#i'm feeling rantish

[edensrose]

The slow realisation that my family probably won't miss me for long if I were to disappear / die hits deep when you realise you'd be absolutely lost and lonely and in despair if they were to go

[sevensins-stuff]

I miss the characters obey me used to have...

[sephirothsplaything]

OC CHARACTER ANALYSIS (HOTD)

a/n: idk rantish brainrot about my house of the dragon oc! If this interests you read my fanfic here!

Weirdly enough, I don't have an exact picture of what Rhaella Targaryen looks like to me, she's a faceless character. One thing that's very important to me is her sharp, eyes. I describe them often in my story. Rhaella has very dead looking eyes.

But this is the face claim I use for editing purposes!

Honestly, this actress and her small facial expressions perfectly capture how Rhaella is; Always listening, and thinking but hardly sparing her often dark thoughts.

Rhaella, from childhood, has always been an emotionally stunted individual. Logically, she can understand other's feelings but she often is slow to react, no matter if it's someone that she cares about.

Due to this fact, she displays her love in a spectrum of minimal to obsessive actions; EX: she wouldn't apologize to Rhaena but rather preferred her to curse her name. (yeah shes a little insane!)

Rhaella was very close with her mother, as she was the youngest child. But because of this fact, her view of Laena is quite skewered, I really think Rhaella hardly remembers what she looks like.

Now..her father Daemon sigh. Rhaella is basically all the worst parts of Daemon. I think Daemon views Rhaella as yet another girl he has ruined,hence why he often avoids her. But Rhaella does not understand this yet. (I'd like to go into more detail but that would spoil my fanfic!)

Rhaella loves her sisters to death and quite literally and often kills for them. Baela is the sister she goes to pertaining to war and harsher things, because in Rhaella's mind...it's not something Rhaena can handle. Rhaena and Rhaella are clearly closer but as of now, their relationship will slowly strain itself.

I could genuinely write an essay about Rhaella and Aemond. They were both born without dragons so they naturally bonded, but it's kind of more than that. They are the same, which would be great if they were on the same side.

Rhaella cannot fully grasp love for whatever reason, She thinks she loves Aemond, and maybe she does. But at one point in my fanfic, it shifts to a tainted obsession as most things are for Rhaella.

Aemond, similarly is equally obsessed with Rhaella. I took a stab at his pov in ch12. He wants her to submit, even though he knows she never would, which is more enthralling to him. Rhaella and Aemond in act 2 go band for band in trying to break each other mentally how romantic! In theory they are both the worst and very perfect for each other.

Erm so yah! There's also the element of godhood and magic in Rhaella's life that i'm gonna leave out cuz its still in development.

But yes it has a big effect on her character and how it will change her in awful ways.

[genocidalfetus]

brain rot rantish

Kerry's Yacht Song just came up on my work playlist...now I'm in my feels and I hate it. I don't know if this new ending is going to be my canon...im hoping CDPR didn't just pull a BioWare on us(aka the real ending being the expansion one) because....no. You don't give your players cliffhanger endings and do nothing with them, then put the TRUE ending behind a paywall and have it be...that. That's shitty storytelling and that's basically shitting down the throats of those who chose differently, punishing the players who want their character to live.

I'm hoping this isn't their way of telling us that they're forgetting about V...

Ugh. I hate the internet sometimes.

[schizochasm]

Somehow it feels good that I'll f4st til Saturday.

(TW; Ed af. Mainly cut for convenience. Rantish)

It lets me get a little lower still.

I fully plan on setting my reverse dieting plan into action then.

But it's comforting that I have to f4st til then.

I want to, and am planning to, recover.

But that doesn't mean I don't wanna go lower still.

I wanna be 63.xkg.

Thats my goal at least.

But Ive realised I should stop.

That I'm th1n enough.

That I'm already sk1nny.

I just...

Want it.

To feel like I didn't stop right before my goal.

But even if I don't get there, I'll recover on Saturday.

As much as I want it. I don't wanna end up dead accidentally.

