#i'm just angry and i have to cope without lashing out

[luckywolfsbane]

..

[fruity-fruition]

I NEED more angry Saki content at this point. GENUINELY.

Guys, I love Tsukasa, Shiho, and Honami with all my heart but I desperately need Saki to finally let out all her anguish.

Shiho and Honami were middle schoolers, you can't blame them, but so was Saki. I love how bright she is, how bubbly, but for the love of god you just know she had some sense of betrayal when Ichika was the only one who appeared constantly.

I want Saki to stand before Honami and Shiho, trying her best to act as her usual self, but finally breaking down and telling them how hurt she was when they never replied to her text. When Ichika kept saying "they'll visit soon" because she knows they never will. How she felt so alone in that hospital room, missing two of her best friends and being so far away from home.

I don't want their friendship to wither, but I have her to be angry because she has every right to be. I want her to hold a grudge, and I want her to feel hurt because she cannot move forward without acknowledging how shitty the cards she was dealt were.

Again, I'm not saying it was Honami and Shiho's fault. They were middle schoolers, they were scared. they were children who didn't know how to cope with their friend being so far and so out of reach. But that didn't mean they weren't wrong. Saki has every right to feel abandoned, because in her eyes, she was.

And Tsukasa. This is a different betrayal, because he treats her like glass. Again, it's not his fault, because for a good while, she basically was. She couldn't go out, she couldn't move around, she couldn't do most things. And he saw her through all of it. Of course he'd be scared for her, of course he'd be wary about it.

But Saki's so tired of being treated like this. She wants to move on, to keep going, to feel normal but she can't do that when everywhere she goes, it's a constant reminder. I want her to lash out, not being she's in the right, but because she's a teen who's childhood was torn away from her.

I want to see Saki snap, I don't even want it to be for a right reason. She could be totally in the wrong, yelling at her brother for caring and trying to make sure she's okay, but she's tired of being reminded she isn't a normal teen. So she lashes out, because she's hurt.

Saki's feeling of betrayal towards Tsukasa reaches another part too, with Tsukasa refusing to trust her the way she trusts him. Tsukasa never opened up to her, being so determined to be the reliable older brother. She's not stupid. She sees what he's doing. She knows something is up, that something is wrong. He's hiding something from her, and it pisses her off that she most likely will never know what.

She feels like he doesn't trust her. She feels like her just being younger is burdening him. That he thinks she can't handle it because she'll always be the "younger fragile sister". She is wrong, and he's never seen her as such, but she feels. That's the whole thing here.

I just want my girl to be able to finally feel and not squash everything down. She'll have to accept the consequences of her actions, but she'll grow from it after, that's for certain. Because she's not going anywhere if she keeps ignoring it and just smiles through (Tenma Sibling trait apparently...)

GOD Saki Tenma I LOVE YOU.

[mimi-is-so-horny]

okay, so... you know how sometimes a day starts lovely, and then it goes to shit? and sometimes, you feel like you've done this to yourself? actually, you have done it to yourself. anyway.

i made a point to wake up early today to make Sir and Anna breakfast and to write them a note thanking them for fucking me so well yesterday, and for being pretty much the best thing in my life right now. i felt very grateful and i know i'm very lucky. i think they appreciated that, too.

i blew the candles on my birthday cake naked on Sir's lap - i've been 25 for a couple of days, and i usually hate my birthdays, but Anna insisted we should do the whole birthday thing properly. Sir wrote me a birthday card that almost moved me to tears. He groped my tits as i blew my candles.

for context, i used to want to enter academia in combination to committing to a totally different career path. what i'm doing right now isn't even my Plan C, so of course, i feel a bit like a failure. i'd written a chapter in a book that discussed some recent developments in my field and placed them in a behavioural/institutional context - the book was published this year, and the complimentary copy they sent to authors arrived on my birthday. i should be happy, right? but i feel so defeated, and so dumb, and like this is the first and last good thing i got to do before giving up on my aspirations completely. sure, i'll still apply to enter a more commercial side of my field next year, but that's still just more "sustainable", financially, and more difficult than i thought it would be. all this effort for something i won't really value or enjoy, yuck. and what if i fail, again? anyway. Mimi's whiny ass.

so Sir asked me to read my chapter, and i said yes, sure. He wanted to "see how i think". why not, right?

He fucked me yesterday, and this morning, and at noon, and it felt so good. and now He came to my room, to tell me He read my chapter, and while i felt vulnerable i tried to look cool asking Him what He thought of it.

and He showered me in compliments, and asked me why am i here, and not at a Big Prestigious University™ doing research? i told Him that's why i tried, and the Big Prestigious University™ didn't do shit for Mimi in a post-covid job market where she had to care for her family and couldn't work Prestigious Unpaid Internships™. and still, with no network or real mentors that cared more about guiding me than fucking me, or plagiarising me (lol), my options narrowed. and He knew that, so why was He asking me? and then He asked more questions, and i got increasingly angry and i cried and told Him to leave my room, please. well, at least He did.

so now i have to go downstairs and apologise for lashing out at Him for essentially caring. that was just me projecting - how mad i am at myself for failing, and for giving up, and and for being too lazy to try again - on Him. but i also don't want to do that, because i can only taste how i'm not working in the city i want, and how the people i work for are surprised when i can introduce better corrections than them, and how i am a grown woman that is already bitter about not being where she wanted to be. how i pretend to have given up, when in reality i'm still kind of grieving the people i thought i could be, and realising it can always get worse. am i making myself into a victim: poor-me, poor-me? or am i entitled to my anger and sadness? i don't know, and Sir knows something sad happened to me without my consent, a long while ago - so what if He sees me as a victim, too? am i really that stupid and that passive? what if i'm wasting His time, too?

i don't think i use kink as a coping mechanism or as a distraction; i'm just happy it's an area of my life i'm currently getting exactly what i want, exactly in my own terms and limits - i've rarely gotten that much respect and reciprocity in "vanilla world" - be it work, or education, or friendships. but that fact also makes me sad. why can't i have some of the things i want, sometimes? why was it "Rejection Letter"+"Your Flatmate Lost Your Cat And Now Won't Help Or Speak To You"+"Your Supervisor Wants To Fuck You And He's Angry Now!"+"Your Family Is Asking For Money, Again!!!", and not, like, slightly better? it's hard to feel empowered now. that sad six-year-old is here again, and she wants good stuff i don't know how to give, because i'm out of fucking candy (or, y'know, drugs. because i don't do that shit anymore).

anyway, that will be a difficult conversation. and i feel sorry for Him, for having to deal with me.

well, that was a very self-centred ramble by a fairly self-centred person, so i'm sorry if you read this? but also it was your choice to do so, meh. drink water, wear sunscreen.

