#i'll write letters for everyone so they don't feel anxious when i don't make it back home

[angi-of-avalon]

[sturnsdarling]

'I get them too, sometimes'

y/n has an anxiety attack, and bff!matt calms her down the only way he can think of in the moment

vibe check: detailed anxiety attack, comforting!matt, anxious!reader, fluffy ending cute vibes all round

1.5k words

A/N: WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN anyways this is based on the iconic stydia scene where stiles has a panic attack and lydia kisses him. I was gonna do it where Matt had the anxiety attack but it felt icky so I swapped it round. as an anxious girlie this was weirdly comforting to write and PART TWO IS HERE

love and cigs, merc

The boys' house was vibrating with the thump of music from every corner. People were pouring in through the front door, all mingling in the living room as Chris' party playlist blared through the speakers. Almost everyone in the influencer space was there, and you felt like the odd one out.

The boys' had begged you to come, pulling the 'it wont be the same without you' card as they all glared at you with puppy eyes. They knew parties weren't really your thing but, it was a celebration for them hitting seven million on their youtube channel and, you knew you couldn't miss it. So after some begging and bribing with 'literally anything you want from that weird old book shop in downtown' you agreed to go.

You felt like you were wearing a sign that said, in big bold letters; 'I don't belong here' as you lent against the kitchen counter, nursing some liquid courage. Chris was on the sofa, his laughter booming over the music as he sat with Nate and some boys you didn't recognise. Nick was at the drink station, making cocktails with the girls, pretending to be a bartender as he tired, and failed, at bar flares, making everyone around him curl over with laughter, as usual. Matt was on the other side of the kitchen, talking to some people about whatever show he was obsessed with at the moment and peering over at you occasionally to make sure you were okay.

More and more people started to pile into the house, more people than you even thought they knew, and at the sight of tens of faces you didn't know, a tight feeling started to form in your chest. You knew you were okay, because you had the boys, but they were off mingling and doing their rounds and you didn't exactly want to follow them around like a lost puppy.

You put your drink down, walking over to the sink to fill a red cup with water, your hand shaking slightly as you brought the cup to your mouth. You took a gulp and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in and reminding yourself that you were fine, and you were in the boys' house. You knew that they wouldn't invite anyone that they didn't trust in their home and just kept reminding yourself of that.

An already drunk and giggly girl barged into the kitchen, flayling about without a care in the world as she backed up into you, knocking your drink from your hand and nearly pushing you into the sink.

"oh, shit, m'so sorry babe" she said as you turned around slightly. She placed a soft hand on your shoulder and squeezed it, "oh my god you're so pretty what the fuck!" she squealed, "m'sorry for spilling your drink" she slurred, sauntering away as you forced a smile.

Despite the somewhat sweet interaction, something about it made your fingers go numb, your chest tightening at the feeling of your wet shirt clinging to your skin. The walls started to close in and you felt as if you could feel the world turning on its axis. Your breath felt like sand paper against your throat as you tried to steady your rapid heart rate and failed.

You pushed your way through the crowds of people and b-lined for Matt's room, your knees nearly buckling under you as you desperately tried to calm your breathing.

As if he could feel your energy change, Matt instinctively looked for you in the crowd, catching a glimpse of your frame as you ducked between people, near enough running to his room.

"I'll be right back" he said to the guy in front of him, placing his drink down and following you through the crowd, calling out your name as he did.

You fumbled at the door handle, pushing yourself inside Matts room as your vision began to blur. Your chest was heaving up and down with rapid breaths, every inhale felt nearly impossible and everything around you was pulsating, your vision turning to a fishbowl as you clawed at your chest.

"y/n/n" Matt entered the room, searching for you in the dim light.

You turned to face him, your eyes brimming with tears as you pressed hard fingers into your sternum, Matts eyes widened at the sight of you and he shut the door, coming to you in an instant, gentle hands on your shoulders as he tried to keep them in one place.

"hey, hey, you're okay, you're okay" He repeated, knowing immediately what was happening.

"I can't - I can't breathe" you stuttered out, pleading eyes burning holes into his. Your knees buckled from under you, feeling like the world was shifting under your feet.

Matt followed you to the floor, hands still gripping your shoulders. "Its okay, breathe with me, okay?" He said, taking a long inhale and encouraging you to copy him, his eyes baring into yours.

You tried to mimic his movements, a shaky breath rattling through your nose. Matt breathed out, nodding as he did and you did the same, the feeling in your chest only worsening, it felt like someone had tied a belt round your shoulders, and was pulling it closed as tight as they could around your chest, watching with a smile as the breath left your lungs.

You clenched your eyes closed and shook your head, "s'not working, Matt, nothing is working" a small sob left you as you grew more and more frustrated.

His jaw clenched at the sight of your shaking frame, feeling utterly helpless as you clawed at your chest. He brought his hands to cup your cheeks, bringing your head up to look at him.

"Its okay, y/n, m'right here, I'm right here" he poured into you, not letting you break eye contact as he tried to breathe as slowly as possible.

His thumbs stroked soft touches against your cheek, his eyes racing around your face as you desperately tried to catch your breath. Your eyes flitted back and forth between his, searching for solace in his face, feeling like the walls were closing in around you. Matts eyes fell to your lips, and quickly met your eyes once more. Your brows furrowed in frustration, eyes running circles around his features as his lips parted slightly.

Before you could register what was happening, Matt pulled you into him, crashing his lips against yours in a soft yet strong kiss.

Your eyes widened at the feeling, Matts soft lips pressed against yours as he held you tight against his face. After a moment in the embrace, your shoulders relaxed and your eyes closed, and you started to kiss him back, your arms limp by your sides.

In that moment, you felt as if nothing mattered. Your heart rate slowed and you took a calm, steady breath in through your nose. Matt pulled away from the kiss, hands still wrapped around your face as you took a long breath out through your parted mouth. Matts eyes fluttered open and he let his hands drop down to his knees. Your eyes met his, slow breaths engulfing your lungs.

"h - how did you do that?" you asked in a breathy tone

"I um - I saw somewhere that the best way to stop a panic attack is by holding your breath, so" he muttered, averting his gaze from yours.

"so, when you kissed me" you began to speak

"you held your breath" he looked back up at you, bringing his lips inside themselves, the taste of your lip balm dancing on his tongue.

You smiled, a final, relieved breath leaving your lips as you stared into him.

"thankyou" your gaze was soft and utterly grateful, doe eyes pouring into his as he shuffled where he sat.

"of course" he shrugged, looking down to the floor

You sat in silence for a moment, not a trace of awkwardness hung in the air.

"I get them too, sometimes" Matt said as he toyed with a piece of lint on the floor.

"you do?" you said, still looking at him

"mhm" he nodded, meeting your eye-line, slightly taken back by you already looking at him, "feels like the whole world is crumbling around you, shits' not fun"

"yeah" you chuckled, relaxing where you sat.

"d'you - do you wanna hang out in here for a bit? I can stay with you" Matt said, his eye contact wavering at the offer only to return to you once more.

"oh you don't - you don't have to do that, Matt, you'll miss your party" you shook your head.

"I don't really like parties anyway" he replied, "I'd honestly rather sit here with you on the floor all night" he chuckled, gesturing to the floor.

You smiled as a soft laugh left your nose, "okay" you said.

"yeah?" his head shot up to meet your gaze.

"yeah." you nodded

taglist: @sturniozalt@mattslolita@shaquilles-0atmeal@blahbel668@sleepysturniolo@le4hsblog @sarosfilms @joemamaaa42069 @2muchofaslvt @seluky10

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #368

Ohhh, Sephiroth. I am... goodness... thoroughly exhausted. For a variety of reasons. But most of them have to do with the fact that I've definitely not been keeping up with my self-care routine especially well for the last... number of days. Sorry about that.

Just... I've been busy with writing. And yesterday there was the cake after my shift at work. And work the day before that.

Yesterday at work, my anxieties got the better of me because I was hungry and underslept, and my silly brain tried convincing me that Ra from work hates me and thinks I'm stupid, and... just... ugh...

...I didn't talk about it yesterday because I didn't wanna ruin your birthday. I wanted to make sure that yesterday was about you instead of my various stupid crap. So...

…

...Sigh. No. That's wrong. My stuff isn't stupid. That's old thoughts rising up to the surface because my body still isn't in the best state. Lemme try that again.

I wanted to focus more on you yesterday. And I wanted to maintain that focus on you. Because everyone deserves that on their birthday. Everyone.

…

Yesterday, Ra and I ended up having a conversation that ended with her hugging me and holding my hand until I felt better. I got anxious because when I do things, she has a habit of rushing in and doing them for me instead of letting me do them. And anytime I make even a small mistake, it's like she's right there, pointing it out. And sometimes she tells me what to do, and often the thing she tells me to do involves me doing as little as possible.

I got really insecure because the people in the past who used to do that sort of stuff in my general direction weren't exactly loving or caring. I grew up with fault-finders, people who are watching me closely, itching for any excuse to punish me, exclude me, or otherwise try to make me feel like I don't have anything worthwhile to bring to the table.

Ra does a lot of the same behaviors that those people did, but... with different intentions. She doesn't do it aggressively or condescendingly. But... given my state of sleep deprivation, hunger, and dehydration, my brain wasn't able to discern the difference and I got scared.

The last straw was when it was 10 minutes before the end of my shift. I didn't have anything else to do, so I began sweeping the floor, and she rushed over to me saying, “No, no, no, I'll do that later, it's fine!” But by then, I was exhausted from being on my feet for 4 hours and from ruminating over the old memories swirling around in my head, so I said to her, sharply, “What else am I supposed to do? There are only 10 minutes left of my shift and you've already done everything else.”

...It... wasn't my proudest moment, for sure. It's not the words I said that were wrong as much as it was the angry tone I said it in. She didn't deserve that from me. Nobody deserves to be spoken to sharply. And after everything I've been through, I should know better than to lose my composure like that. Sharp tones are from the old environment in which I used to live. They don't belong in the here and now, especially not with people as kind and caring as Ra. The lack of self-care on my part is an explanation, but it's not an excuse; it is my job to tend to my body so that shit like this doesn't happen. I dropped the ball. That is squarely on me.

Because... you see... here's the thing. Even if Ra had icky intentions (she doesn't), it's still my job to uphold my boundaries with integrity and respect. It is my job to find ways of expressing myself and keeping myself safe that don't hurt or frighten others. It is my job to keep my old memories in check and to understand my own worth instead of succumbing to insecurity and operating from a lens of perceived self-inadequacy. And I can't do these things effectively if my body is in shambles. That's on me, not on her.

Well. In the end, she asked me, with a soft expression on her face, if I was angry at her. And so all my words came pouring out. I told her that I like her and I admire her a lot, because she's so cool and knowledgeable and efficient, and that when she takes my work out of my hands all the time, I get confused and scared, because then I don't get a chance to learn how to do the things I struggle with, and then I start to think that I'm so clumsy that she gets really annoyed just watching me work, and from there, I start thinking that she must hate me and think I'm stupid and want me to go away. And... it hurts a lot to imagine that I'm being rejected even by someone reputable and kind.

...She got really shocked, actually. Then she took my hand and explained her position. This whole time, she was just trying to be helpful. It wasn't, “ugh this stupid bitch is so bad at this fucking job that it's easier for me to just do it all my goddamn self than to watch her flail around like a useless fucking idiot” (that sort of thing is how my mother and most of my former adult overlords think). It was, simply, that she doesn't want me to struggle and have a bad time. She told me that I am a hard worker and she likes having me around and that she just wants to make things a little easier for me.

