#i'm glad we're all here together to get to see it 💖

[classicsmosh]

hi, im that aro anon you were talking about. you didn’t sound preachy at all, dw, i just wanted to clarify myself because i sent that ask like a week ago i think and i probably could’ve explained myself better.

..which is sort of the hard part for me because articulating my thoughts on love is just as hard as fully grasping haha. it makes sense in my head but writing it never comes out right.

i think you bring up a lot of good points and i totally agree with your thoughts on platonic love, always have, and i’m the last person that treats platonic love as second best to the romantic kind.

what i was trying to say is that the label or line itself doesn’t really matter to me when it comes to ianthony. in real life they’re obviously platonic, but a lot of people see them in a romantic context too for fun, and i understand it regardless so it doesn’t make a difference to me. in my mind, it doesn’t even really require a label. it’s just Love, and that’s why i felt that i could understand it fully in a way that’s usually hard for me.

to quote myself, they are [an example of] my definition of love, and that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s romantic— i didn’t mean it romantically. it just is. my aromanticism felt relevant when talking about this because it affects the way i view all love, but i think that might’ve led to confusion.

you said it better than me: “I’d even say it’s true love”. that’s what i was originally trying to get across, and i think it might’ve gotten misinterpreted a little. but i really appreciate you talking about it because i love discussing things with other aro(aces) like myself. sorry for the essay ❤️

Thank you for the clarification! I also didn't mean to sound like I thought you were devaluing platonic love! That wasn't the thought process, the whole thing sort of came from a misplaced sense of concern, I guess. 😅

[tarlosislove]

For those who are new to the 911verse because of Buck, hello! This is just another post I'm making to show that there's been Queer characters here all along! 🏳️‍🌈

I'm so glad because of Buck being canonically Bi new people have started watching the show, maybe you didn't know there's been Queer characters the whole time, maybe you don't know that there's a spinoff that is also v queer.

Both 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star have been Queer from the very beginning.

9-1-1: Hen and Karen are Lesbians, they're married and have a son together. The first season is.. rough with them but we as a fandom have basically agreed to ignore that storyline because they are incredible now and have been for a long time, just push through that storyline and it's all good from there. Shipname: Henren

You'll see Michael and David for a few seasons, they're really sweet and I love them, they're said to still be together but they're not on the show anymore. (That is completely the fault of the actor for Michael)

Josh is a recurring character, he's gay and Maddie's friend and co-worker at the dispatch center.

Buck has had so many moments throughout the show that just makes complete sense that he is now discovering his Bisexuality. So don't worry you're not gonna have to wait 7 seasons to see Buck have Queer moments.

There's also several times we see Queer characters that are just there for an episode because they were part of the rescue.

•

9-1-1: Lone Star: Carlos and T.K are gay and get together at the beginning of the show and are still together as we're going into season 5. Shipname: Tarlos

Paul is a Trans man firefighter. As a Trans person Paul means so fucking much to me.

Nancy is Bisexual, while there has only been one comment in the show both the writers and the actress for Nancy have confirmed she's Bi.

Again there are times when you see Queer characters that are there for an episode or for a rescue. I love when shows do this because it just normalizes Queerness throughout and it's not just main characters that are Queer.

These are both gay firefighter shows and I truly hope you love them! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜💖

[anton-luvr]

hi!! love your works so i wanted to request a fic where y/n and her bf (riize member of your choice) of a few months are together and since it’s only a few months they are all sweet and cute, they didn’t really approach the idea of sex yet.. but he gets his first boner with y/n and at first it’s all awkward and shi but then it gets suggestive but they don’t go all the way yk because it’s their first approach to the topic. hope you understood the request and thank you in advance 😭💖

# CLOSER THAN EVER.

𖦹 bf!anton x fem!reader | fluff & HEAVILY suggestive 𖦹 note ; this is so anton coded no one can tell me otherwise... thank u anon!! its my first writing something like this and honestly,, i feel like this kinda sucks lol but i hope u like it :')

"Does this taste okay?"

Anton looks up from the bowl of ice cream he was holding to see you stretching a spoon of chocolate sauce towards him.

"It tastes kinda weird," you mumble, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But it's not expired yet."

Anton licks the sauce off the spoon, concentrating on its flavor.

"Okay, that's definitely weird." he agrees, wincing as he's met with a gross combination of sour and sweet. "We are not going to eat that."

Laughing at your boyfriend's reaction, you turn away to toss the bottle into the bin.

"Here, eat some ice cream." Anton suggests, getting a spoonful for you. "It takes the taste right out."

You hum happily around the spoon at the taste of the sweet icy treat, excited to eat more during your movie night later.

"I'm so glad we got vanilla flavor," you sighed. "It's so go-"

And all of a sudden, Anton's lips are on yours, cutting you off.

His warm tongue moves and licks against your cold lips, sending goosebumps all over your body at the sensation.

"Y-You had ice cream on your lips." Anton mumbles when he pulls away, face burning red.

You're blushing too, but you laugh, finding it adorable.

"Maybe just say you wanna kiss me next time, hm?" you tease, wrapping your arms around Anton's neck.

The ice cream is long forgotten when the both of you lock lips again, Anton's arms tight around your waist as he slowly backs you against the kitchen counter.

"You look so pretty today," he sighs, brushing your hair aside and leaning down to kiss your neck.

It blows your mind at how when you first met Anton, he had been a blushing stumbling mess. Always avoiding your eye contact, stuttering endlessly, and always turning crimson red at any form of physical contact.

But now here you were, eyelids fluttering shut in pleasure while his teeth grazes softly against your neck. He doesn't stop even while leading you to the sofa, letting out a soft grunt when you straddle him.

Now, with the both of you heading into the eighth month of your relationship, you've achieved your fair share of milestones.

Starting off with the basics like holding hands and cuddling, you were now at the stage of hot and heavy makeouts, but nothing past that.

And since neither of you had any experience, both of you agreed to take things slow.

"When we're both ready," Anton had said back then to you, lips prettily swollen and panting from your first makeout session.

You wonder where he stands on the matter now, when something snaps you out of your thoughts.

Anton had stopped his actions, his flushed and shy face buried in your chest instead. "W-What's wrong?" you ask, dazed and confused as you run your hands through his hair.

He doesn't say anything, merely shifting around a bit to let you feel it.

You gulp when you do, eyes widening at your boyfriend.

"Is that- Are you...?" you mumbled, flustered.

He burns in embarrassment as he nods, nervously biting his bottom lip. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to... do that, you just look so pretty today and you sounded so-"

It's your turn to cut him off for tonight, kissing him strongly on the lips.

"Don't apologize, it happens." you whisper.

"And... I can help you out if you want?" you offer, looking at him warily.

Anton's eyes widen at your question, and he manages to muster a small "Y-Yeah, please.", desperation heavy in his tone.

He's barely gotten the words out of his lips when you kiss him again, hips experimentally moving against his.

The curly haired boy lets out a loud whine at this, head falling back on the sofa, and you've gotten your green light.

Airy whimpers and moans slowly fill your living room as you continue, the pleasurable friction making Anton's head spin while you kiss each other messily and noisily.

Adrenaline courses through you while his hands feel you up, newfound pleasure burning like fire at wherever his fingertips touched.

"F-Feels so good," Anton pants, hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

He starts leaving hickeys again, the sharpness of his teeth and warmth of his tongue adding on to the pleasure. "Don't stop, please." he whines.

And so, you don't.

The movie becomes the last thing on your minds as you spend the rest of the night just like that; lips connected, hands exploring each other, repeated confessions of love, and hearts racing - closer than ever.

© anton-luvr, 2023.

[ofmdee]

😔

i'm sure we all know what this is about, lmfao, ive been debating if i even wanna make a post abt All This, but idk i've been having a lot of mixed emotions and feeling rly weird and raw about everything so. idk this is just me trying to process some things i guess.

i should start by saying atticus and i weren't like, overly close? we were friendly and collaborated together and would hype each other's stuff up, and i genuinely looked forward to seeing him in my notifications, he always seemed so nice to me. we'd chat every now and then. i sent him some diamond painting trinkets once. and maybe that makes me naive or gullible or whatever, which is something ive been wrestling with since everything boiled over, but i just. had no idea. i thought he was just a nice, supportive dude and this has totally blindsided me and it makes me feel kinda foolish.

and i find myself still looking for him on here, for his tags on my sim stuff (which always got a big boost in interaction when he'd reblog them that i always appreciated, which is maybe a reason i was so blind to everything. i felt flattered and happy that more ppl were seeing the things i put so much energy into) and then i remember it wasn't real and it's like this weird wave of grief, but that grief is for someone who never even rly existed? and that makes it hard for me to process, and idk why it is affecting me so deeply in the first place? because like i said, we weren't super close and yet i feel like im taking this rly personally?

and i think part of it is like..... he tricked everyone. (or a lot of ppl, anyway), which means he also tricked me and that's mean and why would someone be mean to me? 😭 and i dont want to make it sound like this is all about me. it's obviously not, and he's hurt others a lot more, i'm just. idk this post is abt my feelings specifically.

and the thing is, i am so stupid sensitive, and i guess ive rly let it get to me, ive cried about everything more than once, tearing up rn typing this lol.

i feel like this sounds overly sympathetic towards him, and that's not what i'm going for, but i guess i do have a bit of sympathy for him, but not actually, because i'm still thinking of him as who i thought he was, you know? and i keep thinking about how i'd feel if i lost my entire online life and fandom, but then i'm like well i'm not building it entirely on lies and theft 💅

i'm not sure what i'm going to do about the collaborations we did together, i was rly proud of the work i did for them, and i liked the plots we came up with, but...... idk :/ how can i even know if they were original plots now? idk i might not make any decision on it for a while, everything feels so fresh still. i'm kind of seesawing between sad and mad right now, but also it warms my heart a little, seeing how this has brought ppl together.

i've had one on one conversations with several people for the first time, and i take comfort that we're all here for each other.

idk tho it's just a shitty situation, and there's a lot of mess to clean up now, but it seems like everyone is rallying around each other and turning poison into positivity and all that, so! glad to see it <3

idk idk how to wrap this post up, or if ive even expressed what i rly wanted to express but yeha, if you wanna talk, you can msg me 💖

[bisnes-socks]

I'm going to take this opportunity to waffle about how beautiful this Bojere thing is 😭 not even about the shipping, but just seeing a friendship so deep and so instant, holding out for years, gives me so much hope! 😭💕 that you can choose your people, that you can stay in touch, that the connection that had happened in the middle of chaos was real and worth fighting for 😭 That whatever bit of happiness you manage to catch your way is not doomed 🥲 Being silly together about some blorbos is what community is about and I love you all so much 💕💕💕 (almost as much as Bojere loves each other, but we all know it's impossible to surpass that 😆)

Yes, could not agree more!! 💖💖

It's such a precious connection they have, and it's so healing to see it. Kinda makes you believe in miracles, but also just shines a new kind of light on the beauty of the "ordinary". Because at the end of the day, their special connection is made out of ordinary things. Sharing time and sharing space. Choosing someone as the one you want to spend time with - and yeah, not even in a shippy, romantic way. They're choosing each other in whatever capacity it is, but they keep choosing each other whenever they get the chance.

It's beautiful, to see it played out. To see that they think of each other, that they care about each other, that they like each other and gravitate towards each other. It's just a beautiful thing, even without any shipping or anything like that applied to it.

