#i’ve never really been a fan of taylor but oh my god. he is so precious.

[laurrelise]

me when i’m deadass about to slip back into my deadly josh hutcherson hyperfixation after seeing that he was giving out and trading bracelets at a an eras tour concert

[torturedcoveydepartment]

I’ve noticed you’re a fan of both Taylor Swift and tbosas, so what songs do you think radiate Lucy Gray Baird vibes?

IS THIS REALLY THE REPUTATION I HAVE ON HERE? LOVE IT. I have a burning passion for both of these!! This will by all means become a fangirling moment of mine, but that’s the thrill ain’t it? No but really. Here’s my list of songs that could have been written by Ms Lucy Gray Baird, originally from the musical genius and cat lady Taylor Alison Swift <3

Should’ve said no is definitely a song that she would’ve written as discovering that Billy Taupe went behind her back, messed up badly and became a total asshole.

“It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing. The smiles, the flowers. Everything gone // You shouldn’t be begging for forgiveness at my feet. You should’ve said no, baby and you might still have me”

Mean walks the same path. I’d like to imagine her singing it wherever she went after Coriolanus went crazy, whether that’s up north or in the afterlife. Also something after Billy Taupe’s fuckery.

“I bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold. But the cycle ends right now cause you can’t lead me down that road and you don’t know what you don’t know // Some day I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean”

Never grow up fits as something the covey would cook together about Maude Ivory and Clerk Carmine. Potentially also about Lucy Gray. Though I feel like she could have written it about her younger cousins - especially after the games, wishing they’ll never have to go through the capitol’s sick entertainment game.

“Your little eyelids flutter cause you’re dreaming. So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite nightlight. To you everything is funny, you have nothing to regret // Don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple”

Haunted feels like a Lucy Gray written song right after witnessing Coriolanus shooting Mayfair. Especially something she came up with after he lied to her about “his old self”. We know the covey claims Lucy Gray to be the poet in their family, so she could easily have came up with it even in the moments of doubt and fear.

“You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time, but I never thought I’d live to see it break. It’s getting dark and it’s all so quiet and I can’t trust anything now. And it’s coming over you like it’s all a big mistake // Something made your eyes go cold”

Sad beautiful tragic makes me think of Lucy Gray right before the games as she gets to the point where maybe? just maybe she’s falling for Coriolanus.

“I meet you in warm conversations. We both wake in lonely beds. In different cities and time. Is taking its sweet time erasing you, and you’ve got your demons and darlin’ they all look like me. Cause we had, a beautiful magic love there. What a sad, beautiful tragic love affair”

Before the reaping a part of her still missed Billy, so Better man could possibly fit into those mixed feelings of disappointment, longing, grief and aggression.

“Sometimes in the middle of the night I can feel you again. And I just miss you and I just wish you were a better man”

I bet you think about me as she watched Coriolanus continuing torturing and kill children because of a relationship that ended on bad feet.

“I bet you think about me, in your organic shoes and your million dollar couch. I bet you think about me when they say oh my god she’s insane, she wrote a song about me”

Bad blood. Utter disappointment and anger. When Coriolanus “chased” her down the woods.

“Cause baby now we got bad blood. You know it used to be mad love. So take a look what you’ve done. Cause baby now we got bad blood. Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted”

Look what you made me do gives me vague vibes of hate towards Coral and her pack. Trying to poison them (succeeding with one of em!! Too bad Dill died)

“I don’t like your little games. Don’t like your tilted stage // I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red underlined // I don’t trust nobody and nobody trust me. I’ll be the actress staring in your bad dreams”

MY TEARS RICOCHET. UGH MY ALL TIME FAV SONG. ISNT IT OBVIOUS? The bridge is SO Coriolanus and Lucy Gray coded after they fell apart. Lullabies stolen by death.

“And I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want just not home. And you can aim for my heart, go for blood. But you would still miss me in your bones. And I still talk to you, when I’m screaming at the sky. And when you can’t sleep at night - you hear my stolen lullabies”

Mad woman. No one really accepted her for who she was. Not district 12. Definitely not the capitol. In the book the hanging tree got banned to perform due to its real upbringing on unfair and cruel practices.

“No one likes a mad woman, you made her like that // I’m taking my time, taking my time cause you took everything from me. Watching you climb, watching you climb over people like me”

The lakes. OBVIOUS. AGAIN. Song she wrote during their visit at the lake, her, Coriolanus and the others of the covey. Planning on running away with him to live in the wilderness, catching their own food and never looking back.

“What should be over burrowed under my skin, in heartstopping ways of hurt. I’ve come to far to watch some namedropping sleaze tell me what are my words worth. Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die - I don’t belong, and my beloved neither do you”

There is something about Cowboy like me that gives off Lucy Gray energy, especially right before the games. Her job is practically putting on a charm and performing (not to mention she’s REAL GOOD at it. Accustomed to tricking others by feigning love, probably like coryo and her as they tried to gain affection out of one other.

“I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve, takes on to know one // You’re a cowboy like me, perched in the dark, telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear // Now you hang from my lips like the garden of babylon. With your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con”

Anti-hero, SHE’S DEFINITELY NOT ONE. But when first speaking to Coriolanus again she claims herself to be a murderer when in reality, she’s just a girl with willingness to survive. Lucy Gray is a confident and determined girl, but there’s a not a doubt her mind is playing tricks on her from time to time - especially after the games.

“It’s me. Hi! I’m the problem it’s me. At tea time everybody agrees. I stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the antihero. // Did you hear my covert narcissism. I disguise as altruism? Like I’m some kind of congressman. Tale as old as time”

Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. None of her past lovers have stayed true, besides her life never treated her fairly either. Coriolanus and the capitol really did steal her childhood, even if it was hers first.

“And now that I’ve grown, I’m scared of ghosts. Memories feel like weapons // God rest my soul. I miss who I used to be, the tomb won’t close // Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts. Give me back my girlhood it was mine first”

Carolina from where the crawdads sings is such a covey tale song!!

Safe & Sound is pretty self explanatory, ain’t it?

[chicken-delight]

 god it so fucked up that I can’t just record a audio post of me talking and post it here but my thoughts are too intense to have to think about it and then type it out so I’m just saying it into my voice text thingy on my phone.

 people who complain about Bob Dylan‘s concerts being lame don’t get Bob Dylan. I was talking about this to one of my buddies a couple weeks ago and I was saying like something something something Bob Dylan live something something something and he was like yeah but have you seen Bob Dylan live before and I was like yeah twice and it was great. I loved it and he said oh really? and I was like yeah… I know people are haters, but Bob Dylan has never promised his fans the show that they expect to see. He’s always doing the opposite of what people expect him to do. He’s never gonna play the hits. Shows for him are like the ultimate artistic expression for. It doesn’t matter if you like it. you are the one who paid to see him right. And I understand like some artists, do feel the need to give the crowd what they want because they did pay for it and that is just on a basis by basis sort of deal. I personally don’t care what their outlook on it is. They are the artist and you are the spectator. there’s a certain power dynamic in that and the artist always wins. Great art has never been made by doing what the spectator wants to see, here, experience, etc..

 yeah, maybe his voice is gone. But he’s in his fucking 80s. Like what the fuck. You’re asking too much of him. Also Rough and Rowdy Ways is one of the greatest Bob Dylan albums. The sound is great. The band he has is great. The songwriting is superb, and the voice that he has now fits perfectly with the music. He is making right now. And I think it is so fun to watch him bang on the piano and for his band to just be tight and know what they’re doing. and I love how he would come out from behind the piano after every song and pose and then go back and play another song. i saw a man comfortable with what he is doing. and thats what matters.

And now that I’m just on a roll, I feel as though people who dislike Bob Dylan have a superiority complex about it even though they think that Bob Dylan fans have a superiority complex about liking Bob Dylan. every person, at least of my generation that I’ve talk to who is into him has a very personal complicated relationship with his music. It’s not just easy listening. And yeah, Boomers just like Bob Dylan because he’s Bob Dylan sometimes and dont think about it. But I feel like anyone l who goes after a Popular artistp like this just is doing it to make themselves feel cool and different. And they said that it doesn’t make them feel: different but it does. And I understand that and I think everybody has one artist that they are like I don’t get it. I’m just on another level. Like Taylor Swift. also I don’t give a fuck. There are so many layers to this artist as there is to any artist, but especially Bob Dylan where you can’t listen to one album or one song etc. and decide you don’t like it forever and write it off. he has a different sound and he evolves just like every other artist. Leave some room for potential here like it doesn’t have to sit right with you in the moment but it’s, very juvenile to be like I don’t like his voice I don’t like the harmonica, but also like you don’t have to like him even if you do listen to all the fucking albums like it doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t matter stop thinking about it. and I know everyone was talking about whoever it was who was comparing Bruce to Bob Dylan. And I don’t even care if Bruce would think that that’s a lame opinion to think he’s better than Bob. It’s never fair to compare artists to artists,  the only arena where you can do that is, if you’re joking or if it’s a lighthearted conversation. I think the world we live in right now with social media, and Paris social relationships has sort of stripped away the sacredness of the art someone makes, and then decides to put out into the world. it’s so deeply entangled with their being even if it’s a silly song or even if it’s not autobiographical. Art comes from the deepest part of your soul. You wouldn’t want to compare souls. Anyways. This took up my entire 30 minute lunch break. I have to pee.

[abiiors]

okay so while we’re on the topic… i’m a newer fan of the boys, i actually got tickets to one of their concerts back in october when they were touring in america from my aunt even though i had never really been a fan of them (her heart was in the right place 😭😭 bc i do listen to a lot of music that’s like in their sphere ig?? and i’ve been to festivals that they’ve performed at so i can see why she would’ve thought to get me those tickets, i just never really listened to their music before) but i went to the show regardless bc hello free concert tickets?? would have been a sin to let them go to waste tbh and oh my god am i so glad i did, it was actually one of the best shows i’ve ever been too!! especially considering i only really knew their popular songs?? like robbers, somebody else, aaaand it’s not living if it’s not with you

ANYWAYS that being said, since i had never really followed them before i always pretty much ignored anything i saw about them on twitter and stuff, mainly the negative things said abt matty bc not my faves, not my business?? but i gotta ask someone who’s been a fan of them for a lot longer than i have, what iiiis the deal with all the “matty healy racist” “matty healy homophobic” “matty healy [insert smth hateful here]” rhetoric??? bc from what i’ve seen of him after getting to know more abt the band he doesn’t appear that way at all?? like were there things he said that were taken out of context??? what’s up with the nazi accusations??? also homophobic??? is twt not aware of what he did in malaysia?? also straight men that are homophobic would never have the kind of close male friendships that the band have with one another… it seems like he’s twitter’s scapegoat tbh but idk i’m simply so confused and anything i find online trying to explain it all seems very biased based off the language they use so if you can/would like to… pls help 😭

okay first of all, welcome to the fandom!! i'm so glad you're here and i'm so glad you got to see them live!! they genuinely are so so incredible <33

now onto the questions!

i won't say matty's a saint. he's definitely done things in the past that are disappointing (to me at least, as well as to many others on here). last year he went on a podcast called the adam friedland show where many tasteless jokes were made about japanese people, the porn website ghetto gaggers, ice spice as well as countless other tastelss things were said.

now i really really want to clarify that matty never made those jokes but he did laugh along to them which is also a shitty fucking thing to do. he's since said that he was advised not to go on the podcast by people close to him and he still did it. however, he's also publicly apologised to ice spice and she's also said that the 1975 are one of her fav artists.

in may of 2023 he started allegedly dating taylor swift (i still don't believe it, i still think they either just made music or they just fucked or both) which exposed him to a whole new level of fame that was unprecedented. and the swifties are... rabid, to say the least. they made fun of his appearance, his past addiction issues, hoped he would have a relapse and die, all sorts of horrendous stuff. they discovered the podcast which was pretty fresh at the time and the whole thing spiralled into him being labelled a racist, homophobe, transphobe, pedophile, nazi, you name it, he was being called it.

however literally NONE of it was backed by evidence (but i don't expect people whose sole source of information is twt to realise that)

they have clearly never learned what a nazi is. i'm not even going to try to debunk that here because i feel like it would be insulting to your intelligence

he's not homophobic or transphobic, he's literally an ally to the point of being a fruity lil shit. he's been banned from 2 countries (dubai and malaysia) for openly supporting queer rights. they were also briefly jailed in malaysia for the stunt they pulled and had a lawsuit filed against them. he's even won ally of the year at the diva awards in 2019

literally every single fan who's ever met him has had nothing but amazing things to say about him. he's been incredibly kind and sweet to people

the band has always been openly political and vocal about their beliefs

you're absolutely right about him being the twitter scapegoat because unfortunately that's exactly what it is </3

i hope that clears things up tho, i'm sorry this is so long!!

