#i'd be even up for like
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summer of junior year 06/11
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#fabian seacaster#adaine abernant#the bad kids#this is like. the First time I put down a palette for the kids lmao#I thiiiink its pretty consistent with the tones I did with my early sketches? iirc#gods. Ive been staring at this for Hours. I need to sleep lol#summer... it is happening. I feel like that always brings with it big emotions for me#it is. a little bit funny to me that whether these kids get a peaceful summer or not depends fully on how many roll20 campaigns happen#between now and a definitive end/last season of fh lmao#but also the last ''summer'' movie I watched was uhhh summer of 84. which. mmmmm#grim affair! so I'd need to stock up on less gloomy stuff to even think abt this...#well. what I need right now is sleep. so sleep I shall. thank u for tuning in today. see u again I think
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Messing up while trying to learn healthier coping skills or communication skills doesn't mean your progress ceases to exist.
If you lashed out at someone during an argument instead of using your coping skills, it's okay to forgive yourself. If you reacted based on your emotional urge instead of looking at the situation, that's okay. It happens.
No one is perfect all the time. I think we expect so much more of ourselves. In my case, because I felt so ashamed of who I used to be. It makes me feel extra pressure to "do better". But the reality is, people who aren't in recovery mess up too. And sometimes they may not even notice it.
You don't need to beat yourself up about it. In fact, beating yourself up about it doesn't really help anyone. You can learn from it. Was there something going on that made it harder to use your coping skills? Was there a certain trigger? Maybe a bad day? Take your new knowledge and move forward.
Your progress still very much exists. I promise.
#my post#i failed a lot when i self taught myself skills#i'd use really great communication skills for awhile#and then i'd ignore them to act on my emotions#even now i still mess up#it doesn't happen nearly as much#and i think i will always mess up#because i am human#but i can be accountable#and do better#also like#how i react after messing up is different now too#i apologize#i admit what i did wrong#and i try to do better
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Haven't drawn her in forever ah.
#fmab#fma#Fullmetal Alchemist#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#lust the lascivious#my art#sorry i rarely post anymore *sobbing* *choking* *throwing up*#hope you all like it's been awhile as usual#i haven't posted anything since December want to scream#I'd been working tho so that took a lot outta me but even when I wasn't I was always so tired and didn't have the energy for art#I also made transparents for these and put them on my pixiv in a mini log
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park "i'm not gonna do any real flirting, just gonna stare at the woman of my dreams until she noticed my pathetic level of yearning radiating off of my aura and big brown eyes" gyeong sok
#he's so stupid#looking at her like he will get himself pregnant no matter what if she's just asked#hyunju also lowkey think he's kind of a loser but she's too kind to even entertain that thought longer than 2 seconds#like imagine this random man started following you around after mingle like a lost puppy#when he's seems like one of those people who doesnt wanna get attached to anyone in this game#i'd be like back up?? omg#anyway#mine#squid game#squid game season 2#hyunseok#cho hyunju#park gyeong seok#player 120#player 246#120 x 246
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Dude I can't Luka's expressions in wiege fuck me up so bad all the parallels between Luka now and himself as a child get me so fucking bad like:
The wiege MV (for the mostpart) is about going back to the beginning. It's about the in-betweens we didn't get to see. It's about the journey and it's about all the small moments that built all the characters (most importantly Hyuba and, imo, Mizi) up into what they came to be. For better or for worse, Hyuna and Mizi both grew up so far from what they used to be, went through the whole spectrum of experiences that humans in their position could possibly have, and its shown by the wide range of scenes/experiences/flashbacks they have just how much they've lived.
Meanwhile Luka, who is, objectively, on top of everything, far above what Hyuna, Mizi, and everyone else could've been or ever was, is by far the most stagnant as a person. Where we see Hyuna and Mizi go through all the motions of loving and losing and loving again (and losing again), Luka has always been stuck on Hyuna, and the second he sees her everything he's built up to is all thrown to the wind without a second thought, without any fanfare, because nothing for him as changed.
Internally, Luka's still sitting against that tree in the garden and watching someone else grab his hand, Luka's still watching Hyuna count with his fingers and making him laugh for the first time ever, still clinging to her arm, still crossing the grass field to reach her.
