#i'm never gonna give up on art
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I feel like i'm starting to understand my relationship to my art is not the same as a lot of my friends, and that's okay. I don't really get cravings to draw, and I don't really feel serotonin from sketching/doodling.
All of my art's gotta have some kinda purpose, including when starting a new illustration or just designing characters. I wish I could just draw and create with abandon, but that doesn't really come naturally to me. That's why I end up mulling over ideas more then actually sketching/writing things down.
It sort of depresses me that i can't just be happy drawing for drawing's sake, and sometimes I think the creative field just isn't for me. Maybe art will never be anything more then a hobby for me, and that's okay. But damn is my inner child dying at me admitting this, lol.
#late night ramblings#text#i'm never gonna give up on art#and who knows maybe i'll find a way to make my art more personally fufilling#but i've just been stringing myself along with hope for too long now#hope that i might change one day and spontaneously become a different person that can fufill all of my dreams and it ain't working#might delete this later lol
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assorted henry-charlie/puppet-charlie sketches and doodles for the soul (last one is drawn on my phone) since i really needed the wholesomeness of these right now on my timeline, and maybe some people needed to see it too </3
#it's gonna be okay guys i promise. please don't give up yet. never underestimate the indomitable human spirit.#similar stuff happened in my country too it was rough... please live your lives are so much more than what you think it may be#ok reality check aside i'm so sorry these are all i can post for now i'll answer my asks when im in a better headspace#hidden hands au#fnaf au#henry emily#charlie emily#charlotte emily#fnaf henry emily#fnaf charlie emily#fnaf charlotte emily#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddys fanart#five nights at freddys#fnaf#my art
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vampire and werewolf sitting in a tree
time trav e l i n g
first comes. trying to kill eachother then comes... learning you're his dead ex-lover then comes marriage!
(you can buy the book this scene is from for $15 it's really good. it's the fan favorite of the series!)
#comics#idk I thought this scene might make sense on its own#I thought about making it like all tall but 8 pages is a lot I think to make tall...........#it's like a lot to scroll past#but I think this looks cute enough and gives enough of a vibe at a glance that you can tell if you wanna click on it#sorry I'm trying to think of as many ways as I possibly can to advertise this book#there are so so so many of them#you gotta help me man#anyways#I really liked this scene#fun fact it was my FIRST episode with my new editr#and my first editor made me really anxious#kept asking me to change stuff and giving notes that made no sense#she also kept micing up their names and she wouldnt reply to me for weeks even when I was begging for edits on something#anyways so I was super nervous#esp cause its the first gay episode so I was like well. let's. see how chill she is#and she was so nice...#you guys she was absolutely amazing#she was such a delight to work with and so incredible#her notes were top notch every time#and she was always so quick to respong#while also very much keeping her work boundaries and hours clear#god shes so amazing I'm never gonna forgive webtoon for firing her#she deserves the fucking world. I multiple times told her and webtoon that she changed my entire experience there and made it worth it#and then she gets fired. god. fuck them. ugh. anyways.#short comic#time and time again#webtoon#comic book#my art
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I am having way too much fun with these so have another
img credit
#this may or may not be part of something much much bigger that I'm working on atm#but I guess you'll never know#actually you'll know either when I finish it (likely never)#or when I give up trying to finish it and just post the WIP (likely)#also I DID predict that I was gonna be back on here like. around this time#so technically I'm not obsessed or insane or whatever#just on time#yk#f1#f1 art#f1 fanart#landoscar#landoscar fanart#814#mclaren f1#lando norris#lando norris fanart#oscar piastri#oscar piastri fanart#twinklaren#mctwinks#ln4#ln4 fanart#op81#op81 fanart#digital art#procreate#neverleft underscore#neb50#neb100
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egodeath: the disappearance of one's sense of self, or the removal of one's ability to distinguish themselves as an entity separate from their social or physical environment.
