#i'm getting to a weird point where i am spending a decent amount of time doing things for other people

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset that all my friends constantly play a game together that I can't touch?

Basically, my friends (20s) and I (25nb) have known each other since high school. We used to hang out constantly but with adult life existing we just have less time to kill on silly things. Because of this, we now mostly have voice call hangouts on discord since its not as demanding of time.

Most of the time we would just chill and work on our own things, but a few months back a few of my friends started getting into Genshin Impact and would play it together while on the call. Eventually the rest of my friend group followed and started joining in, which I had no problem with, because it was a "sometimes" thing.

Recently though its been an "always" thing. Whenever we have a call everyone plays Genshin, and naturally a majority of the conversation is about what they're doing in Genshin, to the point where its kinda feeling like I'm interrupting if I talk about anything else.

I don't really have anything against the game, I just can't touch it because I have had previous issues with gambling type stuff and I recognize it's not something I can play. I'm glad I realized this early on when I was young and had limited disposable income + couldn't legally get a credit card, but the amount I spent on mobile games like this is nothing to sneeze at still. Now that I'm an adult with a decent income I try my best to be diligent.

I have been very open with my friends about this fact and they know my issues. I've tried asking them if we can play something different sometimes, because I feel kindof excluded. At best I've gotten back a "yeah sure" with no real follow-up or change, at worst I've gotten a "It's actually really kind to their F2P players and you don't need to spend money on it to progress etc etc etc" which. I've tried explaining that's not how this works and f2p won't stay f2p for me but sometimes it feels like they're just not listening.

Every time I bring up an alternative to try I get back a "Sorry I don't have the money rn" (bc anything without gambling mechanics costs money upfront) which I understand! But if I offer to buy a game for everyone when it's on sale or something they refuse because they feel weird accepting gifts.

I kinda got to the end of my rope with it because I don't think they were getting how isolating it was to be the only one not playing when we were hanging out. I kinda blew up after they gave me the same "nono don't buy me anything" on a game that was literally $3, and asked if actually gave a shit about including me in things anymore, which obviously they got super defensive about.

I feel bad about it because it was unfair even though we've barely talked about anything other than Genshin lately, and I tried to apologize but they basically froze me out. I snapped a little again after one of them told me I was being too sensitive about it and making my problem everyone's issue when they were just having a good time, and I haven't tried to talk to them for a few days now.

Obviously I don't want to lose my friend group over a stupid anime game, and I'm probably going to try to fix it. But I just want to know if I'm actually being too sensitive about this (I am pretty upset at being excluded bc of my issues, intentionally or not, and idk if that's affecting my judgement), or if theyre being too flippant about the problem.

AITA here??

What are these acronyms?

[theextendedzodiacas]

Would it be weird to ask how you pick images for your moodboards?

not at all! here is my process:

-color-coding: obviously, at least some images in the board must be the blood color of the sign caste

-lunar sway "mood": prospit signs are lighter/happier, derse signs are darker/angstier. very rarely derse/prospit color coding will creep in

-visual reference to the aspect of the sign: this is a little more abstract, but: sky/birds/lungs for breath, clockwork for time, frogs or space for . space . bones/graves for doom, empty space or fog for void, angels for hope, lightning/shattered glass/broken objects for rage, blood or blood-like imagery for blood (or images of holding hands, physical connection to other people), brains/webs/computers for mind, plants for life, hearts for heart, and "light" (sun, gold things, northern lights, reflections, celestial phenomena) as well as dice or books for light. sometimes color-coded woth the aspect color

-relevant additional themes: here i look for images with text relevant to the request, animals, fashion, pictures of couples for relationship boards (if necessary), any image which could give the "feel" of my understandings of each class or internal state meant to be reflected in the board, or images pertaining to a specific aesthetic vibe/theme like whimsigoth or what have you

-texture images: these support the color-coding, provide associative transitions from one image to the next, and generally serve to make the disparate elements of a given request cohere into an aesthetically unified whole.

then, of course, arrangement. once i have selected the images, i spend time laying them out in a way that is pleasing to the eye and draws the focus to other images in the board. this means flipping images so that their focus points "inward" or "outward," shifting them around so that images that are cut off in certain areas are on the edges or corners, and occasionally editing the images to, again, assert color-coding in cases where the additional themes leave little room to affirm a given unique sign. many requests are so heavy with additional themes that the only reference i can devote to the sign itself is color-coding, with maybe one or two visual nods to the aspect.

i prioritize photographs over drawings and graphics---if my board includes a pride flag, it's a photograph of a physical flag, meaning that i have to get creative for labels which do not have photos of physical flags. i also never include a graphic of the sign itself, to devote more space to the symbolism of the board i'm working on. i do not use anime screencaps or images from cartoons, though i do use movie stills.

i know for most people, moodboards are just "a vibe." some people don't seem to understand that while yes, i am working towards the depiction of an emotional vibe, i am doing so using a specific visual language in a limited amount of space, and straight up . . . it's extremely difficult to find usable photos of non-physical, temporally bounded things like ambivalence towards a relationship or nuanced inner feelings. ("unusable photos" being things like shutterstock images of "couples quarreling" or "woman thinking over salad".) if a requester wants an abstract state represented visually, it's helpful if they provide their own symbols for the theme they're trying to actualize . . . but if every single one of the nine images is dictated to me in the form of symbol-themes, it's like . . . where is the room for the actual sign in all this, and why are you coming to me if your vision is strong enough for you to just make your own board? (i do put a decent amount of time and effort into each board and rely on a large stockpile of saved photos, but . . . even just starting out, it did not take me long to make a decent board.)

i use pixlr to arrange and edit my moodboards and gather my images from tumblr, google images, unsplash, pexels, and when i was starting out i did use pinterest (but i don't have an account lol)

i hope this was understandable & enlightening!

-mod 8ean

[purplesurveys]

1902

If you had $10,000 dollars right now what would you do with it? I'd give my parents a portion of it, then keep the rest tucked away in my savings. I'm planning to hunt for a condo by year-end anyway so that amount would honestly take me super super far.

When was the last time you consumed alcohol? Two weeks ago at Angela and Hans' engagement party.

Have you ever broken a bone? No. Sprains were the worst I've had; fortunately never broke a bone.

What type of perfume do you use the most? I don't really like perfume as I find them too strong.

What book are you reading, currently? I haven't read anything in a while.

Are you interested in creative writing of any sort? No. I dabbled in it in my younger years but quickly learned that it wasn't and would never be my forte. I couldn't even think of creative plots so there was barely anything that translated to writing either. I've always enjoyed writing non-fiction stuff much more – and am miles miles miles away better at it too.

Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents? They knew her.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feeling for one another? Yes? Why is this even a question haha.

Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? No.

Are any of your friends virgins? There may be a couple but I'm really just guessing. Sex isn't ever something that comes up except with close friends.

Who did you last go out to eat with? Family – we were at a Japanese restaurant a week ago.

Is your ex a complete loser? I'd rather not call them such names at this point. Of course, they suck for many things but let's keep it at that haha.

What does the shirt you’re wearing look like? Where did you get it from? It's an olive green shirt that's turtleneck-ish but not really? I don't really know how to explains it haha but it kind of bunches up at the neck area. Shopee.

Who is the funniest person you know? Hans.

Do you say sorry first? If I know I should.

What do you look like right now? Pretty decent, tbh. We spent the entire evening hosting dinner for our extended family who've flown in from the States, so I wanted to make sure I looked nice even if we were just having the gathering at home. They came complete too for the very first time – it's usually just the immediate family who comes but they've brought in husbands and boyfriends too, who were all American.

It was a lot of fun! This might sound weird to those who live in countries with more diversity in cultures, but coming from a homogenous country it was so fascinating to meet Americans for the first time!! They were so nice and easy to talk to! And very chatty so it really helped me come out of my shell.

Who’s bed were you on last? Mine.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Elijah, I think.

Do you like to cuddle? Yeah it's nice but I haven't done it in years.

Is sex on your mind more than 3 times a day? Not usually.

What were you doing an hour ago? Washing the dishes.

Do you like it up against the wall? Sure.

Do you prefer girlfriend / boyfriend or friends with benefits? Continued from last night. A relationship.

Are you smiling? No.

When did you last eat pizza? Last night. The dinner-hosting was super impromptu and my mom only had time to make simple pasta, so I rushed to get follow-up pizza + mojos so that everyone was fed well.

Honestly, are things going the way you planned? I don't really plan to begin with....? I know that sounds bad, but I generally just try to do my best out of what life hands. The only things I try not to do are fuck up at work and lose relationships; and so far that has been going well.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? No.

Who did you spend your summer with last year? For the most part, with my family; but I also had a reasonable portion of it with my closest group of friends.

Did you wear what you are wearing today for a specific reason? I chose to wear it for a reason last night, yeah. I just haven't changed out of it since then because I was exhausssssted and just wanted to sleep.

What was the last thing you ate? A slice of pizza + god knows how many mojos.

Are you taking this survey in a place other than your home? No, I am at home.

Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? Every once in a while, yeah. We just were rarely allowed to – and to this day, I rarely entertain them – because the markup is bonkers. One came over during the pandemic and a popsicle that would go for ₱15-₱20 pesos cost like ₱50. So ever since then I've been wary about going out to meet them and only do when I have a very particular craving for ice cream.

*We also don't have ice cream trucks. They travel on bikes with a little extension on the side for their coolers.

What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? My breakup, because it sent me into a downward spiral in ways I had never reached before and have never reached since. If you look at my camera roll today, it literally jumps from August to October 2020 (it happened in September) as I barely ate and only stayed in my room at the time. Traumatic, but also the most emotionally exhausting thing I've ever been through.

No, I hardly think about it these days; and if anything, I only think about it when I want to be reminded to be grateful for the life I have now and the nice things I have been able to experience since. If I had let my sadness win, I never would have found BTS, witnessed my best friend get engaged, be able to travel to other countries, etc.

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? I mean it would be a scientific breakthrough more than anything because we are both girls, so I'd worry about that part first lol.