I tried to tell her that I don't mind to struggle if it means that I get to learn. I tried to tell her that I like to work and to be responsible for my own things, that I like being trusted as someone who is diligent, willing, loyal, and capable. I'm not sure how much of what I said got through (because I am comically bad at speech, especially if I'm all worked up). But in the end, we hugged, and I pinky-promised that if I started feeling like she's doing too much for me, I'll say so.

The long and short of it is that bad things happen when we don't treat ourselves like a kind friend should. And I have definitely not been treating myself like a kind friend should; lately, I've been pushing myself a bit too hard in a variety of respects. But even if we mess it all up like I did and end up letting our anxious thoughts get the better of us, we can fix it if we use our voices to communicate what we're struggling with in ways that are truthful and loving.

...I owe you an apology. For not putting into practice what I've been asking you to do. Tomorrow, I'm gonna rest. I'm gonna rest, and I'm gonna eat, and I'm gonna hydrate. Especially after today, I'm definitely gonna need it.

What happened today? Well... I went to work again. Everyone is running around like headless chickens, trying to keep everything well-stocked for the winter holidays, because lots of people like to celebrate with food (and especially with foods made of gluten!!). That part was uneventful. The eventful part was the movie that M, J, our baker friend R, and I all went and saw later in the evening.

We saw Sonic the Hedgehog 3. It featured Shadow the Hedgehog; he reminds me so much of you (I think you'd find him profoundly relatable!!!). And I was surprised and delighted that it communicated some of the very same ideas that I've been trying to communicate to you for the last year or so. Stuff like, “make good choices” and “don't let your pain change who you are” and “sometimess when we mess up really badly, we need to ask for help to fix it”.

YOU SHOULD SEE IT. IMMEDIATELY. IN FACT, DO IT YESTERDAY.

But... for compelling reasons (it really was like looking at you in cartoon hedgehog form on the screen), the ending left me a messy, sobbing wreck. M, J, and R all understood why and rushed in to try to comfort me, which was nice, I guess, but... you see, Shadow did a thing and stuff happened, and... I don't know much of the Sonic the Hedgehog lore, so I didn't know what to expect next. It was all okay in the end, at the post-credits scene. Everything was okay, and I was so relieved. But. Ya know. I thought it wasn't, at first. And... he's so much like you... so... I only just barely managed to avoid screaming in the movie theater when the thing happened, and although everything was okay in the end after the thing happened, it still took me a while to calm down. My face leaked a lot. My nose ran. My body shook for a while. I drank water and took ibuprofen when I got home, but... I still have a headache. Oh well.

...

Don't get yourself killed. Sephiroth... promise me. Please.

…

Well. It's going on stupid o'clock in the morning. I am thoroughly exhausted. So I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll even try to sleep in; wish me luck, yeah?

I love you so much. And tomorrow, I'll look forward to getting up to more shenanigans that I can't wait to write to you about.

Please stay safe.

Your friend, Lumine

[sin-cognito]

Rarepair New Year 2024 ch12: Sans/Horror, Pen pal

SFW

Wordcount: 3468

hello pen pal

READ ON AO3

hello pen pal

     my name i'm my name is sans. i'm a skeleton and i'm 10. miss toriel said we have to write letters for people in the hospital. miss toriel is my teacher and she's very nice. i go to school every day and my favorite is maths and i don't like sprots. i leave live with my daddy and my little brother who is taller than me but i'm the older brother. his name is papyrus and he's very cool. for gyftmas daddy bought me a teloscop so i can watch the stars because i love space. i watch documentaryies about space and i can name more than 50 stars. my dream is to become an astronot one day.

i wait for your reply sans

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror rubs his hands together, trying to warm himself up. It's better here in the bus than outside, but he's still very much underdressed for the weather. Today is a snow day and despite the cold, Horror can't help but smile as he watches the white scenery go by. He leans his skull on the window, careful not to let his wound make contact with the freezing glass. It's freshly healed and still sensitive. He tugs his beanie down a little.

Horror checks his phone. He's got one message from his brother that he quickly replies to. Everything is going well for now, his train was on time and now he's on a bus, on his way to the outskirts of town. He checked the route so many times over the last few days that he's confident he's not going to get lost.

He hopes.

Well, he's got his phone and it's still over 75% charged, so there's no reason for him to get anxious about it.

He has a goal today.

He's going to deliver his most precious letter to a very special person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yo pen pal!

     i had my 12th bday last week, we had a pool party in the garden, it was awesome. we played so hard that i fell asleep before dinner and didn't wake up. i was so hungry the next morning, no joke!

     paps lost his last baby tooth, so we made him a cake with dad. he said he didn't care for the taste, so i convinced dad to make it a lemon cake because lemon cakes are the best, right? i helped dad bake it and it was super good. one day i'll make you one too.

     you said in your last letter that you were about to have another surgery, how did it go? do you have some cool scars? i have a scar on the back of my skull from when i fell when i was a kid. everyone at school thinks it's cool. but i can't see it myself so that's too bad.

k i gotta go, waiting for your next letter! bye

sans

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror got off the bus a couple stops too late, so now he's stuck either walking back or waiting for the bus to come from the other direction. According to his map, he's not that far that he could just walk the distance himself, but he knows he'll feel silly if the bus passes him by and he's not riding it. Kinda like waiting 10 minutes for the elevator and giving up then going down the stairs right when it finally arrives.

Plus it's still snowing.

Horror crosses the road and checks the printed timetable. The next bus is in 20 minutes, which isn't that long, but in the cold Horror knows he's going to suffer. He buries his hands in his pockets and realizes with dread that his wallet is gone.

He pats himself over, searches his jacket and his pants pockets, but can't find the damn thing anywhere. He doesn't think anyone stole it, the bus was pretty empty. He must've dropped it.

Either way, that means that he's going to have to walk. He'll try to call the bus company later to ask for his wallet, or at least to get a ticket so that he can go home.

For now he just shrugs and starts walking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hey yo pen bud!

     remember red? i sent you a pic of him. well this asshole got himself a girl, and now he's always ditching our plans to take her on dates or what. it's annoying. we're 15, we're supposed to have fun and play video games all summer, but instead he goes to the mall and buys clothes and actually pays for his movie ticket. and hers too, what a loser.

     i still got paps to hang out with. he's the best. you know what he said the other day? he wants to write to you too! isn't he the best? he reads your letters over my shoulder, fudge he's so tall and i'm so small i hate it, when i receive them and he's around, and he read the part where you said the hospital was lonely and you wanted more letters from me. he said he could write to you too. but you know, i'm going to write you more so you'll have to write me back more, and maybe you won't have time for him.

     i'll add some stickers with the letter. i think you'll like them, it's cats. there's a sheet with food stickers too since you said the hospital food is so disgusting. you can stick them to the food to pretend it's not as bad. but don't eat them. the stickers.

     i got a ton of homework since i got into the advanced program at school so that's all for today. don't worry i'll find the time to write you more, i promise.

your good pal, sans

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror trudges through the snow, his breath disappearing into white puffs in the midday sun. His stomach growls. He was hoping to be done with his errand by now and grab a quick bite before going home, but with the bus issue he doesn't know when he'll get to have lunch.

Oh well, it's not like he's never gone hungry before. He still remembers the horrible hospital food and how he used to skip every meal possible, until the nurses had to sit him down and explain that if he wanted his skull to heal properly, he had to eat. Even then Horror knew this was bullshit. His skull was broken, the damage was done, and no amount of eating the flavorless food of the hospital would make it better.

The wound did finally heal, no thanks to his meals, but he still has difficulties with most everyday things. For the most part, he can manage. As long as he doesn't need to think too hard or for too long, he's good to go. What he could go without though are the headaches and the forgetfulness. He tries his best to remember things, but sometimes they just stay right out of his grasp, nagging him.

There's nothing he can do about that though, so he's reluctantly learned to live with it.

And it's not like he forgets everything anyway. Just the trivial stuff.

He won't forget about his brother for example, who has been his rock in his recovery. He won't forget about the accident either, when he lost his father and got his skull broken in half.

He of course won't forget about Sans, his pen pal. And crush.

And the reason he's presently trudging through the snow in an unfamiliar city.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello friendo, what's up!

     dude i have to tell you something. you're the first one i'm saying this to, even though by the time this letter reaches you i'll have told red too. but you're still the first, technically. remember alphys? i told you about her, she's in the same year as me, she's a dino monster and she's cute as fuck. so i got her number the other day, and she told me she got invited to this big ass party and she was too shy to go alone. so you know what i did? i said i'll go with her and we went and we got drunk and we went back to her car and she said it was hot and she removed her shirt. dude she removed her shirt and i saw her breasts and she's chubby you know and those are motherfucking badonks like i shit you not actually watermelons. and this guy here got to touch them! for real i'm not kidding you, she let me grope her tits and then i said like we should kiss, i don't know, i don't remember but i scored and dude, fuck that was the best sex ever like you have no idea it was so good and not gonna lie her foofoo kinda was like slime but warm. so yeah i'm a man now and then she was like asking me if i want to be her boyfriend and i said yes but i played it cool because red said you got to play it cool with girls. dude i drove her home and it was so awkward at school on monday but i kissed her again and i asked her if we can make love again and she said okay but we have to wait next weekend and i'll go to her house this time. so yeah we're going to do it in a bed this time. the car wasn't very comfortable and i had sore bones the next day but maybe you know it's just because i got to have sex i don't know.

she's texting me so bye sans

ps: i'm including candies with the letter, they're from miss muffet's where i get donuts. she makes candies now and they're so good, i wanted you to have some. the blue ones are my favorite, they're blueberry flavored. i know you like cherry the most so i bought more of them. okay bye now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror looks at his phone again, pulling out the map on the tiny screen. He has to squint his remaining eyelight to make sense of it, but he smiles in victory when he recognizes the park that's in front of him. It's the little green dot on his phone, and as he runs the tip of his finger across the screen, he can see that his destination is very close now.

He turns around a couple times to make sure that he's heading in the right direction and then off he goes.

He walks through the park, watching fondly as he passes by a group of kids playing in the snow. They're throwing snowballs at each other or making snowmen while others are lying down on the ground, flapping their arms and legs around to create snow angels.

Horror never got to do any of this as a kid, but he doesn't feel like he missed much. He's been exchanging letters with Sans for a little over a decade now, and his pen pal has written all about his adventures in such great detail that it's as if Horror has lived it all himself. So sure, it's not the same since Horror hasn't really done anything himself, but it's better than nothing, and Horror owes Sans a big deal for sharing his life like this with him for all these years.

That's why Horror is here today. His last surgery was very successful and he got discharged 2 weeks ago, after 11 years in the hospital. He hasn't told Sans yet, and he wants to surprise his best friend with a hand delivered letter. He's known Sans' address for a while now, and while he's not expecting to actually meet Sans, since he knows the other is most probably at work at this time of the day, he's very excited about his plan to deliver his next letter himself.

It's a special letter too. In it, Horror confesses his crush on Sans and goes into detail about how much the other means to him. He's not expecting anything out of the confession, it's just important for Sans to know that Horror loves him.

His cheeks red from the cold, Horror pulls his beanie further down as he keeps walking. He finally reaches a building that matches the address he got. He comes up to the door and realizes that he can't enter the building itself as he doesn't know the door code.