I'm playing with fire and I know it.

And I know I'm smaller than I think.

I'll never truly be happy with it.

I just want that number.

But it's stupid to put my validity of my 3d into a number.

It's stupid to aim for a number just cause it's "the number."

I could drop dead any moment from what I've done and am doing to myself.

All this will have been for nothing.

And I'm gonna get my kc4ls back up and work out.

I can fix the rest by getting toned and fit.

I have to remember that.

It's good enough.

I'm th1n enough.

I'm valid.

It doesn't mean I failed or gave up.

I lost over 40kg.

It's enough.

I have to give myself the grace I give everyone else.

But getting to do one last f4st gives me closure.

And a sense of ease.

It'll be hard to recover.

I've been doing this for an entire year.

But I can do it.

I can pick this fight.

With myself.

And with my illness.

And with him.

I can do this.

Losing all this w3ight was something I did. Without substances. Without assistance. With pure will.

If I could do that, I can recover too.

I'm strong enough.

One last f4st.

And I'll post my journey and my stats on Saturday.

Along with a proper announcement post.

And my plan. More elaborate.

I planned this out a month ago at least.

I know Exactly what I'll post and what I'll do.

Sorry for the ramble.

Thank you for reading.

💕

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

Rantish identity stuff below

Weird being nonbinary while never internally identifying as anything other than nonbinary bc I've technically been socially transitioning bc everyone sees me as a woman (though some see me as a woman Freak) and I have to explain otherwise, esp because I would say I was a woman before bc i didn't want to make my life complicated. So like, I know I'm technically trans but it feels wrong to call myself trans because I'm still the same? I just live that way in public as well now. I'm not cis, but I don't feel right calling myself trans either because I feel the same as I always have, I'm just open about it now. I know a lot of people are that way and consider themselves trans (and they are trans), but idk if I would consider MYSELF trans even though I'm not cis? It feels like stepping on other people's turf idk. Maybe it's because people perceive me as a woman? Even though that makes me feel extremely dysphoric. Like, part of my social anxiety has always come from that. It used to not be as much of a problem (bc I was seen more often as Freak rather than woman or woman Freak) but idk. Who knows.

[mimikoflamemaker]

I am really trying to not get worked up by things that I have virtually no influence over (btw I really think more people should try that with the benefit to them and their surroundings) - and, while, mostly I am perfectly able to say f-it, there are still things that, when heard repeatedly, make me want to flip.

Now, to further preface this short rant, I would like to say huge heartfelt FUCK YOU to media whether traditional or online - are you having fun? Great, I hope your servers will burn or something.

I have MSc in biotechnology. Microbiology was my absolute favorite field of study ever since I was introduced to it.

And probably because I am a little more knowledge in the area, I really can't stop the surge of irritation whenever I hear someone who obviously has no idea what they are saying droning on about the plague explicitly for the sake of sowing fear.

One - people get desensitized to such things fairly quickly. We have some really impressive adaptive abilities as a spices - one of it is protecting our sanity by 'switching off '. So are some of the people without masks we see out there ignorant morons? Sure they are. but the majority is just so perpetually stressed by lockdowns and news droning on about how freaking bad it is, that they just "noped out" for the sake of their sanity.

I know I turned off my TV just for that a long time ago.

Two - I am NOT saying that the plague is not a thing. It absolutely is. Just as every new variant - we have science for that. But that same since and knowledge of viruses teaches us that there will be approximately a million more variants if we keep the nitpicking on. Because - and I am greatly simplifying this - due to the very nature of viruses, each time they leave a new host, they are a little different so 'essentially' are a mutant of the initial strain.

So those new variants will keep popping. And popping. And popping... And those interested in keeping the hysteria going - I let you answer yourself for what gain - will use it. Squeeze the last drop of proverbial juice out. The "gain" is after all the most important.

The good thing? From the scientific point of view viruses change towards becoming milder - and that is also what I heard about the omikron - so in time, nature itself will straighten itself up.

