#i'm never drawing a fucking guitar again no one let me do that

[orbitalbeetle]

kian stone!!!! based on this twt post

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

Down To Clown - M.YG

💦Who; Min Yoongi (BTS) x reader 💦What; Smut, producer/idol au/verse, friends to fuckers 💦Wordcount; 14kish 💦Warnings; they are both bi/pan, profanity, dirty talk, switch yoongi, switch reader, anal fingering(m), crying with pleasure, coming untouched, sex toys, lingerie, oral (m&f), marks, pegging, anal sex, multiple orgasms, oral fixation, biting, fingering, mentions of being infertile through choice, sex without a condom, penetrative sex, piv sex, cockwarming, somnophilia, choking, squirting, minor blood, mentions of knife play(it is not explored in this story)

Summary; You ask to finger one of your closest friends, he says yes and things get real fun after that.

Minors do NOT interact, which means reblogging/commenting on this story. I WILL block any account that interacts without an age indicator in the bio. -2024 Masterlist- Ao3 link

A/N- this was actually started 3 years ago with an OC so that i could get out my fantasy of topping yoongles, which means this was extremely self-indulgent. I just want to make Yoongi cry okay I've edited to the best of my abilities to change it from an OC to reader but if I've missed any pieces, pretend otherwise, thanks <3 @wonuvs enjoy, sweetheart 💖

Edited 25/10/24 - just grammar, formatting etc

The dark-haired rapper looks over exasperatedly at the third call of his name. "What?" He huffs when you don't say anything from where you're sitting cross-legged on the couch and instead choose to hold his gaze with wide, round eyes that he would call innocent if he didn't know you better than that by now.

"You've been with guys, right?" You question slowly.

"Yeah?"

"And you've bottomed?"

"You already know this. Get to the point."

"I'm working on it," you pout, absently tracing your fingers over the strings of the guitar laid across your lap. "So, you've had fingers in your ass?"

"Jesus, what the fuck?" He sputters in genuine shock at your out-of-the-blue question.

"You said get to the point!"

"I didn't think it would be about my ass,"

"It's not, really, just...asses in general. The male ass. With fingers. Guys getting fingered."

"Were you watching porn while hanging out with me?" He deadpans unimpressed.

"No." He gives you a disbelieving look. "Well not intentionally. I was on Twitter minding my own business and suddenly, bam! There was a gif of a guy getting fingered."

"So, you decided to watch it?"

"Yes."

"Despite the fact that you claim to not watch porn?"

"I don't. Never been interested." You shrug, and as much as Yoongi wants to argue and point out that people who aren't interested in porn don't watch porn gifs, he can't because he can see that you are being entirely honest.

"Right, okay." He lets out a breath, it sounds suspiciously like an exasperated sigh. "So, you watched this gif and decided to bring up my sex life?"

"Well, I've always been curious about fingering a guy like, what it feels like and the prostate sounds interesting like can you actually feel it? It's wild, man."

"You want to finger a guy?" He gawps, surprised by the revelation. You just nod.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Originally, I just wanted to peg a guy, I wanna know if I'd be any good with a dick and something about fucking a guy is really hot."

"I don't even know what to say," he murmurs truthfully. You shrug and run your hands over the guitar again, which draws his attention. "Well...your nails are short at least," he comments quietly.

"Easier for playing guitar and with myself."

"Holy fuck, you can't just..." He exhales and rubs his hands over his face.

"Sorry. I'm frustrated and my filter always vanishes when I'm like this."

"Frustrated about wanting to finger a guy?" He questions, dropping his hands onto his thighs carelessly to look at you again.

"Well, yeah, I guess but I meant sexually frustrated, like horny."

"Fuck me," Yoongi murmurs softly, but due to the lack of activity going on in the room you hear it loud and clear.

"I don't have a strap-on," you reply with a frown that looks oddly genuine.

"A strap-on...wait, I wasn't like, asking," he rushes out, cheeks flushed as he understands what you mean.

"Oh," your frown turns further downwards. "I'd probably be bad anyway."

"I've seen you dance, you can move your hips," he admits gruffly.

"Oh...in that case, your loss. I'd make you cum really good."

"Shut up," Yoongi grunts and shuffles in his seat while diverting his gaze elsewhere.

"Sorry." You remove the guitar from your lap to prop it back on its stand beside the couch without even getting up. Then, you stretch out and slouch slightly so that you can rest your head on the back of the couch with your bare feet planted firmly on the floor, legs spread in a way that your mother always scolded you for as it is 'unlady like'. "It's for the best anyway, I don't want to get sexually involved with someone who would just be thinking of someone else the whole time, you know?"

"What? Why are you assuming I'd be doing that?" He squares his eyes almost accusingly at you while crossing his arms over his chest.

"Because you're not attracted to me like that," your response is simple, easy, as if it is common knowledge; a fact of the world you had learned a long time ago.

"Who says?" You raise a challenging eyebrow. "I'm not blind, you're hot as fuck."

"Doesn't mean you're down to clown though."

"Not if you keep talking like that," he huffs, sitting back further in his chair.

You straighten a little with hope beginning to sparkle in your eyes. "That sounds like you'd at least consider it if I used other phrasing."

Yoongi says nothing and keeps his lips pressed together. The smirk that lifts your lips tells him that he's about to meet a version of you that he has only seen in the dreams he will never admit to waking up hard from- sometimes even shaking and coming down from an orgasm.

You sit up until you're fully upright, though your legs remain spread and Yoongi hates how it does something for him, how much it does for him. He has never before experienced a cocky female who isn't afraid to hold herself in a stereotypical male way, and honestly, it's the best of both worlds for him.

"Yoongi, Yoonie, babyboy," you coo, and he scoffs at the final term if only to hide and deny the blush winding up his neck. "Will you let me fuck you? Can I put my fingers in that pretty, perky ass of yours until you cum? Fuck, I bet you'd look so good being edged, so overwhelmed that you can't help but cry and babble absolute fucking nonsense while begging to cum," you murmur out, dark eyes growing heavier by the second.

"Fuck," Yoongi whispers, dick twitching in his boxers.

You don't respond and simply lean your right elbow on the backrest to lean your head against your fist. You just watch him, waiting; so patient for a response.

Almost as if you're playing with him, taunting, teasing, offering him the best seat in the house if only he is brave enough to admit to wanting it, and taking the first step.

Part of him is certain that you aren't doing that at all, that you are genuinely just waiting for him to think it over. That you're not willing to rush him or put any pressure on him to answer in a particular way. But a brand new part of him doesn't have a fucking clue what you're capable of in the bedroom.

After a tense handful of moments where you simply hold each other's gaze while Yoongi's mind runs wild hidden safely behind his eyes, he turns back to his desk.

Even though you're disappointed, you had honestly expected as much, so you don't stop to sulk or pout and instead reach back towards the guitar. You barely have your hand around the neck when you hear a drawer close a little too forcefully, especially as it's by Yoongi's hand, so you look back up and find that his computer programs are closed and only a music app is open. You release your grasp on the instrument and settle back to watch curiously.

Yoongi finds a playlist that you two often listen to; something full of smooth beats and low voices.

As the first song starts, he gets up and turns. He has something in his hands but it's hidden, at least until he has crossed the small distance between you to toss it onto the couch seat on your right. You can't help but look down and find a little bottle of lube on the cushion.

"If you're serious about wanting to try, I'm down to clown," he speaks, drawing your attention back. He's nervous and embarrassed, it's obvious to you even if he's trying his best to hide it.

"Most definitely." You nod and straighten up even further before patting your lap firmly. "C'mere."

"You want me on you?"

"You have no idea," you almost snort with your amusement, but hold it back. You pat your thigh again with your left hand while your right picks up the bottle.

"Oh right, uh, okay. Uhm, lemme just..." He quickly unzips his jeans to shuffle out of them and kick them aside, before moving forward to press his left knee on the outside of your right thigh. "I'm heavier than I look," he warns while gingerly placing his right knee on the other side of your thighs, one hand pushed against the backrest beside your shoulder for stability.

You roll your eyes and grab his hips to pull his body onto your lap. Yoongi hiccups on an inhale in surprise at the sudden action which leaves him perched on your stable thighs with wide eyes. "I can handle it, don't worry."

"You should know," he rushes out quickly, causing your hands to halt where they have started to run over his thighs; curious to explore the skin you have never seen exposed on him before. "I already cleaned up, I do every shower-"

"I know."

"H-how?"

"You told me when drunk once that you like to always be prepared to get dicked down. I figured out the rest due to the length of your showers, babe."

"Oh...right..." He chews on his bottom lip, which almost matches the tint on his cheeks. "Oh well, I was going to say that you should always make sure your guy is cleaned first because you know...asshole."

"Yeah, I got it," you grin and squeeze his thigh supportively, which only makes him jolt. "Are you sure you want to do this, Yoongi? I really won't be offended if you don't. I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything."

"No, no, I do. S'just...we've been friends for a while now and I never thought anything like this would happen between us. And I haven't been touched by anyone but myself in so long it kind of feels like the first time."

"I'll go slow."

"I know. I trust you. Wouldn't be doing this otherwise," he huffs out a small laugh.

"I'm glad. I trust you too." You smile at each other for a moment; allowing the moment to get used to what you're planning to do, even only a little. "So, Mr Min, you're in charge here, I've no fucking clue what I'm doing so you kind of need to lead me."

"Oh, right, yeah." He inhales, then pushes up a little to shimmy his boxers down under the crease where his ass meets his thighs, it allows him to keep his crotch hidden by the material just in case his t-shirt doesn't. He isn't quite prepared for one of his closest friends to see his flaccid dick, no matter what you're about to get up to.

When he settles back down, he's unable to look in your eyes but you don't make him knowing how shy he must feel right now.

"So uhm...you can start dry if you want, if you want to feel and get used to touching, just don't try and push in."

"You're okay with that?" He nods and takes the lube to fiddle with the bottle and free your right hand. You wait a second, just in case, before moving your hand around his body to curiously trail your fingers over his smooth ass, humming in approval at the lack of hair at all. "Smooth."

"Yeah I uhm, I shave," he admits.

"Must be awkward."

"A little." He sucks on his lip when your fingertip finds his rim and traces over it gently in an almost featherlight touch. "S'weird, right? Girls find it weird usually. For guys to be shaved."

"I don't like body hair on anyone regardless of gender. Wouldn't bother me much if you did have it, just that being hair-free is my preference."

"Does that mean you shave too?" He pointedly glances at your crotch.

"Wax, lasts longer."

"Oh." He swallows when your left hand leaves his thigh to pluck the bottle from his hands, giving him nothing to fiddle with. "I-I thought about trying but uh...seems hard to do alone."

"Yeah, kind of is," you admit, laughing softly and focusing on Yoongi's reactions to the sound of a cap opening and lube squirting out.

He lifts his right hand absently to chew on the skin beside his thumb; an anxiety fuelled habit he's working hard to quit.

"Hey." You lean forward to nudge the top of his head with your nose. He lifts it just enough to peer at you. "We can stop, seriously," you offer, tone genuine and soft.

He shakes his head and quickly lowers his hand to grasp your shirt as if he has only just realised what he's doing to his poor fingers. "I want to. Just nervous."

"What usually helps you relax with a partner?"

"Kissing."

"Do you want to kiss?" He blinks a few times before finding his eyes on your lips almost like he has never seen them before. "I'm more than happy to kiss you if it helps, baby."

"O-okay," He nods.

"No, not okay. Don't just agree with me, this won't work if you're not 100%, Yoongi."

"I am." He nods, firmer and more confidently. "I want to. Wanna kiss you."

"Alright," you agree with a short nod of your own. The syllables almost get sucked back into your throat when Yoongi suddenly surges forward to connect your mouths.

You wait for a few minutes until Yoongi is entirely absorbed in kissing before you press slick fingers against his rim. He jolts, and his mouth falters for a second before moving again; slower than before as if he's too busy focusing on what's about to happen compared to what he's doing. You don't blame him.

At first, you just circle his hole curiously until he squirms a little impatiently, and only then do you edge the tip of your index finger inside. Yoongi inhales sharply but doesn't jump or pull away. You wriggle your finger a little before pushing in further.

"You gotta let me know if I hurt you," you warn once your finger is in as far as possible. Yoongi nods in agreement and reconnects your lips by grabbing your face and pulling it back to his. You chuckle with amusement against his lips, though are more than happy to follow his wishes.

You start a gentle, curious rhythm of softly prodding around inside, punctuated with sliding your finger out then back in.

"M-more," he breathes out in no time at all, so you comply, pulling your finger out to return with another beside it. Yoongi lets out a soft moan at the barely there stretch, just a little more pressure at your knuckles that makes him sigh happily.

"It's okay?" You wonder.

"Y-yeah, can go a little faster if you want."

"Okay, baby," you agree, doing as asked knowing it's more of a request than a suggestion. He's too shy to ask for what he wants so you're going to have to read between the lines and you've already mentally prepared yourself for that.

You watch his reactions to your ministrations, his closed eyes and parted lips, as his hips take barely noticeable movements; which you follow to do the best you can for him.

Up until this point, you have entirely avoided his prostate. Yoongi assumes it's because you don't know where it is, that you are getting used to everything else first before trying to search for it. But you know where it is and haven't wanted to touch it yet. You want Yoongi to genuinely get used to your touch and enjoy it without his prostate being brought in.

When you pull your hand out and away entirely, his eyes open and he frowns at you with a little whine of complaint. "Why'd you stop? Are you finished?"

"No," you laugh and shuffle you both a little so that you can slide your arm in the gap between your spread thighs to reach underneath him and slide your fingers back inside. "This angle is better." You smirk and crook your fingers forward to press directly on his prostate. Yoongi's eyes roll back and he moans loudly. "Right?"

"F-fuck, I-I thought you didn't know..."

"What, where the prostate is?" You laugh as he wriggles on your hands at the attack of your fingertips relentlessly rubbing the sensitive patch. "I know exactly where it is, I've just never put it to use before."

"You su-sure?" His fingers knot in your hair when you wrap your free arm tight around his waist to hold him still, preventing his movements. "Shit, fuck."

"You like being held still?"

"Fuck off."

"Oh, really?" Suddenly, you stop your attack and pull out to lean back against the backrest with your elbows resting on the back. You lean your head on your left palm, the clean one, as the lube-slicked hand hangs limply.

"Wh-what?" Yoongi's eyes are wide with betrayal and desperation. "N-no, no, don't stop. Put your fingers back in my ass, come on," he whines, tugging at your arm, but you hold it firmly in place making him whine and bounce a little with frustration. "Please?"

"Good boy." Your right hand hovers between your bodies. "More lube."

He nods and obediently squirts out a fair amount of lube onto your waiting fingers. "Three now?"

"You want three?" You hum questioningly, sliding your arm back underneath to rub three fingers against his rim. He nods enthusiastically and tries to tilt his hips in a way to make them slide inside, yet you always move away with a grin.

"You're so mean."

"I am." He pouts cutely, making you giggle. "Okay, baby, I'll play nice." And you do; you slide two fingers back inside to stretch him out a bit more, then add the third. "That okay?" You ask, moving carefully to allow him time to get used to it.

"Y-yeah, s'good."

"Yeah?" He nods and circles his hips down against your hand. "Can you cum untouched?"

Yoongi falls still and opens his eyes to look at you; he honestly hadn't even realised that his eyes closed in the first place. "I've never tried," he admits.

"Can we try? I think it'd be really hot."

"Oh uh, okay," he agrees, cheeks flushing a little darker than the pleasure and slight exertion already has them.

"You can change your mind at any time, okay?"

"I know," he agrees, giving you a shy smile before leaning forward to return his lips to yours, so you straighten up and move your left arm from the back of the couch to wrap back around him.

You let him get used to the rhythm of your slow, deep kiss, which you've matched the movements of your fingers and he his hips to, before without warning, you push in harder and faster. Yoongi hiccups on a breath, which he doesn't have time to regulate before you pull out and repeat the action causing your hand to slap against his ass a little.

What follows is a string of whines and groans and swears from Yoongi's open mouth, head tipped back and hips bouncing. "So good, you're so good," he pants out, on the verge of mindlessness.

"I can be better," you promise. Yoongi's hole clenches at the thought, making you groan a little. "You're so fucking hot, Yoongi."

Yoongi gasps and bounces harder feeling his climax nearing. Your fingers curl and rub against his prostate with every thrust and his movements grow more desperate. Your left arm returns around his waist to hold him still and force him to just take it, which causes an almost sob to break from his throat.

"G-gonna cum," he announces, instinctively moving his hand between your bodies, but you remove your arm from around his waist to slap his hand away from where he almost has his cock in hand.

"Don't touch."

"Can't help it. Need it," he all but sobs while looking at you with wet, hooded eyes.

"No, you don't."

"But-" He reaches out again, and you huff in frustration before pulling your fingers out of his ass. "No! No! No! M'sorry! I'll be good!" He begs. "Don't stop, please."

"I won't, baby, it's okay, I'm going to make you cum," you assure soothingly and press a kiss to his lips while wiping the tears trickling down his ruddy cheeks. "But you're unable to not touch yourself so we need to move."

"M-move?" He sniffles.

"On your back." He nods and scrambles off of your lap to lay on his back on the couch. He kicks off his boxers and spreads his legs ready for you. You admire him for a moment, and only move when he wriggles self-consciously. "Sorry. You're so beautiful, you know that?"

