#i’ve never once like reached out to a real person im a fan of our tried to contact them at all which i think is a big part of it

[wormsdyke]

i must not create parasocial relationships. parasocial relationships are the mind-killer. parasocial relationships are the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face my hyperfixation. i will permit it to pass over and through me. and when it has gone past, i will turn the inner eye to see its path. where the hyperfixation has gone there will be nothing. only normal relationships with people i don’t personally know will remain.

[skylesbian]

im gonna write everything down because i need to remember this entire day forever!!

first of all, i’ve already said this but @louis-in-red is literally the loveliest and kindest person and i LOVED sharing this experience with her 🥺 so thankful i got to meet her! definitely wouldn’t have been the same without her

okay so we got campo delantero (ga) but we got there like 2 hours before doors opened kdhdkd i was a little worried there wouldnt be more merch, but i could buy in uruguay if that was the case. but we got there and they still had peach hoodies so we were queuing and we started hearing screams and people started running so obviously we didn’t question it and started running too ksjshsjs

so we got to the main entrance and there he was...... oli 💀 he was wearing a white shirt and sunglasses and oh my..... he is fit! so hot jshsjs and he walks like louis, at first i couldnt see his face because of a tree and i thought it was louis for a moment and almost died 😭 but that was somehow the only moment that felt real during the entire day, i was like HOLY SHIT THATS OLI

so then we got the merch, took some pics, we met @lou1e and talked to her for a few minutes and she’s so nice and sweet 🥺 it was so lovely meeting her ❤️

after a while we went to get some food and went to the bathroom and we were like just gonna wait everyone gets in, so we just sat to wait and the queue never stopped 😭 so we started walking opposite to the queue to join the end and it continued around the corner like it literally never ended, and at one point we finally got to join the queue. we got in (i went to the bathroom again - for like the 15th time that day.... uruguayan things, you wouldn’t get it 🧉) and the crowd didnt seem that big, so we went to the back in the middle and the stage wasnt that far!

paz carrara was singing and she was LOVELY she was so emotional, she thanked us so many times and said louies were the best, she’s a sweetheart and i love her 🥺

and then the chaos started.... we saw two paramedics take an unconscious person out and after that i lost count of how many people were taken out, or had to leave. people walked out of the crowd wet from head to toe and they were pale and about to faint and throwing up. we helped a few fans, but there were so many during the entire time sunroom was on stage, i couldnt even listen to one song properly. hope they enjoyed anyways 😭 the staff was throwing water on the front (like actually wetting them) and handing plastic glasses of water. and i was getting so anxious, i was scared to have an anxiety attack because watching that happen live a few times was bad, but being there, with sooo many young people getting sick was a bit terrifying ngl. it was too hot and people were pushing too much.

louis started late because they were trying to make the crowd take a step back and when they finally did and louis showed up, everything worked out!!! it was still too hot but people respected the space a little better.

i was so nervous and freaking out a little the minutes before it started, but then we made it started and life stopped being real. like when i say i had an out of the body experience.... i didnt feel like i was there. i think it took me a few songs to be like, okay this is louis, im here, this is happening. and even then it didnt feel as real as when i saw oli KDHDKD i don’t know how to explain it, maybe he’s just so perfect my basic human brain can’t comprehend HE’S FUCKING REAL.

i have so many blanks but the things i DO remember:

we didnt know there was a platform, and between people getting out of the front of the crowd and joining the back, and the few steps back we took, we didn’t seem that close anymore. like we could still see him clearly (when people weren’t raising all their phones at once 🥲) but it was fared away than initially. BUT THEN at one point he starts walking our way, reaches the end of the stage and keeps walking, and KEEPS WALKING, AND HE WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE WTF!!! WE SCREAMED SO MUCH 😭😭😭

i think fearless was the song i enjoyed the most live which isn’t exactly a surprise because i love it, but its SO GOOD LIVE it was amazing. always you was also one of my top songs of the night and the lights during beautiful war were sooooo pretty!!!! really feels like being in the middle of a thousand stars (or more like fifteen thousand stars 😌)

he’s voice????? is so????? fucking flawless??????? i have always loved listening to him during performances/live shows/etc, i always thought he sings even better live. but HOLY SHIT i was not prepared for it to be EVEN BETTER??? he blew my fucking mind. HE’S SO TALENTED!!! HES WORKED SO HARD ON HIS VOCALS AND ITS PAYING OFF AMAZINGLY, HES SO WONDERFUL!!!!

singing his songs back to him was so good 🥺 i was really looking forward to sing YOU WERE MY BECAUSE at him but that moment is also blank 💀 buuut i do remember thinking “oh he got it right” in the first verse KDHDJS

when he went to the barricade during kmm everyone pushed closer and he raised his arm and i saw all his tattoos, and everyone who knows me knows how obsessed i am with that arm so it was a pretty special moment to see them so close 😭

oh before ttd i was like “the pic????” so ttd ended and people were chanting for perfect now (except for me and steph, we were chanting for just hold on skhdks) and steph yelled “the photo!!” and he immediately said lets take a photo, so we choose to ✨believe✨ that he heard her. they are practically besties now 😌

also my throat still hurts so much because we screamed the entire time 😭 kshsks

and the funniest part of the night was that getting back to the hotel, our taxi driver was a bald man in his 50s who was a harrie, but we made him a louie (he said louis has a better voice and sings better 💀) but thats a story for another day 😁

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Alabasta (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

(this is a repost, i deleted the first version of it by accident cause im Idiot)

the entry into the grand line is such a great sequence. it feels like such an ending- a triumph after they’ve spent pretty much all of east blue struggling to make it here, and at the same time the beginning of a new adventure, the biggest yet, one that has yet to end a solid two decades later. they all look so happy to have made it here- it makes me smile.

whiskey peak is one of my very favorite short arcs, and i think of the whole first half of the baroque works saga its the one that hits and maintains a tone best (almost certainly because its so short, admittedly, but still). i love the repeated shots of the moon, the reveal that the cactuses are actually covered in graves, the way everything seems far too good to be true at the start and the sense of suspense that creates.

zoro’s extended fight scene in whiskey peak is so great- it’s so creative and so dynamic and the odds are stacked so high against him and yet he’s clearly having so much fun. i do miss this sort of scrappy, improvised fight, cause its largely absent from later one piece but its SO much fun to read- zoro cutting holes in rooftops for people to fall through or shoving ladders to the ground as bounty hunters try to climb them.

i’m a huge fan of fight scenes that use the environment to their fullest, and this is such a perfect example of it. it makes the fight feel a lot more real and exciting, in my opinion.

i’ve never liked zoro and luffy fighting at whiskey peak, its always struck me as frustrating and contrived and kind of out of character for both of them, but i will say that i do like how on the same page they are even when they’re trying to kill each other.

the entire first half of the baroque works saga basically serves to introduce and endear us to vivi so we’ll be invested in the alabasta conflict, and that starts here in whiskey peak, when we get our first glimpse of her actual personality rather than the act she was putting on as miss wednesday, when she bites her lip hard enough to bleed in order not to break down at igaram’s apparent death.

watching robin’s actions with the added context of later one piece is one of the great joys of rereading alabasta. she does a fantastic job of appearing to be crocodile’s most dedicated and capable and dangerous employee while quietly but consistently sabotaging his efforts; saving luffy, sparing pell, sparing igaram, not telling crocodile anything about the strawhats despite meeting them here at the very start of the saga.

little garden has some really cool and striking panels that really put the scale of things on the island, the dinosaurs and giants alike, into perspective, and i love it.

i’m a huge fan of the depth of in-universe lore one piece has. just having little details like this, quotes from books written in-universe, go so far towards making the world feel like a real and wondrous place with mysteries to be solved and details to be uncovered.

i still think sanji is firmly at his best when he’s being a sneaky bastard, and i will never cease to be delighted by how thoroughly he manages to fuck crocodile over with nothing but a phone and some quick thinking not once but twice.

i really like dorry and brogy! for minor characters who’ve only appeared in one relatively minor and inconsequential arc so far, they’re not only very fun and memorable but also leave a hell of an impact on the story, not only in usopp’s new dream of eventually visiting elbaf but also in how they and their crew just keep coming up, first in enies lobby and then even further down the line in dressrosa and whole cake island.

i’m really excited for when we eventually get to reach elbaf, because this plot thread has been so thoroughly and subtly built up over such a long time that i can’t wait to see how it ends.

this is one of my favorite little moments to really drive home how much the strawhats care about each other. they all fell asleep on the floor rather than leave nami alone.

the whole introductory scene to drum is a really good summary of who vivi is as a person and how she contrasts with luffy, and it’s something i’ve written extensively about in a past meta. here ill just settle for saying, vivi is chronically selfless, and always the sort of person to sacrifice herself for others, and these traits which save the strawhats here are the exact same ones that bring her and luffy to blows later on in alabasta.

a good thing to remember when writing characters is that traits aren’t really inherently good or bad, they’re just traits and can have positive or negative consequences depending on the situation, and i think oda is really good at this. vivi’s selflessness, usually a positive thing, becomes reckless self-sacrifice when she’s pushed to her breaking point.

‘kindness begets kindness’ is a pretty consistent theme throughout one piece, though luffy is most often on the other side of it. someone (rebecca, law, tama, etc.) does something for him without really expecting anything in return, and gets paid back a hundred times over. this is a case of the opposite- luffy helps someone offhandedly, and is later saved by their gratitude.

i think luffy wearing his fingers bloody as he climbs the drum rockies is the only time one piece has ever made me cringe back from the page. this sequence is absolutely brutal, and it’s so well-done.

the way luffy decides chopper should be his crewmate is precious, and also reminds me a little of his recruitment of sanji (ironically, given he’s talking to sanji about chopper here). in both cases he sees someone do something good without even really knowing the full extent of their abilities and makes a snap decision that they are awesome and are gonna be part of his crew, no matter what they have to say about it.

i really, really enjoy the way the drum island flashback is set up, with the cutaway right as luffy is about to punch wapol’s lights out. the cut back to that punch finally hitting when the flashback ends is by that point infinitely more satisfying, since you’ve just read chopper’s backstory and therefore have a deep and abiding desire to see wapol eat shit.

hiriluk’s final speech is definitely one of the best and most memorable quotes from one piece, and effectively the crux of one of its biggest themes. one piece is all about inherited will. all of our main cast and a solid percentage of the supporting cast bear the legacy of at least one forebear on their shoulders, from kuina to corazon to otohime. the entire setting of the story is defined by roger’s legacy.

all those people are dead, but they’re sure as hell not forgotten- how can they be, when their legacies are actively shaping the world as a direct result of their lives and influences?

i really, really like the use of flags in one piece. flags are how you declare loyalty or war in equal measure, and flying a pirate flag is a declaration that you’re choosing freedom, come what may, over the laws of the world government. it’s just a really excellent running motif, and a great symbol of what one piece’s definition of piracy means.

this scene is also one of the ones that gets even more extra weight behind it when you know luffy’s full backstory with sabo, which i love.

chopper’s recruitment scene sums up one of the reasons luffy is really great. he just doesn’t care about a lot of things other people would normally take notice of. occasionally that gets him in trouble, but other times it leads to him responding to a situation exactly right, like here. chopper is listing off all his insecurities and reasons he can’t go with the strawhats, and luffy just flat doesn’t care. he wants chopper on his crew and he knows chopper wants to be on his crew, so as far as he’s concerned, there’s no issue at all.

it really is wild that the will of D is named this far back in the story, and has consistently been referenced and built up ever since in very slight ways, through comments by characters like robin and corazon, and yet we still know basically nothing about it.

and a toast to a new crewmate!!

continued in the next post, which covers alabasta arc proper.

[narumi-gens]

hi!! so i just started writing fanfics, and i was just wondering -- how do you deal w/ numbers and the whole posting online thing? while i know that i should be writing for fun and stuff (bc it is!) and that im literally JUST starting out, BUT i just.. im someone who really heavily relies on validation, and when people don't really respond to my works well (or at all), i kinda just.. feel bad ): idk.. do u have any tips?

🥺 You came to me for advice on this, anon? 🥺 Thank you so much! I’m more than happy to pass on what I’ve learned and help out a new writer. I’ve been reading/writing fanfics on-and-off in some form or another for like ten years, but especially over the last four and am happy to share some tips. There are five main things that I think can help grow your follower count and the amount of feedback you get:

Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

Consider the platforms where you post.

Write for active fandoms and popular characters.

Post frequently.

Interact with other authors.

This got rather long so I have more info under the cut about each of these. 

1. Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

There’s this dumb trap that we all fall into as writers that tells us that validation isn’t important and that what matters most is our love of writing. While I enjoy writing, if my stuff got no notes and no feedback then I would definitely have gotten discouraged and quit writing awhile ago. Why would I put all that effort into something if no one seems to appreciate it? There’s nothing bad about wanting people to let you know they like your writing! I get so happy when I see someone left a comment on one of my fics or went crazy in the tags or sent me an ask. And when something doesn’t get any feedback, I get depressed about it and second guess whether I should have bothered writing it. So, definitely try not to get caught up feeling bad because you want people to tell you that they liked your work. 💕

2. Consider the platforms where you post.

I only use AO3 and Tumblr, so I can’t speak to any other platforms, but posting my writing on both of these are widely different experiences. Part of the culture of AO3 is giving kudos and leaving comments, so you’re more likely to get feedback there than anywhere else. I slowly built a following on Tumblr because of my AO3, even when I wasn’t posting anything on Tumblr itself. I would really recommend checking out AO3 if you’re not already on there! You do need to request an invitation, but it only took me a couple of days to receive one. I also have 8 invitations that I haven’t sent out, so DM me if you want one and I can give you one! 

I’m sure you’ve already seen posts about this, but the unfortunate thing about writing on Tumblr is that the feedback is absolutely minuscule and I’m not sure why. There’s this awful culture on this platform of people only liking content and not reblogging it to make sure it gets shared with other users. So, you end up really reliant on your own followers and the tagging system for your works to reach people. And the tagging system is a mixed bag. Sometimes your posts don’t show up in the tags or they will but only after a couple of days. If your post gets enough notes then it might go to the top of the search feed but then only for a few days at most. 

As a sidenote to readers, this is why reblogging is so important! Even if you only have five followers or don’t leave a comment, just reblogging it means a lot to content creators!

Here are some of the tips I have for the mechanics of Tumblr:

Use the tagging system, as imperfect as it is. I think Tumblr now reads the first 20 tags in your post, so use that to your benefit. I usually always tag at least: [character name]; [character name x reader]; [fandom]; [fandom x reader]. You can always also try things like: [character name genre], [fandom genre], [fandom fanfic], [character fanfic] as well.

Make sure your blog is easy to navigate and have a masterlist that’s easy to find. If a reader sees your content on their dash and decides to check out your other works, if they can’t find them on your blog then they’ll probably just leave.

Self-reblog as much as you feel you need to for your followers who may have missed your post. I self-reblog a lot for new content over the first couple of days and then even will do a few icymi self-reblogs later as well. It also helps to have a list in your profile somewhere of your recent updates so people can easily see if they’ve missed something. 

3. Write for active fandoms and for popular characters.

This might seem like common sense, but I think it’s something to keep in mind if you want to grow your follower count and your chances of getting feedback. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a fic over another just because you want more feedback. I actually really want to write something for Chainsaw Man but the fandom is so small compared to the other fandoms I write for that I’m putting it on hold until the anime comes out. 

That’s not to discourage you from writing for characters or fandoms that are less popular -- I have a bad habit of writing for niche characters and fandoms. But I always see my activity spike when I write for more popular characters. Another tip is to try and figure out which characters people are thirsting over but where there’s a lack of fics for them. You’ll also find that some characters or fandoms just have louder fans than others. The stuff I’ve written for Gojo has gotten a lot of likes and notes, but not so many comments or much feedback. But the amount of asks and thirsts I’ve gotten for Naoya is wild. This is something you’ll learn over time as you keep writing!

4. Post frequently. 

This one is annoying because writers have lives and real-world responsibilities and we can’t just write 24/7. But when you’re trying to build a following, even if you can do a couple of short drabbles a week, you’ll really start to see your follower count and feedback grow. I’m not sure if people tend to like longer or shorter fics more, but overall people are just hungry for content and if you can give it to them on a frequent or at least regular basis then they’re more likely to interact, especially if you’re taking requests. 

But don’t prioritize writing and posting content at the cost of your own well-being. As authors we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, but your followers will understand if you have writer’s block or you need to take a step back! Taking care of yourself is more important than getting feedback or interaction. ❤️

5. Interact with other authors. 

Building relationships with other authors is a big one, but it’s also probably the hardest because a lot of us (me included!) are just so shy about reaching out! It’s like asking someone on a date or trying to be friends with someone you really admire. I know it’s scary to come off of anon (I still sometimes send asks on anon!), but authors recognize the names we see often in our notes and in our inboxes and we’re all really nice, I promise! 🥰 And I’m much more likely to read the fics of my mutuals and the people I follow than I am to be searching through the tags.

And I think there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to an author you love and politely asking if they’ll read your work. I think it’s totally okay to send something like, “I really love your writing and wanted to know if it’s alright if I share this fic I just posted with you? I’ve seen you thirsting over [character] and think you might like it if you have the time to read it!” The worst they can do is turn you down. I would never be upset over getting an ask like that as long as it was polite and the person was understanding that I might not have time to read their fic. But, I know that this is really scary to ask of someone. I’ve only done it once or twice, so maybe I don’t have any ground to stand on here, but I really think you should try it even if you need to send the ask on anon first.

Please just be mindful of an author’s rules before reaching out.

Another added bonus is that authors are more likely to reblog and give you feedback on the stuff you write because we’re in the exact same boat as you! We’re the perfect audience. 

And don’t forget...

Growing your follower count and reaching the level of feedback you want takes time. If you’re just starting out, don’t get discouraged. The more you write, the better you get so even if you’re not getting the feedback you want now, that doesn’t meant that you never will! 

And of course, pay it back in kind. Just how you want people to interact with your fics, we want the same. I always try to leave comments on the fics I read on AO3 and always reblog the fics I like on Tumblr and try to go wild in the tags so that the author knows that I loved their works. 

I hope you found all of this useful, anon! Best of luck with your writing! 💕

[myuntoldstory]

saeran after end after thought

it took me a ducking month and some change because i had to farm hourglasses. when i started playing i kept getting the bad ends and i got so frustrated i didn’t touch the app for two weeks. i had to consult a guide to finally reach the end.

i wanted to play this because i needed to see where jihyun ended up and... well... we all know what happened there. anyway...

i have many thoughts and feelings about this ae. i don’t know if i can ever properly organise them, but i’ll put it in bullet points for now. this is my personal feelings, not any kind of fact. i have nothing against nearly anything and anyone (character or real) involved in this game. i’ll always love and appreciate them for being in this game, for creating this game, for giving us something to love for the past four or five years.

these thoughts are rather unfiltered. this is me coming out hours after finishing the ae. i might change my mind after letting it marinate for a while and after reading up some more about it.

it’s all under the cut. it’s long and rambling. there’s no need to read this, really; the ae is a month old after all, but i just needed to get this out. also, it’s salty as hell. literally saltier than the dead sea. it will dehydrate you... best to not bother with this.

also spoilers.

1. during the first playthrough the game mechanics were wonderful, novel, and immersive. but years later and for the sake of an ae? unnecessary. it’s too long. it’s too much work. i did my due when i played the game during ray’s route. why do i also have to work for something that should have been my reward? why do i still have to worry about hearts, choices, and game branches? why do i have to go through multiple endings? it’s an after end. it’s after the ending.

of course i love new content, i love more content, but not like this. and i know i sound super entitled. if i was impatient i should have justt read the wiki, but i wanted the experience, but not this specific experience. lucky it’s the pandemic and i have more time on my hands, but in normal circumstances my life is very different from what it was in 2016. i can’t be waiting for chats and making plans around it to get to the after ending. honestly i expected something like the secret ends or even similar to the style of jihyun’s ae... but no. apparently, chertiz thinks it’s fun to make us spend three and a half days to reach an AFTER END.

2. saeran choi needs love... but, in my opinion, not ours. not mc’s. the love he needs is his brother’s. the person he needs most is saeyoung choi. he’s suffered so much, endured many things no person should ever endure. of course he deserves romantic love, but i feel like he needed to recover first. that’s why after all this im firmly in the very bare, maybe even empty camp of preferring secret end saeran choi over ray route saeran choi.

