#i’ve been reading outside lately for my mental health and it’s been really nice. I reread the Leo story from demigod diaries— | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

savage-rhi · 2 years ago

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I got beaten up on Christmas day by a family member I trusted. I’m now just getting over it. The situation was unexpected. It undid some progress, and I feel grateful I’ve been able to bounce back as quickly as I did. If I didn’t have therapy when I got it years ago, I could’ve easily fell back into my old self. Physically, I’m okay. Nothing was broken.

The fibromyalgia flares have been heavy. It’s painful to move and difficult to type, much less other activities I enjoy. I’m chipping away little by little on writing projects, requests, and other things I’m passionate about. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting much done compared to where I was in November. I know when winter goes away and it gets warm again, I’ll feel better cause I’m used to this cycle by now, but it’s a long wait. It’s hard to have patience when you’re ambitious. I’m trying to give myself more grace.

I think I’ve entered the dead zone of the year, where not much gets done besides the basics like work, chores, maybe one major activity/pursuit then bed. I appreciate the people that stick around in whatever capacity during this time cause I know I don’t have much to offer.

It’s hard being undermined at a job because of your age. People automatically assume you don’t understand certain traumas and other horrible shit because they “don’t see you” going through something like that, but...you did. You did and that’s why you try and connect with others hurting so they can get to the good again; so that they don’t suffer like you did. Maybe they don’t have to learn too late what their worth was. Maybe they won’t have to grow up so damn fast like you did. Being an adult in the body of a 6-7 year old for survival is special hell.

I definitely like kids better than most adults. They see through bullshit clearly. Many folks lose that edge when they get older. I’m happy I get to work with them on their mental health in the capacity I have. I’m glad some of my peers respect my training, experience, and tact. I’m glad I have a few clients for my peer support business too. I’d like more stability and more people there.

I have two bachelor degrees. An associates. Several certifications, and playing with the idea of getting another degree down the road. On one hand it feels right, on the other, it feels like a waste of time and money. The years I put into the previous stuff hasn’t gotten me much anywhere. I’m not in the field I studied and trained for originally. Unless I move out of the area, I don’t stand a chance but you gotta have a stable income and a living wage to move. It’s hard. Its really hard for most folks. I know I’m not alone. Pretty much my whole generation is in the same boat along with those younger. I was homeless last year for the second time in my life. I’m happy where I’m at but again...ambition. I want to do so much and accomplish so much, but my body can’t keep up and I gotta play ball with the powers that be outside of my control.

The pandemic definitely threw a hard wrench in some life plans for sure.

I get lonely. I drift.

I’m thankful I can keep doing what I can, but I wish I could hibernate until March.

I got a lot on my mind. A lot happens at a million miles a second.

I’m happy I’m not getting hate mail anymore.

I love and appreciate many. I hope they know that even if I don’t speak or talk much. I hope they feel my atoms vibing for theirs.

Somehow if by the grace of the gods you read through all this barf, please treat yourself to something nice. A cookie. A piece of cake. A movie. Pounce your lover like a tiger. Idk. Fuck around and find out generously.

We got this. Somehow we got this.

#long vent #just needed to get some shit off the chest #writing is the best way to do it for me #its a great tool for this stuff and free writing whatever pops up in the brain

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enhaheeseung · 2 years ago

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or maybe i'm just getting carried away 😂 idek if i can handle writing on top of my 2 jobs and making fanart, esp if i somehow manage to build an audience.

not that that's required! it'd just be nice to interact with people about smut and kinks and stuff outside of anon asks 🤷‍♀️

anyway, sorry for dumping this on you! (though i'd honestly still like to know about starting a fic blog... just in case)

- 🐋

So I’ll tell you how I started first and then I’ll throw in a few tips (but I’m definitely not who you should be asking about this lol)

When I first started I had no idea what I was even doing I didn’t know how to put links I didn’t know about proper warnings or how to add tags and images so I basically started from scratch with no knowledge

Which was highly frustrating at first but when my first fic reached 100 notes all of it seemed worth it

So I used that as motivation to continue writing fics and I slowly starting building an audience however just cause i got followers doesn’t mean my writing got better if anything it kinda got worse but I didn’t ponder on it any longer cause I knew I was capable of writing better than that

That being said it’s basically trial and error so don’t get discouraged when some works get more notes than the others sometimes it’s just cause it doesn’t show up in the tags (for whatever reason)

Bestie an audience is definitely a requirement (for me) I literally almost deactivated because of the lack of interaction I had cause basically if no one is reading what I post there was no point to even create a account and post it

As of late my notes and followers have decreased like crazy which is very discouraging to me and I haven’t had motivation to write for a long time and it’s hard to look past and keep writing but I’m trying

I know I’m getting ahead of myself when I say that seeings how you haven’t even started yet but I just want you to know some of the things that can happen after you start posting.

At first I thought it was fun just posting story’s for your bias and interacting with people however it’s not that cut and dry.

