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everlasting-elegy · 3 years ago

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Swapped! AU (Asmodeus, Belphegor)

What would the brothers be like in a world where they are players of Obey Me! and you’re their favourite character? Genre: Fluff Word Count: 2k

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus is a simple demon. If he sees something that looks good, he wants to incorporate it into his life and that’s exactly the case with Obey Me. The characters looked pretty, the overall aesthetic was so nice he’d love to have something like that as a pastime

But you were by far the most beautiful thing in the entire game. Nonchalantly playing in the living room, all eyes were on Asmo as he audibly gasped when you first popped up on screen. Then he’s rushing to Leviathan, furious that he never enlightened Asmo to the game

“You never cared about my games before!” “Because clearly none of them contained a (Y/N)! Such beauty and you didn’t come to me about this?!” “I… fair enough.”

He loved to play Obey Me! casually when he was waiting or had nothing to do, although after a week or two of playing, he started to see you as more than just a pretty face. The way you understood others and saw the good in them long before others could or they themselves knew it made Asmo’s heart race more than ever

Asmo defaults to taking the bold and flirty answers in game but quickly picks up on the responses you prefer and goes to those. That doesn’t stop him from audibly responding. If you have a flirty or teasing line, the brothers can hear Asmodeus’ muffled giggles and flirty responses outside his bedroom

Collects all your cards because to him, they’re all the most beautiful sights he’s ever seen. To everyone’s surprise, his all time favourite card of you is an innocent one, dressed in casual clothes as you offered a hand to the camera with an inviting smile. What he’d give to take that hand for you to pull him into a world where he’s with you

Managed to get one of your character songs blasting over the loudspeakers when he went clubbing. He loved how everyone enjoyed the beat and your voice while being none the wiser that it was from a dating game. Your music is his go to when he wants to listen to something to spice up any mundane task he’s doing

Has accumulated an entire wardrobe of clothes and fashion that reflect you in some way. Some imitate your style, others copy your colour scheme and others are just straight up wearable merchandise. He loves discreetly promoting you when he goes out on the street

Buys a lot of “trendy” merchandise. Bought fragrance, makeup palettes and jewellery themed to you and frequently wears them. He does have some more conventional merch, particularly photo cards and a pillow with your colour scheme which he goes to sleep hugging after a bad day

Although you were just pixels on the screen, he wanted to look perfect just for you. Even when playing Obey Me! alone in his room, it took some time until he played the game barefaced with his hair unstyled and clothes dishevelled. In those times, your earnest smile is all the more important to him

“Levi? What’re ya doing out of your room?” Mammon asked, staring at Leviathan awkwardly standing at the doorway.

“Going to the Obey Me convention of course!” Asmodeus responded behind Levi as he pushed past the older brother, bumping shoulders with him.

“Wha- are you going too?” Mammon asked in disbelief.

“Naturally!”

“Nuh uh, on behalf of all otakus attending I’m not having some normie invade our safe space!” Levi shouted, dashing to block Asmo from taking a step forward. “What are you? Some fake fan? Thinking you can infiltrate us? We can smell fakes from a mile away!”

“Fakes?” Asmo gasped in shock horror. “How dare you! This entire outfit has been created with beloved (Y/N) in mind.”

He offered an enthusiastic twirl and a few poses as he explained his outfit. “Naturally, I’ve incorporated (F/C) highlights for a (Y/N) themed outfit. This jacket is reminiscent of the top in their default outfit and this necklace is from their premium line of merch with only ten thousand sold. The charm on this bracelet is an exact replica of the charm (Y/N) gifts the protagonist at the end of Lesson Thirty with authentic gemstones.”

Asmo stopped his posing to put a finger on his lips in contemplation, the other brothers watching in awe. “Now… the perfume. Do I use the Exclusive (Y/N) Devildusk Elixir 2nd Edition or the Exclusive (Y/N) Spiritsunset Scent 3rd Edition?”

“All perfumes smell more or less the same,” Mammon shrugged.

“You are a disappointment to the entire modelling industry,” Asmo snapped as he stormed up to get the respective perfumes. As he returned, he sprayed each perfume on two paper samples, allowing his brothers to smell. “As you can see, Devildusk is a much stronger and muskier scent, reminiscent of (Y/N)’s hidden power and potential fury. Spiritsunset is much lighter and fragrant, just like (Y/N)’s natural goodness!”

“I think Spiritsunset…” Levi mumbled. He reluctantly took a step towards Asmo, his voice quiet. “Uh… I can see that you’re passionate enough about this. So for today… you get the normie pass. You’ll be known as a qualified otaku for today.”

Asmo stared at Levi for a moment before clapping in excitement. “Oh this will be fun! I hope all of your little otaku friends are amazed at my outfit for the day. I’ve really spent a lot of time thinking about it and how to best reflect (Y/N).”

“That game’s really changed ya, Asmo…” Mammon stated slowly, not sure if he was in awe or downright terrified.

“It hasn’t changed me at all, I merely have a muse now,” Asmodeus responded quietly as he lifted his wrist, the charm dear to his heart sparkling under the light. He smiled softly as he felt his heart warm at the sight of it. Perhaps Mammon was right.

Belphegor:

Asked to join Leviathan to play games for some brotherly bonding. Only when he joined, Levi was playing a single player game called Obey Me. If Belphie couldn’t join then why did Levi even accept the invitation?

But oddly enough, Belphie stayed, sitting behind Levi and watching his screen. He felt drowsy but he didn’t go to sleep. He complained about how the random interjections of the characters stopped him from falling asleep but then complained when Levi turned down the volume

His gaze was fixed on you, how you smiled at the screen or frowned at the other characters. Your brief voice lines were soothing to him, encouraging him to sleep but if he slept he wouldn’t be able to hear you. Decisions, decisions…

Belphie downloaded the game in the brief moments he’s still awake. He set up his account, breezed through the tutorial and intro, and then set you as his home screen. Has no idea on who the other characters are or what they’re like but he simply doesn’t care

Will not be happy if he discovers the fandom ships you with another character. For that day he’ll just be reading fluffy xReader fanfics of you until he goes to sleep where he’ll also dream of said fanfictions

Often gives Beelzebub his account to do the daily logins, jobs and burn through AP when the bar is filled but he wants to sleep. It distracts Beel from his hunger and it helps Belphie on the grind to get your cards stronger, he only requests Beel wake him up if you pop up in the story

Your name is used as his motivator and the brothers abuse it to the fullest. He couldn’t care less about getting a job or getting more than a pass in his grades but the instant the brothers mention how proud it would make you, he’s begrudgingly off to get hired or study

His favourite card of you is a slumber party theme. The rest of the characters blurred in the bright background as you sit on blankets, slumped against pillows as you look up at the camera with a content smile

Bought a hoodie, blankets and pillows to your colour scheme, as well as a large chibi plushie of you to cuddle to. He may also have a couple of figurines to keep on his side of the room

Uses your character songs to wake him up in the morning for R.A.D. and uses it as a general alarm for when tasks need to be finished. Religiously listens to your wakeup call in the game to motivate him to get out of the house

In the planetarium he’s joined stars like connect the dots to try and create a constellation under your name. He has a few, one of a majestic animal that reminds him of you, another to your sigil in the game and a few others

As much as he tries to control his dreams of you to be nothing but sweet, the inevitable nightmare pops up where against your accepting nature, you turn against him, loathing his being. He wakes up with a start and holds onto your pillow a little tighter, telling himself it’s a lie but his mind refuses to believe him

Beelzebub was stirred awake by the alarm on the other side of the room. Well, it served the purpose of an alarm but he remembered that beat and melody. It was (Y/N)’s character song, bringing him out of the haze of sleep. He audibly groaned as he turned around, the only light being Belphegor’s phone screen washing out his face.

“Belphie…? It’s not sunrise, what are you doing?”

“(Y/N)’s birthday event started ten minutes ago,” Belphie grumbled, words still slurred with sleep. He was squinting at his screen, still wrapped like a cocoon in his blankets. “I want their new ultimate card. There’s a new animation. I need the rewards from this event.”

“I… okay,” Beel said with furrowed eyebrows, turning around so his back was to the light, and drifted back to sleep.

Beel woke up with a start to the intense beats of another of (Y/N)’s character songs. He turned back around to see Belphie in the same position, almost as if he hadn’t moved for however long Beel was asleep.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Belphie said hurriedly. “I should have explained. I set alarms for all the times my AP bar fills up. I can’t waste any of it.”

“And you sleep in between the alarms?”

Belphie hummed in affirmation. “Sleep, Beel. Sorry for waking you up but if the alarms are too quiet they won’t wake me up.”

“It’s okay…” Beel excused him but he still went back to sleep confused, wondering why Belphie was so invested in a little phone game.

The third time Beel woke up, the room was naturally lit up as magic made the lamps fire up, the dim Devildom sky letting light peak in through the curtains. When he got out of bed, Blephie was still dutifully tapping on his phone.

“Belphie, we need to go to R.A.D.”

“Already called in sick.”

“And Lucifer believed you?”

“... that’s a problem for later.”

Belphie tore his eyes from (Y/N) greeting him to look up at his twin. “As long as I get good grades, my attendance shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Lucifer cares about attendance.”

“Then he can personally come here and drag me out of bed,” Belphie muttered, resuming playing the game, hearing your happy voice lines as he rubbed your hair. In response he ended up smiling to himself.

“I’ll let you know about any new content.”

“Thanks, Beel. I knew you’d understand.”

To be frank, Beel didn’t understand at all. Perhaps it was the telepathic link they shared as twins, but as Beel got ready to leave, an odd feeling gnawed at his stomach. Not the typical hunger he was very familiar with, but the stirring of butterflies. A heat was gently flushing his face and making his heart beat a little quicker. He looked back at his twin, how Belphie hid his reddened cheeks under his blanket as he watched his screen with essentially hearts in his eyes. Beel made a happy sound in his throat. Although his telepathic link didn’t help him in understanding his twin any better, Belphie looked so happy he decided not to question it.

Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan Ver.

Leviathan, Mammon Ver.

Obey Me! Masterlist

#everelegy-writes #everelegy-obey-me #obey me #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me x y/n #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus x mc #asmodeus x y/n #belphegor x mc #belphegor x reader #belphegor x y/n #obey me fluff #asmodeus fluff #belphegor fluff #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me swapped au

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rocorambles · 4 years ago

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Hit It Till It Breaks

Pairing: Oikawa x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Yandere, Mafia AU, NSFW, Drug Dealing, Dub-Con/Non-Con Sex, Dub-Con/Non-Con Drug Consumption, Drug Addiction, Manipulation, Humiliation, Degradation, Prostitution, Slight Pet Play

Prompt: Hard At Work

Summary: Growing up, you’d always loved fairy tales and happy endings. You’d always believed that despite how bad things might seem or get, there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But you’re quickly realizing that this isn’t a fairy tale, that there is no happy ending, and that sometimes, you only go downhill, farther and farther from the light.

Author’s Note: This is my contribution for my HQ Discord Server’s NSFW collaboration. There are so many talented writers on the server and I highly encourage you to check out the collaboration masterlist to see how everyone decided to run with this spicy prompt.

(Thank you as always @sawamooora for helping me keep this a coherent degenerate mess~)

It’s hard to believe that bright eyed girl holding her college diploma in the photo on your nightstand was you not that long ago. And your heart clenches when you remember how hopeful you had been. So excited to venture out and experience life. Ready to enter the job market. Ready to be an adult.

Doors opened and closed. But you hadn’t let it deter you at first. It just wasn’t meant to be. You can’t expect to get the first job you interview for!

But then more and more doors opened, only to be shut in your face.Your rose-tinted glasses began to crack as your funds quickly dwindled, as you lowered your standards, desperately mass applying to any small time company vaguely related to your major, only to be turned away at every step.

And now, here you are, barely able to make rent, barely able to even feed yourself with the little you have from odd part-time jobs you’ve managed to stitch together into some sort of financial life line.

Well, you HAD been barely able to make rent, but your hands tremble when you stare at the letter notifying you that your rent will begin to increase starting next month, mind speeding into a panicked haze as you unsuccessfully try to think of what to do, how you can possibly afford to live even in this dump anymore. And before you even realize what you’re doing, you’re scrambling, stumbling to your bathroom, throwing open your medicine cabinet as you rummage for the little pills that you know will help slow down your racing thoughts and provide much needed clarity.

You swear everything seems clearer as soon as the smooth texture hits your tongue and you can finally breathe, slumping down on the cold tiles of your floor, pill bottle still clutched in your hand as you allow yourself to relax, praying for any ideas to flow through you. And it hits you like a ton of bricks when your grip on the plastic container accidentally loosens and the bottle clangs against the floor.

A humorless chuckle slips past your lips as you stare at the rolling cylinder.

Drug dealing. Fucking drug dealing.

You can’t believe you’re even thinking of going down this route, but your mind flashes back to old roommates, old friends, old classmates who had nonchalantly made a pretty bundle on the side, carelessly tossing around and selling all types of prescription drugs on campus. And you vividly remember how simple they had made it seem, how they had all gotten away with it. Scrumptious meals, pricey alcohol, far beyond a college palette, and beautiful clothing were the only “consequences” for their crimes.

If they could do it, you could too. Or so you’d like to think.

But as naive and ignorant as you are about this line of work, even you know there’s a difference between selling to silly college students on campus, and selling it at a popular nightclub owned by an infamous crime syndicate.

Even as far removed as you are from the more seedy underbelly of the new city you live in, you know of the Seijoh Syndicate. Everyone in town does. It’s hard not to when they literally run and own the entire place.

Oikawa Tooru and the rest of the Seijoh Four run their domain with an iron fist. They’re practically nonexistent, merely a scary story to keep people in line, for those who abide by the laws and keep their noses out of trouble, but an all too real nightmare for those who choose to defy them. And you shudder, remembering the horror stories you had heard of exactly what happens to those who decide to try and start their own nefarious business and practices on Seijoh streets without Oikawa’s permission.

But surely they wouldn’t pay you any mind? Right? Surely a mere girl in her early twenties selling the leftover prescription medicine she has in her cabinets for one night won’t do any harm?

Maybe it’s stupid to go to such a prevalent and well known club, especially one that’s notoriously favored by the Seijoh Four. But you convince yourself that it’s the most crowded venue in the area with a target demographic who’s guaranteed to buy you out, even at the obscene prices you plan on charging. How would anyone even notice you? Where else could you go? What options do you even have?

So despite the nervous pit swelling in your stomach, you soldier on, plastering a cheery smile at the bouncer who easily waves you in without a second glance, slipping into the sweaty mass of bodies, going deeper and deeper until you’re surrounded - skin, bones, and muscles pressing against you on all sides, safe from any prying eyes.

Or so you believe.

You know who the Seijoh Four are. You even know their names. But never have you met them, never have you ever seen a picture of what they each look like. Not that it would help you if you did when you’re so laser focused on finding potential customers, not even bothering to look around to see if anyone’s watching you. So you carry on, unaware of the four sets of eyes looking at you in amusement from their roost high above the writhing crowds.

There’s nothing subtle about the way you sloppily nudge people, practically shoving your pills in stranger’s faces, almost wildly waving your merchandise around you in a desperate attempt to pull in buyers. Sweaty nervous hands fumble as you exchange little plastic baggies for wads of cash and Matsukawa raises a brow in disbelief while Hanamaki cackles when you drop your merch and payment, getting on all fours on the trashed dance floor to recollect your goods.

It might be the most amusing show they’ve had in a while, but Iwaizumi feels a pang of pity at the wild hopeless look in your eyes and he swiftly stands, brusquely telling the other three that he’s going to go down and tell you off with just a warning, only to be stopped when Oikawa smoothly stands to his feet, effectively blocking Iwaizumi’s path.

“Now, now Iwa-chan. Don’t be so hasty. Let me go talk to the cutie. I’ve been so bored recently and she looks like she’ll be fun! Plus you’ll make her cry with that scary face of yours.”

Suddenly the sight of you bumbling around isn’t quite as entertaining as the remaining three men watch the brunette prowl towards you, heavy realization of what’s to come sombering the mood.

You’re frantic, flitting about the throngs of flailing limbs and swaying bodies, frustration from not being able to get through your supplies fast enough weighing at your conscious. Sure, you’ve managed to accrue some cash, but it’s not enough, not nearly enough to even feed yourself for the coming week let alone make a dent in the daunting rent that looms over you. And you can feel hot tears prick at the corner of your eyes when you see that it’s almost closing time and you’re still stuck with more than half your inventory, no closer to figuring out how to survive. So when a hand firmly rests on your shoulder, you whip around, ready to take your anger out on the poor soul who’s managed to catch you at the worst time. But you freeze, vicious words stuck in your mouth when you see the handsome man beaming down at you, a thick wad of rolled up bills haphazardly dangling from his fingers.

“I heard you might have some stuff I’d be interested in.”

You wonder if this is all a dream, if the man in front of you is (ironically a devilishly) handsome angel swooping into save you when he casually asks you how much stuff you still have, how much you’d be willing to sell everything for, not even blinking an eye at your outrageous price tag. You’re so stunned by how quick he is to call it a done deal, not resisting even a bit as he wraps his hand around your wrist, pulling you after him, saying some vague comments about wanting to go somewhere a little more private since it’s a bigger trade. All you can think about is how you’ll finally be able to eat something other than instant noodles and not have to worry about rent as you throw yourself back into interviewing, too lost in thoughts to be wary of how you’re being dragged farther and farther away from the rowdy crowd.

But the sound of a door slamming shut behind you jolts you back to reality and Oikawa fights back a laugh at how adorable you are, eyes blown wide like a deer in headlights as your head swivels side to side, dismay and panic making you tremble when you survey the private room you’re in, throat nervously gulping when you notice the three other occupants.

You’re so predictable and Oikawa just rolls his eyes fondly at how you swiftly turn around, trying to lunge towards the door in an attempt to escape, taking his time to leisurely make his way towards you, brown orbs taking in every inch of you as Matsukawa and Hanamaki hold your writhing body in place.

It’s so satisfying watching you crumble to pieces before his very eyes at just the mention of his name, despair and fear swirling beautifully on your face when he continues to introduce the rest of the Seijoh Four. It never gets old, that deliciously addicting feeling of power he feels when people tremble from just a few syllables and he relishes in your pleading apologies and your tears, patiently waiting for you to finish your little sob story, barely listening to the details as he focuses in on how gorgeous you are, broken and vulnerable.

And really, there’s no need for him to pay close attention to your blabbering anyway. It always comes down to one thing…

“So you need money, cutie? How about working for me?”

“Oye! Oikawa-”

“I’m just asking her some questions, Iwa-chan.”

