#i'm just saying. i recommend doing your own research every so often instead of just taking every outrage post at face value

[duskittycat]

i'm convinced that everyone freaking out about discord's new clips feature all have zero reading comprehension or something. it's literally the same thing as someone else recording their discord call

[fatal-blow]

Self-Massage and Myofascial Pain: Do You Have Low Back Pain?

"Doesn't everyone?" you say. No, actually. Yeah, I find the concept baffling too. However, you too could not have back pain for the low, low price of skimming this post.

The short story of all this is that I've been learning about trigger points, myofascial pain syndrome, and the science of good posture, and I've become so absolutely furious that this stuff isn't common knowledge--

(I have encountered ONE healthcare professional who knows SOME of what I know. FUCKING ONE. And myofascial pain is something that Every Single Human Person has experienced.)

--that I'm making little self-diagnosing guides for common pain patterns based on my own experience as well as The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook, which is now my fucking bible.

Common concerns:

"I'm pretty sure it's just my fibromyalgia." Fibromyalgia and myofascial pain have tons of overlap, so I recommend looking into this regardless!

"I do have pain, but it's carpal tunnel/stomach ulcer/tendonitis/arthritis." Myofascial pain is frequently misdiagnosed, and the treatment for it is easy and unintrusive. Even if the problem isn't myofascial, practicing myofascial release can help relieve muscles associated with these conditions.

"Will I hurt myself?" Probably not*. Self-massage can cause bruising if you're a little enthusiastic, like myself, but you won't cause long term damage. Maintaining focus and avoiding pulses are your only concerns, and they are mild.

*Some health conditions can make self-massage a bit dicey. I recommend a little research beforehand if youre worried.

"What does myofascial pain feel like?" A lot of things, to put it simply. Some signs of myofascial pain that I've come across are: areas that feel like bruises with no actual bruising, skin sensitivity (if you get pain from, say, running your hand over it in the shower), an assortment of symptoms from various things that seem unrelated, pain that doesn't go away with rest, pain with no clear cause, and more.

"Do I need massage though? Shouldn't I rest?" You also should rest, yeah, but here's the thing. Myofascial pain can be Instantly Relieved with self-massage. So why wait?

Furthermore, trigger points, the cause of these pains, don't always go away with rest. They can create positive feedback loops. If untreated, more trigger points can crop up, and the pain gets worse and spreads. Targetted massage can break that loop.

"Dude, I'm concerned by how much of a conspiracy theory this sounds like." Brother me too. Miracle cures aren't a thing, but stumbling across this information sure has felt like one, given I feel better than I have in years. Just...hear me out on this one. It won't harm you to try these techniques.

"What even ARE trigger points? What's myofascial pain syndrome??"

That's a long answer that I'll need to save for another post. You don't need to know what it is or how it works, though. Just how to treat it.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional at anything except for being in pain, and constantly weaseling out ways to not be in pain. All this information can, more or less, be found in The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook by Claire and Amber Davies. I'm just organizing it into a more accessible guide for myself and others.

--

I have low back pain, and my feet, knees, and hips also hurt. I might also have widespread pain in general.

This combination of symptoms is often tied to postural issues, and usually it's Morton's Foot (not to be confused with Morton's Neuroma).

One in four people have this quirk in their anatomy. The short of it is that the foot distributes your body weight across two points instead of three--which can leave you feeling off balance.

Mortons Foot can cause widespread pain. If you have other conditions such as hypermobile joints or anxiety, watch out!

Go to www.mortonsfoot.com. They'll explain it better than I can. I can also tell you they're legit; I bought insoles from them and boy do they Work.

Other symptoms: sensitive feet, frequent sprains/rolling of ankle, bad posture, unusual worn spots in footwear.

--

The pain is in a horizontal band across my back.

The nature of trigger points is that referred pain patterns can seem nonsensical. A horizontal band of pain ANYWHERE in the back, not just the low back, can be caused by the abdominal muscles.

Can be caused by slouching, improper lifting, and overworking abs with exercises like sit ups.

Associated with the pain in your back after a hard day of work. This is the source of the "back breaking" in back breaking labour.

Massage Tips:

Do this lying down. Prop your head and shoulders on a couple pillows. Make sure you're warm, cozy, and comfy.

Lower abs should be massaged with fingertips, using your other hand to support them. Use your middle three fingers and begin by searching for tender points. Focus on the central muscle. Raise your head or legs to feel them contract.

If you find a tender point (and I do mean tender. If you're not familiar with pain, you might become concerned. Don't be--your body and mind are made so that you won't hurt yourself doing this) hang out and get to know that muscle. Seek out the spot that hurts the most.

Abdominal muscles go lower than you think. Get your fingers right down in the pelvis. Root around in there like a boar roots around for truffles.

Once you've got your guy, use short strokes from one end of the point to the other. Pain is subjective, but your goal is not to be in agony. Each stroke should cause a sensation right before you would classify it as pain. If you're grimacing, or tensing your muscles, ease off.

You only need 10-12 of these strokes. Search around for other tender points, do the same until you can't find anymore.

Your pain should have eased by now. If some, but not all, has disappeared, or you didn't find any success, try the other techniques in this post.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goal: To relax and soften the muscles as much as possible. Heat and other relaxation techniques will help. One session should be enough to bring some relief, but you should repeat this until you stop finding tender spots.

After massage, stand up and gently stretch out your abdominals three times.

--

The pain is on one side, possibly both, and I sit a lot.

The section above can also help chronic sitters, but this section is the meat of the issue for us. My experience with this pain is that it's sharper and more debilitating than typical low back pain. It can make it hard to walk.

Caused by...sitting a lot. Wheelchair users take note, I wouldn't be surprised if this one could help y'all out.

This one is more likely to cause limping. Do you sit with your knees up a lot? This muscle doesn't take kindly to that. You also might have trouble getting up from low seats

Be careful with this one. If it's active, it's gonna hurt like a bitch to poke around.

Massage Tips:

Like the previous massage, lie down with your shoulders and head slightly propped up. Have an extra pillow on hand.

Pick which side you're working on. Prop your knees up, and lay your knees AWAY from your chosen side. Use the pillow to lay them on.

Use the tips of your fingers, using the opposite hand to support them, for massage. You can also put your fingers back to back (make a T) to dig deeper.

Find the hip bone. You can easily start by poking around the inside of it, top to bottom. When you find tender spots, massage with short strokes. Look for the sensation that precedes pain.

You can go deeper by pressing down into the area between the hip bone and belly button. If you feel a pulse, move closer to the hip bone. If you can't get away from the pulse, or if you've found a pulsing mass, go to the hospital. Not joking on that one.

If you're have trouble finding the muscle, bring your knee towards you. It helps if you do this with resistance against the knee. You should feel the psoas muscles flex.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goal: Relax, again try not to elicit so much pain that you're tense or grimacing. If these muscles aren't the cause of your pain, you might not even be able to feel it. Sometimes, the psoas muscles are so sensitive that you can barely touch them. Even the lightest massage can help, though, and over time you'll be able to put more pressure.

After massage, gently stretch the leg on that side behind you three times. This is best done while standing. Be careful not to strain it if you are lying down.

--

Feels like, or has been diagnosed as, sciatica.

Sounds like you've got butt problems. Yup, you've got a pain in the ass. Different from Morton's Foot because the pain comes from the hips, and rarely refers all the way down to the feet.

Appropriately, your butt might be tender. Pain tends to extend across the hips, both above and below the belt line

We qualify this as low back pain, but if you put your hand overtop of the painful area it's more like back, upper hip, though that's not always the case.

Usually only one side, but can be both.

Massage tips:

Get yourself a tennis ball. If you're short enough, a doorknob will do in a pinch. If you have access to a Theracane, that's great too.

Brace against your tool of choice using a wall. Start on the outside of your hip, beneath the hip bone. Keep your knee bent and put your weight on the opposite foot. Look for tender areas and massage them out--look for the sensation that precedes pain.

You can also sit to get at your butt muscles easier.

Work all across the outside hip and all across the butt. Hell, get other areas of the lower back while you're here too. This will kill so many birds with one tennis ball.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goals: This massage is a bit tougher to control the pressure on, but fortunately the tool you're using is broad enough that it won't elicit the intense sensations that other trigger points can. The back of your hip should feel looser and more relaxed.

After massage, guide the hip through its range of motion. Don't force movement if it feels like the joint is "catching" or if pain intensifies--at worst the area should only be a bit sore afterwards.

--

Pain is a deep ache that feels like it's in the spine itself.

This pain is actually from your spine! Well, generally. A lot of muscle pain gets referred away from the problem point, but these guys are right where you expect them.

Admittedly I have less experience with this back pain, but typically pain is also accompanied by your back feeling stiff as a board. It's the pain typically associated with throwing out your back.

This pain often gets blamed on osteoarthritis, but even if you have signs of damage on xrays, sometimes it's muscular.

Fun fact: these muscles, which run along the spine and interconnect the vertebrae, are only relaxed in two positions: lying on your back, and standing up straight. So if they're tensed up when doing either, something is going on.

Massage Tips

Tennis balls and objects of similar size can help, but sometimes don't penetrate through the muscles well enough. For an extra boost of gravity, you can also lie on a bed, with your tool of choice on top of a paperback book.

Follow the pain, massage it until it feels better. Don't be afraid to dig in if you aren't getting results. The muscle here is thick.

Best practice is getting the tennis ball into the groove of your spine and just going to fucking town.

Theracane can also be used.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goal: Your hope is to see a release of tension in the back. Before and after massage, lie down with a heat pack and relax to help soften the muscles.

Don't worry too much about stretching out these muscles until you have more confidence in your body again. It's easy to overstretch and undo all the progress you've made.

--

And that's about it for lower back. I'm happy to add any clarification on these points if necessary, but please don't come into my inbox expecting me to diagnose you.

If you're a friend/mutual, though, feel free to hmu for more specific advice.

Final note: expect to need to work on these more than once, and don't be surprised if you only get relief once you've tried some or all of these. Experimentation is your best friend with myofascial pain, and even if it's not the source of your problems, it's good to gain familiarity with your body and the pain you experience.

