#i'm just waiting for may so nine can be happy

[imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul]

The Prince - Chapter Nine

A/N: Hello! I did not expect this chapter to be as long as it is, but there was just too much to squeeze into this one! Only one more chapter left! I want to thank you all again for your likes, comments, and reblogs! It means the world to me and I hope you stick around for more Jace fics after this one is over. Like before, please see tag list in the comments.

Pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x Reader Word Count: 5.2k Synopsis: Finally, all matters are put to bed as Jace meets with Baela, the reader meets with Rhaenyra, and Lord Blacktyde is dealt with.

Warnings: violence, blood, death

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Jace walks directly out of your chambers and heads for Baela’s. It is too early an hour to be visiting, but he cannot wait any longer. In this current situation, he needs to ensure your safety. Besides, he has put off this conversation with Baela for far too long.

He gathers his courage as he knocks on her door. To his surprise, Baela answers the door herself.

“Jace,” she says with a sigh, looking him up and down. “I’ve been expecting you.”

“I’m sorry it’s so early. I—” he pauses, taking a breath, slowing down, “Can I come in?”

She doesn't respond, but holds the door open. As he walks in, his thoughts are of you, your smile, your hand in his, and it gives him the strength to finally face her. To finally tell her the truth. When he does, she’s already looking at him with a sad smile.

“I know, you know,” she says softly.

“Baela, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to find out from anyone else but me. You're my closest friend, and--"

“I mean,” she says, walking into the room, sitting down on a couch, motioning for him to do the same. “I knew, I think even before I knew. Your feelings for her . . .” she sighs, “It’s the kind everyone wishes they’ll find.” She is still smiling, but there is a hurt behind her eyes, too. When she meets his gaze, she laughs.

“Don’t you dare pity me, Jacaerys. I’m glad that you’ve found love with Y/N. You deserve happiness.”

“So do you."

“I know,” she says with a laugh. “I see the way you look at her. I hear the way Rhaena talks about her budding relationship with Lord Corwyn. I want the same for myself.” She sighs. “I used to think I might find that with you.”

“I love you, Baela. It’s just—”

“I know,” she says, smiling gently at him. “I don't feel that way either. I love you, too, just . . ."

"Yeah," he says softly. She is quiet for a moment, studying her hands.

“If I break our betrothal, I don’t want Driftmark," she says. Jace's heart leaps once. He meets her eyes, seeing a determined glaze in them.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“King’s Landing is my home, I don’t want to leave it.”

“Baela,” he says with a smile, “I wouldn’t have you anywhere else. During the war, you were my confidant, my advisor, I need you here.”

“I know,” she says with a smirk, “I’d like to be Hand.” A grin spreads across Jace's face.

“Done.”

When Rhaenyra invites you to her quarters, a horrible dread fills your bones. You think of the only other time you were summoned by her, when Lord Blacktyde arrived. There is little doubt in your mind that this meeting has to do with him.

You think she'll probably have Barun and his ship waiting for her command, waiting to send you off to the Iron Islands, never to see this family you have grown to love again.

At your arrival, a guard leads you into the queen's chambers. The room is warm, like Jace's tends to be, a trait that must run in the family. Rhaenyra is standing over her desk, her brow furrowed as she reads the scroll in her hand.

"Your Grace," the guard says, drawing her eyes up.

"Y/N," Rhaenyra says.

"Your Grace," you say, curtseying.

"You may leave us," she says, dismissing the guard. Once the door closes behind him, she gives you a small smile.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you here."

"Yes, Your Grace."

"Baela has agreed to end her betrothal to Jace," she says, making your heart leap. "I asked my son to hold off on telling you until I could speak with you myself.

"I have seen the way you look at Jace, and how he looks at you. I know there is love there," she says, a soft look on her face. "He deserves love."

"Yes," you say quietly, reflexively.

"But he also deserves a long life, an easier one than the one he has lived thus far. The arrival of Lord Blacktyde has made me reconsider my initial approval." She meets your eyes. "Tell me why you should marry my son."

"My Queen," you say, taking a deep breath to hopefully squash the growing panic within you. "I don't know why I should marry Jacaerys. I know there are more advantageous matches out there for him. I have no titles, no relationship to offer your family that you don't already possess.

"But I do know that I love your son, more than anything in this world. And I know he loves me," you say, your voice cracking with swelling emotion, "It is an honor I do not take lightly. For so long, I tried to fight my feelings, because I know I'm not good enough for him, because of my past. But your son has shown me that the love between us, the admiration and trust, it is not commonplace. It deserves to be treasured.

"I don't know why I should marry him. I probably shouldn't. But if you grant us leave, please know that I will do everything in my power to make sure he lives a long, happy life."

She studies you for a long moment. You fidget with the hem of your sleeve, waiting for some sign of her approval.

"What of Lord Blacktyde?" she asks. "If you are to reject him, he will turn his anger upon my family."

"I know," you say, dropping your head. "If it comes down to it, I would leave with him, if it meant keeping your family safe." She raises an eyebrow at you.

"That means a lot." She is quiet for another agonizing minute.

"I want to see more of Lord Blacktyde, to understand for myself the kind of man he is. Already, he has sullied his reputation after barging in here, making demands for you. Perhaps it wouldn't be the worst thing to lose his allyship. He is already ostracized in the Islands." That spark of hope leaps up into your throat.

"Your Grace?"

"If you would give up your happiness, your life, for my son, if you could walk away from your feelings, I can think of no stronger quality in a wife, and queen."

Jeyne is pacing in your quarters when you arrive back. The moment she spots you, she gasps, moving to your side.

"What did the queen say?" she asks. The tears that were threatening to fall during your meeting finally spill over.

"She said yes," you say, "Baela agreed to end their betrothal."

"And Barun?" Jeyne asks, her face flushing with excitement.

"I think she'll try to make some kind of agreement with him, she's inviting him to supper tonight to feel him out. Although, its my understanding that she wouldn't care either if the relationship falls through."

"Oh, Y/N," she says, wrapping you into a bear hug. "I'm so happy for you."

"Me too," you say with a laugh, wiping at your tears.

"Have you seen Jace yet?" she asks.

"Not since last night. I'm sure he knows, but I want to see him. To celebrate with him."

"Well, you'll see him tonight."

"Barun will be there, too," you say, "I won't be able to get close to him, to even let him know."

"The prince is clever," Jeyne says, "I think he found a way around Barun."

When you slip on the dress Jace sent, you are in awe. Jeyne always made sure you had beautiful, elegant dresses, but this one was of its own caliber. The beading made it sparkle in the light. The fabric clung to you favorably, the slightly lower neckline surely Jace's idea.

You feel absolutely beautiful, and stronger somehow. Clad in your future family's color, you feel some of their bravado embracing in you.

"If your father could see you now," Jeyne says, walking back into the room, also dressed in her finest.

"What would he think?" you ask.

"That he was a damn fool," Jeyne says, wrapping her arms around you. "He wanted the Vale, wanted its legacy to pass to your husband and sons. Look at you now," she says with a smile, "You're going to be queen."

You take in a breath. In your excitement, your love for Jace had overshadowed the fear of becoming queen. It's years away, but already, you worry what the people will think of you. Jeyne seems to notice your attitude change.

"It won't happen for a long time. You'll have time to prepare," she says, "But you'll be perfect."

"Thank you," you say, "For everything."

On the walk down to the dining hall, Jeyne tells you of her morning meeting with Barun. His terms hadn't changed from five years ago. He promised aid to the Vale in exchange for your hand. Jeyne had politely told him she needed to consider, and went on her way.

"How did he appear?" you ask.

"He cannot hide his emotions. He said all the correct things, but his face and voice held only frustration."

"I will be relieved when he is long gone," you say with a sigh, stopping in front of the doors to the dining hall.

"That day is near," she says. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

The heavy oak doors open to reveal Jace and his family. He is joking with Aegon, but upon your arrival, he looks up. A smile immediately breaks across his face. He bids his brother goodbye and comes to your side. You can tell he wants to do more, but he only takes your hand and kisses it softly.

"You are beautiful," he says, warm eyes meeting yours.

"Thank you," you say. He transfers your hand to his arm and guides you into the room. "I had no idea you had such an eye for gowns."

"I don't," he says with a smile, "But this one was as easy find, once I pictured you in it." His eyes flick down to your chest. It dawns on you then, just how long it has been since you slept together. Was it really only a few days ago? It feels like longer now.

"I've missed you," you say lowly, "I--"

The heavy doors open again, this time revealing Lord Blacktyde. He stumbles almost instantly, and you realize he is already drunk. Jace must notice the way your body tenses, because he tightens his hold on your hand, just as you break away from him.

"Y/N," Jace says sternly, quiet enough for only you to hear. "He's going to find out eventually."

"Not here," you say, watching as Jeyne greets the lord. "Please," you say, glancing back to him. "For tonight, let's just pretend."

"Pretend that I'm not the happiest I've ever been?" he asks, making you smile.

"Yes. Just for this dinner. Tomorrow, we will figure out how to tell him."

"Very well," he says with a sigh. "Let me escort you to your seat, then." His mirth has vanished, and you hate that you can't celebrate this victory with him. For so long, you two have longed for this very moment.

As he guides you to your seat, you cross him and whisper, so only he hears, "I love you." He keeps his composure, but the look in his eyes conveys his response.

"Y/N," Joffrey says, sat to your right. "You look lovely tonight."

"Thank--"

"Evening, Your Highness," Barun says, startling you as he sits in the seat to your left, the one Jace was about to claim.

"Lord Blacktyde," Jace says through clenched teeth. You exchange a look, but Jace is too smart to start an argument now. Rhaenyra sits at the head of the table. Her eyes meets Jace's and she inclines her head to her left, the unoccupied chair there.

As everyone takes their seats, Jeyne, Rhaena, and Baela across from you, the younger boys further down the table, soft chatter breaks out. For the first time since you revealed yourself to her, Rhaena meets your eyes and gives you a soft smile.

"How is Morning?" you ask carefully, hoping a neutral topic might mend the gap.

"She's good," Rhaena says, "I should be able to fly with her soon, finally."

"Really?"

"Dragons grow quickly," she says with a shrug. "You should . . . come see her soon." A strange expression passes over her face.

"I'd like that," you say, with a smile. She cuts into her food, and you assume she's done speaking to you, until she looks back up once more.

"Red suits you," she says. It's as much acceptance as you'll get from her, but it means the world.

"Thank you."

"So," Joffrey says, pulling your attention to him. "Remember in the library, when you swore nothing had changed with you and my brother?"

"Yes," you say, glancing up the table to Jace. The prince meets your eyes with a smile.

"Care to make any amends to that statement?" he asks when you look back at him.

"No," you say, smirking.

"Even now, you won't trust me with your secrets?" Joffrey asks, a frown on his face.

"Today we are pretending," you say, "Ask me again tomorrow."

As the next course is served, you feel you must relieve Jeyne from entertaining Barun. Thus far, she has been one of the few to speak with him, save for a few remarks from Rhaenyra and Daemon.

"Are you eager to return to the Iron Islands, My Lord?" you ask.

"Yes," he says gruffly, his breath reeking of ale, "I can't stand the heat here."

"It's not so bad, one you get used to it," you say.

"I don't intend to. You shouldn't either."

"May I remind you, Lord Blacktyde, I have not agreed to any terms with you," Jeyne remind him.

"Yet."

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't agreed to any terms, yet," he says firmly. Jeyne doesn't break eye contact.

"Of course," she says. She glares him down as she reaches for her glass of wine. He looks away before she takes a sip.

"What is it you find so desirable about the Iron Islands?" Daemon asks, drawing your attention down the table again. For a quick moment, your eyes meet Jace. He isn't looking at you, though, because his sole focus is on Barun. His fist is clenched tightly atop the table.

"Is it the never ending damp? The sunless sky? Or are the stories true, that the Islanders fuck the creatures of the sea?" Daemon asks. The room is quiet. Barun's face grows redder by the second. But before the tension can break, one of the younger boys laughs. Whoever starts it gets the other one going, too, and soon everyone starts laughing, too. The only one who doesn't even try to fake one is Jace.

"Say what you will about our customs, your Targaryen ones are much stranger," Barun says. Your laughter dies in your throat.

"And which customs would those be?" Rhaenyra asks.

"You forget yourself," you say quietly, hoping only for Barun to hear it. He turns to glare at you, his eyes bloodshot.

"You'll do well to learn to hold your tongue," he says. "As I was saying," he continues loudly, "Such strange customs. You married your uncle after all, Your Grace." Jace's knuckles have gone white.

"That must be why you've had such trouble finding a husband," he says, turning his full, horrid attention to you.

"How is that?" you ask.

"Because you're not related to them!" he says, punching the last few words as if he's a jester.

"Lord Blacktyde."

"If only you had just been a little blonder," he chortles. "Although, that rules doesn't apply to these two." He motions to Joffrey, then to Jace. Your prince's face is white with rage.

"Need I remind you who you are dining with?" you ask. Barun rolls his eyes. He seems closer now, as he looks at you. You can smell the alcohol and see the beads of sweat at his brow. You move closer to Joffrey.

"When we get home to the Islands, this back talk will not be permitted."

"I believe my cousin already told you nothing has been decided." You reach for your win glass, casually, needing to pretend all is well.

"King's Landing," he says under his breath. "Leave it to them to teach a woman such disrespect." You exchange a glance with Jeyne, both of you knowing you learned that trait well before King's Landing.

"And what is it exactly that you find so lacking in King's Landing, My Lord?" you ask.

“People claim the Iron Islands are barbaric, but when brother argues with sister, we don’t put the burden on the whole of the realm.”

“Would you call usurping our queen’s throne ‘arguing?’” you ask, your eyes flitting to the end of the table where Jace, Rhaenyra, and Daemon all stare coolly at Barun.

“I just believe that if things had been handled more rationally, I wouldn’t have lost so many good men.”

“People were lost on all sides,” you say, your wine glass nearly shaking in your hand. Tension tightens along the table. All side conversations have ceased.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” he says to you. “You need to come to the Iron Islands. It’s not safe in King’s Landing.” He seems oblivious to the shifting mood of the dragon riders around him. Rhaenyra has a firm grip on Daemon’s arm, but the King Consort shares the same expression as Jacaerys. Barun leans in even closer, until your back is pressed into Joffrey’s arm, trying to put as much space between you as possible.

He continues, unbothered. “I mean, they couldn’t even protect their own children, how could—”

The glass in your hand shatters in your grip, jostling the rest of the table. Both Jace and Joffrey are on their feet with you, the latter of whom reaches for your hand. You pull it back, your focus solely on Barun. You aren’t alone in this, the entire family looks at him with cold-blooded anger.

“Apologize,” you say firmly. He laughs as he looks up at you.

“Excuse me?”

“Apologize,” you say. The glare he gives you is one that could kill. But before he can say anything more, he finally looks at the people around him.

“My apologies, I meant no insult,” he says with a forced smile.

“Of course,” Daemon replies, an equally vicious smile on his own lips.

You sit down, begging Jace to do so, too. His jaw is clenched so hard, you aren’t sure he’s actually breathing. You give him a look that says please, and finally he sits.

“Y/N,” Joffrey exclaims, reaching for your hand. Jutting from your palm is a large shard of glass. Blood drips between the two of you. “You need to see the maester.”

“I—”

“She’s fine,” Barun grunts, taking your hand from Joffrey. He drags the chunk of glass down your hand, lengthening the cut before pulling it out. You clench your other fist, and take in a quivering breath, but that is the only reaction you’ll give him.

“See? All better.”

“She’s bleeding,” Jace says plainly, looking at Barun in disgust.

“Haven’t you been told, boy? Girls always bleed.”

“I think I’ll escort Y/N to the maester," Jeyne says, standing quickly. You look nervously between Jace and Barun. You don't want to leave, fearful of where this anger might lead. “Y/N” Jeyne urges.

“Coming,” you say, standing up. Joffrey places his napkin in your bleeding hand softly. “Thank you.”

As you move out from between them, Barun looks as if he wants to stop you. His attention moves to the end of the table, and whatever he finds on Jace’s face stops him. As Jeyne leads you out of the room, you look back once, unsettled by what has happened, and usure of what is to come.

The maester has just finished stitching your hand when Jace walks into the room, Rhaenyra and Daemn following close behind. He doesn’t seem to care that Jeyne, his parents, and Maester Orwyle are there. The moment he is in front of you, he grabs your face and kisses you.

“I’m fine,” you say when he pulls away. He doesn’t respond, just takes your bandaged hand in his. He studies it for a moment, then kisses the back of your hand.

“Jace,” you say, looking up to meet his eyes. His hard exterior drops then, and he sits down next to you.

"How is your hand?" he asks.

"The maester says I'm lucky," you say, "I could have lost my grip if it had been deeper. He says it will only leave a scar." Jace looks livid.

“Did anything else happen after dinner?” you ask, hoping to change the subject as Jace’s hand holds your uninjured one.

“No, Barun shut up once you left," Daemon says.

“He’s revolting,” Jace says, giving your hand a squeeze.

“He is,” Jeyne says, joining your small group. “And I’m afraid he’ll only get worse, when Y/N rejects him.”

“He’s one man,” Jace say firmly. His thumb traces over your skin, both to soothe you and to remind himself that you’re there. “He is disgusting, but he is not invincible. We’ll arrange to tell him in a group and then send him back to the Iron Islands.”

“And if he threatens the Vale?” Rhaenyra asks. "Or dares to threaten us?"

“Then I will fly there myself and defend my future wife’s home,” he says proudly. "And ours." You meet his eyes and give him a gentle smile.

"We will meet with him tomorrow morning," Rhaenyra says. "Tell him firmly that Y/N rejects his suit, and that if he leaves willingly, the Iron Islands will be rewarded. Hopefully, that will be enough."

The plan is set. The next day, Barun will be informed by Jeyne, in front of Queen Rhaenyra, Prince Jacaerys, and a slew of Kingsguard, that she rejects his suit. It is Jeyne’s idea that you stay out of sight, and you don't fight her on it. Barun is possessive. If you were there, you aren’t sure what he would do.

But the waiting is agony. When the time comes for them to go down to the throne room, you are confined to your chambers. You can’t help but pace, worrying what might be happening.

It’s an hour before a knock comes from your door. Eagerly, you run towards it and whip it open, having dismissed your lady’s maid half an hour earlier, because her worrying was just as bad as yours.

Panic surges through you, though, as you open the door and find not Jace or Jeyne, but Barun. He stands outside your door, a menacing look on his face, his nostrils flared. On the ground next to him, is the guard assigned to your chambers.

“Lor-Lord Blacktyde,” you stutter, backing up as he presses into your room.

“Now you’ll see me,” he says. His face is red, his tread heavy. He radiates an anger so great you haven't seen before.

“You shouldn’t be here,” you say.

