#i'm a depressed bitch for life because of this shit
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darkfictionjude · 11 hours ago
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Okay so I know this is a touchy subject already especially since certain people have already been bitchy about it before, but sometimes Crowny is genuinely difficult to play as. I feel super conflicted about them since they're the literal personification of "damn bitch you live like this?"
Realistically, progress isn't linear and different people get different results even if they do the exact same thing, but as of now it feels like they aren't really allowed to improve at all. If you study you're still mediocre leaning towards bad in terms of understanding. You try to workout you see absolutely no results, not even the tiniest bit. When it comes to the other characters, it's always one step forward and two steps back. When you give them a hobby or try to get them to pick up a skill they find little enjoyment. When people bother them they barely fight back or even argue, and when they do it's like a sarcastic quip or a grumble at most. By the end, they haven't even made a dent. These don't make them less of a person and it doesn't make them a failure since the world is quite literally out to get them, but it's like they aren't allowed any satisfaction in their life. (Yeah it's been like a month, maybe barely scratching two in the current timeline so maybe this contradicts what I first said about progress but I'm dumb as hell)
It's wild to go from the side quests, backstory segments, interactions with the ROs and then Crown family just for all the hype to fade when there's a segment with just Crowny all alone. I know that there's a reason for why they are the way they are, but I literally have to take breaks from reading their solitary moments sometimes because it seems to drag on. I know things aren't easy in this universe, I know the world is supposed to be cruel and unfair, but like can they at least get a cake for their efforts? Or a hug? Or be able to sleep through one night and wake up well rested?
I hope I'm not sounding like an asshole or a insane here. Personally, they're relatable in a lot of aspects. I may not have had supernatural shit going after me, but I had a lot of issues that many of their experiences brush way too close to. It's just the way it's presented that makes them feel like they're like the random piece of chewy cartilage in an otherwise perfectly cooked steak, unpleasant but I'm gonna eat it anyway.
I literally just wrote a whole ass book complaining, but I at least wanna say I do love your work, Crowny included even if my words seem to say otherwise, and I'm super excited to see what happens in the timeskip since i know this is like JUST the beginning. I'm like seriously praying my tone is coming off the right way if that's even possible. If you read through all this thanks. I'm not gonna hide behind anon because I at least wanna be able to explain myself if this comes across wrong.
but like can they at least get a cake for their efforts? Or a hug? Or be able to sleep through one night and wake up well rested?
Well no 😭😭
And that comes from the fact that they are self loathing, depressed as hell and have virtually no support system while dealing with things that they aren’t mature enough to handle, actually their mental health is getting far worse which is by design
I feel like perhaps some readers have not realized just how depressed crowny is. All the things you described about them finding little enjoyment, etc., are key markers of major clinical depression
I feel also people did miss the fact that crowny kind of exploded in the library they didn’t shut up, they didn’t let it go which I think is a positive because this is the first time they’ve have enough to say “enough”
Sorry but I like my things slow burn 💀 that Halloween party is meant to be a breakthrough for them and I think perhaps it’s been glossed over by some because what happened to James has gotten the most attention and the final moment in the woods. Crowny outed their “friends” for the first ever and fought back against their tormentor in only one single night. James for all his issues did the one thing that broke the camel’s back and pushed Crowny over the edge, all 7 episodes have led to this
Crowny is meant to fall before they come up that’s how I wanted it because realistically someone could not handle all of this without losing their mind. It has barely been two months, Crowny has only seriously hit the main plot in episode 4 which in the current timeline was about 3 weeks ago (from episode 7)
Truly the progress that crowny did make in episode 7 should have taken longer, people with crowny’s issues spend years in therapy before they feel they have the right to fight back.
There’s a reason episode 7 is the midseason finale. It’s not only about the plot but about crowny themself….
Dw you’re tune is fine I can usually tell when someone doesn’t think before they write 😭
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onceandfuturemoron · 2 years ago
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after all this time I still can't accept Merlin's ending and move on. Seriously what the FREAKING FUCK was that? The main character's love (he was so much more than that but you get what I'm saying) dies and the main character lives a life of total agony and loneliness and depression waiting for him to come back with NO FUCKING SIGN to show us he did? Whose fucking idea was this shit?
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savage-rhi · 1 year ago
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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harlotofandraste · 3 months ago
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augh augh augh i never ever used to get headaches i think i should be able to sue my employer for bodily injury or sth i am so fucking done with this shit
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slushieplanet · 9 months ago
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Mom you sound like a fucking robot
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clover-the-awesomest · 2 years ago
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Oh...
OH.
Kay great thanks for hurting me-
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when big mama and donnie talked off-screen during the egg saga, this is what happened.
[ part two ] [ gemini au ]
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underestimated-heroine · 10 months ago
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The fact that radfems spread this post around is actually really interesting--infuriating, but interesting. Because what they've really done here is tell on themselves.
This is the shrimp guy story:
From an anonymous green text called "shrimp saved my life" [emphasis mine]:
>be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >shit they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew >We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.
He did address his relationship with women. By finding a hobby and passion and working on himself--"touching grass"--he stepped away from the echo chamber that filled him with all this rage and convinced him women were to blame for all of his problems. As someone once wisely observed, "the cure is going offline and realizing it's just. really not that big a deal."
And that is what radfems have not done, so of course they didn't spot the quiet flashpoint of shrimp guy's personal development within his story.
Edit: it's been brought to my attention that the version of the greentext post I lifted the text from was censored by someone else. My bad for not realizing that, tbh it was done so well I thought shrimp guy had done it himself, but that's an important part of the post. I've gone back through and un-censored it. The reply which was spread around with the original post addressed the words themselves well, I think; however distasteful and fucked up the incel rabbit hole is, it doesn't diminish his growth.
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dranosh-haran-of-paleoworld · 4 months ago
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Okay, this is my first time doing this, but I need to say this, to the people who claim Sasuke's a bad clan leader, or that Fugaku and Mikoto would've accepted his relationship with Sakura had the clan survived, you're all idiots and I am not sorry for saying that.
I don't watch or read Boruto as I don't consider anything past chapter 695 as canon, but I'm still going to get this out of the way first. Sasuke never wanted to marry that bitch Sakura, he never wanted a kid with her or whatever. This man is the victim of a state-sanctioned genocide, torture, and humiliation at hands of his own brother whom he loved dearly and admired, and it was all done on orders of the state after decades of systemic segregation, oppression, prejudice, and discrimination. Sasuke was forced to relive the massacre over a million times in the Tsukuyomi and went through this twice once when he was 7 and again when he was 12 or 13, with the latter experience putting him in a coma following Itachi breaking his wrist and ribs, and this nearly killed him had Tsunade not helped him (literally the ONLY good thing she did in the series). If anyone here in the real world experienced this, they'd either be dead or in some kind of mental hospital. The point is that they would be mentally destroyed, and they'd barely be able to function in society. Regular depression already fucks people up as is, and Sasuke went something no one should ever have to go through and it's a miracle he's still able to function as is.
Sasuke also repeatedly to Sakura to fuck off and leave him alone. That bitch repeatedly pestered and harassed him for years, emotionally wearing him down until he agreed to hump and dump her ass once. This bitch emotionally abused this poor guy, so it's no surprise he not only didn't want shit to do with her or her sithspawn of a daughter. This guy wasn't emotionally or mentally stable after what Itachi did to him at 7, and he hasn't been since. Hell, it's said in one of the databooks that Sasuke originally wanted a normal life with family and friends, but Itachi ruined it with his torture sessions. Those of you shitting on Sasuke for not being a good clan leader for not communicating with Sakura or Sarada or something, don't use your heads, those two dumbasses aren't even Uchiha.
Now, onto the other part of my argument, neither Fugaku nor Mikoto would've accepted Sakura being in a potential partner for Sasuke had the Uchiha survived, however, before I start this portion let me admit that this will be hard for me to properly articulate and so I apologize in advance so with that said let's get into this.
Putting aside how shitty and lackluster of an individual Sakura herself is, she also offers or brings nothing to the table.
As other people have so beautifully said before, the Uchiha are one of the oldest and strongest clans in the series. Their lineage goes back thousands of years, dating back to the time of Hagoromo, who himself was considered a myth by the public in the present. Because of this, there's a great deal of prestige, honor, pride, and recognition that comes with their bloodlines' age. Not only that, but the Uchiha are more distinct and well-known than any other clan in the series. The Uchiha are the ONLY clan to possess distinctly potent and voluminous chakra, and because of this, they're only ones who possess and wield one of the most powerful and coveted kekkei genkai in the series the sharingan. This stems from them being the ONLY clan to have inherited the potent chakra and dojutsu of the Shinju.
The Uchiha have their own clan specific culture, mores, values, beliefs, and traditions strictly unique to themselves, for example, the clans' crest can only be worn by the members of the clan who've demonstrated mastery over their signature fireball katon jutsu and as Fugaku says to Sasuke it represents the will of those with fans who manipulate fire, use or mastery over this jutsu also makes that Uchiha a fully fledged member of the clan.
The Uchiha were known and feared throughout the world for their strength, prowess, and renown as a battle clan, so much so that other villages had rules when facing off against them. Every time someone saw or confronted Sasuke, they always brought up his lineage with reverence and fear. Two Kumo shinobi saw him and Taka carrying Bee away, and while they considered rescuing Bee, they immediately changed their minds upon seeing the Uchiha crest on Sasuke's back and instead reported to Ae about what happened. A whole crowd of wealthy patrons showed up at the Chunin Exams to see the last Uchiha battle it out, and that's why Sasuke wasn't disqualified for showing up late to his battle with Gaara during the Exams. During the Warring States Period, the Uchiha were virtually unstoppable with only the Senju due to their jutsu variety and their chieftain the freak Hashirama Senju rivaling them.
Taking all of this into account, there's no reason for a distinguished clan/bloodline like the Uchiha to take an outsider like Sakura into their midst and spoil the bloodline. Bloodline purity is a thing in the real world and persists to this very day. It's actually considered to be a huge transgression for members of distinguished clans, families, and lines to bring outsiders in and spoil their bloodlines by marrying them to the point that they're cast out and probably disowned to the highest caliber for doing it.
I wanna briefly talk about Sakura herself and explain why neither Fugaku, Mikoto, or the rest of the clan wouldn't have accepted her into their midst.
As a shinobi, Sakura is a complete nobody. She has no feats, strengths, capabilities, skills, or whatever that her remotely capable.
