#i'm not expecting this to have one piece levels of worldbuilding

[alteredphoenix]

Considering doing a (very rudimentary) write-up of Kagurabachi volume 1 once the next chapter drops. Probably just a little dive into the world's technology, bits of worldbuilding, and character study.

[what-the-flux]

Future status of this blog.

Hey you lovely peeps, it's just me giving a bit of an update for those that noticed the slowdown in my posts in recent months. I feel like talking on a personal level for once so if you don't want to read the whole thing and just want the tl;dr, here it is: This side blog will soon be going on an indefinite hiatus. I may come back to the fandom eventually but no telling at this point in time. If you’ve ever enjoyed my art, writing and characters here then you might enjoy yet more of that in original worldbuilding settings and a motley of other fandom or AU stuff then please follow my main @sparkyopteryx, I’ll be getting more active on that page again. I do have a couple more GW2 pieces to finish up and post at the end of this year so I hope you guys enjoy a sort of "last hurrah" from me before I redirect my focus. <3 If you want to read my open diary thoughts as I wax nostalgic and wistful then clicky the read more (DISCLAIMER: there is absolutely no callouts to individuals or guilds of any kind mentioned here and no name dropping. It's all just me and my thoughts and feelings, so hopefully that assuages any anxiety).

I've been here a looooong time. I checked my archive to see how far this blog goes back and whoof, January 2015. February 2015 was me posting my very first GW2 art on here, surprise surprise it was an asura. (technically not my very first asura art, very first asura I drew was Quinn in July 2014). Didn't know how deep the GW2 claws would get me and hold me for a decade, no other mmo had that kind of effect on me. WoW wasn't even close. DDO, Neverwinter Nights, Perfect World, all a piddly drop in the bucket compared to GW2. So much has happened to me since starting this game up to this point. I transitioned. I changed my name. I moved to a different living space. I started new relationships. I acquired two best friends. I went bald and grew a beard! This game rewired my creative brain, and I say that with....mixed thoughts and feelings. I've written SO many character stories and rp'd a ton and made so many characters that in some cases are up there with some of my most important muses I've ever created now. I love so many of them so much I'm picking them up and taking them with me to my other universes because I can't bear the idea of just leaving them behind and many of them are just too powerful to be contained (looking at you Oort, Euphix, Hoskk....yeah a lot of them). I say mixed though because also, it was to the detriment of my original settings. GW2 had me in a choke hold, which normally is fine with hyperfixations but this was a fixation that spanned actual years and I'm really feeling needing a change for a while and I miss creatively living in the spaces from my settings that I've carried around with me since elementary school. There's also the social aspect. I acknowledge the ever-shifting dynamic of fandoms, friend groups and how social media and how a social game like an MMO shapes things over the years. It's all a part of putting yourself out there with other people, I get all that. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words but I still want to express myself in some fashion so I'm going to do my best but it's a complex, many faceted thing. I've met and made friends over the years but kept a tiny few. I've seen how other platforms and changing social expectations have shaped how people interact in fandom spaces. It's fascinating, to say the least. But as much as I've tried to put myself out there over the years, GW2 is the one that has given me the most dread, anxiety or general feeling of always being in the orbit or outlier. No, I don't care about being popular. But we're always trying to look for somewhere to belong in these fandom spaces you know? I am a firm believer of how we're always creating for ourselves and that is what I always do, every day I create it's cuz it's mine and I want to see it out in the world. Art is also a communal work, that's what makes art, writing, music and such unique. We make something from nothing for us, but also because we do it to share something of ourselves to others. I've gotten all sorts of beautiful comments and feedback and very occasionally the joyous feeling of someone asking about a character or idea. I've also given these things, because I genuinely love peoples' characters and hearing what they think up. I always hoped to carve my niche and feel at ease with a group of people long term. To get that feeling of communal exchange of ideas, characters, really deep rp and character interaction and all that. Ultimately though it's never been a lasting thing here and unfortunately I have a full time day job, finite amount of energy and focus for me to be constantly trying to be the one to initiate, maintain a social presence and be regularly updating with art and posts. NOT me fishing for sympathy or any of that so any of those comments are unnecessary. It’s alright, it’s just a thing that happens anywhere but it’s happened to me consistently here so I’m just not expending my energy overextending anymore and moving on.

As I said before, it’s complex. It’s not all negative, but I’m exhausted and burned out so it means simply putting down things that feel like they aren���t doing it for me anymore or aren’t making me feel fulfilled and happy in some way, because goodness knows I need every scrap of it with all the stuff I’m dealing with in my life these days. This space may be active again one day! Who knows! I sure don’t. I don’t make promises one way or another because no one can predict what will happen a month or a year from now. But regardless of whatever happens I hope to be able to still interact with and share other spaces in other capacities, and if not I wish you the best of luck in all your creative and personal endeavors! If you’re still actually reading this, I want to say that at the end of the day, many of you have given me support even in minor ways and for that I earnestly say thank you, it was people like you that helped keep me going. Even the people that I don’t really talk to anymore, you count too because we shared a lovely if fleeting thing. That’s about it from me though. Sorry if it got a bit rambly in parts, the original draft of this was much longer and probably even harder to follow. These are my feelings and my experiences I’m talking about, not general sweeping statements that should be taken as fact and I myself do not consider them facts, just what I’ve faced and what I’ve observed and felt. In the event this really is the end of GW2 for me, here’s to a decade of art, rp, writing, characters, silliness and good times. Tyria really did a number on me and for that I am thankful, I will keep the good memories with me. Excelsior! --Sparky

[lord-squiggletits]

currently interested in taking questions about the tarnma pen pals AU

Here's some general topics, concepts, and plot bunnies that I'm contemplating that might be able to help y'all figure out some questions to ask about the elements that are most interesting:

Takes place post-war and Earth didn't happen; however, it's generally later in the war so you can assume most of the canonical war events did still happen

Pharma gets promoted to CMO when Ratchet retires at the end of the war. There's some stuff about achieving his dream, but also living through it and wondering if it's what he really wanted all along/if it's really what would make him happy

Tarn has a really complicated relationship with Megatron where his trust/admiration is shattered but he still relies on him to give him things to do/reasons to live, and it's gradually over time that Tarn realizes that Megatron used him as a game piece and little else

Tarn also has interactions with Optimus, who wants to re-establish a relationship (platonic, almost parental-esque in a way), and might also have similar interactions with Ratchet since they both knew him back in the Glitch days

Pharma actually gets off his ass and confesses to Ratchet, but Ratchet is already dating Drift; Ratchet offers to open the relationship into a polycule, but Pharma wants exclusivity so he gives up on that crush. However, he stays on good terms with Ratchet and even gets to know Drift and have a casual friendship/easy time hanging out

Tarn's drug addiction is a major plot point/ongoing character struggle of him trying to get clean

Some elements of political intrigue and putting on fronts; not really on the level of some wide conspiracy (unless?), but both Tarn and Pharma are in extremely visible public positions where they're expected to act as figureheads/Model Citizens (TM) to uphold the peace. So even if there's not Grand Political Conspiracies, there is still an element of acting/manipulation/concealing one's true self

On a lighter note, Pharma realizes that he has no talents or social circles outside of being a doctor, so he ends up trying a lot of different hobbies in an effort to reshape his identity (with varying success)

Any questions/ideas about what Pharma and Tarn talk about in their pen pal letters would be cool as well

Tarn and the rest of the DJD (Nickel included) stay tightly knit post-war because all of them have the shared struggle of trying to figure out wtf Megatron means about pulling back on the violent rhetoric and telling them to integrate + all of them are also drug addicts so they commiserate about the difficulties of rehab + they have hard times socializing bc the DJD are so infamous that basically no one wants to be integrated with them no matter the faction alignment

Also, Vos is Dominus Ambus who didn't get domesticated into The Pet. He reveals his double-agent thing but the DJD let him stay (for some reason) and there might be something where he tries to pull his Autobot connections to make sure they have easier times of getting stuff like reframes?

General ideas of what political crap and publicity stunts Pharma and Tarn would be subjected to as Model Citizens of the post-war peace efforts

Background MegOP, not really paid attention to by Tarn or Pharma but the implications of them having a secret relationship are there a little. Or maybe their relationship is a public thing, which might also happen for plot/worldbuilding related reasons

Honestly a lot of these questions are Tarn-related bc he has the most going on in terms of problems he's dealing with, shitty events haunting his past, and characters to have relationships with, so if anyone has any Pharma-related questions/ideas to make his side of the story more compelling, that'd be cool too.

Feel free to ask me questions on things not listed here as well; this is just a starting list to help ppl come up with questions

[mashedcontroller]

I'm feeling spicy, time to list everything I think BH outclassed 03 on. And by that, prepare yourself for the most backhanded, hyper specific or wildly vague, and strings-attached compliments you've heard in your fucking life. But actually, the reason I'm doing this is because I think 03 is better than BH in every way that matters. The majority of common points people give BH over 03 typically come down to attempts to make subjective taste sound objective since a lot of shit is really just a difference in priorities and/or genre rather than an objective flaw in the other show.

And, to be clear, 03 is the better show. It has a really strong thematic core and just says a lot of shit that I rarely see other stuff have the gall to say. 03 tackles heavy topics and tackles them well. It left me with a lot to think about, even years after my first viewing. It's a political piece of art that remains relevant 20 years after the fact. On some levels, it was designed to do this. 03 is a character drama that deconstructs a lot of the elements that make up the shonen genre, and it also very clearly had something to say. 03 has very few weak points and has some of the strongest moments I've seen from any piece of media that I've interacted with. I think a lot of its bad reputation comes from people failing to engage with the show on its own terms. I can only speculate on what's going through other people's heads, but expecting it to act as supplementary material for BH is a fundamentally wrong assumption to make about the show. These two shows are trying to accomplish very different things, so judging 03 on its ability to be BH is a boldfaced stupid lens to view the show through.

