#i'm a sucker for good angst

[fuck-off-im-ace]

I think we, as a fandom, don't talk enough about this moment. Cause what the fuck.

[somewhatidealname]

heyo! i hope you're doing fine.

i know your springtrap has no memory/recollection at all, nor does he know that he was/is a person- BUT - could there be a potential trigger to make him remember something? nothing big or revealing of his past and/or self! i imagined just minor things like maybe a song from his childhood, or the music that was playing at the opening day of fredbear's making him remember something- like the pattern of the carpet or his favorite childhood toy. It's like the remains of his soul call out to him (unintentionally?) - desperately wanting to clutch on on whatever familiarity is left to not rot with agony like the rest of him/his soul. He is a husk carrying remains after all! - Some physical, some deeply buried inside of him somewhere.

yeah he can catch faint glimpses of recognition! i brought up the thought of him suddenly recognizing other animatronics' machinery as something familiar in another post. i don't think he'd be able to recall something as far back as childhood memories, but with consistent memories in his old life (things he would routinely see most often, like faces or settings and whatnot) it can spark some kind of feeling within him. the animatronic programming could also remember things like songs or commands too, or maybe even other animatronic characters. that'd probably only apply to fredbear, i don't know for sure

[gr8butnotstr8]

Dare i say homelander's character always was kind of heartbreaking but after this episode I just- i don't think i have the words to properly describe my thought process but i'll try.

He's not just a whumpee turned whumper.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, right? Well that's it, until it's not just this.

Ever since he was born he's been nothing but feared, often even revered: not really like a god, at least not in a christian way, more like a lovecraftian abomination. He has never known humanity.

I repeat:

He has never known humanity.

When that scientist (Barbara) tells him his need for love and approval is too deep and too human for him to ever get rid of it he softly replies that oh well then it's good he's not human. And I mean, he isn't completely wrong is he? You cannot place the shackles of divinity upon a child and expect them not to succumb to the burden of your lowly, human, fearful gaze. How can we ever dare to demand him not to feel superior to anyone else when the first notion to be drilled in his head was that he's too powerful to be loved. Or at least to be only loved. Love tainted by fear is not what he's seeked all those years, even if he may not realize it. He craves approval, he craves genuine affection, to hold the gaze of another without seeing that glint of terror creeping out to meet his eyes, because it's always there. Even the most devoted hometeamer knows, deep inside their head, that Homelander's very nature demands they fear him. Sure they think it's just the respect they owe him for protecting them or whatever, but it really isn't. It's just the natural, human reaction to something that looks human but really is so far above human that you can't help but tremble. A weird kind of uncanny valley.

And so here he is. A god. In a horrific way yes, but still a god, and to try and mix - taint - his divinity with human wants? That's blasphemy. The mortals that tortured him when he was but a child, that shaped him into this wretched being yearning for satisfaction (such an alien concept, so beyond his reach) now must pay.

Humiliation of the flesh follows, because mere humans can't withstand what he was put throught, and as they die like flies he forgives them. Their sins have been forgiven. They have reached atonement not much in death but in the ways they died. In the tortures they put him throught.

Homelander is a "god born of man" and to free himself of the taint of humanity (and so mortality, which is his greatest fear) he needs to destroy his creators.

Anticlimatic, I know, but tragic nonetheless.

The paradigm has been flipped:

"God creates man, man destroys God" has now been reversed.

His yearning for love, his human neediness, has been shattered when he freed himself from his wretched notion of humanity.

Humans created him and made him of divine nature, then dared to call themselves his equals, then they brutalized his body to study its strenght and test its limits. How arrogant of them, to presume there'd be limits to such a thing.

In the end of this deeply nonsensical yapping i think homelander is truly cursed to never be happy, because he will always be in a cage and can only choose which one. He can accept his humanity (and the schackles that comes with it) and the inherent weakness of it, but that will never make him happy: he's too convinced he's a god, he believes in his own myth, his only religion (he is after all the only man in the sky).

Or, he can trascend humanity and become the fearful entity he was always destined to be, without human needs of love or approval he can be the ultimate arbiter of the planet. But that too comes with schackles, i'm afraid.

How could a divine being, basically a god, ever achieve satisfaction? Happiness? These are human matters. To give up humanity he has to give up on these goals too.

