#i'm crying. i LOVE THEM VERY MUCH
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MORE. FOR U
Ok ok ok we all collectively will not shut up about how Percy is endeared by Vex's ears, right? well UNO REVERSE CARD! His lil round human ears are so fucking cute to Vex. It's also very funny for her to parse out how sensitive they are vs half-elven or elven ears.
In modern AUs their taste in music seems very different at a glance but meshes SUPER well. Percy is rocking to MCR and anime intros and Fallout Boy and old rock'n'roll (that his dad and Julius loved), Vex is grinding to pop and country, and everyone is like 'surely not' until they pull up to give Pike a ride and are just blasting a Taylor Swift song together (she joins in obviously). Or on a train sharing earbuds and the poor folks the next seats over can hear Monster by Skillet from there and these two are mouthing along and sharing Dramatic Looks.
Trinket keeps bringing cubs home. He's a male bear, bears don't raise cubs in pairs (males don't participate at ALL), but he's a Ranger companion and lives as long as Vex does. And given he's a fit specimen he's probably the sire of a lot of cubs in the area (Vex and the Grey Hunt have got to watch out for inbreeding effects KJTRNHRKN). So every now and then he'll find a hurt or abandoned or sick cub and bring it back, and Vex nurses it back to health (and Dan too), and suddenly they Have Another Bear. Oh Dear. Sometimes Vex and Trinket make a conscious effort to train the cubs to live in the wild and release them a ways away once they're old enough, but the three bears we see in C3 is Only The Beginning.
The first time Percy tried really growing a beard, Vesper made Unhappy Faces when he'd give her kisses and in a fit he shaved it all off. He needed some talking-tos about it. His baby girl was SO upset and it make HIM upset OKAY -
It's advised that guests do not wander the halls of Castle Whitestone alone at night. They assume, naturally, that this is due to Ghosts or Restless Spirits - no the de Rolos are just. like that. Cass would rather everyone avoid the trauma of hearing them having a good time. Also the kids' darkvision means they have shining pupils if light hits them in the dark and someone fell down the stairs once so there's that too.
Percy fucking agonizes over blue now. Getting a gift to match Vex's feather takes up at least 3-12 hours of a given project. At this point he has custom paints mixed for it and will scour stalls and shops for gems of the right turquoise.
He also owns way more fur than he'd expect, because Vex is a ranger and can at least make a decent muffler or trim for mittens or ruff for his winter coat out of some of her more impressive catches. His favorite, though, is a tiny fur thing that's badly worn. Vex insists it's a bird. *it does not look like a bird,* it looks like a pointed rock with two bead eyes. It was the first thing she tried making him and it, well, it didn't come out as she'd expected. He still stims with it often, it practically lives in his pocket - like she was in Pandemonium, when VM were transformed into birds. She says she hates it, but his earnest adoration for this little silly thing she made really makes Vex so damn happy.
OH MY GOD SHE WOULD LOVE HIS EARS,,, HIS LIL ROUNDED EARS,,, SO SOFT N ROUND,,,,,,,, OMG
YOUR MUSIC TASTES FOR THEM ARE SO IN LINE WITH WHAT'S IN MY HEAD NGKJRNGK. vex imo has the most chaotic playlists because there's just one for all of her music. it switches from lizzo to mumford & sons without rhyme nor reason. and they WOULD be taylor swift stans with pike i LOVE THIS. AND GOD,, THE MENTAL IMAGE OF HER AND PERCY DRAMATICALLY LIP-SYNCING LIKE HUGE NERDS..... MY CROPS ARE WATERED. MY SKIN IS CLEAR
THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING NGKJRNKJGNR i simply think vex deserves an entire legion of bears who love her, and many of them on the castle grounds. only the best for the grand mistress of bears. (trinket mimicking vex's adopting behavior is SO CUTE I'M GONNA CRY)
percy upsets his baby One Time and suddenly he must change everything about himself. i love him so much i cannot stand it
NKGJNKJENG the de rolos fuck nasty and it is a burden upon those who think themselves to be fearless... my heart goes out to the unlucky few who dare. ALSO THE FUCKING. QUARTER ELVES. JUST LIKE A BUNCH OF CATS IN THE KITCHEN AT 2AM WHEN YOU WANT A SNACK. IS PERFECTION.
