#i'll say it. they should have fucked here.

[thingsidrawgohere]

Alright. I'm calling it done before it kills me. This is Second Head. It's an Art Book containing instances of the phrase "second head" in fanfics found on AO3. I'll explain much, MUCH more in the cut.

So when I say 'art book', I mean this is an intrinsic piece. I have no motivations aside from personal amusement and interest in outcome. A lot of money was lost/transmuted into free frustration in this project and I have no claims, obviously. I will prolly be the only person alive to read this.

THAT SAID. I have noticed in my years reading fanfic, there's a few linguistic shibboleths that arise in authors who also have experience in the mines. I think there's not a soul alive who hadn't wandered across a 'ministrations' when reading Narutos oral sexing. There's- Hold on. Here's some pix.

There's an impulse, I think, to in-group even when performing a creative act. A feeling that there are certain ways one Should go about the act, by virtue of seeing it performed that way. Especially so when 'training' at the act is often just Doing. Double Dog Especially when the act is exclusively for oneself with very little oversight. Which is to say, we make what we see and we make what we think we should make. At least, at first.

Now, I've been noticing 'grew a second head' (to insinuate surprise) in fanfic for some time. I've never seen it used Outside of fanfic. That may speak to my own bad habits but it got me curious. So a friend and myself downloaded a mirror of AO3 from July of 2024. He did some code- Stuff to scan the mirror for "second head" and of the ~13 million works, ~70k (English) results were returned. That's a rounding error, honestly, but Far FAR more than I expected.

This book is 401 such examples that I personally selected for a variety of reasons. The number itself was arbitrarily chosen. Each page is separate fic, the roughly 300 words around our key phrase.

I don't think repetition or mirroring is a negative thing. I think it's quite charming. Nor do I think it's a sign of a 'bad' artist or 'bad' art. I think it's a signifier of personhood, of belonging, of enthusiasm. Of culture shared and wishing to share. I think it's real sweet. I always smile when I catch a 'grown a second head' in a work.

And it's really fucking funny when it's John Sherlock getting a sloppy toppy. Bless.

Edit: Fixed a very VERY funny error.

[everythingspokenfor]

Part 2

─ ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ─

You were in the middle of packing, taking photos off the walls and putting them away in boxes, piles of clothes littered on the floor based on whether you were taking them or donating.

"Didn't realise we weren't close enough, eh?" Bakugou said, arms crossed leaning against the wall of your room.

Startled you looked at him clutching the photos close to your chest."Knock at least Katsuki, you scared the shit out of me." You grumbled as you regained composure and turned back to the task at hand. Partially to get it done, mostly to avoid Bakugou's gaze while you had this unavoidable confrontation.

You should have told him you were moving out, it was a rational thing, you were friends infact best friends, had seen each other at worst, dealt with it too. Should have had an adult conversation about it. But what would have you said "Hey! Katsuki I am moving out because I am in love with you but you have a girlfriend and the sole thought of her makes me sick" yeah not a good argument or maybe evening worst you would just end up crying sobbing pathetically while pointing out you were there for him more but that's not how it works, you suppose. He deserves happiness, and you are glad he found it. You just wanted to find yours too.

"Haruki, your assistant, let it slip that you are moving", Bakugou snarled, nostrils flaring, fists tightening, tell-tale signs that he is not mad but disheartened.

"I was going to tell you", you defended, turning to face him.

"When? huh, when were you going to tell me?", He hissed "When everything was packed, and you had to bid farewell like some sort of formality?", He continued ,moving towards you, for the first time locking eyes and seeing the red-rimmed, swollen eyes your cheeks were sunken too. "What happened, peanut?", He questioned, pulling the photos from your hand and setting the to the side. "Did I do something? I'll fix it, fucks sake talk to me, tell what was it that made you run I'll fix it", He cupped your face and made you look at him.

"I don't think you can fix this one, Suki", you murmured, voice almost catching in your throat because you'll lose him, you'll lose his friendship. For a moment you wished you weren't in love with him, that you could be normal around him, could be a part of his life, let him be a part of yours. But, you had to fall in love with him, ruin whatever ever you had.

"This new apartment is closer to my agency, plus how long do we go about living here, Suki?", you said before woefully pulling yourself away from him, choosing to pack up remaining of things.

"You should have said something, I deserve to at least know, you know? I go to work and your assistant, fucking Haruki, is looking for couches for you.", He said bitterly,"He knew, he was informed, he was fucking involved, and I wasn't, aren't we close? is that fucker closer to you, huh tell me?" He gritted out.

"If you were any less busy with your fucking girlfriend, then maybe you would have helped me," you yelled, words almost getting clogged in your throat, anger finally taking over.

Both of you stare wide eyed at each other, truth finally out, you behaviour making sense to Bakugou, you can see the wheels turning in his head.

He moved closer to you, reaching out, but you pull away like it burns because if you were being honest it does, Bakugou winces at you withdrawal. Your anger, your distance, you silence making sense you heart finally bared open in front of him.

"If you can't tell me what I want to hear then you shouldn't say anything",you croaked, knowing that you are being selfish,"I want a confession Suki and not consolation", you finalized.

Bakugou looked at you before he left the room, perhaps you already knew his decision but that didn't make your heart hurt any less.

─ ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ─

[jayparked]

85 and 92 with jake pleasseeeee 😩😩

loud moans push past your lips despite how hard you try to suppress them. you hate being in this position, hate how easily he gets you here, and hate how much you like it. the only good thing about jake sim is that he was somehow blessed by the finger banging sex gods. the way his digits piston in and out of your aching cunt has your thighs shaking, hands grasping onto him for some sort of leverage. it pisses you off that you even have to hold onto him, or look at him for that matter. but dammit he just makes you feel so, so good.

"try not to be so noisy, yeah?" chuckles jake, a little too smugly.

"shut up, jake. we agreed no talking," you bite back.

he leans closer to you, lips brushing against your ear as he drops his voice down to a coy, sultry murmur, "aw, c'mon. you don't want me to whisper sweet nothings in your ear while you get off on my fingers?"

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. that should not turn you on more. that should not have you shutting your eyes tight to avoid them from rolling back. which you're able to resist from doing. every part of your body is under your control. that is, except where it matters most.

"oh, baby look at you clenching around me. you like that? do you like the sound of my voice?"

"shut. up." you say through gritted teeth. you're half tempted to knee him in the dick. but that would mean acknowledging the very obvious tent he's sporting and if you think about that- fuck. you're already thinking about it. how girthy he is, the way you can feel his veins against your walls as he pushes his mushroom tip to the deepest parts of yourself

"c'mon, sweetheart. drop the spiteful act just this once. you can pretend we're not enemies just this once, can't you? for me?"

you consider it for a moment. just a moment.

"nice try but i'm not falling for it. just hurry up and make me come so we can go our separate ways like always."

your eyebrows furrow together as jake pouts, fingers slowing to a stop inside of you.

accepting that things are ending here, you grab your bag and pull your pants back up to your hips, swallowing how annoyed you are as you walk away from him.

"wait! y/n!" jake runs after you and grabs your arm, turning you back to face him.

"get used to the view, sim. i look best when i'm walking away from you.

"actually, i think you'd look even better under me. please let me properly fuck you. i'll show you i'm not a waste of time."

"if that's what it takes to get you to stop begging." you laugh softly, trying hard to ignore the feelings of endearment and flattery that are bubbling up to your chest.

"oh baby i'll beg for you all day if that's what you like. just say the words i'll be on my knees." and without hesitating, jake is on his knees, hands clasped together and shaking back and forth. those puppy eyes are impossible to resist, you can't deny it. so you laugh nervously instead, looking around you to make sure no one is seeing this pathetic sight.

"what happened to being enemies?" you say with a smile you just can't mask.

jake gets to his feet, brushing his hands on his clothes before looking at you with a wide, dorky smile.

"i'd like to skip to the lovers part. if that's okay with you."

for part of my 1k follower celebration send me a member and a number from this list and i'll write a short drabble about it ♡ masterlist

[shapelytimber]

Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less

[COMMISSIONS]

Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv

I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc

ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)

gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)

KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)

sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(

EVA KANT (Diabolik)

Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)

UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)

Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much

KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)

Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it

DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)

*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections

And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...

PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !

[v3lv3tsin]

bad time, good time: nishimura riki

| pairning: nishimura riki x reader

I genre: fashionmajor!niki, lawmajor!reader

I warnings: no warnings <3

I word count: 1.5k

I stefy's note: i know i should be focusing on the jungwon series but i suddenly got this idea at 3 am (i mean who isn't obsessed with korean convenience stores now lol), so enjoy :)

[ BACK TO MASTERLIST ]

"Towards the middle of the thirteenth century inquisitorial procedure..." You felt your eyes glaze over the page once again, trying to focus on the words once again. Finally checking the clock on the wall opposite to your desk on the right side, to your surprise it showed 2 am. 

No wonder why you felt tired in the first place. You've been studying and writing assignments ever since you woke up. Exams were coming soon so you couldn't and shouldn't be waisiting any time. Getting you out of your thoughts was the sound of your stomach rumbling which reminded you of your hunger. 

Shit. Yeah. Maybe some snacks and ramen would help. 

That's how you found yourself looking at the ramen isle in the small convenience not sure what kind of buldak ramen to have for dinner. Holding tightly onto the plastic glass cup filled with ice and the grape ade plastic bag you tiptoed hoping to reach the top shelf. You couldn't reach the one you wanted, before an arm extended from behind you and grabbed the ramen cup for you. 

"Here!" Niki said, handing the ramen to you. Turning around to take the cup ramen from his hand you're met with a pair of brown eyes. The mysterious man was tall from what you could grasp. 

Not wanting to stare for longer than expected, you answer. "Thanks." Pausing for a moment, you continue on the same surpirsed tone not expecting him to help you. "You didn't have to." Taking the cup ramen from his  hand you take another look at him. 

"Carbonara, huh?" Niki asked with a small grin on his face as he looks at the floor, then at your choice of noddles for dinner. It shouldn't be a surprise that you would choose the carbonara noodles since they're the best. Of course. 

Seeing your confused face he decides to tease you. "You might need some cheese for that." Niki points at the sides isle hoping to make you understand what he meant in the first place.  

"Yeah." You answer realizing that you forgot to get some cheese as buldak noodles are always better with a bit of cheese. Pausing to somehow manage to explain yourself you continue on the same confessing tone. "I totally forgot."

"I'm Niki, by the way." Niki says finally introducing himself, thinking it was high time he does so since you have been talking for some time now. 

Extending his hand you take it hesitantly before introducing yourself to him. "Y/N." Shaking his hand you give him a shy smile before turning to leave and get the cheese you talked about until then. 

"I guess i'll see you around." Niki adds seeing that you looked almost rushed to be anywhere but here. It was clear that he wanted to continue talking to you, but that was not the case for you. 

Or so he thought.

Laying down onto the bed tiredly you open the history book to get back to reading you think to yourself. "Niki." Taking a bite from the noodles followed by a sip of the grape ade you bought moments ago you decide to check his instagram, hoping to at least to find some more information about him. To say the least, you were curious.

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|  INSTAGRAM POST - NOV 15th.

niki_kikiki

Liked by wonkiten, byfsjy and 500 others

niki_kikiki ⏱️👔

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wonkiten he's not a baby mandu anymore

icehoon where's my credit

user01 THE SECOND PICTURE?! OMGG NI-KII 😫

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What the actual fuck? How does he look so handsome? And in a suit also. What's his major? 

Taking another bite from the noodles as you decide to check another photo from his instagram hoping to see him in a different outfit and a hint probably of his major. That's when you clicked on the most recent photo that he had posted only to see that it was posted 5 hours ago. 

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

|  INSTAGRAM POST - 5 hours ago. 

niki_kikiki

Liked by icehoon, catseong and 1000 others

niki_kikiki 🪩

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catseong coolest dude i'm so serious

byfsjy WOAHH OKAYY BUDDY OKAY

user02 THE THIRD PICTURE HELLO!?!!!?

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As you were just about to take a sip of the grape ade you boughts hours ago seeing those pictures definetly shocked you. He looked so good. So hot.

Finally finishing your meal after taking one last look at Nikis instagram photos you get the history book that has been onto the bed the whole time. Looking over the pages trying to get back to reading the last word you remember is "Inquisition" before darkness steals your vision living you blind.

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Days later you found yourself in the same convenience store looking at the same ramen isle trying to choose what to have for dinner. Shaking you off your thoughts, as you were about to reach for your usual carbonara buldak noodles is a deep voice, almost familiar. Behind you. 

Putting his hand against the metalic shelf, consequently trapping you between his body and the isle. "I didn't think i would see you again." Niki confesses in a low voice. 

Turning around to be met with the same dark brown eyes from two days ago as you slightly blushed. Tilting your head you look at him confused for a second as you didn't expect to see him either. Especially not at this hour. "Well i'm here."  You answer him not knowing exactly what to say. 

Coming closer with his body to yours, Niki extends his hand to take two carbonara buldak noodles cups. He was close. Too close. Taking both of the noddle cups into his hand and holding them into his hand Niki finally answers you. "I was thinking..." Pausing for a second to rub the back of his neck as he looked down onto the floor he continues in a low voice. "Maybe we could eat together here."

Holding onto the plastic cup filled with ice and this time, a peach ice tea you looked at him and then onto the floor blushing. One thing was for sure, that you didn't expect to hear him say that. Before you could answer him or at least let him know what you felt about this idea his deep voice interrupts you. 

"Here...I meant anywhere, not only here." Niki explains himself to you, hoping also for a positive answer. "We could eat somewhere else." Niki adds as he continues to explain himself to you. Giving you more ideas to where you two could eat together.

"I would love to" You answer him as you come closer hoping to calm him down as you could see that he wanted to continue talking. Looking at what he was holding into his hand you then decide to ask him in a teasing voice wanting to have less tension between the two of you. "Are you only getting ramen?"

"No, of course not." Niki answers before turning around to get a plastic cup filled with ice from the freezer only to be followed by you on his way. While you were walking to the freezer a jeonju bibimbap triangle kimbap caught your eye so you decide to take it. Turning around Niki eyes you before taking the plastic cup and his drink of choice, a caramel ice americano.

"Since we're eating together i was wondering maybe we could get some snacks." He suggests on a shy tone wanting to spend more time with you as the last time he wasn't able to. He wanted to get to know you.

Nodding you follow him to the chips isle where you took different kinds, some that you have tried before, some that you haven't. Laughing about your height was also Niki as most of the times you couldn't reach the top shelf. Finally reaching the register with the basket full of things you and Niki both wanted to try, when you wanted to pay he didn't let you, with the excuse that "it's on him."

It's not a date,right? It's a date. Is it?

Was all you could think of when he decided to pay for the food. Sitting down at the table at the convenience store as it started raining only yours and his laughs could be heard. Niki would mostly tease you about your snack choices or even the simple fact of what games you play.