And it's amazing, how many of us bond over just witnessing the connection they have. Theirs is a connection that creates more connections 💖 Because at the end of the day, we're here celebrating the fact that two people have found each other in whatever way and capacity they have needed and wanted. And that's just a beautiful thing to celebrate!! Every single one of you guys, every person here in this community, you're all angels and i'm glad that we're all bonding over the sheer beauty of bonding itself 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Thank you for sending this ask 💙

send me asks about things that make you happy and things that you love

[pursued-by-the-squid]

yeah sorry that sound you can hear is me SCREAMING!!!

gun scene gun scene gun scene gun sc-

“he’s gotten much better at it” SHES TRAINING HIM TO TEXT HER BACK AND BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND OLDER MALE FRIEND WHO GIVES YOU MONEY IN EXCHANGE FOR COMPANY (did they invent a word for that 🤔)

2 BILLION WON ???? sir please stand up

inho letting her cry on him ‘haha i’m so strong and merciless this was all part of my secret evil masterplan’ HES DOWN BAD PLEASE YOUR HONOUR HE JUST DOESNT KNOW IT YET

“seong gihun has won the races before” horse metaphor strikes again i’m eating it up ☝️ seong gihun as both the better and the horse 😩 he’s a gambler and a pawn 🫦 he won the games and lost everything else

inho’s so bitter about the police i love it (poor junho though my lil dora the explorer can never catch a break)

two hugs in one day ?? girl is winning (she is going to suffer so badly)

i’m sorry i’m so obsessed with inho comforting her every time he is lowkey the cause of her distress it’s so awful and evil and funny

and yeah i’m crying thinking about gihun giving her jungbae and junho’s mother’s info like i’m actually devastated

🎶it’s too late to try and save her from being associated with you now gihun she will not go on to do great things without you she is already irreversibly intertwined with your life and your choices you have doomed her to following you into hell just by trying to help her🎶

🩷💕✨🎀💖💞💗✨💘💓THE KISS🎀💞💖💕💗✨🩷💘💓

junho my useless princess ily

oh maaaan the guilt is gonna eat gihun alive when he sees her in the games 😍🤌 is he gonna be mad at her for not listening to him and following him into the games just for her to be like 🔄 i didn’t even choose to be here AND i didn’t leave my house AND the games found me not the other way around AND i’m mad at you for kissing me and then leaving me to be attacked

2x guilt for gihun because he wasn’t there to protect her

IF YOU COUDKNT TELL I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHAPTER ITS SO FUCKITN GOOD DJAHSKDKAGSJJDSH

🏆🏆🏆

me carefully crafting this chapter knowing damn well that it's gonna make u lose ur mind:

oh man the gun scene 😏 yeah that one was fun. like trying to determine how many lingering touches gi-hun felt he could get away with + how many lies about their homework does the reader plan to get away with JUST TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM?? they're so stupid together and i love them

fucking instigator in-ho, i cannot with this man. "yeah i'm so cruel and awful, and it doesn't stir up my soft secret feelings at all when you cry into my chest and trust me to take care of you, not at all and fuck you for thinking that, actually i'm gonna send you on a suicide mission because your mere existence threatens every wall i've put up around my heart" 😍 i love him so much

RAAAHHHHHHHHHH OKAY LOOK I AM SO OBSESSED WITH THAT TALK IN-HO & GI-HUN HAD AT THE END OF THE GAMES LAST TIME, THE HORSE RACING METAPHOR WHEN GI-HUN ONLY CAME TO THE GAMES BC OF HORSE RACES, GOT OUT INTO HIS OWN HORSE RACE, NOW HE'S THE PRIZED GELDING ????? IT'S SUCH A RICH LITTLE NUGGET THAT I JUST WNAT TO CHEW ON, THANK YOU FOR APPRECIATING IT

the kiss !!!!!!!!! my stupid desperate suicidal old man !!!!!! (not to toot my own horn here or anything, but that last paragraph in gi-hun's pov where he thinks about dying while remembering the kiss?? actually my favorite chunk of writing i've ever done in my entire life) also do not think about how in-ho watched that from his tablet and felt an insane surge of irritation (aka jealousy) seeing them kiss

ohhhhohohohohohohohoho man i have been chomping at the bit waiting for the games to finally start and i'm so glad we're finally here 😏 you might be onto something there, but 🤭 i guess we'll have to wait and see!!

[evilphone]

Hey i'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. We don't talk much but I started following you because of your Metalocalypse fanart and aside from that i just really enjoy seeing you on my dashboard!

I'm sorry you've been feeling suicidal, i don't know if this is helpful or not but I'M glad that you are alive. You're creative, talented, funny and unique and you make the world better by being in it.

As for not liking your own art... i draw too, and i struggle to see any strong points in my own stuff, so i'm not one to give any good advice on that. What i can tell you is that i've never seen any work of yours that i don't like. You have an excellent grasp on anatomy while also giving it your own twist and making all your stuff unmistakably YOURS! And the way you make your lineart look melts my brain by how GOOD it is. All of your characters seem so lively and just fun to look at. And you always give them such fun facial expressions that make them feel like real people! I'm not sure how else to describe it other than this, but i really mean it when i say it's great. I hope things get better for you very soon. Easier said than done, i know, but i'm still sending you my best wishes. I debated sending you this via discord (we're in a server together and we've talked a little before :D) but i don't wanna make you feel pressured to quickly reply to a private message (i often get that feeling myself) or make you feel oddly perceived by a rando with a name, so i'll just send it here, as an anonymous rando instead. Please take care of yourself, i think you're a very special person and you deserve to feel good <3

THANK U SM for all the kind words 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖!!!

I'm feeling a bit better today 🥹 but i've been in a sort of prolonged creative slump and not being able to enjoy my one and only hobby is definitely not helping my mood as of late lol.

but again tysm for the nice message <3 it rlly made my day

[mint-ty]

I get the disappointment re: the lack of bojere content. We were all expecting more, especially after finding out that JO would spend so many days with him. But I don't think Jere hates bojere, considering how much he himself has willingly and knowingly fed us bojere enjoyers. But I do feel like he is afraid that his involvement and presence throws a shadow over JO, and really wanted JO to have their proper moment in Finland now, and not make it about him. And having been to both shows, I think it was the right call. I feel like even bringing Häärijä on stage on Saturday, while cute, was unnecessary and a bit of a mistake. Sunday's show was the perfect JO experience and I'm glad they got to have it and that Jere was able to enjoy it from the audience for once. And also he is on vacation and kinda in between "eras" right now, and JO is also moving on from ESC, so I feel them playing Cha Cha cha now would have felt weird. Idk, maybe they'll do something in July, when Jere is back to work, so to speak. Or maybe they won't. But I'm happy they'll at least get to meet again fairly soon. Especially when I think about last May and Jere crying, because he didn't know if he'd see bojan again. 🥺❤️ And I'll continue to wish for a proper collab song, so that they would always have an excuse to perform together if the opportunity arose and it wouldn't be awkward (like playing just Käärijä or JO song would be, I think)

(puting under cut because I'm just waffling depressing shit)

man, anon, I don't even know why it's hitting me so hard. The weird thing is that I fully agree with everthing: him on stage would have been unnecessary and kinda setting a bad precedent, and I'm happy they keep their friendship private, as they should. (the friendship that is absolutely real and I never doubted that). But the timing and the way it was done... like the silence is so fucking loud. The only conclusion I can draw is that Jere regrets doing things the way he's done during JO Nordic Tour... Am I now a bad person that I enjoyed that content? Because whenever I had a bad day it was such a comfort to look up videos of Jere and Bojan... but if he regrets that those videos are public, I feel like I'm not allowed to rely on them anymore.. That we're not invited to Bojere anymore.

And again it's completely fine, they don't own us anything. But the christmas is gone and I don't know what to do now.. I keep reminding myself that I can't expect anything and honestly that's very depressing.

I also undestand that these are fully my personal issues, I'm most likely overthinking all this to oblivion and I'm also sorry for bringing all this up here. It would make me most happy to know I'm the only one feeling this way.

Oh and I love you anon, I hope you have a good day 💖

[joelscruff]

Ok. I've had time to process and gather my thoughts. Amazing chapter! Not so much mad at you as I am at Joel. (But I also don't care considering it's Joel freaking Miller). Here are my organized thoughts:

I love how we got to see a lot of her catholic guilt struggles. with Bethany, her mom, etc. I had a friend just like Bethany, and even though I relate to reader in lots of ways, this chapter made me appreciate that I have a great relationship with my parents

as much as I love Joel and reader's relationship, I really love it how you show her other struggles. it shows she isn't defined just by her relationship.

grrrr Bethany. I hope she goes surfing one day and gets eaten by a shark. and dies slowly. and in an agonizing way.

poor reader! she was feeling so badass and confident with the bathroom/nude pics and then that stupid hag Bethany had to ruin everything.

Joel & Reader in this. My heart can't. both their sexy and soft moments. I mean just them cuddling in bed together is more sexy and romantic than the entirely of the fifty shades trilogy (no offense to people who love them). and when she gives him a bj and the thigh riding. HAWT. but also their tender moments. like when he comforted her about the catholic guilt and he admitted to being insecure about his age. when he said he was afraid to tell her his age but her honesty about being a virgin helped him open up, my JoelReader shipper heart did a backflip.

we've only had two scenes with Tasha and I love her already. she was definitely stunned and impressed when she heard Joel had grey hair.

THAT ENDING HOLY SHIT. it's one thing if they were on the date. but then he kissed her?!?! Joel has got lots and lots of explaining to do. I just want to give reader the biggest hug known to mankind. my poor baby.

amazing chapter as always. you balance fluff, smut, and angst so well. can't wait to see what happens next!

"as much as I love Joel and reader's relationship, I really love it how you show her other struggles. it shows she isn't defined just by her relationship" - thank you for saying this 🥺 obviously we're all here for joel miller (and that's why i'm writing it ofc) but i do try my best to add a bit of personality to reader where i can. i know a lot of people like writing/reading reader inserts that are very bare bones in the reader's personality so you can moreso insert yourself into the fic, but i've just never been able to do that 😭 probably because i'm still getting used to the whole ___ x reader format (i wasn't a wattpad girlie and never wrote/read these kinda fics). i hope that yall can still see yourself in her sometimes though 🥺

i'm also glad you like tasha!! she won't be TOO involved in this fic (i know a lot of people don't really like when OCs overstay their welcome) but she's vital in the next chapter cause reader needs someone to take care of her for a little bit :( so glad you enjoyed it 💖

[herefortarlos]

Hello Desi, I’m hitting your inbox with three questions for Nice Ask Week!🌞

1. Which new term(s) of endearment do you hope we get in season s5 and in which situation(s) should they occur?

2. For the steamy scene that we know we’re getting, which kind of steamy scene would it be if you could choose and what does it relate to in the episode? Like are we talking angsty ‘I almost lost you or you’re feeling sad’ steamy, boring (in a good 🥰 way) married s*x, the end of a dry spell for some reason, them trying something new, maybe related to a silly call or something, them being riled up, etc etc you choose!

3. Idk if you received the perfume yet, But! Do you think that this is the same scent that TK has worn from the start of their relationship or did he change it? Either or, when and how did Carlos notice it and what was his reaction to it? (Internally or externally)

I hope you’re enjoying your weekend very much!! - Mar ☺️🪷🐟

Hello, Mar 💖!! First of all, thank you for the ask and pleaseeeee forgive me for only getting to this now 😅 I can be the worst when it comes to asks because I need to make sure I am in the right head space to give them my full attention and answer them well! I do love receiving things like this though! I just put too much pressure on myself to give thoughtful answers!