[weabooweedwitch]

Most women your age are getting married and starting their families and you've never even had a bf 🤡 it's so over for you better get used to coping with ur crippling loneliness with maladaptive daydreaming, yandere asmr videos, drugs and self-insert fanfic because that's all you'll ever have now. Your youth is gone and you're still fat af even after you lost weight (probably gained it all back by now lmao). You could have made something of urself whem you were 20 by losing weight and going to college but instead you laid around and wasted all of your youth and now it's too late. No man will ever want to deal with your baggage of being poor, old, unwanted, uneducated (lmao how do I have more education than you and I'm 10 years younger? dumbass doesnt even have her GED), cringey age-inappropriate hobbies, mentally ill and not even having the decency to go to therapy and take meds, fat, ugly face, loser and loner with no irl friends, crazy family, looking old for your age, whored yourself out on a sugar daddy website, rotten teeth due to your own laziness, thinning frizzy hair and gross bulky glasses, drug addicted alcoholic who's probably going to be homeless for the majority of her life, mean person attacking minor aged rape victims like jesus christ you're so fucking worthless SO many red flags so much baggage no-one will ever want to deal with that. You don't even know how worthless you are

You know, every time you send me a message like this, I think of the person from your friend group who came forward a while back. You know, the one you don't like to acknowledge tried to apologize on your behalf. Anyways, every time you insult my appearance I just think of what your friend said

So i get it sweetie, youre mad at mommy and daddy and you're lashing out. That's why half the time you're repeating things i previously said back to me and parroting shallow insults with a very small vocabulary. The second i call you fatherless, you call me fatherless. I use thw word maladaptive and, suddenly you know that word too and juat HAVE to use it as well. I get it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

You're honestly just making yourself look so pitiable. You realize you've already painted yourself as such a dumb jackass that every single time you do this I basically just laugh and ignore you, and then people who know me and are friends or WANT TO be friends with me see how you treat me publicly and they all say "yeah wow who's this absolutely demonic little cunt acting like this without any reason". Like. What is the end goal here. Making yourself look as petty and stupid as possible. Meanwhile, what did someone else in your friend group say? The ones you lied to? Including Callie, the actual victim whose trauma you're basically trying to appropriate for yourself

Anyways yeah I just wanted to like show you the actual screenshots of the conversation I had with your friend back in June, which also to everyone else, yeah June, that's when she lied to her own friends and said she would stop doing this. She lied to her friends because all of them told her this was making them massively uncomfortable, so now she's. Being an internet troll in secret behind their backs 😂 they were going to tattle on you to your mom so you lied so they wouldn't check tumblr anymore because you're such a weird angry little freak that this has become a hobby for you

I'm sad? I'M sad? I don't even know your fucking name meanwhile you've scrolled through all of my blogs repeatedly for months cataloging details about me for the sheer purpose of trying to poorly insult me.

Like genuinely 90% of the reason I'm answering this is to basically wave a flag saying "hey everyone if you've ever seen or received weird asks of photoshopped porn of me or pictures of my actual family taken from their facebooks or saw the transphobic racist fake dating profile she made with one of my selfies or you ever received a bitch lasagna or Zalgo text, it was this cringey little lolcow right here"

But I also wanted to show you screenshot proof that you make your own friends super uncomfortable and that they started talking about your personal business to defend me over you. So. Yeah I guess that stings huh?

[thebottomfromhell]

I saw that you had more one shots/headcanons of male reader than female reader 😭, so I wanted to ask you if you could do a one shot of the Hantengu clones who accidentally kill their female human s/o because they had a big fight whit her and the clones killed her accidentally, if you want they can be separated into parts or that they are all together.

Take your time!

Most of my posts are requested, and since most blogs just post female reader, GN at most post, people the request bottom will explode for anyone who answers it. There is nothing wrong in not being comfortable in writing certain things, but most fem readers can and would ask in other blogs, since they have more spaces to choose from (ignoring that I'm more willing to write about violence than others) and I'm not the best writer neither so... whatever.

Thank you for being understanding about the time, I hope you like this.

Hantengu clones killing Human Female Reader S/O over an argument by accident and coping with it

Warnings: Femicide, Angst, Reader's death, Victim blaming, Bad coping mechanism,

Sekido:

Sekido got too comfortable... "SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, WOMAN! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME SO ANGRY?!" He is always angry, that is his main emotion, even when he can also feel other things, he can't stop feeling angry. As simple as that is. The only thing he could do is being careful with it. "YOU ARE THE ONE WHO NEVER LISTENS TO ME! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS INPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH?!" None of you even remember what are you fighting about, but it scalated.

You both were just too angry, forgetting what Sekido is. He just slamed the door with the staff with anger, electricity rising with his emotion unconciously. He didn't mean to heat you with it, but the last thing you felt was the air dying in your longs, your nerves burn and spasm with the attack before everything turned black. You hit your head when you fell. Guess you both also forgot what you were.

A mere human, meant to die, sooner or later. And you did sooner, because Sekido got too comfortable around you, not enough to treat you like the rest of the clones, but enough so you couldn't stand his anger. With his many years alive eating humans, he knows the sound of a broken skull. Still, Sekido gets closer to check on you, without pulse or breath. He feels anger negating any other feeling, including sorrow, regret, and anything else a normal human would have felt.

He tabs your body with his staff, making your head blow up due the impact, growling dangerously. "So fucking useless. BET THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, HUH? MAKING ME-" he stops talking. You are not here anymore, so why should he? He just leaves you to rot. The others ask for you, but he shuts them up, forbids them from talking a while, attacks if they do anyway.

Sekido was always violent, too violent. So it happened, and he decided he was not dealing with you anymore.

Karaku:

"Can't you stop? I'm trying to have a seious conversation with you! Not everything is about pleasure!" You are tired of him. You love Karaku, you really do, but he shouldn't.. he can't... you can't even explain what is wrong with him, but you feel... neglected, not taken seriously enough. You hate it, specially since you have no idea what to do. "Nah, you are just stressed. Relax, princess. Stop worrying over nothing." See? He just... "I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU ANYMORE! Why are you such a dick?"

He doesn't get angry, nor sad, he barely listens to you, being the "let's feel pleasure" the only face of his he is willing to show you. Maybe that is what is wrong. Meybe you both just can't emotionally bond the way you would like. You think about it within seconds, still angry, sad, vulnerable and other thousands of emotions that you have been holding up until now. Your eyes become wet, but you don't feel this is a safe space to cry, so you just lash out. "I HATE YOU!"

You tried to hit him as he was not facing you anymore, just wanting to relax, seeking any kind of pleasure, the thing that mades him and holds him together. He just... reacted... Karaku didn't mean anything, but the way the back of his hand impacted your side was too strong, to the point it broke more than a rib that basically stabbed your lung from the side, besides sending you flying. The only thing you remember is trying to breath, blood filling one of your lungs and making you choke.

