#i'm normal about secret life scar i swear

[gaylotusthatexists]

(read on ao3 here)

She was dead. 

Scar stared down into the ravine, at Pearl’s lifeless body sprawled out on the ground, not quite able to tell where her red cape ended and the blood stained stone began. He hadn’t even noticed at first - he’d heard her scream, but had barely even processed it. Thought that maybe she’d just slipped, fell a couple blocks at most. He called out her name when things went silent. She hadn’t responded. 

He sat down on the edge, unable to tear his eyes away. Everything was so quiet, far too quiet. No laughter, no screams, no metal piercing through the air, no heavy footsteps pounding towards him. Not even the wind howling in his ears. 

That was it, then? 

He… 

He brought a hand up to his mouth, clasping it shut, holding back the sob that racked through his body. He didn’t feel like he had the right to mourn. Pearl hadn’t even really been an ally, let alone a friend, not until the very end. 

(That’s just how it goes for him, huh? Finally makes a friend, and she dies by his own hand.) 

But, even if only for a brief moment, she had fought by his side. She’d been willing to protect him, to give up her own life for him. And now she was gone, and so was everyone else, and Scar had never expected to get this far. So he let the tears roll down his cheeks, shoulders shaking, and… well, it wasn’t like there was anyone around to see, was it? 

(Was this how Grian had felt? With the harsh desert sun beating down on him, staring at Scar’s lifeless body, blood soaking into the sand, at the edge of a silent world. Had he mourned? Or had it been a relief?) 

He forced himself to take in a deep breath, lowering his hands and reaching for the scroll tucked into his pocket. He unrolled it, stared down at the red ink, eyes tracing across those three words. Win Secret Life. He’d… 

Huh. 

It occurred to him, in that moment, that he’d succeeded. Right? There was nobody left, so… 

“Oh my gosh,” he muttered, a smile creeping across his face. “Oh my gosh, I-” 

He took in a shaky breath, then stood up, stumbling more than walking over to the Secret Keeper. It almost felt like a trance, his feet somehow carrying him forward whilst his mind raced a million miles an hour, trying to process what had just happened. He’d won. And he’d… 

Gosh, he’d done so many things he now regretted to get there, but he made it out. He was still alive. 

Everyone had been against him. Everyone. The very world had been against him, this stupid world had wanted nothing more than for him to be hated, to be alone- 

Well. He supposed the world had got its wish, hadn’t it? He was alone now, more alone than he’d ever been. Not like he wasn’t used to it, at least. 

The thought crossed his mind as his hand landed on the button, a surge of newfound energy rushing through him. He tossed the thought to the side, his smile moulding into a grin. He’d won. 

He laughed. “Take that, Secret Keeper!” He turned around to face the rest of the world, his smile dropping just a smidge as he finally took in all the destruction. He tried not to think about it. “I did it. I beat your stupid game.” 

The sun set behind the statue, bright blue skies ahead beginning to darken to a deep purple. He headed towards the stars, back over to his home. Trying his best to ignore the corpses that lined his path. The blood on his hands. 

Scar stopped when he arrived at what used to be his home, realising that… right. It’d been destroyed. It’d been destroyed for a while. 

The world was growing cold, darkness spreading overhead, wind beginning to nip at his skin. He tugged his shawl tighter around himself, eyes landing instead on the courthouse, still mostly intact, somehow. That… That would work for now. 

He settled into the far corner, taking a few moments to gather himself, taking in deep breaths. He hadn’t realised it between the adrenaline of the final fight and grief that had taken hold of him as he came to understand it was over, but he was exhausted. His bones ached, his eyes felt heavy. If it wasn’t for the wounds that still littered his body and the cold that seeped into his skin, he would’ve fallen asleep right then and there. 

Instead, he curled up into a ball, trying to preserve as much heat as possible, shut his eyes, and waited. Tried not to think about all that had happened, tried to pretend it was a normal night. 

(Once again, his mind drifted back to Grian, wondering if it had been like this for him too. The desert had always grown cold at night, and gosh had Grian complained about it, every single night without fail. But with their home destroyed and Scar dead on the floor, what had he done? No walls to protect him from the wind, no strong arms wrapped around him to keep him warm.) 

Scar shivered, curling further into himself, shifting on the hard cobbled floor in an attempt to get comfortable. Nothing was really working. 

(Had Grian even stuck around long enough to find out? Or had he immediately moved on, found somewhere new, a place that wasn’t tainted with memories, both good and bad? Should Scar have done the same?) 

But with exhaustion settling deep in his bones, he ended up drifting regardless, in and out of a not so great sleep. 

When he managed to convince himself to wake up the next morning, all the sunflowers surrounding his home had wilted away. 

Days and nights passed, and he made himself busy. 

He started repairing Trader Scar’s, filling in the holes in the ground and rebuilding the walls, so he at least had somewhere somewhat comfortable to sleep at night. (Even if the building itself didn’t really matter anymore, since there was no one around to stop by and peruse through his wares. He kept it stocked anyhow.) 

He went around the server and gathered up all the bodies that remained, burying each and every one in whatever spot they cherished most. (Even the ones that had died by his hands. Even the ones he’d been unkind to, the ones who’d been unkind to him - in all honesty, he’d deserved it. The least he could do was allow them now to rest.) 

He did his best to repair the rest of the damage, or at the very least clean everything up, allowing the memory of everyone else to be preserved. (Even as those memories haunted him at night, his dreams filled with blank faces and blood stained clothes. As the days wore on, he found it harder and harder to convince himself to sleep.) 

Since no new tasks came, he started to make up his own. Happy ones, this time. Picking flowers, creating art, sending compliments, leaving gifts at the graves of those who had fallen. Tasks that he wished he could’ve gotten during the duration of the games, so that maybe things would’ve turned out differently. Maybe people would’ve liked him more, maybe he’d find less swords or arrows plunged through skin, wouldn’t have found his hand on the sword’s hilt or the bow’s string. 

They all ended up bittersweet. A dead body couldn’t cherish a gift, hear a compliment, admire a piece of art. Flowers wilted beneath his feet and in his hands. 

The world he inhabited was dying, but refused to drag him down with it. 

Months passed, and he continued to live, wandering an empty, dying world. 

(He wondered, again, if it had been like this for Grian. If he’d tried to make amends, build their house back up, repair the rest of the destruction that had been caused by their hands. If he’d buried Scar’s bodies next to Pizza’s grave, laid out a bouquet of poppies and lilacs, sat and cried as he remembered the time that they had shared. Or if he’d moved on immediately, ran off and found somewhere new.) 

Scar thought about it sometimes, running away. As far away from the Secret Keeper as he could get, beyond where the border used to lie, carve out a new life for himself. He could never bring himself too. 

(The desert began to invade his dreams. Grian’s lifeless body at the base of Monopoly Mountain, so small in the place so vast and endless. Dead before he could see the stars one final time, the world now dying around him.) 

He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke. He was used to feeling lonely, when he pressed that button he thought he’d be able to handle it, but this was so much different. 

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. 

Wait? 

For how long? 

Every other time, the moment his heart had stopped, his eyes had opened and he’d be back home, back to his normal life. And eventually he’d be pulled away again, of course. The games would continue forever and ever and Scar was fine with that, he itched for it, wanted desperately for new allies and new enemies and a new world to discover, a world that was living. 

When would everything start over again? 

Had he not been punished enough? 

(He remembered seeing Grian after they’d left the desert. Remembered how he’d thrown himself into Scar’s arms, sobbed on his shoulder, clutched the back of his shirt so incredibly tightly, like he was scared to let go. He hadn’t understood it at the time, didn’t know why Grian was so upset - they were both safe now, Scar had been willing to die for Grian to live, he hadn’t been upset by it. Now, he understood.) 

He was caving when it happened. His pickaxe had finally broken a few days ago, and he needed a couple diamonds to replace it - sure, he could’ve taken one of the many swords left behind by the others, but that felt… wrong, for some reason. (He’d never been above stealing before. He couldn’t quite figure out why this time it felt different.) 

He hadn’t been paying attention. He very rarely paid attention, nowadays, but up on the surface that wasn’t such a bad thing. His efforts to fill in all the holes around the server made travel relatively easy, and actually being able to sleep through the night for a change definitely helped. Down here, none of that mattered. 

He didn’t even see what it was in the end. He wasn’t convinced he would’ve fought it off if he did. 

Scar died, and the world finally went with him. 

He awoke to bright sun shining through a window, and warm sheets covering his body. Noises outside, laughter drifting through the air. 

It didn’t feel right, but still, finally hearing something other than his own breathing brought him to tears. (He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried, he thought his tears had all dried up by now.) 

He was home. 

And despite being the only one who’d lived in the end, it was only then that, for the first time in months, he actually felt alive. 

[furrysmp]

decided to go sunbringer designs for once. I have so many words oh my god

so. uh,

I am so normal about sunbringer joel smallishbeans so normal I swear. he's planning to throw the o from his name at scott btw.

... he and scar are related but I'm not explaining further until the actual fic about it comes out because there's so much plot significance in the smallishbeans.

... grian. has a book. that he borrowed from the Library. it's very relevant I swear the concept of the library is a plot point.

Also grians eyes are technically green! With a bit of purple and just. a layer of Dark over them to make them less neon green. its not in his genetics to have neon eyes. unlike scar and I swear their eye colors are relevant but like in a weird queerplatonic scarian dl based bit in the grian chapter of the fic

Mumbo is a long cat and being held by me specifically those hands are how I draw my mc skin. I wanted to draw him as this meme since 2021 but he's very hard for me to draw so I took the one time I'll ever draw him and did this.

Jimmy is. a creature. that has bird features but also cod features bc again half of the plot of sunbringer is based on empires 1. Also the bird he's holding is singing. And joel is stealing the song bc he has music type magic.

Scott! Is the one guy I can talk about! Because he already appeared in the fic. He's part ender dragon and like. a child of stars? I have a lot of times I drew him before I think but idk how much of it I uploaded before so yeah. Please ask me about sunbringer scott smajor he's one of the only ones I can talk about and he has so much lore going for him he's so dear to me

impulse is. technically part ender dragon too? the specifics will be explained in his chapter of yhiwu (alongside. a lot of magic lore. like a lot. I have half that speech written already it's basically looking the empires fic in the eyes and going "fight me uwu")

And because impulse is aligned to shadows skizz gets to be some form of light dragon descendant? Like light isn't directly an element in the magic of this universe but it does have an equivalent in the element of Life, which connects to truth and love, whereas shadows and theatrics (and storytelling in general) is always aligned to whatever element is considered dark; in this magic system, being Void.

Tango is looking up at mumbo. thats all. I don't have a lot of notes because my tango is just a little guy.

(Etho is checking smth on his smartwatch and also doing his best to ignore bdubs rn bc bdubs is in his villain arc/hj)

... ngl the only note I have on the bdubs design is that it's accidentally inspired by my human design for the main character in the show I'm writing. Bracelets and sparkly eyes and a t-shirt and. Crimes.

also not much on the cleo design she was just fun to draw but the implications of her existence are spoilers and also not really visually indicative bc idk what a "zombie hybrid" would look like so she just looks. funky. her background is all stitched together btw I finally had a use for the dashed lines brush :D

martyn and ren are. BIG spoilers. But only to like chapter 5 of the current fic. I will say I highly enjoy their existence tho. Also my ren designs always have hawaiian patterned shirts its a personality trait he seems to possess. Also his glasses are like. a hologram? bc his ears are Dog so he cant have normal glasses w like. the things that go behind ur ears.

lizzie is. also very important. she gets the two animals thing like jimmy bc axolotl and cat were her empires animals. also her buns are heart shaped I saw some fanart of that and its really cute so I also have that. and she's also looking at the long mumbo! very confused.

bigb. scares me. like yeah secret life really be mans villain arc. I tried to reflect that by actually straight up mirroring his eyes and having him be. the only guy looking straight at u. he can see u. u can run but u cant hide. also he gets cookies. also also drawing facial hair is hard he's the only time I ever managed to make facial hair look. normal. ever. wont happen again.

gem is being adorable and also definitely a deer hybrid dont mind the magic or stuff its fine (her chapter is. third in the roster. I literally just need to finish the impulse chapter to convince myself that its ok to upload her immediately after ch2).

and pearl! who we know bc she gets first chapter of the fic and thats already out. her eyes are a bit like moons btw. also she's doing magic back at gem which is cute I think. idk.

also half of them have fancy hair shines. like joel having beans that get progressively smaller. or pearl having moons. :D

[thatonefatgumsimp]

Which Secret Life POVs I've Watched So Far (will be updated and edited as I finish)

OK so I may or may not have gotten distracted again- oops- but basically I'm putting here which POVs I've already watched in full and what my first thought about each one was.

-WARNING: wall of texts and ramblings from an mcyt obsessed audhd under the cut...and also spoilers. Don't click unless you're ready for simultaneously spoilers and an ungodly amount of text lol-

Grian: "God this series is so hype I can't wait to see what all happens and- OMG GEM IS HERE! :D GEM IS GREAT! I can't wait to see her kick Etho's ass at PvP again /lh ...waiminute...is that logo on the statue...is that the Watcher logo??? Huh??? Wait...and why does it have the same mossiness of the Entity and Grian's s9 base? Suspicious...OMG the chaotic Best Friend energy with Mumbo and Grian- tbh would be me and my best friend on any given day. Amazing. Their laughter is so infectious too lmao- Oough merch! Pretty :3 Wait it's over already? Aweeeeh ): can't wait for the next episode tho!"

Mumbo: "Wait he switched sides of the circle when Martyn punched Jimmy lmaoooo just like 'these people are crazy, save me, Grian-' 💀 The best friend energy omg still amazing I love their dynamic so much! Ooh a sideways house that *IS* an interesting idea! WHY DOES JIMMY KEEP BREAKING THE CRAFTING TABLES LMAO Hmmmmm Impulse ik cherry blossom is great, but that salesman voice is indeed very sus. I'm with Mumbo on this one."

