#i'm gonna have his babies
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admin: joseph quinn's beard has me in a chokehold rn💦💦💦💦🌊🌊🌊🌊
niagara falls in this bitch🤪
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JIN HUGS JIN HUGS! for @jinstronaut ♡
cr. namuspromised, dwellingsouls, 0613data
#btsgif#dailybts#btsedit#seokjin#bts#bangtan#usersky#usersan#userkelli#usermaggie#raplineuser#usersevn#tuserandi#userpat#userines#*sj#*bangtan#*comp#*gifs#em I have no idea in which timezone you are so I'm just gonna let this post at midnight my time asdgh#HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!!!! I hope you'll have theeee bestest of days today my love you deserve it like no one else#I mean you've literally gifted us 500+ jin sets over the past 18 months -#this seems like the smallest thank you in return#you asked if someone could send you jinnie hugs so here I am!!!#if I could I'd fly to korea grab that man under his gigantic shoulders and bring him directly to your doorstep for the biggest bday hug#but for now this little set will have to do!#it gave me so much happiness just look at all the smiles with those big hugs :( and ofc I had to start and end it with jinkook <33#I love you lots emmeline thank you for being an amazing person all the time#you deserve so much appreciation and love and I hope you get showered with just that#not only today but all the time <3
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Lark can't handle nice things, and as he says "always fucks it up."
Drew a scene from this fic here, please please go read it right now!
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dungeons and daddies fanart#dndads fanart#fanfic#dndads fanfic#lark oak#nick close#nicky foster#i'm not tagging all his names#lark oak garcia#dndads s1#nark#baby's first ever comic yippee#nark got me so fucked that i learned how to make a comic for them#this fic has me real fucked up i love it so much#and everything by this author is rlly good#if u like nark angst or lark angst or both ur gonna have a good time then#kind of obsessed with this they've been rotting my brain so hard i drew lark so much here i have him down pat
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Thinking longingly about him again. (The Pennyworth series for some inexplicable reason.)
#pennyworth#listen#that show was fucking bonkers#but I have such#a need#for that version of Alfie Pennyworth to interact with baby Bruce Wayne#Martha and Thomas probably handed Bruce to him just to hold#and Alfie did the bugs bunny communism meme in his head#'your baby? you mean OUR baby'#'I'm gonna teach him crime :)'
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OlderDad!Bakugou who gets a haircut and his baby doesn't recognize him and he doesn't want his dad to pick him up 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Bakugou has a cry in the bathroom and you have to spend the rest of the night consoling him.
Also Hiiiiiii, miss u, hope youre gooooood
head in my hands bc of this, just thought abt bakugo growing out his hair a little bit right after baby's birth...takes him months to go and get a real haircut cuz he doesn't wanna burden you more than he already has and by the time he's okay with the thought (but only for "AN HOUR MAX," is what he says), he has a mullet thing going on and all this scruff on his chin🥺🥺🥺
so he gets home with his regular ol' haircut, maybe a little shorter just to account for ... not wanting to go again so soon, and baby's HOLLERING bloody murder as soon as they see him and refusing to be taken out of your arms, doing that thing where they're flipping their face back and forth to dodge a kiss...
it's so tragic bc not even a little cheek nuzzling helps to calm them bc bakugo's CLEAN SHAVEN and smells like aftershave instead of like dad when he tries!!!!!!
and after, you watch him kinda sulk into the bathroom, thinking like aw yeah thats a bummer but also pretty funny, too (esp bc the haircut does look good🫣🤓), AND HE DOESN'T COME OUT FOR LIKE an hour???
....until you finally have to ask him if he's okay in there and you're opening the door to him sitting on the toilet seat, arms crossed and red cheeks a little streaky with tears...
LJFKASDJFADSJK it's the cutest, most sad sight you ever did see!! ofc Bakugo tries to deny it, but the way he tears up again (after you're done assuring him he did nothing wrong) when his baby finally realizes it's him and smiles (and then how he refuses to give them up again until bedtime) has his ass. EXPOSED.
