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johnkrrasinski · 3 years

Text

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it. Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes modern au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fanfic #friends to lovers

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animereaderinsertwriter · 3 years

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Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part III

Part I

Part II

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

After that night, it became increasingly hard for (Y/N) to leave, and for Eren to let her do so.

Something between them had changed. There were moments— when Eren would press feather-light kisses against her forehead, when he would casually leave a cup of her favorite tea where she would find it— where (Y/N) felt as though her heart might burst. It was all the little things that baffled her, all the ways in which he seemed to understand exactly how she felt; it was as though he knew her more than she knew herself. On the mornings that she would wake in his bed, sleepy and sticky and wholly content, (Y/N) wondered what it would be like to have this life forever.

Other days— on days like today— she was reminded exactly why that could never be, and it broke her heart.

Today, they had planned a romantic dinner in the park, an evening under the stars. It was supposed to be something special, a little getaway just for the two of them; they had wanted to leave as soon as (Y/N) was relieved from her patrol, so Eren had moved her things to his place, hoping that they could leave together from there for their evening alone.

In and of itself, that was fine… but when (Y/N) came in, covered head-to-toe in viscous Creature blood, Eren was furious.

“And you call me a monster,” he growled, looking her up and down with hate in his eyes. “I can’t believe you.”

He stood from his seat on the sofa, and (Y/N) began to back away, still wary from the fight she had narrowly escaped from unscathed. Her every instinct told her that she should run, fire a round of silver bullets into his chest, but she steeled herself, doing neither.

“It’s not my fault— they were attacking a civilian,” she told him as he stalked towards her, his face twisted into a horrific scowl. “I tried to stop them— tried to find out what was going on— but then they came at me with their claws, and I was left with no choice.”

“There is always a choice,” he snarled, and it was then that anger filled (Y/N) from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head. "They were probably terrified of you— how could you possibly blame them for lashing out?"

(Y/N) grit her teeth.

“This, from the man who thought genocide was his only option to the same problem?”

Eren made a low, warning sound in the back of his throat, but (Y/N) pressed on.

“You would rather me have died?” she demanded, stepping into his space. “Would it have pleased you more for my body to bleed out on the pavement, ripped to shreds by an aggressive werewolf? Would you even care, or would you just find the next blood bag and move on with your life?”

“Maybe so,” he shot back, “Then I wouldn’t have to deal with your insufferable mouth.”

That stung— but if there was one thing (Y/N) knew how to do, it was to strike back twice as hard as she had been struck.

“Fine then,” she said, turning on her heel. “I won’t bother you any longer. I’ll go out and find someone who actually wants my company, someone who’ll fuck me good and proper over the counter at some hole-in-the-wall bar over on Easy Street, someone younger, with a nicer cock and less fucking baggage— ”

She didn’t get to finish the sentence, or even walk a single step further— Eren grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to him, his fist painfully tight against her scalp.

“Wanna say that again, to my face?” he asked, tilting her head back.

“I’ll go find someone else to fuck me,” she spat, struggling in vain against him. “I’ll spread my legs for the next available schmuck in the closest bar I can find, so you can hear me scream his name and not yours.”

It was a low blow, to threaten a vampire’s claim on something they had previously assumed had belonged to them, but (Y/N) didn’t care. She had almost died today, and she’d be damned if she was going to take shit from anyone about what she had to do to survive. If Eren wanted a fight, she would damn sure give him one.

“Like hell you will,” he told her, pulling her head back so that she had to strain to remain standing. “You’re mine. Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood— you are my Companion.”

"I belong to no one!"

Those words ripped from her throat and echoed throughout the empty house, and it was then that Eren stopped, looking at her with calculation in his gaze.

"You're right," he said, releasing her hair. "No mortal can serve two masters, lest they love one and despise the other; an archaic religious concept, but an accurate one nonetheless. You've made it abundantly clear where your loyalty lies. I was a fool for thinking otherwise."

(Y/N) began to tremble. "Eren, what are you saying?"

"I release you from our pact," he replied coldly, his eyes so dull and lifeless that it sent a chill down her spine. "No longer are you bound to be my wine-press— I free you from me."

"Eren—"

"Go," he commanded, and (Y/N) felt terribly, horribly empty.

Once, he would have told her to come freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness she brought him; now, he gave her a cold dismissal, and it frightened her more than she was willing to admit. Still, she went, feeling hollow and used, and she didn't bother to shut the door behind her as she turned to walk home, weary from the day and sick from fighting.

***

Armin had lived for a very long time, but even so, he had yet to meet anyone so foul of temper as Eren when the Hunger was on him.

"Eren, you have to feed."

The vampire, as ill in health as in temper, glared weakly at him. "I'm not hungry."

"But you are Hungry, and don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Look, if this is about that girl—"

"I told you not to speak of her!"

Ah, so it was about her. By the looks of him, it had been two weeks since Eren had fed; Armin would bet that he hadn't seen her in the same amount of time.

"If I need to, I'll drag her here to make up with you myself," said Armin testily, "I refuse to watch my best friend starve himself because he refuses to feed on anyone else."

"You will not touch her."

Armin rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything further. He just patted Eren's arm in farewell and set about finding the little lady who was the root cause of his current consternation.

It took longer than Armin had anticipated to find the young woman who had, for all intents and purposes, completely unraveled Eren's composure; her scent, while thick and memorable in Eren's apartment, was hard to track otherwise. Armin spent two hours just wandering the city while trying to catch a breath of it here or there, and when he finally did manage to catch a whiff of her scent and follow it to her, he understood exactly why it had been so hard to track her down.

The girl was a Hunter, of all things.

When Armin found her, she was knee-deep in sewage, her knife embedded to the hilt in the skull of what appeared to be some species of winged reptile. Armin, having been a tad desperate and not actually having been expecting to find anything when he lifted the lid to the man-hole on 32nd and Main, was surprised to say the least— and when (Y/N) ripped her knife free and readjusted her stance into a defensive one directed at him, his surprise turned to intrigue.

“Er, hello there,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t suppose you’ll take my word for it that I just want to chat, will you?”

Curiously, the words gave the woman pause. She relaxed her stance ever-so-slightly, and then her eyes lit up with recognition.

“Armin Arlert?” she queried, craning her neck up to see him. “Is that you?”

This one grows curiouser and curiouser, he thought, but responded affirmatively.

“Can you give me a bit, then?” she asked, kicking the corpse of the Creature she’d just killed. “I’m not exactly fit for company. Perhaps we could meet later for a discussion over tea?”

“I’m afraid it’s urgent,” he said as she knelt to decapitate her prey— likely for proof of victory. “I think you know why I’m here, so you understand that time is of the essence.”

She didn’t look up at him as she replied.

“If this is about Eren, then I don’t have time to talk.”

Her tone was hard, bitter, and matter-of-fact, and it reminded Armin so much of Jean that it hurt… but just like Jean, Armin would bet that she could be won over by appealing to her inherent sense of human decency

“He’s suffering (Y/N),” he said, awkwardly crouching above the manhole so that she could better see the truth written in his eyes. “He won’t feed.”

“That’s hardly my problem.”

And oh, how well Armin knew that state of mind. If there was one thing Eren Jaeger knew how to do, it was push away the people who loved him most. Armin had dealt with that particularly lovely quirk of his for centuries, and it never got easier to deal with no matter how much time passed. If anything, it got more difficult the older they both got.

“When you’re the solution to a problem, you become a part of it whether you like it or not,” Armin replied, patient and understanding. “He cares for you.”

(Y/N) looked up at him then, fury in her eyes.

“He hurt me.”

Armin shrugged. “He hurts everyone he cares about. It’s just who he is. Nothing comes for free— least of all the love and loyalty of someone as old and as powerful as Eren.”

“Your heart may be toughened to his meanness,” she told him, the head of the creature she’d slain in her hands, “But mine is not, and I don’t like him well enough to willfully remain for him to use as an emotional punching bag.”

At that, Armin couldn’t help but let loose a wry grin.

“No,” he said, “I should think not; but I do think you love him well enough to make sure he doesn’t starve himself to death because he can’t have you.”

(Y/N) was silent for a long moment, then she crossed her arms.

“I won’t come crawling to him. He’s going to have to come to me.”

Armin grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

“Is that at all negotiable?”

(Y/N) shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Well, there was nothing for it.

“And you will let him feed if he comes to you?”

(Y/N) thought, then nodded. “If he proves himself deserving.”

Armin couldn't help himself; he laughed. Eren might have met his match in this one.

"Very well. I'll work my magic, and you work yours."

She nodded and bade him farewell, but before Armin left, he paused.

"Hey, (Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

With that, he left her, ready to take Eren by the ear and throw him at her if he had to.

***

(Y/N)'s heart was racing as she opened the door, knowing good and well who would be behind it.

After her little talk with Armin— and the near heart attack he had given her in the process— she had called in to Zeke and told him she needed to go home to deal with an emergency. A replacement for her patrols had been sent, and she had come home to wash the grim from her skin, making herself as presentable as possible with the time she had. (Y/N) was worried, so worried, that the filth she had been wading in earlier would have left a lingering stench, or even that it had affected the taste of her; she had scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was raw, hoping to erase every last remnant of her day from her skin…but as it turned out, she needn't have bothered.

Two, three, four hours later, and Eren hadn't shown— it was only now, right at the six hour mark, that he had decided to come to her.

Needless to say, (Y/N) was… less than pleased, but when she opened the door to find Eren pale and drawn, with dark circles beneath his eyes, her heart softened ever-so-slightly. It seemed that Armin was right; he had been suffering.

"You look like shit," she told him quietly, opening her door widely to let him in.

"I assure you, I feel worse," Eren grumbled, but stepped in as she closed the door behind him.

For a long, awkward moment, they just looked at each other, silent and unsure. It was unsettling how unlike himself Eren seemed; he was almost soft when he looked at her, and (Y/N) didn't know how to feel about it. Eventually, though, like two opposite ends of a magnet, they were drawn together, and Eren brushed a piece of hair back from her face.

"Hi," he said, his voice low and rough. (Y/N) caught his hand in hers before it could fall from her hair, and she pressed it against her chest, keeping it trapped there, touching the skin above her beating heart.

"Hey."

They watched each other a moment more before the dam broke between them, and they both spoke at once.

"I'm sorry."

A shared grin, a shy laugh— and then (Y/N) said what they both were thinking.

"You need to feed first, and talk later," she told him, her hand still clasped in his. "You're not off the hook, but I doubt we can have any real conversation with you like this."

Eren nodded gratefully, tugging at her wrist— his usual biting spot— but (Y/N) shook her head, indicating her neck. The thickest, richest blood, she knew, would come from there; and if there was ever a time to be generous with the placement of Eren's bite, she figured that it would be now.

The worst of it was over quickly. There was a brief sting at the intrusion of razor-sharp fangs, and then the vaguely uncomfortable feeling of having something poking down into places that decidedly should not be poked at all, but then (Y/N) quickly eased into the rhythm of the act, focusing wholly on the way Eren's lips felt against her skin. In a few moments, she would become pleasantly light-headed, and then Eren would pull away and look at her like she'd hung the stars. Oh, how she'd missed that look! (Y/N) found herself longing for it even before she quite realized it.

And then, without warning, a vision came, and (Y/N) was swept into another world entirely.

The evening sky rolled endlessly out towards the horizon; it seemed to go on forever, sparkling with more stars than (Y/N) had ever seen before. The full moon was so bright that it cast the whole world in what seemed like silver sunlight, and (Y/N) wondered how anyone could sleep on a night such as this. It was far too beautiful an experience to miss.

Alongside her— alongside Eren, through whose eyes she saw the world— strode Armin and two older-looking cadets who she recognized from previous memories as Reiner and Berthold. Eren was feeling anxious over something, and Reiner and Berthold were… well, they were kind. Reiner especially seemed to be like an older brother, and Eren admired him.

"You'll do just fine tomorrow," said Reiner, placing a large, warm hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm certain of it."

The memory ended, and (Y/N) came back to herself as Eren's tongue laved over the wounds his fangs had left in her neck, sealing them.

"See anything?" he asked, his breath warm against her skin, and (Y/N) nodded.

"You loved them, too," she said softly, remembering the fondness Eren had felt as though it had been her own. "You loved the Hunters that tried to take everything from you, and— and I think they loved you, too."

Eren pulled away from her, and it was then that she saw the tears shining in his eyes.

"Yes," he replied, his voice broken. "We were children. How could we not love each other as God intended? Hate was never in our nature; it was an inheritance that we couldn't escape."

He paused for a moment, then spoke again.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he told her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I lost my temper. I forget— I forget that you're not them."

And (Y/N) understood. She understood that no matter how many centuries passed, there would be wounds that just wouldn't heal for Eren. He would lash out at things that wouldn't make sense to anyone who hadn't experienced the horrors of war as he had. Suddenly, she felt petty for having lashed out as she had, and guilt threatened to rise up and choke her.

"You're forgiven," she replied, leaning into his touch. "It takes two to tango— I shouldn't have baited you like I did. I knew how badly that would hurt you, and that's exactly why I said it."

At that, Eren cracked a grin.

"I expect nothing less from a Kirschtein. Your grandfather would have punched me square in the jaw— and as big as that bastard got when we were older, he probably would have put me on my ass."

(Y/N) couldn't help but laugh, and Eren joined her, their combined joy swelling until there was nothing else in the world but their happiness.

How they started kissing, neither one of them would be able to say afterwards, but in the grand scheme of things, it hardly mattered. Their love was too large to contain, too much to hold back— and it was love, (Y/N) realized, though she hadn't quite put words to it yet. She loved Eren Jaeger, a Creature, a monster, as much as her grandfather before her had and more. She loved him with a desperation that felt like being knocked over by an ocean wave and plunged into depths where her feet no longer touched the sand. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone before.

