#i'm not entirely sure if it's coherent enough honestly

[alevens]

hey so the order in which the strawhats disappeared was really fucked up right???

i mean, Kizaru was already targeting Zoro because he was more hurt than the rest, so they were already escaping from a fucking admiral and his men, and then Kuma was in front of them, the real Kuma appears out of nowhere, the moment we see him we forget momentarily about Kizaru- because there's this moment between Zoro and Kuma where they talk about what happened in Thriller Bark,

"Roronoa... so you were alive",

"all thanks to you benevolence"

and the next thing we know, is that Zoro's fucking gone

so onto what i wanted to yap about, the order in which they disappear:

everyone was worried about the current situation, but the top priority while they were escaping was Zoro- Zoro, who couldn't move- Zoro, who Kizaru wanted dead first- Zoro, who wanted to be left behind so the rest could escape, Zoro, who knows what the warlord in front of him is capable of-

Zoro, the first ever member of the crew.

everyone see this and it's worse than actually witnessing his death, because he's just gone and they have no idea where he is. and no matter how much they want to do something, Luffy orders them to keep running, that they will find a way to rescue Zoro once they're all safe,

but Kuma's too fast and he's right next to Usopp, Sanji and Brook, he tries to buy some time for Sanji and Usopp,

but it's in vain

and then Brook's next, he's the second one to get taken away, the last member to have joined them

(and not only the fact that he's their newest member, but the fact that it's made a point he's been trying his hardest to fit in and be helpful I'm SICK)

Sanji could have been next, but in trying to protect Usopp what he ends up accomplishing is that their sniper gets taken away next, the fact that Usopp's third makes me go absolutely batshit crazy with the way they frame it too

he's so so scared, how could he not be?? and it's not the same fear he usually feels while on their adventure, it's pure desperation- there's no one to help him and he can't fight- he can't get away and-

and then he's gone

Sanji instead of running, he charges, angry at Kuma and at himself (oh the way he was gripping his hair because he couldn't do anything to save Zoro and Brook) at this point it's obvious what the outcome will be, that's why Luffy specifically yells at him to run

but he doesn't, and then he's gone too.

(Usopp being third is fucked up mostly because Sanji's the fourth one, and they make it a point to show him trying to rescue Usopp. a less powerful member dissapears right in front of one of the most powerful of them, and then Sanji, who can hold his ground as much as Zoro and Luffy can, disappears)

in the blink of an eye, half of Luffy's crew isn't there

Luffy's full on crying at this point, everything's happening too fast, and why is Kuma even doing this in the first place? he has to do something before they take the rest of his crew- because he made it obvious that this isn't something the world government ordered him to do, so they're facing two enemies at once, a warlord and an admiral,

Luffy goes gear two, and when Kuma sees this, he goes to where Franky and Nami are- Luffy tries to strike an attack (and the fact that this could be where he sends him away but chooses not to Oh my fucking god) but Kuma easily stops him, and right there he touches Franky (he's the fifth one and it's too crazy just how he goes group for group, not only the order in which they disappear one by one) with Luffy right there, he's right there watching directly when it happens.

and then there's Nami. with them i think it the contrary of what happened with Usopp and Sanji, here, Nami's the one left alone, they take Franky first, who had tried to defend them both

oh this goddamn scene I SWEAR- it's incredibly painful to watch, at this point there are only four strawhats still standing, but there's no hope left, they can only keep trying but it's obvious that they're just acting on instinct, that's why Nami asks for help, because she knows there's nothing else to do- she tries to reach out for Luffy, her captain, the way Luffy had been so close to both Franky and Nami when Kuma touched them? horribly well done

Luffy's literally begging that Kuma leaves them alone but then he goes to where Chopper is, and Chopper- ughhhhh, the fact he used a form he couldn't even control just to try to save his friends, THE FACT that Kuma touches him when he's like that- the doctor of the strawhats, he's seventh one to disappear, and he couldn't even process it, Chopper didn't even know most of his crew was gone (if he hadn't been transformed, i'm sure he would have reached out too, just like Nami and Robin)

the last one is Robin, Robin being the last one killed me, the "demon child" that had found her places in the world, who wants to live, live with her crew, the ones that showed her she's worth fighting the entire world for- she calls for Luffy, and then- (Luffy running and shouting at Robin to get away, he's not fast enough and when he reaches Kuma he's already touched Robin FUCK-)

then Luffy's the only one there, Luffy being the last one is cruel having him watch his entire crew vanish in front of him was torture, and we're just left with him and his pain, Luffy has cried before, but not like this, not as he beats himself up for not being able to save his friends.

and it ends with this:

[yeoosaangg]

No Friendship || Kinktober - Day 27

pairing ▸ nakamoto yuta × f!reader

now playing ▸ okay - chase atlantic

⤷ ❝don't wanna mess this up, there's too much on the line.❞

genre ▸ college au, bsf!yuta, fwb, smut

warnings ▸ thigh fucking, choking, marking, quick sex

── ⋆ ⋆ ── 𔘓 ── ⋆ ⋆ ──

You were having fun at a random frat boy's birthday bash, dancing with some guy your roommate introduced to you.

You've had a couple drinks and smoked half a blunt, but had more than enough energy to last the entire night.

The guy gets a little handsy, but you don't mind since your goal was to hopefully get laid.

Your best friend wasn't having it, though.

Yuta: That's enough for you. Come with me.

The guy was going to tell Yuta off, but his icy glare makes him back off.

Y/n: Yuyu! Where've you been?

Your words are slightly slurred, but it's still coherent enough to understand.

Yuta: Was talking with Johnny about a job opportunity. What were you doing?

Y/n: Dancing!

Yuta: Uh huh... Let's get you some water and I'll take you upstairs.

You giggle, not minding being dragged up the stairs and into someone else's bedroom.

Y/n: Are you gonna fuck me, Yuta?

He rolls his eyes and hands you a water bottle.

He forgets just how horny you get when you've partied too hard. He remembers you begging to suck him off at the last party so he let you have your fun.

But you weren't as far gone as you are now.

Yuta: I'm not fucking you.

You whine, sitting up and pulling him closer by his belt loop. You takes his fingers into your mouth and suck on them while maintaining eye contact.

Y/n: I'll be a very good girl.

Yuta: Still not fucking you, so drop it.

Y/n: Then I'll go find someone who will!

You push passed him and open the door, but Yuta slams it shut.

Yuta: Stop being a fucking brat. You're cross-faded. That's why I'm not gonna fuck you.

You wrap your arms around his neck and jump on him. Your legs sit perfectly on his hips, his hands holding your ass so you don't fall.

Y/n: I thought we had a talk about this when we started fucking. It's even on paper.

Yeah, but it doesn't make it right.

Y/n: You don't even have to stick it in.

Yuta: I don't?

You shake your head and kiss all over his face.

Y/n: Why don't we just have intercrural sex?

Say what?

Yuta: What the fuck is that?

Y/n: You know, like if you were to fuck my tits but it's my thighs instead.

Oh.

Well, it's certainly a better option.

Yuta: Are you sure?

You nod, catches his lips in a gentle kiss.

Yuta: Fine. Hop off and get naked.

You do as you're told and help him out of his clothes.

You lock the door before crawling into the stranger's bed. You apologize in advance for your dirty actions, but you're not really sorry.

Yuta lays behind you, cock slotting between your thighs.

The friction was dry for the most part until his cock slid against your folds for a few seconds.

Y/n: Oh, fuck.

Yuta: Be good and I might just fuck you.

Y/n: Yes, Sir.

He repositions himself in your thighs and ruts his hips against your ass.

The way his cock sends tingles up your legs has you melting in his arms. His hand tightens around your throat as he kisses the nape of your neck.

His leaking tip gives him more than enough lubricant for his cock to slide effortlessly between your thighs.

You moan, choking a bit due to his fingers pressing lightly on the sides of your neck. He honestly didn't expect to get this aroused, but he likes it.

Y/n: You gonna cum for me, Sir?

Yuta: Where do you want my cum, baby?

Y/n: Inside me.

Yuta: Yeah? Think you deserve it?

Y/n: Yes. I deserve to be filled like a slut.

Yuta: Not like a slut, like my slut.

You gasp in surprise when his cock "accidentally" slips passed your entrance and hits your most desired spot.

He switches positions, kneeling right behind you. He pushes your head deep into the pillows to muffle your screams of pleasure.

You desperately grab at the sheets, walls clenching around him. Goosebumps decorate your entire body right before your vision blurs.

He pounds into your aching cunt, cum spilling deep inside you.

He pulls out and cleans your pussy with his tongue. He even lets you get a taste with a deep kiss.

Yuta: Feeling better, baby?

Y/n: Much better. Can we rest before going back out?

Yuta: Sure. Just don't make it obvious that we fucked. This is Jaehyun's room.

That sobers you up.

There's no fucking way.

Y/n: My brother?!

═══

a/n: LMAO, i'm insane. also, this is probably the shortest thing i've ever written ო̤̫ oh well!! thanks for reading ‹𝟹

[lxvebun]

୨୧We've talked about cuteness agression with Simon but i'm thinking many thoughts about Price now🩷

୨୧Content: John Price x Gender neutral reader. Fluff! Slight suggestivenes but still sfw♡ brainrot format. Not entirely proofread so i'm sorry for any mistakes♡

!D*rk content and k!nk blogs DNI !(a*) I do block and report♡

There's a little bit of difference in the things that trigger that foggy lovesick feeling in his brain with price compared to Simon.

Don't get me wrong, dressing yourself in his clothes or calling him cute pet names will always reward you with a plethora of sickeningly sweet kisses and delicate touches but that feeling when his heart start to beat a little faster and the urge to squeeze you tightly against his chest or press deep bruising kisses against your skin until he's all you can think of usually happens in moments where you're not even trying

One of those moments is where you're just on the edge of sleep, your body warm and just conscious enough to feel the soft blankets enveloping you and strong arms heavy around your waist, sleepy enough for your mind to already flash you glimpses of whatever dreamland its taking you to tonight. You have a habit of intertwining your fingers with his before whispering a barely coherent good night and nggggh can you blame him for pulling you closer to him by your waist and pressing tender kisses to your already warm cheeks?? It's taking a tremendous amount of effort to keep the kisses and touches delicate enough so you don't stir from your sleepy haze but god if he doesn't just want to grab your face in his big hands and press wet passionate kisses against every inch of skin available...