Don’t you hate it when your cell phone dies in the middle of a convo? Sure, but I always run to plug it in so that it doesn't happen.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No.

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? Sure.

Where was the last place you got completely wasted? 2017? 2018? idk that was the last time it went horrible, and since then I've managed how much I drink.

Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? Wow, no.

Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? At this point no. They'll get SUPER disappointed if I got pregnant without a legal partner (aka married lol) and will probably take it out on me but I'm sure they will be excited at least for the going-to-be-grandparents part.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? What was it? Two weeks ago. Just a couple bottles of apple-flavored beer.

Do you like where you live? Yes. It's okay, it's quiet, but I'm also looking for a change in pace.

Are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer? Nothing planned out.

Have you had sex with someone you weren’t married to? Someone you weren’t even dating? Not married to, yes. Not dating, no.

Are you under the age of 18? No.

Do you have a job? I do.

Are you going to school still? Do you plan on going to college? No more school. I graduated in 2020 and have no plans on getting any higher degrees.

Are you overweight? No. My last medical exam was very clear in stating underweight.

Would you get married at 18? Well, I didn't.

Have you ever been so wasted, you couldn’t walk? Just a handful of times.

What is the last thing that you got really excited over? Meeting my extended cousins after 8 years, and for the first time their husband/boyfriend too.

Any baby names you think you might name your future kids? I have a few favorites. Not that I'll ever have to use them.

When was the last time you had sex? A few years back.

Who did you last hang out with other then family? Co-workers.

Do you remember the last boy you texted? What was it about? Probably Hans, and I think we were just talking about proposal plans. I don't text much.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you? Nope.

Has anyone had their hand in your pants today? Uh, nope.

Do you like your dad? How about your mom? Sure. My dad's great; my mom's okay for the most part but she also has her psychopath/sociopath moments that make me question her...entire person, essentially.

Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? I feel yesterday would be better because I know we have no plans today.

Do you have anything that belongs to your boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't have one.

Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? It was both of us.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober.

What’s your favorite color? Purple.

Do you drink? Socially.

Do you smoke? Kind of.

Ever had a black eye? I have not.

When was the last time you slept in bed with a member of the opposite sex? Who was it? I don't think that's ever happened.

Did your most recent kiss take place in/on a bed? No.

Has anyone seen you naked in the last 6 months? Nope.

How would you describe your current relationship status? I'm single and voluntarily avoiding relationships.

Have you ever shared food/drink off the same plate/glass as someone you like? Not just with someone I like, but with friends or family too.

Have you ever had a valentine? Sure.

Have your lips ever gone numb from kissing? I don't think so.

Last person to cuddle with? The person I was with years ago.

[inkofamethyst]

July 26, 2023

Today I finished moving out of my apartment. Also my last day in a classroom in my undergraduate uni. The apartment thing actually feels weird. That room.. I mean it never quite felt like home, exactly. But it was my safe space on campus. For two years it was mine. And now it's not.

I.. I think there's a good chance I may stretch myself a little thin during my phd. Like, I discovered this thing at my uni where I could essentially get a minor alongside my Big Degree. And they have lots of really cool, interesting options (classics! medieval! archaeology! so many others!!) which I would totally consider if I was an undergrad but I'm getting close to the point where my luck may start to run out so it's probably a good idea for me to go for something more applied, right? I looked at compsci because that's the big button topic right now, but they also have data science which seems to be a bit more social-sciencey in its approach which I vibe with, and it could/would be good additional training for just like, ~being a scientist~ generally. But it's like,,,, several extra courses (five) which I mean yeah I could complete it slowly, one or two at a time, over the course of the years following my first two, but I just don't know if it'd be a good idea. If it'd be too much of a distraction from the Big Degree. And then on top of that I was already considering doing a brief internship or two. And then maybe (though this idea is significantly less well-formed) doing an exchange program one term through the program my uni offers, and that's not even mentioning all the cool workshops they have going on all the time that I want to take part in,,,,,, it's just that, I mean sort of like when I entered undergrad I'm seeing all of the offerings and want to take advantage of it all. It's kind of a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but I do actually want to get through it. Healthily.

Anyway I haven't mentioned any of this to my advisor lol. Can't show too much excitement too early. Just an appropriate, adult amount (whatever that means).

I think the important thing to remember will be that all the extras are nice, but my eyes need to stay on the prize.

Over the past several years, I've pretty successfully (and, perhaps, quite dramatically) limited my firsthand/fast fashion pieces, partly due to having a better grip on my spending habits (now that I'm spending my money) and partly due to moral convictions. However, I've recently come to recognize that there are several pieces in my wardrobe that, while looking "pretty good" for being secondhand, may not be particularly becoming for a person who looks like me and who is entering the grad school environment. My mother is pushing me to get rid of some of those items (as well as other fast fashion pieces that I've owned since high school), and I somewhat begrudgingly agree. She's also pushing me to look for suitable replacements, mostly firsthand, mostly fast fashion. The only way I can honestly feel comfortable reverting a little bit is by recognizing the fact that I genuinely attempt to take good, long-term care of my clothes. So even if I buy something at Old Navy or Target or TJMaxx, there's a decent chance it'll last me through the next six years or more, especially if they're basics.

My mom and I did get into a disagreement (it was silly and out of love but we still disagreed) about my wardrobe recently though. She complains that I don't have any color among by blacks and browns and creams. This is factually incorrect, and I reminded her that I've got greens and am constantly on the lookout for more. She told me that my hunter (and forest and sage) greens didn't count because they were muted. I told her she was being picky. I also told her that I would be receptive to adding lilac. She said I should be more open than just that. But I couldn't explain at the moment that I'm trying to build a wardrobe that is mostly modular so that I can add in whatever colors I want and not have to worry about whether I have anything to wear with them. I'll already have several potential outfits with some random piece I get on a whim one day. Anyway I needed to buy new cases for my devices and decided to get them all in lilac out of spite (admittedly, the black/gray theme I did four years ago was, perhaps, a tad boring and uninspired, but now they're dreadfully cute (I would've gone with green, but my sister is also going through a green phase, and we've already been through a period of us having the same phone and case, plus I don't think commitment to any ~~~aesthetic~~~ has to be all that deep)) but my mom says that doesn't count because they're not wearable. She also said (again) that I dress like an old maid and I had to remind her that spinsters were women who, historically, made their own money and choices for themselves, so I'm not particularly ashamed to be associated with them.

Today I'm thankful that my Enterprise-D came in good condition!!! I haven't taken it out of the box yet, but it (and its stand) appear to be in the original, unwrapped packaging. Just lovely. I also finished off a gift card by grabbing a card game and some posters, one space-based and one botanical, both vintage-looking, so decor is coming along.

I don't really care to tell most people where I'm going for graduate school. It sets a lot of expectations that I feel like I'm not always able to live up to. So when they ask "well what's next" I say "oh just grad school" and then only open up if they ask for specifics. But today, an older Black woman asked for specifics and I told her and she seemed so excited for me. I was a little bashful, but it felt good. There was a.. a unity in that interaction, something we didn't have to say aloud but it was there. Some people seem proud of me in almost a selfish way, I feel like. And that feels.. not good. But today's interaction was different in a good way. I only just met her today, but I hope I can make her proud.

[botchallthethings]

Thanks for the support! I really appreciate it <3

Unfortunately this makes me sound terribly cold-hearted, but someone at my Club gushes over another lady who makes hats for preemies and there’s always the underlying suggestion that I, too, should make hats for preemies. There is one problem. I have no desire to do that. Whatsoever. That’s about the most boring thing I can think to make short of dishclothes.

Could I do it at an activity? Certainly. Get together once a month or every few months, crochet up as many hats as we can, chat? sure thing. On my own time, make preemie hats? Sorry, the desire button does not exist.

[mixelation]

i am, for some reason, really interested in kakuzu and karin dynamics? is kakuzu like... the david hasselhoff/arnold schwarzenegger figure to karin? i both can and cannot imagine karin being ok with life on the dirt roads. would she still have an interest in science like she did under orochimaru or is she like... bear grylls?

LOL i'm assuming this in reference to this soulmate post, where kakuzu is her soulmate and goes and grabs her out of Grass when she's in the range of 10-12. i didn't put a HUGE amount of thought into that one, but i imagined him grabbing her when she's pretty close to the chunin exams so she's like.... a decent tracker at that point. kakuzu goes in thinking he'll toss his soulmate somewhere for safe-keeping since their soulmate bond is getting SUPER ANNOYING (either sharing pain/marks on the body). like it's bearable but also it gets sort of distracting sometimes. anyway! when he realizes karin could be useful to him, personally, he kind of goes: well i will try this and see if she makes more money than she loses me.

in this sort of AU, no, she never gains an interest in science. in my personal headcanons karin only got into research as a way to avoid being the subject of research, so it's not like... an innate passion of hers? karin is more into her own survival than her curiosity about the natural world. she's got the attention to detail and patience to do incredibly tedious work to be a competent scientist, but she's not going to get into it without a mad scientist breathing down her neck, you know?

because karin is a survivalist who's good at honing her skills to make her the best at whatever she needs to be to not be murdered, she works hard at her chakra sensing and gets scary good really fast under kakuzu. i think kakuzu is akatsuki at that point, so she probably sees him murder a bunch of his pre-hidan partners and she's like: well!! i am going to get real good at tracking bounties and also finances, then. i'm thinking in early years before he's super invested in her, kakuzu is not great at making sure she doesn't get hurt as a bystander of whatever shit he's doing, and karin awakens her chakra chains and those are really helpful for bounty hunting and also, like, surviving kakuzu's temper tantrums lol. like he has enough self-control not to direct his rage directly at karin herself, but also he doesn't go out of his way to make sure she's not collateral damage. she's his soulmate; she can't be totally incompetent. :|

by the time hidan shows up, karin is a pretty scary teen bounty hunter. she's not the power house kakuzu is but she's one of the best sensors of all time and she's pretty good with her chains. also kakuzu is accustomed enough to the presence/personality quirks she can be obnoxious at him without fear. she'll sass basically anyone bc she's VERY confident that if she gets into hot water, kakuzu is going to come save her (screaming at her for being an idiot the whole time as he beats the shit out of whoever was threatening her). that means she's ready to fucking fight hidan at the drop of a hat. fuck you, hidan, karin can heal faster than you can kill her