BH, however, is still a well-made show. Like, I'm more than happy to shit on it, but BH is by no means a bad anime. It's just not as ambitious as people claim it to be. And if it really is one of the best things Shonun has to offer, then that says pretty mediocre things about the genre imo. It's far from a bad show. I think it accomplishes the role of "fun action series" really well, but it also has gaping flaws the moment you decide to engage with the work critically. That's not necessarily an issue that I'll take with its fanbase. The show's got a lot of elements that make it good for cultivating one. Stuff like large casts, likeable characters, emphasizing its worldbuilding, prioritizing action over character work, etc. are all traits that are great for cultivating fandom, and they're all traits that BH has that 03 revokes. But yeah, BH does fall apart once you look at it critically. My biggest issues with it come down to the fact that the show baits you into thinking that it's deeper than it actually is. So, I'll take the bait and look for the deeper stuff and then find nothing, which is where my negative perception of the show comes from, which isn't helped by how common it is for people to take the bait without really looking.

So, yeah, in short, I have a mountain of good things to say about 03. It's an incredible piece of art with so much shit to look into. In my opinion, you're doing the show a disservice to watch it and not put serious analytical thought into what you're consuming. Meanwhile I have a lot of mixed opinions about BH. It's a great show to watch, it's just a terrible show to consume critically. This isn't even me calling people who prefer BH dumb or anything. The show's are just so fundamentally different from one-another that your preference truly does just come down to a mix of personal tastes and how you prefer to interact with media, especially if you're a more casual viewer of either/both shows. The part that makes me angry is how disrespected 03 is in the majority of FMA circles.

The animation and sound design of Roy's snap is really fucking good in BH.

While 03 may have an overall better art direction and visuals than BH, I do really like how juicy the BH animators and sound designers made Roy's fire attack. The fire itself is just so fucking juicy and satisfying. The BH team did a really good job at making that attack iconic. There's no "but actually" here. The BH team just fucking nailed this one aspect.

In general, BH has better special effects than 03. This is absolutely a difference in available technology at the time each show was animated. And while I do have respect for special effects animation; it's often the difference between animations looking really stiff vs getting across their intended atmospheres, especially in the realm of video games. Using a human body as an analogy, the special effects are more like the hair than the skin, fat, muscle, nerves, or bones. Both important but somewhat expendable.

BH's alchemy is much more logically consistent than 03's.

So, there are a lot of reasons for this difference. The two main ones are the BH and 03 can barely if even be considered the same genre of anime. BH is a fun fights-heavy action series with some intrigue plot, while 03 is a really critical deconstruction the genre BH embraces that's more of a character drama with a heavily knit thematic core than anything else.

And their commitments to their genres translate to each show's relationship with alchemy. In 03, Alchemy's rules are much more metaphoric than literal. Equivalent Exchange is the shit because it's representative of the philosophy that Edward clings to; that life is fundamentally fair, that there is some universal justification for everything that happens. And 03 is about tearing that belief into itty bitty pieces. In fact, we learn that Equivalent Exchange isn't even true. Everything about Alchemy in 03 is bound by the magic's metaphorical meaning. Thus, when it comes to fights, characters really just need to be able to loosely justify how their alchemy functions for the audience to go "oh ok." And, in 03, alchemy is fundamentally powered by taking the life force of something and using that energy to do something else. So, you get stuff like the ability to extract alchemical energy from plants in order to amplify your alchemy much later, Edward being able to turn his automail into a gun, Dante's alchemic dragon thing, Scar's arm being the Philosopher's Stone, etc. The point is that you're sort of meant to accept that "yeah thats a thing that can happen." In other words, the fights exist purely for spectacle and the logic behind them is low priority at best. So, the way 03 frames it's combat is that it has to establish rules that exist within their own space and work with those rules. So, it can't circumvent stuff like "Roy can't use his gloves if they're wet" because there's no reason to and giving a talk about how H2O has Oxygen in it would have been horribly distracting in the one scene where Roy does get fucking soaked. Especially since him being crafty in a fight is sold by him just using Havoc's matches + Armstrongs rocks to make frag bombs. Tldr, the way 03 is structured allows if not flat out encourages characters to bullshit during fights. I think the fast and loose usage of alchemy's principles in the earlier parts of the show also make the later parts of the show, where those principals turn out to be false, feel more believable.

Meanwhile, BH's alchemy is operating on a much more literal framework, so the writing has more room and necessity for creative and engaging combat sequences. In a way, the fights in BH are puzzles and alchemy is the tools the characters are given to solve those puzzles, so the fights become engaging because you want to see how the characters solve the puzzles. It's very gamey. That said, I do have to say that I dislike how the homunculi are fit into this system. Their lose condition is having their stones exhausted, which just translates into "they have more HP." Which is very bullshit. The homunculi in BH die when the story tells them to, at least, that's how their lose condition makes it feel.

Both shows heavily rely on the usage of gimmicks to make their fights interesting. For example, Roy uses exclusively fire, which he creates by snapping. Like, I really like how Roy's combat gimmick gets explored in this fight specifically.

I like how Ed ducks into a crowd in an attempt to dissuade him, and Roy's like "you think I care about collateral damage lmao." I like how Ed thinks he won the fight by slicing Roy's glove, but then Roy just ruins his day by revealing that he has two hands and therefore another glove. I really like how Roy's not taking this very seriously and Ed only wins because of Roy getting a flashback. This fight is just an excellent display of character for both of them and I love it.

Anyways, there are a lot of other character gimmicks. Honestly, 03 is so much better with its character gimmicks during fights than BH is. Like, I could list a ton of cool moments where the character gimmicks get played with. And part of how it does this is that every character plays by their own rules. No character will ever break their own rules, but the universal rules governing what is and isn't acceptable for a fight isn't very consistent. This does fit into 03s themes about how there is no universal truth. But yeah, that's how 03 structures its fights and why characters will sometimes just blatantly ignore the laws of alchemy.

Anyways, in BH, the rules are much less person-by-person and are more like "Alchemists can do XYZ," "Homunculi can do ABC," "Alkahestrists can do UWV," "Chimeras can do RST," etc. So, everyone has similar rules that they have to play by. Which also makes it so much more jarring when someone blatantly breaks those rules. Like, when Edward gets impaled and uses alchemy to not die, it's super jarring because that breaks the laws of human frailty and it doesn't really make sense. It's even worse when Edward fucks with Pride's Stone. Compare that to some of the blatant bullshitting in 03, like where Edward uses concrete to turn his broken automail into a gun. He shouldn't be able to decide when the shots are fired and where's the ammo coming from? But part of the reason it isn't jarring is because him turning his automail into a gun isn't a big deal or even particularly important to the scene he does that in. Or take bullshitting that is more relevant, like Alphonse performing a successful human transmutation. At this point, it's been clearly established that Alchemy's laws aren't true. So, Alphonse breaking them doesn't break audience suspense. Instead, the fundamental logic behind it actually working is tied to the story's central themes.

But yeah, BH's alchemy is a bit more logically consistent than 03's, but there's a very good reason for 03's alchemy to have some logical inconsistencies, which results in BH being much worse at breaking its own rules than 03 is.

A lot of the characters are just easier to get behind and digest in BH.

The entire point of 03 is that these characters are nazis and morally grey as fuck. Meanwhile, the characters in BH are primarily meant to be fun characters that you could comfortably fantasize about being or being friends with. The characters in BH are much simpler than in 03 and the show tends to gloss over their war crimes. Even when it addresses them, there's a billion asterisks and variations of "they're still the good guys." Compared to 03, where everyone is just messy and fucked up.

For example, BH Roy is easier to root for than 03 Roy, but that's because BH Roy is a fundamentally different type of character than 03 Roy. BH Roy is firmly a protagonist while with 03 Roy, he's much more antagonistic and complex. He doesn't solidly fit into the categorization of protagonist or antagonist because he's a bit of both.

And to be clear, I'm not calling the characters in BH simplistic in a derogatory way. A major benefit to simplicity is that you know who to root for and don't have to do a ton of heavy thinking to enjoy the story. That said, I don't think this style of character is necessarily appropriate for a story where the majority of the protagonists committed racial genocide and serve in the military for a fascist dictatorship. BH's characterization would've been a lot better if the story wasn't also trying to cover ridiculously heavy topics.

I've been using Roy as my go-to example since he's the only character to be one of my favorites in both shows, but I think the character who benefits the most from this point is Izumi. In BH, she's iconic. She's a slapstick oriented character who's just a joy to have on screen. In 03, her character writing gives me a lot of mixed messages. She's still very slap stick, but it's just weird in 03 since a lot of similar stuff gets unpacked, but Izumi being outright physically abusive to the Elrics at times just isn't. She's also much softer in 03; most characters are. And I'm mostly just left confused on how to feel about her. She has some great scenes, especially with Wrath, but the character feels a bit disjointed. In BH, she really benefits from being a nonparticipant in Ishval. The writing doesn't have to worry about her being sympathetic in spite of her committing genocide, so she gets to be divorced from the massive fuck up that was that section of the story.

BH has a larger cast than 03. Also, a lot of BH exclusive characters are more likeable than the 03 exclusive characters.

There's a lot of things to unpack here.

