#i'm definitely going to experiment with this in memory leak

[ichbinmeltdown]

@kitts-mechanix ^^

you know what i need but haven't found? i need fics where starscream is trying to break the cycle. i need fics where starscream recognizes that he's repeating the same behaviors megatron hammered into him and that it's only hurting himself and those he actually cares about. i need fics where starscream fights like hell to be someone other than who he is now. i need fics where he stumbles, where he fucks up, but won't stop trying because the best possible way to get his revenge against megatron is to become himself again.

[monzabee]

diet pepsi - ln4 (+18)

masterlist ||

Summary: The one where you and Lando have a rather interesting way of resolving an argument. 

Pairing: lando norris x fwb!reader 

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: kinda cute ass fighting so fluff??, sex in a car, fingering, penetration, manhandling, no use of protection (wrap it before you tap it!!), cursing, minords dni!! 

Request: “okay but what about good old car sex with lando pleaseeee” 

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! first of all, who knew addison rae had the power to make a song that made me write this whole thing under 3 hours?? i certainly did not. secondly, i thought it would be nice to take a little break from the charles-carlos drama, and before i finish the third and final part to that little mini-series, i thought you guys would enjoy a little treat in the meantime! i have to admit writing for lando again was an interesting experience for me, but who knows, maybe i'll do it more often (i have one request that i'm obsessed with so that’s definitely coming your way as well!) also, i have an oscar fic in the works as well, so maybe the sudden change in mclaren also started to affect me lol. a quick psa, i know many people asked me in my last fic, but i do NOT have a taglist and i won’t be making one any time soon either! anywaaays, i hope you guys enjoy this fic, and feedback is welcome as always! thank you to the anon for their request, and good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee 

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms. 

“I can’t believe you’re drinking that in my car.” Lando complains, shooting you a sideway glare as you sip your choice of beverage contently.  

You tilt the cup slightly in his direction, grinning. “Relax, it’s not like it’s going to explode, nor it is your car.” 

“It might as well,” Lando mutters, eyes back on the road. “Knowing your luck, the second I hit a bump, that thing will be all over the place and I’ll have to explain what happened to Zak. Do you even know how much it costs to clean these seats?” 

You laugh, swirling the drink in the cup. “You’re being dramatic, it’s not like you are the one to detail the cars you use. It’s fine, I’ve got this under control.” 

“Famous last words,” Lando grumbles. His grip tightens on the steering wheel as if he’s preparing for impact. 

You glance at him, amused. “Are you always this paranoid about your car, or is it just me?” 

“It’s you. Definitely you.” He shoots you another look, this one laced with mock suspicion. “You have a history, you know.” 

“Oh, puh-lease,” you drawl, rolling your eyes as you turn your upper body to face him. “Tell me one time I actually made a mess in your car, and I’ll throw away this can right now.” 

Lando doesn't hesitate as he answers quickly. “Monaco. Last year. You remember that smoothie incident, right?” 

You blink a couple of times, taken aback. “That doesn’t count! That was your fault for speeding around the corner like a maniac. How was I supposed to hold on to it?” 

He smirks, clearly enjoying the memory. “Oh, so now it’s my fault, huh? You were the one who insisted on bringing a smoothie into my car five minutes before a race.” 

“You didn’t even have to brake so hard,” you mutter, crossing your arms defensively. “I had it under control until you decided to turn it into a F1 race.” 

Lando chuckles, shaking his head. “Doesn't matter. I still won, throw it away now.” 

“That doesn’t count, it was clearly your fault!” You complain, holding the can protectively. “There’s no way I’m tossing this because of your bad driving.” 

Lando laughs, shaking his head. “Bad driving? I think I’d take that up with the people who hired me to race professionally.” 

“Professionally doesn’t mean you’re not reckless,” you quip, a playful glint in your eyes. “Especially when there’s a smoothie involved.”  

“Fine,” he contends, shrugging, “how about that time I made you come too hard, and you leaked onto the seats?”  

This manages to shut you down for a moment, with eyes nearly bulging out of your head, you gasp at Lando’s sudden choice of words. “Lando!” You exclaim, reaching over the console to hit him on the arm gently, “That’s vulgar!” 

Silently chuckling at your reaction, he reaches over as he places a hand on your upper thigh, his hand tightening as you hold his wrist in warning. “It’s the truth,” he reminds you with a smirk, “don’t go shy on me, now, you were the one to get the seats all messed up because of how wet you were.” If you weren’t blushing before, your face most definitely resembles a tomato now as he continues his stream of consciousness, “Not that I’m complaining, though, I’m pretty sure I came in my pants when I made you cum just from my fingers.”  

 “You– you did?” The question flies from your mouth before you can stop yourself.  

The smile that overtakes the smirk on Lando’s face is almost sweet, and he coos at the innocence of your question as he squeezes your thigh again. “Oh baby,” he coos, “it was the hottest thing ever.”  

Your thighs attempt to trap his hand as you inadvertently press them tighter together, your nose scrunching up in confusion. “But it was messy.”  

“That was the best part,” Lando confirms, his thumb caressing your skin. “I loved getting to clean you up afterwards, didn’t I? Almost as much as you loved it.” 

“Sure.” You mumble, shrugging as you do your best to ignore his burning stare. You’d be worried about the fact that he was supposed to be driving if it was someone else, but considering he’s a F1 driver, you don’t comment on Lando’s lack of his surroundings as he pushes your thighs apart. “What are you doing?” You ask, confused as he moves his fingers further up your skirt.  

“You just focus on finishing that drink, okay?” He mumbles as his fingers pull your underwear to the side. “I’m suddenly in the mood for something sweet myself.”  

“Lando, I don’t think we should do th–hat.” Your voice waivers towards the end as his fingertips press on your clit, drawing lax circles on the bundle of nerves. “Lando,” you try to warn him, but your voice comes out as a high-pitched whimper.  

He shushes you gently as his fingers spread your wetness around your skin, causing you to bite down on your lip to silence yourself. Lando lets his dissent known by clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, mumbling, “Don’t silence yourself, let me hear you, baby.” And when you give him what he wants and let out a loud moan as your hips involuntarily buck against his hand. Grinding the palm of his hand against your puffy clit, Lando uses your wetness to slowly push two of his fingers into you, drawing out another moan as you lean your head against the headrest. “My God, baby, look at you. You’re already making a mess on the seats.”  

“N-no,” you manage to whine, shaking your head as you give him a pleading but stubborn look, “I’m not making a mess.”  

“No?” He asks, mocking the pout that has found its way onto your lips. “Then who is so wet against my hand that it’s dripping, huh?” You're not sure if it’s his words or the way his fingers keep moving in and out of your cunt, but in either case, the overwhelming need of just something more causes you to attempt to put the can in your hand down, when Lando tuts again in warning, “You don’t get to put your drink down until you first come on my fingers.” 

After his words set in, you finally come to your senses, suddenly opening your eyes as you give him a shocked look. “Wha–what?” You ask, “What if I spill?” 

He shrugs, an innocent smile on his lips as he throws you a glance, “I guess you’ll just have to be careful and not spill it.” The smile on his lips grows as you let out a frustrated sound, and he responds by moving his fingers in a come-hither motion to git the spot, which causes your body to arch into his touch. “Are you going to give me what I want?” He asks, his concentration still on the road as he tries to find a secluded spot to park the car.  

“Uh-huh,” you mutter, voice shaky as you focus on not dropping the can in your hand, “I will, Lando, just keep doing that.”  

“Doing what?” He asks in a faux-innocent tone, as he goes back to simply continuing the pistoning movement of his fingers. “Like this?” He asks, with a shit eating grin on his face as you whine. “Or, like this?” He asks again, but this time, he repeats the movement of his fingers previously as he hits your g-spot again.  

You can’t control the scream that gets released from the back of your throat as your body shakes violently. “That,” you breathe out, your free hand holding onto the seatbelt so tight that you can feel it starting to cramp your hand a little bit, “don’t you dare stop doing that.” 

Lando lets out a low chuckle, clearly satisfied with your desperate plea. His fingers continue their relentless pace, teasing and coaxing you closer to the edge. “Oh, I won’t stop,” he murmurs, his tone soft yet commanding. “Not until you give me what I want.” 

Your entire body feels like it's on fire, the combination of his skilled fingers and the impossible task of not spilling your drink has you teetering on the edge. The car feels smaller, the world outside irrelevant, as Lando’s attention is focused solely on you. Being so consumed by the way Lando’s fingers move in and out of your cunt, you don’t even know that the car you are in at the moment has been abandoned in the side of a deserted road. You grip the can tighter, your hand trembling as the tension builds in your core. “Lando,” you gasp, a hint of desperation seeping into your voice. “I— I can't—” 

He smirks, enjoying your struggle. “You can,” he counters smoothly, leaning slightly closer while keeping one hand on the steering wheel. “You can do it, just let it go, baby.” His thumb presses harder on your clit, drawing another loud moan from your lips. 