[adhbabey]

I think it should be stated that crazy conspiracy theories, while dangerous in their own right, and is probably littered with dog whistles, that many of the people spouting out these conspiracy theories are likely experiencing delusions or hallucinations, and that cannot be stated enough.

So I highly recommend people notice the signs of whether or not someone is experiencing a delusion or break in reality, instead of immediately trying to go off on someone in this mindset.

Here are some common red flags that I notice, that sounds suspiciously like a delusion:

Fearing the government or think the government is secretly out to get them. While our governments can do horrible things to us, all in the name of national security, I see this as a red flag because its often random people in question. It's usually not someone who has done anything to warrant such fear. Just some guy in his basement or a random person online. You don't know these people, but I doubt a secret spy would be this paranoid or neurotic about something like this. It's a big red flag if they mention that the government is secretly out to get them.

That this world is a simulation or somehow fake. If this doesn't trigger you and you experience DPDR, you are a strong one. Unreality is a common trigger for many delusions. The idea that we're in a simulation or it's just like the matrix is just false information, and something spoke about for fun, like science fiction. But if someone is seriously telling you that we're all in a simulation, I'd see that as a red flag of a delusion. It's triggering, even for me.

The idea that pigeons aren't real and are drones of some kind, or that the government is planning to microchip us through vaccines or something. The idea that you're being spied on through secret cameras or that it's like you're in the truman show, or you're going to be experimented on because vaccines give you microchips.. These are all signs of paranoid delusions, and one of them is called Capgras syndrome. It is the delusion that your loved ones are all somehow replaced by imposters and it's pretty damn severe. I would take the idea that everyone is somehow spying on you, a pretty good sign that it's a delusion.

And there's so much more, but I recommend people just researching into other symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia, and be aware of what that looks like. It's important to be educated on this stuff.

And please, don't go out of your way to reality check them or to argue with them, that can often exacerbate or worsen the symptoms, sending them spiraling down into an even deeper delusional headspace. I know the idea that I'm somehow lying or delusional tends to send me into a paranoid headspace, so don't do it. Don't argue with these people, just stay away from them.

And yes, it's common that a lot these things are jokes or memes or just a part of popular science fiction culture, but be aware regardless. You don't know if someone's actually being serious or not. And whatever you do, don't call a stranger you don't know, "delusional", these are just red flags and signs, not automatic reasons that someone is experiencing a break in reality. You don't know them, so just be cautious.

And yeah, a lot of conspiracy theories are anti-semitic, or racist, or ableist, or whatever. But that doesn't cancel out the fact that many of the people in question are also likely mentally ill. It doesn't erase the fact that normal every day people are also mentally ill. Negative or problematic behavior doesn't erase the fact that someone can experience delusions. I'm not excusing that behavior, but I am saying to be more cautious and critical of the fact that half of this stuff sounds like a mental illness.

TLDR; It is important to be aware that several common conspiracy theory buzzwords are red flags of paranoid delusions, and this post lists out some of those red flags in details. Don't reality check anyone, or you could make it worse, just be cautious and disengage.

[lazyyogi]

I am relatively new to meditating (been meditating a couple times per week for a few months). Recently when I meditate (usually to a guided video about mindful breathing), it’s like my mind drifts off somewhere midway through. I start off having a lot of thoughts popping up, and then they fade out and it’s like I disappear until the video ends. It’s almost like sleeping, except I’m definitely not asleep. Sometimes I come back to myself with some kind of realization or sense of clarity, but mostly it’s like I just get dropped back into my body when the video concludes. My question is: do you know what this is? Am I messing up meditating? Am I doing some kind of extreme spacing out instead of keeping concentrated attention on my breathing? Thanks, I really enjoy your posts.

Hey friend! So glad to hear that you've been taking up the practice of meditation.

What you are describing sounds like yoga nidra, a kind of state between sleep and wakefulness. You can do some google research regarding it and see if it matches up with your own experience. While found to be helpful in some ways, yoga nidra is not the same thing as meditation.

Strictly speaking, meditation is a state of complete wakefulness. There is no drifting off or zoning out. The defining element of meditation is the application of attention. A meditation technique may require you to place your attention on a mantra, the flow of breath, the sensation of your body, a visualization, or any number of other methods.

The less technique involved, such as silent sitting without any mantras or visualizations, the more advanced the practice. I started out with mantra meditation before moving on to jangama dhyana.

My suspicion is that your experience is fairly common among those who use guided meditations as a way to relax. And if you are happy with this practice and it is providing you with the benefits you sought when starting a practice, you don't have to stop or change anything.

If you would like to experiment with a more formal meditation practice, I would recommend choosing a technique and sticking with it every day for a few weeks. You don't need to stop what you're already doing either, you can just do it as a separate practice technique.

Note: Some people feel that anything can be called meditation, that the spiritual intent is what defines something as a meditation practice. I've had people get rather upset with me for telling them that eating shrooms and sitting outside enjoying the trip isn't actually meditation. Other people often say things like "Music is my meditation," or "Cooking is my meditation." They are mistakenly using the term "meditation" to mean mindfulness or spiritual practice. It is true that any activity can be paired with mindfulness. And there are many forms of spiritual practice other than meditation. But it is important for many reasons that we do not misappropriate the term "meditation" in the context of yogic practice.

So I do hope you understand that while I am saying your current practice is not strictly meditation, I am not invalidating any beneficial experiences, realizations, or clarity you may have found as a result of your practice.

I'm happy to help you with your practice in whatever way I may. Feel free to shoot me a message with any further questions or discussion points.

Much love!

LY

[andaniellight]

Answering Ask Game for Fanfic Writers

Answering asks by beloved @neinnonay my forever indulging friend <3 <3 <3 from this post btw! Feel free to do it too if you see this :D

Q5: have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing

I sadly don't! I don't do playlist for my writing because i can't even get a solid hold of my own, which is why i think the writers who do are so impressive lmao i only do playlist for recommended songs of the pairings that i like and are suitable for them instead

Q11: what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? (also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?)

Oh! This was from a long time ago when I was working on my Witch Hat Atelier fic, 'Cascade(s)', that's unfortunately incomplete (because life happens), but I found out that "blue is a pigment that is unstable and dangerous”, and it is actually about Cobalt Blue pigment irl. Also, scientifically speaking, the safest pigment of blue is this pigment that's called YlnMn Blue / MasBlue that contains the the elements Yttrium, Indium, Manganese, and Oxygen. #TheMoreYouKnowIfYouDidNot

And, yes, I worry a lot about fact-checking because I'm the type of person who'd look up shit if I find something niche and interesting in the things I read to make sure if it's real/not. I reflect on that behavior as both a reader and a writer to clear more path for me for the plot or to make it as ornaments for the story, so it's more interesting.

Q17: what is your favorite line you've ever written?

Ough this is tricky... I'm trying to remember the most memorable ones and, uhhh. I think it's this one from The Batman fic I did in 2022: “You haven’t answered me,” Alfred says insistently, inviting Bruce back into the room, back to him. “Are you hurt, Master Wayne?”

Q35: tell us about a character who's very different than you who you love a whole lot

ngl THERE ARE PLENTYYY 😂 i think i can only talk about Luffy rn tho because of how totally different we are. i am everything that Monkey D. Luffy is not. he's genuinely the embodiment of hope that i'd often lose because of depression. I won't be able to dream so big and bravely like him. I won't be able to be brave so dauntingly like him in the first place lmao he's like. the gasoline to my fading flame that is my crushed soul... not to sound so fucking pathetic but yeah i love him with all my heart, he's the cutest and the sweetest and the dumbest yet the smartest and the most freeing character ever and i love him so much for it. even i still struggle writing about him for fics because i feel like i'm not being myself, but every second is just <3 <3 <3

Q41: what is the weirdest story idea you've ever had

Definitely this one where Daredevil and The Punisher both got turned into werewolves LMAO and i did published it on ao3! but the more i work on it, the more i realize that maybe this is never the one i want lmao sorry!!!

Q62: what's the weirdest reason you've ever shipped something?

SKSJDHKSJDFHKS does shipping Jack Frost and Hiccup back in the day counts as something? :) just because :)

Q63: what's the best insult you've ever read in a fic?

I can't answer with specifics for this one but I swear Spider-man fic writers are on God the masters for this thing. There are just SO MANY good insults by Peter Parker whenever he's being himself and all of them will never fail to crack me up I can't even pick one most favorite one.

[vorareromantic]

hey im a 17yo she/her n i kinda feel like i maybe autistic but im not sure, can u give a few telltale signs which may help? (ik a diagnosis from a professional is better but it isnt exactly an option for me rn)

hey!!

so first and foremost, autism presents differently for everybody. connecting with other autistic people can be very helpful, but you don't have access to a professional diagnosis then i would also recommend doing your own research with medical articles, the dsm, etc. and try to avoid getting information off of places such as tiktok and instagram. i'm drawing a lot from my own experiences here because that's what i know, but i just think it's important to note that my experiences are not going to be the exact same as another autistic person you may talk to about this, nor will that person's experience be the exact same as the next one.

so for me, the biggest tell-tale sign was a lack of social awareness. as a kid, i had a hard time connecting to my peers in a way that they deemed fit. i would often speak too loudly, be disruptive, and say whatever was on my mind without realizing if it was oversharing or upsetting to people. however, this can also manifest as being too shy, not speaking enough, etc. unfortunately, your peers will often pick out from a young age that there is something different about you. on a similar note, i also have a very hard time carrying conversations with other people. if i have to, still to this day, i tend to overshare or talk about things that are not socially acceptable (a big recent topic has been cannibalism). that or i'll just go quiet, i tend to not say anything if i don't see anything that i feel needs to be said unless i am extremely desperate for human connection (which, contrary to stereotypes, can happen and often does for me. i just have a hard time relaying it). i also tend to share experiences about my own life when people are talking as a way to relate to them, which is not inherently an autistic trait, but it is very common for autistic people to do.

a more well-known sign of autism is a lack of eye contact, but it can also manifest as any other form of inappropriate eye contact ratio such as too much eye contact or focusing so much on maintaining an eye contact to looking away ratio that you can't focus on what's being said.

sensory issues are also very common. for me personally this manifests in scratchy fabrics, loud noises, wet or sharp noises, and food. however, autism can also encompass a reduced sensation of pain or temperature. those things are also not mutually exclusive, i have a reduced sensation of temperature and also severe sensory issues.

