#i’ve had information stored in my brain since 2015!!!!!!!!!

[sleepybite]

👁👁

what is OFF

please info dump on me /gen

OFF is a French classic RPG game that came out in 2008, but has gotten multiple translations over the years! The most common translation used is from 2011 iirc! The team that made it is named "Unproductive Fun Time" with two members: Mortis Ghost and Alias Conrad Coldwood! Mortis coded the game and drew all of the artwork, and Alias came up/composed all of the music!

you play as a character named ‘The Batter’ and you are purely here to assist him in purifying each zone you come across—getting rid of specters(ghosts) and helping the town’s people. In total there are four zones with one secret location, and each zone has several unique puzzles and lore that is told within them all by the townspeople/employees you encounter. (the world of OFF is fucking surreal. there’s blood/meat rivers/water, the citizens breathe smoke, and they extract minerals from cows—shit like iron. all revealed in towns/work history). you, the player, is also technically a character as well, but you are only acknowledged by Batter himself and two of the characters who can break the fourth wall.

each zone has a “guardian” that acts as a final boss when you finish clearing everything. each guardian is unique like their zone and had a unique personality and design. once you defeat a guardian, the zone is purified. if you were to come back from another zone, everything would be white and “pure”, and the music would be significantly different.

i feel i should mention this game makes you question your choices. the way the characters speak to you, the way the fourth wall breaking characters speak to you, directly, it makes you think twice about what you’re doing. but it’s not like some other games. you stick to the path you make and you have to make a decision at the complete end of game.

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode 9: Jack in the Box Jesus

View on Google Docs

Summary: September 1, 2015 - An alleged sighting of the Lord & Savior at a downtown fast food restaurant has the residents of King Falls ready for deliverance, meanwhile Sammy & Ben try to navigate the flood waters of this revelation.

[podcast intro music]

Mayor Grisham Ladies and gentlemen, I promise you that while it is a terrible inconvenience that our modern electronics are out— this is not the end of the world. It could be a refreshing change of pace! Instead of reading, on your tablet, go down to the King Falls library, and check out the real thing! Instead of texting your BFF, go enjoy some pancake puppies at Rose’s! and have a face-to-face chat. This isn’t as bad as it seems— and it could be a blessing in disguise.

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy Good morning guys and dolls, you’re listening to King Falls AM—

Ben —That’s 660 on the radio dial.

Sammy And this is day 13 of what has been dubbed the King Falls Electrolocaust.

Ben This has easily been the hardest two weeks of my professional career.

Sammy It has been tough, but Ben and I want to thank you, and everyone out there listening, for the continuing support of the show.

Ben We got another doozy of a show for you tonight, King Falls. During hour two, we’ll be interviewing Maria Chandler, manager of the King Falls Apple store, and speaking about the effects the shut down has had on business.

Sammy As well as fielding your calls and talking about whatever’s clever this evening.

Ben I miss computers, Sammy. I miss the schedule. Our automated systems, my alarm clock. I’ve went through three the legal pads in two weeks!

Sammy [sympathetic] I know, buddy.

Ben I would literally watch Channel 13 if given the chance.

Sammy Wow. That’s saying a lot.

Ben [softly] I need my life back.

Sammy King Falls, how are you taking the modern electronic shut down of 2015? Are you refreshed? Reliving the mid-90s? Or— are you falling apart like our dear Ben Arnold?

Ben I’d listen to boy bands, to have a working smartphone. I’d wear, puka shell necklaces and sell my pog collection,[1] if you give me five minutes with my email.

Sammy Look on the bright side, Ben. You’re spending all your free time down at the library, and I haven’t called you out on it!

Ben That’s calling me out on it.

Sammy Eh-Well- and you know it’s nice hearing the birds tweeting instead of @kingfallsam. I’m not saying I don’t miss it but, I’m enjoying this a little bit.

Ben ♫It’s tearing up my heart when I’m with yoouu♫[2]

Sammy The references are not gonna bring back your goods.

Ben [hurt] Dammit Sammy, let’s just take a call from our jury-rigged phone system.

[bg music being provided by Chet’s record player]

Sammy You’re live with Sammy and Ben.

Cynthia Yeeaah, I wanna talk about the outages.

Sammy Cynthia Higgenbaum, ladies and gents. How are you doing during this electronic crisis?

Cynthia [blissful] I feel the warm embrace of the chastity belt that’s been placed on society. I’m relieved, de-stressed, marvelous!

Ben *chuckling* Whoa, heh, that’s- that’s a heck of a change!

Cynthia [suddenly aggressive] What are you trying to say, Ben?

Sammy It’s just you’re usually- you’ve been a little… pessimistic in the past.

Cynthia [mostly calm again] Ohhh, I still have problems; I’m full up with issues. But right now, I don’t have to worry about what websites my husband is perusing, what brain-dead TV my kids are watching— I’m at peace! It’s just me and my harlequin novels. Plus, with Jesus back and all—

Ben [jokingly suggestive] 50 Shades of Cynthia

Cynthia [angrily] Don’t be filthy Ben Arnold! I Know Your Mother!

Sammy I-I’m sorry, Cynthia— did you just say that Jesus is back?

Cynthia [gossipy tone] Have you guys not heard the news?

Ben Is she talking about Jesus Jesus?

Cynthia There’s only one.

Sammy Wellll, I think Mexico would disagree, but please tell us why you think Jesus—

Cynthia [snappy] I don’t think Sammy, I know! [softer] Earlier this evening, he was spotted glowing and speaking in tongues at Jack in the Box.[3]

Ben The one off Main Street or Red Oak Avenue?

Cynthia Ew, nobody does to Red Oak.

Sammy [softly] Jack-in-the-Box-Jesus.

Cynthia Oh, Hell no! I will not participate in that blasphemy. You’re gonna get smited—

Sammy Oh, I- I mean- I wasn’t- I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to, uh—

Cynthia Tell it to Satan! In Hell, Sammy! [hangs up forcefully]

[dial tone]

Ben This is big.

Sammy [slightly reluctant] If you or someone you know has had a sighting of *clears throat, Ben laughs* Jack in the Box Jesus please give us a call. Uh, 424-279-3858

Ben You’re on King Falls AM.

Deputy Troy Now I know what you’re thinking: how could the second coming of God’s only son happen and ol’ Troy here didn’t clue you in.

Ben Not what I was thinking.

Sammy What do you know Troy?

Deputy Troy Well I got a suspicious persons call out at ol’ Yack[sic] in the Box around 9. So, I hit the lights and cruised over to see what the fuss was about. And lo and behold, back by the dumpster with a mess of people looking on— there he was.

Sammy Now, are you really telling us that— [still reluctant] you saw, or, you believe you saw the son of God and the King of Kings bangin around outside the Jack In The Box?

Deputy Troy Well, he was a man. Somebody’s son, no doubt. Bearded. Good lookin’, if-if you’re into that sort of thing. He had a robe on—

Ben [cutting in]We can solve this right now. Was he white or was he black?

Deputy Troy He was more of a greenish color. Like a glow really.

Sammy The man had an aura around him.

Deputy Troy It was shinier than a damn Fukushima foxhound, fellas. Like, I felt a need to put on the old aviators, but I- I didn’t want to be cliché.

Sammy Alright, Troy. So, work with us here; you’re in the back of the Jack in the Box, there’s a uh, a Jesus-type guy—

Deputy Troy Just-a-ramblin’ on.

Ben Speaking in— tongues?

Deputy Troy Speaking in somethin. The last time I heard gibberish like that was comin’ from the back of my Chevy with Shell Snyder’s daughter.

Sammy So what happened next?

Deputy Troy Well a group of looky-loos had descended, as I said, and since it was only me, there was no perimeter set up yet. So I start ta approach this glowing Christ and somebody— Roy Higgins if you gotta know/— hollered out “It’s Jesus!” and the whole parking lot just went bonkers!

Ben Well, di-did you speak to the guy?

Deputy Troy Damn skippy. I told Roy that this was official police biz. And he shouldn’t be squawling around like a little baby.

Ben No, Jack in the Box Jesus.

Deputy Troy Oh, well no. I- I turned around and he was gone. Split right off into the woods, I suspect.

Sammy Did you follow him?

Deputy Troy Sammy. So you’re tellin me that you’d follow a 6-foot-tall and glowing perp into the woods??

Sammy [muttered] Point taken.

Ben So any other sightings?

Deputy Troy Well, not as of yet. But there were so many people they could’a had a revival in that parkin’ lot. So I’m guessin’ that’s how word spread so quickly. And without internet, too? That’s pretty damn impressive.

Sammy Is there an APB out or anything?

Deputy Troy For what, dilly-dallying around with a jumbo jack? He wasn’t doin nothin bad. Just acting a fool— Lord forgive me— where he shouldn’t’a been.

Ben And glowing.

Deputy Troy That’s right.

Sammy Well, please let us know if get any more info on this, Troy. We’d appreciate it.

Deputy Troy You bet. I’ll be sure to keep you boys and the listenin’ public informed. But if you should happen to stumble upon Jesus? Do not approach, bother or pester. You just call up Ol’ Deputy Troy.

[hangs up]

Ben …or your local church. [dial tone]

Sammy Deputy Troy, ladies and gents. Now we’re just going to take a quick break and hear from one of our new sponsors: Carl’s Candy!

Ben Yeah I don- I don’t think we should play this

Sammy What? Ads pay the bills remember?

Ben Folks, as a workaround with all the tech issues, uh, I went out and recorded a few spots of some of our sponsors- uh, new and old. Emphasis on Old, after this one.

Sammy Okay, so the audio is bad.

Ben *sucks in breath* You could say that.

Sammy This company’s paid up! They’re scheduled in one of your many notebooks. Let’s do this. We’ll be right back folks.

[slow, creepy xylophone music]

Carl [voice is soft and creepy, like you expect from a guy who offers kids candy from the back of a van] Do you know why they call it a blow pop? I sure do. And if you come on down to Creepy Carl’s Candy, I’ll fill ya up! I mean in. [whispering] It’ll be our little secret.- A sweet tooth is a terrible thing to waste. Come find a new sugar daddy to butter your fingers at Creepy Carl’s! Come in and grab a sack of Carl’s Boston baked beans while you’re at it. Oops, one fell in my pocket. Free if you can find it! *Ben groaning “oh no”* Every child’s welcome at Creepy Carl’s, big mouths, small mouths, white mouths and brown mouths. We’re equal opportunity! And just cause they shut down the ol’ brick and mortar doe’n’t mean you can’t buy it from my van. Be sure to ask your parents’ permission first, kids. Creepy Carl’s Candy, where the suckers don’t suck themselves. [Police sirens]

Deputy Troy [through megaphone] Carl, turn off your ignition. You are too close to the school zone.

Carl I gotta go! Catch ya later [tires squealing]

Ben [desperate, in bg] The mic!

[sirens fade out]

Sammy … Never again.

Ben I tried to tell you.

Sammy I know. Let’s never speak about this.

Ben [whispering] I need a shower.

Sammy *sigh* …Moving forward, we were just talking about a sighting that happened a few hours ago around the 9 o’clock hour, just off Main Street. It seems quite a few people believe that we may be experiencing a religious phenomenon. Perhaps the second coming of–

Ben [slightly gruff impression] “Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years!”[4]

Sammy *chuckles* Right, let’s go to the phone lines.

Ben [happily] That was good though right?

Sammy It was good. Good evening, you’re live on King Falls AM.

Reverend Hawthorne Ask and ye shall receive! King Falls-uh. It is the gooD Reverend Xavier “Right. With. Gaawwd-uh” Hawthorne.

Ben Reverend Hawthorne? Are you back in town?

Reverend Hawthorne [speaking over Ben] The One and Only, and we are turnin’ the wagons arounD as we speaK-uh. And we’re headin’ back to my flocK-uh. How’re y’all feelin’ tonighT, King Falls- I said How are you, Feelin’!

Sammy [softly] We’re feeling alright.

Reverend Hawthorne Praise GoD-uh! Hallelujah! Now a little birdie, uh-just chirp’n on my shoulder, told me there was a SighTing. A Vision. Dare I say it, eyeballs were laid on our Lord and Saviour at a burger joint in our fair city.

Sammy Yeah, about 9 o’clock here.

Reverend Hawthorne Could it Be-uh! that our 5-week-revival worked. Could it Be-uh! that our prayers have been brought forth the lamb of God-uh. Can I get an amen!

Ben Reverend Hawthorne we—

Reverend Hawthorne Amen! This miracle-uh, this sight from our God-uh, perched on a Mountain of Sanctity, says that he is ready to lead-uh, his most Highly Favored, Congregation bacK to the promised land. Gimme some organ, Deacon Reggie [organ music begins playing in bg]

Sammy [aside] Do you think Reggie has to wheel that thing around just in case?

Ben This is getting good.

Reverend Hawthorne Play it dirty, brother. We are going Home-uh. Take us back to Calvary, take us BACK-uh! … Samuel, Benjamin may I ask you gentlemen if you have a relationship-uh with the Author of the E-ternal Sal-vation; [organ goes silent] [softly] are ya saved?

Sammy I’m—

Reverend Hawthorne Then let me tell y’all, [organ starts again] because if you aren’t-uh, I’m coming back to town. One weekend only, the Xavier “Right with GoD-uh” Hawthorne Experience will be wheelin’ bacK into King Falls Fairgrounds this very night-uh. We are hoping to get One- On- One with the Risen Christ and start preparin’ for Kingdom Come. But just like old Xavier, you gotta come on down-uh so we can get you TurnT uP With GoD-uh. [click, dial tone]

Sammy Xavier? Hello?

Ben He’s, gone. Sammy.

Sammy Well, you heard it here first folks. Xavier Hawthorn’s Travelling Roadshow is coming back to town. Will Jack in the Box Jesus make his stage debut?

Ben [muttering] Tch- Jesus.

Sammy Literally.

Ben Do you think we could get an interview? Would it be Mr. Christ? Or-

Sammy Something tells me that there is something more to the story than what we’ve heard so far, Ben.

Ben Tsk. I get that, but this is King Falls, Sammy.

Sammy What a perfect place to make a return: a rinky-dink town with no internet.

Ben Line- [muttered] dammit, there’s only one line. Uh, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Archie Good evenin’ fellas!

[small dogs barking in bg]

Sammy Is thi-

Archie It’s Archie Simmons!

Ben He-ey Archie, how’s Princess Von Barktooth?

Archie Well, I do have news concernin’ the princess, and I just want to possibly recant some info from our previous call a few weeks back.

Sammy About the werewolves?

Archie Correct.

Sammy Wow. I mean, you sounded pretty convinced that you saw a werewolf.

Archie And now I’m saying that maybe I was misinformed.

Sammy I think you should probably tell Troy and the Sheriff’s Office, Archie.

Archie *giggles* You silly Sally, Troy’s on his way over now

Ben Why the change of heart, Archie?

Archie Well, new information has come to light boys, I mean with the Divine One making his triumphant, and let’s be honest, dramatic return to King Falls.

Sammy You’re talking about the glowing man at the Jack in the Box?

Archie [softly] Let’s be real here, it’s the J-Man, of course a heavenly carpenter would pick King Falls. So many projects to keep busy with.

Sammy [dryly] Uh-huh.

Archie Plus, with the princess and this new information, we have to believe this.

Ben You keep saying that, what’s going on with the princess Archie?

Archie She’s in a delicate condition.

Sammy Oh, of course. I mean she’s been through a lot.

Archie *giggles* No Sammy, I mean she’s with child. Ch-children. Puppies? There’s a bun in my $2400 oven boys!

Sammy Wait. She’s pregnant? From the werewolf attack?!

Archie [softly again] Well, that’s the thing. While I believed in my heart of hearts that the hillbilly beast from the trailer park had gotten to the princess, I think…

Ben What. What do you think Archie?

Archie I mean it was dark, I know it was a full moon but I was scared and recently awakened, sleep in my eyes etc. and so on.

Sammy You don’t think it was the werewolves.

Archie I’m thinking with this new evidence and the fact that I saw a long-haired, bearded man in a Biblical Act— Yeah I-I- I think- there’s a chance it could have been [whispering] the man upstairs.

Ben [stern] Upstairs from whom?

Archie Mankind! Come on Ben, get with the picture!

Sammy He’s saying that because there’s been a holy sighting tonight- which we should all be a little bit doubtful of- then maybe it wasn’t the werewolves, but the Alpha and the Omega.

Ben No! NO WA- That’s too much, Archie. You saw the werewolf. He looked you in the eye and howled at the moon.

Archie I don’t know what kind of weird things Jesus is into.

Ben No way. This is ludicrous.

Archie You just wait and see Ben! The princess may have lost her Westminster dreams, but it was all part of God’s plan.

Ben We’ve got to go Archie *laughs* you’re crossing a line that we cannot cross at King Falls AM.

Archie Judge Not, lest ye be judged boys. Kardashians[sic] 3:16 or a Psalm or something. I think Troy’s coming around the bend anyways boys, laters!

[click, dial tone]

Sammy You know? When I walk in the door every night I say to myself, “Nothing’s gonna surprise me tonight” And more times than not, I am just Dead Wrong.

Ben Let’s give the phone a rest for a moment, Sammy, the record player is just begging to be used.

Sammy *chuckles* Not a bad idea Ben.

[phone pings]

Ben What? *gasps* My phone! [several pings] OHH it’s back baby!

Sammy Me too! What’s going on?

[pinging continues]

Ben What’s up! Oh my God, I could literally kiss the apparition of Steve Jobs.

Sammy Hey, I’ve got a text here, Unknown Number.

Ben Okay, what does it say?

Sammy “I- I know why this happened. I know how to stop it. We need to talk“

Ben What?

Sammy No, that’s what the text said.

Ben You don’t think this has anything to do with… Thank You, Jesus.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References:

[1] Pogs - Pogs, generically called milk caps, is a game that was popular among children during the early-mid 1990s. The name pog originates from POG, a brand of juice made from passionfruit, orange, and guava; the use of POG bottle caps to play the game preceded the game's commercialization.

[2] “It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you” - Lyrics to the song “Tearin’ Up My Heart” by NSYNC, an American boy band from the mid-90s

[3] Jack in the Box - American fast food chain, primarily along the west coast and southern states.

[4] “Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years” - lyrics to the song “Mama Said Don’t Knock You Out” by LL COOL J (also came out in the 90s)

[lovemesomesurveys]

how would your parents react if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant)?  I can’t get or get someone else pregnant.

when you were little, what did you really want to be? I wanted to be a teacher.

if you could be with anyone right now, who would you pick? I’m good right now.

how much would someone have to pay you to live alone in a haunted house? Nahhh, I’m good. 

what do you think about when you fall asleep? My mind loves going to some deep, random, and sometimes dark places right before.

has Facebook ruined your life?  No?

have you ever had a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend’s mom or dad? I’m single, but no that has never happened.

are you afraid of frogs? I wouldn’t want to touch or hold one and if it started hopping towards me I’d quickly back away lol but I could be in the presence of one, I think. I just would’t want to be close to it.

what would your dream job be?  I don’t know. :/

how would you react if a complete stranger complimented you? I just say smile and say “thank you.”

would you lie to someone just to make them happy? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make someone upset, so I might tell a little white lie. Not if it’s something important; though, or beneficial for them to know. 

what is your greatest fear? Losing loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life and just waste it all away... I’m off to a great start on that...

who was the last person to make you cry? Something on TikTok made me tear up last night.             

what are you doing today? When I get up later on I’ll have my coffee and do my Bible study, and then after that I’ll do the same ol’ things I do everyday. 

what makes you happy? My doggo. And the fact that it’s fall soon and then the holidays are coming up. 

would you rather stand on a block of ice or walk on hot coals? Ice.

would you rather have a private yacht or a private jet? Private jet.

Do you have Facebook? Yeah.

Have you dated someone of another race? No, but that’s not because I wouldn’t. It just so happens that the two guys I dated were white and Mexican and so am I. 

