#i'm forever grateful <3< /div>
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Hello :) I saw your post about the Paul-on-the-beach photo, maybe you mean this one?
Hello! It is this photo, omg, thank you so much! <3
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Happy Bang Chan Day (2024) ⥠insp / template
#bang chan#stray kids#bystay#createskz#staydaily#channiesnet#*mine#l.gif#l.gfx#dreamytag#melontrack#usersemily#userlau#usersa#usertsu#itâs channie day âĄ#happiest of birthdays to you my sweet đ„čđ#i love you dearly âĄâ#forever grateful for your existence#you make life so much better truly :')#i'm sry it's a bit late and a hot mess </3#literally everything that could go wrong went wrong omfg#which put me behind#and ig i got carried away#last panel is silly af cuz it was the last gif to be finished#i made it this morning after pulling an all nighter to finish the set
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GIRL MEETS WORLD S3E9: Girl Meets Ski Lodge (Part 2)
#gmwedit#rilayaedit#rilaya#riley x maya#girl meets world#gmw#gifs#byzil#userneptune#userluhra#wlwsource#dailylgbtq#bbelcher#chewieblog#cinemapix#cinematv#thank you neptune for the material i'm forever grateful <3
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"Youâve met the Fools of Fate"~
@pure-plum Latest Weal and Woe chapter was so sweet I swear my soul melted a bit from reading it :'3 Honestly Eclipse seems so nervous there, I genuinely just want to hug that anxiousness out of him xD
Tho here I made him look a little more malicious. Gotta think twice about that hug hehe :>
And some process under the cut cuz why not x)
#also there was a tiny experiment with rendering#never used noise and chromatic aberration before#but they both seemed like a decent choice to add to that feeling of uneasiness here <3#fnaf#my sketches or/and animation#fnaf warlock au#weal and woe!au#fnaf warlock!y/n#weal and woe#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf eclipse#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf security breach#pure plum#infinite love for you and your art and your writings Plum dear!!~ <333#because of you I completely fell in love with this fandom for which I'm forever grateful :3
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they were roommates đ„°
for @ithinkhobiknows
#jung hoseok#park jimin#bts#btsgif#dailybts#dailybangtan#userbangtan#trackofthesoul#annietrack#usersky#heyryen#*mine#tasha you're such a joy on my dash and your tags always made me so so happy#i'm forever grateful you decided to follow me <3#you bring me as much happiness as jimin to Hobi
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Cry me a river
summary: Aemond finds her wounded and left to die in the middle of nowhere. her desire for vengeance helps her survive â and her unbreakable spirit inevitably draws the prince to her. authorâs note: her betrothed does what Daemon did to Rhea... this time, the woman survives đȘ also, couples who kill together, stay together, I donât make the rules warnings: archery (described in unprofessional language), slow burn (... and then not so slow), mentions of blood and murder (duh), it gets a bit heated words: ~ 11K song inspo: Tommee Profitt ft. Nicole Serrano â Cry me a river (cinematic cover) đ„
>>>Â Aemond is caught in heavy rain midair, in the depths of a starless night. The storm rips through the clouds, and the lightning flickers across the sky thatâs bowed over the Vale. He tries to resist the voice of reason that urges him to land, heâs no little boy to be afraid of the whims of nature. But the downpour only grows more ferocious, and the rattling of thunder soon drowns out Vhagarâs displeased roars.
Begrudgingly, Aemond sets his pride aside and peers into the darkness that stretches as far as the eye can see. He can barely make out a vague outline of the mountains but the rocky terrain is a poor resting place, that much he knows. Exasperation slowly claws at him as the wind howls, his clothes drenched and heavy, and the ribbon of moonlight slips away into the gloom.
When his gaze suddenly catches a flicker of light, a faintly lit cave in the distance â Aemond thinks itâs the Gods' mercy as it is. He is yet to find out that the Gods are leading him that way for a reason.
>>>Â The landing is rough but Aemond holds back complains and runs for cover, breathing a sigh of relief once he gets to the cave. Vhagar curls up in a heap, and her enormous silhouette can easily pass for just another mountain in the valley.
The prince tiredly wipes the raindrops off his face â and only then notices a spot of crimson right under his feet. He recognizes the color of blood in an instant, and the realization fills him with dread. Slowly, he turns around, his eye following the gory trail, his hand reaching for the dagger. But the sight heâs met with leaves him frozen in place.
Aemond is sure heâs never been so stunned and horrified all at once.
At the far end of the cave, a woman is lying next to a waning fire, with her eyes closed and face drained of color. She is dressed in bright red, and the blood on her hands blends into the laced fabric of her long sleeves, and Aemond is struggling to locate the injury that left her unconscious. She looks so helpless, a breath away from irrecoverable, he throws caution to the wind and rushes to her side without much thought.
Aemond kneels, examining her bare and bloodied feet, the torn hem of her dress, the smudges of dirt on it. With timidly blossoming fascination, he takes in the softness of her features stained with tears, green leaves tangled in her hair. Aemond reaches his hand to smooth a strand of it when he sees a splash of red framing the side of her face. His fingers barely graze her temple â and once he sees them stained with red too, his breathing hitches.
Heâs no stranger to cuts and bruises but he doesnât know how to treat a head wound. And his fighting skills wonât be of use against the Stranger.
A feeble voice brings him back to reality:
âI am not dying.â
Startled, Aemond lets his gaze fall on her lips, parted and faintly tinted with pink. Her eyelids flutter before she opens her eyes â they meet his in an instant. The feeling he gets bears no explanation: itâs sudden and overwhelming, raging like a hurricane that hits right at his chest. She doesnât look away while her hand finds his â his fingers are still in her hair, and he shudders at the touch; her skin is cold but the grip is surprisingly firm.
âIâm not dying tonight,â she repeats, her tone a bit steadier. âI will not give him the satisfaction.â
His brows furrow from the lack of understanding. His body tenses at the very clear hint that he gets.
âWho did this to you?â Aemond asks with concern.
But she already drifts out of consciousness, back to where she canât hear him. The thunder rolls and the lightning tears the cover of darkness, illuminating uninhabited mountains and valleys. The terrible weather seems like the least of Aemondâs problems.
>>>Â It rains all night, and the dawn comes shrouded in white mist. He cannot sleep a wink. The woman tosses and mumbles incoherently as her mind lapses back into the grasp of the unknown suffering. Aemond finds the sight so unnerving, itâs almost painful to watch, but he doesnât take his eye off her.
He keeps the fire burning to help warm her up, ignoring his own discomfort. Not his shivering but hers eventually compels him to peel off his wet outer garment to dry it off faster. He hastens to put the clothes back on but leaves out his coat to cover her with it, black material over red, a night draping over sunset. Hesitantly, he rubs her arms and back, his usually deft fingers now tentative, until he sees the life returning to her cheeks. It puts Aemondâs nerves at ease, and he belatedly realizes how stiff his body has become from hours of sitting in agonizing suspense. And yet, he never leaves her side.
The mountain tops stay hidden by the clouds, the sky coated in gloom the sun canât peek through, but around midday, she wakes up again. Her eyes dart to Aemond who moved to feed the fire with branches. He doesnât rush into conversation, giving her a chance to come to her senses. She is looking at him with distrust but without a hint of fear.
âYou stayed,â she concludes in a hoarse voice, slightly shifting in place.
âLeaving you all alone didnât seem fair,â Aemond responds, which only earns a huff from her.
âI am perfectly capable of managing on my own,â she rebuts, trying to prop herself up on elbows â and instantly groans at the ache in her temple.
Aemond comes closer in a blink of an eye, and itâs hard to miss the empathetic look he gives her. He politely stays at armâs length which she is thankful for.
âYour bleeding stopped but such a serious wound must be examined by a maester,â Aemond tells her peacefully. âHow far away is your home? I shall accompany you there once the weather calms down.â
He sees emotion flashing through her face, and for a moment it gets so quiet, he can only hear the rain still drizzling outside the cave.
âI do not have a home,â she forces out, and Aemond is surprised to notice that she doesnât sound sad. If anything, there is ire in her words. âYou shouldnât bother.â
âI am sure your family is worried by your absence and ââ
âMy family valued me so little, they got rid of me at the very first chance,â she cuts him off, her voice stern. âSo I am not going back to them, Iâd rather you leave me here.â
He looks her over â her ruined dress and anguished face, dried-up blood in her disheveled hair. No doubt, she is hurting, and it would be unbecoming of a prince to leave a lady in such dire straits.
âI can do no such thing,â Aemond insists. âYou survived a severe injury but whatever discomfort you are now feeling can be eased.â
âComplaining would only make me look pitiful. I need none of that,â she is sitting with her fingers pressed to the aching part of her skull, her brows knitted.
âOnly seems reasonable to pity anyone with a bleââ
âDid anyone pity you?â she interjects, looking straight at his eyepatch.
The question is meant to cut him yet it doesnât â too much time has passed, and his once painful memories are now dust-covered images at the back of his mind. But he finds her intent amusing. Wounded and weak, she is supposed to be at his mercy, but her spirit stays unbendable, and her gaze is so blazing, itâs nothing less of a fire. She keeps her eyes on him, waiting for his reply, confident that she will get it.
âHardly anyone,â Aemond admits. âBut I wasnât left in a cave to die, so the comparison doesnât work in your favor.â
He expects her to snap again, he almost wants to have another taste of her insolence â a trait so uncommon among any women heâs met, Aemond deems it not offensive but thrilling. She only hums in response, throwing him a glance, and he sees curiosity shining through her cold stare, like a ray of sun in the storm clouds. Their exchange of pleasantries is cut short by another one of her groans. He is usually patient but the sound of her suffering is a test that he fails.
âYou will not get better on your own and you know it,â Aemond tries to reason. âI can take you to the greatest maester there is,â â and his persistence is akin to a plea. He anticipates her fears and allays them before she can utter a word: âYou will be free to leave at any moment, you have my word.â
âWhatâs in it for you?â she narrows her eyes at him, her whole demeanor a clear evidence of her refusal to give in just yet.
