#i'm not tagging this everyone has better and more well thought-out theories than me

[elibean]

alright that post about the welcome home balloons not being welcome home balloons at all but actually a point where lg jumps back is making ASTOUNDING amounts of sense and i am so unwell about it

-at this point, welcome home balloons would have to be for both cxs and lg, since they're both gonna need a hospital visit after this. who sets it up? ql? unlikely, seems like she's going through some shit too

-when would they even have time to do a timeskip this ep? i mean...stupid question, it's possible everything shown in the pv happens in like the first 10 minutes, but STILL

-the chibi shorts are canon. what if it's not welcome home balloons, but actually LG's birthday party, which we saw? your local elianna went back and rewatched it though, and there are some problems with this; the location is wrong (in the blurry image the decorations are in the sunroom, in the episode they're in the entrance), and the color of the balloons don't quite match up but still

-in the shorts LG DOES take a picture of CXS after he throws cake at him-- this could easily be a jumping point!!!!

-even if it's NOT LG's birthday party that the blurry image is referring to, that specific episode of the chibi shorts could have been just foreshadowing that some kind of party would be relevant in season 2

-but. but if it IS LG's birthday party from the short that LG ends up going back to. i'll lose my mind

[yakool-foolio]

okay hit me with your impeccable kaede ships opinion

You've got it, boss! Ranking Kaede's ships with all of the V3 students!

Kaede x Shuichi: 10/10; the protags should kiss I think. Their interactions in canon, however brief, are incredibly sweet and carry a ton of weight throughout the entire game. Ya can really tell how much they mattered to each other. I want them to have a happy ending so bad!

Kaede x Rantaro: 6/10; ah yes, the chapter 1 fellas. I never really got any romantic vibes from them personally, but I can see the potential. The bonus nail painting scene is super cute (with Tsumugi tagging along being comedy gold), and I can imagine their adventurous spirits melding well together!

Kaede x Ryoma: 4/10; Ryoma needs a light in his life, and I do think that Kaede would fit that bill. They feel like a different flavor of Saimatsu to me, but I do think her relationship with Shuichi would pan out a lot better in the end. Ryoma seems like the type who needs friends that have his back more than a love interest in my opinion.

Kaede x Kirumi: 8/10; the more I think about this pairing, the more I like it. Just imagine them playing the piano n cello together. May I win you over with the duet scene from Electric Dreams as their dynamic, perhaps?

Kaede x Angie: 3/10: I can see it, but it isn't really for me. I haven't seen much content of them together, but I could be swayed into liking the pairing more if I stumbled upon it more often. Ah well, that's the common tragedy of rare pairs.

Kaede x Tenko: 9/10; I'm a sworn Tenmiko shipper, but I can't deny these two are also really adorable. The duo that will slap the most sense into anyone that crosses them. Tenko soaks up all of Kaede's compliments n flirtations like a sponge, n Tenko will always be around to fiercely protect Kaede.

Kaede x Korekiyo: 1/10; not for me. I could be persuaded to be neutral on it, but for now it just isn't my cup of tea. They just don't have anything going for them that I can positively imagine. Don't get me wrong, I think Kiyo's interesting, but he would just not pair well with Kaede in my eyes.

Kaede x Miu: 6/10; I'm surprised at how much chemistry they have. In Miu's FTEs, Kaede genuinely wants to help her out with her communication issues, which is pretty sweet. If Kaede has the patience to help Miu, that's gotta count for something. Miu being a flustered mess is always a treat.

Kaede x Gonta: 6/10; definitely has potential to be a really cute pair. Given enough time, I think Kaede could come around to appreciating bugs as she spends more time with Gonta. I think she'd love orchid mantises especially.

Kaede x Kokichi: 5/10; never really gave this ship much thought, but it makes sense why people like it. It's standard protag x rival protocol, but with extra silliness. I imagine Kokochi would ask Kaede to compose a 'villain theme' for DICE, but he'd appreciate whatever she comes up with.

Kaede x Kaito: 7/10; the morale boosters! Their combined optimism and enthusiasm is highly contagious. You wouldn't wanna miss their exciting training sessions! Meshing music n astronomy together also just sounds awesome. And Kaede wearing Kaito's jacket is a very cute image I just conjured up.

Kaede x Maki: 10/10; Kaimaki but for lesbians! If Kaede survived longer, I really do think they would've eventually gotten along. I'll be at my happiest with Kaemaki n Saimota happening at the same time methinks.

Kaede x Himiko: 5/10; another ship with some good potential. They'd host the best performances together. They just wanna see everyone happy and I think that's cute.

Kaede x Keebo: 7/10; let Kaede teach Keebo music theory and help him improve his singing! I know she's not a singer herself, but I think her piano skills could assist him practicing matching notes with his voice. I think I'm just really hooked on the idea of Keebo singing Daisy Bell (the first song sung by a computer) with Kaede playing along, the idea makes me melt.

Kaede x Tsumugi: 9/10; may I interest you in some toxic yuri? In a world where Kaede survives to the end, their dynamic would pop tf off I think. Imagine this girl you've been crushing on is actually the mastermind trying to frame you for murder. Ouch. But you bet Tsumugi was also dealing with some feelings for Kaede by basically writing her to be so complimentary towards her. I can see through your lies Tsumugi you can't fool me.

[becauseanders]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

ahhh hi thank you! (finally answering this!) 🖤

It Took the Night to Believe: chapterfic, complete, 100k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. pacific rim au. i am honestly really fucking proud of this fic, like i thought it was great even though it didn't do super well kudos-wise and i did notice that i definitely did lose readers as it went on. i truly have no idea why, this fic is fucking great. it's got angst, it's got comfort, it's got near death experiences, it's got fluff, it's got kaiju—what's not to love??

No Wound as Sharp as the Will of God: chapterfic, complete, 99k. dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. canonverse, post-da2. it took me seven years to post a second chapter of this and a total of eight years to finish it, and the whole time i was writing it after i picked it up again i was so unsure of it, but turns out i really like it. very heavy content, please do mind the tags. takes place while hawke is with the inquisition. anders positive, justice positive. a very intense, very deep, very affectionate friendship between anders and fenris is an extremely important part of the story. like, seriously, the platonic fenders is just as important as the romantic handers. a lot of angst, like so much angst, but the hurt/comfort is real. the b-plot pertains to my theory that justice cures anders of the taint. cole is there. the emotions are high and you can feel them strongly in the writing. again, be careful, but this is a good fic.

A Thing With Feathers Now, Elevate: one shot, 11k. dragon age: origins, alistair/female amell. canonverse, takes place over the course of da:o. this fic is a fucking masterpiece. another that didn't do well numbers-wise but this is easily one of the absolute best things i've ever written and is quite possibly one of the best fics on ao3. i am so fucking proud of this one. the prose, the metaphors, the handling of trauma, the found family—this one deserved way more love than it got. like, i'm serious, this fic is amazing.

It Means Tumult: chapterfic, wip, 349k (yes, you read that right). dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. modern au. okay, obviously i've got to mention this one. i have been working on this fic for eight years and i am very sorry to everyone who saw this go from updating multiple times a week and asking me how the fuck i write so fast to three years without a single update and then i think only one more in the past two years. i'm working on the penultimate chapter, i swear i am, i'm just super stuck right now. this fic is…this fic. i'm not going to lie, i don't really know if this is any longer some of my better writing, but the premise is fucking solid and i have been told more than once that it's clear this is a labor of love and that this is endearing. au where the obvious metaphors are made reality: the circles are psychiatric institutions and being mentally ill is a crime. a lot of angst, but a lot of love. pay no mind to how much better of a character and person aveline is when i write her. i also do admittedly use this fic to deal with my own demons frequently. an andrea gibson poem helped me write one chapter and i later got to tell them about it and they hugged me. this is also very heavily centered on music and has a lengthy soundtrack. please ignore the fact that when i first started writing this i used british english when i typed because i thought it looked better, as i had started doing as a teenager, which tbh i still kind of do but i also realized that's just fucking pretentious to do when you're american, and it was already so long by the time i stopped doing it that there was no way in hell i was going back to editing all of that (as i actually did do with nwasatwog). so that's just the way it is. but yeah, there's a lot of feelings happening here. also the only fic on this list that has an original title instead of song lyrics despite being the one with the most music involved, lol.

Through the Fall and the Feel: chapterfic, wip, 52k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. modern au. this is the one i'm working on most right because that's just where the brainworms are. hawke is a teddy bear doctor and anders goes to see him because instead of a pillow from his mother he has a stuffed cat, and she has seen much better days. this fic has a very wholesome premise but has gone into some pretty heavy angst already and i did not mean for eating disorders to be as important to the story as they have become, so be mindful of that. but this fic has a lot of heart and it's absolutely tanking, so if this piques your interest maybe go give it a look? this is also my second foray into m!handers and i am again having fun writing them. but yeah, i actually like this fic a lot and i do recommend it.