Your eyes and throat hurted a lot, you could feel Karaku's gentle touch on your body, but besides that? You couldn't see of hear anything. It felt like hours, hours in which everything was more painful and tiredsome until... there wasn't anything anymore. He tried to save you, to bring you to a hospital, but you didn't make it, even with his speed. Finding a secluded place from a more secluded area that was not guarded by slayer but attended late night was impossible.

Karaku makes you a memorial, let's your family and friends know you died, even if they are not telled how. He visits, sometimes. But... even this was not able to change him. "Goodbye princess."

Urogi:

Urogi has hurt you before, accidentally. It's mostly when he plays, he has a hard time being aware of how dangerous his talons can be when around you. He can easily chase and dig those in other demons, in the other clones, without anything bad happening, so he is used to use them. Maybe you should have also considered that the second you decided your usual scoldings should heat up for him to listen to you, but you were becoming desesperate. "Urogi, can't you do ONE thing I ask you?"

At first it looked like it was working, he looked a bit sad, he has always been the clone less attached to his core emotion, mostly due the other animalistic traits. But in this case, those traits were also problematic. You have no idea how to deal with thos ans Urogi won't help with it. It becomes tiredsome. "I just asked you to be careful! Is it really too much?!" Maybe you should have stopped the second he was really looking regretful, because then he got angry at you.

"Where are you going?!" You asked when he clearly wanted to leave and was about to fly away. "Away!" Is all he says as he opens his wings, and you have no idea why you thought grabbing him would be a good idea... maybe that was it, you didn't think. "Don't touch me!" He didn't pay attention where he scratched for you to let him go, but... choking on your own blood with a cut on the neck was painful. So was bleeding out. "Y/N! Y/N! Please, I'm sorry!"

You could hear him plead and beg, as he carries you, trying to bring you... somewhere you could be healed, even if he didn't know where. So he was basically just making gravity make you bleed out more, height making you more dizzy as you grow tired, and tired and tired until... nothing. Just nothing.

The other clones tried comforting Urogi after, he didn't want to be separated from your corpse, but... there was nothing left to do. He still whimps about you, sometimes, and acts as if he was waiting for you to come back... he still waits yor you, at least to tell you he is sorry.

Aizetsu:

Aizetsu is the least violent of the clones, he doesn't attack if it's not on purpose, being always precise in order to give a quick death, as painless as possible. Even when you too have arguments, the few times you are angry enough he can't manipulate you into dropping it by looking sad and apologizing for everything... well, usually he just takes whatever scold you are giving him, waiting for you to calm down in order to avoid conflict. "Y/N. I'm sorry, I feel so bad about it. But could you stop scolding me? It's making me sa-" you interrupt. "Don't you dare making this about you!" Guess this is one of those times.

It gets to the point your throat hurts, that you sonehow forgot what, of everything, you were arguing in the first place. You basically said averything that was wrong but somehow you still feel like there is more to say, and you don't even understand what is going on. What do you want from this? You are basically repeating yourself right now but you are not satisfied at all. Why aren't you satisfied yet? What else is there? Have you forgotten something? That idea alone makes you feel worse.

None of you knows when or how it happened, actually. You both were stressed, to the point Aizetsu started to try and scape from you... using his demon abilities. It wasn't really his fault, he didn't touch you at all. It was an accudent during the chase, none of you would be able to tell what really happened but... you died. You died and, because it fed better into his sadness, the thing that made him, he blames and pities himself. And he pities you. Sadness and sorrow overwhealms him at some point, but he doesn't react to it at allAt least not more than usual.

He makes you a memorial in a place people can see it and carves words, not cearing who finds it. He had to ask Karaku help, but in the end... he will remember you forever. He even keeps some of your things. "I'm sorry, Y/N." He apologizes every time he goes to see you. He barely shows it but... he misses you a lot. But sadness is already part of him, and a important part of him, so... feeling so much sorrow is normal.

Sorrow is too normal, so sometimes he worries he actually doesn't feel anything about your death. Who knows?

[blackpilljesus]

Maybe a bit of an unserious ask for your blog but I can’t believe people actually have sex irl. I’m 20 and only recently made “adult” friends and sometimes when these women casually mention having slept with someone I can’t keep the shock off my face.

I worry that it comes off as judgmental but I sincerely…never considered a daily life where sex is a normal/common thing to do.

Even during my most hormonal teenage years I couldn’t imagine *actually* doing it with someone? I never processed it as a real activity people do(evn though logically i know it). It’s just something from memes to me.

Feel the same way; especially heterosexual ones. Most women dont even enjoy sex they just pretend to because ✨️society✨️

Slightly unrelated but I came across a post on instagram where women spoke about how their partners lashed out at them when they speak up not being pleasured & what the moid should do. Whenever talk of 4B, separatism, etc gets brought up women are very defensive about it. A common reason against it is "you cant expect me to go without dick forever!1!" even though most times they dont enjoy it. However to make things worse it's actively dangerous for osawomen to engage in sexual intercourse, many feel under pressure to fake satisfaction to avoid hurting the partners feelings or making them angry and I'm thinking to myself like why even get into bed with them in the first place?! (Talkless of the STIs) I know it's a cope but whether they want to hear it or not, it's assault & most women are under some type of stockholm syndrome with moids.

The IG post is one of those ridiculous "education" posts but observe how so many women speak about being afraid to speak up about what they want in bed. Tbf most of these women left those partners but the crazy thing is that despite all this, women are still going to go back for more and suggesting they do otherwise will get you a ton of hate.

As an osawoman that doesnt date or reproduce I smile knowing I dont have to personally deal with any of this but occasionally find how twisted heterosexuality is bizarre. Regardless of what others say, it is absolutely the correct path to avoid het engagement. You'll be so much happier and have more dignity.

[audiblehush]

*I've edited this a few times as more thoughts have come to me... like, a lot. People’s reactions to that S3 clips have me just… perplexed and distressed and banging my head against a wall.

People are happy Pen is “dragging” Colin for his one, ONE thoughtless comment the season prior. And I’m like… why do y’all want to see him in pain so much? Why?? We’ve all made mistakes like this and the PenStans are being really unfair to him. His errs pale FAR in comparison to the stuff Pen has done.

Meanwhile, Pen haters are furious and calling her a hypocrite for what she said and want to Colin flip the fuck out at her down the line after the LW reveal.

Both of them have in been wrong and done wrong in multiple instances, again - with varying levels of severity. Pen has done some awful shit (even if she had her reasons) and imo is CLEARLY shame spiraling while ripping into him, in a way that he does not deserve. While Colin has admittedly not only put his foot in his mouth in a pretty public way, and (a much more minor scale) has also been either willfully (doubtful) or naively / innocently (more likely) playing with Pen’s reputation, esp. in S2 in a way that, intentionally or not, lead her on a smidge... NONE of these things justify Pen not giving hi a chance to explain himself. (Though, a reminder that book Colin was always aware of Pen’s crush and careful as a result- we don’t know about show Colin, but I almost hope he’s not aware because that makes some of his choices YIKES... but my instinct is just that he has not felt romantically about her and is hella naive to her feelings).