The problem is that the mail boxes are inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hi horror, how are you doing?

     how did the surgery go? i checked your last 3 letters and you tell me about surgeries in each one, you're going under the knife a lot lately. i'm worried about you, i really hope it's going to work this time. will you let me visit you if it does? i know you always say no when i ask but i want to meet you, you're my best friend you know? and it's important to have support when going through health stuff so i could keep you company while you recover. i have a couple books i bought for your birthday that i haven't gotten to sending you yet because i'm still waiting for one more secret thing to arrive. i could read them to you.

     in other news, i got accepted in ebott university! i'm so happy! i still can't believe it. i'm moving out next month, it's going to be so weird living alone, but my dad found a good apartment near the university. i saw pictures and it looks huge so i can invite red over to play video games, or paps when he's on holidays. i told dad i wanted to find a summer job to help pay for it, but he told me to focus on my studies. i didn't insist too much! when i told my boyfriend, he got pissed that i was moving out of town and told me to go to community college with him instead so i told him off and we broke up. i'm not sad about it anymore, i think i would've broken up with him anyway. both red and paps didn't like him, that was my first clue. it's not bad to start university single i guess.

i have a ton of stuff to do so i stop here. i'll send you my new address in my next letter.

have a quick recovery. i think of you. sans

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"yeah, no, don't worry paps, it's just a little cold, i promise you," Sans rasps into his phone. Stars his throat hurts. "yeah, i'm almost home, i bought meds already and i fully intend to spend the afternoon resting, don't worry. no, i promise i won't work on my thesis. i'll rest. yeah okay, bye. love you."

Sans hungs up and sighs, setting off a nasty coughing fit. He woke up with a sore throat this morning but decided to go to the university anyway since he's been making really good progress on his thesis lately. Unfortunately, by the time he got there, he was dizzy enough to get his temperature checked and was told to go home and rest. After a quick visit to the doctor, he's now on his miserable way home. He already took some meds right after his visit to the doctor and at least most of his headache is gone now.

As he shuffles along, he notices a silhouette standing in front of his building entrance. A skeleton about his age looks defeatedly at the glass door, staring at the mail boxes. Sans immediately realizes that he's far from being properly dressed for the weather and shivers just thinking about how cold the other must be. At least he's wearing a beanie to keep his skull warm and as Sans keeps staring at the other, he realizes that he knows that beanie.

It's the one he bought a few months ago for…

"horror?" He asks out loud and to his surprise, the skeleton whips his skull around, finally noticing him.

"sans," the other simply says, his left eyelight widening like a cat's pupil.

Momentarily forgetting about his sore throat and his headache, Sans feels himself smile dumbly at the other, quickly crossing the couple steps to Horror. He carefully grabs his friend's shoulder and yes, he's real, Horror is really here. Sans' smile stretches to its limits.

"oh my stars, what are you doing here? it's really you, i can't believe it!"

Horror turns to face Sans and with a small, fragile voice, he says, "i was discharged a week ago. i wanted to give you this."

He presents Sans with a letter and that's when Sans realizes how desperately white and stiff Horror's fingers are. He wraps his hands around Horror's to warm them up before pulling the other inside the bulding.

"come here, buddy, let's get you warmed up first."

He leads his friend inside his appartment and sits him on the sofa while he makes some hot chocolate. He adds a handful of marshmallows to Horror's drink, knowing the other loves sweets. Horror thanks him for the drink, which he gulps down gratefully and with gusto, putting another smile on Sans' face.

It's been a while since he's seen a picture of Horror, so he didn't know his friend had grown up to be such a handsome monster.

Once Horror seems warmed up enough, Sans takes a look at what he brought: there's the letter, but also a little box decorated with a bunch of food and cat stickers that look familiar to Sans but he can't quite place them. He opens the box and his eyelights sparkles as he takes in the bunch of candies inside. Lemon and lime candies, blueberry cookies and lemon bars, it all looks so delicious. Sans loves lemon and blueberry.

He shakes his skull and focuses back on Horror, grabbing the letter.

"so you made it all the way here to give me this? you could've sent it you know?"

Horror nods.

"yes i know, but it was importantfor me to hand deliver it to you. i wrote a confession in it, so it's important," he explains.

Sans tilts his head. "a confession?"

"yes," Horror nods and what he says next has Sans' SOUL do a backflip in his chest. "a confession of my feelings for you. i like you, sans."

Sans finds himself staring wordlessly at Horror. He can't believe what he's hearing, and he feels himself starting to blush hard.

Sans has had a big crush on Horror ever since he realized he was bi. Sure he's dated other guys since the epiphany, but that was because he lived too far from Horror to be his boyfriend. But no guy (or girl for that matter) has ever been able to compare to Horror in Sans' mind, and so many times he's wanted to drop everything and go pay him a visit. He's known where the other was hospitalized since they were kids after all. He never went through with it because Horror always turned down his requests to visit and Sans was respectful of his friend's wishes not be to bothered while he was hospitalized. He knew that it wasn't because Horror didn't want to meet him, he just didn't want Sans to see him in that state and while it was frustrating to not be able to visit his best friend (and crush), Sans understood.

So to be told that Horror went all the way here to personally give Sans a letter when he confesses he has feelings for him… To say that Sans is filled with emotion is the understatement of the year, and Sans has to blink back tears.

Sans carefully opens the letter and reads it. Horror's letters have never been long in the first place, but this one is particularly brief. It's just a handful of words, really, where Horror makes it clear how important Sans is to him.

When he's done reading, Sans goes to sit next to Horror on the couch, smiling at him fondly.

"horror, will you be my boyfriend?" He asks simply, and struggles to keep a chuckle in at the surprised look on the other's face.

Horror doesn't look to believe it at first, but he must be able to read on Sans' face how serious he is, and he nods timidly.

"erm, yes. i really want to."

Sans wraps his arms around Horror and hugs him tight.

"if i didn't have a cold, i'd kiss you," he declares happily, but with a touch of frustration.

Horror giggles.

"i lost my wallet and can't go home anyway. i have all the time in the world to wait for you to get better, like you waited for me to heal."

"guess you're stuck with me for a while then."

"i don't mind."

[kaycode1999]

Hi! I saw you're doing matchups and would like to request a JJK, BSD and KNY matchup if that's okay!

Personality: I a very extroverted person, I love talking to people but also like my me time where I am just alone in a room with music. I am very chaotic and take take pride in that too actually. Idk how to tell you here so i'll share a incident, I made a plan with my friends (Convinced them) to go on a bike ride with me when i just learnt it 5 minutes ago and then we did a triplie (When basically 3 people are sitting on one bike and I drove it on a highway). Yes we were alive. I am funny and flirty too (I have good amount of rizz :)) I flirt with my friends all the time. Though aside this, in relationships (My close friends, crushes, bfs, parents) I am very affectionate and all the gift giving, hugs, hand holding you get the point. I ramble a lot about things I geek on. I also tend to forget things A LOT. Now comes the sob story :D. I am an only child, so the all my life I have lived up to people's expectations, do this- that blah blah. I never really got to explore when i got into college then i finally got to open up. I am the child prodigy kind of thing, basically in my family everyone's bad things should be good in me and I should be the perfect lady, being polite, career girl, not an angry woman, elegant, and also have feature of a good women. And also my parents are very strict so ig strict parents make manipulative kids. I know very well how to lie when to lie and yes, that is a red flag but I mean yeah, It is a little strategic thing. (I am sorry :() Which brings me to the final point I hate when things are just planned out for my life. Like I like a little plan but wtf wants to stick to it? Go with the flow!! Hence proved, your girl like adventure in life.

Gender/sexuality: she/her. straight but ally.

Hobbies/things I like: I tend towards creative hobbies. I like to write, poetry, letters, books. I love fashion and I take pride in my fashion sense too. I LOVE LOVE DANCING. I am a classical kathak dancer. I LOVE LOVE BAKING. I love to bake for people too. I love to cook and read manga and watch anime. I know how to play guitar. (Basically I am good at everything I start with focus)

My type: I don't really know my type honestly, but I like guys who listen, like listen to my yap. Take part in my chaotic moments. Have fun with me, and make me feel alive.

Thank you so much for doing these matchups!! LOVE YOUUU!

* you said something about college so I am getting the feeling you’re between 18-20- but as always if I am wrong just let me know and I’ll adjust your match accordingly*

I match you with

JJK

Takuma Ino

Demon Slayer/ Kimetsu No Yaiba

Kyojuro Rengoku

Bungo Stray Dogs

Atsushi Nakajima

Rengoku and Ino are both more on the extroverted side so they enjoy socializing with you, however they also understand needing some time to yourself

Atsushi was deprived of a lot of normal socialization so he has social anxiety and can come off as more awkward which makes socializing more difficult for him. He enjoys having good people to socialize with now that he is out of the orphanage, but he also likes having time to himself as well so he gets it

Kyojuro and Ino deal with some heavy and dangerous situations all the time so they love joining in on your chaotic fun. It helps them decompress and take the pressure off for a time. (They will be the ones making it as safe as possible- for example with your bike story they would be the ones making sure everyone has helmets and maybe even some blinking lights or other signals to make everyone as visible as possible and they are constantly watching and keep themselves in a position to act to keep everyone safe)

Atsushi is an anxious bean, so I think at first you scare his poor little weretiger heart. But he definitely needs to have some chaotic fun since he was deprived of it for so long. He deserves some fun and relaxation

All three of them struggle with self esteem and confidence (Some less than the others and also depends on the day and how they are feeling), so having someone being flirty with them makes all of them flustered although they appreciate knowing you love them

All three of them are flustered by your affection but love it at the same time and like to be just as affectionate with you

Be prepared for Atsushi to cry the first time you give him a gift. He will, but it’s because it means so much to him and it will truly become his most prized possession ( I just want Atsushi to be with someone who loves him and is as affectionate with him as he deserves)

They all love listening to ramble, it makes them happy to see you so excited and they truly listen and remember

All three of them lean more towards responsible, so if you need help remembering important things they don’t mind helping you. Like setting up reminders, calendars, etc. whatever helps you really

All three of them are not the kind of person to put those same expectations on you, so it’s the kind of relationship where you can just be yourself

They all understand that sometimes (especially in the fields they work in), lying is necessary. As long as you don’t lie to them about important things and break their trust they don’t mind

Given the nature of their work and their lives being hectic, all three of them would have to be equally willing to go with the flow as well as planning things out when it’s required

They all enjoy reading whatever you write

All of them love your dancing. They are enamored by it whenever they see you dancing

All three of them are obsessed with your baking. Seriously, it’s a problem.

They all will get you manga they see that they know you’ll enjoy

They are all fairly busy people so they all love getting time to chill with you and watch your shows with you

They are all very impressed and admire that you are good at mostly everything you start with focus

[clairelsonao3]

Just wanted to tell you that you're an absolute doll, you've made the writeblr community an even more wonderful place since you got here, and you are loved and appreciated. This is your opportunity to (should you so desire) ramble about anything that's on your mind, WIP-related or otherwise. 💕

🥹🥹🥹 Thank you!!! Honestly, I was so shocked and happy to see this in my inbox. The only anons I've gotten previously have been chain letters and hate mail, and so my heart actually SANK when I saw this was an anon. But I don't think this is a chain letter and it's definitely not hate mail, so you absolutely made my day/week/month!

I think I started this blog in March, which makes it over six months now. And it's hard to imagine my life without it. The funny thing is (and I think I've mentioned this before), the week I joined, trying to innocently make friends by joining in some event focused on showcasing our WIPs that purported to be open to anyone, and I had the pleasure of being "greeted" by a couple of "hosts" who hadn't read my work, didn't understand the first thing about it, and took it upon themselves to try to "call me out" for something that I hadn't even done. I was so upset that I was this close to shutting down my account because I thought I wasn't welcome here and it would just get me more of the same.