You might possibly have droughts where you don’t know what to write or how to write it which is was also very discouraging for me

In the beginning I didn’t realize how much effort you really had to put into writing even if it is something as unserious as smut is you still have to do research

Since I’ve been writing I’ve searched all kinds of things such as mental illness pregnancy sex positions you name it

So if you have an idea for a fic it’s not as easy to write it down on paper as it is to imagine it sometimes the wording is the hardest part of writing

Another big problem I faced was when I would read others work and compare myself to them wondering how they were getting so many likes and had so many followers yet I didn’t

That was just me being stupid though cause not everything I write is for everyone and look at me now 2300 followers and multiple fics with 1000+ notes

Not sure if I’m the only one who experienced this but it did effect my mental health in a way I was constantly trying to think of plots and I’d bang out 10k words in a day without rest and after awhile that had taken a toll on me especially with working and barely sleeping

And of course if any of this ever happens and you get discouraged you could always quit writing (I should have but I’m way too hard headed for that) but if something is causing you more harm than good I’d say drop it

I know I said way more than I should have but I’d just like to give you a little idea of how I started my journey

So now for a few tips I’d suggest starting with shorter fics to get comfortable with people seeing your content

Oh that’s another thing I was (and still am nervous about people seeing what my mind conjures up lol) but everyone that I’ve encountered has always been nice except a few hateful anons every now and then which I think every writer has atleast three hate anons so don’t sweat it

Second I’d find a plot that’s easier to write about that you don’t have to do so much research on to make it a better first experience for your first post

I’d find something that’s unique to you as well rather that be a nickname or saying.

So for me at the end of my post I’ll say have a good day / night and that quickly caught on with my followers as well something else was every time I changed my theme I’d change my heart color emoji so if I used blue my followers would use blue and if I used brown they would use brown etc so I think that’s a cute way to interact and have your own unique little signature

Before any of this though make sure you have a good understanding on how the app works (which I’m sure you do cause you post fanart) just learn as much as possible before posting it’s not like it’s the end of the world if you make a mistake but it’s a lot better knowing how to avoid those mistakes (also look at the structure of other blogs that helped me a lot)

So now I’ll break it down to some key points that I’ve covered throughout this post and things that I think a lot of us writer’s experience at some point

1 learn as much as you can before posting so you don’t hit a sang along the way and get caught up

2 don’t get discouraged if all your works do not do good everytime you post cause we’ve all been there no matter how many followers you have

3 don’t let numbers get to you they will come eventually just don’t give up

4 don’t compare yourself to other writers you’re good enough in your own way

5 do your research

6 you get a few haters but that’s just life

7 make something unique for your blog something that people will remember you by

8 be careful and don’t think too much while writing it’s supposed to be fun and if you ever don’t enjoy it take a break/ stop

9 if your first fic isn’t good don’t worry you get better with time and I’m living proof of that (let’s not mention my first fics lol)

10 if you have a plot but you’re not sure about it just post it it’s normal to feel nervous but just know most of the time it’ll be received well

I know I sound like a hypocrite cause I still even face some of these problems now but I just wanted to give you insight of what can happen along the way and that there’s more to fic writing than meets the eye

However this is just speaking from my personal experience you may never run into have of these problems but still

Anyways I hope I’ve helped in some way and I’m not just rambling on and on

And don’t apologize bestie there’s no need I love helping people if you have anymore questions feel free to ask🤍

One more thing I hope this didn’t scare you away from writing cause like I said this is just my personal experience

#ask #inbox #replies #🐋anon

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chasing-rabbits · 2 years ago

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I feel like lately the only time I ever make an actual post it’s to talk about how depressed I am or how bad things are going. And I feel like I should be happy. That from the outside looking in things are good. I mean I have such a kind loving and patient partner who’ll go out of his way to help me when I’m down even when he is struggling too. I have a nice flat that we got to do up ourselves and it looks so nice. It’s spacious and not far from town. I have the cutest but most vicious cat and I love him. He gives me all the nose boops and cuddles. He’s the best especially on days where my mental health sucks.

I’m not struggling for money despite being on benefits in a time where everything is getting so fucking expensive but I’m actually really good at saving money and budgeting and I do a lot of little things to bring in gift cards so we’ve been able to save so much money and I should be proud of my ability to save money wherever we can because it has allowed us more freedom to do things like buy tickets for our anniversary to see the Arctic Monkeys or to be able to buy a PS5. And I am happy and proud of myself because with my bipolar I wasn’t always able to handle my money well. It never got anything crazy spending wise but I wasn’t able to sit down and plan and budget for the future like I am now. I feel like all of these things I should be able to look at and be happy I mean I’ve got some degree of financial security with a roof over our heads that is never going to disappear as my parents are my ‘landlords’. I’ve got my forever the person who has stuck by me through everything and not everyone finds that.

TW trauma mentions under the read more

But I’m just not happy I feel so behind on where I should be. I haven’t got a career I haven’t even got a job. I can barely look after myself on my worst days which seem to be more and more often. I could be forever financially dependent and I don’t want that for myself. And despite having the love I deserve now I’ve had so much of my life taken up by someone who made me feel the most unlovable horrible human being to exist. Who made me think something was wrong with me. That I was so horrible that I felt I deserved everything he did that it was my fault and if I’d just been better, done better then none of it would’ve happened. And now when I am loved I find it so hard to imagine how someone could look at me and just love me as much as they do. I can’t understand it and I have times where it just doesn’t feel real that wow there’s a human right next to me who wants to spend their entire life with me, that loves me so much they couldn’t imagine a life without me in it. I have felt so small for so long I have been so scared to open up to speak up for myself to just even say no because that’s a scary word because to me ‘no’ comes with consequences no comes with anger shouting and threats. I struggle so hard to say no when I don’t want something. I struggle to share when I’m worried or angry or upset and every time I do my heart pounds I shake and sweat and feel so scared I can sit there trying to get the words out and be unable to speak for the fear. Even when I know now I’ve nothing to fear that I’m allowed to speak and have a voice but I can’t unlearn this shit so easy. I can’t not flinch when I hear a raised voice. I can’t not be so so scared and on edge and I hate that he still has that power over me that I can’t forget because the intrusive thoughts can be so loud. I can’t even escape in my dreams. I hate him for doing this to me and then making me believe it was all my fault and for so many years I just took it and I actually thought it was me. I spent so long hating myself wondering and searching for what it was I’d done to make him hate me so much to make him treat me that way. I don’t want to be scared anymore I don’t want to feel like that child who was small and unable to speak up for herself. I don’t want to feel powerless. I don’t want to shrink who I am. I wasn’t planning to write all this out tbh this is not where I thought this was gonna go when I started typing it out. I guess I felt like I was just feeling depressed just because sometimes I get down for no reason but that’s why sometimes writing like this is helpful because I don’t think I just sit here and it flows out and I didn’t realise this was all on my mind but it was it was there hiding in my subconscious and I think it feels good to get it out from there and written down. I hope I can get better I hope I can not let my past continue to affect my future. I really hope EMDR will help with all of this idk.

