#i'm actually sorry to the things i create for not creating it well enough - does anybodyelse feel that way? i'm desperate bc i'll never be
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sirfrogsworth · 4 months ago
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I think in this new age of A.I. the general public is going to need to increase their photography and lighting literacy. The response to this photo has just been a shit show.
There are people pointing out perfectly normal edge lighting and misunderstanding how reflections work.
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First the plane is parked at an angle. The tail is farther back than the nose. But also that is a curved surface and it tapers. It's reflecting the area to the right of the photo.
And the bottom of the plane is reflecting what is directly underneath. Which is the tarmac, not the crowd.
It should also be noted that photo was shot with a very telephoto lens and everything is super compressed. The crowd appears much closer to the airplane than they actually are.
But then someone who should have good understanding of lighting said this...
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And now I'm worried for her clients. Because that's very... wrong.
Well, wrong-ish.
First, let's try to understand why this photo is setting off some alarm bells.
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The crowd toward the rear is in shadow, but they are still very well exposed. But then there is also a bright light source creating a strong edge light on them. Looking at this photo with just the context of what is in it, there are some things that seem uncanny.
The information we do not have is the people in the shadow area are inside a very brightly lit airplane hangar.
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So they have artificial light blasting them from the top.
But that light is still much dimmer than the sunlit areas outside so they appear in shade. But we are used to shade being much darker than areas in direct sun. So the balance seems off in our brain. We expect the people to be darker because we don't have the context of the bright hangar lights above them.
But the other issue is that the photo was post processed. It wasn't manipulated. The pixels weren't changed. But the exposure balance was altered.
If I were to guess, the original photo looked more like this...
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But newer digital cameras can have 13 to 15 stops of dynamic range. And if you shoot in RAW, you can easily lift shadows and bring down highlights. You can balance the exposure so the dark parts aren't as dark and the bright parts aren't as bright. This photographer might have overdone it a bit in this case, but this is a fairly standard edit used to bring balance to photos.
And lastly, where does the edge light come from?
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Edge lighting or backlighting or rim lighting (all the same) should probably be called wrap-around lighting if you want to be more accurate.
It comes from a homogenous light source that is larger than the subject being lit. So with my knife photo, I placed it on a large LED panel light.
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The light source was bigger than the subject so it wrapped around the edges.
And I'm afraid the airplane is not nearly large enough to create a light source to wrap around everyone in the crowd. It isn't even reflecting direct sunlight. So I'm sorry to say that lighting designer was mostly mistaken despite the confidence.
The light source is... everything.
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That entire red area I highlighted is the light source.
As well as everything above and everything to the sides.
And the biggest aspect of that light source would be the sky above. I think people always forget the sky is a light source. If you are seeing blue, you are seeing light. And I guess the plane is included in that, but that entire highlighted red area is so bright, and so filled with sunlight bouncing around, that it creates basically a giant softbox. It becomes a huge single light source for the people in the hangar.
If you look at footage taken from way inside the hangar, you can see the camera adjusting exposure for the crowd inside, but look at what happens to the sunlit area outside.
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What does that look like?
A giant softbox.
A single homogenous light source blasting light inside the hangar.
The sun is so incredibly bright that even when it is not directly lighting something, the light just bouncing around outside is enough to overpower the very bright hangar lights.
So, what have we learned from this?
Perhaps people should hire me to be their lighting designer.
Though I'm sure she is actually very talented. She seems to work with stage lights and this is more physics and photography.
Phystography.
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pia-nor481 · 4 months ago
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Dating Advice
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Lando Norris x Reader x Daniel Ricciardo 18+
Lando is in desperate need of advice in securing a date. He does so, just not in the way he expected
6.8k words Masterlist
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"Don't laugh at me. It's not funny." Lando groaned, pouring himself another drink. "It is a little bit. You're a rich formula one driver who many women think is attractive and you can't get a second date. Are you sure it's not your personality." Daniel jested, arms behind his head as he leant back on the bed. "I'm being serious, asking for dating advice and all I get back is you laughing in my face. Is that not a turn off for your girlfriend?" Lando pouted, bringing the glass to his lips. "Hey don't start on me. You don't know how long it look me to actually get a girlfriend; who, may I add, wasn't easy to win over." Daniel said, reaching for his beer on the night stand. "Oh really, like you had to work for it. Rich formula one driver." Lando was a little bitter, he hadn't been laid in months, and it wasn't from a lack of trying. 
"Tell me what you're actually doing, maybe we can find the problem." Lando was convinced that he was meeting the wrong kind of woman. "Well, you know, usually I'd pick her up from her place, bring flowers...Don't act surprised I'm not evil. Go out to dinner, of course I pay, again I'm not evil, plus this is Monaco so it's kind of required of me...Then you know..." Lando trailed off, reaching for his drink, desperately trying to ease his nerves. "Are you kidding me. You really are a dog." Daniel laughed, almost choking on his beer. "I am not. You're acting like you weren't when you first started racing." The brit finally sat down sighing. "Not really, I didn't have much game back then. Plus, if that's how you're ending the night, why are you acting like you've not gotten any in months?" Lando just looked down at his glass, not acknowledging Daniel's presence in the slightest. "Oh my, you've slept with them all. Every eligible woman in Monaco you've already had sex with. What are you? Some streetwalker?" Lando's face contorted as he heard the Australian's voice, it didn't matter how the sentence was worded, it always sounded horrific. "Maybe. Look it's not that bad. I asked for advice didn't I? We've been friends for years. So...Help me, please." His voice almost whined in desperation. "It doesn't matter what advice I give you. There's no one left to exercise it on." Daniel laughed, getting up to grab another drink. 
"Please don't ask me if I know any good doctors." Daniel muttered, looking to the side at Lando. "I don't have an STD. I'm a slut not an idiot." Lando crossed his arms as he spoke. "Good."
"Anyway, we know what you've done wrong. She is automatically assuming that she's just a hook up. You've created that idea. " Daniel stated with his hands back behind his head. "One good thing you're doing right is the flowers, the rest must come from what you say." Lando was slightly hurt, but he had to admit it now that his friend pointed it out, that he was the problem. "To be honest I don't really remember what I said." Lando muttered into his glass. "Enough to get her into bed clearly...Sorry that was a low blow." The Australian was quick to sip on the alcohol before beginning to speak again. "So one of the best things you can do is really get her talking, mostly about herself. But put in a few double questions if you will; a question specific enough that it gets a slightly personal or unique response but also generic enough that she can ask about you. But first you have to complement her, 'You look gorgeous tonight', 'Those earrings are really pretty', one thing I will say about jewellery, don't ask where it's from or where she got it in case it's a family thing and you know talking about dead relatives ain't great chat. Anyway make sure it's specific, if she's wearing a gold necklace make sure you mention it's gold, it shows that you're actually paying attention to her." Lando payed attention to every word that left Daniel's mouth, taking mental notes diligently. 
"Then move onto DHA. Her dreams, hopes and aspirations. Trust me... panty peeler." Daniel stated like it was the simplest thing in the world. Lando shook his head slowly, trying to fathom how that would work in securing him a second date. "Seriously? What happened to not having game?" Lando said, astounded at Daniel's advice. "Hey, I have a girlfriend don't I? Plus it took six dates to even get her to my place so, I think I did pretty well." He spoke hand on his heart, clearly offended. "So, was it a panty peeler?" The brit rushed out, quickly downing the rest of his drink. Daniel rolled his eyes before speaking again. "Obviously, but definitely later than six dates. She wasn't easy." He was smiling just thinking about her. "Alright, don't rub it in."
"You know what?" Daniel started, almost jumping up from the bed. "You need to test your newfound knowledge." He slurred, stumbling slightly as he got up. They had been talking at Daniel's flat for hours, mostly about the recent Bills game and the next quadrant video, so talking for hours lead to plenty of alcohol. "What are you on about?" Lando wasn't particularly sober either, but that didn't stop his curiosity. "You need a fake date, where I can help guide you a bit." Lando's eyes widened hearing Daniel's proposal. "I'm not going out with you and you're girlfriend." Lando stated, shaking his head, he didn't drink as much as Daniel, he never did, but even he could tell that Daniel was in no state of mind for this conversation. "Nah man. We do it here. You can practice, get it right with some help, and maybe you can travel to Nice and find a lady there." It was clear Daniel was getting too excited about the thought. "I need to get home. We'll talk about this later."
When she came home from work the following morning she was surprised to find Daniel laying askew on the sofa. She made quick work in the kitchen, pouring a glass of water and looking for some pain killers. "Danny." She whispered, shaking him slightly. "Danny, wake up." He slowly began to stir, meeting her eyes with a smile. "Morning, Darling." He almost groaned, taking the water but not the pills. Exhaustion painted her face as she sat beside him, curious about the night he had. 
"So, did you and Lando do anything interesting?" She spoke softly, mindful of the state Daniel is in. He bought his arm over her shoulder, pulling her into him before speaking. "Mostly stuff you've already heard from me or I know you don't really care for." She got up once again, not worried for her boyfriend anymore, and ventured back to the kitchen, desperate for a warm drink in what now was the morning. "But?" She asked as she opened the cupboards. "I found out he's slept with every single lady in Monaco, and possibly Nice, but he didn't say anything about the French." Daniel said as he got up, following her into the kitchen. "No." Her disbelief was apparent in her tone, even as Daniel slid his arms around her waist and mumbled a quiet 'I know' into her neck. Her cheeks warmed at the feeling. "So you spent hours talking to Lando about his love life?" She wanted to distract herself from the feeling of him against her, thinking about anything that would keep her thoughts away from the fact his cock was pushed against her ass. "Maybe a little bit of you...Anyway Lando was asking for a little bit of help with actually dating women." Daniel stole the mug out of her hand and took a sip, burning his tongue slightly. "Serves you right." She laughed, turning around in his grasp. "So what did you say?" She was curious, they spoke about past relationships before, Daniel mostly about his lack of them, so she was slightly shocked that Lando would go to her boyfriend for advice. In his younger days he was very focused on racing, to a point that he had no time for relationships, so at the time he was supposed to be learning the best way to woo a woman, his mind was filled with a steering wheel and how to use DRS. "Exactly what I did to win you over." His hands met her cheeks, pulling her in for a sweet kiss. 
"How kind of you. Considering he has already been with every woman in Monaco, is he going to be traveling to find himself a girlfriend?" Upon hearing her statement Daniel become slightly nervous, perhaps asking his partner to go on a fake date with one of his best friends was not the best idea. "Well I may have made a suggestion." His hand left her waist and found the back of his neck rather quickly as his eyes shifted from her face.  "I think Lando should practice before he travels to Italy to find a girlfriend." He said in a slightly higher tone. "Let me guess, you're brilliant idea was for me to be the date?" She pondered out loud. At this point she was really considering it, it didn't really have any impact in their relationship. So realistically what could go wrong? "Has Lando already agreed?" She asked with a small smile, easing Daniel's nerves slightly. "Not yet, I was pretty drunk when I suggested it, to be fair so was he, so maybe he doesn't even remember. We will see. The worst that can happen is he says no." A small shred of excitement ran through her. "Call him later, you know how long it takes him to get up after he's been drinking." 
She went to bed both peaceful and enthused. She was hopeful that Lando says yes, and this quickly led to a spiral of questions: Where would they be? What would she wear? What was he going to ask her? How would she answer? It almost concerned her, she probably shouldn't be feeling so excited to go on a date, even if it was a pretend one, with her boyfriend's friend. 
Daniel grabbed his phone almost immediately after she fell asleep. Lando struggled to pick up his phone while still laying in bed. Lando was smaller than Daniel so alcohol always hit him faster and for longer. "What do you want?" Lando groaned into the phone, eyes still closed. "That's no way to speak to the friend that secured you a practice date." Daniel huffed down the line, playfulness practically bubbling out of him. "Are you being serious? You actually remembered asking me to go on a date with your girlfriend, and have somehow convinced her?" Lando was both shocked and amused. He sat up slightly, running his hand through his curly hair. "I didn't actually do any convincing, if I'm honest she figured it out." The brit's jaw fell open slightly, not only did he not expect Daniel to remember, he especially didn't expect his girlfriend to agree. "When?" He we was unsure as to what made him ask, but if it was going to help him then it was a good idea. "Tomorrow night, around eight." Daniel spoke softly, not wanting to cause his friend anymore stress in an already immensely stressful situation. "Alright." He hung up and threw his phone back on the bed as he stood up. At this point in time he was mostly nervous and a little bit confused. There was a lot he needed to do before going to their house. Most of it being mental preparation. 
She awoke a few hours later with Daniel by her side. "Morning Love." He whispered as soft as possible. He said morning although it was a few minutes until it could be called afternoon. She moved in silence so her head was resting on her chest, leg over his. "What did he say?" She mumbled, interlocking their hands. "Yes." Her eyes widened, realising that she actually had to go on a date with Lando Norris. "It's tomorrow evening, here of course. I'll be you're chef and waiter." He giggled, squeezing her hand in his. "Okay." She whispered into his chest.  "Can I ask you something...It's unrelated but still important?" He questioned, avoiding her eyes once again. She hummed, looking up at him. "It's about what we talked about before." His nerves where sky high, they shouldn't have been considering it was his suggestion. "What's her name?" Daniel was extremely lucky that his girlfriend was okay with almost anything, well actually she was more willing to try almost everything. "First of all, never said it was a woman, second I've not found anyone. I was wondering if you have, or if you were maybe changing your mind." Daniel was sweet in more ways than one, he always asked, even if he think he knew the answer. "I haven't and no I've not. We talked about this months ago, have you changed your mind?" He shook his head, it was hard to find someone you trusted to have a threesome with. "What brought this about then? This is about Lando. Do you want to ask him?" Daniel would have asked Max if he wasn't in a committed relationship. But to think, he wanted to have a threesome with his former team mate. It sounded weird when he put it like that. "Maybe. I've only really thought about it for all of ten minutes, and to be fair, I have seen his nudes in his camera roll before. But hey that's a conversation for another time." His small rant sent a wave of curiosity through her. Would Lando be the right fit for them. "Lets take some baby steps. He asked for some dating advice, not to fuck us. We'll see how that goes, then we can see if he's willing." She stated, a rather wide smile painting her face. 
The following day Lando began to panic slightly as he slipped his arms through his shirt, and made work on the buttons. He felt as though it would be really awkward and that worried him. Would this sour his relationship with Daniel slightly? Lando didn't think he could cope with that. His hands shook slightly as he got out of his car, flowers in a lose grip. He knocked on the door a few times before she finally answered. "Hello Lando." He wanted to lightly kiss her cheek, as he usually would but hesitated, he needed to remember this is Daniel's girlfriend, not a random date. "Go for it, nothing is off limits. We need to see what you're doing." Daniel stated matter of factly. The word 'Nothing' worried Lando further, because what did nothing really mean? Lando pulled her in for a short hug as he kissed her cheek softly. He handed her the bouquet with a sweet smile. "Thank you, they are lovely." She almost whispered walking through the flat towards the kitchen, reaching for the vase. "How are you?" He asked, voice low. Lando never considered himself shy, but tonight he was struggling. "I've been good, looking forward to this evening with you." Lando thought her acting was all to convincing, no one's girlfriend should seem this enthusiastic about going on a date with their boyfriend's friend. "And how are you?" She was quick to question as she turned to face him. "Well, I've been looking forward to seeing you too." He stated sweetly. Soon the silence was interrupted by Daniel making an almost 'wrong buzzer sound'. "You can't just repeat what she just said, It looks like you're not really bothered. Try again." He turned back around, stirring the sauce for the pasta. Lando sighed before speaking again. "Really good actually. I've been excited to see you." He turned to the side, looking at Daniel for conformation, who just nodded slightly.
Lando linked their hands as he guided her to the table. Daniel came over and poured the wine and gave the brit a slight nod. "Start with step one." Lando's chest was rising and falling rather quickly, he had never been so anxious sat across the table from a lady before. "You're earrings are really pretty, I like that the stones match you're dress." He stated as a light blush painted his cheeks. Daniel helped her get ready, from choosing the dress to helping her put it on. He wanted her to be as she would if they were on a date, which included a gorgeous dress, pretty earrings and a lovely pair of heels. He loved getting ready with her, especially when she would button up his shirt for him. "That's good, you're being specific enough that she feels noticed." Daniel could read her like a book, he could tell that she was becoming flustered already. He complemented,  no practically worshiped her, all the time, yet she couldn't help her reaction to hearing it from Lando. "Oh, Um...Thank you." She was shocked in her own reaction and reached for her drink, taking a rather large sip.
 "So tell me, what have you been doing these past few days?" She questioned, leaning forward. Lando began to panic, he knows exactly what he did for the whole of the week, yet he just couldn't answer; he wasn't prepared to be asked a question so soon. He licked his lips before he began speaking. "I've spent some time with my sisters and my friend Danny. I think keeping up with family and friends is really important, so I try to do it as much as possible." Lando said with a small smile, looking back at her. "So what about you? Surely a pretty Lady like yourself must have had other dates." He asked, nerves rising once again as he brought his wine closer, almost cuddling the drink. "You have to be careful with that, depending on who she is, she might take that in a really bad way. Rephrase the sentence so you're not painting her as some kind of slut." 
Lando necked the glass for a small amount of extra confidence. "So what about you? A pretty Lady like yourself must be busy." He looked up to her again, a small smile on her face. He let her talk for a while, repeating the last few words of some sentence in an almost questioning tone, showing her that he was engaged. Daniel came over again, placing the bowls of pasta in front of them. "DHA." Was all he said as he looked at Lando, who's blush deepened at the thought. She was quickly confused by the acronym. This must have been 'How Daniel secured her'. "What do you plan to do in the future?" Lando was becoming slightly less nervous by the minute, until Daniel repeated the dreaded sound. "That's not specific enough. Show her that you're paying attention." The Australian stated, pulling himself on the counter. Lando was beginning to get frustrated. "What do you plan to do in the next three years?" Lando's tone was slightly sweeter, he waited until she said something small that could be expanded on. Daniel continued to eat the remaining pasta out of the pot as he listened to his girlfriend talk about her dreams, her answers have of course changed, but he felt almost a little hurt that he didn't know most of her answers. "Oh wow." Lando was genuinely surprised with what she wanted to achieve, it made him excited to see her again. Quickly he realised how wrong that was. He shouldn't find her as attractive as he does. Is he a terrible person? 