So, first thing that's kinda an obvious point is that BH prioritizes making its characters easily likeable to the detriment of its larger themes, 03 makes its characters likeable in service of those themes. So, it's a lot easier to get behind BH Mustang than 03 Mustang because Mustang's warcrimes just aren't that important in BH while they're the most important part of the character in 03. A lot of a character's likeability in BH hinges on the audience's ability to simply ignore the Ishval subplot, which was already a poorly handled subplot. While in 03, their likeability is intentionally contrasted with their war crimes to make a point. That's the primary reason why the characters in BH are more likeable than in 03.

And this also extends to the casts that are either version exclusive or unrecognizable between the two. Kimbly is a perfect example. In BH, he's designed primarily as a fun and bombastic antagonist who blows shit up because it's fun. They also made him extremely fashionable. Meanwhile, in 03 he's genuinely fucked up and views the lives of people as little more than tools to use to further his own goals, which is made interesting by Kimbly not being a top dog (like most villains running with that mindset are). He's at the bottom of the food chain and yet he still thrives under that mindset. BH Kimbly is the more fun character, but that's because BH Kimbly and 03 Kimbly are fundamentally different types of antagonist.

A lot of this comes down to tone. 03 is a much more somber show than BH. Unlike BH, it takes the premise of "child soldier works for a fascist government that partook in genocide a few years back because he wants to fix a mistake that made him and his brother permanently disabled" as a sign that the story is meant to be dark and a little fucked up. Meanwhile, BH tends to gloss over the fucked up shit in favor of selling the power-fantasy aspect of the story. This just results in BH's characters being a lot more fun. The surface level shit is the only thing that really matters to them when looking at BH since the deeper shit is simply shit and not really worth calling attention to.

The cast sizes also exist to further both show's individual goals. BH being about action and badass people being badass benefits from a larger cast because you get to see more flavors of badassery. It lets fights cycle between different styles of combat, which helps keep things interesting. 03 is a character drama. This benefits from having a smaller cast because it allows the show to spend more time unpacking a handful of characters.

There are a lot more badass female characters in BH compared to 03

I'll give BH a "you did the bare minimum" award for being an action show with female characters who are not just eye candy. That doesn't make the show revolutionary. It just says bad things about the genre that this isn't considered the bare minimum. But yeah, in both shows, most of the female characters are subordinate to their male peers. Hawkeye is defined as Roy's henchman. Winry is defined as Ed's love interest/childhood friend, Izumi is defined as Ed's mentor. In some aspects, this is fine. Like, the main characters are Edward and Alphonse, they don't need to draw attention away from them in favor of their own bullshit. But how badass a character is doesn't exactly translate into whether they're feminist.

Like, again, the reason you see more badass female characters in BH than 03 is the same reason you see more badass characters in BH than 03; BH is an action show, 03 is a character drama with some amount of action on the side. They're both guilty of employing sexist tropes. BH tends mix those tropes with badassery, while 03 tends to mix those tropes with character nuance. Doesn't change the existence of the tropes. It's sort of just something that you gotta accept about either show. That doesn't mean that its female characters don't have good moments in either show. Just that they're working from a sexist baseline. Neither show is particularly feminist, but they're also far from the worst offenders out there.

There are a few characters where I prefer their BH incarnations over their 03 versions.

The reason someone might prefer one version's character over another is a bit more nuanced than just which character was written better. The vast majority of overlapping characters fulfill different narrative niches in each story. For example, comparing 03 Lust and BH Lust has always felt disingenuous to me because while it's true that 03 Lust is the more compelling character, a major reason for that fact is that BH Lust was never designed with being compelling in mind. A more apt comparison would be 03 Lust to BH Greed, as those two characters do share the same niche of being an antagonist that makes the audience question the nature of the homunculi and eventually splits off from them. I'd also say that BH Lust and 03 Greed fulfill similar narrative niches as being a minor antagonist that establishes exactly what the main villains are all about and who's death is used as a tool by the authors to reveal exactly what the protagonist slaying them is all about. That's why BH Lust's death and 03 Greed's Deaths are both pointed to as highlighting points in their respective series. They both execute on their niches quite well.

This also accounts for the primary reason why someone may like a character in one show but dislike them in another. BH Mustang fulfills the niche of a secondary protagonist. In 03, he fulfills the role of a pseudo-antagonist / morally ambiguous major character. I happen to really like both versions of Mustang, but it's for very different reasons. In BH, I just think he's funny and has a lot of good banter. That's more or less exactly what he's meant to accomplish there. You're supposed to go "haha funny" and/or "haha awesome" with this guy. BH Mustang falls apart when you critically analyze him because the Ishval plot was mishandled, but his surface level traits are so good that I can just be like "I saw nothing." Meanwhile, 03 Mustang is a character who you sort of have to engage with critically to get the most out of. He's a complicated character and his relationship with the audience isn't a static variable. And there's merit to both approaches of character writing. There's as much value to a character where it's not worth overanalyzing them as there is to a character who doesn't really come into their own until you pull out the tweezers.

So, in case anyone's curious, which characters do I prefer their BH incarnations to over their 03 incarnations? Well, I prefer Barry the Chopper and Izumi Curtis in BH vs their 03 counterparts. Like I said, there's a lot more nuance than "this character was written better in one anime than the other" when regarding personal preferences. So, the reason I prefer BH Izumi over 03 Izumi is that I thought BH Izumi was funny and cool while I just got a lot of mixed messages about 03 Izumi. So, in this case, I think BH Izumi fulfilled her narrative purpose really well, while I have much more mixed opinions on 03 Izumi. As for Barry, it's a similar case where I thought he was really funny in BH, while I think he fell short as a more serious antagonist in 03. In Izumi's case, the failings I have for her in 03 are that I don't think her treatment of the Elrics is put under the same scrutiny that every other character is given. Like, in BH, her being physically violent towards them is played off for comedy. It's the same case in 03, but it doesn't work as well in this context because 03 is the show that turned the short jokes into an important metaphor, so it's really weird that Izumi's slapstick wasn't given the same treatment. And I found that really off-putting. Meanwhile, my main issue with BH Izumi is that the stuff around her failed human transmutation was extremely underexplored, which doesn't stick out as much as the slapstick issue in 03 because Izumi is ultimately a minor character in BH while she takes the mantle of a more major character in 03. Though, personal bias is a huge factor in why I prefer BH Izumi over 03 Izumi, since her specific plot about being unable to bear children just happens to be so alien to my personal life, as someone who's both never had a failed pregnancy, has zero interest in bearing children, and would happily make a magic "goodbye pussy" circle. It's not that this type of conflict can't still be compelling to someone like me, but it's going to require more narrative work than a conflict that I can more closely relate to. Hence, why it's personal bias. Meanwhile, in the case of Barry the Chopper, my preference towards BH's version is a fair bit less subjectively biased. He just fits really awkwardly into the role 03 tries to assign him. The issue is that he jumps back and forth between trying to be fucked up and scary to being a comedic antagonist, which just undermines both aspects of him.

Like, the antagonist for this scene, should end up looking completely alien to the version of Barry the Chopper seen in BH, but that version of Barry is played relatively similar to BH Barry in Lab 5, resulting in the 03 Barry being inconsistent.

And for every character where I prefer their BH version, there are plenty more characters where I prefer their 03 versions. And a lot of that will come down to personal preference.

Armstrong's a great example of a character who on a surface level isn't that far off between 03 and BH, but he just works so much better in 03 than in BH because of the different character niches he fulfills in both shows. In 03, he's a minor character, while in BH, he's a major character. So, in 03, he's not particularly developed. He's mainly a funny guy who has a few shots where he's sad over Ishbal, and then he ends up supporting Mustang in overthrowing the government, which he mostly does in a comedic fashion. That's a pretty apt description for both his 03 and BH incarnations, but I only take issue with his performance in BH. The reason for this is that he's a more important character in BH, so I expect the show to disclose more information about him, which doesn't happen. Like, in BH, I want to know more about how his refusal to fight in Ishval affected him, his relationships, his status, etc. But BH only addresses that through off-handed scenes where Olivier calls him a pussy, which don't really go anywhere. Meanwhile, in 03, first of all, Armstrong did kill people in Ishbal, so the massive question of "how did his time in Ishbal affect him" can be supplemented by other characters confronting similar questions. Thus, the minor amounts of information we are given about Armstrong alongside information we see from other characters who were soldiers in Ishbal like Marcoh and Mustang are more than enough to get across the general picture. Secondly, we actually do get hints at how Armstrong's goofier attitude and kinder disposition impact his career. Mainly during the raid in Dublith where Envy disguised as Bradly says "this is why you never get a promotion." As a minor character in 03, he's allowed to have the nuances of his character be heavily carried by implication. But I can't really give a major character like BH Armstrong that same affordance, especially when those hints are barely given. It doesn't help that Armstrong's backstory in BH very heavily leaned into the story's insistence that the soldiers didn't mean it when they slaughtered Ishval.

Edward is more of a Badass in BH than 03

Ngl, I'm cheating a little with this point because it's like "I agree with this point but I also couldn't give less of a shit about it." Which, that response is, at least, 85% personal preference coming into the equation. I'm not going to say that badass characters never resonate with me, but it's really uncommon because the badass character has to be someone I personally can somewhat relate to, which is a rare flavor of character in popular media. My own experiences with the two characters are that I find BH Edward to be kinda boring as a character while 03 Edward is the most interesting character in the show (as he should be given everything I said about what 03 is trying to accomplish). But it's a lot of the same stuff my general thesis has been; BH Ed is more badass than 03 Ed because BH Ed was written to be a badass while 03 Ed was written to be a compelling character.

