#i'm experimenting with some poetry tools

[inkskinned]

my father told me he read it, but he hasn't read it. that's okay. my friends keep picking the words out of my throat.

someone once told me that the more trigger warnings that go on a book, the better it is. i didn't mean to write something with so many conditional phrases - i was writing about what i felt while being a human. sometimes you are a person and sometimes you are a statistic. sometimes it is falling upwards and sometimes it's sliding back down again.

my father tells me that it will be difficult to get people to read it. i didn't like the idea of a singular genre. i'm not going to lie to you - it is actually a difficult book to get through. i change the rules in it. it's not poetry or prose explicitly. it's neither false nor reality. i give you the tools to "solve" the book, but i let you do the thinking. my father says people don't care to think. i don't know about that - i think we just, like, enjoy reading.

the thing is - i was tired of stories about survival where someone with depression goes to therapy and wakes up okay. i didn't live like that. i was tired of books about violence, where the gore of what i experience was splashed in glitter to lick off the page. like, i was a person, you know? i had a life and a job and a family. and in books, i watched my story get ripped up so people could explore the viscera of my body. so they could feel good. my brother once called it inspiration pornography. we had walked out of a suicide-prevention seminar, both of us disgusted while the increasingly-elated presenter kept listing methods-of. i remember the look on my brother's face. like i would tear that man apart given the right time and place.

my father says that kids these days. he warns me against writing about things that are too-serious. he says that they don't want it. i don't listen. he does make me take out a scene from the book where i go to church after having sex with a woman. it used to be the 7th scene in the book. i don't think he's read further than that, it rocked him too hard to continue.

it's a book about being queer. it's a book about being raised catholic. it doesn't have monsterfucking, i'm sorry. it's just about, like.

at some point you have to choose to stay here. and then you do have to stay here, which takes practice. this is about forming the habit. this is about what happens after you've already started doing the work. because, like. you keep going. you have to. and it's like. very imperfect.

i should make a post on instagram. i should make this announcement less bittersweet. but like -- i'm giving it you, specifically, because i think you know why i had to write it. you and me. this little community.

body's a bad monster. here's the link if you're interested in ordering.

[earthsparked]

I’ve been a semi-frequent lurker for a few months and I just wanted to tell you how much I love your content. I have a hard time finding anything reader-insert for transformers that isn’t nsfw, and it’s even harder to find platonic stuff.

Not trying to judge the people who like spicy stuff, but I just want to be friends with the giant space robots and I’m glad there’s content for that :3

I want to hangout, not make out lol

Aw, thank you!! I'm so glad! I am really really happy others are enjoying! <333

Hanging out with the mechs would be so damn good. Once you get past the initial hesitation and introductions, and they figure out that having humans around is good for everyone, they'd be like First Aid. Setting up little human traps to lure you into spending time around them.

Drift's is a little austere but so cozy. He carefully selected seating in colors that are supposed to be calming. There's a shelf of poetry books, and some art supplies and adult coloring books, and blank notebooks so you can express yourself. He's adjusted the lights to be warm and not too bright.

Hot Rod's has a minifridge full of every kind of junk food imaginable, a giant pile of cushions all in his own colors, and an absolutely massive television with a bunch of game systems. The game systems have racing and fighting and football games (and Animal Crossing).

First Aid has several scattered around the medbay, all equipped with water bottles, fruit, earplugs (!!!) and noise-canceling headphones, and a white noise machine. A few weighted blankets, and some carefully selected memory foam beds. There's even canopies to shade out the infirmary lights and drapes you can close to feel enclosed and safe. At least one is tucked into the wall, and they're all carefully out of range of mech feet.

Ratchet does not have any. He gets swarmed by humans anyway.

Optimus Prime is never in one place long enough to maintain a human trap, but he has a sleeper cab that is tricked tf OUT with pillows and fairy lights and books. Minifridge is empty but he always gets groceries delivered if you're coming with him somewhere. There's even some "Learn To ____" craft kits with things like crochet and knitting supplies. And, because a human specifically asked for it, translations of Megatron's early revolutionary works. Talking with humans about it has been surprisingly healing...

Jazz has the most elaborate setup, created for a lot of people to hang out at the same time. He has a whole arcade with BeatSaber, DDR and those sit-on racing games, a stupid huge sound system, movie theater with giant couches you just sink into. There's a popcorn machine and a drink station. (Prowl is pretty sure Jazz just stole the contents of a movie theater, but hasn't been able to prove it.) There are also a bunch of music instruments if you want to play, or learn to play.

Prowl has a human-sized desk for working, a leather couch, the fastest internet you ever saw in your life, every single streaming service, and a coffee bar. It's very quiet, very simple, but you absolutely won't be bothered by anyone else. Prowl will probably not even acknowledge you. It's the ultimate for parallel play.

Bumblebee would rather kidnap you and take you on patrol to where ever you want to go, so he can get you out of the base. There's a whole world out there! He carries extra changes of clothes and shoes and some toiletries in case you end up staying out a long time.

Hound has a little oasis that's practically an indoor temperate forest. Lots of plants, a huge indoor pond with fish and a fountain, a bench to sit on and bask in the light from a skylight. He'd probably invite you to help tend the plants and fish. Offer you some fresh-grown fruit from the trees.

Wheeljack's is officially considered a health hazard. There's boxes and boxes of spare parts and tools to play around with, spare chemicals for experimenting, lots of science texts from Cybertron that he translated (poorly) into Earth languages. A fire extinguisher (Red Alert insisted) and a first aid kit (First Aid insisted). Though most of the time if you're around Wheeljack, he's going to draft you into helping with whatever he's working on, instead.

Bluestreak's is understated but pleasant. He has a hammock set up with a very, very soft blanket and pillow, and he got Sunstreaker to paint a night-time mural with accurate star patterns as seen from Cybertron. There's a few little games and fidget toys, beanbags to toss around, one of those sticky dartboards with fuzzy balls to throw. He also starts a collection of stuffed animals.

Bulkhead has every single Lego set. All of them.

Tailgate and Cyclonus (mostly Tailgate) have messy playthings like silly string, water guns, sculpting clay, finger painting. There's a giant ball pit.

Arcee has actual guns, and a vast array of knives and swords. You're about to learn self-defense whether you want to or not.

Swerve has the most wild karaoke setup you have ever seen, or ever will see, and a clothes closet full of designer outfits and accessories in every possible size and fashion for performing. You're going to feel like a superstar.

Brainstorm has a 40-ounce Big Gulp of soda placed under a cardboard box, held up by a precariously balanced stick, which is attached to a suspicious string that trails off into the distance. The Big Gulp is a holographic projection.

Rung has puzzles, both the flat kind you put together and the 3D kind you have to solve. There's different colors of sand and sculpting tools for expressing yourself in a zen garden. There's a giant plush teddy bear big enough for you to climb in its lap, and calming music. Aromatherapy in pleasant fragrances. Also, lots and lots of candy.

Whirl has alcohol and fireworks.

[librarycards]

hi! i’ve had a lifelong interest in reading and writing as a craft and a skill, and owing to my friction with many systems that demand hegemony (i’m a black mad fat trans man from the global south) i enjoy writing and sharing my work related to these topics, as it is incredibly cathartic for me and simultaneously i want to share experiences that disrupt people’s perception of the world around them. i preface with this as i would like to begin submitting my work to magazines on a larger scale. while i have been lauded with my deftness with words (this is not to gas myself up or anything, this is just me being frank), i recognise that honing my talent would be incredibly beneficial to me and help me grow my abilities as a writer, which i am really wanting to do. thus ive started reading yours and others’ book recommendations, and i have a few questions related to that. firstly, do you think that going to university for creative writing/english provides a benefit that cannot be acquired otherwise? if not, what would be your best advice for acquiring those skills, as someone who is getting eir phd? do you have advice on developing the skill of dissecting a prose piece or poem to understand the techniques the writer has used? particularly prose, while i did well with analysing poetry when i took a (one) university course in english, i struggled significantly more with prose, even as it is what i write more of (particularly creative nonfiction). and finally, while i have read your writing tag and seen your advice related to submitting to literary magazines, do you have advice on finding and getting opportunities for intensive writing focused courses/accolades (like residencies, fellowships, contests and the like)? and when should you start seeking out those sorts of things? this is quite long sorry, but id love any advice you have at all!!

ty for the message! i'm going to tackle these questions one at a time; let me know if i missed anything!