[pekoeboo]

"It's okay, Khalan. I'm right here. You're safe."

some Pain based on a few new developments within the SMP story. got a decently long explanation under the cut, for anyone interested.

so @cookieg122 and I decided that Khalan and Aya eventually find themselves in Aya's home dimension - a world ruled by a race of powerful fairies who are hell-bent on eternal conquest and proudly declare their violent Empire as the strongest in the world. Aya was their princess, having disappeared under mysterious circumstances (aka when she arrived in Drehmal), and her older brother had been searching for her ever since.

her sudden return ended up placing Khalan under suspicion though - as Aya's brother wrongly assumed that Khalan was responsible for "kidnapping" Aya and had him arrested as a result;; the corrupt king also got involved, hearing terrible rumors that were quickly circulating about Khalan and believing that he had hurt his daughter, so he made the swift decision to have Khalan publicly tortured and executed the next morning (multiple times over; since Khalan is immortal) as a way to make an example out of him to the Empire's subjects and remind them of what happens if they step out of line and threaten the royal family.

so of course Aya saves him!!!! she convinces her brother that Khalan is innocent so he also helps out with the rescue, and between the two of them they manage to stand up to their dad and save Khalan from a terrible situation ;n;;

there's like. so SO much more to this concept that I can't really explain, but that's roughly what's going on within the feelsy art here;; I kept thinking of just. the intense emotions happening within that moment, of Aya stepping up and taking on the role of comforter even though that's normally Khalan's thing. role reversal tropes always get me, and tbh Khalan just needs a moment to break down and process just how terrifying that whole situation was before he can help Aya deal with everything too;;

srry this got long, I wasn't sure how else to explain this pic without going into some detail. but I hope y'all can appreciate the feels anyway ;o;

Aya Armas belongs to @cookieg122 also on deviantart

[imtrashraccoon]

Who is your number one favorite UTAU skelly? Mine is Reaper~ ❤️

I like so many but I'd have to say Edge! I also really like Nightmare so it's hard to pick sometimes...

[satanicsanity]

It's nearly 12am here... I feel so bad go my parents right now 😅

I got done reading some angst & lore for this Welcome-home au, and in the middle of the night's silence, I just yelled... "SHE'S DEAD?!" while reading.

My mother is not happy with me at the moment hahaaa..

[that-angels-demon]

"Alpha Centauri is nice this time of year..."

Happy season three announcement! Here's a Crowley <3!

[biogarfield]

I'm still not entirely sure what it's about but before I knew anything about the gearmelt au I clicked on a fic about it with boombox and was promptly traumatized forever(hyperbole) as him and skateboard melted together in a horrific fashion

[feeder-of-rodents]

I got a fever and binged the entirety of Droners season 2 in two days

It was quite an adventure.

First the internet wasn't working, so I decided to watch the Monsuno DVDs i got from the library but our DVD player wasn't plugged into the tv. Then I got shocked by a broken wire because we have a rabbit in the house and I'm an idiot who didn't unplug the power before trying to sort out all the wires.

Turns out one of the cords I needed was broken anyways, so I resorted to calling dad and he helped me fix (read: turn it off and back on again) the internet. Since I already had the family computer open, I decided I might as well watch there.

Except the audio wasn't working. It later turned out there would have been a very easy fix, as the only problem was that the radio thingy that's linked to the family computer's speakers was turned off. I've dealt with this very situation dozens of times, but I had a fever and the computer was in a different place than it had been the last few years, so I didn't think of it.

Instead I decided to try headphones, but the audio quality was so bad it wasn't worth it just to avoid the battle with my laptop. When my dad got home, he called me into the room and asked why the computer was being weird and whenever he clicked on stuff it did something other than what it was supposed to do. It took me about 4 seconds to work out the problem, which was that I'd accidentally set the headphones down on the control key. I'm never going to let this one go!

Anyways, binge watching went well until the last freaking episode, where my laptop decided it had had enough. (In my laptop's defence, it has to deal with hundreds of browser tabs and is literally held together by tape.) The animation started getting choppy and everything slowed down until I was dealing with seconds-per-frame. Restarting my laptop (twice!) somehow made the problem worse.