(i love and miss u more than air, earth, water, dirt + HOPE YOU'RE GOOD TOO BESTIE ILY)
#bakugo#HI PYGMY THIS WAS INSANE OF U TO SAY THANK U PYGMY MY BFFL#but sorry u said this and i had to rip the idea right out of your hands and put it straight into my mouth#i feel like i'm high on a drug i really do#bakugo doing that thing where he he refuses to leave baby or u for long periods and fights being told to go do something nice for himself#he's showing up to his first guys night in like 6 months and doesn't know what do with himself#needs a baby picture once and hour#and he gets home to baby asleep in the crib and YES he's upset he missed bedtime but also like. wow. alone time with y/n.#and he just wants to hold u🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and watch a movie and be together#and he;s finally at a point in his life when he's able to admit vulnerability and talks abt feeling like an inadequate dad.#and finally u just have to shut him up by fuc-[redacted for profanity]#oh my god gonna think abt this all night#ALL NIGHT I LOVE U PYGMY#caitie things#kids tw#gen#pygmy lurks
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Yeah, so while I was on my "I'm going to read into Vanny/Vanessa as much as possible" journey, I noticed an odd quirk in her animations in how she moves. At first, I thought it reminded me of a ballerina, 'cause she's kinda tip-toeing, & she has this way of keeping her head & chest in one place as she moves, but I looked again & realized --
That's not ballet! She's doing a tight-rope act. Like, look at this one:
This is like standing up on the wooden boards before you do the actual tight-rope walking, & the ring leader is hyping you up as you do some fun movement for the crowds. &, then, these:
These are all instances where she walks with one foot directly in front of the other. In that third, she's doing the "woaaah" wiggly-ass balance movements & everything, as if she's swaying up at the top of the tent, even though she's down on solid ground.
Idk, I feel like the way her feet are placed isn't accurate (pretty sure they should be pointed left & right, not both forwards...) doesn't make this 100% correct, but I like it. It also connects back with her first SB teaser, wherein she's up in the rafters.
#em.txt#security breach#fnaf sb#vanny#vannessa#okay but you can read more into this. tightrope acts are almost always associated with circus performances#& we know afton enjoyed himself a circus themeing -- made the whole circus baby peanut gallery & he was also a massive clown#see he's like molding her into one of his performers where he is the ring leader calling the shots#& she is the tightrope walker that the crowd watches with baited breath to see if she falls or makes it across#tightrope walking has also been associated with walking a line between two different worlds or extremes#so on one end she wants to obey afton & comply in killing & on the other she wants to hold onto her life as it was#& she's in the middle trying to not step too far to either side or else she's gonna fall & there is no safety net for her#there's also like. in ruin the vanni mask obscures reality. the vr world is completely different.#if vanny's mask has that tech in it then she's constantly stuck in vr. to her it may actually not look like#stable ground. it may look like she's miles up in the air about to fall. because that's what the glitch needs her to see#because if she saw that wherever she next planted her food foot was safe stable ground she might not be so anxious to keep on#moving down this path#wait hold on is this all an optical illusion & I'm seeing it wrong is it the angle#IT'S TOO LATE THE POST IS MADE HIT POST#did i just pull a matpat misread a minor detail & extrapolate unintended overly detailed info#that is inherently untrue bc the detail it's based on isn't there/is incorrect?#see this is why the game theory channel should have gone to me i can do this matpat bullhonkus no prob bob!
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Drawing them with a baby yesterday made me think about if I thought Prestonbart would have kids and the answer is not necessarily but IF they were to have a kid, it would be in this sort of constellation. Carol decides to have a kid, asks Bart and/or Preston to be a known donor, they discuss this with each other and eventually decide yeah, a kid sounds rad, but they'd like to be properly involved, as dads not just fun uncles. So -- et voilà -- three parent family. Also, the free space in this image bothers me immensely.