And, as he placed her gently on her bed that was barely big enough for two, divesting himself of his shirt above her, (Y/N) thought that maybe she didn't mind it so much as long as he loved her in return.

"I missed you," said Eren, dropping kisses by her ear as he unhooked her bra. "I missed this."

"Me too," she gasped as his mouth wandered to her nipple, her hands fisting in his hair. "Oh, God, I missed you too."

The time for words was soon gone, however; Eren's sinful, sinful mouth traveled lower and lower until he was kissing at the insides of her thighs, parting them to access what lay between, and (Y/N) threw her head back as he spread her open with his hands and sucked brazenly at her clit.

How long he spent there, worshipping her sex, (Y/N) had no idea; all she knew was that she came once from his mouth on her and a second time from his fingers inside her, and when he finally, mercifully withdrew, she was broken down to the simplest parts of herself; there was nothing left but an affection so deep that it threatened to overtake her if she didn't let it out, and she did the only thing she knew to do to release the overwhelming pressure that was building in her chest as Eren pushed his big, veiny cock into her.

She told him what she should have said a long time ago.

"Oh, Eren," she gasped as his cockhead shoved deep inside her. "I love you."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Eren went unnaturally still. He looked at her with pupils blown wide inside emerald eyes, and his fangs slightly distended; in any other situation, (Y/N) might have laughed at how surprised he seemed, but it seemed as though she were frozen in time, unable to do anything but stare earnestly up at them, hoping he understood how much she cared for him.

"You… what?"

"I love you," she repeated, her body moving without her permission to roll her hips up into him, moving his cock even further inside her. "Please, Eren, I need—"

He cut her off with a forceful, bruising kiss, and his hips started making slow, deep thrusts inside her, her legs hiked up over his shoulders.

"Again," he said against her lips."Say it again."

"I love you."

Another thrust or two, a hand circling her wounded throat.

"Again."

"I love you, Eren."

"Again."

This time, it was only a whisper.

"I love you," she said, and Eren began fucking her in earnest.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he told her as he thrust hard and deep inside her. "You're every man's dream, a nirvana the damned such as myself were never meant to reach. (Y/N), you are everything, and I—"

He seemed to choke on the words, and (Y/N) kissed him as he tried to regain his composure.

"I don't deserve you," he said, shaking with the force of their passion. "I don't deserve your love."

It's not about deserving, she wanted to say, It never was, but then she was coming again, her climax contracting her walls around her lover, and it was all she could do to remain conscious as Eren fucked her relentlessly through it all, chasing his own high.

It was only later, after a shower and something to eat that they finally spoke again. They were back in bed, and Eren's arm was wrapped around her, as though he were afraid to let her go for even a moment; truthfully, (Y/N) thought he was asleep, but then his breath tickled her ear as he said,

"I love you, angel."

And that, (Y/N) thought, had been worth it all, in the end.

#aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #eren x reader #vampire!eren jaeger #aot smut

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troublesomeshika · 4 years

Text

After all this time, I'm still into you

shikamaru nara x reader word count: 2k warnings: i think there’s one swear word?

You two had grown up together. You’d been the yin to his yang, that was the joke you two always heard. You had energy for days, and he was the laziest person in the village. Although you were able to get him moving, he somehow always managed to get you to mellow out. You were the only one who could pull Shikamaru from his spot cloud watching and force him to play ninja with you. He was the only one able to talk you out of your crazy ideas. He held you back from danger, and you pushed him out of his comfort zone. It was a perfectly balanced friendship.

In your academy days, you were able to keep Shikamaru paying attention in class, even if he did sleep for most of it. He likely wouldn’t have passed without you there by his side, bouncing your leg throughout the class. And whenever you’d get too excited to focus, he was able to ground you and make you concentrate on your work. Once you were placed on separate teams, it was harder to keep up your friendship, but something drew you back time and again, and it seemed to be the same for him. He’d see you running around the village and convince you to take the rest of the day off to watch clouds with him. You’d check up on him if you hadn’t seen him around, usually finding him napping. Forcing him to spar with you was the easiest way to get him up and moving, even if he did beat you most times. He knew how you fought, and even if you knew how he fought, you weren’t really one for complicated plans of attack. You weren’t quite as bad as Naruto, but you also weren’t hard to predict. The loser always bought lunch afterwards, and more often than not, your wallet was lighter after spending the day with him. The few times you’d managed to beat him, you’d held it over his head for weeks, not letting him forget until he’d managed to beat you again in retaliation. Through the years, you maintained this dynamic. No one was quite sure how you could motivate him so well and they’d often shake their heads at your polar opposite personalities, sure that one day the differences would be too much. But he was always your lazy best friend. Then you’d gotten into a relationship with Kiba. He perfectly matched your energy and was always up for a good fight. You two were unstoppable and you’d accidentally caused damage to the village more than once. But as you got closer to Kiba, you began to drift away from Shikamaru. Sure the two of you still got together now and then to swap stories and have lunch, but you had less time to seek him out, and turned him down more and more because of dates with Kiba. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be friends, but you both had more and more demands on your time, and Shikamaru’s friendship had just...... become less of a priority in your mind. You felt confident that you’d always be best friends though, you’d been through too much together not to be.

Eventually, your relationship with Kiba ended. You both loved each other, but a good relationship needs balance, and that just wasn’t possible between you two. Luckily, you’d both realized and parted on good terms. That hadn’t made it hurt any less. And so you’d turned to your best friend. Except that, he couldn’t be there. Not in the way you needed him. You’d drifted far, and although there was still love, you just didn’t quite know each other as well as you once did. But he’d reintroduced you to Ino, and you’d quickly hit it off. It began mostly with a mutual hate of Shikamaru’s laziness, but you’d gone on to bond more and more after that. You began to regularly visit the flower shop Ino worked at to go for lunch. Walking in you called out to her, “Inooooo! You ready to go?”

“Yep! Gimme a minute to hang up my apron.” She smiled, stepping to the back room, “Mom! I’m heading out for lunch, the register is unsupervised!” You heard a voice call back, but couldn’t make out the words. “Whatever, she knows.” Ino shrugged, stepping out from behind the counter. She looped her arm through yours. “Where to?”

“I don’t know, where do you wanna go?”

“I think Choji had mentioned that he and Shikamaru were gonna try out that new barbeque place that just opened- wanna see if they’re there?”

You grinned at the thought of barbeque, “Sounds good to me, let’s go!” And with that, the two of you strolled off.

You weren’t excited to see Shikamaru, it was still awkward between you, but Ino seemed to want to hang out with her team, and who were you to stop her just because you were afraid of an awkward silence. As you walked over to the restaurant, you made small talk with Ino, telling her about the mission you’d just gotten back from. “Ugh, I can’t wait till Lady Tsunade sends us out again. I’m so tired of sitting in that flower shop everyday!” Ino groaned, rolling her eyes. “Like, I’m happy to have something to do I guess, but it gets really old really- Oh there they are!” she raised a hand, spotting the two boys sitting at a table. “Hey! Got room for two more?” she pulled you over with her. “Yeah of course, are you gonna pay?” Choji asked, grinning.

Slapping his arm, Ino sat down next to him. “Of course not, pay for your own food!” She smiled at you, nodding towards the seat across from her, next to Shikamaru. You grabbed the chair and slid it out, sitting down. “So, what’ve you guys been up to on our time off?” Ino started.

“Nothing much, I learned how to bake which has been awesome. Now I can have cake whenever I want!” Choji exclaimed, smiling. “Nice, Shikamaru?” Ino looked to the boy next to you.

“Ehh, just been laying around mostly.” Ino seemed satisfied and launched into a conversation with Choji. You chuckled and under your breath said, “Now who’s surprised at that.” You kept your eyes trained on the menu, searching for a meal you liked.

“Yeah well, at least I can relax.” you heard quietly from beside you.

Your head shot up, looking at Shikamaru. “Oh? Well, there is a difference between relaxing and becoming one with your bed you know.” You cocked an eyebrow at him. His mouth twitched, a small smirk betraying him. “Mmm you’ve got me there. One of these days you’ll run out of fuel and end up sleeping for days, and when that happens I won’t let you forget it.”

“Yeah no, sleeping for days? Sounds like a drag.” You grinned, teasing him just like you used to, this time, feeling your cheeks heat slightly.

He side-eyed you, grinning, “You and your mouth never stop moving, isn’t it troublesome to be always going?”

You opened your mouth, pretending to be offended, but before you could reply, the waiter showed up to take everyone’s orders. The rest of lunch passed in casual conversation with the table, as you avoided looking at Shikamaru. It felt good to trade insults again, but something was still different, it wouldn’t ever really be the same, and you knew you held most of the blame for that.

When lunch finished, you offered to walk Ino back to the flower shop. She agreed, and you bade Choji and Shikamaru goodbye. Turning your backs on the restaurant, Ino grinned at you. “So?” You just continued walking, “So what?”

She groaned, “You and Shikamaru! Didn’t it feel good to be just like the old days? I remember how you two always were.” She knocked her shoulder against yours. “Haha, yeah I guess....” you trailed off, staring at the feet. “I don’t know though. It’s just not the same you know? It’s different. There’s still.... distance between us.”

Ino rolled her eyes, “You know, I still wonder, how did you two even get so far?”

“Hah, I don’t. It’s my fault really,” you proceeded to spill the beans on how you’d chosen your relationship with Kiba over Shikamaru’s friendship. “And now we’re basically strangers compared to how close we used to be. I hate it but, it is what it is, there’s no going back.”

She nodded silently before asking, “Wasn’t he your first kiss?”

You chuckled remembering the day. A soft blush covered your cheeks thinking of how embarrassed and nervous you’d been. Shikamaru had asked you after school, and you’d agreed to be his first kiss. You’d been hoping it meant that he felt something for you, but looking back, you knew it was just your schoolgirl crush clouding your thoughts. “Yeah, but that was just because we were both awkward kids and wanted to get it out of the way with someone we trusted, you know?” Ino scoffed. “Hey, Shikamaru was the one who had suggested it. You know he never saw me like that. And I felt that way for like, 3 months tops. Well, okay maybe more like 5 months.” Ino stopped in her tracks. You turned around, staring at her. “What’s wrong, did you forget something?”

“God you’re dumb Y/N.” She shook her head. “You really think Shikamaru just ‘wanted to get it out of the way’? I wish I lacked critical thinking, you seem so happy.”

“Hey what the hell?” Your brow furrowed. “He did!! He called first kisses “a drag” and said it was better to just be done with it!”

Ino walked over, grabbing your hands. “Sweet sweet Y/N. So much energy, so few brain cells. He liked you. For a long time. Anyone could see it!”

You shook your head, laughing, “Ino, I really don’t know what you think you saw, but we were best friends. Nothing else.” “Y/N,” She stared into your eyes, “when you started dating Kiba? He wasn’t just put out because you pulled away. He never actually said it, and he seemed to think he was hiding it,” she chuckled, “honestly I don’t know if he knew. But seeing you with Kiba, and the fact that you pulled away,” she pursed her lips, “it wasn’t a great time for him.”

You were shocked. You didn’t quite believe her about his feelings, but the idea that you’d caused him so much trouble and hurt brought tears to your eyes, which threatened to spill over. You shook your head and began walking away. “Ino, I just remembered I have some errands to run,” you raised a hand in farewell, “I’ll... see you soon.”

Your mind was going a million miles an hour, and even though you hadn’t lied, you did have errands to run, you weren’t going to get anything done. You walked, without knowing where you were going. You were lost in your thoughts, and you allowed your feet to steer you wherever they wanted to go. Finally looking up, you found yourself at a familiar clearing. Smiling sadly, you reminisced over the days you’d spent here when you were younger. Sure you were still always going, but your body had gotten better at knowing when you needed to take a break. And now, almost at a breaking point, your body had brought you back here, to the place you’d relaxed a thousand times. This time though, you laid down by yourself, feeling the grass prickling against your back. Staring up at the sky, you breathed deeply, trying to organize your thoughts. Clouds passed by quickly and the wind played with the hair around your face. “After all this time, Shikamaru?” you covered your face with your hands and groaned, “I can’t believe I’m still into you, this sucks. I was so sure it was nothing but a childhood crush, and now? Ugh.” You laid there, slowly drifting off into a nap you desperately needed. When you cracked open your eyes and sat up, the sun had disappeared and only lights twinkled in the village. You sighed, “Get it together, Y/N.” You weren’t sure if you were going to apologize, confess, or something else, but you knew you needed to see him. And so, standing up, you began your walk of shame towards the Nara compound.

･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

i just really enjoy listening to paramore and writing angst. honestly it’s not even that angsty imo, i was gonna make it worse but the writing gods said not to. n e ways, hope you enjoy!!

- ☆

#shikamaru x reader #shikamaru x y/n #shikamaru nara #shikamaru nara x reader #shikamaru angst #shikamaru x you #shikamaru #shikamaru nara x (y/n)#shikamaru nara angst #nara shikamaru #nara shikamaru x reader #naruto imagines #naruto #imagine #naruto imagine #anime #reader insert #x reader

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cannibal-witchh · 4 years

Text

"I'm No Hero, Lady"

Reader(fem) x Carlos Oliveira

Written by cannibal_witchh

Contains: Violence, gore, vulgar language, some fluff

Notes: I previously wrote a fluff fanfic about Carlos snuggling the reader in bed during a storm. The reader had a nightmare about the past which was the incident in Racoon City. This is the scenario that occurred when the reader is saved by Carlos before the end up together.

The previous story:

The city was cast in flames, the fire resembled an angry ocean of embers, quickly devouring collapsing buildings and destroyed vehicles. The decaying humans once recognizable, slowly met the fate of existing as the undead, as putrefing skin consumed them. There were several minutes of sickening screams, gnashing of teeth, buildings crumbling, and the blazing of an angry sea of heat. And the following after that was stilled silence, painful, vacant, lifeless, and numbing. The air almost seemed heavy, ears desperate and clawing for a sound to be stirred.