They can BOTH be wrong!!! We can hold space for both of those truths!! They are both allowed to express that hurt... to a POINT.

I’m tired of people thinking that Pen grappling with her choices has to be a) just… not doing that and pretending she’s perfect (I'm looking at you PenStans) or b) Colin or others screaming at her in punishment or to get on her knees and crawl and repent.

Mind you, this doesn’t mean Pen doesn’t deserve to be called out, she TOTALLY DOES and it is NEEDED for her development and accountability, but why does it need to be done in a way that’s cruel? Two wrongs make a right?? This isn't enemies-to-lovers!!! Eloise already tried an angry outburst and all it did was fan the flames and hurt and made things worse... because Pen lashed RIGHT back out. That exchange started with the intent of causing pain and even when the two inevitably make up, things were said that cannot be unsaid or forgotten. That fight was so painful because they were both hurting and trying to hurt... and they were both partly wrong and both partly right.

The Show!Colin I love is not someone who revels in a righteous anger. He has every right to be hurt by Pen’s choices and to express that hurt, but it’s distressing to me that people want him to blow his top at Penelope in return because she “deserves it.”

1) To me it's OBVIOUS she’s clearly already fucking hurting and NOT COPING WELL and has a lot to grapple with this season regarding her fuck ups and lack of confidence. That doesn't lessen his hurt, but Would Colin really want to do that when his friend is hurting? I don't want a vindictive, smug Colin, not matter how justified he would be in acting that way.

2) In reality, an angry blow up would be so fucking vindictive and unhealthy to BOTH parties and I hope the show doesn’t go that route. I hated angry!book Colin and hope he his “let me grab Pen’s arm and knowingly hurt her as I squeeze because I’m angry so there” stays far away from Show!Colin. He can express his hurt and pain and disappointment ("You're my friend, how could you do that to me?") without a vicious a screaming match (or godforbid manhandling her). In fact, I think it would be less effective for Pen AND less healing for Colin himself.

Pen is hurting and Colin is hurting and I’M hurting because I want my babies to figure it out without harming each other further in shortsighted anger. At least this happens early… I hope Colin gets his say early on too, even if the LW stuff has to come later. I need them to start working shit out.

Why the fuck do people want them to continue hurting each other? Why do you want to see these already suffering characters suffer more?

Who does that benefit?! EDIT: Now I'm seeing takes that they think Pen's mad at Colin for not returning her feelings?! How on earth is that a valid reading when A) she knows that he's in the dark about her feelings? Even when she's snipping at him in this clip, she doesn't say the reason it hurt is because feelings she has. She CERTAINLY doesn't want him to know now B) it's clear that Penelope's self-esteem when it comes to feeling being worthy of love is practically non-existent? Do we think maybe she's angry about the fact that barely an hour after he promised to look out for her he said a phrase that the people around him clearly took in a way that was mocking to Pen? And didn't see him immediately contradict the cruel laughter? Even if it's a large misunderstanding (which I hope it is), it's easy to see why Pen would take that that way if you extend some basic empathy for her. She is not DEMANDING he return her feelings; she was was expecting a friend who wasn't (seemingly) talking about her behind her back. That's not unreasonable (even if she should have confronted him right away about it to clear the air, she was reeling after her friendship with Eloise imploded... she wasn't exactly thinking clearly).

I'm so confused; why do these people who claim to love Polin refuse to try and even remotely understand why Pen is the fucking trainwreck she is right now (or has been since the end of S1 tbh)? Understanding is not endorsement. Empathy is not endorsement. I'm so tired...

[brandileigh2003]

Ok so I've just read all of your posts on Remus Lupin HCs, please allow me to rant into your inbox (kindly, I promise).

I think I completely agree with almost all your hcs here. My absolute favourite being Remus not being able to dance but doing it for Sirius anyway. Because yes!! They are so dedicated to one another, and absolutely remus may not be conventionally attractive, but Sirius sees nothing but the most beautiful man when he looks at him (and vice versa, though it probably goes without saying)

Also, I would like to add my personal favourite: He is the messiest marauder. His work is meticulous, so when he's researching something or fixated on a project he is a stickler for the details, but then he just throws his clothes everywhere when he goes to bed at night.

I adore fics with chronic illness Remus, and the rep is so important. That said, I do find it really fun to explore AUs where he's not afflicted with lycanthropy or analogous illness and the affect that would have on his confidence, his social demeanour etc. (not at all to say you can't be confident and happy with a chronic illness, more that I think it affects Remus strongly, especially because he has a tendency to compare himself to his friends who he's occasionally guilty on putting on a bit of a pedestal, and most especially as a werewolf where he views himself unworthy/monstrous).

But also sorry, I wanted to pile on with the flaws (not because I disagree that he is perfect, but actually I think you've nailed all the positives):

I think that he can occasionally be a bit preachy/know-it-all (not in an ill-meaning way where he's looking down on his friends, but that he feels he's the more responsible/mature one even if it's not always the case) and a bit of a martyr (suffer in silence even to the frustration of his friends who just want to take care of him).

And (to elaborate on one of your points) whereas Sirius will lash out to a fault when he is angry, on the rare occasion Remus is angry at someone other than himself or the world, he will shut it all up and refuse to communicate. Particularly as a teenager before he's developed healthy coping, I can see him doing this almost to a point of toxicity because he doesn't want people to realise that side of him - especially in universes where he is a werewolf. And in the more angsty AUs (though I much prefer all the fluff when it comes to wolfstar) this can be what drives them apart. But let's not think about that.

I won't say I identify most with Remus, because one thing I love about the marauders is that I identify a little with each of them, but I'm absolutely with you on the social anxiety (this is my first time writing someone an ask, and the thought of sending it is absolutely terrifying).

Probably nothing I've said here is very original or groundbreaking, but I enjoyed your hcs so much and then the rant came on. Also, sorry if this comes off as me trying to convince you of anything - I promise I'm not. I'm a very firm believer in 'to each their own', especially when it comes to fictional characters. I also wanted to reiterate something so important you said, and I agree with 100%, which is that good writing can get me on board with almost any characterisation. One of my absolute favourite things about the marauders fandom is where you have all these different hcs floating around and yet they're all so recognisable as the marauders. At his core, regardless of his characterisation, Remus is Remus and we love him for that.

Anyway, nice to rant to you and meet you, in that order. Pls feel free to ignore and delete this from your inbox when you get a moment :)

Hi! Good to meet you. And talking about Remus is one of my love languages so I was glad to see this and the time you spent reading all of my rambling.