many autistic people have an aversion to physical touch, but that's not always the case.

stimming is another one, a common known stim is hand flapping, but any repetitive self-soothing movement or sound can be a stim. pulling examples from my own experiences, i often tap my wrists together, rock back and forth, twirl my hair, tap my arm, tap my wrists to my legs, laryngeal whistling, etc.

a low social battery is another thing, if you seem to get worn out in social situations before your peers do, etc. i know i can typically only be around most people irl for two hours at a time before i start getting overwhelmed. for me personally when i get overwhelmed it's an instant switch. i stop masking, my voice drops an octave, i can't look up at people, i stim more, it causes my entire body to feel exhausted and sometimes takes days to recover from.

not every autistic person experiences this, but i have speech loss episodes when i get too overwhelmed. which is pretty much that i can't speak no matter how hard i try to. sometimes i can write/text instead, sometimes i can't even form what i want to say in my head enough to do that. it depends on the situation.

having a hard time switching between tasks can also be a sign of autism, as a kid i would often need buffer time between going from reading to math, etc.

another thing can be fixated interests, not to say that anyone with intense interests is autistic but for me i have always formed almost parasocial?? attachments to fictional characters and would need to have the character involved in absolutely everything that i did in order to do it. a common misconception is that a special interest has to be something like science or trains, but it can be literally anything as long as it takes up an abnormal portion of your life. personally, my fixations can last several months to several years and can frequently negatively impact my life and make me late to events/work/class, make me lose friends from talking about it too much, etc.

obviously this is not an extensive list of autistic traits or my own experiences with autism, and i would definitely recommend further research. and even if you're not able to pursue a diagnosis at this time, if you're able to talk to a doctor during an appointment to see if they think you exhibit any signs or to get more insight as to what it may look like then you should consider doing so.

if you have any questions or want to talk about specifically why you think you might have autism, feel free to send me a dm :)

[3liza]

nearly every time i seriously sit down to give a "classic" movie or book a shot i end up bored or annoyed. am i picking the wrong things or has modern media melted my brain irreparably 😥

I've talked about it here before but we have shit like tvtropes now because actual critical analysis, linguistics, and textual analysis have been stripped completely out of most public schooling. tvtropes isn't bad, that's not my criticism of it. my beef is with modern media consumers being abandoned by academics to fend for themselves and ending up having to reinvent the wheel just to discuss books and movies when we already Had a complete vocabulary and centuries of theory with which to do so, theory and vocabulary that has been advancing and becoming more nuanced and communicative the entire time. so modern civilian readers being thrown back to first principles and ending up with a ton of outdated, stale, and often just plain incorrect or incomplete theory and criticism is an act of class warfare!

ok so back to your point: a person raised in 21st century USA is going to have trouble just cracking open Shakespeare or Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and not through any fault of your own. this is what teachers are SUPPOSED to do, instead of making you hate reading through punitive exposure to Ethan Frome. a good place to start tbh is the introductions and forwards of modern printings of the books. often those are little essays or articles where someone says some smart stuff about the book that will help. another big thing is context. when you watch anime as a white American for example, it's easy to get lost because anime relies on tropes and cultural context that we just don't have. a Japanese person would likewise miss a bunch of stuff while watching the Simpsons. reading classic lit in ebook form can help with this because long pressing on unfamiliar words will bring up definitions or let you Google a term you don't recognize. but i actually don't have any recommendations for like, YouTubers who can explain literature accessibility to readers starting out. i have one rec for how to start looking at paintings which I'll post later. but the youtube media analysis i have seen so far is so terrible i would shout at these people if they said any of their ideas to me in a bar. i think the way to go would be to find actual university lectures and watch those (literally a guy in front of a classroom. there are tons of these from real colleges online for free but YouTube algo really makes them hard to find because they aren't influencers or flashy editing or anything). I'm going to have to look around and see if i can find actual links to the kind of thing I'm talking about. i can't tell people "just do slme research :)" anymore, it's like dropping someone off in a national park and saying "just look around and have fun :)" knowing full well there are bears, serial killers and abandoned pit mines everywhere.

[concerningwolves]

Hi! I'm a hearing person so I have a few questions about how to write d/Deaf characters. 1) How do I describe the difference in what someone can hear with and without their HAs? 2) Is someone who was born d/Deaf less likely to get HAs compared to someone who lost their hearing later in life? 3) Would a person who uses HAs be more likely to sign or speak when communicating with family members? I hope none of these questions are insensitive as that is in no way my intention. Thanks for the help!

Differences between sound with and without HAs

(Here’s another ask on the topic of describing from a deaf POV)

How someone hears with and without their hearing aids will vary depending on their base levels of hearing to start with. I can certainly tell you about my experiences, but you should do some further research on your own to get a richer and more nuanced understanding. YouTube is a great place to start. I always recommend Jessica Kellgren-Fozard’s videos, and there's also this short film:

Some key highlights:

0:25 - In this sequence, she orders a coffee. Note how the cashier's voice is entirely indistinct mumbling. That's exactly what it's like for me at times.

4:07 - sitting around a table when everyone is talking. The voices overlap indistinguishably into a muddy sound-soup, and reading the lips is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot.

► SOUND WITHOUT HEARING AIDS

Basic rule of thumb for describing sound without HAs is that things are much quieter. Certain sounds may seem muffled, distant, or plain old too soft to hear. I describe HA-less sound as being flat: I can sort of pick up on the sound, but it lacks depth and volume.

Some noises, such as car alarms, go in and out of my hearing range. You know when a noise is very far away, and you think you can hear it but you're not sure what, exactly, you're hearing? That's what it's like for me without HAs, except it's all sound, no matter how distant the source (and my distance range is much, much shorter).

My ability to differentiate sounds and voices is severely impaired without hearing aids, so I’m genuinely be unable to tell whether that's my mum calling from the next room, or Jeremy Vine on the radio in this room. (And I wouldn't be able to tell what either is saying). It's also much harder to tell where a sound is coming from, although this is impacted by the uneven levels of residual hearing in each ear, so mileage may vary depending on type of hearing loss.

► WITH HEARING AIDS

The baseline is: HAs make things louder. It's like glasses except for ears, meaning sound is clearer (louder) and better defined. Be sure to research the type your character might use. It’s also a good idea to understand what hearing aids actually do. Here's an article about how hearing aids work.

No two HA-users will hear things in exactly the same way, and there are compounding factors, i.e., how often someone uses the HA(s) (how accustomed they are to them), HA strength and features, and levels of hearing. Different HA models have different specifications, so things will sound slightly different through them. Some of the most powerful and high-spec HAs have a multitude of settings for everything from music, to nature, to crowded spaces, and the sound through each is different because the receiver inside the HA is focusing on different things.

The transition from "everything is quiet, muffled and uneven" to "noise is loud noise is everywhere so much noise" is a big one! When someone first gets a new HA, the audiologist usually recommends wearing it in short stints and building up endurance. I barely use my HAs since I left college, so I'm poorly adjusted to them and get overwhelmed. A character who uses HAs regularly (i.e., daily, for hours at a time, or near-constantly), would obviously notice the difference, but wouldn't focus heavily on it.

You should also consider HA feedback. When HAs work well and the wearer is adjusted to them, it's a smooth ride – until something causes feedback. When that happens, it's like having two little demons screeching in your ears. Loud noises and extreme pitch ranges can cause feedback, which may be a slight buzz or a full-on loud screech. A dog barking or a car backfiring can make my HAs buzz for a solid few seconds, and too much input (i.e., speech and music in a crowded, echoey place) will make them crackle so the sound gets distorted.

How likely is your character to use hearing aids and/or sign language?

Whether someone uses HAs and/or sign language is entirely down to personal preference. Deaf culture is about celebrating deafness without trying to live up to the standards of a hearing world. This doesn't mean nobody in Deaf culture wears HAs or implants, or that every single Deaf person uses sign language instead of verbal. It just means Deaf culture puts emphasis on the Deaf person's autonomy and right to choose without being pressed by hearing society. Therefore, many Deaf people who have been deaf since birth or an early age choose to speak sign language and forgo HAs because they find that route liberating. This isn’t the same for everyone, though.

There’s also the concept of "mainstreaming" to consider. Essentially, it's when a Deaf child is trained to fit into the Hearing world. This can include speech therapy to encourage verbal speech instead of sign language, hearing aids, cochlear implants, and attendance of a mainstream school instead of one for d/Deaf students. Many children who are Deaf from birth or a very young age get mainstreamed, usually because it is presented as a more "desirable" option. Here’s an ask answer about mainstreaming (in the context of cohclear implants).

That's not to say all parents do this, though! It's also true that many Deaf children are allowed to make their own choices. Consider your character's backstory and circumstances, and decide for yourself if they would use HAs and sign language. There's no right or wrong choice! Someone who uses HAs is still Deaf, they just choose to use an aid.

Different circumstances will colour a person's decisions about sign language use and hearing aids, however. Although there are many overlaps in the struggles faced by all HoH and deaf people, going deaf later in life is a very different experience. Those of us who are born deaf are... well, we're deaf. Plain and simple. It's a fact of our existence. But losing hearing is, as the phrase suggests, a loss. Generally speaking, most people want to rectify that loss, (and I think it's very cool modern medical technology allows that).  

Basically, there's no "wrong" way to write a Deaf character when it comes to them using HAs and sign language. The Deaf community isn't a monolith, and we all make our own choices about signing and aid usage.

Hope this helps! (^人^)

[KO-FI | ASK GUIDELINES/F.A.Q]

[oikawaplssteponme]

PART 4 | previously: part 3 | masterlist

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: swearing, mention of violence but there isn’t any

synopsis: When UA’s hot heads, Katsuki Bakugou and you, are forced to put your hatred for each other aside and plan the third year Prom, things end up getting a little heated...

a/n: hi friends!! okay so this part is a little longer but it’s important for what’s to come ;) because i just couldn’t help myself, there’s a little song reference in there, hopefully you catch it,, maybe it’s important *wink wink* anyways, taglist is open so just lmk if you’d like to be added 🖤 enjoy xx

•

Four: it’s what’s on the inside that counts

It’s been over 2 weeks since your fight with Bakugou. The two of you haven’t spoken since, leaving your classmates a bit nervous. You were stubborn and so was he. The only problem was, neither of you really remembered why you were fighting in the first place. You two fought often, that was obvious, but something about this last fight felt different. As if you and Bakugou genuinely wanted to hurt each other. In the past, it was mainly for your own satisfaction just to fight someone. You and Bakugou had disliked each other for so long that you couldn’t even think of a solid reason for why you hated him. You soon came to realize that you barely knew anything about Katsuki Bakugou...and that bothered you.