Several hours had past since a violent rage of a deadly pandemic disturbed Racoon City. You had been locked away in your supervisor's office at the museum, alone and terrified. You possessed no expierence in defense, you were simply a staff member of the local museum. It wasn't until an unfamiliar face offered you help, it was an incredibly risky gamble to take, but it was either be supposedly 'saved' or stay under a desk in a poorly protected office for however long.

"Y/N, I'm gonna need you to stay close to me, there's too many of those freaks roaming around, and from the little knowledge disclosed they are very contagious. A bite, maybe a scratch, will cause a nasty infection.", Carlos informed as you nervously followed closely behind. He was leading you through the south wing of the museum where the dinosaur fossils were displayed. It was eerie, the entire large room completely in darkness, and Carlos' gun light being the only illumination you both had. " Relax, I took all these fuckers out already. You're safe, lady. " he looked over his shoulder at you and gave a warm grin. It was hard to find complete emotional relief but he certainly was charming. His shaggy dark hair brushing on his forehead and above his brown eyes, his olive muscular figure, and his scruffy beard. He definitely was handsome and unusually young to be working in this field. " How many of them were there?", you whispered, darting your eyes all around the room, examining for any movement or noise.

" Maybe twenty, there wasn't too many."

" What about how many survivors you and your team found?"

" Sadly, just fifteen. Either civilians refused help and barricaded themselves in. Or they were found too late and turned into one of those monsters."

" That's awful.", you felt the sting of reality flood through your body. Just fifteen. You continued pacing attentively behind him as he held his rifle close against his chest. "Walk carefully over here, this is where I had to clear a group of them out.", he muttered as you both managed to enter the corridor leaving the fossil room. There were adleast ten dead bodies scattered along the ground. Gore staining the white tiles, the stench of expiration filling the narrow hall, and decoral tarnished and destroyed everywhere. Discomposure deluged your body, you froze, standing idle, and quivering. It was an electric feeling of absolute fear that paralyzed you. You would have to maneuver around carcuses that could still possibly be alive, and you were not in proper attire to protect yourself at all from their attacks. You dressed in a tight grey houndstooth pencil skirt, and a silk mint collared blouse. Definitely not fit for an apocalypse. Carlos turned facing you, realizing you had stopped following him. His expression was serious for a few seconds, and a few times he would glance behind him confirming nothing was there. " C'mon, Y/N, we don't have much time." He beckoned

" I can't, I'm afraid."

"I cleared all this hallway, I promise. I won't let them hurt you.'

"I'm sorry Carlos. I'm too afraid...", you admitted with humiliation.

" Lady, ugh...don't hit me ok?", he playfully smiled and swung his rifle around his back. He plodded over to you and quietly scooped you up against his chest. He let out a awkward giggle and started to regain his balance with your weight. For someone who just witnessed this horrible pandemic, killed the undead, and did this independently he sure was calm. It was comforting, though. "Sorry, but I'm not leaving you behind nor am I wasting time.", he glanced over at you, making brief eye contact. His eyes were soft, it didn't display the slightest fear, and his hair swayed side to side above his gentle eyes. For someone roaming around in rubble, blood, and sweat, his aroma smelled wonderful. He smelled of spices and his own sweat. It was strange but he didn't smell too bad. Carlos coggled back ahead, carefully stepping over corpses, and just as he promised, they really were all dead. Occasionally, he would bounce you up to gain more security when holding you. You draped your arms tightly around his neck to stay supported. His breathing was slow and quiet against your face as he carried you closer and closer to the exit. " Do me a favor, please. Please watch my back.", he requested finally making it to the exit. The exit sign flickered red, static occasionally sparking from the sign, and shimmering down onto the ground. You looked over Carlos' shoulder and with your relief, nothing was there. No rustles and no movements. Carlos was struggling to open the door, he continued to press against the bar of the wide door a few times until he finally gave up. " Fuck!", he quietly shouted as he stepped back from the door. He took a few more steps back until he had a little space between the door and him. He lifted his foot up and kicked out the door. The door rattled loudly and swung wide open. " Thank God,", he sighed in relief as he transported you outside the museum.

"OK, ok, you can let me go. Sorry, for the trouble. ", you bashfully removed your arms from over his neck, and he slowly lowered you to your feet. "Didn't like being held, huh? I'm just kidding, let's keep going.", he teased as he began walking down the alongated museum alleyway. The two of you had finally made it out of the museum, and the alleyways seemed relatively tame. There wasn't too many corpses lurking down it. And the ones that did approach the two of you, Carlos would resolve with a knife to their skull and quickly they would collapse. He tried not to resolve issues with his gun unless it was when it was absolutely out of control. A few minutes of carefully walking down the backstreet, there was an abrupt crash of shattering glass behind you. It startled you and you immediately drew your eyes to the direction of the loud sound. " C-Carlos...", you stuttered backing away in terror. The virus effected animals too. A large dog had launched itself out of the window, snarling and foaming blood from between its teeth. He stood in an agressively pose, not removing its eyes on Carlos or you. " Try staying quiet, Y/N. We don't need to attract more attention."

"P-p....please shoot it..", your eyes watered on the verge of a break down.

The dog darted forward directly at you, something yanked at your wrist pulling you backwards. Carlos had grabbed you leading you both into a full on sprint. " I don't want to fire off in such a small space. I'm not sure if other freaks are around and they'll go towards the sound. We have to be careful." He quickly clarified, dragging you by the wrist to the very end of the alley. The dog continued racing towards the two of you, snarling and barking loudly. "Carlos!!!", the dog jumped forward at you, nearly biting your arm but a bullet dove forward directly into its skull. The dog flew backwards in a pained whimper. " Shit!", Carlos cursed in frustration, he moved his head around examining all directions. " Fuck, fuck, fuck...we gotta go!", he gripped your wrist and began to guide the both of you back towards the middle of the alley. The dead had be drawn to all the barking and the gun shot. Unfortunately, a group was forming on both ends of the alleyway, and blocking any escape. " Y/N, look! ", a broken fire escape ladder hung in the middle of the alley, it was the absolute only opportunity to escape. Carlos squated down, holding his hands together to give you a boost up to it. " Go, go, go, ", he chanted trying to sound as hopeful as he could. You hoped up and grabbed the ladder, with as much strength as you could gather, you began to pull yourself up. The swarm of creatures got closer and closer and you feared for Carlos' safety. Come on climb already! He jumped as high as he could, latching on to the ladder, and pulling himself quickly up. He let out multiple gasps of air in exhaustion and then gestured with his head to continue climbing all the way up. "Let's get all the way up, away from these fuck faces!", you both felt rattling from the fire escape with each step and climb you both took. You felt unsecure having your weight, Carlos', and his equipment. Within a few minutes of climbing up very high, you both managed to get to the roof of the building. Carlos immediately dropped his gun to the ground and laid on his back. For minutes, he laid there breathing heavily as if he ran a marathon. You walked a few feet away from him, dropping to the ground, and covering your face in your palms. So many emotions churned inside your mind, you were exhausted, terrified, confused, and livid. What was going on? Tears began collecting in your eyes, you failed to suppress the tense emotions clenching your chest, your body quivering in shock, and you began to fall apart in your own hands.

"What's wrong, Y/N? Are you hurt?", a large hand squeezed your shoulder.

" No..., I just, I dont know if I can take all this.", you sniffed continuing to conceal your face away from Carlos'. You felt his large arms wrap around you, pulling you close against him, and he rested his head against your's. " I get it. I'm scared shitless too. But you know what, we aren't doing so bad. We've survived this long."

" I only survived because you decided to be a hero and save me! I would've died on my own. I'm useless!", you cried, feeling tears escape between your finger tips. "Woah, no, you aren't useless. Its not like every other day a random pandemic hits and you get used to this stuff. I've never dealt with this shit before in my life. This is new. Everyone is just trying to survive, you made it on your own for hours with no help. Don't be so hard on yourself." Carlos brushed his large hands against your arms trying his best to calm you. He wasn't exactly great with words but you could tell he tried to make effort. You lowered your hands, revealing your tired red eyes, your face sticky and hot from crying. You felt embarrassed but it was just so difficult to keep it together. " We are almost out of here, chin up.", he grinned, squeezing you against him warmly. " T-Thank you, I'm so sorry you're putting up with my shit.", you glanced from the corner of your eyes at him, too embarrassed to completely turn over to show your reddened face. " Stop. Look at me.", you obeyed his request, although it was hard, you turned to face him. " This is what I'm here for. I want to help and I am happy to help you. Its a plus that you're a cute lady running around in a pencil skirt too. " He teased patting the top of your head, ruffling your hair and giving a light hearted giggle.

Unexpectedly, Carlos' walkie talkie beeped and static flooded through for a brief moment. " Carlos, where are you? Are you alive?"

"Tyrell, I'm alive, surprisingly. I'm up on a roof across Racoon City's museum with one survivor."

"Good! I hadn't heard from you for hours wanted to make sure you weren't having too much fun. So you only found one survivor?"

"Just one. I looked in several areas in the B territory but either the survivors were barricading themselves and uncooperative or turning."

" Shit, well, the boss man says we have to make this our last run. Things are getting bad and we are borderline at max capacity. Hurry up! I will stall."

There was a beep following static and it then it ended. " Looks, like we have to go. I have to take you to the exit we made. There will be a bus and they will take you far from this city to safety."

"What about you? You make it sound like you're not coming?"

"My commands remain. I have to stay."

You felt your cheeks buzz with heat, he was directed to remain?

****

Carlos and you had waited on the roof top for adleast half an hour. He had given Tyrell an update before the two of you finally climbed down the ladder. Luckily, all the zombies had migrated else where. The two of you quietly hurried, it took nearly another fourty minutes before you finally saw a buses gathered by an exit. It was filled with a civilians, and surrounded by military workers. You felt relief hit you, as you saw other evidence of survivors and humanity. You looked over at Carlos, he turned to face you completely, and he placed a hand on your shoulder. "It was a pleasure helping you.", he smiled, squeezing your shoulder as he walked you to the bus. A doctor on his team examined you for any signs of infections before you boarded, thankfully, you were ok. Thanks to Carlos. You entered the bus and turned around to properly depart from Racoon City, and to depart from your hero. " Thank you, Carlos. You really are a hero.", you smiled displaying truely appreciation. Carlos chuckled for a second and shook his head. " I'm no hero, lady. Hopefully, I see you around. Hopefully, still running around in a cute pencil skirt! ", he winked playfully, as blush scattered across his face and your's. Was he flirting with you? "Just try finding me at museum then. Well, thank you, Carlos. Really. Thank you.", you leaned forward and pecked his cheek.

"Until then."

The bus door closed, and you moved to your seat. You watched as the bus began to leave, your eyes fixed on Carlos, as your view grew smaller and smaller of the city and him. You hoped maybe one day you would see him again. You hoped your hero would survive this. You believed he would.

#resident evil #re3 #re3 remake #resident evil 3 #resident evil 3 remake #carlos x reader #carlos oliveira x reader #carlos oliveira imagine #carlos oliveira fanfic #carlos oliveira #fanfic #resident evil fanfic

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

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cottoncandy-jester · 4 years

Text

✨Lie down darling its time for a dream✨

Payback (tanaka x male reader x nishinoya)

It's short but I just had the idea in my head

This story contains: flirty reader, poly relationship, angry forceful fucking, anal sex, dubcon/ noncom(depends on how you look at it, cheating depending on how you look at it, dumbification

A light chuckle escaped you as you leaned down to whisper something in yaichi's ear earning a shocked squeak from her, her face was turning red as she shyly looked down. You could feel your boyfriends fuming in the corner but you couldn't help it, it was like you just had to flirt but this time you were going a little too far.

You were sexy and they knew it, you had this crazy seductive aura to you that made you a sex god, it was painful to watch you force yaichi in your lap her hands on your chest as she shyly buried her face in your neck. You all were supposed to practice but the moment daichi and coach ukai stepped out you pounced on the poor girl.

"come on baby, you can't be that shy eh? Here let me help you" your low tone was making the girl shake as you guided her hands under your shirt and pressing against your lower abdomen before you heard two voices interrupting the two of you.

"oi! [Y/n]! New ya in the storage!"

"yeah get your ass in here!"

You gave a long sigh before kissing yaichi on the neck before moving her off you and walking towards the storage with a smirk on your face, you expected the two to be upset but easily submit to you like always since after all it was always you who took control.

When you stepped inside the storage you were met with tanaka slamming you against the wall growling in your ear, nishinoya was currently glaring at you with an expression expressed as rage. You simply smirk as you bucked your hips pressing yourself against tanaka seeing his eyes falter but he tried to stay angry.

"what? Didn't like when I practially humped little miss manager infront of you two? Sorry boys, but we both know how this is gonna go..you are going to be good boys and let me go since I'm top dog"

Your teasing tone only made tanaka more pissed as he pushed you to the ground before you looked back seeing the crazy gleam in his eyes. Your relationship with the two had very strict rules, you were always the top no matter what..truth was your body was highly sensitive to touch and being a bottom scared you.

you crawled towards the door only to be dragged back by nishinoya who quickly pushed your back to the ground and sat on you

"you're not getting away with this, we are fed up with your top dog bullshit."

before you could use your smooth words to get out of this you felt two fingers into your mouth as nishinoya used his other hand to rip your practice shirt off seeing your nipples, your skin was free of any marks and hickies unlike the two who were littered with them thanks to your aggressive topping.

"you're always so quick to mark us up but we can't do the same? That's not very fair"

Tanaka's statement surprised you and nishinoya soon moved off you, before you cwn scramble away tanaka moved behind you and gripped your hands yanking you up for your back to hit his chest as he locked his arms around your waist.

"you two! Let me go you know whose the boss here! Don't you dare!"

"what are you so afraid of? Eh? We are just going to give you the same treatment as you always give us..oh but you don't want that right?"