Now then, let's talk about Tarlos terms of endearment!! I am sooo freaking excited and looking forward to hearing more sweet words between those husbands! The one I am most hopeful to hear is "sweetheart"!! I definitely imagine Carlos calling TK that more but would lose my mind if it came out of either of their mouths! I REALLY want to hear it in bed, either with them just waking up or in the middle of sexy times 🫠 But I think it's definitely reserved for when it's just the two of them alone at home! And we still better hear plenty of "baby"s, from TK and maybe Carlos too if we're really lucky!

Mwhahaha, for the steamy scene, I am 100% taking it literally and hoping we get a tarlos shower scene!! Since Ronen said TK gets hurt in 5x04 and then the steamy scene is in 5x05, I really want it to be "I'm so glad you're okay and that could have been so much worse than it was, grateful you're alive" sex! We get a callback to Carlos having to help TK bathe/shower, and at first it starts out slow, with Carlos deliberately and carefully stripping TK out of his clothes. Then he sees his husband's naked body and slight injury, whatever it may be, and he looks so sad, and TK notices this and grabs his face and reassures him that he is fine and here and alive, and they kiss and it goes from 0 to 100% passionate real quick! With TK showing Carlos he is more than okay and Carlos reminding TK that he is his and they are each other's and they are not allowed to go where the other can't follow! Carlos presses TK against the sink counter and both of them try to get Carlos out of his clothes too without having to leave each other's mouth for too long. Then the make their way over and stumble into the shower together, close the door and show the other just how much they love them 🥰. This kind of got away from me but I love where my mind went and we shall see what Lone Star actually has in mind for this steamy scene SOON!!

I DID receive my perfume and I was very happy with the purchase!! The scent is a little much for my partner, who has allergies and doesn't do well with most scents anyways, but I've been wearing a little on my wrist and neck whenever we go out of the house and I love the smell of it 🥰 I especially notice the jasmine and vanilla, with hints of the orange!

Now for TK, I think he found and started wearing this particular perfume a bit after he and Carlos officially started dating! We see in 1x10 that Carlos has loved putting his face in TK's neck very early on, and I bet he's always loved the way TK smells! He smells like a man with his natural musk mixed with whatever cologne/perfume he is wearing. But I can see TK wanting to make a change after accepting Austin and this new start with Carlos, and him finding a new, fresh cologne to signify that! I think he would have asked Carlos' opinion of the scent before actually using it and Carlos thought it was nice, but then TK actually put it on and the perfume mixed with his sweat and natural musk throughout the day absolutely drove Carlos wild! I bet Carlos could not keep his hands off of TK and constantly had his face in his boyfriend's neck the first day he wore that perfume, and TK finally caught on after a while and was all smug and like "Oh, do you like the way I smell, babe 😏?" And Carlos is like, "you have no idea." And then took him into the bedroom soon after and had his way with him. And I think an even bigger turn on for Carlos was when his own scent started to cling on and blend with TK's 🫠 It was physical proof and that primal feeling of, "This MAN is mine and I have claimed him with my scent and we smell like each other." Ahhh, you're making me lose my mind thinking about all of this 😂

THANK YOU for this nice ask, Mar and at least it's the weekend when I'm now answering this 🤣 I hope you have a fantastic weekend too❤️

[kseniyache]

41. Plance

Also, I missed you! 😭💖🥰

Hi!

Thank you so much! I thought that nobody actually noticed my disappearance. But I'm glad I was wrong. Thanks for your request — you unblocked my love for fanfiction and Voltron ships. Plance was one of my fav. Always will be. My sweet children. Here a piece for your request — a human AU.

“Do you know who I saw today?” Shay got down to business without preamble.

She came at Hunk’s work place for literally fifteen minutes to drink coffee and run away further.

“Who?” Hunk lovingly slipped Shay new profiteroles and listened with half an ear.

“Pidge and Lance!”

“So what?” Hunk shrugged his shoulders. “They hang out together all the time.”

“Oh, no, it was different.”

“Why?” Hunk didn't understand. “They're friends. We often hang with them too.”

“Yeah, but I'm afraid they wouldn't be happy to see us today,” Shay chuckled, hiding her smile behind a cup of coffee.

“Why not?”

Shay leaned over and beckoned Hunk to her, and then in a whisper, as if it was the greatest secret, said, “They were kissing.”

“Pidge and Lance?” Hunk's eyes widened. “It can't be! They're… they're…”

“Friends. I know. But, apparently, friendship has reached a new level. It’s amazing! We can go on double dates.”

“But we're-” Hunk began, but stopped, trying to remember if there was anything strange in Pidge and Lance’s behavior, but nothing came to mind. “I just can’t believe it.”

“I knew,” Shay shrugged and put a new profiterole in her mouth. “Sooner or later something had to change between them.”

“But they're friends! It violates every meaning of friendship! If we follow this logic, then Lance could kiss Keith, and Keith could kiss Shiro. We are all friends, one big company.”

“Honey,” Shay covered Hunk's hand with her own, “calm down. You just didn't notice, but I saw how Lance looks at her, and how Pidge reacts to him.”

Hunk was not fully convinced, but he trusted his girlfriend in amorous matters. Maybe he just didn't notice…

Literally that same evening, Hunk made sure that Shay was right.

The coffee shop was getting ready to close, Hunk turned off the main light and was putting things in order in the room when he was attracted by movement outside the window. It was raining. Suddenly under the streetlamp, which was located just next to the entrance to the coffee shop, a couple stopped. They kissed passionately under the umbrella. The girl was petite, and she had to reach out to her boyfriend, who leaned towards her, pressing her with one hand and holding the umbrella firmly with the other.

Hunk chuckled and turned away when recognition suddenly shot through him like an electric current. He turned to the window again. The kissers were still there, they didn't break away from each other. Hunk took a few quiet steps toward the door. The couple couldn't see him, but he could make out their faces perfectly in the light of the lantern. “Oh. My. God! It's Lance and… and Pidge!”

Then Lance broke away from Pidge's lips, they laughed at something and went their way hand in hand, leaving Hunk alone to digest what he saw.

[sungbeam]

alright- because this is way awake me- I didn't read back my tags until today- i wasn't speaking properly in those tags (i said sleeping instead of reading... and other messy tags)- I def didn't convey half of what I wished to- (esp because we're limited to thirty tags...) anyways! scooby doo brains unite hehe~ it was an absolute fever dream to read this at 3-4am- (esp when I knew I was gonna help a friend move but once I start sth *esp a fic this good* I must finish it-) It was worth every second of missed sleep- The emotions were so powerful 😭💖 and I felt them to the nth degree- Omg?!? You wrote it without knowing the ending!? I love that sm- because that ending!? Was beyond what words can express- You tied up every end- And omg!? I was looking for the word foil- and god- I loved the use of it- You're so right the slow burn was def burning that midnight oil at midnight creek!!! 😭😭 Omg?!?! You imagine fics as movies too omg!? Heck yeah 😭 The parallel between the sisters!!! Omg it was one of my favorite little bits- You may have not realized it- but it was just so goooodddd- I was hoping for a brutal fight sequence with Bonnie- and you provided all that and more! I was sincerely left with my jaw dropped it was so good- (what I was trying to express was how it felt fated that after yn named it clyde- he jokingly named his bonnie and once he saved yn from mika- he called it bonnie again. It was as if their relationship was fated for it to happen the moment after the reader named clyde- because bonnie and clyde were together til the end/no matter what- if that makes more sense?) No it's not strange that you liked writing it- it was beyond amazing- i'm so glad you enjoyed writing it 😭💖 because for me as a reader it was clear how much love and thought was put into this fic- I lllloooovveeed that scene- (I def couldn't express it that night and meant to fix my tags but my sleepy brain said *post*)- I loved the other two fics in this series- and I just- even thinking back into the story I'm just so content- it was my everything- (ngl this makes me want to read it all over again). (I wish for you to know that I keep thinking about that little ring and it means sm- I wish I had gotten to talk about the disgrace bit because it was brutal yet a deeper dive into his backstory and I loved it- there's just sm to say about this brilliant fic but I'll stop here). anyways thank you again for writing that lovely "movie" 🥺💖

omg no cuz why do we always stay up when we know we have to get up to do something the next day 😭😭 scooby doo brain fever or sumn @@ PLS honestly if u read half of what i spout out after reading long fics, u wouldn't even understand what im trying to convey 😭

RAAAH I APPRECIATE THAT 😭😭 no cuz i kinda wrote the confession part separately but it was supposed to be closer to the middle?? BUT that was when i planned for the fic to be waaay longer 🤧 the end really was made up on the fly skfbeknfnf so im glad it all wrapped up nicely for u, that puts my mind at ease 😅 i figured there'd be some questions lol

omg i just realized i put midnight creek instead of moonstone creek 😭😭😭 my own fic and i can't even remember akfndknfkd BUT YES I IMAGINE LIKE EVERY FIC AS A MOVIE :'))) it's just so much fun to see how it progresses and to imagine like music and camera angles lol and when the fic is written well, the scenes just flow sooo nicely together yk?

no omg the bonnie and clyde thing def makes sense !!! i didn't know if doing that pairing would be cheesy or not but i think it fits w them well, and im glad u agree :'))) AHHH YEAH im so glad u thought so, this was my passion project, like truly. idt i'll ever be able to write sumn like this ever again and that low-key makes me sad TT

the disgrace part has so much behind it, like i put it into the beginning without quite knowing where it would lead, but now i have a better idea of his back story that i hope to write out some time !! im so glad the little ring part is sticking with u; it makes me so emo thinking abt it 😭

THANK U AGAIN SM FOR READING AND FOR UR THOUGHTS !!! 💖💖 much, MUCH love <3

[giantkillerjack]

Hi there, I just wanted to stop by to say thank you for making your recent post about ‘getting dependent on mobility aids’ — I was tempted to comment on the post itself, but since replies have been shut off (which I’m assuming is because people were missing the point?), I figured anonymity would make it easier for me to share this😅 I think it’s important that you know it’s helping not only able bodied people look at it from a different perspective, but other ‘disabled’ people as well.

I’m 23, and have a whole host of health conditions, only a handful of which have actually been diagnosed, the others are still a mystery, and struggle a lot with feeling guilty about taking up space in the community, and the fact that I’m considering getting a mobility aid, because of all of those same reasons people around me have been telling me since I got sick. Reading this post helps make me feel a little bit better about the whole thing, and I just want to thank you for that❤️

— 🥀✨ Anon

[Anon is referring to this satire post I made]

Hey, this is the sweetest most rewarding goddamn message, and I'm incredibly grateful to you for it!! 💖💖💖💖

Also, it validates that everything I write about disability is ultimately written with the hope of making disabled people's lives better, and comments like this mean I am making worthwhile writing/art!!!

Also,

I want to make one thing very very clear:

There IS space for you here.

Obviously I don't speak for the entire disabled community, but I know I am not the only one who sees someone struggling to accept a disabled identity and has the thought, "Hey. Impostor syndrome is basically universal in the newly-disabled. Dont sweat it. You are welcome here."

So... You are welcome here. Says who? Says me. You are allowed to take up space in this community. You have more than permission, you have an invitation. You never needed one to take pride in your identity, but you have it now, in case that helps.

(Learning to undo our own internalized ableism is literally a lifelong process, but it is a worthwhile one.)

The best chances we have at survival and at thriving are by holding onto each other like a goddamn gundam made of cripples and neurodivergents, with no one being left behind.

Therefore, your presence (if you are respectful and kind, which seem to be your vibe) actually ADDS to our collective strength, rather than taking from it.

The actual "limited resources" that we're told disabled people must compete over are a result of systems that enforce a false idea of scarcity and trap us in isolation, poverty, and sickness.