“Why not? Expecting whatever lousy lordling you’ve been seeing behind my back?” he asks, still stalking towards you. Step for step, you back up, too.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Don’t lie to me!” he yells as your back hits the post of your bed. Quickly, you jump aside, putting some more distance between you.

“You forget yourself, My Lord,” you say shakily.

“I forget myself?” he asks with a laugh. “You were betrothed to me, but coming here made you forget your oath.”

“You married another,” you say, “How was I to know you’d kill her and come crawling back for me?” Anger flares in his eyes as he moves towards you. His hands reach for your arms, but you step back just in time. Barun catches his knee on the edge of a sofa, growling at the pain.

“This behavior will not be acceptable when I bring you to the Islands. You will be my wife and you will obey me."

“I’m not leaving with you," you say icily.

“The hell you aren’t."

“Let me remind you, that Prince Jacaerys promised war upon your doorstep, should you put up any fuss at my refusal.”

“The prince,” he says with a scoff.

“Should you comply, he will see that the Iron Islands are rewarded,” you say. Barun is silent for a long moment, considering. You think his anger might have abated, but when he looks up again, there is no life behind his eyes. They are dark like you know him to be, and you truly fear for your life then.

“The prince,” he says again. “The prince.”

“My lord, I really think you should leave now,” you say, moving towards your door slowly. As you take a few steps, Barun lets out a huff, his eyes locked on your movements. You stay still, waiting for your opportunity to react, when a pounding comes from the door.

“Y/N!”

“Jace!” you call back, immediate relief seeping through you at his voice. There might be more commotion in the hallway, but you can’t decipher any of it but his voice.

“You whore,” Barun mutters, drawing your attention back to him. “You fucking whore!”

“Please, let’s just end this peacefully,” you say, again stepping towards the door.

“The prince is going to save you?” Barun asks with a laugh. “Not only are you a whore, you’re stupid, too. He’s not getting close to you. And if he does, I’ll rip—” While he was rambling, you positioned yourself enough that while he is distracted, you shove an end table at him, catching him in the stomach. He hunches over as you run for the door.

The lock won’t turn, your hands are shaking so badly. You hear Barun approaching, and as you finally throw open the door, Barun’s hands grab your arms, pulling you back.

“Not so fast,” he mutters. You fall to your knees, trying to break away from him, but his grip only tightens, this time in your hair, as he drags you across the room. Jace runs in with Joffrey in tow.

“Let her go, Blacktyde!” Joffrey yells, his face paling when he sees you. Barun stops moving and lets go of your hair when he sees them.

“Oh, Y/N, look who it is,” he says. In response, you kick his leg, knocking him to his knees. You make to move from him, but he grabs your ankle in the last second. Jace and Joffrey run at him, pulling him back, but not before you get a kick to his face.

Barun punches Joffrey hard, knocking him against the far wall. As Jace continues to hit him, taking his fair share of punches, you struggle to stand up. As you do, you see Barun reach for the knife at his side.

“No!” you scream, running towards them. You grab the back of Barun’s shirt, pulling him back as hard as you can, until the knife falls from his hand.

“Stupid bitch!” he bellows, turning around quickly, his hand outstretched. Pain erupts across your face as his back-handed slap hits. For a moment, you cannot see anything. But when your vision clears, you see Barun, his hands wrapped around Jace’s neck, and in that moment, you know it’s one or the other. He is never going to stop. There is no deal to be made where he will be happy enough to let you go.

As you get to your feet, the knife on the floor glitters in the light. You take it in your hand, trying not to hear the sounds of Jace’s struggle, Joffrey's grunts of pain as he tries to stand. All your focus is on the move Jace taught you, so many months back, on the sparring grounds. The knife is much shorter than the sword you had practiced on, but the movement is the same. Your aim is the same.

Centering yourself, you get a tight grip on the knife. It is Jace or Barun, you remind yourself. Jace or Barun.

You lunge.

For a moment, looking at the knife wedged into Barun’s lower back, you think you’ve must have missed, angled incorrectly. But then, red starts to seep across his back. You step back as Barun drops Jace, who gasps for breath on the floor. Barun looks back at you, shock and betrayal etched on his face.

“You cun—” he coughs, dropping to his knees. He reaches around for the knife, but he can’t reach. Blood begins to pool from his mouth and it’s clear his strength is fading rapidly. While you still have the sense to do so, you move to Jace’s side, helping him sit up. Red marks mar his neck, but he is alive. You wrap an arm around him, and he does the same, both of you watching as Barun takes his final breaths.

For a moment, you just sit there in silent horror, watching the life fade from his eyes. The blood quickly pools around him, at the same time that your breathing quickens. Your adrenaline has cooled quickly. Tears now fall from your face.

Jace notices immediately, tucking you into his arms. He shushes you quietly as Joffrey comes to your side. He quietly checks in with him, noticing the blood dripping from his nose.

“You had to, Y/N,” Joffrey says quietly. The fact only makes your tears come more violently.

"He's right," Jace says, "You had to. He would have killed all of us.”

That night, you stay in Jace’s room. Neither of you want to leave each other’s side. Besides, your room is covered in Barun’s blood.

Jace leaves you alone only long enough to speak with his mother, but even that time isn't long. He is back minutes later, and the look of relief when he sees you again is unmistakable.

Jace holds you tightly when the two of you get into bed. Your arms wrap around him the same, but sleep avails you. Every time you close your eyes, you see Barun’s black ones. Every shift of the castle sounds like his pounding fist. Too often, you look up at Jace, the bruising on his neck, making sure he’s real, that he’s still there. Each time you do, he is already looking at you, too.

“Y/N,” he says softly, brushing your hair back with a gentle hand. “We need to get some sleep.”

“I know,” you say, snuggling closer to his chest. For a while, you are both silent.

“You saved my life, you know,” he says, whisper soft.

“Jace.”

“You did,” he says, the intensity in his voice bringing your eyes to his. “I can never repay yo—”

“Oh shut up,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “I told you, you saved me first, when you promised I could come here. And every moment after. Don’t forget you came to my rescue.”

“Y/N,” he says, hand on your chin, “I’m trying to say thank you.”

“Oh,” you say, smiling gently. “I’d do it again if I had to, for you.”

“I pray you never do."

“I love you, Jace,” you say, He smiles as he brings your lips to his.

“I love you, Y/N.”

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Meanwhile with Malleus

SUMMARY: You spent a lot of time with Malleus while the others fought ghosts. What could have happened in all that time? You needed to sleep before the party. And maybe he taught you how to play the organ.

CHARACTERS: Malleus Draconia x Reader 🐉🦐

TAGS: Fluff, GN Reader, Cuddles, Flirting, Kissing

WARNING: Spoilers from Twisted Halloween: Spectral Soiree

WORD COUNT: 2.830 words

COMMENTS: The truth is that I started writing this a few weeks (maybe months) ago and it has been on hold for a long time. As this event returned to the Eng Server I decided to finish it and post it in October.

I hope you enjoy 💚

After all that Halloween week, the Magicam Monsters and that parade, you were dead tired. You just wanted to rest after all that. But someone knocks on the door of Ramshackle Dorm.

“Tsunotarou?!” You didn't know whether to show that you were happy to see him or to ask if anything was wrong.

“Child of Man,” Malleus speaks with a smile “I'm here to invite you and the rest of the Ramshackle Dorm residents to an Halloween party at the Spectral Realm.”

You don't seem as happy about the idea as he thought you would be. And you were confused too. “A Halloween party? At the... what's the Spectral Realm?”

He briefly tells you about the ghosts and the party he plans to throw with the other NRC students at the Spectral Realm.

“I don't know if I can handle another party, Tsunotarou.” you say sadly “I'm really so tired.”

“Yeah...” Grim says “I mean, even if there's a feast, I still need to rest to have the energy to eat more.”

“Besides.” you look at the clock “Halloween is almost over.”

“Oh, don't worry about that little detail.” Malleus smiles and snaps his fingers. You stop listening to the clock ticking and when you look at the clock again it's eleven fifty-nine.

“Can you stop time?” you say almost in a whisper.

“You should know by now that I am capable of doing many things.” he smirk “But this spell is only affecting the Sage's Island. And about your tiredness, I'll let everyone else sleep until the party preparations are done, I can arrange a quiet place for you to rest in the Spectral Realm if you like.”

“We already sleep with ghosts so it shouldn't make much difference, right (Y/N)?” Grim says.

You sigh and end up accepting it. Malleus smile gladly and then looks at your tired posture.

“If you are also very tired from walking all day, I don't mind helping you.”

“Would you carry me in your arms?” you ask partly jokingly, partly hoping he would say yes.

He laughs, loving your boldness. “Are you sure you want to make such request?”

“Is that a no?”

“No, it is not a No. Fu fu. Honestly answering your question, yes, I would carry you if you needed. And yes, I would carry you to the Spectral Realm.” he smiles amusedly at you.

“Oh come on, just jump to his arms already or something!” Grim complains. “And do everyone a favour and get that room.”

You blush, Malleus laughs. “In fact, we should go. I don't want to keep Lilia waiting any longer. May I?” He asks you.

You nod and he picks you up, bridal style. One hand behind your knees and the other on your back. As easily as if you weighed nothing. Inevitably, you need to support yourself by putting your arms around his neck and your faces get very close. He’s smiling and his eyes looking at you affectionately.

“OI!” Grim complains again “My paws are hurting too. I also want to be carried.”

Malleus laughs again. “That can be arranged.” He turns his back to Grim and wraps his draconic tail around the little beast's waist. “MRAH!” And picks his up. “You are able to come by yourselves, correct?” he asks the three ghosts who have been watching in secret from you.

When you arrive at the Mirror chamber, Lilia was there waiting for you all. He just didn't expect Malleus to bring Grim with his tail and you in his arms. First Lilia worries.

“Oh! Did something happened? Did (Y/N) get hurt on your way here?”

You get even more embarrassed. Mainly because you knew that Malleus would tell Lilia the truth.

“Fu fu fu. Don't fret, Lilia.” Malleus smiles, like he's glad Lilia saw the two of you like this. “Child of Man is just really tired of walking all day and asked me if I could carry them.”

Lilia looks at you and gives you his sly smile. “Oh, truly? Fu fu fu. How daring for a human.”

“Can we go to that ghost world already?!” you hear Grim's voice complaining. “This is not that comfortable you know.” Malleus flicks his tail to the side, revealing to Lilia a Grim caught in a black dragon's tail. And Lilia starts to laugh heartily, almost bringing tears to his eyes.

Malleus only put you back on the ground when you arrived at the Sparkling Chamber. You took a moment to admire the place. But it didn't take long for you and Grim to start yawning.

“Ah, yes. I promised you that I would find you a place to rest.” Malleus remembers.

“Indeed, (Y/N) must rest.” Lilia says “I sure know how harmful lack of sleep can be to a human. If I'm not mistaken, I think there are some rooms beyond this Chamber that you can use.”

Malleus would go with you to find a room while Lilia started getting the chamber ready for the party.

You found a good one, but it had no furniture or what little it had was broken. You comment on trying to find another one, but Malleus says that won't be necessary. With a snap of his fingers the room is cleaned and the furniture repaired.

In one corner of the small room was an antique carved pine single bed. The sheets were white and the cover a pale purple. Similar to Malleus' own bed in Diasomnia. Grim jumped to the foot of the bed and was asleep in seconds. You, on the other hand, look a little unease.

“I can change your clothes to pajamas with magic if it makes you more comfortable.” Malleus suggests.

You say that would help a lot, so he gestures and your Halloween costume changes to pale green pajamas. It was comfortable, like the bed you sit on. But even so, there was still something that didn't leave you completely at ease.

“I know I sleep in a dorm with ghosts now.” You explain. “But I only sleep well today because I've gotten used to them and the dorm has had some improvements. But I almost couldn't sleep the first few nights. I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep here.”

“I see. Would you feel more rested if I stayed by your side until you fell asleep?” He was smiling, like he was sure you were going to say no.

When you say yes, he is taken aback for a moment. His bright green eyes looking at you wide open in astonishment. But then he remembered who he was talking to and laughed with the greatest of joys. He smiled warmly at you. “You know, I believe some children want company to fall asleep so that person can protect them from me. This is... an interesting... no, delightful turn of events. I dare say”

You open the sheets and lie down. After placing them on top of you and settling down on the bed, Malleus sits down beside you. He could use magic to put you to sleep, but he didn't want to. He wanted to see if you genuinely felt comfortable around him to the point where you could fall asleep.

“Briar Valley has many lullabies.” He tells you, with the softest of voices. “Sleep and dreams are deeply embedded in our culture. Would you like me to sing you one of our lullabies? Allowed me to guess, your answer is yes.”

“You can't make a proposal like that and expect me to say no.” You say with a soft smile and already with your eyes closed.

Malleus chuckles and happily fulfills your request. He sings to you in a sweet tone, that becomes even more affectionate when he looks at your sleepy smile.

When he finishes, you are already fast asleep. He is smiling looking at you and take one of his hands to your head. But stop before touching you, hesitating. As if he's afraid that the moment he touches you, you'll startle awake. But even so, he took the risk.

He puts his hand on your head, stroking your hair. And you don't wake up. Actually, your smile comes back slightly. He is so happy about it. And he decides to risk it just one more time.

He leans over you and kisses your forehead. And you were still sleeping. “Dream of me. As I dream of you.”

He stayed with you for a while longer. Before he finally left to assist with the party preparations, he did two things. First, he cast another spell so that outside noises wouldn't disturb your sleep. And second, he put a paper on your bedside table in case you wake up earlier than necessary. It said that since you had no way of knowing if you slept too much or too little, because time was still, you didn't have to worry that he would wake you up when the time came.

And that is what happened. You feel a kiss on your cheek and a familiar voice in a sweet tone saying your name. You open your eyes to find Malleus's bright green ones looking at you, over a sweet smile.

“We hear that the other students have already woken up and are on their way here.” Malleus explains, sitting on your bed watching you stretch. “So we figured you should have gotten enough rest too. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. Thank you so much.” you sit on the bed.

“For asking?” He seems confused that you would thank him so much for something so trivial.

“No. For what you've done. For fixing the room, giving me a comfortable bed and mostly staying with me until I fall asleep. I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep here without you.” You hear snoring at the foot of your bed, behind Malleus who was facing you. “Unlike Grim.”

Malleus seems very happy about what you said. And there was something he really wanted to ask you. “Do you happen to remember what you dreamed? People dream every night, but sometimes they forget about them and that's why they think they didn't dream that night.”

A dream? You think. And yes, you remember! But you say it was a silly dream. When the truth is, you're slightly embarrassed.

“I've heard that the silly dreams can be the most meaningful.” Malleus says. “I would love to hear about yours. But if it's something you don't want to tell me, I understand. Dreams can be extremely personal.”

You think about it. It was no dream that I couldn't tell anyone. It was even...cute. So you decide to tell him.

You remember you were in a forest, for some reason. You lived there? You had lots of animal friends and you remember singing and dancing with them. What you were singing... you recognize... it was the lullaby Malleus sang to you. There was an owl wearing the cape of the Houseworden of Diasomnia, a rabbit in each black boot with green heels, and a squirrel with a small pillbox hat, balancing on top of the owl's head.

When you finish describing this part, both you and Malleus are laughing. “I wouldn't be surprised if I ever witness the same scenario with Silver's clothes.” Malleus comments between laughs. But you hadn't finished telling the dream yet.

As you danced with the animals, someone appeared behind you and continued singing and dancing with you, making that song a duet. When you turn around, you find Malleus.

“Did I scared you?” He asks about the Malleus in the dream. He was smiling, but you knew that wasn't his real smile. It was a smile that hid some apprehension.

“No, of course not. I was very happy to meet you there.” He looked like you had lifted a weight off his shoulders with just those words of yours. The next thing you remember is dancing with Malleus in a ballroom. and what you were wearing was constantly changing color because... Two Lilias? Were arguing about whether you should be wearing green or purple.

And with that the two of you started laughing again. Malleus said you should tell that last part to Lilia, he'll love it.

“I dreamed of flying tuna cans.” Grim said, to prove that he too was already awake. "But I couldn't catch any. It was a nightmare.”

“Fret not, Grim. There will be plenty of food for you when everyone arrives and the party begins.” Malleus assured him. “And now that you two are awake, I should change your clothes back.” He wave his hand and Grim's hat and cap come back, but this time they're green instead of purple.

He gets up from your bed and holds out his hand to you, like one of those gentleman helping you out of the carriage. You give him your hand and get out of the bed. Then he surprises you by spinning you, like the dance move.

When the spin ends your clothes have changed. But not like Grim's that stayed the same, just changing the colour. Your clothes were also green now, where once were purple, but they weren't the same as the ones the ghosts gave you. It looks like an improved version, with more details and accessories. Malleus looked at you as if admiring you and proud of his work.

“How do I look?” you ask.

“Wonderful.” He simply says with a smile, as if it were an obvious truth.

He offers you his arm for you to walk arm in arm into the Sparkling Hall. He tells you about the plans for the party as you walk down the hall and explains about the mirror ball. And when he tells you that he plans to play the organ during the party you are so excited and curious that you ask him if he could play something for you.

He smiles. “I think there will be no problem. I may even take this opportunity to practice.” He takes you to the organ and asks you to sit next to him while he plays.

It's no surprise that he plays beautifully. You look at him playing which practically hypnotizes you. Your ears appreciate music while your eyes appreciate him.

He looks at you smiling, as if he knew you were looking at him the whole time. He lets you get flattered, he loves seeing you like that, before asking you: “You can play?”

“Organ? Oh no, I don't.”

“Would you like to try? We have plenty of time until the guests arrive. I can teach you a simple melody.”

You accept his offer. He smiles happily.

“I'm glad. I'm eager to hear you play. Even if it is a basic song. However, forgive me if this is an impolite question, but would you mind sitting on my lap while I teach you? it will be easier for me to show you the keys and the correct way to move your fingers from a similar perspective as yours.”

You try to say you don't mind without showing how happy you really are. However, it's not that easy, and he laughs with delight that you not only don't mind but are happy with the suggestion.

You sit on his lap and hear a soft sound on the floor behind you. You glance back and Malleus tries to hide his draconic tail whose tip was happily wagging. You don't hide your giggle. Your back finds his chest, his hands cover yours to indicate the keys you should play and he begins to teach you a simple but beautiful song.

After a few minutes, you forget the world. It's just you, Malleus and the organ. You fail a few notes and he corrects you with a laugh. When you get it right you hear him congratulating you and saying you're doing well. And all the while you can feel the affection he has for you, the gentle way he holds your hands, the sweet way he talks to you even when you miss the notes. Until you end up reaching the end of the song.

“Wonderful.” Malleus says with a sweet and dreamy voice “That was the most beautiful play I ever heard.”

“But I failed so many notes.” You remember him, smiling.

“I'm very aware of that. But it was the first thing I heard you play. So it will always be special to me from now on.” he takes his hands out of yours and hugs you around the waist. And lay his head on your shoulder. “You will always be special to me.” he whispers in your ear, and kiss your cheek.

