#i'd been meaning to watch it for literal years

[writing-flower]

“ Between life and death, death is tempting ”

First act: “From the roots”

Prologue: “Happy fifteenth birthday! (Again?)”

WARNING: Mention of blood and death.

My memory had never been the best, it was good, but not exceptional. Nothing out of this world.

I wasn't as smart as Damian or Tim, I wasn't as strong as Jason or Dick, nor was I as sharp as Bruce Wayne.

I wasn't exceptional, but I was good, but not good enough for them. For him.

God, I was so focused on getting his attention, playing sports, try to pass every subject with the highest grade, join any club like debate or math.

Anything, but all that never leads to anything.

Well, almost nothing, everything I did only caused Damian to see me as a desperate for attention, which, he wasn't wrong.

But still, it didn't make it hurt any less, every insult, malicious insinuation even the occasional threat flying through the air, each one was the result of three years of trying to get someone to look at me.

Sometimes that attention only appeared with Dick, on the few times that he came to visit and came across a scene of me with Damian, He immediately stopped him.

Forcing him to apologize, spoiler, he never apologized.

The first time it happened I thought that my attempts had finally yielded good results, but no, I dare say this was worse.

As if he gave me hope and then suddenly he snatches it away without any fanfare.

Oh wait, that's literally what happened.

And about the others, I didn't even have the chance to talk to them, simply because I was already tired and also because if Damian continued he would have more reasons to screw me.

And let's face it, nobody wants to feed the wolf because you know it bites.

In this case, the bird.

It didn't help that almost the entire family was going on patrol, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in being part of that, but then I remember Jason...I immediately got that idea out of my mind.

Mm, but if I stop to think, or rather, remember, another thing that I learned in my attempts to get my family's attention, I fell in love with dance.

It was the only class that I didn't drop like the others, I genuinely loved it.

Once in her class, the teacher made us all dance with large, long, and thin fabrics. She made us dance what we wanted, in her words: “Dance as if you were free”.

My companions danced with joy, I just stayed silent for a few moments watching them without knowing how to start.

But then I sighed to close my eyes, letting my body move as it wanted.

“Dance as if you were free” I thought, I started to imagine the music in my head. It was nice, I love it.

I went from knowing what the hell to do to starting to laugh with my classmates, I turned around and then curtsied, feeling how almost all the fabric covered my body.

I open my eyes and see my entire audience applauding, not just me, but also the rest of the dancers.

As soon as I turned eighteen I followed my teacher's advice. I didn't do it before because I was a minor, I needed my tutor's permission and blah blah blah...

Contact with my family at this point was zero, except for the new member, Duke, a sweet and kind boy.

Just looking at him made prayers come to mind for Bruce.

“If you let this kid end up like Jason, I’ll take care of throwing the Joker at you myself, you unhappy idiot.” I was thinking but also listening as Duke energetically told me what his first patrol had been like.

I used to have a certain respect for Bruce, I mean, he's Batman and he does everything in his power to make sure Gotham isn't in such a shitty place.

But then I remember that he keeps adopting children as if they were dogs to give them "A better life" by turning them into human weapons.

Sooooo, yeah, I wish that every day he wakes up with a backache and a headache.

"[Name]"

"Yes dear?" Through the mirror I watched Duke looking at me hopefully as I put on my makeup for the upcoming performance in an hour.

Oh no, I already know what he's going to ask.

"Why do you never come to the mansion?" God, I swear he does that look on purpose, brat.

I sigh as I turn around to look at him.

"You already know my answer, I have no reason to do it and I don't want to either." I said as I turned back to the mirror to continue.

"Yes! I know, but why exactly don't you want to?"

A silence reigned in the room, putting on my makeup but at the same time thinking about what to answer him.

As much as I resent the Waynes, they didn't do anything to Duke, until now, they treat him as he deserves and the last thing I want is to plant that seed of hatred towards them in Duke.

Because I know him, as soon as I tell him what my childhood was like in that mansion and those responsible, the first thing he will do is complain.

And at this point in my life I don't want any unnecessary drama with them.

I lowered the lipstick and looked at him.

"I never liked being in that mansion, since I was little I was always afraid of those giant, dark hallways, and I still am."

Duke stared at me in bewilderment. "Is that the only reason you don't want to come to the mansion?"

I nodded. "It sounds stupid, I know, but every time I walk down those halls it brings back bad memories."

That wasn't a lie.

Duke was silent for a few moments before coming up to me and hugging me.

"Aww, honey you are such a sweetheart sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah, because you can be a brat sometimes too." I laughed as I ruffled Duke's hair until it was disheveled.

"A white lie won't hurt anyone." I thought while Duke laughed and tried to pull my hand out of his hair.

Without realizing it, it was already time to start. I said goodbye to Duke, telling him to go back to the mansion, but he insisted on staying.

Something I allowed, GOD, I should have begged him not to do it.

