#i'm holding off on some other thoughts until this week's episode but

[utilitycaster]

Something I wish got explored more with Laudna is the way she pushes people in a way that feels very much about living vicariously through them. That's always been one of the most interesting things about her and Imogen to me - this idea that perhaps Imogen could live a better life than she did, the constant insistence that Imogen is capable, the fact that she is at her most passionate when telling Imogen to live on. It feels like that's the more generous way to understand how she responds to Fearne not taking the shard and how she pushes both Fearne and Ashton to enter a relationship with each other as well; a desire for Fearne and Ashton to live well, misguided though it might be at times. It's one of her more interesting and consistent traits and I wish we saw more of it.

[roosterforme]

How Do You Feel About the Parking Lot? (Rooster x Reader)

Part of The What If Collection of blurbs for Roo and Baby Girl. My masterlist. Banner by @mak-32

Warnings: language, drinking, angst, fluff

You were excited at first. Very excited. You showed off your ring to everyone and gushed over the fact that you were engaged. And while you were still wearing his mom's engagement ring, it was becoming obvious to Bradley that things were not quite as they should be.

"Hey," he said softly as he walked into the kitchen. It was exactly nine weeks ago that he'd proposed in the dining room and you'd happily accepted that ring that glittered on your finger right now. But tonight you just mumbled something at him without looking up from your computer where you sat at the island. It was nearly midnight on Friday, and he would have given anything for you to start planning this wedding with him. "Are you coming to bed soon? I thought we could talk about potential wedding dates."

"Oh," you replied without looking up at him. "I'm still putting this presentation together."

Bradley sighed. "Baby Girl, you've been working nonstop for weeks. I just want... a little bit of your time." He wanted a lot of things, actually. Like a long snuggle on the couch while you and he watched a movie, or a soak in the tub together. He'd love a blowjob or pinning your hands above your head while he slammed you into the bed. But mostly he'd love to plan his wedding to you, because more than anything, he wanted to get married this year. And it was already late September. 

You glanced up at him and adjusted your glasses. "How about tomorrow? I really need to get this done before my work trip."

"Sure," he whispered before pecking you on the cheek and heading off to climb into bed alone. 

But it only got worse from there. You worked all weekend. On Monday, you didn't come home until seven o'clock. Tuesday was eight o'clock. By Wednesday, he wasn't sure if you were even eating or sleeping any longer. And worse yet, you were leaving for Annapolis in a few days. Bradley wouldn't even see you for a week. Not that he really saw you now, he supposed. 

He ate a bowl of cereal for dinner before sinking down onto the couch with Tramp and a bottle of scotch. He turned on Real Housewives, but he wasn't really watching it. He took a sip, and it burned. But the next one didn't. And neither did the one after that. He started to feel better. But he'd stop when you got home. 

Another episode started, but it still wasn't holding his attention the way you would have, and that's when he realized it was once again seven o'clock, and you still weren't home. When his phone rang, he sloshed some of the alcohol onto his tee shirt reaching for it, and he was praying it was you calling to tell him you were on your way home. 

He pressed his lips together and then took a deep breath before he answered. "Hi, mom."

"Bradley! I haven't heard from the two of you in days! How's your lovely fiancée? And Tramp?"

The dog must have heard her voice through the phone, because he perked right up. But Bradley couldn't answer with anything other than a raspy, "Fine." 

The line went silent. "Are you sick? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, mom," he lied. "How are you? How's dad?"

"Well, I went to lunch with Brenda, and I got the scoop on all of her kids. And your dad needs hearing aids, but he keeps arguing with me about it. Maybe you can talk some sense into him, if he can even hear you."

"Okay," he replied, realizing the room had started spinning when he leaned back against the couch.

"Bradley, are you drunk?"

How could she possibly tell? His own wife-to-be couldn't seem to see what was going on, but Carole could tell by his voice from almost three thousand miles away. "I'm... fine, mom. I need to take Tramp for a walk. I love you and dad. Bye."

Then he ended the call, because he could feel tears in his eyes. And when you got home at nine, he was already asleep. 

-------------------------

You needed to go to happy hour with your boss and coworkers on Friday, but you really didn't want to. You'd been pulling twelve hour days, and you were so exhausted, you just wanted to climb into bed with Bradley and sleep until you left for Maryland on a Saturday night red eye flight. You also really needed to tell him that he had to lay off the wedding planning until you finished this work project. It was just a few months of all these extra hours, and you desperately wanted to be promoted. 

Your plan was to stop home quickly and change out of your uniform before heading back out with everyone to celebrate that fact that you were going to present your research at the Naval Academy. When you pulled into the driveway in your shitty, little red car, the Bronco was already there. But when you looked around the house for Bradley, you didn't immediately see him. But then you heard his voice through the open sliding glass door. He was sitting on the back patio in just his gym shorts with his back to the door and a half empty bottle of scotch set on his knee. 

His voice sounded miserable as he said, "I tried, mom. She just... doesn't seem to want to. I don't know what I did wrong." 

You froze in place. He had to be talking about you. Embarrassment and sadness filled you as you listened to what he said next. 

"I really wanted to get married this year."

You ran down the hallway to the bedroom as you fought off your tears. You had to get changed and go right now while you still could. In another week, you'd have a little more time to talk to him about the fact that you couldn't plan a wedding and get married in the next three months with your current schedule. 

You left the house again without talking to him, but he was still sitting on the patio on the phone. And when he dropped you off at the airport the following evening, he didn't seem to want to let you go as he whispered, "I love you, Sweetheart," and ran his thumb along your ring. 

"I love you too, Roo. I'll be home in a week, and then we can talk about maybe planning a wedding for next year?"

He swallowed hard and nodded. "If that's what you want."

---------------------------

When you landed in Maryland on Sunday morning, you were still exhausted and looking forward to crashing until your presentation on Monday. But Carole called you when you were at the baggage claim, and you knew you had to answer. A guilty feeling was about to eat you alive as you put on a bubbly voice and said, "Hi!"

"Have you arrived in Annapolis?" she asked straightaway, and you sighed because at least she didn't sound angry with you. 

"I did," you told her softly. "Still at the airport."

"Perfect," she replied. "I'll leave now, and I'll be there in less than fours hours, and we can go get lunch."

You were so stunned, you watched your bag go past without realizing you needed to pick it up. "You're going to drive up from Virginia?" you asked her slowly.

"Yes. I'm grabbing my keys right now. Bye, Goose! I'll be back later!" You listened to her call out to her husband, and then a few seconds later, you heard a door close and a car start. She was actually going to drive up here.

"Oh, okay," you muttered, pressing your lips together, embarrassed about where you'd left things with her son. "I'll... see you in a few hours."

You managed to take a short, restless nap while you waited for Carole to arrive. You changed into a simple dress and put on some makeup, but you didn't really feel any better until you met her at a restaurant in the city. She rushed down the sidewalk toward you with a bright smile on her face. "My sweet girl!" she called out, wrapping you up in a hug next to a few tables full of people enjoying their lunch outside. "It's been too long." She kissed your cheek and started to lead you inside. 

"Thanks for driving all the way up here," you told her, not bothering to fight the smile tugging your lips. She was absolute sunshine, and it was pointless to try to resist it. "You didn't have to do this."

"Nonsense," she said as the two of you made your way to a booth. "I wanted to see my future daughter-in-law."

You nodded and enjoyed some pleasant conversation. She told you all about Goose's appointment with an audiologist and about Brenda's kids. And after you finished your avocado toast and bowl of soup, she said, "Now, I think we should talk about what's really important."

Her voice wasn't unkind, and she was still smiling softly, but you knew what was coming as you whispered, "Okay."

Carole reached across the table and took your hand gently in hers. "I know you're smart and independent. And I also know that's part of why Bradley loves you so much. You don't need him. He's not offering you anything you can't get on your own or with someone else. You chose him, because you want him." Tears started to fill your eyes, and you had to swallow against the lump in your throat. "And he just wants you to be happy, so he would never tell you to your face that you're hurting him."

You tried to speak, but you just made a pathetic sound and started to sob. "I don't want to hurt him."

"I know you don't," she replied softly, squeezing your hand. "I know you're not trying to. But I think you need to tell him once and for all that you don't want to get married this year so he can finally get used to the idea of waiting a bit."

You buried your face in your free hand. Why were you trying to push it off anyway? It's not like you really cared where you got married or what the two of you were wearing. Planning some sort of huge celebration was not something you wanted to spend your time doing. You wanted to be with Bradley exactly as you were right now, just with two more rings and a certificate involved. 

When you looked up at Carole, you whispered, "I don't really think I actually want to wait. And I don't want you to hate me either."

"No," she gasped, standing and coming to sit next to your on your side of the booth. She kissed your tear streaked cheek and whispered, "I could never, my sweet darling girl. I think you just need to talk to Bradley, okay? Can you promise me you'll give him a few hours of your full attention? And maybe let him know how much he still means to you?"

"Yes," you croaked, and you let her hold you as you cried.

---------------------------

The week without you was kind of miserable. Bradley managed to dump the rest of the bottle of scotch at Carole's urging over the phone. And he did notice that she and Goose started calling with a bit more frequency which he didn't really mind. But the best part was that fact that you called him every night before you went to bed. 

Every time he answered your calls, his heart thundered in his chest. And as soon as he called you Sweetheart, he could practically hear you smiling through the phone. "I can't wait to pick you up on Friday," he said over and over. If he just felt like he mattered to you again, then he could wait until next year to get married. That was no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

But when he met you in baggage claim at San Diego International late on Friday night, he was so surprised, he could barely speak. You ran for him with a garment bag in your arms, but you let it fall to the floor when you reached him. "Roo," you moaned as soon as you were in his grasp. "I missed you so much." You kissed him deeply. "I just got off the phone with your mom again. And I didn't tell you before, but I went to see my friend Caleb a few days ago," you said as you smirked.

"The tattoo artist?" he asked as he kissed your cheek fifteen times. When you nodded he asked, "What's in the garment bag?"

"My wedding dress."

"Holy shit." He scooped it up off the floor and held it tight. "You bought a dress?" he asked, trying to hold you and the garment bag both to his chest at the same time.

"Yes," you told him matter-of-factly as you tugged him toward the exit while you kissed his lips. "How do you feel about getting married in the parking lot in two months?"

------------------------

[romanoffsbish]

Cooking With Timmy

Florence Pugh x Pregnant!R

Warnings: Brief mention of loss

Florence entered your shared home with a long, drawn out sigh, it'd been a long week away, and all she wanted was a glass of wine, a decent meal, and to fall asleep holding you.

Her plans faltered though when she stumbled into the hallway and peered into the kitchen.

There she found a curious little boy on the floor with an array of seasonings, pots and pans.

"Hey guys!" He shrieked at his iPad that was recording. "Welcome back to Cooking with Flo, I'm Timmy Pugh, her fill in until she returns."

——

Florence bit back a chuckle, as well as a sob because this is the first time he'd called himself by her namesake that she'd heard. It'd been about three years since you and Flo had taken the orphaned boy in, so this was monumental.

Back then your relationship was still fresh, it'd only been a year, and though it was blissful, you'd only just said I love you to each other in a way that mattered before you got the call that changed everything. Being parents one day was a conversation you'd vaguely had with each other while drinking yourselves silly. It was believed to be a far off subject to broach when things got serious. Not on a random Tuesday.

So, when your close friend Laura was in a life ending accident, you couldn't exactly deny her final wishes that designated him to be given to the both of you. His father wasn't around, and her chaotic family wasn't an option. She clearly had faith in your relationship, you confirmed that when you found out she signed you up for parenthood before you were even a couple.

She just hadn't told you since she thought she had time, but the universe is fickle that way.

Florence and you wasted no time, you got your paperwork together, and went down to the courthouse the following morning to legally bind yourselves, it felt rushed, but even with the fear of the moment backfiring in the future it was still easy to say I do. Florence was your forever, you always knew that deep down.

With marriage came the name changes, Y/N Pugh had a ring to it, and it also offered security over the smooth custodial transition of your son, Timothy Pugh, who at the time had only just turned three when you took him in.

It was easy enough for him to trust you since he knew you well, but he still had quite a hard time. Every single day came with blow out tantrums that would put a strain on anyone. Florence was sometimes too exhausted from her long days on set to handle his episodes with kindness, so you decidedly took turns.

When she was clearly at a low energy level you'd send her to relax, then you'd scoop the boy up, and sing him a lullaby you recalled his mom would sing to him. This always worked. Because when it was your turn to be spread too thin Flo would pick up the slack. She'd put the emotional toddler on her hip, and animatedly describe to him her day as she made dinner.

Every time you'd reconvene, and the parent that couldn't handle the tantrum would take him and offer him gentleness as they got him ready for bed. He'd go down in his bed, but without fail he'd wind up between you both.

It was complicated, but with therapy, and the sweet reminders of his mother, things began to look up around his fifth birthday. Once he started grade school he was able to cycle some of his energy into recess or making friends.

Soon enough he was the happy go lucky boy you remembered him to be before he lost his mom. He'd actually been calling you mama for the last year now, you beamed the first time.

Florence however had been met with Flossie. Something he was familiar saying since he was two, so it just carried on, but it always worried her that he didn't feel comfortable calling her mom. She wondered if her work schedule made him feel less valuable, or as if she was only a guest in his home that she partially owned.

Then she heard him continue his monologue, her hazel eyes closed as a couple happy tears streamed down her face, her heart felt full.

"Mommy Flossie is really busy right now," he informed his crowd of zero. "Mama said she is working on a new movie, because she's like a superstar or something. How cool is she?!"

He paused to shake a salt shaker over a pot that was actually empty, but his mimicry of Flo's mannerisms was shockingly spot on. Especially as he lifted a wine glass of juice to his lips, Florence felt a wave of embarrassment at being so incredibly transparent to her son.

"My friend Jackson told me she's British." He frowned as he shrugged, not understanding the implications of his friends words. "But then my friend Amelia said she's actually a superhero," he relayed excitedly, "I like her idea better."

He stirred the faux contents of the pot with a wide grin that Florence admired through the recording on his screen as he rambled on.

"Spying on our son are we?" Florence jumped as you suddenly spawned behind her. She turned to face you immediately, her hands took their rightful place, one on your protruding baby bump, and the other cupped your cheek.

"He's recorded like five episodes today."

Florence deeply pouted, "I'm missing it, huh?"

You shook your head, wrapping your arms around her neck so you could pull her into a soft kiss, your baby bump slotted to the side of her body as she melted into the affection.

"One of us had to work my love," you reminded her. "Acting was always your dream, becoming a parent wasn't on your 2020 Bingo card."

"Neither was a global pandemic that forced us to move into the same house two months into our relationship if we wanted it to work. It was like the world wanted to make sure we never broke up." Florence smiled at the thought.

"Yeah, 2020 was an odd year," you teased, and kissed her smirking lips, the kiss was heatless, but passionate in its own regards. It lasted an entire minute until your sons voice cut in.

"Mama! I want to make dinner tonight."

You stared down at him with a practiced quirk of your brow. Florence watched as the two of you stared the other down until he softly sighed, "Mama, can I please help with dinner?"

"What a polite boy, thank you for offering to help and using your manners baby, but I was going to order in since this one just got home," you gently crushed your sons dreams, you couldn't help it, but you'd been craving a big mac with extra pickles and sauce all day long.

Florence shook her head though, and scooped the much bigger boy up with an ease that reminded you of her Marvel workout regimen.

"I could really use a sous chef so that Mama and your baby sister here can eat something besides Maccy's." Florence evaded your hand as it attempted to slap her in the shoulder. "We better hurry bubby, Mama seems hangry."

Timmy giggled wildly on her hip as she ran the pair of them to the kitchen. You smiled at the scene as it unfolded before you with a hand on your bump. Rubbing it fondly as you saw the wonderful mom your wife was that she herself didn't exactly see. Florence might not always be home, but she was always there when she was, and that alone counted for everything.

"Mama! Go sit down and relax!" You smiled, and shook your head at your sons outburst.

"Okay, you two make sure not to burn my kitchen down!" Florence scoffed, "As if..."

Florence and Timmy started by washing all the pots he'd used as toys, then afterwards she rewarded the boy with a kiss on his cheek that made him giggle and her heart soar. Then she propped her phone up and started up a cooking with Flo. Tim's hands and voice were all she allowed on the tape, your son was aware of his exposure to the internets limits so he didn't take any offense. He happily played his part.

The duo decided to try their hand at making a Big Mac for you, vegan patties of course. This led to the blonde gushing about you and the pregnancy on her story as your son filled them in on the things even Florence hadn't seen. It made her feel guilty all over again for having not been here for huge chunks of your lives.

She knew you were right, that she had a career to build so your family would be secure. It didn't stop her from wanting to quit though. Hearing about how tired you've been from the babes mouth made her wonder if the spotlight she found herself under mattered anymore.

When she had a growing boy who deserved her sole attention before your infant arrived, and you who deserved to rest in this last trimester.

Florence texted her manager as your son set the table all on his own. He beamed up at your wife whenever he felt he did something right, and she always praised him, never letting the argument on her phone interfere with their precious time together. "Mommy?"

