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#i'm not even scared of what's going to happen anymore
loveandleases · 2 days
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(Kinda NSFW)
I'm sleep deprived, so if you find any English mistakes, I'm sorry.
How would the ROs react if after a slow burn romance with an MC recovering from trust and self-esteem issues that they acquired after Chris, both of them finally reach the boiling point where they can't hold it anymore and reveal their love for each other along with a night of passion and in the end, already exhausted, the RO looks at the MC, noticing that even though their eyes demand that MC close their eyes to finally sleep, the MC refuses, and when the RO ask why they answer "I'm scared... I don't want to wake up tomorrow and end up finding out that this is all a dream."
Sure thing nonie , the rest are under the cut!
❤️ Cam - "How about we make a deal? I'm going to pinch myself, and if we're both still here after then you have to go to sleep. Alright?" Cam pinches his cheeks with more force than necessary. "I'm still here, so go to sleep. I'll be right beside you when you wake up. Promise." He'll leave you no choice, either those eyes close or he's going to be reminiscing about some dumb things the two of you did when you were young. When you are finally asleep, Cam will just watch you. Because no matter how much he hate's to admit it, you spread a little seed of doubt. What if this is a dream? What if the thing he has longed to happen for so long vanishes when he wakes up?
💙 G - They want to say something logical, but logic tends to go out the window when the two of you are together. They allow their fingertips to rub along the lines of your face until they reach your eyes, using the soft pressure of the pads of their fingers to guide your eyelids down. "If it's just a dream, mind you the best dream of my life. Promise me, that if I'm not here when you wake up you'll find me. So that this can become real. I'd find you a hundred times over. Just to be with you again."
💚 Kara - She pulls you closer, allowing her head to rest on your chest as she studies you. "You'd dream of me?" she asks, with every intention of tiring you out. Talking until you have to no choice but to drift off. Reassuring you that she's here, and when she decides to be with someone, she means it. She will be there with her gold hair tangles in knots and old makeup clinging to her face. She'll be there to wake you, to remind you that tonight like the night before she'll spend it with you. Until you're no longer scared that it's a dream.
💛 M - "Would you rather stay up and let me tell you how I would make it a reality if it were?" M leaves a feather light kiss on your cheek. Burying their face into the crook of your shoulder. "I'd like to think I could write a character as amazing you, even with all the things that has happened that got you here. But I couldn't do you justice, not even in a dream." M would cradle you close, allow you to feel their heartbeat. Something real and tangible. There's no dream that could sum up the feelings between you, the way your very face lights up their own.
💜 Isaac - "It's ironic, you're worried this is a dream, and I'm worried it's real." Isaac shares the pain of losing someone, of losing a relationship held so dear that it could break you if you let it. They don't say it to worry you, they say it because they want to be honest for once. To let you see how messed up and scared you make them. "You scare me. This," they motion to the both of you, "scares the hell out of me. Because I didn't think I could feel for someone again. I don't want to lose you, to lose us. So if it's a dream, let me dream it." "And if it's real?"
"If it's real, promise to love me through the dumb things I'm going to do until I realize you actually want to be with me."
🖤 Ardent - He places a hand on your hip pulling you tight so that your bodies can slight together, your shared warmth radiating throughout your bodies. An all too familiar crooked grin falls on his lips, "You mean to tell me, out of everyone, you dreamt me up" Ardent laughs, rubbing your back with his palm to ensure he means no harm.
He stares at you, those eyes looking for reassurance, and his smile fades into something more sincere. "If this were a dream, I'd be the luckiest man." He kisses your forehead, allowing his deep voice to soothe you.
His nose nudges your own, as those dark brown eyes latch onto yours. "You know a dream could never be this real," he allows his fingers to trail along your bare arm causing goosebumps. "A dream could never capture my affection for you. How much I want to hold you like this, it would never allow me to make love to you like we did. Go to sleep, and I promise when you wake up I'll prove to you all over again this is real."
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favslarue · 13 hours
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Pro-hero Katsuki Bakugo NSFW inspired by THE DINNER - Billie Eilish
Warnings: Rough sex, stalking, dirty talk, humiliation, cumming in mouth.
