#i'm being this cynical to protect my heart lol

[mymarifae]

really dreading mizu5 tbh. yes the writing around mizuki has generally been really well done and it feels thoughtful and intentional, but it'd be a very easy and very instantaneous thing. to just throw four years worth of build-up in the fucking garbage. or maybe nothing of substance will get confirmed at all because they decided they like making money. maybe it'll just be bad and this is all a waste of time and no one's going to be happy. maybe i should obtain a grenade launcher and play with it

[fallenhunnyapple]

@ilikelookingatthings left a very long and question filled essay about Angel!Lu AU in the replies so now its time to delve into More Info about the AU! @fallenguitarhero is my Adam so I got his input for all the Adam-related parts of this. Under a cut because.... this is Very Long LOL (bonus art at the end)

I'm going to just Copy-Paste the answers I got when we discussed it

I do think that Adam actually subconsciously shifts blame to Lilith because he's very black and white in his views. He hates devil Luci but he thinks he can prevent angel Lu from going down that path if he just keeps them apart. Lute also believes this and ngl her view of Lilith is like...really awful internalized misogyny type shit. Both of them think its better the two never meet and Lute outright threatens Lilith to stay away. Adam is too possessive to try and shift Lu to someone else but he does like... try to push Lu back into friendship type feels. Adam is a dumbass about sexuality so he thinks if he brings Lu to do Masculine and Straight things it will fix this. Instead he ends up just spending even more time with him and making it worse. As for his trauma... yeah Adam tries to hide it. Mostly by changing the subject and acting like an asshole tbh. I've thought abt Lu finding out about Cain and Abel p much by mistake (maybe saw artwork of it, all the hell related stuff is hidden but they wouldnt think to hide art of Adam holding Abel's body or Cain's exile) and it breaking his little baby heart. Adam def has moments where like... his mind is busy w something else like a bad day or a nightmare and for a second he sees the devil instead of his angel. Adam always like... 'shit, sorry, i thought you were someone else- fuck, don't look at me like that, c'mon.' There are other issues he just... doesn't realize he needs to hide. They're right about Adam being cynical and like... telling himself Lu doesn't really love him. Even once they date, he's still insecure. At that point i think he'd tell Lu about Lilith leaving him for a friend of his (whose name he never gives) and his marriage with Eve ending badly. He avoids details. He prob talks way more about his kids and prob even introduces Lu to them... Lu being around might encourage him to work on his relationship with them. Adam's body dysmorphia is such a contrast from the Adam Lu knew before... i do think that with him hiding so much from Lu, he tries to make it up to him by making sure his life is perfect. He goes out of his way to keep his angel happy and his attitude spreads to his exorcists who accept Lu into their flock. tbh Adam's dynamic with them prob becomes way healthier over time due to Lu's influence. i think Adam does tell the truth about some things but leaves out the details. Like he says evil found earth and destroyed Eden but says it hurts too much to talk about it (not a lie) and tells Lu that it's why the exorcists exist, they protect heaven and the dead humans from it. Which is what the official story is anyway! i think Lu prob has the same info the average low ranking Heavenborne and winners do. If Lu pushed him too much Adam might admit there are things he can't tell him but frame it as a military thing - there are things only Michael, Adam and the high ranking exorcists can know. He feels a lot of guilt about lying. it weighs on him a lot. that and the stress of protecting Lu from his brothers honestly makes Adam act more subdued and tired than canon Adam. His eyebags are awful. It prob becomes obvious as time goes on that Adam is Not Well. He keeps his mask on for a looong time after the first time bc it helps him hide his feelings and self-regulate but when he finally takes it off it's obvious to Lu from how he looks that Adam is struggling mentally. Comparing him to how he looked in Eden makes it so clear.

For Lu's part of things. Of course he'd ask about Lilith. Especially after finding out that so long has passed and Adam is here, so Lilith is probably here too, right? I feel like because he missed... So much, the concept of Death to him still doesn't really sink in. Like even with the Sins, it's basically like he just Knows he can't See them again. So with Lilith its like Adam has to just lie the same as with Anyone else from Hell. And Lu is definitely heartbroken about Lilith being Gone.

And like, at the time, Adam isn't lying so he doesn't feel Guilty about it, he just feels bad seeing Lu so upset. The timeline of this is kinda indeterminate but it definitely is Earlier than the 7 years of Lilith being in Heaven. So when he first Appears, she hasn't left Hell yet. Who knows, Charlie may not have even been born yet at that point. There's no Solid point in Time for Lu to have appeared in Heaven, it's just... Earlier. He doesn't think to Look for her because he knows that if she's Not Already There, then she's Inaccessible. Otherwise Adam would have told him, he's sure of it. (Adam has no obligation to tell Lu when Lilith does get there and for the reasons stated above + the fact that the Elder Angels probably would try and deter any interaction between the two. he's left in the Dark about her arriving in Heaven. He doesn't know Adam has even made a Deal with anyone) He still misses her because Adam is Truly the only friend from When he's from left.

And tbh the mixed signals are what keeps Hope Alive for Lu. As much as he tries to be okay with friendship, he still wants more because he's In Love and Adam is the only thing that makes him feel Normal when his entire life and everything he knew was entirely up-ended. It's why he's so passive about it. He doesn't want to make Adam feel bad, but he sees Adam being so Conscious of him now and it makes him happy. He doesn't wanna Push it, but he still likes seeing that Adam is Aware of him like that now. Especially because it's not in a way where Adam is trying to push him away, Adam is actively spending more time with him!

The longer time passes, the more discontent Lu grows. Knowing he's being lied to/that things are being hidden, even by Adam, he is Curious and he wants to learn more. But he also isn't going to be reckless about Learning More. The thing is also he Doesn't Know what questions he should be asking. He could ask Winners things and get answers, its not like anyone would stop him from Talking to Winners, its part of his Job. But like... How would he even start to figure out what's Missing in his knowledge?

Also Lu is definitely Aware of how different Adam is from his Eden self. Like just Visually, it's so easy to separate them because Adam wears his mask. But when its just the two of them and Adam is maskless, Lu may be more susceptible to treating him like that. But he's also very aware of the fact that actually their Knowledge Base is completely flipped. Lu hardly knows anything and Adam knows Everything.

And like.... Lu Knows that being kept in the dark is probably 'for his own good' but as stated, the person who fell is Still him. So now instead of resenting/being upset that Humans were kept in the dark, now it's himself. There's no Fruit That Will Fix Things for him though. He's just left frustrated at his lack of agency in this. And honestly, what keeps in line Most is Fear. Since coming to this time, his family has been Nicer to him, he's actually getting along to some degree with his brothers who used to ridicule him (or worse) and he Knows it's only because he's 'behaving' now, now that Creation is over and Life Has Existed. And he's scared or what will happen if he steps too out of line. He doesn't have the refuge of going to Eden to visit the Humans if things go south with his siblings. He isn't allowed on Earth, he's confined to Heaven, so he would just be stuck with the same sort of things that ultimately drove him originally to commit the Sin of giving Eve the Apple (not that he's Aware of how it culminated) And Also he has Adam. He doesn't want to know what the consequences would be if they were to decide that they shouldn't be allowed to stay together. It would absolutely break him.

If Lu were to find out about the exterminations, he'd be just as Appalled by it as Emily was. Lu doesn't know about Sin, what that entails, how Sinners destroy everything. He hasn't had to live with it so he can't see any contempt or justification for their destruction. Lucifer hates them because they came in a ruined the world he tried to build in Hell. Lu doesn't have any such associations with them. He would just see them much like Charlie does, souls who made mistakes and who should be given the chance to Do Better and make up for it. (That's sort of what he is, in a way, too.) He would absolutely be upset and scold the fuck out of Adam and Lute if he knew what his besties were REALLY doing once a year-

As for the sexual stuff, Both Lucifers started without having a concept of sex or sexuality, so both of them are specifically shaped by their partners (literally in a way). So the Lucifer who learned and explored with Lilith is going to be completely different from the Lucifer who learned and explored with Adam in terms of How they have sex. It's a skill they learn by doing, so it's not the Same.

Thank you for sticking it out this long, have a doodle for your troubles 🙏

[sorrowsofsilence]

Burning Out • VIII

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 5.4k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter Eight - Fool Myself (EDITED: 09-03-24)

new? start from chapter one here

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY, IN REAL LIFE! IT IS SIMPLY FICTION, AND JUST FOR FUN! THINK OF THEM AS ACTORS LOL.

+

Noah turned away from us, shaking his head. “It's none of your business.”

“It is my business now.” Nicholas stood up, positioning himself next to me in a protective manner.

I furrowed my brow and took a step back from Ruffilo. “Can someone please explain what's going on?”

A cynical smirk appeared on Ruffilo's face as he let out a quick laugh, scoffing at the brunette in front of him. “You didn't ask her where you really wanted to take her out, did you?”

Noah ran a hand over his face. “I was getting there.”

I looked between them again before turning my head towards Noah. “Where were you planning to take me?”

Noah licked his lips thoughtfully before turning to me. “I need your help.”

+++++

“Y/N hurry up!” Kiean yelled, his blonde curls bouncing underneath his black hood as he threw the canvas duffle bag towards me, placing his gun between his waistband. He ran behind the counter, typing on the keyboard of the desk computer frantically.

The alarms blared between the walls as I hastily tried to listen to the clicks of the safe, my heart racing as adrenaline rushed through me, my hands sweating beneath the leather gloves.

My breath quickened beneath the full white masquerade mask, the moisture building between the plastic and my skin, causing my chest to heave.

In a matter of minutes, the police would arrive and a shoot-out would begin.

‘k-12 to k-11’, Kean screamed over his walkie, my senses completely overloaded as the mixture of sounds rang through my ears.

‘k-11 to k-12, over.’

‘status of the doors?’

I looked away from the safe briefly towards the glass front doors, watching as the other masked figures held the rifles pointed towards the blocked exterior. I turned back as I anxiously flicked between the code, seconds being wasted the longer I failed to open it.

‘blocked.’ the voice responded.

‘hostages?’ Kiean asked.

‘detained.’