You hear that sound of his tail wagging happily on the ground behind you again.

If you decide to tip your head back, tell him how you feel about him and allow him to kiss your lips, you will receive the most loving kiss and he will hug you tighter.

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[pink-amethyst-tarot]

♡ Message From Your Soulmate ♡ 

Take what resonates and leave the rest and know that you're the one in control of your life at the end of the day. . . .

P I L E 1 - Through the Fire

Five of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune (Reversed), Page of Cups, The High Priestess, Justice

Okay. First off, your person wants to say that you are their gift and that you are their surprise. They are so lucky to have you! (omg, I'm gonna cry!!!) Your person is saying that they know that you feel like they have abandoned you and you may have doubts about if this person even exists. They do exist. Your person is real, and they are working so hard to get to you. There have been delays in your union because you are trying to be too in control of the situation. Your person wants you to focus on your own growth and being the best version of yourself for yourself. They are going to come in so unexpectedly and it's going to feel so magical. This is not an ex. I'm serious. Let it go. I'm also getting the communication will be so good and so full of passion and romance! Your person wants you to listen to your inner voice and find the strength to be who you really are. You can look forward to learning a lot from each other. There is a balance in this relationship that you may not be used to. This person sees you as their equal. For some of you, there is a specific person who comes to mind when you read about soulmates, divine counter parts and the person that you want to spend this lifetime and every lifetime with. I want you to know that you aren't crazy. It's them. Just give them some time. Everything is going to work out and you will be together.

Extra channeled message: I love you, I love you, I love you, my sweet star. Hold on to me as tightly as I am holding on to you. Just remembering that you are out there for me, keeps me going; keeps me coming toward you.

Channeled Song: Through The Fire - Chaka Khan

Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall// For a chance to be with you// I'd gladly risk it all// Through the fire Through whatever, come what may// For a chance at loving you I'd take it all the way// Right down to the wire// Even through the fire//

if you want a personal reading, you can e-mail me at pinkamethysttarot@gmail.com

if you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage

P I L E 2 - my love is mine, all mine

King of Pentacles, Temperance, The Chariot, Ten of Cups, Nine of Pentacles (Reversed), Strength

Baby, you are so safe with me. Your person is so sweet and kind! I'm getting that they are a protector and very cuddly. I am going to be so gentle and so caring with you. You will never have to worry about anything when you are with me. Even if I am not with you, consider it taken care of. I am getting that this person has always been yours. In every lifetime, they have found you and made you so damn happy. This lifetime will be no different! Every universe, every life; I will love you, deeply. I cannot wait to grow old together. This person is a very dominate type, especially when it comes to you. One who likes to take the lead... in more ways than one. (my lord...) Your soulmate sees you as their happiest ending and they want you to know that they will never truly be happy if they don't have you. Unlike the previous pile, I am getting the energy of this being someone that you may know already, maybe even someone who is currently an ex. They have changed in some way, or the stars have aligned for you two to be together again. I'm getting that this person is really successful. Like... really freakin' successful. On the outside looking in, this person seems to have it all, but they don't feel complete because they don't have you but once they do, they are never going to let you go. You are theirs. (Okay, maybe this person is a little bit possessive but not in a toxic way. Definitely set boundaries about that kind of thing.) This love is so strong, so powerful. Wow.

Extra Channeled Message: You have consumed me; mind, body and soul, you have consumed me. You make ruins of me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I gladly give you my heart to do as you please. If all I can have of you is your destruction of my heart, I will take it. You have me.

Channeled Song - My Love Mine All Mine - Mitski

My baby, here on earth// Showed me what my heart was worth// So, when it comes to be my turn// Could you shine it down here for her?

if you want a personal reading, you can e-mail me at pinkamethysttarot@gmail.com

if you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage

P I L E 3 - My babe would have me

Eight of Swords, Nine of Cups, The Chariot, Seven of Wands, Knight of Pentacles

I have been through a lot when it comes to love. My heart has been broken over and over again but with you, it's different. You are a dream come true, my love. There is an energy present that is telling me that your person is going through a lot right now. It feels like a Dark Night of the Soul. They are definitely going to come out on top though. They are a fighter, and they have the upper hand in whatever they are dealing with. Part of the reason that they are doing this work is because they want to be the best for you. They want to be good enough for you. (Even though they already are!) This person is worried that they aren't good enough and that you will leave them or won't choose them! They are so sure about you though. They know that you are what they want in this world. They are working hard on a lot of parts of themselves because you are so worth it. I feel like, just like the previous pile, you may already know or be in union with this person or this may be about an ex. Like, I need you know that this person is working so hard. They are going to show, not tell you how much they have changed. Like this is a whole new person.

Extra Channeled Message: I want you to know that yes, I am working on me so that I can be better for you but it's also for me, too. It has been so hard to go through this healing, but it has been worth it, and I am glad I decided to change. I am glad that I decided to heal, and I like the person that I am now and who I am becoming. I am going to make sure we have a really good life together, my love. I refuse to make your day harder or to make you cry. You are far too precious for that. I love you to the moon and back.

Channeled Song: Work Song - Hozier

My babe would never fret none// About what my hands and my body done// If the Lord don't forgive me// I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me//

if you want a personal reading, you can e-mail me at pinkamethysttarot@gmail.com

if you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

page dividers created by @bunnysrph and @eloquentreverie

[starhoppin]

pick a picture; how do you capture people's attention

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「 pile one」

king of wands, the magician (cb: the moon), queen of cups

based on the court + major arcana cards, you have a very powerful aura/energy surrounding you. i'm hearing "naturally charismatic." you're the type of person that people turn to stare at when you walk into a room - all eyes are naturally drawn to you. people are attracted to your confidence; it makes you magnetic. you're self-assured and patient - others wonder how you're so successful. "you keep your cards close to your chest." you don't broadcast your desires to the world which helps you with your manifestations. you have strong boundaries, and there are parts of you that you keep hidden from the world - this draws people in since they're curious to learn more about you. you also have a healthy self-esteem which people admire. you're calm and collected - queen vibes. you draw people's attention because you're poised. i'm specifically getting the image of the queen in princess diaries (the one played by julie andrews). people look to you for guidance and strength.

[songs that may resonate] look what you made me do - taylor swift, la vie en rose - michael buble, wow - post malone

「 pile two」

the moon (cb: the hanged man, three of cups), nine of wands (cb: ace of cups), the emperor (cb: eight of cups)

you're mysterious to a lot of people. you draw attention due to your ability to adapt to any social situation. i'm hearing "enigma." at first, you may come off a bit guarded; however, when you're surrounded by friends and family, you're a lot more open. this paradox naturally draws people's attention. nonetheless, others view you as influential. you draw attention because you're the type of person who comes into someone's life and completely flips it upside down. even with a brief interaction, you have a way of changing people. you capture people's attention because of your connection to the divine. others can sense this about you. people feel like they can open up to you - you see them for who they truly are. you may often be used as a messenger for the divine. remember how i said that you have the ability to change people's lives? this is how. you have a gift of conveying what message a person needs to hear in the way it needs to be said. people are naturally drawn to you because of this gift. you capture people's attention because of your resiliency. you're not afraid to walk away from something that is no longer serving you. you know when to let go. you're independent. you don't tolerate or entertain low-vibrational people or situations.

[songs that may resonate] stories - paden, waiting games - trella, you were good to me - jeremy zucker, chelsea cutler.

「 pile three」

the world (cb: two of cups, four of cups), queen of cups, the empress

people are drawn to you because you have a good head on your shoulders. people think your independence is attractive. you may have a lot of suitors since you don't entertain just anyone; you're selective when it comes to romantic relationships. you're very discerning when it comes to people who approach you (romantic or otherwise) with negative intentions. you can spot them from a mile away. your aura/energy captures people's attention. you exude a calm and compassionate energy - you're approachable. others may even describe you as bubbly. i'm hearing the sound of laughter? like a really bright laugh that's infectious. so either you have a laugh like that or people tend to laugh a lot around you. where you go, happiness and abundance tend to follow which draws people's attention. with your energy and your intellect, you're naturally magnetic. i'm getting ethereal/royal vibes. "what you see is what you get." you're very transparent. you're not the type to be nice to someone's face and then talk behind their back, you're just genuinely nice. people may think that this comes easy, but you make a conscious effort to be this way. there's an air of humility surrounding you that people are drawn to. they know they can trust you.

[songs that may resonate] paper rings - taylor swift, i dare you - bea miller, i was in heaven - chelsea cutler

tarot deck used in this reading: cirque du tarot

[vivisviolets]

˖◛⁺⑅♡⑅~you received a lost package~⑅♡⑅⁺◛˖

🎁⁀➴ ✉ Energy check-in

📦⁀➴ ✉ Affirmations

📮⁀➴ ✉ Quotes

*cw* post longer than my temu package's tracking history 💀

˖◛⁺⑅♡⑅ -pick the package image you feel most drawn to- whatever caught your eye first upon seeing this post is most likely *your* pile!!!! but oh ofc you can also ease yourself, close your eyes, focus on your current state of mind/your life, and then ask yourself/spirit/God what pile has what you most need to hear rn! and pls pick more than one pile if you feel interested to do so!!! you may get messages you needed to hear across all piles yakno:))- okkkk byeeee-˖◛⁺⑅♡⑅

✉ pile 1

✉ ✉ ✉

✉ Page of Pentacles, King of Wands, Nine of Pentacles ✉

✉ Earth placements, Virgo/Capricorn/Taurus, fire placements, Aries/Sagittarius/Leo, divine masculine, divine femininity, heavy heart, earthy, warm/hot, -songs Only Angel - Harry Styles, Hate Me Harder - Kesha

✉ Woo- Look at youuu-!!! Look at you go more like- like, holy ish you should have seen me tapping into your energy and pulling out the cards one after the other with such genuine eassseee the heck... -but anyways pile 1s- you are REALLY setting your heart ablaze, it's like you're purifying your heart space after a period of purging energetically... In fact for quite a while, it was a consistent purging of- a lot for you. a total rebirth through a dark forest- you are literally an adventurer traversing through a fantasy land, following the pounding of your royal blood through your heart- knowing it will lead you to your glory- I'D SO READ THAT BAHAH- anyway though, you're really filling your heart with this fire. things and opportunities that fill you with joy and make you feel so warm inside 🎇🔥. I'm hearing a lot of self focus so projects around your passions or moving yourself up towards your goals! mmhm, I'm hearing a lot of different things for the collective- I'm seeing starting up a business, independent artists of various kinds, makeup or personal care focused products, you could be selling prints, monetized pages/videos, building a website- I'm seeing Jan Levinson with her candle side business😭😭... obviously you guys definitely don't house the shadow aspects of her character in your energy (tf am I saying 💀)- what I mean to say is after a lot of melting yourself down, you are now completely reforming into something that is completely personal and your own... like scented candle making 😭👍!!!!!!!!! okkkk I'm so freaking proud of you~ and if you've felt any heaviness just from you refilling your heart with so many opportunities- please don't let that cause you ANY doubts about your endeavors because OH👏- MYGOD👏 it's all going to go so well for you. no matter any circumstances or external worries. keep goingggggggg.

🔥🌱🌳

✉ Nothing can stop me from reaching my goals

✉ Regardless, my goals always become bigger and better

✉ I always reach my goals

✉ Regardless of anything external I am fully capable of achieving all of my goals

✉ Regardless of my mindset, I am fully capable of achieving ALL of my goals

✉ My goals become better and better

✉ I find fulfillment in my goals

✉ My goals always bring me so much joy

✉ My goals always bring me so much abundance

✉ I love building up my goals to infinity and beyond

✉ I am so good at doing what brings me joy and energy

✉ My goals orbit me

✉ My dream life is already waiting for me

✉ My dream life wants me

✉ Earning my dream life is as easy as breathing

✉ I am made of my dreams and desires

✉ My dreams and desires always become mine

✉ My dreams and desires are already mine

✉ Joy and abundance fuel my dreams and desires

✉ Joy and abundance fuel my goals

✉ Every single step I take brings me closer to my goals

✉ Achieving my goals is easier then ever before

✉ My goals have been deemed to be mine

✉Achieving my goals is so easy for me because they are already mine

✉ My goals love me

✉ My goals work for me

✉ My goals work towards me

✉ I am so happy for all I have accomplished

✉ My goals reward me daily

✉ I am rewarded daily because my goals are extensions of me

✉ I am so abundant

I have always been so abundant

Everything is an extension of me, and everything rewards me

✉ Everything is an extension of me, and everything flows me to where I desire to be

✉ My work is my creativity

✉ Creativity flows through me

✉ Creativity has always been my birthright

✉ I am made of creativity

✉ I am creativity

✉ I care for myself easily

✉ My goals allow me to relax

✉ My goals love when I care for myself

✉ The more I relax the more my goals flow to me

✉ I fully trust my goals

✉ I am fully deserving of my goals

✉ I fully deserve my goals

✉ I fully deserve and allow my goals to orbit towards me

✉ I align myself fully with my goals

✉ I am aligned to my goals

✉ I align myself fully with my desires

✉ I am aligned to my desires

✉ I align myself fully with my dream life

✉ I am fully aligned to my dream life

✉ My goals are mine.

✉ ✉ ✉

✉ pile 2

✉ ✉ ✉

✉ Eight of Wands (reversed), Seven of Pentacles (reversed), The Lovers

✉ Air placements, Gemini/Libra/Aquarius, earth placements, Taurus/Virgo/Capricorn, numbers 8, 7, 6, 1111, stops and starts, "air headed"/emotional/flightly described personality, healing unresolved wounds/fears, -song Love Is An Open Door - Frozen (2013)

✉ Oh my pile 2s :'), I'm pretty quick to ask how are you? seeing the certain reversals I got- one of them (Eight of Swords reversed) is definitely way more positive and a really good step in the right direction for you, it feels like a breath of fresh air!!- but it has a heaviness to it, it's a step in recovery from some baggage... and then the next one to come out felt like a real wammy- (Seven of Pentacles in reverse)... I got interrupted after a moment of being engrossed in your energy pile 2s, I feel you had a period where you felt this sense of freedom after a long while of realizing a lot of mental limitations you had that did not serve you- and so you jumped into trying and doing the opposite of those imitations!... but something might have happened that caused all that newfound sense of freedom to deflate in you- and you feel like you've gone right back to square one of how you used to feel- is that right? I find myself asking questions instead of being sure in what I am telling you, maybe that's the state that you're in currently of having all these why this? and why is that? with no feeling of hope in finding any answers, that right? <-- SEE?? there I go putting the questions back onto you instead of giving you answers:')- I'm so sorry. I'm hearing it might not have even been a big thing to have offset you as much as it did, just some sort of small trigger- it might have even just been your own pent up discouragement rearing its head at not seeing enough movement o headway in a certain aspect of your life, even with all the personal changes you were trying to create... I'm using the word trying a lot- omg this is so saddening😭... Ok, I'm going to pull myself out of this dark and dreary pity party (I don't say it in any mean way love ❤️) and take you up with me- because this place sucks and because I have got to offer you some help and some love- it's what you freaking deserve!!

-You have to address your feelings. you have to feel these emotions that are connected to all the limiting thoughts you have. you might be the type to be very flighty when it comes to your emotions- and there is a bright side to that trait that is beautiful and free and I don't think you should get ride of that!! but you're relying and using the shadow aspect of that trait by continuing to fly away to the externals first as to fix the limiting beliefs when really, the way to fix the external- is through the internal. do it for yourself, do it out of love for yourself. give yourself the space, time, patience and love that you deserve. heal your discouragement by allowing it to just be a feeling, and allow it to past like all feelings do. once you start healing and spending time and love on yourself- literally EVERYTHING in your life is going to blossom- love and freedom will be blossoming!!!! and you will be soaring stronger then ever before. oh my gosh-goodness I've gone on, but again- you deserve patience, love, and a space for healing- and I hope I was able to be that my pile 2s~ 🕊

(*reading your energy I know you may be cynical to these affirmations- again please address your limiting thoughts babe because they ain't getting you no where no how, and allow yourself just a little bit of trust. you don't have to even believe the affirmations, just read them/speak them. allow them <3.~*)

🕊🌅☁️

✉ I allow myself to heal

✉ I am patient with myself

✉ I allow my internal healing to play out

✉ I have full trust in my healing journey

✉ The more I allow myself to heal the more free I become

✉ The more I allow myself to heal the more I receive what I desire

✉ The more I allow myself to heal the more I accomplish

✉ The more I allow myself to heal the better and better life gets for me

✉ I align myself to love

✉ I align myself to joy

✉ I align myself to abundance

✉ I align myself to peace

✉ I align myself to my self love

✉ I align myself to my inner joy

✉ I align myself to my inner abundance

✉ I align myself to my self peace

✉ I am in alignment with myself

✉ I am capable of receiving all that I dream of and desire

✉ I am capable of giving and receiving love

✉ I am capable of self love and self care

✉ I am always capable because I am enough

✉ I am deserving of healing

✉ I am deserving of what I will accomplish

✉ I am deserving of love, healing, freedom, and to know myself better

✉ I deserve to be healed

✉ I deserve to be limitless

✉ I deserve to love myself

✉ I deserve love

✉ When I change, my reality follows

✉ I make the choice to heal myself

✉ I make the choice to love myself unconditionally

✉ I make the choice to allow self growth

✉ Regardless of anything external, I allow myself full self love

✉ Regardless of anything external, I allow myself to fully heal

✉ I release what no longer serves me

✉ I release what does not serve me and reclaim my energy

✉ I call all of my energy back to me

✉ My path ahead is full of healing, love, beauty, abundance, joy and freedom

✉ I trust my path

✉ I will be successful

✉ I trust that my path is full of abundant success that expands

✉ I am already successful

✉ Success is already mine

✉ I trust that success will flow into my life

✉ My success will build and expand

✉ I know that my success will be full of all my desires

✉ I am deserving of my success

✉ I desire to be successful

✉ I allow my success to flow into my life

✉ I trust my success

✉ I trust that success always finds me and I always find success

✉ Everything I desire will find me

✉ Everything I desire will flow into my life

✉ ✉ ✉

(*idk why but extra quotes for you~ ur favored fr~*)

✉ pile 3

✉ ✉ ✉

✉ Three of Swords (reversed), Ace of Wands (reversed), Nine of Swords (reversed)

✉ Air placements, Libra/Aquarius/Gemini, water placements, Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio, numbers 2, 222, 2222, 1212, 2424, 444, old connections, not needed, present-day path, planting seeds, blunt/honest/levelheaded/practical/mature/grown described personality, "he said- she said-", divided energies, feminine intensity, masculine intensity, commonly used emojis 💗, 🔥, 💀, -song Bloodline - Ariana Grande, Stray Kids (?), Enough - Jess Glynne

✉ For the first time in maybe over 3 years, my brain began to play Bloodline by Ariana Grande as soon as I tapped into your energy- I'm getting you may definitely have prominent air or water placements, more so Cancer, and Libra- other air and water placements too and oh gosh I'm realizing that those are Ariana's signs in her big 3- I do not think I'm connecting wrongly though,- I'm seeing that there are some of you that are either listeners/relate to Ariana, and the other camp is completely indifferent/are not in that fan base at all in which case I'm probably turning you off of this reading 😭😭- yea I'm totally seeing 2 separate camps in this pile rn, this divide of either very fem/fem baddies (that whole Thank U, Next album was very much in that whole aesthetic)- or very masc aesthetic/personality (not gender specific btw- this is fully afab/amab safe)... I randomly typed a fire emoji and heard the word "lit" immediately- so for my masc group you guys are described like that and or aim for that aesthetic- but my fems here are seen as that too 🔥 I'm hearing, like that description isn't gender-expression exclusive 💗🔥. again now there's more music coming through- for my mascs it's K-pop, K-indie, K-rock, K-Metel.. This is so weird to hear because i know nothing about that scene (someone here likes jazz tf- okkkk😭)... two very different and... stubborn- towards each other?- energies rn.