English is not my first language, 100% accept advices and correction in the grammar and vocabulary, but please be nice. 🥹
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩ ✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩ ✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩ ✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆
You never thought that you would ever commit a crime worst than stealing to eat or getting into fights with other delinquents.
But then he arrested you after you had beaten the shit out of some rich kid who like to go to your neighborhood and pretend they’re dangerous gang members.
When in fact, they’re just being used by the actual dealers, who know there won’t be big consequences for those kids, their parents will just pay the authorities and they will be free to sell those drugs to their rich friends again.
You knew that, you knew that the criminals you know wouldn’t let those people mess with your family, you knew that they weren’t shit
But for some reason, the moment your little brother came home crying saying they offered him drugs.
That one of them tried to persuade him to sell that shit too, saying that “your thot sister won’t have to sell her body to put food on the table anymore”.
That wasn’t truth, but still, your brother believed him for a moment. That fucking moment tou saw red, you couldn’t control your anger.
The moment you jumped that teenager you weren’t thinking straight, you didn’t consider that your brother had nobody else than you.
And that gang of little pussies didn’t dared to do something to you, so they called the cops.
They called the fucking cops, but the pro hero Dynamight came with them. Your neighborhood had a fame, so they thought it was something way worse.
Next thing you know, you are in the prison cell, after hearing all type of shit from that asshole dad, it really didn’t matter if he was the gang member in the picture, you dared to touch that daddy’s boy.
After at least 2 or 3 hours sat there, still feeling the blood pounding in your chest, you hands and knees sore and bleeding. A female guard opened that cell.
- Y/N? got lucky someone paid you bail - The guard said, she clearly wasn’t happy.
- Me? Are you sure - You said confused, you didn’t had a lot of people who cared for you, and those who did, almost didn’t had money to eat.
- Yeah! Dynamight did, even defended you when that kid’s dad were trying to take you on court - She wasn’t telling you that to be nice, she wanted to know what kind of relationship you had with the pro hero.
- The dad almost exploded when the number 1 hero yelled at his child for being a gang member! - She continued, trying to get something out of you. - He threatened to investigate the teenager and his friends. Do you know him?
- No! Never seen him in my life. - Why would he do that? You asked yourself.
Don't be afraid of me, I'm what you need
I saw you on the screens, I know we're meant to be
You're starrin' in my dreams, In magazines
After that, you stole a cellphone, it was easy considering your invisibility quirk, and connected to a neighbor wifi. You needed to know more about that hero. Just out of curiosity.
You followed all the online forums about Dynamight.
When somebody opened a Live video of him saving someone you ran to the place were it was happening, just to see him arresting the criminals and giving interviews
You're lookin' right at me
I'm here around the clock
I'm waitin' on your block
And after that, you followed him home, every. single. time.
Sometimes you even dared to enter his house. The first time, you managed to get in as soon as he opened the door.
After sneaking in, you couldn’t find a way out, so you just spent the night there, watching him, learning his routine. You even discovered his real name, Katsuki Bakugo. You watched him sleep that night.
He clearly was agitated, sometimes he woke up scared and turned the lights on, walked two or three times around the house, to make sure he was alone, checked if the doors and windows were locked.
He was smart to notice something was wrong, but didn’t figure you were the one disturbing his sleep, or so you thought.
You left at morning, when he opened the windows to let the sunlight in the room.
Some weeks later you had already figured every single way in and out, but he was being more careful, he even adopted a guard dog.
It was a huge one, you even considered stopping your visits, but you realized quickly that it was a gentle dog. It got used to your presence very quickly.
Trying to conciliate your obsession and raising your brother was hard, so sometimes you stole from his fridge. You knew he wouldn’t mind.
I waited on the corner 'til I saw the sitter leave
Was easy getting over and I landed on my feet
I came in through the kitchen lookin' for something to eat
I left a calling card so they would know that it was me
You were tired of only watching him, you wanted more. You wanted him.
So when you figured he needed a secretary, you took the chance.
Lying in your curriculum, you knew everything that he needed. And honestly, you needed the job.
You even eliminated the other candidates, you didn’t kill them, obviously. Just scared the shit out of them, some even left the estate.
While I'm away, don't read my mail
Just bring a veil
And come visit me in jail
You got the job, of course. And after all that, you can’t back down. You will get what you want. You will have him.
