#i'm just very passionate about this man changing his life for the better. by quitting his job. right now.

[frootbyethefoot]

crying screaming throwing up in a fit of borderline hysteria begging kim kitsuragi to quit his job. they treat you like ass. it's not fulfilling work. it's actively hurting you and the community. quit your job. find peace. do literally anything else with your life i am begging you.

i only kind of understand how the rcm rank system works so forgive me if this doesn't sound quite right but. kim worked in juvie for 15 years despite (most likely) being overqualified for detective work at some point in those 15 years. then he spent a year in processing, despite, again, most likely being overqualified. then he spent 4 years presumably working his way up to lieutenant. in a work environment that was just as racist as the previous one. all this is to say, i don't think criminal investigations would've made that swift rank advancement very easy for kim. going presumably from patrol officer to a 4x decorated lieutenant in 4 years sounds like crunch and burnout waiting to happen, if i'm understanding everything right.

granted, he wasn't in as grueling of a district as precinct 41, and he has half of harry's case load (not that it's a competition on who can have the most self destructive burnout imaginable). but still, it sounds bad. it sounds awful. it sounds like he should resign immediately and never look back. do literally anything else with your life kim, i promise there are more fulfilling jobs out there.

[mychapel-004]

I think the most interesting and under-explored part of gf canon is the formation of the blind eye and I'm tired of pretending it isn't: a long post

Because hear me out here, if we really take a look at the timing of the only concrete source we have (mcgucket's video diaries), it doesn't... line up at all?

The clear implication here is that he started making the diaries after the first portal incident on January 18th 1983, so this would be our "day one"

"For the past year I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher... But something went wrong. I decided to quit the project, but I lie awake each night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done... Test subject one: Fiddleford."

But this makes no sense. We know from J3 that the memory gun was actually invented after a series of traumatic events with Ford, months before he left the project. Further, the timeline the video diaries set up of the blind eye show that he began to deteriorate and founded the blind eye on day 22, which would be February 9th, but in J3 the blind eye is already a full blown cult by then.

In addition, where is he in this video? we know from TBOB that he isn't on good terms with his wife after Christmas of 1982 and he likely didn't leave GF after the portal incident, but he was living with Ford up until this so where is this room? If he had somewhere else to stay, why only stay there now?

Now, realistically the answer here is that the lore was changed and slightly retconned between the writing of this episode and the publishing of the book (which alex discusses in some of the commentary for this episode when discussing fidd's character), but I think a more interesting theory to solve this contradiction can be found in the source material.

If we play this all completely straight, there are two options here, both involving Fiddleford lying in his diaries. this isn't entirely new to the series, unreliable narration is a big theme, especially in Journal 3 and TBOB. the only real explanations are that:

A) Fiddleford was lying about this being the first time he used the gun, meaning this video diary takes place after the portal incident.

B) Fiddleford was lying about leaving the project, and was filming these diaries while still working with Ford.

Now, either of them is plausible, but ultimately Fiddleford is a scientist. He has dedicated his life to engineering, and it seems to be his lifelong passion considering it's one of the only character traits that he continues to practice after losing his mind. Would a man who is this talented, this dedicated, really lie about testing results in a video diary he chose to make?

If he had used the gun before, any kind of result he is trying to observe would be ruined. It would be a pointless venture, since we know for a fact that by the time he leaves the project he has used the gun on himself, Ford and other civillians multiple times. It's a complete failure of the scientific method, and I don't think it makes sense for the character we know, the man who quadruple checks his own calculations just to be sure they're right.

However, the other explanation feels like something he might do. We know he invents the gun after the Gremloblin incident likely sometime in August, and seems to use it immediately as evidenced by J3, on both himself and Ford. We know from the audio commentary that for Fidd, the memory gun is very much an addiction, it's something that he uses to curb his anxiety and appear like a better partner, to try and keep himself together until the project is over. But ultimately, he's known something is wrong with the project for a long time, and Ford mentions his tendency towards self destructive anxiety when Fidd rips out his own hair after Ford reveals the tip of the weirdness iceberg to him.

All this to say, I think it's far more realistic for Fiddleford to lie about leaving the project rather than his results. He knows that something is wrong, that he should leave and be with his family, and on the other side of that we know that Bill is using this anxiety to whisper into Ford's ear that Fidd is unreliable and will leave. He's been through a severely traumatic event with the Gremloblin, trapped for days in his worst nightmares, to the point where he is prepared to cause himself potential brain damage to un-see it.

But despite all of it, he doesn't leave. He is determined to stay, maybe out of loyalty, maybe out of fear for Ford's safety, maybe he needs the money from the project for his family. He has a wife and son who need him and we know that he feels guilt for his treatment towards them, he even cites them as his sole reason for backing out of using the gun immediately before he does it anyway, and uses it on Ford to cover his mistakes up. Fiddleford is a man who is wracked by anxiety and shame and is such a bad way by this point that he is absolutely willing to self-destruct and lie to just get through this project.

I think he absolutely would start documenting his use of the memory gun, even if that meant lying that he had followed his instincts and left the project when he should have done. After all, he says himself that he wants to use this gun on a wider scale as a therapy tool, assuming the gun doesn't turn his brain to mush, surely the tapes of his initial testing will need to be peer-reviewed? He's presenting the reality he wishes was true, the one where he is brave and stands on his principles and doesn't fall into step beside Ford on his path to destruction.

So, where does this leave the timeline?

Finding exact dates is difficult, mostly because the only concrete numbers in J3 are few and far between, but we do have the dates of the tapes to go off as follows. This isn't concrete but it's a fun way to recontextualise the events of J3:

Day 1:

First usage of the gun, followed by it being used on Ford

Sometime after the Gremloblin incident, Fidd's arm is either healed or on the mend from the incident as his cast is gone, so likely towards the end of August.

Note on the cast: It could also be gone as a result of him removing it too early, he doesn't seem to take a lot of time to recover from the incident before he gets back to work in fear of disappointing Ford.

The room he is in is likely his bedroom in the Shack, or whatever location he initially uses to form the blind eye, maybe a room in the museum? The "probability of failure" graph in the back is the same one that he shows Ford the night before the Portal test, albeit a bigger version, meaning he has likely been tracking the output results for a while.

Day 5:

Still exhibiting postive results, no deterioration yet.

Day 22:

First signs of mental deterioration

First mention of the blind eye, Fidd draws the symbol onto a notebook but it is already scribbled in the background over a diagram of the portal. The blind eye symbol is first mentioned in J3, when Fidd hands it to the carny who becomes the eventual leader of the cult, so this diary likely takes place after he has begun using it on other people.

Official formation of the blind eye as a group to help people forget traumatic memories.

His room in the shack is in a state of disarray, his plants are dead and there are handprints in oil or ink on the walls. Notably, he seems to be connecting the idea of a single eye and the portal despite not being aware of Bill at this point, which I'll touch upon later.

The carnival is likely in September according to the timeline by @fordtato

Day 74:

Slight physical deterioration, more physical anxiety

It seems that Fidd has been regularly using the memory gun at this point, to erase even minorly distressing images from his head, and his anxiety has taken a nosedive. Likely explanation is that this diary is after the bunker, where he had another severely traumatic experience (kidnapped by a shapeshifter and reduced to mute from anxiety) and seemed to become obsessed with doomsday planning. During the bunker arc he also used the gun on multiple workmen and Ford once again.

Likely takes place in October/November

His room is a complete mess by now, with the walls covered in papers and "Help Me" scrawled on the walls.

At this point in J3, Ford has made his deal with Bill and is allowing him to possess his body whenever he pleases. Bill has also sucessfully driven a divide between the other two by making Ford doubt that Fidd will be able to make it to the end of the project, and Ford describes his frustration with him.

According to Ford, Fidd is just as agitated and nervous before the portal test as he was during the Gremloblin attack, and obsessively checks and rechecks his calculations, causing Ford to worry for his resolve.

In between this diary and the next are the stolen pages from J3 that are in TBOB, which give us slight insight into Fiddleford during this time but not much. We see that he tries multiple times to reach out to him the only way that Fidd knows how, through invention and creation, with the snowglobe and the six-fingered gloves. Ford, however, treats them carelessly as a result of his increased attention to his muse. At the same time, he tries to visit home but is kicked out by Emma-May after he forgets to get her a Christmas gift. This is played as an example of his connection with Ford, him remembering two gifts for the man and none for his wife, but if he really is suffering from his use of the gun at this time, the forgetfulness makes even more sense and his argument with his family means he doesn't have a support system outside of Ford who is paying all of his attention to the project. After this, Fiddleford is more reclusive than ever as he spends early January compiling a thesis for Ford to publish

Day 189

Physical deterioration is in full effect and he can't hide the result of his addiction any more, even just to keep up appearances.

His arm is broken, likely due to the car accident he mentions accidentally causing, but its the same arm he broke during the Gremloblin attack and could be a result of him taking his cast off too early for it to have healed right in the first place which could explain why he wears it for so long.

Significant mental decline as he has started exhibiting signs of brain damage or swelling (decreased vocabulary, forgetfulness, loss of motor functions) however, he is seemingly lucid enough to question if the memory gun is causing negative side effects.

There are actually bottles visible in the back of the room, possbly referencing the addiction metaphor being used here

This would take place after the portal test, likely late January. Ford is at the height of his paranoia, Fiddleford has left the shack and taken every trace of his research with him except his college picture with Ford, and the blind eye is a fully established and seemingly self-governing cult.

Day 273

At this point, Fidd has relocated to a motel and is seemingly completely mentally gone, ripping out his hair and developing his hunched posture. This likely takes place after the blind eye takes his memories, or he continues erasing them himself. It's possible that the blind eye continues visiting him and taking his memories even after he is ejected as a member, or at least until they forget who he is after using the gun on themselves too many times.