#really really really long post #like holy shit I did not mean for it to be this long #TW trauma mention #childhood trauma #cptsd #erin talks #erin rambles #prsnl

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missshezz · 2 years ago

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Hey ;) I saw the disrespectful message that anon sent to you ; it's just pure hatred rooted in jealousy. You are a very good writer, you delve deeply into important subjects and aspects of stories that aren't generally brought up, and that's just awesome. For example, I read "More than Murder", and the fact that you included a muslim character in it is positively adorable ! I'm muslim and I absolutely did not expect to stumble upon a muslim fictional character, and positively depicted on top of that ! It's so rare to see that, I was about to cry 🥲 Another fantastic example ; the multi-chapter fic about Sorcha and Malcolm's Harvard years - aren't we gonna talk about how awesome it is ? Like it's so rare in this fandom (Prodigal Son) to see fics where Malcolm is positively treated ; I've seen so many fics where him being abused is so normalized it's disgusting. Which brings me to my next point : your heart and your morals. I don't know you personally, but I can feel you are a genuinely sweet and understanding person, and it's something that really shines through your works and the so-often ignored issues you bring up in your fics - mental health, society etc... Thanks a lot ! Don't listen to people like that anon. Sending you hugs.

Hi there, @moonlightfountain!

First

This was the sweetest message to wake up too! Thank you so much for your kind words! 🥰

Honestly? I dunno what crawled up the anons backside. I haven’t been active here as of late and dunno what post(s) they even read that inspired their annoyance.

My approach to art and writing is this:

I am proud of everything I’ve created but also humble enough to say I have a lot still to learn before I reach my final destination.

I have always strove to tackle subjects like mental health in a way that was sensitive and compassionate but showcased the struggles people have. We all know someone with depression or anxiety/personality disorders. We all know someone who has suffered a tragedy, been a victim of assault, bullying. It’s not a topic we can or should avoid. Like alcoholism, addiction, societal issues (umbrella term since there are soooo many things that can land here lol)

That’s why I wrote Here Comes The Sun. I saw in PSon how they didn’t explore the other side of Malcolm’s school life by giving him friends (outside Vjay). Stylistically, I get it. The writers were going for a theme about how this one event affected Malcolm’s life. I just wanted to show he could have friends and positive moments/events in his life.

Like we all have.

Good and bad.

That’s life.

Same as representing people of all walks of life (religious, gender, sexual, cultural, etc). We are a melting pot. We should celebrate our diversity and uniqueness… both the good and bad of it. To not represent that, show that, acknowledge it, creates a fake world to me.

I’m also happy to know I was able to craft a character that meant a lot to you personally. That is always the goal of a writer and to know we succeeded gives us nice, warm, and fuzzy feelings 🥰

Thanks so much again for this wonderful message! It really brightened my day!

Take care!

#asked and answered #thank you so much #🥰🥰🥰🥰

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spydered · 3 years ago

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Good morning my beautiful doodles and happy friday-eve.

I’m gonna be real this morning ( now that I have my coffee ). I’ve been around this hellish blue site for longer than I would care to admit. But it’s been a long time.

I’m putting this under a cut so it can be scrolled past if someone doesn’t wanna read.

Now, like in real life.. you don’t have to like everyone. You don’t have to be everyone’s friend. I learned that the hard way BY being here. When I first was on tumblr. I wanted to be everyone’s friend. It didn’t matter the toll it took on me mentally or emotionally. I was always there for everyone who needed me.

Then people started taking advantage of that.

It took me years to realize what was going on and by that point, my kindness and enthusiasm was being used as something negative. I was too clingy or too needy or too enthusiastic. I lost friends, people were told to avoid me because of it so I left for a long time.

And then I finally came back, but everything had changed. I wasn’t so outgoing. I kept to myself. I let people who wanted to interact come to me. It changed me as a person outside the platform and I feel like it’s happening all over again.

I’m being blocked and ignored by people who not even a week ago were close friends of mine ( or at least I thought they were ). I’m being gossiped about and dragged through the mud and I don’t even know what I did since really.. I haven’t been around much as of late. Now, I’ll never fault someone for unfollowing or anything like that. That’s your right and you’re free to do so. But, if we’re friends it leaves a question of what did i do? and it sucks to be stuck in that mindset.