"That's all you've got to say? It's a good thing you're good in bed." She giggled out as Daniel choked on the pasta. "That was a bit mean Darling." Lando's blush deepened to a red. Was he supposed to become flustered when his friend spoke that was? Probably not. He shouldn't be reacting this way, he knows that, yet he can't help but feel slightly aroused. "Oh come on. He must be." She turned back to him with a sly smirk. Lando was confused, he knew if he told Daniel something then it was likely that she would be told too, and he didn't have a problem with it. But now he was surprised, he'd never heard her say such a thing. Lando felt as though he needed to match her, "Well I've not had any complaints." Her eyebrow furrowed before she lifted up her glass, finishing the rest of the drink. "Is that so?" Daniel mirrored her smile.
"Well it's hard to not be good at something you been doing for years, It's pretty easy to adapt woman to woman." Lando stated as his head tilted to the side. "Hold on. Hold on. You do the same thing...Every time?" Daniel jumped down from the counter in shock , while she was slightly taken aback and disappointed; Surely that couldn't have been fun, then again it was with different woman who would have all reacted differently, so maybe it wasn't as boring as it seemed. "You've got to spill, especially if none of their friends have said not to go out with you." The Australian practically begged. He pulling her out of the seat as Lando began to speak again. "You don't need those details." She was pulled into Daniel's lap during Lando's embarrassment. "Oh come on, please. It will help. You know what? Maybe it's not what you're saying, maybe it's the reputation you've created. They expect you to take em home and fuck em good." Daniel was a little tipsy again and Lando wasn't too far behind. "That's not gonna help me secure a date that is willing to come back." This so called 'date' quickly became an interrogation of friends. "Oh come on, we're curious, if every woman in Monaco wants to sleep with you, you must be good." She smiled, stealing her drink back from Daniel, who's arms were tight around her waist. "Well, I guess so, but it's not as fun as you think. Always being Dominant, always doing the work. It gets, pretty boring." 
They could finally see why he was so desperate, and although Daniel would disagree that always being dominant was boring, he could still sympathise. In a relationship there is more trust and willingness to experiment with one's partner, always keeping things interesting. Yet with dates accompanied with sex, that would be almost impossible to do.
"Okay then, why don't you be good and listen to what I have to say?" She whispered out in a rather seductive tone, leaving Daniel in the seat as she made way to the brit on the other side of the table. She pushed her knee between his legs as she began to speak, "Will you be good for me Lando?" Blood rushed to his cock as he finally made sense of the words that left her mouth. He shouldn't be as turned on as he was, he didn't know if he was even allowed to be. "Well Lando, are you?" Daniel repeated. How long had Lando been thinking? How long had he been focused on the feeling of his hard cock? Too long if it meant his friend gave him permission. "I promise, I'll be good." He almost whimpered , avoiding her eyes. She was quick to straddle him, grabbing his neck as she did so. "Yeah? Are you going to do everything I ask?" She whispered before lowering her lips towards his neck. "Yes, anything." Lando said followed by a low moan. Daniel was surprised to see this part of her. The Australian was quick to get involved. His fingers threaded through Lando's hair as he appeared behind him. "Good." Daniel said, voice dropping an octave. 
She pulled Lando out of the chair and towards the bedroom, Daniel quick to follow. "Strip." Was all she said when the brit reached the bed, and as he said he would, Lando listened. He made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, although struggling to begin with. As he reached the final button he looked up, eyes met with the sight of them kissing; Daniel's hands roamed over her slowly, first groping her ass shamelessly, before working his way up her spine, dancing over every vertebrae. Her hands rested on his jaw, almost as if she was pulling him in as close as possible. Lando was getting harder by the second, to the point it was almost painful. "Lando...Come take the dress off her." Daniel spoke in an almost condescending tone, and he knows it should not be as attractive as it is. Lando almost rushed over, pulling her hair out of the way before slowly sliding the zip down. She let the dress fall as she turned, looking at the desperate man before her. "I thought you said you were going to do everything I said. It seems you've decided to go back on your word already." She said shaking her head. Lando was confused for a moment, until he looked down, he only managed to take his shirt off, not the trousers. "So how are you going to punish him Darling?" Daniel asked, hands now resting on her hips, he pulled her back slightly, so her ass was resting against his hardening cock. "I think, since it was his first mistake, we go easy." She started, looking back at her boyfriend. Lando was slightly relieved until he heard her voice once more, "You don't get to cum. Not until you've made me and Daniel cum with your mouth. It's only fair since you can't follow simple instructions." She glanced back at Daniel and was pleased with the small nod from him. She knew she couldn't go too hard as didn't know what he could handle. Lando on the other hand didn't think he could cope any longer. His left hand could only get him off so much. He wanted to feel someone else, that's what he needed. So having that taken away from him was devastating. 
She moved towards the bed and sat at the edge, looking Lando in the eyes as she spoke. "Come here." She beckoned him over. The brit was quick to drop to his knees as he spread her legs further apart. He knew it wouldn't take him long to make her cum. That had almost become his specialty. Lando preferred to have multiple rounds so keeping foreplay as short as possible was almost a necessity for him, yet he still needed her well prepared. "Go on." Daniel whispered in his ear, pushing his head down lightly. Lando licked a long stripe up her cunt, looking up to see her reaction briefly. He wasn't told what she actually like so he wanted to find out as quick as possible. He first started by applying a light pressure with his tongue, circling slowly. He didn't even get so much as a gasp. As he began to lick up and down at a faster rate he let his thoughts come back.
 "A little faster." Daniel whispered again, feeling a little sorry for his friend. The Australian's hand travelled down from Lando's abs down to his cock, squeezing lightly, he could feel it throb in his hands. Lando moaned into her cunt, temporarily losing control of himself. He soon felt her leg over his shoulder, pulling his body closer to hers, and was quickly brought back to reality. He laid his tongue flat on her clit and shook his head side to side, conscious of the speed he was doing so, almost thankful for Daniel's help. "That's it Lando, make me feel good." She moaned, head falling back slightly. If Daniel was still touching him, he was sure that he would have come, even with the smallest touch. Lando continued his relentless movements even as she closed her thighs around him. He groaned once more knowing it would push her over the edge. "Yes. Yes. Yes Lando, fuck." Her hands met the sheets in a desperate need to steady her self as white clouded her vision. Lando slowed the movement of his tongue, letting her ride out the orgasm. Her moans became quieter the lighter the pressure Lando applied. "So good for me." She whispered, looking down at him. Lando blushed at the praise as it sent a wave of pleasure through him. "Do you like when I tell you how good you are? How good you make me feel? Does it get you off?" She questioned, leaning forward with a smirk. Lando was almost struggling to get his words out, mind fuzzy as he tried to think of a way to say yes. He was quick to nod his head extraordinarily quick. 
"I think that was a yes Darling." Daniel stated, pulling Lando back by his hair. "Take em off." He demanded, letting Lando catch his breath, Daniel was also aware of how overwhelming this could be for his friend. The brits hands came up quick, unbuttoning Daniel's jeans before pulling them down. Lando was slightly more worried about this, not just because he knew it would take him longer but because there was a high chance of him choking. Lando didn't know how to approach this as he'd never sucked dick before. Sure he had plenty of blowjobs but he didn't know how to give them. "You'll get praise when you do something worthy of it." Daniel said, pushing Lando's head closer to his cock.
"You need to spit a little." Lando felt her hands on his shoulders as she spoke. She was doing exactly what her boyfriend was doing before, guiding him teasingly, and Lando was both thankful and resentful of it. Although this time it was more of the former. "Wrap your hand around him, just below the head. Yeah that's it." She whispered, fingers tangling in his hair as she pushed his head so his lips were almost kissing the tip of Daniel cock. "Go on. You said you'd do everything I said." Lando was not ready for what ever punishment she was prepared to give him if he didn't comply. After coating Daniel's cock with his spit, Lando began to rub his thumb over the tip, teasing slightly. After a few seconds he let his hand form a fist and began stroking up and down slowly, never quite reaching the base. "I thought she said get us off with your mouth." Daniel stated, looking down at Lando with a smirk, who's nerves were rising by the second. "I'm not going to blow him for you. Start by licking the underside and take the tip into your mouth." She instructed as she slid her hand up his back, resting it between his shoulder blades. "So good. Be careful, don't take him too deep." She was quick to pull Lando back, making sure to teach him properly. "Breathe though your nose Baby. Start slow." She said, pushing his hair out of his face. 
Lando did as she said, taking an inch at a time, mindful of not holding his breath. He began to bob his head at a slightly faster pace, taking another inch or two. "Good, so good for me Lando." Daniel muttered, watching his cock disappear into the brit's mouth. Lando moaned as he did before, sending vibrations through Daniel's cock. "Careful, watch your teeth." Lando just didn't know what to do, it was almost like the praise was overriding his brain. He wanted to make them feel good, he wanted to see them cum but he wanted to be praised, he wanted to be told what to do. He was getting close, feeling her hands on his skin wasn't helping. Her fingers were tracing over every divot and it was driving him insane, so much so that his trousers were becoming impossibly tight. Lando almost pulled off fully before swallowing around the tip. "Fuck Lando, sure you haven't done this before?" Daniel gasped, hand now resting on Lando's head. He pulled off with a pop, gasping for air. "Promise I haven't...Please, hurts so much." He groaned, chest rising and falling quickly. "Not yet, you need to make me cum first." The Australian said, hand coming down to his face, rubbing the spit off of Lando's jaw. "Be good and you get to cum." Lando was quick to bring his mouth back to Daniel's cock, sucking the best he could as he began to bob his head again. In the meantime, her hands left his back and came down to his front, unbuttoning his trousers. She squeezed him rather tightly before undoing the zip. Lando moaned feeling the limited release of his cock, Daniel threw his head back in pleasure as he felt the vibration. "Focus on the head Lando, he's very close." She demanded, kissing and biting his neck, leaving distinct marks. Daniel came down his throat quickly, taking Lando off guard, who pulled away, attempting to catch his breath again. 
"You didn't have to swallow." Daniel stated, pulling Lando up from the ground. "I didn't have much choice." Lando whined, face contorted into disgust. "Don't get bratty, I'll leave you high and dry." He threatened looking towards his girlfriend with a large smile adorning his face. "I won't. Promise. Please, I need to cum so bad." He said, giving his best pleading eyes. Daniel's hands made contact with his skin before he pulled the remainder of Lando's clothes off. "Get on the bed, I want you against the headboard."
"And you, come here." Daniel pulled her in, kissing her passionately, letting his hands roam her skin once again, squeezing her tits and hips every now and then. He guided her to the end of the bed, pushing her down, watching her tits bounce as her back made contact with the mattress. Daniel was quick to climb on top of her, sliding his hands down her abdomen. She didn't realise how turned on she actual was. Did watching Lando give her boyfriend head really arouse her that much? "Fuck, you are so wet Darling." Evidently so. Daniel wanted to tease her slightly, even if they were both in control of Lando, he was still the one telling her what to do. He grasped her thigh with one hands, pushing her legs further apart. His fingers circled her clit slowly, waiting for her tell tale gasp of pleasure. "Oh please." Lando whined behind them, pulling on his hair slightly. "You're not allowed to touch yourself Lando. You have to wait." Daniel muttered, pushing a finger into her cunt slowly. "But it's not fair, I made you both cum." He said, sitting up straight, desperately wanting them to touch him. "Don't be a brat." She said in a pointed tone, turning her head towards the brit. Her demand was followed by a loud moan as Daniel pushed a second finger in. "She needs to be preped properly, too hard to fit you're dick in otherwise." She quickly became bashful and covered her face as Daniel began pumping and scissoring his fingers. His other hand rose from her leg and came to rest on her neck, squeezing lightly.
 "That's enough Darling, I can see how much he needs you." Daniel said, smacking her ass as she made when to Lando. "Be good for me baby." She whispered, holding onto his shoulders as she straddled his lap. "Finally getting what you need." She lined his cock up with her cunt as she spoke. Lando's hands came to rest on her hips, squeezing lightly. "Don't touch." She chastised, taking him fully. Lando's cock was hitting places Daniel's usually didn't and it was intoxicating. The feeling of having complete control over someone was almost taking her over, she could finally understand why Daniel always preferred to be in charge, it was so thrilling. "Please, faster, need it so bad." Lando was already moaning uncontrollably, his eyes closed and head fallen back.  She obliged and began bouncing faster, hands covering the bite marks she made earlier, making him wince loudly. As she began rocking her hips Daniel spoke, "Open your eyes Lando, you need to see." He did as he was instructed and was immediately met with her blissed out face and it pulled a low moan from his mouth. "Lando, look at me. Give me you're hand. That's it, You can touch her with your other, make her cum." His left hand was enveloped in Daniels, while his right came down to her clit, rubbing slightly harsh circles. Lando wanted to feel her cum around him, and this was the fastest way to do it. At the same time, Daniel was guiding his friend's hand back to his cock. "Come on, jerk me off. You must be really good at it now." Lando was stunned for a moment, brain struggling to comprehend. There was just so much happening, the overwhelming feeling if her cunt, the sound of her moans and Daniel's demands, it was all so thrilling to the brit. Lando made a fist around Daniel's cock once again, this time stroking faster than before and focused more on the head. The Australian was mindful of the state his friend was in and lead closer, grabbing his cheek softly and kissed his lips slowly, he felt every moan that wanted to leave Lando's mouth, and it jus riled him up even more. 
"Fuck Lando, that's it, a bit harder." Every part of him was occupied yet he wanted them ton take more, he didn't want anything left. Daniel was edging closer the longer he watched the scene before him; His darling girlfriend ruining Lando. "I'm gonna cum, fuck keep going." At this point the only thing Lando could do was follow instructions Daniel painted their skin white as her moans grew louder, and Lando's grip harshened. "So good for me Lando. Fuck." He lengthened the last few syllables as he came down from his high. Daniel's hands made way to his girlfriend, resting on her back to keep her steady. Lando could feel her tightening around his as his hand on her clit was replaced with Daniel's, giving her what he knows she needed. "Take a break Lando, just enjoy the feeling of her cunt. You deserve it." Lando's hips bucked without warning meeting her bounces. "Oh Please, let me cum. Please, please please." Lando begged loudly, voice practically bouncing off the walls. Daniel began to guide her hips bringing Lando ever closer. "Cum Darling, I know you're close." The Australian whispered in her ear, giving her clit one last harsh smack before she began convulsing around Lando, no longer in control of her own body. Lando was quick to follow, cumming inside with a loud groan as his back arched slightly, eyes rolling to the back of his head. 
They were both seeing stars as Daniel forced them both to ride out their high, he slowed the guiding of her body and began to kiss her neck softly. The only sounds in the room was their heavy breathing as she climbed off of Lando. They laid on either side of the brit, just enjoying each others presence. As she began to slip out of the haze, she let her hands trail over Lando's skin, draw shapes with feather light touches. His body was still twitching from the immense pleasure of her cunt. "Thank you...So good." He could barely from a sentence, still so fucked out. "You were so good for us, you deserved it." She whispered into his neck, shocked with the bruises she left. 
They could tell just by the look on Lando's face that he was already on the verge of being overstimulated and decided that just one orgasm was enough for now, especially with the amount of cum still spilling out of her cunt. "When was the last time you even came?" Daniel questioned, rubbing his thumb over Lando's forehead, brushing away the messy curls. "I don't...Know." He rushed out between heavy breaths. "It's been months since I been with anyone, and a while since I jacked off. Maybe a few weeks, could be a month...I really don't know." He said, turning his head so it was buried in her neck. A blush began rising to his face when he realised what he admitted. "So you really needed someone else to get you off huh. Interesting." Daniel said with an almost teasing tone. "It's a good thing we could help you then." She whispered into his hair. "And I think, we'd be more than willing to help you again."
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This took me way too long to write as I clearly went a little overboard in the build up. I hope you enjoyed.
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ladyshinga · 10 months ago
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I keep being told to "adapt" to this new AI world.
Okay.
Well first of all, I've been training myself more and more how to spot fake images. I've been reading every article with a more critical eye to see if it's full of ChatGPT's nonsense. I've been ignoring half the comments on stuff just assuming it's now mostly bots trying to make people angry enough to comment.
When it comes to the news and social issues, I've started to focus on and look for specific journalists and essayists whose work I trust. I've been working on getting better at double-checking and verifying things.
I have been working on the biggest part, and this one is a hurdle: PEOPLE. People whose names and faces I actually know. TALKING to people. Being USED to talking to people. Actual conversations with give and take that a chat bot can't emulate even if their creators insist they can.
All of this combined is helping me survive an AI-poisoned internet, because here's what's been on my mind:
What if the internet was this poisoned in 2020?
Would we have protested after George Floyd?
A HUGE number of people followed updates about it via places like Twitter and Tiktok. Twitter is now a bot-hell filled with nazis and owned by a petulant anti-facts weirdo, and Tiktok is embracing AI so hard that it gave up music so that its users can create deepfakes of each other.
Would information have traveled as well as it did? Now?
The answer is no. Half the people would have called the video of Floyd's death a deepfake, AI versions of it would be everywhere to sew doubt about the original, bots would be pushing hard for people to do nothing about it, half the articles written about it would be useless ChatGPT garbage, and the protests themselves… might just NOT have happened. Or at least, they'd be smaller - AND more dangerous when it comes to showing your face in a photo or video - because NOW what can people DO with that photo and video? The things I mentioned earlier will help going forward. Discernment. Studying how the images look, how the fake audio sounds, how the articles often talk in circles and litter in contradictory misinformation. and PEOPLE.
PEOPLE is the biggest one here, because if another 2020-level event happens where we want to be protesting on the streets by the thousands, our ONLY recourse right now is to actually connect with people. Carefully of course, it's still a protest, don't use Discord or something, they'll turn your chats over to cops.
But what USED to theoretically be "simple" when it came to leftist organizing ("well my tweet about it went viral, I helped!") is just going to require more WORK now, and actual personal communication and connection and community. I know if you're reading this and you're American, you barely know what that feels like and I get it. We're deprived of it very much on purpose, but the internet is becoming more and more hostile to humanity itself. When it comes to connecting to other humans… we now have to REALLY connect to other humans
I'm sorry. This all sucks. But adapting usually does.
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sophie-frm-mars · 24 days ago
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I just wanna gush about DBT for a second
DBT saved my life so I'm gonna spend a moment telling everyone how helpful it can be because I know there are a lot of people with BPD out there who need to hear it.
so cluster B personality disorders are characterised by, among other things "unrelenting crisis" - this is the combination of the feeling that every small problem you encounter is just yet more insurmountable bullshit and the reality that you have a lot of bad shit going on in your life, some of caused by the wider world beyond your control and inevitably some of it self-inflicted. The problem is, to someone who is constantly activated and feels life as this kind of non stop catastrophe, it's really hard to practice skills learned in therapy to do anything about it AND it feels impossible to judge what is an appropriate thing to spend your energy on, where to even begin tackling your problems.
