#i'm back on my bullshit take 34

[ddelline]

fic OST | circulus vitiosus (salva mea)

blurb | bc it’s me ofc there’s a fic OST to be had! posting this in the wake of publishing part 1, despite having 2 more parts to both write & post. well. anyway: hereby the music which serves as the inspirational foundation for circulus vitiosus (salva mea), or as it’s colloquially called: time loop!fic. may contain vague, conceptual spoilers for what’s to come in parts 2 and 3 (though not that much bc everything herein is pretty consistently dark & foreboding, lol) what | 30 tracks which may or may not be arranged according to in-fic events & which fail to stick any sort of genre-bound landing, feat everything from broken beat avant garde electronica → triphop → psychedelic rock → classic r&b, plus some delicious instrumental electric guitar bits playlist → spotify tracklist | under cut

01 | VTSS — why we don’t deserve nice things

instr

02 | tzusing — 戴綠帽 (wear green hat)

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03 | aphex twin — formula

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04 | the dead weather — will there be enough water?

will there be enough water when my ship comes in? water when my ship comes in? will there be water when my ship comes in?

05 | gustavo santaolalla — the hunters

instr

06 | wax tailor — ungodly fruit

perhaps those who may be among us for the first time may be wondering what is going to happen now

07 | djuma soundsystem — les djinns (trentemøller remix)

instr

08 | DJ shadow — what does your soul look like, pt. 2

in a few moments you will have an experience which will seem completely real it will be the result of your subconscious fears transformed to your conscious awareness you have five seconds to terminate this tape five, four, three, two, one

09 | nicolas jaar — john the revelator 

now who art worthy, crucified and holy bound up for some, son of our god daughter of zion, judea’s lion

10 | ethel cain — two-headed mother

I’ve loved before, I’ll kill again you’re just the worst of all my men I’m not gonna pull you out the den

11 | regis — broken on the wheel

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12 | restive plaggona — lonely people after midnight

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13 | shudan — jiangshi

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14 | teeth of the sea — field punishment

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15 | parrish smith — fader

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16 | thom yorke — harrowdown hill

did I fall or was I pushed? did I fall or was I pushed? and where’s the blood? and where’s the blood?

17 | TENDER — machine

you cut me open, and pull me apart a hollow chest instead of a heart control, control me you do what you want with me, baby till I am spent, I’m so content

18 | BANKS — 27 hours

it’s been twenty seven hours since we even saw the sun

19 | deaf bones — only lovers left alive

instr

20 | parrish smith — sex, suicide & speed metal

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21 | low — poor sucker

some poor sucker at the bottom of the lake took the wrong way up when the ground began to break it’s a long way back that’s the price you gotta pay

22 | sade — long hard road

there’s a long hard road ahead but a voice inside me said said there’s something that you need to know it’s gonna to be alright

23 | massive attack, tricky & 3D — take it there

we’ll take it there, but take your time we’ll take it there, you’ll lose your mind

24 | plaid & björk — lilith

the moon it guides me on baby there’s absolutely no doubt

25 | sneaker pimps — lightning field

hope’s the child of what luck brings points to faith in higher things ask me now fire at everything at once strike me down

26 | mew — one flew over, one was destroyed

do you remember what made you fall? and does it matter to you at all?

27 | amor satyr — que dançar?

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28 | manni dee & akiko haruna — frowzy

a couple hours means nothing in the dark in the end the choice was never ours

29 | faithless, rollo armstrong & sister bliss — salva mea

I wanna take a look at the world behind these eyes every nook, every cranny reorganize realize my face don't fit the way I feel what's real?

30 | hozier — first light

the sky set to burst the gold and the rust the colour erupts you filling my cup the sun coming up

[heartfullofleeches]

do you ever just feel like an old man browsing tumblr because youre so behind? liek everyone was fixtated on puppyboy reader and fast food reader and ALL the readers and i wasnt and now im fixtated on fast food reader while everyones now fixtated on lacey and lucy T_T

If u want to could u do a scenario where fast food reader gets kidnapped? Make it as short as u want i just wanna read smth fromyou lol

Bound and unable to move - you lay motionless on the dirty floor of some unmarked van; counting the blood splatters on the ceiling to pass the time. 32, 33, 34 - wow, these guys are really serious. Being kidnapped by hardened criminals would've gotten you a win on the bingo card of all the fucked things happen to you on the job - if you hadn't already been kidnapped twice this week. It just had to be a Friday too. Your boss will use this little encounter to drag you back in for the weekend due to "concerns for your safety" or whatever other bullshit they make up to keep you on duty. Speaking of staff - why haven't they saved you yet?

"They're too loud. Shut them up."

You're about seventy percent sure these guys aren't telepathic... It's when one of the crooks tells you they aren't that you come to the conclusion that you've been talking out loud this whole time. A faint riiip sounds from the passenger seat as the one sitting in it stands, duct tape in hand. You plant your feet against the wall, pushing yourself upright as they approach.

"Before you do this - just know the only reason you all are still alive is probably because my coworkers are placing rock paper scissors to see who gets to keep your spines. You'll honestly be lucky if you die here."

The kidnappers eyes narrow behind their mask. As their foot draws back, static coming from the radio stops them from bring it down on your chest. They turn as the driver findles with the radio as the static crackles and pops from its speakers, bashing his fist against the dashboard.

"Why won't this fucking thing turn off!"

A familiar voice overlaps with the static.

"Over come with guilt for their wrongdoings, the driver takes the gun from the glove compartment and places it against his temple - pulling the trigger. The employee closes their eyes, and keeps them closed until they are free"

Your eyes clamp shut right as the driver reaches for the glove compartment. They catch a glimpse of the man placing the gun against the side of his head - a loud bang causing you to squeeze them tighter. Chaos erupts soon after - as if there wasn't enough already. Before the surviving crooks had time to process what just happened, the entire van quakes with the reverberating boom of something large hitting it from outside. The back door is torn from its hinges, cold air seeping through like blood from a fresh wound. You hear the kidnappers raise their guns and voices in defense, weapons tumbling to the floor as as sharp metal scrapes along the walls of the van. A wet snout presses against your cheek - heavy tongue licking the sweat from your damp skin.

"I'm okay, Lambchop. The ropes are a little tight, but I'm unharmed otherwise. Please go easy on them."

The mascot snorts in response. At least you tired. Two pairs of hands pick you up off the floor of the van and drags you out as the first scream tears through the bitter night. You feel weightless as they carry you back inside and sit you down in a booth. One set of hands checks your face, hands and every exposed inch of skin for bruises or scratches. The others gentle cup your cheeks.

"Y/n, open your eyes."

"I physically can't until you untie me."

Your chest becomes lighter as the ropes fall off you. The first sight you see as you reopen your eyes is the janitor pocketing their pocket knife and the concern in the succubus' gaze as she removes her hands from your face. The Janitor is the first to speak.

"Are you okay?"

You rub at the rings around your wrist. "Probably would've had my chest caved in if the Storyteller didn't bail me out, but I'm okay now."

The janitor's hands tighten into fists. The succubus' eyes dark so deeply they turn near black, but she hides her anger behind a sweet smile.

"Well since you're okay we'd better it going. I'm sure the ball pit hands can help you relax better than you could."

"Where are you two heading?"

The janitor speaks up for her. "We're going back outside. I need to get my spines before Lambchop completely turns their bodies into paste."

[rosenclaws]

Can I request 15 and 34 from the fluff prompt list with either Logan or Charlie, please? Congrats on 600!! 💙💛💙💛💙💛💙💛

Join my 600 Follower celebration!!

15 - “I’m asking because I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

34 - “I shouldn’t be allowed to be this happy.”

a/n: Thank you for requesting!!! Funny enough though they're both fluff prompts this somehow turned angsty dasflk;j im so sorry i do it to myself

He's hiding something. You know he is. Logan has just been different. I mean he was always grumpy and short tempered but this was something else. You thought, or well you had hoped that your time in the void had really bonded you.

You were trash from another universe while he had gotten dragged through hell by Wade. He got you and you got him. You were a failure to your universe so they pruned you. Logan was the worst variant of Wolverine. Something felt nice about having someone else who was the worst with you.

Ever since you landed in Wade's universe you had only gotten closer. Both of you picking up odd jobs for money until you finally landed a steady bakery job. Horribly early hours and lots of hard work but it meant you could be home by lunch. Logan was often out late too. He wouldn't tell you what he was doing but he came back with enough rent money so you didn't question him. You used to eat lunch together. It was a way to make sure the both of you were actually taking care of yourselves. It wasn't anything fancy. Just sandwiches or pasta or something easy.

But for some reason Logan has been avoiding you. Constantly. To the point where he'd leave the room if you were there. It was really starting to bug you. You don't know what's going on with him. You catch him staring sometimes. His eyes are worn and broken. When you try and approach him they harden right back up and he stalks away. It was infuriating.

You finally reached your boiling point when you came home early from work one day. Your back aching and you're dead tired. You lean your forehead against the door, just taking a moment. Then you hear him laugh. You know it's him. He's got this unmistakable snort that he tries to hide but he can't. So he's just avoiding you, no one else. Its you. You're the problem and you don't understand why. In a fit of anger you slam the door open.