The silliest one is probably whenever your shirt rides up exposing just the tiniest sliver of the skin from your lower back or tummy and that's all it really takes for that foggy feeling to come back. Has to slow his breathing and squeeze his hands into fists to calm down because poor you, you're not even doing anything on purpose. He's not entirely sure why these things give him the urge to squeeze you like a life-sized plushie but it just does and honestly, can you really complain when his touch feels like it's leaving behind a trail of stars on your skin, and his kisses leave you feeling a little breathless and very very much loved and adored?

Thank you for reading angels♡

[nectardaddy]

dirty dancing - higuruma hiromi

cw: MDNI, highly (and I mean highly) suggestive, talk of sex, teasing/suggestive banter, dirty dancing, mild degradation [use of the word "whore" at reader], pet names [honey, baby], drinking, drunkenness, language, she/her (ma'am is used once), reader calls him an old man but there's not an age gap

notes: minors if you interact with this AT ALL you're getting blocked on sight, established relationship, written in the lens of him so it's a bit bitter, maybe a bit ooc? but he's drunk so I'll use that as an excuse, lmk if I missed any warnings

Higuruma much prefered bars over clubs, no longer a fan of the drunk antics that came along with the sleazy aesthetic. Being a bit older, and a bit wiser, he had sense enough to tell you no when you asked if he'd rather frequent a club.

But all it took for him to cave was a sickly sweet "please" and to gaze at him lovingly, batting your pretty eyes as you looked up at him. Finding himself eating his words once you dressed yourself in practically nothing, all for the sake of going out. Good god why did he say yes?

It took all but his very will to let you out of the house like that, better yet a venue where the whole point was to garner a few looks amongst the sea of people who danced. Thinking to himself, you'd get more than just a few, he'd have to all but cover you the entire night - he'd be damned if anyone dared to look you over.

He stayed at the bar majority of the night, allowing you to do god knows with friends you had met up with throughout. Nursing a whiskey and sighing like this was his last stand, he was a little too old to be occupying places like this. Sure, there were people well over his age patronizing the club; but this, truly, was not his forte anymore.

Cheeks already dusted pink, and his mind swimming gently, he rolled his eyes as he set his empty glass back on the bar. 'All for the sake of you having fun,' he thought. The music was too loud and shitty, at best, and those who sat next to him were sloshed and obnoxious. Why did he say yes?

Dark eyes met with your own as he watched you make your way towards him, laughing and stumbling as you were too drunk for your own good. Lights dancing off your skin, a ghost of a smile etched on his features. 'As long as you're having fun.'

But his eyes went wide as he felt your fingers grab at his tie and pull, seeing the playful glint in your eyes made him swallow hard. In that moment he realized you had every capability of completely breaking him. "Come on, old man," your speech slurred from the amount of alcohol you had. "You look pitiful just sitting there, I honestly feel bad for you."

"I'm a charity case now?" He questioned, all the while allowing you to pull him along. He was a wholeheartedly, down right, whipped bastard for you. Letting you pull him along, by his tie of all things, like a love struck puppy, through a sea of people.

"No," you reassured with a laugh. "You're my project." Voice loud from the music and people around, he felt his jaw tighten at your words. Hand still wrapped around the black fabric of the tie, you pulled down, forcing him to your level with a smirk. Dear god you were going to be the death of him. "I'm going to make you have fun," you mused. "You're going to dance with me - and you're going to love it."

He'd be lying if he said your words didn't scratch an itch in his brain, "yes ma'am." Letting just a touch of sarcasm grace his statement as it fell from his lips. He certainly knew dancing in a place like this was far from modest, borderline erotic as his eyes scanned his surroundings before returning to you. You were going to drive him mad, out right corrupt him where he stood.

While he knew it would be scandalous, this was point blank debauchery.

Slender fingers digging into the fabric covered skin of your hips as you, shamelessly, grinded against his crotch. His brain short circuited and his mouth went dry, he couldn't think a single coherent thought as your ass against his hips was all consuming. He could have sworn the last of his whiskey hit him right then and then, that was the only compelling reason, for him at least, to his actions.

"You're doing this on purpose," a sinful whisper in your ear, being so close he could feel every inch of you. The satisfying shudder your body felt from his words alone was enough to have him continue. "Honey, if you wanted to fuck, you could've just said that," he mused. "You didn't have to come out here to dance like a whore."

"Where's the fun in that, baby?" You asked rhetorically. Unfortunately for him, you turned, the delicious feeling completely ceased as you faced him. Looking into your eyes, the playful glint had turned - a warped desire taking its place as you gazed up at him. Hard pressed against him, the swarm of people around making the distance between practically non existent. He all but completely lost it.

"Tell your friends we're leaving," a quick statement, with a passionate force behind it that made you weak at the knees. Tired eyes now filled with lust and determination, you swore you felt your heart skip a beat. "If you want to dance like a whore, I'll treat you like one."

I haven't written anything this suggestive in a hot minute so I hope I tagged everything oof. Eat it up!

[chosoniisan]

caught in the middle ▶︎▶︎ choso + suguru (r18)

➤ pairing: kamo choso | reader | getou suguru

➤ setting: modern, non-curse au (uni au, specifically)

➤ genre: smut!! (a little dark, just a lil')

➤ caution: threesome (ish); a splash of d*bious c*nsent (coercion); oral s*x (p & v); rough treatment

➤ summary: according to suguru (no thanks to choso), you're too inexperienced for your own good; he intends to change that

➤ authoress' notes: I was struck with the idea of choso and suguru tag teaming you, and so this was born plus I haven't written smut in so long and wanted to dust myself off. my hope is that I can make this into a lil mini series, because I'm keen to continue exploring the concept of suguru showing you & choso the ropes when it comes to the downright nasty. I'm also keen to playing into a degenerate characterization of suguru, but that's neither here nor there :')

“Remember what I said—don’t let her cum before I do.”

Would you have preferred him talking to you rather than over you?

Who knows, but what you do know is that either way you’re the last one who’s primed to contribute any sort of coherent response. And how could you when you’re currently suffering from acute choking-on-Suguru’s-girth disease of which your symptoms include aching in your jaw, saltiness clinging to your palate, and, of course, an affinity for only breathing through the mostly muffled, the utterly debauched.

But he’s only one accessory to the crime of ruining you from both ends with the other half of the blame resting on Choso’s shoulders, coupled with you resting entirely on his face. How much “persuasion” went into this arrangement is a story for later if ever, particularly when Choso’s not flattening his tongue for another pass across the seam of your lower lips, as though a consolation for drawing back at the last second. 

“. . .That doesn’t seem fair to her,” he pitches in your defense, and for that he has your appreciation, even if speaking up for you brings with it the fanning of his breath, teasing of his pinked tiers where you’re most sensitive. It isn’t a perfect solution. . .or much of one at all, considering he makes a point to return to the source of intoxication, courtesy of a rogue flicker over you in that empty space—not so much with the ripple effect that sends you sputtering around Suguru and wishing he isn’t crammed so deeply in your mouth. “She always likes it when I eat her out, and I really want her to cum on me. . .”

Just like Choso’s blatant admission, so too is the embarrassment scorching through your insides, bubbling up over the expanse of your face; though you can only contemplate craning back since Suguru is enough steps ahead of you to crown his fingers through your hair. Suffice it to say, you aren’t going anywhere besides the engorged length of him, filling you up to the absolute brim. (Clearly addressing Choso’s knack for oversharing to your detriment will also have to wait for another time. And honestly, you’re not entirely sure you would have gotten through to him when he’s this overtaken by the peachy pit between your legs.)

Off the heels of abashment, you falter a bit as those pesky digits relinquish their hold on your tresses once Suguru’s commanded your compliance again. He’s silkly devious that way, tracing the pads of his fingertips across your cheek at first before his thumb presses at the corner of your lips and strains the tender flesh even further around his member. Unlike earlier, his sunglow gaze is trained wholly on you and no one else, nursing a glossy sheen atop your skin (then there’s Choso who isn’t helping your case either, wetting saliva over your folds). “Don’t you think that’s selfish of you?”

Is what Suguru says in the same moment that he’s devolved into using his hand on your face to guide you even further onto him, until he’s bobbing dangerously near the back of your throat, preluding what’s to come. Though as for the right now, he’s thoroughly effected by your oral sleeve, those last vestiges of self-constraint gradually falling to the wayside in a wash of heartthrob red laying claim to more and more of his face. “You have me to thank for this—yet you’re only concerned about getting off yourself.” His chiding has an edge of something else, which persists in obscurity as you’re beholden to a punctuated ram throwing you off kilter. “I didn’t think you were a selfish girl. . .” he trails off there, leading you along his very short leash. “Tell me I’m not wrong about you.”

You don’t tell Suguru anything—instead, you offer a semblance of a nod, accompanied by an even greater offering of slickened reverence to his cock as you work him feverishly into your mouth, skimming over the vein webbed on his underside. That sets off the chain reaction of him folding over you with a malted groan spilt from his lips, and in the meantime you rear your hips back, hoping Choso takes the hint to sympathize with your plight of not wanting to fall over the edge too soon. Because if he keeps at his previous pace, you have no doubt in your mind that you’ll be reacquainted with the sort of rapture only he knows how to indulge you in.

Surprisingly, Choso is receptive to your wordless plea even while he steers you back onto him with hands curled over your sides; the hum of a sigh inked in relief strums through him as he stitches himself back to you in earnest. Like each ticking second spent away from your heat was a second shaved from his existence. He’s measured for once with his devotion, smearing beads of your wetness to pave the way for his tongue breaching past your pleated slit and settling between your inner walls with a sinful ease. From you, there’s a whine that splinters into pieces the moment it hits the air as you’re realizing (belatedly) that you severely underestimated Choso’s proclivity for cultivating you into pure bliss.