~

“LISTEN UP! Prom tickets will be on sale after school today in the common area. You can also buy them at the door but just know they’ll cost more. So I recommend you have your money ready and get in line early because I only have a certain amount for presale. Thank you that’s all!” You announced to your class. “Oh and pass this information onto the other classes please!”

You hopped down from the desk where you were standing and brushed your skirt down.

“Do you need help setting up?” asked Deku. You looked over at Bakugou, who was supposed to be helping you but since the two of you weren’t on speaking terms, that wasn’t really an option.

“Uh sure that’d be great,” you said.

“I’ll lend a hand as well,” chimed in Iida. You laughed.

“Guys all I need help with is moving a table and a few boxes,” you explained.

“We are happy to help!”

You, Deku, and Iida set up the ticket selling table. You placed the poster of the dance in front of the table. Izuku grabbed the box of tickets and looked through them.

“Y/N did you make these?” He asked. Your face got warm.

“Uh yeah, it’s not a big deal though,” you insisted.

“It’s excellent artistic work Y/N! You should be proud!” smiled Iida.

“Yeah it’s super cool!”

“Thanks guys,” you gushed. You sat down at the table and pulled out your notebook and pen.

“Alright! Who wants the honor of buying the first ticket?”

“You should, after all you planned the dance,” said Deku. You smiled.

“I guess you’re right.” You picked up the first ticket, wrote your name next to the #1 spot in your notebook, and put your money in the cash box.

“Okay. Who’s next?”

~

The line of people never seemed to end. You got in the groove of writing down their name, number, and putting away the money pretty quickly.

“Hey Momo! Uh you’re number 35,” you said to your classmate.

“Thanks, here you go!” She smiled, handing you the money.

“Y/N!!” cheered Mina, “wait is this the theme?” Mina pointed to the design on the tickets.

“Uh yeah it is,” you smiled.

“‘My Emotions Feel Like Explosions When You’re Around’,” read aloud Deku.

“I LOVE IT!! It’s super cute and honestly I would expect nothing less from you and Bakugou!”

Right. Bakugou.

“Uh yeah. I'm excited to see how it turns out once we get all the decorations.”

“Do any of you have dates yet?” asked Denki as he paid.

“Wow Denki is that your only concern?” laughed Jirou.

“I haven’t even thought about that,” said Iida.

“Planning on asking anyone?” You asked aloud.

“I am…” mumbled Deku.

“Wow Izuku wonder who?” said Kirishima sarcastically.

“Who are you gonna ask, Deku?” You asked. No one said anything. You turned around and saw all your friends staring at you.

“What…it was just a question…”

“Wait, you're like genuinely asking?” laughed Denki, “I thought it was obvious.” Deku hit Denki’s arm.

“It’s fine, it will be better if it’s a surprise anyway,” said Deku.

“Do you want someone to ask you, Y/N?” asked Sero, handing you his money. You put the cash in a box.

“I honestly don’t care. I wasn’t even planning on going to Prom before Aizawa forced me to plan it,” you admitted.

“Well we are all glad you’ll be there,” smiled Iida.

~

Your friends had all gone back to their dorms after a bit. There were still about 20 people in line for tickets and you were exhausted.

“Cafeteria closes soon dumbass,” said someone. You whipped around. You groaned.

“Well Katsuki, I’m kinda busy if you can’t tell,” you huffed.

“Go eat. I’ll finish up here,” he said. Your eyes grew.

“Wait what-”

“Go on, you only have 15 minutes before they close dinner. I've got this,” he insisted. You got up from your chair.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“It can’t be that hard if you figured it out.”

You rolled your eyes

“Whatever. Just pick up when you’re done.” You began to walk down to the cafeteria.

Two weeks of not talking to me and that’s all he has to say?

“Grabbing some dinner?” called Iida behind you. You smiled.

“Yeah , Bakugou is finishing up the ticket sale.”

“Nice. I’ll join you.”

“Thanks Iida.”

~

“Cold soba?” questioned Iida, “You never get your soba cold.” You looked down at your tray of food.

“I guess Todoroki converted me,” you joked. Iida raised a brow.

“Alright Y/N, what is it? We both know you hate cold food,” he said. You picked at your soba.

“I’m fine honestly,” you mumbled.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Bakugou, would it?” You whipped your head to look at Iida.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

“That’s more like it!” He smiled. You chuckled.

“Well would it?” He asked. You shrugged.

“I guess this whole dance is stressing me out. Bakugou and I haven’t been very productive lately ,” you admitted. Iida sighed.

“Well this might be a stretch but you could try to make peace with him.” You groaned.

“I’m not making peace with that angry pomeranian until he apologizes.”

“Why can’t you just apologize?”

“BECAUSE I-I, I don’t know. My own stupid pride I guess.”

“You two need to overcome your differences eventually. Who knows, you guys might have more in common than you think,” smiled Iida.

“You’re the worst, you know that,” you joked.

“Wait really?”

“Iida…”

~

After dinner, you laid in your dorm room, staring up at the ceiling. You knew you should get some of the planning done but you also would rather just forget about the stupid dance. After about 10 minutes of contemplating, you headed down to the basement.

As you walked down the stairs, you remembered that Bakugou still had your notebook. You went down anyway, hoping to get some work done on your laptop instead. Much to your surprise, the door was propped open. You took a deep breath and prepared yourself for what could be behind the door.

“Hey Bakugou…” your voice trailed off as you saw that no one else was in the room.

He must’ve left the door open so I wouldn’t ask him for the keys.

You set down your things and sat down on one of the tables. You pulled out your laptop.

“I figured I’d find you here,” A raspy voice said. You looked up to see none other than Katsuki Bakugou, holding your notebook.

“Oh hi. I just thought I’d get some work done,” you explained.

“How’d you get in?”

“Uh you left the door open,” you explained. Bakugou huffed. He took a seat at the same table as you, setting down your notebook.

“Here dumbass.” Bakugou threw something on you and it landed on your head.

“What the-” You grabbed the soft material off of your head. Your eyes grew.

“Katsuki-”

“You said I owed you a new shirt, so here it is,” he said. You looked at the brand new t-shirt, a smile on your face.

“Yeah well I didn’t think you’d actually buy me one…”

“I mean I did rip your other shirt pretty badly. I-uh-I’m sorry about that.” Your eyes widened.

“Did you just say you’re sorry?”

“Yeah and I’m not saying it again.” he huffed.

“Bakugou I’m sorry too,” you said. Bakugou tilted his head.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I guess for everything. Well, maybe not everything because I don’t regret kicking your ass for 3 years one bit but I am sorry for that fight the other day. I almost killed you,” you explained nervously.

“Key word ‘almost’. I guess I almost did too,” he joked. You let out a nervous chuckle.

“Here’s the thing Bakugou, I don’t know anything about you yet I hate you with every ounce of my body. I guess I want to hate you for a reason.”

“What the hell does that mean, nerd?” He questioned. Your face got warm.

“You know how they say, ‘it’s what’s on the inside that counts’? Well,I want to hate you for what’s on the inside,” you laughed. Bakugou raised a brow.

“And what about you? The only thing I know about you is that you’ve got a short temper and your shirts rip easily. I barely know you either…”

He was right. Probably the only person who knew anything remotely deep about you was Iida, and even that was still somewhat surface level. You didn’t pick UA to get too comfortable with your classmates, even if you were friends, since in the real world you would be competing for the number one Hero spot. Maybe that’s why most of them were intimidated by you.

You patted on the top of the table, hinting for Bakugou to sit with you. He groaned and joined you on the table.

“This is stupid,” he mumbled. You rolled your eyes.

“Come on just try. And just to clarify, we are doing this for research purposes only. I’m convinced by the end of this I’ll still want to rip your head off 24/7,” you said. Bakugou nodded.

“Yeah I mean not like that could change.”

“Exactly. Okay so you first. What is it that makes Katsuki Bakugou a horrible pain in my ass?” You smiled sarcastically. Bakugou chuckled quietly.

“What do you want to know, dumbass?”

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @bokutory @complimentaryhugsgirl @cloudswritings @kriswu46 @neodnyl @evivn1 @jazzylove @mileven-reddie @whalerus @misssugarless @random-fandom-girl-24 @fanfiction-and-stress @ushiwakatrash @minhoswife @addictofsupernatural @the-shota-king-masayuki @freyafolkvangr @fourteenow @tamaguchi @lalayy @athenarosaline @blxck-coffee @katsukibabe @thatonegeekchick ]

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

.

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

.

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

.

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

.

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

[bumbershots]

Mistletoe & Wine

A/N: Hello this is my collaboration for @goldenbluesuit very well put together Christmas song fic challenge. It’s my first time participating and my first time posting my writing here as well (I’m sort of new, I have no friends) so, I’m kind of nervous and English is not my first language (sorry for any mistakes) thanks to my boyfriend for being a Brit so he could help me with the “slang” and for reading this about fifteen times and listened to Mistletoe and Wine by Cliff Richard throughout the entire week with me lol. Thanks for  taking the time to read this :) If you want to befriend a twenty six year old Aries, or just send me an ask click here.

Word count: 2.8k

Summary: Harry meets a woman that is not here to stay, he will need to decide if that will keep him from making the most of the very few days they have together or dread the imminent separation.

It was raining when her flight landed in London. The kind of rain that doesn't pour heavily, instead it settles over the city for days. And although she can't afford to take a cab, she steps out of the airport just to stare at the endless grey of the sky and wrap herself in her coat because of how cold it was. After a few more minutes she goes back inside to find the way to get out of there on the tube, she knew it to be possible after all the research she's been doing since the age of twelve on the internet.