do you think that going to university for creative writing/english provides a benefit that cannot be acquired otherwise?

in short, yes, though with nuance (keep in mind also that i do not have any actual creative writing degrees) you don't need to pursue a BA/MFA/PhD in creative writing to be a successful writer by any measure; however, college is a tool with both academic and social/career benefits.

as an undergraduate, creative writing courses will generally give you 1:1 access (at least a little) to professors who have publishing experience, the ability to workshop pieces with peers, and the opportunity to get direct feedback on assignments specifically designed for relative beginners. you will also be able to read texts and analyze them on the level of craft rather than just content, which is new for a lot of undergrads who have only ever taken literature-based english courses before.

as a grad student, the main things an advanced degree will give you are 1) time (typically 2 years ish for an mfa; 6+ for a phd) to devote exclusively to a writing project, and 2) networking access. at the institution where i'm getting my phd, I've taken some MFA courses for my own edification, and am struck by the tight-knitness of cohorts as essentially micro-generations of future writers who have regular contact in class, at readings, and while workshopping. there really aren't any other situations in which you have license to drop everything and spend years on a project with others also obsessed with their projects. grad school is a very singular environment, and i can say that with confidence.

where the nuance comes in: as i said, none of this is required to be a good writer, a well-read person, or someone proficient in literary/craft analysis. people without any formal education at all are capable of that! the benefits that are not transferrable are the intangibles: time, individual attention, community, structure, and, of course, a dedicated space to go, ask questions, and learn in a dedicated environment.

if not, what would be your best advice for acquiring those skills, as someone who is getting eir phd?

going off of my previous answer, my #1 tip is to join some kind of reading group, or simply find a study/reading buddy. you can learn a lot self-studying a work, but at some point, you need to talk to someone else about it - there's no point in theory, writing, etc. without communication. maybe you seek out someone who is studying some of this in college/grad school; maybe you get together a group of autodidacts willing to share the challenge of difficult work. maybe you find a text that has already had quite a bit written about it and assign yourself/your comrades secondary material, too, as your own makeshift course syllabus.

here are two examples from my time in grad school:

i was the most advanced member of a disability justice reading group a few years ago. other members picked some texts, and every week, in addition to refreshing my memory on them, i'd look up some pieces with relevant themes and suggest them to the group. when we discussed, people would share their thoughts and connections, and i was there to provide further context/further reading (and also to learn new insights from members!)

I was definitely NOT the most advanced one in a reading group in which we slogged through Capital vol. 1. We built a shared zotero and read 1-2 chapters per week; the more advanced/econ-focused members (some of whom had read it before) made study guides, a rotating member took notes, and we were each invited to contribute our thoughts on the chapters of that week. Every week, we'd connect something we read to a current news item and sometimes have a supplementary news reading. I didn't speak much in this group, and felt out of my depth a lot. But I learned so fucking much!

do you have advice on developing the skill of dissecting a prose piece or poem to understand the techniques the writer has used?

the best way to do this is also, i think, the best way to learn a new math technique: find some problems (pieces) with solutions (analyses) already written - stories/poems/other texts that might be a little older, or are very popular/well-cited. first, go in for a few read-throughs, annotate heavily (even if you think your notes are "wrong"), take a breather, come back and do it again. think about who the author was, their identities, when and where they lived, and how that contributed to the construction of the text.

think about where it was published, and if you want, do some research into events happening around the same time. take note of techniques, even if you don't know the words for them: repetition? a particular poetic structure? were there allusions to something biblical or mythological? what is the role of color, or family, or nature, or other common images; can you think of other texts where they have also appeared, whether contemporary or historical?

once you've exhausted these ideas, hop onto jstor or google scholar and see what others are saying - who/what is this text being analyzed in conversation with? what are analyses arguing, and do you agree? what else has the writer of the piece you're analyzing written, and are there any pieces out there talking about themes from their oeuvre overall? these are some questions that propel me when I'm still forming my thoughts on a particular writer's work/technique. every question is also not necessary every single time you read, ofc, and as you practice, it gets easier to find themes intuitively.

do you have advice on finding and getting opportunities for intensive writing focused courses/accolades (like residencies, fellowships, contests and the like)? and when should you start seeking out those sorts of things?

yes! ChillSubs is...a complicated platform, but they have a regular newsletter with opportunities. BOMB does too, and Poets & Writers, and Hyperallergic. I also recommend following writing folks on social media and seeing where they go/where they advertise workshops! I've found some great opportunities just seeing where my favorite writers are teaching.

I think there's no bad time to start looking. Opportunities open up all year-round. One thing to note is that most will involve some cost to you, whether the opportunity itself has a fee, or if there's an application fee, or if you simply need to pay to travel there, or 2+ of the above.

Also, keep in mind that some opportunities are geared toward mid+ career writers (those who have published 1 or 2 books or more) and/or those who may have a certain amount of teaching/editorial experience. These will be stated clearly in the application guidelines, and don't worry -- there are plenty of opportunities for early career writers, too, including those with no books.

if you're definitely interested in pursuing some of these, i recommend starting with what you already plan to do - submitting work to magazines! this way you'll also have an archive of polished work and more credits on your CV to put you in the best possible position when applying to fellowships, residencies, and the like.

i hope this very long and unwieldy response helps!

[phoebe-delia]

My Drarries during Hanukkah

My lovely friend @greattemptation tagged me in the 'what your Drarries are doing for Christmas' game (GT's is here) and they've all been SO fun to read!! Tonight's the last night of Hanukkah, and Eight Drarry Nights series is finally done, so I'm gonna talk about what my Drarries are doing during Hanukkah!!

(Note: I headcanon Harry as Jewish, but not Draco, so I imagine they do Hanukkah stuff for Harry and Christmas stuff for Draco. I also think Harry does Christmas with the Weasleys and has done so basically since he was a kid.)

(Note 2: Anything Jewish-related I write is usually based on my personal experience as a Jewish person)

This will contain some minor spoilers for these fics lol.

this is me trying

Harry and Draco host a private Hanukkah party in the bakery on the first night. Harry is selling sufganiyot (jelly donuts often eaten during the holiday) during Hanukkah at half price, and he's running out every day.

They give each other gifts each night, but Harry's most excited to give Draco a first-edition copy of a Frank O'Hara poetry book. Draco's most excited to give Harry a magical tool that tells him when baked goods are perfect and ready without having to open the oven first.

Just Between Us

They're in Paris now, having left on the day after Christmas. Draco surprised Harry with the tickets and fully-planned trip on Christmas Day.

Little does Draco know, Harry's been carrying around a small, black velvet box in his pocket for a few weeks now. He's been waiting for the right moment, but he finds it when they're walking across the Pont des Arts. Draco, of course, says yes.

Just Take Me Home

Draco gets too drunk at the Ministry Employee Holiday Party, so Harry gets to take him home for once. The next morning, Harry greets Draco with a hangover potion and a smug smirk, saying, "Who's your DADDIE now?"

___

Tagging some of my loves (sorry if any of yall have done this already!) @basicallyahedgehog @kittycargo @phdmama @peachpety @pineau-noir

[redlyriumidol]

My thoughts/headcanons about the different styles of magic across Thedas. I'm skipping avvar and elvhenan because... idk i don't feel like it (we also can't really comprehend the extent of elvhen magic yet. perhaps we never will.):

SOUTHERN CIRCLES: perhaps the one we've been most familiar with until now. Solas criticises Vivienne on a few counts with regards to her magic and I think this sums it up: "Your rigorous training lays a solid foundation, true. It also creates boundaries, limits, where none need exist." I think that's indicative of the Southern approach to magic in general. The Chantry needs to keep its mages under a tight leash, but it also has a vested interest in training them to be useful, especially in a military capacity. Within the Circles there is some room for experimentation and advancement, but it's always limited by fear and the harsh regulations imposed on their use of magic.

Therefore I think Southern Circle magic tends towards the practical, the utilitarian, somewhat of an inflexible, blunt approach. They likely favour elemental magic, though spirit healing seems to be reluctantly tolerated for its sheer usefulness. There's some variety, though, such as the Kirkwall Circle favouring Force Magic.

TEVINTER: obviously Tevinter mages enjoy a great deal more freedom in terms of magic, and can freely experiment and push the limits, in fact they're incentivised to do so. Leaving aside blood magic for now, magic is an intrinsic part of Tevinter culture, and Circles are regarded as prestigious academies-- I think magic there is viewed as an art, a science. Obviously from a banter between Solas and Dorian we know that Tevinter stole techniques from the ancient elves. There are likely some similarities although obviously Tevinter magic has evolved since then.