3. never in my life has a game made me exhausted about the act of forgiveness. i feel a little sick. it’s terrible to say that, i know, but i am just so emotionally exhausted. there is this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry because i feel like i somehow destroyed a part of myself?

first it’s the saviour in jihyun’s ae. it’s still her in this ae. but in addition to that there’s also the prime minister? when does it stop? at this point we might as well forgive the twins’ mother too. she imprisoned her own sons to benefit from their father; beat the shit out of and starved saeran to the point that he wanted to die, but there must be a reason behind it, right? like all the villains in this game her choices are not her own; they are the product of their circumstances and we have to understand that.

i just... i understand what cheritz is trying to convey here. and granted saeyoung is not as forgiving, but this isn’t his story. it felt like the forgiveness was nearing some extreme by the end of it. i don’t think there’s anything wrong if you’e unable to forgive. if the only way for you to move forward is to not do so i feel that’s valid. as long as you’re not hurting anyone and that you’re not hurting yourself, you do whatever you need to recover. forgiving is not the only way, the noble way. not everyone’s backstory you have to understand and take into consideration in order to move on. even if they realise what they did was wrong, it’s okay not to forgive. sometimes that’s what we need to take care of ourselves.

im rambling on this point, but im going through this currently. it’s not as extreme as the choi twins or the rfa, but all my life i’ve been forgiving and understanding and it chipped away at me. even at my expense i forgave everything and it landed me in a place im struggling to get out of. i needed justice and this ae didn’t give me a bit of that... at least not in the way i needed.

4. cheritz said this is the grand finale, but... it didn’t feel like it? again this is me being entitled, but i expected something more. something bigger. something poignant because after this mystic messenger is over. i expected some kind of epilogues in the form of story modes. of course i appreciate everything the company has done, especially the efforts of the writers, artists, voice actors, and everyone, but... it’s so rushed? it such a short farewell that instead of getting catharsis and satisfaction i felt... drained. and i feel sad that it’s all over because im not ready to say goodbye and that goodbye is far too short for me.

i don’t know im just sad it’s all over.

also, the conclusion they come to is the dissolution of the rfa once everyone found their happy ending. i... this is a group that has been through some shit and that doesn’t make them closer somehow? the rfa app lies neglected and abandoned as everyone moves on with their lives? that is so... lonely? at least for me.

i mean, of course, not all endings have to be necessarily happy in the “everyone gets together once a week for dinners” kind, but i just... i dont know i expected them to be closer somehow. maybe they are. maybe outside the app they’re all closer, but... i don’t know. i feel sad they’re abandoning the app.

5. and then there’s kim jihyun.

and im... i dont know anymore. if you know me, follow me, or have read any of my fics you know im a jihyun fan. i love that man and YES i know his sins. we all do.

as i played the ae i started to hope that he’d die in the end instead of suffering through this egregious character assassination. yes, i literally preferred that he died and that i go through that pain instead of suffering whatever this is. obviously i dont want him to die, but this is like killing him anyway. they killed the essence of him, who he is as a person. hell, they probably killed him already and just installed a stranger in the ae because that v is not our v. all throughout the game he’s been kind and compassionate and selfless. his whole thing is about protecting the rfa, the mc, saving the saviour, and sacrificing himself for them. this is the idiot who gives you his hearts when you’re being actively nice to his abuser and saeran in his route. his ultimate happy ending involves everyone being happy, reunited, and given the proper mental care. he went away for two years, putting a much needed pause in your budding relationship, not only to recover from his trauma, but also to rescue saeran and help him recover too.

yes, v enabled the saviour even before another story. he lied. he put everyone in danger. he’s reckless and he keeps secrets way more than what’s natural. but he will never let any of them come to harm. my memory is fuzzy but im sure he never lets the rfa get in danger. he was devastated when yoosung got injured. he also tried to rescue seven and mc in the secret ends thats why he got shot. this guy always looks out for everyone. 

in what world is he okay with drugging the twins? making deals with the villains? the idea of trapping the twins in the saviour’s delusional, twisted family life? he’s not the type to be okay just standing there when his best friend’s life is falling apart or for even causing it. when zen, jaehee, and yoosung get backed into the corner he wouldn’t have been just idle. but in this ae all he does is play stacking chairs, buy strawberry yoghurt, and echo the saviour’s words like a puppet. he asks only mc to save herself and like... jesus christ he never gets a break. he doesn’t even get the same gesture of forgiveness everyone and their father gets. he goes through a trial and jail, which is fair enough, but he’s also a victim of abuse and suffering and despair and mental illness. but somehow because it’s v it’s okay that this is all he gets. somehow he doesn’t deserve any compassionate resolution.

literally the only time he’s happy is his route and after end and even then that happiness is not his own. even then there were concessions to be made before he could get it.

seriously. it seems like cheritz hates him. they think little to nothing of him. if that’s the case why even make content for him? he’s not even meant to be romanceable in the original stories. they could’ve just ignored the petitions and left him as a side character. i mean, i dont know if i prefer that honestly, i do appreciate the content we got, but as his fan it hurts to see all this half-hearted decisions. and to see all this hate still pouring out for him, now magnified because of this ae.

this is like a tiring odyssey, starting way back when he got shot and killed all because he loved someone. he loved the wrong person and it’s the wrong kind of love and he committed his crimes because of it. he had a hand in making the rfa and mc suffer, but still all he did was love. and i know that sounds blind and naive and ignorant and im sorry for not picking up the nuances of his relationship with the saviour, but that’s all i saw. i saw a guy loving the wrong person and it made him make all the wrong choices leading to a bad life.

gah. i am drained people. i am drained, and frustrated, and tired.

[oikirstein]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 | Kuroken | Day 1

Synopsis: Kenma has has loved his best friend, Kuroo, for a lifetime. After a misfortunate occurrence which was photographed by the media, the PR team for Bouncing Ball Corp. decide that it’s a good idea for Kenma and Kuroo to play along with the public to increase the sales of their upcoming product release. Will Kenma be able to control his emotions, or will he lose his best friend in the process?

Contains: Angst, unrequited love, fake relationship

Posted: 12/21/2020

Word count: 3,342

Haikyuu Angst Week Prompt List here.

I have been in love with Tetsuro Kuroo since I was seven years old.

I still love him—eighteen years later.

Growing up as best friends, he was never a hard person to love. He looks out for me, brought me out of my comfort zone, hell, he’s the reason why I’ve grown into who I am today. I’d never admit that to his stupid face, though.

I was seventeen when I realized my love for him was more than just platonic. He was a year older than me, so by the time I started my third year, he was already off to university. The harsh reality of the situation finally weighed heavy on me when I waited outside of his house for thirty minutes and remembered he’s not coming anymore.

He called me later that evening apologizing, although he did nothing wrong, because that’s just the type of person Kuroo was. The next week he surprised me by waiting outside my door to walk me to school.

“I miss this,” he reminisced, staring up at the sky.

“What?” I turned to him, heart racing just a little more than usual, hoping for a certain string of words to come out of his mouth.

“Walking to school like this every morning.”

They didn’t.

I don’t know what I was hoping for. Maybe I wanted him to say he missed walking with me. I’m not sure whether I’d rather hear lies or the truth. That was the day I admitted to myself that he’d be the only person for me.

Now here we are, me at 25 and him at 26 sitting in my office with my publicist yelling at us for being so reckless in public. It was a misunderstanding, really.

“How could you do that at a party where you knew there’d be press coverage?” Kata was pacing back and forth while I rested my forehead on my crossed arms that laid on the glass desk and Kuroo leaned back in his chair on the other side of the table.

“Kata,” she stopped mid-stride and turned her attention to me as I muttered, “how many times do I have to repeat myself,” I lifted my head back up, “IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK.”

Kuroo found it difficult to hold back his laugh.

“I don’t think you should be laughing, Kuroo-san. You’re in just as much trouble as Kozume-san.”

He stopped laughing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I think. It was never about what I thought. The point of my job is to make sure you look good for the public. Thats what a publicist does. Now the issue here, is that the public thinks you’re dating.”

“Okay, wow so all it takes is for me to fall, Kuroo to catch me, and some no-name photographer to snap a picture of us for us to be considered ‘dating’ now?” 

“Kozume-san if you play into this little charade, say for a couple months, just long enough for the new product to be released, sales will go up, and then you can just announce that you two called it quits.”

Was it really worth playing with my heart just to earn a quick buck? 

“No. I don’t want Kuroo to be forced to date me, that’s weird and embarrassing.” 

Kata walked forward and took a seat in the chair next to Kuroo before she leaned forward and rest her chin on her hand, “Here’s the thing Kozume-san, you two ‘dating’, doesn't even have to be real,” proud of her award-winning idea, she leaned back in her seat, arms folded across her chest, and a smug look written all over her face.

“So what you’re saying is to do this as a cash grab?” Kuroo seemed genuinely curious.

“Well somewhat. Think of it more like...fan service.”

“Hmmm...I mean if it’s a show they want then it’s a show they’ll get,” he reached over and smacked my back, “What do you say kitten? Be my scene partner?” he smirked.

Ugh. Why does he have to use those stupid nicknames that always make my heart flutter. My face was visibly cringing as i scrunched up my nose and scowled at him. He knows I could never truly refuse when it’s him.

“Fine,” I mumbled under my breath as I looked away.

Kuroo’s footsteps were light as he got up from his seat and went around the desk to sneak up behind me. He bent down and leaned in close towards my ear.

“What was that, puddin?” he whispered, his hot breath whipping through my loose strands of hair.

I jumped out of my seat and rubbed my ear with the sleeve of my jacket and he laughed his ugly, stupid, hyena laugh. 

“See! Look at that! You two aren’t even ‘dating’ and yet you have so much chemistry!” Kata said enthusiastically while clapping.

Of course we have chemistry. We’ve been best friends for eighteen years. Soulmates our whole lives. It was always easy to be around Kuroo. That’s one of the things I love about him. Why wouldn’t we have chemistry?

“Well, when you’ve been best friends with someone for like, your whole life, of course you’re gonna know exactly how to push his buttons,” his voice was breathy as he wiped tears from his eyes.

I didn’t realize it then, but I truly did sell my heart for pocket change.

A full month later was when we went out in public together as a “couple” for the first time. It was a simple brunch at a well known restaurant, but Kata made sure to anonymously tip paparazzi that we would be at that establishment. Together. It wasn’t even 30 minutes into our meal when we were bombarded with cameras.

“Today we are here with Kenma Kozume, the young CEO of Bouncing Ball Corp., and his supposed boyfriend, Tetsuro Kuroo, from the Japan Volleyball Association. Are any of you able to speak on the rumors spreading about the two of you?”

Kuroo had always been good at talking. He's been smooth with his words for as long as I could remember him. He was...a people person. The complete opposite of me, which is why we agreed that Kuroo would do most of the talking, should a camera crew show up.

He laughed, not the ugly hyena kind, it was an attractive laugh. That’s how I knew it wasn’t real.

“Well I mean we won’t confirm or deny anything right now, won’t we kitten?” he winked at me and suddenly all the attention was directed towards my direction.

Idiot. Two can play at that game.

“Im pretty sure whatever the public is thinking is probably true, hm Tetsu?”

I’ve never called him that before, so it was obvious he was shocked. Big eyes and blushy cheeks. We gave the camera exactly what it wanted.

“Is that a confirmation?” the man behind the camera was provoking us for an answer.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” he smirked before taking his chopsticks back into his hand and grabbing a plate full of beef, “Now if you gentlemen will excuse us, we’d like to continue our lunch date.”

Satisfied with the content they would now be able to work with, the cameras slowly started retreating from the scene until it was just us two again.

“Damn maybe I should’ve gone into show business,” he smirked.

“Shut up, they might still be around,” I whispered while looking down, incase we were still being watched.

“How do you know I was talking about that. I could just simply be saying that I would’ve been amazing on T.V.”

“No you wouldn’t,” I replied, monotonous voice, as I took a bite of some barbecue and rice.

“Kenma, why do you have to break my heart like this? What if I was born to be an actor?”

“Uhm I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen an actor that has the same hairstyle twenty-four seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year.”

“That’s a technicality. Why should hair define my amazing acting abilities?”

“Then I want to see you shave your head and wear a wig.”

Kuroo froze in the middle of whatever movement he was making and just stared at the grill in the middle of the table with a horrified expression written on his face.

“You know what? Maybe I wasn't meant to be an actor...”

Outings usually continued on like this. We would have little interviews with paparazzi, slowly dropping more and more hints about our “relationship,” and once they left, we’d have breakfast, lunch, or dinner, like we usually do. I suppose to any outsider it would seem as though we were on a date, but I wouldn’t allow myself to call this pitiful get together as such.

I could pretend this was real. I could tell myself that Kuroo reciprocated my feelings. I could tell myself that we were truly in a relationship. I could tell myself I have a chance, but a mere sliver of probability isn’t worth risking our friendship. 

Since I was seventeen I accepted the fact that I’d be happy as long as he was in my life. I mean, he’d still smile the same. He’d still laugh the same. He’d still love me... 

I’m supposed to be content with what I have. It’s either we stay as best friends, or we go on as strangers, and I’d rather avoid the latter. So why do I feel such a tightness in my chest whenever we’re forced to go out together? Why do I feel so selfish for wanting more?

Two months went by until we had to make an actual appearance together at a party. Me under Kuroo’s arm like some sort of bittersweet candy. 

He was always good at reading people—especially me. Which is why he pulled me aside before we walked into the huge rental house. The only reason I agreed to show up was because it was Shoyo’s team celebrating their win against some team who’s name I can’t remember.

“You okay Ken?” he rested both hands on my shoulders with my back against the wall.

“Yeah, I just need a second.”

I never did like big crowds.

After taking a few minutes to breathe before submitting myself to the abyss of rowdy adrenaline-high athletes, Kuroo took my hand in his as we walked through the front doors together. It was warm. Like my fingers were molded to fit perfectly into his palm. Must’ve been why I felt so cold when he let my hand go.

As soon as the camera flashed and Bokuto called him from the other side of the room, he whispered an “I’ll be back kitten,” before joining the beefy player by the bar. 

I guess I’ll go find Shoyo.

It wasn’t long until I saw a bush of bright orange bobbing up and down through a sea of people.

“Shoyo!”

“Kenma!”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Thank you! I wouldn’t want to disappoint my sponsor,” he winked, “Do you want to step outside? It’s a little loud in here.”

Whether he means to or not, Shoyo’s always been good at making sure people feel comfortable.

“Uhm, Shoyo?” I grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged a little to get his attention.

“What’s up?” he practically had to yell over the loud music and the incessant yelling of the surrounding people.

“Can we get a beer first?”

A smile spread across his face, “Of course, just wait for me by the fire outside.”

I followed his instructions and sat in one of the red lawn chairs that snaked around the circular bonfire.

“How’ve you been?” the ginger said while handing me an opened beer and sitting in the chair next to me.

“I’ve been alright. Things are running smoothly for the product release—”

“I didn't ask about how work was, Kenma,” he interrupted, “How are you?”

“Oh. Uhm...I’m keeping it together.”

He leaned back in the plastic chair and took a sip from his drink, “So you and Kuroo-san, huh?”

I looked around to make sure no one was near us. I could never lie to Shoyo.

“Barely,” I mumbled as I, myself, took a big gulp.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s an act. All because of a misunderstanding from a few months ago.”

“Well did you have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“That's unfortunate. I thought you would’ve told him how you felt by now.”

“Wait- what do you mean ‘how I felt?’ You knew?”

“I may not be that bright, but I have eyes, Kenma. I can see the way your eyes gloss over when he calls you one of those cute pet names, or the way your cheeks redden when he does that weird laugh at your jokes.”

“Hmm... You’re more observant than I thought, Sho.”

“So why haven’t you told him?”

Just thinking about confessing scared the shit out of me. All I can imagine is the disgusted look on his face when I tell him. The scenario plays over and over again in my head—the one where he walks away and fades into the background. I don’t know when I started crying, but I had only realized it when I heard the glass of Shoyo’s bottle tap the ground.

“What’s wrong?”

I wiped the hot tears from my cheeks with my wrist.

“I guess I just love him too much to lose him.”

Two weeks after that party, we had another meeting at the office.

“This has been going great so far!” Kata exclaimed, obviously proud of her idea, “Have you ever thought of being an actor?” she teased Kuroo.

“See! That’s what I’ve been telling Kenma, but apparently my untamable hair is standing in the way between me and fame.”

“You’re already all over the news, idiot.”

“And all thanks to my little kitten,” he walked over to my seat behind my desk and peppered my cheek in kisses.

“We’re not in public, you can stop acting all lovey dovey,” I spat. I didn’t even think about my words until Kata’s effervescent expression changed into a state of confused shock. She wasn’t sure how she should react to my outburst.

“W-what? It’s all fun and games, Ken,” Kuroo was taken aback by my response as well, but he hid it much better than my publicist.

“It always is with you,” I got up and walked out of office. I couldn't take it anymore. All this pretending and toying with my heart. I felt bad for blaming it all on Kuroo, when he couldn’t have possibly known about my feelings, but it was easier to blame him for my pain than to admit to myself that I’m a coward. 

I rounded the corner and continued on my way to the vending machine to get an energy drink. Those always seemed to put me in a better mood.

Kuroo knew me well. Who wouldn’t after eighteen years? That’s probably why he knew exactly where to find me.

“What the hell was that, Kenma?”

I pulled up the tab of the can and let the hiss of carbonation fizzle out before I took a sip and leaned against the wall.

“What was what?” 

“You’re little scene in there? What’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’re lying to me.”

 I looked off to the side, my eyes scanning every row in the vending machine, “I just think it’s time to call quits on this charade we have going on,” I responded dryly.

“Huh? Why? It’s only a couple more weeks until the release. Why end it now?”

“I’m tired, Kuroo. I don’t want to have to pretend all the time anymore.”

I was never an emotional person, so I knew that in this moment Kuroo knew something catastrophic was going on inside my head, for me to put myself before the potential success of the company.

“It’s just for a little while longer and then we can go back to normal, okay? Can you just hold out until then?”

“No. You’re not listening to me. Why the hell do you want to keep doing this. This doesn’t benefit you in the slightest.”

“Because I love you,” my heart rate went up at these words although I knew he didn’t mean them in the way I wish he did, “You’re my best friend and I want to see you thrive.”

“Why are you always putting yourself on the line for me?”

“Putting myself on the line? What are you—”

“I’m so selfish! And then you over here,” I rolled my eyes at him before kicking my weight off the wall, “You constantly give but you never take!”

“I don’t see the issue with that.”

“You’re too good for me,” I looked to the ground because I knew that if I looked up into his gorgeous hazel eyes, I would definitely cry. 

“That’s not true—”

“Yes it is and you know it,” my voice was on the verge of cracking from how tired I was from arguing.

“You know what? You look like you need some space. Think about things okay? I’m only a phone call away. I’ll see you at the launch party,” he walked away.

The day of the launch party was a bore. Just a bunch of business men in suits and the growing anxiety in the pit of my stomach, for Kuroo had yet to show up like he promised. 

It was half-past twelve when I stepped outside the venue to get some fresh air. The second I opened the doors was when I saw him pacing back and forth, deep in thought.

“Kuroo?”

“Kenma! I’m so sorry about what happened a few weeks ago—”

I did nothing but hugged him like I was going to lose him.

“Why are you apologizing? I was the one that had a tantrum.”

“Well you’re not the only one that got mad.”

“Let’s go for a walk?”

He nodded and draped his heavy arm over my shoulder before he took another step.

“Well so far sales have been good. Almost linear.”

“I’m glad I was able to help. So this is the end, huh?”

We both stopped in the middle of the side walk. I didn’t want it to end. The handholding, the hugs, the camera kisses. I wanted all of it. I so badly wanted all of it to be real. Maybe it’s because I spent half the night drinking, or maybe it’s because his midnight hair ricocheted the moonlight ever so perfectly, that I felt a courage rush through me like never before.

“Why does it have to end?”

“Didn’t you say like three weeks ago that you wanted to end our little ‘relationship?’”

“I don’t mean it like that. I mean,” I unwrapped myself from his limb and stepped in front of him, “I’m in love with you, Tetsu. I have been for eighteen years.”

A piece of my heart cracked when he took a step back, face pale, and eyes widened.

“What?”

I wanted to take a step forward, but for some reason, my feet were glued to the ground.

“I love you.”

He smiled assuringly before he laughed to lighten the air. The same type of laugh he’s used to fool reporters. 

“You’re my best friend, Kenma.”

“I know. I’ll never be more than that, right?”

“You know I love you,” I wouldn’t dare get my hopes up again at those words, “You’re like a little brother to me.”

Damn. Is this what it feels like for my heart to be so irreparably shattered? Physical pain spread from my chest throughout my body. To the tips of fingers and toes.

“I—” he started, before giving you that diabetes inducing smile, “I should go.”

I watched him walk away. It was a vision from my worst nightmare. When did it all change? Is this what my selfishness was bound to lead to?

What was supposed to be a simple marketing tactic, turned out to be a fate worse than death. I was heartbroken to think he was my soulmate, but I wasn’t his.

© all content [unless stated otherwise] belongs to gellysticks 2020. do not modify or repost.

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

[sir-adrien-swagreste]

Shipping with Myself - A ML Fanfic

(Based on the following post: <Click Here> )

It was a normal Akumaless day in Paris. Adrien Agreste was busy practicing the Piano when he was talking to Plagg about the possibilities of someone discovering his Identity as Chat Noir.

“Hey Plagg, do you think there’s anyone who thought about me being Chat Noir?”

“Kid, if that happened that reporter girl from your school would be on top of it ASAP. You’re good kid.”

“I don’t know....Oh I know! Let’s search online and see if anyone has tried to search up my and Chat Noir.”