It appears to be snowing outside? Which doesn't line up with either the canon timeline or this timeline, so potentially the days on the video diaries could be incorrect assuming he isn't filming them every day, or has lost so much of his mind by this point that he isn't labelling them right and has lost track of time

The final two entries are a similar story, serving only to show us the end of his decline and him eventually becoming fully homeless, retreating to the junkyard he lives in for the next 28 years (jesus, he really deserved that mansion).

Ultimately though, this timeline asks a lot of interesting character questions.

Why did Ford not realise how bad Fiddleford's decline was becoming? Maybe a mix of circumstances, he was falling deeper into his worship of Bill at the time, to the extent that he was regularly being possessed and judging by the lack of journal entries at the time, very pre-occupied. We also know that Fidd used the gun on him at least twice in canon, and possibly used it more than we know in order to convince Ford he was okay.

If Fiddleford was erasing parts of Ford's memory, did Bill know? Personally, I feel that Bill was aware but knew that ultimately it would serve him. Fiddleford, without ever encountering Bill at this point, created the blind eye symbol which is eerily close to Bill's symbolism, how would he know that when we know Ford is possessive of his muse and doesn't share anything with Fidd about it? How does Ford have visions of Fidd in a red cloak without ever knowing that the cult and Fidd are directly connected? My thoughts are that Bill, who we know has erased Ford's memory himself before when he stole the journal pages we see in TBOB, was using most of this as fodder to drive a divide between the two, mentally creating associations in both of their minds so they stop trusting the other. Chess but with troubled gay men.

All in all I think Fiddleford's decline is such an interesting way to approach a theme of addiction, particularly a high-functioning addiction. If this really is how things played out, we know that throughout his use of the gun and even 30 years later when he is considered a write-off, the one thing he maintains is his engineering prowess and his smarts. It makes sense that even when actively using the gun and hiding it from Ford he would be able to keep up in terms of building the portal, especially when we know he secretly hired workers. It's also a great example of someone drawing others into their addiction, even if it was unintentional and he didn't believe they would be hurt in the long run.

I feel like sometimes there's a lil bit of a push to see Fidd as a naive or morally good character even through his mistakes and to demonise Ford in response, but ultimately both of them are very morally grey and have their own vices that they develop and grow from.

[calisources]

𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All sentences on this memes are taken from different sources of literature, television and media about enemies to lovers trope and enemies and lovers trope with some angst thrown into the mix. Change pronouns, names and locations as you see fit.

Does it hurt? Loving someone who can’t love you back?

Break his crown, break his throne, rip his monarchy apart.

What are we doing?

You are capable of making my blood boil like no one else, and yet I feel a magnetic pull I cannot explain.

It’s not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand

Like whether you should kiss me or punch me.

Most of all, I hate you because I think of you. Often. It’s disgusting, and I can’t stop.

You make me feel things that shouldn’t exist. 

Whatever this is, we should stop. I have been. . .compromised.

There’s a fine line between love and hate, and maybe we crossed it a long time ago.

I never thought I could detest someone so much, until the day I realized I was falling in love with you.

We may fight like enemies, but deep down, we both know that our hearts beat for each other.

You infuriate me, challenge me, drive me crazy, but damn it, at the end of the day, I can’t resist you.

It’s that tension that makes this so irresistible.

You’re like an addiction I can’t break free from, even if I wanted to.

You’re the thorn in my side, the fire in my veins, and I can’t help but crave your presence in my life.

Loving you feels like a dangerous game.

You infuriate me, yet you’re the only one who truly understands me.

You scare me to my core.

There’s no denying the fire that burns between us.

If any two men desire the same thing, which nevertheless they cannot both enjoy, they become enemies.

I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other.

Tell me you don’t feel this between us. Look at me and don’t look away while saying it.

You claim me your enemy and yet, let me crawl into your bed every night.

You are the bane of my existence, and the object of all my desires.

Do you even know all the ways a lady can be seduced? The things I could teach you.

I did not asked for this. To be plagued by these feelings.

I tried to deny it for so long, but I don’t want to anymore.

Follow me around. Look at me as if you find me fascinating. Touch me, and say nice things to me. And then, you pull away as if you did nothing at all.

There’s no need for these games.

Well, you know that old saying, “Keep your friends close and make out with your enemies.

You read me wrong.  I wasn't trying to lead you on.

Is that all I am to you? A resource to be used in your scheme?

Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything more than you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. But I just- I can't do it tonight, okay?

 You'll lay a man out for implying I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face.

So, the only man that can have you is one who's already tried to kill you. That's logic.

It's like a little death. Several, in fact.

Oh Max, if you really hated Kyle you couldn't have slept with him.

So go on... kiss me... kill me... Do something.

I've often wondered what this moment would be like. Me... you tied up. 

Once this is over, we should really have angry sex.

Hate and love are not so very different things. Both are focused upon another. Both are intense. Both are passionate.

It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate... than be with me.

She's difficult and irritating, and she tries to hit me all the time.

We have a deal, what are you so afraid of?

Only I can hurt you this way. Only I can kiss you like this. 

You dragged me down and now I can’t quit you. 

This is the last time we do this.

Last night was also the last time. And yet, you keep coming back.

Better my mouth than my knife, right?

[hwnglx]

felix's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

+ so the central theme for the first part of the reading, was the word “healing”. this is sweet actually, since i do think a lot of his public image is also tied to that, and it does appear to be a genuine part of his personality.

felix is a person who can have a profound impact on people, in a way where he just soothes them quite naturally. his presence alone can have that calming effect. there's a lot of gentleness to his energy. he's someone people would want to seek out when there's chaos and stress in their life, and they need a source of comfort and positivity. he enjoys giving that to people, and being that type of existence for them. it fulfills him, and can make him feel better about himself.

the stray kids member is the type of person who, instead of being relentlessly competitive and drama-prone, chooses to connect to people in a close manner. he's someone who truly doesn't enjoy drama and conflict.

felix wants to put himself into other people's shoes, genuinely empathize with them, make them feel validated and understood. he usually isn't a person who feels the need to selfishly put himself above anyone in order to lift himself up, or sees people as competition somehow. he just isn't the type who'll consciously choose to fight you, if he can befriend you instead. definitely an “everybody's darling” type of energy.

however, what's definitely worthy to note.. his softness does not equal weakness. on the contrary; felix is someone who's much more masculine and bold than some people might think. he isn't an easy target or pushover, and is in possession of his strong opinions he won't budge away from. if he feels strongly about something, he will not be the type to surrender that easily. in fact, he's very passionate in his autonomy.

i kept getting this feeling, that he's just amazing at wisely picking his battles, and acting with clear intention. although i do see him having his explosive moments, that definitely might catch some people off guard sometimes, considering the duality that's present here.. i don't really see him being a person who allows himself to let loose at the wrong time. i don't see him being someone so overly impulsive that he steps on people's toes, or crosses lines he shouldn't cross.

he's still got a tight enough grip on his emotions, that he's capable of staying conscious of when to let them bubble to the surface. if it's justified and he clearly feels like he's in the right though; you're likely to see a different side to felix, that's much more opinionated and dominant than you think.

this man just has amazing tact, and knows when to let out different sides of himself. he knows who to be more submissive towards, and who he can be more commanding with. he knows how to behave according to what benefits him the most, and which behavior will be to his biggest advantage. some people could look at this as selfish, and see it as more of a yellow flag. the lines are a little blurred here.

felix will be the sweetest and most generous person in the world, if he feels like you can help him out in some manner.

if there's someone who knows how to network in this business, it's him. i wouldn't be surprised if a good amount of his deals are a result of people just genuinely liking him as a person, and almost feeling this desire to return his kindness. (i'm not downplaying his talents! but he just gives the industry's darling too, which i saw in my jyp reading as well)

i can see him doing things like giving gifts, and being of service, or just extra nice to some people in power, who can give him the opportunities or attention/clout he wishes for.

he definitely can have his materialistic and opportunistic tendencies, which again, is likely to be more blurred in terms of “green and red flags”

he's just very clever and strategic, as well as more calculated than what meets the eye. he knows exactly what he's doing when sweetly smiling at you; he knows what effect he has on you. he's someone who charms people like it's the easiest thing in the world, and knows how to make use of his appeal.

- so, emphasizing this again; felix isn't stupid, he's very smart. he isn't a fool, he isn't the naive and innocent angel that he might portray himself as at times.

he's good at detaching himself from people.. the type that makes you feel like you're close to him, when you probably only know like 15% of who he actually is.

he's great at hiding away several parts of himself, especially the more “negative” ones. meaning, he usually disguises e.g. his negative opinions on people behind an agreeable smile, holds grudges deep down he probably won't tell you about, if he feels like it'd ruin the image you have of him. if felix openly and straight up tells you he doesn't like you, it's probably because he doesn't really see any use in being nice to you.

in addition, i can see him weaponizing his kindness at times. going back to the insights for the green flags, he is someone who's genuinely sweet towards many people.. however, some of that does come from him wanting to earn something and benefit from those acts of service.

if you end up in an argument with him, it's likely for felix to throw those acts of kindness into your face, and guilt-trip you for being so ungrateful. he's amazing at making you feel like an awful person. he was being so nice to you, and you're doing him wrong like that? felix is definitely someone who's great at manipulating narratives to his own advantage, and making himself look like the good guy in most scenarios.

he's for sure another idol, who i'd add to the list of “i suggest not fighting him” unless you wanna see a completely different side to him.

it's highly likely for a colder and less considerate side to come out, once you manage to rile felix up, and he feels done wrong by you. he can get very defensive, and quite ruthless and harsh, especially verbally. more cut-throat than he usually is.

i do think a lot of this comes from “i will hurt you before you can hurt me.” deep down, felix seems to have some unhealed wounds, especially in terms of his self worth.. this can lead to him becoming extra defensive if he feels like you could potentially rip off the bandaid, since he's still trying to heal.

note; this is lowkey making me sad, since.. many of his green flags were about healing and helping others, making them feel validated. it's almost like, he wants to heal others, because he can struggle healing himself.

i have to add, i do believe he cares more than he'd like to admit to himself, especially about people's opinion on him. again, i just don't think he wants to, since it can consume him a lot.

felix is someone who needs validation, and wants to feel like he's some sort of use to people in order for him to feel worthy.

the stray kids member is the type to overcompensate because he can quickly feel inadequate for people; especially when it comes to his work. i can see him being obsessive about his craft, his public image, his reputation. he seems to struggle finding real satisfaction, and can often pour way too much of himself into his work out of this fear that he isn't enough.

he's the type of person who's better at recognizing the things he lacks, rather than acknowledging his abilities, or the high place he's at. it's like.. something's always lacking, it's never truly enough. he can get very thirsty in terms of his career.

i do think a large part of this, comes from a lack of genuine and substantial self-love, without all the glamour and fame. he sees himself at his most lovable in work- and idol-mode, and can quickly feel like he's of much less value outside of that.

i can also sense him easily feeling like he doesn't have much to offer, outside of his more superficial qualities. like people wouldn't like him the way they do, if he wasn't in possession of his good looks, his money, his status. this can result in him getting pretty obsessive over keeping those things in check.

this is something i've seen in a few idols now. it's almost like fame can turn into this.. type of drug almost, that gives you this high, which you always end up chasing. a lot of idols realize, especially later on in their careers, that so much of that is just empty. it's a shallow type of “fulfillment” that looks nicer on the outside than it actually is. but once you're there, it can quickly turn into something you still can't get enough of.