The actual reason I wanted to bring up this point is because it's a common enough point I've seen people make when comparing the two shows and I find this point rather bothersome. Maybe that's because I take issue with consistently seeing a rather mediocre character being placed on a pedestal over one of the best protagonists I've ever seen. But it's also more the explanations that bug me than anything. Like, I cannot take anyone seriously who uses calling a character "whiny" as a critique. Maybe it's because you're looking for an action hero who can shrug off shit that would normally be traumatizing, in which case, you're in the wrong genre. Maybe you take some issue with characters being emotional in a vulnerable sort of way. 03 features a lot of characters displaying emotions in a dysfunctional sort of way. Characters are allowed to hurt in a way that doesn't fuel anything other than more hurt. Characters will repress their feelings and that will bite them in the ass. Characters are allowed to be depressed, not in a "waiting for the heroic do shit speech" sort of way but in the genuine "existing is painful, no energy, depression" kinda way.

And this is the point that rubs me the wrong way about the majority of complaints thrown at 03 Ed. It's not that wallowing in your own misery makes for good entertainment, but it's an important part of 03's themes and its point. I can also, just, relate more to this unproductive sense of pain. I have depression, that is what depression looks and feels like. It's unproductive, it's painful, it can't be fixed by someone just walking up to you and giving a dramatic speech. And that's why the way 03 expresses hurt resonates with me in a way that BH's just doesn't. It's low octane, and that's the point. That's what makes it good.

BH's Ending is a lot more Straight-Forwards than 03's Ending

I think that's the best way I can put it without saying something I flat out disagree with. BH, in general, is much more straight-forwards than 03, and the endings of both show embody that. BH is, ultimately, a fun show where the heroes have to take a bunch of twists and turns to come out victorious. Meanwhile, 03 is an extremely messy show about characters being put in fucked up situations and no one coming out of it unscathed. It's about decisions that will haunt you for the rest of your life. It's about situations where the right answer is the one you least want to accept. It's a show about how the people will create doctrines to shield themselves from the truth. And it's a show about human selfishness. The endings of both shows are exactly how their shows should have ended. BH was never going to have a bad ending and 03 was never going to have a completely satisfactory ending. If 03 had a happy ending, the show would've been worse off for it.

So, yeah, BH's ending is a lot more straight-forward. It's a happy ending where everyone gets what they want more or less. Narrative knots are tied. All that shit. I personally thought the ending was nothing special. Like, it's another happy ending. I can't fault people for enjoying it for that, but it's not the type of thing that's going to stand out in my brain.

Meanwhile, 03's ending does a lot of nontraditional things. There's arguably multiple major plot twists that come out of nowhere and are more of a "fuck you" to the audience than anything else. The protagonists end the series arguably off worse than where they started. Wrath and Gluttony are still alive and haven't had their arcs concluded in any satisfying way. There's no guarantee that the setting or the characters in it will continue to be okay after the series ends. And that's okay. The ending of 03 is very messy because it's meant to be messy because the point that the show is making is that the world is neither straightforward nor fair, which is why you gotta keep doing the best you can to improve it. That's why the ending is uplifting. Even though Edward's in arguably the worst position he's been in throughout the series, having literally lost everything, he hasn't given up, so you, the viewer, shouldn't give up either. Life doesn't end until it ends, so you should live.

And yeah, the ways that 03's and BH's ending function are fundamentally different. I can totally see why one ending would pass someone by. Like I already said, I didn't feel anything watching BH's ending but 03's ending felt very significant to me, and I could totally understand the inverse being true for some people.

Conclusion

People give BH too much credit and shit too much on 03. Like, 03 is just the better show. It's just that 03 isn't designed to be a comfortable watch in the same way BH is. You're meant to leave BH feeling good, you're meant to leave 03 with a lot to think about. If 03 makes you uncomfortable, that's a feature, not a bug. Many of the fan advertised strengths and weaknesses of each show is really just differences in genre.

And while I've repeatedly conveyed that 03 is the better show, that's not because BH is bad; 03 is just really fucking good. It's like comparing Elden Ring to Dark Souls 1; sure they're made by the same developers and have a lot of surface level similarities, but they're so fundamentally different experiences that viewing them through the same lens isn't fair to either. There are a lot of things that BH does well, and there are a lot of things that 03 does well. But it's not fair to say "BH does X thing better than 03 therefore it's better" (or the occasions where the inverse claim is made) because both shows are trying to paint very different pictures, to the point where I don't consider them to be parts of the same genre. There may be similar components, but the way those components are used is very different from one-another. Comparing the two shows makes for interesting analysis, but it's bad for the purposes of actually criticizing either show.

[mistfallengw2]

Done with the story, and boy howdy am I happy with this expansion~

So, let's get the easy ones out of the way: map design and music are just top notch, even more than usual. Lost count of the amount of times I got lost exploring, it's all just damn neat, and I'm not even done. Likewise, I got so many goosebumps due to the music, and now that I'm past spoilers, I'm due to sit down and properly listen to the full soundtrack. Also, sound design has always been awesome as well, and each time they move up a level.

Story was pretty damn good and DENSE with stuff for lore nerds to chew on. GW2 is back to doing what it does best, and the worldbuilding through dialogue and books has been a blessing this time around. So many of the interesting things "forgotten by the story" got addressed or aknowledged, and I kinda like that we've been out of the loop for a while even before the SotO stuff (we can't be everywhere, and that's a good thing) so that it can be done organically. The Tyrian Alliance have some of my fave dialogue (oh Dougal, hang in there buddy) and books, and MAN the hints at potential future expansions have me running up walls. Also all my homies hate Isgarren's floaty ass and I'm here for it (and for poor Frode who has to wrangle him). The investigative parts are such a pearl of writing, piecing together what happened in Gavril through texts found around the map before the bloodstone story step was SO satisfying, and in general I loved each build-up. I expected things from Waiting Sorrow, and while what I got wasn't what I expected, I love her already (you can whoop Isgarren's supposed ass, don't hold back dear). I've seen people complain about Poky being Braham 2.0, which is fair, but honestly I'm here for it and I really want the two of them to meet and be friend (even Alder thinks the same, come on!). Can't wait to dwelve in all the other collections and achievements I haven't done yet, what I got done so far has been quite fun.

Gameplay? Sure the spears are awesome, the warclaw is fun (gosh the chain-race mechanic in those story fights? Perfection.), but the events and hearts are the kind of small scale stuff that makes me adore GW2, because I like being useful to people in mundane yet meaningful ways and it makes every part of the world feel lived in. I love that they reused a ton of older minigames and event structure for the new maps, and I haven't been so "at home" in maps since Grothmar.

Speaking of homes, the Homestead... Haven't touched it much because I wanted to focus on finishing story before going away for a few days + F2 being bugged for me. Given what I've seen, I'm glad I stocked up on mats, but I'll keep doing that and leave the actual decorating to when I have a nebulous "enough". With the story done, I will not respond of the emotional damage I will soon suffer. Expect posts uncomprehensible keysmashes under screenshots, I can't promise more (might survive since emotes don't seem possible for the alts, and while sad I do know that could have slain me).

My only sore points have been mostly resolved or are known bugs, and I'm trying to make my peace with the warclaw's animation speed ruining an otherwise perfect mount.

Could ramble a lot more, but all in all? If this is what we get after the teething pains of SotO, I'm sold on all future expansions and more. (And I should probably get started with GW1, huh)

Now to think about my OCs... For sure this is a expansion all about Aurelia and Ellara with a side of Zehmik, but gotta see about the rest...

[cptn-m]

One Piece chapter 1130 review

What a place to leave off before a two week break. As expected, we have actually arrived in Elbaph and man, the art is worth the years of build-up. This is also the ninth chapter of volume 111, making it the book's first possible stopping point. It would be a short volume, with a number of reduced page count chapters, but wouldn't this make an impression to go out on? I'd definitely want to get the next book after seeing it. And it would be nice and neat on Oda's end to finish a volume then take the break to plan out the next few.

I'm glad to get a little bit more of the other half of the crew's post-Egghead outfits as we establish they'll be joining the main plot on Elbaph soon. The cutaways to this group also reveal the purpose of splitting the crew the way Oda did - building tension over Vivi's status a little longer by keeping the group that would recognise her message from reading the paper. It's interesting the acknowledgement of how drastically Luffy's appearance changes in Gear Five that there's even a question of whether he usually has a mark on his arm (and it only takes a cursory review of any Egghead chapter to be absolutely sure he does not) but Robin gives us the info we need to fill in the gaps. I feel like Oda could have gone a little further in emphasising the blur on the arm against the clarity of the mark in his illustrations, but the point still gets across.

And I do love the Alabasta callback (and a 3D2Y one) all these years later, making such an iconic moment important to the plot in a way that feels really natural rather than a pure nostalgia shoutout.

It's also fun officially getting inflation as a justification for the extreme bounty inflation you see with the old generations vs the new. That's the kind of thing you usually see pitched as a headcanon to fill in the gaps, but here it is.

Getting back to the main group, we're introduced to the real Elbaph and it impresses on every front. The scale and ideas - the island built up in the tiers of Yggdrasil, the non-lego version of Bigstein Castle, that steep, enormous rope bridge. The worldbuilding detail of the slats being too far apart for human travellers (Luffy proves he's a Crash Bandicoot 1 vet by walking on the railing instead) and the artistic detail in the braided ropes holding it up. Finding out the apparent columns seen in the sky in previous glimpses of the island are waterfalls trailing from the higher branches. This is beautiful. We don't even see the top of the tree, so it's possible there's more above. But there are no waterfalls cascading down into the highest level we can see, so it's unlikely a hypothetical third tier would be as densely (if at all) populated as the ones below. Oh, and there's also the name, I guess. I was never much of a believer in the theory that it was meant to be 'fable' spelled backwards for some story reason - it's just never been Oda's style of wordplay, especially being in English, and I think if it was an intended reading Oda would have provided the romanisation earlier so both Japanese and English readers could figure it out, and if it was that important the correct spelling would probably have been provided to translators and merch producers so we wouldn't have a replica log pose that reads 'Elbuff' - but I did always think the Elbaf spelling was more aesthetically appealing. But canon marches on.