Imo Tevinter magic is about precision, skillfulness, refinement, elegance, subtlety. There's almost a certain poetry to it, though it is also showy, ostentatious. They appreciate magic for magic's sake, not just as a tool. I talked in a different post about how I don't like Necromancy for Dorian and I wish he'd had a specialisation that showcased an aspect of Tevene magic other than blood magic- like I said I think this could have been glyph-based magic, which is showy but also might require skill and dexterity.

DALISH: The Dalish mages we've met have been very capable and well-trained, so I think it's unfair to say their magic is inferior to anyone else's. I think it's simply different. Since they live so closely with nature I tend to think they have an intuitive, instinctual approach to magic, almost a natural ease. To Dalish mages, magic is like breathing, though there is a lot of study that goes into it as well.

Obviously we have direct examples of Keeper magic in both Velanna and Merrill, so apart from the typical thornblades-type spells I'd also say they favour primal magic (lightning, stonefist/petrify etc)- based somewhat on the fact that Merrill doesn't have access to the elemental tree in da2. Not that I don't think they can summon fire, but I think they view fire magic differently. This is my headcanon/inference but, like healers, Keepers follow Sylaise's Vir Atish'an, the way of peace. Sylaise represents healing, but also fire. For someone who lives in a forest, fire is useful, but can be destructive if it gets out of control. I believe they don't view fire as an offensive tool primarily, but as something healing.

QUNARI: again, Qunari magic is severely limited, even more so than in Southern Circles. I think the Qunari view their mages as basically walking rocket launchers, but magic is their blind spot. They're terrified of it, so they'll never get the most out of its possibilities. I mean, their mages can't even talk to each other, so what chance is there of exchanging ideas and advancing? This might be the reason why they haven't totally crushed Tevinter tbh. It does seem that Qunari/Vashoth likely make naturally powerful mages, it's just that their magic is unrefined, brutal, basic but destructive. I imagine they favour the most basic elemental or primal magic, hardly venturing into any other schools at all. The Saarebas seem to have lightning abilities in-game, which fits a society which is technologically advanced but limited when it comes to magic.

NEVARRA: so obviously we've got the Mortalitasi. Tbh I'm not as interested in the Mortalitasi as I could be, I think necromancy just doesn't appeal to me in terms of vibes lol. But anyway, it's clear that magic in Nevarra has a ritualistic importance, it's dark and secretive, subtle, and even though it can be used offensively that seems to be a secondary purpose. I think, like in Tevinter, magic is likely an intellectual or a scientific pursuit, but here it also has a religious significance. Obviously they favour spirit magic and necromancy. Unlike Rivain and the Avvar, though, they seem to view spirits as tools/slaves- in Tevinter Nights we see a Mortalitasi using a wisp to stir her tea for example.

RIVAIN: ugh my faves. There's a good chance we'll get to see this in the next game and I couldn't be more excited. We know that the women are trained as Seers and commune with spirits. The Circles there are really just a front to appease the Chantry, while the unique brand of Rivaini magic is a natural facet of life. I think it's probably witchy, obviously spiritual, intuitive, likely also ritualistic. Obviously a lot of it is spirit magic, probably spirit healing, but I like to think they also use Entropy magic (my beloved) because the idea of curses just kind of fits the witchy vibes of it all. Since their culture is so entwined with the sea, storm magic also might make sense.

[yvesolade]

i need u to know that ur poetry has fundamentally changed me as a person & idk if thats a weird thing to say out loud but i believe that everything we consume shapes us as people & im glad that ur writing was one of those for me.

also no pressure to answer this ask but if u had any advice to give to someone in their last teenage year(outside of generic stuff like "you're still young don't worry too much" "you'll figure it out as u go") like. something that u learnt way later bc nobody talks about it but u wish u knew. twenties sound daunting. again, i just hope you know you've made more of an impact than u could ever guess. thank u

hey, this is super kind, I'm glad my writing has meant so much to you + thank you for sharing what with me.

the advice is a tough one, first because (at least for me) any advice that would genuinely be helpful, I was not and still am not ready to hear and will have to learn to learn the lesson myself for it to stick + second because I also think the idea of 'figuring things out' is kind of a myth. like I'm definitely happier and more settled now than when I was 19 but also I just have like . different problems now & am working through totally different things and that's basically just going to be the rest of my life lol . so it goes. + that might sound scary and daunting but also, like, thank god I am a different person with different problems, what a relief

so maybe (if I had to give advice) I would suggest that you learn to pay attention to urself. maybe u do it with meditation or therapy or journalling or w/e but just find some way of finding out who you are. what do you like, what don't you like, how do you feel in x situations, is this discomfort or fear or disgust? are you anxious or excited? angry or sad? do you like going to the cinema alone, do you think free painting is fun, do you prefer cherry coke or cherry pepsi ?? just like develop a practice of introspection and experiment w different experiences and situations because having a sense of who you are and what you like (and the tools to find out!) + the ability to be honest about those things is something that will actually serve you for the rest of ur life

[anamelessfool]

𝔓𝔞𝔭𝔞 ℭ𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔬 (1907-1983) and fic!

Reign 1942-1954, Satanic Bishop of New York City (1954-1983)

Everybody needs a mentor, especially delusional people like Young Nihil. So enter Papa Camino, a Papa Emeritus who is heavily influenced by Cab Calloway. (And is wearing an actual Schiaparelli silk tie from the 1950s) Notable Ghouls: Phantom, Dewdrop, Cumulus

The Path (AO3 Link)

GEN Young Nihil & OC Papa, Young Nihil & Family 3K Words

Tags: Mentor Figure, Deal With The Devil, Family Angst, 4 Year Old Primo Is In This One, This is Officially the Most Self Indulgent Fic I've Written and Yes I'm Including the Smut, Alternate History, Ghost Scenes from the Void AU, Ministry Lore and Dramaaaaa

1957, New York City: Bishop Camino always got what he wanted. And he wanted to share what he took from life with everyone he thought hungry enough to work for it. He was also a man who today invited Zero, of all the siblings in his care, to a private meeting in his office.

More Art and the Fic Below the Cut!

1957 New York City

Camino was a man who demanded what he wanted, and created for himself what he was denied. After his wildly successful tour as Papa Emeritus of the Satanic Church of the Void, he brought his expertise, his talent, and his cunning to his new post as the Satanic Bishop of New York City.

After the fourth rejection of his application to join the most prestigious gentlemen’s social club in the city (and it was definitely not because he was a Satanic Anti-Pope) Camino decided to run his own club out of the New York Ministry location. The music was hotter, the skirts were shorter and the booze flowed higher than the runoff in the gutters after a rainstorm.

The New York City chapter of the Satanic Church of the Void soon became less a place of organized worship and more the most chaotic and happening nightclub no one dared talk about in the sunshine. No act was denied, no artistic experiment too bizarre— almost twenty-four hours of the day there would be something to see for everyone. At two PM there could be a poetry reading for moody folks in black turtlenecks. At four PM was a 1920s Big Band Revival stint, six to ten PM Camino himself took command as bandleader. Midnight to two AM was reserved for drag shows. Often at three AM some interpretive dancer could be writhing on stage wrapped in tinfoil wailing about his daddy issues. It was vibrant, sometimes exhausting but never ever boring. Just like the Bishop.

And any high society man caught sneaking in would be promptly hogtied and left out in the alley with the rest of the trash.

Camino always got what he wanted. And he wanted to share what he took from life with everyone he thought hungry enough to work for it. He was also a man who today invited Zero, of all the siblings in his care, to a private meeting in his office.

As Zero sat uneasily in a plush armchair he could pick himself out from the posters and photographs covering the wood-paneled walls of the bishop’s office. He was often in the background— a blur holding a guitar, a trombone, hiding behind a mountain of drums. In six years Zero had become an established character in Camino’s church. He had stopped his rail-hopping life and settled in with a pretty blonde poetess, living just outside earshot of the church turned nightclub with a couple of potted plants and a young son. It surprised him how much he enjoyed the ebb and flow of a domestic existence. But then again, living and working in a place of constant change and noise and life and art is like wandering without ever leaving home.