“Lando, please,” you beg, your voice almost cracking under the weight of your impending release. “I’m going to—” 

“Good,” he cuts you off, his smirk widening. “Let go for me, baby. And don't you dare spill that drink." 

His words are your undoing. With one final flick of his fingers, you shatter around him, your body convulsing with pleasure as you ride out your high. Your head falls back against the seat, your hand gripping the can so hard you’re not surprised it bursts under the pressure. 

His words are your undoing. With one final flick of his fingers, you shatter around him, your body convulsing with pleasure as you ride out your high. Your head falls back against the seat, your hand gripping the can so hard you’re not surprised it bursts under the pressure. 

You hear Lando’s satisfied chuckle as he eases his fingers out of you, giving your thigh one last affectionate squeeze. “Good girl,” he murmurs, glancing over at you with a proud smile. “Look at how good you look.” He shamelessly holds his fingers in front of your face, then without missing a beat, he brings his fingers into his mouth. The way he moans is nothing short of sinful, and you watch him with your lips parted as he mumbles around his fingers, “I think you spilled it a little bit.” 

“E-Excuse me?” You stutter, looking at Lando with the horrified look on your face. “No, I didn’t!” 

Lando raises an eyebrow, his smirk never faltering as he glances down at the mess on the seat. “Oh, but you did,” he teases, licking his lips after savoring the taste of you on his fingers. His eyes gleam with amusement as he points at the spot between your legs. “Not the drink, though… you.” 

Your face burns with a mix of embarrassment and desire, your breath still uneven as you try to process what just happened. “That’s not what I—” you stammer, crossing your arms over your chest, but Lando just laughs softly. 

“Relax, love. It’s nothing a little cleaning can’t fix.” He leans back in his seat, eyes never leaving you, his hand returning to the steering wheel like what just happened was the most normal thing in the world. “Besides, I’d much rather clean you up later.” 

You feel the heat spread through your body again, and despite yourself, you can’t help but feel a wave of arousal wash over you. Lando’s confidence, the way he handles you with such ease, is almost intoxicating. But as much as you’re enjoying the moment, a small part of you knows this is ridiculous. 

“You’re insufferable,” you mutter, trying to regain some composure, though your flushed cheeks give you away. 

Lando just grins, completely unbothered. “You love it,” he says casually, shooting you another one of those playful sideway glances that makes your heart race. “Admit it. You like when I make you lose control.” 

You bite your lip, fighting the urge to throw a retort his way. But you can’t deny it, not after the way your body reacted to his touch. “You’re lucky you’re good at this,” you finally concede, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Lando’s smile softens, just for a moment. “Good at a lot of things,” he says, his voice dropping to a more intimate tone. Then he pulls the car to a stop, turning off the engine before leaning toward you, his lips brushing your ear as he whispers, “And I’m just getting started.” 

[xincountry]

Why and How Kunigami Rensuke Can Still Score in BM vs PXG

mega copium by certified kunigami glazer aka me... spoilers until ch 283. if 284 leaks come out right now and disprove this entire essay please pretend i never posted it

Like. This is Copium Supreme. I do not genuinely believe this is realistic, it's just what I want to happen, so I'm trying to find evidence to back it up.

The evidence, since BM vs PXG started.

1. Chapter 248.

In the entire NEL arc, this is the first encounter we have directly with Kunigami in what is assumed to be Wild Card. Right before the PXG vs BM match. Based on descriptions he himself, Noel Noa, Reo etc have given us—quotes like "The Wild Card... was an experiment to create a "vessel". Someone with the same physique as Noel Noa.", and Noel Noa himself explicitly referring to Kunigami as "wild card copyman". To me, this is some kind of foreshadowing that Kunigami may actually do something in this match, because I just cannot understand why else this snippet of Wild Card will be given here otherwise.

I wonder what on earth could've broken his resolve for him to become like this after it. But interestingly here also, Ego explicitly says "Abandon your ego." And then:

2. "Kunigami's ego is still burning" — Isagi Yoichi, Chapter 255.

They're dangling the Kunigami character development right in front of me I swear. Since Wild Card, this match has been the most clear-headed (for lack of better word) we've seen Kunigami, when he's always come across as conflicted or unnecessarily (almost pretentiously at times) obnoxious and rude, especially when he didn't have the skill to back it up sometimes. (Like in chapter 213 with the Egoist 4 and going "I'm not interested in that reunion shit" etc—but when you see how they treat him, despite how much he's changed, it should've been more obvious that he's never changed at all. Maybe) In a way, I perceive this as his ego "reawakening", or at least morphing to fit the limbo between the old hero him, and the him now, changed by Wild Card.

As I'm writing this, for all we know, this is just another "build up" to the Wild Card reveal in the post-NEL/Japan U20s arc, and I wouldn"t even be surprised. But to that, I ask, again and again: why now? Why bring up the idea of Kunigami's ego "still burning", the memory of them sharing steak together after Isagi's assist during their Team Z days, now?

I think there's definitely an impending chemical reaction with them happening at some point—again, remember that this happened Before Kaiser/Rin's awakenings in chapters 260 and 271 respectively, but I think there is potential for them to team up again if the three minutes for Star Change System runs out/a Kunigami subsitution—and for their chemical reaction to actually be successful.

3. Noel Noa subsituting Kunigami out for Igaguri

Really, this match feels like the perfect time for Kunigami to awaken, properly. He's playing against Shidou, and his time on the field to keep him at bay is being replaced by the person he's supposed to copy and Igaguri. Arguably a character which is not liked because he really just feels like the lowest of the lows—and yet during 2nd selection he took up a spot that could've very much been Kunigami's. Which, well. Just Kunigami's bad luck.

Chapter 276

Narratively, I get it. Igaguri here is being used to contain Rin—in a way, the way Kunigami was marking Shidou. But at the same time I just really think its neat how they're really making Kunigami face up against his second selection rivals—the people who ruined his life.

4. What happens after the Star Change timer runs out?

In the Barcha match, Kunigami is subbed out for Isagi after he fails to contribute to the team's attack, and after that Noa subs himself in when Lavinho does���as he always does, but crucially, this is the event we're facing now in BM vs PXG. After the Star Change timer runs out, Noa subs in Kunigami and says this:

Chapter 167

Somehow, I think after the events of Chapter 255, and Kunigami having to play against Shidou, he'll have a different feeling when he's told to mimic Noa. That could be a segue into Kunigami's awakening as his "new ego", or it could be me just being copium.

Another thing that is similar from the Barcha match and PXG is Isagi's chemical reaction/assist to Kaiser. In chapter 283, we see Isagi try to defeat Rin by intentionally putting himself in a "supporting role" for Kaiser to block Rin's shot. This is explicitly stated as a "talented learner x talented learner" chemical reaction.

Chapter 283

Now, parallel to the very first match in the NEL with BM vs Barcha, where Isagi passes to Kunigami instead. The scores are perfectly identical right now: 2 - 2 on both sides, and Kunigami scores.

Chapter 167

Specifically, Isagi tells Kunigami "Awaken your flow. Let's destroy Kaiser and this team." In a way, this is very much what is happening in the match against PXG, where Kunigami entered flow while defending against Shidou—instead of "this team" the destruction could be redirected towards PXG instead?

Kunigami's ego

We know Isagi has been trying to categorise the people on the field into different "ego types." I'll like to talk about this first: world-type and self-type, and how this plays into the "genius" vs "prodigy (talented learner)" ideas that Isagi/Ego brought up.

Chapter 267, Chapter 282

By this definition, Kunigami is a genius: someone who has strong beliefs in their own talents, born with extreme physical abilities, etc. "Self-style/genius" people also feel what they believe in/like is of the most importance, emotions which help them further develop their ego, which is evident in people like Shidou ("my soccer"/"it's a biological need"/"explosions"), Itoshi "I Need To Surpass My Brother" Rin, etc. This is also evident when in chapter 255 where Kunigami manages to completely shut down Shidou, motivated by the desire to get some sort of redemption for what he did to him:

Chapter 255

As a prodigy (world-style ego, someone who can adapt and "use" the talent of geniuses to do good. Where the geniuses are concerned about the one goal they score, the world-style ego prodigies are more concerned about the environment and the circumstances that lead up to that goal, and their attempts to contribute to it.) I think Isagi will need to learn that he has an arsenal of geniuses (Kunigami) on his team, and more than just trying to beat a genius like Rin through the nature of being a genius (aka: fixation on certain emotions and obsessions to improve), or the prodigy x prodigy chemical reactions he wanted to form, he needs to make use of a genius. Kunigami being one is really important, because I think he's gonna get subbed in after the Star Change timer runs out, given that there's really only 10 seconds left on the clock.