GERKGNERJN percy will do anything to maintain his wife's aesthetic
VEX CRAFTING HIM THINGS...... PERCY KEEPING HER FIRST LIL BAUBLE BECAUSE HE LOVES HER................ STIMMING WITH IT CAUSE IT'S SOFT................................ picturing vex finding out and endeavoring to acquire so many soft things, making him a bunch more knick-knacks once she's better at it, wearing soft clothes, just, oh my GOD she loves him SO MUCH
thank you again for this absolute unfathomable joy, i squeaked out loud at least 3 times, i am full of serotonin once more
#THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT AS BURR WOULD SAY#oh my god you make me want to write so many little things for them#i'm crying. i LOVE THEM VERY MUCH#vex’ahlia#percival de rolo#perc’ahlia#fave#critical role#vox machina#blorbologist
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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FINALLY
H: Peter pan, don't go to sleep🌄
#fanart#hobie brown#miles morales#punkflower#they are very much in love#and I of them#i'm crying#my art#I tried to make a nice background#but it was ambitious
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bored
#milgram#milgram fanart#mikoto kayano#shidou kirisaki#kazui mukuhara#yuno kashiki#why did they give mikoto a skateboard tho#kazui look slike kafka from kaiju no 8#in a way. i think#maybe that's why i don't actually mind his fit as much#i'm glad they didn't make kazui super skinny#i like it when he actually got some meat on his bones#i wish it was a little more tho#i always cry when i remember kazui is skinnier than i thought he was... his t1 sprite is so deceiving#i love yuno's and amane's a lot#shidou makes me sad tho there's nothing interesting about it sigh#ig the jacket is kinda cool cuz it's a coat instead of a cape or whatever and the collar is nice#but c'mon they even reused his first aid kit#at the very least i'm glad we got some milgram content tho#anything to quench my thirst#poking straws in their heads and sipping on them like caprisuns#nyways shidou using kazui's weird screen thing to watch cat vids because he is a lsoer and they're both losers#i'm so tired GYOD#uhmrgmrmmrm yeah idk what else to say lol#have a wonderful day or night if you're reading this#chibi's art/rkgk
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"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"
I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.
Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.
I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.
And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.
Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.
Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.
Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.
And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.
And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?
Absolutely no one.
Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.
And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.
I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.
Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.
Because he saw her when she was invisible.
Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?
Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.
He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.
And he does.
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#sorry y'all i just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out like they invented love what am i meant to do witH THAT INFORMATION!?#they just care about each other so much and so deeply#and they see the best in each other#penelope was hurt but she never HATED him#penelope was hurt and when she said 'i never thought you of all people could be so cruel' she also knew. . .he isn't#he isn't cruel#he's a young man trying his best in the world and he wanted to fit in and that made him say something hurtful about her#but he has a history of uplifting her#and he continues to do so#not one bad word about penelope all this season#'you are penelope featherington. . .never forget that' (you deserve the world) (you are amazing)#colin bridgerton said 'i love you' over and over this season and in the seasons before but we didn't hear it because we thought#it was only professed in one language#'you really are very good you know that?' 'you only wanted to keep me from heartache' 'what could possibly measure up to all that?'#'that you would never forsake me' 'you are pen. . .you are my friend. . .you do not count' (i could never give you up)#'i will always look after you penelope'#they are friends to lovers but there is love in that friendship#a deep beautiful love they have with each other#and sorry i'm ugly crying but i just adore them
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90 fuckin' Years
HHHHHH I went straight to taking screenshots for this the day Kerry's birthday was confrimed on the 7th XD But cause life is chaotic and I have too many projects all at once it took me a while to finish it. But here we are now!! ;__; And I'm so happy with how it turned out and uuugghhh my feels I cry looking at some of these frames.