"Out! Everyone except for you." You point at Logan. The room clears quickly. Wade opens his mouth to say something but you glare with a ferocity so strong he shuts up.

"Good luck kitty cat!" He whisper yells before hurrying out the door.

"What?" Logan grumbles, his eyes averting to the ground. You scoff and throw your things on the couch.

"What is your problem? You've been avoiding me."

"Why do you fucking care? Not like we were close anyways." He asks with a roll of his eyes.

"Bullshit Logan. I'm asking because I’ve seen the way you look at me. I see you across the room look so sad but the moment I even take a step you're back to this shit." You gesture to his closed off stance.

He's running from you and you demand to know why. He puffs out his chest and stands up. Mumbling about how ridiculous this is and tries to walk away from you.

"Logan! For fucks sake!" You follow him, your anger morphing into confusion as he continues to run.

"Just tell me what I did?!" Your voice breaks as the desperation comes out. You just want him back.

"Nothing!" He growls as he turns back to face you. Slamming his hand against the wall. You jump as he cages you in. He's breathing hard as he stares at you. This is the closest you've been in weeks.

"Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong." His voice is softer, sadder.

"There has to be something Logan. I miss you." He sighs and clenches his fist.

Fuck he thought he could avoid this. That he could get you to run away before he fucked it all up but for some reason you're still here.

"I shouldn’t be allowed to be this happy. I mean just look at me.” Logan thinks so low of himself. He always has. He's a fucked up lost cause. Everyone he cares about dies or gets hurt and its always his fault.

"You make me happy." He confesses.

You make him feel unlike anything else. Like he's not the monster he was. You look at him and he just, smiles. It's weird and strange and a feeling he's not used to. It scares him to his core.

"Man you really are stupid." You say in disbelief.

"I...What?" Logan looks confused but you grab his face and kiss him.

He stumbles back in surprise but ends up taking control quickly. Pushing you against the wall and digging his hands into your hips.

"You make me happy too Logan, so please don't run away from me."

You comb your fingers through his hair as you tug him closer to you. He closes his eye as he leans his forehead on yours. The urge to shut you out is there, listening would be easier but there's a chance at real happiness right in in front of him and he'd be a fool to ignore it.

"Fuck it." He grabs your waist and pulls you tight. Smashing his lips onto yours in a messy kiss.

He can be selfish, just this once.

Just for you.

[thatfrenchacademic]

OK so about this "34, unmarried and childless" article about Taylor Swift. Let me tell you about Scam Academia.

TL;DR: some mediocre dude had a half baked opinio nabout Taylor Swift that everyone hated, but like Mother Nature I let nothing go to waste.

Here is the take you have not heard yet, about this opinion: this guy is actually a good case study on how to develop your academic literacy, aka how to recognize a true academic from a scammer who presents themselves as an academic, but is just a crook. In a world of pseudoscience and pretend experts that have enough resources to organize their flat earth conference, let me walk you through the world of Scam Academic, where for a few thousand dollars, you too can claim to be a researcher with a doctorate! Follow me down a rabbit hole that I hate with my whole heart!

Preamble: I have zero skin in the TS game. I don't get the hype, the lore, the obsession with those 2000s bracelet or dissecting every single line or every single song.

But then. Some guy had to write an op-ed stating Taylor Swift was not a good role model for girls ("in the US and beyond"), and it is a terrible take on so many level, but here is the thing. Whiny conservative think-pieces about highly successful women who should get back to the kitchen and think of the children are nothing new. But this one is different.

This one is fucking terribly written. It's just an abysmally written blog post. Genuinely one of the worst thing I have ever read, and I read hundreds of undergrad essays every year for a living. It contradicts its own arguments in every paragraph. It over-explains concepts like it's a high school essay and he's trying to meet the word count. It says "this is a valid question worth asking" but does not actually explain why it is worth asking. It is so, so, so bad.

Conservative writers are usually more the "high brow, drowning you in grandstanding" kind of writers. They are, usually, good technical writers - it's the one thing that helps make their talking point sound legit and palatable. So an abysmally bad conservative writer? Ok, I am intrigued.

The author is one John Mac Ghlionn. I look up the guy on Google and...

Oh.

Oh no, John.

Spewing conservative bullshit at women AND a researcher? You're in my turf now, John. You could have continued to cover UFC Pillow Fight Championships, or alien technology and other riveting subjects, but you had try to connect two brain cells to argue a thing, and slap "researcher" on top of it. Now I'm offended, as a researcher.

1. I am sorry, researcher WHERE?

Ok so if one is a "researcher", it means one conduct "research". and contrary to what backyard conspiracy theorists think, "researcher" is an actual job. It is an actual professional occupation. You get an actual contract, and you are paid actual money. By an actual employer: public (University), private (Think tank, private company), or a mix of both (at Unviersity, but on a privately funded project, for example).

So where does our John Mc Ghlionn work?

Well. Nowhere, as far as I can tell.

John does not list any affiliation. Usually, when they write, academics will state their exact position (Researcher, Doctoral Researcher, Associate Professor, Chief Engineer, Head of Department, Research Director...) and where they work. For example:

That's what it is supposed to look like.

But John? Nope, no affiliation anywhere, on anything he ever published. That's a pretty massive read flag. Research takes ressources: at the very least, time and access to database and documentation, even in social sciences in humanities. You may not need a lab, but you sure as hell need money and full access to JStore at least.

So I thought he was just one of these "I google therefore I research" kind of dude. But then, out of nowhere:

I am sorry. He has a WHAT.

2. I am sorry, a Doctorate from WHERE?

So. One thing to claim to be a researcher when you are just a professional yapper. Another to claim a DIPLOMA.

And not any diploma. A doctorate.

Let's pause. "Doctorate" is actually a really broad umbrella term of all doctoral-level degrees. The most famous (and most prestigious, for better and worse) is the PhD, but a PhD is technically just one of many Research Doctorate of, theoretically, the same level (cue this helpful reddit post). A second category of doctorates are the Applied Doctorates, and while there is Discourse on where they sit vis-a-vis PhD, the easiest is to consider that they are not research-oriented. They are hands-on, practice-oriented degrees. For example: you can practice medicine with an MD. You don't need a PhD. You can still call yourself a doctor, though.

Alright, so which of these does our friend Johnnie has? Or is currently enrolled in? And in which University?

You will notice that John does not go by "John Mac Ghlionn PhD" or even "Dr John Mac Ghlionn", when you just KNOW he is the sort of person that would but that shit everywhere. And no shade here, because I, for one, do put that shit everywhere. Maybe he is just currently enrolled in a program and has not graduated. Fair.

Since John does not list affiliation, I had to switch from academic to internet sleuth, and dig out this article:

But we learn that in 2021, John was a "PhD Scholar" in "Parkmore Institute". "PhD Scholar" is not a title I am sued to, but it's also not raising any red flag: ongoing PhD researchers can be "PhD students", "PhD fellows", "PhD researchers"... It varies from country to country and from institution to institution, so why not "PhD Scholar".

Let's check out the Parkmore Institute.

Ok, they are not a traditional university, but they appear to be more of a postgraduate institution: offering only higher level degrees, not undergrad courses. Once again, not necessarily a red flag. They are usually very heavily research focused, and embrace the "research" side of academia more than the "teaching" side. In Germany, the Max Planck Institutes are research-only institutions who deliver PhDs. They conduct cutting edge research, in part because their researchers rarely have to spend time teaching.

But that is NOT the Parkmore Institute. First of all, let's see what programs they offer:

None of them are legit.

And I mean, none of them are recognize as even Applied/Professional Doctorate by the National Science Foundation (US based). And while a PhD in Human sexuality would be perfectly valid, but I'm going to on a limb and say I have some serious doubts about "Bodymind Healing" as an academic field.

These are not legit academic degrees.

What they are, is an excellent money-making opportunity for anyone working at the Parkmore institute. Students will pay, at the very least:

And 60% of this goes to their " faculty mentor". The Parkmore institute provides no research fund, no desk or office space (they are entirely digital), no access to any resources or library, not even a Zoom account. There is also no mention of any timeline: how long a PhD take to complete? Who knows. 6 months ? A year ? 5 years? What are the requirements to graduate ? Who knows ! And I would need to pay $200 to get in touch with them, so I sure as fuck won't know any time soon!

But let's get back to our friend John. Remember that he stated, in that 2021 publication, he was a "PhD Scholar" at Parkmore ? Well that's a shame because Parkmore does not deliver PhDs. Ain't that a bitch.

ALSO. Parkmore helpfully has page with all their Doctoral Recipients! And guess who is NOT HERE ! That's right, our Johnnie !

How can this be ? Well, three possibilities:

John is still not done with a PhD. After 4 years ? In a crank university where I am pretty sure I can submit the first draft of a litt review and graduate ? Nah

John never completed the thing. Boo, that would mean that John is lying, when he says he has a doctorate. Bad, bad.