The blonde nearly dropped her phone as he directed the title at her. "Yes bubby?"

"Is it true that you're a super hero?"

She smirked, "I'm actually an anti-hero."

Timmy looked at her puzzled, he now stood right in front of her wearing the expression so that she could catch onto his confused drift.

Florence dropped to her knees so she could look him in the eyes as she spoke. "That's when the person is in between good and evil. They are trying to figure out the best way to make things work, sometimes they do good, and others they do really bad things. Way cooler."

"What's cool?" You asked as you settled down at the table, Florence froze as your son enthusiastically cheered, "Being the bad guy."

Florence's jaw dropped, she attempted to fix the moment, but fortunately Timmy did.

"She was telling me about her character."

Dinner went smoothly from there, your moans of appreciation told your wife she'd done the food of your heart justice. It made her happy to take care of you, knowing that she was able to give you what you wanted, while making sure your daughter got the nutrients she needed.

Also, it made her feel less guilty being able to take some of the load off of you. You'd never complained, you simply took it all in stride, but she sees the way your smile is tired, and she catches the hand pressed into your lower back.

Carrying a baby is no joke, she knows that, so she does whatever needs to be done when she's home, and after tonight she plans to be here far more often. In a weeks time she'll be done with her current film, and the other's won't start shooting until after your daughters birthday.

When your son saw you getting up with the dishes he stopped you with a hand on your bump, and carried it to the sink for you. Flo scooped him up moments later, and tickled him until he was unable to breathe right.

"Careful Flossie, don't suffocate my baby." Your lover rolled her eyes, then she made her way over to help your wobbly self to your feet.

"You go take a nice long shower my love, I'll handle his bedtime routine." Florence kissed your cheek, and Timmy mirrored her action as he was sat on her hip. "You deserve it mama."

"Thank you my loves," you couldn't hide the emotional timbre of your voice, your eyes glistened in a direct call out. "Goodnight to you then my baby boy, I'll see you in the morning."

Timmy grinned, "We're making french toast!"

"My tummy is already rumbling," you enthused back, then happily slipped off to your en suite.

After Timmy was clean and in his PJ's, she decided to bring him with her to your room. Where she read him a story as he laid on her, and within a few minutes time he was snoring.

Florence carded a hand through his damp hair, she watched him in amusement as his eyes fluttered beneath the lids. Her tired mind wandered to what he might be dreaming about, the possibilities with him are endless, but she is almost certain it's either dinosaurs or fairies.

His obsession with Tinkerbell was her favorite.

"What's got you smiling?" Florence's lips widened when she saw you toweling your hair.

"I was thinking after the baby is six months we could leave her with my parents and take Tim-Tim here to Disneyland." She placed a kiss to his forehead then went on. "He is big enough to ride things now, and he'd love to meet the characters. We can do the brunch with them."

You smiled at her, delighted by her idea, but then your brows furrowed in confusion. "What about that horror film you were excited for?"

"I told them to push the filming to the end of 2024, or to recast me." Florence shrugged with an air of genuine indifference. "They moved it to October, so baby Pugh will be a year old."

"Baby Pugh," you softly repeated, hand softly caressing your bump as you realized you'd yet to give your daughter a name. Even when she was due to arrive within the next two months. Florence's hand joined yours as you stood beside the bed, and before she could soothe your worries she was gasping, "She kicked."

In all seven months of your pregnancy the little girl had yet to let Florence feel the harsh jabs she subjected you to. One time, when Flo felt like sleeping on the couch, she'd told you that you had to be exaggerating. You weren't, and she knew that now. Sometimes you wondered if you watched Flo's "Fighting With My Family" one too many times whenever you missed her. Because you were now absolutely certain your daughter had the potential to be in the WWE.

"I'm glad that brings you joy," you teased through a wince as the little one kicked again, this time much stronger, your belly even shook.

"Oh darling, I'm so sorry I doubted you," Flo giggled softly as she saw an imprint form under the skin, and you smiled tenderly down at her as you moved to put your hand over hers. "You should be, it's because she hears you talking."

Florence tried to deny it, but you were already two steps ahead of her. Showing her the videos of whenever she kicks, and how it's usually as you rewatched old family videos. Each shake or prod of your belly followed her laugh or words.

Your wife gently moved the boy on top of her onto the mattress, then stood up, briefly she kissed your lips before bending to be eye level with your pregnancy bump. "Hello Lyla," she tried, but she was met with a sudden stillness.

"Okay, how about hello baby Patricia."

"No," you vetoed immediately, then the both of you felt a powerful kick, baby Pugh agreed.

"I'm running out of names little one."

"Florence, that was two names," you laughed and she looked up at you with a tired smile. "I'm jet lagged my love, please do forgive me."

"Come on then," you paused, taking her hand in yours as you guided her to her side of the bed, "We'll discuss everything in due time."

Florence however flipped your positions, and gently helped you into your side. Then she straddled your thighs, leaving you to quirk a distrusting brow at her. She shook her head, then gestured to the sleeping boy beside you before her hands began to bring you to bliss.

Every press of her hands against your bump was heavenly, and in no time you yawned. It was a miracle that you were still awake when she finally finished. Clambering off of you she moved to sit beside you instead, leaning down so she could kiss all over your face before she landed on your lips with a contented sigh.

"I think Samantha could be cute." You both chuckled when a soft kick resounded beneath her hand that was still settled atop your bump.

"Timmy and Sammy against the world?" You both chuckled softly at your sleepy son's voice cutting through the already sweet moment. "We could be like mommy and be anti heroes."

"Where does that leave me?" You inquired, and he sleepily shrugged, a move that brought him closer to you, he easily snuggled into your side. "At home making all of us cookies of course."

"Oh of course," you conceded, but sent your wife a disapproving, heatless glare over it.

"A cookie might make us less evil mommy," he reasoned. "Mommy's are never as sweet."

Florence had already settled in behind your son, wearing a mischievous grin as she leaned in to whisper: "That's cause mama pours the entire bag of chocolate chips into the batter."

"Go to sleep," you barked. "Both of you."

"Yes ma'am," the two giggled in sync and you couldn't help but to smile at their childish camaraderie. "I love you mama," your sons tired whisper of affection made your eyes glisten. "I love you too bug." Then he sweetly rubbed your belly. "I love you Sammy Pugh."

He giggled as she kicked, "She loves me too."

"Of course she does," you reasoned, settling a kiss to his temple. "You're her big brother."

Florence observed the moment with an adoring smile, but it held an obvious longing as well. It wasn't unlike her to watch moments like this between the both of you, it's one of the main reasons she was so adamant on taking a break.

Timmy deserved her time, and she not so secretly craved his reserved affections.

Then he rolled over, she softly gasped as he burrowed into her chest. "I love you mommy." Her arms wrapped around him tightly, and she shakily whispered, "I love you my lil sous chef."

Florence's eyes sought yours out as soon as his soft snoring filled the space. You'd already been looking at them, neither of you said a word, you just admired the other as a steady flow of happy tears trailed down your faces.

This was all either of you had ever wanted. A happy little family, unconventionally formed, but brought to the now by unconditional love.

——

3,135 Words

❤️ K 💋

[a-little-buggy]

"Amore mio, we cannot keep doing this." Ezio paced across the wooden floor, running his hand through his hair. It was entirely dark out, and the room was lit by a single candle on the table. "You were gone two full days! I practically turned this city upside-down looking for you!"

"How was I supposed to know I was still seeing things!? I genuinely thought it would wear off before now!" Desmond was sitting in a common room chair; the dark circles under his eyes were accentuated by his washed out complexion. He had just come from a bath, otherwise he would still be coated in sweat and hay. "I thought after a few weeks everything would just go back to normal! Well. . ." Desmond gestured around at the Renaissance assassin's guild hall. "Normal being relative, and all."

Ezio pulled a chair over by Desmond and sat down, picking at the stray straws of hay still glued to Desmond's skin. "I know that you are just trying to keep active, but please. If I get another report of you passing out in an alley, or landing in the river, I swear to Christo I will go gray." He stopped and cupped his hands around Desmond's face. "Don't do this to me, Desmond. I'm too young for gray hair."

"Oh don't worry, it'll be just as popular with the chicks as ever." Desmond gave a *swish* of his imaginary long locks, but the motion made his head spin. He braced his arms against the table. "Though I personally have less interest in the grandpa-type."

"Molto bene, that means you should have a personal investment in not causing me any more stress!"

"You think it's stressful for you? You're not the one running an imaginary Boston Marathon every other weekday!" Desmond scoffed, and laid his head down on the table in such a way as to still be able to give Ezio the stink eye.

"You know that isn't how I meant it. I just wish I could convince you to stay safe." Ezio rocked his chair back, and set his heels on the corner of the table. "At the very least, until we have some kind of answer as to when these episodes occur, or why."

Desmond gave a deep, shuddering sigh. "What if we never get any such answer? What little I know about bleeds is that I originally got them from using the Animus. Except now, I've somehow traveled back through time, so who even knows what kind of effects that could cause."

Ezio pressed a finger to his forehead. "Wait a moment. What is the Animus?"

"Seriously? It's the device that showed me your memories. We talked about this a few days ago."

Ezio removed his feet from the table and sat upright, eyeing Desmond suspiciously. "And when was this again, exactly?"

"Why? I. . . I guess it was four days ago, now, so Thursday? I remember it was raining."

Ezio bit his lip and grimaced, then giving a deep exhale placed a gentle hand on Desmond's leg. "I had a contract in Forlì that day."

"No, no. You're kidding." Desmond pushed off of the table and sank down into the wooden chair, as if it could absorb the impact of this new revelation for him. Ezio couldn't have imagined Desmond getting any paler, but he had. "No. No no no no no Ezio I -"

"Hey, it's alright, you're alright, I just need you to breathe." Desmond was badly shaken by this point, and his legs had given out, leaving him sinking to the floor. Ezio grabbed hold of his shoulders, trying to ease his downward descent.

Desmond's voice cracked. "No, no, it's not alright!" He grabbed Ezio back, desperate for some kind of tether. "How can you stand there and tell me it's alright, just after telling me that you may not even be here!?!?"

"I am here, though. I'm here." Ezio wrapped his arms tightly around Desmond, holding him as close as he possibly could. What else could he do? "Just try to breathe."

And so the two sat there, as the candle burned down to a stump. Slowly, Desmond's shaking turned to shuddered breathing, which turned to deep breaths.

Ezio rubbed Desmond's shoulders. "It may not be much longer until daybreak. Do you think you are ready to try for some sleep?"

Desmond slumped forward, burying his face in Ezio's chest. "Honestly? I think I'm too exhausted to make it to bed. Here seems fine."

Ezio chuckled. "For you, perhaps, but I am a creature of comfort." With one of his arms still wrapped around Desmond's back, he slid the other one under Desmond's knees and stood up, carrying him off towards the bunks.

Desmond wrapped his arms around Ezio's neck. "My hero," he sleepily crooned.

"Don't sing my praises just yet, amò." Ezio shifted Desmond's weight, fumbling to turn the doorknob. "I may expect you to return the favor one day."

"What?!" Desmond gasped, playing up the dramatics. " 's not fair, you're much bigger than I am!"

"Is that meant as a compliment or an insult?"

"I dunno yet." Desmond yawned. "I'll decide later, when I need one or the other."

Soon enough, they both had clambered into bed, and were able to get some much needed sleep.

-----

Desmond spent the next few days occupying himself in the base. Besides helping sort through the dispatching of contracts, he got caught them caught up on some long overdue weapons orders and offered advice to whatever young assasin might come knocking. This was his favorite task. It was a reminder of a simpler time, of when he could stand behind a bar and just chat with people about whatever was ailing them. Except this was a little more murder-y. But having been a bartender in New York, it was not so much more murder-y as one might think.

But all the same, he was beginning to feel cooped up. And so he went to seek audience with the Mentorè, about perhaps being allowed on a group mission of some form.

There were two novices already in Ezio's office, a boy and a girl. They were likely discussing the details of an upcoming contract. Having already opened the door, Desmond knocked on the doorframe. Ezio waved him in.

"What can I do for you, Desmond?" Ezio propped his elbows up on the desk and clasped his hands, resting his chin on top of them.

"Oh, it can wait. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Desmond glanced over at the novices, who in fairness, seemed unperturbed.

"So can this. Please, continue." Ezio leaned back in the chair, and the two young assassins stepped to the side.

Desmond cleared his throat. "With your permission, Mentorè," On this word he did a slight bow. Ezio rolled his eyes. "I would wish to be sent on a mission. As part of a group, of course," He hastened to add. "It's just. . . I don't do well feeling confined. And I'm about ready to go stir-crazy in here."

One of the novices smirked. "Is that different from the regular crazy somehow?" He asked. Desmond gave a dry, mocking laugh in response, but then turned back to Ezio and. . . Oh shit.

Desmond always knew that Ezio Auditore da Firenze was a dangerous man. He knew of all his great conquests, and had seen the fear in the eyes of his enemies. And yet somehow, to see the master assassin here and brimming with fury, it felt like the first time he really understood how terrifying such a man could be.

The other novice slapped the first upside the head, and then grabbed him by the wrist. "Thank you for the advice, Mentorè. We will send word as soon as we complete our task," She said, dragging him out the door, which closed firmly behind them.

Ezio took a deep breath, and settled back into his seat.

Desmond shuffled his feet. "Hey, so umm, you wouldn't have actually murdered that kid, right?"

"Fortunately, we will not have to find out." Ezio shot what he assumed was a comforting smile up at Desmond (it wasn't) and then rifled through some papers on his desk. "I actually have a mission that should suit you just fine. It should be straightforward, a matter of some scouting and interrogating a handful of people. There will be two others with you, and you will cover a fair bit of ground. Benè?" Ezio handed over a map with a few directions and way points marked on it.

Desmond nodded. "Yeah, benè. Thank you, Ezio."

"You're welcome. You leave in an hour. And Desmond," He continued, once Desmond had turned to leave. "I know you are highly skilled, but do still be careful."

"I will." Desmond walked back over to Ezio, then kissed him on the cheek and winked. "I promise."

Ezio kicked his boots up on the desk. "Oh, you are such a flirt."

"Well, I come by it honestly." And with that, Desmond left to make preparations.

-----

Desmond was sitting atop a window dormer, watching the surrounding area as another assassin prepared to 'talk to' a gang member in the alleyway below. A third assassin was perched on another neighboring rooftop, similarly spying for any potential complications. This was the method they had all decided on, and it had been working quite well. One person would go to meet the target, and the other two would remain above: out of sight so as to not cause any alarm, but close enough to drop into the fray should anything go awry. This was the last one on their list, and then they could all go back and herald their mission as a success.

He scanned the skyline. Besides the other assassin (whose name he had learned was Achille), there was no one visible up here. He peered down into the street. Piera (visible in blue) had just cornered in on the gang member (visible in gold). One or two of their targets had been willing to part with their information before it came to blows, but such instances were few and far between. Piera gave a quick display of her hidden blade, just to make her intentions and alliances clear.

As was typical, the conversation started with an exchange of thinly-veiled threats. "Next will come the unveiled threats, and then the diet violence," Desmond mused to himself.

The target started shouting. Desmond thought he heard another voice. He scanned the rooftops again, and this time saw a pair of guards off in the distance behind him. He looked back at Achille, who did not seem to react. "This again," Desmond muttered under his breath. He shifted to the right, and the guards were gone from his line of sight. "Please let that fix it." He turned back to watching the alley.

"You belong down in the street with the rest of the filth!" The voice was still distant, but it was definitely louder this time.

Desmond sighed. He turned to look behind himself, and saw the two guards from before making their way over, and a third guard climbing up behind them. "Just ignore them, and they'll go away," He said to himself. He turned back to the alleyway.

"Get down off this roof, or I will throw you off myself!"

Desmond scoffed. "I'd like to see you try. I think I'm finished throwing myself off of rooftops because of figments of my twisted imagination."

He heard another shout. This one wasn't from the target, or the illusory guard, but from Achille. "Desmond, look out!"

Desmond spun around, but not quickly enough, because a boot impacted him squarely in the chest, and he fell from the roof.

He desperately reached out, trying to grab hold of something to hang from. His right hand caught the wooden paneling of the window he was sitting above, but the wooden beam was brittle and snapped off, splintering under his fingernails. He yelled, and was unable to grab hold anywhere else.

Desmond's ankle rolled as he hit the ground, and he fell prone. The guard peered from the rooftop above, and apparently for the first time put together the implications of there being three hooded figures together. "Assassinos! Get them!" Well, so much for subtlety.

Piera ran over to help Desmond to his feet, and the gang member bolted. Desmond shook his head, and pulled himself up. "Don't worry about me, I can handle a few guards. Don't let the target get away!" He turned to face the building he had fallen from. The guards were already descending. He shifted his weight, and winced. Running's not an option. He readied his blade.