My gaze fell upon the huddled figures crouched on the ground, their bodies curled up in a defensive posture as they trembled with terror. A second group of armed men loomed over them, pressing the barrel of a rifle against the skin of a woman who fought back with her words, resulting in a deafening chorus of screams as one of the men fired his gun.

I closed my eyes, wishing to wake up from this nightmare.

But it was real.

“Is that fucking safe open yet?”

My blood ran cold as a shiver ran through my spine, the voice of my bad decision stopping my fingers mid-turn.

A gloved hand gripped the back of my neck and I looked up at the mask that mirrored my own, the only skin was his piercing green eyes that glared at me, filled with outrage. My lungs could no longer suck in oxygen as I gasped for a breath, desperate.

“You have ten fucking seconds to open that door, or I'll blow your brains out, you pathetic piece of shit.”

His fingers tightened around my neck, and I fought back tears as I watched in horror, trying to nod beneath his grip.

"Kade!" Kiean barked. "Leave her alone!"

Kade glared at me with disgust for a moment longer before releasing me, allowing me to gasp for air.

I used to be captivated by his green eyes.

+++++

Y/N

I perched on the edge of my bed, ending my phone call with my boss by blaming a bout of food poisoning. It was a classic excuse. I picked up the plastic mask and ran my fingers over the years of shame it represented, causing memories from my past to resurface in my mind. Noah was aware of some parts of my story, but not the whole reason why I had left my old life behind. Even though I knew he would most likely still accept me, I was too scared to tell him. The thought of sharing my full story with him made me anxious, and for now, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I think I lost my mind Everything I knew came falling down Anything I build comes crashing down

I was trying to leave my old life behind…but I knew I was experienced enough to help him.

However, I knew that this was going to tie me right back to those I left. If I helped him, I would be stuck in the never-ending loop again. They would find me.

I'm pleading, "God, not now" Save me from my sins before I leave Free me from the weight so I can breathe

But for some reason, I was willing to do anything for Noah.

Why?

I was clearly fucking crazy.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

+++++

NOAH

Y/N and I agreed to go tonight.

I was scared to ask her, especially after Ruffilo confronted us. I did genuinely want to take her out on a date. I wanted to spend time with her.

But I did need her help.

I outlined the heist plan and to my surprise, she agreed without hesitation. The look on her face left me puzzled. I was anticipating some resistance, but she simply took a deep breath and seemed lost in thought for a moment before nodding and saying she needed to gather a few items.

Her reaction was peculiar; it almost seemed like she was struggling with conflicting thoughts. Was she torn between her morals, knowing that what we were doing was wrong? Or was there something else going on?

I quickly sent a text to Vincent informing him that I would meet him immediately after the heist to sell the drugs, around midnight.

“See you then, Sebastian. Same spot.”

Hope coursed through my veins as the plans fell perfectly into place. I quickly grabbed my backpack and gear before rushing up the stairs to Y/N's room. I knocked on the door as I pushed it open, revealing Y/N sitting with a party mask in her hands. It was a simple white plastic mask with a beautiful black masquerade design spiralling around the eyes. I studied her expression as she continued to stare at the mask, flipping it around in her hands. Something about it seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite place where I had seen it before.

“Do you want one of my masks?” I asked, sitting next to her on the mattress, assessing the plastic she traced her fingers with as if recalling a memory.

She took a shaky breath as she declined, turning to face me and giving me a curt smile, “This one works fine.”

I watched as Y/N’s shoulders began to shake in what I assumed was nervousness, and I placed a hand on hers that held the mask, “You don’t have to do this with me.”

She jumped lightly at my touch, leaving me confused before pulling away.

“I promised I would help you, Noah,” she said, getting up from her seat and grabbing her backpack.

Y/N pulled out a walkie-talkie from the bag, tossing one to me. I raised an eyebrow as I caught it, surprised to see such a high-tech radio in her possession.

“When did you get these?” I asked, almost laughing at the old-school equipment.

She shrugged nonchalantly, zipping up her backpack as she eyed me once more, “A long time ago. I'll give one to the boys too so we can stay connected. They can keep track of what's happening on the sidelines.”

I nodded as I placed the device in my cargo pants pocket. Y/N moved around the room, gathering various items before turning back to face me.

“Do you have extra clothes underneath your black outfit?” She asked with a serious expression that sent chills down my spine.

I turned my head to look at her, standing up from the bed, “No... should I?”

She nodded, raising an eyebrow as if it was obvious, “Yes, and grab another hat too.”

I gave her a curious look and followed her command, heading to the spare bedroom to grab some fresh clothes. Once we had everything we needed, we stood at the front door, ready to leave. Ruffilo was waiting for us by the stairs, his arms folded as he analyzed us before giving Y/N a tight hug and then turning to me.

"Stay safe out there. I'll be tracking you," he said with a nod, his concern evident in his gaze toward Y/N.

"Don't forget to keep your phone and my laptop on, with the password being Juice," Y/N reminded Nicholas, who nodded and gave her a thumbs up in response.

"Why?" I asked Y/N, surprised by their close relationship.

"You never know when you might need backup," she replied with a smile, but I could see the worry behind her eyes, which only heightened my own anxiety.

We exchanged nods before waving goodbye to Nicholas and leaving through the front door. The cool air hit my face, reminding me that this was happening - Y/N was coming with me. Was this truly a good idea?

We got into the van, with me in the driver's seat and Y/N in the passenger's seat.

"So," Y/N started as I pulled away from the curb and drove down the street, "I've never been to this pharmacy before and I have no idea how many cameras there are."

"Folio said there shouldn't be any inside since it's an old place, but there are probably two outside," I replied as I turned down the music in the car.

Y/N nodded in understanding, "Then we should park on Twelfth Ave so we're far enough away from any cameras near the pharmacy."

I hummed in agreement as I took a deep breath. Her knowledge and strategic thinking impressed me. "You seem to know what you're doing."

She briefly glanced at me before looking out the window, watching the city pass by. "I've seen enough movies."

I chuckled, my fingers tightening around the steering wheel. "I guess so."

We rode in silence for most of the trip, with soft music from the radio filling the void. As we approached Twelfth Ave, I parked on the side of the road.

"Ready?" I asked Y/N.

She hummed as she peered out the window, looking for cameras before giving me a nod.

“We’re good. Masks on before we get out.”

I laughed, cocking my head to the side, “Isn’t this my mission?”

She smiled at me, “Of course; but you asked for my help.”

“Touche,” I slipped the fabric over my head as I pulled my hood over. The car doors slammed shut and we began walking down the sidewalk, Y/N’s hands now governed with gloves.

“Walkie is set to channel 14?” She asked me, double-checking hers before clipping it to her belt.

“Yes,” I chuckled, reassuring her with a glance.

Y/N nodded, walking ahead of me quickly, “Ok. Before we hit the 13th street we need to check for more cameras, especially on the buildings across the street. Then scope out a place we can hide behind to change once we’re done.”

I blinked rapidly, surprised by her knowledge and instantly curious. I followed closely behind her, obeying her every command. As we reached 13th Ave, my eyes followed hers as she scanned the surrounding brick buildings, pointing out a camera across the street.

"That one has probably already seen us," she said, her voice hitching in her throat.

I instinctively pulled her back and turned her to face me. "What-"

"Let me finish," she cut me off, breathing heavily from behind her mask. "I need to call Nicholas."

The woman next to me dialled Ruffilo's number on her phone. Y/N grabbed my arm and led me to the side, between two buildings where we were sheltered by bricks.

"Hey, Ruffles," she whispered into the phone. "Yeah, everything's okay. I need your help with the cameras, can you get my laptop?"

I watched with curiosity as she spoke quietly into the phone.

"Log in to my computer and click on the blue app on my desktop, the one with an eye icon- yes- that one."

She glanced at me before looking down at the ground. "Password is Kade. K-A-D-E. All capitals."

Kade?

I felt my heart skip a beat at the mention of that name. Kade. Why did Y/N have a password with that name? And why did she seem so hesitant to say it out loud?

Y/N continued her hushed conversation with Nicholas, giving him instructions on how to access some kind of surveillance system. I tried to piece together what was happening, but my mind kept circling back to that name. Kade. It stirred something in my memory, but I couldn't quite place it.

Y/N held the phone closer to her ear, frantically beginning to pace, “OK, now I need you to type the address of Noah’s tracker into the box on the bottom. Grey box.”

My brows furrowed in confusion as I watched her actions. It was some serious spy-level stuff, and I couldn't understand how she knew about it or why she was doing it. It was making me question how well I actually knew Y/N. "Type in the IP address, including the zeros. Then click on the red icon that appears on the right."

“It’s asking for another password.” I could hear Nicholas on the other side of Y/N’s phone faintly.

“Try Kiean. K-I-E-A-N.”

“Nope.”

Y/N was silent for a moment, and I watched as her chest heaved beneath her black zip-up. She hesitated for a moment, as if the words were unable to escape her lips, “Try- try my name and the date 06-13.”

“Yeah, that worked. Now what?”

June 13?

I gazed into Y/N's eyes, trying to gauge her reaction behind her mask. Her eyelids were starting to glaze over with tears. "Okay, now click on the box that should have appeared," I instructed, my voice shaking slightly. "You'll need to enter this code... are you ready?"

I heard Nick hum and Y/N began spitting out random letters and numbers, “qqp;//0-0-0:879230/live.”

“Then put in Noah’s IP, and then continue with ‘.off/GO113MODULE=shutdown.”

What the fuck?

“Ok. That did something?”

“Did a timer pop up?” Y/N asked hastily, before eying me.

“Yeah- it says 7 minutes and it’s counting down.”

"Perfect. Thanks, Ruffles. Call me when two minutes are remaining.” Y/N hung up the phone before grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the ally towards the pharmacy.

“The cameras are down. We only have seven minutes to pull this off before the alarms alert the police.”

I had so many questions, but I could only stare at her in confusion and admiration.

We arrived at the pharmacy door, and I reached for my crowbar from its place on my back. I struggled for a moment, gritting my teeth as I pulled on the door.

Y/N mumbled, “Push instead of pulling. It's faster.” So I followed her instructions, and the door swung open within seconds.

“How did you know-”

But she paid no attention to my question and walked past me as the piercing sound of the alarm filled the street from inside the pharmacy. Adrenaline surged through me as we dove into action, quickly scanning shelves and frantically grabbing items to stuff into our extra backpacks. Heading towards the back of the store where the prescriptions were kept, I could feel my heart racing with every second that ticked by on the alarm clock.