#shook arts#oc shiz#takoshi (oc)#i told you you wouldn't be able to guess why he was so happy#i feel like i may need to give context for this#bc i've only briefly touched upon takoshi's over reliance on masking as a coping mechanism#as well as how he feels as if he has to conform to the expectations of others even if that means acting like a different person entirely#but also. idk man i think it kinda speaks for itself#now if someone were to *ask* me to go further into it then ofc i would :] but#for now i think i'm just gonna let the art speak for itself#also sorry not sorry about the next few drawings also probably being less goofy and more serious#i've had some cool ideas i wanna see if i can pull off#tbh getting to like. actually draw and not just do character refs constantly has been nice :]#and now that the creative juices are flowing it's so jover. i will never shut up about these two sorry (not)#oh yeah also. ik some of the proportions are kinda fucked up but uh consider#i don't really care enough to fix it#like this isn't something i'm trying to spend 8 hours on lol it doesn't have to be perfect :]
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#tko_art#hahah wrong eye shape#hers is more droopy and less awakey#wow colors suck#really hard#but i've noticed it doesn't feel like my brain is going to explode everytime I try to determine color and values#i kind of got too tired and wanted to giv eup so no tear drop#which made me sad because i did want to try that#but back hurts#gotta go to bed to fight god tomorrow/today#i love rendering skin tones#they're so much fun#lovely love#I have accidentally locked in#suddenly every single moment of time that i'm not spending to do art is unappealing and so damaging#i'm psyching myself out of doing things I know will give me instant gratification and will make me pretty happy for whattttttttt#it's kinda depressing#If i think about it too hard it's just a constant cycle of oh god this is it for the rest of my life#so no thinking it is!#blegh this seems so silly and trivial#i hope nobody reads this shit#i'd have to kill myself or something#im never gonna stop thinking about how i didnt say i loved you back#and it haunts me#and i cant stop thinking about what u said to me#and even tho u didnt say it harshly i cant stop my mind from running away from me#and theres something horribly wrong with me that i need to gouge out#i hope u never read this#i didnt want to be (x) how fucked up is that#i wish i wasnt like this i wish i didnt have to learn how to live with trauma i wish i was normal
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~THEY GROOVIN' YO~
y'all...i got carried away and drew both of my favourite yellow characters 👉👈 It's just for silly thing i wanted to do (i know it's cringe 😭) i tried to make their outfits less boring and to match their own sense of styles, cuz i like to torture
just unshaded version of them, look at them go 🦉🕺✨
#art#drawing#illustration#rayman#the conductor#ahit conductor#silly shit#i'm cringe but i'm free#never gonna give you up#sexbomb#owl?#thingamajig#can you imagine eyeless owl thing meeting with limbless creature thing?#i love the conductor way too much (my hubby)
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Someone being extremely annoying in the replies of my flowey and clover gif and I'm running out of patience 😭
#'well I THINK theyd just kill everyone then never reset in neutral' 'WE decide who clover is at heart' can you not#like. this is a piece of fanart. did you really just reply to tell me you don't like my headcanons or what#like... at least mention the art of you're gonna go on a several reply stint of this...#and im sorry but mmmmh... bad takes. frisk is morally ambiguous and its impossible to know what they'd do without our influence at this tim#but its a. fucking HUGE plot point in yellow neutral that we know what clover does without influence. without us. without flowey.#they stay w toriel indefinitely...#there's wiggle room for why and that's interesting. but its very clear vengeance wouldnt normally be their driving force#and that in itself is interesting! do we make them give into their anger? warp their sense of justice?#are they just going through the motions of getting this done now that they've ended up on this path?#that's all way more interesting to discuss than what feels like just treating them as a nothing character to treat as an insert#they did say its bc they dont like considering vengeance canon but that stumps me even more#why do you think we mold them then????#and idk if the devs said anything about it being noncanon but i haven't heard so#(and the devs also said Clover's gender is 'up to interpretation' and that's stupid so i also just don't care I'm sorry)#I'd rather embrace all routes and consider what that can mean for the characters#vengeance being unrealistic for ut means nothing when NONE of uty is realistic for ut#it's just a cool what if kinda story
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I. Watermelon Sugar by scent.2002 || Meta
Elias Ainsworth & Duchess (oc)
Rarely do I go for wholesome, murderous daddies — not.