Aemond thinks for a moment. The real answer to her question lies on the surface and is as vivid as her dress and as her blood: he knows nothing about her and he wants to know everything. He has trouble not only voicing but coming to terms with his desires.
âI am afraid that guilty conscience will disturb my sleep,â Aemond says, and itâs not entirely untrue. He can already tell heâll think of her many nights to come.
She looks at him appreciatively, slowly, as if her gaze can cut through the cotton of his shirt, flesh, and bones his body is made of. Whatever is her verdict, he canât tell because in the next moment, she is stricken with pain again, and talking isnât of much help.
âWe shall leave at dawn,â Aemond recapitulates, helping her lay down to have some rest while he canât find any.
âDo you happen to have any water?â she mumbles more humbly. He senses that showing weakness doesnât come easy for her; heâs not the one to gloat at something he can perfectly understand.
âI will fetch you some,â he reassures and pulls his coat over her again â and hurries outside.
The mountain valleys welcome him with stillness, and Vhagarâs eyes are two beacons in the mist. The dragon seems comforted by the rain and pays Aemond no mind as he climbs up to get a flask with water he luckily brought, and some lemon cakes Helaena insisted that he take (âshould something happen on the roadâ, she said; he makes a mental note to thank her later).
They eat in silence â she has no appetite, and Aemond feels food stuck in his throat. She tells him nothing but her name; he savors the sound of it, a weave of letters he can now put to her face. Aemond studies her discreetly and although he canât read her yet, he puts everything in memory, down to the smallest detail. The slight tilt of her head, the pensiveness of her gaze, a blizzard of feelings trapped in her irises, the stubbornness in her lineaments paired with beauty. The curve of her neck and a thin golden chain around it, her collarbones flowing down in that hollow spot his thumb would fit in... He stops himself from looking further down; his face flushes nonetheless, and something sparks inside him, dangerously unnamed.
The evening approaches stealthily but comes chilly and dank. They go to sleep early, both laid next to the fire, and Aemond courteously keeps his distance. She notices the goosebumps that snake under his shirt; her suspicions are soon confirmed when she catches the sound â and canât tell if itâs the hammering of rain or his chattering teeth.
She considers him: his sharp profile, tense angles of his jaw, lines of his cheekbones seemingly chiseled by the Gods themselves. With his silver hair and eye the color of wisteria, she expected a different attitude; everyone knows the Targaryens to be self-righteous at best and prideful as a given. But the man next to her is instead stoically enduring the hardship he can easily avoid â if he only rolls closer and allows their bodies to trap the elusive heat; he doesnât dare to. She realizes he couldâve taken advantage of her if he wanted, but it seems like the thought hasnât even crossed his mind. She finds it way more endearing than her vigilance would usually let her â the pain mustâve dulled her sanity, she thinks, reminding herself that itâs the sole intent of surviving that should motivate her.
No words will work against his wit so she wastes no time snuggling up to him, with her forehead against his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest as she shares his own coat with him. A quiet gasp escapes Aemondâs mouth, but he stays still.
âI can hear you shivering,â she can feel it now too â his skin trembling under her fingers. âYou are risking to catch a cold.â
Aemond is frozen for a minute, his heart thrumming at that unexpected boldness, at the feeling of her â malleable curves and no rigid edges, their ribcages in contact, their thighs brushing. Calming his breathing is an arduous task; heâs used to fighting off opponents but now heâs battling with himself, with the need thatâs treacherously strong, almost primal. He barely quells it, and only by some miracle his inhales are soon steady again.
He moves his arm â the one sheâs lying on â a little to the side, giving her more space to settle into, tips of his fingers stopping at her lower back. He does feel undoubtedly warmer. Aemond glances down at her, his voice a whisper tinted with mirth:
âIsnât this called pity?â
He hears a faint cackle. âCall it rationality,â she refutes. âSince we are to leave soon, and only one of us can fly a dragon.â
The words roll off her tongue like it is the most mundane thing, not a centuryâs worth of power encased under the thick-scaled skin of a creature the size of a castle.
âYou do not find the beast scary?â Aemond canât stop himself from asking.
âWhy would I? It is only a dragon,â her voice grows smaller, eyelids become heavier. âUnlike some men, the dragons are at least not known for their ill intentions.â
At that moment, a wish is abruptly made â to find out who harmed her, make sure it happens no more. The fury in Aemond is a mounting force meant to cause destruction, tamed yet never really dormant. But he listens to her breaths and pushes his anger aside, and the full moon is the only witness of his surrender. As he falls asleep, he tries not to think how nice it is to have her body pressed to his.
>>> What he should be thinking of is how to explain all this â him, unwed, bringing a woman to the castle; a scandal, no less. And yet, it is the last thing on his mind. Itâs only occupied with this moment he wishes would never end â with gusts of wind tucked under the dragonâs belly, clouds spread out around; and, most importantly, his arms snaked around her waist, her back touching his chest.
It is bittersweet, truth be told because her pain isnât gone overnight, and he canât heal her with just his hands and his words. The splotches of dark maroon are even more visible in her hair in daylight, and she winces at loud sounds, at the harsh flow of air that bites her skin while Vhagar soars up, and she has to grab onto Aemond a little tighter.
But soon they reach the clear canvas of the sky, the serene emptiness, and she looks around, taking it all in â and then the corners of her mouth curl up. There are sparkles of delight in her eyes, and still no sign of fear. And he thinks that her smile is the closest thing to the sun.
They cover many miles, crossing the lands as Vhagar bursts through the clouds, and the time allotted to their inadvertent closeness runs out, mercilessly as ever. Once they land and he helps her climb down, his anxiety comes back, like a wave approaching shore. But then a sound of her whimper reaches him, almost inaudible; he only has time to turn around, to see her pained expression. She passes out â he catches her; itâs his heart that falls, and no other thoughts and explanations matter.
When Aemond is seen at the castle, heâs carrying her in his arms, his lips pressed into a thin line, and not a word slips out after he calls for the maester. The prince pays no attention to the guards and the maids exchanging glances, to his mother stopping dead in her tracks upon seeing him, her hand over her heart. There is a question hanging in the air, parting Alicentâs lips, but she doesnât voice it and only watches her son walk away, hurried and fearful in a way she forgot he was capable of. She struggles to remember when was the last time she saw Aemond in the company of a lady. And if he ever looked at a woman the way he looks at this one.
>>>Â Aemond is pacing the corridor, his eye on the floor, on the pattern of the stone surface. His mind is treading at the doors that were closed in his face after she was carried into the room. She was breathing still, and thatâs what helps him keep it together, his hands clasped so tightly his fingers go numb.
He wonders if maester Mellos has always been so annoyingly slow. Thatâs the only wondering he can allow â otherwise the noxious thoughts will flood his head:Â how much blood did she lose before he found her? What if he was the one being too slow? What if â
âHer life is not in danger as she regained her sensesâ the maester moves with the pace of a cat, his face wearing the same unbothered expression. âThe long flight mightâve been tiring for her impressionable female nature.â
That assumption is disregardful and uncalled for â Aemond hates it; still, heâs glad to hear the rest. He lets out a breath that frees his chest from the chains of agitation.
âI will fetch her some herbal ointment to help the cuts and bruises heal faster,â the old man then adds.
Aemondâs expression hardens; clearly, he knows the meaning behind the words but he cannot fathom them. Violet marks of violence blooming on her skin, how could he miss it? How did she get them? He accidentally thinks of it out loud.
âIt is a rare luck to get only bruises after taking a fall from a horse,â the maester looks at him askance. He gives his final verdict before leaving, followed by a sigh: âThe young lady surely must rest.â
The displeasure is a tiny tongue of flame at Aemondâs ribs. He is vexed by not knowing (nothing new in that, not with his eagerness to learn all and everything ever since he was a kid). Unexpectedly, he is equally vexed by not seeing her â so much so, that he almost reaches for the handle of the door that separates them.
Aemond stops himself, his reticence a fetter but also a necessity: she needs her rest, and he shall leave her be. He will not go beyond the bounds of decency.
She canât be niched into any bounds, he soon will learn.
>>>Â Aemond is good at many things but not at waiting, as it turns out. In the morning, after he wakes up, anticipation already laps up in him, his day a blur â breakfast, sword practice, the lines in a book he picks at the library all merge and bore him. He only glimpsed the maids leaving her chambers once; it took all of his willpower to go the other way.
In just three days, his impatience smolders â then flares up, then erupts into a wildfire, his head in a haze that makes him lose focus. The more Aemond tries not to think of her, the harder it gets.
He pushes yet another thought aside as he sees Ser Criston approaching, armed with a longsword and perseverance. Aemondâs training is never a dull routine â the knight makes sure of that and doesnât make concessions. Their swords lock and clank, and time is a whirl; in the midst of it, Aemond finds himself reminiscing about her shining gaze. He almost misses the hit aimed at him and ducks at the very last second â spins, glares, strikes, his blade stopping an inch away from Cristonâs face.Â
The knight chuckles in good spirits, and the pride he feels is almost paternal. âSuch a shame you arenât the one for tourneys,â he pants, wiping the sweat from his brow.
Aemond rolls his eye, a brief respite not helping with his frustration. The subtleties of his emotions are unknown, unreadable like an ancient language: heâs daydreaming of her hands, her face, her â
âWhat a shame, indeed.â
Aemond turns to the sound of her voice. The whirl is silenced in an instant.
Itâs different from his memories and his dreams â better than both: she is alive and well, sheâs right next to him. She isnât wearing a dress but a tunic and a pair of breeches, cool-toned material against her sun-kissed skin. Her wound is cleaned and healing, the mark left is a lightning peeking from her hair, the waves of it loosely braided. The simple attire doesnât take away from her beauty (nothing can, he thinks), and it takes him a second to blink the enchantment away.
Aemondâs voice comes back, a tad low. âArenât you supposed to be resting?â Heâs looking too joyful for it to sound like reproach.