Eventually I had to dig up Flickfetch and just download the episode. It was somehow still worth all the trouble

Well, now I can finally read the 2 (actually 4 by now) fics on Ao3 without having to fear spoilers!

[spiritualpuzzleshipper]

I open up Tumblr and this is what I see???

I have seen it before thanks to my angst loving friend @hikarichino but this still gives PAINS IN ALL THE PLACES!

the door to darkness

[storyweaverofgondor]

. . . I am really incapable of writing something without any angst, aren't i?

[dizaryswrites]

I drop Batman from my pull list and all of a sudden Gotham gets into a damn war. I'm confused, kinda tired of crossover events AND YET my fomo is raging

[kodaiki]

┊.˚🪩 ༘┊͙ 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 ; ↳ as a rising star in the tumultuous world of hollywood, you're handed a golden opportunity to boost your career – a fake relationship. what your manager forgot to mention? your leading man is none other than satoru gojo, hollywood's notorious fuckboy. easy? well, not exactly.

pairing: fem!reader x satoru gojo tags: smau/partially written; actor/actress!au, fuckboy!gojo, jjk is a live-action show in this au, fluff/angst/humor length: 1/?? note: AAAAAAAAA im a sucker for fake dating, actor au trope. enjoy besties! <3 taglist details: CURRENTLY CLOSED !!

to be added to the taglist, leave a reply on the MASTERLIST post of the smau (this post!)! the capacity is 50 users so pls be mindful of that!

[disclaimer: the way the reader is portrayed is just for the reason of style/posing! this is not what the reader looks like (she should look like however you’d like her to!) just wanted to clarify!!]

PROFILES ↳ y/n's besties ↳ gojo's group ↳ others

ONE – hold on, i'm dating who?

TWO – the deal

THREE – he will be a pain in the ass

FOUR – satoru, don’t be a whore

FIVE – act like you like her

SIX – meeting and matching hoodies

SEVEN – exclusive! satoru gojo’s party

EIGHT – interrupted movie night

NINE – angus disapproves

TEN – the interview

ELEVEN – it’s giving jealousy

TWELVE – breaking out

THIRTEEN – besties united

FOURTEEN – good night, loser

FIFTEEN – the audition

SIXTEEN – try again?

SEVENTEEN – sleepover

EIGHTEEN – sugar daddy

NINETEEN – we’re booked!

TWENTY – lego flowers

TWENTY & A HALF – friends?

TWENTY ONE – in denial

TWENTY TWO – invitations sent!

TWENTY THREE – i’m literally home

TWENTY FOUR – roommativersary party pt. 1

TWENTY FIVE – roommativersary party pt. 2 ─ BONUS – maki and shoko's texts after the party ─ BONUS – texts from shoko and suguru to gojo

TWENTY SIX – two months later…

TWENTY SEVEN – new character unlocked

TWENTY EIGHT – get her a grammy ─ BONUS – y/n's texts with suguru

TWENTY-NINE – sleepovers n skincare

THIRTY – let’s be honest…

THIRTY-ONE – coming to terms

THIRTY-TWO – satoru and y/n being sickeningly sweet

THIRTY-THREE – it’s like a reward

THIRTY-FOUR – worst news ever

THIRTY-FIVE – terrible plan

THIRTY-SIX – daily shenanigans

THIRTY-SEVEN – house sitting?

THIRTY-EIGHT – i have an idea

THIRTY-NINE – satoru’s feelings

FORTY – otp central + kento

FORTY-ONE – left on read

FORTY-TWO – a storm brewing

[mrs-weasley-reid]

JULY REC FICS

Hello, my sweets!! I wanted to try something out to provide my full and utter support to all the amazing writers I've come across in the form of monthly rec fics (starting this month). Join me in giving them love through comments and reblogs. It really is a joy to hear how you're doing as a writer. It makes up for all the angst we write lol

I will be going based on what I've read recently and not by the date the fic was posted. And the number of fics will depend on how much I've read the entire month. Also, please respect these writers. Some contents are 18+, so MINORS should not be interacting in any way, especially when the authors themselves specify it.

— ✿ — ✿ ✿ — ✿ ✿ ✿

Spencer Reid

✿ a question unasked by @easy-there-leftovers ↳ SOOOO ADORABLE. I'm a workaholic craze gal, so it speaks to me on a silly level.