[smehur]

Drarry Fic Recs #3

Storm in a Teacup by @faith2wood

For reasons he'd rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter's hair. This cannot end well.

It seems I can't put together a rec list without at least one story by Faith Wood. This one's soft in all the delightful ways I came to expect from the pen of my favorite author, with a sharp little pang of uncertainty that made it all the sweeter, and possibly the best-executed piece of dialog across all my reading. A beautiful fic that I'll be going back to over and over again.

Two Houses by @tackytigerfic

Two households, both alike in... meddling Floo connections, apparently? Draco Malfoy is a highly professional and well-respected Ministry official, with a demanding schedule, a loving son, and—through no fault of his own—a faulty Floo connection that keeps regurgitating the Minister for Magic through his fireplace.

I already gushed about this story on here, but I'm going to do it again. It'd be impossible to overstate how much I loved it. From the world-building surrounding the two magical estates, sprinkled with a wealth of delectable little details, to the delightfully mature and tender romance. Slow burn in 11k? I didn't think it could be done either, but here we are. There was this beautiful scene where Harry said that being around Draco is restful. What a perfect word! It captures everything I enjoyed about this fic: the warmth and the contentment and the unwavering certainty that everything would work out. What a joy to read!

everything you could ever want by @eleadore

Coming back to Hogwarts has given Harry more time to reflect than he really wanted, and he's learned he never quite stopped being the envious little boy in the closet. Wanting and wanting, never to have. If what Harry wants is pain, who better than Draco Malfoy to provide?

Oh, man. Where do I even start? Talking about this fic feels a bit like talking about a a close friend: no matter what I say, I know I won't do justice to just how much it affected me. It charmed me, and tugged on my heartstrings, and it still has a grip on my imagination. Reading it was like falling in love: first, with the reticent, stopped-up Harry bursting with passion he's unable to express or act upon; and then, even harder, with the portrayal of Draco, whose thoughts and feelings we can only guess at till the very end. And even then, he doesn't speak: his answer is in the sweep of his lashes. Ahhh. Such beautiful prose and stunning characterization. Bewitched, bothered and bewildered, I stay.

crawlin' helpless on the floor by @stationintern

It doesn't take much to torment a man when he's three broken contracts away from being out of a job and down a newspaper.

What a lovely little gem of a fic! Astonishing, how much atmosphere and feeling it delivers in less than 2k. A unique idea too (at least in my reading so far), that Harry and Draco as adults (and friends) might start a business together - and that it might not work out. Incredibly vivid, captivating, and rewarding. 10/10 will read again.

Like This and Like This (Dreams of Lace) by @primavera-cerezos

Harry gets an accidental peek. He can’t think of anything else.

Soft and sweet, and sizzling hot. I'm not sure I entirely buy a Harry who gets confused and clumsy to the point of losing his language when confronted with Draco's charms, but it's so much fun to read and this fic pulls it off perfectly. Draco wearing lace underwear is canon for me now.

That Old Black Magic by @bixgirl1

Centuries ago, marriage contracts were the norm — ready-made alliances between families, expected and complied with, without complaint. But norms have a way of changing, and when a long-dormant contract flares to life, Harry has to navigate an unexpected splintering of the path he'd thought would be easy after the war... with Draco Malfoy.

I'll be honest - I picked this up to see if a much-recommended author of some of this fandom's classics could sell me a trope I dislike (in this case, arranged marriage). And the answer is a loud, enthusiastic YES. Lol. I was sold on it within the first half of the first chapter. The premise is incredibly contrived, but the story built on it is so strong and compelling that I just didn't care. The pacing is phenomenal and the sex scenes are to die for. This is a whole new level of erotic prose for me; an amazing achievement, to have so little repetition, to infuse every encounter with so much energy and passion, even though it's a long story with many an encounter. It's just ridiculously good. I couldn't put it down and I'm already tempted to pick it right back up again.

I love this fandom. ❤️

[starlit1daydream]

Gordon Freeman's classpect: and why you're all wrong about it

well forgive me for the hostile-sounding title there, but as it stands i'm yet to see a single other person with this take.

the unanimous agreement for gordon's title seems to be heir of hope - which i will give credence to as making a lot of sense at face value. the heir is the class of the typical 'hero' and hope is the aspect of belief, faith, deficiation, angelic symbolism. on paper, it works perfectly for a man held in such high regard as a saviour and liberator.

but what of gordon's personality? what little of it we see, of course.

the heir of hope argument applies a classpect to gordon not as a person, but as a concept.

gordon freeman the concept is an heir of hope, for sure.

but gordon freeman, the man?

gordon freeman, the scientist who was late to his first day on the job? whose brief glimpses into his personality include blowing up a man's casserole for no clear reason and solving every problem with a crowbar?

the gordon freeman who has been jumping from trauma to trauma for twenty years under the machinations of a sinister interdimensional bureaucrat?

hear me out here.

gordon freeman is a bard of void.

now, i should probably explain my thoughts on the bard class and the void aspect before going any further, since this entire take hinges on my very specific take on both things.

in my eyes, the bard (the passive destroyer) is somebody who initially ghosts adherence to their opposing aspect, until a traumatic incident or dire crisis suddenly pushes them into an influx of their real aspect. they change their tune from passively destroying their aspect in themselves to passively destroying through their aspect. bards are capricious, unpredictable people who are often cowardly, avoidant or lazy in their ways.

the aspect of void, the antithesis of light, deals with the eldritch and the unknown. void is shadow, void is doubt and obsfucation, it is by its very nature unknowable and exists in the dark corners of one's mind. void is narrative irrelevance given (a lack of) form.

so, how does this fit into gordon freeman's narrative?

let's get into his head.

gordon freeman is a man who, prior to the black mesa incident, has lived his life adhering to knowledge and science. he's studied, got a degree, probably quite passionate about science. the statistics, the thirst for knowledge and understanding, all of this paints a picture of light.

light players are the ultimate students, as the extended zodiac says, they are the knowledge-seekers who wish to understand the world around them and comprehend the most fortuitous path better than any other.

the guy shows up late to his first day on the job. a man with more degrees than should be feasible and he can't even show up to work on time. this is the first hint of gordon being a bard, it's an incredibly lazy and capricious action that also hints at his passive destruction of light through his lack of fortune.

and it's that fateful test that changes everything - you all know the one i mean.

the one that suddenly inundates him with void. suddenly, gordon's world is unknowable, incomprehensible, he is a slave to the plot and forced to keep driving forward a narrative to which he ultimately has no say in. it's another example of the traits of a bard, who generally do seem to be reduced to narrative devices. (we see this a lot with gamzee.)

gordon is consumed among the alien and eldritch, and emerges from black mesa's ruins anew. a man whose existence is defined by contradiction, doubt, obfuscation, and everything that void stands for.

we see it again and again throughout the series. his very existence within the combine's rigidly defined, meticulous and mechanical empire defies principle. he is the anticitizen, his presence within their world is a contradiction just by his very being. he is undocumented, an anomaly that shouldn't be. and that scares the shit out of them.

and it should! because, as a bard of void should, gordon destroys their empire through void. his very existence is enough to spark the revolution (which in itself is tied to the aspects of hope and rage) and the destruction he brings about is through his nature as the anticitizen. the contradiction, the hole in their logic. he casts doubt upon the system that they've forced into place and he does so while continually being surrounded by the eldritch and the unknown.

he does so while in servitude to the eldritch, actually. i think that g-man himself is a player of space (to be more specific, i think he is a lord) but i think that there is also a lot of void symbolism within the g-man's character and his 'employers' more specifically.

and you know what really cinches my argument?

gordon freeman, player of void, embodiment of the unknown and the obsfucation, of the silence and emptiness, of the doubt and darkness?

he never utters a single word.

i will revise this entire thing once i wake up tomorrow because it's currently 10pm for me and this is going to look incredibly lazily worded/formatted when i get up in the morning

but for now i suppose you can all take this rambling mess of uncoordinated madness and tell me how wrong i am

[artisticxlly]

Kamomedai vs Karasuno (pt. 2!)

Find pt.1 here!

Again, will be focusing more on the things I feel are important to mention here, trust me, I also just saved a ton of panels for the sake of them looking cute.

----

Okay but Sachirou almost got a touch in on a setter dump??? How fucking perceptive can you be. Kourai was also very quick to react, almost receiving it. A power couple indeed, fast as fuck.

Their height difference still manages to make me chuckle. Also, god do I love Sachirou's smug smile. When I say he looks punchable I mean it in the best way.