(.....maybe. kakuzu never lets them test that one out. but imagine hidan licking her blood and discovering all his injuries healed! what the FUCK.)

in this case they're sort of like.... not even mentor-student, really, because Karin is making shit up as she goes (and Kakuzu likes that about her). Maybe like a niece and a grumpy uncle? Or like "daughter and estranged father she didn't get to know until she was a teen and has a weird relationship with." Like, there's definitely a familial feel there because they like each other even when they're swearing and screaming at each other, but it's not..... a normal one.

but yes she does end up spending more time camping and skinning animals than she EVER wanted. i'm kind of thinking once she becomes sufficiently badass and Kakuzu's Akatsuki work with Hidan picks up, Karin spends more time away from Kakuzu doing independent bounty hunting (and they get into screaming fights about how big of a cut Kakuzu should get), and she invests a lot of time into visiting spas and shit kakuzu would never let her go to lol. but also i think kakuzu would definitely have rubbed off on her enough that she doesn't go without a coupon, or she pulls scams like "hey i found a whole-ass severed toe in my hotel bed..... you should comp my room or i'll make a scene in your lobby :)"

[squidbatts]

your funny mouth to the clouds

Or: Fabian stresses, confesses, and gets some kisses in

((The last couple of Fantasy High episodes have been Buckwild but IN THIS HOUSE we ignore current canon happenings to write about fabian wanting to kiss ragh and then getting to kiss ragh!!! because i crave ragh/fabian content even if i have to Do Everything Myself))

{ao3}

Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill Seacaster, knows he’s hot; it’s kind of his whole thing, being a charming, roguish pirate, as dangerous as he is dashing. So, obviously, it makes complete sense that he and Gorgug would be Ragh’s dream makeout partners. They’re all hot athletes and they spend a decent amount of time together, he gets it.

It shouldn’t even be a thing.

Except that Fabian can’t stop thinking about it. When Ragh lances a demon through the eye and then turns to grin at Fabian, manic, muscles straining his letterman jacket, he thinks about it; when Fabian’s trying to teach the party literally anything about the sea and Ragh slides in right next to him, body a point of warmth on Fabian’s left side as he points at completely the wrong part of the map, he thinks about it; when Ragh tears off his shirt and leaps into the water with Fabian, throws a glistening and sea-wet arm over Fabian’s bare shoulders, tugs Fabian into his sculpted chest as he laughs-

The point is, Fabian keeps thinking about it.

Which is why he thinks he should be excused for asking Kristen for advice; she is, after all, their “token gay friend"; the rest of his close friends are straight, so she’s really the only one he can ask.

“Kristen,“ Fabian starts one afternoon when it’s just the two of them on the roof, “You know about gay stuff, right?“

Kristen lights up. “I don’t know if you know this-“

“I do, you say it all the time-“

“-but I’m gay!“ Kristen finishes like she doesn’t come out over breakfast every morning. “So yeah, I do.“

“Awesome, great, listen, I have a question. Have you ever- hm.“ Fabian cuts himself off with a hum as he attempts to word it correctly. He decides to try another route. “Do you think Ragh is attracted to me?“

“Oh, for sure,“ Kristen says and, even though he already knew that, Fabian chokes on air in surprise at her surety. “He’s really into the whole ’straight boy jock’ thing and, I’m a lesbian, but even I know that you’re objectively the hottest person in our party. You and Fig are the hot ones.“

“Obviously,“ Fabian replies, kneejerk.

“Yeah, so, duh. Why do you ask?“ Kristen asks, and Fabian-

Fabian falters because, obviously, he wants to get to the bottom of why he can’t just forget about Ragh’s proposition like Gorgug has, but the idea of talking about it, of telling Kristen makes his stomach twist. Something about it makes him feel weird, the same way he feels weird whenever he thinks about Ragh wanting to kiss him.

“He just said something and I-“ Fabian waves a hand dismissively. “Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.“

Kristen’s eyebrows furrow and she places a hand on Fabian’s arm, firm but still kind. “If you’re uncomfortable with a gay man simply being attracted to you, you’re the asshole here. But listen, Jawbone has some pamphlets about it and we can totally work this out-“

“I’m not uncomfortable, I just wanted to know if he had said anything to you,“ Fabian says, the words quick and awkward in his mouth. Maybe I am uncomfortable, He considers. Maybe the twisting how of his gut and the heating of his face are merely symptoms of his discomfort. He’s always been fine with Kristen and Tracker, he was fine with Ragh when he told them about Dane, but maybe he just thought he wasn’t homophobic until it directly affected him.

Kristen stares at him silently for a second, tilting her head as her eyebrows raise. “Huh. Never would’ve guessed that.“ She says, then, “Well, actually, I maybe would’ve because you’re like, supernaturally obsessed with your appearance, but stereotyping is bad and all that.“

“What are you talking about?“ Fabian snaps, irritated with her vagueness. He realizes that he should’ve just gone to Adaine for help, she reads books and knows about a great many things, not to mention that it certainly would’ve been less of a tax on his patience than dealing with Kristen at her… Kristen-est.

“I think… I think you should talk to Ragh,“ Kristen says, and then continues on quickly before Fabian can get the horrified Absolutely not out of his mouth. “No, listen, this is really something that would go best if you just, like, talked to Ragh about it, I think. And like, I rolled a seventeen on persuasion, so you kind of have to.”

Fabian, not blessed in wisdom, fails his saving throw and has to admit that Kristen’s point is pretty compelling. Still, “I don’t even know where Ragh is right now.”

Kristen gives him a look that clearly says We all live in the same vanboat, you have to know that he’s less than three minutes away. She leans away from Fabian and, still holding eye contact, yells into the van, "Hey, Ragh, Fabian wants to talk to you!"

"Kristen, no," Fabian hisses. Kristen just grins back at him.

"Kristen, yes!" She says, "You will so thank me for this."

Fabian is still cursing Kristen's name when Ragh climbs up to join them on the roof. He's wearing his normal jeans but has elected to leave his letterman jacket in the van. Probably a good idea, Fabian thinks, eyes involuntarily drawn to the sheen of sweat over Ragh's biceps as Ragh stretches before he sits. It's been hot all day, but Fabian would bet gold that it's gotten hotter in the past five minutes. He certainly feels rather feverish, suddenly.

"What's the problem, bro?" Ragh asks when he settles down. Kristen makes a face at him from behind Ragh's back and mouths Take my advice!!!! When he pretends not to notice and instead stares pointedly at the sea, she huffs loudly.

"Well, I'm going to go back into the van, I'm real tired," She says, obnoxiously obvious. Fabian makes a face back at her when Ragh turns towards her. "I'll, uh,see you guys later. Don't even worry about everyone else, I'll keep 'em down there."

Fabian tries to infuse enough That is absolutely not what I want! and Don't leave us alone! into a single glare to make her stay, but she just winks at him, like she's a bard or something, which of course makes Ragh turns back to Fabian, puzzled.

"What was all that about?"

"It's nothing, really," Fabian says, forcing lightness into his voice as he waves a hand, as though all this awkwardness could be as easily dispelled as Fig's cigarette smoke. "Kristen is just being dramatic."

Ragh frowns, his dark eyes are stormily serious. Fabian's heart skips a beat. "We're bros. And bros don't have to lie about their feelings, right?"

"... Right."

"Dude." Ragh says as he punches Fabian's arm, clearly about to get started on the Jawbone taught me emotional vulnerability and now I think everyone should do it spiel. Fabian's already heard it at least one time apiece from Kristen and Adaine, and he still thinks he's good on the emotions front, thank you very much. Still, his stomach flips even now with nerves, and he thinks of how Kristen thought that talking with Ragh would sort him out. As truly awful as he imagines it will be, he wonders if Kristen has a point, just this once.

"Alright, alright!" He concedes, "I suppose we can talk about my feelings."

"Awesome!" Ragh grins lopsidedly, shifting to sit lotus style, his full attention on Fabian. "Now, what's up?"

A feeling rises in Fabian's chest, like his ribcage is stuck in a vice, and he feels nearly sick with guilt. Here Ragh is, so kindly and sincerely devoting his attention to Fabian, and Fabian's body can't even relax enough to appreciate it.

"I think I owe you an apology," Fabian says, and before Ragh can respond, he rushes on with, "I think I might be homophobic, but I'm going to work on it and be a better friend for you and Kristen, and I'm very sorry."

Ragh's opens and closes his mouth wordlessly a few times, tusks catching on his upper lip. "I- what?"

Fabian sighs huffily and explains, how he's felt weird and off-kilter since Ragh's proposition and Kristen's offered explanation. Ragh listens thoughtfully, brow furrowed and a hand on his chin. He's still frowning as Fabian finishes his tale and Fabian fights the urge to fidget under the scrutiny.

"I don't think you're homophobic, dude," Ragh says, eventually. He sounds like he's choosing his words carefully, like he's walking on eggshells, and Fabian aches to think that he's made Ragh think that he has to do that.

"Of course I am, what else could it be?" Fabian asks, and Ragh screws up half of his face. "See! I made you uncomfortable with my- weirdness. I'm sorry."

"No, no, I'm not uncomfortable, I'm just trying to… Reconcile some things. Sort stuff out in the old noggin." Fabian tries not to look too doubtful but Ragh must've aced his insight check because he sighs and continues, "Listen, this has got to be weird for you too, I mean, obviously it is if you think you're a homophobe, but I think there's a pretty easy way to figure out what your discomfort means."

"And what would that be?" Fabian asks snipily, turning away. He doesn't like apologizing in the first place, much less when the other person won't just accept it.

"Feel free to say no, but I figured you could just try kissing me." Ragh says, and Fabian’s head whips back to him. Ragh lifts up his hands defensively. “Full disclosure, I think you’re super hot so I'm definitely getting something out of this, but if you can't stop thinking about it… It couldn't hurt, could it?"