Her chakra reserves ridiculously tiny, she can't even handle a trickle of biju chakra. Her skillset is a complete copy pasta of Tsunade's, her skills as a medical nin are surpassed by those of Tsunade, Hashirama, Kabuto and even Sasuke during the time he had Orochimaru's white snake abilities in his system and even after he lost that, as Sasuke's self-taught himself to funnel raiton through his body to avoid mortal injury which he's done during his battles against Deidara, Bee, and Danzo. Sakura hasn't improved on, reinvented, or created her own jutsus. Her super strength is just an extension of her byakugo. She's got no talent for genjutsu or handling vast amounts of chakra. Her speed and agility feats are nonexistent, and her intelligence feats are lackluster too.
Sakura also doesn't come from a distinguished clan or bloodline. Neither she nor her parents are civilians. Let me take this time to clarify that the hidden villages house NO civilians within their midst, the hidden villages are MILITARY powers, everyone within them are soldiers, it would be antithetical for these villages to house civilian populations within them as the civilians contribute nothing to the overall prosperity and function of the village as again these are military powers within the countries. Sakura and her parents are from a smaller or minor clan within the series.
Sakura also doesn't train or take her training seriously. Sasuke points this out to her in canon during the earliest chapters of the Chunin Exams arc, and Sakura still did jackshit about it, only finally taking her training seriously after Sasuke left Konoha for good and defected to Orochimaru. And since the Uchiha again are a battle clan and the most elite clan in canon, someone like Sakura ain't being allowed within a hundred feet of them.
As an individual, Sakura, as I said above, is very lackluster and shitty. This girl has petty self-esteem issues. She knows she's lacking in various departments and tries to compensate for this by latching onto others like a leech and using them for her self-worth, Ino was originally this before Sasuke unwittingly came along. She's very shallow and vain, too.
She knows absolutely nothing about Sasuke from minor things like whether or not he wore glasses, to serious things like him being an orphan, which is ridiculous since everyone else at the academy knew these details before they were made genins. She doesn't question or try to understand Sasuke or his motivations.
She's an asshole to pretty much anyone and everyone around her whenever Sasuke's not around in canon, including other women.
She broke off her years' worth of friendship with Ino over a boy who didn't know she existed and wanted nothing to do with her. She's also made numerous attempts to downgrade and put Ino down, despite the fact that Ino was the first person to treat her with kindness, helped her with her bullies, and was the first person to validate her. Ino was also the one to try and mend and patch up their relationship. Hell, Sakura wanted Sai to call Ino ugly and was pissed when he didn't.
During the War Arc, she disrespected Tsunade, her own mentor who turned her from a nobody to a decently capable medical shinobi.
She taped a picture of her in her thirties over a picture of Karin with Sasuke and spreads rumors to Sarada about other women, like Ino trying to take Sasuke away from her.
She frequently insults and assaults Naruto, and it isn't comedy relief as she does this even after he saves her or treats her nicely. She assaulted Sai for calling her ugly despite the poor guy being a slave and Sakura name calling Naruto on a regular basis. She also attacked Konohamaru before calling her an ugly bitch (which was based on his part lol). She was also pissy about his and Naruto's sexy jutsus only to act like a fan girl when he showed her hot naked dudes, like Sasuke. So she's a hypocrite.
And she doesn't care about her own parents, and actually disrespected them, Naruto's parents, and Sasuke's as well. She tried in canon to invalidate the importance and love Sasuke had for his parents and clan, and that's tremendously disrespectful. Hell, in Boruto, she repeatedly chased after Sasuke despite being pregnant with Sarada putting her at risk, discarded the umbilical cord, which is a serious taboo, wrecked her house when Sarada asked her a simple question or two about her father, Karin frequently sends Sarada gifts instead of Sakura.
The Uchiha as a whole care deeply about one another and all within their clan, and someone like Sakura, who's again vain, shallow, petty, selfish, disrespectful, and ignorant would NEVER be considered fit to join them.
Let's play a little game of What if? Because this is something I've thought about for a while.
Following Sasuke's successful usage and mastery of the Uchiha fireball katon in front of Fugaku who himself chooses to make Sasuke his heir, Hiruzen decided to not only personally meet with and apologize to Fugaku and the Uchiha for the false accusations and punishment over the 9-Tails attack, but he also grants the clan the rights and positions of power that they deserved from the beginning, even stepping down as hokage and letting Fugaku become hokage then and there, but Fugaku maintains his decision on Sasuke being the next clan head. If this scenario took place, there's no way in Hell Sakura's going to be anywhere near Sasuke. He would've been even more untouchable for her than he already was in canon. Sasuke was already very clan oriented and duty bound in canon. He was fervently loyal and devoted to his clan and cared deeply about what they and his family thought of him, outsiders be damned. Fugaku isn't allowing any of his children, especially his heir, to marry an outsider like Sakura. The Uchiha clan in its entirety wouldn't have accepted this either. There's no way they would've accepted their future chieftain marrying a non-Uchiha, and if they did accept it, they would've accepted someone of equal standing or prestige as them. Fugaku and Mikoto would've arranged a marriage for Sasuke, and he wouldn't have objected to that. After all, Sasuke was pulling out all the stops in canon to make his father happy, and he was already extremely close with Mikoto and was well liked and respected by the rest of the clan so marrying someone his parents picked out for him is something Sasuke's definitely doing.
Let's also not forget that Sasuke's extraordinary on all fronts, in terms of beauty, skill, strength, talent, and prodigiousness, all of this, and his chakra volume and potency are through the fucking roof even the standards of his own clan. Sasuke's Sharingan is the most powerful and potent within the series since or after Indra’s which is insane as only Indra inherited his fathers chakra.
Orochimaru and Obito both knew and explicitly stated that Sasuke's Sharingan and chakra were more powerful than Itachi's. In canon, Sasuke was supposed to be THE vessel for Orochimaru, the last one he'd EVER need. Obito's entire Infinite Tsukuyomi plan hinged on utilizing Sasuke at EMS and connecting him to the Gedo Statue, something Nagato, Konan, Zetsu, and no doubt Kisame knew all to well. Kabuto knew this, too, and he himself had his own plans for Sasuke. He blackmailed and helped Obito fight a war for Sasuke, and that war was fought to see who between them could get to Sasuke first. Everyone wanted Sasuke for one reason or another, either for his looks (Sasuke's the most good-looking character in the series), his talents and skills, and abilities everything. Madara, Tobirama, Orochimaru, Obito, Zetsu, Gai, Jiraiya, Cee, Darui, Bee, Mei, Hagoromo, Kurama, Karin, Jugo, Suigetsu, Kabuto, Kakashi, Hiruzen, Neji, Tenten, Deidara, Nagato, Konan, Kisame, and Fugaku (when Sasuke performed their clans rite of passage jutsu at the age of 6 only a week after being shown it once) all of them to varying degrees were aware and dumbstruck by Sasuke's gifts and many of them wanted him.
Sasuke's skills with the sharingan, chakra, and Ninjutsu are beyond profound. He's genetically capable of awakening the EMS and the most unique rinnegan in Shinobi history.
In this alternate timeline, Sasuke's going to be trained to hell and back by not only Fugaku and everyone who he deems fit to train him. As he grows and matures Sasuke's parents and clan, ARE going to take notice of all of these aspects and gifts of his, and they're going to be especially picky about who his bride would be, as the next head of the Uchiha clan especially one like Sasuke with his looks, skills, talents, wealth, and prestige can't and won't marry just anyone especially without the consent of his parents and clan.
In this scenario, Sasuke's future wife would either be another Uchiha (the most logical conclusion) or someone else from another distinguished clan or bloodline. I see people mentioning Ino and Karin on this topic since their love for Sasuke while still being in part because of his beauty is still way more genuine than Sakura's. Karin was saved a few times by Sasuke, and he ultimately was the one who allowed to take control over her own future. She knew and understood Sasuke the most, and her relationship with Sasuke is the most erotic in canon.
Ino's love for Sasuke was described as tender by her father, and it was never about herself but how he brought her joy.
Frankly I don't object to either of them being with Sasuke, although I would like someone to help me understand how Ino from a bloodline perspective would be a good match for Sasuke as Karin is an Uzumaki and her clan has been around as long as the Uchiha so I can see why Fugaku and Mikoto would've accepted her as a future daughter-in-law, but Ino I feel like I'm missing something else or I'm just over thinking it in regards to her. Ino and Karin are also better individuals than Sakura and capable shinobi, their skills, abilities, and lives having nothing to do with Sasuke and instead being completely independent of him. Neither of them were pushy and respected Sasuke's boundaries to a better degree than Sakura.
This was a long-winded post, I know, but essentially, Sakura ain't ever hooking up with Sasuke at all, Fugaku and Mikoto ain't letting her anywhere near him.
Before I close this off, I want to ask anyone who reads this. Who else do you think Fugaku and Mikoto would've accepted as Sasuke's bride in the little what if I put above? Let me say I'm not a shipper, and like others, I find the Naruto fandom's obsession with shipping to be incredibly stupid and annoying. I am staunchly in the Pro Uchiha, Sasuke, Madara, Indra, Fugaku, and Mikoto camp, the Uchiha its members and lore, as well as the real world myths and lore used by Kishimoto to create them all capture me. But admittedly, I do agree with some people who agree that Karin and Ino would've been better partners, and that really had me thinking about who else Fugaku and the rest of the clan would've saw as fit to marry Sasuke and join the clan, so yeah I'm curious to know your thoughts and opinions on this topic as well, however, I do not agree with the Sasuke x Hinata ship, I want to shoot that down quickly, that shit ain't happening.
But again, this is a very long first post of mine on Tumblr, so yeah, thanks for reading.