You were in his office, with other employee who were showing you the company.
- This is Y/N sir. She is your new secretary, I sent you a copy of her resume and…
- You can go now, I want to know her better. - He interrupted her.
She looked at you almost saying “good luck” and left.
- I know you, don’t I? Could you remind me where did we met? - He said, his words seemed truthful, but not his eyes… They were daring you to lie.
- You saved me once, but I don’t think you remember that. - It wasn’t exactly a lie.
- Saved you from what? - Fuck. He remembers.
You decided to gaslight him, you wouldn’t destroy what you fought so hard for. You have to make something up.
- Last year bank robbery, I was one of the people that were held hostage. - You thankfully know every single one of his operations by head.
He chuckled, looking at you in disbelief.
- You’re a good liar, but my memory is way better. - You tilted your head, trying look confused. - If the police station were the only time we crossed paths, maybe I wouldn’t remember, but the last months you have been quite present, don’t you?
But please don't call the cops
They'll make me stop
And I just wanna talk
- I don’t know what you’re talking about
He let out a loud laugh, it was dark and scary.
He got up from the chair and circled his tabled. Getting dangerously close to you. You didn’t move a muscle.
He was taller and significantly bigger than you. It was intimidating, but you and your sick mind were thinking about getting pinned under him, held down by those enormous biceps
- It isn’t a coincidence that you always are where I am at, working. I noticed you watching me saving people, every single time. And you always left after me. - He said in a low tone, if he wasn’t so close you wouldn’t hear him.
I'll go back to the diner
I'll write another letter
I hope you'll read it this time, you better
You don’t know that yet, but Bakugo were just as deranged as you are.
When he paid your bail, it was out of heart, but instead of moving on with his life he researched about you, the schools you went, your family, all of your crimes. Things that not even the police knew.
After that, he spotted you on a crowd of people that were watching him arrest a random criminal, more than one time.
Noticed that you didn’t leave even after everyone did, and that you were trying your best to not catch his attention.
You were waiting for something, you were waiting for him.
And after the third time, he noticed you using your quirk, that’s when everything made fucking sense.
All the nights felling watched, the sensation of being followed,
The feminine perfume that just didn’t left his house, his room, his dog, his uniform.
It was you, this whole fucking time.
Bet I could change your life
You could be my wife
He would pretend to be asleep just to hear your steps around his house.
Just to hear you petting his dog and whispering some kind words to it.
Just to feel you coming closer to his sleeping face and stare.
Could get into a fight, I'll say you're right
And you'll kiss me goodnight
- Mr. Dynamight, I just want the job. You’re confusing me with someone else.
In a quick movement he grabbed your wrists and put them behind your back, bended you over his table, and positioned himself behind you.
You tried to set yourself free, but it was completely useless, you could swear that he would arrest you right there and then.
- You’re fucking insane - He said in your ear.
The cops around the corner stopped me when I tried to leave
They told me I was crazy and they knocked me off my feet
You closed your eyes, accepting your faith. To be honest you didn’t regret a thing, at least he sees you now.
Also, his feelings for you are intense, even if they are anger and hatred, that is enough for you.
But a fucking kiss on your neck and he leaning over you was the last thing you expected.
Your body stiffened, you held your breath.
- What are you doing? - You whispered, shaking.
That’s when you felt his hard dick on your back. What the fuck? Was he excited from all of this? Was he fucking crazy?
They came in through the kitchen lookin' for something discrete
I left a calling card so they would know that it was me
- You’re not the only one who has an obsession.
He didn’t loosen his grip in your wrists, and continued kissing and biting your neck and sometimes the back of your neck, the kisses were wet and aggressive.
- And I am insane? - You weren’t trying to be ironic, you were just astonished.
He didn’t saw it that way, what lead you to receive a hard slap in your ass, and a hair pull right after.
- You don’t get to judge me, bitch. - He said in your ear while holding your hair tightly.
- I wasn’t…- Another slap, you took that as a command to shut up.
He lifted the skirt of your office dress and grabbed the cheek of your ass, that were red from the previous mistreatment.
He slid a finger into your panties and felt your wetness, holding your clit between his fingers while you breathed heavily under him, trying your best to not make noises.