"it's cause their body is super sensitive tanaka, they think we don't see them cry when they cum cause how overwhelming it is. Their body is made to be a submissive"

You felt a hot mouth against your nipple and another mouth slobbing and biting all over your neck, you couldn't help but gasp as tears blurred your vision, you tried to kick nishinoya but he gripped your leg before sprading your legs now focusing on removing your pants while tanaka bit every part of your neck that he could now marking it up so much it looked like an animal mauled you.

"a-ahhh! N-no! Fuck, I'm the damn top here you assholes"

Your whines only fueled them more, nishinoya now biting your inner thighs as tanaka pinched your nipples and grinded against your back with a shaky huff, he licked your bruised and marked up neck before nibbling your ear lobe.

"what don't you understand, we are in fucking control so just shut the hell up already. Even if you say stop we won't, after all I think it's time for you to be put in your place"

You jolted when nishinoya started to suck you off but he wasn't being gentle at all, roughly bobbing his head and harshly grazing his teeth along your cock watching everytime you winced and sniffled as your sensitive body burned with pain and pleasure.

You shouldn't be enjoying this! This was painful and embarrassing but for some reason you were hard and moaning. Just as pleasure bubbled inside you that feeling was ripped away when the two boys flipped you over on all fours before whipping their cocks out.

"h-hey! W-wait- you haven't prepped! Noya, you're too big to not lube up!"

"sorry I don't take requests from sex toys, after all why should we care I mean all that dominant energy made you really cocky but you're just a fuck toy"

The libero's harsh words made you shudder and you felt tanaka grab your hair before shoving your head down as he slammed his cock deep into your mouth hearing your gagging.

Just as that happened nishinoya slid into your ass grunting at your tight hole, he didn't wait for you to adjust no instead he slid in more and more feeling your tight hole stretch around him.

"not so tough now, god why didn't we do this before? So damn good"

You glanced up at tanaka just as he said that seeing his face brimming with bliss as he fucked your face making sure you gag each and everytime, your muffled screams out bringing him pleasure while nishinoya slamming in and out of your virgin asshole.

"ah! You were so damn scared of being a bottom bitch but look at you now, taking it so well your body craved this. Needed to used like a little cock whore, our little slut"

Your sensitive body couldn't last too long and before you knew it you were harshly cumming but that didn't stop the two boys one bit, they it went faster and harder now fucking your holes with everything they got.

"you're gonna be our cute submissive boy from now on!"

"yeah no more of that topping us bullshit!"

His brain was turning to mush as all you could do was moan and whine loudly feeling the helpless feeling swallow you whole, you were at their mercy. They owned you, they were the ones controlling you this time.

"no one can touch you ever again got it? No more flirting, no more seductive looks!"

"you are our pet now so just shut up and enjoy"

You weren't even fully paying attention to them cause you were being fucked stupid right now, as your body went through a second orgasm you could only scream and twitch as both boys finally joined you and cummed.

Cum filled your mouth and ass before you were pushed onto your back, you gulped before panting heavily your eyes filled with fear as you looked at the two who were slowly starting to grow hard once again.

"you thought we were done?"

"nah. You still have a lot to learn, after all mutts like you need training"

#haikyuu smut #haikyuu imagines #tanaka ryuunosuke #tanaka and nishinoya #nishinoya yuu #tw: dubcon

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hannie-dul-set · 3 years

Note

hello its me again !! yesterday I told you I followed u bc of your love for jaemin and your funny humour but today I want to add something else, and thaTS YOUR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS !!

i just finished reading the masterpiece that is Top of the world and I'm so shaken up by the excellence of the rich vocabulary, the sentence structure and just the way you wrote the various events that happened. I'm such at a lost of words to express what I feel you have no ideas, I will never recover from the high quality of this story. it couldn't have been better than that what you delivered and I'm just so so relieved to have been able to live this amazing experience of reading such an outstanding story. I'm sorry maybe you're thinking im showering you in too much compliments but you deserves to be praised for having written Top of the world.

I will always be amazed with how people who write are able to wrote down their imagination and wow, im still shaking like.. Im so impressed by you you have no ideas 🙈

moving on, this is the first time ever since I'm reading nct fics on tumblr that I came across this characterization of jaemin, and it is a real take of fresh air in the best way possible even tho he's really such an asshole like wow the popularity did go too high in his head I was so scandalized (in a good way lmao it made me amazed) with how an ass he was and like the way he ordered around jisung ???? djjdjffjhf I- I wanted to punch jaemin so hard 😤 I wanted to dive into the story and beat his ass lmaooo im sure you too, like I was rolling around in my bed bc I couldn't stay still and laying down without reacting ㅠㅠ

I dont know at what length of words the ask can tolerate but let me tell you something before I forgot ! I realized that every situations/events you wrote had a purpose, like you didn't wrote basic actions that we would pass over without much attention, and bc of that you held our attention during the 15.6k of words and it was so much overwhelming I couldn't stop reading just to breathe lol, you kept me going for so long and I really liked it im so sad that I lived this experience and I couldn't live it again *sobs* this is so revolting I want to pat your head you did so so well 🥺

alsooooo, when you introduced yn's character in the beginning, I was kinda afraid that he would bully her physically you know, like I couldn't imagining you daring to write him being more than despicable than he was but thanks god that wasn't what I imagined fjdjfj, the way he exercised his 'dominance' towards someone he didn't know just for a seat lmao, wow he got some real balls ?¿ I was scandalized a lot fjjfjffj but I was curious too about jeno's character in the story, he was so chill (I think?) about yn's being involved with jaemin from the start and I was expecting him to be an asshole to her just like jaem, u know ? could we know your motives about jeno's character in the story ? why didn't you wrote him like jaemin?

I will speed up a little fjfjj or else I will write you 6 pages of my thoughts lmao

but yeah !! so, I really liked the contrast between how we perceived yn's outside facade and inside, like when he make her kneels in front of him, you made us look at her from jaemin's view and how she looked not so bothered by his behavior and then you switched the second after into yn's point of view and how she tried to not show her emotions... *mind blowing* 🤯 not gonna lie, I was rotting for her to not let him mess with her head but instead her doing that to him and it kinda worked fjfjfjf and then I knew the moment he was surprised about the non effect he had on her that it was the start of his fall anD I WASN'T A SECOND DISAPPOINTED

I FUCKING LOVED THE BLOSSOMING REALTIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM anD the slight graduation of jaemin's becoming soft to her oh my god I had hearts in my eyes. I loved every moments of this story (I loved the entire 15.6k words of it, I cherished them), but the pool scene toward the end made me go feral for a lot of minutes like the picture you implanted in my head of him in the water made me post all my thoughts (also blonde jaemin? as in, make a wish jaemin?, god I hope bc fucking damn, he was so so so hot)

I was so emotional at the end, they got together and just, being the witness of jaemin's character development was breathtaking, I couldn't stop thinking about how smooth you made it for his character development during all the story, it wasn't forced or too quick...

It was perfect

omg.... [CLUTCHES HEART]. help oh my god first of all thank you ??? for leaving such a LONG long review omg ???? made my entire day ?? week ??? HQGSBWJ IN SUMMARY THANK U AND I LOVE U FOR THIS AAAA i really appreciate it when people just ramble abt my works it just makes my drive go ⬆⬆⬆ yanno HHHH.

when i was first writing this is was like "oh gosh....is it....okay to turn jaemin this much of a dick?? IS IT??" like i was so SURE people wouldn't like this characterization of him but i literally got the reverse 😭 never expected anyone to jump with me on my asshole richkid jaemin agenda bUT HERE WE ARE....IT BEING MY MOST POPULAR FIC YET HAHSJ. i both hate and love this kind of jaemin and yes i definitely wanted to drag him down from his high horse while writing (at the same time....i will let him drag me around as he pleases too 😳).

i'm very gratified that u think its cohesive and each scene has a purpose because to be honest i didn't fuckin know where to go with this entire fic at first LMAO i was just in a richkid jaem brainrot after talking abt it too much with my friend and this was....the result 🕴.

as for jeno oh mr. jeno lee....HAGSNSK to be honest, as this fic wasn't rlly that deeply planned HAHA, i just wanted a contrast to jaemin's personality LMAO if he had the same personality as jaems....insanely egotistical god complex and all.....i think this would have turned out to be a love triangle AHAHS GM SKW. bUT— but hehe. i have another richkid fic in the dusty corners of my google docs rn. a 00’ line fic in fact HAHA so totw jaemin and jeno will be making a comeback here (ofc this is an entirely different universe but their characterizations are essentially the same HEHEHEHEHEH).

anyway !! thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts on totw ;o; 💞 this rlly made my day no joke HAHA i'm so happy to hear you liked this aaaaa. and yes. maw jaemin was the cause of all of this. something snapped in him during that era and led me to write this very self indulgent fic. thank u HAGHSKA.

#and no worries ur grammar is perfect !!! :D hehehe thank you once more aaaa and very sorry for replying late ;o;#💌: byunfirstlady #feedback #top of the world

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rohad93 · 4 years

Text

Moonlit Masquerade: White & Red Pt 1

Part 14 of the Moonlit Masquerade Series

It was the loud sounds of sawing and crashing trees that woke Eda up early in the morning in late August

"What the hell…," she grumbled, dragging herself up and out of her nest and trudging to the window.

Down below several burley witches in construction hats were clearing away a chunk of the forest just forty yards from the house.

"What. The. Hell?" She narrowed her eyes till she spotted Luz standing nearby looking over a large sheet of paper. "Hmm…" Eda hummed to herself.

She scratched her head tiredly and walked down the stairs, grabbing a mug of apple blood before meandering into the yard where the kid was.

"What are you doing?" Eda grouched, making Luz look after her.

"Oh, hey, mom." Luz smiled at her, but it lacked its usual perk, making Eda frown. “Overseeing the clearing away of the forest where the house is going to go."

"This early?" Eda scowled, squinting against the harsh rays of the morning sun. “They woke me up…,” she grumbled. “You’re getting your own place and you’re still waking me up…” she mumbled, taking a long drink from her mug.

"It's going to be hot later, we have to do it in the morning. They’re gonna get started on it next week… and it’s 10 am...” Luz sighed. Eda just shrugged as she drank from her mug.

“You’re supposed to be up anyway, you’re going with Amity and Mami dress shopping today aren’t you?” she asked.

“Oh yeah… that’s later though, right?” Luz nodded, looking back down at the paper in her hands. “Whatcha lookin’ at?” Eda peered over at the detailed lines on the paper.

“Their plans for the house the construction coven gave us. We had a meeting with them last week about what we wanted. See, here’s the top and bottom floor and these are the two bathrooms, and these are the rooms.” She pointed to the different boxes on the paper, showing both stories.

“You need five bedrooms for the two of you?” Eda cocked a brow.

“No, but Amity wants a study and I want a kind of workshop/office for my projects, and the other two rooms we’ll just use as guest rooms or storage until… we need them.” She shrugged.

Eda caught on quickly.

“Ahh, already planning on a couple of little witchlings, eh?” she grinned and Luz’s face tinted ever so slightly.

“We’re not even considering talking about it right now, no,” she said with finality. “We both do want kids, someday, so we’re just going to build the rooms now. Mami is the only one talking about babies right now.” Luz rolled her eyes.

“Smart, kid. You can barely keep up with yourself right now,” Eda cackled before taking another drink from her cup and Luz pouted.

“Keep it up and Mami and Lily are gonna be the only grandma’s my future kids have.” Luz stuck out her tongue.

That gave Eda pause, she hadn’t even considered that she would be considered a grandmother to Luz and Amity’s future children. It made a warmth spread in her chest that definitely wasn’t the fermented apple blood in her mug.

When she was quiet for a long moment Luz looked back up at her.

“Mom?” she called making Eda blink before she grinned.

“Pfft, who would teach them how to pickpocket then? You two are pretty good with arson and dismantling governments but you still have fumbling hands, Kid,” Eda chuckled, making Luz roll her eyes even though a grin was pulling at her face.

“Don’t tell Amity that,” she snorted.

“Don’t tell Amity, what?” They both looked up as the woman herself came walking around the house.

“Nothing,” They both said quickly.

“Yeah, that’s not concerning…” Amity smirked as she stopped next to them. “How’s it coming?”

“They’re almost done, they just need to level off the ground, and then we’re gonna call it a day, I gotta head to the market after.” She handed the blueprints to Amity, who looked them over.

“You’re not coming to buy clothes with the rest of us?” Eda turned to her.

“Naw, it’s bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding and all that.” Luz shrugged.

“You do remember that you are, also, one of the brides, right?” Eda smirked.

“Yeah, but dresses aren’t my style, I’m gonna wear a suit, so Gus and Edric are going with me tomorrow so we can all get our clothes. It’s just easier to treat me like the groom for the planning bits. Lily is gonna come with us though.”

“What, why Lily?” Eda planted a hand on her hip, frowning.

“Cause the three of us need a ‘voice of reason’ to keep us out of trouble.” Luz air quoted, looking at Amity, who smirked but didn’t look up from the blueprints.

“I’m a voice of… yeah, ok, no, good call,” Eda grumbled, taking another drink from her mug.

“I still think it would be fine…” Luz grumbled and that did make Amity lookup.

“The last time the three of you did something alone together you burned down three blocks in Bonesburough.

“It WAS a war…” Luz crossed her arms, pouting. A tree crashed, making Luz jump, her shoulders tense, the other two witches don’t seem to notice.

"Behave tomorrow and we'll see," Amity teased with a coy smile, handing back the blueprints.

"I'm not a child!" Luz snapped, snatching them back. Eda and Amity blinked at her in surprise. Eda's face turned concerned, but it was Amity’s that morphed into unconcealed hurt, and Luz frowned, hunching and turning to look anywhere but her fiancée's hurt face.