"M'not," he huffs, looking away as you turn to settle between his thighs on your knees and lay his thighs over your own.

"You are, don't argue with me."

He pouts but doesn't argue further, which you find very interesting. He has essentially submitted to you and all it took was having his prostate touched.

For a moment, you stop to wonder if he's always that quick to submit or if it's because he trusts you and hasn't been touched by a hand except his own in so long.

After roaming your eyes over his pliant body under you, you decide that it's a thought for later though and wriggle a pillow behind his head to prop him up just a little into a more comfortable position against the armrest.

"Hands above your head, baby." He listens and lifts both arms to lay the backs of his hands against the armrest. When you lean over and cover his wrists with your left hand to pin them down, his eyes blow wide and a shiver runs through his body. "Oh, that is a very interesting reaction, sweetheart, we'll have to talk about it later but now." You slide your fingers back into him, loving the way his eyes immediately roll back and his back arches slightly as your fingertips drag over his prostate.

In this position, you can't stop Yoongi's hips jerking and doing their best to fuck himself back on your fingers that force consistent full moans from his open mouth that sound like they come from the bottom of his chest.

It's clear when Yoongi's teetering on the edge of his climax as his tone grows higher and his movements more desperate while his arms fight to be freed so that he can touch himself.

"Come on, baby, you can do it. Let me see how messy you can get without your cock being touched, huh? Gonna let me see what good boys can do, hm?" You encourage with your eyes darting all over him; stuck between watching his face, and the outline of his cock hidden underneath his t-shirt due to the fact neither of you had thought to move it. You really wish you had pushed it up because the thought of seeing Yoongi cum all over himself probably does a little too much for you to be able to admit.

"M'a good boy," he parrots mindlessly.

"Prove it. Cum for me."

He whines and his legs pull up towards his torso as his body curls in a little before a loud, long moan tears from his throat while his legs push out and his back arches, pushing his chest towards you with the force of his orgasm surging through his body. You remove the pressure on his prostate and slow your movements down enough to not overstimulate or hurt, yet still ride him through the pleasure with the slow drag.

When he slumps against the seat, chest shuddering with his heavy breaths, you gently remove your fingers making him shudder a little and whimper.

"It's okay, baby, you did so good for me. Such a good boy, thank you." You release his wrists, yet he makes no attempt to move, too tired from the most intense orgasm he has ever experienced. "I'm going to get some tissues from your desk, okay? I'll be right back." Yoongi frowns and pouts at the thought of being left, yet does nothing else, doesn't even open his eyes until you're back and gently wiping the lube from his ass. "Hey." You smile up at him when you notice he's more with it again, or at least enough to open his eyes. He pouts further. "What?"

"Kisses."

"Oh." You giggle and obligingly lean over him to press your lips to his.

The kiss is much slower and looser than any before; a clear reflection of how sated and lazy Yoongi feels, yet he still wants to kiss and softly lick into your mouth.

When you feel his movements get even slower, almost as if he's falling asleep while making out, you pull back. Yoongi whines and tries to chase your lips but he's back to not even bothering to open his eyes.

"Let me clean you up and then if you're still awake, we can kiss more, okay?" You reason.

"Hm, fine," He slurs sulkily, though stays almost motionless on the seat with hands still above his head as his face turns towards the back of the couch.

"Are you okay with me lifting your t-shirt?" He hums and nods a little, and you know that's the most you'll get from him, so you gently lift the t-shirt out of the drying mess to hold up and away. You don't even take a second to take in the mess on his skin or his flaccid dick, just quickly and carefully wipe him up as best as you can before tossing out the tissues and returning the bottle of lube to what you hope is the correct desk drawer.

You return to the couch with Yoongi's hoodie and are about to ask him to sit up to change out of the dirty top yet find him snoring softly already. Instead, you shuffle his boxers back up onto his body and settle them snugly against his hips before gently and painstakingly removing the soiled t-shirt.

You just about manage to get the hoody on his uncooperative body as he whines and tries to curl back against the cushions every time you almost accidentally rouse him out of his sleep.

Once you're done with your task, you admire his relaxed, sleeping features for a moment too long, and then settle up to his desk to watch some videos while he sleeps.

During a break in between episodes, you hear shuffling, so you remove the headphones and turn to find Yoongi shuffling to sit up while rubbing at his eyes. "Sleep well?" You ask softly.

He nods, and yawns for good measure, before stretching and then finally looking at you. "How long was I sleeping?"

"Couple hours."

"What?!" He baulks. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Didn't have the heart to, you were pretty fucking exhausted,"

"Oh, uhm…" He looks down at himself as the actions previous to his nap return to his mind. "So that happened...did you change me?" He tugs on his hoodie confused.

"Hm yeah, didn't think you'd appreciate waking up with a cum covered t-shirt."

"No yeah, right...thanks." He turns to sit properly and places his feet on the floor. "So uhm, are you sure you've never done that before?"

"Positive."

"But that was better than tops I've been with."

"Oh, really?" You beam proudly and he hums in confirmation with a nod. "Ah, well maybe it's because their intention isn't to make you feel good but to just get you ready so that they can stick their dicks in you," you suggest.

"Maybe." He shrugs and gets to his feet with a slight wince. "If this is how I feel with just your fingers, you'd destroy me with a dick," he comments while grabbing his jeans from the floor to wobble into.

You get up to help steady him so that he doesn't fall on his ass. "Would you let me?"

"What?"

"Fuck you, if I bought a strap-on?"

"Oh." He nods shyly.

"Words, baby, come on, you know the rules."

"Shut up." He huffs and bats you away while you snigger. You close down what you had been doing on the computer and return to the couch to flop down in a slouch. "Do you know where to buy one? A strap?" Yoongi glances at you as he buttons his jeans.

"Yep, the place I get my usual stuff from sells some interesting ones."

"I'm honestly concerned about what you mean by interesting."

"Look yourself." You get back up to sit at the desk and open up the adult toy store's website. "Sit." You pat your thighs invitingly. Yoongi only hesitates a moment before sitting on your lap so that you can look at the screen together.

"There is no way you're fucking me with that," he deadpans when you point out an honestly obnoxiously huge dildo with ridges.

"Oh, so I can fuck you then?"

"With a normal one, yes," he agrees, and moves your hand from the mouse to scroll himself. "Here look, normal." He points to a very basic-looking realistic dildo.

"Boo, boring. At least try a tentacle." He glares at you, making you laugh. "Joking. How big do you like?"

"Uhm just average is good."

"Bullshit, you scream size queen to me." Yoongi sputters but doesn't argue. "Find one that looks the best to you."

"This is embarrassing," he whines.

"No, it's not. Be a good boy and pick a cock to be fucked with, Yoongi," you hum against his neck, earning a shiver. Yoongi doesn't hesitate to begin intently looking at all the options. "Hm, good boy." You press an approving kiss against his skin and wrap your arms around his waist to squeeze a little. He jolts in surprise, but then shuffles a little to settle in your hold.

After a little while of careful consideration, Yoongi shyly points out the one he likes the best and wants to try with you.

"Okay, add it to the basket." So, he does. "And now find a smaller one."

"What?" He looks over his shoulder at you with a confused frown. "Why?"

"Because I've never done this before so I don't want to go in with that one first and hurt you. Start small and build up to it."

"Oh, okay, that's smart." He agrees and returns his attention to the computer. He doesn't take as long to find a smaller dildo and add it to the basket. "Need a harness now," he murmurs, clicking through to find the right section. "What kind do you want? There's underwear style ones with a connection on the front or ones that are essentially harnesses."

"I don't know. Maybe get one of each style to try?"

"Okay. What size?"

"I don't know, depends on their size guide. I haven't bought lingerie from this site so I don't know what their sizing is like."

"Lingerie?" Yoongi looks at you with interest. "You have lingerie?"

"Yeah."

"Oh...will you wear some for me?"

"You want me to?" He nods. "Okay. We can look on here too and see if there's anything in particular you'd like to see."

"Why didn't we do this earlier?" Yoongi groans, then leans over to kiss you for a moment. "You're the best."

"I know," you giggle and pat his thighs. "Find the size guide."

A few days later, Yoongi finds himself seated at the head of your bed with his back against the headrest watching you unpack the box in front of him.

The order had arrived that morning. You had excitedly texted Yoongi the moment it did, and he had immediately cleared his evening plans.

As soon as his work day ended, Yoongi rushed home to drop off his stuff and shower thoroughly ready, then quickly made his way to your apartment.

So here he is, both nerves and excitement running through his body knowing that soon, you will be fucking him.

As each item is placed on the bed, Yoongi fidgets more and more. Just seeing the picture of the dildo on the side of the box has his dick plumping up.

He doesn't know it, he’s too busy staring down at all the new items, but you notice his fidgeting and reactions; the pink of his cheeks and the increased frequency of his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Even though you've only had one session of sexual activity together, you're pretty confident that you've correctly read his body language as rapidly growing arousal.

For a few moments longer, you continue to unpack the large box but pay no attention to it and only watch Yoongi's intent, wide gaze on the items. His obvious arousal is making your own heat up under your skin.

Suddenly, you quickly repack almost everything making Yoongi jerk with concern and make a questioning noise.

"We can look at it after I've fucked you," you declare when Yoongi's confused eyes find your own darkening ones.

Yoongi swallows thickly and nods dumbly in agreement.

"Do you want me to put anything on?" You ask, motioning to the lingerie that you have left out. Yoongi looks at it, mouth open and genuinely considers it, whether he wants to see the lingerie or get fucked more. "If it helps, I'm wearing a set I already had under this." You point to your outfit of a zipped-up hoodie and basketball shorts. Yoongi swallows again and nods slowly. "What?"

"I wanna see that."

"Okay." You giggle and toss the lingerie from the mattress into the box before picking the whole thing up and moving it to the floor out of the way. "I want to try the harness one today, it matches what I'm wearing." You grin excitedly while picking up the box containing the wet-look-style strappy harness.

"Matches?" Yoongi mutters. You hum in confirmation. "Fuck."

You peer up at him through your eyelashes and giggle, before pressing one knee onto the mattress and leaning closer to him.

"You're going to ruin me, aren't you?" He realises in a mumble.

"I'm certainly going to try," you reply, a little breathless at the thought. You place your empty hand on his thigh to squeeze a little making his breath hitch and legs jolt, before you lift your hand only to slap his inner thigh gently and dart forward to place a disproportionately sweet peck on his lips. "I want you as naked as you're comfortable with by the time I get back from the bathroom."

"O-Okay," he agrees easily. You grin, then lower for a more thorough kiss; one that lingers even when you're out of the room, taking the harness and smaller dildo with you to clean thoroughly. "Fuck," Yoongi exhales and takes a second to gather his wits before getting up to quickly remove all of his clothing except for his boxers; a brand new set of tiny black shorts that do nothing to hide that his dick is hard and trying to escape from the waistband.

Yoongi feels very vulnerable and exposed as he sits there on the bed in nervous wait. He crosses and uncrosses his arms over his chest self-consciously a few times before reaching out to pick up the rather large bottle of anal lube left on the bed.

It's while he's reading the bottle to give himself something to do after removing the packaging so that it can actually be used, that you return sans shorts and with the unpackaged dildo in your hand.

You pause at the doorway and stare at him causing him to put the bottle down so that he can fold his arms over his bare chest again. "Shit, sorry, sorry, fuck, I didn't mean to make you feel self-conscious," you apologise while rushing over. You carefully place the dildo upright on the side table beside the lube bottle before climbing up onto the bed and gently laying your hands over his arms. "You're just so beautiful, Yoongi, my brain short-circuited seeing you waiting for me on my bed like this. Like holy fucking shit, what kind of saint did I save in a past life to get Min fucking Yoongi waiting on my bed?"

"You don't need to be so dramatic," he huffs, though his cheeks are hot with his blush and he allows you to tug his arms to his sides.

"I'm not." He gives you a disbelieving expression. "I'm not! I swear! I'd never tell you empty words, Yoongi, you mean too much to me for me to ever even consider betraying your trust like that."

Your words are so genuine that Yoongi can't help but believe them and accept the truth, making his body warm further understanding that you genuinely think of him in such a way.

"Good," he decides with a shy little nod. "Did you get the harness on okay?"

You hum and nod, leaning up onto your knees in front of him and lifting your hands to the zipper of your jumper. "Wanna see?"

"Of course, I wanna-" He cuts off with a choke when you abruptly open the zipper revealing a glimpse of a crisscross of straps across the revealed skin of your torso. He doesn't even have it in him to curse under his breath when you remove the jumper to toss aside carelessly.

If all of his blood hadn't rushed south and left no brain power behind, Yoongi would see that you definitely aren't as confident as you have been acting; your hands twitch at your sides and your teeth gently clamp on your bottom lip.

But Yoongi is too hypnotised by your body wrapped in intricate lengths of black, wet-look material that make you look like the present of his wet dreams.

"So?" You ask what feels to you like at least ten minutes later when Yoongi still hasn't done anything but stare jaw dropped at you.

To your relief, your sudden voice snaps Yoongi back to reality and makes him drag his lust-darkened eyes up to yours.

Without a word, he gets up until he's on his knees mirroring you, before taking your face into his hands to kiss heavily. The little noise you can't prevent from escaping your mouth makes Yoongi groan deeply and lower one hand so that he can wrap his arm around your waist and pull you closer while he moves too until you're pressed together.

Feeling the smooth latex under his hand has Yoongi's dick twitching back to life where it's pressed between your bodies. It makes you giggle upon feeling it, before pressing your body forward just enough to make Yoongi groan at the pressure.

"I assume that's a good reaction?" You hum breathlessly when the kiss breaks, and you motion to yourself to show that you mean his reaction to how you look.

"You have no idea how sexy you are to me," Yoongi replies a little dumbly, making you giggle through your blush. "I'm really fucking glad you got this harness and ignored my hesitation on the wet look. I never knew I was into it until now."

"I have a wet-look dress," you inform. "And I'm going to wear it when we next all go out, just to wind you up."

"Please don't make me get hard in public, I'm an idol," he whines. "I can't be caught with a boner."

"Guess you better learn to control your dick then." You grin and nudge him back. "Lay down, I really wanna get my hands on your ass as soon as possible; I've been thinking about this non-stop for four days."

"You have?" Yoongi replies while doing as told and moving backwards until he's laid down in the centre of the bed with his head on the pillows. You hum in confirmation while taking the chance to rake your eyes over his body hungrily.

It makes Yoongi's body warm to see how much you like his body, even though he doesn't think it is anything special at all. "M-me too," He admits, causing you to look up at his face and smile softly at him. He smiles back shyly, before bravely reaching down to hook his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers.

Your eyes at once snap down to watch as he slowly pushes his underwear down until he has to lift his hips up to slide them over his ass and to his thighs, where you take over and carefully remove the cloth entirely from his body to drop to the floor beside the bed.

And then you look at him to take him in in his fully nude state. Your cheeks visibly warm and your mouth drops open just enough for your tongue to poke out and prod your bottom lip. "Can I suck your dick?" You ask bluntly, licking your lips again.

"Really?" You nod and shuffle closer until Yoongi has to spread his legs to allow you to kneel between them with your hands on his smooth thighs. "Y-yeah," he agrees, nodding quickly even if you're entirely enraptured by his erection so don't see his action.

Without hesitation, you lower down onto your left elbow and wrap one hand loosely around his erection just to hold it up and allow you to slide it into your mouth enthusiastically. Yoongi's hips instinctively kick up at the sudden, wet warmth and he curses, reaching out to slide his fingers into your hair. You make a happy sound around his length and wiggle your hips as you work him in your mouth, which draws Yoongi's attention to your ass where it's stuck up in the air and showing off your curves in the straps.

"Jesus, fuck," he grunts. "Fucking-fuck-look at you," he breathes out, eyes dragging over your body and down to where your lips are wrapped around his dick, eyes up on him. He swears again. "You need to stop or I'm going to cum," he warns.

You heed his warning and pull off with a soft laugh. "I was there for like ten seconds," you point out amusedly.

He shrugs and looks away embarrassed, only to look back with a gasp when you attach your mouth to his inner thigh to suck a bruise into. "Shit," he chokes, legs shaking a little.

Suddenly overcome with desperation, he reaches out to grab the lube and shove it against your shoulder.

"Hm, okay, baby," you agree while sitting up on your knees again so that you can take the bottle and pump some of the contents onto your fingers. "Do you want it like this or a different position?" You ask, putting the bottle aside on the mattress for when you need it again.

"This," he answers, grabbing a spare pillow to wiggle under his hips. "Wanna see you."

"Okay." Your smile is happy and you lean down over him to press your lips to his.

Yoongi lifts both hands to gently hold your face as you kiss slowly and deeply.

His breath hitches as your wet fingers touch his rim, though he doesn't stop kissing you. A little whimper leaves his throat as one finger slowly edges in. You make a curious sound at the much less resistance compared to the last time you had your fingers inside of Yoongi yet say nothing and add a second.

"Did you already finger yourself?" You ask, unable to stop yourself when you can already add a third.

"Y-yeah," he confirms. "Is that okay? Are you upset?"

"I mean, usually I would definitely like to prep you myself; your ass is the eighth wonder of the world-" He rolls his eyes, making you laugh. "But I honestly think it's best to not get me that turned on today so that I can have at least some self-control when fucking you for the first time."

"Fingering me turns you on?" You nod. "Oh, I didn't realise, you seemed normal last time."