Y/N followed my lead and quickly vaulted over the counter, squeezing herself between the tightly packed shelves. She scooped up different bottles and packets of pills, throwing them into her bag with practiced speed.

"You know what you're doing," I yelled over the blaring alarm, flinging bottles in every direction, trying to be as efficient as possible.

Y/N glanced at me but focused on her task, ignoring my question.

I leaned closer, grabbing her arm as she went for a bubble pack of pills. "How do you know all this from movies? The camera hack? What the hell?" I knew it was probably not the best time to interrogate her, but I couldn't help myself.

"Can you please shut up?" She seethed between gritted teeth, narrowing her eyes at me in frustration. "Right now, Noah, the cops could show up any minute. Focus on getting the money instead of worrying about me."

She snatched her arm away from my grip and moved to the other side of the counter, making her way to the cash register. I watched in amazement as she used a crowbar to pry open the drawer and gather the cash inside.

I shook my head in a mixture of disbelief and respect. Maybe taking Y/N along on this heist was a good idea after all.

Her phone rang and we both looked at each other, our eyes meeting through our masks. "Two minutes until the cameras turn on, we need to go!" She shouted over the blaring alarm.

I nodded in agreement before remembering one of the main reasons we were here: to grab her medication.

"Wait!" I called out, turning around. Diazepam, Adderall, Zolpidem.

My eyes scanned frantically through the shelves, searching for the specific medications. Adderall. Check. Diazepam. Check.

“Noah!” Y/N screamed, her arms raised as she stood at the door. The store alarm beeped in the background, accompanied by distant sirens that signalled their impending arrival.

“Wait- shit!” I bellowed, frantically searching through the last section. My gloved hand slid along the shelf as my heart raced with anticipation until I finally found what I was looking for: Zolpidem. Check. Y/N hovered near the door, her head swivelling between me and the outside world, peeking around the corner to see if any cops were approaching.

Snatching my bag from behind the counter, I stumbled slightly over the mess we had created but quickly caught myself. We sprinted out of the store and I grabbed Y/N’s arm, pulling her along with me.

My ears continued to ring as we ran and Y/N started pushing into me.

“Here,” she urged, pressing into my side as she led us down an alleyway further down the street.

“Take off your clothes,” she commanded with a heavy exhale, throwing her hood back and ripping off her mask as if it were a disgusting layer of skin.

“Can't it wait until we get home?” I tried to joke, but she glared at me without amusement given our current predicament. As my attempted smile faded, I barely registered the tears streaming down her cheeks as she took off her hoodie and pulled a pink one out of her bag. She threw on a pair of sweatpants over her shorts that were hidden beneath her jeans and knelt to put on a pair of white Converse.

I followed suit, quickly shedding my clothes before slipping into black and white shorts and a white hoodie. As I struggled to put on my vans, I hastily shoved everything back into my bag.

The sirens grew louder, the flashing lights bouncing off the surrounding buildings. We were filled with panic and as soon as Y/N was ready, I grabbed her hand and we ran down the alley together. I scanned the walls for a way out and my eyes landed on a ladder. I tugged at it to make sure it wouldn't collapse before starting to climb.

Y/N followed behind me and once we reached the top of the building, we paused for a moment to catch our breath. She watched me closely before I took off running again. The rocks and debris on the rooftop crunched under my feet as I sprinted, checking over my shoulder frequently to make sure Y/N was still with me and unharmed.

We reached the edge of the roof and surveyed our options. We were surrounded by tall buildings with no clear escape route. The wailing sirens from below urged us to make a decision quickly. My eyes landed on another nearby building with a ladder and ledge attached to it, but we would have to jump to reach it. It seemed risky, but it was our only option.

"Do you trust me?" I asked Y/N, catching my breath, as I looked into her mesmerizing E/C eyes illuminated by moonlight. She gave me a determined look and held out her hand in complete trust.

"Always," she whispered back, squeezing my hand firmly. Feeling reassured, I turned back to face the building ahead of us.

"Follow me," I said, giving her hand a final squeeze before letting go and preparing myself to jump.

With a deep breath, I leaped off the edge of the building, feeling the air rush past me before grabbing onto the ladder and pulling myself up. Once I was secure, I looked up at Y/N and gave her a thumbs up.

She hesitated for a moment, surveying the drop below us. But then she made up her mind and with determination, she followed my lead.

We cautiously made our way across the narrow ledge before reaching the end. I looked down and assessed our next move.

"Okay, we can swing off that pipe over there and onto the top of the dumpster. Then we run," I instructed Y/N, preparing myself for another jump.

She let out a small laugh, "Parkour?"

"Piece of cake," I matched her tone, trying to hide my nerves. "Just watch me." I took a deep breath and launched myself off the edge towards the pipe, landing safely on top of the dumpster. Y/N followed suit, laughing and out of breath but still determined to escape. We ran as fast as we could, adrenaline pumping through our veins as we fled from the approaching danger.

I gingerly walked across the narrow pipe, carefully distributing my weight and using my hands to maintain my balance as I made my way over the dumpster below. Once I was directly above it, I knelt and tested my grip before letting go of the pipe and dropping onto the plastic lid on top of the dumpster.

Y/N followed suit, but her fear showed as she hesitated while hanging onto the pipe with her eyes squeezed shut. "C'mon princess," I encouraged, "I'll catch you."

After a brief moment of consideration, she let go and I caught her in my arms, pulling her close to me. I held on for a moment longer than necessary, feeling grateful to have her by my side, but we still had a mission to complete.

We slid off the dumpster and landed on the cold pavement with a thud. Without hesitation, I grabbed Y/N's hand and we sprinted towards our getaway van. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins more powerfully than any caffeine rush ever could, making me feel truly alive with Y/N at my side.

As we reached the van and climbed inside, locking the doors behind us, we both sat silently catching our breath. My eyes flickered over to Y/N and she turned to face me with a wide grin plastered on her face.

"Damn," she exclaimed, "we did it."

I couldn't help but laugh along with her, feeling proud of what we had accomplished together.

"I can't believe that worked," I chuckled, my throat dry from exertion.

Our laughter died down and I turned to fully face her.

"Yeah..." She trailed off, her smile fading slightly as she seemed lost in thought.

"How did you-" I started to ask before she cut me off abruptly.

"I don't want to talk about it." Her response was curt and dismissive as she began to shut down once again now that the adrenaline had worn off. Her eyes remained fixed straight ahead and I watched her with confusion and concern, a million questions racing through my mind.

What was wrong? And how does she know so much?

As I started the car and gently revved the engine, I knew Y/N didn't want to talk about what had just happened. But I couldn't help but comment on her actions, "What you did back there was beyond impressive. Even I wouldn't have been able to do it."

Y/N remained silent, turning her body away from me.

"You've done this before," I stated with certainty.

Y/N's head snapped towards me, "Noah," she said my name angrily.

I licked my lips in annoyance, dropping the subject for now, "We need to visit someone before we head back."

She swallowed hard and nodded in silence.

As I drove, my mind raced with thoughts. Y/N clearly wasn't being truthful about her past. I recognized that mask from somewhere before. And I could tell by her skills that she must have pulled off some kind of heist before. Who was Kiean, anyway?

Thoughts consumed me until we finally reached the pier. I abruptly stopped the car near an alleyway and turned off the engine, grabbing my mask.

“Put your mask on,” I said, and she nodded, reaching into her bag. I watched as she placed the mask on top of her face and I followed with my own before we pulled the hoodies over our heads once again. I waited for Y/N to get out of the car, watching carefully as she closed the door.

I quickly grabbed her replacement meds from my bag, sliding them into the glovebox before grabbing both our backpacks. I slid out of the car, and walked next to her.

I leaned over, whispering, “Stay behind me, don’t say anything,” and Y/N nodded, trailing behind me as we walked down into the alleyway.

It was quiet, the only sound was our footsteps and distant traffic. I stopped Y/N with my arm before we walked any further down the cement, waiting.

Y/N breathed heavily, and seconds later we heard him.

“Sebastian!” Vincent’s voice boomed through the brick walls.

I cautiously kept my distance as he turned the corner, exposing himself. He walked towards us and flipped a coin between his fingers, tilting his head slightly as his eyes immediately latched onto Y/N. She stood behind me, almost hidden.

“a friend?” His voice raised slightly in question.

I instinctively held out my arm to shield Y/N from danger, but she pushed past me and stood by my side. Vincent immediately stopped flipping his coin when he saw her, a look of recognition in his eyes as he focused on the masked girl standing beside me. He seemed completely entranced by her, and I felt a pang of unease in my stomach at the way he stared. Y/N and I exchanged glances, both of us visibly shaken. A deep chuckle rumbled from Vincent's chest before he spoke, leaving me confused by his words.

“We live in a twilight world.”

Y/N stiffened beside me, silent for a moment before responding.

“And there are no friends at dusk.”

I turned to her, my mind racing in confusion. The tension between them was palpable, almost suffocating. It was clear that there was some sort of connection between them.

She recognized him. He recognized her.

But how? How could they know each other?

Then it hit me - the mask.

Vincent looked away from their eye contest first, the shine of his grillz radiating once he smiled at me.

“What do you have for me? Other than an oh-so-riveting friend.”

I brushed off his question about Y/N and swung my backpack off my shoulders. I unzipped it in front of him, exposing the numerous bottles of pills inside.

“Looks like quite a score,” Vincent chuckled, letting out a low whistle, “But I don't have enough money on me for all that.”

I tried to hide my disappointment, “Then what can I get you?”

“I brought the same amount as last time,” He gestured towards the bag, “Do you have any more Adderall? And maybe some zolpidem and diazepam?”

Don't worry, I'll be lost in echoes Be laughing on my own It's tragic, but it's the only life I know (Only life I know)

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes began to widen, and I stared at him.

“From whatever that name was- Y-N? Something?”

My body froze, immediately afraid to look in her direction. From my peripheral, I saw her remain perfectly still. Too still.

What should I do, what should I be? (I'm at a turning point right now) I'm so full of rage, too blind to see

“Uh- n-no.” I stammered, taking a step back as I avoided Y/N’s gaze,  “I have a few opioids.”