Thereâs laughter in her eyes. âNo one forbade me from stretching my legs. Am I interrupting?â
âNot at all,â Ser Criston chimes in, cautiously curious. âIf only you donât find the sight too unsettling,â he twirls his sword, the steel soundless in his hands.
âOn the contrary, I find it entertaining. Although that wouldnât be my weapon of choice,â her gaze follows the blade up.
Aemond throws her a surprised look but Ser Criston is the one to raise the question. âYou have your preferences? Do tell,â he turns his head to the weaponry on a nearby table. âWeâve got shortswords, flails, axes...â
âAll of which lack speed,â she remarks pertly, leaving the knight mystified.
Aemond sees no mystery; he knows that in the highlands catching prey is way trickier than killing. Knives, swords, blades of any kind wonât cover a long distance. Something else will.
âArchery, then?â the prince guesses.
âDoesnât seem like the type of weapon you Targaryens prefer,â she shrugs but her disinterest is feigned.
Ser Criston catches onto that. âCanât have preferences if there is nothing to choose from,â he grins, then calls for one of the guards, giving short instructions.
The man runs back in a minute, with a bow and arrows, and her eyes light up. They glide over the tight string, the polished wooden bend, concave at each end; itâs crafted beautifully.
âI must ask you to spare the guards,â Ser Criston jests while she takes the weapon, laying hold on its grip. âBut do not be shy about taking your pick,â he points randomly at a stack of barrels, about thirty yards away. âThese might be nice for a start.â
âThat is too easy of a target,â she barely glances that way, then takes a good look around. âDo you truly think so little of me?â
The knightâs cheeks heat up. âMy apologies, I didnât mean to ââ
âOh, I do not find it offensive,â she grants him a meek smile without looking, already eyeing something much further away. âTo tell you bluntly, it only spurs me on,â she mounts the feathered end of the arrow against the bowstring â and then pulls it.
Both men follow the direction the arrow is pointed at. Right outside the castle gates, thereâs an apple tree, tall and branched, bent slightly over the stone wall. The fruits are bulked and ruddy, mouth-watering; but from where they are standing, the apples can barely be seen, obscured by foliage the wind breezes through.
Ser Criston raises an eyebrow, not incredulous but intrigued; Aemond only gets time to take a half-breath. The first arrow is fired with no warning â it cuts through the air, a flash of color above everyoneâs heads, â and pierces an apple, pinning it to the trunk. A moment later she takes another shot; after the second one, Aemond isnât looking at the apples, his eye instead drawn to her.
He suddenly can see nobody else.
Her every move is concise and simple, but her gaze is dead-set on the tree. She repeats each shot with a honed precision, controlled yet gracious; one of her arms set in a straight line, the other one follows a well-learned pattern â an arrow out, an apple down. Thatâs where, he thinks, her intrepidity comes from: the deadly weapon in her hands sings like a musical tool. The chance to watch her is bliss, and sheâs a vision.
Only when sheâs down to the last arrow, her hand unexpectedly flinches. She doesnât miss, still, but the iron tip veers off and knocks the apple to the ground; a shadow of discontent glides across her face. Ser Criston is too impressed to notice yet Aemond knows that feeling all too well. Heâs always strived to be the best too, and he knows how poisonous the pursuit of excellence can be.
âWith that level of skill you might be unrivaled,â the knight praises, his words backed up by some of the guards and passersby clapping.
She seeks no praise, her quest is more troublesome. âI can do better,â she says, with her disappointment forced down. Her voice wanes a little when she adds: âI will do better by the next full moon,â and that hidden meaning holds unfathomable weight.
Aemond is too eager to bring her comfort to read between the lines. âThe bow and arrows will be waiting for you, shall you decide to train more. But do have mercy on the tree,â a smile ripples her lips, a warmth ripples his heart. âI will ask for some target rings to be made.â
That gives her a dollop of contentment, and their fingers brush when he takes the weapon back. As Aemond gazes after her, he wonders if she feels it too â blood stirring, sweet dizziness, limbs lightweight.
Ser Criston watches the prince with a knowing look, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. âIt is so rare to find a lady with such a competitive spirit and a talent to match,â the knight muses. âHer husband must be a lucky man.â
Aemondâs joy shrinks, that mere word disturbing. âShe doesnât have one,â he responds. The uncertainty of his answer leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Doesnât she really?
âThat might not be for long,â Ser Criston carelessly comments. The princeâs cold stare makes no impression on him. âShall we resume our training?â
Aemond goes to pick a shorter sword, his blood now boiling for another reason. Thereâs a gaze thatâs akin to a caress, to a gentle tap on Cristonâs shoulder â he turns readily to meet it, dark brown eyes that are a mirror of his own. Alicent casts a glance at her son, questioning and worrying, then holds the knightâs gaze once more. The looks they share are hand-written letters â both of them write the same thing.
>>>Â Alicent goes looking for answers first â she walks into the womanâs chambers the very same day, with the elegance of a Queen, with the benevolence of a mother. She doesnât push but guides the conversation; she faces no resistance from the woman sheâs facing.
When they are both seated, she tells her a story as old as time, a tragedy lived out by many. Her mother died when the girl was ten years of age, too weak to carry on her blank existence, and her father couldnât even bear to look at her, no matter how much she tried to please him. Growing up in the Vale felt freeing but lonely, so she preferred archery over embroidery to leap at every chance to get away from home, into the beauty of the wilderness she had no one to share with. But she held out to hope that her life would change. She couldnât predict that said change would start as an accident â her horse slipping on wet grass.
Alicent canât help but bring her into a compassionate embrace at the mention of it. Her embrace turns into an offer â of a place to stay, of a shelter, and a friendly ear (maybe those were all the things her younger version wished for but was robbed of). The lie Alicent heard was so skillfully woven into the truth, she didnât get suspicious.Â
Once Aemond learns the story from his mother, he discerns the misleading part in a second. All the other pieces fit together like a puzzle â her being self-reliant and guarded, her brazenness a shield, just like the one heâs grown accustomed to. But that last bit was made up, he can tell. And yet, he just doesnât know how to approach the subject and not scare her off.
Aemond takes a task on earnestly.
>>>Â He looks for an opportunity to talk â he ends up tirelessly watching her, and he canât say that there is no pleasure in it. She does resume her training, and every morning sheâs the first one at the training yard when the sun is barely up, and no prying eyes can witness her dedication. Him having an eye on her doesnât seem to be a problem.
His relentlessness has always been something Aemond prided himself on but itâs hers that he grows to enjoy. He carefully notes her refined movements, her sharp focus, her gaze cutting through any target before an arrow does. Itâs easy to be fascinated by her; it takes him a couple of days to look past her outward calmness to catch a flicker of a feeling he can effortlessly recognize â an undercurrent of fury. And then he grasps that each time she aims at the wooden boards, she means to hurt someone. And maybe that is the exact reason she struggles with her every last shot, and her hand keeps flinching, unsure, or maybe too overwhelmed with certitude instead.
On one of those mornings, Aemond gets an idea, an outburst of bravery (or madness, but heâs too excited to care). Sheâs grimly collecting the arrows, inspecting them for damage when she sees him out of the corner of her eye.
âI couldnât help but notice that somethingâs been troubling you,â Aemond comes closer, hands behind his back. She gives him a look that holds no denial but no explanations, either.
Aemond goes to the wooden boards, round and lined up on a hastily built frame, â and stands in the middle, right in front of them. He then puts out a hand with an apple in it, ripe and deliciously red. âMaybe I can help.â
Nothing short of shock flashes through her face, her eyes darting from him to the fruit and back. âWhatâ â her jaw drops as the words escape her; she strings them into a sentence. âWhat are you doing?â
âHelping you focus better,â Aemond offers in the calmest tone he can master.
Itâs not uncertainty that leaves her speechless, her proficiency hard to deny. Itâs the genuine, borderline naive trust that he shows her â with his open gaze on her, his body not moving from the spot, his faith in her as unwavering as his posture.
The moment is fleeting, soft like a morsel of a gossamer cloud, with so many words not shared; in another blink of his eye, it ends. The change in her isnât drastic but chilling, like a touch of steel blade to the skin â her hand doesnât waver when she reaches for the arrow, her gaze firmly locking on him.
As her last attempt at leniency, she notes: âThere is no stopping an arrow once itâs shot.â
Aemond doesnât think twice before replying: âYou trusted me with your life once. I trust you not to kill me.â
She lifts the bow without hesitation, and he keeps eye contact with bated breath. The never-ending movement of life abates and the pale sunlight fades, and Aemond is deaf to everything but his booming heart. She drops the bow out of the way just a little and pulls the string up to the tip of her nose. She waits at full draw, the passing seconds endless and fulminant at once, before her hand flows back, her fingers relaxing â and the arrow slices through the air.
The first one hits somewhere above the apple; Aemond doesnât dare to even take a glance, standing motionless, rooted to the ground. The second one follows soon. Itâs a blood-curling contrast â how quiet is each shot until it reaches the target, and then the arrow rips right through the board, a deafening crash, a waft of death heâs spared from. Until she draws the bowstring again.
Aemond hears the third and the fourth hit, his hand unmoving, every muscle in his body tense. He is rarely scared, and itâs easy to mistake the fluttering of his heart for fear. But with how his eye is riveted on her, his gaze rapt and throat soar, â he thinks, it might be some other feeling. He gets no time to guess as the fifth arrow â finally â plunges into the apple and pins it to the board.
Itâs a momentary reprieve, a quivering wave going through his body; and yet, she doesnât lower the bow, eyes still fixed on him. Aemond can see her inhaling, the metal tip of the arrow pointing in his direction â and then released smoothly. In a split second, it lodges into the gap between his ribs and his arm, the feathery end stopping right next to his heart. When Aemond looks at her, he catches fiery glints of mischief in her gaze â and then something else, bright but short-lived like a glare on the water.
She puts the bow down, and they both know â her hand didnât flinch once.
Only when Aemond steps away, he sees that the six arrows form the letter âAâ, with the red apple right in the middle.