Oh they're menaces. They're a combined evil that I absolutely enjoy. I'm affectionately saying 'fuck them'. I love a duo of bitches.

I did an analysis on Sachirou's backstory before, but here are some added notes on further reread:

Both Sachirou and Kourai end up alone because they're both focused on their passion for volleyball. While with Kourai, we don't get the explicit reason as to why (though I'm sure that taking his mothers advice, he is just extra focused on working hard), yet it seems less... Tense.

If you're familiar with unhealthy habits, i.e. workaholic-behaviour, you kiiiind of already feel the dread as you read the chapter. You see Sachirou gaining trophies, sure, you see how hard he works, sure, but it feels dull. His price for being an extrordinary athlete is given the same amount of time as him needing to remember to eat is.

Kourai is perceptive too, he most likely picked up on how passionate Sachirou is about getting better. That makes them similar.

What differs for them is the lengths they go mentally to achieve that. Sachirou takes it a whole lot more seriously. Not in a sense of how genuine his care for the sport is, but how much it matters to him when he isn't on the absolute fastest way to improvement. It gets to a point where it's unhealthy, this need for perfection, or at the very least constant improvement to make up for the mistakes.

You can absolutely say that him dragging his knuckles across the wall is his way of punishing himself for making mistakes, but if you look at it a certain way "My serving was off today. I'd better practice some more" is already just... Not good. Having an off-day should be something that's allowed, not something that needs to be fixed or ridiculed with more practice. To me, that too feels like a punishment he's putting on himself. It's implied that he does this more, or at least it seems to me that way. This repeating thing of him being late to eat something or not feeling up for it is phew... Yikes. A slippery slope, to say the least.

That's what ends up dulling his passion for volleyball. It started as that, sure, a genuine, innocent interest. But it ended up being unhealthy with how he dealt with it. That's why he only wants to play again after Kourai insists that he could quit at any time. Only after his perspective is changed can he regain a sense of joy for it, because it became such a mental battle for him and would've ruined his self-esteem completely if he kept his ideology. So yeah, Kourai sure as hell saved him in my eyes.

It's funny seeing how shocked their other teammates are about Kourai's conversation with him, but it makes sense that only a harsh wake up call would touch Sachirou at that point.

And man, I can't help but feel that this thing implies something darker than just him giving up volleyball. I mean, if you look back, it's kind of implied that volleyball overshadowed his other, more care-free life (hence his picture getting slowly covered up by volleyball books). And so if you took away the sport that was his life... Yeah, you get what I'm trying to hint at I think.

I'm honestly really glad Kourai was there to get Sachirou to snap out of those shackles he keeps talking about. Ugh, yaoi so strong it saves itself from being doomed.

OHHH YOU MAKE ME SICK.

Ohhhh youre so sick for outright admitting if /pos

Saving the others life is a trope that I love, have I mentioned that? I don't think I have /s

You could, you know. Also just say you're not fine,, just an idea. (I'm a sucker for them learning hoe to communicate their feelings when they're not okay and you can pry that headcanon from my cold, dead hands /lh)

They look so happy, fuck my gayass lifeeeeeee

Again, yeah, the theme of overcoming insecurities pulling you down. Ughhh /pos

I LOVE Sachirou's face scrunch on the top right so much.

Asking to fight with someone has never sounded gayer in my LIFE (In German you'd say "Was sich neckt, liebt sich" > people that tease eachother love eachother).

Also aghh, will be thinking about Sachirou calling Kourai their star for a good while... You gay freaks sicken me /pos

Yeah, sooo,, those are like the thoughts I had which are NOT just internal screaming and actually had a point to them (/hj)

I hope these thoughts make sense! If you have any additional thoughts or opinions feel free to bother me about them :P

[superkooku]

Maomao's family is awesome (part 1 : the dads)

I just watched the final episode of the anime.

I loved this conclusion, as well as the series overall. That's why I want to talk about one of my favorite parts of the series. While Maomao herself is a great protagonist, I find that some characters also deserve to be talked about.

Overall, KNH's secondary cast manages to be interesting. Each character is tied to the story's central theme and are quite complex (the tertiary cast is more one-dimensional, but it's expected).

But my favorite part of the cast is Maomao's family in general. They weren't that present in the beginning and their inclusion surprised me a bit. It's a different side of Maomao that I enjoyed seeing explored.

Luomen :

Maomao's relationship with Luomen is so adorable !

It's actually great to see her (openly) care about someone for a change, instead of only poisons and medication. We see her trying to help him get customers (like when Lihaku caught a cold) and distraught to learn he was banned from the palace.

She's very grateful towards him and it's easy to see why. He's patient, understanding and very skilled. I mean, the guy could study abroad, that was considered a rare offer for the most skilled. He taught her everything and thus, it justifies her advanced knowledge.

Overall, Luomen is a sweet man who would surely be very successful if he was more business savy (could he borrow some greed from the Old lady ?). I hope his finantial situation will better itself in the future, maybe by returining in the palace.

More about him in this article I found on the net.

Lakan

Omg, I did NOT expect to like Lakan as much as I did. Initially a very mysterious character, the reader/watcher slowly gets to know more about him. He challenges our main characters in a playful way, hiding his intentions behind a smile.

Seeing how disgusted by him Maomao was, I thought he did some truly morally low act, so I was kinda weary too. But... these last episodes totally changed how I perceive him. I'm SO glad I didn't spoil myself this part of the story.

The best way I could express the difference between my initial impression and the new one is the way he sees people.

I initially thought that him seeing people as go pieces represented his manipulative side, that he saw himself as the chessmaster, playing everyone else as he pleases.

While that isn't completely false, as this talent in chess was closely tied to Lakan became such a good strategist (to him at least), it isn't showcasing any bad intention on his part. He geniuenly struggles to differentiate people's faces, it's a handicap, not an ego thing.

Ironically enough, Lakan seems to be a quite clumsy man at times. He's (almost) unbeatable in go and is very capable of coming up with complicated plans, but falls short on a lot of other things, mostly his personal life and loved ones... kinda like Maomao and her skills as an apothecary.

He even got to get around his handicap thanks to his passion for go, seeing faces as different pieces instead of blurriness. The series could've just gone with the first interpretation : "Lakan is a way better strategist than anyone else, the puppetmaster (or so he thinks)". But it didn't.

The parallels between these two are so interesting that I could make a whole rant about it. Their relationship is, ultimately, a bit tragical : Lakan, contrary to a LOT of fiction fathers, didn't die or just go to buy milk on purpose. He was forced to go. Maomao recognizes he's not that horrible either, but... it's just too late. She can't see him as a father since Luomen is the one who took care of her. A complex story behind a simple explanation.

And his relationship with Fengxian... wow ! That was touching ! I never saw Lakan getting so emotional for anything, really. He seems to sincerely love her. That made him sympathize for him even more.

Edit : got more stuff for Lakan ! I forgot when he helped Maomao to get past the guard !!! The death glare he gave at that time was really intimidating... that guard is fucked, isn't he? Getting both the strategist AND Jinshi upset is not a good thing.

Speaking of Jinshi, this little rivalry between them is, so far, very simple but efficient. Yes, the trope of the dad who hates the boyfriend is cliche, but since Lakan CAN'T take care of Maomao and can't win her love, of course he's jealous of the guy who she lets near her. And he probably also feels protective about her too.

(don't worry, dude, Maomao is not fawning over the local pretty boy 😅. She's way more into poison, sake and bezoar than Jinshi.)

It's fortunate he's not jealous of Luomen, probably because they're related and he knows how good that man is. No danger here.

I'll make a part 2 about Fengxian, the other courtesans at the Verdigris palace and some conclusion later.

Meanwhile, some pictures :

[rentalboos]

Loml - A breakdown (while I try not to break down because this song is so fucking sad)

Since Swifties continue to be blind to the truth, here's an entire lyrical breakdown for why Loml is about Matty Healy (whether I like it or not - And I do not)

Who's gonna stop us from waltzing Back into rekindled flames? If we know the steps anyway We embroidered the memories Of the time I was away Stitching, "We were just kids, babe"

-> Taylor and Matty had a bit of a will they, won't they situation since they first met in 2014 (when Taylor was 24 - "We were just kids, babe").

I said, "I don't mind, it takes time" I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed

-> "I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed" Throughout the entire album, we get the idea that Joe was her safe option, while Matty was the wild one. Fresh out the Slammer and Guilty as Sin in particular refer to how Joe started to bore her and feel like a prison, while Matty brought fresh wind and passion into her life.

In your suit and tie, in the nick of time You low-down boy, you stand up guy Holy Ghost, you told me I'm The love of your life

I'm sorry, but "you low-down boy" being a reference to London Boy is a reach, when she has explicit songs about London on the album, she's clearly not trying to code anything. Low-down simply means "mean and unfair", it goes along with her calling him a conman later on. She's saying he tricked her with false promises. Matty knew all the things she wanted from Joe but wouldn't get (mainly promises of marriage, kids, etc) and used that knowledge.

"Low-down boy" vs "stand-up guy" is a play on words - he was a low-down boy but he presented himself to her as a stand up guy.

In fact, refers to Matty coming back and telling her he'd changed a couple times, most significantly in this very song, and then again and again referenced to him "needing the drugs more" - So he hadn't changed or put her first at all.

You said I'm the love of your life About a million times

-> This goes hand in hand with what I said above - he made her false promises and then dropped her.

Who's gonna tell me the truth When you blew in with the winds of fate And told me I reformed you

-> Exactly this - Matty told her he'd grow up for her (like she had wanted in "Peter") but it didn't turn out to be true at all. He wasn't "reformed", he still abandoned her at the first sight of trouble, after insisting again and again that she "needed a brave man" (and then proceeded to play him)". She refers to his broken promises all over the album, you guys. When your impressionist paintings of Heaven Turned out to be fakes Well, you took me to hell, too And all at once, the ink bleeds A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme But I felt a hole like this Never before, and ever since

-> "A get love quick scheme".