It's too late now with his one-track mind and equally fervent ministrations, so you try to make what you can out of the situation in spite of electricity sparking over your nerves, the incessant bubbling up in your stomach already signaling the beginning of the end. And you need look no further than the weight of Suguru seeded on your tongue. Choso might be stealing a good chunk of your attention, but that doesn’t stop you from fixating on the sting at the outer edges of your lips from a tight fit or the soon-to-be mottling over your knees trying to keep yourself steady in the midst of a deterioration into downright battering. How quickly demanding bruises through Suguru like a contagion, the strain that’s cured only from your undoing by his hand, and so you’re left with no choice but to let yourself be caught up by him, in him, for the sake of him.

“You know. . .you’re not very good at this,” Suguru remarks as if he isn’t fiercely warming himself between your lips, because only he could pull himself together enough to tear into you with a breezy tinge in his wake, the proverbial salt in your wound. Sooner rather than later, his hand finds itself tangled at the back of your head, dragging you right down to the base of him, and your scramble to smother your gag reflex (and Choso in the process) through a hail of full-bodied quaking merely proves his point. “You’re lucky I’m willing to teach you how to properly suck dick, since Choso clearly isn’t giving you enough practice.”

Speaking of—it’s right then and there that Choso takes the opportunity to really spear you on his tongue.

He isn’t taking that dig too well.

Problem is. . .his displeasure is misplaced, or at least it feels that way when his fingers move to split open your folds so he can bully and prod at the spot that has you blinking back stars in collapse. A whine sets the stage for your frantic writhing atop Choso, trying your best to dislodge him for your own good, but he’s resistant to coaxing of any kind when you’re falling apart at his beck. It’s one thing to bear through an unrelenting Choso, molding you to the shape of his sticky sweet pleasure, but it’s another thing entirely to keep your head above the waters of gratification whilst swallowing down every inch of Suguru’s cock.

And he doesn’t make it any easier for you, you who’s allegedly rough around the edges in the craft of obliging a man. Breathing might as well be a luxury what with Suguru beating your throat raw with his swollen tip, and there’s no finesse in the way you fumble your tongue over him; either your efforts aren’t clumsy enough to warrant a snide affront or he’s far too consumed with chasing after his own end through you. (You’re inclined to think it’s the latter more so than the former.) Beneath the chorus of depravity suffusing the room, your heart is heavy against your ribcage, and you can only hope that Suguru acquiesces first, even if that means holding your nose to his c—

Lips seal around your clit with particular fervor.

Oh, no.

No no no no no.

A sweeping arch invites itself over your back in the same beat that you instinctively squeeze your thighs around Choso’s head, surrendering even more of yourself to his gluttony. It’s a vicious, depraved cycle because with every convulsion racking down to your bones, you’re anchored back to him gorging on you with little abandon, utterly remorseless that he’s driving you out of your mind. Ecstasy is oh so malted, tastes like a milk & honey delicacy while Choso can’t seem to decide whether to savor your pulsing clit or root through your tightly knotted, dripping wet clutch. Though it’s the bitter part of that sweetness sobering you up before you have a chance to feed into the velveted hunger that’s ravaging as it is rosied:

“You really don’t listen, do you.” His infliction isn’t the slow, too slow drag of his shaft along your tongue nor is it him relinquishing your mouth to slide along the side of your face. And neither is it the obscene tap, tapping of his ruddy cockhead against your cheek, streaking a mess of juices over the once untouched canvas of you.

Blinking bleariness from your vision and yet his moonless gaze, crackling at the edges, is clear as day—says there’s no need to wait long for true retribution.

 “I guess, I’ll have to give you a lesson in obedience, too—my treat.”

[kitorin]

journal.

in which, itoshi rin's midnight writing exposes what he's kept concealed from you.

contents. itoshi rin x reader, 2.878 k words, fluff, angst (in the past), itoshi backstory spoilers (mixed with a few headcanons), 1st person rin pov for a bit (journal entry), regular highschool au

a/n. is this my best? no. but is it the best i have for today? yes. happy birthday to rin <3 after assignments are done i'll definitely rewrite this (i gave up on proofreading)

10 / 09 / 2023 : SUNDAY, 12:04 am - 3:21 am

Solitude has never been a foreigner.

In fact, he's quite a familiar individual, an old companion that never seems to leave.

Even before Nii chan left for Spain, solitude was still there for me. During class I wouldn't utter a word to anyone else unless necessary, and contrariwise for said classmates. People still spoke to me; just not to the extent that they'd know what my favourite foods were, or what I liked to watch in my free time, not even bothering with it. I've never been invited to hang out with anyone after school, or been to someone else's house (not that I particularly cared, I was just sure that I was the only one).

But I was okay with it. I didn't want, or need anyone else when Nii chan bought me ice blocks, giving me the bigger piece as we'd watch the sun's warm hues bleed into the sky; the saccharine iciness contrasting how warm is was to be swallowed by sunlight together. Dad took us fishing a lot, he's always been well acquainted with the sea, taking us to locations well populated by bream; my favourite. On our way home we'd harvest kelp (Nii chan likes it in rice, salted) and take photos together on our yacht, admiring how the sun greets the world farewell, sinking into the aquamarine. Mum makes amazing food, I'm constantly astonished at how she manages to memorise every preference, from my love for ochazuke to being able to pour the perfect amount of tea; the rice never becomes too soggy (even I can't pour the exact amount I like). Solitude was close to me, but my family were closer.

There's a lot I could say about them, they've done more than remember what I love and ensuring I was happy; I'm thankful they've delivered the right for me to be comforted, to have a shoulder to cry on, to be able to freely ramble on about whatever fascinated me.

I've always been happy, even if I'm alone outside of the walls I call home. Because whether I laughed my heart out or sobbed to the point I couldn't form a coherent sentence, I'd always come home running to my family. Nothing can beat dinner; where we all relish mum's food, ask each other about our days' and offer solace or advice when necessary.

I miss that. Terribly, to the point my heart aches.

I knew that Nii chan's departure to Europe (Spain, to be exact) would change a lot. I'd have to score without his guidance, walk home alone and buy my own popsicles. Dinner time would have one less soul to laugh with, and home would have one less to embrace.

I just never expected it to be painful change. I never predicted that his return would result in losing us entirely. I didn't think his homecoming would cause my immortal resentment towards the snow, or how my eyes prickle a bit at the mere thought of an ice block. I'd say it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, separation from him following it on the list of my worst experiences.

Solitude avoided me at home, but wasn't enough.

One time on the way home, I was overhearing the team's conversations (nothing particularly new really) and it was a discussion about the future. It was honestly surprising to find out only some of us intended to become soccer players; Nagi would rather stream or compete in professional gaming, Kurona wants to study marine biology in uni, and Yukimiya wants to give acting a go along with his modelling career. Even Isagi has a plan for if professional soccer isn't an option. He said he wanted to help others achieve their dreams if he fails to do so himself.

I remained silent as always, but had a lot more thoughts racing through my mind. Retreating to my room immediately that night, my first thought was to lie in bed, to neglect the clips I planned to analyse, to ignore muscle training for today and to slack off a bit. That's when I realized how sad the life I was living. I was sad because I was reminded of my reality.

I'm a mere myriad of distinguished achievements, though a hideous attempt of replicating genius Itoshi Sae. I'm a collection of formidable accomplishments, basking in the spotlight of glory and honour. The trophies and awards adorning my room prove it, standing tall with pride and flaunting my hard work.

That didn't mean anything. I had remained in a constant cycle of training, eating, and sleeping. My teammates were just as ambitious yet still worked hard on other things; Yukimiya enjoys modelling and Reo has a passion for economics, That must've been where I was lacking.

That's how I ended up writing again. It was an attempt to break out of this cyclical torture of constant training and sports.

I don't know how I remembered it, but I found my notebook from primary, all the stories messily scrawled yet legible. Scarlet adorned narratives birthed from child-like imagination, eulogising the prose, even though I almost flinched out of embarrassment.

Flipping through the pages, I had found the paragraph my teacher left me, insisting that I keep writing. Obviously, I never did. After getting into soccer I ignored everything school related, and would've found words on a page foolish anyways.

Many years later, I finally followed that advice.

The end result wasn't pretty. I paused a lot, struggled a lot, and almost gave up, a lot. It may have been hideous, but it was mine. A piece birthed from curiosity and memories from the past turned into another attempt. Another attempt morphed into extensive reading, I wanted to observe what was considered worthwhile or meaningless.

Writing rewove the early nights into late night reading, fully immersed in the author's thoughts translated into prose. Reading was the push to giving academics a go. Academics pulled me out of the endless cycle of soccer, there was more to life than training and diet regulation.

Books I can read. Words I can write. Exams I can study for and sports I can practice. Weights I can lift and competitions I can train for.

But to be loved, is so difficult.

It's not like an exam that you can study for and simply memorise the answers to. Or a match that has the security of a referee and reinforced rules. It's not something that can be guaranteed with a mentor.

People treat Isagi to his favourite whenever he has a bad day (he likes kintsuba). People advocate their favourite novels to Yukimiya and Chigiri, even going as far as memorising their preferences to curate their recommendations flawlessly. It must be nice, for someone to invest that sort of effort in you, even if it's simply remembering a hobby.

As my peers savoured the allure of love, estrangement and desolation constantly haunted me; a pest habituating the sleepless nights where I try to escape with a cup of coffee that's long gone cold.

It's lukewarm, praying for another's attention, care and love, to be hungry for one's time. I pathetically plead whoever manipulating my fate to provide me some sort of human connection. I shouldn't be so hopeful of others, yet I find myself dying of curiosity; what would it be like for someone to remember my birthday? Or tell me about the horror movie they adored?

I despise solitude's clinginess. But I hate how it makes me sob endlessly when no one watches.

I have myself. I have my thoughts which I've transcribed to oeuvre. I have the pile of books resting on my bedside table which sleep alongside with me. I have the trophies and awards I've won, I'll always appreciate my own talent and diligence, even if playing soccer brought me so much pain.