Ragh shrugs as he lays his offer down and Fabian-

Fabian's heart pounds like he's in the middle of a Bloodrush play as heat pools in his face and his stomach. He hadn't ever considered actually kissing Ragh, but now that it's on the table, something deep within him twists with want.

"One kiss?" Fabian asks, trying to will away his blush, "I wouldn't be… Opposed."

"Uh-uh, none of that. I need a definite yes or no, bro," Ragh says, "I don't want to pressure you into this."

Fabian feels his flush flare hotter and squeezes his eyes shut. The deep buried part of him has rapidly expanded and spread throughout his body, leaving his fingers twitching towards Ragh and his lips tingling with anticipation. He can't imagine saying no, but to say yes also seems almost insurmountable. He opens his eyes, sees how softly Ragh smiles and the patience in his eyes, and it feels like someone's reached into Fabian's chest and twisted. Fabian nods, excessively, embarrassingly, then says, "Yes, yes, I'd like to try it-" before Ragh is upon him like the tide on a beach.

It's different from kissing Aelwyn; there's no bitter taste of alcohol or sticky-sweet lipgloss, no, Ragh's lips are chapped and he tastes of salt from days at sea, but it's still so much. Ragh cups Fabian's head, gentle, but presses his mouth insistently forward, easily leading Fabian through the sweeping movements of a makeout. Fabian's heartbeat still thuds in his ears, but he can also hear Ragh's slow and steady breaths, feel how he nips Fabian's lips and smiles against Fabian's mouth. When it's over, when Ragh pulls back and Fabian embarrassingly chases after him for half a second, Fabian is breathing like he's been near-drowned.

"Still think you're homophobic?" Ragh asks, teeth flashing in the ocean sunlight, lips slick from Fabian. Fabian burns brightly.

"I have," Fabian clears his throat awkwardly. "A few other theories now."

Ragh laughs, full and perfect, throwing his head back. Fabian looks at the vast muscled expanse of his neck, realizes that the twist of his gut just means that he wants to press a kiss to the juncture of Ragh's jawline and neck, and thinks, Huh.

"Well, that was super fun," Ragh says, clapping Fabian on the back, "Always down to help a fellow Owlbear with a sexuality crisis, dude, just let me know if you wanna do that again."

Ragh heads back into the vanboat, whistling cheerfully, and Fabian waits until he's absolutely out of sight to raise a shaking hand to his lips. He feels a smile giddily crawling over his face and he buries his face in his hands rather than risk someone seeing him like that. He wonders, in a corner of his mind that's not fully busy simply rejoicing over getting his kisses in, if having a boyfriend is much different than having a girlfriend.

[mister-lady]

geez, i love your writing so much. water totally does have a taste tho. otherwise when you went to other places besides your house you wouldn't think that the water tasted weird there!!! which i'm now realizing might just be a me thing lol. anyway! if it's okay to send another prompt (i don't wanna overwork you!) then howa bout 9 with Remus cuz you said you didn't like him at first and the prompt says "forced to spend time together"!!!

*sobs* th-thANK yoUu!!!! And exactly!!!! Water has a taste!!!!! Janus doesn't agree tho smh. I definelty get that tho! One of my friends house that I go to I cant have their water cause it tastes funky to me dkkvkskg.

AAA ILLYYYY🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘❤💘❤❤❤💘❤💘❤💘❤❤❤🌟❤❤❤❤❤❤💘💘💘💘🌟🌟🌟🌟you're not overworking me at all!!!!!!!! I'm absolutely loving all of these thank you sososoo muchhh🥺🥺🥺🥺👉👈👉👈👉👈👉👈👉😭👈👈😭😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺💘❤💕❤💕❤💕❤❤💕 this was super fun to do!!! Especially becuase I normally don't talk much about my enemies to lovers thing with Remus so it was kinda nice to almost project it onto here!!!🥰🥰🥰 Also sorry I got a little carried away while writing and it got a little off-topic from the prompt-

Prompt: A moves into a new apartment and wants to check out the closest dog park. Their dog loves it there, especially that one dog that seems to be there almost every time they go. With their dogs being madly in love with each other, A and the other owner, B, are forced to spend more time together as well

Warnings: strong curse words used a minor amount. Very small angst.

----------------------------

Matt had moved into an apartment, hoping to build up some money for a home. He was living the life though, being able to do things when he wanted, without people complaining at him. However, Matt had gotten a little lonely so he did the best solution! He got a pet. Now, Matt normally wasn't a fan of dogs, mainly ones that barked a lot, but when he had been searching through the animal shelter and found a very peaceful dog. It was maybe around 1 year old and it was a small poneramium. Normally small dogs barked a lot but this one was fairly quiet and Matt liked it for that. He named his dog Siskel. Since an apparment was a small place Matt had searched up local dog parks he could take his dog to and let it play for a bit and get some exercise. Matt was unbelievably happy when his dog had found another dog friend! He thought they were adorable together and seemed to get along so well too! What he hated was the rat-bastard that owned the dog. You know how theres the couple in movies that want be together but the parents hate eachother? It was essentially that for Matt, but it was one-sided. The other person seemed to find Matt amusing, even though Matt had often showed that he didn't care much for him. Sometimes Matt would feel bad for the way he treated the person, he never gave him a true chance. But then the person would say something that made Matt stop feeling as guilty. The downfall for Matt was that he had scheduled days that he could go to the park where he had free time so it's not like he could ignore the other guy either. Plus, he would feel bad for depriving his puppy of it's friend just because Matt had been salty.

Matt had currently been sitting on a bench at the dog park and was keeping a close eye on Siskel. He made sure to keep his dog on a leash incase it did go to do soemthing bad, he could pull it back, plus, he didn't have to worry about Siskel running off either. Matt could tell just by the way his dog acted, that it was impatiently waiting for it's friend to arrive. Matt was trying to take it's mind off of waiting for it's friend and was throwing a pinecone for his dog. He would use a toy but if another dog came up who knew wheres its mouth had been? Siskel knew not to fully bite on the pinecone, but it would still bark at it and pretend to play with it. Matt couldn't help but smile as he watched. Though, poor Matthew's smile didn't last for long as he felt the same ol' guy sit next to him. Matt knew a little information about him, like his name and such, but only because he had told him like Matt had asked.

"Hey, Maaattttt!!" He chimed.

"Hi, Remus" Matt huffed.

Matt watched as the dogs quickly ran up to eachother and played with a pinecone together. It was very wholesome. However Matt casted a confused glance towards Remus, not understanding why he was so silent.

"You're quiet." Matt commented, while raising an eyebrow.

"I am?" Remus asked, as if he wasn't aware of what Matt was talking about.

"Yeah, normally you're rambling on about something that happened to you, or about how you poisoned your enemies cake or soemthing." Matt soon regretted speaking up, as he watched a very amused smile grow across Remus's face.

Remus gave Matt a very tight hug, causing Matt to squeak from alarm. Matt couldn't help but notice now warm Remus had felt and he could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

"Wh-.. what?" Matt questioned.

"You do listen!!! I was always afraid you never listened to my stories!" Remus seemed to be bursting with excitement.

"Well, I mean I kinda have too, you tail me around against my will." Matt flatly pointed out.

"Pssshh, yeah cuase you don't like me. Totally"

"I hate you. And why are you still hugging me??"

Remus withdrew and let go of the hug. Matt could've sworn he thought Remus looked a little upset for a moment, but if he did it was quickly replaced by happiness.

"You knowwww... it took you a little while for you to tell me to stop hugging youuu" Remus teased.

"You're honestly the biggest idiot I know and it hurts to be around you."

"You can insult me all you want but it's not going to change the fact that you like my hugs!"

"You're a lunatic and burn down places. The last thing I want is your hugs."

"Is that why you let me hug you?"

"I didn't let you hug me! If I did I would've hugged back. But I didn't."

"You let me hug you and you listen to what I say? Mmmmm... I'm pretty sure you like me."

"I don't like you, I'm just that lonely."

"Most people that don't like me get a restraining order, so you must like me to some extent, right?" Remus gave Matt a puppy-eyed look.

Matt groaned in annoyance. "I just might if I have to sit here any longer."

"That's not a no~"

"And it's definitely not a yes."

"Well, it's not a no, so I'll take what I can get."

"You're a dunce."

"I still don't see why you hang out with me so much then."

"Hang?? Out?? I-? Me??- with yOu??-" Matt stumbled over his words in aghast. "Okay, I certainly don't, and would never, hang out with you, Remus. You come up to me. I deal with it because for some stupid reason my dog likes your dog, and I do what's good for my dog because I have a little bit of common sense."

Remus pouted at Matt's little tangent and crossed his arms. "Fine. I won't talk with you then. Maybe then you'll like me more."

Matt shook his head, "Why do you care so much for whether I like you or not?"

Remus only glared at him and didn't respond. Matt decided to take the opportunity of peace and quiet, however, as time started to pass, he felt like something was bugging him. Like he was itching to do soemthing and he didn't know what. Like something was...off. He gave Remus a curious glance, wondering if he had done something, but by the looks of it he was behaving like a decent human being. If that was the case, then what was bugging Matt?? He had gotten what he wished for, had he not? He subconsciously gave Remus an almost longing kind of look, and Remus met his gaze for a split second, only to look away. Matt couldn't help but fear a pang of hurt in his heart, only to be quickly filled with frustration at himself. Remus complete was the opposite of a normal, decent, and civilized person. All he did was annoy Matt, so why did Matt feel bad? He quickly answered his own question. Remus hadn't done anything bad directly towards Matt, and Matt had acted like a huge douche towards him for no reason. Matt felt his eyes water up a bit at the realization and quickly blinked it away. He felt terrible for the way he had acted.

"I'm sorry." Matt spoke, his voice cracking a little bit causing him to inwardly cringe.

Remus looked at him, but gave him a questioning look as if asking him to go on.