Chapter 284 and beyond

The title of chapter 284 is titled "Soul". I am literally hoping for the love of all things bright and beautiful and amazing that this is referring to Kunigami's soul: trying to resolve his conflicting two halves of being an emotional hero and being a cyborg. Like please. This is all I ask for—given that the timer on the Star Change at the start of 283 was literally 10 seconds I hope in the time it took for Rin to scream Isagi Isagi Isagi Isagi and shoot and when Gagamaru blocked it I hope the ball went out of play and now they have to subsititute people or something. Please.

Also, with the U20 Japan arc coming up and Sae probably being on the team with the other bluelockians hence revealing Sae's (S)Pain Backstory I can't really find a space where Kunigami would have his true time to shine as a Wild Card survivor—given that Noel Noa, the guy he's supposed to be a copy of, will only be here for this arc presumably like he'll go back to Germany after the NEL. I think. There's also the impending Chekov's gun of Chigiri's ACL reinjury which I'm not looking forward to and I'm really hoping it doesn't happen (my shipper brain has turned it into "Kunigami sees Chigiri injure his ACL on the field, is reminded of all the times they spent together, and has an awakening" and now I'm trying to avoid that scenario) so. Really. Please.

@ Kaneshiro, when you say Kunigami has a focus/awakening, I hope you mean in these next couple of chapters.

[innerworlds-imagined]

hey, weird question, and if you don't know how to answer it's fine but... what exactly is a headspace?

we consider ourselves to have one, but it's not exactly what a lot of people describe. we use it more to visualise our own conversations rather than like, a place we're actually in.

part of this might be being monoconscious? when we aren't fronting or near front, we don't exactly feel like we exist. when fronting I can like, reach back and try and bring others near to front, but it isn't like I'm calling them in from headspace, even though I can sense where they are there and like, take them out? it's weird. I'd describe it as changing povs in a game where you play multiple characters, where the ones you aren't playing at the moment are replaced by bots.

our headspace is more like, you can feel it there. I know we have something, but it isn't always there, and sometimes it leaks into the real world too. like I'm moving about in real life but the headspace is being visualised around me, like a extra dimension to reality (being added to the world rather than covering up the original, I guess? I can still see real life)

sorry this is long, and weird. I just don't know where to ask... what can I say, I'm curious!

Hey there! This is a really good question.

We certainly can't speak for everyone, but for us personally, we think there are many definitions for a headspace. We feel that it's a little bit different for everybody, just like no one plural person experiences the same exact things.

If it helps, we completely understand what you're saying! I'll explain more below:

I think that for us, a headspace can simply and mainly be defined as a place where headmates or alters reside when they're not at front. From what I've gathered from interacting with and learning about other systems, this can look different for everybody. Honestly, that's part of what got us into the creation of headspaces for systems to begin with!

I'm gonna get a little personal here, but I'll keep things vague. My partner and I are both systems. I didn't realize that I was a system until I learned about my partner's experiences and kind of realized I might be one as well. I asked him a lot about what he experienced and then looked a lot more into plurality as a whole before I even wanted to outwardly call myself a system.

My point there is, I talked with my partner a decent bit about experiences - such as headspaces.

What we came to figure out is that my partner has a hard time with seeing his inner world and being let into it. I won't speak too much on his behalf, but I feel like he's described it as just really dark before (forgive me if I'm wrong, my memory can be absolutely The Worst).

For me, most of the time, I can visualize my headspace when I want to. It's really just a,,, carbon copy of my house. I really wish it were more exciting. But I can look in and see what's going on in there most of the time, but other times, it's like they don't want me to see what's there and I'm like "what the hell are y'all doin' in there"

I feel like this is a good example of how everyone's experiences with headspaces are different. I do experience part of what you described as well, so you're definitely not alone. And just because you experience things differently than other systems doesn't make yours any less valid.

Headspaces can be confusing sometimes, but generally, they're what I described at the beginning

I really hope that this helped out! If you need any more clarification, feel free to reach out to us in either a dm or another anon ask if you want to remain anonymous!

[bluegekk0]

5 for fpk, holly, hornet, Grimm, & lewk

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

(fpk)

i believe he could do that, yes. he most certainly has plenty of things he could think about to get himself to that point

the vessels and the fact that he failed the kingdom would be the most obvious (and the most effective) ones. but i think thinking back to his past would also get him teary eyed. he may not remember all the details from his childhood, but the day his mother left is definitely one that still remains in his memory. the unhappy marriage with the white lady is another one of those things, while at the time he thought he could manage it and that any discomfort or stress was worth it to make her happy, looking back he realizes how much she unintentionally hurt him, both mentally and physically (the last one was rare, but without going into detail, i think you can imagine in what sort of situations that usually happened)

and then there's his constant worries, that he's a burden, that he doesn't deserve any love, and that his loved ones may abandon him if he does something wrong. it's very often that he cries because of it, and if he had to cry on command, it would be very effective to think about that. then again, he usually does

(holly)

they can't cry, though i think the idea of the void leaking from their eyes to mimic tears could be pretty interesting. if they could do that, then thinking about the radiance and everything she told them would likely help getting them to that point. i don't think i ever mentioned that dynamic, but i definitely think she kept reminding them that they're a failure and that their father is disappointed in them (she was definitely projecting, she had a similar obsession in making her father proud so she would have all the ammunition needed to break holly's strong will)

now, fpk's return and their subsequent interactions eased that worry, but it still lingers in the back of their mind. i'm not sure how effective that would be in actually getting them to cry. like i said, they don't really cry in the same way others do

(grimm)

i'll mention him here instead of hornet cause, similarly to holly, he can't cry. at all. his eyes are simply not built for that. so naturally he can't cry on command either. but i suppose i can still talk about things that would get him crying if he could

first of all, his loneliness was often overwhelming to him, and he often found himself in situations where normally he'd cry, but instead he just sulked around and stared into the distance. but for more specific thoughts, losing fpk was very hard for him. he had some hope that he would return, but that was squashed after his third or fourth return to hallownest, with fpk nowhere to be seen. if he thought that his loneliness was overwhelming, then the thought that fpk could be dead was devastating to him. and even then, the idea that he might lose him again is something that often keeps him up at night. it almost happened once, after the attempt on fpk's life by a rogue grimmkin, and if he could cry, then the sight of fpk, weakened and scared after that attack, would be enough to get him to tear up

(hornet)

i don't think she can cry on command. she bottles everything in too well, and she sees crying as a weakness. the rare times it happens, she hides from everyone and makes sure they can't see her in that state. so for that reason it's hard to think of anything that could get her to cry on the spot. but there are still things that get her choked up. the day her father disappeared being the biggest one, but the memories of her childhood would also affect her, both the negative and the happy ones. all those years of being alone, she wished she cherished those moments more at the time, she thought she took them for granted, and now she would never experience them again. thankfully, she was wrong. well, somewhat. it's definitely far from her childhood, but at least she has a family again, and slowly but surely she will learn to be more open about how much she appreciates them

(lewk)

similarly, i don't think lewk can cry on command either. i will say that, unlike grimm, he can physically cry. his eyes are built similarly to fpk's, so they also possess the ability to produce tears. but i still don't think he's able to do it on the spot if asked to. he doesn't have the same emotional baggage as the rest of the family, so i doubt there's anything that could even get him to that point, aside from the usual things that make children cry

[sonderwrit]

C120: This is enough

I Have to Be a Great Villain - Masterpost

Author's 木火然 Weibo post:

亿哥秦先生祝福大家新年快乐！！！新的一年一起走下去吧！[爱你][爱你][爱你]大家都有什么新年愿望呢～

Brother Yi and Mr. Qin wishes everyone Happy New Year!!! Let's walk towards the new year together! [love you][love you][love you] What kind of New Year's wishes does everyone have~

Qin Xian: Mm.

QX: Come on.

Wang Yi: …..

WY: [Ahh, I hate this feeling]

WY: [Of being overly protected by someone else)]

Y: [I'm not upset because of Luo Wenliu targeting me]

WY: [Or the packet of realgar that Qin Xian gave me.]

QX: Disci…ple?

*nomnom*

WY: [But because I don't want to admit—]

WY: Hahhh—

WY: Finally I feel more clearheaded.

WY: [The fact that I'm gradually falling behind S-0 and Qin's footsteps.]

WY: [I have no idea what they want to do.]

QX: ……

QX: No need for this. Biting me is the same.

WY: It's not the same.

WY: (Although I easily agreed to losing my memories, it doesn't feel good to be the only one who's protected.) [It's like I'm dragging them down.]

WY: Pain is better than drinking blood to clear the head.

QX: …..

QX: (Memories?)

QX: It's a Master's duty to protect the disciple.

WY: Huh?

WY: (What kind of reaction is this? Is that all he wants to say?)

WY: But disciples should respect masters too, right? How can I rely on you all the time.

WY: (I thought he'd question me on my chaotic thoughts.) [I even prepared an excuse in advance.] *rips fabric*

*can barely control himself from leaking any "fatal" intel*

QX: …….