“Brother Zero, I can hear your knees knocking from over here!” Bishop Camino closed the humidor cabinet and returned to his massive desk with a choice cigar. He winked his eye, his human eye. The Infernal Eye, his gift and his curse from his time as Papa, leered into Zero. It was as icy and silvery as the tools Camino used to delicately trim and light his smoke. “You'd know if you were in trouble! Relax, stay a while! How's junior?”

“Oh, swell, just swell,” said Zero, slowly uncurling himself in his seat.

“I got box seats at the Polo Grounds whenever you two want to see a game,” Camino replied. “Owner of the Giants owes me. Funny how many folks owe me, hm?”

“You're more than generous, all the time.” Zero couldn't help but feel a fondness for the man. “You helped me.”

“Alley cats are hungry, feed ‘em. Keeps the rats away. Now…” Camino noticed the smallest mote of dust on his suit, frowned deeply, and brushed it off. Camino never wore formal vestments outside of Mass, preferring instead a red silk suit with razor-sharp shoulders. Firstly because that was his look during his time as Papa Emeritus, and secondly because there was no one in New York City who would dare tell the bishop otherwise.

“Have you ever thought about the path?” He continued. Bishop Camino leaned back in his leather chair, settling in to a languid taste of his Cuban cigar. “I think you have what it takes to be Papa. Believe me, I know.”

Zero’s eyes widened, his mouth stretching open cartoonishly in shock. “You really think that?”

“Claro. Really. You've played in the house band many a time. You know more instruments than most, and catch on so quick. You're more Ghoul than man sometimes,” Camino chuckled. Zero had indeed performed for a few years in Camino's exclusive club for degenerates, and his saxophone playing was described as “a good start” which was a big compliment coming from the Bishop.

“Times are different. Big bands are out. Five pieces are in. More flexible. Digestible. What with television everywhere now.” Camino nodded. “Jazz clubs are gone, thing of the past. I'm not too proud to admit that.”

“Oh, you got more talent in your little finger than most in their whole body!” Zero piped up. “Don't sell yourself short!”

Camino gave him a wry look. “Hermano, I didn't say anything about that. Of course I'm talented. I'm the most talented motherfucker you ever saw. But times are changing. The Church needs fresh blood. And you'd be perfect for it. You got a face for television!”

Zero looked through the wooden blinds of the window, at the lines of taxis dutifully filing past. A limo turned the corner, its black and silver form sleek amongst the herd of yellow and checkerboard. Zero saw the shining sweep of the Rolls-Royce maiden perched on the hood, bowing low with her steel gossamer cloak frozen forever against the wind. A face for television, Zero thought. He never really had a television, or an actual home to plug any sort of luxury into since leaving Milwaukee, but everyone that did had the potential to see him. To hear his music. To see his face.

“That sounds swell, how would I even start?”

Camino grunted a laugh, his teeth gripping his cigar. From his place behind his massive desk he elegantly poured a finger of amber liquid from a crystal decanter into two equally opulent glasses. “Well, you have to let everyone know your intention. Even when you're not saying a word. Especially then. Your whole body must…vibrate…with that desire.”

Zero took a glass from him, nodding eagerly. “I can do that. I can vibrate with desire!”

“Naturally,” said Camino. “I'll put you in touch with Mother Imperator’s assistant, a em…a Sister Rebecca. She'll help me authorize a transfer and you can move to the heart of the Ministry.”

They clinked glasses, and Zero took a sip. It burned across his throat, tore a hole in his belly. He coughed in surprise, making every attempt to choke as politely as possible. “Move? There's somewhere else?”

“Yes, a few hours drive up north,” Camino replied. His perfectly sculpted thin moustache twitched as he frowned. “And how the hell you choking on that, boy? That's a goddamn forty year.”

Zero mumbled an apology, then felt Camino’s strong hand on his chin, jerking his face upwards for inspection. His hand was surprisingly soft, well manicured. The floral scent of hair oil drifted down from his clothing. The older man smirked, his eyes crinkling as thoughts passed through his mind. The Infernal Eye glared down at Zero from its socket in Camino’s skull, its glow removed from this realm, a separate entity also holding judgement towards him. He could have sworn the steely pinprick of a pupil moved independent from the human eye just across the bridge of the jazz singer’s nose. Zero swallowed. “Face for television,” Camino murmured, and with his other hand took a thoughtful sip of his own glass.

Zero stretched his mouth into a submissive smile. “Maybe.”

Camino gave Zero a rough pat, nearly a slap on the side of his face, and stepped away to pick up his cigar again. “Listen here, I sent my successor up to their headquarters, had them start meeting people, gather friends— boom! They're now Papa Emeritus and gaining traction in the charts every day. The trick…is to be underfoot.” Camino let out a satisfied puff of smoke. “Thing about that place is that running the Ministry is the only thing anyone can do up there in that godforsaken wilderness. So if you want something you're front and center!”

“But…moving?” Zero had just finally put roots down after a youth of wandering. He thought of Nance, of little Primo waiting for him back at their apartment. Nance with the baby on her lap as she sat by the plants on the fire escape, her red lips smiling contentedly out at the symphony of asphalt and blaring car horns.

“Fresh air, sunshine, forests and mountains,” said Camino. “Kids love it out there. At least I'm pretty certain they do.”

Camino was met with an awkward silence, and he settled into his chair, the leather offering a tired wheeze. “Yes, the city is difficult to leave,” Camino continued, steepling his fingers. He grinned. “Which is why I came back.” And promptly at midnight a town car would pick him up and drive him back to his home in Queens. “But, I've done my time, and did the work. I'm here to guide now. And I think you need to take bigger risks.”

“Nance loves it here. She was born here.” Zero smiled slightly into the middle space. “Primo was born here.”

“It's not easy raising a child in the city, believe me. My sisters complain enough. And me…well, I became a jazz singer.” He chuckled. “That tells you everything you need to know about that.”

“Could be good for junior,” Zero mused.

“Would be good for his old man too,” Camino replied with a wink. “You just say the word. I'm serious about you.”

Horns blared from outside on the street, followed by shouts and curses. The chauffeur of the Rolls-Royce rolled up up his sleeves and unbuttoned his vest as his cap fell on the sidewalk. Across from him, an equally irate taxi driver wrenched himself from the crumpled yellow door of his taxi. A woman was trapped in the back of the Rolls, hanging out the window and screeching while the rat-like dog in her arms barked. The taxi driver jumped across the hood of the limo and delivered a heavy-fisted crack to the chauffeur’s mug that Zero could hear all the way from his spot by the window. He winced as he unconsciously massaged the same place on his jaw. Camino clapped his hand across Zero’s shoulder, laughing, his lips peeled back over sharp white teeth in a roar of amusement. The Infernal Eye shone. “Fresh air and sunshine, hermano!”

-------

“Fresh air, sunshine, forests and mountains,” said Zero as he and Sister Nance held hands on a park bench and watched their young son totter around the steel playground. “Would be good for junior, yanno?”

“This sounds rehearsed,” Nance snorted, flashing him one of her elfin grins. “What's the deal? Why all of a sudden you want to move?”

Zero shrugged. “No deal. Just…need a change, maybe.”

“Zero, dear. Don't even try to lie to me.”

“Bishop Camino… thinks I should be Papa Emeritus.”

“You?” Nance made a face. “You haven't held a single job for more than a year. And you…want to run this whole thing? You want to be Papa?”

Zero frowned back, a little wounded but willing to fight. “None of those gigs were ever that interesting.”

“And you can't just up and walk away from this one,” Nance said. “No session musician or delivery boy or taxi driver ever had to commit his soul.” She tapped the place under her left eye. “Camino and the others…got a piece of their immortal soul committed to the Void. A chunk of it is just…it's just gone.”

That whitened eye of Camino burned in Zero’s brain once more. The sharp-toothed wicked grin, the bone-chilling tension of that pinprick pupil sliding across him and passing judgement. Zero had a face for television, sure— but Camino…Camino’s visage came from someplace else.

Like any blow he's ever taken, Zero shrugged it all off. “Wasn't using my immortal soul much anyway,” he chuckled.

“Goddamit Zero.” Nance crumpled into a fussy search of her coat for her silver cigarette case. He felt the cold air return to the palm of his now abandoned hand as it rested on the park bench.

Primo zoomed over from across the playground, falling into his mother’s arms. Irving Robert, really, but Primo was a better nickname for him than Uno.

“Push me on the swings?” asked their son, grinning under the hat Nance had knitted for him last week.

Nance cupped his face in her hands, smiling sweetly. “In a few minutes, Primo, your father and I are talking. But I bet you know how to do it yourself. We want to watch.”