[maylorscardigan]

oh my god!!! You’re back!!!! I thought I’d never see you on here again. How ARE you girl?!

but I gotta know….

what are you thinking / feeling about Taylor & Travis? Matty & Gabby?

Wow. Wasting no time I see. Haha.

I enjoyed the rest of my summer. Took a good break from social media for the most part. Started writing my first novel. Been writing some lyrics. Went on vacation. Made a career change. Normal life stuff.

As for the elephant in the room around here…

Matty & Taylor both look happy which is ultimately what any of us want. If they’re happy then great.

I have no real opinion on Travis or Gabby. I don’t know much about them.

However, I AM a Green Bay Packers fan (CHEESE HEADS!!!). So you will never see me support KC or care for their games. If Taylor is there, awesome. Social media will catch me up.

I mean… even though GB & KC only play each other like once every 4 years… it’s still a big rivalry for the two teams.

That being said - I AM a fan of Jason Kelce and I enjoy his personality. I have always watched bits and pieces of the pod cast since it started. I don’t particularly jive with Travis’ personality but he’s a Libra… it’s the same one as my sister and while I love her… our personalities are just a big nope together lol.

At the end of the day - if Gabby and Travis make them happy then cool. But I kept it neutral when she was with Joe A anyway. That’s all.

I will continue to support both of them. I’ve been down this road before. I’ve seen this film before. I’ve been a fan of his since 2012 and hers since 2006 so really, nothing changes in that regard.

[no-barbies-for-quitters]

my mom has told me many times that she would know if i wasn’t myself by asking me what my #1 taylor swift album is.

she would know it wasn’t me if i didn’t say 1989.

and it’s always been this way. i was 10 years old when it was originally released. it took over my life as the first album i ever listened to fully.

around middle school i realized there was something about me that had irreversibly melded with 1989 when reputation came out. i wasn’t the biggest fan at first, and people (bc it was middle school) decided that it would be fun to say that taylor’s music was going to be exactly like reputation forever.

you couldn’t say 1989 was your favorite anymore and as a middle school girl who, looking back on it, was probably just as mentally ill as i am now if not worse, i had the great idea to stop telling people i liked taylor swift at all. i didn’t listen to a single one of her albums from reputation through evermore all the way through and only listened to midnights once the hype had kinda calmed down.

back in june my dad realized that for someone who, as far as he knew, didn’t really like taylor swift i sure did know a lot of stuff about her and apparently decided to tell him all of it. he surprised me and sent me and my mom to denver for the eras tour. before it even started i was joking with my mom about “oh i probably won’t cry during the songs everyone else does but watch me cry through like shake it off or something”.

apparently i had been given the gift of prophecy because not only did i cry through shake it off, but also the entirety of the 1989 part of the concert.

i realize now that both of my parents probably knew why i suddenly stopped liking taylor swift in middle school, because i went to a very small school so the same people who decided that 1989 wasn’t what real taylor swift fans listened to then were the same people who decided that folklore and evermore were the greatest things under the sun and hyped up midnights so much then claimed they hated it when, at least for me, it reminded me of 1989 a little bit.

when 1989 tv was announced all i saw on all my social media was “repost this to claim being a 1989 stan before taylor’s version releases!”

i didn’t repost a single one because why should i? everyone i knew who was reposting those were the same people from middle school and high school. i don’t need to claim something that i spent way too long trying to hide from people.

today marks one of the most important days in my life. not in a way like “oh i got into college” or anything. it’s an important day for me because it’s “acceptable” to like 1989 again.

the thing is, i don’t care if it’s acceptable or whatever. i just get an excuse to be as annoying as i want about this album. i’ve never been so excited for an album to drop. i feel like i’m going to explode from excitement. and if people ask why i’m so excited about this when i clearly never cared about any of her other albums (lies. they just weren’t my favorite), i just get to say that this is my album. everyone has an album they think of as theirs. this is mine and it always has been.

this is not only the day that 1989 tv drops. it’s the day i bring back a core part of myself and live it the way i should have been able to 9 years ago.

and by that i mean i’m not going to hide it for any reason ever because god knows that wasn’t good for me.

anyways, happy 1989 tv release to all who celebrate!

[the-hushed-one]

i love taylor so much but i’ve literally been weirdly and subconsciously resenting her for the jaylor breakup…like not that i’m actually mad at her but sometimes i get frustrated and wish that they would still be together because everything would just be happier and easier. it’s selfish and childish of me but it just hurts so bad…the only way i can feel happiness again is if they get back together and i know i am projecting but this breakup has really mentally damaged me and put me in a bad psychological state like it’s just so sad i’ve been in a depressive spiral since april…long story short i want them to get back together or never have broken up in the first place because it would make mine and everyone else’s lives so much more joyful happy and easier again.

Oh my god. I feel the literally same too. I am no more excited about her songs or the tour unless it is smth related to Joe and her. I just sometimes become sad that why isn't she sad while singing so and so song. I know this is kinda toxic of me even though I obviously want her and him to he happy. And yes, anon. I hate it that I got myself so attached to them that now it is hurting so fucking much. I can completely relate to you. This breakup has had a horrible effect on me too. I don't even want to listen to taylor's reputation to midnights albums because it just reminds me of something that is no more there. I am literally putting myself in my school assignments so that I'd get distracted from this.

I always pray and manifest that I wake up one day and see swiftie fan pages flooding pictures of Joe Alwyn standing in the vip tent of Eras Tour with Andrea or Elizabeth maybe, with the caption, "Dad is back"

I mean is it too much to ask?!

If you ever wanna cry or talk, my chats are always open<3

[justagalwhowrites]

BESTIEEE?????!!!! i’m gonna need a MINUTE after THAT

“Your laughter died and your breath caught in your throat. Seeing him was like seeing a ghost. It took you a moment to understand why but then you realized it. Since November, you’d thought of the Joel you knew as though he were dead. He’d died with Sarah, back in September, 2003. He’d never made it to Boston.” this is so heartbreaking i was not expecting it 😧 also it’s very new year’s eve (by taylor) but in a really sad way bc he became a stranger whose laugh she can recognize anywhere and i just-

ok so after you broke my heart with that um so tommy that whole thing was better than what i imagine omgg the dance???? IN FRONT OF JOEL????? him calling her pretty girl?????? him walking her to her house and being all flirty and KISSING HER and then more ohmygod the smile i had in my face during their time together was so big my face hurts i love them already

OH AND THE END WITH THE PHOTO i was like GIRLLLL gOD this is gonna be so the way i loved you and i am soo here for it !!!!!!

OH and the backstreet boys bit i actually laughed so much i had to take a minute lmaoo

bestie you never miss i am so excited for the next one!! this story has definitely become one of my favorites and i genuinely enjoy every minute of it <33

this is too long im sorry lol

OMG hi bestie!

I love how you think of everything through Taylor, 10/10 the best.

And YESSSSSS! Tommy was done waiting for his brother to get his shit together, was like “I’ve been into this girl for a decade he has his shot and was fucking bound and determined to ruin it so GUESS I WILL SHOOT MY SHOT.”

So happy you noticed the BSB thing Lmfao that idea made me giggle as I was watching the show (watched with one of my best friends who was a huge fan of the game and I was just like “Imagine how nuts outbreak day would be in NYC or LA. Just Brad Pitt ripping your throat it when you ask for an autograph.”) Been dying to work it in somewhere since lol

Anyway, leave me asks however long you want, I love them! Thank you so much for reading!!! Love you!

[maciedeclines]

The Worst Songs of 2024

Well, 2024 certainly had its ups and downs. I liked a lot of music this year, but yikes there were some absolute stinkers and artists that I discovered I really do not like. But uh, get ready to hear me ramble about songs I dislike I guess.

Dishonourable mentions

Taylor Swift - Down Bad/Fortnight

Benson Boone - Beautiful Things

The Weeknd - Dancing In The Flames

The Kid LAROI - NIGHTS LIKE THIS

David Guetta & OneRepublic - I Don’t Wanna Wait

Tom Grennan - Higher

Katy Perry - WOMAN’S WORLD

#10 - us by Gracie Abrams & Taylor Swift

Oh boy, this has not been a good year for Taylor. But surprisingly this time it’s not actually her fault. Now I really am not a fan of Miss Abrams, and you’ll see this further up my list. Her songwriting is pretty decent and I want to like her songs, but my god I really do not like her vocals in any way. I don’t quite know what my issue is with them but lord they are not good here at all. Taylor actually sounds decent on it but I just can’t get over the whiny, irritating vocals from Gracie. Sorry, not a fan.

#9 - Timeless by The Weeknd & Playboi Carti

This has not been a good year for Abel either. Dancing In The Flames would’ve been my #11 on this list, however I’m keeping it to a top 10. Yeah nothing about this song is good. Abel sounds extremely checked out against some okay at best production with Playboi Carti struggling to pick which artist he wants to impersonate next as if he’s Halsey. I’m so glad Popular is a lot bigger than this song will ever be, at least that song was good.

#8 - Lovers In A Past Life by Calvin Harris & Rag n Bone Man

Yikes. What the hell happened here? I’ve never particularly been a big fan of Rag n Bone Man but Giant worked really well.. and this is the follow up? Nothing here works at all. The production, especially the drop is SO irritating and obnoxious with Rag n Bone Man’s vocals also being just outright bad here. Again, what the hell happened? Hell, I literally liked FWBV2 when most other people didn’t, but I cannot get on board with this whatsoever. I’m glad it underperformed.

#7 - The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift

I’ve been pretty vocal about my thoughts on the album of the same name, but long story short, as a big fan of Taylor this album was ridiculously underwhelming. A lot of my issues came with the songwriting, and this song is the absolute PERFECT example of it. “We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist” “like a tattooed golden retriever” ??? What is going on here? This song shrank on me fast (along with Down Bad & Fortnight - both in the dishonourable mentions list) and it might honestly be Taylor’s worst song to date. To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. Oh well, at least Florida!!! exists.

#6 - Belong Together by Mark Ambor

I do not like this new trend. Painfully boring and dull with a horrific vocal performance and cringe ass lyrics. Need I say more?

#5 - That’s So True by Gracie Abrams

Wow, and I thought her vocals were bad enough on us. This is just horrendous. She’s consistently off key throughout the entire song, against a basic backing track. It’s a shame because once again the lyrics are somewhat decent, and I think I’d have a shot at liking this if it was sung by LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE. Which is what frustrates me so much about this song. Her bridges are honestly quite good but her vocals are just… yeah I should stop otherwise we’ll be here for hours. But she didn’t even have the worst vocal performance of the year.