Skizz: "Idk I watched it when I was very tired last night and all I remember is 'Awwweh a frog! Take care of him...WH- TANGO!!!' and also him apologizing to Gem which was very nice. Oh yeah and love island <3"

Jimmy: "Alright, Timmy, you've got this. Just don't die and- OMG MARTYN NOOOO LMAOO- Aweeeh it's like when you have a really young sibling or you're, like, a parent or something and you kiss the child's scraped knee to make it feel better- 🥺 wholesome. THANK YOU! I thought I was alone in recognizing that symbol, thank you for acknowledging it. JIMMY LOOK OUT OMG YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK! OK but the task. This man is an absolute menace lol. Aweh that's very nice of Scar to compliment Jimmy's outfit! SCOTT LMFAOOOO YOU'RE SO RIGHT, BUT AT THE SAME TIME 💀 Jimmy building in the Mesa? Tumble Town 2 electric boogaloo?? 'Hmmmm if Scar's building a shack, we're gonna have to have a shack-off, mine's better.' NO JIMMY DON'T STEAL THE CAMEL! D: pftttt Scar would- remember the Relation-ship? And the Ranch? Arson boy lol. THE VALLEY GIRL ACCENT I CAN'T- 😭"

Scar: "OK, Scar, you can do the task, I believe in you. I've seen 4 other POVs which prove that you failed, but I still believe in you. OMG THAT'S WHY HE COMPLIMENTED JIMMY'S OUTFIT LMAOOO I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION- So true, Scott. So true. But you can't stop them, they're still gonna end up neighbors. I know, I already watched Jimmy's POV. SCAR NOOOO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM- The way he jumped in the water- 💀 hc that c!Scar shook out his long-ish messy brown hair like a dog after that. Cuz he would. 'I'll make an exception for you. The first and ONLY exception.' if someone doesn't use this as, like, a fanfic title or something I swear- literally perfect material for a c!Scarian fic title. AWEEEEEEH HE CALLED GRIAN THE LIGHT OF HIS LIFE- I CAN'T BHATGLFYSJBJSRSKBLBK 🥺 Scar just like 'y'all crazy. Bye.' AWEEEEH GRIAN AND SCAR'S CAMEL RIDE! DESERTDUODESERTDUODESERTDUODESERTDUO! The way they stare at the hole Big B dug like *insert surprised Pikachu here* awwwwweh the way he let Grian have the cactus monopoly 🥺 you will never not convince me that bullying is their love language. c!desertduo bullies each other affectionately...I'm so normal about c!desertduo I promise- HE TALKED ABOUT ASOKA FOR 30 MINUTES OFC HE DID- 💀😭 I was wondering why he didn't include it lmao- NOT SCAR TREATING THE CAMEL LIKE A DISNEY RIDE LOL learning about the task goodies with Tango, Jimmy, and Scar 101 'IS IT A ROCKET' LMAOOOOO- HE'S SUFFOCATING AGAIN- SCAR BE CAREFULLLLL!!! Ik it's not in the comments, but, I GOT TO THIS POINT AND I'M ENJOYING IT, SCAR! Love this series sm and I'm only 5 POVs in lol. 'It's looking kinda like a shack' 'fancy house and exotic materials' indeed, Etho. Also yes, Scar, part of what gave it away is that ur favorite color is orange lol /lh the fact that Jimmy is the only one I've seen to call him 'Obi' when he says 'Hello There'- amazing. 'Nonono it's not a shack, look at that entrance!' But, Scar, you just said- ...OK- 'this is my shack' OK, Scar I'm confused. Is it or isn't it a shack? Ofc he cut out the arson threats and allegations smh /lh 'until next time, we'll see you later, and don't forget to subscribe because you may just become. SCARRRRED FOR LIFE!' ...yes I've memorized his outro-"

Martyn: "Wait OK before we start- are we sure that punching Jimmy didn't just, like, transfer the canary's curse? /lh like it could also be that he won last series and now he's the 'wet cat' of the first episode like I saw in another post, but like, what if?? I guess we'll see, huh? The awkward 'goodbye' and then walking the same way lmaooo 💀 Lizzie and Gem: 'WE HAVE TO GET TO THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS!' Martyn: 'uhhhhh anyways so-' what am I gonna get? Well uhhh probably one of the life hoodies, but I'll probably have to convince my mom to get it as a Christmas gift cuz I already spent a lot in the last month cuz I have no self control- but yeah probably the balloon hearts hoodie or the drippy hearts one. Love those. 'Ofc no wearing helmets' Scar, who has a helmet: 'Hi, Martyn!' 'oh mY GOd you scared me-' Payback for the jumpscare to Grian last series /lh /hj 'friends?' 'friends?' 'friends?' 'Helloooooo!' 'Martyn!' Idk why but that interaction made me exhale like- just imagine shouting through the walls in a cave to your friends irl. Omg now I'm imagining it with the reverb- 'you couldn't spare a heart, could you?' gives off the vibes of 'please sir, could I have some more?' Oliver Twist who? /lhj Bdubs and his chainmail lol 'THERE'S A SPAWNER?!' yeah...he's definitely having a rough first session- o7 'what is happening out there-?' I'd like to know too, Martyn, unfortunately I haven't watched their POVs yet. Also Etho saying 'BDUBS RUN! HIDE!' I- I'm normal about c!Ethubs I promise- 'YOU GOT HORSE ARMOR?!' ofc the local horsegirl /lhhj would ask about that lol- NOT ETHO TURNING INTO CANADIAN DAVID ATTENBOROUGH AND NARRATING HIS, MARTYN'S, AND BDUBS' ADVENTURES THROUGH THE CAVE- I- 💀 'this could go viral' true, Bdubs lol. BDUBS' MIC CUTTING OUT I'M CRYING- Gem's reaction of 'a what?!' and Scott's response of 'we just don't have a healer' is just perfect lol. Love that. WE'RE PLAYING THE MARTYN GETS NERFED MOD! TODAY WE CODED IT SO ALL THE MOBS ATTACK MARTYN AND ONLY MARTYN! that's the vibes Scott's comment gave me lol- 12 HEARTS?!? MARTYN!! OMG BE MORE CAREFUL!!! This Martyn nerf hitting hard- 'this could be really bad if I get poisoned-' YES IT COULD, MARTYN, YOU'RE ALREADY AT 12 HEARTS- IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO BE THE FIRST TO YELLOW- /lh bro Martyn being risky is making my anxiety go 📈📈📈📈📈 BE MORE CAREFUL, MARTYN, PLS- I BEG OF U- MARTYN GOING TO THE NETHER- 📈📈📈 MARTYN THERE ARE GHASTS- PLEASE- I- AAAAAAAAAAAAA! MARTYNNNN! OMG! IS HE ALWAYS THIS RISKY, USUAL MARTYN VIEWERS?! CUZ IF SO IDT I'M GONNA SURVIVE BINGING ALL THE LIFE SERIES- 'ughhh I swear, dude, I swear, I'm gonna cry!!!' I AM TOO, PLEASE STOP GETTING INTO DANGER, MARTYN- Martyn saying damnit is me the whole time he's out risking his hearts. My heart can't take this kind of pressure, Martyn please stop being so riskyyyy- 😭 nINE HEARTS- MARTYN!!!! Istg I'm not surviving this episode- my heart is just- 📈📈📈📈📈📈📈 his pICKAXE BROKE?! OH YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! 'OH MY GOD, THE SUN!' I'M HAPPY TOO, HOPEFULLY HE DOESN'T LOSE TOO MANY MORE HEARTS. 'I've been to the nether and everything!' Yeah, imma be honest, I don't get that one. Like, didn't you write a song lITERALLY CALLED 'Screw The Nether' with friends????! /lh Lizzie's 'oh wow' 💀 fIVE AND A HALF HEARTS!! MARTYNNNN!!! OMG! 📈📈📈 NOT THE DROWNED- 😭 LEAVE HIM ALONE, BRUH, HE JUST TRYNA SURVIVE- Martyn panicking- same, bestie- Lizzie just like 'oh you stole my bed? Didn't notice' 💀 #1 way to tempt a horsegirl: offer something to protect his horse /lhj Cleo's laugh lol- infectious. MARTYN ZOOMING IN AND JIMMY JUST BRINGING BACK SCAR'S CAMEL IN THE BACKGROUND I CAN'T-"

OK I'm posting this and I'll rb for the other POVs, but Cleo's next.

So let's see, next rb is probably gonna be Cleo, Gem, Tango, Scott, Bdubs, and Pearl.

Third rb is probably gonna be Etho, Joel, Lizzie, Impulse, and BigB.

3 maybe 4 rb max.

[heehoothefool]

Alright just watched Grian's 1st episode of the new Life series, spoilers beneath the cut of course

Alright first of all Grian you can NOT just put the Watcher symbol on the fucking Secret Keeper statue like that and expect anyone to ever be normal ever again ever actually. I'm going to go insane.

The tasks gimmick is wonderful and I love how just blatantly strange it makes everyone behave this is silly.

No regen but 30 hearts per life is an interesting new take and I'm curious to see how that affects series length, if it does at all.

Grian and Scar really cannot leave the fucking desert, huh? Grian got on Scar's camel and the first thing they did was go to a mesa biome next to a desert. I swear they're going to make me ill.

Grian going to Mumbo as his first person to make bad jokes around was a horrible decision Mumbo will not only laugh at literally everything but he will also join in, even if bad puns hadn't been his task he would've started it. Also trying with Scar was an even worse idea because he laughs at everything.

Only Scar can fuck up the whole secret thing that fast actually gods bless him.

Cannot wait to see how Gem fairs in this series actually I'm very excited about having her here.

Also can't wait to see who Grian allies himself with this season, if anyone. I think with this dynamic and the heavy lore I'd really like to see him pair up with Martyn, but I feel like that's unlikely.

Overall I'm VERY excited for this series and will probably pick up a few more POVs to watch as well.

[geminitay-quotes]

Secret Life SMP Ep. 7

I wanted to talk about this episode a bit, because omg that was a ride (please note I've only watched Gem's ep rn!!)

(also I swear I will continue this blog, just probably sporadically. December is an extremely busy time for me, but I haven't forgotten about this! Feel free to send stuff in <3)

First of all, as I'm sure people have pointed out, Gem was yellow at the beginning of this. She would have lost nothing by clicking fail at the start, but instead she chose to go through with the task, which resulted in her killing most of the server, and losing a life. Because of course she would! The task was given to Geminislay of all people for a reason, and the one episode she had in limited life she didn't get the boogey curse, everyone else was in either LiL or LL and was boogeyman at least once. Seems fitting that Gem would be the one to get the boogey task.

And that leads into my next point, lore wise? It makes perfect sense that Gem would choose to attempt her monstrosity of a task, because what does the boogeyman curse traditionally do? It gives you immense bloodlust, and the only way to cure it is by killing! While the stakes were less this time than in seasons previous, Gem was definitely affected by the bloodlust, and according to the task book it wasn't going to stop until the entire server was dead. The girl is bloodthirsty enough normally, it makes sense for her to be more susceptible to boogey/red life bloodlust.

And she was relentless. She lost ~20 hearts trying to just kill Scar, and ended up killing Bdubs, Impulse, and Pearl in the process. They chased Tango for ages. She was advocating for burning all of Cleo's dogs so they didn't attack them, she sat back and laughed during Joel's zombie apocalypse. When she and Joel went into the castle taunting the greens, she said, "Do you miss your dogs, Cleo?" which is such a low blow. This was a side of Gem that I've rarely seen, and that's after about 4 years of watching every single video she posts. She was genuinely a bit terrifying, it was amazing.

Her red life skin slays btw <3

This episode was absolutely amazing, I massively enjoyed watching my favourite girl rampage. She might've failed the task but she won in my heart <3

[captainobviois]

Incredible. Thank you for enabling me

If there’s a * then I do take and encourage criticism.

Assuming third life everyone is level 1, last life they level up to 2, and so on.

Scar is a lvl 1 Bard in 3rd life. This man talked his way in and out of everything. He abused the friends cantrip. He took the charlatan background and ran with it. Last life he became a lvl 2 bard. You may think, oh but he was a wizard - wrong. Charlatan. He’s still a bard. All his spells are in schools of enchantment and illusion (I don’t have the book with me atm or the bard spell list memorized so don’t come for me). Double life Scar took one level into ranger. He got the Jellie pandas as familiars. Limited life Scar took his 2nd level in ranger with the Archery fighting style - HotGuy. Self explanatory. In secret life he took his 3rd level into bard and college of whispers as his subclass. Secrets used against others, deception, on no one’s side? You see what I’m going for here.

TLDR: Scar lvl 3 Bard (College of Whispers), lvl 2 Ranger; Charlatan

Grian. He is a Paladin. I’m so normal about this. No oath until level 3, but paladins prepare for them until then. But for flavor, his oath is to Scar. After he kills him accidentally, swearing fealty and his first life - that’s so Paladin oath coded. I’m so normal about this. Paladin Grian with a haunted one background because of the watchers. last life he takes a second level into paladin as well. Yall might think he doesn’t fit the paladin build but you can easily do a dex based paladin with the weapon proficiencies for finesse. Level two he took the blind fighting style, which gives him extra sight abilities. Watcher stuff. You see it right? Double life he takes third level and becomes an oath breaker. He cheats on Scar, he went against him in last life. He killed him at the end of 3rd life. He’s got no oath. He had the option to turn back to his potential for an oath of devotion, but no. Limited life he takes another paladin level*. Secret life he takes one level into rogue*. The trickery and deception and the whole theme of it fits.

TLDR: Grian lvl 4 Paladin (Oath Breaker), lvl 1 Rogue; Haunted One

Scott is a Druid. Flower husbands, my beloved. He has an acolyte background*. Lvl 1 in druid in 3rd life and lvl 2 in druid for last Life. Which subclass? Circle of the stars. It's perfect for him. Double Life he goes another level into druid. I'm seeing all the elemental magic here with the powdered snow damage to get to Pearl. In Limited Life, he takes a level into cleric in the life domain (haha). He will also do a second level into cleric for secret life. Why? In both he sacrificed himself to give allies time/health. The cleric just fits, especially life domain (you could convince me of death domain maybe).

TLDR: Scott lvl 3 Druid (Circle of Stars), lvl 2 Cleric (Life Domain) ; Acolyte

This may be cruel but I just feel like Jimmy never gets past level 1 because of the canary curse. I'm tempted to say he is also a Haunted One for background because of the curse, but he doesn't have the right personality for it*. He's a lvl 1 wild magic sorcerer and is just so so unlucky. Dying to things that are out of his control and traps not meant for him, terrible rolls for lives in last life, bad luck with meeting his soulmate through death in double Life. The wild magic table is being so cruel to him. The thing that changes, is he actually goes to lvl 2 for Secret life, because the canary curse gets broken.

TLDR: Jimmy lvl 2 Sorcerer (Wild Magic); Haunted One

Ren is a lvl 1 barbarian in 3rd life. Going red being an allegory for entering his rage. I'm obsessed with Barbarian Ren with the Noble background. In last life he took another level into Barbarian. Danger sense and reckless attack are just great for so many people in last life. In double life he takes his third level into barbarian with the beast path.

TLDR: Ren lvl 3 Barbarian (Beast Path); Noble

Martyn - I want to make Martyn a paladin for third life, but alas, he is a fighter. lvl 1 fighter with the Knight background in 3rd life. He's still a fighter in last life and double life. It's the easiest class to get the hang of, good for someone bad at math. In his 3rd level he takes the Samuri subclass, it just fits him being kinda a weeb and all. limited life is where it gets interesting. He multiclasses into warlock with the Great Old One as his patron - for either the Watchers or the Listeners. He continues with that into secret life, which I personally think the Watchers as the patron is more fun for.