There’s tense silence and your eyes nervously flicker back and forth between the two imposing figures staring each other down, green and brown eyes clashing in a silent argument. But as if they’ve somehow come to a conclusion, Iwaizumi tsks and looks away while Oikawa turns his attention back to you, a sickeningly cheerful grin on his face.

Blood curling fear lances through you and you’re almost grateful for the two pairs of strong arms holding you tight, their grip keeping you from falling to your knees as your legs threaten to give out under the pressure you feel as Oikawa thoughtfully looks at you.

You know the smart answer would be to adamantly say no and promptly figure out a way to leave this moment far behind you, even if it means forfeiting any money you had made tonight. But...a job is a job, right? And surely a job in the Seijoh Syndicate would be more lucrative than anything you’re doing now, right?

Oikawa hides a smile at the way he can see the cogs in your head turn, apprehension turning to curiosity as you stutter out questions about pay and what the job would entail. Desperation is a good look on anyone, but it suits you particularly well and just like that, hook, line, and sinker, he has a new cute live-in maid to replace the recently vacated role.

Working as Oikawa’s maid is more...normal than you would have expected. Not that you’re complaining and other than the embarrassing maid outfit he makes you wear, complete with frilly bow and garters, the chores are mundane. Bring breakfast to him and wake him. Clean his room and do his laundry when he’s away at meetings or jobs. Make sure guests have refreshments when they come over to his large estate, a mansion you now also call home.

If you’re honest, it’s much more relaxing than the multiple part-time jobs you had been juggling previously, and with free board, free food, and the substantial paycheck that regularly makes its way to your bank account, you can see your future brightening up again. When your duties are done for the day, you resume practicing for interviews and keeping up with the industry, feeling emboldened and empowered to finally resume working towards the career path you had always dreamed of.

But the more time you spend with Oikawa, the closer and more entangled in your life the brunette becomes. Alarm bells ring wildly in your head as you’re forced to join him for meals, forced to dress in elaborate gowns and jewelry while you’re waltzed around on his arm, forced to travel around the world with him, and attend to him like a glorified assistant. He’s too charming, too familiar, too bold, and you can’t help but feel like you’re racing towards some inevitable crash as he easily brushes aside any boundaries between the two of you.

You know so many women would kill to be in your shoes and you can understand why, not completely immune to his playful smile and the lilt of his voice yourself. But you know better, know exactly how dangerous it would be to get involved with a man like Oikawa Tooru.

It’s clear from the crimson stains on the clothes he leaves for you to either dispose of, or have cleaned. It’s clear from the wails and sobs of woman after woman he uses and tosses aside like garbage on an almost daily basis. It’s clear from the guns, knives, and weapons, most of which you don’t even know the name of, filling up all the walls, drawers, and cabinets.

So you do your best to keep your distance, building titanium walls around your heart. Always polite, too terrified of what would happen if you pissed him off, but cold enough to deter him from more amorously or intimately testing his boundaries.

And it seems to work as he turns his eyes towards other women, leaving you alone after throwing a few flirty comments and winks your way and ultimately falling in bed with some other poor damsel. But you nervously gulp when it’s just the two of you one night and just as you’re ready to make yourself scarce after turning down his bed and laying out his pajamas, his voice beckons you over and you anxiously bite your lower lip at the sight of pills of all shapes and sizes splayed out across his desk.

Other than your prescription medicine, you don’t have a lot of experience with drugs other than the few blunts here and there during your college years and you had always strictly kept to your recommended doses, never even entertaining the idea of taking more. So the sight in front of you is overwhelming and you hesitantly stare anywhere but at the table surface, anxiously waiting for Oikawa to explain why he called you over. But what you’re not expecting is the warm hand gently grasping your wrist and holding your arm out, small objects being carefully placed in your outstretched palm, and soft coaxing from Oikawa to “give them a try”.

Every part of you is screaming to throw the pills and make a run for it, begging you to come up with some excuse or just outright reject his offer. But it’s as if your body is frozen and he firmly pushes your hand to your mouth, grip tightening enough to make you wince when you hesitate to listen. The slight pain is enough to remind you that you’re not exactly in any position to negotiate and you force yourself to down the pills and gulp down the glass of water he holds to your lips.

The last thing you remember is the unsettling feeling of beginning a descent to an unknown place from which there is no return as Oikawa pulls you to his bed. And then euphoria floods through you as your body slots against his larger frame.

It feels good. Too good. Unnaturally good. But it’s intoxicating and you can’t help but let yourself drown in the hazy waves crashing down upon you, feeling lighter, freer, happier than you have for years. You vaguely register roaming hands, a hot wet mouth, a body on top of yours, something hard pressing against the apex of your thighs, filling you, consuming you in heady pleasure only amplified by the drugs coating your insides.

Bliss. Pleasure. Pure unadulterated joy. And then nothing.

When you come to, the weight of what had happened last night comes crashing down on you, making your foggy mind throb even more and you can feel bile rising inside of you as a toned arm around your waist tightens its hold on you. Oikawa grunts in annoyance when you claw your way out from his hold, scampering on shaky legs to his bathroom, heaving and expelling the contents of your stomach, trying futilely to cleanse yourself of your employer’s touch.

You flinch when you hear footsteps approach, shrinking into the corner of the tiled room, body crouched and curled into a tight ball as you try to save any shred of dignity you still have by hiding your naked body as much as you can from his prying eyes. Salty drops threaten to trail down your face when he hovers over you, sweetly cooing down at you “not to be like this”, “you liked it so much last night”, “come back to bed with me” only to stream down your face when his countenance swiftly changes, handsome face glowering down at you before brusquely turning away and snapping at you to “get on with your work then if you’re going to be an annoying bitch”.

It’s easy to convince yourself that you’re just being smart, just trying to survive as you obediently wash up and don your humiliating uniform, that it isn’t just you being a coward as you submissively go about your usual work day, still sitting with thighs pressed against Oikawa’s legs at meals, making no move to brush off the heavy arm he slings around your shoulders, only slightly flinching when his fingertips teasingly play with the hem of your skirt as he converses with the rest of the Seijoh Four.

But you can’t deny that all you are is a weak fool, desperate to live when you shakily accept the pills he pushes towards you again that night, silently crying yet not doing anything to prevent the inevitable as you swallow any self-respect or pride you had along with the smooth pellets under his watchful gaze, too scared of the glimmer of gunmetal you see on the inside of his jacket to even think of resisting.

And history repeats itself. Over and over again.

Oikawa smiles at how different you are from that skittish creature who fled from his every touch, smirking at how naive and innocent you still are as you try to hide how eager you are for your daily dose, unaware of how he’s slowly been increasing it every night, ignorant of how you unconsciously lean into his touches, pretty lips wrapping around his fingers as he hand feeds you.

Do you know what an animal you are in bed these days? Do you realize how little there is left to differentiate you from one of his filthy whores when you’re so doped up on whatever he gives you, moaning like a pornstar and leaving vicious red claw marks on his skin as you bounce on his cock?

And he knows it’s time to move onto the next phase of your conditioning when there’s not even a speck of shame in your clear eyes when the sunlight begins to filter through the window, knowingly smiling in satisfaction when instead of slinking off to wallow in your regret you shimmy down between his legs and begin to nuzzle and mouth his morning wood, face full of nothing but wanton desire as you take his cock in your mouth.

He doesn’t give you anything that night. Or the next night. Or the one after that. He doesn’t so much as even look at you outside of your usual eye contact, not a single flirtatious word slipping past his lips.

You should be grateful. This is what you wanted, right? To keep things strictly professional between the two of you. To not be coerced into the artificial pleasure you’ve been swallowing on a daily basis for the last month now. To not feel like just another warm body for Oikawa to taint.

Your interview notes and open tab of job listings are right there, begging for your attention, practically screaming at you to pursue the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Yet here you are, not even a week later, on your knees in between Oikawa’s legs as he leisurely reclines in his chair, peppering his inner thighs with kisses and rubbing your face against the growing bulge in his trousers, begging and pleading for another dose, feeling utterly empty and cold inside, unable to sleep, unable to focus, unable to function without the nights of hazy ecstasy.

Your heart drops at the long disappointed sigh the brunette releases.

“Drugs are expensive, cutie. I was just being nice and letting you try some new batches we’ve been producing, but now that they’re on the market, I can’t just keep on giving them to you for free.”

He rolls his eyes when you adamantly tell him you’ll pay whatever the price is, a condescending smirk splitting his face from how quick you are to shut up, soul crushed when he reveals the extravagant cost, a price he knows you can’t afford with the salary he’s providing you with.

But he artfully softens his smile as he begins to unbuckle his pants, sliding the fabric down and letting his throbbing cock spring into view, chuckling when it lightly slaps your face as it’s released from its confines, wondering if you’re drooling from the sight of his erection or the pills he’s playfully placing along the length of it.

“I know you don’t have that money, cutie. But I’d be willing to accept other forms of payments.”

The words are barely out of his mouth before you’re rushing to take him in his mouth and he loudly laughs at how obscene you look, slobbering all over his length, fervently bobbing your head up and down, hastily trying to deep throat him to reach the pill strategically placed right at the base of his shaft, lips puckering as you inhale the drugs, swallowing around him in a way that has him groaning as you stuff your face full of chemicals and pre-cum. And it doesn’t take much longer for him to wash your mouth and throat with warm rivulets of sticky white fluids as he watches the goods take effect, his balls tightening and cock straining with arousal as you reach between your legs, fingers playing with your tight dripping hole while your lewd moans vibrate against him.

It’s pathetically endearing how you can’t keep off of him after that, insisting on sitting on his lap during meals, your cute ass grinding against his clothed cock, always dropping to your knees in between chores, warming his cock in your greedy mouth, always asking him how many pills you’ve earned so far. You really are just his little slutty drug addict now, aren’t you?

But he needs you to be more than that, needs you to learn that you belong to anyone who’s willing to give you the high you crave, needs you to realize that you’re just a free use drug addicted whore for anyone and everyone to use.

So despite how tempting it is to just plunge balls deep inside your tight little pussy, he shoves you off of him one night as you try to grind against his body, feigning exhaustion and boredom of your body, watching in amusement at the panicked crazed look that flashes across your face at his words. Well aren’t you a beautiful sight, throwing yourself at his feet and groveling, saying you’ll do anything for another dose.

Anything, huh?

In your defense, even through the daze of your withdrawal, there’s still a wary expression on your face when Matsukawa and Hanamaki enter the room. Maybe you aren’t as broken as Oikawa had thought. But when you see the little baggies filled with the tablets you’ve become far too familiar with twirling between the duo’s fingers, you practically lunge at them and Oikawa finally allows himself the pleasure of reaching into his pants and stroking himself to the debauched sight playing out in front of him.

Maybe he needs to fuck you in front of a mirror more often if this is what you look like from an outside perspective. It’s like you were made to be used, to be just a warm toy for men to use and Oikawa can’t help but think you look best like this, cocks penetrating both your front and back holes, your body squeezed between two bodies. And he fondly smiles at how you have Hanamaki’s face between the palms of your hands, your lips locked in a sloppy kiss as your tongue ravages the strawberry blonde’s mouth, searching for the pills the man had playfully placed on the tip of his tongue in front of your very eyes before winking at you and telling you to come and get them yourself if you wanted them so badly.

They keep your daily training a surprise, mixing up who gets to wreck your body each day, how many cocks and rounds of cum you’ll need to pay with, what pills and dosage you get. Always keeping you lost and confused, making sure your mind is just a muddled mess that can only think of reaching your next high by any means necessary.

Hell, even Iwaizumi takes part when he realizes that you’re beyond the point of no return, that Oikawa wasn’t joking when he said that there is no other choice for you anymore. This is your life now. This is who you are now. This is your “happily ever after”. He knows all that, can see all that in the way your dazed eyes only come to life at the sight of your addiction, your otherwise listless body perking up at the sound of the tiny objects rattling in their container. And yet a small sliver of guilt has him growling at you to get on all fours, ensuring your face isn’t visible, turning you into just another body for him to mindlessly use as he pleases.

It’s an uncomfortable position, borderline painful as your knees rock back and forth on the hard floor with every brutal thrust of Iwaizumi’s hips. But you don’t care, the aching pain in your legs just dull background noise as you fixate on the tablets scattered on the floor in front of your face, dropping your entire upper body low to the ground, only your hips raised high as your mouth snaps forward. You’re so close and you mewl as your lips make contact with the first pill, uncaring of the pitiful sight you make licking and lapping the floor, whimpering when a hand firmly grabs you by the hair and roughly pulls your face away from your feast.

“Maybe we should get you a dog bowl, cutie. It’s humiliating even for you to be eating from the dirty floor like that. Hold her hair for me, Iwa-chan.”

You crane your neck back and forth, jaw jutting forward as you frantically fight against the tight grip holding you back, mouth drooling and tongue extending like a ravenous animal. But it’s no use and you whine, too focused on your unfinished “meal” to notice how Oikawa is still standing in front of you, cock pulled out from his pants, his hands rapidly fisting the shaft. And only when thick white spurts glaze the remaining pills do you whip your attention towards him, staring with hopeful wide eyes when he crouches in front of you and grabs your face.

“When Iwa-chan lets go of your hair, you’ll get to have the rest of your treats, but you also have to eat the special seasoning I’ve generously given you, okay? If I see even a speck of it left, you’re not getting anything tomorrow, understand?”

Oikawa laughs at how vigorously you nod your head and with a nod in Iwaizumi’s direction, you’re released and the two men watch on as you lick the floor until it’s sparkling clean, slumping your face in the mess of your own drying saliva as you reach euphoria once more. You wail as Iwaizumi shoves you off a cliff and into floating clouds of bliss with one last thrust, the drugs in your system weaving a comforting cocoon around you that you melt into, unable to escape its soothing pull, giggling in content as his seed fills you to the brim.

There’s silence as Iwaizumi pulls out of you, tucking himself back into his pants before sitting besides Oikawa, joining him as he continues observing your used and drugged up body sprawled across the floor, a dopey smile on your face as cum begins to leak out of your spent pussy.

Minutes pass and Iwaizumi sighs, knowing what Oikawa is waiting for him to ask despite how insistent he has been over the years about not wanting to be involved in this particular side of the business...

“Are you going to have her start working at the brothel soon? She seems just about ready.”

“Not yet. I want to give her a few test runs first before I have her work full-time at that establishment. She’s only been with the four of us, so I’m curious to see how she is with a complete stranger. It’s perfect timing too since Sawamura is coming over for a meeting soon and I know he won’t damage the goods if I gift her to him for a night or two. Plus, she hasn’t completely lost her mind yet so we can get some more use out of her before we toss her aside...”

The brunette rambles on, tone light and airy as if he’s just discussing the weather or a TV show he watched, as if he’s not mere feet away from a woman he’s utterly destroyed and rebuilt into just another brainless profit-making doll.

And Iwaizumi tunes him out, already having heard almost this exact speech countless times by now, unable to even keep track of how many others like you there have been in the past, unwilling to think about how many more there will be in the future. But he snorts at Oikawa’s typical closing line.

“I guess it’s almost time to find a new cute maid.”

#haikyuu smut #yandere haikyuu #yandere oikawa #yandere oikawa x reader #oikawa x reader #tw: yandere #tw: drugging #tw: drugs #tw: addiction #tw: noncon #tw: dubcon

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romiantic · 4 years ago

Text

𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒕𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒙 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓!𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌!𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 ࿐ྂ

彡 ❛ 𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 ❜

彡 𝗳𝘁. ryota kise

彡 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: fluff with very little angst

彡 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.3k

彡 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: suggestive theme at the end

彡 𝗮𝘂𝘁��𝗼𝗿’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: all characters are 18+. also can we talk about how BOMB this song is 🤧 y’all sleepin on this song fr

·˚ ༘ੈ✩‧₊˚ ╰┈➤ ❛❛ 𝙄 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙒𝘼𝙔 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘿𝙊 𝙄𝙏 ❜❜

❝ 𝐘/𝐍 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐘𝐎 𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐔𝐏! You have two minutes till showtime.” Your manager, AKA, older brother, barged and announced to you like he didn’t update you almost five minutes ago.

You did your usual of sucking your teeth and rolling your teeth every time he barged in and interrupted your call, you replied with annoyance in your tone, “AJ I know! Can you wait a minute? Damn, so impatient for absolutely no reason.”

“I’m sorry who’s the one with hundreds of thousands of fans screaming their name and waiting for their ass outside? Me or you? Oh okay. Anyways, end yo little call with yo boyfr-”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” You interrupted, becoming irritated with your brother and simply wanted him to shut the fuck up. A great manager and brother, yet way too uptight for his job.

AJ rolled his eyes and muttered something but you flipped him off and pretended not to hear him until he left your dressing room. You gave your attention back to your phone, giving a cheeky smile to the blonde boy on your screen. From the corner of his eye, he noticed a nervous look growing on you but from what you could tell, he was choosing what shirt to wear to his photoshoot. Leaving him to be seen with a no top on and a pair of denim jeans.

Though it was typical to see your best friend’s exposed upper body, it was a sight you never got used to. His well-toned body, results from years of playing basketball in middle and high school, making your face hot, adding on to the nervousness you were already facing from your upcoming performance. Along with the pearly white smile he flashed at you creating a sick feeling in your stomach, something that you made you clench onto it and try to ignore. Now was not the time to be drooling over your best friend, who interrupted your stare with a laugh and said, “Are you gonna keep staring or are you gonna take a picture?”

Of course, he’d ruin it with some cocky line like that, you rolled your eyes and sucked your teeth. “Boy calm down, ain’t nobody wanna was staring.”

“Your nervous face said otherwise.”

“Akekeke, don’t you have a photoshoot to go to?”

Kise replied with the same energy as yours, “And don’t you have a performance to go to?”

You held up a finger to a screen then crossed your arms, “Aht aht, don’t worry about me now. Worry about yo lil pictures with that famous ass Russian model.” You wanted to roll your eyes just thinking about the brought-up woman but it would make it seem like you’re being jealous for no reason.

Kise let out a small laugh, adoring the irritated look that was starting to creep up on your face. “Somebody sounds jealous.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a scoff, “Oh please, like I would be.” You looked at the time on your watch and noticed it was about one minute until your performance. Your eyes widened at the time and hurried, you quickly ended the call with Kise, “Shit, fuck! I gotta go perform but I’ll call you back when I’m done.”

“And I’ll be waiting for you beautiful when you get back.” The golden-eyed boy winked at you yet you cringed and scrunched your face. “You’re so fucking corny Kise.” You hung up the call, grab any other pieces missing from your outfit, and headed out of your dressing room.

You traveled quickly around backstage, passing by many coworkers and background dancers waiting for you, to head into the small tunnel for artists to come out on stage. You stopped at the exit and gulped as you scanned the stage. An outside arena with hundreds of thousands of fans cheering your name, waiting for your appearance.