Adrien goes to his computer at his desk and searches “Adrien Agreste Chat Noir”. The results were a little shocking for him as he got 1,000+ results. The first link brought him to a Fanfiction called “A Chatastic Night”. Curious, he clicked onto the link to see what it was about. As he began to read it, he couldn’t help but be impressed with how well the Author nailed Chat Noir & all of his Puns. Unfortunately for our Sunshine, his intrigue was going to shift to pure shock.

“Ok, I’m just getting out of the Shower when Chat arrived.....wait why does Chat have a Red Rose in his Mouth?”

Plagg is watching his child read this clearly lewd Fanfic while trying not to laugh & is kinda curious to see how far it goes.

“Chat walks towards the partially dressed Model and begins to undress himself as he grabs the Chatastic Model & gives him a passionate kiss. Chat then grabbed the towel wrapped around Adrien and....”

“OH MY GOD!!!!” Adrien shouted!

“Bwahahahahaha oh my god!” Keep reading! I got to hear how this goes! Let’s see “Adrien then grabbed Chats tail and pulled it off while whispering in his Ear “Purr for Daddy”. Kid.....this is Unreal! Also this has been read by 50,000 + people”

“PLAGG SHUT UP!!! OMG OMG OMG! Ok it’s no big deal. I just have to close the page, clear my history & no one will ever...”

“Adrien? I heard you scream. Is everything ok”

Adrien stopped in his tracks immediately. It was Ladybug. She was standing just outside his window. She walked into see how Adrien was doing while also trying to stay calm as she was I her crushes room.

“M’L..I mean Ladybug! I’m rood..I mean I’m good. I just uhhh stubbed my toe. That’s all. No worries here.”

Ladybug sign in relief. “Glad to hear it. I thought that maybe an Akuma showed up or something. I’m glad to see that you’re so fine..I mean that you are okay. I better....”

Ladybug paused as if she was in deep thought. Adrien was curious to see if she was ok when he realized that she was looking at his computer screen. With a Raunchy Chat Noir X Adrien Agreste Fanfic open on his screen. Adrien suddenly began to panic.

“LADYBUGITSNOTWHATITLOOKSLIKE!! I-I-I-I Just found the link by accident. I wasn’t reading this becau..”

Ladybug was about as red as her costume. Unable to know what to say she bolted out of the window screaming that she had to run! Adrien fell over in defeat and anguish. Not only does his Lasy think he likes someone else, but it a guy and more importantly it’s himself! Plagg came out of hiding u able to hold it in any longer.

“OH MY ME!! THIS IS TOO MUCH!! THIS IS ALMOST BETTER THEN CAMEMBERT!!”

Adrien proceeded to hide himself under his pillow and remained in his room for the rest of the day.

——————————————————————————

Meanwhile, Ladybug silently arrived home and transformed back into her civilian form and was about to follow suit and crawled into bed hugging a pillow while screaming.

“Marinette? Are you okay?” Asked Tikki

“Ok? OK?!? NOO!! I’m not okay!! Adrien is in love with Chat Noir!!”

Marinette began to tear up. Marinette reaches out to her laptop and began typing onto it. The page brought her to a website with the User “The Y-Bug”. In the links of things on the users page included a certain link. A link to a Fanfic by that very Author. The link was to none other then “A Chatastic Night”.

“Why did I have to make that stupid Fanfic?!? What if Adrien finds out that I wrote that?!?”

Tikki attempted to comfort her Master while also trying to figure out why Adrien was on that page to begin with since she knows Chat & Adrien are one and the same.

——————————————————————————

Several days pasted and Adrien was not to be seen in school at all. Apparently he was sick and was unable to come to school. Everyone was concerned, but Marinette was panicking since she thinks it was because of what happened.

When she went home she immediately walked up to her room and sat by her computer to quickly get all of her work done and retire early for the night.

“Ugh! This is the worst!”

Suddenly she heard a ping come from her computer. Apparently it was from a User from the Fanfiction site who went by “SwagChat”. They claimed that their Agreste/Noir Fic was really well made & had sent them a link to a Fanfic of their own. Trying to get her mind off of what happened, she decided to give it a read. Maybe this would help make her feel better.

The title of the Fic was called “A Spotty Situation”. It stared Ladybug as the Main Character & went through the Adventures between her and Chat Noir. Seeing this helped put a smile on her face. She was also impressed that the Author has her character down to a T.

“Whoever this is must be a real big Ladybug Fan.”

She continued reading the Fanfic. Apparently the Ladybug in this wanted to find herself a new style for her Super Suit but was having dificulties getting ideas. Ladybug then mentions one of the people she once saved who she knew was also a Rising Star in the Fashion World. The person she was going to was none other then Paris’ own, Mari eye Dupain Cheng.

“....Marinette?!? That’s me!!! Why am I in this. Also Rising Star?!?”

Marinette was both shocked and also flattered that whoever wrote this thought so highly of her. As Marinette continued to read the fanfic, Tikki was listening and reading from behind. Tikki was also curious as to how this individual knew her and Ladybug so well. This is when a sudden thought dawned onto her.

“No way.....it couldn’t be....”

In the fanfic Ladybug & Marinette apparently became fast friends. Marinette happily helped Ladybug come up with ideas for a new style for her Suit. Marinette asked Ladybug if she could take a few measurements & Ladybug allowed. As Marinette was taking Ladybug’s Measurement, she accidentally tripped and fell on top of Ladybug.

“OMG Ladybug, I’m so sorry are you al..”

Marinette stopped as her eyes suddenly locked with Ladybug. Both were silent, both of their hearts began to race and both started to get a little Red in the face.

“It’s...ok. Uhh....I....I....”

A shout can’t from outside. Soulds like there was an Akuma Attack going on. Ladybug quickly collected her thoughts as she and Marinette got up and Ladybug prepared to leave. Before she left, Marinette called out to her.

“Ummm will.....will I see you again Ladybug?”

Ladybug began to blush just as Marinette had.

“Of...of course. Can’t wait to see you again!”

Ladybug then left in order to stop the Akuma that was reeking havoc.

Marinette still red in the face with her heart feeling like it was going to leap out of her chest.

“See you soon.” A soft smile appeared as she said this. End of First chapter of “A Spotty Situation”.

—————————————————————————-

Marinette just finished reading this with a face so red it put her Ladybug Suit to shame.

“What The Hell Is This?!? Why is there a Marinette x Ladybug Fanfic here. And Who The Hell is SwagChat?!? OMG I swear if this is Chat, I will kick his fine ass!! But even if this was him it’s not like he’d know that this was my user.”

Tikki remained silent. (“Well you’re not incorrect.” “Plagg, this was your idea! I’m sure of it! When I see you, we will have words!”)

——————————————————————————

Meanwhile at the Agretes Mansion, Adrien was sitting at his desk in his pajamas with a flush face. In truth he was actually a little under the weather although that didn’t make him guilt free. Not long before, he had just finished Writting the first part of a MariBug Fanfic. “Why did he choose Marinette?” To him, she was his everyday Ladybug. It felt somewhat fitting to use her. Plus she knew Ladybug and Chat Noir so it wasn’t too far fetched. He just hoped she’d never see this or find out he wrote it. He couldn’t imagine how she’d react if she found out one of her Best Friends was writing a fanfic where they pair her with Ladybug.

Plagg is currently eating Cheese while thinking to himself “Oh kid, if only you knew!”

*Ping*

Adrien looked over to his computer and saw that he just got a IM from the user “The Y-Bug”. Y-Bug?!? Wait wasn’t that the one I sent the link to? They read it already? Let’s see.

“SwagChat. First off thank you for your comments about my fanfic. I was surprised when you sent over this link & even more so after I read it. What inspired you to write it?”

Adrien was nervous since he didn’t want to reveal too much & also wanted to respond so they didn’t try to inquire more about him and possibly find out that he was Adrien or worse Chat Noir.

“Hello Bug. I guess my inspiration was a few things. First was your Fanfic. As for the second.....I....Actually am somewhat farmiliar with both Ladybug & Marinette. I’ve been a fan of Ladybug since her debut and as for Marinette....well I’ve a fan of some of her work. She’s a new Self Designer but if you asked me, she could even give Gabriel Agreste a run for his money. I really admire her so when I think of two girls in my life as a Pairing, it kinda make me feel....happy.”

Marinette fell silent. Whoever this person is, they must really know her well to think so highly of her. Both of her. Despite being pissed earlier, she couldn’t help but feel happy. She then wondered if she knew this user and tried to see if she could get them to reveal anything about themselves.

“Nice try, Bug. Can’t do that. Cats got my tongue. Though maybe if we can chat some more maybe I’ll feel more comfortable seeing you in person. Afterall, it sounds like you also live in Paris so maybe we will bump into each other. Can’t help but be curious about who made this Fic. Chat out.”

Marinette was half convinced at this point.

“It’s Chat! I’m sure of it! He saw my post and is trying to get back at me by making this post.”

Tikki decided to jump in.

“If it is him....are you upset?”

“At first I was, but now....I can’t help but find myself smiling. Oh No! Am I falling for Chat now? Speaking of there’s still the Adrien/Chat situation. Ugh...what do I do?”

——————————————————————————

Adrien just finished loggin off his computer when Plagg landed onto his head to talk about “Y-Bug”.

“So kid.....how do you feel?”

Adrien was silent for a second.

“I’m...okay Plagg. Y-Bug really wanted to know who I was. Can’t help but wonder if she suspects anything. Also.....”

“Also?”

“I feel like I know them somehow. I don’t know why but I just have this feeling that I know who the Author is but I can’t put my finger on it...”

Plagg sighs as he begins to think to himself.

“Good thing I flew over to Marinette’s house the other day to see if my hunch was right. It’s also good that Adrien was sick sleeping all day yesterday so he didn’t realize where I went. After this, I’m getting tired of waiting for these two to figure it out. I hope my plan to hook these two up somehow using these “Fanfics” of theirs works. I guess only time will tell.”

Hope you all liked this.

Tags: @buggachat for starting this, @gale-of-the-nomads for inspiring this particular idea, and also @masked-bixch since I usually tag you in posts like this.

[cosmosrival]

there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!

WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce. 

and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!

i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!

with that said, let’s go!!

kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.

i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL  at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him 

since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY

this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel 

this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later ! here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...

they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)

kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift

SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love.... 

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???

I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above ! 

“You know very well how servants work.”

KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!

Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !). 

they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!! 

OK next

TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.

THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.

well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere. 

anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!

exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse. 

I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !! 

hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!! 

ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job.  But they’re not detached from their role. And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote:  “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )

... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix. 

Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this). 

i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.

OH YEAH

i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!

.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.

further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!

(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears

this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing. 

But was it really relief ... ?

... IT WASNT.

AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs

ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!

...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)

ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!

u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!

CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...

of what they say here. 

and here !! 

ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!

this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.

everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3 

ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...

..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross

[uniformbravo]

having a full on existential crisis over an episode of anime i watched tonight

it all started with big time rush

in 2009 a sitcom called big time rush aired for the first time on nickelodeon; it was about a group of four teenaged boys from minnesota who move to hollywood under a famous producer to become his next big boy band sensation. a simple premise, launched into unprecedented success, resulting in four seasons of musical shenanigans, three full music albums, and three big concert tours, including international shows. the band, both fictional and real life, featured four attractive young men by the names of kendall, james, carlos, and logan. they quickly gained a fan base of mostly teenage girls, which resulted in online spaces created for the purpose of sharing their passion, and as is common in such online communities, this certainly involved fanfiction- lots of it.

enter me, a teen in high school who loved to write fanfiction. my big time journey began the day my younger sister decided to put on the show big time rush in the living room, where i sat at the family computer typing away. the noise caught my attention, and i got sucked into the episode. there was a boy wearing a dress on the screen. i became interested.

i watched more of the show. i typed its name into the search bar on the website fanfiction dot net. i had a friend at school who shared my interest in fanfiction, particularly of the slash variety. i introduced her to this new show i had been watching. she shared a fanfic she had enjoyed immensely with me. we dragged each other into the world of big time rush fanfiction reading and writing.

it took over my life; i lived and breathed big time rush. i began posting my own stories to fanfiction dot net. i received positive feedback; i met people. i made friends- two people in particular who became very close friends. we communicated through ffn’s private messaging system, then through email. we talked every day, we wrote stories for and with each other, we exchanged phone numbers. it was one of these friends who introduced me to the website called tumblr, where fellow fans of our beloved big time rush gathered and talked about it- a community.

it was a slow start- this website was new and unfamiliar to me- but eventually i got the hang of things and settled into my niche. i had fun, gained followers, met even more people. tumblr was a place not only for sharing one singular interest, but for accumulating all of your various interests and celebrating them in one place. it was through this aspect that i first learned of the up and coming band known as one direction.

they had released their first smash hit single and everyone was talking about it. i was wary, far too loyal to my beloved big time rush- but eventually i started to feel left out and in an effort to feel included, i decided to take the plunge and see what this “1d” was all about. it was intimidating, though- there was so much information, and no apparent beginner’s guide to tell me where to start. this drove me to making a post calling for a “one direction buddy” to take this role, to introduce me to all the most important aspects of this band. and my call was answered.

enter my wonderful friend cam, a follower of mine at the time. they were into both big time rush and one direction and were eager to provide me with all the information needed to get into 1d. while ultimately this venture didn’t amount to anything, as i lost interest in becoming a fan, my friendship with cam persisted and we grew very close. even as time went on and big time rush faded into the background to be replaced with newer, fresher interests, and our paths as fellow fandom members split, we kept in contact and remained friends. years and years of fandoms, years and years of friendship.

in the midst of the tenth year, cam developed a new interest, in a sport called ice hockey. as is tradition, they shared their passion with me, showing me their favorite team, highlighting their favorite members. we watched a game together. personally, i’ve never been one for sports, but i am quite into anime, which consists of many genres, including the “sports” genre. one in particular that i’ve enjoyed immensely in the past is the volleyball anime, haikyuu!!. this anime devotes a lot of time to explaining and depicting the sport in a way that makes it easy for any viewer to understand the rules and inner workings of volleyball. it’s exciting. it’s the first time i’ve ever even adjacently been invested in a sport. one could even call it a gateway into the world of sports.

all this to say, when i watched that game of ice hockey with cam, the same parts of my brain that loved haikyuu!! lit up and in a classic display of my specific brand of interest, i found myself yearning for the epic highs and lows of ice hockey, but in an animated format. an animated format originating in japan. a japanese animation. an anime. my curiosity burned a hole in my brain that resulted in a combination of the google search bar and the words, “hockey anime”.

to my disappointment, i found nothing- at least, not to the degree i was hoping. there is an upcoming anime, slated to air in the fall 2021 anime season, about a group of girls who form an ice hockey team together- as it is an original project rather than an adaptation, it remains to be seen whether the anime will fall into the category of “sports anime,” or if indeed it will lean much more closely to the “moe” genre. the latter is not what i had in mind during that particular search.

adding the anime called “pride of orange” to my “plan to watch” list on myanimelist dot com, i moved onto the next result: an article about an early 2010’s anime i had never heard of before. while not about the sport i was looking for, it featured a character whose signature weapon was a field hockey stick. it wasn’t even the right sport. it was a weak, insignificant link, but all was not lost.

i happen to have an affinity for watching anime i happen upon completely by random and know little to nothing about; i found the movie “anthem of the heart” purely coincidentally, when i searched the name “jun” as part of some research for one of my original characters and discovered that it was the main character of said movie, which i then watched and ended up enjoying quite a lot. another time, when i was at best buy one day i happened upon a dvd on their dedicated anime shelf for a movie called “hana and alice”, which i had never heard of before. i liked the box art, so i took a picture of it to remember the title and watched it on my own later that week; it became one of my favorite movies.

with these and other similar experiences in mind, i saved the anime in my “plan to watch” list, and, later that same week, began my watch of “sket dance.”

it’s a school comedy anime, one of my favorite genres, so it’s no surprise that after overcoming the initial skepticism i carry into every new show i watch it quickly became my new fixation. not an obsession, but something i was pleasantly surprised to find consistently enjoyable. the characters are fun, the humor is tight and fresh, and the stories are unexpectedly touching at the right moments. everything i like to see.

which brings us to tonight. the culmination of this ten plus year string of events and occurrences. getting into big time rush. joining tumblr. meeting cam. watching anime. searching for hockey anime.

i put down my apple(TM) pencil. i set my ipad aside. i downsized the ebook window i’d been referencing. i stretched; i was hungry and tired. i’d been rereading passages of various animorphs books all day. i needed a break. i needed to sit back with some food and an episode of my latest comfort watch, sket dance. it’d be nice to set the dramatic, tragic world of animorphs aside for something lighthearted and fun in its place.

well.

i sat down with my bowl of strawberries and played the episode. it finished. i watched another. this one broke the formula a bit, played with the art style. i was into it. the preview for the next episode was mysteriously blank, and short, stating only the title. it was intriguing. i’m down for the show to get a bit more serious for an episode, i thought. i’m down for some potential backstory for one of the main three. i’m ready.

i was not ready.

bruh.

b r u h .

next two episodes proceeded to take me out back and beat me to within an inch of my life, slowly at first and then all at once. barely made it out alive. questioning everything. how can a show, so silly and goofy, do that, to me. how could i let my guard down like that. how could i be so tricked, and deceived, and blindsided like this. i don’t know who to trust. i don’t know if i can trust again. whiplash so damaging, permanent. i thought i wanted answers. i thought i wanted to know backstory. i didn’t want this. i never wanted this. emptiness

how did it come to this, these twelve years of my life. had i known back then, would i have posted that fanfiction? would i have joined tumblr? would i have sook out a “one direction buddy”? a hollow husk of a person, i am left with only my thoughts to ponder this small history of mine. the things i could have done differently. the things others could have done differently. all these butterfly effect moments, adding up to what? culminating in what? it’s 2:26 am and i’m writing an essay on how shook i am over that episode instead of going to sleep. but i can’t just say nothing, you know? i need to put something out there, reach deep enough within myself to find the thing that’s still there, broken and huddled and tiny as it is. i need to feel some semblance of the self again. the me from before i watched this episode. the innocent version of myself, blissful in ignorance. it’s too late now.

that episode…………..was fucked up. that was seriously fucked up. im not okay bro they really just came in left field and slapped that in my face expecting me to get up and walk away just fine afterwards like No that isn’t how this Works y’all need to bundle some therapy sessions with ur episodes pullin that shit come ON

exhaustion is taking over the shock, i am simply tired now. i will fall asleep and when i wake up sket dance will be a happy fun show again with NO fucked up backstories ever Or Else. i’m fucking serious right now i’m gonna count to 3 and that shit better be retconned when i turn around,

screams

thank you

[illfoandillfie]

Ch-Ch-Changes

Horror Movie (Right There On My TV)

Request:  hi there! i feel weird requesting a sequel to this one since it’s so recent, but i loved it so much and i love your celebration so: do you think you could do more in the Horror Movie (Right There On My TV) universe? maybe a sequel where they’re all settling into the more serious/newer aspects of the relationship, or ben and reader missing joe when he has to go back… or literally anything lol it was so perfect and i’m so starved for bxrxj content and the way you wrote them was so perfect!!

Pairing: Ben Hardy x F!Reader x Joe Mazzello

Warnings: Angst city my dudes, implied sex, one mention of daddy kink but nothing explicit, it’s really just new relationship woes and adjustments.