Even years later, even as an adult, he's still looking at her like she's his salvation. When he sees her again on the stage he looks at her like he's just found his way back home after far too many years away from it, and when that gun is pointed at his head to stop him he looks at it like he's wondering why he's not allowed back inside.
And then when he looks at Hyuna more and remembers the moments with her that he's been clinging onto more he forgets about it entirely. And then you know what happens from there. I'm sickkkk
The fact that a lullaby. A Fucking Lullaby, and presumably a song that most if not all kids of Anakt know and learned when they were still young (see: that scene of the main 4 singing it) was the song choice for this video. The fact that seeing Hyuna, just seeing her again like that is what brings that lullaby back, a melody from the beginning of it all that should be so far beneath Luka by now, but isn't. I can't bro.
Luka, live with love. Or whatever. Augh I don't even know
#alnst#alien stage#alnst luka#luka alnst#alien stage luka#alien stage hyuna#alnst hyuna#thank you vivinos i think this is going to fuck me up forever now actually i can't even#i knew it i literally Knew from like the Second i saw this mf that i'd have some shit to say about him#and that time has come#i've been speechless about this damn video for the past like 2 hours man i can't#he. augh.#the way that he ran to her to hug her#and hyuna hugged him back. but only when she was dying only when she was sure he was safe#only to drive home the point when she told him to live with love and forgive himself again and again endlessly#i can't i'm so done vivinos#vivinos when i catch you#idk if any of this made sense well whatever this is my contribution to the alnst doomsday event i guess
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Please please please, may I request a doodle of Martin taking care of a delirious/feverish Chris 🥺
(He asked nicely 234293847 times already, violence is the only solution)
#wild kratts#littlecrittereli#asks#chris kratt#martin kratt#wild kratts fanart#kratt brothers#I'd like to think Martin is someone who claims he's on his deathbed the second he sneezes#And Chris would literally BE on his deathbed before he even admits to feeling unwell#Martin is trying to be a good brother and is like go rest ill make you some tea#and Chris is like shut the fuck up#and this is the result
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Aubrey Plaza in Addicted to Fresno (2015)
#aubrey plaza#addicted to fresno#jamie babbit#filmedit#filmgifs#aplazaedit#dailyflicks#wlwgif#wlwsource#dailywomen#nessa007#usersugar#userzo#mine#my gifs#RAWRRRRR#sorry. yeah#quite a delightful little movie for a lazy evening. however i hyped it up for myself immensely#as it is by a director of but im a cheerleader#(didn't get around to watch it for literally years)#and couldn't help to be kinda disappointed#i love that kind of restrained awkward comedies but i feel like they could've done more with it#however the cast makes the movie so it's a good watch!#also if i were in a situation where aubrey plaza is into me i'd drop everything and focus ON HER. sorryyyy
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Consider for a moment: A slow-burn identity reveal “no one knows” AU with an emphasis on ghosts being taken seriously as an actual, world-changing threat.
Ghosts are treated as an exceedingly dangerous, but unavoidable force of nature. They can come and go without warning, through naturally occurring spontaneous portals. They're territorial, driven only by obsession and hunger for the living. Particularly powerful ghosts are on par with natural disasters.
Life goes on because there's simply no other option. All major buildings have varying levels of ghost shields, some stronger than others. Just about everyone has some form of personal shield, weapon, or general deterrent. For the most part, humanity takes this apocalypse in stride, barely keeping it all together because there's just enough safety to keep them all sane.
Which is why the rumors of Phantom being able to fully mimic a human body incites panic in Amity.
Phantom was already a nightmare as it was–one of the most powerful and intelligent ghosts on record. His territorial fights with other ghosts for haunting (hunting) grounds in Amity have made global news several times already. Powerful ghosts could appear more human–but to think he was transforming down to a cellular level? Hiding among them? Bypassing ghost shields and alarms? Picking them off one by one?
The focus is mostly with Lancer's class, and how the school deals with this new threat on top of everything else. Everyone is a suspect, no one is safe, and Danny Fenton in particular gets slowly more and more exhausted, apathetic, and… unnerving.
The stress, the lack of sleep, the fighting, no one to turn to, not even his best friends or family–it takes a toll on him. Starving himself doesn't help, but he refuses to do more than take small bites from the ambient life energy and emotion of the living around him. Nothing that won't actually do lasting harm. He begins to slip up more and more, which Sam and Tucker begin to notice but haven't quite connected the dots yet.