"I wanted to focus on you too much to pay attention to it. But after, jeez, I had to watch a very dry show to calm myself back down," you snigger with amusement at the memory.

"M'sorry."

You frown confusedly down at him and remove your fingers from his ass. He's about to complain but notices you're reaching for the dildo so instead presses his lips together.

"For what?" You wonder.

"What?"

"You apologised. Why?"

"I fell asleep."

"Yeah?" Your head tilts down as you look at the harness so that you can attach the dildo properly.

"I didn't get you off." You laugh a little. "What?" He frowns. "Why's that funny?"

"All I wanted was to finger you, I didn't want you to do anything but cum yourself and you definitely did that so I was more than happy with your involvement, Yoon, there was nothing else I wanted from that experience."

"So, you didn't want to cum?" He looks at you disbelievingly until you lift your head having successfully attached the toy after a little fiddling.

"It wasn't the plan, no."

"But did you want to?"

"I mean, I haven't been that turned on in a long time, well until now. But if I wanted to cum, I could've gone and taken care of it while you were asleep. Just because I made you cum, it doesn't mean you owe me one, that's not how this works, Yoon."

"I know," he mumbles, running his hands down your body to finger the harness until he locates the dildo and can wrap his hand around it and tug, forcing you to get closer between his spread-wide thighs. "But I want to. Wanna make you feel good."

"You do, trust me, you do," you assure, before pressing a sweet, short kiss to his lips. "Can I fuck you now?"

"Definitely." He nods, eyes wide with anticipation.

With excitement in your eyes, you reach down to knock Yoongi's hand from the dildo so that you can apply more than enough lube. Yoongi is staring at you questioningly when you look back up at him.

"What? I like it messy," you giggle shyly, and look back down so that you can watch as you guide the toy to Yoongi's awaiting hole.

"You do?" You nod. "Me too." You grin brightly up at him, happy at the shared interest, before slowly pushing your hips forward. Yoongi's eyes widen a little and his lips part as he's breached by the toy.

"Okay?" You worry.

"Yeah, keep going," he confirms, looping his fingers into the straps over your hips to pull you towards him at a speed quicker than you would've moved yourself, but if anyone knows Yoongi's limits, it's Yoongi himself, so you let him.

In no time at all, your hips are pressed flush to him and he's breathing a little heavier at being full.

"Fuck me, come on, fuck me," he breathes out encouragingly, removing his fingers from the straps to give you control back and instead press his palms to your waist.

"Okay, baby," you hum and press a kiss to his chest, before leaning up onto your haunches and use your hands to press Yoongi's thighs open further.

Yoongi swallows thickly and knows he will never come back from this the same and you haven't even moved yet. And then you do, slowly dragging back before shoving forward and knocking a moan from Yoongi that he wasn't aware he could produce. You smirk at him before tightening your hold and repeating the action.

"F-fuck," he stammers, gripping the bedding beneath him in an attempt to ground himself. You've only thrust twice and he's already leaking on his stomach.

"Okay?" He nods madly. "Hm, let's get that better." The look on your face is a little dark and very determined, and Yoongi keens before you've even pulled back out.

This time, you adjust your position a little to get yourself better leverage to essentially pull back, and then pound into Yoongi while simultaneously rolling your hips and causing Yoongi's back to arch and his eyes to roll back. He's not going to last at all.

It's not even a minute of the unbelievably good fucking later that Yoongi wraps a shaking hand around his cock to tug at it desperately for only a few seconds before his body pulls tight and he comes all over his torso.

You watch the whole ordeal with hooded eyes and an open mouth as you pant from exertion and arousal. Not knowing if Yoongi gets overstimulated quickly and not wanting to hurt him, you quickly slow your movements and stop when his hand falls from his cock.

While Yoongi lays there breathing heavily with his chest heaving and eyes closed, you pull out and remove the dripping toy from the harness.

Without a word, you get up and move to the bathroom to rinse off the toy and leave it on the counter to wash properly later, and then you grab a washcloth to dampen it and return to Yoongi. He blinks his eyes open when you clamber back onto the bed and start to clean him up.

By the time you've finished cleaning his chest and ass up, Yoongi's breathing is back to normal and he's watching you, looking more satisfied than you've ever seen him.

"Hey." You smile as you settle beside him, washcloth on the side table behind you. He purses his lips at you, so you lean forward to kiss him slowly. When you pull back, you remain on your side propped up with your head on your left hand. "How you feeling? I didn't go too hard, did I?"

"I'm pretty sure how quick I came answers that," he huffs, pouting at the ceiling. "Swear I'm not usually that quick."

"It was hot, I don't mind the time frame," you reply honestly, and lean down to kiss his shoulder. "I knew you'd look good coming on yourself," you hum against his skin. "Wish I had photographic memory so I never forget a moment of that sight."

"Shut up."

"I'm being serious!" You lift up and pout at him. "I'm sad that I won't forever remember it that well."

"Well...it's not like that's the only chance you'll get to see it." He shrugs, turning onto his right side to face you, so you lower to lay down too. "I can't get over how good you are at these sexual things you've never done before."

"I'm naturally gifted."

Yoongi chuckles and nods. "Yeah, you are. I'm both scared and excited to see how much better you'll get with practice. You're going to own my ass in no time, I won't be able to fuck anyone else because they won't be as good as you. Fucking Pavlov me."

"Don't think that's the right term but I'll take it." He doesn't respond and instead shuffles closer to kiss you.

Yoongi's left hand travels down to hold onto one of the strips of material over your ribs. "How hard is this to get off?"

"A lot." He groans. "Why?"

"Wanna eat you out." Your eyes blow wide in shock. "I can't tell what that look means."

"No one's said that to me before," you admit softly.

"What?" Yoongi's frown is beyond offended. "How could no one say that to you?" He huffs and leans up while nudging you onto your back. You go willingly with a shrug. "Well, I really want to. Can I?" You nod and reach down to unclasp the buckles of the harness. Yoongi shuffles down the bed so that he can pull it off your legs once you've opened it. "How do we-" he cuts off when he looks up and realises that the straps of the lingerie have been designed to leave your crotch entirely bare. "Fuck."

Immediately, Yoongi lowers down onto his stomach between your thighs and presses them wider to stare at where you're glistening with arousal.

"How is all of you so fucking perfect?" Even though it's a question, he's really talking to himself, his voice low and thick with arousal.

Yet even if he is talking to you and expects a response, you wouldn't be able to form one, your voice is stuck in your throat with nerves.

"Tell me if I do something you don't like, okay?" He speaks, leaning up enough to make eye contact with you. You just nod, cheeks flushed pink and your bottom lip sucked nervously between your teeth. Yoongi shoots you a gentle smile, then lowers to press a soft kiss to your hip.

You watch intently as Yoongi trails soft kisses across your skin and over the shiny fabric digging slightly into your thigh due to your legs being spread by Yoongi's hands. He stops at your inner thigh in between two straps, seemingly entranced by the little bulge caused by the material.

As if he doesn't have any control, Yoongi opens his mouth a little wider and clamps down making you gasp. The noise brings him back to reality and he almost pulls off but as he's releasing his jaw, your gasp fully registers and he realises that it wasn't a bad gasp at all.

Instead of continuing to open his jaw, he closes it further and fights down his own groan feeling his teeth press into the giving flesh before he sucks a little harsher than he normally starts off, yet you whimper and your left hand flutters atop his head in a way that feels as if you want to grasp but aren't brave enough. So, Yoongi sucks harder, borderline painfully, and is rewarded with fingers in his hair and grasping securely, encouragingly.

Yoongi suckles the spot for a moment longer before pulling off with a pop.

You both eye the bright red mark and admire the indents left by his teeth before Yoongi suddenly darts down again.

You had expected him to attach to the mirrored spot on your other thigh but he shocks you by suctioning to the soft, smooth flesh over your pubic bone, so close to your clit that it makes it tingle.

You're so caught off guard that the moan of pleasure escapes your mouth before you can stop it. You loosen your right hand from the sheets with every intention of lifting it to cover your mouth in embarrassment; it was too loud of a noise for such a small act in your mind.

It seems that Yoongi knows you too well though, despite never having done anything like this together before, as his left hand quickly darts up and grabs your wrist causing you to fall still.

You blink down at him and find his dark eyes on you warningly. Your arm twitches upwards and his grip tightens even as his mouth neither moves to detach or do anything more.

Yoongi's eyes square a little; a silent command, and although you don't really listen to anyone usually regardless of circumstance, you nod obediently and relax your arm. Yoongi's gaze relaxes and he directs your hand to your own thigh just so that he can link your fingers together while also allowing him to still keep pressure on your thighs to have them remain open for him.

Really, Yoongi would've loved to take advantage of the fact that you're the first person to seem to like the rougher biting his gums always ache for, but he was determined to give you the best head you'll ever have before his oral fixation kicked in, and now he's reminded of that upon seeing the way you actually submitted to him, even a little.

He decides that you definitely deserve a reward for that alone.

Only a little reluctantly, Yoongi slowly releases his suction and pulls back just enough to allow the sight of the forming bruise to shoot a lick of arousal into his stomach, before he lowers even further to softly trail his tongue up your folds, carefully avoiding your hole and clit not wanting to jump in too fast for you on your first time receiving oral.

A fact that honestly makes him kind of angry; how could no one have offered to go down on you? It's vile and selfish in his mind, and he wants to give you the best experience he possibly can.

You don't make any noise in response, so he doesn't know if you like it, but at the very least, you don't try to remove either of you from the situation, so you're willing to let him continue.

For a few minutes, Yoongi keeps his actions relatively soft everywhere he touches, yet he still doesn't gain much of a response from you. You're breathing a little heavier and he can see that your eyes are closed; you do look like you're enjoying yourself but you're quiet.

If he hadn't heard a moan moments before, he would assume that you're just quiet in general during sex, but he had and he wants more. You sounded so good that he honestly wants to record you to replay back when he's alone with a hand in his pants. Maybe you're just not that into oral.

Not wanting to be a letdown, Yoongi carefully tugs his hand free from your grasp and presses your own palm to your thigh. When he sees your fingers curve a little to hold your thigh, he smiles to himself and presses a finger to your hole lightly; a warning of what's to come. You don't pull away, so he slowly presses in, watching entranced as you swallow him up with no issue.

Feeling you ready to take another, he pulls out and adds another finger alongside the first and watches all the same as soft, wet heat envelops them both happily. Although there isn't much resistance per se due to how wet you are, there's definitely more pressure on his fingers, especially around his second knuckle. He looks up to watch your reaction as he pushes in, in case any sign of discomfort appears.

Your eyebrows furrow the tiniest amount, and your mouth drops open a little wider as a stuttered breath leaves. Your hips push down slightly, shyly almost, and all worry leaves Yoongi. You like it and want more.

So, he gives it to you, pushing his fingers in completely, only slightly faster than his original pace but you immediately react and suck in a breath.

Suddenly, it hits Yoongi that you had reacted so strongly enough to moan when he was being harsh and rough. You like the borderline pain and firmer actions, not the soft gentle touches he has been trying thinking it will be the best move for your first time.

With this revelation, Yoongi attaches his mouth directly to your clit and sucks while pulling his fingers out just to the second knuckle where they're widest and using that girth to stimulate your opening. Immediately, you gasp and moan breathily, tightening your fingers in his hair enough to make him moan around your clit.

The pace Yoongi takes up fucking his fingers into you is fast and just a level below hard considering he isn't left-handed and the angle isn't the easiest to navigate while he's toying endlessly with your clit with his mouth; teeth included making his own body sing with arousal.

He's definitely hard and leaking between the mattress and his stomach.

Yoongi can't believe how worked up he's getting so quickly. Sure, he always loves giving oral, especially if it means he also had his fingers in a wet, warm hole, but he never gets hard from it after already being fucked so well. But you react so well to his rough actions, and you seem to love the intensity of his oral fixation allowing him to really suction and bite as much as he wants.

Honestly, if he couldn't feel you tightening around his fingers and your hips shaking with the effort of keeping still, Yoongi would be certain that he's much more into the activity than you are. But your approaching orgasm is clear, especially with your frequent little moans growing closer together and higher in pitch. Though he does kind of wish you wouldn't control yourself like that, he kind of really most definitely wants you to fuck his face.

Maybe he'll have to ask you to sit on his face one day, and preferably very soon.

"Yoon," you warn with a gasp, eyes flying open to stare down at him, but his eyes are closed and focused, though he does squeeze your thigh a little to show that he heard and understands. You let your eyes close again and your head tips back as the pleasure teeters right on the edge.

One more run of Yoongi's teeth over your swollen clit sends you tumbling over, cursing as the orgasm shoots through your body quickly.

Usually, it'd be over as quick as that, but Yoongi hasn't stopped his movements; if anything, he seems more eager to lap around his fingers and fuck into you. He even curls his fingers up into that spot he's found but not yet focused on, to now zero in on it and apply an almost torturous amount of pleasure that's borderline painful with the orgasm barely even over.

"Oh, fuck," you whine, curling your fingers tight enough into your thigh that your short, blunt nails dig in sharply.

A second orgasm hits out of nowhere, and you gasp deeply, curving your back at the intensity and lose all control of your hips. Yoongi moans deeply as he's forced face-first into your pussy where he happily attaches his mouth to suck yet another bruise harshly.

As soon as you've mostly come down from the second orgasm to the point that you're mentally back on Earth, you tighten your grip in Yoongi's hair to tug him up while he makes a noise of complaint at being pulled away from eating you out, so that you can kiss him heavily, careless of your taste on his tongue and lower face that's glistening with your own arousal.

That at least stops his complaints and he quickly settles into the kiss, lowering down his top half, yet keeping his hips up so that his naked erection doesn't touch you. You realise what he's doing and hook your legs over his hips to tug him down, making him groan deeply as his erection slips against your slick skin.

"Can't believe you got me hard already," he grunts, lowering his head to kiss down your neck. You turn your head to give him better access. and when he starts to suck, you grind your hips up against him. "Fuck," he pants.

"Want you to fuck me," you admit a little breathlessly.

"Seriously?" You nod and whine a little while grinding harder and feeling his hard length rub firmly over your clit. "Shit, okay, condom?" You shake your head making him sigh. "Then-"

"I'm clean and got my tubes tied," you inform, turning your head to him when he pulls back to look down at you.

"Me too; clean and vasectomy," he mumbles in disbelief. Your eyes light up with excitement that reflects in his. "So, we're both free of transmittable diseases and infertile," he summarises.

"Which means you can fill me up and make a mess."

"Fuck."

With no reason to hesitate, or the will to, Yoongi reaches down to grip his erection and line up with your entrance. Your legs drop to the mattress to spread wide and Yoongi pushes in.

"Ah, fuck," you whimper as he pushes in, your eyes fluttering closed and hands gripping his sides.

"You okay?" You nod rapidly. "Doesn't hurt?"

"Feels good."

"Y-yeah," he agrees, lowering his gaze to watch as his cock fills your pussy and leaves his vision, buried snugly in your warmth. "Fuck, feel so good, baby." Your eyes blink open at the petname to look at him in surprise. "What?"

"Baby?"

He's genuinely puzzled for a second, before he recalls that he just called you that without thought and his cheeks warm with embarrassment. "Sorry, didn't realise."

"I'm not opposed, like at all, fucking love petnames," you admit easily, and lift your arms to wrap around his neck loosely while a mischievous glint appears in your eyes.

Before Yoongi can question what exactly that means, you rock your hips, making him suck in a sudden inhale and shudder at the unexpected friction on his cock.

You burst into laughter at his reaction and flop down onto the mattress. "Did you get possessed?"

"Shut up," he huffs while his cheeks burn with embarrassment. "You surprise attacked me."

"Surprise attacked," you cackle, your hands cupping your own cheeks and fingers pressing into where your cheeks bunch the highest.

Yoongi pouts at you, which only makes you giggle; a different kind of laugh, one more adoring for his cute expression, but it still isn't what he wants and he's feeling petty.

Without warning he pulls back his hips, then slams forward, punching a strangled gasp of pleasure from your mouth as your hands fly up to brace against the wooden poles of the ornate headboard. Yoongi smirks at your wide-eyed and open-mouthed expression, then reaches up to brace himself with one hand against the flat of the headboard while his other slides under your lower back until he can wrap his arm around you enough to hold your body still. And then, he wastes no more time and starts almost brutally fucking you.

It's intense and pleasurable in a way you're not used to; of course, you have been fucked hard before, but it was never like this. Not because people haven't tried but they simply can't pull the pleasure from your very soul like Yoongi seems to be doing.

Even if you want to, you wouldn't be able to stop the stream of pleasured sounds from leaving your open mouth, but you don't even want to; don't feel like hiding as you aren't the only one who seems unable to clamp their own vocals. Yoongi is just as loud as you are and it honestly only turns you on even more.

Usually, both you and Yoongi like to talk to your partners; check in and praise them, talk dirty and tease, yet neither of you has it in you to do it. You couldn't even talk if you try, not past the occasional swear or utter of the other's name or a petname.

Yoongi quickly takes up calling you princess and you have to admit, you really fucking like how it sounds from his lips. Others have tried to use the petname with you before but you could never take it seriously and tended to laugh or to fuck off, depending on the situation. Yet with Yoongi, it sends warmth to your chest that trickles into your stomach and lower to add to the quickly-growing impending orgasm.

Yoongi has no idea how he's keeping up the pace; his chest is heaving and his thighs are burning, and he's certain he's so close to getting a cramp in his left ass cheek somehow, but he can't give any mind to it; it's all on you and how fucking good you feel wrapped around his cock.