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mirrorball-leclerc · 5 months ago
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short n sweet
series masterlist
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liked by maxjonesverstappen1, isabellaperez, penelopetrevino and others
maejonesverstappen short n' sweet is officially yours now!!!
i feel extremely lucky that each time i write a new record i learn a little bit more about myself, and can create from that place. the making of short n' sweet was one of the most special, honest, up and down, stupid and fun experiences of my life.
i thought if something was funny enough to make me laugh then maybe it belonged in a song. happy or sad!
thank you to my brilliant talented friends, writers, producers, mixers, engineers, and creative minds that helped me bring this world and these songs to life. not a serious thought was thunk yet somehow they wefre..lol i love you and am so grateful.
i will keep this short n sweet buuuut more soon. go listen now and i hope you love it
tagged: jackantonoff, amyallen, julianbulian, johntheblind, julia michaels, sharp_stick, jeff.gunnell
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maxjonesverstappen yeah fuck me i guess..it's not like i sat with you for hours on the piano while jack was on the phone...
maejonesverstappen i love you 💙 maxjonesverstappen okay 😊😊 love you too 💙
user28 MAE WREN JONES!! YOU ARE INSANE!!
isabellaperez i need someone to inject this album into my veins
maejonesverstappen you're insane actually isabellaperez pot meet kettle
user67 this is insane. someone sedate me.
charles_leclerc so this is what you meant by 'no more depresso up in this bitch'?
maejonesverstappen exactly leclerc!! charles_leclerc to be fair, we do love a good sad song maejonesverstappen yes, mr. i helped write so long, london. we are well aware
user19 oh this album has versatility. i was expecting something like espresso to be the entire album noooo.
user27 the range singers have to go from a pop happy song to a sad depressing song will never fail to amaze me user03 for real!! i could never be a singer because i don't have that in me
rhysjones i don't think max will appreciate his wife posting the 5th picture...
alex_albon this is the man who admitted he would sleep with daniel if given the chance... i don't think he cares georgerussell he's too busy talking about retirement in press conferences to care maxverstappenjones1 i'm very secure in my marriage thank you very much maejonesverstappen i however live in fear he'll dump me for daniel and runaway with him
user75 bed chem is about max verstappen.
user47 you're so right bestie. the blue eyes line gave that shit away
schecoperez it's 6 in the morning. i should not have to deal with his screaming this early...
maejonesverstappen i'm very sorry but i warned you against staying with him. maxjonesverstappen1 i would take offense but it's very true schecoperez as the children say...this is my hell
danieljonesricciardo well that's one way to celebrate your anniversary...
maejonesricciardo don't be bitter because i did it before daphne could. danieljonesricciardo my wife released an album on my birthday!! maejonesricciardo tomato tomahto!
oscarpiastri something tells me these guys didn't listen to the full album
logansargeant i know way too much about their sex life baileywinters PINK FUZZY HANDCUFFS??? landonorris SHE'S INSANE!
user54 someone needs to study mae's brain under a microscope ❤ by penelopetrevino, lewishamilton, jensonbutton and others
mickschumacher god bless his mother's genetics indeed
maejonesverstappen this is why you're my favorite mick mickschuamcher 😊
victoriaverstappen it's certainly something... great album, ignoring the songs about my brother that is.
maejonesverstappen NO! VICTORIA LOOK AWAY! arthur_leclerc bit too late for that mae...
user43 i wonder how daphne's doing...is she clutching her pearls?
user30 is she flabbergasted? user90 PUH-LEASE mrs jones-ricciardo has no room to judge. she's written worse, possibly. user43 you're so right. how could i possibly forget about dress and the moaning user30 OH MY GOD?
kellypiquet amazing album 💫
maejonesverstappen thanks? btw max isn't in this post is that why you didn't like it? maxjonesverstappen1 mae, we've talked about this. pr is not happy when you pick fights with people. user13 oh the lore here goes so deep it's insane zoyatorres dear user13 you have no idea just how deep the lore goes here.
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lewis hamilton if i hear another song about max emilian jones-verstappen's dick it will be too soon.
charles leclerc and somehow I'M the one with the long name
natalia ruiz you have three middle names. you DO have a long name charlie
mark webber it's too early for lewis to be talking about dicks
max jones-verstappen you're just jealous because you've never had a song written about you lewis
isabella perez 🤓☝️ that's not true jones-bitchstappen george russell ???
isabella perez according to my research, aka a tiktok deepdive with osc at 2 am, one nicki minaj wrote "you ain't fuck nicki, you fucked nicole body" about one sir lewis hamilton
nico rosberg so that is why he ended his career as one hit wonder xnda
lewis hamilton literally fuck you nico nico rosberg you've tried pierre gasly WHAT THE FUCK? lewis hamilton STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'VE TRIED SLEEPING WITH YOU! THAT'S NOT TRUE!
alex albon HE DATED NICKI MINAJ??
lando norris WHO DATED NICKI? alex albon LEWIS!!
lewis hamilton we were friends!
daphne jones-ricciardo weeeellllll lewis hamilton daphne, don't you dare daphne jones-ricciardo i didn't do anything! lewis hamilton YOU WERE ABOUT TOO!
logan sargeant LEWIS DATED NICKI?
freya vettel this is some wild lore we're uncovering here
ollie bearman i thought he was dating shakira?
dulce perez shakira might just be old news, who the fuck knows with lewis
lewis hamilton am i not allowed to have friends now?
george russell unless you're willing to publicly announce your friendship with nico rosberg again, we'll just assume every woman you talk to is your girlfriend bailey winters at least set some realistic standards george, that's never going to happen.
nico rosberg for the record, we are friends
sebastian vettel eh, are you though? fernando alonso stay out of it homewrecker sebastian vettel mark webber ass kisser jenson button you two belong in a retirement home mark webber why am i always getting dragged into shit?
rowan todd wait, lewis dated nicki?
carlos sainz nicki who? pierre gasly nicki minaj she sings that one song about snakes mae jones-verstappen well it's an innuendo for dicks but yes pierre gasly yeah, you would know all about innuendos wouldn't you? mae jones-verstappen this is why rowan's never written a song about you
rhys jones LEWIS DATED NICKI? WHEN?
isabella perez oh back in like 2018 lewis hamilton STOP SAYING THAT! I DIDN'T DATE HER!
zoya torres awfully defensive for someone who didn't date her
jenson button oh he totally dated her
lewis hamilton YOU'RE NOT HELPING? jenson button i'm supposed to help??
daniel jones-ricciardo caught them kissing in abu dhabi
lewis hamilton STOP!
george russell he's actually screaming from his drivers room. i can hear him.
george russell update: bono just went in there an asked what was wrong and he replied with, 'they're driving me insane bono!' george russell and now kimi is asking what's wrong with him. what do i tell him?? ollie bearman nothing, let him live in delusion that all of you are super cool and not at all dumbasses max jones-verstappen who lied and told him we were cool? ollie bearman the internet
lewis hamilton i hate all of you
isabella perez can't wait to force you to do media with charles. especially those stupid song challenges just to play a nicki song lewis hamilton oh my god, what the hell did i sign up for? carlos sainz your own personal hell
esteban ocon what the fuck is happening?
mick schumacher lore dump or whatever they call it these days
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maxjonesverstappen1 and maejonesverstappen posted new stories
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mae said this was very cutesy, very demure, whatever that means. ps i think she did in fact kidnap one of daph's cats this guy is literally so out of it that he didn't notice that i sent him an old picture and am literally standing right in front of him. ps yes he is literally asleep. pps this not very demure of him.
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liked by maxjonesverstappen1, isabellaperez, penelopetrevino and others
maejonesverstappen taste video is out now 💋
tagged: jennaortega, davemeyers, campbellrohan
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rhysjones be honest, did max flip out when he found out you were kissing jenna?
maejonesverstappen it was more of a 'do you really have to?' with a pout jennaortega it was actually a tantrum rhysjones oh i love you. please stick around to humble max jennaortega of course!
isabellaperez petition to have me star in your next music video?? i'll kiss you too
maxjonesverstappen1 back off perez, that's MY wife jennaortega he told me the same thing maxverstappen1 who invited you? jennaortega your wife did actually
user98 this music video altered my brain chemistry. i'm not even kidding
user41 you're so right for that. someone please get them to star in a movie as lesbian lovers user1 she has more chemistry with jenna then she did with barry. as if she would ever dump max for barry ❤ by maxjonesverstappen1 user52 max being a barry hater is so funny to me but you go babe.
lilymhe can i be in your next video??
maejonesverstappen of course my love 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏼 alex_albon i thought you two would grow out of this maejonesverstappen1 wow alex being a homophobe in 2024, what would lewis think? alex_albon I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBE! i just don't want you stealing my girlfriend lilymhe and yet carmen and i never complain when we third wheel you and george alex_albon i-
user30 the chemistry was insane
user54 RIGHT? i need to see them act as love interests in a movie soon user97 max jones-verstappen would probably die user30 he just hates to see a girlboss (jenna) winning ❤ liked by jennaortega user54 it's because he knows jenna could steal his wife if she wanted too ❤ liked by jennaortega
maxjonesverstappen1 you look great and she's there
jennaortega jealousy is a disease, hope you never get well maxjonesverstappen1 i will not lose my wife to a pipsqueak user42 max is currently in the trenches. not only is this man struggling with a fuckass red bull but he's also on the verge of losing his wife
jensonbutton as the children say, i fear this ate
fernandoalo_oficial i don't think you're using that right lewishamilton he is, you're just annoying fernandoalo_oficial to quote jenson earlier, 'you belong in a retirement home' user27 man what the fuck goes on in their group chat? nicorosberg that's a question i keep asking myself every time i open it up. user50 NICO'S IN THE GROUP CHAT?
user34 they ate and left no crumbs y'all
user40 absolutely devoured the fucking plate user62 i blame mae jones-verstappen and daphne jones-ricciardo for my high expectations of music videos now
danieljonesricciardo okay, this one was insane. i love it
maejonesverstappen thank you kind sir danieljonesricciardo of course kind lady user56 if my relationship with my in-laws isn't like theirs i don't want it.
daphnejonesricciardo you're actually insane for this one
maejonesverstappen thanks i got it from my sister 🩷 daphnejonesricciardo i hate you 🩷
nataliaruiz actually run away with me, we'll raise jules as our own
charles_leclerc what the hell did i do to deserve this? zoyatorres i don't think she needs to tell you what you did freyavettel yeah we were all there oscarpiastri i agree with whatever they say charles_leclerc all of you are banned from our house nataliaruiz no, you aren't, don't listen to a word he says.