The group component of DBT is explicitly justified in the therapists' manual as tackling this, which I think is genius. A borderline patient will bring new problems to their therapist every week and not focusing on them will trigger feelings of abandonment but the patient will definitely have forgotten all about this problem and moved onto a new one by next session or the one after so you have two therapies, one talk therapy one-on-one and the other a group setting like a class where you learn the DBT skills, and then in the group setting no patient feels like they're being especially ignored by the therapist because they're all there to learn the skills as peers. I just think that's really clever
The bit that really whips though is the skills around Accumulating positive experiences and Building mastery. Okay so your life feels like shit, right? Like one shit thing after another? Your therapy is to have a nice time and get better at something in a way that makes you proud. There's a whole acronym for the skills you need to use to keep yourself well, ABC PLEASE, but C and PLEASE are all essentially preventative skills to stop you having an actively bad time or worsening your mental health, and A and B (Accumulate positive experiences, Build mastery) are the ones where you're proactively creating your life worth living and I love it so much.
Accumulating Positive Experiences really does just mean having a nice time in an intentional way. It can literally be watching TV, it can be whatever you want, but you approach it thinking about what will make good experiences that will actively make you feel like you are leading a life worth living. My girlfriend and I went to the planetarium and took edibles last month and it owns so hard that according to DBT that's therapy
Building Mastery is all about helping you get a sense of momentum and direction by improving at something, ideally something that isn't also what you do for work. I know "get a hobby" seems like such basic advice for helping someone out of a rough time but like I've been bouldering since early last year and seeing myself get better at it has been impossibly good for me.
I've been getting into cooking this year as one of my Building mastery practices, at first just regularish like "how can I feed myself in a way that feels like I'm showing myself care at all" like finally learning how to make some of the comfort foods I had in childhood like beef stew, or trying out new things on my very basic salmon, potatoes and broccolli, like teriyaki glaze on broccolli or making hasselback potatoes. Then after a while it became a thing where I felt confident enough to actually thing about a little project and do it like around when my gf and I started officially dating I made her roast lamb and dauphinoise potatoes (nothing photographs well, sorry in advance lol), or we started rewatching Twin Peaks and I really wanted cherry pie so I made my own, which I had never done before!
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and at the same time as improving at that stuff I felt like I was good enough at it that cooking for other people was a way I could show them care, which was something I had always wanted but never put in the time to making a reality.
In The Endings Machine: Technology & Teleology I talked about how cooking vegan food in groups is more effective in several ways that going vegan yourself and afterwards my sister (who helped with recording) said to me and a friend "I've been thinking about this ever since filming, we should do this!" and we've been holding a rotating vegan group meal at other's places fortnightly since then, and it's been really good! (This idea btw was partly inspired by my time on the ZAD where communal living leads to group cooking on a rotation, mostly vegan) For the first one I made a spicy mushroom pasta, then I had to bring the dessert to one and I made a vegan chocolate tart with coconut milk instead of dairy making a coconut chocolate filling and it was SOOO good
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Last week the vegan meal was at mine again and it fell on halloween so we invited more people and arranged a little spooky movie screening and I made SOOO much food and it was all fucking fantastic. My gf and I made dhal makhani, aubergine rice, parathas, vegan raita and onion bhajis and served them with some mango chutney and some oven-cook samosas that were just from big tesco. I'm so fucking proud of myself, I've never cooked this much before and it went so well! I guess what I really want to get across is how looking at this from the DBT perspective I gotta get across how good this shit is for your mental health and how absurdly well it dovetails with building community.
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There are all sorts of other ways Accumulating positive experiences and Building mastery help, because DBT is a very holistic approach to helping people get better - like if you know what things you like doing and you plan them to be available to you, you know that you're going to be happy with your own company, which means if you're having a shit time around someone else you're happy saying "I would be having a better time being alone right now" and just leaving. That makes it easier to live up to your self-respect goals, which are a big part of the DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills, as well as helping to tackle every cluster B girlie's deep seated fear of abandonment.
I could go on an on, but the salient thing right now is that there are a lot of people struggling with stuff I relate to as someone who has had my shit rocked by Borderline Personality Disorder for years and years, and I know that the biggest feeling at core is like "what is this all for? what is the thing that we are all trying to do in the space we are chaotically scrabbling to try to clear all the time?" and this is the answer: you want to accumulate positive experiences and build mastery, and when you get to doing it you have such a profoundly more grounded sense of being in the world, of what it is that's worth being here for and what stands in the way of life just being like that for everyone and a more meaningful drive to try and make it be that way for everyone.
I also wanna go on and on about how Interpersonal Effectiveness makes everyone better at organising too, but I think the Life Worth Living is the better sales pitch for DBT. idk in short a close friend pitched it to me a little while ago that all leftists should learn DBT and it would make the revolution way easier and the more I live of my life worth living the more I agree.
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scribblesofagoonerr · 5 months ago
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Why does Monkey live with Leah and not her own family?
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— monkey's past | buddy & monkey: double the trouble
despite her wild and chaotic antics, the girl's background is actually pretty sad and she doesn't like to talk much about it.
the nightmares from monkey's past at night haunt her sometimes.
monkey always considered her relationship with her parents her father to be challenging and hard, while the relationship with her mother is pretty much non-exsistant.
she finds it hard to talk about them things.
her mother abandoned her only child when she was little, no explanation - one day monkey woke up and the women had fled.
there was no goodbye, no note, nothing.
the resentment for the women was still is there and whenever monkey is asked about her mother, she's always quick to drop the subject.
the team have learned that the hard way in the past.
"my mother is dead,"
"is she really?"
"no, but... well, she might as well be,"
monkey's relationship with her father was complicated to say the least, the man had to raise her alone when his wife walked out on them when monkey was just shy of 2 for a whole new family.
her father had a few various different coping mechanisms - throwing himself into his work and drinking, sometimes even drugs.
the man definitely did have a temper and the scars on monkey's back prove it, unfortunately.
"i'm sorry dad,"
"sorry isn't good enough. you should know better!"
"dad,"
"your nothing but a disappointment, your mother had the right idea to leave you when she did. get out of my sight, now!"
if the man wasn't passed out on the sofa drunk or lashing out at his daughter with his fists, he was throwing himself into his work.
monkey was completely neglected and alone, but he was clever and always made it seem like he was the caring doting father, so he was to never get caught out.
monkey never got to escape her fathers' clutches until she was 16
when arsenal scouted monkey, the man was more than happy enough to sign the papers and all but washed his hands off her.
"i've washed my hands off her, shes' your problem now."
there was never any contact from that day.
not even on birthday or christmases.
monkey should have felt a sense of freedom, but instead she was lost.
the man who had so much hatred for his daughter and all she wanted craved was his approval.
monkey has always been a life-long gooner, joining the academy when she turned 8 and it felt like a dream come true, her dad was a gooner as well - it's in her blood, she lives and breathes arsenal.
being only 16 when she signed, she was taken under the wing of the older girls, more so specifically leah who she moved in with, along with kim, the two she formed a pretty close bond with.
"your my person, you both are. i love you."
"we've always got your back here, monkey."
"and your never alone, you have family here."
"we love you too, menace."
it was at the age of 18 when monkey found out her dad died, not that it made any difference at all.
"ha, well guess that i really am an orphan now, right?"
"monkey,"
"was it the drinking or drugs that killed him? it was only a matter of time,"
after all, monkey thinks that dark humor is the way to make things better.
it's become her coping mechanism.
"should i care? he didn't care about me when i was alive, why should i care about him when he's dead?"
it's safe to say that monkey's past is pretty haunting to her, but with the stability that she has around her, its' better now she has the arsenal girls to look out for her.
monkey has her chosen family, she is protected and loved by all of the older girls, despite how much of a menace she can be at times.
I didn't plan for this to be so sad, but here we go. feel free to continue to send me hc's for this little world i'm creating!
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eydi-andrius · 6 months ago
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I loved your yoonbum piece! I feel like he never gets any love on here… :(
Do you have any relationship hcs for him??
OMG! YES! I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO SEE THIS! *squeals!!!!*
I'm so sorry, again! YES! I AGREE! YOON BUM IS SUCH A LITTLE CUTIE BUT THE FANFIC ABOUT HIM IS SO LITTLE! 😭
YOON BUM BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS
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- Let's be real, the only reason why your relationship with him works was because you two started off as friends and you understand him well enough to consider his meekness adorable
- Would always stare at you and ask himself how he was able to pull off someone like you. With his wide sparkling doe eyes and dusted pink cheeks, it was apparent how much he adored you
- Will cherish the ground you walk on, everything you love and dislike, he will remember them, he will carve it unto his brain, and he would make sure that everyday you'll know how much he loves you
- Of course, knowing Yoon Bum, it will become too much, to the point that who you are, will become who he was, you were just so cute, he would love to be the right one for you and liking the stuff you like is the best way to form a relationship......right?
- You will also notice some of your stuff missing; nail polish, the earrings you love, the new journal you barely wrote anything, your handkerchief with your name on it, he would claim he doesn't know where you put it, but you have a feeling he took it
- Let's say, you investigated and find where he was hiding your missing items, instead of being mad at him, you kind of feel bad and realizes that maybe the reason why he took it was because there's barely a thing in your shared home that screamed you two were in a relationship
- You will confront him, not because you will tell him that you found the items he took from you, but because you noticed that the Yoon Bum you're with right now is not the same as the Yoon Bum, you were friends with before and you loved
- He would be nervous, frightened and jittery, thinking that maybe you'll break up with him, since every confrontation and talk he has with people always ends up with them being disgusted by him or throwing him away
- This man needs tons of reassurance, okay?! So when he realizes that you don't plan on breaking up with him, instead you plan to get to know him more by spending time with him and creating tons of memories together, he would bawl his eyes out, and the whole night, he would beg you to cuddle with him and not let go
- His love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service and more on quality time. I know that it could be a physical touch too, but I feel like Yoon Bum wanted to be closer more than just physical. I think being physical is the only representation he has in his mind of being one with his partner, but in reality, I believe the type of love he wants exceeds more than that
- Yoon Bum loves when you're vocal to him. He enjoys when he gets to know you better and loves when you tell him stuff about yourself
- If you do anything for him without him begging for it, let's say, you surprised him on his birthday, gifted him this huge plushie frog, took care of him when he was sick, go out of your way to pick him up when he said, although jokingly, that he was so tired from work he thinks his legs might give up on him; your work is 30 mins away from his, would remember the way his eggs were cooked, would remember to buy the stuff he said was almost empty, would defend him on your male co-workers who looks down on him for looking too feminine more than masculine.....you got this guy forever, and he is probably planning when is the best time to propose
- The moment he realizes that your relationship is secure enough to last forever, you'll notice how carefree he looks like, how he smiles more often, how he actually likes to say dirty jokes more than you do, and just the epitome of being cheesy
- Kind of R-18 but I bet he would love cross dressing and pegging. Also, likes it when he is at your mercy. But gosh, if you allow him to see himself as the dominant one, you're in for a ride 😌🙏🏼
- Probably very naughty and would just send sexy and suggestive photos when he feels like it
- I always see him as a furdad or a plantdad. Although, if you want to have his kids, he wishes that they look more you, because he thinks you're so pretty, and the little you running around would make his heart in a puddle
- I never see a perfect relationship with Yoon Bum as just him doing all the work. Yoon Bum is very insecure and if he notices that it was only him who does all the effort, you probably already broke his heart (we don't want that in this house)
- Remember! Yoon Bum is a hopeless romantic too and would love to be loved back unconditionally
- It is canon that it will be you who will propose to him first, and the moment you did, he would laugh, because all this time, he was carrying a box with a ring on it, adorned with your favorite stone, and just working up the courage to propose when the time is right on your little vacation
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queers-gambit · 8 months ago
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Alpine
prompt: in an effort to help your boyfriend with his trauma, you rescue a furry feline together - a white cat named, Alpine - who rescues you both in return.
pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!Widow!reader
fandom masterlist: Marvel
word count: 6.9k+
note: been seeing a lot of Alpine recently and got inspired.
second note: no, it's not comic / canon compliant so just have fun. author did some research but there's not a LOT written / known about Alpine, so, again, just have fun!
warnings: post Endgame, pre tfaws; cursing, Lord's name in vain, small angst, mostly hurt and comfort, Nick Fury calling reader a bitch playfully, Bucky's trauma responses, small spoilers, Dr. Raynor / therapy.
other works with Widow!reader and Bucky NOT necessary to read
read here: Damage Done
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"Are you angry with me?"
"No."
"Disappointed? Annoyed? Frustrated?"
"No, doll."
"Then why won't you talk to me!?"
"Nothing to say."
You wiped a hand down your face, lifting it only to pinch the bridge of your nose. Your head shook to shake away your thoughts, sniffling emotion, sighing when you dropped your hand to slap against your thigh. "I'm really trying here, Bucky, I swear to you, I am. But I can't help if you don't talk to me," you softened your voice, beginning to understand this was a losing battle.
"I never said I needed help."
"You never have to ask me for help, Bucky, I just give it because I want to! Because I love you! That's part of being in a relationship!"
"Maybe I don't want it!" Your boyfriend snapped, rounding on you with unfiltered emotion in his eyes. The horrors swam in his baby blues, vivid memories he was unable to escape haunting him, terrorizing him; creating a shell of a man who could no longer hide his avid pain. "Did you ever think about that? Ever consider that I don't want your help because I don't need it?"
"Everyone needs help sometimes, Buck."
"No, not everyone - I'm not one of your pet projects, you don't get to treat me like a broken thing that needs fixed! I certainly don't need your pity - not yours."
"I don't pity you! Fuck's sake, Bucky, I love you and want to see you heal. I know you better than anyone - "
"You don't," he sneered, cutting you off. "You don't know me, not really, not as well as Steve - "
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Steve isn't here! He's not coming back!" You snapped, instantly regretting it when Bucky's eyes coated with glassy emotion he fought vehemently to keep down. "I-I'm sorry, that was - that was really mean of me and totally out of line," you apologized, both sighing deeply. "All right, look, let's just talk this out, please."
"There's nothing to say."
Your hip cocked, arms crossing, "She called me, you know."
"Who?"
"Dr. Raynor."
"Fuck's sake," he growled. "Why would she do that?"
"Maybe because today's session was, apparently, supposed to be a couples session. She thought I was refusing, called to say I was impeding on your progress and if I want to help you, I'd have to show up to your appointments. Which is really funny because you never told me about today, so I had no idea what the hell she was talking about - but that didn't stop her from tearing me a new asshole!"
He frowned, avoiding your eyes. "I didn't need a couples session. Not today, I just - I wanted today to focus on other shit."
"And I can respect that, but you're not doing yourself any favors by hiding shit from me. To get the best results from therapy, you have to actually do the work, and not just do what Dr. Raynor says, but actually listen to her advice - "
"I don't need you on my back about this, Raynor does that enough for you both," Bucky growled. "I do the fucking work - I'm the one in that room, I'm the one applying silly little rules to my life - "
"Obviously not if you didn't even tell me Raynor requested my attendance! You should've told me, and then you should've said you weren't ready! I would've respected that, but I can't do a Goddamn thing if you don't talk to me!"
His jaw flexed as he clenched his teeth, skin twitching and distinct muscles tightening. "Like I said, there's nothing to talk about," he practically spat, shaking his head at you before grabbing his sneakers from the closet.
You didn't mean to sound harsh, but demanded, "Where are you going? We're in the middle of a conversation."
"No, we're not, 'cause I'm ending it," he scoffed, sitting on the corner of your shared mattress, exchanged his shoes. "And I'm going for a run, need to clear my head."
You shook your head before leaving the bedroom, "Absolutely unbelievable."
Bucky left your shared apartment a few minutes later, somewhere you've only lived five months - the time it's been since Tony Stark, Iron Man, snapped the other half of living beings back into existence. He lost his life in return, the ultimate sacrifice, but he managed to reverse the damage Thanos created five years prior. Five months of living in this apartment without a lick of warmth, personal touch, or real sentiment; it being dreary, dark, and mostly empty. Hell, Bucky didn't even feel comfortable in bed, so he camped in the barren living room, giving visual to the way your relationship was beginning to fray, unravel, crack.
He didn't want anything personal in your apartment - thinking it was ridiculous to settle down after all you two have endured, witnessed, and fought for. You agreed to keep things at the bare minimum, only stocking what was necessary, knowing this was part of his healing process and didn't want to drum-up further anxiety. It made everything impersonal, boring, bland, and down right depressing - but it was a small accommodation you could provide your lover.
You hated the distance. Hated how alone Bucky felt after Steve. Hated how reclusive he became, the anger he projected. Hated how no matter what you did, you weren't enough - not this time. For years, you've loved him despite his flaws, his brainwashing, his trauma responses, but whatever he was enduring now was something you weren't equipped to handle. Didn't mean you weren't willing to try, but Bucky was the one pushing you away; thinking his demons were his sole responsibility, never letting you be the pillar that helped support him. God, you hated the distance.
You left the apartment, too. Nick Fury had employed you for creative, solo, high profile missions; wanting to utilize your Widow training, especially now that Natasha Romanoff was deceased. And you wanna know what? Bucky hadn't even asked about her, never tried to offer comfort, only quietly attending the funeral service you hosted with the remaining Avengers to give her a proper sendoff - despite there being no body. Bucky knew you and Nat were as thick as thieves, family without blood, two lost souls who leaned on each other in trying times; bonded by trauma, encouraged by resounding bravery, disciplined by strength. The fact that your boyfriend never even checked in with you after Nat's passing obviously hurt your feelings but you remained silent.
Again, to avoid generating more anxiety for Bucky.
You met the one-eyed man at a local, bustling coffee shop, finding the sight of the hardened, burly man eating a scone amusing. "Got you one of these," he nudged a dessert plate to your side of the table when you sat down with your desired coffee, "know you like 'em."
"Blueberries are my favorite," you half-smirked, regarding the moist muffin and sighing sadly. "All right, sir, what's on the docket?"
He stared at you for a moment, chewing thoughtfully before leaning back in his chair. "The fuck's going on with you?" He asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You look different today."
"Mh," you nodded, joking, "got a hair cut."
"No, it's your aura. Something bothering you, kid?"
"You do realize I'm a fully grown adult, right?"
Nick shrugged, "I don't see age."
