#i’ve missed a lot this year bc i’ve been so exhausted

[endlessdreaming]

i think my days of waking up at odd hours of the night for shinee are over 😩

[readerwithsalt]

Sun and the Star Review: (With snippets from the book)

Since I just finished The Sun and the Star I’m just gonna say the first thing I have a problem with is the TELLING and NOT SHOWING.

• And I was wondering if anyone thought that they made Will super lame and ooc compared to previous cooler depictions of him. Like he’s supposed to be Super Chill under pressure and the Calm Dude but he’s so WHINY the entire book. He’s constantly complaining, judging, screaming, crying or sleeping. The cool, chill vibe Will had before is gone which was one of the things I liked about him before.

• someone else said ‘Tsats Will thinks there’s something wrong with Nico, something wrong with his personality. Will thinks Nico needs to be “fixed” and “healed” and so he can be “normal” and then Nico will be actually appealing to Will. Tsats Will may love some parts of Nico (or at least thinks he loves some parts of Nico). But there are more parts of Nico that Will finds unsavory or unnerving or scary or unsettling or unsatisfactory or unappealing’ I agree sadly

• Like he tells Nico in the beginning of the book that he’s just as capable of survival as Nico (which I snorted at cause no) and then is the hugest burden I’ve ever seen on a quest EVER in a riordan book. Like Nico tries to lift Will up every time he passes out from ‘lack of sun’ (which is so stupid btw) and Nico can’t lift him up cause he’s not strong enough so he’s constantly WAITING on Will. And it’s really boring to read about how every few seconds Nico has to turn around and let his boyfriend catch up.

I think Will’s character could have shined and been more likable in a completely different plot and quest.

Like, I thought since they weren’t giving Will any weapons that his strengths would lie in being the fast athletic character that didn’t need a magic item in order to show off…

• the whole ‘role reversal’ caretaker thing made Will look completely useless. Nico did 80 percent of the work and Will sadly fell flat. I thought he was coming along to keep Nico safe and to heal him when he got injured but Nico was pretty much doing almost every job. It was like he was riding Nico’s coattails to become a ‘hero’ and prove himself. But he didn’t really prove anything except that he complains a lot when things get rough.

They didn’t give Will a character weapon (even Piper has one and she doesn’t fight that much. Neither does Leo and he at least uses a hammer) they made him exhausted the whole book so he didn’t have his normal physical strength, his backstory was also pretty boring.

• and Will keeps randomly getting irritated at Nico bc Nicos irritated at him. Like?? Your shitting on his underworld home every chance you get. I’d be irritated too.

• in previous books he’s described as an archer. Even tho Leo calls him ‘the archer dude’ in TLH he suddenly doesn’t know how to use a bow AT ALL. He only said he wasn’t as good as his siblings not that he was complete shit at it. Previously he used a bow and had a dagger in BOO. Also will randomly says he never wanted to be a fighter and loved healing but in previous books he’s insecure about just that. Also the book forgets Will is a BATTLEFIELD MEDIC. Like he can fight and heal just like Apollo.

• Will whines constantly. And it’s grating and annoying to read. Either about the lack of sun (you knew what you were getting into dumbass) or the dead people walking around or about Nico’s horrible ‘darkness’ that he has to heal. It’s like he never thinks of Nicos feelings when he says stuff. And there little ‘fights’ end unsatisfactory.

• The vibe of Camp-Half-Blood is nonexistent. It does not feel like camp at all. It feels like we’re in a 12 year olds fanfic mind. ALL of the campers are gone even though it’s been established MANY are orphans and we see no beloved background characters and background chaos that makes us smile like in the past books. It made me surprisingly more depressed than I thought it would.

• it’s also missing the mystique of a quest. Like going up to the big house to have the quest recited around a table full of cabin counselor demigods all fighting to be the third member to prove themself a hero (mostly the ares cabin) no matter how important a quest in pjo was for Percy Chiron ALWAYS enforced certain rules. Even if they broke later on.

• Loose Ends. Reyna is. Not. Mentioned. Once. It never comes up how Nico feels about his big sister friend joining the hunters like his other one did even tho in BOO he tore apart a courtyard cause they took her. The girl whose shoulder he cried into, the girl who was with him during his last quest. The girl who thought of him as a little brother and tucked him in her cape and said he resembled his surname as he slept.

Hazel is mentioned… but it’s literally just a couple shallow mentions that don’t have anything to do with the fact that he may not ever see her again if he revisits Tartarus. He mentions his beloved little sister who was the actual first light in his life (don’t know why the book says Will is) in a long time only once and it’s because he can’t remember something and thinks Hazel would?? It’s weird that he iris messages Piper at the end instead of Hazel. I thought that’s what he was going to do and then it was just a big cringe fest of Piper shoved in at the end talking about the label of her sexuality?? Like we actually care??

And It’s never stated that Nico finds out where Jason is even though HE SHOULD KNOW. He literally talks to Beckendorf and Luke when they die in pjo to find out where they went but he can’t figure out where his best friend is??

Also at the end of the book it says Nico still hasn’t redecorated his cabin even though he told Jason he was going to a YEAR AGO bc the ‘decor was disgusting’ (I think that was the worst loose end not fixed 😂)

Every other relationship of Nicos is thrown away so he can admire Will Solace’s mediocrity. who’s kinda a loser in this tbh….

• The Percabeth scene was weird. What relevance does sally jackson have to Nico’s story? Why did he have to go all the way to Percy’s bedroom to iris message him?? And the fact he uses the ship name Percabeth to describe them (which he’d never done in previous books) proves a cringe fan is the one writing this.

The fact that they don’t OFFER TO HELP Nico is ooc of them. Bc even if Percy wants to chill at college he would never want Nico to clean up his mess without offering his help. Also the fact that Percy turns to Annabeth and says ‘oh man I forgot about him’ is like… WHAT?? And they just say oh yea if anyone can get through Tartarus it’s you two.

To Will who’s never been on a quest and doesn’t fight (at least in this book) that’s a weird thing to say. Percy and annabeth only survived bc they’ve fought together FOR YEARS. And bc of Percy’s big three power. It was just a forced add in cameo. Would’ve been better if they didn’t know till the end that Nico got Bob out and then they suddenly see Bob in an iris message and start crying or something…

• it broke my heart that Nico gave his SKULL RING to Will. The last gift from Bianca Nico ever got and he gives it to someone that doesn’t even appreciate his element.

And what does Nico get in return? A coin. I mean, an engraved coin but still. It’s kinda symbolic of the relationship. Nico giving Will something of such RELEVANCE to Nico’s character, something he’s always described with wearing and then Nico receiving a token in turn.

• Will asks Persephone how he’s SUPPOSED TO LOVE NICO. Like I almost blew up my house with me in it at that part. It never feels like Will is as attracted to Nico as Nico is to him. Nico instigates every kiss (which is ooc of him and his reservedness to touch). It seems Will likes to look at others a lot because one of Nicos insecurities were of him staring at fucking Paolo. While being right next to his boyfriend, Will checks out other people… Like Nico deserves so much better. He at least deserves respect.