>>>Â Heâs afraid the change is transient but it lasts â she is now watching him, too. Aemond finds it befuddling at first, not considering himself worth the attention, not used to being seen as something other than a wreckage of man, intimidating, and lonely, and harsh. She doesnât look daunted. On the contrary, every time she sees him, the ice of her concentration thaws, and her gaze softens and lingers on him, mending every part of him thatâs been broken by his insecurities.
She doesnât recoil from the parts that are irreparable, either. She shows the same understanding when he canât find the right words and shrinks into his shell â in the middle of conversations, in between rows of bookshelves, at bustling dinners; her company is a haven he can retreat to without a word. She welcomes his every impulse to talk and to share â thoughts, meals, books he thinks she will like (she bites down a smile thinking how much time he spent looking for any mention of archery).
She stays by his side when he doesnât want to talk and when he overshares, when heâs bleakly taciturn, and when his temper gets as rigid as his sword; sheâs enthralled by his anger, never burnt by it. One week turns into two, then into three. Day by day, Aemond wakes up earlier to watch her hit every target without fail, and she then watches him win one bout after another with evident amusement. They explore the castle, get lost in the library, take rides to the woods â she laughs as her horse breaks into a gallop, she basks in the sun, wind ruffling her hair, and his heartbeat raises to a clamor upon seeing her like that.
Her seat is next to his at the dining table, their chambers not too far away, and he persistently walks her to her doors, and every evening he dithers before saying goodnight and parting ways. Her presence soon becomes a warming light nurturing his days â and simultaneously the reason for him losing sleep. But as he lays at night, watching the moon wax, he thinks of another constant, bothering him like a page missing from a book, a closed door heâs got no key for â itâs her secret that he is yet to uncover.
He gets his chance when he least expects it.
>>>Â The month is nearing its end when Aemond is nearing the dining hall, brimming with emotion he cannot capture â excitement, unrest, sprinkling of anguish. He last saw her hours ago, when his mother came to her in the training yard, and the two of them hastened to leave, seemingly in some agreement he knew nothing about. He caught bits and pieces of words â mentions of fabrics and seamstresses, but it didnât help with his confusion which soon turned into worry he had trouble coping with. And it wasnât the worst part.
Whatâs worse is the comprehension, icy and unforeseeable like a blast of northern wind: itâs only been a few hours, and heâs already missing her. He looks back at the days she wasnât with him, but they all seem too far away and forgotten, his life before her a blank canvas that sheâs now painting with colors. He keeps thinking of her, getting more pensive with each step, until he reaches the doors, and walks in, and âÂ
the ground is cut from under his feet.
All is the same in the hall: long table in a cloud of mindless chatter, silverware clanking, a rich palette of scents. What stands out is the color, bright like rubies formed within the earthâs crust. Itâs the red of her dress â the same old and brand new â and he can only catch a glimpse but itâs enough to leave him dazed. It lasts a second before she senses him, her conversation with Helaena interrupted; she springs to her feet, the dazzling hue stirs up his ardor â heâs almost blinded when he gets an eyeful.
He is staring at her, everyoneâs staring at him.
Helaena stands up with a laugh in her attempt to smooth things over: âIt isnât very nice of you to keep a friend waiting,â they both sit down then.
Aemond goes to join them with cotton feet.
He mustâve been too busy last time, her injury too big of a disturbance, so he paid the dress no mind. But once heâs seated, he canât help but notice: the layers of fabric, flowing lines of her body, the cut in the front, the golden chain now ten times brighter. She casts him a wondering glance, he drinks half the cup in one swallow. The minutes that follow are like a fog, and although the conversations carry on, Aemond canât bring himself to take part in any.
That is until he hears vaguely his sisterâs delighted voice. âThe stitching is barely noticeable! What an excellent work,â she marvels at the red dress, then looks at him with the spontaneity of a child. âWouldnât you agree, dear brother?â
Heâs certainly grateful heâs not drinking otherwise heâd choke. Aemond manages to cast one furtive glance. âA fine work indeed.â
His mother gently picks up the discussion. âIt was only fair to help repair the thing your friend holds so dear,â Alicentâs gaze is directed at her. âYou can now wear it on more than just one occasion.â
Why would she hold so dear the dress that only carries the memories of her pain, he wonders. The dress that was covered with blood, with fingerprints of someone who wanted her dead. He takes a peek at her, and her face expression gives away no answers but for a second too short to comprehend he sees the undercurrent again; only it never takes shape. She puts on a smile that doesnât reach her eyes, and heâs the only one to notice.
âI greatly appreciate you taking your time to help me,â she says, and Alicentâs smile â a genuine one â only grows wider. Maybe even a bit too wide for it only to be about some stitching.
âI suspect we tired you out with all the measuring and dressing up,â his mother points at her plate. âYou hardly ate, my dear.â
âItâs been a long day,â her fingers close around a cup but she doesnât drink from it, âAnd the dress brought back some memories,â her grab tightens, the only sign of everything sheâs keeping covered. âBut I am glad to get a chance to wear it one more time.â
âAnd I am happy to help,â Alicent assures, âBut please, go have some rest, you have seen enough of our boring dinners.â
âI was never bored,â thereâs a glimmer of gratitude, a tone of sincerity as she gets up from the table and looks at the faces sitting at it. For a moment, it seems that she wants to say more â grand, meaningful, closer to the truth. And yet, she just opts for a short, âThank you for having me.â
She barely has time to take a step before Aemond all but jumps to his feet. âI will walk with you,â the words leave his mouth as he stands up with unflinching determination. And itâs not that he wants to leave as much as he wants to follow her.
His eagerness doesnât come off as a surprise. No one says it but it seems that everyone knows â Alicent and Criston sharing the same looks, Helaena beaming, Aegon smirking into his cup. Aemond only waits for her reaction, his eye focused on her face. She isnât against it â just like sheâs never been before, every time he found a reason to come to her and be with her, and even when there was no reason to do so. She gives him a nod, a tad guiltily but more so accepting (and maybe just as eager as he is).
While they are on their way out, Aegon turns on his chair to say something but Helaena covers his mouth with her hand.
>>>Â Aemond breathes a little deeper and walks a little slower, gathering his words, â and before he knows it, they are talking again, his infatuation receded, although never truly gone. He asks about her day, and in the corridors and hallways curtained with silence, her voice flows lightly. He can tell that sheâs abashed by all the fussing over her.
âOur seamstresses are quite fierce,â he chuckles. âI fear no sword of mine will stand a chance against their needles.â
âThey said this dress was made for feasts,â she quotes, fiddling with the material as if she canât see whatâs there to admire.
âWell, Aegonâs name day is approaching. That will surely be a feast we are all invited to endure,â Aemond jests.
âI donât think that I will ââ she doesnât finish the sentence, biting down her lip. Heâs too distracted by that movement to pay attention to whatâs left unvoiced. âYou do not find those celebrations to your liking?â she changes the topic swiftly.
âI find them boring,â Aemond huffs. âThe same old lords boasting about their wealth, making up achievements that are each so hollow.â
âSounds like ladies arenât a part of those conversations?â
âTheirs are hardly better so you should keep your expectations low,â he ruefully remarks. âĐĄourt gossip is one thing you canât avoid. And then theyâll either lament about their husbands or try to find one for you,â he doesnât think much over his words until he sees her smile dropping. And then, before he can find a reason not to, he adds: â...Assuming you are not already married.â
As soon as she hears it, she stops â Aemond does too, and he can tell that she isnât looking for lies and excuses. She only timidly looks around, as if sheâs afraid the walls have ears, and the truth sheâs about to tell him is only meant for his. They managed to reach his chambers first, so without a single word Aemond goes to open the doors, and she accepts the nonvocal invitation.
They walk in â both are hasty and agitated, but he gives her space and scarcely hides the trembling of his hands. She finds it hard to utter a particular word. âI was... betrothed but not anymore. The man in question now believes I am dead.â
Her face is turned away from him, her gaze gliding over every object in his room, searching for something to fall on. She hesitantly walks to his table, glancing over a stack of books on it.
Aemond gives her a minute, then inquires: âWas he the one to hurt you?â
Her pain is still fresh, her face briefly splashed with it but she pushes through. Her response is not affirmative and yet, itâs enough of a confirmation. âI shouldâve known better than to trust him.â
His anger rears up its head, a beast on a chain readying to get loose. âThere is no excuse for what he did,â Aemond punctuates. âThere cannot be ââ
âThere isnât,â she cuts him off, not harshly but with a weary acceptance, her finger grazing thick book covers. âAnd Iâm the last person to ever make excuses for him. But IÂ shouldâve known.â
Aemond is hurt by the thought he gets, but her torment is even more hurtful so he says the words, each letter scorching his heart. âYou canât take the blame for having feelings. Love often makes people let their guard down.â (And for years, he never did. Not until her).
With how fast she retorts, his ache is cured: âIt wasnât love.â Whatever it was, she regrets it so deeply, itâs written all over her face. âNow that I think about it, it never was.â
Her fingers travel down to the table surface, her thoughts straying back to the time thatâs too distant but too haunting to forget.
âLord Dykk Hersy is a son of my fatherâs friend, weâve known each other ever since we were kids. He was always too noisy, then turned too self-centered, not much to like about that. And I never thought he fancied me, either. But my father made a decision about us some years back, and he wouldnât take no for an answer. So Dykk started coming more often, following me around, being very nice. And I wasnât...,â she stops fumbling with strewn parchments and lets out a sigh. âNot a lot of people were nice to me back then. I was naive to mistake his kindness for something else, and he was smart enough to say all the right words to make me believe him.â
Her fingertips reach his dagger, unscabbarded and left in plain sight. His eye is drawn to her every movement.
âWe were betrothed when I was ten-and-six. I grew to like his company, and I think he did try his best, at first. For a couple of years, he was courteous, generous enough to give in to my every whim. Not that I had too many,â sheâs glassy-eyed, and Aemondâs glare would be enough to kill. âBut the illusion didnât last for long. I soon began to notice pitiful stares, taunting whispers behind my back, maids dropping their gazes in shame. Three years in, I found out one of them was carrying his child.â
âAm I right to assume he denied it?â
âHe did,â she chuckles bitterly. âHe seemed taken aback by my anger, tried to persuade me he was falsely accused. But I could never blame the girl, itâs not her fault he was so good with words... I fell for them too,â her sadness is washed off with virulence; her fury awakened again, flames of it rising from the bowels of her restraint.