Because from one moment to the next while I was dancing, all the lights went out and when they came back on I felt like blood was flooding my mouth, like everyone was screaming in fear.

What happened? Why am I bleeding?

Duke, he was next to me trying to keep me awake, to not close my eyes.

It got to the point where I couldn't hear anything he was saying, it was complicated while I felt like a part of my body was bleeding non-stop.

I hate to see him cry, please look away... leave me here.

Please...

I don't want the last thing I see to be you crying...

Please...

She opened her eyes calmly and confusedly, all she could hear was the ringing in her ears. She thought she was in a hospital because of the light.

But when her vision stopped blurring, she realized that the light was not from a hospital spotlight, but from the skylight in the wooden ceiling.

"Wait...Skylight?" She muttered, feeling her voice raspy and her throat sore.

The bed wasn't that soft, it was really hard and uncomfortable but still [Name] didn't want to get up, after almost dying...

[Name] sat up in bed right away.

"I ALMOST DIE!" She literally jumped out of bed and ran to the closet to get her clothes.

She needed to see how Duke was doing, his desperate face and the way he held back the urge to cry and couldn't, broke her heart.

But it was when she pulled out a t-shirt that she realized.

"This isn't my size..." Confused, [Name] walked over to the mirror.

If Duke broke her heart, now she's literally having a heart attack.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" [Name] could swear that any living thing that was near her would have run away in less time than it takes a rooster to crow.

She touched her face carefully, as if it would disappear or break if she touched it hard, this is so weird...a woman in her late twenties trapped in her fifteen year old self, god, what a hell.

[Name] She stepped back without taking her eyes off the mirror while she sat back down on her bed.

On the other side of the door, she heard someone knocking on it two or three times. Accompanied by a soft but direct voice calling her name.

"Miss [Name]"

[Name] immediately turned around to stare at the door, for a few short moments no one said anything, there was only silence.

"Are you okay? You didn't come down to breakfast. That's not something usual for you." Alfred said once he got no response from her.

"Yeah, I'm fine Alfred...I just stayed up late last night that's all..." She didn't know what to say, obviously it wasn't okay, but she didn't want any more problems in her head, she just wanted to focus on the main problem.

She literally just got younger, which would be a good thing if it weren't for the fact that she also came back to this damn mansion.

"Okay, miss, I'll be waiting for you with your breakfast, you need to eat something before you start the day." [Name] was about to reply until Alfred stepped in. "Also, Happy Birthday Miss."

She didn't say anything, she didn't want to.

Alfred walked away from the door, [Name] could hear his footsteps moving away through the hallways and down the stairs.

"Was it always this quiet?" She muttered in her mind as she turned her gaze back to the mirror.

She thought about her life before coming back here, it wasn't good, she didn't earn much from dancing, but... it was her life, a life that took her time to perfect.

And now, I go back to the beginning? Shit, no.

"Alive or dead, I don't care, either way I'm getting out of here..." She said with some frustration and tiredness. "Happy birthday to me...that's new."

With nothing left to lose, she gets back out of bed to find some clothes to change into.

It was her birthday and she had to look good.

And hopefully, it would be the last birthday she would spend in this mansion.

NOTES: Hi, I hope everything is okay, even if it's better than me, I had finished the 'prologue' a while ago but I was feeling a bit unsure that something felt out of place or "weird".

I repeat and reiterate, I can understand English but in terms of speaking/writing it I am still learning. Until I feel completely confident for now I will continue using the translator (my savior).

But if there are any errors (probably some, I hope not many) let me know, I want everyone to be able to read comfortably and as long as I can I will make it happen.

Anyway, I hope you like it, I love you! Muak muak💋💋

TAGS:

@crazycaoticsimp @closetreader1864

[gallawitchxx]

weekly tag wednesday thursday

thank you to @jrooc @energievie & @suzy-queued for tagging me in this week's survey! i'm a bit nervous to answer some of these questions in my current state of being, but here goes nothing!

name: bee

age you are mentally: probably 94

top 3 fics that came out last year (that you can remember at this point lol): 1. how to disappear: a traveler's guide for delinquents and miscreants by @deedala 2. the old habits universe by @whatthebodygraspsnot 3. the most delicious hitmen au as part of wanna go again? for kinktober 2024 by @wehangout

add in any authors who you read all of their things: oh my god, so many in addition to dee, ray & jen above - @crossmydna @catgrassplantdad @captainjowl @mmmichyyy @palepinkgoat @thisdivorce @whatwouldmickeydo @howlinchickhowl @iansfreckles @gardenerian etc etc etc WE ARE SO BLESSED

fave artist/band/singer/group your discovered last year (has to be new to you, not new): oooh trousdale! especially "if i'm honest," which is suuuuch a bop!

one thing you learnt last year that you’re taking into 2025: you have to advocate for yourself & you have to do it every moment of every day asldkj

was it a good year or bad year? 2024? it was a total trash fire honestly. also the good was very good! but mostly it was just Big Bad from beginning to end.