Words: 7851

A/N: Written for my 1000 Follower Celebration . I was so so glad to get a request for more bxrxj because I just adored writing them but I wasn’t sure what to do with them next. Halfway through plotting out this one I came up with a concept for a third part as well so, keep an eye out for that lmao

Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor   @ezmina98  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor  @hannafuckingsucks  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely

@mrbenhardys @sitonmyhot-seatoflove​

It was quiet when you woke, the morning air crisp and still though you felt overly warm from where you lay between the two boys. Your boys. The previous night’s confession came back to you along with the sore muscles and satisfaction left over from the reward you’d earned. Carefully, so as not to wake either of them, you disentangled yourself and scooted out of bed. It was while you were in the kitchen making coffee that Ben emerged, hair mussed and eyes still scrunched up against the morning light.  “Morning,” you said softly, unable to keep the smile from your face, “you want one?”  “Please,” he pushed his hair out of his face as he looked at you, “you beat me to it.”  “The coffee?”  “No, last night. The thing you said,”  “The whole I love you thing?”  “You meant it right? Because I was- that’s what I was trying to say when Joe was off looking for the blindfold but I-I wasn’t…I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it. In case you didn’t.”  “I meant it, Ben.”  “Okay good,” he sighed in relief as he accepted the mug you were handing him, dropping a peck to your lips as he did.  “D’you think Joe meant it too?” you hadn’t thought anything of it last night but you were hit by a sudden pang of worry, “It wasn’t just because he was caught up in the moment or anything like that?”  “He meant it. Me and him stayed up talking a bit last night, after you fell asleep. Said he’d been wanting to say it for a while but didn’t want to ruin things if we weren’t on the same page. The only question now is, what does it mean for all of us?”  “I don’t know. Guess I didn’t really think this part through.”  Ben hummed as both of you took a sip from your respective mugs, thinking things over.   “Well, we’ve never really labelled anything before, right? Do we have to start now?”  “I s’pose not,” he still looked concerned.  “Unless you or Joe want to, what’s wrong?”  Ben bit his lip and then took another sip of coffee, stalling, “Do you think this could be a bad idea?”  “You mean the three of us being together?”  “Yeah. I don’t know I’ve just… I’ve had my concerns for a little while. Nothing serious just, like, a couple things in the back of my head. But if this is going to be a real thing now then they become real concerns.”  “What sort of concerns?”  “Well, with me and Joe being actors, like,” he paused and sighed, “Bo Rhap took off and it’s opened a lot of doors for us both, 6 Underground and this thing joe’s working on and everything else, and that’s great but it also means we’re getting a bit more attention than before and I know we don’t have to label anything but if the press got hold of it they would and they’d probably spin it into something weird or bad. And then on the other hand there’s fans and stuff and that could end up with all of us getting unwanted messages that are either really negative or proclaiming us as some sort of representation we aren’t necessarily aiming to be. And I know me and Joe have made our peace with living in the limelight and having people be constantly interested in our personal lives, you don’t get into Hollywood without thinking about it at least a little. But you didn’t. I don’t want this to backfire and get you caught up in something we can’t control. What happens if someone hacks our phones and finds our messages? Or if we go visit Joe in the US and the paparazzi get photos of you kissing both of us or something like that?”  “Neither of you are quite that famous,”  “I’m serious, Y/N. There’s a big-” Ben stopped and looked towards the doorway as Joe joined you.  “Couldn’t wait for me?” he said as he made his way to the bench, pulling down his own mug from the cupboard.  “Sorry. Mostly just been filling Y/N in on what we talked about last night. The,” Ben pointedly looked back at you, “big risks involved.”  “And I’m trying to tell Ben the risks aren’t as big as he’s worried they are.”  “Y/N, come on,”  “Joe can you back me up?”  “Awww our first argument,” Joe laughed until he turned and caught sight of Ben’s face, “fine. Y/N, I’m sorry but I gotta agree with Ben here. There are definite risks and we need to discuss them.”  “I’m not saying there isn’t. I just think you’re making mountains out of molehills. Also it’s unfair that you’re both teaming up against me on this.”  “Thought you liked being double teamed? Joe wiggled his eyebrows at you, earning a laugh from you and an eyeroll from Ben.   “Look,” you said softly, “Joe’s only here for a little while longer. Paparazzi aren’t a problem for us right now. Let’s just try this and see how it goes okay? We can play it by ear and work out all the kinks as we go. Don’t.” you held a finger up at Joe whose mouth had opened at the word kink.  “I wasn’t going to!” he protested as he took the seat between you and Ben.  “You absolutely were.”  “Oh for fucks sake you two, can you at least pretend to be interested in this conversation?”  Joe sighed and patted the back of Ben’s hand, “okay I’m taking it seriously, I promise.”  “Good, now explain to Y/N why this could go bad because apparently she won’t listen to me.”  “I am listening Ben, I just don’t understand why you’re being so pessimistic about it all.”  “I don’t think he’s being pessimistic,” Joe cut in, “you have to admit this isn’t the easiest situation in the world and it’d be unrealistic to expect everything to be smooth sailing. Not just from a we’re-working-in-an-often-intrusive-and-voyeuristic-industry way but also because I think it’s safe to say none of us have ever dated two people at once before.”  Ben opened his mouth but Joe cut him off.  “I mean two people who know about each other.”  “Pretty sure it’s called a throuple,” you shrugged, earning a chuckle from Joe and a reluctant laugh from Ben.  “Well, whatever it’s called,” Joe continued, “it’s probably going to take some getting used to.”  “Okay but isn’t that every relationship?”  “You really want to go through with this? Even with…everything. The press, the fans, explaining it to our families and friends, the fact that Joe lives in another country? There’s a lot that could go wrong without even taking into consideration normal new relationship shit, and this is your chance to decide if it’s too much and back out.”  “I think you’re forgetting I’m the one who had the balls to verbally admit how I was feeling first. I’m not backing out.”  Ben’s eyes met yours and he nodded, seemingly persuaded, “Okay then, as long as we all know what we’re getting ourselves into. Is it horrible of me to suggest we come up with some…I don’t wanna say rules but like just something so we can guarantee this stays between us until we’re ready to be open about it.”  “What sort of non-rules?”  Ben smiled at the word, “I don’t know. Maybe um, no PDAs? And that includes holding hands and stuff as well as kissing.”  “I can do that,” you said with a nod, “never been hugely into PDAs anyway.”  “Yeah, makes sense not to,” Joe said, “Though Ben if anyone’s gonna struggle with it, it’ll be you. So very clingy,”  “I’m not clingy.”  “If you say so. I know this probably goes without saying but, since we’re talking about it, I don’t think we should tell anyone until we are all in agreement that it feels right, if even one of us is unsure then it stays secret. And that includes telling our families. Even if they keep offering to set you up with someone or things like that.”  “Your mum still going on about that friend’s daughter?”  “Yes,” Joe sighed, “But I’m going to keep putting up with it for the sake of you two. Anything else?”  “Maybe,” you ventured, “Maybe keep each other off our insta feeds and other social media. I mean, you two can post whatever you want and it probably won’t matter, but I think it’d be best to keep me out of it so that people don’t start speculating.”  “Yeah, okay, that’s easy. Is that everything?”  “I think so, yeah. S’pose we just see how it goes and figure things out.”  “Okay. So what happens next?”  There was silence as you all looked at each other and then Joe piped up, “Celebratory date night?” 

After some discussion you landed on dinner at a restaurant you’d gone to together when Joe first came to visit. Ben called to make a reservation and that night, after a day mostly spent lazing around the house and relishing each other’s company and your mutual happiness, you got dressed up and hit the town.   “You look stunning,” Joe said, eyes taking in the elegant dress you’d chosen and the heels that bumped your already tall frame just a smidge higher over his and Ben’s heads.  “You scrub up pretty well yourself,” you adjusted his collar as you spoke, fingers brushing lightly over his neck, before reaching for your coat.  “Allow me,” he said softly and then, much louder, “Ben, you ready?”  There was a muffled noise from the bathroom in reply.  “I swear if he’s still styling his hair.”  “I heard that,” Ben held up a finger, pointing it at Joe as he came towards you.  “Love when he gets all stern like that,” you nudged Joe’s shoulder.  Ben stuck his tongue out at you both sending you into a fit of giggles, “Dorks,” he laughed as led you out to the car.  

The drive itself was fun, singing along to the radio and discussing how hungry you suddenly were while Joe turned in his seat every few seconds to make a comment or joke and Ben stole glances at you in his mirror. When he pulled up Ben opened your door, and gave you a hand out of the car.  “And why didn’t you open my door Benjamin?” Joe said, mock aghast, “Terribly bad manners.”  You all laughed though there was a sudden slight tension in the air. It wasn’t by any means the first time you’d been out with the two of them. Plenty of days had been spent showing Joe the sights – trips to museums and art galleries and parks, dodging couples holding hands and parents trying to stop kids from touching what they shouldn’t. And you’d been out for dinner together more than once, fancy restaurants and the local sushi place and everything in between. But that was all before when you were just friends who sometimes slept together. If Ben had grabbed your hand to pull you to his favourite exhibit or if Joe had offered you his coat because you looked cold, it was all done in the name of fun, accompanied by jokes and laughter. But now there was meaning behind it. Ben’s fingers brushed yours as you walked up the street towards the restaurant and he quickly pulled his hand away.  

It got easier as the night went on. The table you were seated at was towards the back corner of the restaurant, so it felt a little more private than walking along the street had. And the longer you were away from the bubble you’d created in Ben’s home and car, the less worried you were that people were watching you, staring, trying to figure out your relationship. There were still a few awkward moments when one of you would go to do something that previously you wouldn’t have thought twice about, only to second guess yourself and falter. When Joe asked how your meal was, your first reaction was to offer him a bite from your fork though you stopped yourself this time, quickly shoving the food into your own mouth to cover the stuttered word that escaped too soon. Ben kept moving as if to touch your hand or Joe’s shoulder, only to remember what you’d agreed upon that morning and stop, leaving his hand resting awkwardly in the middle of the table. Eventually though he contented himself with playing footsie with you both, hidden by the tablecloth and each other’s chairs. So, by the time you were looking at the dessert menu, you felt much closer to your usual selves than you had at the beginning of the meal, laughing easily, mostly unworried by the people around you. You ordered a cocktail once the bottle of wine had been polished off, handing it around so Ben and Joe could taste it, and you opted to share two desserts between the three of you, no one hungry enough for their own.  

The second Ben turned the key in the lock to let you back inside, Frankie could be heard bounding towards the door.   “Hey girl,” he cooed, dropping to his knees to pat her as you and Joe stepped around them into the hallway.  “That was really nice,” you said as you hung your coat up by the door, “going out on a date, I mean.”  “Yeah it was. We’re straight up crushing this throuple thing.”  “Took a little getting used to though. I kept feeling like everyone was watching us.” Ben stood up from the doorway, lifting Frankie into his arms as he did so, “here go to mummy for a sec while I get your dinner,”  “Mummy?” you laughed, following Ben towards the kitchen, “Since when am I mummy? Thought I was auntie Y/N.”  “Auntie doesn’t fit now,” Ben shrugged, a can of dogfood in one hand and a can opener in the other.  “That raises so many questions,” Joe butted in, fingers wildly scratching under the dog’s chin, “The least of which is, if Y/N’s mummy does that make me daddy? And do those names transfer to the bedroom?”  “Absolutely not,”  “Spoil sport.”  “Alright you can put her down now, her dinner’s all sorted,”  With a final pat you placed Frankie on the floor. She stood staring at you and Joe for a minute before Ben clicked his tongue. Her ears pricked up and she followed the sound, faster once she realised food was involved.   Ben washed his hands and turned back to you, “Anyone want anything while I’m here?”  “No thanks, couldn’t possibly eat another bite.”  Joe shrugged, “I could go a snack, something a bit sweet?”  Ben and Joe shared a glance from across your shoulder and the next thing you knew Ben was sweeping you up as you squealed in surprise. He hoisted you over his shoulder, holding your legs still, as he carried you towards the bedroom.  “Show off,” Joe said as he followed, grinning, while you banged your fists against Ben’s back.  “Joe help me,” you whined, almost laughing as Ben adjusted his grip on you.  “Sorry sweetie, been thinking about getting you out of that dress since I saw you in it,”  “Me too,” Ben dropped you to the bed with a grunt that made you thankful the dress was easy to remove, “but the shoes stay on.” 

Despite Joe’s assertion that you were crushing it, your new dynamic turned out to be harder to adjust to than any of you had imagined it would be. When things were good, they were really good. The domestic bliss you’d fallen into over the previous few weeks continued, but small things began bugging you. Since Joe had moved in with Ben there hadn’t been any worries about leaving him out, no more distance to contend with, so there hadn’t been any problems when you spent the night with one and not the other. It was just how things shook out and no one made a fuss about sleeping alone. But now that you were dating it seemed they both expected you to spend every night with them. When you slept in Ben’s bed, Joe would start joking just a little too much about being excluded. And when you stayed in Joe’s, Ben would spend the next day being extra clingy, barely masking his jealousy. You briefly tried sharing a bed every night but found it untenable. It was lovely sometimes, but somehow you always seemed to end up in the middle and you very quickly got tired of waking up sweating and unable to easily get up to pee or grab a quick drink. Plus, before when you’d stayed over it was generally because of the sex. There’d been a few nights, particularly leading up to the night you’d admitted your feelings, where you’d stayed because you’d been too drunk to drive home or you’d fallen asleep on the couch or just because Ben said you should, but for the most part if you were staying over it was to hook up. Now though, things weren’t solely based on the physical so you didn’t always have sex before you fell asleep in one of their beds, and it led to accusations of favouritism and more than one argument.  

The arguments themselves were unfair too. Before, disagreements were quickly solved with a round of rough sex or at the most a couple of days apart before one of you pulled your head in and apologised. But, though you tried to continue that pattern, it didn’t seem to work anymore. Disagreements spawned arguments, often forcing someone to take sides. It was shit being dragged into the middle of an argument you had nothing to do with and it was shit when the person in the middle took the other’s side leaving you feeling ganged up on and attacked. Joe was best at mediating, so fights between you and Ben never seemed to last long but when Joe was involved in the argument things tended to escalate. Neither you or Ben were particularly good at staying impartial or coming up with compromises, both too stubborn to give in without a push from someone else, which just led to more hurt feelings. You ended up going back to your own apartment more often. It was smaller and dingier and lonelier but at least it gave you some space and didn’t gang up on you when you loaded the dishwasher wrong. 

On one evening, after a particularly long day at work when you were feeling extra snippy, Joe called you and Ben into the kitchen. You found him leaning against the bench, three mugs laid out in a row as the kettle boiled – a tea for himself, an instant coffee for Ben, and a chai latte for you.   “This isn’t working.”  A cold fist clenched around your heart as the words hit you. You began to protest the breakup at the same time Ben did but Joe held up a hand to stop you.  “I didn’t mean it like that. Shit, sorry, badly phrased. I just mean something about this isn’t right and we need to talk about it so we can fix it.”  You breathed a sigh of relief and sat down.  “Scared us, fucker.”  “Sorry, didn’t mean to,” he pulled out a packet of biscuits and placed them in the middle of the table, “All I want is to talk.”  “About?”  Joe brought the mugs over and took his own seat before he continued speaking, “I was reading some stuff online last night about situations like ours, relationships with more than two people, and every single site I found really hammered home how important good communication is to make them work. A normal couple takes a lot of communication as is but there are three of us – three personalities, three sets of opinions, maybe even three ideas of what this means or what we want from this – so we need to be better at talking about it. And I know it’s not easy, I don’t love talking about my feelings and stuff, but I think if we’re serious about this then it’s a discussion we need to have.”  “Makes sense,” you said softly, “how do we start?”  “I guess…maybe if we take it in turns to talk about anything that’s been bugging us lately? Y/N do you want to go first?”  “Oh, um, okay. The thing that’s been annoying me most is how um…”  Ben placed his hand on yours, “go on, we won’t be offended,”  You took a breath, weighing up the best way to say it, “it’s how, uh, how possessive you guys have been.”  “Is this why you’ve been disappearing a bit lately?”  “Yeah. It’s… you know I love you both but sometimes it feels like you’re fighting over me and expecting me to choose between you. I mean, like, I don’t have my own bed here so when I stay over I either have to sleep on the couch, which feels stupid, or I have to sleep in one of your beds. But no matter who’s bed I choose one of you always seems to be pissed off about it. It’s like you’re both trying to be The Boyfriend without considering each other. You don’t have to compete for me or whatever I’ve very clearly chosen you both.”  “Oh my god, I didn’t even think it might be making you feel like that,” Ben said with an apologetic smile, “I know I can get a little jealous and I’ve been trying not to but I guess that’s what I’m used to. In every other relationship I’ve had, it’s like, we agree to be serious and we share a bed, those things go hand in hand. So seeing you in someone else’s bed feels wrong, which is unfair to Joe and you.”  “I get it, Ben, I do. This is all very new and a little weird and I knew there’d be teething problems to start. But it’s tiring always feeling like I’m being pulled in both directions.”  “Can I just point out, and this isn’t meant in a bitchy way,” Joe said, “but you’re the one who ruled out all of us sharing one bed. So do you have a solution? Because, I admit I’ve been a bit of a jerk about it. Like Ben said I still kind of feel like you should spend more time with me, which I know isn’t right but it’s hard to just switch those feelings off.”  “I might have an idea,” Ben dunked a biscuit into his coffee, although he didn’t seem particularly interested in eating it, “Your problem is how stuffy and claustrophobic it can get when we’re all crammed into one bed right? Well, what if we bought a new bed? King sized so it gives us a bit more room.”  “That could work, but might I suggest something else on top of that. What if you were the one who slept in the middle, Ben? At the moment it seems to always be me, which is very sweet of you both and I do enjoy it, but you are definitely the biggest cuddler of the three of us and you tend to not need to get up to pee as much as I do. Not that it has to be a structured thing, obviously, but I think I’d be more comfortable on the end more often.”  “I am completely fine with that and I kinda feel a little dumb for not thinking of it earlier.”  Joe grinned at you both, “It’s working,” he sing-songed, earning eyerolls from you and Ben.  “Yes okay Joe, you’re very smart for thinking of this.”  “Thank you,”  “Was there something you wanted to talk about?”  “Now that you mention it, yes. The arguments.” the laughter dropped from his voice.  “Yeah, figured this would be brought up,” Ben said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

By the time you were done talking the biscuits were gone, your mugs were empty, and you all felt closer as people and partners. It took a while to sort out why arguments seemed harder to break now than before, but you came to the conclusion that it was largely because you hadn’t really talked about how each of you felt since that first day, each of you making incorrect assumptions because of it. The conversation covered a range of topics from how to split household chores to what you had imagined being in a throuple would mean. It took a lot of work to actually be able to voice some of your concerns, and you were sure not everything that could be said was, but you all had the chance get things off your chest, frustration and feelings of inadequacy and concerns about what the future held for you. Together you came to the conclusion you needed to make some changes. Some, like the bed situation, were easy to fix, but others were harder. You decided to set a weekly check in time. A time when you’d all have a chance to talk about how things were going, discuss where you stood, and if your expectations had changed, and work out any problems that arose. The aim was to get to a point where you could have that kind of discussion at any time it became needed, but you all agreed setting a specific time would be a good way to start building the habit.   “One final thing,” Joe’s voice sounded horse from talking, “Sex.”  “Not sure I’m in the mood Joey,”  “No, dingus, we should talk about it a bit. I don’t think it’ll take as much to sort out as some of this other stuff since we’re already pretty familiar with our boundaries and everything but, I figured we might as well while we’re here.”  “I don’t really have anything to say about it,” Ben shrugged, “I like how it’s been going so far.”  “Yeah what are you expecting us to say?”  “Well, okay, um, one of the articles I read mentioned how some people might not be comfortable knowing the other two are screwing, or they might only want to have sex as a threesome,”  “I don’t think those really apply here,” you said, “I mean, obviously we like the threesome stuff. But I also like having time one on one sometimes and I don’t expect you to always need me there when you two wanna fuck.”  “Yeah, same here,”  “Told you it wouldn’t take as long. But I think that’s it then, unless you have anything to add? No? Okay cool. I don’t know about you two, but I’m ready for bed.”  You and Ben agreed, yawning. Being so emotionally open was tiring.   “Where do you want to sleep Y/N?”  “Your bed Benny, but I want Joe there too. As long as I’m not stuck between you two.”  Ben gave you a sleepy smile as he wrapped his arms around you and dropped a soft kiss to your lips, “of course, love.” he turned towards Joe, catching him in a kiss too, “Joe I hope you’re ready to have the shit cuddled out of you.”  “Gosh I’m lucky,”  “Just saying, gotta thank you for forcing us to have that conversation somehow and it’s absolutely going to be cuddles all night. Maybe a morning blowjob too, haven’t decided.” 

After your big discussion things began to run smoother. The process of checking in with each other became a regular part of your week, more than a little uncomfortable at first but the more you did it the better you got at it and the less you held back. It mostly happened sitting around the kitchen table with a packet of biscuits and mugs of whichever steaming drink you fancied. The routine setting helped you adjust fast. Within a few weeks you felt comfortable enough about how everything was going to tell some close friends. Rami, Lucy and Gwilym were invited over for dinner one night so you could explain it and answer any questions they would subsequently have. You barely ate a bite of the dinner you’d helped prepare, much too nervous about actually telling others. It wasn’t that you were worried about any of them taking issue with your relationship, or even that you had misgivings about whether they could be trusted to keep your secret safe. It was that up until that point you, Ben and Joe existed in your own space, and didn’t use specific labels to describe yourself, but by telling people you were willingly breaking those boundaries. If you’d thought the word boyfriends or girlfriend, that was fine, but saying them out loud confirmed that this wasn’t just a fling or fucking around or casual anymore, there were real feelings involved and a real chance of getting hurt and no matter how much you wanted to be with them, that was a scary thought. Plus you were all still learning how to manage the relationship. Everything was better now that you’d started talking more candidly but there were still bumps in the road, and part of you felt like if things weren’t perfect then you shouldn’t tell anyone. It was likely that a relationship like yours was not something any of them were familiar with and you couldn’t help feel like you were becoming The Face of Throuples for them, and what right did you have to take that on if you still hadn’t worked out every aspect of how to be in a throuple? But, thankfully, it all went well. They’d been curious but most of the questions were easy to answer. How long has it been going on? How did it happen? The sort of questions you’d usually be asked upon introducing a romantic partner to your friends. And, of course, there’d been some teasing, particularly directed at Ben and Joe for taking so long to actually get together. Gwilym made a toast in which he declared he didn’t need either of them, playing up the jilted ex-lover role to much laughter. It felt nice to talk about it with new people, even if you still felt a little queasy. And it was even nicer knowing that when you were next invited to any of their places for dinner, you and Ben and Joe wouldn’t have to worry about pretending. There‘d be no need to hide your affection under the table or steal kisses in empty rooms, you could just be together.  