Vincent shrugged, smiling, “Ah sounds good.”

I looked at the bag as my hands began to shake.

“I’ll take those today for twenty-five hundred. But uh, bring the others next time. They sold great. I’ll offer thirty-five hundred,” Vincent said, reaching into the bag to assess some of the bottles.

I swallowed harshly as I nodded, “Yeah- I’ll get some of those.”

Vincent whipped out his testing kid, assessing each of the bags and bottles before pulling out the cash.

“Thanks for the transaction, Sebastian,” he said with a nod as he handed the bundle to me. He then turned to Y/N with a taunting smile and licked his lips before saying, "I'll see you at the beginning, friend."

Y/N nodded back at him before quickly turning away and heading towards the car.

As she walked away, I stole one last glance at Vincent who was watching curiously.

"Take care," I said in a conflicted tone before jogging after Y/N, who had disappeared from view in the alleyway.

She was already sitting in the car, her mask tossed onto the dashboard as she stared blankly at her lap.

I sat down in the driver's seat, too afraid to say anything when I saw how defeated she looked.

The words that escaped her lips sounded broken and strained. "I trusted you."

My heart pounding in agony as she fixated on her lap with disappointed eyes. I swallowed harshly, panicking. As my heart hammered the only question that left my mouth was Why.

I wanted to blame her as if it was her fault for trusting me. As if she’s the one who made me steal her drugs. Part of me wanted to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her, my body fighting the urge to shame her for being so kind.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Why would you trust a criminal like me?”

As soon as the question left my lips I had sunk into the seat of the car, shame taking over. I was never meant to be the good guy.

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again

Her eyes lowered, suddenly feeling small and unsure. "B-because?" She stuttered, "You're not a bad person, Noah."

But I am. It's my fault for taking advantage of her.

"Why did you do it?" She asked, still fixated on her hands.

"Why else?" My hands ran over my face in frustration, "I need the damn money. It's not like I do this for fun."

I keep seeing myself at the end of a yellow rose, consumed by guilt and regret. This feeling is unfamiliar to me, like a seed planted deep in my bones.

My soul turned its back on me as I burned bridges with my actions. Just another wasted human burdening this skin.

"I tried giving you other options - like the bar or a job at the cafe," she rambled, gesturing wildly as she explained.

"And I'm grateful," I reached out towards her arm, but she pulled away and pressed herself against the window defensively.

My hand fell back in shame, "but it's still not enough. It's hard to make money when it's just me doing these jobs."

"I understand that," she said, crossing her arms and hugging herself, "but I told you I would help."

And it pulls me further from the point that I belong And all you wanna do is take me, break me, hide me away Or you can shame me, blame me, burn me at the stake on a lie 'Cause my own mind wilts at the thought of being alive And that I'd like it if I tried

Whispering, she said, “You didn’t have to go behind my back. You could have just asked me.”

“I- the reason I did this specific robbery,” I explained, opening the glovebox in front of her to reveal the plastic bottles, “was to get your medications. That’s why I’ve been so distant.”

She looked at the orange bottles with a detached expression.

“I’ve been consumed by guilt ever since, barely able to even look at you,” my voice began to rise, “How messed up am I? To do something like that to you, knowing that those meds are supposed to help you?”

I shook my head in frustration and slammed the glovebox shut, causing Y/N to jump.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Y/N,” I whispered now, “I am so sorry I did this to you. I am so sorry I dragged you into this.”

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again

Chapter 9

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken

@princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant

@veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs

@flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls

@hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil @thefallennightmare

@blend-in-with-the-madness @reyadawn @deathblacksmoke @anameunmusical @sitkowski

@anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @rumoured-whispers @artificialbreezy

[rabbitprintart]

okay I need to get this outta my system because realistically I won't be able to draw this in a while but at least wanna write down my head cannons and au AND I'M DRIVING MYSELF INSANE EVERY NIGHT!!!

Anyways, I've been meaning to make/explore an au where Trigun takes place in my motherland of Tierra Caliente, yes I know it's incredibly self indulgent, but where I live, questions of climate change and agriculture are constant within the community, it's a weeeee bit lawless, and I can see so many opportunities of weaving those ideas together with those of the original Trigun series. I just think the reason Trigun speaks to so many of us Mexicans is for the same reason we have an insane clown culture, or the "laugh now, cry later" attitude. I have never seen 2 anime/characters that embody the Mexican spirit and struggle like fucking Vash the Stampede and Nicholas Wolfwood (if you ignore the DragobBall IP lol). So far the ideas that I have are:

Vash and Knives, and all the plant aliens, are representations of ancestral Mesoamerican culture of having intricate stories about twins, duality, and nature. Really wanna dig into the idea of Vash being some kind off shoot of Quetzalcoatl and Knives of Tezcatlipoca, probably even paint Knives in a more charismatic light because tbh my man has some points and I don't blame him lol. Knives does remind me a lot of the cynical Mexican who has been wronged so much in his life that he can not understand a world that isn't evil therefore sees the only solution the destruction of all, just pure nihilism. It's unfortunately more common than you think, especially in men :{

Really weave in Mesoamerican thought, art, and philosophy with Mexican Catholicism. It will be more obvious through Wolfwood, and it makes a lot of sense in my mind since a lot of Rancho people unknowingly hold onto our native thoughts and customs without realizing, even if it has been repackaged through Catholicism (ex: Dia de los Muertos)

Commentary on the insane chokehold the idea of Family as the supreme value in Mexican people through Knives

Ranchero Wolfwood, El Dark (Darks means Goth in Mexican Spanish slang lol) Vash

OKAY NOW FOR THE ONE THAT ABSOLUTELY IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plants are seen as saints by the average Mexican even if the majority don't know about the plant angels inside, so much so that they are constantly offered milagros and have town celebrations for them, but they all have been slowly exploited and killed by the humans who were meant to protect them due to greed. Vash has a collection of the milagros he has salvaged from all his sister's graves and he ties them into his coat. Knives also does this, but they both do it for different motives, Knives mainly does this is as a reminder for his hatred of humanity, Vash mainly for his love for his people and endearment towards humans for thinking well of them, a reminder that he is not much of a monster as he has been made to believe. I literally made myself so emotional last night because I imagined Wolfwood making a milagro shaped in the Passionate Heart of Christ and offers it to Vash right before he dies LIKE SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! SHUT UP ME!!!!!! ME VOY A MATAR !!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In conclusion : Nightow, you are more Mexican than you think, I'm giving you the beaner pass

*cultural context for the non-Mexicans: Milagros are these tiny, usually silver, metal charms that are sown into the velvet of Mexican Catholic statues/icons as a sign of gratitude, a commitment of lifetime devotion, and appreciation for the idol for helping the individual make their prayer come true. Basically, people go to a saint, angel, etc., pray for them to help them (Most common prayers are to physically heal wounds, help with addictions, grief, have children, etc), and if the prayer is answered (the person is healed, they get their dream partner, have kids, etc), then the figure will be offered a Milagro that takes shape of the miracle (a healed leg, breasts for breast cancer, eyes, hearts, etc) and the devotee will sow it into the idol's clothes or their altar as an affirmation of their power and existence.

[whatawalrus]

Little bit late here but how do you best see Darin’s dynamic in your headcanons? This coming from someone who ships them but sees it as kind of a toxic doomed situationship with one of them (always Daan) dying in the Festival.

Oh you're not late at all! I'm just slow af. XD

It will depend on the scenarios. I cant really pinpoint my hcs cause I try to line up with their canon nature, but know they are in a dire situation, being in the termina festival. I like to think outside of their lives.

There are alot of hcs I have, but alot of them might be different with what the fandom sees them as. Perhaps it's that part of me that like bittersweet or long sweet growth between these stubborn headbutting duo. Other parts, it was never meant to be. But i think they might being out the best with each other if they give each other a long time.

Yess! I do love the doomed situationships alot! I have read some great fics that display this so well. That appending doom and they have their time left surviving what appears fruitless.

First off, enemies to lovers; it's a VERY hard dynamic to pull off. They weirdly bounce off each other very well, but some cases, people mistake abuse for chemistry too. I am guilty of this trope, and maybe because of this, I was delighted by the ship (plusssss my friends got me into it xD).

-------

The Endless and the Blank soul. A void going on forever. There's nothing but space, but it keeps going on. The Blank soul has 'Endless' potential. The Endless Soul has no finish line, blank sets of pages to skip through.

Both have some things in common, both are "selflessly selfish" in their own way. Might not be the best phase of meaning, but let me explain.

Karin pursuits selfless causes since she was young, engaging in protests against the Breman Empire, covering wars (lol) as a journalist and is compassionate for the unfortunate. A bleeding heart if you will. Remember, even being in upperclass, she was raised away from wealth from her kidnapping. She stops at nothing to get a concrete answer for everything and everyone she seeks out, and she does it very well, giving her fighting spirit. That being said, she does these without much consideration on other's feelings or opinions with how she does things, making her self-centered. She has tunnel vision, when she has a goal, thats all that matters. It makes her appear self-righteous and out of her depth. Karin definitely wears her career on her sleeve, with may come to the negative stereotype of journalists being pushy, nosy vultures. Given the "Karen" personality she has, it does not help her case.

Daan is a man who seen and experienced trauma, which he uses for helping others. A man who lives for others. Daan is very good at a doctor, passionate about it, we see him trying to aid the moonschorched villagers despite his sarcastic wit. He is willing to sacrifice his mind and body for healing others given his skill abilites relates to healing. From his background, he is sympathetic towards some contestants like Levi and Marina and rather protective of them (yes the BOP scene counts lol). The otherside is Daan can be very callous, haughty and condescending. Yes, he is polite on the outside, but its a shield; the events of Termina cracks that facade. He expresses the doom and gloom, dimissive of the silver lining. According to some folks, Daan appears as conceited and poking fun at their expense. Now that doesn't mean he thinks he is better than anyone, he had so many misfortunes in life that he is blinded by cynicism. His suffering is in serect in guilt and shame, that he seems to reflect in his sarcastic humor and sometimes projects on others. He sacrifices himself as self punishment than a viture. A doctor's job is self-sacrificing, but the way it is displayed as self-destructive. He believes he has nothing left. It doesn't help that Pocketcat is encouraging his thoughts that his life was never his in the first place. He is not his own person, he's a vessel. So why should he care what happens to him? Someone will think he is reckless and selfish how he is destroying himself slowly.