"You don't - nobody sees age, Nick, Jesus."
He took a sip of his green tea. "There's still something bothering you. Not sure if you should go on this mission if you're wound tight."
"I'm just dealing with shit at home."
"Oh, right, the cyborg. How is the hundred year old psycho?"
"You you want me to stab out your other eye? 'Cause I fucking will," you threatened with a fork clenched in your grasp, perking your brows up your forehead. "Say that shit again, see what the fuck I do, Nick, I absolutely dare you."
He chuckled, hands held in defense, "Sorry, sorry, that was uncalled for. What's wrong with Sergeant Barnes?"
You shrugged, "It's complicated."
"Bitch, aliens opening a wormhole in space and time to invade Earth is complicated - relationships aren't. Try me."
After an amused chuckle, you told him, "He's struggling right now. You know? After everything, it's been a lot for him and now that things are relatively back to normal, he's having a hard time trying to assimilate himself back into the populace. You know, learning to live in this day and age - a man out of time, outside his comfort zone, forced to adjust himself after living as a weapon of mass destruction for so long. Add in the fact that his best friend passed, marking another forceful adjustment he's unprepared for..."
"Hm," Nick nodded, "heard he's got a full pardon."
"He does."
"Which has a contingency he's gotta go to therapy, right? Part of rejoining society?"
You nodded, "Right, again."
"So he's in therapy and still struggling?"
"It's not like there's an on-off switch, Nick, therapy takes time and dedication. I just don't think he feels at peace, calm, in control - like he deserves any of this; the pardon especially. Think the stress, fear, and confusion is eating at him."
"Well, he's got you."
"I'm not his mother."
"No, you're his girlfriend, and it's a girlfriend's responsibility to support him, ain't it? Help him through this?"
"I can only do so much, Nick," you scoffed, "I'm just one person and he's a stubborn jackass - he just pushes me away. I'm sure I don't help the situation by accepting your contracts."
Fury considered your words for a long moment, then asked, "You said he's lonely?"
"Wouldn't you? Given his situation? He won't say, but I know losing Steve caused a part of him die."
Nick shrugged, "So get him a dog."
You never wouldn't guessed those words could ever pass Nick Fury's lips, head cocking, eyes narrowing, arms crossed over your chest. "I'm sorry, do what now?"
"It's obvious, ain't it? Dude needs company when you're gone, a sense of purpose, to feel like there was something - or someone - depending on him. Might help whatever limbo he's lingering in."
"A dog?"
"A dog. He can take it for walks or whatever."
You considered his recommendation, asking again, "A dog?"
"Do we need to get your hearing checked again? You lose the last functionality of your ears? Yes, a dog."
"I don't know..."
"It's just a suggestion, might promote his peace, help him process grief and guilt. Telling you, a dog would do him good. Now," he took another sip of tea, "onto business."
"You give me whiplash," you chuckled. "What's this job?"
"Simple and easy," he pulled up a tablet from the chair beside him, tapping it three times and handing it to you.
"None of your jobs are simple or easy, Nicky-Nick."
"I told you, don't call me that. Look, I just need you in London to investigate a string of potential terrorist activity. Just some recon, you won't be gone more than a few days - if you behave and stay on task."
You scanned the document, "When do I ever do that?" He chuckled briefly, you wondering, "Flagsmashers? Jesus, what a name. C'mon, you can't be serious. These guys are just radicals - you know, trying to vouch for those displaced after the Blip. It's actually kinda endearing, I mean, they're trying to give a microphone to those without a voice."
"They're escalating - too quickly," Fury informed. "They haven't raised any international flags yet, but something ain't right about them. I just need you as eyes and ears, maybe report if you think they're worth the worry."
Little did you know, in only about a month, you would join forces with Bucky and Sam Wilson - The Falcon - to dismantle the organization.
"When do I leave?"
"Tuesday would be ideal. But I can push it to Friday if you wanna go get that dog."
Your laughter was endearing, handing the tablet back over.
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Bucky liked holding hands, though, he often wouldn't ever voice it. It made him feel tethered, anchored to reality; instilling a sense of pride to have such a gorgeous lady - such as yourself - at his side. However, the part he liked most, was being reminded he wasn't alone; even when on crowded, overpopulated streets, he didn't have to be afraid because with his hand in yours, he looked just like everyone else. You protected him even without intending to or without even knowing what you were doing.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," he sighed, people on the street sidestepping and avoiding running into you two. "I was upset, stressed out, you know how I get after seeing Raynor."
"It's okay, baby," you assured, ever the patient, loyal, and supportive girlfriend he needed. "I'm not holding it against you, but just promise me, when you're ready, you'll tell me."
He nodded, "I will - I mean, I promise." You hummed and pet his bicep with your other hand, giving his arm a hug. "Now are you gonna tell me where we're going?"
"I told you, it's a surprise."
He was ready to reply when a small commotion echoed from the alley you were passing, Bucky coming to a jarring halt that yanked on your arm, swinging you around. You were ready to ask what was happening when you clocked one of Bucky's "friends", an older man named Yori Nakajima, arguing with one of his neighbors.
"Hey, hey, Yori," Bucky intervened, you watching from the mouth of the alley, "woah, hey, what's going on?"
You couldn't hear whatever Yori was saying, but Bucky turned to the other man and growled something at him that made the neighbor scurry off. He glared at you, lip curled in a sneer, disappearing amongst patrons of the crowded sidewalk. You frowned and approached Yori and Bucky, your boyfriend still trying to calm his friend - well, 'friend' was a very generous term. See, Yori was the father of a young man that died by the hand of the Winter Soldier, being a name on Bucky's list he needed to make amends with.
However, when you took your place beside Bucky, Yori was waving you both off and shuffling down the alley, towards one of his apartment building's doors. "What was that all about?" You asked softly, taking note of the disgruntled expression your boyfriend usually wore these days.
"Just," he sighed, shaking his head, "Yori's upset with some of his neighbors - thinks they're encroaching on being disrespectful."
"When doesn't he?" Bucky sighed, you wondering softly, "You think you're ever gonna feel ready to tell him?"
"I'm working on it," he sighed sadly. "All right, c'mon - "
You both paused with furrowed brows when there came a series of shrill meows from under a couple of soggy, cardboard boxes beside a dumpster. "Did you hear that?" You asked.
"Uh-huh."
Another elongated meow was heard, Bucky curiously approach the discarded trash coated in sewage sludge. He slowly squatted, you approaching his shoulder when another meow cried out. Now, normally, you'd never investigate animal noises out of fear they were feral and carrying disease, but something just felt sad about what you heard - apparently, to Bucky, too. Gingerly, he reached out and lifted a piece of dripping cardboard, seeing a bundle moving under the next piece. He moved that one, too.
"Oh, my God!" You cooed when a tiny kitten was revealed. White fur was stained with dirt, sludge, and other nasty juices; nose pink, eyes a piercing, clear blue with brownish tear stains rimming them. The kitten mewed in greeting, pacing a tight circle before trying to back up in the brick wall; hunching its back and hissing slightly when you lowered yourself into a squat beside Bucky. "Baby, it's all alone, should we help?" You pouted.
"I don't think it wants our help, doll," he sighed. "It looks scared of us. Bet the mother's around somewhere, be a shame to move it if she's coming back."
"It looks too skinny, maybe it's alone?"
"Or maybe it's not," Buck countered. "C'mon, sugar, we can't take it."
After a bit of back and forth, you finally relented and had to walk away. You frowned for at least two blocks, but upon your halt at a crosswalk, you were greeted by another shrieking meow. Whipping around, you and Buck both looked down to discover the wee little kitten had followed you and was practically yelling for your attention. You grinned.
"Well, now we really have to help it," you told Bucky.
"How?"
"We take it to a shelter," you answered, shrugging, "good thing I know where one is."
"What's it doing?" Bucky asked nervously, the kitten dancing around your legs; brushing up against you both, meowing the whole time.
"I think she wants you to pick her up," you smirked.
He sighed and stooped to scoop the little creature in hand, regarding it carefully; weighing it, checking paws and other vulnerable spots. Bucky muttered, "All right, yeah, fine, let's take him to a shelter. Little beast needs some food it feels like, definitely a flea bath and some fresh water."
"You big softie."
"Lead the way to the shelter, princess, c'mon," he ignored your jab, tucking the kitten into his chest protectively. "He feels fragile," Bucky worried, "maybe you should carry him, I might crush him."
"You've got the little babe, Buck," you assured, "you're not gonna hurt him - I mean, if it's even a him."
"By the attitude, could be a girl," he joked, making your heart lighten. He'd been in such a funk that you missed his teasing, soft words; the little jokes he cracked, his smile - God, you missed seeing his smile. During your time on the run after DC, while seeking refuge in Bucharest for a couple years, you grew accustomed to seeing his radiant smile; remembering how easily he offered it when just the two of you. For a moment, you considered how your relationship was no longer just you and Bucky - but his trauma, too.
Arriving at the shelter, it was like an assault on the senses. Dogs were heard barking from the kennels, the pungent smell of urine and wood chips smacking you in the face, and a sort of humidity lingering in the air - a sharp contrast to the crisp outside.
"Hi," you greeted the receptionist, offering a kind smile.
"Hi, there. How can I help you two?" The man with long hair asked.
"Well, uh, two things," you explained, "one: we'd like to tour your kennels, we're interested in adopting a dog - "
"We are?" Bucky gaped.
" - and two: we found this little fella in an alley," you pointed to the kitten curled protectively against Bucky's warmth. "We wanted to make sure he was okay, maybe leave him here for adoption?"
"Oh," Man Bun blinked, regarding both Bucky and the kitten, "wow, uh, yeah, that's really nice of you guys, rescuing the little guy. You know, since everyone came back few months ago, there's be an influx of strays. A lot of people gave up their animals when their loved ones came back."
"Well, that's super fucked up," your eyes rolled.
"Tell me about it," he sighed. "Look, I'd love to help you guys out, so, tell you what. I can let you back in the kennels - no problem! Help match you to your new companion, but, uh... I don't think I can help you with the cat. You see, we, uh, we've had to start euthanizing the overflow animals or the ones who don't get adopted in a timeframe. We're at our max capacity, so... If you wanna leave him here, uh, I can't promise he'll have a place."
"You'd put him down?" Bucky growled.
"It's not what we want to do," Man Bun swiftly explained, "but it's just necessary - we don't have the room or resources to take him."
"Do you know of any no-kill shelters? Maybe one that has room?" You asked, feeling Bucky's disgust rolling off him in waves.
"Not in the area," Man Bun frowned. "Honestly? I think the closest no-kill shelter's in Maryland. Maybe Virginia?"
"Jesus," you frowned, looking at Bucky.
"Look, my best advice?" Man Bun offered, "Take the little tike home, clean him up, and call around to other shelters to see if they have space. But if you intend to adopt a dog, maybe bringing back a kitten isn't the best timing. If you give him up to us, he'll probably be sent directly to overflow..."
"We'll take him home," Bucky instantly decided, shocking you.
"We will?" You asked softly, lips curling in a small smile.
"Why not?" He sighed.
"I would've thought you'd be more of a dog person..."
"I'm not an animal person, but we're not leaving this little guy here just for him to be euthanized. We can handle him for a few days, you know, until we find a shelter with room."
"I think that's a great idea," you grinned.
"But was this your plan? For us to adopt a dog?"
"Well, yeah..."
"Why?"
You shrugged, "Just thought a dog would be nice company when I'm outta town for work. You know, could go on walks or runs together, you'd have someone looking out for you, maybe a dog would help with your stress levels?"
He eyed you for a moment, sighing, "I appreciate that, doll. Maybe another time, though? At least let us find somewhere or someone to take this guy."
The kitten gave a prolonged squeak - seemingly agreeing. "All right, noisy, we hear you," you chuckled, giving the kitten's head a scratch. You asked Man Bun, "Do you guys have the means to check him over, you know, before we go home? Make sure he's not injured or something?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "let me go get one of the technicians."
After the tech's exam, you were given the paperwork from that day's visit, the name, number, and address of a recommended vet, and before you knew it, found yourselves at the local pet store. You would've been ashamed by the absurd amount of money you spent, but Bucky rationalized the need because you weren't sure how long your new companion would stay with you. So, you ransacked the store, buying a sizable litter box, 50 pounds of actual litter, a bag of kibble, case of wet food, several different treats, a balm for the baby's feet, too many toys and stimulation activities, a carrying case in the event of transporting the kitten, and a tiny collar - if you decided to keep the little noise machine.
The sight of Bucky with the little fuzz ball warmed your heart. He still seemed hesitant and stiff, as if afraid to hurt the kitten, but he wasn't so tense anymore. However, he handed the pet over for you to hold while he carried the supplies back home; biceps bulging to support the weight. In that moment, walking familiar streets with his arms full of cat supplies, he questioned how he got here - to feel all domestic and out-of-place. He was Bucky Barnes - a Sargent in the Army, prolific hitman, something of an Avenger now. He didn't adopt cats and buy toys!
However, watching you talk to the kitten softly, he smiled - something small at first that grew like a germinating seed to split his face. You seemed so... Bright, excited, rejuvenated, even. He knew the past five months since the Blip had been rough on you, what with losing Natasha, fighting Thanos and his army of aliens, then ricocheting into 'normal life' only to deal with his emotional baggage. Watching you walk down the street with a fuzzy white ball of energy, pointing out different things, cooing and narrating the city to the kitten as if he could understand was refreshing after seemingly seeing nothing but a frown on your lips recently.
To Bucky, as long as you were happy, he was happy - and it seemed you were very content with your new little buddy. So, he was happy with your new little buddy and figured a dose of domestic life wasn't the end of the world. In fact, he actually felt... Intrigued by the newest addition to your little family.
When you returned home, it was to an empty apartment. Bucky dropped the supplies in the living room, hands to his hips, looking around, "Well, uh... At least there's room to run around, right?"
You nodded, "And no risk of ruined furniture."
"Yeah," he sighed, watching you set the kitten down. "All right, pip squeak. C'mon, lemme give you the tour - pay attention. So, in here," he moved around the wall, kitten following and listening intently, labeling, "this is the kitchen, this is where you'll get your meals - and no, you're not allowed on the counters." He pointed a warning finger, "Don't let me catch you up there or there's gonna be hell to pay. I don't wanna find your hair in my morning bagel."
"Buck, you don't eat breakfast."
"Fine, then I don't wanna hear my girl found hair in her bagel."
The kitten mewed loudly, trotting to keep up as Bucky walked around the barren apartment - giving a literal tour. You unpacked the supplies, setting up a raised food bowl beside a full water bowl. You left the treats in an empty cupboard, the litter box ready to use in the bathroom, and tossed some toys around the open, empty living room floor. You meandered, stashing other supplies, hearing the scampering thuds of excited little feet.
When your head popped out of the kitchen, you grinned at what you saw. Bucky was sat on the floor, flicking a feathered stick over the hardwood floors for the kitten to race around and try to catch. The longer you watched, the more defenseless Bucky seemed, and dare you say it, he looked calm - maybe even happy. His eyes were locked on the animal's antics as if he didn't want to miss a single movement he made; small smile making him look younger and brighter.
You made a mental note to thank Nick Fury for his suggestion. Sure, he actually said to get a dog, but this kitten seemed to have the same effect.
"Hey, baby?" You called, hanging up your phone after calling the recommended vet. "So, uh... Listen, you know how I have to go outta town on Friday?"
"Yeah?" He glanced up, letting the kitten wrestle his booted foot.
"So, I managed to get a vet appointment but it's for Friday. Is that okay? Or do you want me to reschedule for when I'm back so we can go together?"
"Oh, uh, no, that's all right, sugar, keep the Friday slot. I can take him, it's not a big deal."
"You sure? I hate having to saddle you with this responsibility."
"I'm sure," he nodded, "I can take him, it's okay."
For the rest of the week, you had a front row viewing of an incredible bond being formed. The kitten liked you, you two had many moments together, but it was obvious the little guy adored Bucky. He was stuck to your boyfriend like Velcro, following him everywhere, shrieking for attention when Bucky was preoccupied, liked being held when he cooked, even tried to get in the shower with Bucky. They played together, Bucky's laugh warming the entire apartment; positively obsessed with one another, the little guy even sleeping between you and Bucky.
It was as if you both forgot to look for the kitten a permanent home, the lack of furniture providing wide space for play and entertainment. Bucky even got one of those cat trees, couple individual scratching posts, and a laser pointer that drove your furry friend up the wall. There was some unspoken rule about naming animals - where if you named them, they were yours officially. So, one evening over dinner, you proposed a few names, Bucky giving his opinion; but then you began to consider "theme" names. Because your little buddy was white, you mused over names like Noelle or Snow, but finally settled on Alpine after narrowly beating out Aspen.
The day you flew to London, you warned both Bucky and kitten to behave themselves. Later that night, while you were sat in a tinted SUV for surveillance, your phone rang with Bucky's contact. "Hey, baby, how's it going?" You answered, refocusing through your advanced camera lens to snap necessary photos.
"Good, yeah. Uh, how's London?"
"Pretty dreary, it's been raining all day. Hey, how was the vet appointment?"
'Oh, yeah, no, it was, uh, yeah, it was good. Gave Alpine a buncha shots, microchipped her, started her on antibiotics - "
"Did you say, 'her'?"
"Yeah, that was the other thing - turns out, Alpine's a girl."
You chuckled, "Well, I'll be damned. How're you feelin', Buck?"
"I'm... Okay."
"I'm sorry I'm not there," you sighed. "Nightmares again?"
"Yeah."
"Sleeping in the living room?"
"You know it."
"TV on?"
"Reminds me I'm not where I dreamt I am."
"Well, I'll be home in a few days."
"What's this mission?"
"Just a little recon, I'm only to observe. Nicky told me to keep an eye on some suspicious activity."
"Don't tell me you're sitting in a white van?"
"No, sir, it's a Rolls Royce this time," you chuckled.
True to your word, you were home by Tuesday night. The transatlantic flight was long and tedious; a storm creating steady turbulence, making it absolutely impossible to get any shut eye. When you landed, you made a beeline to the Starbucks and got the largest coffee possible with an added 2 shots of espresso before exiting the bustling airport. Outside, waiting at the curb, Nick Fury himself stood before a sleek and shiny car that probably cost more than a 4-year education at an American university.
He smirked, "Welcome back, kid."
"Nice of you to pick me up, Nicky-Nick."
"Don't call me that."
"Don't call me 'kid'."
"Get in the Goddamn car, I'm not having this argument again."