I would’ve appreciated Nico and Ghost Jason way more than this shit. At least Jason described Nico better and they weren’t even dating. And I liked Solangelo before this. Will never describes physical attributes that he likes about Nico the same way Nico does about Will. Like Nicos inky dark eyes and baby bat winged hair, and his smile that is apparently like winter sun breaking through snow flurries, and his hair smelling pleasantly of rain against stone (I think Apollo is more attracted to Nico than Will is). But Nico has to call Will hot every five min.

• Also I simply don’t understand the idea that Will being away from the sun would drain him to the point where he can’t keep up with NICO’S WALKING PACE within a couple hours. Like the super athletic, physically strong character that can lift Nico over his shoulders and run with him (and Rachel in TON) walks into the underworld and has to be healed by a stupid portable night light within five minutes.

• Don’t even get me started on his JUDGINESS. I always pictured Will as the guy at camp that thought Nicos powers were cool and stuff, right? And now he just judges every ‘dark’ thing nico does like darkness is synonymous with evil. And only his light can heal him. I HATED that trope and honestly thought they would make him more original. But I have to say it: he was so boring. Like in a way that made my stomach hurt.

• Wills kind of a jerk in this. Like it’s weird to read.

• The PACING. It was off the whole book. The only part i enjoyed was the part where they didn’t know they were dreaming (that part got me) but that was it. But like gorgras scene keeps overlapping with the rest of the story and I kept forgetting my place. The fact that riordan or oshiro or whatever 12 year old fan wrote this put the words FLASHBACK & DREAM SEQUENCE over the chapters gave it SERIOUS fanfic vibes. The pacing is simply not suspenseful enough for a place like Tartarus.

• And do NOT get me started on Tartarus. Okay I’ll say it anyway: it wasn’t scary AT ALL. LIKE ANY OTHER QUEST. Actually it seemed easier than other previous quests which is a big nope. Hades might as well have sent him to Target.

• And about the fact that is was HADES who gave him that prophecy is SO OOC of him. He loves Nico. Nico is probably Hades most favorite child ever as of right now and he sends him horrible nightmares, and a prophecy respouted 12 times to get him to save Bob (whom Hades could care less about btw) and go back to a place that he knows haunts Nico every day MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

Also HOW did hades give Rachel that prophecy? He has no power over the Oracle of Delphi.

• Maria and Bianca MAKE NO SENSE! How in the hell is there any piece of thier souls left when Hades gave Maria ancient rites and was the one soul Nico was not allowed to see and Bianca reincarnated. WHICH WAS FORGOTTEN BTW. NOW SHES BACK IN ELYSIUM?? Like?? Like maybe I could see Hades letting Nico see a piece of Maria but Bianca is literally GONE forever.

Nico was ooc. Like not too badly but still bad. But the fact that Will didn’t let Nico shadow travel even once irks me. The fact Will didn’t let him summon Jules Albert irks me. The fact that Will kept brushing off nicos feeling about the underworld irks me. The fact that Will called Persephone the most beautiful PERSON he’d ever seen right in nicos face and then asked his (insecure) boyfriend if he was jealous irks me. The fact that Will is BORING AS FUCK irks me

• And the COMING OUT story. Horridly ooc. Nico shouting to the whole camp he’s gay and getting all the other kids to come out too is like??? and apparently he asked out Will before Will had even come out?? Nico would NEVER do that. Especially since not long before Cupid had done the same to him. And apparently Nico is like the first out character in a MODERN GREEK camp with DIONYSUS as a director. No.

In character Nico would’ve shadow traveled back to his cabin or the woods the moment he figured out what was happening.

• the nicknames are extremely cringe. Little ball of darkness is used to much and it made me itch. I think Will simply calling him babe or something would’ve been simpler and made them seem more like a real couple instead of a caricature of light and dark.

• ‘he’d always been the demigod who WOULDNT eat.’ ………..what the actual fuck is this. Nicos always been naturally skinny but being starved in jar is what messed up his hunger. Not that he WOULDNT eat. Why is everything always his fault in this book?

Like, he didn’t ‘LET’ himself get to the point of starvation over and over. I mean first of all he became homeless at ten years old, probably had to steal food items. And most recently he got KIDNAPPED by TWO GIANTS and starved forcibly. And then when he got out he was under so much stress of what just happened to him in Tartarus, the war with Gaea, his forced outing, and having to lug an enormous statue ACROSS THE WORLD. but nah, I guess he just LET all of that stuff happen to him

• the references are BAD. Out of touch bad. Unfunny and the joke never becomes a joke. It’s never explained how a kid from the 1930s knows how to use the internet and look up lil nas x in a camp that doesn’t use any technology. Doesn’t explain how Nico knows about Care Bear powers (I didn’t even know that) and the beginning scene with the Star Wars ‘joke’ set a weird tone for the book and wasn’t even funny.

• I hated the cocoa puff demons coming to live with Nico. Like I was fine they got created ig even tho it was weird and kinda dumb but the fact that Nico is so keen to have his worst memories and insecurities sleep in bed with him makes no sense once again. In character Nico would’ve burned them with hellfire.

• Also Nyx is a unfathomably weak villain. A PRIMORDIAL GODDESS that even ZEUS fears is taken down in two seconds. Also she’s just trying to get Nico ‘accept his darkness’. WHICH HE ALREADY HAS DONE. The moment he called himself The Ghost King in battle of the labyrinth at eleven years is when he truly accepted his powers and who he was. So… why is she even in the book in the first place??

• Also Will STILL insists it’s Nicos fault he wasn’t accepted. And that it was all in his head….

Also Micheal Yew was simply never mentioned again. Neither was lee fletcher. If they were I missed it.

There were a COUPLE of cute parts and lines but really this is simply too weird (and bad) to be canon to me. This book is just not canon. I see it as fanfiction from a random author that riordan probably let write the entire book or at least most of it. I think sadly riordan put his name on this for money and for fanservice because the writing is first draft material.

(And it kind of feels like they got this version of Nico and Will from cringy meme posts about them. Like, you know the ones where Nico’s all like ‘I am darkness, i am a vampire’ and Wills all like ‘come on, my uwu baby, no more shadowtravel for you, doctors orders~’ 🤣😭)

just because they thought that’s what the twelve year olds wanted and not realizing that a lot of those posts are simply made as a joke and not actually taken seriously in canon…. And that most people in the fandom thinks those are bad cringeposts

[lorenid]

Sleeping Habits

Genre: fluff, established relationship, domestic, idol chan

Word Count: 1.8k

Warning: anxiety/insomnia topic, light suggestive lines

Summary: Two 20 something year olds that can fall in love, but can’t fall asleep

A/N: Happy 5-STAR Comeback Day! It’s my first official comeback and I’m celebrating by streaming while finishing this short one-shot that I’ve been putting off since April. I didn’t proof read this at all, please let me know about any errors. Anyways… I’m back on my self indulgence, bc the world inside my head is better than my real world anyways, might as well make it a good one. Fun fact (that only I care about, but I like to over share): My bias for Chan started as soon as I read that he was born 1 year minus a day apart from me. Enough about my delusions, this is also my first time writing about SKZ so here goes nothing.

You arrive home exhausted after a 12 hour shift at the hospital you work at, tossing your heels at the entrance of the cozy apartment you share with Chan. 

“Honey, I’m home.” You say with a singing tone making your way to leave your belongings on the living room sofa so you don’t forget them the next morning. Checking the kitchen to put away some washed plates and glasses. 