I love it when it's discussion like this or that reddit thread bc it's not how I've seen it where it's basically... "My opinion is the only one that matters." Bc it's a huge sandbox and I love the kind conversations like this. And didn't see it as trying to change my mind or anything just adding other great points.

And I'm glad you sent this. I promise, I'm not scary, I love interaction. But I totally get the anxiety. I usually either can't say anything or can't shut up. Working on it, lol.

Bc yes! It's the beauty of fandom that we see this same character and put him in so many different situations and then taking different aspects of personality and either latching on to one aspect, or exploring how things can be different when something shifts. Whenever it be taking out of magical world or like you said authors exploring what remus is like with out any kind of disability or chronic illness.

I think that is a hill I cling to and literally search the AO3 tags for bc it's something that I see in myself bc I've always had different physical challenges. Thats one of main factors that kept me into fandom and drew me to like his character before I ever read fanfic. So I write him that way always. And I search for fics that explore it.

But that said-- a lot on my favorites and rec lists don't feature it.

It's all a preference thing. Of what people search for and crave in a story.

And I like what you said about seeing a bit of myself in all of the marauders. Bc I love exploring and seeing myself in Sirius with mental illness but I guess that can also come back around to remus bc I think that's something they saw in each other and bonded over.

Bc while I think that the friendship between sirius and James is really powerful, and he tells him everything, there's just something about connecting with someone who gets complicated family dynamics even though they look very different, and the results of childhood trauma, etc. and ofc there's more to wolfstar friendship and relationship but I think that is part of it.

Anyways. That didn't go quite where I thought it would but. Such is me on Tumblr lol.

To your hc about him being messy outside of schoolwork, can totally see that

And absolutely, I agree. The man is far from perfect. I didn't go into that quite as much.

But totally makes sense about being know it all sometimes or thinking most nature when not the case all the time .. and I think that can come back to his wanting to be in control issues? Maybe a certain rigidity?

And martyr complex? Absolutely! Him feeling like a burden is something I like to explore and whether it's a physical or monetary thing. I think he's a mix of prideful, stubborn and feeling of being too much.

Love the point about the differences in how him and Sirius can express the anger and how it can lead to miscommunication or hurt and often does. But at the end of the day, I love it when they both work on themselves but still love the other even if it doesn't change. Figuring out how to help each other but yeah. Quite a few on my favorites list do have them divorced or separated for awhile bc those type issues

And it's really late ... So. I probably repeated myself from some of these 4 posts lol. But. Yes.

I hope it didn't seem like I was negating any points, I completely can see yours and maybe just running with it... Like the why's behind.

Feel free to message me anytime whether asks my dm or I can send you a link to one of the discord servers I'm in.

[scoobydoodean]

I always though sam being on research a lot in the earlier seasons was just dean trying to keep him safe without Saying That Out Loud, just like when he was a kid- I mean, I don't believe john was actually down to keep sam out of the fighting until he was like 14 when he literally put a gun in six year old dean's hands, favortism be damned- and by the later seasons it was just something sam grew to actually enjoy, so even if dean loosened the reigns of his overprotectiveness by then, like, why deny the guy some small joy. we know dean likes reading and we know he's genuinely interested in supernatural stuff. so I always just assumed the complaining about research thing was an act to keep sam out of the field until it was absolutely necessary to involve him (since it's pretty much drilled into him to not have a Confrontation with the monster without backup, but the field investigation, while also dangerous, is usually solo)

I'm definitely a believer in Dean is good at research. That said, I guess I just don't think Dean is the one who created the dynamic where Sam often stays back to research to begin with. Dean is perhaps the most prone to work side by side with Sam on research in season 1. (I think not splitting up is actually what Sam is more likely to chafe at in season 4-5, perceiving it as a lack of trust). Sam and Dean do a lot of their work side by side at first instead of splitting up. That isn't to say there aren't plenty of moments where Sam researches alone in the early series. We see Sam bring his research into bars while Dean mingles with locals (also working or not) in 1.15, 1.16, 1.19. However, it's established to be because of Sam's own obsession and his growing desire to isolate himself rather than Dean's influence (in fact, Dean urges Sam to take breaks in 1.15, 1.19, and 1.20—1.19 is largely about how worried Dean is about Sam isolating himself with research as a coping mechanism).

I am starting to wonder to myself though if a lot of where we get "Sam is the research guy and Dean is the gofer" is that in the first three seasons, Sam's extremely driven toward certain goals that necessitate him being heavily embroiled in research and at times, come with him intentionally isolating himself. First it's that he's obsessed with finding John and getting revenge, and in moments where he can't find leads, he lashes out (1.03, 1.10) or he firmly emphasizes searching for cases (1.19, 1.20). Sam spends the immediate aftermath of John's death looking for leads on the demon to the point of getting angry that Dean isn't also buried in books searching for a means of revenge against Azazel and is working on the car instead (2.02). Then it's hunting almost non-stop to cope with John's death then to cope with his destiny (2.09, 2.10, 2.11, 2.18) while Dean is desperate for a break. Then it's searching frantically for a solution to Dean's hell deal all of season 3, and because Sam intentionally does a lot of that research without Dean's knowledge and behind his back, it necessitates him choosing to hang back while Dean goes out so he can work on finding a solution for Dean on the side while covering with the idea that he was doing research for a case. Because Dean spends the first 10 episodes of season 3 not wanting to face his approaching demise and viewing death as an escape, he isn't inclined to do much research in season 3 either.

Season 4 and 5 more generally tend to feature less researching scenes in general though I think, so I'm not sure if it means anything at all that I'm noticing Dean hanging back while Sam goes out lately. This isn't something I have been specifically tracking, but there's so much mytharc and Sam and Dean being batted around by the angels and demons than MotW cases in season 4 and 5... Research tends to be referenced more than shown. I do think it's possible Sam going out more while Dean researches is a function of Sam desiring more control and independence, but I don't believe the dynamic initially developed from Dean being overprotective.

[neurotypical-sonic]

Alright, spill your thoughts about Prime!Tails before the show comes out

Anon what have you unleashed. All of this is spoiler free because I haven't seen the first episode yet.

First thought: I love him I would die for him he makes my chest hurt

More coherent thoughts: he's obviously a little older; he's a little bigger, not as childlike proportions, dark colouring on his ears etc etc. Baby boy's growing up. But it's heartbreaking because it means he's been alone for that much longer, and the fact that he's been dealing with this abuse for so much longer than what og!Tails did.

Without Sonic there to save him from the bullies, he had no one, absolutely no friends or support - I don't know where Amy and Knuckles are in all this, but even if they have never met before, the fact that NO ONE ELSE in Tails' life has been there for him is heartbreaking, not even a brief positive interaction with a stranger. Yes, Sonic has always been the first to stand up for him, but the implication that just Sonic was been the only one willing to give Tails a chance, and because he didn't no one else did... man.