Your prediction from days was true, he was in fact a fashion major. No surprise there. Niki would talk about how much he loves it because he is able to express himself. Later in the evening you found yourselves walking on the way to your apartment as he especially mentioned that "a girl shouldn't go alone so late at night."

Before entering the apartment, without any warning, you come closer to Niki with the original intent of kissing his cheek and saying "thanks a lot for the night." But he had other plans. That's when you could feel his lips on yours. You on your tiptoes having to reach his height as you wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him closer.

"Wow." Taking a deep breath after he pulled away that's all he could say. "I...." Pausing for a second he rubbs the back of his neck while looking at you before continuing. "I guess i'll see you around."

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Days later you get a notification of a post you have been tagged on. Opening your phone, while in the middle of the contract law lecture you're surprised to see a photo of Niki and you, along with two other pictures of him with the outfit he wore that night. You didn't expect that, so it surely surprised you.

It was cute. He was cute.

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|  INSTAGRAM POST - NOV 20th.

niki_kikiki

Liked by yourusername, 01boy and 2000 others

niki_kikiki 🌃

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yourusername <3

01boy broo that's why you missed game night

ppysnoo cuties

user03 and now he has a girlfriend

USERNAMES GUIDE:

1. niki_kikiki = niki

2. wonkiten = jungwon 

3. catseong = jay 

4. icehoon = sunghoon 

5. byfsjy = jake 

6. 01boy = heeseung 

7. ppysnoo = sunoo

© V3LV3TSIN — do not translate, plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own.

[cadaveerie]

cw: transphobia

i'll paste here a message i left in a certain community and add sth else, as i keep finding stuff like this:

i know a lot of us are critical of datv (in a lot of cases for good reason. and with nothing else behind it), but i think that if u have an ounce of respect for trans and nb ppl you should rly stop recommending videos in which, for example, a person not only misgenders a nb character and their creator who both go by they/them pronouns, but also rants about how ppl going by they/them pronouns are mentally ill. i dont give a shit about how "he makes a few good points", have some decency. it's incredible how little backbone some of you have, and that ppl think this is acceptable. if you want to get a point across, you can write it yourself. it's fucking pathetic that i even have to fucking say this. get a grip and have some principles. so much for progressive people, i feel so safe and welcomed right now.

this post was initially bc i saw this in a specific datv critical community, but i just saw a transphobic post in the general datv critical hashtag. it's unacceptable to misgender both a real person and a character that goes by they/them on purpose. there's literally no excuse for this, you're transphobic.

*please*, if you care about trans people, call this shit out. im not telling you to do posts "exposing" others, but to let them know that this is dehumanizing and unacceptable.. unless that's gonna help their algorithm, in which case... i'm not sure what's best at this point. probably not worth it to send comments at least. perhaps in some cases these comments might come from a good place (even if a lot of transphobes also pretend to be trans/lgbtq allies to avoid getting banned while openly displaying extremely bigoted views, so be aware of that.. but in the rare case they come from a good place, it might at least help people realize their mistakes. in a lot of situations im not sure of what the best reaction is, but i just hope you don't accept this behavior in smaller communities. please do not normalize this, these are extremely hard times for trans people and most of us are in distress.

[beef-brisket]

Adam looked around while Lucifer bounced Avery on his knee.

Adam: So. Redemption, huh? It's uh... interesting idea.

Charlie beamed: Really!? I mean- yes. Very interesting. There's a lot of planning that has gone into everything.

Adam glances over to the bar: Yeeah, I can tell.

He wanted to tell the princess that she's wasting her time, but he really didn't feel like getting into an argument.

The fuck is happening to him? He loves starting fights.

Fuck it.

Adam: You know it's bullshit, right?

Charlie: B-Bullshit?

Lucifer glances over to them.

Lucifer: You should hear her out, Adam. She's done a lot of work.

Adam: Oh sure. This place is huge and everything but how many guests do you have?

Charlie gulped: Two-. But that's okay! Their doing great! They have weekly sessions-.

Adam: That's cute. How many have you redeemed?

Everyone was silent, even Avery.

Adam: ...You don't know oooor none?

Charlie looks away: none.

Adam: Hm. Interesting but not impressive.

Vaggie: Look, fucker. She's worked hard on this place and these sinners that are here! You can just shit on her idea!

Adam: Oh, consider ot well shited on, Vagina~.

Charlie glanced at Vaggie, did Adam know her?

Adam: It's just- I mean fuck. Look at it! Do you really think Heaven is going to let in sinners just because they know how to not be a piece of shit 24/7?

Vaggie glared: They let you in.

Adam smiled: Yeah, they did.

Vaggie storms up to him: Listen here, first prick. You can't just come in here like you fucking own the place and tell the PRINCESS of Hell that her dream isn't going to work!

Adam smiled wider as Vaggie went off on him. Fuck he missed this.

Adam: Oh, I can't? Well, I am technically a representative of Heaven, I've been there for nearly 10,000 years, bitch. It's my fucking job to protect every soul up there from the scum down here. So, why would I just bend over and let your little princess ass fuck me into letting sinners upstairs, huh?

Vaggies eye twitched: thatsnotwhatshesdoing.

Adam: Isn't it? Yo, Chandler, do you know what you need to do to pass divine judgment?

Charlie: Uh- I-It's Charlie- hi! Actually... I do!

Adam: Really? Well, you'd be athe only one, toots~. So, wanna enlighten us?

Charlie: ...Wait- no one knows?

Adam smiled: One person knows!

Charlie: Oh- who?

Adam: You. You just said you knew. Unless you were lying-.

Adam gasps: Which is a big no-no! So. Either you know what a soul needs to pass divine judgment oooor you don't. Which is it?

Charlie: ...I don't know.

Adam: There we go.

Charlie: Look- everyone deserves a second chance, right? If this is a long-term solution for stopping the exterminations, then shouldn't we all be doing our part?

Adam: Ha! Fuck no!

Avery: no!

Adam: That's my girl~. How about this, if you can answer this question for me, I'll support your hotel.

Charlie beams again: Okay! What is it?

Adam: What sinners don't qualify for your hotel?

Charlie: ...They all qualify- everyone deserves a second chance.

Adam: Oh yeah? Do you know what some of these assholes down here have done? Do serial killers deserve to go to Heaven? Do their victims deserve to live out their afterlife in fear because the cunt that fucking butchered them are now in Heaven?

Charlie: I... e-everyone deserves a second-.

Adam: Want to say something else? Something that's meaningful? Not everyone deserves a second chance, Channing. Some deserve to rot down here, and if I'm lucky, I get to shove my axe into their chest once a year. So, I'll give you one last chance. What sinners don't qualify for your hotel?

What about an au where Adam goes to Hell for night trips, wher ehe just parties and fucks. He has a disguise (it's just a slightly different looking helmet).

Lucifer joins his daughter and her friends at a bar, where he sees "Adam". He instantly knows it's him, but he's curious as to what he's doing.

So Lucifer spends hours flitting with him and buying him drinks to get him drunk. But Lucifer actually finds himself having a great time.

Long story short- they fuck, Adam doesn't let Lucifer know he's Adam. He goes back to Heaven and after a few months, he finds out he's pregnant.

Which is fucking weird cause he's definitely a dude, and he's very dead. But Lucifer's the Devil 🤷.

He basically has to play it off as him getting fat. It's working until the next meeting with Lucifer happens during his ninth month, and he's goes into labor right in front of Lucifer.

Lucifer: Why didn't you tell me your were fucking pregnant!?

Adam: Because you didn't know it was me!!

Lucifer: Yes I did! You have the same face!

Adam: ..... Oh..

[brotherwtf]

..... hey guys

----

Blood can sometimes smell sweet, a mixture of oxygen and iron reacting to make it almost a tangy, citrusy smell, thick like syrup when it spills.

It spills thick and sweet onto Gale's hands, now, spilling from a wound on John's neck, one that was entirely Gale's fault. He shouldn't have run, he should have stayed, he shouldn't have he shouldn't have.

John's making a horrible choking sound, a hand around Gale's wrist as he tries to stop the blood gushing from the slice. His eyes are frantic, the lower half of his face slick and red as he pants, each breath pushing more blood onto Gale's hands.

"Fuck!! Fuck John come on, come on I'm sorry.... I'm so fucking sorry, come on breathe for me," Gale whispers, fingertips shaking as he searches frantically for something to patch up the wound, to stop John from bleeding out beneath him.

The kraut who sliced John's neck stands above them now, the offending blade dripping onto the cold ground beneath them. Gale's vision is white with rage as his ugly face splits into a grin.

"Get out of here! Fuck you, get the FUCK OUT OF HERE..." Gale shouts, but his words are drowned out by more shouting coming from their right.

The kraut is distracted and turns towards the noise and Gale turns his attention back to John, his grip on Gale's wrist weakening.

"Buck.. hey Buck, I'm okay.. I'm okay, you need to get out of here," John says and his voice is so weak Gale could sob and he shakes his head almost violently.

"I ain't fucking leaving you... not like this, we're so fucking close John, come on I need you to breathe for me," Gale says and it's so desperate it's almost pathetic.

John weakly brings his hand up to Gale's face, the one around Gales wrist, cupping his cheek and running his thumb across Gale's cheekbone. It's sticky from the blood covering Johns hand, and Gale tries not to wish that his blood would seep into his bloodstream so John could stay with him forever.

"Nah... Gale I'll be okay... you need to get home to Marge, I need you to get home..." John says and his voice trembles.

Gale shakes his head violently again, taking his hand and putting it back on the wound which has now started to spurt onto John's jacket.

"No... no... I need you to come back with me... I need you John, I can't do this without you..." Gale pleads and John smiles weakly at him.

"You won't have to, doll. I'll be with you forever, believe me, I ain't gonna leave your side you just have to believe me," John says.

John takes Gale's shaky hand and brings it up to his lips, pressing a small kiss to the back of Gales blood soaked hand. Gale shakes, tears threatening to spill over his eyes.

"John..." Gale tries to plead but John's breaths have become ragged, blood bubbling on John's lips as he takes his dying breaths.

Gale shakes his head, pleading nonsensically for John to stay alive, to stay with him... but it's too late. John was gone, and Gale couldn't do anything to save him.

[m-jelly]

His shirts

Mafia dad Levi x fem reader

It'd been a long few days for Levi and being away from his family was something he hated, but sometimes he had to go away with Erwin and a few others to do business in another country. Normally, Levi would take you and his daughter along with him to enjoy a foreign country, but it was too dangerous this time. So, you, his goddess of a wife and precious little baby girl were left at home with his mum helping out.

With arms full of presents and a smile on his face, Levi strolled from his car to his home on the hill with glorious views of the city and sea with mountains behind. It made him smile that as a couple you'd gone from a tiny apartment to this large house. The two of you had worked so hard together.

He pushed open the front door and slipped his shoes and coat off. He slowly made his way into the large living room to see the sunken sofa and sitting area in front of the TV was occupied by you and his three-year-old daughter.

Levi's heart skipped a beat when he heard you giggle at your daughter. He blushed at seeing you and his daughter in shirts of his. He moved closer until he was close to the steps down to the sofa area. Levi's feelings and emotions kept changing. He was aroused by you being in just his shirt and thigh-high socks with your thick thighs he loved biting on show. He felt like he could just melt into a gooey mess at seeing his daughter in his shirt that was too big for her.

Daisy stomped her little feet up to her bear and picked it up into the air. "Sleep with the fishy!" She then threw the bear down to the ground. "Bye-bye." She huffed before looking up and noticing Levi. Daisy's face lit up in pure delight. "DADDY!"

You flinched and turned your head to see Levi. "Hey, grumpy kitty. Welcome home."

Daisy ran over to him with her arms open. "Daddy!"

Levi placed the gifts down before scooping his daughter up into his arms. "Hello, my cute little flower. Have you been good for your mummy?"

She nodded. "Yes! We played, we cuddled and mummy told me so many stories."

"Sounds like a lot of fun." He walked down the steps and sat on the sofa next to you, you were clearly buzzing with excitement at seeing him but you were happily waiting. "I'm glad."

"I slept in Daddy's bed."

"You did? Were you keeping mummy company?"

She nodded. "Yes."

He pocked her cheek. "Thank you." He kissed her puffy cheek. "So, what was this sleeping with the fishy?"

She grinned. "You say it!"

He released a long sigh. "You're right..." He placed her down on her feet. "I have a few presents for you." He leaned over and grabbed the ones for her. "Go sit with your teddy and take your time with them, okay? I have a very beautiful mummy to kiss."

Daisy hugged her gifts as she giggled. "Thank you, daddy. Give mummy lots and lots and lots of kisses!"

He watched her run off before slowly turning to you. He shifted closer as excitement throbbed inside him. "Bunny." He growled your pet name with a deep voice laced with desire. "I missed you." He caressed your cheek. "Come here."

You dove into his arms. "Mm, Levi."

He dragged you onto his lap and inhaled deeply allowing him to enjoy your scent. "Fuck, I missed you so much." He tilted his head and kissed you. The two of you moaned and purred in delight. "Oh, bunny you are a delight and pleasure."

You massaged your fingers in his hair. "So are you." You shifted on his lap. "Promise you're staying a while?"

"Promise. No more going away for days."

"Good, 'cause I might have to lock you up."

He chuckled. "I think I'll like that." He massaged your thighs. "So, my shirt huh?"

You nodded and looked over at Daisy playing with her new toys. "We both missed you. Daisy got very teary-eyed about it so I told her what I do when I miss you, I get one of your shirts. She said we should wear them and we have been for two days now." You looked back at Levi. "That okay?"

"More than okay." He nuzzled his nose against yours. "Wear it later?"

You saw the sparkle in his eyes and knew what he was talking about. "Oh, I will." You nipped his neck. "I'm all yours." You slipped off his lap making him whine. "Now! I think you should help your daughter make her toys sleep with the fishy."

Levi slipped off the sofa and sat on the floor. "Alright, little flower. Who we making sleep today?"

Tag list under the cut

@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a @youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity @nbinairyn @bts-spnlvr12 @darkstarlight82 @emilyyyy-08 @levistealeaf @pelicanpizza @hideandgopeep @notgoodforlife @demonic-bird @searriously @anti-cupid @abiatackerman

[badadder1]

Do you have any kakasaku recs? I’d love to branch out more with them!

hmm. It depends on what you like? I'd definitely recommend anything by @twofortea, @goldfishlover73, @bluemingqueen,

Dear Future You by @scarecrows-to-cherrytrees is one i read recently and freaking adored. And it's completed. Timetravel, broody early Naruto Kakashi, his future Sakura pops back to cause mayhem. Sexy, addictive, wonderfully written. There's one fight scene, if you read it you'll get it, but it's so dark, and sexy, and fuck I felt like I should hang up my keyboard because I'll never write anything so amazing when I read that scene.