Often, disabled people are the primary lifeline to other disabled people, actually. In my own personal experience (as disability is a huge category and no experience is universal among us except ableism), I've seen VERY little IRL competition among disabled people, but many instances of disabled people working together to demand a better conditions, plus countless instances of disabled people taking care of each other in everyday life.

The "prove you are disabled beyond a shadow of a doubt" mentality also supports these deadly ableist systems because it allows those in power to deny aid to those who cannot meet a ludicrously high burden of proof.

- Fuck that. Fuck that. I believe you. You have a condition that limits your ability? You can't do one or more vital tasks without constant pain?? That's a disability. You're disabled. And there's room for you to sit with us. Welcome.

I know that some people have internalized ableism, and occasionally this community does deal with the issue of gatekeeping. But I really believe those people are a vocal minority of the community as a whole - Most of us are just glad to have another comrade and co-conspirator!

There IS enough for all of us, and historically the only way these systems have actually changed is through a whole lot of disabled people banding together and helping to keep each other alive in the meantime.

And it's okay if what you need to do is just focus on keeping yourself alive. Like I said, you're a vital member of the team now, and the core of disability advocacy is someone should never be left behind. - It is morally and socially right for you to take care of yourself both on a collective and individual level, and that includes experimenting with mobility aids!

BUT ALSO - and this is VITAL - even if you go your WHOLE LIFE using more resources than you are able to provide, even if you can "only" contribute the extensive labor of keeping yourself alive for your entire life, you'd still DESERVE COMFORT, RESPECT, ACCOMMODATION, AND CARE. You would still be a valued part of this team because people who need a lot of help are not "drains", they are ENTIRE PEOPLE.

YOU are an entire person!

And if we as disabled people only measure value by how much a person can DO, then we become no better than the ableist systems that terrorize our lives whether we have accepted disability as an identity or not!

You are worth the effort of caring for you because you are ALIVE and a PERSON.

And while I don't believe in laziness as a concept, this would include you even if you were "lazy". Even if you were mean. I probably wouldn't want to invite a mean person to stuff - but like I said, you don't need an invitation to be in this community. You don't need permission to care for yourself or to have the rights of a full person!

Sacrifice for no reason is just self-harm!

You deserve accommodation because it is a HUMAN RIGHT to reduce pain and improve your quality of life without hurting anyone!!! You are wanted here even if you cannot fight or advocate or produce!!! It is not selfish to care for yourself with the tenderness you would show to a little puppy in pain! Or if it is, then maybe selfishness can be beautiful sometimes! - That is the core tenet of cripple punk and of disability liberation. ALL of us matter. Period. End of sentence. Full stop.

... All this to say, I think getting a mobility aid is a great idea!! And it makes me so so happy to rep how amazing it is to have the accommodations you need!

Just yesterday, I went out with my new rollator for the first time (now that I finally live somewhere without stairs!), and I felt so happy and free that even though I just went to a grocery store pharmacy, I had the BEST TIME. I can't run on my own, but with the rollator? I can really move!! I was beaming the whole time!

I even crossed paths with an older woman in my building who was complaining about how embarrassing it was to be the only person with the walker on the floor, and the way that her expression changed when she saw me and when I said how happy I was to have my new walker is something that will stick with me forever! (Her aid worker actually hugged me - it was a magical pharmacy trip, y'all - and my joints feel AMAZING getting exercise I couldn't do without the walker!)

For years now, every time I stand or walk somewhere, being upright has been a matter of calculating how much pain I can take before it is unbearable - mapping out stoops to sit on, places on the ground less likely to be wet from rain, store floors to collapse on - but with my rollator (which I have named Blue Gator the Rollator)??? I SIT THE SECOND I NEED TO, AND WITH THIS POWER I WALKED FURTHER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS.

It brings me immense joy to let people know how important that is, how important their comfort is. To get people to question how much pain and isolation must actually be cultivated and sacrificed on the altar of "move like an abled person"!!

What a badass act of rebellion to say "fuck you I'm getting that goddamn cane and I might get a walker while I'm at it!!!", "fuck you I don't deserve to be in unnecessary pain!!!", "fuck you i don't deserve to be doing constant damage to my joints and nervous system by standing in pain all the time!!!"

Plus, I keep a water bottle and a folding cane (and a phone charger and a notebook) in the little pouch under the rollator seat! (and this time I actually read the safety manual, which everyone should do!)

Okay this got really long (and at some point half the draft got deleted and had to be re-written from memory), but tbh I'm not sorry. I don't know you, but I'm terribly proud of you. Like, the pride fills my chest with warm expanding light when i think of someone coming closer to getting the things they need to thrive.

I hope you get all the accommodations you need and then some more on top of that! You deserve less pain! You deserve to take up space! You deserve to sit with us if you want to! Welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome. ❤

P.S. I actually didn't get any nasty replies to the post itself - I had to change the reply settings on my account because of an unrelated post in which I criticized the queerbaiting in a popular piece of media, and thus was suffering a Deluge of people sliding into the replies to defend the queerbaiting like they were Sherlock/Supernatural fans in the year 2010. 😅 but I am very happy you reached out anyway!!! Thank you again! You made my day!! 🥰🥰🥰

[idlingworship]

I'm Huh Jihye, a member of FUTURE/FEMME, singer-songwriter, producer, and a fan of pineapple on pizza. Ask me anything!

Hi, Reddit!

I'm Huh Jihye, a member of K-pop group FUTURE/FEMME under Culture Creative. We just made our comeback with 'Kitsch', and I'll be here to answer a few of your questions about what it's like to be a member of FUTURE/FEMME and about K-pop!

How do you keep your head high? Idols often have to deal with lots of criticism, and I can't imagine it's easy dealing with that day in and day out.

good question! i'm extremely lucky to have wonderful people around me, such as my group members, that act as my support system. i don't get hurt easily, so i like to see if it's constructive, then i'll take the criticism and work on myself. if not, then i don't care! if i'm secure in myself and believe i'm the best version of me, then it doesn't matter what others think of me. it only matters what i think of me! you're you, and i'm me!

jihye girl i love u!!! i'm such a big fan of f/f!!! can you share more about 'kitsch' and how you came up with the song? love u miss producer huh x

thank you! i feel like when i was creating it, i wanted it to be really representative of what future/femme's whole message & what we stand for, so a very carefree, youthful, 'i don't care' vibe! there are lots of references to social media platforms and what it's probably like to just be existing in the now as a gen-z. i wanted everyone who listened to be able to feel like they're a cheerful, confident main character in a high-teen movie with no worries! if you're walking down the street and listening to kitsch, you really have to become the main character!

What does a typical day for FUTURE/FEMME look like?

there really is no one typical day! even if we're preparing for a comeback, we all have different schedules and things to work on outside of it, and come together for practice after. for me, it's working in the studio 24/7!

what's your birth time queen

i'll never reveal this.

what's your favourite song you've ever written?

this is so hard to answer... but i have a special soft spot for love u twice! it's sooo personal to me, and so many of you guys have said you relate to it which makes it extra special!💖 i find it so wonderful when you make my songs yours :) it's why i also love good parts, because i want to encourage self-love!

what's your favourite taylor swift era?

off the top of my head, midnights!

what's a song you like to listen to to get your energy up?

antifragile!

top 3 must-haves in your bag? and a tmi!

probably... my phone! that's really a must-have! my headphones, and chocolate! for my tmi, i stayed up til 5am yesterday/today!

[sliding $20 note] any new music in the works...

;) forever n always

your favourite lyric you've ever written, and why?

omggg so many. probably: the bridge of impurities, 'power stronger in adversity, i'm not afraid of the overwhelming shadow, i'll have it all what i desire' good parts' 'i don't wanna blame my weakness, i'll love myself the way i am'! polaroid's entire verse 2. that's it that's the tweet

what's something you'd like to say to you 5 years ago, and you 5 years in the future?

keep going because you'll be glad you did! i hope the 26-year-old jihye will be happy, too.

thanks for all your questions & support, reddit! this has been so much fun, but unfortunately, this is all the time i have. please give lots of support to future/femme's latest comeback, 'kitsch'! 💖

[neonvvaves]

[ ✉ : 𝙨𝙚𝙤𝙠𝙢𝙞𝙣 ]

from kaye / @amoreemioo ────── ─ pre-reveal .

[ ✉ unsent : ] ─   would  you  be  open  to  sharing  a  mailing  address?  if  not,  that's  totally  ok!!! 🙂🙂 i  was  just  thinking  of  sending  you  care  packages  or  even  like  handwritten  letters  or  something  like  that [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   i'm  rly  glad  i  fucked  up  w/  trying  to  unalive  myself.  so  that  i  could  meet  you. [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   SAMMMMMM! 💗💞💖!💕💗!!!💗!!!! i  miss  youlots  and  lot  s  ! 😭😭💕  ii  usually  dont  g  et  drunk  but  i  yad  a  loTTTT  of  whisjey  WOW!  !!  hehe  kept  telliing  my  team  about  howe  i  have  lik  the  bestest  🥰🥰 cutest  funniest  s  exiest 😉💞🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 bf  everr  !!!b!!!nn  ! 💞💕🥰💖💗❣️💕🥰🥰 [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   i  know  that  we're  only  a  yr�� into  our  r/s,  we're  young,  etc  etc.  but  i'll  be  real─  i  never  cared  about  getting  married.  or  even  dating.  or  love.  but  that  was  before  i  met  you.  the  future  used  to  scare  me,  but  now,  i'm  excited  for  it.  thinking  about  /our/  future  together.  like  maybe  we  can  go  to  korea  someday?  still  never  been  in  my  life.  if  i  go,  i  want  it  to  be  with  you. i love you, sam 💗💗

────── ─ post-reveal .

[ ✉ unsent : ] ─   if  we  weren't  working  on  this  shoot  together,  would  you  have  told  me  the  truth?  or  is  it  only  bc  we  met  inperson? [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   it's  my  sh scars,  right?  like.  that's  ok.  i  get  it.  trust  me,  i  don't  like  looking  at  myself  either. [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   i'm  not  mad  at  you.  or  disappointed,  resentful,  anything  like  that.  after  thinking  about  it  for  a  while,  i  understand  why  you  did  what  you  did.  i  just..........  idk.  is  something  wrong  w/  me?  am  i  wrong?  shouldn't  i  be  fucking  ecstatic  that  we  see  each  other  almost  everyday  now?  i've  thought  so  long  about  all  the  dates  i'd  wanna  take  you  on,  esp  since  we're  here  in  LA  together.  maybe  i'm  scared  that  you'll  look  back  on  our  relationship,  and  feel  like  you  wasted  your  time  w/  me.  maybe  i'm  even  /more/  scared  of  how  you  /won't/  tell  me  that.  are  you  happy  with  me  now?  are  there  other  secrets  too? [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   paniic  attack  s  too  man y  wouldn't  stop.  finall  y  gave  in  and  drank  a  lllllotlMAO  somy  hear  t  woulldnt  beat  out  of  my  chst  lol  mmaybe  i  shiuld  get  some  xan  ny  f  rom  nmy  friwnd . sou nds good rihgt? u get kittyfiish pics fr oM urbestf riend and i get drrug ss s sSs s 4rm mine 🌟🌟😎 [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   is  it  bc  of  the  sex  that  you  kept  me  around? [ ✉ unsent : ] ─   i'm  scared.  you.......  you're  everything  to  me.  idk  if  i'll  ever  be  able  to  fully  express  how  much  you  matter  to  me,  how  i'm  so  fucking  in  love  with  you.  but  did  i  ever  really  even  have  you?  i  guess  not.  what  reason  would  there  be  for  you  to  stay.  you'll  find  someone  better.  hotter.  probably  famous.  or  at  least  someone  who  enjoys  the  spotlight,  wants  to  be  seen  by  the  world.  and.....  that's  okay.  you  deserve  to  be  happy,  loved.  even  if  it's  not  me  who  gets  to  be  with  you.  i'm  sorry.  i  love  you.  i  always  will.