How would you react if you found out your crush had a terminal disease? I don’t have a crush currently, but I know I would be devastated to say the least. 

Can you tell when someone who was your friend, doesn’t like you anymore? I’ve felt that a lot, but I don’t know if that was true or just my brain telling me that cause I think everyone tires and gets bored of me. Pretty sure I was right in some cases, though.

How about when a guy or crush doesn’t like you anymore, can you tell? I’ve definitely felt that as well and I think I was right. 

Do you eat applesauce? I like it, but I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had any. Probably some time when I was a teenager.

What was the last thing you made from scratch? I don’t do that.

What was the last pill you took for? Hydrocodone. Hooray for pain meds. <<< Same.

What are you doing right now? Besides the obvious, I’m listening to an ASMR video.

When was the last time you took a nap? A few days ago.

Does your family have family reunions? We haven’t had one in years.

Do you know any foreign languages? Just some Spanish.

How often do you get stomachaches? I have stomach issues often.

Are you in the hospital a lot? I’ve spent a lot of time in hospitals. It’s been 8 years since my last stay, though. 

What is your dentist’s first name, if you know it? I go to a practice, and whoever is available to clean my teeth, does it. <<<

Do you watch sports on television? I don’t watch sports at all.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night? No.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom.

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn’t want to date? Yes.

How many cousins have you got? Too many to count. Ever had a manicure? Once. It was for my 8th grade promotion haha so it’s been quite awhile.

Do you think you’ll have a nice day tomorrow? *shrug*

Did you have a nice day today? It’s only 6AM.

Are you double jointed in any way? My thumbs are.

Does your mother have any sisters? Yeah, she has 2.

When was the last time you sat behind a desk? Back in 2015 when I was still in school.

Are there many stars in the sky tonight/last night? I haven’t been outside and I can’t see from my window.

Are you tired at all? Yes.

Where were you born? In a hospital. <<< No way, me too! Haha.

Are you thinking about anyone right now? Maybe.

Do you have any makeup on? If so what? Nope.

Do you have many photo albums? Yes.

Do you know what hyperbole means? I do.

Do you like sugar with your tea? Yeah.

Ever bought shoelaces? I don’t think so.

Would you call shopping a therapy? Buying stuff I like can bring me some joy. It can also be stressful and I start to have buyer’s remorse.

Do you read poetry/make it? No.

Have you ever had braces? Yes, but not for my teeth.

Do you live in the same town as the place you were born? Yes.

How many years have you been breathing for? 31.

If you had the chance to go to the moon would you? Nooooo. That sounds terrifying.

Do you prefer Chinese, Indian, Mexican or Italian food best? Mexican or Italian, for sure. <<<

When’s the last time you rode a bike? Never.

What’s the last thing you scratched? My neck.

What did you do for your 10th birthday? Had a party with family (immediate and extended), close family friends, and my neighbor friends.

Do you own a double breasted coat? Yes.

Do you own a sketchbook? What’s the last thing you drew in it? Nope.

Do you own any red shoes? I do.

Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? From when I was a kid and teenager.

Do you know what your next injection will be? Nope.

Are you jealous of anyone at the moment? No.

Your parents split; Would you want to live with your Mom or Dad? My mom. Even though I’m an adult, I do still live at home, so.

Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else? Well, I was a homebody even as a teenager, so I didn’t have a social life outside of school to be honest. I had some friends, but we just hung out at school and after school events or just talked on the phone. I wasn’t the teenager that went to parties and snuck out of the house. If I did have a social life back then, I wouldn’t have had to lie about it cause I wouldn’t have been doing anything shady lol I was such a goody-good. Anyway, after high school I started to have a social life and hung out with friends and even though I was an adult, my family and I keep each other informed. That’s just how we are. Like, my mom lets me know if she’s running late or going to the store or something, my brother lets us know he’s hanging out with friends and what they might do (not a detailed play-by-play, just a general idea i.e going out to eat) and a text to check in if it’s late just to let us know he’s okay, and when I had a social life I did the same.

Are you gonna get high later? I don’t get high.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Nooo.

Do you smoke? Nope.

What are you planning on doing after this? Possibly another survey.

Do you think somebody’s in love with you? Nope.

Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship? Yeah, but it wasn’t anything serious, just little crushes I had in school. They weren’t anything I was going to pursue. Hell, they didn’t even know I liked them and probably didn’t know I even existed lol.

Do you believe that everyone has a soul mate? I don’t know.

What’s your current problem? I’m in pain, but what’s new.

How many kids do you want to have? Zero. Have you kissed the last person you text messaged? No.

Where’s your phone right now? Near me on the bed.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? No.

Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it? Yeah, it happens. It’s not always intentional.

Last movie/DVD watched? Monsters University.

What do you always take with you? A mask and my bag with my wallet, phone, hand sanitizer, and medicine 

What happened at 10am? I hope to be asleep by then.

Is there someone you will never forget? Of course. There’s several.

Does anything hurt on your body? Yes. 

What was the best thing that happened today? Not much has happened so far.

What is something you currently want right now? My back pain to lessen up. I still have an hour until I can take anything for it.

What was the first thing you did when you woke up? I always check the time first.

Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever? No.

How are you? Blah.

Is anything bothering you? Yes.

Are you excited for next year I’m scared.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

Is your room clean? Yeah.

Do you wear eyeliner? When I wear makeup, yes. I haven’t worn any makeup in like 3 years now, though.

Does anyone annoy you? Yeah. People can do annoying things that annoy me or I’m just in a mood where everything is annoying. I get that way often.

Is life good? Uh.

[rookieskrp]

🎉HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY, ROOKIES 🎉

On December 9th, 2013, Rookies as we know it was created. We’re so happy to be able to celebrate six years of Rookies with you all!

First of all, we want to express our greatest thanks to the members, past and present, for making Rookies what it is. We’re also grateful for the previous staff members for giving us such a great foundation to build upon, and for inspiring and encouraging us in our journey to become the mods you know us as today. None of this would’ve been possible without any of you!

None of the current mods are the mods that started Rookies. Once upon a time, we were all members just like you, and we grew into our current positions. We’ve seen so much growth like that in the past six years, and we’re so happy to be here for it.

As each anniversary goes on, it’s so easy to take them for granted. In actuality, making it to six years is a spectacular feat, and one we’re incredibly proud of, though we can’t take too much credit. The credit largely goes to all of you, the members, for loving Rookies and your muses. Thank you so much for joining us in RK’s journey, no matter how short or long your stay.

Thankfully, that journey isn’t over! We have many things planned for 2020, and we hope you’re as excited for them as we are. In the meantime, this day, and this week, is one for celebration. As per tradition, all of the mods have some thoughts on this day under the cut. Thank you for everything Rookies, always.

(P.S: If you didn’t see on the activity check, you can collect six points this week instead of three.)

🎉BIANCA 🎉

every year is like this, but i can never believe that a whole other one has passed! i had to go check because my baby brain managed to forget, but i became a mod all the way back in 2017 before i even completed a year as a member, and i was only 17. each year i grow a bit more, both in rookies and outside. from that high schooler who joined an rp without much thought, now i’m 20 and three years deep in college. from doing my first big event in 2018, this year i started taking care of all events with the departure of both mira and sera. i’m ever so thankful for the new mod additions we got and who helped me and the rest of the staff to get some weight out of our shoulders. thank you to all the members who were part of our year and those who took part in our events! look forward to what we have in store for next year! i’m looking forward to what you’re all going to do with your muses as well! happy sixth anniversary and to many more from here!

🎉CARLY 🎉

i don’t even know where to begin. it feels like the past year has gone by so quickly, and like our fifth anniversary was lifetimes ago at the same time. what needs to come first is my upmost gratitude for giving us six years of rk, definitely. i always tell the story: when i first joined rk on december 22nd, 2013, i was really overwhelmed and thought i was going to leave within my first two weeks. i never in a million years imagined i would end up becoming mod carly in november 2015, and then that i would go on to be the longest standing staff member in rk’s history (alongside kyle.)

thank you for giving me that. yes, i’ve put a lot into rk, but that’s only because you all did first. i couldn’t have gotten through any year of modding, let alone running rk, without your love and enthusiasm for the roleplay, and support of me, not just as a mod, but as as a person. rk has been so huge in my life. y’all make me a better mod, and more importantly, a better person, every day. i will always be thankful to you and the things i’ve learned from you and i will never forget it or the time we’ve spent together in these six years.

i fear that all of this has a looming feeling of finality, and honestly, it does. there will be more in a coming announcement, but as you know, i recently took some time away to think and i’m coming back to my role as a mod knowing i’ll be leaving the team sometime in 2020. that means this will be the last one of these anniversary messages i get to type up for one of these posts. there’s so much i could say, but i think i’ll save a lot of it for an announcement at a later date, because i hope to make some more good memories in the coming year before my time as rk’s head of relations ends for good. more importantly, this is a time for MUCH celebration!! it’s only right that my message here does just that!!

i know this year in rk’s history was a difficult one (for all of us, i’m sure, but certainly for me) but thank you all so much. thank you for loving rk as much as you have, and for continuing to through all of the ups and downs. thank you for your amazing characters, and choosing rk as their home. thank you for all of your dedication and creativity and heart. thank you for the members that have taken their leave, too, for leaving their mark on rookies and being part of our six years. thank you for letting me be a part of all of this, and for trusting me with your problems and heartaches over the years. thank you for letting me help you, and letting me learn from my mistakes when i fail to do that.

running rk has been the greatest honor of my life, and will continue to be until i don’t run it anymore, and move on to things that will have to fight to mean more to me than this has. until then, i look forward to the coming year, and the inevitable next anniversaries that i get to spend as a member along with all of the rest of you. i love you with all of my heart, rookies. thank you, thank you, thank you ♡

🎉GAB 🎉

hello lovelies, it’s gab here! compared to some of you, i’ve only been here for a short period of time (two years is still a lot when i think about it) and your enthusiasm, commitment and love for your muses has always been something that amazed me. it’s contagious and it was one of the reasons why i applied to be a mod and what makes me excited to plan events out and face the challenges now as a mod. each and every one of you is super important for making rookies what it is and, if it wasn’t for you, maybe i wouldn’t have had the chance to find a place for muses i love dearly, met amazing people and gotten the opportunity to join this team. as a member and mod, thank you for being part of this journey with me and i hope to continue creating fun events and more development for your babies next year! please look forward to 2020 for more adventures and good memories! i love you all ♥

🎉KEITH 🎉

happy sixth anniversary, rookies! ♡ it’s been a whirlwind of a year so far, and i think it goes without saying that we’re so thankful to have you here with us. your endless support for our community and the way that you champion for us through your enthusiasm and eagerness to be here is something that will constantly motivate me to do better. i know that i’m lacking in so many ways but i hope to always do my best in every task that i’m given so that i can properly give back to you. i know that we have a lot of exciting things waiting to take flight within the next year and i’m looking forward to seeing how it would all unfold for us! i’ll always be humbled that you chose to be here and grateful that i’ve met the most amazing of peoples through this roleplay. i love you, rookies and happy merry sixth from me to everyone 🎉💖🎊

🎉KYLE 🎉

Hello Rookies!  I just want to say thank you for being here with us no matter if you've been here a week or for all six years we've been around!  I know a lot, probably the majority, of you probably don't know me aside from my welcome messages when you first bring in your wonderful muses, as I do have a tendency to stick to myself. Even so, I want to let you know that I'm always happy to see you all enjoying yourselves and love seeing all the love you have for your characters and I hope that RK can be a place that everyone can continue on for years to come.  So, happy sixth anniversary and thank you for everything.

🎉LARI 🎉

tbh this feels kind of weird?? to be in this post and write this message for all of you to read as a part of the team… it hasn’t been that long since i joined the mod team alongside gab and i have to admit that sometimes it still feels surreal to me. that all of this really happened, that i applied and actually made it and got picked for the team — i think in about two days it’s been exactly six months since i joined the team. since i got added to the mod server, got introduced to my tasks as bandaid mod but i still remember waking up to carly’s messages informing me that i got picked like it just happened. 

last year i was sitting in front of my laptop reading the mods anniversary messages and now i’m writing one of those myself. for all of you. as a mod. i’m— 😳😳

it still makes me really happy and i’m very glad, i’m very thankful. because i like being a mod. actually, i love it. i love the team, i love updating our lists, i love helping out and being able to be there for all of you whenever you have problems or need a helping hand. i love thinking and discussing ways to make this roleplay a long-lasting and better experience for all of you. and using this chance to speak honestly with all of you i came partially from a place where, before i joined, i had sympathy and understanding for the mods but still sometimes found myself thinking that they’re not doing enough for the roleplay. that there’s not enough action, not enough effort and i doubted certain decisions but then i became part of the team and i was so lucky to get to see how passionate the team is. each and every one of them. how dedicated they are, how thoughtful. and how hard they work at all times for all of you.

that’s all they think about.

so i’m also writing this here with a small wish: be kind to them. be kind to us. they do their best— we do our best, we work hard for you and we always will. we love you. 

and we’re glad you’re here.

thank you for sticking around with us it’s been a hard year, i know. what i’ve experienced in these few months i’ve been a mod has been harsh as much as it has been fun. but i hope and believe that it all can make us grow. motivate us to enjoy our time here together even more. i appreciate every moment i’ve had here in rookies — as a mod and as a member of nearly four years — and i’m looking forward to each moment to come, to every other year we get to spend together. so.. thank you so much, whether you’ve been with us for years. for months. for weeks or simply for days. thank you so much even if you’re not around anymore. thank you so much! i hope this year in rookies has good things in store for all of us, for all of you! ♥

🎉UME 🎉

hiya Babies, issa me! i can’t believe, or well -- i can believe that we’ve hit six years this year! everyone has worked so hard to make rookies the place it is today and it’s all thanks to you guys! while this year has definitely brought a lot of joy, a lot of pain, and a lot of stress ; i just want to thank, thank, thank you guys for sticking with us through thick and thin! we still have a long way to go with everything and we hope to improve in whatever way we can! it’s been a long six years and we hope to have many more. i appreciate every single one of you! and i hope to bring you more pretty graphics in the future! ( sorry the rkmain update is late, been a busy bee irl but rest assured, it should come soon ( hopefully before the new year begins! )) again, six cheers to six years and i wish for newer, brighter things for you and your muses, rookies! 💞🥰😘💞

[ayearofpike]

Strange Girl

Simon Pulse, 2015 413 pages, 19 chapters + epilogue ISBN 978-1-4814-5058-4 LOC: PZ7.P626St 2015 OCLC: 936552329 Released November 17, 2015 (per B&N)

There’s a new girl in school, and something about her is unbelievably interesting to Fred Allen. Maybe it’s the way she carries herself. Maybe it’s the way she refers to herself as merely a vessel for conveying the knowledge she seems to have about our greater nature. Maybe it’s the remarkable power she commands, the way that happiness and healing ride in her wake everywhere she goes. Or maybe it’s her sweet ass. Whatever it is, she seems to connect with Fred just as quickly, elevating him to a greater happiness than he’s ever known. Of course, as with any powerful girl that people don’t understand, this happiness is fated to flee just as quickly when she pushes herself beyond what her body can handle.

Or, shorter: It’s Sati. It’s Sati set in high school with teenagers. It’s Sateen.

Part of the reason I took on this project is that I felt like my own writing was stagnating. Time was I couldn’t sit down without pumping out a thousand words of my own universe, my own characters and plots and desires and ideas. But at a certain point, I started to try to focus on bettering and refining one of my main tales, one I’d revisited off and on since sixth grade ... and I just burned out. I realized that I simply could not rework this story again, that it wasn’t ever going to be what I wanted or do what I wanted, or at least not in this fifth attempt in ten years. I couldn’t keep talking about the same thing again.

This might be indicative of why I’ve had a hard time pushing through as A Year (And A Half Now, Almost) Of Pike has approached its end point. There’s no denying that the man is a killer storyteller, and that some of his ideas and worlds were stunning and even revolutionary within the genre. But thirty years is a long time to stay in the game, especially when you’re pumping out more than three books a year for the main part of your popularity. It’s admirable that he was able to keep that up for so long without resorting to the James Patterson model of hiring someone else to write the books that have his name in large type across the top. But then, when you’ve only got one brain working on all these extensive ideas and under these onerous deadlines, you’re invariably going to start to repeat yourself. 

Almost everything Pike wrote after the start of Spooksville (I can’t even be charitable and say after his car accident) has repeated or revisited some major theme from an earlier work (mostly his own; I see you, Black Knight). And as I’ve pushed through and read every single one of his published works, I’ve started to feel that same fatigue that I had when trying to rewrite and repair something I’d spent so much time on of my own. See, this is why I can never actually be an academic despite being a composition teacher: so much of studying English is finding your niche and continuing to write about the same topic for your entire career, and I don’t think I could ever devote that much of my professional life to writing about the same thing. I just got tired of my ill-researched writing about the complete works of my favorite childhood author, for fuck’s sake. 

Still, if any book was due a revamp, Sati fits that mold. It was his first adult novel, it kinda got buried to all except his most devoted fans, and maybe it would be timely to publish a book about kindness and introspection and acceptance just as the muckrakingest American election in recent history was getting underway. But most of all, it’s still a relevant look at how we act and what we think about when we consider faith and religion and God. Considering how audiences and the book market have so drastically changed in the last thirty years, it totally makes sense that Pike might want to revisit the concept for a new generation. And honestly, I’m a victim of my own age and literacy here — nobody else who might be interested in this YA book in 2015 is reading its spiritual predecessor from 1988.

I’m mostly going to blast through the summary, because it’s been more than three weeks since I finished the book and I don’t actually want to reread it to remember specifics. Fred is a high-school musician living in Elder, South Dakota, and just like any other teenager in a small town is dreaming of escape. His parents own a hardware store and just barely maintain a rocky marriage, though all we know about that is what Fred specifically tells us. His best friend Janet, the presumptive valedictorian, has her own messy home life, but they always have each other’s backs, which is why Janet pushes Fred toward the new girl.

This is Aja, a beautiful Brazilian who relocated to South Dakota for some reason three months ago but didn’t start school until today. The teacher in the class they share is unreasonably mean to her for apparently no reason, but it doesn’t put Fred off buying her lunch and trying to learn more about her. He’s unsuccessful, largely, but she does learn about him and his band and their work before she takes off. They’re doing a gig at a nearby Air Force bar on the weekend, and everyone knows Fred is the real talent and pressures him to perform a little more of his original and quieter work at the show. This here is Fred’s difficulty: he wants it, he has the talent and the drive, but he second-guesses how much people actually want to hear his voice.

Aja gets kicked out of the class they share when she’s accused of cheating on her entrance exam (what?), so Fred doesn’t see her again until after their gig. The crowd is getting raucous and angry, and the drummer doesn’t take well to that, so the evening is just starting to devolve into a brawl when Aja stands on a table and tells everyone to calm the fuck down. She also helps out one of the servicemen, who has taken a whiskey bottle to the head but now isn’t even bleeding. Weird, right? 

A local reporter sure thinks so. She posts a video of the event, with a suggestion that maybe Aja is more than she appears to be. Can she heal people? The folks at their next gig have the same question, surrounding her and generally pestering until Fred manages to pull her away. They drop her off at home, the biggest house in town, and Fred finally asks her out, sort of, by responding to her question about his unhappiness by saying she should stop accepting dates with other dudes. Like, possessive much already? But on his way to work the next day, he sees the teacher in the cemetery, near her son’s grave, and decides to talk to her about Aja. This opens a floodgate: the teacher blames herself for her son running outside and getting hit by a car, and apparently Aja knew more than she should have, which was why the teacher was so salty with her before. So what else does this girl know?