The Elbaph lore and culture is starting to build. The land perhaps stands rudderless - we know that King Harald is dead and neither of his two known official sons has been able to ascend to the throne. Loki for obvious reasons. Hadjurdin for less obvious ones, but he was talking on Dressrosa about wanting to be king of the giants. Is there a third son, official or otherwise, who's taken charge? An usurper? A queen regent? Or are either the warriors or Elder Jarul simply keeping the peace until the issue of succession can be resolved?

Then there's Loki himself. Very, very cool design on this one, and I have no idea whether I want to see it put to use more as an ally or as a villain. The ambitious assassination of his father, false Sun God angle and talk of the end of the world sure give off a villainous vibe (and that Doflamingo tongue has a bad association) but that's only what we've been told. There may be more to the story about Harald, more to the role of Sun God and the idea that it will destroy the world (remember the double meaning of Luffy's Fishman Island prophecy?) and layers to Loki's personality not yet shown. When he gets free (because obviously he has to) I'll be waiting to see if his actions back up or contract what we've been told.

To fixate on one little part of his appearance, what's with the blindfold? And the rendering in the last panel revealing the shape of his eye? I would put down a reasonable bet that the devil fruit he stole gives a power somehow related to or activated via the eyes. On the other hand, the loss of an eye is a very Norse mythology thing to include. The missing rendering gives the feeling of an empty socket, and we are still due an important character with an eyepatch. Or it could just be intended to imply Loki is using Observation Haki or some some other advanced sense to "look" at Luffy through his blindfold. I can never be sure how far to overthink these kinds of small details.

This is a great chapter that sets the tone for a great arc, and I can't wait to see what's in store when Oda comes back from his well-earned research break. Full arc Egghead review for real next week.

[amethystfairy1]

Hello!!! Been a big fan of both TTSBC and Traveling Thieves for a while (I remember I was actually there when the first Thieves fic was published!). Like previous asks, I've got some basic worldbuilding questions for TTSBC, mostly about the logistics of the under-city. And don't worry, I'm not expecting too deep or complex an answer.

If the under-city caverns are not bottomless, then at some point wouldn't overcrowding or extreme population density become a serious issue? If that is the case, then are there any big problems with housing or homelessness? Especially from Ren we know that some under-city families/clans can grow quite large. I know you've said that the main cavern and the depths aren't the only parts of the undercity and there are other tunnels and smaller caverns that branch off from it, but still, there are only so many places to go underground when you're boxed in on all sides.

Where does the under-city get their food? I'm assuming most commercial crops aren't an option because they need lots of space and sunlight, as well as most land animals like cattle or pigs and such because they also need space for farms and grazing. Are there special types of animals or plants that have adapted to live beneath bedrock? Given the technology level in the setting, perhaps the labs came up with some way to engineer and grow their own crops? Does glamor play any role in food production?

Hello, hello! ✨

I know you of course I do! Thanks so much for all your kind comments and support of both the AUs for all this time, I really appreciate it! Questions questions questions! ☺️

Sooooo....remember how monsters are a big problem? Yeah...the mortality rate of the under-city is unfortunately quite high, especially on the lower levels and out in the tunnels and other caves and such. I also feel like I'm underselling just how huge the under-city is. Like. It's REALLY big. I don't want to slap numbers on it because I feel like I'll pigeon-hole myself but like, while yes it is certainly crowded, it's not to the point where it's extremely overpopulated. Also I will say that while it's true that clans like Ren and Lizzie's get pretty huge, there aren't that many clans that grow to that size in the under-city. The Dog and Cat hunting clans are the main ones, and I do plan to elaborate on that more especially once we get back to Treebark. So between the two of them they are huge, yes, but it's not like every single hunting family/clan of subspecies gets to that size.

They have several different ways. There are foods that have adapted to grow in the under-city such as glowberries, but also there is the underground trade. I've mentioned it here and there, but Etho's main job is that he trades with the over-city for supplies, under the table. It's something that's been going on for years and it's nothing new, and there are several characters I am very much looking forward to introducing you all too that are apart of this fragile chain keeping the over-city and under-city connected. For example, remember how Xisuma showed up briefly in 'Everything and More'? And how his job title is head of Over-City Relations? It's got something to do with that. Also yes! The labs have developed ways to grow crops and steady food supplies in the under-city, including some livestock like chickens and cows, but again, it's all quite limited. The under-city does have resources enough to manage without any connection to the over-city for at least a year or two, but things would start straining pretty quickly, and that's kind of what Doc and his new version of the labs has been trying to improve upon ever since he took over. And...well, glamor itself doesn't play a role, but there have been experiments in using glamor to help with the problem. While I don't plan to go crazy on the details in these aspects, there are pieces planned in the future (with perhaps another new ship OH NO) where we'll learn about how the under-city actually runs and supplies itself.

Hope these were helpful! 💖

[tumblezwei]

Randomly selected 10 things I liked this year in no particular order

- Final Fanasy 16

It was good and fun. I haven't gotten the DLC yet tho and probs won't for a while. I have too many games I need to finish atm

- Witch from Mercury season 2

the best gundam series as said by someone who has only watched 2

- One Piece

I'm like, 90% sure that I started seriously getting into it this year. Genuinely so much better than I ever expected it to be

- SSS-Class Revival Hunter

This one's recent. If you're like me and upon reading Solo Leveling thought: "man, I wish this series had literally any type of character development, emotional stakes, characters worth investing into, well-developed worldbuilding, or anything that even remotely resembled an interesting plot" then read this instead.

- Half-Life 2

the Half-Life that's good (said with love)

- Foundryside

good book, will read sequels eventually when my motivation for reading comes back

- Honkai Star Rail

holy shit it's actually been nearly a year since I decided to play this damn game. Live Laugh Love March 7th

- Little Goody Two Shoes

Yuri and horror. That's it that's the post.

- Endo and Kobayashi Live

And I will STAY praising mediocre shoujo adaptations until my dying breath!!!! It was cute, it was fun, it and every other of it's kind deserve the production value of JJK but without the devastating worker exploitation.

- I'm in Love with the Villainess

this goes out to all the yuri anime we got this year and especially this one

[johaerys-writes]

Is there a fic/trope that you like and even wanted to write, but for some reason you can't? Like someone likes fics set in a fantasy universe and tries to write something like that, but has so much difficulty that they don't do it...

Oooh that's such an interesting question! There are definitely things that I've thought about writing, but don't necessarily feel skilled enough or qualified to write. I've been wanting to write a dark or monstrous version of Achilles for a while now, for example, but I can never truly do it. I babygirl-ify him way too much in my own stories I feel LOL he and Patroclus always end up super sweet no matter how I set out to write them. Which isn't bad per se, I just really want to challenge myself eventually and explore parts of his character that I find intriguing even if they’re a little unsavoury.

In that vein, I feel like I'm incapable of writing a truly dark or id fic. I like reading stories that make me feel a little uncomfortable or that explore taboo or icky subjects, and I love reading fics where the characters are the absolute worst version of themselves; I also like reading stories that don't have a happy ending sometimes, but when it comes to my own writing I don't know if I can do it!! Especially with characters I am attached with, I just want them to be happy 😭 I hate watching them suffer and I always have a happy ending or resolution in mind to keep me going while writing. And maybe it ends up a little too sugary sweet sometimes lol but what can you do.

Other than that, I never say never because usually the things I say I'd never write or that I want but can't write for whatever reason, I end up writing them anyway. Like a couple years ago I talked about mpreg and how it wasn't for me and I couldn't write it and now I'm writing mpreg LOL. I also vacillated for almost a year between writing Disasters or not because the scope felt too big and I didn't know if I could pull it off. I'd been wanting to write a modern coming of age AU and I had started a couple different patchilles modern AUs with that idea in mind but I adandoned them soon after because it felt so out of my league, like I was so convinced I couldn’t write about the things I wanted to write and do them justice that I had sort of given up, I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. But I kept at it and challenged myself, and I'm very happy for doing that because Disasters is one of my favorite things I've written, I love it so much.

So I think that even if there are tropes or fic concepts that I'm a little intimidated by right now, that doesn't mean that I'll never be able to write them, it's just that maybe I'm a little under level haha. Or that some stories just take longer to come together. And I think that's something that applies to all writers/creatives: some concepts or tropes might seem overwhelming now but as you grow as a person and an artist and build your skillset, you're able to take on more and more challenging projects.

Another thing that helps if you're having trouble writing a particular setting or trope is reading the stuff you eventually want to write. Like if you struggle writing fantasy, read as much fantasy as you can and as broad a range as you can, and read critically: that is, try to analyse the elements of the story and how the worldbuilding is done, how the plot/magic system/character development/whatever is handled, take notes, notice what you like and don't like, go back and reread, etc. When you feel you have a good grasp on it, try your hand at writing it and don't be afraid to mess up. If a story isn't working for whatever reason you can always set it aside and come back to it later when you feel more confident, or just start small and see where it takes you. A friend once gave me a great piece of advice that I still try to keep in mind, which is that you can't be 100% happy with everything you create all the time, that's such an unrealistic expectation and it can put a lot of pressure on you. But if you have a goal to, let's say, write a chapter for your story that you're 60% or 70% happy with, that makes it so much easier to work with. (My personal threshold is 70%: it doesn't have to be perfect but as long as I'm 70% happy with the thing I've created, then that's good enough for me.) And then you write another chapter, and another chapter, and before you know it you have a finished project that you're e.g. 80% or even 90% happy with, which imo is so much better than a project that you abandoned because you couldn't bring it to 100%. And that's my two cents when it comes to taking on any creative project haha.