That is not being said to discourage vaccination - you absolutely SHOULD get a shot since it may mean, that you are not going to suffocate in a hospital bed or invite your dear grandma to her untimely funeral. Less sick people means less spread, and less spread means less variants - and hopefully less panic from the media.

Because, I am afraid that as long as they will have a fuel, they will keep going and stressing people out.

And stressed and tired people are much more prone to start believing in all sorts of conspiracy BS - I already started to see this in my neighbors. THIS is what scares me.

Because the last thing we need in the world of increasing pandemic risk - is for people to stop believing in science.

[soup-crime]

I've needed chapstick for like all of last month and I finally got some and I remember why I don't like chapstick.

[age-regressor-culture-is]

I'm kind of scared... is it weird to be an age regressor? Like, do I belong in places that are 13+?

Short answer: It's not weird, you shouldn't be scared, and as long as you are physically over the age of 13 you belong in 13+ spaces.

Long answer: I mean, it is weird. Is it healthy? Yes. Is it valid? Yes. Is it something that a lot of people do and is it something that you shouldn't be worried about or scared of? Yes! But is it also inherently kinda weird? Yeah. But just about everything is weird, if you think about it, and that doesn't stop you from doing those things, so why should it stop you from age regressing?

As long as it's helping you, and it's healthy, it's a totally fine and good thing to do, no matter how weird it might seem. For an example, I carry a stuffed animal everywhere with me, because it helps ease anxiety and stress, and makes me feel safer. I'm never out of the house without one. And that's pretty weird! But it helps me, so it doesn't matter that it's weird. Everything in the entire world is weird to someone and normal doesn't exist so why try and hold yourself to a standard that doesn't exist?

(sorry if that got a little rantish, I am very passionate about the idea of weirdness and being unapologetically yourself)

[emmet-kinnie]

Hey! Kind of ventish/rantish??

About the reblogged post, "Be careful with your HCs of the submas twins"

I'm currently trying to look at my own Emmet and I'm afraid I make him too cute

I've been using Emmet as a sona of some kinds, but I am afraid this may be harmful due to me making him too cutish. I don't wish to "babyfie" Emmet in any shape or form! The Emmet in this blog reflects a lot of me personally. (This Emmet has no specific age. But is most definitely a minor. Since I'm projecting a lot here. And I am indeed, a minor still. Yet I have a messed up timeline if that's the case. I'll be looking to fixing this!) And I dont wish to ever make any kind of harmful content.

I'm a mentally ill person, I have issues and ways of acting much like the Emmet that is in this blog has. But, please note that, if my portrait of Emmet, or Ingo, for that matter, may be harmful, feel free to DM me and I'll keep an absolute open mind and fix anything I can in my works!

I'll be working on redesigning Emmet a little more, make them less "babey" and add up to them! Perhaps establish an actual age for them and a proper timeline of sorts!

I'm sorry if I caused any harm, I'll be working to fix any issues in my portrait of Emmet <:)

This is a kinnie blog, there will always be a LOT of personal projecting onto this Emmet, but i'm looking forward to do this in a non harmful way, and perhaps help around the stigma about mental illnesses!

-Mod Emmet

[tirednerd2012]

Rantish post. Mentions of a past abusive relationship so don't look if it could be triggering I just need this off my chest. Seriously guys I'm freaking out a bit.

I came back to school last night and went to church this morning. I haven't been in about two weeks and the members greeted me back and we caught up and I was even congratulated for my engagement to my now fiance (who is also a member of this church.) I was thrilled to be back because I love going there and I miss it when I travel.

Well a girl my age started dating again and she brought her boyfriend, who is my ex. Apparently he transfered to a nearby college from mine where she goes and they're in the same major and met this semester, but didn't start dating until now.

It felt surreal to see him. Especially in my safe place. It took everything in me not to freak out in front of the kids. I had to leave to compose myself and one of the pastors ended up finding me in one of the rooms bawling my eyes out.