Ok, I'm going to actually get into what's going on as best I can for the collective- I'll be honest, this energy is all over the place, and I'm having a hard time reading or relating specifically to just one group of people rn like- 💀💀💀... I'm hearing the phrase "he said- she said-" so honestly I could be describing two people who are in/were in a relationship of some kind, a feminine and a masculine- (again, afab/amab safe!! and take what resonates) so you could be the feminine reading this and this is about a masculine who's heavy on your heart, or you could be the masculine in this and this is concerning your feminine whom you're really messed up over. and for both of these situations, it's really mutual that you two cut each other deep in the heart space 💀- like fr there is history that has occurred between you two and something happened that really made the mark that you guys left on each other's hearts- open up and start bleeding... and I'm literally just standing here watching the intensity of you two gazing at each other-... I'm seeing this scene of the feminine wanting to close her door but just continuing to stare at the masculine who could have stormed off but instead is still standing on the welcome mat, staring back into the eyes of the feminine- AND I'M STANDING IN THE HALLWAY OF THIS APARTMENT COMPLEX LIKE... I'm just trying to pass through to go feed my cats 💀...

I fr don't know what to say,- and that is so not like me at all. I'm just so heavily in this energy and there are literally two energies coming in and are weirdly connected to each other- AND they are both stubborn as hell. YOU TWO ARE BOTH stubborn as hell 😭. in fact, you two are so similar that when you have a problem with each other- no one can get a foot in the door to help. because you two are literally so on the same level mentally, that you can literally continue your intense stare-down with your friends trying to get in the middle to put the situation on ice- but you both continue to set each other's souls ablaze... you two need a retreat away from each other BAHAH 💀. God, again I do not know what to say because not only are you stubborn and intimidating asf, you are also very mature (referring to a singular person again whew), and you have the (emotional) receipts to back up how intense you can be- (I cannot figure out where to put this but it keeps weighing heavy that some of you are even parents/have young kids you have to be thinking about constantly)- you know bullshit like the back of your hand and I know you'll def be eying my words rn like a hawk... wasn't I suppose to give you affirmations 😭????? *nervous laughter fr* jokes aside- I'm going to stand my ground to you,- I can feel it and see it in the eyes I'm being shown- you've been through a lot. you have a past that is heavy and it's weighed on you since you were just a little girl/little boy/little child. you had to mature fast in the way you did out of your own survival. and that has done what it has done- but what about now? yes, you can do and act however you want to. you've earned your living! as you believed you needed to, had to, and would do- but for someone so confrontational about other's behavior- why can you not do the same for your own? you're usually right with the conclusions you come to about situations and other people with all the shit you've seen- so why not face yourself with that same focus? just as you question other people's behavior, already knowing the truth about them- you can do that very thing to yourself.

question yourself- why does this person trigger you the way that they do? when this person triggers you, what are you reminded of? are you reminded of another person or situation? are you reminded of your family growing up? are you reminded of your father? or mother? or relatives?- does this person who triggers you- remind you of yourself?... do the heavy walls you built when they were required to survive, serve you now? because I think it's what's inside the walls that needs stabilizing.

WOOO I just gave tougher love then I have ever done before- but I freaking had to get through to you love!! I really hope I did, whatever vulnerable emotion you are feeling right now if you've read this far of what I've channeled for you- please know that you have people you can go to with these emotions. this isn't like when you were growing up, you are safe. you are safe to be fully you, every piece of you that you had to lock away or armor up is safe now- thanks to the life you are building for yourself. I'm hearing a saying about how when you cut a tomato, you get a bunch of seeds- and you can plant those seeds, and with your work and patience, you get more tomatoes!! and that's what you've done- taken the small seeds and grew things up for yourself. so please enjoy all your hard work, PLEASE- show all those parts of you love. plant those seeds that you had to lock away and allow them to blossom and finally see the sunlight you created. again, I really am seeing that you do have safe options to turn to for support, definitely personal support- friends I'm mostly seeing- people outside of your old family/upbringing...

if you're in an intense relationship of some kind (said person could even be someone you've known since childhood/earlier years) like what I was channeling earlier, then I'm seeing that could be a perfect opportunity to turn to people for support- and oh my gosh honey you're going to be so loved. you already are, people love you and want you to open up more to them- I'm just seeing you opening up more as being both healing and strengthening for you, but also for your relationships 💗. this is so sweet, you have some sweet people around you that you fully deserve (for those with kids I see you taking so much more healthy joy in being a parent and you connecting with your little ones so beautifully- I'm seeing dancing in the kitchen especially 😭💗). but just to be inclusive to everyone here, you of course don't have to open up to others- I see seeking some professional guidance of some kind would also be incredibly beneficial (also spiritual guidance if you have an interest in that), and also you of course always have yourself. so go inward and see how you can show up for yourself better!!!

alright whew I know that reading might not have been for everyone but it was strong so I know that this reading is for someone💗🔥 so it was a pleasure. anddd my apologizes for the full read yikezies 💀-

💗🔥💀

✉ I am safe

✉ I create a safe space for myself

✉ I have created a safe space for myself

✉ I am in a safe place

✉ I am safe to express and feel my emotions

✉ My emotions are mine and I am free and safe to express them

✉ My environment is safe and fully mine

✉ I choose to feel safe

✉ I allow myself to be vulnerable

✉ I allow myself to feel what as hurt me

✉ I allow myself to be bitter

✉ I allow myself to cry

✉ I allow myself to be angry

✉ I allow myself to grieve

✉ I allow parts of me that do not serve my highest good to pass

✉ I allow what does not serve me any longer to leave my body and exit out of my life

✉ I allow the most vulnerable parts of me to be healed

✉ I allow the most vulnerable parts of me to exist

✉ I respect my vulnerability to be as it is

✉ I love my vulnerability

✉ I allow myself to be patient towards my life

✉ I am patient with myself

✉ I allow myself to release control in my life and surrender to my healing journey

✉ I have released control and am now in a state of healing

✉ I allow myself to prioritize my needs fully

✉ I am my first priority

✉ I allow myself to feel taken care of

✉ I am taken care of

✉ I allow myself self love and self growth

✉ I am focused on giving myself the love I deserve

✉ I allow myself to be emotionally open

✉ I am emotionally open towards myself

✉ I show up for myself

✉ I allow myself to connect to my heart and give love to those I trust

✉ I am open to people I trust

✉ I am shown who I can trust and I allow my heart to open

✉ I am protected and surrounded by people who I trust

✉ I am protected and surrounded by love and those who I can love safely

✉ I am protected and surrounded by abundance and success regardless of any externals

✉ I deserve to be trusted and I am worthy to share my trust

✉ I deserve to be loved and I am worthy to share my love

✉ I deserve abundance and I am worthy to share my abundance

✉ I deserve success and I am worthy to share my success

✉ Trust is my birthright

✉ Love is my birthright

✉ Abundance is my birthright

✉ Success is my birthright

✉ Stability and loyalty is my birthright

✉ Regardless of others actions- I am deserving of trust, love, abundance, success, stability, and loyalty

✉ I accept the truth that it is my birthright, and that I am inherently deserving of trust, love, abundance, success, stability, and loyalty

✉ I allow myself to live my life knowing those truths

✉ I allow myself to breathe through my whole body and begin to shed all that no longer serves me

✉ I trust myself and I trust my journey

✉ I allow myself to be healed

✉ I am capable of being healed

✉ I am healing

✉ I am healed

✉ I allow myself to view my life as my own

✉ My life is my own, and I live by my love, joy, and peace

✉ I allow myself to see life as enjoyable

✉ I am capable of viewing life as enjoyable and all that can bring me joy

✉ I enjoy viewing my life as fun and full of joy and peace

✉ I allow myself to have fun with myself and those I love

✉ I am capable of having fun with myself and those I love

✉ I love having fun in my life and sharing that with those I love

✉ I fall in love with myself, and find someone to share it with

✉ ✉ ✉

✉

✉

✉

✉ oh praise be we're done~ byeeeee till next time

✉ ✉ ✉ love, vi~♡

[andorerso]

INTRODUCING REBELCAPTAIN SMUT WEEKEND MONTH

I'd made a promise to make something smutty, and I'm here to keep that promise. In the legacy of the much beloved Rebelcaptain Smut Weekend, I'm organizing a Rebelcaptain Smut Weekend Month! Since I felt like a single weekend was just not enough time for all the smutty goodness, I thought why not do four weekends instead? This gives us more to look forward to and more time to create.

SCHEDULE: the event will run during May, every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (so that means May 3-5, 10-12, 17-19, and 24-26)

RULES

✩ the obvious ones: your creation has to be about Jyn and Cassian, and since it's a smut themed month, it should be at least a little spicy!

✩ I'll be using the tag rcsmutmonth for organization. feel free to tag your creations with it too so we can all find each other's works!

✩ no sign-ups required, anyone can participate. if you see a prompt you like, and you want to make something for it, go ahead!

✩ any type of fanwork is welcome! fanfic, fanart, gifset, graphics, rec lists... you name it.

✩ I provided nine prompts for each weekend as inspiration, but don't feel constricted if you don't like them. the point of this event is to encourage more smutty content for our beloved ship, so if you have other ideas in mind, go for it! as for the prompts, use as many as you like and mix them up if you want to.

✩ generally, I encourage you guys to post on the weekend, but don't feel bad if you can't get it done on time. this is a low-commitment, low-pressure event. we're all busy irl so if you're lagging a little behind, post it anyway! we'll be happy to see it whenever it's ready <3

✩ tag appropriately! if triggers or kinks appear in your work, don't forget to list them.

✩ any other questions, thoughts, ideas? let me know! this is my first time organizing such an event, so I'm sure I'm forgetting something

PROMPTS UNDER THE CUT

✩ May 3-5

last night on earth sex ┃ distraction ┃ "Touch me already."

sex pollen ┃ aphrodisiac ┃ "Tell me how much you want me."

"we're alive" sex ┃ birthday ┃ "I want you to take whatever you need from me."

✩ May 10-12

wet dream ┃ forbidden┃ "Want me to stop?" "Don't you dare."

hate/angry sex ┃ favor ┃ "We can wait if you want-" "We've waited long enough."

praise kink ┃ possessive ┃ "Tell me I'm the one. Tell me there's no one else."

✩ May 17-19

orgasm denial ┃ strip ┃ "Do I need to tie you up?"

snowed in ┃ undercover ┃ "Convince me this is real."

under the stars ┃ uniform ┃ "Say my name. I want to hear you say it."

✩ May 24-26

make-up sex ┃ elevator ┃ "I can’t get off unless I’m thinking about you."

accidental voyeurism ┃ sparring ┃ "Think we'll get caught?"

reunion sex ┃ honeymoon ┃ "On your knees, Captain/Sergeant."

[eds6ngel]

✮⋆｡°✩⋆˙ a christmas miracle

a 'when i kissed the teacher' spinoff.

summary: you and steve were in a weird situation. you weren't actively trying to get pregnant, but you weren't exactly being safe either. so, how will steve react when he opens his final christmas present?

warnings: dad!steve. mom!reader. fem!reader. afab!reader. 90s!au. mentions and allusions to sex. mentions of pregnancy. pet names. kissing. tons of crying. alena being too young to understand pregnancy (kinda cute tho). alena being a cutie pie as always. some worries over steve's reaction. but mostly fluff and comfort!! [1.9k].

author's note: hi everyone!! i am back!! my first semester of uni is finally over, so i can get back to fic writing a little more! i couldn't neglect my happy family like this, so i've tackled a pregnancy fic! i've never been pregnant, but i do wish to be in my life, so all of my research has been for my own benefit and utilised in this fic. if i'm inaccurate in any parts, please let me know for the benefit of the readers and myself!! ♡

It was hard not announcing the news to Steve. Having to attend your first scan without him was heartbreaking, but the look upon the nurse’s face after you told her you were going to wrap up the ultrasound photo, along with a card saying “Merry Christmas Daddy” and a pair of small, cream, woolen socks, just confirmed your decision was the right one.

You and Steve were in a sort of weird situation. You had stopped using protection, but weren’t in a position were you were actively trying to get pregnant. You agreed that any time from now was an okay time for the two of you to have a child, but also weren’t bothered if the pregnancy tests came back negative.

But, a little Christmas miracle decided to form inside of you, the test showing two lines on December 11th, 1999.

Steve and Alena had gone grocery shopping for an hour, the perfect opportunity for you to wrap Steve’s gift.

Rolling out the wrapping paper, you placed a grey, fluffy blanket in the centre, before laying on top the Christmas card which read:

Hi Daddy.

I’m six weeks old today!

I can’t wait to meet you soon! I’m planning to enter the world on August 20th, 2000.

My mom is keeping me very safe right now as I grow, but I’ll still be listening out for you from inside my home.

See you in nine months.

Love, your future child <3

And as you were about to place the ultrasound photo next to the cream baby socks you previous put underneath the card, your eyes started welling with tears once more.

Was it the hormones? Maybe. But, something in you felt this was all natural. You were growing a human life inside of you, one that has half of your DNA and the other half the love of your life’s. That was something to bask in the intense emotion of.

With everything laid out neatly, you reached over for the sellotape, folding over the edges and carefully sticking them in place.

Wrapping the gift in a pretty cream bow, matching the socks inside, and adding a label reading “To my darling Stevie,” you added it to the pile of increasing gifts in the corner of yours and Steve’s bedroom.

Now, just a week to go until he gets his surprise.

You cradle your stomach, despite the size not increasing at all yet, and whisper to your unborn child “A week and he’ll know, my love. Your beautiful existence will be known.”

“Mom! Dad! Wake up! Wake up!”

You are awoken by the sound of your bouncing ten-year-old, aggressively rocking your fiancé as he groans loudly, his eyes adjusting to the light peaking through the window.

“Mornin’ pumpkin,” he murmurs, you opening up one eye as Alena’s full set of brand-new adult teeth smile right at you.

“And what are you doing up so early, missy?” you ask, the clock on the bedside table next to Steve shining a bright 6:00 in the morning, illuminating the room in a red glow.

“Mom” she drags out, rolling her eyes playfully, “You know what day it is!”

You tap your chin lightly, playing along with the joke, “Hmm… I feel as if I may need a reminder.”

“It’s Christmas Mom! And I may or may not have seen all the presents you left underneath the tree…” her vocal pitch increases, looking away in a guilty look as Steve reaches up and pulls her down into his body, the girl screaming as he ruffles her hair.

“Did someone be naughty and peak underneath the tree?” he grits through his teeth, Alena shouting in a reply, “I didn’t mean to, I promise! I saw it on the way to your room!”

You begin to tickle her sides as Steve holds her in place against his chest, making the girl scream in delight loudly, “Is someone now on Santa’s naughty list?”

“Mom…” she pouts her lips, a grumpy expression adorning her face as you sigh sadly, “I know sweet cheeks, you don’t believe in him anymore.”

“I’m sorry…”

You hold out your arms as you wrap her in a warm hug, “Don’t be sorry, baby. I knew you would realise eventually. You’re getting too old!”

She gasps and looks into your eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, “I am not old! You and Dad are old.”

You start giggling in shock as Steve just opens his mouth wide, “You better watch yourself, pumpkin.”

“Yeah,” you hold up a finger in warning, before pointing it over to Steve, “Dad doesn’t like being reminded he’s in his mid-thirties.”

And now it is Steve’s turn to attack you, but instead with aggressive kisses, littering them up your neck and across your face lightly, Alena now old enough to understand the playful love between the two of you. “You’re almost thirty as well, you know.”

“Two more years to go, babe. I’m still in my prime development decade,” you smirk at him.

And it wasn’t just you who was developing.

A loud gasp can be heard along with the shredding of paper as Alena holds up her latest gift, “You actually got me it?”

For such a small gadget, the Barbie Digital Camera cost you $70, the most expensive gift yet, but maybe not the one which will cause the biggest reaction.

“Of course I did! It’s the one thing you kept pointing at in the magazine!”

She giggles with a bright smile, “Thank you! Thank you!”

She launches herself at you, the motherly instinct in you clutching onto your stomach to protect your unborn child, hoping Steve didn’t notice the movement. The surprise would be known in the next half an hour.

“And after you’ve taken your photos, we can connect it to Dad’s computer and see it come to life! How cool is that?”

“Can I take it to school?” she asks, clutching the box in her hands.

“I assume you can! But, just ask Mrs. Critchley before you take it in, okay?”

“Okay!” she smiles, plopping herself back down on the carpet to open the rest of her gifts.

Your hands began to sweat. Alena was all done opening her presents, patiently waiting for you and Steve to unwrap yours.

Steve let you attend to your gifts first. Everything from a brand-new necklace designed with a rose quartz, matching your engagement ring, to the latest Nokia phone, you were thankful for everything he had bought you, praising him with many gentle kisses and warm hugs.

Now, it was Steve’s turn. You specifically told him to leave one present until last, leading him to give you an eyebrow raise and a shrug before simply agreeing, used to your weirdness by now. You got him everything from a new cologne to a new pair of Nike shoes, the soles of his old pair wearing thin from how much he was working over the Christmas holidays.

But, after one final kiss, it was finally time.

“Can I open this now?” Steve jokes, the nerves deeply settling in your stomach. You don’t even know why you were worried, you had stopped using protection in mutual agreement, knowing kids could be a possibility from that result. There was just a voice in your head trying to convince you an awful reaction would occur.

“Uh, yeah… Yeah, you can.”

“Hey,” he puts an arm on your shoulder, “Why are you so nervous?”

You lightly chuckle, “You’ll find out once you open the gift.”

Even after all of these years, Steve still wasn’t the smartest. Verbal cues were not his strong suit, but my God could he read body language like a champ.

He gives you a confused look before unwrapping the cream-coloured bow, delicately tearing apart the paper as his eyes immediately notice the ultrasound scan.

He may be oblivious, but he isn’t that oblivious. He has one very similar in his bedside table drawer of his sweet ten-year-old daughter sat next to him.