#4 - Thick Of It by KSI & Trippie Redd

Do I have to? Okay ignoring all the DanTDM beef, this song absolutely sucks. KSI sounds utterly horrific on it as he could rival Charli xcx with the amount of autotune he uses on his awful singing. The songwriting is, as expected, awful. Trippie Redd is somehow the “best” part of this song and yet his part still sucks. And yet it became a top ten hit in the UK. Somebody get me OUT of this country. Right now.

#3 - Slow It Down by Benson Boone

OH BROTHER. I first discovered Benson properly in 2022 with his song In The Stars which I still think is a pretty fine song. And I used to quite like Beautiful Things until Radio 1 & Capital decided to rinse it every day of the week and I now can’t stand it. Similar story with this actually, except I’ve never liked it. It just started off as a song that certainly existed, but off the bat I was secretly hoping it didn’t become a hit. But of course it did. And it soured on me in record time. Benson’s screeching is just utterly insufferable (I could’ve put Cry in this list but I listened to that song once and refused to come back to it so I suppose it’s not really fair since I still wouldn’t listen to it), with once again basic production and awful songwriting (can’t you tell there’s a theme here) and all of them add up to create this absolute mess of a song. The sooner Benson is forgotten about and goes back to releasing ballads that don’t stick around, the better.

#2 Home by Good Neighbours

Oh I really wish I could’ve put this at #1. This song is just the epitome of awful. However there is somehow a song worse than this, which we’ll find out in a moment. Regardless, genuinely why in the fuck was this a hit. Every single thing about this song is horrific. The ear-splitting vocals, the basic production that we’ve seen ten times over, the lyrics (AGAIN.) like there is fully NOTHING that redeems this song in the slightest. Thank fucking god this song never fully took off like it looked like it was going to, because I think I genuinely would’ve gone into hiding. But you want to know what’s (somehow) worse?

#1 - The Sound of Silence (CYRIL Remix) by Disturbed

Genuinely why. Why does this exist. W h y. The original Disturbed cover has always just been pretty okay/decent for me, nothing special but also not bad. This on the other hand is absolutely fucking dreadful. How the fuck do you compress the vocals to be so goddamn awful it makes me want to pour bleach in my ears and then drink it to remove me from the misery of living on a planet that this song exists on. The production is also horrific which is a whole other thing in itself, but let me talk about the vocals because genuinely what in the fuck happened here. Literally I’m so curious as to how you somehow fuck up the vocals THAT badly. I honestly think if I keep talking about this song I will actually go insane & how this became an actual proper hit will forever baffle me and simultaneously make me glad the remix was never acknowledged in the UK. In other words, fuck this remix and anyone who actually somehow enjoys this. I pray for those people.

And that was the year! Wow, it was rough huh. Here’s hoping next year is a LOT better. Please. Ideally let’s leave Gracie, Benson, KSI & CYRIL behind.

[1d1195]

omggg nooooo !!!! never let anyone make you feel insane i’ve literally dreamed abt moving up there. you’re so right i don’t think the south is for me either :// i was actually born up north but my parents moved when i was little and we’ve been here ever since i think a piece of me stayed up there tho bc ive ALWAYS loved the new england area

i used to watch gilmore girls and think “oh my god i need to live somewhere like that it would be perfect for me”

dw there’s no specific way you need to listen to it and the songs themselves are actually pretty self-explanatory but a little backstory:

taylor was dating a man named joe thru 2016-2023 and at firsttt we all thought it was sunshine and rainbows. they were vry private and we (swifties) thought that’s what she wanted !! we thought she’d found her forever !! and she thought so too :( but apparently there were comittment issues (among many other things). she wanted to take the next step, marriage & babies & whatnot. he DIDNT (there were multiple songs on lover that mentioned marriage and engagement) ((there was a song released last year with the lyric; “and i wouldn’t marry me either. a pathological people pleaser. who only wanted you to see her.”))

fast forward to the start of the eras tour breakup announcements are EVERYWHERE and she’s seen with some other guy ! oh who’s this one ? THE LEAD SINGER OF THE 1975 !!!! they went out for a few weeks and APPARENTLYYYY according to what i’ve seen all the other fans posting, HE MANAGED TO DO THE SAME AMOUNT OF DAMAGE THAT TOOK JOE 6 YEARS. HE DID THAT IN ABT A MONTH OR TWO. (they had a history together BEFORE this andddd they worked on music for midnights sooo it seems he was privy to all the inside details abt her relationship with joe and he might’ve used that to his advantage)

basically all this to say, she was going through a LOT last year and before that. so this album has ALL the feels. losing your sense of self, processing the deepest betrayals, learning to let go of something when all you want to do is hang on as tight as possible, not knowing who cares about you anymore, but eventually finding yourself at the end.

the song ‘i can do it with a broken heart’ has a lyric video on youtube and the clips are all clips for HER TOUR while she’s singing about her being miserable the whole time😭😭😭😭 BUT PUSHING THROUGH IT😭😭😭😭😭 it BROKE my heart to see that.

there’s nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with 14 year olds trustttt omg i don’t know what is in the air for these younger teens but they’re insane. and how was your vacation ?

mwah

~ 🎶

I LOVE GILMORE GIRLS I love that for you! I hope you move if that’s what you want 💕

I knew about Joe and Matty but not in detail like that. Honestly I was obsessed with the show/book Normal People and subsequently watched Conversations with Friends and I thought Joe was about as personable as a towel sitting in the rain and Taylor is way more talented and dimensional than what I saw so I can’t even imagine what happened behind the scenes. Matty seemed like too much of a bad boy tbh for her as well. I saw something about people feeling bad that they were going to The Eras Tour when she wasn’t feeling her best. It made me sad (no shade to anyone that went to the tour. She obvs wouldn’t have gone if she couldn’t do it ya know?) I’m excited to listen—waiting to have adequate time to really digest it)

My vacation was good! Relaxing and productive. A good combo. It’s gonna be a long couple of months. Trying to balance a lot of things and not go insane. Hope you’re doing well! 💕 tell me what’s going on in your life!

Xoxo

[hmslusitania]

Paint it Black

@evanbucxley @arrenemris you guys wanted petty, jealous Eddie stuck in an elevator with Taylor during the blackout, right?

Eddie Diaz has been involved in his share of awkward dinners.

This one takes the cake though. It starts with him showing up at Buck’s loft by himself, and Buck opening the door with that stupid puppy-dog confused tilt to his head that makes Eddie want to do something drastic.

“Where’s Ana?” he asks.

“We broke up,” Eddie says. “Figured it would be weird to invite her to dinner after that.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” Buck says, which yeah, Eddie knows because Eddie hadn’t told him yet. “I’m sorry, man.”

Which makes…one of them.

The night gets worse when Taylor shows up with her latest story of her investigation into – Eddie misses the details, but he’s discovered that Taylor’s voice somehow is at the exact right pitch that he can’t quite hear it most of the time. Weird how that works.

Buck, bless his fucking heart, feels none of the tension in the loft. Or if he does, he doesn’t react to it. He stays chipper and upbeat and positive and doesn’t comment when Eddie and Taylor trip over each other to help him with making dinner or pouring drinks or to sit beside him on the couch while the food cooks.

But, like, the spot on the couch beside Buck is Eddie’s spot, and if it’s not Eddie’s it’s Christopher’s.

And Eddie…loses the fight.

Taylor’s tiny, and for just half a second, he entertains the utterly absurd idea of just picking her up and moving her, but it flits out of his head almost as soon as it arrives. It’s quickly followed by an unfortunate realisation that it must be easy as anything for Buck to just pick her up and move her when – which is then immediately erased by the second-hand memory he acquired from Captain Mehta that Buck had been able to just pick Eddie up and toss him into the engine like he was a sack of potatoes – which –

He’s saved when dinner is ready, but he feels Taylor’s eyes on him the whole way through the meal.

Annoyingly, they end up leaving at the same time. Buck and Eddie have a shift in the morning, and Taylor has a story to cut before some deadline or other. Eddie would rather not walk out with her, would rather not share the elevator with her – he briefly considers legging it for the stairs but they’re at the other end of Buck’s floor and the elevator is right there and it would be absolutely blatant what he was doing – but if the alternative is knowing she’s staying the night at Buck’s, he’ll deal with the elevator.

They’re both quiet while the doors slide open, the soft whisper of the brushed stainless-steel brushing against the dust guards the only sound besides the simmering mutual animosity between them. They step into the elevator, which smells vaguely of Pinesol, and Taylor presses the button for the ground floor with a shiny lacquered red nail.

The doors close again and the shimmering, irritable silence fills the space. No elevator music in Buck’s building, which is probably for the best.

“So,” Taylor says as the world’s slowest elevator descends. “Is it personal or are you just jealous?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Eddie says. The elevator has faux wood panelling, not mirrors, so he can’t tell if she’s looking at him or if she’s staring straight ahead like he is.

“You either hate me on a personal level, because I’m me or something,” she says. “Or you hate me because you’re in love with Buck.”

Eddie gets as far as a spluttered, indignant, “I am not in love with—”

And then the elevator lurches. Stops. The lights flicker and then die. The emergency lights do not kick on.

“Well that’s comforting,” Taylor says, dry.

Eddie pulls out his phone. Usually, it’s still connected to Buck’s wifi by the elevator, and the connection’s gone. So it isn’t just the elevator.

“There’s a button in here that calls the fire department, right?” Taylor asks, pulling out her own phone and shining it at the elevator panel. She presses the button that should connect them directly to the department, and nothing happens.

“Depending on how wide the power outage is, it might have knocked out dispatch,” Eddie says.

“Great,” Taylor says. “You’re a firefighter, you can get the doors open, right?”

“With a Halligan and a fully functional shoulder?” Eddie asks. “Sure.”

She huffs. “Do you think it’s just this building or wider?”

“How would I know?” Eddie asks.

“So helpful, thank you.”

“What do you want me to do, Taylor? Use my magical powers of divination to figure out if we’re in a building-wide, block-wide, city-wide, county-wide blackout?” Eddie snaps.

He can’t see her face in the shitty half-light of their respective phone screens, but he hears her roll her eyes.

“It’s because you’re in love with him, right?” she asks.

“For fuck’s sake, Taylor, I’m not in love with—”

“Because he’s in love with you,” she interrupts as though he hasn’t spoken. Eddie’s heart stops. “It’s weird, I’ve never really had to vie for someone’s affections before. I can’t say I’m a fan, but, see, he thinks you aren’t an option.”

“He told you this?” Eddie asks and hopes to God his voice sounds normal because it does not feel like it.

Taylor snorts. “He didn’t have to. Do you guys have any idea what you’re like when you’re around each other? It’s obvious to anyone who even meets you in passing, and I know both of you and have a journalism degree. It’s not difficult math.”

“Then why are you dating him?” Eddie asks, swallowing back the lump that’s just jumped into his throat that feels suspiciously like his heart.

“Because I like him,” Taylor says. “And because I like a challenge.”

Before Eddie can say anything rude about Buck being worth more than a challenge to someone, she sighs.

“I’d say you’re going to have to fight me for him, but it’s not going to be much of a competition,” she says.

“You really think my chances are that bad?” Eddie asks and he hates how sad he sounds, even to his own ears.

Taylor doesn’t get a chance to answer before Eddie’s phone lights up with a picture of Buck and Chris together and Buck’s name in bright letters. In the sudden illumination, he sees the annoyed, resigned expression on her face.

“That answer your question?” she replies, and Eddie answers the phone.

“Hey, did you make it out or are you stuck in the elevator?” Buck asks.

“We’re stuck in the elevator,” Eddie says. “No idea what floor. Maybe three?”

“Cool, don’t go anywhere,” Buck replies and hangs up before Eddie can ask where, exactly, they might go.

An awkward silence hangs in the elevator in the wake of the phone call.

Until, finally, Taylor says, “For what it’s worth, if I had to lose to someone, at least you’re as pretty as I am.”