[bigassbowlingballhead]

hello! astrology anon back, from a very long work shift, so apologies to keep everyone waiting. I didnt know yall would be so interested lol! so I'm going to hit base level on all things, and then I can go into more detail about specific things if you want. Nick is a Libra, they're flirts, theyre whores(in theory), theyre hopeless romantics, they love beauty and art and poetry, and .. flirting, they love flirting. they flirt by accident, they dont even know they're flirting its a second nature. So that's a start, but his mars is cancer, mars rules anger (we dont care about that rn) and sexuality. so think cancer-like kinks. domestic bliss is one, and by that I mean breeding. call them daddy. say 'breed me' at them, they will HAPPILY oblige. cancer mars does consider the whole romancing thing part of the foreplay though, a nice dinner, some candles, roses, a massage, would really get them going. some things that commonly occur in them are exhibition kinks, no real danger, just.. up against a window. and corruption kinks. play innocent for them, let them ruin you. (who would mind letting nick ruin them?) better yet, let them chase you down. Then we can head to his Venus, which rules love but there's also some sexuality in that right? (not to exclude the ace bbies, ur all valid!) Nick's got a Scorpio, now we ALL know scorpios are the 'freaks' of the zodiac, that's where the REAL kinks come in. scorpios lean toward kink, occult, goth fashion (we know bby girl had an emo phase) and possession (as in being very jealous) the kind that want to own you and let everyone know, leave plenty of marks so everyone knows exactly how good they uh.. well fucked you, lets be honest. not even my opinion, just commonly accepted fact, a venus Scorpio man is one of the most sexual of the zodiac signs, a very dominant placement (its hilarious he always ends up on the bottom) and by dominant I mean a touch sadistic, perhaps an extreme view, but I don't think a little blood would scare Nick off, (provided it didn't scare you off). He has.. so much scorpio all over his chart, that I'm sorry to break it to anyone that isn't down with it, but the boy's a sadist, an I don't really mean.. super rough either maybe just spankings, some choking, face slapping, but I don't think you could scare him off with more extreme things. he's soft enough in other placements to lean into what youe comfy with! but also, any kink folks out there who have fucked with sadists know what I mean by this, he's a /lazy sadist/. That Taurus Lilith he's got, oh that boy would dream of having a cup of tea in the corner while his partner was tied up blind folded and strapped in with a vibe for... as long as he could stand to hear you whimper, (probably a while, good luck) BUT! scorpio is also water and he's got so much other water in there, babygirl loves some cuddles, i think he's excellent at consent, and I think he's excellent at aftercare. I'd bet money that someones told him 'i said you could hit me nick jesus christ just do it' more than once, (which is very sexy of him imo) I think he'd take good care and be very Intune to his partners needs and body cues. and then be SO happy to give you a bath, and put on your pajamas and wrap you in a blanket and make you a snack, hold you for hours and tell you how proud he was, and how good you did and how much he loves you. overall, some submission (on your part), trust, kink, and nipple clamps, can lead to a fulfilling and passionate relationship with babygirl i think.

What a RIDE. Thank you, so much for taking the time after your long shift to grace us with this, wonderful reading of his chart. you're really doing a service for us.

oh that boy would dream of having a cup of tea in the corner while his partner was tied up blind folded and strapped in with a vibe for… as long as he could stand to hear you whimper,

This- i'm having thoughts

tagging people who i know were waiting for this

@magicandarchery @eusuntgratie @shehedaughter @bribumblebee @ad-astra13 @getmehighonmagic @saintroux

[ivomartins]

helloo omg it's vivi i just noticed that you answered the asks (while scrolling through hsr tag i need the update so bad i can't live like this)

dogging on hs is a full time job and we're employees of the month 🤞 ntm on hs tho bc i will end up playing hs3 if it's ever released bc i need to see my li happy.

im new to rc so i can't say much about the writers but i think what you said does make a lot of sense. when new characters were introduced in hs2 it had the same tone as hs1. i would say there was a slight improvement bc astaroth and hunger were 10x more interesting than hs1 characters but the dialogue and their way of speaking was the same as hs1. like how do you pride yourself on being soo much better than mortals and speak exactly like them? why are you, as lucifer, speaking like a frat boy? make it make sense.

anyway, as opposed to hs, the immortals are actually different from mortals. lane noticing the lack of human warmth and emotions on cains face, despite how serene and aristocratic he looks right off the bat immediately showed us that they're not easily understood and they operate differently than humans. and the dialogue flows so much more naturally in hsr and different characters have their own distinguished way of speaking. (interesting that cain sometimes speaks so formally like during the church scene, but at other times uses mortal slang. just how long has he been roaming around earth?)

tbh now that ive analyzed the flying scene, he does seem somewhat sincere and like you said, they're both only looking out for themselves so they have a sense of kinship. (also love that lane is so unbothered about saving humanity or whatever and specifically said shes only going to translate what she needs... im obsessed with her)

but is it insane of me to hope that he's just being nice for the sake of using her? ive been ranting to everyone who would listen about how much i adore the church scene, it was the exact balance of unsettling and sensual, psychedelic and dreamlike. it had so much tension and i loved how cain was portrayed in it. but he's being suspiciously sweet and protective of her, cute, but i miss the tension 😭 he and lane are some of the most interesting characters ive seen in a while and id hate for them to lose everything that makes them unique to a generic romance so early.

what about your theories on how they could've known each other earlier? and what do you think about cain's past?

not this entire ass essay 😭 i love a good religious horror media what can i say. since ur just as obsessed w hsr as i am it's fun talking to you but this is a lot to think ab and reply to pls take ur time 😭💓

(ps to answer what you asked about choices, i haven't touched it since i got back into rc 🤞)

we truly are the pioneers of hs shit talk and i love this for us <3

i chuckled at your comment about lucifer talking like a frat boy because why is that so fucking true 😭

it really is just in the book's nature i think because if you look at the massive growth of alice's writing between hs1 and hs2, it's wild how the writing for hs2 still isn't that much better except in certain areas (hunger is masterfully written, for example, and the emo vibe was captured pretty well too since alice is an angst grandmaster)

like heaven's secret is simply, intrinsically, a haphazard low-quality story - because that was the foundation in hs1 and so it's only natural hs2 and hs3 will be the same. and i'm not hating on it when i say that because i definitely get why some people love it but as someone who's a bit of a snob and doesn't like harry potter vibe stories, it's just not for me

i'm living for your thoughts and analysis of hs:r though omg i didn't catch on to cain's manner of speech swinging between formal and informal, that's so interesting?? but YES overall i'm also hoping that we'll get more of the intensity we got with the church scene and that the dark undertone to their dynamic will prove to be an actual Theme and not just a one-off thing. i would actually GRIEVE if cain's route devolved into basic lovey dovey shit 😭

have you checked out dmitry's scenes? what did you think of them? 👀

when it comes to cain's past and his history with lane, i... have no clue tbh like that's just how good the suspense is. generally i'm expecting cain to be somehow tied to the event/entity/power that caused lane's memory gap because her dreams are clearly very significant and she dreams of him at the start of the book + that could be the reason why she got so woozy in the church scene instead of him seducing her with his power, because of whatever tie that binds them through that. but we know so little about him and his motivations that it's hard for me to theorize anything about his past. i adore pre-established dynamics though so i honestly think we're in for some juicy shit regardless of our theories. i can't wait!!!

shut up i lived for your essay and gave you one of my own pls 😭♥️ you're totally good!! i'm having just as much fun chatting with you angel <3

i haven't touched choices since the nanny affair 😭 though i do miss the good OG books sometimes ngl like open heart s1 remains ICONIC and forever in my heart and also the werewolf book uhh i forgot its name but it was sooo goood. there's not even a comparison with rc though whew it was such a huge upgrade for me especially since i started off with arcanum of all books - truly could not put it down

[bengiyo]

Theory of Love Rewatch Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Last time, I realized I had memory holed much of this show and ended up enraged anew at Khai for toying with Third's feelings. ToL Lovers, y'all will need to wait and see because I hate that man so much right now because I went through the same shit as Third. Un and Two had some interactions about Two's crush on Lynn. Bone got stood up by his crush. We left at Third overhearing Khai and Bone discuss their testing of Third.

I hope Third moves out. Yelling at Khai, "You played with my emotions. If you don't know any better just leave me the fuck alone," is the closest he's come to admitting how he feels.

Ep.05 10 Things I Hate About You

Time for an ad, but first a masturbation joke!

Bone skipped editing class repeatedly? I must resist making the obvious joke about GMMTV shows.

Yes, Third, please move out! Interrupt all this talk about boobs! Nothing excites me more than a pair of large, heavy breasts.

Khai saying he'd be nicer to Third if he asked because he doesn't want to lose him is a Boy Lie. When you tell them to stop, they double down and get meaner and say you're too sensitive.

"Everything will be the same" is a classic romcom lie.

It was smart of this show to give Third a confidant within the friend group so that we resist wanting him to completely cut off the whole group.

I could not follow Third's reviews. All this sobbing would drive me up the wall.

Don't give up on your list, Third. Khai sucks in more than 10 ways!

Bone is putting all this effort into locating this film or testing his friend when he should be going to class! Hitting on girls? You should be hitting on books!

They got poor White and Mike sweating their asses off on this broken friend group scene.

GMMTV gets a lot of traction out of Earth staring way too hard at people.

Oh lord they went to a 4DX theater with moving seats.

At least Bone has enough grace to apologize to Third for what they did to him.

I'm with Third's anger. Sometimes you gotta find a way to hate your unrequited crush to move on. I know folks probably felt some kinda way about Third talking about Khai "whoring around" but I also dealt with the annoyance of a friend's romantic wake. It's tedious.

This writing team really understood bros. Your boys will deck you if you go too far and violate the group.

Oh lord, Third, can you please stop showering with all your goddamn clothes on when you're upset?

Third is so embarrassing. Khai did not apologize for the fundamental betrayal, and you're pretending to be okay because of a lower level fight? Come on, my dude.

Ah, right, this is when we get the teacher confirmation and I started to check out on this Bone thread.

Well, I'm not having the visceral reaction I had last time, thankfully. I don't think the show effectively closed the loop on the list of things Third hates about Khai for me this episode, and I think they muddled things about Third's jealousy with Khai's flings. I like that Bone now knows what's going on, and it's a bit reminiscent of Coffee Prince in that everyone around Khai now knows but Khai doesn't. However, I will not be feeling sympathy for that man any time soon. He yelled at Third for not answering his phone and being out all night when he shoved that man out of the house until after dawn for a girl. I ain't forget.