“Hey, baby. Did you have a good day?” You hear him shuffling around before you see him, wearing his usual black shirt, black basketball shorts and socks. He kisses the crown of your head, engulfing you into a back hug, hands gripping your hips. Quickly turning you around giving you a sweet gentle kiss before you can even open your mouth to say a word. 

“Tiring but good, a lot of patients showed great progress today and that keeps me going. How about you, did you finish the track you were working on before I left?” You bend your arms to rub his back until your fingers squeeze his shoulders to release the tension moving along to the nape of his neck. 

After almost a year of living together you’re used to his habit of waking up, saying good morning with his groggy voice, sealing his greeting with a kiss and heading straight to the studio. Because he can’t do anything else before revising the work he did the night before listening with a fresh mind to get his genius creativity flowing. You do your morning routine and put down the breakfast beside his work desk, worried that he’ll forget to eat for a while if he’s consumed by the music. Sometimes he’s so excited about a song that he rambles trying to explain all the details of the arrangement, accidentally making you sprint to leave for work to avoid being late. Everyday you’re tempted to stay for a little bit longer just to appreciate his sparkling eyes talking about his new endeavors. 

“I did! I’ll share it with the kids tomorrow to get their feedback.” The kids aren’t really kids… well kinda. Since your relationship with Chan started they have teased him that if they could kick him out of they group they would just to have you as their leader. Specially Seungmin claiming that Chan is getting too old, even though you are closer in age to your boyfriend than him. But you wouldn’t dare to try to keep them apart, because they are his family and they have become yours too. 

“That’s amazing, I know they’ll love it! I have noticed that you’ve been working really hard these past few weeks. So hopefully you can get some rest.” Now you’re clinging to him putting most of your weight on him and he has no choice but drag you around. 

“Yeah I’m glad that is done. Honestly we both tend to overwork so much that when we have time for us we miss working, but when we are back to the routine we are exhausted.” The ultimate contradiction of you both being extreme perfectionists. He leans besides the fridge and you look up to him, his cute droopy eyes make you feel like you’re wrapped in a warm hug. 

“I really want us to do better about relaxing for our own sanity. It’s a work in progress.” You lift your hands to caress his dimples and cheeks with your thumb.  

“Speaking about that, should I make some tea and call it an early night?” He kindly offers, opening cabinets in search of mugs and the chamomile honey lemon tea packets.  

“Yes please! I’ll get out of these clothes and get ready for bed asap.” You’re endeared by his thoughtfulness as he makes a warm tea for him, but sets aside yours adding extra honey and putting it in the fridge because if it isn’t sweet and cold you make faces of disgust just by tasting a drop. 

“Do you need any help with that?” He checks you up and down with a cheeky smile, the clinking of the spoon swirling around the tea stopping for a brief second.  

“Um that would jeopardize our mission, sir.” You say it with a lower voice, rolling your eyes playfully and watch as he blushes and his ears turn a little bit red.  

“Oh… right.” He shakes his head as if he’s brushing away his suggestive thoughts. 

After taking a long hot shower, you change into a sweatshirt and comfy shorts sitting in front of the vanity desk and mirror. The hue of the night lights around the room setting the mood of relaxation, Chan spent an entire day setting them up and cutely annoying you changing the colors every second. You hear the door slightly open while you’re brushing your hair to prevent the frizz, it will probably get tangled anyways, but just doing this little things give you comfort. 

“What you doing?” He says softly peeking his head through the door, you turn and smile at him extending your arms signaling with your hands to come in. 

“Just brushing this crazy hair, did you wash up already?” You sigh exasperated grabbing the tea he prepared. 

“Yeah, I did before you came home.” He settles his mug besides yours as he quickly moves to the corner of the bed near you. Motioning to scoot closer to him and hand him the brush. 

“You’re the best.” He treats you with the type of care that makes you fall in love over and over again. 

“I’m not hurting you, right?” He asks, worry on his tone. Stopping to hear your answer before continuing, drinking the rest of his tea. 

“Not at all, you’re really good at this actually.” You reassure him because he loves doing this for you is turning into part of his night time routine. He finishes, running his fingers through your hair and kissing the crown of your head as you sip the last drops. 

A few minutes later after going to the bathroom to brush your teeth, you both slip under the blankets. Chan plays Pokemon while listening to his favorite playlist while you attempt to read a chapter of a book, but your mind always wonder to random things instead. 

“You know what we need?” Your out of the blue excitement makes him jump a little, holding on to your wrists because you hit his arm playfully asking for attention. 

“A rocking chair! Think about it, if its big enough we can both fit and take turns.” You start searching for them on the phone to show him different options.  

“Am I completely missing the point or does this sound a bit… naughty?” He stares deep into your eyes cocking his head to the side. 

“Get your head out of the guter! Its another technique to fall asleep we could try. When I was little my grandma used to hold me and I was out like a light after swaying for a bit.” You gently slap the side of his head as if that would solve anything and he laughs.  

“Well, we can definitely try.” He stands up to turnoff the lights, getting back to the bed you pat the space in front of you to cuddle him. You wrap him in a hug crossing your arms on his back moving your hands to rock him a little as if you were on the rocking chair. He lets out a deep breath aligning his head with yours, welcoming the comfortable silence.   

“A la nanita nana, nanita nana, nanita ella, mi niño tiene sueño, bendito sea, bendito sea.” He raises his eyebrows surprised by your singing, but he doesn’t say anything worried that you’ll stop. It’s a famous Hispanic lullaby that at first was intended as a Christmas song about Jesus, but it passed down from generation to generation to help children fall asleep.

“A la nanita nana, nanita nana, nanita ella, mi Channie tiene sueño, bendito sea, bendito sea.” You gently stroke between his eyes and down his nose with your pinky finger. He gives you a soft smile with his eyes closing like crescent moons when he hears his nickname. 

“I’m not fair that I’m drifting away while you sing like an angel. I wish I could rush to the studio and record your voice so I can listen to it on loop when I’m away on tour and imagine that you’re there beside me.” He has confessed before that he struggles to find comfort in strange places like hotel rooms and sometimes the time difference doesn’t help with you whispering throught the phone to at least calm his racing heart. 

“It’s a deal if you also record yours.” You have heard him before jokingly singing it to his members before they hang up and you can’t help but be a little bit jealous. 

“Oh, do you actually mean right now? You love to put me in the spot, don’t you?” He says in surprise when you reach your phone finding the app and placing the phone in between your pillows next to his head. He’s too busy to notice that you already pressed the red button because he’s shuffling to press his hands to your sides under your sweatshirt. 

“Of course I do, I won’t deny it and you lowkey love it.” You brush away the strands of hair that are sticking up and the ones that tickle you when he brushes his nose against yours before positioning your head below his craning his neck to be as close as he can to your phone.  

“Close your eyes, go to sleep.” He carefully places a hand covering your eyes, giggling under his breath when he feels your eyelashes fluttering. 

“Know my love is all around.” His hands travel around your waist to hold you closer to his chest, you hear his heartbeat and try to breathe profoundly to slow down yours.  

“Dream in peace, when you wake.” He sneaks a hand up to pet your hair, spreading his fingers to cover the back of your head, a deep breath escapes your lips. 

“You will know I'm still with you.” He notices that your breathing is evening and slowly remove one from under your clothes to stop the audio recorder without startling you as he also feels himself drift.  