I don't know how many of you have come out of a seven year long relationship lately, but I can only imagine how scary it was for the woman who literally wrote The Prophecy. Like she said in So Long, London, it must've felt like she wasted her youth on someone who she was never going to end up with. Matty sweeping in at the exact time, promising her security and a love to fall back to, someone who wanted her forever, must've felt like a cheat to her, like using motherlode in Sims, y'know? A get love quick scheme. But he was a conman, he didn't mean it, he ghosted her (as we know from Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.)

Note that she also explicitly says "All at once" - It was a sudden ending, not the long-drawn out goodbye she had with Joe.

If you know it in one glimpse It's legendary What we thought was for all time Was momentary

-> A seven year long relationship isn't "momentary" in any sense of the word or metaphor, by the way

Still alive, killing time at the cemetery Never quite buried

-> This clearly refers to the fact that they were never quite over each other. Peter references this - So does Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus. She waited for him for years and years, changed herself, waited for him to change, waited for the right timing, etc. Never quite buried.

You cinephile in black and white All those plot twists and dynamite Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry You said I'm the love of your life

-> More than one person can be a cinephile. As far as I know, Black & White aesthetic is a big 1975 thing. She references his suit in The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. I believe the reason she brings it up again and again, is because he uses it for his show - it's a costume. He was playing dress up for her, pretending to be reformed. It's the conman thread coming back.

"Plot twists and dynamites" refer back to him being the "wild" choice over Joe being the safe one.

I've also seen Joe truthers say the "Mr. Steal your girl" line is about Tom, but if you listen to Guilty as Sin, you'll realize he's not the only one who stole the girl. (It's not an active act of the man "stealing" her anyway, as Taylor very much has her own agency. It's an Ivy situation. His ivy grew all over her stone house with Joe - and yes, I'm sorry, I fear Ivy is about Matty Healy too. It's bascially Guilty as Sin in less horny.)

You shit talked me under the table Talking rings and talking cradles I wish I could un-recall How we almost had it all

-> Again, I see people repeatedly point these out to be clearly about Joe, when - no. If anything, we have sufficient proof that Joe avoided these topics like the pest ("I wouldn't marry me either" </3). Matty was the one who put her "ring on the finger people put wedding rings on" (and that's the closest she's come-), he's the one who made all the promises Joe wouldn't make and then broke them all within a month's time. Which leads us to the rest of this devastating bridge!

Dancing phantoms on the terrace Are they second-hand embarrassed That I can't get out of bed? Cause something counterfeit's dead It was legendary It was momentary It was unnecessary Should've let it stay buried

-> It's interesting because she brings up watching the phantoms of her and Matty a couple times, actually. In Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, she talks about watching his "Hologram", but she also says "can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses".

So yeah, obviously, this is about all his false promises finally coming to fruition. She's left with nothing but Phantoms and fake portraits of heaven. He left her. It was a momentary thing that felt too legendary to just forget it. She wishes she had left it stayed buried and never found out (You could even say... regretting him was like wishing she never found out that love could be that strong...)

Oh, what a valiant roar What a bland goodbye The coward claimed he was a lion I'm combing through the braids of lies "I'll never leave" ... "Never mind"

-> "What a valiant roar / The coward claimed he was a lion" So people aren't going to like this, but this directly references The Black Dog.

"You said I needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him, until I believed it too // Tail between your legs, you're leaving."

(yes, this song is also about Matty, yes, I'm probably going to break that one down too, because Swifties are even more infuriatingly determined not to see it when it's even MORE obivous).

It could not be made more clear from these lyrics - The person in both songs LEFT HER. If you listen to So long, London, How did it end and You're losing me, you'll find that SHE left Joe. Moreso, their relationship ending was a brutally slow, painful death, while this is a sudden abandoning (Or "desertion" as she so beautifully put it) that she's describing in virtually every song about Matty. Down Bad, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived, My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys, TTPD, Fortnight, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire Your arson's match your somber eyes And I'll still see it until I die You're the loss of my life

-> He's the arsonist. She's saying it very clearly. He burned all their mutual dreams down ("The magic/tragic fabric of our dreaming").

And for all the people who don't understand why she'd attribute the "loss of her life" to Matty instead of Joe: Not only did she wait for this man her whole life, and in the back of her mind always thought she'd one day fall back with him, he also played a large part in her feeling trapped by her relationship with Joe and feeling safe enough to leave it. She jumped right from that relationship to Matty, then lost both in the span of a month. That's a gigantic loss for her.

She lost the Peter to her Wendy (We know, by now, that Cardigan wasn't all that fictional, right?) and the man she decided to settle for instead ("Better safe than starry-eyed"). She lost all the promises he made her of everything she ever wanted. She lost all the prospects for her future that she thought she had with Joe, then thought she had with Matty, in the blink of an eye. He gave her hope than took it away.

With that context, relisten to The Prophecy. It's so fucking heartbreaking. (Thank fuck for Travis man). I genuinely, truly, think that Taylor did a very intentional, meaningful thing, where the only songs *directly* about and at Joe are So Long, London and How Did It End (aka both track 5 songs).

[tiredassmage]

17, 28 and 39 from fifty (more) rook questions?

Tysm!!! I'll use a cut for these since they're from the more spoilery-edition!

[50 (more) questions for rook (spoilers!)]

17. Any companions they don't get along with? How does Rook navigate this?

While they still work efficiently together and Tyr's not the type to turn his back on any of his team without a damned good reason, I think he and Emmrich simply... have such differing views on much of necromancy, and different associations with magic, that they... coexist, but Tyr's understanding of the Nevarran customs Emmrich finds commonplace are something Tyr simply has to respectfully agree to disagree with. Arguably, magic in general is something he has a tepid grasp and relationship with altogether, having grown up in a military family in Tevinter with no magical talents to speak of himself or in his immediate family, and with the nuisance and threat of the Venatori always lurking in the shadows, to boot. It's not his area of expertise and never will be, so he generally tries to keep his nose out of it... as well as he can, at least.

So there's a lot he doesn't quite... get about their resident necromancer, but Emmrich's passion for his work is clear and that is something Tyr carries some amount of respect for, even if he's... not quite certain of his feelings about the work itself, lol. And that's how he tries to approach the professor; Tyr's honest that he doesn't understand a lot of it, sometimes to Emmrich's disappointment, perhaps, but he'll let the man speak on his own views and sometimes he still learns a little something. For Tyr, being dishonest or brushing over the oddity of it all to him would be a disrespect when Emmrich does ask for his thoughts, and that kind of thing doesn't build good trust in a team that's supposed to be able to count on one another in such impossible odds.

28. What does Rook think of Dorian?

Somewhat amusingly given his relationship with Emmrich, I guess, is Tyr doesn't know the glass-canon necromancer Dorian was for my Inquisitor, lol! What he does know, however, is Dorian Pavus speaks his mind, and very little's going to change that unless Pavus wishes it so. And, especially as a fellow Shadow Dragon, that kind of trait is worth its weight in gold. Not all Magisters want better change for Tevinter, nor do all or even many of that number agree what "better" should be defined as, and while Tyr won't claim to place his entire faith in the systems of authority, neither would Dorian. And at the end of the day, the Shadows are deeply important to Tyr, so any true friend of the Shadows may well be a friend to him - certainly at least a respected ally.

39. What's it been like, living in the Lighthouse?

In a word? Odd. Certainly more so in the beginning, and also... rather lonely at first, too. The emptiness of the place when it was just Harding, Neve, Varric, he thought and himself I think only added to how disorienting it all was - how large the scales of conflict were, what had really happened... I'm not sure he paused to think too long on it - thinking too far on how they were essentially living in the Fade is such... It's a lot to wrap his head around, and there's already plenty else to try and do that with, too.

It's one of the pieces of Solas's motivations I'm not sure he puzzled together, despite how important understanding that was because I think it was too much for him to think on. But it doesn't really start to feel like their own until the team is actually complete. Once the whole team is there and everyone starts to settle in, it... starts to feel more alive in a way he does understand - a way that's far more like the steady noise of life that steadily flows through Minrathous. And the Lighthouse reacts and changes with them - which would probably be equally as odd if it wasn't so reassuring. The more lived in the place feels, the more at ease Tyr is around it. It's... probably never a place he'd truly like feeling quiet. Quiet in the Lighthouse is a sound given to the unpredictability of it all, to the impossibility of the task before them.

I'm quite fond of the idea of the decoration styles being present to some in-game extent as much as simply a game option, so it truly is more reassuring for Tyr once the green flickers of Veilfire are a bit more reminiscent of the red glow of Tevinter lights.

Minrathous may be a busted city, corrupt and petty, and Tevinter's bloody history little to be proud of, true... but it was always home. And it's just... more grounding that the place looks more like the team's, with their own clutter and lives reflected around its halls, than an empty temple to a past that's led them to the greatest fight of their lives.

It becomes familiar, as all things may with time, but it definitely wouldn't be the home it does manage to become without the influence of his team and their support. I don't think he likes to spend much time in his room alone - reminds him too much of Solas in his head, even once he has a few more personal touches in the room to sort of offset that. Though, perhaps ironically, I think he does prefer the music room. Its perhaps the one nice thing Solas left behind that Tyr makes use of - he was always fond of playing piano, a skill picked up in his youth, and his preferred spot to be alone with his thoughts, if he must. Its better with the music to keep him company - and perhaps the odd wisp or two that tails him from time to time from Neve's study.

[noahsbookhoard]

📚January 2025 Book Review (Part 2/2)📚

January is the month I've read the most comics and graphic novels since... middle school and my manga phase maybe? And I like it, I might read more of them this year

Part 1 here

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez

What did I just read?

This was recommended to me by a book club friend, I had heard of it but never read it and she told me how much she loved thi book, how it inspired Disney's Encanto, that it wasn't as depressing as the title made it seems etc... Well she and I haven't read the same book because that wasn't what I was expecting from her description.