You keep sporadically squeezing him and he doesn't know if it's a sign of a nearing orgasm or just how you feel pleasure but either way, it feels beyond fucking words and he both never wants it to end and is chasing his orgasm desperately. He wants to fill you up and then watch his cum spill out from your pussy afterwards.

Fuck, maybe you'll even let him fuck it out of you, perhaps in the shower once he has his strength back after a much-needed nap.

When you remove one hand from the headboard and shove it down between your bodies to play with your clit roughly, Yoongi makes certain to keep his movement the same to not ruin your pleasure.

Watching you touch yourself all but shoves him headfirst over the edge and his hips jerk unintentionally as his orgasm hits, spilling cum into you with a few breathless moans of your name. Your breath hitches in response, before you're squeezing him tight, earning more pleasured curses to fall from his mouth as he feels your orgasm in the rhythmic tightening of your walls pulsating around his cock.

Slowly, you both fall still with closed eyes and heavy breathing as you ride out the aftershocks and last dregs of pleasure.

"Jesus fuck," Yoongi's the first to speak some minutes later when he finally has his head screwed on relatively straight and is only panting a little. You laugh at his comment, but it's definitely an agreeing sound.

Jesus fuck indeed.

"I'm not sure who is gonna Pavlov who here," you muse, reaching out to cup his face in both hands. "C'mere."

Yoongi goes willingly, lowering down and wincing a little as he feels his soft dick slipping out, but neither of you comment on it, you’re both too interested in kissing; happy and sated, and kind of lazy, but it's good.

When the kiss breaks, Yoongi clambers off of you and drops down at your side, sinking on his right side comfortably against the pillow and letting his body relax. "I need a nap," he mutters, earning an amused giggle while you turn onto your left side to face him. "Actually no, fuck a nap, need a coma."

"You're ridiculous."

"If you tell me you still have the energy to fuck, you're insane."

"I mean...give me like ten minutes to get a drink and yeah, I probably could."

"Fucking hell, you're going to kill me," he groans, turning his head into the pillow, but the noise isn't exactly one of argument.

"Good way to go though, right?" You grin, and he looks back at you with a chuckle.

"Definitely." He reaches out with a heavy arm to tug on the straps over your stomach. "C'mere, wanna spoon my princess."

"Are you trying to get fucked?" You comment, making him snort out a tired laugh. Instead of going to him, you roll out of bed making him whine and pout in complaint. "I'll be right back, I really do need a drink."

"Hurry," he mumbles, letting his eyes flutter close.

You hobble to the kitchen as quickly as you can so that you can gulp down as much cool water as possible without making yourself sick and then you refill your glass.

You're about to fill a glass for Yoongi too but considering how tired he is, you know he won't sit up even to drink if his mouth is dry. So, you find a bottle with a straw that you hope won't spill if on its side and fill that with cold water instead.

You return to your bedroom and place your glass down before tucking the bottle by Yoongi and guiding the straw into his open mouth. He's pretty much asleep but the touch wakes him, and although he doesn't know what's going on in his sleep-addled mind, when you tell him to drink and tap the straw on his lip, he wraps his lips around it to do as told and gropes around until he finds the bottle to hold steady without opening his eyes.

You take the chance to struggle your way out of the lingerie on your body and toss it aside to deal with later.

By the time you clamber back onto the bed, Yoongi's fallen asleep again, bottle still held and straw to his lips. You giggle amusedly and remove the item, making him snuffle awake again. Once the bottle is beside your glass, you shuffle down with your back to him and pull his arm over your waist.

Yoongi hums happily and shuffles closer until you're pressed together and his face is in your neck. He inhales deeply and tightens his arm around your waist, tucking his hand up by your chest, and that's when he suddenly realises that he can feel nothing but skin against his own. He jolts up a little onto his right elbow and peers blearily down at you. You watch his expression from over your shoulder; you see the fatigue slip away and his tongue wet his lips as he notices that for the first time, you're completely naked.

"You're naked," he mumbles, tracing his left hand over your waist and hip, watching the trail his touch takes. You just hum in confirmation and allow him to touch all the new skin he can see. "Beautiful," he sighs out, and then lowers back down to curl around your back.

You can feel his dick against your ass and it has definitely plumped up a little in the past moments, and, of course, you just have to tilt your hips back to brush your ass against it.

He nips your shoulder in retaliation, earning a giggle from you. "I'm too fucking tired right now, baby."

"I like cock warming." You pout, grinding back against him. "Don't you wanna be all snug as you sleep?"

"You're fucking ridiculous," he huffs, amusement in his tone, before pressing his hips forward against you. "Go on then, you get me hard, you can warm me as much as you want while we sleep."

"What if I can't sleep?" He makes a curious sound. "I usually can sleep no problem with a cock in me but something about you brings out the deviant in me so...what's your stance on somnophilia?"

"The fuck's that?"

"Sleep sex."

"You want to have sex while we sleep?"

"I'd be awake if I can't sleep, dumbass."

"Shut up, m'tired." He bites your shoulder a little harder this time, but that just makes you curve into him and press your ass harder against his gradually hardening dick. "Fuckin-" He inhales and purposely moves his mouth away from your skin so that he won't give in to temptation again; he's pretty sure if he does bite you again, you'll definitely wind up going for another intense round and he's certain he cannot physically handle that until he wakes up again. He's never been so exhausted from sex alone.

"So?" You prompt when he stays quiet behind you. "I'm personally into it either way."

"Mm, I dunno, just go to sleep for now, baby."

"Okay, Yoonie," you agree and pull your hips away from him, giving his dick space to breathe and soften without your touch. Yoongi hums appreciatively and curls his arm back around your waist, though makes sure to keep his hand away from your chest; he knows that if he feels your breasts he will not be able to get to sleep until he has sufficiently played with them.

When you're almost asleep, Yoongi speaks up in a low rough tone, close to sleep himself. "If you wake up and I'm hard, do what you want."

"Yeah?"

"Mm, just try not to wake me."

"Okay.” You smile to yourself and snuggle in close, smiling a little more at the kiss that gets pressed to your head.

To your absolute joy, when you wake a little under an hour later, you and Yoongi are pressed so close together that his dick has hardened in his sleep.

You grin to yourself, and although you're barely awake, you know what you want. So, you painstakingly move into a better position so that when you reach behind yourself and carefully hold Yoongi's erection, you can guide it into yourself, making you sigh in happiness. You really do like being full.

You peer over your shoulder to make sure you haven't woken Yoongi, then shuffle again, sliding further onto his length until you're pressed tight up against him. You watch Yoongi's face contort and little huffs of breath escape his lips from the pleasure, but he doesn't wake, so you settle back down and are soon back asleep.

You aren't surprised to have a sex dream, though you are surprised by just how vivid it is. You've had similar kinds of dreams before where you're actively seeking pleasure in a lucid-dreaming kind of way, but you usually wake up before achieving your orgasm goal. But this time, you wake up with the force of the dream orgasm that turns out to be real.

"Fuck," Yoongi curses roughly behind you, one hand on your hip as he rocks into you.

"Yoonie?" You mumble sleepily while looking over at him, cheeks warm with the pleasure but eyes barely open.

"Hi princess," he greets with a smile tilting towards a smirk. You whine and push back against him. "You want more?" He asks, his own cheeks slightly pinkened from fucking you as you slept without moving your position to not wake you.

You nod and reach down to move his left hand from your hip and place it on your sternum instead.

"Alright, whatever my princess wants," he agrees, leaning forward to press a kiss to your jaw while moving his hand to cup your left breast. "Didn't know your tits are so big," he comments lowly as he returns to rocking into you slow and deep. "Hide 'em so well."

"H-have to, get looks oth-" Yoongi hits a real good spot with that thrust, making you cut off with a whine as your eyes roll back. "Yoon," you plead.

"Alright, fuck." He shuffles closer and lays his palm flat on the top of your chest to hold you back against him before rabbiting into you while barely pulling out, meaning he keeps hitting that same spot rapidly making you whine and writhe and gasp out his name. "Good girl."

The tingle in his teeth returns as he stares at the mostly faded teeth marks on your shoulder from before sleep. He knows those marks will be soon gone with no evidence, no bruise left behind and that doesn't sit well with him.

Yoongi leans down to attach his mouth harshly over the same spot. You jerk in response, and automatically his hand lifts to restrain you and wrap around your throat. You instantly fall still as your walls squeeze him tight.

Yoongi gasps against your shoulder and removes his hand, but you whine in serious complaint, locking your grasp on his arm. "Are you sure?" He asks as you lead his hand back to your throat. You nod madly. "Words, please, baby, I need verbal confirmation to do this. It's dangerous and-"

"Yes, yes, I want it, choke me, Yoongi, please," you plead, turning your head just enough that your wet gaze meets his and he can see the truth and desperation in your eyes. "Please?"

"Fuck, okay, kick me if it's too much or you need a break or change your mind or-"

"I won't." You sound so certain that Yoongi can only nod and curl his fingers to show that he's more than willing. There's practically no pressure to his touch yet you still gasp and slump against the pillow as your eyes flutter shut.

Yoongi licks his lips and takes a second to compose himself, before he applies a little pressure. Your mouth opens in a silent gasp but otherwise, you're practically boneless on the mattress, entirely trusting your vulnerability to him; submitting to him in a way nobody ever has before.

Yoongi growls a little and doesn't even have it in him to question himself there, before he returns to fucking you; rougher than before with longer strokes, yet still successfully pulling moans from your parted lips.

He waits a little before squeezing harder, hard enough to make breathing hard for you, but you fucking love it, clamping down tight on his cock and making no attempt to free yourself.

Yoongi's cock throbs and as much as he wants to keep going he knows he can't and removes the pressure to allow you to suck in some ragged breaths.

He takes the chance to readjust his position so that he can once again mouth at your skin and work on another mark, slowing his hips enough that he doesn't jostle your body as much. But that makes you whine in complaint.

If you can whine, you have enough breath is Yoongi's thought, and then he's constricting your airflow again and angling his hips to try and find that spot inside you again. When he finds it, you choke so he releases his pressure and focuses on once again battering that spot with short quick thrusts that make you moan endlessly through heaving for breath.

With his hand resting on your throat, your walls dripping and tight as hell around his cock, and his mouth suctioned to the crook of your neck, Yoongi is so fucking close to an orgasm. You're so fucking tight around him, tight like pre-orgasm tight, but he has no idea if you can orgasm without clitoral stimulation. He's vaguely concerned that he will cum while you suffer without your clit being touched, but he himself physically can't and you're too far gone to seem to register that it's something you can actually do.

Too close and desperate to stop, Yoongi decides he can make you cum once he has himself and once again tightens his hold on your throat. To his surprise, your back immediately curves and your pussy spasms around him as wetness suddenly increases, and he's hit with the possible fact that you just squirted with your orgasm.

Yoongi's orgasm hits him like a truck. He doesn't mean to bite down harder and doesn't even register the metallic taste on his tongue until the post-orgasm fuzz leaves his brain. He gasps in shocked horror and leans back, glad that he had moved his hand from your throat and not also choked you out in a non-sexy way in his mindlessness.

The bite mark is pretty vicious looking; bruised deeply from his sucking and ringed by tooth-shaped indents, all of which are bleeding a little. Luckily, none are particularly deep but still, he's horrified; partly by what he's done, and partly at the fact the sight sends arousal flitting teasingly through his body.

"Yoonie?" Your soft voice snaps him back to reality to find you blinking concernedly at him over your shoulder. "It's okay," you assure, reaching your left hand back to lay on his thigh and rub soothingly. "Really, don't look so scared, I'm not mad."

"I fucking bit you!" He squeaks. "You're bleeding!"

"Yes, I see," you muse, gaze dropping to his lips pointedly. He quickly rubs his hand over his mouth roughly to remove the blood. "I'm not new to bleeding during sex."

He opens his mouth to respond, once again planning to berate himself, but then he registers your words and blinks dumbly at you. "What?"

"I have experimented a lot, Yoon and not always with the best people to try potentially dangerous things with."

He sighs your name out worriedly. "Please don't tell me you've let someone hold a knife to your skin during sex. I know you joked about it before but I seriously thought it was just a joke."

"I haven't," you assure before grinning a little awkwardly. "Yet."

"I'm not letting you do knife play with some asshole, don't be ridiculous."

"You're not an asshole."

He blinks at you a few times. "Me?" You hum in confirmation. "You want me to put a knife to your skin?"

"I want to try it and you're the only person I trust like that." You shrug and turn your head back away, both because the angle is hurting your neck, and because you suddenly feel honestly kind of like a freak for even suggesting it. Knife play is no joke and something most people don't even know exists, and even fewer actually think is a good idea. "I'll forget about it, you seem scared enough just biting me hard enough to draw blood, it was stupid to suggest."

"Wait, wait, wait," he huffs, and shuffles backwards to create the space to turn you onto your back so that you can look at one another. "I don't want you to feel bad, that's not a look I see on you, stop it."

"It was stupid to suggest though." You frown. "I'm sorry-"

"No, stop, it-" He takes a breath, and then drops down onto his back beside you as he only then realises how much his right shoulder hurts. He reaches up to rub it, only for you to roll over and bat his hand away so that you can massage it yourself.

Yoongi watches your concentration for a few minutes with a fond smile, before he reaches out to tilt your face to him and leans up to gently kiss you. You hum, surprised but very pleased and kiss him back, leaning forward so that he can lower back onto the pillow and not hurt his neck.

When you pull apart, he keeps his hand on your cheek and strokes his thumb over your skin softly. "I was scared that I hurt you; I didn't mean to and it scared me how easily I could accidentally do serious damage if I'm not careful." You make a noise of understanding. "But I was also scared that I liked it." Your eyebrows lift in genuine surprise. "I saw what I had done and I fucking- I liked it, like it turned me on a little."

"Really?" He nods. Despite the conversation, the way your eyes light up with joy and excitement makes him chuckle fondly. "So would you consider knife play?"

"I... I think I can consider it, yeah," he confirms, earning a bright smile, followed by a very thorough kiss.

You can't say for sure what your future relationship with Yoongi holds, but you're real fucking excited to find out.

[tomssexdoll]

omgg write a fluff w tom/ bill where him and the reader are high outta their minds that would lowk be hilarious it could also be a little smutty in the end 👀

HAHAHA YESSS

Stoned

PAIRINGS: Tom 2007 x Female reader CONTENT: FLUFF + SMUT (just a bit) SYPNOSIS: Y/N and Tom are high as FUCK, they are friends and she comes over to his house to try this "new" thing he has. She assumes it's some sort of drug or weird guitar solo, they watch movies, cuddle and at the end get a lil bit freaky... A/N: haven't been high in over a year so don't bash me if i get the feeling wrong, it's from what i remember lmao WARNINGS: teasing, kissing, drug use (weed)

Me and Tom have been best friends for over 10 years, he has been my rock, supporting me through everything. He never changed, always hanging out with me, showing me off to new friends. He was amazing.

One day he called me and said he had something to show me, something "new" he wanted to try out with me. I immediately knew it was a drug or a weird guitar solo, he is full of surprises I guess.

I got into my car and started to drive to his house, wondering what stupid thing was going to consume my day.

I arrived eventually and greeted Tom, hugging him tightly and walking inside, sitting in his room. He came in with a little baggie of what looked like weed, he handed it to me and I sighed "Tom this is a lot of weed, do you plan to smoke it all tonight?" he chuckled "no of course not, if we like it we can try it again at the party next week" he rummaged through his draws, pulling out a small black bong, decorated with skulls.

"Wowww real edgy" I rolled my eyes playfully, he laughed and slapped my arm playfully "shut up it was on sale, i'm not spending 50 fucking dollars for a small bong."

I stood up and grabbed the grinder that went with is, putting the bud in there and grinding it down, once it was finished I grabbed the bong, packing some of the weed in there.

"Wow you really know how to do this huh?" he smirked, admiring what I did. "Well my brother smokes and it's not like I haven't done it before so.." I shrugged and grabbed the lighter, sparking it and hovering the flame over the bud, sucking in the smoke. (did i just give you guys a tutorial..)

I inhaled it, feeling it burn the back of my throat but in a nice way, a familiar feeling to when I smoked cigarettes. "Fuck..that's some good shit..where did you get it from" I blew the smoke out, starting to get the effects already.

My head a bit woozy, eyes drooping ever so slightly and everything becoming a bit more brighter. I looked back at Tom, finishing the rest of the cone, the way he threw his head back when inhaling was so sexy..the way his lips slightly parted and his eyes slowly shut.

"I got it from Greg, you know, Janes older brother" he looked back at me, blowing out the smoke as well. "Oh.." I said slowly "well it's not dodgy weed I'll tell you that" I giggled.

Everything was a bit slower, my talking, movements. It felt wonderful, like I was as light as a feather.

"Let's have some more, cmon" he scooted closer to me and we had 3 more cones each, it was hitting hard now, things were much more slower, I looked down at my hands and they were slightly out of focus, like I had 4 hands.

I got up from his bed and grabbed his hand, going towards the kitchen and raiding his pantry, grabbing all the snacks I could find and a few cans of soda. I sat down and dropped everything onto the coffee table, laying down next to him, resting my head on his lap, "should we order pizza.." he mumbled, I nodded slowly and grabbed my phone, dialing the store and ordering 2 large pizzas, one cheese and one meat lovers.