Eddie is still searching for some kind of response to that – coming up absolutely blank – when the elevator doors slide open. Buck, illuminated by a headlamp, waves at them and pockets his keys.

“You have an elevator key?” Taylor asks while Buck pulls her out.

“Fire marshals and captains get ’em,” Buck says. “They’re standard across production lines.”

“Fire marshals have to give them back,” Eddie points out.

“Eh, when I was a probie, we got an elevator rescue and Bobby told me to go open the doors, and so I stood there trying to pry them open for like five minutes before he walked up to the elevator panel and unlocked them with his key,” Buck says. “Chim and Hen laughed at me for about a month every time we got near an elevator. So when I did my turn as fire marshal, I may have made a copy.”

“Of course you did,” Eddie says. He rolls his eyes and is grateful for the darkness so Buck can’t see exactly how fond he must look.

Taylor catches him, though, and for a tense second, Eddie thinks she’s going to say something about it. But Taylor Kelly is a lot of things, but “quitter” isn’t one of them. It might not be a fair fight, and the outcome might be rigged in Eddie’s favour, but he understands then that she’s going to make him fight for it. Fight for Buck.

No worthier fight, really.

“We should check in, see if they want us on shift early,” Buck says, already pulling his phone out to text or call Bobby.

“And I should go investigate,” Taylor says. “I’m sure my station is missing me.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Do you want my headlamp for the stairs?”

“I’ve got it, but, thank you,” Taylor says. She stretches on her toes to kiss him goodbye – much more thoroughly than she had when they left Buck’s apartment. She arches an eyebrow at Eddie once she’s let go of Buck and Eddie narrows his eyes right back. “See you boys later.”

She flips on the flashlight on her phone and waltzes off to the stairs.

“We should tell all my neighbours to stay inside,” Buck says.

“Sounds like a plan,” Eddie says, shooting a text to his abuela and Chris to ask them to do the same. He doesn’t know yet if the blackout’s reached their neighbourhood, but it’s a better policy.

“So what did you and Taylor talk about while you were in the elevator together?” Buck asks in between knocking on his neighbours’ doors to announce LAFD please remain inside your homes.

“We, uh, came to an understanding,” Eddie says.

“Oh! Good,” Buck says. He pauses. “What about?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie recommends. He nudges Buck with his shoulder and gets a grin in response. “Let’s check in with Bobby and see if they need us or if they recommend we just stay inside and stay safe, too.”

“No one I’d rather weather a lockdown with,” Buck replies, as if the second she stepped into the stairwell, Taylor also disappeared from his head. “Well, except maybe Christopher.”

Eddie laughs, and thinks in Taylor’s direction, may the best person win.

[homosubtext]

okay I’ve been meaning to ask you this for DAYS but now I’m here bother you AND ask this

since you seem like a fellow swiftie, are there any songs off Midnights that make you think of Sakusa, Atsumu, and/or SakuAtsu? Also what are some songs of hers in general you associate with them?

anywho I adore you, sprinkling love and kisses on your forehead 💖

my 13 years as a taylor swift fan has been prepping me for this. let’s GO

midnights

labryinth - (so far this is all i have to offer from this album cause listening to new music is overwhelming so i can only handle a few new songs at a time) this song reminds me of sakusa. the pain of realizing that you have feelings for someone and that they’re Big Feelings is so hard and i think sakusa is definitely one to be like “fuck bro not again this sucks” when he likes someone. especially since it was fucking atsumu that he fell in love with, poor omi can’t catch a break. the resignation from the beginning of the song with the line “i’ll be getting over you my whole life”. it’s as if he immediately writes it off as something that would be impossible. something that’s not for him. he doesn’t think he gets to have that, and definitely not with atsumu. so immediately he’s just like ‘okay so i guess i’ll spend the rest of my life trying to get over this loser’ without even thinking of what could be if he gave it a chance. the line “you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back” also just feels so sakusa to me. when things bother him, people brush it off and expect him to get over it quickly, never giving him time to process and recover from things. the line “you would break your back to make me break a smile” just screams sakuatsu because atsumu just wants to break through omis icy bitchy exterior to his icy bitchy interior <3

evermore

gold rush - oooooh man sakusa sakusa sakusa. “i don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush.” and “i don’t like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush” and “at dinner parties i call you out on your contrarian shit” is very much in character with him. the slight annoyance at blushing or being flustered around someone you like because oh my god how embarassing but also the fear of falling in love because it always feels so good until suddenly it doesn’t. onto the next, “cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea, cause it will never be” this line is similar to the part in labyrinth i mentioned. just the resignation here in accepting that this is a love that could never possibly happen

folklore

this is me trying - this song reminds me of sakusa a lot. I think he tries really hard and in relationships sometimes it may seem like he isn’t trying but he’s always giving his all.

mirrorball - i think this couples really well with ‘this is me trying’ but i think mirrorball is from atsumus pov. he doesn’t change himself for others but i think he thrives on attention and having focus on him. i think he struggles when it seems like sakusa doesn’t pay attention to him at first and I think it’s one of the first times in his life he considers changing who he is to try and get sakusa to like him. obviously he doesn’t change who he is and sakusa still ends up liking him anyway so it works out fine but yea

lover

daylight - this song makes me think of sakusa. the initial negative pessimistic outlook on love, life, people in general at the beginning contrasted with the end of the song where everything is bright and golden…… yea it’s giving sakuatsu <3

paper rings - i don’t have much to say about this one other than it makes me think of them and it’s fun and silly and i like that for them

afterglow - i think they have arguments bc they are both stubborn and assholes but i think they come together in the end to work things out

lover - the domesticity of this song just has a special place in my heart. the line “have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years” makes me think about how they met when they were kids at the training camps and then met again later in life when they both were on the same team, but things were different and they had grown up. “take me out and take me home” makes me think about how they would probably go out for little date nights but would ultimately go home together and spend time there too because sakusa is more of a homebody. the whole bridge of lover sounds like a speech that atsumu gives at the table when they have a dinner party with all their friends or something. like he just stands up and says all of that like it’s a wedding toast cause he’s over dramatic and loves kiyoomi so so much. the line “and at every table i’ll save you a seat” makes me think about how kiyoomi doesn’t like to be near other people so atsumu will save a seat next to him because he’s comfortable around him. also the “you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” reminds me of them bc they’re both foul and rotten and i think it fits them

i think he knows - GOD this song is SO atsumu are you fucking kidding me. the DRAMA of the song and overreacting is so him. “wanna see what’s under that attitude” that is so so so atsumu @ kiyoomi are u fucking kidding me like he’s such a little shit about it too

reputation

gorgeous - the line “you should take it as a compliment that i got drunk and made fun of the way you talk” sakusa definitely got wasted and bullied atsumu for his accent. “you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” sakusa definitely blames atsumu for making him fall in love LMAO. the line “there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have” yea of course sakusa kiyoomi, a youngest sibling, would say some shit like that smh.

1989

you are in love - the way this song frames loves makes me think of them. the unspoken “i love you”s that can be felt even if it is left unsaid reminds me of their dynamic. the line “one night he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses, then says ‘you’re my best friend’” !!!!! this line is so important to me !!! growing up, atsumus best friend was always osamu cause obviously ya know but there comes a point where atsumu is like ‘holy shit i think you’re one of my best friends’ to sakusa and i just think it’s a weird realization for both of them because they both know how telling and meaningful that is.

debut

teardrops on my guitar - i just think atsumu is dramatic and he would listen to this song and think about sakusa while he’s pining LMAO

whew that was probably WAY more than you bargained for but i have So Many thoughts about them !!! i will never shut up !! but thank you for asking and i hope you enjoy reading my analyses <3

[rinkrats]

Jen: It was definitely something that you wanted to be perfect. There’s no one more deserving to be more recognised. And knowing he had to do it without the fans there - you know, you just wish he could have got that ovation that he deserved, and celebrate it with them. So we wanted to make it extra special.

We were set for Valentine’s Day against the Capitals, and here we were doing it instead on Feb 21st… To be honest, the stick he got on the ice is back at the engraver’s, getting the date put on it for his 1000th game. We started in January, reaching out to all the teams. Not one person we asked said no.

And I can tell you that you guys saw quite a few videos from a lot of high-profile people, but Sid actually got a personal video with over 45 minutes of messages from friends, families, people at home, guys he played with at Rimouski… To not have fans, we wanted to make it extra special for him.

Steg: You had to be cognisant and respectful of the superstitious nature of Sidney Crosby. How did you handle that part of it?

Jen: So, I never, ever, ever said the word to him. I never said the word 1000 to him once. I think it was Wednesday the week before, and I said, ‘Hey, Thursday’s a day off, and I’m thinking Friday you’ll be available’. And he looks at me and I’m like, “FRIDAY… you’ll be available, because the media will want to talk to you’. And he gave me the wink, like, okay. We never said anything but he knew it was gonna be the first time he answered questions about it. I didn’t bring any requests to his attention prior to that.

We had an idea to watch his first game with him, but we haven’t done it yet because we didn’t wanna ask him till it was here. So, yeah, we’re superstitious from that factor. I actually called his sister and I said, ‘Taylor, you gotta help me. How do I proceed with this one?’ and she helped with the family stuff. I called Kathy, his girlfriend, and she helped with the friend stuff. It’s funny to see how many people - I can’t imagine what he felt like hearing all the messages and watching all the videos, because there were a few of them that made me tear up, because he is just so respected across the board at all levels of the game.

Steg: Whose ideas were they?

Jen: (on Sid’s 1000th game tribute mosaic) ...One of the funniest moments of last Saturday was, after the game was over, I saw Geno bending over and  he was counting to make sure there was a thousand!

(on tying the skates) You know, I don’t know what player came up with that but that was probably the highlight of the night for him. He didn’t even notice. He was so in the zone. And he turned around and looked around and was like, ‘Oh my god’. When they switched legs, I was laughing so hard. They really full on went in. I fully expected they would have done it in Washington too since they won. (Metzer: He would have required it right?) Yeah, I thought for sure this was gonna be a new mandate! That everyone was gonna have to tie their skates just like him.

Metzer: Sid’s such a great human, but it humanised him, seeing the emotion. When he came together with Geno and Kris Letang, was that kinda a cool moment for you guys too, to just see the big three having an emotional moment. You could just see the affection between those three guys.

Jen: It was actually quite funny to me because of everything that’s been in the media recently about the core and the changes in management, what the future of the team looks like. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the three of them have such an incredible moment - and I’ve seen them win three Cups together. They really were sincerely proud, sincerely thankful for each other and all the things they’ve accomplished together

Steg: It was nice to see Sid with his girlfriend too.

Jen: Yeah! Kathy’s wonderful. I didn’t want him to be alone out there. We had to ask the league for permission to have the guys on the ice, cus we felt like he was on an island by himself with no fans in the building.

...I feel like for someone who’s in his 16th season, nothing’s slowed down. On the ice or off the ice. He is still such a big magnet for our team and attention - and deservingly so. He shows up day in and day out.

The night of this game, there was a long delay before he did media and the true story was, we couldn’t find him. He worked out after the game (laughs). He brought a protein shake to media with him. We were looking all over for him. Sid was so long because after he took all his pictures, he went and worked out. We couldn’t find him! His teammates had all already worked out, showered, there was a cake- and it was just so funny. No one knew where Sid was. He was working out.

-Penguins Live Weekly on Sid’s 1000th game with Jen Bullano, 27 Feb 2021

In which sid is utterly sid...

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal (Chapter 12)

Chapter Summary: Bucky romances the shit out of you. In his own way.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 5.4k

Warnings: drinking, cursing, old friends partying together, smut, semi-public sex, oral sex (f), face fucking.  