Things are being said, people are being lied to and nobody is actually coming to ME and asking what’s up. They are taking the words of someone who has a problem with me or doesn’t like me and using it to make a decision. Even if we have been friends prior for a long time.

And honestly, I’m just tired.

We’re all adults here ( or mostly, at least on my blog since I’m 21+ ) but the behaviors I’m seeing are worse than middle school and it’s sad. I thought that in the year 2022 we could at least behave better. And sure, I’m guilty of it too but at least I do try and see for myself.

But what it boils down to is. Be kind. You don’t have to be chummy with everyone but put out in the world what you’d like to see yourself. You don’t have to like everyone’s muse. Or everyone’s interpretation of said muse. Everyone has their preferences and their favorites. Hell, I do too. But, I do try and be as inclusive as I can without disrespecting my own boundaries and my own mental health.

If you want to be friends, come t o me and bash me over the head and go FRIENDS? and I will enthusiastically be all FRIEND! even though sometimes it takes me forever to respond and forever to get back to messages. I am always here for those that need me.

I just. idk. The last few days have really taken a toll on me and my mental health and I just took a long hiatus. So what I’m saying is just... if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. Keep it to yourself. Spread positivity and don’t intentionally try and bring people down. You don’t know what people are going through or what they have been through. This is a safe space for a lot, including myself. I come here to relax and have an outlet. I’m a writer, and that had been taken away from me for a long time. RPing is a way I destress. The way I work out some of my anxiety and I start to be able to be normal again after so many years of abuse.

If you made it this far, I love you to bits lol but what I’m trying to say in too many words is. I’m only human. I mess up. I may say or do the wrong thing sometimes but I don’t mean to. I don’t do it maliciously. I want my space to be safe for me and everyone on it. Just be kind to each other, it doesn’t take a lot.

I love all y’alls faces, okay? xoxo

#this got long and is going nowhere but #i felt like it needed to be said #ii 。 out of character #real life tw #mental health tw

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steepgan · 4 years ago

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someone dear (iii) - d. ragnvindr x f!reader

PART I - PART II - PART III

FINAL PART!!!! also i hate this part the most because i definitely rushed it and i could feel myself losing steam for writing so i wanted to finish it asap LMFAO ALSO DILUC IS HELLA OOC IM SO SORRY I STARTED PLAYING GENSHIN LIKE SIX DAYS AGO IM RELLY REALLY SORRY LAFAHFOA#@*$@)*$

Today was payday.

“You look…” Charles made a face. “Vibrant.”

“I get paid!” you squealed.

“Oh, boy,” Charles said. “You know there’s more to life than money, [Name]. There’s knowledge. You could always learn more. There’s love. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with a significant other, honestly. There’s—”

You waved a dismissive hand. “I know all that already! I’m satisfied, Charles. It’s just not so bad to be financially secure while I’m at it. Money is the best thing ever!”

“Money is the root of all evil.”

“The root of all evil is buried deep within that chest of yours,” you accused. You picked up a clean rag and soaked it in a water basin. “You never let me have any fun on payday. Anyway, today there’s a new book being released, and I’ve been waiting for the sequel since forever.”

Charles nodded. “I think I know which book you’re talking about. Give it time and your librarian friend will have it in the library in no time.”

“That very librarian friend is coming today to hand-deliver the book to me.”

“Of course. Never once would you abandon your shift for books. Though, I think I’ve once seen you leave midway through the day because you saw a cat on the balcony while standing outside.”

“It was a cute cat,” you defended.

“You shouldn’t make friends with cats. They’re very picky and particular with whom they associate with.”

“Ah,” you said absentmindedly, “like Master Diluc.”

“[Name], that’s your boss.”

You deserved the reprimand. “Sorry. It’s not anything bad. I actually took your advice the other day and chatted with him a bit. He’s not as… cold as I thought, but he’s certainly as chilly as Snezhnaya at times.”

Diluc had been somewhat stubborn when you insisted on helping him. You didn’t understand. It was only natural to be there for other people; however, Diluc believed differently. He was right in some ways. Too much dependency would lead one to no good, but that was not your concern.

“Before comparing your employer to one of the coldest nations in Teyvat,” Charles said, “I nominate you to call for Patton a bit today. He’s coming in late ‘cause he’s wrapped up with something today.”

“Do you think me standing out there would do the tavern some good?”

“Try wearing a costume. Draws attention.”

“Right on. Let me see if there’s any maid uniforms in the back.”

As much as you worshipped your own looks on a daily basis, standing outside where Patton typically was took a toll on your body. But your mental health persevered. After all, you were getting paid today. Nothing could deter your smile.

You stood outside, calling out passing people with hopes of luring them in with Dandelion Wine. Diona, who worked at Cat’s Tail, stopped by to convince you to join her tavern. She was ultimately dedicated to sabotaging the traditional and rich wine industry of Mondstadt yet was doing rather poorly at it. You declined politely, as your job was the wine industry of Mondstadt.

Nimrod, one of the usuals, entered the tavern. He dodged his wife who condemned his drinking habits. He typically hung around Angel’s Share for the addicting wine. It was not strange to see him coming in and out of alleyways.

Not even the approaching Master Diluc could taint your spirits.

The approaching Master Diluc.

You’d recognize his hair and determined face anywhere. You were accustomed to seeing it, as you saw him often. You smiled and greeted him accordingly just before he entered the tavern. “Hello, Master Diluc. Have a good day today.”

“I will,” he said. “I assume today’s a good day for you, too.”

“Of course.”