"I'm sorry for being a massive and terrible douche towards you. You hadn't done anything wrong, if anything, out of all the things you've told me about I should be lucky that you didn't do anything to me and I'm really, really, sorry and I know that doesn't really change anything but I completely understand if you don't forgive me, and honestly with the way I've treated you I probably don't deserve your forgiveness." Matt had gotten repeatedly choked up as he spoke and had to keep clearing his throat or blinking away the water in his eyes in a sad attempt to hide what he was feeling.

Remus eyes had widened in surprise. That was by far not what he had expected at all. He didn't expect too much of an appology especially from Matt, so the heart felt appology took him a few seconds to process.

"..Matt?" Remus spoke.

"Yea?"

"Can I hug you?"

Matt quickly nodded his head and felt his face twist as he felt a few tears go down his face agaisnt his will. He didn't realize all the weird feelings he had subconsciously bottled up, but as Remus tackled him into a hug, almost knocking him off the bench they had been sitting on, Matt couldn't help but sniffle a little bit. He felt the warmth from Remus engulf him again, and his mind drifted to how nice Remus's arms and hands had felt to be wrapped around him. Matt tried to calm down his sudden emotions and breathed a little more slowly, and slowly slithered his arms up and around Remus's back and rested his head on his shoulder.

"We never speak of this to anyone." Matt mumbled.

Remus giggled and nodded his head in agreement, causing Matt to laugh a little bit himself.

"I knew you always liked me a little bit." Remus teased.

[klimp42]

Final Fantasy 8: An Amazing Story Hidden Behind Weird Mechanics

So it should be said that there is one thing that I love and that is some good narrative in gaming. I love it, give me a game with a good narrative and at least decent gameplay and I am in there, and a good narrative doesn't mean oscar level writing because I love Deadly Premonition, a notoriously weird game, but a golden game in my heart. Its story is weird and unique and at times outright strange, but it's endearing and I love how wild the story gets as it goes on. Now why am I talking about this? Why it's because of my lovely new bad gameplay good narrative obsession, Final Fantasy 8. That's right, gamer boys and girls we are going back to another old game, and that's because I just played it, and the remastered just got announced at E3 this year.

Alright so if you know nothing about the Final Fantasy series, let alone the 8th installment, let me help you out. Final Fantasy is an old franchise, it started in 1987 and got its name because the original name Fighting Fantasy was taken by a board game in the states, the myth of it being called Final Fantasy because it was a last ditch effort to make a successful game is just that, a myth. The game is prolific, being one of the granddaddy's of the JRPG genre and helping bring that good ol fashion turn based combat system popular in tabletop games like Dungeons and Dragons (D&D)  to videogames. Final Fantasy 1 is a classic of gaming and also is kind of like D&D, you have classes similar to the previously mentioned board game; Warrior, Monk, Thief, Paladin; with a few of its own unique classes; Red mage, Black mage and White mage. The games story was very simple, worlds ending, killing these fiends and go back in time and stop Chaos from doing this over again, also at some point the game explains that you are from another universe and that's why you just start outside the beginning kingdom, Final Fantasy stories like to be a little wild at times.

Like D&D you gained levels in this game by fighting monsters, getting stronger with each fight and eventually being strong enough to be able to face the final boss on even grounds, or maybe a little above them if you grind out yourself to max level. This system, if you are into the RPG genre, is incredibly rewarding as you get to see your team of lowly nothings evolve into masters of combat who can slay gods. The best part, to me at least, is going back to the starting area or an area that gave you trouble and stomping on those monsters who thought they were so cool 20 levels ago. Now in Final Fantasy series this system is in most of them, fight monsters, get exp, level up and your stats go up with it, the special cases are Final Fantasy 2,6,8 and 10, and of these the worst offenders of weird leveling are 2, 6 and 8. That's right, I said it, 6 has a weird leveling system with level not raising stats and needing summons equipped to level stats, I personally don't believe that it deserves its spot as one of the best Final Fantasys but that is an article for another time. I could explain why each is weird and 10 is fun and different in a good way, but forget all that and let's get into the focus of this piece, Final Fantasy 8.

Now even though it is my new obsession in good story bad gameplay, my fascination for this game goes way back to when I was a 3 year old with a pizza hut demo disc. Yeah you bet that was a thing, you would order a large pizza and it would come with a playstation demo disc that had a couple of games, but the only one that mattered to little old me was the demo for Final Fantasy 8, or that game with the guy with the cool sword and big water snake, as I was 3 and couldn't read that well. Seriously, if you have played a Final Fantasy game before you would know that you can use summons by clicking the tab they are in and then selecting the one you want, well ol kid me thought it was random as I was just picking things at random. So what I am saying is, I have always had a special place for this game in my heart, so there might be a bit of bias.

So I spent some time flip flopping over what I wanted to discuss and explain first, story or gameplay, on the one hand I wanted you to know what FF8 had to offer narratively, but on the other hand I feel I should let you guys know what you're getting into when you play this. So I decided to compliment sandwich this one, but like a subway compliment sandwich where the teenager who doesn't really want to work there barely tries to cut your bread so the top part is like really thin. So thin that what I am going to give you is this, FF8 is a great story of a young man learning to overcome his own weaknesses to understand that strength can be found in companions, listen I know that sounds cliche but I need more space to talk about the amazing character development and got to tell you about this bad gameplay.

So remember when I said that old Final Fantasy's had a nice leveling system based on fighting enemies, getting exp and raising stats? Throw it all out the window, because like I told you earlier FF8 is one of the weird ones. So for some reason FF8 has a whole system based around equipping "Guardian Forces" (summons) and then through this unlocking the ability to junction (equip) magic to your stats; like strength, magic, hp and the other classics; while also being able to junction magic to element and status attack and defense, allowing you to be able to either protect or do damage based on said elements and statuses. Now you might be thinking how does this work, because magic is usually used based on magic points (mp) well there is no mp in FF8. This is due to the narrative stating that it is very rare for people to do raw magic instead they need to draw magic from nature and creatures/people and use it that way. This means that in FF8 magic is a finite resource and instead of regaining mp you have to spend time drawing magic that is randomized to be either 2 or 12 magic, so it can take awhile. If this sounds a bit weird and confusing, don't worry it kind of is, there are tutorials to explain it, but man is it a weird system. So why is this all necessary? Well unlike other Final Fantasy's, in FF8 leveling raises your stats by the littlest amount, so to be able to do decent damage and also defend against it you need to junction magic. Also to make things even worse, leveling can be a problem as monsters level with you, so if an enemy is tough for you at level 20, raising your level to 30 won't help you as they will be doing more damage and have more health. The game does try to offset this by making it so if an enemy had fire to be drawn at lvl 10, at lvl 30 they would have fira to be drawn, which would make it so that you can junction a more powerful magic and do more damage. FF8 also gives you the option to just cast magic instead of drawing it from enemies, and can be useful since most bosses have healing magic to draw from them meaning you can go in without a huge stock of cure's.

Alright so we have a confusing system with a bad mechanic of monsters getting stronger with you as you level, is that all that is weird? Nope. So remember the guardian forces I mentioned earlier? Well they are necessary to be able to junction spells to stats and make your party stronger, but there are a limited number of them and that usually means only three of the six party members will have guardian forces so you can make a decent party for fighting. The problem is that the game likes to switch around who is playable a lot, and while it is fun and interesting in the narrative, it sucks gameplay wise. The game does make it easy by letting you be able to switch who has what guardian forces in a menu, but it gets tedious after the 15th time you have to do it and especially when the game switches between two perspectives like 4 times in 30 minutes. Also sometimes you have dream sequences where you play as another team and when you come back to your main party everyone but Squall, the main character, has everything unequipped, so you have to go back and re-junction everything and it's just a waste of time. Listen I could keep going on the weird aspects of this game, but I don't want it to take up this whole article and we got cool card games to talk about.

FF8 does a lot of things in a weird and bad way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't do things really really right, and thats with Triple Triad baby! Triple Triad is the super fun card game that exist within FF8, a game so good that you can also play it in FF14. The game is easy to get into and can get pretty hard with each area of the game map have unique rules, yet you can game the system by going to areas and abolishing rules and bring rules from other regions to new regions. Well except for one region, it is the king of rules, no exceptions! The fun of this game is not just showing the npc's of FF8 why you are the Yugi Muto of Triple Triad, you see you can learn an ability to turn cards you win from Triple Triad into items, which in turn can be turned into spells, powerful spells, I'm talking spells you are not meant to gain until like lvl 45 or 50. This means that if you want to you can spend time in the starting area at lvl 7 and leave a powerhouse that level thanks to Triple Triad. But there is a problem, this method is not quick, it takes hours to do this and also to even be able to get the ability to do this you will need to get AP for your Guardian Forces, which means either fighting fights normally or carding enemies which kills them but doesn' give exp, it can only be done at low health so be careful not to accidentally kill them.

So I have given a decent way to have fun but let me give you guys, in my opinion, the best way to enjoy FF8's gameplay, cheats. That's right a game that's so weird that the PC port has cheats that you can add to your save. I'm not talking about the normal ones we saw when FF7 and FF9 were ported to modern consoles, like the ability to turn off encounters and have it so you don't lose health in combat and do max 9999 damage. I am talking about the ability to modify a save file so you start with most low and mid level magic at full stock on all characters, and let me tell you it is a blessing. On PC it also allows you to at anytime raise all magic stocks to 100 and max level Guardian Forces, and let me tell you guys if you don't have the patience for the grind or want to try and just enjoy the story I highly suggest using these cheats, it makes things so much easier and I hope that the FF8 port coming to console has these cheats too. Also I should let you guys know I didn't immediately use these cheats, I tried to play it legit about three different times and every time the grind burnt me out, honestly if it wasn't for these cheats I would never had enjoyed FF8's amazing story. Speaking of amazing stories, let's finish off this subway compliment sandwich and talk about the good stuff.