Usually, you would be at ease with concerts this large but for some reason this time is different. Unknowing the reason nor cause, you started to feel anxious, your hands mildly shaking and your throat going dry.

There was something in the back of your mind attempting to not make you perform, something telling you to not do it, it won’t be good, people will hate you. A voice there to influence thoughts, hoping that you would fall into the trap and just give up on singing. Though of course, you wouldn’t listen to that voice, that voice always lingered around whenever you were brought to perform, no matter where you were.

The only thing to distract you and keep you safe from that tiny voice is someone who you’ve longed to love. One who just settles your nerves, bringing comfort, and removing all anxious thoughts. One who would deem you as one of the greatest artists he’s ever listened to, maybe it’s opinionated but he loves you too much to disagree.

The now dawdling thought of his soft voice whenever he spoke or his flirtatious nature when you two joked around made a familiar feeling grow greater than before. Something replaced the anxiousness that was growing, a feeling that replaced the nervousness and calmed your shaky hands. Something that was the thought of Ryota Kise, he was like the medicine to all the pain you’ve suffered. A remedy to your anxiety, one of the many causes of the cheeky smile social media often sees you with.

Someone who you grew up and spent all your life with, always noticing how protective he was of you or the way he hummed one of your pre-recorded tracks that he was the only one to listen to. Celebrating one of your songs had hit #1 on the Billboard chart and the way he helped out whenever you hit writer’s block.

Every single thing, noticeable or not, made you grown to love the boy, starting from a platonic, playground friendship blooming to many years of trying to figure out if you are romantically in love with him. Growing familiar feelings of butterflies mixed with the thought of just wanting to cup his face and kiss him whenever he was around.

Just the ultimate feeling of wanting to be buried in the blonde boy’s arms and explain the blooming love for him made you want to sing the song you wrote for him. A new single that you never wanted to put out since you wanted only Kise to hear it, including that the song was your way of telling him what you felt all these years.

Though something changed your mind, something in your brain told you to tell everyone around you that you’re singing solo, no backup singers or dancers, only you on that stage. In this performance, you just had to do it yourself, nothing but you, the stage, and the microphone.

Everyone was confused by the last-minute change of plans but went along with it. They rescheduled it to where your first “official” song to start the concert with was right after your solo performance. You gave thanks to your team and took some deep breaths. You made sure your Bluetooth set was on and working properly in your ear, AJ handed you a mic and brushed off any wrinkling from your outfit and any smoothed out your hair. Uptight about his job yet made sure his little sister was looking the greatest for her performances.

You took deep breaths again, shook off any bad nerves, and walked on stage. The already excited crowd enraged and their volume expanded as they saw you stand before them. Everyone waving their signs that said, “I love you y/n!!” or “Y/N is so beautiful!” You waved to the audience and stopped at the middle of the stage, walking closer to the front of the stage as well.

You turned on the mic and tapped it to see if it was working, “Mic check one two, can you guys hear me?” The crowd immediately responded yes, you continued on to talk to them, “Okay good, have been getting technical difficulties with my mic and I really don’t feel like switching mics three times. Anyways, afternoon to all my lovely fans who made it out here or to those that are watching me live. I love you all and thank you for supporting me, I truly am grateful for every single one of y’all.” Everyone screamed out how much they love you and adore you, showing off their merch that they bought and waving the homemade posters.

You smiled at their response and cleared your throat as you introduced the song, “Thank you, I love you too. This first song is one that has been sitting too comfortably in my heart. A piece that came from genuine emotions and feelings I’ve tried to bury yet couldn’t no matter how hard I tried. It’s something that I never planned on dropping but I just felt like the world had to hear what I had to say. Hopefully, you guys enjoy it cause I did when I was writing this song at two in the morning before I snuck into the studio and recorded it. Was it worth it? Definitely. Now I may introduce to you, Not Another Love Song. A contradicting title isn’t it?”

You took a large breath in and out, you took a position as you waited for the beat to drop. As soon as you heard the familiar melody start, you sang, “I don’t wanna mess this up, could it be too much to say I’m in?”

The crowd lowered down and became silent to hear your new single, grasping the beautiful new lyrics you were singing and just vibing along with it.

You yourself were placing emotion as you sang, not noticing how proudly you sang the chorus or how you were smiling at the crowd the entire time. One thing was clouding your mind to even pay attention to those details, the same thing that more than likely pushed you to sing the song.

As you sang, the feelings for your best friend grew stronger, butterflies in your stomach, and the deprivation of his touch grew on you. Not even realizing how much you missed him until you turned initially to smile at AJ and your team yet saw a familiar face appear as well. You questioned it but then turned back to continue singing to the audience, only thinking that mind is playing games with you.

“I'm finna take my time, my mind, my rules. This ain't no crimе makin' love to you, though you ain't say this. But I had a hard time waitin' for you, boy. Like ooh, boy, you, boy. Got me where you want, just gotta say and it's on, it's like, ooh, boy, do you know you got me like where do you go when you're alone?”

As you sang, you noticed the crowd growing silent, their eyes widening, and their jaws dropping. You were utterly confused at was catching their attention, you turned to your team and your brother pointed behind, giving you a goofy smile as well.

You turned around to what was the cause of this silent commotion and right along with everyone else, your jaw drop and your eyes widened. The flirtatious, handsome model that everyone knew of was standing in front of you with a bouquet of roses in his hand. He walked up to you and smiled greatly, closing in the large gap between the both of you.

Seeing him walk closer to you made you want to say forget concert and sing the rest to him. Half of your feeling was already poured out, not even knowing he was listening to all of it. You didn’t think he would even be here since he had a photoshoot, not standing on an outside stage with a bouquet of roses and dressed in casual attire.

He handed you the roses and kissed your forehead, telling you, “Alone with you, away from the world, where else would I be when I’m alone?”

No response came from you, not even a single gasp or a sniffle to signify that you might cry. The way you responded to his presence was something that shocked the arena, everyone watching you on live, your team, and even the two of you yourself. Who would’ve thought you would be bold enough to grab his face and kiss him right then and there? You snaked your arm around his waist and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. He responded back by wrapping his hands around your shoulders and hugging you tightly, holding onto you to make sure you wouldn’t separate from him.

You pulled back from the kiss and smiled, softly combed his blonde hair, and expressed, “I love you, Kise.” Saying his name like it was something you’ve been aching to say, a name that you’ve buried away yet brought out today. A name that sounded so lovely and romantic when you say it.

Kise expressed as well, “I love you too y/n. I’ve always loved you and I will never stop loving you.” He kissed you again, he removed his hand from your shoulders and trailed around to find your hands. He removed your hands from his waist and instead intertwined them with his.

He felt you smile when he held your hand and smiled back. He stated in between kisses, “You know I’m staying on this stage to hear you finish that song right?”

“It’s fine, I need someone to do my next performance on anyways.” He looked at you and you did nothing but wink and mischievously smiled at him. Kise had a small idea of what he could expect but suppressed it to enjoy the soft moment he wanted between the both of you. A moment that he’ll never forget and a concert that will always be remembered for everyone around you.

彡 it’s like 5 am and I’m tired 🦧 the only thing that kept me up was the fact that I don’t have school plus I loveeeeee kise

彡 also the show olivia

彡 I don’t think I ever mentioned to y’all how much I love his ass but now is definitely not the time 😁

彡 I’m convinced if it silent black hair blue eye powerful men weren’t my type, cocky and flirtatious ones would be runner up

彡 anyways hope you guys enjoy + pleaseee listen to the song, I highly recommend plus ella mai is VERY underrated

bye babes, drink your water, stay hydrated, and remember that you are the baddest bitch on the planet 🥰 no matter what ANYONE says

𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝟏𝟖:𝟑𝟎 💗

#knb x black reader #knb x black!reader #ryouta kise x black reader #ryouta kise x black!reader #knb fluff #kise fluff #ryouta kise fluff

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whenrockwasyoung19 · 4 years ago

Text

It’s Time to Talk about a Bespectacled Elephant in the Room

I’ve been in the Beatles fandom for 8 and a half years. I have had a Beatles blog for the entirety of those 8 and a half years, and I have watched as discourse about these four men evolve. The discourse inside and outside the fandom has become so toxic that I don’t think I can engage with it in the same way that I could before. Let me explain.

When I entered this fandom 8 and a half years ago, it was in 2012, quite an infamous year in tumblr history. That was the pique of “”cringey”” fandom culture. The Beatles fandom was as steeped in fandom culture as any other fandom. I know this because I was part of two of the top of fandoms at the time, Doctor Who and Sherlock. Believe me, I have seen cringe.

The fandom at the time was totally aware of the John, Paul, George, and Ringo’s flaws as individuals, but most fans tended to simply enjoy Beatles fandom as if it were the 60s. Some might call it ignorant bliss. If you asked me at the time, I’d have said it was self-aware ignorant bliss--if that even makes sense. At the time, there wasn’t a person with a Beatles icon who hadn’t heard the line “John Lennon beat his wife.” Everyone knew it, but everyone also knew the real story, and so everyone just made peace with it. As a result, people didn’t think about every bad thing the Beatles ever did on a daily basis. It was more like a once-a-month kind of thing. Otherwise, fandom discourse was quite fun and relaxed. There were no shipping wars, no one fought over who was the best Beatle, everyone gushed over the Beatles wives, and we all just had fun with fics and fan art.

Of course, in this period, people engaged in conversations about one bespectacled Beatles problematic behavior. These conversations usually came from outside of the fandom. It was usually randos coming into the tags or into someone’s ask box and ranting about John Lennon’s violent behavior. Some of it came from within the fandom. Some people really didn’t like John and gave others shit if they listed John as their favorite Beatle. A lot of the discourse boiled down to: ‘hey, I see you like John Lennon. You should know that he beat his wife. And now that you know that, you should feel bad about ever liking him in the first place.’ And the response was often, ‘Actually, John Lennon didn’t beat his wife. They weren’t even married at the time. And also he didn’t beat her, he slapped her once in the face, and then never did it again.’ No one’s minds were changed. The fans had made their peace, and the antis came off as cynical and pretentious.

When Dashcon happened, and Tumblr took a hard look at its cringey fandom culture, the Beatles fandom evolved as well. The fandom became, frankly, less fun. It no longer felt like a group of people who found the Beatles decades after the 60s and were fangirling like it was 1965. There was still some of that left, but a lot of it kind of faded. So, most fandom interactions were reblogging pictures of the Beatles from the 60s and various interview clips and quotes. But the barrage of antis never really went away, and the response didn’t evolve.

Then, the advent of cancel culture came on. I always waited for the Beatles to get, like, officially canceled, but I also felt they were uncancel-able at the same time. Let me explain. I have been a Beatles fan primarily in an online space, rarely engaging with fans in real life. But I have met fans who are life-long Beatles fans, people who are a lot older than us and who’s fandom isn’t tied to the internet. They don’t give a shit about any of our discourse. They may or may not have heard it before, but they seem totally indifferent to all of it. I’m sure most of them have never heard ‘Mclennon’ before. These are the people that flock to see Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in concert (and pay astronomical prices for it). These are the people who go to record shops and buy vinyl. These are the people I run into at flea markets who buy up all the Beatles merch before I can even arrive (true story). So, the Beatles will never be canceled because there will always be people who love the Beatles and don’t engage with online discourse. Rarely said, but thank god for Gen-X.

As cancel culture took over the internet, fandoms changed. It’s not as noticeable in fandoms without problematic favs. For instance, I’m also steeped in the Tom Holland fandom, and that boy is a little angel who has done no wrong. No one has discourse about the unproblematic boy who plays an equally unproblematic character. But in fandoms with ‘problematic favs’ the mood has shifted. I’m also in the Taron Egerton fandom. Taron Egerton, for those who only follow me for my Beatles stuff, is a genuinely sweet and kind person who has had zero scandals in his six year career. There were some rumblings when he was cast as Elton John, and some people took issue with the fact that he’s a straight man playing a gay man. This discourse seemed to die quickly as a whole lot of straight people played gay people in that same year (Olivia Coleman as queer Queen Anne, Emma Stone as her queer lover, Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury). Why jump on this boy who at the time was still technically on the rise. He’s not exactly the same target as someone like Scarlett Johansson who has her pick of roles. Taron doesn’t have quite that some power in Hollywood, and I think most people made peace with the fact that this was a big role for him, and it’s not really fair to take that away from him. So, all in all, the closest thing to a scandal was something that died pretty much on arrival.

That was until this summer when everything changed. When George Floyd was murdered, celebrities flocked to social media to mourn his loss. Taron’s social media account was silent. For weeks, Taron said nothing about Black Lives Matter or Floyd’s death. This caused outrage in the fandom. Many raced to defend him, starting a hashtage #IstandwithTaron. Others sought to tear him down and anyone who supported him. The kind of mania this one incident caused tore through an otherwise peaceful fandom. What I saw was two sides in a total panic. The antis were people who once had faith that Taron was a good person and were now questioning that. Andthe defenders were people who desperately wanted him to be a good person and were afraid that he wasn’t. In essence, both sides could feel Taron about to get canceled. The defenders wanted to stop it, the antis wanted to ride that wave.

What this long drawn out Taron example is meant to convey: is that cancel culture has put fandoms on edge. One’s fav has to be perfect, otherwise it can jeopardize the existence of the entire fandom. I’ll admit, I was afraid that I’d be some kind of pariah for standing by Taron through all of this. My actions were to basically reason with the antis but still defend Taron. I defend him mostly because I felt that his silence was the result of a needed social media absence and that trying to shame him back onto social media was an invasion of privacy. But I was genuinely afraid that he would get canceled, and the fun of the Taron fandom would be lost.

In the Beatles fandom, it often feels like the Beatles, mainly John, have already been canceled. I see this coming from two different sources: antis from outside of the fandom and antis within the fandom. The outside antis are just the same as the ones from 2012. These are people who like to drop in that John Lennon beat his wife, posting this in the tag (which violates an ancient tumblr real by the way--no hate in the tags).

The antis outside the fandom speak to a larger anti-John Lennon sentiment online. I see references to John Lennon ‘beating his wife�� on Tiktok and twitter. The tone of anti-John Lennon posts has shifted. Before, it felt like the antis were being smug but also argumentative. They wanted to have a conversation about this bit of info they read on Reddit with no context. Now, “John Lennon beating his wife” is practically a meme. It’s a running joke online that John Lennon was a wife beater. I can’t look on my instagram explore page because every so often a John Lennon beats his wife meme will pop up amongst the other, normal, memes.

This change in discourse suggests that the internet has just accepted this as fact now. I should note that back in 2012, it seemed as if few people knew this fact. The fandom knew it, and these random antis knew it, but few others did. Now, because of how common these memes are, it seems to be widespread knowledge.

Consequently, the Beatles fandom, who used to ward off attacks from antis, seems to have given in. I recently saw a post from a Beatles blog (had the URL and icon and everything) that confessed they felt guilty for listening to the Beatles, and I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed in the fandom. People tend to put disclaimers in posts about John or even all four that John is an ‘awful man.’ It seems like the self-aware ignorant bliss has completely gone away. Occasionally, I still see posts joyously talking about Mclennon or reblogs of old photos from the 60s. But the culture has shifted.

Online, it no longer feels comfortable to be a Beatles fan. It feels like you have to own up to 8 decades of mistakes by four men you’ve never met. And, I should note, this is kind of how it feels to be a fan of anything right now. Taron is not canceled today, but he could be tomorrow. It’s this pervasive feeling of guilt that the person you’re supporting may or definitely has or is doing something wrong.

I’ll admit this uncomfortable feeling has expanded into other parts of my fandom life. I listen to their music, and I feel elated--the way I always have. Then, I get these intrusive thoughts which sound like all the worst parts of Twitter combined. It wasn’t always like this. Back in 2012, when I knew almost nothing about them, I saw them as four young men who were full of happiness, love for another, and talent. Back then, listening to their music was exciting and joyous. Sometimes, I fear that I can never feel that way again. Next year, when I finally go to Liverpool, will I be filled with excitement or guilt?

I say all this for a few reasons. One, I love John Lennon. I appreciate all the good he did for the world not just as a musician and an artist but also his advocacy and charity work. I love him, and a part of me will always love him, but observing the change in discourse has enlightened me as a historian. Part of my job is to observe people’s legacies, and John’s is perhaps the most interesting legacy I’ve ever observed. When he died, he was hailed as a saint. But tall poppy syndrome set in, and the antis started. This culture grew and grew to the point where it seems to, at least among the younger generation, taken over the sainthood.

But as a historian and a fan, I have never seen the saint or the devil. I’ve only seen the man, the incredibly flawed man. The thing that these antis never understand is that John Lennon was painfully aware of his own flaws to the point where it made him all the more self-destructive. In essence, his past mistakes caused him to make additional mistakes. But John, aware of his own flaws, always tried to change and was often successful. I’ve talked about this before, but John demonstrated that he was capable of being a good person, like properly so, again and again. After he struck Cynthia, he never hit her again. His shortcomings as a father to Julian weren’t repeated with Sean. He worked on his drinking, his drug addiction, and his anger, trying to overcome those demons till the day he died. By all accounts, the John Lennon that died in 1980 is not the John Lennon who struck Cynthia Powell at school. That John Lennon was living a cleaner, healthier life. He was a better father to both his sons by that point, and was trying to repair his relationship with Julian. He was a good husband to Yoko and saw himself living a long and happy life.

John Lennon cannot and should not be boiled down to just his flaws. It’s one thing as a fan to acknowledge that John is a flawed human being (news flash: they all are), but he is also much bigger than that.

So once again, why am I writing this long, rambling post, once again talking about John Lennon’s virtues? Because if I can’t engage with healthy discourse about the Beatles and John Lennon, then I can’t engage with discourse on the topic at all. So, I probably will post less Beatles stuff because I find it hard to go through the tags or even my dash (well, I can’t really go through my dash anymore for other reasons I’m not going to get into right now). If any of my followers have noticed a lot of Taron posts lately, it’s not just because I love Taron, it’s because Taron’s tag is pretty much the only location on tumblr I feel 100% comfortable in. Any foray into John or the Beatles tags becomes uncomfortable and guilt-ridden quickly.

So, I probably will post less about the Beatles until I can find a blog or a tag that doesn’t give me bad vibes. My fandom will likely outgrow tumblr and the internet. I have a ton of Beatles books; maybe I’ll rely on those. I am doing official scholarly research on them now. Maybe that will be my outlet. I’m sorry if I post less about them now, but it’s really for my own well-being.