Fred goes to pick Aja up for their first official date, and ends up talking to her guardian, where he finally learns more about her past. It seems that Aja was a feral child living near a village in the Amazon, and she had a reputation as a magical healer and talent. The guardian was compelled to the village for some reason, and appointed herself the caretaker of the girl, and only uprooted them to South Dakota because Aja said they needed to go there. The guardian only has a vague idea why, but she’s pretty sure it’s related to Fred.

They go back to his house, because his parents are out, and he plays her a song almost off the top of his head that she’s inspired. Before they can start gettin’ freaky, Fred’s phone rings, and apparently his hot-headed drummer has gotten into it with some drug dealers and cops in a nearby town and is in critical condition in the hospital. So Fred and Aja go there, but when he calls the guardian’s valet (or whatever this dude is; it’s kinda muddy) to tell her what’s up, he gets pissed and freaked out and orders Fred to make Aja leave the hospital. Only he can’t find her. And when he does, she’s all dizzy, and passes out on the ride home, and when he drops her off the valet screams at him and slams the door in his face.

But the drummer wakes up, and when Fred goes to see him, he hears a story of two beings visiting him, and his realization that this was the end, only he wasn’t ready to go because it would cause too much pain. This is the only real mention of the subplot that the band’s bass player is gay and in love with the drummer, and even though the drummer is straight (I mean, I guess he could be bi, Pike doesn’t really go into details, but the point is they don’t end up together) he cares too much about his friend to just kick the bucket. So the smaller of the beings picked up on that and touched him, and then he woke up. 

There’s also a reporter there trying to talk to Fred and his best friend about the miracle that Aja performed, and they do their best to brush her off only she isn’t giving up. In fact, she’s using a YouTube channel to promote the idea that Aja is a goddess or something, with a video of the way she ended the bar brawl and testimony from a nurse in the hospital that she touched the drummer not long before he arose from life-threatening injuries. Fred agrees to meet with the reporter and actually gets more information than he gives up: namely, Aja has been curing and healing people since her days in Brazil and that she spoke with all of the villagers about her decision to leave for the US, saying there was an important reason to do so.

Before he can confront Aja and her handlers about it, her guardian dies. The valet says she’s written a letter to Fred, but he can’t seem to find it. So while we wait, let’s go on a date! Only someone in the restaurant recognizes Aja and insists she heal her daughter. And this is where we find Aja’s limitations: she can’t help this girl; her fate is to live for a short time. 

In blasting through the summary I might be glossing over Aja’s description of her connection to the cosmos and how her powers and abilities work. A lot of it ties back to the same things Pike loves to revisit when thinking about metaphysics: the oneness of Buddhist nirvana, letting go of desires and selfishness to connect to the unity of humanity, and being able to tap into superhuman powers once you’re linked. Aja calls the overarching all the “Big Person,” and her abilities come from what the Big Person tells her is necessary. She can act out of her own human desires, respond to the Little Person, but when she does it takes a toll on her health, which is what happened with the drummer. But how does someone so young get tapped into a consciousness so vast and lose her childish selfishness? We’ll get there.

Anyway, Fred goes to a band rehearsal the next day and is stopped on the way by a family who has another sick kid in the hospital, desperate for him to put them in touch with Aja. He doesn’t want to do it, knowing what he knows, but his friends accuse him of being overprotective. The best friend compares a lot of what Aja has said she does with practices she’s learned through yoga and meditation, to draw an explicit line for those in the audience who haven’t just read 94 other Pike books and didn’t look more deeply into Eastern religion because of it. And then Fred’s phone rings, and it’s the family, and they already talked to Aja and their daughter is feeling better so he doesn’t have to put himself out. What? The kid was in the hospital in another state. Aja explains that she’s not actually the vessel: the Big Person does the work, and all she’s doing is making it aware and asking the question of “can we?” 

The will reading for Aja’s guardian comes up, and in addition to splitting her (holy crap immense) wealth between Aja and the valet, she has also left instructions with her lawyer that Fred should get an audition with a record label in LA. The laywer also has the letter, which basically says that Fred can’t protect Aja from the infirm and ill, and he shouldn’t try. I guess this lady would know, right, having taken care of the girl for something like ten years. But word is getting out, more and more people are asking Aja for help, national reporters are starting to show up, Fred has a weird encounter with a spooky fortune teller in a graveyard, and he can’t help but be concerned. So he helps the valet hire a private security firm to keep these people away from Aja, which (when they follow her to school on Monday) prompts an emergency community meeting about the disruption of education by these horrible rumors.

As it turns out, this is actually a racist move by the principal, who has a reputation as an evangelical Christian and has unfairly targeted minorities (especially our drummer, who is Mexican) for years. He’s trying to get a lynch mob together without exactly saying as much. Only too bad for him a lot of people in the community (the more open-minded ones, the ones who have actually spoken to her) already support Aja, because of their own first-hand experience with her help. But enough people are screaming about Jesus that they’re just about ready to light up torches and drive Aja out of town. Until she reveals the racist principal’s big secret: he had a child with a black woman, and could never reconcile his love for them with his love for pointy white hoods or whatever, and then the kid died and he has always regretted it. And Aja holds his hands, and talks to him, and suddenly here comes the creepy fortune teller who it turns out was the mother of Racist Principal’s child, and they embrace and apologize and forgive, and the meeting is suddenly over.

Somewhere in all the Aja hullaballoo, the best friend took off to New York to live with her mother. She won’t answer Fred’s calls, she won’t respond to texts, and Aja (the last one to see her before she left) insists that she can’t be the one to reveal her confidences. So Fred goes to see her dad and try to get more info. Now this isn’t the first time Best Friend has left with the mom: the first was right after they got divorced, only she moved back a year later without any explanation. And the divorce was just as sudden and explanation-free, only the dad just accepted it. And Fred realizes, while he’s standing there in the living room and picking up hints from the dad and looking at old pictures where both women look uncomfortable: he’s a sexual predator. He touched his daughter inappropriately, because his wife and her mother was somehow loveless (leading to the girl coming back the first time) and so he partook of some fucked-up urges. Only the girl has never been able to accept that it wasn’t her fault, and in talking to Aja and exploring herself is she just getting there. So of course she needs to not LIVE with the motherfucker while she’s coming to grips.

Fortunately for Fred so he doesn’t stab a bitch, the trip to LA is nigh. Aja goes with him, and he plays his demos live, finishing with the new song he’s still writing for her. Of course that’s the song they want, and they hustle him into a recording session with an engineer to lay down a single. On the way back, Best Friend calls and asks if she can stay with him and his parents long enough to graduate high school with her friends, and as their flights land within a couple hours of each other in Sioux Falls, they plan to drive home together. Fred and Aja get there first, and he has to intimidate the dad away from the airport before his friend gets there. Only that can’t work for the whole state: he’s waiting for them to drive out of the parking lot, and attempts to run them off the road to take back his little girl.

Did I mention that it’s winter in South Dakota? The interstate is a sheet of ice, and these assholes are playing chicken at 100 mph. Of course they wreck the cars, and the kids get off with minor bumps and bruises. The dad isn’t so lucky:  his car has overturned and trapped him inside. Now the best friend is upset with him, but she’s not a sociopath and he’s still her dad, so they work to pry him out of the car before it explodes. But the way he’s bleeding and choking, he’s probably going to die anyway, so she wants Aja to heal him. And this is Fred’s great test of faith: do I argue against this and risk losing my best friend, or do I go along and risk losing my girlfriend? He finally agrees to let her listen to the Big Person.

Of course Aja collapses immediately upon laying hands on the molester. But by the time emergency response gets to the accident, he’s feeling better and Aja is fading fast. She can now finally tell Fred about her childhood, her past, which she has long avoided. It turns out that her dad was a drug dealer who stole from his bosses, and as punishment they sent three strongarms to kill the whole family. Only when they murdered Aja’s mother, her soul fled her body, leaving a gap for connection to the Big Person. The female enforcer sensed this and took the kid and ran ... and this female enforcer ended up being Racist Principal’s baby momma. No, I don’t know how it works, get your own globe. 

But now she’s given her all to Molester Dad and is on her way out. Still, her reason for coming to South Dakota was a good one: love. She knew that Fred needed her, and she knew that he would benefit from the connection she might provide to the Big Person. And even though her time was fated to be short, she feels happy that she completed her mission of love, and trusts that Fred will continue to spread the message. One last kiss, and she’s gone.

They end up at a hospital, and of course they want to do an autopsy on Aja to see why she died so suddenly and unexpectedly. The valet is firmly against it, and manages to get custody of the body and take it home, where he and Fred say one last goodbye before he lights the shit on fire. It’s a good thing she already filled out a will, that gave all her money to Fred, and that the lawyer has a copy of it!

There’s a long-ass epilogue that talks about what happened to everyone. The best friend has kids of her own and almost never talks to her dad, the two other band members founded a holistic medicine company in San Francisco and got married but to other people, and Fred himself was never able to leverage his meeting and audition into his own performing career but now writes hit songs for other people. But I guess none of them are about Aja, because now he had to write a book about it? And it’s done! The end!

See what I mean? This shit has been done before, almost beat for beat, and by the SAME AUTHOR. Now I’m not averse to reading a book again (cf. this whole goddamn project), but at least I’m going into the book knowing it is what it is. I’m not expecting to see something that is labeled a new work that actually retells a previous story that I literally just read. Maybe James Patterson can get away with that, but I don’t read his books either. 

At any rate, this post is finally done. I have this monkey off my back, and maybe now I can reflect and give some closure on the whole project. But I’ll save that for another post.

[stjglobal]

For all of the places I visited, I both intentionally and unintentionally learned more and more about the issues that citizens of the countries were facing.

There is something amazing about being able to see the sights of Europe: The Eiffel Tower, The Colosseum, Sagrada Familia, and so on. And while I enjoyed getting to see the rich history here and learn all about these historical and sacred places, the thing that I’ve taken away most from my trip abroad is the volume of current things going on in Europe that I simply had no idea, or only a vague idea, about. My theology professor here has been living in Italy for eight years or so, and she says that she remembers how different it is in The United States. It’s like being in your own world entirely, so far removed from other countries. Because of the proximity and relationships within the European Union (EU), I think that it simply isn’t as easy to be disconnected from the rest of the world here. When you add in the size of The United States and relationships with the rest of North America and South America, Europe barely stands a chance to truly enter our news network. 

 For all of the places I visited, I both intentionally and unintentionally learned more and more about the issues that citizens of the countries were facing. I have been fortunate enough to travel to Paris, Barcelona, Zurich, Edinburgh, Bucharest, and, of course, Rome and around Italy. In this post, I hope to help you to travel with me and see what I’ve learned about these places and their trials. While most of the information has been compiled throughout the semester, I linked some fact-checkers and ways to read/watch more about these issues below. One of the main themes highlighted by St. John’s University’s Study abroad programs is migration. It is integrated to every class possible, and this has helped me understand the issues. With the current climate all across Europe, there couldn’t be anything more appropriate.

 The first place I would like to focus on is France. My first stop in Europe was in Paris, France, and I was immediately amazed by its wonder and beauty. However, there is no question about the political and social turmoil that has been occurring there for years. While many of us have heard about the attacks on Paris and Nice, there is a much deeper disdain toward foreigners that is not far removed from these attacks. In the United States, we refer to ourselves as a melting pot, a blending of cultures to create a diverse society. In France, it couldn’t be more the opposite. A dirty word in American history, assimilation, is their reality. When you are immigrating to France, you are expected to become French. While I’ve noticed that this is a theme around Europe and the hyphenated identities (African-American, Irish-American, Italian-American, etc.) of the US don’t exist here, it runs deeper in France. The culture that is not their own is washed away here, especially when it comes to religion.

 In 2004, French began the consideration of outlawing wearing burqas, hijabs, kippahs, and large displays of crosses. The one that came into effect is of any sort of face-veil, which directly targets Muslims, but it is widely encouraged to not wear any religious symbols and make yourself a target. Outside of religion but not far from it, immigrants tend to be living in suburbs or lower socioeconomic areas of Paris. They isolate themselves because they don’t feel welcome, and they create their own communities that are segregated from the whole of Paris and therefore France. While this brings in the question of open- vs. closed-borders and integration, it also creates a breeding ground for terrorists. In fact, the Paris attacks of 2015 had French natives involved. 

One of my classes studied how people can feel drawn to join a terrorist group and act when they feel that they are not being represented. In a society where culture erasure is meant to create a unified whole, it instead has created tense relations that have lead to attacks. In the US, we can obviously relate with recent immigrant issues at the forefront of politics. Rome, and Italy as a whole, had similar issues with immigration. Italy quickly has become the liaison between the Middle East and North African (MENA) countries to the rest of Europe. Many people from MENA countries will enter into Italy through the Mediterranean with the intention of staying until they can make it further north. This has caused a great strain on the economy and relationships between natives and the new demographic. In this country, strict self-segregation can also be seen. 

In my economics class, we took a trip to a town called Torpignattara, which has been dubbed “Banglatown”.This town is full of heavily concentrated immigrants, many from Bangladesh as implied by the name, and they have made more of a town of their own than become a part of Rome. Their town is filled with stores with their native clothing, food, and other goods. They support their own small economy, not the whole of Rome. Rather, they send a majority of their money home. All of these issues have brought immigration to the forefront of Italy’s political atmosphere. There have even been talks of leaving the EU to allow them to have more ability to control their immigration laws. Another effect that has happened to Italy is called ‘The Brain Drain’. Basically, well-educated individuals are leaving the country in search of better job opportunities. This makes it hard for the country to continue to develop and westernize since the best of the best are leaving.

 By far the most interesting thing to learn about was the potential secession of Catalonia from Spain. Catalonia is to Spain what, for example, Pennsylvania is to The United States. While it is just a region, it functions more as a state with its own government. This region includes Barcelona, a city that was my first international trip leaving Rome. Upon arriving, it was clear that there was some strong political movement going on. Every single apartment building had plenty of windows donning the Catalonian flag (which I initially thought were weathered Puerto Rican ones) and signs along the lines of “we won’t be silenced” and “free Catalonia”. Out of intrigue, I did some research while there to try to figure out what was going on. Catalonia is the richest region in Spain, and because of this they pay high taxes. However, much of that tax money they don’t see coming back to their own region. Rather, it is used for other regions in Spain. Aside from this main issue, Catalonia has an entirely different culture and even their own language, Catalan. Catalan is more similar to Italian and French than Spanish, which definitely threw me off while I was in Barcelona. I am by no means a Spanish speaker, but I think that everyone in the US picks up a few things. 

Having traveled to Puerto Rico not long ago, I thought I could at least order french fries (papas fritas), but even that wasn’t immediately recognizable (patates fregides). The most interesting part of this whole thing to me was the numbers about who really wants this. 90% of the population that chose to vote in the referendum said that they wanted to secede. There is much more that goes into this whole issue, including violence, some people in jail or in hiding in other countries, and some lost votes. Overall based on what I saw and what the numbers show this is a very real and pressing issue in this area. Because Spain is a country that is in the Western world and there was violence involved, I assume that this is something that I would have heard of. It just enlightened me even further to how little I am in touch with the rest of the world.

Rebeka Humbrecht, Spring 2019 Social Media Ambassador

[kingfallshistoricallibrary-blog]

Episode Nine - Jack in the Box Jesus

Mayor: Ladies and gentlemen, I promise you that while it is a terrible inconvenience that our modern electronics are out, this is not the end of the world. It could be a refreshing change of pace! Instead of reading on your tablet go down to the King Falls library and check out the real thing! And instead of texting your BFF go enjoy some pancake puppies at Rose’s and have a face-to-face chat.This isn’t as bad as it seems and it could be a blessing in disguise. [intro] Sammy: Good morning guys and dolls, you’re listening to King Falls AM Ben: That’s 660 on the radio dial. Sammy: and this is day 13 of what has been dubbed the King Falls electrolocaust. Ben: This has easily been the hardest two weeks of my professional career. Sammy: It has been tough, but Ben and I want to thank you and everyone out there listening for the continuing support of the show. Ben: We got another doozy of a show for you tonight King Falls. During our two we’ll be interviewing Maria Chandler, manager of the King Falls Apple store, and speaking about the effects that shut down this (?) business. Sammy: MMYAs well as fielding your calls and talking about whatever’s clever this evening. Ben: I miss computers, Sammy. I miss the schedule, our automated systems, my alarm clock. I’ve went through three the legal pads in two weeks! Sammy: I know, buddy. Ben: I would literally watch channel 13 if given the chance. Sammy: Wow. That’s saying a lot. Ben: I need my life back. Sammy: King Falls, how are you taking the modern electronic shut down of 2015? Are you refreshed? Reliving the mid-90s? Or are you falling apart like our dear Ben Arnold? Ben: I’d listen to boy bands to have a working smartphone. I’d wear, puka shell necklaces and sell my pod collection if you give me five minutes with my email. Sammy: Look on the bright side, Ben. You’re spending all your free time down the library, and I haven’t called you out on it, Ben: That’s calling me out on it. Sammy: Well, and you know it’s nice hearing the birds tweeting instead of @ king falls a.m., I’m not saying I don’t miss it but I’m enjoying this a little bit. Ben: It’s tearing up my heart when I’m with you

