#i'm being destroyed emotionally
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cursed or not
#supernatural#supernatural fanart#castiel#dean winchester#deancas#dean x castiel#destiel#fanart#spn#spn fanart#watching spn for the first time#i'm being destroyed emotionally
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Not me on dating sites trying to fill the hole that Loumand has left behind. Not me at all
#it's pathetic but idk what else to do#that couple has destroyed me#this is why I don't like tragedies#I can't emotionally escape them#here I was perfectly happy being more or less single(give or take a couple of tertiary girlfriends)#and now I'm just like#someone fill this romantic and kinky void in me#please#interview with the vampire#iwtv#loumand#otp: I want you more than anything in the world#humor#iwtv humor
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First No.6, then Banana Fish, and now Good Omens! (;´д`)ゞ I just finished watching good omens and I was so hoping they'd end up together and NO?? (ಥ_ಥ) Why do all the good shows I like end up being doomed yaoi.
#This is the exact reason I'm afraid to watch alien stage.#i love being emotionally destroyed everytime( و ᐖ )人(ᐛ ╯)#Pls recommend more#a tad silly#good omens#no.6#no.6 anime#banana fish#doomed yaoi#doomed romance#we're all doomed#gay#lgbtq#lgtbqia+#queer
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Sometimes I wish I was Mettaton and could just be a sultry voiced, preppy pink robot femboy with enough gender to destroy entire civilizations and whenever i feel like it just flip a switch and turn into a literal box
#typing this while I'm having ass destroying diarrhea#i need to distract myself okay#even the mildest of spicy foods are kryptonite to me physically and emotionally#another perk of being Mettaton is that I wouldn't have to fuCKING SHIT--#drye rambles#undertale#update: I feel disemboweled.
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#there's no way i could ever have another pet bc this has destroyed me in unimaginable ways#despite him being old and his health declining the past three or so years#we did everything we could to keep him around and healthy but his little body just couldn't do it anymore#i love him so much i hope he wasn't in pain#i regret not saying goodbye when my mom told me to before he went to the hospital friday but i was in denial#we held out all weekend to see if the treatment would work but he was just so weak my dad gave them the go-ahead to stop it today#idk if they've put him to sleep yet but we're assuming so since my dad is gonna go pick up his collar tomorrow#i cried so much last night because i just had a feeling today would be it#and then i woke up this morning and already had tears in my eyes#this is gonna be. another long grieving process and i'm already so tired from losing my sister last year#when does it fucking end lol like when do i get to the other side#i'm just exhausted. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted#he's such a big extension of me like who tf am i without my dog i'm nothing he's all i had
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plot heavy codywan fic rec
I have so many words to say about this fic so let’s start by getting to the main points ;
https://archiveofourown.org/works/38064841
Rasphody in Blue by @kckenobi (88k words) is one hell of a fic that I will recommend until the day I wither and die. If you’re looking for a modern setting au with investigations, crime, orchestras, jazz, a very well-paced story, betrayal, angst, themes of loneliness and grief, found-family, look no further!! No really! Gods, go read it, right now, I BEG YOU. I cannot fathom how it doesn’t have more kudos than it already has.
Now onto a more chaotic review of me dumping my thoughts on it in a random order directed at the author. I should’ve left it as a comment really, but now I’ve written it here it’s too late, oh well. Read, don’t read, it doesn’t contain any major spoilers, but if you’d rather have less information of the fic and go into it blind, then maybe don’t read it haha
- Firstly, GODS, the plot hooks. From the first chapter I was on the edge of my metaphorical seat. (I was in my bed.) Seriously, the plot hooks are so well placed I could not put it down. (I finished it at 2am. I didn’t even go to my class this morning I was too tired. But that’s on me. It is as much a demonstration of how captivating the story is as it is of my poor decision making.) The pace was so wonderful, seriously. I always picture a movie in my head when I read something, and with your writing it was so easy to do so, the perfect balance of dialogue, introspection, descriptions! Argh!