As always this rewatch was sponsored by @lurkingshan, with emotional support from @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm. Tagging @twig-tea because I know they're invested in my rewatch.

[wytfut]

Covid is a live and well

As I stumble along thru life (thats everything, everyday).... last week I picked up covid for my very first time. Sigh..not a virgin any more...

No idea where/how/when..... but "boy howdy" I got it, and it hammered me.

Initially during the pandemic, I did due diligence by obeying the rules of engagement. Oh I wasn't good at it, but I did what I could. Even with my sloppy methods I didn't get it. Which in turn had me believing "I'm too good at this, to get it..." ..

.......

Information led us all to believe that the government had an SOP in place, and knew what they were talking about. Rules of engagement changed as much as Trumps advice to us all. Dr. Fauci the man in the know was whipped in public, .... his down fall being his speaking skills.

Examples in the early days sounded like a science fiction movie. I remember seeing a news interview with some guy, whos ends of his fingers had turned black (first and last time I had heard that example).

......

I knew several folks who lost their lives to this bug. So I realized it wasn't something to mess around with. Every loss was amazing, how quickly it took them. My 94 year old uncle was grading fields on Tuesday, and gone by Saturday (actual days don't matter now). It wasn't playing around, no matter what anyone believed .

Vac? no Vac? ..... covid really didn't care what your opinion was, she was random, and efficient

.....

I got all the covid vaccines. All of them.

Listened to many folks opinions about the vaccines. Good and Bad. I'll be honest, then and now, I still don't know if its the proper way to go with this battle. But I'll most likely continue... I don't have the answers..

The argument has been presented to all of us..... which is saying a couple of things. : Are we lemmings? and/or Is this natures way of culling the herd.

I think its applicable in theory.... just like the rules of engagement are in a sense "a theory".

......

Things I know:

It was horrible for 2 days. Something to the tune of influenza on steroids', with his big mean brother "fate" tagging along getting his kicks in. I'm on day 4-5 now, feeling pretty good, but on border of being contagious yet.

The medication Paxlovid seems to really work, but that dirty metal taste that is continuous, is wearing on my patience..... gag....

It truly does come on like severe allergies. I thought I had an allergy issue, as I had mowed a dry yard that very same day.

The fat guy in me, truly lost his appetite for 24 hours minimum.

I couldn't get warm one night. I couldn't get cool another. (I'm tired of flop sweat, so gross)

My Wife is my angel.... her real knowledge of this affliction most likely saved me a ton of grief. I so hope due to my nonattentive ways she doesn't get it from me....

I sincerely hope no one gets this from me.

I never lost my sense of taste or smell.

Here's an interesting one.... my legs quit hurting. Is it because I'm sitting around 24/7, is it covid reacting, is it the medication. Most likely my legs getting a rest.

......

My Wife unlike me, knows all the ins and outs of the rules of engagement of covid. I felt I too knew, but everything I knew was vague, and carried absolutely no weight in decisions. I depended on her to make all my decisions. And very happy I did.

Patti got covid just before Andy Latensers memorial service last December. I don't remember what grabbed her attention, but she felt she'd better test. And it was positive 2 times. She was very disappointed she couldn't attend the service. Amazingly, her symptoms were minimal at best. She didn't feel sick, and had nothing else other than a temperature.

As "they" say, it affects everyone differently. Many lives were lost that just didn't make sense, and others who you'd think for sure weren't going to make it.... it was a breeze. Makes no sense in this guys mind.

Just a guy being a guy, thinking he has out smarted life in general, ... but in reality doesn't know anything.

.....

best facts I could find:

you can be infected up to 14 days before showing signs

you can go back out in public 2 days after symptoms disappear or 2 clean tests.... basically 5 days after first symptoms

,,,

Looking at those 14 days.... I'm pretty much a home body, but wow, that was a lot of folks to look at. The morning before I realized I had it, I was at the geezers coffee, sitting tightly with a bunch of old guys. Laughing, telling stories, eating... not a care in the world. I most certainly hope none of them got covid. ....

I'd feel horrible....

[kitkatopinions]

ALrighty!

Spoilers for RWBY ep.... 8 I think? Below the keep reading as well as criticism:

So I was wrong about the Cat. I wish it had turned out to be a morally dubious good guy, but whatever, guess the writers wanted yet another 'the person guiding you is actually not trustworthy' plot.

Here's what I'm gonna say - Neo got fucking taken over and possessed the moment that she actually started getting a spotlight as a villain? HATE that shit. I want Neo, not just some conglomerate taken over by the cat? And I don't like that she talked at all. It should've just been the cat's voice.

Idk if Little is dead or not, but I really don't care about or like Little, so if they are dead, okay??? Better than having to see them again tbh.

Seeing people 'resurrected' but all wrong was kind of dissatisfying? Torchwick was the only one of them who was actually used well (because rwby is going through plotpoints at the speed of light in fourteen to sixteen minute eps so of course we can't sit with things,) but his voice acting was off and so it messed with the immersion some. I don't blame them for not being able to get an exact copycat and I don't think they tried very hard since they didn't need Roman for long, but still, I wish his voice actor had done better. The animation of him was pretty good though.

Ruby ascended? Fuck that shit! I have hope that we're actually going to get 'Ruby down in the tree realizing what 'ascension' actually is, but first off, I wanted Ruby to have a breakdown and struggle, not to be full on suicidal and decide to basically kill herself. Second of all, if this means 'no more Ruby' I am going to be so pissed off. This is Ruby's show, right? Or it's supposed to be! Even if this means that we don't get much Ruby for the next two episodes, I'm still gonna be mad. The 'development' we've gotten so far is just Ruby being in pain, and then seemingly dying? I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch or whatever, but this could be worst case scenario, people.

The moment where Ruby was getting attacked by everyone who was dead was... Well, first off, it was weird. Because A. Why would Neo bring in Clover, Leo, and Ozpin? Was she just bringing in everyone she thinks that Ruby may have sort of known who died? Second off, why does Neo think Penny cared about Ruby most in the world? When did she have access to that information? How did she know to use Penny that way? Third off, I liked the 'Ruby strikes out at Ozpin, only for Neo to replace him with Oscar' thing in theory but I would be wrong if I didn't point out that once again the only member of Team RWBYJNOR with dark skin gets the most violent things happening, which is a bad pattern. I get that it may be because Oscar is actually more like Ruby's friend than the rest of her team atm (which is sad,) but I just think the writers should be aware that this is a thing they do that they maybe should correct. Maybe they could've had it be Weiss or Yang that Ruby 'accidentally killed' in these visions? Just a thought. Fourth off! I liked how Neo transformed people into Ruby's alive friends and family, judging her for the 'murder.' Fifth off, I just gotta say the combat was not good for me once again. Neo literally has several people there fighting for her, and they all shot like stormtroopers? Ruby's discombobulated and depressed, so her going down without much fight isn't the problem, the problem is that Neo alone by herself should have been able to easily bring her down, let alone with her clones there to help her. Maybe she only knew Roman well enough to really replicate his style, but Neo and Roman? Tag team of the century!

On to... Team WBYJ. I'm not even gonna get into the fact that Blake and Weiss were more sympathetic to Ruby's struggles than Yang was (I am really frustrated with Yang this season,) but they all just stand there and do nothing while Ruby drinks down poison? What the hell? That is not a freaking good look, guys.

Anyway... I don't know how to feel about this episode, but I'm mostly frustrated and disappointed. And on the other hand, I guess we got good pics of Roman and Neo? I'm gonna have to wait to form a concrete opinions on this ep until we can confirm what the frick actually happened next ep, but for now, it's looking like another 3/10. I got some enjoyment, but overall a bad experience once again.

[infatuate]

9 book recs meme! tagged by @roobylavender; ty faatima <3333. this ended up being longer than i wanted it to be but oh well

the bloody chamber & other stories - angela carter

angela carter quotes get circulated out of context on this site every 2-3 business days but i really do think everyone should tap into the bloody chamber at least once. i have written many a paper on this book & each time i uncovered some new aspect i had previously overlooked but which carter hadn't. i'm not sure what i could say about it that hasn't already been said; this is one of the best fairytale anthologies out there, period. not to mention, those quotes are so much better in context.

decreation: poetry, essays, opera - anne carson

the first book of carson's essays/poetry i ever read cover to cover after crashing against plainwater hard when i was like 16. decreation is very aptly named - it's disjointed & deconstructed & more than a little strange, moving from subject to subject, essay to poem to play to opera and back again, but it managed to capture my attention the way none of carson's other works did. decreation is a journey through the self (through sleep & the subconscious, the spirit & God) that doesn't really arrive anywhere but is worth reading for the journey. aside from showing me just what could be done with form, it also introduced to me to marguerite porete, who became my own personal medieval mystic-martyr special interest. i've since read a lot of carson, but i still think decreation is her most interesting (& maybe underrated?) work.

violence & the sacred - rene girard

a solid 75% of my essays in my last two years of undergrad used this text as scaffolding of some sort. even when i wasn't writing about violence, sacrifice, or mimesis, i was thinking about it. this is a dense book of theory that flies by because everything girard is saying is simultaneously insane & so so compelling. other people have if you're interested in rituals, the societal function of violence, the origins of the word scapegoat, or you just want to find a new jumping off point for your own thoughts on any of these topics, i think you would find violence & the sacred a really fascinating text.