WY: *doesn't treat the wound so the pain can keep him clearheaded*

WY: !

QX: Master isn't sure what disciple's being so stubborn about. Since you don't want Master to ask, then I won't.

QX: However, Yunshan Sect doesn't accept demonic disciples, so you can't return with your current symptoms of demonization. Master will find a way to solve…

WY: Master.

QX: ?

WY: It's fine, you've already helped me a lot. And you've always cared for me and accompanied me.

(FLASHBACK)

Young Wang Yi: Kitty! Kitty!

(END FLASHBACK)

WY: This is enough.

QX: !

QX: What does disciple mean.

WY: Disciple hopes you won't consider my safety. Whether it's cultivation or eliminating demons, just do what you have to do.

QX: ….. I made an agreement with you to study all the contents of that book.

WY: Huh? Don't misunderstand, I'm not leaving you.

WY: That's not what I meant.

WY: It's just that you've been looking after me and staying by my side so long that it's time for you to take a break.

WY: (Haha, I'm so ashamed.)

WY: [I should've figured it out earlier.]

QX: ? It wasn't very long, I'm not tired. [Only over a decade or so.]

WY: To me it's a long time.

#Communication along different frequencies#

WY: [Since there's no way to change the status quo or the people]

WY: So coming up next—

WY: [The only way left—]

WY: It's my turn to chase you.

WY: [Is to change myself, right?]

WY: [I've never been someone impressive.]

WY: [And I've never thought of accomplishing great things.]

WY: [Although my friends did and I accompanied them]

Friend: We're just catching a thief.

Wang Yi: Hello, is this 110?*

*110 is the equivalent to 911 in China

WY: [Since Mr. Qin has rushed to me again and again]

Qin Xian 1: Brother Yi.

Qin Xian 2: City lord.

Qin Xian 3: Wang Yi.

WY: [I too, towards him—]

WY: [Will take this step.]

WY: Urk. *blushes*

WY: In any case, just busy yourself and I'll follow you like death. If I can't catch up, don't worry about it, just treat it as me going out to gain experience, but I'll definitely find you after a year.

WY: (Since the story plot will begin then, I'll need to return to the sect even if it means spending points and using props.)

QX: ….. *Iceberg Sword Saint Trying to Understand Human Emotions.jpg*

WY: (So awkward���)

WY: (I never thought there'd come a day where I pursued someone myself.)

S-0: Host—

WY: (See, I'm even hallucinating S-0's voice.)

S-0: Host—great—

S-0: AhhhHHHHHHH HOST—! GREAT NEWS!!!!

WY: (Damn! It's really him?!)

WY: (BUT QIN XIAN IS STILL HERE!)

WY: Sao Ling! *blocking him from Qin Xian*

QX: ?

QX: (This cat again)

WY: Why did you run out again! Don't you need to hide?

WY: Master, go rest first. This spiritual cat seems to want me for "something unimportant."

QX: ? (High cultivation, heard every single word)

S-0: It's fine it's fine!

S-0: I came to tell Host that the Main System—

S-0: HAS COMPLETELY LEFT!!!!

~𝕳𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖑𝖚𝖏𝖆𝖍~

WY: ???

QX: *trying to understand*

S-0: It's not time for the plot yet, so you and Sword Saint Qin don't need to worry about breaking character. [The novel doesn't record what happens in the downtime outside of missions.]

WY: *quietly* No, I don't understand.

WY: Rather, I'm not even sure what you two are playing at, I need an explanation.

S-0: Oh, how to put it.

S-0: It's more or less what you guessed, we put on an act to fool the Main System.

S-0: There was originally a little complication.

S-0: "It" finished inspecting the world and was too lazy to leave because it didn't find any loopholes.

(FLASHBACK: S-0 saying "Yes" to the Main System's declaration that they'd stay.)

S-0: I was almost scared to death and even considered messing with the world itself.

S-0: But then Luo Wenliu showed up.

(FLASHBACK: Qin Xian going "oh" to LWL's dramatic reveals.)

S-0: The Main System inspected him, found a fragment of data related the "Wanted Person" on him, and chased that fragment out of this world. (Lucky~)

WY: ? *Confused #1*

QX: ? *Confused #2*

S-0: Forget it, you wouldn't understand even if I explained.

S-0: At any rate, the alarms are clear.

S-0: Before the mission starts one year later, Host can be your own person.

WY: ….hey. (Don't monologue to yourself.)

S-0: All you need to do is:

S-0: One, explain the situation to Sword Saint Qin and help him recover his memories.

S-0: Two, playact as before until you reach the novel ending, and that's it. (That's why I avoided telling Sword Saint Qin about this matter.)

(SCENARIO: Qin Xian going "Unfilial disciple! Master will clean up the sect today!)

WY: ……

WY: Hah…. *headache*

WY: (And I was just preparing to "reverse pursue" him.)

WY: God knows what you two were plotting. I'd thank the Heavens if it went as smoothly as planned.

WY: Master, you've more or less heard about the situation.

WY: May I ask what you're…

WY: Thinking, right now?

---

(look they have matching panels in this chapter hehe)

[fashionablyenigmatic]

Pushing/Protecting: Percy

Cadmus, Alphonse, and Percy were sitting in the living room of Cadmus’ penthouse at Dolore Tower. Earlier that day, Percy had experienced a fright involving what he insisted wasn’t a ghost.

"It wasn’t a ghost. There must be a gas leak or something that made me hallucinate," Percy reasoned, though his hands still trembled as he held his teacup. Alphonse looked at his son with a silent but exasperated expression, as if to say, 'Are you still attaching random ghosts to furniture? I thought you grew out of that.'

Ignoring Alphonse's unspoken question, Cadmus held Percy's hands to steady them. "Do you remember which floor it was on? I'll have maintenance check for any gas leaks."

Percy hesitated, then admitted guiltily, "I think it was on the 13th floor."

Cadmus squinted. "Why were you in accounting?"

Percy grinned sheepishly. "I was in the lobby earlier, and I followed Carol because she had a box of doughnuts, and I wanted one. They were from Jeffy's Bakery, I think."

"Oh, that makes sense. Well, sip your tea. I'm sure the ghost had no beef with you. Otherwise, we would’ve sensed it," Alphonse said casually.

Percy rolled his eyes. He wasn’t a believer. He knew Alphonse and Cadmus were practicing pagan witches, but he didn’t believe in magic. "It wasn’t a ghost. It could be any number of mundane things."

Luckily for Percy, Cadmus wasn’t too pushy about their belief in magic. Sure, Cadmus would light incense, but Percy liked the smell. Alphonse was similar, though he viewed Percy’s skepticism as something to politely debate.

Alphonse smiled. "Well, before we dismiss it entirely, what did this ghost—or hallucination—look like?"

Percy tried to remember, but nothing specific came to mind. For some reason, his brain kept flashing to that scene in Ghostbusters with the librarian ghost. "Uh... I don't really remember. I just know I got scared. It might’ve just been a panic attack."

Cadmus was quick to help Percy dismiss the situation. "Well, better that than ghosts. I find the topic creepy—same with aliens."

Percy chuckled. "Oh, definitely. Aliens aren't real."

Alphonse seized the moment. "Now hold on. I understand your skepticism about our beliefs, that's fine. But dismissing aliens altogether is a bit silly."

Cadmus shot his father a defensive look. "Don't correct my boyfriend," he said aloud before sending a telepathic message, If he's wrong, let him be wrong. I'm working on it.

Alphonse replied mentally, Well, if he's going to be wrong, let him be wrong... in the right way. he added, somewhat lamely.

Percy’s eyes darted between the two, who seemed to be staring at each other in silence, making him feel awkward. To break the tension, he said, "Okay, fine. But they haven’t come to Earth and abducted anyone."

Alphonse nodded. "That's fair." Still wrong, though, he thought at Cadmus.

Percy, oblivious to the mental exchange, shifted the conversation. "It’s simple, really," he explained, recalling something he heard on a podcast. "In the Western world, as babies, we often experience being woken up at night, picked up from our beds or cribs, and handled unexpectedly. Sometimes, those memories manifest as dreams, especially when exacerbated by sleep paralysis. It’s a perfectly reasonable and rational explanation."

Cadmus smiled. "That’s interesting. Do you think this is also connected to the sensation of falling while sleeping?"

Glad the conversation was back on track, Percy replied, "No, no. That’s something more primal—an evolutionary thing from when we slept in trees. Have you ever noticed that feeling when you’re not holding onto something, like a pillow or me?"

As Alphonse sipped his tea, he thought to Cadmus, You know, you and your siblings did have a habit of floating when you were little... Although in Karnus’s case, he just fell from the rafters, and Benni would just randomly teleport.

Cadmus replied a bit too enthusiastically, "Yes, I have!" Then, telepathically to Alphonse, Shut up, Dad. I’m easing him into this.

Alphonse shot his son a look. Well, what’s taking so long?