But, well. What else can Danny do when Pariah Dark comes knocking on Amity’s doorstep, and his whole class is in the line of fire?
#Danny Phantom#zilly squeaks#btw i very much hc that ghosts are so intrinsically WRONG to all our senses that Phantom basically has a built in de-recognition spell#people surmise he's a young adult but that's about it#like they can see him perfectly but their brains refuse to connect his face to a human face#anyway i have brainworms this Friday night. how are y'all doing#kinda want Danny's friends and classmates to be terrified of Phantom#as a treat#(the treat is for me)#also there's not enough Mr. Lancer i love that man#by the way if anyone wants to write this#uhhhhh STRONG possibility I'd make you a ton of art for it#if you'd like to collab even. hit me up
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her
#trucy wright#apollo justice#ace attorney#.png#ough ough ough how many times has she helped 'ruin' someone's life...#like what if when she was so desperate to help phoenix get acquitted she gets hit in the face with the realization that#she might just be ruining her new-found brother's life too#so yeah. how would she even bring that up#haha hey polly. remember that time i handed you fake evidence. well did you know i saw your bracelet and remembered my mom had one too. fun#by the way did you know she told me she had two and gave one to her first-born who she lost a long time ago#like do we know how much trucy remembers about their mom. no! that's why i think this could work#ough i've wanted to make this comic for so long but i never knew how to format it#well i drew the first panel as warm-up and then was like. why not go all the way....#that way i'd be forced to really think about composition
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crunch time
the deadline is fast approaching! which means the post-its will multiply at a similar speed. i'm still working on the data analysis even though i should have started writing already. but can't really write about much without the data analysis. so i need to finish that asap!
the date for my last exam was finally released and luckily it's about three weeks after the defense so i can now fully focus on finishing the report and preparing the presentation without having to worry about studying :)
#physics#studying#university#studyblr#it feels weird that the end is in sight now. this degree has taken forever!#it's probably going to feel even weirded once the project is over and i've only got the exam left#but considering that pretty much every previous exam season i'd felt like i was going to fail and wanted to give up#i actually feel fairly positive at the moment that i can finish the degree and will pass both the project and the exam#it's weird to have any positive feelings about this degree lol#but a nice change#anyway enough talking. i now need to go and actually make it happen#see you on the other side!
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i'm sorry but why does sebastian look like a mourning dad who can't accept the fact that his child is dead so he keeps reading to him every night out of habit
#dadbastian but TWISTED >:(#look he even made him tea the way he normally would!#okay no but this is actually super sad#can someone write a oneshot about this i'd eat that shit up#that ciel in wonderland ova felt like i was on acid the entire time this is the only way i can make it bearable#im begging someome PLEASE write this#sebastian in his mentally unstable sad dad era#i don't really like season 2 or the ovas but this scene stuck out to me#dadbastian#kuroshitpost#sebastian michaelis#black butler#kuroshitsuji#ciel phantomhive#mombastian
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isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine
but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day
#ramble#idk if this is a me problem or not#i've tried to do the early rise early bed thing again and again and it just does not work for me doing freelance right now#maybe it's bc i used to work at a bar so i'm more comfortable being active in the evening#i love working at night because there's less going on to distract me#what used to happen is i would get up early then fight executive dysfunction all day saying i couldn't do fun stuff until i did my work#then my will to work would hit at 10pm and i'd be up till 2am anyway#right now my routine is waking up later and playing a game or knitting for an hour or so and then working in the afternoon and evening#something something capitalism and 9-5 and adhd don't go together#this sounds like i'm just making excuses but it works and i'm actually getting shit done and sleeping enough so i don't see the problem#i just figured i'm probably going to sit and do nothing for a few hours in the morning anyway so i might as well give myself permission to
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I made a silly uquiz while dog sitting"
(This is very Tumblr-core. There are many like it, but this one is mine.)
#i feel like the 'kinds of tragedy' that Tumblr comes up with are always like the same three#tried to get a little bit outside the box but idk#bc honestly doomed by the narrative is great but whenever people go on and on about that i begin to suspect that they just haven't read#that many tragedies#idk i did my best#fun nonsense#pontifications and creations#note also: these 'kinds' of tragedy are not mutually exclusive#like. wuthering heights alone has like half of em and I'm not even sure I'd call it a tragedy at all#uquiz
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Pictured: Loop being extremely normal as they lay in their shallow (homemade) grave as they meditate on existence and also if they have annoyed the Researcher enough THIS time for her to murder them and bury them alive.