Suddenly, your thong is on your mouth and he’s kneeling to face your wet cunt, he blowed cold air against it, which made you tremble. He held your thighs with enough strength to bruise.
You bended even more, and he licked your folds, sucked your clit, his tongue swirling around your wetness, creating a knot in your low belly.
His mouth is hot and ravishing, almost like he liked the taste.
- Mhm… Dynamight… - You moaned, not being able to complete your sentence.
And with that, you came quickly. The tension and need was too much to handle. Your trembling legs gave in, almost falling, if it weren’t his grip on your thighs.
You couldn’t process your orgasm and he was standing again, his tip teasing you folds, sliding from your entrance to your clit, and going back to your entrance.
You throw your hips back, trying to cause some friction. But you were held in place, and received a hard smack in your ass, and you could swear he used his quirk because of the unusual burn and the loud noise it made
- You’re a big girl, use your words.
- Can you… mhm. Fuck me? Why are you taking so long?
He chuckled, mockingly - I see you’re not so stupid, what a surprise.
Shoving only the tip, he started stretching you out, you’re not a virgin, but there’s way too long since you were fucked, and you didn’t saw his dick, so you weren’t aware of what expected you.
Only the tip already hurt, if it weren’t for how wet you are it probably wouldn’t fit.
It was clear that Katsuki was holding back, each centimeter entering you was driving you closer to madness. Your pussy is sucking him even more.
Bakugo decided to stop torturing you and shoved it entirely into you. It made you scream and the piece of fabric felt from your mouth.
He started pounding into you, not letting you adjust to his entire length, which is huge.
- Put it back in your mouth, if people hear me fucking my secretary it will be worse for your reputation than mine.
You obeyed, not because you cared about what people thought, that was the reason you were there anyway. His voice ordering you around made it impossible to not comply.
The table cracking, the friction of your nipples against it. Your pussy burning and throbbing as he fucked you from behind, his grunts and his hand on your hips and ass. Your ass sore from the smacks.
All of that helped another orgasm to grow. One of your hands reached for him, he held your wrist and pulled your other arm, to hold them both as he gripped your hair with his other big hand.
You came with that, held your breath and felt dizzy, almost like you were going to pass out. Your pussy had it’s own heartbeat at this point.
He didn’t slowed his pace, in fact it became more frenetic as you did your best to not keep the oxygen from going to your brain
Suddenly, he pulled out. Turned you around and pushed you into your knees.
- Gonna cum in your mouth, doll.
He stroked sometimes as he stared down at you, face with his usual frown, but his lips were parted and eyes darker.
You opened your mouth in anticipation, he grabbed your face, to keep it like that (but also to caress your cheek while doing it)
As he shoot his loads of seed down your throat some spilled in the conner of your lips, his thumb cleaned your lips and shoved into your tongue.
- Swallow it. - You complied - Good whore.
He stared at you on the floor a bit, you looked away, and that made him smile
He lowered to your level, gripping your chin, forcing you to look at him.
Caught you off guard when his lips touched yours, his tongue invaded your mouth, in a dominant yet gentle way. Your whole body shivered.
He broke the kiss and looked at you, without saying a word, he stood up.
- Get up - He circled his desk, without letting you see it, he took your underwear that it was above it, and hided it in his pocket.
You got up, fixing your dress and trying to put your hair in place, looking for your underwear, but you were too embarrassed to stay there longer, so you just decided to left without your panties.
Turning around to leave, not wanting to face the consequences, or him.
- Did I say you could leave? - You just stopped there, still not facing him
You feel him stepping closer, until he is behind you.
He put your hair to the side, exposing your neck and smelling you there. You got goosebumps all over your body.
I memorized your number, now I call you when I please
I tried to end it all, but now I'm back up on my feet
- When your shift ends, come to my house. You don’t need the address, right? - And kissed your neck. - You may leave now.
