#i'm gonna [redacted] he's such a fucking [redacted]

[on-a-lucky-tide]

I think I've reached some kind of teaching nirvana.

a) the two roughest girls you have ever met in your life, when asked if there is any teacher and subject they like, saying to a harried assistant head, "yeah, that Mr. [redacted], he's always fair, like, yous can't mug him off, like, he's fair and always respects us even he's mugging us off, like. He has standards."

b) being told by two sets of parents of nerdy, quiet kids at parents evening that they love my lessons and think I'm "cool" because I know so much, and that they can actually learn cause I "don't take any rubbish from the loud ones".

Me, every October: I hate this fucking job I'm gonna fucking resign and become a fucking accountant or analyst because it fucking sucks. Fuck you and you and ALL of you wankers.

Me, by the time we hit summer: They will have to remove my corpse from my classroom at the age of 97, still clutching a board pen and a copy of History Now.

[leashybebes]

snippet saturday

ty for the tag @momotonescreaming 😘

quick preview from the next chapter of allying. context: post the promised 'i can teach you' workout. additional context: evan buckley you fucking idiot, but we knew that anyway

Evan feels that familiar hot prickle of - jealousy, he guesses, although it's a nicer feeling than he usually associates with that particular emotion. Maybe it's that the envy he gets around some guys - cool guys who look stronger than him - is easier to handle when said cool guy is actively trying to help Evan get stronger, maybe it's just that Tommy makes him feel comfortable, maybe it's that his status as Tommy's wingman that makes him feel less like he's the only one with room for growth than he usually does when confronted with a guy he admires and is jealous of in equal measure.

"Can I use your shower?" He asks, instead of saying any of that.

"Sure," Tommy says. "Someone should be doing yoga on the yoga mat, anyway."

"Wait, you do yoga too?" Evan had kind of assumed the mat was for something soft as the base for crunches or push ups or something.

"Sure, for a little while now," Tommy says. "It's really good for flexibility and strength."

Evan thinks about the yoga instructor he spent several happy nights with at a resort in Peru. That makes sense.

"Bathroom's upstairs, second left. Spare towels under the sink," Tommy continues.

"Cool, thanks."

Evan takes the stairs two at a time, thinking about how his yoga instructor - Valeria, he remembers with sudden, happy clarity - could put her legs behind her head. He wonders if Tommy has mastered that pose yet and, if so, whether he's thought to mention it to any of his hookups. If Evan could do that and he was a woman or a gay dude it would totally be front and center on any hookup app profile he ever made.

no pressure tagging for @bidisasterevankinard @ambernotember @setmeatopthepyre and @rcmclachlan if any of you have any goodies to share

[seventh-district]

7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

[twinkthrasher]

The more i think about Asher logically the more icked out i get... I was cooking dinner and i was reminded that this dude is just incapable of cooking?? he's like in his thirties?? and we MARRIED him?? god bless his heart...

[queerpyracy]

experiencing the part of writing something long where i'm like how am i not finished already i have sunk so many hours into this beast what do you mean i still have several thousand words ahead of me

[supercantaloupe]

why must it be that the one roommate who handles the official city shit for my apartment (utilities, parking permits, etc) be the absolute worst at responding to my messages

[intertexts]

=_=

[witheredgardenparty]

I will never forgive a single one of you

[silverselfshippingchaos]

happy summer vacation :D

[lemongrablothbrok]

Alright, listen here, Robert, you lying slut. You make one more assumption about me based on my fat ass thighs, and I will personally crush your head between them. Gently, though. I want you to still be able to...you know...do certain things...while I've got you down there.

Actually...now that I think of it, please do go on about my colossal gams...tell me what a bad bad thunder thighed girl I am...you delicious little lemon tart...

I don’t know, but I been told—a big legged woman ain’t got no soul

My serotonin boost ☺️

[mirrorball-leclerc]

track five - birds of a feather, we should stick together

series masterlist

SUMMER BREAK 2023

ines_alonso, charles_leclerc, and oscarpiastri posted new stories

what is genuinely wrong with this man?? why is she standing in the middle of the road?? to take a selfie?? surprise shawty!!

maxverstappen1 replied to your story

maxverstappen1 how much time do you have?? ines_alonso GO TO THERAPY!! maxverstappen1 i'll go when you do ines_alonso that's not fair. you have deeper trauma than me. maxverstappen1 bitch please

alex_albon replied to your story

alex_albon this is such a charles thing to do ines_alonso it was oscar actually alex_albon no freaking way oscar did that ines_alonso oh boy oscar has all of you fooled into thinking he's normal.

francesca.cgomes replied to your story

francesca.cgomes you wouldn't understand the need for perfect lighting, you're a man charles_leclerc in the middle of a road?? francesca.cgomes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do leclerc charles_leclerc you're right, i'm so sorry

logansargeant replied to your story

logansargeant mate, what is that picture of charles? oscarpiastri he pissed me off so i took a horrible picture of him logansargeant what the hell did he do to you? oscarpiastri he called my car ugly piece of metal, after i jokingly said i wouldn't be caught dead in a ferrari logansargeant i will never understand how your relationship works oscarpiastri charles and i like to squabble for shits and giggles. inés hates it.

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ines_alonso we're gonna have fun in sun ☀️🎶

tagged: alex_albon, lilymhe

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maxverstappen1 i was unaware we were doing a couples holiday?? where's my invite??

alex_albon lost in the post i guess ines_alonso this was 100% an accident maxverstappen1 traitors, both of you

lilymhe let's run away together and leave the boyfriends behind?

ines_alonso deal, when and where? alex_albon oh i bet [redacted] just let out an unholy screech ines_alonso can confirm that is what just happened. he is now pouting on the couch.

user01 are those, high school musical lyrics?

user02 how the fuck did you recognize that? it's the most generic ass caption. user01 i had a huge crush on vanessa hudgens, i still do, so i naturally watched hsm so many times. user03 THOSE ARE HSM LYRICS!! I WOULD RECOGNIZE THEM ANYWHERE!!

alex_albon i see we're not including the picture where [redacted] almost drowned you

fernandoalo_oficial sorry what? ines_alonso he's being dramatic. alex pushed me off the boat and [redacted] helped me up fernandoalo_oficial i know where you live alexander alex_albon you don't? fernandoalo_oficial that's what i want you to think alex_albon i'm actually scared now

charles_leclerc you look angry in that second picture

ines_alonso some girl was flirting with my boyfriend charles_leclerc understandable, have a good day user03 charles said, not my problem user04 well, if the rumors are true, then i want to know was someone flirting with oscar or charles?? user05 probably charles user03 put some respect on my man oscar ❤ liked by arthur_leclerc user04 arthur leclerc, head of the oscar piastri defense club

francesca.cgomes did you guys play mermaids??

ines_alonso you know it but someone (alex) was being a party pooper and didn't want to play logansargeant common alex albon L alex_albon uncalled for logan francesca.cgomes i would play mermaids with you inés ines_alonso marry me 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏻💍

sebastianvettel it was nice seeing you inés!

ines_alonso please come back to the grid. we miss you. we need you. sebastianvettel i quite like retirement ines_alonso so did my dad and then he came back

patriciooward wow and no visit??

ines_alonso you literally told me, 'i don't want to see you' patriciooward lies. slander. dishonor on you! dishonor on your cow! ines_alonoso i'm telling rossi! patriciooward I'M TELLING ROSSI!

user06 inés being friends with a bunch of people in different careers will never not be funny to me.

user07 girl is out here collecting friends in different careers like infinity stones user06 it's more like pokémon no? there's only six infinity stones user07 see now that you say that pokémon makes more sense

user08 papaya orange and ferrari red nails?? she's dating charles and oscar confirmed.