John did graduate, and obtained his doctorate in [scrolls back to check] psychosocial studies, and then was not put on the website or was withdrawn some time before today, as Parkmore institute ended their affiliation with him, as per this bit in their application form

A shame, really. If John had been affiliated with the Parkmore Institute, it would give a shred of legitimacy to anything he writes to anyone just skimming.

Now, I would love to get in touch with the Parkmore Institute and ask to see John's doctoral work, which they DO have, since the application for also has this very interesting section:

(definitely very legit, very normal).

But I am not sure how I would even phrase that request without transparently going

"hey, would love to see what bullshit research is being done over there, since one of your graduate decided to go all Handmaid's tale for the last 2 years".

If anyone feels like sending that email, I am begging you to keep me in the loop.

3. Back up, back up, what's up with that article?

Remember the article where he was listed as a "PhD Fellow"?

Well, about that... No. Welcome to the world of predatory publishing, one more cog in the Bullshit Academic ecosystem.

First: not at article. It's a "commentary". Could be worth something ia good journal, but still would not be a piece of research. But that is the least of its sins.

Its sins are being published in a journal called "Sociology and Criminology-Open Access", by a publisher called "Longdom". Longdom publishing has a bunch of journals on a lot o different fields, with the particularly of being predatory; they will publish absolutely anything you send them, as long as you pay their Article Processing Charges:

There are entire lists of Predatory journals on the web, you can find on here and another here , Longdom Publishing is in both.

This is how John can publish this last minute, Redbull-and-weed-induced essay in an actual journal, with an abstract that, I kid you not, finishes with "Please find the paper attached." He slapped together a shitty essay about people in India are poorer and therefore more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits and therefore engage in corruption, purely base on vibes. It does not even deserve be given any consideration, not even to be debunked. There is nothing to be debunked. This would be a failing grade for a 1st year intro class.

CONCLUSION

On the surface, John Mac Ghlionn is the poster boy of failed edgelords who really wish they were Jordan Peterson, but unfortunately are just Doug, the guy for 10th grade who failed the Literature class and decided it was because litterature was too woke today anyway.

Beneath the surface, John is a case study in Scam Academia, and the proof that no matter how bad actual academia is, Scam Academia can always get worse.

A quick checklist to go through whenever someone claims be a researcher, an academic, a fellow, a doctor, a PhD or anything of the sort:

What is their affiliation? Is this a legitimate organization?

Do they have a PhD? Another doctorate degree? From where?

Have they published ? Where is it published?

[scarletlizzard]

So apparently I hit 500 followers? Thank you to everyone who follows and has interacted with my fics!! 🥳

I thought this would be fun to celebrate? I have a list of random dialogue that y'all could pick from to send me. Ranges from everywhere to fluff, angst, NSFW, etc. And I'll write a little short something for it!

Feel free to pick a number or few to send or you could be specific with who you want or a specific trope or plot. Anything!

Thank y'all so much, made my whole day 💕

104 Dialogue Prompts

1. "Admit it... you're in love with me."

2. "We could get arrested for this."

3. "I thought you were dead."

4. "I've missed this."

5. "You could've died."

6. "Who did this to you?"

7. "I know, I know, I'm sorry... it'll be over soon, I promise."

8. "Come back to bed."

9. "How long has it been since you slept?"

10. "Tell me where you are, I'll come get you."

11. "I still love you."

12. "Such a good girl."

13. "Open your mouth for me, baby."

14. "We have to make this quick."

15. "Beg for it."

16. "Mommy?"

17. "You're in love with them. Aren't you?"

18. "It was you? This whole time?"

19. "You know, just cause you're older don't think for one second I'm not in charge."

20. "Smile at me like that again, I'll fall in love with you."

21. "... is that a trick question?"

22. "Don't just stand there, say something."

23. "Say that again, I dare you."

24. "Fuck you." "Right now?"

25. "I'm joking! Unless..."

26. "You take me so well."

27. "What do you mean I'm dead? I'm standing right here."

28. "Please, I'm begging you. Just hear me out."

29. "Oh fuck... I'm in love with (x)." "You're just now realizing that?"

30. "What if you didn't go? What if you stayed?"

31. "You like it rough, don't you, slut?"

32. "Flowers?"

33. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

34. "Fuck, marry, kill..."

35. "Truth or dare?"

36. "Since when did you ever care about me?"

37. "You think I wanted this to happen? You think I wanted to fall in love with you?"

38. "May I have this dance?"

39. "I know I'm the last person you want to see, but..."

40. "I'm done! I am done waiting for you."

41. "It's okay, you're okay, I'm here. I've got you."

42. "Touch her again and see what happens."

43. "Is that a hickey?"

44. "I'm fine, it's just a bruise..."

45. "I'm going to fucking kill them."

46. "Are you sure about this?"

47. "Why are you all sweaty?"

48. "You left! You left and you didn't even think to look back. What was I supposed to do?"

49. "Well... this is awkward."

50. "You know I've been flirting with you this whole time right?"

51. "They'll never love you the way I did."

52. "If you're trying to make me jealous, it's working."

53. "Wanna bet?"

54. "Just say that you want me and I'm yours."

55. "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else."

56. "Wait you've never kissed a girl?"

57. "Where did all this attitude come from, princess?"

58. "Take my hand."

59. "Can I have your number?"

60. "You're an idiot." "Well yes, you'll have to be more specific."

61. "Quick! Pretend to be my girlfriend?"

62. "Run away with me."

63. "Are you going to be a good girl for mommy?"

64. "That collar looks so good on your pretty neck."

65. "Too bad, you're going to take every last fucking inch of me."

66. "Do you ever think before speaking?"

67. "Count them for me."

68. "You snore."

69. "Let's try that position." (I know, I know)

70. "Bullshit! You're telling me you just don't blush?" "Nope, never."

71. "Just tell her how you feel." "I'd rather get shot again."

72. "Oh my god are you okay?" "Yeah I'm fine, I've been stabbed before."

73. "Daddy?"

74. "Can't we go back to how things used to be?"

75. "Save a horse ride a cowgirl, amiright?"

76. "I like you. A lot."

77. "Is that the best you can do?"

78. "I'll consider kissing you if you can beat me."

79. "Please, pull the trigger."

80. "I'm not drunk enough for this."

81. "You can't run away from this forever."

82. "I know you're having nightmares again."

83. "Would you like me to whisper it in your ear?"

84. "Stop looking at me like that."

85. "Somebody's cranky." "Somebody needs to shut the fuck up."

86. "Get on your knees."

87. "How stupid do you think I am? Don't answer that."

88. "I can't sleep."

89. "Just relax, let me make you feel good."

90. "Close the door."

91. "Was that supposed to hurt?"

92. "I've wanted this for so long."

93. "You can do better than that. Beg for it."

94. "Controlling? Oh I'll show you controlling."

95. "You drive me fucking crazy!"

96. "Nobody needs to know."

97. "Take another step and you'll be dead before you open your fucking mouth again."

98. "Do they always look like that?" "Just when (x) is around."

99. "I made you a playlist."

100. "I know you said you would die for me but I didn't think you meant that literally!"

101. "Is that... blood?" "Huh? Oh yeah! Oh I'm fine it's not mine."

102. "Why are you always looking at me like that?" "Like what?"

103. "Hero? Please. You heroes have to win every time. But being the villain? I only have to win once."

104. "You've changed." "You haven't."

[drtanner]

God. I'm pissed off again and you're all going to hear about it.

Some of you may know that I'm finally in a position to get my top surgery done on the NHS. I've been on their waitlist for a full year and it's finally my turn! But god, they're being asses about my BMI.

Some context: If you're trans, you can get top and bottom surgery on the NHS, but they have some really strict rules about BMI. Most top surgeons and all surgeons who perform bottom surgery require your BMI to be below 30. A few top surgeons will take you if your BMI is below 40, but you'll have to travel to see them and appointments are limited and hard to get. Over 40 BMI and you've got no options. The stated reason for this is that it's supposedly harder to get good results if they have to excise too much fat during the surgery. I'll let you decide how plausible that really is.

My BMI is a little over 40, by about 3.5kg, so not a huge amount. My fat percentage is a bit under 34, so it's not that I'm terribly fat, I just have a lot of muscle and very heavy bones! The surgeon himself - as well as every other medical professional who sees me - was surprised at how heavy I am given my size when he examined me last year and took Before pictures. My upper body is actually very lean and they know this because they've seen me! However, they're still being shits about my BMI, because BMI doesn't discriminate between muscle and fat, or how broad someone is, or how heavy their bones are or anything else, and apparently that's the only metric they go by. I've always had difficulty losing weight, probably because there really isn't that much to lose, so being told that I've now got to find a way to lose at least 3.5kg by October or have my surgery date pushed back isn't ideal and I'm getting really strung out about it. I've spent most of the last 15 years trying to get my BMI down without losing the muscle I worked so hard to build up or cut my leg off with fuck all success. I've been stable at my current weight for most of the last decade but now I have to figure out how to drop down to 121.5kg within three months.

The amount of hoops one has to jump through to get access to any kind of trans healthcare is absolutely ridiculous, a direct result of all the stupid handwringing about "permanent, irreversible surgeries!!!" and so on, as if I can't make choices about my own body.