#John lennon #the beatles

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a-simple-imagine · 5 years ago

Text

Team Cap

Requested by Anonymous: “Civil war imagine with fem!reader and natasha where they're on opposing teams and there's some delicious angst where the reader says "the next person to ask me about Natasha is gonna lose their legs." A bit of established relationship.”

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Words: 1.9k+

Trigger Warning - Swearing

A/N - I want to make it clear i was and always will be team iron man.

Headcanon that Tony buys you iron man merch for every birthday, Christmas, etc.

"If we sign these accords I'll never be able to use my powers again," You groan loudly as you pushed yourself up on the couch. Steve heading in your direction with two colourful mugs in hand. He sits in the armchair to the right of you, passing over the mug with Iron Man's face on. Tony had bought you it for your last birthday; God only knows why. Why would you possibly want a mug that had Iron Man's face on? In all fairness, though you did use it a lot.

"Then don't," Steve insists, his shoulders rising in a casual little shrug. You rolled your eyes completely dismissing his words.

"That wouldn't be an option,"

"They can't force you to sign. Do whatever you think is right," Steve replies. You blow softly on the top of your tea before taking a small sip. He was right, even if the accords came into play they couldn't make you sign it but then there would be a penalty. You'd be working outside the law. A criminal but a just one at that.

"I wish Nat could see it as clearly as you, I can't just sign my life away."

"Maybe if you explain it to her she'll listen." he suggests. You watch him as he takes a long swig from his mug, waiting until he's finished.

"Doubt it, my girl is stubborn as an ox. A real pain in the ass."

"You're right about that," there was a light-hearted chuckle from Steve. "But if there is anyone who can convince her it's you, Y/N. Natasha may not change her mind but you can at least try to get her to understand yours."

You take a long sip of your tea, a smile settling on your lips. "You're a very wise man, Mr. Rogers. Where ever do you get it?"

"When you live as long as I have, you learn a couple of things." He nods a little, a soft smile on his lips.

"Ah to be old and wise," you comment as you finish off your tea. Placing the iron man mug on the coffee table you rush off to find Natasha. You check all the usual spots starting with the shooting range but you eventually find her hidden away in a conference room alongside Tony. She's lounging on one of the chairs near the front with her feet up on the table. Tony is sat on the table next to her as they seemingly stare at the wall. You push the door open quietly coming to a halt when you hear what they're discussing. Luckily, they hadn't noticed you yet.

"-on Cap, that's not on me."

"I don't think I've ever seen the others so angry," Natasha replies almost absentmindedly. "This could really mess with the team."

"Don't be silly, little red. The rest of them will come to their senses and realize this is what needs to be done. It's for the best."

Natasha's head shakes a little. "Don't call me little red."

Tony laughs. "They may not see it now but they will. I still can't believe you're on my side."

"And so so close to deferring." Natasha leans down on the table with her elbow. Head resting in her hand. "It's not even about sides, it's about protecting people. At the rate we're going, we're probably doing more harm than good."

"...What about Y/N?" Tony asks cautiously.

"What about her?"

"I just... you two have been acting very weird lately and she's not gonna be happy about this. You heard the other day."

A sigh follows Tony's words and you assume it came from Natasha. You shift your weight uncomfortably, you had lingered too long at the door and now it's awkward. You could pretend you hadn't been spying but now you weren't too sure she'd listen anyway. "That doesn't matter now. Y/N is.... special to me but she's also dangerous. I can't risk everyone's life just for her and she's on the wrong side of this."

Dangerous. You're dangerous. You're on the wrong side. You quietly close the door, not wanting to draw attention before heading back down the corridor. You were never quite sure where you stood with Natasha but now it was pretty clear. Do the others think the same thing? That you're dangerous?

You didn't even try to convince her. You didn't let the others try and persuade you. Instead, you pushed everyone away. If they all thought you were such a monster, this was for the best. You needed a distraction from the avengers; from your own head so you threw yourself into training. Standing in the gym at the break of dawn, you jab the punching bag with your wrapped hands, pausing briefly when you hear the door open. You hesitated for verbal communication but when there wasn't one you just continue punching. That was until you saw Natasha out of the corner of your eye. Things had become tense between the two of you; overly so. Packing up your things, you leave. You don't want to deal with her right now. Every conversation always became about the accords and you hadn't scheduled in an argument today. With Natasha in the gym, you decide the next best thing is to go for a jog outside. You've never liked jogging. You only ever do it when something is wrong; like you're running from your problems. Literally running from your problems. Steve joins you not too long after. He's faster than you are. You think nothing of it until he tries talking to you. He asks about Natasha. Guess it's time to grab some breakfast.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, you head for the kitchen. It's surprisingly empty. The only other person being Clint. You're grateful when the first word out of his mouth is "Good Morning" and not Natasha related.

"What are you doing up?" You ask, as you stroll to get a bowl out of one of the hanging cupboards.

"Couldn't sleep." He replies you take a moment to look at him. The tired eyes and messy hair were an interesting look. You place the iron man ceramic bowl on the counter; another gift from Tony. He gave you it for your 1st year anniversary of joining the team.

"I feel you," You comment as you collect a box of cereal and the milk. You'd make something more but you frankly couldn't be bothered. "You gonna be okay?"

He nods, as he takes a bite of the toast sat beside him and you take him at his word. Pouring Rice Krispies into the bowl before adding some milk, you grab your empty mug and sit beside him. "You want coffee?"

You give him a firm nod as you shove a spoonful of cereal into your mouth. He pours you some and slides the mug back over. "Thanks."

"What you up to today?"

You shrug a little. "Don't know yet. You?"

"Gotta help Cap out with a few things, you can come if you want?"

"No thanks."

You continue to chat with Clint as you enjoy your breakfast. And the rest of the day goes by smoothly, you even manage to talk to Natasha a little. Although it still ended the same way and you had to remove yourself from the situation. None of the others so much as tried to interfere, they were probably just used to it by now.

The entire situation escalated so quickly, you didn't have time to figure out what was going on. Everyone seemed to just divide right down the middle creating such a rift that you were now stood at an airport fighting the avengers. Bucky, Wanda, Cap, Sam and some guy you hardly knew names Scott all lined up alongside you. Directly opposite stood Natasha, Tony, Rhodey, Vision and a guy in a cat costume? A hand brushed against yours, and you look down as Wanda takes your hand.

"You gonna be okay?"

You look back to the others, nodding your head a little. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go. "Well... Nat-"

"Don't." You state firmly. "We're fine. Everything is fine and I swear to god, the next person to ask me about Natasha is gonna lose their legs."

"I'm just making sure-"

"Stay out of my head, Wanda." You growl.

"What do we do, Cap?" Sam asks bringing you back from your anger. You take a deep breath.

"We fight,"

"Yay," you mumble sarcastically as you step alongside the team. The others start walking towards you as well. "This is a bad idea."

"There's no other way,"

The airport erupts into a war zone as you charge at each other. Your eyes fixed in on Natasha. Her punch collided with the palm of your hand. "Nice catch." You just roll your eyes at her comment, closing your hand around her fist, twisting her arm and dragging her to the floor. "Maybe we can work this out."

"Talk is cheap." You growl.

"Suit yourself." Her leg sweeps into your ankles, sending you falling to the ground before jumping to her feet. "I just don't want you to be mad at me over this."

You stand up, brushing yourself off. "It's not about the accords." It kind of was but not entirely. Taking a deep breath your fight becomes a series of equal parts action and reaction. You punch, She dodges. She grabs you and flips you onto the floor, you kick her legs to bring her down. You're equally skilled and aren't doing anything to cause any real damage. Pinned against the floor, Natasha holds you down.

"Then what?"

You struggle under her grip. "You think I'm a monster. You think the accords will protect people from me."

For a split second her stoic mask breaks. It takes a little help from Wanda for you to be set free. Natasha thrown against a metal container, she groans loudly. "At least, try to beat her."

You smile at Wanda. With her palms, Nat pushes off the ground with enough force that when her feet collide with your chest, you stumble backward. "I don't think you're a monster," As you punch, she twists and throws her legs around your neck, pulling you both to the ground. "You can manipulate reality that makes you dangerous. We all are. The accords will keep us in line but I understand why you went against it."

Trapped, you decide to use a different tactic. You sink your teeth into her leg which loosens her grip enough for you to pull away. "I'm not signing my powers away."

"You fucking bit me," she chuckles, running her hand over her leg. "I normally wouldn't object but damn, Y/N."

You give her a small smile. "You deserves it."

"Maybe I do,"

The fight seems to be never-ending. You're getting sore and out of breath, sweat dripping down your forehead. This was stupid and definitely getting out of hand. You throw Natasha over your shoulder, foot resting against her chest in an attempt to keep her down. "Friends again?"

"I think we're a little more than friends, don't you?" You let up and she sits up, leaning back on the palm of her hands. You sit down beside her.

"You wanna grab some ice cream after this?" You ask, falling backwards against the ground. She lays down beside you.

"Sounds like a plan."

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #Black Widow #natasha romanoff imagines #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #Team Cap

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tisfan · 5 years ago

Text

(I can) Brew this all Day

Title (I Can) Brew this all Day Link https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408346/chapters/58881478 Square Filled C5: Bucky/Wanda Ship/Main Pairing Bucky/Wanda Rating Teen Major Tags/Triggers/Warnings none Summary Wanda works at a coffee shop. Clint does not understand why she’s crushing on a patron. Word Count 1559

for @buckybarnesbingo and @livewire28

“You’re a fright,” Steve complained as she walked in through the employee entrance at Brew This All Day coffee. “Did someone throw a bucket of water at you?”

“It’s raining,” Wanda said, scowling. She knew her hair looked terrible, practically plastered to her head. She’d had an umbrella when she left for work, but it had gotten snatched up by the wind and by the time she chased it down, it didn’t seem to matter. She was already soaked through.

Usually, she kept a spare dress in her work-locker for just such occasions, but she’d had to wear one last week when a customer did a “prank” and chucked an extra large frozen drink at her (with extra whip) so he could film it for his YouTube channel.

Steve had put him on the not-welcome-back list, but it probably didn’t matter. She was sure that the asshole had gotten fifty million hits or whatever and collected his cash from YouTube and he’d go around the rest of the city doing it to other baristas.

Whatever. She was going to have to work in a cold, wet dress and soaking shoes today and her hair was a mess.

“Your boy’s here,” Clint added. “I mean, I don’t get it. I can’t look at a customer without feeling contempt, so the idea of flirting with them really just-- they’re customers, therefore, idiots.”

“You’re an idiot,” Wanda said, trying suddenly not to throw up with nerves.

Not that it mattered. The cute guy who came to Brew This to study wasn’t going to ask her out any more than the hot guy who came in at odd hours of the night (Brew This All Day was one of the few coffee shops that was decent and open twenty-four hours a day) was going to ask out Steve, no matter how many longing looks Steve directed at that guy’s ass when he left the shop.

Customers might all be idiots, but they often didn’t even see servers unless they made a mistake. And even when that happened, servers weren’t… people. Not really.

Even the guys that flirted with her didn’t see her as a human being; someone to date and enjoy their company. They saw her as a conquest or a cheap, easy lay.

So it didn’t matter that she looked terrible, like a drowned rat, and that her clothes were going to wrinkle and be clammy and nasty all day.

He was just a decoration.

Someone with a perfect face and amazing shoulders and lovely hair.

A work of art.

And as untouchable as the same.

“Oh, my god,” Natasha said, uncoiling herself from behind the desk in the manager’s office. Technically, Nat was the shift lead, but Steve mostly had her doing the books because she was better at it than Steve was. She also set all the schedules, approved vacation time, and worked shifts when other people were sick.

Thus, not someone you wanted to be on the wrong side of.

“You look like you’re gonna puke,” Nat said. “Come here, change shirts with me.” Nat tugged off her scoop-necked black shirt with red accents, completely unphased by the way Clint stared and Steve turned around, the back of his neck going brick red. Nat had no body-shame, along with everything else.

Not that she had any reason to have it. She was quite attractive.

Wanda took the proffered shirt, but went behind the door to change, giving Nat her damp dress in return. So, now she was in Nat’s too tight, too short top. And leggings.

Well, she might not look better, but at least she wasn’t soaked.

Nat rolled her eyes at Wanda’s shirt and grabbed one of the tees with the shop’s logo on it. Technically, employees got a 50% discount off all shop merch, but even at half off, Wanda couldn’t really afford a new shirt right now.

She wondered if Nat could, or if she was just going to count the peep show as part of her compensation.

“Get on the clock, witchy,” Clint said. “I want to get the hell out of here.”

“Remind me why I pay you again?” Steve mused, scratching his chin.

Wanda didn’t stick around to watch the rest of the argument; she’d heard that particular song-and-dance a dozen times before.

Steve was, actually, a good boss. He paid at least fifteen dollars an hour -- as soon as Seattle had instituted that as minimum wage, he was right there behind it. Also, he let them keep all their tips and didn’t cut himself in on it, even if he worked a shift behind the machines.

As advertised, the hot guy was at his usual table; she could see him almost the whole time she was working, except when she was directly pulling a shot. Probably for the best, since she needed to pay attention to the steamer and not to the daytime television god who drank caramel lattes with extra whip while he studied from a pile of books.

Wanda thought he was planning to be a social worker, or something. She had trouble talking to people outside of actual work interactions, even on the best of days, and when dazzled by the man’s eyes, she barely remembered to ask his name to put it on the cup.

Worst, he never said his name. He sometimes used initials (JB) but mostly he used a series of jokes. Manchurian Candidate, Winter Soldier, Special Snowflake. (She particularly liked that last one, which he used when there was an entire cadre of bro-ristas in the shop, the kind of guys who liked to lean on their privilege and tell Wanda that she had no idea how to make coffee. People talked about Karens in their Target, but she thought those friends of hers could use an afternoon with a coffee-house Chad and see which one was worse. Those guys had looked up to mock the person calling themselves Snowflake, taken one look at JB’s body-builder physique and shut the fuck up. It had been great.)

Fortunately, there wasn’t much of a line; just before lunch when her shift started tended to be dead, aside from the occasional harried looking mom, or the perpetual student.

She checked the house pot, found it relatively fresh. The pastry cabinet was well stocked. She counted out her drawer, signed in. Watched JB from the corner of her eye. He looked up as she came into the room, smiled, and then went back to scowling at his papers and books and computer.

She did a round of the floor, picked up a few stray napkins and straw papers, wiped down the tables.

“Get you a refill?” she chirped, just like he was any other customer.

“Oh, would you?” JB asked, sounding like she’d offered a drowning man a lifeline.

“Sure, what are you drinking today?”

“Double-double,” JB said. “I’ve got an exam in--” he checked his watch, “three hours.”

“Sounds fun,” Wanda said. “I have a short shift today, I’m off in six hours.”

JB looked up at her, eyes going wide. “Are--”

“I mean, are-- if you-- just saying--”

“Are you asking me out on a post-exam date?” The only thing good about the entire situation is that he seemed just as flustered and embarrassed as she did. And he hadn’t immediately told her he was in a relationship. Or gay.

“I mean-- if you wanted to, then, you know. Yes?” Wanda waved her hands around, wondering if a convenient hole would ever open up in the ground and swallow her. No such luck.

“Yeah, then, sure,” JB said. “I, yeah. I’ll either want to celebrate. This is my last exam before I get my degree, fingers crossed--” Wanda dutifully crossed her fingers for him “-- or I’ll want to drown myself in beer if it goes badly. In either case, company would be nice.”

“Yeah,” Wanda said. “Okay. We’ll do that, then. You can pick me up here, the red line’s just up the road, go anywhere you want.”

“Sure thing,” JB said. He jotted something down on a paper napkin-- when he handed it to her, it was a phone number. “Text me in a bit, then I’ll have your number and you’ll have mine. Just-- just in case.”

Wanda nodded.

She took the napkin, went back and got his double-double, and then got caught up in an entire busload of tourists from Maryland, none of whom had been in a coffee shop that wasn’t Dunkin’ Donuts or Starbucks in their life, and by the time she texted him, he was already gone to his exam.

Just sitting down. Wish me luck.

Wanda debated her list of emojis for a bit, and then sent him a snowflake, a four leaf clover, thumbs up, and several coffee and tea cups. Waited a few minutes, then sent a wine glass, a plate, and an OK.

OK Wine

“Somebody’s happy,” Steve commented, looking at her beaming at her phone.

“I have a date,” Wanda said.

“With Snowflake?”

“Yeah?”

“Good for you. Guess I owe Nat twenty dollars.”

“Why?”

“I bet that I’d ask Tony out before you’d get up the nerve to ask JB.”

“So, uh. You don’t happen to know his actual name, do you?”

Steve just laughed and walked away.

Awkward.

#buckybarnesbingo2020 #bucky barnes x wanda maximoff #coffee shop AU

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vespiiqueen · 4 years ago

Note

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you (if you want !! 💛💖)

Wow I rambled a lot with this but i can't add cuts bc I'm on mobile rn DHSISHSJ sorry :"))))

1. Ik Ik "haha how cringe are you" of me to say, but honestly? Homestuck. Homestuck helped me in a time of need and when i so desperately wanted something to latch onto. Finally, I caved into my friends telling me to read it-- and it's been a blast!! The epilogues / hs^2 make me feel kinda sad though, because so much of what I loved about the original was yeeted through the nine circles of hell and into the trash. I love Y/ffany's (I call her Yippi tho) design, the art is really pretty at times, Harry is a major dork, I LIVE for seeing Vrissy bc honestly?? Her design is 10/10, very early 2000s emo style and I also live for that. Tavros is cute and a nerd and I think that's swell!

But in terms of story and how any of this happens, it makes me sad to see it happen. If Vriska could return as Vrissy, why not OTHER beta trolls? Where's my Eridan fish man, writers?? Give me the boy or perish by my fury.

2. Also super "haha how cringe are you" but,,, murder cats (Warriors), esp the early 2005-2015 amvs and stuff. I remember watching Flightfootwarrior's "I Will Not Bow" Scourge amv for HOurs and having no clue what was happening, but all these edgy kitties were KITTIES! It's introduced me to a lot of music I still listen to to this very day (Imagine Dragons, Young/the entirety of Hollywood Undead, Breaking Benjamin). And yknow what?? This new arc is absolute chaos, but in the good way.

I'm an "OG Fan". I prefer the first arc, The Prophecies Begin, to almost any of the other arcs. I just could never get into the other arcs-- not to say I haven't read them, I HAVE and the Fire Scene was probably one of my favorite moments beside grumpy Jaypaw, god complex Lionblaze, and fear the gods Hollypaw. I thought the build-up for it was SUPER satisfying. Gray Wing is my baby and I fully embellish in the Gray Wing is Silverpelt theory.