After the dinner went so well you felt more okay with telling people, inviting a few of your own closest friends over to your place one night so you could let them in on it and swear them all to secrecy. You talked about it with the boys first, just to make sure you were all still on the same page.  A small part of you was terrified that they’d let slip to someone who’d let slip to someone else who’s let slip to a reporter or, god forbid, your family. Telling close friends was one thing but you were nowhere near ready enough to explain it to your relatives and both Ben and Joe seemed to agree with you, especially with the holidays approaching. But neither of them were overly worried about it which made you feel less anxious too. There was still that niggling worry that your relationship wasn’t perfect enough to warrant anyone knowing - by telling them about your relationship you were voluntarily becoming the person your friends could use to earn gossip points or praise for having such diverse friends. You could almost hear the smug well I’ve got this friend, bizarre girl, in an honest to goodness throuple. But talking it through with Joe and Ben helped alleviate that too. They helped you stay relaxed on the day as well, dividing the hosting duties with you and checking on how you were going whenever they could. Telling your friends went well, although it was different to telling the other three. Your friends seemed more surprised by the news, perhaps because they weren’t as acquainted with either Ben or Joe. One or two of them had known you were sleeping with both boys but never suspected it might go further, or at least not with both of them. But you felt calmer after you’d answered their questions and stressed to them how important it was that it remained secret. It was a nerve-wracking experience, having to explain it and feeling like you had to justify your feelings but ultimately it was good, the spaces where you could comfortably be yourselves becoming more and more.  

Unfortunately, just as you were finally feeling settled in your relationship everything was turned around again. Joe’s movie wrapped and he began preparing to leave. You’d known it was coming, but still, walking into his room to find him packing shocked you, made you feel like the air had been knocked from your lungs. Mostly you’d all ignored it, pretended like it wasn’t creeping closer and closer, but you couldn’t avoid it forever. Joe looked over to where you were leaning in his doorway and smiled.  “When’s your flight?”  “Thursday afternoon,”  “So soon?”  “Yeah, kinda sucks right?” he dropped the shirt he was holding into his suitcase.  “Little bit. The selfish part of me wants to tell you to stay but I know that’s not right,”  “If it helps you can blame my family for being American, they’re the main reason I want to go back.”  “Helps a little,” you chuckled, pushing off the doorway and stepping into the room, “at least we know your ditching us for a good reason,”  “A very good reason. You’ve seen photos of my nephews; you know how fucking adorable they are.”  “Adorable as shit, no better reason to go.”  “I’ll come back as soon as I can, promise,”   “Oh I’m sure you will, you won’t know what to do without us. But maybe we’ll take pity on you and visit.”  You both broke out giggling for a moment, though the air hung heavy again before long. Joe wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug and you sighed as you buried your head in his neck.  “Are you worried?” you almost whispered, half afraid to hear his answer.  “About flying? No,”  “Joe,” you leaned back so you could look at him properly, “you know that’s not what I meant.”  “Fine. Yes, I’m a little worried. More than I’d like to be. Just feels like we’ve finally worked out how to do this and I’m ruining it. Long distance is hard and I can’t help but think it might fuck everything up.”  “You are not fucking this up Joe,” you placed your hand on his jaw and felt him lean into it, “Me and Ben won’t let you, even if we have to kidnap you or something.”  “You’re so sweet,”  “I know. But seriously, you have done so much to get us where we are now. You’re the reason we didn’t fall apart early on and that won’t change even with an ocean between us. We’re going to message all the time and we can do video chats and still organise time for our weekly check ins and date nights and everything, so you don’t feel left out. And you’ll have to come back because you’re contracted to do promo stuff for your movie here and you can’t get out of that. And, like I said, if you’re away for too long we’ll come to you. Ben’s got that audition tomorrow so he might end up working near you anyway and I can take some time off work if he does.”  “Plus, Christmas shopping will be easier when I don’t have to hide what I get you.”  “Exactly! Bright sides everywhere.”  “I love you,”  “I love you too.” 

The last few days before Joe left seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. His final night arrived before you knew it. None of you mentioned it though Ben, always a little clingy, spent most of the day with him, almost joined at the hip. Not that you’d done much better. The poor man could barely go to the bathroom without one of you offering to accompany him. But he didn’t mind. He’d mostly encouraged it. You made Joe’s favourite meal for dinner and Ben found his favourite movies on Netflix and as the hour grew later you’d ended up in a tangled pile on the couch, Joe in the middle with Ben’s head on his shoulder, their fingers intertwined, and your head in his lap, his other hand resting on your side. As the credits rolled on the final movie Joe cleared his throat.  “About tomorrow.”  Ben hummed to show he was listening but didn’t move.  “I don’t know if you should come to the airport with me.”  “What?” You and Ben spoke at the same time, both of you pushing yourselves away from Joe, sitting up.  “I just think it’s going to be easier to keep this secret if neither of you are there.”  “Fuck off, of course we’re going to be there. Friends can still wave each other off at the airport you know. The don’t hold a gun to your head and demand to know if you’re dating or not.”  “Ben, that’s not….” he sighed, “Won’t it be easier to do the goodbyes here?”  “So what?”  “Fine, come along then but we’ll need to discuss how it’s going to work.”  “Well Ben will drive us in a-”  “Not the part I’m worried about. It’s not like we can do the whole romantic farewell kiss thing. Aside from our no PDAs agreement, after I leave it’ll be both of you here and if people are going to think anything it’s that you two are dating. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. If people think you’re a couple, it’ll take a bit of pressure off and there’ll be less chance of us being exposed before we’re ready.”  You crossed your arms and bit your lip. There was sense to what he said, no matter how much you hated it.   Ben scoffed and shook his head, “bullshit,”  “You know I’m right. Y/N is here almost every day and people already suspect you’re together. In the first week I was here I had multiple friends of yours ask me if I knew what was going on between you, and that was when you were just fucking.”  “I can know you’re right and still dislike it.”  “I don’t like it any more than you. But I think we might as well use it to our advantage. And it means you won’t have to be quite as careful about going out together. You could go out and hold hands and kiss in public and people wouldn’t catch on to the reality of our relationship. They wouldn’t realise I’m part of it.”  There was silence as you all paused.  “Stop being so melodramatic Mazzello,” Ben crossed his arms over his chest, “We have a no PDA rule, you just mentioned it before, and that won’t change just because you aren’t around. Stop acting like we’re going to run off without you or something, that’s never going to happen. Also we’re coming to the airport tomorrow. We don’t have to stay and wave you off but we are at least taking you to the drop off zone and you will give us both a hug goodbye.”  You were a little stunned by Ben’s sudden burst of dominance, but Joe just smiled, and let out a breath he seemed to have been holding.  “Well?”  “Deal,”  “Deal,”  “Deal,” Ben stood, grabbing Joe by the hand and pulled him off the couch, “Now come on, last night means farewell sex and you clearly need a strong reminder of how much you mean to us so get ready to have your mind blown.” 

You woke in the morning with Joe between you and Ben, your arms tangled together where you held him. For a while you just lay there, intermittently making out and talking in soft voices, as if worried that being too loud would scare time and make it bound away. It did so anyway. The afternoon arrived sooner than any of you wanted and before you were ready you were parked in the lounge room, Joe’s luggage piled by the door, saying goodbye.   Joe squeezed you tight as you tried not to cry into his shoulder, “promise you’ll look after Benny for me.  “Of course,”  “And I expect you to tell me everything that happens, no matter how boring. You’re going to get so sick of your phone vibrating because I’m gonna be sending you so many messages,”  It was getting harder to hold your tears back, voice thick with them, “Not if I annoy you first. If I so much as eat you will hear about it.”  “Good, don’t think I could get through a day without hearing about yours. I’m going to miss you so much.”  “Me too. It’s going to be weird without you here. What if me and Ben can’t make it work without you?”  “Don’t be daft, you’re perfect together. Almost perfect anyway.”  You let out a watery laugh.  “Seriously though, you’ll be fine. I know you’re both stubborn asses but you will be fine.”  “Yeah, you’re right, I’m being dumb. You were right back at the beginning of this too.”  “I know I was, but about what specifically?”  “We’re crushing this throuple thing. And we’re going to keep crushing it, no matter where we all live.”  “Damn right. I love you,”  “Love you too.”  It didn’t matter that your voice cracked halfway through or that you were trying to blink back tears because Joe kissed you then, his hands trying to pull you even closer into his body. You kissed him back, trying to put every ounce of love into it you could manage. It was the kind of kiss that left your lips tingling and your head feeling vaguely dizzy when he finally pulled away, a slightly dazed expression on his own face. Gently he cupped your jaw, thumb stroking over your cheek to wipe away a fallen tear. The gesture was followed with another, softer, kiss to your lips and then to your forehead.  

When he let you go you stepped back and tried to fade into the background while he and Ben had their moment, though it was hard not to watch a little even if you couldn’t hear what they were saying. Seeing Ben lose his composure didn’t make it any easier to stop yourself from crying. When they broke apart Ben’s cheeks were stained pink and his eyes were watery but he cleared his throat and shook his head.  “Spose we should get you loaded into the car then.”  Joe let out a shaky breath as he ran his hand over his own face, “Okay, I’m good,” he made his way to the door and picked up the suitcase while Ben grabbed his carryon luggage. Ben winked as he passed you, both of you trying not to laugh despite how sad you felt. Joe would be very surprised when he got home and found the bundle of polaroid photos you and Ben had hidden in his suitcase, pressed between two of his shirts. You wished you could see his face when he did. Instead you contented yourself with trying to imagine the message he’d send you, finding it useful to stop your emotions from getting the better of you as you hopped into the backseat and Ben started the engine.  

The drive itself was more than a little tense. It felt weird to have done your goodbyes, emotional as they ended up being, only to trap yourselves together in an inescapable enclosed space. There was no singing along to the radio, just some soft conversation, mostly about Joe’s flight. Though you wouldn’t have missed the drive for anything, wanting to spend as much time with Joe as possible even if there was a weird vibe to it. The vibe shifted as you got closer to the airport, less weird, more straight up depressing. You and Ben climbed out of the car with Joe, Ben heading to pull his bags from the boot.   “Have a safe flight,” Ben said, dropping the bags to the ground and moving to give Joe a final hug, “Look after yourself and text us as soon as you land, okay?” You could see the way his hand lingered on Joe’s back, how he squeezed just a little tighter than he normally would, but to an outsider it would have looked like nothing more than good friends parting. You felt the tears beginning to form again and desperately tried to hold them back.  Joe nodded as they broke apart and then pulled you into a final hug.  “Don’t cry Y/N. Gotta keep it together so Ben doesn’t break down bawling,”  “Oi, I heard that, jerk,”  “Not disputing it though are you?” Joe laughed, “but seriously Y/N, there’s no need. I’ll be back as soon as I can be and then you’ll feel like a right dork for getting so emotional.”  “Better come back fast and prove it. Tell your nephews they’re lucky little jerks.”  Joe just laughed as he stepped back, “See you next time, then. Thanks for… everything.” There was a second where you had to fight the urge to leap at Joe and pull him into the sort of big romantic kiss reserved for romcoms but then he grabbed his bags and headed off towards the entrance, the moment gone. He paused once to look back and wave before he disappeared amongst the crowd. You and Ben stayed for a few seconds, watching the entrance just in case he appeared again but he didn’t. 

By the time you got home both of you felt exhausted, drained. Without saying a word you headed to the room that Joe had claimed as his own, Ben following without really seeming to realise. It already felt too quiet with just the two of you there. You toed off your shoes and lay down on the bed, Ben collapsing beside you, his hand falling to your waist.   The bed still smelt like Joe and you sighed, “It’s going to be different without him,”  “Yeah, probably. But it’ll be fine. It’s so easy to keep in contact, we’ll manage.”  “I know. Just gonna take some getting used to I guess. I already miss him so much,”  “I know babe,” Ben’s arms tightened as he pulled you into his chest. For a moment you just lay there and then the silence was broken by both of your phones buzzing in sync. There was a new message in your group chat, both of you clicking to open it, hoping just a little that Joe’s flight had been cancelled or something similar. Instead you were met with three words that made both of you sob. 

Miss you already

[heartau]

Oooh you went to Neocity right? I’d love to hear descriptions of the boys in the words of a writer 🥰

omg this sounds fun !!! ok before i start this i just wanna say this is from what i personally saw when i saw them live. i was relatively close to the stage, enough to make eye contact and to be waved at, so i’ll do my best!!

taeyong: seeing him in real life was a little surreal because he looks exactly how he does in pictures and videos which is already jarring because he’s already really beautiful through those. he has really big, expressive eyes and the warmest smile; every time he would look at the audience he’d have this small smile that looked like pride. it was really really heartwarming to see. he has such a calming, relaxed and cute aura durings ments but once he started to perform... whew! his head also really big, honestly a lot of their heads were really big in real life which is adorable idjdjddk, but yeah!! i made eye contact with him a number of times and you would think his gaze would be intimidating but it really really wasnt! the only word i can describe the feeling i got from him is motherly :(

johnny: first and foremost, i do not believe that he’s 6’1... that man is gigantic. his proportions are so good, his leg to chest ratio is so... [chef’s kiss]. what you see of him in videos is truly what he is in real life, he’s so goofy and funny and lively and he always encouraged other members to do their thing as well. he’s honestly so hilarious too which makes me sad because it makes me feel like we’d get along really well if i knew him personally ... man i just wanna be his bff. but yeah he’s really tall, like towering over the other members tall; even taller than jungwoo, who was surprisingly tall as well. maybe it’s just me because i’m really short. he also has a small face in real life, but at the same time his features are so expressive that you dont even realize it haha. but yeah he’s just a happy, talented, gentle giant.

jungwoo: if i could describe jungwoo in one word it would be cherub-like. he literally has the softest features ever and he moves so gracefully, he literally glowed on stage and it was kinda shocking really. he was also really tall omg, like i was expecting it anyways since i knew that he’s around 6ft, but like... he’s REALLY tall. he has the SOFTEST, most honey-like voice but he speaks with so much confidence, it’s so so so cute and made me so happy. he also has really fluffy hair, like even from my seat i could see how soft and light his hair was; every movement he made that night just made his hair whip around really easily, like even if it was bleached you really couldn’t tell because his hair didn’t look fried at all. all in all jungwoo was truly angel-like and very graceful.

taeil: oh man taeil is beautiful on screen and through pictures already but in person he glows 100x more. he has really, really pretty skin that made him shine under the spotlight and his jawline is REALLY sharp omg. he’s also really short (which i was expecting... probably still taller than me though) and has a big head hehe. he’s also one of the members that had a really calming, nurturing energy, during the ments he would literally have heart eyes full of pride when he’d look at the audience, it was really really heartwarming. a GOOD butt. also his vocals are so, so, sooo good and very stable - there was one point (i think it was back 2 u(?) i can’t remember anything from that night other than my videos) where he used his headvoice for the highnote and not falsetto and it floored me - i’m a classically trained vocalist so you bet i freaked out in the audience. but yeah, taeil is just really calming and nurturing and REALLY funny too :(

yuta: yuta honestly shocked me because although i knew that he’s baby from interviews and other clips, i was still somehow intimidated by him, but when i saw them live he really stomped on my intimidation. he literally has the most fresh, most positive, most genuinely kind energy i’ve literally ever felt :( he had the biggest smile throughout the night, every time i’d look at him he’d just be grinning from ear to ear. “healing smile” doesn’t even come close to describing how GOOD his smile is in real life. he’s also short, something i really wasn’t expecting, like a good 2nd or 3rd shortest - really really REALLY funny too and a REALLY good dancer, i got some of his freestyle dance on camera and every time i watch it, i’m floored bc he hits every beat on the spot. i made eye contact with him at one point and i remember feeling just so happy and at peace, like... he’s not intimidating at all... he’s just a happy boy :(

mark: ohh mark... i see mark as a childhood friend so when he came out on stage i literally felt tears spring in my eyes. i live in vancouver and saw them in vancouver so i feel like that kinda intensified it a bit more as well. he is SOOOOOO undeniably funny its crazy, throughout the night i’d just be laughing at things he’d say (that were intended to be humourous ofc). his head also really big omg it was kinda jarring, and taller than i expected. his stage presence is so good, everytime they’d perform my eyes would sometimes land on him, literally SO good. honestly, when i walked into that venue i was expecting him to cry which i feared for because when someone cries, then i cry, but he didn’t!! although after the concert ended, when they were saying their goodbyes, they left mark alone to say his own goodbyes and when he was doing so, his voice kinda cracked before he did this bow and his eyes were a little glossy and i got SO SCARED because i didn’t wanna cry rkdndkdndk but yeah :( im proud of mark and you can tell that he holds pride in what he does as well!

donghyuck: MAN... donghyuck literally has the most beautiful skin i’ve ever seen. i know i’ve said this before but he glows, like he literally glows, fullsun is an appropriate nickname for him. he emitted nothing else but cute, happy, mischeviohs energy during ments but once he started performing his vibe changed so drastically it was crazy - especially during wake up and baby don’t like it. there was one part during baby don’t like it when he pressed his forehead against taeil’s and when i tell you how much i lost it because i wasn’t expecting it... oh man. i also see donghyuck as a best friend; i was born a week before he was and our natal charts are exactly the same save for our moons, so seeing him rip it up on stage was so so soo good it made me so proud :( i made eye contact with him somewhere during summer 127?? I WAS SO HAPPY AFTER like it was refreshing omg i sound so silly but im telling the truth iddndkjd he’s also shockingly tall as well, around mark’s height, maybe even taller, and REALLY long legs. like a good 90% of his body was made of leg didjdjdjd but yeah donghyuck is just... he’s really the sun and he was meant to perform.

doyoung: i will start this off by saying; i left that venue as a doyoungzen. doyoung... whew... he also shocked me because through videos and pictures i was NEVER intimidated by him at all, i honestly genuinely always just saw him as cute baby but man oh man. you know when you just KNOW that someone’s rich by the way they hold themselves? that’s doyoung... he’s really regal-like and holds himself really gracefully, like a strict prince type. he intimidated me SO much that night (in the best way possible... sexy intimidation... dont worry) like his energy was just so... intense. i made eye contact with him a number of times and when i tell you how SMALL i felt just from meeting his eyes... my goodness. he has really broad shoulders and a tiny waist, also really tall, small-ish head. his features are REALLY sharp like it’s crazy, i really have no other way to explain it. he also has really pretty hands, nimble-looking fingers. he was really adorable during ments and at one point kept hopping which was so CUTE but even then... man. his energy is just really intense. i ended up making him one of my ults after i left the venue.

jaehyun: deep inhale... so. jaehyun. honestly its kinda silly because i can remember so many details from the other members but i feel like once it comes to jaehyun i’m at a loss of words because of how in SHOCK i was to see him up close bc as you all know he’s my ultimate bias, it was my three years with him a few weeks ago. but gosh... jaehyun... i really can’t see the whole “cold prince” image they give him bc he’s so chill and relaxed? ok wow a few memories are coming to mind now; he has a really big head, which i was expecting because i’ve seen people talk about how big his head is but yeah it’s big but it’s CUTE he’s just a little bobblehead :( i made so much eye contact with him that night too and god like. i got some of those moments on camera and you can see through the videos how i’d just FREEZE every time we jefkenfkd he’s just... really chill, really relaxed, let the other members do their thing, but at the same time really silly and had this aura of confidence which was really nice. a lil shorter than i expected omg but his skin was reeallllyyyy nice and he’s very pale irl omg. he waved at me and my friend at the end of the show and i also got it on video and like... every time i watch it its just so surreal cuz like ... 😭 LIKE WHAT NOW how am i supposed to live the rest of my life now knowing i reached my peak at neocity like .... bruh

all in all these boys are just so talented and have the best stage presence ever, and they’re super SUPER interactive with the fans. beingin the crowd during touch and replay was just so... nice :( it was truly one of the happiest moments in my life and i hope that they come back soon !!! i also hope that the next time i see them, winwin is part of 127 again as well :( and lastly, i also hope that whoever is reading this sees them in the future as well bc u deserve it!!!

[ssixa]

CHANCE ENCOUNTER//MARK TUAN X Y/N

Description: Walking into the night shift at the hospital proves to keep you on your toes. Nights are left to the universe so you can only hope that tonight will be decent. What happens when you find out that one of your patients is THE Mark Tuan from GOT7? how do you try to deal with the chaos erupting from this chance encounter? and how many times do you have to tell yourself that you love your job?

Genre: fluff, slight cringe, smut (in this chapter)

Pairing: Black Fem Reader x Mark Tuan (though I will say there isn’t much description of black characteristics)

Word count: 5.7K

Warning: explicit language, SMUT!!!!!!, mention of piercings, drinking, switch, slight restraining, breath play

A/n: sorry for the hella late post! I got in this solid routine of studying and I didn’t want to break my stride with it lol. This is the first legit smut scene I’ve written before the narrative about Narachan that I posted. I’m still not very good at writing smut though, but I enjoyed writing from the y/f/n pov! 

*All pic collages are made by me unless I state otherwise. Individual pictures in the collage are not mine and I give credit to where credit is due.