the children of húrin - j.r.r. tolkien

i read the children of húrin directly after reading the hobbit at age 14; i wanted another 'short' 'standalone' tolkien book to read before diving into the lord of the rings or the silmarillion. (i clearly did not know anything about tolkien at this point in my life.) but i don't regret it at all, because it's probably the best thing he's ever written. CoH is, for the most part, about the tragic life of túrin son of húrin & how the curse on his family dooms him & everyone he crosses paths with. the tighter focus on túrin's various fuck-ups and miseries is more intimate, more detailed, and more character-driven unlike a lot of tolkien's first age work. it's also the darkest thing tolkien's written, in my opinion; this is his longest most extended greek tragedy moment & he leans into it 100%. hubris, unintentional incest, accidental murder, suicide - the children of húrin has it all. túrin turambar you will always be famous!

a master of djinn - p. djeli clark

this is my favorite new fantasy read of the last couple of years. i went into thinking i wouldn't like it at all—it's set in an edwardian-era alternate history magical steampunk cairo, for one—but clark's writing is incredibly immersive. he's very skilled at reimagining history in a way that both makes perfect sense & is wildly inventive. i thought some of its critiques of colonialism were a little shallow but otherwise it was fun. and lesbian! the main character is a dapper muslim butch, and while i'm not usually a 'representation for its own sake' kind of person, i couldn't help but be obsessed with fatma. it helps that it has a more refined perspective on islam compared to virtually any other muslim/arab fantasy novel i've ever read (this is not a high bar). a master of djinn comes with not one, but two short stories set in the same universe, so you can check out clark's writing for free & see how you like it.

as meat loves salt - maria mccann

this one was recommended to me by a twitter mutual almost 2 years ago and i haven't reread it since, but i think about it frequently anyways. it's a historical fiction novel set during the english civil war, following jacob cullen, a man initially of gentle birth who becomes a servant who becomes a soldier in the parliamentary army. characterizing it beyond that gets tricky; how do you properly describe the completely insane depths of rage, lust, love, & obsession that mccann plumbs? as meat loves salt is for the hannigram girls, the heathcliff/cathy girls, the girls who enjoy devotion & obsession going hand in unlovable hand. major tws for rape & violence, & i don't think i could read it again unless i was in the right headspace, but this one is really good.

ship of magic - robin hobb

i could have put any robin hobb book here, because i do think everyone should read robin hobb at least once. especially if you have even a passing interest in fantasy. ship of magic made the final cut because it's the perfect beginning for anyone who might be turned off by the slow character study that is the farseer trilogy. liveship traders is more fast-paced with a rotating cast of v unique characters and the best villain she's ever put to paper. it has talking ships, terrible parenting even for a fantasy book, representation for awful horrible teenage girls with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, & a truly original take on dragons.

beowulf: a new verse translation - seamus heaney

when i decided to minor in medieval studies, beowulf was at least 60% of the reason. i read the r.m. liuzza broadview translation for class (which i love, to be clear), but my prof recommended that we go read heaney's translation anyways, because it's both a good translation of beowulf & an exercise in poetic brilliance. to me, heaney's beowulf feels less like a translation & more like a free-verse poem he wrote while possessed by the spirit of a 7th century scop. i know there are better, more accurate/faithful translations, but this one has a spirit to it that's difficult to find elsewhere. honestly it's worth reading for the introduction alone.

the fortune men - nadifa mohamed

my token contemporary non-fiction fiction novel of the past couple of years. i'm always rooting for everyone somali but also? nadifa mohamed is just a great writer. this novel is set in 1950s cardiff, wales, and dramatizes the true story of mahmood hussein mattan, a somali man who was wrongfully executed for the murder of lily volpert. mohamed approaches the events with so much empathy for both victims and the extensive research she did shines through at every moment. the consistency and conviction and clarity of her writing will convince you that, even if you don't know anything about the city or the time period or the events unfolding, she definitely does. she was kinda robbed for the booker but that's just my opinion.

tagging @derelictship; @misericordae; @hesitationss; @yevrosima-the-third; @gawayne; @butchniqabi & anyone else who wants to do it!

[cmdonovann]

quantum break appreciation month: a quick retrospective

so, first of all, wow, it was WAY more effort than i thought to just POST SOMETHING EVERY DAY. i put a lot of pressure on myself to only post The Good Stuff to this blog, and boy golly is my standard of "good stuff" higher than it ought to be! so this has been great practice for me in "finished is better than perfect."

second of all, i wanna put together a quick rundown of everything i did this month!

Announcement post

April 1st: My Bleeding Clock (My Immortal AU) fanfic for April Fool's Day

April 2nd: Playlist to go with My Bleeding Clock

April 3rd: Sketch of 2010!Beth

April 4th: Sketch of Jack and Beth

April 5th: Reblogged my old post about last year's anniversary zine, as well as a new little sketch to celebrate the 7th anniversary of the game's release

April 6th: Doodle of Beth in a skirt (with pockets!)

April 7th: I literally just posted a passage I like from the QB:ZS novel

April 8th: Started posting old art... completed set of the halo series here!

April 9th: More old art (Jack/Paul this time)

April 10th: More old art, LNEHH edition

April 11th: More old art, Will Joyce edition

April 12th: Some Jack/Paul art to celebrate me and my husband's anniversary :3c

April 13th: QUANTUM BREAK HOMESTUCK AU!!!

April 14th: Surprise! it's even more old Jack/Paul art!

April 15th: Wow! I can't believe it's more Jack/Paul art!

April 16th: Apparently I was busy this day because I just reblogged LNEHH, lol

April 17th: Quantum Break characters, but as Skyrim characters

April 18th: Some blinkie gifs I made using blinkies.cafe

April 19th: A sweater I made using the linocut stamps from last year's anniversary zine

April 20th: Another blinkie gif, hehe

April 21st: Meta post about color palettes and color usage in Quantum Break

April 22nd: A little QB divider I made for my fansite (WIP)

April 23rd: Some terrible glitter gifs, also for the WIP fansite

April 24th: Minecraft skins of a bunch of QB characters!

April 25th: I was also apparently busy this day, cuz all I did was make a stupid phone background for myself XD

April 26th: Took a swing at pixel art

April 27th: A promo for the Quantum Break Discord Server I run!

April 28th: Wrote another chapter of My Bleeding Clock...

April 29th: Art of Jack and Paul :3

April 30th: Started a new longfic: The Symmetry of Fear!

holy shit. that's a lot. i am retroactively impressed with my past self for doing all this, lmao. nice.

third of all! i wanna note that i started several projects this month that i have yet to finish. of course i'm not confining my quantum break posting to one month of the year (impossible) but i will take my time finishing the... uh... three fics and two meta essays i have unfinished, as well as the fansite i am working on. i want these to be GOOD, so i'm not going to rush them. i'm glad this month gave me to juice to finally get these projects started, though!

and lastly... why did i even do this project/event in the first place?

well... good question. i imagine i'm not the only one who has been Going Through It for a while now, and i just... really needed a big project to focus on for a while. and quantum break is like, one of the only things that i never get tired of thinking about, so... are you seeing my logic here?

all that said, i do genuinely want to work on putting more love out into the world. and i love quantum break! i want other people to love it too! (or at least, i want other people to look at my passion for it and be like "i dont go here but you keep doing your funky little thing my man," you know what i mean?)

so, big thanks to everyone who has encouraged me this month, whether it be in reblog tags, in the quantum break discord server, or elsewhere. also, big thanks to my husband, who i would not have married if not for our mutual obsession with quantum break, and who is always down to listen to me talk about my various theories and fic ideas. and finally, a big thanks to remedy, for making this dumb game that i love so so so much.

[demonsfate]

// hey hey thoughts on Jun's trailer?

I KNEW IT WAS GONNA COME OUT TODAY YES. Okay. Lemme just spill all the thoughts I have at initial watch. Maybe I'll rewatch it again later and notice new things. But this is what I noticed right now.

Here eyes do look a little "baggier" underneath, which does make her older than when we first saw her in the TGA trailer.

She is first seen fighting Jin in the trailer. Which makes me wonder 2 things. One) if fans are right and she's gonna "knock some sense into him." Thooooough. I don't really see why that would happen? Given that Jin hadn't really been a "Bad Guy" who needs sense knocked into him since TK6. As even in TK7, it looks like he's going on the right path, anyway. (andwellyouknowimhupingjinscharacterizationfromtk6getsalittleretconnedcoughcough) Especially I don't really care for the idea that a character can go from being a Ruthless Warmonger who treated everyone with no compassion to a Good Guy who deeply cares about saving even a single life because he met his mommy...? Like that's such a weak excuse to why he'd "turn around" anyway as fans are now theorizing. (But as I've stated multiple times on this blog - Jin's transition to a Bad Guy never made much sense and was also just full of flimsy excuses. So his transition back to being a Good Guy also doesn't make much sense unless they come up with something good. And this just wouldn't be... Good enough. And I was hoping that you know, TK8 will give us a bit better character / story writing - esp for Jin - since other than characters that have been turned into complete jokes or pushed to the side, he's been getting it hardest.

ANYWAY - Unless this is like in TK4 where she has to knock sense into Jin to not kill Kazuya. But given that the very first trailer looks like the Final Battle, and Jin is still stuck in the "we should've never existed" mindset. That's probably not it, either. Most likely she's probably just training with him to prepare him for the Final Battle. Or you know, just a trailer and nothing more.

Although she's almost always moving. Her stance DOES look like her Tag 2 stance, and she looks like she plays like her Tag 2 counterpart. Whiiich makes me happy. Given I actually preferred how Jun played in Tag 2 versus how she and Asuka plays in the main games. However I do notice something else...

She appears to bounce Jin with a spike of light here????? Which looks just like how UNKNOWN bounced the opponent with a gooey dark spike. So this makes me wonder if she's also gonna play like Unknown as well??? Which is very interesting. Given that Unknown is in a noncanon game. And that also means that the Kazamas may be even possess more power than we thought. Which could also explain why she needs to train Jin further and show him the power of Kazama style? As well as why she could've been possibly missing for so long? Maybe she's been honing such powers all this time? Either way, I'm very curious as to where this will lead.