TLDR: Martyn lvl 3 Fighter (Samuri), lvl 2 Warlock (The Great Old One); Knight

I have thoughts about all the other players too this is just all I can write out during my lunch break. I will be back

Would anyone want to hear my opinions on dnd classes for life series players?

[septembersghost]

I genuinely adore their relationship to be honest. Like can you imagine after having a heavy public life like Taylor but then you have one person that is extremely.........normal. You wrote a poem about me? You're a genius. You love me? Already knew that. They think you're a man eating evil witch? Doesn't matter. Wanna drink beer with me? Like her confidence while saying all you wanted was sweet nothing, my baby loves me like I'm brand new,you and me forevermore is sooo beautiful. I want that oneday

same. 💗 can i say something unbelievably soft and sappy from my little hopeless romantic heart that i've been thinking about at length since midnights was released?

their relationship is one of the most beautiful love stories, and lives in a very unique sphere because of the type of person and songwriter taylor is. i cannot think of another real love that has been charted across multiple works from an artist and told to the audience in such a vulnerably honest, touching way. she's let us hear that. she's let us in on those moments she's chosen to share, and every piece fits into this tapestry she's woven of how her life has blossomed with him. she's shared some very tough moments about how damaged she felt and how she maybe didn't even know how to let a gentle, genuine person into her life, how to accept that love, and she's exposed a couple of times where she thought she'd nearly lost it, only to be met with compassion. it doesn't mean he's perfect, he's a human being, she's a human being, they both mess up and make mistakes and have fights, but the foundation they've created is so solid and the love they prioritize is precious and true. they've worked together to make that last. it doesn't require a certificate to make it true, it doesn't need outside approval - and the not needing that is part of why she's been able to openly share with us, i think. taylor has always been a heart-on-her-sleeve girl, it's part of why we love her and feel empathy for her, and her writing about him has this irrepressible trust and softness and confidence in it that's gorgeous (ding!) to hear her express.

i cannot fathom what it would be like to live with the weight and scrutiny of her life, the cruelty and mistreatment she's endured from many sides. she is remarkably resilient, and yet still says she's "too soft for all of it," and tbh that makes me admire it even more. she hasn't lost her softness and her authenticity even though she's had to fortify herself. when she said, "i want to still have a sharp pen, and a thin skin, and an open heart," she has absolutely kept that. i'm so glad that through the tumult and hurt and noise, they found one another, and she has someone who supports her and loves her as the woman she is, in such a normal way, which is the sweetest thing someone whose life is otherwise quite abnormal could find.

i feel like we haven't talked enough about the connection between "midnights" as a title, and when she wrote, "i want your midnights" on new year's day, which is all about the exhale, the simple moments together.

i stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes. with every guitar string scar on my hand, i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover, my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue, all's well that ends well to end up with you. barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginnings that became my religion. i once believed love would be burning red, but it's golden. one single thread of gold led me to you. all these people think love's for show, but i would die for you in secret. we live in peace, but if someone comes at us, this time i'm ready. when i was shipwrecked, i thought of you, in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you, it was real enough to get me through, but i swear, you were there. everyone's up to something, i find myself runnin' home to your sweet nothings; outside, they're push and shovin', you're in the kitchen hummin', all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing. you knew the entire time.

everyone deserves a love like that, and it's been so beautiful hearing about it and seeing her shine within it.

[bakubro0]

Eng!Version of "Complete me - Shigaraki" from an anon ask. The PT-BR version is right here.

Complete me - Shigaraki

pairing: shigaraki tomura x reader warnings/tags: not sfw, minors dni, degradation, swearing, sub/dom, unprotected sex, cream pie, oral (f. reciving), slight exibicionism

The reflection in the large mirror in the living room caught your attention.

Shigaraki's long, pale hair shines in the yellow light. Sometimes you looked like yin and yang itself - but not in the way most people might think or expect. You completed each other divinely.

Your hands ran over Shigaraki's back, delicate fingertips against the bones of his spine to the shoulder blades, wandering in the beginnings of his strong shoulders. In response to your touch, his pale skin prickled and he lifted a hand, covered by one of those dark gloves that covered two of his fingers, brushing back white pale hair to give you access to his thick skin, covered in scars.

And that's how you made each other complete - with your soft touch, full of reverence and care for the brutal and reckless way of his being.

“What are you looking at there?” Shigaraki asked hoarsely, the harsh tone fading when he spoke to you.

“Nothing” you reply and kiss his shoulders. “You look tired. Had a rough day?”

His red eyes strayed from the mirror and he let out an annoyed sound.

"Those damn heroes," Shigaraki grumbled. “Always on my fucking way like worms…”

“No need to think about it now” you whisper.

Shigaraki turns to you, dark eyes measuring your face. Of course he doesn't need to think about that - you're right in front of him, your expression sweet, ready to satisfy whatever he wants.

‘Cause that's how you complete each other.

“I've had a pretty stressful day,” he says once more, leaning even closer, ending the distance. “I hope you don't mind if I use you to relax a bit”

You shake your head as you feel a shiver run down your legs. One of his hands travels down your body, slowly, taking advantage of every curve - from your hips, waist, ribs and breasts - to your neck.

Shigaraki is grateful for a few things, but being able to touch you is definitely one of them. He loves the feel of your skin against his callused and scarred hands - how he can destroy anything with those hands, but you trust your life on them. He loves the way you sigh as you feel his fingers that aren't covered by the gloves wrap around one of your nipples, squeezing the sensitive tip between his thumb and forefinger.

He melts at the sound of your low moan and the way you let your head fall back, your mouth opening slightly, letting his name escape.

“Say it again” he commands, a cocky smirk on his face.

“Shigaraki” you repeat the name that sounds like candy in your mouth. “Please…”

“Please what?” he questions. His hands in no hurry to leave your breasts and go up to your face. His thumb circles your bottom lip and he smiles when you open your mouth a little wider, hoping he'll let you suck on the fingers that are there. “You really a cheap slut, aren't ya? Offering yourself like this..”

You agree, eager for any contact from his hands. He smiles, so cruel and so delighted with the way you are. How you surrender completely.

And he gives you exactly what you ask for, lets his fingers be wrapped around your tongue, settling into your mouth, remembering for the thousandth time what your mouth feels like on his body. And suddenly he can't wait any longer. His free hand goes to your neck, closing around it, pushing you against the wall.

Shigaraki's fingers leave your mouth as he replaces them with his own tongue, so much desire it's almost a clumsy kiss. Dry lips are rough against your soft ones, but you like it.

When his tongue invades your mouth and curls against yours, the sensation is too good to process. Feeling his hands pulling your clothes, ripping out the thin dress you wore, tossing it anywhere and opening the door with violence, you're still too distracted by the kiss to question what he's doing.

Shigaraki's hands gripped your legs and you just took a slight leap, wrapping your legs around his hips. He immediately crossed the distance to the room's exit, but seemed to change his mind halfway through. Shigaraki leans him at the long league of villains conference table.

He lays you there, almost completely naked, exposed to him.

“You have to lock the door!” you protest when the heavy hands reach your panties.

Shigaraki raises an eyebrow. It's the only sign he does before tearing the thin fabric between his thick fingers. Your eyes widened and he let a cruel smile escape before he lowered his face towards your body.

You try to protest once more, your mouth even opens with words on the tip of your tongue to try to convince him to close and lock the door, but all that is lost when his tongue licks a slow, precise way through your legs - from your soaking hole to the swollen clit.

A soft moan escapes your mouth, legs trembling with the sensation.

"Ah," he exclaims, almost a laugh as he sucks on your clit. “Are you moaning like that for everyone out the room hear what a slut you are?”

Your head swings from side to side, but it's impossible to form words as he continues to suck on you like he's starving. Two fingers are easily pushed inside and the movements are slow, teasing and leaving you on the verge of an orgasm that he denies, pulling his face away from you, licking his own lips, enjoying your taste.

“What did you say about closing the door?” he mocks and lets his own thumb replace the work his mouth was doing before, circular movements on your little clit. “Something about closing…?”

“Y-yes” you try to say, sobs of pure pleasure at the constant movement of his fingers against the most sensitive spot inside you.

"Doesn't look convincing," he rambled and leaned his body to press his mouth against your breast, sucking unceremoniously. The sensation combined with the constant stimulation in your clit made your back arch, that almost heavy, warm feeling on your core growing stronger, covering you entirely like a wave. “You want everyone out there to hear how you moan when you come in my fingers, don't you?”

In response, feeling the way he rubs his thumb against the sensitive spot between your legs, you shiver a few times. Your orgasm is getting closer and closer when Shigaraki pushes his pants down and his fingers leave you for just a few seconds.

Before you can even protest that he's stopped, he thrusts his length inside you, making your orgasm hit you flawlessly. You try to contain your moans, but he doesn't stop. The uncovered fingers are again against your clit, circular and perfect movements as his hips crash into yours, fucking you so hard that it doesn't take long for you to feel another orgasm approaching.

It's too much, you wanna say. But it's not, it's never too much of him. The way he pulls your body close or the calloused hands squeeze you so hard they're sure will leave marks, none of that is never enough.

White flashes start to show in your vision when all you feel is Shigaraki. All around you, above you, inside you— grasping your legs and pulling them to his shoulders and reaching deeper and deeper.

"P-please," you say, choking on a moan, trying to take a deep breath and not cry out in pleasure, but it's getting harder and that seems to be exactly his goal. "G-gonna come again."

“What are you waiting for, hm? A whore like you who likes to be fucked for everyone to hear should be satisfied now” he teases, but the movement of his hips is getting more precise and deeper. “I want you to come on my cock. That's what you're going to do, isn't it?”

“Y-yes sir” you cry and pull him in for a kiss. It’s a sloppy one, far from the best it could be. But it's perfect in the way he grips your body and pushes his own length deeper, harder, making you come a second time, your eyes rolling and your fingertips, normally so careful, burying against Shigaraki's back.

He feels the way you whimper beneath him, how your walls are clamping on his cock while you're almost convulsing from feeling so much pleasure; that made a heavy growl leave his mouth and he held onto your neck tightly.

And you know he's also close ‘cause you know him like the back of your hand.

“I'm going to ruin that pretty little pussy you have” he growls before rolling or hips again, making you moan louder. “And you're going to walk out that door and greet everyone outside while my cum runs down your legs. You’ll do it, won't you?”

Your eyes are rolling as he talks. It's no secret that Shigaraki is a pervert and it always makes you feel turned on, more and more. Seeing you shyly nod, your cheeks turning red at the thought, he smiles.

"Exactly like the slut you are," he says before he comes, a husky growl escaping his lips as you can feel his cock throbbing inside you.

It only took a few seconds and he takes a deep breath, the smile spreading across his face. Shigaraki pulls something out of his pants pocket, which he still wore.

A pink pantie.

"Where do you…" you started to say but stopped when he pulled his own pants up and hiked the panties up your legs, fitting them with ease to your body.

He raised an eyebrow and when he smiled at you, your face was completely red.

-Put on your dress and go say hello to our allies, dear.

[gayacademicwriter]

a snippet | some of us are villains for a reason | hero x villain

trigger warnings: slit throat, blood, knives, death

The hero held their hands out, as if they expected the villain to take them back, as if they expected tonight to be a normal evening;

as if the villain hadn't just discovered the thousands upon thousands of messages about how the whole thing was a mission. Their heart was a milestone. Their body was another. And their secrets were the last. The hero had wormed their way into the villain's life, pretending like they had changed, pretending like the villain was God, pretending like they loved them, fishing for information.

The worst part that it had worked.

The villain had fallen for the sweet and honeyed lies, the syrup that attracts the ant and then drowns it. The hero hiccuped and swallowed audibly—anything was audible in the small room.

The hero's very quiet, "I'm sorry," for example.

"What for?" The villain felt laughter bubbling up to the surface, the sort that came out when they couldn't take it anymore, the kind that came out sounding like the clink of glass shards against each other. Despite it all—text messages, the hero's face, the crestfallen expression (was it a lie?)—the villain was laughing. The walls that had been so carefully deconstructed flew up in a fraction of a second, twice as strong, thrice as high.

"Everything," the hero answered shakily. "I wanted to tell you. So bad."

"How do I even know that's true?"

The hero swallowed again.

"I guess you don't."

I wanted to, I swear, it was eating me up inside, I wish I could have, they have me wired, in my skin, they would have killed me welled up in the hero's mouth and they couldn't say it. Fear made their lips dry and their tongue swollen.

Well, now they're going to kill me anyways, they thought miserably, feeling the wire beneath their skin hum and vibrate, transmitting every second of conversation.

"They have me wired," the hero whispered, rolling their sleeves up. "They cut me open to do it."

"I don't believe you," and the laughter was back. The villain snorted as it died down, trying to rouse the coping mechanism again as the familiar pang of nothing after betrayal started to hit. Another knife in the back, they thought. Another scar to put with the others.

"I wanted to say something but they would have heard me. They would have killed me."

"So why are you telling me now? Couldn't bear to be caught? Couldn't bear to end the mission when it wasn't on your own terms?" The villain spat out the word mission like it was poison, spinning on their heel, turning their back.

"Because I'm going to die anyways," the hero said. "You figured it out. And I'm not killing you for it."

The hero paused. Someone pressed something up to their neck. It was always going to end this way, they thought; there really had been no other choice.

"Which means you die for it, hero? The agency never kills one of their own."

"Wrong," a different voice answered them. "The agency kills the ones that are weak."

The villain whipped around but was only fast enough to see the knife cut through skin and muscle and blood and holy shit the blood there was so much of it the hero was gurgling now like they were choking on it and oh god they were dying and the villain had thought they were lying—

"They served their purpose but couldn't fulfill what they had been mandated to do. That, villain, is weakness. Weakness will never defeat the likes of you." The shadow at the door spat out the word villain like it was poison. The villain was frozen, like someone had locked all their bones; it took them a moment until they processed enough to run to the hero, fall to their knees, pray that they were still alive—

"I told you I would die," the hero grinned, their words half-coughs. "But you're not. Dead, that is. Which is good."

"Please," the villain whispered. "If you wired their body you can save them too—"

"The weak never deserve mercy," the shadow at the door intoned. "And neither do senseless villains."

The door opened and shut. The hero's blood was still gushing out all over their clothes.

The hero took one more breath.

The villain held them close to their chest.

Some of us are villains for a reason.

[boxofbadaddiction]

Careless

Fred Weasley x Reader

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Prompts: 13, 19 & 23

"I'm so happy and not at all jealous."/"We had a deep and meaningful relationship/What was their last name?"/"I thought it mattered what I said or when I said it. Then I realised, all that matters is that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be."

Warnings: Swearing. War Scene - blood & injury. Angsty.

Y/n was trouble with a capital T. She was daring, confident, snarky and a massive Quidditch fan. In other words; she were Fred Weasleys perfect woman.