This new arc is definitely something new for the universe. While I didn't read aVoS (but I may do that if i can find the files for it), and so I don't know the major events of it other than what I've seen M.A.P.'s (Multi-Animator Projects, for clarification,,, bc unfortunately that term is also something disgusting). There's fucking cat possession and all the Clans questioning their belief system, yo. Shit be on fire.

Also the Imposter is 100% Ashfur, that's canon now, yeah??? Also im sorry but fuck Root x Bristle that's the dumbest shit I have ever seen. Give me Root x Shadow or face the wrath of my dragon plushies.

RiverClan is my Clan and my gov assigned warrior name is Fireshell 🌟🌟

3. As much as I hate the author,,,,, Harry Potter. It's been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. I can never really remember why, but I've always just loved it- the movies, the books, the extra little merch that would pop up in my local Walmart. Of course my favorite character is Draco Malfoy. I could go on and on and ON about how I think his character arc was SHIT and JKR didn't have the balls to make him a confident gay man that was always implied through the text (at least, my lesbian ass thought it was implied but i may just be projecting, idk). I could ramble about Draco for HOURS and what I think his character SHOULD have been and how his parents are horrible (more specifically, Lucius bc Narcissa [?] Actually showed a few good moments), and a child should never have to pay for their parents sins.

Oh noo, Draco's a villain because he's a victim of major abuse and peer pressure? He's a villain because a literal child can be horrible and they'll always always always stay as a horrible little fiend?? Fuck that. He's a child.

Unlike manchild grease pan Snape, who was a racist piece of shit and shouldn't have became a fucking school teacher but it's okay because he was ~~~in love~~~. No, fuck you, he was a creep. James Potter n Co may have been a little posh bitch to you, Snape, but that's no fucking excuse to continue to bluntly be a little cunt all the way into adulthood. You're an adult who flatly changed your PATRONUS to imitate Lily's. You have no excuse. And Harry went and named his child after you LIKE JESUS CHRIST, DID RON'S SISTER NOT HAVE A SAY IN THE NAMES TOO?????

I also fully adore the idea that Muggles can run into Hogwarts and their patronus can 100% be a made up, fantasy creature. Imagine you learn the patronus spell and suddenly fucking ARCEUS comes from your wand. Imagine learning the spell and CHTULU (i did not spell that right but im so tired) comes from your wand-- an entire ass fucking Lovecraftian, Eldrith horror is just the embodiment of you. What if it was a fucking Homestuck character like Vriska? How fucking METAL would that be?? Hskajssowjjsjs get on it fandom.

4. Hee hee very evident by my url but Pokemon is another major thing of mine. While vespiquen isn't my favorite (that title goes to Hydreigon), it is definitely up there!

I've ALWAYS enjoyed the idea of Pokemon. You run around, training up these fight monsters and collecting them. I remember playing my sister's Ruby version on her flip-up Gameboy. I couldn't even read but I ran around catching god only knows how many of the same pokemon wherever she was. Apparently, I had fought for hours in the same area and leveled her Blaziken up to lvl 50 something and left her lvl 30s in the dust LMAO.

I got my first game when it was Pearl/Diamond. It was Pearl, and it still holds a very fond place in my heart. I could barely read, I could barely write-- I had named my Turtwig something along the lines of "MmorpHy" and my player boy "ZbsibJ". Yes I remember the names slightly. I really didn't get far-- I barely got to the first gym but I was just so happy to play it.

I eventually lost the game, as a 5 year old would do, but I can still vividly remember what was happening when the game arrived. I had just came back from the dentist and was quite tired from fighting the dentist bc I was super scared. Mom suddenly handed me a box and said it was mine-- my overseas (at that time) dad had bought me Pearl and my sister Diamond, because I lost my shit about it when he visited one time.

Well, tdlr, I played it for about five minutes while struggling to stay awake against the loopy gas they made me take. I fell asleep listening to Twinleaf Town's soundtrack. Every time I play a rom of Pearl and I get to where the player's house fades in and I hear that first tune of the song, I get a huge smile on my face and cry-- as.. Weird as it sounds.

A few years later, I had gotten Pokemon Black bc I liked Reshiram on the cover. Now, this one I could actually READ when playing, but I don't remember a lot of things about it. I probably lost this one too, as a 8/9 year old would do. I DO remember, I chose Snivy and my sister chose Tepig (hrmm there's a theme here of grass/fire goin on......) and vibing to the music. I was so amazed by the sprites moving, I just kept getting into encounters to see the sprites move (oh boy, no one tell younger 7-9 y/o me about Zelda......oh wait....)

Playing Pokemon NOW, as a 17 year old """gifted""" chick, I stil have very fond memories. I recently beat Pokemon Black again and GOD the OTS SLAPS. I fucking adore the soundtrack-- the track that plays when you battle a trainer, the low health dings being turned into a legit song that also slaps, the battle! gym leader themes-- and oh my gOd, the legendary theme is amazing? It really tells you just how glorious these pokemon are supposed to be. It's not intimidating like Groudon/Kyroge/Rayquaza's themes. It's not action packed like Palkia/Dialga's is, it's not filled with tension like Giratina/Arceus's is-- but it radiates the GLORY that the beasts portray. And I live for that. (Also, Kyurem's version is my favorite because it glitches in the beginning and that's rly cool)

P/D/P and BW/BW2's stories, imo, are some of the greatest ones. Yeahhh, US/USUM's is cool and I haven't played XY nor SwSh-- but the ones I can find memorable are PDP and BW/BW2. I love N. I love Barry. They're my sons. Ghetsis is fucking terrifying, Cyrus needs a hug. Giratina scared the piss out of me when I was younger, which was NOT helped by Giratina and The Sky Warrior.

I think my favorite movies are the gen 4 ones. The Rise of Darkrai having a tear-jerking theme for such a mysterious pokemon (i still tear up when i hear Ocarion), Giratina being spiteful is a mood and Shaymin was cute, Arceus being angry is also a mood. Yeah, Pokemon 4Ever made me cry my eyes out over Celebi, Mewtwo Returns made me again cry because Mewtwo accepting who he is, I remember how vastly different the BW movies are-

I just. I have a lot of memories with the series, even if Gamefreak and Nintendo kinda do the series dirty a lot (your top-grossing thing and you made That monstrosity for the Switch? How dare you.). It's comforting to be stressed and pull up my roms for the games and to play them. Mystery Dungeon is incredibly fun to play, Pokemon Ranger is really fun with the concept (Shadows of Almia continues to kick my ass to this very day and FUCK the Jungle Relic, I hate the Water Challenge fucking gyarados bullshit). I remember the pokemon I got for MD (I got Time, my sis got Darkness) was Mudkip, if that is any help.

I love my little fictional pixel monsters.

5. Yup, someone told tiny 7-9 y/o me about console games. The legend of Zelda. My first Zelda game was Twilight Princess on the Wii and BOY did I play the fucking SHIT out of that game.

Honestly, looking back and looking at playthroughs now-- I still love TP. Twilight Princess is still one of my top favorite Zelda games-- yes, even after playing OoT, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Skyward Sword, the anniversary four swords edition for the DS where you could play by yourself (Nintendo pls bring that back, I don't have friends to play it with ;-;), Phantom Hourglass- ect.

Something about Twilight Princess grabbed me by the head and yeeted me into the world. I can remember playing it for hours with little to no breaks. I, a tiny 9 y/o, had gotten the hang of the controllers and managed to get past the tutorial quite easily. And then, I was launched into the game and I wasn't stopping for NOTHING. Mom and Dad would have to force me to save and get off to go and eat dinner. THAT sucked.

I had done everything on my own up until the first temple, the forest temple. Not where/when you saved the dumb kid, but when you were saving the spirit's light. Theeeeeeennn I got stuck on the fucking Forest Temple for deadass six months straight. I'd play for hours, running around in circles, unable to figure out where to go, and because I didn't grasp the temple's purpose of being that way- I'd get angry and get off. It wasn't until dad looked up a walkthrough and talked me through what I was supposed to do that I learned how to get through temples.

I had gotten to the last little fight with Ganondorf before the Wii broke and i could no longer play. Despite the Wii being broke and we got rid of it, I was ADAMANT on keeping the game, and I kept that game for YEARS. It was an original copy out of a sealed box, and I eventually lost it when I left it accidentally at my now ex-friend's house.

She had a Wii and I went "hey I have a Wii game!" And I brought my Zelda over. Worst fucking choice of my goddamn life. Mom called me to come home and said I couldn't sleep over like the original plan was, and that was it. My ex-friend stashed my Zelda and I never saw it again. And, even if I wanted to-- I couldn't get it back, which makes me upset. We had a BAD falling out. She likely doesn't even remember it's there, or sold it to the local game junkie kid who buys ALL games.

But I still love the game. Midna was amazing, and I loved how snarky she was and she has a very cute design! The game's OST is fucking phenomenal. Midna's Desperate Hour makes me cry bc goddamn it really sells how serious that situation is. I love Hyrule Field's theme in this game. I love the Twilight Realm's song. Zant was fucking hilariously scary. Ganondorf's design in this game scared the piss out of me when I was younger.

Midna and this game's Link and Zelda are def my favorites. Yeah yeah, Sheik is cool and all I Guess but dhsushwishs Midna holds the special place in my heart. She was totally my gay awakening BUT

For other game antagonists, I adore Ghirahim-- let's go you funky little queer-coded villain. Skull Kid was great, I love the entire dynamic of him. Prankster lost soul stumbles upon Majora's Mask and the mask makes him act out due to powers-- which, I actually took very heavy inspiration from for one of my OCs. The moon falling to Hyrule was a fucking terrifying looming threat.

But the game series holds a place, and I've yet to be able to play BoTW-- although, I'm fairly certain I'll like it. The playthroughs I've watched of it are all fairly decent! I just. Gotta save up enough money to buy it haha.

Dang guess I gotta go watch a Twilight Princess playthrough again.

Honorable Mentions:

Avatar: the Last Airbender, specifically Book 3

my OCs definitely make me happy, they're my children and I'd ramble A LOT longer if given the chance WHEEZE

My friends, but I didn't add them here bc it's more fictional stuff, I presume

Baking. I love to bake cupcakes.

Painting is fun. I'm an artist and goddammit im going to use painting as an excuse to make a mess.

Fire. I rly like fire, down to a pyromaniac level. However, i hate the fires that happened to my home town, the Great Smokey Fires of 2016-- THAT pissed me off. How dare you burn mountain landscapes to the ground. Perish.

History. I'm a history nerd.

I'm also a science nerd.

But fuck math, I cannot comprehend math to save my life.

For some reason, I rly like learning how the human body works??? like did you know, organs are actually sticky when touched by a bare hand?? Did you?? How fucking cool is that.

Bakugan. I love Bakugan, esp the DS game. I love my Darkus Leonidas. Give me back the online world, you peasants-- I want my Darkus Dragonoid. (Also fuck all my friends from when I was in kindergarten- my theory that Alice was Masquerade was somewhat correct.)

#admin ace #admin ace speaks #communistvriska #inbox tag #homestuck #warrior cats #harry potter #pokemon #legend of zelda

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copperbadge · 5 years ago

Text

Answers About Starbucks

goldenmeme replied to your photo “Cover me. I'm going in. [description: the new Starbucks Reserve...”

For reeeaaal. When ours first opened entire families would get dressed up in their Sunday best to go, like they were going to the ballet or something. (Do people still get dressed up for the ballet? I'm old and live in Seattle, where nowadays no one gets dressed up for anything ever. Which made the Starbucks Sunday Best phenomenon even more jarring.)

I’ve never dressed up for anything in my life unless my mother or social convention forced me, so I’m not a good judge :D I’ve gone to the ballet in jeans. But I kind of feel like getting up in a tuxedo or a ball gown and going to a Starbucks Reserve Roastery seems....like an appropriate commentary, somehow.

kyamdone replied to your photoset “I HAD A VERY EVENTFUL EVENING. I get off work at 4:30 and I had an...”

thats in chicago????? we have that utterly and entirely cursed building In Chicago?????????

Well, it’s cursed now. Back when it was a Crate & Barrel it was...well, it was a Crate & Barrel, so it was faintly evil the way all Crate & Barrels are, but I don’t think it was actively accursed in the way it is presently. And I have nothing particularly against the Bux, I don’t drink coffee so I mostly just ignore it, but this particular Starbucks is Not Right.

redsector-a replied to your photoset “I HAD A VERY EVENTFUL EVENING. I get off work at 4:30 and I had an...”

...I'm coming down to Chicago this weekend and now I feel like I must check out Asshole Daycare just for the experience.

Be prepared to wait in line. They have a literal Disney-style maze line set up with ribbon poles and a doorman who only lets you in when people leave, and there was a line (ish) on a Tuesday at 4:30pm, so I can only imagine what the weekends are like.

justgot1 replied to your photoset “I HAD A VERY EVENTFUL EVENING. I get off work at 4:30 and I had an...”

Wait wait wait. You can’t start that strong and then just ... move on. I need more information wrt the evilness of this Starbucks. What is a daycare vibe. Who are these assholes. Let us live through you.

I mean, the assholes are just people who are clueless about how to behave in crowds -- you get that a LOT in Chicago, even amongst people who live in the urban area, because very few people who live in urban Chicago come from an urban space originally. Last year the city literally had to post signs teaching us how to stand on the right and walk on the left on escalators.

So you have semi-clueless Chicagoans AND even more clueless tourists gawking at everything and stopping at the top of the escalator to fucking have a conversation. Nobody’s being an intentional asshole but everyone’s still behaving like one.

The daycare vibe of the place is a little harder to explain. It’s kind of like...there’s no guiding force to the interior space, there’s no intentionality to how it’s laid out. There’s no signage, even. There’s just these random spaces within a larger space -- kiosks of merchandise with no cashiers or signs pointing to where you buy the stuff, islands where clearly you’re meant to buy food or beverages but no clear indication of where you order or what’s available at any given space. A woman walked past me carrying a slice of pizza and a coffee, but they weren’t on a tray or a plate or in her hands, they were on a wooden board. The employees wear tan aprons and white shirts so it’s very hard to pick them out from the customers, like visually they’re not distinguished by anything brightly colored.

There’s just this sense that none of the customers know quite what they’re doing, and there’s no formalized activity, there’s just wandering around until something happens and then you engage with it, which is very daycare-kindergarten-y to me. It’s not helped by the seating areas, which are all weirdly shaped, super low-to-the-ground furniture arranged haphazardly, like children’s desks, and the insane number of high chairs dotted about. You can’t get a seat for love or money but there’s an army of high chairs lined up against one wall.

algaegirl17 replied to your photo “Cover me. I'm going in. [description: the new Starbucks Reserve...”

My sister works for Starbucks in Seattle. The reserve stores are sooooooo extra. It was so stressful ordering anything but the food was good. And the fireplace made a long flight worth it. But the chairs make no sense. It's like someone who only reads modern design magazines but never tests the furniture.

YES THANK YOU EXACTLY. There is one fireplace in this one but it’s like...in a corner with no seats around it, next to a merch stand? I don’t know why it’s there.

lololovescheese replied to your photo “Cover me. I'm going in. [description: the new Starbucks Reserve...”

Part of me is like jealous the other part of me is so anxious

Do not be jealous, you are missing nothing. It’s like a place designed to induce anxiety. The music is SO FUCKING LOUD and the space is incredibly poorly designed. It’s not an experience I intend to repeat. There’s apparently a bar where you can get nonalcoholic coffee drinks that taste boozy, but I don’t like the taste of alcohol or of coffee so who gives a shit, and there’s an ACTUAL bar but it’s a nightmare, and if I want a nice drink I can go to any one of ten thousand cooler bars in Chicago. You should not be jealous of anyone in the Chicago Starbucks Reserve Roastery, you should pity us.

memprime replied to your photo “Cover me. I'm going in. [description: the new Starbucks Reserve...”

No way! Last Friday morning the S.O. and I got in no problems. I thought the lines would have died down by now. (Also, let me know what you think about the first floor escalator.)

It’s still super crowded. I mean, I waited for like two minutes, it was exactly enough time to edit those photos and post them, but they definitely still have a doorman and will for a while, I suspect.

The first-floor escalator was there when it was a C&B, so it was fun but not particularly new. My memories are hazy but I seem to recall that the same area had a DOWN escalator when it was a C&B, and I literally could not figure out how to fucking escape when I wanted to leave. All of the up-down movement happens in that one part of the building on every floor, so it’s deeply counterintuitive that you can’t go to that area to get back down to ground level. I had to literally stop an employee and ask them how to get down, and then walk through two lines of people and a seating area in order to leave. If a fire ever breaks out in that building people are going to die.

#reply all #memprime #lololovescheese #algaegirl17 #justgot1 #kyamdone #redsector-a #goldenmeme #starbucks #chicago

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gold-from-straw · 5 years ago

Text

The Darkness Between Stars

Charles, Erik and Moira arrive back at the base just as Shaw kills Darwin. In that moment, exposed to Darwin's terror and pain, Charles snaps, and lashes out in pure rage. When he comes to his senses, everyone he loves is terrified of him, and there's a soft, kind voice at the back of his mind telling him everything will be all right.

But how can it be when a man lies dead at his feet?

My contribution for the @cherikzine, Bookends of the Same Soul, featuring dark!Charles and a fix-it of Darwin’s death - thank you so much to the organisers, I had such a great time ^_^ If you still want to get merch and a pdf of all the incredible content, you can find it all here, please have a look! Thank you so much to @ikeracity for beta-ing! Read on AO3 if you prefer!

The silence in the car was more awkward than it ever had been between him and Erik, had been since they’d left Russia. For the thousandth time, Charles considered… just a little peek. Just to see what Erik was thinking. Instead, he stared out of the window at the gathering dark as they drove back to the base.

What he’d seen in Emma’s memories was terrifying. Fantastic, to be able to see the past through the mind of another telepath, but the things he’d seen were horrifying. Shaw truly was a maniac, and even Charles’ firmly held belief that everything could – should – be achieved without violence was shaken.

At least they’d been able to get an early plane home. For a while it had seemed like they’d have to spend days in Russia before catching a transport back, and with tensions high between the children and the agents, Charles hadn’t been keen on that idea. Perhaps he and Erik could talk before they were sent off again on their next mission, clear the air between them. Charles stole another glance at Erik’s stoic face, wished he dared hear his thoughts.

And then reeled as the wave of terror hit him. “Oh, God, Raven… Moira, please drive faster – Shaw’s at the base… he’s found the children.”

He didn’t know how he survived the next few minutes, even on that short last leg up to the base. He clung to Raven’s thoughts, trying his hardest to reassure her without letting his own abject terror through to her mind, trying to reach the others. Erik held his hand outstretched, his power at its limit, hauling the car along the road faster than it could possibly drive under its own steam.