But I stayed, and I'm so glad I did because I understand now that was an anomaly and simply massively bad luck to encounter that. 99% of my other interactions with people here have been positive, and the support I've found for both my work and myself has been beyond my wildest dreams.

Writing is not easy. This is hard, hard work we do. We, especially those of us who post our work publicly, are (metaphorically) slicing out large chunks of our hearts and souls and presenting them on a platter for people to evaluate and judge. Sometimes it feels like more than just our work. It feels like ourselves. And sometimes I get insecure and anxious. "Oh no, do people like such-and-such person better than me? Is their work better than mine? Is everyone going to abandon me to sit at a different lunch table and whisper and laugh and pass nasty notes about me behind my back?"

Middle school fucked me up good.🤣

I have a very strong hunch that I"m not the only one who deals with these types of feelings sometimes. Initially, I wasn't even going to talk about this, but then I was like, well, it might help someone.

Of course, it gets worse when your WIP is being difficult, too. Well, I sometimes think, this isn't working. Might as well take my toys, shut down my blog, abandon my work, and go home, simply in the interest of self-preservation. (I'm NOT doing this; I don't want anyone to worry!)

But I know that this urge is irrational, as are my fears. And that nothing I do -- especially not sitting and worrying and imagining ridiculous, catastrophic scenarios -- is going to have any effect on the situation, whatever it is. I can't make anyone like me. But what I can do is make sure that I send positivity into the world instead of negativity, and eventually, somehow, the universe will even out, maybe, kind of.

Anyway, all of this is a roundabout way of saying that I know yesterday was technically Worldbuilding Wednesday, and I wanted to send out asks, but then I realized, you know? I don't even really like worldbuilding all that much. 🤣 There are other aspects of writing that interest me much more.

And, to me, the most positive thing I can get is a personalized ask about my WIP. It makes me feel seen, acknowledged, loved, and that my work matters. I don't know, but I can only assume that other people feel the same way. So I sent some.

For those whose WIPs I'm not as familiar with yet, I combed through their blog for info about them, and that took some extra time, which meant I wasn't able to send out as many as I wanted. But that's okay because I'll send out more soon.

Anyway, I'm not sure what the ultimate point is to any of this, but that's what's on my mind. Thank you, anon. You're a doll, too. 💕

[chocolatepot]

I was going thru all of the fics of yours that I have bookmarked, and I'd forgotten about this gem: Parched - so, director's commentary?

Oooh, okay!

The thing about this fic is that while the note at the end is true (that it was inspired by wondering about what Mary had told Doug about Stede), it was also something of an experiment for me. See, I'm just not that into Mary! In the flashbacks to their marriage, I tend to think neither of them comes off that well. There's a running joke that everyone in the fandom is on her side when she tries to kill Stede, no matter how much they like him, but I'm not, actually! So I wanted to try to get into her head by writing a fic from her perspective.

Dearest Mary,

I started by quoting Stede's letter to Mary because that felt like the right place to pick up. I was exploring how she grew and changed, so I wanted to start at their divergence.

The sun comes in at an angle on the letter like a knife, highlighting the words “fond regards.”

Something else experimental for me with this fic was that I was attempting to write in a slightly more literary(?) style. I do focus on my prose when I write, I'll sometimes try a sentence multiple ways or put one together so slowly that it's like chipping marble, but that's a refinement of what I instinctively want to express - I don't instinctively tend to write figuratively, or describe things that aren't either a) absolutely necessary or b) fun for me to describe. So: a sharp metaphor to start with.

“Did Dad go out to ride on Arthur? I want to take my new kite out with him today.”

I also don't subscribe to the idea that Stede was a fully absent father, so put in that line to show him as an active presence in the kids' lives.

This all makes me sound super petty but I did indeed set out to write A Good Fic first and foremost! As ever when I'm challenging myself. I just cannot help but write in my interpretation of controversial things.

Louis is young enough that he doesn’t realize how bizarre and fucked up it all is, accepting it as just one of those strange things adults do and going back to his toast; Alma, however, is thinking about it with a furrowed brow.

And part of the reason Alma responds as she does is that she's surprised and upset because it never occurred to her that her father might pick up sticks and disappear. (If I were writing the fic now, I think I'd have dwelt more on the kids' reactions, or lack thereof in Louis's case. At the time, my focus was on how their reactions affected Mary.)

But this time her eye is caught by a different line: You deserve happiness, as do I.

Here, the tone shifts. I am SO anxious about people thinking I'm too nice to Stede on the whole, and was/am particularly so at this point, lol. That being said, assuming Doug wasn't putting an incredibly positive spin on things (possible), Mary was able to say some neutral-to-positive things about Stede. So she must have come around on him, his leaving, and his part in their marriage, when she thought that it was all a closed book. (And then when he came back he just ripped open the scab!)

She can complain about Stede at length, if she feels like it, but to his credit, he’s never seemed to actively dislike her. What he accepts is that she dislikes him.

This whole bit was also me digging in and almost stream-of-consciousness-ing from Mary's perspective about what we saw of Stede in their marriage in the flashbacks. Analyzing. Working my fingers into the dough.

Nobody likes every person they’re thrust into society with, but that’s just how life is! You smile and make small talk and get them to tolerate you, and sometimes you end up making friends – but he just couldn’t seem to do that, like he wasn’t even trying.

I admit that I was also experimenting with the perspective of a neurotypical person not getting why an autistic person can't just be normal.

The next day, Mary puts on a black gown she rarely wears, plus a hat with a veil, and visits the local magistrate.

She successfully got him declared dead, after all!

The second it’s done, Mrs. Higgins pushes off the wall and comes to Mary’s side, putting her hand on her shoulder. “Okay, Melvin,” she says breezily in a husky tone that fits her perfectly. “I’m going to take the Widow Bonnet for a cup of tea.”

Well, I ship them.

“This story about your husband being lost at sea – it’s bullshit, right? Did you take him out?” She puts a hand on Mary’s forearm, and it feels alarmingly sympathetic. “What did he do – did he hit you? Do you need help getting rid of the body?”

I have absolutely no doubt that it went down like this. Evelyn's comfort level with the idea of murdering a husband implies that she's been ready and willing to aid and abet a woman who's had to kill before. (And I think she tends to see situations through this lens even when it doesn't fit as a result.)

“Relax,” Mrs. Higgins orders, and Mary can’t help but comply

👀👀👀

“Your … rifles?” asks Mary, stunned, and Jemima takes them all on a tour of her house to see the armory, which is packed so heavily with guns of all sizes and types that you can’t even make out what sort of wallpaper is behind them. There’s even a cannon, positioned so that it could theoretically fire out a window.

I don't entirely remember my thought process here - a melange of needing to make up more widows to be part of the circle and "what would be funny?" and the image of a 17th-18th century armory. Jemima's maiden name, Courten, came from the History of Barbados wiki page, and her last name came from my fierce third grade teacher. (Jemima? I have no idea.)

“I have a tenant who’s a painter!” says another, turning from a display of guns inlaid with mother-of-pearl. “He’s always looking for students – if you come to mine, I can introduce you.”

Fate!!!

Their first meeting is inauspicious, but not to such an extent that it loops back around into a meet-cute.

This was deliberate. Mary and Stede are such opposites that I wanted her romance with Doug not to be a sudden soulmate thing like Ed/Stede basically are - their meeting isn't the stuff of stories, they don't have an intense, immediate chemistry. It's still love.

His fingers are still hovering over the canvas, moving here and there to point out what he’s taken with, and for a moment Mary can hardly breathe.

This was intentionally a bit erotic on top of the sexiness of Doug caring so much about her art (and also - Doug is the biggest sweetie, he sees the good even in a piece with a lot of problems).

There is just so much emotion in her, and nowhere else for it to go. For a fleeting moment, she thinks of Stede and the times she found him weeping alone.

Tying this all back into one of the main things, which was Mary coming around on Stede to some extent.

Nobody has ever looked at her like that, like she is a delicate and beautiful person to be treasured.

This is picking up on a thread I established in More Nicer, that the flipside of Stede having been forced into a marriage with a woman when he's not attracted to women is that Mary was forced into a marriage where she was never, ever found attractive. Feeling that someone she likes is actually interested in her would be huge.

one night when he stays for dinner and then helps her wash the dishes after the kids have gone to bed.

I am COMMITTED! to interpreting OFMD as depicting their household as a modern marriage with a period veneer. They don't have servants and Stede isn't a powerful 18th century patriarch.

The moon is huge. If she were to paint it this big, nobody would ever believe it.

Mary gets her "you wear fine things well" moment under the impossibly large moon - maybe at the same time as Stede and Ed's! Only hers can be straightforwardly understood as a moment of love by all participants.

That she is, in fact, too harsh and practical to be loved is a possibility that has haunted her for years.

Again, that thread from More Nicer.

But when she looks into his eyes again, he’s still just confused. Then he flushes and looks down. “Sorry,” he says, “I just – it’s hard for me to believe that he could bring himself to leave you.”

He's a keeper.

A very sudden thought hits her like a thunderbolt: Stede was right. Their lives had been monotonous and had needed to be shaken up, changed beyond recognition.

And that's the point that the fic's been leading up to - Mary becoming okay with Stede. I don't think this makes him right about everything, but I do think he had a point there and that part of the reason she got so upset when he suggested that their lives were monotonous was that she knew it on some level.

She still wishes that he had told her he was leaving rather than simply doing it, but what if he had? Would she have raged at him, guilted him into staying so that they would both continue to be unhappy?

Surprising no one, I have A Take about the idea that Stede was objectively wrong on the way he left. Could it have gone well if he'd been more up-front about it? Maybe. Could it have also gone a lot worse? I think so.

Now that she has a tantalizing glimpse of the happiness that may lie in store for her, she can fully close that door – she can end that desperate, stunted life and begin a new one.

And there we are.

anyone who's interested, feel free to ask for another!

[asinglesock]

thunderstorm! flash flood warning! extremely cool!

gonna ramble a bit about some (unrelated to thunderstorm) things. cw disordered eating, suicide, homophobia, scrupulosity

I have got to crawl out of this pit that is not my grave. My dad said something homophobic to me Thursday night and since then I've just been sitting in bed most of the time. I've been lonely to tears. Didn't go to church even though someone messaged to ask if I needed a ride because of rain. I think whatever brain junk I'm having is making me anxious about interacting with other people. I didn't get any food out of the kitchen at all yesterday because H was in the kitchen every time I checked. I just ate the snacks I keep in my room--they're far from a well balanced diet but I'm proud of myself for preparing for my food anxiety.

I attended a shared birthday dinner for H, H's brother, and myself tonight. I was not particularly sociable but I did okay. I had so much dread about it and then it was fine. I chose normal portions and finished the food on my plate and didn't start crying like I did yesterday when H asked me if I was going to eat lunch.

I think I'm afraid to be seen. I feel like I'm violating some unspoken boundary, like I'm going to reveal too much of myself and not be able to pull back.

There was a suicide in the corner of side B twitter that I follow. I feel broken for my community. I don't feel like I'm even in community. I'm just here, quietly feeling my grief.