---

Let me make it clear; depression can be such a destructive force of oneself, and that sometimes one can be so absorbed in their self-punishment, they become deaf to other's feelings or even resentful of them. It can make one recluse away, hiding from what can help you. It makes you appear selfish or act on selflish tendencies. This is from someone who has been diagnosed with chronic depression disorder and it has been severe since.

---

(Fuck that was stupid and harsh on Daan, i see him as he is and from my experiences of depression and seeing friends who suffer similarly too. What happened to him is not his fault. but let me get to the hcs...?)

I like to hc alot of growth of characters being out of the festival. I am sure they act differently when not on the brick of death. It brought out the worst in people to survive.

Example; they escaped, pondering their lives afterwards. One wants to spread the word of the horrors she witness, the world needs to know to prevent this from happening again. The other, he has went with nothing to return to, only motivated by what happened to his wife and the baron.

It would be interesting to see how they will intertwined later in life.

I had ideas of drabble on how harsh Karin can be about Daan's self-deprecating humor, he will dismiss his survival as "coincidental" or his aid for others wasn't anything special. Karin is passionate and won't take his pity nonsense, be blunt on what he is was the many reasons many folks are alive and give himself more credit. Daan might ground her into reailty to see the forset for the trees cause she doesnt grounds herself in reality depsite of her denial of magic. Something like that. Both can learn alot from each other. Maybe they aren't made to last, but they would change for good cause of they knew each other....in three days. Idk anymore

I rambled way too much. Might offended some folks, might be wrong in some. Many of these thoughts are from the games, friend discussions and some fanfics that are close to the canon, i take it as such. Modern Man Traditional Medicine by @ vampireghostlawyer is one of the best ones I read. If you want more sweet, @ BrickleandFickle has very wholesome ones. Ther3es other fics can't recall but i will add a shoutout when i remember them

[blairsanne]

Hi bb! �� I'm curious to know who are your top 3 favourite Deano characters and why? (To watch or read or write or just look at 😉)

Ahh, what a nice question, bb! 💛💛💛 I always need to form an emotional connection with the characters, so... while Deano is always nice to look at, this is really based on the character themselves.

This was honestly kinda hard to answer.

1. Anders Johnson (The Almighty Johnsons)

This was probably an obvious answer, haha.

I love his sense of humour and desire to have fun. I love how cunning and cynical he can be, despite clearly having his own ethics and hopes for the future. I love how protective he is of his family/Dawn - especially when they don’t realize/appreciate it. I love when he’s confident and self-assured, but I also love when he’s vulnerable/we see his pain points (which all seem to revolve around his bros and Dawn? This is a man who loves certain people quite fiercely even if it’s not a romantic love and even if it's not always realized).

I interpret him as someone who has spent a lot of his life appeasing people to get by (whether his toxic childhood, or PR work in general, or Bragi powered interactions) but that desires to be more open with a few closer people. He both “trusts” them with his snarkier side and uses it as a shield to keep them from getting too close lest they hurt him with rejection. A bit of “well I don’t even like you anyway so there” at times, even tho it’s bs lol and only Axl ever seems to fully buy into it.

I feel like he needs some unconditional love in his life because it certainly didn’t happen with his parents, and it’s a bit touch and go at times with his bros. (Though Olaf seems very unconditional-grandpa-love? Maybe that’s why he and Olaf get on so easily.)

I think of him as a character that both represents aspects of myself and aspects I find attractive in others.

So in short, he’s my favourite because I think he’s very lovable and interesting and in need of love and he’s in a story where I love the concept and all the characters and it’s very easy to write him and imagine lots of scenarios for. 💛 (Also I find him very attractive in this role, even if he hated those absolutely magnificently tailored suits.)

2. Iolaus (Young Hercules)

Also probably not much of a shock, given he's the other Deano I have a sideblog for! This was the first role I actually saw Dean in, and I loved Iolaus so much back when this was on air, so it was wild to realize this was the same person who played Anders after I got into him haha.

Iolaus is once again a very funny, cunning, cocky character who has some insecurities that I find rather endearing. Iolaus is very charming to me, with his playfulness and heroics. I don't think the other characters see him as heroic necessarily, but he clearly cares about his friends and has many moments of being just as protective of others as Jason and Hercules. 💛

Also I'm always impressed that Iolaus seems to be able to keep up with Hercules; I don't know that he gets enough credit for that. He also should, by all rights, probably get with girls easier than he does since he's such a flirt. (He does have a bad habit of lying, though... Insecure bb.)

Basically I want to be in that world and give him all the love he deserves! I think it helps that I like the universe/world building/conceit of the show already, so I enjoy all the other characters and how they interact too.

Plus: Leather Pants? Those curls? Come on. 😩

3. Jon (Pork Pie)

This is where I got a little stumped. I also considered Barnaby and Will Johnson for third spot. Even as I write this I'm second-guessing my choice haha.

I really root for Jon. He's a fuck up, but he's trying to fix it. He's trying to make amends, and he gets caught up in a crazy situation, but he's so good-hearted. He means well, and you want him to succeed.

I love that he's a writer, but like, clearly not able to write because of what's been messing with his head (and then the shenanigans of the movie). His behaviours are just so funny at times, like how he orders his burger, his rapping along to the radio, etc. Even though I feel like Jon isn't funny in the sense of like, trying to be funny, he's really endearing and makes me laugh.

Mostly I think what I like about Jon is how "soft" he seems. Like, not in a weak way; he certainly powers through a lot of messed up situations and pulls off crazy things! But the motivation for all of it is this deep love he has, and I feel like he shows that love to his cohorts as well. He can be quite vulnerable at times, even when he seems to believe he will be rejected. The way he seems so touched by every kindness, his attempts to be supportive, and accepting...

I just really want to give this man a hug, haha.

Although I haven't formally written for him, I have a sequel to Pork Pie outlined in my WIPs that feels a bit daunting; both because of the plot I have in mind and because of how great the movie itself is. I feel like there's a lot to live up to, there, so we'll see if I ever end up writing it out haha.

-

Ahh thanks so much for this ask, bb! 💛💛💛💛

[thats-how-i-like-it]

0, 3 and 6 for your Helluva Boss and Arcana S/I's!

Hii thanks for the ask! and sorry I took so long, I was inspired and this got quite long lol.

0 – What are some of the inspirations behind your S/I? Are they exactly like you? Were they an OC? Did any of your favorite characters have any influence in their design/personality?

HB- I took a bit of inspiration from Barbie Wire, and Sally May for my s/i's design, but I based their overall features on my own, personality-wise they're mostly just like me, albeit a bit more cynical and tired, here's a doodle of him:

He's an hybrid between an imp and a succubi, so he has wings (though they are underdeveloped and he can't fly), he always covers them with his coat.

TA- I haven't fleshed out his design, and I haven't drawn him still but I'm taking inspiration from ghibli movies and general depictions of sorcerers, as well as the game's own aesthetic.

6 – What's the relationship dynamic between your S/I and your F/O? Be as vague or as descriptive as you'd like.

(I'll answer this before 3 so you have context for the scenes)

HB- Fizzarolli and Ruzzle (that's my s/i's name) are good friends and coworkers, Ruzzle is Fizzarolli's Financial Advisor and the voice of reason of Fizz (second voice of reason really, but Ozzie doesn't mind the help) as well as the one who offers an ear to Fizz's ramblings and troubles of daily life, they have a very "talks a lot/listens" dynamic.

TA- Portia and Julian have an unique kind of relationship with my s/i (who, I'm not gonna lie, it's just me if I was in The Arcana, down to the name), after the event's of the game, they got closer than ever, and started a relationship that wasn't quite romantic but wasn't platonic either, at first my s/i was a bit worried that dating both siblings at the same time was going to be awkward for them but while they were in the beginning of their relationship, Julian and Portia's repressed feelings for each other started to surface again and so he was at the middle of the siblings' crisis of "I'm in love with my sister/brother wth I do!?" but they figured it out eventually, they have a "chaotic with a soft heart/kind of heart dumb of ass/chill enabler " and "sun/moon/earth" dynamic.

Now with Asra, him and my s/i are biological siblings, but Asra, being in (a bit of obsessive) love with his little brother, put a spell on him so that he forgot they were related, and started romancing them, they were a little on and off at the start of their relationship (not because of major disagreements or anything like that, but because Asra's long travels and the fact that the guilt he felt made him distance himself a bit from the apprentice) but after the events of the game they started slowly getting back together (after my s/i got together with Portia and Julian).

Asra is very protective of his little brother apprentice and partner, and oftentimes gets possessive of them but always finds a way to brush it off or downplay it, he gets this way specially with Julian and Portia (specially Julian, given their shared history), but loves and values my s/i enough to not let it consume him and respect his partner's other relationships.

They have a "confident/nervous", "obsessed/chill" and "mysterious/wears heart on their sleeves" dynamic.

3 – Have you ever imagined any episodes or segments of your F/O's source starring your S/I? If so, what did they get up to?

HB- I can imagine after Oops, Ruzzle was really worried about Fizzarolli, and advised him against participating in Mammon's clown contest this year.

"Didn't you study Business? I can't just not go, it's not good for marketing!"

"Fizz, you were kidnapped and physically hurt, I think your brand can handle you taking a rest"

"But-"

"Think about your mental health Fizzarolli!"

"I'm fine! I've been through way worse!"

I can imagine them being a little tense with each other after that discussion, but when Fizzarolli quit his horrible job and told Mammon to suck it, Ruzzle was the first one to call him and congratulate him.

TA- I have three f/o's from the arcana so bear with me for a second.

I've thought about my s/i spending a lazy sunday with Portia and Julian in Mazelinka's house, helping making lunch, cuddling together, and listening to embarrassing stories from when they were kids.

"One may think that their rowdiness came with the years, but no, did you know that they set fire to their bed once?"

"You two did what!?"

"We were trying to make breakfast for Mazelinka! and someone named Ilya left a match out just in grabbing's reach"

"How was I supposed to know you were going to try to set fire to your kitchen toy set!?"