Soon enough, the man she approached to ask for help, confirms that a train is leaving in a few minutes and she can easily get off at Hammersmith, he even helps her buy the ticket and recommends to get an oyster card if she is going to use London's Underground often. But she doesn't know, she relishes in the element of surprise that is surrounding her life for the next 3 weeks. It excites her to an unfamiliar degree to see people come and go into the carriage, it almost makes her miss her stop, but she manages to get off just in time, her hands clutching the heavy suitcase that contains all her nicest and warmest clothes. She follows the crowd up the stairs and out of the station, the busy street revealed before her is straight out of those books she restlessly studied at school, people wearing trench coats and long scarfs hurry in hopes to avoid the rain and then a red double-decker bus passes by. The cherry on top.

The spontaneous decision to spend Christmas in England instead of her home country was made months ago, on the night of her birthday, although her closest friends would say that she's been dreaming of it since she read Harry Potter. No one gave her a hard time for it, in fact, almost all her friends and family members went to the airport to wish her a safe trip. Her grandmother was cheeky enough to slip a twenty pound note when hugging her goodbye.

Every day of the first week went by in a blur, visiting museums, galleries and walking around the city, getting soaked in its beauty and the endless rain. By the beginning of the second week, a bit tired of the scarce options from the hotel's breakfast, she ventured out, burying half of her face in the scarf she bought the day before at Primark, her feet guiding her almost out of instinct to the little cafe at the end of Hercules road. The place is warm and the menu seems to have it all for a very fair price. After a couple of minutes the Full English wins, she iterates the order to the woman behind the counter and adds a cup of tea handing over the money.

"Get a seat love, I'll bring it over." The elder lady says making the girl smile and thank her before scampering across the room to sit by the window at the four seat table tucked in the corner.

It doesn't take long for her food to arrive and for her to dig in, feeling kind of full almost at the end, she slows down then, a trick her father passed down on her. Let it settle in for a few minutes before going back at it. Works every time. She gets lost on the daily life happening before her eyes, the people walking by, some in a rush maybe to get to work, others in a rush to get to the shops early and buy presents. She could easily tell the difference between one and other. The elderly couple walking to the market, slower than anybody else, arms linked and without a care in the world. A girl around her age doing "the walk of shame" elicited a smirk on her lips. Good for her.

"Do you mind if I take a seat?" She almost missed the question by the stranger standing there. "There's no empty seats elsewhere I'm afraid, I won't bother you." He was right, in the span of thirty minutes the place was full to the brim with families, the three seats at her table the only ones free so, she nodded and even managed to smile in a friendly way. Unfortunately for her, the green eyed stranger did the same, a sweet dimple on his left cheek more prominent than on the right one and she had to eat a spoonful of beans in an attempt to hide her blush.

Two weeks in the country, almost two weeks, and the best looking man on it decides to show up on a greasy spoon cafe when she's eating what's left of her sausages and beans. His food is delivered by the same lady from earlier, of course it is something that looks healthy. The sudden need to fly away from the place pops in her head, it's not a bad one, he doesn't even know her name. She wants to know his. She remembers how he said he wouldn't bother her, it's almost disappointing, she wants to be bothered.

The situation seems to be straight out of a rom-com, she is cutting the banger in little pieces, as if the formula to spark conversation with the mystery guy keeping her company is hidden in them. But after five minutes she sighs quietly, knowing that her own shyness won't let her even glance at him again. She will have to do her best to remember him and observe from the corner of her eye until the last piece of minced pork is consumed by her. And maybe she will gush about how gorgeous he was with her friends once she is back home, describing his shiny emerald eyes for them, sharing a sigh when she recalls how dreamy his accent was and squeal upon the memory of his raspy voice.

Ten minutes later her last bite is chewed and swallowed, the cup is empty as well. She's about to grab her coat draped on the back of her chair. "I'm going to have to break my non-disturbing you promise but... um, that's a sick cardigan." His voice doesn't sound confident as before, he even clears his throat, but his eyes never leave hers.

"Thanks, my grandma knitted it for me." She forgets about her coat and straightens out a bit for him to appreciate the colourful patchwork and extends her left arm to show the over-sized sleeve. Her companion hums in approval. "She hates it."

"What?" His green eyes widening in disbelief and she just shrugs.

"As soon as I put it on she went on and on about how horrible it was, the wrong proportions and how it all seemed better off in her mind." They share a giggle and don't notice that their empty plates have been taken away and the place is no longer swamped by people. "But I like it, I like it a lot, does a good job keeping me warm." And makes her look lovely, he thinks but doesn't say.

Instead he licks his lips before speaking again. "I'm Harry." He offers his left hand and she quickly eyes the cross tattoo.

"I'm a tourist." She says before adding her real name, earning a deep chuckle from him before letting go of his hand.

The set of circumstances in which she met Harry is dreamy for sure, but something about him made the set of affairs so real. When he asked about the places where she'd been the scoff afterwards and the roll of his eyes made her ask what was wrong about them. But he didn't answer, with a shake of his head and a deep sigh he asked for her phone number. The promise to show her the real London lingered in the air as they parted ways outside of the corner cafe.

Her heart raced at the very sight of him outside Borough Market the following morning. "Morning love, alright?" he greeted her before hugging her tight and quick. It was so genuine it made her wonder if she really just met him the day before. "Do you like doughnuts?"

"Who doesn't?" she says with that grin he worries will wait for him in his dreams.

"Wisest words ever spoken." Harry's arm is wrapped around her shoulders, guiding her on their quest inside the huge market.

The early morning is spent too soon, Harry guides her to talk to the stall owners, they are so passionate about their produce, most of them willing when possible to give them a sample. The highlight is the stop at Bread Ahead, they buy more doughnuts than what she thinks they need. They eat them all while sharing a Monmouth coffee. Harry shares with her stories about almost every stall they passed by. "I'm not a fan of red meat, and oysters." She keeps record of it, basking in his lovely anecdotes that seemed to summon the sun from it's hiding place. "We're granted a sunny day in winter!" He celebrates and it's impossible not to join him. "Let's go to Richmond Park."

Of course she nods in agreement and follows him down the street where he parked his car before she gets in the passenger seat. The stranger danger alarm, should've gone off in her head. But there was something about him, like he was holding her in place. As she heard Harry speak about his job, it started to make more sense in her head. Harry was a lot like this country, foreign, new, exciting and hers for the next few days. He made that clear when they parted ways at the end of the day.

"Come home with me for Christmas." Harry asked her on what would be the beginning of her last week in London, while having a picnic on Primrose Hill.

"With your family?" Her eyebrows were shot up when he nodded, fighting back that deadly smirk of his. "All your relatives will be there?" He nods again and she scoffs completely agitated. "Don't be daft Harry!" She voices out her feelings borrowing an expression of his.

He laughs and it's impossible for her not to join him, her face growing hotter by the second. "I don't want to go without you, and mum will love to have you there," that's what she fears.

"I don't know Harry, might be weird." He disagrees right away.

"It's close to Liverpool, we could spend a day or two over there." The past week he's been trying to learn as many things from her as possible and if he chooses his words carefully he can convince her. "Pay a visit to Anfield, The Cavern." His fake nonchalant attitude makes her roll her eyes, "Strawberry Fields is there too, you know?" She agrees and he kisses the back of her hand to mask the proud grin on his face.

In the past, she was always careful not to let a partner know how deeply she cared about them. The thought of being vulnerable made her lose her mind, thinking it was a sign of weakness. But seeing Harry drive through the English countryside, singing at the top of his lungs to Mistletoe and Wine by Cliff Richard and smiling just for her. It made her want to tell him, but not even all the words in every single language ever spoken by humanity could be enough to give him an idea of how much she cares for him.

There hasn't been a proper kiss between them, it puzzled her at first. Because his gaze seemed to be constantly directed to her lips. But then there was all the touching, holding hands, tucking her to his side when walking, his tender touch before hugging her goodbye. And the way he was always running his hands through her hair.

"She's a friend," he introduces her to his mum Anne and sister Gemma, after saying her name, chewing on the word like it's that mint gum he carries in his purse everywhere he goes. "Was a bloody tourist when I first met her but now... she's a proper Londoner." She doubts it, but she agrees on them being friends and she likes it, a lot.

They help Anne and Gemma to set the table and the finishing touches for dinner. Only three more family members show up and she chastises Harry for making her believe that all of his offspring was going to attend. That's how they usually spend Christmas Eve back home, she explains.

It saddens him, the thought of her going back to her home country in five days time. All the way across the Atlantic, six hours behind him. It's almost unfair.

"Tell me more about it," Harry's curiosity is genuine, thinking that he would love to know more about her traditions. Perhaps even be lucky enough to share them someday.

"We don't have these," she regrets taking a tube of brightly coloured paper. "We have piñatas though." She adds proudly and Harry's jaw hangs open in surprise.

"No fucking way!" He is immediately told off by his mum as they all take a seat at the table. "I thought that was only allowed for birthdays."

"There's no rules for that!" She takes the Christmas cracker out again and Harry takes it from the other end. "So, I just pull it?" He nods and it makes a noise revealing the present.

"You get the crown." Harry unfolds it before helping her fix it atop her head. "And the little toy, what is it?oh... I get the joke!" His family groans, his sister hiding her face in hands, but all she sees is the glint in Harry's eye before he reads. "Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star?"

"I don't know," she's the only one that was going to ask him. And she really wanted to know.

"Beyon-sleigh!" Harry watches in delight how the girl before him snorts at the silly and not so funny joke.

"That was awful." She confessed.

"Agree, next year we'll make our own. Riddles only." His mum adds and Harry protests right away but is shushed by Gemma's voice reading out loud the riddle from her cracker.

Next year, she will probably be spending the day with her numerous family, she thinks. Harry will be here again, telling awful jokes, pulling away Christmas crackers. Perhaps he will bring another person with him. She tries to push the poisonous thoughts down with a big gulp of wine. Only succeeding when Harry's left hand rests on her knee, his thumb rubbing circles on her skin exposed by her ripped jeans while he listens to his sister talk about her podcast. It marvels her how he is there, for everybody.

After dinner they play family games and Harry makes a fake tantrum after his cousin Chloe claims his companion for her team.

"She's mine!" He argues, his long arms embracing her easily. She ends up joining the other team, but the quick kiss she bravely gave to his neck before he let her go, confirmed the words he spoke.