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maejonesverstappen serena and blair (F1 version)
tagged: nataliaruiz
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nataliaruiz i love you the way charlie loves max
maejonesverstappen which is a lot maxverstappenjones1 this is slander charles_leclerc oh so you don't love me? was that a lie? maxjonesverstappen1 oh my god, you're needier than my cats are charles_leclerc this is why you haven't won a race since spain... maxjonesverstappen1 THIS IS WHY I DON'T LOVE YOU!
user09 ferrari x red bull wags are my favorite
user42 personally i love nat and penny too but there's something special about THE lestappen wife and fiancée being besties user58 it's mae being besties with charles but natalia and max being enemies for me
nataliaruiz i might just fight someone with you over the cars
maejonesverstappen oh i am so in maxjonesverstappen1 mae, we've talked about this, you can't fight anyone charles_leclerc silvia said to take this down nataliaruiz silvia loves me, she did not say that
user57 serena and blair taking on f1 was not on my bingo card this year
rhysjones i've heard we're fighting salty spice??
redbullracing i'm sorry what? rhysjones for legal reasons this is a joke maxjonesverstappen1 i can't believe i have to deal with both of you rhysjones this is all because you chose to marry my sister
isabellaperez there are 206 bones in the human body...
oscarpiastri my sisters follow you on instagram... isabellaperez i regret nothing oscar
zoyatorres i thought we were blair and serena?
maejonesversttapen we're more like peyton and brooke zoyatorres you are so right, no man is worth it logansargeant ??? maxjonesverstappen1 YOU TOO?! zoyatorres she was mine first verstappen maxjonesverstappen1 *jones-verstappen please
user86 the matching bows!!!
user31 they're giving black swan and white swan user50 mae being the white swan has never made more sense to me
vancityreynolds i'll say this serena is much more annoying than the original
maejonesverstappen this is why hugh beat the shit out of you in your movie. vancityreynolds suck it vertically challenged!
user26 tall gf and short gf
maejonesverstappen i prefer the term snack sized maxjonesverstappen1 you're literally married to me. you're not natalia's girlfriend. maejonesverstappen never stop your husband from letting you find the love of your life victoriaverstappen oh she's so right maxjonesverstappen1 STAY OUT OF THIS VICTORIA? user26 damn men can't take a joke these days. so sensitive.. user31 it's because max is losing his wife to someone new everyday.
zoyatorres just so we're clear, i'm invited to this 'fighting of people?' there's someone at the top of my list.
maejonesverstappen of course, that's who we're getting first nataliaruiz absolutely kyle_kirwood room for one more? zoyatorres 100% percent! logansargeant please take this down. charles_leclerc please take this down. maxjonesverstappen1 i'm being told to ask for you to take this down. i actually couldn't care less but for legal purposes, please take this down. zoyatorres no ❤️ maejonesverstappen no ❤️ nataliaruiz no ❤️ kyle_kirwood i meant what i said, so no ❤️
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¡taglist!
@burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @applopie @lorarri @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @mypage-myfandoms @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @six-call @justtprachisblog @nichmeddar @unluckyyoshi @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @arieltwvdtohamflash @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @georgeparisole @dan3avocado @nikfigueiredo @bella-182 @namgification @jensonsonlybutton @weekendlusting @trouble-sistar @lesliiieeeee @leclercsluv @33-81 @theseus-jpg @sarah-thatstings-ann @minmira95 @casperlikej @formulaonebuff @hopenshaw @hwalllllllelujah @doodlehunz @prongsvault @anytimeanywherebitch-blog @hopenshaw
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¡leclerc-s speaks! this did not age well…but also because one person asked for this i’m posting it.
¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
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arisuworld · 1 year ago
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| CLEARING DOUBTS |
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I'll be clearing some doubts but If there's still anything you wanna ask, then send me an ask!!
"YOUR DESIRE SHOULD NEVER TAKE MORE THAN 3 DAYS"
MANIFESTATION IS INSTANT. Manifestation is not a process, it does not take time. The second you change your inner thoughts, everything changes around you. And it's there when you say it. You're NOT waiting for it, you're NOT affirming to get it, IT IS DONE THE MOMENT YOU SAY SO.
"YOU MUST VISUALISE IN FIRST PERSON"
No!! Do whatever you're comfortable with. It doesn't have to be in first person or very vivid.
"YOU MUST FEEL THE EMOTION OF YOUR DESIRE, IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE IT"
That's so wrong!! When it comes to manifesation, emotions do not matter. Only your thoughts do!
"SELF CONCEPT ISN'T IMPORTANT. THERE IS NO NEED TO WORK ON IT"
I'm sorry, what? When it comes to manifesation, SELF CONCEPT IS LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO WORK ON!! For fuck's sake work on it.
"NO/NOT WORD IN AFFIRMATIONS MAKES RESULTS NEGATIVE"
No!! I've manifested using those words and been successful at it!! Ugh Y'all come up with the most stupidest shit.
"CAN I MANIFEST...?"
Yes, YES YOU CAN. You can manifest literally anything, ANYTHING. You're limitless. There is nothing out of your reach. There is nothing you cannot do. You're the GOD and everything is possible for the god.
"BUT I CAN'T MANIFEST IT BECAUSE OF XYZ..."
No, stop right there. CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT MATTER. They literally change in seconds. They do not matter at all.
"YOU NEED TO IGNORE THE 3D"
Well it is true to some extent. Just know that, the point is not to ignore or deny the 3D, rather accept that it's merely a projection of your past thoughts, beliefs, and assumptions. It is not the end, it will change! Once you change your assumptions/thoughts, everything will change around you!!
"YOU CAN'T USE FUTURE TENSE AFFIRMATIONS"
Whatever you think or say is literally an affirmation. And please 🖐️ I have manifested countless times by using future tense Affirmations. So, just phrase your affirmations however you like!!
"YOU MUST AFFIRM THROUGHOUT THE DAY TO ACHIEVE RESULTS"
No!!! Just affirm for some time and fucking believe you have it. That's it. That's fucking it. I've manifested things easily just like this my whole life, so stop overcomplicating stuff for yourself.
"YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY/ HAVE HIGH VIBRATIONS TO MANIFEST SUCCESSFULLY"
Where do you guys even get this kind of info lmao?!? Like bitch, you can be depressed as fuck but still manifest your dream life. Because like I said before, EMOTIONS DON'T MATTER when it comes to manifesting!!
"MANIFESTING IS HARD!!!"
Omg please!!! It IS THE MOST EASIEST THING EVER!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASSUME AND BELIEVE AND THERE YOU FUCKING GO- YOU HAVE IT! WHAT'S SO HARD IN THIS? FUCKING PERSIST FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND I PROMISE YOU, IT WILL NOT GO IN VAIN!
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shadowqueenjude · 1 year ago
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The most disturbing things portrayed in ACOTAR
Victim-blaming: Lucien tries to help Feyre and gets physically abused by Tamlin as a result. Feyre then proceeds to call him a dog despite Lucien doing everything he could in a difficult situation. And we're supposed to...support Feyre on this? And Rhysand throws around words like "can never forgive" man stfu you prick.
Sexual Assault: The most disturbing thing is not that Rhysand sexually assaulted Feyre. It's that he's never held accountable for this and never even apologizes at ANY point in the series. There are so many examples but this is the one that is the most disturbing.
Double Standards: We have Tamlin locking Feyre up for her own good being vilified, yet Rhysand is championed for locking Lucien and Nesta up in houses for their own good. Huh? WTF.
War Crimes: What Feyre did to the Spring Court, manipulating the sentries with the whole Ianthe thing and basically getting them killed, then weakening the Spring Court rulership which resulted in all those villagers in the Spring Court getting killed, then laying the Summer Court bare to Hybern as well, are nothing short of war crimes. And...instead of feeling regret, we have the main characters saying "Hybern's actions are their own." Like bitch what? Hybern wouldn't have been able to do shit if it wasn't for you! Have some damn accountability! And the fact that Tamlin and Tarquin are vilified for this never ceases to irk me.
Grooming: Rhysand groomed Feyre. He made excuses for everything he did with trauma, then sent Feyre out to do tasks for him like she's some kind of weapon he can use. WITHOUT giving her proper information, there is no choice. And everything he does is constantly explained away, until eventually Feyre becomes his trophy wife. Rhysand basically assigns Cassian to do the same for Nesta. I'm holding out hope that Elain will be saved from the Night Court.
The pregnancy debacle: the whole thing with the baby having wings and Rhysand withholding information from Feyre is just...disturbing. Idc if you're not telling her FoR hEr OwN gOoD, it is HER life at stake and she deserves to know. They didn't even try to shapeshift her to try and save her life? Like why is everybody seemingly more concerned about the baby than the mother? Disgusting. And why is Nesta vilified for being the only one to tell Feyre? She said it to hurt her, blah blah blah. She also wanted to show Feyre that their situations are similar. That they're BOTH being shit on by the Night Court. And when she's close to a breaking point...Nesta is forced to hike a mountain? That is physical abuse. Also, Rhysand being extremely territorial putting a shield over her and barely letting Feyre go anywhere is beyond weird.
Suicide baiting: What Rhysand did to Tamlin in ACOFAS is nothing short of suicide baiting. And...only Lucien seems to really be that concerned about it? Like...are you telling me I'm supposed to be supporting Rhysand after he basically told a depressed male to kill himself?
Segregation: Separating the Hewn City from Velaris IS segregation, no matter what excuse you try to come up with. You can't claim they're all shitty people, since your bestie Mor comes from the CoN. So, there are good people stuck in the CoN unable to get out of their torment because Rhysand decided that only certain individuals are allowed in Velaris.
Performance Feminism: Establishing laws to help women and not doing shit to enforce them is performance feminism. If he's as powerful as he says, he can 100% stop wing-cutting and r*pe. But, he's a goddamn virtue signaler so he doesn't fucking care. The thing is, SJM could've handled these topics in a much better way and it would've been fine. But she completely fucked shit up here and it's crazy that some people don't see it. Part of me is still waiting for the final book where she says, psych rhysand was the villain the whole time. If so, I'll take everything back.
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whencartoonsruletheworld · 2 months ago
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Honestly it's INSANELY funny that a post is going around rn about the Life of Faith dolls cause I remember when they were being sold. My conservative Christian mom even said "Hmm. That might be a bit culty for us. Also the Elsie Dinsmore books are racist trash," bought me a pretty journal from the local Christian bookstore, and that was that. Me and my friend Annie did a deep-dive on them a few months back just in our own DMs so for those curious about how bad this gets, here's some fun facts:
The company was started by Christian Homeschoolers™ (not "homeschoolers who are christian." Christian Homeschoolers and all the stereotypes that entails) in the mid-90s but went bankrupt in 2010. They based them around the old Elsie Dinsmore books, starring a girl who was so pious she would rather die than not pray to God or smth like that. The dolls hands can be clasped in prayer and they all came with mini Bibles
The dolls were Elsie Dinsmore, the daughter of a fucking plantation owner; Millie Keith, her cousin whose doll was a clear ripoff of Kirsten Larson; Violet Travilla, Elsie's daughter; Laylie Colbert, a fucking slave doll (but it's ok because the white girls converted her to Christianity); and Kathleen McKenzie, a Great Depression bitch.
This is a screencap from the defunct official site. Note how only Laylie looks like she could be from pre-90s LMAO.