Donna was giving him puppy-dog eyes around the corner, you saw, but she gave him puppy-dog eyes every day, so what was new? Diluc, the brooding bachelor bastard of Mondstadt, was the center of many ladies’ attention.

He was the center of yours because your paycheck was in his hands.

Days and weeks went by.

Because you knew Diluc’s secret and nighttime hobby, it wasn’t strange for you and he to grow closer. When he’d come back to the tavern, you arranged a nice meal for him to eat. Heroes needed plenty of food, you figured.

Sometimes, you’d eat with him in agonizing silence.

He made for mediocre company, but when it was late at night and you had nothing to do, he was a fine person to talk to. He kept his distance, preferring to sit a seat away from you at the bar, idly standing when you were sitting at a table. But you never felt alone on those nights.

Diluc came back injured sometimes, and as each night passed, he let you tend to his wounds pathetically before he went to see a doctor. You didn’t know if he was humoring your concern or if he seriously needed your help.

Even without you, he was doing just fine, but little by little, akin to a trickling stream, he began to rely on you. Another person’s trust was a heavy thing to carry, and Diluc’s trust was the weight of the entire world upon your shoulders. You feared that if you ever messed up, Diluc’s trust would be gone in a snap.

Diluc and you shared meals, which was nothing out of the ordinary now, but there was small conversation. Diluc, to your knowledge, never really participated in idle chatter, but he talked with you about the sights he’d seen around Liyue, the hub of business in Teyvat, and you retold jokes your friends had said and rumors about a certain person that were made just to pass time.

You could pull vicarious wonder when Diluc told you of the other nations. You’d venture there yourself, but your skills in the adventuring department were lacking.

You admitted that you were wrong about Diluc; where you had thought him cold and stoic, he was protective and brave. He treasured his work above nearly everything—to the point he overworked. In a way he was somewhat like you. A little different, though. A little stranger. A little better.

Diluc had grand aspirations and was bold personified. You, too, had something to live for, but it wasn’t as great as his. You liked the little things; you liked the dog who wagged his tail whenever you passed in hopes of you giving it a treat; you liked shopping with your friends; you liked reading new books and joking around with Lisa.

You and Master Diluc seem to complement each other, that’s all, Charles had said then.

“Charles, you’re insane,” you said, pushing Charles’ shoulder. “It’s never going to work. Patton would never agree to putting on the maid dress.”

“And if we bribe him?” Charles asked.

Diluc was standing on the other side of the bar, a brow quirked and a smile lapping at his lips. His arms were crossed, and as much as he tried to seem intimidating, he looked like a friend to you. Before, you would have seen him as judgmental and indifferent, but the Diluc before you was someone who you knew better.

“How much do you think we should give Patton? Maybe we need to sort into bigger pockets.” You peered at Diluc.

Charles said, “What—do you think Master Diluc is willing to put on such a uniform?”

You laughed, and Diluc was looking at you. He didn’t look upset at all. His face was calm, and his pretty cupid’s bow lips were drawn in an amused smile. Oh, he was gorgeous—and upon that thought intruding your headspace, you nearly stopped laughing.

Sometimes Diluc would bring you small trinkets from the winery. You once brought up you wanted an owl statue to put on your balcony to attract other owls (though you were sure that wasn’t how nature worked), and Diluc, sure enough, gave you an owl statue around the size of your torso.

“Master Diluc,” you said. “What is this?”

“An owl statue.”

“Gee, wow! I thought it was a penguin.” You tentatively patted the top of its head. “What’s it for?”

“You,” he said. “I had it laying around the winery.”

It provoked thought in you. What sort of person had an owl statue laying around? You felt the need to give Diluc something back, but what did you have to give him? So that very night, you took him outside of Mondstadt so you could capture a Mist Flower Corolla for your friend.

Typically, you wouldn’t take your employer out on an errand, but you were done with work, so it wasn’t Master Diluc. It was just Diluc. Diluc looked like he wanted to say no to you because he didn’t really devote his time into something so trivial, but you insisted.

“If you needed it that badly,” Diluc said, “you could have asked me. We have plenty near the winery, and I can take care of them easily.”

“It’s not that,” you said, watching an Ice Flower bloom and freeze the water around it. “It’s about the adventure. The message.”

“And what’s this message you speak of?”

“It’s the message of ‘hey, I nearly froze my ass off to get this flower for you, but I care about you enough to risk frostbite.’”

“How… kind of you, [Name].”

You and Diluc spent all night catching enough Mist Flower Corollas for your liking. You wanted a bouquet, and you had a bouquet at the end of the night, at the expense of Diluc’s time and your sleep. You carried the bundle in your hands happily.

Diluc’s fire skills came handy, and it wouldn’t be a lie if you said you brought him along just for it. You liked his personality and his friendship, of course, but his fire skills were a… plus!

On the nights where it was just you and he, Diluc sat nearer to you now. Diluc picked up Charles’ shifts more often and sat across from you whenever you were seated at tables. He sat next to you at the bar, entertaining you out of your boredom.

It wasn’t until one day, Donna of the flower shop was gushing about Diluc, and you felt uneasy. You’d known that Donna was incredibly fond of Diluc, but it never bothered you until now.

Of course, you brought it up to Charles, one of your closest confidants, only third to your bank account and Lisa.

“He likes you back, you know,” Charles said, playing with the tip jar. The coins clinked and clanked in there. “I can tell you that much, [Name].”