AAAND, this may also prove my theory wrong? That this is INDEED the real Jun. But I just - ughhh. Kazuya doesn't really seem to emote anything here? He's just his Typical Self. "So It's You" Self. Like I'm REEEEEALLY hoping TK8 will delve into their relationship further. Because so far, every time Kazuya has canonically spoken of Jun - as I said - it's vague and with little emotion. Which is odd. Given they have a child together. (But maybe it really WAS a one night stand LOL.)

Also everyone being like "CLEANSE THE WORLD OF EVIL AND CORRUPTION?! SHE'S GOING TOO EXTREME, THIS MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THE REAL JUN?!

See? She still cares about Kaz lmao. It's as I said - she just wants to get rid of the devil gene. But as said... surely they're gonna delve into their relationship. Surely.

[angstandhappiness]

INTERESTING

OP's tags @imminent-danger-came #THINK OF THE TRADGEDY#Wukong seeing MK act a little bit evil in 1x09: uh hold up no stop that#When he realizes it was just MK trying to be good enough: :0

@mythicalmagical-monkeyman #THINK OF THE TRADGEDY#< prev tags#to good to leave out#Yes!#exactly#thank you for putting my tiny strains of thoughts into actual word

@imminent-danger-came #wish I could be normal about anything ever#instead I write an in-depth theory post on why I think MK was fucked up in his past life#COME ON s4 SPECIAL. PROVE ME RIGHT#GIVE ME CRUMBS#THIS WOULD SLAP SO HARD#DO IT FOR ME#this ain't even mentioning the god damn curse#Cause like bro. The curse reacting to MK (being a part of MK?) the way it does is so fucking weird#Why did MK get a flash of it in 4x03. Why#''harbinger of chaos'' WELL MAYBE HE WAS ONE. MAYBE HE WAS.#eamk theory

@imminent-danger-came #YEAH ELDRITCH HORROR MK IS SYNONYMOUS WITH MONKEY DEMON MK#Tis the same thing. MK is a Monkey Demon and nothing can change that#Some good points here teehee#I think I'm on team ''pre-stone MK was a complete force of utter chaos'' but like.#A pre-stone MK being controlled and curated as a weapon is a really fun idea#Would have great Samadhi fire Mei parallels too#''Don't use the flame Mei...be the flame!'' ''You don't use a weapon! You are a weapon!''#''What if I fail everyone? What if I...lose control?'' ''Actually no no—the chaos and destruction that we'll bring upon the world will make#Wukong's past look like nothing''#Like at the VERY least MK was someone in a past life right. Like#It would be weird if he didn't. Literally every other member of the gang does#And everyone in this show is living past the end of their myth one way or another#anyways I'm so sorry tumblr ate your post#I've lost good men in tumblr drafts

@its-leethee #ok so i had this rb window open since yesterday cause i needed to sleep on it but nope time did not calm me down#my brain soundtrack stuck on eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE#always wondering where did mk's power come from & what they put in the baby monkey stone and like y'all are so smart eight steps ahead of m#sealed monkey demon/eldritch horror mk alright alright i'm in 100%

@mythicalmagical-monkeyman #...#what if he's the thing that killed the pilgrims#he would have been powerful enough to#and it would help explain why Wukong was involved#and why mk would be friends with their “reincarnations”#/descendant#because parallels

@ghostenluvs #prev#OH MY GOD#ur brain#but omg that would be so angsty #THIS WHOLE THEORY IS CRAZY BUT IN LIKE AN OMG WAY#LIKE MAN I'M HAVING THOUGHTS NOW#i love these long theory posts they get hte brain thoughts going#IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER

@i-am-a-fan #Do you think that’s why Mk is only part monkey demon? Because i can two schools of thought on that#one. he’s part SWK and part something else (probably celestial if i’m honest) but that would explain why he’s able to wield the staff#it also makes sense since the staff is has been said to only be wielded by swk himself#there’s no trials or anything of being worthy like thors hammer. you either are swk or you aren’t#Or TWO. MK WAS another celestial monkey#i say WAS because he might have been defeated and the put back together as seen in the frames shown above#Mostly because i really do think MK when broken down is actually really evil#I WILL ONCE AGAIN USE THE CLONE EPISODE AS EVIDENCE#you’re telling me that every clone made of the guy#that are supposed to be perfect imitations of the creator (mind you)#all of them. turned evil?#yeah that kid is fucked up#wow i had wayyyy more to say than i thought i did#welcome to my ted talk

@void-multimuse #stuff like this makes my brain go brrr so I wanna add it to my MK portrayal

@mythicalmagical-monkeyman #saw this on twitter#but this goes with inky going#"your friends will turn on you. seeing you for the monster you will become. they will DESTROY you#harbinger of chaos.”#because if MK killed them in their past lives#why would they keep him around if he could do it again#(I know they wouldn't though)

@wilyzombie #yall i just wanted to watch a cartoon with fun animation#it’s been only 2 weeks since i first started watching monkie kid#and now im obsessed

@newcyber-demonslayer#YO#WAIT#THIS IS ACTUALLY SUCH A GREAT THEORY#probably cause I’m a sucker for eldritch beings cause it fascinates me#especially the possible design options out there

@demigod-of-the-agni #op this was a DELICIOUS READ#i will now retreat to my cave and wallow#monkerkidd#SO MANY THOUGHTS.... SO MANY.......

@shiwinu #SOMEONE SAID#“CRAZY THEORY”#???#I'M IN#AHHAHAHAJAJA

Eldritch Abomination MK Theory

OKAY. @the-punning-ubus

I just want to say reading these tags are SO validating, because I have my little "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory and seeing someone else come to pretty much the same conclusion feels good.

I've been meaning to write a proper theory post on this for a while, so now is as good of a time as any!

Obviously we have Wukong's "Not just anyone can wield my staff, but you did" from A Hero is Born and "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to wield it" from 3x03, but there's also something in 1x09 Macaque:

Macaque: "Your staff kinda gives you away dude, not just anyone can wield that thing."

-

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

-

-

The sweet irony of "There really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick!" followed immediately by MK lifting the staff again is not lost on me.

So, from s1 it was pretty obvious that Wukong didn't "give" MK any form of power, but we knew that already with MK being a monkey demon and all. I just think it's particularly intriguing that all of this was laid out in the same episode where MK proclaims "I am the weapon!". In all honestly, he probably was/is.

One of the main questions coming out of s4 is "why was MK created?"—Monkey King's stone was used to form another, but for what purpose? To what end? What reason was MK at the center of all these stories?

Well, here's my current theory:

MK was something in a past life, and that something needed to be contained—and so, to put a stop to past life eldritch abomination MK, he was then sealed away in the stone.

I think this scene in particular raises some alarm bells:

The stone cracks open, bursts with light, and then it closes—like something was put inside it. The scene could of course just be an aesthetic choice, or chosen to be this way for another reason we don't know yet, but it just feels so deliberate. A ball of light appearing from the stone, then another ball of light in the mystery woman's hands being revealed to hold a monkey, and then the stone reforming around the ball of light. I just can't help but feel there's something there.

Next I want to discuss the two key things that make me feel this theory has merit:

1.) MK has made a habit of breaking out of things he shouldn't be able to (the calabash in 1x05, the trigram furnace in 2x00, the scroll in 4x07, Destiny itself in 3x14) and the stone would be no exception.

2.) Every antagonist in this show has been sealed away in some form, then being released to resume their plans from before being sealed. Here's a list:

DBK was sealed under the mountain, and after being released continued his plan of world domination.

Spider Queen was metaphorically trapped in her fallen empire, and after being given the chance to rule the above world once again, immediately takes it.

The Lady Bone Demon was imprisoned in her tomb, and after being released prematurely (before learning the error of her ways), she continued her plan to destroy the world and create a new one.

Azure Lion was imprisoned in the scroll, and upon being released (by an unknown 3rd party), immediately worked to free his friends and then end the Jade Emperor's reign.

Now, I love foils, so MK breaking out of the stone he was sealed in, yet coming out an actually changed being unlike everyone else in this show, would be DELICIOUS:

Lady Bone Demon: ”No backup and no weapon? So, you’re plan is to fist fight a child?” Sun Wukong: “We both know that’s not what you are.”

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

-

Lady Bone Demon: "STOP! Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host! Have you become so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless innocent child?" Sun Wukong: "You're giving me no choice! All the time you spent locked away, and you haven't changed a bit! I'm going to finish you, like I should have done a long time ago! I told you—you should have stayed buried."

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

-

Subodhi: "I have not brought you to your master. Although this is the stone from which Sun Wukong once sprung, it appears overtime, it was used to form another. A simple creature, with no past, no family, and no name. There is a reason you were at the center of these stories—a reason you can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!"

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

-

(If you want extra fodder for this, please see this parallels post :3)

So, if MK were to hatch out of the stone—where *he* was sealed away—and he actually came out of it a "blameless innocent child" with "no past, no family, and no name", it would work exceedingly well. Wukong's not above giving people second chances, but if you use that second chance to try and destroy the world, you force his hand.

(Side note: it could also be the case that the stone was used to "reset" whatever MK was in his past life, and Wukong was originally meant to destroy whatever came out of the stone—which could be the reason he stayed at Flower Fruit Mountain for hundreds of years. However, when an child came out, a new being without a past or the memories of what it was before—Wukong choose to let it go. He choose to let it live a normal life—or even ensuring it could live a normal life—and it then found it's way to Pigsy. This definitely gets into real crack theory territory, but I did want to bring it up.)

Now, none of this is even mentioning the suspiciously MK shaped figure in the mural from 3x13:

Now, the figure in this mural is only shown when MK is also on screen, which is framing that drives me insane. Perhaps this is when they first caught MK's past life, then finally able to subdue him and seal him in the stone.