A/N: I shouldn’t tease you guys as much as I do when I respond the comments, lol! Thank you so much for all the feedback, btw. Be nice to Bucky, he’s never been in love before. Thank you, @lesqui​, for sparing me some time even when you have so much in your plate. Love you. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated.

Tag list for this story is closed.  

*no Alpine in this particular chapter, but the art is just too amazing and fitting for the two of them in this story not to seize the opportunity to use it when the talented @muffinshark​ gave me permission. 

The sour taste of lemon eases down the burn in your throat after the second shot of tequila of the night. Laughs and chattering sounds mingle with the beats around you in the dark place.

“So, how’s single life treating you, Y/n?” Brianna asks raising her voice to be heard, making the attention of your other friends, Maddie and Taylor, turn to you as well with expectant looks on their faces while the four of you stands around a tall and stylish table.

Since they all wanted to dance, you ended up choosing a restaurant that turned into a club later in the night. The place is a bit too fancy for your taste, but the music is good, as well as the drinks and the company. 

At college, they were your little gang, but with time, as your relationship with Eddie became more and more serious, the group ended up drifting apart, shrinking the relationship into occasional text messages and even more rare encounters. Maddie is the exception, since her fiancée, David, is friends with Eddie, which led to the four of you keep hanging out as couples.  

You feel guilty and stupid for letting them aside, because you missed this, so much. And so did they, for when you called them, they were all on board to start seeing each other more.

“Pretty good, actually,” you answer, taking a sip of your bottle of water. You don’t mind getting a bit tipsy that night, but you need to get an uber by yourself back home and you definitely don’t want it to escalate to you ending up drunk on a stranger’s car, “I mean, I’ve been seeing you guys more often, I’ve been reading a lot, watching all my favorite films-”

“Don’t you miss banging?” Brianna asks, frowning at you.

“Bri,” Taylor scolds, but turns her focus on you, anyway, waiting for an answer, as does Maddie. 

You clear your throat, making some time before answering. You haven’t told them about Bucky… you’re not even sure why, but you suspect that it’s just because you don’t know exactly how to define him in your life. For a reason you still don’t have clear in your mind, you can’t just refer to him as a guy you had a deal with to bang, “Ahm… I’m not focusing on that right now.” You shrug, not telling a complete lie.  

“Ugh, girl, you should,” Brianna grimaces, “I mean… we all know Eddie was your first and only,” She huffs, “Now that you’re out there in the world, there’s so much you could explore. I mean… so much.” She smirks.

“You better hurry up, though,” Maddie says, gulping down some water, “Eddie is determined to get back with you, he’s been talking to David a lot about it and, I mean, he proposed and all.”

The grimace on Brianna’s face twists hard, while Taylor smiles sympathetically at you.  

“I know…” You sigh, looking down for a second, “I just don’t know how I feel about it.”

“You know what? It was about time that relationship of yours with Eddie to be over-“

“Alright, alright,” Taylor, ever the peacemaker intervenes, shooting a warning look at Brianna, who stays quiet but doesn’t seem too happy about it, “Enough about exes and fiancées.” Taylor looks past your shoulders and nods, just when a small smirk curls up her lips, “Look at that guy right there… a damn greek God, he would be perfect for you to explore, like Bri said.”

You chuckle lightly, not really getting as excited as you are expected to be.

While Maddie stands on her toes to look for the guy, you spot when Brianna’s face light up right before she shrieks, “Holy shit, that’s not just some hot guy, that’s The Winter Fucking Soldier.”

The air catches in your throat as your eyes widen, “Bucky?” You swiftly turn towards the direction they’re looking at. And there’s the man himself. Sipping from a glass of whiskey while listening to what one of the two girls he’s talking to is saying. Before there’s a chance of his gaze lock with yours, your face snaps forward again.

You ignore Brianna squinting at you, and bring your bottle of water to your suddenly dry lips. Seeing him there made you, all of a sudden, a nervous teenager who spots a crush at a party. You do need to figure out your damn feelings soon…

“Oh, yeah…” Maddie says, realization running over her face, “That’s him. Damn he looks good… Y/N, oh my God, do you often come across him at work?” She asks, excited curiosity on her voice.

“Sometimes, yeah…” you mumble, biting your lip, still a bit shook by his presence. Could it be just a coincidence? You remember telling him you were going out, but you don’t remember telling him where you would be…

“You’re so lucky to work there,” Taylor sighs while your mind runs at full speed, “The Avengers… holy shit, why are they all so hot? That Falcon dude…”

“What about Captain America? That ass…” Maddie says, with a dreamy tone, “And Thor… Tony Stark…the damn Hulk...”

“Bucky?” Brianna finally speaks, squinting harder at you and interrupting Maddie while she went over all the Avengers names and hotness, “Bucky? When did you two get so intimate… and why are you so flustered to see him here?” She tips her chin and waves all over you. Her eyes go bigger before she smirks, “You sneaky little I’m not focusing on sex right now bitch, you’ve been fucking him, haven’t you? You’ve been boning the Winter Soldier.”

You’re sure you look like a deer caught in headlights, because Maddie and Taylor gaping expressions now match Brianna’s. Seeing no point or really no good reason to hide the blatant truth from your friends, you allow you initial fluster to mold into a smirks, “A lot of fucking, actually,” you admit.  

After the squeaky reaction, you tell them all about the deal you had with Bucky, just leaving out the part when he confessed his feelings. That’s still a sensitive topic to you and you’re not sure how much Bucky would be ok with having such an intimate situation exposed. The sex bits, though? You’re pretty sure he wouldn’t mind whatsoever.  

“Oh my god,” Taylor gasps when you’re done, “I’m gonna need another shot after that.” She fans herself before calling for a waiter.

“Make it four, we’re all pretty thirsty now,” Brianna wiggles her eyebrows at you, “Holy shit, and here I was thinking our girl was moping around and drying out from the inside of that vagina out.” She scoffs to herself, ”You go, you glorious bitch.” She reaches out for a discreet high five under the table, to which you quickly respond with a laugh.

“Ahm, guys…” Maddie calls, frowning at the screen of her phone after looking up with an apologetic expression, “David just texted me. He and Eddie are at the door to come in.” She cringes.

“Oh…” You frown at the news.

“Shit…” Brianna laughs, while the waiter arrives with the trail of shots Taylor had ordered, “This sure is going to be an interesting night.” She catches two glasses from the trail, handing one directly to you.

“Maddie, did you tell David to come? Of course he would bring Eddie…” Taylor tilts her head in a chastising way while the waiter places the other two shots on the table. 

“I didn’t know,” Maddie looks helpless, before turning to you, “Y/N, I swear… I can call David and tell them to go somewhere else, he will understand-“

“Shh,” you wave and shake your head at her dismissively, “Don’t worry, Mads, it’s fine.” You soothe her, “But my plans of going home sober have just gone down the drain.” You shrug, right before turning down your shot.

Grimacing at the sower taste, you glance behind your shoulder. You don’t spot Bucky there, anymore. You doubt he has left the place, but you catch yourself wishing that was the case. Eddie being there doesn’t bother you as much as the possibility of Bucky thinking you had made plans with your ex. 

Damn… you really need to put your feelings in check.

“Alright,” Brianna turns down her shot and claps her hands, “Come on, let’s dance, we can fix ourselves another shot in our way,” she decides, pulling you by the hand, to which you offer no resistance.  

You have no idea what Eddie or Bucky are doing there and of course it puts you off a bit, since you weren’t expecting an encounter with the two of them that night… but you know one thing, you came here to have fun and you might as well do exactly that.

While Taylor and Maddie choose to stay by the table, you and Brianna go to the dance floor. There’s a lot of dancing, drinking and laughs… so much laughing. The DJ puts on a playlist from your college decade and you two go wild with that.

“I need some water, be right back,” Brianna pants in your ear at some point, and you just nod, too involved in the music to stop dancing. This is one of the perks of staying single. You discovered a lot about you and just how much you enjoy dancing was something you’ve never been aware of yourself before.

A few minutes pass after Brianna left and you keep swaying to the music until you feel a pair of arms around your waist. A smile pops in your lips as an instant flashback surges in your mind: the first time you went out with Bucky… met his friends… danced with them until he came to get you… circling his arms around you just like that.

Chuckling, you turn around but the smiling face your gaze meets is not the one you saw back then.  

It’s Eddie.

“Hi,” he greets, keeping his hands on your waist.

You sure hope the disappointment isn’t etched on your face when you greet him back with a weak but friendly enough hello. You take a step back, unraveling yourself from his hands.

“Ahm…” He clears his throat, letting his arms fall to each side of him, “I saw you dancing when I came in.” He smiles, tilting his face closer to you and speaking loudly so you can hear him, “You looked beautiful…”

At the compliment your eyes shift to the floor and, not really sure how to respond, you just let out a small and breathy laugh. 

“I hope you don’t mind me being here, David called me and I… I’m not gonna lie, I really wanted to see you.” He leans even closer.

“Eddie…” you sigh, taking another step back as your eyes, almost involuntarily, roams around, trying to spot if anyone is watching you. And by anyone, your mind means Bucky. You find him. He’s up there in one of the mezzanines, engaged on a conversation with a group of people. You’re not even sure he’s seen you there. He’s not looking at you and he hasn’t come to say hello…

“Ahm,” Eddie brushes the back of his neck and your attention is on him again. He presses his lips in a tight smile before speaking again, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen the girls, I’m gonna go say hello and grab something to drink.” He nods towards the direction of the table you were with your friends before.

“Oh, ok, ahm, I’ll go with you,” you say and his whole face light up, “I need something to drink, too.”

He nods with a smile and gestures for you to lead the way.

Despite some initial wariness of Eddie’s presence among the girls, the night plays out pretty smoothly, actually. The little group you’re a part of engages in a jovial and light conversation. It seems like college all over again and it’s so much fun. You like that. Every once in a while, your gaze meets Eddie’s and, for that split of moment, it seems like nothing’s changed, but at the same time, it’s all different. Going out with your friends and having so much fun with Eddie at your side weren’t something that was a part of your relationship. But you could get used to that…

At the same time… more often than you dare to acknowledge, your gaze navigates unbidden to search for Bucky, to see what he’s doing, to check if he’s looking at you, to see if he’s still there or maybe has left… with someone else… Every single time your eyes find him, but not once he looks at you.

It makes you feel some kind of way… some longing kind of feeling.

When the shots and the water become a bit much, you excuse yourself to the ladies room, to where Taylor goes with you.

“So… it seems like you’re dealing pretty well with Eddie being here, huh?” she says, looking at you through the mirror while you both fix your lipsticks by the sink.

“Yeah…” you frown and shrug, “I’m kinda surprised to be honest. We almost never did this while we were together. I thought he didn’t like it, but maybe it was just us being too accommodated into a routine, I guess…” You look to your lips and resume to apply your lipstick.

“Yeah…” she closes her lipstick and places back in her purse, “Or he’s just making an effort to win you back…”

You sigh, watching her through the mirror, “Maybe… I don’t know…”

“What about…” she looks around the bathroom, there’s only a couple of other girls, but Taylor has always been the more discreet one, “the other guy? What’s really there? The way you talked about him, the way you looked at him… it didn’t seem like just sex to me…”

Oh… the million-dollar question. You put your lipstick away and turn to face her, “I don’t know…” You lick your lips after letting out an exhale, “He did tell me he was feeling something more,” you admit.

“Ah… I see…” She smirks. “What about you, huh?” She pulls you away from the countertop and to a small lounge area there in the restroom.

“I don’t know.” You shake your head, while a small smile curls your lip, “I mean…he’s… incredible… such a free spirit…” You grin wider as you think of him, “I had never met anyone like him before. I guess it’s impossible not to end up feeling something, but…” Your smile falters a bit, “I’m not sure how much he would be up to everything else, all the drama, I mean, that comes with a relationship… with experiencing a feeling deeper than just… sex.” You shrug and look down, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“I see… but… Can I tell you something?” She asks, tilting her head.