Desmond lunged at the first guard to get his boots on the ground. He hadn't yet pulled his sword, so Desmond easily grabbed hold of him, sliding the hidden blade between his ribs. Unfortunately, the next two landed with their swords already drawn, and Desmond could hear more footsteps fast approaching. "Shit, how many of you are there?"

He heard a shriek from above, and looked up just in time to dodge a guard falling from the rooftop, an arrow lodged in his chest. He landed with a dull, wet thud. Desmond spared a glance up towards Achille, who was already nocking another arrow. "Oh, this should be a peace of cake, then."

Desmond crossed blades with the two guards closest to him, parrying and deflecting their attacks. One of them leaped forward with an arcing swing of their sword. Desmond dodged under and to the side of the swing, then came around behind the off-balance guard, slitting his throat.

Another shriek, another thud. Desmond easily dispatched his next opponent, sweeping him off his feet and then skewering him where he fell. But the next guards approached together, and Desmond had to shift his focus to defense again.

Shriek, thud. One of the guards tried to bring his sword down on Desmond's head, who used both blades to intersect it. In the sword's reflection, Desmond saw another guard coming from behind him. "I've got you now, assassino!" Desmond shoved his current attacker off and spun around, swinging his blade in a wide arc. But as soon as his blade hit the guard's chest, he disappeared into mid-air.

Desmond growled. "Are yOU KIDDING ME!?!?!"

Shriek, thud.

A low chuckle from one of the guardsmen. "Jumping at shadows, boy? Ready for someone to put you out of your misery?" Desmond turned on his heel and lunged for the unlucky dastard's face, plunging both of the hidden blades deep into his eyesockets.

What few guards remained turned tail and ran.

Shriek, thud. Desmond turned once again to Achille, who was now clambering down the building, bow in hand. "They were already running, y'know."

Achille landed on the street, and shrugged. "They picked the fight. The least they could do is have the decency to see it through."

Desmond chuckled, then rubbed his shoulder. "Well, whether Piera caught the target or not, by now, she'll be heading back to base. We should be, too." He looked down at his swelling ankle. "No crazy parkour shit though."

-----

Ezio was pacing back and forth across the wooden floor, combing his hand through his hair. Piera had gotten back with her report on the mission two hours ago. He had already sent ten otherwise idle assassins out searching for Desmond, and he was deliberating about sending more.

"He has returned!" Came a voice from the door.

Ezio raced to the door. His stomach lurched when he saw Desmond, covered in blood and limping, except. . . He was also smiling? There he was, covered head-to-toe in blood, and grinning ear-to-ear!

"Desmond? Are you. . ." He looked Desmond up and down. Bloody. Beaming. "Did you hit your head?"

"Ezio!" Desmond threw his arms up wide, flinging blood on the assassins unfortunate enough to be standing near him. "No, I'm just fine! Well, I wrecked my ankle, but not nearly so much as I wrecked all of the guards!"

Ezio laughed. "So, you determined that what you needed was catharsis, and that any guard would suffice?"

"Well no, actually," Desmond responded a bit sheepishly. "I let them get the drop on me, believing they weren't real."

Ezio very abruptly stopped laughing. "You WHAT -"

"Can we discuss it later? I know it's a problem, but I'm currently riding a high, and I would like to enjoy it."

Ezio started to object, but instead wrapped an arm over Desmond's shoulders. "Later then." He lifted his arm, and stared in horror at the gloopy mess now dripping from it. "Dio mio, someone needs to give you a bath."

Desmond smirked. "Are you volunteering?"

-----

I don't ever think of myself as a creative person, so I am ABSOLUTELY blaming @sulfies that I have done this again, lol. I hope you enjoyed though! Much less bleed effect whump this time around, and much less re-reading to check that it makes sense, lol. Hyperfixation + insomnia = I wrote another story, but now it's a quarter to six in the morning and I may low-key hate myself tomorrow (today?). Thanks for reading!

[lemotmo]

You have already answered similar questions so feel free not to post. I just thought I would share 😊

Q. Where is the Promotional stuff?! What is going on? I need answers. Every show now has a trailer but 911. Is he coming back or not? I need to know something other than Tim is still obsessed with Ryan, haha.

A. Lol, the man is very transparent about his Ryan/Eddie love. He always has been. They're clearly hiding something. I think it was pretty much confirmed that The Rookie was the show something got spoiled for, I don't watch it so I have no clue how big of a spoiler it was. But obviously 911 took the opportunity to button everything up on their end. They clearly don't want something spoiled about the 3 episode event. I think we can pretty safely say there is no kind of AU happening. What we saw was most likely the television show Bobby is consulting on. For all the SPN ptsd's out there freaking out in my ask box, this is an entirely different show. It's not the same thing. However , it would make sense, and in fact be hilarious, if the characters on the show mirrored the real 118. There will be nothing wrong with doing that. We are talking about a Ryan Murphy show. I would be more surprised if they didn't do that.

I think if they drop a trailer it will be during the Family Fued episode. Double the PR in one sitting. They are doing things completely differently this time around. So it's hard to predict. I would imagine we'll get interviews the week leading up to the premier at least. We know Ryan has some sitting out there, and so far they're following the same pattern with Ryan/Eddie that they followed with Oliver/Buck last off-season. Everything else is different. But I would imagine the week leading up to the premier will be pretty PR heavy. Unless they want to hold everything until after the premier. If they're hiding something big we may have to wait. I'm going to address Tommy one more time and one more time only. He is not important enough to feature in anything that is currently taking place. He was made much more important by both fandoms than he ever was going to be to the show. Period. He was never going to be a main. He was never going to be main adjacent. He was a guest star with less than 30 total minutes of screen time. If we get a trailer and he isn't in the trailer I don't think he's returning. The previous seasons love interests have almost always featured in the trailer in some capacity so if they exclude him from that I think it's safe to assume he was let go. The only reason I'm hesitant to say he was fired is because they pinned his Instagram comment. I don't see them pinning a comment from a fired employee. However given everything we have learned about how control heavy Disney is I don't see how he kept his job following the cameo garbage. He clearly broke Disney protocol. So I genuinely don't know. He is very low hanging fruit by Disney standards though so it is what it is. If he shows up for a scene or two or an episode or two it doesn't really matter. He's not going to play any significant role one way or the other. And there is no need to keep talking in circles about it. We have 20 days to go. I'm looking forward to the FF episode and the stuff we will be getting once the season starts (hello Eddie in a church talking to the priest). We'll see what if anything juicy the FF episode provides and we will go from there. 💗

Thank you Nonny! I'm definitely posting this one, because people have been asking for Ali's opinion on the lack of promotion for Tommy, which is about the same opinion as mine, only more eloquently explained. 😉

So I'm not adding any of my opinions on this one, since all of you already know exactly what I think about most of this. :)

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[bringbacktim]

Reaction video-jschlatt

Synopsis: Jschlatt and his girlfriend Y/n react to a compilation of their embarrassing moments together

Warnings:mentions of sex, sex tape, condoms, flirting , making out , anal

There is a callback to another imagine I did called 'anal ? No ones doing anal' but it gets explained

Not editited or proofread

Wc:2.5k words

Part 2 out now

To say that the chuckle sandwich podcast had a common theme of y/n and jschlatt telling embarrassing stories was very true and embarrassing in itself . I mean admitting these moments for the entire world to hear took some balls , but to also film a youtube video reacting to them for more people to see was just insane

"Hey guys, today I'm joined by the big guy himself Jschlatt and we're going to be reacting to a compilation of embarrassing moments of ourselves, enjoy!" Y/n introduced her video already regretting it

Embarrassing moment #1

Austinshow was on the podcast this week and they were filming the part before the intro as they always do , expecting it to be a tame start to the episode

Well , that was until Austin started talking about how big his penis was and said 6 inches was average as schlatt looked shocked

"Does it curve?" Austin asked

"Oh yeah it curves" schlatt responded

"Mine does too"

"Wait which way, let's say it on three"

"1,2,3.. left " they both simultaneously spoke

"Hate to interrupt this lovely conversation, but that's a lie" y/n said mostly to schlatt , she had no knowledge about Austin's penis

"How am I lying?" He looked at his girlfriend confused as to how he could be lying about his penis

"It 100% curves to the right" she said so sure of herself

"I hate to tell you this but it is definitely is to the left" he said not understanding if this was a joke or what

"I've seen it countless times , it goes to the right" she said as a lightbulb went off in schlatt's head

"Because you're seeing it the opposite to me, if I pick this up in my left hand you're going to see it as my right" he explained trying to hold back a laugh at what he was insinuating

"Welcome to chuckle sandwich ladies and gentlemen" ted laughed as y/n sunk in her chair out of embarrassment

"Can I just say I wanted to actually quit life after this clip , the comments went crazy after what he said" she said flushing at the memory and pointing to her boyfriend

"I thought I was going to have to actually show her that I was correct at one point" he laughed at how oblivious she was

"Can't wait for even more embarrassing moments" she said sliding down her chair

Embarrassing moment #2

This one happened on the 'our most embarrassing moments' episode where schlatt was the only one who didn't answer mainly because he was with y/n for her's

After ted's embarrassing storytime about the time he dropped his girlfriend off at her apartment and he saw someone in the doorway who he assumed was one of her roomates so went to scare them buy it was actually one of her roomates new boyfriend

Also after Charlie's story about how he was at the checkout at the grocery store and there was a woman in line with her baby who his girlfriend saw pick up someone else's phone, so Charlie went over to the kid to resolve the problem and give the phone back but the kid fights back and doesn't want to give Charlie the phone back . The mom turns round and says "hey what are you doing with my phone" . So it wasn't even the cashiers phone

It was finally y/n's turn and this story was definitely more invasive and embarrassing than the other boys, but she couldn't think of anything else and it was pretty funny

"This story is embarrassing on a lot of different levels and I can't believe I'm even telling it right now" she said laughing as she put her head in her hands briefly

"Is it the one that happened the other night?" Her boyfriend asked as she nodded

"I don't have to tell it if you don't want me to" she reassured him

"It's not like people don't know we have sex" he laughed

"Some people more than others" charlie said remembering his past traumas

A few more jokes were made before Schlatt cut them off

"Can we just please get this story over with" he said weakly hoping no one would hear him but also loud enough for people to hear so he could get it out the way

"Okay well buckle up guys get ready" his girlfriend laughed rubbing her hands together as she pieced the story together in her head

"Oh god this is going to be NSFW isn't it ?" Charlie said scared for what he was about to hear

"Yeah we were going at it and I mean going at it , like balls deep eyes rolling back and she moans out -" schlatt joked to annoy his friends

"-schlatt!" His girlfriend cut him off as her cheeks flushed

"The duality of Jschlatt ladies and gentlemen" ted joked about the difference between now and then

"Anyway, we were at the grocery store and schlatt said it would he funny if we got condoms as a gag gift for our friends baby shower and we needed to get some anyway"

"You're the first person to give anyone condoms at a baby shower" ted laughed

"I didn't want to have to go to another one so I prevented it"

"So we get to the isle that has them and they're all locked behind those fucking protector things and I am not going to ask someone to unlock that for me , so we grab the only ones that weren't imprisoned which happened to be the value pack of like 50 " y/n continued explaining

"Surely you can just take a few and still gift it , you don't need 2 packs right?" Charlie asked

"Imagine if someone gave you half an empty box of condoms, just having the knowledge that they had used them" ted explained to charlie as they all laughed

"Obviously we get two boxes and we go to the checkout with those and a few vegetables for a salad we were having later that day "

"did you seriously go to the checkout with a cucumber and some condoms" ted said catching onto how embarrassing this story was about to get

"I tried to tell her man but she saw nothing wrong with it and went to a checkout with a person instead of the ones you do yourself" schlatt said laughing at the memory

"As soon as I put the items down this woman looks at me with such pity in her eyes like she'd been through it a million times , she looked him dead in the eyes and

Said-"

"I know what it's like to have a man who can't perform as well as you'd hoped" schlatt finished the sentence for her getting louder with every word to be heard over the laughs of his friends

"That is the worst insult I've ever heard , I feel emasculated for you" charlie laughed at the misfortune of his friends

"and we later found out that the woman who insulted him was actually one of his mom's friends so he got a text later that day from his mom about some sex tips , it was hilarious" y/n finished the story almost crying laughing

"Incase anyone is wondering, yes I did use the tips mom gave me" he deadpan

"You cannot say that" she said shocked as she turned to him

"We haven't been back to that grocery store since either"

Embarrassing moment #3/ Funny flirty moment #1

This one happened on the episode where the viewer who was strictly an audio listener what they looked like that they all described each other ( I cannot remember the title )

"Audio listeners love you to death -"

Ted trailed off describing schlatt just like the viewer asked as y/n tried to think of what funny way she could describe her boyfriend . She didn't have much thinking time after ted was done talking because schlatt had already begun describing her

"I'd describe y/n as about a 34F with a firm ass and a handsome boyfriend" he laughed as his girlfriend attempted to throw a pillow at him for being such a perv

"When you get bra's sent to your P.O box don't blame me" she said putting her hands up

"Someone actually sent this really nice purple one" she said tugging at the ends of her shirt , but schlatt stopped her

"Do you guys see what I have to put up with" he said hands firmly holding hers making sure she didn't actually flash anyone

"You heard it here first folks, gamer Y/n Y/L/N is a 34F with a firm ass and a handsome boyfriend, make sure to send those bra's to Schlatt's P.O box and maybe he'll reveal some more intimate secrets about her"

"Not before I tweet his dick size" she retaliated

"No fucking way" ted said pulling his phone out of his pocket at the sound of a notification from twitter and reading it

"I didn't expect you to actually do it , broad I'll give you that"

"SEVEN INCHES ?!" Was heard from tucker off the side as he sympathetically looked at the girl in the booth as schlatt tried to laugh it off

"my dick size was trending for so long , it was the worst thing you've actually done to me "

"Wait until I tweet our sex tape" she said seriously as he gulped in fear

"Don't joke about that"

"I'll put it at the end of this video like you did with your face reveal" she grinned

Embarrassing moment #4

This one was during the QT Cinderella episode where she was saying about her most embarrassing story where she talks about her step dad walking in on her and her boyfriend while they're dry humping and he's touching her boobs

"I would've rather been doing anal I swear to God " she said about the mortifying story

"As someone who's been in the step dad's place but they were actually doing anal , you really don't" charlie said

"Charlie still hasn't let this joke go and it's been months"

"We literally showed him the camera footage and he's still in denial"

"How many times are you going to joke about that , we were not doing anal" schlatt said in response knowing it was about him and y/n

"We were doing you a favour by building you a new coffee table"

"You can keep saying that , but I know what I heard" charlie laughed and shrugged

"Can't wait for this to get put in a compilation, can you ?"y/n asked her boyfriend as he laughed and shook his head

"What can I say , I know our fans"

Embarrassing moment #5

This one comes from a stream schlatt did with y/n and they played Mario kart

"You did not just blue shell me you bitch" he shouted as his character spun out

"If toad doesn't stop trying to ram into the back of me I will actually skin his parents alive" y/n said trying to get away from the character

"Whoever designed the blooper ( squid that shoots ink over the screen) deserves the death penalty" Schlatt said now not being able to see

"When you get facials enough , those fuckers don't even disturb you" she laughed not realising what she just admitted to way too many people

"This was the worst thing I've ever said on stream and I wanted the ground to swallow me up , I'm so used to being able to just edit it out"

" I'm shocked I didn't get banned from twitch for that"

"No you got congratulated on Twitter"

" that was the only good takeaway"

"Glad you enjoyed it"

"Do you not love your superpower?"

"I hate you"

Embarrassing moment #6

This one was from a stream that jschlatt, Ted , Charlie, and y/n did a cooking stream during chuckle week as they were behind on content and thought why not

"I know this is the cooking stream and I want to preface this by saying we did not know our mics were still on , and we're sorry"

"This one haunts me" Schlatt said with a uncomfortable look on his face

Ted and Charlie were doing most of the work as schlatt and y/n just stood to the side flirting and being in love

"Chat is telling you two to stop flirting and help me and Charlie" ted said trying to knock them out of whatever trance this was

"You guys have been extra flirty today , I better be able to sleep tonight" he remarked pointing a mixing spoon at them

" I don't hear any complaints when it's you and grace" schlatt said

"We don't wake the entire street up, someone's I wake up and wonder if you're doing it next to me"

"That's tonight plans sorted" y/n deadpanned

"This stream was an absolute mess"

"There is a lot of clips that could be in this video, but I know one specific clip will be" she said knowing it was probably coming next

The next clip was apart of the same video , but definitely a solid fifteen to twenty minutes later , you couldn't see y/n or her boyfriend schlatt it was just Ted and Charlie , but you could hear them

They had taken their mics off and put them at most five feet away but they were expensive so you could still hear them clear as day

" I think I might have to leave the room while this plays" y/n said not wanting to relive it

"I think I can hear Jambo calling me , coming buddy" schlatt said also leaving

The sounds of kissing and borderline making out was heard over the mics as ted and charlie stood frozen in the kitchen

"Are they making out right now"

"In my pantry no less" ted said rolling his eyes

"Would've fucked you over that counter if they weren't here" schlatt whispered to her

"Never let those two alone in this kitchen" charlie said to ted as he let out a nervous laugh

They tried to distract the chat by speaking and doing things louder but the couple just kept going

"We are definitely keeping charlie up tonight , I might even wear the pink wig" y/n said playing with the hair at the back of his head

"Is it over yet ?" Schlatt said walking into the room and immediately walking back out at the sight of them still not on screen

"I thought he brought that as a joke" Charlie said physically recoiling

"Gonna see how many inches you can take down your throat tonight"

"Before they actually have sex in my pantry , we're gonna end the stream there for today, be sure to subscribe and I'll see you guys later" Ted waved to the camera as he and charlie knocked on the pantry and told them what had just happened

After about 30 seconds , both Schlatt and y/n came back in the room , pale as a sheet completely embarrassed by what had just played

"I'd love to say it was a funny skit , but ted's pantry just gets us going" he tried to joke

"If you never see us again , just know that clip circling the internet is one hundred percent the reason" she outro'd the video hoping no one would care as they'd already seen the clip

"Charlie and ted are such bad friends for not telling us sooner , I was prepared to go all the way in that pantry"

"Why did we even choose the pantry, why not some bathroom on a different floor?" He questioned with a laugh

[simplyreveries]

Hey ! Can I ask for a Alastor like!male!reader please ? The reader have the same personality and power as him and is in Diasomnia or Heartslabyul. With Idia, Lilia and Ruggie pls ? Maybe Grim platonic (He need a dad and I volunteer for that role-)

Ignore it if you don't want to write it !!