#dc#dc comics#fanart#bobbinart#carol bucklen#preston lindsay#bart allen#prestonbart#this is today's prestonbart drawing this took me an embarrassing amount of time#carol&preston&bart#oc max bucklen#i suppose#i don't think i'm ever gonna draw them again but who knows#also it's clear enough i think but i do feel the need to re-iterate that carol's not a surrogate or whatever#she's max' mom. they're all equal parents#also bart and carol have drunk from the fountain of youth they always have baby faces#preston looks like his dad with his mom's hair
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KakaIru + Those Four Guys From Naruto
I'll assume you've seen the original versions with the canon couples. (I'd link it but have no idea what the OG really is). Now it's the gae version.
#kakairu#koteizu#Genrai#Naruto#Those two guys from Naruto#those two guys from naruto but it's not those two guys#genma shiranui#namiashi raidou#hagane kotetsu#izumo kamizuki#the funniest bit of this is that izumo's screencap isn't edited. Demon Possessed Izumo canon#Also funny that literally 2 seconds after that he's already putting his anger behind because he had a DUO battle tactic idea#Izumo: *is ready to falcon punch Kotetsu into another dimension after embarrassing him in front of 2 ANBU jonin*#Also Izumo: *includes his buddy his friend his sun and stars into his tactic ideas regardless because Friendship Means Friend*#Izumo is the embodiment of 'Just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I stopped caring'#Also Izumo is currently on duty in that scene + dealing with Ko's lazy ass + just embarrassed himself in front of 2 respected jonin ->#and STILL had an idea for a killer top tier tactic right there. Brilliant baby. Smart boi. Intelligent cutie. Creative little muffin. I lov#Also this is in no way a diss to iruka. Iruka bby. Iruka my boy. Iruka my heart & soul since naruto 1st aired. i love u bby.#Kotetsu in canon: Wants to fight Izumo. Kotetsu as soon as Izumo wants to fight: NOPE *runs*#also gonna post the not gay version for the non shipper side of fandom. Not like I have more than 4 followers but in case it makes it out#It's just. I've seen The 4 Guys being shipped in PLENTY KakaIru fics. So I assumed someone might enjoy this lmao#also because i ship these 3. Everything gay I ship. I love me some non toxic masculine intimate friendship but I also love my gay sorry
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Luigi taking care of a Yoshi egg and Bowser walks past seeing him holding an egg cradling it like his own baby clearly warming it with his own body heat and it makes Bowser slightly feral. Accidentally turns on the baby brain. Absolutely needs to go make a nest and put his nest mate in there and have a healthy brood right now this very second. Higher thinking pft gone, only snuggle in nest and egg.
#I think this works for both established Bowuigi and they're not even dating bowuigi#Bowuigi#I think bowser can have a little feral as a treat#If in an established relationship Luigis mustache twitches and he knows bowsers up to something XD#Like hm. Husband stache senses tingling bowser is doing something daft#If not established and Luigi is just minding his business out somewhere he's probably gonna get snatched#Something about man holding egg makes Bowser stupid#Look the man has like 7 kids you KNOW he has baby brain#Also I like the idea of him reproducing asexually so he could easily get all broody cause of environmental stimulus and lay an egg#Sees hubby being a doting father to egg and it accidentally triggers ur reproductive cycle#And now I'm thinking of bowser being silly guarding Yoshi eggs and Luigi#The nest is just pillows blankets cushions half a sofa??? Mattress duvets anything soft#Luigi#Bowser
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Ben coming back to the cabin to see yet another cannibalistic ritual
#🐇#yellowjackets#again with the cannibalistic blue balls I see how you guys are playing the game at least I know it's gonna happen#poor javi it should have been travis let's be real he provides nothing#loved the misty on mari violence also#and we were all right about jackie's necklace! our girl's keeping the group together even still#also I know I'm literally the only one on the jackie antler queen train and while I don't think it's true rather than just funsies#it's making me wonder if this is more of a fae situation going on? it's been a looooooong time since I read about all of this stuff but now#after jackie's death and the baby's death and what happened to Ben this week it's kinda making me suspicious#like is the antler queen supposed to represent the unseelie queen? is it the unseelie queen? idk I'll have to look into this to see if it#fits. I'm leaning more towards that now than wendigo psychosis#also hilarious because I did say that portals was insanely jackie coded so we're coming full circle#also I've said I'm suspicious of walter but how the fuck is that dude so rich?? I'm onto his ass he is not to be trusted
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Like ofc I'm gonna be smitten with the new Warden
#he has a BABY GRIFFON#the press release describes him as “bold and charming” sooooooo#hello davrin very pleased to meet u#guys at this point I'm really just trying to sketch out my excitement so i can sleep#I FCKN LOVE WARDENS AAAAAA#i have watched his part of the companions trailer 100 times I'm not sorry#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#da:v#fanart#dragon age davrin#davrin veilguard#sketching and doodling#myfandomincolor draws#kinda happy with this one so i'm gonna come back and finish a lil portrait paint of him#the griffon has to be Crookytail's fledgling right?#RIGHT????