Bluemingqueen has an adorable ongoing same age au/timetravel called The Danger of Smudged Storage Scrolls that I'm also seriously loving. I think it's almost finished. Its freaking cute. Awkward little Kakashi, determined to not be useless Sakura, sweet best friend vibes and mostly I'm just obsessed with how cute they are together so young! Its so well done and I cant wait till its finished. They also had a lot of great amazing one shots for kakasaku week. Like seriously, so good.

If you like AU, I just binged the shit out of The Exciting Adventures of Lotus Man, Blue Boy and the Not-So-Relucant Doctor Petals by goldfish. I had to Google the anime they crossed with for this but it was so hilarious, amazing pacing, the way they are like, PROFESSOR at smoth as fuck Xovers. Like. The way the two worlds work so well. The characterization are on point and if you like romance with a side of bromance and a shy Kakashi, it's for you. I really recommend this one. Goldfish also has a hanahaki disease long one shot, Blood Red Cherry Blossoms. It is beautiful. It is flawless. There isn't a single thing about the story that I would have done differently or went, "hm, idk but whatever." But the end will crush your soul for ever. It's been months and it still lives on my head, making me well up with sad and anger. It's okay though, because I wrote a fix it chapter 2 in my head so I console myself.

Tea has a lot of smut. Not really my thing anymore but what I have seen is... well done lol there are also several cute as fuck one-shot and short fics amongst the porn. Baby You Can Drive My Car is an adorable example. And No Dogs Allowed is as well. I love dog dad Kakashi here so freaking much. And I say that as someone that can not stand obnoxious dog people irl.

There are several other long ones I can not think of the names of rn. One, involved K and S getting involved in a drug/human trafficking thing. I wish so much I could remember because it was amazing. She's drugged at a bar, he saves her. She comes on to him, he actually is into it but she's drugged so. They finally get handsy later and she's abducted mid coitus. Gets wild from there.

Hope that helps!!

[mzannthropy]

Long post or whatever, OP seems to be an inactive account so they won't mind.

Thanks 💌

If I say I'm afraid to post what I feel like and you ask me why, I wouldn't be actually able to answer (but it's like that with fear--what are you afraid of?) Like, nobody will die bc of what I posted. I can't keep it inside either so I put like million caveats so that no one gets offended... lol. (I have a bit of a baggage wrt to things I like, from my teenage years.)

When I became an active Sam Claflin fan, during the pandemic, I looked up his name on social media, and on here too, and saw how everyone only cared about Me Before You and Finnick. So I knew I would have to be on my own. Don't get me wrong, Finnick's cool, doesn't matter how I feel about Hunger Games--which I will always battle with--but surely there's more to Sam than that? For general public, okay, after all Sam keeps himself low-key, but when even his own fandom can't recognise how fantastic he is in everything else he does? Journey's End was one of the first films I watched after I started following him and was mindblown, like that's an Oscar winning performance--and yet not a peep from anyone. So I started posting about him myself, eventually @jesstasticvoyage found me, but last year, everything around DJATS made me retreat back into my shell and I even questioned whether I should continue. Heck, I questioned my own sanity, I thought I was having a psychosis or something... Soccer Aid was a life saver, then we heard about Monte Cristo and all was well again. Though the crisis comes back every now and then (and I don't mean the one I had over not being able to watch Bagman, bc I took that with humour and took a trip to Haworth to touch grass and came face to face with a road named Dimples Lane... clearly sign from the universe. And I got to see Bagman in the end anyway.)

But what I wanted to say, regarding your last tags: women definitely need to stop fucking apologising for everything AND women need to get some fucking audacity. Like you say, men always confidently proclaim what they think. It's not a skill you just wake up with one day, so it needs work. I've been thinking about how to make myself less sensitive, actually I'm contemplating posting on twitter again, but this time not about politics (that's how I used it before) but about things I like, like Sam and films and books and cats and quotes etc. I'll see.

Oh and what are the Spanish and French words used instead of "chemistry"? Both are such pretty languages! One user here suggested "alchemy" which sounds good. I know "chemistry" is a real term in acting (also in music, apparently) but it's not used the way shippers think it is. Actors need to have chemistry with everyone, not just the ones that play romantic interests. It's a disservice to both of them to reduce their performance to just "chemistry". Sam learned to play a whole fucking instrument, lost a lot of weight, learned a new accent... and yet all these clowns have to say is kemmystreeee. And that's if they're not ageist about him. Someone reblogged one of my Sam Monte Cristo posts with "thank god he is looking hot again" in the tags... just. Headdesk.

Sam Claflin and Holliday Grainger in ‘Any Human Heart’ (2010)  

[demonzhalo]

I finally got around to watching a full run of Mouth washing, so here's my take, and you're more than welcome to add more (warning, I'm very bad at picking up cues. Also mentions of SA and narcissism and graphic themes.);

The bad guy(s); Jimmy, while the the worst guy on board, isn't the only one. People like to put Curly onto a pedestal, and he IS a victim of Jimmy, but he's still a bad person. A lesser of two evils, if you will. He knew (whether he figured it out before hand or because Anya gave him confirmation) that Jimmy had assaulted Anya, and his first thought was "I can fix this". While conversing with Jimmy, it's revealed that Jimmy most likely had done something similar, or exactly, in the past that Curly helped get him out of. Helping him avoid responsibility. Making Curly the bad guy instead of Jimmy, something that I've seen get horribly overlooked or joked about. What people need to realize is that Curly has been enabling Jimmy, overlooking Jimmy's narcissism in order to help him.

Just Jimmy thoughts; In the scene where Jimmy is walking past the IDs, we can't see Anyas. He doesn't care what he did to her, he only cares about what happens to HIM. How it affects HIS career, HIS life. Polle (the Pony Express mascot) being symbolized as a fetus kinda shows Jimmy fear, dislike of another "burden", negligence of responsibility, and also his guilt for the unborn child. One that he forced onto Anya. The entire story line is him trying to fix a problem HE created but won't admit to. He self victimizes because it's easier to play victim then to take responsibility for your actions.

Curly; Curly is an enabler. I'll say it right now. He enables Jimmy's behavior and overlooks/neglects the smaller details in favor of the bigger picture (something hinted at during the broken pixel scene). He is not a good person. Curlys decisions reflect on (most) men's relationship with a friend like Jimmy; unwilling to recognize their horrible actions and instead try and find a way to "justify" or "fix" it. However, there's not much he could've done, he's up in space months away from Earth and Pony Express probably would've deducted the teams pay, not to mention that if Curly tossed Jimmy into one of the cryo pods and something happened to him, they would need a copilot. But it's also cruel the way Jimmy thinks he's "saving" Curly, when in actuality he's taking the easy way out and prolonging Curlys suffering, and also staging it to set up Curly as the main bad guy again.

Anya thoughts; First of all. Why the fuck didn't she get evals too? Second of all, I wouldn't be surprised if Anyas suffering and assault was purposely overlooked because A) Jimmy is an unreliable narrator, and B) It reflects on how people don't typically see such things unless they expect it, and they especially tend to overlook it when it involves a close friend/family member. Rewatching, the viewer can pick up hints and details and put together the picture using context they've been given later on in the story. I feel incredibly sorry for her when the man she confided in and trusted turned around and went about trying to help the abuser, which also reflects how people will do anything BUT help the victim. Anya is terrified of Jimmy, something we can clearly see (context or no context) when we first interact with her. Jimmy downplays her role, meanwhile, SHE'S THE ONE KEEPING A SHOULD BE DEAD MAN ALIVE, and he's breaking over being asked to do the job HE FUCKING WANTED (Can you tell I really fucking hate this?). Not to mention I've seen AUs of Anya keeping the child because she was already past the legal abortion stage. That kid would not have survived, the mouthwash has no nutritional value to it so between that, the extremely low rations, and eventual shortage of oxygen, she most likely would've miscarried.

Swansea; He reminds me a bit of my father. An angry man who might mean well but can't get that across. I think Swansea was saving the pods for Daisuke because he still has a life to live. Swanseas wife is ill and his kids don't speak to him anymore, Anya and Jimmy are in severe financial stress, and Curly is just clearly fucked. It's mentioned that Anya has been talking and possibly telling Swansea about the abuse she's been suffering because of Jimmy. Him lodging the axe into the holographic sun is, at least in my opinion, slight foreshadowing to him killing Daisuke. Swansea kills Daisuke to kill his suffering (much like a real swan).

Daisuke; I don't have much on him, but I keep seeing videos of people imagining how he would react to Jimmy after learning what he said, it's... Not quite what I see. Daisuke is pretty young and looked up to Jimmy (because he didn't know the suffering Anya went through), Jimmy is years older than him, and much bigger too (not to mention being a loose cannon). In a situation like that there isn't much he can do except to keep an eye on Jimmy and stay close to Anya. He might've been scared when Swansea was prepping to kill him, but it was better than trying to prolong his life. Anya mentions when we first saw the mouth wash that it's mostly made up of sugar and not alcohol, so it wouldn't have disinfected the wound and might've even made it worse.

Extra; When we first open the game, we get an achievement that says "I hope this hurts". This can either be Anya, telling the protagonist that she hopes their suffering hurts, or (and I don't think this is confirmed!!!) it's the dev, telling whoever they hope this game reaches, hurts them.

[thesleepyfable]

~ SWTD: Still Here AU Part 28: ~

Someone to Dance With:

Okay. The real last chapter of season 1. Anything between here and season 2 are going to be Still Here 'What if...?' which include other characters if they were infected.

Whilst everyone had turned in for the night, Trots was taking his time putting the chairs away. Simon watched from the porch with a knowing look, forgetting to light his cigarette. He knew what his man was doing. Distracting himself from whatever was on his mind. He hid it well during the darts game and beers he drank, but now it was all he could think about. What also gave it away was how slow he was being. Trots, who wanted things to be tidy and in order as soon as possible, so he wouldn't have to see the mess, had taken five minutes to put away four camping chairs he insisted on doing.

Putting his cigarette back in his pocket, Simon approached.

'Am I still on the naughty list?' He asked.

His hands floated up Trots' arms before resting on his shoulders, followed by him resting his head. Trots sighed and took one of Simon's hands.

'I wish you didn't say that.'

'What? That you dance?' A small nod in response. 'It's nothing to be ashamed of, Johnny. You're a wonderful dancer.'

'I know, but that's not it.' Trots moved to turn and look at Simon. He still held his hand. Simon reached up with the other and gently played with Trots' ear, making him tilt his head. 'It's that I cannae do it anymore.'

'What makes you say that?'

'Fucks sake, Simon,' Trots huffed, yet managed a small laugh. Simon knew he wasn't mad. If he was, everyone in a 10 mile radius would know. 'Look at me. How can I ever dance again?'

'You'll never know until you try.' Moving his hand to stroke his face, Simon took a step back. He moved towards a small radio perched on the top step. Sneaky bugger had brought it outside. He clicked the button and tuned the channel to emit classical music. The one they danced to together for the first time. Trots couldn't lie. It made him feel special.

In his usual dramatics, Simon offered a hand, like Prince Charming at the ball. Trots accepted with a worried smile, not having much hope. Simon didn't hesitate and pulled his lover to his chest. 'We'll start slowly, okay? I'll lead.'

With his left foot, Simon took a step forward, leading them into a simple box step. Trots awkwardly followed, moving back. Simon moved his right foot outwards. Trots followed. A tendril shot out into the snow to keep his balance. A wave of embarrassment came over him. He let go and held his head in his hands, hunching over himself. More tendrils shot out to keep preventing him from falling head first into the snow again.

'No. No. No. I cannae do it.' But Simon was undeterred.

'We only took two steps.'

'You only took two steps.'

'One more try, eh?' No answer. 'Just think about the first time you showed me.' Simon waited for a reaction. After a moment, which included taking a deep breath to clear his mind of anxiety, Trots adjusted himself. His right hand laced with Simon's before resting the other on his shoulder. Simon softly smiled. 'Top man. Here we go.'

Simon repeated his first steps. Trots moved in sync. The tendrils shot out, acting as his legs. The infected man lowered his head but didn't push away. He felt Simon's grasp tighten in support. A sign to not give up. It calmed his breathing.

They continued in a box step twice over before rotating in a counter clockwise motion. Back into a box step, but only performed half of the move. A quarter turn to the left. These moves were slow and basic but stemmed from a core memory...

'Ah. Sorry. Sorry. I should have told ye, I have two left feet.'

'You're doing a lot better than most. We can stop if you want-'

'And end our date early?'

'This is a date?'

'Oh, it's not?'

'Aye. Yes it is. One more try?'

The snow crunched under feet and tendrils. The music, composed with a soft piano and violin, filled their ears. Trots looked up at Simon, where before he would look down to him, his eyes finding comfort. Simon could feel Trots discover his confidence again, taking the lead from him.

A warmth rushed through them, and their minds went back to their first date. A shared memory. Was it The Shape inside Trots doing that?

Their breathing deepend and their hearts raced. The now and then clashed. The warm. The cold. The indoors. The outside. Yet the music was the same.

The sound of snow became their feet dancing on the wooden floor of Trots' living room. The fire glowed, aiding the dim lamps that stood in the corners. The smell of freshly baked bread filled their noses. Their pace quickened. Both straightened their posture. A focused look in Trots' eyes.

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3. Cross body lead. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3. Hesitation step. A clockwise cross body lead. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3...

The music built to the crescendo.

Trots felt his back slam against the house, but he didn't move away. He pulled Simon towards him. They closed their eyes and kissed. Their hearts continued to race. Simon wrapped his arms around Trots and pulled him closer. Trots ran his hands through Simon's soft hair. Music filled their ears. After so long apart, they didn't want to let go, but time eventually caught up to the pair as the song began to slowly fade out. Simon pulled away first. Their cheeks were pink. Chests and shoulders moved with each breath. Neither had noticed they'd held their breath for so long.

Simon cupped Trots' face. They both moved and rested their foreheads together. Trots wrapped his arms around his lover and moved in for another small kiss.

'See?' Simon sighed. 'You're a wonderful dancer.'

'And you're a wonderful teacher. Thank you.' They shared another moment together, swaying softly on the spot and stroking each other's face. 'Let's go to bed.'

'Tired?' A nod. 'Okay.'

[a1ecmcdowell]

on the outskirts of the good morning america! stage stand two men far too big for the aprons being tied around their waists. one has a cigarette in his teeth, the other has a joint, and neither look at each other. it’s already too much that they have them standing right next to each other to walk out together; why the hell would they push it?

“looks great, sweetheart,” ben says to the assistant adjusting the frilly deep red fabric around his waist, straightening the spelt letters on them. most wonderful. as if he needed any more fuel to the fire that was his ego.

cole got time of the year. they're supposed to go onto that stage, stand close enough for people to read their cheesy aprons as a full sentence, and present a united front. no, america, these guys do not hate each other — look, they're having the most wonderful time of the year.

who's idea was it to turn this sentence into matching aprons, anyways? ben got a compliment and cole got a time on a calendar.

cole scoffs. ben snorts. as much as he loathes to admit it ever, ben knew cole pretty well, tended to know where his head was at. "and don't you just look darlin'."