And so, if MK really was this terrible chaos driven abomination in his past life, what does that mean ✨thematically✨?

Well,

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

SWK: “ENOUGH! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past, and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.”

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

MK can't change who he was in a past life. He can't change that the roads all lead to pain. But you know what he can do? He can try. He can try and get a little bit better every day. He can try and help people. He can try and make the world better than he found it.

Maybe in a past life, MK caused just as must chaos and destruction as Wukong did in his past. Maybe he caused even more problems than he has as the Monkie Kid. But that also doesn't undo the good he's doing now.

Anyways, that's my "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory. Hope you enjoyed

[beeehar]

miles writing steel samurai fanfic for funsies at some point during the time span where he believed he killed greg and while he was writing it he was like 'yea this is fine just me projecting some of my feelings onto the magistrate for it to seem a little more realistic yk. Make the character feel human' and he thinks it pretty tame, not intending for it to be too angsty. But once he posts the first chapter it kinda blows up and all of the comments are like 'im sobbing someone sedate me' and he's like damn u guys r sooo dramatic get a grip lmao??? And then as he posts more chapters (and as life starts to go even more off the rails than what it was before hand) the comments morph from 'cryibg' to 'fu.ck you genuinely what was going through your mind when you decided to rip my heart out I'm losing it get therapy I'm serious u need help I think' and at that point he's like ok so what going on here. And then one night after he learns that he is not in fact a murderer (and after he left the letter and went to Germany) he reads through the comments of genuine concern. And that on top of everything else makes him realise that everything is pretty fucked up and maybe. Just maybe things can get better.

(meanwhile the steel samurai fandom is like where tf did go he hasn't updated his heart wrenching fic in a year I miss that prick who'd make fun of us for crying at any chance he got:((. and there are tons of theories abt his disappearance floating around. And yk that trend on tiktok with the song Mary on a Cross where it's like "no quote had ever affected me" and then shows a quote from like a famous poem or movie or something. Well ppl do that with random quotes from his (not tagged as slash but everyone picks up on it) magisteel slowburn fanfiction and that in itself ropes more random ppl on the internet into the lore that is miles edgeworths ao3 account. Like his fic has its own fandom at this point and ppl had all of these inside jokes about it and stuff)

uhh fastforward to a 35 yr old miles randomly remembering about that fanfic he first began writing under the covers in his cold bedroom in the Von karma manor so he logs in and find hundreds of comments asking if he's ok and stuff and he rereads the fic and is like Jesus Christ did I actually think this was normal back then. So then he finishes off the draft he had sitting in his docs for years and says something along the lines of 'damn u guys were right idk why I thought this was fine' in the notes and he posts it and is almost immediately flooded with relieved comments and everyone's like 'rejoice he's not dead' 'took you a while but we love a self aware king'. And then he goes and kisses his husband and smiles at his hoard of children and life his good all is well.

[marvelslut16]

Can't fight this feeling IV

Jim Hopper x Wheeler!reader

Synopsis: A reader insert where the reader is Mike’s oldest sister, who has already graduated and works at the police station. She has always been infatuated with Hopper, and he seems to be quite taken with her as well. This part takes place in season 1 episode 5

Word count: 4.2k+

Warnings: swearing probably. Talk of funerals and dead bodies. A character learns how to shoot a gun, in probably too much depth. My bad writing/different writing styles from different times I added to the chapter. Age gap relationship. And eventual Stranger Things canon gore.

A/n: It has been a very long two years since my last update. I was honestly so uninspired because the show wasn't on and I wasn't getting any new content. Besides that, I was busy with school and life, as well as not knowing how to end this chapter. But here it is. Let me know if you no longer want to be tagged in this, or if you're new and want to be added to the taglist. I'm already a few paragraphs into part 5.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

After a restless night, I barely slept a wink because I was too busy thinking about the Byers’ and Hop, my alarm goes off informing me that it’s time to get ready for the funeral. Will’s funeral. A part of me keeps thinking that he’s not actually dead, especially since Mike seems more anxious than upset as he fidgets at the breakfast table. 

I put on my black dress and heels in a blur, not even registering that I’m going through the motions until I’m standing fully dressed in front of my mirror. Mike comes in a few minutes later and asks me for help with his tie; dad was choking him and he says it still doesn’t look right. Very few words are exchanged throughout the family this morning, everyone is just going through the motions. 

The funeral is a bit better, I have to help Jonathan with his tie too. I stand behind his seat, hand resting on his shoulder as the Priest speaks, and I glare at Lonnie as he tries to act sad that Will is ‘dead.’ Mike, Dustin, and Lucas are whispering amongst themselves, further fueling my theory that they know something about Will that they aren’t telling me. 

As the service continues I start to glance around the crowd in hopes to find Hop, we didn’t part on good terms last night but he said he’d be here. As much as I hate to admit it, especially if all of this is fake and Will is still alive somewhere, I need Hop. I need him by my side, intertwined pinkies, or wrapped up in his side as he speaks soothing words, even if he doesn’t believe what he's saying and just reiterating the fake reassurances that my mom has told me a thousand times already. 

He’s still not here by the end of the service, making me extremely anxious that something did in fact go wrong last night. The nerves in the pit of my stomach are wound so tight that I feel like I’m going to vomit. After the line of people telling the Byers’ the cookie cutter ‘I’m sorry’s,’ and the ‘if there’s anything I can do’s,’ I walk over to Joyce and Jonathan to see if they’ve talked to Hop at all. 

“Have you guys seen Hop?” I ask Jonathan and Joyce quietly, trying my hardest to ignore Lonnie.

“Hopper is a no good drunk, you’d do better without him in this town,” the man I was attempting to avoid rolls his eyes at me.

“Oh fuck off Lonnie!” everyone still at the gravesite turns to look at me with shocked expressions, except Jonathan who’s trying not to laugh. “Go back to your cheap whore.”

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) Wheeler!” mom says sharply from behind me, Mike is audibly laughing. 

“We were all thinking it!” I defend, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Someones got a crush on Jim, huh?” he gives me a sickening, sleazy, smile that I just want to slap right off his face. “I thought my son would have found some courage and asked you out by now, no other reason to keep you around.”

“Hopper is my boss, I work with him at the station,” I’m seething. Who does this man think he is talking to me like that? “Jim Hopper is a surprisingly thoughtful boss who is good at his job, and someone I respect very much. And, for your information, Jonathan and I are best friends. Neither of us has ever felt anything more for the other. And Lonnie, we both know that whenever you get whatever it is that you want, you’ll be tearing out of Hawkins with no regard for Joyce or Jonathan, so quit acting holier than thou and just leave.”

I swiftly turn on my heel and head to the car, thankful that I drove seperate from my parents this morning; I took my mother’s car and the other five took my father’s. My heart is pounding, I can hear the blood pulsating in my ears as I start to drive away from Lonnie, from a possibly fake body, and away from Jonathan without properly talking to him. I can always go see the latter later tonight and talk with him then. I’m racing down the streets of Hawkins like a bat out of Hell, finally coming to the edge of town where Hop’s trailer is located. 

Pulling up to his trailer I’m shocked to see him outside looking around in circles, the barrel of his gun pointed towards the sky. He looks like hell; messed up hair like he just rolled out of bed, his cream colored henley has sweat stains around the collar, in his armpits, and down the back. He has a crazed look in his eyes, he looks traumatized.

I jump out of the car with no regard for my well-being, he isn’t right in the head at the moment and he could very well shoot me thinking I’m the bad guy. Lonnie’s words are still fresh in my mind; maybe Hopper went to bed drunk and high on too many of his pills. No! Snap out of it, he’s not like that. He hears my footfalls crunching on the gravel; he whips around pointing his gun at me.

My hands immediately go up in the air in surrender, I need to be careful about my next actions. My eyes widen as he keeps the gun up longer than I thought he would. All of a sudden he seems to snap out of it realizing it’s me and not some threat. He looks at me guilty as he lowers the weapon. 

“(Y/N)?” he asks, his eyes and voice telling me that he’s unsure that I’m actually real. 

“Yeah, it’s me,” I try to soothe him like I would a wild animal. My voice is soft and I slowly step closer to him, hands outstretched and palms facing towards him so he knows I won’t attack. “You weren’t at the funeral, I came to make sure you were okay.”

“I missed the funeral?” he asks, still confused and disoriented. I slowly, gently, reach forward and take the gun from his hand. He doesn’t protest, pushing the weapon into my palm once he realizes what I’m doing. 

“Yeah you did,” I take a careful step back, heels sinking into the dirt under my feet. “I was worried because of where you went after you dropped me off last night. I was scared you were hurt, or worse…” I trail off at the end, not wanting to admit out loud that deep down I was worried that Hop got killed last night. 

My words seem to remind him of why he was outside with a gun in the first place, he takes off running back inside without a word. I follow him in confusion, he’s tearing apart the living room as I walk through the door. 

“Hopper, what are you doing?” I ask in horror, Lonnie's words run through my head yet again. Is it possible that Hop was on a bender before he went to sleep and he was still drunk when he woke up?

Instead of responding verbally, Hop takes two long strides across the entire living room area to get to me, putting his hand over my mouth so I can’t talk again. He puts the index finger from his free hand to his lips as a sign for me to stay quiet, before pointing around the room. I frown as he leaves his hand on my face for a few seconds too long. 

I watch as he finally pulls back, observing him tearing apart the cushions for his couch and pulling his phone apart piece by piece. I glance around the room, noticing the spilled pills on his coffee table. Frowning, I set Hop’s gun on the table and put his pills back in the bottle as well as tidy up the empty beer cans strewn on it. 