Chapter Eight

~y/f/n’s POV~

I opened up Yug’s profile and clicked chat.

“I can’t believe this bitch, imma kill her one day. But I’m happy, a little more happy then I thought I would be. How do I even start to message him? Why am I so nervous he’s a crackhead fetus. Ok, here we go” I thought to myself.

“Heyyy it’s y/f/nnnn” damn too many y’s

“Um hey y/f/n nuna” he replies almost instantly with a nervous emote 

“Yug, sweetheart you don’t have to call me nuna, y/f/n is just fine” I respond slightly flirtily 

“Oh ok...y/f/n. Um~” he responds

“Yes?” I respond already having a hopes of what he’s going to ask

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come hang out with me at the hotel? I fully understand if you don’t want to though and you would much rather stay with y/n” he sends with almost a nervous sense.

“I don’t mind as long as I’m not interrupting your rest time” I reply back just being certain

“Oh no you’re not interrupting, I invited you didn’t I?” 

“True, well I guess y/n can drop me off at the hotel then. You can go ahead and send the address to her”

“Yes ma’am hahaha”. Wow this boy has no limits, this will be an interesting night. I look to y/n who is on her phone purging the bad pics and videos from the concert. 

“Yo y/n, Yug said he’ll send the address of the hotel to you. You can drop me off there and go to your boo” I laughed

“Lol ok ok...Mrs. Kim” I joke

“Well said Mrs. Im” we broke out in laughter. What a circumstance we’re in. y/n starts the car and we leave heading towards the hotel. We keep ourselves occupied with small chatter back and forth when it occurred to me,

“Wait I just realized, when the boys were coming over to our side during the concert, was that because of you?” I ask

“Yup, apart from Mark, that was the first time they had ever seen me in real life. So I guess they just wanted to be idiots” y/n replies with a laugh. The drive wasn’t long, but that’s probably because we talked the whole time. We arrived at the entrance of the hotel and I texted Yugyeom that I was here.

“Ok, go ahead and head to the 7th floor. Room 723” he replied almost instantly 

“Gotcha” I replied. I said goodbye to y/n and walked inside. I headed to the elevator and walked in. I hit the seventh floor button and rode my way up. I took some deep breaths going up and until I was standing in front of his room. I knocked lightly and I heard footsteps rushing towards the door. A moment later, the door opens and I’m met with Yug’s adorable face. His smile is wide and he invites me in. After closing the door, he heads into the room and awkwardly stands a bit away from me. The air is full of an awkward silence until I speak up,

“Um do you mind if I take a seat?” I ask kind of nervously

“S-sure here” he points to the bed and neatens it up before I take a seat. 

“I guess that’s his bed huh” I think

“D-do you want something to drink? The boys and I went out together yesterday and I bought some drinks in case I had some time to enjoy it” he mentioned

“Oooo what kind?” I ask since I was in the mood for some drinks tonight anyways

“Some flavored soju” he says with a smile

“Perfect! Then of course! Can we also play some games too?” I ask excitedly 

“Yes! I love games! What do you want to play?” 

“Mmm, how about we start off with cham cham cham? Do you mind if we take a couple of shots first” I suggest excitedly.

“OK!” he jumps up and grabs the drinks from the minifridge. He grabs a couple solo cups and returns to the bed. He pours a shot's worth into both of our cups and we take the shot together. He asked me what type of drinking games Americans play and I gave him a few ideas.

“We have games like flip cup, beer pong, or even a card game like Uno” I relay

“Oh wow! Can we play one of those games?” 

“We can play beer pong since we can play it with two people, but if the others get back we can play flip cup! It’s one of my favorites and super fun too!” 

We continue small banter back and forth and we are a few shots in when we decide to start the game. I guess it’s because he plays this a lot more than me that Yug is really good at the game. I lose a good few times and the penalty is taking a shot or a flick on the forehead. We decided to make it more interesting and cut up slips of paper and put ‘F’ for flick and ‘S’ for shot. We grabbed an empty cup and threw the slips in it so whenever one of us loses, we shake it up, pick a slip, and do what is on it. It was my idea for this since we could easily drink all the alcohol he had. 

The game continued on with shots here and flicks here. A little while later, I could tell that we were both pretty tipsy; not super drunk, but gone enough to become really comfortable with each other. It was my turn at the game to cham cham cham him and he ended up seeing past my trick and dodging the direction my hand went. Next was his, he ended up winning so I had to take my draw from the penalty cup. To my demise, I ended up picking F which caused me to hide the slip. Yugyeom caught on to my sneakiness and asked to see the slip. 

“y/f/n, let me see the slip!” he says laughing

“Noooo!” I reply in a laughing

“Come oOooOOoOnnnn” he pleaded 

“Nope nope nope” I replied, shaking my head. My mother always told me my stubbornness would get me into trouble. I jumped to the other bed in the room trying to avoid Yugyeom. He got up and chased me there, I dodge him and roll off the bed jumping to his. No wonder he’s the main dancer because he changes direction and heads towards his bed. He hopped on top and fought to grab the slip out of my hands. I tried my best to keep it away from him, but all things considered, let's just say I lost. 

After we were done cutting up and trying to catch our breath is when I realized what position we were in. My back was against the headboard with my legs crossed while he leaned over me pinning my arms above my head with one hand. It’s when I finally opened and focused my eyes that I realized he was staring at me. His eyes looked glazed yet so dark. His nose and cheeks slightly tinted with a light shade of pink though I was unsure if it was because he’s embarrassed or because he was drunk. The contact remained persistent for only a few more seconds when he suddenly bent down and connected our lips. His lips were so soft and warm. The kiss was long and innocent and yet had me holding my breath. 

He broke the kiss and had both of our lungs trying to recapture the air that wasn’t breathed in. His facial expression changed suddenly 

“I-I’m so sorry y/f/n” he said with a sense of panic. I couldn’t even react properly, I just kept staring causing him to panic more. He quickly pushed off of me and scooted to the end of the bed.

“I don’t why I did that! I must have drunk too much..” he continued to panic and ramble on as I sat up.

“Yug, it’s ok, really, it was nice” I look to him trying to calm him down with a gentle smile

“I know I should’ve asked and not just done it, I-” he paused 

“You- it was nice?” he asks surprised at your choice of words

“Yeah~ you did catch me by surprise, but it was a nice surprise” I said quietly 

“T-then would you-” he stammered

“Yes” I answered 

“You didn’t even know what I was going to ask” he laughed slightly 

“Then what were you going to ask then” I say with a smirk

“W-would you want to continue?” he asks without making much eye contact. Scared that your previous answer was going to change. 

“Yes Yug. I told you I knew what you were about to ask” I laughed 

“Hahaha I guess you did” 

“Well then, are you going to come back here” I ask

“Anything for you” he replies as he slowly crawls back to me and centers himself between my legs. He closes in again where our lips are barely inches apart, but only a second later does he close the gap between us once again. Our lips move hungrily against each other, almost like he hasn’t had a sensation like this in a while if not ever. The kiss stayed heated and I tried to reach out to touch him in any way I could, but he tightened his grip on my wrists..

“Yug, please let go of my wrists” I beg

“I don’t think I will, baby girl” he replies lowly. The effect of the new nickname did it’s job in making me know my place. I find it hard to believe that he’s younger than me and yet he is this dominant. Then again I shouldn’t be surprised that the main dancer has a different personality. That’s one thing I’ve learned from being a kpop fan for so long. You can never trust these “sexy on stage” idols; them mostly being the main dancers at that. We go back to making out when he uses his free hand to slowly lift my shirt. I froze. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sleep with him it was that I couldn’t imagine that the person I was hooking up with WAS him. I started this day off going to the concert with my best friend only to find out she’s best friend’s with the group, and is now dating the leader. 

“Like damn, I really be living the “y/n” life right now” I think. Before I knew it, he somehow managed to pull my shirt over my head and now I was just sitting there in my bra and skirt. When I looked at his face, it showed no emotion, almost disappointed.

“W-what?” I ask nervously with obvious concern in my voice. I start to panic, normally I’m really bold with my foot always forward and my head high, but his gaze and just who he is...what the hell has this child done to me. I look down to see if there was something wrong and look back up when I don’t see off. When I look back into his eyes, he’s just staring at me.

“Yug...you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” 

“You’re..just so…” he starts

“Yug don’t you fucking dare” I say almost angrily.

“...beautiful” he concludes. I thought he was going to say something else before I warned him, but when I looked at his eyes, all it showed was the most sincerity in the world. The black glaze from earlier was gone and his beautiful brown eyes sparkled like they just gazed upon the most beautiful picture in the world. He leaned back in starting to kiss my lips once more then making his way down to my neck and truthfully I can’t tell if there will be a mark left after this. Goosebumps start to form as he keeps moving down onto my shoulders. Light, yet warm kisses coated my skin that was left bare to the air conditioned room. He got down to my chest where he was able to unsnap my bra from the back which REALLY led me to think that he wasn’t as inexperienced as he looks. My thoughts were suddenly brought out of its state of euphoria when I heard a gasp. I snap my head up,

“Fuck...how many piercings do you have?” he questioned

“Oh sweetheart there’s more to come” I comment with a smirk

“Will I have a chance to see them?” he questioned a slight smirk and raised eyebrow

“Anything for you” I wink. What the hell is wrong with me. This isn’t like me at all! I’m never this cheesy when it comes to getting my back blown out, but I just can’t figure this kid out. One moment he looks like he could devour me whole, while the next he looks like a kid in a candy store. 

“That’s all I needed to hear princess” he says with his voice almost significantly deeper than usual. He goes to suck on one of the nipples while kneading the other and the pleasure is beyond the roof. I let out a soft moan which wasn’t soft enough because his actions suddenly changed. The hand kneading the one breast made its way down my stomach and to the edge of the skirt. He pushes back,

“Now, I’m going to release your hands and I’m going to need you to take off your skirt for me. Why don’t you be a good girl and do that for me?” he says

“Ok...but” you start

“I can’t be the only one fully naked out here. At least take off your shirt” you conclude. Finally, after this whole night since the concert ended, you’re showing signs of yourself once again. 

“Whatever you want sweetheart” he complied, releasing your hands. You get off the bed causing a look of confusion. You turn towards him and put your hands behind your back. You slowly start undoing the zipper at the back and you see the realization suddenly hit his eyes. He sits at the edge of the bed leaning back using his arms as support, enjoying the show that he knows is only for him. As I start shimming out of the skirt and seeing his eyes watch where my hands are, I stop.

“Why’d you stop?” he questions

“Last I checked, I said I wasn’t going to be the only one without clothing” I relay 

“Sorry, just enjoying the show. I hate missing good moments of a great movie” he winked

“Well looks like you hit the rewind button” I comment pulling my skirt back up and reaching for the zipper. 

“Oof you’re really going to make this a fun time huh?” he laughs

“Of course” I wink. He stands up and removes his shirt showing his pale yet fit self. You just stand there gazing as this boy built for the demigods. That’s when you truly realize that god truly picks favorites, though I know he’s worked hard for that body.

“Like what you see?” he slyly says 

“Who wouldn’t” I replied without looking back up. It didn’t take you long to rid yourself of your skirt. Though he was still wearing more clothes  than you were, it still felt better that he didn’t have a shirt. This wasn’t a moment of teasing during a concert where it is only a moment that a shirt gets raised, this is close to permanent and with more purging of clothing coming down the road. You both stood there just looking each other in the eyes. A deep breath held by much tension was let out and that’s when Yugyeom picked me up behind the knees and laid me down on the bed.

It wasn’t a foreign fact that his hard on was rubbing against my clothed core. He knew exactly what he was doing, he grinded harder and I let out a subtle moan. He dragged one of his hands down my sides and past my underwear. He rubbed my clit in circular motions with just the right amount of pressure. His index finger slid down my slit, teasing my opening

“Fuck Yug, please” I begged. 

“Damn you’re so wet” he seeths. Luckily he wasn’t fully ignoring my pleas. He slipped his finger in and slowly started pumping. The moans that left me could not be described with words. He easily found the one spot that could ruin me and made sure to hit it. Suddenly, he slides in a second finger. I let out a louder moan than before and continued to receive the pleasure he had been giving. He pumped harder and rubbed my clit faster and the tension in my stomach kept building,

“Fuck I’m close daddy” I moaned out. My eyes shot open in realization of the word that just left my mouth

“What did you just say?” he says in a low voice

“N-nothing” I squeaked out avoiding eye contact with him

“Say..It” he growled in what I would’ve thought a demon would sound like.

“D-daddy” he said quietly 

“Louder” he commanded 

“Daddy” I muttered slightly louder and more boldly. This I knew about myself; this daddy kink has always been a thing about me, but I have never uttered that word from just finger play and even someone younger than me. 

“Now what would you like daddy to do? Hm?”

“Please, I’m so close”

“As you wish sweetheart” he replies. He throttles the two fingers back into my warmth and curves his fingers up; with his thumb back on my clit. Knowing exactly where to hit, I let out a loud moan. My respirations grew deeper and faster as he kept pumping. The tension built more and more until I couldn’t bare it anymore.

“Fuck fuck fuck” I moan out. My body erupts in spasms almost immediately and it takes a minute for me to calm back down. My breaths slow as I catch my breath and realize how this might look. I couldn’t think of how I might look and I shield my face. 

“Why are you covering your face?” Yugyeom lightly chuckles

“I probably look a mess right now” I reply back

“y/f/n, you look beautiful” he compliments removing my hands from my face. He lays down beside me, almost exhausted himself.

“Why are you the one that’s tired? You weren’t the one that just got finger fucked” I laugh

“Seeing you like this, truthfully takes my breath away...and you forget that we just performed a two and a half hour concert” he replies back jokingly 

“Wow ok cringe, and that makes sense” I reply back. I lay to my side and he pulled me into his chest.

“Don’t you want a turn?” I ask after a moment of silence

“Nah I’m fine. Let’s just lay here” he says soothingly. Now, I know better and though I’m sensitive and truthfully tired, he seems to have unfinished business that is screaming to be dealt with. I slowly start moving my butt against him trying to gain a reaction from him. He slightly growls,

“W-what are you doing?” he asks nervously 

“You seem to have some unfinished business and I just wanted to solve it for you” I replied. I started moving faster as I feel him growing harder and...bigger? 

“Y-y/f/n” he moans out 

“Now tell me what you want baby boy?” I reply back slightly 

“P-please…” he sputtered 

“Please what? Use your words” I state. I was happy that I was finally getting back to my regular self.

“Please, I need you” was all I needed. I turned to face him and pulled my arm down to his crotch. My hand grabbed his covered member and started slowly massaging it. He let out a small moan, but tried to keep it suppressed. I was determined now to make him moan louder. I put my hand in his sweats and realized 

“No underwear?”

“Well they tend to be a little constricting so I choose not to wear them when I don’t have to” he mumbles out. I nod understanding his position. Hell, I understand because I hate wearing a lot of clothes when I’m at home. I grab his member and start pumping slowly. His breaths were getting deep so I decided to switch my tactic. I turned him on his back and got between his legs. I grabbed his waistband of his light gray sweatpants and slowly started inching them down. Throughout this whole process, my eye contact never left his. His stare was so innocent and his face was obviously getting red. I locked my eyes back on his pants once they were pulled far enough. His hard member shot up finally being set free from the constraints of the waistband. 

He was a decent size, not super big but not small either. It stood boldly and was already slightly oozing with precum. I knew better than to gawk because he might take the opportunity to take control back and I sure in hell wasn’t going to let that happen again. I pumped him more and lowered my mouth to it. I start to bob my head up and down at a steady pace. A string of curse words made their way out of his mouth along with some moans as well. I kept bobbing and stroking his member for a little while longer until I felt him jerk his hips up. I hold them down preventing him from bucking them up again. I do help further the pleasure by hitting the back of my throat a little more often than before. He tried grabbing my hair and I decided to hold down his arms. That proved to be pointless since he was a lot stronger than me. 

I released his member from my mouth and he snapped his head up.

“Why did you stop?” he wined

“I can’t have you grabbing my hair now can I?” I comment

“S-sorry” he apologizes 

“No~ that won’t work now will it” I smirk. I got off the bed and looked around for a second until I found what I was looking for. I went to his luggage, opened it, and started looking through it. 

“What are you doing?” Yugyeom questioned 

“Just looking for something...found it!” I exclaim. I turn around and hold up two belts with a smirk on my face.

“W-what are you going to do with those?” he shockingly asks with wide eyes

“This will keep those lovely hands of yours to yourself” I reply 

“Fuck, this is going to drive me insane not being able to touch you” he sighs

“Mmmm, I’m going to enjoy this” I say as I get back on the bed and straddle him. Luckily, and unusually, the hotel beds here came with a “usable” bed frame. I grabbed one of his arms and pulled it back. I tied one belt around his wrist then around the bed post frame. I grabbed the other arm and did the same. This is one thing I can say I’m good at, though I don’t think girl scouts taught us tying skills to be used for this reason. After making sure the belts were nice and tight, I went back to being stationed between his legs. I place my mouth back on his stiff member and my hand at his base helping me pump as I suck. He moans more than before and I guess it’s because of being restrained that causes it. 

“Fuck I’m so close, keep going, I’m so fucking close” he moans out. I picked up my pace to get him to reach his climax. Only a few seconds later do I feel his hips bucking up, hot liquid shoot to the back of my throat along with a string of curses. I milk him for all he’s worth taking my time to look at his face curling in pleasure. I release him and crawl my way up to his face. He opened his eyes and we made eye contact. I swallowed the liquid and used my finger to swipe my bottom lip showing that I would leave nothing of his wasted.  

“Fuck...I can’t….fuck” he mumbles. I smirk as I scooted to get off of him, fully satisfied by my accomplishment. That was short lived when I realized that his member was still slightly erect.

“I see that someone isn’t satisfied quite yet” I laugh

“What can I say, you have me horny as fuck” he replies with a sigh

“Well we can’t have that, now can we” I smirk. I get off the bed and remove my underwear that proves to be pointless at this point. I get back on top of him and center myself above his member. As I began to lower myself down, he stopped me

“Wait I think there’s a condom in my bag” he states

“Don’t worry, I’m on birth control” I state. With a breath, I slowly let myself down onto his member. We both let out moans of pleasure as I was being filled and he was being enveloped around my walls.

“Fuck, y/f/n, you’re so tight. god you feel incredible” he moans out 

“Yug you feel so good, fuck” I moan out as well. I give myself a little time to adjust from being stretched out so suddenly. Once I felt settled I started moving slowly. More strings of moans were let out by the both of us. Yug tried to reach out, but groaned out of anger forgetting he was restrained. 

“Damn, y/f/n let me out of these. They’re driving me insane” he uttered angrily 

“Hmm we’ll see, I quite enjoy this” I laughed. To increase the torture I decided to pause for a moment. 

“Why did you stop?” he growled. I said nothing and just looked him in the eye. I put my hands on my boobs and slowly started massaging them. I slowly started moving my hips back and forth trying to stimulate myself as much as possible. I threw my head back in pleasure that I was inducing myself. Yug was struggling to rid his arms of the restraints,

“Shit, take these things off of me. I can’t stand it, FUCK I can’t touch you” he angrily says. Seeing him struggle and beg just turns me on even more. I think it’s because of how much he exudes big dick energy, that seeing how he looks so vulnerable had me at my wits end. 

“Fuck, please!” he begs

“Damn, ok. I bet your arms are tired” I slightly give in. I lift up off him and go to untie his hands. As I release the second arm, I realize my mistake; maybe I riled him up a little too much. He suddenly pulled me on the bed and flipped me over with my arms yet again trappe above my head. My eyes were wide and my heart racing fast,

“Sweetheart, you made daddy very mad by all the teasing” he commented with his eyes covered by his bangs. Damn he looks hot.

“Oh did I?” I say with an innocent look

“Don’t play innocent sweetheart, you knew exactly what you were doing and now you’re going to pay for it” he says with a growl. He grabs my arms and one of the belts and ties them up. Well played Yug, well played. He leans over me and without warning, shoves his member into me.

“FUCK, SHIT!!” I scream out. He thrusts at a sporadic pace that drove me crazy. I knew this was payback and I greatly regretted torturing him earlier. He was missing my g-spot intentionally every now and then and it was driving me up the wall. He reached his hands up to my boobs and started massaging them while he started grinding at a slower pace. I moaned out in pleasure and I could see a smirk form on his face

“Damn, do you feel that good?” he cocks. Nothing but a string of moans leave my mouth as a response.

“So how does my princess want me to continue?” he asks continually grinding into me

“Please...harder...harder” I reply

“Harder what beautiful?”  

“Please harder daddy” 

“As you wish my queen” he replies. Damn that new name change just increased this ecstasy. He did as he was told and went harder. 

“Fuck I’m so close Yug” I moan out

“Me...too” he moaned out a reply. He slowly slid his hand up around my throat and slightly squeezed unexpectedly which caught me by surprise. My eyes crept open making direct eye contact with him

“Yug…” I squeak. His eyes are dark and lustful, but it was almost like he was broken out of a trance, he snatched his hand away and halted his movements altogether. 