[zepskies]

Girl you're not the only one to barely survive hurricane April! lmao But I hope your boys are feeling better! Thank you so much for making the time to do this. 💜💜💜

And do you know what, I've been feeling kind of off and not really happy about my own writing lately, so that's actually amazing for me to hear right now for this little installment of ESC. Coming from one of the writers I admire most around here, I really appreciate you saying that, friend!! 🥹💓💓

(Also: Is it just me or why does SB look even hotter in Gen V? Never mind, ADHD brain is swerving off 😆)

You're not wrong!! When I was watching Gen V I had to ask myself, "did he get even hotter? Is that humanly possible?" 🫠🫠🫠

(Also the fact that he ad-libbed so many of the lines in this scene still makes me cackle and blush 😂)

And I loved the banter and cuteness in the supermarket! Also, so accurate he'd throw everything in the cart. I legit hate taking my husband grocery shopping with me because of this exact problem 😂

LOL he's one of those, is he? It sounds to me like your hubs is a lot like Russell -- adorkable but better left at home around food ���

His Dean is showing 😝

Oh definitely lmfao. Russell has a lot of Deanisms already, but the foodie thing I think is peak Dean Behavior.

And it might be random or me reading too much into it, but I loved lines like that and those parts of domesticity because it truly shows Russell finally had a home and something close to a normal life for the first time, and that just does something to me 😭❤️‍🩹

I really love you for this comment because that's exactly what I was getting at. 😭 It can be read as a throwaway line, but really it's about how comfortable they are together at this stage, and how much Russ has gotten used to having home-cooked meals and "special sauce" she makes for him special. 😂💖

I probably sobbed too much while reading this over the smallest shit lol. Something about your writing and the way you tell stories really makes me think about life and emotions, I guess. Stop doing that lmao!!!

ahaha honestly I love it!! 💞 I'm a romantic sap in more than just the romcom sense, I guess. Doesn't matter if it's the fantasy SPN setting, LOTR, or the grounded realism in Tracker, I feel like writing stories is all about the relationships, the internal struggle, the connections we can make to real life, and how good stories can move you for that reason. I know we're "just writing fanfic" around here, but that's just how I look at storytelling in general. 🥹

But you know what, just spray me with water like a feral cat so I stop trying to tug at your heartstrings! lolll 😝 (sorryyyyyy)

Ooof, here we go! And honestly, I can so understand both sides of that argument. Plus, on Russell's side, there always seems to be that sense of shame about his past and desire to pretend he's normal, which is totally understandable but so heartbreaking as well that he can't even fully open up to the woman he's been loving and living with for a year now. Rips my heart apart 😭

Ooooh yeah, here we fucking go with the angst train. 😅 I'm so glad you see both sides, since we agree that that aspect makes for the best arguments! 👏🏽 I also think as writer's we're more used to playing devil's advocate for our characters lol. We can and should be able to argue either side, even if we don't wholly agree with either one's points. 🥲

And with Russell here I'm glad you agree, because how emotionally repressed has this guy got to be after the life he's led? I didn't feel like it was too much of a stretch for him to still be struggling with this, even a year into their relationship. 💙💙

Same HC, my friend 😂👌

lolll right? If this guy can help himself to the groceries in a stranger's home, he's serious about food. 🤣

Loved how you worked this in! That story from the books stuck with me a lot too! All the "never" rules, the weird milestones... Really feel for those kids, but especially Russell and Colter 🥲💔 (The few times you think John Winchester was actually more humane and reasonable 🙈)

Michelle gave me some amazing and detailed notes on the family history bits of these books, and it both intrigued me and broke my heart for Russ and Colter especially. 😭 Ooh but I need to know more about the "never rules." Would make sense since the first book is called The Never Game lol

(Ughhhh totally! I think Ashton might edge out John on this one, and that's a tough feat. 🫠)

And again, so understandable he doesn't want to be pitied and in a way just move on with his life without constantly thinking about the dark spots. And, on the other hand, completely makes sense reader wants to *know* him on that soul-deep level, especially since she loves him and clearly plans on spending the rest of her life with him. Such a hard situation for everyone involved 🥺 Like we always say: Only a good argument when you can understand both sides 😅 And you executed this entire scene perfectly 🫶

Yess exactly! He's spent, what, 20ish years pushing all that shit down? The last thing he wants to do is dredge it all up now when he thinks he's moved past it all. But at the same time, he can't fault her for wanting to know him on that "soul-deep level," as you put it so perfectly. They're both thinking that each other is The One at this point. It's just a matter of getting through this state of limbo the reader feels like they're stuck in. Russell's finally figuring that out too as he starts to see where she's coming from. 🥲💕

Haha yes!! I'm so glad you think so because despite all the angst, I really had fun on turning what should be a basic domestic little scene of putting groceries away into a full on drama. 😅

I still love you for this 😂🩵🩵🩵

Lollll had to shoutout the Classified Files! I'm still very much looking forward to reading that prequel to TES, especially because I know you put in so much research into that. 👏🏽 We really be out here making mini novels in fanfic form 🤣🤣

Another line that hits so fucking deep 😭

Oof yeah. Idk if you've seen Yellowstone, but Kayce Dutton is a big inspo for informing me on how to write Russell in BP. He was a soldier as well, highly decorated if I remember right. He struggles like Russ (and Dean) struggles with this idea of being a good man for his wife and son, but also a trained killer. Kayce also had a line in season 2 that was like, "People don't tell war stories anymore," because they're too fucking brutal to tell.

But I genuinely loved how you balanced all the angst and heartbreak with humor. I was still crying when I snorted at this exchange 😂😂

ahaha I'm nowhere as witty as you, but I try my best to strike that balance on the heavy stuff with a little cheekiness! 😂😂 The "nuh-uh" was probably my favorite for the reader. She's fed UP for real 🤣

Again, you're really punching deep with this whole story. And maybe it's me being too attached to Russell after reading the books as well and really knowing all their pain, but you're really hitting the nail on the head with all his thoughts and his true essence 😭💙

Oh thank you!!! 💜💜 Even though I haven't read the books (yet lol), I was trying to imagine what kind of mentality Russell has been shaped into through the military for him not to be able to give it up entirely through the contract work. He's trying to figure out how to fully become his own man, without revealing the stuff he's not proud of in his past 🥲

Yup, and that's a whole other story, too. There's his past on the one hand, but also how that childhood influenced the rest of his life. We already know from people like Charlie how hard it is for soldiers to return to civilian life, but I imagine it's even twice as hard for Russell because most soldiers still have a family to come home to. They still had that sense of normalcy like Christmases and birthdays, even family checking in over laggy Skype calls, you know? And Russell had none of that for two decades and even throughout his whole childhood. I don't even blame him for stalling because he literally doesn't know a different life – not in the slightest. Aaaaan I'm crying again... 😩

God YESSS. Once again you're outlining all the things I felt inherently about how I was writing him, but hadn't fully put into words, if that makes sense. 🤣 All he knew after he left "home" was the military. He never had that grounding aspect of a family to check in to, let alone a home outside of his work. His childhood trauma is really only the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately.

And now I'M crying toooooo 😭

I love all the Easter eggs in this 😂🐣 (And I believe the burgers and fries sweatpants might have been referring to Dean?)

LOL well it is Easter, after all! 😂 I love how you always find my little eggs. YES the sweatpants were Dean-inspired!! And what happened in this Nicaragua is going to be important later on, even after Part 2...

Because yes I'm already working on Part 3 of this! You and others inspired me to keep going and let the show be its own thing. 💕💕 I just bought book 3, The Final Twist, so I can dig a bit deeper into Colter and that part of the Family Secret with Ashton. I'm going to diverge even from the books on certain things though, so some plot twists might still surprise you! 😁

Wanna know what I did here? CRIED. That's what.

Girl same, and now it's my turn to use this gif--

Can't blame him honestly 😂 Even I saved that one in TCF for a almost a deathbed confession lol.

Right? lmaoo and while it wasn't on a deathbed, Russ did wait for his girl's near-death experience to finally give that piece up. 😭

Yup 💯 I don't know exactly why. It doesn't seem to be just age sometimes of why Colter always comes across as more detached and neutral about their whole childhood. As if in a way Colter is even grateful for it because it made him who is, whereas Russell seems to hate what it's done to him. A lot of that can probably be attributed to Russell having to leave the family behind as a result, and Colter never had to give up his mother or sister at least. But yeah, of course Russell's memories of a normal life were a lot stronger than his siblings. So heartbreaking all around 😭

I think your analysis is right on point. That's probably the biggest difference between Colter and Russell on how they see their childhoods. Russell was forced to leave his family, while Colter had it easier in multiple respects, even though he went through tough training too. He was younger, so he adapted to the "training" better than Russell and had more of a normal life by comparison.

He also became a loner in life more out of choice, whereas Russell, again, didn't really have a choice. So later on in Part 2 when he and Colter have that argument in the hospital, you really see even more of the divide on where each other stands regarding their dad.

Something you brought up in TES has been weighing on my mind too (and I'll eventually get into it here in BP), is the mom's position in all of this. She strikes me as very cold, and also hiding a hell of a lot regarding her husband, because how tf does a mother tell her son to leave, even if it is for the family's safety? Where's the safety for Russell? 🫠🫠

*snorts* He can be such a dork 🤣

lmfao he really is, but it also got me contemplating how the reader will react if he ever pulls that shit with Reenie in front of her. 🤣🤣

And I absolutely loved Dory in this part! She was so genuine and open with both Russell and reader. She's really walking that balance between brother and best friend well 💕 (Also love a good girls night with New Girl)

Dory is such a real one! 😭 She's doing her best here to be there for both of them, even if she can't be 100% honest with the reader yet. (Those giggly girl drunk girls nights are the best 😂😂)

Oooof and that ending! Glad I already read Part 2 because that damn cliffhanger killed me the first time around 😜 Again, friend, this was so amazing and you've really outdone yourself with this series!! You weaved all those little pieces together masterfully, and I can't wait to see what you have in store for them next. I absolutely wouldn't mind if it took a different direction from the show or books even. I fully accept your version as canon 💜💜💜

hahaaa it's a killer, ain't it? 😏 I get why cliffhangers make people so mad, but I know at least my writer friends appreciate them. They work! 🤣

I appreciate you so much, Wayne, thank you!! 🥹💕 I actually started working on the Part 3 outline yesterday. I'm going to pull from some stuff from Book 3, like I mentioned, but some stuff I think I'm going to take my own spin on and hopefully close this out in 3ish more chapters? We'll see!! 😆😆 But thank you again for your encouragement and support! Hopefully "this version of canon" can keep meeting your expectations! 💜💜💜

BREAKING POINT - Part 1

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Reader

Summary: Russell made you a promise, but “getting out” of government contract work is even more difficult than he thought it would be. Is he willing to put the past aside, or is this going to be your breaking point?