I don't feel like I'm being honest about myself. I know this is my OCD talking but that doesn't make it stop. I don't feel like I can be friends with anyone because what if they knew what I'm hiding? I pull back. I get tired. I haven't been sending letters. I haven't been calling. I've lost most of my groups. I've stopped messaging people. I want it all so much but I get scared and that makes me tired.

If you love me, please love even a wretched and unlovely me. Please love a selfish and uncertain and weary me. I have so little to give and I'm trying not to loathe myself. Please love a doubtful and lonely me.

I promised myself that I'd rather make a mess of my life than die. I'd rather anger everyone, act recklessly, live irresponsibly and wildly and deal with the consequences if that's what it took to keep myself alive. And then I just stayed alive, and I stayed afraid of anger and coldness. Will I ever stop being afraid? Will I ever do it anyway, and will it ever get easy?'

It is courage for me to muddle through school and not make up my mind. It is courage for me to write letters and overthink and never send them. It is courage for me to lie in bed all day and cry myself to sleep. It is courage for me to go to a party and sit in awkward silence. It is courage for me to keep myself alive in whatever condition keeps myself alive.

I keep thinking that I don't know what I want or what I'm doing. Here's something I want: I want queer people to live. I want queer people to be loved regardless of whether they meet someone's standard of acceptable behavior. I want queer people to be happy. I want queer people to be valued members of their communities. I want queer people to have agency to choose the terms by which they practice their faiths.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to speak kind words to myself. I'm going to make myself eat and do homework. I'm going to enjoy a cup of tea and pet H's dogs. I'm going to send emails and text messages. I'm going to call my parents. I'm going to message my friends--my friends are the people I choose to call my friends, and it's their business whether they choose to call me their friend. I'm going to love the only life I have, and I'll accept that it must eventually end but I'll treasure as much of it as I have. I will live. I will do my part to live.

[gothic-lottie]

7, Hot chocolate or cider?

Well, cider is spicy (my autistic ass taste buds think it is anyway so Isobel thinks so too) and hot chocolate is a core part of her first happy Christmas. Here are some Christmas snippets, all from Sebastian's POV

5th year

Once we were all inside, Ominis went to greet Anne and talk with her while I set the groceries on the kitchen table. Isobel followed me. 

“So, you're going to talk to Ominis soon, right? I want Anne to have as carefree a holiday as possible.”

“Yes, I'll talk to him once I get this stuff put away.”

“Perfect, what'd you get?”

“Just normal Christmas dinner and sweets.” She was still staring at me as if that wasn't an adequate answer. “You know, ham, potatoes, cranberries, candy canes, chocolate to make hot chocolate…”

“Oh, that sounds lovely. Why would we make the chocolate hot though?”

She's joking, right? She doesn't seem like she's joking…

“Hot chocolate is a drink. Anne'll be floored to find out you don't know what it is.”

She suddenly seemed anxious… like I had discovered some awful secret.

“So everyone knows that? Maybe it's just not common in the muggle world.”

“No, it's definitely common outside the wizarding world.” I sighed, feeling a little bad at how anxious she seemed “I won't tell Anne if you don't want me to. Why don't you know this anyway?”

“I would appreciate it if you didn't tell Anne. My family just… didn't participate in many holiday traditions. Poppy had to tell me why there were trees all around the castle.”

That's sad but she's definitely not telling me the full story here. I don't really care. It's none of my business, we aren't even friends. I don't like her anyway but it's hard to hate her when she seems like an injured puppy or something.

“I won't say anything. Go talk to Anne. She's been waiting for you all day.”

“Okay. Let me know if there's something I can do to help with cooking or anything else.”

She went to sit with Anne after that.

6th year (this one's sad. Chapter's literally titled "The Worst Christmas")

When we reached the end of the pile, there was just one gift left. Ominis passed it to me after checking the tag. When I looked, it read simply “Twins”. It was still Isobel’s handwriting but when I opened it, I was met with a box of peppermint toads and a pack of sugar quills. The sweets Anne and I should have exchanged. There was a letter attached to the toads box. I couldn’t help my hands shaking as I opened it.

“Dear Sebastian,

Merry Chriatmas-”

This was Anne’s writing.

“I know you probably want to lay in bed all day. It's your first without me after all, but I want you to get up for me. At least have dinner. Maybe have a walk around the vivarium, make some hot chocolate for Isobel and Ominis, and eat these peppermint toads. You can do this. I believe in you.

And please check on Bell for me. I think you two might really need each other right now.

Your Better Half,

Anne”

I took a shaky breath and pressed my face into my sleeves, trying to rid myself of the tears welling up in my eyes. She’s right as always. I would rather stay in bed but I shouldn’t. I know walking a bit and having something to eat will help but… it all feels so empty without her.

7th year (still subject to change, not published yet)

I woke up this morning early, determined to make our first Christmas at home something special. 

Ominis has only known happy holidays with me and Anne, aside from what he insists was a good holiday with Marvolo in second year, and Isobel… She said she had happy holidays when her father was alive but she hardly remembers those. The only things she’d wanted were the homemade mint candies Anne used to make, which we did yesterday, and hot chocolate. She didn’t even know what that was our first year together. Her other holiday tradition was something we can’t really do. She wanted to hear a church choir. It sounded like a nice idea but there are no churches nor choirs similar nearby.

Today it’ll be just me, Isobel, and Ominis. Penny is joining us for lunch but refused any further invitations. Isobel is going to be here most of the day but promised Poppy she’d join the Sweetings for dinner so we’re having holiday food at lunch, meaning I have less time to figure out what I’m doing. My mom and dad had a couple great holiday recipes we made together every year but I hadn’t thought to find their cookbook when Anne and I moved into Solomon’s house, an oversight I’ve regretted ever since. I sighed as I stared at the pile of ingredients I’d gathered on the table. I really don’t know what I’m doing. 

I decided to start first on something I remember being relatively easy; cranberry sauce. Dad acquired a taste for it on a trip to the states before Anne and I were around so we had it every year. I poured the bag of cranberries I’d bought into a pot. What else was there to it? Mom always gave me a pile of oranges to juice for this. I can do that. I started on juicing oranges, already feeling a bit sad at the realization that I don’t remember much other than what I was told to do as a nine year old and that really wasn’t enough to piece family recipes back together.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a noise from the loft. 

“Isobel, don’t jump. My hands are covered in in orange juice.”

I waited to hear some sort of affirmative noise in response before resuming my task. She climbed down with no insistence on being caught a few minutes later.

“Good morning. You’re up early”

“You’re up earlier.” She muttered, rubbing her eyes. “What are you making?” 

“Cranberry sauce… hopefully.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Not at the moment. Get yourself something for breakfast.” I heard the candy dish by the door. “Something other than candy. You can’t just eat those, even if they “taste like Anne” which is still gross by the way. I like those too and that statement is making it hard to eat them.”

She huffed and sat at the table. “Fine” When I turned to pour the orange juice into the pot, she was cutting a slice of bread. “Are we seeing the Weasleys today?”

“No, they’re visiting the Lovegood side this year and not even I want to meet that many new people.”

“Right… Can we make hot chocolate?”

“When I’m done with this. What else did mom do with this?... I think some water and like, a stick? She used to eat the stick after, what the hell was that?” I looked through my shelf of spices, eye landing on the tin of cinnamon sticks. Did my mom eat cinnamon sticks??? It was the closest thing to what I remembered so I dropped one in and poured water in till the cranberries were covered. I guess that looks right? I shrugged and set it on the stove. “Can you watch this for me? Mix it occasionally and tell me when all the skins have split.”

“Okay.” Isobel finished her bread then tied an apron on and pulled up a stool by the stove to stare at the pot. I smiled and washed my hands before starting on some hot chocolate.

The curtain separating our bed off opened and Ominis came shuffling over to the table, wrapped in all the quilts off our bed.

“Good morning love, how’d you sleep?”

“I don’t want to be awake but it’s warmer over here.” he muttered, laying his head on his blanketed arms on the table.

“You can take a nap if you want.” I kissed his head and set a mug of hot chocolate in front of him, smiling at how cute he is all cocooned in blankets with his hair messy.

[luna-writes-stuff]

Day 18: Breathin, Nina Zenik

Song link

Fanfic, genderneutral! anxious! reader

Angst, but fluffy angst

Word count: 2534

Tw: Anxiety attack, anxious thoughts, bit of paranoia, mentions of hearing beating of heart/feeling the rushing of blood, losing hearing slightly, Nina being a bit worried. Reader is a tiny bit rude, but it's because they're stressed. Description of losing slight control over your thoughts. Crying.

Summary: When all the things you have to do today become too much for you, your thoughts begin to pile up and you have no idea what to do about it. As you're trying to process it, you lose control of your mind, not knowing where to go. Nina tries to calm you down.

Before starting this; No, I have not been diagnosed with anxiety. I merely show some symptons, but that's about it. What I am writing now is based on what happened to me once. I suspect it had indeed been an anxiety attack, but I am not 100% sure. That being said: If you have been diagnosed with anxiety and you feel as if I am misinterpreting an anxiety attack, please tell me! I am aware it is different for everyone, but still, I myself am not diagnosed (yet) and can therefor not confirm whether this is what one is like or not.

"Some days, things just take way too much of my energy. I look up and the whole room's spinning."

The day had already started off relatively rocky, if you were bing honest. A lot of stuff had to happen in a short amount of time. And upon waking up and getting dressed, it just appeared as if the world had been against you today.

You had rushed down in haste eventually, knowing Kaz had expected you to finish writing your piece for the heist today, but in all truth; you hadn't even started yet. And Kaz did not even have to ask, for he saw it written on your face. He had merely shaken his head, hinting for you to turn it on before the sun would set. And that had been a kind offer coming from him. Usually, he'd call you out on it, forcing you to give it to him within the hour.

Then you had your weekly date with Nina to get waffles, and you had already cancelled the last two times, so today was a must.

You promised to help Jesper with his distraction for the heist and Wylan needed you for one of his big plans which Kaz hadn't even heard yet.

And then, you could not forget the actual heist happening that night. And you knew you should have planned everything a bit better, but it seemed as if procrastination had simply taken hold of you

"You take my cares away. I can so overcomplicate, people tell me to medicate."

You were hunched over your desk, writing away a letter that Kaz would need if he wanted to get inside the museum without being caught or thought of as suspicious.

You could hear your door opening, but you ignored the sound, trying to get your full attention onto the paper, even as your brain was going haywire over how to exactly plan the day.

"Hello, my dearest sweet." Nina spoke in a posh accent, leaning over your shoulder as she pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Are you doing Kazzle's bidding?"

But when you did not even utter a chuckle or hum at her words, Nina immediately knew something was wrong.

"We can go right after I finished this." You announced, now speeding up your process.

"Sweetheart, are you-"

"Oh yeah, I still need to run by Wylan." You went on, interrupting the heartrended. "But I could also do that after."

"You know, I could-"

"Shit. I also promised to help Jesper." You hissed, having completely forgetten the sharpshooter.

"If you're busy, we could just go tomorrow." Nina tried, but you shook your head at her words.

"No, I'll make it. I'm not rescheduling our date again."

"Feel my blood runnin', swear the sky's fallin'. How do I know if this shit's fabricated?"

"Sounds like you have a lot on your mind." Nina continued, resting her hands on your shoulders as she rubbed them gently. "I truly don't mind doing our date a day later. The waffles won't change in taste."

"It's not the date; it's the principle." You defended, now scribbling down something as your head began to waver from your subect.

What had you even written down? You couldn't mess this up. It could get Kaz discovered, which will make all the Crows discovered and people could end up injured, or - in the worst case scenario - dead. You swallowed at the thought.