I saw you in the car with someone else and couldn't sleep
If somethin' happens to him, you can bet that it was me
–3956
310-807-3956
310-807-3956
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solar-sunnyside-up · 2 days
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Hey, I’m sorry to dump this on ya but your blog gives me a lotta hope and I just wondered if you had anything to say to my current ails- I am but a very anxious teen and I am so scared. I see so many people talking of how the world “Will end in 2040” or how “damn the past was so much better because it was simpler” and I am lowkey starting to believe that. I’ve got a problem with romanticizing a past I wasn’t even a part of and I really don’t want to live in some awful dystopian future and I fear I’ve missed out on so much because of when I was born :( and how come no one can afford basic shit anymore? I don’t wanna have no money at all! I really would like to be happy in the future but with all the bullshit caused by social media and the lack of money it seems bleak. I’m sorry that this is such a negative ask but I am not doing so hot and was hoping you’d have an insight ? Don’t respond if you don’t wanna
Hey ya there sprout 🌱 it can be really tough out there!
Your feelings are valid, so valid in fact that those exact feelings are why Solarpunk as it currently exists is around! We've all been there!
Between the wages of the top 10% of ppl vs everyone else being greater then during the French revolution, the average citizen globally being worse off then when the great depression was happening, climate crisis after crisis, all while consuming endless bits of info both horrifying (ex Politics) and hopeful (ex Social Media activism) it's waaaay too much for anyone to bare alone! Much less constantly! That burden shouldn't be on any of us!! But since it is, I'm here to help at least lighten the load even if temporary.
The best thing to do when we feel like this is to stop. Find 5 minutes to be still. We are fight/flight/fawn creatures and we will only loop in our solutions without actual clear choices if we don't Chill Out. We're mammals our natural state is Chilling Out and Play.
Next, think about how cool the planet is and particularly how cool humans are?
How there's finger flutes on ceilings thousands of years old, smaller then average indicating that parents held their children up to draw on the ceilings.
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Think about the invention of looms and spinning fibers! What other creature could do that? Think about the kids that could build Snowmans without aching fingers because of lovingly knit mittens.
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We sing like whales do, like birds do, like wolves do, and we do it to share stories and ideas over food! It is the first things babies mimic! We have songs so old we no longer know their origin just that they came from love! We even have songs to herd cattle meaning music transcends just us but bleeds into our relationships with the planet!
That we have play behavior! Just like wolves and foxes and whales and octopus it is so built into our DNA to play its generally how we learn things! This ranges from agriculture (children tossing seeds around, blowing on dandelions!) To chores (parachute games > folding laundry, playing pretend > usually chores/job based) to hunting (tag! Hide and seek!)
Think about our interconnectiveness with the planet too, how we are guided by Honey guides to find abandoned hives to share in the spoils of bread and honey. How Sweetgrass needs us to flourish, how berries and nuts need us to spread across the land, how we fix other animals broken bones and beaks and help them return home when otherwise they wouldn't ever get home.
Now that you can remember we deserve to be here, that you deserve to be here. We can look at the current situation and bare it.
And we do that by doing small things. Jam out and listen to music while picking up litter on your block, go to a library and just hang out or research something you love, make seed Bombs and toss them I to abandoned lots, make silly cartoons. Whatever it is, it will be enough.
The weight of the world isn't ment for the individual no matter how much Capitalism and Elites will try and guilt you over their failures. That weight is ment for collective groups, but your job as a Person is to be happy where you can and to be kind so others can be happy. The last thing that I always keep in my heart is a quote from my fave author Ursula Le Guin:
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Hang in there, a brighter tomorrow is gunna happen. I promise 🌻
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As requested by the wonderful
@chineseshoestore I hope it's everything you've wanted and more.
It's a rare night when Dean strikes out. its even rarer that he wouldn't try again, with a different girl.
Maybe fate wanted this to happen.
Who is he kidding, it's just plain old bad luck.
It's the early, early morning and dean is just outside the motel. The lights are on inside, so he's not worried about making too much noise.
Clearly that didn't matter. When he steps inside it's like he walked into another world, one where everything is wrong
Because dad is on top of Sam one of the beds. Actually it takes him a few seconds to really realize what's happening. Dad is fucking sammy, baby brother.
It takes him another couple of seconds to unstick from his place in the doorstep, seconds where they don't notice him.
Dads making these little grunting noises, ones that he's heard before, thought it was nightmares or pain. Sam's making noises too, little squeals and whimpers, high and sobbing.
He's heard that before in the night too.
At least three years ago, when Sam was younger, young. How long has this been going on under his nose?