So let me give you guys the easy lore of this world, on this planet, there are two types of people, normal people and sorceress, sorceresses can use magic naturally and a lot of them use this power for world domination especially the last sorceress, Adel, who was in charge of the country of Esthar and almost succeeded, due to this the Gardens were created by a man named Cid with the sole purpose to be able to kill sorceress should one like Adel show up again. The thing is one will show up and I don't mean because of plots need for a main antagonist, I mean because a sorceress can not die until she passes her powers to another female. Our story follows the character of Squall Lionheart, a quiet and distant youth who wants nothing more than to be able to prove that he is strong enough to be on his own, so badly that he actively shuts out other people who try to get close to him. Our boy here is a SeeD candidate in Balamb Garden, which means he is close to graduating and being basically a mercenary for the Garden until the need to fight a Sorceress arrives. And from there that's how the story grows, you have a cast of characters that join over time each interesting in their own right, helping as you deal with a looming sorceresses threat. Sounds pretty standard right? Well let's be real even something standard can be handled masterfully and that is exactly what FF8 does. Before I get into that there are two more characters I need to talk about. Laguna Loire, a soldier of the Galbadian army, who Squall keeps having vivid dreams about, through these dreams you see piece by piece of what he went through and how these events shaped him and the world around him and also how he is connected to Squall. There is also Rinoa Heartilly, a young girl who wishes to free the city of Timber from Galabadian control and in the process acts as the catalyst to what motivates Squall to change, all do to a chance meeting. When you look at the plot of FF8 it is abit generic what with stopping a Sorceress from creating her perfect utopia and most characters, outside of the ones mentioned above, get little depth to them, but what makes this story so engaging and interesting is Squall.

You see Squall starts off as a character who I can say I was disappointed in and didn't really like, a character I had adored since I was a kid due to my memories with that demo. He is angsty, off putting and really annoying, hell it feels like half of Squalls Dialogue is "...", but the thing is, that's the point. Squall is like that because he is afraid of trusting people again, fearing that if he does he will get hurt again and abandoned like he was as a child, so he puts on this cold front to make it easier for him, he doesn't have to worry if people like and rely on him if he is cold and indifferent, they would all just hate him. It is through this premise and his chance meeting with Rinoa that we see how Squall grows and changes, a man who I started off hating and grew to love and it's because it feels natural. Squall isn't cold because he thinks its cool or because he knows he is better than everyone else, he is a kid, a sad kid who went through heartbreak way to young and is afraid to love someone again. He is thrust into a dangerous world and has to come to terms that his lifestyle will not work for him, that he needs and wants to rely on others and he can't just keep ignoring a part of himself. Through the course of FF8 you see a quiet kid with a broken heart, overcome himself and become a real hero and use his new strength to make sure he can protect those close to him as well as himself.

And now we reach a bit of a problem, I would love to explain more, I want to explain why certain scenes moved me so much and why Squall's journey brought me to tears, but then I would need to spoil parts of the story, and that is the last thing I want to do. This is a Final Fantasy story that has incredible character development and I want people to be able to experience it themselves, to see what makes it great. I should also at least mention that the story is not without faults and tropes with Rinoa starting off being your typical manic pixie dream girl and if Squall really wanted to be alone he would have left SeeD after completing his training, and of course the other characters are not given as much screen time as Squall and Rinoa. However, tropes are not always bad and can still have depth, and by the end of the story I would say that Rinoa sheds the trope but it is on the nose in the beginning.

I left a lot of stuff out and with the HD remaster coming out sometime this year I think that if this article intrigued you, pick up a copy and experience it yourself. Experience a masterpiece of character growth that I believe is held back by clunky gameplay choices. I sincerely hope if you do decide to pick up this title that you enjoy Squall's story as much as I did.

[yournewapartment]

How do I find a decent apartment, and like I'm general be an adult

Here’s information on Apartment Hunting, but can you be more specific about what “Adulting” activities you’re interested in learning about? xx

Apartment Hunting 101

Overview: There’s no getting around it, apartment hunting is a stressful process. The waiting and wondering gets the best of everyone, so give yourself a break and remember not to be too hard on yourself. The more prepared and decisive you are, the better off you’ll be!

1. Step One: The most important step in this entire process is coming up with your list of “Need and Won’t”. This list can always be adjusted in the spur of the moment, but will act as a baseline to help you easily disregard impractical apartments. Before you even start your search, sit down with any roommates (SO or otherwise) and come up with a list. Here is my list:

Need: Dishwasher, pet friendly, heat included.

Won’t: First floor apartment, all or mostly carpeted apartment, no closet space.

2. Step Two: Decide your price range. The paycheck to paycheck life is not a great one to live, so try to find an apartment that still allows you to put anywhere from $100-$500 into savings every month. Figure out how much you make monthly, with taxes taken out. If you’re paid every other week, this is two paychecks. If you’re paid every week, this is four paychecks. Start with your total monthly income, and subtract the following expenses. Let’s say you make $1,000 with taxes taken out:

Rent - Let’s say you’re living with a roommate, and your rent is only $500 per month.

Electric - My electric expense is $60 a month for a one bedroom. Once again, you’re living with a roommate so let’s say that you pay half of that. $30.

Internet - $30 a month internet only. Please don’t waste your money on cable. Just use your mom’s Netflix account.

Travel expenses - I spend about $85 a month on gas. Let’s say you use public transportation and spend around $100.

Food - Figure you’ll be spending $100 per person each month. So that’s another $100.

Misc expense: Let’s just add an additional $50 worth of expenses on. Because you never know what’ll happen.

That leaves you $130 a month extra to put in savings or to use in the event of an emergency! That’s awesome. Substitute your own numbers in, and figure out how much you can afford for rent. Immediately disregard any apartments that do not fit in this budget.

3. Step Three: The best way to find dependable apartments is to consult with your fellow apartment renters. Consult with coworkers, friends, family- anyone who is currently renting in the area that you would like to rent in. Get the inside scoop on potential apartments, both their advantages and their pitfalls. If you don’t know anyone who is renting where you’d like to rent, here are some other apartment hunting options:

Craigslist: Obviously

Drive-bys: Literally drive around until you find a cool looking apartment complex. Find their rental office and go right in, this is how I found my first apartment.

Your college: The Dean’s Office will have a list of apartment offerings to give kids who don’t qualify for on-campus housing.

This Site: A list of the top ranked apartment hunting sites.

4. Set up an appointment: After finding a potential apartment, consult with the landlord or apartment representative to set up a date and time to see the apartment. Respond promptly to any email or phone call they leave for you. On the flip side, if they aren’t prompt in their response to you RUN.

The first apartment I ever looked at, my boyfriend and I showed up on time and the landlord wasn’t there. We called her and she said that she was running late, and told us that the apartment was open and we could show ourselves inside. Serious red flag, but we gave it the benefit of the doubt and went in. Long story short, she never showed up. She gave us a tour of the apartment over the phone and kept saying that she was five minutes away, but never came. We later found out that her rental office was two minutes from the apartment we looked at. Talk about flakey! We told her we weren’t interested, if she can’t even show up to show us the apartment, how the hell can we depend on her to fix any problems we might have? Because you’re young and inexperienced, some landlords will try to give you the run around. Your age is no concern of their’s, and has no bearing on how you will act as a tenant. Here are some red flags for flaky landlords:

Not contacting you within one day of leaving them a message. Disregarding the weekends.

Not showing up when they say they will.

Repeatedly telling you that you’re “young” or “inexperienced”.

Telling you that the apartment “is good for college kids” or “a good first apartment” (that just means it’s a shit hole).

If they tell you that the apartment has a large turnover (people are leaving for a reason).

If you speak with one person on the phone, and meet a different person who shows you the apartment.

If they can’t or refuse to give you the exact rent amount.

If they tell you that have to “run some numbers” based on your history. An apartment’s rent should be the same for everybody.

If they can’t answer basic questions about service providers for the apartment.

If you get a weird vibe from them. Listen to your intuition! This is the person who is going to be responsible for fixing all your apartment related problems, you will be dealing with them every month at least. If they seem unreliable, don’t sign the lease!

5. Step Five: Find your appointment buddy! Never, ever, EVER go to look at a potential apartment by yourself. I don’t care how friendly Wendy seems online, she may be a serial killer. There’s no way to tell. Here’s a list of people who can accompany you:

Your older brother

Your boyfriend/girlfriend

Your Aunt Meredith

Your second cousin

Your friend who can scream really loudly

Your Mother

Your Step Mother

Your old nosey neighbor who smells like cats

Literally anyone you can trust

Bribe them with chocolate, I don’t care. Take someone with you! If you absolutely cannot find anyone to go with you, then you need to take additional precautions. Here are some options:

Kitestring

“Share My Location” on your Iphone

Pepper Spray

Posting to Facebook the address you are going to and when you are expected to arrive and leave.

Rescheduling your appointment to a date and time when you can be accompanied

Checklist

A mental checklist is good in theory, but will you remember it when you’re actually at the prospective apartment with your Aunt Meredith? I think not! Make a physical list of some of the following points, and feel free to add your own. my list is super extensive, but that’s just who I am. I am detail oriented.

Tuck this list in your back pocket and consult it when the person showing you the apartment is not looking.

Expense related

How much is the rent?

Is the rent just the rent, or are there any amenities included? Some apartments include heat, hot water, or electric expenses.

Is hot water included (if the apartment has a washer/dryer in it, then the water is probably a separate expense)?

What Internet service providers are available?

What electric service providers are available?

Do I have to pay for garbage removal?

What is the average electric expense that other renters deal with?

Ask when rent is due. Find out what the rent check procedure is.

Basic

What type of heating/cooling is provided?

What appliances are in the kitchen? *If there is no oven or fridge and you are required to buy your own then run*

What is the apartment complex turnover rate?

Do you have a choice of carpet vs. hard wood floors?

Will window blinds be provided? *If the apartment complex won’t pay for something as simple as window blinds then the landlord is a cheapskate and can’t be trusted*

Is there a “curfew”? Most apartments have a time of night when all the tenants are supposed to be quiet. This is generally not enforced.

What will your address be?

Additional

Is any furniture included?

Is there a Laundromat in the complex? If not where is the closest one?

Similarly, is the Laundromat in the complex card operated or quarter operated? Do you have to pay a fee for the card? Is there a quarter dispensing machine?