After storing your luggage, Nick drove you back home while listening to your mission report. You didn't think the Flagsmashers were extreme enough to warrant intervention, but all Nick heard was that now was the time to strike before there came the need, before a chance for escalation could occur. You left the tablet full of notes, observations, photos, and data with the one-eyed man, and before you fully departed the car, paused to lean in the open window.
"Hey, uh, I've been meaning to thank you."
"What for?" Nick asked, face hardened in a permanent look of disagreement. You never took it personally - Nick Fury having professional Resting Bitch Face (RBF).
"Your advice about getting Bucky a dog."
"No shit," he chuckled, "you actually got him a dog?"
"Uh, well, no..."
"What'd you get?" Nick asked in suspicion, watching your lips roll between your teeth to restrain your smile. "Ah, hell no! You didn't! A cat? A fucking cat?"
"I know you don't like them - "
"Bitch! One scratched out my eye!"
"But our cat didn't."
"Doesn't matter - fuck all them felines."
You laughed and slapped the metal door, "Well, thank you anyway for the idea of a companion animal. Bucky's a lot calmer it seems."
Nick Fury sighed, waving you off like a pesky insect. "I'll call you when I got another job. Have fun with the little demon."
"You talkin' about Bucky or Alpine?"
"The cat - wait, Alpine? The fuck kinda name is that?"
"You know, Alpine... Like the Alps?"
His head shook, "I know what fuckin' alpine is."
"Why don't you head off - looks like you're gonna give yourself a stroke. Didn't realize getting a kitten would stress you out this bad."
"Get out my Goddamn window and I can leave."
You grinned and dropped a wink, again, patting the car and stepping back onto the sidewalk. Nick peeled off, leaving you alone to shoulder your duffel bag and head inside your apartment building. When you got to your desired location, the door opened without the usual creak, Bucky obviously WD-40'ing the hinges. "Hello?" You called softly, hanging your keys on the little peg in the foyer, toeing out of your shoes, glancing around the empty apartment.
Ready to call out again, you actually almost choked on air when you inhaled but stopped abruptly. You pouted your bottom lip at the sight of Bucky sound asleep in his nest on the floor, TV's lighting flashing and creating shadows, giving clear sight of Alpine curled in a tight ball on Buck's chest. His flesh hand was raised to rest on his chest, keeping Alpine cuddled to his warmth.
Quickly, you pulled your phone from your back pocket, snapping an adorable picture of your boyfriend before silently tiptoeing away to dispose of your duffel and purse. You sent the photo to Bucky's phone, positive you were keeping the kitten. After a long, hot shower that washed the travel from your body, you changed into loungewear, pulled your hair back, then reentered the living room where you knelt at Bucky's side. In-sync, your presence made both Alpine and Bucky flinch awake - your boyfriend jerking away from your warmth as the kitten hopped off his chest.
You winced, "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, baby, I didn't mean to wake you."
His head shook, "No, it's all right, doll, I wasn't sleeping."
"You were, don't deny it," you grinned, settling on the mound of blankets.
Bucky chuckled gently, "I tried to stay up for you. C'mere," his arm opened in invitation, smirking gently. You settled down and turned into his side, his arm now coiled around your form, constricting to pull you closer so his lips could plant on your forehead. "How was London? Your mission?"
"Easy peasy," you sighed, "nothing too strenuous or stressful. The most 'complicated' part of the whole thing was using a different car each day to avoid suspicion."
"Hmm... Who was the target?"
"Some radical group," you sighed, head resting on his pectoral. "How was it? Just you and Alpine?"
"It was pretty good, nothing to complain about. She's nice company."
As if understanding she was the topic of conversation, Alpine mewed several times in a row as she walked up the seam of your body pressed to Bucky's. She turned in two circles before settling down between you; your grin authentic as a manicured fingernail extended to scratch her head.
"Actually, sweetheart, I've been thinking..."
"Hmm? About what?" You mumbled, eyes drooping with each passing second.
"About how we should keep her - Alpine, we should keep Alpine."
"You're just figuring that out now?" You teased, sluggishly lifting your head to smirk at him. "I knew she was ours the moment you picked her up. It'll be nice having her around, don't you think? I know she's not a dog you can take on walks but with Alpine, you don't have to be alone."
He nodded, "I like that idea. She's a good cat."
"Check your phone in the morning."
"Why?"
"Mmmh, I sent you a picture, you'll see - but it's just confirmation that Alpines part of us now, part of our crew."
"Our family," Bucky agreed softly. He watched you resettle on his chest, spending the following couple hours in the glow of the TV, watching you and Alpine. Bucky's heart warmed to a degree he's never known, making the comparison of himself to Jim Carrey's, the Grinch - a movie you made him watch. Eventually, exhaustion outweighed his domestic thoughts; falling asleep with you safe in his arms and Alpine curled up between you.
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"Well, this certainly is a surprise... I was beginning to think James made you up."
"Oh, please, nobody could make me up - I'm too complex, nobody's got that kinda imagination," you smirked, legs crossed, seated beside Bucky on a sofa; both facing his therapist.
"I'm glad you could finally join us - I've been asking James to bring you for a while now," Dr. Raynor's eyes darted between you and Bucky, making you feel as if she was seeing right into your soul. However, her tone was accusatory, as if scolding Bucky.
So, you swiftly defended, "Well, I'm happy to be here. Bucky's one of my top priorities, I'd do anything for him - including attending any of these silly mandated sessions. Which are bullshit, by the way, because he's not the Winter Soldier anymore so why is Bucky being crucified? Why is this being pinned on him when he technically didn't do anything? The Winter Soldier did."
"Well, healing often takes time and dedication, and must be done in a series of steps. That's how you see real progress. These sessions are a condition of his pardon - "
"I can't believe your government would even enforce these silly little rules considering Bucky's assistance. He fought against Thanos, he fought on our side, and by all means, helped restore what was lost. I just find it pretty dehumanizing to force him to jump through hoops. I mean, for Christ's sake, half the universe was snapped away, you'd think after that, there wouldn't be need for pardons or contingencies - or for holding onto grudges."
"This is simply how we keep order in a post-Blip society. Everything changed in those five years, it's necessary to keep balance amongst all worldly citizens."
You scoffed lightly, "Ever consider these sessions might be doing more harm than good?"
Raynor frowned, "Despite the Winter Soldier being decommissioned, James still has trauma to process and skeletons to clear out of the closet. Yes, the Winter Soldier is gone, but the man remains - and James needs to focus on healing that part of himself. Whatever he did as the Winter Soldier wasn't Bucky's doing, but he still remembers all he did, which creates a heavy toll on the mind. That's part of the reason these sessions are mandated - because the assassin might be gone, but the residual effects still linger."
You hummed, "Well, let's get into it, Doc."
"You know... I've heard a lot about you. James paints you in a very bright light, says your bark and bite are equally as vicious."
"Hm," you nodded, brows perked, "yet I don't know shit about you."
"Perfectly natural. Typically, most people don't gossip about their therapists. It's nice that you could join us for this session."
"Nice to be invited."
She clicked her pen and settled her pad securely on her lap, just staring at you and Bucky for a long moment. You were ready to snap at her when she opened her mouth, "So, I hear you adopted a cat?"
"We did," you confirmed.
"Alpine," Bucky supplied, body rigid with tension and nerves.
"Right... Alpine," Raynor nodded, leaning her elbow to an arm of her padded chair. "How did this cat come into your possession?"
"We rescued her from a dumpster," Bucky answered stiffly.
"Really?" Raynor perked both brows.
"She was under some pieces of cardboard, screamin' her li'l head off," You chuckled. "Though, I think it's safe to say she chose us, adopted us as caregivers."
"How's that?"
"She wouldn't let us pick her up and we were afraid to take her in case her mama was lingering around. Turns out, she followed us. We were at a crosswalk when she caught up, demanding we pick her up and take her home."
"Is that so?"
"I'd like to think so," you nodded. "We were already on our way to the shelter, so, we took her with us, got her checked out."
"Why were you heading to the shelter to begin with?"
"Oh, uh, to adopt a dog. I had a colleague recommend an emotional support animal - or a companionship animal - to help Bucky feel less alone."
Raynor made a note of something. "You work often?" She asked.
"Often enough that I feel guilty for leaving. Figured getting a dog would instill a sense of dependence, you know, help Bucky feel like there was someone depending on him. Help usher in comfort and stability, help keep him calm, focused, distracted. But Alpine does the same thing - no dog necessary, apparently."
Raynor nodded, her wrinkles dimpling as she frowned and wrote down another note. When her eyes lifted, so did her lips; a smirk on display as she praised, "I actually think that's a wonderful idea. You know, there's been a lot of research about soldiers with PTSD benefitting from an emotional support animal. You're right, they promote peace, stability, distraction - gives patrons a tangible purpose, taking care of another life not their own."
"For sure, again, anything to help," you agreed, holding Bucky's gloved hand he kept covered by leather - only worn in public.
"Although, I wonder, why get a pet? I ask because James speaks highly of you, credits you for keeping him stable and on-track. Do you feel as if she's not enough, James? Is that why you kept Alpine?"
"No," he answered instantly, "she's my best girl and will always be enough. Watch your mouth, Doc."
"But sometimes extra help is nice," you tacked on, tightening your hand in Bucky's. "But for what it's worth, Dr. Raynor, Bucky keeps me sane. I keep him balanced. We keep each other safe. Alpine's just an added bonus, a quiet menace to help quell the business of our brains."
Raynor smirked, "I must say, you surprise me, Miss."
"I'm no stranger to mental health. But as I said before, I just want to help." You looked up at Bucky, finsihing softly, "He deserves peace in this lifetime - and if a little ball of fur can help, sign me up..."
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requesting rules and masterlist
Marvel masterlist
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celeste444spacey · 17 days ago
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What is this celebrity energy thing anyway? + how to actually start with channeling it
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Some people are just magnetic and just seem to effortlessly get likes and attention on social media. Some people just seem to be getting more, even though you are just as, and if not more talented.
How do they do this anyway???
Well my loves, it's a little thing that we call here, Celebrity Energy.
Now the thing about celebrity energy is a lot of people mistake it for talent. And here's the thing,
Talent only gets you so far.
The immediate instinct when you don't get the same attention as some people is "oh i'm not good enough", "oh they're way more talented", "oh i probably am not talented enough for this, oh i don't have skills for this" yadda yadda yadda.
ENERGY gets you famous. NOT your talent. And this is where people get it wrong. And no, it's not even about your looks.
You have probably met certain people in your life that just have this unexplainable appeal to them. It's just something that pulls you into their orbit and keeps you hooked.
Now that energy? That magnetism? That some sort of 'there's-more-to-them' feeling you get? That's your key to fame.
Some marketing 101 (from a business student herself)
When you sell a product you focus on it's core values
For example: let's say you're selling a lip gloss, the basic features you focus on while marketing is it does the job. It makes your lips look pretty, or acts a treatment or whatever. Then you move to what differentiates this lip gloss from the other products in the market. Those are the winning attributes i.e. the features that makes people BUY it.
Honestly these core principles apply similarly to you if you want fame but this is the key difference
Your consciousness is the product.
As Whitney Uland says,
Fame is just the resource of having people's attention.
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Channeling the Celebrity Energy
The first thing you have to ABSOLUTELY 1000000% get rid of is the fear of being perceived. As long as you fear being seen and people making opinions on you, you will ABSOLUTELY never get noticed.
That's because that insecurity and fear of perception can create this void like halo around you, and basically flush down all the magnetic parts of your energy down the drain.
You have to let your authenticity linger and have to make peace with the fact that not everyone might like that. The most magnetic of personalities attract two extremes of opinions, people would either kill for them or absolutely hate them. (Taylor Swift and Beyonce for example).
Celebrity Energy is a mix of confidence, charisma and absolutely unapologetic aura.
Best part? You don't even need to be famous.
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Audience looks for someone they can connect to, someone that feels like their 'best friend', someone that they can see themselves in, while also seeing someone they want to be.
And that's why people say swifties are rabid. Taylor has created a very fundamental connection with them over 18 years that has brought us to this very landscape where she holds such cultural significance over two generations. It's almost an emotional significance she upholds in many people's life to the point for the fans, it feels like they know her even when they don't actually know her.
They feel like she's their best friend when she doesn't even know they exist.
And that's cause of the vulnerability she has shown to throughout her discography or her journey. She's not scared to be perceived. Same with you, you shouldn't be scared to be perceived. Because other people's perception is not something you can control. And other people's perception is not your responsibility.
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Well this is it for this post, I will be making another post detailing on how to actually channel your celebrity energy, since this one already got long enough ahaha. (And super sorry for the inactivity, ya girl had her midterms and she was kinda slacking off soooooo)
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theysaidhush · 3 months ago
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hii its my first time req also i love love love ur writing 🫶🏻 i was wondering if u could do an ot8 skz x fem reader poly and if not either seungmin or lee know where the reader has a severe panic attack during isac? the rest would be up to you and of course if you dont feel comfortable doing this dont feel pressured to
There's always light at the end of the tunnel
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➝ YouCan'tSeeItButIt'sThere!OT8 x 9thMember!Reader ➝ You don't have panic attacks. Jisung does but you don’t. Right..? ➝ angst, comfort? ➝ wc. 2k Hiii omg I'm your first !!! I'm so sorry that it took me such a long time to answer, hope you're still around !!
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Are panic attacks something that you fear, or have? Not at all. You know what they are, you can try to understand how people feel when they are having one. But since you've never been the one to have it, you don't really understand, you don't...feel it.
Sometimes, you're a witness - it's not something that one would willingly witness for it can create some awkward thoughts and clumsy actions. A thing that people don't tell you, it's how you feel when you actually get to witness a panic attack. It's like you're having one too, especially when the person having it is close to you. You don't know what to do, what to say - should you hold his hands or let him breathe? would it be weird ask him if they're alright - spoiler alert, it is. But it's not something that is taught in school, something that people are aware of - like how you should or shouldn't behave in front of a wild animal. Yet it should.
But you were fine standing in the side lines. The only person who ever had a panic attack in front of you was Jisung. Don't get me wrong, he is your Sweet Cheeks - no one should ever tell him that this is his nickname in your phone, he would get cocky - you partner in crime and your bud. But by fearing how he saw you, you never quite acted during one of his moments. Maybe you were worried - you can be quite something at time. Maybe you were too much, as one of the kids was always here for him, even if you were there before - are you jealous ? A bit.
But it never crossed anyone's mind that this would happen to you. The never ever sleeping little chipmunk high on life. You can congratulate, you've been hiding quite some things under the bed. Things that made the monster sympathize with you. And you thought it was fine, you really thought that someone else needed the attention and the care. It never crossed your mind that there was enough love in the eight's heart for two little anxious chipmunks high on life. But for you're defense - not that anyone blames you - you hadn't seen it coming.
Everything was fine, and then it wasn't. People tend to say that you never get used to the feeling. The overwhelming need to breathe. The first time is always the worse. You don't know what's happening. You are scared, you feel alone, breathless, and you can't hear nor see what's going on around you. And then in a brief moment of clarity it crosses your mind.
Me?
Because you always thought that you were not sad enough for that. And it's the worse that happens. Discovering that you are in fact not alright. That you're dealing with shit bigger than yourself, heavier than what your body can handle. And you fall.
It has never happened before.
Why me?
Why can't I breathe?
Am I dying?
What's wrong with people?
Why are they looking at me?
What's wrong with me?
Someone..?
One moment you're playing with gravels on the ground, the other you're staring blankly at the same spot, eyes unmoving and hands slightly trembling.
Kim Seungmin knows you quite well. Stays know that Sungmin knows you quite well - when you joined the group, a few years later after Stray Kids' debut, it took just a month or two for your ship to be one of the most popular in Stray Kids. It would have been weird, knowing that people were expecting you of fantasizing about a non-existent relationship with one of the youngest. But like it was meant to be, just a month later he was the one to look you in the eyes and tell you what you needed to hear. He was your emotional support. The anchor to your sailing and swaying ship. So yeah, Kim Seungmin might be the one who knows you the best among Stray Kids. And he knows that your eyes usually do not look like one of a dead fish.
He does't move. He stares at the screen displaying the score of each groups competing in the ISAC. Stray Kids' not bad - they're serving, like they usually do. His arms sway awkwardly and he shift his weigh on his right leg. He then looks at you for a brief moment. You're not moving. That's weird, you don't usually stay on the same spot for more than a good twenty seconds.
"What's got your panties in a twist?"
Seungmin hopes that Stay aren't that good at playing detectives and lip reading, because Changbin proved once more that he doesn't give a single fuck about his idol image.
"I'm not mad? What makes you think that I'm mad?"
"Well..." Changbin stops in front of the taller boy, one eyebrow raising as he takes the famous 'pregnant woman pose'. "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you know?"
For a second - one that dumb Jisung and dumber Hyunjin wouldn't have caught - the singer takes a look at his girl. A brief second. But Seo Changbin do not need more than a second - he is Seo Changbin after all. And what he sees, or understand, do not seem to please him.
"What's up with her?"
He says that with a frown in his face, abandoning his ridiculous posture for one which is more menacing, which could show everyone that something's changed. But Seungmin carefully catches the hem of his vest before the rapper goes toward their ninth member.
If you ask Changbin what he doesn't like about being a K-pop idol, he'd probably say "Nothing" with a smirk on his face. Because Seo Changbin does what he wants and eats what he craves. But if there's one thing that he hates, it's when he can't help people who needs it - especially their female member - because of the repercussion it could have on his group. And he knows it. Seungmin knows it. He is reckless, and they don't need that right. Especially not right now.
A few days later, what happened between them made Stayville go crazy with some cliché videos and compilation of the two men standing close to each other. The famous Seungbin compilations. Little did they know that nothing romantic was happening between them - not at that time anyway.
"Is she..." Changbin's eyes narrowed, looking thoroughly at the young woman as a raw terror and uneasiness flooded his body, "even breathing?"
It was a valid question. To those who were surrounding her and looking close and carefully enough, it was clear that her face was getting paler. Now, it really was worrying.
As if walking into a shop, Seungmin's feet led his straight toward his member, light heartedly and without any sense of urgency. But inside, he felt like bile was rising up his throat, the pure terror hidden behind curtains of hair a unusual and unfitting expression on his girl.
It only seemed normal to crouch next to her and to comfort her with his warm touch - she usually craves it.
If the way you tense up and get slightly away from him is a sign, you clearly don't need it right now, don't even want it. And you have never denied him affection. You always came to him whenever something bothered you - or he would tease the answer out of you, it depends. Why couldn't you bear the mere idea of him touching you right now, when you clearly needed him the most? Why were you refusing the only sense of normalcy in this raging sea of cold water and prickly wreck?