Don't forget to drink, and have a good day/night.

i havent watched an episode of hazbin hotel (everything i know about that show is against my will /lh) but the songs have been stuck in my head for the past WEEK.

idia shroud

okay I'm being honest idia was slightly weird and found your behavior initially strange when he had met you, but brushed it off because well, he's at nrc. you always seemed so charismatic and held only good intentions for yourself and others. he didn't get how someone could be so happy all the time as well. he may or may not have thought you were some suck up until he caught glimpse of your underlying nature. (he can respect that though lmao).

he seemed to stray away and almost ignore you at first, especially after seeing more and more of your own behavior. the time when he felt fine around you was when you, being unpredictable appeared and helped him get back at some bothersome student online because you thought it'd be entertaining. and both you and idia are pretty spiteful anyway, with those mischievous toothy grins on your faces.

idia can at least admit he finds your retorts and comments funny, he finds himself snickering to himself when he happens to witness one of these instances when you're basically coming at some poor student that made some snarky remark to you during fitness with vargas. but you always seem to point that out and he hates it.

lilia vanrouge

I feel like you two get along quite well, he finds your demeanor to be interesting and considerably old-fashioned ways is something he relates to. you two are quite the old souls at nrc i feel like haha. But anyone seeing just the two of you together, even smiling and chatting with each other can be pretty intimidating to the eyes of others… your constant toothy smile can be unnerving.

whereas one of your talents and interests is cooking,, lilia does enjoy it as well but pretends to be so weepy and sad when you told him "oh....! its utterly awful! ha-ha-ha” you two get quite competitive during the master chef competitions and challenge the school holds during that time or during beanfest when you two were on opposing teams.... so, you guys definitely get into friendly? rivalries with one another all the time, usually end up being completely chaotic and blown way out of proportion for what they are. the whole dorm knows when you two happen to be in one.

you two have most likely at some point shown each other's magic and abilities off to each other trying to one up one another unknowingly causing some trouble around you as you are so caught up.

ruggie bucchi

ruggie sort of becomes your little gossip buddy, because he doesn't seem to really care and has a lot of dirt on various students and stories he's heard and seen. you just happen to be a sucker for the drama and are able to easily repay him in some way with your magic if you really need to anyways.

he sometimes does find himself a little... confused and taken aback with your smiley and always grinning with some sort of delight even during the worst possible moments (*cough* overblots) as you don't seem to barley bat an eye. but then again as others would assume, its nrc and ruggie has met a lot of strange people. even if you're definitely one of the more... stranger ones.

before he had really known he, he had has attempted to be his usual, cunning self and deceive you at times as a way to try and getting something from you. he easily learned his lesson when you're so able to see right through him and twist it back on him- it ended up turning into some sort of game. he thinks its honestly impressive though. he almost wants to know if you learned that or if that was genuinely just you, he is leaning towards the last part haha.

grim

you are definitely not a force to be reckoned with when angry or even upset. He’s certainly had his moments where he's like “WOAH”. despite the fact that he may butt heads with you often with your condescending and teasing towards him– you’re still quite protective over your little friend. you swiftly manage to pull him out of trouble by swiftly teleporting him right in your hand and he hates that, he always grumbles when you're chuckling “now now, violence is not an answer, grim” even though he's seen your worst moments haha. you're literally way more aggressive than him, he'll retort and remind you of when some rough savanclaw student ALMOST scuffed your uniform.

lowkey he wouldn't outright admit it to you, but I feel like grim does look up to your power and abilities in a way, plus being your unbothered, confident, straightforward self- he wants that aura around himself too…! he wants people to fear him like they do with you all the time. during halloween you practically “shine” as you enjoy playing around and scaring the daylights out of people visiting your dorm and go back to grinning.

not gonna lie, I think that you have this stupid rivalry between you and azul. being you, azul would find you one of the most difficult people to make a deal with. (not to mention you can pretty much manifest anything you want) you were able to easily manage and deal with the events that went down in chapter 3 because you're easily as manipulative and cunning. you literally are a dealmaker yourself. grim always watches you and his interactions in sheer confusion and concern.

[nerd4music]

I think overall there’s one of two „big“ problems happening for people who have a problem with TOWL (racists and the likes aside… 🙄).

1- The misunderstanding that this was truly much more a Rick and Michonne story than a TWD one. This was not TWD S12. It was about telling the story of these 2 characters and being able to put a dot at the end (or a dot dot dot). And you’ve laid all of that out perfectly. Like yes, in TWD, Beale (& the CRM) would have been draaaaagged out. But this was much more of a Terminus approach than a Saviors one if we will…

2- TWD was never the most ..subtle show. They tended to hit the audience over the head with stuff. And I’m not sure I would go as far as calling TOWL subtle outright either (idk, didn’t think about this until right this moment lol -obviously elements of it are, sure -just as elements on TWD could be on the subtler side) but compared to TWD, it certainly is lol. And there has been a very big „media literacy“ and „basic comprehension skills“ problem happening for a minute now. And I really don’t say this to be mean or make fun of people or anything but these are just facts. Some people really struggle with getting the information when they are not being hit over the head with it, over and over and over again. After the finale I saw several posts on my tl of people wondering why this, that or the other was not addressed or how/why this, that or the other did happen… and I was utterly confused because those things they claimed were missing were very much shown? I was like, there was literally a scene dealing with all of this? And it didn’t require any reading between the lines to be honest, no subtext, it was very much the text of the scene?! So it seems like some people just didn’t get a lot of things that were happening 🫤

(BTW I don’t mean that even if someone didn’t have these specific problems with the show, they MUST love it then. Likes and dislikes etc etc. As much as I really loved the show as a whole, if I decided to put down the Richonne-colored glasses I wanted to and did watch to the show with.. I’d definitely have a few complaints lol, though still very much enjoyed the show even then)

That's definitely what happened. And to some extent, I get why, considering Rick and Michonne are 2/3 of the main show's Big Three. But when the press and promos started, and people were still talking about some Marvel-style meet-up, I was like...oh they're definitely not listening to what's being said, because it's six damn episodes, and also The Richonne story, not the Team Family jamboree. And then acting as if it's somehow 'insulting' to the rest of the characters if Rick and Michonne didn't talk about them. The man had PTSD so bad, he couldn't remember his own son's face. Why would you think it would be good time for him to pause in the middle of his wife telling him about a traumatic moment during her pregnancy to ask about anyone else? Please be fr.

I feel you on the comprehension thing, which is nothing new for this fandom. The fact that so many people legit thought Rick didn't know how to drive stick and questioned the 'realism' of it but never stopped to think that it was because he only has one damn hand. Y'all were fine with every silly ass moment that happened in the main show, that was either sheer dumb luck or handwaved away, but now we need a complete breakdown from experts on how Rick managed to fight off walkers one-handed. Now y'all want the realism, when you've been so giddy for weeks because you need one of them to die for the show to be 'interesting'.

I'm really not listening to people who need the narrative to hold their hand through everything, or need to see every piece of the plot onscreen for it to be considered 'legitimate'. (I'm officially banning the phrase 'plot armor' for the foreseeable future).

People didn't get things, because they don't take a minute to sit with the damn material anymore. From live reactions videos to live tweeting/blogging, people are just watching TV to make content and have an online moment, not for what's actually being shown. And yeah, TOWL isn't perfect, but the minor criticisms I have for it doesn't take away from the fact that it is very enjoyable and easily the best material from the TWD landscape in a long time.

(sidenote: I will say one of my favorite things from these past six weeks is everyone struggling to figure out the overall TWD timeline, lmao.)

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Stonemilker [Joel x f!reader]

Read on Ao3

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Ship: Joel Miller x you (cishet f reader)

Tags/warnings: Heartache, breakup stuff, Ellie lives and Joel is lying to her, sad sex, you know this is ending sex, Couple fighting, idk what this is folks, it's a sad story with a hopeful ending.

Summary: When Joel returns to Jackson with Ellie, something has changed. Can your relationship survive it? Takes place after episode 9 of season 1.

Words: 3,967

A/N: The title Stonemilker is the title of the first track of Björk's Vulnicura (2015), an album solely about the end of a relationship. Cheers to @rambling-in-purple for reading it before posting <3!

Joel returned a changed man. A younger man. A less hurting man.

Ellie was with him, of course, hugging you tightly in the kitchen of the small house you had been given. You had been setting the dinner table for one when she had burst in and called your name, Joel striding in behind her. You dropped the plate, and the porcelain pieces spread around your feet.

Little did you know that your life was about to shatter in the same way.

Joel gave you a warm hug, nothing more. You wanted to hear everything about their journey, but they were both tired and hungry, so you gave them time to shower and change into clean clothes while you adapted dinner to feed three.

Later that night, when you went to bed with Joel, you saw the hideous wound on the right side of his stomach. He told you what had happened since he and Ellie left Jackson.

He told you everything: the abandoned college, the stab wound, and how close he was to dying. Ellie saving him. The resort. All the dead bodies. The hospital.

His decision. Hallways of dead people left behind. His lie to Ellie.

"Joel..."

He looked at you with shrouded eyes. Where there used to be an iron curtain, there was now a thin veil that showed depths of horrors, but also hope. It scared you more than the hard metallic gaze that you were used to.

You knew why he did it. You understood him. You would probably have done the same.

"You have to tell her."

"One day, I will."

"Sooner rather than later. She deserves to know the truth."

There it was, the unyielding steel in his eyes. He never appreciated being told the obvious. But when Ellie did that, slapped him in the face with inconvenient truths and poignant teases, he grimaced to keep from smiling. When you did it, you received a glare.

You had always thought that that glare was yours because Joel didn't have any other way of expressing his reluctant amusement. And it was, but there was a smile-hiding grimace as well, just not for you.

Something had changed. You didn't realize just how much until a few weeks later, when you were out with the hunting party, and a cougar popped up so suddenly that not even the horses had smelled it. It was a young animal, probably a male looking for a territory of its own, and you were the closest to it. Your horse reared, you fell off, hit your elbow on a rock that just had to be precisely there. As if by some miracle, your head missed it, though. The wind got knocked out of you while your brain was screaming frantically at you to get up and get your gun, but before you could move, a shot rang out over the plain, and the horses neighed in fear.

Deion was by your side a moment later, brows knitted together in worry.

"You okay?"

Breath returning, you began to feel the impact of your fall. Left elbow was smarting, your ass was probably bruised, and your heart was beating a mile a minute from the scare.

"I'm fine," you managed to wheeze. He helped you up, carefully pulling you on your feet. He held your hand as he inspected your face for discomfort. You let him. It's comforting, that big, warm hand holding yours.

"You sure?" He wanted to be certain before he let you go. You nodded and forced a smile.

"I'll have a bruise, but I'm good." You've had worse, so much worse.

The warmth of Deion's hand lingers on your skin long after he releases your hand. As you get on the horse and ride back to Jackson, you find yourself thinking about how Joel never showed such concern for your well-being. And he doesn't do it now, either, when you return sooner than expected, moving like you're in pain - which you are.

"You need to be more careful," he tells you gruffly. You know it's his thing, he doesn't do softness, and yet... he does to Ellie. He speaks kindly to her, laughs with her, talks to her about things beyond mere survival. Tells her about his daughter. That's a new one, he never even mentioned his daughter to you.

It's heartwarming to see him thawed. The glimpses of who he used to be melt together with who he is now. You always suspected he was a great kind of guy before the world went to shit and he was forced to become a version of himself that he himself hated. And it hurts you more than the bruising that he cannot be this new person with you, only with Ellie. She deserves the best Joel, you know that, but don't you? After all you've been through with him?

You argue with him later that night. That's also new. While you may have disagreed with him occasionally before, you have never fought about it. Maybe it's the comfort of Jackson, the fact that a disagreement no longer means the risk of death. Maybe you have just had your fill.

"You could at least say something that doesn't make it sound like it's my fault!" you yell, unconcerned with your voice carrying over to the next room where Ellie is asleep. "You could ask me if I'm okay!"

"I can see that you're okay," Joel replies irritably. "I've seen you take worse hits."

"I am not okay, Joel!" The words are spat into the half-lit bedroom and the silence that follows is heavy from the impact. Joel crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at you with unreadable eyes. It's not his usual glare, the one he gives you no matter the reason, because it's all he's capable of. It's just... closed. Like he has nothing more to give you.

You sleep in separate rooms that night. Ellie is unusually demure in the morning, looking from you to Joel and back to you, clearly bothered by your fight the night before. You make a mental note to talk to her after breakfast but before you can suggest an activity, Joel asks her if she wants to go out shooting.

Okay, let Joel deal with Ellie.

You go to your chores, which consist of animal care for most of the day. Deion joins you. He wants to know how you're feeling.

How are you feeling? Bruised and annoyed. Sad and confused. Touched and frustrated. Abandoned. Lonely.

"I'm good," you assure him with a light smile. "A little sore, but I've had worse."

All day he sees to it that you rest. He takes care of the tasks that will aggravate the aches of your beaten-up body. He reminds you to take a break when it's nearing lunch time.

He cares so clearly. Is this what it's like, to be with someone who cares?

Ellie is bubbly that night. She and Joel have had fun, she tells you, and you're happy for her. Ellie is a child who was never allowed to be one. She deserves carefree days. She deserves a father figure, a dad. A mom, too, but you have no idea how to be that. Especially when things are so askew with Joel. Whatever things are, were, should be. You and Joel used to be about teamwork, survival, partnership. But life in Jackson is different. What you two had, were, is not needed here. What else can you be?

Joel watches you take your clothes off when you get ready for bed. You turn your back to him, maybe out of misguided, sudden shyness, maybe to show him the bruise that has painted half your back. It was dark red yesterday, now it's turning purple.

His feet are heavy on the floorboards when he walks up to you. His rough fingers are surprisingly soft when tracing the outlines of the bruise. You close your eyes, lean into his touch, sigh softly when he kisses you neck. You lie down on the bed and let Joel take you. He's gentle, more so than usual, but every thrust pushes you against the bumpy mattress, hurting you. Neither one of you speak but when Joel has finished, he cradles your face in his hands and kisses your forehead so softly that it's barely a kiss at all. You turn your back to him when you go to sleep. Your muscles are sore from the coupling, and you quietly love that tenderness like one would a bittersweet heartache. The bruise on your lower back throbs like a young heart in love, and when you turn onto your side, away from Joel, you wish he would kiss the miscolored blossoms.

But he doesn't. He simply turns away from you, just as you turned away from him. With a canyon between your warm, spent bodies, you both go to sleep.

Ellie accompanies you to your chores the next day. After a quiet hour of cleaning the stable, she eventually asks you if you're mad at her.

"No, Ellie, why would you think that?" you ask, immediately regretting your poor choice of words. She shrugs, leaning against a stall door, both hands gripping the handle of the pitchfork, the prongs scraping loudly against the floor.

"You've been weird since we got back. You and Joel have been fighting."

"That has nothing to do with you," you lie, hopefully convincingly. Ellie looks up at you, a hard glint in her eyes.

"I'm not stupid. You never fought before, not for as long as I've known you."

You stop your sweeping but don't know what to say.

"You barely talk to each other," she insists.

"It's complicated," you tell her feebly. "But it has nothing to do with you, Ellie, I promise."

"Then what is it?"

You shake your head. "I'm not going to talk about our relationship with you, Ellie. It's not your problem."

"It is my problem if my - " she stops herself, the word parents hanging in the air for a second, before she continues: " - if you two are going to, I don't know, get a divorce or some shit."

An amused scoff escapes you before you can stop yourself. "We're not married, Ellie."

"I know. But you're, like, together, right?"