“Sorry, I’m sorry… it’s just…” her hands clenched on the paper and her eyes turned back to all the cacophonous noise the construction witches were making that sounded so much louder in Luz’s ears than it would most days. Today, every crash made her flinch and a quiet anxiety she couldn’t explain buzzed under her skin. “I think I’m just having one of… those days…,” she finally admitted, looking at the ground.

Understanding flashed on Amity and Eda’s faces.

Ever since the war, they both had days like this, days where things were just hard. Noises and lights were brighter and louder, made them jump and tense without reason as if waiting for something to jump out at them from around every corner.

She wasn’t sure if it was better or worse than the night terrors that sometimes made her sit up in bed screaming, drenched in a cold sweat, and heart hammering against her ribs hard enough that she was afraid it was going to break loose and waking the whole house as memories of bloody and flaming battlefields flashed in her mind.

Amity stepped closer, wrapping an arm around her back and Luz sighed, leaning her head on her shoulder, sinking into the warm, comforting touch.

“It’s okay, Luz,” she murmured into her ear and rubbed her back.

She sighed to herself, these days were becoming farther between the more weeks that stretched between them and the end of what was becoming known as the 'War of Reclamation', but that only made the days that did rear their ugly heads that much harder, made her feel like she was failing, she would be having a perfectly good time out in the market or laying in bed when memory would flash through her mind's eye and make her tense. She would be doing so good, and then one of these days would just smack her out of the blue.

She could tell easily when Amity was feeling it, she would clam up, stay in her own head for hours at a time, despondent. Luz had learned the hard way early on when she was like that that she didn't want to be cheered up, she just wanted to be left to the quiet, she would still want Luz nearby, though. She had figured she just wanted to be alone, so the second first time it had happened she went to the living room, leaving Amity in their bedroom, but Amity had followed shortly after and sat silently next to her on the couch, leaning against her. So when she had her days they just sat quietly next to each other on the couch or laying in bed while Luz read or watched dumb soap operas on the crystal ball, her hand in hers and occasionally squeezing reassuringly.

Luz was different, she would get worked up into a tight ball of anxiety and stress, and when it was bad enough, she needed to be comforted, and held tightly, reminded that it was all really over.

"It's not, I can't take it out on you when I'm… feeling off," she grunted. This was far from having a full-on episode, she knew how those went, she was just tense today.

"I understand though, Luz, you know I do, sometimes it happens..." She kissed her temple and Luz made an agreeing noise. "Maybe you shouldn't go to the market today…," Amity trailed off, running a hand through her hair. Some of the worst fighting in the final days of the war had taken place in the market and if Luz was feeling antsy today that could be a recipe for disaster.

“No, I have a huge batch of orders people are coming to pick up today, I have to be there,” she sighed, standing up straight.

“I can take your stuff, kid,” Eda offered.

“No, you’re going dress shopping with the others, it’s alright, I’ll be fine…” she smiled at them, but they both still looked unsure.

“Are you sure?” Amity frowned, looking down at her, worried.

“Yeah, it’s not bad today, just…” another tree smashed to the ground and Luz visibly flinched and Amity’s grip on her tightened. “... that.”

Amity bit her lip. She wanted to argue, but the fact of the matter was that living day to day with their ghosts from the war was something they just had to do. Letting the horrors of the past suck all the life and joy from their present was never an option, even when it was hard some days, but Luz had developed a habit of throwing herself into activities when she was having one of these days to try and ignore it. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it had disastrous results by only upping her anxiousness by adding nervous wood to the fire.

She let go of Luz and summoned her staff, Calliban came to life, crawling off the staff and Amity rubbed his head before he flew onto Luz’s shoulders and nuzzled his snout against her cheek, making her grin.

“At least take Calliban with you today? That way I can be with you in a way,” she asks and Luz smiled at her, that soft, loving smile that made warmth spread through her chest whenever it was on her.

“Yeah, I’ll take him with me. He and Mochuelo can keep me company,” she hums, pulling Amity back in close to press a soft kiss to her mouth. “I love you.” Amity wrapped her arms around her shoulders and mumbled the words back to her.

Eda can’t even find it in herself to roll her eyes at the two this morning, only watching them as Calliban curled himself around Luz’s neck.

The fact that the two’s palisman’s were just as attached to the other as their owners never failed to amuse her. Amity had essentially become one of Eda’s pupils over the years, even if she couldn’t really do magic the way she had once been able to, so when the two had graduated, Amity had chosen the same route as Luz had in following in Eda’s footsteps and carving their own staffs rather then accepting ones from the school upon graduation.

She could still remember the long nights they had sat on the living room floor working on them, constantly knicking themselves, in the days leading up to graduation.

“Is it supposed to look like this?” Luz frowned looking at the misshapen blob of wood that was her palisman so far.

Amity looked over and shrugged, still chipping away at her own hunk of wood with the enchanted chisel.

“I guess?”

Luz hummed, looking up at Eda on the couch questioningly.

“How’s this look?” she held it up for her mom to inspect.

“Not bad.” Eda nodded. “Keep working, you just need to focus,” she said, sipping apple blood out of her favorite mug and Luz sighed.

“I’ve never carved wood in my life, how am I supposed to get a palisman out of this?” she grumbled, laying back on the floor.

“The tools are enchanted, all you need to do is work diligently and focus your will into them, will them to create what you want,” Lilith instructed from her place next to Eda, overseeing the process.

“How will it even have magic when I don’t have any?” Luz frowned, wondering, not for the first time if this was a wasted effort.

“The same way I can still use my staff even though I can’t do spells on my own anymore, Kid. A staff carved by hand from the Isles is its own source of power, this wood is from one of the oldest most magical trees on the Isles, it’s been soaking up natural magic for ages. The ones they give you at school you have to power yourself, they're just conduit’s, but yours will have the wild magic of the Isles embedded into it, you’ll be able to use it, trust me.” Eda assured her with a grin. “Have I ever steered you wrong?” she asked with a confident grin.

“Uhhh…,” Luz hesitates and Amity snickers, while Lilith smirks behind her teacup, and Eda’s face drops.

“Don’t answer that, just trust me. You have a gift for drawing on the magic of the Isles, it’ll work.”

“Okay, okay,” she grumbled, sitting back up and picking up her chisel again and it glowed bright orange in her hand as she carefully resumed chipping and carving away the wood.

“So, what animal did you decide on anyway?” She cocks her head, watching the two.

“It’s a secret.” Luz grinned at her, and winked, Eda just smirked at her.

“What about you, Kid?” She turned to Amity.

“A dragon.”

“Ooh, that’s so cool, Amity.” Luz grinned at her and she smiled back.

“An interesting choice, Amity,” Lilith hummed. “Why a dragon?”

“Dragon’s symbolize power and wisdom, I want to be both.” she looked up at the older Clawthorne, who nodded, smiling.

“Oh, they also bring happiness and good luck.” Luz piped up.

“Are you a dragon now?” Amity mumbled, looking at Luz from beneath her lashes with a small grin, Luz pinked but grinned back.

“I can be your dragon.” she wagged her eyebrows, making Amity giggle but it was drowned out by Eda’s disgusted groan.

“If you two are just gonna flirt, you can work in your room with the door closed where I don’t have to watch,” she told both eighteen-year-olds, with a dead-eyed frown.

“No, no, we’re done,” Luz promised and Eda pretended not to see the wink she threw her girlfriend and rolled her eyes.

These two made her so tired some days with their love that she found both endearing and disgusting in almost equal measure.

The two continued to work on their carvings under the two sisters’ watchful eyes, Amity’s had definitely started to take shape. She shucked off another wood chip when suddenly the wood began to glow and floated above her hands as the wood began to flake away like paper before a perfectly carved dragon with a serpentine body and two stick-like horns dropped into her hand. The wood rippled and turned to flesh, the grain turning to golden scales and a blue mane of fur that ringed it’s head and traveled down it’s back to a tuft of blue hair on the tip of its tail. It’s two long whiskers twitched as it looked up at Amity with bright blue eyes that matched the hair of its mane. Luz squealed in excitement.

“Oh…” Amity stared in awe at the creature sitting wrapped around her palm, his tiny claws poking her skin.

“It’s waiting, Kid,” Eda told her with a grin.

“For what?” she looked up at Eda.

“For you to give ‘em a name.”

Amity turned back to the creature still looking at her, its head tilted as if in question. Amity chewed her lip thoughtfully.

“Calliban,” she finally said and the creature seemed to huff, smoke puffing out of his nostrils as he wrapped himself around her fingers.

“He’s so cute!” Luz squealed, scooting closer to look at the little dragon.

She held her hand up to Luz to better see him. the dragon looked at her before uncurling himself from Amity’s hand and flying over to land on her wrist.

He quickly crawled into Luz’s hand, tail wrapping around her thumb, and Luz bit down on another excited sound as she reached up with her other hand to run her fingers over his scaly body.

“I think he likes me!” She grinned.

“That’s no surprise,” Lilith chuckled from the couch. “A palisman is intrinsically attached to their owner. He can easily pick up on Amity’s... affectionate feelings for you.” she smiled and Luz turned her wide, starry gaze to Amity who just smiled, cheeks pink.

She returned Calliban to Amity’s hand and picked up her own still forming palisman with renewed vigor as the other three watched her chip away at it, tongue poking out of her mouth in concentration.

Within a few minutes, the process was repeated as the wood glowed and bits of extra wood fell away to reveal a dark brown and white spotted owl that sat on her arm and hooted quietly at her.

Eda blinked at the creature with wide eyes and tried her damndest not to get choked up as the creature flapped its wings. She feels Lilith’s hand on her shoulder give a comforting squeeze.

“Ay, que lindo!” Luz bounced excitedly.

“It’s adorable, Luz.” Amity leaned forward, Calliban nestled around her neck, watching the other palisman with slitted, blue eyes.

“I’m gonna call you… Mochuelo!” she declared and the palisman hooted, fluffing himself happily.

“Little owl?” Amity had to think for a second.

“Yeah! My owlet!” Luz nuzzled Mochuelo to her face and he hooted happily. Amity wanted to reach out and pet the owl but knew well enough that palisman’s were special things, almost sacred to their owners, and had a will of their own. She would need to wait until Luz offered or Mochuelo came to her.

Which didn’t take long.

Suddenly the owl’s head spun around on his body and he blinked his large golden-brown eyes at her before flapping his wings and gliding over to land on Amity’s arm. He hooted at her softly, large eyes blinking at her in silent request and she smiled, reaching up to pet his downy soft head, his eyes blinked closed at her touch, chirping. Luz pressed her fists to her cheeks and was grinning so hard it looked painful as she bit down on her happy noises.

“He likes Amity, no surprise there,” Eda snorted, watching the two play with their palisman’s.

What Lily said was true, a palisman could easily read your feelings for someone else, but that didn’t necessarily mean they mirrored them. Your Palisman was linked to you and you alone, she’d go so far as to say to your very soul, but they still had independent wills. The fact that the kids’ palisman’s already seemed just as attached to the other as their owners spoke of something much, much stronger between the two then ‘affectionate feelings’.

She glanced at Lilith who looked back knowingly, but neither said anything. Something to talk about another day.

“I’m going to go pick up your mother. Eda, we’ll meet you when we get back and head to town to meet the other’s.” she turned to her when she and Luz were finally done playing kissy face.

“Sounds good to me,” Eda yawned and turned to go back inside and change.

“Are you sure you’re okay going to the human world by yourself? I can get Mami” Luz looked at her as she spun a finger to make her ears appear rounded.

“I’ll be fine, your mother lives down the street from the portal, I’ll manage, you finish overseeing this.” she nods to the construction coven leveling off the ground for their house.

“Alright… just be careful.”

Normally Amity would roll her eyes, but she can see in her eyes how antsy Luz is today, so she only nods and kisses her cheek.

“I’ll be fine, querida, just wait here.”

“Okay.” She nodded. With that, Amity walked over to the portal door and Luz watched her until she disappeared. She didn’t like Amity going to a strange world she’d been to once on her own but she needed to finish this and it really wasn’t far. Amity could take care of herself

She took a deep breath and reached up to run her fingers over Calliban’s smooth scaled body and silky fur. His presence always did have a way of making her feel tethered to Amity even when she wasn’t there.

The construction coven was rolling the last of the trees away, thumping loudly on the ground.

There was a low, quiet, nervous buzzing under her skin, one of the tell-tale signs that she was having one of those days. Calliban growled lowly, pressing his body into her hand and she smiled, scratching his horned head as he tried to comfort her.

“Thanks, buddy.”

It was only twenty minutes, at max, before the portal door opened and Amity came walking back through with her mother as Luz waved at the retreating construction coven witches.

“Hola, Mami.” Luz grinned as she walked up to them and hugged her mother.

“Oh, is that where the house is going?” she asked once she pulled back and looked at the freshly cleared and flattened space of forest a stone's throw away from the owl house.

“Yup, they’re starting next week. Actually, it’s only gonna take a week, they sent us all their best builders.” Luz grinned.

“We still haven’t decided if we should move in early or wait till after the wedding like we told Eda we would,” Amity added.

“We still need to get furniture, a new bed, forks… spoons… well, everything really.” Luz chuckled.

“Well, I know what I need to get you as wedding gifts then.” Camila smiled.

“We don’t need anything from you, Camila.” Amity waved a hand.

“Nonsense, Carino!” Camila waved a hand.

“I mean… we could use some towels… or plates…” Luz said, Amity looked at her and she shrugged. Camila could only laugh at the two as Eda emerged from the house

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road!” Eda announced as she walked out of the house. “Oh, hey, Cam," Eda greeted.

"Buenos días, Eda."

Amity and Luz shared a confused look at that before Amity just shrugged.

"Since the construction coven left, I guess I'll go ahead and head to the market.

"You're not coming, Mija?"

"No, I'm gonna get my suit tomorrow with the guys," Luz called as she disappeared inside the house and appeared a few minutes later with her staff and a large bundle of potions hanging from it.

"Welp, me and the boys are off!"

"The boys?" Camila asked.