“Ewwwwww,” you moaned. “Talking to you about my problems is gross. Where’s Lisa? She’ll tell me the truth for sure. You only want me happy so I can clean the entire tavern for free again. You want me to cover your shift again?”

“Sure I do,” Charles said, “but what I’m saying is true, [Name]. He looks at you all funky.”

“Yeah, because I’m a funky gal.”

“Stop it.”

“Funky, funky, funky.”

“Please.” Charles sighed and set down the tip jar. “It’s like… you and he are weirdly connected. He looks at you a lot. He always looks at you whenever there’s a joke, just to see if you’re laughing, I guess. He must like your laugh. I think it sounds like a horse, personally.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek. You loved talking to Charles. You loved money. You loved your friends, and you loved your happiness. You loved—no, you liked Diluc. You didn’t know what to do when it came to him. Maybe if you kept away, your affections would find someone else to torment.

Like, for example, that newly hired boy next door that nearly killed his shop’s plants. He was a clumsy sort of cute.

But Diluc was not clumsy. He was meticulous and always got the job done. He took care of himself well, and on days he overworked, you made sure he took some time to rest.

You shook your head. You should stop thinking about Diluc for now and focus.

Yet it was always you and Diluc, and Diluc began to invade your thoughts. You brought up weaving flowers into his long hair, and Diluc always turned you down, saying that there wasn’t enough time for that.

You wished to brush Diluc’s bangs back and lightly kiss his forehead, if he was okay with that. Instead, you said to Diluc, you have a big forehead. No wonder you’re so smart.

Can we go back to the part where you said I had a big forehead? he’d retorted.

It wasn’t until nearly a month later did Diluc come to his shift with Mist Flower Corollas in hand and shyly handed them to you. There was a red hue on his cheeks, and his voice was small, afraid of rejection. His hair was tied back in a neater fashion, and his eyes were cast downward.

Become someone dear to me, he had said.

He wore fine clothes and a nervous expression. It was so out of character for Diluc. You felt as if you were watching a high school boy struggle to express his feelings. However, had Diluc walked into the tavern with a more open chest and chin up, he wouldn’t have been Diluc at all.

You liked Diluc as he was—somewhat closed off but kind enough. Mondstadt’s hero. A knight who donned glimmering red hair and a steel exterior. You wondered if Diluc had to prep himself before coming to you.

“Sorry,” he said although there was nothing to be sorry for, really. “I mean, if you don’t like the flowers—”

Hey, I nearly froze my ass off to get this flower for you, but I care about you enough to risk frostbite.

You took the flowers. “Oh, no, I love it. I really, really do, Master Diluc!”

“Just Diluc.”

“Diluc,” you corrected. “Do I get financial compensation if I become someone dear to you?”

“For starters, I could give you a Mist Flower Corolla every day,” Diluc said, “if that’s enough to satiate you.”

“And then?”

“In the evenings, I’d take you to Cider Lake to watch the starry night while you read those magazines of yours. We don’t need to talk. Just bask in each other’s company, really.”

You tried to fight the smile that was growing on your face. You set down the flowers on the bar counter before saying, “that’s it?”

“I’d let you weave flowers into my hair. I’d take you all over Teyvat, if that’s what you wished as well. I’d take care of you as much as you had taken care of me whenever I’m injured. I’d learn your jokes and get along well with your friends because they seem pleasant.”

You didn’t know Diluc was such a romantic. You dusted Diluc’s shoulder. “I would hold your hand.”

Diluc frowned. “This doesn’t feel very equal to me.”

“You want more?” you quipped. “I’d kiss your forehead. And then I’d read to you. That is, if you like fairy tales… Oh! And then I’d take you up to the mountains where we could see the constellations the best! I love constellations; they’re so pretty.”

“Truthfully,” Diluc admitted, “you don’t have to do anything. I think… I think I’d be satisfied if I just had your company.”

“Would you now? And what about Donna from the flower shop?”

“What about her?”

“Oh, nothing.” You pretended to think about Diluc’s proposal. “I have to say, I think I’m enchanted by your offer, Diluc. I’m going to have to say yes. I will become someone dear to you.”

PART I - PART II - PART III

#diluc ragnvindr #diluc #genshin impact diluc #x reader #genshin impact #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin impact x reader #me speedrunning the ending desperately:

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starryeyedrogue · 3 years ago

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mental health & vent

again, a long one. please stick with me here.

tw: depression, anxiety, ptsd, epilepsy diagnosis, suicidal thoughts mention

hey everyone, like I said in my last post, I won’t be as active on here. this doesn’t mean I’m quitting by any means, I’m here for the long haul! I just need a break for a little bit.

side note: I am not in any way suicidal or practicing self harm. this is just to vent and act as a PSA for my mutuals/followers.

now onto my main message.

I’ve seen lots of posts about mental health lately, and I’m so incredibly proud of those who have spoken up. They’ve inspired me to make my own post, actually. normally I’d keep it to myself, but this time has been rough and I want to get it off my chest. I’ll probably delete this later, but still.

I’ve been depressed.

long story short, I had a very traumatic experience a couple years ago with an ex boyfriend (not going into it on this post, for details just dm me. not something I’d want to post publicly, this is just an explanation) and I was deeply depressed. I was never diagnosed “officially” because I was afraid to speak up, as this would expose what I was going through. I had really bad anxiety at that time too, and I still do. I also have PTSD flashbacks from it now and again. none of this was diagnosed, and I still don’t want to bring it up to my doctors/family. my irl friends don’t even know, at least not most of it.