They tumbled out of the car, raced through the corridors, past dead bodies that Charles could barely notice, so fixated was he on getting to the children, getting to Raven.

And then, as they ran into the grass square in front of the common room, they saw Darwin, his skin glowing, his body burning to ash, and Charles screamed, fell to his knees as he heard Darwin’s terrified voice in his mind. He frantically tried to reach out, his entire being focused on the young man in front of him, trying so hard to adapt, to survive. Dying.

Shaw turned to go even as Darwin’s body drifted as ash on the air. Turned with a smirk as Erik raced forward, screaming at him, and Charles knelt on the grass, dug his fingers in the earth and broke.

It’s not so hard, he told himself so many times. You just have to be better than them. You have to show them that they’re not getting to you, don’t be angry. Anger never solved anything. You have to be… serene. Smile. They want to see you weak, they want to see you broken, don’t let them see that. You are serenity. You are peace. You are calm, and they can’t reach you here.

Charles’ power flooded out of his body, lashing in every direction, as vicious as a solar wind, and the only thought in his mind was vengeance.

He stood as everyone around him fell to their knees, all but the man who’d killed one of his people, his children. Shaw stood where Charles held him, every line rigid and vibrating, every thought one of fear. Charles forced his mind into every nerve of his body, in control of every twitch. His grief burned through Shaw so that if he’d been able to move his mouth he would have screamed with pain, every fragment of his soul raw and exposed to Charles’ fury.

He forced Shaw’s muscles to do his bidding, moved his legs and turned him around. Forced him to walk up to face him as his rage continued to roar through the minds of everyone nearby.

It took an effort to wrestle back some control, to release his friends – his family. Erik and the others slumped, whimpering and exhausted, but Charles had no time to care for them right now, not when all his care and all his attempts at goodness had got Darwin killed.

He snarled at Shaw, then snapped his fingers, and Erik stood beside him, breathless and terrified. Charles turned to him, frowning. “You don’t need to be afraid. He’s harmless now.”

He forced Shaw to march jerkily over to Erik, standing him still in front of the boy he’d tortured. “He’s yours,” Charles said. “I know you want to kill him. I know what you were planning all that time. I’ll hold him still, you can put the coin through his head now.”

“Charles,” whispered Erik, turning distraught eyes on him.

“What are you waiting for?” Charles snapped.

There was something prickling at the back of his mind, soft fingers, a butterfly emerging, and he shook it off. Twisted his grip on Shaw’s muscles so he fell to his knees at Erik’s feet. Erik staggered backwards, horrified.

“Do it!” Charles yelled, and Erik flinched. Turned his face away, but not before Charles saw the tears forming in his eyes. It infuriated him. “He’s here! He’s yours, kill him, isn’t that what you wanted? He killed your mother, he killed Darwin!”

--going on where am I—

Charles shook his head hard, trying to dispel the gentle sensation in the back of his skull. There was no time for gentle, no time for kind, not when men like Shaw still existed. Why was Erik not doing what he’d always wanted to do? Charles was helping him! Making it easy for him!

“Charles, please,” Raven whimpered.

Charles turned his snarling face on her and she cringed back. Something flared in his mind, something howled in anguish and wept, and the soft sensation held it, gathered it close. Charles wiped his face, forced back the sob, embraced the rage, dug it out of him, filled his entire self up with it.

He reached out with a thought and ended Shaw’s life.

Shaw fell as Charles’ power retracted from his lifeless form. The world took a deep breath, watching him, and Charles screamed.

Hey, it’s OK, kid, you’re OK, come here, I’ve got you.

Charles fell to his knees. The sensation in his mind grew larger, warmer, spread through his mind and wrapped him close. “What are you?” he shouted, clutching at his head. “What are you?”

That’s it, let it all out, but try and aim away from the others, yeah? You’re scaring ‘em.

The burning was like dragon fire, his rage a flame through every pore of his body, but the long breath was ending, and he felt empty. He clutched at the ground and sobbed. “Who are you?”

It’s Darwin… I hope you don’t mind. Look, come on, now, let’s get you up. You’re alright, man.

Charles opened his eyes as horror rushed through him, dousing the rage. He stared around at the circle of people, at his family… at all of them watching him in terror. At Shaw lying dead on the ground, because of him.

“Charles,” Erik whispered, approaching him slowly, arms held out like Charles was a wild beast. And he was… what else could he be to have torn someone’s life from them like that? What kind of monster was he? How could any of them stand to look at him?

Because he was a danger to them. They couldn’t afford to look away, they had to watch him to keep safe, of course. Charles clutched at his chest as the hole appeared inside of him, pain and grief and guilt burrowing deeper into his flesh than anything he’d ever felt. He stumbled to his feet, and Erik, strong, powerful Erik who wasn’t afraid of anything, flinched back from him.

Charles couldn’t hold himself together. He felt the fragments of his soul shattering further, ground to powder, and he ran from their fear, from everything that wasn’t hatred, because they should hate him. He was a monster. There was no way back from this.

***

You don’t want to do that, man.

Charles jumped and pressed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, trying to stop the continuous flow of tears. “It’s for the best,” he said, and turned the key in the ignition.

You know, I’m starting to figure this whole stuck-in-your-brain thing, Professor – I’ll make you come back.

Charles slumped over the wheel and let himself succumb to sobs, his body shaking, curling into itself.

Darwin’s presence in the back of his mind seemed to pulse affection through him. You’re alright, Prof. There you go. You’ve had a real rough day, huh?

“Please, please don’t be kind to me. I don’t deserve anything like that.”

And what gave you that idea? Darwin asked, a gentle frown in his voice.

Charles took a shuddering breath. “I killed a man… I just… I ended someone’s life.”

He felt the impression of a shrug. He had just killed me so… excuse me if I’m not mourning the guy.

“I hurt the others,” he whispered. “I… I lost control, I hurt all of them. I’m a monster.”

No, you’re not, Darwin said, and Charles could hear his conviction, just couldn’t accept it. I’m not saying that it’s OK to lash out like that - it’s not - but you’re not a monster.

Charles just wept, wishing he could believe him.

You know, I can feel you being all self-loathing, right? C’mon, enough of that. Plenty of people in the world who’ll hate you, you don’t have to do the job for them.

“I just… he just grabbed you… forced you to swallow all that energy and…” Charles gulped. “Oh God, are you OK, Darwin? I’m so sorry, I’m being so self-centred, and you actually… you died.”

Darwin took a deep breath. Or it sounded like he did, strange, the things a mind becomes accustomed to. Well… I thought I had, Darwin said. I thought that was it, no way could I adapt to that. But then there was your mind, so different to all the others, so much more space, and I just… I didn’t even mean to. My consciousness just hitched a lift.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, Darwin.” He shook his head. “I wish we’d arrived sooner, we could have… could have done something.”

Looks like you already did something, Darwin said, amused.

The cold, sick guilt flooded through him again, and he lifted his feet onto the seat, wrapping his arms around his knees and wishing he could disappear, be nothing.

No, you don’t, Darwin said briskly. I’ve done that, and it’s better to be here.

Charles tried to control his breathing, tried to hold back his selfish tears, because Darwin was dead (was he?), and Charles had no right to feel like this, no right at all!

That’s not what I meant, Darwin sighed. I’m just… trying to make you feel better. But sometimes that means allowing yourself to feel worse for a little while. You don’t have to pretend that you’re OK.

Somewhere under Charles’ ribs, a leak turned into a flood. Charles sank into it, drowned in it, and yet somewhere around him he felt kind thoughts, patience and comfort. He didn’t think he’d ever felt that in his life.

***

A sharp tapping woke Charles, and he startled hard, banging his head on the car window.

“Why are you sleeping in the car?” Erik asked.

Charles opened the door and climbed out. He stood in front of Erik, his head bowed. “Uh… I didn’t mean to,” he said.

Erik stood, silent. Charles shored up his mental defences. He didn’t want to hear anything, none of what they were thinking about him. Especially Erik. As much as he deserved it, he couldn’t bear to hear Erik hate him.

“We need to leave,” Erik said at last. “Moira’s trying to clear things with the CIA, but there’s a lot of ill-will towards us.” He cleared his throat and shifted on his feet. “Ah… we need to… Moira suggested it would be best if they didn’t remember us.”

Charles blinked up at him. “Oh… yes, of course. I’m…” He swallowed down his immediate question – how could they possibly trust him? With any of this? Why weren’t they hounding him out of there? “Umm… yes, lead on.”

Erik nodded and turned, sharp and jerky. Charles followed, hoping that somehow he could make up for what he’d done.

See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? Darwin said.

“If you say so,” Charles murmured.

Are you going to be able to do what they want? Take everyone’s memories away? You’ve got a hell of a headache brewing up here.

Charles would cope. He would cope with a lot worse than some piddling migraine if only to win back a modicum of the trust he’d betrayed.

***

“They need somewhere to go,” Moira said afterwards, brisk and practical, and if Erik hadn’t dived into his life in a blaze of fire and passion and fury, Charles thought he could have loved her. “We can’t stay here, but a lot of these kids have nowhere else to go.”

Charles would have checked it with Raven. He wanted to check a lot of things with his sister, but she was staying well away from him. He couldn’t blame her. “I have somewhere we can stay,” he said softly. “If nobody… if that’s OK?”

Moira looked at him, met his gaze, and nodded. “Thanks, Charles. Don’t tell me where it is – plausible deniability and all that.”

She turned to go, and Charles clenched his fists. “Moira, wait.”

She stopped at the door. “It’s OK, Charles. Really. I understand.”

He hung his head and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around his chest as she walked out.

You know you have to tell them about me, Darwin said.

Charles swallowed hard. “How do I tell them? They can’t possibly believe me - I wouldn’t believe me. They’ll think I’m lying just to be able to stay around them!”

Darwin shot him a buzzing sensation, a bit like a pinch. You’re making an awful lot of assumptions. How about you give them a chance?

“I should give them a chance to get away from me,” he muttered, but he knew Darwin was right. It wouldn’t be fair on any of them to grieve Darwin when he knew he was still here.

They were gathered in the parking lot, every one of them with bowed heads. Alex was holding a hat, just a battered up old flatcap, and the way he was clutching it, Charles knew it must have belonged to Darwin.

He cleared his throat as he came closer, glancing up for just a moment, then ducking his head again. “I, uh… have something to tell you all,” he said. He could barely raise his voice above a whisper. “When Darwin was…” He trailed off. “Umm… his consciousness seems to have… latched on to me.”

There was silence for a long moment. It was Hank who broke it. “Well, he did say he could adapt to anything.”

The group seemed to let out a long breath. “What does this mean?” Sean asked. “Is he stuck there? Are you just gonna be, like, two people forever?”

I think my body will start reforming soon enough, Darwin said, sounding so ridiculously casual about it all.

“He thinks he’ll get his body back,” Charles said. “It has to reform, so it may take some time. I just… I wanted you all to know.”

“I bet we could speed it up,” Hank said, grabbing the hat from Alex’s hands. “I know a guy, McCulloch – he’s been doing some incredible work with stem cell research. If we can get Darwin’s DNA, we might be able to give his body a head start.”

Alex looked up at Hank, and then at Charles, his eyes red-rimmed and desperate. “Is he really safe?” he asked Charles.

Charles nodded. “As safe as he can be,” he admitted.

Alex let out a long breath, and the slightest hint of a smile formed on the corners of his lips. “Wow. That’s… yeah, OK. Wow.”

Hank put the hat in a bag that Moira handed him, and rushed up to Charles to tell him all he knew about this new technology in Ontario, and how if they could get an egg cell, perhaps they could replace its nucleus with that of a cell found in a piece of Darwin’s hair, or something. Charles smiled up at him, relieved beyond belief that at least one of his friends had overcome their fear of him. The power of science.

Even so, the drive to Westchester was awkward at best. Charles was still determinedly keeping his telepathy clamped tight, but he could still hear some of the awe that leaked through when Charles led them up to the mansion, his head bowed under the weight of his own childhood memories.

At least here there would be plenty of space to hide. That had always been the one advantage of this cold, heartless place.

***

I wonder if it is actually possible for me to die

, Darwin said casually as they watched Hank set up the pioneer samples of human cloning.

It’s something I’ve wondered for a while.

“I suppose you’d even adapt to ageing,” Charles murmured, his eyes fixed on the petri dish. Hank glanced at him strangely, but left him to it, as most people did since… everything.

The dynamic of the group had changed in subtle ways. Angel was gone, whipped away along with the other mutant by Shaw’s teleporter. Moira had gone back to the CIA. Alex followed Hank constantly, demanding information about the procedure, asking for the chances of success, fetching and carrying for him and trying to predict Hank’s needs so he could bring Darwin back that little bit sooner.

Look at him, Darwin sighed in Charles’ mind. He’s looking fine today. Someone should really tell him.

I’m not flirting with your boyfriend for you, Charles replied firmly. You’ll just have to wait and do it yourself.

Charles slipped out of the lab and through the corridors, a ghost in his own house again. It was a role he’d worn smooth over his entire childhood, easy to return to. Raven seemed to have done much the same – Charles had barely seen her over the last few days.

It was Erik who’d taken on Charles’ old role. Erik chivvied the children to dinner, encouraged Hank out of the lab, suggested they start to train their mutations, learn their limits and stretch them. He was gruff and reluctant, where Charles had been eager, but he was a natural leader. It was mere days before everyone looked for Erik when they needed something.

Charles wasn’t sure whether to be glad, or desperately sorry. He’d stolen Erik’s purpose away from him when he killed Shaw, and he could feel how lost Erik was some days – even with his telepathy bound tightly around him. At least being in charge of all these untrained mutants was giving him something to do. But it certainly can’t have been what Erik had in mind when he joined them. Had Charles trapped him in this new role, too?

***

Charles, Darwin called, and Charles woke up with a gasp.

“Darwin?”

The voice came again, from far away, and Charles realised that Darwin’s warm, comforting presence wasn’t in the back of his mind anymore.

Charles threw clothes on and raced downstairs, into the lab. “Darwin? Darwin, are you in here?”

In here! he called, and Charles pulled the door open on the incubator. There, in the petri dish, sat Darwin, only an inch tall.

So, turns out my DNA doesn’t need that many cells to get started on adapting, Darwin said cheerfully. Don’t suppose you could let me out?

Charles laughed. The muscles in his face that pulled his lips into a smile ached from disuse. He put the petri dish on the floor, lifted the lid and stepped back. Darwin started to grow – within moments he was standing in front of him with his old wicked grin, and Charles wept.

“Hey, Prof, don’t cry now, c’mon. It’s all going to be alright.”

Charles wrapped his dressing gown around him and led him into the kitchen, calling out for Alex and the others in a voice still afraid to be raised. They emerged one by one, staring at Darwin in wonder and joy, crying and hugging him, and in Alex’s case, refusing to let him go.

Charles stepped back and missed him, missed that easy affection in the back of his mind. And then instantly felt incredibly selfish. God, he disgusted himself, he truly did! He turned to slip away, and bumped straight into Erik.

“Sorry,” he murmured, hunching his shoulders.

Erik put his hand up to balance Charles. They stood awkwardly close for a moment, not looking at each other properly. Charles hated it, hated what he’d done to them, to their easy friendship. To the children’s innocence. He took a sharp breath and tried to slip past.

Erik tightened his grip on Charles’ arm. Charles looked up, wary, meeting someone’s eye for the first time in days. “I should…” Erik frowned. “We should talk.”

Charles slumped further, but nodded. Surely they were going to ask him to leave now? He deserved it, anyway.

They walked together out into the garden, down the wide steps and towards the balustrade. Charles leaned against it, staring out over the distant satellite dish in silence, trying to work up the courage to speak. How does one even apologise for something so huge?

“I’m sorry, Charles,” said Erik, and Charles’ head snapped up to stare at him.

“What on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

Erik hunched his shoulders, fiddling with that coin of his again. “I failed you. You gave me the chance to do what I’ve been working towards for half of my life, and I… I choked.” He swallowed. “You must think I’m such a coward.”

Charles grabbed his hand. “I don’t, God, Erik, how could I think that of you?”

Erik frowned. “I had Shaw right in front of me and I still couldn’t do it. You had to do it for me.” He looked up at Charles, meeting his gaze with deep, sad eyes. “I never wanted you to be in that position – it was my dirty work to do, I wanted to keep you out of it. All of you, and now…”

“I thought you must hate me,” Charles blurted. He let out a long breath. “I keep preaching this… pacifism, and then I went and used my telepathy in the most horrific way. I invaded all your minds, I hurt you, I terrified the children and then I… I went and killed him. In front of everyone, I just… I killed him.”

Charles started trembling, the shock of what he’d done washing over him once again, only this time, he was alone in his mind. There was no-one to comfort him, no-one to pull him back from the horror – but then Erik’s arms were around him, and he was so warm, his mind blanketing Charles’, even as he sobbed so hard he could barely stand up on his own.

Erik’s fingers stroked through Charles’ hair as he cried, hushing gently. He didn’t try to say anything, just stayed, comforted him in a way Charles had thought couldn’t possibly be real, patient and compassionate and protective.

“I’m sorry,” Charles whispered at last.

“No more apologies,” said Erik, his voice almost as rough as Charles’. “And no more hiding yourself away when the children need you, either. Your sister needs you.”

“I didn’t think they’d want me anywhere near them, not after they had to see that.”

Erik held his face, tilted it back so he looked up at him. “You did it to protect them, they all know that.”

“And I hurt them in the process – I had no control,” he reminded him.

“Then learn control,” Erik shrugged. “Or rather, learn to embrace that rage, direct it and use it. Don’t pretend it doesn’t exist.”

Charles sighed and nodded, leaning against Erik’s chest. He wondered how long Erik would allow him to stay this close. When he’d push him away, clingy, needy Charles.

“Never,” said Erik fiercely.

Charles’ head snapped up. “Oh, God, I was projecting, I’m so sorry, Erik, I just—”

“Stop assuming I want to push you away,” Erik said, wrapping his arms around him.

Charles relaxed once more, his body softening in increments as he leaned into Erik’s embrace, resting his face against Erik’s chest. Erik pressed his lips to the top of Charles’ head. The world turned on its axis, and the sun would rise again.

“You were right about him,” Charles whispered after a long time. He gathered his courage and pressed closer, craving that contact.

Erik didn’t push him back. Instead, he pulled him closer and ran his fingers down Charles’ spine. Charles felt like he was feeling the sun for the first time in his life. “What do you mean?” Erik murmured.

“I thought we could stop Shaw peacefully. Put him in prison, make him answer for his crimes, but… I saw him, all of him. There was no part of him that could feel any remorse for what he’d done.”