Nonetheless it was interesting: we follow 5 generations of the same family in their small village far in the jungle, with their struggle, their conflits, their violence sometimes. They live through natural disasters, revolutions, war, technological progress and political changes. And that's not mentioning how cruel the family members can setimes be with one another, they ruin each other's life, they rest their legacy apart, and yet somehow it always remains enough to be mended, rebuilt. They might leave but somehow they always come back home to Macondo.

I don't share my friends enthusiasm but It's a classic and I'm glad I read it.

Les serres sous le velours noir by Charlène Ferlay

Okay, I know, I thought the same thing when I saw that cover but hear me out!

Man that book is a banger. I would never have picked it up on coverart and backcover summary alone:

In a Renaissance Italy-like setting in which The Goddess and her Angels and Archangel intervene in every aspects of life, Francesca Sebastiani is coming to the merchant City of Alba. There, she must obey her father's orders, to marry a merchant from lower social class as hers and to find her brother Taddeo, whom she hates, to convince him to take his place as the family's heir, but all she wants is to find the murderer of Iacopo, her other brother.

... and I would have missed what will very probably be on my top 10 for this year. This is something of a historical fiction, something of a fantasy novel, something of a thriller and just a truly amazing story.

Francesca, our main character would be absolutely unsufferable as a real human being but as a character she felt even more relatable because she's so bitchy: she is a noble woman, recently widowed, who just lost her beloved older brother, and whose father wants to marry below her. And she is SO MAD about it. She looks down on anyone who isn't a patrician, she falls in love with all the wrong people, she accuses every one that upset her even a little of the horrible murder... It was a tight balance because a character like this could have been very annoying but her aspirations, her anger, her doubts but mostly her love and passion were driving and made me empathise with her a lot.

I loved the setting: it looks like a quite well researched Renaissance Italy: architecture, art and clothings are vivid and anchor us in the period but the fantasy setting allows the author to twist it out and add 1) badass angels and 2) so much homoerotic tension it's bursting out of the pages.

The plot itself is full of tension and I had to force myself to pause it because I wanted to make it last, but wow that was hard! The investigation is very well handled and the climax of it felt so satisfying! The romance subplot was compelling but never took too much place in the story but it adds so much stakes, it works great!

It came out on December last year and isn't available in English but if you read French go read this one, you won't regret it I swear.

What Manner of Man by St John Starling

These Deathless Bones by Cassandra Khaw

This is technically my second reading but this time was the revised edition and I can't believe it could get better, yet it did!

Father Victor Ardelian has been sent to St Silvan's Head Island for an exorcism, however as he spent more time with his host and the object of his investigation, Lost Alistair Vane, his duty as a priest and his own feeling start to tear at him.

This is an epistolary novel and I loved having Victor's voice with his restrain and propriety slowly sliping as his feeling changes. Also it was funny to see the dates disappear of the dairy and the letters to his sister become rarer the more he got entangled with Lord Vane, every little elements surrounding the text itself worked to create this atmosphere and this feeling of a man slowly losing his purpose.

The eroticism was even better for all the loops Father A was jumping through to not have to say it (both 1950's sensibility and priestly ones). Victor's struggle with his identity and his eventual acceptance were very satisfying.

That answer one question for me: I like queer romance and ask a new one: why is Catholicism so dramatic?

Anyway, the next project of @stjohnstarling is Frankenstein inspired and I can't wait to see how it goes!

Short but impactful: The relationship between a woman with bone magic and her bratty stepson, and how it only spiralled downward from the start.

I don't want to say too much because it would get into spoilers really quickly but it was thrilling and a little satisfying too to see the stepmother realise what is going on with the boy and put an end to it.

Escape Incel Island by Margaret Killjoy

Years ago, the government manage to trick incels into getting trapped on a deserted island and since the inmates are under heavy watch and had no outside contact except crates of weapons and supplies. Mankiller Jones and Dr Helena Morrison are sent to the island to retrieve sensitive information that the military left behind: they will have to face the inmates, uncover government secrets and one way or another, escape incel island.

This was fun, there's no big revolutionary insight on humanity to be found here, only Lord of the Flies if the boys had already hit puberty and spent all their free time on 4chan. The inmates have sort of organise and there's some good idea on what their society would look like. I loved Mankiller's point of view with her attitude and her no nonsense talk. The message about toxic masculinity isn't reallyvsubtle but if you want a nonbinary person shooting Nice GuysTM with a shotgun this is.

This story reminds me a lot of The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi: this isn't the greatest book I've ever read but damn was it cathartic!

The Lotus Empire (The Burning Kingdoms #3) by Tasha Suri

This is the third and final book in the Burning Kingdom Trilogy, and it is a great finally to of ofvmy new favorite series.

We start right after the end of book 2 (as in I had to reread the last 5 or so chapter to catch up with the story). There is everything I loved from book 1 and 2: ruthless politics, badass women, queer ships, the original fantasy empire of Parijatdvipa with its gods.

The story takes its sweet time building up but the climax was worth it. And I got to catch up with by faves! They were not doing great! We get to see more action from Rao and Bhumika in a good 2/3 of the book, which I am not complaining about.

As well as the political threat, the danger of gods and fanatic priest is ever more presents and to me felt even more frightening than in the two first books. It was to me the most interesting part of the conflict as it was a built up from the very beginning of the series and at some point the purely secular political intrigue was being repetitive. I was expecting something more dramatic for the end of the yaksa plot though.

I have one reservation and it is on some dialogues between Priya and Malini: there is a very thin line between toxic yuri and Exes With A Messy Divorce Who Have To Sit Together For Their Kid's School Gala. I'll forget it because the conclusion of their relationship was worth it.

It is a big hit for me, I need more fantasy like this.

Shubeik Lubeik by Deena Mohamed

Shubeik Lubeik means Your wish is my command: In this universe wishes are real and are a whole industry. There're laws, international decrees and classification of wishes, from class 1 to class 3. The more powerful it is, the more reliable but also the most expensive and thr more regulated.

Shorky owns a little store in Cairo, for decades he had had three class 1 wishes he had never manage to sell: this is the story of those who will finally buy those wishes. And oh those stories are sad! Nour's especially hit me, a coleguw student put of their depth, plagued by anxiety. And that's the comic's strength: the characters are so real it hurts.

The worldbuilding is so clever: some of the informations are given by the characters but everything you need to know about wishes is explained between each part in infographics, as if the readers were handed out information pamphlets. It's simple, easy to follow and I never felt like the author was explaining this stuff to me out of the story. It reinforces what the characters already pointed out and adds informations to anchor it in the universe like dates and laws and advices for wish users.

This is the kind of books that makes me want to read more comics, I loved it.

Persephone's choice by Yihan Sim

Sophie has a simple life divided between her flower shop and the care for her mother who suffers from dementia. And then one day a stranger appears out of nowhere, saying he doesn't remember anything but his name: Hades. Sophie offers her help and somehow along the way she might not want him to repay his debt to her.

(Tw for dementia, emotional abuse and child death)

I will start with my one big and only complain: this is a Swiss gruyere of a book. Like, I liked it but there's plot holes everywhere!

Why is Hades amnesiac? Is he actually even amnesiac because I can't see what he has forgotten since he knew who he was all along? Why does The Rapture of Persephone exist as a children book if he has never met and loved Persephone before? Why is Hades immortal but not Demeter? What does the underworld look like to Hades, he never answered that question? Why is Sophie so chill about discovering Greek gods are real and part of her life? Seriously she has the best adaptation skills ever: The man who just fell from the sky is the Lord of the Underworld? Yeah, but does he want tea?

Nonetheless, this was a very low stake, switch-off-your-brain-and-enjoy-the-fluff kind of read. And I usually can't switch said brain off, ever, so this is saying something.

Sophie has the most AU fanfic shop ever (affectionate): it's both a flower shop and a tea shop in which she always have enough time to offer her regulars floral tea she creates herself and make unique compositions for each bouquet. And I love that for her. The relationship with Hades is so soft, too.

Conflict is minimal, it's mostly Demeter throwing wrenches in the work, which means the romance part is entirely this fluffy thing that slowly blooms and they just do heart eyes at each other for the 200 pages of the novel.

Honestly, the mythology retelling part is the least interesting. The love story would have worked just as well with all human characters. The supernatural explanation for the pandemic was interesting but that and the epilogue is all the god and goddess did for the plot. Still it made for some comedy, including Hermes' summoning ritual and teasing on fashion sense.

The book gets a bonus point for reassuring me that Cerberus is a good boy (of course he is) and the ending wraps it all in a woolen blanket with a nice cup of tea. Ovreall very cute, so I'm willing to forget the plot holes.

If you want a cute no brainer romance, Greek mythology retelling which does not fall into dark romance you might want to try this one.

Ruined by S. Vaughn, S. W. Searle & N. Smith

Catherine's reputation has been ruined and now she must marry Andrew Davener who she barely knows to save face. He needs her money, she needs to escape: neither of them require anything else out of this marriage but they both wanted more out of life. What if they get it anyway?

Or : What If I Freaked Out About Being In Love With My Own Spouse?

That's basically it, Catherine settles in her new home and slowly warms up to her husband, they grow closer but when she feels she herself fall she panics and runs away. While she is at her parents he realise he also fell for her (no actually that moment was cute, the bewilderment on his face was priceless) and scraps his brain for a way to win her back. Ok, I am not entirely fair here, there's a little bit more to the story overall but the backbone of the romance between Catherine and Andrew is this.

The plot mostly rest on the characters having No Communication Skills Whatsoever and a dynamic of Oblivious Man in love with Contrary Woman. There would be no story if they just talked about it like adults and some of the things they did but hid form the other makes for nice revelations, but at some other occasion Catherine just seem to keep Andrew away for no reason at all! But still the ending wad satisfying, Andrew's letter was adorable and the final pages are really nice. For me and my pickiness with romance this is more than good.