But it's not what you think, they were just friends. Chaotic, hell raising, perfect-for-each-other friends.

With the Twins and y/n around Hogwarts it were remarkable the Castle were still standing. But not for their lack of trying. After an especially careless prank, which left the Gryffindor Common Room with a new window, it's safe to say the threesome were there for one another through thick and thin.

Pranks however, weren't the only area in which Y/n, and Fred for that matter, were careless.

Both had the tendency to be rather frivolous in romantic relationships. It seemed like every other week the pair had a new partner on their arm. George liked to joke that, of all the people left in their age group, the only people they hadn't 'had a round' with were each other. The rumours, jokes or insults to character never bothered them though. They were young and weren't looking for anything serious - so what's the harm in having a little fun? That was y/ns reasoning anyway. It had been Freds as well...in the beginning. Until he were struck with a rather bracing realisation.

The reason why he rushed so fast into new relationships without a care wasn't so much 'for the fun of it' or genuine interest in the other, but denial. He were running and burying his head in the sand, or rather the bedsheets - as it were, to distract himself from the very chilling reality that he was desperately, hopelessly and unequivocally in love with his best friend. With y/n.

So after that particularly bitter pill to swallow, Fred's relations became a means to an end. A means of getting over her. Of finding someone to replace her.

It never worked, of course, because no other girl was her. No one made him laugh or smile like her. Nor did anyone get his heart racing like she did.

He did everything he could to bury his feelings; under piles of work, copious amounts of alcohol and an abundance of meaningless sex, and it genuinely seemed to be working...until the War came.

That walk into the Great Hall after the initial Battle is one Fred would never forget.

The smell; of death and destruction. The way his body ached and longed to rest.

Slowly limping through the destroyed arched doorway, accompanied by Percy - who's shoulders he'd drapped an arm across seeking support. They were talking with one another, throwing around light-hearted brotherly insults here and there, which helped keep Freds mind off the immense pain surging through his leg at the time, small smiles adorning their faces.

That's when they heard it.

A blood curdling scream. One of pure agony.

Their eyes shot directly to the source, on the far side of the room - where all the Weasleys were gathered around a body. A girls.

Arthur was holding tight onto Molly as she sobbed uncontrollably. Ron stood on the outskirts pale and afraid, while Bill and Charlie had a hold of Ginny in attempt to shield her. Fred's gaze flickered to where he saw George had knelt beside the body.

He was gripping one of her hands as his other tried desperately to keep her still on the floor while she writhed and cried out in pain.

She were covered in blood as Madam Pomfrey worked frantically to mend the severe wounds in her abdomen, where shards of debris protruded from her flesh.

The cry had been caused from the extraction of a particularly large shard, of what Fred didn't know.

George was running a tender hand over y/ns head, gently stroking her hair and the sides of her face as he whispered soothing sounds and comforting words in her ear.

Fred didn't know how long he'd stood there, staring in shock, he'd felt petrified - numb to everything but the fear coursing through his veins. Till suddenly his feet were moving.

A first painful step, which nearly crippled him, was followed by an equally sore but determined second. Then a third, and before he knew it he was running. Sprinting as fast as he could regardless of the pain it inflicted, nothing could stop him from reaching her side.

Barging past friends and family members he collapsed on Georges otherside. Eyes raking the ever paling and blood covered woman laid before him. George was shaking as he looked to his brother with tear-filled eyes but Freds stare was unwavering.

Somehow mustering the strength he spoke the only words playing through his mind, "What can I do?" His eyes never left y/ns wound, above which Pomfreys hands hovered as she worked.

"Fred?" Y/n cried through deep breaths, her head turning to the side in an attempt to see him. "I'm here, Sweetheart." He placed a hand to her knee. Her eyes were screwed tight shut as she threw her head back against the hard, cold floor. Tears parted tracks through the thick dust and muck plastered to her cheeks as she clenched her jaw inhaling sharply as the next piece of debris was removed - a relatively small piece in comparison to the earlier one. George continued to soothe his friend as Pomfrey instructed Fred on what to do.

They wished everything had gotten better from there. That after they successfully removed all the debris and stopped the blood from further pouring from her body that she'd been able to recover simply. But news only seemed to get worse once they reached St Mungo's.

She'd fallen into a coma. Y/n had suffered severe internal injuries and the Healers never held out much hope that she'd survive.

Y/n always was full of surprises.

She'd come out of her coma and began showing signs she could yet make a recovery. No one could have possibly anticipated the day healers would begin talk of rehab. They considered it a miracle she were even breathing.

Naturally the Twins were there every step of the way. Especially Fred. There were whole nights, even before she'd regained consciousness, where he'd spend every minute by her bedside. Nights he'd spend working tirelessly in the shops office to perfect ideas they'd concocted to help ease and enhance y/ns physical therapy. Inventions that worked so well Healers from all over were lining up to get their hands on, after seeing how successful y/ns recovery were as a direct result of their products. Hell, most days you couldn't even tell she'd been through a war - her scars the only physical reminder, to the untrained eye.

There were no doubt left in Freds body after that. He loved her with every part of his soul and that was never going to change, and so his involvement in the dating scene became virtually non-existent.

Y/ns on the other hand...well some things don’t change.

She was given a second chance and wasn't about to waste it worrying about what 'could' have happened. Life were too short for that. She did, however, start keeping an eye out for 'Mr/Mrs Right' during her rendezvous'.

Fred tried his hardest to be supportive. Opting rather to love her from the sidelines than risk hurting their relationship by getting his hands dirty and playing the game. After Y/ns most recent conquest however his happy facade may officially be waning.

It was just past sunset in Diagon Alley and so Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, much like all the other stores, were going through their nightly closing routine.

Fred was working through the registers whilst, much to his dismay, George were left to the Twins least favourite chore - cleaning and restocking the store.

That's when the front door burst open.

"Evening, Boys!" Y/n announced happily as she strode into the store. "Fred! I told you to lock the door, lest the riff-raff barge in!" George called jokingly over the railing of the second floor. Fred couldn't help but smile, not looking up from the task at hand "My mistake!". Y/n scowled up at George as she hopped onto the front desk, "Like that could keep me out." Leaning over the counter top she placed a kiss to Freds cheek, "Heya Freddie". He looked to her, instantly finding himself on cloud nine, and leant casually onto the counter to speak with her. "Hey, Lovely. How was your day?" "Oh, I am so glad you asked!" Y/n said beaming as she clapped her palms against her knees, kicking one leg atop the other. "It was fantastic!" "Do tell." George spoke, decending the stair case, "What's 'fantastic's name?" He goaded.

Y/n glared at him playfully, "Think you have me all worked out do you?" "You know we do." Fred interjects. "Can read you like a book, Darling. You've got not secrets from us"

"Especially after our little incident during rehab, when I had to help you in the shower." George added with a teasing brow, this causing y/n to scrunch her nose. "Okay, George, that's talking about it when we agreed never to talk about it!" The Twins laughed at her embarrassed expression. "Anyway, 'fantastic's name is Mason."

Fred swallowed thickly at the news of, yet another, romantic partner but still he suppressed his distaste as he normally would.

The next 30 minutes or so were spent listening to y/ns retelling of how she met, Mason. About how great they made her feel. Fred couldn't help but envy the way the mere thought of them had y/n biting her lip in attempt to suppress a giddy smile. He'd give anything for her to look that way while thinking about him.

Fred had been quiet through most of the conversation, untrusting of his own voice not to give away his utter disdain at the news. Still he smiled when he should and convincingly feigned interested as she spoke. It wasn't until she began talking about her date, tonight, with them that he finally spared himself the heartache and stopped listening.

Later that evening, Fred was trying hard to keep himself occupied with thoughts on anything but the date the love of his life currently found herself on. As George and he just finished their own meal he'd taken to determinately cleaning the dishes piled within their sink - whilst George dried, a small habit the two fell into thanks to years of Molly putting the pair on dish duty after meals.

Unknowingly to Fred, he'd been uncharacteristically quiet for the whole evening. Something his brother had not failed to notice. "So..." he began breaking the long running silence of the night, "y/n seems pretty bent on this new bloke doesn't she?" "Mmm" "Never know this one may even last" George let out a breathy laugh as he prodded Fred's shoulder with his elbow, watching carefully for his reaction.

George wasn't stupid. He knew exactly how Fred felt, well before the night of the battle.

Fred's eyebrows quirked, lips parting as he clicked his jaw, visibly unsettled by his Twins topic of discussion.

"You okay, Freddie?" "Yeah. No, they sound great. Absolutely perfect. He's bloody 'Mr Fantastic'" His voice was laced with attitude and sarcasm as he spoke.

Finishing washing the final glass Fred throws the dish sponge against the back wall of the sink harder than intended in his frustration. "Easy there mate, get you're not happy but don't take your jealousy out on the poor bloody sponge" George picks it up from where it'd landed, mockingly shielding it from his brother with an overly concerned expression. "What are you on about?" Fred sneered defensively, "I'm so happy and not at all jealous."

"Sure you are" George replied with a look which read 'really?' "Yeah no, I get it. I'd be fine too if the girl I fancied was out on a date with some other bloke." He shrugged nonchalantly as he walked back to the living room, lounging comfortably across their sofa.

Fred looked to his brother as if he'd grown another head. "Don't give me that look. We both know I know." George rolled his eyes. "Well then tell me, oh wise and all-knowing Brother" Fred bowed mockingly, "what would you do in my situation?" He walked over with an expectant brow, perching himself of the sofas opposite arm rest.

"Oh, I dunno...maybe confess to the poor girl." "You say that like it's the simplest thing in the world." "It is, Freddie." "No. No it's not, whatever this is it's not simple." "It won't get any easier if you don't try. Here look I'll help you" George sat up eagerly, leaning against the back of the couch. "You be you, I'll be- don't give me that look. I'll be y/n. Tell me what you'd say to her." "This is stupid" Fred rolled his eyes. "Don't be a prat, just...go. I won't judge." "Right, cause that sounds like you." "Fred-" George warned. "Fiiiine!" He groaned which only caused his brother to smile cockily, satisfied he finally got what he wants.

Fred looked at his brother who flicked his hair and batted his eyelashes dramatically. There's no way he can do this looking at him. Rolling his eyes again he looked away with a scoff, contemplating all the things he'd say to y/n if he had the courage to.

"Well?..." "I don't know. I don't know what'd I'd say to her or where to start, I've never thought about it." "Maybe it's time you start thinking about it Freddie." George clapped him on the leg as he stood from his place on the couch.

He were half way to his bedroom before stopping, having just faintly heard the words whispered after him...

"I love her, Georgie." George smiles sadly to himself, only just turning his head he murmurs a reply. "Tell her that."

---

The store was closed for the day and Fred had choose to have a rather uneventful night in, and so he sat on the end of the sofa reading the paper hoping for product inspiration to strike. George on the other hand were getting ready to go out for the night when came a rhythmic knock on the flat door. No need to ask who it were as they let themselves in, per usual.

"Hello, Boys" y/n bounded into the apartment, flopping casually onto their couch with her head in Freds lap.

He lifted the paper into one hand to better see her smiling face looking cheekily back up at him. His own fond and loving smile shown back. "Hey, Freddie" "Hey, Gorgeous." "HELLO, GEORGE?" She shouted listening intently for his response, "YEAH YEAH, Hello freeloader!" He yells back causing her smile to grow.

"You seem awfully happy, have a good day?" Fred asks as he begins to softly run his hands through y/ns hair out of a developed habit from all their late nights at Hogwarts. "Yeah it was good, just went out with Mason. We had a nice time but I'm just happy to be here with you losers." "Losers? How flattering" George calls from his bedroom. "Oh" at the mention of y/ns partner, Fred puts an end to his hands actions. Turning his attention pointedly back to the paper he'd been reading previously. "And how is 'Mr Fantastic'?" He sneers. "Yeah great...I think. I don't know, he sorta got carried away talking about work. Barely got a word in myself." Y/n chuckles fakely. Sensing her pent up reservations Fred can't help but resume his earlier actions, stroking her hair, but still his eyes stay on the page in front of him. Even if he can't seem to read a single word - too focused on the warmth y/ns body provides pressed against his. Wishing this were how he could spend every night, wrapped up on the couch with her in his arms.

"Alright, children!" George emerges from his bedroom, "I'm off. Don't destroy the place while I'm gone." "Oh that's right!" Y/n sits up excitedly to peer over the back of the sofa. "Tonights the big date" she rests her chin atop her arms as they fold over the backrest looking to George as he collects his wallet and keys. "That's right, Dearest." He ruffles her hair as he strides past to the door, "You're not the only one around here who goes out." He winks before leaving, a quick 'behave!' Called over his shoulder.

Y/n lays back down across Freds lap with a warm smile on her lips. "So...what do you wanna do tonight?"

---

Fred was quietly thankful for George being out of the apartment for the night, the quality time spent with y/n were more than he could possibly ask for. It felt like being back in school, when they'd sneak to the Lake or Astronomy tower past curfew.

They were currently sat on the lounge room floor; a bottle of firewiskey and several stolen sweets from George's stash, scattered in front of them.

"I can't believe you just called me a slag!" Fred shouts as y/n laughed loudly. "W-well it's true." She shrugged, speaking through poorly restrained giggles. "Need I remind you of your time spent with Alice?" "Hey! We had a deep, and meaningful relationship." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "What was her last name?" Freds mouth opened in retort before swiftly closing. Eyes blankly scanning the room in search of the answer before realising he didn't have one. He nodded and shrugged in acknowledgement. "Point taken. Not that you're one to judge" he chuckled, taking a swig from the bottle of whiskey before offering it to her. "Also true." Y/n accepted.

"When was the last time you waited until the third date?" "Honestly?" "No. Lie to me." Y/n rolled her eyes at his question. "Katie Bell." "Noooo...in 6th year?" "Yeah. Go on then, when was the last time you didn't just give it up?" "What, 'Honestly'?" "No. Lie to me." Fred threw an every flavour bean at her for the mockery. "Okay...Mr Fantastic." "Noooo..." "yeah." "I don't believe you." "What!? Why?" "Because you're whipped by the bloke! Surprised he even made it to a first date- OW! Hey, chocolate frogs are NOT for throwing!"

Neither were sure how this odd game of confessions began, perhaps somewhere around the half way mark on their bottle of Whiskey, but the embarrassing dirty little secrets they'd begun to reveal to one another had them both in hysterics as a result.

"So, why not?" "I dunno he just...hasn't got me feeling that way, ya know? Like, he's great, and we have a good time together - I guess. But it's not like this" she guestured between herself and Fred, who was listening intently. "I can't seem to relax and just be myself around him. He doesn't get me laughing till it hurts. Or make me feel safe and comfortable." Fred's lips parted slightly at her words, eyes dancing hopefully back and forth between hers which seemed to hold the same emotion his did in that moment. Was it possible she felt the same way?