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THE SIGN (2023) EP. 2 // EP. 5 // EP. 6
#the sign the series#the sign#thesignsource#thaidrama#phayatharn#tusersilence#userpharawee#user25shades#mjtag#uservix#userrlaura#asiandramasource#dramasource#dailyasiandramas#tvarchive#asiandramaedit#tansgifs#gifs:ts#flashing#tharn baby i know it hurts i know but come on now you are making both you and phaya absolutely miserable#so i really hope you are doing this cuz u tryna spy on dr timothee chalamet#<- the only time i've ever written this guy's name right is when i'm calling someone else by his name#WAIT AKSJDGKAHGDFKJASGDFKJGAKJDFASKDFKJABSDKJF#a sign that it's midnight : making myself laugh in my own tags#WAIT I JUST SAID SIGN IN A THE SIGN POST ASKJBSJDFJHAGDFJAGSDJF#anyways i do have an idea as to why tharn is avoiding phaya for real that is not dr celery juice related but that's gonna be another gifset#i need to get to bed it's critical
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one of a kind living in a world gone plastic
baby you're so classic
@most-tragic-character-tournament
(all my thoughts in the tags)
#anyway i found their theme song and lost my mind#tragedyshipping#lloyd garmadon#ninjago#antigone#tagamemnon#pollshipping#i'm gonna be thinking about this for the next hour before i go to sleep#i just wanted to make a playlist for them i didn't think i would find a perfect fit#they have taken over many of my braincells and i can't even complain this is the enrichment i needed#all i'm saying is the idea of a movie trailer for these two is taking shape more and more and this should 100% be the accompanying song#not even a full trailer because that would take forever but like. a 30 second TV spot. family drama. them not really getting along at first#(e.g. glaring at each other while being forced to dance or something)#but then warming up to each other on the road because road trips have my soul when it comes to movies ok#i want them to stargaze in the bed of a hotwired pickup truck while on the run from people who demand bloodshed (a poll winner)#the slow(?) burn of not wanting to be in this mess to actually enjoying spending time together to something more#(trailer/commercial ends on or just after “baby you're so classic” with the cut to the title and in theaters date)#maybe most of the tv spot is them arguing and making life hell for one another but it's hard to deny there's something more brewing#(one of the reviews is just ''A modern classic'' because i think i'm funny)#i really want the title to be a play off of them meeting through the tragic tournament but it's completely different from the tone i want#''tragedy: null and void'' is a fun one#i've never been the greatest at titles if they don't hit me like a truck#anyway hi folks i'm sorry if you have no idea what's happening and see this in your tags#willowarts
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why do people think Yevgeny wasn't Mickey's son? in 3x06 there was clearly no condom used (not that Terry probably would have let Svetlana stop to get one), but there's no reason to think she wasn't using condoms with her regular clients. it's not Svetlana's fault that she was a tool used to rape Mickey—the sole blame for everything that happens in that entire situation belongs to Terry Milkovich and him alone—so why does it feel like it's just another way for people to shit on Svetlana for something that wasn't in her control? it's not as though she'd asked to get pregnant in the first place...