"fuck off."

one of the vought higher ups shoots him a stern look. "get it all out of your system before you walk onto that stage," she scolds, nearly a foot shorter than the both of them but with far more fire than either, "because you will not blow this for yourselves, or for vought."

"my reputation is not bankin' on a pussy little talk show about making sugar cookies, madison," her name was madison, apparently, and ben says it with enough conviction that cole thinks they've had conversations like this before, "and puttin' me out there to try and save his when i've had to save his ass many—"

"oh, piss off," cole scoffs again, stamping his cigarette out on the bottom of his boot. "i've been doing great on my own, this has nothing to do with..." he trails off when he catches madison's eye.

madison's smile hardens into something more sympathetic, like she really, truly, regrets to inform him of what's going to come out of her mouth. "smiling like a serial killer when asked to be gentler in your appearances is not 'doing great,' reaper. it's doing the bare minimum. badly."

ben takes the words as ammunition, loads them up in his throat and fires, with a twinkling grin. "you're the bare minimum and i'm the most wonderful. gonna frame this moment—" he holds his hands up together, and spreads them like he's displaying something other than his eye twitching attitude. "good morning america! — where cole found his true self in goddamn buttercream icing, of all things."

"oh my god." cole turns, grabbing a fistful of ben's frilly, sparkly apron and yanking him by it. "one of these days, someone's gonna knock you down a few pegs, and it's gonna stick. and when it happens, i'll be front row—"

a gentle hand touches cole's elbow, hesitantly. well, this is doing nothing for his rep at all. at least he fucked up the meticulously straightened words on ben's apron. the headset wearing girl who approached the both of them smiles just as forced as every single one of cole's. "you two are on in five."

★ ˚⋆

"now, you'd never be able to tell by lookin' at him, amy," ben starts, placing his hand on cole's shoulder for the thirteenth time in five minutes, "but reaper here loves sugar cookies. dontcha, reap?"

cole started counting at touch six. it's all a game to ben, and cole really, really hates his games. "yep. love 'em."

he should be giving more. but honestly, the only thing in his head is how desperately, how furiously, he wants to snap ben's wrist.

ben pats him on the shoulder again. fourteen. "tell the people how much you love 'em, don't be shy."

he was not being shy, he was being civil. "if you don't get your goddamn hands off of me, ben, i swear to god, i'm breaking every single one of your knuckles."

the soft gasps of the live audience, and the production team falling completely and utterly silent, is the sole indicator that his mic really is as sensitive as they warned him about, and he ignored.

"it's okay!" the host, amy, says quickly, her smile forced and so damn jolly for it being seven in the morning. "we'll... censor it."

that was the worst thing that anyone could have said to them.

the first batch of cookies was already done, pretend baked in the oven when it'd been sitting right in front of them under the counter the whole time, so when ben picked up the remaining ball of cookie dough and threw it at cole, everything fell apart rather quickly.

"did you just f*cking-" cole shoves his hand into the bag of flour, throwing the handful of powder at ben. "don't be a f***ing c*nt."

ben's cackling, white staining the entire front of his glittery red apron in splotches. "batter's up!" flour puffs in his face as cole throws another, dust dancing in front of his laughing expression. "get it? the g*ddamn batter's- well, it's down now, actually."

"shut the hell up."

"um, hey guys," amy says from behind them, flour all over her maroon long sleeve from being caught in the crossfire, "maybe we should... not do this."

they've never listened to anyone in their lives, but especially now, when they're stronger than anyone else in the universe.

"hey, he copped an attitude with me, sweetcheeks," ben says, snatching a cookie off of the tray in front of him, flinging it like a frisbee. "i'm just defending myself."

"well, maybe-"

"defending yourself? so you feel threatened... by flour," cole says, laughing incredulously. "oh! i know why. givin' you flashbacks, isn't it? looks a little too much like c*caine... poor baby."

ben's eyes flash. "watch your f*cking mouth."

"go on, soldier boy! tell the audience how much you love sugar cookies!" cole grabs another handful of flour, blowing it in a poof in front of ben's face. "all that white powder on top... g*ddamn, no wonder you wanted to do this show so badly!"

ben dips his hand into the red icing in front of him, slapping the wad across cole's cheek. the smack sound is so much more pronounced with the buttercream on his palm, and cole can't help it. as much as he wants to be angry, to maybe light the whole room up if it meant incinerating ben, he laughs heartily. "did you just f*cking slap me with buttercream?"

"alright," amy announces over the sound of cole's laughter, and ben's spluttering of it, too, through his defensive words. "i'll be back after this short commercial break."

behind the curtains, madison has her head in her hands. on the stage, ben's swiping his finger across cole's cheek and shoving the icing laden digit between his lips. "pretty damn good," he mumbles gruffly, a twitch of a hesitant smile on his mouth.

most wonderful time of the year indeed.

notes, oh u guys this was so so fun thank u to everyone who convinced me to write it PLSORDLSJ I <3 CHRISTMAS DRABBLES

tags, @jasvtsc @deanswidow @ultravi0lence14 @ostaramoon

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 02x01 - The Inheritor of Courage / Enter Flamedramon

Previously on Digimon Adventure: Three years ago, eight children were kidnapped and trafficked into the weirdest summer vacation of their lives. An adventure filled with war, death, friendship, and a lot more poop than you might reasonably have expected.

Then they had to go home and just pick their lives back up like none of that happened.

We open on the photo that the children took on their last day in the Digital World. Takeru kicks us off with a very brief recap.

Takeru: It was a summer I'll never forget. Three years have passed since then....

Brief slides show us where they all are now. Three years means we're looking at an age range of 13 for Mimi and Koushiro, 14 for Taichi, Yamato, and Sora, and 15 for Jou. The three of them have entered middle school, with Jou once again in his final year and needing to start thinking about high school.

Taichi's slide just shows him in his school uniform, ready to go. Yamato's reveals that his musical interest with his harmonica has evolved into forming a band, which is already giving concerts. He's up on center stage as lead singer and guitarist.

While the original lets the slides speak for themselves, the dub has T.K. narrate them.

T.K.: We've sure grown up a lot since that summer in the Digital World! (Tai shot) T.K.: Tai's in high school. (Matt shot) T.K.: My brother Matt's trying to be a rock star!

I didn't have a lot to say about Taichi's shot and neither did the dub. He's there. He is. Also present. It's Taichi. You know Taichi. He's being Taichi.

You may notice that T.K. said Tai's in high school. So we need to talk about that for a moment.

There's a cultural difference here. American high school lasts four years, with students from ages 14 to 18 in attendance. It's also compulsory.

Japanese high school lasts three years, with students from ages 15 to 18 in attendance. However, it's optional. Compulsory education ends with 9th grade, which is the final year of middle school instead of the first year of high school. It's not unreasonable that a 14-year-old would be in 9th grade, as 14-15 is the age range for that grade. Therefore, middle school in Japan, high school in the U.S.

He is in Japan, so he should still be in middle school even so, but. Y'know. Localizing so American kids will understand.

The more glaring issue is that Tai is in 8th grade right now, not 9th. Taichi was in 5th grade three years ago. So this is just wrong? Tai being in high school is just factually wrong with no cultural context affecting it.

We haven't even hit the opening credits. We're six seconds in, and we're already off to a start, aren't we? T.K. had only one thing he could even think of to say about that shot of Tai and it was wrong. XD

Sora's still athletic, but it seems she's changed from soccer to tennis.

The reason for that shift is, to my understanding, only explained in a Drama CD for the series. It's kind of a compromise. Toshiko actually has a history with tennis, so it's an athletic activity that they can play together as mother and daughter.

Koushiro is in 7th grade right now, so he's entering middle school for the first time. That's why his shot shows him trying on his new school uniform for the very first time, while his parents look on with pride and joy in their eyes.

Mimi, I guess, had so much fun in Hawaii that she's taken up piracy on the high seas.

I don't. Actually. Know why she's reintroduced like this. That is not going to be the character design for her when she appears in the show proper.

In the dub:

(Sora shot) T.K.: Sora's become quite a tennis player. (Izzy shot) T.K.: Izzy's in high school too! (Mimi shot) T.K.: Mimi and her folks moved to New York!

SPOILERS, T.K.!!! FUCK!!!

Also, Izzy's in high school too!? I mean, I guess that's fair. If anybody skipped a few grades, it'd be Joe. But if a second person did it, Izzy's a solid bet.

Jou remains hard at work as ever. He's going to have a whole new set of entrance exams next spring to prepare for. Assuming he decides he wants to go to high school once compulsory education ends.

Which he will. Obviously. It's actually super rare for kids to skip out on high school. It's allowed, but rare. But even if it wasn't, Jou's in this for the long haul. He's aiming to become a doctor.

Hikari, I guess needing a new neck dangly to replace the whistle she gave Tailmon, has taken up photography.

Takeru doesn't get a "Where are they now?" slide. It's fine. We'll be seeing him in a moment. Instead, we move into the new OP, which is every bit as spoilery as the ones from the previous series. Not only are all of the Partner Digimon for the new protagonists we haven't even met yet shown, but so is all of their forms in the new evolution type that's going to be introduced.

The new main villain also appears, both masked and unmasked. So that's fun.

In the dub:

(Joe slide) T.K.: And Joe's still studying to be a doctor. (Kari slide) T.K.: But for Kari and I, it's just the beginning....

So that's where our kids are at right now! In other news, slavery.

Gazimon: RUN!!! IT'S THE DIGIMON KAISER!!!

The Digimon Kaiser, a child dressed in bad guy shades and a cape, stands in front of a huge blast obelisk. Cracking his whip, he sends out black rings levitating across the landscape, reminiscent of the Black Gears that Devimon used to distribute.

These rings blanket the region, seizing every Digimon they can find. We see various and Gazimon and Gotsumon taken by the Kaiser, as well as one Unimon.

One ring goes for Tailmon, who is also among the group. The Holy Ring on her tail glows, deflecting the ring and saving her. But before she has time to breathe, Unimon emerges from the bushes, now under the Kaiser's control, and fires a Holy Shot from their mouth.

In the dub:

Gazimon: Run for your lives! It's the evil Digimon Emperor!

Like many of the proper nouns, "Kaiser" is the actual word in the original and not a translation of a Japanese word. The word is borrowed from German, and means "emperor".

The dub opted to translate it to Digimon Emperor, which sounds more natural to say in English.

Gatomon gets an extra line here when her Holy Ring deflects the black ring.

Gatomon: That was close!

I'm sure she's fine. Meanwhile, in the human world, we find Takeru finishing breakfast in the kitchen of his mom's apartment.

Takeru: Gochisousama [Thank you for the delicious meal.]!

In Japan, it's customary to say いただきます Itadakimasu at the start of a meal and ごちそうさま Gochisousama at the end of a meal. If you've been listening to undubbed anime, you're probably more familiar with the former than the latter. It's much more common to write scenes with meals beginning than ending.

Once he's finished up, Takeru takes his dishes to the kitchen. Cutting to Natsuko's office where she's hard at work, we can hear the clink of him setting his dishes in the sink.

Natsuko: I'm sorry I can't go with you on your first day of school, but I have to get this manuscript turned in by the end of the day. Takeru: (walks by doorway) That's okay. I can go by myself. (Takeru steps out the front) Takeru: Ittekimasu [I am leaving but will return]!

Another customary phrase, said when leaving a place you spend time in regularly. Basically means "I am leaving this place but with intent to return again."

Takeru makes for the elevator, which opens to reveal two children from a higher floor also making their way down. A girl with purple hair and glasses and a short boy with brown hair. They were smiling a moment ago, but when the door suddenly opens, they both look surprised and confused.

Purple: Huh? Takeru: Good morning! Purple: (uncertain) ...good morning. Takeru: I just moved into these apartments. My name is Takaishi Takeru, fifth grade. It's nice to meet you!

An interesting note about these apartments: Takeru describes them as マンション manshon as opposed to アパート apaato. Both of these mean "apartments", but a manshon is much more upscale and high-quality than an apaato. For a single mother, Natsuko seems to be doing pretty well for herself.

Once Takeru introduces himself, the hesitancy subsides and the purple girl happily returns the gesture.

Purple: I'm Inoue Miyako, sixth grade. It's written like the "Kyo" from Kyoto but read "Miyako". This is Iori. Iori: I'm Hida Iori, third grade. I am very honored to meet you.

Iori bows politely to Takeru. It seems we have another little Koushiro here.

Takeru: Same to you.

Takeru joins them on the elevator, and together the three children set out for school.

Real quick, what Miyako's talking about: Because there are three different written languages in Japanese, knowing how someone spells their name can be just as important as what their name literally is. Miyako specifies how her name is spelled because it uses an uncommon reading of a particular kanji.

Her name is 井ノ上 Inoue 京 Miyako. The "spelled like Kyoto" is referencing the fact that 京都 Kyoto uses the same kanji, but pronounces it differently. Because... kanji have multiple readings and pronunciations. That's just how it is. Japanese is really hard.

In the dub, it's Nancy who kicks off T.K.'s departure.

Nancy: (offscreen) You're gonna be late for school, T.K.! Hurry up and finish your breakfast! T.K.: New school, new apartment... but the same old lumpy oatmeal. (calls out) I'm done, Mom! I'm leaving! Nancy: Sorry I can't drive you to school on your first day but I have to write this article before the deadline. It's all about the historical significance of toilet paper. Hmmm.... T.K.: It's okay. I'll walk. (T.K. steps out the front) T.K.: See you later! (T.K. runs into the other two on the elevator) Purple: Huh? T.K.: How's it going? Purple: Fine, thank you. T.K.: Great! My name's T.K. and my mom and I just moved into this building. I'm in seventh grade, class A. Nice to meet you! Purple: Oh, hi! My name is Yolei. Would you like to walk to school with us? It takes exactly 12.3 minutes and that's if there's no wind. It will be fun! Oh, and this is Cody. Cody: Welcome to the building, T.K. Come on! We don't want to be late on our first day. (Cody bows politely) T.K.: Let's do it!

No idea why Cody's bowing. Nothing he said warrants a bow.

So, we have our new character names. Miyako is Yolei, which is a pretty obscure Hebrew name. I've only ever heard it in connection with this show. Terri-Lei O'Malley, one of the key people who worked on the dub, wanted Miyako to have "lei" in her name like she does and so I guess they went looking for something that would fit that criteria.

O'Malley is the same person who named Salamon after her pet cat and was then disappointed that Salamon inexplicably turned out to be a puppy.

I'm guessing they picked "Cody" because the lip flaps for it are close enough to "Iori" to make sense.