You look up at her, nodding for her to continue. 

“Don’t get me wrong but, I feel like maybe you’re feeling and thinking that way because in your relationship with Eddie, you’ve learned that love, freedom, fun… all of that couldn’t work together and… I’m not sure that’s the rule of every relationship, though. It can be light, fun, meaningful and still be a committed relationship. It sure seems like you enjoy yourself with Bucky, and that’s what really matters in the end, right? They way you feel about yourself when you’re with someone?”

You just ponder her words for a second. You’ve been thinking about it a lot… the time you spent together makes you wonder how a relationship with Bucky would play out and… it makes your heart so light and hopeful… But it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t lead to hurt or even that you have your feelings all figured out, yet.

“Anyway…” You shake your head, “He didn’t even look at me tonight, so…maybe it was really just an infatuation all along…” You run your tongue inside your lips, trying to suppress the heaviness suddenly in your chest, “Come on, let’s not spend the night in here.” You chuckle, nodding and walking towards the way out as Taylor just eyes you but follows you nevertheless.

The sight you come across as soon as you step out of the restroom makes you stop on your track.

He’s leaning by the wall of the alleyway, both hands behind his back, one leg folded up, his foot pressed against the wall. Dark grey t-shirt and blue jeans. Short fluffy hair in a combed back style. Perfect enough to grab… just how he likes it. Plump lips shadowed by a light scruff and soft blue eyes trained on you.  

Damn… He takes your breath away.

“Ahm, ok… yeah…gotta go, see you, later, Y/N.” Taylor says and swiftly leaves the scene.

All the while, you just don’t seem to be able to move your gaze away from him. When you spot the smile starting to curl his lips, you feel the tug on yours, too. And there you are, looking and smile at each other… the sounds of music and chattering muffled by the big door that separates the bathrooms area from the rest of the club.

Without uttering a word or parting his eyes from yours, Bucky extends a hand to you. An invitation…

Your gaze drops to the tempting hand, and then you glance at the door to the club. In your chest, your heart beats fast and almost louder than the music, like it’s making you notice it, telling you loudly and clearly you what it wants. When you look back at him, you have your lower lip pressed between your teeth and you step closer.

Your hands barely touch before he gently envelops yours in his. As the heat of his skin covers yours, his smile widens at you and he moves away from the wall he’s been leaning onto, moving towards the opposite direction of the music, leading you with him by his hand.

You hadn’t even seen the small black door by the end of the hallway, but he opens it and you follow him. Walking behind him, never letting go of his hand, he walks you through what seems like a storage room, until you find another door that leads you to a flight of stairs. Your breathing increases and you gulp down as you climb up the stairs with him. No questions. There’s no need.

When you get to the end of the steps, he stops in front of a two-leaf door and lets go of your hand to open it. He turns to you and, with that sweet smile of his, gestures for you step to the other side.

You breathe in the fresh outside air and step into what seems like a roof deck in construction. The sound of the door shutting behind catches your attention before you feel his heat on your back and his arms around your waist.

You lean back and your eyes flutter shut once he breathes in through your hair, making your arms go slack. Shit … you really missed him.

“It’s going to be pretty when it’s done, don’t you think?” He talks to you for the first time that night. His voice comes out in a low and raspy sound while the warmth of his breath covers your neck. Your thighs clench against one another, “I had a survey around the area once I got here and found this place. I thought it was perfect...” He whispers, tightening the hold on you.

You just let out a hum in response… The faded beats of music sound distant from where you are, but his hips start swaying, leading you with his rhythm... You sigh as a small smile pops on your lips when you cover his hands on your waist with yours. 

 “How’s your night so far, huh, having fun?” His low voice vibrates through the skin of your neck.

“Lots of it,” you let out a long exhale, leaning further against him.  

“That’s good.” A faint of a kiss lays on your shoulder.  “I saw you having fun down there with your friends…” He keeps the slow sway of his hips with yours, “So sexy, and beautiful,” he praises, and you lick your lips, “I hope you don’t mind me crashing in.”

A sharp gasp leaves your lips once he turns you around in his arms and you catch yourself by circling yours around his neck.

The intensity in his eyes is almost unbearable in a delicious way and his gaze roams around your face, carefully scrutinizing every single detail. With a will of its own, your lips part when your eyes drop to his, and next thing you see, you’re caged between him and the nearest wall.

He doesn’t relent to the silent plea in your parted lips and eyes focuses on his lips and, instead of locking them with yours like you can’t for a second deny that you want, he drags them over the bare skin of your neck up to your jaw.

“I thought that maybe I could add a little something to your night,” he whispers right above your pulsing point before his tongue darts to lick the skin there.

A wanton moan escapes you at the feeling… the sweet feeling of having him so close to you again. This time you spent apart from him… not for a second you forgot about the effect he has on your body… on you… and there he is again, turning you into putty under his touch.

“You look so sexy in this dress,” he continues and, without parting his lips from your neck, his hand skims up your bare thigh towards the hem of your dress, “Made me eager for a taste…” He whispers into your ears, turning your senses into a blurry fog when he drops on his knees in front of you.  

His both hands continue their ascend on your thigh and underneath your dress when a stubborn reasonable thought slips through the cloud of your senses.

“Bucky…” You pant, looking down at him, “I don’t…”

His hands stop right before they get to your underwear, “You don’t want it?” He asks, staring up at you.  

“No…I do...” you admit, completely unable to lie to him while you run a hand over your face, “Fuck, I do... I just…” You sigh, trying to organize your thoughts and words, “You said you’re…” You let out another frustrated breath by not being able to be straightforward with what you’re saying. He’s said he’s in love with you. You still don’t have a clear picture of your feelings, you’re afraid that if you go further with this, you might end up hurting him, which you absolutely do not want, “I’m still…” You shake your head, “I don’t wanna complicate things…”

“Shhhh,” he soothes, placing a long kiss on your thigh and then the other, which makes butterflies fly in your belly, before he looks up at you again, with a smile on his lips, “Don’t you worry, sweetheart… I told you before…” He brushes his hand lightly up and down your thighs, “I’m a grown ass man, I can handle my feelings…” He licks his lips and takes a piercing bite on his lower one, before aiming you a devilish dark gaze, “A grown ass man who wants a taste of that sweet pussy of yours... It’s just a taste. I missed it so bad…” he pleads, nuzzling into your mound through the fabric of your dress.

“Fuck…” your head falls back into the wall. If this is going to complicate things… you’re both adults who can deal with complications… right? You’re not that sure. All you’re sure about is the aching throb in your clit and your hands moving to lift up your dress.

Taking it as the yes that he needs, Bucky wastes no time, hastily helping you pull up the skirt of your dress up your waist. He swiftly drags the base of your underwear aside and digs in with an open mouth.

At the sensation of his wet and warm tongue on you again, shivers run up your skin to your nipples and your face contorts in a silent cry. Your hands close into tight fists, bunching tightly the fabric of your dress.  

He hooks a hand under your leg and places it over his shoulder, opening you up to him and you gasp, sneaking your fingers on his hair. He laps at your clit with a furious desire that makes your thoughts faint and your eyes shut, focusing your mind solely on the delicious mouth on you and how it brings an inferno upon your core and skin. The kind of feeling that only him can bring you, making you moan like that and kicking the air out of your lungs.

Bucky lets out a hum that vibrates all through your core and your eyes snap down to see his face shoved deep into your pussy, back and forward, while he grabs your ass and presses you harder against him. It’s like he’s desperate to taste you, to feel you, to have you all over him… and, damn… that makes you feel hotter and sexier than ever.   

 “Fuck,” you whisper under a heavy breath and grabs his hair harder.

That’s when he moves away and rests his cheek on your thigh, seeming on a fight for air himself while his stare remains on your exposed sex right in front of him, “Damn you taste perfect,” he pants before turning his face to grab the soft flesh of your inner thigh in a piercing but delicious bite that makes you yelp, “So good,” he breathes again, before flattening his tongue and licking a long stripe of your pussy.

“Bucky…” you whisper, letting your head fall back while your knees shake.

“Fucking perfect,” he moves to bite your other thigh sharply, which draws out a breathy and delighted laugh out of that dies shortly in a gasp when his tongue comes back to lick your pussy with renewed hunger.

You breathe erratically and stars appear behind your lids, shut in a dreamy state while he devours you out. He doesn’t use his fingers… only his mouth is enough to bring you to a little paradise in a roof deck under construction in the middle of the city.  

Your face snaps down at him with a glare once you can’t feel the wet and soft touch of his lips anymore. But the plea that comes out of his lips in a low and seductive tone makes it all worth it.

“Fuck my face, sweetheart…”

“What?” Your eyes widen a bit, in sheer disbelief, but with a hint of eagerness speeding up your breathing even more.

“Fuck my face,” he repeats, brushing his nose on your mound before laying a kiss on the spot, “You wanna come on my mouth don’t you? I want you to come all over my face, sweetheart, please...”

Fucking please? Does he really think he needs to beg you for that, “Oh…Yes, fuck yeah, I do.” Your voice comes out almost in a grunt.

He smirks and groans in response before digging in again and pushing your hard against his face.  Propped by a frenzy that rushes up your whole body, you do exactly what he asked of you. Positioning your hands on the back of his head you grind your pussy harshly up and down against him, feeling all of his beautiful face against your dripping and sensitive flesh.

His growing beard rasps against your thighs and it only makes the sensations even more intense. You can’t hold your loud moans back, that mixes up with his muffled groans, while you properly fucks his face. It’s all too much and it’s not long before you let out a strangled cry and your whole body shivers in a potent climax while you come all over his mouth and face, just like he asked.

Bucky tightens the hold on your thigh and ass, grounding you on your spot at the same time he peppers soft kisses on your mound, thighs, pussy… Your body spasms at the feeling and the aftershocks of your pleasure, until you can’t take it anymore and gathers the strength to grab his collar and pull him up to you. 

As soon as his face – glistening in your pleasure- levels yours, you steal his lips in a furious kiss. His taste is all yourself and, fuck, it drives you wild. You reach a hand down and cups his cock, moaning at feeling it hard and throbbing against your hand through his pants.

When you start gently palming it up and down, he grabs your pulse with his metal hand, stopping your moves.

Parting your lips from him, you frown, to which he answers smiling and bringing your hand to his lips, to place a kiss on it before lacing his fingers with yours and trapping your joined hands between your chests. The gesture itself is enough to make your face soften while you take in a deep breath.

“I’m gonna go home now,” he says, leisurely wiping his face with the back of his flash hand.

The frown comes back to your face, “Huh?”

He chuckles, having his face delightfully close to yours, “I’m not here to disturb you night, sweetheart. You go back and have fun with your friends, they seem great,” he brings his lips to your forehead, “You look so sexy in this dress,” he speaks with his lips on your skin, while your hands are still linked between the two of you.  His flesh one, he dips beneath the hem of your dress that now has fallen over your thighs again.

You’re suddenly out of breath one more time and can’t part your eyes from him, completely in lack of words.

As for him, he skims up your thigh and leans back to look down at his hand, “You go show this whole club how beautiful and hot you are. Dance with somebody,” he suggests, nonchalantly, like he’s not just now hooking a finger under the base of your underwear that he had pushed aside, to put it back in place and cover you up.

You watch, completely entranced, while he brings his finger to his nose, his eyes fluttering shut as he sniffs and hums, before his dark blue gaze is on yours again, “Let them know how good you smell… how perfect you are.”

A strangled noise comes out of you.

He chuckles, and cups the side of your neck, placing another kiss on your forehead, “I’m getting down first, and don’t worry. I know how to be invisible… don’t wanna bring any kind of drama to your night,” he says with no sign of bitterness or anything like that on his tone.