[alun1r]

Rare Alu Rant About Fandoms bc I never say shit:

Sue me, but getting into a fandom just for the intention of becoming popular is so weird to me.

Like sure you want a lot of people to see what you make. Because making something for the fandom should be seen! That’s dope as hell.

But you’re gonna lose inspiration real fast when you find out content creation takes a lotta work but more often than not comes with little reward.

I hold firmly the belief that Fandom is for making content for the pure reason of just because you can.

✨the joy of free will to bring your delusions to life so others can indulge in their delusions as well✨ Kinda vibes? Yanno?

I never started making HL content with the idea in mind that I’d reach 9k followers on tiktok. And I ain’t gonna lie it’s daunting for me. Specially as someone whose always just made shit for whatever reason without even posting it. But The videos that got me views and followers on tiktok, were made because I was high and wanted to laugh. And I’d figured “what the hell, this made me laugh….Maybe it will make someone else laugh.” And I’m glad it did.

And now I float around just making stuff. I still make whatever I want tbh. I do my best to give credit where credit is due in what I make. And yeah I’ve done some fan service videos and writing here and there because hey it’s fun for me.

I see so many posts or peoples bios saying that they’re working towards being popular in fandom and then their posts are what other people said or made on Twitter or tiktok or Vice versa and there’s often times there’s no real credit to original creators.

Don’t get me wrong, if it’s properly credited, AWESOME. Usually it’s not though, and that’s just wild to me. Because how are you expecting to get popular under your own name when you’re just reposting stuff.

That doesn’t make you a content creator.

A historical collector guess?? Because you’re like idk collecting all the stuff people made and what not onto a new page.

Idk dude. I just miss authenticity I guess. People making stuff and just being excited to show it.

Don’t get me wrong though it’s not all terrible on here and everywhere on the internet for fandoms. I’ve made close friends with other creators who feel and see fandom much the same. Just here to vibe and escape.

I’m not saying I don’t think views and followers and likes and notes or what have you, matter. I know they do. I get a lil confidence boost when something I make pops off. I feel proud.

But man it’s the intention of “ Im trying to be a popular creator” that rubs me the wrong way. Make stuff because you like it. Not because other people will. Doing whatever to get you likes wont bring the same satisfaction. And in more cases than not I see it backfiring and causing drama because, like I said it’s usually shit that’s copied or reposted.

Who knows maybe I’m just old and don’t understand bc I also see fandom and the work I’ve contributed as something I wouldn’t like boast about in real life. Because the reaction wouldn’t be positive. Like just for enjoying Hogwarts legacy I get teased in my daily life from acquaintances. It’s not totally negative. Buts it’s enough for me to know that YEAH 9k followers on tiktok don’t mean anything in the real world LMAO because at the end of the day, offline, I am still just a nerd whose daydreaming in her bedroom to escape reality.

I’m 24 dude. And I work in news. Shit is exhausting. Read a headline and you’ll see what I mean. And I just wanted to rant about it because it’s been bugging me since I joined fandom again last year.

But due to, idk my follower count and whatnot I always felt like I can’t or rather I shouldn’t speak my mind so much for fear of SOMEONE coming for me for something. And man I hate that feeling bc this bitch has opinions and I dislike the idea of feeling like others have control over it. But tbh eh. I wanted to rant. Just speaking into the void of the internet.

If you decide to send anon hate for my opinionated rant be ready for a meme bc I don’t have the mental capacity to take anything other than my IRL life responsibilities seriously lmao.

[sourapplerings]

so i think im going to my first ever pride event in a week and a half, which is super exciting but a little scary. and im also going to a mother mother concert at the start of july!

the last time i went to a mother mother concert tho, i had a lot of trouble with my joint pain and ended up missing a few good songs bc i had to find somewhere to sit. i felt super awful bc one of said songs was hayloft, which my bf was really excited for

that concert was almost two years ago now (holy shit) and since then i got my grubby little mitts on a wheelchair. i’ll definitely be using it at the concert, and maybe pride since i’ve been not feeling well lately and i get heat exhaustion/sickness pretty badly

my question for you, tumblr dot com, is how to make these events a little more accessible and less stressful. i’ve never used a wheelchair in public, in fact i’ve only really used it once when i sprained my ankle and walking was really hard. the chair fits into my bf’s trunk, so transportation isn’t an issue. my current plan is to pack a mini bag with meds, water, maybe a snack??, some alcohol pads (for nausea), and maybe headphones and sunglasses for sensory reasons at pride.

for my chronically ill girlies (mainly ppl with stomach and joint issues, neurodivergent folks, and ambulatory wheelchair users) do you guys have any tips for navigating public spaces? what kind of hurdles can i anticipate?

[bcolfanfic]

not to be terrible but if you had more wyatt nash whump thoughts…i’d read them…js…

was mid typing a super long response to this and my phone died and i lost it all…grieving…

that to say yes ugha you’re inside my brain anon bc it’s what i’ve been writing in my head while laying in bed with chest pains. **self harm mention under the read more line but no mention of methods

oh wyatt ): was thinking about when he’s back in ny after living with the bucks/micah falls apart so he has to go back home. back home to the house he hasn’t been in since he was fighting with ev and walked out the door. and got about 72 hours on the run before he got into that horrible man’s truck and he was gone for ten months.

poor wy has an incredibly hard time when he’s home for that reason and all the little ones that come with it. backslides mentally and physically, which isn’t aided by it taking some time for them to set up a care team for him in new york on such short notice. was just beginning to trust his therapist in wyoming but state licensing means he has to get a new one now. playing phone tag over all that exhausts ev and helen to the extent that they enlist benny and jamie to help them out with it when they’re over bc of ollie being with sawyer.

the one good thing though? wyatt realizes how much he missed his dad. the bucks were good to him, but they weren’t his dad. couldn’t love him the way ev loves him to death, and in the midst of all his backsliding he gets so attached to his dad. sweet bub ):

it breaks ev’s heart, puts it back together and breaks it again. when wyatt is really at rock bottom ev is essentially his full time caregiver on top of just being his dad which he wouldn’t trade for anything when it means wyatt is home. but it’s still hard on him. hard to be a present dad with the other kids, hard to be a present husband, hard to not blame himself for everything.

wyatt’s home, that’s what matters. he’s here, i can take care of him because he’s home. is what he repeats to himself ad nauseam. when he’s sleeping on his floor for the fifth day in a row, when he’s trying to talk him off the ledge of hours long panic freakouts, when he’s giving him medicine via a plastic syringe into the side of his cheek like he did when he was little bc he won’t take pills (drugging trauma) and no one has the heart to subject him to the needles that a home iv line would require.

when wyatt is really doing bad it devolves into him self harming. which crushes ev so badly it makes his chest hurt. worries himself sick about it, and makes himself feel ill with grief that his baby is hurting so much. his sweet baby that he can still see as two years old waiting on helen’s porch waiting for ev to come by when he got off work. his buddy that he can still see as the seven year old that followed him everywhere and begged him to color with him at the kitchen table.

just wishes he could fix everything a lot more easily. <\3

[mimikoolover]