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Elsie Dinsmore books were originally published between 1867-1905. They are generally considered so bad that even hardcore Evangelicals consider them boring at best. The doll line EDITED the books to be less racist actually. Yes, the doll line that calls the slaves "Plantation-Dwellers" actually edited racist shit out of the books. I recall a bit where Elsie told a slave girl that she would be white in Heaven. They also cut out a bit where her Dad beats her with a riding crop.
Yes, she does marry her Dad's Friend. They did not cut this part out.
DINSMORE, YOU BRUTE
Millie's books were somehow both more and less racist. Millie and her family were abolitionists who helped runaway slaves but also one of her brothers marries a Mexican girl after the two of them were, and I quote, "captured by Indians and presumed dead."
IIRC, Elsie and Violet happen to be in Europe when the Civil War happens and they just kinda stay there to avoid the consequences of their actions. When they come back they are threatened by the KKK but I don't remember why. I DO remember that they spent Elsie's money on rebuilding plantations, because clearly THAT is where our priorities have to lie
The Violet and Laylie books are fanfiction. I don't think Kathleen's have anything to do with Elsie at all.
Oh, did I say books? Laylie only got one book, one nightgown, and some accessories for her collection. Kathleen, who was released a year later, got a shitton of stuff. Like, a mountain of stuff. I wonder what the difference between them is
I'm pretty sure Laylie's book does involve her escaping slavery but I never read it so idk. I do know that it plays heavily into Millie as her White Savior™ teaching her about God and how to read or whatever. I think Millie also teaches her about abolition which is fucking wild. Imagine a white girl explaining abolition to a slave
It's like they took everything American Girl did right when making Addy and said "we need to do the opposite of all of this"
Kathleen is both a ripoff of American Girl's Kit Kittredge and Girls of Many Lands's Kathleen (yep, same name and appearance).
The reason this line exists is the original Christian Homeschoolers considered American Girl to be pro-lesbian and pro-abortion. No American Girl didnt have any references to homosexuality or abortion at the time. Their first canon queer characters were in 2021 (Kira's gay aunts). As @jabberwockypie put it, everyone flipped out because AG partnered with Girls Inc "to fund after-school science programs and stuff" and god forbid, amirite?
And, yes, the red eye defect persists. It is SO funny
Here's an archived site about the collection, and another post about it by @dollysattictreasures. Anyway if anyone was given a Laylie doll as a child by your overly-religious parents, go give her a hug for me. And a gun
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wherenymphsroam · 6 months ago
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don’t say it’s unholy, if I let you come hold me (pt 1)
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⟡ -- leon finds you drowning your grief in the back of a bar just outside of town. but don't worry, he won't blow your cover.
w/c: 2.1k
warnings: themes of coping with grief and depression, implied underage drinking and unhealthy coping mechanisms, vendetta leon, leon is just a wee bit morally grey here just due to the point in his life this is staged during, no sex but explicit language, leon is readers dad's coworker/friend, angst - eventual sex
a/n: okay, I've been sitting on this baby for a hot minute just because of how self indulgent it is iaqhdsiuwsjih. I wanted to make this longer before I released it, but I think I'm going to just continue this in parts (and even then, don't hold me to that lol judgwiuhd !!). again, please heed warnings, and if you are uncomfortable with any themes presented, please just don't read!
playlist: unholy (hey violet), disconnect (she wants revenge), discipline (nine inch nails), paralyzer (finger eleven)
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You shouldn’t be here.
By all legal and ethical means, morality aside, you should be at the library, studying for a final you know damn well you won’t be passing. Or better yet, at home. Maybe poured over a mug of tea, that blend your mom has made you since you were a kid. Some shitty romcom playing in the background, ignored as you doze off surrounded by papers, scattered around the dining table like any other honorable, dutiful college student. Not some… dingy, shithole bar outside the parameters of your hometown.
(One you know your dad doesn’t frequent with colleagues. One you know is just outside the radius of people that would see you here, know you enough to know you shouldn’t be here.)
Maybe you would be back home right now, studying until you felt like your brain was going to melt out of your ears, if not for what happened. The “would’ve” “could’ve” and “should’ve”s are stacked high in your brain, like a mountain of now unattainable possibilities laid bare, slain by the events of recent nights. Something so chilling, so bone shattering and brain dissolving you just can’t manage to wrap your head around it. 
‘Shock’, right? 
That was the operative term for the numbness that has recently buzzed dully in your limbs, the heaviness of your own weight whenever you roll out of bed every day. The term itself is thrown around so flippantly, so easily outside the walls of a hospital, a clinic. General medical common knowledge be damned, everyone knows what shock is.
'Shock' is being betrayed by your child who marries someone of the same gender, rendering you and your paper thin beliefs meaningless. Generations passed down worth of indoctrination gone moot by one, unholy union. It’s coming home and finding your husband in bed with another woman, that blonde bitch at his front desk. The one he told you not to worry about? Yeah, that one. 
It’s the unspeakable, the unimaginable striking. It’s blinding, horrid in how it leaves you.. Empty. You’re compelled to apologize for its effects on your nervous system.
Sorry guys, I promise I’m sad. I know I don’t look it, I’m taking it out on all this- shit lying around. I’ve been meaning to throw this out for ages you know. Guess I finally have a reason now, huh? No, I don’t know how much sleep I’ve gotten the past week, it’s probably fine. I’m fine, don’t worry about me. That’ll make me feel worse. Now, if you would, let me go finish my manic episode in peace, will you-?
Could you blame this too as to why you finally dug out that fake ID your friends coerced you into agreeing to?
This wasn’t like you, not one bit. I mean, really, sitting in the back of some gnarly bar, surrounded with the sorts of people Daddy always warned you about? The sorts of people that only came out after dark, that hung around till dawn when they would then go back to dwell in whatever crevice of the city they called home until dusk? Maybe this was moms genes catching up with you – the predisposed ones you always knew would come to bite you in the ass. Maybe you should go check your eyes, don’t people's pupils dilate when they’re manic? “Crazy eyes'' those people on Tiktok would call them, right? 
“Unwidin’, huh?”
His voice calls through the air between you like he might’ve well been standing yards away. It takes you a moment longer than maybe appropriate to track his distance, his place at your side at the bartop. Glancing over, you first get a look at his hand, gesturing to the drink in front of you, the cigarette dangling between your fingers. The one that was currently beginning to slip in your weakened grip, speaking of. 
They’re long, nimble. Broad hands, worn at the tips, smooth along the meat of his palms. Even under the hazy atmosphere surrounding you, you can make out the glint of the watch up his sleeve – probably expensive, if the quality of the leather of his jacket sleeve has anything to say about it. Look at you. Even buzzed like this, you were spotting the finer details. A daddy’s girl with daddy’s tolerance.
Despite yourself, you nod numbly, head heavy on the bracket of your neck. A sign directly arguing with the idea of your tolerance – or rather, lack thereof – but it can't be as noticeable as your brain is attempting to trick you into believing, right?
Leon settles into the stool next to you, and you don’t so much as cast him a proper glance. Maybe that’s why he finds himself sitting down. You looked out of place, like a damn kicked puppy with your head drowning in a few shots worth in the back of this bar. It was a wonder no one else had approached you up till this point, especially given the time of night. It was hard not to feel like your guardian angel. 
“We both know this ain’t the healthiest way to do it.” He says as he flags the bartender down.
Touche, mystery man. 
Well, alright. Technically you knew the guy. You vaguely recognized him as one of Dad’s colleagues through the haze of your buzz. It was too sweet to interrupt, you find yourself completely unfazed in the face of the inevitable consequences that would come from your fathers colleague finding you here.
If anything, you couldn’t complain.
His voice was nice. Beyond “nice” actually. If you were any more wasted, you’d take him for a certain type of actor. More specifically, the ones you listen to late at night. The ones that speak to you behind pseudonyms and expensive microphones, nestled into crevices of the internet any mentally stable person wouldn’t dream of wandering into.  
You know better than to entertain that thought for more than a few seconds, even despite the dregs of nicotine floating through your blood coaxing you towards such a mental image. 
Finally, you brave a glance over your shoulder at him. He’s pretty. Real pretty. How are you only just noticing how sharp his eyes are? They look darker under this bar's lighting, that typically professional, almost playful glint in his gaze nowhere to be found. It had been a few years since you’d last seen him… maybe it was age finally starting to jade him.
Not that you knew the specifics. He was easily older than you by a decade and some change. And clearly all too happy to bypass all niceties in this situation. Damn. Did you look that bad? He was pretty enough to be an angel, but that didn’t mean he had to act like one. Maybe he felt bad for you. Maybe he had a better head sitting on his shoulders than a better half of the people in here. 
A huff of soft breath leaves through your nose, tendrils of smoke swirling out of your system with the action. Shaking your head, you dip it, taking another long drag from your quickly burning cigarette, an excuse to try and string together some sort of response that won’t make an ass out of you. Or actually, anything that didn’t scream “you’re hot and I don’t know how to conduct myself around good natured, attractive men” would do just fine. Those damn eyes of his… it was a mistake, letting your gazes lock. His eyes alone were enough to make your stomach flip. 
“Well,” you mutter, not daring to look back at him. “This is better than my plan b for the night.” 
You don’t so much as flinch when the bartender comes over, taking an order he murmurs in a tone you want spoken against the shell of your ear from behind. Your periphery catches the actions of the bartender pouring his order into a short glass, bronze in color.
Whiskey. Of course.
Reaching for the middle of the table, you stub your cigarette in a conveniently placed ashtray. Sure, you were a little fucked up in a way you’ve never been before tonight, but you had manners. 
Meanwhile, Leon is doing what he does best. Observing. He tries his best not to make it obvious how he watches your hand wobbles when you lift it. He watched the subtle change in your expression when he called to you, how your head bobbed when he sat down. Anyone else would be paying attention to how quickly you recoiled with the action, as if self conscious of your dragged reaction time. However, he had spotted the tension in your slouched shoulders. A reaction rooted in self preservation, a fear of judgment. It was enough to tell him just how many shots you probably had in your system. 
He was no stranger to girls like you, ‘situations’ such as the one he was currently sitting next to.
It was a familiar, cliche dance – the unspoken, drowning struggles of a near stranger on display, insecurities risen to the surface like hemorrhaged blood under thinned skin. It was written all over you. You were scrappy, worn paper, and he was the storm settling overhead. Baring your weariness and struggle and strife to his blind eye, painting you transparent. He could see right through you. You were running from something. Likely attempting to drown, bury it somewhere deep if not for just a night or so. 
“‘Plan B’?” he questions, tone calm, even almost lighthearted. It betrays his sharp gaze, perceptive and on guard as ever. As if he were approaching an injured doe in the wild. Not that he’s done much hunting lately. He’s found that meat off the streets bleeds more freely than the skin of doe’s and rabbits does in present times. 