#stop giving svetlana shit just because terry was one of her clients—between him and sasha do you really think she had a chance to say no?#her attitude towards mickey is s4 is very easy to understand when you think about the fact that a) she's his age or maybe a year older#b) she is a person who knows she has to take what life gives her and make the best of bad situations#c) her entire future rests (so she thinks) on her and mickey making their marriage work and he was absorbed in ian (which the audience gets#but svet has no context for) and thus her feeling threatened is very understandable because mickey also won't stand up to his father#so yeah of course svet is gonna see terry as the one person who will put things the way they're supposed to be#but! it's after mickey comes out and he and ian fight everyone in the bar that she realizes mickey could be an ally to her#and she extends a hand in friendship because they're both stuck in this situation and yeah of course she wants him to stop being stupid#about yev—as she puts it “baby did not choose this either” which leads me to think she understands mickey's situation a little better now#but yev looks so much like mickey and has those big blue eyes of his (also evidence for baby mickey being blond)#I get that the whole child from rape thing isn't fun for mickey to have to deal with but women have to go through it all the time—like Svet#okay rant over I'm sorry I'm just...it puts a bad taste in my mouth whenever I see it in fic or meta that yev can't *possibly* be mickey's#mickey milkovich#svetlana yevgenivna#yevgeny milkovich#shameless
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just woke up from a baby dream and I'm a sobbing wreck :) anyway Logan Huntzberger doesn't expect much from his future besides monetary success, partying, and a lot lot lot of sex. he definitley doesn't expect to look up one day and realize he's sharing a home, a life with someone. not only that, but he's the one that instigated it. he told you in college he didn't like you being around other guys. he stopped caring about the girls that he would go between, because now he just seems to care about you. everything else falls to the sidelines. so he comes back to his big fancy house after an important business meeting on the golf course, and he sees you there. some old sitcom is marathoning on tv, and you're wrapped up in fluffy blankets, hair up and out of your face. you look so cozy, so comfortable. you keep adjusting the blankets, fussing with them as you hum softly. he walks closer, overcome with a feeling of love and swelling pride and... paternal instinct he's never felt. your son Henry, just a month or two old is bundled on your arms. you look up at Logan and smile so warmly he could cry just from the look on your face when you see him.
"hi," you breathe softly. Henry's settled down, so you don't want to rile him up too much, but he's not all the way asleep.
"hey ace," he breaths, sitting next to you. he wraps you in his arms and kisses you, meeting forgotten as you both admire you baby boy together. you rub his tummy gently, soothingly, and Logan smooths his hair. it's short and fuzzy, and a little prickly. it makes him laugh softly. Henry is wearing the white and blue onesie Honor got for him at the baby shower. he makes a mental note to take some pictures to send her of him wearing it. the soft fabric of his polo shirt and the smell of his cologne mixed with the distinct remnants of golf course air is so comforting. he watches you admire your son, trace the shape of his cute little nose, copy the faces he makes, babble little noises at him. he watches you smooth his hair and help him get comfortable in your arms, watches you place your finger in his hand so he can hold onto it with that surprisingly strong baby death grip. Henry wiggles around, getting comfortable in your arms, and you kiss his forehead again. once you're sure that he's settled, not too warm and not too cold, comfortable and lying safely, you can finally relax. you rest your head on Logan's shoulder, closing your eyes and finally letting yourself relax and rest a little. you take in a big deep breath of his masculine scent, somehow both spicy and refreshing, and sigh. you're content. you're more than content, he realizes. you're happy. Logan... made you happy. he found out what you wanted and built you a life you want, a life he wants. it hits him like a ton of bricks in one overwhelming, amazing moment, and he soaks in the feeling, watching the way your sleeping babys face and yours mirror each other.