“Oh, I can!”

“Good, now run! We're watching!” And Primo spun around and raced over to the swings across the park, leaving them for a few precious moments. Nance lit the cigarette in her mouth and took a drag, sighing on the exhale.

“Feels like the only thing that sticks in your brain are bad ideas, Zero,” Nance muttered. “I'm saying that affectionately.”

“You're one of ‘em,” he teased back, and she shoved him with a little laugh.

“Fine. You want to move to the Ministry Headquarters. Work right under Mother Imperator and Papa Emeritus and their whole shitty retinue.”

“And bring you along, of course,” Zero added in an attempt to reassure her. He was glad that she was even considering his idea now.

“I've been up there,” Nance continued. “Not much to do, so siblings get obsessive. I didn't want to stay long.”

“Obsessive?”

“Mother Imperator…” Nance stifled a laugh. “Absolute bag. A good hundred years old, easy. Refuses to speak anything but Italian. There's two siblings waiting for her to drop dead. Any day now, it feels.”

“Oh really now?” Zero mused, half listening.

“Sister Rebecca, for one. She went right to the top as the Dark Mother's Personal Assistant. Fluent in six languages, Italian especially. Comes from a bloodline of senators and government officials. Family's got mob money. She's next in line, for sure. And then there's…” Nance winced, as if an icy wind passed through her. “Maestra Eunice.”

“Oh, she's important?” Zero had seen her from time to time, conversing with Camino. Her hooded eyes, her deep scowl. He remembered her because he thought it a shame when blondes scowled like that. And Camino always looked queasy after their meetings.

“Leader of the Conclave,” Nance explained. “Old, old Ministry family. She's been shuffled around. She doesn't make too many friends.” Nance smiled crookedly. “And Rebecca would easily cut her throat in her sleep if Eunice doesn't get to Rebecca first. It's no good out there. Too heavy while those two wait for old Imperator to croak. You really want to live in the middle of that?”

“Two broads in a spat,” stated Zero. He figured early on that if there were two women left on the entirety of this Earth they still would think the other was talking behind their back.

“One has the keys to the entire global network of our Church, the other the deepest understanding of the magic that comes from the Void,” said Nance. “These are the two broads no one wants to stand in between.”

“Who says I have to stand between ‘em? I can make my music. And that's all I got to do.”

“There's no budging you, is there.”

“Camino…believes in me.” It was the first sincere thing Zero had said in a long while, and it left his heart with a wrenching whine that was carried through into his voice. It held such a sad little timbre that Nance shifted in her seat to look at him. “He believes in what I do.”

Zero knew few people in his life ever put their faith in him. Teachers thought him stupid. Fellow tramps on the road thought he was easy pickings. Not even his own father had much to do with him; his father, who's only belief was in his own ability to pick winning dogs at the track.

“You got to take risks on what you believe,” Zero added as she continued to contemplate his expression.

“But…moving…”

“Six years is the longest I've been in a single place,” announced Zero. He wanted to add “and loved someone”, but the thought felt intrusive and not at all something Nance wanted to hear. She knew his feet got restless if he sat for too long. She had been good to him, good for him, and he owed her his affection.

Nance grabbed his hand, turning his attention to look into her soft brown eyes. “Robert,” she began quietly, and she only used his real name when she wanted him to really listen. “What about your son? Robert…what about me?”

“I want to live my dream,” he said, bringing her hand to his lips. “And my dream includes you. And Primo. I…I promise I'll do right. You know I always try to do right.”

Nance smiled faintly back. “You always try,” she said quietly. “I can't argue with that. I'm happy…you found someone else who believes in you.”

“Mo-om!” Primo called to them both from his place on the swings, his arms and legs dangling as his body lay across the steel seat.

Nance got up and dropped her smoke to the ground, crushing it underfoot. “Just…give me a few days to think about it."

Zero gave her a thin smile as he watched her cross the playground. He felt he had moved the pieces in the way he wanted them, needed them to move. And he was pretty sure of the rules of the game, so how hard would all of this be? Except he felt a queasiness now instead of relief. The feeling of his words being more of a wager than a sign of honesty hung about his shoulders. He had the faint memory of being on the other side of that conversation. And in those moments what he thought was a promise, was really only a way to buy time.

It would be well worth it in the end, he assured himself. Good ideas always are, and Camino had said himself how much of a good idea Zero was. Zero got to his feet, brushing off his knees as his good-natured smile returned to his face. There was nothing to worry about. He always came out on top. He always pulled through, and folks always leant him a helping hand. And of course he'd always support Nance, and Primo. He promised her and so he owed her. What more is a promise than an IOU to someone else?

Funny how many folks owe me, said Camino as his dead eye flashed. Great men are owed. And Zero was ready to be a lender.

My Fic List | My AO3 | More Domestic Fics

Papa Camino & Dewdrop, Phantom Fic

[pen-and-umbra]

Abt CC, I think it made ASG work tho.The battle flashback says it all, with Gen and Seph bickering and Seph getting irritated and Angeal acting like a mother hen…that's the wholesome friendship right there packed into a single scene. It's clear throughout the game what kind of dynamics the trio had. 

YMMV. Crisis Core is a mixed bag for me. It got some things right; it got some things amiss. It managed to pull off convincing dynamics between Zack and Sephiroth, for example; they share sufficient screen time, and you can see the rapport and a kind of endearment between a junior and a senior colleague, which later organically flows into FFVII Rebirth. But when it comes to ASG friendship…not so much, given the lack of trio shared screen time and the fact that at least one of the characters communicates almost exclusively by rehashing the same poetry lines.  

Also YMMV, but in my perspective, the friendship between Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis did not feel genuinely balanced and harmonious. To me, it came off as if Sephiroth had always felt like a third wheel in the back of his mind, which was also fueled by his already present history of being left behind. Angeal and Genesis share a common past and an already established enduring bond; Angeal and Genesis are physiologically compatible for a blood transfusion, while Sephiroth is never given an explanation as to why he was rejected as a donor, or even properly acknowledged for attempting to be one; Genesis appears to desert with no parting word, then chooses to come open with Angeal but not Sephiroth; finally, the two of them disappear together, for the lack of a better word. Perhaps in some way, to Sephiroth, it felt like the two of them were more tight-knit, more closely bonded with each other than with him. It's just there in the way he quickly concludes that Angeal "abandoned" ShinRA as well, or in the way he never responds directly to Zack's question about whether the three of them were close. His response is ambiguous at best, as if he is unsure of it himself lately. Then there's a battle flashback that implies that, while Genesis was friendly, there was always a hint of jealousy and an attempt to instill rivalry over the hero title.

The most recent episode of First Soldier adds to this perspective. Most importantly, it demonstrates that Angeal, and Genesis by extension, had no idea what ShinRA was about until misfortune struck them directly following Genesis ailment. Or, in the case of Genesis, what it meant to be a ShinRA hero — a lie-filled campaign at best and a tool for murder at worst. It appears that Sephiroth never opened up about it. Or he did, but wasn't really HEARD — because in FS he blatantly talks about his take on the role ShinRA had forced onto him in front of Bachman and Angeal, but his words don't appear to be taken seriously. Either scenario calls ASG closeness into question, whether due to Sephiroth's tendency to keep his experiences private (he never comes clean about Rosen's death, letting Glenn project whatever motives on him) or on the part of A&G. It could easily be both. Young!Angeal's behavior in the most recent FS was bordering on overbearing in some instances, such as making rather ill-mannered statements about things he knew nothing about, namely Sephiroth's relationship with his former teammates. I'm sure Angeal's prodding over a recent and unhealed wound did not add to Sephiroth's sense of emotional security and caused just as much stress to Sephiroth as Sephiroth's crabbiness did to Angeal.

It all just makes you wonder.

[laddersofsweetmisery]

There's nothing I can't stand more than elitist perspectives from supposed academics. Academia is a PRIVILEGE to pursue. You were lucky. You had just the right foundation, just the right experiences, and just the right support.

I was homeless, raised by addicts, and severely malnutritioned from the ages 12 to 20. I remember having to melt snow in the winter just to wash my hair and it was still a privilege for me to acquire a literary degree. I had just the right people looking out for me and just the right life experiences to encourage my interests. I've never considered myself without privilege nor have I believed 'I worked hard to get here, so I deserve it.' The truth is that thousands of people work hard and everyone deserves it, but their resources differed from mine and yours. I just had the right circumstances to encourage my educational pursuits.