Sammy: The references are not gonna bring back your goods. Ben: Dammit Sammy, let’s just take a call from our jury-rigged phone system. Sammy: You’re live with Sammy and Ben. Cynthia: Yeah, I wanna talk about the outages. Sammy: Cynthia Higgenbaum ladies and gents. How are you doing during this electronic crisis? Cynthia: I feel the warm embrace of the chastity belt that’s been placed on society. I’m relieved, de-stressed, marvelous. Ben: Whoa, that’s, that’s a heck of a change. Cynthia: What are you trying to say, Ben? Sammy: It’s just usually- you’ve been a little.. pessimistic in the past. Cynthia: Oh, I still have problems; I’m full up with issues. But right now, I don’t have to worry about what websites my husband is pursuing, what brain-dead TV my kids are watching, I’m at peace. It’s just me and my harlequin novels. Plus with Jesus back in all- Ben: 50 shades of Cynthia Cynthia: Don’t be filthy Ben Arnold! I know your mother! Sammy: I’m sorry Cynthia, did you just say that Jesus is back? Cynthia: Have you guys not heard the news? Ben Is she talking about Jesus Jesus? Cynthia: There’s only one. Sammy: Well, I think Mexico would disagree but please tell us why you think Jesus is- Cynthia: I don’t think Sammy I know! Earlier this evening, he was spotted glowing and speaking in tongues at Jack In The Box. Ben: The one off Main Street or Red Oak Avenue? Cynthia: Ew, nobody does to Red Oak. Sammy: Jack In The Box Jesus. Cynthia: Oh, hell no! I will not participate in that blasphemy. You’re gonna get smited- Sammy: Oh, I mean, I wasn’t- I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to- Cynthia: Tell it to Satan, In hell, Sammy! [hangs up] Ben: Woah, this is big. Sammy: If you or someone you know has had a sighting of Jack In The Box Jesus please give us a call. 424-279-3858 Ben: You’re on King Falls AM. Troy: Now I know what you’re thinking: how could the second coming of God’s only son happen and ol’ Troy here didn’t clue you in. Ben: Not what I was thinking. Sammy: What do you know Troy? Troy: Well I got a suspicious persons call out at ol’ Jack in the Box around 9, So I hit the lights and cruised over to see what the fuss was about. And lo and behold, back by the dumpster with a mess of people looking on, there he was. Sammy: Now are you really telling us that you saw, or, you believe you saw the son of God and the King of Kings banging outside the Jack In The Box? Troy: Well, he was a man, somebody’s son no doubt. Bearded, good looking, if you are into that sort of thing. He had a robe on- Ben: We can solve this right now. Was he white or was he black? Troy: He was more of a greenish color. Like a glow really. Sammy: The man had an aura around him. Troy: It was shinier than the damn Fukushima foxhound fellas. Like I felt a need to put on the old aviators, but I didn’t want to be cliché. Sammy: Alright, Troy. So, work with us here you’re in the back of the Jack In The Box, there’s a uh, Jesus type guy. Troy: Just-a-ramblin’ on. Ben: Speaking in tongues? Troy: Speaking in something. The last time I heard gibberish like that was comin’ from the back of my Chevy with Shell Snider’s daughter. Sammy: So what happened next? Troy: Well a group of lucky-loos had descended as I said and since it was only me, there was no perimeter set up yet. So I started ta approach this glowing Christ and somebody, Roy Higgens if you gotta know, hollered out ‘it’s Jesus!’ and the whole parking lot just went bonkers! Ben: Well, did you speak to the guy? Troy: Damn skippy. I told Roy that this was official police biz, And he shouldn’t be squawking around like a little baby. Ben: No, Jack in the box Jesus. Troy: Oh, well no. I turned around and he was gone. Split right off into the woods I suspect. Sammy: Did you follow him? Troy: Sammy, so you’re telling me that you’d follow a 6 foot tall and glowing perp into the woods? Sammy: Point taken. Ben: So any other sightings? Troy: Well, not as of yet. But there were so many people they could have had a revival in that parkin’ lot. So I’m guessin’ that’s how word spread so quickly. And without internet too? That’s pretty damn impressive. Sammy: Is there an APB out or anything? Troy: For what, dilly-dallying around with a jumbo jack? He wasn’t doin nothin bad, just acting a fool, Lord forgive me, where he shouldn’t have been. Ben: And glowing. Troy: That’s right. Sammy: Well, please let us know if get any more info on this Troy, we’d appreciate it. Troy: You bet, I’ll be sure to keep you boys in the listen and the public informed. But if you should happen to stumble upon Jesus, do not approach, bother or pester. Just call up ol’ deputy Troy. [hangs up] Ben: ..or your local church. Sammy: Deputy Troy ladies and gents. Now we’re just going to take a quick break and hear from one of our new sponsors: Carl’s Candy. Ben: Yeah I don- I don’t think we should play this Sammy: What? Ads pay the bills remember? Ben: Folks, as a work around with all the tech issues, I went out and recorded a few spots of some of our sponsors, new and old. Emphasis on old after this one. Sammy: Ok so the audio is bad. Ben: You could say that. Sammy: This company’s paid up, they’re scheduled in one of your many notebooks let’s do this. We’ll be right back folks. [ad] Carl: Do you know why they call it a blow pop? I sure do. And if you come on down to Creepy Carl’s Candy, I’ll fill ya up! I mean in, it’ll be our little secret. A sweet tooth is a terrible thing to waste, come find a new sugar daddy to butter your fingers at Creepy Carl’s! Come in and grab a sack of Carl’s Boston baked beans while you’re at it. Oops, one fell in my pocket. Free if you can find it. Every child’s welcome at Creepy Carl’s, big mouths, small mouths, white mouths and brown mouths. We’re equal opportunity! And just because they shut down the ol’ brick and mortar doesn’t mean you can’t buy it from my van. Be sure to ask your parent’s permission first, kids. Creepy Carl’s Candy, where the suckers don’t suck themselves. [Police sirens] Troy: Carl, turn off your ignition. You are too close to the school zone. Carl: I gotta go, catch ya later

??: The mic! [End] Sammy: Never again. Ben: I tried to tell you. Sammy: I know. Let’s never speak about this. Ben: I need a shower. Sammy: Moving forward, we were just talking about a sighting that happened a few hours ago around the 9 o’clock hour just off main street. It seems quite a few people believe that we may be experiencing a religious phenomenon. Perhaps the second coming of– Ben: Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years! Sammy: Right, let’s go to the phone lines. Ben: That was good though right? Sammy: It was good. Good evening, you are live on King Falls AM. Reverend: Ask and you shall receive. King Falls-uh. It is the good Reverend Xavier “Right with God-uh” Hawthorne. Ben: Reverend Hawthorne? Are you back in town? Reverend: The one and only, and we are turnin’ the wagons around as we speak. And we’re heading back to my flock. How’re y’all feelin’ tonight, King Falls? I said How are you, feelin’! Sammy: We’re feeling alright. REVEREND HAWTHORN   Praise God-uh! Hallelujah! Now a little birdie, just chirp’n on my shoulder, told me there was a sighting. A vision. Dare I say it, eyeballs were laid on our Lord and Saviour at a burger joint in our fair city. Sammy: Yeah, about 9 o’clock here. Reverend: Could it be-uh, that our 5 week revival worked. Could it be-uh that our prayers have been brought forth the lamb of God-uh. Can I get an amen! Ben: Reverend Hawthorne w- Reverend: Amen! This miracle-uh, this sight from our God-uh, perched on a mountain of sanctity, says that he is ready to lead-uh, his most highly favored congregation back to the promised land. Have me some organ Deacon Reggie [organ music begins playing in the background] Sammy: Do you think Reggie has to wheel that thing around just in case? Ben: This is getting good. Reverend: Play it dirty brother. We are going home-uh. Take us back to Calvary, take us BACK-uh! Samuel, Benjamin may I ask you gentlemen if you have a relationship-uh with the Author of the eternal salvation; are you saved? Sammy: I’m- Reverend: The let me tell y’all, because if you aren’t-uh, I’m coming back to town, one weekend only, the Xavier “Right with God-uh” Hawthorne Experience will be wheelin’ back into King Falls Fairgrounds this very night-uh. We are hoping to get one-on-one with the Risen Christ and start preparing for Kingdom Come. But just like old Xavier, you gotta come on down-uh so we can get you turnt up with God-uh. [hangs up] Sammy: Xavier? Hello? Ben: He’s, gone. Sammy. Sammy: Well, you heard it here first folks Xavier Hawthorn’s Travelling Roadshow is coming back to town. Will Jack In The Box Jesus make his stage debut? Ben: Jesus. Sammy: Literally. Ben: Do you think we can get an interview? Would it be Mr. Christ? Or- Sammy: Something tells me that there is something more to the story than what we’ve heard so far, Ben. Ben: I get that, but this is King Falls, Sammy. Sammy: What a perfect place to make a return, a rinky-dink town with no internet. Ben: Line -dammit, there’s only one line. Uh, you’re on with Sammy and Ben. Archie: Good evenin’ fellas! Sammy: Is thi- Archie: It’s Archie Simmons! Ben: Hey Archie, how’s Princess Von Barktooth? Archie: Well, I do have news concerning the princess, and I just want to possibly recant some info from our previous call a few weeks back. Sammy: About the werewolves? Archie: Correct. Sammy: Wow, I mean you sounded pretty convinced that you saw a werewolf. Archie: And now I’m saying that maybe I was misinformed. Sammy: I think you should probably tell Troy and the Sheriff’s Office, Archie. Archie: You silly sally, Troy’s already on his way over now Ben: Why the change of heart Archie? Archie: Well, new information has come to light boys, I mean with the Divine One making his triumphant, let’s be honest, dramatic return to King Falls.

Sammy: You’re talking about the glowing man at the Jack In The Box? Archie: Let’s be real here, it’s the J-Man, of course a heavenly carpenter would pick King Falls. So many projects to keep busy with. Sammy: Uh-huh. Archie: Plus with the princess and this new information, we have to believe this. Ben: You keep saying that, what’s going on with the princess Archie? Archie: She’s in a delicate condition. Sammy: Oh, well of course. I mean she’s been through a lot. Archie: No Sammy, I mean that she is with child. Children. Puppies? There’s a bun in the $2400 oven boys! Sammy: Wait, she’s pregnant? From the werewolf attack? Archie: Well, that’s the thing, while I believed in my heart of hearts that the hillbilly beast from the trailer park had gotten to the princess, I think.. Ben: What, what do you think Archie? Archie: I mean it was dark, I know it was a full moon but I was scared and recently awakened, sleep in my eyes etc. and so on. Sammy: You don’t think it was the werewolves. Archie: I’m thinking with this new evidence and the fact that I saw a long-haired bearded man in the biblical act, yeah I think there’s a chance it could have been [whispering] the man upstairs. Ben: Upstairs from whom? Archie: Mankind! Come on Ben get with the preacher. Sammy: He’s saying that because there’s been a holy sighting tonight, which we should all be a little bit doubtful of, then maybe it wasn’t the werewolves, but the Alpha and the Omega. Ben: No! NO WA- That’s too much, Archie. You saw the werewolf. He looked you in the eye and howled at the moon. Archie: I don’t know what kind of weird things Jesus is into. Ben: No way. This is ludicrous. Archie: You just wait and see Ben. Princess may have lost her Westminster dream, all part of God’s plan. Ben: We’ve got to go Archie [laughs] you’re crossing a line that we cannot cross at King Falls AM. Archie: Judge not, lest ye be judged boys. Kardashians 3:16 or a Psalm or something. I think Troy’s coming around the bend anyways boys, laters! [Hangs up] Sammy: You know when I walk in the door every night I say to myself, ‘Nothing’s going to surprise me tonight’ And more times than not, I am just dead wrong. Ben: Let’s give the phone a rest for a moment, Sammy the record player is just begging to be used.

Sammy: Not a bad idea Ben. [notification sound] Ben: What? Oh my phone! [many notifications] Oh it’s back baby! Sammy: Me too! What’s going on? Ben: What’s up! Oh my God, I could literally kiss the apparition of Steve Jobs. Sammy: Hey, I’ve got a text here, unknown number. Ben: Ok, what does it say? Sammy: I know why this happened, I know how to stop it, we need to talk Ben: What? Sammy: No, that’s what the text said. Ben: You don’t think this has anything to do with.. Thank you, Jesus. [credit music plays]

[magzoso-tech]

New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/the-most-influential-technologies-of-the-2010s/

The Most-Influential Technologies of the 2010s

A decade ago, we typed on computers. Now we talk with them. We used to take taxis. Now an app picks a stranger’s car to ride. We used to meet people in bars. Now we swipe on photos of their faces.

As we round the corner to 2020, I’ve been tallying the ways we use technology that would have made zero sense in 2010. Which had the biggest impact? There was no iconic new product of the 2010s – no iPod or Walkman. Yet so much changed, bringing us new powers, new peril and a dash of dystopia.

This decade made life something that happens on a screen. The smartphone is where we communicate with family, do work, record memories and find entertainment. It was invented in 2007 so disqualified from my list, but in the past decade the smartphone certainly reinvented us – it powers half of the technologies on this list.

This is also the decade that computers became the boss of you. In the case of Uber drivers and other gig-economy workers, software literally tells them what work to do. Algorithms now make decisions that shape the daily life of any person with a phone. Computers decide what we read and watch. Apps hijack our attention for the promise of more “likes.” Just by searching Google, using a map or talking to Alexa, we feed computers personal data that trains artificial intelligence – and fuels businesses that have made us into a product.

With such a central role in our lives, Silicon Valley and Seattle firms this decade became the world’s most valuable companies. Their leap to trillion-dollar valuations was staggering: In January 2010, Apple was worth about $194 billion. Now it’s worth more than six times that. Over that same period, Facebook’s value multiplied about 41 times.

How will we remember the 2010s? At the beginning, we were pretty optimistic about tech. “Sharing economy” companies such as Airbnb actually seemed to be about sharing. Lots of people really believed Facebook would bring the world together. Lately, though, the view has darkened: We’re more aware of the ways tech companies are spying on us and shirking their responsibilities.

Today, most of the technologies on this list can be seen both as a tool and tyrant. One thing we know better going into the 2020s: With great power comes great responsibility.

Instagram’s likes

Facebook’s Instagram helped make photography everyone’s hobby not just by giving us filters, but by making photos easy to share. Since it launched in 2010, Instagram evolved new forms of self-expression – and new ways for tech to hijack our brains.

The app made us voyeurs. It turned living into a performance. It commodified our faces, bodies, travels and aesthetic into “brands” that some influencers have even developed into businesses. The hunt for Gram-worthy vacation shots has damaged once-tranquil destinations and led to deaths by selfie.

How did it hook a billion-plus people? Instagram’s most powerful tool is the heart-shaped like, an expression of somebody’s admiration for a post. The app doles them out like a slot machine, keeping us coming back and creating new posts. (Psychologists call these dopamine hits intermittent variable rewards.) “Do it for the Gram!” is really, “Do it for the likes.”

It’s no wonder that some people report using the app contributes to depression and unhealthy body image. Instagram recently began testing not displaying Like tallies in the hopes of creating a “less pressurized” experience.

Alexa’s ears

Apple’s talking Siri AI on the iPhone beat Amazon’s Alexa to market by three years. But it is Alexa – built into an Echo smart speaker that plays music, answers questions and cracks jokes on demand – that has come closer to the robot butler of our dreams. That idea came naturally to young people, a generation of whom now think you can access the power of the Internet just by talking to the lady in the box. (Why it’s usually a lady is a question we’ll be unpacking for years.)

Alexa also shifted our relationship with tech in other ways. Every time we speak to it, Amazon keeps a recording of our voices to improve its AI systems. We’re working for it, even as it works for us.

The voice assistants Alexa, Siri and rival Google Assistant also helped make us comfortable with the idea there is just one answer to a question. Remember when searching for information required sorting through Google links? Now a tech giant gets to decide.

(Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos owns The Washington Post, but I review all tech with the same critical eye.)

Uber’s X workers

The most-popular ride-hailing app has, of course, changed how we get to the airport and come home after a night out. It has all but wiped out the traditional taxi industry in many places.

But when Uber’s now-ubiquitous UberX service started allowing nonprofessional drivers to provide rides in 2013, it symbolized a whole new way of thinking about work. A smartphone app became a kind of supervisor, with software deciding what job you get and where you go. It gamified employment, incentivizing drivers to take rides they don’t want and punishing them for saying no. It took advantage of people not having better options for work.

Uber defined these workers not as employees because they were just doing a “gig,” and the company was just running a “software platform.” Under these rules, workers didn’t get benefits or protections. This model became a mainstay of Silicon Valley in the 2010s, from DoorDash to Instacart.

Even without the overhead of “employees,” Uber struggles to turn a profit. It enters the next decade with the open question of whether a software platform can ultimately make for a more-efficient company. Its success may hinge on its ability to make good on a so-far unfilled tech promise: self-driving vehicles.

Netflix and binge

Remember a time when we owned music and movies stored in hard drives and DVDs? I bet you don’t even know where those are any more. Now we rent entertainment, through subscriptions from Netflix, Spotify, Apple TV Plus and an ever-growing list of services.

The good of this is we can watch whatever we want, whenever we want, giving us a feeling of incredible abundance. Starting around the time Netflix began streaming its first original show House of Cards in 2013, we stopped watching shows and started binging them. Who needs to leave the house any more? Creators changed the way they developed projects and the kinds of stories they tried to tell. There’s space for more risks: This year, for example, Netflix added a comedy called Special about a gay man with cerebral palsy.

The downside to the streaming revolution is we’ve handed even more power over to technology companies, to whom we have to continue paying rent for content . . . forever.

The sexy Model S

Tesla CEO Elon Musk is one of the most divisive personalities in tech, but at the end of the decade, his influence on automobiles in undeniable.

The Model S sedan, which debuted in 2012, is expensive and has long been in short supply. Still, it established that an all-electric car is a viable and even sexy mode of transportation. It shifted perceptions of electric vehicles from awkward contraptions with golf-cart like acceleration to the halo car of this generation. When you think of a hybrid, you might think Prius. In the same way, electric is synonymous with Tesla.

The Model S also established that a car is a kind of consumer electronics. It was one of the first vehicles that got better with regular over-the-air software upgrades, making the car more like a smartphone.

Feeds and filter bubbles

The Facebook News Feed launched way back in 2006, but it wasn’t until this decade that we came to understand it shapes even our offline world. The idea of a “feed,” now used by many apps and websites, is an answer to the abundance of information online. Instead of presenting it all or asking us to sort, it lets an algorithm organize the information based on what we’ve looked at before. You might see news about vaccines while I see news about climate change.

But when social media feeds become a major source of information, we risk losing important common ground. In 2011, author Eli Pariser gave this phenomenon a name: the “filter bubble.” The danger is people inhabit different realities. Our bubbles entertain us, outrage us, distract us, upset us – and harden our politics.

During the 2016 U.S. presidential election, we learned bubbles – and ads that can be micro-targeted to them – can also be weaponized. Foreign agents spread disinformation on Facebook, Twitter and other sites through targeted posts and paid ads. It’s hard to measure exactly how much they shaped the election’s outcome, but battles are raging about what responsibility sites have to reject such content – and pop our bubbles – in the 2020 race and beyond.

The Apple Watch prescription

Serious athletes have long used tech to track performance. Then in 2011, Nike produced one of the first wrist-wearable trackers for the rest of us, the $150 FuelBand. Nike eventually killed the product, but it helped create an idea today we take for granted: that a gadget could make you healthier by collecting even more data about your body. It was called the “quantified self.”

After the Apple Watch debuted in 2015, wearables went mainstream with fitness as their No. 1 selling point. Now tens of millions don’t think twice about sending heart rate, activity and other intimate data to a technology company and taking advice from it on how to improve wellness and even avoid life-threatening disease.

Earlier this year, Google purchased Apple Watch rival Fitbit, which also makes watches that collect body data. That sets up what’s likely to be one of the biggest tech titan battles of the next decade over health care.

The Ring’s connected eye

When the Ring doorbell debuted from a start-up in 2013, connecting security cameras and household appliances to the Internet seemed to hold so much promise. Ring, which puts a webcam inside a doorbell, would let you know when someone was at your door, even if you weren’t at home.

Seven years later, Ring is owned by Amazon, and we’re waking up to the downsides of having our homes online. The device’s popularity has made it a target for hackers, who take advantage of weak defenses to spy on people’s homes. Through partnerships with police, Ring is also increasingly looking like a neighborhood surveillance system that we installed ourselves.

The iPad digital babysitter

The last major product from Apple co-founder Steve Jobs before he died in 2011 changed the definition of a computer. Today, the iPad far outsells Apple’s Mac laptops.

The iPad’s biggest fans are perhaps all under the age of 10. For this generation, which seems to intuitively grasp its finger-first interface, the iPad and other tablets are digital babysitters. It’s the device parents hand over to keep the kids happy on a long flight, or as a reward for doing chores. iPads hooked millions of kids on YouTube – and made Baby Shark an icon.

So there’s great irony in reports that Jobs himself didn’t like exposing his kids to the iPad. Now many people are reckoning with what they fear is an addiction to “screen time,” both for their kids and themselves. Apple has responded with some parental controls and time limits, but getting the balance right remains a struggle.

Finger and face tech

A decade ago, fingerprint-reading and facial-identification technology, also known as biometrics, was the stuff of Mission Impossible movies. Then, in 2013, Apple added Touch ID, a fingerprint reader built into the home button, as a way to unlock the $200 iPhone 5S. Four years later, it switched to Face ID, which reads faces. Now it feels impossible that we ever had to type in passcodes to unlock a phone.

Biometrics are generally a good way to secure devices. The problem is not all uses of our fingers and faces are created equal. Businesses increasingly pitch it as a convenience; Facebook runs facial recognition on our photos to power name-tagging. Now governments and airports want to use it to pick out suspected criminals and speed up processing.

But doing so brings surveillance to parts of life that used to be comfortably anonymous. These systems still have many problems accurately identifying people of color. And they put our faces at risk of being stolen by hackers. Figuring out the balance of usefulness and protection will be one of the biggest privacy battles of the 2020s.

© The Washington Post 2019

[stjohnsglobal]

One of the main themes highlighted by St. John’s University’s Study abroad programs is migration.

There is something amazing about being able to see the sights of Europe: The Eiffel Tower, The Colosseum, Sagrada Familia, and so on. And while I enjoyed getting to see the rich history here and learn all about these historical and sacred places, the thing that I’ve taken away most from my trip abroad is the volume of current things going on in Europe that I simply had no idea, or only a vague idea, about. My theology professor here has been living in Italy for eight years or so, and she says that she remembers how different it is in The United States. It’s like being in your own world entirely, so far removed from other countries. Because of the proximity and relationships within the European Union (EU), I think that it simply isn’t as easy to be disconnected from the rest of the world here. When you add in the size of The United States and relationships with the rest of North America and South America, Europe barely stands a chance to truly enter our news network.  