You vaguely discerned the hurt on his face, above the other millions of emotions swimming in his eyes.
"It's okay Seungmin, I got it."
It was a just whisper. Like a siren's voice coming from beneath the surface. What a great parallel, you would have praised yourself in other circumstances. Among all the chaos happenings in and outside your head, you vaguely understood that you were taking somewhere else. It was dark, silent. The light wasn't blinding you anymore, your eyes could rest, the storm was now only raging in your head.
"I can do it... Please."
There's a brief movement that you can't even register in your haze before you feel warm hands engulfing yours. The feeling isn't disturbing, like Seungmin's hand was. You welcome it with a tight grip.
"It's okay to cry, don't hold it."
You really wanted to voice your confusion. Why would you cry? You just felt like you were dying, why would cry help.
"You just have to let it all out. This happens when you bottle up your emotions for too long, then you feel like you can't cry in front of other, or scream, because this is not socially acceptable, so you just hold it in."
The accuracy of the fact was almost scaring. Your eyes, unfocused, tried to identify the silhouettes before you, a choked sob escaping your lips as your legs failed you and you tumbled, your back hitting the cold wall behind you as the silhouettes carefully helped you towards the ground. It was cold. It was nice.
"And when you hold it in, you feel like you can't breathe. Like the world is closing up on you. Everyone is staring, but no one is looking. They can hear you, your thoughts, they can see your deepest secrets, feel how you feel... It's disturbing, isn't it?"
You try to nod, the memory from just a moment ago burning behind your eyelids, the hurt on Seungmin's face. It's not that you don't trust him...
"You just don't want them to see you like this. Vulnerable, pitiful...weird."
Another choked sob escape you, a puff of air leaving your lips, and you feel slightly better as you inhale. Only once, but it's better than zero.
"You don't want them to know that you lied when they asked you if you were okay. You don't want to fail them."
While the words utter by this person seems terribly accurate, it helps soothing the raging storm, which now seems to have been replaced by a grey clouds pouring down on you.
"But you're not failing anyone. They want to help you."
A ray of sunshine.
"It's not wrong to feel those emotions, to experience those episodes."
Another one. It's warm on your skin.
"You're not dying, noting's wrong with you, we're just here and we'll stay as long as you need us. We're not leaving."
Your breathing is back to normal, if not a little shaky, and you feel the ground you're sat on. You never really thought about it. But "There's always light at the end of the tunnel", right?
Your light is warm and comforting, leaving a tingly sensation in your head after each words spoken with care.
"It'll happen again. From now on, you'll have those panic attacks again, at random moments, whenever you feel overwhelmed, whenever you feel." the other silhouette says, his hands hovering over your cheek, not daring touching you. "It's not unusual to refuse help and shy away from the person whose opinion about us is the most important. Seungmin will understand."
And your light has a form and a name, and right now, two rays are shining brightly on you.
You bury your head in Jisung's neck as he wraps an arm around you and let your cry fill the room, Minho's presence on the other side comforting even if not touching you in any way.
"It's gonna be alright, we'll get through it together. You and I."
Jisung's words are not just that: words. It's a promise. At the moment, it doesn't even cross your mind that he sees himself in you, that he feels like it is his duty to help you. The way you're curled up into his chest, tears washing down your face, sobs escaping your lips without interruption. You look like a child. Scared.
But it's alright, because even if you don't know how you'll live with this, you'll manage. Jisung did, and you ought to be just as strong as him. Even if it means hiding from everyone but Minsung. It'll get better overtime, right?
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theminecraftbee · 1 year ago
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hermit horror week day 4: season 7 or taken over
Xisuma slowly blinks at the console logs for the server again. He's very tired; he's been collecting blackstone again, and it's very tiring, collecting blackstone. He's been building a lot of pretty houses, and stocking a lot of shops, and he hasn't had time to look at the console much recently. He probably shouldn't be now, because he's tired, and tired people make mistakes.
He makes a lot of mistakes; he's silly like that. A big derp. It's why he has to be careful, since he's been tired so much lately. He definitely shouldn't have the console open.
It's just, earlier Impulse had a question, since his moss farm kept lagging, and Xisuma thought it would be easy enough to try to find the root cause of. And he did find the root cause of it--Impulse's farm is too fast and his storage simply doesn't keep up with the amount of moss--but there's... some other things...
He blinks again at the dates on the server files. The last edited dates. Slowly, he clicks again on his own player data, and tries to make sense of what he's reading. Files like this, they aren't really meant to be that human-readable. It's--well, it is mostly json, so it's mostly human-readable, actually, but a lot of it is still encrypted, for player safety, which would. Maybe explain what he's looking at? He thinks? He's--well, he does have root access, is the thing, because he's the admin, but he still shouldn't be able to look at any player willy-nilly.
He's a little too much of a derp to be trusted with that. He probably shouldn't even be looking at his data! It's just. That last edited date. Xisuma doesn't edit his own player data. That way lies madness. He's, uh, pretty sure he knows some people who went a little mad doing that. So the fact of the matter is--well, it's not the only file that's been edited recently, he tells himself. Just because it's a lot of memory files that seem to have been edited, as well as access permissions--that's... normal enough for a new season, right?
He's...
He doesn't notice his other self walk up behind him.
"Oh, hey Xisuma. You finished gathering materials for our next build, then?" Evil Xisuma says. All of Xisuma's hairs stand on end.
"I mean, I've gathered enough to get started," Xisuma says.
"Pity. I was really hoping you'd manage to get everything. I thought maybe we'd finish today, but I guess we can't now."
"I--you're right. I'm really sorry."
"No, no, don't worry, don't worry, my friend," Evil Xisuma says. "We probably couldn't have finished today anyway, even if you said you'd try for it."
Xisuma's heart is in his throat. "Sorry, my head's just been. You know how I am. Silly me, forgetting things."
Evil Xisuma shakes his head. "It's awfully lucky I came back this season. Think of all the important things you'd be forgetting without reminders!"
Xisuma looks down and away.
"Gosh, and now you're... playing around in the admin console?"
"Oh!" Xisuma says. "It's, er, nothing really big..."
"Can I see it?"
He barely resists the urge to close out of his player data and hide that's what he'd been looking at. He doesn't know why he wants to hide it. It's not like--well, if Evil Xisuma got mad about it, it would be... right, wouldn't it? Because, well, Xisuma knows full well he shouldn't be looking at or editing his own player data. Editing your own data is the way to madness, and Xisuma, well, he's been so tired lately. He could easily accidentally hit a button. He could easily accidentally hit delete. He has root access, after all.
His heart is in his throat again. He shuffles his feet. "Sure," he says, finally. "I, er, I promise, I wasn't doing anything. I just noticed the last edited date on, uh, files that aren't automatically created by the system? And I thought, gosh, that's weird. I'd only been in there to check on Impulse, really, after he'd had some lag issues. I was just finishing up. It's nothing--the date's weird, though, right? That's all I was noticing."
He watches Evil Xisuma's fingers scroll through all of Xisuma's data. It's not quite fast enough that Xisuma isn't sure he's reading it, and suddenly, Xisuma feels very small.
Finally, Evil Xisuma hands Xisuma's tablet with the admin console open back to him. Xisuma looks down, and Evil Xisuma has closed out of the player data again.
"You just forgot the last maintenance date," Evil Xisuma says.
"Really?" Xisuma says.
"Oh, yeah, for sure. You're so tired lately. You silly derp. You've just been forgetting things easily. You should really get more rest!"
"Oh, but then we won't finish our projects," Xisuma says.
"I guess we wouldn't," Evil Xisuma says back.
"It's just--it's. Most of the time, access permission for player memories isn't edited during maintenance, and I just--I don't remember putting your name down?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
Xisuma tries to think.
"I don't know," he says finally, small, unable to meaningfully articulate anything about what's wrong with it. "I guess it only makes sense, if I'm forgetting things so easily."
"Exactly! Gosh, we make a good team," Evil Xisuma says, and he smiles at Xisuma. Xisuma crookedly smiles back.
"Yeah, we do," Xisuma agrees.
"Don't pull that out again unless I say so, okay?"
"Okay," Xisuma agrees automatically, and then he knows he will not. It makes sense. If he was upsetting himself over nothing like this, why, imagine what he'd do if he could open it whenever? He'd just constantly be upsetting himself!
"Now, my friend, let's return to building the Evil Empire."
"Let's!" agrees Xisuma, and just like that, the entire encounter slips from his mind.
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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 10 months ago
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Would you mind sharing your planning process of the comic? I'm starting to brainstorm a fiction idea and right now the ideas are very messy and I wanted to know if you could show how you plan what happens on a season and on an episode, maybe with an example of a season episode you already published, so I can learn how to organize myself?
I really, REALLY appreciate you coming to ask me for help with this. It's awesome to hear that you respect my writing enough to seek me out as an authority on such things, or at least enough to ask for advice.
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But I'm gonna be real with you - what you're asking for is not a quick slapdash reply that I can whip up in my free time. What you're asking for is an hour long video essay (with examples) on the level of an educational creative writing online course.
And I--I don't know if I have it in me to do that right now. Not with everything else I'm trying to do. (Sorry.)
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BUT.
What I can give you instead is a basic rundown, and maybe some recommendations for where to this stuff.
To be absolutely brief: For me, the best way to visualize how I plan would be to make a flowchart.
Keep in mind that....... I don't ever actually.......MAKE. A flowchart.
Mostly, I am just using this as a visual representation of how my ideas flow from and to each other in a coherent way. The reality is that this skill is something you have to develop until it becomes second nature.
As an example, let's take the episode(s) where I introduced Seaglass.
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This little arc was planned in season 3, but really started to come into play in Season 4.
To make it happen, I started with the obvious main idea: SEAGLASS.
I then broke it down into multiple smaller ideas:
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If you notice, the main plot of this doesn't even start when the Seaglass exposition does. Steven makes Seaglass back in season 3, but doesn't know about it. But these ideas are still important to acknowledge as being a part of the main plot.
I then fill in MORE space between these larger ideas.
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This whole set of steps is just a logical progression of me playing 'how do we get there'. I make up plot points and say 'what happens to get from A to B?'
And keep in mind - this may seem kinda obvious. That's because... it should be! But that's how the planning happens.
Realistically, it's just a bunch of asking myself questions. The same exact questions I refuse to answer in asks.
"What happens next? What would happen if....?" "Why doesn't Steven know about ....?"
"How would Steven find Seaglass if he doesn't know she exists?"
Well she's small and green, kinda like Peridot. So he goes looking for Peridot and mistakes Seaglass for her.
BAM! You've got yourself a plot point. That's a plan, baybee!
And then just kinda rinse and repeat.
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And eventually, you want to make sure that you have some sort of connection back to the main plot point. In this case, it's the realization that Steven CREATED LIFE.
Again, I want to stress - I don't actually........plan.... by writing this down.
I do this process in my head. Often, multiple times per chapter, writing and editing to make it make more and more sense. The important part is about asking yourself questions. The same questions your readers should be asking.
"Why is this character doing this?" "Why is this event happening NOW?" "How will A find out when they realize what B has done?" "What is the BEST time for B to find out...? What is the WORST time?"
All of this takes imagination. It isn't about organization. It's moreso about learning to tetris plot events into their most snug spaces. It's about thinking of events as a staircase, which eventually leads to a larger staircase of plot arcs.
And as a final note, I will say that someday, when I'm less busy, I may make a video about plot. But it will take more time and effort, and for now, please just watch videos by other creators! I'm sure they're just as good at it as I am.
youtube
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bennie-jerry · 9 days ago
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My Beef with Killmonger - An MCU Rant
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I think people struggle to understand that not ALL villains are misunderstood—they’re choosing to be evil and that's it. 
Take Killmonger for example (I’m doing the MCU specifically because I haven’t read the comics—cry about it). 
Besides committing the atrocity of making those half dreads the Frank’s Red Hot for every media with black characters lately, there's aspects I don’t hear people touch on when it comes to Killmonger as a character. And if there are, I sure haven’t heard it yet---so I really hope there's some info on this man I'm missing here. But if no one's gonna call out this man’s BS, I will.
I definitely comprehend that Erik losing his dad was extremely traumatic for him to experience as a child. But Killmonger was only focused on revenge and power alone. Because of the fact that T’Chaka was dead, Erik couldn’t take it out on him and instead decided to channel his anger towards the entirety of the Wakandan royalty—even towards T’CHALLA (even though T’Challa had NOTHING to do with it). 
Even then, T’Challa was MORE than kind enough to let Erik see a Wakandan sunset BEFORE he died. 
“I’m sorry my father was a POS. Here’s a sunset, bro.” 
I get he's played by the oh-so handsome Michael B. Jordan, but let's remove the rose-colored lenses and consider something here.
On top of being a complete narcissist (who killed his GIRLFRIEND by the way), the guy also was just never EVER fit to hold power in ANY capacity to begin with. When the guy did kill (or believe he killed) T’Challa, what was the first thing he wanted to do? 
Did he try to help other poor children in the neighborhood he grew up in?
Did he make a memorial for his dead father?
Did he start a program for fatherless children (like HE was)?
Did he even TRY to do ANYTHING of value that would’ve been beneficial to others in ANY way shape or form?
Newsflash: The answer to all of that is NO.
The FIRST thing this man does as KING is start a WAR between Wakanda and the United States.
Literally his FIRST act as king is to begin an event that could very well have left so many of his people to DIE and cause mass amounts of generational trauma. Meaning there'd potentially be a bunch of children in Wakanda that ALSO won't have their fathers should they die in the war. Is that NOT a major red flag? 
The guy didn’t even DRESS like a king, he just walked around shirtless with a jacket like he was an NYC pimp. 
Even pre-kingship, he already killed LOADS of people before he got to that point. Sure, you could argue that it was in order for him to reach Wakanda or what he planned to do. But does that not raise MORE red flags about his original intent, then? 
Killmonger has a scar on his body for every person that he’s ever killed. The man’s torso is covered top to bottom in scars, meaning he has a major body count. So you’re telling me that this dude's okay with murdering innocent people just to get to a goal that was gonna lead him to kill more people ANYWAY?
Yes, I understand his trauma. Yes, I understand why he's angry at the world. Yes, I do think he's a great villain because every good story needs a good villain. But one thing I'll NOT do is act like this man's actions are justified when they're not. His conquest to create conflict highlights a SEVERE lack of genuine care for the very people he CLAIMS to wanna help.
He's a grown man who had every chance and choice to become better and he never took it because he chose to take his anger out on everyone else since the one who ACTUALLY committed sin against him had already DIED.
And when the “What If” series came out, Killmonger turned on EVERYONE he worked with, took the gauntlets for himself, and tried to reset reality.
Sure, you could say that Killmonger is a representation of black rage and on some level, I'd agree with you in terms of a story telling perspective. But storytelling dynamics don't change the fact this man is a piece of crap.
Don't EVEN try lying to me. The only reason this man has simps on Tumblr is because he's played by someone who's attractive. I bet if he was played by Steve Harvey, you'd all change your tune. 
Trauma never is/will be an excuse to do horrible stuff. Once again, trauma can make a good villain and good villains are necessary. My ONLY issue with Killmonger is that he has a railroad of fans that try to justify his actions.
It's one thing to like a horrible character. And it's another thing to say a horrible character is justified in what they do. The reason why I think it's so dangerous to do that is because it CAN (not that it always does, but CAN) translate into real life instances where people defend ACTUAL human-shaped monsters for things they do as well (ie they're traumatized and/or attractive). That's why we have hybristophilic fangirls slobbering over Wade Wilson (if you know, you know).
But at the end of the day, everyone has choices. Killmonger made his.
Even Killmonger's FATHER was saddened by what his son became while speaking to him on the ancestral plane.
N’Jobu: No tears for me? Killmonger: Everyone dies. It's just life around here. N’Jobu: Well, look at what I have done.
DAWG, WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED—
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yurislotusgarden · 10 months ago
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Hii!! I have a request if thats okay!! :) i love your works btw! Keep up the good work and dont forget to drink, eat and sleep well!<3
So i was thinking of Chuuya, Dazai, Nikolai, and any others if you wanna add with a reader with a ability who can talk, see and hear ghosts! I think its very cool and it barely has any recognition.. Its like toritsuka (from saiki k!) but the reader is less pervy.. and if its okay; can the reader be female? Its okay if its not!! I dont mind!!
So the reader has this ghost ability thing and they used to get bullied and shamed for it because people caught her talking to nothing but she was talking to ghosts, so she became insecure of their ability and sees it more like a curse. So technically a socially akward reader?
If you arent taking requests then you can ignore this!!
Also can i be 💞 anon?
ʚ��ɞ Separate! Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Nikolai Gogol x Gn!Reader
ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so you may find mistakes!
ʚїɞ word count: 3208
ʚїɞ Tw’s: None! Just pure fluff, pet names used, reader’s gender is not specified in any way bcs of how I wrote this
ʚїɞ We're gonna ignore how long it has been since I posted, dear 💞 anon I'm so sorry bcs of how long this has been in my inbox ;-;, I decided to wait with writing this until I watched some of saiki k so I could understand the ability at least a little, Nikolai's part is damn short bcs I didn't really have any ideas for him </3, Only Dazai's part was proofread, I'm gonna edit this post later on to correct mistakes on Chuuya's and Nikolai's parts since the person who grammar checks my works is on a short break rn
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ཐིཋྀ He loves it
ཐིཋྀ This idiot didn't even realize that you have an ability at first because you didn't show any kind of signs😭
ཐིཋྀ He thought you didn’t have one like Ranpo but was told by Kunikida that you do, however, what it is was gonna remain a mystery until you decided to tell him yourself
ཐིཋྀ He found out on a mission where you guys had to chase down a guy with the ability to create a smokescreen
ཐིཋྀ Was about to say that it's over for the day because the guy was gone before you two could realize it (He had a plan to get the man anyway but didn’t feel like it) but then saw you talking to… air???