I think we should stop trying to make sense of Jikook and confront it to what they say or what they sing at this point lol I feel like there’s too many things we can’t know anyway, and some parts of the puzzle are missing and will be for a long time anyway because I highly doubt they will talk about their private life anyway soon. To me, with everything we’ve witness with these two for all those years I’m still thinking they’re actually together and have been for years but honestly I know I could be wrong. I follow the Occam’s Razor theory. But we have to admit that some pieces of the puzzle don’t fit or haven’t find their right place yet and we have to be at peace with that. Personally as a 30 yo I just think I’ve never ever seen two people behaving like they do and being as close as they are without being a couple. Their song lyrics are just a detail in the grand scheme of it but it’s jus my opinion. I know they could be just two exceptionally close friends, the exception to the rule. Trying to over analyze everything they do and say can be fun at times but it feels almost boring after all this time for me because we always go in circles. In a few weeks they’ll be confusing the hell out of us again lol

I was thinking exactly this actually...like if jikook are dating each other realistically we'll never know about it. have they done stuff in the past that's sus sure but there have been sus things with them with other people as well...so writing all of that off in relation to them with each other seems strange but I want to believe and listen to what they say so when jimin talks about muse I want to believe that. we also have to remember that they are just celebrities and let's be real we'll never truly know them for who they are as people so...caring less seems to be the way to go and just enjoy the music and whatever they put out without reading too much into it. but that's kinda difficult since artists realised they want die hard stans bc those are the people who make them money so the music industry and every player in it as a whole encourages us to be die hard stans (people within the fandom do this too). frankly jungkook is the only musician I've ever heard say that he should be less important to us and we ourselves should be the most important to ourselves. I think just the way with how fandoms are people talk about stuff a lot, tbh I was exhausted yesterday after talking about muse and jikook all day long...but that's how overanalysing happens. you can take things face value but then there's people in the fandom who talk like they know more and then that kinda makes me wonder 'do I know these people when I take things face value or would I know them better/more accurately if I kept up with them the way stans do'. me leaving twitter for example, I'm sure I missed loads of shit but at this point I don't even care anymore.

[golbrocklovely]

I hope I'm not the only one and I hope I don't sound too mean but I don't think I've watched that many Sam and Colby videos since like earlier last year. Also srry if this gets long 💞

I mean, I have been dealing with personal stuff so I genuinely haven't really been able to watch them at all over the last year. But at the same time, I just feel kind of exhausted with their content, especially the amount of collaborations too. Sometimes the humour in a lot of videos is just too much like I can handle a touch of it but not to an excessive and unecessary amount.

The last video I watched of theirs was the one with Daz Black because I like his content and it was more chilled out to me, like the humour wasn't over the top and it felt like a 2021 video all over again (kinda) which 2021 was my favourite era for them even if I didn't really like some of their guests at the time.

I also really liked when they did that video and investigation when it was just the two of them like late 2022 and I hope they do more videos like that at some point because I miss them.

And with all due respect I kind of just miss when they weren't as popular tbh, like I'm so happy that I found them in 2019 because it was such a laid back time for me and their content was so enjoyable in my opinion. Of course I'm happy that they're gaining more subscribers and all that but I feel like their fandom is just so insensitive now and I force myself to watch their content just to support them silently.. 😒

hey i get it. i’ve gone thru ebbs and flows with snc’s content over the years.

i think some of their videos can be hits or misses bc of who they collab with, and other times their vids surprise me bc of the collabs being so good. it’s a toss up, so skipping out on some isn’t a bad thing. it’s not like they’re a tv show and missing an episode is gonna make the show now make sense lol

general curiosity usually keeps me coming back. and also bc even the worst snc video is still pretty good to me so… it is what it is.

i’m happy i found them when i did as well, me in 2018. it was fun to be a fan back then. but to watch their trajectory has been amazing and they genuinely deserve their fame and success. as for the fandom…. taking a step back and just enjoying snc for their content and nothing else ain’t a back thing. if the fandom is stressing you out that much, best thing you can do is find a group of ppl you like or tolerate the most. that’s what i’ve been able to do on here. pretty much every other platform pisses me off lol

i will say, one good thing to keep in mind is that the majority of the fandom is good, it’s just the annoying ones that are the loudest. like if you really think about it, how many ppl can you point to in the fandom that really, genuinely upset you/have bad takes? maybe 10? 20 max? that’s not even a .01% of the fandom et large. so just try to remember it’s really only a few that suck, so don’t let them get under your skin too much.

[bernardisgross]

Warning for : tca, eating disorder, depression

this is just a block of babbling

Today i chopped lots of veggies to freeze and cook later ! I’m exhausted rn but so happy ^^ ! I had a bit of extra money this month thanks to my employer being scared of gov retribution and finally giving us our yearly bonus ^^ so i went out several times this week to buy lots of food !!! Yesterday was such a nice day i went downtown with my cart and walked for three hours from one shop to the other then back home to get special imported groceries i can’t find near me. I’m planning on doing some meal prep again ! wow ... haven’t doing that in a long while ! I used to do that a lot in uni (back then i was unemployed and i got so extra careful with groceries when i started living in dorms which lasted for humm ?? 4 years ??) and especially when i was living in japan. I was EXTRA super poor back then so i had all these pre-portioned stuff i had cooked myself in the freezer (thank goodness i had a freezer in my dorm room °_°) and thanks to that i could get a meal a day. But i was also eating the same chicken/kimchi/veggies/shirataki/rice meal everyday. I got so tiiiired of the prepping and eating the same thing when i came home, i couldn’t do that anymore ! It’s been four-five years and i’m still feeling sick from the “idea” of being limited in what i can eat.

I got sick twice this month and i totally know it’s because my body’s weak from overworking myself with work/shop/work/commission/event, lack of sleep and not eating well enough. Well ! can’t go back in time ! This weekend i went to work feeling so bad and everybody could see how pathetic i was haha but they were all nice so it’s ok! glad i didn’t miss (*is poor*). Anyways, twice is too much u_u *big sigh* so i’ll be more careful in the future ! Can’t say i’ll eat well everyday but next shop opening or something, i’ll be sure to plan nutritious stuff in advance !

Because the problem here is mainly that i don’t wanna cook nor plan groceries :/ . Oh i still have an appetite, i don’t think i can get rid of it LOL it’s in my genes at this point to love food and love eating ! i just don’t feel like doing it anymore and i have a very convenient supermarket right round the corner of my street so °_° .. just picking what i feel like eating when i do even if it’s not a proper meal ! I’ve had a sandwich phase recently, i ate so many of the pre-made disgusting sandwiches TOT !!!!!!!! i don’t like ready-made stuff but boy was i eating these sandwiches !!! so convenient, didn’t take me any time ! I’ve grown tired of them thank goodness ...

I talked with a friend and coworker who’s pretty much going through the same and it’s nice to have someone else near who you can mention it to bc it can easily put you in a tight spot, ppl (and i include myself) are often quick to worry and thus chastise you for bad “habits”. I know it’s out of love but it’s tiring nonetheless. It’s nice to have someone understand it’s not a habit and that whatever you’re eating it’s ok, as long as you’re eating !!!!! That’s the 1st step and it’s great !