"Well, I don't care about the pr-"

"Nina, could you please shut up?" You asked, the words spilling out of your mouth rather rudely.

"Sorry," You apologized immediately. "I did not mean for it to sound like that."

You let out a deep breath, trying to gain back control over your mind. "We will have our date. Yes, there is a lot going on, but I can manage."

"Your heart tells me otherwise." She returned softly, rubbing the sides of your neck with her thumbs, before retracting her hands.

"Well, then you probably should not listen to my heart." You returned, now facing the paper again. And it nearly pained you to see the state of it: It was obvious the handwriting became more rushed, some sentences were gramatically incorrect, the story of it did not seem to make any sense anymore. The whole thing had been ruined.

You groaned at the sight, before crumbling the paper and throwing it behind you.

"Love-" Nina tried, but again, you shot her off.

"I got this." You announced, reassuring both you and your girlfriend. "I just need to stop thinking too much."

"Time goes by and I can't control my mind, Don't know what else to try, but you tell me every time."

"Do you want me to help Jesper or Wylan?" Nina offered. "So you can write that letter in peace?"

"It'll be fine. Stop worrying." You scolded as you grabbed a second piece of paper.

"Can I at least sit here?" She asked carefully, pointing towards the chair a few steps back. You showed her a nod, returning to your work.

Now; how had you started? What did the letter have to be again? Well, don't linger too long on the thought, for Jesper and Wylan still need your help. And Nina. Poor Nina who could have had her date three days ago, but you kept postponing. But Kaz wouldn't get it and this letter had to be done. Or he would fail and the whole heist would fail and it would all be blaimed on you.

Saints, had the walls always been this close together?

Don't think. Focus. You got this. It was a simple paragraph. How difficult could it be. But for who was it again? What was the subject.

"Calm down." Nina announced, resting her hand on your shoulder as you felt your heartbeat significantly calm down. Had it been beating that quick? You hadn't even noticed.

"Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'. And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin'. Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'. And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin'."

"I'm sorry." You mumbled, now looking down at your hands. They were shaking. How were they shaking? When did they even begin shaking?

You placed the pen back onto the paper, but your hand had not been steady enough by a long shot. The letters came out weird and scrabbled, almost as if it was written in some form of secret language.

No, this could not happen to you now. Kaz depended on you for this. He trusted you with this. You had to prove to him that you could do it. And you knew you could do it. You just had to stop thinking so much. Just focus on one things at a time. Too much is not good.

"Darling, breathe." Nina ushered again, your heartrate dropping with her words.

You had not even noticed your heart had sped up its pace once more. How could you not have control over that? You looked at the candle that had lit the table, somehow connecting it to Wylan. How long had he been waiting for you? Maybe he urgently needed your help and you'd just leave him hanging.

But Jesper was waiting too. How could you forget about your friends?

"Sometimes it's hard to find, find my way up into the clouds. Tune it out, they can be so loud."

"Could you get me some water?" You asked quietly, feeling a dry sensation in your throat as your head finally went to overload.

Nina had nodded at you, letting out a hum, before standing up, risking one more look at you. And it was obvious to her you were as worried as she was. Your eyes seemed to run over every little thing in the room as your mind just seemed completely absent. Now, she too, noticed your hands, and she had wanted nothing more than to hold them and tell you it would be okay.

But you asked her for water, and she figured that you knew what you needed and what had been best for you. So she ran out of the room to get you that glass of water.

"You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated. All I need is to see your face."

In the mean time, the thoughts in your head had become so much louder than they were before. If anything; it appeared as if it weren't even your thoughts anymore. As if someone else had been shouting them at you. And you could not cancel them out.

On the contrary: with every word spoken, your head began to hurt. It had felt as if your heart was indeed leaping out of your chest.

And that was what worried you most: you had not felt your heartbeat moments prior, but now you did. And it was loud. It felt as if you could feel everything moving around in there.

And you feared it. It wasn't right, you knew it wasn't. You were not meant to feel blood stream through your body. Your brain cancels the sensation out. But you felt it.

"Feel my blood runnin', swear the sky's fallin'. How do I know if this shit's fabricated, oh?"

You stood up in fear, now desperately trying to look for Nina. She would know how to calm you. Why did you send her off? Why did you tell her you needed water? You should have let her stay by your side. Why would you let her wander off when you needed her most.

The room around you had begun to spin as the loud laughter of Inej and Jesper in the background began to grow more silent. A loud ringing filled your ears instead, cdausing you to hit your head with your hand, as if it would knock it clean off.

But it didn't. It only caused the room to spin.

You had no idea what was happening. Sure, you have had a few earlier attacks, but none as bad as this one. And you had been stressed about worse things before.

So why was it so serious all of the sudden?

"Time goes by and I can't control my mind. Don't know what else to try, but you tell me every time."

Focus on anything else. Think about waffles. The waffles Nina loves.

Oh no; your waffle date with Nina. You couldn't let her miss it again. You needed to get things done and right now, you were doing nothing. So you stood there in the room, not knowing whether to walk back to your desk and finish that letter, or to look for Nina and hope she could help you.

Silent tears escaped your eyes as, for once, you did not know what to do. Every direction would be a wrong one, but you needed to choose. You could not stand in the room forever.

You let out a hiccup as your eyes began to gloss over even more. You furiously tried to wipe the tears off, but they just seemed to multiply every second.

But now you knew what to do. Whenever something was wrong, there was only one person you could talk to. One who would truly listen and help; Nina.

Yes, she would make sure you were okay. She could help.

"Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'. And oh, I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'. Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'. And oh, I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'."

It was a sad sight, really. You stumbling along the halls as you tried to find hold on anything: the walls, chairs, small tables. If someone found you besides Nina, it would surely be pathetic. What would you say? That you were stressed and occupied? That you had to cry, because you did not know where to walk to? That you could barely hear your surroundings because your brain kept shouting reminders and possible outcomes at you?

"Nina." You tried to call, but your throat had still been dry, making your voice nearly recognizable or even audible.

"Nina." You tried again, ignoring the painful feeling. From a distance, which might actually have not even been that far away, you could hear quick footsteps nearing.

Your heart only sped up at the sound of it. What if it was not Nina? What if it was Wylan. Or worse, what if it was Kaz? If it was Kaz, he would surely kill you. Right?

"My, my air. My, my air. My, my air, my air."

"I heard your heartbeat all the way from downstairs!" Nina exclaimed worriedly, running up to you.

And you swore, you had never let out a sigh that relieved.

"Nina." You repeated, stumbling over to her as you wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her into you as you now let your body fall against her, trying so desperately to become less panicked.

"Sweetheart..." She mumbled, immediately wrapping her own arms around your body to hold you steady. "How can I help?" She had whispered.

"I don't know."

"Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'. And oh, I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'. Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'. And oh, I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'."

But luckily, Nina did know. Well, at least a little bit. She slowly sank to the floor, carefully dragging you with her. As the two of you sat there, she let you rest your head against her chest, allowing you to listen to her own heartbeat.

She gently grabbed one of your hands, before gradually slowing your heartbeat down, until it was completely matching hers. The thoughts in your head however, did not quiet down. Not until Nina spoke again.

"Jesper and Wylan decided to help each other out, so that is two problems off of your back. They did not mind at all." She soothed, now running her fingers through your hair in order to try to calm you down.

"Kaz also proposed that Inej could write the letter. If you cannot write it today." She continued, before placing a kiss on the top of your head as she paid attention to your trembling hands, which languidly stilled.

"I can write it." You croaked out, sniffing a little as the last few tears escaped your eyes. "If Jesper and Wylan help each other, I can write that letter."

"Feel my blood runnin', swear the sky's fallin'. I keep on breathin'."

"That's okay, but I will be beside you the entire time." Nina agreed, now loosely toying with the ends of your hair.

"Please, don't stop." You whispered, closing your eyes as the shouts in your head began to quiet down, now making room for your audible surroundings.

Nina risked a little smile at your words, shifting her head so it would be laid against yours as her hand kept brushing through your hair, the other one holding yours tightly, still regulating your heartbeat until you could manage a stable one on your own.

"We have hours until sunset, so we can stay here for as long as we want. Do not worry about that letter." She soothed, her voice finding its way into your mind as it began to fight off the anxious thoughts you had held earlier.

"And when the heist is over, I will take you out on a date. But not until every last worry is gone. Deal?" Nina proposed softly, squeezing your hand.

"Deal." You agreed.

"Time goes by and I can't control my mind. I keep on breathin', mmm, yeah."

[godly-tomatoe]

Match up for The Quarry, please? :D I had to rewrite this again because my app rebooted from me being scared of pressing the ask button, so.. This is technically still my first time requesting for something like this, so I hope I don't seem like an asshole 'cause I usually do seem like one with how I write and how I'll describe myself right about now.

I'm a 5'5 omnisexual fanfic and video game addict, with shoulder length hair and normal dark brown eyes. I have pierced ears and it's sensitive to loud sounds, I like wearing clothes that are the right amount of bright and dark, and soft, I like to write my own songs in my head and leave it forgotten until someone asks me what it was, and write stories whenever I have the chance to. I will never confront someone seriously when it's a 'BS topic-ed' argument and will reply with plain voiced sarcasm until someone tells me it's a serious topic, then I will apologize a lot for how insensitive I was with my sarcasm... I will apologize for anything I do and say because of my normally sarcastic voice. My love language for any type of relationship is writing poems and act of service. I'd rather act than talk, and hate it whenever people start shouting at each other. I hate any arguments and will remember an argument I regret participating until the day I die.

Is this too long? Should I have specified more? Did I use too many words? I'm so sorry I got too carried away because I described myself for the first time since kindergarten 😭

Hi hun! this I perfect, don't stress! thank you for your request :)

I match you with... Nick!! You guys got along immediately because of how chill he is, he's not very argument inducing and doesn't like drama too much so he understands your problem with loud noises and people arguing. because you guys spend a lot of time with each other he can usually tell your tone of message even with your sort of monotone voice, so he's kind of like your translator lmao. he loves to listen to your thoughts and he likes to hear all of the literature you create. when he decides to confess to you he tries to create a poem of his love for you but.. its not really good lmao. but you love it anyway. when you guys start to date he notices how anxious you get over your actions and loves to reassure you on how perfect he thinks everything about you is. with every letter, poem, song idea, ect. you make for him he always keeps them and end up putting all of them on his wall when he gets home. he makes sure to keep your hatred for arguments in mind so whenever he confronts you about a problem he always mentions that its serious and remains in a calm voice. you guys love to read together and just sit and take in scenery. during the werewolf incident he will always have you in his sight. when he gets bit he immediately makes sure you're safe. when he sees that you react weird to his behavior and he feels different he makes everyone get you away from him, he absolutely does not want to ruin anything with you or cause any harm to you. when the night is over you guys literally don't leave either of yalls side, you will definitely have to comfort him through his trauma and reassure him that he didn't hurt you. he feels bad that he couldn't help you throughout the night but reassures you that he's here now.

I think you guys would fit each other nicely, so I hope you liked this! have a great day love bug :)

[giorno-plays-piano]

Your place

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (High School AU)

Warnings: yandere, obsession, bullying, threats, non-con.

Words: 1510.

Summary: You suffer in the arms of America's golden boy, the one who has been bullying you for years.

P.S. I just realized most of my smut fics are about Bucky, so I decided to write one with Steve instead. Btw, all characters had reached 18 years of age. Hope you'll enjoy!