"Or ya know, something less sappy." She chuckled, taking a drink from the Whiskey bottle and turning away from him. Whatever moment he'd felt was gone, and reality set in with the familiar bitter pill settling in his mouth which he refused to swallow.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the disappointment that began to creep in. Over her comparison, in wanting someone like him, but in the end, not him. Never him. A sharp breath left him before speaking, "Yeah, well, I ah- I have work in the morning so I'd best call it a night." He avoided eye contact as he stood from his spot on the floor, all joints painfully stiff from the lack of movement.

Y/n was shocked by his abrupt change in attitude. He were no longer smiling, and there was an edge to his voice which wasn't there moments ago.

"Woah, wait...what just happened here? I thought we were having a good time." "We were" y/n stood, taking a tentative step towards him "So, what changed?" "Nothing"

"Fred? Come on, sit back down...please?" She grabbed one of his hands holding it close to her chest as she pouted at him. For a second Fred caught himself smiling at her antics. But only for a second. He shook his head, pulling his hand back from hers and stressfully running it through his hair.

"I can't, love." "Can't what?" Her brows furrowed in confusion. "I just can't sit there and listen to you talk about us; me and him." He snapped looking away from her. "Why? What's that have t-"

"Because I'm fucking in love with you!" Fred shouted, turning back to y/n in anger. "I'm in love with you and sitting there listening to you talk about how I make you feel safe - and how you wish it were him - it's ripping my fucking heart out y/n! But I'm stuck. Because I can't move on but I can't have you. So I just sit here like an idiot, watching you jump from one relationship to another, waiting- hoping that you'll care. I keep hanging onto moments - like right there - thinking there may be the slightest chance you might feel the same way. But you don't. And I can't do it anymore...so don't ask me to."

"Fred-" "I think you should go." "No, Fred I-" "Please! Go."

Y/n stood in place, staring in shock as her body seemed reluctant to move. She were petrified - numb to everything, but the fear swimming within her blood. What would happen if she walked out that door. Would he ever let her back in, or was this it? What if she leaves and loses him forever - and he never knew...

She drew a shaking breath that seemed to give a modicum of control back over her body. Her eyes flickered over the expanse of the boys flat. It were always so cheerful and warm - so why did she feel so cold? Her body trembled as her feet began to move, each step more painful than the last.

As she opened the door every nerve screamed for her to turn back around. Her head turned to the side, mouth falling dry and lips parting to speak though no words came. But the tears did. Rolling sadly down her cheeks as the door sealed shut behind her.

She was gone.

Fred fell to the couch. Any strength that were holding him from the ground disappearing as she did. Slouched over his knees, elbows digging into his thighs whilst he ran his hands through his hair.

He let out a heavy breath, a small relief spreading in his chest from the weight that'd been lifted. But mostly all that came was pain and tears from the heartache he'd tried so hard to shield himself from for all these years.

There's no telling how long he sat there, furiously rubbing at his eyes as the tears refused to stop falling. Not till the familiar crack of apparation reached his ears could he fully hold himself high again. George couldn't see him like this, he wouldn't let him.

With the creaking of the front doors hinges Fred stood, clearing his throat and running a final hand across his puffy, tear stained cheeks. "You're back early, what'd happen you strike out?" He joked, turning only to be met with the equally teary eyes of y/n. Although hers held something else as well - anger. Fred felt cold. What was she doing back here?

"Where do you get the nerve?" She snapped. Freds expression screwed between a mixture of insult and confusion. "Don't you dare, for a second, think you know how I feel." "I do." "No. No you don't! Otherwise you would have realised that I fucking love you too!" "W-what?"

"You think you're the only one? That after all these years together; after all those nights in the Astronomy tower. After all those days you spent by my side as I laid dying in that hospital bed. After all your time spent healing me; that I haven't fallen in love with you?"

"Well...well WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!?" "WHY DIDN'T YOU!?"

Freds mouth was open but no words were coming. He let out a defeated breath, leaning against the back of the sofa as the weight of everything set in.

"...when?" "I don't know when I fell. Only when I realised. Guess that was the only good thing to come from that evil, pink bitch being around." Y/n chuckled sadly.

"THEN!? you knew then?" "After your first detention. I bandaged your hand and we spent the night together in the common room. You fell asleep in my lap, that's...that's when I knew."

This was all so overwhelming. So much for the quiet night in. Fred stared fixedly at a point on the side wall in thought, lightly shaking his head, unsure of exactly how he felt or what to do. This was everything he'd ever wanted to hear and that scared him a little bit.

"Look, I didn't say anything because you mean too much to me to ever risk jeopardising what we had and I- I could never find the words to..." Y/n swallowed thickly as all emotion caught in her throat. Taking his hand tightly in hers she tried to ground herself within the moment. The action turning Freds gaze back to hers.

"I thought it mattered what I said, or when I said it. Then I realised, all that matters is that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. I never want to lose that and if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. All you have to do is just tell me; what do you want?"

Fred watched as the tears welled within y/ns eyes the longer she spoke, he wondered how they ever managed to be so goddamn obliviously stupid, that neither realised.

A soft smile crept across his lips as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "All I've ever wanted...is you." Y/ns whole body relaxed at his words, head falling in relief. Looking back into his eyes she bit her lip to suppress a giddy, lovestruck, smile.

"You've always had me."

[secret-engima]

Ever since you mentioned Ace and Nox meeting I literally cannot stop thinking about it because Ace would just. Be so confused about Nox existing. (Also I'm just seeing Tredd or Luche introducing Nox to Ace's cooking)

OHHHH OH YES THAT. I’ve been meaning to do something with that *rolls up sleeves* HERE WE GO THEN:

IN CANON, Noctis has something of a …. Talent for either stumbling into other dimensions of meeting them (the hiso hiso and the miqo’te lady side quests, as well as Dissidia NT if you wanna count that which I DO) and Ace has something of a penchant for running to trouble because honestly the Astrals need entertainment from somewhere and apparently they don’t get cable or streaming in that blue Void of theirs. So the way I see it- either Nox accidentally goes to Ace’s universe for a few days, or Ace accidentally goes to Nox’s for a few days.

Because I love both ideas, I shall do both. This is gonna get Very Long™ (edit: It’s almost 3k words WHAT IN THE WORLD ME-).

Option One: In Which Nox Really Needs To Watch His Step More and Axis and Fem!Nyx Get Dragged Into Things.

-It starts when Nox trips. Seriously. That’s how it starts. Nox trips and Something Happens in the split second his best friend and his girlfriend/wife grab his arms to steady him and then- they’re falling. Like- seriously falling. Falling from 10+ stories up kinda falling and Axis is cursing the entire time Nyx grabs Axis and warps to the relative safety of one rooftop, expecting Nox to do the same. He does, but he misjudges the threshold of Impact Resistance that the roof he lands on holds (that or the Astrals are laughing at him again). It breaks under him and he topples down in a crash of magic and debris onto a slightly cushy landing of broken crates (hey better than concrete or solid ice) and … glass?

-Why are his clothes soaked with what looks but does not smell or feel like blood?

-He is just pondering this quandary (is this whiskey? It smells like whiskey did he just crash through the roof of a bar?) when the door to the storeroom in which he’s landed slams open and in rushes a very unhappy looking Galahdian with a very large knife and braids in a style he doesn’t recognize. The Galahdian stares at him with wide, vaguely disbelieving eyes, Nox barely refrains from summoning a knife of his own (he’s not a threat, he’s a Galahdian twice-over now and Axis insists that means no Galahdian in their right mind will try to hurt him without due provocation).

-(He really hopes accidentally falling through the ceiling and ruining who knows how much whiskey/wine/whatever doesn’t count as due provocation.)

-Thankfully, all the stranger does is slowly sheath his knife and look both exasperated and amused, “Care to explain what just happened?” He says and something inside Nox … jolts.

-Nox swears he hears the low whispers of thunder and magic in the man’s voice, buried as it is under a veil of humanity and normalcy. But surely that’s his imagination.

-Nox pries himself free of the rubble and ruined alcohol, inwardly mourning his no-doubt ruined clothes (they’d been so comfy too) and the stranger looks sympathetic as Nox futilely tries to wring a bit of the alcohol out of his sleeves as he answers, “I have … honestly no idea.” Because weird as his life is, even he usually doesn’t take a step forward, trip and somehow go from inside the Citadel to somewhere in the … he’s going to assume he’s in the Galahdian district because this is a bar with a Galahdian worker (owner?). The last time he blinked and went from one place to somewhere drastically different had been-.

-Dissidia. The Hiso Hiso.

-Astrals please no.

-Nox looks up and can hear the slight beg in his voice as he says, “Please tell me I’m still in Insomnia during the reign of King Regis Lucis Caelum.”

-The stranger’s eyebrows go up almost to his hairline (which is a fair reaction to his question) but answers, “….Yes?”

-Oh good. Now to figure out if he was in his Insomnia or some kind of parallel dimension because at this point he’s not very optimistic on his odds.

-He opens his mouth to make his excuses and get out of there when the stranger cuts him off with a bemused, “Need a new shirt? You can borrow one of mine.”

-He blinks, narrows his eyes in instinctive suspicion, “Why would you help me?”

-“You’re a kid,” points out the amused man, “and a Galahdian.”

-Nox refrains from pointing out that he’s nineteen and technically married, because a new shirt sounds nice and this is the one day he didn’t pack a spare outfit in his armiger. The man takes him to a different room of the definitely-a-bar and produces a spare shirt (short-sleeved unfortunately but Nox will take what he can get) from somewhere, which Nox takes gratefully. His pants are still a mess, but at least he doesn’t smell so strongly of whiskey. He’s thanks the man (who introduces himself simply as Ace) profusely and offers to try to pay for the damages (not like he can’t afford it with a prince’s allowance). Ace turns him down with a shake of his head, reaches out to lightly touch Nox’s elbow (the man hasn’t commented on the scars the t-shirt reveals, Nox is grateful for that too).

-The moment they make contact, the world turns blue and violet. Nox can feel the other man’s magic, pulsing under his skin like the tooth-shaking rumble of thunder and the flicker of lightning in the far distance, taste the ozone on his tongue and feel the jungle rains Nyx speaks of so fondly. Ace’s magic feels like the jungle and the wilds and yet also like the soft snows that settle over a battlefield after the bodies have cooled and Nox’s gaze snaps around in astonishment. He can’t stop himself from reaching out with his own magic in greeting-curiosity-shock toward this- this other Lucis Caelum (sibling? Is he in his home dimension or another’s? Is this man his brother or someone who was never born in Nox’s world?).

-(To Ace, the teen he’s just touched suddenly seems to burn like a star barely captured in flesh, his eyes glow red and Ace can taste blood on his tongue, feel it drip down his chest from the gaping sword wound he knows isn’t there. He can feel the teen’s magic, like crushing ocean depths and the broken, too-deep hush of old ruins. He can feel ash caking his skin like being back in the rubble of his home village. In the back of his mind he recoils, because soul is magic and magic is soul and this teenager’s is a blood-stained, centuries old battlefield).

-They both stare at each other for what feels like too long and not enough before Ace jerks his hand away like he’s been burned (maybe he has, Nox’s magic is still too much for his skin sometimes, still lashes out when he’s too startled to stop it). Ace cradles his hand and curls his magic so tight into his soul Nox can barely feel it (wouldn’t feel it if he didn’t already know it was there). “Well,” Ace manages after several more seconds of mutual staring, “I wasn’t … expecting that.”

-Nox blinks twice, feels realization settle in his bones, “You don’t want anyone else to know.” He can feel it in the way Ace is hiding himself, see it in the wary glint of silver eyes. He understands perfectly. He hid from Regis too for as long as he could.

-Ace laughs a little breathlessly, “You don’t?”

-Nox isn’t given a chance to answer, because that’s right when Nyx and Axis finally figure out where he is and how to get there without jumping through the hole he left in the bar roof.

-He can hear Axis flinging open the door to the bar and Nox is instantly grateful that it’s empty of everyone but him and Ace because his Shield almost bellows through the empty building, “Nox. Izunia. Lucis. Caelum. Arra. Ulric.” Nox hunches his shoulders, hears Ace sputter beside him in confusion at the ridiculous number of last names Axis used.

-“In here, Axis.”

-Axis and Nyx poke their heads in the back and Ace’s sputtering gets louder, then quiets as Axis storms over and slaps Nox across the back of his head and snarls, “What did you just do?”

-“Fell through the roof of a bar and made a new friend,” Nox snarks back past the sting in the back of his head, “Axis, Nyx, this is Ace, Ace, this is my friend and my wife, Axis Arra and Nyx Ulric.”

-Ace definitely makes a strangled, confused noise, silver eyes wide before he takes a deep breath, exhales slowly, and announces, “I’m getting everyone a drink. Go sit at the bar.”

-Ten minutes later, the bar’s sign reads “closed”, Ace has gotten everyone drinks and served up some kind of Galahdian dish too spicy to be healthy (but one Nox loves anyway, this guy is a great cook), and they’ve all concluded that Nox straight up tripped into a parallel dimension and dragged Axis and Nyx along with him. Because Ace is certain that he knows Axis Arra and Nyx Ulric and they should know him (he also gives Nyx several looks that are a mix of horrified, confused, and extremely amused, which Nox doesn’t get at all).

-Apparently, Ace is the result of Regis and a Galahdian woman having a night, no, he has not told anyone else, and yes, he really would like that to stay a secret. Nox has no qualms with that, Axis just smacks Nox over the head again because parallel dimension and Nyx stares maybe too intently at Ace’s braids.

-Because apparently braid meanings and symbols are a bit different in this dimension. Or something. And it’s confusing Nyx to no end.

-“So,” Axis sighs finally once his temper has been settled, “what do we do now?”

-Nox shrugs, “Don’t get killed, don’t make trouble, and wait for either one of our Astrals to come fix it or for it to wear off on its own. These things never usually last long.”

-Axis, Nyx, and Ace all stare at him before Nyx sighs into her hands, “Nox. Babe. Love of my life. Tell me you did not just imply that this is a normal thing for you.”

-“Well- I wouldn’t say normal but….” Axis turns to look Ace straight in the eye, without a word, Ace passes over something much stronger than before. Nox feels vaguely insulted. He’s not that bad is he?

-It takes three days and one very annoyed Shiva (apparently the Astrals of this universe barring Ramuh are jerks?) for the “Trip” to wear off, during which Nox, Axis, and Nyx all lie low at Ace’s place. And by “laying low” what Nox really means is stay well away from the Citadel and any potential Dad Confusion and get gawked at by the various glaives that visit Ace’s bar. There’s no hiding that Axis is from another dimension, though Nox takes care not to go by Lucis Caelum or Izunia around them, just Ulric (which, of course, gets him stared at even more than being an LC, though not as much as his Nyx gets stared at, because Nyx is a guy here and apparently seeing a female Nyx is breaking everyone’s brain. The Libertus of this world just about has a heart attack when he comes in and sees two Nyx’s of opposite sexes staring each other down with trouble-making grins).