Aemond finds himself only a few feet away from her, pulled in by empathy at first, enamored somewhere in between the first and second steps.
âFrom that day, the complaints began, the excuses â he was too busy to stay for long, then got too busy to visit.â
âWas it so hard to saddle a horse?â Aemond bristles.
She casts him a glance followed by a half smile. âHe lives in The Reach.â
âSo chivalry is dead,â he snorts, and her laughter gives him a spark of joy. âIt isnât far away from here,â Aemond notes.
âTakes way longer to reach the Vale,â she explains, then pauses. Her memories eat up the merest hint of cheer. âOnly he wasnât road weary. He was burdened by me.â
Aemond almost reaches out for her, but clasps his hands together, his knuckles whitening. Her finger traces the very edge of the blade.
âAnd then, on his latest name day, my father made a poor joke,â her smile is crooked, hating. âHe said me and Dykk were meant to stay together unless death do us part. Thatâs when, I think, he got the idea.â
âIt is unworthy of a man to ever nurture such a thought,â his voice is embittered, his chest ablaze with wrath.
âI shouldâve known,â she sounds dull like an echo. âHeâs always called himself a man of traditions â the start of the month was meant for hunting, and he preferred the grounds of Grassy Vale, the shore of the Blueburn river. But then, all of a sudden, he wanted to explore the mountains of the Vale,â she wraps her hand around the hilt. âSaid he wished to reconcile, that the trip would bring us closer, made me wear a dress,â she stumbles over the words, âAnd I didnât even want to come or to see him, and all the signs were there, but I put on the stupid dress, and I was the one being so unbelievably stupid and ââ
His palm covers hers in a rush of tenderness, his gaze more telling than a poem, confessions embedded in it â so many of them, it would take all night to unravel. They stand still, their eyes locked, his affection sweeping in between his fingers and her skin.
âNone of that was your fault,â Aemond asserts. âAnd no one is to blame but him. Your fortitude is only worthy of admiration.â
Itâs alluring how unrelenting he is in his desire to please her; the shift of her body toward his is barely noticeable, and she looks a second away from giving in. Something stops her, a sign of regret on her face, her gaze averted.
âAnd yet, he continues with his life thinking he got the last laugh,â she bemoans. âAnd I fear I... will never forget the feeling of his stranglehold as long as we are both alive.â
âYou survived the unthinkable,â he tugs at her hand, caring in a way no other man ever was with her. âWhy canât it be enough?â
She ponders, hesitates, her outrage tempered by his solicitude. âI guess some lessons can only be learned the hard way,â she draws conclusion.
There it is again â the puzzling implication, a mystery wrapped in an enigma; it leaves Aemond with a sense of unease. âYou deem that lesson to be worth it?â he questions.
The truth slips away from his grasp, but her hand stays, and it is too disarming of a sensation for him to think clearly. âI am afraid itâs too soon to tell,â she deflects, her thumb pressed against the flat of the blade. She canât resist glancing briefly at it.
âYou seem to like this little thing,â Aemond observes. âIf so, you can have it.â
Her face is so bright with glee again, all the light in his room grows dim in comparison. âIâve never seen such an intricate pattern,â she clarifies shyly, then adds with appreciation: âItâs truly beautiful.â
âIt is,â heâs only looking at her.
âTeach me how to use it,â she unexpectedly asks. She looks at him again, her gaze exulting, and his heart skips a bit. âProperly.â
âAnd why would I do that?â he asks, undeniably willing.
âWhy wouldnât you?â she teases, her hand moving from his, clamping the dagger tightly.
Aemond misses the feeling â her skin against his, tighling with warmth, â and he catches her fingers in the same second. The distance between them is shortened down to a few inches; they donât seem to care.
His touches are light and feathery. âYou need to make sure your grip is strong,â he gently presses his forearm to hers, her hand positioned in his palm. âNot too tight so thereâs some room for maneuvering. But with all your fingers in place,â he gives instructions, and she eagerly follows.
The red of her dress is a striking distraction; as is the softness of its lace, of her touch, of her lips parted in wonder, her diligence bewitching. She waits, his blood rushes; Aemond gulps.
He continues. âIt is a common mistake to take a swing with a pommel up,â two of his roughened fingers latch onto her palm. âBut the backhand grip works better,â Aemond rotates her hand in the right position, a steady motion with unsteady breath; her shoulder comes in contact with his chest.
He halts all movement, she makes no attempt to step away. He wonders if she can feel... He lacks the words to describe it. But he can discern her bosom heaving with every breath, and his heartbeat is caught in his throat.
He keeps the dagger pointed down, then calmly guides it up and away, their fingers intertwined. âThis way, the point of the blade always comes first,â her eyes are on the steel, on the veins scattered on the inside of his wrist. âWhich means that the threat also comes faster,â his eye is on the curve of her neck, on the necklace gleaming, beckoning him to glance lower.
Both of them feel the pull, too spellbound to resist â she takes a half step back, he meets her halfway. Her back is now fully propped against him, every bit of his body overflushed with yearning. Their hands stay adjoined as his words vine through her hair: âYou try it.â
And so she does. The first time she repeats the movement, itâs almost reluctant, and his long tenacious fingers lead the way. He inadvertently leans in, his forearm molding into hers, a touch that edges towards embrace; her bashfulness then disappears without a trace. The metal shines coolly as she dexterously twists the blade, and Aemond should be concerned with how easy it comes to her; he is instead utterly transfixed.
She looks at him over her shoulder, his breath fanning out over her cheek, the space between them almost nonexistent. She makes a turn, torturously slow, their hands an inseparable duet, bodies longing to share heat.
âSeems like you did have some practice beforehand,â Aemond notes, voice barely above a whisper.
âOr you are a good teacher,â her eyes slip over his lips.
âAnd you are a fast learner,â he says under his breath.
This once, his gaze wanders, like a wayward traveler in search of means to satisfy his hunger; she is the one he craves. His fingers are itching for every curve of her body â sheâs burning in all the places she wishes he could touch her. The tension rises, floods their bloodstream like fever, and â
âHardly fair to leave me deal with our grandsire on my own!â Aegon bursts through the doors without knocking, a cup in his hand. âDid I ask for a lecture on table manners? I did not!â
He then sees them, already a step away from each other, and thereâs a hint of surprise in his eyes which quickly turns into suspicion. Heâs about to voice it when she blurts out: âAegon would make for a good target.â
The cup heâs holding doesnât reach his mouth. â...I beg your pardon?â
âI talked your brother into teaching me how to throw a dagger,â she lies slyly. âWould you mind stepping back to the door?â
Aegon blinks, incomprehension evident on his face for a moment, until he frowns and does move back to the door â only to open it and rush out, grumbling: âBoth of you are utterly insane.â
The second he leaves, she bursts into laughter, and the same sound, low and hearty, spills from Aemondâs lips. She glances at him â his face relaxed, cheeks adorned with dimples, and he catches her gaze. The moment is lost but their desire isnât, still swelling in both, unabated fire under the navel.
But now she tarries, her delight eclipsed by a grim understanding she chooses not to put into words. She tries giving him the dagger but Aemond gently pushes it back: âI meant it, itâs yours.â
âThank you,â she puts it into a scabbard he hands her, then murmurs, sincerely grateful: âFor listening, too.â
âI am glad to be worthy of your trust,â he replies warmly.
Thereâs a ringing urge in the back of his head to come closer to her again. But she is unanticipatedly avoidant of any intimacy, mumbling something about the late hour, moving out of his reach â and then the urge turns into a need so desperate, he canât keep it bottled up.
âI think he is the biggest fool in the Seven Kingdoms,â Aemond lets slip.
She turns to him when her hand is already on the door handle. âBecause he couldnât manage to kill a woman?â the smile she gives him is acerbic, but her gaze is sad.
âBecause he didnât love you the way you deserve,â he breathes out.
She looks astonished, her mouth falling open, and he wants nothing more than for her to say another word, just to give him a reason to spill his every feeling out. But she slumps her shoulders and purses her lips, and then pulls the handle and gets out so quickly, the door slams behind her, and the sound makes him wince.
He is left all alone, with an unsaid revelation at the base of his throat â the way I wouldâve loved you, he wanted to say. And with another heartbeat, Aemond realizes: he already does. He is already hopelessly in love with her.
>>> That realization is a ball lightning that swirls in his chest, and he cannot close the eye all night. Itâs liberating to say it to himself â love, the word that sounds and tastes so sweet; itâs also absolutely terrifying. Chaotic thoughts run through his mind, and he is racked with indecision thatâs paved with his self-doubts and fears. Amidst the chaos, Aemond finds himself reminiscing of her shining gaze â and then of a touch of her hand, of her eyes on him, of her body leaning toward and her lips not shying away from his. He couldnât have made all that up, he thinks. He also canât let fear dictate his future.
Aemond leaves the room with the first rays of the sun, while its light only shyly skims the ground, but the princeâs never been more awake. His intent is a vital force, a fuel that makes him quicken his pace. He all but runs â down the stairs, through the doors, through the castle, and out of it; her name and his proclamation on the tip of his tongueÂ
â only she isnât in the training yard.
And neither are her bow and arrows.
Anxiety scrapes his ribcage and spreads like ice, then creeps, sluggish and squeaking, into his subconscious. His gaze roves over every corner of the yard, but he canât catch the slightest hint of where to look for her.
He does break into running on his way back; the corridors and walls all flash before his eye. Her chambers greet him with her absence, the maids all share his concern. Aemond tries to look for clues â a letter, a piece of anything that once belonged to her â but she had no belongings, he remembers then.