My ex abused me when we were together. He put his hands on me and would leave bruises on my wrists just from grabbing me. He held me back once after my surgery knowing if I moved my leg he was up against it could break/the scar could reopen as it wasn't healed. He sexually assaulted me after I met his parents. And to see him in my safe place sent me on a downward spiral. I explained all of this to my pastor who then grabbed the girl he was dating and we explained this to her and I was crying more. I was able to show her old conversations where he called me every name in the book.

Now keep in mind I don't live too far away from home and I kind of knew he liked the nearby school but when I was applying to colleges he was in the military so I wasn't too concerned about him transferring there. He liked a lot of schools.

This girl cried, though. Turns out he was showing early signs of abuse towards her like he did me and she ended things with him with all of the elders and deacons (4 men total) present and I didn't see him after that. I have him blocked on everything and he doesn't know where I live, only where I go to school and it's a decent size campus. But I'm worried for her and I'm worried he will try something.

I hate that I couldn't feel safe in my favorite place and I hate that he was trying this with the girl. It's been years since I've seen him and I was hoping maybe he had changed.

I'm scared he's going to find me. My campus is decent size but what if he comes around and just eventually does? He went out of his way to find this blog a few months ago.

My fiance and friends are telling me it'll be okay and my fiance is coming up again this upcoming weekend just in case he tries to come back to the church but our pastors did tell my ex that he wasn't welcomed at our location because they were prioritizing safety, but they would be willing to help him find a church. I know they're monitoring the situation as best as they can.

The girl is going to her public safety in the morning to talk to them about the situation and she may be escorted around campus.

Idk not how I pictured coming back.

I didn't even realize how afraid I still am of him until he was in the same room as me. He didn't say anything but he locked eyes with me and kept giving me dirty looks.

I'm feeling a little better now. I'm probably going to go to public safety in the morning as well just to discuss my concerns and it is possible to get him banned from my campus as he is not a student and wouldn't have any reason to be here, but I'm not sure. I just laid in bed with my doors locked and cried to my fiance about it after he called me. I didn't even tell him right away a mutual friend at the church (who was helping me a lot this morning) mentioned it to him.

[badassbiburgerbob]

Just a personal rantish/story thing

I love reading Queer stories and comics. Some are about being queer and some are not.

But I always sort of tear up at the closeted queer plots. Especially the ones where the character goes through a hard time and doesn't know who to go to or only has one person they can go to. Even though there are a lot of other characters that do genuinely care about them.

Because I was there. I was still closeted to my entire family and most of my classmates and friends when my girlfriend broke up with me. I had three friends who knew i was bi and none of them were close friends.

I cried in the bathroom harder than I've ever done before or since. I slept a lot, failed two exams and missed a few classes. Had a full breakdown in my professors office when he called me in and asked what the hell was wrong. And I told him, an old Greek strict guy whose name no one could pronounce so we called him Dr Demos, that my girlfriend broke my heart and I couldn't tell anyone. I had family and friends but I couldn't tell them how devastated I really was. His brother was gay as it turned out. Hed been closeted for most of his life. It was a surprisingly good talk. They didn't have to know everything about me and I would be ok and I'm too smart to fail his class.

I think it's a special kind if hurt. Literally being alone surrounded by people who love you because you don't know how conditional that love is. And it hurts and it sucks. Because it was bad enough not feeling able to tell everyone how much I loved this person, but then to not feel able to tell them that the person I loved so much didn't love me back and maybe never had. Having to act normal or convince them all that I was just tired because 'college'

I was just reading a beautiful comic. Its called the four of them, on webtoon. But I had to put it down for a sec, because I related. I think many, if not most, of us queer folk do.

Closeted queer heartbrake is on a whole nother level. It's sorrowful, and lonely and devastating and it left me for weeks with numbness that I don't wish on anyone.

[kinkandkreep]

Honestly I dislike reader inserts too. Although I read fanfic I don't like imagining myself in those scenarios. So while reading an y/n type story I usually just make up a character in my head instead of using myself.