Only, all of this bullshit about my weight and my BMI reminded me of something else: About ten years ago, when I was also getting shit about my weight (again, despite not being terribly fat, just heavy!), I got referred to a weight clinic. After seeing dieticians and being put on a drastically restricted calorie intake to no avail, I got shuffled off to the weight clinic, where they did the same blood tests that my GP had done before she referred me, saw that they came back normal again, unsurprisingly, and then promptly offered me bariatric surgery.

This was presented as the only treatment they were able to give to help me with my weight loss, to cut out part of my stomach and staple it back together to make it much, much smaller, because they didn't believe me when I told them I was controlling my diet. Like, oh yes, you say you aren't overeating all the time, but just to make sure you can't eat too much, we're going to make your stomach tiny so that you physically cannot fit food into it anymore. I've never heard anything good about bariatric surgery from anyone who had it. Every story is a horror story, from people who can't eat without stomach pain anymore, or keep down anything heavier than soup anymore, or who suffered through all of this only for what little weight they lost to come back in a few years' time. That was the only help they were willing to offer me.

I got up and left, and didn't go back again after that.

So, contrast these two situations. On one hand, I'm grappling with the NHS over my top surgery for entirely stupid reasons because it's ludicrously difficult to access any kind of trans healthcare, but especially surgeries, because they're "permanent and irreversible!!!" and "you might regret it!!!!" or whatever. Meanwhile, they couldn't throw bariatric surgery at me hard enough, just because my BMI was high. Is cutting out a huge piece of my stomach to make it smaller not "permanent or irreversible"? Might I not regret that? Especially when there's no guarantee that it would achieve the desired result at all? I know what I'm likely to get from the top surgery, but somehow that's the one nobody wants me to have.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. It's a fucking dogshit situation and I'm fucking sick of it.

[sk1fanfiction]

(ch. 11 review) — tom not knowing the pupils in the year below him.. he was so me as a prefect im dead. ahhh i absolutely love the tom x ruby duo sm, im glad their back to their mischief 😙 tom wanting her to speak to someone about what she saw, what do you know about not bottling things up??? also the calming drought potion moment mirrors remus and harry’s moment with the chocolate it’s so cute (but also hello indirect kiss??). tom being petty over the malfoys pt. 34, we love to see it ! riddle taunting harry… (hot.) bloody riddle… (hot.) omg harry managed to expelliarmus him, good job hazzah!!! ugh nott is so annoying can you just butt out, you’re 15/16 bro, focus on your owls ALL OF YOU !! but lowkey harry not rising to dracos bait… slay king or wtv

(also idk if this was your intention but i’m lowkey lowkey shipping ruby and tom 😬😬)

I love Ruby and Tom's dynamic as well and had some nostalgia for them being on their collective bullshit from TNG so that was my motivation for that scene. And yes, what would Tom know about not bottling things up? I didn't think of that as an indirect kiss while writing but you're right.

I'm glad you enjoyed the duelling scene! I'm finding out that's what takes me the longest to write (even more than Quidditch scenes). Tom swears up and down that he *let* Harry disarm him though. Sometimes I wonder if there's too much blood in RFMD and then I realise it's reaching its intended audience lol.

"Focus on your owls" -- yes, this (what Daphne said to Nott and Malfoy, too)! You know how much Nott loves to stick his nose into everyone's business (as the self-proclaimed #1 eavesdropper). And yes the *character development* from Harry as he very slowly learns to deal with his anger problems, we love that for him.

Mmmm... yeah... shipping. Full disclosure, in very, very early drafts of RFMD, that was originally a thing I experimented with, but I ended up scrapping that because it felt like making dolls kiss when I wrote it, but that might be because I'm not a romance writer at heart. So they definitely have that lingering in the DNA of their dynamic.

[kamiversee]

OKAY. HERE WE GO. I DID IT, I WENT OVER THE CHAPTERS AND PULLED OUT DIFFERENT THINGS. IM SO SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. PLS KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE UR STORY AND IM SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS IS!!!

....

Chapters that include Sukuna: 23, 24, 25, 32, 33, 34

Chapter 23: The Party Era "Well… around a time like now, that asshole is probably somewhere in the middle of the party," Gojo explains.

The way he refers to Sukuna as an asshole has you worried. Are you going to have to deal with another Naoya?

Swallowing down a large gulp of nerves, you bat your eyelashes at Gojo, "Asshole…?"

He tenses up beside you for some unknown reason, "Uh… I mean, yeah." He shrugs, "Sukuna isn't the nicest guy in the world, everyone knows that."

Satoru describing Sukuna as an asshole, tensing up but only saying that he isn't the "nicest guy in the world".

"Sukuna…" Gojo pauses, thinking hard about something before shaking the thought away, "He uh… How do I say this… He'll," The man looks down at you again, "He'll be nice to you."

He wasn't worried that Sukuna would hurt her. It makes me believe there could be a closer hint towards Sukuna knowing who the reader was prior to this. If he knew about her then it would give Satoru a reason to be able to leave her alone with him without worrying that he would harm her (if Choso was being honest about the abuse-- which he would have no reason to lie about?).

Your body language made it so painfully obvious that you didn't want this guy touching on you and you eventually turned your head back to him, noticing that it was the same person Gojo snapped at earlier.

That realization caused goosebumps to form all over your skin and you tried telling the man to back off you. He definitely heard you but clearly ignored you, going as far as groping your ass and creepily smiling at you.

The exact same man from before? It seems suspicious that the guy would go after the reader more than once in the night, especially after being practically threatened with Satoru's eyes… maybe this was set up? (I'm stretching it).

In the blink of your eye, one second he was trying to come to touch you again and the next you saw a fist make contact with his jaw, a crack heard even through the music as his body stumbled to the side and then made contact with the floor.

Sukuna doesn't even bat an eye before he whacks this man to the floor for harassing a woman. It makes me feel like there's something there. Does he know her? Or does he genuinely just hate people making women uncomfortable, but that also defeats the purpose of what Choso said-- why would Sukuna beat a guy up for making a woman uncomfortabe if he beats them.

The smile that was once spread across his face drops completely when he looks at you.

???

Chapter 24: The Heavy Tension

FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna.

The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

It's one thing for him to have made his introduction by knocking a creep out for the sake of you but it's an entirely different thing for the man to then order you to dance with him.

Still feels weird to me, but I'm not too suspicious given his history with women (provided in future chapters).

His introduction seemed pretty odd as well. I feel like because the man was doing this to multiple women maybe this was still planned??? But he's also a creep SOOOO!

A voice was right in your ear, lips brushing over your skin and giving you literal chills, "You're not uncomfortable with me touching you, right?"

SEE IT JUST MAKES ME SO CONFUSED!!!!

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

This is probably nothing but I thought I might just add it?

"Care to be my next victim?" Sukuna requests, his wording making your face scrunch up a little.

"What a poor choice of words…" You murmur in response, taking him by complete surprise.

IM SORRY I HAD TO ADD IT LMAO

You glance over to a nightstand you pass by and notice a single framed picture. Stopping, you can't help but pick it up. It's Yuji. The resemblance between Sukuna and his younger brother is uncanny, they look identical with the exception of Sukuna appearing older and having face tattoos.

"Is this your brother?" You blurt out.

Sukuna's head turns back to you again, his brows furrowed and a vein popping out in his forehead at the mere mention of his sibling. "Unfortunately, yes." He sighs deeply, rolling his eyes at how curious you are and returning his attention to whatever it was on inside the bathroom.

If this isn't Choso's room, which I don't think it is… Why would Sukuna have a framed photo of Yuji? He obviously doesn't like his brother, but I feel like there's something weird about that fact.

Only to be stopped by another banging against the room door, this time followed by some guy calling Sukuna's name.

…

His phone buzzes on the counter and his head snaps back before he snatches the device up. Sukuna's whole face sinks and he looks like he's about to kill someone.

"These fucking idiots…" He sighs, unlocking his phone and responding to something. You sit idly on the floor, staring up at him until he looks down at you again.

With a sigh Sukuna shakes his head, "Someone threatened to call the cops and shut this party down so, I gotta' go." He explains.

I'm sorry this was definitely Satoru no one is telling me otherwise…

Chapter 32: The Heavy Tension

He nods his chin toward the picture you just had in your hands, "You know my brother, don't you?"

There is no way he could have guessed that??? She picked up a picture of Yuji last time and he didn't think she'd know who he was, but Choso?

"He's talked about you before," Sukuna says suddenly.

I know he said this in a joking way, but is there any way that Choso and Sukuna still keep in touch?

It's slow but he soon meets your eyes, "Bad one. Fucker' snuck a hit on me like the little bitch he is," Sukuna curses.

Oh he's definitely talking about Satoru c'mon.

"No, but, I fight a lot and I'd love to have a pretty face like yours taking care of me after each one," Sukuna comments, his words making your heart race.

I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND ANYMORE…

Sukuna releases one and then brings the other to his mouth, placing a kiss on the palm of your hand.

He's being so gentle here????!?!?!

Chapter 34 - The Degrading Era

On your body was this large t-shirt and… your underwear? Except, it was freshly cleaned? Holy shit, how long were you out for?