✿ missing the happy hormone by @lavenderspence ↳ I'm a sucker for Spencer fluff this month, what can I say? This fic Tina made had my waterworks going on for about a minute because it's so sweet

✿ desk duty by @reiderwriter ↳ All you have to know is the amount of evil laugh I made while reading this

✿ the theory of love by @ophelia-is-complex ↳ Genuine intimacy is quite a challenge to write, but THIS ONE, this one had me in a sappy mood

✿ like nothing matters by @cerisereids ↳ gagged and had to pause the reading so many times because HELLO— had me spiraling at work

✿ the devils disguise by @qlossytbh ↳ I said I sobbed a little bit, but I actually cried so much I ended up taking a nap and felt better afterward. It's all fluff, though, don't get me wrong. I'm just very dramatic when the red devil's on the clock

✿ not so funny by @reidmania ↳ Angsty, that made me wanna start a fight with some random twiggy tall guy. Sooooo good!

✿ cloaked in passions touch by @raekensluver ↳ If you don't like Spencer's hands, you're fucking lying to yourself!!!!!

✿ language of devotion by @gghostwriter ↳ I'm in love with reid, and this fic just had me stumbling back onto his lap like a good gal

✿ this req response by @mandarinmoons ↳ Sorry, I'm not sure what the title is, but it's so adorable and got me to go to work, so kind of a lifesaver tbh

✿ hallucinate by @gghostwriter ↳ Oooo, this one was so cute, hehe. Honestly, I lean towards Spencer fluff lately just because I've been too overstimulated with work this past month, so READ THIS ONE ITS CUTE

✿ it's golden, like daylight by @dudeitiskarev ↳ I actually felt like I was reader the entire time I read this. It's well-written and so adorable and something that should be framed in a museum

✿ much ado about nothing series by @incognit0slut ↳ binged it all morning, and I was whipped !!! It's ongoing, so if I have to wait, so does everybody else

— ✦ — ✦ ✦ — ✦ ✦ ✦

Aaron Hotchner

✦ choiceless hope series by @hotchfiles ↳ This series had me rolling over my bed on a Saturday. A lot of feelings getting played (mostly mine)

✦ beanstalk by @solardrop ↳ I kid you not; I was giggling like a weirdo when I read it. And that itself deserves the recommendation.

✦ too busy being yours by @hotchfiles ↳ Lari knows how to get a sick gal to giggle. I love bau!rossi!reader. I love Rossi as reader's dad, so I enjoyed it more than I thought I would

✦ ignorance by infatuation by @boneblushed ↳ Oh, this one was a nice snack while on my break at work. LOVED IT SO MUCH

✦ hungover by @basketonthedoorstepofthefbi ↳ Mmmm, such a good read! Plus Jemily is there sooooo

✦ from across the bar by @hotchscoffeecup ↳ Evil laugh ensues. A nice cuppa of some good ole kinky stuff

✦ doomed by @hotchfiles ↳ guys, I stopped my car in the middle of driving home just to read it, so it's THAT good. Honestly, I strongly encourage everyone to read all of Lari's works! She's my writer crush, if none of you realized it by now

✦ a bunch of cuties in love by @lavenderspence ↳ hehehehehehe this definitely did not remind me of that one older guy I used to flirt with who had an adorable younger brother that I babysat🤭

✦ schrodinger's cat by @none-of-your-bullshit ↳ angst on a Saturday morning is like taking a shot of soju before 11 am, and this one felt like it <3

how about you also comment your top 3 fave fics for this month to spread more love to our great writers?

[vulpixelates]

thinking about... her 😍💖🥵 (ava du mortain wayhaven chronicles)

[rosenclaws]

Don't hide from me || Logan Howlett x Reader

summary: You get hurt on a mission and hide it from Logan. Safe to say he is not happy with you.

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, talk of violence, blood, and injury

wc: 3k

a/n: Hi guys, tw for pet death but we had to put my childhood dog to sleep today. He was 16 and he had a good life but it's rough. Writing has always helped me so I just sat down and wrote today. I'm always a sucker for this kind of trope and I also have trouble asking for help so this was born. Idk if I like the ending but I always struggle with those so oopsie

This was not how you imagined your first mission to go. You had assumed it would be easy, boring in fact. It was supposed to be boring. Maybe a little fighting here or there but nothing serious.