"Yeah, Calliban and Mochuelo!" She held up her staff and the tawny owl palisman came to life, fluttering his wings as he settled himself on Luz’s shoulder. Calliban popped his head up from around her neck. Camila ‘oohed’ at the small creatures.

“Amity and mine’s palisman’s respectively.” she smiled as her mother looked with wide eyes at the two magical creatures.

“What’s a palisman?” Camila asked.

“I’ll explain it to ya on the way to town,” Eda slapped a hand on her shoulder as she held up her own staff and Owlbert came to life, hooting at them.

“Right, I gotta get going.” She held up her staff and Mochuelo returned to the top, turning back to wood before she hopped on, floating off the ground.

“Hold on.” Amity stopped her, hand on her arm. “Promise me you’ll take it easy today,” she mumbled so only Luz could hear her.

“I’ll try…,” she answered honestly and Amity pursed her lips but nodded, at least her answer was honest.

“Don’t worry about me, mi amor.” Luz kissed her cheek. “See ya later, Mami, mom,” Luz called as she flew off towards town before Amity could say she was going to worry about her either way.

The flight to town usually helped Luz relax but today the roaring of the wind in her ears was too much and she almost stopped halfway to walk the rest of the way to the market. She frowned to herself, she hated feeling like this, just being constantly on edge and for no reason, but she couldn’t get her body to relax. Her anxious energy buzzed under her skin, quiet, but constant.

Luz managed to keep the buzzing quiet though as she set up her stand, Mouchelo hopped around on her stand, hooting at every passerby as Calliban sat on her shoulder, his whiskers twitching and occasionally huffing out a puff of smoke from his nostrils, his constant weight around her neck was reassuring, grounding, like Amity's arms wrapped around her neck, as comforting as it was though, she knew it could never quiet it completely, so she contented herself with selling her potions, busying herself with the hustle and bustle that always accompanied the market.

#the owl house #Lumity #Luz Noceda #Amity Blight #Eda Clawthorne #Lilith Clawthorne #Camila Noceda #gay #fic #toh

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rpmemesbyarat · 4 years

Conversation

RP meme from Tori Amos quotes

- Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.

- I think that people who can't believe in fairies aren't worth knowing.

- I know I'm an acquired taste - I'm anchovies. And not everybody wants those hairy little things.

- Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes.

- I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.

- The violence between women is unbelievable.

- I'm too wacky for most weirdos. Who am I to judge?

- If they keep crashing stuff into the moon, the moon's gonna get pissed off, and the tides'll change, and all the women'll start PMS-ing together. Then you guys are going to fucking regret it.

- If you really want a challenge, just deal with yourself.

- I don't see myself as weird, I just see myself as honest.

- I see the dream and I see the nightmare, and I believe you can't have the dream without the nightmare.

- Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much.

- Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.

- On some of my darkest days, Lucifer's the one who comes and gives me an ice cream.

- Most people would rather be sheep than stand on their own with antlers on.

- The sense of loss is such a tricky one, because we always feel like our worth is tied up into stuff that we have, not that our worth can grow with things we are willing to lose.

- When you've got the virgin and the whore sitting next to each other, they're likely to judge each other harshly.

- I think you have to know who you are.

- Get to know the monster that lives in your soul.

- Dive deep into your soul and explore it.

- I don’t want to renounce my dark side.

- The truth has always held an enormous interest for me.

- Healing for me is being able to sit next to the butcher and say 'Yes, I’m sitting next to the butcher now,' instead of saying 'there is no butcher'.

- This is very simple in the world of chicks; some are hoochies, some are not, and some should never try to be.

- We don't often see our own stories. Good artists are the ones that whisper our own stories back to us.

- Music is about all of your senses, not just hearing.

- Again, we go back to the power of words and how they can make you feel. They bring liberation or stagnation, they're chains.

- You don't have to apologize for growing and learning and changing your mind.

- Music has an alchemical quality.

- Certain relationships can just wear you down.

- Containment of your opinion is a must if you are going to nurture an artist's development.

- It's a good thing I'm curious, because sometimes I just research how a soccer player kicks a ball and the impact it has on his foot. I haven't used this yet, but I might.

- But over the years you can cultivate hate for the art you love.

- I don’t believe anyone’s story is boring. Every story has value because it belongs only to you.

- Sometimes I fantasize backstage about how people do their laundry. Woolite? Mixed-color loads? Do they fold? Do they press? Do they Shout it out? And the thing that kills me—do their whites come out dingy?

- Our generation has an incredible amount of realism, yet at the same time it loves to complain and not really change.

- We like our pain. And we’re packaging it, and we’re selling it.

- Festivals or radio shows can be the heavyweight championships of arrogantly detached clusterfucks.

- People who are addicted to power can live on the same street or attend the same school as us or even play on the world stage.

- None of us are this light and dark fantasy. What's dark to you may be light to me and vice versa.

- I don't think that many performers necessarily want to see their audience empowered. I think a lot of performers, no different from priests, need the hierarchy.

- Modern, celebrity-driven entertainment turns the stage into an altar, and so many celebrities refuse to be removed from those altars once they manage to ascend.

- All storytellers, all troubadours worth their salt knew their myths.

- The Sídh's historical myth is the source of the bastardized concept of a fairy—as if anyone gives a rat's ass.

- The problem with Christianity is, they think everything is about outside forces, good and evil. There's not a lot of inner work encouraged.

- Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore.

- I'm the queen of the nerds.

- Don't give up. Don't listen to these foolish critics that are so small minded they don't get it tonight.

- Sometimes listening to music can motivate you.

- I think even in a good marriage, especially if you stay together long enough, there are going to be events that happen.

- An ounce of breast milk is even more potent than the finest tequila.

- Music is always a reflection of what's going on in the hearts and minds of the culture.

- Many people lock a part of themselves away. It's a bit sacred.

- I've always seen the songs as having a consciousness.

- Our world is a huge mess right now, and not big enough for masses of intolerant people.

- We are all fairies living underneath a leaf of a lily pad.

- That is some funky-fresh, pop lockin' shit.

- If I saw someone destroy a piano I'd fuckin' kill 'em. Wouldn't think twice.

- I experiment with things that are usually an internal experience, because that's just what excites me. And yes, it does sometimes give me visions.

- Some of those trips were eighteen hours long and I'll never forget, once I ended up sitting by the bush trying to ask the flowers why they didn't like me. It's like, Why can't I be your friend?

- You might not like my story because I'm not gonna tell you how it ends yet, and you need to travel it with me.

- I just imagined a huge juicy vagina coming out of the sky, raining blood over all those racist, misogynist fuckers.

- You can't control your popularity

- If you can't create physical life, you find a life force. If that's in music, that's in music.

- I started to find this deep, primitive rhythm, and I started to move to it.

-I held hands with sorrow, and I danced with her, and we giggled a bit

- I usually get myself into situations that cause sparks.

- I love feeling alive, I love walking out in the cold in my bare feet and feeling the ice on my toes.

- For the most part, pianos are female to me.

- Anger is natural. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it.

- In our minds, love and lust are really separated.

- I think all the boys that write the screaming stuff would write the best love songs

- When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?

- Guys would sleep with a bicycle if it had the right color lip gloss on. They have no shame. They're like bull elks in a field.

- Your worst enemies are made when you ignore people.

- It's as if the horses have come to take us back, to descend, to find the dark side. By dark I mean what's hidden, not necessarily satanic.

- There's room for everybody on the planet to be creative and conscious if you are your own person. If you're trying to be like somebody else, then there is isn't.

- Sometimes you have to do what you don't like to get to where you want to be.

- You know that saying, bad things don't happen to good people? That's a lie.

- I'm not a habit, I'm a lifestyle.

- There are a lot of hidden nerds.

- People who become the front runners often used to be outcasts or loners.

- Um, don't get me wrong because I love boys, it's just that sometimes we don't need you.

- There are only ten ideas under the sun. What makes the difference is how you spice them.

- So I'm in Virginia, and I had crabs--I keep saying that! I had crab sickness, I had eaten bad crabs in Maryland!

- I'm a winter girl; I like coming out when things are desolate and everybody's ready to slit their wrists.

- You can only be you. A lot of times it's never enough for people.

- I've never played the guitar, except throwing it against the wall cause it was pissed off I couldn't play it.

- Truly, I was a sweetheart when I was little, like the Honeysuckle Faery. Sweet-pea. But sweet-peas are not popular after second grade. Sweet-peas become nerds really fast.

- I really enjoy having a giggle with a friend, but then someone crosses my line, then I don't really take it lightly.

- I sometimes forget I'm not 7'2" and a Viking.

- A boundary was crossed. And maybe I drew a boundary, consciously.

- It was a bit violent, a bit sexual.

- When nothing makes sense, music seems to come and bring me a margarita and sit down with me.

- You don't have to justify everything. Being pissed off is just absolutely okay.

- There is a level of the vampire in me, which is OK.

- It hurts me when a woman doesn't come through for me, more than a man.

- I'm a grown woman. I've earned my experiences, my scars.

- What is an angel but a ghost in drag?

- I'm beginning to accept and love the parts of me, of women that I was trained to hate all my life.

- People can be so vicious toward the imaginary world and it saddens me. You kill a lot of little people's dreams that way.

- Even if you don't read history or you aren't interested in anything that happened before the '60s, there are reasons why we think the way we do.

- That's how the story goes but I don't believe the story.

- I would find myself either the lovey-doveyest-woviest sweet pea, or a mad-woman.

- I believe in eating.

- You can't change what happened. And nobody's asking you to forgive.

- Why be afraid of these cuddly, soft, adorable things?

- I have good days. Like if I get really good coffee ice cream with just the right amount of chocolate syrup.

- A lot of people see themselves as victims, even when you have to stand in line for ice cream.

- It's so difficult to be critical of children because they need to discover themselves. We're always telling them, "No, the tree has green leaves!"

- I'm tired of being a rebel. Now I just want to be me.

- When things get really empty for me, empty in my outer life, in my inner life, the music world, the songs come across galaxies to find me.

- Do you know what it's like to be a girl and have blood running down your legs and think that you're dying, just because no one's told you that's what happens? It's horrible.

- An angel's face is tricky to wear constantly.

- Mess with me and you will not survive.

- I think that happiness is when you can let yourself feel every emotion you want at any time instead of being a lying little fuck.

- I'm not into this dieting thing.

- The cross has been used as a weapon, as it has been used against all women throughout the ages. And that's the greatest evil of all.

- I think you've got to find a giggle somewhere in stuff that would scare the poop outta ya.

- A cornflake girl is Wonderbread whereas a raisin girl is whole wheat bread.

- I would like to think I'm a raisin girl, because in my mind they're more open minded. Cornflake girls are totally self centered, don't care about anything or anybody.

- I like butter and the people who like butter."

- I'm known as that girl who has tea with the Devil.

- I'm not afraid of sadness.

- Everybody has creativity and each person has it in a different way. Some people aren't musical, some musicians can't even think about painting or gardening. There's so many different ways to be creative.

- I wanna be burned, definitely burned, like the witches.

- Give the kids tools, so they can go build their own houses; not the blueprint of what the houses should be.

- Look at me now. I'm breast feeding pigs.

- I wish I had more of a sense of humor.

- I can be so hard on people.

- If somebody's being a jerk, I would like to go wee on their head. And then I do that, mentally.

- The people on the internet know more about what I am doing than I do. Like, they will say that I am going to be in this mall on this day, and sure enough, I am there!

- I'm like a lioness who kills her own prey and no one else has to kill for her. But if some other lioness comes to me and says "I just got a good prey, do you want a piece?" I can say "of course" - and the other way around.

- There are things that I would disagree with Jesus about, and I feel really good about that.

- History has recorded some pretty nasty things that have happened to people. I think we remember. I think it's in our cells and I think it can still hurt sometimes."

- I don't believe in the saying that it all happens for the best, it's just not appropriate.

- Of course I believe in past lives, I mean, three quarters of the human race believes this, it's not like a great new thought here.

- I use innocence in my demeanor like a Venus flytrap.

- I do like to talk about things no one wants to hear at the dinner table.

- I'm not interested in being a really nice person; I want to be a creative, responsible person that's balanced.

- Boys are cute but food is cuter

- Do any of you dream about crocodiles?

-I know I dream about crocodiles. I'm obsessed with them.

- If people can't see things from the other side that's not my problem, it's theirs.

- I think I give equal time in my hatred, right?

- Sometimes I'm mad at some guy, sometimes I'm mad at some girl, and sometimes I'm totally loving some guy, so and sometimes I'm loving some girl.

_ Well, Pele is the volcano goddess and I thought of like, um, sacrificing some of the boys in my life to her but then I decided that that wasn't really a very good idea.

- Anger originates from envy and outrage, not being seen, not being heard.

- We don't know where souls go when they die. We don't know a lot of things. We didn't create the planets. We didn't do this all by ourselves. So, therefore, why wouldn't there be a creative force if it can create humans and planets?

- I've been hanging out with some of the Hell's Angels in England. They're some of the sweetest people I've ever met.

- Real friends have to be understanding of each other, and their faults.

- I think I'm really hard to get to know on a personal level.

- Thailand is calling me.

- People I see laughing all the time, check for razor blades in their anal-force underwear, because it's just a little lie.

- I'm not interested in taking drugs. I do hallucinogens once in a while for journey experiences.

- I hear the wine. It's like a structure. I see it as a piece. I hear it before I taste it. It's calling me. And then I start to hear it when I'm tasting it.

- Not that I use crystal suppositories, I'm not New Age.

- A peach tree says, 'Some of me will be juicy and some of me will be dry I'm not growing for you; I grow because that's what I do.' You always hear some person complain about how dry their peach is and the peach says, 'It's not our fault you have no understanding on the proper use for dry peaches.'

- My theory is that women were the Mona Lisas for a long time and now men are Mona Lisas with little goatees. They are our muses.