user09 nurse, she's out again but also i aspire to be this delusional user08 you'll see that i was right when the confirm it themselves.

oscarpiastri why does it look like you were in four different countries already??

ines_alonso i was only in three oscar! just because your ass is a homebody and prefers to be in australia doesn't mean the rest of us do?? oscarpiastri i was literally in monaco?? bumped into charles and everything maxverstappen1 ahh the proper monaco experience, bumping into prince charles at least once charles_leclerc okay so fuck you max. maxverstappen1 name a time and place baby 😘 kellypiquet 🤨🤨 ines_alonso 🤨🤨 oscarpiastri 🤨🤨 arthur_leclerc 🤨🤨 alex_albon 🤨🤨 fernandoalo_oficial 🤨🤨 danielricciardo 🤨🤨 patriciooward 🤨🤨 f1 🤨🤨 logansargeant 🤨🤨 redbullracing 🤨🤨 lewishamilton 🤨🤨 lorenzotl 🤨🤨 jensonbutton 🤨🤨 scuderiaferrari 🤨🤨 pierregasly 🤨🤨 instagram 🤨🤨 puma 🤨🤨 maxverstappen1 man you guys know what i meant ines_alonso happy pride month i guess 🏳️‍🌈 alex_albon BE WHOOO YOOOOUUU ARRREEE!!! danielricciardo it's okay we support! ALLY!!! maxverstappen1 the three of you can go fuck yourselves

user10 max is never beating the gay allegations after this

user11 this plus the grindr thing, i fear the closet is made of glass user12 to be fair, max does nothing to help the allegations

3 HOURS LATER

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel, aussiegrit and others

ines_alonso i wanna be your endgame 🩷

tagged: charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri, taylorswift

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📍 ines_alonso the alternate caption was betty, james, and august if they got their heads out of their ass and dated each other but oscar said that would send people into a coma

user13 THAT'S WHAT WOULD SEND US INTO A COMA?? NOT EVERYTHING ELSE??

user14 girl, not you tagging taylor swift. (also was that for speak now (tv)?)

ines_alonso taylor has to know that i am committed to her and the agony her albums bring me, even when i'm in a relationship (yes it was. nothing better than crying to dear john)

logansargeant IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!! I WAS GOING TO LOSE IT IF YOU DIDN'T ANNOUNCE IT SOON!!

oscarpiastri you're being dramatic logansargeant i'm going to enter a secret relationship and force you to keep it a secret and see how long it takes for you to crack

user15 THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME IS WAS OSCAR AND CHARLES!!

user16 I TOLD YOU GUYS BUT NOOO YOU ALL CALLED ME CRAZY. I EXPECT AN APOLOGY WITH TEARS!! user15 NOT THE FUCKING TIME ANNIE!! user16 IT'S ALWAYS THE RIGHT TIME TO RUB IT IN EVERYONE'S FACES THAT I WAS RIGHT!!

pierregasly THE GROUP CHAT IS FREED FROM THE SHACKLES!!

charles_leclerc calm down calmar, no need to be so dramatic pierregasly DRAMATIC? I KEPT THIS SECRET FOR 2 YEARS CHARLES! 2 YEARS!

alex_albon oh thank god. i can breath again

ines_alonso you're exaggerating albono alex_albon i am not exaggerating, i couldn't handle keeping this a secret any longer.

taylorswift i think the alternate caption would've been much better 😉

ines_alonso holy shit- i died, dead, deceased. rip me. please marry my dad taylorswift tell him to show me the ring first 😂😂 ines_alonso oh my god fernandoalo_oficial you heard the lady!! fernandoalo_oficial please don't feed into her delusions. dumb and dumber do enough of that already charles_leclerc if the lady wants to play mermaids in the middle of the ocean, then we'll play mermaids fernando oscarpiastri yeah fernando, if she wants to play mermaids we'll play mermaids taylorswift oh this adorable

oscarpiastri have i told you that i love you lately?

charles_leclerc funny because this morning you called us 'pain in my ass' oscarpiastri no, i called you that because you set fernando's kitchen on fire again! ines_alonso i love you oscaroo!! charles_leclerc hey!! what about me?? ines_alonso love you charlie

user17 i don't know what's funnier the argument in the comments between oscar, charles, and inés or charles being a pyromaniac when it comes to fernando's kitchen

user18 charles should be banned from the kitchen oscarpiastri we have banned him but he still tries to cook charles_leclerc sebastian would never treat me like this danielricciardo no, he'd treat you worse. that man is controlling in the kitchen and you know it.

scuderiaferrari ❤️🩷🧡

louieee oh baby girl i'm so happy for you and your boys. so glad the three of you finally decided to do this.

ines_alonso thanks for helping max convince me to go on that date 🩷 louieee anything to see that beautiful smile back on your face 🩷

scuderiaferrari admin is definitely shocked and did not catch inés and oscar sneaking into charles' drivers room in australia...last year

mclaren admin over here is also shocked and did not catch charles and inés sneaking out of oscar's drivers room in miami this year... ines_alonso shout out to the best admins ever astonmartinf1 so guess who lied, like a liar ines_alonso no! i swear it's not what it looks like!! astonmartinf1 heart 💔 been 💔 broke 💔 so 💔 many 💔 times 💔

mclaren we call dibs for the next race weekend!!

scuderiaferrari um no 🤓☝️ you guys had her last weekend? astonmartinf1 um actually she's going to be in our garage look what happened last time she was with mclaren scuderiaferrari that was not our fault mclaren according to the footage it was redbullracing maybe she should be in our garage instead scuderiaferrari forget you man mclaren over our dead body astonmartinf1 that can be arranged 😃

patriciooward i would like everyone to know that i have known since the start!!

user19 and when was that pato? patricooward since 2021 user19 2021? I THOUGHT THESE BITCHES STARTED DATING IN 2022?? patriciooward i fear this is common knowledge? user19 TO WHO PATRICIO? TO FUCKING WHO?

user20 oh the mclaren and ferrari teddies. i could die, they're so adorable.

ines_alonso they gave them to me after oscar's mclaren announcement because and i quote, 'you need to have us with you at night when we're not here.' user20 oh that's so fucking cute ines_alonso this was also before they found out i would be working for sky sports

maxverstappen1 glad you're finally happy inés. you deserve happiness 🩷

ines_alonso we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you forcing me to go on that date 🩷 so thanks for that maxie!! charles_leclerc yes, thank you for that max oscarpiastri have i told you how much i like you? as a friend, that is. NO ONE START RUMORS!! maxverstappen1 as if i would ever date you oscarpiastri excuse you, i'm a fucking catch charles_leclerc not that you would ever need to know because that's my boyfriend not yours ines_alonso correction leclerc, *our boyfriend

liked by lewishamilton, sebastianvettel, pierregasly and others

charles_leclerc mon soleil et ma lune ❤️ [my sun and my moon]

tagged: ines_alonso, oscarpiastri, patriciooward

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oscarpiastri i see who the favorite in this relationship is..

charles_leclerc she doesn't scream at me when i set the kitchen on fire. you do. oscarpiastri IT WAS 3 IN THE MORNING CHARLES! charles_leclerc even during the day you yell at me! oscarpiastri i'm sorry i don't want our apartment to burn down

arthur_leclerc i want everyone to know that i have caught oscar several times wearing the sally shirt

oscarpiastri sometimes inés forces charles to wear the mater shirt so she gets to wear the lightning mcqueen shirt logansargeant it's true, i've seen it happen. ines_alonso i just want to say kachow!

sebastianvettel so you didn't hate them?