Hop rushes to the bathroom as I start to tidy up the mess he created in the living room. I can hear him taking apart the light fixtures in there and my worry for his sanity starts to grow. I sigh and sink down onto the ground, the living room is a mess and I don’t have the heart nor the energy to continue cleaning. First we bury Will, or whatever that was, and now Hop’s losing it, how can this day get any worse? I bury my head in my hands as I hear him rush from room to room, tearing them all apart. 

Hop comes back into the living room like a hurricane, tearing apart anything he missed the first time around. I let out a squeak as he throws a light bulb to the ground, it smashes into a million pieces less than a foot away from me. I don’t want to make it worse and get in the way; but I also don’t want him to hurt himself as he destroys his home. 

The last thing untouched in his entire house is the ceiling light in his living room. His shoulders are tense as he unscrews the bolt to take off the glass covering the bulbs. My eyes widen in shock as he pulls down a listening device, or more commonly known as a bug. What the hell did Hop get himself into last night? Hop grits his teeth in an angry sneer before grabbing a book he threw from his room, and smashing the bug repeatedly until there was no way it was still functional. 

“Hop?” I finally dare to ask, raising from the floor carefully avoiding the broken lightbulb. “What happened last night?”

“I went back to the morgue,” Hop runs his fingers through his hair, pulling briefly on the ends. “I-I cut into the body, and it wasn’t real. It was stuffed just like a teddy bear, or some shit.”

“Oh my god,” I murmur under my breath, not expecting to get a response from the man in front of me. 

“So then I snuck into Hawkins lab, got pretty far too,” he continues with his story like I didn’t interrupt. His eyes keep darting around the room like he’s expecting something to hop out at him. “I found a room with a stuffed animal and a kid’s drawing on the wall. The basement- the basement had weird white things floating in the air, there were vines growing out of a glowing hole in the wall. I was surrounded by men in white hazmat suits, next thing I know I’m waking up on the couch; my pills are spilled on the table with lots of empty beer cans that I didn’t drink.”

“Will’s still out there, probably in that glowy viney thing,” I cover my mouth, suppressing a sob. I’m not sure what’s worse; Will being dead, or him still being out there and being held somewhere in Hawkins lab. “We’ve gotta save him Hop, and I’m not letting you do anything by yourself again. I’m not having you die on my watch, not when I can be there to help you.”

Hop is opening his mouth to protest you helping him, you can tell by the scrunch of his face he’s not thrilled with your idea, but tires on the dirt path outside stop him. He yanks me away from the window, grabbing his gun off the coffee table, he pushes me behind him and away from danger. Two pairs of footsteps clomp down on the stairs leading to the front door, and Hop rips the door open before the people can knock.

“Hello? Whoa! - Hey!” Callahan exclaims when Hop steps out of his trailer, gun in hand. 

“Jesus, Chief,” Powell looks at Hopper warily. “You all right?”

“What are you doing here?” Hop’s body is positioned just so that someone would have to be looking intently into the trailer to notice me behind his back. 

“We tried calling but,” Powell’s voice trails off at the end.

“Yeah, phones dead,” Hops voice is gruff and his answer clipped. I can tell he wants the two idiots on his front porch to leave, so he can continue to talk to me about what happened and where to go from here.

“Whoa, (Y/N), what are you doing here?” a shiver crawls up my spine as Callahan gives me a once over. Hop subconsciously- or consciously, I’m not quite sure which- moves in front of me completely to block Callahan’s pervy gaze. 

“Hop wasn’t at Will’s funeral, so I came by to check on him,” I push Hop out of the way and step beside him on the small porch, shutting the front door behind me. It would look a lot worse, and far more suggestive, if Hop was hiding me from view. This way it looks like we aren’t hiding anything- hiding me being there- well, except hiding the torn apart living room from the two doofuses.

Both Callahan and Powell give me disbelieving looks, Powell more so because he saw the way I was with the librarian who slept with Hop the other day, but neither of them voice their opinions on the matter. Instead Callahan starts telling Hop why they showed up in the first place, two more people in town are missing. The naive men in front of us think that everyone’s on edge because of Will’s death, but Hop and I are both thinking that it has to do with whatever is happening at the lab. 

“You go back to the station,” Hop tells the men to go back to the station once he finds out that the men went hunting near Mirkwood. My heart stuttered a bit hearing Hop himself call it that, it makes me wonder if I’m rubbing off on him, or just the boys and this case. “(Y/N) and I will look into this.”

“Are you sure?” Callahan looks awkwardly between Hop and me. I assume he’s unsure if he wants to leave me alone with Hop, especially with how wild and out of it the Chief looks to an outsider. 

“Yeah, leave it,” Hop insists, pushing me slightly as a way of telling me to open the door. 

“Oh, hey. Uh, they found Barbara’s car,” Callahan continues before I can open the door. 

“What?” Hop and I ask at the same time, blood draining from my face. 

“Barbara Holland’s car, seems she ran away after all,” Powell adds, finishing the revelation for his partner. “Staties found it late last night at a bus station.”

“Funny, right?” Callahan adds, almost seeming to catch on that something is majorly off. “They keep doing our job for us.”

“Funny, right,” Hop and I say at the same time, this time he’s more forceful with shoving me towards the door. I quickly open it and he guides me inside, slamming the door shut behind him, putting distance between us and the prying eyes of our dense coworkers.

Once the door shuts I start to clean up the living room again, sighing at the knife made rips in the apoulster of his couch, too long for me to even consider sewing back up for him. I know he was freaking out, but there’s literally a zipper right there in the back, he could have used that instead of stabbing them. While I sweep up the broken light bulbs and try to salvage anything he threw across the room earlier, Hop focuses on fixing his phone, even going as far as to duct tape the mouthpiece back together. 

Once the living room is clean, or as clean as I can get it at this particular moment, I head to the bathroom to clean that up too. I avoid his bedroom though, I know how private and personal someone’s bedroom is, that’s why I threaten Nancy and Mike anytime they go snooping through mine. By the time I’m finished in the bathroom Hop has the phone fixed and is using it to call someone. Normally I wouldn’t snoop, he deserves his privacy, but my feet feel frozen in place when I hear a woman’s voice coming from the other side of the line. 

“I know, I know, I know I shouldn’t be calling you,” Hopper sighs into the phone, playing with the bracelet he made from Sara’s hair ties. “I just wanted to...I just wanted to say that, um...even after everything that happened, I don’t...I don’t regret any of it. And those seven years, they were...everything to me.”

My heart breaks at his words, and it continues to break for him when his ex wife asks if he’s been drinking again. I didn’t know my heart could ache for him anymore than it already did, not until I see Hop’s body tense when he hears a baby start crying from the other end. She’s moved on and he hasn’t. She gets a second chance at that happily ever after bullshit, and Hopper is the Chief of Police in a small town that seems to be overtaken by some crazy powerful and dangerous outside enemy that isn’t afraid to kill anyone in it’s way. 

“You know what, actually, I have been drinking, I’m sorry,” I frown as he starts to shut her out, it’s like I can see the walls he’s built over the years start to be reinforced. “Just take care of yourself, okay? Say hi to Bill for me.” Hop slams the receiver down, hanging up on his ex wife before she can respond, setting the phone on the coffee table in front of him.

“Hop,” I sigh, holding my dress in place as I slide down the dividing wall between his kitchen and living room next to him.

 As soon as my butt touches the ground his phone starts to ring, I glance between him and the aforementioned phone wondering if he’ll pick it up. He doesn’t, he makes no move to answer it, just letting it ring. He does, however, slide his left hand across the floor and close to my right one. Hops left pinky lifts off the ground, hooks around my right one, our hands resting on the floor with our pinky’s tightly entwined. We sit like that for what feels like a long while, at least twenty or thirty minutes. I start to wonder how many times Hop’s ex wife would have called had he not ripped the phone from the wall after the second unanswered one. 

“How ‘bout I teach you to shoot,” Hop turns to me, I can’t quite read the emotion in his blue eyes, but it’s almost like they're pleading with me to say yes. I nod back and he stands, pulling me from my seated position. 

“Should I take my heels off?” I glance down at by black pumps while Hop digs the empty beer cans, the ones the people from Hawkins lab left strewn about his coffee table, out of the trash. 

“Yeah, you’ll need good balance,” Hop heads for the door, beer cans cradled in his left arm, grabbing his firearm off the coffee table with his right hand as he passes it. 

I take off my heels as I start to head towards the door, tossing them carelessly behind me in the general direction of the ruined couch. Rushing in front of Hopper, now barefoot, I open the door for him so he doesn’t have to worry about shifting the beer cans around and possibly dropping any. I follow him out the door, towards the back of his trailer and the pond behind it. Hop drops the beer cans on the grass, grabbing one and setting it on a stump of wood, the gashes on the top of the wood lead me to believe that he uses this stump to chop wood. 

Hop hands me his police issued handgun, stepping behind me once I take it. Instinctually I wrap both of my hands around the handle, my dominant hand resting slightly higher, trigger finger on the side of the barrel. I have this much knowledge of holding a gun from observing Hop, for far too long, any time he has his weapon drawn. Hop gently kicks my right foot out so my feet are shoulder width apart, I move my dominant foot forward a tad, raising my arms in front of me. 

“‘Kay, now use the little bump out on the top as a guide,” his hands rest on my shoulders, before sliding down slightly to help me aim. “Line it up with the beer can and pull the trigger.”

I take a deep breath, anchoring myself to the ground for the blowback, pointer finger moving to the trigger and pulling it. I didn’t anchor myself well enough, falling back into Hop’s chest slightly. I’m too embarrassed from this new position to hear the sound of metal ripping through tin. 