AN: Welcome back to the Every Second Counts-verse! After the cliffhanger in Bubbly, I know you guys have been wanting this next part of their story. Get ready for a rocky ride — in two parts! 😅 (Also thank you again for all the birthday wishes. You guys are the best. 🥹💜)

Special thanks to the lovely Michelle - @luci-in-trenchcoats - for giving me tons of Tracker spoilers from the books that helped me shape the idea for BP! Both Michelle and Wayne - @waynes-multiverse have been incredibly encouraging and supportive in this one. 💚

Song Inspo: “Come in From the Night” by Chicago

Posted on Patreon: 3/28/2025

Word Count: 6.8K

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, angst, secrets and lies of omission, hints of Russell’s shady past, 2x02 events, and a twist…

⌖ Series Masterlist

Part 1: One Step Ahead of the Past

You paused in the middle of the grocery store aisle when you heard the thump. Yet another item dropped into the shopping cart.

You turned your head from the display of buy-one-get-one coffee brands and rose a brow at your boyfriend, trying not to smile.

“Uh, no. I don’t think so,” you said, grabbing the box of Zebra Cakes out of the cart.

“Aw, come on,” Russell implored.

“Babe, Dory and I call these cancer cakes. And you know what, for a guy who somehow keeps in like, Super Soldier-level shape, you’ve got a mega sweet tooth for all things junk,” you teased, and then smiled hard when he snaked an arm around your waist to try and distract you. You knew what he was really aiming for.

“Super soldier, huh?” A smirk curved his lips. “We talkin’ Captain America or Schwarzenegger?”

You laughed and tried to wiggle out of his grip. He had you trapped against the handles of the cart. He sneakily clawed a hand for the cartoonish black and white box of treats, but you held it just out of reach.

“If we have these in the house, you know I’m gonna eat them too, and it’s all just going to go straight to my ass, stomach, and thighs,” you quipped.

Russell hummed a kiss into your neck.

“I got no issue with that.” He squeezed your hips. “Just makes you softer to tenderize.”

A hot blush lit up your face, especially when an older lady gave you two some side-eye as she passed by with her cart. You bit your lip to temper your embarrassed smile, but you still reached back to pinch Russell’s side in retaliation. He just laughed and dodged your hand, ultimately wrapping his arms tighter around your waist.

“It’s true,” he whispered lowly in your ear.

“Hmph, I’m sure,” you replied in amusement. 

Despite your better judgment, you tossed the Zebra Cakes back into the cart and kept it pushing, literally. Russell’s pleased grin had you almost rolling your eyes. Yes, he knew how to play you like a fiddle.

You grabbed a couple packages of Gevalia coffee and continued down the aisle, but you didn’t realize that your shadow had disappeared. Russell caught up to you after a little while, withdrawing a peach cobbler from behind his back. It was from the bakery section. Another goddamn dessert?! And how’d he get over there and back so fast?

“I know I might be pushing my luck, but what about this guy for tonight?” he asked. “At least it’s homemade, right?”

You chuckled. “Yeah, homemade. Right from the factory that delivered it to the grocery store.”

But you sighed and relented on that one too, waving a dismissive hand. Eh, it’s on sale. Pick your battles, I guess.

Russell took that as consent to place the cobbler carefully next to the carrots, broccoli, and asparagus. He was slightly mollified by the bag of potatoes.

“That’s a lot of rabbit food,” he remarked.

“Oh yeah, and it’s gonna go great with the steaks tonight,” you sweetly replied. You knew the only way you were going to get him to eat said broccoli was if he had a slab of meat to go with it. Again, pick your battles. Your man was many things, but health-conscious wasn’t exactly one of them. It surprised you, considering he’d spent most of his life in the military.

“Heeeeell, yeah. With the special sauce, right?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, with the special sauce,” you smirked.

And no, that wasn’t a euphemism.

Russell smiled, that one that crinkled the crow’s feet around his eyes. His hand fell to a comfortable place on the small of your back as he fell into step with you. It was his habit whenever you two went out together—a familiar hand on your hip, your waist, or brushing your hair back to massage the back of your neck. You liked the contact; the reminder that he was with you, and that he wanted to be.

But his touch fell away after you entered the cereal aisle. You did hear a short buzz, but you didn’t notice until you were almost at the end, halfway through asking if he wanted oatmeal or Fruit Loops. When you realized you were talking to empty air, you looked over your shoulder and saw Russell stopped in the middle of the aisle, staring down at his phone with knitted brows.

His attention was wholly on the screen, where a brief message held more weight than it should.

Are you in?

Russell kept digesting the words.  

“Russ?” you called to him, breaking him out of his reverie. “What’re you doing?”

Shit. He typed out a reply, and he sent it before he could think better of it. He pocketed his phone and caught up to you in a few of his long strides, his long hair bouncing along with him. His hand slipped around your waist and found purchase on a belt loop of your jeans. 

“So with our soon-to-be three course meal, what’cha thinking on a movie? Wanna watch Terminator again?” he proposed.

You rose a brow at three courses, but you skipped ahead to pushing back on said proposal. 

“God, no. We watched all six movies last weekend!” 

“Aw, come on, get to the choppah!” Russell invoked his best Arnold impression, prodding at your waist all the while. Never mind that the line was from Predator, not Terminator.

You flinched, and a giggle bubbled up in you on reflex as you swatted at his hand. You pushed the cart onward to the checkout counter. 

“All right, just the first one though,” you replied. “Then I want to watch Bridesmaids.”

He playfully groaned. “Gonna make me sit through another chick flick, huh?”

“Oh no. It’s hilarious,” you said with a snicker. “Though maybe it is better if we watch that one after dinner. There’s a scene with food poisoning from some sketchy-ass meat and…yeah. Anyway, you’ll like it, baby. I promise.”

Russell gave you an indulgent smile, but inside, he hid a guilty twinge. 

“What was your favorite thing to eat growing up?” you asked.

Russell was helping you unpack the groceries in the kitchen in a familiar routine. He’d been living with you for almost a year now, and still, little questions like this sometimes helped you get a window into the man.

Key word being sometimes, because even now, he considered your question with more uncertainty than it should warrant.

"You mean, uh, on the compound?" he asked.

"Sure." You'd take any brief spotlight into his childhood.

“Uh…kind hard to answer that one. We mostly ate whatever wild game we could catch,” he admitted. “A lot of rabbit. Which honestly wasn’t my favorite, but I learned to like it.”

He soon abandoned that thought to take out the peach cobbler from a grocery bag with a devilish cackle. You knew by the boyish look on his face that he’d be cutting at least two generous slices out of that one later.

“Maybe that explains why you’re such a foodie,” you wondered aloud. Because your man didn’t just like food. He was borderline obsessed with trying new spots with you, whether it was an upscale restaurant on the bougiest part of downtown, or a sketchy taco truck on the side of the freeway.

“Could be,” he acknowledged with a chuckle.

“What was it like having to hunt for your own food?” you asked. You’d studied history and ancient civilizations for both of your doctoral degrees, let alone your experience as a professor at Wyoming University, but studying hunter-gatherer communities was much different from having to learn how to survive for your next meal.

Russell set down the cobbler on the counter. He took advantage of the task of grabbing the vegetables next, handing them off to you so you could sort them the way you liked in the refrigerator.

“Wasn’t easy,” he said, “My dad was a taskmaster. And that wasn’t just about skinning rabbits and squirrels.”

You grimaced. “Squirrels too?!”

Russell nodded.

“We had these milestones…” he trailed, as the memory reappeared in his mind. “Heh. I remember being woken up and dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. Dad had me scale a cliff in almost pitch blackness. Couldn’t see the ground below me, could barely see a few inches above me. Was the day I turned thirteen years old.”

You paused what you were doing to meet his gaze. Jesus. Happy fucking Birthday, you thought, both in sarcasm and incredulous dismay.

Russell sighed and shook his head. He continued balling up empty grocery bags.

“That. That look right there,” he said, pointing at your face. “That’s why I don’t talk about this shit.”

You quickly recovered yourself and shut the fridge.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” You turned to him and laid a hand on his forearm, sliding down to slip your hand into his. “I’ve given you the deep cuts, right? And my brother has no problem spilling all about my awkward teenage angst, and basically every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done since I was two. But with you, there’s still so much I don’t know, Russ. Not just about how you grew up, but about your life since then.”

Russell brushed his thumb over the back of your hand, but all he could really give you was a quirk of his lips.

“That’s classified,” he said, only somewhat joking.

“Look, I get that. I know there’s a lot you can’t tell me,” you said, “but give me the broad strokes, okay? Besides Doug, who have been the important people in your life? Where were you stationed? How many countries have you seen?”

Russell let out a deep breath. None of your questions had easy answers. He knew he needed to give you something, even if it was just broad strokes. But…he just couldn’t bring himself to look back anymore. There was too much tied to things he couldn’t, shouldn’t tell you. Mostly it was for your own safety, but selfishly, there were also things he didn’t want to let loose. If he did, maybe it would change the way you looked at him with those soft, loving eyes. 

“Look, maybe that’s not something we should get into tonight,” he said. 

 Your expression shifted into disappointment. You seemed to be making that face a lot lately, whenever he told you about another job out of town, whenever he didn't come home when he initially said he would, whenever he closed up on you.

But this time, you closed up on him.

“You know what, it’s been a long day. I think I’m feeling too tired to cook,” you said. You tossed the wad of empty grocery bags under the kitchen sink and passed by him on your way out of the room, and over to the bedroom.

Russell blinked in confusion. 

“Well, wait, what’re we gonna eat then?” he called after you.

“I don’t know. Make yourself a sandwich,” you said, just before he heard the door shut.

The loud thud made him sigh through his nose. He surveyed the ingredients you’d intended to cook with strewn across the kitchen counter and rubbed a hand over his bearded face. 

“Shoulda saved that conversation for after dinner,” he mused.

You and Russell were still at odds as you got ready for bed that night. After what happened in the kitchen, you cooled off for a bit. You did end up making the steaks and watching Terminator with him, but afterward, you went back to the bedroom to read by yourself, leaving him to watch old reruns of Seinfeld on TBS.

It was never really the same without you and your colorful commentary, or the way you often burrowed into his side and commandeered most of the couch. (He didn’t mind, long as he got to cop a feel every now and then.)

He could read you all too well though. He knew you were still mad at him.

He now eyed you in your silky negligée, which he thought you’d worn to bed on purpose just to torture him a little. It was the pretty purple one with lacy edges. He bought it for you while you two were on vacation in California a few months ago. 

Russell’s phone buzzing on his nightstand distracted him. He checked it before you had a chance to see what was on the screen. It was from his handler at Horizon, detailing a string of coordinates for his next gig—plus a ticket for his flight taking off in two days. Russell planned to tell you tomorrow after you cooled off a little more, though he knew it wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. 

He tried slipping into bed behind you and wrapping his arm around your waist, kissing your bare shoulder. He nosed past the thin strap of your nightgown and inhaled the pretty, floral scent of your soap…which he totally didn’t use himself.

“Nuh-uh,” you warned without even looking at him. It was a firm no on the touching, to which Russell exhaled and leaned back on his pillow, carding a hand through his hair. 

“Come on, baby. How long’re you gonna ice me out?”

“Until I actually know the man who’s in bed with me,” you snipped back testily.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Russell said. He drew back in and kissed the side of your head, rubbing a hand down your shoulder. “You already know the important bits.”

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” you dryly replied. It was a struggle not to give into his touch, but this wasn’t the first time you two had a conversation, verging on argument about these things.  

He knew it all too well.

Still, he hesitated. Like what? How I’ve spent a long time doing what I’m told, and not a lot of asking questions. Probably not as much as I should’ve.