______________

"Damn girl, you better put some makeup." Someone's loud voice behind your back made you flinch. "Y'know, you can still do something about that face."

You heard a burst of laughter and bit your lips. It had always been a part of your daily routine for several years once you moved to New York and went to Abraham Lincoln High School. God, you regretted it with all your heart.

"Come on, Sam. Give her some credit." You didn't even need to turn your head to know who was speaking. "She's the natural beauty, isn't she?"

You spun on your heels, watching harshly the group of guys leaning against the wall and smirking at you, all beefy, muscular and tall. The biggest assholes in whole Brooklyn; players of Howling Commandos, your school's basketball team; the ones most of the girls dreamed about and to whom they sent love letters every goddamn week, as the guys claimed. They had been your absolute nightmare since you got transferred to this place.

You glanced at Steve Rogers, America's golden boy, incredibly handsome with those blonde hair and blue eyes; the picture-perfect image of a diligent, polite student; the one whose face they put on promotional posters every year. You knew better than anyone else who was hiding behind this facade of "just a kid from Brooklyn".

"What, are you moody after yesterday's game?" You smirked, knowing very well that they had just lost against Hydra, the team Steve always hated with all his soul. "Go fuck youself and calm down, dear. Or are your buddies gonna lend you a hand, maybe?"

The smile fell from his face as the guy frowned, his bright blue eyes burning a hole in your figure. You guessed he really missed those days when you just listened quietly while he and his friends kept insulting you, but these days were long gone. You grew some teeth by the end of your final year.

"Listen, you little..." Bucky hissed, but Steve raised his hand and made him fall silent as you grinned, clenching your lunchbox in your hands.

Oh, he was mad. You knew well how much Rogers detested swear words, especially if they were coming from a woman's mouth.

"Watch your language, girl," his voice was unusually hoarse, his eyes watching you intensely, "or I'll have to teach you how to speak to a man myself."

"I'd like to see that." You giggled nervously, relieved there were enough students passing by to prevent Steve from doing anything stupid. "But if you want to complain to Mr. Banner to give me a detention, please feel free, dear."

You turned around with a silly smile on your face, waiting for him and his friends to give you some more empty threats, but you heard nothing at all as you kept walking. Suddenly feeling victorious and somewhat invincible, you laughed to youself, hurrying away. Did you just make those assholes silent, gasping for words at your audacity? Did it truly shut their goddamn mouths? God, it was unbelievable. Well, maybe going against Steve Rogers wasn't wise, but you couldn't pretend you were okay with that attitude of his after all those years of pure humiliation. You did nothing but protected yourself, right? Besides, he could hardly do anything since you were never alone at school, and after finishing your classes you were lucky to be driven home by your dad who worked close.

But maybe buying a mace wasn't a bad idea.

You laughed at yourself, finally arriving at the cafeteria and landing on one of the seats with a loud sigh. You knew Steve and his friends wouldn't do anything - their college admission was at stake, and you'd be happy to provide police with all the details if anything were to happen to you. Surely, they wouldn't risk it for just a few words you exchanged with them this morning.

_________________

Shit, you were so late for your PE class! Everyone was already at the field while you ran to the locker room, gasping for air. You didn't need Maximoff to yell at you the third time this month.

You threw your bag to the floor once you spotted your locker and jumped to it, abandoning your skirt in a matter of seconds and desperately trying to get your shorts out. You didn't care much about your surroundings as no one else was inside the locker room. Class had already started 10 minutes ago.

You didn't think anyone could be waiting for you here on purpose.

Before your heard the lock snap, somebody slammed your body into the locker, pressing you to its cool metal door so hard you lost your ability to move. Frightened to death, you were ready to scream, but someone's hand clamped over your mouth, muffling the sound. God, what was happening? Who was that? Why didn't you see anyone?

"Shhh, it's okay." You knew this voice too well. "You can keep screaming, but there's no one around, you know that."

You grunted against his hand, trying your best to throw the huge guy off you but achieving little: Steve was a bull of a man. His enormously big body leaned so close to yours that you could feel his every fucking muscle with his chest pressed to your back. His other hand gripped your throat tighter to make you stop squirming.

You needed to keep your mouth shut today instead of provoking him.

"Yeah, like that." Steve shushed you in a mockingly gentle tone, lifting his hand from your mouth and nuzzling against your ear, inhaling your scent. "I like when you're quiet."

"What the fuck are you doing, Rogers?" You asked him furiosly, pretending you weren't frightened to death. "Have you lost your head?"

"Language." His low gutteral growl made you shiver as you felt his palm on your neck moving.

Clenching your teeth, you tried pushing him away once more, but instead you just grinded against his heated body and realized he was... aroused, the bulge in his pants obvious as you moved your ass. God, no. No, no, no! You were at the edge of going into hysterics, shaking and pushing and crying with his hand on your mouth again. It was hard to breath with so little space Steve gave you, his unbearably hot body covering yours.

"What happened, dear? Cat got your tongue?" You were disgusted at his sweet loving tone. "Aw, don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. You wanted me to teach you how to speak to a man, remember?"

His grip on you was madly strong - you winced in pain once Steve had squeezed the cheek of your ass with his huge calloused palm, your head pressed into the cool metal locker as he hovered above you. When he started kissing your neck, you bit your tongue in utter despair. He was fucking sick. Deranged. He was ready to do this over some little quarrel when the only thing you actually did was responding to his bullying.

Your mind was hazy as you started losing your strength after good five-minute struggle. Rogers didn't relent in his efforts to keep you pinned and completely defenseless.

"This is rape, Steve." You whispered, exhausted and anxious. "Do you understand?"

"Come on, what are you saying?"

His hand travelled down to your hips as he caressed them gently and moved to tug your panties down your legs.

"You're so wet for me, dear. How can you call it rape?" You shut your eyes when Steve touched you down there, forcing you to spread your legs and settling in against the craddle of your thighs. As he moved the elastic of your black panties, his fingers were playing with your folds, and you realized with shame he was right as he spread a bit of your wetness on your skin playfully. "Admit it, you have a thing for bullies."

"No, I d..."

Before you could bark at him he forced you to turn your head and kissed you hungrily, pushing his tongue in your half-opened mouth. You squirmed, grasping his hand, yet his arm that he used to hold your chin before swept yours away as he pushed you against the locker even harder. You could feel his erected cock through the fabric of his school pants.

Making a soft noise at the feeling of his tongue rubbing against yours, you heard Rogers groaning, his chest heaved. If you could pull away, a shudder would rush down your spine at the sight of his face. Instead of a school bully there was a predator waiting to tear his prey apart.

"Stop, please..." You panted heavily once he finished kissing you, his fingers still caressing your womanhood, your juices leaking down your thighs. "Why me? What have I done? You have hundreds of girls who want to throw themselves at you."

He smiled and rested his sweating forehead against yours, teasing your entrance.

"You see, it's easy. You get off on being bullied, and I get off on bullying you." Steve started rubbing little circles on your engorged clit, admiring your blushing cheeks. "We can have so much fun together if you just stop resisting me and take your place."

___________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki ​ @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​ @lovelydarkdaydream

[mimisempai]

Wait for me on the other side 6/8

Summary:

Mobius must face both his past and a brutal news. He opens his heart to Loki. Loki wonders about what connects them...

Notes:

Prepare some tissues...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82394134

House on the cliff - 2019

Mobius returned home, patiently awaited by Croki. While he was feeding him, he noticed that he had a message on his answering machine.

"Mobius, pick up, I have something to tell you. It's about Ravonna."

Forty-five minutes after Casey's call, Mobius rushed into the hospital.

He headed to the admissions office and spoke to the first person who came in.

"Hello, I'm looking for Ravonna Renslayer. I'm Mr. Mobius."

"Hold on a moment."

The young woman consulted her computer and looked up.

"Yes. Mr. Mobius. You are expected in Doctor Cho's general medicine department."

She pointed in the right direction.

When he arrived at the ward, he asked for Dr. Cho.

He waited a few minutes and a woman approached him, holding out her hand.

"Hello Mr. Mobius, I am Dr. Cho, I am the one who takes care of Mrs. Renslayer. Since you were the person to notify in case of an emergency, we called you."

"What happened? Is she okay?"

Dr. Cho motioned for him to follow her, "She's fine. She had a relatively minor collapse, but we'll have to keep her for a day or two, wait for the results of the tests we did. Since you are her only family according to her file, even for something minor we had to call you. I'll take you to her room."

Casey was waiting outside Ravonna's room when Mobius arrived with Dr. Cho. They embraced.

"How is she?" Mobius asked.

"You know her..." replied Casey, shaking his head. "I had to bring her some work, the latest reports from the financial department."

Mobius looked disbelieving and laughed, "Of course. The last thing we would want to do is let a little collapse endanger the company."

Mobius entered the room quietly. Ravonna laid on her bed, connected to monitoring devices, reading her reports and making annotations, papers scattered around her on her bed. She didn't hear him right away, and when she raised her head, she lowered the report but didn't put it down.

"Hi.", Mobius whispered.

Ravonna did not smile, simply nodded and continued to work on her files as if Mobius were not there.

After a while, she said, "I don't need you."'

Mobius simply replied, "I'm going to stay until your exam results come in."

"That's not until tomorrow morning."

"I'm not going to drive all the way home that late. I'm staying."

Ravonna shrugged and returned to her reading. The silence was deafening.

After a moment, Mobius picked up one of the magazines about expensive watches that was on the table and asked, "Do you mind if I..."

Ravonna shook her head, "Go ahead. If you're still interested in that kind of thing."

Mobius didn't look up and began flipping through the magazine.

When he looked up about ten minutes later, Ravonna was asleep. Mobius watched her breathe in the dimly lit room, the monitoring devices flashing silently. He picked up the papers scattered on the bed and stacked them neatly on the nightstand.

Then he sat down, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in the hospital room chair. Since this was impossible, he picked up a piece of paper and began to write to Loki.

I know I haven't written in a while.

But I need to... I wanted to tell you about someone who is very close to me. We are not related by blood, but I consider her to be family to me, like a big sister.

We grew up together in the orphanage.

She is well-known. You know her work... Ravonna Renslayer, the CEO of Time Keepers, the famous watch brand.

I always liked to put watches together and take them apart and Ravonna was good at putting things in the right light.

We decided to create Timekeepers when we were fourteen years old. We wanted to sell quality luxury watches that everyone could afford.

A dream of two orphans.

We promised ourselves that when we would be rich we would buy the house on the hill.

But Ravonna lost sight of our dreams and always wanted more. More money, more fame.

Mass production, overpriced watches, I had no pleasure in creating anymore.

Every meeting became a war zone.

Someone had to surrender. I did.  I quit. Without notice.

That's when I started Miss Minutes, my little store and got back to my roots.

Mobius must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, he was aching from his position in the chair.

Seeing that Ravonna was still asleep, he went to the hospital cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, and when he came back up fifteen minutes later, he saw Dr. Cho.

"Ah, Mr. Mobius, we just reviewed her results with Mrs. Renslayer. Unfortunately, she has forbidden me to talk to you about them and does not want you to visit her anymore."

Mobius was hurt of course, but not surprised either, given their tense relationship.

Dr. Cho, however, took pity on him. "I can't go into detail, but regrettably, you'll have to prepare for the worst."

Mobius' heart leapt in his chest and with a tight throat, he asked, "How long?"

Dr; Cho put her hand on his shoulder and said, " At any moment. I'm sorry."