For all of the places I visited, I both intentionally and unintentionally learned more and more about the issues that citizens of the countries were facing. I have been fortunate enough to travel to Paris, Barcelona, Zurich, Edinburgh, Bucharest, and, of course, Rome and around Italy. In this post, I hope to help you to travel with me and see what I’ve learned about these places and their trials. While most of the information has been compiled throughout the semester, I linked some fact-checkers and ways to read/watch more about these issues below.

One of the main themes highlighted by St. John’s University’s Study abroad programs is migration. It is integrated into every class possible, and this has helped me understand the issues. With the current climate all across Europe, there couldn’t be anything more appropriate. The first place I would like to focus on is France. My first stop in Europe was in Paris, France, and I was immediately amazed by its wonder and beauty. 

However, there is no question about the political and social turmoil that has been occurring there for years. While many of us have heard about the attacks on Paris and Nice, there is a much deeper disdain toward foreigners that is not far removed from these attacks. In the United States, we refer to ourselves as a melting pot, a blending of cultures to create a diverse society. In France, it couldn’t be more the opposite. A dirty word in American history, assimilation, is their reality. When you are immigrating to France, you are expected to become French. While I’ve noticed that this is a theme around Europe and the hyphenated identities (African-American, Irish-American, Italian-American, etc.) of the US don’t exist here, it runs deeper in France. A culture that is not their own is washed away here, especially when it comes to religion. In 2004, French began the consideration of outlawing wearing burqas, hijabs, kippahs, and large displays of crosses. The one that came into effect is of any sort of face-veil, which directly targets Muslims, but it is widely encouraged to not wear any religious symbols and make yourself a target. Outside of religion but not far from it, immigrants tend to be living in suburbs or lower socioeconomic areas of Paris. They isolate themselves because they don’t feel welcome, and they create their own communities that are segregated from the whole of Paris and therefore France. While this brings in the question of open- vs. closed-borders and integration, it also creates a breeding ground for terrorists. In fact, the Paris attacks of 2015 had French natives involved. One of my classes studied how people can feel drawn to join a terrorist group and act when they feel that they are not being represented. In a society where culture erasure is meant to create a unified whole, it instead has created tense relations that have lead to attacks. In the US, we can obviously relate with recent immigrant issues at the forefront of politics.  

Rome, and Italy as a whole, had similar issues with immigration. Italy quickly has become the liaison between the Middle East and North African (MENA) countries to the rest of Europe. Many people from MENA countries will enter into Italy through the Mediterranean with the intention of staying until they can make it further north. This has caused a great strain on the economy and relationships between natives and the new demographic. In this country, strict self-segregation can also be seen. In my economics class, we took a trip to a town called Torpignattara, which has been dubbed “Banglatown”. This town is full of heavily concentrated immigrants, many from Bangladesh as implied by the name, and they have made more of a town of their own than become a part of Rome. Their town is filled with stores with their native clothing, food, and other goods. They support their own small economy, not the whole of Rome. Rather, they send a majority of their money home. All of these issues have brought immigration to the forefront of Italy’s political atmosphere. There have even been talks of leaving the EU to allow them to have more ability to control their immigration laws. Another effect that has happened to Italy is called ‘The Brain Drain’. Basically, well-educated individuals are leaving the country in search of better job opportunities. This makes it hard for the country to continue to develop and westernize since the best of the best are leaving.  

By far the most interesting thing to learn about was the potential secession of Catalonia from Spain. Catalonia is to Spain what, for example, Pennsylvania is to The United States. While it is just a region, it functions more as a state with its own government. This region includes Barcelona, a city that was my first international trip leaving Rome. Upon arriving, it was clear that there was some strong political movement going on. Every single apartment building had plenty of windows donning the Catalonian flag (which I initially thought were weathered Puerto Rican ones) and signs along the lines of “we won’t be silenced” and “free Catalonia”. Out of intrigue, I did some research while there to try to figure out what was going on. Catalonia is the richest region in Spain, and because of this, they pay high taxes. However, much of that tax money they don’t see coming back to their own region. Rather, it is used for other regions in Spain. Aside from this main issue, Catalonia has an entirely different culture and even their own language, Catalan. Catalan is more similar to Italian and French than Spanish, which definitely threw me off while I was in Barcelona. I am by no means a Spanish speaker, but I think that everyone in the US picks up a few things. Having traveled to Puerto Rico not long ago, I thought I could at least order french fries (papas fritas), but even that wasn’t immediately recognizable (patates fregides). The most interesting part of this whole thing to me was the numbers about who really wants this. 90% of the population that chose to vote in the referendum said that they wanted to secede. There is much more that goes into this whole issue, including violence, some people in jail or in hiding in other countries, and some lost votes. Overall based on what I saw and what the numbers show this is a very real and pressing issue in this area. Because Spain is a country that is in the Western world and there was violence involved, I assume that this is something that I would have heard of. It just enlightened me even further to how little I am in touch with the rest of the world.  

When traveling to Switzerland, I figured that this would be an amazing experience to see a flourishing society. While Switzerland is best known for being neutral, making watches, and having thousands of bank accounts, I think that in general it is regarded as a country that has itself together. I know in the past I’ve heard it referred to as the world’s happiest country, so how could it possibly have issues? However, I happened to be in Zurich and fell into the middle of a women’s rights protest. Surprisingly, it was actually quite alarming. While I haven’t attended a women’s march in the United States, I have never seen images of police barricading streets at one of these. That’s usually shown in photos from much more violent events. However, trying to get off the main street where the parade arrived, it was nearly impossible. Police completely lined the surrounding streets with full barricades, even blocking off bridges. While it didn’t seem like it was meant to aggressively prevent violence and maybe rather to keep them on course, it certainly seemed much more like they were expecting a proper riot to begin. Police barricading streets and a large political protest aren’t something that you’d expect from the world’s happiest country in the slightest. When I looked into it, Switzerland was extremely late to the game in allowing women to vote. They did it in 1971. In the US all women and men were not actually allowed to vote until 1964, which isn’t that far off from this time, but at least the premise of women being allowed was introduced earlier. In 1985, a law passed that enforced that husbands no longer legally own their wives, which looking at it from a 2019 lens is absolutely insane. These dates are concerningly late, but the difference in Switzerland is the speed with which things are changing. Since the 1970s, laws about equal pay, equal opportunity, abortion, maternity leave, and more have been coming into place. So, with it’s issues, perhaps Switzerland is the happiest country in the world because of its ability to adapt and learn quickly.  

My next stop was Edinburgh, Scotland. At this point, I would say that hopefully most Americans at least have heard of Brexit, the United Kingdom’s decision to leave the EU. Especially with it meaning to be enacted in March and being pushed back, it has been in the news more and more as of late. Still, I wouldn’t say the light is shed on it in America like it was around the time of the original referendum. However, here in Europe it is everywhere. Any time I have been in a place with a radio or the news on, no matter what country I’m in, I have heard the word “Brexit” even if I don’t understand anything else being said. When being in Scotland, you could see posters around either supporting or being against it. There was even a group of guys standing at a popular intersection holding a sign saying “Honk to Stop Brexit!”. In my travel plans, I made sure to have my trip occur before the date they were meant to leave the EU, simply because I didn’t know how it would change me travelling from Italy to the UK. Because I have friends that live in the UK and hope to one day study there, Brexit is something that I have been trying to follow as it goes on. Interestingly, I learned more about what the issues are through my Current Terrorist Movements government class I’m taking here. I was assigned an essay about the issues between England and Ireland in the past, which are still strongly rooted in today’s issues. With Northern Ireland being a part of the UK and Ireland not being a part of it, the biggest issue with Brexit at the moment is how trade will continue between these two regions. When that border has been closed in the past, it has led to great violence. Both of these countries being a part of the EU was a great solution because of the free movement of people and goods. While trade with the rest of the world is in question as well, this specific issue is one of the main reasons that the British Parliament has had issues with actually leaving the EU. Each deal that has been proposed either will lead to this chaos or won’t lead to a proper secession from the EU in the long run. Like I said, I have been keeping some track of this issue, but I think that it has quickly fallen out of the American mainstream media since the referendum. Great Britain is a global superpower and has always had strong ties with The United States, so any issues in their economy and global status will massively affect ours and other countries.  

With my time in Europe, it was important for me to visit some part of Eastern Europe. Eastern Europe has a rich and complicated past, and the effects of it are still incredibly impactful on these countries today. I would say that I have never really properly learned about the real issues there other than “the USSR was bad, and we still might not be a fan of Russia.” This trip was very enlightening for me to see a little bit more about at least one place there. I was able to visit Bucharest, Romania, which is formerly communist, supported by although not officially a part of the Soviet Union. On a tour, I learned all about their history, and I found it incredibly interesting. Romania has only been a unified country since the 1860s. Everyone calls America a baby of a country, but this is even more so by a century. They decided to have a monarchy, but their monarchy fell not long after it was put into place. Their last king was forced to renounce his crown by the communist party that came into place. After the communist party was taken down through the execution of the leader and his wife, the people actually wanted the last king to come back and to resume the monarchy. However, the crooked government that is currently in power had exiled the king, therefore not allowing him to come back into power despite the people’s want. Their current government is run by the Social Democratic Party, but the party is not favored by the people. In 2017, they saw intense riots revolving around the corruption in the country. There was a law attempted to be passed that would erase charges and free prisoners that were charged with government corruption. In easy terms, they were trying to pass a corrupt law to free corrupt friends that had just been charged with their crimes. While their issues with corruption are slowly getting better, they have been called one of the most corrupt countries in Europe. My tour guide noted that there is not a single day that there is not a protest outside of their parliament; even if it is just a few people, there is always something.  

So what is the point of all of this? The United States needs to be more in touch with the rest of the world. While, of course, we should focus on our own issues, the unity of Europe is something to be desired. They all know what is going on in their surrounding countries, whereas I couldn’t even tell you what’s happening in most of the whole of America. Even one tour that was in Italy had made a joke about Barcelona and whether or not they will be a part of Spain soon, and I was proud that I was actually able to follow along. Having this knowledge makes you have a greater worldview and perspective on politics. In fact, by knowing more about what other countries are dealing with and laws and measures they have put into plan, we can take a look at our own country and scrutinize and change laws to make it a better country. St. John’s University has four words in its mission: Catholic, Vincentian, Metropolitan, and Global. The first three are things that I had experienced while studying in New York, but I couldn’t be more grateful to have gotten in touch with the global aspect. There is only so much World News with David Muir can cover, so education systems, international news sources, and most importantly individuals need to make a point to learn more about what’s going on in the world. While I still would say I’m highly ignorant to South America, Africa, and Asia, at the very least I have started my knowledge journey here in Europe and intend to continue it.  

Rebeka Humbrecht, Spring 2019 

Social Media Ambassador

Further Readings:  

France

https://edition.cnn.com/2015/12/08/europe/2015-paris-terror-attacks-fast-facts/index.html  

http://theconversation.com/the-long-troubled-history-of-assimilation-in-france-51530  

Italy  

https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/835661/Italy-migrant-crisis-EU-Europe-borders-immigration-issue  

Spain

https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2017/oct/01/catalan-independence-referendum-spain-catalonia-vote-live  

https://www.brookings.edu/blog/order-from-chaos/2017/09/29/the-referendum-in-catalonia-explained/  

Switzerland

https://www.thelocal.ch/20170308/12-fascinating-facts-about-the-history-of-womens-rights-in-switzerland  

United Kingdom  

(These are more biased, but do a really great job at laying it out.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAgKHSNqxa8  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyVz5vgqBhE    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaBQfSAVt0s  

Romania  

http://time.com/4660860/romania-protests-corruption-problem/  

https://www.business-anti-corruption.com/country-profiles/romania/  

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

We're all second-screening. Here's how you're doing it wrong.

Second-screening — watching TV while also looking at your phone, tablet or laptop — is probably the  most widely adopted destructive behavior of the decade. We keep hearing that it's bad for us; we keep doing it regardless. It's the smoking of the 2010s. 

Psychologists were sounding the alarm as early as 2012 that this kind of screen-based multitasking seemed to be correlated with depression and anxiety. Did we listen? Did we hell. Back then, according to Nielsen, a mere (!) 40 percent of American adults looked at their phones or tablets every day while parked in front of the tube. By 2017, according to eMarketer, that number had climbed to over 70 percent. 

The same study anticipated that second-screening would afflict 76 percent of us by 2019; looking around our living rooms now, that figure seems too conservative. 

SEE ALSO: Dear significant others: Please let us watch our shows alone

"It relaxes me," my wife says, slightly defensively, when I catch her playing a mobile game rather than paying attention to our show. And really, who am I to judge? Many's the time I've thumbed through Twitter in the dull moments of a so-so episode. No one could be faulted for trying to hide from the commercial break by plunging into their phones instead. 

Let he who has never second-screened cast the first stone. 

So if we all do it, perhaps it's time to acknowledge that — and instead of wagging hypocritical fingers at each other, try to limit our second-screening in sensible ways that can help head off the worst, most anxiety-inducing aspects. Here's a look at the ways we're doing it right and wrong. 

RIGHT: Stay on topic

Probably the most positive use case for second-screening is breaking news. Cable channels can give you one stream of information on a fast-developing story, the internet can provide another, and the two together make you less quick to jump to wrong conclusions. 

When you've got multiple sources agreeing on the details of any still-murky event, you're doing news right. 

With one eye on the news anchor and a thumb on Twitter, you're less likely to feel useless in the face of the latest unspeakable tragedy. You can donate, you can write to your representatives, you can motivate and console friends. A 2015 paper on "Second Screen Use and Its Effect on Online Political Participation" reached the conclusion that it actually makes us better, more engaged citizens. 

The record high youth voter turnout in the 2018 midterm election, the most recent test of our activist second-screen culture, certainly did not disprove this theory. 

But you don't have to be saving the world from your couch to feel good about second-screening. The psychological toll (not to mention the IQ-dropping effect!) of multi-tasking seems to derive from the effort of making our brain pay attention to two disparate topics at once. 

If you're looking up the answers to questions brought about by the show, or live-tweeting it, you're going to have a better time than if you're just randomly browsing Instagram or scrolling anxiously through your email.

The early 2010s saw a brief flurry of interest in official second-screen apps specifically designed for popular shows, such as ABC's Grey's Anatomy Sync. That app has since vanished from app stores — possibly because it was redundant, given Twitter's ability to host all kinds of conversations, but more likely because Big TV realized that most of us aren't second-screening that way. 

According to that eMarketer study, 131.5 million U.S. adults were looking at unrelated content on their phones and tablets while watching TV; just 46.2 million were browsing something related. 

Be smart. Be one of the 46.2 million. 

WRONG: Don't do it tired

There is, my wife the expert suggests, a limited pool of mental energy available for second-screening. The research on multitasking would seem to back this up, although we probably need more specific research on second-screening itself.

But anecdotally, I think we all know this to be true. Second-screen for too long, or do it too late in the evening, and you end up in a kind of mindless zombie second-screening situation. One where, if you were suddenly asked at any given moment what was happening on either of the screens, you might be hard pressed to answer. Where has your mind gone? 

Our current global epidemic of sleeplessness is at least partly caused by the blue glow of LED screens. There's also a second-order effect involved: our obstinate insistence at bathing in two screens at once, too close to bedtime. 

RIGHT: Stay alert for ads

An unsuspecting family about to be lured in by marketing.

Image: Getty Images/Hero Images

The zombified nature of the worst kind of second-screening may also be responsible for another  trend: we are ridiculously receptive to advertising when we're doing it. 

That's partly because we're in more of a position to follow up on a TV ad if we have a device in our hands already. A 2018 study found the average viewer is 75 percent more likely to search for the product if they're second-screening, and that you're even more likely to do so if you're over 40. 

But it also works the other way around — in terms of the screen and in terms of generations. A more recent study by Aki Technologies found that viewers were 59 percent more receptive to mobile ads if they're second-screening, moreso if they're millennials. 

In other words, the more screens we use, the more advertisers and marketers have us right where they want us. Far be it for a journalist to decry this state of affairs and bite the hand that feeds us, but we should at least be aware that it's happening — not just to us, but to our kids too. 

WRONG: Doing it alone

Pick a screen, dude.

Image: Getty Images/Maskot

Second-screening makes a kind of sense for couples and families. It surfs the fine line between together time and alone time without you having to move from the couch. Your significant other can watch their favorite show while you catch up on work, indulge a good old-fashioned Facebook session, or maybe even — whisper it low — read a book.

But if you're flying solo, there's less of an excuse — and more of a possibility that you're just using multiple screens as a substitute for sociability. Are you getting that bright zombified buzz from being bathed in completely disparate kinds of media at once? Maybe pick a lane and stay in it. 

Better yet, invite a bunch of introverted friends over, specifically for second-screening purposes. The lure of alone time together is stronger than you might think. 

RIGHT: Stay connected

Even if you and your partner/family are all on the couch together, there is a right and a wrong way to second-screen. 

Everyone's mileage differs on this, depending on your ideal level of physical affection. Personally, I'd argue that second-screening without some form of snuggling is no kind of second-screening at all. Holding hands while staring at different devices, occasional squeeze included, is a good way to remind each other that you're present, no matter how deep your internet rabbit hole has gone. 

The other element of second-screen connection to consider is this: are you creating a safe, warm, happy space for conversation? Can anyone look up from their device at any given moment and say what's on their mind? Or are you hushing them, or dramatically rolling your eyes when you have to hit the pause button to hear them out? 

I'm occasionally guilty of the latter. But it's important to remember, especially in our digital age, there is literally nothing we can't put down or pause for a chat. Humans come first. 

No matter how many screens you have around you, remember: they come second.  

WATCH: Report says popular apps are silently recording your screen

[tallmansions]

A Fallen London Story in Four Parts

This was originally a Christmas present for @anakronisma, but as my “Inspired...” quality is always reset every time I sleep, I only just got around to finishing it. Hope you like it, dearest. I tried to do your character and the world justice, but I probably didn’t lmao.

Doctor Kohri is anakronisma’s, and Fallen London is © 2015 and ™ Failbetter Games Limited: www.fallenlondon.com.  This is an unofficial fan work..

Part I: The Sociable Clockmaker, Veilgarden

A flurry of unfortunate circumstances brought Doctor Kohri to me that afternoon, three o’clock on a particularly brisk winter day. From what I understand—and I can guarantee I understand most of it—she was in hot pursuit of a suitable gift for her friend, subsequently settling on scouring the streets around Veilgarden for something marvelous, something quite unlike anything else in the window displays. She had tried the Bazaar, and while its many splendors and varied specialty shops had drawn her eye, her friend had access to the same mannequins and arrangements in addition to her more esoteric selections—selections that Doctor Kohri would not think to peruse even had she the contacts, which she did not.

I had learned of these events not because Doctor Kohri had any desire to tell me, but because the friend in question had cautioned me that the good doctor might come looking my way. How this suspicion came sneaking to this friend is not, in good manners, mine to say, but it would have been even poorer manners not to take such a suspicion into consideration. I was polishing the counter when Doctor Kohri entered. The bells in my shop chimed the time as the door jangled shut behind her.

She didn’t introduce herself, but as no one had come into my shop at all until that point and she fit the description given exactly, I knew it was her. No one else in Veilgarden, wearing such a sober grey dress, would walk with such a straight back. She asked me if I sold baubles, to which I replied that I sold only what interested me and so should be more appropriately termed curiosities. I don’t think she saw the humor in it, but I don’t take my stock humorously, and so I appreciated her reserve.