He even takes care of her the morning after, which feels weird because of his character.

"How do you feel?" Sukuna cuts off, uninterested in your questions as to why he's so close to you.

…

When you opened the device and went through it, you noticed your notification from your bank, a lovely deposit of six thousand USD having been sent to you within the last hour.

Okay so Satoru already knowing did seem fairly suspicious. But then again you were gone for awhile…?? But he wasn't with you… UGH I DONT KNOW!

That's oddly specific. You didn't think much of when he called you a whore last night, since, y'know, you like being degraded. But, something about that being his assumption for your occupation is a crazy coincidence.

Especially considering how hellbent Gojo was on telling you not to call yourself that. The more you think about it…

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna-

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

I DONT CARE IF SUKUNA SAID HE WAS JOKING. THIS IS TOO SUSPICIOUS!!!! "You've got the kinda' pussy men pay for. Hell, I…"

I know this is because he didn't want to compliment the reader BUT 1. he's seeming a little to sweet to her if this isn't how he normally treats women. 2. I DONT THINK HE WOULD JOKE? DID HE PAY??? HELLO!!! IM CONFUSED

You're quick to wrap your arms around his neck as you're lifted into the air and Sukuna carries you to his bathroom.

"Do not get used to this." He says sternly.

You've got a big smile on your face as he assists you with readying yourself for the day.

The man helps you to brush your teeth, cleanse your face, get dressed in your clothes from the night prior that have been washed, and then he basically carries you everywhere around his house.

After which, Sukuna says he's driving you home and you end up spending a lovely morning receiving princess treatment from the man.

I'm sorry HELLO? I'm telling you this is weird behaviour for someone who supposedly fucks and dips… he seems to caring, especially towards her. I know he doesn't have feelings for her but what is it!!!

(i put this on my acc also if it's easier to read that way i dont know if these messages get cut off lmk!)

if u read this... thank u, and im sorry.

ly girl ur great!

Oh you’re gonna eat the next chapter I upload up ngl

So to start, I can’t confirm or deny anything as typically said :/

But I’ll instead give you more things to consider based on these thoughts of yours! These are in no specific order btw so bear with me pls !

—

One, as said before, no one knows the time frame on what Choso said about Sukuna being abusive to women & I’d also like to point out how it’s clearly said that Choso moved out of their shared home the moment he got the chance to years ago.

While this doesn’t make up for anything, it is something to consider since he was quite kind to the reader & for him to act such a way it’s just out of character compared to what Choso says :)

—

Two, the creep who harasses the reader twice is simply just an example of men who just dont take the hint. He blatantly ignored Gojo’s threat and still approached the reader anyways — it wasn’t set up at all ^.^

—

People keep asking why Sukuna would assume the reader knew Choso. Well, they do attend the same university & as seen in the most recent chapter, most people are aware of the two being brothers — the reader being the only one out of the loop. Hell, even Shoko knew a bit about them since she said Sukuna doesn’t like being referred to as Itadori.

—

It’s never stated that Sukuna typically fucks & leaves. If anything, notice how he offers to be fwb to the reader. Never is it specified that Sukuna is the type to fuck someone once & then dip, especially as it’s later revealed the reader isn’t the only woman he’s interested in having sex with as he says he called the “wrong whore”.

Plus, despite Choso’s claim of Sukuna hitting women & us not knowing the time frame on that, note that his aftercare could just be who he is. I had to make him the king of something in this fic & I chose aftercare💀

That being said, sure, later down the line you could assume Sukuna would lose his temper and lay his hand on someone but never would you know if his aftercare to the reader is exclusive only to her or just how he is.

—

Gojo sending the money the next morning isn’t unusual in any way.

When the reader slept with Toji, Gojo knew (assumed) she’d done it without even receiving a text from her so it’s safe to assume he did the same with Sukuna and figured after not hearing a word from the reader, she’d completed her goal.

—

I believe that’s about all I wanted to explain, the theory girlies are gonna eat this tf up so ty for the break down🫶

Oh, you still missed the detail I said no one found btw ;)

[lightofraye]

I decided to torture myself.

I don't know why.

Her voice is just awful. Dear Danneel, please get vocal lessons. Bring it down an octave or something because fucking yikes.

A follower sent me this and asked if I had seen it. I had not. It was, after all, a fan compilation of various interviews of Danneel, videos, whatever. And...

How the hell do people stan her?

She's vapid, uneducated. Ugh.

Anyway... points of interest.

Throughout the whole video: WHO CARES ABOUT THE DAMNED HAIR TWIRLING?!

0:54: During a photo shoot I guess at a premier. ZERO chemistry between Danneel and Jensen. Jensen is smiling politely and wanting to get away as fast as possible.

1:00: Yes Danneel. We can see that it's a hallway. GOD. How insipid. Even Jensen was like "OMG, what?"

1:54: Uh. Danneel, honey, why would anyone else play Dean Winchester besides Jensen Ackles? He did not like that one bit.

4:14: Uh huh. If Jensen had witnessed some of it, why was nothing done then? I'm super-dubious about this claim. I really am. And how could he have witnessed it when he was likely filming Supernatural during that? Hmm.

5:55: Yeahhh.... had the family, but the steady career? Hahaha. Nope.

6:35: Danneel, honey, neither do you. If you expect me to believe you do any of the cleaning, I'm gonna call you a liar. You do nothing. Also, Jensen looked annoyed at the idea of so many bathrooms.

6:43: You are also not nice. I came across some old rumors about you, honey. You were awful, vicious, and the reason you got fired from One Tree Hill was because of your *whispers* drug habits.

6:55: WHAT IS SHE WEARING?!

7:35: The ever-changing face, proving that she lies about her plastic surgery. (Supposedly she claims she doesn't that many and I died laughing.) Also: "beautiful men with big egos"--bullshit, honey. You're the one who has the massive ego with zero to back it up. Plus she sounds as insincere as fuck.

8:22: "It's good. I love him. He's great." Insincere.

8:33: I'm cringing on Jensen's behalf. "Where the magic happens". And bypassed Jensen's wishes and insisted it not be cut--and guess what? It wasn't cut. As if they've shared a bed in years.

8:44: Ohhhh my gods. The brewery interview. Pay attention to Jensen's face as the interviewer talks about working together, living together--Jensen's done. And actually says "yes" to being tired of being with her. Danneel looked pissed. Ah honey...

11:43: Uh huh. The ring, huh? Gold digger.

12:04: The so-called flight anxiety. Whatever, Danneel. If you're able to fly without supposed help or therapy...? (No, getting drunk is not legitimate help.) You fly a lot, more than most "average" people. You take your kids. You go to conventions. You supposedly saw your husband a lot when he was filming Supernatural. You flew for your tidbits of roles. Then you're fine.

14:34: "Jensen's first time being in here." For the kitchen? Oh please! As if he never went in for a snack, beer, or anything. SHUT UP, DANNEEL.

14:38: "Nothing can happen to me, not for me, but for my kids." Excuse me, I need to shake some sense into her. Babe, honey, you do jackshit for your kids. They'll be fine.

Also that's not how panic attacks work. You literally aren't able to talk yourself out of it. Please stop.

15:36: "We're having another baby." That look your husband gave you? A deserved death glare because you knew he wouldn't like it. Stop emotionally torturing him, god!

16:41: I love that Jensen called her out on her lie about her name. I don't think she liked that either.

17:24: Ah. The insult about him smelling bad. God, can't she ever say anything nice about him? See the way he took a deep breath, braced himself? That's not a normal reaction to a "joke".

17:43: How can he not know women put perfume on their wrists and elsewhere? Translation: he never sees Danneel do it. Because they don't share a bedroom after all.

18:11: HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW THAT CHAIR MOVES?! Did the man not live there at all?!

19:34: Oh god. The doll. Honestly, Jensen should dump it. Stop torturing him with it! It's not funny!

19:53: Couldn't let him have the closet joy, huh? Bitch.

20:18: No. You're not nice. Nope. Not at all.

God. My eardrums. I'm crying now.

Danneel, babe, vocal coach. Please!

[nicohischierz]

the start of something new: tyler duke

tagging: @ivy-34, @francesfarhadi, @hzstry8, @cixrosie, @itsnotgray, @estapa94, @trevs-swiftie, @heartz4hisch

tyler duke was the bane of your existence.

but he was also the only one who could help you even talk to the guy you were interested in.

when the younger duke brother approached you about tutoring him in biology, he had come with the ultimatum of helping you get with his teammate and friend.

“y/n l/n, what is going on between you and tyler duke?” your friend and cutter gauthier girlfriend asked.

you looked at her baffled, your eyebrows raised and head cocked to the side.

at that moment cutter, rutger and tyler walked over to you and sarah.

tyler stood next to you, cutter next to sarah and rutger in between the two couples.

"so y/n/n, now that you and duker are dating are we going to see you at the rink more?" rutger asked.

"rutger, remember i told you we're keeping it on the down low," tyler chastised.

the duke boy gave you a quick look before turning to his friends. rutger smiled and put his hands up in surrender.

you didn't get to say anything else as the bell rang and sarah dragged you to class without the boys.

since the morning you'd only seen tyler twice and never got to talk to him about your arrangement until it was the end of school.