So like, the thing is, Kerry is obviously super happy with Vince, despite all the hardships and battles and whatnot. But also, he's still battling with depression, even the most harmonic, loving relationship and love can't fix that (even if it makes things easier sometimes). And the way I interpret Kerry from how he's depicted in game, I imagine especially around anniversaries of any sorts he probably always gets a bit more gloomy.
But the same way Vince is physically recovering here, Kerry is beginning to as well I'd like to imagine! pushing away the bad thoughts and being like "yeah, you know what, it's been a turbulent but a good life and I'm glad I'm still around to have this now". And they're both healing together and yeah ;___;
Making his eyes brown was a spontaneous decision, they're just Photoshopped real quick. But with his whole theme of embracing himself more again (and I also don't think the blue eyes were necessarily his first choice, but probably more a nice brand deal the label pushed on him and he was just like "whatever" in his depressed state of mind) I think he would eventually go back to his natural eye color.
Vince's scars are also photoshopped, although I hope one day when I have him as NPV I can make him a 2078 appearance that has them properly on the model uwu I really like how they turned out though, especially the one at the base of his skull!
But yeh ;__; happy belated birthday old man (who would only be 36 now, and just 5 years older than me shhh). To many more bad decisions that lead to good things in the long run!
#cyberpunk 2077#Cyberpunk2077#cp2077#cyberpunk vp#cp2077 vp#cyberpunk v#male v cyberpunk#kerry eurodyne#vincent ezaki#kerry eurodyne x v#otp: to bad decisions#my vp#screaming crying lying down on the floor#I love them so much ;___;#and I'm very normal about everything
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one thing I have to keep reremembering every time I'm playing a soulslike/similar kind of difficult game -- and that I wish I could internalize elsewhere in my life as well -- is that you always, always have to suffer through the long dark of an inexplicable failcringe era before you can emerge into a fresh new dawn of competence. faceplanting into humiliating failure in ways you hadn't even conceived of before on a loop can sometimes be the herald of great and wondrous things to come soon. don't be so quick to abandon yourself in the early murk of daybreak because you think you just suck!!!
#returnal out here reminding me of the great truths yet again#I am crying and screaming my way through the fractured wastes. I may have relinquished all dignity. but I am making progress#returnal#tbf I do find the grind weirdly comforting. this game is Doing something with the strange paradoxical comfort of misery#and it's doing it very well. fills the same 'knocking your head against a wall for the pleasure of it' depression niche#as farming for souls in formsoft games haha. we must imagine the bearer of the curse happy#it's the same thing I'm doing in real life but at least in games you get to see tangible progress within ten hours. not so in life I fear#the only part of the game I haven't loved so far is the nemesis boss fight but that kind of checks out considering what sorts of bosses#I normally struggle with. I love a dance partner boss I hate a 'so much is going on all the time all over the place what the fuck' boss#I could fight malenia for hours but when you fill my screen with noise I am frustrated and defeated lol#fight me man on man you COWARD!!!#thank god the game doesn't force you to replay bosses after you beat them the first time (though the others were kind of fun so)
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I can't fix Kim but i what i can do is sit him down on his couch, wrap him in a blanket and make him watch an animated movie intended for kids, like Elysium's Winnie the Pooh or something, and let him experience something soft and sweet for once in his life. I feel like if he wasn't so repressed he would be the kind of person to get a teeny tiny bit teary-eyed when something sad happens to the characters, you know?? Like i feel he could the kind of person that cries a bit when a dog dies in a movie and i want to help him get there because his repressed ass won't be doing any of that on his own. He needs character development first
#note: this is different from harry because he would cry A LOT when a dog dies in a movie#his ass would not be able to watch A Dog's Purpose#he might even relate to the dog or something idk he's a freak like that (said with love)#anyway#both of them get very sad watching The Brave Little Toaster#i know what i'm saying i can feel it in my bones#kim🤝harry [too much empathy for objects]#i'm posting this because i'm a freak and a weirdo and i want to make kim feel emotions™#i'm trowing kim into the emotional ballpit and locking him in there until he comes out normal or at least more chill or something idk#emotions and feelings upon you#kim kitsuragi#disco elysium#lifeless-discothoughts
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𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.