- How you wrote loneliness. (’you’ meaning the author, if you’re reading this.) Okay to be fair those themes get to me, they always have, but let me tell you, I was bawling. I had to put down the fic because my eyes were too blurry to read. You bastard. I hate you but I love you. Arghdvjfd. The part that went “The thing about loneliness is that in the end, it is a more loyal companion than anyone else has ever been. It becomes a shell you settle into, something familiar. Not a home, no longer a prison either. But a skin, something you reside within without really thinking about it, a barricade that walls off your heart from the rest of the world” Do you live in my head??!!! You got it exactly right. You little shit I had to sit out the fic for two minutes it stole the breath outta me!! I cried!! Again!! Are you okay?? Because I sure am not!!
From the first few sentences I was in love with the whole orchestra setting. Oh my gods. All of it is so perfectly woven with the characters. (Cellist Obi-wan is now one of my all time favorite Obi-wans. It’s just so perfect.) I can just imagine all of the scene translated into a movie/tv show with one of those scenes where the classical music, shots of the character playing their instrument and shots of the dramatic action are superposed. So wonderful. I am also weak for the whole ‘your passion is there for you no matter how bad things get’. And how music was always there no matter all the GUT WRENCHING TERRIBLE ANGSTY SHIT Obi-wan goes through. Can relate to that.
#fic rec#star wars fic rec#star wars#fanfic#codywan#codywan fic#please read it#i'm begging you#i need to know i'm not the only one being emotionally destroyed by this fic#i will drag all of you with me in the angst spiral
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There are two wolves inside of me.
One wants a canon year on the run novel. The other never wants anything about that year to become canon so that it can be whatever I want.
#tbh i think it would be more thematically appropriate to leave it alone???#just something about them both being reserved and private people#and that year being something that's just for them#that they don't talk about#idk#i'm also kind of anxious that any material that gets released might erase the aspec coding from Padawan which would emotionally destroy me#and not in a good way#obitine#obi wan kenobi#sw#star wars#satine kryze#tcw#the clone wars
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just finished reading the hunger games trilogy and when i tell you it changed me
#screaming my head off#it destroyed me emotionally SO MUCH#but the writing is soooo good oh my god.#absolute blast#yet. i hate suzanne collins for supporting israel#honestly - SPOILER#the scene in book 3 where the capitol blew up a fucking hospital reminded me so much about the horrible crimes happening in gaza#and knowing collins got her inspo from the iraqi war (which i know quite a lot of#being born in iraq with iraqi parents)#i really hoped shed be aware of the shit going on and a supporter of palestine#because GOD the parallels are so?? strong??#mind you one of them is a bestselling dystopian trilogy and the other IS A GENOCIDE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.#i'm still enjoying the hunger games as a media - but i definetly am not a supporter of collins#uhhh yeah sorry for the politics rant#hamocrap
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Unpopular opinion but I was actually kind of underwhelmed by Dune Messiah? Like I get that the whole intent behind writing it was to show that Paul was Wrong, but I was kind of expecting him to be worse? I think - for me at least - because we don't actually see any of the war and only the aftermath it just hits less. And I know all the guilt and moral struggle and "what have I done" - ness was technically there, it just didn't really resonate as hard as I'd hoped it would. I didn't *dislike* it, it's just funny because from what I've seen a lot of people did dislike it because it shows how dark Paul got, but for me I was like...I kind of wanted you to be worse my guy
#dune#dune messiah#like. i hate saying 'show don't tell' but I kind of think that's what i'm sensing here.#which actually is a reason why I think the change with chani in the movies really works#to cement what he's doing wrong on a singular person - especially one he loves so much - makes it hit harder#'he had 60 billion people killed' 'he destroyed 90 planets' ok but huge out there numbers like that don't really resonate with me#they're *too* hard to imagine and connect to#those are sci-fi numbers.#but a personal connection to someone he deeply loves being severed due to his actions#and having her outwardly voice *why* what he's doing is wrong grounds it and makes it easier to connect with emotionally#and that loss and guilt becomes more clear through that as well too#idk idk
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so that surprise song mashup, huh
I AIN'T GOTTA TELL HIM I THINK HE KNOWS HE'S GORGEOUS !!!!! 😭😭😭