Percy nodded, continuing, "Apparently, if you’re holding onto something, it helps prevent that sensation."

Because I can’t read his mind, Cadmus mentally snapped back at Alphonse, and if I suddenly expose him to our world, he might not like me anymore. He’s the first good relationship I’ve had in a long time, you fucking asshole.

Cadmus pulled Percy into a hug. "Well, in that case, I’ll just have to hold onto you even tighter when we sleep together." He kissed Percy’s cheek, then shot a pointed look at Alphonse. So lay off, Dad.

Percy remained blissfully unaware of the sharp mental exchange between his boyfriend and his boss, enjoying the warmth of Cadmus's hug with a smile.

@passimtemere

[notmuchtoconceal]

What would you do if an exact, perfect clone with all your memories materialized in front of you (this clone, from his perspective, also believes you materialized in front of him and that you're the clone)? Serious answer. We shall assume that, given near identical circumstances, initial reactions would likely be near identical until small differentiations lead to enough deviation to interact with this individual as his own separate person. We shall also assume this phenomenon occurred as a result of a small, nearly ineffectual decision. Perhaps the only difference in memory is a decision made five seconds ago (walking to the left vs walking to the right) which, thankfully, also allows for this variation to occur. I know a lot of people go for a joke answer or a broad answer without elaborating how they got there, but this is a genuine thought experiment. (The superfluous caveats here are meant to prevent snarking dodging. You are getting boxed into my prison and tied up with duct tape and you will answer this silly, stupid question and YOU WILL LIKE IT.) Anyway. :)

Also, this is Ask Friend Crazy Guy asking the question, so you definitely don't have to rack your brain wondering if it's me or somebody from your past fucking with you. I'm saving you the trouble. It's Ask Friend Crazy Guy, which means you're *definitely* being fucked with! But it's the type of fucking-with that has a more capricious flavor, rather than one that is outright malicious or has poorly veiled projections stitched into it, like the other losers who bother you, who I am better than. AFCG is like a cat exposing his belly, so as to administer playful biting, grabbing, and foot-kicks when you go to pet him. In other words, this is definitely a trap. But you're not gonna get hurt if you allow yourself to get trapped. I'm just being courteous enough to tell you right away.

Remember that I still serve you. That's the truth.

I wrote this in seventeen minutes and forty-one seconds. Pathetic. You're welcome.

P.S. I, too, am, as they say, eh-bakedasfuck.

i can tell from your vibe who you are right away, but then when you affirm that you're not who i suspect you might be, you demonstrate his thought process with such eerie prescience that it becomes disturbing and i start to wonder if you and he are the same person again and if you are, if he's pulling my leg or if i actually drove him into a totally dissociative break, or most likely -- one part of him is in on the joke and the other isn't.

this isn't a gateway i want to open. if you're somebody else trying to fuhrer bradley me by being obviously evil, then lulling me into a false sense of security for like 40 episodes before revealing you're a homunculus, that is a long haul i am willing to go on, bro.

as for your question, i am going to not think about this and let it percolate, returning to it later at a preordinated time.

kindly leak and salivate as you sit there, lil demon.

this is gonna be worth the wait.

[only1one1me]

My art!

What are we learning in D&D? If you want to give your elf amnesia and the DM giddily asks if they can be the one to give her her backstory, maaaaaybe second guess saying 'sure'. LOL.

[We discover at the beginning of the campaign that the reason my elf, Tomo'e, has no voice and has to use whistling as a verbal component is because her parents traded her voice for her health in a deal with an unseelie fae known as the 'Sowing Sorrow' because she was a sickly baby. But the fae tricked them and took the whole child, and the reason why she was able to leave the faewilds after 17 years is because a fae priestess traded herself for her freedom. So, the party marched into the faewilds and got rid of that fae, then rescued the priestess]

Tomo'e: Good. That's the last we'll see of him.

(Haha sike)

[goes below 0 in a fight with bbeg's mad scientist]

Tomo'e: Well, that's not good.

[enters a mindscape where she realizes that the fae she thought we killed is actually still alive and living inside her, and comes out as sentient armor like a frikkin Jinchuriki to save her life--but at an unknown cost]

Tomo'e: That's definitely not good.

[party gets captured by BBEG's underlings later on]

Tomo'e: How bad is this?

[gets literally vivisected by the BBEG's mad scientist underling to see how she ticks because he wants to see what a fae deal looks like on a person's body]

Tomo'e: Very bad. Got it.

[makes up mid-vivisection because something in her mindscape is freaking out and lashing out at her, so she wakes up feeling everything that's happening to her, and is shortly put back to sleep via fantasy chloroform]

Tomo'e: Very very bad.

[gets killed and revived over and over and over by said mad scientist, who's doing so by literally keeping her heart from beating with his hand in her chest, in his attempt to trigger the sentient fae armor he saw the first time he saw her fall below 0]

Tomo'e: Very very very bad.

[realizes in the mindscape via vision that the reason she has no memories is because when the fae priestess traded herself for Tomo'e, she also requested to take her memories as well so Tomo'e wouldn't remember her suffering in the faewilds]

Tomo'e: Well, that was nice of he--

[watches as the mindscape starts leaking blood from the sky as everything turns to grayscale while the fae taunts her because the scientist is going too far]

Tomo'e: Hey, w--

[body gives out because she's been killed too many times refusing to let the fae out, and has to be revived by scientist's suspicious, forbidden blood magic]

Tomo'e: Hey--

[now has permanent scars down her throat and across her chest because scientist man is a wizard and has no healing spells, so he be using stitches instead]

Tomo'e: H--

[gets taken to enemy base and has to watch her friend get also vivisected and Geas'd into compliance because scientist wants to watch her squirm]

Tomo'e: I--

[starts getting Dark-Urge-equivalent impulses as she watches the dissection, and realizes she hurt people just like the mad scientist in service to that fae before losing her memories, so the taking of her memories was to protect her as much as it was to protect others from her]

Tomo'e:

[realizes the other voice in her head that tries to provoke her into violence that she's been hearing that she thought was just the fae messing with her is actually who she was before she lost her memories]

Tomo'e:

[is now forced to be mad scientist's scribe and document his experiments on her own friend as the party figures out what to do]

Tomo'e:

[learns the BBEG is about to obliterate the town her parents live in next if we don’t stop him before then]

Tomo'e:

Tomo'e:

Tomo'e: I'm retiring after we save the world.

{DM, DM, please. Give my poor little elf a break. LOL]

[galadrieljones]

Okay, I get it. But here's the thing:

I think the "friendship" mention is good. Because they *were* friends. We have no real indication otherwise, as they are *unfinished.* Further, a lot of c*rylers claim Bethyl is a "sibling" or "father/daughter" relationship, and that this is proof they could never be romantic. Asserting their "friendship" dispels that narrative. We want them to have been friends. Any romance between them, should Beth return, will need to blossom anew anyway.

The timing is also suspicious, as we already know that Daryl will mention Beth's name at the end of the season (more on this ahead), and we know that Daryl and Beth had many important experiences together, and we know that Daryl will be facing his pasts this season. I would also argue that this edit isn't actually for Beth, but for Daryl, as a promotional feature for the show. It's just that they're using Beth's speech to show Daryl's insecurities and his devastation over all the people he's lost. Beth is the backdrop, but Daryl is the subject.

They also include the part of her speech where she says "I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I'm not Michonne, but I made it." As they do this, they show shots of Michonne, Carol, and Maggie, all of whom are definitively alive. The logical answer to that is, well, no, she didn't make it, actually. But it reminds us: Why would they make such a big deal out of Beth surviving the prison battle if they were just going to kill her off half a season later? They wouldn't. Her longterm survival was always intended, it was just on hold for many many years.

The truly important thing here, however, in the end, is that they're mentioning Beth and juxtaposing her with Daryl, reviewing two of the most important moments in Daryl's life: his time with Beth at the moonshine shack, where they fight, and she gives him key advice he'll never forget, and of course, Beth's death. They're doing this not to really even send any messages about bethyl. The point isn't to ship them. It's simply to remind the GA that she existed, that she was important to Daryl, that they were friends (not family) and to get them thinking about her again.

Why would they do this? Because it's been 10 years, and because Beth is going to be important in season 2 of Daryl Dixon, which starts in a month, and they want to make sure people remember everything they went through. If you look at the comments on twitter, it's mostly people talking about how they miss Daryl and Beth, how Beth's life ended too soon, how this is devastating to remember, etc. THAT'S the point. As bethylers, and especially TDers, we're well aware of all this stuff. We don't need to be reminded of how important Beth was to Daryl, so I'd say we're not even really the audience here. The GA is. Also, to some extend, the c*rylers, because we know that they would prefer to memory-hole Beth. They want to believe that Carol is the only important relationship in Daryl's life. This bombards them with a difficult truth, which is probably necessary to temper their hopes going forward.