"Fuck..we are gonna feast" he chuckled, his eyes super red and droopy, I smiled and picked a movie to watch.

After 45 minutes our pizza FINALLY ARRIVED. I ran to the door and quickly gave the pizza guy the cash, slamming the door and almost tripping trying to get back to the couch, "fuck!" I yelped, Tom just laughed and grabbed one of the boxes, stuffing his face with pizza.

"Mmm...so good" he groaned, I grabbed a slice and ate it, savouring the taste "has pizza ever tasted this good?" I said, it was like they put magic into it, usually pizza was mid but this time it was amazing. Our movie was ending soon, we picked a horror, which was kinda dumb because we were so high.

I sat up and held him tightly at the suspense, screaming and hiding my face into his arm when the jumpscare popped up "jesus" he chuckled "it wasn't that bad" I rolled my eyes and softly shoved him "shut up..wasn't even scary.." I mumbled

By the time we had finished 3 movies everything was DEVOURED. We decided to chill for a bit, have a talk and enjoy each others company. I layed down on the couch and he spooned me from behind, holding me close.

Usually we'd always cuddle, it was never weird to us but this time, the tension was super high. Not even in a bad way, it's like the air was thicker...the way his arms were wrapped around me and his face pressed softly on the top of my head made me feel some kind of way.

I turned around and looked up at him, it's like in that moment, we were the only people alive. His eyes washed over with desire and love, surprising me. "You know, you are so beautiful y/n, you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen" he smiled softly, brushing a hair away from my face.

"Yeah whatever, I'm sure you tell every girl you hook up with that.." I rolled my eyes, secretly enjoying the praise. "No, y/n..I mean it, you are so beautiful" he leaned closer, our lips basically inches away.

"Tom..." my breathing hitched slightly, searching his eyes for deciet but all I saw was sincerity, love and compassion, I smiled softly, blush creeping onto my cheeks.

"I want to kiss you.." he whispered, his breath hot on my lips.

"ok pizza breath.." I giggled and leaned in, kissing him gently. He kissed back, wrapping his hand around to the back of my head and pulling me closer, locking our lips into a passionate embrace. His kisses got more urgent, his erection becoming prominent in his pants, pressing up against my leg.

"See how you make me feel? You drive me crazy" he moaned against my lips, slipping his tongue in my mouth. I reached my hand down and softly palmed his clothed cock, making him groan softly.

His hands snaked down to my waist, then to my ass, squeezing it softly. Then, his hand came back up, slipping under my shirt and grabbing my breasts, rubbing his thumb over my nipple, sending shivers down my spine.

I had grabbed one of his shirts earlier, removing my bra since you weren't able to see much anyway, it was getting a bit hot so I changed my outfit.

"My shirt looks so good on you..might have to fuck you in it" he mumbled, grinning widely.

I chuckled "we'll see about that", I rolled us over, flipping me on top of him, deepening the kiss.

[hools]

Sorry if this is a weird question, but how do you come up with your drawings? What does through your mind while making them? I find your compositions so gorgeous and intriguing but I can't really figure out how you approach things since everything's very shifty and abstract. It's really gorgeous work, I'm so glad I discovered your art :,)

hey first of all this isnt a weird question at all & i'm really glad you enjoy my art heheheheheehe. there's an incoming large largely unformatted block of text that i hope you dont mind!

Honestly there are a billion things going through my mind at a time while I'm drawing and they all sort of bump into each other and cancel each other out like opposing particles. If you've seen any of my streams i'm usually very fast and iterative in a lot of my process and i rarely ever slow down even past the early parts like thumbnailing and sketching. i kind of let my hands do the talking more, yknow? but even then theyre never talking about a single thing at a time. everything interacts with everything, which is probably why i always end up getting lost and meandering. composition is not independent from color & value and neither are they from texture and perspective. its hard thinking of all of the ways they mesh and react to one another so i spend less of my energy thinking and more of it doing, and then assessing once something interesting comes about it. i guess then i prioritize my Hand Movement Actioning and Eye Vision Seeing over my Brain Neuron Assessing. but even though iterations can come and go quick this kind of informed throwing-against-the-wall isn't really the Fastest. but its fun. and you get to stuff all the unused ideas in your pocket for later.

even though i did say how connected everything is i always seem to start with composition. it kind of affects and informs everything the most at least on an individual piece level. with thumbnails & composition in general i think youre supposed to think huge right. so i Always think huge. push everything as much as you can. start with a crazy angle (not necessarily angle meaning "perspective" but like an angle between two lines) and border your scene within it. take an already steep foreshortening and steepen it further with the transform tool & see what shapes form from the empty & filled space. shrink your subject to only fit 3/4ths of the canvas and build around it to make it work. blow things up (enlargen) and blow things up (remove & obliterate). with composition you have so much room for fuckery if you give yourself the grace to accept the fuckiness.

and i guess this freedom to fuck around and iterate and build and build and build upon comes from how most of the time my initial ideas are very. vague? abstract like you've said. sometimes its Just a song or a song lyric and nothing else (no characters to attach to just the feel and my gut). sometimes its a less than 5 word phrase i felt strongly about throughout the day. in my me-only discord server i have messages in #to-draw channel that just say shit like "something about guitar straps" "thanks for knowing me!" "angel don't look at me" "DITHER QUEEN" (<-been meaning to make something with that). for things that have specific guidelines i spend more time thinking conceptually (the "rare animal" coelacanth drawing being an example) but otherwise it mostly comes out after. again. the first strokes. after you put the meat and bones on the canvas. an artist at a workshop i was at last year when i was in my own head about Needing to have a fleshed tangible Profound concept before being able to start something told me not to underestimate the stories that can be told just by your hands. and i think thats what stuck with me the most.

& one last thing i wanna mention is how despite how much i revel in the chaos of the process ive found how important limits are. i don't like cutting back on everything but i like cutting back on some things. sometimes i cut out backgrounds for solid fills and i love them that much more. sometimes i have little subconscious rules in a piece that i try not to break to keep a little level of consistency. if somethings a big wonderful mess already then i love a limited pallet and i love keeping parts empty and i love being able to breathe a little. yknow. but still go over the top in the other parts you have so much permission to. less is more but have a little more in your art than less. YKNOW?

but yeah thanks again for your kind words and wanting to listen to me talk. i havent been drawing much at all so these arent too fresh on the mind but i think i got a lot of what i wanted to say out. i hope u and others can get things out of this! if i made any sense <3

[larkral]

First Line Analysis

Thanks @kiwiana-writes for the tag! Apparently even though I've been back in fandom for two years, that doesn't equate to ten fics. So this includes the opening line from one of my ancient Battlestar Galactica fics. Which, honestly stands up IMO.

RULES: post the first lines of your last 10 fics/chapters posted on AO3 (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics) and try to draw some conclusions.

Lines

The Co-captain D-men Reveille (™, patent not yet pending) spits out a rapid guitar riff, the CD alarm and selection of Haus mix CDs randomizing their wake-up soundtrack to Infinity Guitars. (Friday Prime - a Check Please Ransom/Holster time loop fic)

The call comes at 3am. (finally (already, always) - a Carry On Snowbaz fic but let's be honest a love story to lesbian mums, still a WIP)

The ocean is a warped mirror, and the sun is glancing into my eyes from its every shifting peak. (Feet Burried in the Sand - a Carry On Snowbaz fic)

If you've never seen a MG in person, you aren't ready for it. (Three Months or 3,000 Miles - a Carry on Snowbaz fic)

It's very hot. (Visible at sea - an In Other Lands / Turn of the Story Sunbrat fic)

The day I became a Sophomore, as our dorms rotated down, my room was suddenly twice its previous size. (A Dangerous Affinity - a Carry On x Naomi Novik's Scolomance Snowbaz epic)

The first thing I noticed about Agatha was the line where her jaw slopes into her neck, the interplay of tendons and skin and bone: the sternocleidomastoid, the hyoids, the styloid process. (scapulae - a smutty femslash offshoot of A Dangerous Affinity, so technically a Carry On fic featuring Agatha/OC)

It’s been ages since I’ve walked in on Snow crying into his pillow. (Good at Something - a Carry On Snowbaz blowjob epic)

We’re leaving the movie theatre when Penny sees the ice cream shop. (Baby, it's cold - a Carry on Snowbaz+Stormchaser fluff-fest)

He wouldn’t say his ears are ringing, but there’s something vibrating just like that, his consciousness modulating on its axis. (An Arranged Meeting - a Battlestar Galactica Starbuck/Apollo sex club fic)

Analysis

Apparently I have two types of opening lines: SNAPPY AS FUCK and heavy with figurative language.

Literally none of these tell you who the POV character is. Apparently I like to keep that information close to my chest.

Most of these seem to be about establishing concrete details that will be relevant to the story. Only 2 and 8 don't do that work.

Looks like I'm into showing not telling. In context all of these lines except for 9 have meaningful emotional weight, but I'm going to make you work for it.

Tags below the cut!

Come join me in navel gazing about your writing! <3

@facewithoutheart @cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @sillyunicorn @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

@ileadacharmedlife @bookish-bogwitch @captain-aralias @petedavidsonscock @artsyunderstudy

@martsonmars @nausikaaa @nightimedreamersghost @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @that-disabled-princess

@shrekgogurt  @palimpsessed @fatalfangirl​ @blackberrysummerblog @wellbelesbian​

@j-nipper-95 @youarenevertooold @emeryhall @run-for-chamo-miles @talentpiper11 @mooncello

@run-for-chamo-miles @roomwithanopenfire @monbons

[merakiui]

VNSJSCJSKKGKSKWKF PUNK JADE????? as a jade stan i am CLAWING my walls istg

so we have himbo jock virgin floyd,, WE HAVE TO ELABORATE ON PUNK JADE CUZ THE THOUGHT OF HIM JUST MAKES MY WORLD SHAKE

seriously still kicking my legs at that tag omg the thought of punk jade fkkfjsjjc like those stereotypical wattpad bad boys but somehow he's a little more charming and... tolerable (to an extent), i guess...

he leans on lockers, probably rides a motorcycle his rich ass mafia father gifted him, and is definitely brooding and mysterious, but oh my god is it so attractive... you don't mind and it's as if you were put into a spell; especially after you realize you're tangled up in the sheets of his bed, your mind hazy and memories hardly legible <3 you realize he's just as bad as his brother but then again, he's soooo much better in bed, you don't mind in the slightest anymore !!! <33333

fjsjjfjdkrjv i'm just spilling my brain worms now jade has affected me once again

— (a new-ish follower named star hehe <3)

orz punk Jade is so fine omg,,,,,, he has so many piercings, a few very intricate tattoos here and there, and in my heart he kills it on the electric guitar. <3 he rizzes you up with just a few chords and you know his fingers do more than skillfully play chords. Omg omg and he has a split tongue!!!!!!! He always wears his hair in messy styles, uses hair gel to keep it spiky when he wants it to be, and maybe he smokes on occasion; perhaps even coerces you into smoking. >:) getting high with him is an experience omg,,,,,,, maybe you hotboxed with him in Floyd's van once and the two of you kissed a few times and you learned that he's so good at kissing???? So much better than Floyd, and you have to wonder how he's leagues better when Floyd's so social, loved (and feared) by all, popular enough to be with anyone he wants. Jade's just so alluring in a way that his twin isn't. Whereas Floyd's all broad shoulders and bulk and muscle, Jade's all lean muscle and willowy and agile.

You don't trust him to take you for an innocent ride on his motorcycle, so Jade suggests using Floyd's van for stuff. Floyd doesn't really care because he's so busy with sports; his van is already messy enough (he draws the line at cum stains, though. At least, cum stains that don't belong to Floyd himself lol). It's a little unfair that Jade's really good at sex because you want to experience all of this technique with Floyd (who has yet to make you cum with his dick, mind you). Jade just knows what tips you over the edge. He wrings orgasms out of you like he's trying to prove something, and maybe he is. You never really paid much mind to him because he was the "quiet twin," the one who, despite his notable fashion and style, didn't really draw your eye.

Jade just loves showing up in your life when you're trying to avoid him and his bad influence. He teases you about that all the time, playfully calls you good girl/boy/goody-goody when you insist you're only visiting his apartment to see Floyd. He has the stickiest, sleaziest smile on his face when he lets you in, speaking in that mocking drawl of his, "You know Floyd has practice at this time, right?" And god you want to punch him, kick him in his dick, tear his hair out. But you don't because you can't. Because he's addicting. Because he's good at fucking you and talking to you and being your friend and making sure you're safe and sound when you have a bad trip and asking if it feels good when he lays you down in Floyd's van and ruts into you like he has all the time in the world. You hate him, but then you don't because he's so much better than Floyd. And of course you still like Floyd, but he doesn't hit in the way Jade does.

You wake up in his bed more times than you can count, twisted up in the sheets or, more recently, in his arms, and Jade has such a fun time teasing you for it. But then he's so tender in the mornings, so soft and gentle, caressing your cheek or pressing kisses over the marks he left the night prior. The two of you are way more than friends, but neither of you say anything to make it official and so you're stuck in a situationship that feels so comfortable and enjoyable.

Omg and when he plays the guitar for you....... orz Jade is the worst thing to ever happen to you (or so you adamantly claim), but he's also the best because if it weren't for him you'd never form such a genuine connection with him. <3 also, he opened your third eye. You shouldn't settle for bad, sloppy sex with his brother when he can fuck you six ways from Sunday and leave you satisfied each time. He takes immense pride in this, too. Annoying, but you love him. You really, truly, honestly do.

[geddy-leesbian]

Luis playing guitar for pregnant Leon because these bitches make me ill and I can't wait 2 chapters to post this

“Can I try to feel again..?”

“Yeah, the one on my left is moving a little bit. She's farther back I think and smaller, I don't feel her as much as the other, so don't think you will, but you can try,” Luis places his hand all over the left side of Leon's belly, but can't feel anything. He can't hide the disappointment on his face. “You'll get to feel soon, I promise. Usually me being up walking around relaxes them and they sleep. I just need to sit here for a while and the one on the right will wake up and start kickboxing in there. You can go back to doing whatever you were doing before I interrupted you, I'll tell you when the kicks start.”

Luis gets up to grab his guitar, then comes back to Leon to start playing.

“Keep playing!” Leon yanks a hand off the guitar to place on his stomach. “They like your music. Always kick when I put it on. Can't fall asleep to it like I used to, the kicks keep me up. They don't react like this to other music, just yours.”

Luis keeps strumming with one hand and feels the kicks with the other. When he stops playing, the kicking stops. He's mesmerized by it.

“They…” Luis moves his hand, back to the other side, to feel the other baby too. “They like my music…”

Luis keeps at it, playing and feeling, still in awe at every single kick, until Leon is asking him to stop.

“Sorry, darling,” Luis sets his guitar down while Leon starts rubbing his belly. “Glad you're finally able to feel and bond with them, the kicking just starts to hurt sometimes. You can keep feeling while they settle down, just no more exciting music.”

Leon takes his hands off his belly, letting Luis take over. 

“I love you. I love you so much,” Luis gently rubs Leon's belly. “I can't believe I'm having a family with you. I don't understand why you're putting your body through hell carrying my babies. I don't know what the hell you see in me.”

“A couple nights ago you were playing to a stadium of women that would probably kill to have your kids, don't get why it's so hard for you to believe that I want it too.”

“Because none of them know the real me. They have the idealized image of me that magazines feed them. They think I'm perfect, they don't know how much of a fucking train wreck I am. They don't know what I was like before. You were here wanting to spend time with me even before all the money and fame, when I was just a loser with nothing. And you're still here! Why?”

“You being a loser is exactly why I fell for you. Always hated you up until that conversation about this album being your last shot… Thought you were some rich asshole trying to buy his way into the music industry, just burning money until something worked because you could afford it. Then I found out you couldn't afford it, you were just so passionate for music that you were willing to be homeless to have another chance. I loved the passion. And since then I've learned so much shit that's made me fall more in love,” Leon traces over Luis's cheek scar with his thumb. “You're actually badass, you're a crazy cat person, you're a fucking genius and could have been an actual doctor if you'd tried, you're so protective, you dote on me… I could go on all night, there's so much I see in you. I don't get what you see in me either. You could have just about anyone, why me? I'm a fucking loser too! Became a receptionist because I'm a moron that broke my leg and never got motivated to do anything else with my life. I don't have a creative bone in my body, feel like you should be with someone artistic like you. I'm pretty, but I'm not special. You could find someone just as pretty as me that's also good at music or drawing or something.”

“I'm so in love with you because you have the nicest tits that I've ever seen. Kidding. Well, half kidding. You do have the most beautiful tits I've ever seen,” That is extremely high praise coming from Luis. He's seen a lot of them, after all. “I'm kidding about them being why I'm in love with you, they're just a nice bonus. The real reason is very close though! It's your big heart. The moment you said I could move in with you if I didn't have anywhere to sleep… We weren't even friends at that point. Just acquaintances. And you would have let me move in! Not to mention the way you just put up with all my bullshit and took care of me when I had that breakdown, when all I deserved was a door slammed in my face because I'd treated you like shit. And you don't give yourself enough credit– You are creative too! You decorated the nursery, painted those butterflies… You're also strong. But I already told you all about how strong I think you are last night, so–”

“God. Let's stop the sappy romance bullshit. Save it for when these kids are out of me and I can smoke pot.”

“Can I be sappy in Spanish?” Luis smiles playfully. “So you can't understand it?”