Doctor Kohri took her time in browsing, asking questions about my products when one struck her fancy. I remember she paid careful attention to the small silver clock with the brass doors above the clock face. I explained to her that the doors would open on the hour, and out would pop the tiniest of bejeweled owls—right on the hour, like I said. She had just missed the three o’clock mark and looked rather interested in seeing the spectacle unfold, for it really is not a sight to be missed. One can get so lost in my shop when the clock strikes the hour. The place erupts into chaos. All the clocks show off each of their tricks—all at once, mind you—and a small bejeweled owl behind brass doors set in a small silver clock can go quite unnoticed in the bedlam. One gets accustomed to it, after all these years, but for the first-time customer, it can be jarring. I’m surprised Doctor Kohri didn’t startle when she first entered the shop.

I could tell she wanted to see the thing in action, but she hadn’t quite persuaded me to deconstruct my piece on display. I asked her to wait one moment while I fetched the extra owl from the back of the shop, and so I can’t say for certain what transpired in the minutes I was indisposed. I do know that I heard the door jangle open and shut once more, then a bit of a scuffle, but as several boxes had toppled out of their proper places in my storeroom, I found myself in a scuffle of my own, trying to make sure no parts had got mixed up.

Once I emerged from the back, with apologies for my age and slow movements on my lips, I found Doctor Kohri bent over a fallen figure, utterly ignoring my excuses. She seemed to be trying to revive the person, pressing her fingers here and there along the body in what I can assume was in a medically sound fashion. I tried to assure her that the person would be quite fine, but she told me she had taken a very chancy risk in fighting her assailant off and hoped to extract some information. Alas, it seemed the person was dead for the time being.

The good doctor was rather put out about that, I can tell you, but there was nothing to be done, and she said she was rather in a hurry and couldn’t stand around waiting. This moment did not appear to be the time to be polite and ask to where she was off or why she had stopped in my shop at random if she were so desperate to secure a gift in a timely fashion, and so I opted for understanding silence. Well, said she, I must be off. And so she was. I admit to some disappointment at not being able to show her my owl, but I remained composed and soon the door closed behind her.

As for the cadaver, the constables made quick work of it and I soon returned to my usual puttering about the store. The lady did not come by to inquire about the doctor until later.

Part II: The Scattered Zailor, Wolfstack Docks

Well, it was ‘round four o’clock, and I’d got my pay, see, so me and the crew was doing some comparisons and gaming, for you best be careful with some of them harbormasters before you get to the gaming part. Glim’s not the quality it used to be when you have pirates from here ‘til the Principles of Coral raiding honest ships for their cargo, so sometimes when the pirates’ve been fiercer, that harbormaster you see there sometimes gets the plaster.

That doctor, she looked Tengrist to me, I don’t know about you. I’ve never gone as far as the Khanate—pirates about, y’see—but ever so often you get some from the Khan’s Shadow who’re even sick of that life, you get ‘em over here as stowaways or passengers. She looked like she had some of that blood in her. Came up to me and the crew like she were ready to push off port, only she asked if we had any trinkets to sell. Trinkets! Like talismans and the ink on my chest are trinkets! This one here, it ain’t any of that Salt creepy-like get-up some of them other zailors got. It keeps the zee-bats away like no one’s the wiser. And it ain’t for sale.

Stone, did that make her skin go pale! Anger, I’d wager. Didn’t look like she’d heard the word “yes” today. Kept trying to barter with me and the crew, kept saying she needed a gift for her friend. I said Lady—and she says It’s Doctor—so I says Doctor, you’re asking the wrong crew and you’re in the wrong part of London.

So the other zailors lurking about have a good chuckle at that, let me tell you! But that dress keeps her ramrod straight like, and she says something about getting jumped in Veilgarden and the foolish sod was dead for now and anyone who’d like could find out how he died. Doc didn’t have a weapon to grab and looked pretty stick-like to my eye, but the laughing sort seemed to take her seriously enough, don’t know why.  Something about her eyes.

Now some right idiot says something about how she knew who’d jumped this doctor—probably hoping for some more glim, greedy thing that she is, I know her. Well, Kohri—because the lady told me later that was the doc’s name, it’s Kohri—looked snap up at that, started edging towards the zailor who’d gabbed, but then every son of a b— on the docks started saying they knew something, and then even I couldn’t tell who’d spoke up first, much less figure if anyone had the truth.

Kohri went somewhere during all this, I don’t know. Saw a group of zailors shouting and heading all in a pack towards some building, but since it was pay and all, I expect they were headed for a mushroom wine or for honey or anything other than some good glim gaming, hey, nice and legal.

Now that I scrub my brains a bit, the lady came by just not too long after that. She plays a good game herself, but don’t you mention that to her.

Part III: The Voracious Lurker, Spite—perhaps

I send people out, I send people to hunt, to find, to feed me

They scribble and wriggle into every little corner of every little shop of every little house

I don’t like scraps. I demand decadence.

My little ratlings, my scrabbling people

And she hurt them the doctor Kohri she hurt them she hurt them and didn’t bring me

something to eat.

 She can kill my ratlings, they’ll be fine, I always have more, I always want more, but she has to replenish

which she didn’t.

She was like a ratling herself, scurrying to search for something to send her friend

She found me instead.

 Followed a tip, the tip of a zailor off the tip of her tongue, wondered why a ratling would cause her harm

None of my people cause harm

They feed me

Spices and salamanders and zee-bats and soft skin and syrups and

I’m hungry again. What have you brought me?

 Ah, yes

Of course

Doctor Kohri.

 It wasn’t the ratling’s fault

It wasn’t personal

I was just hungry

And oh

Kohri stumbled her way to me

 I used to be like her

Inquisitive

Daring

Watchful

Reserved

No.

I was never reserved

I liked to eat.

 Spite is good to me

This place gives me lost ratlings

I feed them—for a time, I give them someplace to stay, I set them free again to bring me my dessert

Give me give me give me give me Kohri’s head on a platter.

Let me eat.

She killed my ratling.

She came in here and I was ready to eat.

But the lady followed her in and swept her away.

Part IV: The Irresistible Lady, The Shuttered Palace

Kohri? She’s safe at home, I’d assume. She finds herself in the strangest situations, did you know? I had a feeling she’d contort herself into all sorts of delightful and embarrassing positions the moment I told her I had a gift for her. I knew she’d go running all over London and perhaps even beyond trying to return the favor. Can you imagine having a friend like that? I can, and it’s tiring, let me tell you!

I mean that in the best possible way, of course. “Tiring” means you’ve done something exciting enough to wear you out.

Well, I don’t like to spy on my friends, if that’s what this is all about. I keep an eye out. They can handle themselves, certainly, but some of them are newer to London than others. Some are newer still to the Unterzee itself. So I keep a close watch without interfering too much—just the right amount. Enough to excite me, to tire me out.

Now, I happen to know a little shop in one of the cozier corners of Veilgarden, and one of my friends—I do have many friends, you know; being the poetess-in-residence gives me many friends—this friend told me of another friend headed to that shop. Friends everywhere, you see! I thought I could catch up with her, but by the time I arrived, I could see the constables clearing out. I pay my dues as rightly I should, but that isn’t to say I like hanging about a constable when I see one, and so by the time I was able to pop my head in, Kohri was already gone.

I heard she had a scuffle on the docks, if that’s why you’re so concerned about her wellbeing. I most certainly would not have had anything to do with that. One of my friends might have done, however.

But Kohri does have the habit of watching for things beyond her, and then following them into the twisting shadows and searing secrets they spin for her. Someone has to have friends enough to protect other friends. Perhaps she thought to find me something in that hoard of luxury hidden under cobwebs and rust and bones and spilled wine. Perhaps she thought to seek answers for a day spent fruitlessly wandering, wandering, wandering. Perhaps she was not as familiar with London’s more reclusive and interesting denizens as she believed. Perhaps she thought she could handle herself when faced with ancient horror.

Or perhaps I’m making all this up! Kohri is asleep at home, that I can tell you. If you ask her anything about the matter, I assure you she won’t have any answers for you. She will most likely have fewer, in fact. I highly doubt she remembers anything of today at all! Silly doctor doesn’t even know her own health. Tomorrow she will awaken with a signed copy of my latest verses by her bedside table, and I will tell her how I delivered it during her most delirious moments, and she will not question me. I recommend you do the same.

I suppose this means I won’t be getting my gift from her, but don’t you go telling her that.

[samtheflamingomain]

0 reasons why

It's been about two and a half months since I was kicked out. I've told the story of how and why that happened, but since then I haven't posted much if anything.

A lot of it is because I've been incredibly busy and stressed, homeless and in the hospital. But it's been a week since I finally got settled. I've had a bad cold but I've also had a bad case of emotional numbness.

I've desperately needed to do some writing to process everything that's happened in the last few months but haven't felt like I could. I still don't, but it's time to give it a try.

After I was kicked out I spent two weeks living in a shitty run-down motel next to a strip club. I was confronted by pimps on my second day and was nearly arrested twice, but for some ungodly reason, looking back on the last 2.5 months, that's when I was happiest.

I kind of understand why; I'd been duped and brainwashed by my abusive parents my entire life and now I was seeing the light. I was frantically searching for a place to live before I ran out of time at the motel, but I found one, and that only amplified my happiness. Now I was going to get out on my own and truly start my life.

Only that didn't happen. What I thought was a "shared accommodations" apartment was actually classified as a boarding house because the landlord lived there and shared the kitchen with the boarders. Legally, I had no right to keep my cat there.

I informed my ex-mother of this fact and she threatened to throw out all my stuff, get rid of my cat, and cut off my phone service. In tears, I ran to the police station where they called my birthgivers to tell them they had to keep my stuff and cat until I found a place to keep them.

So round two of looking for a place to live had begun. It took longer this time but I eventually found two girls who were looking for a third roommate. We meshed well and they'd let me move in on April 1st.

I still had more than two weeks of having not much to do though; kind of where I'm at now but with better excuses: I didn't have my cat, most of my art supplies, or any money. I also knew that I desperately needed to be on different meds.

Let me interlude briefly here to explain in monotonous detail my med situation: in the past, I've been diagnosed with depression. I've since been diagnosed with bipolar and recently re-diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. They're diagnostically very similar, so this distinction doesn't mean much in practice. I'm the kind of mentally ill where they do their best to treat the symptoms without worrying much about the label. Because my symptoms fulfill the requirements of almost every mental illness, and I'm not exaggerating.

There's also another diagnosis that's somewhat difficult to explain and impossible to treat medically: Reactive Attachment Disorder. I've written about it in the past so I won't bore you again, but basically it means my parents didn't parent right and as a result I don't love them and never did. When diagnosed in children, the treatment is taking the child from the abusive parents. Which I would've loved. I spent my entire childhood waiting for my parents to divorce, wishing I was an orphan, even wishing I'd wake up or come home and they'd be dead.

When it goes unnoticed till adulthood, the only thing that treats this attachment disorder is cutting ties with the parents and a metric fucktonne of therapy.

A bit of a tangent: has anyone read Sybil? I know a lot of people from my high school did because it was required reading for a popular course. It's about the titular character's child abuse manifesting itself as "multiple personalities" or dissociative identity disorder. In it, Sybil has a therapist that she sees almost every day. I remember thinking many things at the time of reading it, but two stand out: "Sybil's childhood was nothing compared to mine" and "I wish I could afford to see a therapist every day, lord knows I need it."

Anyway, back to my meds: I still need something for anxiety, something for sleep, and something for a symptom called mood lability: emotional disregulation. For me, this comes as a result of never learning about emotions or controlling them. Until I was 20, I had never even understood that thoughts are seperate from emotions. All I knew about controlling my emotions was that I should be able to do so at the drop of a hat, less my parents scream at me till I puked from crying so hard.

But you can't control your emotions, only how you react to and express them. So I learned as a young child how to do that, and the best way was to lie. I'm probably the best liar I know with the exception of my ex-father, who is a literal sociopath. I'm not. I feel guilt when I lie, but it became a necessary way of coping with my parents.

ANYWAY, back AGAIN to my meds. Mood lability is common in bipolar and schizoaffective and is treated by a mood stabilizer. In the past, psychiatrists would usually encounter me during a depressive phase, mark me as depressed, and put me on an antidepressant. I've been on every single SSR/NI and none have done a single damn thing. In 2015 I was referred to rTMS brain stimulation. I did it a year later. And at the end, I was manic, and diagnosed with bipolar.

Unfortunately, my psychiatrist didn't listen to the psychiatrist running the rTMS who rediagnosed me, and continued to ignore my pleas to put me on a mood stabilizer. After another 6 months of re-trying all the SSRIs I'd already tried, he referred me to ECT, a last-resort treatment that can cause permanent memory loss. That's when I begged my doctor to get me a new psychiatrist.

He did. Same drugs, same attitude, same bullshit.

I saw him the day before I was kicked out. He did nothing. I tried to kill myself twice the following week but the hospital wouldn't admit me because I was homeless. I came in a third time psychotic. They sent me home to lay in bed hallucinating and sobbing for 8 hours till I passed out. I saw the psychiatrist again, and I told him that I'd been kicked out and homeless and he told me, more or less, to save it for my therapist, he only dispensed drugs.

This brings us back to mid-March when I'd just gotten a place to live starting April first. Knowing the hospital wouldn't admit me, knowing the psychiatrist wouldn't change my meds, and knowing I couldn't deal with the insanely rapid-fire mood cycling I was going through, I slowly deterriorated mentally, only getting worse when my ex-mother told me she'd had a heart attack. That's when I saw a way out: to kill my ex-father.

He was the cause of all this. At first I lamented the idea that I'd caused her heart-attack, but if anything, he did. He's the one who cheated on her and he's the reason she kicked me out. He's the reason I'm a liar and an asshole and a generally awful person. Because I had to be those things to survive living with him. More than a few times, I've been afraid that he'd kill me in a bout of uncontrollable anger. He deserved it.

But I knew it was fucking insane. I wouldn't go to prison, so I knew I'd have to kill myself after doing it. But I also knew I wouldn't do it. I went back to the hospital for the forth time in a month.

Thankfully, because they give more of a shit about my waste-of-space ex-father's life than my own, threatening to kill someone gets you a bed on the psych ward much faster than threatening to kill yourself. Once I knew I was momentarily safe and that I'd likely walk out with new meds and a new psychiatrist, I felt instantly better. I was only there 4 days. I quickly came to the conclusion that it would actually be more merciful for me to kill him than to let him live out the rest of his short lifespan. 

(He's got a degenerative disease called ankylosing spondalitis. Since age 25, his vertebrae have been slowly, painfully fusing together to form one giant spine bone. He won’t make it to 65. He can't bend his back and some days he can barely walk it's so painful. I'm glad.)

It takes a certain kind of person to enjoy someone else's pain, but I know I'm not evil because of it. I still pity my ex-mother because she's going to have to be in emotional pain for the rest of her life and I will never, ever forgive her for chosing him over me. I don't enjoy thinking about anyone else in pain except him. Because he truly, truly deserves it. 

I was prescribed a mood stabilizer on March 20th, got a new psychiatrist for March 31st, and a new sleeping pill on that same date. I moved the next day and couldn't fill the prescription until I moved, then the pharmacy said they'd have to order my new sleeping pill. So, on April 2nd, just a day after moving in, I went to the wine store, bought a bottle of 20% fortified wine, drank it in 2 hours, found rope in the garage and tried to hang myself.

One of the roommates heard my desperate pleas for death to envelope me, came in and pulled me down. When she went for her phone, I went for my razor and cut my arm wide open.

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and sewn up, but left to suffer a psychotic episode in the waiting area for 4 hours till I passed out. I was there for over 15 hours, given no pain meds, no food, and none of my regular medication. I didn't even have my phone or wallet on me. The psychiatrist released me the next morning. I was only able to get back "home" thanks to a friendly patient giving me some money for the bus.

I got back at noon and the roommates were very cold. I get it, I really do. It can't be easy to have to call an ambulance for someone you just let move in. But that's partially why I did it: they barely knew me, so they wouldn't be as affected by it as they would if they'd gotten to know me first.

I immediately tried to sleep with my new sleeping pill. As I was drifting off, the landlord barges in and says I have to leave, immediately, and find a new place for May 1st. Just hours after being released from the hospital. I tried to explain to him that I just needed to sleep and I'd be okay. He said, and I quote, "You need help. You need to be in the hospital 24/7."

Well actually, asshat, if that were the case, I would've still been at the hospital. I told him I had nowhere to go. He said "find somewhere." So I said goodbye to my cat, whom I'd just gotten back after a month and a half of not seeing him, and went to stay at a youth homeless shelter while I looked for a new place to live. They changed the locks and said that if I wanted to get something I had to call and ask the landlord first and he'd let me in, maybe, if he felt like it.

I talked to a lawyer the next day. Since the landlord's daughter is one of the tenants, I was, again, not covered by the Landlord and Tenant Act, meaning he could kick me out for any reason at any time - but he did need to give me at least a week's notice or give me my rent back. I wanted to stay at the house till I found a new place, but he refused. He (illegally) withheld my rent until I moved out. Thankfully I found a place almost immediately, signed a lease with my name on it, and was able to move in on the 15th.

Unfortunately, many, MANY things went wrong between the 3rd when I left and the 15th when I moved in to the place I'm at now.

On the 5th, my bike seat was stolen. I replaced it. On the 6th, my entire bike was stolen. The police said I might as well forget about it; bikes are low on their priority list and are almost never found.

On the 7th, I woke up in the shelter to a phone-shaped hole in my belongings. I reported it stolen and the shelter said I'd have to wait several days (which turned into several weeks) before they'd do anything about it. They just installed new cameras, the only person authorized to view the cameras was on vacation, the police could only do something if they had the camera footage.

But I thought of something. It was an iPhone, so I went into the Cloud and clicked "Find My iPhone". Unfortunately, "Sam's iPhone" couldn't be located. Fortunately, this was because it had turned into "Jessy's iPhone". And it was at Bleams and Strausberg.

Showing this to the shelter workers was proof enough to get him kicked out of the shelter, but not enough to get my phone back. I know it's long gone by now, along with my SIM card and over 400 pictures of my cat growing up, but I'm still pressing charges, because the first day I spent without so much as a way to tell time was one of the worst days of my life and I almost killed myself several times. It wasn’t just a phone, it was the only thing I had to keep in contact with people who made me feel safe.

I somehow managed to make it another week and hire movers for the 15th. I needed to pack so I set up an "appointment" with my "landlord" to go back to my "house" to pack my stuff. The movers also needed to do an "estimate" so I set that up for the same date.

Now we get to the part where I fucking hate religion. We live in a SECULAR society whose workings are still controlled by ancient pagan rituals. That is to say, I had unknowingly planned to move on the Easter weekend. That meant several things: the movers called me back to cancel 3 days before the move, I had to hire last-minute movers that cost twice as much, and my landlord, a devout Catholic, was pissed.

Despite him being the reason I was moving, he didn't want me to move till "sometime next week". I told him I'd be moving into my new place on the 15th and if that meant sleeping on the floor, that'd be because of him. I would not spend another night at the homeless shelter when I didn't have to. After a lot of yelling at me and the movers for not showing up TWICE, I finally got my shit moved out of the old place, got my rent back, and got moved into the new place by 11pm on the 15th. I had scheduled the movers for 9am, so I'd been up since 7.

I thought I'd be manic again as I always am when I move houses, but it was actually just profound repression. I slept in till 10am then spent 15 hours straight unpacking and decorating because I didn't want to face whatever I'd be feeling if I stopped.

But eventually I ran out of things to unpack and walls to decorate. That's when the depression starting sinking in and I started trying everything I could to distract myself. I have a massive backlog of Youtube videos I've been working my way through for six months, a bunch of video games I got for Christmas I haven't played yet, and a shitload of errands to do. So I filled my days with those.