Edit:
Here I go @eyecandyeoz @justalittletomato
#♝#dukeoftheblackstar#art by scent#elias ainsworth#mahoutsukai no yome#the ancient magus bride#ancient magus bride#mahoyome#I'm just gonna cry because the amount of wholesome rizz he's giving is dangerous to my sanity#i love him#beyond beyond#I'm not even a full season in#He's right up there with Plo#Plo Koon level husband?#This is alarming?!?!!#I just remembered this show today because i never finished it#now here i am drowning#Dains ♥
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yay yippee yay :3 🎉
#just me hi#making things i will never ever show to anybody: 💫💫💥💫💫 pfshvbh#you know when you personal-art so hard it could literally be nuclear if anybody saw it. Yeagh kfhsvhjgs#:3 ehehehe [<- pleased]#i love you writing + art combo. i Am giving you a very deep grave though i won't lie <3#//anyway thought i was gonna get flamed today cuz i wouldn't let my mom look at some doobles i had in my sketchbook lmfsvhghs#gay 😔#but we just went out for snacks and she was just talking about a lot of random stuff lol :) chilling comes out on top yet again 👍💥#//anyway i gotta do some studies ᴗ.ᴗ [<- the urge to do it and the desire to Never Ever]#wanna get better at anatomy :/ and shading lmao :/ [<- does not want to do it so bad]#and also backgrounds :// but one step at a time man i don't know what a lighting is lfmvshj#shaking myself by the shoulders like you are GOING to enjoy it at some point it's not the end of enjoyment forever !!#me n mine are going to argue back and forth about it until i finally get it done so [tosses hands in the air]#hopefully i get to it today :) i haven't been trying to do timelapses this past year but maybe i'll do that when i get around to it :>#getting the funk out of the Lagoons means i realized i have been dropping a lot of things i thought were neat over time and i'm tryna pick#them back up lol :3#downside is that where i was dropping things i was picking up anxiety which is Really Cool and Epic#the Most counterintuitive function of the brain i think. doing their best but man it's like putting a rat in a room made of cheese while#it's pouring rain outside and expecting it not to start chowing down lmaoo#//anyway yea!! my things :33#kinda Do want to do studies now Yippee !!! i win yet again ehe >:3#so toodles ciao pop toodles >wó
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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know
#unrelated to the flu shot but i'm certain i'll feel it tomorrow#idk i've been in a weird state lately where i get really excited about my art and i get super talkative in general#i feel peppy and enthusiastic and excited and then i just crash. HARD.#it feels like all the years of being a shut-in finally catch up to me all at once and it's like apocalyptic hellfire all consuming agony#and nobody is ever gonna love me again bc i refuse to allow it and the lights are too bright in public spaces.#i feel like i'm not really a person outside of my interests and my artwork. i forget that i'm like. a being.#i think i'm also just annoyed bc i'm gonna be Doing Things. already so soon it's gonna be halloween#and i have plans w my sisters and their friends and later i'll be spending the night at my sister's#and i do want to do all that. but it pisses me off that i had waste time today and will have to tomorrow#when i could be drawing. i should have been drawing. i cannot emphasize enough actually#how artwork is just. the one and only thing that makes me feel connected to people.#that brings me joy and purpose like nothing else. so i just get extra upset if i'm gonna be doing too many things LMFAO#and as i say all this like damn milo some people have jobs. i used to. a lifetime ago.#but to be so real i've gotten so much worse. at. everything.#man sometimes i can't even tolerate being at one of my sisters' place bc she doesn't have lamps.#so i just have to chill in the dark in an adjacent room and it's like Fine.#but why can't everyone live by MY rules.#if i skip out on therapy tomorrow i should cancel tonight. i guess i'm just split about it.#like. it's clear i have things to talk about. but man i just don't fucking WANT to. i'm SICK OF IT#it's more of the same and then some. my circumstances will never change bc i'm in hell. okay.#who CARES .......#who GIVES a shit..........#ect.
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Just a reminder, I have a patreon!!!
I've been working on actually making stuff to post more often for the lower tiers, and have been consistently doing so!
I post at least a few sketches and drawings every month for the $1 and up patrons
and I've been working on episodes and sharing some updates with my $5 and up patrons
And I have a merch club for $15 a month, but there's still some $10 slots left! I design and send usually a postcard and some stickers to my patrons every month, but sometimes I'll do some experimental stuff; last month I did foil prints, for instance, and a few months before I made magnets!
It also gets you access to private channels in my discord server, where I ask for patron input on things like the merch or drawings, and where I sometimes stream while working :)
Buuuut also, even if you don't want any of this stuff, it's a great way to support me directly if you like my work! I'm still on hiatus so I'm not making any money from work at the moment, but I'm working hard and my patreon enables me at least to buy my groceries!