In Sonic's world it kinda makes sense he was the first to protect Tails? He met Tails when he was four, and you can tell by how Sonic told his story that he wasn't really seeing the gravity of the situation. They were just silly bullies being mean, so he chased them off. It's. Not great but you can understand his reasoning, because it looked like stupid school yard bullying. Most adults don't take that seriously, and pass it off as kids being kids or harmless teasing. Sonic got Tails out of that situation, so it's fine now (I'm not trying to say schoolyard bullying isn't a big deal, I'm saying this from Sonic's pov)! And Sonic was always there to support Tails afterwards, help him heal from it, so it IS a thing from the past for him. Not insignificant, but also not a huge deal.

But for Prime!Tails that never happened, Sonic never stood up for him, and it didn't stop at schoolyard bullying. It only got worse and worse. This Tails is bitter and resentful and angry because he HAS to be, it's the only way he could've survived. Flight wasn't working out anymore, he couldn't wait any longer for help, so he switched to fight. He's never had anyone else in his life to keep him going, to give him hope, so the only thing he's got is his anger and spite, that's the only thing getting him through the days. No one was there to teach him any healthy coping mechanisms, to help him see his self worth, to make him see he's not a freak. He's been ALONE this entire time and I'm losing my mind!!!

And so he's sort of reclaimed the whole freak thing. He stresses the fact that he was abused for having ONE extra tail, and so he made himself seven more, made them his greatest invention and in your face and uses them as weapons and defends himself with them. You're gonna call him a freak for having two tails?? Check mate bitch he's got nine now and he's ready to maim. Also the fact that he's only ever seemed to invent out of necessity, only making things to protect himself and give him an edge and not anything just for fun and just because he could does something to my heart.

So he's got all these emotional walls up to protect himself, has survived his way for however many years, and then Sonic comes along and acts all friendly and immediately Tails lashes out because of COURSE he thinks it's a trick, it's some ploy to hurt him. He has learnt again and again that nobody cares about him. I'm very quickly running out of energy and my words are getting jumbled in my head hang on

So he lashes out at Sonic, refuses to believe him, but all it takes is a few words and Tails is hesitating. He's refusing to even acknowledge that Sonic could be telling the truth because it HURTS, someone possibly caring about him is so fucking painful. However. This is SONIC, no matter the universe they have this unbreakable bond. This is Sonic reaching out and Tails can't help but tentatively reach back because it's universal law that they have each others' backs. Tails can't fight that.

I talk about this specific moment here a bit more in depth, but to quickly repeat: Tails' walls start breaking down real fast and despite every cell in his being screaming against it, he starts to trust Sonic, and let his guard down and be vulnrable. He went from "I don't need ANYONE, nobody has friends and I want nothing more than for you to fuck off and leave me alone" to "tell me more about us. tell me more about how we're friends" REAL fucking quickly.

He WANTS to be the Tails Sonic's talking about. He wants that for himself so bad, he wants to have had someone there for when he was younger, and I'm once again repeating myself from a different post, but: him saying “so what else did we do” is even more heartbreaking when you think about how he said it - what else did WE do. not you and this other tails, but ME and you. something something so desperate for crumbs of love and care that he’s willing to settle for second hand friendship.

AND THE WAY HE SMILES AT SONIC AT THE END OF THE CLIP...... It's so genuine and hopeful and!! FUCK!!!!!!!

I do have more to say but I've reached my limit and I'm really struggling for words. I can't wait until it comes out I can't wait to see how they explore their relationship.

[rook-specter]

why Nathaniel Adams/Keizou Amano is unintentionally good BPD representation

fuck you, he's BPD coded and I'm tired of pretending that he's not. (also I may have BPD as well so yeah)

also, pwBPD stands for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that's the phrase I'm gonna use for most of this

Impulsive actions

So basically, he trains himself to be just like Moximous, and I see a lot of impulsiveness in this. also he does this shit:

-Training nonstop

-stopping his plans for the first yo-kai watch

-breaking relationships

there's some other actions that I'm not bothered to remember, but these are the ones I remember vividly. in case you do not know, impulsivity is very common within pwBPD.

while things like consuming drugs and unsafe sexual intercourse arent included in the above list (i mean, ofc, this game is for kids and he's fucking 11), damaging positive relationships is part of this impulsiveness.

Unstable Relationships/Splitting

as said before, Nathaniel had seen breaking his positive relationships with others, notably with Hovernyan/Fuyunyan due to not being able to protect his weaker friend.

basically, Kin and Gin inspirited a couple of bullies that beat up his friend, causing his friend to lash out at him. and then he discovered moximous mask and broke his positive friendships to cope and also to try to be like that superhero.

also, he lashes out at Hovernyan for using the Wicked Stone to bring his grandson Nate into the past to help him, along with lashing out at his grandson. (he didn't know that nate was his grandson at the time but I don't care) and he also lashes out a lot later, such as their second meeting

these actions can be similar to splitting (a BPD-exclusive term in which pwBPD tend to characterize themselves, other people, and situations in black and white), and it may contribute to relationships not being stable. it is possible for splitting episodes to be triggered from minor events or inconveniences (as said about Hovernyan and Nate above)

Intense Emotions/Mood Swings

like I said before, Nathaniel starts off as being angry and irratable, as he lashes out at Nate for just being there. he can also go from calm to angry in just a second, which is something I noticed while watching let's plays of Yo-Kai Watch 2 instead of playing it myself.

One of the symptoms of BPD is that a person rapidly changes their emotions and even often.

he does not only have intense anger, but as well as intense sadness, fear, and obsession, and because of his stress and obsession, he feels more intensely than others do.

Perfectionism

you look at me in the eyes and tell me that Nathaniel isn't a perfectionist. you tell me without shitting yourself.

he feels himself to be bad on the inside, so he tries to prove himself to the world that he can become like the moximous hero Moximous Mask.

in many instances, pwBPD have this kind of perfectionist mindset.

Favorite Person

in the past, that one friend seemed to be Nathaniel's favorite person (or fp for short). and after the story of YKW2, it seems to be fuyunyan. as I said before, his friend lashed out at him for not protecting him, but that impacted him a lot since he broke his positive friendships after that, and declared to not have friends.

now you may be asking, "how would this tie to him having an fp?"

in some cases, pwBPD may have their fp abandon them, which causes them to spiral into nothing, which is much like what happened to Nathaniel.

and later on, Hovernyan becomes his new fp. and when Hovernyan gets hurt, well... let's just say that doesn't go well for him.

------------------------------------

conclusion:

because of how his behavior connects to BPD symptoms listed above (there might be more that i might have missed), he is BPD coded, which is fucking hilarious because this is really good BPD representation even though I don't think that was Level-5's intention.