However, I was disappointed with the subplots in general: there's many of them, Andrew's sister Gemma being afraid to go out in society, Catherine's maid miss Lee who wants to be seen as the talented seamstress she is, Catherine's sister and her woman lover, not to mention Andrew and Catherine's respective past... and most of them fall short. Gemma especially was frustrating: she gets no character growth! She was so sad, I wanted her to feel better and it cuts just as she was making an attempt! I understand the main focus being Andrew and Catherine but at least Gemma's story deserved closure.

I am not giving my opinion again on the Bridgerton series, no sir, but if I had to compare this comic to Julia Quinn's novel it ranks higher than even the books I really liked in the series. It shares the same tropes and structure but with more diversity in the characters and minus the heterosexual romance tropes that are absolute red flag on any real human.

I wasn't too fond of the drawing style though but it's a matter of taste and the story is good. A nice moment.

[invinciblerodent]

currently kinda chomping at the bit a little over two lines I found while re-reading my old Dragon Age fic notes that never ended up seeing the light of day-

"It is better to die thinking you were right, than to be faced with the wrongness of your actions."

and

"Andraste's Herald, Andraste's punishment."

and I hope against all hope that I didn't fucking doom myself to needing to make a fucked up decision in Veilguard the moment I decided that my (overall good, but impulsive, passionate, and somewhat naive) Inquisitor (who had just learned that he was used, lied to, and stabbed in the back by one he thought a good and respected friend)(and was a Reaver hopped up on a bucket of adrenaline) would stumble through that last Eluvian more or less blinded by pain, fear, and a murderous rage

like.... I'm sure he's calmed down quite a bit since then. he was barely 25 during Trespasser and will be like 33-34-ish during Veilguard, he's a whole-ass different person. he's been through the mental health ringer, a year(s?)-long obsessive chase, and an additional 5-6 years of mutual domesticity with the love of his life. surely what he once said in anger isn't reflective of his feelings now, and it isn't going to come back to bite him square in the ass.

like, he's a good, forgiving man. his judgements (all of which Solas was there to see) are evidence that he has an endless supply of second chances he isn't frugal with handing out. but for that, he needs to be able to think about it, and in that moment... oh, boy, in that moment, he was not thinking about it.

"I'm coming to stop you", in that moment, is such a perfectly Ray thing to say, I can't even bring myself to change it in my headcanon, but the closer release draws, the more anxious I get, and the more I hope that that moment's slip won't cost him his life.

(maybe I'll just headcanon in that it haunts him, too, that moment. not just in the "I should have ran him through while I still could" sense, but also in the "I shouldn't have said that- I don't know what would have been the right thing to say, but I shouldn't have said that" sense.)

(maybe he sometimes still lies awake at night, listening to Dorian's soft breathing beside him, and replays that moment over and over in his mind- but every time, he stops before he could say those words. as if to hope that if he thinks hard enough, if he's just clever enough, he can retroactively will into existence a line that'll stop all this madness before it would have ever began. as if coming up with the right words in the right sequence then and there could have convinced Solas to stop, step back, and let it all rot where it stands.)

(It's wishful thinking, but despite knowing that if it comes down to a choice, I know very well what he'll pick, god, do I hope he makes it through this alive.)

me @ my already-darling Rook right now-

[obsoleteozymandias]

hi its me again ^^; requesting for a twst matchup pls!!

im an introvert, usually very quiet and calm and rather hard to provoke at times. i'm easily irritated and lack patience with people who don't really think things through (though i grow warm over time as i grow tolerant in SOME cases). im very loyal and reliable as told by my friends and act similarly to a nagging aunt of sorts?? i'm rational and rather stubborn in the things i do but i relent depending on the severity of things. im also quite petty in certain cases.

i've been told it's easy to be around myself as a person, and people are really comfortable to be themselves in my presence. generally, i'm very blunt since i don't know how to phrase my words any better and some people (& even friends) at times, take the things that i say the wrong way without meaning to. i tend to get along with most people as long as they deal with the same mutual respect back. im also terribly sassy at times and tends to double down when truly necessary.

i'm rather sarcastic and tend to tease a lot out of the fun of it. it's really easy to get me flustered, especially with flirts because the first thing i'd do is laugh and try to get out of there as soon as possible 😭 i think use both my words and actions equally since i (usually) follow up with what i say. i have tendencies to be a people watcher and observe people going about their day.

i wouldn't really consider myself the most passionate or enthusiastic person either but i really enjoy listening to those who have one. really makes me happy to see people enjoy the things they do. in a sense, i like when people have the things that i lack (energy, passion etc) i just love seeing it A TON. at times, i also have trouble in wording the things that i want to say so it ends up falling flat at times. so i wouldnt say im the most persuasive person either. i tell corny jokes and i rarely give in compliments unless i think its worth it.

appearance wise, i'm about 5'4 and on the chubbier side of things. i have brown skin, really dark brown eyes and 4B black hair. i have small hands and lots of moles on my body but specifically i have 1 on each cheek. as for interests im really into anything that interests me since i get bored easily. most things that catch my attention are typology, videogames, music and gardening. im also learning to play the bass guitar as well. hope that you have a good night/day!!

Fun fact: if you send me more than one request you are automatically subscribed to my premium, wherein you get these stupid little blurbs of my thoughts before my writing. 

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Rook Hunt

Rook is almost your worst nightmare when you first meet him. He’s flirt whose passion for beauty is so overwhelming you can’t stop laughing purely to try and escape the awkwardness of the situation. 

But this man doesn’t stop once he sees the flush on your face - no no no, he’s enamoured. What a lovely color!

That changes when you snap at him - irritated by his flirting and a little more overwhelmed. And then he falls head over heels. Your feisty personality that was hidden under your shy and introvertedness is showing, and he LOVES it. 

He’s at your side, always. He’s walking around to classes with you. He’s bringing you lunch, he’s giddy whenever you chastise him or act like an aunt. 

And when you tease him back? He’s over the moon. 

He asks you out in the most over the top way, and you’re just as in love as you are flustered. 

You enjoy his passion for the world around him, and his energy. He’s so full of life and love and whether he spends his time making flirty remarks to you or intelligent predictioins about the people around you, it’s all just as fun to witness.

And you two spend quite some time watching people together.  

And for as much as he worships Vil, he adores you on another level. 

[witchthewriter]

𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒓 @brewersbundle.

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑩𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒚! Kindhearted, with a strong moral sense. He's resilient but also caring and I think you would work so well together. He isn't perfect, and of course, he comes from a life of piracy, so he's a little rough around the edges - but I think he's the most sensitive and receptive.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

He would be very respectful of you - he's the most moral out of all the male characters, and does his best to do the right thing (whilst also being a pirate)

I think Billy would see himself as tainted - as someone who doesn't deserve you. But you always think he's talking nonsense. Every time he feels like that, you take his hand and rest your forehead against his.

Whenever you walk past him and he's sitting down, he'll grab your waist and pull you to him. He loves it when you sit in his lap, and he can wrap his arms around you. Holding you close. Holding you tight.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

The Train by James Newton Howard

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔 

Character (Billy) That Doesn't Believe The Other (You) Could Ever Love Them Back But You Do

”I love you, wholeheartedly.” x “You shouldn’t, I don’t deserve it.”

The Sun (Billy) and the Moon (You)

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

He loves your empathy. You show him how to be a better man all the time. He realises that he can change for the better, rather than being vengeful or set in his ways.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅  

Max! Oh, you two would have a very emotionally open friendship. She would come to you when things get rough, and you would do the same with her. You both give great advice and it's a really powerful friendship.

𝐕𝐈𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑩𝒋𝒐𝒓𝒏! This is really difficult because you've only watched up until season 3, but without spoiling anything, just know that Bjorn becomes a mighty and well-known man. I think you two would get along, but buttheads at first. He would find you so intriguing, and interesting.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Wanted to get married quite quickly. It was you who wanted to slow down. But marrying the son of the great Ragnar Lothbrok brought a lot of pride to your family.

With Bjorn, your relationship is filled with banter and laughter. He's a bit of a tease - likes to poke good-hearted fun at you. He never says anything mean though. Because he knows you'll say something 10x meaner back.

It is a real Viking tradition to gift the bride a kitten on their wedding day in order for her to be able to set up her new household. (I'm 100% serious). And they're large fluffy ones too. You named yours after the goddess Freyja. Cats are a part of the deity's identity.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Lay All Your Love On Me by Pale Honey

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔 

Confident & Flirty (Bjorn) x Has Never Been Flirted With Before, Thinks They're Just Being Nice (You)

Places His Wife Above Everyone

 “Shut Up” x “Make Me”

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Bjorn loves that you're true to yourself. You have your opinions and stand firm in them. No matter how hard life gets, you do not yield.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅  

Would be Floki and Helga! You love this couple so much and whenever you visit them, they welcome you with open arms. Helga especially. You're the main person she really opens up to.

𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐂

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓! Although he's a pirate, he has morals and standards that he keeps to. What really got to me was when you wrote, 'just doing my best to be a better me,' which is very telling about a person. I've actually not once had someone say that when describing themselves. So, this tells me that you too have standards in life that you keep to - you have opinions and passions and that's why I think Will would be best suited to you.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

He's actually very intuitive, and would pick up on everyone else falling in love with you - but not that you had fallen for him.

Will knows when you're tired, hungry, and when you feel down. He's a very loving partner and doesn't want you to experience anything awful, so he does everything in his power to protect you (although you tell him time and time again that you can protect yourself)

Knows that you love books and a lot of his plunder includes just that. (Because I have a feeling that you'd both be pirates and run this armada together. But it's more of a Robin Hood type thing...)

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Dance of the Druids by Bear McCreary

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔 

Everyone else can see it but them

More Alike Than Different

Two Damaged People Swearing To Protect Each Other No Matter What

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Will absolutely loves that you're friendly but can switch up on a person if they treat you the wrong way. You know your worth, and that you're trying to be the best version of yourself.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅  

Tia Dalma and Jack Sparrow! I know that may seem intimidating, but you and Jack would hit it off, right from the beginning. And with Tia Dalma, you become so fascinated by everything she knows. I think you would just want to stay and learn from her.