The tears form at his eyes before he can even recognise them. Small sniffles enter the atmosphere as his hazel eyes make contact with you, “Are you serious?”

And the tears follow suit for you, nodding frantically as he leans across the floor to collect you in his arms, crying into your shoulder.

“How far along?” he mumbles into your shoulder, tears dripping onto the red fabric of your dress.

“Read the card and you’ll find out.”

Steve was too drawn into the ultrasound scan to even notice the card you had gotten him. Releasing from the hug, he keeps a gentle hand on the small of your back, picking up the card and carefully opening it, reading the words you had written, the tears increasing as he noticed it was from the perspective of his baby.

“Wha— How? When did you get this done?” he stutters out, still in complete shock of the entire moment.

“Pregnancy test has been in the bathroom trash can for two weeks. I was scared you were going to notice it for a while, but then I remembered it’s you, and you don’t notice anything,” you giggle, Steve not even bothered by the joking insult, too caught up in his own emotions, “And two Thursday’s ago, I didn’t go to work. Went to the hospital and got the scan, and just hung around Starcourt until the time I would normally come home.”

“Well, you fooled me,” he chuckles, leaning in for a kiss which you gladly accept, cupping his cheeks as you smile into it.

“I love you so much, beautiful girl. And I love the baby who is growing inside of you. You’re so strong. Your body is so strong. I just— I can’t wait. I can’t wait to meet them.”

His hand had migrated down to your stomach, gently cradling the unborn child inside of you.

Alena had finally looked up from her Etch-a-Sketch, noticing the tears falling down both yours and Steve’s cheeks, your hands holding tightly onto each side of his head as your foreheads were leant against each other, kneeling on the soft carpet of the living room.

“Mom? Dad? Why are you crying?”

Steve turns around to face his daughter, you looking softly into her eyes, “Because Mom is having a baby, sweetie.”

Steve passes her the ultrasound scan, her face scrunching up in confusion as she points at it, “Why is it just a black blob?”

Steve begins laughing as his head falls onto your shoulder, sweetly rubbing up and down the sides of your waist.

“Because when a baby is first made, it starts out as a black blob and then grows into the full size baby we all know and love,” you explain gently to her.

“Hmm…” she takes in, before asking her next question, “But how did it get there?”

Your eyes widen as Steve’s hands stop on your waist, refusing to lift his head and look at his daughter.

You smile through the awkwardness, remembering that her sex education lessons would start in a matter of months, “You’ll find out soon, baby.”

thank you ever so much for reading!! do you guys want any more pregnancy related fics? i really want to do some research into post-partum for myself, so do you want me to skip straight to that, or tackle other things like morning sickness, gender reveal, baby shower, stuff like that? feel free to let me know!! ♡

taglist: @livsters @bakugouswh0r3 @nix-rose @ihatepeanutss @suitelif3 @clincallyonline17 @crowssixof @starkeylover @eris-rose-86 @frostandflamesfanfic @tlclick73 @steveshairspray @superlegend216

[starryknight-tarot]

18+ 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓯𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾

pile 1 -- > pile 2

pile 3 -- > pile 4 my masterlist<3 . paid readings

Hi beautiful souls!✨ I am back with my first +18 reading which means if you are younger than 18 please do not interact with this reading as it is not for you. I will be looking into your person's fantasies about you. This could be a crush, partner, future spouse, fwb, whatever you have in mind. Remember to meditate, take a deep breath and pick whatever pile calls to you the most. Make sure to take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Lastly, I would like to thank you for all your love and support on my readings. It means a lot ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

Pile 1

Cards: Four of Cups, Page of Wands rx, Two of Wands, The Emperor, The Tower, Nine of Cups, Ace of Cups rx, The Fool rx Back of the deck: Two of Cups

Pile 1, your person has to restrain themselves from you. I am getting that your person has been crushing on your for a very long time but they feel too nervous to approach you with a love offering. I keep hearing this could be your best friend or a close friend but this may not be for everyone. But your person has A LOT of unattended feelings towards you that is getting harder and harder (wink wonk) to hold back. This person has a lot of passion towards you and really wants to rip your clothes off I keep hearing. If you let them, they would show you a good time. For some reason your person feels scared to really tell you how they feel cause they are afraid you are gonna reject them. But I feel like they may distance themselves because they can't control themselves around you. They may get an erection or wet when they are around you. They want to make sure your pleasure comes first. This person likes to give head. This person wants to be the best fuck you've ever had. I keep hearing they wanna kiss you all over your body, so this person definitely is into body worshiping. I heard they wanna show you how beautiful you are (aw). This might come through with gentle words in your ear as they wreak you. If you are into roles, your person seems like either soft dom or a service sub, making sure you're ok and they would have AMAZING aftercare. I am getting pretty vanilla vibes but it would be very passionate sex with a lot of emotion and love. I am hearing they would pour all their love for you in bed. Your person would love to see you in lingerie, especially lighter colors. They may want to fuck with the lingerie on. I am getting that your person may get jealous if anyone else were to see you like that so they would wanna keep things in the bedroom or around the house if nobody else was home, I'm hearing specially the washing machine. But they would make the room super comfortable with candles, dim lights, and rose petals on fancy occasions. Ok listen this may sound spooky but they wanna watch you sleep, I don't think in a creepy way, I think in a very loving way like would just be so happy to have you. Your person really wants to take action on this connection but they are a little too anxious and in their head to take action. You will probably be the one to move this relationship forward.

Advice Cards:

Expect good things to come to you Issues of balance are at hand You are moving beyond your old form. Congratulations! Keep the faith. Stay intentioned. Your perseverance will pay off. Take good care of yourself, especially your heart. Put your tasks and goals in order

Channeled Songs:

Pile 2 Cards: Six of Swords, Death, Five of Wands rx, Three of Pentacles rx, Knight of Cups rx, Temperance, Ace of Swords, Page of Pentacles Back of the deck: The Magician

I feel like by just making eye contact with this person, you can bring them to their knees. Your person could be your ex but I am hearing more of a past fling or maybe just an old crush of yours that you might not have seen for a while. very specific lol. This person regrets not asking you out or waiting too long to make a move. They want to make up for lost time. In the bedroom (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖). They have a lot of confidence that they can make you feel really good. They wanna make you orgasm multiple times. If they have a dick, they have a big dick or like the perfect dick for you. If not I am hearing they may have large labia or a big strap on. This person wants to try every position with you but I am getting that they prefer cowgirl and doggy cause they wanna see your body. Your whole body is a huge turn on for them. Your person wants to whisper things like "Nobody else can make you feel this good" and "You're all mine". Very possessive energy but I'm not getting in a toxic way. They may be a little jealous of someone around you Pile 2. Your person wants to try all the toys with you. They imagine coming home with a bag of toys and trying all of them to see which ones make you feel the best. I also heard they are into punishments, they really like handcuffs specifically. But I think they also really like to give you praise when you do good, I am hearing "You are doing so well baby". I feel like you may think this person sleeps around and has a lot of experience but they either have a lot less than you have imagined or are a virgin. I feel like we are getting pretty dominant energy but I think this person is more of a switch and would love for you to take control of them. I heard mark them all over their body to show people they belong to you. They would love that so much. Your person has very kinky energy but they may also like sex passionate, slow and sensual. A lot of eye contact and hand holding. Your person may not like to have a one night stand or a friends with benefits relationship. I am getting that they would only make these moves if you were together. This pile seems to be the most fun and less serious when it comes to sex.

Advice Cards: You need to make the first move It is important to ask for help This challenge is intended to promote your growth Deep, deep down, something needs attention Seek to understand from a place of connection rather than separation Have a closer look at your family situation

Channeled Songs:

Pile 3 Cards: Two of Wands, Two of Swords rx, Justice rx, Seven of Swords rx, Knight of Pentacles rx, The Hermit, Ten of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles, The Emperor Back of the deck: Three of Wands

Your person has a lot of emotions for you Pile 3. I am getting this could be someone you had a falling out with or had a big fight with. Although I am getting that this fight will end almost as quickly as it started. But your person wants to keep up the energy. This fight has got your person all hot and bothered and now they wanna let it out. They are very into makeup sex, they may feel like makeup sex is slightly better than regular sex. I am hearing "I won't leave a single part of your body untouched" and "You won't be able to move when I am done with you". All piles have been pretty dominate but I think your person has been the most dominate out of all the piles. Your person wants to go all night Pile 3. They want the neighbours to know who you belong to. They like to have very rough sex, multiple rounds. They wanna grab you everywhere. Your person like foreplay a lot less than the act itself. Your person is really into receiving head, pulling your hair while they contain moans but fail. I am getting your person is very vocal in bed. Your person may like both of you getting off by yourself while they tell you want to do. This could be a long distance relationship. For some of you they may like to watch as you get fucked by someone else, telling both of you want to do. Your person may like to choke you (safely) while they ruin you. They want to claim you, they may have a breeding kink. They imagine coming inside of you and making you hold it inside while you go out. "If you can hold it all, you will reward you when we get home". If you are a woman, they want to see you pregnant. That really turns them on. I feel like they would be really rough and aggressive in bed but if you use a safe word or show any discomfort, they will turn dom mode off and immediately take care of you. Consent and safe sex are really important to them. I am hearing that sex with them is something to gossip about. That would really fuel their ego. I feel like people may not expect that from them. They make look skinny or weak but is actually super muscular. They could also be shorter in height. I feel like your person's dirty secret is that they want you to overpower them and degrade them. Advice Cards:

Keep your faith. Stay intentioned. Your perseverance will pay off You are intuitively gifted. Trust your guidance You have more power than you think Align body, mind, and spirit. Know that you are whole You are divinely protected. Remind yourself how safe you are Make your presence felt

Channeled Songs:

Pile 4 Cards: Queen of Pentacles rx, Seven of Cups, Four of Swords, Four of Wands rx, The Hierophant, Four of Cups, Three of Wands Back of the deck: King of Cups

I think you were your person's sexual awakening Pile 4. They also could have been raised in a very religious household that looked down on sex and discouraged them to learn about anything sexual. Before they met you, they may have thought they were asexual or that they won't be able to find anyone but as soon as they found you something awaken in them. They were flooded with millions of emotions. You are the first person that ever made them feel these kinds of feelings. Now they want to catch up on what they missed with you. They want to try everything with you and see what makes both of you feel the best. Your person may want you to guide them through sex and teach them how to please you. Sex to your person seems very sacred and special, only with someone they completely trust and feel a connection with. I feel like your person would be into tantric sex, connecting with you on a spiritual level. I am hearing for some of you this person is your soulmate or twin flame. Your person imagines you screaming their name as they please you. It turns them on so much when you praise them and tell them that they are doing good. I really feel like your person wants to be dominate and please you but always end up crumbling under your touch. I am getting that you could easily make your person cum in their pants with just a few touches. They imagine you teasing them for how flustered they get and punishing them. They want to go all night, no breaks, they can't get enough. They have missed out on this for so long they want to make up for it. Your person may be really shy normally but is a total freak in bed. They are begging and pleading for you to touch them but you refuse them to mess with them. But when you finally give in, it's so passionate and hot oof. Your person wants to pour their heart out for you. It's always the quiet ones I heard lol. I also just heard step on me. I am seeing they want you to wear all leather and spank them. My goodness lol. They also imagine pleasing you while you sleep and waking you up with sex (consensually ofc). Your person craves your attention and touch.

Advice Cards:

Something you've planted is coming to harvest. Results are forthcoming! Be aware of your inner messages It is time to unclutter your body, mind, and spirit The issue at hand is about reflection. What is the mirror showing you? Relax and feel good. You deserve more joy! It is time to take appropriate action

Channeled Songs:

Thanks for tuning in₊‧.°.⋆🫧•˚₊‧⋆.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Diabolical 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, violence, extreme profanity, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Billy Butcher

Summary: your neighbours has some strange friends.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

The reverberation of copper ripples through the air. You nearly slip under the water as you jolt. You grip the edges of the tub and sit up. Another crash thunders and you scowl. Your peace is shattered. 

Candles, music, a book, and a steaming bath. It's a perfect night. Or it was. 

You wait and listen. Silence. You let yourself back and reach for the novel on your bath table. Another egregious cacophony has you splashing yourself with water.   

You growl and slide the table out of the way as you stand. You grab your towel as water slakes off of you. You pay no mind to the mess that puddles below each step as the thrashing continues.  

You storm across the apartment, sliding dangerously on the hardwood, and you put your eye to the peephole. The man grins, as if he can see you and shakes the box in his hands. The metal echoes again. 

How dare he? It's almost nine in the evening! You tear open the door, your hand clasped around the knot of your towel, and you snarl. 

"Must you make so much noise?" 

He cackles at you as he hugs the box of cymbals and bells. "Eh, I'm just doin' good ole Hughie a favour. He's been talkin' 'bout getting into drumming so's I say Hughie, I know a guy. Can get you everything you need." 

"I don't...care." You bluster. "Should you even have those in a box? There are bags meant for that." 

"Who cares? You just bang on the things anyhow. Well, then," he turns to the door behind him. "Seems like my pal isn't in." He drops the box and the raucous clamour makes you groan. "I'll just leave 'em here for him. Buddy that I am." He spins back to face you. "And you can get back to listening to Bach and drinking your oolong." He makes a motion which could be tipping a cup or something more heinous. "Your majesty." 

You furrow your brow and roll your eyes. "All I asked for was a bit of decency. It wasn't any sort of insult but I see to you, any thought of being kind is offensive." 

"Talkin' to me about being decent and you're stood out here in a dish towel," he scoffs. 

"I--" you look down, remembering yourself. You move to hide behind the door. "Well, you disturbed me--" 

"You are disturbed, ain't ya, sweetheart?" 

You sneer. "Fine, whatever. I'll make sure Hugh gets his drums." 

"Hugh?" He chuckles. "You are something." 

"Good night, sir." You back up and close the door. Your certain to lock it too.  

His laughter keens through and friction brushes up the other side. "It's Butcher, not sir, love." He taps and you flinch, "have yourself a good night, won't ya? Don't think of me too much." 

You huff and have a mind to open the door again. Not, that’s only what he wants. You retreat and trod back to the bathroom. The water’s tepid and the scent of the candles grows overwhelming. You shut off the music and pull the stopper. So much for relaxing. 

The tension needles across your shoulder. You blow out the wicks and snatch your book from the table. You go to your room and flip on the bedside lamp. You put the novel on your pillow and pull on a night gown.  

You recline and crack open the book. A long honk blares from outside. That’s not unusual but what is, is the successive short toots that follow, almost in a rhythm. You try to ignore it. The honks vary, long, short, soft, loud. You realise the offender is doing a rather poor job of honking out Beethoven.  

You know exactly the culprit and you won’t let him know you’re bothered. Let him waste his own energy not yours. Besides, if he had any sort of nuance, he’d realise you don’t sit around and listen to classical. You appreciate vintage music but you’re not pretentious. You simply have your tastes. Nothing wrong with that. 

You lay back and your eyes gloss over the words without reading. You may not want to give him the satisfaction but it doesn't mean it’s not working. Several rereads of the same paragraph have you fed up. You sink down and drop the book. 

You stare at the ceiling and sigh. You can’t even put on a movie or music. You won’t be able to hear it. 

As if on cue, silence. You exhale. Thank god. 

An engine rumbles and you hear it steer down the alley outside. You hear the tires crawling just below your window. Another wall of sound rises and has you nearly jumping out of your skin. Heavy metal pumps through the wall and has you gritting your teeth. 

It’s him. That imbecile. 

[kaely1916]

WHO IS THE JEALOUS ONE NOW? 🫣

Contex: In a case, Charles and Crystal had to work together. Charles thinks that Edwin is going to be sick with jealousy, but the situation turns out very different from his expectations...

*It had been months since Edwin had confessed to him in Hell. Charles said that nothing had changed, but the reality is that something changed for the better, because holy shit, Edwin, the best and most marvelous person he knows, is in love with him!*

*Honestly? Saying that he feels flattered is an understatement. Charles literally feels like he is on cloud nine, so maybe he has been a little too proud of this fact these days.*

"I think the best plan is to interview the victim's family together while Edwin keeps investigating in the office... Charles, are you listening to me?"

"Hehe😊"

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking that Edwin is not going to be happy with that."

"Well, no shit, Sherlock, nothing new there.🥱"

"Heheh, I guess not, innit? 🤭"

"Okay... You are acting reeeallly weird right now. And you know what? I don’t even want to know the reason. Let's tell Edwin and finish the case as soon as possible."

*Charles and Crystal come to the office, where Edwin is already investigating with several papers around his desk.*

"Edwin, mate, Crystal and I were thinking of interviewing some possible witnesses while you keep doing your thing."

*Charles says with a little smile, almost predicting the glare and sharp comment from the other, but to his surprise, Edwin doesn’t even raise his eyes from the book in his hand.*

"Mhm. Okay."

"W-wait what?😦"

*Charles asks, connecting confused eyes with Crystal, who only shrugs her shoulders.*

"Mate? I said, Crystal and I are going to work."

"Mhm hm."

"Together."

"I heard you the first time, Charles."

"And everything is... fine?😕"

"You're okay with that?"

"Why wouldn’t I be? It’s a good idea. Just please be careful."

"Y-yeah... we will...☹️"

"...Okay, awkward😬... Let’s better get going."

"... See you later, mate, I suppose...😟"

"Yes, good luck, you two."

*Charles and Crystal leave the office (Crystal has to grab and drag Charles out).*

"Did you see his face???"

"Yes, Charles, yes I did."

"And his answer??? He didn’t even care!"

"Charles, for goodness' sake, I was there too.😮‍💨"

"And don’t you think that is... weird?"

"Yes? Maybe? I think that many of the things Edwin does are weird anyways. Besides, he didn’t react either when we were on the lighthouse case."

"Well no, but that’s just because he was going to meet with that wanker... WAIT😨. Do you think Edwin is seeing the Cat King again???"

"OMG, can you please stop acting like a toxic boyfriend and focus on the case?"

"I... I'm not acting like... that."

"You’re right, you’re more like a jealous husband on acid."

"Very funny, Crystal. You know what? Let’s finish this as soon as possible."

"Yes, you wouldn’t like to return and catch Edwin cheating on you."

"SO YOU THINK THAT HE IS SEEING HIM AGAIN???😫"

"Oh dear god.🙄"

The End? (I may or may not do a part 2 of this. 🤗)

[cowgurrrl]

What Sarah Said

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: Listen, I don’t normally write babies into a happy ending but I needed this (PS I love this picture of Nico and Pedro)

Summary: “And when I turned to face grief, I saw that it was just love in a heavy coat.” - Shannon Berry aka you and Joel talk about having more kids (kind of a part two to Sweet Jane) [1.7k]

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, talks of child loss (reader has lost a child), talks of pregnancy, grief, lmk if I missed anything!