I have monoclonic epilepsy, which means my seizures are fairly small. my arms, legs, feet, hands, and fingers twitch, and I lose control for a few seconds. it doesn’t hurt, and sometimes I don’t even notice or remember it happening, but my family does. epilepsy in general runs in my family, and it can be triggered by a great deal of stress, lack of sleep, and of course flashing lights. in my case, I never “had” epilepsy or seizures until the “experience” I mentioned before, as it caused massive amounts of stress for about 2 years straight. it’s gotten better, as I now have medicine and am out of that situation, and I haven’t had a seizure since September, which is amazing and a huge blessing.

writing has helped with my depression and anxiety a lot, as I can write out what effects me the most. honestly, some of the characters are based off of myself (before vs after) and the person from the “experience.” this is just for therapeutic reasons, as I don’t really want to go to real therapy (I’d be too embarrassed to ask for it or talk to someone anyway, though I probably need to go eventually and plan to when I’m on my own).

however, when I stopped posting it, I started feeling bad again. I didn’t think I needed to post my stories to feel better or to make a childhood dream into reality, but not posting it made me feel somehow worse. I’ve stopped writing as much, and I’ve lost motivation to do just about anything. I’m working on a couple things to help myself get out of this “funk,” but any tips would be greatly appreciated!

this may seems stupid, but I’ve been depressed and very anxious about my schooling. I started in cyber security and got about halfway through, but I became depressed and had other issues so I didn’t finish the degree. now I’m starting in psychology, after praying for months and months for help with figuring out what to do for school. I finally got an answer, and that answer was to be a Christian counselor! I want to help as many people as I can, especially since I know how it feels to be anxious, depressed, and have PTSD.

I’m dealing with a lot of changes right now, as I’m selling my first car, might have to move out of my first house/childhood home, and just a bunch of other stuff. this sounds trivial, but I hate change. it seriously stresses me out. my neurologist told me that if I have any more seizures, I won’t be able to drive for 6 months to a year to be safe (as I could have an “episode” as I call it while driving and hurt myself/others in a potential car accident). trust me, trying not to be stressed while being stressed, anxious, and depressed is not easy.

on top of all that, my irl friends have all but abandoned me. I never hear from them (all but one, she’s the best!), and when I do they ignore me or pretend to listen when they obviously aren’t. I try to make plans with them, but they ignore me or just say “definitely!” but never try to set up times to hang out. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen them all together. I was able to hang out with the friend I mentioned earlier to go to another friend’s recital, but that was it, and that was months ago. I totally get being busy, but I miss them and I don’t think they miss me, which really hurts. one friend ditched us on graduation day and we haven’t talked to her outside of “happy birthday,” or “@___ look at this thing I know you like,” which she never responded to. graduation was 4 years ago. I miss them all, even if they aren’t really my friends. I miss familiarity and their chaotic personalities. I’ve known them my entire life. honestly, I haven’t made any other friends irl, even though I’ve tried (I’m very introverted and a lot of people don’t get my humor/personality. I’m very much a mischievous old lady that uses weird wording (li.e. using uncommon words for my generation mixed with modern stuff, basically I sound like a vampire that’s been around since the 50s and mixes the eras together in some unholy mixture) at heart and I have very niche interests that I cling to like they’re my last hope). basically, making friends and meeting new people is hard for me for various reasons.

tumblr is different though, which I’m seriously grateful for! the people I’ve talked to are all so nice and really fun to talk to, and they’re part of why I’m posting this. @elvish-sky gave me the courage to post this and @hey-its-nonny and @padawansofthejediorder have been amazing and super nice to me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. the reason I’m posting this is to let them know what’s going on if I don’t respond to messages for a while, and to let them know what wonderful people they are and how much it means to me that they care about me, even if we’re just tumblr mutuals. I love you guys, thanks for being here! it means more than you know.

my mom and dad both had health scares recently, which made me spiral even more. I honestly don’t know what I would do if one of them died. they’re literally my world and my best friends, as ridiculous as that sounds. my mental health was so low I honestly thought I’d die too. they’re both fine now, which is truly a blessing and a massive relief. when I say I thought I’d die too, I don’t mean I wanted to commit suicide, but I honestly can’t imagine a world without my parents, especially my mom (hers was the main health scare, it was a case of reaction to a new medication for her migraines). we’re insanely close and she’s my best friend, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t know what I would do without her. it’s making me teary just thinking about it.

long story short, please be patient with me. I’m dealing with a lot right now, and I need some time to take a deep breath and focus on my mental health. if you have any suggestions/tips for dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD flashbacks, please let me know!

for those I’ve tagged, you don’t have to reply or even read this whole thing if you want, I tagged you because I thought you’d like to know about this and/or I wanted to show my appreciation for your kindness!

I love you all, thanks for sticking around and listening to my rants. <3

#roguespeaks #sorry that was super long #vent #mental health #roguesrambles

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whynotwinnie · 4 years ago

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Tímida: Roger Taylor x OC series

sorry guys i’ve been m.i.a. with second semester starting i’ve been stressing with class and all that but i had this chapter for awhile now and i decided to finish it. also i’m trying to work on “wounded” the kylo ren series but i fell into a bit of a writers block for that one. .-. i’ll work on it soon. but here is this roger taylor fic you can use ben hardy’s version of roger if you would like. :) thanks for reading.

MICKEY

Waking up groggy you checked your alarm clock, 12:00 in the afternoon you have definitely seen worse you groaned as you got up from your bed.