-(Nox was the only one who didn’t choke on his drink when his Nyx cheerfully announced to all and sundry that her counterpart was hot and clearly anyone would be lucky to land a date with him. Axis dryly pointed out that it still counted as narcissism if you complemented your counterpart, Nyx just laughed and flopped onto Nox’s legs like she was queen and he was her throne, which made the male Nyx stare and Ace crack up laughing).

-Eventually though, the Trip wears off and they find themselves back in the Citadel with an adventure to tell and a bunch of Very Panicked Adults who want to know how they disappeared for a week and why (and a list of names to check because Nyx might never have met an Ace in her childhood, but that didn’t mean one might not exist and Nox is nothing but thorough about his family).

Option Two: In Which Ace Has A Very Strange Week

-Ace has gotten used to the fact that life (the Astrals) like to mess with him. It’s just- it’s a thing. It’s a thing he hates but there it is.

-But he’s still not used to the entire world glitching out around him like a video game, tripping on air and then landing not in his apartment where he was standing five seconds ago but on the marble floors of-

-The Citadel.

-Great.

-Ace scrambles to his feet, hoping against hope he can sneak out before whatever trouble is coming next can find him, only to hear someone order him to hold still and explain his arrival, look up and see-

-Nyx?

-No wait. This was a woman. A woman who could have been Nyx’s twin, but a woman.

-W h a t ?

-The woman appears to be of similar opinion, eyeing him in confusion before glancing at the other person in the room, “Friend of yours, Nox?”

-Magic swells over him as Ace turns to look at the “Nox” person and he has maybe five seconds to register the inhumanly old gaze and the angry claws of magic sinking into his skin before his own magic reacts against his will, shoves outward in a flicker of violet and ghostly royal arms. It’s not, creepily enough, enough to shake off the foreign magic, but it is enough to startle the Lucis Caelum he doesn’t recognize into backing down. Red eyes turn blue and blink at him while Ace struggles not to swear a blue streak at revealing himself in the Citadel, then the strange Lucis Caelum says, “Oh. You’re not from around here. Let me guess, the world glitched out, or you tripped on thin air, or something happened and now you’re not where you were a few seconds ago?”

-Ace decides he both does and doesn’t want to know how this guy knows that and stiffly nods. The teen (Nox? He was pretty sure this guy’s name was Nox) nodded back, looking far to calm for the situation, and turns to the Nyx look-alike, “Come on then. He can slum at your place until we sort this out.”

-The woman raises her eyebrows in a miffed expression that Ace … knows (oh no. Oh no-no-no this better not be what he thinks this is, his life is not a sci-fi show and this better not be that one episode those kinds of stupid dramas always throw in-), “I’m sorry, when did we agree on that?”

-“The alternative is to stand here and get caught and then explain to my father that no, he doesn’t actually have yet another illegitimate son running around. What’s your preference?”

-They go to the woman’s apartment.

-It’s Nyx’s apartment.

-Same address and nicknacks and everything. Just … missing all traces of Selena or Ace himself. There’s only a few traces of Lib and some scattered objects that clearly represent someone, but Ace doesn’t know who (he has a nasty suspicion its the teen in charge of this escape, the one with long black hair and strong magic and several braids that look a lot like Arra and Ulric braids but … off somehow).

-In the safety of the apartment that is Nyx’s but not, Nox introduces himself, then introduces the woman as … Nyx Ulric.

-Ace maybe gets weird looks from them when he gives into the urge to swear. Because really? REALLY? This is his life now.

-Nox gives him a sympathetic look and a pat on the shoulder and promises to have Shiva sort things out (then shrugs off the stares Nyx and Ace give him at the casual implication that he can boss around an Astral or three). Nyx shrugs and says Ace is free to take the couch, but only if he tells her stories about his world, once Nox and Ace convince her that yes Ace is from another world.

-Naturally, because fate hates Ace, the Libertus of this world walks in on them in the middle of their plotting. Libertus is even more skeptical about a “Lucis Caelum from another world” but Ace has pictures of him and Nyx and Lib and those plus his braids (which are similar but also not to the Galahdian braids they are used to) is enough to sway him.

-It takes a week for Nox and apparently the rest of this dimension’s Astrals to sort everything out (Nox comes back to the apartment at one point snarling about wanting to kick dragon tail and roast fish innards, Ace can relate), during which Libertus and Fem!Nyx alternate between tiptoeing around him and pestering for information (Nyx goes … very, very quiet when Ace asks about her Selena. Ace doesn’t ask again, and is grateful when Nyx lets herself be distracted with pictures of her counterpart)

-(“I’m hot,” she announces smugly, “Lib you owe me twenty gil.” To which Lib sputters, because apparently that bet had been made five years ago when drunk and could not be expected to be valid because really what are the chances of running into an alternate dimension Lucis Caelum that knows a male Nyx? Fem!Nyx gets her money anyway with a mischievous grin that makes Ace ache a little inside).

-Nox, who is far more entertaining to be around than Ace expected another Lucis Caelum to be, finally gets things sorted out and arranged for his return. Ace shows up at his proper apartment a week after tripping into another world and is instantly mobbed by a frantic Lib, Nyx, and Selena who do not believe him about parallel worlds until Ace whips out the photos and phone recordings he got.

-(“Huh,” Nyx breaches the silence after they’ve all seen the video other!Libertus took for him of Fem!Nyx and Nox kicking each other around a training ground, “I’m hot.” Ace laughs, Lib just groans and slaps Nyx on the back of the head because that’s not the issue here, Nyx.)

[imlikepadfoot]

Furry little Problem

Remus had always felt like a monster, hiding his deepest secret as hard as he could, because one mistake could make his whole world crumble into pieces.

3000+ words little story about the most mischievous first-year Hogwarts had ever seen, did Remus even think he could hide something from them?

Hope you gonna enjoy this, guys!

Song by Skillet   - Monster -

The secret side of me, I never let you see. I keep it caged but I can't control it.

-Are those new scars? Asked an eleven-years-old Sirius, as he was trying to pull away Remus's collar to see the fresh new scar that had appeared on Remus' neck. It was a large one this time, starting on his cheek, blood still pearling but he hadn't covered it with a bandage this time.

-It's nothing; I'm fine. Remus replied briskly, pulling himself away from Sirius's grasp, as an unconvinced James was peering at his bandaged hand. -It looks worst than it really is. He adds, trying to sound like if it was nothing at all. -I just... tripped over when I arrived home, I'm not a big fan of the Floo Powder.

-Yeah, Floo Powder is a crazy thing. Peter said, shaking his head. -I mean, once I had to go to my grand-mom and it expelled me so hard I flew through the glass window. He said, shrugging his shoulders.

-Yeah. Said Remus, uncomfortably scratching his nose, feeling cold sweat running on his neck as he was trying to ignore the disbelieving looks on Sirius and James' faces as they were waiting for him to say something else, waiting for him to say something more convincing.

But he had nothing else to say, what could he ever say to them? Remus thought painfully. How could he ever tell them about that, let them know what he really was inside? He couldn't, he didn't want to tell them, they were nice, they were his friends, would they still be after learning the truth? How could they ever continue to stay and care for the monster he really was.

They would abandon him, and he didn't want them to leave him. It was selfish, Remus knew it, but he had friends, real friends this time and they were good and kind people and for once in his life, he didn't want to push them away because they were making him feel normal for once.

So stay away from me, the beast is ugly. I feel the rage and I just can't hold it.

-How clumsy can you be Rem', really? James sighs, patting Remus' shoulder. -Or maybe you need a bigger fireplace, mate.

-Not everyone lives in big-ass palaces James's, you prick. Sirius instantly replied, throwing him a pillow. -The one at Grimmauld's Place was rather small, yet mom manages to stuff both Reg' and me inside without us even touching the ground.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders at the odd looks the others gave him before smirking. -Hey, don't give me those pity looks, I never said I didn't take revenge, you know, muggles bathroom are a great invention but oh so easy to flood.

Everyone burst out laughing, and Remus was relief that the attention was taken away from him and his scars. Another month had passed and he could only hope that the next one would be quieter.

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls, it comes awake and I can't control it

-I'm fine, Sirius just stop it already! Screamed a very tired and pale Remus as he was trying to run away from a very insisting Sirius who had been harassing him all day with his unceasing questions. -No, you are not fine Rem' stop giving me that fucking crap I have enough of this! Sirius yelled back, catching him by the wrist as they had entered the Gryffindor's common room. 

Without asking his permission, Sirius drags him along with him and pushed him inside their dormitory. He was rather strong for his age, and Remus was still small and frail for a twelve-year-old. -Stop it you're hurting me you stupid hit! Growled Remus, pushing Sirius away from him, rubbing his wrist, his skin red where he had held him. -Sorry mate, but you wouldn't have followed me on your own, didn't think I had hurt you tho. Sirius said uncomfortably. -Let me see. He asked gently, but Remus stepped back a bit more and glared angrily at him. -We need to talk Remus, this can't go on like this forever. James said as he had waited there for Sirius to bring Remus with him.

-And since you won't talk to us, well we'll do the talks. Peter added, sitting on his bed, not looking into Remus' eyes as he had spoken. Remus' heart starts rasing in his chest as he turned around, looking at his three friends who were looking back at him with gravity. They were all there, staring at him like he was some kind of frightened animal. And he was. He was frightened and he was an animal, maybe they had found out? How? He had taken every possible precaution and his mother was indeed sick so, him visiting her every month wasn't so special, was it?

Or maybe, maybe they didn't know, they hadn't seen him at the Hospital wing, and they surely hadn't followed him outside with Madam Pomfrey on the full moon. So how? Or maybe they were about to talk to him about some insignificant thing? Maybe Sirius was angry because he took his favorite sweater the last day?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun, I must confess that I feel like a monster

-You had some impressive new scars on your arms this time Rem' James said, raising an eyebrow as cold sweats were running on Remus’ temples. -You okay, mate? We thought maybe you should talk to Pompom about that fever that never leaves. - How many times will I have to tell you that I'm fine! Remus said sharply, feeling the sweat dripping on his face like it was boiling water.

-It's over Rem' we had enough of this. Sirius said in a cold voice, turning around Remus, examining him, pushing away a lock of his already wet hair away front his forehead. -No more lies, no more excuses we aren't as stupid as you think we are, okay. Cut the crap; game over now, you tell us the truth.

I, I feel like a monster, I feel like a monster, My secret side I keep hid under lock and key I keep it caged but I can't control it, 'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down, Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

-Fuck off, Sirius. Remus hissed, pushing him away a second time. The full moon was tonight, and he always had had difficulty controlling his temper in those times. The fever had taken his body already and he was more and more uncomfortable, like if his skin had shrunk on him, oppressing him, choking him. -I am... I'm sorry, Sirius... Remus adds with grin teeth after a while, ruffling his hair with a shaky hand.-I'm... I'm not feeling very well, I didn't want to yell at you.

-Why didn't you tell us earlier? Said James with a soft voice, coming forward to help his friend sit on his bed. -You don't have to do that Rem'. -I'm sick, I'm gonna be okay, like all the other times, don't bother yourselves for a little cold. He sighs, trying to stop his hand from shaking, feeling his bones cracking every time he was moving his fingers. -A little cold huh, said James, shaking his head before looking at Sirius. -He does think that we're that stupid.

-I think this like the grieving process you know, now he's in the denial phase even if the most obvious shit is in front of him. Sirius said to James, shrugging his shoulders before looking at Remus. -You don't feel so good, I'll tell Professor McGonagall you can't come to Transfiguration, I'm guessing she'll understand why. Remus shook his head. -No, I'm fine, I'm gonna be fine... I'll leave tonight to see my mom and I need to attend all my classes since I'm not gonna be here for the whole day tomorrow.

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster, I, I feel like a monster I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster, I, I feel like a monster

-We know you ain't going home tonight to see your mother, Rem'. Sirius told him. -This seems worst then the other months, why? Is it because we can already see the moon in the sky? James asked, looking through the window at the tiny and pale globe that was suspended In the deep blue sky.

Remus froze as soon as James's word came out of his lips, feeling like if someone had thrown a bucket of icy water at him. They knew. They knew his secret. He shook his head letting out a sad laugh. Of course, they knew how could it be otherwise? Those boys were genius, of course, they had figure out what was going on. He was away every freaking month at the full moon.

It was a miracle that he had managed to hide it from them for so long, but it was good the time it has lasted. Almost a full year of being normal, of having friends and learning stuff. How of an idiot was he? How could he have thought this happiness could last? Would he be sent home? Well of course... of course he was going to be sent home, no one would want to share their dormitory with someone who could rip their throat open in the night. They would reject him, maybe they would tell the others what was his true nature, how horrible and disgusting he was in reality and how he had deceived them, lied to them pretending to be human.

He clenched his teeth, feeling waves of nausea taking him as he tried to get on his feet. -Don't worry. He said, trying to control the lump in his throat. -I swear I can't harm you guys, I'll just... gather my stuff and be gone... he said with a broken voice.

-Be gone where exactly? Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow at him. -You ain't in no shape to go anywhere mate, stop being so stupid. He gently pushed him back on his bed, sitting next to him.

-Wh.. what? Remus said with a shaky voice, his eyes wide open and filled with tears, looking at both James and Sirius as Peter sat next to him. -You.. you don't want me to leave? But...

-Why would we want you to leave? James asked like he had said something extremely stupid.

It's hiding in the dark, its teeth are razor sharp There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

-Because I.. I'm... I have.. the words wouldn't come out of Remus's mouth, because saying it out loud would be too much for him to bear at this very moment. The lump was still in his throat, and he couldn't control his voice nor his hands of shaking. He was a monster, and monsters didn't deserve to be loved or accepted.

-You have a furry little problem. James said, making Sirius burst out laughing. -Nothing we can't handle. He adds, winking at Remus. -It's like having a really bad behaving rabbit if you think about it.

-Is there a cure? Asked Peter, looking at them. -I know this kind of shit must be expensive but it's not like you didn't have money. He said toward James.

-There is no cure. Remus answered gloomily. -Believe me, if there would be one I would have taken it a long time ago, no matter how expensive it would be.

-I would have it right here if there were one. James said shaking his head. -But it doesn't exist, because people are too stupid for that.

 -Maybe we can invent one, then? Sirius suggests.

-I know I love when there is some risk but we ain't gambling with Remus' life, this is too dangerous, maybe in a few years it would be possible. James said. -We need to get up with something efficient that would help him, right now.  -Maybe we could come off with something to ease his pain, don't you think? Peter said. -Man, this is so much bullshit, this is horrible, why didn't you tell us, we could have helped you so much earlier! Said Sirius, slowly and gently rubbing Remus arm, holding his other hand.