Here's the link one more time, no pressure of course but I need to promote my patreon more so people actually know it exists haha
#I never promote my patreon#which is probably why I only have like 30 patrons (grimacing emoji)#it's a little embarassing tbh hahahahahahahha when my coworkers are talking about making thousands a month on patreon#and I'm like DONT LOOK AT MINE PLEASE#it's okay obviously#I never like. talk about it#cause the fun for me is making the stuff#so I'm like I made the stuff yay I'm doing it I'm doing a good job :D!#but then uh#no one knows I'm doing that#like I'm making art and posting it and I'm making merch and selling it#like did you know I also have a store?#no one knows I have a store either#I'm out here selling books and making custom prints and then I just forget to tell people#I also have open commissions..#god I'm so bad at marketing myself#but I have to get better at it#or else I'm straight up not gonna be able to keep doing this...#my goal is to be making 1k a month on patreon before time and time again is over...#cause then I'll be able to like. at least mostly support myself on my comics moving forward......#I need uhm. 2k a month minimum... to barely scrape by living...#the ideal is 3k and up lol cause of like. taxes and stuff..?#but#2k is. minimum...#gah#I'm making 10% what I have to right now HAHAHAHAH#so I guess I'm giving myself a year to actually promote myself better to see if I can't get it up to a livable amount#so that I can keep making comics#without needing webtoon#cause they only pay me like 3k a month
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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse
#mcalhen personal#and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there#feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go “I got the job” bc friends who never support me would be like#“I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATS” cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like#but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything#I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week#but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they#treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work#and I can never help him at this rate#bc I can't help myself#I can't help anyone#and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life#as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things#as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family#y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS#I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation#but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news#at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain#bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all#and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work#I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already#no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness#also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e#but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it
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//we're getting places "you're not getting anywh-" WE'RE GETTING PLACES!!!!!!
#vis :: ( craig )#ver :: college ( craig )#mun art#//i've been struggling with him for so long#//and it's bc i wrote myself into a corner on one thread. to say that craig basically hasn't changed hairstyles in like 10 years#//and then eli was like ehhh give him some hair gel#//which i was terrified if doing bc... again... my former hc that said craig did NOTHING with his hair#//BUT I'M SO GLAD I DID IT... IT WAS ONLY ONE THREAD... IT CAN AND SHOULD BE RETCONNED#//the first one was heavily referenced off a picture of jonathan togo#//he's not a perfect 1-to-1 for craig but i like his head shape and slightly droopy eyes#//he's a lil dweeby lookin but still cute 💕#//and the other two were my attempts at loosening him up a bit#//trying to push him towards my cartoonier style so he better matches with tweek#//it is so easy to go BALLS TO THE WALLS with exaggerating tweek's features#//one of my favorite tweek drawings is the final girl comic where their eyes take up like 75% of their face lmfao#//craig is DECEPTIVELY hard to draw bc he is by all accounts Just Some Fucking Guy#//i'm so annoyed bc i cannot draw his hair at the angle that best accentuates his scars#//but whatever we'll suffer thru it every time; labor of love 💖#//accepting that i'm gonna have to suck at drawing craig until i start being really good at drawing craig JDKAJSKAJ#//craig with half his face torn up: no dude i'm good; i've never suffered anything in my life#//i gotta draw him and tweek together; that would help with getting them stylistically consistent#//i also have got to draw craig looking more pissed off wtf is he so happy for? >:(
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I've been making family OCs for the main three, the preps, and the greasers. At the rate I'm going I should have them all out by 2050 :)
Anyway here is a WIP of Gord's mom
#I wanna give her a stronger jawline but i keep messing up#mrs hopkins was a one time thing I'm never gonna pop off like that again#oh yeah her name is penny#art wip#wip#my art#bully cce#bully se#bully scholarship edition#canis canem edit#gord vendome#her right earring should not be hidden by her hair why'd i do that
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T’Pring Memes
#T'Pring is everything to me#SNW is the T'Pring show to me sorry about it v_v#Honestly T'Pring could blow up a planet and I'd be like 'she had her reasons i'm sure...let's hear the full story...'#Me @ T'Pring whenever she talks to Spock: ey is dis guy botherin you????#spock has ENOUGH stans....it is time for the T'Pring Girlies to emerge.....#snw please give me more T'Pring content so I can start writing T'Pring fic pleaaaaase thank you#also more uhura content I love her. T'Pring & Uhura are my faves so far <3 and my third favorite is Ortega#we don't know much about her yet but I'm digging the vibe. Tom Paris WISHES he were her LITERALLY.#ummmm idk any of the men on that show. M'Benga <3 aaaaand..............................pine tree..........kirk with a cartoon disguise#........the other vulcan thats not T'Pring............./j#If they ever make T'Pring into The Bad Guy with Spock I'm gonna become soooooo UNreasonable<3#T'Pring#SNW#also I don't hate chapel but she seems like she'd pour a glass of wine - give it to someone else and then drink from the bottle#as like a goof and that's her vibe so far#which v_v fine......if that's what you're into Spock. Her Quirky White Girl Swag#T'Pring is not a girlboss and she would never step on me nor would I ask her to - she's ju st trying her best!!!!!! she REALLY IS!! -crying-#I've been thinking of her since I saw that art this morning ....v_v#star trek memes#snw memes
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