I think I'm somewhat pretty. I find my prominent eyelashes special to me, it's something unique to both me and Nii chan. My physique isn't too bad, either. I like the way my legs look, and my shoulders as I dry my hair.

I've always been proud of myself. I've always been enough and I always will be. Just not for others.

That's why I never expected my bond with solitude to be severed so easily. Especially because of y/n out of all people.

I still don't get how it happened. The oblivion to their presence became a peculiar first impression. An odd first meeting turned into abrupt yet regular greetings amidst hallways. Soon, I was sitting with them in every class, passing notes during tedious lessons and discussing our favourite media on the bus ride home.

Before I knew it, passionate rambles about books turned into watching movies together in my room. Whenever they greeted me their friendly wave was replaced with a tight hug, passing notes in class were accompanied with subtle kisses on the cheek.

Our relationship as friends was reimagined to lovers.

Something must've possessed me to blurt out the stupid crush I had on them, and I thank whatever drove me to do that. As awkward as I was it doesn't compare to the skip of my heartbeat when they accepted my feelings.

It's been almost a year since I met them, yet I still feel hot whenever they hold my hand, and flush red at every compliment they whisper. I still find myself stuttering sometimes whenever they're showing me a new outfit they've styled.

I love the way they smile, the creases of joy that adorn the outer corner of their eyes, and how they squint with glee and the sweet, melodious laughter that accompanies it; how breathless they sound whilst laughing. The expression they wear when deep in thought fascinates me, even if it's midway through an exam or them simply observing a video Bachira sent them. I adore their late night thoughts they text me at 3 am, the fatigue itching my eyes seem to evaporate when I notice their name on the notification. I treasure the notes we've scrawled on spare sheets of paper, they're still in between the pages of my books.

Even now, they're sleeping soundly in my bed, arms wrapped around the plush I bought them; I keep getting distracted by the sight of them so relaxed, chest rising up and down with each breath.

I would die for them. Because now I don't need to pretend to be invested on my phone to look less lonely. Now, I don't need to put my bag on the seat next to me to make it look like I sit alone by choice. I don't have to persuade the teacher to let me do group projects alone, or have to observe others with jealousy. Someone defends me from disparaging comments.

Because now, I'm not alone.

7:15 am

THE ENTRY COMES TO AN END, AND EMBARASSMENT DUSTS Rin's face a faint tint of pink. His eyes avoid contact with yours— as he waits for your input his latest piece.

"Well? What do you think?"

You're not sure where to start. You've always known about his strained relationship with his older brother, and how his friendship with his teammates wasn't the same in the beginning. But he never explained it in detail; you wouldn't've guessed that he had some sort of chionophobia, or even cried because he felt so secluded from others. The thought of him concealing his tears and pain from the rest of the world made your eyes prickle and sends your heart racing miserably.

"Doesn't matter—" He reaches for the notebook, closing it and tossing it onto his desk. "Forget it, you didn't see anything." He plops backwards again, head hitting the pillow and groaning as he covers his face with his forearm. "It was shit anyways, I'll rip it out and toss it later."

"It wasn't."

Rin stays silent.

You lie down, mimicking his current position and cup his cheeks with your hand. "You'll never be alone again—, I promise you that." Your voice falters ever so slightly, the thought of his pain makes you feel weak in the knees and sick to the stomach. "You're more than enough, you always have and always will be. You don't need anyone's validation to be beautiful, you never did."

Rin sighs, "I'm only like that because of you." Yet something seems to throb in his heart, the small but overpowering part of him that insists he requires another's approval to be important— someone finally proving that wrong.

"That's not true."

"Yes it is, our classmates still loathe me, so do people who barely see or speak to me." There was no lie in that; but it wasn't Rin's fault. "Yoichi and the others only spend time with me because of you."

"I was only the push for them to speak to you, you know they've always cared, they were just too nervous to speak to you. As competitive as he gets, Yoichi really admires you, to the point he gets so heated and ends up rambling about your skills." That's a secret that was supposed to remain in your private messages, but Yoichi doesn't need to know.

Satisfaction momentarily appears on Rin's face at the thought of his rival's great respect, though it doesn't last very long.

"He's my teammate so it's expected... everyone I speak to at school seems to have something against me, even our English teacher." The mistreatment at school is undeniable, it's not exactly bullying but there's no respect or human decency in how people behave towards him.

"Rin, love, you've done nothing wrong, hate isn't always rational. There will always be people who can't stand seeing others more successful, and that's not your fault."

"Really?" His eyes light up; despite having a sophisticated and cold demeanour all the time, he looks like a child again, hope dances in his wide eyes.

"Really." Your fingers take advantage of the opportunity and pinch his cheeks gently. "Don't listen to all those stupid rumours and assumptions, idiot. I'd fight anyone who tries to hurt you and win every time."

When your fingers let go he immediately kisses you, and it leaves you breathless; the way he pulls you in flexes his well toned biceps and his hand supports your head.

"Thank you." Rin whispers, pulling away a bit. "Thank you for appreciating me. Thank you for everything." It's a rare occurrence for him to sound so frail, same goes for the tremble of his bottom lip.

"Of course, I love you more than anything."

"I love you too." It's escorted by a peck on your nose, and a soft expression sculpted on his face.

Before Rin can throw a blanket over the two of you again, you interrupt.

"You shouldn't throw that entry away." You still haven't forgotten his initial intention with it. "I don't get why you think it's shit."

"It's rushed. And it's just me waffling on about my feelings and the past. There's no proofreading, and it's rushed. It's not even complete either."

"That's the whole point of writing, no? It's the expression of our words and thoughts." You reach towards his desk to pick up the notebook. "Not everything has to be written in one sitting, too."

Rin doesn't bother stopping you from looking through the notebook at this point. "It's still stupid. It's just that I had the urge and motivation to write in the dead of night."

"Well. I like it."

Rin's stoic expression crumbles, revealing the bashful side he keeps concealed from the world. "Then that's good enough for me." The red on his cheeks tell you that you've won the argument.

You turn back to the entry page, impressed with his barely legible yet pretty handwriting. "You should've slept instead."

"I don't get tired anyways." He's quickly betrayed by the yawn clawing out of his throat.

"Liar. Why would you stay up writing so late... your sleep is important you know?"

"Because you are love itself. I won't get a wink of sleep if it means I can think and write about you instead." Rin's pulls you in again, tossing his notebook elsewhere as he leans in. "I promise I'll finish that entry, no— I'll write a book about you one day."

"Writing this, writing that, sleep first dumbass." A smile tugs at your lips as you pull Rin back into the position you were cuddling in a few hours ago. Even though you were the one who slept a lot more, fatigue itched your eyes, and a yawn spilled out too.

In response, Rin tosses a blanket over the two of you, whispering good night as you begin to nod off a bit. He should rest too, he has training tomorrow and has to go to the gym as well.

The Itoshi Rin from before would've slept immediately. In fact, he wouldn't've stayed up in the first place, let alone date someone. But the Itoshi Rin now instead stares at you, admiring each and every feature of yours. You're his savior, the luminescent moon irradiating his world, guiding him away from the grasps of solitude and embracing him with love instead.

Tagging: @yuzurins (yumi you inspired this fic btw lol)

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[gabessquishytum]

Dream attempting to punish World Pussy-Eating Champion Hob with oral sex is so funny to me. Hob intends to tell Dream eventually. Just, not yet. He's still having more fun with this than guilt over the deception.

Except, he doesn't get the chance to come clean.

Dream is with his (friend? sibling? someone he likes well enough to tolerate this sort of thing), and they start to tell the story of this guy they hooked up with a few times who ate them out better than anyone else before or since. And this guy LOVED doing it. So much, in fact, that they couldn't keep up with him. They felt a little bad about it, honestly, especially when he confessed that he'd NEVER had a lover who wanted as much as he wanted to give.

Dream is only half paying attention, until they drop this former hookup's name. And then? Dream has to leave. Immediately. There's somewhere he needs to be.

He shows up unannounced at Hob's flat and explains that he knows what Hob has been keeping from him, and Hob absolutely WILL be punished for this transgression (Dream isn't mad--he expects nothing less than this sort of behavior from his beloved brat--but he's not going to let something like this slide, either), but first? First, Hob is going to eat him out until HOB has had enough. It is a tragedy and a crime that no one has ever made PROPER use of that mouth.

Hob is hesitant at first. He's had lovers ask for this before, and none of them really understood what they were asking for. They'd all tapped out, and a few of them just ghosted him after. But he also wants to give Dream everything he asks for, and he can't deny he WANTS to eat Dream out until they're both sobbing. So he sets about eating Dream's pussy with all the enthusiasm and skill he's been holding back.

And that's how Dream discovers his hitherto unknown overstimulation kink. Which opens up a whole world of possibilities for Hob's punishment. Just as soon as Dream remembers how to speak in coherent sentences.

(Hob has to cancel his lectures the next day because there's no way he can give them with his tongue this sore from overuse, but he's honestly never been happier)

I'm so <33333 about this whole concept. And low-key emotional about Dream postponing Hob’s punishment so he can finally, finally sate his appetite for Dream’s pussy. That's love right there, baby. Make Hob feel proud of his incredible greed and skill for eating cunt. He should never ever have to hide his desire ever again.

I can fully imagine them going at it for hours. Dream is comfortably propped up in a throne of pillows, with Hob between his legs. And the first few orgasms are lovely, really. Dream can take it easily. He pets his hand through Hob’s hair, praises him, encourages him. It's only the beginning.

Hob wants to stay there until his fingers are wrinkled from being wet for so long. He wants to stay until his own mouth is dry and aching, until his lips are swollen and his nose is bruised. He wants to stay there until he passes out from exhaustion, with his tongue still buried in Dream’s pussy. He wants to give all that he has, to completely dedicate every bit of energy to Dream’s pleasure.

And Dream lets him. To be entirely fair, they both need to spend the next day in bed. Dream may not be attached to his physical form, but he's not sure he can actually stand up. Hob isn't doing much better, but he can't stop grinning.