"I don't know what we are," you blurt out, averting your eyes so you don't have to see her reaction at your confession. You hear the scraping of her shoe at the floor.

"Did you count on me not being here anymore?"

Her voice is small and sounds so different from its normal curious and teasing tone. A clump forms in your throat.

"Ellie..."

"I'm in the way."

You let go of the broom and focus instead on Ellie, standing in front of her and taking the pitchfork from her so that you can grasp her hands.

"You're not in the way," you tell her firmly. Ellie looks away, and you shake your head to stress your words. "Ellie, look at me."

She meets your steady gaze, and you see how conflicted she is. Poor girl. She is a child. You can barely remember what it was like to be that age and besides, it was another world ago, but you do remember that it was difficult and confusing for so many reasons.

"You are not in the way," you emphasize softly. "But this situation is new, for all of us. This place. This dynamic. We're not just surviving anymore, Ellie, we have a chance to live. And I... I've never had that chance with Joel before. So I'm struggling a little right now. But it has nothing to do with you, okay? You just... be you. You're so good for him, Ellie, you have saved him in more ways than one."

She purses her lips, and you see her throat muscles work as she swallows.

"Okay," she finally nods, quietly. You press a smile, try to look like this problem was resolved.

"Okay." You give her a quick hug before going back to your work. Ellie seems relieved but you can't stop thinking about how you pinned it all on your own back. You are struggling, you are having a hard time of this new way of life. As if Joel has nothing to do with it. As if his broad, once so safe, and reassuring back isn't now turned to you in cool detachment.

You try to bring the topic to him later that night, tell him that Ellie is noticing and worrying. It ends in a fight and this time it's Joel who sleeps on the uncomfortable couch. You lie awake, wondering what went wrong. Is it really you who changed? Are you being a selfish bitch, jealous of a 14-year-old girl? Do you really want life to go on as it did before, in the Boston QZ, fighting for your life with Joel by your side?

Why is settling down so hard?

Nothing changes in the coming weeks. Talking to Joel is like milking a stone. Every now and then the two of you fight, as quietly as you can when Ellie has gone to bed. You still think he should tell her. He refuses to, and you can see the fear in his eyes. Ellie will be furious with him; you both know it. The longer he keeps her in the dark, the worse it's going to be. You find yourself wishing that you'll be far away when the day comes.

One early spring day you ride out with Deion to check on the traps. You've spent most of your days with him these past few weeks. He appreciates you, sees you, wants to hear your opinion. He takes you to the movies. He asks you about your past. He shows interest where Joel barely even wants you at night anymore.

The snow has started to melt in the sunshine, and you find a sun-kissed clearing where the ground is yellow with glacier lilies. The air is warm, and you can smell the changing of the season. You dismount and crouch among the delicate yellow flowers, hover your hands over them, smile in childlike delight when you see bees buzzing from flower to flower. You can't remember the last time you saw bees.

In that clearing, you ask Deion to kiss you, and he does, almost immediately. Not until the kiss is over does he express regret.

"You're with Joel."

"No, I'm not."

He smiles, and kisses you again, and you remember those first pre-teen infatuations: the warmth, the excitement, the heart-stopping angst about whether or not the subject of your passions felt the same. You remember all that but only feel it radiate from Deion. The feelings are unrequited.

That night you collect your few belongings into your backpack and leave the house. You hug Ellie and ask her to forgive you. You say nothing to Joel, and he says nothing to you.

You do not go to Deion, but instead to the boarding house where new arrivals are placed while awaiting homes of their own. Deion is kind, and he showed you what it would be like to be with a person who genuinely cares for you, but you don't want to rebuild your shattered life around a man.

A week later you mount a horse and leave Jackson. You have no plan, no light to look for, but you can finally breathe freely. Heading west, you ride at a slow pace all day, enjoying yourself more than maybe is appropriate. Your saddle-sore backside in the evening doesn't put a damper on your joy when you sit by your small fire with a cup of herbal tea. This is the start of something new, maybe disastrous, but definitely different.

The dark woods around you don't scare you, neither does being alone. You realize now just how alone - lonely - you've been these past couple of months, smack in the middle of the warm and well-organized community that Jackson is. Its friendly inhabitants weren't enough: you only wanted kindness from one single person. To be alone out here, by choice, feels a lot better than the time spent in Jackson.

When you prepare to leave the campsite the next morning, a horse emerges between the trees. Instinctively, you reach for your gun before your brain has processed the face of the rider.

It's Joel. Your mouth falls open and your legs feel weak.

"What are you doing here?" you manage when he dismounts. His hunched shoulders tell you clearly that he's uncomfortable and also stalling as he, very meticulously, ties the reins to a nearby tree. You wait impatiently for him to acknowledge you. When he finally does, his nut-brown eyes are clear in the first rays of the sun.

"I'm here to ask you if you would consider returning."

You have to bite your tongue in order not to laugh out loud. Your hard stare tells him everything, and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"I'm going to tell Ellie about what happened at the hospital."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why are you here telling me that?"

"Because when I do, she's going to hate me, and I can't stand losing both of you."

"It's a little too late for that, Joel."

He nods, wets his lips. Looks away and draws a wet breath. Rests his hands on his hips, purses his lips. You realize he's fighting against unwanted yet inevitable tears.

Joel crying. That's a new one.

Moments pass, minutes, maybe hours, days, you have no idea, but you keep staring at Joel as he stubbornly looks to the forest, as if there was an answer or saving grace to be had between the trees. You are relentless in the midst of the rising sun, the singing birds, the soft shush of the wind through the budding treetops. He has to make the first move, show something, say something. Offer an explanation to why he stopped listening. Where did the apathy in his eyes come from? Why did he suddenly decide to show no concern for you?

He brings his hand to his eyes, rubs them quickly with forefinger and thumb. He then turns back to you.

"Ellie misses you."

You stand your ground, implacable as you wait for him to continue. Finally, he confesses:

"I miss you. The minute you left I started missing you."

"Then why did you let me leave?" you ask flatly.

"I wasn't going to stop you if that's what you wanted."

You refuse to engage, even though you want to scream at him: Do you think I wanted to leave?

"Was it Deion?"

"What?" Your eyebrows meet in a surprised frown. "What about Deion?"

"You spent so much time with him. Did you... was there anything between you?"

Unable to play it cool anymore, you take a step closer.

"How fucking dare you? You have no right!" Your horse and Joel's shift their weight, ears twitching nervously.

He's a little taken back with your raised voice, but he doesn't match it.

"Sorry," he mutters instead, and now it's your turn to drop your jaw. For a moment, both of you just stand there, looking at each other, trying to find some common ground to share so that things can be resolved.

It's Joel who finally finds that little patch of soil to sow the seeds of reconciliation.

"You remember how I tried to make Tommy take Ellie to the Fireflies?" he asks, and you nod mutely. Of course you remember. The tension in the house had been so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

"But I took her. And everything that happened after that... happened. I have to live with the consequences. I just had to keep her."

He shakes his head, something desperate filling his features. "If I get to keep her, I can't keep you."

"What do you mean?" you ask quietly, not following. The long look he gives you is anguished, but he stays quiet, as if he has said too much. Your brain is working at full capacity until it has connected the dots.

"Is this some kind of 'can't have too much good shit in my life' bullshit?" you ask hoarsely, almost afraid of the answer. "Because that is just... Joel, you are an idiot."

You're shaking by now, and Joel bristles a little.

"Look, Ellie has nobody else. She's stuck with me, for better or for worse. She's a kid. But you are not. You can have someone better."

"What if I don't want anyone better, what if I happen to love a complete fucking idiot who doesn't deserve me but is stuck with me because I chose it myself!?" you scream, tears filling your eyes and escaping down your cheeks. Joel winces, as if you just slapped him, but when he sees your tears, he closes the gap between the two of you with a few long strides. The next thing you know, you're crushed against his broad chest, smelling his sweat and slightly woodsy scent with leather and horse and melting snow. He holds you so tightly it's almost constricting your breathing, but you don't fight back. You've fought back for long enough.

"Darlin'," he murmurs throatily. "Darlin'. You love me?"

"I did," you sob. "But I don't know if I still do."

He's quiet, his hand moving in slow, comforting caresses over your back. Something is broken in you and the splinters are pressing against your internal organs, making breathing near impossible. Your face against Joel's chest, you think you can sense something break in him as well.

"You're right," he finally whispers. "I am an idiot and an asshole."

Your only response is more tears because now he gets it, now the milk is flowing from that goddamn stone, and it just might be too late. You don't know if you can trust him to handle your broken pieces right, or if there is a second chance for him in you.

There is no telling how long you stand like that, entwined in a sad, desperate embrace. The sun's rays start to feel warm even when you're cold inside. When your tears finally dry up, you shift in Joel's arms, and he releases you. You can't look at him, can't let him see you like this, but he gently places his finger under your chin, and raises your face to his.

"Am I too late?" he asks. His eyes are red and there are wet trails on his cheeks. You swallow hard, try to navigate between your desires and needs.

"What would change?" you finally ask. He places his warm, slightly sweaty palm against your cheek and brushes his thumb just under your eye, catching a lingering tear.

"I would love you."

He has never said that word to you before, and you want to ask for a detailed description of what it entails. How will he love you? Will he listen, help, support, share?

If Ellie decides to hate him, will he hate you in return? Will Ellie?

On the other side is a vast wilderness of no coordinates, the unknown with all its dangers. What are your chances of survival, of finding decent people? Jackson is full of decent people, and now also Joel and Ellie. Joel, who hurt you. Ellie, who is torn between the two of you.

He waits for your answer, and you find that you don't have a definite one to give him. But you know what direction to take.

"We'll talk about it on the ride back."

If that direction is a way forward or a way back, you don't know. You just feel that it would be wrong not to try.

[marshallpupfan]

New Marshall Pics! (Season 11, Ep.02)

Again, these episodes appeared early about a month ago over in the UK, so some of you might have already seen these. I decided to hold off until it popped up on TV, and my wait finally ended today!

The first segment - "Rescue Wheels: Pups Save the Risky Race"

I'm not going to lie - I did not like the last episode, whatsoever. Today, however... I thought both segments were pretty fun! This one involved Boomer and Roxi racing to the top of a snowy mountain, although one was racing more than the other, of course. There was some cute moments at the start, particularly a belly-sliding Marshall, and the mission gave everyone something to do, which was nice to see (even if what some of them did felt a bit forced). Boomer was rather entertaining, as always, so there's that, too. Overall, I enjoyed it!

And the second segment: "Rescue Wheels - Pups Save the Runaway Truck"

Easily the best of the two segments, and arguably one of the best episodes to come out of PAW Patrol in a long time. Seriously, I actually found myself chuckling a few times in this one! Boomer really stole the show and was easily the biggest highlight here, which once again makes it such a shame that this might be the last time we see him. The mission itself was fun, and it even gave me my dream team again (Chase and Marshall), even if it was brief. Overall, the whole thing was a lot of fun! I heard a comedian wrote this episode, and goodness me, I hope he writes for the show again!

That's all for now! We've got another new episode coming next week, although it's a regular episode this time. Some fans believe this is when the cartoon will switch over to the new animation style. There's no confirmation on this yet, but... who knows, maybe my next batch of pics will be Marshall with his new look! I certainly hope so! Guess we'll find out soon!

[amelikos]

Stray thoughts on Friede.

Just observations from the recent episodes.

I can't help but notice the continuing thread of making Friede take a step back narratively so the trio can handle things themselves and showcase their respective knowledge. A process that has started to gain momentum even more ever since chapter 3 which was about the trio training and growing more independently (we already saw the trio acting on their own ever since chapter 1, such as when Liko was able to retrieve her pendant from Spinel in HZ016 with Roy and Dot's help, etc). While the first year was about Friede acting as a safety net and teaching the kids various things until they grew enough so that they could train on their own in Terastal Debut. Chapter 3's concept cannot exist or be consistent without the first two chapters leading up to it.

Quite literally in this week's episode too (re: making Friede take a step back) since Friede was holding off the wild Pokemon while letting everyone else go ahead without him. And next week's preview states that Friede will not be there to fight Basagiri, so it feels like the writing is deliberately isolating Friede from the trio so that they can get Basagiri on board with them, while Friede will be there after the battle to witness the results of their growth after Basagiri does join them..? Friede was there to help Liko and Roy various times with the previous Heroes they encountered, like back when they met Galar Fire and Lapras. Both times with Galar Fire and Lapras, Friede was able to pinpoint their location (in Galar Fire's case, Friede had to help during the battle to make Liko's strategy work and in Lapras's case, he was the one who understood that Lapras was tricking them etc). And this time, the trio was able to gather hints about Basagiri's location on their own, while Friede joined them at the end.

Not sure where I'm going with this but. Friede fits the mentor character archetype. The wiser older figure who serves as a teacher and guide to the protagonist to help them develop the skills they lack and overcome obstacles.

That, coupled with: Friede observing the kids' growth twice so far in this chapter (HZ068 and HZ072), Dot singling him out as the reason she was able to start traveling on the ship (he was the one who invited her, which led Dot to eventually meeting Liko and Roy etc.. either way, we got an in-universe reminder that Friede's presence was meaningful to Dot and his invitation was important to her). We also got to have reminders that Friede is talented, smart and respected (and hot) (and pathetic) in his field of study, since Sazare uses his research as a basis to look for Pokemon to take pictures of.. and Friede beating Zeiyu at every challenge, too (casually setting him as someone strong).

Anyway, I'm writing all of this because I'm still curious about this specific Friede scene in the opening. I am aware that me picking up on the stuff I wrote above could just be a case of bias, since I feel like the scene in the opening has a potential ominous feeling to it, so. Either way, Friede is the mentor and making such a character take a step back narratively so the protagonist can stand on their own is a common story beat. And it's currently what is happening in Horizons. Now whether the mentor character (Friede) will go through something bad or not, is another matter entirely. Some stories kill off their mentors (it won't happen in Horizons of course), some others don't, but incapacitate their mentors somehow so the protagonist can save them. Either way, I'm just taking note of the Friede focus in the recent episodes, which has him watching over and pointing out the trio's growth (which is something that happened because of his direct involvement in their lives) and that we have fresh reminders of the kind of person Friede is (knowledgeable, strong, etc).

(Also, I'm avoiding the words "the trio doesn't /need/ Friede anymore" because I don't agree with downplaying characters and their respective roles in a story, etc. Especially since the RVT all help each other in their own ways and people need community. And this is not the Explorers situation where someone like Amethio doesn't exactly have someone to guide him (which is also why Friede is important in his character arc, because he is there to be someone that no one else in his life is) and is thrown out/considered unneeded once his actions are perceived as a "betrayal". My perspective is "the trio is growing with Friede's/everyone else's help and they are now able to do things on their own that they weren't able to do before, precisely because they were in an environment which allowed them to reach that point".)

[yoon-topias]

Yoontopia | Chapter 8 { Unpacking Desires }

⟡ Warnings: Strong language, depression, mental health issues, references to self harm, references to violence, references to sexual assault, manic episodes, smoking, risky behavior, jealousy, angst and Smut.

⟡ 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

⟡ Best friend's older brother x OC

⟡ Summary: Violet packing up her life when Yoongi gets back it turns into more than just unpacking, but unpacking their inner thoughts. letting the boundaries slip more than they have ever.

⟡ 5.6k words

Violet Pov:

As I sit here on the floor of my room clothes all around me piling up, starting with clothes everything else is pretty much staying here. I have a limit as to what I can bring. We are only using Tae's car. Necessities only is what Tae said. He also said he would come back up in the first few weeks to check in on me so he can bring some stuff up on a second run. I really appreciate that he is still in my life, but at what cost does it bring to both of us? I know he took our break up differently than I did. 

Me seeing it as a stepping stone in my soulmates path. He will always be one and we're connected on a different level than others, but he isn't THE one. Tae had the most trouble accepting it even until this point. I see the way he looks at me and I still look at him like that just with a little bit of a different gaze, his just has never changed full of admiration, longing, certainty of what I’m to him. The role I play in his life.  

Looking at the photo frame on my dresser of him and I, standing up from my pile of clothes. We are in our fuzzy bear onesies on the floor with me between his legs and messy hair, his cheeks are painted a rosy color. I wanted one cause' he is my bear, and he said "Well if I'm your bear don't I need to have one too miss?" Every Saturday night after the club or date night we needed up in those onesies on my floor playing uno and whoever won got whatever they said. In my case it was head and in his he wanted ninety-nine percent of the time sixty-nine cause' in his head we both won.  In the photo was the one time I made him put his wants first and he got head. 

I smile thinking about the times with him. What it would be like if life never came in between us. Those pink squishy cheeks I loved so much will always be a weakness of mine. 