Anyway, I'm not sure that's the answer you were looking for but thank you for the ask! 💕

[wholelotofweird]

Meowdy, I hope you're ready to take a peek at all of the books I've read the last 3 months!

By read, I do also mean listened to. I'm a huge fan of audiobooks, because my brain is bad.

Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone - Benjamin Stevenson

I love a good mystery book, and this is a good mystery book. The narrator has a strong voice and is up-front about their unreliable nature. This book does a great job of making sure you are on the narrator's side, it never feels like they are purposefully keeping readers in the dark in order to pull a gotcha.

Pacing and suspense are SO well balanced to the point where I devoured this book in a day.

Paladin's Grace - T. Kingfisher

I was so prepared for this book to lean way more heavily into a fantasy world where I'd have to learn more terms and how social systems work, and just 1000 other things that can put me off of fantasy books. It's part of the reason I put it off for so long after getting it recommended to me (sorry, Ben.)

THIS BOOK, THOUGH, is not that at all. We don't have to learn new names for "church" or "palm tree". The author manages to thread the line between assuming that readers know the world already, and not creating a bunch of buckwild new words. The handholding though the worldbuilding is so light that you almost don't even feel it.

The setting manages to feel modern and fantastic all at once, which is just... The perfect food for me. The pantheon exists, but it isn't the focus.

This is a romance novel but not a bodice ripper, or overly erotic. I feel the depths of the emotions between the two main characters, which is what I really want.

My one gripe is that the final resolution feels very deus ex. Now, if I was going to pull out my fancy degree and analyze this, I could make an argument that the ending is supposed to feel that, for [spoilers]. But... I'm not sure how true that is. Maybe I'll have to re-read the book and keep that argument in mind.

Even with the ending, this book is lovely.

The Cybernetic Tea Shop - Meredith Katz

This book is short and sweet and a lovely look at an ace relationship.

I haven't read a book sub 200 pages in about a billion years, so many modern books are 600+ pages. Some of them! So good! Others!! Painfully long! This book manages to build an amazing world, atmosphere, multiple characters, and a believable romantic relationship all in the space of a few hundred pages.

Not just that, but the story happens to be about grief, and life, and what it is a person really wants. There are a handful of books I've read in my life that I connect with on such a deep level that I feel seen and changed, Convince Store Woman is one, and this is one.

Cults - Max Cutler

Taking a hard swerve into some non-fiction. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what I was getting into with this one. I'm not HUGE into true crime (anymore, 14 year old me S U P E R was), so I was a little concerned that I was signing up for some grim, overly detailed, look into the crimes.

What I got instead was a thoughtful look at the psychology behind cult leaders. Yeah, there are a few sections that are pretty grim, but the book doesn't revel in them, if that makes sense. There is never a point where I feel like I am supposed to be ENJOYING the crimes being detailed.

The focus on not just the leaders lives pre-cult, but the lives of the cult members does a ton of work to unmythologize (.... new word alert) some of these leaders.

House of Salt and Sorrows - Erin A. Craig

So... I don't know. I didn't dislike this book, but I'm not sure I'm a fan. I will read the second one when I have access to it, but I don't know that I'd read this one again.

Here is a true fact about me - I don't read summaries of books or horror movies. This, as you may imagine, leads me to having to some WILD times with media.

Anyway, the point is: I was expecting a mystery period piece. What I got was a fantasy mystery period piece. It was fun, it was a little overly complicated. At the end of the day, I was definitely not the target audience for this.

I'm Glad My Mom Died - Janette McCurdy

Jesus. Christ.

When i-Carly was popular I was juuuuuust old enough to say I hated it, while watching it with my younger sisters pretty frequently. I didn't make sure to watch any of the big event episodes. I didn't see every episode, but the show was a constant in my life.

To get such a raw look at someone's life who was molded to be a 'peer' was WACK. Jennette doesn't sugar coat anything. Her experiences are raw and honest and it is probably the only way these experiences could be expressed.

Paladin's Strength - T. Kingfisher

You may be asking "why didn't you put this up next to the first book?"

Great question.

I'm putting this list in order that I read them, so like. Ease off.

I equal parts liked this book just as much, and had trouble getting through it. I am once again in love with the world and with the characters. During some of the middle of the book it felt like the book was 600 pages just to be 600 pages, and not because things needed to be said.

When I was in college I was accused of writing too many "stage directions" in my literature. I blame my years of RPing on Gaia Online and fan-fic writing on that. There is a definite style that comes from those writing exercises, a style where you want all of the readers to know everything from point A to point B. The thing is, not all of that is needed. I don't need 200 pages of sexual tension and flirting to believe in the relationship of two people. It's the "show don't tell" rule taken to the extreme.

There are some times when it's okay to tell and not show.

I like this book, I wish it was shorter, I will be reading the next one in the series because, damn it, this series is fun.

The Curse of Chalion - Lois McMaster Bujold

I don't tend to read fantasy books Like This anymore. When I was younger this type of book was my bread and butter. I've found that a lot of them (to me, at my advanced age) are tedious. And I'm tired.

This book! Manages not to be tedious and absolutely cradled me in the arms of fantasy I loved when I was younger. The book isn't, plot wise, comforting and yet I felt comforted reading it. I understand that the sentiment makes little sense. I'll say, though, if you were like me and were/are a big fan of Tamora Pierce's work - I cannot recommend this book enough.

Mrs. Sherlock Holmes - Brad Ricca

What is more cool than a woman lawyer, investigator, and social rights advocate in the 1900s? Basically nothing. This is another non-fiction book that truly brought to life the folks it detailed. I am OBSESSED with this woman.

I had never heard of Grace Humiston, which seems like an absolute shame, not just because she was cool as all hell, but because she spent so much time and effort protecting the underserved classes of 1900s New York. She was a lawyer who often worked for free to represent folks who could either not speak or write in English and were being taken advantage of.

She became an investigator, basically, because she knew the police were not putting effort into it.

The Salt Grows Heavy - Cassandra Khaw

This was another one that I didn't read the summary for before jumping in. I knew it was a queer book and I knew there was a mermaid, I didn't need any other convincing.

Here we have another sub 200 page book that tells an amazing love story. A story of personhood and growth and revenge.

It is not an easy read either in content or syntax. I haven't really put any trigger warnings with any of the other books, maybe that's a system I'll implement if anyone is interested. But this one: Body Horror, and Gore. If you have a weak stomach I would, sadly, not recommend this to you.

That said, this book is one of the more poetic ones I've read in a long time. Every word feels purposeful in a way that I don't run into often. Keeping the book short works perfectly for that style. If it were any longer I could easily find myself getting lost in the writing.

Legends & Lattes - Travis Baldree

This book has been on my TBR for... A While. It took my friend starting it and sending rave reviews for me to pick it up.

Here's another fun fact about me - My brain is broken. I have a hard time engaging with media that I KNOW I will enjoy, simply because. Because why? I don't know. To be contrary? Because I don't want to be disappointed? Because I'm scared I'll like it too much?

Who knows, don't recommend shows or movies to me and expect me to get back to you in a timely manner. You have to wait 3-5 years.

So, knowing that, I am glad I forced myself to pick this up. This is the coffee shop AU that we all love. The creation of this AU was treated with such love and care, it's clear the author knows what's up. All I want is a big strong character to fall in love with a smaller, softer, character and also run a little shop.

This book delivers on that and more. I cannot WAIT for the next book.

Leech - Hiron Ennes

I'm going to start with the easy stuff - This is a wonderfully dark book. I'm not usually a gothic horror reader, but wow. This book is about horror, identity, reclaiming the self. My library had it miss-tagged as romance which??? It is SUPER not.

The harder part is putting into words how I feel about this book. I like this book, it is complex and poetic. There were times where I felt like I was about to crawl out of my skin, in a good way. Emotions are so viscerally described that I could feel them in my gut.

The history of the world feels so deep, and the author does an amazing job at making me feel like that there are things going on outside the view of the character. That is an amazing skill to pull on, making the world around the character feel truly alive.

I told my friends when I finished it that sometimes "u read a book and the book read u."

I haven't put on my literature analysis hat on in nearly a decade. I would LOVE to spend more time to sit with this book and peel back the layers and figure out all of the ways this book makes me feel seen as a queer person. I don't have the words for that right now. Just know that I felt it.

Ghost Eaters - Clay McLeod Chapman

I don't know how I feel about this book. I think, overall, I like it. I think the plot is interesting, but the book isn't really about the plot, it's about the character. It's about grief and relationships and healing.

I felt like the first 200 pages were a real struggle for me. Unlike some of the other books I've read on this list, I did read a blurb about this one. I wonder if that was why the first 3rd of this book was a struggle. I was waiting the hook to find me. Instead, I had pages and pages of character exploration. I don't hate character exploration! But it wasn't what I was expecting.

The end... Left me feeling sad, and a little hopeless. Which, I think is the point. I think is why I don't read a ton of horror books. I love horror movies, I don't mind if the endings of those are bleak and hopeless. I think the difference is time spent. Reading a book takes so much more time and dedication and like... I want to be happy, is the thing.

I like this book, I think it's a wonderfully written look at addiction and grief and the ways those can eat a person alive.

Paladin's Hope - T. Kingfisher

I devoured this book in 5 hours. I... I opened it and did not put it down. I think this one may be my favorite of the three. I think the author managed to strike the exact right balance of tension, romance, and action.

Unlike Paladin's Strength, I never felt that there were these big empty spaces -- There was momentum.