Something else is that i eat very differently from what i used to ! i still eat meat and fish but only cook fish from time to time. I only eat meat if i eat from a restaurant (or if i buy disgusting triangle sandwiches 🙄), i don’t wanna cook it anymore. Trying to stop eating it completely but i know it takes time and i do have a “weak” body. So all that to say that everything i’m used to cook (and i used to looove cooking for myself) well .. is kinda out of the party now huh... it’s not hard to make the same dishes without the meat though, but sometimes i’m really like :I ok .. something’s amiss but i don’t have like.. tofu in the fridge. ALSO i’m a lazy person ;9 and i don’t like inconveniences

also food is hella expensive.... bro..... the corpos... they’re out of control.......... the price of things in the stores .. °_° bro.. u ok ??? they really said “then, starve”

Also wanna mention i’m only able to think about this and actually putting in the work in gathering ingredients etc bc i’m not doing anything else. Like, this is the moment, it’s now or never ! I’m in a slow period with work so i’m just .. well doing nothing (RESTING!!!!) which allows me to actually try to cook ! Also mentioning that i’ve still been eating random stuff during that last few days of hunting and gathering HAHAHA (bread...bo-bun from the shop, apples, bananas, bro i can’t even remember what i ate on monday and tuesday ?????) so .. prepping’s great but let’s see if i actually take stuff out of the freezer and heat them ;9

une affaire... à suivre 😎

[hyukascampfire]

OMG HII ASHLYNN!!! It really feels like it’s been forever 🙁🙁🙁 I missed our talks sm!! I’ve been really busy with work and school so Im Relaly exhausted these days… and bc Moablr has been really dry lately (it’s bc you havent dropped a new fic 💔) so i haven’t really been reading a lot lately, BUTTT I have been writing!! U totally inspired me to start writing again!! It’s always been my passion but I keep on getting burnt out (like rn 😓😓) but I’m really trying to step up and try to put my writing out there!! Actually my first post did pretty well and it currently has 200+ notes and keeps on growing!! It’s actually a series that I’m starting but no fics have came out yet. I don’t wanna give u too many details cuz I want you to come across it by yourself if you ever see it 😥😥 I would tell u my acc but I’m a bit shy and I don’t want to reveal my identity 🫣🫣🫣 hehe I guess you’ll have to do some detective work 🤭🤭

Anyways it was nice talking to you as always!! Take care of yourself and I’ll ttyl!! 😙😙

-🍵

HIII BABYYYY i was missing you 😣 i realized how much i love talking to you because omg. january is always awful and busy, literally the actual worst month of the year. I DIGRESS!! i’m actually laptop out, writing for TSFAWC (i was working on my theme, but am taking a break from that cause WHEW.) as i respond rn. I WILL PUT SOMETHING OUT! PROMISE! it’s been so long, i fear i’ve caused a drought in hyukascampfireville. i’m sorry guys, i will bring water soon!

IM LITERALLY CRAWLING UP THE WALLS THAT YOU STARTED WRITING? HELLO?? wtf. and you’re not even gonna give me your account to support and read 💔 BTW 200 NOTES ON YOUR FIRST FIC IS INCREDIBLE? i’m pretty sure the first part of TSFAWC got 70 when it was first posted 😭 you’re doing incredible, and i totally understand feeling burnt out. but with a series, it’s totally okay to take it slower. i’m feeling it a bit rn, procrastinating writing cause i totally spread myself thin with the xmas event. but the best way to fix writing burnout is to write, which sounds annoying and like duh?? but it really is. i drag myself to the laptop annoyed asf sometimes LMAO

series are super fun and i tooooootally think you should…. lemme see it… lemme read it….

[casseyeyey]

Oct. 3rd, 2024

I wish I can upload more for an update, but I haven’t been taking a lot of photos bc I keep running out of space whoopsies. Still need to delete a lot of other photos but that’s okay. I finally cut off one of my most toxic friendships after so many years. But as toxic as it was, I miss them. I miss the friendship we had and our daily talks, and I didn’t want to cut it off, but I had to. I couldn’t keep doing that to myself for my mental sake. I finally got a job after a long hiatus. What a “break” that was lol, but I forgot how exhausting it is to do school and work at the same time. I am so drained a lot of days. But this small gig I got going on, actually brightens my day. I actually look forward to going to work for the first time in a while. If I could, I would actually switch career paths, but I don’t want to simply for the sake of pay sigh. But if pay was good, oh I’m switching over in a heartbeat. I didn’t think I would like it this much but I do. I actually really like working with kids. And it warms my heart that I’m making a difference in these kids lives when most of them come from very low-income homes and the education system isn’t as good. I can’t help but want to do more for these kids. Anyways, did a 3 day bender for the bestie’s birthday, that was fun. School is not so good. It’s actually really hard to keep up with 4 classes and work. Realistically, 4 classes isn’t actually that bad with work, but I haven’t done both in so long, my school is taking a big toll. I’ve also been driving so much it’s insane. My baby hasn’t had his car in about 3 weeks and I’ve been picking him up, taking him to school, driving to work, then picking him up again, and driving back home. And I’ve been just so tired. I can’t complain bc he was the main driver for a hot minute, but, boy is that tiring. I’ve been getting a lot of anxiety from driving as of lately due to stupids ass cars and trucks on the road. A truck has gotten super close to me multiple times and almost hit me rip. On the bright side, my hunny and I are about to hit our one year soon woohoo hehe. To be frank, and not like anyone is gonna read this(hopefully), but I haven’t been feeling much love from him as of lately. But I know he feels the same way too… it’s mainly due to the lack of intimacy but that’s bc we both just don’t have the time for it. Neither of our faults. He’s a full time student as a chemical engineer major and I almost full time with part time work. It’s a lot. But it’s okay bc it’s for the sake of our future so it’s a big investment. But this is it for me. We’re endgame. He’s just as serious about me as I am about him. We’re working towards marriage and kids and I love that we’re on the same page. I actually don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t with him. I think I’ve said that in like all my relationships lol, but this one is different. This one actually gave me a purpose in life and makes me want to be better and work harder. I genuinely see a future with this one and I truly see marriage and kids, it’s not just a fantasy in my head or wishful thinking that it will lead to that, no, I really see it. Moving on from this, I got ISOKNOCK, friend’s birthday coming up, sister’s birthday, Anniversary, chopping my hair, ya das all I got. We got this til the end of the year. Crazy how it’s in a little less than 3 months

[1d1195]

The banter/dialogue that you write is really good! Especially with Niall bc I’m pretty sure we all know it’s really harmless so I’m constantly enjoying reading it! And had to look up that clip and I SEE THE VISION! LOVE IT HAHA!! honestly idk why I wasn’t a fan?! genuinely had nothing against them and I had a lot of friends who were into them plus I found them cute enough but idk WHY my brain couldn’t get into it lol also LOVE a good protective man trope, it just HITS when done right!

In that alternate timeline I would like to believe that Harry suffered a lot for being a dick! And he had to grovel a lot for making her cry! Idk I’m a simple girl I love when men suffer😁! And slow burns are my preferred vibe tbh lol I love the yearning and the pinning! ALSO that part 4 sneak peak, SO EXCITED!

Oh I support her being grumpy like you cannot make me hate her! Like I get it! VERY excited for when you decide to show us what’s you’ve been hinting! I just know you never miss!

Never been there since I haven’t been to the east coast but sounds like if I ever do visit I will NOT being going there bc that sounds like hell😭 theres many places here that are constantly so packed there’s truly never a break😭! The vibes are never good, so many people, and not enough cashiers/self checkout the lines are CRAZY😭

Wait that’s so cool that you did a research proposal for it!! But it’s sweet how you try to help your students with it! It’s sucks but it’s nice to know that your students have someone to help with that! AP anything was so bad😭 those crazy timed tests just made everything worse! So I don’t blame you!