Dream will have to come up with a punishment when he can find 2 braincells to rub together, but right now, all he wants to do is sip tea and give Hob lots and lots of cuddles. Safe to say, they will be doing it again.

[idyllic-affections]

how abt hcs abt gn teen (around 15-16) reader being kaeya’s biological younger sibling !!

if we have each other.

summary. what is it like being kaeya's teen younger sibling?

trigger & content warnings. child abandonment.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, slight angst. kaeya & younger sibling!reader. 0.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. anon omg... ive been wanting an excuse to write something like this again for a while! i am a professional platonic kaeya enjoyer <3 anyway i hope you like these!!! i decided not to go into the whole ragnvindr family drama thing because honestly? i go into that a little too often when i write about kaeya. i chose to give him a break today!

i see kaeya being very protective of his sibling. he's not so protective that it comes off as overbearing, but he's definitely very involved in their life only because he just... doesn't know what he'd do with himself if he let them get hurt.

given that he basically had to raise them...

it makes sense for him to be so involved. sure, he had help from the ragnvindr family, but kaeya did the most work when it came to raising his baby sibling.

when his father abandoned him in mondstadt, he also abandoned his youngest child, [name]. they were about two or three at the time.

he doesn't necessarily hold the same resentment towards the seven that other khaenri'ahns might, though he doesn't exactly lean in their favor either.

still... kaeya thanked the seven that they didn't get deathly sick (they were so young and frail that it really was a valid concern) that night in the pouring rain, despite how badly they shivered and cried. he'll never forget how utterly visceral their sobs were.

he doesn't doubt that they understood what was happening that night, despite how little they were.

because of that, kaeya doesn't hide anything from them. he tells them the entire truth about their origins as soon as they're old enough to coherently ask why their father abandoned them.

when kaeya and [name] were young, they were absolutely attached at the hip. once they're both older, they aren't seen together as much, but that isn't to say they aren't seen together; it's just that kaeya does have obligations as a knight and his sibling has their own commitments.

he loves them wholeheartedly.

if he had to betray khaenri'ah to protect them, archons know he'd do it. if he had to betray mondstadt to protect them, archons know he'd do it. he doesn't care as long as it means they'll be safe.

to kaeya, they are probably the most precious thing he has—ever since his falling out with diluc, at least. well... they were always his most precious thing. after his falling out with diluc, it just made them moreso.

part of the reason he despises those who threaten others' families is simply because of his sibling.

he does not take threats to their safety lightly, not at all.

kaeya's a very good brother overall, but he is 100% also the most annoying mf.

he's the type of older brother that makes his sibling do things for him and then guilt trips them when they tell him to do it himself LMAO

i feel like he can cry on command and does it just to make them feel bad when they tell him no!

you know that "i'm hungry. grill me a cheese" audio? yeah.

Kaeya: I'm hungry.

[Name]: So lick that coat, you smell like a—

Kaeya: Grilled cheese.

[Name]: What????

Kaeya: Grill me a cheese.

[Name]: I'm not grilling you a cheese!

Kaeya, sobbing on the floor:

[Name]: ...Oh, for Barbatos' sake.

kaeya, as protective as he is, is also very laid-back. his sibling has just about as much freedom as they could want (within reason, of course).

kaeya, his sibling, and klee are a chaos trio. the three of them have lit a concerning amount of things on fire.

he's very physically affectionate!

ruffling their hair, leading them along by the dip in their back, shoving them (lovingly)... he's clingy, really, and just likes being able to touch his sibling because it reminds him that they're safe and alive.

if they ever wanted to become a knight, he's right there to support them. if they wanted to become an adventurer, again, he's there to help them out.

whatever they want to do with their life, he's their greatest cheerleader.

kaeya will always support them, but he's also very tough on them when it comes to training them physically if their aspiration demands physical strength.

they want to be a knight? an adventurer? a traveler, perhaps? alright, but they need to take him down in a fight first.

he makes every duel with him the hardest fight of their life.

kaeya needs to be confident that they can effectively defend themselves, and if he isn't? sorry. they aren't going anywhere until he is certain beyond a shadow of a doubt. he needs to know they can handle themselves, because—as much as he hates to admit it—he may not always be there to protect them.

wouldn't it be interesting if they got a vision while in a duel with him?

that'd be a very fascinating twist of fate.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[deer-carcasses]

somewhat an analysis of Alastor

I've been going over this multiple times while it was just some rambles in my notes, but I finally decided it might as well see the light of day. if you do read this all, thank you. if not,,, understandable. it's a lot.

if this whole things is not coherent at all and does some weird jumps, I'm sorry. I took multiple breaks writing this over the span of the whole day. it was even more of a mess, I promise this is the slightly cleaned-up version.

especially the later parts get less cohesive in my eyes since I had to take longer breaks in between them. they also might jump around more. but now, in case you do want to read this; enjoy.

obvious spoilers ahead

let's start with the most interesting aspect for me: we barely know Alastor. sure, we know a little about his backstory, and get snippets of interactions here and there, but it wasn't until well into the show that we got to know his character better. ep.5 was where we see something deeper than the shallow persona he puts on for everyone. he's been more of a helping hand to make the plot progress in an interesting direction than a character with obvious deeper meaning. I don't mean to say that he was not well-written, quite the contrary, I mean to point out that he seemed more like a tool in the story than a character we are supposed to connect with on deeper levels.

we all as viewers had no idea why exactly he was there, to begin with, he said it was for his own entertainment but even then, this seemed like an awful lot of work for him to come out more or less empty-handed most of the time. it's an unfair deal for Alastor if you ask me. and honestly, he does bring little less than "entertainment" to the table until then. being used to show that he is helping yes, but mostly doing it so he can pull someone else down with his help. double-sided blade. he loses, but whoever he helps also doesn't win.

let's talk about ep.5 though. in this episode it's the first time someone truly irritates him. he didn't really care much for Vox - seemingly finding his entire obsession rather funny and never seeing him as a true threat. and Sir Pentious he didn't even truly remember. but with Lucifer that changes. Alastor doesn't just see him as bothersome, he sees him as important enough to go out of his way to prove he is better than the literal king of hell himself. at first, you could argue that he's once again doing it for his entertainment. seeing how much he can push before he needs to get back in line. but looking closer, his body language betrays him.

the way Alastor holds himself shows a true disdain for Lucifer that is, from a viewer's perspective, totally unjustified. Lucifer did not start their weird rival dynamic, it was Alastor who from the beginning on looked down on the king. maybe it's a personal reason, maybe it's just the fact that Alastor is more than well aware that no matter how much power he gets, there's no way to get above Lucifer. his omnipresence might simply be an annoyance to Alastor because he knows as well as Lucifer that the king hasn't shown his face in a long time and his reputation and power over all of the pride ring, over all of hell, still stays in place. no real threat could shake Lucifer's power into crumpling and this thought alone might bother Alastor because he had to fight for his power, to keep his power. (see Vox having presumably more power with the modern media and all that before Alastor disappeared)

and there's also of course the whole bantering going on in Hell's greatest Dad. Are Alastor's words genuine when he speaks to Charlie, or is it just a tactic to get under Lucifer's skin, maybe not seeing his powers crumble but seeing the king's nerves being reduced to nothing by his hands.

I personally don't think he was being entirely truthful. he might not have straight up lied about everything, but I don't think he truly wishes Charlie to be his daughter. Charlie herself is more than a little surprised by how Alastor suddenly treats her, and that alone is proof enough for me that he wasn't being honest in his words. if it were true, wouldn't he have at least a slight fatherly touch towards her all the time? Later on, Angel Dust even somewhat points out that Alastor has never acted like this by asking what his [Alastor's] deal is. It shows me that no matter how badly he tries to make it seem real for Lucifer, it's not real for anyone else simply because they all know how he normally acts around them.

continuing to Mimzy for a short moment; she is proven to not be a reliable narrator at all so I don't want to really take what she tells about Alastor all too seriously. she even concludes her little tale about the radio demon with "That's the story most people know." which does not make it any true. something I thought is very interesting is that the only two people who might have any idea of how truthful Mimzy is in her story are both gone. Niffty, though she also does not seem like the most reliable narrator, is not part of this conversation, and Hus kates himself out of the scene almost in the same moment Mimzy starts talking about. Husk leaving is more important since he obviously knows more about not only Alastor but also the deal Alastor is bound to. Husk and Alastor might equally hate it, but Husk does seem to care about Alastor at least a little. warning the overlord about Mimzy and how she is known for only showing up when she needs something, and I'm sure Alastor is more than aware that Mimzy wouldn't show up simply to catch up with old friends, but still. the sentiment of Husk seeking Alastor out to warn him, and even mentioning how he [Alastor] has been gone for a while now, is in itself caring, especially when moments later the viewers find out how much more Husk seems to know about Alastor. it even seems as if he is aware of limitations, mentioning how it's "Big talk for someone who's also on a leash." coming from Alastor's deal, even if Alastor himself is ignoring them [see the line "Who in their right mind would cross me?"]

the whole fact that Husk even seems to know so much about Alastor's deal is confusing in a way. I can't see Alastor willingly going to Husk and telling him about not only the deal he made with someone above himself but also about the limitations of said deal, it just doesn't make sense for the character we know Alastor to be, and even when finishing the show my opinion doesn't change. it's even more prominent how he later hides away.

after this scene, Alastor isn't seen catching back up to Charlie, Vaggie, and Lucifer to continue annoying him simply by his presence. his outburst having left him apparently on edge - showing that he isn't as calm and calculated as he likes to pretend. he obviously struggles with his own anger, be it at Husk for bringing up that he knows about Alastor's deal, or himself for ever getting into the situation in the first place.