Do I regret letting him go? It's hard cause if you ask me right off the bat I'm going to say yes, but I know if I look at the bigger picture no. If you love something, let it go. I was only ever holding him back from finding his true soulmate, but I can't let him go fully. My heart will always hold a piece of him like he holds a piece of mine. When I told him how I felt about it all he tried, god he tried to understand it but accepted what I chose and told me “I’m always by your side no one and I mean no one will come before you.” and I smiled at him and nodded my head. I knew there was no going against him; he had a determined look on his face full of certainty. Him and Scarlett really make a good team if I do say so myself, but I don't know if she is his soulmate. We never go that far into it. He always stops me and says he doesn't know because it's different from him and I, but that's how it should be different from him and I. I’ll let her take my place as long as I can have him some of the time to see that boxy smile. 

"Hey Vi, I'm back." I jump as I hear Yoongi's voice, getting lost in my mind has always been a weakness of mine but it's nice to think about those times. Me and Tae, a small smile curves my lips up. "Gosh Yoon you can't scare me like that!" setting the frame back down. I'll decide later if I'll bring it with me.  It's not like I don't have the pic in the special album labeled in my phone along with hundreds. "Looks like you made so much progress in the time I was gone." with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, Point at all the clothing in piles on the floor. "Hey! I'm doing my best to decide. I'll for sure need my work attire but then? I don't know, okay. I'm gonna be there alone."  

He steps over the pile by the door and opens my dresser drawer and takes out my kuromi pajamas. "Well for starters these will be going with you." But then what am I gonna sleep in tonight? Eh I'll just wear one of his shirts, not like I haven't before. Many nights at their house when we were younger I would stay over unplanned and he would always bring one of his shirts into the room for me to sleep in. He may be smaller than me in weight but the man truly loves oversized shirts which is much appreciated, with Tae I couldn't wear his since he wore more fitted shirts.  The small things really make girls feel like a princess. Huh? I also wanna feel like that sometimes. Not that Tae didn't though he fucking made me feel like a queen. It’s the small thing though sometimes. 

Without even asking Yoongi bends down and grabs the pile of work clothes,  starts to re-fold them since I honestly just pulled them out and tossed them in a pile not caring of making more work for myself. "Hey you don't gotta. You can just sit on the bed while I do this." 

"A peasant is really gonna make the princess do it all? Hell no." he laughs and starts to put them in the box. Looking down at the ground I have a lot to sort through. “Fine but I owe you.” he scoffs “You owe me? And what do I get?” Honestly I don't know what to offer him and then I tap my finger on my chin thinking “That's right, think all you want with that pretty mind of yours, you won't be able to give me what I want.” he lets out a small laugh folding up a pair of my black slacks “I’m thinking I’ll find something.” I walk over to the pile of clothes that's not sorted at all, drop to my knees in front of it. I'll start by looking at the sizing and seeing if it still fits and if it doesn't I'll just leave it here for safekeeping if I ever fit into it again, a terrible habit I have if I ever become small enough to fit them again… As I'm looking at the sizes there is a looming Silence over both of us but ya know when you're with someone and you don't always have to be talking to fill the void. Yeah that's me and Yoongi, we can just be near each other and be content. 

A lot of people think I'm too oblivious to most things, but in actuality I'm looking far into things to the point it consumes me. The words my father has imprinted in my mind will forever stick with me "run" and so I'm always searching for the way out of everything, with Yoongi? Yeah I decided long before it consumed me to run. Escape. I ran too quickly this time to even give it time to work out, but in my mind he never did like me just was messing with me. And me? I was never messing with him anytime we mindlessly flirted or even got close in touch. I craved it. Desired it. Ached for it. 

He on the other hand was out with girls left and right. Me? I was just waiting for him to notice me. Only me. 

When I finally decided I wasn't waiting Tae fell into my path at the right time. He got me out, went to the clubs and under the lights dancing in his arms I forgot about Min Yoongi even for a little bit.  The way our lips collided,  matched in sync I thought he was just gonna be a filler. No, Kim Taehyung isn't just filler, he is the glue that holds me together without even knowing how much he does for me. 

I wonder why Yoongi stopped his sexual escapades a while ago, after the first week of no girl rather multiple girls. His bed was a never ending revolving door as soon as he hit junior year. Can't blame him though most go through that phase, but why after those he would come to me like nothing ever changed even when I know for fact some of them turned into regulars. 

Too scared to sink into his intoxicating pull I distanced. He distanced. We both were a push and pull never ending tug of war of who will push a little further. Get a little closer. Pull the trigger. 

Neither of us pulled that trigger. Until now. 

Looking over at him almost done with his pile. "Yoon?" He hums in response, not looking up as he is working on folding a two piece suit of mine. "Why did you have all those girls? When you say I have only ever been the only one." he drops the top of the suit he was folding and looks up at me, his shaggy blonde hair tousled, wide eyes peeking through his bangs. "Huh? No, V this isn't the time for this conservation." 

"And why not?" Putting the last piece of clothing in the take pile dead eyeing him. "Cause Vi we have little time and I-I don't wanna lose any by talking about it." Why can't he just give me an answer anytime I made jokes about all the girls he got mad at and wouldn't talk to me for the day. Days even sometimes. 

"Was I not good enough to be a one nighter at least?" I scoff under my breath. 

His face contorts into disappointment. Anger. I know the look he has on his face, red is all he sees. I've seen it multiple times before when he gets like this sometimes even has blacked out from the anger and forgets what he says. We both aren't normal, I know that for a fact. . 

"Not good enough?" a deep scoff radiates from his chest. 

He steps over the clothes I just sorted and gets down on his knees in front of me looking me dead in the eyes, placing his hand under my chin so I can't look down, as I have a tendency of doing it. "You think I didn't wanna fuck you?" he bites his fucking lip. I don't know what to think I haven't seen him like this the way his voice rasps as he the words 'fuck you' like he's been holding it in for so long. He sounds lustful, Needy almost. He pulls my chin so his mouth meets my ear and takes a deep breath in like he is soaking me up. Fuck.  I never felt like this before and all he is doing is breathing. 

"You think I didn't see your purple panties before, love? Because I have and after I did unspeakable things in the shower holding myself back." he pulls back and looks me up and down with the most sinful eyes. Wrong time to be in just a sports bra and shorts cause' I can feel his gaze eating me without even touching me.  "Y-You saw?" he nods his head at me licking his lips. 

"Those shirts don't hide everything, sweets. As for those girls they were what I used to hold myself back from taking you, making you mine and consuming you all for myself. Don't forget it. You're one of the reasons I lose my mind." 

After saying his last words he presses a kiss on my forehead and stands up. "Now let's finishing packing we don't have a lot of time, sweets. I'ma need a fix after this. Ya know the deal."

Looking at him walking over to finish folding what he dropped and placing it in the box playing with his tongue ring between his teeth was a habit he picked up. I have no clue what to say. I guess I just read him wrong, but those repeat girls? He'll need to give me more on them even if it's been months since his last. My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest that I could have a heart attack and die at any moment. That voice I have heard before when he is stern with Hans and me. He only uses it when we're in trouble or he wants his point across. What did I bring out of him? but I  want to hear it again, no need to.

"What about the repeat customers? huh?" His eyes bolt over to me running his tongue on his inner cheek. 

"What bout’ em? cause' it's only one and she was escaping a situation-ship the same as me. Little unspoken contract Vi both escaping reality ended long ago. She worked out with hers, but will I get my own sweet escape? huh Vi?" 

I can't answer him cause in the back of my head Tae was that a sweet escape just like Jackson. He was doing exactly what I was doing escaping reality that we both were in. Maybe we aren't that different after all in some aspects. The way his voice rasped out 'my own sweet escape' runs chills through my body like a cold winter gust of wind. "We all want our own sweet escape Yoon." 

Push and pull. It's a game. Our game. 

"But will you be my sweet escape Vi?" he's never been this upfront he is pulling. No reeling me in like the largest fish in the pond wanting to just give up and let him, but it isn't fair we know if we cave now we both will blaze in hell's fire, but who doesn't get burned a little along the way?

"We'll see Yoon. Who will cave and become the sweet escape first." 

but what Violet doesn't know she already has become his sweet escape. He lost. He caved first. She has built a home. His utopia, hung up pictures, placed a rug, fuzzy blankets everywhere and those fucking stars. She already invaded his utopia and became the sweet escape. 

"You're on sweets. Ya know I love a challenge." he smirks 

He plays it off like she hasn't already ruled his life for years. The escape with the girls? nah that was just getting emotions out so his utopia wasn't clouded with fantasies. There is a reason he never looked the girls in the face one position ever. so he could zone into his fantasies even if it was just a daydream as he railed another girl. 

He just smirks and turns to my dresser starting to pack up the rest of my comfy clothes. I knew there was so much going on in his mind, I just wish I knew it all. Can't I be the one to know everything? But I know it needs to be earned, it won't be just given he’s just like me. We may have known each other for years and grown up together but we never pushed the boundary of our minds. Only one other person has been allowed in mine, Tae and it wasn't easily given at all. Just how much do I let him in? Before I leave. 

His back is faced away as he is taking out the folded pajamas of my second drawer of cozy clothes. Cozy clothes are my weakness. Clearly.  "Who is taking you there Vi?" 

Oh fuck. "Uh Taehyung." I bite down on my bottom lip. 

He doesn't just turn back, he slowly turns his gaze towards me and squints his eyes at me. raising my hands up in defense "Okay okay I know you don't love him, but it was before this." pointing my finger back and forth between him and I. 

"Also in my defense I didn't wanna take you away from the shop, and you can't move with a motorcycle Mister."  rolling my eyes at him. 

He scoffs and poking his tongue in his cheeks "Could've used Jin's or Ma's. Ya know I would've dropped everything to help. Also next time you roll your eyes at me you’ll regret it Vi."

“I guess we’ll just how bad I’ll regret it then.” 

Standing up, finishing my pile, taking the ‘not keeping’ portion just to throw it in a drawer I'll fix it when I get back. As soon as I get up he takes the clothes from me and places them in the drawer and mumbles 'I'll fix it when she's gone'  honestly I don't know what I'd do without him. He is always one step ahead of me. I wouldn't be able to make it without him. That's why I'm trying my best to not break it before it even has started.   

"I know you would've, but that's the issue I couldn't have asked you if a small part of it was running from you.  Now could I?" Placing the ‘keep clothes’ on the bed.  He grabs my wrist and pulls me around to look at him. 

"I'm a reason you are running?" His eyes show so much emotion. Pain. Guilt. Uncertainty. They shine with a million stars twinkling in them ready to fall. His emotions have always been a driving force for him. Which I love about him. He puts all of himself into everything, but it can be his weakness. 

Chewing on my bottom lip, unable to voice it to him. How do I tell him? I can't. He is staring me waiting intently under his breath he says 'fucking stop' and I don't know what that pertains to. Stop what? Yoongi lifts his hand, placing his thumb under my bottom lip and pulls it from my teeth crewing on it. "You gotta stop that. I can't take it Vi." 

"Can't take it?" his hand moves to my cheek, rubs it up and down. 

"For fucks sake please stop biting your lip, it's driving me insane. No more questions about it, just stop it Violet." afterward running his tongue ring across his teeth I can hear the metal going side to side under his teeth, a habit he got after getting it. He used my name, not just my nickname..all I can say is. "Okay." 

"Vi, I didn't mean to come off harsh I-"

"Nah I get it Yoon." I pull his hand away from my face and walk into the bathroom to start getting the things I won't use until getting to the new place. He in turn follows me of course he can never let things just be, squatting down, opening the cabinet to take out the hair tools I will not be using for the party needing to pack them up as I stand my eyes meeting him in the mirror. 

Locked eyes staring at each other he comes closer and reaches around to grab the hair tools out of my hands, setting them on the counter. "Vi." I hum in response. He hasn't taken his eyes off mine since I stood up. My heart races. Why does he make me feel this way when he talks in that low raspy voice, never did I look at it that way when I heard it before. Yeah it would make appearances in my dreams, but in real life I push all those away into my mind for later of course. 

My dreams are where I escape, learning how to lucid dream has been my only escape from this world. Besides when I’m with the three people, they can take me to solace for a little bit. Hans, Tae, and Yoongi. But sometimes I even need to escape them. 

  He steps behind me closer and I feel his chest against my back, taking a shaky deep breath trying to regulate my emotions. Hell I have looked some of the worst offenders in the eyes, but his make me crumble. It makes no sense. How can I look at people who have done the worst crimes imaginable, have a normal conversation with them but he says my name and I forget how to breathe. 

His hand runs down my arm leaving goosebumps littered on my skin as he makes his way down my forearm. "Do you know how hard it is holding in how much I want to fuck you? claim you. Make you mine." his fingers now playing with mine looking down to see his fingers skimming over mine lightly. "Look at me." 

His fingers stop and just clasps his hand around mine tightly. I lift my head and I'm met with the most intense gaze I have witnessed from him, hearing the metal scrape his teeth as he sucks in a breath. Placing my other hand on my hip as I look for some comfort in myself which only makes him pull my hand off myself, placing his hand where mine was. 

I feel insecure looking at him like this, being this close even though it's all I ever have wanted. "Want to know why I can't handle it huh?" 

"Please." Might as well be nice right? but another side of me is thinking about my black silk sheets in my dreams. The way they feel against my hand as I reach to grip them in my most unholiest of moments. 

Gripping my hip tighter and pushing me against the counter. "when you wear nothing but these-" pulling at the top of my shorts waistband letting them snap back to my body. Hand reaching up very slowly, his eyes look down at my sports bra and back up to my eyes. You think I'm gonna say no? Nah if I don't take my chance now my mind makes me think will I lose the one time I'll feel his touch like this. I'm greedy, I know another terrible habit of mine. I hear the metal again scraping, I wonder what he is thinking cause his hand has stopped at my rib cage. 

His hand on my rib cage makes it feel like they are crushing everything but also healing the heart that never has had a chance to breathe fully. The metal noise might just become my new euphoria in my dreams with the little smirk he displays.  

I feel his middle finger start to rub circles on my body and the feeling could send me to heaven and I'd get kicked out in the first five seconds from my thoughts. See you all in hell is all that i can think. 

"Your skin Vi has always been so soft, it's like those damn silk sheets. I wanna be wrapped up in you. Smothered by you, Fuck." he groans at the end of his sentence his eyes aren't trained on mine anymore but look at where his hand is. Yoongi looks like he is having a mental battle with himself. I can see it and feel it from the way he squeezes my other hand yet so gently with lightly rubbing circles on my skin. He's been easy to read for years for me. I know he has these battles. I just didn't know the extent until now. I need to give him some reassurance I don't want him going to war with himself. 

"What if I'd liked to be in your sheets with you wrapped up? Maybe I got you the black silk sheets to match mine, to make you think of me in your bed." 

He squeezes my hip, looks at me. "I've always thought of you Princess. You're getting me sidetracked from my thoughts." 

"Don't you mean pulling you into your thoughts Yoon."

He inhales harshly says "fuck it" under his breath lets go of my hip, pulls the hand where we're connected turns me around making me gasp in shock by his actions.   I automatically look up at him. I feel his knee placed between my thighs. "You're mine now,  Got it Violet?" 

"We're not official and we are not placing labels on this while I'm away." pointing my finger back and forth between him and I. As much as I want to say 'I'm yours' and get on my fucking knees for him I can't just cave and place something on this when I'm about to not even be here for a year or more. I need to be rational and not listen to my subby mind to submit to him like all I ever have wanted to do.

He places his hand on my jawline, thumb rubbing up and down on my cheek he really knows how to hit my spots. My weaknesses. It's taking everything in me not to rub up on his knee. "Baby you've always been mine since day one. We're intertwined, my little fish." 

I gulp letting out a breath that I have been holding in way too long. The air fills my lungs and I feel like I'm high. "What makes you say that?"

"Cause the moment I set my eyes on you as that dumb Immature boy you've always been the brightest thing in my life Vi, shining when everything else was dull."

His smile isn't just a small one it's his gummy smile that makes me turn into mush, taking his hand away from my face he places them both on the counter trapping me in "I need a fix VI." looking at his chest rising up and down "Well ya gotta let me out so I can go get one." tapping on his forearm. 

"You just don't get it Vi." he lets out a sigh and adjusts so his eyes are in line with mine. "You. You're the fix I need." the eyes that looked at me with so much guilt minutes ago he flips so fast and I'm not sure I can understand how he flips so quickly. Yeah I did some research on his disorder but I never looked at the way he flips so quickly in a way like that. 

He's always been Yoongi and that's how he is. I'm used to it but in this sense I don't know where to feed off of his emotions  back and forth. Do I ignore his question that started this all, wait for it to come back up? I don't know. I was always playing with fire and I didn't know it. "Please Vi, just this once. remember we're each other’s until you're gone. I need a fix before it's gone." he licks his lips. He's staring not at my eyes anymore but trained on my lips. Those eyes look like they have never been fed before aching for something. "I'm Yours unt-" he doesn't even let me finish before his lips are pressed on mine greedily taking what is his. 

My lips are moisturized as for him they are cracked and dry, can't ever get him to use damn chapstick unless I put it on for him. The pit of my stomach is turning just like those butterflies he always seems to make erupt within me. Our lips move in sync with his roughness, I can feel the need behind each movement he makes. His hands at some point find their way to my hips one is squeezing but the other? It's tapping one finger at time from his pinky to thumb.