#drabbles#logan huntzberger#logan huntzberger x reader#logan huntzberger drabbles#dilf!logan#dilf logan#gilmore girls#gilmore girls x reader#gilmore girls drabbles#domestic bliss#tooth rotting fluff#god help me#henry was his actual name in the dream#i kept waking up in the dream every time he moved or started to fuss#the plot of the rest of the dream was gone once I realized I had a baby#like it was still happening but I didn't care#it hit me so hard#i was like this is real. i actually did it. i have a baby.#his nose and his eyes and his little hands were so real. i could feel him grabbing my hand#i could FEEL the soft felty texture of his onesie#now i'm crying again! hooray!#well either I'll meet the love of my life soon or hunt down some sperm or something cause my baby fever is truely unbearable#i call it baby fever but i think it's just a deep overwhelming desire to be a good parent like how my mom is yk#also i just. want a baby. like... that's allowed#people are allowed to want to have babies#anyway#yeah#i guess i have to distract myself now because i'm gonna be fucked up for the rest of the week! huzzah!#i found pictures on pinterest that look just like him#how do you handle this?????? anyone got any tips for being debilitatingly single and coping with baby dreams???????????
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s2 episode 7 thoughts
hmm. hmm. that is the sound if me pondering what i just watched.
(i understand that this episode was an analysis into mulder's self-destructive behaviors when faced with overwhelming grief, but. that does not mean i enjoyed vampire hookup time)
well. we shall start from the top!
i read that it was an episode about vampires which i thought was a weird narrative choice because. hello. scully still gone??? but then i remembered that i too ignored the main quest in skyrim to hunt some vampires and that i had no place to judge
(granted, my main quest wasn't finding scully though. might have given that a bit more priority than saving the whole world. because she IS my whole world)
we open with a guy that looks like joe biden meeting with an attractive young woman. they're making out in a hot tub and we just know someone is gonna get slurped upon. and woe, it be upon us! double vampire attack.
back in DC, mulder gets his old office back! it's covered in plastic. he takes some of it off. he adjusts his calendar from may to november, so we see how much time he and scully had been assigned to other tasks, which also has me wondering how she managed to get a new house that quick.
(also, this calendar is... scantily clad women posing next to tools such as hammers and saws. was this allowed? was this acceptable? was it normal? were the 90's a lawless wasteland and mulder an irreparable freak?)
well. scully is an x file now, and he puts her glasses and id into an evidence bag and closes the filing cabinet which was sooooo evil. but he can't bring himself to put her necklace away. oh man. oh he's gotta have it in case he finds her. he has to hold her close. i'm Fine this is Fine.
so. he goes out to california to deal with the joe biden looking fellow being murdered. and he is not wanted on the crime scene. we know this because someone greets him by saying "nobody called the bureau" and he says "well, they should have" and lifts up the tape to let himself in. because one thing about him is that he's gonna let himself into a place he isn't wanted.
he sees the writing of a bible verse in blood on the wall and says something about their grasp of biblical knowledge being "feeble and literal" and i was like okayyy need to have a theological discussion with him
he then scares the other guy who originally wanted to kick him out by reciting a LARGE amount of facts related to similar cases and it's very much giving photographic memory. got me thinking, have we ever seen this man forget something? (directions don't count. they're confusing. but everything else sticks in that man's brain)
he just needs one thing: a phone book. which he uses to call a blood bank and ask about a new guy. who must be the vampire who did this!
so he rolls up to the blood bank and i'm over here struggling because i do Not Do Blood, and i knew at this point this was gonna be a tough watch, but i didn't anticipate the non-blood related reasons why this would be true
anyway he's sniffing around the blood bank and he hears some slurping and wouldn't you know, this dude is tearing into a bag of the red stuff like it's a capri sun. somehow he gets him into custody, where the dude refuses to talk because the lights are on, and mulder comes in with a lamp he put a red filter over, because he was prepared for vampire interrogation.
the vampire is going on about how what he did isn't murder because it's not like animals hunting prey is murder which is. not the greatest approach in terms of legal defense. mulder tells the guard that the guy is delusional and it's best to play along, and he believed this to be true... until he, quite literally, burned to a crisp in the sunlight. and died.
he's talking to the coroner and rattling off a bunch of vampire facts and says he didn't believe in vampires which is so funny to me because like. why is that where you draw the line, my friend. not at bigfoot and definitely not at aliens. but man. vampires are just too out there for spooky mulder. until now!