later we see Alastor taking care of Mimzy's problem -the loan sharks. he's not seen using his powers like he did when Sir Pentious attacked though, he willingly transforms into something eldritch to devour the threat instead of simply using the tentacles, which would've been just as easy for Alastor. in my eyes that's him getting rid of the last restlessness about his outburst at Husk. choosing to do it himself, showing he still has free will over what he does and doesn't do. if not proving it to Husk then proving it to himself that he can choose to do this. he goes all out, he even comments on it himself how he needs to let off steam and later on how he's important here and willingly choosing to be here, helping ["It's time to remind everyone [Husk] why I'm here."] Alastor needs Husk to know what happens when you cross him, and when you doubt him. because he took the comments about how long he's been gone and that he's also on a leash personally. I don't even think it's necessarily because Husk said it, it's that someone in hell said it. not a soul in hell is allowed to think that Alastor, the radio demon, is not strong enough to win every fight he chooses to start.

let me come back to Mimzy once more, as if this one scene scratching the surface of what lies underneath his smile-bright persona revealed by Husk wasn't enough we get Alastor being all buddy-buddy with Mimzy, who is not only acting like a friend to him but is also introduced as such. a normal friend to someone who is so obviously not normal.

but even with his more friendly behavior towards her, he ends up sending her away after the hotel has to suffer under the problem she brought along. ["I can't have that here."] If he was genuine with what he said then, why did he phrase it like that? I might be reading too much into it, but Alastor normally picks his words wisely enough to not let too much slip, and the sentence "I don't want this here." would've been better fitting for the situation, but he says can't have that here. new question, what can't he have here? Mimzy herself? someone who knows him better than the residence with maybe a habit of blabbering? or was it just the fact that it's her problems that he needs to fix? that he can't have her bringing more work than there already is at the hotel?

now making a bit of a jump, going from ep.5 to ep.7 this episode makes me mostly wonder about what Alastor could ask from Charlie later on based on the deal the two of them made. in terms of character, it gave us little besides his dynamic with Rosie and the entirety of cannibal city. though this was also not really anything new, more just what we already knew about Alastor in a new dynamic

there is one scene I do want to talk about though. his whole little speech around smiling. him actually standing by and admitting that he is hiding behind his smile did take me a second to actually realize what just happened, I did skip back to it because I was a little stunned by the absurdity of it all. after some thought it made sense that he might not mind it, Charlie does not know him well enough for this off-hand comment to truly affect anything for him, still it made me wonder. why would he reveal it to her? was he simply so sure that she wouldn't use it against him or did he think she wouldn't even think of using anything against him in this kind of way?

so it confirms that yes; Alastor uses his smile as a facade and also as a way to show he is above others who cannot hide behind a smile like he can. his smile means indifference to himself, neutrality. for him showing anything but the indifference that his smile represents is vulnerability. weakness.

let's move on to the actual "highlight" episode of "What We Learn about Alastor" ep.8

this surely was not the first time he got humbled badly by someone in a fight. it's what he wants to avoid most, the mask slipping, everyone seeing that he can be defeated, that he is not this otherworldly powerful being that not a soul in hell [or heaven] can touch. there had to be at least one very significant moment where he was powerless in a way. where he had to strike up a deal with someone higher, the one now binding him, now having him on a leash.

Alastor went into the fight with Adam overly confident, underestimating Adam's powers to the point he barely got away. he is, after all this, still a mortal soul. a sinner. Adam on the other hand was the first man which gives him roughly the same power Lilith must have. that in itself makes me think Alastor lasted a good deal longer in the battle than I would've thought. pure angelic powers far surpassing his own and he still 1) got away in the end and 2) was able to get in a few hits.

let's quickly touch on the fact that when Adam broke his microphone he seemed to be completely stunned, apparently not having thought that he could easily break his possession without any real resistance. I personally don't think his power is necessarily in the microphone [the was the simply gave it away to Charlie in ep.7 being my proof for why it can't be. he would never abandon his power just for Charlie to sing a song for a few cannibals] but what if it maybe is some kind of amplifier for it? maybe it's also pure placebo and Alastor was simply too stunned that Adam would go for the piece of equipment instead of for a deadly blow right away. the microphone surely was a confidence boost, feeling of being 'on air' the feeling of having his broadcast behind him while doing his everyday tasks giving him the boost he sometimes needs, his ego being constantly stroked by the knowledge that there would be countless sinners bowing to him if he simply said the words into his microphone. no longer being able to do that made him stutter in more ways than one, being momentarily careless, not prepared for Adam to strike again, deadly this time. he lost where he was in his performance, in his own show, and it made him mess up.

one interesting sentence is when Adam comments on how Alastor is just a mortal soul. "You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate." which makes me want to believe that's exactly what Alastor did, taking charge of his own fate. but the thing is that we know he did not. he made a deal with someone, and he doesn't have the ability to take charge of anything about his own being anymore. he's as much on a leash as he has Husk on one. that would only mean that he isn't at his full potential, held back by the deal he so desperately wants to get out of, and is actively looking for a way to get out of it. which turns this line into something else completely. Alastor reveals that he knows what he is capable of, but cannot parade his power due to his deal.

another interesting detail is his ears before he dissolves into his shadow. they are pinned back, showing not only agitation or fear but disorientation. he opens his mouth for no sound to come out and it frightens him to have come into this situation at all.

a big part of his mental disintegration in this moment surely is also the fact that if he had died at this moment, if Adams's hit was slightly more fatal, he would've died bound to the deal still. Alastor would have gone without being able to fulfill his own goal - getting rid of the chain around his throat. getting control back over his own afterlife. if he had died at Adam's hands, he would have died being possessed by someone else which we can assume is what Alastor sees as the lowest he can fall. the people bound to him by a deal mean nothing to him as it seems, we only ever got to see those who were needed for the Hotel.

while also, dying in this moment would have proven to everyone that he stayed to protect the hotel, his friends, but retreating and not being killed in a heroic death-wish battle be had proven to especially the audience that Alastor is not ride or die for these people.

in his breakdown ballad, we can finally see where he went to to lick his wounds. his entire breakdown also shows once again how scared he truly is of being inadequate. this wasn't just a reminder from Husk that he is indeed also on a leash, being pulled to where whoever holding it wants him to go, this is a rendezvous with death, barely escaping the situation that would have proven that he is too weak, at least while being bound by this deal he is [no longer] profiting from.

the place not only reeks of death for him, like he says in his song, but it also reeks of shame at the fact that he had nearly not made it out alive. it would've been seen as a noble act had he truly died in this scene, he had not died protecting himself, he had died protecting others. it is worse than dying on a leash even since at least almost no one knows about that, it would allow him to save some face. but dying for these people? he cannot even stand the thought of it.

in his mind he needs to keep up the smiling facade, the indifference in this smile he holds obviously so dear, for eternity. him dying should not allow the indifference he stands for to evaporate, he needs to play the act even after being killed in his afterlife.

even if this now ends rather abruptly, my work here is done. see you next time I start writing and simply don't stop for a while.

it truly is "Good to be back on the Air." with a newly cleaned-up space to talk about fandoms

this might be edited later on, nothing major, maybe just to have some actual continuity in it.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Oh we are so BACK

When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????

I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.

Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.

From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:

Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)

He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.

That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.

After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.

I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.

Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:

MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.

[pepsiiwho]

Hey I’m just very curious- do you think you could expand on your thought here: “Persephone isn't a good mother and, imo, would have a very strained, tentative relationship with her actual son (and now daughter hahahahah damn....)”? It’s not a common take I’ve seen- at least in the parts of the fandom I frequented- and I’d like to know more about where you’re coming from. Like I know Nyx isn’t a good mom- particularly to Hypnos- but it’s way less common that I see people saying Persephone is a bad mom.

To be clear, I’m not disagreeing or being confrontational or anything- I’m genuinely curious to hear your thoughts. Also what’s all this about the timeline implications? I don’t have a computer to play the early access on and so I have to hear about it second hand. All to say if you could tear yourself away from Hades 2 long enough to formulate a coherent response I’d be eternally grateful.

Sure! I just got to the final boss in hades 2 so I probably need a break. Ignore the shaking and cold temperature of my skin, I'm normal! Long post under the cut!

Okay lets see, first thing: any nyx or Persephone freedom fighters out there who wanna defend their mommies or whatever do it somewhere else, I don't give af. This isn't directed at you, I just gotta cover my bases. Anyway,

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Persephone (Pers) loves zagreus, I won't say she doesn't. She lost him once and that grief drove her to leave hell entirely, leaving her husband and home behind for solitude of her own creation. You don't get grief like that unless you loved someone, or the thought of someone, deeply. But, having said that— she was gone for (functionally) all of Zagreus' childhood, adolescence and a non-zero portion of his adulthood. A charitable read of their situation was that she wasn't absentee by choice, not knowingly at least, and if she knew she would've never stayed away as another woman raised her child and her husband abused said child because of her toll on his mental. My read is that she left, abandoning her husband and baby and when Zagreus went to find her she wouldn't even come back with him. He reached out, found her, begged her to come back and she wouldn't. The reasoning for WHY is something I've forgotten honestly, I haven't played HADES story mode all the way through in years, but regardless she didn't instantly come back and will herself into her son's life. Any deniability she had was gone by that point, imo.

And let's say, for argument, she came home and instantly was heavenly and kind and loving and everything zagreus needed then— doesn't change the fact she abandoned them.

I don't think you get to be a good parent when you missed all of your child's most formative years. That sort of loss is something you don't get back, time that doesn't get to rewind just because you made a mistake. I think a common fandom take with hades fans is that the family is fractured but whole by the end and everything is okay. That's nice, I guess, but I think it's boring and uninteresting. I much prefer a read that zagreus moved heaven and hell (literally) to get to his mother and he finally got what he wanted and still wasn't satisfied. She wasn't the goddess he expect. Not the. mother he expected. She was .... something else.

Theres a degree of negligence in her actions that just are unavoidable.

Unless I'm completely misremembering the events of the first game, (which is a real possibility, me and my best friend have done so much insane HC talking over the years canon and Fanon get blurry quickly—) I think she's a bad parent. And this isn't even touching on how her absence made Hades a worse parent and abusive figure to his son. I think of that quote from... somewhere, that was something to the effect "an abused child's saddest realization is that they didn't have a normal parent and (1) abusive parent— they had (2)" Zagreus had to have thought that if she hadn't left, abandoned him, he wouldn't have to endure what he does.