A wry smile tugs at your lips, almost as if you figured he’d press the topic. It was already too much to ask that he didn’t mention your connection to his coworker, how Leon knew you were definitely not supposed to be somewhere like this, and he had managed to uphold that silent prayer.
Maybe your otherwise handicapped condition was blurring whatever lines that stood between you right now, the lines that constructed what he should be doing, finding you here without a legitimate ID.  He should be outing you to the bartender, dragging you out of this place by the scruff of your neck with your dad dialed into his phone.
He shouldn’t be… entertaining you, right? Could you go so far as to call his complacent presence.. Encouragement?
Taking a seat beside you, joining you in your mission to drown your ache, your pain. Keeping you calm under his gaze, as if a sedative rolled off him in gentle waves. His throat bobs around his sip of whiskey, and you can’t help how your gaze lingers on the action. 
“Plan B consisted of finding someone to fuck me into next week,” you mutter dryly, as if the admission of your half hearted ‘plans’ for tonight left a sour taste in even your mouth. It wasn’t who you were. This wasn’t what you did. For fucks sake, you weren’t even supposed to have gotten this far, knee deep in an actively self destructive decision. But life sure did have one hell of a way of knocking you one hundred eighty degrees in the other direction, didn’t it?
No. That’s an excuse. A shitty one, at that. It's an excuse you've heard your dad mutter under his breath when he slouches into the couch with a beer in hand.
This is a poor choice, and you knew this was a poor choice. And yet, that didn’t stop you from walking your happy ass into this bar, nose up and full of talked up confidence you poured into yourself in the parking lot. No amount of tugging and pulling and pleading your guilty conscience did on your brain would stop you, not this time. You knew that getting into an Uber to haul you outside the lines of town would seal your fate to the whims of this bar. How classy. 
If Leon was a worse man, he’d take your words at face value. (Or maybe he’s just damned with all that thorough training he’s been rung through. It’s practically impossible not to read people nowadays. Even alcohol has ceased to debilitate him of this begrudgingly equipped set of skills that was all but pummeled into him.) 
His gaze wavers. Flickers, almost with a wash of amusement for a moment. You were trying oh so hard, taking that clipped, short tone with him, all but puffing your chest with this aura of  mental toughness you likely wanted to think you had. It was cute, really. But oh, the lacing of desperation in your tone... The sweet vulnerability in your breath… every hairline fracture your already cracking front is bleeding. 
He doesn’t have to be a bloodhound to want to dig for more. He just can’t help himself. 
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thank you for reading! I have emergency commissions open, so if you enjoyed this piece, please consider taking a look at my menu or rb’ing :^)
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sabahs-stuff · 9 months ago
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Manifest appearance change. (Weight loss/gain)
(Success story)
❏First and foremost, Yeah, I know you shouldn't let go of your manifestation. Like detaching from your manifestation bla bla..
However, I have noticed that actively affirming appearance change is difficult for me because I love looking at my reflection in the mirror all the time. And I've to constantly remind myself to affirm. Every time I affirm, one of my inner voices started stating the opposite.
I weighed 47kg (I'm 5'3; I know it's the ideal weight, but I wanted to gain a little more). It was difficult for me to eat more. I believe it was about April 14 or 15. I decided to quit trying to eat more. I started to joke that I was gaining weight without eating,"are u kidding me? I'm eating nothing and also skipping dinner these days, so how tf am I gaining weight?" Some of my friends even laughed at me.🙂
Then, out of nowhere, my sister began complaining that I had gained weight, then few days ago I went to the doctor for a checkup, and they also measured my weight, it's 51KG now. Mind you, I skipped a lot of meals and wasn't eating at all. It was during the Mercury retrograde. I was quite depressed and saddened also someone so close to me died. But it took me like 10 days to gain 4kg. If that's not shocking idk what is.
So, this is what I did (•_•)
Reminder : "If you could make yourself believe that you have the exact appearance you desire, it would change"
Every time I ate, I told myself, "I should be dieting." And look at what I'M doing. I should start working out before it's too late. And that is all. Then I didn't even affirm anything during the day, ( I believe that if you make your brain believe that you're prettiest little creature on the planet and your existence is a service to the humanity then that's how it would be. And my toxic trait is that I believe my presence is a blessing to the humanity.😂
every time I looked in the mirror, I said, "Wtf? I'm gaining weight . "Shit, I need to diet." And trust me when I tell you at that exact moment your brain is going send you a thought "Stop lying; you're still skinny bitch"
But don't forget that you get to select what happens in your reality. If your mind wants to offer you lemons, make lemonade.😂
I said, "Yes, that's correct. If I want to lose my weight I need to affirm I'm still skinny" and I kept on saying "I need to lose weight or I'll gain more weight" just tricked my brain into thinking that I'm chubby and attempting to manifest becoming skinny. And I didn't focused on the end goal; I wasn't obsessed with it; I didn't give a damn about it, but whenever I noticed a little change, I freaked out as if something terrible had happened. And believe me when I say I freaked out it was Oscar worthy😂
I Remember, the first thing I noticed was that my arm was looking a bit chubby. I was screaming and even fake crying, 😭 "Damn this is embarrassing, I need to work out, I'm gaining weight." I then searched and downloaded weight loss workouts online.
Trust me I was living the moment 😂. literally living in the end. It was easy at the time because my brain was literally blank. I had no feelings or emotions, so I fed my brain whatever I wanted, and it ate every thought I gave it. I'm happy with my weight now.
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I'm now 51kg this is just a photo I saved from Pinterest but this is my Desired type-
Here are some tips:
Your appearance is constantly changing with your affirmations and beliefs. So don't doubt whether this is going to work or not. 
Your manifestation will take time, depending on you and your beliefs.
And about mental health, I would post about it later, but it's important.
The more you visualize, the faster it will become a reality.Visualise everything; literally, everything you want, VISUALIZE 🙌 stay in your head
The amount of things I changed and manifested in my life is crazy; it's different for each person. But it took me a year to fully understand manifestation. So give yourself time. Spend time with yourself; the better you know yourself, the better you'll get in manifestation. Best advice: talk to yourself (in your head, of course, or others would think you're crazy, lol 😹.)  gossip with yourself; if you want to be tall tell yourself that you're tall and stick to it refuse to let go. ✊🏻
Hope you like it. It's my first ever post but clearly not the last 😉 feel free to ask any questions. 🩷
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ivoryratdoggerythethird · 5 months ago
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can the heavens be an actual character in tgcf because holy shit it's gotta be in love with xie lian too 😭😭 i'm talking e-ming style
like "darling of the heavens" is RIGHT what the fuck did he even ascend for the third time??
spoilers ahead! but i love how for everyone else it's like suitably dramatic and fitting and like, obviously no one was really ready to ascend but it felt like a good time like the music swelled and the lighting dimmed and then boom here's your eternal reward noble hero
like yushi huang? striking and tragic but strangely beautiful end, a selfless sacrifice that touches hearts and had her gently lifted by the heavens to honor her unmatched bravery and grace. pei ming? a decorated general, living the fast life, wars won single-handedly and with the loyal aid of the shining blade he went on to shatter with his own hands.
even shi qingxuan, despite everything - the playful and graceful, haughtily noble action of a beautiful young lord, acknowledged but the heavens.
xie lian? the first one was pretty dramatic i'll admit, but in hindsight that was just xie lian being xie lian and his "body in abyss, heart in paradise"
like in reality my boy was just on his live laugh love journey his teacher sent him on EXPLICITLY tho avoid this exact scenario and xl went and casually ended up at the exact bridge where that exact ghost was and thought it'd be a simple normal-ghost job. it was not. his epic words doomed the rest of the narrative, what a fucking mess, mnq must have been tearing his hair out and crying blood
like even hua cheng went up with a bang and dropped back down like a girlboss but my man xie lian's second one was him in the throes of depression and trauma, and the third one was.
what was it even? how did he even do it, he was literally just collecting trash, my guy is such a babey and good boy the heavens just keep pulling him back up like "awww shucks, forget the war crimes, look at that little face!!!!"
like no wonder junwu never got over him this bitch kept popping up into his face every other tuesday by doing nothing
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anundyingfidelity · 10 months ago
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I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part VIII)
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Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.
Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.
Word count: 5.1k.
Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.
Warnings on this chapter: irresponsable parent, one suicide thought, nudity, implied bisexual reader, misoginist thoughts, Homelander (!!!!), SMUT, hate/rough sex, unprotected sex, fingering, multiple orgasms, hair pulling, dirty talking, some degrading, slight choking, bitchy reader.
Notes: i might wrote more than intended here lmao but the smut is here finally you sinners, give this reader a trophy for the strongest bitch ever to resist soldier boy, well deserved!! hope you like it lol, and thanks for reading as always!!
this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch @girlsforpjm @artemys-ackles
☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !
get yourself in the taglist!
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII
GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!
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Part VIII: Tamed
2009
"Baby, how was your audition today?" your mother asked once you entered the kitchen.
Your suit was long gone along with the great smile you put on before leaving early that day. But she was different. She was all honey and candy, putting on the happiest face ever. And you knew it wasn't because of you.
"I'm not doing that shit," you spit harshly. This was your way of delivering the news now.
Her eyes widened as she closed the distance between both. You looked down to your feet, not wanting to see her disgusting face. You felt her hands on your shoulders and your body tensed under her touch.
"Why?! This is your dream, honey! You have to do it!"
You quickly pulled away from her.
"No! Mom, you did this to me!" your voice came out loud and shouting. "I just wanted to be normal! But you always influenced me to do this and go after Vought, I don't fucking want that! Those supes are fucking assholes and everything around them is a damn lie!"
She was startled, you could tell that from the way her eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she placed her hand on top of her heart, pretending to be hurted. It was the first time you talked back to her like that.
Since you were a child, you did everything she asked you to. You never complained, never stood up for yourself. You didn't have a choice, nor an opinion that mattered. Your mother picked everything for you. Your clothes, your behavior, your food, your studies, your dreams... Today, you decided it was over. She was over controlling your life.
Your mother scoffed, a sly smile on her lips as she tried to touch your arm softly. Giving a step back, you shook your head saying 'no'. She sighed.
"Honey, this isn't you. And Vought, this is your dream. The Seven are your dream. Now, why don't you go back and-"
"I said no."
You cut off her stupid words with a straight voice. Her smile dropped in a second and you saw her eyes darkening.
"Y/N, this is not what your father wanted for you. We didn't raise you like this," she hissed through her teeth. 