- If you're gonna tell a story, you have to grow into the head of the rapist as well as the raped.

- He was a lite sneeze, and not the flu. Most boys would like to think they're the flu, wouldn't they? But they're really just a achoo.

- If you call me an airy-fairy new age hippy waif, I will cut your penis off.

- It's a double-edged sword and if you pretend you don't want it you're a liar and that is going to rip your soul to pieces.

- I'm always dreaming that these bulls are chasing me. Half the time I don't get away - I almost get over the fence, and then they gore me.

- I believe in energy, everything is energy. And therefore sometimes magic can be created if somebody is open to letting energy do what it does, instead of being so cynical, that you miss magic happening.

- I feel like a work really has many sides to it when people have such extreme reactions. When a work is greeted with just, 'Oh, you know, it's nice', then it's not affecting people. So love it or hate it, that's okay.

- I am a real believer in looking at pain and taking it out shopping.

- The music is the magic carpet that other things take naps on.

- I just try to strip myself, peel myself like an onion. At different layers I discover stuff.

- Why is the world where it is? It's so deep-rooted, if we really start looking, and we might not like what we find. But I think we have to, we have to ask the questions.

- I'm beyond the fury of youth.

- I love young women who are angry. They're wild mustangs.

- I didn't want her looking and hearing me and thinking, "Oh my God, that's a scary lady!"

- They felt that it was detrimental material for their children and that it was blasphemous.

- They've decided they kinda' have you figured out.

- My nightmares are so bad, that I mostly reject it when my friends want to take me to a cinema to watch a horror movie. Then I say, "No, thank you. I will dream in a few hours."

- I don't know of anybody who's gonna be fulfilled if they get hit by a bus. You have to surrender to that eternal need to be fulfilled.

- How do you know I'm not having a margarita with Jesus tonight at 10 o'clock?

- Let's be honest, religion has not supported women and men exploring all sorts of their sides, their unconscious. It has not been supportive of, you know, go into the places without shame, without blame, without judgment, and just let yourself really see what's cooking in there.

- I think human beings are so much more capable of what they told us we're capable of.

- Anyone can attend yoga, kabbalah classes, church, lectures by the 'Dalai Lama', yada, yada, yada - but can you be present for your life, and live with the way you treat other people?

- Only a few people should have a "greatest hits". I'm not one of those people.

- I feel like our leaders have hijacked America's personality, and taken her to personality plastic surgery school. And they decided this is who she is.

- The playground is the biggest war-zone in the world.

- You have to read visionaries to have visions.

- They squash the baby bird because their bird got squashed.

- I love reading. I'll read the first sentence and if it makes sense to me I pick it up.

- It's ridiculous saying there's only one true faith, it's like saying there's only one map to get you up the mountain. I want to see those other maps, man.

- I kinda have all the aspects of my personality round one table for spaghetti.

- If it's too loud, turn it up.

- I was doing drugs with a South American shaman, and I really did visit the devil and, well, I had a journey.

- There is no passion without broken crockery.

- You have to ask, how could a nation nearly vote in somebody who isn't qualified for the job?

- We're living in a frightening time and I wish people would wake up and realise they're surrendering their civil liberties.

- Who wouldn't want to shag a queen?

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #tori amos #tori amos quotes

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fuckyeahisawthat · 4 years

Note

I was wondering about your thoughts on Primo and Fifty. The first time I watched, their initial interaction seemed so flirty that I was sure there'd been something between them in the past. As two that didn't really fit in Calabria, it makes sense that they might have been close at some point. Fifty clearly realizes that Primo is going to cause him trouble somehow, and Primo complimenting his appearance is probably just to butter him up, but Primo gazes so wistfully at Fifty that I don't know whether I'm just wearing my slashgoggles or if anybody else sees this.

Hmmm personally I don’t get a flirty vibe from that scene at all. It seems clear to me that Fifty is very uncomfortable around Primo; to him I think Primo is the scary cousin who, if he shows up you know you are gonna get dragged into some situation where you’ll feel like you’re about to get murdered approximately 87% of the time, and you won’t be able to say no. Like, Fifty knows from the start that Primo is not there to have a coffee and a chat; he is there because he wants something from him and he’d rather cut the suspense and know what nerve-wracking thing he’s being asked to do this time.

I think Primo is in this very isolating situation where almost all the people who know anything about him are afraid of him. And on the one hand he’s very conscious of that, and he actively uses his ability to scare people to get what he wants frequently, as he does in this scene with Fifty. Like, he falls back on intimidation as his default mode of interaction with other people a lot.

He also seems like someone who is just...incredibly desperate for genuine human connection, but he doesn’t have a lot of models of how to get it. I am genuinely not sure if he has any relationships in his life that are not transactional, where he shows up when he wants something from someone or they show up when they want something from him. And it’s not just that he gives off the vibe of someone who did not grow up in a particularly warm and loving family environment. His whole world is a transactional one, where business and family are the same thing, business bleeds into all aspects of people’s social lives, and the organizational hierarchies of this crime syndicate are overlaid on top of family relationships. That would fuck up anyone’s sense of how interpersonal relationships are supposed to work, but especially someone who didn’t have many, or any, good models for other ways of relating to people.

So he’ll make these attempts at friendly behavior in totally inappropriate situations, like genuinely wanting to sit down and have a coffee with Fifty, or genuinely wanting to know what some terrified gas station attendant thinks of his paper airplanes. But obviously those scenarios are not going to work, because you can’t have a genuine and equal connection (even a single-serving one) with someone who’s afraid of you. And when that doesn’t work for him it’s really easy for him to get frustrated and slip back into the pattern he knows, which is intimidating people.

(continued under the cut because wow this got long)

This is one of the reasons it’s so interesting watching him interact with Little Paul. Because the one thing we learn about Paul from the very beginning is that he can and will make friends with anyone, of any social class, in any circumstance. So he charms his forbidding billionaire grandfather by figuring out they can talk about art together. And he treats the staff at Sutton Place like actual human beings which they are clearly not used to. And he seems to genuinely want to understand the situation of his grandfather’s weird harem of girlfriends and talks to them like people instead of treating them like props.

And so he just happens to be the kind of person who, once he understands that he’s not in immediate physical danger, can totally have a shadow puppet group hang with his kidnappers and have it feel like a genuine social interaction and not something they are creepily forcing him to do. And you can see that Primo is SO into it! He’s got this incredibly unguarded, almost childlike engagement with that shadow puppet story. You just get the sense that his life doesn’t allow him to have many of these type of interactions.

And oh boy this is already super long but I do want to say one thing about Primo and Fifty being the ones who didn’t belong in Calabria. Because for Fifty I think that’s definitely true. I tend to think that his branch of the Nizzuto clan has either been in Rome for some time, or that he left Calabria when he was pretty young. (They refer to themselves as cousins but I think it could easily be the thing in big extended families where like, everyone approximately in your age cohort is called your cousin and everyone in your parents’ generation is your aunt/uncle, regardless of where on the family tree they are.)

When Fifty is in the village for the confirmation he just looks so out of place there. Like yes he has other reasons to be nervous that day but he gives off a very distinctive “ew sheep” vibe. He does not look comfortable with rural life at all.

Whereas I think as much as Primo likes to style himself as modern and urban and fashionable, and absolutely HATES the idea that someone would look at him as some kind of country rube, or, as he puts it “a fucking farmer”...he is still incredibly comfortable in the environment of Calabria. Like no matter what dope threads he is wearing he never looks unprepared to climb a mountain. Two-day manhunt through the woods with dogs and hunting rifles? Yeah let’s go, don’t even need to change my shirt. Hangout in the goat cave that has an abandoned tank in it for some reason? Sure I’m down. Like, he knows this world and he moves around it with ease. Which means the metric on which he doesn’t fit in is entirely social.

#asks answered #trust fx #primo nizzuto #fifty #headcanons #dillydallyttante

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peacockwinchester · 3 years

Text

Mairon/Sauron x Misha

Remembered that I have literally never posted a oneshot of my most hammered out story. I have been in love with Mairon for a couple years, he is my comfort character and this story is probably my most well-developed and longest running one. Anyway, I hope it is good!!

Warnings: Relationship issues, general LOTR things, heights, angst with happy ending, actually no curses (Wow, Misha what are you doing?!)

~Misha~

I had been invited (more like summoned) to Imladris by my niece, Galadriel. I had already been made aware of the stirrings near Mordor, and I had had many dreams of my husband, even though he would still be without a body for a long time. Beleg had come with me, since he liked the company of Elrond's sons and Glorfindel.

We were greeted at the entrance by Lindir.

"My lords," he greeted us.

"Lindir," I nodded.

"To what do we owe the pleasure? We had not expected you," Lindir asked politely, though I could sense his unease.

"We were asked here by my niece," I replied. "We won't overstay our welcome."

It was always icy with our kin, even after all these centuries. Such was the curse of my family. Lindir nodded briskly and stepped aside so we could enter. We were almost immediately greeted by Galadriel.

"Welcome," she smiled at Beleg and I, speaking in Sindarin, "I hope Lindir didn't give you too much trouble. He is... untrusting."

"Who isn't untrusting of us?" Beleg scoffed.

"There are many, myself included," Galadriel assured us.

"Why did you ask us here?" I inquired.

"A party of dwarves is coming our way. They are led by Olorin, who I believe has worrying news for us. I was summoned here by Saruman."

"Worrying things are beginning across the land. I assume you and Elrond will want my observations?"

"Yes, but you will not speak to Saruman?"

"I feel evil in him, much like my Atar," Beleg explained.

"He has been acting strangely, but we must not jump to conclusions," Galadriel frowned.

"Perhaps," Beleg pursed his lips. "I will leave you to the talking, I am going to look for Glorfindel."

"Alright," I nodded.

Galadriel led me to the council room, where Elrond was discussing the tidings with Saruman. I felt a similar feeling to Beleg's. Saruman had been striking me as off for a while, but I also understood Galadriel's desire to keep the peace.

When we arrived, Elrond stopped what he was doing.

"Lord Misha," he nodded, "Galadriel."

"It is good to see you, Elrond," I smiled.

"Why have you come?" Saruman frowned.

"Galadriel asked for me. It would likely be beneficial to have my experiences. She also tells me Olorin is coming with a party of dwarves," I narrowed my eyes at the white wizard.

"Very well. What have you seen?" Elrond cleared his throat.

I sat down across the table from my long removed nephew and sighed. Galadriel also took a seat at my side.

"I have been having dreams," I steepled my hands under my chin.

"What sort?" Elrond frowned.

"Troubling for our cause. I have seen my husband many times in my sleep. He speaks to me often. I know he will still need time to regain his full power, but his progression is worrying."

"Do you mind telling us what he says?"

I pursed my lips and looked at my hands. To tell the truth, most of what Mairon talked to me about was insignificant. It was the sort of conversations one has with roommates or after one gets home from work. Just like the old days... He sometimes reminisced about times we had shared together, like the weeks he spent healing me or our time in Valinor. I didn't think any of that was vital to our cause.

"I... All I know is that despite all his sentiments towards me, he isn't going to stop," I shook my head slightly.

Elrond and Galadriel seemed to pick up on my unease and quickly dismissed the council.

There was almost always a feast at Elrond's house, and tonight was no different. Afterwards, Beleg and I spent some time in the Hall of Fire, before I decided to go to bed. Beleg and I had been given rooms close to each other. I entered mine and put on my night shirt. My bed was comfortable, and I fell asleep relatively quickly.

I opened my eyes to see that I was still in my guest room. However, I knew I was dreaming because on the end of my bed sat Mairon. He looked over at me, smiling slightly.

"I always look forward to visiting you," he said.

"I know," I sighed.

"You're troubled..." Mairon frowned at me.

"Of course I am, Mairon!" I scowled. "How could I not be troubled?! You're trying to take over the world and basically kill my people, not to mention everyone else!!"

"Misha- I don't want to kill everyone! I just want to show everyone that we deserve respect, and order!" Mairon argued.

"Mairon, no one will ever respect us if you keep this up! I'm sorry, but I just can't keep acting like you've done nothing wrong. Because you have done so much... and I don't know if we'll ever be the same..."

Mairon sighed and looked away from me.

"I know..." he said quietly. "But they listen to me... The orcs truly listen to me, not like Aule or Melkor who pretended to. Misha, I'm finally important, and I'm not going to stop, because everyone in Middle Earth needs to know how important I am. How important my family really is."

"Mairon," I stopped him by putting a hand up, "Until you stop and you face the consequences of your actions and the actions you're planning on taking... I can't see you. So, please leave me alone..."

Mairon looked stunned at my words, like I had just physically impaled him. But I knew he understood, or he would in time, and he left.

..... Continuity? We don't know her. Time for the destruction of the Ring.....

I had never actually been to Mordor, even after all these years. It was a barren, volcanic wasteland. Looming over everything was the volcano itself and Barad-dur, which was a replica of my own home. My whole head was a hurricane of emotions. I was scared, scared that we would fail, scared of what would happen if we won... Scared to see him.

Frodo and Sam were at my side, disguised in orc armor. But everything was deserted. I swallowed my fear and hesitation and put a hand on Frodo's and Sam's shoulders.

"You two do what we came here to do. I believe in you," I smiled at them.

"What are you gonna do, Mx. Misha?" Sam frowned.

"I'm going to see him," I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"Good luck then," Sam shook my hand.

"You too. I'll see you on the other side," I saluted the Hobbits, before jogging up to Barad-dur.

I stopped just short of the gate. Would he come with me? Would he be too proud to admit defeat and serve time for his crimes? Would everything be too much for our relationship? Almost shaking, I pushed open the giant black gate.

Centered with the door was a large, dark throne, on which sat the person I had been waiting for and dreading seeing simultaneously. I knew it was him by the shock of golden hair and the way he sat. When he saw me walk in, he stood immediately and descended the throne. He didn't come closer yet, probably in fear of my anger. But after all these centuries, I just wanted everything to be over and to heal.