“y/f/n, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I...I..” he panicked 

“Yug, it’s ok. Shit it was hot please keep going I’m so close” I assure him

“A-are you sure?” he looks with such innocent eyes

“Yug I swear If you don’t finish what we started I will end you” I threaten

“Alright alright” he says as he leans back down to kiss my lips. He started to pound into me quickly and without warning or hesitation again . He returned his hand back to my throat and after the two words of “I’m close” slipped my lips, he started to squeeze harder. I could tell he was reaching his climax due to his movements getting sloppy and the rhythm being less consistent. Deep moans rung throughout the room as we both hit our climaxes. The constriction around my neck really made it all the more euphoric. He thrusted his hips a few more times helping me ride out my high. After a few deep breaths were given out before Yugyeom collapsed beside me.

“Oh my god…” he says still trying to regain the lost air

“...that was amazing,” I finished. We turned to look at each other and he leaned down giving a long kiss to my sweaty forehead. He pulls me into his chest and I feel my eyes getting heavy. 

“You getting sleepy?” Yugyeom softly speaks up

“Mmm” was all I could respond

“Do you want to get cleaned up a little first?” he suggests

“I know I should, but I’m so lazy now” I whine in almost a sleep type manner

“Here let me help you” he responds. I feel the dip in the bed disappear and I force my eyes slightly open. Before my brain could comprehend what was going on, I felt my body being lifted off the bed.

“What are you doing?!” I exclaim in a slight chuckle

“We both need to freshen up anyways and…” he draws out

“And what?” I look at him in confusion

“Well, I don’t think Mark hyung would be appreciative of us stinking up the place” he laughs

“True he would probably stop rooming with you during tours” I laugh as we proceed to the bathroom.

“I can’t have that!! I get really lonely during tours and no one else wants to share a room but he’s the only one that doesn’t mind” he fake cries. (V Live, 05122018; http://kpopherald.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=201805131852414957228_2) 

“You cry baby” I laugh while lightly hitting him on his shoulder

“Do you mind putting me down? You’ve been standing in the bathroom, holding me in this bridal style for the past 10 minutes” I continue

“Nope, this is nice” he grins, but puts me down into the already filling bathtub...wait...when did he even do this? Oh well nevermind. I see him grab some soap he brought from the sink and pour it into the bathtub. I’m surprised, and also not, that this man would enjoy bubble baths, but I can’t complain, who doesn’t like bubble baths. After pouring a decent amount in, he hops in and sits behind me. We sit in the quietness of the bathroom with the warmth of the water and our bodies keeping us comfortable. We continued small banter back and forth until we decided that it was time for us to get out and dry ourselves off. 

Yugyeom told me to wait as he ran into the room and came back with one of his shirts for me to wear. I threw it on as he put on his own clothes as well. We went back in the room and Yugyeom jumped in the bed while I headed to the window. 

“What are you doing?” Yugyeom looks over to ask 

“Opening the window, this place might need a little airing out. Let’s spare Mark the details” I laugh

“Makes sense, but sometimes I like to bully hyung. I’ll refrain this one time though” he laughs. I laugh along as I return to the bed after opening the window. Luckily, it was a cool night so leaving the window open wouldn’t be too much trouble. We cuddled together and I could feel some heavy breathing from behind me. I turn around, and smile slightly to see he’s fast asleep. He looks so precious and cute it’s crazy to think that this same boy was the same one who went crazy down on me earlier. I turn back around to have my back against his chest when I hear my phone go off. I reach and answer it,

“Bbbiiittcchhh you done getting your back blown out?!” I hear y/n scream through the phone

“y/n you drunk?” I ask laughingly 

“Well of course! Now ANSWER MY QUESTION!” y/n sasses

“Yes we’re done lol. I was just about to fall asleep when you called. Now I’m pretty sure you’re too drunk to drive back to my place so you spending the night with your new boo?” I ask slightly groggily 

“Good! I made sure the dinner lasted a little while longer, so you’re welcome. And yes! They’re letting me head to JB’s room first to avoid any suspicion and he would follow me in later” y/n rambles on 

“That’s nice, well a bitch is getting tired so imma have to talk to you later” 

“OKIE DOKIE GOOD NIGHT!!!” y/n replies and hangs up the phone. I place my phone back on the nightstand and cuddle back into Yug before drifting off to sleep.

Previous/Next

[krreader]

Monsta X scenario → soulmate!au.

pairing: monsta x x reader fandom: monsta x warnings: soulmate!au ; language genre: angst ;fluff ; crack

a/n: so, this is the person that I’m currently in seoul with, her name is nathalie and you all know her by me mentioning her name so many fucking times, SO HEY BABE I HOPE YOU LIKE IT even tho you probably won’t see this until we’re back, so SURPRISE BITCH ♥

ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter | ko-fi | REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.

son hyunwoo

You were just enjoying this beautiful, sunny day, eating ice cream and not giving a damn about anything, when suddenly something yanked you back and your ice cream fell from the cone to the ground.

“Nooooooo,” you whined, more focused on the ice cream on the ground than the fact that something had formed on your pinky and kept pulling you back.

You were yanked back, couldn't do anything about it but let fate play out.

Until you were suddenly bumping into a.. very firm chest.

You looked into the eyes of a man who seemed to be as shocked as you were.

“Well.. hi there,” he grinned, “I'm.. Hyunwoo.. your soulmate, I guess.”

You cleared your voice, taking a step back as you watched the red string disappear from your pinkies that appeared once you and your soulmate were close to each other, “Well, Hyunwoo. I'm.. (Y/N) and you owe me ice cream.”

“Is this.. our first date then? As soulmates?”

“Mh, maybe.. depending on what kind of ice cream that you like. You can tell a lot about a person by what sort of ice cream they like, you know?”

Hyunwoo chuckled, “Alright then. Let's get some ice cream.”

shin hoseok

Everyone did this when they were young. When they were around nine or ten, they would gather in a circle, all of them having a random flower in their hand and play the good old soulmate game.

You rip out petal after petal, you start by saying: “Meet me, meet me not,” and if you're lucky enough to ever meet your soulmate in your life, you will know after this game, because it was always, absolutely always right.

However, you had never played this game, because you had seen the effect it had on people when they didn't get the result they wanted.

Most of your friends that were left with 'meet me not' were now unhappily married, single parents, drunks or hating their life, simply because they knew they would never meet their designated other.

However you were becoming older and you still hadn't met anyone close to someone you might call your soulmate and you were beginning to think that you never would.

And the only way to be sure about it was to play that godforsaken game.

“Here we go, then,” you sighed heavily, sitting on the rooftop of the building you were working in, ripping out one petal after the other, starting with meet me, like you were supposed to.

You were slow, with each fallen petal your heart began to speed up and the more petals piled on the floor, the more your hand began to tremble until there were only a handful left on the flower.

“Meet me.. meet me not.. meet me.. meet me not.. meet me..-” you started at the last petal, your heart sinking in your chest and your shoulders dropping as you sadly sad, “Meet me not.”

And as you were too busy staring at the last petal, Shin Hoseok followed a friend of his across the rooftop area with a small smile, “Thank you for having me today. It was a great meeting.”

“Are you sure you don't want to stay a little longer? This area is great..”

“Uhm.. no. I need to fly back home tomorrow morning, so I'd better get a good night's rest. But thank you for the offer.”

He would have said yes if picking the petals had ended with meet me.. he would have fallen in love tonight.. you would have.

But you two were robbed.

Robbed by fucking destiny.

lee minhyuk

Sometimes you hated the voice in your head.

Mostly when it, or you, decided to laugh.

Well, just sometimes, though. Because it sounded so.. horrible.

Like a dolphin.. but dying?

“Hey, are you okay?” your friend asked with worry on his face when you rubbed your temples.

“Yeah, sorry.. it's just.. the voice.. my soulmate.. his laugh can be very annoying..”

“What does it sound like?”

“It's like a dying dolphin? But.. he's kind of laughing.”

“Sounds like you, hyung,” Jooheon laughed, nudging Minhyuk's side when they had overheard your conversation with your friend at the coffee shop.

Jooheon went up ahead to order, but Minhyuk kept staring at you.

“Can you say fuck for me?”

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows. Deeply. Was this man okay? Mentally?

“Please.. I know it sounds weird, but.. can you please do it?”

Your friend just shrugged, you were confused as hell, but you said: “Fuck?”

“Oh my god, it's you!”

Should you be worried that he realized you were his soulmate because you said a swear word? Probably.

“You're the guy with the dying dolphin laugh?”

“I don't laugh like that. Well.. only sometimes.”

“Yeah,” you laughed a little, a bit overwhelmed right now, “Only sometimes.”

yoo kihyun

You were both too busy being on your phones to notice that you were about to walk into each other.

You were texting a friend of yours, asking her for directions to the restaurant you wanted to meet at because you were a little lost, he was texting his members, asking them if anyone wanted anything from the grocery store he was walking towards.

And then BOOM.

“Fuck,” he said.

“Shit, I'm..-” but just as you wanted to finish your sentence, both of you started to feel pain in your shoulders.

You in your left one, him in his right shoulder.

He tried to tell himself it was because of practice, but then you pulled down your blouse a little and you saw..

“Kihyun? Is.. is that you?”

And he immediately pulled down his own shirt, only to find: “(Y/N).. is that yours?”

Both of you stared at each other for a good amount of time before you both let out a laugh.

“Well, fuck.. wouldn't have thought to run into my soulmate today. Literally.”

Kihyun chuckled now and nodded, “If I had known I would have dressed up and not worn Adidas sweatpants and a shirt with a stain.”

“It has its charm,” you grinned.

chae hyungwon

Hyungwon had always worn your name on his wrist proudly.

Other idols were trying to cover it up, but he didn't give a shit. He was one of the few who was trying to find you, no matter who you were.

And thankfully so.

Because that's how you found him.

“How do you know it's him? I'm sure there's a lot of Hyungwon's out there with your name on their wrists, doesn't mean it's you,” your mother tried to reason when you walked out of the house with a suitcase.

“I won't know until I try, mom.”

And you were willing to try.

So you booked the first flight to Seoul that was available, looked up the address for their company and then you walked inside, smiling at the girl at the reception and showing her your wrist.

“I'm here for Hyungwon? Chae Hyungwon?”

You thought she'd be happy. Or at least smile. But she looked unimpressed.

“You and the last five girls that came here with that tattoo.”

“There.. were others?”

“Yes. And they all turned out to be the wrong girl, so don't get your hopes up.”

But she brought you to a meeting room anyways.

And then you waited, anxiously, your mother's words echoing in your ears now that you knew there were others before you.

But when Hyungwon finally entered the room, you both knew that this was it.

He knew that you were the real (Y/N). He could feel it. You could feel it.

“Want me to get rid of her?” his manager whispered in his ear.

“No,” Hyungwon smiled, “I found her.”

lee jooheon

Some people would say that you were the luckiest girl alive, but you didn't see it that way.

You were fortunate enough to have Lee Jooheon as your soulmate.

Yes, Monsta X’s rapper Lee Jooheon.

And because everything that your soulmate ever recorded, be it voice messages, videos, audio in general.. it would all get sent to you.

So, as a Monsta X fan, you were lucky, because you got to hear what he was working on all the time. But as a soulmate, you weren't so lucky.

Because you knew that you couldn't reach him.

Well, sure, you could send voice messages and videos and he'd see it, but you and him both knew that this wouldn't work out because of who he was and who you were.

Your life's weren't compatible, even if you being soulmates said otherwise.

So each time your phone buzzed with another notification of him having recorded something new, you opened it with a sad smile, listening to the newest amazing thing that he had come up with.

And as Jooheon was writing his verses, he received a voice message that you must have sent to a friend.

“I wish we were different, you know? I just wish he'd be normal like me or I was talented like him so that I could be with him.. but it will never work out. And I'm just.. so proud of him.. of who he is and who he will become.. but at the same time I'd just wish he wasn't like this..”

Yeah.. so did he.

im changkyun

You had seen countless of movies where this shit happens.

Where the same day repeats over and over again. One time it was a horror movie and the guy kept reliving the day that he died, but kept dying differently. That one was bad.

But this was different, because this was what everyone went through once they were close to their soulmate.

Usually people were excited, really.

But you were fucking tired of it, because of all the places that you had to find your soulmate, it was the fucking airport.

“Listen to me,” you started, staring at the security guard angrily, “I've been trying to find my stupid soulmate for at least four weeks now, I know you don't remember me, but I remember you, George. I fucking remember you. So let me through, because this is the only part that I haven't looked for him and he has to be in there.”

“I'm sorry, Miss, but I can't let you through unless you have a boarding pass.”

“Fine.. you know what? I'll buy one. I'll buy one right now.”

You were tired of this bullshit, you just wanted to return to your normal life and not see these asshole airport people that were rude and hated their jobs.

So you bought the cheapest flight ticket they had to offer and then checked in, forcing yourself not to flip George off.

And as you were already through, you could see someone walk out of the Terminal out of the corner of your eye that was clearly in a hurry.

He saw you, then you saw him and you both immediately knew it.

“Ah fucking hell, where have you been, I was..-” but just as you wanted to turn back around, George shook his head.

“You can't go out this way.”

“George.. I am about to get really, really, really angry.”

“You need to go all the way around to get back out.”

Your soulmate better be worth all the trouble.

But when you looked back at him, Changkyun grinned at you sweetly and.. well.. he might be.

[wallstagram]

june - july fic rec: month(s) in review

hello & welcome back to the june - july edition of fic rec: month(s) in review! we have a L O T to unpack this time, so let’s dive right in! throughout june & july, we have been blessed with the majority of @larryabroad, as well as the bulk of @hlsummerexchange2019, all of @wordplayfics, wanker’s day fic fest, and many more that i’m probably forgetting. summer was a great time to be a fic reader for sure, thank you to every author who contributed!! 

**disclaimer: not all of these fics were written in june/july, it is simply when i read them. however, a lot of them were. ***note: as always, if you do take my recommendation and read any of these works, please bookmark, comment, and leave kudos for these authors!! it is so important that we support the creators in our community. as an author, i know a sweet comment will often spur me to keep writing when i’m stuck. but, without further ado, here’s my recs below the cut!

J U N E : :

You Were Made To Be Mine by lovelarry10 (@chloehl10)

Louis Tomlinson takes his 6 year old son Jacob to see Harry Styles in concert. Jacob has been a huge fan of Harry's for as long as he can remember, so it's a dream come true when Harry notices him in the pit. But Jacob isn't all that Harry has his eye on...

Louis is a bit embarrassed when Harry picks on him from the stage, but when he's invited backstage after the show, he wonders what Harry Styles could possibly want with a single dad and his kid from Manchester...

This was such a cute read! At a whopping 580k, there is a LOT to sink your teeth into. Though I started it at the beginning of June, I haven’t even nearly finished yet, but it’s so good that it’s made it onto my rec list!

Get Off and Vote by haztobegood (@haztobegood)

Niall lets out a loud laugh, “Hey, listen to this. You know how elections are Tuesday? It says the Babeland on the edge of campus is giving out free toys to the first 100 people that show their ‘I Voted’ sticker.”

“How patriotic.” Louis laughs. “Maybe I should go.”

Haha! This one was great. At 3k, it’s a perfect quick read for some sexy, patriotic fun. 

Surprise Me, Space Boy by jacaranda_bloom (@jacaranda-bloom)

Louis is a solo officer on Space Station Zeta and the isolation can present many challenges, not least of which is that it’s really bloody hard to date. He’s pinning his hopes on that changing with a fellow solo officer, Harry, from a neigbouring station who gives great banter and has a gorgeous smile. Maybe online dating has its benefits after all?

OR The Space Wank Fic.

Oh, this one was so good!!! The thing I love about literally anything Dee writes is that she just thinks completely outside the box. I feel like I never quite know what’s going to happen (in the best way!) and her originality totally made this fic amazing. (7k)

rivers ‘til i reach you by embodied (@crossnecklace)

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

This was such a good read! It’s written in such a way that you’re utterly sucked into the verse so much that you’re a bit sappy when the fic is over. Kinda makes you feel a bit lovedrunk just from reading it. (29k)

Found My Hallelujah by crimsontheory (@ireallysawanangel)

As an engagement gift from his parents, Harry and his fiance receive an all expenses paid cruise trip for two. But one week before they're set to sail, Harry walks in on his fiance cheating on him. Newly single, with the cruise tickets in hand, and his bags already packed, Harry brings along his sister instead. And maybe the cute bartender on the ship might just be the person Harry needs to help him put back together all of his broken pieces.

I have so much to say about this one! I had the absolute honor of beta’ing this 35k work (which im pretty sure i just cheerlead you bc nicole you know grammar isn’t my strong suit...lmfao) and honestly it has become a fic that i love so much! nicole is such a talented writer; everything she writes just brings out so much emotion from her audience, and she has such a great sense of characterization! if you liked this one, check out its sequel, Now I’m Moving Up because it’s great too!!!!

J U L Y : :

Whisk me off my feet by allwaswell16 (@allwaswell16)

When Louis locks himself out of his apartment in just a pair of novelty underwear, he hopes his new neighbor can come to his rescue.

Haha! This one was so cute! What a darling fic! (5k)

The Charles Compass Trilogy by SadaVeniren (@sadaveniren)

Louis Tomlinson is a successful writer who rents a beach house on the Cape to try and finish the final book in his successful Charles Compass trilogy.

So I’m convinced that any rec list I make will not be complete if Sada isn’t on it. Here’s the thing - I fell in love with this story before she was revealed as the author, and honestly I had no clue. She’s got this amazing way of being able to change her style to fit the kind of story she’s trying to tell. This is such a good look at the writing process, highly recommend! (9k)

From The Heart series by jacaranda_bloom (@jacaranda-bloom)

Every Tuesday, Louis spends his day off holed up in his favorite coffee-come-bookshop, writing his little stories as part of the WordPlay challenge while daydreaming about the resident barista, Harry. Each week a new word prompt is revealed and Louis adds to his series of short stories about Henry, the owner of a B&B in the Cotswolds who has curly hair and dimples, Lewis, his long term guest who just happens to be a writer, and Tigger, Henry’s cat.

As Louis and Harry’s friendship develops, could his fantasy world spill out into real life? And how does that reader who leaves the lovely comments with the teacup emoji seem to be able to read Louis’ mind?

Okay, Dee really killed the game this time. Because I was OBSESSED. I mean honestly checking my phone at work to see what the newest installment was. This series is so fulfilling and so so hot to think about as an author! (25k)

blue eyes, black jeans, lighters, candy by delsicle (@emperorstyles)

Harry is in Madrid and Louis had a hard week.

So, the whole dom on tour series is really good, but this is my favorite work of the two. I love basically anything Delaney writes but this was extremely hot! (4k)

Could you love me anyway by SadaVeniren (@sadaveniren)

Dear Mistress Lorin: I’ve been reading your blog for a couple weeks now and was hoping you’d give me some advice for something that happened with me and my boyfriend. I’m really worried that I hurt him.

aka Harry and Louis begin playing ping pong during the X-Factor Tour. It quickly gets out of hand.

Okay. If you know me at all, you know that the way to my heart is either spanking, kink negotiation, or both. This just delivers on it all, and it catches on some main parts of BDSM-for-newbies and kink-gone-wrong that people often pretend never happens. I could gush so much about this, but go ahead and just read it yourself because it’s too good to miss!! (13k)

you are half of me (and I am all for you) by angelichl (@angelichl)

One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.

Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?

Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.

Okay WOW. I have so much to say about this one!!! So first off, the biggest thank you to adri for writing this fic for me for HL Summer Exchange!!! Honestly I feel like you spied through all my hopes and dreams and loves (including parenthesis in fic titles??? love it) and squished it all into this fic. it’s just the best fic, and it feels like warm summer air and tracing constellations in the stars and falling in love. if you haven’t read this already, please do!!!! It was so good I teared up when I first read it! (25k)

Heading for Limbo by kingsofeverything (fullonlarrie) (@kingsofeverything)

Childhood best friends who’ve fallen in and out of touch with each other since Louis’ family moved away when they were thirteen, Harry and Louis find their paths crossing again and again. Each time, no matter how many miles apart or how many years it’s been, it’s as if no time has passed. They fall back into their easy friendship, until life intervenes and sends them on their separate ways once more.

When Harry discovers some life-changing things about himself, Louis is there for him, however he needs. But it’s all temporary because Louis has plans that will move his life from New York all the way to L.A. and the distance isn’t the only thing between them.

The pieces of their twice broken hearts are scattered from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

Okay. Okay. This fic literally is one I will remember for the rest of my life, and i’m not even being dramatic about it! So, I really do enjoy leaving authors detailed comments about their fics, but that just wasn’t enough... I really had to message Lauren this whole essay about how Heading for Limbo helped me deal with a lot of emotions I was feeling in my own personal life, and it helped me fully realize that i’m bisexual. (did i just come out?? yikes) it was nice to see a fic where things weren’t perfect over a long stretch of time. It was amazing to see Harry realize his sexuality later in life, because that was one of my main struggles. this fic is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Literally, Lauren, thanks for changing my whole life!!! (101k)

Tell Me This Is Paradise by QuickedWeen (@becomeawendybird)

Harry Styles has been lucky in love but unlucky in the bedroom with all of her previous boyfriends. When her best friend Niall finds out that she's never had an orgasm, she knows just what Harry needs: Louis Tomlinson. Niall sets Harry up to get sorted out.