As for time line mess: it's too vague. (It's funny you sent this when you did, I actually was just talking about this with my bestie, all of 15 minutes ago. You cursed me, witch)

So assuming I understood hades lore, with only the first game as our point of reference (no myth, no outside media, just the in game text) Hypnos, Zagreus, Than and Meg are around the same age. Thanatos and Hypnos are twins, meaning they're the same age and it's implied that meg grew up around the twins and zagreus as well. Zagreus openly references their shared childhood with nyx and achilles and probably other characters I forgot. But what matters is that if they grew up together that tells us one of two things:

Gods are functionally made like human children are. Not for a purpose or function but just because the parent wanted them (or had an accident) and then a aspect is applied to them at birth/conception OR

Gods are created by their parents to fulfill some sort of need that the parent didn't/couldn't/shouldn't do themselves. This seems to be the more textually supported answer, if Nyx and her fucking high school football team worth of children mean anything.

Neither option is one I like, because they don't make much sense to me in relation to humanity but that's neither here nor there. Personally, I think godhood should work like the concept of storks do in that when humanity needs a new figure to pray to or invoke, a child is 'born' and delivered to the parent. So, by this logic, the base needs of human begins would come before all else right?

So just within Nyx's family, the ages should really go Chaos > Nyx > Fates [?] > Hypnos > Than > Charon > etc etc etc. Because human beings must sleep before they die and then die before they're transported to hades and so on and so on.

But in THIS model, Hypnos and than would be considerably older then humanity and everyone else in the house, hades included. Which means they'd be far too old to have grown up which zagreus. Or maybe zagreus is way too old to be acting so childish? It's hard to say. Neither answer is particularly satisfying. That also doesn't even bring into account the olympians. And don't event get me STARTED on Melione. God. The timeline has major implications for her and her story depending on where she falls on it.

But that's a whole other rant. Like this is already getting long as shit. I hope this made sense and I'm glad you asked! I enjoy going on my senseless rambles.

Well, back to the horrors (hades 2) <3

[pencileraser1]

u were keatposting in my asks. now i must do the same in yours since my brain is so obviously filled with him. share ur keating thoughts i know theyre hiding in there!!!!!!!!

i'm just gonna thoughtsdump about this it might not be coherent?but here we go

a lot of my keating thoughts are kind of depressing uh

i think the really tragic thing about this movie (or one of them i guess) is that in the end basically everything that happened likely didn't matter enough in the long term. and one of the biggest losses is that i kind of do think that after keating left, almost none of the students would continue to apply what he taught them. the biggest exceptions to this would be todd and sort of half charlie, i do pretty much agree with the post canon idea that it's likely that todd would end up an english teacher. and i think that he's probably the only person who would genuinely continue to actually apply what keating taught him. charlie i think would continue to be rebellious for a bit longer and then eventually sort of fall in line with what his parents wanted from him in the end, the best outcome is probably that he'd go on to be some sort of artist but i don't think it's super likely that that's what he'd do long term/all the time if that makes sense. for the rest of the poets, i think they'd all go back to how they were before pre-keating. i think you mentioned that neil was really the person who understood keatings lessons the best, which i agree with, and him dying likely prevented the rest of the poets from really getting it before keating left. basically my thought about this is that at the end of the movie, todd and keating are both fundamentally changed, but the rest of the poets aren't, and how much they were able to change is not enough to create a lasting impact.

on a lighter note someone said that possibly the most impressive mark of what keating did was that hopkins stood up on the desk at the end. and while i think that the combination of todd being able to stand up on his desk first, and how keating and neil made it possible to do so is more impressive, i think it maybe comes in in close second for me (i know i just went on a tangent about this not mattering that much but it did matter a little bit and this is still very impressive. like the guy shown to be the Most skeptical stood on the desk that's a lot)

i've seen a theory floating around every once in a while that keating's experience with the first dead poets society might have been similar to what happened with neil, like he had a friend in the society who also committed suicide, and i kind of don't like that theory very much? i guess there are a few elements to it, the biggest being that if someone died the first time, i don't think that keating would even entertain the thought of restarting it. and the second is that i honestly think we could come up with something a lot more interesting.

keating went to welton during ww2, (there's a small possible plothole/timeline issue which is that nolan tells keating he taught english "way before you're time," per the annual, keating begun attending welton in 1941, when nolan was probably about 40 and i suspect not principal since there isn't really any familiarity between the two. my personal theory which i actually really like now that i'm thinking about it is that nolan wasn't at welton from 1941-1944 for some reason, probably ww2 related. not sure Exactly how, nolan's old enough that it's unlikely he would've actually fought unless he had been in the military before, but that could also be interesting, idk there's a lot of possibilities) the us joined ww2 at the end of 1941 so for almost the entire time keating was in school, that would have been going on. and i think that would have put a very unique type of stress on the school and i think it would be really interesting to think about the poet's experience during that time. what i do think happened in lieu of someone dying is probably that they got in some significant amount of trouble at some point, or possibly that they didn't exactly get in trouble but that there was some other issue related to the administration.

other interesting details from the annual: keating was varsity soccer captain and editor of the school annual, likely how he got dps under his name. also btw keating was the soccer coach during the movie if that wasn't clear since the soccer team is. just keatings class minus cameron whose doing fencing. and i only realized this after reading the book (which i do not reccomend if you want to read the book just read the old script it's got all the same stuff and i honestly think the writings better in the script)

anyways i think we should come up with more theories about the original dead poets. bc i think that could be interesting.

i think we were kind of talking about the keating/neil parallels a bit and i'm just gonna talk more about that as well bc i'm a bit insane about it. so like as previously mentioned!!! neil is the one who fundamentally understood keating the most probably (todd and charlie also understood keating but in different ways kind of??? and i think you've spoken about this before too) and there's a lot of like; keating likely starting the original dps/neil starting dps 2.0, both being editors of the school annual (sort of), both encouraging people (todd) to express themselves in ways they might not have thought possible

the way keating and neil's storylines end are also similar. they both set out with a specific goal and while they are successful at first, they are both stopped in ways that are ultimately kind of catastrophic. not fully coherent about this yet but. wanted to add it.

also just wanted to briefly mention keating and mcallister bc i really liked their relationship, all of m thoughts have already been said but i just wanted to add that

keating is in a position where he understands what his students are going through in a way that none of the other teachers do and throughout the movie i honestly think his goal was at least partially just to make their lives just a little bit better. like some of his students would get it and some wouldn't, but for all of them they have one class where the teacher is nice and not as strict or exhausting or gives them ridiculous amounts of homework. and even if keating is just. the one class that's a little bit easier. that still probably helps so much with how the environment at welton was. obviously keatings ultimate goal was probably to teach his students to think for themselves and about what they specifically want but i think the smaller impacts of like. ok here's one class where the teacher isn't a hardass is meaningful too.

[glamaphonic]

Just curious, because I love your Richonne takes.....so beside the obvious ptsd angle, do you think Rick dove into the whole Jessie situation because she was the easier choice. I mean yes she came with baggage lol but in my mind she was safer in that maybe he didn't WANT to acknowledge his growing feelings for Michonne because 1. He wasn't sure she felt the same way or convinced himself she didn't. And 2. He didn't want to jeopardize her relationship with his Carl whose happiness was most important to him always....?

For me, personally, Rick comes right up to the point of bringing his feelings for Michonne to consciousness in 5x16, then pulls back again (at her perceived rejection imo!) and doesn't let himself go there again until they're all safe and the world stops screaming in his face (as Gimple once put it).

So, honestly, no, while I think it's a valid enough reading and I understand why people lean towards it given how they fumbled the Jessie storyline (esp in 6A). I mostly think it was just the PTSD.

The Jessie thing, from the moment they meet, is so inextricably connected to this mental breakdown that he's actively having for the entire length of their acquaintance that suggesting that he's deliberately choosing to pursue her as a safer option v Michonne is almost giving it too much intention for me? Bcs like, I'm not particularly convinced he was ever actively pursuing a relationship with her at all. Everything he does wrt her is so completely consumed by this weird miserable guilt and PTSD driven almost fugue state that it becomes difficult to divine any specific intentions towards her at all.

He fixates on her because she reminds him of Lori and she and her kids are in danger. He seems to feel some sort of obligation/responsibility to them after Pete is dead. But does he have any actual plans there? Does he intend to have an actual relationship with her? Were they gonna date? Was he going to move her and her kids in with him, Michonne, and his kids? Or was he just sad and working through some shit?

Not a fair comparison, though it's one that Rick implies himself, but we see how he goes about pursuing a relationship with Michonne. We see the absolute crystal clear intention and commitment from moment one. And obviously Rick and Michonne's relationship is the actual love story whereas his relationship with Jessie is a plot device. But the Jessie thing exists in this strange weightless way in the narrative and part of that is the extremely compacted timeframe (he knew her for legit two weeks lol) and part of it is definitely owed to the writing failing at adapting something that no longer really worked in the narrative that the show had already committed to so they just quarantined it away from everything else, and especially away from Michonne and Rick's relationship with her, and hoped no one would notice.

Anyway, I'm rambling at this point and I'd have to do a rewatch of those eps to form a more coherent argument here. But yeah, in short, I think, largely by the specific design of the writers, Michonne didn't really have much of anything to do with the Jessie thing at all. It would've made more sense on every level if she did, and the fact that she doesn't is both comically contrived and heavily contributes to the Jessie storyline amounting to nothing but a weird and incoherent blip that no one ever thinks about again. But it is what it is!

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

TMAGP 5 Thoughts: Getting Babadooked

Honestly, I didn't really vibe with this one. I didn't hate it or anything but it didn't really grab me. I'm not really sure there is a whole lot to say about it either. It's an interesting premise in a cerebral sense but I don't think the incident itself was super compelling.

Spoilers for Ep 5 below the cut.