First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.
Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion. Mystra, knowing that, used him to filth.
Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.
Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.
Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?
Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.
Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.
Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.
Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.
Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.
Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.
Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.
After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.
Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.
At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.
Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.
As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.
And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.
Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.
Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.
Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.
And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.
Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)
Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.
He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?
Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.
The answer is: entirely.
For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.
Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)
Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.
They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.
Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.
Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.
He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)
Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.
Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.
Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.
Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.
#HEADCANON.#Oh... anyway. This. Was. A lot.#And it was a lot for me mentally and emotionally to write.#So much of this hit home.#Gale isn't perfect. He can be petty and immature—a byproduct of not being all too good at venting his frustrations when#it gets to a point. He has very bad self esteem. He is not forgiving of himself and is too forgiving of Mystra.#He endured FOR DECADES the cold indifference of a goddess he called his lover.#I know people dog on him because he's a grown man with these hurts and traumas and responses#but just because his trauma manifested in ways you don't find palatable or hot or sexy#doesn't mean they aren't scars left by trauma buddy!!!#And quite frankly that bit about God Gale sounding vindictive and angry#yeah! SOMETIMES people who have so cold and uncaring and belittling a partner#end up angry. You shoved someone into a corner and hounded them for SO LONG. Don't start crying when they rear back on you and bite#I have a deep connection with godhood Gale. But obviously a healed Gale that finds love and acceptance in himself is so much healthier.#I'm rooting for you Gale (always).#So much of this was typed up with a lot of first hand experience so... to say this was a Gale exploration#as much as a way to navigate my own trauma is an apt one.#No two tales of abuse are alike of course. Gale's experience isn't my experience. But I can sympathize a great deal.#TL;DR: This meta post means a lot to me. K. Thanks.
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heyyyy~ poses on the floor sexly.
Do you ever think about how Roach didn't immediately die from his wounds back in the original mw.
Do you ever sit down and think about Roach, laying down on the floor bleeding out, helpless, having to watch his soulmate (his other half, the love of his life (so much more than romantic love, so much farter from platonic love, so much them), his Ghost) die instantly by the gun shot wound.
Do you stare at the wall and imagine Roach still having time to feel agony and grief, even while in pain, even if short, even as he bleeds out himself, even as he gets drenched in gasoline and consumed by fire.
Maybe he had time to caress Ghost's unmovable cheek one more time. Maybe he took his glasses and closed his eyes for his own peace of mind and for the deep respect he felt for the man. Maybe he cried his final tears not because of his own pain or for his own death but because Ghost went first.
He left first.
Because I sit down sometimes and I think about how Roach didn't die right away. And it seemed like the universe looked at him and laughed because Ghost died instantly. Like a cruel joke.
A final fuck you to him.
Roach didn't die immediately. He could've maybe tried to get away, maybe get a knife and kill Shepperd. Get revenge. Proceed with the mission. Use Ghost's radio and warn the others- But no, he stayed, watched tiredly, that sick fuck turn away after taking everything from him, watched Ghost's lifeless body singe, watched as the flames consumed his own flesh and tried to burn him before he succumbed to his own wounds.
Him and Ghost became, together, the ashes that later fed the land and grew the greanest grass.
Price and Soap probably didn't even have enough of them bodies to put on a casket.
They, together, will be on that field forever.