He doesn’t mention Eddie, but you swallow dry because you know he has him in mind when he mentions “drama”.

With a smirk on his face, he winks, before locking his lips on yours in a chaste but intense kiss. Too soon he parts away, walking through the same door you two hat gotten there by, leaving you completely speechless and wrecked behind.

~~~

When you were finally out of your daze and deciding that only tomorrow you would think of the many possible consequences to what had just happened, you managed to climb down the stairs and, after a quick stopped by the bathroom to put yourself as together as one could be at that situation, you walk your stubbornly wobbly legs towards the table with your friends again.

“Where the hell were you?” Once she spots you, Maddie shouts, with no control on the volume of her voice, looking quite a bit drunk with a margarita in hands, no sign of David or Eddie around the table.

“Ahm,” you risk a glance at Taylor, who avoids looking at you and focuses on sucking her own drink from the straw, “I saw a friend from work, I went to say hello.” You clear your throat.

“Don’t you bullshit us, bitch.” This time Brianna shouts, stepping forward and pushing you on the shoulder, making you almost fall ass-first to the floor if Maddie hadn’t helped you out by grabbing your arm. “Look at you. You look thoroughly fucked. Literally.” She starts laughing loudly, as the others follow.

“Shhhh,” you shush them, holding back your own laugh, “Holy shitballs, you guys. The whole club doesn’t need to know.”

The three of them start a drunken mess of applause, cheers and shrieks at your little slip. You’re too involved with them to notice that a particular pair of ears isn’t really that far from the table and hears the whole interaction. 

~~~

To be continued...

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Reader) -- chapter seventeen

Another smut chapter babes, so it’s 18+ only! xx.

Listen to “False God” by Taylor Swift while reading this (if you want) <3

Warnings: SMUT lmao, choking, oral (fem receiving), Daddy kink, wall sex, multiple orgasms, I think that’s it?

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Seventeen: We might just get away with it, the altar is my hips

You go with Emily to the next evening’s group meeting. It’s entirely uneventful, partly because the meeting was sparse in numbers tonight. Lina said sometimes that happens in the evenings, too. It ebbs and flows.

Still, your somber mood has lingered. Everything feels different than before, and you hate it. You want to go back a few weeks, back to the basement of your childhood home. You want to ignore your head and let your heart guide you.

But you don’t have a time machine.

So, you choose -- for once in your life -- to live in the present.

Emily offers you a supportive smile as she disappears to her room, leaving you in the hotel hallway, right outside Hotch’s door.

All you need to do is knock.

Just a simple, small action, yet it takes you two minutes to find the courage to complete.

The knock echoes all throughout the hall, ringing in your ears, vibrating from your knuckles to your elbow.

Some shuffling is heard from the other side, the deadbolt sliding out of place, and then the door swings open.

Aaron isn’t in his suit anymore. He’s in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looks different. Normal. Cozy. Like someone you could spend your whole life with.

That’s what your heart wants. You know it. Even if it’s too early to know, you know.

“Can we talk?” You ask, but Aaron is already ushering you inside before you get the first word out of your mouth.

Once the door closes, it’s like the words won’t stop spilling from your lips.

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it, but...I want you. I know it’s wrong, and I know you’re my boss, and I don’t care. About any of it, I just know that I want you. But…” You pause, swallowing thickly. “I understand if that’s not what you want. It’s a two-way street, so I’m not trying to force anything that isn’t there. And I know I’m not exactly the...most ideal person, I guess, I mean, I was-- I come with a lot and I get it if that would just be too much on top of the whole being my boss and being older thing. I know I should’ve said all this last night, but I was scared. And I just can’t get you out of my head, Aaron, I’ve tried, and it’s not working, and I just wanted you to know that-- how I feel, in case it’s...just me.”

Aaron says nothing this time. His hands are gentle when he holds your face, and your eyes slip closed. Your heart sings, thank God.

His lips brush yours. Slow, soft, sweet. Everything at once. You feel it: an apology for all that’s happened, all he’s done, all he’s said. It’s asking for forgiveness in a kiss.

“I want you too,” he says, forehead pressed to yours. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to say that, but--”

“A year,” you answer, smiling shyly. “I’ve waited a year. The first case I went on.”

“Then I’ve waited longer,” he murmurs, thumbs brushing your cheeks as he smiles. “I knew there was something about you that first day you walked in my office.”

“Really?” He has too many clothes on right now. Way too many.

“Really,” he nods, kissing you again. “I want you, all of you. Right now.”

“Right now,” you echo, fingers already reaching for the hem of his shirt, your sentiments the exact same.

It’s a trade off from there. His shirt, then yours. His pants, then yours. His underwear, then yours.

You’re already wrapping your hand around his length, ready to feel him, but he pushes you away. You break the kiss to show him your confusion, but he’s smiling softly.

“Tonight is about you,” he whispers. “Go lay down.”

Still confused, you nod, turning to crawl onto the bed and lie down. You prop yourself up on your elbows, though, watching him as he kneels on the end of the bed. His hands wrap around your ankles, causing a surprised yelp to leave your lips when he pulls you closer to him.

“What are you doing?” You ask through a laugh, letting your legs go limp as he hooks your left over his shoulder. He places his hands on your ass, wrapping around your hips to pull you closer to him.

He doesn’t answer your question -- not verbally. Instead, he dips his head to pepper kisses along the innermost portion of your thighs, dangerously close to where you want him.

“Aaron,” you gasp, your arms giving out when he nips at the skin a little too close to your lips, causing you to collapse onto the bed.

He lifts his head, feigning innocence. “What?” His thumbs stroke circles on your hips. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” You cry. “Don’t stop!”

“That’s not how good girls speak to their Daddy,” he replies seriously, raising an eyebrow at you.

Oh shit.

“Apologize,” he orders, fingers kneading the flesh of your ass. “Don’t make me ask twice.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” you let the name tumble from your lips with ease, noticing the way his face darkens with pleasure. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

“That’s a big promise to make, sweetheart,” he coos, leaning his head on your thigh. “Are you sure you’ll be able to keep it?”

You nod vigorously.

“Use your words.”

Jesus Christ. “Yes, yes I promise.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs, peppering kisses around your hips, stomach, thighs. “Lie back,” he whispers. “You can hold onto my hair, okay?”

You nod again, then remembering his previous instruction, you add, “Okay.”

“Now,” he breathes, hot air fanning over your pussy. “We are in a hotel,” he murmurs, lips brushing your clit as he speaks, and you try not to whimper. “So Daddy’s gonna need you to be quiet. Can you do that?”

“Mhm,” you hum, hands fisting the sheets, using all of your willpower not to buck your hips into his mouth. “Please.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” he chuckles, finally lowering his head.

You’ve never done this before, and that thought did cross your mind, but you didn’t want to tell Aaron because you didn’t want him to get nervous. But now, when his tongue strokes you, you realize you probably should’ve said something.

The pleasure is pure electricity. His tongue is masterful and warm, opening you up for him instantly. Your hips raise off the bed on their own accord, chasing the pleasure only he can give you.

Your hands leave the sheets to twist in his hair, nails scratching his scalp, and he groans, pulling you closer, burying himself. Aaron would choose to stay here for hours if you would let him, and judging by the noises you’re making, he thinks you would.

“Aaron,” you gasp, feeling your stomach tightening already, but he only dives deeper. “Daddy,” you choke out, eyes rolling back as he pulls you closer.

He focuses on your clit, and within seconds, you’re cumming, crying out as the pleasure overtakes your body. He lets you push his head down, chasing the last few waves, before your body gives out, and you sink back into the mattress.

Aaron relishes in your aftershocks, stopping once your hands slide from his head, going limp by your sides.

Pressing one last kiss to your hip, he crawls up next to you, pressing a soothing kiss to your lips. “Hey,” he murmurs, pulling back, but your eyes are still closed. “Look at me.”

You obey instantly, opening your eyes as a dazed smile crosses your lips.

“There she is,” he smiles too, kissing your nose. “You okay?”

“More than,” you breathe, body warm and buzzing all over. “I need you.”

“You have me,” Aaron replies easily.

“No, I mean,” you pause, raising one leg to hook it over his back, pulling him back toward your core. “I need you. To fuck me. Right now.”

“To fuck you?” He teases. “You have been a good girl, haven’t you?”

You nod. “Please.”

“Well,” he shrugs, settling over your hips. “Since you’ve been so good for me.”

Before he can align himself, you’re stopping him. Aaron looks at you, eyebrows furrowed, wondering why you’re biting your lip and trying not to smile.

“Use your words,” he reminds you. “What do you want?”

“Against the wall,” you blurt, squeezing his biceps. “Fuck me against the wall.”

Nothing will ever come close to the way his lips split into a grin, and without a second thought, he stands, gathering you into his arms.

He carries you to the wall, pressing your back into the space where you stood just the night before. Only this time, you’re facing him, legs circling his hips, ankles hooked together.

Aaron lines his cockhead up with your core, watching your eyes as he slides inside of you, until his hips are pressed against yours.

He starts to move, but you grip his arms tightly, so he stops. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just...don’t move,” you groan, leaning your head forward onto his shoulder. “You feel good,” you murmur.

“What?”

“You feel so good,” you say again, a little louder this time. “Oh my God.” He fills you differently this way, and it’s addictive already.

Aaron chuckles lowly, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “You feel good, too, sweetheart,” he whispers. “You feel so good wrapped around me.”

That makes your walls flutter, and Aaron groans, fingers tightening their grip on your ass. So, naturally, you do it again. And again.

“Little girl,” he warns. “Don’t tease me.”

“Sorry, sir,” you grin into his neck, but the smile is wiped right off your lips as he begins thrusting.

He’s deeper than he was last night, and the thought only makes your walls flutter once more, drawing him in more. The action causes his hips to falter, and one hand leaves your ass to press into the wall for added support.

“Good girl,” he growls, moving his hand from the wall to grip the back of your neck.

You feel it when it happens, the wave of pleasure and wetness, your walls fluttering harsher than before. And you’re damn sure he felt it too, because he has to stop entirely, catching his breath.

“Look at me,” he orders, gently. And when you lift your head, meeting his eyes, he raises an eyebrow. “Do you want me to choke you? Use your words.”

“Yes,” you nod.

“Yes, what?” He asks, fingers already wrapping around your throat, but not applying pressure.

“Yes, sir,” you break off into a moan as he begins rocking his hips, his fingers squeezing ever so slightly on the sides of your throat. Your eyes and head roll back as the pleasure begins to build.

“Are you going to cum already?” He sneers, chuckling darkly when you try to nod. “My dirty girl. You only needed my hand around your throat, hm?”

“Yeah,” you whine, gasping when he changes angles, fucking into you harder, hitting your sweet spot every time.

“Come on,” he growls, shifting his grip on your hips. “Cum for me. Let me feel it.”

He knows the perfect time to apply more pressure to your neck, and as soon as he does, you crash.

He’s closer than he was letting on, because all it takes is a few more thrusts before he’s spilling inside of you. A smaller orgasm blossoms when you feel the warmth spread through your core, a dazed smile settling over your lips at the feeling.

Taking his hand away from your neck, Aaron moves it to cup your jaw as he kisses you, coaxing you down from your high.

You lazily hook your arms around his neck, moaning into the kiss as you push your hips forward, effectively burying him even deeper inside of you.

“Two orgasms and you’re still not satisfied?” He inquires, moving to pepper kisses down your neck, nipping here and there, but not leaving any marks.

“Oh, I’m-- I’m very satisfied,” you murmur, your head rolling to one side. “So satisfied.”

You’re not drunk at all, yet you sound like it. Aaron chuckles, slipping out of you, and carefully setting you down on your feet. But, as usual, your knees are trembling, so he has to help you stand.

“Shower?” You ask, tilting your head up to look at him through your lashes.