I think the setup was pretty great but when it got time to do something spooky there wasn't really much of it there. The build up was compelling enough. A movie that's so obscure information on it in any sense is hard to come by. The singular review being not overtly strange but not really a review at all. A contest that's pretty clearly a scam of some sort. Some hints that the theatre was wrong, a single weird staff member hinting at more, spooky popcorn, etc. The movie itself is entirely mundane except that it's a home-movie of your own family, with a detail you never noticed while you were living that movement. Then it just sort of ends.

It really felt like it could've done with a couple more minutes to give it a bit more of an ending. The conclusion, while scary to think about as a full scenario, lacks so much detail and happens so abruptly it's hard to feel like there is really much of a conclusion at all. Just a minute or two of blind panic and a hurried attempt at an escape before they get kidnapped, and presumably, replaced would've been a much better climax which the final post on the site would've helped reinforce. There was even a narrative device worked in that would allow for all sorts of fucked up stuff to happen and still be coherent in the format. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] is just [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] by a different name and could've done a lot of great work in leaving that sort of imaginative space for the listener.

For the office drama portion of the episodel; Klaus being the IT manager before Colin is an interesting detail for sure. Wasn't entirely expecting that but it explains a few things. It doesn't significantly alter any of my previous understanding other than suggest that the precursor to the OIAR's system might be a little bit more fringe. As in if Klaus set up Freddy entirely then the Klaus sheet might not be from a German version of the OIAR. The response 121 came back a lot sooner than I was expecting but still feels a bit like a slow burn.

DPHW Theory: 2377 lines up well enough. It was mostly a weird time where they got compelled to do something. Makes sense, not too exciting.

CAT#R# Theory: CAT2RB is properly filed this time around but still not a whole lot to say. You could assume the ones that were wrong are all wrong and so the tria prima thing is back on the table but with so few data points it's hard to call any of them anomalous. R# could be some sort of scale indicator now though. Rank C incidents supernaturally affect single people or objects, Rank B's can affect larger areas or spread from person/object to person/object, Rank A's are wider still, and Rank S's are on very large scales. That idea fits pretty well with what we've seen so long as you labour under the assumption that the effect an incident can have doesn't map directly with its Rank. Daria's incident ranks higher than the violin but lower than the Institute. Whatever happened to Daria was passed onto her through another means so is higher even though the violin ended up killing more people it never grew beyond just a violin. Where as the Institute is a hole building that's seemingly supernaturally tainted.

Header talk: Disappearance (undetermined) -/- Invitation is fairly interesting. Showing some broader concepts than I think we've previously seen.

[yousta]

(Sigh) I know I don't normally make posts that express my raw thoughts but I'd really like to start talking more personal. So this is my first attempt.

I'd like to say hello to members of the obsessive love, IRL yandere/lovesick community. I'm like hyper-fixated on you guys as I feel like I can empathize with so many, which was a unique experience for me.

If you've posted in the last couple months chances are I've probably went through your account. That's how I met my girlfriend, I know you're reading, Hiii honey bunny I love you so much.

Sure I have my own defined idea of the concept and what I like about it like everyone else does I'm sure. I'm sometimes selective with what I'll interact with. Which is part of what I wanted to talk to you about today. What I personally see, the good the bad the ugly, just the whole thing.

I'll start with the potential...

In my life, I isolated myself for many years because I couldn't find anyone who wanted to pay attention to me long enough to understand me, let alone care enough to actually love me. Which I more or less assumed was a trend of people identifying as lovesick, no one will know what you need better than yourself after all.

Obsessive love is making a point of love being a major focus in your life. Which is great you would think, until the rest of the world sees you as just another fish in the sea. They wouldn't recognize you for it as anything real, because not many people value upfront love. Everyone excepts liars and cheaters because that's all people seem to do without intention.

The act of being needy isn't attractive, it's why not everyone's giving money to a homeless person you have no connection to. Well I wanted to take a moment and say this is not that for me.

I read you guys everyday, I'm convinced a lot of you are seemingly inherently obsessive about a lot of the things you do, because given the platform you communicate yourself so coherently, so open and in touch with what you know you need. To the point when I first started reading people here. I was confused, feeling like I knew them even though it was parasocial.

Well that's because I relate to your struggle better than my own irl friends in those ways. I just wanted to say you're my favorite fish. I know I could never give you that love you desire as I'm taken, but I really want to extend the offer of friendship to each and every one of you, because I want to create a place for you to be recognized for all the love you've given. It may be platonic but I love you as the light of this world.

Of course nothing is all sunshine and rainbows.

There's people who'd intentionally ignore the warning signs or have such low self awareness, they won't or can't see what they're representing certainly has the potential to be or become toxic. Whether if it's for yourself or others.

Possessing but recognizing violent thoughts as intrusive is one thing, but identifying yourself by having those thoughts. I can't help but to acknowledge how you're building yourself up, creating momentum in a direction I don't think you or anyone truly wants. My question to you is why?

Hopefully you're just being very far removed from your words and the reality of you're saying, hopefully you're too deep into some strange character or persona you've invented and can separate yourself from it. Yet it seems to me that this is not always the case... Some members of the community are really struggling.

I mean I understand, people I knew growing up didn't have any real defined idea about love or stepped with any firm intention. So I understand why something like you see in these yan tropes could be appealing.

I grew up in a city where everyone is really cold to one another. Honestly I've lived here all my life and never felt like I truly know or trust anyone. Which when I was younger lead to a lot of moments I lacked insight I needed, to get my desired out come. I don't think you're barking up the wrong tree entirely however.

Which is why with this post and in future ones. I really want to help you guys with some general advice to set your intention, get your perspective and mindset right for loving in this style. I think I'd be a good person to ask, as I'm currently very sucuessful and happy in my current relationship. If any of you ever need to talk more personally though, my DMs are open for anyone who needs to vent.  

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i have this silly little undeveloped au in my brain that's just like. tedependent but it's the sarah jane adventures. sort of. not literally in the doctor who universe necessarily but like. local intrepid reporter trent crimm investigating weird shit except the local neighborhood kids will not leave him alone.

i have so many thoughts about this but none of them are coherent enough for a proper fic i think:

i just think trent being good with kids, generally. go mentor figure trent! (what this has nothing to do with my thesis what do you mean)

trent, like sarah jane pre-series, having a sort of reputation in the neighborhood (or in general, since i'm also incorporating his actual canon vibes/story) as to being standoffish, aloof, cold, etc., and generally anti-social, keeping to himself. and as the kids keep dragging him into things kicking and screaming he might also be dragged kicking and screaming into a community <3

if his daughter is essentially luke does that mean he adopted her under Strange Alien-Related Circumstances? absolutely it does, yes.

see i've got two great ideas for ted/tedependent. on one hand, although in the context of SJA/nuwho i'm not so much one for sarah jane and the doctor as a Thing, ted playing the role of like. someone from trent's Mysterious Past who he won't talk about who set him on this path? someone who was kind and wonderful and changed his life but then--at least it feels like to him--abandoned him? someone who made him a better person--from doing whatever journalism he used to do to this--someone who he's still kinda in love with... but trent can no longer even really talk to......until he shows up again? that's some good shit, not gonna lie. although i'm jimmying that into a happy ending somehow, goddamn it.

ALTERNATIVELY. henry being one of the Neighborhood Kids (as if we're using "canon" kids, we've got limited options) and ted being an oblivious parent. trent is trying to get these kids to STOP POKING INTO DANGEROUS ALIEN NONSENSE PLEASE THIS IS HIS JOB PLEASE STOP BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE but they're stubborn and smart and they may or may not have saved his life once or twice and oh GOD THIS IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE but he can't just TELL THESE RANDOM NEIGHBORS about ALIENS. but like anyway this just painful secret identity-esque nonsense where ted knows henry's taken a shine to that nice journalist down the street and his daughter but does NOT know that henry is getting into Shenanigans(TM). this could lead into all sorts of drama about, you know, his kid being in danger... or, alternatively, ted has worked with some unit/torchwood-esque place before and is like OHH you know what? this explains that time i thought i heard you speaking an alien language. cool, cool. and trents like. .....WHAT

etc. i'm not wording this well but i think you get the idea.

if you really really wanted to make it complicated you could do both, considering the doctor's whole thing--either a fob watch or a regeneration--but honestly, i don't want to do that, so i won't

some of the adults do definitely get involved though. keeley either clocks that shit right away or thinks she's clocked it but she's actually clocked something entirely different. she's like i know you're mi6 babe ;) and he. is not. meanwhile roy having ten freakouts in a row and then being like nvm i'm fine with this. (is not fine with this, but will be eventually). jamies like yeah aliens. everyone knows about those. and they're like what?? no they dont?? and so on.

is beard an alien? genuinely no one's sure. he's not telling.

HOLD ON can i give trent k-9???? can trent crimm get a robot dog?????? yes please i think he deserves a robot dog

also see the trickster episodes? bet you could do something real fucked up with those.

i feel like i had more when i started this post but i don't remember

this not well thought out at all and i have no idea where everyone would fit in

anyway my point is. trent crimm, intrepid journalist, running around trying to stop alien shenanigans while Those Meddling Kids keep following him around. trent crimm doin a little Breaking And Entering. scooby doo shit. and he has such an interesting mix of seeming suave and badass and then immediately doing something embarrassing. trent crimm--via shenanigans and also Those Meddling Kids dragging him into their lives (aka he tries to keep his distance SO badly and only is involved when dangerous shit is going down but like then it's all. child knocking on his door like IT'S AN EMERGENCY OPEN UP and hes like WHAT WHAT IS IT and theyre like can you help me with my homework :( and hes like. fuck. yeah fine what do you want help with. (some subjects he's very helpful on others he's VERY not) until they're like okay but you're coming to this bbq right. and he's like? no? and they're like you're coming to this bbq right. and so on) ANYWAY the point is they keep dragging him into their lives and now oops! trent actually knows his neighbors and has to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known. but that also means that when he gets badly hurt or sick he's used to the empty hospital room but now he actually gets people showing up and forcing baked goods on him and shit and i'm just feeling a lot of things about this extremely hypothetical au based on my already existing feelings about trent gaining a community in s3/post-canon,

wait does this mean trent gets sonic lipstick? HELL YEAH IT DOES