ཐིཋྀ Like you were just standing there while looking up and seemingly talking to someone
ཐིཋྀ You ignored his ass when he asked wtf you were doing
ཐིཋྀ The brunet was confused until you finally turned to look at him and said that you know where the guy went
ཐིཋྀ You had to briefly explain your ability when you  walked to where the guy ran off to
ཐིཋྀ He does anything to make you more open about your ability because he adores it <3
ཐིཋྀ He wishes you showed your ability off more AND HE VOICES IT OUT
ཐིཋྀ Odasaku is his guardian ghost so you told him without thinking about it since most of the time a person doesn't know the ghost protecting them
ཐིཋྀ He actually teared up when he realized you were serious and that Odasaku was watching over him :(
ཐིཋྀ He told you about Oda after that
ཐིཋྀ He randomly asks you if you see a ghost nearby when you two are outside (does it inside buildings too)
ཐིཋྀ He does it a lot
ཐིཋྀ Please hit him
ཐིཋྀ Dazai said that he wanted to kill your past bullies and you didn't believe him -he was serious-
ཐིཋྀ And no, he didn't find dirt on those people, not at all
ཐིཋྀ And he totally didn't use it later, not at all :)
ཐིཋྀ He once asked if you ever used it to cheat in school (let’s say you had a normal enough life like Tanizaki’s or something) and when you said yes he nearly yelled out “That’s my girl!” with a grin Kunikida scolded him for being loud, and for not doing his paperwork
ཐིཋྀ Sometimes he hears you talk without looking over and assumes you’re talking to him before realizing that no, it’s actually to a ghost that’s in the room
ཐིཋྀ Once Kunikida and he had a mission but the brunet was not getting up from the couch, so you walked up and after a few seconds you told him that there was a ghost, butt naked, right by his face
ཐིཋྀ He did not look up to see if you were lying or telling the truth, he just jumped up from that couch without a second thought before he was gone out the door. He only realized that you lied once they were back and you were laughing at him with Ranpo
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Seiji thought he had everything planned out. He really was sure that there was no way to find him after he ran away from the two detectives. After all, who would search for a running thief in the damn sewers when there were so many better places that could’ve been used to hide in the area?
The plan was in fact a good one, in fact. Kuwahara made it look like he was going towards the warehouses nearby to camp out, while in reality, he came down to the sewers using the ladders, as there was one of the many entrances underground right behind a warehouse.
He was so sure that he wouldn’t be found, that he wasn’t seen, so pray tell, why was he standing face to face with the exact two people he was meant to avoid. The atmosphere wasn’t nice, it was cold, and the smell was even worse, Seiji was trying heavily not to let it show on his face since the two people that were after him seemed to be completely unaffected by the environment they were in. What he couldn’t hide instead, was distress. He did not plan on getting caught any time soon, and yet it looks like he’s 8 seconds away from being behind bars.
“How- How did you guys find me?!”
///////////////////////////
This was not what Dazai meant when he said that he would show you how useful your ability can be (you refused more against it being useful than anything else he said about it, so that’s what he settled for), but it kind of worked so he wasn’t complaining.
“How- How did you guys find me?!”
Kuwahara Seiji, a 25-year-old thief that uses his ability to make himself invisible for all of his plans, making it hard for the police to identify him.
“It was kind of easy, actually!~”
“You’re talking as if you had any part in finding him.”
Dazai really didn’t. Once the criminal ran away after throwing a smoke bomb on the ground, (The brunet has to give it to him, It was annoying as hell and many people would give up on going after him once the smoke settled down) the two of you had no idea which direction he went off to, as there was a few possible exits from the warehouse you first caught him in.
His solution? Asking you to question a ghost nearby if they saw the man. You were really skeptical about that, he could tell.  What he also noticed was how confused you were about his question. You didn’t understand why he would want that, at least at first. It was soon after that you realized he meant.
You can see invisible things, ghosts can see other invisible individuals as well, rendering Kuwahara’s ability useless when it comes to you chasing him down.
He realized that little advantage of yours some time back while lazing around on his favorite agency couch.
Your ghost acquaintances can be quite the helpers when it comes to investigating stuff. He heard from Kenji, that not too long ago, you had solved a case that was meant to take around a week, in a day, simply because it just so happened that a ghost was on the crime scene when it happened. You had an easy time getting clues and proving the words of the ghost to the police with their help.
He knows that a few times like those won’t stop you from being so negative about your ability, he’s aware of the impact your bullies had on you mentally even if you try to not show it, but all of those instances give you a step forward to seeing what Dazai and the others do.
“Oh c’mon ‘donna! I was the one who gave you the idea of asking someone!”
“We would be able to track him down anyway. Asking someone just made it faster.”
Catching him in the end was not hard at all. Kuwahara tried to sneak away using his ability once again, but you could still see him without him realizing it. You could see where he was walking off to, making it possible for Dazai to nullify the guy's ability and catch him before leading him to the police vehicle near the warehouse you guys were under.
“See? I told you your ability is really useful and fun!”
“Where do you see the fun in my predicament?” He could tell you were just done with him for the day, besides being confused.
“I mean, you’re almost never alone, right? You always have someone to talk to!~” He knows it’s annoying to see ghosts all the time without the option to just… not be able to do that.
A sigh came from you before answering, “Exactly, complete silence for me is a rare blessing.” in an exhausted tone.
“I would love to never be in complete silence.” He wished that you could have some sort of an on-and-off switch.
“Samu… That’s because your voices would be quiet-” “I do NOT have voices, bella!”
“Sure, continue being in Egypt.”
“What-”
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ཐིཋྀ Thinks it's very cool actually
ཐིཋྀ Imma put you down as a florist in this one, or just some small/calm kind of job
ཐིཋྀ When he first met you, he didn’t think about whether you have an ability or not since it wasn’t his business in the slightest
ཐིཋྀ Let’s say that you’re a florist and the ginger came in to buy flowers for Kouyou for example. It just so happened that one of the ghosts hanging around in your workplace was feeling silly, and had been pranking the customers the whole day, Chuuya being no exception
ཐིཋྀ When you were at the back getting the bouquet he ordered the day before, his hat was randomly taken off of his head and was floating in the air
ཐིཋྀ Bro was so confused because he knew his ability was off at the moment
ཐིཋྀ Every time he got the hat back onto his head it just floated back up😭
ཐིཋྀ The menace of a ghost stopped only once you got back out of the backroom and scolded them
ཐིཋྀ Chuuya was confused because ‘Who the fuck were you talking to???’
ཐིཋྀ He asked that exact question and even though you were visibly hesitant and nervous, you still explained your ability since he already saw it anyway
ཐིཋྀ You did not get the reaction you expected, which was being made fun of as that was what you were used to, but he instead complimented it <3
ཐིཋྀ Make sure you don’t let a name slip when it comes to your past bullies because you will see them on the news, missing :)
ཐིཋྀ On one of your first dates/early stages of dating, he gave you Marigolds which you lightly laughed at, causing him confusion before you explained their meaning to him
ཐིཋྀ Yeah, he settled for mostly giving you Cyclamens, Blackthorns, and Bluebells alongside your favorite flowers after that, just for fun
ཐིཋྀ Going with the florist thing or just generally, he would help you around with his ability if there’s something heavier to move around 
ཐིཋྀ He would voice out how often he actually wants to see you, albeit embarrassed, but he will show it in lil gestures a lot more <3
ཐིཋྀ I can just imagine him putting his hat on your head and sliding it down over your eyes before giving you a peck on the lips as a goodbye if he was at your workplace and he had to suddenly go
ཐིཋྀ He would try to slowly get you to not be so insecure about your ability
ཐིཋྀ I feel like one of The Flags would be his guardian ghost which could actually make this man cry at the thought :(
ཐིཋྀ Alright but if you met a past bully of yours, or someone newer,  that would try to shit on you for your ability, just tell him, and he will beat them up happily <3
ཐིཋྀ Or just go and have a nice talk with them about their behavior if you don’t want him to beat them up, I can promise that they will never again be rude to you if they value their lives (Or you will see them on the news or hear about them being in the hospital if they don’t ^-^)
///////////////////////////
“Are you sure that you don’t have work right now?”
“Yes, so shut your pretty mouth up and show what else you need to be moved.”
Renovation. A simple small renovation of your small shop was all that you planned. Moving some of the furniture, and changing the place of a few products for easier finding. You had thought that it would take a few days to take care of it since you planned on doing a few things every day so as to not close up the shop for a whole day unnecessarily (and you didn’t feel like doing everything in one day).
The problem was, he was supposedly not meant to know about that. Chuuya found your graphic open on your laptop and saw the renovation plans before realizing that you didn’t speak a word about that. At first, he was confused. Why didn’t you tell him? He could certainly make it faster by helping you.
Yet soon after that, he realized why. You didn’t want him to know because you knew that he would help and, therefore not do his work, something you were always worried about when he stopped by your shop. Well, he was never one not to help you, especially when there’s such an occasion. he wants a thank you kiss besides being a gentleman, your honor
“Is it really that hard to focus on your job instead of helping me move the furniture?” You sighed, pointing to a bookcase and then pointing to a place where a table stood before. “You’re gonna get in trouble.”
“I’m not, besides- HEY!” Looking up, his hat could be seen slowly floating away. He ignored you stifling a laugh as he chased after the hat. Chuuya would ignore it and just continue on with moving your stuff around, but the last time he did that, the hat was later found in a pot, making him have to wash it as it had a lot of soil on it. (A lot of his subordinates wondered why he didn’t have his hat on the next day, he didn't explain it to anyone)
“Can you tell them to stop?!” He could only guess how funny the situation looked to you. To anyone else, it just looked like the ginger was chasing after a floating hat, but you could see the menace that was taking the object away, so it ended up being funnier to you, if you nearly laughing was anything to go by.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear.”
“You’re so mean!”
You hummed softly before answering, “I would prefer to be called entertained.”
“It has nothing to do with what I said, doll.” Was said by Chuuya just as he finally got hold of his hat. Even if the ghost was still holding onto it, at least the hat wasn’t continuously floating away toward the flower-bare pots with just soil in them again.
“Let them have some fun in a while, Chuu, they don’t do it too often.”
“Yeah, and it just so happens that they decide to have their little fun almost every time that I come here.”
“They love you.”
“I wish they didn’t.” 
“It’s better than if they disliked you.”
“Why?”
“There’s a customer that they don’t like for being rude to me,” The ginger frowned at that information but you continued on, “And they are rude back to him every time he comes by my shop.”
“What do they do?”
“Y’know, pull on his clothes and hair, steal his things, and make them completely dirty on purpose, make him think he heard or saw something and that kind of stuff. Pretty sure they stole some of his money from the guy’s wallet.”
Chuuya was quiet for a moment before speaking up. “I think I prefer my hat being occasionally stolen…”
“Exactly!” You shouldn’t smile like that after what you said, but he’s not gonna comment on that one.
“...So the bookcase is the next to be moved, isn't it?
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ཐིཋྀ He fr felt betrayed that he didn't know immediately 
ཐིཋྀ Like he could know you for 5 minutes and be offended that your ability wasn’t one of the first things you said about yourself
ཐིཋྀ He finds it so fascinating that you can contact the dead so easily
ཐིཋྀ Don’t tell him who his guardian ghost is, no matter how much he asks
ཐིཋྀ Just hit him every time he asks, I promise it works to keep him from asking for the next 3 hours <3
ཐིཋྀ You can bet that he talks to Fyodor and Sigma about your ability (He asked you to tell Sigma that there’s multiple ghosts watching him all the time, he believed. Sigma did not sleep for the next 5 days at all because of that thought)
ཐིཋྀ You said it to him again because at some point there was a ghost actually following him, but Sigma didn’t want to believe it
ཐིཋྀ He’s gonna ask a million times for you to join him in pranks if you won’t agree the first time
ཐིཋྀ Just imagine telling someone a ghost-related thing that they can’t prove is not true
ཐིཋྀ You caused someone to be in hospital after they didn’t sleep for way too long
ཐིཋྀ You told Fyodor that there’s a ghost hanging around him all the time, but didn’t say whether it’s the guardian one or some random one, you just left the rat to ponder on which one you mean (Nikolai died when he found out)💀
///////////////////////////
“WAIT! What do you mean there’s some ghost stalking me?!” Nikolai could tell that Sigma didn't expect to be told something like that today, but again, who would?
“I didn’t say stalking, I said following you around as they seem to be interested in you.” Why did you smile so innocently at that? He doesn’t know but he does encourage you since it gets more reactions from the bi-colored-haired man.
“It doesn’t make it better?!”
“I think it does! Some ghosty is interested in our little Sigma!” He had to add something to the fire, what kind of a person would he be if he didn’t?
“Don’t call me that, Nikolai!” 
“But whyyyy?” It was Thursday, the day that the white-haired clown dubbed ‘the best day to prank Sigma!’, even though he says it every week. He also deemed himself lucky as you finally agreed to help him prank the younger man again after rejecting him multiple times.
“Because I’m not little! And I won’t believe you guys again.”
“I don’t agree,” You spoke up, “Even the ghost agrees that you’re small!”
“See Sigma? We even have your beloved ghost on our side!”
“That’s no ‘my’ ghost, and I don’t believe that they said it. [Name] could be lying for all I know!”
“But do you have any way of proving that it’s a lie?” Nikolai couldn’t wait until he took the bait.
“...”
“Exactly!” You grinned before speaking up again a moment later, “They actually have a cute nickname for you that I’m thinking of using now…”
“Should I be scared?” Nikolai regrets not getting you into the pranks earlier, after all, the younger one had no way to prove you wrong. Sigma looks genuinely frightened that it may be real this time.
“No… It’s really a cute nickname that the ghost calls you by because they didn’t know your name when they first started following you around.”
“Stalking.”
“No.”
“I wanna know it! Tell us, dove!” Was it a nickname he could use himself? Or were you lying about it being a cute one and instead it’s weird? He doesn’t know which option he would like more. If he was being honest, Nikolai was feeling like you were telling the truth and not lying again like the last time.
“Cotton.”
“Cotton? Where did that come from?”
“That’s adorable! Let’s call him that!”
“I think that’s a perfect idea, Niko!”
“No!”
Nikolai can already tell that he’s gonna have a lot of fun with that nickname in his vocabulary now.
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨ Taglist ୧⋆ ˚。⋆
@sukiischaotic
Marigolds - Often called “flowers of the dead”, are symbols of positive emotions, like joy and excitement. They also represent energy, good luck, warmth, creativity, prosperity, passion purity, divinity, and the connection between life and death. These flowers' fragrance is said to attract souls to the altar.
Cyclamen - symbolizes the eternal cycle of life, which makes it the perfect flower that means 'forever'. In Japan, cyclamen holds a special place as the holy flower of love, causing it to be a popular choice for Valentine's Day
Blackthorn - Fate, protection, hope against adversity, good fortune, strength, overcoming adversity, purification, and protection
Bluebell - Loyalty, constancy, humility, gratitude and everlasting love
Keep in mind that flower meanings may somewhat be different depending on what site you look at, so excuse me if anything in the meanings is wrong! (hopefully not)
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starfallforest · 3 months ago
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Stop putting 'Too Sweet' by Hozier in your Sylus playlists
I am sorry—this was clickbait. I don’t actually care what you do with your life. But I need you to hear me out for just a second, okay? I am extremely not neurotypical about two things: Love and Deepspace, and Andrew John Hozier-Byrne. And I have seen more than one person in the tags talk about "Too Sweet" by Hozier being a perfect song for Sylus and MC. My only discourse about this is that Too Sweet is a song about a man who makes continuous self-sabotaging life decisions being incompatible with a partner who has her life put together. In my humble opinion, both Sylus and MC are hot messes of people in completely different ways. Anyway, it’s a good song so I don’t blame you for putting it in every playlist ever. In fact, you should. But if you're into this song, I want to show you a couple more pls pls pls 🙏​
I might just be autistic, but both Hozier's music and Love and Deepspace have something extremely important in common… and that’s BEAUTIFUL MEN YEARNING!!!1 And that’s not even to mention the haunting, raw sexuality we can project onto the stories that each of these things feeds to us. That's why I needed to make this post on the 1% chance that someone might hop on this brainrot train with me. So let me present, for just a moment of your time (if you're willing): other Hozier songs that fit Sylus so well I want to combust about it.
De Selby (Parts 1 & 2):
“At last, when all of the world is asleep You take in the blackness of air The likes of a darkness so deep That God—at the start—couldn't bear.” [azlyrics] [gaelic translation]
Imagine just casually writing THE love song that so beautifully says, “Before you were in my life, I kinda understood how God felt before he created the universe.” Excuse me? Andrew just dropped this stanza on us without so much as a cw: fuck you. And if that sickening portrait of gnawing loneliness isn’t enough, we have all the Genesis God references. Since all the LIs in the game are at some point likened to gods or rivaling gods with their power, then add the reverberating instrumentals and chillingly slow vocals in this 2-minute killer, tell me how this song does not fit Sylus. Not only that, but we also have imagery of his lover descending upon him like the night (which is invoked during Part 1 in the Gaelic verse), and I know that’s on the nose for Sylus but come on. I need you guys writing smut to have an orgasm during De Selby (at least Part 2) because it might change ur brain chemistry I'm just saying.
“When you fall on me like night—I wanna kill the lights.” [azlyrics]
This song still rules irt its playing with darkness symbolism, but it also refers to the darkness in the singer’s lover—which in Sylus’ case is MC and we all were there when she shot the guy in the heart like his freaky eye was telling her: “And your heart, love, has such darkness—I feel it in the corners of the room…” my goddddddd stop right there I can’t handle the METAPHORrrr. You think Sylus gives a flying fuck about MC’s frivolous morality bullshit? No he wants her to embrace her own darkness, sit under the blankies with him and cuddle after doing crimes and a beat poetry session. This is some fucking Hannibal Lecter beyond-dark-romance shit. I’m not even trying to write a dissertation here (and yet…)
Talk (from Wasteland, Baby!):
“I'd be the sweet feeling of release mankind now dreams of, That's found in the last witness before the wave hits, marveling at God… Imagine being loved by me.” [azlyrics]
Not only does this song utilize insane Greek mythology metaphor and Biblical comparison but the overall meaning of it is, “I want you so bad, I need to speak poetically to hide how down bad I am for you.” That sounds kinda like Old World Sylus and all his pretty nicknames to me.
NFWMB:
“If I was born as a black thorn tree, I'd wanna be felled by you, held by you, Fuel the pyre of your enemies… Ain't it warming you, the world going up in flames?” [azlyrics]
This whole song just some hard, deep and steady yearning for 4 and a half minutes. Are you kidding? The acronym in the title stands for Nothing Fucks With My Baby, which is sung in the chorus like some quietly violent war chant—soft, dark, and powerful. Anyway don’t tell me Mr. Sylus “Give me a list and then go to bed. I’ll take care of it” Loveanddeepspace wouldn’t scorch the earth for the love of his life—or do one better and stand by her side while she scorches the earth herself; here’s the protective/supportive mans anthem you ordered babes.