Not everyone has that.

Even in my most unluckiest moments, I was lucky to receive an education.

If someone stumbles into dark/light academia for the vibes alone and ends up learning about art history, poetry, new books to read and obsess over...then THAT'S A GOOD THING. I view the aesthetic as a gateway towards learning. Telling others they have no place in academia is so counterintuitive and can make them resentful. If you can make education more palatable and more easily digested, why wouldn't you support that? If you truly love academia, then you will love all facets and not just the parts that allow you to stroke your ego.

I believe education is a privilege and we must take our privileges as a chance to educate ourselves so that we can educate others at a more affordable rate. To me, having the opportunity to receive a quality education means you now have a civic duty to pass on that knowledge to those who couldn't afford the same opportunities.

Education is not a pathway to superiority, it is a journey towards empathy and civic engagement.

I share my poetry and other writings not because I think I'm good. I share because someone somewhere might need to hear it. I found my love for literature when I stumbled into Instagram poetry at 13 years old--a realm of poetry that receives immense backlash from supposed 'lovers-of-the-written-word.' Now, I obsess over John Milton, the Brontë's, and Mary Hays.

Accessibility is vital to academic communities. These communities that utilize the aesthetic to encourage involvement are doing good in the world even if you think it to be frivolous. They are exposing those who may not have originally been interested in education due to their foundations and experiences to wear a cozy sweater, make some tea, pick up a book, head to their local art museums, and pursue something they didn't know was available to them.

I support the Colleen Hoover girlies, I support the Instagram poets, I support the aesthetic followers, I support ACOTAR, I support fanfiction. I support words and what they can do for others no matter the form.

In a world where literacy rates are at a low, encouragement and accessibility are our greatest tools.

Do not weaponize education for your own egocentric objectives. It is a selfless communal endeavor to enrich the way we understand, interact, and positively influence the institutions around us.

Most children enjoy learning about the world around them, ask yourself, 'What made them stop loving it?' and then, ask yourself, once more, 'Could it have been people like me?'

Mary Hays via Mr. Francis said it best: "When the minds of men are changed, the system of things will also change...Let us remember, that vice originates in mistakes of understanding, and that, he who seeks happiness by means contradictory and destructive, is emphatically the sinner. Our duties, then, are obvious--If selfish and violent passions have been generated by the inequalities of society, we must labour to counteract them, by endeavoring to combat prejudice, to expand the mind, to give comprehensive views, to teach mankind their true interest, and to lead them to habits of goodness and greatness...Let it, then, be your noblest ambition to co-operate with, to join your efforts, to those of philosophers and sages, the benefactors of mankind...everyone in his sphere may do something; each has a little circle where his influence will be availing."

-Memoirs of Emma Courtney, by Mary Hays

For those interested in learning from the security of home when you can't afford the privilege of a classroom, here are some links that I've enjoyed and perused multiple times throughout the years. They are FREE OF ANY COST. Have fun with education in whatever ways you can and feel free to ask me if your interested in further resources or just want to chat. I don't know everything, but I'll do what I can to help. Check out Perseus at https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/

Holy shit, they've got it all! I use it for their Dictionary of Greek and Roman biography and mythology, but there is so much more to learn to and explore. The Mission of Perseus: "Our larger mission is to make the full record of humanity - linguistic sources, physical artifacts, historical spaces - as intellectually accessible as possible to every human being, regardless of linguistic or cultural background."

Check out Project Gutenberg at https://www.gutenberg.org/

Project Gutenberg is a library of over 70,000 free eBooks! They have a lot of free classics, so if you're struggling to afford books for school, this is an excellent resource!

Love poetry? Interested in Emily Dickinson? Then, read The Prowling Bee at https://bloggingdickinson.blogspot.com/?m=1

The Prowling Bee is a blog by Susan Kornfield. I love hearing her insight into the poems and hearing from someone passionate about Dickinson's work!

Check out the John Milton Reading Room at https://milton.host.dartmouth.edu/reading_room/contents/text.shtml

This one is a favorite of mine! It includes the complete poetry and selected prose of John Milton, with introductions, research guides, and hyperlinked annotations.

Interested in journalism? Check out The Outlaw Ocean Project at https://www.theoutlawocean.com/

The Outlaw Ocean Project is a non-profit journalism organization based in Washington D.C. that produces investigative stories about human rights, labor, and environmental concerns on the two thirds of the planet covered by water. The content they produce is so vital, I couldn't recommend it more highly.

Additionally, you can sign up for some newsletters so you can receive articles in your inbox everyday! My favorites are:

The Literary Hub at lithub.com

The Literary Hub is an organizing principle in the service of literary culture, a single, trusted, daily source for all the news, ideas and richness of contemporary literary life.

JSTOR Daily at https://daily.jstor.org/

JSTOR Daily is a daily magazine that contextualizes current events with scholarship found on JSTOR. They are published by JSTOR, the nonprofit digital library of scholarly journals, books, images, audio, research reports, and primary sources. JSTOR Daily stories are what we like to call academic adjacent—they are carefully researched and written by experts for a general audience. Each piece  provides historical, scientific, literary, political, and other background for understanding our world. 

[instruth]

Comments by my friends and readers from Facebook and Tumblr —-from 07 May 2025 to today 11 May 2025.

Thank you for your comments, emojis and likes. Truly appreciate all of them.

Cheers and Blessings. 👍😊🙋🏼‍♂️🙏

— Johnny J. P. Lee

——————————

01/ The Story of ARKRA

“You're doing an amazing job, keep it up! The Story of ARKRA is getting more exciting by the episode.” 07/05/26

- Ng Har Chai

02/ Return of the Old Days - 08/05/25

“Beautiful💕” - Janice Fisher

03/ Return of the Old Days

“Nice looking 👌” - Helen MacDonald

- 08/05/26

4/ Pebbles Picking to Bearer—

“So Awesome 💗” 07/05/25

- Janice Fisher

05/ Answers Are Cheap

“Keep seeking, John! You're on a journey of self-discovery and it's inspiring to read. 💖” 08/05/25, - Ng Har Chai

6/ Return to the Old Days

“Making memories is what life is all about! Keep creating and inspiring! ✨

- Ng Har Chai, 08/05/25

7/ Return to the Old Days

“Oh Wow ⭐” - Janice Fisher 08/05/25

8/ Return of the Old Days A review

“Cultivating empathy and understanding through poetry is a remarkable gift. This Prelude is a testament to the human experience and our capacity to heal and grow.”

9/ Returm of the Old Days A Review

“Congratulations 🌹💗” 08/05/25

- Janice Fisher

10/ Isolation—Openness

“Well said! Openness is indeed the key to growth and understanding. Keep sharing your insights!” - Ng Har Chai 06/05/25

11/ Isolation—Openness

“

— 06/05/25

12 The Story of Pursue

“Dreamy and thought-provoking, Pursue's story has me hooked! 😮”

- Ng Har Chai, 07/05/25

13/ What is Conscience

“Splendid” - Alby Raymond Parackal

09/05/25

14/ What is Cinscience

“Awesome 💗” - Janice Fisher 09/05/25

15/ Answers are Cheap

“Hang in there, Johnny! You're doing great! Keep seeking the truth and sharing your insights with the world. We're all rooting for you! ❤️LOVE THIS!”

- Ng Har Chai; 08/05/25

16/ Review: Conscience

“Congratulations🌹” 09/05/25

- Janice Fisher

17/ Prelude to E10-S3: The Plain House

“Awesome💝” - 09/05/25

- Janice Fisher

18/ What is Conscience

“Beautiful Read 🌹💝🌹” - 09/05/25

- Janice Fisher

19/ What is Conscience

“Tapping into our conscience can be a powerful tool for personal growth and self-reflection. Keep sharing your wisdom!”

- Ng Har Chai; 09/05/25

20/ E10–S3–Oh how the Stars Shine

“Riveting poetry and stunning visuals! This is a masterpiece. Can't wait for Season 4! 🎼 SUPER! SUPER!” 09/05/25

- Ng Har Chai

21/ Twice for Twice

“Johnny J P Lee Outstanding effort 🤩🤩🤩” - Tricia OMalley, 09/05/25

22/ Whispers. Dawning Road

“So elegantly expressed Johnny yet prolific understanding. Some very talented writing!”