[ouroboros-hideout]

Time to go to Rewe and stock up on groceries for the house of Baddieghest! Shopping list: — 1 kg of Po-ta-toes — Aon — 1 Avocado — Aon as well — 100 soft dark Tomatoes — Vlad (don't buy, just throw at him) — 1 Lemon — each of them (since a certain oversized gollum stole all of them) If your credit balance is too low for the purchase, call mom Jago!

Time to make some salad of the things our circus director brought to the house. Italy won't get anything of it tho. She would only complain about it anyway bc there are potatos in it. Absolutely no taste.

AON

🥔 [POTATO] What do they have that others see as a flaw, but they don't care about?

Maybe her bossy attitude of “You can't tell me shit” and her tone in general. She can be very compassionate, but she's always walking a fine line between “okay, I'm being really nice and empathetic this time" or "lol get your shit together and stop whining.” But it's always been her way of saying what she thinks rather than wrapping the person she's talking to in a blanket just to create a sense of fake comfort. She's been through way too much shit in her life to care who she might offend or not. Deal with it, or get lost.

🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

I think the thing you can blame her most for is her work. It's not exactly a respectable job, manufacturing war machines and weapons, but it fills her with pride when she completes a big project. Building machines is her passion. That particular type of machine maybe wouldn't have been her first choice, but having already learned a lot about it while studying at SovOil, she stuck with it during her time with the Nomads and refined her skills. After all, it's lucrative because the world is just a rotten place and she has to look after her people. Is it reprehensible that people are being killed with the weapons she makes? Sure. But if it's not her weapon, then it's someone else's. Maybe she’s too pessimistic to think that anything in this society would change anymore. In a sense of: I could make this world a better place if I instead would do xy.”  

🍋 [LEMON] What is their kryptonite/ultimate weakness?

People she loves and cares about. She’s really protective for her found-family, especially for those she knows are no fighters or would struggle to defend themselves in a dangerous situation. She’s not overly protective of the ones she knows can handle themselves, like Kurt for example, but that doesn't mean you couldn’t do a lot of damage to her if something happens to him or any other person that’s close to her. 

VLAD

🍅 [TOMATO] How misunderstood is your OC? In-universe or IRL.

Misunderstood in the sense that it's hard to believe that there's still something human/empathetic in him that just can't come to the surface anymore and that's quite an inner struggle for him sometimes. Like: fighting the beast inside and knowing that you're gonna lose anyway. So of course everyone sees him as the cold-blooded bastard with the psycho mindset because that's the only thing that comes to the outside. That's why he's not really misunderstood, but there would certainly be an opportunity to understand him on a different level if someone had the chance to delve deeper into this man's mind. Though there is no way to repair the damage that’s done so it only would be a thing to satisfy curiosity instead of trying to fix something. 

🍋 [LEMON] What is their kryptonite/ultimate weakness?

Could be two things. One is his physical weakness, one is his mental weakness. Physically his artificial heart. Like in a natural body it’s the core of his whole system and if it fails everything else shuts down as well. He surely would have a bigger time window until all the other inner modifications of his body stop working completely but if you really want to take him out the best way would be to rip that thing out of his chest. 

On a psychological level it’s when he’s “getting aware of his condition”. He sometimes has very rare and short moments of clarity, where he knows that something is wrong inside his head. Those moments are triggered by strong emotions both positive and negative and affects him like “a glitch in his system”. He gets more careless, confused or even has a short blackout. Surely could be something that can be used against him, tho it is a bit of a gamble to trigger such a moment on purpose. 

[thebroccolination]

Hi I watched Enchanté because of this thread of yours https://x.com/hadakanomind/status/1571447042165149696?s=61&t=3Iphv9v3mu5kk7BVikT_Ow do you have plans on updating this thread seeing as Be My Favorite isn’t in it?

Hi there! Aww, I'm so happy you watched something based on my recommendations! Thank you for telling me. :')

So I have a new list that I'm keeping on my pinned post.

As of now, my top fifteen looks like this (beware my long, rambling commentary on all of them):

Be My Favorite (2023) 🔮 High quality across the board from the script (which bears almost no resemblance to Jittirain's novella, and the director Waa took his time with it and even asked GMMTV for an extension so he could make sure it was as good as it could be) to the directing to the acting, music (leitmotifs!!! MULTIPLE LEITMOTIFS!!!), cinematography (the LIGHTING in some of these scenes), just. It's all so, so good. KawiPi mean so much to me, I flew to Thailand for the first time to see the series finale. This one's gonna be really tough to beat. It skyrocketed to the top of my list by the eighth episode, and my top three had been pretty solid for the past three years. Director Waa called it the production he's proudest of, and he directed The Gift. Krist also said it's his second-favorite series he's done after SOTUS (which, lbr, is going to be his favorite series forever, no one loves SOTUS more than Krist, and speaking of which––)

The SOTUS Trifecta (2016-2018) ⚙️ It's funny. I thought UWMA was my top series from 2020 until 2023, but as I got further into BMF and it threatened SOTUS as my #2, I couldn't knock SOTUS down to #3. So UWMA went from #1 to #3 in a day just because BMF and SOTUS are that powerful. I fully expect Ex-Morning to give me another crisis, and it may even take BMF out. Exes-to-lovers is a platinum level trope, and it's sanctioned RPF based on their lives so. But yeah, SOTUS is my baby. I rewatched it three or four times last year. It just gets warmer and cozier in my heart as time goes on. <3

Until We Meet Again (2019) 🧶 I'm really and truly grateful this was my first Thai BL series. I started watching when the penultimate episode had just aired, so I got to experience that last little stretch live! It's where I found BounPrem and WinTeam and the pandemic was much, much easier than it would have been if I hadn't had that online fandom experience to soften all the solitude and fear. It's also just a really great series. <3

Triage (2022) 🚑 DBK was my #3 since I saw it in 2020, then Triage pulled a BMF and stormed up my whole list as I watched it live in summer of 2022. It couldn't quite take out UWMA or SOTUS, but juuust based on its plot being stronger than DBK, it took the #3 spot. Time stuff, man, I fuckin' love it. <3 And it gave me SingGap! One of my favorite couples to this day. Top five, easy.

Dark Blue Kiss (2019) 🐻‍❄️ PETEKAOOOO. SUNMOOOORK. I have such immense fondness for this series, I'll defend it with my life. Does it have flaws? NOPE. Not a single one. Not that one. Nope, not even that one. Everything is perfect, don't touch my baby, thank you. <3 (Non deserved a redemption arc, but that's not a flaw either.)

Between Us (2022) 🥦 The series that made New my eternal nemesis! I tried so very hard to be optimistic about this series as it was airing. We'd waited two years for it, we expected the best, and it just…under-delivered in almost every way. New shot himself in the foot claiming the novel didn't have enough material for a full series and then not using huge, massive chunks of the novel. And…changed Team's backstory? The big traumatic thing that's at the core of the whole story? It's at #6 because of BounPrem and WinTeam. Their storyline was fantastic, and BounPrem did their absolute best with it, but by god it should have been better. I don't know why. I've kind of made my peace with it by now, but I don't watch most of New's series anymore, and after Revamp, I'm not interested. Whatever passion he had when he directed UWMA was probably taken out of him by trying to be CEO and sole director at Studio Wabi Sabi, and Between Us suffered immensely for it. He should have given it to someone else, because BounPrem deserved better.

Something in My Room (2022) 🎭 I'm so happy Supanut has I'm the Most Beautiful Count. He's really deserved such a prominent spotlight. I genuinely think Supanut's one of the industry's strongest actors, and his performance in SIMR really cemented that for me. Spoilers in the following link, but this scene is still my favorite acting moment in any BL series. SIMR is suuuper underrated.

Cherry Magic (2023) 🍒 TAYNEW REUNITED. No flaws. Love me some TayNew being sappy and adorable. God I love them. They're not allowed to separate ever again. I'm sorry to them. I make the rules.

Not Me (2021) 🏍️ Not Me could've been at the top of my list easily if they'd had the script editors they needed. I fully, very seriously believe Not Me could have been, like, world famous. I was recommending it to Non-BL Fan Friends in the first six episodes. And then it fell apart narratively. It's still incredibly ambitious, and I think Nuchy did all she could have possibly done with what resources she had, and Thailand is a difficult country to make Anti-Government stories in, so that's why I'll always have profound respect for it. It fell short because it was failed, not because they failed.

Manner of Death (2020) 🔫 Also flawless. Idiot dead people doctor is horny and reckless, and his hot man is cock-stupid and hot. Perfect series, no notes. Cutest side couple in history.

Bake Me Please (2023) 🍰 LISTEN. It's simple and sweet and Guide is adorable and I want Ohm back in BL full time, thank you for attending my TED Talk.

I Feel You Linger in the Air (2023) ⏳ I love them. :') I enjoyed myself immensely. TIME STUFF.

The Eclipse (2022) 🌗 FirstKhao did great. Ayan and Akk are lovely. The story itself is kind of a mess, and I didn't feel much of anything for any of the other characters good or bad, but I had a great time and I'd rewatch it someday.

Cutie Pie (2022) 💍 ZeeNuNew are great. This used to be waaay higher on my list, so maybe I just need to rewatch it to remember how much I love it. Cutie Pie is one of the only series I watched weekly as it aired. And didn't touch my phone the entire episode. This was pure joy for me. Established relationship shenanigans? THAT IS MY WHOLE THING. ………Yeah, I don't know why I have this so low. I need to reevaluate this whole list. My confidence in my system is shaken.

He’s Coming to Me (2018) 👻 Singto the Cute Ghost is legendary. Long live the Cute Ghost Singto. This series is truly underrated. Like, not as much as SIMR, but it deserves more love. Singto's such a gem.