Despair crawls out, like a predator sensing blood; Aemond isnât about to give up without a fight. He goes to question the guards â surely, she couldnât just disappear into thin air, no matter what her talents are. The men in silver-plated armor are doubtless striving to help, but only one of them recalls her visiting the yard not long before the sun emerged. That knowledge is rather scant and hardly helpful, and Aemondâs determination traitorously falters.
Help comes in the form of a stable boy passing by who gleefully chirps:
âThe lady must be a skilled hunter,â he says to no one in particular, dreamingly impressed. âNot many people stick to traditions these days.â
â...Come again?â Aemond throws him a glance so piercing, the boy stammers.
âI only m-meant that itâs a full moon,â he hurriedly explains. âThey say, on that day deer move more at night hence why the hunters favor it so much.â
Thatâs when her words resurface in his mind â
âI will do better by the next full moon.â
âLord Dykk Hersy always called himself a man of traditions.â
He thinks that for a man whoïżœïżœïżœs only lost one eye, he surely couldnât have been more blind. Because the clues heâs been so desperate to find were all before his eyes this entire time. He promptly knits together all the fragments â her tireless training, haunting memories, her asking to repair the dress. Only, the one occasion she wanted it for was not some silly dinner.
Disappointment clashes with worry in his chest as Aemond leaves the castle once more, this time with a destination in mind. He blames himself for not guessing sooner; he hopes and prays that itâs not too late.
>>>Â The grounds of Grassy Vale are robed in green, a canvas of valleys and flats with lone wooden shacks interspersing; Aemond reminds himself he didnât come for sightseeing. He gazes into fields sprawled underneath, and Vhagarâs body casts a shadow that sweeps along the earth like a water stream. With how low they are flying, it wonât be hard for any of the smallfolk to spot the dragon but Aemond canât find it in himself to care.
His gaze is searching for one person only, his longing for her immense against everything in his life thatâs been measured. But soon he sees the river, and the valleys smoothly give way to forests; Aemond admits with increasing concern that heâll have to continue on foot. Vhagar grudgingly plops into the high grass, burying her claws in the ground, the flap of her wings so strong, it brings down a couple of trees. Once their rustling is stilled, the sullen peace settles in the vale.
As if to add to his unrest, the sky gets blanketed with clouds, and he can hear the thunder humming in the distance, his heart already hammering in tact. The Gods, it seems, certainly have a penchant for drama.
The sound of the branches crackling is what catches his attention first, and he discerns heavy footsteps fast approaching. In just a second, Aemond sees a man running out of the forest, and thereâs no need to take a guess â not only does the stranger look clearly aghast, heâs also got an arrow sticking out of his shoulder.
Aemond throws him a disdainful glance but Lord Hersy is too distraught to notice. âPlease, help!â he begs and whines, âI am being chased by a mad woman!â
The prince holds back a snicker, trying not to wrinkle his nose at the sight. âOh, how unfortunate,â he drawls, and every feature of the man looks hideous to him. âA woman instilling that big of a fear? It is the rarest of things.â
Lord Hersy canât seem to share his amusement. âSheâs truly evil!â he assures with wide eyes, his legs unsteady, hand pressed to the wound, red seeping through his fingers. âShe led me into an insidious trap, and I am left completely disarmed!â
âIt sounds like it required quite a lot of planning,â Aemond notes. âMight it be that she has a reason to be cross with you?â
âI am a righteous lord, I wouldnât hurt a fly,â the man lies profusely, and a dark look crosses Aemondâs face. âMy only fault was trusting her, that scheming wenââ
With one hand movement, Aemond grabs him, his fingers holding the manâs collar so tightly, Lord Hersy has trouble breathing. âBut you are surely cross with her, it seems,â the prince remarks in a dry tone, his gaze blistering cold. Underneath the ice, thereâs a flare, a spark; he is actually enjoying this. âWould you mind, my lord, telling me more about her?â
Lord Hersy seems taken aback by the request but obeys implicitly. âSheâs n-not lacking beauty, that I will admit,â he weakly tries to free himself yet to no avail. âBut ignorant of manners and so terribly short-tempered!â
âIs it her temper you are so afraid of?â Aemond doesnât hide his mocking.
âSheâs got a dagger!â the man complains in distress. âAn angry woman armed poses a horrid threat! Gods know, Iâve done nothing to merit that mistreatment!â
He opens his mouth to accuse her some more â but then finally takes note of the frighteningly stiff look on Aemondâs face. The princeâs lips curl up into a wrathful and malignant smile, and the air gets heavy with silence.
His anger is a beast that breaks the chains with its teeth.
âHm,â Aemond shakes his head with derision. âWorry not, ser, you are in good hands,â the prince lowers his face to his, his voice spewing poison when he hisses, âIÂ was the one to give her the dagger.â
Lord Hersy does attempt to escape Aemondâs grip, heâll give him that. Pathetically and weakly he twitches and wails, tries scratching his face, then reaches for the eyepatch, wobbly fingers tugging at the stripe of leather, gasping and swearing and â
all of his efforts fall short, and Aemondâs iron grip doesnât loosen one bit.
And then, out of nowhere, another hand grabs a fistful of the lordâs hair, yanking his head back so harshly, that he gasps. They both were too distracted by the scuffle to notice her draw near, but once she reaches them â engulfed in red, her gaze equally flaming â she truly is force to reckon with. The fury looks so good on her, it makes Aemond hold his breath.
âI see your luck did finally run out,â she says to the man, words filled with resentment.
Lord Hersy grows unsure about his every accusation. âI think thereâs been a grave misunderstanding,â he protests in a whiny tone. âI deeply regret causing you any offe ââ
âI donât remember you regretting dragging me down from a horse to try and crash my skull with a rock,â her voice is low, biting. The grin that follows makes her face look sinister. âI knew you couldnât finish.â
His frown betrays his irritation â he puts it out the second he pulls out the dagger. âThere are still ways for me to make amends,â Lord Hersy pleads so sickly sweet, Aemond lets out a growl. âI made a terrible mistake, I shall admit, but I did search for you! Day and night, I prayed to the Gods to find you, I cried my eyes out!â
Her face seems empty while she listens, and Lord Hersy is enough of a fool to mistake it for reluctance. But Aemond thinks sheâs never looked more sure, and thereâs no mercy she can grant the man whose fate has long been sealed.
She tilts her head, the corners of her mouth twitch, and the prince reads this expression with ease â sheâs finally facing her most wanted target. He loosens the grip, and Lord Hersy falls to his knees, gulping air, the breath of death no longer tickling his neck; but his relief is premature.
The blade in her hand pale-glimmers in the vanishing rays of the sun â the man only catches a dreadful glint before he feels the metal pressed against his throat. Her gaze is just as sharp. âGo on then, dear lord,â she sneers without a sign of mirth, each word hastening his end, âCry me a river.â
He barely gets a breath in when she swings â unmerciful and with the backhand grip; the dagger draws a scarlet cut across his throat. The wound is deep and fatal, and the blood runs fast and thick, cascading down his chest, his body going limp and falling lifeless to the ground. The red seeps out into the grass, splashed beads of it shining dully against all the green, and itâs almost alluring to look at.
Unceasingly and invariably Aemond only looks at her.
The trees sway in the wind, and the clouds race, the sky now veiled with the darkness of the unfolding storm. Heâs never been the one to value landscapes, but it makes him think: the same lush wilderness surrounded her while she was growing up, a rose among the weeds, her thorns repellent to most but no obstacle for him. With bloodied hands, disheveled hair, dirtied clothes â sheâs still the only one he wants, irresistible as life.
She stands in reverie, her gaze boring into the huddled body of the lord: âI must admit, this is poor planning on my part.â
As if on cue, Vhagarâs roar echoes in the distance, and Aemond smirks: âI know of a way to get rid of a body.â
She hums and slightly leans over the dead man, wiping the dagger off on his coat, and Aemond sees that she ripped the dress again; he finds it funny.
âNot the best choice of clothing, I might say,â the prince notes.
She follows his gaze and doesnât even bother to adjust the damaged hem. âHe thought I came back from the dead to hunt him,â she lets out a dry laugh, âI counted on that.â
âWish I could see it,â Aemond says, a gentle admiration in his tone.
Her mask of concentration crumbles, replaced by the expression he remembers from the day before. The same astonishment mixed with timorous indecision, with a tint of shyness, washes over her face as their eyes meet.
âYou came for me,â the words fall from her mouth as if she only now becomes aware.
âWhy do you find it so surprising?â he wonders because leaving her was never an option for him.
âUnreasonable, mostly,â she bashfully remarks. âYouâve been so kind to me, and yet I left without saying goodbye.â
âYou did,â he agrees, thinking that shyness only adds to her charm.
âAnd I never told you of my plans,â she admits, even more coyly, and he just nods.
Her gaze falls, mouth unsurely half-open, as if sheâs trying to pluck the right words from the grass. He watches her, and thereâs that pull again, the flowering desire in his chest.
âI think itâs time for us to go our separate ways,â she musters out, and it knocks the air out of his lungs. Sheâs curbing her own pain, deeming it to be a relief for his. âYouâve done more than enough for me... I think your conscience should be clear.â
The wind picks up, and so does his pulse. âAnd where will you go?â Aemond asks, his voice faltering.
âI am my fatherâs only heirâ she shrugs, mostly burdened than pleased. âHe will take me back and,â she works up the courage to find his gaze again, âI wonât be a problem of yours any longer.â
The thunder is approaching, a rushing sound disrupting the peace of nature. Aemond knows he will never find peace if he lets her leave.
âSo you can go,â she offers but they both donât want it, and he instead allows himself a step to her. âIf this is what you want,â she blurts out in a shaky voice that gives away her struggle no matter how much she tries to put up a face. âIf this is what your heart desires,â she adds so quietly, she isnât sure he will hear her. But Aemond does.
Something snaps in him, and his body is an arrow shot out â he closes the distance in a heartbeat, and his lips all but crush into hers. She kisses him back with the same fervor, without a momentâs hesitation, and neither of them is timid or holding back. His hands find her waist, follow the gentle bend of it as she presses herself to him, as her mouth opens more, and his craving turns into hunger, his desire not hidden any longer, erupting right through.