Well you were sorely mistaken. Your hand puts pressure on your side as you lean against a tree. The rough bark digging into the cuts on your suit. You wince as you look down to see a massive gash right in your stomach.

"Fuck." Your breath is labored as you slowly slide down the tree. You don't heal like some of the other mutants can. In fact your powers were relatively tame compared to others but you were still an asset to the team.

You had been training for months and months. Learning to control your sparks into blasts of energy and manipulate the electricity around you. You had never been more excited to receive your suit. Handed to you by Logan himself after your final training day.

The proud look on his face made your whole body fill with butterflies. Logan had been your biggest help. He was a very distracting teacher though due to the fact that he's your boyfriend too but if anything that made him push you harder.

"Come on sweetheart, you need to do better than that." He says with a smirk. He's barely broken a sweat while you've been giving it a hundred and ten percent.

"Fuck off." You huff as you lay down on the mat. Body exhausted from the hours of training.

"You're getting better. Just need to keep working." He steps over you, bending down and holding out his hand.

"One more time and we're done." He helps you up and kisses your forehead. Walking back to his spot he raises his arms and braces himself.

"Hit me." Taking a deep breath you channel all your power to your fingertips. Feeling the jolts of power start to form. With all your strength you fire right at Logan. To your surprise it hits him square in the chest and sends him flying into the wall.

"Logan!" You run over to him but he's already up by the time you make it. A big smile on his face as he wraps his arms around you. A burst of pride in your chest as he kisses you sweetly.

"I knew you could do it."

It made it even sweeter when you were finally deemed ready to join them. You were ready. You wanted to prove to all of them that you could do it but most of all you wanted to show Logan.

Show him that all his extra training helped and that you were strong and you could do this on your own. He had always shown a slight worry about you joining the team. He says it's because he's worried and protective but a small part of your brain tells you it's because he thinks you can't do it. That you're not ready.

So this. Well it almost felt embarrassing. The mission was nothing new to the rest of the team but to you it was overwhelming. Fighting with everything you had and sometimes it felt like it wasn’t enough. You took out soldier after soldier but they kept coming. But you were fine. You never asked for backup. Convincing yourself that you could do this. Thinking back to all your long days in the simulation and wiping away any doubt that lingered in your head.

Logan had left your side early on much to his reluctance so you were on your own. You were too focused on the guy in front of you that you didn't notice the man sneaking behind you. You cried out in pain as he dug his knife into your side.

Without thinking you blast him far away, taking out the guy in front of you too. Pure adrenaline courses through you as you run to safety. Now you're here, the sounds of fighting still rage on behind you. Blood is seeping onto your hand at a faster rate than normal.

"Okay. Okay. Okay okay." Sorry Professor but you'll fix your suit later. Your sleeve was already torn so you tear the rest as much of it as you can off. Turning it into one long strip of fabric. You unzip the top of your suit to get to the wound. They briefly taught you how to patch up injuries more akin to scratches not stab wounds. You tie the fabric tightly around your waist. You groan as the pressure shoots a sharp pain through your body. The sounds of fighting were dying down.

You know you should tell someone but the last thing you wanted was to be taken off the team after your first mission. You wanted to make them proud. You loved being on the team.

The injury isn't that bad, if you could just make it back to the mansion you would be fine. Patch it up with the right material and then sleep it off. Thank god you and Logan didn't share a room. Fuck. Logan. He was going to kill you but what he didn't know won't hurt him.

Just this once.

Zipping up your suit again you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Just make it back to the mansion. You walk as best you can back to the jet. Your limping, favoring your non injured side and it's incredibly obvious. Still you put a smile on your face. The team clocks your ripped sleeve immediately. Logan scowls as you get closer making you shiver. Or maybe that was from the blood loss.

"So how was that for your first mission?" Scott beams as he walks over to you. He slaps his hand onto your shoulder and you wince.

"Good. Is it always like this?" He notices something's off but doesn't say anything. Instead he keeps his hand on your shoulder as he guides you back to the jet.

"You alright Sparks? What happened to your suit." He asks when you get closer.

"Long story, some guy ripped it and when I ran to the forest it got caught and just. tore away." You lie right through your teeth.