the coroner has a very funny line: "you are really upsetting me... on several levels" which seems to be the general effect fox mulder has on people. and also because i felt the same way about his dumbass actions during this episode.
coroner finds a stamp on the dead body's hand, which seems to come from a nightclub. so naturally our fbi agent ends up there.
you often see posts saying that "(insert character here) should be at the club". i fear that this is not the case for fox mulder, but it's possible that it's his suit and tie that are throwing me off. he just doesn't seem like he belongs there. i ask myself, where should he be instead? perhaps some sort of star wars convention would suit him better. a book signing with some author he likes. idk, an interior decorating festival. not here.
i shall use my verbatim words to walk you through the next scene:
"pause. he's talking to a woman who was looking into a compact without a mirror. so. vampire suspect. and now why are they getting so close together. and getting a drink. okay now they're leaving to a new spot together? AFTER she admits to vampirism"
(here she did some stuff that required me to look away from my screen due to my Weak Constitution. but also it would have felt necessary to look away anyway because it was getting... charged)
she tries to get him to... suck on her finger... but he won't do it because aids. which is fair. i think that's a smart move, actually. it's just that getting flirty with a vampire he knows was involved with a ton of killings was such a stupid move, i don't know why it's now the braincells start to kick in.
that kills the vibe, though, so she gets another guy to take his place and things escalate.
mulder pulls in at a restaurant called ra. nice! the sun god! and he is... through a window, witnessing some more slurping action. he seems to want to intervene and save this poor soul being feasted upon...
but the poor soul is no poor soul at all! he comes out and decks mulder, and delivers this line with stunning conviction: "i don't know who you are, freak, but we're two consenting adults" and with this, he is forced to flee.
and yeah. it made me laugh. my expectations for the genre were subverted. he signed up for that shit! what he did not sign up for, however, was the next part, where he was killed by the other vampires.
cut to investigating the crime scene. mulder has brought along a forensic dentist, which is a job i had no idea you could go into. he needs to see about those bites, which are very human.
next they go to vampire woman's house. it's a very nice place. mulder... opens her oven. and sees a loaf of bread in there. and i'm thinking, man, i hope this doesn't go where i think it's going. baked goods... ovens... i never want a vampire pregnancy arc. but he cracks open the loaf and something red spills out and somehow, this to him means that she is gone and isn't coming back. he can read the signs of the bread. so add that to his resume. what did the bread tell you, my liege?
he seems to have stayed in her house, however, because he's there when she's back, and says he knows she was using the bread as a charm to ward off evil. because apparently that's an eastern european thing, blood bread to warn off evil. sound off if any eastern europeans in the chat wanna confirm or deny.
anyway. he's IN this woman he thinks is a vampire's HOUSE? what the hell. mulder seriously i need you to stop and think. like you should have stopped and done some thinking a while ago. honestly i'm not mad i'm just disappointed. and he's like "i want to save you come with me before they kill you" ohhh big tough man needs to save her huh. make him feel good inside. huh. certainly no ulterior motive here...
she's monologing about her horrible childhood and how sweet blood tastes. um girl. don't lie to him like that. i have busted my lip open before that stuff does NOT taste sweet and dangerous. it's like a penny with rust that you found in a parking lot.
it seems her vampiric origin story, if to be believed, is that things simply got too kinky. which is a new take on the genre.
(it's also about being caught in an abusive relationship and the damage that inflicts, but it seems abusive boyfriend came into vampirism at his kinky parties and things escalated from there. which. well. it blew the eyebrows clean off my head, to be fair)
at this point we see that he is WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE? he says something like "it's from someone i lost" and she says that she "hopes he finds her"
i did not like the undertones here and certainly not the overtones. because i knew where this was going. he was shaving in her bathroom. and let me tell you something: there is only ever a shaving scene in media because the writer needs a way to get some blood out of someone's body and into the real world. and man. i knew it was coming.
but what i didn't see coming was her SHAVING HIM??? girl. i am uncomfy. and she does, of course, cut him, and then they kiss. aggressively. terribly aggressively. can anyone answer what was going on in a satisfactory manner?