[septembersghost]

maybe a heavy question for a tuesday night but—how do you manage to be tender and soft and open-hearted without feeling bruised all the time? or, i guess, how do you cope with feeling bruised all the time, if that is how you feel? i feel lately like an exposed nerve, like i’m too vulnerable by half and everyone is pointing and laughing. i feel like i ought to have a thicker skin but i don’t necessarily want to lose the tenderness. i don’t know what to do, i guess.

oh darling anon. i'm sending so much love to you. there is never a wrong time for this kind of question. i don't know if there's a right answer.

so here's what i will tell you from my own experience, subjective though it may be - i have always been an overly sensitive soul, a little too soft and easily wounded, tender heart that's maybe too naively trusting and forgiving. i used to get told to "toughen up" by various people (excluding my mom), there were even (male) family members who'd tease me intentionally at gatherings to try and make me cry because they misguidedly thought that this would cause me to be stronger. and it just made me feel worse, because i felt like there was something too fragile and broken in me, that i'd never be good enough or resilient enough to matter. that somehow the softness was weakness or childishness. it's something i couldn't change. and even when it's a compliment, it can be sharp-edged - you're so sweet, but so quiet! the kindness being something you try for, but the quiet being fear.

many years ago, after i went through a specific traumatic experience, i turned on myself, drove those knives inward, but also briefly lashed out. it's the only time in my life that i reacted in an aggressive way from the wounds. there was a span of months where i was unrecognizably dark and cynical and bitter, numbed to the softer and brighter things i try to hold. (and i was angry, but i don't think anger automatically is a negative thing, it depends how you channel it.) i was also s****dal, and miring myself in such a dark headspace definitely didn't make that better. it was brutal, and when i started to surface on the other side, claw my way back through the thorns of it, i realized...hardening myself like that was worse. it made the whole world feel heavier, and meaner, and harder to find my bearings in, because it simply wasn't me. i fought bloody to get the true sense of myself back, and she is soft and silly and too sensitive and cries a lot, and it's okay. it's okay because it's true, and being true is the only way you don't sink under the worst waves. i strove not to ever lose that again.

(it's why i keep: be soft, and i want to still have a sharp pen and thin skin and an open heart, and you have to be wearing a suit of armor, but have a liquid heart and soul, close in my mind all the time. like little prayers, affirmations. we are allowed to be this way. to exist in our tenderness.)

i know it makes you feel bruised and delicate, and cut open to the ache of the world at times, and like a flayed nerve at times. i know those moments are exhausting and echo around in your head. the only thing i can say is that i also believe being open-hearted is a gift. you feel things deeply and it makes the world richer and more beautiful, it doesn't only give you the pain, it gives you the wonder and the joy too. it doesn't mean it's easy, on the contrary it often is not. to be tender is to be so human. having a great capacity for love is a mitzvah, a blessing. there is no one who is tender quite like you. no one has your heart. this universe needs all the kindness it can get. you are rare and essential. consider that softness like a living thing - if you put it in the dark, it will wither and fade away, but if you let it stay in the light, it will keep doing its very best to blossom and show all its colors. that's what you are, all shimmer and color. those who truly value you will see that and treasure it, but the most important thing is to keep it for you. it's not a weakness. it's a strength.

[noirhistories]

😠🎄💧❤️‍🔥 (for nic)

😠 ANGRY FACE — how easy or difficult is it for you to express your emotions? if you find it difficult, what do you think is holding you back?

i think i'm a pretty open guy? if i'm happy, you know it even without me clapping my hands. and if i'm upset, well, you know that, too.

🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your favorite holiday and why?

jeez, don't give me an easy question now. i don't know i like holidays, but i'm thinking holidays in the summer, maybe fourth of july. i'm not big on the cold and i like how you can get out and do things for the fourth, you're not just sitting down to eat and then having a nap.

💧 DROPLET — are you grieving something or someone? do you feel like you lost something or a part of yourself with it/them?

… my marriage. i still see her because of the custody arrangement, but it's not the same. i don't think you can go through something like this without losing part of yourself. if you can, were you really married?

❤️‍🔥 HEART ON FIRE — what angers you the most? what triggers this anger, and how do you cope with it? what does this anger feel like, if you had to describe it?

i don't get angry a lot, but… shit that reminds me of how my married ended up. it's like… a bubbling pot in my gut, it's like something acidic boiling and churning and burning through my veins. it's like the doctor tapping on your knee with a hammer, my body just wants to twitch and i want to lash out.

[spoiler-alert-andabunchofnumbers]

Not to mention Jin Ling then trying to turn all of his hatred onto Wen Ning afterwards. He's a kid who's been reminded of his parents' deaths with every breath he takes, only having stories about them and being fed Jiang Cheng's unhinged hatred for all the love that was lost. If Wei Wuxian turned out to not be the monster he thought he was, then he...he has to hate someone else!

But then Wen Ning turns out to be even MORE gentle than Wei Wuxian, filled with guilt for what happened, flinging himself in front of Lan Sizhui and saying "I won't fight back, get your anger out on me if it'll put you at ease!"

That scene had me crying too yo. Everyone rallies behind Lan Sizhui and calls Jin Ling out for being too aggressive - no one takes his side, no one understands how much he's been affected by his life. Jiang Cheng's solution is to tell him to get angry, but now that's just turned all of his peers against him and calling him violent and unreasonable. So he just breaks down sobbing saying "Yes, I'm a horrible person!" even though NONE of what happened is his fault and he has a right to be angry and trying to find an outlet for his emotion. He just doesn't know HOW. No one ever taught him, everyone ridicules him for crying and distances themselves from his anger. People treat him delicately yet say he needs to toughen up.

I think the worst part is that Wei Wuxian's first scathing (accidental) comment, "Your mother never taught you any manners" is kinda really true. He never had a mother to teach him to express himself, to support him and be vulnerable with him. We joke about how many uncles Jin Ling has but I mean how many AUNTS does he have? How many mother figures does he have? Qin Su is basically traumatized by the death of Jin Rusong so is maybe not the motherly type. Nie Huisang, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng - unmarried, unmarried, unmarried.

Wei Wuxian is really the first one to A: tell Jin Ling to get over himself and doesn't treat him like some untouchable young master who no one has the right to lord over, B: openly admits when he's sorry and apologizes and teaches Jin Ling the concept of emotional vulnerability, C: stands by Jin Ling's side to teach him to be himself rather than scolding or threatening or guilting him to fit in better. The fact that Wei Wuxian is NOT a woman may even be better because Jin Ling is seeing that men don't have to fit into the unyielding mold of tough guys but can still have fun without being a pushover.