Too fucking long.
There's a gun on his waistband and smoothly, surely, he grabs it.
Everything stops when he gets it into his hand.
Somehow, somebody noticed him.
Shaky, gun held up in front of him, he steps forward into the room. The stench of sex invades his nostrils.
At first his voice just cracks, but then Dean gets a full sentence out. "Don't you fucking touch him anymore dad, get AWAY FROM SAMMY" yelling at the end.
Dad seems scared, gets off of Sam, pulls out with a gentle grunt, dick slick with lube and soft. He's not even fully undressed, still got socks on.
That doesn't matter. The only thing that matters right now is sam.
"hey sammy, he's not gonna hurt you anymore just- just get off the bed, please Sammy"
Sammy doesn't say anything. Not protesting that his name is sam. Not saying anything. Sammy's chin is quivering.
Then dad starts to talk. "Dean! Dean, he wanted it I swear to you I promise, I promise he wanted it, I would have stoped if he wanted to."
It's a wonder that dean doesn't shoot him there.
Instead, he circles over to the bed, keeping his gun of dad the entire time. Sam's still on the bed, not moving, but there's something in his eyes.
Dad just stares.
"hey, hey Sammy, just get off the bed and put some clothes on, just wait in the car for me, okay, 'comon sammy" Sam is still almost still, but starting to sit up.
Sam just sits up, doesn't pull the blankets over him, doesn't cover up.
"dean. I know you want to"
Dad's still just there, fully clothed now but still standing, not pleading for forgiveness. Why does this even matter, Sam knows.
does he?
"what?"
"I know you want to. I've seen how you act when i'm just 'outta the shower"
"you can do it, I wont mind"
He gives a little giggle, some noise that he's never really made before. "you- you 'cant mean that, comon Sammy, you cant mean that"
It feels like he's quivering, muscles barely holding him up.
Even as they've been talking, Sam's been shuffling closer to him on the bed, Dean's hands on his belt buckle.
Glances over to dad, unconscious need to check with him, make sure it's okay. Dad looks like he's okay with it, like he's not mad at all.
Backs at Sam, looking for all the world like he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. He hears the gentle metal clink of his belt buckle before he realizes that it's being opened.
By sam.
Sam whose mouth his hot and near, mouthing through his boxers. Making eye contact with dad the entire time, making sure that this is okay.
It feels like pleasure is coursing through his veins, like all those girls in bars and bathrooms have been nothing.
Dad's hands are in his pants.
Fuck.
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ladylovesalatte · 1 year
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the thing is, if the jjk fandom really wanted me to panic over current events y'all'd stop making Sukuna!Fushiguro look so darn cool in every single piece of fanart ever
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rapidhighway · 1 month
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dad just sent me an ominous text to intimidate me ig
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littlehaize · 4 months
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can't believe i'm actually writing a long fic
haven't done that in years
i have no plan, i barely have ideas and clichés
i go with the vibe and feeling
dbh fandom, be scared, i'm arriving
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yamsgarden · 2 months
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Just some more Still Wakes the Deep blah blah, but omg having just been diagnosed Diabetes type 1 myself recently, it makes me only love and feel for Roy 10X more...
This shit is litteraly poison, but so does the food we eat with how much sugar there is in ugh OTL
Never thought in a million year I had DT1, I had 0 symptoms and am in pretty good shape, but then suddenly, organs are starting to hurt really badly out of nowhere...