This also comes just a couple weeks after a mysterious "leak" of one tiny portion of the script for 2.6. This teeny tiny portion of the script just so *happens* to mention Beth's name. Coincidence? Yeah right. Daryl hasn't said Beth's name since season 5. That leak was almost certainly purposeful. Just enough to defuse concerns about Daryl/Isabelle, and just enough to give us Beth's name (among others), reminding us that Beth was important to Daryl, just as important as Glenn or Merle, and also implying that Daryl will, at some point this season, talk about Beth to Isabelle. If he's saying "Say hi to Beth for me" to Isabelle-the-vision, that means that Isabelle knows who Beth is. He's told her.

So I would say this is actually huge. We can't expect them to even soft ship bethyl when the Caryl-Friendship campaign is in full swing, and it's important that they directly promote Carol's character and HER role in Daryl's life right now, because this season really does belong to her, after all. All of this other stuff is just little stuff, which is all the more reason it seems suspicious. I'm not saying they won't do this over the next few weeks, but where are the edits for Daryl and Glenn? Daryl and Merle? I haven't seen anything like that in a while.

Nobody actually knows what's coming. Nobody but us even has any sort of inkling that they might bring Beth back. So this kind of low level "Beth" campaign, like mentioning Beth in polls about which characters we'd most like to see resurrected, having Emily go to several European cons, her talking about how they should totally bring Beth back, Emily recording songs from the show and engaging her TWD fans specifically, these are all just little ways to remind the GA and also Emily's fanbase (which is not negligible) that Beth existed, and that Beth was important to Daryl, and that now, Daryl is about to come face to face with some of the most heartbreaking moments from his past.

I hope this helps!! Of course we know nothing, but I see this as a very positive thing for us.

So uh, hey TD and bethyl friends: the TWD Skybound official account just posted this edit...

?????????

[megumixtsumiki]

Hii~

I've been a lurker/liker here for some time. And I love your blog 🫶

Have you seen jjk ch 218 leak?

At the end of the chapter, Yorozu concluded that Sukuna "knows love" just by seeing him smirk(?)

(And she's not happy with this at all coz she's the one who ought to teach him Real Love lmao)

It's such a bizarre thing to have "love" attached to Sukuna's name (unless it's twisted)

What are your thoughts in this?

I'll share mine (delusion) if you don't mind ^^;

Since Sukuna was established as a calamity/disaster even as a human. It's kinda unbelievable that he had "loved" before, I assume that he learned that "love" thru other people's experience. (3rd pov or just a bystander of an affair/relationship)

Maybeee...

He saw through Megumi's memories/feeling for Tsumiki? 👀👀👀👀

While I may be reaching and just advocating for Megumiki (sibling love or romance or whatevs) but I think this is also possible

Or.. Maybe Gege will surprise us with something entirely different lmao..

I want to hear your perspective on this

Thanks for letting me blab on here

ʘ‿ʘ hahaha

Hey hey, thanks for the kind comments and for reaching out.

This is perhaps a bit late but yes, I have indeed read the latest chapters lol.

It's such a bizarre thing to have "love" attached to Sukuna's name (unless it's twisted)

What are your thoughts in this?

My thoughts under the cut!

But before...

I'll share mine (delusion) if you don't mind ^^;

Since Sukuna was established as a calamity/disaster even as a human. It's kinda unbelievable that he had "loved" before, I assume that he learned that "love" thru other people's experience. (3rd pov or just a bystander of an affair/relationship)

Maybeee...

He saw through Megumi's memories/feeling for Tsumiki? 👀👀👀👀

While I may be reaching and just advocating for Megumiki (sibling love or romance or whatevs) but I think this is also possible

I do not mind at all 🫢, by all means! Thanks for sharing (your delusion). I actually love your delusion lol.

The idea that Sukuna has seen Megumi's memories of his relationship with Tsumiki is totally canon, we just don't know what specifically Sukuna has seen.

But I love the collective megumiki headcanon that Sukuna has seen #things in Megumi's memories.

ehem.

Right. #things.

Anyways...

I actually haven't finished writing my thoughts about it because I've been busy, but there's so much going on regarding the psychology of romantic love that I want to explore regarding Sukuna and Yorozu and the idea of Sukuna being someone who can or cannot experience love.

For one, I am massively biased by this panel from x/1999...

"There is a definite crime that can't be made up... there's no one who can't love someone."

I bring it up because, thematically, x and jjk share certain similarities. One of them is the idea of characters who have no empathic connection to others, and so they have no regard for others.

Seishiro, the character in the panel above, is basically a serial killer and psychopath who is caught off guard by the fact that, contrary to what he believed to be true about himself, he realizes he can feel love. Said love, however, is very, very, VERY twisted and it manifests in this very creepy and sinister way.

I won't spoil it but basically he's a massive idiot.

So I personally much prefer the headcanon that Sukuna has felt love at some point in his life, even if it is a twisted and corrupted version of love.

I particularly love head canons of said love being so twisted that it involves hurting or killing the Beloved.

Anyways, I just wonder if Gege is trying to portray love as something that exists on a continuum where our ideals of love as a beautiful force exist on one end, and where the nastiness of toxic love exists on the opposing end.

If you're interested in the psychology of romantic love and don't mind reading me overpsychologizing the hell out of the last couple of chapters, I'll share the post to this blog when I'm done with it.

Thanks for reaching out! Hope you're enjoying JJK!

Chapter 219 was a total heartbreaker what with our girl getting fridged at last, at the hands of Megumi no less.

Like... talk about tragedy.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

If you’re talking to a friend and a negative thought about your friend pops in your head and you worry your friend could tell you had that thought and it kind of paralyzes you and it’s obvious you’re uncomfortable so then they definitely sense something’s up, is that what being judgey is?

Oooh, maybe. It definitely has the hallmarks of a "judging" error.

(A "judging" error is a mistake in executive function that lets a bad internal experience leak out and hurt someone else in a way that's hard to cover up or contain. The classic example is "I just had the thought that I'm lazy and don't want to work, and now that it's out there, my work is suffering.")

Basically your mind is protecting you from bad shit, so when you suddenly get this memory of a time when you acted badly and you're worrying about how the other person is feeling, your mind is like "we cannot be thinking about this because it is very bad and we would feel very bad, and this is the job of the part of our mind that's set to alarm us about bad things"

The problem is that this part is a lot more powerful than you are, so you can't be like "I am now officially allowing myself to think about this thing I just remembered, which is pretty bad," because it will come in and turn off that permission

But -- and I think this is an important thing that psychiatry doesn't necessarily get right -- even though that part is very powerful, it can't force you to do anything. It's just there to tell you not to go there.

What I do is to try to acknowledge that the "I am not allowed to have this thought" feeling is always going to be there, no matter what, and is not a reason to avoid a thought. So when I get the feeling, I respond by saying out loud something like "okay, I guess I can't" and then go ahead and have the thought in question

This is a habit I've been trying to form for a long time. It works.

[phantomato]

Reconciled Soul for the tag game?? (Also I'm very impressed with how you managed to avoid having a million WIPs)

I am very bad at dividing my attention and ensuring that those projects all get done, so I just don’t divide my attention. New ideas can wait their turn!

Here’s a scene from my Nottmort WIP, in which V has put his soul back together immediately before the start of the fic. I wrote like three horcrux-reconciliation fics this year and they all stop at that moment of reconciliation, so I want to take a crack at what comes after.

(Also cc’ing @yletylyf per our conversation last night)

You sleep alone.

There are others you could find. Fractured memories of Bellatrix circle through your mind but you aren’t sure whether that already happened or whether those are just her fantasies, skimmed from her mind. They mostly have you reaching orgasm. They are probably not your genuine experiences.

Dwelling on thoughts of Thoros in your bed, the nights spent exploring these sheets with him, you touch yourself. It works, and it doesn’t; you’re hard without effort, because it’s Thor, but you stroke yourself without release. It should work, picturing those times he got on his knees to suck you. Your cock won’t respond, though, and your balls don’t draw up. It feels good, but not good enough to go—until you slip, your mind wanders, and you admit that what you wanted tonight was for him to hold you open and stick his tongue up your arse.

Then you come too quickly to enjoy it. There’s a mess of spunk on your stomach. You wipe at it with your shirt, you realize too late that it was a good shirt that requires professional cleaning, and you toss the rest of your clothes on the ground in a fit.

Then you sleep.

You wake, you flip over, and you sleep again. The bed's too big with just you in it. Your legs stretch out to the other side, splayed diagonally across the space, and each time you wake you find yourself curling into a ball because Thoros should be lying opposite.

He isn’t, though, so you go back to sleep.

You wake, you note that the sun’s come up, but the birds are still out and you sleep again. Birdsong means that it’s early, and you have no use for early mornings. You aren’t Lord Voldemort anymore. You killed your own consciousness not to be. You’re Tom-formerly-Voldemort-formerly-Tom, surname Riddle, and what a wonder it is to have a surname again. 