"Don't worry we'll fix it when we get back." Ororo smiles and you thank god they bought it. Well almost everyone bought it.

As you head up the ramp you feel a hand on your side. Your whole body tenses as pain shoots through your side. You bite your lip hard to keep yourself from screaming. You recognize the hand as Logan's as his wide chest bumps against your back.

"You alright sweetheart?" He asks, a skeptical look on his face as you wave his hand off.

"Yeah, just really tired." You sigh as you sit in a chair.

Some relief spreads through your body as you subtly press the arm of the chair into your side. Putting more pressure as you feel the blood soak through your makeshift bandage. He narrows his eyes as he inspects you like an animal. Your heart picks up as he places both hands on either arm rest, caging you in as he leans close.

"What are you doing?" You shrink under his intense look. He sniffs and a low growl emits from his throat.

"I smell blood. Somethings wrong." Fuck. He's caught you. The rest of the team starts to file back in.

"Yeah there's blood on everyone's suit, there's blood on you." You mumble as an excuse.

"Down boy, we're taking off so take a seat." Scott says. Logan stays put for just a moment longer before he finally backs off, flipping Scott the middle claw as he takes the seat behind you.

You can feel his eyes burning in the back of your head the whole flight home. You were sweating, body on fire as you focused on your breathing. The pain was getting worse and you wanted to cry for help. But you were determined to prove yourself here.

Your brain wasn't exactly working right either. Too focused on not throwing up to think logically. Finally the jet lands. You're so close. Just a little longer. Logan moves to go right back to your side but gets pulled away. You can vaguely hear him telling someone to fuck off as you stumble out of the jet.

You feel like a zombie as you walk back to your room. Stomach growing sick as you struggle to stay awake. Sweat pours down your face, body screaming for help as you barely make it to your room. Your vision goes in and out. The darkness calling to you as you swing open your door. That sounds nice, you can just close your eyes and sleep. Yeah. Then you can fix yourself up. Your vision goes black. The last thing you remember is someone yelling your name.

-

The first thing you notice when you come back to consciousness is how much your body hurts. The second thing was the hand that was holding yours tightly. Clearly you weren't in your room anymore. This bed is too uncomfortable and it smells too much like antiseptic.

The lab. You were in a hospital bed in the lab which means that someone found you which can only mean that Logan knew and you were in so much trouble. Maybe if you keep your eyes closed you can just go back to sleep. The urge to avoid the consequences of your actions was strong but you knew you couldn't. You lied and now you have to deal with it.

Surprisingly it's dim when you open your eyes. The ugly florescent lighting was off in favor of a few candles and a soft lamp. The hand holding yours twitched, holding you tighter. Looking to your side you see Logan laying his head on the bed. Guilt seeps into your soul when you see him there.

"Glad to see you awake." A soft voice says from the door.

"Jean." You sheepishly say. She flicks on the lights and you squint your eyes at the bright light.

"You're lucky that Logan found you when he did." Her voice is gentle but there's anger hidden behind it.

"I'm sorry. I thought." You sigh and look at Logan who was still sleeping.

"I thought I could handle it. I just wanted to be one of you guys." "You already were one of us, but we're just glad you're okay." She checks your vitals once more in silence.

"Am I in trouble?" You ask nervously.

"Yes." Another voice makes your heart jump, the monitor picking it up with a massive spike.

"Logan honey I-" He holds up his hand and silently asks Jean to leave. She gives you one last smile before leaving the two of you alone.

"Don't. Don't you dare." You shrink into the bed as speaks.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I-"

"Hiding a fucking stab wound? For what? Exactly what did you think would happen here!" He raises his voice and you look down in shame.

"You are benched. Permanently." He growls, standing up and storming towards the door.

"What! Logan you can't do that."

"Fuck yes I can. Do you understand how stupid it was for you to hide an injury like that? How irresponsible you were!"

"I thought I could handle it!" The machines near you started to go haywire as you yelled back.

"I thought you were dead!" You go silent as the anger fades, he clenches his fists tightly.

"I smelled the blood and I knew something was wrong. The whole time I knew it. There was a trail of blood to your room and I ran and ran and when I finally got there." He pauses. Not even wanting to say the next thought.

"I'm sorry." You whisper.