charles_leclerc we agreed to never talk about that again sebastian. ines_alonso no this sounds like a conversation we should be having oscarpiastri i agree, tell us everything sebastian. sebastianvettel oh you two should know what i'm talking about charles_leclerc STOP! PLEASE STOP!

user21 their conversations seem to be so fucking unhinged and i love that

user22 honestly the three of them are so fucking unhinged user21 they're so fucking iconic, i love this for them

patriciooward so that's a no on being your fourth?

oscarpiastri according to charles he will only "tolerate one man in obnoxious orange" patriciooward it's papaya? charles_leclerc it's a shade of orange patricio. patriciooward papaya is not orange charles. it's papaya. papaya is it's own thing.

user23 charles breaking his theme for those two? oh he in love love

user24 never thought i would live to see the day but i love it user23 charles has an emotional attachment to that theme, so this is a surprise

scuderiaferrari congratulations to the happy couple!

mclaren they're not married 💀 scuderiaferrari they could be and we wouldn't even know it. astonmartinf1 speak for yourselves, we would definitely know, fernando would never shut up about it.

user25 HIS SUN AND HIS MOON? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

user26 THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LECLERC?! user25 BESTIE THE TRANSLATION IS RIGHT THERE!! user26 MY FAT FINGERS CAN'T TOUCH THE TRANSLATION BUTTON!!

maxverstappen1 i know for a fact she's holding a red bull can in that photo

charles_leclerc i will NOT be posting red bull propaganda on my page georgerussell63 WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT YOU THAT WORD? oscapiastri i wonder who could've possible done that alex_albon why the fuck are you teaching him the word propaganda in the first place?! oscarpiastri all i said was that the hatred a specific family was spewing was propaganda against him and the word stuck maxverstappen1 sometimes having you around is good

carlossainz55 what the fuck? what the fuck is this?

charles_leclerc so that is who i forgot to block... maxverstappen1 YOU STILL FOLLOW HIM BUT YOU WON'T FOLLOW ME BACK? charles_leclerc YOU FUCKING CHEATED THAT'S WHY! maxverstappen1 HE CHEATED ON HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND! IF ANYONE IS THE CHEATER IT'S HIM! alex_albon CLOCK HIM MAX! louieee oh max emilian verstappen, you make me so fucking proud sometimes.

oscarpiastri this man is acting as if he didn't purposefully tell us to hard launch because he wanted to piss someone off

ines_alonso right, as if he wasn’t losing his shit earlier charles_leclerc is this what my life is now? you two roasting all the time? alex_albon mate, they do this to you in private all the time already logansargeant the group chat has seen some shit man fernandoalo_oficial she call you and oscar bald headed demons user27 yo, what the fuck goes on in their group chat?

liked by logansargeant, charles_leclerc, ines_alonso and others

oscarpiastri one of us has set fernando, jenson, sebastian, and lewis' kitchens on fire, but i won't tell you who🧡 hint: it's the one who gets offended when you call him french

tagged: ines_alonso, charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc

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arthur_leclerc why am i always getting dragged into shit?

maxverstappen1 because dumb, dumber, and dumbest have two people each they always drag into shit alex_albon this shit isn't funny anymore. i've been suffering with max for ages it should be louie suffering not me. pierregasly free us! logansargeant you two try being in the junior categories with dumb and dumber as they fail to flirt fredrickvestiofficial never been so happy to not have an f1 seat louieee i think you mean, they have two drivers they drag into shit because i don't go through half the shit you guys do. just ask alex how much he suffers in my place ines_alonso honestly fuck you guys

aussiegrit congrats on going public, even if it took you months to tell me.

oscarpiastri it was over a year and a half actually. aussiegrit i take back my congratulations oscarpiastri sebastian wouldn't treat me like this aussiegrit disowned. sebastianvettel welcome to the family oscar aussiegrit go away, who invited you?

user27 not oscar choosing an old picture of him and inés to one up charles

user28 we were in the trenches hoping they would end up together since 2017 user27 real and now they're together with charles.

jensonbutton charles is no longer allowed back in my home

charles_leclerc i was just there 2 weeks ago? lewishamilton more like you're no longer allowed in our kitchens except for fernando's, burn that down if you wish. fernandoalo_oficial this is why you lost 2021 lewishamilton this is why i beat you in 2007 fernandoalo_oficial WE WERE EQUAL IN POINTS! lewishamilton I STILL GOT 2ND PLACE OVER YOU!!

user29 the chaos these three bring to the world of f1 is unmatched

user30 no cause what the fuck do you mean mark ended up with fernando and seb in another universe? user31 this is my favorite f1 inside joke ever

nicolepiastri is this why you said he was never allowed to cook in the house?

charles_leclerc HE TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T LIKE ANYONE IN YOUR KITCHEN?! oscarpiastri i'd like my family to live, thank you very much charles_leclerc you're a liar piastri nicolepiastri every time, every single time ines_alonso imagine what it's like living with them.

user32 all i see is barbie and her kens

ines_alonso I TOLD THEM I WAS BARBIE! alex_albon to be fair, they said you were racer barbie maxverstappen1 then you proceeded to argue over what racing series racer barbie would be in. pierregasly and you called them bald headed demons, again logansargeant all in our group chat while fernando and daniel squabbled over multi-21 for some reason user32 i think i just shit myself...

hattiepiastri the best part about oscar and charles is their girlfriend

ines_alonso best part about oscar is his sisters and mom 🩷 arthur_leclerc and for charles it's his brothers right? ines_alonso no, it's your mom?? arthur_leclerc mommy issues alonso over here fernandoalo_oficial i know where you live leclerc arthur_leclerc nevermind, i take it back. ines_alonso according to charlie i don't have mommy or daddy issues, i have family issues fernandoalo_oficial i know where he lives too. charles_leclerc she was being self-deprecating! YOU SAID THAT WAS ALLOWED! fernandoalo_oficial i will let it slide, this time.

nicolepiastri finally someone who can help you do your laundry

lorenzotl charles dyed all of their white laundry red. fernandoalo_oficial inés caught the washing machine on fire by not clearing out the lint compartment nicolepiastri god help them

user33 i want to know how often charles and inés are causing oscar headaches

oscarpiastri so often that i've lost count. user33 oh it's that bad? ines_alonso he's a bitchass liar is what he is. i've never caused him problems in my life. that is a lie. charles_leclerc i accidently cause problems. it's not on purpose. oscarpiastri inés nearly fell off the balcony trying to grab one of our cats and charles fell down three flights of stairs, more than 5 times already. user33 holy shit, someone get those two hazard pay or something.

lorenzotl maman wants to know if you three are coming over for dinner?

charles_leclerc this couldn't have been a text? lorenzotl oh i tried, someone (you) kept ignoring me so i came here. ines_alonso i would never do this to you lorenzo oscarpiastri i wouldn't either lorenzo charles_leclerc STOP FLIRTING WITH MY BROTHER! ines_alonso have you seen him?? oscarpiastri i do what i want

user34 with every comment i find out more and more about these three

user35 ines and oscar flirting with lorenzo makes so much sense though user36 i've seen enough, netflix get them their own series. forget dts

landonorris what the hell? is this a joke?

oscarpiastri my relationship is very much not a joke lando. despite what max says maxverstappen1 it was one fucking time oscar, let it fucking go. oscarpiastri no ❤️ logansargeant this is why people think max is a part of your relationship. jensonbutton he's not? oscarpiastri jenson i swear to god- user37 the world could not handle the combined powers of lestappen as a couple ❤ by charles_leclerc and maxverstappen1 ines_alonso WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LIKING THAT SHIT? maxverstappen1 drama.