-Let's not waste any more minute guys, tonight we'll go to the restricted section. No one will ever see us under the invisibility cloak. I won't rest until I find something, there is no way we can't do anything, failure isn't an option. Are you in Rem'? Is it okay with you?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun, I must confess that I feel like a monster.

Remus nods, tears flooding his cheeks as he buried his face in his hands, not believing what was happening, not believing they still wanted to be his friends. He didn't know what to say to them. What could he say?  He had never felt this accepted in his entire life. Instead of pushing him away, they were looking for a way to help him, to ease his pain, wanting to walk with him through this nightmare so he wouldn't feel alone. They were beside him still, not looking afraid and without doubts in their eyes.

Were he thought they would have called him a beast, yelling at him to get away they had told him to stay put, that he was in no condition to get up, they were no pity in their eyes, only determination and love he thought he didn't deserve because of what he was.  -Maybe it would take some time, but we'll figure out something, don't you worry. Sirius said softly.

-How long... since how long did you know? Asked Remus after a while, whipping the tears away with his sleeve, his fingers curled into an odd way as they were hurting him. -Well, a while now mate. James said, messing up his hair with embarrassment. -We thought you would open up to us first, but seeing you know being so afraid I understand why you didn't. I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun, I must confess that I feel like a monster

Nodding again, whipping some other tears, Remus smiled at them, not knowing what to say, wanting to hug them, wanting to scream to the world how warm he felt right now, how happy he was. This was incredible, how could it be?

He let out a laugh and immediately regrets it, the bones in his cheeks were on the edge of breaking, the sweat mixing up with the tears as his organs painfully twisted inside of him.

-You're going to be sick, come. James said, bringing Remus to the bathroom, getting out to close the door behind him, slipping against it, closing his eyes. -This is awful. Worst of it is we can't do anything to help him right now. 

-Some months are harder than others, I think. Sirius whispered to James, Peter frowning with disgust as all they could heard was poor Remus vomiting everything he seems to have eaten.  -We need to figure out something, if only we could stay with him a bit longer, maybe we could understand a thing or two. How's that shit working? Sighs Sirius with annoyment -If he bites or scratched us, we are doom, but what's our range? Is it already dangerous or only if he's in full form?

-Does the moon had to be clear in the sky or is he gonna transform even if it's hiding? Sirius added, grabbing his hair with his two hands. -Think... think you stupid git, how good it is to be a fucking genius if it's only for pranks and stupid school stuff!

-Maybe we could sneak into, wherever they kept him on those nights and watch? We ain't gonna learn anything useful in books since people are too afraid of them to pay attention.

-Honestly, guys, this is the worst idea you could possibly have come up with. Squicked Peter. -I love Remus, and you know it, but I don't really want to end up in tartar. He said, frowning a bit more. -Or ended up... spending every month with him, like him, like a … like an …

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin I must confess that I feel like a monster I've gotta lose control, here's something radical I must confess that I feel like a monster

-Animal... James whispered, briskly raising his head, almost knocking away his glasses. -This is it! Pet' you are awesome!! He screamed, jumping up on his feet to an intrigued Sirius. Getting out of the bathroom with a wet towel around his neck Remus was so pale his skin looks like a thin sheet of paper, his fingers still curled into an odd shape, looking like claws. He let out a scream of surprise mixed with pain when James took him by the shoulder, grinning ear to ear.

-I know how we're gonna do it, but you'll have to be patient a bit longer Rem'. He said to him.

-What? He asked still shocked, looking around at his other two friends who didn't seem to understand a word of what James was saying. -This is the best thing we can do! I know that even if we get bitting or scratch it would not affect us, because they can't infect other animals! James continued. -It would be hard, probably the most dangerous things we would ever do, but it worth it a billion times. Sirius suddenly open wide eyes, not believing what James was actually suggesting. 

-Animagi. He then says as James yelled a loud and triumphing ''yes'''. -We are going to become Animagi. James this is brilliant! Remus would never ever have to be alone again on full moons! 

Shocked with the news, still shocked about everything that happened in the last hour, Remus could only stare at them without blinking, his golden eyes going from a scared Peter to an over-enthusiastic James and a grinning Sirius.

Maybe, he wasn't the monster he thought he was after all.

I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster

[nopethatsnotembarrassing]

1. What is you middle name?

It starts with an A

2. How old are you?

Old enough to be in college

3. When is your birthday?

In October

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Libra (if you go with the 12 zodiac signs), Virgo (if you go with the 13), and Scorpio (if you go with when I was supposed to be born)

5. What is your favorite color?

Orange

6. What’s your lucky number?

Idk 0, 8 or 13

7. Do you have any pets?

Yeah like a lot of cats

8. Where are you from?

Chicago area

9. How tall are you?

5'3 (160cm)

10. What shoe size are you?

8 I think

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Like 2

12. What was your last dream about?

Dont remember

13. What talents do you have?

Drawing, playing bass and viola

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Not that I've noticed

15. Favorite song?

To hard, favorite bands include Twenty one Pilots, Slipknot, Breaking Benjamin, Panic! At the Disco

16. Favorite movie?

Also to hard

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Idk, someone who cared

18. Do you want children?

No, at least not biological ever.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Hell no, unless it means something to the person I'm marrying

20. Are you religious?

Nope

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yep, a couple times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No?

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes, Tyler Hoechillin and JR Bourne

24. Baths or showers?

I dont have a shower so baths (even tho I prefer showers)

25. What color socks are you wearing?

None right now but usually black

26. Have you ever been famous?

No?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

I would like to be able to use my name for good yeah, and give back to my parents

28. What type of music do you like?

Pop, rock, metal, basically anything

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two under my head and 1 by my feet

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Idk my side

32. How big is your house?

Not

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Poptarts either strawberry or cinnamon

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No but I want to

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Not really but I want to

36. Favorite clean word?

Goof

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I wanna say close to 50 hours?

39. Do you have any scars?

Yeah a ton

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not that I know of?

41. Are you a good liar?

I think so and I've been told yeah

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Sometimes

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Irish (northern Ireland), Australian on a good day

44. Do you have a strong accent?

To me no cause I've lived in the same place my whole life but to others maybe

45. What is your favorite accent?

Probably North Ireland?

46. What is your personality type?

Idk, sarcastic asshole that apologizes to much

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Other than 2 of my rings (1 is a school ring, the other is an Iowa Sid) probably a long skeleton hoodie that's normally almost $90 (but was on sale for like $70 when I got it)

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yep

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

I'm ambidextrous but mostly use my right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Some yeah

52. Favorite food?

Potatoes in any form

53. Favorite foreign food?

Sushi

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Both?

55. Most used phrased?

Oh my god

56. Most used word?

Fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Completely, like 30 min. In a panic, 15min

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I dont think so

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course the best people do

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

No I dont think so

63. Biggest Fear?

Loved ones getting hurt

64. Are you a gossip?

Depends on the subject

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Idk

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Short hair

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Yeah, I live there tho

68. Favorite school subject?

Music

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No bit I want to

71. What makes you nervous?

Talking infront of groups

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Only sometimes

74. Are you ticklish?

In some places yeah

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Not that I know of

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yeah

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Not illegal ones

79. Who was your first real crush?

Oh my gosh either a kid in 8th grade or 10th grade?

80. How many piercings do you have?

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Not on purpose

82. How fast can you type?

On my phone pretty dang fast

83. How fast can you run?

Idk I dont really run

84. What color is your hair?

Really dark brown (basically black) and bright orange

85. What color is your eyes?

Dark brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Bees, latex, some medicines. That I know of

87. Do you keep a journal?

No, but I should. This is kinda like a half ass journal

88. What do your parents do?

My moms a para and my dad's a laborer

89. Do you like your age?

Theres nothing I can really do to change it either way

90. What makes you angry?

Everything

91. Do you like your own name?

I changed it so I better

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

No

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Dont really care

94. What are you strengths?

Creative mind?

95. What are your weaknesses?

Lacking confidence

96. How did you get your name?

My mother liked a specific flower so she based my name off of that

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Idk probably

98. Do you have any scars?

You've asked that. Yeah

99. Color of your bedspread?

Black

100. Color of your room?

White unfortunately

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[thelostandforgottenangel]

I'm sorry...

Warning: Depressing and full of triggers

TMNT One-Shot I might continue into a part two depending on how today goes

Talk about: suicide, cutting, self harm,  gore

Raphael X Raven

Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions and heartbreak

  Donatello came rushing out of his lab the moment something broke coming face to face with the blue banded turtle who had been tending to Mikey’s wounds in the needle room

“I swear you are so worthless… Just go drop dead you stupid bitch!”

They saw the words stopped the teen in her tracks, they had been arguing for the last hour after getting back from an easy night of patrolling the city ending in a fight with the Foot which had almost cost Raven her life when she had gotten distracted for a moment falling over a guy who was on the ground right behind where she had been standing causing her to end up on her ass with a blade flying towards the girl’s throat

If it hadn’t been for Raphael jumping in to save their little sister from the soldier she might not have come home tonight

Of course they had heard her thanked him then apologized over and over when he started yelling, it wasn’t necessarily her fault that she had fallen but still the woman had agreed she had gotten a little clumsy but he wasn’t having it

He had just put the last nail in the coffin before Leo stepped in trying to calm Raph down as the words he had said resonated in the still air

The teen felt strangely numb waiting for the pain to finally hit her but it never came “Do you really mean that? Could you live your life if she wasn’t here Raph?” he turned still fuming looking at Leonardo who was trying to get him to apologize with pure hate snorting as the oldest turtle kept his body between them

the other’s knew how Raven felt about Raphael but she could never admit it to him

A low growl brought her back to reality seeing him a few feet away moving towards her even as Leo stopped him “If she had died tonight I wouldn’t have gave a shit” he shoved their oldest brother hard into the wall behind them yelling as loud as he could which caught everyone’s attention in the lair

Her heart stopped beating within her aching chest when Donatello stepped forward attempting to put a barricade between Raphael and the girl as he started towards her again not that the blue masked turtle was out of his way “That’s enough Raph!”

She looked up hearing the steel tone in Donnie’s voice that made her visibly jump - it was uncharacteristic for him to speak to anyone in such a strong voice but he calmed down when his baby sister reached out patting him on the arm stepping around him looking at Raph hoping her face didn’t give away how hurt she was at that moment

“Okay if that’s how you truly feel then I understand. I get it - fucked up tonight, I can admit that but you might want to be careful what you say. Never know if it will happen” he looked stunned seeing the emotionless look that covered the normally feisty girl’s face before looking away crossing his arms over his chest with a grunt whispering under his voice that he couldn’t get that lucky

Michelangelo nudged him hard but by then she had started up too the rooms when Donnie’s hand landed on one shoulder making her wince as pain echoed through her strained body pulling the sullen girl back around as Mikey spoke up from behind Leo “Baby girl he didn’t mean that… you just need to ignore the moron while he throws his little fit”

Raven blinked back the tears that threatened to surface fast looking back at Raph with a small yet bright smile catching him looking at her as a tear escaped one green eye falling down her flushed cheeks “No he meant every word. And that’s okay - it won’t matter in the end”

She pushed past Donnie heading upstairs to her room closing the door and locking it before going to sit on the edge of the bed as the dark wrap around her welcoming yet still not feeling anything; her heart didn’t even feel like it was beating anymore from within it’s cold prison

Finally she reached over turning on the bedside lamp illuminating the lifeless room in a dull glow before pulling up the long sleeves she was wearing unwrapping the bandages worn on her arms like the guys only she doubted they’re bandages hid anything similar to what appeared as they slid off once they were loosened up enough

The moment she willed herself to look the pink lines that covered both sides were reveled

Running a finger over the scars she hated herself even more remembering every reason for each one being there, having suffered for years she had been at war with this depression for a few horrible months and lately it seemed like she was losing the battle more and more every day.

A low knock came from the door as she wrapped both arms back up again changing her shirt before answering to find Leonardo standing in the door way “Hey are you okay little sister?” 

A fake smile slid across the girl’s face being the first defense to hide her secrete from the small family and to be honest she was getting good at it with all the practice lately, a quick nod came next lying to her oldest brother “Yeah Leo I’m great-”

From somewhere down stairs she could hear Don and Mikey talking to Raph trying to convince him to apologize before the young woman decided to leave again seeing Leo look over his shoulder before looking back at the human girl “That’s good… Well, we are going out again for a short night run, I thought I’d just let you know”

She nodded grabbing her jacket starting out the door when Leonardo stopped her with a hand on the frame keeping her from advancing any further shaking his head as he searched for the right words to use “I meant me and the guys are going out, we all decided it would be better if you stayed home… Just so Raph will cool of a bit”

Everything seemed to stop as she stood there searching his face seeing he was trying to not say what he really wanted too as it hit her like a brick wall - they didn’t believe in her as part of the team, she was just a mistake in their eyes, worthless just like Raph had said; now she knew it would be better if she wasn’t in their lives then maybe they wouldn’t have to deal with their clumsy good for nothing adopted human sister

Life would be better without her

Tossing the jacket back over the bed she nodded smiling once more but knew the smile never reached her eyes as she moved away from him “That’s fine… I didn’t want to go out anyways” his face dropped as she turned away closing the door fast as a tear dripped down her face before he could say anything more locking it back leaning on the door waiting for him to leave knowing he had wanted to say more

“Raven” his voice came through the through the door behind her almost pleading as he tried to turn the knob tapping on the door fast as she let a sob go “Open the door… come on little sister open the door back up” his words were ignored as the teen sliding down before dropping to the floor not sure why she suddenly felt so empty “Raven – please open the door I didn’t mean it to sound the way it came out” it would have hurt too much to tell him to go away so she didn’t say anything to him and after a few more attempts to get the door open his footsteps finally disappeared with what almost sounded like a soft spoken apology

Raven couldn’t bear to think that she was a liability to the team; that if she fucked up once it might get them killed and she couldn’t live with that carefully pulled a small knife out from under her drawers looking at it smiling to herself knowing that if she wanted too she could just open her wrist to stop the pain - if only for a second and knew it would help for a short time

The blade pressed to her skin as she stopped second guessing herself for a moment trying to convince her mind that she didn’t need to do this but ten minutes later it was still pressed against her arm firmly before a light tap on the door brought her back jumping as she felt her arm stinging

She had been pressing down so hard she had broken the skin right through the bandages

The girl didn’t answer knowing that if she was quiet they would leave without another knock slowly moving to sit down on the bed listening for whoever it was to leave although she knew it was probably Mikey since he was the only one who knew about her current mental problem and was trying hard to help his younger sister work through it even though it didn’t seem to be helping

“Baby girl can I come in for… Hey we’ll bring dinner home… Love ya little sis”

His voice had shook as she sat perfectly still not moving until his footsteps were heading down the stairs only then did she let out a small sob feeling her heart shatter as they left the lair talking and joking around leaving the girl in the cold silence.