but the gag is: the original vampire- who burnt to a crisp in the jail cell, and was the abusive ex she spoke of- HE'S WATCHING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW!
he breaks in and taunts the vampire woman about how he had to "wait for her to finish" and i was like cool. thank you SO much for that mental image i'm super happy with it. i definitely don't feel like i need a shower. but then he's going on about how he can't be killed.
here, at the tail end of the episode, we learn the rules of vampirism in this world: a vampire cannot be killed by a non-vampire. and a non-vampire BECOMES a vampire by consuming the blood of a believer and also taking a life. it is only here we realize that this woman is not an actual vampire yet, she just appropriates their culture by drinking blood unnecessarily.
mulder's still sleeping in her bed and she's like "you need to leave" and she stabs the wall to make her evil ex think she's killing him. but when they go to break out, mulder ties him up quite handily and he gets in the car to escape with vampire woman. until ANOTHER vampire woman jumps on the hood of their car. and main vampire woman knocks her out for a bit by running into her with said car, which is super effective.
mulder's leaving the place in shambles, his shirt still unbuttoned, wandering down the side of the hill. back at the house, now that we know the vampire rules, main vampire woman says she can finally kill the evil vampire ex. and he's like how!! you haven't had the blood of a believer or taken a life. so. she licks the blood off her hands (unclear if it's hers or mulders tbh) and says she'll take her own life. and drops a match after pouring gasoline.
so. that brings that to an end. and shabby looking mulder sits on a hill as he learns all four in the house died.
the episode ends with him playing with scully's necklace. which i don't even sort of feel like unpacking right now but maybe another time.
probably not, though, because i just didn't like this episode. and yeah, a lot of it comes down to me not wanting to see mulder hook up with people who aren't scully. can you blame me? is it so wrong to have preferences in this world?
but also, narrative wise- do you honestly see the guy fucking off to cali while scully's still missing to deal with an unrelated problem instead of devoting every hour of his life to finding her, like we saw him do in the last episode? you expect me to think he just puts it off for a lil while? the guy who, just last episode, pulled his gun on the ski lift operator to get to the top where she might be a little faster, and then choked his one and only suspect out of fury? you're thinking this is the guy that's gonna go soak up some west coast rays?
and yeah, he was obviously not himself through the episode- very cold and analytical- but c'mon. we all want to bang a vampire. he's not special. i just personally wouldn't do that if my friend were gone. like how is that gonna help the situation. be so for real. time and place!
and also the whole only learning the rules of being a vampire about 5 minutes before they need it to be plot relevant. that annoyed me too.
overall, mulder, like i said, i'm not mad, just disappointed.
let me know what you thought on this episode- i try to not be a hater, but i also understand that hating in small doses can be good for the soul. if it's a widely beloathed episode i'll feel better in my judgement as i join a long tradition of haters who have come before me.
#i think i shall choose to ignore this episode going forward#sometimes he is so violently a Man it's shocking.#like the sexy tool calendar? i cannot keep defending him. throwing tomatoes as we speak. they're splattering his shirt.#man if i was missing and i learned my friend hooked up with a vampire to distract from the sorrow i'd be pissed as hell#i'd be all#and how did that help the situation. did it lead you to find me. why weren't you LOOKING for me.#is this vampire more important to you? is she gonna take my place? answer your 3 am calls and stand up for you against workplace bullying?#and you WORE my NECKLACE? the one my MOTHER GAVE ME? as a birthday present when i was 15? when you FUCKED HER?#THE HOLY CROSS MY CATHOLIC MOM GAVE ME? you wore it while i was MIA? inside a VAMPIRE?#oh i would never let that GO! if i were scully i would simply never let him live that down. it would be awkward asf between us for a bit#sighs. maybe i'm too petty. maybe i hold a grudge too deeply. all things that have been said about me before!#scully baby if ur reading this i would NEVER engage in any sort of recreational activity until i found u again okay? don't settle for less#juni's x files liveblog#txf#the x files
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