Erik sighed, cupping Charles’ head in one large hand. “I’m just so sorry you had to do something so against your morals. It was my dirty work and I… I failed you.”

Charles pulled back and held his face between both hands. “No – Erik, not at all. You took on this burden, but it should never have been yours. I don’t…” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I don’t regret killing him,” he admitted. “I regret hurting you all, I regret losing control like that, but… I think it was the only thing that could have been done.”

Erik shook his head. “I never wanted you to be exposed to it. I’m already broken, I was prepared to kill him.”

Charles felt something settle inside his chest, a serenity like moonlight on the great ocean of rage he’d been suppressing all his life. “Shaw didn’t deserve that from you,” he said softly. “He’d already taken so much from you. Why should he have that as well?”

Erik held his gaze and pressed Charles fingers up to his temple.

“Are you sure?” Charles whispered.

Erik nodded, and Charles’ powers fell into his beautiful mind with a gasp like he’d found his way home. A swirling, wordless maelstrom of grief and vulnerability and hope, of possibility, of a need to protect Charles, and a desire to be able to rely on Charles, equals at last. And under it all, a great pool of rage, and a warm serenity, and two men at the balance point, holding each other.

#Lyn's Writing #cherik #bookends of the same soul #Dark Charles #Charles goes a bit dark #angst #darwin lives!#darwin solves everything #poor erik #poor charles #everyone needs a hug

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laurmanitrash · 6 years ago

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My Normani M&G Experience

This is kinda long so just scroll past if you don’t care.

So I went to the MN show, and as some of you may know, I was a little iffy about doing m&g by myself. I ended up deciding to just go for it, bc like, it’s NORMANI. How could I say no? Anyways, I did all of my check-in and stuff when I got to the venue. Then I went to the show and watched her set (she did fucking amazing but what else did we expect? Checklist is a force to be reckoned with) After she finished with Love Lies I booked it to the spot where we were supposed to meet with all the other VIPs. Then her security guards took us all down the elevator to the room we would be meeting her in. I ended up being first in line, and my heart was pounding. I thought I was going to faint (I’ve been a fan of hers since X factor and this was my first time EVER seeing her in concert and in person, so it was pretty nerve wracking with all my expectations and whatnot). While I was waiting in line, I conversed with one of her security guards. She was super nice and was telling me about their little adventures that they had here in MN the day before. Then, the elevator opens and out comes fucking Blair, Big Rob, and Mani. I was STARSTRUCK 😳 She walked past us and literally looked at me the entire time and was like “omg hi!” and waved all cute and giggly. Then her security guard directed me into the room where Mani was waiting for me and honestly, I don’t even know how I remember any of this bc in the moment I swear I was dreaming. Normani came up to me and hugged me and was like “Hiiiiii thank you so much for coming! Did you like the show?!” And I just nodded and smiled like an idiot bc HOLY SHIT is she gorgeous and her voice is so sultry and sexy and cute and agghhhhhh. Like pictures/videos do her no justice. She is seriously 1000x more beautiful in person, not even kidding. It left me speechless😍😭 (Also, she’s like really short in person, I was a good 2-3 inches taller than her haha) Anyways, after a couple seconds of me nodding like a stupid person, she goes “You are sooo beautiful, I love your hair!” (I’m a cute, long haired,curly headed African American mixed with Italian if you would like to picture me. Literally Armani’s love child 💁🏽‍♀️👼🏽). That’s when I finally found my voice and I was like “thank you! You look absolutely gorgeous” to which she thanked me. She grabbed my hands in hers (they’re softer than angel hair) and that’s when I told her all the sappy “thank you for being such an amazing role model these last 7 years, it’s so great being able to look up to someone who looks like me. You’re my queen” and she looked like she was gonna tear up. Then she was all like “you’ve been a fan for that long?! And this is only your first time seeing me?! I don’t believe you!” And I just blushed bc she had a point lmao. Then Blair asked if we were ready for our picture, so we started to get into our pose. I looked down at our feet and complimented her shoes (she was wearing her air forces) and then she was like “Girl I like yours better! Which ones are they? I want them” (If y’all see her wearing the newest Nike Air Force 1 Utility Lows then just know that was all me 😤). Then we took our pictures looking like a couple of bad bitches 💅🏽(I touched her skin! #thankyouforcroptops). After that she gave me the BIGGEST hug, like the best hug I’ve ever gotten in my entire life. And she said “goodbye my love, I’ll see you later!” She seriously hugged me for like 10 seconds. And she smelled SO good. Then I walked away, got my signed poster, and that was that. Truly one of the best experiences EVER and I high key recommend meeting her if you’re ever presented with the opportunity. She is so gorgeous, inside and out. I miss her already. I’ll never forget it. I love her with all my heart. 🥺

P.S. I made it back in time for Ari’s set with like 10 min to spare after waiting in line for merch for like 20 min. If y’all have any questions about the whole experience, feel free to ask me :)

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rileyrooin · 6 years ago

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R&L Live: Detroit

This jumps around and I discussed the show a bit more than in other recaps because there are moments from it that I want to remember. I recognize that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to attend shows and afford VIP tickets. If you aren't interested in reading, or if you want to send me nasty messages about this, I encourage you to just scroll on by instead. As always, please do not repost my pictures without permission.

I attended this show with Mr. Rooin, and two of my friends, R (my BFF) and B. R and B (heh) are both GMM fans. It would be the first time either of them has seen the guys live.

The Show

Britton opened the show. The crowd in Detroit loved him and he really fed off its energy. During the merch song, he started giggling mid-song because we were all laughing about the lyrics; his giggles made the crowd laugh more and he had to stop playing for a minute to compose himself. It was very cute. I cannot wait for him to put out an album. There are several of his songs that have been stuck in my head since the show.

After a brief intermission, Rhett and Link came out on stage. I expected to have a good view since our seats were in the front row, but I guess I didn’t really think about just how close they would both be to me (but especially Rhett). But, suddenly, there he was right in front of me.

As they settled in to begin the show, Rhett scanned the crowd, taking it all in. His eyes briefly met mine when he did so, but he continued to scan and then, unexpectedly, his attention came back to my face. My poor heart just about leaped out of my chest when he shot a small smile at me. I thought I must be imagining it, but once he broke eye contact, R elbowed me and whispered, “Did Rhett just recognize you?” I shrugged and tried to concentrate on their opening banter about the meaning of the name Detroit.

I'm going to share some highlights because no one needs a play-by-play of every moment of the concert:

Tokyo came early that night. Of course, even after Rhett told the crowd that he would do it one time only, there were people who thought they would be cute and continue to shout it and other garbled nonsense (including someone pretending to be CCR). This led to sassy, sarcastic Link making fun of people shouting stuff. Rhett got a bit grumpy at one point and gave the crowd a stern dad expression. I didn't capture either of these moments on camera, but they were hilariously in character.

The setlist was basically the same as the Columbus show, but with fewer songs. We didn't get “Water Dispensing Tab” or any of the other songs they've been subbing in for it in other shows. I feel like something else was removed, but I'm not sure what. I love all of their new songs. I wish they'd release them so people who can't attend the shows could hear them, as well.

At the venue, on either side of the stage, stand two huge knights set into niches in the wall. One of the running themes of that night's banter was Rhett wanting the knights to come to life. He had an elaborate ritual he wanted the room to perform to bring the knights to life that included hissing like a cat, other strange noises, and some voguing. When that didn't work, they moved on, but came back to the topic several times throughout the show. My favorite one was before “Middle School Girlfriend.” Rhett suggested that perhaps if Link played all three of his recorders at once, the knights would come to life. Much like the escaping a simulation handholding from Ear Biscuits, Link was game to give it a try. So, Rhett offered to hold his third recorder for him. The moment was funny, but I was focused on the extreme softness in Rhett’s eyes as he helped Link. The photos don’t begin to do it justice.

After the recorders failed to bring the knights to life, Link tried to steer the conversation back to “Middle School Girlfriend” banter by saying, “This is not unlike what my first kiss looked like.” Rhett was seemingly disinterested in returning to his stool/mic, so he leaned forward to speak into Link’s. Link pushed him away and said, “Get… Get your face outta my mic!”

Throughout the entire show, I kept having to tell myself to stop staring at him. My attempts at having some level of chill were continuously destroyed by Mr. I'm Going to Make Eye Contact Unexpectedly throughout the concert. It sounds foolish, but even though I was in a venue with so many other people, there were moments where watching him play the piano and guitar from that close felt incredibly intimate. But, maybe that's just my crush talking.

The rap section of the show was highly entertaining yet again. Their enthusiasm and excitement during it is so much fun to watch.

During “It's My Belly Button,” he was so close: that cute belly on display right in front of me as he dad danced his heart out.

During one chorus, when he got to the “something I want to show to you" line, he pointed at me. R grabbed my arm and hissed, “Dude, he fucking loves you.” (n.b. This all sounds like wishful thinking from a ridiculous fangirl, but I swear it's true. I harbor no delusions that there was some secret message in his actions. I know it meant nothing; he was simply playing up the moment for a reaction. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the attention, though.)

Meet and Greet

After the show, we were quickly ushered into a long line that wrapped down the side and around the back of the theater. I used the opportunity to run to the bathroom to freshen up the best I could. My group and I hung out in the line while I proceeded to try to calm my anxiety about talking to them again. One of the things that helped me with this was the soothing sound of Rhett's laughter echoing in the large space. Another thing that helped was watching how amazing they are with all of the fans they meet. From kneeling down to meet children to really focusing their attention on each person they chatted with, it's clear that every interaction is important to them. I know I've said it before, but we love some seriously great guys, y'all.

Prior to the show, I’d talked to Mr. Rooin about how I really wanted to have a nice picture of me hugging Rhett. Ever the patient and understanding one, he offered to hang back while R and I talked to the guys so he could attempt to get that picture on his phone (since Gary would have mine). (Spoiler: he got the picture and it might be my current phone lock screen.)

The line moved quickly (the meet and greet time goes by so fast), so it wasn’t long until it was our turn. R went ahead of me and introduced herself to Link, shaking his hand as she did so. As R moved on to shake Rhett's hand, Link's attention shifted to me over her shoulder. I smiled at him, once again blown away by how blue and intense his eyes are in person. I opened my mouth to introduce myself, but before I could, he welcomed me into a hug and said, “Good to see you again.” He patted my back like the last time, but held the hug for a couple seconds. “How've you been?”

“Good. Better now, though,” I answered as we broke apart. He grinned at me and I felt my heart melt a little bit. And then I turned to my left and into the open arms of the bearded one. He patted my back twice and I squeezed him tightly. He held the hug for a moment, holding me against him, and I probably clung onto the hug for a few seconds longer than I should have. I couldn’t help it; his hugs feel so damn good.

As I stepped back, I realized Link was talking to me again. “It's been awhile.”

“Well, only since April.” In my mind, I was thinking: Why am I getting sassy with Link?

Rhett said something in reply that made my whole face flush and caused my brain to shut down. I looked to Link for rescue. He simply laughed at my reaction, so I laughed with him while my mind was chanting wtf wtf wtf.

Then, Rhett said, “Okay, step up here for the picture. Where do you two want to be?” R, who is the extrovert between us, had fallen totally speechless in their presence. She's a Link girl, so even though logistically she should have been on Rhett's side based on where she was standing when he asked the question, I slid between them so she would be next to Link. (And, yes, so I could be next to Rhett.) As I put my arm around Rhett's waist, I glanced up at him and he was smirking away. I'm sure my crush is terribly obvious to him, but… meh, what are you gonna do? Gary took the picture while I tried to take in the moment and how it felt to have his body pressed so close to mine with his hand on my shoulder. After that R did a solo picture with the guys. She finally found her voice to ask for hugs before she left and they obliged.

I did an individual photo with them and then, my meet and greet time was nearly done. I handed Rhett the letter I'd written them and stammered out an explanation about how I hoped they would read it later. He smiled kindly and then passed it back to me to give to Jenna. I hung around watching while B and Mr. Rooin met them. Finally, we got our posters/bags from Jenna, Lily, and Lincoln. I talked to Britton for a minute before we made our way out and took a picture with him this time. I almost made it out of the theater before I teared up. Almost.

I feel very fortunate and grateful that their shows have been in locations close to me. Years ago, when I discovered these two and became a fan, I never expected that I would have the opportunity to meet them once, let alone three times. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be someone they would recognize on sight. I heard them say similar things to other fans who they'd met before. It's comforting to know that even though there are millions of fans out there, they see us.

#riley's ramblings #meet and greet #smitten kitten #i love two (2) men #i am a walking awkward situation #rhett and link live #randl live detroit

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taenys · 5 years ago

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🌙 tiffany’s magnetic moon tour fanaccount🌙

So, we got to the venue at around 1pm but only did a little drive-by to see if there was anyone already in line. There was no one, and my sister and I didn’t really want to be the ones to “start” the line, for fear of being kicked out by the venue staff. We instead just walked to a nearby café to have lunch and wait to see if more people showed up.

After a couple of hours, we walked to the venue again and there was still no one there, so we walked around the block again, and when we got back to the venue there were 3 people “in line”/waiting around by the entryway, so we decided to just wait with them. This made me 4th in line for the entire event. This guaranteed that I was going to be not only at the front row, but also in the center. At this point it was 3pm, and the VIP meet and greet thing was supposed to start at around 5:45 so it felt like a good time to be in line.

We stood in line, cold and nervous, but mostly just excited. I had replayed in my head over and over what I was going to say to her when I met her, but nothing sounded quite right. I’d seen from other people on twitter that they’d gotten hugs from her, and had time to say quite a few things, so I prepared myself for a similar experience. At around 6:20 (much later than the scheduled time for the VIP entry) staff finally called the VIPs and we all went through security. It was finally time to meet Tiffany herself

I gave the letter I wrote to her to her staff to give later. We were told meetings had to be done in groups of 5 or 6, so my sister, mom and I were in a group with the 3 people in line in front of us. When we walked in, Tiffany was seated on a bench by herself and her staff directed us to take a seat on the bench, 3 people on each side, and that they would take 2 photos and that was it.

I wasn’t really listening to anything anyone was saying though because the sight of Tiffany left me in shock. She was so tiny, and so PERFECT. How a human could have skin THAT clear and smooth, and a smile that shining…it was unbelievable. The 3 people in front of me obviously got the seats next to Tiffany, so I didn’t get to see her as closely nor did I get to directly interact with her during this VERY quick little “meet and greet.” She directed us (in her typical Manager Hwang way) on how to do the poses; first we did the “magnetic moon” pose which was just making a crescent moon by making your hand a “C” and placing it over your eye. The second pose we did finger hearts. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing the entire time.

Afterwards staff promptly directed us to leave and head for the main stage area now, but the two fangirls in our group stopped to ask Tiffany for a hug. They both got a hug and Ruby and I just awkwardly watched and walked very slowly in the direction staff was trying to get everyone to go. It was clear staff didn’t want anyone getting hugs or any special one on one time with Tiffany, it was just supposed to be a sit, get your picture taken and go sort of thing. I didn’t want to leave without telling Tiffany SOMETHING so I said “You look so beautiful Tiffany” on my way out and she looked at me and gave me that cute puppy dog look of hers where she furrows her brows (y’all know the one) and blew me a kiss with her hands in the sweetest way. My night was made with that alone. I didn’t get a hug but I was the first fan to tell her that she looked beautiful that night.

After that we all scurried to the barricade to get our spot for the show and, of course, I was front row right in the center. We considered going to buy merch before the crowd inside got bigger, but decided against it for fear of losing our spot in the pit. From then on out it was just time to wait for the show itself to begin. That moment when the lights go off and you know that means she’s about to step on stage, and the music starts up and the stage lights start swirling? Nothing will ever beat that feeling. It’s the best high there is. The curtain opened up and Tiffany stepped out. My heart literally stopped. Tiffany…was wearing…the tiniest tightest little red dress of all time. Ruby and I had discussed what she might wear for our show, since she’d been wearing something different each time so far. Never in my life did I imagine she’d decide to wear the ACTUAL SEXIEST OUTFIT OF ALL TIME for US. That TEENY TINY DRESS, hugging her curves in all the right places, paired with the black fishnet stockings and black boots, holy FUCK she came out to kill each and every one of us. My lesbian ass was DYING. No offense to anyone else who sees her at any of her other stops but, that outfit will never be topped. With her long black hair in those sultry loose waves, too? Iconic.

RFYL was her opening song, and what an opening THAT was. I remember screaming to Ruby next to me, “her SKIN????!!!!” because it was absolutely mind-blowing how smooth and flawless her skin looked? Like literal actual porcelain. And then how tiny she is in real life?????? I know her profile says she’s like 5’4 or something but she’s 5’1 MAX. She’s TINY. And sooooo thin, but so RIDICULOUSLY beautiful. I couldn’t even focus on the music initially, I was still too mesmerized by her physical presence, and how absolute IN LOVE with her I am. After RFYL she did Over My Skin which…singing that song, with those lyrics, with the sexiest choreography in THAT dress…just fuck me up Tiffany Hwang. What a win for the lesbians tonight, I swear :’) I recorded fancams of every song, and took a few little breaks to take pictures so I’ll post those after I post this.

Heartbreak Hotel was next, and I was so glad she did perform some of her older Korean songs too. God, her voice though. She’s SO good live. The notes she was hitting, those runs she was belting? Legendary. I was scream singing along with her the whole show (my voice is gone now). She kept telling us to dance and seemed to give more fanservice to fans who were singing along and dancing too, so I made sure to…well, be myself I guess. I’ve never been the kind of fan who stays seated during a concert or just goes to “listen.”

One of my favorite things to do is blast kpop and dance around the house when I’m home alone, and one of the things she said during one of her talks in the show was that she wanted to see THAT kind of energy. A judgement free zone, so even though I didn’t hear anyone behind me scream singing or feel anyone near me dancing (the dude next to me was quiet and stiff as a board the entire time), that didn’t stop me and when Tiffany looked over at me (which she did A LOT), she’d get that BIG smile on her face, with her signature eye smile, and I’d MELT. It made her so happy to see us having fun along with her. Seeing Tiffany have fun playing around with us, nothing feels better. We made her smile, I made her smile, and you really can’t beat that feeling.

So during the next song which was Talk, one of my all-time favorites of hers, she saw me signing my heart out at her and knelt down to sing to me and we just had this sweet perfect little moment where we were singing to each other and I just????? I have no words. Love. All I felt was love. Pure and simple. That’s my love up there, signing her heart out and I’m so proud of her. I’ll gif that moment but I swear, it was the most intimate and significant moment of my life. And it had to happen during my favorite song of course :’) I’m going to cry every time I listen to Talk now :’( She looked at me an absurd amount of times during the show; I can’t even count them all. But she came and sang to me again during Runaway, and it was again…INCREDIBLY intimate and sweet and magical and felt so special. I’ll probably notice even more little eye contact moments from here when I go through all my fancams, but for now those were the two most significant moments.