You reach out for him but he just stares at you. A painful expression on his face as his eyes zero in on the prominent scar on your side. He shakes his head, turning away and walking out the door.

"Logan please." You beg for him to come back but he doesn't.

The lab is silent and lonely. Jean comes back to check on you, comforting you as you silently cry. All you want is for Logan to come back but he never did.

At least not while you were awake. In the mornings there were traces of Logan. His jacket is left on your bed the one you always steal to cuddle with. Snacks are waiting by your table. Little things to show you had still been there. Just not when you were awake.

It was only a couple days later that you were finally discharged. The Professor had called you to his office, letting you know that you were benched until you had fully recovered and you nodded in understanding. You can feel the stares of the rest of the mansion on you as you walk back to your room.

You've apologized over and over to the team and they welcomed you back with open arms. Begging you to never scare them like that again. Your mind wanders and your feet seem to think on their own as you find yourself in front of Logan's door.

All you want is for him to hold you and to tell you it's okay. Before you can knock on the door it swings open. There he stands in all his glory. He stares at you for a moment before pulling you into a hug. It takes you by surprise but you hug him back tighter. You wince as he pushes a little too hard on your side and he lets go instantly. You don't want to let go, he's been gone for days and you need him.

"I'm here to apologize." You say.

"I'm sorry for not saying anything. I was afraid that you would think I'm weak." It hurts to admit but he needs to know the truth. Asking for help has never been your strong suit.

"That I wasn't strong enough and all I wanted was to prove to you that I could do it. I wanted you to be proud of me." You wait for any response but all he does is look at you. Silently he guides you to his bed. Wrapping a blanket around your shoulders that smells like him.

"When I found you, you weren't moving. There was so much blood. You were barely breathing." He shivers at the memory.

He doesn't think he'll ever get the smell of your blood and the sight of you sprawled out on the ground out of his mind. It's burned there. Every time he closes his eyes he sees it. He ran through the mansion. Begging for help with you in his arms.

They kicked him out once he brought you to the lab. He was close to breaking down the damn doors. He had super strength and a raging healing factor but he'd never felt so powerless before. When they finally let him back in he rushed to the bed. He never left your side. Watching and waiting for you to wake up. Begging you to wake up.

Was this his fault? If he had been by your side would he have been able to help? Or is this just the price of this life. To be a mutant and having to fight just to live. Losing you was not an option but it was becoming a reality he had to accept was possible.

"I'm always proud of you. Doesn't matter what you do. I'm always proud." You tug on his tank top and pull him close.

Kissing him with a soft passion, a desire, an apology. He carefully lowers you down to the bed. He lays you on your side as he deepens the kiss, hand ghosting over the scar as he tangles his limbs with yours.

"I'm so sorry Logan." You bury your head in his chest.

It feels so good to be by his side again. He tilts your head up to look at him. He grows serious as he brushes your cheek gently. You're alive but there's still a horrible worry inside of him. Though he doesn't think that will ever go away. Not as long as he loves you and he's never going to stop doing that.

"Don't ever do something like this again. I'm serious sweetheart, I can't lose you."

"You won't." You can't promise him that. Not at all. Bad things happen to those he loves but he'll be damned if he lets anything happen to you. You yawn and cuddle closer to his side.

"How can I still be so tired after sleeping for so long?"

"You really hurt yourself sweetheart," He glances at your side. Knowing that under the blanket was a scar that would never fade. A constant reminder of his own failure to protect you.

"I'm sorry for leaving," He knows it was a dick move to leave has he had done but he couldn't take it. He was so angry. So afraid.

"Just don't leave me again." You say sleepily. His arms wrap around you, his hand rubbing your back soothingly until you fall asleep. He watches you for a while. Not tired himself but keeping his promise of staying with you.

"I was so scared," He admits to no one but himself.

He rests his chin on your head. The sound of your heartbeat echoes in his ears. The sweet reminder that you're okay. He closes his eyes as the nightmares in his mind return. Seeing your lifeless body. The blood. All of it. He tries to shake them away but the thoughts still linger.

"Please, don't leave me. I love you too much to let you go." He whispers his plea to himself, to you, to whoever is listening.

He kisses the top of your head and you smile in your sleep. The comfort of Logan reaching your dreams. That's good enough for him, as long as you're okay. That's all he needs.