ZANDVOORT 2023

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ines_alonso they're fine, charles is just dramatic.

tagged: charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri

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charles_leclerc i am not dramatic

oscarpiastri you lost it over a pair of socks 2 weeks ago. charles_leclerc they're my favorite socks! ines_alonso they look like all your other socks?? charles_leclerc i know which ones are my favorites, thank you very much. oscarpiastri you're so weird sometimes

maxverstappen1 who the fuck did you grab lunch with? cause that sure as hell isn't me or alex??

ines_alonso i have other friends?? alex_albon that's a funny joke. never joke again. maxverstappen1 you actually don't?? ines_alonso i do. alex_albon what are you cooking baby alonso?? ines_alonso cooking up a diabolical plan to get rid of the sf-23 charles_leclerc for legal reasons this is a joke ines_alonso no it isn't

mclaren please tell charles to not tweet a hate tweet about oscar. we need a break over here.

scuderiaferrari don't worry bestie, we got him on lockdown astonmartinf1 free my boy he ain't do nothing wrong

user38 gay (affectionate)

user39 so true bestie, but this doesn't explain the way charles looks at max?? ines_alonso please don't bring it up. it's a sore subject. maxverstappen1 you're just salty because your man likes me more than you oscarpiastri i am not above throttling a dutch fucker verstappen user40 oscar piastri, i'm sorry, i was not aware of your game

user41 OSCAR PIASTRI CALLED MAX A DUTCH FUCKER??

user42 this man is so chaotic. it's always the quiet ones... user43 he's so unhinged. i love him

landonorris wait, so this wasn't a joke??

alex_albon and the award for never being able to read the room goes too... landonorris CARLOS SAID IT WAS A JOKE?? charles_leclerc do you want to see me shove my tongue down oscar's throat?? will you believe it then?? louieee carlos also said he would never cheat on isa and yet here we are?? landonorris who the fuck invited you?? louieee myself, you winless bitch fernandoalo_oficial as the children say, GAGGED HIM!!

user44 the year is 2054 and people are looking back at how f1 world champions charles leclerc and oscar piastri (it's going to happen, trust me) threatened to shove their tongues down each other's throat...

user45 OKAY!! charles threatened to shove HIS tongue down oscar's throat. not oscar. user44 same difference

MONZA 2023

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ines_alonso no one tells you how hard being a double wag is

tagged: charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri

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lilymhe just be my wag? you never have to struggle with rosso corsa and papaya ever again.

ines_alonso you're so right oscarpiastri back 🤺 off charles_leclerc i am not gods strongest soldier

user45 girl are you forgetting the aston martin of it all??

user46 aston martin daughter, red bull/williams bestie, ferrari/mclaren girlfriend. inés pick a struggle user47 i wish i had that struggle

charles_leclerc how dare you wear his number but not mine?? dishonorable!

georgerussell63 yeah inés, how could you? where is your honor? alex_albon and no mention of her father?? who won monza in 2010?? no honor! maxverstappen1 how could you do this inés?? danielricciardo people these days have no honor ines_alonso oh shut up, you people are dramatic.

patriciooward maybe you should just come to an indycar race. no struggles there.

charles_leclerc she is one comment away from dumping us. please stop patricio. oscarpiastri they only papaya she'll wear is in support of mclaren not arrow mclaren. ines_alonso it's truly a shame the indy 500 falls on the weekend of the monaco grand prix patriciooward a shame really

user48 i think inés and pato live for terrorizing charles and oscar.

user49 the only man charles and oscar seem to be insecure about is patricio o'ward. and honestly, i get it. louieee right?! where do i find a man like that?? user48 louie is the realest person in these comments honestly.

francesca.cgomes ditch the men and become my wag instead.

ines_alonso done. when do i start? oscarpiastri charles might actually get a heart attack if you keep joking about this arthur_leclerc no one ever died of a heart attack charles_leclerc are you serious right now?

user50 i live for the domestics in the comments between oscar, charles, and inés

user51 truly the highlight of my week when they do that

pierregasly i would appreciate it if you would stop flirting with my girlfriend?? she should only be giggling and kicking her feet over me.

ines_alsonso it's not my fault i'm a better flirter than you?? francesca.cgomes she just gets me charles_leclerc gonna go jump off a bridge brb (jokes) user52 had to clarify before pr got on his ass and the sainz family threw a party

user53 no one tells you how hard it is being a double wag because it's never been done before

user54 she may no longer be on the paddock as a driver but she will slay regardless user55 ones thing about inés alonso is that she will ALWAYS slay!!!

¡taglist!

@minmira95 // @lesliiieeeee // @vroomvroommuppett // @prongsvault // @justtprachisblog // @scuderiadevils // @cataf1 // @chezmardybum // @formulaal // @lilsiz // @norstappenvibes // @ironspdy // @nikfigueiredo @hinamesgigantica // @niniluvsainz // @matchaverse // @fakeikeastore // @theseus-jpg // @six-call // @81folklore // @emppusofi // @luvsforme // @nichmeddar // @loloekie // @luvpedro // @donttouchthegnote // @nothaqks // @inferiusreggie // @mochimommy2002 // @rach3164 // @clove08 // @clove0 // @lillysbigwilly // @jenxjar // @blupblupfish // @thereadinggremlin05 // @meowiarty // @magical-spit // @camdensreg // @laneyspaulding19 // @ocyeanicc // @yelenasloverrrrr // @percervall // @blushmimi // @spilled-coffee-cup // @michelleyw81 // @greantii // @ietss // @yeanoskrrt //

¡not taggable!

@ashlovestoread1411 // @books-thingys-andstuff // @nothanqks // @ale-522 // @aandreea_2005 // @Katness1 // @mgmoore // @Scott-McCall-could-lift-mjolnir // @xxx-betty // @ririyulife // @landonorizzz // @moldyshorts1997 // @itstimeforutogo // @yar16 // @em-andemm // @killjoycra // @◇Heart- Trees◇ //

¡leclerc-s speaks!

charles leclerc is a menace, pass it on. i live for charles being a disaster in the kitchen for this fic. it's the funniest running joke in this fic. what me adding side plots for funsies??? why i would never…(i couldn’t help myself) (this also came out way later than i planned)

¡disclaimer!

this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[constantmourning]

On The Run

[Dracule Mihawk x Fem!Reader]

Summary: Mihawk tells you the exact opposite of what you want to hear, leaving you to do the only thing you know how: run. Fortunately for you, he finds you.

WARNINGS: 18+! MINORS DNI! Oral (fem and male receiving), unprotected sex, pulling out, harassment (not from Mihawk), p in v, not beta read, nothing too crazy (let me know if I forgot something though!! I will fix it!)

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: My first time writing mihawk, please be kind to me sdfbsdf. I constantly get carried away oof. Nothing is explicitly stated about reader's abilities but it is hinted at that reader is Very Stealthy. Do with that what you will :) Anyway, Buggy may have me by the [REDACTED], but Mihawk got me by the throat right now. Let's get into it!

You sat at the bar, eyes rolled in the back of your head as a man tried to talk to you. You sipped your water and stared ahead as he spoke to you. You were drowning him out rather nicely, you thought. You nodded along to whatever he was saying, hoping he'd eventually get too drunk to function and leave you alone.

"So," the man's hand hit your thigh, a sharp slap sound echoing around the nearby vicinity. Your head snapped towards him. "What do you say we leave-"

"No!" You didn't even let him finish. Your hand grabbed his wrist and you shoved him back. He did not like that reaction.

"You bitch!" His voice rose, catching the attention of everyone nearby. "You've been flirting with me-"

"By smiling at you? One time?" You matched his energy. "I'm gonna ask you nicely only one time, which you don't even fucking deserve, to leave me alone."