— Nancy Methil, 09/05/25

23/ Whispers. Dawning Roaf

“Amazing 💗🌹💗 Janice Fisher

-09/05/25

24/ Oh How the Stars Shine

“🌹 Beautiful 🌹” 09/05/25

- Janice Fisher

25/ Twice for Teice

“💙🙏🏼💙” 09/05/25 Janice Fisher

26/ The Assembly

“Smiles💗 so Awesome!” 10/05/25

- Janice Fisher

27/ About nymphs

“Love this 💕” 08/05/25

- Janice Fisher

28/ What happens during lunch break

“The Celestial Series never fails to amaze! I love how each season brings new insights and perspectives. The Tears I Cried For You was a powerful premiere, and I'm excited to see where the story goes from here. 🙏” 10/05/25

- Ng Har Chai

29/ The Assembly

“You've outdone yourself with this Season 4 premiere! Excellent start, indeed! ✨”

- Ng Har Chai, 10/05:25

30/ E2S4

“Enjoying💞” -Janice Fisher 11/05/25

31/ Review

“Congratulations🌹”

- Janice Fisher 10/05/25

32/ E2S4 No Beginning, No End

“Amazing, love your story 💕”

— Janice Fisher 11/05/25

33/ E2S4 No Beginning, No End

“You're doing an amazing job with this series! Keep up the fantastic work, and I'll be eagerly waiting for the next episode! 🤩” - Ng Har Chai 11/05/25

34/ Lunch-break at Eternal Present

“Awesome 😊 🌹”

- Janice Fisher 10/05/25

35/ From the desk of Charlie—Why is J P Lee Smiling?

“Congratulations💞”

- Janice Fisher 11/05/25

36/ From the desk of Charlie—Why is J P Lee Smiling?

“Finding the laughter that disarms, the shield now resting... I love how you weave words together, Charlie!”

— Ng Har Chai 11/05/25

37/ The Assembly Part 2

“Fabulous🌹⭐🌹”

— Janice Fisher 10/05/25

[psychagoguedigitalmusical]

My way in - Analysis and Concrete Action Plans

Anyone can be inspired by art. But can anyone create art?

I think that's a complicated question. Generally speaking, of course anyone can pick up a paper & pencil and draw something, or type out some poetry from their stream-of-consciousness. But is the artist in this scenario satisfied with what they've put out into the world? I wouldn't be. The artistic inspiration often comes paired with a clarity of purpose. And when our own lack of technical skill prevents us from matching the clarity we have inside, it feels helpless. Like there's some sort of "skilled artists" club out there in the world, and somehow they all got the mysterious membership card somehow, and it's just a gulf that can't be crossed. "Man, it would be cool, but I just don't have the stuff." It wasn't until last year when I completed the first project I was ever truly proud of creating that I realized that the gulf is crossable.

Basically, what I'm saying is that before I can make art that I am proud of, I need to understand my current limitations and learn my tools.

I have some music experience and some theatre experience, but I primarily studied a STEM subject in school. My experience with the arts has been enough to dabble, but not enough to express, and basically everything is hard. Tag urself in this meme, I'm both people

So what's my plan for dealing with this?

First: What skills will I need in order to create a project on the scale of Epic?

Writing (Plots)

Writing (Characters)

Writing (Lyrics)

Music (Composition)

Music (Singing)

Music (Production)

(There's other stuff like social media, advertising, etc. but I'm intentionally choosing to ignore other necessary aspects unrelated to the creative process, because honestly a lot of that stuff is interchangeable and can be figured out as it comes up. No use overplanning. The most I'll do for now until I've got something to show is to keep up these blog posts and crosspost to other sites. Hi Instagram!)

I have done minimal creative writing before. I know just enough music theory to play the trumpet, but I can't improvise my way out of a paper bag and don't know a chord progression from a lydian triad. I don't even feel comfortable right now singing in general, even by myself. And even if I did, I doubt I'd be good at it, and my space at home isn't exactly conducive to practice mush of anything loud. Lots of challenges, but with the confidence that even these large gulfs can be crossed, it feels not quite so overwhelming as it might have to me as a younger man.

Second: What are the concrete actions within my power to start to cross the skill gap?

Writing - I'm going to make a spreadsheet. I will start with systematically analyzing each song from Epic, laser targeting some basic information from the text (starting with lyrics only, musical analysis later once I have a better idea of what I'm doing). I will be focusing on identifying how the situations, characters, philosophies, and relationships are communicated through the lyrics. After I get through everything in Epic, I'll probably do a similar exercise for some of the other seminal works of musical theatre, and even non-musical theatre. If I want to make a competent contribution to the artistic conversation, I need a solid foundation of artistic context.

Parallel to this, I will map out the narrative shape of Epic and other stories I'm drawing inspiration from. By discovering patterns, I can reverse engineer what Morvic's journey through the Realm of Shades could look like.

I am also personally taking notes whenever specific ideas about Psychagogue, its characters, situations, and its themes come to me.

Music - I'm less certain about this one. At the very least, I'll sign up for a singing class and emphasize that musical theatre is the style of singing I would like to focus on. Music theory and composition is currently looking like the actual most difficult part to me right now. At this point, I'm honestly struggling to find appropriate resources for learning music theory and production that will stick with me this time. But I also was never able to consistently work out until about a year ago when I found a sustainable way in, so if it's possible for that, it's possible for this. It'll just take more time. I have some tentative ideas for what this might end up looking like, but I'm keeping the horse before the cart on this one.

Ramble over.

Next post, I'll show off initial progress on the spreadsheet and what kind of progress I've made on learning music.

[maths-screaming]

Known and Unknown

A couple days ago, I wrote:

My math education thought I could manage strings of confusing symbols in my head in two directions at once, but that I couldn't do any problem that required me to identify the unknown in relationship to the known. ?????????

Because of my Quest to Be Friendlier With Numbers, my take on my K-12 math education changes almost daily. The bottom-line take, "My K-12 math education was bad," stays the same. But every day, I learn more about why and how it was bad.

If you asked me today, I'd say the primary failing with my K-12 math education was not that it utterly missed my dyscalculia or how poorly it prepared anyone to understand numbers. Instead, I'd say its primary failing was its failure to allow us to experience ourselves as people who could confront an unknown, consider the tools available to us, and move the unknown into a known.

Here's an illustration:

In 2024, I took over a high school library that had been in storage for seven years.

The upside to unpacking an entire library is that the unpacker gets to decide how the books will be shelved. If you want to move from Dewey Decimal to, say, a genre-based system, there is no better time to do it.

After wrestling with that choice for three weeks (the time it took to unpack 12,000 books), I decided we would abandon Dewey in favor of a topic heading-based call number system. When I presented this to my principal, I said:

"Do the kids need to know poetry is shelved under 811? No. Do they need to experience themselves as people who can walk into a library and find the poetry? Yes."

As a teacher, I see my job less as "impart knowledge" than as "create the conditions under which you can experience yourself as a builder and user of knowledge."

Sometimes that does require me to impart some basic knowledge. More often, and especially at the high school level, it means I need to set up situations in which students can use their knowledge. Where they see an unknown and navigate to it using their available knowns.

I'm finally getting the hang of long division. But I'm still doing problems on the tens unit blocks, even though I can also do them on paper. The blocks give me that sense of "see an unknown, use your tools and strategies to navigate to it, turn it into a known" that I firmly believe is the foundation of all real learning.

I did not experience math education that way. And that is a big reason math lost my attention very early in school. That would have cost me even without dyscalculia gumming up the works.

[shinysoroka]

Insider baseball rant incoming...

I'm a broken record about AI being a destructive technology for the arts. But what infuriates amazes me is how many people become willing cheerleaders for the thing that is actively contributing to the degradation of their craft, just because it comes wrapped in an attractive, non-threatening package by glorified HR managers. So let's break down how this all got pitched in the translation industry, just so you can spot potential parallels when it inevitably spills over into other areas.

Say you are a professional translator. You have been making a modest living over the last decade by translating instruction manuals, technical brochures and other assorted nonsense companies put out every year into... let's say Sindarin. You've built knowledge, experience and speed, you've put in your 10k hours and you're currently doing 3k words per day, which is on the high end of what a professional like yourself should be able to do. Your rate is 0.05 cents per word, which is about the average for your language combination. Life is often stressful but decent.