They are everything to me she has no idea but she did that for me I stg ✋😭
#AND I LOVE THIS SM 😭😭#AUGH I'M SO NORMAL (lie)#ugh the way they just are lover and reputation too like fuck#like reputation is hard shelled and mean and scary on the outside but on the inside she's so emotional and vulnerable and kind and loving#the hard shell is a facade and it gives me chazz how he was at the beginning like his inauthentic self he had to be around others#as a way to cope with the pressure from his brothers and try and accomplish what they demanded of him#but in actuality he's a really sweet kid and is such a hopeless romantic and is just such a vulnerable soul who feels very deeply#but doesn't understand how to express that or to recieve it from others because of how emotionally stunted and neglected he was for so long#like he's so reputation to me#and atticus being lover is just so right too like lover is happy and glittery and colorful and fun and there's so much love there#but is also anxious and scared of losing that love and it's a deceptively sad album#and atticus is much the same as a person like he's summer incarnate that's what I always say and he loves so much and cares for everyone#so so much to the point where it can be self destructive for him. but that's just it he destroys himself with his love for others#I go back to him saying that nobody needs him anymore and that there's no one to protect after everyone is taken by darkness in season 4#and how sad he is like he doesn't have a purpose anymore. he's afraid of losong the people that he loves#because they are his purpose for being at this point. he's been through so much and had his entire sense of self so shaken for a while#it's kinda fucked actually#but anyway.... atticus would also unironically adore ME!#hey kids spelling is fun indeed 😏#I didn't mean to go off like that was not what I was expectinf myself to do but okay queen go off akaksksk#ugh they are my everything 😭#yugioh gx#chazz princeton#jun manjoume#atticus rhodes#fubuki tenjoin#stormshipping#taylor swift#aberooski asks
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Bestie and I went to Bryce Canyon this weekend. We're on that Red Dead shit again 💕
#I'm very sore now but it was worth it#and the best part of being in a car with your friend for 10 hours is you guys can make playlists designed to emotionally destroy each other#:)#litchrally so beautiful these pics don't do it justice
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did i accidentally purchase two fall mugs and a cute little ghost ? listen
#* temp tag / ooc.#they all hopped into my hands#and it was so rainy and fall-y today#now i'm listening to hoz.iers new album with my bean and emotionally being destroyed#so u know#i might get some writing done after :P
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I shouldn't have seen that scheduled post now I'm thinking about them like I haven't been thinking about them for the past week, month
#I want to contact them so bad#but I can't#I want to believe it's salvageable but who am I kidding I'm out of their life am I not ?#I miss them so much#why do I have to be mentally ill ? why am I like this ? if I were just normal it would have worked#we would still be friends we would still be talking or I could have held on longer and waited longer#I wish I could know they're happy I wish that could be enough but it's a good start#one of you could tell me but we don't talk enough to ask that#I miss them man...I miss them#it felt like they made me better helped me get out of myself a little out of my comfort zone#i'm scared of reading old texts i'm scared of seeing what i lost the connection the amazing person they are bc my brain can't work#and i don't know how to handle it without destroying everything around me#maybe my brother is right i am just a manipulative hypocritical emotionally abusive fuck and I have nothing to do here#maybe I am just a terrible person trying to be the victim maybe what i'm feeling is just what i deserve for being a bad person to others
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Ah. Good ol' Witch Hunting. Great. Not a first for this website mind you, but it's coming back with a vengeance uh? It's both fascinating, maddening and incredibly terrifying to witness.
It's the equivalent of being part of a neighborhood, and have some rando you've never seen before knock at your door and tell you to hate upon your neighbor. Neighbor you see regularly, to whom you might even have said hi before. Neighbor you might even have had barbecues with. Neighbor that you definitively you know better than this absolute stranger. Stranger who tells you to join them to the next gathering to discuss on the back of the neighbor. Ultimately,what the stranger wants from you is to arm yourself with pitches and forks, to follow them like a hound to it's master. They want you to go Witch Hunting. But there is no witch. there is no witch If you follow them, you'll just become someone else's dog (in the unsexy way, I know you website) and you're going to hurt someone who's potentially innocent.