My overall feeling now after replaying it all is…Tiffany is unquestionably one of the greatest artists of our generation. More than just her being one of the best vocalists (that husky soulful voice of hers remains unmatched), she’s pushed herself in so many ways and it’s been so amazing to witness? She was teased about being an “awkward” dancer, so she came out with “I Just Wanna Dance” and proved everyone that she could be a fucking great dancer. She’s a perfectionist, she’s her own worst critic, but she’s never given up. God, I fucking admire the fuck out of her for that. She’s never stopped; she’s never given up, she’s kept her head up, kept smiling through all the bullshit she’s gone through because at the end of the day singing and performing is her entire life.

I’ve never seen anyone as passionate about singing and performing as she is. When she’s on stage you KNOW that this is the whole reason she was put on this earth. There was never any other option for her, and that’s why she left home at 15 and moved to Korea, without the support of her family, not knowing anyone and not speaking fluent Korean. She went with the fiercest determination, the biggest dream, and an unstoppable spirit. She was going to sing, that was all that mattered to her. Training day and night, being under the nightmare of the Korean music industry, she was willing to tough it all out just for a chance to be on that stage, to share her voice, and eventually to share her own original music for people.

And now she’s 30, doing her first NA tour. Baby Hwang Miyoung’s dream of inspiring the lives of millions has long since come true. The collective feeling of warmth and comfort we all felt when she sang The Flower was so serene and so breathtaking. Some of her songs make you feel like you’re being held in a comforting embrace. Others make you feel like you can conquer the world, some make you feel stronger than you are, and some make you feel the butterflies of a first love. I can’t wait to see what else she comes up with in the years to come, and I can’t wait for the next fucking tour!!!!!!

And, to quote something I wrote about her over 5 years ago that holds truer now than ever, “Tiffany is an actual angel that came down from above to spread love and warmth and happiness and inspire us all to be the best that we can be and to never stop dreaming and fighting for what we want. basically, Tiffany is the epitome of all that is good in this world. Tiffany is a blessing to this earth. she encompasses everything good, everything positive, every good feeling, she just…she lives it. in everything that she does, she works hard, she never stops smiling, she never stops being who she is and finding a reason to keep going. she’s the most determined and the most driven and the most optimistic, and that inspires the fuck out of me. i just…i can’t believe someone as amazing as her exists in this mess of a world. she’s a reminder that there is good in this world, there is still beauty and love and laughter and light.”

That’s what Tiffany is to me.

#personal #I’m listening to Magnetic Moon and sobbing. That song is The Best Song of All Time probably.#tiffany feels

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kae-karo · 6 years ago

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Hi I used to be into the phandom so much but fell out in like??? 2017??? Maybe??? Has anything big happened at all? Has anyone died/caught on fire ( ;) )??

oh dear god where do i begin??? well fortunately both our lads are still alive. let me just start with saying 2018 has been like. probably the best year for dnp to date? i’ll try to go in some kind of order here but bear with me i’ll touch on a bit of 2017 stuff and then go into 2018 for ya

so first of all i’m not sure when you left the phandom in 2017 but the lads moved out of their previous flat in april of last year (x) (april-ish it was def before they posted the vid)

also our dear lil dani snot on fire is no longer not on fire (x) so uhh is he on fire now ig? i mean yeah that’s arguably true

*insert phil’s badaladala sound bc on the scale of Significant Things i don’t think anything else massive happened*

day one of demon month, we got this amazing vid from phil wherein viewers (aka dan) picked his outfits n he looked like a snacc and a half (would’ve been 2 snaccs if he’d embraced the quiff sooner but that’s getting ahead of things) (x)

!!!! then a week or so later dan posted his vid ‘daniel and depression’ where he opened up abt his struggle with depression (x) which was imo the start of him just being more open about himself in general. he also started working with young minds (a mental health org for young people in the uk) and shortly thereafter with prince william’s program to help prevent cyberbullying

then! on the day love was invented! dnp released their board game, truth bombs (x - yeah i linked the second vid and not the first, and wot) which u can buy if you’d like but it’s a lot of fun (x)

then these idiots did a conjoined jumper baking challenge and didn’t fucking wear shirts under the jumper like what dumb gays idk (x) but it was real funny and Good Content

then early nov dnp announced the interactive introverts tour (x) and then uhhh it happened (like 80+ shows??? in a ton of countries???) (x) and they’re releasing the filming of it along with some bonus content like a director’s commentary and u can preorder it (x)

also pinof 9 happened which as a legacy phan u know is always a Thing but this year it was especially a Thing so i recommend catching up (x, and the bloops - x)

and phew okay that’s the majority of 2017 Important Events but before i go on to 2018 i’ll just recap a few important events from dapg (basically just some gamingmas stuff):

wherein dan smacked phil in the face

and phil crushed the presents but dan helped him up

where phil pretended not to remember gamingmas was happening, leading to the most iconic simultaneous heart eyes howell/love eyes lester to date

dnp singing baby it’s cold outside together whilst playing yasuhati

iconic pinof 9 moment

dnp play charades but it’s phil’s turn, and he’s touchy

the not my arms challenge!!! playing mario kart

okay! and before anyone starts yelling i know there’s more but god if i put every iconic thing in this post would break there’s Too Much so let’s hop into 2018 bc it’s gonna be a long one

first i cannot believe dan fucking gave phil a philussy cake and phil’s parents asked phil what it meant jfc dan (x)

THE EARRING!!! dan’s first selfie with the lil hoop and it never leaves and we love it (x)

phil is just trying to take a selfie and dan ruins it (x) spoiler alert: phil gets him back in colorado (x)

okay big sigh two large events happen in march: the first, dan’s ‘trying to live my truth’ vid (x) it basically dan saying ‘i’m still figuring things out but i want to be more authentic and true to myself, and also authenticity is important for some people to feel happy in life’ vid that a lot of people hyperfixated on the end line of, where he said he would go ‘laugh at a joke with a chocolate bar and...something else in my mouth’ which people assumed meant a dick and therefore it was a subtle coming out vid, dan did a liveshow afterward (x) wherein he said that wasn’t the point of the vid and people got mad at him for ‘backtracking’ (if u want more of my Opinions on this feel free to check em out - x)

the second v v big event happened at the end of march when phil posted this iconic selfie that would be the downfall of the fringe (x) this has been titled the quiffening by some

shortly after that he began styling his hair in a quiff permanently which was probably the best decision he’s made since responding to one of his obsessed fans back in 2009

quick detour dan’s proud of his hubby (x) for winning fortnite and ‘fuxkung’ is now what ‘fucking’ autocorrects to in my phone

we also had dan releasing his merch (x) which is basically all black and themed around the eclipse logo and ‘don’t talk to me’, though he just released the exist line for world mental health day which has his quote ‘have the courage to exist’. he’s also mentioned possibly wanting to do more creative things like wide-necked or asymmetrical shirts dan just do a fashion line pls oh and he mentioned in a recent ls he might do an internet support group mug sometime soon

and then,,,,,pigeonfest. we watched. five hours. of phil livestreaming their patio. and literally nothing happened bc someone was like down on the street feeding pigeons so there weren’t even any pigeons for like 90% of the liveshow. but he literally didn’t talk it was just five hours of their patio and we all watched it. we all just watched it like the whipped phannies we are (x)

and then we got a brief but overwhelming dose of,,,,,,something from the easter baking vid (x) phil was hopped up on sugar and also confidence from his quiff and probably smth else as well

everything just blows up from there we have giving the people what they want (x) where, in preparation for ii (for which the underlying theme was ‘giving people what they want’), dnp reacted to pinof 1, swapped clothes, did the ‘yoga challenge’, recreated ditl manchester, ‘got a dog’, and made phil say fuck. honestly it shook the entire phandom to its core at the time but like. i’m less shooketh now? it’s sort of just fallen by the wayside in terms of how unpredictable dnp have been this year

then phil drops week in the life of dnp shortly thereafter which is just very very domestic even for them and their ditl style vids??? (x) phil filming dan in bed being one of the big demon highlights at the time

it’s right around this time too that insta stories start and my god it just goes jfc like i don’t even have the mental capacity to recall all the Iconic ones but i recommend checking out this playlist (x) which has all the ii tour stories goddamn there were a lot though they really put out that content didn’t they

in early may we get phil talking about why he changed his emo hair (x) and arguably the first official vid of the casual rebrand - phil’s more open and genuinely vulnerable about his fears about making a change to his hair, and i don’t think we’ve ever seen him that open before. the vids don’t stop being open though, with what dnp text each other (x) giving us coop and doop along with other iconic stories, dnp basically sitting on top of each other in that and other gaming vids on the tour bus, phil being very open abt his attraction to men (x) and the iconic final google feud vid with way too much of a specific kind of Energy (x) (ofc again there are More Vids but i don’t have the time/mental capacity to recap them all so i’m pickin the Big Ones)

monochrome mates (x)

phew okay so the tour in general as well - like if u don’t mind spoilers, i did a big ol analysis of what that was all about (x) but one of many many highlights is dan calling he and phil “best friends and soulmates”

finally finally finally after months of waiting we also get some phil merch! (x) plant and animal themed, and he even released a lion plushie which sold out like instantly and he claimed he’d do more of but we have yet to see that. he says he’s got more ideas for other merch as well

now okay fast forward to october after the tour’s over bc i think the insta stories and the analysis cover it but then. then. then we get the pizza mukbang (x) thirty three minutes of dnp being more open and honest and casual than literally they’ve ever been on camera maybe ever, and i’m including liveshows in this statement. no holds barred, authentic vulnerable dnp. a religious experience

end of october spooky week hits us and i think the key vid to call out here is the creepy mind of phil lester bc i think it was another open honest authentic vid (x) where they talked a lot, casual domestic w.e got some insight into phil’s mind it was v good

and then they carve pumpkins jfc which was an experience (x) there were a lot of innuendos but also one of the first years they didn’t do a halloween baking in a while (though they have hinted at possibly doing christmas baking) idk i’m fully overwhelmed at this point lmao like a Lot happened this year

phew okay and Then just yesterday philly dropped his vid on why he went to (the) hospital (x) idk soz that’s a british thing i think like we say ‘the’ anyway. which i’ve been talking abt quite a lot lately but it was another very open and honest vid in which he expressed a lot of vulnerability and fear and perceived flaws and it was just a quality like. open vid.

jfc okay hope that helps obviously there’s a lot i didn’t mention, but this should at least get you caught up on some of the big stuff!! and while i’m at it have a few more Important Gifs from this year

a very important moment of communication whilst on tour, deciding whether or not they’re okay with doing a ‘third wheel’ pose

dan flinging himself off the chair in anger whilst playing getting over it

nose boop from phil’s instagram explore pages vid

subsequent nose boop from the extreme tetris vid

and a cheek boop from the overcooked 2 vid

dan pulling phil’s hand off the mouse in fear during spooky week, swamp simulator (shrek slender)

touchy!dan during pizza mukbang

oh god. okay. again, this is not everything, just a big list of some big events over the past year-ish. i’m sure i’ve missed some important stuff but i think i covered most of it! hope this helps ya get caught up dear!

#dnp #so dan and phil in 2018 eh #what's that about #phan #dip and pip #kt #anon #ask

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emoselenas · 5 years ago

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woodland creatures tour - day 7 (greensboro)

normally i feel very weird about sleeping over people’s houses, just in general??? you know what i mean? sometimes you just can’t get comfortable because you’re not in your own bed, not because of where you are or who you’re with. on tour i’m so fucking exhausted and so comfortable with living like i’m a backpacker that it’s all just normal to me. like a brat i located the couch and crawled up onto it while everyone else took an air mattress. i would have slept on an air mattress but we couldn’t fit one lmao.

i automatically woke up at like 8:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep, so i got up and started getting ready. tour has also made me skilled at being able to freshen up and do my makeup in the crevice of any house, hotel, car, you name it. i try not to make noise but inevitably everyone heard me and slowly woke up one by one. the door was unlocked so i started to pack whatever i could into the van. god, it was so beautiful out. though we were in the south, and the temperature was still pretty high day-to-day, at this moment it just felt like the most beautiful fall weather. we managed to get out of the house at 9:30 am, which we were aiming for. james’ roommate, who was leaving for work, kindly wished us well as we packed up the van to head out. we unfortunately missed james so i shot him a text.

the day before, taylor and i coordinated a group outing to the greensboro science center, which was a museum, zoo and aquarium all in one. for the price of $12 per person, since we were a group!!! incredible! before heading to greensboro, which would be our shortest drive all of tour (an hour and a half!), we hit starbucks and panera again. when we pulled up to the panera it was in a shopping plaza with people lined up waiting for like... verizon to open???? so bizarre.

i desperately needed to hunker down and get some work done before we hit the road, for the most part my phone was providing reliable wifi but i had a time sensitive task that needed to be completed. once that was done we hit the road. we arrived to the science center and once pulses. showed up, we headed in. the science center was so sick. we started our trek around the building at like 1, and penguin feeding was at 3:30. but with so much exploring to do, we knew we’d be able to kill two hours and a half easily.

we started with the zoo portion a

nd saw a lot of cool animals. they had a lot of atypical mammals you don’t always see at zoos. what they DID have was R E D P A N D A S, and theY WERE AWAKE. back at home we have the cape may zoo which is soooooo sick, i love going there, but their red pandas are always sleeping. i literally cried because the red pandas at this exhibit were so much closer, and they were romping around their lil home. the one red panda hopped off its perch and CAME TO THE WINDOW TO SAY HELLO IT JUMPED UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. i definitely made a fool of myself getting loudly emotional but i didn’t care in the slightest. my entire life was made. we also saw an owl at the barn where the petting zoo was!!!

we were all laughing so fucking hard cracking jokes at every exhibit. it felt like an adult school field trip hahaha. i was having so much fun. it was nice to enjoy something together and not be stuck in a van in a rush to get somewhere. the outdoor area tuckered us out pretty badly from being in the heat, so it was nice to get back inside to go check out the aquarium in the air-conditioned building. the aquarium was pretty sick, there was a tank that was home to the biggest octopus i have ever seen in person. i was most interested in the otters and penguins, to be honest. we also hit the touch tank which was sick, except i had to soak my entire fucking arm just to maybe get a crumb of attention from a sting ray. they were swimming everywhere but where i planted myself.

after going through the aquarium, we still had some time to kill before the penguin feeding at 3:30 pm. we hit the gift shop, where they had red panda and barn owl plushes. what a coincidence, both our tour mascots!! i’m a sucker for stuffed animals so of course i bought one. taylor bought an owl for pulses. so now we both had FRIENDS to represent our bands. we went downstairs to go check out the snakes and lizards. not as exciting for me, but still sick. we were going to hit the museum part finally, but it was 3:20 so we figured might as well head over to the penguins. it was worth the wait. there was a penguin named gojira haha

it turned out that there was enough time for us to get food together before the show. jaime found a restaurant named pastabilities, it was a sit-down but you could make your own pasta dish chipotle-style???? so i got chickpea pasta with chicken, sundried tomatoes, spinach and mushrooms. sooooooooooooooooooo good. i wasn’t going to get pasta because i was going to try to be a healthy guy but ugh what the fuck ever. i love pasta. i’m not going to rob myself of pasta opportunities!!!! we had another really wonderful meal together as a tour package. i guess because we were the biggest group and you could hear us talking loudly about tour the staff figured out we were musicians. the manager came over and started asking who played what haha.

after a delicious early dinner, we drove to our hotel for check-in so that we could drop our personal bags. pulses. followed us because they were just driving home after the show later, and waited in the parking lot until they could head to the venue. i forget the name of the hotel we stayed at but the people in there were super suspect, and projecting those vibes FOR sure. taylor said she thinks she saw a guy walking around with a burner phone as a car was slowly driving in circles around the parking lot. i’m like great, last thing we need is another scary motel. our stuff ended up being fine though, it was one of the better spots we stayed at.

pulses. awaited us at the venue and we arrived a little after load-in started. it was super quiet when we showed up, we set up quickly and waited around. the house we played, ice house, was huge. so much more massive than houses in new brunswick where students in jersey host shows, mostly. there was so much room to move around and sit, it was nice. at first it seemed like not many people were inside, but then you go outside and there’s DOZENS of kids hanging out drinking. eventually more and more people came inside to watch the bands too. glow and terms x conditions were great!

for all of us, it had been a weird afternoon, but we did our best to be positive and just rip our set(s) as best as we could. and the change in attitude paid off! both our bands received awesome crowd response from the people who attended. it was awesome to see people jamming out and genuinely having a good time. also uh a fight broke out during our set??? insane. there was a kid trying to take down everyone, like just to the ground lmao, and when he tried to do it to david he put in a chokehold. and david grabbed his arm and was just like, STOP. i made everyone stop playing until we sorted out that everything was all right. i had to play without my in-ears which sucked, in the past i have always struggled and tired myself out trying to sing loud enough over the monitors. so i just tried to listen carefully, sing carefully and trust myself. and joe said i hit some like bananas note during synapse that i haven’t been able to do since?? i remember going for it and it was fine, idk maybe it was actually BAD, but i will never know now haha.

we didn’t sell merch, nor make a lot of money, but i think what counts as a successful show is when people receive you super well. leaving a positive first impression on somebody as a band is so important to me because that person could potentially go on to listen to us for a long time. i will say though, it’s important to try to help touring bands make money if you can, like legit anything. i know we’re small guys and we’re not worth much, but we travel so far from home. and this is the ONE time of year that we actually do need money to operate. i’ve run into people who don’t believe in this, or don’t understand. i guess it won’t be possible to make those people understand until it happens to them. it’s why we can only tour on vacation time and even then we deplete our funds.

we sweat our fucking asses off playing the house because it had no AC, so nothing could feel more refreshing than loading out during a rainstorm. i wasn’t even mad that it was raining. it felt so amazing. normally i bug out during crazy storms, but the thunderstorm was lighting up the sky in an incredible display. it continued as we said our goodbyes to pulses. before they headed back to virginia late, and we made our way to sheetz for post-gig eats. i wasn’t going to pig out but i was feeling the munchies. sheetz doesn’t really have anything wawa doesn’t have except for the tacos, so i got some hard shell tacos that were absolutely banging. also wonderful, they had my favorite flavor of bon & viv (black cherry rosemary) so i grabbed that too. eating tacos and drinking late was NOT a smart move the night before we played our last show on tour, but boy did it feel like a nice TREAT after playing a fantastic show.

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