Aemond grabs onto her hips, desperate to feel more, ravenous in his need, and each of his kisses is a plea for her to heed to; she does. Her fingers frantically travel up, then tangle in his hair, untieing knots of his restraint, his quivering sighs all disappearing into her mouth. There are no other sounds but their shuddering breath, their lewd touches, moans â hers or his, he canât tell.
The massive storm is brewing when they part, both breathless, their lips still brushing.
âItâs you,â his confession is hot against her mouth, âYou are the only thing I desire,â the syllables flow, pouncing like a waterfall, âHe was undeserving of you, foolish, pathetic excuse of a man, and if only Iââ
His words die down at the feeling â her fingers dancing right above his cheek. The one thatâs scarred, unloved, detested by him; the gruesome sight that was supposed to be covered by the eyepatch. He mustâve missed the moment when he lost it, too wrapped up in his anger to notice the despicable lord succeed in his attempts. Aemond canât find it in himself to ask for confirmation, to even move his hand to cover half his face.
She never looks away. And then, in the gloomy evening, she smiles â the sun rises again, a crack of dawn formed by every feature of her face. Her fingertips tenderly graze his scar.
âYou asked me once if I thought it was worth it,â she recalls, her gaze affectionate, without a shadow of a doubt. âIt was. Because I would do it all again if I knew the fate was leading me to you.â
The warmth of her touch heats him up, then ignites every part of him. Sheâs still caressing the side of his face when he reaches for her â his kiss so searing, her hand trembles, while his confidently moves to the hollow of her throat; this time, the sound of pleasure is undoubtedly hers. With his eye closed, his mouth on hers, Aemond sees the vision, bright as day: him going through the layers, lace and red, until she is all bare in his sheets, and he can put his lips to every inch of her skin. And feel her, drink her, worship her, their limbs intertwined, him drawing moans from her until the night sky lets in the first streaks of light.
He has to take a labored breath to blink the dream away, to hold his ardor back for just a little longer. By the look on her face, sheâll welcome his every offering.
âIt seems that all those years Iâve been searching in all the wrong places for you,â Aemond whispers, holding her tight in his embrace.
âBut you found me,â she follows the contour of his jaw with her finger, her smile never fading. âAnd you can have me,â she makes a vow, and her lips trail for his to seal the promise.
And no storm can compare to the love for her that rages deep in his heart.
⧠if you are into stories about revenge (enemies to lovers, with angst, fighting, and quite a bit of fire involved), I have a multi-chapter fic for you ⧠two more stories inspired by songs (modern!au): with Aemond & with Aegon ⧠my masterlist tagging @amiraisgoingthruit who was kind enough to ask (girlie, Iâm sorry this one is so enormousâŠ) also big thank you to arcielee for approving the gif it was driving me insane đ
English is not my first language, so feel free to message me if you spot any major mistakes. reblogs and comments are very much appreciated!
#aemond targaryen#it took me 3 (THREE) months to find inspiration to finish the gif and I can't say I'm 100% happy so I will take NO criticism#to the ten people who will read this â I am forever grateful (I'm sending you cups of cacao as a treat)#my stuff#aemond targaryen fanfiction#hotd fanfiction#aemond x y/n#aemond targaryen x y/n#aemond targaryen fanfics#aemond targaryen fic#aemond one eye#aemond one eye x y/n#hotd fic#house of the dragon fanfics#hotd fanfic#aemond x reader#aemond x you#aemond#aemond the kinslayer
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endless alba 49/â
#alba baptista#warrior nun#albabaptistaedit#ava silva#avatrice#no matter what happens with the crazy shit going on with the revival#i'm forever grateful that i found her through this show#and now i have someone to support going forward#whether it be in the renewal or her career on it's own#myedits#<3
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FINALLY!! At long last, I've gotten my hands on a Pumpkin Kitty, after a whole year of wanting and waiting.
Her name is Latte! (Short for Miss Pumpkin Spice Latte) You can also call her Miss Spice!
#I spent 10 minutes picking her out omfg#not even exaggerating. I was deciding between this one and one of the last 3 unstuffed PKs#altogether there was only 5 of them left in the store including the 2 stuffed displays#the other one I was looking at had a nearly perfect pumpkin eye patch but less pumpkins overall#and their face wasn't as nice plus the ears were a bit wonky for my taste.#tho it was really hard to tell which would be better while they were unstuffed and flat#in the end I chose Latte because right away she looked to have a sweet face. her ears were nice and she had better patch placement#including a couple full patches on her tail#tbh if I'd had the money I might have bought both because the decision was hard#the bear builder actually asked if I was alright while I concentrated on studying each of those damn cats#I apologized and explained wtf was up with me. she was very understanding#I've always had this quirk where sometimes it'll take forever for me to pick between plushies I really want#especially if they're both the same exact plush. because then I gitta focus harder on finding out which has the better personality#you get what I mean?#anyways this has been a thing for me even as a real little kid#I remember spending and hour-hour and a half almost every time when my dad took me to choose my monthly webkinz#âmy monthly webkinzâ god that makes me sound so privileged. it was the nicest/best thing my dad could afford to get me because we were poor#he wanted to spoil me as all good fathers do but that was the most he could afford and I was always so grateful and still am! but I digress#anyways I took way too long to pick which kitty would become my Latte#but I'm glad I had the opportunity to choose yet alone to actually see pumpkin kitty irl available for purchase#what do you guys think of her?#stuffed animals#plushies#plushblr#build a bear#BAB#pumpkin kitty
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I know that yesterday's news left us all feeling all sorts of ways, and it's totally understandable. But I want to say that I am very grateful for the community that we've built here, as well as my dear fam over at our TNAN server, you guys were a rainbow on a rainy afternoon, thank you.
Good omens is ours, people. Whether we get 90 minutes of it or 900.
#I am not going to start tagging people cause i will forget at least half of them#but you guys know who you are#I'm forever grateful#good omens fandom#good omens#good omens s3#good omens season 3#gomens fandom#fandom#itsscottiesstark posts#the nice and accurate network#tnan server#good omens discord server
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Tysm for 205 Followers!! :D
#No srsly I'm so Happy on How I Quickly Reached 200+ Followers :')#I'll be Forever Grateful for this Moment :3#*Kidnaps all the 205 of u peopl cutely* /j#Y'all are very Cool and I hope y'all are Doing well :)#Not Twomp Related
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2023 AMV Review
[2022]
After posting my first DaVinci Resolve AMV in April 2022, video editing quickly became one of my favorite hobbies, and this new life development actively characterized my 2023. Be it working on a project to mix the HD, remastered footage of Detective Conan with the old FUNimation English dub or piecing together AMVs, much of my free time throughout the year was devoted to video editing.
A broken computer for several weeks in the summer meant that I couldn't edit as many videos as I would have wanted, but I still progressed and learned a lot. I mixed 70 episodes of HD English dub, I made a YouTube channel, I participated in video collaborations (3! Here, here, and here!), and I tried so many new things as an editor, including but not limited to:
đŹ Glitching VHS effects (seen in "Mohan Kaitou" and "Poison Tree" above, and helped by my acquisition of a VCR, which allowed me to digitize my Detective Conan VHS tapes)
đŹ Karaoke subtitle files that can be toggled on and off on YouTube, created with the help of YTSubConverter (Would anyone be interested in a process post?)
đŹ 3D camera typography (the "so alone" in "Corridors of Time")
đŹFollower text (the "we'd never known" in "Corridors of Time")
đŹ Solid color transitions ("I Wish That I Could Tell You")
đŹ Circle animations ("Corridors of Time")
đŹ Masked transitions ("Mohan Kaitou," "Poison Tree")
đŹ Eye zoom transitions ("Mohan Kaitou," "Child," "Monsters," "Poison Tree")
đŹ Ink splats ("Corridors of Time," "Head Above Water")
đŹ Selective red coloring ("Poison Tree")
đŹ More thoughtful compositions, and fudging sizing and placement for compositional reasons (the handkerchief transition in "Child," the movement of the scenes behind Ran in "Monsters," the liquid flowing in "Poison Tree")
đŹChanging the color of something (the red eyes in "Poison Tree")
đŹ Static masks ("Poison Tree")
đŹ Masking out objects (any [adult swim] logos from VHS footage that didn't come from my Japanese VHS tapes in "Poison Tree")
đŹAnd though it's not depicted in the snippet above, a CRT and curved TV screen effect for the TV at the end of the full "Poison Tree"
While I was only able to complete 9 AMVs (and the "Messed Up" AMV sadly isn't included in the snippets above, as it remains incomplete), I'm so excited to make more in 2024 with all the new tools in my toolbox!
#ramblings#long post#video#eye strain#blood#injury#amv#i really really wish i got more videos done (so sad i missed coai week because of my broken computer!)#but i feel like i made a lot of progress!#i can't believe i only started doing some of these things (like the karaoke subs) this year#because it feels like i've been doing them for forever#i also really super benefited from the video collabs#my youtube channel was made almost entirely because i wanted to participate in video collabs so i'm so so happy that i got to be part of 3!#the feedback i received in those collabs helped me *immensely* and i'm so grateful for the patience of the other editors đ#looking forward to editing more in 2024! thank you for all the support as i figure this video editing thing out!#detective conan
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AHHHHH following a fabulous Beta round, a shiny and improved draft of Voxalion Ilsair: Grave of Gods is ready to go to My Lovely Agent (MLA)
Liesmyth is with MLA and almost ready to go on subs
Somnus Sancti: The Sandman School for Insomniac Youth is well underway with 30K+ words of a first draft, and counting! My goal is to get it through a Beta round and off to MLA within the year.
Is this.... progress?????