#Alex said i couldn't hurt him so I'm hurting tumblr#:D#they make me cry#ALSO IS ANYTHING IS INCORRECT RELATING THE OG MW GAME I DON'T CARE I'M ONLY HERE TO MAKE THINGS GAY SAD AND DEPRESSING#Roach is very aro to me <3 so the love he has for Ghost is also very aro and Ghost loves him very much#cod#call of duty#cod mw2#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty roach#call of duty ghost#gary roach sanderson#simon ghost riley#ghost & roach#roach & ghost#ghostroach#but also technically#ghost/roach#i don't like using the shipping tag with them#cus I think it undermines a little the complexity I imagine their relationship has? but oh well :shrugs:#manyrambles#manysfic#too many thoughts#it's uh checks notes cry on the floor friday (it's technically saturday i don't care)#LISTEN THEY'RE HAPPY IN THE REBOOT OK THEY'RE HAPPY THEY HAVE AN APPARTMENT TOGETHER A CAT AND A LOUD SCOT IN THEIR LIFES WHO THEY LOVE-
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kpanniversary2024, prompt 4: Tension
"It's not your choice, Macau." The noise Macau makes with his mouth rings like a gunshot in Vegas' ears. His eyes widen as he stares at his brother's flustered face. His nostrils flare. Macau is wearing his anger like an armor made of rusty metal on his skin. He thinks it protects him, keeps him safe, when all it does is reveal all his weak spots to the enemy. Presumed enemy, in this case. Pete is not - could not - be an enemy of his in the first place. Not even when he was the main family's guard dog. He was a fool. In a way, he still is. Vegas is afraid to look at him. He does it, regardless. Saliva is trickling down Pete's forehead, down the path formed by the creases of his furrowed eyebrows, down the curve of his nose, almost but not quite missing his pursed lips. He is standing by the kitchen table completely still, statue-like. His eyes are closed. His body is tense. He looks like he's about to start crying, or screaming, or both. He does neither. He just opens his eyes, slowly, and stares at Macau with an unreadable expression; another kind of armor, equally rusty and ineffective. He doesn't wipe the spit off his face. "Who do you think you are to say that to me?" Macau yells, unperturbed by what he did. Vegas's breath hitches. He has to intervene, somehow. Say something to stop this madness from continuing, salvage any of the last, remaining pieces of his broken family. He has to- "You're not my brother, so stop acting like it!" "Macau!" He's too late. Pete's face crumbles. He lowers his head to hide it, but Vegas can still see it, can still see Pete's bottom lip quivering, his shoulders shaking. He wants to hit himself. It wouldn't solve anything, fuck, it'd make everything worse, but he can't help seeking the familiar sting a slap would provide. A punch, even more so. He gets pulled out of his thoughts by Pete whispering something he doesn't catch. It's an easy guess to make. For a moment, Vegas thinks the bullets that had pierced his torso all those months ago had hurt less. Macau says nothing and runs away to his room.
#ugh... hello#so I know the fandom loves thinking of the minor family boys as them being good to each other#especially Macau to his bros whom he loves very very VERY much#and that's all beautiful and I love that too#but what if... they weren't?#what if there were some... complications? due to their situation post canon?#I thought of exploring that a little bit so here's a little snippet for it#it'll turn into an actual fic one day because I'm obsessed with this idea#hopefully this year lmao#also this snippet is so first draft-y that I want to cry but I couldn't resist#so take it#kpanniversary2024#vegaspete#macau theerapanyakul#snippet
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I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.
#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats#that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know#i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around?#like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist.#i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me.#but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles#i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face#sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat#or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre.#i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally#it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely#and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year.#so i think i'm justified in being a little upset!#i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge!#the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in#somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community.#anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year#because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision#to do everything i can to love the people here.#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!#i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned!#i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers!#i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in#i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too#of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in#and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community#it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it!#i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood#and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now
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Imo Hollow does have some built up resentment obviously but it so so so deeply repressed for a wide variety of reasons including the big reason that is: every single emotion is deeply repressed as a result of you know.. being the hollow knight.
And also! acknowledging in any way that it deserves to or should be angry because of everything it's been put through would be an absolutely devastating realization.
Realizing that it sacrificed everything, literally everything and suffered all for the king, their father.
Being angry or hateful towards him would be so difficult. Hollow gave everything for him,
And wants to believe that even if he didn't get what he wanted, and the kingdom fell, and the plan failed, at the very least the reason for all of that suffering was good.
That it meant something.
That it was for a good cause at least.