is there anything superstitious you do to try and continue that vibe or absolutely change it? hmmm, i mean, i am a witch, so there are plenty of altar spaces around. but i've also been leaning more on inner strength than external craft these days. so i guess i'd just say i'm going to continue being in really good, grounded relationship with myself?

fave WIPs you're following into this year: absolutely stealing deena's answer of notting hill by @darthvaders-wife - that comic? series? has me in a chokehold. as does deena's drabble series the lord & the footman.

are you doing any January ‘get healthy’ things? LOL this one's laughable for me because i'm very sick & literally broken & there's not much to do about it until some new doctors figure some new things out! BUT i am staying on all of my meds & resting & continuing to do things that light me up, while modifying them to my current state of being. but whew, idk if 'getting healthy' is what i'd call it alkdajl

more random questions ~~ did you consider yourself an avid reader before you found fanfic? omg totally. i'm a huge reader.

do you read books as well as fanfic? yes (but not as many as I used to!) or no: fanfic or die -- hahahahaldkj fanfic or die cracks me up, but i do read books in addition to fanfic, yes!

what are you doing to survive this january so far? taking things one day at a time, remembering to breathe, loving up on my wife & pup, writing writing writing, drinking water & good coffee, chatting with my pals, watching reality tv... i'm actually grateful for so much & surviving pretty well, all things considered.

tagging @heymrspatel @catgrassplantdad @whatthebodygraspsnot @whatwouldmickeydo @howlinchickhowl @gardenerian + whoever i tagged above + whoever wants to play! tag me! let me read about your coping mechanisms! i love you! xx

[gammagoop]

tv show ☝️☝️☝️☝️

[sysig]

A very normal scientist doing very normal gene splicing experiments (Patreon)

[vimbry-moved]

the first real experience I've had of being fascinated by technological developments in adulthood is getting on a bus that has charging ports in the seats and a screen displaying the route with an announcer.

[parasitoidism]

ramblings of insane person

[dramas-vs-novels]

Yeah... I remember seeing the architectural design majors at my uni having this breakdown each semester...

[leafy-m]

So I hit my 700th edit for the WHA wiki today, because I am a totally normal person

[neechees]

I love my niece and nephew but my sister literally keeps dumping them with me & expecting me to babysit without paying me despite the fact she has a job, & I'm tired of being treated as free labor for her

[zickmonkey]

No unfortunately I do have the travel bug now- I listened to the Outlander theme song a little to hard and now I have to go back to Scotland. I didn't do it right last time.

[running-in-the-dark]

just realised something random: I've always been kinda sad that there isn't any media that my parents liked and shared with me, that sort of thing. I know of things that they like, of course, but it was never something they showed me or anything.

and I just realised that's because it was never something nice, something fun, something they wanted to share - no, they only ever brought up things that they liked as a way to say that everything I liked was bad.

[pankomako]

sometimes i think about interactions boat and i have had and things he's said to/about me over the years and it makes me feel as though i must occupy some little space in his heart. like i live in his mind rent-free the way he does for me, although not nearly to the same extent lmao.

speak of the goddamn devil i just got a steam notification he's playing tf2

anyway i never thought i'd have that kind of effect on a person, much less my favorite content creator. but it sure appears to be that way, and idk. it makes me feel special. warms my heart n all that :)

[deaneverafter]

"No hate, but Jensen is a chauvinist, because his wife was a stay at home mom when the children were young, no hate though, haha, no hate, what an evil Texas man", so true, worstie, because taking his wife's choice away and forcing her to work would've been very much feminism, right? 🙄

I literally have had it with this false narrative that Jensen has Danneel chained to the stove in the basement or something. She's a stay at home mom who more or less retired and stopped working, because she chose to do that. Because that's what she wanted to do. It's pretty sexist to say that it's anti feminist if a woman is a stay at home mom, because feminism is about choice, whatever choice someone makes, not the specific choice you're okay with. And it's actually awful to slander Jensen when all he did is respect her choices. Would it be better if he was forcing her to work? If her being a stay at home parent really is a problem for someone, idk, take that up with her, I guess, because I can say this with certainty, no one made her do that, or do anything else, least of all Jensen.

[scarlettfevor]

There's this guy whose channel is rly popular on booktube whose rant reviews of bad books come across my feed sometimes, but I refuse to watch any of them because 1.) I like how majority of the people in book related communities are women 2.) I hate men but most importantly 3.) I honestly don't see how you can make these 3, 4 even 8-hour videos about one bad book

[grimbeak]

again not pissed off enough atm to write another rant about it but it is pretty annoying that they keep just. forgetting to release episodes for hours at a time and only releasing the transcripts. like if it's trouble with software can you just tell us that

[ratspider]

i have literally never been a dog person but lately i've been hit with What If I Got A Dog and it's rockin my world to be quite frank with you