How long she had sat on the floor went unnoticed as she pulled out a bottle of liquor from one of the bottom drawers drinking it fast hoping to drowned the pain but couldn’t get any more than a small buzz going wishing that she had never fallen for Raphael then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much when he said the things like he had tonight but all the wishing in the world couldn’t fool her own heart

Raven loved him and always would as long as she was breathing

She laid there for hours letting the tears fall freely until finally she couldn’t take the lonely feeling pushing her body up somehow managing to get off the floor once the bottle was empty walking down to the weight room feeling her body shaking as she tried to calm herself down, dad was gone so she couldn’t sit and talk to him about it, meditating would only make her focus on the pain she was wanting to forget so instead the girl tried to do a few katas to center whatever was left of her mind but after the third one she was still upset

It came slowly but she found her legs moving her over to Raph’s punching bag, hitting it hard taking all the pain she was feeling out on the heavy bag hitting it harder until she felt the pain radiating up both arms looking down to see blood dripping off her hands onto the floor

It only took a moment to pull some of Donnie’s bandages he left in there of the massive turtle off the shelf wrapping the bloodied hands tightly flexing them before she continued beating the punching bag

Feeling the tears running down her face focusing on just how much she was trying to convince herself to hate him it took a while to realize the blood starting to seep through the bandages not stopping until the pain became too much hitting the floor crying out cursing under several labored breaths wanting nothing more than to forget him

Hating everything in her for the way she was feeling before jumping up fast kicking at his punching bag “Why – why am I even in with love him… I’ll never be good enough for him! HE COULD NEVER LOVE ME…!” throwing one last punch she heard the guys voices entered the lair only moments later clawing at her chest just needing for her heart to stop working right then so it could finally be over

“Raven we’re home”

She was fuming trying to catch her breath clinging to the bag to keep from falling over as Raphael walked into the room growling under his breath “Hey get away from my shit before ya break it danmmit”

“Raphael she isn’t going to break it – if you haven’t broke it yet she won’t”

“WHY THE FUCK IS SHE EVEN TOUCHING MY SHIT -”

He turned looking at the girl in a way that to everyone screamed pure hatred before walking on to the kitchen just as she broke - something inside snapped right then as a ragged sob broke from her chest clawing at the fabric under her fingers, turning fast feeling the tears she was trying so desperately to blink back fall down her cheeks unable to stop the weakness she was feeling surface she exploded spinning so fast nothing could have stopped her from punching the wall hard screaming out loudly when a bone or two snap on impact

Moments later she realized she was unable to breath wiping her face on as red stained sleeve taking a deep breath forcing a smile when he came back into the weight room seeing the frown on his face turn into a confused look that over took his face as she found her voice sounding cheery for a split second “I’m going to my room before I say something I’ll regret. See you guys in the morning”

Raphael shifted over as she looked down starting past him clinching one fist sending waves of agonizing pain up her right arm wanting to run for it but he didn’t say anything as Leo came up behind him looking over the sweat covered figure as Raph’s voice came out shaken “K-Kid…”

He took a fast step towards her reaching out to touch the girl’s face seeing all the blood that was drying on the cruddy bandages and old clothes but with a strength none of them had ever witnessed before the teen shoved past both of them grabbing her chest as it started hurting no longer feeling the beating organ that should have been there

There was nothing

“Hey baby girl we brought you dinner to cheer you up”

The air shifted so fast it was a shock as the girl spun around glaring at the smallest turtle when he looked away the moment he was in her sights “I’M NOT HUNGRY MIKEY!” as soon as the words were out of her mouth she started climbing the stairs heading for her room again stopping slowly feeling bad that she had snapped at him wiping her face as she forced one last smile “Sorry Mikey... I’m not really all that hungry - I’m just feeling a little under the weather right now... Save me some and I’ll eat later okay – thanks anyways”

The crunch of her hand as she shifted it open had Donnie stopping when he passed her looked over the teen stopping on the broken and bloodied hands looking panicked when he saw how purple the right one was “Raven – oh my god what happened?”

She turned finding him behind her looking at the bandages before she pulled away hiding both in her pockets ashamed he had seen them “Nothing… I’m going to bed” he tried to stop her once more but she yanked away from him stepping through her door slamming it fast locking it even faster as he tried to follow

He stood outside that door for a while looking over when his oldest brother made it to his side seeing the regret written all over his face as they heard her fall to the floor crying out – they could have never guessed she was clutching a knife tight in her grasp

Never would they had thought she was just inside the door wishing she had the strength to just end it right then and there so the invisible pain she was in would go away as they slowly left her door to go eat hoping she would come down when she was ready – because if they had known what was happening just inside they would have never left the door

Raven rolled over letting the pain out in fragile wails as she slowly reached out picking up the small piece of paper that she must have dropped earlier reading it as the ache inside her chest grew crawling over to her dresser pulling out a bottle of different pills dumping ten into her palm looking at the multi colored tablets before swallowing them fast taking a quick sip of her water forcing her body down into her chair praying it would come quickly

Raphael hadn’t touched his food still thinking back on the way she had looked at him – the way her lifeless emerald orbs had met his showing nothing of the girl he was used to seeing… his hardheaded, stubborn, pain in his ass – his Rave wasn’t there

He only waited two more minutes before he got out of his chair bolting upstairs his mind telling him to leave the kid alone but his heart telling him to go to her tapping on the door fast not hearing any sounds from inside as he tried to turn the door knob “Rave…? Raven, open the door”

She had finally grabbed the knife again when she didn’t feel the pills kicking in planning on just cutting herself a few more times but jumped when Raph’s panicked voice boomed through the door hissing as she felt a sudden pain rip through her body looking down seeing she had sliced deep through her wrist feeling the pain draining from her body until she could move again “Just go away… I need to be alone”

“Kid, open the door now!”

Finally the teen was calm minutes later getting up laying down on the bed covering herself with a thick comforter knowing it would all be better in the morning as her body slipped into the darkness that had surrounded her.

Raphael called out to her again starting to kick the door in when he heard a soft snore from inside leaning on the metal before sitting down just outside her room listening to her slow breathing, he needed to see her but for now her calm breathing told him she was alright

~ ~ ~

A loud knock came at her door as Leo yelled for her to open it sounding panicky but she couldn’t move feeling something sticky under her hand struggling to stay awake as she tried to call out to him – he had been beating on her door for over an hour finally starting to get worried when she was still snoring when usually the smallest sound would wake her

It really got to him when Mikey and Donnie had came to help only for her to not answer

She glanced at the clock feeling like she was falling seeing that if the clock was right it was almost two hours later and her brothers were calling out her name through the door there was a moment of complete silence before it burst open only to hear Raph’s voice enter the room as he sighed yelling down stairs where the other must have gone to get something “Guys she’s asleep”

His voice came softly moments later from the end of her bed as he brushed a hand over her foot “Rave-?” when she didn’t move he came closer kneeling down to brush a hand through her hair letting his voice lower so as not to startle her “Hey – c’mon ya have to get up… Leo said yer not going to stay in here, we were gonna watch - Raven…?”

The woman could feel him touch her pale cheek before he was brushing her hair out of the way still not able to make her body work “Kid – danm yer freezing” he wasted no time pulling the blankets back as he crawled under the covers to warm her jumping back out as he laid down in a cold wet spot saying something under his breath that even he hadn’t caught before he was looking at his sweats seeing the dark red stain on his side before his eyes fell on the arm at her side that he had uncovered seeing the dark red that was starting to dry on her arms  “K – Kid what? Oh god what did ya do… D – DONNIE!!!!”

He dropped to his knees patting her face as he pulled her to him lifting her head off the bed seeing the white substance on her chin “Raven – c’mon open those pretty eyes and look at me” she didn’t respond for a while but finally let out a soft groan before her eyes fluttered making him breathe a sigh of relief that she was somehow still alive “That’s it – I gotcha just stay with me Rave” he nuzzled his face against hers pressing a small kiss to her forehead fighting to keep the tears at bay finally lifted her arm up when it dawned on him she was still bleeding out wrapping a shirt he could reach around it hating how limp she felt against him “Kid open yer eyes – I need ya to open yer eyes please”

He could see she was trying but couldn’t as Donatello’s voice came from the door making him look away seeing his brother’s thin frame was frozen in place before he took in a deep breath whispering a shaky slur of words before he seemed to finally get control back over his body “R-Raven… Oh no-” he bolted forward as Raphael uncovered her further before his brother was there grabbing the arm holding it up above her head feeling for a pulse as he squeezed her arm “Raven you need to wake up now come on… Please wake up”

The teen suddenly squeezed Raphael’s fingers who was holding tight to her other hand mumbling breathlessly as she shifted closer to him whimpering from the pain of the pressure being applied to the wound “I-I’m s…so tired Donnie” the words were almost like a lifeline that the massive turtle latching onto trying to keep her talking as she started to fade out again like hearing myself telling Donnie that “D-Donnie…I can’t – I love him too much. I can’t stop loving Raph - I wasn’t good enough for him to love back I needed him beside me – I’m sorry”

His breath left his body as she opened her eyes just as a gentle hand came over her tear stained cheek to see Raphael kneeling beside her whispering to her as if he was scared to speak any louder “Ay kid – look ‘m right here… ‘m here I gotcha ya – stay with me okay” her face contorted into a confused gaze seeing the bed stained with something before realizing the bandages on her arm was blood red

She had finally done it

His heart sank as she grinned looking relieved as she dropped back in his arms before he met his brother’s honey brown eyes, they didn’t say a word before the biggest turtle lifted her up from the bed as they raced down to the lab “LEO – MIKEY WE NEED HELP!!!”

Donatello’s voice rung out through the lair drawing his brother’s from the living area as he jumped over the railing heading into the needle room even though he knew it as too late to do anything

She fell into a black pool of emptiness still clinging to the note that she had wrote him a few days ago as Mikey screamed out and Leo begged her to hang on hearing Raphael pleading with her as tears dripped down his cheeks holding tight to her as his brother tried to save her – he found himself praying to every entity he had ever heard of that just maybe she would pull through

He looked down when he realized there was a piece of paper she was clinging to taking it from her quickly yet gently working it out of the crinkled up ball it was in  before reading the blood stained note choking out a ragged cry pressing his face against her chest realizing what he should have seen sooner

  It simply said:

  I still love you Raphie… to death’s doorstep and with my last breathe… I always will

I’m sorry - I just hope you can forgive me!

   So I went over board in the feels department, this got dark fast in my mind so depending on how good I feel today I might write a part two - so this could either go really good or horribly bad from this point on....

Let me know what you think loves!

[threemoonsareshining]

i don't know which questions to ask you so i'm just going to say answer as many as you like / whichever ones you like! i love reading your answers!! i hope you have a week full of stars and candy and love Xx

Hi nice anon, thank you so much for this distraction now get ready for some ranting

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Yes but I think I do it ironically.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Normally 1 but a 5 if it was a really bad day and I get a little anxiety.

4. What is your favorite word? I like de word Melancolía (melancholy) 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A holm oak because they’re strong and they can endure everything (I have an actual favourite tree and it’s, in fact, an enormous holm oak I used to climb when I was little and that I still sometimes climb tbh it’s so tall and creates a magical atmosphere)

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? This sounds really pessimistic but I thought about how disgusting my face was because my acne is really bad these days and I sleep with a bun which isn’t the most flattering hairstyle

7. What shirt are you wearing? A pyjama shirt I have since I was 11 but that still fits me

8. What do you label yourself as? Forgettable

9. Bright room or dark room? Dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? I was avoiding my responsibilities on the verge of an anxiety attack

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? When I was 13-14 because I believe at some point in that time I was genuinely happy for the last time

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom

13. Your worst enemy? This sounds so fake deep but I think it’s my fear of living

14. What is your current desktop picture? I made an album with some of my photography (when I used to take pictures and stuff) which are mostly flowers and my cats

15. Do you like someone? I did 2 weeks ago but I’m not so sure now

16. The last song you listened to? New Jerusalem by Bear’s Den

17. You can press a button that will make anyone person explode. Who would you blow up? Probably Trump tbh

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I mean I don’t like violence but rn there’s a boy who was in my class who is trying to throw a party and he’s so so so so SO annoying he needs someone to punch him and put him in his place because he thinks that he’s becoming some kind of ”influencer” (which he’s not) and that he’s above everyone else and he needs to calm the f down

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Idk I like my lips and sometimes my hair looks nice

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I’ve been thinking for a while but nothing comes to mind sorry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? It’s not unique but I have an irrational fear of dolls and I also can’t stand mantis because they move as if they were being controlled by Satan himself

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’m going to save it most probably because I don’t spend money but if I felt generous I’d buy my parents/friends something nice

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? I can’t make this kind of decisions, too many places in this world but somewhere I can just go braless all the time and feel free like a lil bird

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Everyone chillax

29. What is your favorite expletive? I don’t swear like never ever so I don’t have one

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? One of my mom’s paintings

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Being publicly humiliated by the people who I thought were my friends would be nice to forget

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My maternal grandfather because he left us too soon and my mom always says I had a really strong connection with him when I was a kid and I would’ve loved to get to know him more because she always talks about him and he seemed like a very wise person

34. What was your last dream about? I dreamt I had to take a train and I lost it and there were lots of people waiting at the station and I felt so confused (which is the story of my life tbh)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I’d like to say I’m a good listener

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Not only a snowman but a WHOLE FAMILY of snowmen

38. What is the color of your socks? Black

39. What type of music do you like? I love instrumental and acoustic music but I’m currently rediscovering my love for electro-pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets because I think they’re prettier but I love the way watching the sunrise makes me feel

43. Do you have any scars? I have a scar on my knee and I also have my knuckles full of scars because I would rub them against rocks all the time as a kid (don’t ask me why I don’t know)

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would get rid of the anxieté obviously because it’s ruining me

46. Are you reliable? I wouldn’t say I’m a tomb but I sure know what I can definitely not tell under any circumstances and if someone asks me not to tell something I won’t. 

48. Do you hold grudges? I did like a month ago but now I’ve managed to make peace with almost everyone who I’ve wronged/has wronged me and it feels so nice honestly

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? A few weeks ago I ended up talking about all my school trauma with a boy who told me about all his childhood trauma, being this boy the person I most hated at some point in the past so that was pretty surreal

51. Are you a good liar? I’m not but people are used to me NOT lying about stuff so if I lied (which I don’t) they’de believe me even though I would sound fake af

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I’m really bad at accents 

56. What do you like on your toast? Sugar with butter, olive oil with sugar or just some melted chocolate with cinnamon

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? I love drawing flowers 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Not often but I should because I find it so so so entertaining

64. What do you think about babies? They’re cute sometimes if I stare at them from a distance with earplugs in my ears 

These are a lot of answers but you asked for them so there you have! Thanks!! 🍁🍁🍁