Don't wait too long poeple and check with your doctors even if there's ''nothing'' T0T and to all Diabetic ppl out there, keep on fighting 💪✨
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crazysodomite · 1 month
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Social media is kinda twisted and it's scary to realize how it warps everything around it
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#the rational part of me knows that everything will be okay but it's getting there thats always the hardest. so many big changes have been#happening recently and. fuck. i dont like what my life is becoming. i try my best to keep it together but god it's hard sometimes#i feel so. stupid. am i even worth anything? I'm just tired. i havent been doing anything to deserve to be tired but i am#i wish i could be better. i wont get into the details and i know this sounds like I'm losing my shit but god theres just so much happening#and I'm being crushed by this pressure and the scariest part is that maybe theres nothing even to be scared about. maybe this is just me#being fucked up and a scared little kid that was never quite good enough just like always. i was gonna get back to playing my game but ive#just been here for the past hour staring into space and crying. i tried to read a book but even that made me cry too-#what a fucking life huh? i dont know anything anymore. everything i know is changing and idk how to deal with it all#ive never felt so.. worthless. i just want a break. this is mostly just about academic pressure since thats what really set me off tonight#but everything else too.. god i'm so.. fucked. i put on this brave face because I'm in a position where ive been so isolated for so long#that i dont even have people to talk to about my problems anymore. when did it get to the point where i have all these friends in name but#thats all? when did i get so far from everuthing#when did it all fall apart? when did i become this stupid?#and ofc all this fucking jazz leads to the eventual 'my f/o wouldnt love a girl like me theyd go find someone else + leave' bullshit. sigh.#I'm fucking tired man. no one has to comfort me or message me or anything. I'll be fine and honestly I'm glad i was just able to get it out#(even if i can't share details obviously) I'm just.. at a point in my life where I'm confused. adulthood is hard man..#anyways i think I'll get my shit together and play more y.akuza now! the crying has sorta stopped lmaoo i think I'm on chapter 12 of 0 now?#very fun! I'm having fun.#negative#vent#ash rambles 💚#technically-#ahem. yeah. getting it all out felt good. maybe this hellsite is worth smth after all LMAAAOOO
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taegularities · 1 year
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being here has never felt this suffocating.. it feels impossible sometimes to continue
#i wish you'd talked to me about it instead of making a post with screenshots#because that was nothing i did intentionally... i didn't wake up thinking 'i will be racists today' it was a mistake i'm not proud of#i meant my apology and i said i understand when people are offended and that i'm sorry#i know it was wrong and i'm ready to learn from it to not hurt people anymore and idk why it warrants calling me a full racist#and i don't know how you saw that ask bc it was days (or yesterday? idk anymore) ago and you blocked me weeks (months?) ago#you'd have to actively seek that ask out or look through my posts if im blocked for you#and if it wasn't you but someone else who pointed it out for you idk how you guys got to the point of scanning my blog#if i ever hurt anyone im ALWAYS open to talking about it. i remember once using a word wrong and someone pointed it out on anon#and I've never used that word ever since#i would've immediately apologised and deleted that bit too if you'd texted me just one sentence a la 'hey that's so not okay'#and you did the same thing when i went alway last time... never communicating but going against me while so many others reached out to me#if i didn't see anything wrong about this thing now i wouldn't have made that post. im not scared of disagreeing with ppl#and i don't know what you want me to do? i didn't even know M when their thing happened and still felt bad for them.. me or those who are#defending me didn't go against M... how would you think it's the same people? idk man#idk.. i can apologise a 100 times and it won't be okay. and if i don't say anything im dodging the topic it'll never be enough no matter#what i do#reach out to me jords tell me what i can do bc i did NOT mean to ever hurt anyone and im so freaking sorry that i did#<— this msg especially to those who were directly hurt#idk what to do so you stop posting so many screenshots#if you want ppl to stop supporting me then...yeah idk guys stop supporting me — unfollow me it's absolutely okay bc i know that was#uneducated af of me#to all sweet ppl who reached out thank you i see your messages#i'll see all those that'll come too.. i just wont answer so no one drags y'all#thank you that's it#go ahead and screenshot this too. i can't do anything else anymore#also.. the only parts i edited in my apology were 'i didn't mention japanese' and 'i dont feel superior' which i did after waking up cos#my post was made at 5am after randomly waking up during the night#edit: stop sending my friends asks saying i deserved this. i never told anyone to defend me.. they CHOSE it and they're allowed to#that's it... thank you guys and ily#ill brb. not too long just a bit
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vraska-theunseen · 1 year