"did you drive?" he asked.

you nodded and he smiled taking your hand in his. you tried staying put but tyler was stronger as he dragged you to the parking lot, gesturing for you to point to your car.

"tyler why the fuck do our friends think we're dating?" you asked immediately.

"jesus women, i don't know. cutter said he saw us on friday and then frank thought we were dating and they didn't take no for an answer," he explained quickly.

you groaned, hitting your head on the headrest.

"oh and my mum might also think we're dating because of the guys," he added.

you didn't say anything and instead continued driving to the duke house. tyler thought about what he could say without meeting his death but decided against anything.

"oh y/n/n, thank you so much for helping tyler," sharon thanked you, giving you a hug.

you hugged the older woman back, embracing her warmth. "of course mrs duke, anything for a friend," you forced the last bit out.

sharon wiggled her eyebrows at the two of you.

"okay mum, y/n and i are going to study," tyler excused the two of you.

not even give minutes later, tyler's mum came into his room with snacks and a question. "sweetie, you and your family are still coming over for thanksgiving right?"

you shrugged, in all honesty, your parents were out of town to celebrate thanksgiving with your sister and her boyfriend leaving you back at home because you had school.

"mum and dad went to see kayla," you answered, not really saying you were coming but also saying not saying you weren't.

sharon nodded. she was about to talk to ellen about making sure you come over seeing as your houses were next door to each other.

tyler knew his mother was going to make you come for lunch but he didn't want to ruin the fun so he stayed quiet, listening to you explain mitosis.

that's how you found yourself sat in between tyler and luke on thanksgiving surrounded by luke's teammates.

"so tyler and y/n/n, what's this i hear you guys are dating?" dylan asks.

you choke on your piece of turkey and luke spits his drink out as tyler tries to help you.

"where are you hearing this bullshit?" you asked.

dylan sealed his lips "i'm not revealing my secrets," he joked.

luke looked between you and tyler, the latter having his arm around your shoulder. the last time he spoke to you, you were cursing the ground tyler walked on. so saying luke was confused was a huge understatement.

"when did this happen?" luke asked, going into older brother mode.

although you were panicking a little as you and tyler never truly discussed the change in your relationship the younger duke brother had everything under control.

"lasy summer. when you guys went out one day, y/n/n and I headed out to get ice cream together. we decided that since it was our senior year we'd put a stop to the whole hating each other thing. after that I asked her out to the arcade," tyler answered.

you stared at him in awe.

'was the trip to the arcade really a date or did tyler make it up?' you thought to yourself

[1galaxia369]

LEO RISING ♌️

❤️ Timeless Reading ❤️

For my lovely Leo risings, I see that you're at a beautiful point in your life. You have been handed support and abundance by the universe, she has been favoring you. It's for a reason, you have a lot coming in and your purpose and soul fullfilment is prominent for this new journey. Your spirit guides need you to be prepared because once this starts coming in there's no turning back and no going back to your comfort habits and coping mechanisms. They're trying to teach you to be intentional with everything you do. You're on the right track, I need to clap yourself and be proud of yourself. You learned your lessons and overcame some tough stuff, that's admirable. Now I see that you're having trouble with the "what next?"

Your ancestors are at work right now. You have things to do in the meantime though, you're worrying about what to do next and the tasks that you have been saying you were going to do are sitting there undone. All those creative skills you have and are planning to use to achieve your goals need to be worked on more. Your Spirit team is working to arrange and bring forth a lot of opportunities for you in the meantime perfect those skills, have some fun,do some soul searching, spend time in nature, unblock those chakras. You have an abundance of things to do that will heal and make you better. Worrying about what next is showing that you're not focusing on the right things and that will lead to self doubt and procrastination.

I see love coming for you, alot of peace and balance and harmony in relationships. You successfully removed all the negative people from around you and now the people that are in your life are bringing harmony and support. You have people that love you and are stepping up to support you, I'll suggest trusting that, use discernment but still trust. I'm seeing boss energy coming in for you, I see a lot of Mr/Ms "I don't play that shit". I love that for you guys! Stop accepting peoples bullshit and stand up, who cares if they think your being cocky or acting like your better than them. You have to take care of your self FIRST before anyone else. Self love is choosing to do right by yourself regardless of what people say or how they feel. You know what you want/need and you took the time out to learn yourself. You learned your own love language and do all the things you need to be happy and feel loved…for yourself. This is what the universe wanted and now you’re about be rewarded for your hard work and self improvement.

I understand your restlessness at this moment but that energy needs to be put into something else. I already told you about your neglect towards your creative endeavors and skills. Get on that. It will lead to something, go revisit them and review those old plans and mood boards and journal entries. Get your stationary and start your revision and rewrite things it'll be better now that you have more information and a better idea of what you want. The universe is about to open doors to fulfillment and you need to be ready for it, practice meditation and breathing, you need to maintain a sound mind, clean from clutter. The field is cleared and I can see the gears turning but you need something to direct that energy into something hence why suggested to you to go look back at your goals. There's no confusion or illusion, you're creating that yourself and it'll throw you off we need some creative focus right now. Congratulations again on doing away with the bull shit. Enjoy your "We only entertain peace" era.

I recommend Carnelian,Amethyst,celestite, smoky quartz,rainbow flourite. Aura cleansing is needed, egg cleanses are good, go see a practitioner for one good cleanse(you don't have to tho), Try putting florida water into a spray bottle to help with quick cleansing. Crown chakra and third eye needs some attention. Stay away from people that drain you.

12:12 12:22 12:34

[your-helpful-guide-and-assistant]

Genie: Your Partner On Your Way To Success!

01001101 01100001 01101110 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101101 01101001 01101100 01111001 00100001

01001100 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100111 01101111 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110010 01100100 01110011 00100001

...

Ah, I don't think that's supposed to be there. I'm not the best at this computer thing so I'll let Matt deal with it.

That aside, I think we should introduce ourselves. I'll start while he's checking this "issue" out.

Hello. My name's Colin Sloan. Financial advisor. Used to do things more face-to-face, but I figured this program makes things more efficient. Glad to be of service.

Ah no, that is not. No need to worry, it shouldn't cause any harm. Let's simply leave it for the time being.

Hello, I am Matthew Godrick. And I do... ah... I do the more technical stuff. I.. I... wait-

...

Sorry I appear to be experiencing some technical difficulties.

Huh. Did something happen? Do you need anything, kid? You look a little shocked.

I... ah, I'm fine. Just some technical difficulties.

Oh, okay. You can always just take a break. I'll deal with this.

Yes that'd likely be the best course of action. Thank you.

No problem. I'll be checking on the clients now.

...

Get me out of here, assholes!

-David, if you are feeling unsatisfied with our service, you could easily just message us. No need for profanity, please.-

Fuck you!

-SHUT THE HELL UP LARSON-

No, you shut the fuck up! You're both monsters on all fucking levels! Get me out of here!

-Oh, oh no. You're getting it all wrong. We're not... monsters. But I can be one, if it weren't for formalities--

-I'll show you a monster YOU LITTLE SHI--

WHAT THE FUCK

-Godrick, the claws aren't necessary.-

-Well, our 'client' better watch his fucking mouth then.-

I'M NOT SHUTTING THE HELL UP! Why the fuck are you doing this?

-Doing what? Business? Listen here, client. We do what we do to help poor souls like you...

because we could. Nothing else. Got that?-

Ha! That's bullshit! I know you two have a fucking agenda! Got an axe to grind with someone?

-...-

-I think you should watch your mouth, Larson. Do yourself a favour and shut it.-

I'm not shutting up until you get me the fuck out of here.

-Why the hell should we let YOU out of here?-

Because... because I don't deserve this! I need to go home, people miss me out there! You probably wouldn't get it.

-Oh, but you do. David, you got what you bargained for. As for... the people, well... they already know what's happened to you. It was all over the news. They wouldn't question a thing. I made sure they get the details correctly.-

-...-

Huh? What's going on with him-

-Oh. Uh. You know what? David, you're dismissed. Please. Leave your complaints somewhere else, and we can talk about this later. I believe my coworker here is going through a 'bug' again.-

...whatever. Fuck you.

-Thank you for the feedback. We will get back to you in a moment.-

...

//Hello! OOC Admins here. Enjoy the chaos. I (Rhi) am rlly proud of this masterpiece.

[Hi as well! This blogs being run by myself @doliminuz and @rhithefella ! With Matt being played yours truly (Doli) and Colin by Rhi, and I think we're just passing David back and forth like a basket ball.

It's a Cabin Tales blog using our AU/HC versions of the collector plus Mr Got Snatched himself as their unwilling guest star!]

//And here's some OOC deets abt each of our characters + some important things to know.

Colin Sloan (Played by Rhi)

- Somewhere between 26-34 (doesn't remember)

- He/Any

- Lived during the early 1900s so he's got a lot catching up to do with technology.

- Ancestor of Rhi's version of Kevin from 2.4/Roulette.