You blame Maria. Of course, her well-meaning questions and Camille, ever the adorable toddler, got in your head. It started when Maria told you about her son and, in return, you told her about Jane. She started asking if you and Joel ever talked about having kids or even if you had a plan for if you did get pregnant within the QZ. You always had a plan in mind, even before you started with Joel, but you never talked about it as a couple. Then, she told you about how great her labor and delivery team was when she gave birth to Camille and how they have the equipment to care for anything wrong.

That's when she really started pushing it by talking about schools, work schedules, and even play dates. "I know Camille would love to have a little cousin around," she said. It felt foreign and wrong to be talking about having another kid. You think it would feel that way even if Jane were alive, but her absence doesn't make this any easier. She backed off when you asked her to, but she still got into your head. A million different thoughts have been floating around since you saw her earlier. Maybe that's why you ambush Joel with the question before he can even take his boots off. 

"Do you think you'd ever want to have another kid?" You ask as he sits next to you on the couch. Ellie went to bed an hour ago, and you figured now was as good a time as any. You could've approached it gentler, especially since he was on patrol all day. Joel immediately sits straight up and gives you a worried look. 

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No," you think for a moment, doing mental math to ensure. He waits, the anxiety rolling off of him. "No. No, I'm not. Maria just said something when I was over there that made me think." He sighs and buries his head in his hands. You laugh a little at his reaction and put a soothing hand on his back, the muscles relaxing under your touch. He takes a couple of deep breaths before taking his head out of his hands to look at you. 

"Yeah, Tommy said something, too."

"What did Tommy say?" You ask.

"He said something about Maria's doctors and then asked if we had talked about having kids," he says, and you scoff. "What did Maria say?"

"Pretty much the same thing. Even brought up how great the schools here are." 

"Sounds like we got set up," He says, and you hum in agreement. "What do you think?" 

"I don't know. I mean, this was never a possibility for us before. We never talked about it, even before we left Boston. What do you think?"

"I'm not the one who'd be carryin' a baby for nine months, so I don't think it should be my decision."

"Your feminist thought is always appreciated, but that doesn't help." You say, and he falls quiet. You know to wait him out, to let him sort through his thoughts in silence before he speaks. He glances at his broken watch, searching for pieces of her in the shattered glass, before looking at you again. 

"Sarah always talked about how much she wanted a little brother or sister, but… I don't know. I was always happy with just her."

"Jane used to say the same thing. But, my pregnancy with her was so brutal, and it may have been because I was so young when I had her, or something went wrong. I never thought I'd do it again," you say. "There's also Ellie to think about. It'd be a big adjustment for her. She already gets anxious if one of us has a cold, let alone growing a human. There's a lot that could go wrong." 

After that, you go back and forth, listing all the ways having a baby would alter your life. You wouldn't be able to go on patrol with him anymore. You'd need medicine and vitamins. All the attention would go to the new baby, and Ellie could start feeling left behind. She just got into a normal routine where she goes to a normal school and does what kids her age should do. You can't fuck that up for her. It'd be scary, emotional, and painful, and that's just the pregnancy. Having a toddler was terrifying enough before the world went to shit. How do you keep a kid that small safe in a world so big? It's obviously possible. Camille and the other kids around the commune are evidence enough.

Even as you go through everything that could go wrong, the idea of Joel being a dad again makes something deep within you soften. He's always been so gentle and natural with Camille, even though it's been decades since he's dealt with a kid that small. He sits at the kitchen table every night to help Ellie with her homework, walking her through math problems like it's second nature, even though you can tell he doesn't understand either. He packs her lunch, walks her to school, and doesn't even blink when she walks down wearing one of his shirts. Domesticity looks good on Joel Miller. He's all relaxed shoulders and big smiles. The nightmares still linger in the shadows of both of your minds, but they're manageable.

That's what so much of your lives have been—manageable. "It sucks, but we'll manage" was your motto for much of your life before Ellie and Joel. You said it to Jane more often than not as a reminder that things could be better, but you were also trying really hard to make life easy for her. You said it to Joel when you started doing drops together. Then, you said it to Ellie when trying to get across the country with her. But now, possibly for the first time ever, it feels like you're doing much more than managing. The thought wiggles through your brain until it sits front and center, a bright, shining "Maybe."

"What?" He asks, breaking you out of your reverie. You shake your head, but he nudges you with his leg.

"It's stupid."

"Humor me."

"I just imagined a little you running around. That's all." You say, and he smiles. It's giddy and touches the corners of his eyes. You have to look away before you get sucked in.

"I thought we were just talking about all the reasons not to have a baby."

"We were. It was just… quick. Something fun to think about." 

"Tell me about it," He urges, moving closer to you. You sigh as you reach out and push the hair out of his eyes. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl. We both had girls, so I think it'd be a long shot if we had a boy."

"What were you imaginin’?" 

"I imagined a little girl with big curls and your nose running around with Ellie. Playing in the snow and learning how to ride horses and driving us fucking crazy. She'd be a troublemaker, and Ellie would love her for it," you say, his smile only getting brighter as you talk. "I'd go out on patrol, and you'd stay home with our girls because even though you're big and scary, you secretly love playing stupid games with them. You'd sing songs to the baby because she couldn't sleep without them, and you'd spoil her half to death. Ellie'd read the baby books about space, and when I come home, we’d cook dinner together and eat as a family, and we’d live an ordinary, unremarkable life in Jackson." 

"Ordinary is good. I could live with ordinary."

"It's a nice thought."

"Yeah," Joel says, nodding. You feel like crying, but you're not sure why. How could you cry over something that's not even real? 

"Is it bad that I want all that again?" You ask quietly, like you're afraid if you say it too loud, the universe will take everything away from you. Joel's jaw works as he thinks before he grabs your hand. 

"No, it's not because I want it, too." He says. You take a deep breath and nod, looking down at your joined hands.

"What do you think our girls would have to say about all this?"

"I think they'd be jumping up and down and screaming about how excited they'd be," he says. "I think they're doing that wherever they are."

"Me too," you say. Something heavy and dark and familiar weighs down that golden ball of hope still sitting in your chest. It aches as nothing else does, pulling the breath from you swiftly and mercilessly. Like a bomb leveling an entire block and everyone there. Like a stray gunshot hitting the wrong person. Like celebrating a birthday every year but never watching your child grow. "I wish they were here." You admit. Joel brings your hand to his lips and kisses it. His watery eyes match yours.

"Me too." He says. There's an unspoken addition to his sentence. Something about how they are still here because they were a part of each of you, perhaps your best parts, and they live on in you. You keep living because of that and because they loved you and wanted you to live even if they couldn't be around to see it. That might be the only solace when you lose a child.

"Are we crazy?" 

"Maybe."

"Are we gonna try to have a baby?" You ask, and a smile overtakes his features. 

"I thought that's what our whole conversation was just about." He says, and you roll your eyes before climbing onto his lap. It's a position you've been in far too many times, and you justify it by getting to be close to him, but really he's just pretty to look at sometimes. His hands rest on your waist as you settle, both of you still smiling like idiots.

"I want to hear you say it." 

"Mrs. Miller," he starts. "I want to have a baby with you because I love you, and I want a million little yous running around our house." He punctuates his sentence by leaning into you and kissing your neck. 

"A million?" You ask, tangling your hands in his hair. He hums against your skin.

"A million."

"Can we compromise for one?"

"I can be persuaded."

🍓

🍓

🍓

taglist: @evyiione @nyotamalfoy @abbyhaslongshorts​

[junipers-archive]

Wedding Day Worries

Word Count: 1.1k

Includes: Fluff, Wedding worthy fluff, (i'm so funny), your special day, the day you marry Spencer and have to console him on his nerves in a closet haha

Oh my god. It was your wedding day. It was the day you were getting married. This was the day you promised- no devoted yourself to the love of your life! This was the day you married Doctor Spencer Reid.

But what it also was, was eight in the morning.

Your alarm went off too-loud, you were burnt out, now realizing having Penelope plan your bachelorette party may not have been the wisest choice you've ever made. Or...one that you could remember at all for that matter.

You got up and bewildered and nervous from your bed. Today was the day. No more waiting, no more calling him your boyfriend, after today he'd be your husband.

You collected the trash that had been thrown around the room, picking up abandoned headpieces and the sash you assumed you'd worn that read 'Wife to be' on it.

Finally, once you'd taken a shower and gotten into easily changeable clothing you headed for the salon where Emily and Penelope had promised to meet you.

Once you got there you were wonderfully greeted with pancakes from your favorite restaurant in a little go-bag and coffee.

"Y/n!" Penelope said as soon as she set her eyes on you, followed of of course by Emily.

"How are you? Ready to be Mrs.Reid?"

You hugged them both following into your chosen salon, "I'm great!" and really you were, "And yes, to answer your question I am more than ready to be called Spencer's wife."

You got your hair a makeup done, after you ate your pancakes of course, and then headed for the church with the both of them.

When you finally got there it was half past nine and you had approximately thirty minutes to get ready before the guests started arriving.

Which quickly shortens as your fiancé pulls you into the closet nearby.

Emily and Penelope having already gone ahead don't notice you're gone for quite some time, enough time so that you can hear what he has to say.

But only after he's pulled you into a kiss so deep you think you die doing so.

"Spence what're you doing?" You pull back, happy but suspicious.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" The questions rhetorical of course as his hands squeeze around your waist and your noses nuzzel against one another's.

You smile softly at how lucky you are, "Reid. I need to go get ready." You try to slide out from his grasp but it only tightens.

"Five minutes." You now realize he hasn't opened his eyes.

"For what exactly?"

Now he turns around, relieving you from his warm and comfortorable hands, which you miss instantly.

"I-uh I'm nervous..." he speaks.

You lay your hands on his shoulders to comfort him and turn him to look at you, your initial thought was he was embarrassed.

But he informs you otherwise, "Don't. I can't look at you!"

"What?"

"It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding baby."

And so help you god, he sounds so sweet and confident when he says it you don't force him further, only sliding in a small remark.

"Yea you got any statistics to back up that theory Doctor?"

And though you can't see his face fully, you recognize the tilt of his head as he smiles. "Only my own superstition."

"So what's got you so nervous?"

"You know that day you came to the office and asked me if we were dating?"

You chuckle, "Yea- Yea I remember it distinctly."

"Well the only reason you knew how I felt about you was because Penelope told you..."

This confused you, "The same thing could be said about me.."

He nodded at that, "A-and then when I asked you to marry me it was only after I basically told you I was going to before hand.."

You giggled, "That was not your fault, I mean the ring fell out of your pocket Spence-"

"You're not listening, I just- do you really wanna marry me? I-I never seem to do things right and then when it comes for this big moments, hell its our wedding day and I'm freaking out so if you're having second thoughts or-"

You interrupt him now, turning him to face you, him eyes immediately close shut, and you opt for hugging him so he doesn't have to look at you.

"Spencer. Reid. You are the single most loving, adorable and smart person I could've ever hoped to marry. I am not having second thoughts. I knew the moment that ring fell out of your pocket that I was going to say yes."

He tries to interrupt but you hug him tighter to stop him.

"And yes you've made some mistakes, but those mistakes are what make you, you. Those little 'mistakes' are what makes loving you all the more interesting and easy."

"But I-"

"Spencer. I was in love with you two days after meeting you. Can you imagine that? It took two days for me to fall in love with you and never once have I regretted it. You were my roommate! I was looking for a roommate and I found the love of my life! How lucky am I?"

"I love you too Y/n." You can hear in voice that he's accepted that this it and there is no way to convince you otherwise that he's not your soulmate.

You kiss him once more before you leave the closet, but he asks you question that has you shaking your head at him.

"Those weren't your vows right? I didn't ruin that moment?"

"No. You didn't ruin anything. But please don't become the runaway groom Spence."

He laughs, "I wouldn't dream of it."

They weren't your vows of course, you have a far more light-hearted and sweet message that ultimately still stings the eyes of many when you get up on that altar.

His heart stops when he see's you as your heart melts at his reaction.

And everything is perfect, the melody of the music is just right, the air somehow sweeter, the weather perfect and when he tips down to meet your lips, as you are finally pronounced husband and wife you realize that all of it was perfect because he was perfect.

And as you grin at one another, happy to begin a new life together you also realize you would've married Spencer Reid anywhere, in the pouring rain, in dirty cold basement, in the desert.

You would have him as your husband anywhere.

Because he's yours just as much your his, till death do you part.

Requested by: @wordsarelife

[duskandcobalt]

Everywhere, Everything: Chapter Six

Chapter Summary: Elain is cornered into making a decision on the future of their relationship when Graysen asks her a question.

Word Count: 4.4k

Missed the first five chapters? You can find the Masterlist for this fic here 🥰

A/N: Happy W(no longer)IP Wednesday!!

As always, thank you for all your lovely comments and messages about this fic and others... and also just in general. I'm always so blown away by how lovely this community can be and I appreciate all the support and your patience so much. It's been a busy couple months and I am so excited to finally be posting this chapter. It contains the very first paragraph that I ever wrote for this fic all the way back in October last year so it feels very surreal that it's finally going up!

I do want to give a tiny warning for a potential trigger in regards to Graysen's behaviour. It's just a tiny part but it may prove difficult for some readers so please be aware of that before you read. I hope you like this chapter, please let me know what you think and what you think may happen next!

ENJOY XX

Read on AO3

Elain’s ears were filled with the sounds of chatter, the clinking of champagne coupes, and the romantic crescendo of whatever modern song the violinist in the corner of the room had recomposed to better suit the energy of the function tonight. She fidgeted with the neckline of her dress in an attempt to cool herself down. The room was packed with people and despite the otherwise cool night, she could feel the first bead of sweat running down her back. 

They were at Graysen’s parents house for yet another Saturday night dinner party. This one was another lavish soirée with no real purpose that his mother had thrown together for the weekend. Much like every one of these events, Elain only found out that she’d need to dress up to the nines when Graysen informed her in the shower that morning, with his arms around her waist and his lips against her ear, that she’d need to look extra pretty tonight.

 Elain always felt out of place at these things. She felt underdressed and unprepared. She was constantly worried about how everything she said and did would be perceived by Graysen’s parents and their friends. 

She’d become an expert at flying under the radar at these events - had figured out quickly that blending into the wallpaper was more tolerable than attempting to blend in with the crowd. She’d given up on the latter after the first couple of these Saturday night parties where she worked out that no amount of socialising and smiling  would get the other attendees to look at her with any semblance of respect once they found out that she sold handmade soaps and herbal tonics for a living.

She couldn’t exactly rely on Graysen to be any sort of support at these things either, not when he was too busy schmoozing with some businessman or lawyer or doctor. He’d corner her every now and then, drape her on his arm in an attempt to show her off but Elain knew how to slip away. She knew to whisper in his ear that she needed the ladies room and she certainly knew how to take her time making her way back to him. What she didn’t know was how her partner couldn’t seem to tell, or perhaps didn’t seem to care, that his family didn’t respect her.

Elain had been wandering around all evening, entertaining herself by picking at the canapés and the drinks that were balanced on trays carried by wait staff dressed in head to toe black. She’d  just plucked another thin stemmed glass of red wine from a passing server when she felt the energy in the room completely shift.

 She heard the way conversations suddenly stopped, felt the way the air turned stagnant. Most of all, she somehow knew, without even having to check, that every single eye in the room was focused on her. 

Elain glanced up from her drink and found the nerve to turn and see what all the fuss was about but that singular second was all it took for her to wish that she’d simply minded her business.

She froze in an instant, completely and utterly paralysed at the sight in front of her. Graysen was balanced on one knee, looking up at her with his bright blue eyes and a small black velvet box cradled in his hand. 

She felt like she was going to be sick. Couldn’t stop her hands from trembling, couldn’t do anything to slow the frantic racing of her heart. Part of her hoped that this was a nightmare. She prayed that she’d wake up in the safety of her bedroom and that none of this would be real. 

It felt like the whole room had tilted, the wine she’d been knocking back suddenly hit her full force as she continued to stare down at him. Based on the immediate silence that had fallen around them and the look of despair that she’d somehow managed to spot on his mother’s face from where she’d suddenly appeared just behind her son, he hadn’t told anyone that he’d intended to do this tonight. 

Elain couldn’t hear anything over the rush of blood between her ears and she barely registered the way his lips shaped the question as he carefully opened the box to display what could only be described as the most ostentatious ring she’d ever seen in her life. It was gigantic and shiny and so out of place compared to all the other jewellery she owned. She tried to listen to what he was saying but Graysen’s words were overtaken by another memory she’d tucked away carefully in the very back of her mind that had chosen this particular moment to resurface.

… 

“You should marry a boy like that.” Her father had told her once, peering at her briefly over the top of the glasses perched low on his nose as he’d fiddled with whatever woodcarving held his attention that particular night. 

Elain had been sitting in the armchair across the fire from him, quietly cursing under her breath as she tried and failed to crochet a teddy bear for Feyre’s newborn baby.

“A boy like what?” She’d asked, setting down her hook and actually looking up at her father. It was so rare for him to comment on any of his daughter’s relationships - romantic or otherwise. 

“Like that Azriel boy that’s always trailing you around,” he'd muttered, once again focused on his project. “Nice kid… respectful. He’d be good for you.”

Elain had been flustered, suddenly warmer than she’d been just a minute before as she attempted to figure out how to respond. She was so taken aback by the conversation that she hadn’t even stopped to point out that her father loved to refer to Azriel as if he barely knew him. As if he hadn’t spent fifteen minutes engaging in quiet conversation with Azriel each and every time he walked in the door for the past seven or eight years. As if her father wasn’t one of the very few people to whom Azriel would offer anything more than a passing ‘hello.’.

“Az and I aren’t… we’re just…” she’d sighed. “He’s just a friend, Dad.” 

“Didn’t say he wasn’t,” her father had shrugged. “Just saying I’d be happy if you married a boy like him.” 

“Well I’m not looking to get married any time soon and certainly not to - wait, why are we even talking about this?” Elain questioned, cutting off her own sentence as she nervously fiddled with a knot in her skein of yarn. She’d been desperate to move on from the topic lest she be cursed to ponder her feelings for Azriel any more than she already had when she was left alone with her thoughts too long. 

“Feyre is married with a new baby, Nesta’s moved out and is getting married soon so you don’t see her as much. It’s a Friday night and you’re at home with your father, El.” His voice had taken on a serious tone. “You don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re lonely? The only time I see you really smile anymore is when you’re with him.”

“That’s not true. I’m not lonely and I like spending time with you or by myself,” she’d said, unable to meet her dad’s eyes. How could she when she knew fully well that she was lying through her teeth?

“I’m just a little worried about you lately,” Mr. Archeron had continued. “I want you to be happy, I know Azriel makes you happy and I think, for whatever reason, that scares you. ”

Elain had blushed, biting her cheek. She had no idea how her usually clueless father had zeroed in on the two truths that she kept closest to her heart. She couldn’t work out how he’d managed to sense the feeling of relentless loneliness that followed her like a shadow as everyone around her found their people and their place in the world. She certainly hadn’t been able to figure out how he’d known that her feelings for Azriel often toed the line of just friends and how that feeling had amplified once she’d found herself spending more and more time alone with him.

