#i'd have so many good questions
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i know interviewing is harder than it seems and especially when the person fucking hates being interviewed but i feel like i'd do such a better job than 98% of interviewers who've talked to alex and co.
#and like this is just bc i know them so well#or rather know about their music and their history so much i should say#but journalists aren't hired to be a single artist's interviewer lol#so like i get it some of them are good at interviewing; say; billie eilish#but not you know. lana del rey#but this is what i mean like. i'd be a good arctic monkeys interviewer#i wish that was my job lol#i'd have so many good questions#i'd even ask them in the right tone of voice to not spook them :/#arctic monkeys
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oh my fucking god i don't have any clothesssss
#what moving to another country does to a mf...#it's like. i gotta shop for winter clothes ASAP#because i have like 2 sweaters and 1 sweatshirt like that's it LMAO#and a jacket i bought HERE#why did i not pack winter clothes when coming to fucking sweden you ask. good question#my baggage was already 30 kilos#im only one weak person#i already died that day due to my 30 kilo baggage many times#i had to ask random people to help me lmaoooooo the way i'd rather die than doing that in a normal day 😭#it was THAT bad..#and now i dont have anything proper to wear. fml#and i am so bad when it comes to clothes shopping like u have noooo idea#im terrible at shopping in general. :/#ughhhh i will try to do that this friday :////// hope i don't freeze in the meantime :////#🗒
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A Linked Universe meets The Dark Crystal AU! I don't even remember what started it at this point. I remembered that the Dark Crystal and Age of Resistance are things I like, blinked, and woke up three days later with an AU and a bunch of art.
The designs and the story are a wip and for fun so expect a lot of variation! (I have a few different beginnings, ideas for different designs, etc)! :D
In addition to #linked universe I'll be using the tags #the dark crystal lu au and #courage of the dark crystal!
#linked universe#tdc aor#the dark crystal lu au#courage of the dark crystal#lu au au#lu legend#lu hyrule#lu four#lu wind#I've made an au of the au I've gone too far help help-#I gotta get better at drawing gelfling! Their facial structures are very distinct#ALSO I went really big with the ears here lmao#the hugest ears ever seen on gelfling#TRANS ROOLIE TRANS ROOLIE TRANS ROOLIE YIPPEE!!!!#I drew this last month (except for Four) sO HAPPY PRIDE! Roolie gets WINGS! :D#I'm SO pleased with Wind's design! he's a lil fishy! and Four with the horned headband/armor in place of the lil ups in his bangs#gonna try to put the aureyal or symbol of the conjunction and triangles on all of them#IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE AU PLS ASK THEM#I'd love to tackle some worldbuilding mayhaps?!#I'm thinking of placing them somewhere before the first battle of stone-in-the-wood in the arathim wars#or after the events of the comics with Kensho and Thurma somewhere#and just figure out another reason for the crystal to be shattered. so many possibilities!#where's the crystal shard this time and how can I split it between them? >:3 niiiiine shards made whole >:3#quest for the ~~triforce~~ crystal#Hello from summer camp also! Lots of shenanigans!#I'm surprised I was able to draw Four at all last weekend I've been so busy!!!#having fun tho!!! we're having a lunch cookout at archery and campfire is tonight!!! It's going good! see ya!!!
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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the implication some version of animated teen tita.ns vaguely like ttg exists in comic canon.... i desperately need to know who in dick's life is a die hard show fan and how many times he rants he's 'not like that'
#the titan.s: is this fucking play about us??? like do they ever watch it did they sign off rights so many questions.#especially tt/g rob.in. i find him very amusing. silly little man. i want ten of them.#titans spoilers#tuesday spoilers#comic spoilers#interesting they'd make dick infected so quickly either that was (monologue incoming) apart of his plan all along#or babs is gonna lead the plan#i hate titan.s fighting titan.s but man do i love a good 'this isnt you' plot#like having to fight but you cant hurt the other because youre trying to save them UGH okay fine youve caught my interest current tita.n ru#also i know this art style has never missed but dick and gar.th are too handsome. like im not fighting you two whatever you say handsome#also also MOST IMPORTANT MERRY KORY CONTENT TUESDAY#very upset she yet again has to relive trauma but the panel of kory and donna hugging in the explosion will help me last the winter <3#* i'd love to write but it's just not realistic / ooc.