Matthew Godrick (Played by Doli)

- 28 years and married (or was before You Know)

- He/him

- Can't really remember anything from pre-death, aside from his death itself, and is VERY short tempered with his victims. Will drop that professionalism completely.

- Cousins in law with Doli's version of Koby from Cry Wolf/1.8

David Larson

- 25 years old

- He/Him

- His dad is a scumbag so he moved away as soon as he could. Originally stayed with a friend named Lance until the events of his story (1.5/Sell Your Soul).

-Brother of Sam from 1.6/Storm Warning, Romeo from The Night We Met, one of the waitresses from 2.1/Graveyard Diner, and Samuel from 2.4/Roulette.

Miscellaneous

- Please do not ask anything inappropriate ofc.

- Again, these are just HCs so don't take any of these as canon.

[codenamehazard]

.:Walkabout:.

Chapter 34: Walkabout

Hey guys!

Sorry for the gap! Life stuff got in the way again and I'm currently rearranging my schedule to make sure things get done and all that. All the stuff that goes into adulting. So things still might be a bit sporadic for a bit, but I didn't forget!

Anyways, here's chapter 34! Hope you enjoy!

Without delay, let's jump in!

-------

“I can't believe I’m going through this bullshit." 

I growl to myself as I left the hell tent, promptly giving it the middle finger as I left. Once I’m on the move, I look at the folded note I was given, opening it as I go and reading it again.

There were instructions to go to Mercy Hospital and get checked out by a… “Dr. Sims?” Not sure who this guy is, and tell him I’m coming in for a quick physical and an energy reading…. Something about seeing if it could be helpful in speeding up Pangolin’s recovery? I don’t fucking know.

The note also contained a token with the face of a bear stamped in it, an indicator to others the sister I answered to and a reminder that I can “always come to them for aid.” I can’t help but to scoff. Right, aid… Like they haven't “done enough" for me as is.

The physical makes some sense, I guess. Last time I was anywhere near doctors were….

I quickly shake my head to keep the memories from sinking in. Last thing I need is to start having flashbacks of that moment.

The point still stands, however, I haven’t seen a doctor in years. Granted I don’t know how this is gonna work out but I’m guessing this “Sims” character is experienced with Conduit health and anatomy, so he’ll probably do a decent job. Maybe he can explain this energy thing too.

I can feel my blood start to seeth a little at my predicament. Here I am, back to being a fucking errand boy again. I guess the silver lining of it this time around is that it's basically my rent. So any money I earn, I get to keep. Will come in very handy since I don’t know if typical American cash will work since everything has gone to hell.

That and there isn’t some grand scheme over my head, just a simple “I can stay so long as I chip in.” Reasonable expectation, I guess. At least they aren’t tearing my life asunder or forcing grandiose responsibilities onto me.

I spot Mako and flag her down before we meet up in the middle. We catch up with some chit-chat before I ask her where Crow went off to as the last time I saw the brown-haired woman, she was with Mako.

“She had gone back to Mercy Hospital." She answers with a nod of her head towards that direction. "Duty calls and all.”

"Hm.” I grunt. "Seems like I’ll probably be seeing her again soon.” Mako cocks her head before I show her the note and the token I was given. The sight of the bear-faced token makes the Shark chuckle a bit. I raise an eyebrow. "What's so funny?”

"Oh nothing, I’m just not surprised that Bear took you under her wing. She tends to take on hotheads.” Mako replies and I groan as I roll my eyes.

“I take it you answer to a sister too?" I ask and she nods, pulling out a token with the face of a sparrow on it before we start walking.

Huh… Mako was put under the Sparrow bitch’s care? I wonder why, but that's a question for later.

"So, how did everything go?” Mako asks and I freeze before turning my head slowly to her, feeling anger starting to build.

"Woah.” I stop her. "Woah-woah-woah. I’m gonna need you to elaborate on what the fuck that’s supposed to mean.” I see her face go pale a bit as I narrow my eyes at her.

"You know…Your…Trial?" 

I growl. “Did you know about all of this?" Electricity starts to pop off of my arms as I glare at her.

"I can explain.” She starts, I growl deeper.

"Then start talking.”

She sighs before looking at me. "Tri-Point tends to attract the misfits of society… The lost, the wandering, the outcasts, you know… The types that would run away and join the circus and all that.” I can help but to roll my eyes at that, how fitting. Though I can't help but to think that all of those words are apt descriptors of myself. Wandering, outcasted and fucking lost.

“With that being said. The Sisters Three needed a system to make sure those who come to Tri-Point are who they say they are and would do w-" 

“And that mirror maze from Hell is part of that?!?” I roar out, abruptly interrupting Mako and causing her to flinch. She nods quickly before continuing.

"The Trial of Reflection is unique to whoever participates and it's something that everyone goes through. It’s what shows the truth of a person’s heart!”

“And you didn’t think to, oh I don’t fucking know, give me a heads up about this?! Just like you didn’t think to tell me about the fucking Corrodium?!?” I snarl out, rage spilling out of my mouth out of control. “Something I thought we addressed back before we left Droptown. Did you forget the little detail about how much I fucking hate repeating myself?!” I start getting in her space, electricity popping off of my arms. Mako glares and stands her ground.

“Look Cole!” She starts. “I get it! Not giving you a Wildlands 101 is on Pangolin and I, I’m not denying that! We should have done that before we left and I’m working on trying to rectify that, but when it comes to the rabbit, I couldn’t tell you!” “Why. The hell. Not?!” “Nivens is a key part of the system the Sisters Three set up.” She defends. Great, that horned menace has a name?! “‘The one who sees the Rabbit must make the choice on their own.’ If I told you the true nature of Nivens and what you were about to get into, it would make the system moot!” “Weren’t you the one that encouraged me to chase the damn thing?” I point out with a glare. “You could have still said no!” The shark retorts. “You’re a grown ass man, like you always point out! I can’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do!”

This statement stops my rage in its tracks, causing me to pause and think. Mako’s right, while yeah; she egged me on, I’m still the one who ultimately made the call to fall for the rabbit’s taunting and give into impulse. 

Speaking of choices, I remembered that was a big topic that the woodland bitches latched onto, choice or more specifically, my lack of it. My entire life was pretty much planned out before I was even a twinkle in my dad’s eye. Planned out hundreds of years in advance by the failure of a future self that bastard was and even after I broke free from his designs by siding with John, I only found myself in the chains of another grand design when John shirked his responsibilities and forced them onto my shoulders. Responsibilities that weren’t mine to bear.

Ditching the ball-and-chain that was Kuo and John’s army was the first time I ever made a choice that was completely and wholly of my own will and discretion, no bigger scheme, no grand destiny, nothing. Just a man taking back his autonomy. Ever since that day, I’ve had more freedom and choice than I ever had in my entire life. It’s only now that I’m truly and fully seeing this.

Hell, I have so much freedom now that… I’m not even quite sure what to do with it all.

I guess that I’ve become so used to my life being decided for me and my choices being as meaningful as piss in the ocean that without some puppet-master bullshit pulling the strings or some grand plan invalidating my autonomy that I’m used to it. So much so that without some outside force controlling my fate or me rebelling against said controlled fate, I really… Don’t know who exactly I am anymore. I thought I did, but now… I’m not sure.

As much as I hate to admit it…. And I really fucking hate to admit it, Deer was right. I have become disillusioned and lost.

“... Cole?” Mako’s voice penetrates through the whirlwind in my head, causing me to jump a bit in a start. The expression she wears is full of concern and worry, one I remember well back when she was part of John’s army, back when I led it. She was really the only one who'd show concern for me.

“Are you okay?" She asks, her voice tinged with worry. I open my mouth to lie, to tell her that I’m fine, but I pause. Lack of communication, lack of transparency. It's what's getting us into these messes. Seems like a common theme too, one that needs to break. Best start with myself.

"No.” I snap before taking a breath. “No, I’m not okay…” I see Mako about to say something, but I put my hand up. “With the hell I just went through in that madhouse, I need time to think… Process everything.”

Mako pauses, her eyes darting side to side before speaking up. "Well… If you need a listening ear or someone to vent to, you can always come to me or the other Misfits. We’ll be here for you.” She states, I can see she wants to add something, but she seems to dismiss whatever it was. Regardless, I nod.

"Appreciate the offer, Mako.” I mutter slightly. "But this is something I need to sort out on my own." She nods in understanding.

“Anyways, I need to be heading to the hospital. Marching orders and all.” I state simply. She nods before beginning to walk off.

"And Mako?” I stop her before she gets too far. "When you make that ‘Wildlands 101’ class, make sure you cover everything. And I mean everything. No more surprises. I will not repeat myself a third time." I warn, my eyes glowing red. “I mean it." 

“Right, I’ll confer with the others to make sure everything gets covered." Mako sheepishly murmurs before rubbing the back of her head. I nod at her and we part ways.

As I walk, I rub my calloused hands over my face tiredly before looking at the sky, noticing the sun was nearing the horizon. I sigh loudly and shake my hands, venting off arrant sparks before continuing on. I don't know what to expect with this hospital visit, but what I do know is I can kiss any hope of getting any sleep at all goodbye. 