"Do not fucking interrupt me!" He yelled, standing from the bar. You almost flinched back. He was drunk, but he was still functioning, a little too well actually. "No respect, just like most women-"

"Shut the fuck up!" You snapped back at him. "Drink your beer and shut up!"

Within in an instant his hand was raised, "Stupid cu-"

His hand was snatched back, causing his entire body to fall back. Your eyes snapped to the pale hand holding his wrist and they followed who the hand belonged to and you saw Mihawk.  Your blood boiled a little more. Mihawk's eyes were on the man, not even paying you any attention. Yet.

The drunk looked back and his eyes widened. He tried to snatch away from Mihawk but it was futile. You stood up and turned away. You walked off from the scene and felt your breath hitch. It had been a week since you had seen or spoken with Mihawk. Which wasn't that long, really, but the foot you left off on was not a good one. You heard the guy hit the ground but you ignored it and kept walking.

"You're going to run from me again?" Mihawk was behind you rather quickly.

Your nose scrunched and you tensed. You kept walking. And so did he. He kept a couple steps behind you. The only thing playing in your head now was your last conversation with the swordsman, and how horribly sad it had left you.

You approached Mihawk with intense anxiety. You were fidgeting and trying to focus on what was on your mind and all of the possible outcomes of addressing those things. Mihawk, without looking up from whatever it was he was busy doing, asked what was wrong.

You froze. "Um, actually, this is kinda important." Mihawk nodded, still not looking at you. "It requires your full attention." You bit your lip, pulling at it.

Mihawk sighed and looked up at you. "Go ahead."

"Look," you inhaled deeply and closed your eyes. You exhaled loudly and opened them back up. Mihawk stared at you, causing your stomach to jump into your throat. "Mihawk, I don't want this to ruin our, uh, whatever we got going on. I think we are great partners! But I can't not say this."

Mihawk's brow arched and he pushed the papers in front of him away. He was intrigued to say the least.

"I like you. A lot. And I don't want these feelings or thoughts to get in the way of our working together thing-" Mihawk watched you closely. Silently. The way his eyes bored into yours caused you to pause. "Please say something."

"We would never work."

Your heart stopped. You were sure of it. You felt like you had been knocked down and kicked. Repeatedly. "What?"

"This is strictly business." His expression was unchanging.

"It doesn't have to be." You tried to keep tears from forming. Mihawk stared. Your stomach knotted. "Okay. Maybe it does." You took a step back from Mihawk. He was still silent. You turned and hurried out of the room.

"Where are you-"

"I need to think."

You hadn't meant to get so emotional. Sadness filled you though. Tears began to fall as you swiftly left. He wouldn't have to worry about your feelings or it not working out. You wouldn't have to either.

You continued to walk, Mihawk did not stop following you. Your fists balled and you stopped turning towards Mihawk, who stopped right in front of you. "Come to rub salt in my wound?"

"No." Mihawk's words were blunt. "You've been gone a week-"

"I've just been thinking." Mihawk inhaled sharply. Maybe you did have a problem with interrupting… "What made you come after me? It has been a week after all."

"I started looking for you the night you left. You seem to be impossibly hard to get a hold of."

"Oh." You were baffled. "Why?" You grew defensive again. "Because you couldn't stand-" Mihawk rolled his eyes. "Did you just- Mihawk! I'm being serious. You were so- so fucking inconsiderate of my feelings! It took a lot of courage for me to even tell you that and you just shot me all the way down!"

"I wouldn't say all the way-"

You wanted to rip your hair out. You let out a loud groan and turned away from Mihawk again. You began to walk a little faster than earlier and headed towards your room. Your breath hitched and you grew angry. Mihawk began to walk again as well, still on your tail. You wanted to scream.

"Go away." You hissed, venom absolutely dripping from your voice. When the footsteps did not stop or go in another direction you spun around again. "I'm fine. I'm safe. You know this now, you can leave. I'm not going back with you!"

"I didn't come here just to collect you. Or see if you are okay." Mihawk watched you, his stare becoming more intense. "We need to talk."

"Talk about how much you think we would never work?"  You snapped at him and crossed your arms.

"Where are you staying?"

"In a room here." You motioned around you. "I was going there until you stopped me."

"Don't stop on my behalf." Mihawk motioned for you to walk. "I think it'd be best if we spoke in private."

With narrowed eyes you watched him. You groaned, turned around, and motioned for him to follow you. The walk to your room was silent. Silent and awkward. The few people you did pass were confused by the greatest swordsman trailing behind you. They looked at your exasperated expression and then to the man following you. Their eyes were wide and you ignored them.

You made it to your room and unlocked the door. You walked in, threw your arm out for Mihawk to come in too, and you closed the door. You locked it, out of habit, and you noticed Mihawk raise a brow at you.

“Shut up.” You murmured.

“I didn’t say anything.” Mihawk seemed taken aback by your attitude.

“Yet.” You sighed, rolling your eyes. You leaned against the door. “What did you want to say? So that we can get it over with and you’re able to go on your way?”

“I’m not leaving without you,” Mihawk took a step closer to you. You were about to protest. “I never said I wasn’t here to collect you. I said that wasn’t the only thing I was here for.” Your eyes widened. Mihawk continued, “I’ve had time to think as well, since you were gone for a week. I care for you-”

You wanted so badly to interrupt, but you decided it would be best to bite your tongue and listen. But that didn’t stop your brain from worrying about what he was about to say. If it was anything along the lines of ‘but we are still strictly business’ he was going to have to drag you back kicking and screaming.

“-and, maybe this doesn’t have to be strictly business.”

Mihawk’s words caught you so off guard you could not respond. You swallowed hard and looked at him with wide eyes. You were some small, wild animal staring at its predator. Your heart thumped into your ribcage. You were baffled.

“Hm?” Mihawk took another step closer, “This is your response?”

“Uh,” You rubbed the back of your neck before dropping your hand back to your side, “yes?” You pressed your back flat against the door. “Honestly? I didn’t think I’d get this far…” The smile that pulled at Mihawk’s lips caused your heart to flutter. “What?”

“For someone so calculated, you are reckless with your actions.”

“What?!” You gasped. “What does that mean?”

“You confessed your feelings, ran when you thought I did not reciprocate them, and now you’re saying you don’t know what to do knowing I feel the same.”

Your palms hit the door as you realized you could not possibly back up anymore. You wanted to run again. Unlock the door and sprint away. But, you decide it'd be best to actually calculate your next action. Since that is what you did after all, according to your all knowing friend Mihawk. You inhaled slowly through your nose and nodded.

"Okay… I'm not running now. Is that all you wanted to say? We can go back-" You stopped when Mihawk stepped closer to you. Your brows furrowed and your breath hitched when you realized just how close he was. "What?" Your voice was a whisper.

"Do you want to head back?" The way he asked it caught you off guard.

"I mean-" You were frozen, thinking about literally everything you two could be doing instead of going back, "What else is there to do?"

That smirk… His smirk caused your stomach to flip and you were sure your knees buckled. He took one final step towards you, and his face was inches from yours. "If you can't think of anything we can leave."

Your brain turned off, almost instantly. You began to move without thinking. You cupped Mihawk's face, pulled him to you and kissed him, harshly. Before Mihawk could kiss back you were pulling away. That was until he grabbed your hips and pulled you back to him. His head dipped down and his lips met yours again. The both of you were ravenous, kissing each other with reckless abandon.

You were pressed against the door, your arms snaking around Mihawk's neck. He pushed one of his legs in-between both of yours and pushed you up. You gasped and Mihawk slipped his tongue into your mouth. You moaned as Mihawk gripped your ass. Your hips rolled into his and he groaned.