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I've followed your art for I think a handful of years now across a few accounts/platforms and while I always admired and love your art, i just wanted to say how much I ADORE your Vasco and Machete art. They bring me so much joy and I keep sending them to my girlfriend who isn't on Tumblr. I love learning more about them!! I love seeing them interact!!! I want to know more but I'm awful at coming up with Good Questions so also a big thank you to the other people prompting more art and info about them!!
That's so sweet, thank you! I'm glad to hear you like them! ;_;
Somehow it always makes me just a little bit emotional when people tell me they're showing my art to their non-tumblr friends and family.
#ironically only very few people in my irl circles are aware of my personal art accounts and what I draw#and I seldom have the nerve to share my works with them directly#answered#bones-n-bookles#I love receiving Good Questions and art prompts! don't be afraid to send them#though I'm kind of backlogged at the moment#there's so many excellent and inspiring asks I'd like to answer with a doodle or two#and they're just sitting in my inbox waiting for their turn
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Did all the requests I could today, hopefully I can get more done over the weekend, I don't like having requests older than a week in my inbox. Once I'm down to single digits again I might try out other request types, but I've been debating what I should try...
#Pokémon teams? do people like those? it's so up my alley‚ I'd love to try them out.#I was thinking different styles of moodboards and stimboards too‚ but I'd have to come up with a way to differentiate them all easily.#I don't do divination stuff. But I've always wantwd to try things like questions or something of that kind...#I just like talking to the people that frequent my blog. I guess. It'd for sure be a good way to do it.#Care kits!!!!!#Not fashion ones. I find those too stressful. But boy howdy do I love finding fun stim toys on etsy.#So many options... And I am only a little man with a little blog.#🔧 pit stop — chit chatting !#Excuse my rambling. I've been thinking about this for a while. And it seems like the kind of thing to post about casually.#Not to mention we already are 3/4 of the way to 200 followers!! Holy hell!
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me all of last week: why tf am i even more exhausted/fatigued than normal all i can do is go to jobs and then go to sleep and i can't even focus on it think about ANYTHING
me yesterday: *realizing I haven't taken my be-less-sleepy med for an entire week* Ahhhh... right...
#ran out on Monday but my psych changed clinics and my appt with her at New clinic want until thurs#i want able to get it until thurs#and then i completely forgot to add it into my daily med thingy until today 🤣#and today I'm just like WOW I'M NOT UNBEARABLY EXHAUSTED!!! I WONDER WHY- oh yeah#TJGFUGFHGHJ#Modafinil you are my hero of they ever try to take you away from me i will fight and i will kill#literally i am unable to do anything but sleep without it like I'm still so tired on it but it's a million times worse w/o it#and i only started it last year so i had to deal with too-sleepy-and-fatigued-to-literally-even-exist disease for god what since 2011 or so#anytime I'd bring it up I'd just be told to have better sleep hygiene or whatever bullshit#like I'm the kid who ALWAYS fell asleep in class and anywhere else THIS ISN'T A ME PROBLEM THIS IS A MY BODY PROBLEM 🙄#and anyways there's a reason I've followed my psych to 3 diff clinics she is INCREDIBLE#she's started me on so many meds that ACTUALLY HELP MY PROBLEMS!!!!#and literally never questions or doubts that the things i tell her i deal with are true it's just 100% belief in me#which is soooooo amazing and refreshing after an eternity of ppl never believing me about medical shit ever#and anyways I'm rambling far too long lol but yeah it's insane the utter life changing differences having good drs and right meds can make#and if i ever lose my night job i won't be able to afford ANY of this shit so... I'm trapped there for all eternity 🤣#it's not a bad job at all it's the whole having to have 2 jobs things that sucks#OKAY ANYWAYS SHOWER TIME BEFORE I RAMBLE INFINITELY MORE LMAO#chatterbox
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Everyone's on about Miguel beefing with a 15 yo, which sure it's funny, but y'all are letting the Spot, "I now declare this child that MY INVENTION inflicted this anomalous occurrence on, my lifelong nemesis", the ULTIMATE beef haver, to go unchecked.