He shook his head. “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen a lot of shit that would blow your hair back. But even though my growing up was…unconventional, to say the least, it’s made me good at what I do. Most importantly though…” He pressed another gentle, lingering kiss into your neck. “This is where I want to be. You’re the one I wanna move forward with.”

He felt you take a long breath. He hoped it meant that you were hearing him, that you were softening.

“How are you going to do that when you’re away on another job?” you asked. 

Russell paused. 

You moved away from his hold and sat up in bed. He followed suit as he noted the look on your face, tired and upset. His brows furrowed, despite the prickle of guilt bubbling under his skin.

“What’re you talking about?” he said.

“Don’t even try it. I saw the coordinates pop up on your phone just now!” you snapped, and you make a sound of frustration, rubbing your face with both hands. “You promised me, Russell. You promised you’d be done with contract work months ago now. So what is it? Is it that you need more money for your brewery?”

Russell swallowed. The truth was, he’d made the target goal on his business account months ago, but he’d also found one reason or another to accept the last few jobs out of town. There was pressure from Horizon to stay on. They didn’t want to lose a valuable “contractor,” after all. But it was also his own unwillingness to give up the feeling of knowing exactly what he was doing, what he had been trained to do, and secretly, the way his work kept him on the edge. 

That flip in the stomach that forced him to make decisions in the breadth of a second? 

Well, it was a hard feeling to give up, and an even harder life.  

He rubbed a hand over his face with a tired sigh.

“Look, it’s more complicated than that,” he said. 

“You know what, I don’t think it is,” you shot back. “I think you’re a lot like Charlie, except this—this kind of work is your fix.”

The accusation stung like a hot iron poker. Russell opened his mouth to sling back a retort, even though he knew your aim was deadly when you wanted it to be.

You just turned away from him and shut off the light. 

In the morning, Russell woke to your side of the bed being cold and empty. It made him feel hollow, shitty, after the events of last night reared back up in his mind. 

He lied there between the sheets and listened. He could hear your familiar movements in the kitchen. Letting out a deep breath, he forced himself out of bed. 

After brushing his teeth and raking a hand through his messy bedhead, he cautiously approached the kitchen. Russell lingered in the doorway just outside of view. He found himself watching you putter around in your little nightgown, fuzzy slippers, and frizzy hair. Your fingers got tangled in it while your free hand grabbed the eggs from the fridge, your hip propping the door open. 

You’d made a pot of coffee and even set out his mug for him, as was your habit. Your own mug laid half-empty on the counter. His mug was somewhat special, though not just because it currently had a spoon resting inside it, ready for his sugar and cream.

You bought it for him last time you blew half your paycheck at Marshals; a home goods store he could rarely drag you out of within an hour. That mug featured all the major condiments, including sriracha, which was what made you think of him. It matched the sweatpants you found for him, covered in cartoony fries and burgers. 

They might’ve been silly gifts, but he liked that. He liked that you thought of him in the little things that somehow added up into the big things. They reminded him that you’d given him a chance. You’d given him home cooked meals, and let him make you a few too. You’d watched virtually every popular ‘90s movie that had ever been made with him—or at least, every one you thought he’d might like. You had a list of the 2000s to tackle next. 

You were an encouraging sounding board for him, whether it was talking about what he’d serve on the menu of his future brewery, brainstorming names, or even looking up what paperwork he would need to get started. You’d also been helping him navigate his relationship with Dory, and your brother Charlie, and even Colter, whenever Russell’s still admittedly distant relationship with his brother came up.

Russell washed your car and took out the trash and washed the dishes whenever you cooked, but standing here right now, it finally clicked just how much you actually did for him. How much you cared, and put your actions behind the caring part. You’d given him a place to come home to after decades in the service, and years more on the road.

Hell, you were his home. You and his sister.

But now, he realized why you were so upset. You thought he had one foot off of the firm foundation you were trying to build with him. You thought he wasn’t wanting to fully commit here, to you, and to the things he claimed he wanted. You were struggling to understand him.

So Russell entered the kitchen officially, padding in on sock-covered feet until he could slip his arms around you from behind. You stiffened in his grasp and turned to look at him over your shoulder. 

“Russ,” you warned, but he shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “You were right.”

You paused, allowing the fridge to close. Slowly you turned in his arms. You bit your lower lip and granted him a dubious gaze. Still, he counted it as a win when you tentatively held him back, slipping your hands over his biceps for stability. 

“About what?” you rose a brow in challenge.

“I’m gonna start shopping around for real estate here in Laramie, but first, I’m gonna start making moves on the business proposal for the brewery. Would you mind looking it over for me?” he asked. 

Your head tilted as you considered what he was saying, as well as what he wasn’t saying.

“But aren’t you…leaving?” 

“I’m not taking that job,” Russell said. “I’m calling Horizon today, tell ‘em I’m retiring. For good this time.”

It took a while, but his words seeped into your mind and settled there on the ocean floor. Tears began to sting in your eyes, but you nodded and reached up on your toes for a sweet, lingering kiss. You stroked his cheeks and slipped your fingers through his hair when you hugged him. He held you back just as tightly. 

He knew he hadn’t given you everything you asked for, but this felt like a good start.

Russell expected the call at some point, but half an hour was a new record. It was a Saturday, and he made sure you were busy in the laundry room before he took the call in your brother’s old room—AKA: Russell’s office. 

Charlie had been out of rehab for a few months now, rooming with Manny, one of his old unit buddies. Your brother agreed to leave the family house to you though, since you’d always been the stable one who could actually take care of the mortgage and the general upkeep of the house. Russell joined Charlie and his friends for beers every so often, either at Charlie’s apartment, or a new bar close to downtown. 

They traded stories and friendly fire at one another, Russell from his side of the branch in Special Ops, to Charlie and his friends in the Air Force. Dave and Manny could be especially loud-mouthed when tequila was involved, but Russell welcomed the good-natured ribbing with a few good pot shots of his own (he was still a little proud of “glorified flight attendants”).  

Now though, Russell held the phone to his ear and greeted the man on the other line.

“Hey, man. What’s up?” 

“What’s up?” Adam intoned. “‘What’s up’ is that you’re leaving us high and dry, Russ. What’s that about?” 

“Look, you know this was never a permanent gig for me,” Russell replied, speaking quietly just in case you were close by. “It’s high time I took a break, settled down, you know?”

Adam snorted. “You don’t have a civilian fucking bone in your body, Russell.”

“Well, that’s nice. I appreciate the vote of confidence.”

“Look, you’re the best man I ever worked with. The best CO I ever had. You pulled my ass outta the fire more times than I’d care to admit,” Adam said, “but you remember that last tour?”

Russell sobered. “You know I do.”

“And you remember what I had to do to get us out of that mess. Out of Nicaragua.”

Not like you’d ever let me forget it, Russell thought. Though it was nothing he didn’t see behind his eyes when he went to sleep.

“But when I got this gig, and they asked me who I’d recruit, you’re the first guy I thought of,” Adam said. “Well, you and Dougie. He fucking quit on me too.” 

Russell was happy for Doug. He and his wife just had their first baby a few months ago. One chunky little boy. 

“Look,” Russell said. “I’m grateful for…everything, you know that. But this is just something I gotta do. I’ve got other responsibilities now.”

“Yeah. How is your girl, huh? Been wanting to grab a beer with you, maybe get to finally meet her.”

Russell’s lips twitched. He didn’t talk about you as a rule, not to anyone in Horizon. Aside from Doug, Adam was the only one on the payroll who knew Russell’s real name, let alone about you. This was supposed to be a secure line though. 

“She’s waiting on me, Adam. Can’t keep doin’ that to her,” Russell replied. 

After a while, Adam sighed. 

“All right, Russ. I hear ya. I’m fucked, but I hear ya.”

“You’ll be fine,” Russell smirked. “You’ll find someone young and fresh off the meat market.”

Adam scoffed. “Right. These kids. Half of ‘em anxiety ridden pussies or juvie fucking flunkies. Can’t hack even half the shit we went through in basic, let alone eight months in Baghdad.”

That led into familiar territory. Russell shot the shit with his old friend for a few more minutes before he finally let Adam go. The phone hung from Russell’s hand after, and he expelled a sigh. He felt a twinge of regret, like he was letting go of hell of a lot more. 

After he left home and enlisted, it didn’t just become his life. It became who he was. Both his body and his mind were shaped by the structure of the chain of command, the mission, the follow-through. Muscle-memory.

Putting that aside had been harder than he imagined. After all, what the hell was he, if not a soldier?

Russell wrestled with that question longer than he cared to admit. It even had him getting up from his desk to consult a glass of bourbon he kept on the bookshelf. 

…It’s for the best, he reasoned. 

Even now, Russell didn’t get to see his little sister as often as he liked. Their work kept them moving in different directions, her busy teaching schedule not often gelling well with his more unpredictable one. But today, a Tuesday, he was taking her to lunch between classes.

She stopped short in the doorway of her office.

“Oh! Damn, I forgot…”

She meant to invite you too, but when she took her cell phone out to call you and see if you were busy, Russell laid a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, she already knows I’m here,” he said. “But you and I are long overdue for some brother-sister time.”

Dory hesitated, but at his grin, she smiled back brightly and put her phone away. “Okay, then. Where do you want to go?”

He took her to a nearby café you told him about. It was one you and Dory frequented at least once a week, either for coffee and pastries, or for a nice protein bowl.

“Why is everything a damn bowl nowadays? They’re all just trying to be Chipotle,” Russell groused, but he ate his bowl of wild rice, steak, and arugula salad with just as much gusto as a carton of Chinese fried rice. He polished it off with a beer and tried to stifle his belch.

Dory rose a brow, but after a beat, she couldn’t hold in a laugh.

“Well, doesn’t seem to bother you that much,” she remarked. Her amusement slid into a teasing smirk. “Matter of fact, looks like you've been eating well since you started shacking up with my best friend.” 

Russell grinned around the lip of his beer. "What're you tryin' to say, D? You fat-shaming me right now?"

"Aw, I wouldn't go that far," she laughed. "You just look like you're settling in to this civillian thing."

Russell smirked. He couldn't argue with her. According to you, he was in super soldier shape. Still, he knew you were being a little too generous. He had softened around the pouch a little since he’d stopped moving around from motel to motel, no time to get comfortable, as he was now. His hard work was also looking different these days—sitting at his desk or on the couch with his laptop. He wasn't a complete sloth though; he still worked out on the regular.

“Gotta admit, she keeps me well-fed,” he said. Though there was no mistaking the glint in his eye, or the waggling of his brows. Dory snorted and shook her head. 

“Please, I don’t wanna hear about any of that. It’s bad enough I had to endure the beginning stages when you two couldn’t be in a room together without eye-fucking each other. Or sneaking off into a public restroom at our work Christmas party—to actually fuck each other.”

Russell spluttered a laugh into his beer, making a slosh of amber liquid run down his shirt. Dory smirked and handed him an extra napkin. He coughed and blotted out most of the stain himself, but gave her an accusatory look through his amusement. 

“You guys seem to be doing well though,” Dory said, her eyes softening along with her smile. “She told me that you finally quit Horizon.”

He rose a brow and set down the empty beer. “Finally?”

“Well, sorry, but she’s not the only one who worries about you, you know?” Dory grabbed her brother’s hand. “It’s been good to have you around this past year, getting to know you again. It feels like having a bit of home back.”

Russell smiled ruefully, squeezing her hand.

“Thought you didn’t like to think about all that.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” she admitted. Her head tilted in thought. “I remember, you used to sing to me whenever I couldn’t fall asleep.”

His mouth twitched, his eyes softening.