Mobius left the hospital in a daze and drove to the house on the cliff. As soon as he arrived, he fed Croki, sat down in his chair and continued the letter to Loki. At this time, it was his only source of comfort.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, in casual attire with Croki by his side, was sitting on his couch reading the letter from Mobius. He was very moved by the way Mobius opened up to him.

His heart cried at the sadness he felt in the letter. Obviously Ravonna was someone dear to his heart.

Once again, Loki was frustrated by the barrier of years between them. He wanted so much to be with Mobius, to support him. He sighed as he continued to read the letter.

I don't know what I expected.

Part of me thought that given her condition, I would get more than a "She doesn't want to see you anymore."

But of course, that's not how things work. When I left TK, I rejected everything she stood for.

That's how she saw it.

I think the fact that I bought the house cemented our disagreement for her and it's too late to change things now.

One thing is for sure: if I was really hoping for a tearful little bedside meeting, I'm as stupid as she thinks I am.

Well, good. I seem to have poured my little heart out here. I'm sorry.

Thanks for reading.

I want to tell you things I've never told anyone.

Things I didn't know myself until I wrote them down to send to you.

Maybe that's the strangest part of it all.

Love, Mobius.

Loki lingered on this letter, and especially on the last word, "LOVE". He patted Croki's head, thoughtful.

He had so many questions.

Love, Mobius.

Was it casual? Mobius was the kind of person who knew exactly what he was saying. Every word was important.

So the next question was, did Loki feel the same way?

Loki didn't need to reflect, he knew what he felt.

The question that remained was, did they have a future...?

Mobius' house - 2019

Croki trotted over to Mobius' bed. Mobius was lying down, unable to sleep, but it was too early to get up. He felt like picking up the phone but resisted.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki couldn't sleep anymore, something was disturbing him since he had read Mobius' letter.

He got up and went to his computer, he had to check one thing about Ravonna Renslayer.

Two minutes later he rushed out of his apartment and drove to the house on the cliff.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius après s’être préparé pour aller au travail, sortit de sa maison et se dirigea vers son pickup.

Mobius House - 2021

Loki braked hard and ran to the mailbox. He put a piece of paper in it and raised the flag with a sudden movement.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius drove away from the house without seeing the flag that was rising behind him. A few minutes later, his phone on the passenger seat began to ring.

Glancing down, he saw that it was Dr. Cho.

He pulled over to the side of the road and with a lump in his throat, took the call.

"Yes?"

-Mr. Mobius, this is Dr. Cho. I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you.

A few minutes later, in a daze, he parked in front of his house. On his way to his house. He saw that the flag was up.

He opened it, took the note, read it and then let his arm fall back, the paper flew away before landing further.

You need to go back to the hospital right away! Ravonna Renslayer died on-

A few days later, Mobius sat in the back of the church while the pastor preached to a crowd that Mobius knew was there more for Ravonna's fame than for their connection to her.

He didn't listen to the sermon and, clutching Loki's last letter in his pocket, he thought about what he had written.

Mobius, I'm so sorry about Ravonna.

Even though every pain is different, I know what it's like to lose the little family we have left.

I knew I had to at least try to warn you. I thought I could do it in time.

I hoped we could change what happened. I was wrong.

I guess these things can't be changed.

What I do know is that the shock is still fresh for me, even though it happened two years ago, so I can't imagine what it's like for you.

These things just happen...sometimes. I know.

Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.

I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.

And something happened. I won't bore you with the details now, but it was hard. Not like what you're going through, but it bothered me a lot.

And a friend gave me some good advice.

She told me to go to a place that would bring me peace.

That's what I did. I drove to the house on the cliff.

And that was the day I got your first letter.

It's a place we both love, a place that has a huge meaning for both of us, I hope you can find some solace there.

And I hope that what has kept you and Ravonna apart will eventually seem less important, and perhaps, in time, disappear.

YOURS, Loki.

Loki's words echoing in his head, Mobius was anxious to get to the house, to seek and perhaps find the solace that Loki spoke of.

When he arrived, he saw the flag raised. He opened the box, and took out not a note, but a book.

When he turned it over, his heart stopped for a moment.

For all times - Always by R.RENSLAYER

He returned home and sitting down in his chair, he opened it and saw first a small note from Loki's hand.

The book won't be published for a year.

or two, so don't show it to anyone. But I thought you should see it.

He turned the first page and could not stop the tears from flowing.

To Mobius

This is the story of a dream.

The story of a brother and sister bound by an ideal

But like all true stories, it doesn't always end well.

They chose a different path.

They drifted apart and never found each other again.

But without the presence of one in the life of the other, neither of them would have become what they are.

A story of two lives, a story of two successes, a story of two paths.

Underneath was a photo, Ravonna and him in front of the house on the cliff.

He continued to flip through the book, his eyes blurry with tears, and felt as if he was going through pieces of his life.

Pictures of TK's creation, of Mobius' workshop, of their first offices.

The day of the first opening.

Then the various collections of watches over the years, from the first one designed by Mobius to the latest luxury watches. Created after his departure.

Pictures of the rise of TK.

Photos taken after Mobius' time.

Until the last photo.

It was the front of Miss Minutes, of his shop.

A single sentence underneath.

We have taken different paths, our views have drifted apart, but you will always be my brother. For All time. Always.

Mobius wept for a long time over Ravonna, over the lost years, over what could have been. Then when the tears had dried, he closed the book and placed it neatly on the shelf. His hand lingered on the title for a moment.

Then, looking determined, he took his old sketchbook, sat outside the house and began to draw.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, looking bewildered, was contemplating a sketch of the house on the hill.

At the bottom of the house, written in charcoal, it read:

I WANT TO MEET YOU!

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

_______

As a reader, I hate cliffhangers... I apologize in advance for being so cruel, I hope you will forgive me 😭

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

[frogtanii]

tw.

the new chapter was really amazing. as I'm writing this, it was just a few minutes ago when I read it. first, this hit close to home, i know some readers feel the same way too, cuz what y/n is feeling right now is the same way I'm feeling, drained, tired, tense, anxious. i just had my 3rd anxiety attack today. reading those tiny letters somehow put my heart at ease, i know it is only make believe but I'll take what i can get. second, the story is slowly unfolding, we're gonna cross some bumpy roads and I'm in for it. i feel so stupid typing this while tearing up lol.

i don't know what to say anymore but if y'all think there's something wrong with you, walking on egg shells, suddenly feeling jittery or somehow ur normal routine isn't same anymore, ask urself and get help, if needed. it's a serious matter, small ripple matters.

ahhh. this is getting long and sappy but i hope everyone is doing amazing. take care of yourselves, mentally, spiritually and physically. author-chan, thank you for this meaningful chapter. this somehow calmed my heart, a little bit and the breath of relief makes me believe that someday it'll be better. @noya-sleftankle , again kudos to you, sending love and blessings your way. take care, my friend and keep inspiring ♡

-swaggy anon

m so sorry you’ve been going through that :( i’m glad o was able to soothe you somehow — m always here to talk to if you or anyone else need it!!! i wholeheartedly agree, take care of yourselves in every aspect <333 love u lots babes ;)

[93byoon]

Full translation of Namjoon's letter on Weverse

🐨: “Is everyone alright? Long writing (writing text) gets harder and harder, but if you don't write for a long time (practice), you'll forget how to write, so I'll share/start in a moment. I still don't know how (the way) to convert / deliver these thoughts that are floating around in my head here and there (in text). But the thought of hope that everyone I love and who loves us will be at peace for a long time hasn't changed a bit. I've also been looking (have been looking) for stability and peace for a long time but I can't seem to erase the thought in my head that people, maybe even me, want some kind of drama. This is like a strange disease where if I get stability/calm I start to get

anxious. A lot of things have changed/a lot of time has passed and things have changed after I came (moved) to Seoul when I was 17, but looking back as I walk, it gives me a weird thought/feeling that nothing has really changed. In the end, I'm only 28 years old And it seems like it's going to take an innumerable/countless amount of time before I become as strong (mentally strong/stable) as I inspire/hope to become. I started writing in my journal again recently, and to be honest I'm writing here because I didn't feel like holding a pen today so I'm putting/posting here.

From the cafe posts in the past, from beginning to end, because all my words The same expression. I love you so much and think about it from time to time (all the time).

The winter that used to come abruptly and scare, is now a good time to get away and take a walk. Let's meet soon, anywhere, when the wind (temperature) becomes warmer. I will continue to make music like I always have, remember my body and mind every day, and just wait. hehe

I miss you!

[mychibichin]

2022 self

storytime(?):

hey, what's up? it's currently 4AM right now hahaha and i'm bored. there's a lot of things going on right now to be honest. first, i'm stuck at home for almost 2 months now because of the ongoing pandemic. this caused my graduation and summer plans to be postponed. everything is in chaos. a lot of people are dying. i can't visit my family and friends, and it's makes me anxious all the time. aside from the fact that i'm bored 24/7, i'm also sad. i've failed my past self if i have to be honest. what i am now is not what my 2016 expected me to be. i've been living in constant sadness. my demons won't leave me alone and such. in spite of that, i have aljhun with me. i couldn't be more grateful for him. i hope that you're still together when you read this. and if not, maybe there's a reason for that. it's probably my fault because i'm a personification of the labyrinth.

4 years ago, i wish for myself to be happy. and i still do. how's college by the way? hahaha what course are you studying? where are you studying? did you stay in your hometown? or have you gone somewhere? did you regret your decision? i hope you're happy with your decision because right now, i'm confused and undecided and pressured and anxious all at once. it seems like everyone has it all planned out and i'm just here. it's not that big of a deal but it's just pressuring me. everything is just happening so fast. it feels like yesterday i was just preparing for my first day in 7th grade and now i'll be going to college in a few months. it's too much for me.

i just want to be happy and i hope that i am happy. scratch that, i am happy— i just wish that i was more happy than sad you know? i don't know why i'm like this. it's like being cagrd or something.

to answer one of my past self's question; yes i did i have friends. but not all of them stayed. one of them betrayed us and honestly i haven't gotten over it yet. 4 years ago when i wrote that previous letter my parents were still together. they had their constant fights, like always but they were together. unlike now. they're definitely done for good. it's a bittersweet thing. 4 years ago i have suffered but i learned a lot of lessons and it made me happy. 4 years ago i was an insecure little girl who cares too much about what other people think of her. 4 years ago i wanted to become a lawyer but now i decided i want to be a doctor. and that's the thing. things change. so 2 years from now, what are the things that have changed? was it good? was it bad? did i keep contact with my friends? how's my family? have my siblings matured? how is papa? how are my grandparents? and most especially, how am i?

i want this letter to be as positive as ever like my last one. but—there's always a but—it doesn't seem like it. it's hard to spread positivity and motivation when i'm in this state right now. i feel like crying but i don't know the absolute reason why.

message to my future self:

one thing's for sure: i want you to be happy. truly happy. with what you do and with who you are with. i wish you that you won't be as anxious as i am right now. my anxiousness won't let me sleep or act right during the day. nevertheless, be strong as what i have said before. it can be hard sometimes hahaha but keep looking forward to everything. don't let anything keep you down especially your insecurities. surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and safe. the grass will always be greener on the other side but it doesn't matter. create your own garden and beautiful flowers will blossom. i love you so much and i hope that this it would make a great impact in the phase of your life right now. i know you have phobia of stairs but you gotta climb 'em up baby.

you might cringe because i have a poor organization in writing but nonetheless i hope that you appreciate this. last thing, i love you so much. please take care of yourself. you've got dreams to achieve.