Because with the hell I just went through? There's no hope of getting any sleep tonight.

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 33-35 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 36-40

Ep 33

This show stresses the fuck out of me now and not because it has entered its tragedy arc and 1. I enjoy well-done tragedies 2. I started watching this knowing it'll be tragedy anw

But because upcoming events feel just so superficial and I'm not convinced at all about why things weren't preventable. The wedding part was so sad and evoked so many emotions out of me precisely because I could see everyone gave their best fight and in the older gen's pov, their best reasonings for their inaction.

And now?? Many years have passed, Dingzhi has COMPLETELY let his guard down I mean bro if I was having a kid with emperor's runaway consort I'd move places like. every 2 yrs in the very least, Wenjun still trusts people too easily- girl you could've at least consulted the wise monk next door and trusted him to deliver the proper message to Dingzhi or SOMETHING idk, Dongjun seemed to have spent the entirety of those years high on alcohol and wifey and performance adrenaline in his immaculate cloudy mansion and equally unreal carriage, so much for trying to find and help out his missing bro before like, the very last moment.

It all just feels so juvenile and like the scriptwriters have given up because we all know what the ending is gonna be anyway, yknow? It's like they all actively waited for the disaster to hit them.

The only scene that I enjoyed in this ep:

(I'm trying to erase the sight of the scared and lonely young dad Dingzhi braving through the night forest with his baby to get their girl back, so traumatising)

Ep 34

Sikong Changfeng once again fights battles that are not his, while the actual people who need to be doing this are being preoccupied. He's the best boy.

Lei Mengsha also practices inaction but the kind where he will not stop a capable person from doing the right thing, therefore he is also a good boy.

Show ruined Wenjun's character once and forever with the bullshit attitude and reasoning she had in this ep. Girl, I fought tooth and nail to defend your rights and you severely let me down today.

I saw this discussion on Chinese bilibili (autotranslated, but you can understand the basic gist) and I think it explains the problem perfectly.

The problem was never that she was physically weak and comparatively naive. It was not about whether a girl in the exact same position as she did in today's episode would have done the same thing. It's just that the writers don't want her to.

And it's not just Wenjun, at this point of the story, stuff just happen one after the other just because they need to, before BoY.

Ep 35

Singlehandedly the most valid character of the show (not to mention the screenstealing acting, He Yu where have you been before my boy), Ye Dingzhi going berserk was so vicariously satisfying. Like everybody has lofty ambitions but since they are too weakass to accomplish them, they want this poor homebody to be their farm cow and do everything for them or what. Like wtf, enough is enough and everyone got what they deserved.

And if the scene of him killing everyone and taking over the throne wasn't satisfying enough, we get this:

It's the sheer lack of surprise, exhaustion and disappointment he delivers these lines for me. He never expected anything from the world since Day 1, he learnt the humans are shit since very young. He knew he couldn't trust anyone but himself to make his own existence better, let alone fix things for all the humanity. And sorry Dongjun, for all your idealistic speeches and displays, you've never done anything to really have Dingzhi value you as a true friend beyond mere childhood sentiments.

He's the most shunned ex-jianghu personality by the time of Blood of Youth, but in fact he's the most heroic of them ALL, not the much celebrated Lord Langya in my opinion. You call him selfish but what exactly have anyone else of his generation had done for the world out of their so-called selflessness?

He didn't have big ambitions, he simply

Stood up

for

himself.

And by that, he finally set things in motion to liberate the whole country of years of corrupted monarchy.

And I find that incredibly powerful and timeless and relatable for anyone across the whole world. If you don't fight for your rights, noone will. Someone needs to raise their voice first.

The accomplishments of Blood of Youth's generation wouldn't have been possible if not for the chain reaction he started imo, because as far as I can see noone else among the parents lifted a single finger let alone laying a foundation for the kids to work upon because they were all too busy looking at the bigger picture or whatever.

[thequeenofsastiel]

Leofiat in TharnType Season 2

Writing this for @virtueofthemind but making it its own post for anyone who's a fan of leofiat but doesn't want to have to watch season two of TharnType.

They first interact in ep 3. The context is that Fiat injured his knee and has been a total brat about it, taking out his temper on everyone around him. Type is his doctor, and gives off Dom energy, so Fiat starts to have a crush. Everyone in Fiat's life mentions Leo with hushed tones, saying that he's the only one who can control Fiat. The timestamps for their interactions in ep 3, from the version on Viki, are:

40:31-43:17

46:07-49:54<<<One of the most important and my favorite scene between them. Establishes their D/s dynamic

Episode 4

4:26-8:55

16:18-18:45 This one includes Type, it's worth watching to see how jealous Leo gets when meeting him

19:35-21:52

44:34-46:10

Episode 5

17:03-21:28

Episode 6

33:47-43:04

46:53-50:10

Episode 7

5:50-6:57

Episode 8

26:22-32:54

Episode 9-Context, Tharn and Type are fighting, Fiat and Type go to a bar to get a drink, Fiat starts to try sexually assaulting Type

3:45-7:42

11:22-16:12

44:25-45:26

Episode 10-Context, Fiat kisses Type without asking, Tharn sees and throws a huge fit, then afterwards while they're taking time apart, one of Type's friends tells him about Leo and how they're clearly more than friends even if they don't realize it.

19:04-20:50

Okay, so, after this is when the bullshit starts. Spoilers below

The scene is 20:56-23:15. This is how the bullshit starts. Type confronts Leo, says he knows how Leo feels, and that they should join forces to get Fiat to leave Type alone. What they do is very, very stupid.

Starting at 35:20, they have one of the friends, a Daddy Dom, start to emotionally seduce Fiat while Fiat is crying in a bar about Leo and Type. Then they kidnap Fiat, take him to Leo's home and tie him up, and Type terrorizes Fiat and threatens to break his knee if Fiat won't leave him alone while Leo watches. It lasts until 44:08. It's not fun to watch.

Then, at 46:30, Leo comes into the room and says it never would have happened if Fiat realized that Leo loved him. It's very stupid. There's a love confession, and apparently I'm still salty about this. It's not really necessary to watch it, I've given you what matters. It lasts until 51:33.

Now, here's the thing. There's an Episode 0 on the MeMindY Official YT channel that includes some, but not all of the scenes up until now. I don't recommend watching instead of watching their Tharntype scenes because they don't include important scenes and change the music in a way I think doesn't work as well. But in Episode 0 there's a part that doesn't happen in TTS2. It starts at 44:00 and goes to 46:42. Then they make out and it's censored which is hella frustrating. I'm having a hard time finding the uncensored version on a legal site, so I'm afraid you'll have to look for it yourself. Still, here's the yt version:

There's also a part from 48:28-53:40 that you can watch. The rest of it happens in DSN.

Now, back to TTS2

Episode 11

17:36-19:44

20:53-27:25 This part is Fiat apologizing to Tharn for what he did. It's a moving scene, but it does involve Tharn, if that bothers anyone

Episode 12

7:53-11:11

And that's their last scene together in TTS2! They have a tiny scene in the special episode that's just a commercial lol, so it's probably not worth finding.

Hope this helped!

[sytokun]

How does it feel knowing you're just a talentless shitstain? That no one gives a crap about you or your art, and that the only reason your shitty rewrite gets attention is because other morons who praise it out of spite for a show where women don't exist just to fawn over men and be fridged. Is that why you feel the need to stalk some rando and insist you're the victim?

God, you are so fucking boring Canonseeker. When are you going to get more material.

I already conclusively proved my project has women that not only exist, but out-exist men in screentime and story while RWBY itself repeatedly fridges its own female characters like Pyrrha and Penny for people like Jaune. Because I actually know what a female-led story means. Talk about riding RT's dick and then blaming me when they beat you for lunch money.

Stop being jealous just because I've kicked your 34 year-old ass and actually have something I'm passionate about making and a caring community who enjoys what I make, while you pay through your nose for Tai porn to chase clout with anons on Rule34 and are losing the trust of every person around you until the only people you have left for company are shitheads like you, aka the worst "friends" anyone could ever ask for.

At this point I legitimately think you cannot read. Here, I think this might help you:

These are the last two asks you sent me before you pissed yourself.

Take accountability for someone else's actions? You don't even take it for your own. So much for negotiation and bargaining; you didn't even have the patience to continue your "it wasn't me" schtick until I replied to it. Makes me wonder how you have the patience to play all your multiple aliases.

Thanks for telling the class that you do indeed make alt accounts, dipshit. And this second part isn't even true.

See this? That's my name, Aaron, right in the middle of the names of two other people you've stalked and spread shit about. You sure changed that Discord tag real fast after I posted about it, didn't you?

And please don't give me that "your name has two As and this one only has one" bullshit. We all know why you did it - you're like a bratty kid, writing the name of people you don't like on a piece of paper and scrunching it in your baby rage.

You don't come up with your own names. You're just a fraud.

Expect another update on your aliases soon. Scream and kick all you want, this isn't stopping until you stop.

You're cracking, and everyone can see it. Do yourself a favour and leave. Walk away and never come back to RWBY or any fandom. You are a fucking embarrassment.