#spireverse spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#you know at least miguel has the excuse that 15yo or not Miles's actions might cause TWO whole dimensions to collapse#assuming both pavitr's and miles' own dimension have a similar population to ours#thats SIXTEEN BILLION LIVES at stake babes#yah like no i'd also be going kooky crazy in his shoes#ofc his handling of Miles' situation wasn't good but that's not. precisely his job? Breaking the news shouldve fallen on Peter and Gwen#yanno. his actual friends? but they skirted around the subject too much so woops it falls on Miguel now#the most emotionally unsuited for this task guy possible. woopsies.#get ready for the most projection filled fight of your life kid cause it sure is cheaper quicker and easier than therapy!#I jest and the projection part is true but tbh i think too many people in the tags are interpreting Miguel being antagonistic to the rest-#as him having personal beef with children instead of him focusing (too much) on the bigger picture. like..isnt that his entire personality?#the 'fate of the multiverse' guy? cmon now.#the main issue is that miles Does Have To TRY- that's part of the canon event in the first place#trying and failing. if his plan of keeping him trapped until jeff died had worked then his dimension would most likely also collapse#if anything the way things are set up rn is sooo interesting because miles IS precisely on the way to fulfill a canon event#the question is - are they going to play into that- or is there going to be a twist. Gwen's realization that Her dad could in fact Quit -#comes to mind#i for one would find it really funny if the plot of the next movie is trying to convince jeff to quit his job but i doubt it jxnsn#my guess is that since this is basically the variation of the trolley problem where the singular person on the tracks is one you care about#(but said person is simultaneously also on the 5 person rail because if they don't die everyone does)#and miles has decided to just go and stop the fucking trolley itself fnsjsj#the plot's gonna go a bit more all out . /Beyond/ the previous scope- if you will#the only sticking point i have with this movie in general though is pavitr sticking with the group like.#“obviously he would've stuck with miles- he wouldn't want the guy to die!”so you think he prefers the version of events where everyone does#his friends? his aunt - whatever family he has- his girlfriend? EVERYONE?#yeah like nah until he can solidly know that shits gonna be fine in his home world i don't think it makes sense for him to fuck around more#yanno?#not that I dont want to see more of him- on the contrary I fuckin love his design to bits#just saying if miguel drops the bomb that his universe collapsed and my guy switches sides i would not be surprised
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i have so many problems and i am solving them one at a time but istg they're like tribbles
#wren does college#send me back... to the glue factory... i always thought i'd float away... etc#i am doing things!#but god i would like to do less#can't wait to... checks notes... go back to work#question is... do i bring my entire pillow with me and claim it as my small item on the plane?#it is not overly small but it is a good pillow and packing would be easier if i did not have to pack it#and i might have to ask my parents for an extra like $50-70 and i Do Not Want To for So Many Reasons#but i really do need to ship at least some of this stuff home#and the barbie movies and youtube aren't even loading for me
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the best part abt being enrolled in a calculus iii course is that it means i finally passed calculus ii. i have been enrolled in no less than FOUR different calculus ii courses, three of which failed to work out for various reasons, and literally NONE of this (calculus ii being a necessary course for me to take in college) would have happened had it not been for NUMEROUS FACTORS beyond my control but it's fine it's cool i'm learning NEW MATH for the FIRST TIME in FOUR YEARS and i am LIVING
#(i'd have taken calculus bc in high school thereby allowing me to take calc iii right off the bat in college had it not been for y'know.)#(The Numerous Factors Beyond My Control Which I Am Still Extensively Salty About To This Day)#like i don't even use the word salty like that very often anymore n i guess it's bc the slang fell out of use + i'm not as salty a person#as i used to be? idk BUT I AM STILL VERY SALTY ABT MANY FACETS OF MY MANDATORY EDUCATION AND THE DECISIONS OF SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION#i hate school admin sooooo much but Anyway#the first calc ii course i failed bc the prof sucked ass#the second calc ii course i failed bc of quarantine hitting. i'd have totally passed otherwise i'm pretty sure#the third calc ii course i withdrew from bc i didn't vibe w the prof n also it was in the evening#then the fourth one was last winter n i was convinced i got a D or smth but i guess the prof had mercy n gave me a C or smth#WHAT MATTERS IS THAT MY SISYPHEAN HELL OF NEVER KNOWING IF I WILL PROGRESS IN THE ACADEMIC BRANCHES I WANT#IS NOW OFFICIALLY OVER AND I AM FINALLY TAKING CLASSES I'D HAVE OTHERWISE TAKEN THREE YEARS AGO but it is okay#bc life keeps moving forward n i will keep moving with it#in other news my boss asked me if i'd like to basically take the lead on our afterschool programs n like.#if it keeps me from having to train for sports good lord i might as well even tho i can see like.#so much more work coming out of this bc if i'm gonna run smth or make anything out of anything i Need it to be Excellent#but what do you DO with a bunch of kids in an afterschool program???? my coworkers are like 'play sports outside'#and also i have many questions and requests to make to my boss when i see her next but it's cool i'm writing them all down#the worm speaks