There is a three step process Harry follows to know he's fallen in love. If he finds himself talking about them with every living soul, if he does something they like just because it makes him miss them less and finally if he takes them home to meet his mum. He knows that for the past few days, there was no other topic to discuss with him than the girl sitting beside him in the sofa. He's been drinking tea every morning, just because it reminds him of her. He watches her talk to his mother about how much they like Rod Stewart and knows that he's in too deep.

It should bother him, because she will leave. And all these moments spent, will be just distant memories for him to torture himself over and over again. He wants to feel the angst of knowing that maybe she will forget him, maybe she has a partner back home. He gives up on trying to feel miserable, agreeing with that song from earlier. It is a time to rejoice in the good that we see, a time for living and believing.

Right now all he sees is her, he sighs before tucking her by his side, her brown doe eyes meeting his briefly before sneaking an arm around his waist. She continues to chat with Anne and Gemma even after the rest of the guests leave, still holding onto him. Harry can see the fondness radiating from his mother and sister for the girl in his arms. He sees trust, and he smiles thinking of a new beginning.

What a beautiful sight.

[neopronouns]

aren't neopronouns and xenogenders harmful to trans and nonbinary people? it doesn't make sense to me how you can create new sets of pronouns and new gender identities like that. you can't just create a gender. it makes it seem like trans and nonbinary people made up their identities as well. I'm not saying you're cis or you don't have problems understanding your gender--I'm just saying all these extra terms that you make up are unnecessary and don't make much sense to me. have a nice day tho!

the fact that you’ve insulted and invalidated my identity and the identities of most of my followers just because they ‘don’t make much sense’ to you and then have the audacity to say ‘have a nice day tho!’... what the fuck. seriously. i don’t want to sound like an asshole, but i legitimately do not care about your pleasantries when you’re telling me my identity, the identity that it’s taken me years to find the right words for, is made up and harmful.

no, neopronouns and xenogenders do not harm trans and nonbinary people. neopronouns have existed for centuries, and xenogenders are just more specific nonbinary labels. there is no proof that we harm the trans community. transphobia is not caused by trans people, but by the cis people and the cissexist society that continue to foster and promote transphobic views. throwing a smaller group of trans people under the bus for the struggles the wider trans community faces is what’s known as ‘respectability politics’ - i really do recommend you research that concept, as it’s becoming very prevalent in our community today and it’s just causing divides and opening us up to harm from actual transphobes.

when a new gender is coined, it’s not because the person ‘created’ it, but rather because they’ve put a name to a feeling that they and potentially others were already experiencing. new gender terms don’t come out of nowhere; they’re born from someone’s desire for a word to put to a feeling they have. you say this doesn’t make sense to you, and that’s totally okay - you don’t have to understand every identity or why someone might identify as such - but rather than assuming they’re harmful, maybe ask people why they coin the labels they’ve coined. listen to our experiences and see why we find comfort and happiness in microlabels. this community is so welcoming of questions, but framing them in a negative light is not a good way to go about learning things.

as for neopronouns... language is made up. new words are created constantly. people make up words for novels, inside jokes, songs, poems, usernames, nicknames - those of us who use newer neopronouns and/or very niche neopronouns are the same. we’re creating these words because they make us feel comfortable. additionally, there are older neopronouns from decades, even centuries, ago that were coined for many reasons, but many are specifically to fill a gap in the english language. they/them is a completely acceptable singular gender-neutral pronoun, of course, but it also is somewhat ambiguous. pronouns like thon/thons, ey/em, and ze/hir were coined to be only used as singular neutral pronouns, as some people don’t want to use they/them, including myself. you don’t have to know every set of neopronouns, and often you’ll be provided with a basic auxiliary pronoun set if neopronouns are difficult for you to use, but even if they don’t make sense to you, please respect them. you might not find a use in them, but so many people do.

and, yes, you’d better not be saying i’m cis. nobody aside from me has authority over how i identify, especially not a stranger on the internet. i also am not confused about my gender. i understand my gender very well and am confident in the labels i use. you might find the terms i ‘make up’ (coin. they aren’t made up, as i said before, because i’ve coined the words to describe feelings that already existed) unnecessary with regards to your own gender and perceptions thereof, but for those of us who use neolabels, they’re important and useful. we feel happier and more comfortable having specific labels. again, that doesn’t have to make sense to you, but please show us respect and try to listen to us when we explain why we use certain terms.

you seem, despite your negative wordings in this ask, to be genuinely curious in some regard. i really do recommend trying to learn things without approaching the issue like this. instead of saying something is harmful, just say you’re confused. research things like respectability politics, older neopronouns and the function of neopronouns, more common neolabels, and things like that, and try to keep an open mind. you don’t have to understand everything, but at least be respectful, that’s all i ask.

[script-a-world]

Clearly there are some settings which make no sense scientifically. But how do I decide when to intentionally ignore reality, can't bother to do research, don't understand research, and thus create scientifically impossible places? When are such things considered be offensive or overused cliche or have a reader point out the impossibility and can't get into the story? I'm guessing some of this might be structural issues instead of world building?

Tex: One of the perils of attempting to write about highly technical subjects is that you run into the issue of not understanding your writing. I do raise a nominal objection as your first sentence, because sensibility is a sliding scale based on one’s familiarity with a given subject. I don’t know crap about, say, textile art (however much I might have bluffed readers in the past - no, no, this is just good googling skills on my end), but that doesn’t mean the textile arts are an inherently incomprehensible subject.

Scientifically, automobiles were once thought to be insensible. Scientifically, phones were thought to be a flight of fancy. Scientifically, 3D printing was improbable. Scientifically, quantum computing was the stuff of sci-fi nerds who just wanted to slap the “quantum” label on everything.

And yet we are now on the verge of robotic vehicles, mostly functional smartwatches, laser printing cells (PDF), and quantum computers (VentureBeat, IBM).

So I would argue that the insensibility of a setting would be due mostly to, yes, a structural issue - on the part of the author. No matter what you put into your world, internal consistency is key; nothing, no matter how ostensibly outlandish, will make sense if you contradict yourself.

I’ll volley a few questions back to you:

“[...] when to intentionally ignore reality” - Are you ignoring reality entirely, or just parts of it? Why? How does that decision benefit your world? How does it detract from your world?

“Can’t bother to do research” - Is it because you are discouraged by the breadth of your comprehension of a subject, compared to the subject’s depth? Or is it because of something else?

“Don’t understand research” - Is this because you don’t understand the academic papers that turn up in your search results, or because you have a fundamental lack of or misunderstanding of the given subject? Or is it because of something else?

“When are such things considered to be offensive or overused cliche” - As someone who intentionally arranges their studying around the plausibilities of the future, I would quite frankly be delighted to see more conceptual stretches of the imagination in this regard, as do many others on this blog, and beyond it. Why have you already passed judgement on the offensiveness or clichéd-ness of incorporating scientific things? Is this related to your other comments?

“[...] or have a reader point out the impossibility and can’t get into the story?” - If you are writing to please a specific individual or demographic, you are inevitably always going to fall short, because it’s genuinely impossible to meet every single item on a group’s wishlist without devoting your life to it (not an entirely worthy pursuit, in my opinion, but alas). What made you decide to be so concerned over the potential reaction to your stories that you worry about it before the story is even written?

I think I will put the majority of my curiosity’s weight on the last bullet point, as I’m seeing similar themes with the other portions of your question. It’s a fruitless endeavour to tie yourself into knots over a possible (not necessarily probable!) reaction - and quite likely from a stranger, to boot. Education is a relatively easy situation to fix, so long as you’re patient with yourself; dealing with anxieties over readers is… not so easy.

I can really only recommend that you take a close look at the goals of your worldbuilding, and see where you contradict yourself - once you have that in hand, it’s a relatively simple yes/no process of what concepts you want to keep. If the issue of decision comes from a lack of understanding, then make a note to yourself to seek out either the million wikis we Pylons utilize ourselves like any other worldbuilder, or to chalk it up as a genuine lack of context.

Please understand that even someone who’s dedicated their life to a certain aspect of science won’t know everything about it - that’s the point of research! We’re constantly asking ourselves questions, and pushing the envelope of known boundaries. Star Wars has lightsabers, but we don’t need to know how they work; likewise with holodecks in Star Trek. So long as an audience is reasonably entertained with the least amount of head-scratching, you can get away with handwaving quite a lot.

Lockea: On a scale between Star Trek and Star Wars, how “hard” is your science fiction?

I mention that mostly to illustrate that science fiction exists on a continuum, wherein science fiction with more “science” than “fiction” drives a story towards the harder end rather than the softer end. Also, a story’s place on the continuum will change based on what we know and understand about science.

I feel like everyone always beats me to saying all the important stuff about questions, so I’ll just give a few thoughts from my personal experience as a science fiction fan with two engineering degrees and a thesis about robots on the moon (yes really, I wrote my thesis on AI for moon robots). I really, really, love the creativity of science fiction writers. I think so often in defending the genre, we can get caught up in saying things like “science fiction predicted XYZ!” Well, sure, I may have studied Isaac Asimov’s three laws of robotics in my introduction to engineering ethics course, but I was also greedily reading my way through “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins at the same time. The fact that I sincerely doubt Panem will ever happen didn’t dampen my enjoyment of Katniss’s story. It was a fun read and it gave my friends and I something to talk about that wasn’t “feasibility of Battlestar Galactica” during our daily lunches.

The thing about writing science fiction is that, without a doubt, there will be someone who knows more than you about a topic who reads your story. Most of the time, I end up being that someone since everyone likes to talk about Skynet and robots taking over the world to a roboticist who sincerely refers to artificial intelligence as artificial stupidity. Y'all are seriously overestimating the field, my friends. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” even as I thought how impossible Project Insight would be. Honestly, something every READER of science fiction needs to make peace with is the fact that writers will get something wrong. Writers, despite their best efforts, are not always going to understand that a facial recognition algorithm will fail if you introduce tiny amounts of random noise and are thus going to treat The Algorithm™ as infallible in your crime drama novel.

It’s not the writer’s fault, though.

That deserves to be on its own line. It is not YOUR fault if you get something wrong. Would it be nice if science literacy was just better all around? Of course! But it’s not your fault if your science literacy isn’t up to snuff enough to parse the article I cited above. It’s also not your job. Your job as the writer is to tell the most interesting story you can and to maintain your own internal rules and logic such that the reader never breaks the willing suspension of disbelief.