I want to once again say that I LOVE that the characters are into their 30s. As a person also into their 30s it's just nice to see folks who feel real. Maybe I've been reading the wrong books for years, I simply feel a deep connection for characters similar in age who are just so... Normal (ignoring that some of them are paladin's of a dead god... you know what I mean).

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today I'm Gonna Play: Love and Deepspace

I came across this video a couple months ago of a really high poly guy and thought it was CGI made by someone talented. Turns out it was an upcoming otome game for mobile?! I replaced my phone recently so this was a good time to look forward to trying something with high-end graphics for this platform.

My experience with Otome games isn't much. I've played those dating sims that a few friends were very into back in school on DeviantArt, notably by Zeiva and Pacthesis. This was my entry to the Visual Novel (VN) genre, but I didn't understand the appeal of of liking 2D guys. Fast forward and I've also played a couple otome VNs on mobile and dabbled slightly on PC and even though I find a few interesting love interests based on appearance and personality, I STILL didn't get the appeal, until I finally played Mystic Messenger two years ago and got my heart shattered and was rejected by my love interest lol. This idea of having a social messaging format with calls for a mobile game is one of the most creative things I've seen for both the VN genre as a whole as well as the mobile platform. I don't know if any other VNs have done something like this before.

What Love and Deepspace does, is basically take that same format and iterate upon it with its worldbuilding. But it doesn't stop there. The real selling points of this game is that it uses very high quality 3D models akin to Final Fantasy CGs and also have real-time action combat. This seemed like a combo I never thought would exist, but I'm sure as hell glad to see it. Apart from chatting and calls using your own created avatar, it includes other features such as micro blogs which are Twitter-esque, so you can like and comment on the other characters' posts, and sometimes make your own. There are interaction features with the love interest, by being able to touch him, ask him things, and even things like listening to heartbeats or blowing on him using your mic?? It's another level of immersiveness! Minigames also exist which add to the story, such as claw machines (which are actually not to rigged compared to real life), playing cards, taking photos, and mini stories or audio that you can obtain from gacha.

The gacha aspect is not related to obtaining your love interest like in other gachas, but rather it's unlocking additional content about them, such as the mini stories. These stories tend to look like casual hangouts or even romantic dates. I'm not sure if there are any intimate scenes or not so far.

The story is not bad, I'm intruiged by the lore and the overall world as I like futuristic settings. There's a lot of info dump in documents and such that you typically see in gachas or RPGs, but this is one of the few times where I actually read through them. And surprisingly, the protagonist (you) is actually a lot more competent than expected!

The only issue I have is that the way the story is presented makes the characters look like they don't know each other yet and are distant, which is fine. But the romance parts you unlock through gacha or other features of the game seem more affectionate so it feels quite disjointed. It makes me feel confused on how I can piece these moments together.

Another nitpick although minor is that the daily stamina that you can obtain through login times don't seem to sync up in local time, so I'm assuming it's based on China's time zone instead. I've mostly been on this game during the evenings which make me miss both of them. It's a bit of a weird decision for international players.

I've also seen comments online about the lack of a male character or other gender options. I also agree that this would be nice to have. But I also acknowledge that this game is primarily aimed towards women (therefore an otome game), and since it's a Chinese game, I'm not sure if they would allow any type of BL in it. This could cause a bit of disinterest for international players. The only option I can see is to provide a larger variety of options for the current female avatar (which is also a complaint even amongst women playing the game), which could also have the avatar look a little more masculine presenting, etc. This could be a slight workaround towards any censorship laws while also allowing for more diversity. Plus technically speaking, the advantage of shorter hair or buzz cuts etc. would also mean less complex hair rigging (like with long hair) so it may be easier to animate and handle.

Overall, this game has huge potential that could transform romance/otome games for mobile like Mystic Messenger if all goes well. This will be another mobile game I'll keep playing!

[incesthemes]

final thoughts: supernatural season 6

what an interesting season. i think what i'm most surprised about is how strikingly different this season is compared to its predecessors. maybe i only picked up on it because i knew in advance that the showrunner shifted from kripke to gamble, but i still think it's fascinating to see how much can change just be putting someone new in charge.

i don't remember how i felt about season 6 the first time i watched it, but rewatching it now it definitely feels like "the beginning of the end" to me. like it's clear that it's all downhill from here, now that the original concept and plot has run its course. i wouldn't really say it's bad, but it lacked the cohesion and direction that the original 5 seasons had.

my main critique is probably that it felt like it jumped all over the place. it felt like there were three small plots shoved into one season, rather than being one overarching plot with smaller arcs. the eve thing in particular disappoints me, since she was only around for a few episodes before she got got. it calls into question her authority and power and makes her seem like not as big a deal as they said she was. mother of all monsters? yeah, nbd. got her in one try. i would have liked to see more failures or consequences on sam and dean's part as they tried to take her down—maybe even make her the season 6 big bad and then focus on cas's bullshit in season 7. idk, i think it could have been handled a lot better, but as it stands eve doesn't really stand out to me as being a monster more threatening than, say, a vampire. hell, a vampire posed more threat to the winchesters than eve, since dean actually got turned by one and suffered the consequences of it.

(i really liked the vampire episode. they should do more like that.)

i TRULY don't understand the whole "burning demon bones" nonsense. it's set up to be some great way to gank a demon, as if they don't have a demon-killing knife AND exorcism spells. i tried to rationalize it at first as like "well this way they don't have to be near the demon" which should work for lesser demons who can't teleport—but hello? crowley can. and he does. "oh but he was in the devil's trap" then use the demon-killing knife? throw it at him. idk it just seemed like a very weird thing to introduce, and the pomp and circumstance it got really seemed overblown compared to what it actually is: another mundane option for killing demons to put in their arsenal.

i think they could have stood to put a little more foreshadowing in the early episodes of this season, too. when cas started getting shady all of a sudden it felt more like an about-face than a revelation, so i would have preferred more puzzle pieces be presented from the start.

i DO really like how they develop the soul in this season, and what their philosophy about souls is. the idea that "caring" is the primary function of the soul. like sympathy, empathy, desire, worry—all the emotions that connect you to another person, basically. that's an interesting way to play the idea of a soul, and i mostly like how it was executed. i was expecting "soullessness" to be more demonic in nature, so i like that the show makes a poignant distinction between "corrupted soul" and "no soul." my major critique here is regarding sam's lust for women, which seems extremely contradictory to the established worldbuilding. like having a sex drive independent of emotion is fine, but there are many moments in the season where sam checks out women or watches them appraisingly, which indicates some level of desire—and why would a guy with no soul care about sexual attraction? doesn't make a lot of sense. this is where i really think the writers muddied the distinction between demonic and soulless, and i couldn't help but roll my eyes every time they whipped out another one of those moments.

oh and i liked all of the crowley/bobby interactions. few and far between, but god they did a great job with it. i like their parallels (why do they have the same favorite curse. that's so unnecessarily homoerotic), and the tension between them is the exact type i like in my ships. there's a maturity and age to them which gives their interactions a nice spice and flavor, so i hope there are more moments like these in season 7 too.

overall though i think the season was pretty lackluster. it makes sense in a lot of ways since they're scrambling to find a plot after the original story finished, and it's definitely a transitional season. but i realize now that there's a very big reason why i remember so much of the first 5 seasons and so little of anything past that. but i believe that's the gist of my thoughts. season 7 is next! since i clearly don't know when to stop lmao

[bluerosesburnblue]

What do you think is the best way for someone to get into Twisted Wonderland?

Honestly? Probably just downloading the app and playing it yourself if you can. Unfortunately, it's not out in some countries and there's not a lot of people out there making full video playthroughs of it, either, so there's really no other good way to go about it if you can't download the game for whatever reason, which is a real shame

If you can play, though, the game itself is very newcomer friendly. You can really take it at whatever pace you want; main story content is always available and does not cost any in-game energy to access. There is an energy system, but it's for leveling up your characters and is incredibly passive. All you need to do is select the class you want, select your characters, hit start, set it to loop, and you're good to go, no other input required until the next time your energy is charged up. Even when I started the game, it was pretty easy to just go through the story with underleveled characters because you always take in a borrowed one from another player and most people are very kind and put up their best ones, so you always have a plethora to choose from

The one thing that you do miss out on would be the story events because they're only archived if you completed them, but even then the North American server has been doing a really good job at rerunning old events (except the Culinary Crucibles, RIP Chef Silver card, I want it so bad). I've even noticed that if the NA server runs what would be considered "sequel" events to previous ones that they did, then you can usually access the scenes for the first one in the archives as long as the sequel is running. Some people do complain that the NA server does events too fast/often, but the reason for this seems to be that they're trying to get it up to date with the Japanese server

Speaking of events, this month after the current combat-focused event (the Joint Exam) ends on June 8th, the NA server will be getting a rerun of The Phantom Bride, a story event where a ghostly noble who died before finding her true love returns to the school hoping to finally fulfill her dream of finding a husband. When she selects one of the students and the others find out that the marriage would bring him to the afterlife, they set out to do what they can to save him. Then, later on in the month, we'll be getting the second Camp Vargas event. In the first event (which reran last month), Coach Vargas took all of the sports clubs out into the woods for a weekend training camp that ended up getting more intense than expect. Now, he looks to do the same for the boys in the art and culture clubs, too. So if either of those sound interesting, now might be a good time to hop in!