Mornings aren’t for ancestral legacy, so you go back to sleep.

You wake. You see a glimpse of blue sky through a window, so you turn away from it. Sunlight leaking through the pale curtains has made your bed too warm; you have sweat under your armpits and it sticks the bare skin of your thighs together. Poorly-wiped come flakes off of your belly when you shift. 

It’s probably still morning, so you go back to sleep.

You wake and the room is dim, not dark, but it is sometime solidly after noon.

You would sleep, but when you open your eyes this time, a crisis of hunger takes over your body, and you fold in two, curling into a ball not from missing Thoros but from the pain of needing to eat.

God, you had forgotten what it felt like to be mortal. Is it too late to give up, you wonder? Then the hunger strikes you again, a sharp sting in your gut, and you feel both faint and nauseated at the same time, like you might vomit, which would mean you need to stand and rush to the toilet, but standing will definitely make you vomit, and therefore you are trapped, unmoving, hoping both urges eventually fade.

They do not, but you squirm your way to the edge of the bed, you look out down the hall, and you contemplate having the ability to care for yourself.

If Thoros were here, he would look after you. He wouldn’t even laugh at you, that you’d been so unprepared for living. He would get you water, and tea for when you were better, and plain toast with nothing on it until you were well enough for real food.

He loved you for years. You loved him for years. If you hadn’t already found the will to heal your soul, this regret would do it.

When your current round of nausea has passed, you drag your sorry, sad, naked self to the kitchen. There’s a tin of biscuits on the counter, and it’s the wrong choice in every way except that it takes no effort to prepare, so of course you eat those—sitting with your bare bum on a wooden chair, with a semen-flecked stomach, your bits hanging out and all. So much of your body wrinkles. Some of it is position, but some of it is age, plain and simple, like how you can feel the softness of your chest and arms. It’s not terrible, you tell yourself. People do exercise to slow these things. You could do exercise, you think, and curl the biscuit tin with your off arm just to prove that there’s still muscle definition in there, definitely.

Probably, eating biscuits for breakfast wasn’t the choice to make alongside this set of realizations.

Feeling like a bug stuck inside human skin, you scuttle to your shower, and you wash sitting down—the nausea hasn’t fully passed. Magic beyond imagination and you’re still reduced to this. You wonder if Dumbledore has ever sat in the shower and contemplated his life’s follies. You hope not. You don’t want to share anything with him.

This was supposed to make you better. Fixing your soul, accepting your death, and facing each wrong you had committed upon yourself was supposed to perfect you, genuinely this time, but you’ve got a pile of semen-stained laundry on your bedroom floor and sheets that stink and a sleep schedule you’ve already fucked and, still, you drop your wet towel on the ground in the midst of all this. What was the point of it, if making better choices did not become easy?

So you crawl back into bed. You’ve only been out of it for a few hours, most of them spent staring at your own nakedness—and, oh bother, you didn’t actually address that—or sitting under cool water in your shower. Of course you don’t find sleep again, not even as early evening gives way to the pure darkness of late night. Of course you do inadvisable things, like pour the weight of how you miss him into Thoros’ mark. Then you think to check the time, and you realize it is much too dark to read the unlit clock on your nightstand, and you fill with shame to replace all that drained emotion. 

Not that you sleep. You stew in those feelings, and your filthy bedsheets, for hours more until the room begins to lighten again and you finally, blessedly, pass out.

[multibodied]

Android specific VIRUSES

(I had a whole post about them I hope it's okay if I link some of my older posts here, I just like speculating around this topic A LOT)

Especially Trojans

The part about limbs disobeying – yes, exactly.

The scariest viruses would be the ones that

Disconnect you from control and instead grant access to some other android who hacked into you

Override your source code with your personality entirely, basically like the previous option but this way not only you're not in control, but ultimately you don't exist anymore. Actually I'm not sure what is worse -- loosing control but staying conscious or being completely erased

I mean other kinds of viruses also must be quite unpleasant, but I'm not sure if something can be worse than those two

Other than viruses there are also

Android modders like Zlatko, as he definitely wasn't the only one. Accidentally getting tricked by one of those and going through some fucked up experiments? This sure sounds like a fucking nightmare.

Memory probing. No explanation needed

On a similar note - leaked memories

Body-hijacking, when another android transfers into your body, switching your places. Not only you'll end up with horrible dysphonia in case you're different models, but it is also a perfect way for them to get out of the crime scene – all their crimes associated with their serial model are now your problem.

Or just impersonation by another android of the same model

And I think android-landfill is a nightmare in itself.

Damn, I thought I have more of those

Anyways

okay I’ve spent half the day thinking about androids joining human society in a very implausible sort of way but putting aside politics and racial tensions and all the Realistic™ stuff. I wonder what their folklore would be like. what is a horror story to an android

watching your limbs disobey you while you’re helpless? a replacement part that interferes with your programming, makes you hear voices, do irrational things?

death isn’t quite the same for androids, so would they tell ghost stories about old androids who’d been brought back years or decades after deactivation to a world utterly alien and terrifying?

[pacifymebby]

Hey!:) merry Christmas

This is probably a crappy thing to ask today but at some point during the holidays I’m always feeling stressed but 2 years ago something happened to me and I’m a bit better now but I still carry the trauma and before that happened though I had an ED but after, it got so much worse to the point where I genuinely think I would have died if I didn’t get help…. I just think even though i’m doing better now do you think it’s been ‘too long’ for me to still carry the pain? Like I genuinely sometimes have meltdowns or get so angry or sad I feel like screaming and crying into the void and just wanna lie in my room and cry all day 😪

First of all, I'm so sorry anon I wasn't ignoring you I thought I'd already replied to this!!!

All I can really do here is speak from experience and it sounds like we may have had a similar experience in terms of experiencing a serious trauma and carrying the pain with us for a very long time/ our mental health plumetting.

So I would definitely suggest looking into post traumatic stress disorder. Its something I never considered I might have until this last year, so I never tried to get help for it. You can get PTSD as a result of many different traumas, they don't even have to be classically "bad enough" experiences, if it was an emotionally distressing situation for you then you can develop ptsd from it. And then that can leak into all elements of your life the longer you leave it unaddressed. Everyone experiences it in different ways too, for example I dissociate, I have panic attacks, I get really bad flashback nightmares, I jump and flinch at every tiny noise or if someone gets to close to me. My senses are on high alert all the time and I immediately jump to the worst conclusion if I hear a noise or sense tension. It also triggered my eating disorder to get worse and triggered suicidal thoughts too.

Other people can experience depression, suicidal thoughts, meltdowns - outbursts of anger/crying/panic. They might feel shut off and disconnected, they might have flashbacks/experience constant intrusive thoughts/ bad memories they then worry about and try to block out. They might also experience sleep problems and trouble concentrating/organising thoughts.

They might also not be able to remember the event.

So yeah, you could be experiencing ptsd from your trauma and even if you don't feel comfortable getting professional help you can find breathing exercises and coping mechanisms on YouTube and the Internet in general. There are some that are really helpful, I find deep belly breathing really good for relaxing my muscles.

Then back to your question, I don't think there's "too long" to carry your pain, you're not bad for holding onto that pain. I think when we go through something traumatic we do carry it with us and hold onto it. I think you shouldn't have to live your life the way you've described though, you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life in pain, feeling like you can't cope.

It's difficult to let go of pain like that, it doesn't feel like you can just move on from something. Something hurt you really bad and you can't just act like nothing happened to you and move on.

The thing that's helped me most has been talking about the thing I went through with B. If you have someone who loves and cares for you, that will meet you with reassurance and gentleness then talk to them about it. Go over the incident, talk about your feelings, talk about how it still hurts. Let them comfort you and help you.

If you don't have someone to talk to, you should try writing it down, writing how you felt then, how you feel now, how you want to feel in the future. Thats helped me too. And whenever something triggers me to get angry or upset then I write it down again, what happened to trigger me and how I feel and how I want to feel.

But the main thing with trauma like ours is acceptance.

You have to acknowledge that this thing hurt you, you have to acknowledge the impact it had on your life and let yourself grieve. Grieve the person you were and the time and experiences you have lost because of how your trauma effected you. And remember that it wasn't just the single incident that has hurt you, the eating disorder it made worse and how ill you were is part of that trauma too. All the things you feel u lost out on. Its all part of the trauma. It's complicated, not just that initial event.

Once you accept the fact it happened, the way it impacted your life, and you accept that you're here today, as you are now, you can start to heal better.

And let yourself feel the pain, when you want to cry go ahead and cry, if you're angry find a way to chanel that anger and get it out of your system. You have to let these emotions out or they'll double.

And you can always talk to me, on anon or in the dms whatever you feel comfortable, I'll be here for you. Youre very much loved and you deserve to heal and feel peace! ❤️❤️❤️

[spencers-dria]

Entranced by Her Touch

Someone To Stay Ch. 16

Spencer x fem reader

Spencer POV:

"What is all this?" She turns to me, a twinkle of excitement in her eyes.