“Azriel doesn’t… I don’t think he sees me like that.” 

There had been a million reasons running through her head. A million excuses for why she and Azriel wouldn’t work. Why they couldn’t be together. Why it would be an absolute disaster if they even tried. She’d never dared to voice them out loud, never even dared to admit that she felt like that towards him. 

Mr. Archeron had laughed - two quick short breaths that sounded a lot like disbelief. Elain had always loved her father’s laugh, but in that moment it had made her angry for a reason she hadn’t been able to nail down.

Elain had stared at him, mouth agape. “What?” 

“Elain, Azriel likes Nesta. He likes Feyre. But that boy loves you.” 

It was Elain’s turn to laugh as her father’s words landed. She’d clutched at her pendant and set aside her long forgotten project. 

“That’s ridiculous. That’s not true,” she’d said, standing up on embarrassingly shaky legs. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, dad.” 

It hadn’t even been  close to the time she usually went to bed but Elain couldn’t sit and listen to that anymore. The idea of Azriel returning her feelings was preposterous. The idea that her father thought he was in love with her? Absolutely nauseating. 

“Give it a chance, El.” Her father had said softly as she made her way towards the stairs. “If he likes you and you like him, give him a chance. He’s good for you.” 

…

Her father’s words had haunted her all of that night until she forced them all the way into the back corner of her mind where she kept all the other similar feelings and thoughts she preferred to ignore. Suppressing the memory of that night had worked well and it had popped up only one time in the years since. When she’d been laying in bed with Azriel on one of the nights in the week after her father had passed - her tear streaked face in the crook of his neck, his hand rubbing soothing circles on the small of her back. 

His words came flying back into her mind now  as she looked down at the man on one knee in front of her. 

“I…” She forced herself to speak after almost a full minute of silence, her fathers words still blaring in her ears.

 He’s good for you. 

The only time I see you smile anymore is when you’re with him.

That boy loves you. 

How could she say yes to anyone else when there was only one person she’d ever truly wanted?

She needed to say something. Anything. She focused her eyes on Graysen, her face softening in the hopes of lessening the blow she was about to deal him. “Please don’t do this.”

His face fell at her whispered words, his lips pressing together into a straight line as he slowly stood up and squared his shoulders. She didn’t miss the flash of anger that passed over his face as he pocketed the ring, there and gone in a second before his usual cool demeanour settled into place. 

Graysen gave her a smile that didn’t come close to reaching his eyes as he placed a hand on the small of her back and Elain did her best not to flinch away from his touch. He led her out of the room, muttering an excuse to the rest of the guests - some small joke at her expense that he trusted would make light of the situation.  She tried to ignore the incessant buzz of hushed whispers as they passed by his friends and family. His mother’s relieved face was the last thing she saw before she stepped outside and took her first proper breath in what felt like minutes, relishing in the soothing feeling of the chill night air on her overheated skin. 

He didn’t say anything to her. Not as they walked towards his car, not as he drove her back home. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything either, too shocked from what he’d just done to form a coherent thought. It wasn’t until they were back in her apartment that he finally broke the unbearable silence between them.

“What the hell was that?” He didn’t bother to mask his anger anymore. It resurfaced clear as day, written in every harsh line of his face. He stood a foot away from her, one hand braced on the bannister of her stairs to block her from getting around him. 

“We’ve never even talked about this.” She shook her head, shakily running a hand through her hair. “We’ve never once discussed getting married.” 

She knew that he hardly listened. She was fully aware that in the year they’d been together, he’d rarely taken the time to ask her questions. Had never bothered to truly get to know her. She’d ignored it at the beginning, had kept him around because he’d been the distraction that she needed at the time and she’d been happy to go along with it as weeks turned to months. She was happy to play the part of the partner he so clearly desired.

He’d been nice enough that she’d thought that one day it would click. That maybe with enough time, she could trick herself into thinking that she was capable of loving someone other than the kind-eyed boy whom she’d silently pined over for the last decade. The only person she’d ever felt comfortable enough around to not have to pretend to be anyone other than herself. It wasn’t until she’d turned to see Graysen on one knee that she knew that she couldn’t do it, couldn’t pretend to love a man that didn’t even really know her. 

“I wasn’t aware that this was something we had to discuss, Elain.” Graysen replied. “You’ve just fucking embarrassed me in front of my family and friends.” 

Elain scoffed, just half of a clipped laugh filled to the brim with disbelief. “That’s what bothers you about this situation? That’s what you’re annoyed about? You aren’t bothered that I said no but you’re bothered that I said no in front of all those people?”

“Of course I’m bothered that you said no but you could’ve waited to say no instead of making a scene.” 

“I didn’t make a scene, Graysen!” She seethed. “You made a scene by asking me that question in a public setting when we’d never discussed this before! You’ve never asked what kind of ring I wanted, we’ve never talked about what kind of a proposal I might like, we’ve never even discussed if either of us wanted to get married at all.” 

“I thought we were on the same page. I’d assumed you’d say yes!” He dragged a hand through his hair. 

“You assume a lot about me and that’s the entire problem,” she shook her head solemnly. “I know I’m not an open book, I know I keep a lot to myself but you’ve never even tried. You’ve never asked me about myself or my interests or you tune out when I do talk about the shop or my family or things that I like. All you care about is dressing me up however you like and parading me around. You like that I don’t argue back, that I go along with whatever you suggest and that’s okay because I’ve played a part in that as well but you don’t know me, Graysen.” 

“If you felt like that then why are you here? Why have you stayed?” Graysen asked. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “It’s been nice and I do care about you but it hasn’t even been a full year, Gray. I just didn’t think we were close to even considering getting married.”

“So it’s not because you’re waiting for him?” 

Elain stopped short, startled by his remark. Graysen had never once brought up anything that had happened back home since they’d gotten back from their trip for Nyx’s birthday at the start of the year, much to her surprise. And Elain had fought tooth and nail, used every little bit of willpower she had to stop her mind from constantly fixating on what Azriel had told her on Nesta’s porch that night. On what he’d gently advised her to do. 

I  can handle you being with someone else, I’ve done it for a decade… but please… please don’t stay with someone that doesn’t make you happy just to prove a point to yourself or to me or to anyone else.

She’d heard him that night and then proceeded to do exactly what he’d told her not to. She’d spent months - years in all actuality -  running from her problems and it had finally caught up to her. She’d hit a brick wall, hard and fast, and now she was completely stuck, caught in a web made of all her worst decisions. 

“Elain?” Graysen’s voice broke through her spiralling thoughts. “It’s because of him, isn’t it? 

“No,” Elain shook her head. She couldn’t work out why even now she was fighting the truth. 

“You’re in love with him aren’t you?” 

“No,” she shook her head, hating the way tears immediately started to fall from her eyes, as if her body was rejecting the lie. “He’s just my best friend.”

“Take off the necklace, then.” Graysen jutted his chin towards her chest, his eyebrow raised and his lips set in a hard line. “If he isn’t the reason that you can’t say yes to me, if you don’t love him… take off the necklace.”

Elain stepped away from him, swallowing her nerves. She felt dizzy all of a sudden. Everything felt wrong, the air felt thick and heavy and a horrible ball of something ominous settled in the pit of her stomach. “I can’t take it off, Gray. I won’t.” 

She really couldn’t. She’d only ever taken it off for an x-ray or a massage. She knew it was ridiculous, that it was just a physical object and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she gave in and removed it, but unclasping her necklace would feel like the end of something and she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

“Take it off, Elain.” Graysen demanded again, stepping towards her. “You won’t accept a ring from me but you’ll wear some piece of shit necklace that your best friend made for you years ago?”

“It’s a necklace with sentimental value, Graysen.  I’ve worn it every single day for years and I’m not going to change that now.” Elain sighed. “What does the necklace have to do with this, anyway?”

“Everything. It has everything to do with this,” he moved closer. “Hate seeing that thing around your fucking neck every goddamn day.”

“I’m not going to take it off.”

“So we’re done then?” His voice went whisper soft and she froze, completely backed up against a wall with nowhere to go. She knew that when he went quiet, trouble was soon to follow. 

“I didn’t say that,” Elain pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“You don’t want to get married, though.” 

“No, I don’t.” 

“Not now or not ever?”

She stayed silent even though the answer was loud and clear in her head.

“Fucking hell, Elain.” Graysen cursed under his breath and moved in even closer. Before she knew what was happening, he’d raised his hand and reached forward, firmly grasping her beloved pendant in his fingers. With one swift movement, Graysen tugged and the chain around Elain’s neck pinched her skin as it snapped. 

She was shocked. Elain stared at him with wide eyes and it wasn’t fear that coursed through her veins, but anger. She acted on instinct, shoving him backwards with two firm hands against his chest. 

“Don’t you ever fucking touch me like that again,” she seethed, annoyed at the way her voice and hands  shook a little. She may not have felt afraid in the moment, but it was clear that her body was having a different physical response. “Get out.”

“Elain-” Graysen tried to talk to her. Reason with her. 

She was used to this - the softening of his eyes, his voice. The slight drop of his shoulders. He’d let his emotions get the best of him and now he was doing recon. 

“Please, baby.” He tried again, taking one small half-step towards her. 

“Get. Out.” Elain stood her ground. “Get the fuck out my apartment.” 

It was clear that Graysen was surprised by this. He hadn’t expected her to argue back, not when she usually just gave in to his half hearted attempts at apologies. But she’d had enough and she’d finally stood her ground even if she’d let it go entirely too far. His defences went up in return, his shoulders squared, his jaw turned rigid, and his eyes narrowed.

“We’re done,” her voice cracked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“So that’s it then?” Graysen raised an eyebrow. “What’s your plan, Elain? You have nothing. You have no one here. All you had was me... My friends. My money. ”

“Please, can you just go?” Elain practically begged, her heart was racing and all she wanted was a cold glass of water and to lay down. 

“Do you really think he’s going to want you, Elain?” Graysen gave her a sardonic grin. “You’re nothing but a pretty face. You’ll go running back home and straight into his arms but what do you think is going to happen? He won’t want you.”

Tears pricked at Elain’s eyes and she pleaded with herself to not let them fall. She couldn’t let him win. Couldn’t let him know that everything he was saying were thoughts that she’d had about herself time and time again. 

“He may keep you around for a bit but the novelty will wear off,” he shrugged. “I know how men work, Elain. You’ve strung him along for years… he doesn’t like you. He just likes the chase. He’ll fuck you a few times and then he’ll realise that you have little else to offer. You’re nothing, Elain. He may think the world of you now but you are nothing. No one will want a girl like you.”

Elain was shaking. She didn’t know whether it was from anger or nerves or perhaps embarrassment that she hadn’t been able to hold back her tears and now she could taste the salt that dampened her cheeks. 

“No one wants a girl like me?” Elain managed to scoff. “Do you hear yourself? You proposed to me not even an hour ago.”

Graysen opened his mouth to speak but Elain had finally had enough. She couldn’t stand to listen to him spit more vitriolic words into her face. Couldn’t stand the reminders of everything she’d already convinced herself to be true. She walked past him, straight to the door of her apartment. 

She twisted the knob, pulling the door open before turning back to face him. “Leave.” 

“If I step out of that door, I’m not coming back,” Graysen threatened. “We’ll be done.” 

“Leave,” she repeated. 

Graysen’s jaw clenched and he let out a sharp exhale of air as he made his way towards the open door. He didn’t say anything as he looked at her, only pausing to give her a disgusted once-over before he flung her necklace on the ground. She watched as it landed right by the sharp heel of her shoe. 

Elain barely heard him mutter whatever last insult he flung her way before he walked away. She closed her door and locked it but her eyes never left that shimmering piece of gold shining bright on her dark floor. She sank to her knees, tears falling so hard and fast from her eyes that the neckline of her dress was wet. She didn’t realise how quick and shallow her breaths had become until she was on the floor, her broken necklace safe in her hands. 

She pulled her legs to her chest and lowered her head in between her knees, her fingers still tightly clutching the pendant. This was the lowest moment of her life and she couldn’t believe she’d let it get to this point.  She was disappointed with herself. With her decisions. She’d wasted years of her life. She’d wasted her time and the time of at least two other people. She’d isolated herself from everyone that genuinely cared about her. She’d missed out on major family milestones. Had pushed away any chance of happiness that had been presented to her. 

Elain had run and run and run and where had it gotten her? 

She was thirty years old and lived in a city that would never feel like home. She had  countless failed relationships and one disastrous marriage proposal under her belt. She was having a panic attack in her tiny apartment and there was nothing she could do about it. She grasped for her phone - desperate to have someone talk her through this terrible feeling, to remind her how to breathe. 

Amidst her racing thoughts and racing heart, she ran through her options - she couldn’t bother Nesta because she didn’t want to interrupt her time with Cassian. Feyre had enough on her plate with Nyx. She wasn’t close enough with any of her old friends to put them on the spot like this. She wanted her father, wanted a hug and the gruff it’ll be fine that would never come.

There was only one other option left but there was no way in hell she was going to go through with that when Graysen’s words were still blaring through her mind. 

Elain squeezed her eyes shut and tipped her head back against the door. She gripped her necklace in her fist and raised her fist to her chest, gently tapping in a rhythm that mimicked a normal heartbeat. She didn’t know how long she sat there before her heart slowed, matching the slow knocking of her fist against her chest. 

Her panic had subsided but the sadness and frustration lingered and the profound loneliness that she’d been trying to ignore - the loneliness that her father had once alluded to - finally bubbled up and threatened to drown her once and for all. 

[pink-amethyst-tarot]

What to expect in love in 2024

take a deep breath, chose one of the images (or more than one, if you feel called), and go to your pile

You know what is best for you, only you can truly decide your future

P I L E 1 ~ P I L E 2 ~ P I L E 3

Pile 1

Death, Nine of Wands, Queen of Pentacles (Reversed), The Hanged One, Page of Wands

Bottom of the Deck: Seven of Cups

There is a relationship that you have been in that has caused you a lot of distress for a very long time (for some, it may have been years), but I am seeing that relationship coming to an end. I think that it may be because of someone's infidelity and not feeling like you are yourself when in this relationship. I kind of feel myself letting out a sigh of relief. I've been there, I was at a point where, I had already mentally and emotionally checked out of the relationship, so when it was over and I finally got away, I just felt relieved. It's like you have felt trapped with this person for so long, feeling trapped, but now you are on a journey to a new life, with bigger and better things for you. You have a so many opportunities now that this relationship is over. This is your year to find who you are again and get to know yourself. I'm rooting for you, and I think it's going to be such a healing year for you.

If you would like to know more about your own personal situation, you can see this post on how to book a reading with me.

If you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage or on p@yp@l at @oddlycozycottage

Pile 2

Six of Swords, Eight of Cups, The Emperor, The Hanged One, Page of Wands

Bottom of The Deck: Two of Cups

I wrote a song that I love very much because I know it's a song that I wrote for my soulmate (I haven't met them yet but hopefully soon). "I walked a long road, not knowing it lead to you". That's the line of my song that comes to mind when I look at your cards. You both have done so much to become better for yourselves and for each other, whether that was a conscious effort or not. You have had to leave so many things and people behind and you have your heart broken over and over again. In the coming year, you are going to meet your person and all of that will have been worth it. When you meet your person, you will see that everything that you have been through, every lesson that you have had to learn, was for a reason and you will see that it was all worth it. This person is mature and understanding so you don't have to worry about them not seeing you; not understanding you. This person gets you more than you can comprehend. You will let go of your old ideas of what love is and what love can be when it comes to yourself. This person wants to make long-term plans with you. They want to write letters to you and spend hours talking to you on the phone. This person can't wait to fall in love with you. Please know that this person wants to marry you and after like the third date, they will have the ring picked out! I hope that doesn't scare you. I'm just so sure that it's you. It couldn't be anyone else because no one else could be this perfect.

Channeled Song: my song isn't uploaded anywhere so I can't post it but another song I can add is Dear Soulmate by Laufey

Dear, Soulmate, do you think of me cause I do // Do you have blue eyes? Or are they brown like mine? // Do you have a sister, too? // Dear Soulmate, one day I'll give this song to you // Dear Soulmate, I can't wait to fall in love with you //

If you would like to know more about your own personal situation, you can see this post on how to book a reading with me.

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Pile 3

Queen of Wands, Nine of Pentacles, Knight of Wands, Seven of Wands, Six of Pentacles

Bottom of the Deck: Two of Pentacles

I'm getting that you are so happy being single and independent! You do well on your own and you like what you have accomplished since you have been single. You're worried that if you get into something serious, you will fall out of balance in your life. I think that may come from a past relationship that was not fulfilling to you and that person may have weighed you down in a lot of ways. There is someone who is coming in (and they are coming in fast, might I say) and they aren't what you are afraid of. They will actually help you maintain that balance that you've cultivated in your life as they mold your life with theirs. You're being called to not fight this or to push this person away. This person is very giving and they just want to give you all of their love.

Channeled Song: Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac

time cast its spell on you // but you won't forget me // I know I could have love you // but you would not let me// I'll follow you down to the sound of my voice will haunts you // you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you//

I feel like this song is an omen, pretty much saying to not mess this up. Don't be such a guarded person that you keep the good ones out, too.

If you would like to know more about your own personal situation, you can see this post on how to book a reading with me.

If you feel called to tip, you can on c@sh@pp at $oddlycozycottage or on p@yp@l at @oddlycozycottage

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

[itsmebytch001]

I’m so happy you would write for arcane!! I love the fanfic that you write! So I can’t wait to read this!! ❤️❤️❤️ (I’m shaking, help me)

Can you right a platonic yandere Silco and jinx, with a similar reader to the “Smoking it away” reader?

-🥄

Sure, Spoon person. I LOVE Arcane SM So thank you for this!

Jinx and Silco had taken you in when you were young, maybe nine. Jinx had lived with Silco for not long now and hadn't settled but found you, a street kids precence soothing, she would seek you out to play together and bring you back to Silcos home to eat and sleep. And at some point you simply didn't really leave, Silco accepted you though you were never as close to him as he and Jinx were. And you weren't really as extrodanary as Jinx was, you didn't have any extensive skill in explosives, or war and though it was never said, you did feel useless, like dead weight. so you fought you'd find a way around it, a way sourced to you in the city, a constant prescene and a unstopping force in Zaun that turned average men in to beats and rage and later deform them and shrivel them up into only skin and bone, so you sourced it out, behind Silco and Jinx back of course.

So you started Micro dosing, just a few drops at any given time where you wanted to feel that pep of energy, you would find some where private, like your room that wasn't really private since Jinx would enter whenever she liked, or sometimes would sleep in your bed without you knowing and take out that one vile in your left pocket that you had been working on for the last few weeks, press the top of the vile on your finer, and then take that drop or purple liquid and press it on your tongue to feel that rush, that feeling of elecitricty running down from your mouth and across your spine setting you free from your uselessness.