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im genuinely so frustrated right now the way i always am about this one thing but i can't even sustain the misery right now because i've never been able to come up with any kind of answer no matter how many miserable drafts i write and hours i stay up thinking so it's just making me laugh how the posts im writing to keep in my drafts keep turning into my fucking. autobiography. "...i remember a stage kiss with a tall girl in theater camp (her name was ashley or jennifer or something she could do the splits)" that's literally so funny. jennifer or ashley do you remember playing spin the bottle at the arden theater camp in 6th grade it's apparently pretty core for me
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imwritesometimes · 2 years
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my allergies are so bad they negatively impact my mental health and I'm just very tired of everything
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thecherrygod · 2 years
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I basically just had a dream of being back in highschool and i was crying by the end. This is new to me. I haven't been in hs in 6 years
#my posts#my dreams#bc i will explain it but. I'm so tired#something in the dream happened like no respect for privacy and stuff in the kind of fucked up bathrooms your brain makes up while asleep#... at least my brain loves making up fucked up bathrooms in my sleep that's okay anyways#there was a lack of respect for privacy and it made me angry and I'm the dream i sorry if reacted how i wanted to in actual hs i guess#like very violent to the point that at first they were laughing but then were very scared#like i was screaming and pushing and grabbing and stuff and people realized it wasn't so funny anymore#also i realized that it didn't matter what kind of relationships i had there up to that point they were all ruined bc of that#i apparently got changed in class to another and they made me sit in the back with no one besides me and i was very some which is#ignoring the violence that was my hs experience sjrarjtkfyñ#by the end the people that used to be on my life i think were trying to get back in but i was sorta always walking looking at the floor#sliding everyone's face bc whenever i passed i heard whispers that i was sure were about me (normal hs experience)#avoiding not sliding dgmzmy anyways yeah#at some point someone finally breaks through me and shows me something that idk how to describe. like meat and a bonsai? idk#sorta like they make me so anger look at it and they were warn and kind and i fully broke down crying and hugged them fnwmhmwk#it wasnt a random person but this dream is sorta personal even tho im writing it here but this is my blog i tend to post this stuff#but i mean i don't want to write his name i don't want it to appear in the main tags on accident#just know that i dreamt with him once before. also hugged him and cried KDNGRMHM#i wasnt going to make that comment thats why i used they pronouns before but nah its a he#also someone else like related to him was there and i think in a way he was trying to help but it was more him finding a business#opportunity and selling his own stuff at maybe an inappropriate time which i think he just does that sometimes gkwgkkf#anyways yeah i am very tired and i should go back to sleep#also i woke up with tears sorta formed in my eyes fkdkgkdg so i sort of still want to cry like in the dream i guess#its not even that early its 9but i don't have anything to do today so back to sleep
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DUDE WAIT even on twitter and instagram people aren't really interacting with me anymore. Oh god this actually is happening huh. I'm going to be mass abandoned by literally everyone
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aftermathing · 1 month
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#Someone help me I can't inject my T physically I cannot break the skin why help#I keep searching how to help but it just makes me more panicked bc#Lots of recommended searches are like 'i missed a day and a half of testosterone and im freaking out!!!' :( I've missed months help#I didn't know it was that dire everyone says when they miss a day they KNOW maybe no t is why I've been useless for months#Help I can't do it#I just randomly got my period last night and my voice is so miraculously girly and high today genuinely#I feel like I'm turning into a werefemale I feel like I deserve this and it's meant to happen because it's happening#Because my parents every day keep telling me to stop taking hrt and also all medicines.#My sibling bragging about their fucking happy trail as if they haven't been illegally using my testosterone gel for more than three weeks#I am choking so so bad trying not to cry because it's going to sound so feminine and I can't do it anymore#I sat there from 2am to 7am just trying to inject myself. what is wrong with me.#I am so. fucking stupid. Why#I'm literally not scared of the pain I'm pressing so hard but it's like my needles are too dull no matter what#I even tried a tiny tiny insulin needle and it got in but breaking through to I think just the skin layer under the epidermis#Was incredibly painful like not supposed to be that painful#I'm just going to let this happen it's been a long since I've had a good panic attack sincerely#What is wrong with me. Genuinely how am i this stupid#I can never do anything on time I always finally get my ass in gear right when it's too late and I never get that opportunity again#I'm going to finally be able to stick the needle in by the time i turn into a girl again and my dick shrinks and my hair falls off#And then my parents will say they told me. and that will be my worthless fucking transition journey in a dumbfuck useless circle#My hair is so too long and it feels like spiders are in my ears every ten seconds and I have a spider visual hallucination also#which doesn't help#I am so genuinely fucking scared and angry at myself
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