Right, I understand. I think I'm like you, and I actually do the same thing. Here's my reasoning:

I'm the kind of person who likes finality/certainty, and reader inserts leave things too up in the air for me, if that makes sense. Also, and this sounds kinda bad but I promise I mean no offense to other writers, I oftentimes find myself offended by the choices some writers make y/n...make, because they'll generally choose the path of least resistance (take Yandere stories for instance) or make the most predictable decisions/have the most predictable reaction, and that...urks me, for some reason, leaving me unable to read and enjoy the story.😂😂 I really think it's because of my personality.

I'm sorry, I feel like that was kinda rantish but I definitely get what you sayin'.😅

Also, I appreciate your input!😊 I've got a couple OC's/OC related stories I'd love to introduce y'all too. Hopefully you'll stick around and give me your feedback on those as well!

[ace-and-aro-support-group]

(Rantish) Just wanna say this cuz I need to say this bc irl I either cant or people don't listen: I'm Bi/quoiromantic. I can fall in love with basically anyone, but 99% of time I won't know I'm in love. I'm also Ace. I am NOT AroAce. It is NOT the same thing. I am very tired of everyone who think I am an ignorant/got internalized phobia against being aro and/or Ace. Bc I don't. I just hate sex and have a hard time separating wanting to be someones best friend and wanting to be someones partner.

Your feelings and identity are valid. You're doing great and living your best life. No matter what anyone says, you're you, and that's enough. -Kass

[torchstelechos]

why is it so hard to do things lately???? Ugh, my emotions are the basic equivalent of paint drying on a wall. Slow and boring. ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET A BETTER GRADE JESUS CHRIST WHY IS THAT SO HARD????? T-T

[leinbow]

Hey!! I love your blogs! (I know of 3) I'm just wondering if you have any tips on your time management? Like how you balance your family/friends/partner with drawing and language study as well as other hobbies?

Thank you!! For your question, time management... I don’t have it.

Really, I’m not good with managing my time. In fact, I suck at it. That’s probably why I can sometimes do this stuff, and then there’s going to be periods of time where I don’t because I’m too busy.

More shit under the cut because it’s long and rantish. Sorry in advance.

I don’t get enough sleep. That’s the real reason. And it’s bad, really bad, because you will feel like shit everyday. Then you feel like shit, so you do your hobbies to make you feel better, but then you don’t get enough sleep again. :/ Tough life... haha

I only sleep like 3-4 hours a day. My work takes about half of my day, then there’s also IRL stuff to do which also takes time (and it should), then an hour or two for hobbies. Well on my days off work I can do more hobby-related things, but also not really because I spend more of that time with the family. So yeah.

The reason why I can use Tumblr, reddit or other things online that doesn’t require drawing is because of downtime when at work. To be vague, I am a manager in an office so my work consists of writing reports, making sure my employees are meeting their quotas, giving advice and guidelines, reporting to my boss if something comes up so they can report to their boss, etc. Think of like a stereotypical, clerical setting with a manager lady walking around cubicles and shit, that’s me, the only difference is I don’t watch my employees like a hawk. As long as we all do our job and meet quotas, they can do whatever they want.

So most of the time I’m in front of my computer and that’s where shitposting comes in lmao. Sadly can’t draw while at work. If only I could then maybe I would get lots more done.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it only seems I got lots of free time, but I actually don’t. And I really, really should have a planner because doing this everyday is not healthy to both the body and mind. It’s stressful and frustrating. I’m even surprised myself that I got this far. Haha

So yeah, do not imitate this. If you’re only a student right now, I’m telling you make sure you budget your time well, it’s going to be tougher when you both have a full-time job and a family to take care of. I’m lucky in the sense that my husband lets me do anything I want because he knows I’m stressed from work (I’m a workaholic, super unbelievable with the amount of shitpost I do) so that’s less things to worry about, but still not enough time to do other things, you know? I can’t even play video games anymore ;_; it’s either I choose drawing or video games for my hobby and guess what I choose most of the time.

HA HA HA HA