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so I've been watching the KH Union Cross stuff (in order, thank goodness, this would be so confusing to piece together otherwise), and like, I knew enough about UX that the appearance of the foretellers at the end of KH3 wasn't confusing bc I knew who they all were, but getting the expanded, explained lore and I'm like okay, actually these weirdos in animal masks are pretty cool, glad to know they'll show up (presumably) in future games
also I'm glad that memorizing the Latin names for the seven deadly sins is finally paying off
#I'm still going to have to comb the wiki or something later to figure out some lingering questions#which I probably still have bc I got a condensed version of all the games for just the story content#so any weird bits of minor worldbuilding that occur due to like gameplay stuff I'd totally miss out on#or I just simply Don't Remember what something was when it was explained bc I was distracted by the outfit designs or something#(I am so distracted by character designs all the time and KH outfits are off-the-wall distracting)#but like overall actually the UX stuff is very interesting!#love to see that lack of communication and poor decision making is not just limited to the old men of the series#(except Merlin he's fine actually he's the only old man who does not seem to make poor life choices)#like wow so many issues might have been avoided if decisions were made differently#which I mean the story works great bc the tragedy is knowing that things could have been better but would never be#bc the characters wouldn't have made the decisions differently bc of their characterization#and UX being Oops All Prequels means it was fated to be tragic in some way or another bc like#you do not get the setting of KH w/out the tragedy of the first Keyblad War (and possibly other things?)#so like I'm fine with the characters making poor decisions bc it makes a good story but also Hot Damn#KH is just generations of mistakes and poor life decisions#and the kids are actually really doing their best at every turn even if they're against the absolute worst odds#and still the theme of the power of friendships persists...absolutely excellent#oracle of lore
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re: what fandom 'a little life' came from, my immediate knee-jerk thought was "backstreet boys." i have absolutely no basis for this other than Terminally Online Brain Worms esp bc..........there are 5 of those boyband fellas and as far as i remember only 4 main characters in that book lmfao. what can i say. the boyband angle feel right
yeah i'll incorporate that into my belief system
#fandom life#total speculation!!!!!! but i love it!#a little life#Ok but fr i think the time period of peak bsb rpf fits HY's age group#Also the (initial) thing of we are a group of successful handsome men all just kind of hanging out .. is very boyband au rpf ..#the nebulousness of the setting (in time period etc) is very fanfictiony to me the thing of everyone being successful in different fields#very fanfictiony#And one of them has a horribly traumatic backstory... classic fanfic trope! tho taken to extremes here. who here remembers#the 'rape recovery' fanfic trope. HY said what if that.. but no recovery . which sure is a valid artistic choice a valid question.#what if someone DIDNT get better. but full disclosure i could NOT finish this book i really felt i had to stop for my own safety .#as if people don't not get better all the time u know??? and as that one reviewer said . WHO in the world of this book#WOULDNT become a crystal meth addict. etc. there's no legit way out and that's a total authorial construction.#anyway i do actually think she's a skilled writer but i did not feel the compulsion to finish this book that so many ppl have felt#built different i guess. just walk out!#if you're a normie who never read any absurdly ott h/c fanfiction i guess it hit different tho!#mangoamango#asks#i welcome furhter speculation.... i always thought it was possible it was some band i'd never heard of or some 90s manga i never read#I did manage to read her first book 'the people in the trees' and yes i would describe it as 'good'#but it's like . imagine an ursula le guin book but evil
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Hey y’all! Weird question time! This one is passing out/syncope/fainting related (I did not pass out, this is a hypothetical question, don’t worry)
What’s the difference between passing out from low blood pressure and being so tired from low blood pressure that you can’t stay awake? I used to call them “non-optional naps” when my blood pressure would get so low I just could not keep my eyes open, and if I did not choose to go lie down and nap I would fall asleep sitting up. I’ve asked my dad this many times and all he says is “if you’d passed out you’d know” or, when pressed, he’ll sometimes say “if you pass out you’d be missing time when you woke up” but like you are always missing time when you wake up??? Because you’ve been asleep??????? I don’t know how to tell if symptoms I have experienced in the past and almost experienced today are passing out or if they are just extreme fatigue, and that feels like a potentially important distinction to have
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#tj asks weird questions#just in case this breaks containment: yes I understand neither of these options are very good#I do have a doctor (I have had...so many doctors)#and I do have medications I take for my health issues that help a lot. Unfortunately no amount of medication can perfectly take the place of#a fully functioning adrenal gland and/or autonomic nervous system#so I still have questions like this one#I'd like to say I've never actually passed out but honestly I have no idea#how would I know???? my grandma used to pass out midword and when she came to she'd just continue the word like nothing happened#most of the time I sit in such a way that even if I did pass out the chair would still support me and I wouldn't fall#can passing out be gradual instead of all at once?#like obviously the all at once would be worse (like with allergies)#but I have weird slow allergies so maybe I have weird slow passing out?????