You smiled and Mihawk pulled away from you. You frowned at him. "Are you sure you are okay with this?"

You cocked your head, "Are you having second thoughts? Mihawk… I want this- you. I need you."

"Perfect," Mihawk easily grabbed you and wrapped your legs around his waist, "because I've wanted to absolutely ruin you this past week." He easily lifted you and carried you to the bed. You were tossed onto the bed and Mihawk looked down at you. "You will never want to be with any other man once I'm done with you."

You believed him. If he gave you just half of the attention he gave his work you were sure you would never want to be with anyone else afterwards. You were more excited than ever.

You ended up on your knees, staring up at Mihawk. You looked at him through your lashes as your hands grabbed his belt. You undid it slowly and waited for his okay to go any further. One of his hands locked on to your hair and he gave a gentle tug. You pulled at the waistband of his pants and they dropped. You were quick to move to his cock. Your hand wrapped around it and you brought your lips to the head.

"You are perfect," Mihawk sighed out. His fingers laced through your hair.

You took all of him in your mouth. As he hit the back of your throat you let out a small groan and Mihawk grunted. He tensed, your hair getting caught in his balled fist. Mihawk's hips jutted forward, pushing his cock down your throat. You gagged on him. Mihawk spoke praises as you sucked his dick.

"So good," he moaned, his voice raspy, "taking me so well."

Tears pricked your eyes and you looked up at Mihawk. He was staring down at you with those intense eyes. Your mouth slid off of his cock and your hand began pumping it.

"Touch yourself." Mihawk gasped out. Your brow cocked. "With your free hand, touch yourself."

You nodded. You slid your hand inside of your panties and slipped Mihawk's dick back into your mouth. Your fingers ghosted over your clit and pushed past your folds. You were already soaked. You pushed two fingers in and moaned as his cock hit the back of your throat again. Mihawk's hips bucked, ever so slightly, and you gagged again.

Touching yourself while also sucking Mihawk off was truly making your brain short circuit. You thought of nothing but making the both of you feel good.

"Ugh,” Mihawk's jaw clenched, "I'm gonna cum."

You did not slow down. You kept going, trying to reach your own orgasm. Your hips rolled into your hand and you let out a moan, causing Mihawk to go right into overdrive. His brain may have short circuited as well. Words were not forming, for once, as he came in your mouth.

You were quick to swallow down the cum, and pulled back, but his hand stayed in your hair. "Good girl," His chest heaved, "you took me so well." The praise sent you over the edge. You let out a cry and came undone by your own touch.

"Mihawk," you cried out, your jaw went slack. "Fuck!" You shook. Mihawk watched you, his hand giving your hair a gentle tug.

You looked up at him as your body went limp. You sighed as he removed his hand from your hair. He pulled you up and placed you on the bed. You gave him a confused look but you did not argue. Mihawk began to pepper kisses down your chest and towards your stomach. His fingers pushed past your folds and your hips instinctively rolled. Mihawk smiled against your skin. His name fell from your lips, soft and sweet.

Mihawk's teeth grazed your inner thigh and you whined for him. Begging for him to fuck you with his mouth. Mihawk did not deny you. He licked a stripe up your pussy and his tongue hit your clit. It was your turn to tangle your hands in his hair. You lied there, crying and begging for him. Your hips bucked up and Mihawk let out a low growl, his hands finding your hips and holding them down. Every time your hips rolled, Mihawk's grip grew tighter. You were sure you were going to be bruised in the morning.

Your back arched and your fingers tangled a little tighter in his hair. Mihawk’s tongue swirled around your clit and you quickly came undone. Your eyes screwed shut and you let out a sharp cry. Mihawk slowed down but was quick to lick you clean. His grip loosened on you once your body relaxed and fell back onto the bed.

Mihawk pulled away from you and you lied there for a second, collecting yourself. You were far from done though. Mihawk positioned himself over you and looked at you closely. Your half lidded eyes met his and you furrowed your brows. “What?” Your voice was almost hoarse.

“Are you good to continue?” Mihawk’s head tilted to the side. Your head bobbed and Mihawk smirked. He grabbed one of your legs and easily spread them apart. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your forehead to his. He let out a quiet laugh. “Tired already?”

“No,” you sighed out, “okay maybe. I’ve been ‘on the run’ for a week, and also haven’t had an experience like this one, in… Well, ever.” You confessed to him, “No man has ever treated me like this. And I don’t think any other man ever will.”

“Ah,” Mihawk smirked, “smart girl.”

“Whatever,” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but smile, “just fuck me.”

You did not need to ask twice. Mihawk positioned himself at your entrance and you wrapped your legs locked around his hips. He pushed himself inside of you and you moaned, eyes closing. Mihawk’s tongue clicked and you opened your eyes to look at him. “I want to see your pretty eyes as I ruin you.” His hips pressed into yours.

Your grip on him suddenly grew tighter. You pressed your forehead to his and he picked up his pace. As he pulled out, your hips followed him. One of his hands was placed at the bend of your knee and the other kept him held up above you. Your legs tensed around him and you cried, begging for him to go faster, deeper, and harder.

“Do you deserve it?” The question caught you off guard. A quiet ‘what’ escaped you. “You were gone for a week-” His hips thrusted into you at a slower pace than you would have liked but at least he wasn’t stopping, “How can I know you won’t leave again?”

“Please,” You begged, clenching around him, “fuck! I’m so sorry,” You were a mess, “I won’t- I won’t leave again. I promise!”

Mihawk’s face dropped to your neck and he began to suck and nip at the sensitive skin. You could feel him smile against you as his pace finally picked up. The sound of skin on skin filled the room. Along with the sounds of your whines and Mihawk’s grunts. He wasn’t that loud… You weren’t too shocked by that though.

Your cries grew louder, higher pitched as his hips thrusted into yours. Your nails ran up and down his back, clawing him as you pleaded for him to let you cum, you were so close. You felt yourself crumbling again.

You started saying his name, quietly, until it was loud and the only thing your brain could process. Your toes curled, your eyes rolled in the back of your head, and your stomach was on fire. Your nails were doing more damage than you wanted to. Mihawk did not slow down, his pace quickened. He was absolutely losing his mind. He was close too.

“Where?” His voice was gruff as he lifted up from your neck.

Your legs loosened around him. “Stomach,” was the first thing you could say. Mihawk pulled out and pumped himself a couple times, before coming on your stomach. You leaned back on the bed and watched Mihawk. He rolled to the side, lying beside you. Your eyes followed his movements and you waited for him to say something. Anything.

Nothing.

“Well,” You moved to sit up, “I’m gonna clean up.” Mihawk followed you. You heard him behind you as you stood up and wandered to your bathroom. You smiled to yourself. “This shower is actually really nice,” you motioned towards it, “If you wanted to, uh, clean up yourself.”

Mihawk cocked a brow at you. You pouted. “You make it sound like I need to shower.”

“Oh!” Your jaw went slack, “no! I wanted to shower, but you can join me is what I’m trying to say.” You turned away from Mihawk, face burning from your awkward encounter.

“We just had sex,” Mihawk came up behind you, “you can ask me that outright.”

“Noted,” You turned the shower on, “Can I ask you another question? I’ll be more straightforward.” You looked at Mihawk over your shoulder. He nodded. “Did you really miss me while I was gone?” You were genuinely curious, you did not want to sound like a smart ass at all. You needed to know.

“Yes.” Mihawk answered honestly.