"Don't talk about dad. You don't care about him, you never did. Fuck, you don't care about me!" you raised your voice, fighting the tears in your eyes and the knot on your throat.
You were so sick of being weak. She raised you to be like it. Soft, fragile, compassionate, cute, playing the dumb rich girl with no brain and forcing you to not show your intelligence to others... It was all a façade. It was easier for her to manipulate you if you pretended to be stupid. Since her pregnancy, all you were for her was a cashback. Your father already had an heir, and what could be better if that heir was also part of The Seven, the most powerful supes of the planet. Of course, Vought shares would be higher than ever and your mother would be even more disgustingly rich. And you would be giving everything away for free. It wasn't fair for your selfish mother to suck your life away like this. But in the end, she didn't care.
"I'm not staying here. I'm leaving," you continued, crossing your arms on your chest. "I want my part of dad's inheritance, and I'm gonna be a fucking doctor and show off my brain after decades of hiding it, I've had enough of you stopping me."
"No, no, baby, you can't do this to me–"
"If you don't, I'll sue you and expose you, Vought and Homelander on a fucking trial."
She scoffed. You could see the tears forming on her eyes, but you weren't sure if they were because of you leaving or because you were threatening her money.
"You won't do that. They'll kill you."
"I don't care, I already tried to kill myself. They'd be doing me a favor."
At your confession, her jaw clenched and she tightened her fists.
"Fucking brat. Someday, when you regret running away from me, don't come back. You're just a disappointment for me, ever since you were a stupid child. Everything you are is useless and worthless, and I regret ever putting you in my womb."
Your brows furrowed when she spilled those harsh words, and you fought the urge of hitting her until she passed out.
"Don't think I ever told you, but yeah, you weren't a natural conceive. Yeah, we used his sperm and everything. The point is- I didn't want fucking kids, but your dad, ugh god, he did. And I gave you to him. All I get to say is, I was better without you. Probably if I should've waited just a little, my child wouldn't be a fucking ungrateful piece of shit standing right here," she gave you a grin. A sick one, as her fingers ran through your hair like she used to when you were a little girl.
You wanted to knock her off and run. But you just stood there, biting the inside of your cheek and tasting your own blood as she finally revealed herself to you, her daughter. It was clear you meant nothing to her. And you just wished your dad would be alive. He wouldn't force you into that stupid audition anyway.
"I pity you," she mocked. "But if that's what you wanna do, then leave. And don't you dare to come back."
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A loud knock on his door woke him up from a deep slumber. Ben rubbed his eyes, groaning at the stupid sound of your voice calling him from the other side over and over. This was becoming a fucking routine he was starting to hate.
"Fucking shit," he mumbled, removing the blankets off his bare body when the door finally opened and you walked inside, stopping by his side of the bed.
"C'mon, Soldier Boy, get your ass up. You didn't wash the dishes last night."
Ben rolled on the bed and looked at the clock in the nightstand. He grunted. "It's fucking 6 A.M."
"Yes, and I have shit to do before I leave grocery shopping," you said, looking around his room. There were clothes everywhere you knew needed a good wash, an open bag with weed on top of the desk, joints and cigarettes, and a bunch of toilet paper littered on the floor you didn't want to know about. "One of them is watching you to make sure you clean the cave you live in."
Ben groaned, cursing under his breath, but stood up from the mattress with a wide grin. He noticed you always did your best to keep your eyes upon his face. Even if it wasn't the first time you had to see him like this, he enjoyed the way your body and face reacted to his naked form. So he got used to sleeping with no clothes on, knowing you'd always come to get him for breakfast. He could get used to it. Except for the part where he had to clean shit. That's why you were there. It was your fucking task to clean everything. Women's duties. But he had to endure the fucking times.
He got to complain to you every single day, every morning, and it was becoming already part of his routine too. But you somehow forced him to clean shit up and then he had to wait for his food, for his weed, lube and more clothes and shit you brought every time you were out. At some point, he thought he could be used to you feeding him up, but he still had a mission and it didn't matter how many times he had been sneaking into every room in your place, checking inside your office, how many times he had been searching through your bedroom on the drawers and smelling your lingerie, he still found nothing. He was pretty sure there was something else he wasn't really seeing yet. And Homelander on the TV along with those fuckers Victoria and Dakota Bob wasn't making his personal mission any easier, nor having no clue of where this kid Ryan was.
"Put some pants on," you said, interrupting his daydream.
"Whatever," Ben rolled his eyes and walked past you, taking a pair of pants from the carpeted floor.
"God, you're so fucking stoned," you mumbled watching as he dressed himself. "Get this mess cleaned after the dishes, I don't want to greet this shithole every morning."
"And what's in it for me, doll?" he asked, passing by your side and getting inside the bathroom.
He never bothered to shut the door closed while taking a piss, and this was, also, something you got used to seeing and hearing. When he finished, he came back with a smirk, stopping his tracks right in front of you.
"Nothing. There's nothing for you, stop acting like a dog begging for a bone."
"Yeah, well I'd like your pretty bones better.”
He gave you a wink and walked out the bedroom. God, he was so damn annoying. You followed him quickly and climbed down the stairs just to make sure he would start washing the dirty dishes from the last dinner you had.
“Make sure to scrub them correctly,” you said as you looked at how he turned on the sink.
Ben grunted in frustration, looking at you from the corner of his eye. It was always the fucking same with you, giving him directions he already knew the whole time.
“Fuck, woman, you’re so fucking annoying. I’m no damn pussy, I can do this without your ass here.”
The way he answered made you grin, getting closer to him until your arm was pressed against his own. “Yeah, I know you’re not stupid. I’m just making sure I’m taming you well.”
Ben’s eyes widened a little, clearly surprised by your boldness but not too much. Because the one who should be taming who, was him towards you. His macho self wouldn’t let a woman treat him like that. It didn’t matter he was hitting on you since the moment he met you in the facility, like doctor and patient. Ben was pretty sure that, besides his own personal payback, you would fall for him eventually. And once you do, because he was pretty sure it’d happen sooner or later, he would give you the best fuck ever. He turned his gaze to you as you looked at him with innocent eyes.
“I’d shut my mouth if I were you, sweetheart,” Ben warned in a low voice, taking in your figure standing so close to him that your warmth could be felt all along his body. “I don’t wanna screw you yet.”
“I take that as a challenge.”
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The sun was almost setting down as you drove back home. It took you more than expected to complete the second shopping trip of the week and you were getting tired and spent. Sleep was becoming a privilege at this point. The past nights you had confined yourself to the lab down the bunker, and just now, you felt the cure was ready. Almost ready. The most important component was missing and you were still considering things you might regret later.
The low sound of the radio accompanied your thoughts as you traveled on the road, and the ways you’d like to tell Soldier Boy about all the mess you were getting into under Grace’s supervision, who had just called two fucking times in days. But part of you was afraid Ben wouldn’t understand the importance of a cure. He was a supe, and without his powers, he was fucking nothing. Just like Homelander. Even if he had made it clear that he hated his own son, you doubted to trust him and you felt the same hateful feeling towards you coming from him. At this point, you knew you were just putting up a stupid act.
And you started wondering if it should’ve been easier if you just let him between your legs and take what he wanted. He was a simple man; he saw a fuckable female, he wanted her. Surely you also knew when a man, woman, or anyone was attractive, but you just didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to feel like he won this battle. It was too fucking much, and you stopped sleeping around with strangers a couple of years back. The problem was, Ben wasn’t a stranger anymore, not to you.
Suddenly, a figure landed a few feet away from you on the highway. You hit the brake of your car as fast as your reflexes allowed you to, seeing red, blue and white. Once your car stopped completely, you met with the last person you’d ever wanted to see. Homelander smiled widely as you locked eyes with him through the windshield. He surrounded the car until he came by your side, standing outside your door. You turned on the flashing lights of the car and turned the engine off, it wasn't like you could escape anyway.
“Nice to see you around, doc,” he greeted.
“Why are you following me?”
“I told you before; I have eyes on you.”
You rolled your eyes, grabbing tightly the wheel between your hands. “I don't know what you want me to do.”
“Don’t be stupid. That cure won’t see the light, I’m making sure of that,” Homelander leaned on your open window and your head moved away slightly as he studied the insides of your car.  “You’re welcome by the way.”
“For what? For trying to kill me? For taking my father’s money for your stupid circus? For touching me?” you hissed.
He chuckled, straightening himself again. “For taking you out, silly.”
A long sigh escaped your lips. “So this is your plan in the end.”
“It always has been. I know every move you make, the stores you go each week, I even know where you’re living right now and how you work your ass off that stupid experiment of yours,” his words made you visibly tense and he noticed, like every little reaction coming from you. “How’s the old man doing by the way?” he asked, as if it was just another chat between friends.
“You make me sick.”
“Oh, no. I want you healthy,” Homelander placed a hand on your wrist. “Please eat well and rest enough. Don’t burn yourself out, honey, it's useless.”
You started shaking your head, confusion fogging your mind at the way he talked like he had something prepared for you. “You’re fucked, Homelander,” you whispered.
You were trying to convince yourself more than him, scared of what he would do to you, forcing you into this twisted mouse and cat game. He just smiled widely at your words, laughing under his breath.
“Once I have you under my mercy,” you continued, holding his gaze. “You’re gonna be fucking nothing. I promise you that.”
His hand wrapped around your neck and for a moment you thought he would kill you right there. “I can’t wait to see you try and fail miserably, I’ll enjoy that show. Might become my favorite.”
Homelander let go of his grip roughly, allowing you to breathe again.
“Fuck you,” you spat back.
He chuckled, straightening himself and walking away from your car, giving you a last glance. “Not yet, doctor. Not yet.”
Once back in the spot where he landed, he flew away and you were left alone on the road. No cars, nor people walking could be seen, but it was better that way. Forcing your hands to stop shaking, you turned the engine on again and started to drive back home. Taking your phone out, you made a call, waiting for the other line to answer. You had to act fast and track that motherfucker down, not caring if you were already regretting what you’d do next.
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“So, what’s your story?”
His question surprised you more than you could tell. After dinner nights like this were becoming a really weird habit of him talking shit about this stupid century, how things were better back then and how people got dumber with time. But you never thought Soldier Boy would insist on your past, not since the first night you ate together at the same table. You finished your glass of whisky, not sure if answering his question or not.
You shrugged. “I’m not that interesting.”
Ben drank his own liquor down before asking again. “Let me rephrase that: why do you hate Vought so much?”
“Who says I hate them?”