With T.K. being in seventh grade all of a sudden, it seems the plan is to quietly add an extra two years to the timeskip and hope nobody notices. That explains "high school" for Tai and Izzy.

Takeru heads to school with his new friends.

Iori: Hey, Miyako-san? Could you please come over after school to fix our computer? Miyako: Sure. For your mom's ohagi. Iori: Okay! I'll email her later. Miyako: Ehehe, bingo!

Get used to hearing "Bingo!" from Miyako. It's her favorite word.

Ohagi is a Japanese dessert. They're sweet rice balls covered in a bean paste.

As the kids approach their elementary school, Takeru suddenly spots Taichi on the soccer field? What?

Takeru: Taichi-san?

But his eyes are playing tricks on him, as it's a different boy with spiky hair and goggles. The boy goes for the ball but just winds up eating dirt, leaving the ball sailing towards Takeru. Takeru snatches it out of the air easily enough.

Soccer Boy: Sorry, sorry. Takeru: ... Soccer Boy: Hm?

Takeru tosses him the ball.

Takeru: Cool goggles! Soccer Boy: ...eh...? Other Player: (offscreen) Hey, Daisuke! What are you doing!?

That seems to snap him out of it. Daisuke turns and kicks the ball, rejoining the soccer game.

Takeru: Daisuke, huh? Right, Taichi-san's in middle school now.

And interesting note about Daisuke's name is that Takeru was half-right. Daisuke's name is written 大輔 Daisuke. It means "Great Savior", foreshadowing his role in the series. But its first letter is also very close to that of 太一 Taichi, which means "Exceptional one". That or "Thick one".

Daisuke is also close in pronunciation to 大好き daisuki, who is how you tell someone that you have very strong feelings of affection for them. It basically means "I like you a lot", but in a way that can be used either romantically or platonically. Which... is also foreshadowing some things.

Motomiya Daisuke was very well named. Name-wise, he is to the 02 cast what "Light of the Eight Gods" Yagami Hikari was to the original cast.

In the dub:

Cody: Hey Yolei, can you come over after school and fix my computer again? Yolei: Only if your mom makes those brownies I love. Cody: I'll send an email and ask if she'll make a batch right away. Yolei: It's a deal. Perfecto! T.K.: Huh? (T.K. thinks he sees Tai) T.K.: Tai? ...I'm seeing things. Player: Here you go, Davis! (The ball goes T.K.'s way, which he catches) Players: (various shouting) Come on, man! / What are you doing!? Davis: Thanks! Great catch. T.K.: ... Davis: Huh? (T.K. suddenly tosses him the ball) T.K.: You look familiar! Must be the goggles. Davis: Whuh? Player: Hey, Davis! You're holding up the game! Davis: Huh!? (Davis kicks the ball and returns to the game) T.K.: What am I thinking!? That can't be Tai! He's a much better soccer player than that kid!

T.K. decides to end on a burn rather than reaffirming what grade Tai's in.

Changing ohagi to brownies is a pretty solid localization choice.

Moving right along, it's time to get to class. We find Daisuke entering classroom 5-A, where Hikari's unpacking her things.

Daisuke: Ehehe, I'm in the same class as Hikari-chan again! Hikari: It's good to see you again. Daisuke: Just now, some guy said my goggles looked cool. I have no idea who he was. Hikari: Hmm?

It's a quick snippet of dialogue to establish that Daisuke and Hikari have been classmates for a while.

Before that can continue, we quickly cut to the Digital World, which is still being menaced by those black rings. Agumon falls hard on the ground, crying out.

Agumon: Taichi! TAICHIIIIIIIIIII!!!

His cry seems to get through. A brief shot of Taichi in his school uniform shows his Digivice activating, sending out a distress message in red print.

Back in Hikari's class, the teacher has an announcement to make.

Teacher: Let me introduce you to a new classmate (nakama) for this semester. Come in. (Takeru enters; Davis looks up, surprised) Teacher: This is Takaishi Takeru-kun. Takeru: I'm Takaishi Takeru. Nice to meet you. Daisuke: Him...? Teacher: There's a seat next to Yagami.

Takeru obliges, sitting beside Hikari. They instantly hit it off for reasons that are obvious to the audience but perplexing for Daisuke.

Takeru: Long time, no see. Hikari: Heh. You sure grew up! Daisuke: (watching them chat, thinking) What's with this guy!? How can he just hit it off with Hikari-chan like that!? Takeru: (unintelligible due to Daisuke narrating over him) Hikari: (cracks up laughing)

Daisuke has no idea what these two have been through together.

In the dub:

Davis: Alright, what luck! You're in my class again, Kari! Kari: I wouldn't call that luck. Davis: Hey, the weirdest thing just happened. This new kid said I reminded him of someone. Probably thinks I'm a movie star. Kari: Hmm? (Meanwhile, in the DIgital World) Agumon: (falls) Tai, help! TAIIIIIIIIIIII!!! (Human world) Tai: Huh? (Back to Class 5-A) Teacher: I'm Mr. Hamasaki. I'll be your teacher and I'd like you all to welcome a new student. (T.K. enters. Davis looks up, surprised) Davis: Hm? Whoa! T.K.: It's nice to meet you. I'm T.K. Davis: It's that kid! Hamasaki: Please take a seat next to the girl with the... camera around her neck. (T.K. sits by Kari) T.K.: Together again! Kari: Just like old times! Davis: (watching them chat, thinking) That kid's trying to make a move on my girl! T.K.: Our teacher looks like Ogremon! Kari: (cracks up laughing)

A few things here. Davis's final line is a lot more possessive than Daisuke's. Daisuke is bewildered that this random boy can walk into the room and suddenly be best buddies with Hikari the instant he sits down. There's a hint of jealousy but he never goes beyond "What the hell am I watching?" Davis is going full jealous stalker, claiming ownership of Kari as if they were a couple.

It's not clear what Kari means by "I wouldn't call that luck" but it sounds like a passive-aggressive jab at Davis's expense. Which, given the creepy possessiveness he demonstrates in his final line, makes a lot of sense. Hikari is nothing but pleasant and happy to see Daisuke again.

I don't know why Mr. Hamasaki pauses suddenly before saying the word "camera".

I'm not sure that the dub lines really convey that T.K. and Kari haven't seen each other in years.

Back in the Digital World, Tentomon, Piyomon, and Patamon all flee from an attacking Snimon.

The Snimon has one of those black rings around their waist, so we know who they're working for. Also, New Series Who Dis.

Narrator: Snimon. A cruel and terrifying Adult-stage Digimon who resembles a praying mantis. Their special attack Shadow Sickle can slice anything to pieces with incredible speed.

Objectively better rundown than the one we got in the original series. It's the same, except the original rundown only said Snimon's attack was Shadow Sickle, without explaining anything about what the move does. So this is the same but more.

As soon as the narrator finishes explaining, Snimon's Shadow Sickle projectiles slash Piyomon and Tentomon out of the sky. Patamon takes cover on the branch of a tree, trying to hide.

Patamon: Piyomon! Tentomon!

They could really use their Partners about now.

In the dub, Tentomon takes up his usual role giving the diegetic rundown.

Tentomon: (rundown) Hurry! Don't let Snimon catch us! This praying mantis Digimon can cut through anything with his Twin Sickles attack! (Snimon slashes Biyomon and Tentomon out of the air) Patamon: Oh no! Biyomon! Tentomon!

Tentomon doesn't mention that Snimon is cruel and vicious, but that hardly matters when they're under control of one of those rings anyway.

He does a much better job with the diegetic rundown than Phantomon did way back when; That guy just made a punny quip about how the children will be the praying mantis's "prey".

Good news, their Partners are here! Well, one of them.

Taichi: Agumon!

Taichi sprints to Agumon's side, trying to help him.

Agumon: Taichi! Taichi: Evolve, Agumon!

Taichi holds out his Digivice. However, the device doesn't react.

Agumon: I can't... I can't evolve, Taichi. Taichi: Why!? Why can't you evolve!?

Watching from his control room, the Digimon Kaiser chuckles to himself.

Kaiser: Muhuhuhu... It's useless. That area is already mine. You will never be able to evolve.

In his hand, he's holding something that looks similar to a Digivice, yet is distinctly different.

With no other option, Taichi joins Patamon and Agumon in fleeing from Snimon. Tailmon emerges in their path.

Tailmon: This way!

Tailmon leads them to a cave. Once they're tucked inside, Taichi takes out another device we've never seen before, this one somewhat resembling a Nintendo DS, and uses it to send a message.

Taichi: Please, anyone, come and help us.

Already we're seeing how much has changed in the last three years. Not only is Taichi able to come and go from the Digital World, but the children also have portable devices of unclear origin that they can use to communicate with each other.

In the dub:

Tai: Agumon! Agumon: Tai! You're here! Tai: You've got to Digivolve! (Digivice won't react) Agumon: That's why I need your help, Tai. I can't Digivolve! Tai: Did you forget how!? It's just like riding a bicycle! Now start pedaling and Digivolve! (Cut to Emperor's control room) Emperor: Hmhmhmhmhmhm... It's no use. As long as I have the Black Digivice, there's no way they can Digivolve. Ahahahahahaha! (Tai joins the others in fleeing Snimon) Gatomon: Move your tails! (Everyone hides in a cave) Tai: (sending message) We're gonna need more help. I'd better contact the others.

Tai ignores the fact that his Digivice isn't activating and blames Agumon instead.

The Digimon Emperor name-drops the Black Digivice. The Kaiser just shows it to us. Also, it's Dark Digivice, not Black Digivice. They'll call it Dark Digivice at other points in the episode, so this is just a consistency error.

Back in the human world, Miyako's in the computer clubroom when an alert sounds on the PC.

Miyako: Oh no, an email for Izumi-senpai! But he's already graduated...

The message is from Yagami Taichi, addressed to "Everyone", with the subject line "Emergency!". The text reads, "Everyone come to the Digital World. Something is happening."

Miyako has no idea what to do with this.

Miyako: What is this? I'm pretty sure there's a Yagami in 5th grade....

Out front, Takeru is retrieving his outdoor shoes from the getabako while catching up with Hikari. These are special cupboards at the entrances to schools where you can swap between your outdoor shoes and your indoor shoes.

Hikari: Have you finished unpacking your luggage? Takeru: Well, yeah... Mostly.... Daisuke: (runs up) Hey, you! Hikari: It's not "Hey, you". It's "Takeru-kun". Daisuke: You, Takeru! What sort of relationship do you have with Hikari-chan!? Takeru: Huh? What's this all of a sudden? Ahaha! You're funny, Daisuke! Daisuke: (angrier) I'm not funny at all!

Daisuke is being very rude with his language. Not only does he blow off the honorific that Hikari tells him to use, but he keeps saying addressing Takeru as お前 omae.

It's not the worst second-person pronoun. It's pretty standard. But you should always use second-person pronouns with care, because in a lot of situations, they can come across rude or inappropriate. The verbal equivalent of pointing your finger at someone.

Daisuke wants to come off rude and inappropriate, so he's doing a lot of verbal finger-pointing on purpose right now.

Of course, for Takeru, Daisuke's outrage is water off a duck's back.

Before this can go any further, Miyako arrives.

Miyako: Ah, there! Takeru: Oh, Miyako-san!

She approaches Hikari with a printout of the questionable email.

Miyako: You're Yagami Hikari-san, right? Hikari: Yes, that's right. Miyako: (shows her the printout) Do you know a Yagami Taichi? Hikari: (reads; gasps) Onii-chan!

With Daisuke in two, Takeru and Hikari follow Miyako back to the computer club. On their way, they run into Koushiro coming up the stairs; An unexpected sight, seeing as he graduated last year.

Miyako: Ah! Izumi-senpai! Koushiro: Miyako-kun, may I please use the computer in the clubroom? Miyako: (ecstatic) Of course! Of course! I'm so glad you're visiting us, even after you graduated! Takeru: Koushiro-san! Hikari: We got an email from Onii-chan. Koushiro: (surprised) Takeru-kun! Hikari-san!

Strongly implied that Miyako looks up to Izumi-senpai because he was in charge of the computer club until his graduation. Also, on that note, gonna have to get used to the words "Izumi-senpai". My, how the kids have grown.

In the dub:

Yolei: Huh? "Come to the Digital World right away; The Digimon need our help!" Must be a link to an online game. Let's see who sent it. "Tai Kamiya". Hey! There's a girl in the seventh grade with the same last name! This email's probably hers.

The original specifically mentions that the email was sent to Koushiro. But apparently Tai's email had no intended recipient?

Kari: So, T.K., how does your mom like the new apartment? T.K.: She hasn't seen it yet. She's been on the computer the whole time! Davis: (runs up) Hey, buddy! Kari: His name is not "buddy". It's "T.K." Davis: Alright T.J. or J.V. or whatever it is! How do you know Kari!? T.K.: Huh? How do I know her? Ahahahaha! I get it, you're jealous of me! Davis: (angrier) I'm not jealous of anybody!

It's unclear in the original whether T.K. is actually oblivious to Daisuke's jealousy or is intentionally playing it off. Takeru, meanwhile, directly antagonizes Davis.

The "T.J. or J.V. or whatever" seems to be an attempt to capture the rudeness of Daisuke's verbal finger-pointing. Davis's unwillingness to say T.K.'s name properly will continue to be a thing.

Love the "Nancy hasn't actually seen the new apartment yet" crack. XD That got me.

Yolei: Hey! T.K.: Oh, hi, Yolei! (Yolei approaches Kari) Yolei: You're Kari Kamiya, aren't you? Kari: Yeah, that's right. Why do you ask? Yolei: (shows her the printout) Well, are you related to Tai? He sent this email. Kari: (reads it) My brother needs us! (They race to the computer club and run into Izzy) Yolei: Izzy! Izzy: Hey, Yolei. I'm glad I found you. I need to use the computer room right away. Yolei: (gasp) You mean the legendary former computer club president is actually looking for me!? I'm honored! T.K.: What's up, Izzy? Kari: Tai sent us an urgent email. Izzy: Yeah, I know! I got one too!

It's weird that Yolei acts like they're meeting each other for the first time. Was she not in computer club before this year?

The English dialogue also scrubs out both mentions of Koushiro having graduated.

The younger kids join Koushiro in the computer clubroom.

Takeru, Hikari, and Miyako are all neutral about Koushiro being here but Daisuke in the back is slack-jawed. He has no idea what's going on right now.

Koushiro: I got the email too, but when I tried to reply, my battery died. This place is closer to my middle school than going home would be.

A shot of Koushiro's bag shows a similar email device to the one Taichi was using. From the computer, Koushiro sends Taichi a return email:

"Message received. I'll find a Gate and head over there as soon as possible. Takeru-kun and Hikari-san are with me as well."

Taichi: A reply! It's Koushiro! Hikari and Takeru are there too! Agumon: (from offscreen) TAICHI!!! GET OVER HERE, TAICHI!!!