You turned to him once you got the shower on. “Well, I hope you like hot showers, because my ass is not taking a cold one.” You smiled at him. He huffed. “Come on, we have all night to discuss what I did, and all the trouble I narrowly escaped while running away from you!”

You had a feeling you’d be doing a lot more than talking for the rest of that night, though.

[venusjaynie]

baby names ~ blurb

chris sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: a cute little scenario about discussing possible baby names with your husband chris.

cw: pregnancy, a lot of dialogue

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"what about... chris junior?" your husband turns to you with a smirk.

"we've been over this. he is not having your name." you say with an exasperated eye roll, though you don't fight the smile that graces your lips.

"i know, baby, i'm just teasin'. and bernard is definitely out?" you stare at him blankly in response.

"i know you aren't even serious about that." he just laughs at you. his laughter dies down and the two of you sit in a comfortable silence, with chris slowly rubbing your bump. you're around the 5 month mark now, and you couldn't be more excited, however the discussion of a name has been long winded, and hasn't just included you and chris. "what was nick's suggestion again?"

"nick originally said jimmy, which i vetoed. i love my dad but c'mon. then he said william." chris' reaction to the name didn't show much interest.

"that's nice but he just doesn't feel like a william, y'know?" you say to chris.

"i agree. matt suggested jonathan, which i didn't really like. mom still thinks he's actually a girl 'cause she says sometimes the scans can pick things up wrong." he says while looking at you, and you hum in acknowledgement.

"maybe she's right? sometimes they are wrong. it might be worth having a few girl options just incase, right?" he nods in agreement.

"what about... christina?"

"chris!"

"kidding, kidding. i like isabella." he says seriously.

"isabella... that's pretty. i like that one. that can be an option." he smiles in satisfaction that one of his suggestions has been received well. "i really like daisy, too." chris hums thoughtfully.

"me too." he says, pressing a kiss to your temple. "hey, if we do have a boy, what about theo?" a smile graces your face.

"i like theo, but can his full name be theodore so we can call him teddy?" you ask sweetly, and chris chuckles quietly.

"sure thing, babe. teddy sturniolo. he sounds like a fuckin' badass." his seriousness makes you giggle.

the two of you fall into that comfortable silence again, and chris runs his hand up and down your thigh gently.

"hey, i'm really happy i got you pregnant."

"that's an strangely romantic sentiment, where did that come from?" you ask teasingly, to which he shrugs.

"i don't know, it's just that, i never thought i'd have kids this young 'cause i'm immature as fuck, y'know? but you make me think i can be a really good dad." your heart practically melt at his answer, until he says "and obviously you look hot as fuck with my baby in you." and your smile drops, unamused. he doesn't even redact his words as you know that he means well, and as much as he's crass and crude, he is genuinely glad that the two of you are starting a little family. you reach up to press a swift kiss to his cheek as matt enters the room.

"did you guys decide on a name yet?" he asks, walking over to the two of you.

"yeah, i think we're gonna go with bernard." you say, deadly stone-faced, and you receive a death glare in response from matt, followed by a burst of laughter from your husband.

"tell me you're kidding." he says.

"of course, matthew, we are not calling our child bernard." he breathes what can only be called a sigh of relief.

"what did you pick then?"

"as of right now, we're pretty set on theodore." you tell him, running your hand over your stomach, and matt's eyebrows raise slightly in surprise.

"theodore, huh? never heard either of you mention that one before."

"yeah, we just thought of it." chris chimes in. "y/n says we can call him teddy, and i said we can call him theo, so there's plenty of nickname potential there."

"that's really cool, guys. i can't wait to meet my nephew. or niece, according to mom." matt says with a laugh. "hey, maybe it's twins and you guys just don't know yet. y'know how sometimes they can't see it on the scan? imagine if that happened to you guys. that would be insane."

matt's words make you freeze up a little. you hadn't even thought of that possibility, and while having twins would be fun, you're nervous enough for one, never mind two.

"i never even thought of that." you say with wide eyes, and matt can clearly sense the nervousness his words brought you.

"it's probably not twins, uh, they can almost always tell. you'll be fine!" he says quickly. feeling uncomfortable in the situation he created, matt awkwardly mutters out a 'sorry' and steps out of the room.

"and, babe, even if it is twins, we're gonna be amazing parents, yeah? and you're so strong so carrying those kids is gonna be light work for you, right?" chris says comfortingly. you nod, and relax again into chris' side.

you have to admit, the thought of having twins is exciting.

"yeah, it'll be fun." you say with a small smile. "we could get them little matching-but-not-matching outfits!"

"alright, sweetheart, don't get ahead of yourself, we don't even know if we're having twins yet." chris replies with a laugh.

"i know, i know. i'm just excited. and anyways, i've got another scan in a couple of weeks, so we'll know by then." he nods in response.

"imagine two mini versions of us running around." he says, secretly ecstatic at the thought of having twins.

"daisy and theo."

"fuckin' coolest duo in boston."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this sucks ass :)

[ghouljams]

supervisor: we are not gonna test their gd sperm count

Site Memo from ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛:

Stop asking if you can clean up the ejaculate in SCP-141-C's containment unit. I know you freaks aren't trying to help out the janitorial staff.

Messages from now defunct slack channel "I want to [redacted] the anomalies":

⬛⬛⬛⬛: Oh no I'm on SCP-141 supervision duty :( whatever will I do :( ⬛⬛⬛⬛: Oh no it's 141-C :( he'll probably jack off :( oh no :( ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: Girl if you don't stfu ⬛⬛⬛⬛: >:) ⬛⬛⬛: I've never been so jealous in my life. ⬛⬛: Test his sperm count I want that man's babies. ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: lmao ⬛⬛⬛: lmao ⬛⬛⬛⬛: Dr. ⬛⬛⬛⬛ says I'm not allowed in containment. ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: Booooooo ⬛⬛⬛: Boo Dr. ⬛⬛⬛⬛ boo ⬛⬛: At least Dr. ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ lets us talk to 141-A. ⬛⬛⬛⬛: Lucky :( ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: Who's on 141-D(addy) tonight. ⬛⬛: You gotta stop calling him that I almost put that in my notes yesterday. ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: I'll stop calling him that when he stops looking like that. ⬛⬛⬛⬛: What does 141-D even do all day? ⬛⬛: Nothing. ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: Make panties drop. ⬛⬛: He's literally so boring, he just sits there. He's working ⬛⬛⬛⬛: ??? ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: What the fuck is that? Hello. ⬛⬛: Hello???? ⬛⬛⬛: Slack is glitching hold on. You all seem rather useful. ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛: Just reboot the channel. ⬛⬛⬛: So annoying when it does this. Oh Gaz is going to love this.

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

SxF Crack Theory: The Identity Of [REDACTED]'s Father

Hear me out here.... but, maybe, Twilight's father could be Yuri's boss, aka, the SSS Lieutenant.

Now, this might be a crack/joke theory, but here is the evidence I have to back up my claim (yes, I'm presenting it because I'm just Like That):

(Warning: Manga spoilers ahead)

Exhibit A: Physical Characteristics

Here is a picture of Agent Twilight:

Here is a picture of Yuri's boss (who, from now in, will be referred to as YB, for my own convenience):

We can see that Twilight and YB have very similar facial characteristics: bluish-grey eyes, blond hair, and a similar face shape (nose, jaw).

We never see Twilight's father's full face: only the lower half, because he has presumably forgotten his face, along with his mother's (King of Emotional Repression™️), but we can see that his jawline and shape of his mouth are very similar to Adult Twilight.