He studied your face for a moment. The look in your eyes told nothing, but your heart rate and your breathing was always enough for him to know you were fucking lying about it. Ben had started to think of many other things you were hiding from him. But even with all that stupid mask covering you, he wanted to have you. Countless times he tried, he wasn’t going anywhere now. Nobody could resist him, you were just another game to play and he was kind of enjoying it.
“All of you. You scream inside that you want to fuck them up,” he answered. “Believe me, I want nothing more than that.”
“Didn’t you have your own payback some months ago?”
“Yes, but you already know that from my file. I’m asking about you now.”
His intense green eyes and the grit on his words caused you to think exactly what to say. You couldn’t hide it anymore, not everything at least.
“My mom. Vought experimented on her when she was pregnant, that’s why I have powers,” you said, dry and straight to the point.
“How?”
You breathed out, closing your eyes for a moment, not believing he would force you to remember the memories you had been fighting to erase.
“She was paid a huge amount of money. And she hoped her daughter would join Vought someday; she was so wrong about that,” you gave a bittersweet chuckle. “On my eighth birthday, I finally discovered my powers. There was this huge party and a lot of my parent’s rich friends and their kids, whom I didn’t know because I had no friends, were there. And then, I just remember I got overwhelmed by all these people and the attention. I always hated that. And then, my mother couldn’t find me when it was cake time. I was in my room but she couldn’t see me there. Turned out I was invisible… It was the first and the only time I could make my clothes and my shoes disappear with me.”
Ben listened attentively, much to your surprise, as he spoke once again, locking his eyes with yours. “So your powers come from your inner wish of disappearing from your mother’s sight.”
You hummed and nodded your head. “I think that’s a great way of putting it, but yes.”
“Well, I'll take it back. They fucked your life too, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, and they’re still after you anyway.”
He scoffed. “Those fucking cocksuckers. Also, where the fuck is Grace anyway? All the CIA bullshit?” he asked, quickly changing the topic abruptly, his eyes narrowing as he demanded an answer.
“No news from her apparently, nor any agents.”
“Bullshit, your last call with her was a couple of days ago and you said nothing.”
“Why are you so invested in her? You like her?” you mocked, noticing how his resemblance switched from calm to visibly annoyed. There was no fucking way you’d tell him where she was right now.
“Y’know what I’d like? A fucking reasonable answer from you, that’d be perfect,” he snarled, and you knew he was back being stubborn and childish asking the same fucking shit all the time.
“I don’t know, but when I do I’ll tell you,” you responded after remaining silent under his angry stare.
“You’ve been saying the same shit over and over—”
“Okay, so tell me what you want. You want Homelander. Good, and then what?”
He held your stare, you noticed he was trying to keep himself down. “The kid.”
“Ryan?”
“Yes, the fucking brat.”
His hard eyes were not lying and you argued back on it.
“You can’t do that, there has to be another way.”
“Fucking tell me where it is. ‘Cause I see nothing!” he shouted, his voice booming all over the room. “That fucking pussy and his fucking team, they all had him right there. And in a second, Butcher just backed up! I could’ve done it already and we wouldn’t be here, playing dollhouse.”
Spilling the truth was no option right now. He was stupidly pissed right now. But you knew it was cruel to hunt a kid down just because his father had put him into the spotlight thanks to his powers. Ben, on the other hand, was blinded by his hatred towards Homelander, and you knew he was a man of his word. He was more than able to kill Homelander and the boy for a deal, one that was broken because of a weak moment coming from Butcher. Even for your morally gray head, killing Ryan was not an option. At least not now. You hated Homelander, but you probably understood Butcher more than you’d like to admit. Soon, you would think about a plan; where to put the kid after injecting the anti V.
“Let me give you a lead when I can,” you said.
“Tell me why should I trust you.”
“It’s your choice, honestly. Probably you shouldn’t, but I may give you something sooner or later.”
Without waiting for his response, you took the empty dishes to the sink, and Ben followed you with his eyes, taking in the softness of your exposed skin through the short summer dress. He liked the way the fabric hugged your curves and how it fell over your legs, inviting him to have a taste. Ben noticed you putting on shorts and dresses more often the last few days, and he was thankful for the hot weather to be able to see you like this. The past nights, he had jerked off with you in mind, wondering when he’d be the man to put you in place. Perhaps he just needed to try again.
He got on his feet as you talked, but none of the things coming out of your mouth were important as he put his weight behind your body, his hands roaming over your arms before you got to start washing the dirty plates.
“Do you not get tired of trying?” you breathed out.
You felt his rough hands caressing your arms, before moving down your waist, pressing your ass against the bulge growing on his pants. He smiled to himself once he heard the loud gasp coming from your mouth.
“Just tell me you haven’t thought about it,” he whispered, placing his lips down your neck, nipping softly at your sensitive skin, as he massaged your flesh, going to the curve of your ass.
“And when you get this, what?” you asked, turning around to meet his dark eyes. He was practically devouring you with his stare. You’d be lying if you didn’t find him hot, looking at you like that, as if you were the last and only meal that could end his greedy hunger.
He smiled, and whispered cockily against your lips. “You can always ask me for a second round.”
Fuck it.
You captured his lips in an impatient kiss, nibbling at his bottom lip with urgency as you tasted the whisky from his mouth, your breaths mixing and panting as he lifted you up without further effort. Ben walked towards the countertop in the middle of your kitchen, placing you on the surface as he spread your legs. You welcomed him closer, feeling his hands traveling freely under the thin fabric of your dress, feeling the softness of your legs, your inner thighs, until he rubbed over your panties. You let out a moan against his mouth when his fingers found your folds and you held tightly against the corner of the countertop.
“You’re dripping, sweetheart,” he growled, breaking the kiss.
“It’s been a while, ohfuck!”
A shiver ran down your spine as he stretched your pussy with one thick finger, his lips trailed down your neck to your collarbone, sucking and nipping on your skin. Your walls fluttered as he pumped in and out, and your hips set a move on its own. He hissed against your skin as he worked you open and ready for his hard cock, growing excitedly in his pants. A second finger slipped in and you clenched.
Ben smirked and you felt the burning feeling of his beard as he kissed your shoulder. You wondered how he’d feel between your legs, bruising your inner thighs with his big hands and the burning of his facial hair. The frantic fucking from his fingers pushed you to the edge, moaning and panting for air as his thumb played with your clit. You gripped on his forearms, looking for something to hold on tight as you reached that sweet high.
“Fuck, you did so well,” he praised, pulling his fingers out of your pussy, leaving you empty. He brought his wet fingers to your lips and you complied, opening your mouth. You licked his fingers, locking your eyes with his. “Wonder what twirls your pretty mouth has for me,” Ben pushed his fingers further, making you gag for a bit. “I’ve been thinking of hundreds of ways of finally holding your tongue with my cock.”
His other hand wrapped your neck, as he forced you to suck his fingers harder, hitting your gag reflex over and over. He discovered he loved hearing your breathy sounds and the dirty look in your eyes while you sucked his digits. When he pulled out his fingers from your mouth, you took in a deep breath, but the grip on your neck grew tighter as he pressed his forehead against yours.
“You’ll have to go down on me first if you want my mouth,” you whispered against his lips.
Ben could hear your heart racing, and he was sure you got all dizzy and bothered just by his hand. “Oh, is that so?” he rasped.
You rolled your eyes, growing impatient. “Why don’t you shut up and fuck me hard?”
And there it was. They’d always beg for him in the end. He smiled down at you, loosening the grip around your throat. “With pleasure.”
His hands wasted no time in getting rid of your dress, discarding your panties and your bra ripping them in half. You moaned when his palms groped on your tits, playing with your nipples and squeezing them harshly. God, you were getting wet again just by the feeling of his mouth biting on your soft buds. Quickly, you reached for his pants, touching his hard cock over the fabric. Ben growled, feeling the softness of your palm stroking him gently. Good choice not wearing anything underneath. Your other hand tugged at his shirt until it was discarded over the floor, his pants following after.
He got you off the countertop so your feet were on the ground, and turned you swiftly, laying you down on your chest on the cold surface. He massaged the sides of your hips, running down his palms over your ass with a hiss.
“Now this is quite a view.”
You moaned as his fingers played with your entrance. “Fuck, Ben, just do it already.”
“Shit, doll, I love when you beg.”
He stroked his cock with your juices before aligning with your pussy, slowly sliding in your wet heat. He stretched you out inch by inch, and you became a whimpering mess. After a moment of staying still balls deep in your wet core, he snapped his hips against your ass, setting a brutal pace. Loud moans and screams escaped your throat. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. You knew your fingers stopped being enough each time you needed sweet release, and probably you would regret him fucking you later, but right now you didn’t care. His fingers inside your cunt, the way he would handle your body like a feather just for his disposition and to get off with, and now his cock filling you up was becoming too much. But you loved it.
Soldier Boy felt too good inside you, fucking your brains over and over. His hands bruising your hips, groping the flesh of your ass and breasts, as he pounded into you, everything was like heaven and you were sure you’d be spent once it was over. His dark, lusty eyes memorized every inch of your body and the way your pussy engulfed his dick with each thrust. The kitchen was filled with your whimpers and his animalistic growls, mixed with the sound of his skin hitting against your own. He hit on that sweet spot repeatedly, making your walls clench around his cock.
“Jesus, you’re coming pretty quickly today,” Ben teased under his breath, his fingers tangling in your hair pulling your back against his muscular chest. “Wait for me, doll,” he whispered in your ear, satisfied on how fucked out and desperate you were underneath.
“Do it fast, you asshole! Fuck!”
Your pussy fluttered and clenched on his cock as he hit your spot again. With a loud moan, you finally reached the climax you longed for so long, and took his deep, rough thrusts as he fucked you through bliss. His name escaped your throat countless times, coming down from your high. Ben growled, your orgasm and the spasms of your cunt triggered his own, and he finally released himself inside your tight pussy.
And how good it felt to finally have you there, begging and crying for his cock. It was so much better than his own imagination, and he took in great pleasure on fucking the brat out of you. He continued bucking his hips until his white seed started leaking down your thighs, and finally stopped. The only sound in the room being your tired breaths.
“Oh, shit,” you gasped, feeling his grip on your scalp softening.
He sucked on your neck one last time with a cocky grin on his lips. “I told you I’d be a great fuck, sweetheart.”
“I wish you could shut up for once,” you answered back, looking at him from your side, and feeling his cock softening inside you. “I might have my methods.”
He bucked his hips one more time. A whimper escaped past your lips as he pulled you back against his chest in a swift motion, his fingers traced your neckline. “So do I, doll.”
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