Will you be given a free parking permit? *If parking is not free then run*

Ask about local shopping and gas stations.

Ask where your mailbox will be.

Ask what their pet policy is. (some apartment complexes charge an fee)

Ask what their policy on repainting/decorating is.

Ask what their maintenance request policy is.

Ask where the nearest dumpster is.

How often does the complex loose power?

Is there a nearby police station or fire department?

General check

Check all cabinets (for bug infestations or mouse droppings or that they open properly).

Open all the windows and check to see that there are screens installed. Especially important for us cat owners! If there are no screens- are they going to install screens before you move in?

Check that all the light switches work.

Check that the water turns on.

Flush the toilet.

Check all the closet space (for size, mold, and water damage).

Check how all the doors are set (some apartments will put doors in incorrectly and they’ll never close properly).

Check the outlets (bring a phone chord and plug it in).

Check any balcony access.

Take a look at the paint- is it chipped? Is it stained? Will they be repainting?

Knock on the walls to see how hollow they are (hollow walls require studs if you want to hang anything up).

Open up the oven and make sure it’s clean. If it’s not clean make it clear that it should be cleaned if you want to move into the apartment. It’s not your job to clean up after the previous tenant.

Check that none of the floorboards are sticking up/creaking.

Check for nails and screws in between hardwood floor, tile and carpet (I’m not even kidding).

Check your phone to see how much cell service you have.

Can you hear any neighbors? Could you hear them in the hallway?

Final Decision

If the apartment you visited fits all your criteria, feel free to tell the landlord that you’re interested in pursuing this apartment. This way they can advise you of the next steps. Before you sign ANYTHING, visit the apartment complex twice more to make sure that everything is kosher. Do NOT tell the landlord that you will be coming by.

During the day: Do a drive-by of your prospective apartment to see what it looks like during the day. Is it safe? Are there lots of people standing around outside? Is it loud?

During the night: Come back another night to check the safety of your apartment. Ask yourself- would I feel comfortable taking the trash out late at night? Having friends over? If the answer is “no” then run…

Additional Resources

Apartment Setup: My post that briefly outlines locating, checking out, and setting up a new apartment. Also has some next steps that I’m not going over in this post. It’s pretty good if I do say so myself!

Apartment Hunting 101: A list of helpful resources all relating to locating and checking out potential apartments. Some of the links aren’t set up correctly, so you will need to copy and paste them into a new browser.

NYC Renters: This post is designed for NYC Renters, but the points are still valid even if you’re not renting in NYC. A must read!

Stuff Nobody Tells You: I love love LOVE @hipdomestic so much! They haven’t posted anything recently, but this blog is an incredible resource. Check out this post that really goes into depth about apartments.

[awkwardshanandagins]

Costco+Lupron=One Very Stabby Shanda

You read that right, STABBY. As in I'm on the brink of stabbing someone or something.  Anyone else ever feel this way? Oh..no?  Are you telling me it's not normal to feel like stabbing someone?  Well, shit, I've been feeling stabby so hard since about 5:00 p.m. yesterday, just in time for my husband to get home.  Lucky him!  I got my sixth and final Lupron injection yesterday and this one stays in my system for three months as opposed to the one month injections I've been getting.  I don't know if you're supposed to feel much of a difference between the two but dear Lord this one has been a doozy!  I have had to try way harder than one should ever have to try to not elbow someone in the face today.  That should just be easy, right?  We don't elbow people in the face, it's not socially acceptable, therefore we do not have to consciously make an effort not to do so, we just don't do it.  Not me.  Not today.  I've had to make a very conscious decision not to elbow several stupid faces.  They're lucky I have some self-control.

At this point, you may be thinking I am a very violent person. As much as I talk about it (and yes, sometimes daydream about it), I would NEVER actually do anything to hurt anyone.  I'm a big ol' pussy and I "care" too much about my fellow man or whatever.  But, if there was ever something strong enough to make me actually throat chop someone, it would be this damn Lupron.  This shit is not for the weak!  I know better than to go out in public the first couple days after my injection but I ignored my better judgement, something I do too often.

I decided to run by Costco on my way home from work.  Going to Costco while practically roid-raging on Lupron is a terrible idea.  Going to Costco in general is usually a terrible idea.  I have such a strong love-hate relationship with Costco.  It is literally my favorite store while also being the place I hate most in this world.  It's not so much the store I despise, but the people inside of it.  There seems to be a common theme with me lately, I just really can't stand people.  Anyways, after spending almost a full week laid up on the couch I figured running some errands would be good for me.  I have to do things while I feel most human and today was one of those days, or so I thought.  Hormonally, I don't think it was my wisest decision.

Parking was the first red flag.  This dickhead woman stole my spot and I about had a total meltdown.  A screaming, crying, ramming my car into the back of hers kind of meltdown.  I think she knew how annoyed I was, one because I stared her down real hard and two because she did not get out of the car until I exited mine and walked inside.  Another spot opened up two spots away and at this point a normal person would have let it go but Lupron said "NO! YOU WILL HATE THIS WOMAN FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY.  SHOW HER YOUR HATRED!" I glared through her window as I got out of my car.  I went as slow as possible so I could see how long she'd stay in there.  Part of me was hoping she'd get out but the other part of me, the more rational part of me, was like "why? what would you do if she did get out?"  I'd give her a good ol' fashion scream cry in the face, that's what I'd do!  I always seem to think if I stare at someone long and hard enough, they'll feel my rage burning into the side of their face and they'll know they did something stupid.  Man, I sure showed her!  In reality, she probably had no idea any of this was even happening.

While walking in, I somehow got behind the slowest couple that has ever existed.  They were barely moving but did an excellent job of taking up the entire entry way so there was no way for me to go around.  They continued their slow, sprawled out moseying the whole way in, pointing and stopping at every single item; again making it nearly impossible to pass them.  My hormone fueled rage did not let me give up however.  I got way too close for comfort, did a few NFL approved spin moves and somehow slipped by.  What I don't understand is how at the end of my shopping trip in hell, I ended up behind them again!  They had to have walked in and straight to the check-out lane.  There is no way, with their speed, that they could have made it anywhere else in the store and still ended up in front of me in the short amount of time it took me to sprint around the place.  Damn them.  Damn them real hard.  Slow walkers are literally the worst.

Next, I ended up right in front of a real fun older gentleman.  He turned out to be a super douchebag, but by the end of our interaction I made sure to really give him the look of hate and shame so he knew how annoyed I was.  To start, he about ran me over with his cart.  I was eating a sample as most of us do during our shopping trips to Costco.  Let's be real, it's pretty much a given that at least 75% of us are there during lunch time to indulge on these samples instead of eating a normal lunch.  Anyways, I do what I do best and accidentally dropped it down the front of me.  It had ranch on it and it spilled all over me and splatted on the floor.  Trying to be a decent human being, I bent over to pick it up and this mother-effer was so close behind me that he had to abruptly pull his cart backwards or he would have knocked me straight onto my face.  I let him go around, loudly said "jeeeeeeeeez," picked up my stuff and walked slowly behind him so he could get way ahead.  I was trying to spare his life.  About three aisles down, all of a sudden I can feel a cart right behind me but before I could turn around, someone threw a giant heavy box of something into it making a huge crash which about made me wet myself.  I turned around and it was the same toolbag who nearly booty bumped me onto my damn face.  At this point, I was beyond annoyed, almost to a place of murder, so I decided to follow very closely behind him so he could feel my wrath glaring a hole into the back of his head.  He walked comically fast, which I take as a compliment because I obviously scared him enough for him to practically run away.

I decided to skip the rest of the samples and leave before I lashed out and hurt someone, or most likely myself.  It was obvious I was in no state of mind to be around other human beings so I made a straight shot for the aisle I needed which luckily was right by the check-out.

You know what people drive me the most crazy?  The ones who act like they take precedence over everyone else on this earth.  Luckily, one of them was right in the main aisle trying samples with her child while her cart sat in the middle of the busiest aisle there is.  It was obvious it was in the way as people were lined up to get around it and were taking turns to pass her.  The polite thing would be to move your cart but no, she just stood there shoving her stupid face with quinoa not giving one shit that she was making it difficult for literally every other person there to get around her.  If anyone were to get a punch to the throat today, it would have been her.  I wanted to slap her quinoa out of her hand and high-kick her cart.  Move your shit, lady!

Whoever is in charge of deciding what items go on which shelves is either incredibly smart or terribly evil, or both I guess.  All I wanted was the protein powder I use for my morning shakes.  It is usually always by the vitamins but you know where they moved it?  On the fucking candy aisle!  Good God, why?  I AM A WEAK PERSON, COSTCO!  They know.  They know we are all weak and if they put the healthy crap by the delicious and unhealthy crap, we will buy both.  What a bunch of assholes.  Smart assholes though.

By the time I got up to the checkout lane, my arms were so full of stuff I did not go there for in the first place, that I was walking with an awkward limp, attempting to use one of my legs as a weird third arm to try to keep it all from falling.  I was hot and super sweaty at this point, which I'm sure made me look incredibly sane, and the rage had hit an all-time high.  What's worse than a menopausal woman?  A HOT menopausal woman!  A nice man came to my rescue as he clearly saw they had a liability on their hands with me.  I left as quickly as possible and tried not to look at anyone for fear if they gave me the wrong face, I might throw my box of items right at their head.

This was not even one of my worst trips to Costco.  I usually take Paul with me which honestly just makes it all worse.  He is not good in crowds and has a quick temper at times.  We are quite the pair right now!  One of us usually tries to remain level headed to keep the other one from completely losing their mind and rampaging through the store.  He absolutely loathes Costco so I tend to be the one remaining level headed.  Hard to imagine, I know.  The sample areas are breeding grounds for assholes.  It never fails, every time either he or I walk up to grab one, some jerkoff steps in front of us and grabs the last one.  I will wait patiently but Paul will boil over and have to walk away while cursing quietly.  Actually it's not quiet at all.  He does it so loud it usually draws attention.  I try to quickly corral him out of there while telling him to talk quieter which usually leads to us bickering until one of us walks ahead of the other one and remains five steps in front for the rest of the excursion.  It's obvious there is a marital spat taking place at this point.  Any time you see a woman walking five steps in front of a man, you can guarantee a fight just took place.  I really should just leave him at home.  It never turns out well.  Paul can't help but have an angry scowl on his face the entire time.  My family now calls Paul's angry face his "Costco face."