While Taichi goes to find out what that's all about, we return to computer club.

Miyako: Hey, so where is the Digital World? Is that a new theme park? Takeru & Hikari: .... Daisuke: I think I heard Taichi-senpai talking about some... Digimon thing? Takeru: You know Taichi-san? Hikari: They were senpai and kouhai in soccer club.

I think most of us understand what a senpai is. It's a senior mentor figure that you look up to and learn from. Kouhai is the opposite side of that coin; The junior who respects and learns from the senpai.

Also, the words "Taichi-senpai" are hitting me even harder than "Koushiro-senpai". Dear sweet Digital Jesusmon, Taichi has a kouhai.

In seriousness, there's some interesting subtleties about how well Daisuke and Hikari know each other. They've been classmates for at least one other school year before this one, clearly on friendly terms, and also Daisuke is her brother's kouhai. He's clearly working himself up to formally asking her out, and you can see why he'd already feel like this was a sure thing before Takeru suddenly and confusingly entered the picture.

Koushiro remains hard at work at the computer. As Hikari explains about soccer club, we can hear something activate at the computer. But then an alert siren starts playing in the background as the conversation continues.

Miyako: So what is it? What's a Digimon? Iori: Miyako-saaaaan! (appears in doorway) Are you going to fix my computer? Miyako: Oh, that's right.

Suddenly, the computer makes a more pleasant chime and the alert goes away.

Koushiro: Thought so. The Gate is open.

In the dub:

Izzy: I was just about to send Tai an answer when the battery ran out on my computer! I knew I should have recharged it after I played trigonometry trivia on the internet last night but boy, talk about fun! (Izzy sends email) Tai: It's from Izzy! He's got Kari and T.K. with him! Agumon: (from offscreen) TAI!!! COME QUICK!!! (Back to computer club) Yolei: What's the Digital World? Is that a new amusement park? I bet they have some great rides! Davis: I heard about it from Tai once. He said there were a lot of "Digimon" there. Whatever they are.... T.K.: You know Tai? Kari: They play on the same soccer team. Yolei: Hey, guys! I've got an idea! Let's all go to the Digital World! Cody: Yolei, weren't you coming over? (appears in doorway) Remember, you were gonna fix my computer. Yolei: Oh, sorry, I forgot. Izzy: If Tai's there, the Gate to the Digital World's open.

As usual, details buried in sound effects do not carry over to the dub. The alert siren doesn't sound in this version, nor do we hear the sudden chime of it activating.

Kari's kind of screwed with her explanation of Davis and Tai's relationship because Americans don't have an equivalent to the clear-cut social roles of senpai and kouhai. We're a much more informal society. She tries her best, but accidentally makes it sound like they're still playing soccer together.

Back in the cave, Taichi finds what Agumon was so startled about.

A mysterious egg-shaped object is sitting in the cave with a blade sticking out of it, as well as a familiar-looking symbol.

Taichi: This is.... Agumon: Is that the Crest of Courage? Tailmon: It seems like it's been here for a long time....

Taichi approaches the mystery object.

Taichi: That's definitely the Crest of Courage, but....

Taichi tries to pick up the object, causing it to suddenly glow with a bright orange light that fills the room. Then the glow recedes and three smaller orange lights levitate into the air in front of him.

Taichi: What the...!?

The orange lights offer no explanation. They simply fly off through a hole in the cave ceiling and vanish.

In the dub:

Agumon: Look at that! Tai: That's weird. It's got the Crest of Courage on it. Is it an egg? Agumon: I never saw an egg with a spike in it. Gatomon: It must have been rough on the chicken that laid that thing. Tai: Let's have a closer look at this thing. (Tai activates the egg and conjures the three lights) Tai: They look like fireflies! (The lights shoot off into the sky) Tai: Really fast ones!

The mystique's a bit lost in all this quipping. That said, goddammit, Gatomon. XD That got me.

Back in the human world, Miyako leaves computer club with Iori.

Miyako: (mutters) I'm still curious, though....

Back in computer club, Takeru, Hikari, and Koushiro have their Digivices out and are ready to jump across realities. Daisuke, however, is making a fuss over being left behind.

Daisuke: Let me come with you! Taichi-senpai's in a pinch, right? Takeru: That won't be possible. It's not an easy place for just anyone to go to.

Daisuke glowers at the Digivice in Takeru's hand.

Daisuke: Even if it's impossible, I'm going anyway! So--

Before he can finish, the three lights erupt from the computer screen. Though they're not longer all orange. One red light, one blue light, and one yellow light emerge. The blue one shoots into Daisuke's hands while the red and yellow travel down the hall, finding their way to Miyako and Iori.

Daisuke holds out the device that's appeared in his hands. It's similar to the one the Digimon Kaiser has, but blue instead of black.

Daisuke: W-What is this!? Takeru: A Digivice!? Hikari: (looks down at her Digivice) But it's different from ours....

That's because it's the latest model, COMING SOON TO A TOY STORE NEAR YOU!!! Sorry, kids, but Homeostasis is trying to run a business here. Wait 'til you find out about the planned obsolescence.

In the dub:

Cody: You did promise. Yolei: I know.... (Back in the clubroom) Izzy: We're going back to the Digital World! Prodigious! Davis: I'm going with you! T.K.: That's impossible. Not just anybody can go, you know. You need a Digivice. Davis: Rrrrgh... Listen, T.C., if you can go, so can I! (Digivices shoot out to Davis, Yolei, and Cody) Davis: What's this!? T.K.: A Digivice! Kari: It's a different model than the ones we have.

A subtle note for Davis. In the original, Daisuke exclaims that he's going to the Digital World even if it's impossible. This demonstrates how he's inherited Taichi's pigheaded stubbornness and determination.

Taichi needs help and Daisuke is chomping at the bit to come to his rescue. He's going to do this, even if the arbitrary metaphysical rules of Chosen Children and Digimon Partnerships say he can't.

It's exactly the sort of thing Taichi would say in his position. It's also. Kind of. What 02 is about, thematically. Like, this is setting the stage for 02's entire thesis.

Davis's line in the dub is just him again expressing his jealousy of T.K. He's mad that T.K. gets to go and he doesn't, and refuses to accept the implication that this means he's inferior to T.K.

So, Daisuke's new Digivice is weird. Koushiro returns his attention to the Gate on the computer screen.

Koushiro: The Gate opened on this monitor.... Takeru: Then let's get to the Digital World right away! Hikari: We need to hurry and help Onii-chan! Daisuke: (holds out Digivice) I'm going too. I can go with this? Koushiro: That should be right... That is, if that really is a Digivice.

Daisuke stares at his device, uncertain. Then, out of nowhere, Hikari thrusts her Digivice at the computer screen.

Hikari: I'm going!

The screen glows with light, pulling Hikari through the Gate.

Takeru: Me too!

Takeru does the same, vanishing through the computer to cross realities. Daisuke is left dumbstruck with Koushiro in the computer clubroom.

Koushiro: What are you going to do, Daisuke-kun? Daisuke: ... (Daisuke shakes off the shock) Daisuke: I can go too!

Daisuke repeats Takeru and Hikari's motions, thrusting his Digivice towards the computer screen. As before, it glows with light and absorbs him into the Digital World.

In the dub:

Izzy: Huh... We'd better go now while the Gate to the Digital World is still open. T.K.: Yeah, but how long will it stay open for? Izzy: Hm.... Kari: I don't care! I'm going to help my brother! Davis: (holds out Digivice) Hey, can I get Donkey Madness on this thing? Izzy: It's not a game! If the Digital World sent you a Digivice, then there's a reason and you should take it seriously! Kari: I'm not waiting any longer! (Kari crosses over) T.K.: I'm with you! (T.K. crosses over) Davis: (dumbstruck) ... Izzy: It's your turn. Unless you're scared. Davis: ... (Davis shakes off the shock) Davis: I'm there! (Davis crosses over)

And we need to talk about Daisuke again. Once again, he's made more... dipshit. He's made into more of a dipshit. For Daisuke, this scene sees him once again assert his determination and self-motivation to visit this new world and help Taichi. But in the dub, Izzy bullies him into enlistment.

"That Digivice means you're one of us now! Get the fuck in there, you coward!"

There are. Reasons. Why nobody likes Davis, but Daisuke doesn't get nearly as much flak.

But before Koushiro can make the jump, Miyako comes screeching to a stop in front of the door.

Miyako: IZUMI-SENPAI!!! Koushiro: (frantically hides his Digivice) Ehehehe.... Miyako: WHAT WAS THE LIGHT JUST NOW!?!? Koushiro: Oh, what ever could that have been, ahahaha....

Koushiro is no better at lying now than he was three years ago.

Without Koushiro, the three kids cross over. They land in a forest of the Digital World.

Daisuke: This is the Digital World?

He touches his arm, only to be startled when he feels the fabric of his jacket. It is not what he was wearing when he crossed over.

Daisuke: Ehh!? My clothes changed!?

Yep. A new feature of this Totally Not A Magical Girl show is that the new henshin artifacts cause magical costume changes. I guess Homeostasis was feeling spicy when designing them.

Oddly, neither Hikari nor Takeru comment on this. Takeru opens his mouth as if to say something, but he does not.

While the three kids begin their journey, the Digimon Kaiser watches them from his control room.

Kaiser: Coming into my garden without permission... These people don't have any manners, do they?

And cut to commercial. The Digimon Kaiser knows we're here, but we don't know he's even a thing that exists.

In the dub:

Yolei: WHOA!!! (Yolei screeches to a halt) Yolei: What's going on in here!? Izzy: (frantically hides his Digivice) Uhhhh, nothing! Yolei: Hey Izzy, what was that light!? Izzy: Uh, the computer must need a new screensaver, ehehe....

As utterly nonsensical as that retort is, it's still better than Koushiro's "Oh yeah, weird, huh?"

Davis: Whoa! My first time being downloaded... Pretty cool.... So, this is the Digital World, huh? (Davis discovers his new outfit) Davis: Whoa! This place comes with a new wardrobe! (Meanwhile, the Digimon Emperor is watching) Emperor: (menacing) Hmph! Looks like we have some visitors in my garden. And they weren't even on the guest list....

A little more bantery but basically the same.

Setting out into the Digital World, Hikari uses her Digivice's radar function to track Taichi's Digivice. She and Takeru lead the way, while Daisuke lags behind gawking at this strange new environment.

Daisuke: So this is the Digital World, huh? It's not that different from our wor-- Oh?

Daisuke stops in his tracks, staring at the bizarre sight of a vending machine sitting out in the woods in the middle of nowhere.

Daisuke: What is this doing he-- WAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!

Following in Mimi's footsteps, Daisuke approaches the vending machine only for Numemon to suddenly spill out of it and swarm him.

Takeru: Ahahahaha!!! Hikari: Ehehehe.... Daisuke: IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!

Fortunately for Daisuke, these Numemon seem to just be in a goofy mood and do not drown him in a poop flurry. They go on their merry way and leave him relatively unharassed.

Once Daisuke's back on his feet, the trio gets back on the trail.

Daisuke: So those things were Digimon? Hikari: There are all kinds. Some are cuter! Takeru: And some are scarier!

The way these two dingdongs are bouncing off of each other with wordplay doesn't translate perfectly. The Japanese words for cute and scary are 可愛い kawaii and 怖い kowai respectively. So their lines, Romanized, are:

Hikari: Motto kawaii no mo! Takeru: Motto kowai no mo ne!

Which is fun.

In the dub:

Kari: It's over this way. Davis: This place doesn't seem so scary. The way Tai put it, there were monsters everywhere. ...huh!? (Vending machine) Davis: Hey guys, check it out. There's a vending machine. I am a little thirsty. Huh. (Davis falls for the Numemon trap) Davis: AAAAAAAAAUGH!!! T.K.: Ahahahaha! Kari: Hehehe... Davis: (sarcastic) Ha ha. Very funny! (The Numemon depart) Davis: So were those things Digimon? Kari: Yep. There's tons of other ones too. A lot cuter than those. T.K.: And a lot scarier ones too! Davis: ...do they all come out of vending machines?

The dub adds quite a bit to Davis's lines but it's good stuff. I like the idea that Tai talks openly about his experiences in the Digital World. Like. Why wouldn't he? We all saw the other world appear in the sky and then a rift tear open in time and space, right? There are not enough Men in Black in the world to Flashy Thing that away.

Similarly, Davis's closing line is a valid question for someone with his limited experience to ask.

While the younger kids are tracking Taichi, Taichi is tracking them with Agumon, Patamon, and Tailmon in tow. The two groups meet in the middle.

Taichi: We're close-- Patamon: Ah! TAKERU!!! Takeru: Patamon!

Leaving Taichi behind, Patamon flies straight into Takeru's arms. Daisuke has a minor panic attack behind him, but Takeru and Hikari are thrilled to see their Digimon again.

Takeru: Long time no see! Hahahaha! Taichi: Guys! You came to help! Daisuke: Taichi-senpai! You're safe! Taichi: (stunned) Eh!? ...W...Why is Daisuke here!?

One of these people wasn't on the guest list. Though this did happen because Taichi fucked with that artifact so he really has no one to blame but himself.

Tailmon's turn! She leaps into Hikari's arms.

Tailmon: Hikari! Hikari: Tailmon!

Hugging her Partner, Hikari suddenly realizes that Tailmon's Holy Ring is now missing from her tail.

Hikari: What happened?

Flashing back to the start of the episode, Unimon's shot hits Tailmon dead-on and slams her against a tree. Unimon approaches, rearing up on their hind legs to stomp on her. Tailmon rolls away to safety, but her tail doesn't make it in time. The ring stops Unimon from crushing her tail and allows her to escape, but she loses the ring in the process.

When we return, we're now in the cave with the mysterious Courage artifact, where Tailmon finishes her story.

Tailmon: Somehow, I was able to escape. That human who calls himself Digimon Kaiser is brainwashing the Digimon.

In the dub:

Tai: They're real close by... There! Patamon: T.K.!!! T.K.: Patamon! (Patamon flies into T.K.'s arms) T.K.: Boy, am I glad to see you! Hahahaha!

Minor note: In the original, Taichi's looking down at his Digivice when Patamon suddenly senses Takeru nearby and flies off. Taichi then sprints off and follows Patamon to the others.

In the dub, Tai seems to be the first to spot them. This is despite the fact that he's looking down at his Digivice, and that he has to turn a corner in order to reach them in his next shot.

Tai: Hi, guys! I'm glad you all made it! Davis: Tai! I told those guys you'd be alright! Tai: Uh... Davis? What are you doing here!?

As with the departure scene, we really don't get the sense of how sincerely worried Daisuke was for Taichi-senpai from Davis's flippant dialogue.

Gatomon: KARI!!! Kari: Hahahaha! Gatomon! (Kari notices the missing accessory) Kari: Huh!? Your tail ring.... Tell me what happened.