If you do get into it, anon, I hope you enjoy! The game has a lot of things to love about it. Not only do I love pretty much all of the characters, but I find that the game is really respectful towards classic Disney works and their stories, and does a fantastic job working that into the characters and even the worldbuilding, which pulls double-duty not only inventing a mythos where all of the Disney movies happened in the same world, but imagining what those locations would look in modern times. The game also leans into the "magic boarding school with different houses the students are sorted into" idea (for anyone looking for a Harry Potter alternative), while taking the concept in a more mature direction since, with a handful of exceptions, the main cast are all ages 16-18. I think it's safe to say that it's actually one of my favorite pieces of fiction at the moment, so I'm very flattered that you asked me for advice on getting into it and I hope this helped out a bit!

[theseventhoffrostfall]

Actually, since I have a few days yet before I transition back into WarPosting Mode (ceaseless autistic worldbuilding, updates on books I'm reading, and occasional tales of getting shelled, running away, and looting On-Site Procurement of Supplementary Funding) I suppose I have time for some of my more common brand of autism

Namely, having been playing F:NV so directly on the heels of 4, I'm reminded of Bethesda's frankly scummy habit of frontloading/centerloading all of the production value in their games.

New Vegas, the first several towns and major quests you come across, you're presented with a number of factions to support, some minor-to-moderate choices to be made, and piles of skill checks to pass or fail depending on your build. This is presented with basically the exact same level of voice acting, animation work (actually a bit less, consider the few bits of scripting and set pieces happen much later for momentous occasions) present through the rest of the game; a few static, pre-planned encounters happen along the road you're travelling for cowboy vengeance, from the minor (raider gangs and wildlife) to the major (The Legion's burnt down a town), all to set the stage for the game to come in the most honest way possible.

4, you come out of your cryotube and out of the vault commenting on everything, special voicelines for everything you see. The first NPC you're expected to talk to is the only one who actually possesses the vaunted-in-promo-material attribute of acknowledging your chosen name. You'll likely proceed to Concord, for, infamously, a protracted setpiece battle that sees you grabbing power armor and a minigun and fighting a deathclaw--power armor being among the very few attributes to get special animations for things like climbing inside it, deathclaws being one of the rare enemies with special grab- and kill-animations, you get the idea. The three locations you're pushed towards afterwards are:

1.) Abernathy Farm, where you'll meet some of the only named settlers, who have a specific quest with a bit more narrative (if not functional) meat than "we're being bothered by enemies please go kill them", which sends you to a fairly distinctive base where you fight one of the few Raider bosses to have a distinctive weapon/gimmick or any distinguishing feature besides being named

2.) The first Minuteman mission, which is guaranteed to always give you the objective of clearing Corvega, the largest, most elaborate, densely-populated base in the game that isn't a faction headquarters.

3.) Diamond City, the by-far larger of the game's, like, two towns. Namely, you get an elaborate scripted sequence with a conversation running between numerous NPCs, the most prominent of which is also making (badly) hand-crafted gesticulations.

The trend continues-- picture the quality of this game as a big wedge shape. Very early on there's effort put into making almost everything you see in every direction look and give the impression of being highly-produced, deep, well-written and well-scripted content with unique assets and voice actors galore. The deeper you go into the main quest, the more that bridge of high-effort content over the ocean of generic radiant quests narrows until, right after the Prydwen docks and/or you go around your tour of the Institute, where even the tightrope you were walking on vanishes and even the main quest consists of fetch quests and area-clearing missions in recycled areas.

It goes beyond prioritizing time and budget and into a very clear ploy to make sure anyone's first impression of the game (from game journalist on a tight schedule to player who's gonna leave reviews and spread word of mouth) is as good as it possibly can be, and that took priority over everything else including the actual overall quality of the game

[solar-siren]

🌈🎀🎈💞🤲

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I can write dialogue easily and all kinds of emotional scenes... but if I have to make a character move across a room it takes a stupid amount of time for me to figure out how to include that lmao. Usually little things like that are much harder than the average reader would expect. Fight scenes in particular are really difficult for me.

The fic that's been giving me the hardest time here lately is Restore. I think I've rewritten that next chapter five or six times at this point because I couldn't figure out exactly where to start/what to include. (Although lots of people know that because they've heard me complaining about it for years, rip). I've made good progress lately though!

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I think I'm usually pretty good at capturing the voices of the characters I write about. It's always satisfying when you write a line and you know it's something they would say. I'm also good at drawing people into my stories on an emotional level because I get so many comments telling me I've made people cry.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Uhh I always struggle with this question lol. I think I focus on emotion a lot in my stories. Not just what characters do, but their thought processes and why they make the choices they do. I try not to be too flowery with my language, although I'm probably guilty of that at times. I'd say my style is pretty fixed. My tone can change a lot though. I'll write anything from horrible angst to crack fic.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

The characters, 100%. I won't pursue a plot idea unless I can figure out why characters would make the choices that lead to it. I'm the same way when reading. If I don't like the characters and I can't understand their motivations, I'm out.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

Currently (and for a long time now) I think about Tron way too much lol. It's such a cool universe to play with, the characters are so complex, and there's just a lot of ground that D!sney hasn't covered. I have new fic ideas far faster than I can write them, so any time I can actually get a finished fic down 'on paper,' that's a win. It's satisfying to get my ideas out and explore pieces of a franchise that the company who owns it hasn't. I also have a lot of friends here! So I love creating things that I think they might like to read. It makes me happy.

[mikaharuka]

My Return to Apricity

I have yet to answer Salty's lingering ask about my origin story (which I will do someday!), but I've summarized parts of it here and there.

I'll probably share pieces of this story in long posts like this, then link all of them in my pinned post and in Salty's ask, for simplicity.

-

Today's post relates to how I returned, after abandoning Apricity 1.0.

The tl;dr (so far) is that I had a world concept, looked for a fandom and ship, settled on my current Twilight-LnD/Bellisle set-up, and wrote the first 11 chapters of Apricity 1.0, from May-December 2021.

Then, I hit a massive roadblock and forgot its existence from January to July 2022, until a random accident happened and I remembered.

I felt nostalgic but was done with Apricity and writing altogether... until I woke up one day in late July with a scene in mind. That scene, in turn, spawned a massive, multi-level epiphany, sparking a whole new life into not just Apricity, but also my interest in creative writing.

-

The scene I woke up with? Well... it's the last part of Sangria Totality.

I had no idea what happened before or after this scene - only the 150 words I immediately wrote down without thinking... but those 150 words told me everything. Characters, demeanors, worldbuilding, the tone, and even the stakes at hand. As for the epiphanies:

Mike's general presence: He was a minor character - nicer, but just as minor and sidelined as he was in canon... and I realized that not only was he a major character, but a co-MC alongside Beau at that. I mentioned Azure (ch 11) being the last chapter I wrote, right? Well, Sapphire (ch 12) is the first chapter from Mike's POV. I feel like my mind just knew that something was off and literally blocked me from proceeding at all, until I figured out what it was. .

Carlisle's sharper presence: He was still way too soft (though still sharper than he was in canon) and not threatening enough as a vampire. It also gave me a lot of insight into the missing pieces of the central relationship between him and Beau. The Mandala and dreams were surface-level at best, until this realization. I have a 2-year-old excerpt from the original T-rated Scarlet Fervor that perfectly illustrates this... but I'm holding off on sharing until the new M-rated Scarlet Glamour goes live. (If my plans don't change, this is after Indigo Revelation, the next chapter on my plate once Mahabhuta's Prithvi is done) .

Major aspects of the magic system and the so-called "Currents" (the soft-fate system, as I termed it in the Ch 10 A/N) .

All the downstream domino-effects and consequences of those three major changes. But of course, Mike and Carlisle are main characters, and the magic system is central to everything. This required a total rewrite, tracing all the way back to the first chapter, which I finished and posted on August 3rd, 2022.

This is the raw scene with no edits:

Eerie, expectant silence sat between them, as Mike scrutinized every detail before his eyes. Blond strands so sharp - they reflected the moonlight. Sangria-tinged irises so dark - they mirrored the void. A deliberate stance so calm - the man appeared ready to lunge at the slightest provocation. A shaky stillness so quiet - Mike wondered when the unstable moment would break. … This certainly wasn’t in the cards for tonight. Then and again, none of what happened to Mike ever was. … His ability to predict anything ceased that morning a month ago, when he made the choice to take a rare, quiet moment for himself and go at his own pace. His ability to analyze, sort, and draw conclusions from whatever info was presented in front of him, though… well. There was no mistaking this person. “I believe this is the first time we’ve met, Doctor Carlisle Cullen?”

Do y'all have any idea how shocked I was when I woke up and saw Mike, of all people, present in that scene? Or that Carlisle was posing an active threat towards him? Both of those things blew my mind... yet it felt like something I knew all along perfectly slid into place, bringing this near-dead thing roaring back to life.

This is the equivalent version in today's Sangria Totality (Chapter 13):

This was beyond ridiculous. Getting slapped repeatedly with increasing levels of mindfuckery after barely reconciling whatever previous mindfuckery the world had deemed fit to deal him with was most certainly not his idea of a good time. Mike had only wanted one thing. Mike had only asked for one thing.  Time.  Time to learn everything. Time to work through everything.  Time to accept everything in its totality. Unfortunately, he didn’t have that time right then. ... A fragile silence hung over the forest as he took everything in. Jade, shamrock, emerald, and azure. Turquoise, cobalt, indigo, and sapphire. Sharp, blond strands that reflected the moonlight. Dark, sangria-tinged irises that mirrored the void. Calm, stately stance readily commanding attention from the world. Baleful, glacial posture primed to lunge at the slightest provocation. … He knew it. The universe really was fucking with him. After all, there was no way Mike could mistake this person. “I believe this is the first time we’ve met, Doctor Carlisle Cullen.”

Looking back on my old draft... it's honestly amazing to see just how wrong all of it feels. But I'm still grateful - it was my first draft and gave me the barebones that I jumped from and ran along with.