"How else was I supposed to cook the vegetables!?"

I can also see us running around at the palace, or trying not to make noises while making out on Julian's desk at the library.

With Asra, (and spoilers for his route) you know how in canon him and the apprentice met at the Masquerade? well here, after being left orphaned after their parents died at the hands of Lucio, they were left living on the streets for a while, until there was a day Asra couldn't find my s/i even after looking everywhere, and thus got separated and didn't find each other again until the Masquerade, and at that point Asra had spend the past who-knows-how-many years cultivating his obsessive love with his brother, that he cast a spell on them so they thought they had just met that night.

"Asra! oh my stars I can't believe it's you! after we got separated I promise I tried to look for you I swear but- oh I'm just so glad, I'm just so glad I have my older sibling back, can I keep hugging you?"

"...Yeah, of course, I missed you too, you don't know how much I missed you, my love."

And after putting his hands on their head, giving them a kiss in between their eyes, a twinkling noise was heard.

"...Huh? what- what were we talking about again?"

Asra smiled, albeit it didn't quite reach his eyes yet, as he pulled away to look at them.

"You were telling me you had a headache, and wanted to head outside for fresh air"

"Ah, yes, now that you mentioned it my head does hurt a little. Let's bring this conversation to the gardens, shall we?"

"Of course" he grabbed their hand gently and brought it up to his lips "I've never met someone as clever as you, you know?"

The other giggled "Thanks for the compliment, I could say the same, now let's go before my headache gets worse."

[perexcri]

Hello!!! You said you have been reading a lot of aus, could you please tell us about your favourite ones?

ahhh hello!! i would love to, because i've been really enjoying aus lately :D i haven't been reading as much fic as in the past because i've been trying to get through some books on my tbr list (of which there are too many, though i did finish one today!), but when i have been reading fics, it's been aus mainly!!

like i said in the other ask, you can always feel free to check out my bookmarks on ao3!! but here are a few of my current favs:

[hiding beneath the cut because it got way too long :) ]

tip-toeing on lily-pads by my beloved @cherryisgone. you might think i'm biased because it was given to me, and you would be correct in thinking that, but also, it's just?? so good?? the pining is off the charts, plus it's a kind of princess and the frog concept with prince Will and knight Mike. the writing is beautiful and has this lovely water imagery woven throughout it that i absolutely adored. idk what more someone could ask for tbh (except maybe a pt. 2 👀👉🏻👈🏻)

a new fight series by tea_for_one_please. this is a wonderful star wars au that does a fantastic job of weaving the main party members into the star wars universe and lore. i read it intermittently while i was visiting friends last month and really enjoyed my time with it. also, it's so well-written that i didn't realize how long the whole series was? apparently the entire series is the length of a book and i just. didn't know this until a few days ago lol. so yes, this one's fun for star wars/sci-fi vibes!!

fireball him! (cast protection) by @willow-lark. i'm a sucker for fantasy aus and this one is soooo so good!! again, maybe i'm biased because one of my stories is listed as inspiration, but i loved this thing. i saw it was posted last week while i was at work, and the second i got to take my lunch break, i flopped onto my couch to read it and was not disappointed. wonderful writing and an ending that left me with my jaw dropped. not that i'm still thinking about it :')

the manuscript by whereyouare. i'm humbly begging everyone to read this one because it's premise is just too good to pass up. it's an au where there's no Upside Down/supernatural stuff from the actual show. Will is a sci-fi author, and his publisher tells him his upcoming book is too cynical and the ending needs to be changed. it's such an interesting study of Will and refreshing take on his character, mostly because he's just...so cynical in this one? idk, maybe that's not for everyone, but i've enjoyed seeing a potential future Will where living in a small town and being in love with his (supposedly) straight best friend have hardened him more. it's fascinating and fun, so i highly recommend it!

warm by @notebooknonbinary. this one's a short fantasy au, but it's so sweet and soft. like i said, i'm a sucker for fantasy aus and have been writing with them a lot lately, so i always enjoy when i find a good one, and this one definitely fits the bill!

daydream by disaster_energy. this is a really fun d&d au where Will gets chosen by the moon goddess and Mike chooses to pledge to her paladin order. i especially loved the world-building in this one because it kinda reminded me of the percy jackson series - it was a perfect melding of a fantasy world with a modern one. plus it had plenty of pining, and i'll never complain about that lol

the vale of shadows by sevensided. another fantasy au!! this is the third installment in the dark mirror trilogy, which is one of my favorite things i've read ever in my life, fic or otherwise. i'm in love with this third installment and the recent update it got - the most recent 4 chapters have the perfect cottagecore vibes that made me melt. i love this whole series with all of my heart, and i'm so glad to see it in a fantasy au setting now

and it's not byler, but just for grins and giggles, i'm once again gonna rec sevensided's ronance one shot, nothing sacred / all things wild. i love this author's writing style, and she takes such an intense and interesting approach with these two characters by putting them in an FBI setting: Nancy is an agent recovering from a particularly traumatic mission, and Robin is her psychologist. they have a conversation and. well. Things Happen.

idk if you're specifically looking for recs anon, but if you're interested, i also have 2 fantasy aus and a vampire au i posted a few weeks ago!! they're some of my favorite things i've written and posted, and i really liked how the writing came out in them, so if you're interested, here they are:

fantasy aus: A Flower That Resembles You, the truth beneath the rose

vampire au: come to me again (in the cold, cold night)

happy reading!! if you have any recs, feel free to send some my way - i go through phases where i'll read more books than fic and vice versa, so it's only a matter of time until i'm glued to my phone burning through fics again lol

thanks for the ask, and thank you to all the lovely authors for creating such wonderful works for us to enjoy :D 💜💜💜

[batgeance]

happy happy birthday to my closest friend on this terrible website. you make my day even by sending a stupid tiktok that makes me laugh until i cry. i'm still hunting for the cosmic jet fuel you showed me and am forever jealous that i can't have your order because they don't have that shit by me. red bull coffee heart attack aside, i love your heart. how deeply you feel always comes across even if you're not an outwardly emotional person. it's felt. it makes me love you even more. you're funny as hell and are also unapologetically you no matter what which is super rare. you're a great listener. you're also a rock and anyone who can truly, genuinely call you a friend is so lucky. you're a staple in my day whether we're bitching about work or life or buying multichrome eyeliners. i don't think i can get how important you are to me as a person across but i do hope you know how much i adore you. personal feelings aside, in terms of this site i've written with you across so many characters and have gotten to see so many different sides of your writing over time. each one gets a unique reaction out of arthur and it's so fun as a writer to shift into so many different situations and tones and feelings...all with the same person. sometimes i'd get followed and not know who it was then i'd see your staple b&w and oh it's rio LOL. but that's so fuckin cool?? the fact that you have so much versatility and i can look at a blog and not even know it's you until i get beaten with the branding. and then you made bruce on a whim and oh hey. kaz was a really pleasant surprise too you know how i feel about s&b yet i love brekker and i love how you control the lore now. terrible for the actor, but love that you've got the reins. on top of that you're a super talented writer. i love how you can craft such a morose scene yet also thread humor into it even if it's horrible gallows humor that losers like us find funny. anyway all that being said i love and appreciate you and i hope you know that i am so lucky to have you in my life and i know you've got plans today and you're sick. throw that afrin in a shot glass and have fun. i wish i could be there to celebrate with you but i think that'd be such a chaotic combo god went "no ❤️." happy happy birthday i love you wear your crow feathers to protect your aching throat and may your next trip around the sun be the absolute best ever. love you big big.

why you gotta make me ugly cry today? i'm crying more than i did at the fucking piercer, you ass. i love you. i LOVE you. i cannot begin to convey how much i appreciate and value your friendship in a world where true friendships are so often taken for granted. especially on this shit show website. you're the very very best. thank you from the bottom of my rotten cynical heart. i love you SO much.

[nono-bunny]

Honestly this episode was so weird because the differences in personality between the new and old cures becomes very apparent, but the character designs and voices really make it hard for me to separate or stop comparing them. It's actually really confusing, especially with Saki who sounds much closer to Nagisa than Mai does to Honoka. My knee jerk reaction to Saki and Mai already growing so close in the second episode is that it feels too soon, ig because of how long it took for Honoka and Nagisa to get there... But the circumstances are different, these are different characters, and that's what makes it work. The two of them being equally into each other from the beginning (if for different reasons) also avoides making one of them come off worse than the other- the Honoka and Nagisa fight that led to them becoming friends was great, but as with all their fights, it definitely felt like Nagisa was the one most (or solely) at fault even when they try to make it equal (or it's just my Honoka bias)

These two are real sweet girls though, huh? I think I'm enjoying Saki's pure genki girl energy better than Nagisa's edgier one (genuinely don't know how to describe it- this is a bad description but I can't think of a better one rn), and Mai seems to be more sensitive and introspective than Honoka, which suits her well. As charming as Nagisa's cynicism was, Honoka being the more excited of the two when it came to their role as cures was what initially cinched her as my favorite, and tbh I think Honoka was just more relatable to me in a lot of ways? Saki and Mai both feel relatable to me already, and while rn I think I like Saki better, it's very early on and I can easily see myself flip flopping between the two- that never felt like it was gonna happen with Honoka and Nagisa, so like? Just on the main character front, I think I like these two better as a main duo (remains to be seen if I like whoever ends up being my favorite better than Honoka), they feel a bit more balanced, at least right now. They actually feel younger than Honoka and Nagisa, and I can't quite put my finger on why tbh? Might just be the design. They evoke the same "must protect the cutie" vibe I had with Hikari tbh lol

I forgot to mention it last episode but oh my god, this is another non-practical transformation item!! The card commune was fine- insert one card, open like a flip phone, easy/possible with one hand. The miracle communes basically required two hands because of the spinny opening mechanic, like it was actually really funny how they had to animate it because of that. I'm glad they're back to flip phones with the mix communes, but the two cards and spinning thing is still not really practical- I know they show them doing it one handed, but fr, I can just imagine the difficulties one would have trying to do that irl. Still a step up from the miracle communes at least though! Ngl future seasons not requiring hand holding to transform and thus enabling usage of both hands is likely for the best lol, as they can probably make cooler things that still work and make sense. I doubt any kids watched the show and thought "this is impractical", but I'm watching it and thinking about what it'd be like playing along with the merch and. Absolutely no way kids were able to smoothly imitate the show with these lmao. It's a cool concept but it feels too finicky for how and what you're meant to do with it.