The flashback proceeds with no dialogue, as in the original. Except for Unimon calling Horn Blaster when firing his shots.

Gatomon: One day, this bossy human appeared and began making Digimon into his slaves. He said, "I am the Digimon Emperor!" I heard we're all gonna have to punch a timeclock too.

Oh, shit. Quick, Gatomon! Unionize! It's your only hope now!

Gatomon neglects to mention that the Digimon being enslaved are under mind control. But we've seen the effects of those black rings for ourselves so we can make the connection.

As Tailmon finishes her story, the others have questions.

Takeru: A human? There's other humans here besides us? Tailmon: Yeah. He had a different kind of Digivice than the one Hikari has. Takeru: Is that....

Takeru and Hikari both look at Daisuke. It takes him a moment realize what they're waiting for, but then he fishes his alternate model of Digivice out of his pocket.

Daisuke: Like this? Tailmon: That's it! It was just like that! Daisuke: But this just flew out of the computer a couple minutes ago!

Daisuke, kinda panicking, backs up a few steps from the rest of the group. Implicitly, he seems to be worried that he just self-incriminated as the Digimon Kaiser.

Taichi, however, begins putting the pieces together.

Taichi: (thinking) That was one of the three lights that flew out of here. Daisuke has it... Does that mean... Daisuke is a new Chosen Child?

Meanwhile, back in the human world, Koushiro has to face the wrath of a Miyako who is not convinced by his poor lies.

Miyako: Where did everyone go? Koushiro: T-They all went home! Miyako: Liar! You're definitely hiding something, Izumi-senpai! What is the Digital World!? What is a Digimon!? Koushiro: Well, it's just-- Miyako: What is this!?

Miyako holds out her Digivice for Koushiro to see.

Koushiro: Why do you have this? Miyako: Iori has one too. Iori: (in the hall, on the phone) Yes, there's been a small change of plans. No, I'll come get the ohagi you worked so hard on.

So that makes four new Digivices that are now in play, but only three came out of the artifact. The Digimon Kaiser's came from somewhere else.

In the dub:

T.K.: Another human!? You mean that someone else comes here besides us!? There goes the neighborhood... Gatomon: Yeah. And he's got this strange new Dark Digivice that makes us unable to Digivolve. T.K.: (to Davis) Show her yours. Davis: Huh!? (Davis fishes his Digivice out of his pocket) Davis: Like this one? Gatomon: That's it! You work for the Digimon Emperor! Davis: WHAT!?!? I don't work for anybody! Besides, mine's not dark! I just got this thing when it came out of the computer! Tai: (thinking) So that's what came out of the egg when I picked it up: Three new Digivices! But why did Davis get one? What's his purpose in the Digital World? And more importantly, who got the other two Digivices?

Tailmon says nothing about a Dark Digivice or the Digivice making them unable to evolve. (Yet.) Only that there's a human menacing them with the same Digivice that Daisuke has.

The mention of the Dark Digivice makes it hard to buy that Davis could be the guy. He even points out that his Digivice is the wrong one, and the others seem to agree given that Gatomon only accuses him of "working for" the Emperor. The implied accusation is that Davis is him.

As a result, Gatomon's accusation comes out of left field. We already agree that Davis's Digivice is not the one that the Emperor has. So. What are we doing here, then?

Yolei: Where did everyone disappear to, Izzy!? Izzy: I-I told you already, Yolei! They went home! Yolei: I'm not letting you off the hook that easy! I know you're hiding something from me, Izzy! Now what is the Digital World and what exactly are Digimon!? Izzy: I-I don't know what you're talking about! Yolei: (holds up Digivice) Then what do you call this!? Izzy: (gasp) Where'd you get that? Yolei: Cody's got one as well. Cody: (in the hall, on the phone) No, Yolei's not coming over. We have to stay after school for computer club. But since you made the brownies, I'll come home and pick them up first.

Solid.

Back in the Digital World, discussion of the Kaiser continues.

Tailmon: That Digivice seems to be the reason that we can't evolve! Taichi: So that's what it is. Agumon: If only I could evolve, I'd mess him up!

Unbeknownst to the group, one of those black rings floats through the cave, making its way inside with them.

Tailmon: Because I lost my Holy Ring, my power's been cut in half. Patamon: And we got separated from Piyomon, Tentomon, and the others. Hikari: (furious) A human who's hunting Digimon!? Becoming king of Digimon!? That's ridiculous!

Tailmon losing half of her power is the in-universe justification for why she, a Digimon who is naturally Adult-stage, is now on the same level as Patamon, Agumon, and the rest. For story balance reasons, this is a nerf.

In the dub:

Gatomon: The Dark Digivice is draining our power and making us all as weak as newborn kittens! Tai: That's why you couldn't Digivolve! Agumon: Yeah! If I could Digivolve, he wouldn't stand a chance! Gatomon: The Digimon Emperor uses these powerful Dark Rings to control the Digimon. Patamon: Yeah, that's right! And once the ring captures you, you're enslaved for life! Gatomon: These collars do everything but get rid of fleas. Kari: (furious) Digimon Emperor! I'm gonna slap a Dark Ring on him!

They stay on-script until Gatomon's second line, then deviate to exposit about the Dark Rings. Fortunately, Izzy wasn't able to make the trip so the dub-exclusive exposition is, at least, fairly accurate.

Meanwhile, in his control room, the Digimon Kaiser is watching all of this unfold.

Kaiser: Hmhmhmhm! So you say. But this is just a game, and I can't stand rude trash who don't even know how to have fun.

He would get along well with Pinocchimon. The Digimon Kaiser is an antagonist who has aged very well, in this modern day of toxic gamers dunking on each other out of spite.

The Kaiser raises his finger and a set of buttons appears in the air in front of him.

Kaiser: I'll delete you.

He presses a button, pulling up an image of Monochromon.

Kaiser: Go, Monochromon!

Elsewhere in his base, he has a variety of captured Digimon crammed inside of tiny cells. A light shines inside Monochromon's cell and the ceiling opens. A platform raises Monochromon up into the world above, to carry out the Kaiser's wishes.

Every time I see the Digimon Kaiser's operation, I can't help but think he's a deliberate Shots Fired at monster-taming games like Pokemon, Dragon Warrior Monsters, or some of Digimon's own games. Our Chosen Children have raised their Virtual Pets with love and care, while this guy's out here playing Gotta Catch 'em All.

He wants to be the very best, like no one ever was.

In the dub, the Emperor responds to Kari saying she'll slap a Dark Ring on him.

Emperor: Hmhmhmhmhmhm... Oh, you think so, do you? Well, this is just a game to me. And I'm afraid that if you can't play by my rules, I'm just going to have to disqualify you. (Emperor brings up the console) Emperor: Hmm, who will destroy you. Eenie meenie miney mon! (beep) Attack, Monochromon!

This is an example of why foreknowledge of the series is useful during translation. When the Emperor says "This is all just a game to me," that's how the dub team interpreted the line "This is just a game". They're playing it for aloof condescension. Which, in a vacuum, is a reasonable interpretation. It sounds like evil banter. That is something a villain might say.

But no, he means that literally. The Kaiser thinks he's playing an immersive video game. He's not being dismissive of the situation; He's watching the kids talk about how mad they are at him and going, "What a bunch of salty tryhards! They're mad that I'm winning."

Back in the cave, the kids study the Courage artifact again.

Takeru: That... Isn't it the Crest of Courage? Taichi: Yeah, and it's really heavy.

Not taking Taichi's word for it, the others decide to try their luck picking it up. Takeru makes the first attempt but, despite his best efforts, he can't lift it.

Takeru: It's true! Hikari: Even though it's so small? (Hikari tries and fails as well.) Hikari: What is going on!? It doesn't even budge! Daisuke: I can handle a little thing like that!

Daisuke steps up to take his turn. He steels himself, squares his stance, and squats down to grip the artifact. Preparing himself for the ordeal, he musters his strength. Then he lifts.

It comes up so easily that he knocks himself over and falls on his ass.

Daisuke: WAUGH!!! Atatatat... Ugh, what the hell!? It's practically weightless! Taichi: (stunned) ...Daisuke....

Okay but Hikari loosened it up for him.

The dub slips a commercial break in here between the release of Monochromon and return to the cave. We return on quips.

T.K.: Looks like a deflated beach ball! No wonder; It's got a spike through it! Tai: Yeah. Plus, it's heavier than my mom's meatloaf! (T.K. tries to lift it and fails) T.K.: It won't budge! Kari: Move aside; This is a woman's job. (Kari tries and fails as well.) Kari: Urrrrrgh.... T.K.: Too bad we don't have a woman here to help! Davis: Guys, I pump iron all the time! Let me do it! (Davis pops it off, no problem, and falls on his ass) Davis: Whoa! ...what did I tell ya? Light as a feather. You guys need to work out a little more. Tai: There's a problem!

Dub T.K. in here delivering a "Sora will remember that"-worthy dig at Kari. Rude. Also, given that he has the same spindly little limbs as the rest of the cast, I find Davis's claims suspect.

I don't like that the dub cut the funny bit where Daisuke falling on his ass both hurt and pissed him off. I do, however, like the flippancy with which he dismisses the others' strength, blissfully unaware that this is a Thor's Hammer situation.

Taichi marveling at Daisuke's accomplishment is changed out to Tai noticing our next development.

Beneath where the artifact had been sitting is a hole in the ground. Orange light pours out of the hole and a figure slowly takes shape inside of it.

The figure is a Digimon, who throws himself at Daisuke with a familiar enthusiasm.

Digimon: Hooray! You did it! You did it! You moved the Digimental! I'm V-mon! What do they call you? Daisuke: D... Daisuke....

So already we see some differences between V-mon and a traditional Partner Digimon. He wasn't... programmed or what have you with Daisuke's personal metadata like the Partners were, and consequently isn't able to recognize Daisuke on sight.

Going into his rundown, V-mon is a Child-stage Free-attribute Small Dragon Digimon. The Free attribute means this Digimon does not fit into the Vaccine/Data/Virus triangle. It's something from outside that standard. Babies are typically Free attribute, but it's unusual for an older Digimon to be, and further hints that something's off about this Partnership.

V-mon debuted right here in the anime, but this isn't the first we've heard of such a creature. Nature Guardians featured the Adult Digimon V-dramon and Perfect evolution AeroV-dramon as Vaccine evolutionary paths for Piyomon, alongside Birdramon and Garudamon.

V-mon is clearly meant to be associated with those forms - Though, surprisingly, they will not be his evolutions in the series.

Narrator: V-mon! A naughty and mischievous Small Dragon-type Digimon, but with a strong sense of justice. He defeats his enemies with his special attack, a powerful headbutt called V-mon Head.

Really scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to name attacks.

V-mon: It's great to meet you, Daisuke! I've been waiting for you for a long time! Daisuke: Eh? Waiting for me? V-mon: Yeah! I've been waiting for the child who could move the Digimental of Courage! Taichi: (thinking) Digimental of Courage? If Daisuke moved it, then that means--

Taichi doesn't get to complete that thought, because suddenly the cave shakes. The Kaiser's fury has arrived.

Like most proper nouns, the word Digimental comes straight out of the Katakana デジメンタル Dejimentaru and is not a translation of anything. It's a composite of the brand's "Digi" with "elemental".

In the games and V-Pets they feature in, a Digimental can be used to imbue a Digimon with the power from the associated Crest. In theory, any Digimon that can use a Digimental could have a Courage form and a Purity form and a Hope form etc. etc. using one of these.

But the show character-locks them like the Crests which kinda defeats the purpose, and modern games have more or less done away with Digimental evolutions that don't feature in the show. Unfortunate, because they're one of the coolest ideas in the franchise.

The franchise didn't commit to them so now they're just a gimmick, adding extra steps to unlock a handful of Digimon that won't be very useful in late-game stuff anyway.

In the dub:

Digimon: Yahoo! Free at last! Free at last! You moved the Digi-Egg. My name is Veemon, but you can just call me Veemon! Davis: ...hi, I'm Davis.... Agumon: (rundown) I've heard of Veemon! Supposedly, he's a fun-loving adventure-seeking little Digimon that brings you good luck! But I thought he was just a legend! Veemon: Nope, I'm real, alright! And I've been waiting a very long time to meetcha, Davis! Davis: Uh, I think you've got the wrong guy. Veemon: Nope, you're the one alright! Because you're the only one who was able to move the Digi-Egg of Courage. Tai: (thinking) That's right! Even though I have the Crest of Courage, I couldn't move the Digi-Egg. But Davis could....

Hard to do a diegetic rundown for a Digimon that no one's ever met before, but Agumon throwing in "I thought he was a legend!" helps cover that. Though his explanation of V-mon being a mischievous prankster but with a strong moral fiber leaves much to be desired.

"Brings you good luck"? Agumon, what the fuck? In his defense, he's just reciting legends so maybe some details have shifted over eons of Telephone Game. XD

The more glaring issue is that they refer to Digimentals as Digi-Eggs. This is despite the fact that Digitama are already Digi-Eggs. Using the same terminology for both conflates things in a way that was very confusing to my childhood brain.

Uh-oh, out of time! The cave shakes violently.

Taichi: W-WAUGH!!! Daisuke: What the-- An earthquake!? Takeru: No! Up there!

Takeru points up through the little hole in the ceiling, where the Kaiser's Monochromon has arrived. It forces its way through, breaking the hole open further to grant it passage.

Monochromon: RRRRAAAAAAAAGH!!! Daisuke: WAHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S A MONSTER!!! Hikari: That's a Digimon too. Takeru: It's Monochromon!

As in the first series, Monochromon is an Adult-stage Data-attribute Ankylosaur Digimon. Fun fact, the Japanese word for ankylosaur is 鎧竜 gairyuu which translates literally to "Armored Dragon".

Narrator: Monochromon. An Adult-stage Digimon whose horn and shell are as hard as diamonds. Their special attack is an intensely hot fireball called Volcano Strike.

The original rundown mentioned that Monochromon is docile, but attacks relentlessly until their enemy is defeated if angered. This one foregoes that information in favor of explaining that they shoot fireballs.

Makes sense. Under the effects of the black ring, Monochromon's behavioral patterns aren't as important as they were on File Island. The fireball is more situationally relevant right now.

In the dub:

Tai: AUGH!!! Davis: What's that, an earthquake!? T.K.: No! Look up there! (Monochromon breaks through) Monochromon: RRRRAAAAAAAAGH!!! Davis: IT'S A MONSTEEEEEEEER!!! Kari: No, that's a Digimon! T.K.: Monochromon! T.K.: (rundown) Monochromon! His shell is harder than diamonds! His attack, Volcanic Strike, sends out millions of fireballs!

It does not. T.K. is embellishing to freak out Davis and that's very rude of him.