It doesn’t make you sound old! And I understand what you mean! I think it’s a time thing too. Especially with how rn it feels like there’s no end in sight or how I fear I’m still going to feel this way. Time is something that allows for a better understanding, it’s just hard sometimes to remember when you’re deeply in it lol But I get what you mean about them feeling different! It would make sense due to you obviously changing in everyday aspect whether it be career wise or personal life!

Yay I’m so happy work went well! It’s the beginning of the year so it is a bit exciting since it’s kinda new with getting to learn about your students and stuff. But I’m hoping this can continue!

It’s so sweet of you to even notice my absence 😭 I’ve always told myself that if I were to ever take a long break or delete my account for good I would let you know so that there wouldn’t be any worry! Yeah it was not easy at all trying to navigate this episode on top with school. But it’s my last week FINALLY!! So I just have to push through this last bit!

It’s not lame! If anything I’ve always believed in that kind of thing! I definitely feel better with the shorter hair now but mainly because the heat is still so strong here and I don’t have to have such an extensive hair care routine! Plus I’m just so excited to change my hair color soon so shorter hair is better overall lol I’m trying to sleep and stay hydrated! I hope you are doing the same too! And you’re too kind!

It may be the same stuff that you’re aware of but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still hurt when you’re feeling like this! I hope that you don’t get to that kind of low that you experience last week any time soon! I’m glad that you’ve started to have some better days/moments especially with reading your books! A good romance story is always a win! And you can truly embed go wrong with a good single dad and nanny trope! Love that for you! Also idk if you’ve ever mentioned it or not but do you annotate your books?!(Btw the fact that you finished honey already is so CRAZY in the best way!)

Omg Sam😭 no youre literally the sweetest!! The kindness that you have can be felt right through the screen! YOU are so loved!!! You also deserve all love and happiness too! I LOVE YOU!!! Wishing you the best as always!-💜

For the best you weren’t a fan. I was CONSTANTLY exhausted by them. I told my friend all the time how much I wanted them to just stop leaving the house because I couldn’t keep up. I was worried ALL the time about them ☠️

I’m glad you liked the sneak peek! I also love when men suffer HAHAHA perhaps I’ll add it to the check-ins and alt reality one like I did for Dolcezza 🤔

Market basket is old school so no self check out there. The cashiers are pretty efficient but there’s ALWAYS lines up the wazoo.

I’m glad you think it was cool because I did NOT think it was cool. In fact I HATED it so much. My math brain was not meant to write in that kind of capacity. I enjoyed reading about it though! Interesting stuff! I loved my basic psych classes I took so I always find reading how the brain works (especially in crazy teen heads).

LAST WEEK! 🥳🥳🥳 love that for you! I hope you get some time to relax and do fun things! I always miss you when I don’t hear from you but I always want you to prioritize your health first so if I end up missing you it’s okay 💕💕

Honey just came POURING out of me. I can’t explain it. I feel like I fucked up the last couple parts though and I refuse to look at them again so I don’t overthink it lol but 6, 7, 8 gave me a bit of trouble 😅

I do not annotate my books. I’m pretty pure about my books but I will ALWAYS highlight a funny quip about the expense of men. I don’t remember the exact line nor book but I def highlighted something that said “it seemed men were the cause of the issue” like that just BEGS to be highlighted and underlined. I think annotating is cute though. I borrowed a book from a friend who annotates and it was actually SO much fun to read because she noticed so many things that I did not. Plus she’s funny as fuck, so it was like bonus content reading her thoughts.

Love you! 💕 happy last week of classes! 🎉

Xoxo

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIIEIEIE hiii ☺️💗

its been forever bae i’ve missed uuu ☹️ i’ve been so busy lately i havent had time to send in my asks 😞 i’ve been thinking abt u tho 😘🤞(omg gojo is that u?? am i gojo??)

OKAY BUT BAE OH MY GODDDDD I’ve started catching feelings for one of my friends and he is literally the sweetest kindest most caring boy i’ve ever met. we’ve been friends for YEARS and he has literally NEVER hurt me. he’s the kind of person you can talk to about anything and he will literally literally not judge you no matter what ☹️whenever im with him i always feel so safe

OKAY BUT LEMME TELL U A FEW THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED WITH HIM CAUSE LIKE I SWEAR THERES SOMETHING BETWEEN US⁉️

okay so a while ago his friend who imma call J was interested in me and kept trying to flirt with me, but the guy i like (imma call him C) noticed this and he got like very protective of me. like for example he wouldn’t leave me alone with J, he’d be kinda touchy when J was around and he always made sure to keep J at a distance. One time tho J approached me when C was busy doing something and J was like saying some kinda weird creepy stuff to me so when I told C he was FURIOUS 😭 I swear he looked like he wanted to smack someone, I also found out that J was a playboy and he liked to mess with a lot of girls so I think thats why C was acting that way??

the other time was a few days ago C and I decided to hang out at a park bc it was a nice day and I decided to make a flower crown bc there were a bunch of daisies,, so I was sitting on the grass making it and C was sitting next to me watching me so I asked if he wanted one but like the boring man he is he said no 😒😒 so i picked up a daisy and tucked it behind his ear instead 😆 he wore it the entire time we were out and he even kept it ☹️ lowk felt like i was having a main character moment, LIKE IT FELT STRAIGHT OUTTA A FANFIC OR SOMETHING 😭 it felt fanfic worthy anyway 🤷‍♀️ OKAY BUT I SWEAR I CANT TELL IF HE KNOWS IN FLIRTING WITH HIM OR NOT 😭 cause like i said we’ve been friends for years so we’re just super comfortable and close with each other 😭😭

okay but enough abt C,, how’re u doing bae?? i’ve been missing u lately ☹️💗 i hope you’ve been taking care of yourself! it was pretty hot up here in norcal for this past week so I can only assume its been hot down there as well?? imma tell u bae as a city girl,, i cannot deal with hot weather. over 67° and i’m melting 😭 idk how you guys in socal do it 😭

anyway bae thats all for now,,

BYEBYE AND I LOVE U SO MUCH 💗💗

-🦌 anon

awwww hii my love i was thinking about you earlier last week!! so happy to see u <33

omg 🤧 C sounds soooo nice :””) he had those red flag glasses on when he was steering u clear of J but also maybe he was jealousss?? 🤔🫣🤭 also the flower thing is so adorable n you’re so right that’s like straight out of a fanfiction omggg ✋🏼😭 friends to lovers goes CRAZZYYY. if you like him bb u should tell him how u feeeeeel. i just watched ‘one day’ netflix series recently which is like friends to lovers but hella slowburn over the course of like twenty years but if there’s anything it taught me, it was to just tell ppl how u feel honestlyyy 😭😭😭 i’m rooting for you!! also is this the same guy that you were texting last time that wanted to stay awake w youuu at night?? 👁️

i’ve been doing well my love!! i just got back from a 20 mile bike ride so i’m exhausted n gonna go pass out LOL. im training to do a 100 miler w my friends in october so 😵‍💫😵‍💫 been spending sunday mornings working on rides haha. but yea im chillin im gonna hang out w my mom cuz mothers day i think her fav brunch spot is doing some 15% off mimosas thing so my brother n i are gonna take her there. YEA omg its getting hotter slowly, surprisingly this week is going to be still cold for us, tbh it’s supposed to be hotter this time of the year i’m a bit surprised by how pleasant it was when i was out riding today?? the sun only came out around 10am. shocked but i’m not complaining HAHAHA. we’re like low 70s rn and its bliss bc once summer hits i just wanna DIE. so jelly of youuu ik norcal has some wind to cut the heat too but not so much here at least not where i live since i’m more central from the beach 😭

i missed u toooo bb so nice to hear from you <333 LOVE YA HUGS N KISSES 💋 💕

- ellie 🦢

[fierce-hummingcrab]

Log date 1.14.24

Haven’t been on here in YEARRRRRS. Was feeling nostalgic. Wish my past posts had dates on them to properly gauge when they were made. So I guess I’ll add my own dates to them now in case years down the line I feel nostalgic again.