“Whatever.”

Luis lays down, head by Leon's belly, and starts speaking softly in Spanish.

[asksuccubussides]

Janus and Virgil - Favorite childhood memory?

"Oh well that time I discovered the still alive clone of Mary Shelley must definitely be up there" janus immediately snarked out "As well as my short but quite personality building escapade with Liza Minelli that one ti-"

"Dude Why are you bullshitting" Virgil, who was sitting next to him, asked.

"Don't cut me off. That's rude. Did your manners get lost along with your parents"

Virgil parsed his lips to respond before letting up into a laugh that he tried to conceal "I'm just wondering why you're stalling for time or can you not be arsed. Just say some memory......Like the uhh cat from Cats"

"Nice broadway reference" Jan flicked one his friend's emo bangs.

"I trieddd"

"But yes, just like any normal person I have a favorite childhood memory pre planned. That's how you can tell if someone is well adjusted"

The emo gave him a silent blare for a moment before continuing "Well my favorite memory is that time this uh couple wanted to adopt me-"

"As usual. The couples proper loved him"

"Whatever. But uh I didn't want to get adopted so I bit one of them and the lady got Rabies! I didn't have rabies so the doctors have no idea how it happened but it did and it meant I didn't get adopted. It was kind of awesome-"

Janus leant his head against his hand "Really? That is your favorite memory. Well my dear I did not think you were that morbid"

Virgil rolled his eyes "My favorite part was uhh afterwards when I had been declared officially rabies free and I got to uhhhh returnbackandseeyou" He mumbled the last part with immense speed.

"What was that my cheeky darling?" Janus had a shit eating smirk on his lips.

"I got to return back to the orphanage and uhh see your ugly fucking face or something"

"My ugly fucking face" His smile widened as he repeated it.

He pulled at his hoodie sleeve to have a reason to avert his eyes "You were so happy to see me and that memory has always stuck with me......Okay that was too bloody sappy, I need to go listen to Gerard Way screaming into my air to level that out"

"Ah-"

"AND THAT BEING MY FAVORITE MEMORY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US HAVING OUR PHASE OF PLAYING BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND AROUND THAT SAME TIME"

Janus took a very slow blink before replying "Those things weren't even connected in my mind"

Virgil's cheeks were as red as christmastree balls "Me neither. Just uh wanted to clarify. Dude" He made some vague hand gestures before settling on fiddling with the loose bits of his nail polish.

"Hmmm...Well after thinking I believe my favorite memory was our class going to see Hedda Gabler live in 9th grade. It really opened my eyes to the classics. widened my horizons if you well. It was around that same time I got into Virginia Woolf, Jekyll and Hyde, Cabaret, plays in general. basically all of the building blocks for my charismatic and charming personality that isn't pretentious at all"

Janus sent you a nice wide smile right after finishing speaking but was caught off guard as Virgil hit him with a pillow.

"Here I go being bloody sappy and your memory is some school thing. You fucking nerd" Virgil said. "Muppet-nerd-fuck-dummy"

"At least my fashion sense has evolved since then" He teased before flicking the other man's bangs again to which Virgil hit him with the pillow once more knocking his beanie right off.

"At least I kept growing past 9th grade!"

"At least I've never had to buy a guitar I couldn't play solely to have it in my room to seem cooler. Whoopsie-doo bitch darling"

"At least I was sometimes at risk of actually being adopted,,,,,,,you daft fuck"

This teasing continued for 5 more minutes before they continued (play) arguing for another few minutes about who had won before finally moving on with the rest of their day.

Also this ask inspired me to draw Jan and Viv as kids

[blindrapture]

so I got Peter Gabriel's newest album, i/o. I was curious about it; I've never owned a Peter Gabriel solo album before. ("I loved him in early Genesis" would be an understatement. just, never got around to his solo work!) so this is my first. I like the man himself, I love his singing voice, I admire him as a public figure. and this album looked... rather interesting!

because, see, it's an album with three faces. there's 12 songs on three discs. each disc has all 12 songs, but each disc is mixed by a different person with a different approach to audio engineering. so there's a Bright Side Mix (mixed by Mark 'Spike' Stent, described as like a painter's approach to the album), a Dark Side Mix (mixed by Tchad Blake, described as like a sculptor's approach to the album), and an In-Side Mix (mixed by Hans-Martin Buff, a very fancy mix that makes you feel like the music is happening all around you). so. to listen to this album is, ultimately, to hear it three different times.

anyway, so, I've listened to the Bright Side to start with. I've listened to some of the songs multiple times, as some of them got my attention right away and I already love them. and I've begun a sort of... comparative listen to the Dark Side, so I'll be listening to the Bright Side songs again and then immediately following up with the Dark Side version.

I am willing to go to lengths to experience this because, uh, this album fucking rocks??? not.. not like rocks, it's definitely not a rock album, it is far closer to a pop album. with my limited experience listening to entire pop albums, I can only really compare this to a few things-- Coldplay, Radiohead's A Moon Shaped Pool, Madonna or Poe. it sounds very modern. it is probably something other people will be much less impressed with, though may also really like straight away! the songs are all at consistently slow tempos, with soundscapes of synths, bass guitars, varied percussion, and a full string orchestra that comes in at cinematic moments on each track. it's.. like, it's not the kind of music I normally listen to outside of if it's in a film or a video game, I definitely don't normally listen to entire albums of this. and it's taking me a lot of focus to really dig into and notice things, learn the songs. but it having multiple mixes encourages that!!!

and. like. there are really a lot of slow songs on here, there's one that's entirely voice, bass, and piano, and there are some songs that I would consider "bops" but this is not a bop album. but. it's also not what I'd expect from pop-- and wikipedia classifies it as "art pop"-- because the average song is like 5 minutes long, there are a lot of 6 minute songs, and there's even a song approaching 8 minutes. though there aren't exactly loads of lyrics either; this album spends a lot of time just letting the music groove and breathe!!! I'm... super impressed with that.

what else. uh.

naturally, I've been mega curious about that whole... "three versions of each song" deal. I didn't know what to expect from it. and I'm only two songs into the Dark Side Mix, but I do have a clearer idea now. the Dark Side so far strips back some of the more melodic side instruments, where they're otherwise busy and add onto the verses and stuff, and instead cranks up the drums and the bass. even in the vocals, the lower parts are far more pronounced. gives a very different flavour to the many moments of groove and atmosphere. I would not consider it inaccurate to draw comparisons with how Sonic 3 & Knuckles handles its Act 2 mixes in later levels, where the songs aren't immediately different but there is a definite shift in focus. (plus, comparing things to Sonic is in character for me.)

like. specifically. track 1, "Panopticom," isn't all that different between mixes, and I can kinda give or take each version. I think that song's drum part can drown out the riff, so the Bright Side holds its own by mixing the drums a bit softer, making the whole song sound like... 80s/90s synthpop of some sort. but track 2, "The Court...." hoo boy. first of all, that song grew on me very quickly. it has a flow to it, it has a mood to it, it is really fun. both mixes are, frankly, great. and the Bright Side Mix is superior in exactly one place-- the line "we know that justice is blind" at the end of the song just.. sounds better here, I really like how it sounds. but "The Court," Dark Side........ ohhhh man. that is where the true excitement to this album began for me, my excitement at how they're doing this multi-mix thing. Bright Side got me to like the song, know what to expect, and I really liked the song! but then Dark Side.... brings up the drum and the bass...... and lets the stranger deeper ambient sounds throughout the song be heard..... and brings the vocals in the choruses lower, makes them more like an ethereal dreamlike chant. it is so good. I fucking love "The Court." I love it. and it wasn't even my favorite of the Bright Side songs!!! and there's still 10 other Dark Side tracks I haven't even listened to yet!!!

(incidentally, my favorite on Bright Side was probably "Four Kinds of Horses," which has a baffling name but is shockingly good. but some of those really slow stripped-back songs are a close second, especially "So Much." that song is.. breathtaking.... but "And Still" is also stunning??? holy shit that flute.... that mood....)

so. so.

I dunno, maybe some of you like your art pop. go check out Peter Gabriel. the new album's legit.

I leave you with The Court, Dark Side. but I also gave some other song names up there, go check those out.

I do love pop sometimes....

[mandysxmuses]

Compare and Contrast:

Coda + Jemand

Todd + Nero

//OH MAN THIS OUGHT TO BE FUN

CODA AND JEMAND

ok so first things first Coda and Jemand are basically as polar opposite as two people can be, I think. Coda's immensely introverted to the point of barely being able to socially interact with others, while Jemand is incredibly extroverted and charming and loves talking to people, mostly because it helps distract from thinking a little too much for his own comfort about himself.

Coda dresses in trench coats and long, baggy clothing, usually unwashed, and his house looks like a hurricane went through it. He has tendencies to just let things sit and do whatever is easiest, and a lot of the time that means throwing on something he's already worn rather than just doing the laundry. His eating habits are absolutely awful because he'd rather just eat chips than do the building pile of dishes.

Jemand, meanwhile, goes the extreme opposite direction and is extremely meticulous about how he looks. He pampers himself regularly, puts on makeup to doll himself up, and wears lavish clothes. He can't stand messes, though I will admit he has a similar situation to Coda going on where he does not have the energy to physically clean them -- it's just that he won the luck of the draw with superpowers and can literally dismiss messes with a wave of his hand.

He kind of handshakes with Coda on the bad eating habits, but for different reasons. Jemand eats like that solely as a coping mechanism. When he's upset, he eats junk. Otherwise, he once again spoils himself with the sort of foods people would normally have to spend hundreds or even thousands to eat.

I think one of the things they do have in common is sleeping a lot as a coping mechanism, like, if Jemand isn't up eating ice cream he's sleeping, there's nothing else

And if I really stretched it I could say they have the familial issues in common, except Coda's more a victim in his case, since if we look at Jemand's sort of if you squint father-son relation, Jemand's definitely the abuser, so even in that respect they differ

TODDIE AND NEROWO

these two have a lot more in common than the above, but they also differ in so many respects, too

Like already on moral grounds they're on two different sides, Todd's a serial killer who slaughters innocents for fun and Nero's a heroic character who, while having fun whooping all the ass he does, in the end is still doing it with the express purpose of helping protect others. Sometimes in Nero's case (especially in DMC 5) there's more of a revenge motive going, but in the end he's still trying to help out

They both yell and raise their voice a lot. That's a thing. They handshake on the "AAAAAAAAAAA"

They also handshake on not being able to keep their mouths shut for the life of them. Both Todd and Nero have a terminal case of talking shit, it's just that in Todd's case some of the time he can't back it up and Nero, most of the time, can

Todd talks shit more as a "this is the only power I have in this situation and goddamn it's going to kill me to use it but whatever" thing

meanwhile Nero's just like "I have so much power in this situation I'm gonna fucking play air guitar while you're picking yourself up and spitting blood"

I think they have similar taste in music, too? One of the first things you see Nero doing is blasting loud metal music into his ears in the middle of a church and if that is not a Todd handshake I don't know what is

... even though Nero would never handshake Todd, even without the lack of showering he'd feel gross

they also both handshake on being into curvy women, I'm sorry to make that comparison but it's there, I have to

The way they carry themselves is different. Nero's got a lot more confidence in his stride and the clothes he wears are (USUALLY) really fancy

Todd literally just throws on whatever and skulks around

I think one thing they do have in common is their capacity for forgiveness mdklsd Todd's still buddies with Jemand after literally everything those two have done to each other and it's always been really hard to split them up, and Nero does end up sparing Vergil and trying to end his rivalry with Dante despite all the things that he did

I'm sure there is more I could go into, but this is turning into a novel so I'm gonna just leave it there

[bisluthq]

When you quit drinking, did you replace that with something else? Like for me, I realized on the weekends if I have something planned, even as late as 3-4 PM, I won't drink that day cuz it's like I know later I need to drive to this thing and go interact with people and be normal. But if I don't have any concrete plans, if it's just like "I need to go to the grocery store at some point today, and then clean my bathroom" then I'm like "why shouldn't I have mimosas at 9 AM?" and then I end up getting completely smashed and can't go to the store later and can't effectively do any chores. I realized that about myself so now I schedule things with friends during the weekends, preferably earlier in the day, so then when I get home I'm like "now it's time to meal prep and clean, and maybe I'll have a glass of wine in a few hours with dinner". Idk I've gotten a lot better at cutting down alcohol, but those wide-open days for me just inevitably lead to me drinking early, even if I've said and committed that I don't want to. It's only when other people are involved in the plans ("I have to meet them here at 1" or whatever, vs "I should go to the store at 11") that I can stop myself drinking. So it's annoying, because I KNOW I can, I just don't have the discipline or willpower to do it if I'm not gonna be directly letting someone down. I don't have anywhere to be til 8 PM tonight lol so even though I was like "it'll be a sober Monday! I'm gonna clean my bathroom and declutter my closer" I still ended up drinking 2 beers and a glass of wine while doing that

ok so this was a lot of how my drinking went dude. Your story is FUCK relatable to me. Except for in the pandemic where I literally wasn’t leaving my house for obvious reasons and then my bed for depression reasons that I do think were interrelated to the drinking (although I’ve been feeling very down the last few days but I’m powering through with no alcohol), I was not a daily drinker and I never got drunk like before important activities or things that I was looking forward to (a few times I did get drunk before social things I was dreading but that’s a separate thing). But if I was just chilling at home, either on weekends as you say or late at night, I would often wind up drinking.

I haven’t replaced it with anything like in terms of substances. I do see myself as California sober not sober sober so I’m open to edibles and shrooms but the thing with me is I’ve never been someone who overindulges in that. It’s something I only do like when I’m with friends who are into that or just with my boyfriend and we want a trippy night. I *have* replaced it with actively getting into other hobbies again and I have a habit tracker where I’ve put in all the things I like to do and if I’m bored I go into the app and look at what I could do today. So personally I’ve got running, yoga, gym class, drawing, Duolingo, reading, this blog, journaling, writing fiction, whatever DIY project I’m busy with in terms of my little furniture stuff, meditation, etc and I track how many minutes and hours a day I spend on all that stuff outside of work which I obviously don’t count in my fun little app. I also try call friends or text with friends if I’m feeling bored like that. And then I’ve been making more complicated food instead of just popping shit in the air fryer or ordering takeout. I have a guitar that I haven’t played in like 10 years that I’m considering starting to play again.

But also it’s just a habit right (well obviously not with people who have physical addictions and there you need to be careful how you come off it) so just… break the habit. Again, I found quit lit really helpful and enjoyed the following books a lot: This Naked Mind, Not Drinking Tonight (it’s a bit heavy in psych babble so not for everyone but was really cool for me), Alcohol Lied To Me, Alcohol Explained, Soberful and maybe ESPECIALLY Sober Curious. There are a couple other really great ones but those stuck out to me. Also reading quit lit just helped me a lot because I was just like constantly drumming it into my head that I don’t need to/want to drink and that it’s the stuff that powers fucking rocket engines right like they use ethanol in rocket fuel lmao idk that I want to put that in my body (but I like Sober Curious in that maybe one day I might idk I don’t know that I want to say “I never ever will” or “I’m powerless over alcohol” because I’m def not lol - the problem is me not alcohol and not me in the sense that I’m like “broken” or whatever). So now I quite genuinely - for right now - don’t want to drink. I’m not holding myself back from it, I’m not counting days until I can again, I am not imposing moderation rules for me, I’m not looking for loopholes and I’m not promising lifelong abstinence. But I just don’t want to right now. We aren’t an alcohol free house - we’ve got fucktons of booze around - and my bf is still having his wine with dinner and beer when he does yard work and actually he even had a screwdriver for breakfast after he joined me for a run this past weekend because that’s what he wanted and I made him run pretty far. I’ve got it available. He is very proud of me and supportive of me not drinking but he also won’t like break up with me if I decide to start up again. I just… don’t want to. It’s better for me. I’m happier without… rocket fuel inside my body lmao because I’m a person and not a rocket ykwim?

This was very rambling but this topic makes me like that. My feeling is if you’re thinking about when you can and can’t drink, your relationship with alcohol isn’t healthy. Again to go back to my edibles thing, which I would have again quite easily, I’ve never in my life had more edibles than I intended to (I’ve had a max of two when my goal was to get fuck stoned and that’s what I did) and I also can’t tell you when I last had one or when I next will (I’ve got a bag of them in my desk but it’s sealed and it doesn’t tempt me). With alcohol I absolutely was counting sober days versus drinking days and how many drinks I had on a drinking day and whether or not a few glasses of wine “even counted” yk? And it was occupying a lot of time and space in my head, even when I wasn’t drinking. So that wasn’t like… healthy. Just removing it has given me a lot of energy and genuine desire to do a lot more hobbies that I like to do.