I do like using the veteran kids to deliver the diegetic rundowns, but I don't know why you would have him say this. We're going to see Monochromon use Volcanic Strike five seconds from now.

The Digimon give their best attempts at resisting Monochromon.

And by best attempt, I mean Patamon and Agumon fire off shots that glance harmlessly off Monochromon's diamond hide. Monochromon closes their eyes, braces themself, and tanks their shots without flinching. Meanwhile, Tailmon hangs back and provides moral support.

After weathering their attacks, Monochromon opens their mouth and prepares its Volcano Strike. Which would, y'know, be really bad in a confined space like this.

Takeru: That won't work! Run for it! (flees) Hikari: (flees) Taichi: DAISUKE!!! (flees)

Taichi's voice shakes Daisuke out of his shocked Freeze reaction and he joins the others in Flight. As the kids make it into the tunnel, Monochromon lets off Volcano Strike. The fire explodes at the entrance to the room, but the kids are already on their way down the tunnel.

V-mon: Daisuke, what are you doing!? Quick, you have to find your Courage! Daisuke: What are you on about!?

Monochromon races down the tunnel, nearly catching Daisuke and V-mon, but they emerge from the tunnel into daylight ahead.

As usual, the dub has Monochromon call Volcanic Strike as he shoots, even though this is a non-verbal Digimon.

Monochromon: VOLCANIC STRIKE!!! T.K.: Come on, let's go! (flees) Kari: Ah!!! (flees) Tai: Davis! (flees) (Davis shakes out of it and runs too) Veemon: Davis, hurry up and open the Digi-Egg! Davis: I don't know what you're talking about!

Neither of V-mon/Veemon's comments are super helpful.

Daisuke exits the cave, reaching the top of a hill, but Monochromon doesn't follow him out.

Daisuke: Huh? What happened? Taichi: (at the bottom) Daisuke! Over here!

Taichi tries to warn Daisuke to keep going, but only winds up distracting him. From inside the cave, Monochromon fires off another Volcano Strike.

V-mon: DAISUKE!!!

V-mon tackles Daisuke, shoving him down the hill as the fireball shoots past. Somehow, it then descends the hill so it can keep going at the lower ground level, and nearly hits Hikari too.

Daisuke survives the fall, just a bit roughed up, but his goggles shatter when he lands.

V-mon: Are you okay, Daisuke!? Daisuke: Yeah... Thanks.... V-mon: Daisuke, if you'd just find your courage... if you'd just say "Digimental Up"....

Yeah, the Not Magical Girls now have henshin phrases to go with their activation tools. It's definitely not Magical Girls though!

Taichi runs over to Daisuke.

Taichi: Daisuke! Are you okay? Daisuke: Y-Yes.... V-mon: Say "Digimental Up" and I'll be able to evolve! Taichi: What did you say!?

"Digimental Up" is English. Well, as English as the made-up nonsense word "Digimental" can be. But the "Up" is the English word.

Agumon emerges from the woods, along with Takeru and Patamon.

Agumon: TAICHIIIIII!!! Takeru: Hikari-chan's leg!

A short distance away, Hikari's seated on the ground, rubbing her ankle.

Tailmon: Hikari.... Hikari: It's just a little twisted.

Ah, the twisted ankle. A classic debilitating injury for female characters specifically in order to justify while they'll be helpless and vulnerable for a while. We see a lot of that one in media.

Suddenly, Monochromon lunges. Bounding off the cliff, they hurdle the boys and go straight for Hikari. Fortunately, I guess they leap straight into a time vortex left behind by Apocalymon 'cause it's gonna take them a full minute to land that jump.

Hikari: (terrified gasp) V-mon: Hurry! Taichi: Daisuke! Daisuke: Hikari-chan...!

Daisuke stands up, whips the broken goggles off his head, and throws them to the ground.

Daisuke: I'll try it. Taichi: ... Daisuke: DIGIMENTAL UP!!!

In the dub:

Davis: That was close! Tai: Davis! Get down here! (Fireball. Veemon says nothing and pushes Davis down the hill) Veemon: Davis, tell me: What hurts? Davis: Everything but my earlobes. Veemon: You control the Digi-Egg of Courage! You've got to use your courage to open it up! (Tai emerges from the woods) Tai: Davis, get up! It's not safe! Davis: Uggggh... Okay.... Veemon: I can Digivolve if you open the egg, but you have to have courage to do it! Tai: It's worth a try! (T.K., Agumon, and Patamon emerge from the woods) Agumon: TAIIIIIIII!!! T.K.: We've gotta get out of here! (Cut to Kari) Gatomon: Kari? Kari: I can't move my ankle! Tai: We're sitting ducks here! (Monochromon lunges) Kari: (gasp) Veemon: Davis! Tai: Have courage! Davis: Kari's in trouble! (Davis stands up and discards his goggles) Davis: You want courage!? I'll show you courage! Digi-Armor Energize!

"Digi-Armor Energize" is the dub's version of "Digimental Up", but it's a little awkward because nobody told Davis how to do this. All he's been told is to open the egg with his courage, with no practical instruction on the procedure.

V-mon, ARMOR SHINKAAAAAA!!!

Typically, a Digimon evolution only has them give their name at the finish, but Armor Evolutions get titles. This one is Blazing Courage Fladramon. Fladramon's evolution also gives us our first listen of "Break Up", the new "Show Me Your Brave Heart".

Fladramon introduces himself by bringing Monochromon down with a headbutt.

Taichi: He evolved!? Takeru: ... Hikari: ... Daisuke: Amazing!

Fladramon is an Armor-stage Free-attribute Dragon Man Digimon. The Armor stage exists outside the typical level-up hierarchy. Armor Digimon are typically treated as being on the same level as Adult Digimon, though some are far beyond.

Narrator: Fladramon. An Armor-stage Digimon who evolved from V-mon with the Digimental of Courage. Its special attack is Fire Rocket, which wraps its body in flames to pulverize its enemy. Kaiser: (control room) Armor Evolution, huh? The power from my Dark Digivice should have prevented him from evolving. Hm... They're pretty good, aren't they?

Demonstrating exactly how good they are, Fladramon stops Monochromon's charge and then hoists the colossal creature into a suplex.

The dub calls him Flamedramon, the Fire of Courage.

Tai: Armor Digivolve!? T.K.: ... Kari: Huh!? Davis: Whoa! What's that!? Flamedramon: (rundown) I am Flamedramon. As Veemon, I used the Digi-Egg of Courage to Armor Digivolve. My Fire Rocket attack will charbroil the enemy like a well-done steak. Emperor: Armor Digivolve, huh? Against the power of my Dark Digivice, they shouldn't be able to Digivolve at all. Hmm... They're more resourceful than I thought....

As Monochromon charges, the dub starts up Run Around, the replacement song for Hey Digimon which is honestly much better than Hey Digimon. Kind of a banger. They got the sound right for Badass Fuck 'em Up Song this time.

Monochromon may be down, but they're not defenseless.

As Fladramon tries to close distance, Monochromon lets off consecutive shots of Volcano Strike to keep him at bay. Fladramon stays on approach, punching the attacks out of his way.

Monochromon rises and charges, slamming their head into Fladramon and flipping him up into the air. Fladramon recovers in the air, powering up Fire Rocket and engulfing himself in flames.

Tailmon: Aim for that black ring!

As requested, Fladramon slams a blazing headbutt into the ring. It shatters, releasing Monochromon.

With the enemy defeated, Fladramon reverts. The energy from his armor goes into Daisuke's Digivice, then shoots over into a portable communication device in his pocket similar to the ones that Taichi and Koushiro have. Raising further questions about where these devices came from.

Daisuke takes it out of his pocket and flips it open, seeing the egg-shaped Digimental now stored on his screen. Meanwhile, V-mon returns to his base form and Hikari pets the previously rampaging Monochromon.

Hikari: You're okay now.

Now that the peril is over, her Convenient Damselizing Injury has recovered just fine.

In the dub:

Gatomon: Barbecue that Dark Ring, Flamedramon! (Flamedramon frees Monochromon and reverts, giving Davis his new gear) Kari: (petpet, cooing) That's a good Monochromon.

Small change: Tailmon directing Fladramon where to attack is now Gatomon cheering on the attack Flamedramon was already lining up. Remember that V-mon just got here and has zero context for why this Monochromon is attacking them. So far as he knows, this is just a brawl with some asshole who wants to fight.

Returning to the Digimon Kaiser's control room, a small caterpillar Digimon crawls in unnoticed.

Kaiser: It looks like I'll have to play seriously against you guys. Digimon: Ken-chan....

Takeru and Hikari see Monochromon off on their way. Hikari waves goodbye.

Takeru: To turn such a docile Digimon into a ferocious minion....

V-mon shakes hands with Daisuke.

V-mon: One more time, it's nice to meet you, Daisuke. Daisuke: Yeah! Taichi: (approaches) That was amazing! Armor Evolution! Agumon: We can't evolve, but your power could defeat the Digimon Kaiser! V-mon: Yeah! Leave it to me!

The dub puts its final commercial break here, and then we return to the Emperor's control room.

Digimon: You summoned me, oh evil emperor? Emperor: I believe that we've found ourselves a worthy foe at last. Digimon: Great! Just one question... What's a foe?

This is completely wrong. The Kaiser doesn't acknowledge the caterpillar's presence, and he certainly isn't going out of his way to interact with him. At the same time, the Digimon demonstrates a close connection by addressing the Kaiser by his real name, while in the dub he simply banters with the Emperor as an evil minion to an evil overlord.

Dub team has completely misjudged the relationship here.

Kari: Goodbye, Monochromon! Don't forget to write! T.K.: I can't believe the Digimon Emperor can turn such a nice Digimon into such a nasty creature!

This part's solid.

Veemon: Nice workin' with ya, Davis! Let's do it again sometime. Davis: Great! Tai: Hey guys! That Armor Digivolving was pretty cool! Agumon: Even though the rest of us can't Digivolve, I know that you new guys will be able to defeat the Digimon Emperor with no problem! Veemon: Yeah, leave it to me.

Also solid.

It's at this point that Taichi comes to a fateful decision.

Taichi: Daisuke, you really are a new Chosen Child. From now on, you will protect the Digital World.

He takes off his goggles and hands them over to Daisuke.

Taichi: Here. These are my goggles. Use them.

I mean, the mini telescope would probably be a lot more useful but sure. Thanks. Daisuke dons the goggles, accepting his role as Taichi's successor.

Hikari: They suit you, don't they? Daisuke: Eh? (smiling) You think so?

Once that's settled, they notice that the sun's going down.

Patamon: We should be safe now. Takeru: Eh? Why's that? Tailmon: The Digimon Kaiser doesn't come out at night.

It's almost like he has a bedtime schedule or something.

In the dub:

Tai: Davis, I think you were really brave back there in that battle but I noticed that you broke your goggles. And, as we all know, the leader of the DigiDestined just wouldn't look right without them. So here, I want you to have mine. (Davis puts on Tai's goggles) Davis: Wow... Kari: They look real cute! Davis: (embarrassed) Haha....

"The leader of the DigiDestined"? It's his first day, Tai. What the fuck.

In the original, he's just being inducted as "one of us now" but the dub goes full-on "Meet the new boss, everybody!"

Kari's line changes from a meta commentary on how Daisuke fits the role of the Taichi character to just. Flirting. I guess.

Patamon: Good! The sun's going down! Now we can relax. T.K.: Why's that? Gatomon: The Digimon Emperor never appears at night.

Straight translation.

Well, if it's getting late, we should probably get going too.

Agumon: Hey, Taichi, don't you have to be heading home soon? Taichi: Oh, that's right. I hope the Gate hasn't closed yet. (to Daisuke and the others) Where did you guys come from?

The kids lead the way back to their access point. Along the way, they can hear Iori and Miyako with Koushiro on the other side of the Gate.

Miyako: Aww... You're so late, Iori.... Iori: I couldn't help it. I had to go get the ohagi. Koushiro: This ohagi is delicious!

As the kids approach, we finally see what the Gate looks like on this side: It's a little TV displaying the human world from the connected monitor.

The trio back in the human world are taking their sweet time, enjoying their sugary confections from what appear to be takeout boxes.

Miyako: Ahhh, that was so good! So, should we get going? Koushiro: Eh? To where? Miyako: (points at the screen) Isn't that obvious? The Digital Wor--EUGH!?!?

Glancing at the screen, Miyako realizes that Daisuke, Takeru, Hikari, and Taichi are all visible in the Gate's little viewing window.

Daisuke: Hey! It's me! It's Daisuke!

The Gate activates. The children turn into light and are absorbed by the TV in the Digital World, making the return trip back to the human world. They explode out of the computer monitor, landing in a heap on top of Koushiro, Miyako, and Iori.

Agumon: @_@ It just sucked them in....

From here, we close out on the Digimon Kaiser, alone in his command center.

Narrator: And so Daisuke and the others returned to the real world. But who is this Digimon Kaiser who appeared all of a sudden? Now, a new adventure was about to begin.

Lot of unanswered questions hanging in the wake of these events.

In the dub:

Agumon: Excuse me, Tai, but it is getting late! Don't you guys need to go home soon? Tai: We sure do, but I'm not even sure if we can get home. (to Davis and the others) Be careful. Never stay too long. (They head back to the Gate) Yolei: Hey Izzy, Cody's back. Can we go to the Digital World now? Izzy: The Gate might close. It's not safe. Cody: But at least I got the brownies! Izzy: Mmmm, this is the best thing I've ever tasted! Yolei: Hey, what does it mean when the light on that thing goes on? Izzy: What thing? Yolei: That thing on the computer. I just saw the light go on--WAHHHHH!!!! (Yolei sees the others inside and freaks) Davis: HEY!!! Guys, let me in! It's Davis! (Davis and the others warp through the Gate) Agumon: ...you don't see that every day.... (dogpile in the human world) Izzy: GET OFF!!! YOU'RE CRUSHING MY BROWNIES!!! (Digimon Emperor) Emperor: Mhmhmhmhm.... Narrator: While Davis and the others have returned to the real world, the Digimon Emperor was planning his next attack. Can the DigiDestined stop him? A new adventure has just begun on Digimon: Digital Monsters!

Dub seems more interested in fighting the Emperor than figuring out his identity but this is pretty solid. Though Yolei gets an actual "No" from Izzy about going to the Digital World; It's funnier in the original, where Iori's ohagi errand has eaten up their entire window of opportunity and now it's just too late.

Assessment: We are off on a new adventure and you can already feel how different things are going to be this time around. We get to go home at night! We can just pop into the Digital World for a plot and then fuck right off.

Just from that alone, there's some "I had to fight Digimon uphill in the snow both ways! Kids these days!"

This episode is mainly an introduction to the new status quo. New villain, new circumstances, new protagonists. We'll be getting to know Miyako and Iori better in episodes to come, but Daisuke gets a lot of focus for this one.

[every-yumichika]