My next stop was PetSmart.  I should have just gone home but why stop there?  Maybe for the safety of myself and others?  Probably, but I live life dangerously.  There was this bird, or possibly baby pterodactyl, inside PetSmart that screeched non-stop the entire time I was there.  Normally, I would be able to block that out but my Lupron brain would not allow me to and instead made it sound like it was inside my skull.  I asked the cashier if the bird did this all the time and he said yes while looking like he had been seriously considering murder.  I would lose my mind working there with that bird.  That damn thing would "mysteriously" disappear one day.  Whoa, calm down, I wouldn't kill it, I'd obviously just let it go.  Right as I walked out of the parking lot, a car alarm continued the screeching's of that fucking bird.  Again, it usually wouldn't bother me but since it was happening inside my skull, I seriously considered running inside and screaming similar sounds until someone shut the stupid thing off.  Instead, I got in my car and drove my ass home.  I will hide out here until the effects of Satan's saliva wears off and I am a more normal, functioning person.

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am that this will be my last shot!  This stuff is no joke.  It honestly has been both a blessing and a curse.  I truly do think it's made me feel better in many aspects but it has also made me into a complete lunatic.  Seriously, if my marriage can withstand this, it can withstand anything!

To those who are considering this medication, please do not let my stories turn you away from it.  The side effects I've had really have not been anything compared to the constant pain and bleeding us girls/women with endometriosis suffer from.  I've heard people have both amazing and terrible experiences with it.  I really urge you to think for yourself on this one and not take others' experiences into account since each one of us reacts so differently to this drug.  If you do decide to take it, good luck and God speed!  I joke.  Seriously though, I am here to listen to you throughout your own Lupron journey if you just need someone to vent to.  It helps having someone to talk to who completely gets it.  If you decide to give Lupron a try, just a word of advice...DON'T GO TO COSTCO!

[mittensmorgul]

I'm so sorry if this sounds ignorant, and I'm sure you're tired of explaining it, but do views or "hits" on Ao3 mean anything? Because i'll see the posts about authors needing kudos and comments (which i understand completely) but i'll also see the view count and i'm like "but it's got so many hits, just go by that too!" So what goes into an author truly knowing how well they're doing?

Hi there! And yeah, I’ve explained how this works before, but I’m always happy to explain it again. Because it bears repeating. :)

Hits on AO3 mean very little. Someone clicks through to the fic, reads the tags and summary, maybe the first few paragraphs of a novel-length fic, and then nopes out without finishing. It still registers a hit.

Writing a multi-chapter fic posted in weekly installments that has a significant following? Yeah, hits are also meaningless here, because every time you post a new installment and all your dedicated readers click through to read the next chapter? They each register new hits. They’re not UNIQUE viewers to the entire fic, yet it can still look that way in the hit counter. And if it’s a 50 chapter fic that posts over the course of a whole year? The “compound” hits really start to add up, despite each of those unique readers only being able to leave 1 kudos (albeit multiple comments, if they so desire).

If something we post generates a thousand hits but only 100 kudos, it can start to feel like a lot of readers may not have bothered to read to the end, you know? If I make it to the end of a fic, I hit the kudos button. It takes literally one second, and in my mind it’s the equivalent of saying, “Thank you for writing this and posting it for free for my enjoyment.”

I personally don’t have the “false hits equivalency” problem that writers who post WIP’s do, because I always post complete works. Even when I’ve tried to post serially, I end up giving up after a few days and just going ahead and posting the entire thing. I tried to do that with Ultraviolet, posting a chapter a day, and lasted five whole days before just posting the rest all at once. I have no patience for drawing things out unnecessarily. :P

As a result, the hits count on it are artificially inflated:

2269 hits as of today, when I posted it back at the end of June. But heck, there’s more than 10% kudos-to-hits ratio, so even considering that I know a number of people had been reading along as I posted the first five chapters, that’s still a pretty decent average. Believe it or not, that’s considered to be fairly excellent as a hits-to-kudos ratio.

Now on to the thing I just posted a few days ago, Dean’s Days Off. I posted it all at once (note the posting date):

That’s a lot of hits, considering I can assume that most of them are not redundant, with the same readers clicking back through to read a new chapter. Still, even working under the assumption that A LOT of those are unique hits from different people, I’m left with the assumption that less than 20% of them actually read all the way to the end, because of the kudos.

This theory works FOR NOW, because this is a new story. I doubt many people have had a chance (even if they loved it and intend to read it again someday-- which is just wishful thinking on my part, but whatever) have had a chance to go back and read it again already, you know? So these are largely most probably original hits. But over time, there may be a fair few people who return to read it again and CAN’T leave kudos again. The hits-to-kudos ratio will inevitably drop over time.

Plus there’s also the factor in the other direction-- readers who click through and then download the story (I always do this with fic I love, partly because it’s easier to read on my kindle, but also because I’ve see too much fic I love get taken down by the authors, and I like to make sure I have a copy in case that ever happens). I have fic I’ve reread NUMEROUS times, but the author has no way of knowing how much I adore their writing in that case UNLESS I EXPLICITLY TELL THEM.

AO3 doesn’t keep statistics for downloads. Unless a reader tells me, I have no idea that they may have downloaded my story to read again. It doesn’t even generate another hit in that case, you know?

In any case, kudos, comments, OR hits-- none of them is a perfect gauge for readership. Hits may be meaningless. I think 3 of the hits for T&S were generated by me-- one of which was me noping out within a page or two of starting because there was no way in hell I was gonna keep reading, and two of which were unlabeled links to the effect of, “OMG I JUST READ THIS THING AND I NEED A MOMENT TO RECOVER,” which is an intriguing sort of post where the words “THIS THING” were a link to it... I had no idea, but lo and behold, I generated a “hit” to it. >.>

I’ve clicked on fic recs that from the description in the post sounded right up my alley, only to see something in the tags on AO3 that made me nope out of reading, or got a short way in to the story before realizing it just wasn’t my thing and closing out. All of that generates hits. Meaningless, meaningless hits.

I have opened fic, decided to “Mark For Later” so I can open it again and read it when I’m in the right mood, or when I have time to devote to it, or whatever. I have A LOT of fic Marked For Later. Still, opening it to mark it and add it to my list generates a hit. It’ll generate another hit when I do eventually go back and read it. Possibly generating another hit when I open it yet again trying to remember if I’ve read it... 

Or the worst-- I’ve had the thing open in a tab for two weeks hoping to find the time to read it, and every time Chrome refreshes the page (because Chrome does that) it generates a new hit... I kinda feel guilty about that...

Hits are ultimately meaningless.

Kudos at least have SOME meaning. A unique reader read the entire thing, got all the way to the end, and felt good enough about reading it to hit what essentially amounts to the THANK YOU NICE WRITER PERSON button.

Some people are willing to spend a little more time writing a comment. Anything from a “Thank you for writing this” to “Oh gosh I love this story, and xyz was my favorite!” all the way to leaving a running commentary on every chapter or a five paragraph book review at the end. Or heck, just an incoherent keysmash with a bunch of exclamation points.

Or one of my personal favorites, “I just read this again and can’t leave more kudos, so have this

I don’t understand the resistance to clicking the kudos button if you read the entire story and derived any enjoyment from it whatsoever. If you’re embarrassed about it, you can always log out of AO3 and leave kudos anonymously. No one will ever know it was you. :P

But I’ve had people ask me this before, wondering why they should even BOTHER hitting Kudos, and it’s like... you read this entire story, for the low low cost of zero dollars, and can’t be fussed to even click the Instant Thank You Button? That’s... shocking and frustrating as a writer. Some of my longer fic may have taken me HUNDREDS of hours to write, edit, etc. And it doesn’t merit half a second of time to click a button. I mean, sure, Dean’s Days Off is kinda short compared to some of my other work, but it still represents about 80 hours of my life. I spent about 80 hours working on that story. I spent several hundred hours working on Revenge of the Subtext. And even more than that working on Around the World in 24 Days. That’s a lot of hours. Can I get half a second of your time as an acknowledgement that it was worth it?

If I make it to the end of a story of any length, that’s automatically kudos. Job well done, Writer Person. You have suitably entertained me.

I admit that I am still personally weirded out by leaving comments, but I do try and force myself to, especially if it’s a longer work. I get this OH GOSH PLEASE DON’T LOOK AT ME BUT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME FEEEEELINGS mentality about leaving comments. I turn into Dean Winchester and clam up. I TOTALLY GET THAT REACTION to leaving comments. That’s why the kudos button exists in the first place. No embarrassment required. Just a Thank You that writers can acknowledge in a measurable way. Unlike hits, which honestly we have no idea how many of them even read past the introduction let alone the entire story.

I wish there were some more accurate metric for calculating just how well received our works are, but really this is all we have. We don’t have bestseller lists. Our readers don’t have to pay for our work. Leaving kudos or liking our tumblr posts is great, and lets us know at least our followers appreciate what we’ve written. Leaving comments is fantastic because we can share the joy, answer questions, reply to theories y’all have about our stories (heck nothing is better to me than having someone meta-analyze my writing! I LOVE THAT AND WOULD LOVE TO SQUEE WITH JOY AT YOU!). Reblogging our tumblr posts is like the ultimate recommendation. It says not only someone read and enjoyed what we wrote, but wants other people to find the thing too.That’s how we find new readers, especially if the post ends up tagged with stuff like, “OMG THIS WAS SO EXCELLENT!” or whatever. Damn near makes my week. :P

But if we post something, even if it gets tons of hits, if no one bothers to hit the kudos button at the end, it can very quickly start to feel like maybe nobody ever read all the way to the end, so why even bother...

I probably shouldn’t have turned this into an essay, but since that seems to be my trademark, I guess I’ll just go ahead and post it...