Oh and also also! The Radiance being trapped within it's mind and consistently making it suffer (physically and/or mentally) while also being the greatest PK hater of all time and surely not hiding that from her captor, most likely making Hollow very aware of it, and attempting to turn it against him too, the entire time, I imagine would actually cause Hollow to become even more loyal to the king.
(I acknowledge that PK is deeply flawed, and greatly deserving of any and all resentment/anger Hollow might direct at him. And Hollow should be a little more angry actually or at the very least be willing to acknowledge how badly they were treated. STILL I do not believe Hollow would so easily think this way and would intentionally repress such thoughts or feelings.)
#What I'm saying is Hollow refuses to be angry at PK out of stubbornness and to spite the being that caused them so much suffering (Radiance)#And out of desperation to believe everything that was sacrificed was for good cause#For fear of dealing with the consequences of believing otherwise#And also yes out of genuine love#(this a very traumatized bug. Probably the most traumatized bug there ever was and I do not believe Hollow would deal with these#Sorts of things in any particularly healthy way X'D)#Anyone who's ready my fic knows this is my interpretation But wanted to get it out there#Hollow and PK and their relationship is so interesting to me#Literally my favorite relationship in the whole game it's so tragic#Doomed by the narrative family relationships my beloved#hollow knight#hk thk#hk pv#hk the pure vessel#the pale king#hk headcanons#It's cut dialogue but the way Hollow says “...father?...” There is no anger implied there#It seems more hesitant yet hopeful than anything#Aaaaaa I'm actually gonna cry now I shouldn't think about that line
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The UCS Lego Razor Crest figure of Din made a fine addition to my collection...
#din djarin#lego#the mandalorian#i hope one day they gain sentience and end me#also yes two of them are *ahem* very legitimate#but their weapons are so much better? sickening#also putting them all together makes me realise how much the printing on his helmet was sO hit and miss#i think they've fixed it now because the two most recent ones i've had have been GOOD but still 😭 it's a struggle#and festive din and grogu with their scarves!!! crying#i'm so happy i have a legit hair piece now though because the other ones... oof shshsj#one is from the diner modular and another one is from the mini figure builder i did at a lego store#neither one was right unTIL THIS ONE CRYING#i could really talk about lego all day im so cool#anyway i love him tiny lego king 🥹
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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"
#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol#anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n#like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills#n my support network now#idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night#n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions#because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore#it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore#sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide#and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed#but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself#n give myself time#n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too#growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time#it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine#despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself
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how would dabi react if his s/o asks to dye his hair for him and offer to wash and brush it too? :3
(love all of these headcanons so far btw 💕)
- 🥛
dabi x fem!reader
the first time you offer him to do that he’s reluctant about it, because dabi has never let anyone that close to him ever since what happened at sekoto peak. he was about to tell you he wasn’t really sure about it, but the moment dabi saw you looking at him pouting and with big puppy eyes his resolve started to waver; he adverts his eyes flustered trying to not make you realize how weak he actually is against that look you were giving him “fine... so stop looking at me like that...” and when your eyes light up as an excited smile forms on your lips, dabi realizes that it was worth accepting your offer if he got to see you that happy.
after that time he would always ask you to go through the “dye his hair -> wash them -> dry them -> brush them” cicle because aside from the fact that it has become an habit, your touch relaxes him a lot and he likes these little moments the two of you share together. bonus! you look like having lots of fun and that’s enough for him.
#kelin responds#answered#🥛 anon#bnha fluff#mha fluff#dabi fluff#touya todoroki fluff#bnha x reader#mha x reader#dabi x reader#touya todoroki x reader#bnha x reader fluff#mha x reader fluff#dabi x reader fluff#touya todoroki x reader fluff#🥛 you know how much i love domesticity with dabi please... why doing this to me??? to make me cry????#also i'm super happy you're loving these headcanons!!!! i'm loving writing them for you guys 💕#you all come up with very interesting wholesome and sexy asks!!!! i'm having so much fun 🤧💜#how would—? (s1)
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