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I was tagged by the lovely @thesadboisguidetolife to give this a go.
Rules: bold & color the ones that are true and tag whoever you want to do it too!
APPEARANCE:
i'm over 5'8” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don't often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards
HOBBIES & TALENTS:
i play a sport (or used to) // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can do a handstand
RELATIONSHIPS:
i have been single for over a year// i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online
AESTHETICS:
i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season
MISCELLANEOUS:
i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle// i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies //i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs
i'll edit this post soon to tag others (trying to shift my hyperfocus to, like, maybe i should cook and eat), but here ya go.
#so so many footnotes and endnotes on questions (wherever i felt vague about answers) that i fried this whole post the first time i tried#i usually like my pants loose and my shirts tight but i have a couple pairs of pants that break this rule because i look hot in them#as long as the pants dont feel like socks climbing my legs we're good#i have an earcuff that looks like a piercing#i'd like to get my ears pierced but i'm a bleeder. next time i'm on blood products i'll get my ears pierced#since i don't have piercings or tattoos i've gotten really into other jewelry#why are blue eyes singled out here?#my eyes are complicated: i guess dark blue-grey fading into a ochre/hazel corona (like the sun's corona) towards the pupil#haven't dyed my hair lately#my hair used to cycle orange red magenta purple blue (back and forth between colors listed next to one another) then black then start again#pink most recently purple will be next but i need a haircut#i wear eyeliner when Going Out (but right now i can't find the pencils i like - black and silver are my colors)#i took latin french italian and spanish but wouldn't claim proficiency in any of them. i'd like to learn spanish and italian#BEST FRIEND IS A TIER and many of those occupying that tier i have known for over ten years#why was autumn singled out? i have thougnts about the seasons#i prefer darkness but have really aggresive SAD#i take being cold very personally like how dare i ever be even slightly cold?#i am also blessed with AC#summer is my favorite season#extracurricular activities are high school and college and i'm past that#why was mexican singled out (and mexican - like many cuisines - has a lot of regional differences)? but: yes i like mexican food#the videogame i allude to is stardew valley#i'm bad at videogames mostly (things requiring exact timing and pushing particular combinations of buttons are where i fail)#(making a jump or aiming a particular attack at a crucial time)#me
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#going for a second interview at this company feels a lot like religion at this point#namely: you can't prepare because they don't do it like other people#you have no fuckin clue what they're gonna say who's gonna be there what questions they'll ask what they care about#& have no idea how much if any you'll be able to talk#& when you're done you will likely have no idea how you did#i went in like the last day of january & they only called me back now#but it was one of the co-owners instead of hr asking me if i'd found a job yet & asking me to come in#so i will#i had given up on it frankly#don't want to get too invested so we shall see if anything happens#(i say that & yet i'm spiraling inside with all sorts of paranoias about our relationship & the shortness of life & the question of kids#idk.#in a lot of ways the last few years feel like they've turned me on my head & i have no idea who i am anymore or what i want#i have moments of passion & determination but not many & it often feels pointless#i feel helpless to do any of the things i really want to#maybe money will change that & maybe not#all i know is i need a change but i'm terrified of it all the same#i wish i could get over existentialing to death in every phase of my life#and not realizing how good it is/appreciating it until it's over
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