Anyways, no longer 22, but in fact 27. Will I edit my blog’s about? Probably not, for the sake of preservation of what my blog was like back in the good ol days on this relic of a site.

I now work as a reptile specialist, technically Herpetological and invertebrate specialist. I take care of a room full of reptiles, amphibians, arachnids, centipedes and millipedes at a wholesale pet company. There’s been drama going on lately at my work and hoping it dies down. My boss and manager (manager that I’ve trained by the way, long story short he was hired without my boss’s knowledge as a “yes man” by the higher ups.) there hasn’t been clear communication between me and my boss or manager and it’s making me feel anxious.

DNR was called on our department and I feel like my boss suspects it was me even though I have no business doing so. I don’t need to create extra work for myself when I already have a lot on my plate with the last minute shipments he’s been ordering. The last thing I need is a surprise visit from DNR or Humane society. He hasn’t out right accused me but the way he’s been acting makes me feel like he’s assuming it was me. The only thing I was clear about was calling OSHA if the higher ups didn’t get proper ventilation for our garage because the mechanic and the head of delivery are too dumb to not open up the garage door when doing maintenance on the truck. They filled the warehouse with exhaust fumes.

I’ve contributed SO much to our department and have been the leading change to improving the setups and care for the animals. I’ve worked too hard for this.

Other than that, for a little bit I was also working as an art instructor at a local art camp. One of my professors from MCC runs it. I haven’t taught there in a while bc I haven’t gotten any sign ups. I used to assist with classes too but they’ve struggled financially so they can’t afford to pay assistants anymore. I miss working there but can’t afford to work for free.

But yeahhh that’s where I am now. I don’t think anyone reads these anyways this is more so for my own enjoyment. In the void. On a site that not many people use anymore.

[croissantbae]

October 16, 2023

The past few weeks have felt like a whirlwind. While I’ve been on my phone constantly the past few weeks it was almost exclusively to take photos and communicate immediately with folks to coordinate meetups. I barely looked at insta or my emails. It was seriously wonderful. Today I went through my photo album of the past few weeks and it doesn’t feel like there are enough photos. I legit feel like there should be more based on how full the trip felt.

I’m not even going to attempt to summarize the trip. I’ll just jot down a few thoughts.

1. Even though we were with the kids 24/7 and they were driving us crazy at times, now that I have to leave them I feel really sad and I miss them so much. I really do just love our family. Same goes for extended family too. After my mom/bro/sil/Shiloh departed, it felt like we weren’t whole without them. We could feel the lack of their presence. My mom is also seriously so clutch. She came to our house before we landed, made bap and miyukgook, and then picked us up from the airport. The miyukgook sVed our lives. We ate it for dinner and then as a post sleep meal when the girls were up in the wee hours of the morning. And then for breakfast the next day lol. She’s also coming tomorrow to take the girls to school because Jason has an important meeting. I would want to pay it forward for our kids but I’m generally assuming they won’t have kids (bc of climate change).

2. Adjusting to time zone changes is a bitch. The kids were waking up super early and sleeping very little when we went. And adults got virtually no sleep in the plane ride over. The girls slept fairly well but they were really squished lying next to each other on the seats. I actually got sick on the second day in and I think it was mostly from extreme sleep exhaustion (because we were already deprived from the sleep training saga and nerves not being able to sleep from starting a new job). It felt pretty miserable those first few days but thankfully the whole fam was there to watch the kids so I could get some rest. Now coming back we’re also getting terrible sleep and the kids have been awake anywhere from 11 to 4 am but I actually feel like I’m still sleeping better this time around. Today the girls slept in until noon and then I took them to school at around 2 just so they could play for a few hours. Hopefully they wake up earlier tomorrow and can actually go to school on a relatively normal schedule. Godspeed to my mom.

3. My grandma is so old. Like seriously. She was sooo happy to see us she was trying her best to keep up with us. She was actually walking so fast I was shocked. But she said she didnt care if she died she was going to walk as fast as she could so she could hang with us and not be seen as a burden. I could tell she really enjoyed herself and she bonded a lot with Dani. Jason’s grandma is much older than my grandma (I think by 10 years) but she’s still soooo healthy. She walks with a cane now but I love how social she is. We told her we’d come by to hang out the next day but she said she couldn’t because she was busy with her friends 😂. When we hung out w Jason’s family they took us to their local gogi jib (one we went to years ago too) and wansun Emo made me drink w her so I drank a bottle of soju and she drank a bottle of makgeoli lol. It was a lot of fun and the girls were thankfully well behaved.

4. Overall the kids really seemed to love Korea and want to go back. I fell in love with jejudo and seriously want to go back to the same hotel. But if we did go I wonder if it would be nearly as magical without the whole friend group there 🧐. I suspect not but there’s a different kind of fun just being with family too.

[bitchpack]

hey there bo it’s been awhile!! how are you? lots of things to Catch up On in my world! the job i was just starting the last time we talked ended up fiRing me after 3 months because i called their maNager out for stealing tips from our tip share so. that’s fun! not the best first entry into the workforce but it’s ok. my eras tour show was so aMazing, and i actually ended up standing outside the stadium in pittsbUrgh which was really fun!! i also went on a major Family vacation (not saying where because i’ve talked about it on my main haha) and it was incredible. but enough about me, what’s new with you? did you end up getting phd funding? what are your plans for this Fall? my fall is going to be fIlled with school, volleyball, and mIssing my sister as she just left for college :( see you sooN!

CORN MUFFIN ANON YOU'RE BACK

Ahhh so glad to hear from you!! So sorry to hear about your job :( but im proud of you for calling them out!! Are you gonna get another one or are you doing something else?

And omggg lucky you getting an eras show!!! I didnt manage to get a ticket for france unfortunately, but i might go like yourself outside the stadium that sounds really fun!!

I'm also on a big family vacation atm its A Lot exhausting omg can't relate to you saying yours was incredible (though tbf we did have some very lovely moments the family is just A Lot)

And yessss i did get my phd funding!!! Thank god:) i'm going to be starting in september!! I'm really looking forward to this upcoming year, in parts because i think im soooo going to enjoy, but also bc this past year was really difficult bc of my mom having health issues and my academic year and having smol health issues myself and various other interpersonal drama, and im looking forward to putting all that behind me

And omg me too my sister is leaving for the Venise im gonna miiiissssss her

Anyway lovely to hear from you 🥰🥰 see ya soon