I got a new phone, but it didn't make me feel much better because my best friend, who’d just finished school, was just as unresponsive as he was during school. I then spent 4 days with a terrible cold, unable to do anything but watch TV and sleep, and now, it's been a week that I've been here, and I'm more miserable than ever.

A lot of it is because I'm constantly reminded of what happened the last time I was home alone for weeks on end: I tried to kill myself. And that was when I still had a family.

I know I'm infinitely better off without them; I've always tried to live by the immortally wise words of Robin Williams: "It is better to be alone than to be around those who make you feel alone." It's the reason I got rid of my sister, my cousins, even many people I once considered friends: they made me feel alone.

But that doesn't change the fact that I am, ultimately, alone now. Yes, I have a lot of friends and acquaintances on my side, a good psychiatrist for once, and my amazing therapist. But I don't have any family. I have so little family that I had to reach across the globe to a host family I stayed with in France to take another surname.

I've never felt the ever-elusive feeling of homesickness. I've missed my room, my bed, and my pets, but I've never missed my parents. I still don't. I guess that's partially why this is so hard.

I spent my entire life thoroughly enjoying every single second I could get away from them. Ever since I could remember I was counting down the years till I could move out. When I finally did, I became more depressed than ever, culminating, as I mentioned, in a suicide attempt. I hated the hospital so much that I agreed to leave on the condition that I live with my parents again. I never intended to stay more than a month or so, but it ended up being a year.

I spent that year distracting myself and making things feel like they did before I left, because that's what I considered safe. I'd never actually felt safe at home, just safe from change.

Which brings me back to the point I was making about homesickness: I've never felt it because I've never felt at home anywhere. Home is supposed to be a place where you aren't afraid to exist, where you aren't walking on eggshells when you do anything. Home is supposed to be safe from everything. And because I was raised to believe that I'm truly a bad person at my core, I never felt safe from that feeling. And that feeling came from the places and people I was told were "home".

But they weren't. The closest thing to "home" I've ever felt was in fact the sleazy motel on Victoria Street. Despite the dirty dealings going on just walls away and the shady characters I encountered, I felt safe. It was the first place that I lived by myself without needing to explain myself. Let me, ironically, explain myself.

One of the running themes throughout my life has been explaining myself. As a child, I learned that I had to have a reason for doing or feeling anything, and I had to have that reason at the ready when prompted for it. If I wanted to do something and I didn't know the reason why, I either didn't do it, or I invented a reason. Thus how my incredible talent of lying came to be cultivated.

One of the best ways I'm able to articulate and exemplify this feeling of "needing a reason to feel" is via this anecdote: when I was 13 and my parents discovered I was cutting myself, they screamed at me to tell them why I was doing it and wouldn't stop until I gave them a reason. At the time, I didn't know the reason. So I made one up, one that they said was, and I quote, "not good enough". All my life I'd been terrified of hearing that my reasons weren't good enough. Because that meant that I couldn't control everything, that I couldn't lie my way out of anything I did. This was the first time I found myself caught in a lie and the only reason was because I didn't know the truth myself.

I remember the intense feeling of needing a reason in that moment very well. Not wanting to ever feel that again, and still not knowing the "reason" I was depressed, I learned not to tell my parents anything because I feared that no "reason" would ever be "good enough" for them.

Even when I wasn't living with them, it was still ingrained in my mind that everything, every action, every feeling, every thought, required a reason to be. I came up with a million reasons for my depression, but none of them were ever "good enough" - I was going based on what I imagined my parents would say in response to whatever "reason" I had.

Eventually, I was so depressed for so long that they decided it was an actual illness that I couldn't control, that had no reason besides genetics, and that had no treatment besides pills. But that seemed like a contradiction to me: all my life they'd demanded reasons for everything, and now they decided that this one thing was an exception?

It took many years for me to even entertain the possibility that my parents were part of the "reason" for my mental illness. I knew that mental illness was a combination of nature and nurture, but for most of my life I assumed I was on the far end of the spectrum towards "just nature". Now I know the opposite is true.

Once I started becoming aware that they were a huge part of my problem, they started blaming me more and more for absolutely everything. When I was in the hospital in September, the first thing they did when I came home was yell at me to try harder, telling me that I was the reason I wasn't getting better. It took this much happening for me to realize just how deluded they are into believing they never did anything wrong.

The moment of clarity for me was the day I was kicked out. I had spent the night researching and pulling up dozens of webpages about cheaters and liars to prove that my "father" was a lying sack of shit who had cheated on my "mother". I brought my computer upstairs to slowly walk her through the evidence, leading her to the conclusion that he did it and he's lying about it. The first webpage was about gaslighting. She was so far up her own ass, so far in denial that she said, and I quote, "I don't even believe 'gaslighting' is a thing, I bet the ‘doctor’ cited in this isn’t even real." As someone who's been gaslit their entire life and knows it, I realized I would never get through to her if she couldn't even agree on basic terms and concepts.

Then, over the next few weeks, it dawned on me that I never would've gotten through to myself if I hadn't tried getting through to her. I never would've believed she'd be so far in denial until I saw it with my own eyes. I never would've believed she'd chose him over me until it happened.

That's why, after a week of homelessness following 22 years of being chained to their incredibly flawed reasoning about my depression, the shitty motel was like home to me. I did whatever I wanted and didn't ask myself why every step of the way. I felt whatever I felt and didn't need a reason; or, rather, I finally had one that was "good enough" - my parents were and always will be abusive monsters. I and every therapist I've ever talked to agreed on this. I knew it intellectually, but I never believed it, just like my parents never believed I had a "good enough reason" to be depressed.

I guess now that I know I do, I can dust myself off and call it a day. I'd solved the puzzle 20 years in the making of why I've never been happy. But it's not enough to actually make me happy. Because, as I've finally realized in the writing of this monstrosity that reasons aren't enough. They never have been. I've been raised to think that once I found the truth to something, everything would fall into place. But like I've known all my life but never believed, knowing the truth isn't enough to stop it being so.

I honestly didn't know where I was going with this or what would come of it, if anything. But I'm pleasantly surprised. I needed to write some-5000 words to understand that I've lived my entire life obsessed with finding truth without realizing that truth isn't the be-all-end-all of living. Important for many disciplines, of course, but not necessary to justify feelings.

I think now that I understand why I was so happy at the motel I can try and fill in the gaps here. I can try applying the notion of not needing to reason out everything I do and feel. Because, after all, that's what I was doing there, and that's what made the motel the safest and happiest "home" I've ever had. And I need to continue that pattern if I want this new place to become a safe and happy home.

I know nobody has stuck with me throughout this insanely lengthy rambling; it's pretty specific and not worth much to anyone but myself. So for the first time, I say this to myself: Stay Greater, Flamingo.

[princeandvanitydotnet-blog]

Morris Day on Final Meeting With Prince

New Post has been published on http://princeandvanity.net/forums/topic/morris-day-on-final-meeting-with-prince/

Morris Day on Final Meeting With Prince

A Rolling Stone Interview

Source: Yahoo

  Morris Day on Final Meeting With Prince: ‘He Knew Something Wasn’t Right’

At 59, Morris Day is, amazingly, the same insouciant cane-twirler the world met in Purple Rain. “Morris Day, calling in,” he announces with a cocky purr on the phone from his home in Boca Raton, Florida.

Last year, the legendary funk-R&B singer and leader of the Time (a group Prince organized and, ultimately, controlled) recorded his fifth solo album at Doggy Style Records – a special request by Snoop Dogg himself, who executive-produced. It was part of a thrilling period for Day. In 2015, his music was introduced to a new generation of fans via Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars’ clearly Time-informed Number One hit “Uptown Funk,” as well as Hozier and Este Haim’s cover of the Time’s “Jungle Love” at Coachella.

But everything changed one day last April. Day got a call that someone at Paisley Park had died – and eventually confirmed it was Prince. “It was a bad day,” he says, nearly a year later and still shaken. In February, Morris Day released a poignant new ballad called “Over That Rainbow.” The video, premiering here on the one-year anniversary of Prince’s death, shows Day like we’ve never seen him: understated, vulnerable and heartbroken.

Currently on a tour that will last through the summer, Day spoke to Rolling Stone about his last conversation with Prince, his bittersweet Grammys performance with Mars and the pranks he used to play with Prince – namely, lying to the press (including in a Rolling Stone cover story) about a made-up engineer known as Jamie Starr.

  Where did the “Somebody get me a mirror!” bit in your stage show come from?  Well, that was all just a part of being cool.

Do you remember the first time you did that, though? Absolutely. We were at rehearsal getting ready to go on tour. Jerome [Benton] wasn’t in the band yet. He actually used to help us with luggage and kind of do whatever we needed, like a gopher. He’d go to the store, go get us some burgers. So we were rehearsing the song at this little dingy rehearsal hall and when I got to the part in the show where I said, “Somebody bring me a beer,” he ran in the bathroom and grabbed an old mirror off the wall and ran up to me with it [laughs]. We’ve been doing it ever since.

That’s amazing. You even did it when you played Kimmel with Haim in 2015.

  That was an awesome performance. The girls just fell right in. We didn’t even have to rehearse. We talked and it was like, “Y’all know how to do this dance?” and they were like, “Yeah, we could do it.” “That was an awesome performance,” Day says of appearing with Haim on ‘Kimmel.’ Randy Holmes/ABC/Getty

  So, can Snoop Dogg do the Bird? Oh, yeah. Snoop is always dancing. Snoop is a funny guy. Before I met him we’d be on conference calls, strategizing about doing something in the future. He was always like, “I consider myself the eighth member of the Time.”

Did Snoop have a major influence on the new Time album? Well, he does his thing on some tracks. When we decided to go into the [Doggy Style Records] studio, he was like, “Give me a little time and I promise you it will be a classic.” We were a couple months into the project when Prince passed away. So, we’d been working already and that’s when [“Over That Rainbow”] came. It took me a while to decide if I wanted to put my emotions on the line in a song like that.

Why? I was in denial like a lot of people probably were. I had just been at Paisley Park like two months prior [because] Prince wanted us to come a party with him. … When I found out it was really him [that died] it didn’t really hit me. It took a while to sink in.

  Day with Bruno Mars at the Grammys. “It was a great opportunity,” he says. “But I hated the reason that I was there.” Matt Sayles/Invision/AP

Your Bruno Mars collaboration at the Grammys was considered the best Prince tribute. What was that like for you? It was double-edged for sure. It was a great opportunity. But I hated the reason that I was there. Now, when I perform onstage it’s like a presence thing. I feel like [Prince] is watching over. We always had such close creative ties – I’d wonder what he would think of my stuff and he’d probably wonder what I thought of what he was writing.

Did Prince seem any different to you before he died? Well, at the time, I thought nothing of it. But in retrospect, I thought maybe something wasn’t right. I thought, he looked thin, even though he always looks fragile. After he passed away, I just wondered if he knew something that he wasn’t telling me. I just felt like he knew. Like he knew that something wasn’t right. Maybe he said it in just being adamant about seeing us again. Maybe that was a sign in itself.

It’s long been common knowledge that the cowriter on the first Time album – the fictitious engineer named Jamie Starr – was really Prince. But you’ve both insisted he was real to journalists. To Rolling Stone, in fact, you said, “Of course he’s real.” I lie [laughs].

How long did you both keep that going? [Laughs] Forever. It just kind of kept a bit of intrigue on the behind-the-scenes side of things. Only in recent years did we start saying that basically [Prince] and I did the whole damn album. The Time wasn’t even together as a band at the time. We put the band together after we got the deal with Warner Brothers.

When The Time came out, you guys were the hottest touring band. Was it true that Prince felt intimidated by you? We’re still the hottest band out there [laughs]. Nobody does what we do. Nobody does the steps, the real music. It turned into a bit of a rivalry for real because sometimes he would lay into us pretty good, and then sometimes, we’d kick his ass musically. And people were seeing it. So it got to the point where in certain markets like L.A. or New York, he wouldn’t let us [perform] and when we were touring together, we’d get the night off occasionally, because he didn’t want that kind of pressure.

In an old Letterman interview, you said you were done working with Prince after Purple Rain. Do you feel Prince is responsible for damaging the Time’s legacy, by not granting you rights to the name? That was frustrating at times, but in a way, it went the way it was supposed to go. In my opinion, he kind of saved us from ourselves. When we did the Original 7ven project, I think it would have looked like more of a fiasco if we had used the name the Time and it really got the attention it would have gotten then. Because I would’ve used the name. But in hindsight, it was the right decision.

  “Sometimes Prince would lay into us pretty good, and then sometimes, we’d kick his ass musically,” Day says. Warner Bros/Photofest

  But he still let you perform as the Time, just not record as the Time. Well, you know what, for the longest [time] I thought that was very gracious of him. But then I found out from a legal standpoint he couldn’t stop me from using the name [laughs]. I was like, “I’ll be damned.”

You know, the last night that I saw Prince he said, “I want to manage [the Time]. … I want to take you guys to Europe. … I want to put it together for you.”

Wow. Was that completely out of the blue? Did he say why? He just said that he wanted to manage us going overseas, because that’s something we got prevented from doing – which was probably his doing – back in the day. He didn’t want us to go over when the record was hot, when we should’ve gone over there. And we never did. I was just like, “Hey, you know the number. When you want to put it together, we’re ready to go.” And after he passed, guess what? Europe starts calling. The things that he said he wanted to do started to happen. How about that?

There’s been a lot of talk about what music will come out of his vaults. It there anything you know exists that you’re excited people might get to hear? I know I’ve got stuff in the vault, but I don’t really remember the titles. It’ll be interesting for people to hear that ’cause I know Prince wouldn’t have released it [laughs]. The only time we pulled from the vault was specifically for the Graffiti Bridge project, songs like “Jerk Out.” And that was more Terry Lewis and Jimmy Jam asking. It wasn’t on my mind what was in the vault [laughs].

  “I wasn’t in the habit of biting my tongue around him,” Day says of Prince. Courtesy of Morris Day

  Your relationship with Prince always appeared tense but close. Would you say you were one of the few people who collaborated with him as an equal? I always kept it real [with him] because we’d known each other since we were kids. I wasn’t in the habit of biting my tongue around him. And he ended up with a bunch of yes people around him. And I think eventually, that drove the divider between us. At times, he was the classic example of a workaholic. And I’m the polar opposite. Whereas, when I reached my limit, I’d be like, “Damn, I need to go lay down,” so I’d just sleep on the couch or I’d go back to whatever hotel, wherever we’re staying, and he’d show up hours later when the sun was up, completely finished with what we were working on.

What’s the ultimate funk song you guys wrote together? One of my favorites is “Ice Cream Castles.” Back then, of course, we had women on the brain 24/7 – the different flavors – and that’s kind of how that happened. And at that time, there were groups like the Fixx, the Cure doing those haunting, melodic songs and we wanted to do one of our own. And by the end of the song, it kind of turns a corner from being a pop song and starts to get funky. I like that part because back in the day, it was all about the uptempo – the funkier the better. I lived for being in the studio, putting together those grooves.

And you were cool with the Joni Mitchell lyric as the title? I wasn’t as infatuated with her [as Prince] was. As matter of fact, I didn’t really get it [laughs]. No disrespect to her. I’d try and listen, and I’d be like, “Dude, I don’t get it.” It just wasn’t my thing.

  Source: Yahoo

    Please follow and like us:

[eldritchsurveys]

921.

5k Survey XXXIX

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? >> I can believe that, yes. 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? >> I don’t know who he is. 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? >> I wouldn’t. I like playing Choice of Games games, though, which are kind of like modern-day choose your own adventure stories. 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? >> I couldn’t possibly remember one now. 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? >> I don’t have enough money for a lot of things. There’s about $60 in my bank account last I checked, and I still have some subs that haven’t been renewed yet, so all told I think I have about $30 worth of money that is completely free.

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” >> I don’t believe Tears for Fears was right about that, since I for one have sub-zero desire to rule the world. Or any part of the world. Or anything at all, I don’t want to rule shit. 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? >> I don’t have a beach towel. Or-- wait, I do, but I never use it as a beach towel so I forgot that was what its original purpose was, lol. It’s hanging on my wardrobe and I use it to dry off when I wake up covered in sweat, as I tend to. 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? >> I feel like my answer to this might be a bit much for the average viewer, lol. 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? >> ... Here’s the thing, I’ve worn clothes that were marketed to both genders, but not in a camp or theatrical or even particularly gender-conscious sense. I just... wear what I feel like wearing. Period. 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? >> I don’t think so. Sparrow’s the one with the rainbow stuff. 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? >> I can think of a lot of things, and all of them are noisy. Why do almost all the children’s toys sold nowadays make fucking noise? 2012. What’s the best Beatles song in your opinion? >> I can’t really think of too many I enjoy, to be honest. I am the Walrus can be fun. Oh, and Hey Jude, I like Hey Jude. I actually have that one saved to my Spotify, which is a real first for me and Beatles songs. 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? >> I have no idea and at this point I don’t regard it as important. I personally know of two males that take surveys, and I myself don’t have a gender at all, so there’s that. 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: Tequila sunrise. Although I’m not even sure I’m properly remembering what a tequila sunrise looks like. pink and green: Watermelon. green and gold: I have no associations for this. purple and gold: New Orleans. Also, those were our wedding colours. (Our wedding happened in NOLA, for the record.) gold and red: Christmas decorations. red and white: Candy canes. blue and grey: Ocean-themed things, maybe. I don’t have a direct association for this colour combination despite the fact that I like it a lot. 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? >> I mean, I... put myself first? I guess? 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? >> Well, the Jetsons was fiction, so... 2017. What made you laugh today? >> A lot of things. It’s evening so there’s a lot of data that I don’t feel like sorting through. 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? >> --- 2019. Can you freestyle rap? >> I cannot. 2020. Are you: stylish? I have my own sense of style, and that’s stylish to me. chic? This word means nothing to me. I’m going to assume I am not. smart? This word is too fraught with weird connotations to mean anything useful to me. I try to be conscientious about how I use my brain and how I absorb and interpret information. That’s all. 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? >> Not as a rule. I’ll buy from a certain brand if I trust its quality level, of course. 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? >> Absolutely not. 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? >> I’m not sure I’ve ever felt particularly sexy whilst dancing. 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? >> Sparrow, heh. :p But it’s good, I like it when people get a little silly when dancing. It should be fun. 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? >> What the fuck is clean sex? One of the things that put me off of (outworld) sex is how messy it is. ...I guess Inworld sex is kind of clean being that it doesn’t happen in this reality. So, yeah, clean sex for me. :p 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? >> Historically, I think being right has been more important to me. I’m only now starting to see how that gets in the way of actually learning and experiencing instead of just trying to be the smartest, most put-together person in the room. (I also learned recently that it’s something that often comes with attachment disorder, particularly that of the detached, avoidant variety. So that’s probably where mine came from.) 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? >> I can’t. I would love to take lessons, because I love dancing, but I don’t have that kind of income. 2028. Are you scared of monsters? >> No, I gravitate to monsters, particularly of the fictional variety. 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? >> --- 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? >> --- 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: making friends: working with computers: arts: crafts: dancing: skating: talking other people into things: writing: living life to the fullest each day: cooking: gardening: cleaning up after yourself: playing poker: surviving in the woods: managing your time: attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? >> I might have when I was very young, but otherwise, no. 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? >> I mean, I guess I’d celebrate waking up in the morning, because that’d mean I’m still alive and still have an opportunity to... you know, have good experiences. Or whatever. 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? >> Neither, really. I just... kind of consume things when I feel like I’m ready to consume them. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: >> I can’t think of anything right now. 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: Since I don’t have one single favourite anything, especially when it comes to music, I’ll name one song I really like for each category. HUMBLE. by Kendrick Lamar. country song: Hope to Die by Orville Peck. industrial song: Survivalism by Nine Inch Nails. cover song: Stargazer by Dream Theater (originally by Dio). punk song: Hall of Mirrors by The Distillers. odd song: Skullcrusher Mountain by Jonathan Coulton. 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? >> (This concept is so bizarre to me.) 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? >> I’ve never read anything by Virginia Woolf. I barely know anything about her. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? >> I don’t know that I had one. 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? >> I imagine William Blake was an interesting person. His work fascinates me. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? >> Generational trauma, most likely. 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? >> I don’t know, I’m not terribly interested in romance myself so I haven’t noticed any trends in how it’s going these days. 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? >> Yes. Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? >> I obviously do not believe that. 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? pumpkin picking? Yes. on a hay wagon ride? Yes. on a romantic valentine’s day date? Well, I suppose it was “romantic”. I wasn’t concerned with that. to a new year’s eve party? Yes. to a memorial day parade?  to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? Fuck that, even when I lived like two blocks away from part of the parade route I’d still have rather watched it on television than go anywhere near it in person. to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? >> No. 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? >> Well, yes. 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? >> I can be a little too aware of it at times; it can get in the way of acting naturally. 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? >> I mean, I’ve spent a goodly part of a night dazed and intermittently puking. I was new to drinking then and it was pretty educational. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? >> I would not prefer that. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: >> Did I already use the “I was born with twelve fingers” fact in this survey? I don’t think so, so there you go.