Oh also I love the sparkly powering up of the limbs, it's so silly!! I feel like I like the magic related aesthetics (the transformations and attacks) of this season better in general- tbf I liked Max Heart's much less than those of the first season, so it's an immediate jump in quality/enjoyment for me, but I think I might just like them the best of all three seasons? Honestly I think having a more tangible theme is really helping to make it all look cooler- Black and White actually mostly dealt in rainbows, which makes a certain degree of sense ig, but even when they stuck to monochrome with Marble Screw, Max Heart really messed it up sadly. Bloom and Egret's magical stuff so far feel more cohesive with their respective themes in a way I really enjoy! The individuality comes at the cost of being as complementary as Black and White were (but honestly, what other concept could be?), but earth and sky still works, and I like that they each get to have their own thing now!

Precure Day 100

Episode: Futari wa Precure Splash Star 02 - “The Welcome Party at Pan-Paka is the Premonition of a Storm!” Date watched: 01 December 2018 Original air date: 12 February 2006 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/5CtC8VX Project info and master list of posts: https://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

they bond quickly

Keep reading

[genevievemd]

The Newlywed Game: Round 11

A/N: Not gonna lie, I'm a little excited to answer my own questions lol As always, a huge thank you to our queen of the newlywed game, the icon that brought us Allensey, @jamespotterthefirst! Wedding Wednesday would not exist without you. Also, I best be seeing Allensey answer these, ma'am!

For Both:

1. Where did you go on your second date?

Genevieve: Our patient's art show, although we could count the opera, but I was sad and you were -- Ethan: No. Those were not dates, G. Gen: You asked me out, there for they're dates. Ethan: No, no, no. If we go by this logic, our first date would have been that time you followed me to Derry's and we people watched. Gen: Exactly. Ethan: *pinches the bridge of his nose* Our second date was the drive in theater in Meldon, they were playing grease. You wore your hair like Sandy in the beginning of the movie, it was cute. Gen: Had to be on theme. But let's be honest, we only watched like fifteen minutes of the movie, the rest of the time we made out in your car. Ethan: *smiles wide*

2. What is their pet name for you? Do you have a favorite? Do you have a least favorite?

Ethan: She calls me 'babe' most often, it's not my favorite. Gen: Let me guess, your favorite is chief? Ethan: No, it's not. It's "my love". You don't use it often, but when you do, the look in your eyes... it's my favorite, hands down. Gen: *heart eyes* Ethan uses a variety for me; darling, sweetheart, love, baby on the super rare occasion. Also, G, which didn't start as a pet name, but it's kind of turned into one. He's like one of the few people in the world that call me G, and that makes it special, too. Ethan: Which is your favorite, "baby"? Gen: Rookie, because it didn't come from my name, and it's not the usual pet name. It's just for me. Second favorite is "baby" because it's just *fan's self*. And no least favorite.

3. What is their silliest fear?

Gen: Interns. Ethan: I'm not afraid of interns! Gen: Social interaction? Ethan: Will you -- Gen: *smirks* Ethan: Her silliest fear is the dark. Gen: How is that silly? Lots of people are afraid of the dark. Ethan: Children, maybe. And it's a situational fear, you're completely fine in the dark in our home, but you're petrified of the dark outside. Gen: You can't see what's there! There could be a ghost or a zombie, or a creepy dude coming to kidnap me. Ethan: We live in a city, that's never dark enough for something to jump out of the shadows. Gen: Stop judging me, old man.

4. How often do you go on dates together? Do you think it’s enough or would you like to go out more often?

Gen: Once a week, we have a "date night". More often than not, though, it's just us making dinner and watching a movie or something. But it's a night where we put our phones in the other room and just spend time together. Ethan: We try to go physically out on a date every couple of weeks. Gen: And it's never enough. Ethan: I know, I need to get better at prioritizing our relationship. Gen: No, I meant, like, no matter what it'll never be enough. We could go on a date every night of the week and I'll still feel like it's not enough. You're my person, I wanna be with you all the time. Ethan: *looks at G like she hung the moon* I love you. Gen: I love you.

5. What was the first thing your spouse said after the proposal?

Gen: My name. Ethan: Because you were standing there, unmoving. I was getting concerned. Gen: Like I'd have said anything other than "yes". Besides, I was in a little bit of shock. But after that, I said yes. And then "I love you." And then -- Ethan: I have to call my mom. But that came hours later.

6. If you were forced to marry one of your exes, who would it be?

Ethan: What exactly is the point of this question? Gen: To make you jealous. I'd marry my first boyfriend, Patrick. He's one of the sweetest guys in the world. Ethan: You answered that way too quick. He's the one I met during your second year, correct? The one visiting his sister? Gen: Yes, that was Patrick. Ethan: *grumbles* Gen: *laughs* Your turn. Ethan: No one. I never even considered marriage until you. Gen: Okay, but you're being forced, therefore, you have to pick someone. Harper? Ethan: No, Camila. Gen: Seriously? Ethan: Seriously. Harper and I, we were great and all, but that was situational, convenient. Camila I had rather deep feelings for, and she's an incredible doctor and woman. I'd pick her. Gen: *pouts* Okay, you're right, I don't like this question, it's stupid. Ethan: *laughs then kisses her cheek* Don't worry, love, I'm sure Tobias would steal her from me again.

Bonus Round:

Speaking of exes, describe each of your spouse’s exes using three words only. Go!

Gen: Cam; smart, philanthropic, inspiring. Harper; intelligent, beautiful, iconic. Anna; funny, compassionate, cheerful. I'm only naming those three, because they're your most serious relationships. If I name all the woman you dated for less than two weeks, we'd be here for like another ten minutes. Ethan: I feel insulted. Gen: Your turn. Ethan: Patrick; polite, lack-luster, tall. Jackson; rude, unintelligent, vain. Ryan; narcissistic, vacuous, cowardly, cruel, predatory -- Gen: Three, babe, they said three. Ethan: Fine, moving on. Nate: small-minded, cynical, disorganized. Gen: How is Nate small-minded? He's a doctor, who works at the Mayo Clinic. Ethan: Because he refused to be sympathetic or understanding to your trauma from Ryan. Therefore, he's small-minded. And a whole host of other words. Gen: *giggles* You hate all of my exes. Ethan: Not all of them, Rookie. I don't hate Patrick. Gen: Fine.

That last one was so fun to do. I love over-protective-hates everyone Ethan. Someday, I'll write the fic where he meets Patrick, takes place like right before the attack in book 2.

(tagging separately because that seems to be the only way tags work lately)

[taeyamayang]

Hello hello! Since you still have a few slots open, I'd love to join your 365 days event! I'd like to get a JJK matchup please (and TR, if you're accepting multiple fandoms) :D

Alrighty, so starting off, I'm definitely an introvert. I'd love nothing more than to stay at home all day & avoid people (gosh, I'm making myself sound like a complete hermit, lol). When I do go out & socialize, I like to present myself as a friendly person to others - despite the fact that I'm quite cynical & wary of most people. I'm very selective about whom I choose to trust & get close to, but towards those that I do trust, I'm extremely caring, loyal, accepting & protective. I also become super chatty + physically affectionate lol. Loyalty is definitely my strongest suit & once I've given it to someone, there's pretty much nothing that'd make me turn my back on them.

I pride myself in being able to accurately pick up a person's mood through their tone of voice (not so much through their expressions or body language), though if I sense someone's in a foul mood, I'll do my best to avoid them (loved ones included). I am an emotional person & cry easily, especially when stressed or being yelled at. Definitely don't like confrontations & try to avoid them when I can. As I take care of a family member w/ epilepsy, I've developed a very gentle side (not that it comes out much) + a tendency to worry too much. Also, super random, but I am not a morning person. Don't talk to me unless necessary within 2 hours of me waking up, or I'll become extremely grouchy.

As for hobbies, I love reading, playing the piano, writing letters, researching or hearing about crime cases (a bit morbid, but to each their own!), listening to classical or jazz, eating sweets & drinking tea. I also absolutely adore cats. I highly dislike dogs & bad hygiene or anything dirty. Unfortunately, I can't tell you whom I kin as I've never really felt that kind of connection towards any character & I've yet to be told by my friends that I resemble a certain character.

Annnnd, that should be it! Thank you so much in advance! <3

(P.S. Love your blog! Always look forward to seeing you on my dashboard. Keep up the wonderful work & make sure to keep yourself happy & hydrated! <33)

hello there bubs! before i start, we have things in common (which i thought is interesting) as morbid as it may sound i love love crimes documentaries and reading about them, and also cats!

the two characters i pair you with are the first characters that popped in my head and thought, yeah, you guys may work out. so for jjk i pair you with:

Gojo Satoru: you mentioned about being random and talkative and i thought that's quite similar to gojo our boy. i bet he can handle your randmoness and overall amiable personality. gojo doesn't mind gory and morbid stuff, which it turns you are interested in. so, i do think if there's anyone is willing to listen to him rant about headless corpses and bloody curses, it's got to be you. another thing, gojo isn't the type to express himself through facial expressions. he changes the tone of his voice depending on who and what he is dealing with. since you have a skill to determine someone's mood through tone shifts, you and gojo will understand each other.

and for tokyo revengers i pair you with:

Seishu Inui: this man has a clear grasp of reality, had a fair share of downs, and clearly knows how the underground life works. contrary to gojo, i paired you with an introverted fellow with a handful of experiences. these experiences are what made inui one of the most loyal characters i know. based from how you described yourself, i have an impression that you are kind, soft-hearted, and loving individual. hence, you deserve someone as like inui.

thanks for joining and thank for the kind words you said at the latter part of your entry, it means a lot! hope you enjoyed this ♡

m.list | jjk.list | tr.list | event | event list

[funkymbtifiction]

Emotional Detachment

Wow, I really relate to your description of being emotionally detached! I feel exactly like that so often. Even good feelings like joy and a sense of achievement can vanish in the blink of an eye.