"Misha," Mairon said.

"Mairon," I replied.

"Why did you come?" my husband asked.

"I want to offer something."

"Oh?"

"I want you to come home with me. We can work through everything and you can begin to mend what you've broken. I spoke with Manwe in my dreams, and he's willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I just... I just want all this to end..."

Mairon sighed, finally coming closer. He stopped just in front of me.

"You came with the Ring, didn't you?" he said.

"Yes. Surely you know you can't win," I crossed my arms. "My friends are taking it to the mountain now. There isn't time to stop them."

"I know," Mairon sighed, "Eru, you always were smarter..."

"So?" I held out my hand between us.

Mairon looked at my hand for a long minute, and I almost though he wouldn't take it. I convinced myself he wouldn't and began to prepare to deal with that. I was pulled out of my wormhole by the warm weight of Mairon's hand in mine.

"I'll come with you," he affirmed. "Nothing will ever erase the damage I've done, but I want to start over. I want... to be a family again."

I felt tears slip out of my eyes unwittingly, and as I looked at him, I saw Mairon was crying a bit too. The weight of all the years without him and all the years of wondering whether we would ever be able to be something again finally hit me and I let go of Mairon's hand to throw my arms around him. Mairon held onto me as tightly as he could.

We just stood there for what seemed like an eternity, before Mairon's grip loosened. I let out a gasp, like the air had just been knocked out of his lungs. His knees buckled and I struggled to keep him upright.

"Mairon?!" I asked, panicking slightly.

"Misha... The-the ring's gone..." Mairon breathed.

"Are you gonna be ok?" I asked fearfully.

"I mean.... Probably??"

"Are you sure?"

"Meh."

It was clear that he was a bit loopy right now. I felt a shower of dust fall onto me and I started coughing. I looked up to see the ceiling begin to crumble.

"Mairon!!" I cried.

My husband, clearly out of it, barely managed to throw up a shield to protect us. When the dust settled, we were under a mountain of rubble. Mairon used what little power he had at the moment to burst the shield and throw rubble off of us. When I could see the sky, I hauled Mairon to his feet (he could barely stand and he ended up leaning heavily on me) and began dragging us out of the ruins of Barad-dur.

Once on top, I let out a string of Quenyan curses. The volcano was erupting and lava was pouring out of it, heading towards us. Overhead, I saw large birds circling. Two swooped down on teh side of the mountain and another began descending towards Mairon and I's position. I had only enough time to yelp and squeeze my eyes shut as the giant eagle picked us up.

"Misha?" I heard Mairon ask.

I let out a strained panicked noise and kept my eyes shut. I happen to be deathly afraid of heights, and I did not trust Manwe's eagles one bit.

"Netya hanu, you're ok, I think. I might be dying, actually, um....." Mairon tried to reassure me, despite him being completely out of it.

"Did... did you just call me... pretty boy?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Did I? Oh... Didn't mean to say that out loud. Did you know you smell nice?"

I laughed, though it was somewhat strained. We were finally done with the Ring and all of that nasty stuff. It was over. Mairon was going to begin mending the hurt he'd caused Arda and we could finally begin to talk through everything. Despite my issues with my current altitude, I was elated.

.....

Hi. Did you like it? I've never actually written down how this all goes down, so I hope it was good. Anywho, if you want more Mairon content, I can be persuaded to write it more frequently :)). Have a great day/night, and take care of urself!!

#misha writesa #lotr #silmarillion #fanfiction #self insert #mairon

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chlodani · 4 years

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This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk! Major Fred fluff!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Beginning Special Part 5. . .

Fred's P.O.V.

I knew how Y/n was getting and I didnt like it. I felt for her. I hurt for her. I want to beat the shit out of Neville. I know that dumbass feels for her, just like I do, but he wont tell her. All he tells her is that he has a crush on this girl, but he wont tell her who it is. Neville is supposed to be her best friend and he's basically keeping a secret from her. Way to keep the trust up Neville. If he truly does hurt her, and makes her want nothing to do with him and I have to pick up the pieces of what he broke - I cant promise I'll hold myself back from wanting to beat the hell out of him. Y/n held onto her empty glass staring into it. I knew she was drunk and I knew she wanted more. I wont let her do this to herself. She said nothing to me as I took the glass from her. I picked up the bottle of Fire Whiskey and brought it back to the kitchen, putting it away. I gently place the cups in the sink. Y/n had her hand on the side of her neck, entangling her fingers in her hair long beautiful dark brown hair (or y/h/c)

"Fred? -"

She sounded like she wanted to start crying.

"What is it hon?" I asked her as I walked back over to her.

I sat back down next to her.

"I want Neville," he sentence sounded slurred and she looked like she wanted to cry.

She actually did have tears in her eyes. I sighed as I looked at her. I moved a piece of hair from her face.

"I know sweetheart," I said to her softly not exactly knowing what else to say.

"What do I do about Neville?"

I looked directly into her beautiful bluish/green eyes (or y/e/c/).

"You can talk to him. - Maybe it'll help straighten things up,"

She had a few tears fall from her eyes.

"No!! - He likes someone else and I don't want to hear it again,"

"Maybe he does like you and he just didn't want to tell you, so he phrased it differently, because he was scared,"

She sighed as she looked at the floor. I jumped slightly as she put her hand on my knee. I knew where that would lead for me. Damn physical issues. She moved closer to me.

"Fred?"

"Yes?"

I tried acting casual, but I was having so many issues. Y/n took me by surprise as she smashed our lips together, kissing me passionately. I knew the kind of state she was in, and I would never take advantage of her while she's like this, but I had the urge to kiss her back. To show her the love I have for her. And that I could love her more than Neville ever could. I slipped my hands to behind her neck, pulling her closer. I knew she liked it as she hummed in satisfaction. I still wanted to distance myself. I would never let us, get any farther when she's like this. I felt her hand moving up my leg farther. I moved slightly from discomfort. Not from her or what she was doing. It was what it was causing. I continued to kiss her as her hand stayed on my inner thigh. I wanted her to. I wanted her more than anything, but I wont let it happen. That and despite what Neville has made her feel, I know she still loves him. And I want her to sort things out with him before she makes any major decisions like this. I breathed out softly as she stopped kissing me, resting her forehead on mine. She slowly slipped her hand more towards my front. I wanted to stop her, but my physical needs needed her more. I let her touch me.

"I want you Fred," Y/n said to me in the softest voice she could.

"Y/n, I dont wanna, -"

She had a few more tears slip from her eyes.

"Please Fred, - I need you," she pleaded.

"No, you need to rest," I told her.

She touched her lips to mine softly moving them. Her thumb gently moved in circles.

"Please,"

I said nothing. I want to say yes. I want her so bad. As she can physically tell, but I refuse to let it happen this way. Though I wanted to see how far she would actually get. I slightly nodded. In an instant she had our lips pressed together. She turned our kiss into passion. I let out a soft groan as she moved her leg over, straddling my lap. I let her move her hips down onto me. I wanted her more and more as the seconds passed on. I put both my hands on the sides of her neck, pressing my lips to hers harder. She hummed once more in satisfaction. I closed my eyes leaning my head back, as she moved her lips to my neck. I breathed out softly as she kissed the most sensitive part of my neck. She let her hands, move down my chest moving their way up my shirt. I wanted her so bad. But I cant. Not when she's like this. I wont. I knew I was gonna have to stop her soon. She pressed herself into me harder as she took off my shirt. I pulled myself back from her only slightly. She was trying to catch her breath from kissing me.

"You need some water," I said to her in a soft stern voice.

"I need you," she told me trying to be persistent.

"Water first and then me," I negotiated.

Of course I didnt mean it, but I'm trying to get her to settle herself. At most I'll do is snuggle her close to me as she sleeps. She still wanted to protest as she smashed her lips onto mine once more. I let myself kiss her as I stood up, while holding her. I laid her down on the couch. She reached out to me as I took my lips from hers, leaning back.

"Fred, no," she protested.

"Sweetheart, I'll be right back," I reassured.

I gave her a soft reassuring kiss. Honestly right now all I wish I could do, is go to Neville's apartment and kick his ass. He did this to her, just because he's too afraid to tell her what I did. I let my hand drag from hers as I walked to the kitchen. I sighed as I grabbed one of the regular glasses from the cupboard filling it with cold water. I brought it back to her, kneeling down on the floor in front of her.

"Here hon, drink this, - I promise you'll feel better," I said to her in the softest voice I could possibly have.

She sighed as she took the glass.

"And then I can have you?" She asked hopeful still not knowing what she was saying or what she actually wanted.

"Yes, then you can have me," I lied.

I hated lying to her. I never have before, but I cant hurt her anymore than she already is. I love her too much for that. I held onto her other hand as she started to take sips from her water. I was hoping she wouldn't remember what she wanted from me while she was like this. That way if it ever is me in the future, we can start fresh.

Almost an hour later. . .

I had taken the glass of water from her quite a few minutes ago. As I walked back from the kitchen I had found her snuggled with the blanket at the end of the couch, and she had fallen asleep. That's the sight I like to see. I just stood there for a moment staring at her as she slept. She really is the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes upon. I walked to the other end of the couch. I was as careful as I could be as I crawled onto the couch behind Y/n. She was sound asleep. There was no waking her up now. I put my arm around her, holding her as close to me as I could. Being as respectful as I could be. As she noticed me next to her, while still sleeping, she turned herself into me, snuggling herself into me. I had my head propped up with my elbow. I used my other hand, to trace a finger down her face softly.

"Dont worry Y/n, things will get better - I promise," I spoke to her.

She let a soft noise leave her as she slept. I wrapped both my arms around her, pulling her even closer, letting my eyes close. I wont let anything happen to her.

. . .

Neville's P.O.V.

I sighed as I stood before Fred's apartment door. I was nervous, so beyond nervous to tell Y/n how I felt about her. However, I know Adelina is right. Though the way she's going about this is a little unfair. Again I do agree with her. I have loved Y/n pretty much since we first met. I've always wished I could tell her, but I've always been too afraid. I was just afraid of rejection. Though I really wonder how its actually going to go, because of Adelina's reactions to things I said. I knocked on the door, only to get nervous as there was no response. I knocked again, only to get the same response. I could feel myself getting anxious. Seeing as Y/n was supposed to be here, and Fred usually never goes to bed before three. And with knowing that he likes her, my heart was racing at an uncomfortable pace. An idea crossed me. It wasn't the greatest idea, but I had to know. I took out my wand using the, "Alohomora," spell to unlock the door. I'll apologize to Fred later for breaking into his apartment. As I opened the door and looked at the couch, my heart sank and my stomach fell a thousand feet. There on his couch lay Y/n, asleep in Fred's arms. It looked as if they were as close as they could possibly get to each other, without actually being on top of one another. And to make things worse Fred had no shirt on. I could feel tears coming to my eyes as I looked at them. They were both sound asleep. I backed out of the apartment, softly closing the door. As I walked down the hall to leave, a few tears fell from my eyes. As I stood outside, I could feel anger rising towards Fred. In anger I blasted one of the trees, accidentally breaking one of the branches. Whoops. I walked off. Adelina was right. I was too late and I lost her to Fred.

. . .

The Next Morning. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I woke up, with my eyes in a blur, holding my head as it pounded. I sat up on the couch, almost with tears in my eyes. I scooched forward so my feet touched the floor. I knew I was at Fred's place. And I knew I came here late, but I dont remember much after our conversation about our friends.

"Oh, damn," I spoke out not even being able to handle my own voice.

"What's the matter hon?" Fred asked me as he kneeled down in front of me.

"I have a killer headache," I replied still holding my head.

"I know, -"

Fred moved my hands from my head. I forced myself to open my eyes, looking at him. I questioned why he wearing just his sweatpants and nothing else. My stomach dropped a thousand feet. Fred held out a glass of water to me and a couple of ibuprofen.

"Here take this and drink this," he said to me in such a caring voice it melted my heart.

I took the ibuprofen from his hand taking it, and drinking from the glass of nice cold water. Once I was a little more with it, and my surroundings, I set the cup down, awkwardly turning to look at Fred.

"So, - I'm not so sure I want to ask this, but - um - Did we - We didn't - You know -"

Fred seemed to know what I was trying to ask. He took my hand in a gentle soft gesture.

"No, Y/n, we did not have sex," Fred reassured in a calming voice.

I breathed out in relief as I looked away from him. I knew he was smiling.

"Oh thank God, - I'm sorry but that would've really messed things up,"

"I understand -"

I looked at him again.

"I couldn't let myself give in when you were like that. I would never take advantage of you like that,"

A soft smile passed me.

"Thank you Fred, -"

I locked our fingers together, placing my head on his shoulder. He gently placed a kiss to the top of my head.

"I love you so much Fred," I spoke to him.

"I love you too darling,"

I moved away from him.

"But I love Neville too, - And I should really text him, and try to get to the bottom of what's really going on,"

"I understand that,"

I stood from the couch.

"Wait, -"

Fred stood from the couch.

"Let me take you to breakfast first, - Get you back to normal," Fred offered to me as he started to walk to the stand by the door.

"I am normal," I said to him.

"Not normal enough, -"

I pretended to be offended as I gently punched his arm. He chuckled.

"Let me take you to breakfast, - Please," he pleaded.

I sighed as I looked at him.

"There's no talking you out of this is there?" I asked him.

"Nope,"

He put his hand on my back as we walked out the door together. He took his keys before closing the door and locking it. I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him. I will be honest, I'm a little scared to find out the truth from Neville. But I have to know. I need to know what he meant, and if he really does like someone else. If he really does like someone else, then I guess my choice I pretty clear.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

#harry potter smau #harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #fred weasley #george weasley #neville longbottom #neville smau #neville imagine #neville x reader #neville x you #neville fluff #neville fanfic #fred fanfic #fred weasley fluff #fred fluff #fred x y/n #fred x you #fred x reader

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