And though Jinx may not have noticed, Sevika did.

She noticed the shakes, the paranoid looks around the room and massive weight loss, and she thought to tell Jinx, not to be kind, but to be a bit cruel. So she entered Jinx's lair, a extremely unusual occaronace, Jinx didn't notice her until she sat down next to her.

Jinx: "...Sevika?"

Sevika: "Hey"

Jinx: "...Hey? What brings you to by humble abode huh?"

Sevika: "I see Y/n's not here, you know where she is?"

Jinx: "No, but she's probably in her room or just hanging round Silco, Y'know, why?"

Sevika: "You notice anything...different about her recently?"

Jinx: "Youre being reeaally criptic Sevika, I don't like that" She said leaning away from her with her frog goggles.

Sevika: "She's always cold, always shaking, acting strangely don't ya think"

Jinx: "What are you getting at?"

Sevika: "I think she's using, Jinx"

Jinx: "Using, like shimmer?"

Sevika: "She's got all the signs of microdosing"

Jinx: "HA! You gotta be kidding, she would never do something like that with out telling me!"

Sevika: "Well maybe you two aren't as close as you think

Jinx: "Excuse me?" She said standing up, and stepping up to Sevika.

Sevika: "I'm just saying, if you paid attention you would see she's falling off, and you two were as close as you think, she would tell you that she's using"

Jinx: "Get the fuck out"

And so she did, she left without another word as Jinx stood motionless in her lair, glaring out into the darkness over analizing every single recent interaction.

Jinx: "She's not using, she' s just saying that to be cruel" but what if she is

Jinx: "No, NO! I would notice! I know what using shimmer looks like, I WOULD KNOW" so why is she avoiding you?

Jinx: "Avoding me? She's not avoiding me she's just busy! Why would she be using any ways, she has everything she could ever need, she has me! and she would never do that to me, and definetley not behind my back! hahah, No no no that's silly" What if she ends up like those bums down in the gutter

Jinx: "No, No that's not gonna happen baecuse she's NOT using!" What if she ends up like vander

Jinx: "NO!" She screamed pulling at her braids.

Maybe she's lying to you, maybe she's using to escape you maybe she wants to leave, she probably rather be high than with you

Jinx: "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" She shriked into the void.

She'll be one of those scroungers begging for food shrivled and dying, covered in filth and all baecuse of you.

Jinx: "NO NO NO! No NO NO" She pulled herself into the fetal position rocking back and fourth so sooth the terrible thoughts again and again, she had to talk to Silco about it.

And so, later that day she bursted into his office, sitting on his desk while his chair faced her, looking out the window.

Jinx: " Sevika came to see me today"

Silco:"...At your lair? odd, Why?"

Jinx: "She said...She said Y/n was...microdosing"

Silco: "Shimmer?"

Jinx: "Yeah shimmer what else?! And I was like She's not using that's silly and she was like 'maybe your not as close as you think you are' You know all Sevika like so I-"

Silco: "Jinx, your starting one of your ramblings again"

Jinx: "Oh Yeah yeah sorry" She giggled to herself

Jinx: "Have you noticed anything off about her recently?"

Silco: "Well, she is spending less time with us than usual, I suppose it is possible"

Jinx: "But she wouldn't...She wouldn't!"

Silco: "Jinx, Instead of spinning yourself into a frenzie, go check her room for anything susbicious, anything strange"

Jinx: "But...What if I find something?" She whispered.

Silco: "we'll figure it out"

So Jinx found herself in your room scanning over how messy it was, how much dust had collected and how the windows where musted over, as she began to go through your wardrobe, throwing out you clothes onto the bed until it was bare, going through all your draws and vanity until she had basically destroyed the place with all your things stroon about the room. She huffed to herself wondering where, if not here it could be, until she was the glint in the corner of her eye, she swivled around to the air vent where something shined in the reflection of the sun. Jinx, being for to short to simply grab it pushed your vanity to step on inorder to open the vent to find a small metal lock box, standing back down onto the floor the took a hair pin out and jimmied the lock only to reveal what she despratley wanted not be there.

Two Vials of shimmer, she felt herself shake with rage and frustration, why would you do this, for how long were you doing this? In a flip act of rage she threw the box at the wall, casusing it to dent, holding the two vials in one hand so tightly they might shatter in her hand.

Now what are you going to do?

Hours later Jinx had found you back in the back room of that Last Drop like you often were, she heard you shuffling about as she slowly turned the handle to the room, with your back facing her as she entered silently as she watched silently while you again as so many times before took your half used vial, unscrewed the vial pressed the end onto your finger to rub the resedue onto your togue, but not before she stalked you from behind and placed a hand on your shoulder.

Jinx: "What are you doing?" She asked in her childishly calm voice.

Y/n: "I- I I'm Just, Jinx I-"

Jinx: "Oh Y/n" She sighed before whacking you over the head with her rifle, knocking you out.

Eventually when you woke, you found yourself in your bed, but not in your room...

You sat up to realise you were in Jinx's lair with your bed laying on one of the giant fan panneles, looking over at Jinx welding something with the sparks flying out in all directions.

Y/n: "Jinx?"

Jinx swiveled round in her stool smiling at you.

Jinx: "Your awake! I was worried maybe I hit you a bit to hard haha"

Y/n: "I- How did you"

Jinx: "So I found your stash"

Y/n: "Oh"

Jinx: "You thought you could hide that from me?"

Y/n: "Jinx I"

Jinx: "Ssssshh" She angrily shushed you, skipping over to your bed that had misteroulsy moved from your bed to here, flopping onto the covers climbing over you to trap you between the bed and her, staring you down.

Jinx: "How long have you been lying to me?"

Y/n: "Jinx please I"

Jinx: "nu uh, No No no" She placed her her finger over your lips.

Jinx: "No More talking, all you've done is lie to me" You winced ash she said it so aggressivly spit was coming onto your face.

Jinx: "Why would you do this? Why would you do this to me?! This is so selfish, I should have known, I don't know why I didn't see it, you were acting all sketch and going all quite and odd, I should have seen"

Y/n: "Jinx, I-I was only using so I could be..."

Jinx: "So you could what?"

Y/n: "I just wanted to feel strong, you know, like you"

...

Jinx: "HA! That's funny toots" She held your face squishing your cheeks together into a kissy face.

Jinx: "It's beacuse you want to leave me, you would rather get high than spend time with me!"

She wants to leave you

Jinx: "Shut UP!" she screamed to the left of her.

Y/n: "Jinx, I want to go back to my room"

Jinx: "This is your room now, why do ya think I had Sevika move your bed here, Silco will get his cronies to bring the rest of your stuff soon enough"

Y/n: "What?"

Jinx: "I can't be having you alone if I can't trust you, can I?"

GIVE ME MOOOOORE SUGGESTIONS NEOOOOOWWWW!"

[pricegouge]

Fatted Rabbit Part Nine on AO3

Contents

Bear!John x reader | explicit

Over the next few days you're an emotional mess. There's a lot to unpack and while John's as far from any of your past partners as possible, the speed at which you've gone from 'never dating again' to 'if he calls me sweetheart one more time I'm gonna tell my mom about him' is alarming to say the least.

By the next morning you're quietly concerned you've gone and fallen in love. It would be enough to set you on edge if John wasn't so fucking sweet. He makes breakfast in his pajama pants again, serves you a 'cuppa' exactly as you'd made it the day before. He asks how you're feeling and if you need anything and kisses your temple, lips lingering on your forehead as if checking for a fever.

"'M'not sick," you remind him and he just grins against your skin, caught.

"I read last night that some people run fevers this time of month."

"Doing some light reading?"

"Mhm. Just wanna take care of you, honey."

"And what have you been doing?"

"Well, there's always room for improvement," he smiles. 

You'd expect that after a second date turned celibate two night stand, the two of you would've run out of things to talk about by now. Instead, John fills you in on his plans for the week (wait staff training and a meeting with a small business community chapter he says he'd rather pull his teeth out than attend), and gossips about how he's pretty sure Simon has a crush on Soap which gets you laughing. 

"Simon doesn't seem like he's ever had a crush on anyone."

"No, he's more of the 'decide he's in a relationship one day and hope the other person notices' type."

"How's that working out for him?"

"Dunno. He's yet to try it."

"And Soap's the man? Simon seemed pretty annoyed with him…"

"Tha's the hell of it. Fully expected to come back to one betta in the bowl, you know? Either the big guy's getting soft in his old age, or Soap's magnetism is universal."

"Well, it's definitely not that, " you laugh, thinking of the cocky Scot. 

"Mm. You gonna come downstairs with me? Let him try his charms on you again?"

You bite your lip. "No, but thank you. Think I'm gonna go for a hike today. Get some fresh air."

John's eyes widen in fake concern. "You see that bear again you tell him you're spoken for now, yeah?"

You can't help the grin that spreads across your face, feeling like a child. It only grows when you see John smiling contentedly back at you. "I don't know. What if he gets mad? Don't wanna piss a bear off."

"Smart rabbit. Suppose I'll just have to share."

"Man, all the local girls are gonna be so mad when they realize I've managed to snag the two biggest studs in town," you wink.

John's answering smile is the toothy one that always leaves you a little breathless, a disturbing mix of nervous and excited. 

Well, disturbing in that you know you shouldn't trust him with this feeling. You remember his jealous comment the other night, the one you'd wanted to reflect on when sober. Today seems like a good time for it, considering how easily he's managed to reduce you to mushy sentiments. 

"Think we're the lucky ones, bunny."

You make your excuses soon after and John sends you off with a rumbly, 'Don't get eaten.' It should probably be taken seriously - there is, after all, a massive, oddly behaving bear that may or may not be stalking you - but something about the way he says it reminds you of the way he'd stuck his face in your crotch like a starved man, kept comparing you to food; you're fuzzy with embarrassment when he opens the Jeep door for you.

"Well. Wanna keep the bear happy, but maybe not that happy, you know?"

"Mm, good rabbit." Earthquake pitch again, felt more than heard as he leans in to kiss you goodbye. When he pulls back, he looks a bit more serious. "Don't suppose I can convince you to come back later and spend the night?"

It's sweet, but you suspect it's extended more out of concern for your safety than a genuine desire to spend another night with you. It combines with your growing need for time to think to get you demuring. "No thanks. Need a break from your snoring."

John huffs, unbothered. "Fair. Well, don't be afraid to call if you need anything. I'll be busy with the staff today but it should die off after nine. Text, yeah?"

"Sure thing, pumpkin." You're trying for sarcastic. Miss entirely. Disconcerting. 

"Up you get, bunny." And then you're being guided up into the Jeep as if you weigh nothing and shit that's gonna leave you lightheaded every time. "We'll make plans later in the week?"

"Sure. Get with Simon about ideas. Maybe we can get together for a double date?"

John laughs, loud and sudden. "Oh, I'd pay good money to see Simon on a date. Bet you he'd go in for a kiss without taking that mask off." You're not sure if it's appropriate to laugh at that, so you don't. John doesn't seem bothered, carrying on. "But alright. You gonna come watch your match with me tomorrow at least? No obligation to spend the night. Promise."

You want to say yes, definitely, but a bigger part of you knows you should get some space and perspective. You've fallen hard and fast, and not only could that be dangerous, it was also straight up unwise after the kind of relationship you just got out of. And you'd accidentally told him you didn't want to be casual. That was… you didn't regret it, per se. Just wish you'd held your tongue a little longer.

"Got a sales meeting," you blurt. Fuck, that's stupid. Why even lie? John's not gonna care if you want to skip a few nights.

"Sales meeting?"

"Yeah… international company. Some of the meeting times can be odd."

"...Okay."

"Okay. But we'll definitely see each other soon, eh?"

"Whenever you're ready, sweetheart," he says softly. Fuck, too softly. He's onto you. Fuckshit.

"I'm lying," you blurt, unable to stand the kicked puppy look on his face another moment.

John's face cycles through surprise and amusement quickly, lands on slightly patronizing. "Really?"

"Yes. Sorry. I don't know. I guess I just thought you'd be mad if I just said no."

"No reason to be mad, bunny," John hedges and you're unsure if it's worse to read his apprehension as hurt or the recurring concern he adopts whenever you're being too obvious. He's too sweet.

"Right. Well, it's not that I don't want to see you again, anyway. I just think some space would be smart. I'm  kinda… getting over a bad breakup, I guess, so I don't want to rush into anything ill-advised, you know? Not that I think this is ill-advised!" you add quickly, clocking something dark growing on the edges of his expression. "Just… want to think some things over, if that makes sense?"

A beat. John's expression is tight, but it reminds you more so of the time those idiots at the rink called you fat than of any time Phil donned the same expression. "Of course, bunny. Can I ask… your breakup… Anything I need to worry about?"

You nearly laugh. "God, no. Well, only if he shows up suddenly, I guess, but not for the reason you're probably assuming."

"What do you mean?"

"Another time," you wave him off. "Just know I'd sooner die than go back to Phil so no worries there."

He definitely doesn't look satisfied, but thankfully doesn't press. "Okay, bunny. Take your time. Let me know when you're available, yeah?"

You sigh, borderline exasperated for no real reason. "Told you to stop being so sweet. I don't know what to do with it."

John smiles, a little sad. "Well, we'll just have to get you used to it, then."

***

Over the next few days you're an emotional mess. There's a lot to unpack and while John's as far from any of your past partners as possible, the speed at which you've gone from 'never dating again' to 'if he calls me sweetheart one more time I'm gonna tell my mom about him' is alarming to say the least.

You're not ashamed to admit that - while you'd already been pretty crazy about him - a non-zero amount of this sudden infatuation is proximity and remember-when-he-dragged-that-hot-tongue-up-your-pussy-even-though-you'd-already-established-he-wasn't-getting-laid-tonight induced. Two weeks ago the thought of even touching yourself had made you cringe, but here John stuck his fucking face in your crotch and you'd simply melted. He could've done it, you're not afraid to admit. You can blame it on the alcohol, the desperation to feel good after everything - whatever you need to tell yourself, but at the end of the day you know he could have done it and you would have liked it and that's really all there is to say on that, isn't it?

Except it's not. Because he hadn't. Because you were drunk and he'd said he wouldn't.

You'd wonder at your luck, rebounding with a decent guy, but you're surprised how much you don't want John to be something casual like that. You hadn't been lying when you'd said as much, though you'd been debating if you'd accidentally stuck your foot in your mouth ever since. It's not that you don't want a relationship with John - far from - it's just that you're not sure how smart it is to rush into anything right now.

You spend a day out by Whitefish, hoping the physical distance will help you gain perspective, but it doesn't. John occupies ninety percent of your thoughts. When you wake up, you miss the heavy warmth of him. Midday, you think about texting to see how Simon and Soap are getting along. It's easy when the sun's out and your general demeanor is less dire. During the day, you focus on how sweet he is; but at night your doubts creep in, and you remember the blatant jealousy and the way the divot between his brows denotes an anger he steadfastly denies. 

Phil used to deny his aggression, too.

You don't honestly believe John has yet been angry with you, but that cloudy look makes you gun shy, and you've honed your instincts to a knife point over the last few years so you're loath to ignore them now. There's no denying you're a different person than you were when you'd met Phil. Before, you would have ignored these issues in favor of the stability he'd brought you; but you're currently content to be as unstably homeless as possible so long as you can keep yourself safe (relatively).

This just leaves the question of John, and whether or not you ought to listen to that tiny voice in your head. If it were just the quick temper that worried you, you could write it off as PTSD induced paranoia, but the growing regularity with which he can reference instances he was not present for is raising some hairs. It makes you feel crazy for even considering it, but you've lived under some level of surveillance before. Phil used to throw things you'd said or done in private in your face just to remind you he could. Prove he had control. John doesn't sound threatening when he does it, but it doesn't sound purely coincidental, either. 

After five days of mulling it over, you're feeling a lot better. Clarity comes piecemeal and sluggish, but it does come:

In the greasy smear of a pan you'd used to make a grilled cheese, you divine that you don't need to know if you're ready for a real relationship. At the end of the day, the two of you have only been on two dates. You may have agreed on wanting to be more than casual, but it's still not like you exchanged vows or anything. You're allowed to stop overthinking and just enjoy John's company. And you feel like an idiot when you're sitting lakeside, just enjoying the sun, and suddenly realize that while you'd technically only left Phil a few weeks ago, you've been downright fucking pupal for years. When you're in the thick of it, it's so easy to drown yourself in the to-do's and the now-what's and the where-can-I-hide-this that it's enough to think of your actions as nothing but that - actions. Can't see the forest for the trees, as it were. But now you recognize that you've basically been a single woman living under extremely unpleasant circumstances for years now. It's an oversimplification, of course, but the situation you're in now doesn't necessarily require further elaboration. You're finishing off your crochet project when you remember people are allowed to just be angry sometimes and that doesn't make them dangerous. John is no threat. For better or worse, staying with Phil long after you'd gotten wise to his ways had at the very least made you confident you could spot a viper at ten clicks. You'd been quite close and personal with John and he'd never once raised your hackles in any way that wasn't reasonable, or at least couldn't easily be explained away. 

Of course, once you've come to these conclusions, you allow yourself to start missing him. He's been so sweet through all of this, but the fact that he's been good about giving you space these last few days has stood out in your mind as one of the top reasons you're sure you've just been a bit obstinate re: allowing yourself to be happy. You've kept your distance for nearly a week and although you could read it plain as day on his face how much it upset him when you'd said you'd wanted time, John's been content to just wish you a good morning and ask how your day went at night. He never pries to see how you're feeling, or what you're thinking, or where you are, or even what you're up to. Basically just wants confirmation you're still alive and then he leaves you alone, just as you'd wanted.

Except, as the days go by, you begin to realize that isn't what you want. Not the obvious concern - that's sweet, actually, especially when your friend the bear is becoming an almost nightly visitor - but the self-inflicted loneliness. You're not sure you wanted John to chase you, exactly (you're not in middle school after all), and you're thankful he took your concerns seriously, but something about it has made you feel… bereft.

"Think it's the hormones," you inform the bear one night. He seems to agree, if the way he sniffs and drools all over the seal of your window is any indication. You're over your period by now, but your impending horny week might be responsible for your unreasonable expectations. "What do you think? I should bite the bullet, eh? Man's not a mind reader, after all." 

It lowers, somehow both excited and miserable. If you didn't know him any better, the thick saliva it's currently trying to wash your Jeep with would be disconcerting, but you're fairly confident he's just excited about the honey he smells in your front seat. Probably. If it was rabid it would be dead by now, surely?

"Guess I'm just not used to getting what I want," you grumble, perhaps a little self-pitying. If he finds you pathetic, the bear doesn't let on. He takes a moment to look you directly in the eye and moo, licking the window for good measure.

In the morning, John asks if you'd be interested in joining him on a trip to the local flower shop.

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