“Couldn’t blame you. That place made some weird-ass sounds at night,” he replied, though he sighed deeply through his nose. “You were just a kid.”

“So were you, Russ,” Dory reminded him. 

He held her gaze for as long as he could stand. Eventually, he lowered his eyes. He released her hand and went back to polishing off the flourless chocolate cake she’d ordered for dessert. 

“That night…you really recognized the man Dad was talking to?” Dory asked after a while.

Russell was a little surprised she was bringing that up, but he nodded slowly. 

“I did, but hell. That was twenty years ago.”

She bit her lip. “I still can’t believe Colter thought you…”

“That’s in the past too,” Russell said, his tone even more dismissive.

Hmm. Protesting a little too much, Dory thought.

“Did you ever tell her?” she asked.

They both knew who she meant. You.

“She knows the main bits, but you’re asking if I told her how our brother thought I killed Dad?” Russell scoffed. “No. Didn’t think that little footnote would go over well.”

Dory stared back at him with concern in her blue eyes. She didn’t like keeping things from you, even if it wasn’t her secret to tell. Unfortunately, her family had a lot of secrets.  

“It’s not worth getting into, D,” Russell said. “That, or any of it…though I don’t know. I don’t think Colter’s ready to let it go. He believes me now, but he wants to know who got to Dad, and why. He’s tenacious, I’ll give him that.”

Unlike Colter, it seemed, Russell had an image of his father that had lasted in his mind. It wasn’t a good one. 

Paranoid son of a bitch. 

Russell couldn’t really blame Colter though. He was young when they were taken to the compound. He probably didn’t remember his friends, the house, the way they lived before. 

Russell had been ten years old. He remembered being on the baseball team doing well as a pitcher, and having to lie to his coach and quit the team. Russell remembered saying goodbye to his best friend, Randy, who he never saw again. Russell remembered having to lock up his tears and help his mom take care of his younger siblings, and make sure they were settling into a musty old cabin in the middle of the woods. 

“I’ve tried looking into it before,” he admitted.

Dory’s brows raised. “When?” 

He waved a dismissive hand. “A long time ago, when I had government access to some things. Got a whole lot of nadda.”

“No good is going to come of it, and I told Colter the same thing,” Dory said, shaking her head. “Whatever happened, it’s better if we all just move on.”

She continued eating. After a beat of hesitation, Russell followed suit.  

A couple of weeks later, Russell felt like he’d made good progress. He narrowed down his search to three different spots in downtown that were up for leasing, though one of them was a bit too close to Howley’s for your comfort, which meant he really had two options. Both were walkable, but one had more parking availability, while the other was a better price for the amount of interior square footage. It was a lot to consider.

You’d given him the number of a good commercial realtor you knew, thanks to your boss, Dr. Goldstein. Looked like that stuffed suit was good for something, other than piling his work onto your plate so he could get his monthly back wax. 

You were still at work on a Thursday when Russell’s phone rang. He quirked a brow at the caller ID, but a grin tugged at his lips when he answered. 

“Well hey there, Ms. Greene.”

“Russell, where are you right now?”

“Chillin’ at home. Working through some stuff on my new business venture. Though if the next question’s ‘What am I wearing,’ I gotta remind you that I’m happily off the market,” he teased.

“And thank God for that,” Reenie dryly remarked. “Listen, I need your help. Actually, I think Colter needs you.”  

He detected the urgency in her voice now, and he sobered. 

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but I need you to find him. He’s been missing for over 24 hours.”

“Looks like I’m gonna be a little late for dinner,” Russell told you over the phone. "Uh, okay, maybe a lot late."

“What? It’s kind of hard to hear you. Do you have the top down on the Chevelle?”

“She’s a Chevelle Malibu, baby. Well, technically, Malibu for short—”

“Russell, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. Reenie called, and it looks like Colter might be in a hard spot. I just need to go help him out,” he replied. Really, he was fighting his worry as he pressed his foot a bit harder on the gas. The sleek Chevy flew down the highway at a speed that would make you hit his arm, if you were here. 

“Why does it sound like you’re giving me the kitty gloves version?” you asked him in suspicion. 

Russell smiled ruefully. This was why he loved you—for your mind. 

“Again, nothing to worry about. I’ll be home by the morning…probably.”

He heard your heavy sigh. 

“Okay, Russ. Just be careful, please.”

“Hey, you know me. I’m always careful.”

“Right,” you snorted. 

The curve of his lips kicked up into a grin. “I gotta let you go, but I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, okay…I love you.” 

His face softened a fraction. “Love you too, sweetheart.”

You hung up with your boyfriend and slipped your phone back in your purse. An undercurrent of worry churned in your stomach. You knew Russell was downplaying whatever was really going on. Reenie wouldn’t call him for help unless Colter was really in trouble, or else why wouldn’t she call the police? 

That rewardist work that Colter did, it had led him into some shady shit, according to Dory, like insidious cults, serial killers, and corrupt politicians. She talked to Colter now more than she used to, but even then, she knew he wasn’t giving her the whole story about most of his adventures. 

Must be a Shaw family trait, you thought sourly. 

With Dory on your mind, you decided to call her up and make tonight a girls’ night. You hung out at her apartment after work, splitting a bottle of wine and several orders of Mexican takeout while watching reruns of New Girl. 

“Where do you think they are right now?” Dory asked, for a moment sobering from laughing at Jess’s antics. 

You had your glass of wine poised to your lips in thought. “I don’t know, but I do know Russ wasn’t telling me the whole truth. I think Colter’s in trouble.”

Dory worried her lip. It clearly didn’t sit well with her that both of her brothers were MIA right now. You tried calling Russell earlier for a check-in, but his phone went straight to voicemail. Colter’s number didn’t even ring. It was just a dial tone, with a disembodied voice saying this number has been disconnected.

But there was nothing you two could do. Reenie had advised you to sit tight and wait for one of them to check in. 

“You know, I may not understand them sometimes, but it makes sense to me why they are the way they are,” she said. “They had it worse than me growing up, either because I was the youngest or because I was the only girl.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, though you had a feeling you knew where she was going with this. 

“I remember, Dad used to make them sleep outside sometimes. Somewhere in the middle of the damn woods, without supplies, without food,” Dory said. She actually began to tear up, her blue eyes turning pale and glassy. “I heard him and my mom arguing about it once. Finally he agreed to go out there and watch out for them—from a distance though, so they wouldn’t know he was there.”

You stared back at her in dismay. That hurt your heart so fucking deep. No wonder Russ didn’t want to open up about this shit. How can I blame him? How can a father…

You shook your head, resting a hand on her arm. 

“But why? Why did your dad do all this? Russell said he was paranoid, but…what was he running from?” you asked.

“We don’t know,” Dory admitted. After a moment, she looked over at you and held your gaze. “All that we did know, was that his death wasn’t an accident.”

That revelation shocked you. Your mouth parted, though no words escaped. 

Dory set down her wine and got up from the couch. Then, with a certain decision weighing in her eyes, she went over to her room. 

“D?” you questioned. “You’re just gonna drop a fucking bomb like that on me and walk away?!”

Not getting an answer, you rose to follow her, where you watched in bewilderment as she dug into the recesses of her closet until she found a plain white shoebox. It was just some old cardboard, frayed at the corners, but Dory hesitated to even open it. 

“What are you doing? What is that?” you asked.

“A few years back, a family friend gave this to me. Apparently it has some of my dad’s old stuff,” she said. “I’ve never wanted to go digging through it because I wanted to leave the past behind me. I think it’s been easier for me to say that, but not so easy for Colter and Russell.”

After a beat of hesitation, she handed the box over to you. 

“Would you give this to Russell when he gets back?” she asked. “He can do whatever he wants with it. Look inside, try to piece together what happened, or just burn it all. Either way, I’m done. As far as I’m concerned, my dad wasn’t really my dad after he took us to live in that place. And my mom…” She laughed humorlessly. “She was no saint either. She went along with everything my father did.”

You took the box from her with some concern. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Honestly, I don’t even like having it here. It’s just a…bad reminder.”

You rubbed a hand over her arm in comfort. "You guys never went to the police?"

Dory shook her head. "Mom didn't trust anyone, least of all the police. She probably thought it was safer for us."

"God, I'm sorry," you said. After a beat, you set down the box and pulled Dory into a hug. She rested her chin on your shoulder and squeezed her eyes tight for a second.

"It's okay," she said. "...It's in the past." 

Sure, you thought. But there were some scars that didn't fade, no matter how much you ignored them, banaged them, or tried to soothe them.

You took the box and left her apartment shortly after. She offered to let you stay the night so you wouldn’t be alone, but you declined. Russell installed a state-of-the-art security system in your house, making it feel like the safest place in the world to you. That was where you’d be able to sleep tonight, even with this mysterious old shoebox.  

The drive back was devoid of traffic this late at night, but after what happened with Eddie Mendez last year, you always felt uneasy driving alone at night. A good part of you was also still trying to digest all of this.

On one hand, you could understand Colter and Russell wanting to know what happened to their father. If Ashton was murdered, the reason could explain everything they went through growing up. 

With all of these thoughts rattling through your mind, you couldn’t even be completely relieved when you pulled into the driveway of your home. You walked into the house quickly, shut the door, and input the code to lock everything behind you.

Holding your purse on one shoulder and the box under your other arm, your first instinct was to find a good hiding place for it. You began to wonder if you should’ve accepted it from Dory at all. If her father’s death was no accident, then what was he killed for?

But…Dory had this thing in her closet for all this time without incident. Surely there was nothing diabolical about it. Ashton Shaw had been a professor too, right? It probably just held some keepsakes, a few old essays, some paperclips and 20-year-old dust bunnies…

You found a place in the house that a burglar would be unlikely to look for something valuable (again, really, what kind of burglar would want to steal a shoebox of old junk?), and you took a deep, calming breath in the middle of your living room. 

You still hadn’t been able to get in touch with Russell. All your texts had been going unanswered. You grabbed your phone and began to find Reenie in your contacts, but you paused. You were reminded of something you forgot to do when you walked in the door. 

Along with the coded door lock, there was an app on your phone where you could monitor the cameras strategically placed outside the house. However, when you checked the app, you realized that the camera feed said Unavailable. For every single camera. 

Your brows furrowed. That’s weird… 

Seconds later, the first bullet broke through your impact windows. 

AN: 🫣 Oh sorry, did I not mention there was a cliffhanger? You can rant and scream in the comments, it's totally fine. 😂

As you can see, we're in the middle of 2x02, with my own twist on some things around it. Plus some material from the books making it into this part - and more heavily implied in the next part - coming next Sunday!

Next Time:

While the phone rang, tucked between your shoulder and your ear, you were forced to set down the gun. With trembling hands, you quietly rifled through your medicine cabinet for gauze or an ace bandage. Fuck, yes! Okay. This could work. You found the big square bandages that stick on. Russell bought them the last time he came home with a couple of nasty abrasions from a job.

Still, the phone rang.

Come on, come on, come oooon!

“Hello?” The lawyer’s voice was smooth and retaining a note of exasperation.

“Reenie! Where’s Russell?” you whisper-hissed.

“I have him right here. What’s wrong?” she asked. Immediately, her tone shifted to concern. You’d never met Reenie in person, but you knew she worked with Colter and, according to Russell, was damn good at what she did. 

You didn’t give a shit about any of that right now.

“Put him on the phone, please!” 

In a few seconds of shuffling, you finally, finally heard his voice. 

“Sweetheart, what’s going on?”

A breath of relief escaped you in a rush.

“Russell,” you sobbed.

⌖ Keep Reading: PART 2

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