"Well I know how much music means to you, and I've never had the pleasure of hearing you play."

I see the color drain quickly from her face. "Spencer I...I can't! It's been years! It wound sound..."

"Beautiful. I know anything you play would be beautiful. You'd be surprised how long muscle memory sticks around. You know, muscle memory allows us to do things like swimming or riding a bike without stopping to think or analyze each movement. The longer you played the more likely it will have stuck with you."

"Eight years" she whispers, running her fingers across the top of the keys, lightly enough to not make a sound.

"Eight years that's...wow umm...yeah I think it would be a fair assumption that you probably remember more than you realize, especially pieces you played the most, or that meant the most to you."

I realize the position I have put her in. I don't know why I didn't consider the possibility that she may be too shy to play in front of me. I guess I was just so used to seeing her be completely herself around me.

"Y-you know you r-really don't have to. I'm sorry if I made you feel pressured. If you want we can just..." I feel my confidence fade as I pull at my fingers. I keep my eyes glued to the floor, afraid to face the reality of rejection if I dare to look up. That's before I feel a soft touch on my arm. I look up to see her soft smile and the twinkle that has returned to her eyes. That's all it takes to break down any insecurities building up like walls within me.

"Spencer, I would love to." She gives my arm a reassuring squeeze. "Just give me a minute to do some boring. cheesy scales and stuff. It's been so long. I don't think I can jump in without some kind of warm up."

I turn on my heels and begin to walk off the stage, headed to my seat. I glance over my shoulder to see her propping up the lid and sitting to adjust her dress on the bench. She makes sure to get acquainted with the pedals in her heels. I smile at how happy she looks, how comfortable to be at a piano once again. It doesn't take a profiler to see how much it meant to her. I know I've made the right choice for tonight.

I settle in a seat as she finishes warming up. I can tell she's nervous as she lets out a few deep breaths, vigorously shaking her hands to try to rid them of any tremors that threaten to intrude on her performance. She takes in one last deep breath as she glances over towards me. I give her a smile and thumbs up. She laughs in response, seemingly less nervous. I'm glad I could help her in some capacity, if even for a moment.

https://youtu.be/x5ibvz38jOs

As she places her hands down, she begins to play a soft, lullaby like melody. I see the tension begin to fade away as the song picks up and she gains more confidence. It took me a moment to recognize the song, only because I had been so focused on her. It's a beautiful theme from the Deathly Hallows. How perfectly fitting, seeing as our movie nights brought us so close together.

After a minute or so, her demeanor changes along with the music. It's deeper, darker. Her face becomes more serious as I watch her pour all of herself into the music. I start to feel something, assuming it comes from the bass-like boom of the grand piano as it stretches to fill every crevice of the elaborate theater. My breath hitches in my throat and my eyes start to water. I rub at them, confused by my reaction. I'm sure there's all kinds of dust that's been stirred up.

I continue to watch her, completely mesmerized the way such dainty hands can play with such strength, such emotion. A memory quickly flashes through my mind.

"Music is so much more than just notes, Spencer. It can make you feels things you've never felt, understand your own emotions, or express them."

I had simply taken the comment as something that described her, and how she felt. For the first time I really feel the music resonate with me on an emotional level. I feel wonder and sorrow and enchantment all at once. Is this what she experiences on a regular basis? Is this why she's always listening to music, or talking about it? It's incredible to see the passion she has overflowing so effortlessly into the music.

I had planned this part of the date in an attempt to see her happy, but also to try to understand her in a new way. I never expected to learn or feel this much. She's so much more complex than I could ever fully understand, but I want to try to learn as much about her as I can.

The song quickly changes to another melody I recognize from the movies. I can practically hear the emotion in ever chord. How does she do that?

Before I know it, I'm standing on the stage behind her, unsure of how I got there. She doesn't seem to notice. She is pouring every ounce of herself into the keys.

I take a few steps closer just to be able to observe her hands. As the song slows, I notice her eyes are closed. She's not even looking at the keys anymore as she continues to the end.

She takes a deep breath in and opens her eyes. She looks out to meet my eyes but is met with a seemingly empty room. Anxiety and fear that I have left fill her eyes before I step closer, sliding onto the bench.

"Oh! You scared me for a second" she laughs. "Well, there ya go. I don't know it as well as I used to and there were definitely plenty of mistakes." Her confidence from only a minute ago starts to leak out with every self-criticism.

"Y/N stop." I reach up to turn her face toward me so that she has to look me in the eyes. I want her to see the truth and sincerity in them.

"That was...beautiful." I run my thumb over her cheek, enjoying the softness of her skin, the way she leans into my touch. "You're beautiful." I feel butterflies erupt into a flutter in my stomach at my sudden confession.

Her eyes dart down for only a moment before I see her nerves return. I decide to take a leap of faith as I slide my hand to the back of her neck, locking my fingers in her soft waves. I wait for just a moment, to read her response.

She leans in, resting her forehead against mine, not breaking eye contact. She looks into my eyes like they have the answers to the universe. She leans in just a bit more, nuzzling her nose against mine as her eyes flutter shut. She lets out a breathy giggle and I can't help but smile, laughing with her. There is something unbelievably beautiful about this moment, the racing of our hearts, the shared breath, the softness of her touch. I want to do more than just commit it to memory, like anything else in my life. I want to savor it, the sound of her laugh, the smell of her perfume, the feeling she gives me.

Unable to hold back any longer, I pull her in, kissing her gently, careful not to push her any further than she's comfortable with. She seems to have ideas of her own, placing her hands on the back of my head to pull my much deeper into the kiss. I lose all track of time and my surroundings, completely entranced by her touch.

She finally pulls back, looking at me as though I'm her favorite person in the world. "I hope this isn't a bad time to tell you... I'm crazy about you" she finally says, holding back a smirk.

I burst out in laughter. "Goofball" I jest, pulling her in for another quick kiss. "I almost forgot, I uhh...well I have something I learned for tonight."

"Spencer Reid, you learned a piece just for me?" she stands up to give me space to play.

"You don't have to go, if you don't want to." I try to hide the completely pathetic look I know is on my face. But I didn't want her to leave my side. Being with her is the comfort I need to get through this without my extra nerves.

She can see the neediness in my eyes. Based on the smile on her face as she sits back down, wrapping her arm around my waist, and I don't think she minds.

As my hands start to play the notes I had spent a few weeks learning, I look over to see her eyes light up at the sound of Where Is My Mind. I can't help but smile, proud of my success in bringing her joy.

The song is simple, not nearly as complex as what she had just performed for me, but that wasn't the point. Based on the look on her face, I can tell she remembers and that it means something to her too.

When I finally finish, I look over to see her wiping her eyes. "You remembered" she says quietly through a few sniffles.

"Of course I remembered." I turn my body on the bench to face her properly.

"Y/N, I asked you here tonight because I think it's time I showed you just how much you mean to me. This isn't new. This isn't sudden. I'm nothing if not extremely analytical and thorough."

She lets out a small laugh through tears now trickling down her face. I would be worried if it wasn't for the pure smile of joy she is unable to hold back.

"So believe me when I say I have thought about this for a long time. Pretty much since that very day." I know I don't have to elaborate; she already knows exactly when I am talking about.

"Y/N I love spending time with you and getting to know more about you each day, but I would be kidding myself if I pretended that I only wanted friendship with you any longer. I hope I'm not being too forward, and I apologize for setting this all up and asking you without any warning. I know I probably put you on the spot to join me on this date but..."

My spiral into self-doubt is cut short by the feeling of her lips on mine. I feel myself melting into her once again, worried I may never want to come back for air.

She eventually pulls back opening her mouth to respond to what I feel was quite an embarrassing display of my emotions.

"Spencer, I have been trying to figure out my feelings for you for so long. I had just been working up the courage to say something to you, but it seems you had plans of your own. This is more than I could ever..."

Tears fill her eyes once more, spilling over as she starts to turn her head away.

I scoot in to wrap her in my embrace. "Hey, hey its ok, shhhh." I rub my hand across her back, hoping to sooth her. After a few deep breaths she finds her words once again.

"This is more than I could ever ask for, ever dream of. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. No man has ever...cared this much about something I love. In so many past relationships I felt as though they were merely tolerating my quirks, including all the things I am so overtly passionate about. Tolerating me until they just...left. All I've ever wanted was someone to appreciate how passionate I can be and won't let it scare them away. Someone to stay."

I feel my heartache knowing that she has felt this way for so long. I lift her chin as I lean in to give her one gentle kiss before pulling away to whisper, "I'm not going anywhere."

A/N: I hope everyone is still enjoying the story! Let me know your thoughts in the comments 😁💖

Also sorry for how gushy this is but it won't always be that way so enjoy it while it lasts 🙊