(Spoilers - they did not annoy her even CLOSE to that much.)
And there is the required reverse image of Odile arriving - she's had a LONG day (i.e. previous loop), and due to this it will take ten minutes before she even acknowledges the shallow grave Loop is laying in, as she was distracted complaining about what Siffrin just did to annoy her.
----
I'd say there's context for all of that, because like...there IS context? Here's the link to the series of fics that HAS that context even! But also...even with context...can't say that it's going to make any of this less weird.
Mostly Odile is looping because due to Loop's wish the universe got rewritten to make Siffrin's repression and emotional issues (the ones bad enough to get him stuck in a time loop in the game) 'someone else's' problem...or at least that's Loop's best theory atm!
Regardless, context or not, I'm quite happy with how the pics came out, and figured I might as well post them here too.
#isat#isat loop#isat odile#in stars and time#like a wheel ever turning au#odile looping au#my art#This was vaguely gesturing at the 'Siffrin gets woken up by Mirabelle' at the start of the game#but like#RADICALLY recontextualized to be near unrecognizable#also vaguely gesturing at the 'hanged man' tarot card because Loop's too fabulous to not pose dramatically in the grave they dug themselves#just to make a point#a point which odile then processed to ignore#Gotta say from the point that i got the vision of loop digging their own grave#the chapter basicly wrote itself#i love how much black humour In Stars in Time fanfics can have without it killing the tone by making it humourless!#It IS possible to write idiots in time loops dying horribly and still have it be a black comedy in pokemon#but LORD that was so much harder to keep the tone balanced with#....look.#i KNOW i have a thing for time loops#i imprinted on Steins;Gate when it first came out and was never the same again#that anime has it's many issues but also it rewrote part of my brain#...also...verbal ticks.#still say 'dootdeedoo~!' unironically#to be fair! I also would say 'nya' as a verbal tick - had to ACTIVELY unlearn doing it even so i'd stop doing it at lecturers in uni#why yes! i was REALLY easy to mock as a teen lol#anyway these tags got off topic#let's wrap this shit up
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i also just want to point out the qsmp members' commitment to like never letting the inactive members die. like dantdm logged on twice and is canonically dead and everyone continues to blame mysterious happenstance on him. spreen is canonically dead and yet people are still like namedropping him even tho the house façade he built has been demolished and also probably consumed by a mountain. they meme on kameto who's barely been on except that time he was a fed spy that was iconic as hell. they just immortalize their members and they're always so happy to see old faces come back and it lowkey makes me emotional lmfaoo like missa barely logged on for a while but goddamn nobody forgot his name bc philza can't go one day without mentioning him and mariana barely logs on but every time fit saw the homeless mariana in roier's city no matter what he'd stop dead and tell it "come home" and when slime came back to the server for elections after having logged off for the last like two months everyone was still excited to meet him bc the others had kept his memories on the server fresh and alive, maxo died canonically in the nuke and pierre pasted his face all over the server, luzu vanished for months and we never forgot him either thanks to the computers and foolish's wack ass family tree. like when purgatory teams were chosen and team red constantly joked about how it would be so over for the other teams once germán logged on despite the fact that germán had only ever logged on ONCE, the way they cheered when they snatched rubius in the split of green despite the fact that rubius hadn't logged on more than twice since march. they just keep the names alive all the time and it's like
it just makes me really happy to see. like it makes me really happy. like the admin team and the members alike are like 'no way in HELL are we letting your memory go' like damn once ur on isla quesadilla you really are stuck as an islander forever :D
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#not gonna put this in the main body because ��� but also#filler tag filler tag ravioli ravioli you must hit read more to see this#the hatsune miku jokes to keep a member's memory alive during a long hiatus are also an example of this effect#anyway i really hope the server can continue and the issues are resolved#bc i'd really love to see pol back on the server like genuinely#there's more examples obviously and not all of them are ones i can remember#but just. i mean even the dead eggs whose admins aren't even on the team anymore#every month bad and dapper made a point to visit their graves and remember them (sometimes with company)#it's like holy shit fucking goddamn it hits me in the chest seriously#sorry for the massive unbroken paragraph that's how the thought looks in my head too so i opted not to break it up
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