Suddenly, every translation company you freelance for comes to you with this wonderful idea. They call it post-editing, where they give you a machine-translated text and you merely review that output and you no longer charge per word but per hour. "Don't worry," they say. "This is not replacing you, it's just a tool that will help you be more productive. And hey, just to make sure we're fair, we'll calculate your new hourly rate based on your current rate per word. Just so you can see that this is great for both of us and we are not treating you unfairly. Sounds good, right?"

Right.

So you take the offer, start post-editing instead of translating and... Eru be praised! You are now doing 6k words per day, double your previous output and your pay remains pretty much the same. Sure, the quality is lower and sometimes it takes you a bit longer to fix the nonsense the machine spits out but it's not like you were translating Gil-Galad's poetry and nobody reads all this stuff anyway, right? The Elven market is thriving and we are still doing relatively good.

Except...

Who is this newfangled productivity really for? Your output has doubled, sure, but your rate remains the same. Your company is swimming in cash, the line goes up for them but not for you. Since the end customer doesn't really care about quality that much, you're now even more replaceable than you were before. But that's not even the worst part.

The worst part is that the longer you rely on that machine translated text for your work, the less you are able to work without it.

Think that's bullshit? Think again. Ask any immigrant who, after living in a different country for years, becomes progressively worse at their mother tongue. Every skill is a muscle that you build and the moment you stop exercising it, you start getting weaker. You've spent countless hours perfecting your craft and now, you've outsourced it to some machine, traded it in so that you can spit out subpar texts and the CEO of some translation company can buy a third luxury car. And you kind of had no choice in it, because your 3k words per day pale in comparison to the 6k words per day a post-editor can deliver. Sure, they technically haven't replaced you. But they sure as hell devalued your craft and made you dependent on them.

Don't be fooled, this isn't progress. This is, in fact, the opposite of it. For God's sake, don't let this happen to writers. And do not be dazzled by the sparkle of GenAI if you want your brain-cells to keep braining.

[cozza-frenzy]

When does it stop being systems georg and start becoming a whole different problem?

I'm assuming you're talking about the fact there's a lot about us that's not typical of systems? Unfortunately we've had a number of anons approach us with the intent of like... armchair-psych-just-trust-me-bro "diagnosing" us with Maladaptive Daydreaming, Schizophrenia, or even outright accusing us of faking or being endogenic in some respect.

But if this ask is genuine - it depends. Sometimes systems do have Maladaptive Daydreaming, and it makes it difficult to tell the difference between the false world created for escapism full of imaginary friends, and the actual visualisation-based inner world full of dissociated parts. Sometimes systems are schizophrenic, and it makes it hard to tell which voices and tactile sensations are hallucinations, and which are alters and IW-related things. We hang around other systems with a host of co-morbidities - but while we try to help them when they're in crisis, we don't look at any of their experiences and think "this sounds like what happens with us". We have an active imagination; we're a system of creatives, and have dabbled in everything from art to writing to poetry our entire shared life. We wrote our first story with illustrations when we were just six. So it didn't surprise us when what started out as an extremely basic IW (just a mostly-featureless grey room with a screen where the front was) became far more complex over time. Our IW is heavy on metaphors, and we're under no delusions as to what it is; we see it as our brain telling us a story about itself, giving us information in the only way it knows how. By telling stories back at it - by taking actions in the IW that are meant to achieve a specific goal - we can help heal ourselves. We can put a stop to things that are hurting us, like intrusive thoughts and harmful impulses. So, given our Inner World is ultimately a semi-controlled visualization tool? It makes sense from our perspective that our subconscious interpreted a real-life trauma that caused a massive disruption to our system's structure, as absolutely everything going to shit. And Yggdrasil rose from the ashes when the 11 of us that remained from an original count of 39 pulled ourselves together and refused to give up. Our brain tries to pull the plug, reset the system and start again? No, fuck you. United we stand, our head in the clouds and our roots sunk deep in hope. If this ask is just someone trolling again... Let me be frank; this is us. You can take it or leave it. If you think we're annoying or cringe, the unfollow and block buttons are right there. I, personally, am more focused on important things like getting laundry and cleaning done, balancing the grocery budget, making three home-made meals a day, and preparing nutritionally appropriate food from scratch for a sick, elderly cat with multiple food allergies than making shit up about ourselves to get attention and sympathy online. We're well past the point of giving a fuck what people think.

[adivinationwitch]

I don't know about anyone else but I feel like I am seeing people talking about hating Taylor Swift more than people talking about liking her. And the haters are always going on about how fans and 'Swifties' (I feel they're two different things) won't shut up about her, and it's like 'dude, all I'm seeing on social media is you guys moaning'.

But it makes me think how true it is what Jameela Jamil recently said. That in the media they big up a woman, build her up, say how amazing she is, and then suddenly it's problematic and not amazing and it's average and over-saturation, even though the woman in question isn't doing anything any differently than before. Taylor is not the first woman to experience this in media, and she won't be the last.

So those of you who are engaging in posting constantly on how much you hate it, or how basic she is, or how lame her fans are, or how lame her music is (Please, show me your own music writing skills if you're capable of such critique), be aware that all you're really doing is engaging in the machine that constantly builds women up just to tear them down.

If you don't personally like her music, fine, if you, for some reason, don't appreciate the poetry of so many of lyrics, that's also fine, it wouldn't do for us all to like the same thing (I, personally, am not a fan of Lana Del Ray, though a lot of people are), but stop making bitching and moaning and being a tool of the patriarchal machine your whole personality, and stop bullying people for liking something, especially when it's liking something so innocent. There's a lot worse things for people to enjoy than a singer-songwriter.

And yes, just in case anyone decides to bombard me with the 'but private planes' argument, yes I agree it's a problem. I also think it's a problem when any other singer or celebrity uses private planes; if we're going to attack one, can we please attack them all? Beyonce uses a private jet far more than Taylor Swift in 2023, in fact she's in the top 4, while Taylor isn't in the top 10. Kardashians use it more, Celine Dion. This is a problem across the entire spectrum of celebrity, so if you're attacking Taylor for it, also attack the rest. Otherwise you're showing yourself to not care about the environment at all, you just care about being able to justify hating on a woman.

[welcomingdisaster]

Tell me more about this guide on torture WIP narrated by Maedhros then pls 👀👀

hi hi hi hi!!

i'm very excited about that wip! (currently it's on pause as i desperately scramble to finish my trsb, and i'm feeling the loss).

it is, more or less, exactly what it says on the tin. the full title is going to be "A guide on advanced interrogation techniques, attributed post-humously to Maedhros Feanorian," i think, and it's an in-universe text distributed in himring, in which mae discusses his experience being tortured, his experience torturing, and a little of the healing process. he's soo over it and normal, he promises. look at how detached this text is! could a traumatized elf make this, maglor?

here's an excerpt from the introduction!

I will say few words in introduction, for far too much has been written already in these times about the nature and effect of pain upon the elven psyche. Some claim it is as acid, dissolving the body and the mind alike until naught is left; others posit it cuts away only the unnecessary and reals true nature, as cold river water washing sand off a stone. Others yet say it twists and disfigures, turning the fair foul, twisting clear song into discord. 

I shall not let that philosophical debate lead me astray in this text; closeness to the subject here only serves to obscure truth, for hope and anger both serve to obscure truth in such matters. Indeed this text shall serve only as a description of the practicalities of pain; of the methods of delivery, the devices of particular importance to such foul arts, the manner and personal characteristics of torturers. 

Another word of warning: to any seeking to obtain information or loyalty by use of methods described in this text would do far better to seek their tools elsewhere. No means are too foul to be used in the war against darkness, but my own experience as torturer has shown me the folly of such things. Information given in torture is rarely accurate; indeed it is only given to obtain momentary relief from pain. Loyalty won so, likewise, is rarely kept. I shall describe my own experiment in interrogation of that nature, particularly against orcish foes. Learn from them what you may, and take counsel as much from my failures as my victories. 

This text, then, is a scientific chronicle of the unpleasant, as a study of the enemy, and, perhaps, guide to survival. The power of the enemy is finite; the means of the enemy are predictable,  base, and boring in the banality of their cruelty; pain passes, and flowers bloom again even on burned ground. 

But perhaps I obscure my true motives in writing this text; perhaps I seek to make poetry of a private annoyance. Perhaps I seek only to answer the questions with I see in the faces of all those who lay eyes on the scars carved into my flesh. What? Where? Why? And how awful had it been? 

Read, now, and trouble me no more. 

i'm still very much figuring out the exact voice and structure but it's a very fun thing to write! thanks for asking about it. <3