"But sometimes there IS a witch" Look. I've seen people witch hunt those who were morally dubious. Do you know how it ended for them? They got witch hunted themselves. Because they angered people who were already sacks of shits, of course these same people would have had no problem using the same tactics, with more precision even. Because while a person with good intentions might try to find proofs of the other's amorality, their target won't. They just will generate rumors. Much quicker that way. It cannot be stressed enough. Witch Hunt does not care for truth. It's a way to weaponize rumors and information, and galvanize people and encourage them to hurt someone else. It's the recipe of basic propaganda. It is terrifying. Because it's so easy for people to get swept in it. So easy for people to follow the idea of hating someone. They wish harm on people they don't even know. How easily weaponized they become and don't even care that they're being manipulated. They're persuaded they're doing good by a community and get to be part of it this way. But this is...The thing I cannot understand, cannot compute is this is this. Why do these people never question their actions when it comes to hurting someone? Why do these people not wonder *if* they're wrong? Is it that scary to acknowledge it? Or are they scared to be shown as an enemy too, choosing a side to not get hurt themselves? The terror of being hurt and alone. Is it what it is about? They inflict that on others to be sure it doesn't happen to them? So they are part of a group? That sounds incredibly exhausting if it is. ...There are some people who are depraved or even dangerous on the internet. In real life. Yeah ok true. But this? It is a weapon. And it can easily be turned against anyone. Even those who are doing it for the 'right' reasons.
Hey, let's talk about anons like this, because I know some people haven't been in a position to see the patterns these play out in on broader scale and may indeed not spot the trap.
And it is a trap.
An ask like this has several purposes.
First, it uses social justice language in passive aggressive and manipulative ways to try to coerce a behavior. In this case, the desired behavior is usually for the recipent to participate in community shunning and/or harrassment. The language above is intended to put the recipient on the defensive where, in the haste to disassociate themself from the Bad Thing, they quickly disassociate themself from the bad person, often with no particular fact checking or evidence.
The message is also intended to create a sense of being surveilled and judged by an unknown amount of people with unknown amount of social power and an unknown amount of relevance to your life.
Notice that these asks are usually framed as if they are coming from a follower or potential follower, someone who is addressing you personally and who cares about your opinion and who your blog has an effect on. However this is usually.... very much not the case. If you've ever had the misfortune to watch a gossip campaign from like this from the outside, you will very quickly notice that messages like this get sent in mass batches to dozens and dozens of strangers. (You can often turn these up with a tumblr search, if you look.)
The sender does not know you and probably does not follow you. They have a person they don't like (possibly for their stated reason and possibly not), and they are going through the reblogs of a post from that blog and mass messaging *everyone* with a form letter. They will not see your response and they will probably never even see your blog again.
Which brings us to the second goal of whisper campaigns like this:
Notice that I blacked out the names above? That's because when the recipient answers anonymous asks like this, they provide a platform for the opinion on their blog. An anonymous message like this that gets posted doesn't just spread gossip and apply pressure to the recipient, it is spread to the recipient's entire community.
The *goal* is to get access to your community. The *goal* is to use you as a soapbox.
Is the information accurate? Did anyone check? Does the anon have an ulterior social motive? BIG SHRUG
If you go into the comments on one of these whisper campaigns you will see that *most people never bother to check.*
They assume good faith from a follower, they're off balance defending themselves, and they jump straight to conciliation.
It's a really, really effective form of social manipulation, and really really commonly misused.
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rewatching Haikyuu dying from nostalgia both from when I played football and when my high school friends bullied me via comparing me to Oikawa
#none of us knew I was being compared to an argento back then but it became even more offensive#I was no genius but I was good before I destroyed my knee right at the end of middle school...#never really recovered from that injury. mixture of money and time issues but also just. not recovering emotionally#but now I'm being thrown to watch the local kids bunch of girls have been asking me for tips. and every time I do it I wake up with pain all#over because I totally lost my physical conditioning but hmmm. maybe.#I've managed to start dancing forró again. and I've been walking more#some days I get pains that put me on bed. but on others I do feel good#we actually found a woman to pick up the capoeira project for my relative's terreiro which honestly was a relief#but maybe I could play again
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As much as I love my racha line, I doubt I could have healthy relationships with any of them skskskksk.
#hyunjin and jisung are too cool with themselves being emotionally destroyed by the people they love#and i think seungmin and minho and i would clash too much personalities wise#it would just not work with any of them for varying reasons longterm probably#if I'm being real i probably have the best shot with hyunjin and jisung but i could see it devolving into an unhealthy mess lmao#my scorpio venus would simply not allow me to be healthy especially with men like them 👍🏾 /lh#rj talks
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