I also find I do a lot more chores lmao like I’ve always done my chores because I’m not a complete cunt but I often procrastinated with them and I get a lot of the regular ones I do done quicker and more frequently (like cleaning the kitchen), I do a lot more annoying ones more regularly (like taking stuff to the dry cleaners’ which I hated to do because I never drunk drove and like having out and about chores meant I can’t drink and if I did drink then I couldn’t take my stuff in lol so also getting my car washed was one of those too and also like washing my couches which I was doing maybe every two to three months but do every month since I quit drinking and that’s not about driving but it’s about not being able to sit on the couch when I undress it to wash it because obviously I sat on the couch drinking lol) and am more proactive with my DIY projects.

and in terms of what I’ve replaced it in terms of drinks, I’ve been making a lot of mixed drinks (so diet tonic, soda water, with a splash of cranberry juice and a splash of lime has been my favorite but I make other ones too), I drink Corona Zeros if we have people round, I’ve been making a lot more tea and coffee, and I’ve been drinking Diet Red Bull if I want “a buzz” lol. Also just sparkling water. And flavored sparkling water. Idk it’s been really easy once I decided on it and it keeps getting easier tbh not harder - like the first weekend I’d quit, we were sitting waiting for a takeaway and they didn’t have any AF beers on the menu and they advertised lassis but were out of them and I just didn’t order anything and felt a bit annoyed with my bf drinking his beer but that hasn’t happened again and idk I’ve been out and about and I’ve entertained at home and like I say it’s not that I don’t have it in the house or that I can’t say “cool look I did it for over 2 months so now I’m done like clearly I can stop whenever I want and now I want to start again” but I really just… don’t want to start again at this point.

Hope this helped a bit and just so you know your “boozestory” (as Ruby Warrington of Sober Curious calls it) is completely normal.

[phireflies]

𝗺𝘂𝘀𝗲

eddie gives you drawing ideas when you're experiencing art block. [wc; 2.3k]

pairing; eddie munson x fem!reader

warnings; swearing and fluff, i think that's literally it (written on my phone so mistakes too)

a/n; is this completely self-indulgent... maybe... i will edit this when i wake up i swear

"i'm at a loss, eds," you say, throwing yourself onto his bed, arms and legs splayed out.

"why's that?" he was fiddling with the strings on his guitar, not looking up at you.

you sigh. "my sketchbook is like, empty and i have to turn it in by friday."

"that's in two days," he states.

"wow really? i didn't know that."

"teasing." he laughs, putting his guitar down, finally looking at you. "all outta ideas?" you nod. "draw me."

when you sit up, your face is so close to his, noses almost touching. "i can't draw you, i'll mess it up."

"then it'll be abstract. c'mon, i'll sit like a statue, i promise!”

you laugh so hard you throw your head back. the thought of eddie munson sitting still, like a statue no less, was wild. he couldn't stop fidgeting as if his life depended on it.

looking over at him, you noticed that he would make a good subject. his hands were really nice after all, the rings the cherry on top. you loved his eyes too, and his hair, and his nose. everything about him.

"okay," you say, smiling. he leans in so your nose touches his, and smiles. "i can draw you."

"fuck yeah, babe! can you do it with a colored pencil? you have those right?"

you nod. "i only have red and blue though."

"red, red's my favorite color."

you nod again, confirming the color. eddie had taken you home, to his home, after school like always, so you had all of your art supplies with you. it wasn't much, a few hb pencils, pens, and two colored pencils.

inside, eddie was freaking out. he loved your art, and would shower you with compliments and kisses when you showed him a new piece, throwing in a few can you draw hellfire posters? too.

he'd never thought to ask for a portrait before. maybe it was because some part of him, something very deep down inside him, thought it would be scary to see someone else's interpretation of him. he was excited nevertheless.

you pulled out your sketchbook with almost twenty-five percent of it filled and sighed, letting your fingers roam around the cover - feeling the divots of when you pushed your pencil too hard in to make a mark, meaningless doodles, and words.

"you can go back to doing whatever, i can go from there."

eddie kissed your temple and leaned back to get his guitar. he started messing with the strings again as if they weren't perfect the first time around.

you looked around eddies room, which had somewhat become your room. wayne suggested you move in, to help keep it clean. eddie even made a stack of your clothes on his floor.

"what's the theme of this one? they all got themes, right?" he asked, half distracted.

"uh, not sure. think it's something like family or your idea of home."

eddie smiled to himself. "yeah? you're okay with putting me with that theme?"

you started sketching out his room, the perspective a little wonky but it would turn out fine. "'course eds, not to be all cheesy but you're kinda my idea of home." you are my home, you want to say.

"that's awfully sweet of you." he teases again, but neither of you can deny the blush creeping onto his face. it starts at the tip of his ears. "just so happens that you're my idea of home too. i mean, you put your shoes next to mine!" he repeats what you said, but leaves out the kinda.

you laugh hard again, but don't reply. you relish at this moment, of eddie doing whatever he does, back towards you, but still touching you, and you doing what you love, of who you love.

your focus is turned back onto the page as you start to slowly add in blocks, mapping out the clothes on his floor, the posters, and little trinkets. crosshatching is used to add depth and shadows and make it all look a little better, more real.

when it's finished, you write home at the top right and sign your name under. "look, eds."

"you're a modern da vinci, babe." he pretends to not see the title at the top but smiles like an idiot to himself when he turns away.

you move on to the next page. anatomy. it was never something that you were particularly good at, everything looking a little off.

eddie's backside turns out to be a great reference. you start out with the outline of his back and his hair, then you slowly add details in, carving them in. you don't offer to show him this one.

next, you draw the guitar, where it hangs in front of the mirror. eddie moved on to messing with his amp. you draw the pick on his nightstand, and the box of cigarettes, though you don't draw the label. it's just a box on paper, but you know it's more.

"s'it working?" he asks. you've gotten caught up in your drawing that you didn't realize he sat right next to you again.

you hum, nodding. "i'm tired already."

it was pretty late, and you were pretty tired. "m'tired too. you sure this burst of inspiration won't disappear by tomorrow?"

"nope, because you'll still be here, i hope."

he smiles wide again. idiot, you think. my idiot. "always gonna be here."

with that, eddie helps you get situated to sleep, and you're out.

when the birds outside wake you up, you're excited to draw, your hands itching. you're excited because you get to draw eddie. the entire day was going to be focused on drawing him, his features and his hands and his tattoos, everything that makes him eddie.

because of how the trailer is set, the sun shines bright through his window, perfectly highlighting eddie. the sheets have slid down to his lower back, so you can see the curves of his back and the few light freckles on his shoulders.

it’s perfect, he’s perfect. you have to draw him.

moving as slowly as you can, you reach down to grab your sketchbook off the floor, along with a colored pencil. you mark down the general shape of him, and then work on his face - half in the pillow with furrowed eyebrows and pouted lips. you wonder what he was dreaming about.

you make sure to get the way his hair falls into his eyes and over his shoulder, a few distinct curls on his cheek.

“freak.” he mutters, opening his eyes a smidge.

“you asked for this.”

he huffs, slowly getting up with a groan. “guess i did. can i see?”

you shake your head and move the sketchbook away. “not yet, when i get it back. monday.” you say, promising.

“monday.” he agrees. “d’you want eggs? think that’s all we got.”

you nod. “eggs sound perfect, eds.” smiling, you think back on all of the other times eddie made eggs and how he dumped salt on them.

he stands up to find a shirt and pants, but not before he presses a kiss to your temple and each cheek.

you follow him into the kitchen, still clutching the sketchbook. wayne’s sitting in his chair, sipping a coffee. it was rare to see him so early.

“hi wayne.” you say, to which he turns back and waves.

“you know she’s an artist right?” eddie says, cracking four eggs into a hot pan. they sizzle.

wayne laughs. “‘course i do, you show me everything she’s ever given you.”

your face heats up at the new knowledge. “you do?”

eddie looks sheepish, like you weren’t supposed to know. he shrugs, a red blush painting his face. “i mean, yeah, sometimes.”

“all the time!” wayne corrects with a loud laugh.

eddie scowls playfully and returns to his cooking. attempt at cooking.

while eddie begins to plate the eggs, wayne departs, reminding you to show him more art. wayne was your second biggest fan, after eddie of course.

eddie, thankfully, learned how much salt is too much, so the eggs were edible. “wish we had bacon or something.” he says with his mouth full of food. you’d scold him for that, but you were too enamored with the sight before you.

his hair was a mess, his eyes were still droopy and half-lidded, and he was smiling at you once he swallowed his food. his smile. you wanted it burned into your memory forever.

“this is good.” you manage.

“you’re staring.” he states, smiling even wider.

you scoff, trying to play it off. “i do not stare!”

eddie’s finished with his eggs, so he gets up to clean his plate. he kissed your head as he passes you. “i stare at you too. in a completely normal way, though.”

“that was a normal way!” you join him in cleaning your plate.

the rest of the morning continues like it always does, brushing your teeth together, and getting dressed together, and leaving together.

the rest of the day, however, doesn’t go like you hope it does. you don’t see eddie for much of it, and all you want to do is draw him. it’s a funny feeling, not wanting to do anything but draw and draw and draw. maybe it was something eddie-specific.

before you knew it, you were walking into the drama room to watch eddie’s dungeons and dragons campaign.

the boys all lit up at the sight of you, waving and greeting you, then getting back into setting up.

“babe! how’d the drawing thing go today?” he asked, pulling you aside.

you shrugged. “didn’t do much, didn’t see you much.” he frowns. “i can do more tonight though!”

“you’ll show me?”

you smile, shrugging. “can’t make any promises.”

“god, you’re awful.”

eddie laughs loudly before running to begin the campaign. you have a seat near the table, where you can see the party to either side and eddie in the middle. the glow of the florescent light make it look like he’s got a halo around his head.

as the group progresses in the campaign and gets more rowdy, you decide to draw it. a little sketch, nothing too detailed. you’ve adopted the younger kids, so they fit in with the theme. found family, you think.

eddie’s in the middle with his arms out, and everyone else is at the sides, smiling wide with unique expressions on their faces.

you’ve still got a good chunk of sketchbook left, so you draw the party’s characters. it’s a little unclear what the exact vision was for all of them, but you do the best you can. you end up with numerous half-rendered pieces of their dungeons and dragons characters with the respective player labeled at the top.

by the time you’re done, they’ve finished the session and are cleaning up.

“was that a good one?” you ask when eddie’s done.

he puts a hand on your waist and leads you out to his van. he nods. “one of the best. think you’re my lucky charm, babe.”

“that’s cheesy.”

he pauses, thinking. “you’re right, but wasn’t that sweet? i just came up with that!”

you laugh and push his shoulder. “i could tell.”

“you’re evil.” he smiles, no real harm behind his words. “what’d you draw?“

eddie starts his van and begins to drive out of the school lot. “just you and the party, their characters, stuff like that.”

“y’know, they’d love to see that stuff.”

you nod. “i’ll tear out the pages when it’s all graded. they can keep it if they deem it worthy of their vision.”

eddie snorts. “they love you, of course they’d love it!”

you want to disagree, but eddie turns up his music so you can’t. you glare at him, but it eventually fades into an endearing smile.

once you’re at his trailer again, you’re quick to pick up where you left off - sketching his hands doing whatever he’s doing, in this case, smoking.

you draw his hand with a cigarette between his first and second finger, lightly sketching a line to make a string of smoke. you make sure to get his rings. you continue onto his arm, where he’s rolled up the sleeve. his tattoos are visible, so you draw them too. accuracy is not a concern, as you already know you’ve got them down perfectly. you know him like the back of your hand.

“think you’ll finish by tomorrow?”

you nod, drawing his side profile. “sure i will, i’ve got enough you to last a lifetime.”

“god.” he sighs, smiling to himself.

the page is full, so you turn to the next and focus on his eyes. what they look like when he smiles, the wrinkles in the corners, eyelashes kissing. what they look like when he’s happy and full of fondness. what they look like closed.

“you’re gonna get frostbite.” he says, pulling you you up and into the trailer.

“it’s seventy degrees.”

“it happens, heat frostbite.”

you give him a look, raising your eyebrows. “so… heatstroke?”

“maybe.”

the rest of the night is filled with laughter and funny looks as you try to get eddie’s not-so-patient expression down on the page. you’d have to see the real thing though, a pencil can only do so much.

the remaining pages of your sketchbook are filled with his hands. floating hands cut off at the wrist, just doing random things - holding a pick, practicing guitar, attempting homework, hold your hand. that was the hardest, trying to hold his and draw with the other.

“fucking finally.” you swear, wiping your forehead. “finally finished.”

“proud of you. all of little ole me too.” he smiles smugly, poking your side. “you’re gonna get the best grade on that goddamn sketchbook.”

you laugh, looking at him. admiring him. “i think i did well. you’re my muse now.”

eddie laughs loudly, trying to hide the growing blush on his face. to be someone’s muse was an honor, to be your muse.

you were eddie’s muse, numerous corroded coffin songs being written about you or with you in mind. two different artists, but you were all the same.

[nervousgardenerkid]

i finally decided to write something omg,,anyways MINORS DNI!!! seriously we'll fucking fight if u do. kinda smut?? mainly just the reader loving eddie. i don't think i used any pronouns? but it is implied that the reader is female. anyways hope u enjoy! and send more stuff i like writing :) i got this pic off of twitter so slay👁🫦👁

Eddie Munson was by far one of the prettiest boys you've ever seen. It didn't matter what he was doing. If he was sleeping he was the most beautiful sleeper there was, even if there was a bit of drool on the corner of his mouth, and his hair was all over the place.

When he played his guitar you cursed the gods for not giving you a single creative bone in your body cause the number of pictures you could draw or paint would be endless. You knew they'd never do him any justice, but the way he furrowed his brows as he tried to match the notes to his new favorite song. His teeth gently biting down on his bottom lip as he finally started to hit all the right notes, eyes lighting up in the process of it all.

He's pretty no matter what he does, but you think he's the prettiest when his head is between your thighs. You let out little giggles while he leaves trails of kisses along your inner thighs. He steals a glance at you and you feel your breath get stuck in your throat. As the sun sets in the distance the soft orange lighting found its way to the window in his bedroom at the trailer and painted his body a beautiful golden color. It's as if the universe was on your side and decided to freeze time for you.

His eyes were full of warmth, love, and lust all wrapped up in one, and his smile. God, that smile was going to be the absolute death of you. He was going to be the death of you. You let out a gentle “hm?” as your body shivered from his hand grabbing yours.

“I asked if you were okay, sweetheart,” he mumbled while placing another kiss on the inside of your thigh. His nose gently nudged the smooth skin.

“I'm fine,” you whispered, sitting up and resting your free hand on his cheek. He narrows his eyes at you sitting up so that he's now at eye level with you.

“What's going on in that pretty head of yours?” he mumbles to himself more than you.

You smile and let go of his hand to place yours on his other cheek. He leans into the warmth of your touch as you let out a sigh of contentment.

“You're so pretty. You know that?” you said softly as you lean in slowly.

“No matter what you do,” you kiss his cheek. “You're pretty while you sleep,” a kiss on his other cheek.

“You watch me sleep?” he teases.

You roll your eyes and flick his forehead before kissing it. “You're pretty when you spend hours playing your guitar.”

You feel his face get warm and you pull back a bit to catch a glimpse of the pink dust across his cheeks. “Pretty while you plan your D&D night,” you're littering kisses across his jaw and neck.

“My pretty boy,” you mumble against his lips. Eddie lets out a small chuckle and wraps his arms around you while dragging you into his lap.

“When am I at my prettiest?” he asks while looking at you with bright eyes.

You feel your cheeks heat up and let out a whine while putting your face in the crook of his neck. It's one thing to think this to yourself, but to say it out loud is another thing.

“Oh? Now that I know your reaction you have to tell me,” his hands fumble with the hem of your shirt. You shake your head and let out a yelp when he lays you down, his body hovering over you.

“Well that's not fair now is it sweetheart? I asked nicely and everything,”

You giggle once again and lift your head enough to meet his lips halfway. He let out a hum and put one hand on your waist while he used his arm for support. The kiss was slow and sweet, like you both had all the time in the world and decided to spend it with each other. You pull away breathless and put your lips near his ear.

“You're the prettiest when you go down on me.” When you pull away you don't expect his face to be as red as yours, but it is. He giggles. He actually, giggled before he finds himself making his way to his original position.

“You think so?” He asks quietly before teasing you through the soft cotton that acts as a barrier.

You nod your head, letting out a low moan when he moves the cotton to the side. His fingers now teasing you.

“Well,” he starts, middle and ring finger slowly making their way in. “I think you look beautiful while I’m down here.” He picks up the pace a bit and places a kiss where you need him the most. You whimper at the contact of his lips, almost pushing his head back with the heel of your foot. He smirks up at you and glances back down.

“Let's see how pretty we can get tonight, yeah?”

There are very few hills you would die on but Eddie Munson being the most beautiful boy there ever was is a hill you'd happily die on.

[koemiii]

Hii! I'm here for the matchup if it's alright.

Sexuality: AroAce, but I'd like a QPP [Queerplatonic partner] i am fine with being paired up with both genders.

Pronouns: He/she/they [any of the three is fine]

🏹 — AESTHETIC:

Metalhead all the way, and the other 1% knightly aesthetic.