 One. Two. Three. Four. Five. 

But somehow this feeling makes me sink in deep to my own desires of this like a damn meditation pulling me in. His tongue asks for permission and I don't think twice of it letting him, Feeling his tongue ring against my tongue it's different. I have always thought what it felt like hell I dream about it. It's just a piercing but it's him that makes it different. Euphoric. 

My chest is rising up and down,  my heart is beating so fast that you'd need a defibrillator to bring me back to life after this. Does he know what he is doing to me? I'm questioning everything I have pushed so far down. We both release for a second both taking rapid breaths he says 'fuck' under his many breath and he is still tapping on my hip over and over. Why? I don't know but I don't want it to stop it's better than the fucking squeezing at this point. 

"One more." he breathlessly says and just attaches back to my lips he doesn't ask for permission this time but just moves in sync with my lips guess he got his chapstick for today. He's taking all the moisture from my lips as he is devouring me for all that I'm worth.  We both pull away and hesitate to stop. I can feel it. I know he can also. He bites my lip and he pulls away slowly and releases it from his teeth ending with one last peck on my lips. 

Slowly opening my eyes I'm met with his head tilted up to the ceiling breathing readily. "God you're an angel and I'm just-" bringing his eyes down to look at me again "Lucifer dragging you to hell with me." 

"But what if I'm already in hell Luci. You just haven't run across me."  I blink up at him, his lips part and hear the metal scrap along his teeth. His lips curve up. 

"If that's the case, I've found you and you're not going anywhere my Lilith." he squeezes my hips with both hands this time letting go reaching my hair tools and turns to walk out the bathroom to the boxes spread out across the floor. "Y-yoon!" I rush to follow him into the bedroom and he's looking down at the box he placed them in. There is a light tent of red to his cheeks. There's my Yoon. It makes me smile a little but I can't tease him about it. "You can't just take all the packing for yourself! How will I know where's what?" 

He lifts his dead up and walks over to me with the light blush across his cheeks and bends down to my ear "Guess you're gonna have to pack me up too then." brushing against my shoulder and walking to the living room. 

"You can't pack everything Yoon!"  I rushed after him. He is already taking a picture of him and I on the wall for me to take. "Who says I can't, I know what you need, you forget I set this whole place up with Hans."He's just walking around me as I'm trying to keep up with him. 

For someone who doesn't like to move let alone can fall asleep wherever he is this is another side of him I rarely see. "Where is this Yoon all the time?" he scoffs. "Don't get used to it. I'm still the sleep deprived Yoon you know who can sleep hours and still be sleepy. I just can't waste any time with you Vi." he is grabbing the tape and tapes up a box. "Not like I don't know what you need to survive." Crossing my arms leaning on the door frame. "and what's that?" adding emphasis on every word spoken to him. 

"Your purple pajamas, cuties, fuzzy blankets, fuzzy socks for winter, silk sheets, vanilla scented bubble bath, reassurance constantly and not in a bad way, and Hans." He's forgetting one thing but do I call him out on it? hell yes. 

"You're forgetting one thing." he slowly walks up to me eyes scanning up and down my body there goes that fucking metal. I'll be hearing in my dreams for the rest of my days in my silk sheets. I'm sure I'll spend countless nights there by myself. "Oh yeah? Tell me Lils." He never was one for names but now he is making a nickname out of a nickname? Doesn't shock me at all. 

"You Yoon." biting on my bottom lip I never have been this blunt let alone to him. He steps closer and tapping my chin like when he puts my helmet on when our eyes meet his are glittered with millions of glitter shining back at me. "Good Girl. Silly me, how can I forget about me? guess I just always have wrapped you up in my silk sheets taking you everywhere with me."

"What do you mean Yoons?" I blink in confusion. 

"Another time princess. Let's get you packed so we can finish this night off right. projector and stars." he kisses my forehead but it isn't just a peck he lingers there for a second before he pulls away smiling at me. I know not to push farther; we already have pushed way too many boundaries for now. "Okays Yoons, but you can't do everything!" 

"Try and stop me sweets." he shrugs as he walks to clear out my nightstand. "Also we will be talking about why you were runnin’ from me." 

I guess he didn't forget about it, just his emotions come out in waves changing paths quickly and I need to understand it more. Maybe I can ask Jin? or maybe do more research. I just want to learn every little quirk he has and why he does it.  Some things I got to witness but others I'm seeing how he toned them down with me. It just makes me wonder why he was toning down for my sake or his own. I'm seeing different sides to the man I have been infatuated with since I was a little girl and it makes me want to learn all of them. This time away I want to learn everything I can. Start from the beginning, learning about him not just through him being my friend's protective older brother, but for Min Yoongi, the man that takes me to my own little heaven in hell.

Thank you for reading. ₊˚⊹♡

Previous | Next Chapter 8.5

All rights belong to @/Yoon-Topias. Do not copy/ translate.

[cdd-media-share]

Ruth's Story: 'Inside, I Feel Like Screaming'

The Press-Courier - Jun. 23, 1985.

-----------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER:

This is from 1985, so the wording might be quite odd/off/weird/questionable, and it might not reflect current-day understandings of DID.

I am simply sharing this for archival purposes, and to generally share some old, neat things related to CDDs. I'm just sharing for fun and out of interest.

THIS IS NOT AN EDUCATIONAL RESOURCE!

-----------------------------------------

To protect her identity, "Ruth," Dr. Neal Kline's patient with multiple personality disorder, did not want to be interviewed. But because she wants to alert people that this damaging condition is directly related to child abuse, Ruth - a woman of obvious intelligence - consented to answer some questions in writing. Follow is her story, and excerpts from her eloquent reply:

By RUTH Copley News Service

". . . My childhood was strewn with hideous, repeated traumatic episodes, but I seemed to be developing normally . . . except that I was constantly accused of (or attributed with) certain actions that I could not recall. . ."

"Bizarre, weird, alien, frightening, hysterical, hurtful, sad, futile, lost. These are all words that would apply to my feelings since childhood . . .

"To. . .ask what it feels like to 'wake up' after a period of being 'gone' seems almost insulting. What do you think I feel like? I usually feel like SCREAMING. I look at the calendar, and the clothes I have used, and my checkbook, and strange photographs on my bureau . . . or I examine the bruised on my body . . . and other things . . . and I feel like SCREAMING. My life is a nightmare (which I must keep hidden from friends and associates) and I go about pretending like nothing is wrong, but inside I feel like SCREAMING."

"Thank God I am an intelligent person. I keep a tenacious hold on my sanity and I function. When I am myself, I am reasonably calm, even happy some days. The rest of the time, I don't know what happens.

"I have learned to cope with waking up in strange beds, strange cities, strange countries. I have learned to reply to questions and situations as though I knew perfectly well what people are talking about. I have learned to smile and chat with perfect strangers who seem to know me very well.

"Actually, until a couple of years ago (and I am now over 50), I refused to admit that there was anything wrong with my life. I thought I simply had a poor memory and none of my friends ever told me anything so bizarre as my displaying a different personality in their presence.

"The comments were usually to the effect that maybe I'd had a drink or two, or perhaps I was in a strange mood yesterday, or whenever. So I was blocking out the multiple personality disorder knowledge on a conscious level. Since being treated by Dr. Kline, I have come to accept my illness for what it is: the result of a sadly twisted childhood and a sensitive nature that could not cope with the horrors of that childhood.

"Looking back, I can recall only two periods when I did not have blackouts: once for four years, and once for five years. These were periods when I was involved or living with one organization or person and I am sure that I remained myself those two periods.

As for describing my various personalities, I can only go by what others tell me. As we continue with analysis, I am becoming aware of them. But generally, they are STRANGERS to me and I do not know how, or why, they think the way they do, act that way, etc. No I am not aware of them in any other form. I cannot control their comings and goings, and I do not know how to 'summon them up' when being treated.

"I am very discouraged about 'integrating' these personalities at this time. It seems as though the pattern repeats and repeats, over and over again. Just as I feel happy and adjusted to my situation, I 'black out' and wake up days, or weeks later . . . where? In Puerto Rico? In Georgia? In New York? In Germany? There is no form of control and I am dejected as to finding a control factor.

"I have no ability to work and live on a disability pension. I have short-term relationships (and many I don't know about, from the evidence). I have become very surefooted with certain neighbors who must wonder at my comings and goings, and I have an excellent doctor who accepts my calls from strange airports, etc. What hope do I have along the lines of a cure? Very little.

"The fear of facing some secret in my childhood? This is, of course, the crux of the matter. Since the very beginning of my mental problems (depressions, suicidal feelings. . . many years ago), I have always been aware that one TREMENDOUSLY BAD THING happened to me in my childhood. I have always felt that, if this could be dug out, that perhaps the MPD would simply fade away.

"That is altogether too optimistic, I am learning. We have attempted several methods of reaching back to that child's brain of mind. So far, each time we have approached anything like those early years, another personality has popped out and prevented the probing from continuing.

"Hypnosis may yet be a viable path to this memory. We are not sure, but are trying many avenues."

"The problem, obviously, is helping the child AT THE TIME TO COPE WITH THESE FEELINGS. But first, a parent has to be present, and aware, and mine were neither.

"A major point I'd like to make about MPD? First of all, that it's REAL (too many people doubt its existence). Second, the care of a child is a serious matter. Parents cannot shirk this responsibility, and if they are not willing to really work at it, they have no right to have children. Today's attitudes are even worse than they were 50 years ago. Does that mean that years from now we will have more and more cases of MPD running around the world? It would be a funny thought if it were not so sad."

[lover-of-mine]

I’ve thought about it and considering we haven’t seen Lou on set yet if he’s going to be back in season 8 (though like everyone else I would not be mad if he just didn’t come back at all lol) I feel like one or more of the 3 following scenarios is happening

1. He’s been on set but for such minor scenes just to wrap up that storyline that it just so happened he wasn’t caught on camera

2. He’s not allowed to be involved in any PR including behind the scenes videos because of his cameo nonsense

3. He hasn’t been on set yet but he will be and they just didn’t have time during opening emergency stuff (which is what they’ve been filming I believe) to deal with BT breakup so maybe the first 3 eps focus on the emergency and Eddie and Tommy isn’t really mentioned (unless maybe by Buck to lay groundwork that it’s not working out) and then he comes back in ep 4 or later for the breakup.

I’m curious your thoughts now that we’re a little further into filming and have gotten some behind the scenes stuff.

Okay, I think that no matter what that man is under the most strict NDA an abc lawyer ever had to write. Second, they don't film things linearly and our first sign that Marisol was gonna be back was almost a month into filming even tho she was in 701, there's a chance they filmed emergencies in a bulk because of location availability and consistency or just because it was easier to block those together and he didn't show up yet because they are just now starting to film non call related stuff. But I feel like the longer we don't see him the options are:

They decided bringing him back is not worth it and that the narrative can take the hit of having him being written off off-screen because of the chaos the ghost of his presence can create (ref most recently the comments on Kenny's reel but literally anything else) or that they found out that the cameos were a breach of contract and they are not bringing him back at all. This is the less likely scenario in my head, but it is a possibility;

He already has been in to film whatever scenes they need him in. Like, they clustered them together, locked him and Oliver in a set for a day and then sent him on his way without anyone else seeing him because he's under the most strict NDA known to men and the rest of the crew just didn't post him;

He will show up soon and still be in the opening arc because realistic anything they film up until the end of the month can end up in the first episode anyway (opinion of a video editor, considering how s7 was, maybe even first week of September could still mean first episode);

He will show up soon but will only be addressed once the opening arc is over. I think this one is extremely unlikely mostly because the longer it takes to address the relationship, the crazier things are gonna get, just watch the way the other side is already losing it, it's gonna get worse once the show starts airing, he needs to be addressed quick, ignoring him within the narrative for 3/4 episodes is gonna create problems, for marketing and for the narrative;

He's been there multiple times already and they actually are hiding him. Hiding as in making a point of not letting anything involving him hit social media. This is a network show not a marvel movie so I don't see why they would hide him, but at this point I need to say it is a possibility that he is being hidden to avoid creating conversation.

He's a schrodinger cat. He's both there and not there at all times until we see something definitive. I still think they need him for at least 2 scenes (maybe one if they do the rest of the work with Buck talking to other people but it will be pushing it) so I'm not holding my breath for him not to come back at all. But I also know he's gonna be addressed in episode 1. Ali was addressed in 301, Taylor and Ana are both in 501, Natalia is addressed in 701 and Marisol is in 701. Whatever happens with him, we will know in 801.

[movedtolilmouzee]

Can you write something where Wayne is dying (I know, angst SORRY) and Eddie is upset so one night after he and reader come home from the hospital he tries having rough sex with them (you know, just to feel something/have some control in the moment) and reader is confused but goes along with it until he says something about “not wanting to lose her” and she makes him stop and he finally tells her that she’s his only family now if Wayne dies so he thought getting her pregnant and having a kid would be the best way to ensure that he’s guaranteed a family and that he won’t feel like he’s losing everyone and she reassures him that while that’s sweet and she’d love to have his kids, it’s not time for that right now and he needs to be there for Wayne and I’m sorry if this is too much but I am feeling SAD with a side of angsty sauce 😂 ty!

𝔒𝔫𝔢 𝔩𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢, 𝔭𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔟𝔞𝔟𝔶?

𝘔𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘛𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳, 𝘓𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵, 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵, 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵, 𝘚𝘮𝘶𝘵.

(𝙕𝙚𝙚'𝙨 𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚- 𝘿𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙞𝙯𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚. 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙪𝙥 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 <3)

Eddie had gotten the phone call that his uncle was in the hospital about a week ago while performing during a show. Everything fell apart that night, Eddie freaked out backstage crying and screaming in your arms while everyone packed their equipment up and offered to take care of the rest so eddie could see his uncle which you both said yes to and drove to the hospital. At first eddie didn't have the heart to step into the hospital room, stuttering about how he didn't want to cry in front of his uncle and how this was all some big nightmare, until the doctor came out of the room telling eddie his uncle wanted to see him.

Eddie immediately dashed into the room and next to his uncles side, tears quickly taking over his vision. Eddie couldn't think of what to do, to say, anything. He was just frozen, a statue holding your hand crying a million tears like a little boy who just dropped his favorite ice cream. Death was something that scared eddie so bad he wished he could be immortal.

The visits continued on for a few more days until the doctors told eddie that the treatments werent working and his uncle didn't have much time left. Something just snapped inside of eddie when he heard those words, he didn't speak a single word on the drive home, just staring at the road while his hands gripped the steering wheel. Though when eddie got home he was like a whole other person, he was immediately all over you, hands roaming your body. Eddie just told you it was a way to distract his mind and you went with it, not understanding what was happening with your boyfriend, all you knew what that eddie had carried you to the bed and was making quick work to remove every piece of clothing.

The next minute eddie had already prepped you for his cock and had sat you on his lap, holding you close to him while he slowly slid his cock inside your gummy walls moaning out your name. Sex with eddie was always so good. He was always gentle, soft and calm but tonight he was like a bunny in heat. His thrust were so rough that if he went any faster he'd break the bed.

This had gone on until eddie was close to cumming, you could tell something was wrong by how he held you so close to his chest and whispered "I don't wanna lose you, Y/N" this was you finally stopped eddie, climbing away from him. Cleaning yourself and eddie off while asking what was going on in his mind. Hearing those words send eddie into a crying episode, tears spilling from his eyes. "I'm scared, Y/N. I'm losing Wayne and I'm scared that I'll lose you too, when Wayne dies all ill have is you. What happenes if you die? I just thought that if i got you pregnant and build a family, I won't feel so alone anymore." He whispered, constantly wiping tears away from his face as he slowly calmed down now that he finally got everything off his chest.

"Eddie, I understand where your coming from but now isn't the time to try and get me pregnant. Nows the time for you to spend every moment you can with wayne, you don't know how much time you'll have with him. You need to cherish every moment, and while I love the thought of us having little eddies running around, we should wait until your in the right headspace." That was all it took for eddie to calm down.

Eddie took your advice and went to spend every moment he could with wayne. Making sure to have a hold of your hand every step of the way, still scared he'd lose you. Eddie lost Wayne three days later after that night. Though he acted fine with everyone else, he let everything out when around you, head resting on your shoulder while he cried his heart out, saying that it wasn't fair.

[prinnamon]

finally done with Shephard's Mind! i took notes on the first couple episodes weeks ago, put the series off, then raced through the rest in the past three days. series official playlist here. it doesn't include some of the extras, but i'll link all of them when i get to them!

even though all my notes are finished, i'm going to split them up into three posts (plus a fourth for comments and misc source finds) so that this is more manageable to revisit. it's a longer series than any of the ones i covered previously.

below are some overall thoughts about Mindrian as a character, followed by my notes on episodes 1-10.

my overall impressions of Shep, not specific to a single episode:

his first instinct is to give people the benefit of the doubt, but if someone definitively betrays his trust. he will hold a grudge.

interested in aliens. not really disgusted by them. doesn't have a problem killing them but doesn't seem to take joy from it that can't be attributed to an appreciation of his own skill/luck/success or a matter of "fuck this specific individual alien."

the description calls him a "cowardly individual," which i've seen one or two people disagree with, but which to me feels accurate. he runs from danger and only faces it head-on when he can't run anymore.

he's not really squeamish about evidence of bad things happening to other people unless the implication is that it could also happen to him. he is unabashedly looking out for himself first.

doesn't use his own name much in his internal monologue early on. did say "Adrian wins" in episode 10, so i started calling him Adrian instead of Shephard. but then he went and started referring to himself as Shephard quite a bit more frequently in the late series. oh well. you’ll all know who i’m talking about.