He nods. How could he ever say no to you? “Of course.” And on that note, he scoops you into his arms bridal style.

You’re a mess of giggles as he carries you to the bathroom, carefully setting you down on the toilet. As soon as the shower turns on, you begin peeing, and Aaron pays no mind.

It’s strange, you think. How the two of you act. Like you’ve always been this way. Like this is just how it is.

Once the shower is the right temperature, Aaron helps you inside, and last night is repeated.

Only this time, when you step out of the shower, and Aaron wraps you in a towel, you don’t run. Instead, you brush your hair in front of the mirror while Aaron goes to find a t-shirt for you to wear.

And when he returns with it, you drop your towel and lift your arms, allowing him to slide it over your head. He loves the fact that it swallows you whole, and you do too. (It’s kind of hot, really.)

“You’re not gonna make me sleep on the couch, are you?” You tease, crawling into the bed.

“Of course not,” he replies seriously, climbing in next to you. “You’re staying right here.” He pulls you closer by an arm around your waist, and you gladly fall into his chest.

In between kisses, you murmur, “I’m staying,” just so he hears it from you, in your voice. So he knows. You’re right here. You’re not leaving tonight. Or ever, if you can help it.

Before things can venture into heated territory again, Aaron stops, settling back into the pillows. You get comfortable in the curve of his arm, wrapping yourself around his middle while your head rests on his chest. The perfect pillow.

And just like last night, reality begins to creep in.

“Aaron,” you murmur. “We should talk.”

“I know,” he whispers. “Do you want to talk about it tonight?”

You think for a moment, and then you shake your head. “No. Can we just stay like this?”

He pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Of course.”

Content with that answer, you turn and bury your head into his chest, hugging him tighter, like if you don’t he’ll fade away.

“Hey Y/N,” he says quietly, lips brushing against your hair. “They weren’t just dinners.”

You smile into his skin, nodding. “I know.”

He leans over and turns off the lamp, the room falling into darkness. And the both of you sleep soundly for the first time in days.

Next chapter

[fruitcoops]

Hi!! So I was listening to paper rings by Taylor Swift today and the lyric 'I like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings' made me think of coops and o'knutzy. Could you write a prompt about this?! <3

This song is so perfect for Coops and it’s the best way to start of the long-awaited wedding series! Yay! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

Combined with:

1. Domestic Coops

2. Remus making fun of Sirius’ initials

3. Sirius trying to make Remus moan while he’s on the phone with his folks

4. From @colored-rain: Taking Hattie to the vet

TW for mild smutty content, taking a pet to the vet, and the inherent stress of wedding planning

I: Six Weeks Before the Wedding

“Where are we even going to do this?” Sirius asked, running a hand through his hair.

Remus shook his head silently, pressing his forehead into the wooden edge of the table. “What if we elope?”

“Celeste would skin us both.”

“True. Oh, god, my dad would cry if we did that.” Remus slid down in his seat and stared up with sad eyes. “Can’t we just be married already?”

“I could get tinfoil from the kitchen and just…” Sirius mimed wrapping it around his ring finger and Remus snorted.

“Baby, I would marry you with paper rings, but I think we want them to last.”

“You like shiny things!”

“I do, that doesn’t mean I want tinfoil on my hand for the rest of my life,” Remus laughed, pulling him in for a quick kiss. “Alright, let’s go through our list again. We agreed on small, right?”

“Just the team and families. We still want it to be outside?”

“Yep.” Remus checked off two boxes on the piece of paper they had been grappling with for the past four days. “Rings have already been ordered?”

“I’m doing that this afternoon. What kind of cake do we want?”

“Uhhh…an edible one?” Remus shrugged. “I don’t have a huge preference. Chocolate is really good but all the ones from the store are spongy.”

“Wow, an edible cake, so original,” Sirius teased. “We can ask Celeste what she thinks.”

“Good plan.” He paused for a moment. “Where outside will we do it? We need an actual venue. I think people would be upset if we just had a wedding in a public park.”

“The media would be all over it, too.” Sirius scrunched his nose up in thought just as their timer went off and both sighed as they headed for the door. “It’s going to be hard to focus on practice when we know next to nothing about the wedding we’ve been planning for over six months.”

“We’re disasters.”

II: Four Weeks Before the Wedding

“We’re not putting that on the cards.”

“Why not?” Sirius frowned and looked down at the mock-up invitation. “It’s our initials. It’s cute.”

Remus blinked at him. “Sirius. Your initials.”

“Do you not want my initials on our joint wedding invitation?”

“I would love to have your initials on our joint wedding invitation, except for the part where it’s the same acronym as ‘son of a bitch’.”

Sirius paused, then groaned and put his hands over his face. “Fuck, I forgot about that.”

“You forgot your own initials?”

“I forgot the son of a bitch thing!”

“Okay, I clearly don’t tease you enough for that,” Remus snickered, wrapping an arm around his waist to kiss his cheek. “Alright, attempt number eight is a bust.”

III: Three Weeks Before the Wedding

Sirius ran his fingers gently through Remus’ hair, feeling him shift in the darkness. “What’s on your mind, mon amour?”

“Are we changing our last names?”

“Did we…not discuss that?” Sirius wracked his brain, but it was so exhausted from wedding topics that he came up empty.

“I don’t think so.” Remus scooted around so he was on his side, facing Sirius. “Both our names are super connected to our jobs. Plus, Lupin-Black might be a little long for jerseys.”

“I’d rather not go through the whole name-change process.” There was a beat of quiet. “Though I do like the sound of Sirius Lupin.”

Remus’ breath audibly caught and he leaned closer to Sirius, nuzzling against his shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

IV: Eighteen Days Before the Wedding

Remus’ back hit the mattress with a soft bounce that was quickly stilled by Sirius’ weight pressing him down by the hips, his mouth skimming along all the right places on Remus’ neck. “Yes,” he hissed as Sirius ground down, their bare chests bumping together. He dipped his hands beneath the waistband of Sirius’ sweats and he shivered, nipping the hinge of his jaw.

“Wait,” Sirius gasped, pulling back to straddle Remus’ waist.

“What? Is this a flamingo moment?” Remus panted, still buzzing with arousal.

“Did we invite your parents to the wedding?”

Remus stared at him in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“I don’t think we did.”

“Sirius, you are literally about to—holy fuck, did we invite my parents?”

“I don’t know!”

Remus groaned and let his head fall back against the pillows before tapping Sirius’ hip and swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and dialed his mother’s number, taking a few deep breaths to collect himself as it rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, mom, how’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s going fine out here. How’s wedding planning?” Hope asked. Remus could hear her smiling.

“That’s what I’m calling about, actually. Did you—” He bit his lip as Sirius’ fingertips trailed up his thigh. “Uh, did you get an invitation?”

Hope was silent for a moment, save for a few rustling sounds. “Now that you mention it, I don’t think so. Lyall! Honey, did Re send us a wedding invitation?” There was a low humming noise as his father responded. “He says we didn’t get one.”

Remus winced. “Sorry about that. I can text you the details, if you want.”

“Will you mail one as well? I want to put it in our memory box.”

Sirius’ hand slid further along Remus’ leg, growing closer to his inner thigh by the second and doing nothing to quell his frayed nerves. “Yeah—yeah, mom, we totally can.”

“Are you alright? You sound a bit out of breath.”

“Hattie was running around and being a little crazy.” Remus covered the speaker with his hand and turned to glare at Sirius, who grinned and kissed his cheekbone.

“Okay,” Hope sounded skeptical. “So you’re not getting sick or anything?”

“Nope. Healthy as a horse.” The last word came out a little breathless as Sirius licked a stripe up his neck and bit down on the junction to his shoulder, making Remus’ eyes flutter closed. He smacked Sirius’ hand halfheartedly and felt him grin.

“How’s Sirius doing?”

“Fine, he’s fine. We’re a little stressed with the wedding planning and everything, but things are good here.” Really good, he thought as the heel of Sirius’ hand pressed down just next to his dick. He swallowed down a moan and squeezed his eyes shut. “Alright, I’ll text the details to you this afternoon love you mom bye.”

“Love you t—”

A millisecond after the call ended, Remus slammed his phone into the nightstand and pushed Sirius into the sheets, bracketing his face with his elbows. “What the fuck was that?”

“I’m just keeping things interesting.” Sirius tugged his lower lip between his teeth and smirked, which really left Remus with only one option: kissing him senseless until he couldn’t even remember his own name.

V: Three Days Before the Wedding

Sirius’ leg bounced up and down nervously and he gripped Remus’ hand as they waited in the lobby of the vet’s office. “She’ll be okay.” His voice was noticeably higher than usual and he cleared his throat. “She’ll be fine. It’s just a cough.” A cough that’s been going on for four and a half days.

Remus hummed his agreement, though he hadn’t stopped twisting Hattie’s leash in his hands since they arrived. “Just a cough. Probably a cold, or—or something like that.”

The doors ahead opened and both of them stood as Hattie trotted out next to the vet tech, who looked rather amused. “What’s wrong with her?” Sirius asked, scanning her for any signs of illness. “Is she alright?”

“She is a very talented actress,” the vet said, rubbing Hattie behind the ears. She whined pitifully and cuddled into Sirius’ side. “Have you two been busy lately?”

“We’re planning for our wedding.” Remus looked as confused as Sirius felt. “Why?”

“Because Miss Hattie here is one of the healthiest, snuggliest dogs I’ve ever seen.”

“But she was coughing.”

“She was faking.” The vet knelt next to her and petted down her back, raising an eyebrow. “Weren’t you, munchkin?”

“Hattie!” Sirius exclaimed, torn between relief and shock. “You little monster!”

Remus frowned and tapped her forehead lightly as he slid her leash on over her head. “We were so worried about you! Why would you do that?”

“She’s probably been sulking because you’re busy with wedding stuff,” the vet said with a smile. “Quite the drama queen you’ve got there.”

“Tell me about it,” Sirius huffed as he kissed her head. “Don’t ever do that again, young lady. You’re in big trouble when we get home.”

“Thank you for your help,” Remus said, shaking the vet’s hand. “We really appreciate it and we’re so sorry for wasting your time.”

“Are you kidding? She was the best part of my day,” he laughed. “All the other techs can’t stop talking about Hattie cuddles now. Have a good one, you three.”

+1: The Lions, the Media, and the Locker Room

Word spread like wildfire in media circles, and the rumor mill had never worked harder once news of the Black-Lupin wedding came out.

Naturally, the Lions decided to have a little fun with it.

“Pots! Pots, what can you tell us about Black and Lupin’s wedding?” Four different microphones were shoved into his personal space, but James put on his best confused face.

“What wedding?”

A wave of murmuring spread through the reporters. “So you weren’t invited to Sirius Black and Remus Lupin’s wedding?”

“There’s a wedding?”

Across the room, two other interviewers mobbed Thomas Walker in his stall. “Talker, do you know anything about Black and Lupin’s wedding?”

“Who?” he asked with a perfect act of innocence.

“Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.”

He bit his lip. “I don’t think I know them, sorry. Are they fans?”

“Talkie!” Remus tossed him a towel from the adjacent stall, and he caught it with a grin.

“Heads up, Loops!” Talker threw it right back and headed toward the ice baths with a wink to the cameras. “Good chat, guys.”

One of the interviewers muttered under their breath and hurried over to Pascal, who was still unlacing his skates. “Dumo, when is the wedding between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin?”

Dumo frowned. “Quoi?”

“The wedding. You were invited, yes?”

“Desole, je ne parle pas l’anglais,” he said regretfully. “C’est un…wedding?”

“Yes, the wedding between your teammates.”

“These words, I don’t know them.” His French accent was almost comically thick as he shook his head. “Desole.”

Out of view of the cameras, Sirius gave him a thumbs-up and reached over to high-five Pots.