🕸️ ; PERSONALITY — My personality is basically a brazilian on crack, I'm very loud and chaotic. I alternate between being clever and walking headfirst into a brick wall, I'm also very oblivious and blunt, you'll have to explain something to me at least 10 times again if i don't understand, i also like to make jokes, and puns sometimes! In general i just adore making jokes and getting a good laugh. I am just a crackhead. Speaking of crackhead, my humor is extremely broken; I'll laugh at anything ranging from the most chaotic thing (examples: a goddamn picture of an m&m, a horse with high heels, a piece of bread falling, the word balls, someone flying, literally an image of a tree with music) honestly anything ranging from just that will make me wheeze like my lungs just exploded, I'll be laughing like a deranged fox. I am seen as pretty chill, I'm honestly a happy-go-lucky person and I can socialize with everyone, i have a habit of cursing and invent the most absurd sounding curse words my favorite ones are “you blithering feculent shithole” “What in the name of sweet dong tickling horse fuck?!” “bunch of putrid douchesquatting cretins” “you shitsmearing fuckass” and finally “how can you be such a fucksquatting pain in the waste chute” i also have a knightly persona and act like a knight despite my use of constant profanity. 'Tis but the truest way of the knight! Any chance i get to act like a knight, I'll take it. if I'm in the presence of an animal and you're talking to me? I'll pay more attention to the animal. I usually miss major signs due to me being an oblivious asswhiffer. i also have a habit of usually just agreeing on anything and never really taking action, just obeying orders lol- i basically act like an actual knight to their queen/king. 😭

🕸️ ; HOBBIES — drawing my QPP partner in a cute art style,reading, writing, playing the guitar, cracking my bones- like how people crack their fists, i do that except with every bone in my body, ankles, shoulders, neck, fingers you name it. Acting like a knight, or just whatever random clusterfuckery my dumb fuckass of a brain can come up with

🕸️ ; LIKES : animals,cats,ice cream,peanuts,the color red,Greek mythology,heavy metal/deathcore metal,dad jokes or any jokes, romcoms, cold food & drinks, the season of winter.

🕸️ ; DISLIKES : Tea, Coca Cola, Strawberries, Hot food, The season of Summer, icing and cake, any bug.. i guess there's not much.

INSECURITIES: my face i actually have a baby face and it ain't good, the scar on my left eye, my fear of thunder and thunderstorms it leaves me sobbing, another fear is bugs it also leaves me sobbing no matter the size of the bug i will scream so loud. The fact that I cook bad :'(

SOMETHING I LIKE IN A PARTNER: uhm anything really i don't think i even have a dislike.

---

BONUS:

🕸️ ; AFFECTION — I love making "fun" of people.. in a loving way. like I'll say something that's like “Hi there little stinky baby!” In a high pitched voiced to someone i find stinky [mean demeanor or just tsundere behavior] basically like how cat owners talk to their cats, if they mess up a word I'll also mimic them in the same high pitched tone while rubbing their face and lightly squeezing it adding a “you're so cute! Such a cutie!” everytime, if I'm far away; I'll be giggling and doing squeezey hands. I also love cuddling! I love being the little spoon despite being tall. I love drawing my partner in a cute art style! Only way to describe my love language is basically affectionate teasing. I'm very clingy too-

----

I really like spiders! They actually don't scare me at all, in fact when i see one i pet them using my finger and let them crawl on my hand. I actually have a pet spider too! His name's bobby and he's a tarantula! His species name is Arizona Blonde

Hope this wasn't too long..

Hihi!!!! How are you? Ahh you're like me in someway!! My humor is brokenmm too like ur mum. /j

results down there!!

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ * 。° 。 • ˚《

Your fated partner is... Hutao!!

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ * 。° 。 • ˚《

Y'all will definetely go out to have a movie date and theme park hangouts i'm sure of it. Life's no fun without these things!!

You and Hutao share the same broken humor. She has patience in explaning everything to you despite your nature!!

You and her's like two peas in a pod. Loud and chaotic? Her thing.

The habit of absurd sounding curse words from you, hmm...she has learnt a few- well, maybe not a few. A plenty of them to count. Or maybe you can't count anymore. Okay. Too much to count.

Ooh you act like a knight? She's interested in roleplaying with you!! She just geniuely loves the vibes you radiate (especially around her.)

Do you know, Hutao loves to write poems!!! So I think this will be a great opportunity to exchange ideas on poems, stories...etc.

Everytime she hears you cracking a bone, she'll never miss the chance of selling you coffin(s). She thinks you’re helping her to boost income!!!

There's a cat outside the Wanghsneg Funeral Parlour. Hutao feeds it daily wayy before she met you. She has been friends with the stray cats n dogs in Liyue since she's stil young!! Sometimes takes you to where the animals are. She knows you like them!

She's into heavy metal/deathcore metal too, not surprisingly. I feel like since you and her share the same aesthetic, she steals your clothes 24/7 and doesn't even tell you until you ask her hehehe. She just gives you back a cheeky smile when she returns your clothes.

You and her sleep together everynight. And those nights are always filled with bedtime storytelling, from you telling her Greek Mythology to her telling you histories about Liyue which she heard from Zhongli.

When it's winter, y'all go out to have a snowball fight!!

In conclusion, although she seems to sell you coffins everyday, she doesn't want to lose you. She doesn't want you to die on her too fast. As her partner, it's her job to protect you!! She loves you so much.

Woww...you love spiders and you even have a pet spider!!! That's so great!! But Hutao rembers that you dislike insects...hm, well, maybe spiders hold a special place in your heart just like herself.

Bobby's cute!! She knows that. Finds it amazing too, letting Bobby crawl onto your hand. However she had tried selling bobby pint-sized coffins.

Hutao loves your cat so much!! Whenever she and Morrigan cross paths in the home, she'll pet them. Who can resist a floofy and warm cat, she says.

I assume the origin of Morrigan's name have became some night's bedtime stories with you telling her.

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳BONUS!! -ˏ͛-

Everyone has their own insecurities and fears, so it really doesn't matter to her. She understands. She promised that she'll protect you!!

She doesn't find your baby face bad. It just makes you yourself unique!! Instead she finds it cute and she doesn't hesitate to tell you that you're cute. That's really what she thinks and this isn't your flaw. It's what makes her little stupid boo special!!

When it's having a thunderstorm, she know that you'll be scared. She may seem unrealiable at first glance but she's wayy more than that. She'll engulf you into her, cover your ears and whisper comforting words. May even pat your head too!! So don't be scared.

══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖°╞══✿══

sorry if this took too long!! hope you like this ;) lmk in the comments if i missed anything please!!

[antigoneidk]

can't help falling in love|t.h.

summary: when words can't speak enough, songs will do

pairing: tom holland × reader

words: 2k

a/n: well I think we all fell in love with this Tom right? I mean who wouldn't??? Wish more of that content cause I'm a sucker for him..

"Over yours tonight?"

"Yes. Bring your guitar too."

"We're about to have fun tonight."

"As we always do!"

And when it was just the two of you, you always had a great time. The chemistry that had been developed between you and Tom was indescribable and everyone seemed jealous of what you have created. It was amazing how much two people can connect, two different souls in such a little period.

You loved your little secret "rendezvous" as you liked to call them. He'd come to your place, or you'd go to his, sip wine and talk for hours and hours about everything. From how the world was created, to how your nail broke, or the way some theories of very famous scientists may be wrong, or how his brothers crashed his car without him knowing, even analyze the way social media work, or begging him to show you videos of the set for his upcoming film. Maybe you'd complain about how early you have to wake up the next day and he'd make fun of you before he realizes that he's going to wake up as early as you. And you'd beg him to stay, or the opposite. 

And after that, you'd grab your guitars and play until you fall asleep on the couch.

He looked so handsome concentrated on not losing any chord, not ruin the melody. His brown eyes focusing on the strings, his fingers following the sound in his mind, his body relaxed, and his ears longing for your voice.

How he adored listening to your angelic voice. He couldn't explain the way his heart melted with the sweet sound of yours, his stomach filling with butterflies, his mind following the heart on this chaotic, exciting, endless road. He didn't know if he was in love or not. It was confusing inside his head. He never knew what falling in love means, the symptoms are different from one person to another. But he was only looking forward to the time he'd have to spend with you, the feeling of enthusiasm getting stronger as the day went by. He knew that you were the only one that could bring the peace he searched for, it was you that brought those feelings that he wanted to see for himself. He admitted once that he wished you'd be more than just his close friend to himself. Yet, the fear of losing you was massive and your presence in his life was more important than his feelings. So the only way was to push them to the side.

You knocked on his doorbell and fixed your guitar on your shoulder while waiting for the door to open. You looked down at your shoes noticing how dirty they got but as you were about to somehow clean them with your hand, you heard the door open and your eyes met his.

"Hi," you said cheerfully leaving the guitar to your side and wrapping your hands around his shoulder. His familiar scent came to your nose, your eyes closing for a moment enjoying his smell, but also the sensation of his arms tightening around your waist.

"Hey, beautiful" he mumbled softly and let go of you. "How are you?" he asked grabbing your guitar and closing the door behind you. 

"Now that I am here I'm so much better" you confessed. "Oh, you didn't wait for me to help"  you complained seeing that everything was already prepared for you.

"Why would I need help?" he asked.

"Because...I am your friend and you don't have to do all of these for me"

"But what happens if I want to do all of these for you?"

You stared back at him without any answer to his question. You tried to read his face, understand if he was joking or not. If he was playing with your feelings or if he was just completely clueless. His puppy eyes nearly convincing your heart that everything was true, your mind shouting to not believe this. It was a battle happening right in front of you, however, you stood still and did nothing.

"I'm pretty sure you do not so stop saying things you don't mean and let's go drink"

____________________

"But she fell in love with him Tom. She was happier than ever. She was willing to be there for him  for the rest of her life, she stood by his side through everything, his madness, his anger, his sadness, his happiness-"

"He was suffering y/n-"

"If he loved her enough-"

"Do you know how is it feel to be stuck on a chair and not move even a single finger? No matter how big your love is for someone, sometimes you're losing the fight" Tom sipped his last drop of wine and looked back at you.

"If we were in this position, would you die just like him? Even if you loved me more than anything?" you questioned.

"I seriously have no idea y/n"

"I'd live for you Tom" normally you wouldn't admit this, the wine gave you the courage though to do so. "If I was William in that stupid chair, I would want to live with you for the rest of eternity" you glanced at him meaning every word you just said. Your love for him was like no other and for sure knew that you were more than willing to move every mountain to be with him forever.

"Stop saying things you don't mean y/n" he copied your words and grabbed your guitar from the floor, unsure if he should play it cool or say something more.

"You are not romantic babe" you played it off resting your hand on the couch and placing your head at the top of it while waiting for Tom to tune the guitar. "Also I was thinking of something today while I was working"

"You were thinking again?" he asked sarcastically.

"You piece of...give me that" you laughed and took the guitar in your hands."So, as I was saying, I was thinking that maybe today you should sing with me"

"Are you drunk?" Tom asked you disagreeing already with the idea you had in mind.

"What?"

"You know that I can't sing and even if it wasn't for that I would never sing with you"

"Why?" it felt kinda offending hearing those words as you didn't know why he felt that way.

"You have the voice of an angel y/n. I'm never gonna sing with you 'cause you'll hear how bad I sound and we don't want this trust me" he pulled his guitar close to him and smiled in your direction.

"I heard you singing before and you sound incredible so cut the excuses and follow me okay?" you didn't wait for any of his complaints. You started playing the song you imagined singing with him all day. The first reason being the fact that it was an easy song to play and sing. The second reason was the lyrics of it.

"Wise men say

Only fools rush in.." you began singing.

"Come on Tom..but I can't help falling in love with you" you continued hearing only whispers.

"Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin... I can't hear you

If I can't help falling in love with you"

Tom gained some courage and started singing louder. He didn't want to be unable to hear you, it was the thing his heart desired. But your expression, your eyes wide open begging him to join you. He could resist to them ever.

And the lyrics.

"Like a river flows

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be.."

You both stared at each other as you kept going. It felt more than just a song, more than just a famous melody. Those were words that none of you had the strength to say, not even dared to try. The fear of loss, the shyness of the last minute. You were saying to yourself that his teasing was just for fun, nothing more. Tom was doing the same. It wasn't complicated at all, but both your minds trapped in this maze, wouldn't detect the way out that was right in front of your eyes.

"Take my hand, 

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you..

For I can't help falling in love with you" 

You bit your lip and positioned the guitar to your legs keeping eye contact with him. The silence in the room was comforting, calming.  It definitely could say more than words.

Fuck it.

"I wish I could kiss you right now" Tom whispered under his breath, loud enough for you to listen. It was shocking. You blinked quite a few times doubtfully, assured that this was only a prank. But he was there looking at you, waiting for a reply. You were confused and he saw it too. His palms started sweating and his heartbeat increased in the blink of an eye. The voice inside him would stop yelling 'you screwed it' and his feeling got hurt quickly. He was ready to listen to you making fun of him, the plan that would break his heart in two. But your silence was currently the only thing he didn't want to. He searched for any signal on your face, even your body language but you were standing still as time had stopped.

"Then do it" 

He didn't hesitate for long. He was dreaming after all. Because this wasn't the reality he lived for sure. 

Fireworks, fireworks, fireworks.

He swore he heard them. The moment his lips captured yours he could hear those fireworks in his heart and ears. Bells were ringing and angels singing. Damn, I'm kissing one of them he thought. His right hand touched your neck deepening the kiss he was yearning for. Your lips in sync warm against his skin. His tongue over yours exploring your taste. Your perfume fueling his nose and brain, the butterflies dancing in their music now. 

It was magical. The goosebumps all over your skin making it even more real. Heart about to explode, all of the happiness hitting throughout your body. It was happening and still, it seemed like a fantasy. You slowly touched his chest and moved upwards to his shoulders making sure that you were really touching him and not any of your pillows. The sensation of his lips in yours was so much better than your imagination. Perfectly made for kissing you and only you.

You broke the kiss and the brightest smile he ever saw was on your lips. The lips HE was kissing.

"Y/n you have no idea how bad I wanted this to happen" he touched your forehead and with his thumb started to draw small circles. A tear rolled from your eye and dropped to his hand.

"Why did it take you so long?" you asked and closed your eyes feeling his breath hitting the skin of your face and hands.

"Baby don't cry. Please" he murmured.

"I'm just happy you know. It's no longer a fantasy or a dream. It's real" you admitted with your shaky breaths making your work hard. But you couldn't care less at that moment.

"I was afraid of losing you y/n. What if you didn't feel the same way? How was I supposed to know?"

"You wouldn't lose me okay? I'm feeling the same way Tom" you carefully brought your fingers at the top of his lips and touched them as you dreamed to. "I'm yours. I'll always be yours."

**the movie mentioned was me before you

**the song they were singing was can't help falling in love by Elvis Presley

Thank you for reading❤

[whiskeyandwolfsbane]

8/14 - 11:04PM

My final post-op appointment was on the 11th! The nurse took off the steri-strips covering over the incisions, and cut off any remaining sutures that hadn't ended up dissolving like they were supposed to, and said everything appears to be healing nicely.

I'll take her word for it; though I have been and still am kinda worried about how, to me, my nipples look like they're spaced unevenly. Like, too far apart. Everyone I've talked to about it so far though says, you're still healing, the swelling still hasn't gone down, give it time. So I'm trying not to stress too hard.

While there, I went to bring forms to the front desk. You know, the ones they told me to fill out that I had already filled out. (I didn't fill them out again, I just brought the original ones from home.)

The woman at the front desk, the very sweet one who helped me the first time I actually filled everything out, said she would take care of it and when I came out of my appointment, to come by and she would give me my paperwork back.

So I get out of my appointment and walk up to the desk. She tells me that she did some research - and apparently I was already approved for medical leave.

This was very confusing for me, since I never got any sort of notification: no email, no letter, no phone call. The only letter I got was for when I got denied.

We discussed it for a short time, but only really could come up with "maybe things got lost in the mail". She couldn't tell me where or who exactly allegedly approved it either. When I got home, I eventually called into SAW to ask about it.

According to the lady on the phone - I have never had medical leave approved. Only denied.

So yeah I have no fucking clue what is going on anymore and I'm so over it, lol. I'm trying not to bother thinking about it anymore. Later in the day, my store manager texted to ask if I could come back by the 3rd of September. I considered it, but since outside of having money again I would gladly stay away for months upon months, I decided to stick with the date my own surgeon originally gave me (that I sent to him and the HR team actually) and say it'd be best to wait til September 9th. So that's what I'm doing.

Other than that... yeah. Same old, same old. Just playing video games, reading, trying to get back into writing and trying to learn guitar and trying to learn to draw.

There has been trouble in my family. One of my grandmothers passed away suddenly and shortly after that, someone else in my immediate family had a near death experience that I'd rather not talk about as it's not my place. I only just found out about the second; I learnt about the first a few days ago after it happened.

My mind is... mush. There is a lot going on mentally and I'm not sure how all to handle it. So of course I'll handle it the way I've been handling my beloved cat dying, and how I've been handling my crippling fear of the future, and how I've been handling my general pining for past relationships that have changed drastically.

That is to say, refusing to think about any of it and throwing myself into multiple forms of media at once (i.e., a game going on my laptop and one on my phone, a book open on the desk next to me, music playing in the background, and notebooks scattered around) and never letting up until I'm no longer able to stay awake, thus being taken by the release of sleep. I am well aware that I'm doing myself a disservice and only delaying the inevitable, and that it will be all the worse for me when the foundation caves in but... I can't really help it. It's all I know how to do.

Anyway, sorry, that was a bit of a depressing note and nothing really related to my surgery, which is why this blog exists, and none of yall need to be burdened with my mental BS, so - sorry about that.

On a positive note to try and bring this back; so far, it's been really, really nice to be able to wear tank tops and not be super uncomfortable anymore. I'm still semi uncomfortable because of how large my stomach is but it is very nice to finally have a flat chest and not have to worry about that part of things anymore. I'm excited to hopefully lose weight and then be able to fit into all the old shirts and jackets I've missed so much.

And... yup, that's about all I got, surgery-wise. see ya.