EPISODE 1

Adrian was asleep before the intro. dozes off again while the others are chitchatting.

considers "your mom" jokes immature.

COMPLETELY silent while the helicopter's getting blasted to bits

says "my tummy hurts" when he regains consciousness at one point. his tummy hurts and he's not gonna be brave about it. as is his right

not too upset at the sight of dead HECU soldiers! i mean, he was trained for this eventuality.

head hurts. flickering lights bad.

he's expecting the first aid station to dispense Advil. it does not.

recognizes his sergeant being carried by scientists on a stretcher. follows because "i'm not gonna miss a chance to see him in pain!"

gets knocked over when the headcrabbed soldier throws the scientist's body through the window. gets back up and runs away!

has a reasonable degree of fear but isn't panicking.

assumes the zombies are black mesa's creation/responsibility. ("hey, your monster broke out of the lab.")

treats the first guard he meets as an ally! …until said guard offers arbitrary instructions Adrian has to follow before they can move on. then Adrian becomes antagonistic towards him.

lets the zombie chase the scientist while he goes for his vest. once he realizes how the headcrabs attack and attach to people, he decides to go help.

doesn't really end up helping. won't let the scientist stand behind him. ultimately leaves him behind. the scientist can be heard getting killed off-screen.

Adrian wants something he can keep between him and the enemy. grabs a rolling chair and pushes it around in front of him. (like Stark with that stool…) ditches it for the wrench immediately but then goes back for it and uses it to climb safely past the laser.

gets a bad electrical shock from a live wire. takes a break to recover.

best line: (after noticing collapsed support beams) "so, uh… you guys doing some renovations in here or what?" (after noticing bloody handprints on the wall) "and, uh, heh, evidently some… ahem… finger painting."

EPISODE 2

acknowledges the HUD! he can see it. it displays on the lenses of his helmet.

doesn't want to touch the crabs :/ avoids instead of engaging!

accosts the guard, demanding he let Adrian in. when he doesn't, Adrian is surprisingly willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and dismiss it as being because of technical difficulties.

would NOT work here.

yells to hear his voice echo in the chasm

"okay. i probably shouldn't look down." (inching closer to the edge of the cliff and looking down) "don't look down. why are you looking down? stop looking down!" (looking back up and moving on) "okay"

very enthusiastic about finding a knife. takes it out of the vortigaunt's corpse without noticing the body. spends several seconds admiring the knife before realizing there's an alien there

"i've never seen an alien up close." (buddy what do you think the crabs are? oh, wait, right, he thinks zombies—and i guess, by extension, also headcrabs—are black mesa's creation.) "but now that i have… now that i have, i feel richer for the experience." he's learning so much!

only mildly bummed/perturbed to reach the crash site and find everyone there dead.

brushes the same arm that was already electrocuted up against the electrified fence in the middle of chastising a dead guard for having been electrocuted.

slur count: 1

i've noticed he goes quiet for long stretches when there's immediate danger or he needs to focus. he may be a contender for mind series character most capable of shutting the fuck up

thinks to check a soldier for a pulse.

cannot whistle. wishes he could.

hit by a vortigaunt's beam. electricity really is his number 1 enemy

never goes to barbecues. they're boring to him

left the base at noon. estimates it to be 5:30 PM now. hoping to "get home before [he misses] the new episode of House tonight" (referring to the show House MD and placing the series between 2004 and 2012)

best line: "all i did was touch an electrified wire and i'm already 12 percent dead! or 88 percent alive, depending on your point of view."

EPISODE 3

formulating a backup plan that involves stealing an alien spaceship from a lab.

sees a barnacle. considers leaving it alone because he wants nothing to do with it. reconsiders. kills it.

thinks maybe this one wasn't an alien. after all, he hadn't heard of echidnas until recently

loves the laser sight on the desert eagle. sounds almost disappointed at how easy it is to kill aliens with it.

has second thoughts about stealing an alien ship. it wouldn't be good to get mistaken for an invader by air traffic control.

wonders if the invasion is happening all over the planet.

hit by a vortigaunt's beam again!

sooo disappointed about being unable to take the lift up to the top

incredibly grateful to gman for letting him out of the electrified toxic waste room. when gman isn't there, Adrian wonders where he could've gone since the other way out is also blocked by electrified toxic waste

unhappy that all his pessimistic predictions are coming true. thinks of himself as "the Nostradamus of fucking up."

thinks headcrabs look like featherless chickens. contemplating taking one home and cooking and eating it.

chastises a dead guard for dying right next to a first aid station. hopes said guard reincarnates as a featherless chicken alien

slur count: 2

has a cousin James who thought he was a spider in his past life & would try to construct webs out of his own hair

fails at tucking and rolling

wonders now if gman ("that suit guy") found a secret passage out. resents gman for not telling him about it.

refers to an automatic gate arm by itself as a toll booth

best line: "okay, that's it! i'm gonna beat the shit out of you… with bullets!"

EPISODE 4

his suit is not waterproof. neither is his mask

disgusted at the barnacles slurming him when he shoots them

mood is greatly improved by the discovery of a hand grenade. mischievously says "it's time to ruin someone's day >:)"

recounts a story of a guy sneaking into prison with a hand grenade up his ass. hopes he can acquire lightning powers so that in case he goes to prison he can have a weapon on hand without having to store it in such a difficult and uncomfortable way

very irritated by the alarm sound

initially mistakes the houndeyes for puppies but guns them down before they can do their soundwave attack.

was terrified of big dogs as a little kid. says that fear has been replaced by his new fear of aliens. (wait, so was he afraid of big dogs until black mesa when he found something to be more afraid of, or did he leave it behind in childhood?)

calls houndeyes hamdogs. (headcrabs are still chickens. zombies are zombie chickens. vortigaunts are, i think, just aliens.)

feeling tired again. apparently couldn't sleep the night before. supposes that "maybe on some intuitive, instinctual level, i really knew this was going to happen."

takes a lil nap on the tram. mumbles in his sleep about "Freeman" and "pulling out," which is quoting something he doesn't hear until next epesode. his premonitions… (technically, Adrian has heard the name "Freeman" before over the intercom--at least, according to Krim; i never verified that myself—but next episode when he hears the name "Freeman," he responds "who?")

gets Otis a chocolate bar from the vending machine. when Otis doesn't move to take it, Adrian goes for it. his now :]

Otis shoots a zombie, so Adrian, impressed, invites him to tag along.

slur count: 3. follows this one with a "no offense" :\

in response to Otis saying "fighting aliens is not in my job description," Adrian offers that at least it'll look good on a resume.

manages to find a working phone and call 911. is sadly taken for a prank caller. may have also reached a pizza place instead of 911..?

best line: (about houndeyes) "and it's got, like, twenty eyes. who the fuck needs to see that many things at once!?"

EPISODE 5

this episode has a cold opening before the intro! and it's a really good gag honestly

gets put on hold by the person on the other end of the call. gets so mad he shoots the phone multiple times

directs Otis to stay behind and make sure everyone who arrives via the tram gets through safely. wow. that's really considerate

calls a headcrab a headcrab for what i believe is the first time! no longer featherless chickens. they are now crabs. another victim of carcinization

announces that backup (himself) has arrived. never walks this back even though everyone dies before he reaches them there

figures out the HEV chargers work with the PCVs!

does not have a dust allergy. this is fortunate, because the vents are dusty.

tells another marine he should go easier on the scientist since the guy's probably at least 60.

wonders who Freeman is. jokingly but accurately guesses he's an "evil scientist who drops people down elevator shafts or collects human skulls or something."

distraught at being shut in while the helicopter leaves without him. recognizes gman from earlier and is angry that he won't open the door.

epic melee combat sequence with cool music playing! Adrian efficiently takes down three vortigaunts using only the wrench and doesn't say a word.

sadly, the above only occurred in Adrian's imagination. in his Shephard's Mind, if you will.

the real encounter involves him running around and wildly shooting without landing most of his shots

fantasizes about enacting cartoon violence against gman

generally no longer surprised by aliens teleporting in. getting used to all the bullshit like finding weapons lying around in random spots and having to crawl through vents. not pleased at the fact that he's getting used to this.

immediately goes for a vent, ignoring a door. catches himself in the middle of doing so, but the door's locked anyway, so he had the right idea in the first place

perplexed at how a metal air vent partially submerged in electrified water does not electrocute him when he stands on it

piss time! nobody was looking, but then of course someone shows up right in the middle so he has to try to play it cool. end of episode.

best line: "like, what happened? did they just suddenly decide to convert this entire room into a pool? i hope they at least put chlorine in it. wouldn't want the aliens to get sick!"

EPISODE 6

the scientist who saw him pissing is dead now. eaten by zombie. no witnesses ("on the upside, the only man who has ever seen me with my pants down is now dead")

"i just saw this guy, like, three minutes ago" huh? took you three minutes to piss???

smacked in the head (helmet) by a fan blade. this is painful but not horribly so

wrist is starting to hurt from the recoil of the guns he's using. anticipates he'll get carpal tunnel "by next year." (so he is counting on his own survival.)

critical of the positioning of the "alien garden" right next to the vents of fire

entranced by the xen light stalks. starts making silly noises and "scaring" them for fun

gets that mischievous manner about him again when he has the opportunity to disobey a warning sign and blow some shit up

questions what the gonome is tossing at him and realizes with disgust that it's throwing parts of its own body

wanting to shower soon. worried about getting sick from alien blood in his wounds. thinks it could give him superpowers or leukemia

feels safe in the vents since it's harder for things to surprise him

irritated at a dying marine's unhelpful and obvious advice

goes for his gun and accidentally grabs the wrench instead for a sec. very silly

once again dreams of commandeering a vehicle to make getting out of here easier

frustrated that all the black mesa employees are afraid of him. thinks he deserves some appreciation for killing aliens.

best line: "looks like the service elevator is… out of service :("

EPISODE 7

successfully conquering (or suppressing) his fear of heights!

anticipates he'll come out of this situation with a drug addiction (which, at this point, he thinks he's earned)

looks back and forth between the crashed elevator and the snapped/sparking cables and then, in a goofy voice, says "well, there's your problem!" and proceeds to laugh for several seconds. i found this endearing

slips and falls :[

plans to make a habit of turning off electricity wherever he can since there have been so many electrical hazards

considers himself good at climbing ropes normally. climbing an elevator cable is a nightmare and a horrible experience (greasy)

"better not fire this gun." (continues holding gun at the ready as though prepared to fire at any moment)

(disapprovingly) is that a crate of explosives!?" (throws a grenade to blow it up)

grossed out by human head on the floor

remarks "what a shocking end!" about an electrocuted scientist. proud of and entertained by his cheesy one-liner

derogatorily calls a headcrab a "little ballsack"

cheerfully greets and has a positive interaction with a scientist

finds a radio. laments that there's nobody still around to call. hears voices nearby, though, so he gives it a try anyway.

links up with other marines for the first time! one of them's Jack, an engineer from his squad in the helicopter at the start! (Adrian doesn't know the other guy, and he won't say his name)

incredibly impressed when Jack lights his cutting torch with his cigarette

guy-who-won't-say-his-name stays behind while Jack and Adrian go on.

Space Oddity is the elevator music here! kinda neat. Adrian sings along a bit but doesn't remember the words.

best line: "oho! you just lit that with a cigarette! didja see that? he lit it with a cigarette. that's hardcore."

EPISODE 8

(while fighting aliens as the elevator music continues) "the power of David Bowie compels you!"

Adrian and Jack cooperate well!

Adrian considers how easily aliens break down doors and whether he could use that to his advantage.

Jack was,,, told to guard this area? so he stays behind. i understand talking to an NPC is sorta impractical, but i will miss him.

explodes a vortigaunt with a knife. shocked at the fact that this really happened. supposes they're so explodeable because their bodies are full of electricity…

the cool melee sequences he could only daydream of a few episodes ago are now a reality! good for him. character growth.

his actual life goal was to go into acting, not the military. thinks he could have cut it as a martial arts movie star.

passes Freeman's employee of the month photo and laughs about it. "yeah, i bet that guy's wishing he had taken the opening for a high school science teacher right about now."

gets briefly strangled by a barnacle. after escaping, he immediately backs into another one. decides these are the worst aliens. "now my trachea feels like someone stepped on it >:("

once again has the displeasure of encountering electrified toxic waste

apparently had gross greasy hands for quite a while after climbing the elevator cable but is no longer plagued by that

feels so insulted to have been shot with bees. would rather be shot with bullets

comes across a medic he doesn't know! pokes fun at the fact that Jack is "bravely defending a walk-in closet."

stumbles into a turret laser and gets shot at. very irritated by this. claims he was there the day turrets were brought onto the base and was assured friendly fire would not be a problem

gets shot at by black ops but still sees them as misguided allies who think he's an alien

when saying "it's me, Corporal Shephard" still gets him shot at, he tries "i mean, Corporal Swanson!" just in case that changes their minds

doesn't actually mean to kill the first assassin; only intended to fire off "a few warning shots."

worried about being court-martialed for killing four people.

there's a fifth assassin. Adrian fights him. while the assassin lies on the ground, Adrian says, "i'm sorry, but I can't have any witnesses" and then shoots him in the head.

he’s hoping the situation doesn't continue to spiral out of control and result in him having to kill even more people

has always wanted to say "double-time it" and is happy he got the chance to do so

i really like the way he tells the medic "come on, come on! we got an injured guy! there's no time to dust for fingerprints here! let's go!" because it simultaneously conveys the urgency he feels because of the engineer's injuries and his need to hurry the medic along so that he doesn't put together the details of what Adrian did. 😀😄

best line: "that's how it goes. in the face of extinction, all men become equals. and most of them become dead."

EPISODE 9

accidentally hits the engineer's gas can when trying to take out the turret. very dismayed at the bloody mess. the medic is unconcerned

never expected he'd ever actually kill someone. even when he enlisted, the possibility didn't feel real

makes several unsuccessful attempts to flirt with the assassins

says "okay, this time i'm not going to kill anyone" and then takes the assassins out with the pipe wrench, spraying blood everywhere. Adrian..! that kills people!

chastises a marine for getting BITS all over the place. later admonishes the same guy for talking loudly while they're trying to stay hidden. sadly has nothing nice to say to him

formulates a plan to dispose of all the weapons he used to murder people today in electrified toxic waste. suspects that black mesa disposes of incriminating evidence the same way

Adrian's knee gets grazed by a bullet because he's trying to flirt with an assassin. he STILL keeps trying even after this

very pleased with himself because he thinks he's being very stealthy, hiding from some assassins behind a box. accidentally backs into some other assassins.

suggests black leather in a brightly-lit area with light-colored walls may not be the pinnacle of stealth

can't explain why, but he feels Freeman is the reason he's here.

carries the SAW (which he calls the M60) for a while and uses it until it runs out of ammo. decides it's too heavy to justify carrying indefinitely. abandons it.

best line: "you see that, private? i just shot her in the leg. that's called courtesy."

EPISODE 10

anticipates being awarded a good ten medals at the end of this. purple heart for sure. thinks he's eligible for a medal of honor. as long as he's not a wanted criminal, that is.

he is DELIGHTED with how well things went when he distracted an assassin with a grenade and then shot him in the back of the head. "Adrian wins. Flawless victory."

shocked to find a rocket launcher not in use. disappointed that he can't carry it with him. "goddamn. i really wanna blow things up :("

believes he's "almost outta here." buddy you're not even at the halfway point of the series

"who's there? come out where i can see you! i got a half-melted chocolate bar and i'm not afraid to eat it!"

hears Freeman's name. looking forward to kicking his ass.

VERY nearly makes it into the portal after him.

somehow able to tell the difference between an open portal and a closed one.

has a lot of reservations about being on "the alien planet." might breathe in poisons… might contract an alien virus… nowhere to get a cup of coffee…

enjoying the low gravity, though. feels strong.

holding onto some uranium-235 even though he doesn't currently have any weapons that use it as ammo because he thinks he can sell it after this is over.

gets launched by a "crazy space trampoline" and hates the planet again.

a scientist falls from a portal up above, to which Adrian says "oh my god. it's raining men"

calls the displacer cannon the BFG9000

engages in the classic pastime called "make up a guy to get scared of" (jokes about there being giant bees and then gets worried about having to fight giant bees)

falls and screams for so long he runs out of breath and starts to cough. pathetically tries to continue screaming but can't make it work and is confused that he isn't dying

best line: of COURSE it has to go to "hey! get back here, you big orange fuck!"