I watch Star Wars and get really into the light saber fight scenes and forget that light sabers are basically impossible to make. Star Wars has the Force, which is basically magic, and that’s okay. Really. I KNOW it’s not possible, but I still have a lot of fun watching it!

So yeah, write that story about how the robots are going to take over the world. I’ll probably enjoy reading it even as I laugh off my friends telling me that I will be the first to die in the robot apocalypse (of course I will -- I have five robots in my living room alone).

Constablewrites: Tone and consistency are the biggest pieces of this for me. If it’s the kind of story where the answer to “How does this work?” is usually a detailed and plausible explanation, then getting an answer later that is implausible or slapdash will stand out more. But if it’s the kind of story where the answer to “How does this work?” is “You push that button and it goes whoosh” from the start, my expectations adjust accordingly. (It’s possible to have the latter version in a story that is mostly the former, frequently when it’s played for last. Again, tone is key.)

So yeah, a lot of this is execution and the way the story sticks to the rules it sets for itself, and also how central the implausibility is to the story. A realistic thriller that relies on cartoon logic for a background bit might be a little jarring, but not nearly as much as a realistic thriller that relies on cartoon logic to set up its main showdown. The more central it is to the story, the more consistency and accuracy matters. Learning how to balance this can take some practice and some insight from beta readers.

[echodrops]

Hi! I'm kinda freaking out over how I'm going to manage everything when I start college. I'm kinda on the fence about whether or not I should inform my professors right off the bat about my mental health issues/ if that would even be helpful? I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety so my grades kinda weren't the best, I got lucky that I test really well so my SAT scores were high. I hope I'm not over stepping anything, but sense you're a professor yourself I thought it wouldn't hurt to try.

Phew! First, take a big deep breath, because I totally agree that starting college can be super overwhelming, but I know you can do it and I’m cheering for you!

First I just want to say that, while I can give my own answer to this question, I can’t guarantee every professor you meet will view this situation the exact same way as I will--professors are people and run the gamut from super supportive and kind to, unfortunately(!!), very unkind towards students. I recommend waiting until after your first or second class with each professor before speaking with them about personal topics--give yourself a day or two to get a feel for them and how they might respond, and hopefully you’ll be able to quickly spot the ones who won’t be supportive and that’s when you change classes ASAP and I’m only partly kidding.

Now, on to the actual answer to this question:

Yes, I definitely think you should inform your professors about your concerns and how your mental health might affect your ability in each class; however, there are actually a couple steps I’d take first to both protect yourself and increase your chances of success at college.

1) Before speaking to your professors, get in contact with your college’s Disabilities, Accessibility, or Counseling Office. The name of this office will vary by college, but most will use one of those first two words in their name, or will be named Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). Even if you contact the wrong office, they can always transfer you. Most colleges offer counseling to their students for free, which can be an incredibly helpful resource when you reach midterm exams and really get hit with that feeling of being in over your head! You want to have this office on speed dial for those days where you get out of class and just want to cry because the work is piling up. Those days happen to everyone, unfortunately, and knowing in advance where on campus you can go to get help is vital.

However, even more important than the direct counseling is the powerful tool in this office’s arsenal called “Accommodations.” By law, to protect students from unreasonable demands from professors, students with documented physical or mental health disabilities are eligible for special accommodations to make completing their classes more manageable. These accommodations vary by student, but they often include things like extra time to complete quizzes and exams, permission to deliver oral presentations in private instead of in front of a class, access to a private, quiet room to complete work, or a dedicated note-taker to assist you with note-taking in class.

When a student qualifies for accommodations, each one of the student’s professors receives a contract they have to sign, and the professors will be legally bound to honor the accommodations listed on the contract. You can probably see how it would be useful to have this contract in advance when you go to talk to a professor about your mental health concerns--that way, even if you encounter a professor who isn’t super supportive, they will be legally obligated to make the class easier for you to manage. Going through the disabilities office protects you and ensures you getting access to all the great resources your university has for people with mental health challenges!

2) Next, make sure you know about all the tutoring and homework support your university offers. Many schools have a wide range of services designed specifically to help students get through difficult classes; if you’re able to complete your school work easily and keep your grades up, college will be much less stressful and anxiety-inducing. Most colleges offer math, science, and writing labs where you can meet with dedicated peer tutors to review your work and go over hard concepts; many schools also have research librarians who can help you find sources for essays or reports, career services offices to help connect you with opportunities like internships or volunteering that will really build out your resume, private study rooms you can rent to get work done, technology like laptops and cameras you can rent for assignments, and even offices that arrange events specifically to help keep students feeling mentally fit--one office at my old campus used to bring puppies for students to play with during finals week!

Before speaking to your professors, take the time to familiarize yourself with the resources your school offers, and even though it might be scary at first, ease yourself into the idea of using these services. You will have an infinitely, INFINITELY easier time in college if you really take advantage of every single tool the school is offering you--student tuition goes to cover these services, so you should definitely use them. You can rid yourself of a lot of the anxiety related to homework and understanding class concepts by regularly visiting the free campus tutors.

3) Finally, speak to your professors--but come with questions already planned! Most--again, unfortunately I can’t speak for all professors, but--most professors will be more than willing to work with you and will be understanding of your mental health concerns if you alert them in advance. When students disappear for half the semester with no warning and then come back in the last week of class begging for make-up work because they were too depressed to come to class, that oftentimes comes across as making excuses, rather than being genuine. But if you let your professors know at the beginning of the semester that you’re new to college and concerned about your ability to succeed, your professors should be willing to accommodate your needs and help you throughout the semester.

The best way to secure a professor’s cooperation is to show that you’re dedicated to doing your best and that you want to fully understand their class expectations. In turn, the best way to show this dedication to ask some specific questions and try to formulate a plan with your professor.

After you explain your mental health concerns, some questions you might want to consider asking would be:

1) If my anxiety affects my ability to speak up in class, will I lose points? Are there ways I can contribute in class without being in the spotlight?

2) If my depression begins to affect my attendance, will there be chances to make up for absences? What are your policies for attendance in our class? If I am absent, should I come to you to ask what I missed, or should I ask another student in class?

3) If I’m struggling with assignments for our class, can I come to you for help with them? I noticed your office hours (on the syllabus, your office door, etc.) but I realized that none of your office hours fit my schedule. Are you available for appointments outside of your regular office hours? 

4) I’ve already looked into the tutoring services at our school, but are there any other resources you’d recommend like useful websites, other books, or online tutoring that would help me learn the class material?

5) Do you have any advice for students who struggle with anxiety or depression when it comes to succeeding in your classes?

Aim to create a sort of plan with your professors--make sure you know how attendance will affect your grade, whether you need to prepare to be called on in class, what you should do if you’re struggling with the class assignments, and whether the professor will work with you if you begin to suffer from your mental health concerns during the semester.

This sort of response shows your professors that you’re motivated to succeed despite any additional challenges you might face, and encourages them to view you as a student who needs additional support, rather than someone just faking mental health issues to avoid work.

Most professors want every single one of their students to succeed and fully recognize that some students need accommodations and an understanding response in order to thrive at college. You can increase your chances of doing great (while also decreasing college anxiety), by mustering up the strength to grab hold of every single resource your school offers.

Sorry for the long answer, but I hope that helps!

[ajoblotofjunk]

Hi! I've been reading you on Ao3 & wanted to tell you I'm SO impressed with HFoG. I have LOTS of things to say: mainly I was floored by how well you handled so many storylines/arcs while still keeping it clean & basic + tropey & never dumbing down complicated characters thru so many words! I think you outline but wondered if you could share more about your process? I'm in the midst of an 8book graphic novel script & the way you stuck the landing gives me hope! I am a huge fan of all of your work

Hi! Thank you for your lovely comment. 😊 I’m happy to talk about my process.

The way all of my stories start is an idea - sometimes a song will inspire me, sometimes a photo, sometimes a prompt, sometimes a “what if?” question. In HFoG’s case it was the video for Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m On Fire,” where I wanted to write a story where Jaime was the rich car owner and Brienne was the mechanic.

This gets long (SURPRISE) so the rest under a cut to save your dash. This is certainly way more than you wanted to know but hopefully there’s something helpful here. Hee.

Once I get an idea, I start expanding on it in general terms before I start writing - is Brienne his personal mechanic? (At one point she was, for his many, many cars.) Does she work at a garage? Why does Jaime have a car like this and why does he bring it to her? Etc. This is where my initial idea will often undergo the most changes and certainly for HFoG that’s what happened. I don’t really remember why I shifted to F1 - I wasn’t even an F1 fan when I thought of the idea. 😂 I’d watched some NASCAR growing up, but I didn’t want him to be a NASCAR driver and the more I looked into F1 as I became attached to the idea of Jaime as a racecar driver (oh I remember now! He was an ex-driver in initial renditions of the idea, and then I thought it would be great for Brienne to get to actually be a part of the racing world which is why I made him a current driver), the more I realized it fit him perfectly.

Once I have a solid enough idea to get me at least a few chapters in, I start writing, usually with only a vague idea where I want to end up (and often that idea is “they’re together and happy,” because I’m writing romances at their core). HFoG was quite different even from the start because I did so much research to get familiar with F1 that it bred all sorts of new ideas and plot changes even pre-writing. In my very very first version, the story was just a single year and Jaime got the championship and Brienne was happy as his Mechanic and they ended up happy together at the end, which would have been a perfectly lovely story! But once I realized I wanted to include Jaime’s hand injury, that changed a lot of the story and I did some brainstorming work and ended up having a pretty significant outline even before I started writing.

HOWEVER. If you look at even that outline now it’s SO DIFFERENT from where HFoG ultimately ended up. The first six months were the same, but everything after that was changed. Which I think is the fundamental key to how I write: start out with a really strong backbone (Jaime and Brienne falling in love while working together in F1), start writing, discover what the story is as I go along, and continually think about and update and add to my outline as I figure out what I’m really doing. So it’s like half-planning, half-discovery. 