Okay, if you’re new around here, this fic was also on one of my previous rec lists, but then Molly had to ruin my life and write another chapter of it. Jesus Christ!!!! I literally could read this fic every single day and die happily. It’s so hot, and the characterization is so good. So, I guess this rec is specifically for chaper 2, but you’ve gotta read chapter 1 also! For the betterment of your life, of course. (9k)

Abstract by Star55 (@star55)

After Zayn draws a naked Harry for her art class, she finds that she can't stop drawing Harry and Louis' naked bodies, usually engaged in some form of sexual activity.

Literally - this was hot as balls. Loved it! (8k)

alright guys, that’s it! if you read all the way to the bottom, you deserve a sticker. i hope you guys enjoy some of my favorite fics i’ve read! don’t forget to go bookmark, comment, and give kudos! and just remember: we are all human. if you read a work, and loved it, and didn’t comment, it’s never too late! give your author some loooooooove. my life has been super busy and i really haven’t been in the place to leave the thought-out comments i like to, so most of these authors can expect comments from me soon. thank you to all the authors listed above, have a nice day everyone! also, feel free to send your favorite fics into my ask - maybe they’ll end up on my next list!!!

[mayansmcx]

Hell Hath No Fury

Hi all! I’ve literally never done creative writing but I’ve been so fixated on finding Mayans fan fic. As an obsessive fan and reader, I’ve read pretty much all of them. So that led me to trying to write my own to try and fill some of the need for more! Deciding whether or not to make this an Angel/Nestor love triangle thing or not. I like messy relationships. Let me know that you think!

————————————————

Working in the Mayors office wasn’t my lifelong aspiration but after working for a Congressman who embodied all that was bad in politics, I couldn’t get away fast enough. That’s what led me here, to Santo Padre. I always knew I wanted to work in politics, but leaving so abruptly from the office in DC, and under the circumstances, it was difficult to find a job in any level of the field where my old boss wouldn’t immediately try and sabotage. Luckily, Santo Padre doesn’t even qualify as a dot on a map and so my former boss had no damn idea I was applying here or the connection I had to get into this office.

Mayor Antonia Pena needed a new Chief of Staff after hers went ghost and never showed up for work again - they still don’t know why he bailed or why he never came to get the stuff from his desk, but apparently his last few months there he started to spiral: drinking all the time, jumpy, bursts of anger... the works. No one was entirely surprised he left, by what I’ve been told.

Its a pretty mundane gig. The town is, for the most part, quiet. The outlaw biker gang, the Mayans, have some weird unspoken arrangement with the cops where they help keep the town as safe as they can on their respective sides of the law.

We never see much of the outlaws, which is why it is weird as shit that the head of the motorcycle gang just walked into our office and requested an urgent meeting with the mayor. Usually I try and field these requests and take the meeting for her, but in this case she wants to meet directly.

“Come on back, the mayor is ready for you Mr.....” I trail off, as I realize I never actually caught his name.

“Just call me Bishop. And this is Taza.” He says, gesturing to the man next to him.

“Nice to meet you Bishop and Taza. My name is Lennon. I’ll be staffing the meeting.” I reply politely.

“Lennon, we were kind of hoping for a private meeting with the Mayor, no offense.” Bishop says, running his hand through his hair, seeming a little tense.

“As the Mayors Chief, it’s my job to staff her. If it makes you feel better, whatever you say in there, I’m going to find out anyway. I’m the cogs that make everything run for this office. I take on the grunt work so she can focus on the big picture. It’s usually easier for me to hear things directly than getting the recap later.” I explain, hoping they understand what it is that I do.

“Ah, so you’re the one who makes shit happen” Taza lets off a quick chuckle.

“More or less.” I give a light laugh, “she makes the decisions, I coordinate it to make it reality. Makes her life easier, and gives me a job.”

I open the door the Mayor’s office and invite them in. Mayor Pena is reviewing paperwork for the newest city council proposal for repairing the sidewalks by the school.

“Hey boss, our drop in is here” I alert her.

She sees our visitors and promptly puts the papers back into their folder before standing up to greet them.

“Bishop it’s so nice to see you again. Or at least I believe it is for now, it depends on what you’re about to discuss” Antonia states, trying to sound relaxed, but the rigidness in her body language is hard to ignore.

Bishop smirks, “Well, you know us, always trying to stay out of your hair. That’s why we feel bad about coming to you. We need a favor.”

Antonia relaxes a little, which I find odd (all things considered). “Well, tell me what I can do for you” she replied confidently.

“One of our guys is locked up in Indio right now. Nothing bad, just a little drunk and disorderly charge after a bar fight. Given the fact that he’s wearing his kutte, they seem to be going a little harder on him.” Bishop explains.

“Ah yes, those damn biker stereotypes foil a nice evening once again!” Antonia says as she plet off a genuine laugh which Taza and Bishop joined in on as well. “We’ll see what we can do. Lennon, I’m going to need you to work this today.” Antonia said as her eyes met mine.

“You got it, boss.” I nodded quickly. “Now gentleman, why don’t we go grab some coffee and you can tell me what it is that we’re working with.” They both stood up and followed me out of the building and across the street to Tino’s Café.

We place get our orders and grab a seat in the back corner.

“Alright Mr. Leader of a motorcycle gang, what’s the situation” I say playfully. Humor and playful banter is my go-to for alleviating any tension. People tend to ease up with a fun-loving approach.

“It’s not a gang, it’s a club. And my official title is president”, Bishop says as firmly as he points to the patch on his chest before he lets off a quick laugh. “Anyways, like I told the Mayor, one of our guys is in lock up in Indio. He drank a little too much and some hedge fund lookin’ kid got mouthy. Shit escalated, a fight broke out. Hedge fund kid cried about the big bad biker and got off, said he wanted to press charges, and then our guy was hauled away.” He states matter-of-factly.

“Ok, that’s not too bad.” I say as I mull over the facts. “What’s his name?” I ask.

“Reyes. Angel Reyes.” Taza, who I now see has a Vice-President patch, answers. “Two of our guys, Coco and EZ were with him. They made it back this morning.”

“Alright, give me a second and I’ll make a call to up there and see what magic I can work” I tell them as I get up and walk outside, not waiting for them to okay my decision.

I google the number to their police department and dial. It rings three times before someone answers.

“Indio Police Department, this is Officer McMann” a monotone voice comes on the line.

“Hi, my name is Lennon Parker and I’m the Chief of Staff for Mayor Antonia Pena here in Santo Padre. I hear you have one of our constituents. Who do I need to speak to about the charges and possible release.” I say in my ‘official and authoritative’ voice.

“No one. He’s staying here. He’s not getting bail given the fact that he’s a member of a known criminal group.” He finishes his statement and immediately hangs up the phone.

I walk back into the coffee shop not bothering to hide my annoyance.

“That idiot hung up on me. Looks like I’m talking a trip to Indio. Can’t hang up on me to my face.” I snap as I grab my purse.

Both men raise their eyebrows and look at each other.

“I like your attitude, kid” Taza tells me. “We’ll send some of our guys with you.”

“It’s fine, I should be okay getting there and back.” I express, a little confused as to why they’d want someone to accompany me.

“Nah, he’s one of ours. And after last night, if Coco and EZ aren’t there to talk shit when he gets out, they’re gonna feel real sad” Taza laughs.

“Can’t deny you guys these simple joys in life. Have them meet me at the office in 20 minutes and we’ll go from there.” I concede.

I stroll back to the Mayor’s office and let Antonia know what’s going on.

“Be smart, Len.” She tells me, “I know how your mouth can get you in trouble.” She tries to laugh it off, but deep down we both know she’s serious.

I’ve only been working for her for six months, but we met each other about a decade ago when I was in a fellowship program and she was working for the City Planner. She was a good bit older than me, but somehow our friendship still clicked. She took on the roll as friend, and surrogate big sister. It’s why I didn’t want the Chief job the first time around. Mixing professional with personal can get messy.

“Oh c’mon Toni, there’s no fun in this if I can’t ruffle some feathers.” I winked at her as I walk out of her office at sound of motorcycles fast approaching.

I walk out to the parking lot and see two men hop off their bikes. One is shorter and lean with long hair and eyes that scream “don’t fuck with me”. His black and white plaid jacket was under his kutte. The other is tall, well built with short hair and a cut off shirt that drew attention to his muscular arms. His kutte wasn’t like the rest, it was less adorned and had a simple “PROSPECT” patch.

Without any pause, I introduce myself. “Hi I’m Lennon, you must be EZ and Coco. Now who is who?”

“Im EZ” the tall one raises his hand. I reach out to shake his hand, which he meets.

“So that makes you Coco.” I say as I move my hand to shake his. He looks at my hand for a second before giving it a quick shake as he nods.

“I assume you all don’t want to ride in my car, so if you want, follow me or meet me there. Whatever you want.” I tell them as I turn around and walk to my car.

“Alright, catch you there” one of them says, I don’t look back to see which one.

I turn the music up in my Audi A4 and start my drive. Getting lost in my thoughts as I strategize every possible path to getting this stranger out of jail.

Almost two hours later, I arrive at the jail. The two bikers are already sitting in the parking lot smoking their cigarettes.

“Took you long enough.” Coco says, not even bothering to make eye contact.

“Well you know, if I try and split lanes like you guys get to, it becomes a car accident.” I retort with no hesitation or care about his coldness. “Let’s go do this thing. Let me do the talking, they’re already holding the whole ‘biker’ thing against him.”

EZ opens his mouth to say something, before realizing there is no logical point he can make to find flaw in what I have just said.

I turn around, and walk up the steps. Throwing my shoulders back, I open the door and walk to the front desk. Quickly checking the name tag of the officer at the desk, I note it’s the same ass I spoke to on the phone. My annoyance from earlier reemerges.

“Hi Officer McMann. My name is Lennon, we spoke earlier. I need you to go get your superior.” I smile sweetly, but my tone reads more menacingly.

“No, he’s busy. If it’s about that biker, I already told you, he’s staying put.” He tells me, completely unphased.

“Oh no, officer. You seem to be mistaken. I did not request to speak to your superior. It was an order.” I say, losing all pretense of fake politeness.

I immediately see someone come out of the office in the back.

“Officer McMann, what seems to be the problem?” The older officer asks.

“This woman would like to speak with you, Chief, regarding the release of biker from their po-dunk down. She works for the Mayor” McMann tells his boss.

“Well it seems like you’ve wasted your time coming down here if you’re trying to get him out” the Chief tells me, the air of superiority he has immediately gets under my skin.

“Well, Chief… Ryan, is it? Chief Ryan, you seem to think this is an exercise in futility because our city is, what did this inept officer say? Po-dunk? I didn’t come down here to try and get Mr. Reyes released, I came here to do it.” My sickly sweet smile now dissipates. “You see, you might think I’m a nobody from a nothing-to-do town, but before I worked for our Mayor, I worked in DC, for a Congressman. You know what’s nice about being a Chief of Staff for a Congressman? All of the connections I made.” The Chiefs face falters and fear starts to creep into his eyes as he realizes he doesn’t have the upper hand in this discussion anymore. “In fact, I have your Senator and Assemblymember here in my contacts. I’m sure you know what they do, right? They help secure your funding. Senator Monroe and Assemblywoman Ruiz are quite fond of me after a bill our offices all worked together, I’m sure they’d love to hear about your prejudicial treatment of one of the Mayor’s constituents. So now, before I have to escalate this - which based on the look of your face is something you don’t want – go release Mr. Reyes and see to it that no charges are filed.” I finish, the confidence and ferocity of my voice is lost on no one.

“But… you see, we’ve already started the paperwork for the case…” the Chief states, clearly rattled.

The falsely sweet smile returns to my face, “I’m sorry, did I stutter?” The smile drops again, “I said release him. Any paperwork you’ve filed sounds like a personal problem. One that you can fix once you release Mr. Reyes.”

Chief Ryan is quiet for a few seconds. “McMann, go get Mr. Reyes and apologize for our mistake” he tells the young officer

“Good call” I tell him as he sulks back to his office.

“Damn girl” Cocos voice calls from behind me, the previous coldness in his tone was gone “that was some good shit. Old boy looked like he saw fuckin’ Jesus for a second.”

“I don’t like being talked down to. Especially not by some old white dude with an ego.” I shrugged.

“You didn’t knock him down a peg, you kicked his ass down the stairs” Coco is replied.

“Look here he comes Angel” EZ says as we look up and see an extremely tall, well built man with a beard getting uncuffed at the end of the hall.

He walks out rubbing his wrists which bear indentations from the handcuffs and are lightly red.

Before they can start to talk shit to him, I jump in.

“Hi Angel. I’m Lennon. The Mayor sent me here as a favor to your president. I wanted to introduce myself before these two start giving you shit” I say as I shake his hand.

“Nice to meet you. And thanks” he says casually.

I walk out of precinct, the three men close behind me.

“Nice job there, genius. You can’t go around punching rich blonde pretty boys and not catch shit.” I hear Coco tell him.

I tune out the rest of their friendly bashing as we get to where we parked.

“So, we have two bikes and a car. Is Angel going to be riding bitch or will his gargantuan ass need to ride with me?” I say, clearly comfortable with the situation at hand which catches them off guard.

“Uh, yeah. That’s good. Still a little hungover from last night so I appreciate it.” Angel tells me as looks back at his friends.

“Alright then Sasquatch, get in.” I jokingly command. “But don’t expect too much quiet.”

“Whatever you say, lady.” He shrugs.

“I’ll see you guys wherever I drop off Floyd Mayweather here.�� I tell the two men on their bikes.

“Mayweather? I can read.” Angel tells me, obviously a little taken back by my personality.

“For some reason, I doubt that.” I tell him deadpan before smirking.

I laugh as I slide behind the wheel of my car, “Let’s go Angel. You have two hours with me. Let’s see how much you can handle.”

“Damn little girl. If i would have known they were gonna send a comedian, I might have stayed in jail.” Angel says as he keeps the banter going.

“I like her!” EZ yells to the other guys before he starts up his bike.

“Fuckin’ great” he rolls his eyes, the sarcasm in his voice immediately followed by him shaking his head with a smile. “Lets go!” he chirps as he slides into the passenger seat.

This will be fun.

[elfangel94]

Teen Top in San Jose 2019

Concert Day

So I woke up at 6am and started getting ready. At around 9 I woke everyone else up and they got ready as well. I was dressed as joker for the costume contest but I decided I would put the wig on last minute before they took the picture. Unfortunately because it was so disorganized I wasn’t able to be photographed at all (more on that later). We got to the venue around 3:30 and there was almost no one there. A little later around 4-ish my brother spotted cap walking around the building with either staff or a body guard (we watched him but didn’t scream or say/do anything I don’t think he even noticed us we were pretty far away). Eventually people started showing up and staff came out. I had assumed that the contest would be first with all the participants gathered and then photographed, me and my sister wanted to take our pic together but I had already been lined up for the fan signing when she was photographed. I didn’t want to go in and see the boys in costume but they were very confusing and instead of some sort of order the photos were taken really randomly and some people were missed. After we were inside the venue they took some more but I was already changed. Anyway, I go in and in order Niel, cap, Chunji, Ricky and changjo are seated at the table. I walked up and gave Niel my letter and his gifts

Niel: “Hi!”

Me: “hi”

Niel: “To.. Teen Top?”

Me: “yes! And you!”

Niel: “and me?! Thank you~!” (He has the cutest lil voice)

I move on to cap and we say hi he started handing me the album and I was reaching for it when we both realized he had to pass it to Chunji 🤣 (we officially share the same one braincell) Chunji was really bright when he said hi and had this like idk naughty boy face I’m not sure how to describe it but I was weAK. Then on to Ricky who said “hi Rebekah!” I almost didn’t say hi because I was having a spongebob moment in which all my brains cells were having a meltdown over him saying my name. I moved on to changjo who had the warmest smile and just seemed so happy to see me. We said hi and thank you like the others (the interactions are so brief but me being a shy ass knucklehead who can’t do a speak makes it even shorter lol) after that I exited to queue up for the hi touch (this is where I had to change my clothes and I held up the line iM SO SORRY T-T) The hi touch was sO fAsT I barely remember it. I just remember being too nervous to look at them lmao so once that was over we went round again and did the group pic. I get inside and the lady told me to kneel next to changjo (kneel for changjo? glAdLY mY KinG) and he just kept looking at me and smiling so warmly and then he leaned on me and BOYYYYYEEEEEEE HE SMELL SO GOOD 😭 they took the pictures and changjo looked at me and said “thank you!” we literally created a new language consisting of only the phrase “thank you” because I’d say thank you then he’d say thank you then I’d say thank you again because I’m fucking dumb. But he understands. So we finished and went into the auditorium where I sat next to a really sweet cool girl dressed as Harley Quinn(who was also a VAV Stan I was so happy to meet another VAMPZ in real life😭💜). I don’t know her name but I was really thankful she struck up a convo because I was so nervous and anxious and her talking really helped me calm down a bit and she watched my seat for me when I had to go to the restroom so whoever and wherever you are thank you you are truly an Angel 😇 💜 I missed the boys coming out because I had a bathroom break and I legit ran back and started recording as I got back inside. At first I was afraid of getting too close to the stage but after a song or two I was like fuck it yolo bitch I’m moving uP and stood right next to the stage. Changjo was on that side mostly but Niel came over quite a bit too and Ricky as well towards the end of the concert. I was so close I could touch them (I wouldn’t and didn’t! Don’t fucking touch people!) I was really hoping one of them would take my phone but alas ‘‘twas not meant to be ☹️ but Niel, changjo, Ricky and Chunji all looked right at me and into my phone so that’s good enough for me 😭 some people said cap made a mistake but I missed it (I saw it later on my video 😂) all I saw was him absolutely dyInG of laughter. Boy was laughing so hard he couldn’t rap properly 😂he covered his face all embarrassed (he’s the cutest lil bean and I will break your knees if you say different) he was sitting down a lot tho and I’m really outta the loop lately so I don’t know if he was injured or not but I hope he’s ok :(

During Crazy changjo committed a murder by blowing a kiss to this poor girl in front and as her life slipped away as she fell to the floor he stood back and smugly appreciated his handy work. It was damn cute. Every time Niel came close my heart just went a little “AHHHHHHHHJDJDJDNDBRVSUSKRNFDIEJDJ”🥺 I still can’t believe how close I was. The encores were the best changjo threw water on us and got me wet now I’m never showering again. After the concert we had to wait for snapshots and since my little sister got 1st place in the costume contest she went first and I went with her to get her group photo with the boys. They came out into the lobby (also I was so proud of the fans No one was shrieking, chasing or tryna grab them it was very calm and intimate with them just kinda standing around with us for a Bit while things were organized) and immediately gravitated to her they all said hi to her and Ricky and changjo were going on about how cute she was. They all got up on the stairs an she zoomed up to get next to Niel. She was hidden by the other girls but Niel helped her get positioned so she could be seen it was such a precious interaction I wish I could have recorded it :( Once she was done she went back to my dad and I went to get my snapshots. First I got cap he was sitting down and I don’t remember if he said anything or not I said hi we took the pic then we said thank you and I got in line for Chunji. Chunjis greetings were Always so bright he said hi and he wrapped his arm around me (I felt like the queen of the world my dude Chunji has an affect) i finished we both said thank you and I got in line for Niel. About halfway down the line I started getting teary-eyed and had to do everything In my power to not have an absolute break down. When I got to him We both said hi and then we took the photo and he wrapped his arm around me and put his head on mine and held me so snugly and close. I almost started crying again but there was no way I’m crying in front of Niel cap Chunji and all these people so a bitch sucked those tears up. We take the photo and say thank you but as I start to walk forward to leave Niel quickly bent down and moved a basket full of film cartridges out of the way 🥺 I said thank you (shocker) and he says “you’re welcome” in his precious lil voice. I finished and went to go get my photo with changjo and Ricky. Ricky said hi all bubbly and cheery but he quickly changed when we did the pose. Ricky put on his smolder 😩I tried to stare him down too but ended up having to look away and just focus on the camera at the last second. I was wRECKeD. I was so disoriented by the smolderTM that I started to run away and almost forgot my picture 😭🤣Last but not least I finally get to changjo and again he just makes you feel like you’re the only person there and that he’s been waiting all his life just to meet you. I held his (huge) hand in his and kinda felt bad cuz he was so warm and soft and I was damn near frozen solid. Once I got my photo I realized I was done ☹️ so I went outside to wait for my sisters. I don’t really know what else to say other than they were just as amazing as the first time I saw them and I feel like I’ve been renewed, reborn, rejuvenated just by seeing them. I had so much fun the boys were wonderful the fans were wonderful and very respectful no grabbing (that I saw) or unnecessary shrieking in inappropriate times just overall really great and I really hope to do this again some day. Everyone was wonderful and the staff especially were very nice and helpful but the way some things were managed was very poorly and confusing other than that everything went great. I really hope they read my letter because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted to say to them and I need them to know just how much they’ve helped me in life.