Oh, and look at that- rather pronounced cheekbones, if I do say so myself. Where else did I see those? Hmmm

Exhibit B: Ambiguous Fate

During the War Arc, we're never told about [REDACTED]'s father's fate. We just know he never returns to his family: and the reason why he left for the very last time, was that, "Things have been heating up at the border. I need to take a little business trip." The fact that his, a (presumably) rather important man's, body was never recovered: nor were [REDACTED] or his mother informed of his death. Of course, his body could have been lost in the bombings, or the part of [REDACTED] finding out about his father's dead could have been omitted, but for most of the part, we're left to assume about his father's dead. And... this sounds familiar to another instance...

Like the instance of [REDACTED]'s friends. He (and we) assumed they'd died in the warehouse as children, but later we see that they're alive and in the army (only to die a second time, RIP), but this time, for their deaths to be confirmed: for [REDACTED] to only receive their dog tags after the failed campaign.

This may have been a setup: for Endo to reintroduce [REDACTED]'s father, later in the story, as YB.

Anyway, one thing I've learned after reading and watching so many books, comics, and TV shows: never assume a person's dead, not unless their body/proof of their death has been explicitly shown. This belief was only reinforced after [REDACTED]'s friends.

And, [REDACTED]'s father's last known place was around the Westalian-Ostanian border. He could have escaped in the crossfire, theoretically...

Exhibit C: Fatherly Nature (?)

We all love a good found-family dynamic in the workplace. It's there with WISE, it's there with Garden, and it's kinda there with the SSS.

My main argument about this stems from the chapter which focuses on Yuri's work.

We see YB continuously worry about Yuri's physical health, in panels like:

Obviously, this doesn't happen only in this chapter. Whenever Yuri's there, YB is also there, yelling at him to a) go to sleep, or b) STOP GETTING HIT BY BUSSES OH MY FUCKING GOD IT CAN'T HAPPEN SO MANY TIMES TO ONE PERSON-

And, of course, there's the Yuri Sick Fic chapter:

Not gonna lie, this point is extremely weak, if I brought this up in court I'd be laughed out of there-

Anyway, I just wanted to put this in.

If it does turn out that YB is [REDACTED]'s father then. Bestie. Buddy. How are you managing to be a better father-figure to some insolent kid who gets hit by busses than you were to your actual son, like 20 years ago. Maybe he learned along the way.

Exhibit D: Symbolism (???)

Oh, look, another point I'm pulling out of my ass! But whatever, you're reading it <3

During the War Arc, we see Twilight sustain two major injuries:

One, as a child, when his home is bombed:

And two, as an adult, in the army:

and these injuries are both to his left eye.

Of course, this has given rise to theories of him not being able to see his left eye, it being his blind spot, and Yor guarding his blind spot on missions, etc., etc., which I love bc ✨Twiyor✨

Getting back on point, if we look at YB, we see that he has injuries too... or rather, remnants of them, what with the scars he has...

which, are also on his left eye. Huh! Interesting... this might just be me, but could this be parallels to how similar he and his father were? Are? His father also wanted peace between Ostania and Westalis: but he taught his child that in a very harsh manner (by slapping him), but Twilight wants to teach Anya that in a kind manner. Whenever we see him teaching her, he never loses his cool with her (of course, he loses a lot of hope, but this man's a pessimist, what can we do).

Also shows how much kinder Twilight is, compared to his father.

---

Of course, these points are very weak, and it might just be that Endo reused some character designs for efficiency, but let me be, ok!! This is a crack theory!!! Let me be a clown!!!! AKDFJSJF

If I'm being honest, this post was inspired by a convo I'd had with my friend, around the time Chapter 86 was released. She was theorizing that [REDACTED]'s dad is the Shopkeeper, and I was theorizing it was this dude. Of course, our theorizing was sidetracked by Chapter 86, and a certain panel within it, but... WHATEVER.

So, what are your thoughts? Obviously, my own theory is very weak (for example, why would the SSS accept a Westalian citizen into their ranks? Why would he even join the SSS? Could he have defected? Abandoned his wife and kid?), but this was fun to think about, lol. What are your theories? I think the Shopkeeper-is-the-dad theory and the YB-is-his-dad theory are both cool, so, what do you think?

(Also, yeah, I know, his dad could very well be dead. I just refuse to believe it, bc I'm just Like That <3)

[gallaghersgal]

frat boy lip finding out that some new cocky, asshole freshman are being mean to other girls, let alone you oh it’s so over for them lip’s already got his foot on their neck (metaphorically or literally—depends on the situation tbh…)

obsessed w/ lip being so so protective over his little clingy crybaby gf ugh I need him to [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] no warnings, just some crying and a little bit of angry lip at the end!

when you step into lip's room with tearful eyes and mascara tracking down your rosy cheeks, he doesn't waste a second in scooping you up into bed with him. between situating you in his lap and kissing your wet cheeks he whispers; "who." not a question, a demand. "who the fuck made y'cry, baby? 'cause they're gonna regret it."

you inhale in a pitiful little sniffle and press your face against the firm muscle of his chest, shaking your head. "jus' some dick i-in the student center. h-he called my dress ugly!" you exclaim.

"the dress i bought ya? this gorgeous dress?" he asks, playing with the soft fabric of the skirt. he ruches it up past your thighs, letting it fall gently back over the swell of your ass. one firm hand rests there, the other cupping your jaw. "you think i would spend my hard earned money on an ugly dress? hm? dry the tears, sweet girl."

a wet laugh escapes your lips and an indescribable swell rushes over your poor, tormented heart. "no, y'wouldn't," you admit in a mumble as you wipe the remaining tears from under your eyes.

"good girl," he praises, scattering kisses all over your face in an attempt to hear that precious laugh of yours again. "so fuckin' sexy, this 's'ya color. he's jus' jealous, mad that y'so far outta his league. lemme show you, yeah?"

the worries slip from your mind in tandem with his hand slipping under your dress, and by that night you've forgotten all about it.

you don't remember the interaction until a few days later. you're seated on the half wall outside lip's frat house, a grin on your lips as you play bouncer alongside him. a loud, rude voice catches your attention and you shudder, pointing with the cig in your hand to a group of guys approaching the party. "lip, there! the one in the middle, that's the asshole from the student center."

lip gets a shit eating grin on his face and plucks the cig from your fingers, pushing off his spot on the wall. "y'want me to kick his ass, baby?" he kisses your cheek, not even waiting for a response before he marches up to the boy. "hey! who the fuck do y'think you are, huh?"

you hear the boy slur out some drunken excuse, his friends scattering towards another party nearby. it doesn't take long for him to swing at lip, at which you hear a hearty laugh rise from your boyfriend's chest. he catches the punch, twisting the boy's arm behind his back before leaning in towards his ear. you can't make out what lip says to him, but whatever it is does the trick because he ends up nodding solemnly. the pained grimace on his face is a laughable contrast against lip's cocky smirk as he walks the boy up towards you.

"what d'ya fuckin' say t'her, hm?" lip demands, stopping right in front of you. the boy is silent until lip twists his arm harder, drawing out a pained yelp. "i said, what the fuck d'ya say to her? or do i need to remind you."

"no, no! jesus, fine" the boy slurs, directing his gaze to you. "y'very pretty."

lip kicks his heel, not hard enough to knock it from under him, but just enough to hinder his balance. he pulls his cigarette from his lips, exhaling the smoke before demanding, "what did i say about respect."

"you are very pretty, ma'am," he repeats, pursing his lips before the next statement. "an' i'm a little bitch, w-with a littler dick."

you turn your gaze to lip, refusing to address the boy. "you can let him go, i guess," you tell him with a smile, and laugh when the boy stumbles.

"i don' wanna see you around here again, y'hear me?" lip calls out, flicking the ashes of his cigarette at the boy's retreating form.