“You did great kid,” Hop whispers into my ear, sending an involuntary shiver up my spine, a shiver I can’t hide from him since we’re still pressed together. Hop slides his hands from my upper arms to my forearms, pushing slightly to lower the gun towards the ground.

“Oh my god! I did it!” I screech louder than intended when I look up to the empty stump. The can is behind the wood, a bullet embedded in the center of the logo, I hit the target on my first try! 

I set the gun on the ground, turning, and jumping into Hop’s arms. My arms are tightly wrap around his neck, and his easily slide around my waist. He holds me close for longer than necessary, but not nearly long enough for my liking: every touch from Hopper is like an itch that can’t be scratched, every time I think I’ll be satisfied but it always leaves me wanting more. 

Once Hop unwraps himself from my hold, he moves to put another beer can on the stump. This time he stays off to the side, I’m left wondering if the hug is the cause of the new position or if Hop just wants me to try alone. We go through ten more empty beer cans, I hit every single one on the first try. Hop also teaches me how to load the clip and the gun, as well as unclip it and put the safety on. 

After Hop finishes teaching me how to protect myself, he grabs my heels when he goes inside to grab one of his coats and hat, and I grab his police department jacket from my car to wear. After grabbing the aforementioned things we get into his truck to warn Joyce that her house may be bugged too, and to let her n\know that Will is probably alive somewhere lost and confused.. Hop keeps glancing my way the entire car ride, and I just nervously play with the hem of my dress. I really don’t want to see Lonnie again, and I especially don’t want him to see Hop. If Lonnie says one bad thing to Hopper in front of me, I may just deck him.

Once we pull up to Joyce’s house, Hop finds an old takeout menu in his car and grabs the pen sticking out of my jacket pocket to write a note telling Joyce to be quiet. Hop finally opens his door and I practically sprint out of my side of the car, having forgone putting on my shoes, and up to the Byers front porch. I’m pounding on the door before Hop has closed his own car door. 

“Go away Lonnie!” I hear Joyce yell from inside the house. I wonder if Joyce has kicked Lonnie to the curb again, finally, as I continue to aggressively pound on the door. Hop joins me on the front porch just as Joyce rips the front door open. “Seriously? I am going to murder-”

Hop and I hold our fingers to our lips to shush an ax wielding Joyce, in Hop’s other hand he’s holding up the old take out menu with the message written on it. Joyce looks confused and a little scared at our random appearance on her doorstep, but she doesn’t fight us when Hop pushes his way into the house. 

“Oh Jesus,” Hop grumbles while I let out a quiet ‘shit’ at all of the Christmas lights hanging in the Byers’ house. 

Hop and I get to quickly unscrew every christmas light, thank God he’s being a lot more calm about it here than at his own place. After what feels like hours Hop unscrews the last light bulb only to find that there were no bugs planted in the Byers’ house. The two of us let out a large sigh as we plop down right next to each other on Joyce’s couch. Hop’s knee rubbing up against mine is all I can think about as he explains what happened to him the night before. I do start to tune back into the conversation when Hop tells Joyce that she was right all along. 

I don’t think I have ever seen Joyce more happy than she is at this moment, at least two people believe her and now there’s undeniable proof, at least to the three of us, that Will is still alive. Joyce pulls me up from the couch and into a bone crushing hug, the hope and joy she's radiating is infectious.

CFTF tags: @letaliabane @ilovethatforyou @gay-forspace @ffantasylandd @simplyjazzy666 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @l0ve-0f-my-life @moonstarsandsongs @euphoniumpets @noshi-chan @astream-ofconsciousness @rentheanonymous @southsideacademythings @peter-beter-barker @tinynshykitten @captainstilinskis @krazykatkay456 @sara-stark-rogers

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

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Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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[ootahime]

Another one, sorry! I'm ashamed to admit it because apparently I didn't understand it Why is Gojo paying Mei Mei? I assumed it was to promote his students, since the panels are followed. Thank you so much!! Keep writing more GojoHime theories and content please

don’t apologize bby <3 i’ll gladly answer all the questions you have 

i always tag my posts under gojohime because i don’t want the haters to discover this account.......

Why is Gojo paying Mei Mei?

You know, I thought he was paying Mei to promote his students too.  But as time went on, I realized this most likely isn’t the case.  Of course, I could always be wrong.  Let me get into it!

Mei Mei is not affiliated with the Jujutsu High branches because she works on her own accord.  She is an independent sorceress.  In Gojo’s point of view, she’s an ideal person to hire because she only works for the money.  Mei doesn’t care about anyone or anything, as long as cash is flowing in her bank account at the end of the day, she will carry out the job.  This aspect of Mei guarantees secrecy for Gojo because she won’t spill the beans about the traitors.  

Remember when Gojo told Mei that he noticed discrepancies in Yuuji’s footage during the Kyoto event?  Mei makes the excuse that crows will always be animals so she can’t fully control where they choose to look.  Gojo obviously doesn’t fall for her lies so he asks her which side she’s on to which she replies with “The side with money, of course.”  It’s clear at this point that Gakuganji paid Mei to keep the crows away from Yuuji so Gojo wouldn’t notice that the Kyoto kids are trying to assassinate his student.

Mei lies to protect her employer, Gakuganji.  As long as Mei is working under someone, she will always keep the mission information under wraps.  She won’t even tell Gojo about Gakuganji’s scheme.  

This probably seems off-topic but what I’m trying to say here is that assigning Mei with the task to unearth the moles would be a good choice on Gojo’s behalf because she will always keep her private missions a secret, which is beneficial for Gojo and Utahime because they don’t want to let it be known that they are aware that someone is feeding intel to curses and curse users.

Okay, now let’s answer why I don’t think Mei was paid by Gojo to promote his students.  

Before he deposited the money into Mei’s bank account, he was on a call with Utahime.  He was bragging about how the three first-year students each defeated a special grade curse on their own--thanks to his spectacular teaching.  It’s clear that he’s referring to Megumi, Yuuji, and Nobara here.  

Then the two talk about Utahime’s progress with the investigation.  He ends the call thinking that it’s a hassle having to be careful because he doesn’t know who could be listening in on his conversations with Utahime.  This is where Mei could be useful!  He has to be extra cautious with Utahime because she’s a teacher that’s exposed to both the students and the Kyoto school staff.  It’d be hard for her to investigate because she could be close to the suspects.  In contrast, Mei is not associated with anyone so she would not have a problem snooping around.  Hiring Mei would be more convenient and much less of a risk for Gojo.  

After Mei receives the money and laughs, we are shown Mei and Todo recommending Panda, Maki, Yuuji, Megumi, and Nobara for promotion.  

Mei recommends Panda and Maki while Todo recommends the trio.  Although Maki and Panda are close to Gojo, he is not their teacher anymore because he’s in charge of the first-years.  Atsuya Kusakabe is the one who’s in charge of the second-years.  If Gojo paid Mei to recommend his students then she should have said Yuuji, Megumi, and Nobara instead.  I firmly believe that Mei and Todo were impressed by the feats of those they recommended for promotion, therefore their actions are sincere.  Mei did acknowledge Maki’s abilities during the event, after all.  We also know that Todo is a genuine guy, he would not recommend anyone if he didn’t deem them to be worthy, even Yuuji.  

In my mind, it’s out of character for Gojo to consider promoting his students to Grade 1 in such an dishonest way.  Early in the story, Gojo reveals that his dream is to have strong allies that are willing to help him change the jujutsu system for the better.  As he is talking about his dream to Ijichi, there’s a panel of Gojo with his students standing alongside him to represent that him and his students are on equal terms.  They are as strong, if not even stronger than him in his dream.  He wants to foster the next generation of sorcerers to be exceptionally strong, yes, but he doesn’t want to take shortcuts.  

I’m sure everyone is aware that Gojo is a super childish guy.  I find it funny because when he was a little kid, he was so serious.  I think all of the responsibilities that come with being the strongest stripped him of a good childhood so he made up for it over the years by acting like a complete toddler.  The whole incident with Riko, Geto, and even Haibara, once again emphasized to him that being a sorcerer is no easy job.  At this point, he’s seen the death of so many innocent children because they’re unfortunate enough to be involved in a system that not only fails to protect them but exploits their efforts as well.  He absolutely hates the higher ups for making it this way.  He doesn’t want the students to suffer like him and his classmates did when they should be out having fun and doing what normal kids do.  

When you are a Grade 1 sorcerer, you are expected to adhere to the standards of perfection in jujutsu society.  You will have to make sacrifices you don’t want to make.  The death of those around you is inevitable.  Ultimately, being a Grade 1 sorcerer demands one to harden their heart.  In one of the light novels, Gojo follows Nanami to Hokkaido because Nanami was on a mission there and Gojo wanted to make a request.  I’m too lazy to go back and read it so I’ll just have to rely on my memory.  What I say is accurate but likely out of order.  Anyway, after they finished the job Nanami sought out to do, they have a conversation about sorcery.  Gojo basically admits that being a sorcerer never gets easier, even for him, because he, like many others, experiences traumatic events daily as a part of his job.  They then go to a bar and Gojo asks Nanami to take Yuuji under his wing because he believes Nanami has a lot to teach him.  I don’t remember much out of the conversation but I do remember Gojo saying something along the lines of, “I don’t want to see Yuuji’s smile fade--not even once.”  This statement suggests that he wants to preserve the innocence of such a pure boy like Yuuji.  Nanami thinks the same because he tells Yuuji that being a child is not a sin.  

Gojo wants to protect his students’ childhoods.  It is unlike him to pay Mei to promote his students to Grade 1 because he knows that would mean they would have to leave behind their youth to be another casualty in the cruelty that is jujutsu society.  He doesn’t want them to be exploited by the elders.  Like I said before, of course he wants them to be strong, but paying his way to his goal is not characteristic of Gojo Satoru.