In regard to Ukraine, I have had emotional discussions about it, and I hate to think of the suffering that Ukrainian (and many Russian) people are enduring right now because of corrupt leaders in power. On one level, the situation breaks my heart and I can’t help imagining my brothers having to send their families away while they stay to fight, or the babies of my family not having enough to eat :(

But I don’t end up sobbing over the actual situation, and I go back being to detached after the discussion. (I also, somewhat cynically, can't help thinking of all the conflicts going on in the world that are overlooked; I 100% want Ukraine to receive all possible help - I'm going to donate as much as I can myself - but it would be great if we could give this level of concern/press coverage to other people in need of aid as well).

I do sometimes feel guilty about this. But if it is not directly interfering in my life it is hard to keep up a high level of emotion (constant generalized anxiety, yes, but specific emotions that can be labeled and dealt with, no).

I’m definitely not 6w7, though. I don’t make jokes about serious things (it annoys me when people do this). 

I’m also not an ENFP because regardless of emotional detachment my opinions definitely have a "moral" slant. I try to look at topics from all sides without moralizing (a dear life-long friend lovingly hammered this approach into me through example and instruction lol), but my Fi always reacts with an instant "this is wrong/right" that I then try to work through.

Anyway, thank you for sharing about your own experience! It’s nice to think I’m not alone.

Also, you’ve really been on fire lately with the posts - lots of interesting things to think about!

Thank you!

I feel like if something doesn't grab me in the moment, it won't produce an emotional reaction and there's no way to sustain it. Many of life's events seem to trigger the same detachment that happens when I read a history book -- a sense that I can't do anything about it, so a prolonged emotional 'upset' is unnecessary. I have to be 'in the moment' with my emotions or they don't happen. It's the same way that a story grabs you and can affect your emotions -- because your instinctual emotional response can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not; that's why storytelling is immersive. It's why filmmakers humanize horrific events, by distilling them into a main character -- it's one thing to hear about a war without seeing it directly affecting you, and another to watch a main character suffer through a war in a movie, or to read about it in a book.

You can hear about people being lost in battle or taken prisoner, and feel a cold sense of "omg, that's so awful..." but it's different to watch a movie about a POW being abused and feel incredibly angry about it. I think if you really want something to stick, you have to attach it to an emotion -- which is why the news media constantly shoves people in our faces, to hammer home the injustices of the world. They want us to keep watching, to keep that sense of emotion going (anger, disbelief, resentment, hatred, whatever)... so they can sell ads for higher prices. It's high-level emotional manipulation to turn a buck. But it's also how you get people to care about a cause -- you catch them in the moment. Hook them with a sad photo and a story that tugs at your heartstrings, to get a donation or prompt them to help.

I have to wonder if we haven't been conditioned to think of our lack of prolonged emotional attachment / emotional response as a bad thing, when in reality... it's literally our mind protecting itself. You cannot operate in a heightened state of emotionalism for long periods of time, so your brain automatically reacts, then lets go, especially if there's nothing you can do about it. So long as a situation is directly impacting and ongoing, in a way that affects us, our brain deals with it, but when we can't fix it, unless we maintain that intense emotional link through obsessing over the problem (like watching the news 24/7), it lets go, because its main interest is in survival.

That being said, I do find it hard to cope with empathy fading away into a non-emotional reaction (or maybe I should say "lack of a reaction"), especially when I feel like I SHOULD be more upset about things than I wind up being. It's kind of like -- every school shooting is a horrific atrocity, but sooner or later, you stop being surprised by them, and start thinking, "... again?" And that's sad.

Some things always trigger me, though. I guess the things that my Fi feels the deepest on a consistent basis -- namely, death. I hate it, and I feel such overwhelming empathy when I hear about lost loved ones, or lost pets, or anything that has deprived someone of something that they love more than life itself. I hate that part of my brain that accepts death, after the initial shock and anger of it, and says, "Okay, they are gone... it's time to move on." Because how? Why? Why am I still functioning normally after my heart has been ripped out? How can I be "okay"? To not miss them, every minute of every day, seems like a betrayal of them, even though I know... this is normal. This is how you survive. This is how your brain puts a patch on your heart.

[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

[arcade-conspiracy]

Howdy! May I have a bnha and death note matchup please? I am a 5'4 ace/heteromantic gemini girl ambivert.Dark brown hair(peuple tips)/eyes(glasses) a little chubby/muscled and pale skin+permanent smirk or b*itch face.Sassy sarcastic a little naive/innocent,calculative,protective,creative,expressive,,tsundere,manipulative,a devil's advocate,prideful,charismatic,smartass,bookworm,daydreamer,a little insensitive/blunt because I'm more on the logical side so I don't really understand or recognize emotions,vengeful,not very touchy,mischievous,a huge tease,open minded,very curious,gets annoyed easily,impatient so kind of a bad temper,observant but not romantically,sadistic to a point but I stop myself if it's a friend.Indifferent to most things,open minded,morally...unique,I hate injustice and fight for my beliefs,trust and family issues so I never talk about my problems.Rebellious,sneaky, but I'm a chaotic good and I love cats/laughter/pranks/dark humour. With my friends I am either laughing, goofing around or annoyed. Those who don't talk to me see me as a nerd aggressive smart and blunt person (maybe even prideful) and strangers as a polite sweetheart. I have some bad habits like biting my nails/lips bcs I am always nervous, disorganized room/sleep and eating schedule plus I am lazy. I don't understand a lot of references because I find movies as predictable and borings (I never saw a marvel etc) and my style varies a lot but I never wear dresses heels/makeup. Thank you!

I’m sorry this took so long to get out, lovely! Hopefully you haven’t forgot about it by now, and that you like who I’ve chosen! 🥺💜

I match you with,,,

Mello!

I just think your personalities would meld so interestingly

Youd think you two would be quite chaotic when put together, but I think in a way, you’d cancel each other out

The normal conflicting parts of each of your personalities managing to fill in the gaps for the other person

The amount of teasing in this relationship is unreal

It’s just a constant back and forth between you two, but not in a bad way

Just encouraging each other on it because it’s fun

It’s never mean spirited, of course, just small stuff

Unless you’re okay with jokes getting personal 0-0

Sharing clothes. All I have to say

He’d barely notice if something was his or yours. He doesn’t care either

Looks cool? His now

He wouldn’t mind you stealing his clothes either. Again, he honestly would t tell the difference unless your style is wildly different to his

He thinks it’d look better on you anyway

Probably have many inside jokes based on dark humor between you two

They’re normally not spoken where anyone else can hear, though of course

He thinks your hesitation to admit your emotions, especially towards him, is cute

He’s so quick to be open with all his feelings, and so emotionally charged, it’s such a contrast

Takes the opportunity to tease you about it -every- time, just to annoy you

Would definitely be willing to find a cat for you if you really want one

He’ll proceed to deny that he even likes said cat, that he got it to make you happy and that he doesn’t care about it at all,, with the cat in his lap

TL;DR: insults as flirting? more likely than you think

Dabi!

We all know what a cynical little shit Dabi is

But when he gets around you it’s even worse

The sarcastic comments bounce between you both really well, just egging each other on

Definitely doesn’t mind your bluntness

If anything, he appreciates the fact that someone else thinks to say those things

Doesn’t make him the bad guy for pointing out the obvious all the time lol

He tends to match your protective energy

He thinks your worth the time to even worry about it, if you’re already being protective of him

Likes to just be in your vicinity

I can’t see him being too touchy himself but I can see him enjoying just being in the same room and doing your own thing

He’s also big on debate and conversation, though, so I can totally see him starting light hearted arguments to discuss and talk over

He’s also not one to show or share emotions, but he’s keen on finding other ways to let out emotions

He’d definitely make sure you’re aware of them, too, if not involve you directly

Not anything illegal, I don’t think he’d want you doing that if he actually cared for you eiseiwuwhwj

TL;DR: I feel like they plot vengeance on those that have wronged them and call it a date. Yeah. 💙

[fandom-blackhole]

Hi ! Can I request a SW male ship, please ? I'm a 24yo girl (she), INTJ. I love art history and history, studying and reading, discovering new stuff. I want to be Museum curator (top of the hierarchy), give order manage stuff and people. I have a lot of humour, a cynic/sarcastic/dad jokes one. I can be open, but I don't like to show my emotions, I use the second degree. I'm very protective to close people, and kind of Gandalf/Willow Grandmother who gives advice to my friends. Thank you very much

Hi ! I'm the one who request a SW ship (INTJ curator dad jokes), I forgot to precise, can it be a clone&co ship (Rex, Boba, Cody, Wolffe, etc...) ? Thank you very much !! :D

Hello! 

I ship you with Commander Cody!

The two of you are the definition of a power couple. Between the two of you there is enough ‘get shit down and take no shit’ attitude that you both are able to keep almost everyone on track. The entire 212th look up to you and go to you for advice, especially if it things concerning things other than being a soldier or clone because these poor boys don’t really understand how civilian things work. After a while I feel like Cody and you will be dubbed the Mom and Dad of the 212th battalion. I feel like Cody also has a very dry sense of humor so the both of you would mesh really well there. Cody may roll his eyes at your jokes, but he will think they are funny and shoot back with a sarcastic comment. Cody is also someone that tends to keep his emotions to himself, but when it comes to you he likes to do little things to show that he cares. Something like picking up random things while on missions and bringing them back to you because they remind him of you. It also really warms his heart to see you love and care for his brothers, and when you act protective of both them and him in public when other civilians make comments it makes him proud to be able to call you his. He also likes to have you with him while he fills out forms and reports. When you are there he likes having you talk about your passions and what you are doing while he’s been gone, you always make the the times and work fly by.

For dates, Cody likes to take you out to 79s for drinks and to just relax and chat away from all of his responsibilities, and his jedi general and his former padawan. He likes just having you there with him, whether you both are in a booth alone, or he can convince you to sit in his lap while sitting with his brothers. Some nights though he likes to go home with you and skip 79s and just relax with you. His favorite nights are when you let him pull you into a shared bath where he can just hold you until the water goes cold. 

I hope you like this! Sorry it took so long, this week has been rough! Also you sound a lot like me lol! I was also going into museum curating right before I changed my major (I still love history and art though)