It Will Come Back:
“I know who I am when I'm alone—I'm something else when I see you. You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need.” [azlyrics]
This song has repeated imagery that warns of the dangers of taking care of a feral animal, and then compares the feral animal to the singer as a lover. Like fuck off, that’s sexy and haunted. And we know that not only does Sylus love animals more than people, but he’s pretty animalistic himself if we are to believe that maybe he’s secretly a demon or something.
Arsonist’s Lullaby:
“Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.” [azlyrics]
Remember in Lost Oasis when MC goes on some tangent wondering what Sylus' past was like? Well it was this song. It's about troubled youth and learning to grow in your darkness. Also how cool is that imagery of demons? Hey Sylus, what do you have to say about demons? I'll wait. In the meantime I'm tattooing this shit on my clavicle
BONUS ROUND Through Me:
“Everytime I’d burn through the world, I’d see that the world—it burns through me.”
We got a man and we got some fire allusions so there ya go.
Blood Upon the Snow:
“To all things housed in her silence, Nature offers a violence.”
Blood upon the snow—it's red and white! Red!! And white!!! Also kind of a Sylus x Zayne anthem lbr
Ok I hope you found another song that inspires you to make Sylus art or fanfic with!! And before you ask, yes I've already assigned Hozier songs to every other love interest in the game. Ok thanks for reading!!! 🏃‍♀️​💨​
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wombywoo · 1 month ago
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It occurred to me the other day that during Quinn's super turbo trauma story, his neck probably wasn't slashed but choked. And now I have more questions, because somehow I can't stop thinking about your characters. So:
Did Quinn end up having a vision during that event? (Does he get them during every near-death event, or is it more rare than that?)
How the hell did he cope being with Marc? 'Cause I'm about 90% sure that guy would have got off on choking him.
When the taskforce was created, was Quinn still in his relapse where he thought he needed his visions? Did Liz find out? How does he feel about her trying to get him to have more visions? D=
Does Vincent find out Liz is using Quinn like that, and how does he feel about it? (Does Danny find out??)
In fact, how does Vincent feel about the fact an evil vampire caused a mass dragon killing spree and this was Quinn's first vision? I get the feeling that, while Quinn tries to shrug off these coincidences, Vincent is a little more concerned. XD
Also, in your art of Quinn with Marc, the wall says 196 people will die in an ungodly tragedy. Was that the dragon killing spree or another event we have yet to hear of?
Oops. 🙈 Sorry for so many questions! I just want to know all the things. And I can't help but love all your lore drops. <3
Ok!! OK!!!!! You are feeding me so well with these tasty questions auughhh thank you for finding interest in my dumb ramblings !!!!!
There are answers under the cut (warning for some heavy topics, discussion of injuries, domestic abuse, self harm, spoilers for a story that doesn't even exist, etc)
So.
Quinn's throat was slashed. It was cut with a knife, kind of a shaky first slice, but it got deeper and went all the way across; enough force to puncture his trachea, though it didn't sever the vocal cords; he was lying on his back and couldn't move, and honestly..he didn't really feel it at the time. It was all just a very numb, surreal feeling. I won't go into suuuper specifics, but thankfully some pressure was applied to the wound right away, he was resuscitated with cpr, and he was still able to breathe despite some complications to his airway, long enough for him to receive medical treatment.
But he did black out. And he might have seen things.
It's the only vision he's had that he can't remember...
~*waves hands all vague and mysterious like~*oohooohoo
Ok! Visions! So, for the most part, Quinn needs to be medically dead, albeit temporarily, for him to have a vision. Usually, his heart has to stop for one to happen, and he's just lying there, unmoving. Like..dead, dead. This should be a rare event, but uh...he's had more than a dozen visions, I'd say....
The thing is--he always comes back. Even in the worst scenarios (ie. not breathing for more than 5 minutes) he somehow always miraculously revives with minimal repercussions (sure, there's probable brain/heart damage, but it should be way waaay worse) So, he's kind of chalked up this vague 'immortality' thing as a byproduct of the visions...more mystery...
With Marc--yeah. That was just a bad situation all around. A lot of Marc and Quinn's physical relationship revolved around their dangerous power dynamic, so um. yeah. choking was one of the things they messed around with. Quinn actually requested it at the time, out of this twisted self-harm kink he'd developed. (he's, regrettably, the worst at coping with his trauma, so uhhh he feels like he needs to push himself to that same sensation of near death just feel anything at all and uhhh it's not good, you should not do this at home kids, but he feels like strangulation is the closest he can come to feeling alive just for a brief second and yeah he's fucked up he's not good I know..)
It was consensual stuff at first, but after one of their..sessions...Marc pushed it too far, he wouldn't let go and uh. Quinn suffocated and passed out. Marc did manage to revive him, but he...died for a second there. And he had a vision--one of the first dragon attacks in France that would later lead to its occupation by [insert evil vampire terrorist group]. Marc was actually comforting him after, he was just...rubbing him and telling him he was sorry and it was ok, so in the midst of a mental and physical breakdown, Quinn divulged what he saw. And Marc took him seriously, which was also rare. And they talked about it, and...it seemed ok for once.
It was only after that he realized how Marc wanted specific details, stuff he could use to harvest information and push numbers and invest in whatever type of bullshit could make a profit out of tragedy. They carried on with their relationship, but when it came to testing their limits in the bedroom....Marc took it too far again. And Quinn had another vision--a vampire massacre in [specific french location] and 196 people died, and he was crying as he told him how he saw it all from the perspective of a child. Marc seemed eager. He asked him even more questions. But...it was fine. He was still rubbing him, being calm. And Quinn had agreed to the choking. He wanted this. It was actually helping other people if he was able to use this information somehow.
But it happened again. And again. More times... Until eventually Quinn realized he had no say in the matter anymore.
The sad thing was that he convinced himself it was out of love; Marc was very passionate, this was just his way of showing him he loved him....
It became too much...after a while....
ANyway!
So, now we're in the present when Quinn joins the task force with Vincent~
At this point in time, he's gotten help with his mental state so he no longer feels the desperate urge to harm himself and induce his visions (for the most part), and is relatively stable (sure!)
Miss Major Liz is aware of his visions, to a degree. She had mistakenly thought Quinn developed a narcotic problem when she was his CO at some point (yes, he used drugs a few times to induce visions (it was about 50/50 successful)) Most of her awareness had come from Danny, who divulged his part in Quinn's #BFF-bonding-moment4lyfe (ie, forcing his friend to assist in drowning himself. twice) So she does have knowledge of some of the...wackiness.
At this point in our tale, she hasn't done anything about it. Yet. It's a testament to how off the books she works that she hasn't forced Quinn into a psych eval that will surely bench him for the next foreseeable uuhh forever. So she's keeping that on lock.
I do think that [at some point in this potential story of mine] she will consider using Quinn's 'talents' to their benefit. She's a hard lady, not afraid to trade dirty hands for even dirtier handshakes, so there will probably be a time when she wants to take advantage of potential knowledge that can influence her agenda....
Vincent...will not take this lightly.
Honestly, this whole scenario is rife with delicious drama, so I will simmer it on low and ponder it for future conflict in the [insert novel series teehee] to come
Vincent has a lot of feelings about Quinn !!!! and his visions !!! and the evil vampire agenda !!!! Too many feelings!! But all he wants is for his boy to understand that his safety and wellbeing and life are the most important things to him, and none of that is worth trading for a small glimpse at a future that will happen anyway. Quinn...disagrees. This is also teeming with potential drama, you see...
I have a LOT more of this type of speculation, but for now, I will leave you with this dump of lore and trauma for you to sink your teeth into~
Thanks for the saucy and delicious questions <3
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galaxiasgreen · 6 months ago
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💐🍃Flowery Language
Shenanigans with minor Garreth/ Reader [G-Rated, 2k words]
"Are you aware of the language of flowers, Mr Weasley?" "I'm fluent in honking daffodil, yeah. HOOOOONK. See?"
Garreth gets you flowers, and things go terribly wrong.
[read on AO3, read on Wattpad]
A/N: Written for a prompt challenge, 'flower language'. This is a companion to Stay With Me and features my MCs Prim, Gibby and Missy, but can be read with no prior knowledge. Enjoy! <3
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Garreth Weasley swaggers down the hallway with a very important bouquet of flowers.
Today, after all, is a special anniversary: precisely three months and nine days since you started dating. And with O.W.L.s starting soon and the fifth-years hunkering down for the exam period, you've been very keen to frolic the Highlands to escape the stress... just kidding, you hole up in some dark corner of the library and cry about how you don't know anything. Close enough. He's just been making sure you're fed and watered and occasionally getting social contact in the form of a cuddle. Later he'll celebrate with you properly, but for now – what girl doesn't like flowers?
With Professor Garlick's permission he raided the greenhouses for some blossoms, mostly for ones with funny names like cyclamen and rhododendron, and a ton of primroses too, a nice little nod to your nickname, and clumped them together with twine. The end result is a colourful ensemble that will look great in a vase and, not to brag (yes to brag), this might be his best work ever – and he's a potion's genius, so he frequently creates his best work ever on a regular basis.
"Prim!"
In the hallway during lunch, he finds you with your nose in a textbook on your way to the library. Piqued by his voice, you turn towards him, summoning a broad smile, and he sidles up to you with the bouquet hiding behind his back.
"Guess what day it is today?"
You blink owlishly. "Thirty-two days, twenty-one hours and forty-seven minutes until exams?"
"... Well yes, but actually no. Try again?"
You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, frowning. "I'm sorry, I've been so stressed. It's the fifth of May? A Thursday? Oh no, have I forgotten something important?"
"It's our sixty-ninth day together! Isn't that great?" He brandishes the bouquet. "And I brought you—"
"AAAAAH!" you shriek suddenly, flinching backwards and warding him away with the book. "No no no!"
"What the—? What's the matter—?"
"Get it away from me!"
You run away – full on, around the corner, dust swirling in your wake – leaving him standing there with his bouquet like an utter plonker. It takes him a few seconds to process what happened. Did he have bad breath? Did you not want to celebrate? Was it the flowers? He glances down at the bouquet, befuddled. You only reacted when he pulled them out – there must be something wrong with them.
He needs help, and he decides to seek it from the wisest person he knows.
"Mr Weasley, I am a door knocker," says the eagle on the Ravenclaw common room door. "I am not a relationship counsellor."
"I'm not here for counselling!" Garreth says, flinging out his arms. "Prim and I are fine, except for this one thing. It's these flowers. She screamed at them! Like, shrilly! Come ooooon, you love giving me your honest, brutal and often very rude opinion. Is it ugly? Does it smell bad?"
He shoves the bouquet to its beak, and it splutters, "I can make judgement perfectly well from a safe distance, thank you! To answer your question, it is neither ugly nor foul-smelling – by some miracle you have indeed managed to pull that off. No, I suspect the young lady takes a different issue. Are you aware of the language of flowers, Mr Weasley?"
"I'm fluent in honking daffodil, yeah. HOOOOONK. See?"
"That's not what I meant." It sighs. "The language of flowers is a Muggle method of subtly communicating emotions or thoughts through floristry. You know a red rose means passionate romantic love, for example? All flowers have a similar connotation, ranging from friendship to jealousy to life. When gifting flowers, one may create a dialogue of meaning through them."
"And you reckon Prim knows about flowery language?"
"She is a Ravenclaw," it says haughtily.
Garreth glances down at his bouquet. Honestly, he chose most of them because they looked pretty. He's simple like that.
"Okay, so... what do these mean?"
"I'm afraid that's as much knowledge as I possess."
He lets out a laugh. "You don't know something? You? The Ravenclaw door knocker?"
"If you don't want the whole school to know about when you were gyrating to Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 in only a bath towel, I suggest you keep quiet."
"... How the heck do you know about that? I was alone!"
"The dorm mirrors talk, Mr Weasley. Very loudly."
Bloody mirrors... "Fine. Where do I go? Who do I ask?"
"Someone fluent in the language of flowers might be good start. Perhaps a Muggle-born?"
"Gibby." She would know way more about this stuff. He heads down the stairs. "Thanks for the help. You're my favourite door knocker!"
"May my title be swiftly usurped."
Surprisingly, he finds Gibby outside the greenhouses. On her knees in the grass, she seems to be deep in concentration when he lumbers over, her brow scrunched behind her glasses. Strangely enough, Professor Black's house-elf Scrope is also at her side.
"Gibs! I need your Muggle expertise!"
She takes one look at the bouquet before screaming.
"Lord Almighty! Those better not be for me!"
Uh oh. "No! This— I made this for Prim. She ran away when I gave them to her and the door knocker said it might be because of some flower language thingy. Why? What's wrong with it?"
She gets to her feet, wiping grass off her knees. "Okay, my flower language is a bit rusty, but I believe this is what you've told her." She clears her throat. "Beware! I hate you. This is goodbye, you poor, jealous virgin... yay!"
It's like the earth swallows him whole. He said all those horrible things, all in some stupid flowers? No wonder you ran!
"Tell me how to fix it," he says desperately. "Please, I can't have her believing any of that's true!"
"I'd help you, but I'm kind of sort of... doing a punishment right now."
"... What for?"
Scrope finally pipes up. "The young lady thought it appropriate to bake Master Black a cake."
"He's so moody all the time! I figured it would cheer him up."
"She fell as she presented it. A direct hit on Master's face."
"But it tasted great!"
"As punishment, the young lady has been made to count blades of grass for three hours."
"I'm at eight thousand! ... Or was it seven? You sort of lose track after the first. Can I take a quick break, Mr Scrope?"
"Ten minutes," says Scrope. "Only because Master forbade Scrope from laughing when it was very funny."
It's apparently all she needs, when she drags Garreth to the greenhouses and starts plucking flowers furiously.
"You're going to have to scrap the whole bouquet," she says. "I mean, all the flowers you picked were horrible. Just really bad. Awful. It might've been kinder to tell Prim you hate her."
"Really not helping."
"The primroses can stay though. That's the yay one."
"Primroses mean yay?"
"Well, no. It sort of means youth and optimism, which I interpret as yay!"
Of all the flowers he picked, at least this one isn't bad. Gibby runs around taking her favourites.
"Okay, so, we have this one, pink heather, which means admiration. You want to show how much you admire her, right? Yes. More of it. We need amaryllis, for pride, because you're proud of her. Crocus – that means cheer. Oh! Honeysuckle. They grow in Feldcroft, they're lovely. Jasmine for elegance, red tulips for passion, pink roses for happiness.... are you getting all of this?"
"Yeah," he says, absolutely not getting all of this.
"We should add myrtle, for good luck, since she's taking her O.W.L.s soon. And purple hyacinth for sorrow, because you are very apologetic for that last bouquet. Oh, oh! And some daisies!"
"Aren't daisies weeds?"
She gasps. "No! How dare you! They represent first love! It's perfect."
He sticks them in the bouquet. By the time her ten minutes are up, Garreth has a ginormous bunch of flowers almost as large as his chest. He can barely hold it with one hand.
"Thanks for your help, really."
"Just guarantee me a front-row seat at the wedding. Now, if you'll excuse me..." She drops back to the lawn with Scrope. "Eight-thousand-and-fifty-one, eight-thousand-and-fifty-two..."
Garreth's on the way to find you in the library when he bumps into his friend Missy. She's not wearing her Slytherin robes today, instead an eclectic blouse and skirt, and her hair is dark blue, curling down almost to her waist.
"Good grief, what is that?"
"The bouquet I made for Prim. Isn't it glorious?"
"No, it's terrible. Do you plan to bludgeon her in the head with it?"
Garreth groans. "What do you mean? What's wrong now?"
"Look at the composition! It's much too heavy." She takes it from his hand, shooing him away to inspect. "The silhouette is too imposing... the flora to foliage ratio is unbalanced... the dimensions are far too biased on this side..."
"Can you please talk in wizard's English?"
"Bouquet ugly. Me fix."
"Fine." He gestures. "Have at it."
She starts tossing the flowers she deems extraneous, ruthlessly paring down the bouquet with pursed lips and callous eyes. "I assume you asked Gibby for help?"
"Yeah, why?"
She stifles a snort. "She knows her language of flowers, but her arranging skills leave much to be desired. Frankly I'm insulted you didn't come to me first."
"Sorry I didn't know you were an expert flower arrangerer."
"I only took floristry lessons for eight years. I'm sure that means nothing."
He rolls his eyes. Merlin, what a rich girl past-time. Once she's satisfied skinning the bouquet, lightening it physically and visually, she starts trimming some of the stems.
"No!" he yelps, just as she makes to remove the primroses. "No, keep those."
"It symbolises new beginnings," she says, raising an eyebrow. "However, you seem to have it in abundance. You don't think it's too much?"
"Keep it all," he says again. "It's the only flower I got right the first time."
And he's quite attached to the little primroses now. Name aside, they remind him of you: small and unassuming, but very cute. Missy shrugs in a suit yourself sort of way, and adjusts the stem heights instead. She changes the placement of the flowers so there is greenery between, and makes the foliage fan out prettily over the sides. By the time she's done, she holds an appealing, moderately sized bouquet with a variety of pink, purple and white flowers perfectly balanced with green.
"This will suffice," she says at last, handing it back to him. "Good luck."
"Or you could say myrtle, am I right?"
"Mmm, no." She pats him twice on the shoulder before spinning him around. "On your way, lover boy."
The library is fairly abandoned by the time Garreth arrives with his sensible bouquet. He has to do some real sneak-thievery crab-walking to get inside without Madam Scribner noticing, but when she gets distracted by another student chucking an inkwell over the bannister, Garreth makes his way to the back aisles.
Like he expected, you're there, textbooks and quills abound, ink staining your hands and face. He checks his breath, just in case (it's good), before he walks around the shelf.
"Don't panic, Prim—"
You spot the bouquet immediately and scramble to your feet, slapping a hand over your nose. "No, no—"
"Prim! Merlin's saggy danglers—" He snatches your arm before you can run away. "What? What is it?"
Your eyes squeeze shut, and tears form at the seal. "No, let me go! Please!"
"I'm really sorry if I offended you with my last bouquet! I swear I didn't mean to call you a poor, jealous virgin—"
"No, Garreth— ACHOO!" You flinch through a whole-body sneeze. "I'm allergic to primroses!"
As you fling yourself away, aggressively sneezing, Garreth's hand goes limp.
"I've been calling you Prim for the whole year and you're allergic to primroses?"
Fin.
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Please like and reblog if you enjoyed <3
[read on AO3, read on Wattpad] [Divider credit]
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