In the original version of hand-loss HFoG, Jaime goes to Tarth in August but they don’t have sex, he crashes in September but he’s wounded like Robert Kubica and doesn’t lose his hand. Brienne ends up convincing her dad to start a team so Jaime can race and they don’t actually get together until the middle of year two, and then Jaime ends up winning the championship that second year.

The reason I changed all that was because as I started writing the fic I wanted more for both Brienne. Jaime, too, but he had a rich emotional plot to support the love story and I wanted Brienne to have that, too. I knew the story was going to be long (70-90k I thought; my longest fic before this was 70k and that felt like a damned novel to me!), and to support that length I wanted Brienne to have her own dreams and personal plot. Everything from the first August and after was something I struggled with CONSTANTLY even while I was writing the story. Brynn can attest to this - I sent her SEVERAL emails wailing and gnashing my teeth and changing my mind constantly about what I should do and where it should all go. I honestly don’t think I felt confident about it until I was actually writing the second year. I second guessed myself repeatedly.

But. I started writing with the original outline because I felt confident about the first few chapters and I trust myself enough now that I know the story will reveal itself if I keep working on it. I had this happen just yesterday with my JB Fic Exchange story, which FINALLY re-settled itself in my head after I kept writing even though I knew what I was writing wasn’t going to be it - that happens a LOT for me, actually, which is also why I write ahead for long stories, because I know things are going to change and I’ll want to go back to earlier chapters to add in moments to support later chapters and changed plots, which I can’t do if I’m writing as I go. Do I flail and freak out every time that I have no idea what I’m doing? Absolutely. Heh. But so far my brain has not let me down. Often I just keep relentlessly writing even though it all feels awkward and weird, because once I stop and re-read and determine WHY it’s awkward and weird, that tells me what I should be doing instead. I’ve thrown away SO MANY words, but they’ve all needed it.

My outline for HFoG was by month, with the idea that each month was a chapter. This is pretty typical for me when I do finally expand on my idea into an outline. All of my multi-chapter fics end up with at least a brief outline with vague, high-level ideas of what I want to happen in each chapter (plot, emotions, romance, whatever), and often one or two specific events or lines of dialogue that have come to me. I don’t write ahead, I write all in a row because of the discovery factor, but when I do get struck by a flash of a scene, I write that down for the chapter I think it’s going to be in.

What’s important for my process is that those scenes can be moved to wherever they need to go, and are often changed by the time I get to them. I do have things in in the final version of HFoG that had been in these early outlines, but not in the place or exact way I first wrote them down, and that’s because as much as I do outline, I have to tell the story I’m actually telling, and that will sometimes wind to places I didn’t expect as I’m writing it. So the outline guides me, but I don’t bind myself to it so tightly that I can’t be flexible when the story demands it. I also re-read the story a lot as I write (or at least the chapters nearest the chapter I’m working on, once it gets to a certain length), because that will often help ground me in where I’m going, too, by remembering where I’ve been.

One of the toughest parts about HFoG as I got deeper into it was juggling secondary and tertiary characters and when to use them and how. Jaime’s and Brienne’s arcs formed the backbone of my outline, but as I pulled in characters, I knew I wanted them to intersect with J&B throughout, usually in support of J&B’s storylines but with the weight of having their own lives going on underneath. To help with that, I had a list of characters who had recurring roles in the story and when I started each chapter, I would go through and remind myself of if I wanted/needed them to appear and what their purpose was for doing so (and a little about what else they’d been up to, so I could throw that in for color - like Pod finding a girlfriend; that had no “plot” effect, but it gave Pod, a character i care about, happiness and was something I could refer to in other scenes just for depth and emotional weight).

As for sticking the landing - I had tremendous anxiety about just that for weeks, most intensely the weeks I was writing the last chapters and right afterward when I was going to post them. I worried people would hate the final confrontation with Tywin, that they’d want more or something different, and in that case it was very reassuring to have Brynn, who was the only one who’d read the ending at that point, to talk me through it. I would HIGHLY recommend a beta who is good at the things you are not, by the way. I can’t tell you the number of times Brynn would make a point about the emotional arc of a scene and remind me to take a step back and look at how the characters were feeling in the moment, and that consistently made the story so much better.

SO. In summary my process is: initial idea; expand on that idea enough I can start writing (which sometimes involved lots of research); outline if I need it but not required as I write the first chapter or two; definitely need an outline after that, organized by chapter, with high points of plot and emotions and whatever else I already have in my head; use the outline as a lamp to illuminate the story I’m telling; keep writing even when it all feels wrong, knowing I will get to the right path EVENTUALLY, and update outline accordingly; lots of freaking out to a sympathetic and smart friend; side-notes about non-main characters so I don’t completely forget them/develop new plot points/expand on existing plot points because of them; hope it all works out in the end. Heh.

Hopefully there’s something helpful here. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! And best of luck on your own big project!! It’s a ton of work but the rewards are great in the end. You can do this!

[quantum-friend-theory]

Have you ever dealt with anxiety with working with people? I'm studying physics and hope to go into high energy theory, but I really have trouble going to office hours and working with other students because it's way more comfortable for me to work alone, but I don't perform nearly as well. Any advice?

CW: anxiety, mental health

Hey there, anonymous! Thanks for the ask! Before I answer, I want to emphasize that (as per usual) my answers are based on my own experiences and are not representative of the full set of experiences out there. Furthermore, when I talk about anxiety (or anxiety-adjacent responses) below, I only mean being anxious to the degree of being uncomfortable, and not something necessarily requiring more substantial external support. I’m not qualified to give advice regarding the latter.

To begin: Yes, working with people absolutely makes me anxious sometimes. I stress out in anticipation of interacting with people I don’t know well, get jumbled up during conversations (”Am I living up to this person’s idea of me? Do they even have an idea of me??”), and I repeat interactions over-and-over again in my head after the fact even when they went totally fine. I’ve had to work on all of that via continued practice, as well as reminding myself that 1. most people aren’t jerks, so working with people is lower stakes than my brain wants me to think, and 2. jerks aren’t worth stressing over. But all of that’s more-so advice about social anxiety. I presume you want physics-oriented advice.

One thing I’ve noticed in my physics career specifically is that I’ve had significantly different experiences between working with people as a student vs. working with people as a researcher. In either case, I work best with people when I know explicitly what I desire from collaborating with them and take steps to meet those desires.

As a student: When I think about working with people as a student, I first think of things like completing homework or studying for exams. In these cases, people can be invaluable because they might know (for instance) where a specific problem is more-or-less solved in a textbook, have course notes they might like to share, or may have access to learning resources of which you’re unaware. The number of times I’ve spent many hours working on a problem only to find out that “oh, the prof took that straight from a different textbook which has a whole section about solving that kind of problem” or “actually, we realized there’s a typo that makes it unsolvable” is FRUSTRATING to say the least. I highly recommend getting yourself added to (or coordinating the creation of) a group chat where people can share these sorts of resources + information, such as by asking anyone with whom you can comfortably make eye contact & who seems friendly enough something like “Hey, do you know if there’s a group chat for this class? If there isn’t, I’d be down help get one started. It seems like that could be useful.” If it’s an upper-level physics course, you will likely be sharing classes with the same group of students over-and-over, so the benefits of communication can carry over to other classes too.

Beyond that, you might also want to work with others on solving homework problems. Idk about all of y’all, but I had this misconception for a long time that people were formally forbidden from working on homework together; however, many profs expect you to work with others so long as you don’t just copy someone else’s solution. Even then, finding people I wanted to work with was pretty hit-or-miss: most people I tried to work with either were receptive to my solutions but didn’t help fill in my own knowledge gaps (so that support wasn’t really going both ways, leaving me feeling drained) or would solve something & immediately give away the answer (which–as a person who learns largely by struggling with material for an extended period of time–spoiled the learning experience for me). Thankfully, even with these specifications for what I wanted in a homework partner, I did find a few like-minded students. Regarding the people with whom I didn’t synergize: when I found myself becoming stressed while working with them, I had to be honest (with them and myself) and convey to them one way or another “This workflow doesn’t align with my own objectives, so I’m going to try something different.”

All of that being said: there were many assignments and projects I did 100% solo, and–although I may’ve obtained a lower grade than if I’d teamed up–the added comfort + control of working alone was worth it. By doing things the way I wanted to do them, I gained experience as my own brand of physicist and further honed what being a physicist meant to me. (Furthermore, for any of you who are worried about your grades: I know many physicists who had low GPA’s and who are successful physicists.) In fact. knowing how to do every aspect of certain calculations to my own standards was actually super beneficial once I became a researcher in high energy theory.

As a researcher: Working with people as a researcher is different than as a student. Instead of being one individual among a class of students all reporting solutions of known problems to a professor, I am now an investigator reporting directly to my research advisor about problems that don’t necessarily have well-defined solutions. My available collaborators are other researchers (students + post-docs + professors) who typically report to the same research group head. Mileage will vary, but you have a significant control over how much you work with people in high-energy theory. My first two publications were done essentially solo, with my advisors just providing paper-writing support. Even now that I’m working on projects with a team, I work from home 95% of the time and essentially only interact with my coworkers in meetings and via e-mail. I’m doing very well for myself with this set-up! Interacting with my advisor consists largely of summarizing my own investigations, and I make a point when collaborating with my coworkers to clearly establish who is doing what to avoid friction between people. If anything, when it comes to working with others at my job nowadays, I’m most stressed about whether or not they’re generating the same quality of work that I am… and I handle that by being straightforward with them, e.g. “I worry that this work is lacking [positive quality X], because [evidence Y]. What do you think?” It’s something that took practice (because I struggle with confrontation and my fight-or-flight response is busted), but I eventually realized that a majority of my coworkers are actively trying to produce good work too (because they’ve also got skin in the game) and thus will support efforts to improve a project’s final quality.

To close: I provide all of the above anecdotal info simply as an N=1 data sample for your own decision-making. The way you and I handle some of the aforementioned obstacles may be different, and that’s totally okay. Returning to your question, my advice is ultimately: Figure out what you want to do, and then communicate to others in a way that ensures you can do physics the way you want to do physics. As in research, there’s often more than one way to solve a problem: if you are uncomfortable working with people in certain regards, there may be a way to use your strengths to avoid having to do that.

Thanks again for the ask! I hope this has helped. I’m wishing you the best, my friends! (EDIT: I reorganized the last paragraph some.)