[babbleuk]

Voices in AI – Episode 100: A Conversation with Stephen Wolfram

[voices_in_ai_byline]

About this Episode

On our 100th Episode of Voices in AI, Byron has a conversation with Stephen Wolfram on the nature of reality, belief and morality itself.

Listen to this episode or read the full transcript at www.VoicesinAI.com

Transcript Excerpt

Byron Reese: In my capacity as the publisher of GigaOm, I’ve had occasion to interview Stephen Wolfram twice before. One was back in 2015 and an be found here, then again last year Stephen appeared on an episode of Voices in AI.

In those two interviews, we covered a great deal of ground, and I thought long and hard about what to discuss this time around. Much of Stephen’s work is quite practical, such as with Mathmatica and Worlfram Alpha. But he also spends much time up in the intellectual stratosphere where fundamental questions of reality are explored. He is arguably our generation’s best bet to Figuring It All Out, finding the fundamental nature of reality and what makes the universe tick. It is these topics I wanted to explore. In addition, much of his thinking ends up being almost religious nature. His view of physics borders on philosophy and even religion, so I was eager to explore his thinking there. So this interview is a bit unorthodox, but then again, so is he, so sit back enjoy.

Welcome to the show, Stephen.

Stephen Wolfram: Thanks.

Do you believe in God?

Oh, that’s an interesting question. I’m certainly not adherent of any organized religion. However, it’s an interesting question. The things that I’ve done in science tend to intersect in strange ways with things that people have studied in theology for a long time. I mean, for example, it used to be the case. Back in the day, there was this thing that used to be called “The Argument by Design” although that subsequently got a different meaning. It was a question of, look at the universe. The universe could be completely without laws, but actually, that’s not what we see. We see a universe that’s full of definite laws and rules and isn’t as complicated as it could conceivably be. People said, “Okay, that very fact is a proof of the existence of God.”

I guess that since I’m in the business and I happen to be actively starting to work on this again, of trying to find the fundamental theory of physics and believing that that fundamental theory has at least a chance to be simple, then at least by the standards of the early Christian theologians or something, I have to be following the argument by design. In so far as I believe that there’s a simple rule for the universe then their version of an evidence for something – their argument, I would have to say that I subscribe to. When was it? I was visiting some country. Maybe India where they put – on the visa application, they insist that you fill in religion. I was going to put there “animist”. My children said, “Don’t do that. It will just cause trouble.”

Why would I do that? One of the things that is a consequence of a bunch of science that I’ve done is this question of, what has a mind? What things that exist can be thought of as mind-like, like our brains, we attribute minds to. Some version of this is statements like, “The weather has a mind of its own.” The surprising thing that came out of a bunch of science that I did is that – in fact, there’s this principle of computational equivalence that says that in many ways what the weather does it just as mind-like as what brains do. That’s the concept of things like the animistic religions is this idea that there’s spirits in everything so to speak. This notion, does the universe have – is the universe mind-like? This scientific result, this principle of computational equivalence implies that. Following through on that, I kind of have to say at some level that I would be – should be considered by some classification as an animist so to speak.

Given what you know about physics and the principle of computational equivalence, is there any method by which the human could survive the death of their body in a practical way?

Okay. What’s a soul? That’s kind of what you’re asking. Is there a soul? What might the soul be like? I think we have the experience with computers now to at least imagine what souls might be so to speak. I mean, there’s a – okay, thought experiment you might do. I’ve imagined I was going to years ago and I may finally when I get totally old and unable to do other things actually follow up on this, but I was going to write some pseudofiction book about interviews with famous scientists and thinkers of old so to speak. Imagining the person goes from today’s world, bringing their laptop and goes to visit Pythagoras or something. Then the question is, what does – you have that conversation with Pythagoras, what does Pythagoras think the laptop is so to speak? The obvious thing is, it’s a bunch of disembodied human souls. You start peeling that back and you say, well, no it’s not. I mean, it’s just a piece of electronics. It’s like, well, who created what that electronics does? It’s a bunch of people. Who made that software work that way? It’s the ideas of some particular person.

I guess there’s a question of what the distinction is between the output of the level of software we write, words we write, whatever, things we record about our lives, and the actual internal state of brains. For example, one thing I’ve wondered about, I’ve recorded lots of stuff about my life. Millions of emails, lots of other things, and so I wonder is there enough information about me to reconstruct a bot of me by this point. In other words, my brain has some number of synapses, some amount of memory in it, and if you were to just take its output over the last 30 years or so, and say, okay, can we now reverse engineer what’s inside this brain? I don’t know what the answer to that. I don’t know if it’s possible, but I don’t think it’s obviously far from possible. There will come a point at which you can perfectly reasonably have something where it’s a – where you should be able to get a bot of me that will respond in more or less the same way that I’m responding in this conversation to you. Then we have to ask ourselves, is that me, is that something different from me?

I think that’s the point at which we have to start wondering about, is the bot of me the soul of me so to speak or not? There’s a question of whether you can do it with reverse engineering or whether you have to take a brain and dissect it and pull out all the data that’s stored at each synapse or some other thing like this. I think my answer is that the – I really don’t doubt that the soul in this informational sense of a person, I think the thing we’ve learned from the whole computational experience is that it’s extremely really certain that eventually that will be preservable digitally and independent of the biological manifestation of the human.

You and I have had a conversation before and I’ve probably never really expressed my question clearly enough, but I always come back to it when I think about it, and it goes like this. You know people who say they believe something like they believe in treating everybody nicely, but then you see them mean to people. You say, “Aha! You don’t really believe that”, or all kinds of things where people say they think one thing, but their actions sure imply they think something else. When that happens, we tend to think whatever they do really is what they believe. When I talk to you and you talk about the weather has a mind of its own and a storm cloud – a hurricane and the brain are the same. Then when I try to talk about consciousness you get dismissive and say, “That’s just a word.” Then you say things like, “It’s all just computation. Everything in the world is simple rules iterated over and over.”

All of this very impersonal non – it’s just a bunch of cranking numbers. A whole universe is just that and if we could see it well enough, that’s what we would just see is just a bunch of numbers, and yet, I know you to be like an emotional and compassionate person who loves things and doesn’t like other things. I see all kinds of ethics. You have an ethical code and a moral framework and all of this stuff. I have to look at it and say, that does not logically flow out of what Stephen says he believes. I can only really infer that you don’t actually believe it. It’s a good model for understanding certain things, but it isn’t actually your core belief because it’s so – you could imagine somebody who lived consistently with that view of the world and really said, “Nothing matters. A storm dissipating and a child dying are just the same thing”, but you don’t think that. I posit you don’t actually believe it. It’s convenient way to think of the universe, but it isn’t actually what you believe.

It’s an interesting topic. It’s like, I like chocolate. It gives me a good experience when I eat it. I could imagine deconstructing that whole process and realizing, “Gosh, it’s just some neural firing, etc.” My subjective experience of it is, “I like chocolate.” Therefore, since I live in my subjective experience, I do things which pander to my subjective experience. Now one of the things I might say about things I’ve discovered in science is I don’t necessarily like all the things I’ve discovered in science. The concept that, for example, the unspecialness of us as humans and so on. I don’t particularly like that. It’s just I pride myself on being a decent scientist and so I discover these things and that’s what I’m going to report so to speak. Rather than saying, “Well, I’d like to hide the fact that actually, there’s no real purpose to the universe. We’re not that special. We’re not that unique, etc.” For me personally, in terms of my subjective experience, yes, I like people. I find people interesting. I think people are – I’m interested in people person by person so to speak, and yes, in terms of the science I’ve discovered, makes absolutely no sense.

A lot of things I’ve done are in a sense deconstruct the meaning of things. They explain in a broader context how things work and they show that something is not as special as we might at first assume that it is. I don’t think this idea that that means that – does that affect my subjective response to these things? No, I suppose I could whip myself up into the frenzy where I would say, “I don’t care about anything. It’s all just computation all the way down”, but that is not my human subjective reaction. That is, what I’ve discovered in science and what I report as being a good scientist so to speak.

It almost sounds like you’re agreeing with me there. You’re saying this is like a useful model to understand the universe, but I’m not going to live that way. I’m going to live as if people are special. I’ve never known you to get emotionally attached to a hurricane. You do get emotionally attached to people, and so you live as if people are special.

Living one’s paradigm is really hard. I’m always curious, when I see people, who’ve discovered things about the world, and you ask, do they in fact live that paradigm? Sometimes they do and it leads them into terrible trouble because that paradigm – and often they don’t. I think isn’t there a quote from Tolstoy about how “I’m not a very good Tolstoyan.”

When you see fields develop, intellectual fields develop, it’s a funny thing. There’s a generation that invents the field and then there are generations that come after. The generation that invents the field, still knows all the things that are wrong, all the foundational things that they’re not really sure about, and so they’re a bit more tentative about it. By the time you’re at the fourth generation, they’re like, “Well, of course, it works that way.” We have this whole culture built up around, this is the way things work.

Now it’s certainly true that one could imagine – you asked about religion early on here. It’s certainly true one could take the things I’ve done in science and one could build something that many people would think of as being religion-like set of beliefs around it. Those beliefs would be very cold in many ways. They’d be very non-human. In terms of my subjective way I lead my life, that wouldn’t be natural to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think that these things are scientifically correct. It’s just a question of – just like I like eating chocolate, but it’s not that there’s something scientifically amazing about the chocolate molecule or whatever. It’s just that, the way that – actually, I think that – let me roll this back a little bit because I think there’s a – one of the things that does come out of the science I’ve done is the following observation.

You might think that what’s special about where we are as humans is we’re the only intelligent things in the universe, and that that’s what’s special about us, and we should be very proud of that attribute. What the science that I’ve discovered shows is that is not – if that’s what we’re proud about, then we are barking up the wrong tree. That’s not the thing that is special about us, but the thing that is special about us is lots of details. In other words, what this idea of computational irreducibility implies is the notion that, in order to know what happens in a system you just have to trace through what the system actually does. You can’t go and just look at the system and say, okay, I can jump ahead and tell you what’s going to happen in a million years, and so it is with human society. That if there wasn’t computational irreducibility, we could say, oh, look at human society, people are running around doing this and this and this, but the outcome is going to be blah. There’s no reason for these people to be going around and doing all these human things. It’s really just all a waste of time. In the end, the answer is 42 or whatever.

What computational irreducibility implies is that’s not the case. It affirms that something is achieved by the human experience. That is that it’s not the case that you can just take the universe that we live in and say, “Okay, the outcome is going to be this.” It’s like the actual – the living of life so to speak is the story. It’s not that this is just a piece of a calculation where the answer is going to be 42 so to speak. What I’m saying is that I think that in a sense the science that I’ve done, you might say it says it’s all pointless in the sense that there’s nothing special at the level of thinking about – there’s no big special thing. It’s not that we are the only mind-like things in the universe. What it’s saying is, there is a special thing and the special thing is all of our details.

I think at some level actually I’m going to disagree with myself and you here because I’m going to say that I think that point, as you really start to internalize that point, that the details of what happens are the things that we should – that are special about us and that we should think are important, that actually is a rather human-oriented view of things quite different from the cold view of, “It’s all just computation. Everything is computation.” Yes, that’s true, but what is relevant to us is the special computation that is us. That’s something where we can revel in the details of that. Even though we know that the whole phenomenon of computation is not – there’s nothing abstractly special about it. It’s something that is…

Yeah, I find that unsatisfying candidly because you could – beavers could say that too. They could say, “It’s the experiences that all of us beavers have building our dams that make us special.” A hurricane could say that. It could say, “It’s all the places I went.” Everybody doesn’t get a medal.

Why do you say that?

That’s just another way to say that nothing is special.

The point is that I and you, we’re all members of this collection of humans. I think it is correct that if you look at the beavers, the whales, the dolphins, the storms and so on, there is some sense in which each one of those is special. We just don’t happen to be one of those. We happen to be humans. I don’t think you can say in the – I think it’s funny – in the modern world where people are so concerned about equality of various kinds. This is a form of equality that people haven’t yet started thinking about. That is, who are we to say that we should be intrinsically any more special than the weather or than the beavers so to speak. I think that what the science is saying is we’re actually not any more special, but that doesn’t mean that in the conduct of our lives as humans, that we shouldn’t view what’s going on around us as humans as being something special.

Listen to this episode or read the full transcript at www.VoicesinAI.com

[voices_in_ai_link_back]

Byron explores issues around artificial intelligence and conscious computers in his new book The Fourth Age: Smart Robots, Conscious Computers, and the Future of Humanity.

from Gigaom https://gigaom.com/2019/11/14/voices-in-ai-episode-100-a-conversation-with-stephen-wolfram/

[charlotte-codes]

Gulp! It’s Git week!

It’s week 5!

(actually, it’s week 6 but I’ve had the flu and was unable to blog last weekend!)

To begin with, Git week felt like taking a break from the fortnight of JavaScript that we had just conquered. It was nice to be doing something with the command line and to learn about how we might approach a collaborative project. 

We’d been using Github (a website that allows you to store development projects in online repositories) since day one to access resources for the course, but had yet to be introduced to the beautifully organised world of Git and version management.

Once again, I’m using this blog post as revision - so please correct me if I’ve got something wrong!

Git, init?

Git is a tool that automatically keeps track of changes in your coding project. 

It’s used on the command line and allows you to revert back to a previous state if you totally f everything up. This means you have greater control over your code. 

As someone who once accidentally moved her entire 90,000-word thesis to the recycle bin, and is therefore now crazy about backing up files in various places, I was ready for Git and its magical time-machine properties. 

The basic idea is to take snapshots of your project at certain points in time - these are called commits.

Git tracks files automatically but won’t commit them - you have to do that yourself at regular intervals. 

Here’s an example of some git commits for a PHP login system project I’ve been working on in week 6. You can see that when I run git status, it tells me that certain changes I’ve made to the files password-reset.php and register.php are ‘not staged for commit’. 

If I were to run git add * (* means ‘all files’, but it’s probably better to type in names of individuals files here so that you don’t end up staging something you shouldn’t) it adds these files to a staging area where they can then be committed. 

Running another git status will show that these files have been added.

Then I can commit them using the command git commit -m “a message to future me about what changes I’ve made”. 

It’s important to include a useful message (and one without typos ffs!) so that if you need to revert back to a previous state, you can see what you were doing at each step. You can bring up a list of your commits by doing git log or git reflog.

Here’s a visual description of this process that our fab teacher, Oli, showed us. It really stuck in my head and helped a lot with my understanding of what was going on with Git:

You can see from the above that it is possible to bypass the staging area completely using git commit -am “comment”.

There’s a load of different commands that can be used with Git that I won’t go into here, but it is important to mention that you don’t want Git to track absolutely everything that you are doing, particularly if you have sensitive information (like security info) in your project. So you can create a .gitignore file that lists all the project files that you don’t want to track.

The best thing about Git is that if you go wrong somewhere it isn’t the end of the world -- you can Marty McFly it back to a time when you weren’t such an idiot. Just have a look at how to resolve your issue on the brilliantly named, ‘Oh Shit, Git’ https://ohshitgit.com 

Github

Once we had learnt how to use Git locally (i.e on our own computers) we moved on to Github. 

Github is great for storing a collaborative project remotely so that it can be accessed by everyone. All of your version-managed work can be pushed to the remote repository using the command line. 

Here’s how it works:

1. You all connect to the remote repo (git clone {repository URL} {new local folder name} is a good way to bring a shared repo down to your computer). 

2. You make your changes to the project. 

3. You add and commit them locally.

4. You git pull from the remote repo so that you have the most up-to-date version of the shared project

5. You git push your changes to the repository to update it

But it isn’t quite as simple as that.

Obviously, if you and a team of colleagues are all working on the same project and pushing your changes to Github - there are going to be conflicts where your changes overlap. 

We learnt this the hard way when the whole class started using Github to make changes to a page and ended up with something that looked like this ... 

What a mess. 

I barely got a look in with my changes because every time I tried to git push, the remote repo had been changed and I had to git pull again to keep up. 

So that’s why our next project incorporated a feature branch workflow. 

(It goes without saying that it helps if you get together face-to-face first to decide who will work on what ... sometimes good-old-fashioned human contact is also the best answer.) 

Feature Branch Workflow

If you aren’t using feature branches, then all your changes are being made on a master branch. 

That’s like a trainee brain surgeon doing all her initial surgical practice on live subjects - potentially disastrous. Much better to go and practice on something less risky (*insert detached HEAD reference here*). 

(a brief aside - when, out of morbid curiosity, I Googled ‘how do brain surgeons practice?’ I got this interesting article about the use of 3D models in neurosurgery ... https://www.cnbc.com/2015/11/23/new-brain-surgery-innovation-practice-on-a-3-d-model.html)

Enter feature branches. 

Feature branches allow you to work on the project files separately from the master, then merge your changes at a later date -- preferably after another member of your team has checked them for conflicts.

By the end of the week, the word git was so etched into my brain that I accidentally called my team mates (whose real names are Kit and Jim) “Git” and “Git”. 

N.b. avoid this in future. 

Gulp

But the fun doesn’t end there. 

You can also use a toolkit called Gulp in your development workflow. 

Although initially hard to get your head round, Gulp is actually incredibly useful because it automates a lot of stuff that you certainly wouldn’t ever want to have to do manually - like minifying CSS files or uglifying JS files (both of these mean taking all the extraneous whitespace, letters, etc. out of the code and squishing it all together in a horrific looking mess that might cause your eyes to catch fire if you tried to make sense of it). 

an uglified JS file

You have to install Gulp using JavaScript’s Node Package Manager (NPM). This creates a package.json file to which you can add other useful packages like Bootstrap or jQuery (for more see https://www.npmjs.com/).

Once installed, using npm install gulp in the command line, you need to create a gulpfile.js file (a JavaScript file) for your project where you will outline all of your Gulp tasks. 

And so we are back to JavaScript again.

As you can see from the example below, Gulp tasks are like JS functions/methods and therefore use all the familiar syntax we learnt last week. 

The examples below combine all the project’s other JavaScript files (Bootstrap, jQuery and popper) into one file called all.js and then uglify it into all.min.js. This tidies up space in your files to make your code as efficient and as manageable as possible. 

You can also use Gulp to automatically combine those two tasks together.

And, further, you can use Gulp to ‘watch’ for any changes that you make to the JS files, then automatically update the all.js and the all.min.js respectively. 

Phew. 

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of recursion here.

I discovered this when I first attempted to combine and minify my JS files and ended up creating an all.min.js file, then an all.min.min.js, then an all.min.min.min.js, then an all.min.min.min.min.js ... and so on until my MacBook’s fan started going nuts and I realised what was happening and cancelled it. 

It’s good to learn the hard way. 

Next week ... PHP.