Jin Ling is such a tragedy because there really is no one left to blame. It's not that easy. Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning are responsible, but they're not maniacal villains laughing at the top of a mountain without a care in the world for the consequences. They cared, they had family who were lost, they suffered before and don't want anyone to suffer again - they hate themselves just as much for their part in what happened.

Even Jin Guangyao is such a complicated case for Jin Ling. It's the uncle who was always nice to him, who gave him his spirit dog, who was always putting on a smile. In comparison to Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangyao was a lifeline. And then Jin Guangyao turns out to be a villain who doesn't bat an eye at killing and threatening...but who also didn't WANT these bad things to be "necessary." He too was wronged by the world and lashed out at its unfairness.

This fifteen year old kid has gone through so much, simultaneously pampered into a spoiled brat and utterly isolated from his peers, filled with vengeance for his entire life but also trying to love and be loved. He learned from Jiang Cheng to pretend to be above it all, and he learned from Jin Guangyao to be kind and forgive, but all of it was lies and unhealthy coping. Jiang Cheng essentially taught him to argue with anyone who disagrees with him or looks down on him to assert his dominance, and Jin Guangyao taught him to suppress his desire to speak his mind and never start fights because of etiquette and self-preservation - to the point that he rejects who he is and wants to be.

At this age, Jin Ling's already having to learn the lesson that everyone's going to be throwing opinions around, no one is perfect, you can't easily sort people into categories. In the end, he can take advice from others, but it's up to him to make the choice of who he wants to be. And he's learned that unrelenting resentment makes for an easy path to walk in life, but it's not actually how life works. The cultivation world can turn on someone they worshipped unconditionally. That included Wei Wuxian, that included Jin Guangyao, and even to an extent Jin Ling himself.

He has to take over the Jin Clan after all these scandals and atrocities, but he's become the kind of kid who will answer an insignificant man's plea for help, who is making friends who won't judge him and will stand by him even when he makes mistakes, and by the end of the story he's matured, yet also finally learned to be a kid. Nothing's perfect, none of the tragedies of the past can be reversed (and Jiang Cheng's still gonna get into fights whenever he accidentally runs into Wen Ning), but at least now Jin Ling can choose how he decides to live, who he hates and who he forgives.

while reading the books, i remember wei wuxian’s relationship with jin ling hitting me especially hard. i was crying when the whole stabbing thing happened. but i truly adore what becomes of them and do you know why? because jin ling does something the others could never, something miraculous really––he actually unlearns the prejudice he’s been taught to hold against wei wuxian. he meets wwx, full of disdain, slowly learning about who wwx really is and it has nothing to do with wwx’s outward appearance. and when the truth is revealed, the internal warring for jin ling is plainly portrayed and even if he does give in to a hate intermingled with grief that he has internalised towards this one entity (wei wuxian was never a person in his mind, just the ‘killer’ of his parents, a phantom, before the events of the book happened), you can tell his heart has already turned, that it will keep turning and that’s what happens. you have jin ling, an orphaned child, who hated someone whom his mother loved dearly, because that man caused his parents’ death but it is such a commendable thing that wei wuxian was able to create a space in jin ling’s heart and jin ling was able to accept it. it’s the way both jin ling & jiang cheng blame the death of their parents on wwx but only the former was able to see wei wuxian clearly and actually forge a bond of love with him.

it’s the fact that if ANYONE in this story can actually rightfully hold a grudge against wei wuxian, it’s jin ling, but instead this teenager decides that wei wuxian is much too good and that having him as an uncle is lovely, after all.

[jackalthemagnificent]

I haven't taken my Lexapro in at least a month and I find myself filled with the same seething rage and self hatred I was at 15.

Then, I was a pre-transition just-came-out trans man sheltered in the smallest county in Indiana. I was angry about my situation, being the only out queer person and surrounded by lack of education, and I hated myself because of it.

I focused my rage into educating my peers, my teachers, and the school administration about LGBTQ+ issues. I used nearly every assignment I could to teach and my mum and I were able to get admin to compromise and let me use a separate bathroom and changing room instead of the girls.

I focused my self hatred into research. I did so much research on transitioning, on fitness, on mental health, on history. I learned about the different types of surgeries, about workouts I could do at home to help build muscle in my chest, about how to cope with isolation, about how we got to where we were in 2016 and how I could better myself.

Now, I'm a 22 year old 5-years-on-T hasn't-fully-came-out-again-yet transmasc non-binary trying to find my first solo housing without credit. I'm angry about my situation again but now it's different. I'm angry that I still haven't been able to legally change anything gender wise, haven't been able to get too surgery, and I'm angry my parents never taught me how to build credit. I hate myself because of it.

I've been convinced since middle school that I wouldn't make it past 23 at the latest.

I have nothing to focus my rage and self loathing on. I feel like an animal trapped in a corner. I'm anxious, I'm angry, I'm guilty. I've isolated myself this time to the point I've lost the two friends I had and live with. I don't want to lash out at them and I know they don't like me anymore so it's best to just avoid.

I'm picking up my refill when the pharmacy opens. Hopefully, it will help.

[academicdisasterfic]

Microfic: every last bit

'Draco, I don't know why you're getting upset--'

'No, you wouldn't, would you?'

'I'm sorry I implied I might actually like who you are--'

'Why? Why?'

'You're funny, Draco, and kind, and--'

'No. No, I don't want to hear about that, Harry. I don't want to know why I'm good.'

'But you are--'

'I just spent six hundred Galleons on a designer bag.'

'Okay, but--'

'Honestly, the amount I donate to charities is paltry, Harry. Pennies, for how much I'm worth.'

'Okay?'

'I got angry at Pansy last weekend because she made fun of my hair. I called her a stupid bint and poured red wine down her new white jumpsuit and I am refusing to admit it was an overreaction or pay for it.'

'...go on.'

'I'm still scared of muggles. I haven't visited Blaise's new baby yet. When my ex cheated on me, I told his work that he had a serious contagious disease and they put him on indefinite leave--don't laugh--and when you got drunk and told me about your childhood I tracked down where the Dursleys are currently living and I Confunded the local Mormons and convinced them Vernon needed saving and now he never gets peace and I don't feel bad at all.

I still love my father, even though I don't want to. I don't think Dumbledore was a hero, and sometimes I get very angry and lash out and hurt the people around me. Part of me still hates you because you don't have to try to be good, and I do. I'll probably hurt you at some point, and I won't be sorry right away, because I get too caught up in my head.

I've known you loved me for months, and I've loved you my entire life, and I haven't done anything because I am so fucking cowardly, Harry, and I could survive living without you but I couldn't survive losing you. So don't tell me why I'm good, because you're about to see all the bad, and if you can't cope with that then--mmmph.'

'...I always knew you'd be a good kisser.'

'Harry, you need to answer the question.'

'There was a question?'

'Harry--'

'I'll take all of you, Draco. Every last bit.'