#my writing#amwriting#writeblr#writeblr update#radley writes#MLA has been incredibly understanding of Health Crap and Life Crap and I am forever grateful#:YELLS INTO VOID:#I need to start uhhhh talking about my projects more#I promise I am working on A LOT of stuff#I'm just very busy with studying brains and radiation and stuff#and have 0 energy for social media#but there's a lot happening behind the scenes!! If anyone wants to know anything about those three projects do feel free to shoot asks :3#I wanna yell
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youtube
Joanna Newsom, The Air Again, Masonic Lodge at Hollywood Forever, Night 2, May 16, 2024
#the epicness of this omg#joanna newsom#idk what to post even all the songs old and new sound amazing i'm forever in awe of her#her setlists are as always unparalleled#the air again#strings/keys reincidence#reincidence 2#the og also has gorgeous vids of the first night too#love joanna#jnew#i'm so grateful to everyone sharing all these little bits <3#Youtube
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Ok so I follow you because of your amazing analyzing and theories of twilight, but it's gotten to a point I have to consider reading your stories, and besides a Paul lahote story here or there over the years, I haven't really read twilight stories, especially ones that aren't about the Wolfpack.
I'm scared. So I wanted to ask about yours, what is it like?
Is it crazy like full of plot twists and insanity and madness covered into brilliance (the good kind) or crazy in a way that I start liking bella and edward (the terrifying part)?
(If you answer this, please consider the fact it might actually make me reread twilight (the original) and start ranting worse. For both our sanities, is it smart?)
Is it crazy like full of plot twists and insanity and madness covered into brilliance (the good kind) or crazy in a way that I start liking bella and edward (the terrifying part)?
both! liking Bella & Edward is THE biggest plot twist of this saga LOL. i'm not really one to hype my work so bear with me. here's the difference between Twilight & In The Afterlight:
the familiar:
setting. rainy rural PNW vibes
rough plot. girl meets vampire. vampire wants to kill her. love ensues. it starts you off in familiar territory, then slowly peels away as the story progresses. you'll find enough of the "iconic" scenes to keep you oriented in nostalgia, but not so much that you feel chained to the original book.
characters. no OCs. Bella & Edward are somewhat OOC, but their core traits are still intact.
the unfamiliar(ish):
Bella's personality. i think it was @blurry-walker who made this excellent point: we're supposed to like Bella because of how she's described, not by how she acts. Bella is not really selfless, mature, observant, compassionate, intellectual, or self-aware. which would be fine... if that were the author's intention. i've tried making Bella a mix between how she's described & how she acts: selfless, contemplative, & stubborn, with a sense of humor. & i threw in a backstory & hobbies - i.e, drawing, music, reading - so she has a life besides Edward. (she can still act like she's 18 tho. as a treat.)
Edward's personality. no stalking, no anger issues or mood swings, no misogyny, no invalidation of Bella's choices, no militant chastity. just a vampire who's lost his way & startled to discover he is every bit a part of this world as Bella. more humorous, more overwrought/ romantic, more contemplative.
the result is a relationship that's rooted in mutual respect, common interests & values, & genuine companionship. they talk about philosophy, they exchange mixtapes, they tease each other, & have slightly less self-control when it comes to sexual intimacy
James/Victoria plotline
twilight is less fairytale, more gothic horror
deeper thematic discussions (bc i think they're neat! :D). what does it mean to be you? how do you find yourself again when you're lost? what's the secret to keeping your humanity in death?
vampire/Cullen lore. what's the difference between a golden-eyed vampire and a red-eyed one? what are "la tua cantantes" and "mates"? why are the Cullens going to high school? what's the Cullen-Volturi relationship like? who are the Cullens, really? i'm trying to paint them as grayer characters & have their personalities/backstories make sense for who they are.
werewolf lore. i *hate* canon imprinting - how an imprinter loses him/herself to the imprint, how the imprintee can't say no, the fact that they imprint on CHILDREN when the theory behind imprinting is to "find the strongest genes"... NO. i hate it all. i hate that smeyer appropriates the legends of the Quileute tribe & how stereotypes/ tropes of Native people are perpetuated in this series. i especially hate the double-standards Bella puts on the pack vs the coven. justice for the wolfpack or bust
since you mentioned liking the wolfpack (same), the sequel, Come Nightfall (aka New Moon), has way more wolfpack content than the original, & we see a lot more interactions between Jake & Bella. (and Bella & Sam!)
i don't feel it's my place to tell you whether you should read this or even whether it's good. if it helps, this is what other people say:
"This⊠Was incredible. It was the kind of fanfiction that should be praised along the classics of the fandom, the kind you would want to print and put in the shelf in between Twilight and Life And Death."
"This is, to me, the epitome of great fanfiction--you took the story idea and characters and tweaked them to how you imagine it would be better as well as adding in your own flare, AND you have the story telling ability to back it up."
"You've managed to write something that not only surpasses the source material, but flies so far beyond it in nuance, craftsmanship, raw emotion and SMUT that it travelled through space and time continuum and shows no signs of stopping. Every time I think it can't get better, it does."
"I read both of your books in like 2 days; I couldnât put them down. This is some of the best writing Iâve ever read on here."
"What a gem of a story. I read it in one sitting, the best canon rewrite I've ever read. Very very clever writing, engaging plot, and the most real Bella and Edward relationship I've ever seen. Everything about it, Bella and Jacob, Sam, Alice and Bella's dynamic, Billy and Bella, everything added so much colour to this story. I can't believe this came from Meyer's twilight and New Moon. Absolutely genius."
#thank you for asking :)#i really enjoy talking about this story because i'm so passionate about it! the fact that everyone is so intrigued is just really inspiring#i hope this doesnt come across as being cocky or bragging#i just really love this story and love that other people do too :) <3#it just makes me sing im so grateful for everyone and for this experience#i love writing so much i could talk about it forever it's just the best thing on earth ahhhhhhh <333333333333#it was especially nice to reread through comments people left me because i've been having a hard time & this was a great pick-me-up#please don't take this to mean you should reread twilight#for the love of god please don't reread twilight#you don't have to read this fic but please please please twilight will not be better on your next read-through TRUST ME
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Reading moodboard #84430940 (Patreon)
#Doodles#I wonder what this is in reference to lol - could be anything really!#Bit funny actually - I was reading something else in overlap at the time - a fic from another fandom though it ended up not being for me#Different authors just speak to different people! It was fun to come back to something familiar and realize Just how much I appreciate it ah#Novel and familiar! My very favourite <3 And of course it was a wonderful experience on top of that hehe âȘâ«#Numbers lol - I really have done way too much age headcanon math pfft#I just love timelines! And even if the hints aren't exact they /are/ hints and I'm going to use them!!#The numbers that are established are such fun markers - and using characterization as hints towards how many years have passed! Ah! âȘ#Like how it's definitely possible that Max took a two year but considering his family he was probably pushed to do a four year#There's no confirmation either way but it's just so fun to consider what they'd do based on how they're written!#These are the kind of written math problems I enjoy hehe#I was being a bit self-deprecating for that doodle actually tho lol - art mimics life and all that pfft#Also confirmation of him being a Lit Major â€ïžđđđđ Small details give me big love you must understand this lol#As evidenced lol âȘ Adding to my playlist definitely didn't help it very strongly upgraded to Big Love for like a week straight lol#Terrible âȘ Couldn't stand it <3 Genuinely painful â«#Lol - ''finding'' more - it's what had my blood on fire! I'm so grateful for mirrors#Anyone who's been following me for a while knows I have this whole thing about Legacy and what you leave behind and the internet in general#That the internet is forever except when it's not - that plenty of things get deleted or lost etc. etc. and it makes me very sad :(#So seeing that there was an in-built preservation - it only saved Some things but anything saved is precious!! It made me very happy <3#And then finishing off đđ Beautifully heartbreaking ah#Even skim-reading later made me cry again! It's deeply affecting hhh#Another experience I'm so happy to be able to have â„ Another tally on the wall haha <3
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oops had a wee bit of a bad day in a sense- only realized it now tbh, subconsciously my mind won't let me do things that are relaxing when I'm at home. Like for instance, I never take off my shoes. I wake up, put my shoes on and leave them on (I just took them off now at 11pm) When told I can take my shoes off I say "I know~" then proceed to act as if I never heard them say that. I won't hang around in my pjs, I tell people its because I don't feel productive in my pjs but thats a lie. sometimes I fall asleep fully clothed.
"Why do you have your keys in your pocket?" "I like jingling" more lies.
Why do you have this backpack full of stuff? Oh that's always ready for when I decide to spend the night at my best friends. Lie lie lie.
I'm constantly in my shoes and always dressed in case something goes wrong. I always have my keys on my person in case I need to run far away really fast and I dunno what time would be safe to come home. I have a backpack always packed in case I need to leave for the night because its not safe for me.
All of these are relics from my past. I know I'm safe here. I know nobody is going to hurt me but my brain has already set up a defense to run if I need too.
As I sat here, realizing how fucking stupid I am, as I was untying my shoes that I've had on since 6:30am I started to think about Ben tbh..
He wouldn't call this stupid or silly... He would make me feel safe. He would reassure me I was safe a million times over as he helped me take my shoes off because I am too hesitant to do it myself.
He would help me get ready for the night, helping me out of my clothes and into something comfortable all while kissing random spots on my jaw, neck, shoulders, reiterating that I'm safe and that he won't let anything or anyone hurt me.
Even then, he would snuggle up with me in bed, run his fingers through my hair and tell me how much I mean to him and that he wouldn't ever do anything to hurt me, physically or emotionally. He was there for me no matter what I was going through he would always be there to try to help me through it...
He understands what I went through was hard and I have a lasting trauma that won't simply go away overnight.
He makes me feel seen, loved, understood, and most importantly, he makes me feel safe, safer than I've ever felt-
#long post sorry..#Wanted to get this out- because yeah like I said... I realized I was about to pass out fully clothed and in my shoes with my stupid keys in#my pocket--#So how I coped with getting ready for bed was thinking of Ben and it helped me a lot. It was still hard but I managed <3 He helps me so muc#I'm forever grateful to him. <3#not rebloggable because its personal-#tw: trauma#tw: implied abuse mention#vent.tw#<- kinda#I'm going to try and get some sleep
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