You had always followed a very specific routine in all honestly it just made sense living on your own had definitely impacted you and your mental health so sticking to a routine made it feel like your life was always on track, when it certainly was not.

The first thing on your non-existent schedule was coffee, no matter the time you always needed some sort of caffeine when you are tight on cash it was tea at home, but when you were able and that was most of the time you went to a small coffee shop that was about a fifteen-minute walk from your studio apartment.

After doing the basic self-hygiene you grabbed your tote bag filled with your work stuff and started walking to the directions to Beachwood Cafe.

The walk is always quiet and calm, but it always gave you little bits and pieces into other people’s lives. Like the old lady watering her plants or the way, the housewife takes her toddler for a walk in his stroller. The sense of familiarity comforted you.

“Hello there.”

You whipped your head toward the direction of the voice, this was not part of the routine you had never seen this man before, his shoulder-length blonde hair and ridiculously blue eyes were unfamiliar yet comforting. He was confident yet nonchalant with his greeting.

“Hello,” you said with a small smile he looked down at you smiling.

You continued to walk seeing Beachwood in the distance.

“Were you going to get a cuppa?” you nodded your head “That is so crazy because so was I.” he picked up his pace so he can open the door for you.

You muttered a small thank you and walked in, Beachwood was a small but very popular coffeeshop the owner Dayla has became a very good friend of yours and always brightened up your day with a joke or two.

“Mimi, how are you love?” she asked from behind the counter.

“I’m good Day how are you?”

“Can’t complain if I say so myself.” she said grinning “Let me guess Caffe Latte and a pastry?”

“Yes ma’am, it’s late in the day you didn’t run out of the pastries yet?”

“I just took out a fresh batch right now, I knew you were going to have a late start today.” God, you loved this woman.

You stepped aside to get your wallet from your bag

“What would you like young man?” Dayla asked the man who walked in with you.

“I’ll just get a cup of tea please, Oh! I’ll get her order as well” he said as he saw you handing money to Dayla.

“That’s okay!” you said feeling the heat rise to your cheeks.

“Please I insist.” He said practically throwing the money to pay for your order at Dayla.

“Please let me-”

“Mimi! he said he insists go sit down,” Dayla said looking at you wide-eyed.

You looked at both of them and walked to the seat you usually sat at and what a surprise the man came with you.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” he said motioning to the seat across from you.

“Go ahead,” you said

He sat down looking out the window and then back at you. “I’m sorry I realized I never introduced myself I’m Roger Taylor.” he said extending his hand out to you, you grabbed it.

“I’m Mickey… well it’s not really Mickey but it’s just easier to pronounce.” Stupid you should’ve just said Mickey.

“May I ask what your real name is?” Roger said still holding your hand

“It’s Mikaela but Mickey is fine.”

“Can you say it one more time, I want to make sure I got it right.” he rubbed his thumb across your knuckles.

“Umm… yeah it’s pronounced Me as in me and you, Ki like eye but with a K in front of it and Yella like yell with an A after… That sounded really complicated actually you don’t have to-”

“Mikaela?” he said slowly looking up at you for confirmation.

“Yeah!” your heart skipped a beat it is so nice hearing your name.

“Nice to meet you Mikaela” he said as he brought your hand up to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss on your knuckles.

Fuck.

Of course, at the exact same time as that happened, Dayla came with your drinks. She set your drink down smirking and left without saying another word.

“Is it safe to assume that you are not from here?” He asked while blowing on his tea before taking a small sip.

“Yeah, you can say that. What gave it away.” You said smiling from your coffee cup

“You’re just different from everyone not in a bad way either I like it. Where are you from.”

Oh god, I can die happy right now.

“Well, it's a bit of a long story.”

“I don't have anywhere to be.” He said his blues eyes burning into yours

Oh wow, he's so hot

“Oh in that case. I was born in a small town in Spain. Spanish was my first language so that’s why I talk funny.”

“I like the way you talk.”

He did not. Your face was definitely red.

“How does a girl from Spain come to London?”

“Ummm sheer luck I suppose.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure”

“Was it hard learning another language?”

“Learning English was super difficult sometimes I feel like I dont know what I’m saying, but English is my third language my second was Italian.”

“Italian? Where do you find the time to learn two extra languages?” He was genuinely in disbelief

“Well my mom was from Spain and my dad was from Italy so I just needed to know both and they’re pretty similar to each other so it wasn’t that hard.

“What do you do for fun?”

“What do I do for fun?” I repeated thinking hard

“Yes, you obviously must have loads of friends.”

“Well… I do have friends, I just can’t think of one at this second.”

This is embarrassing now he thinks I’m a loser

“Don’t worry I don’t have many friends either but consider me as your friend Mickey.”

“What about you? What do you do for fun?” I need to change the subject oh my god.

“Well, I’m in a rock band.”

“A rock band?!” You said a little too loudly

“What about me isn’t rock and roll Mickey?” he said laughing

“Not in a bad way of course you don’t seem like the type to be singing in front of a crowd,” I said shaking my head

“Well, I suppose you got that right I’m on the drums in the back so the audience can’t really see me anyways.”

“I’m sorry I’m not trying to make fun of you I just got caught off guard, does your band have a name?”

“Sm- Queen,” he said shaking his head.

“I like the name Queen, are you playing soon I would like to see what I’m missing out on.”

“We’re actually recording our first album right now, the recording place is not too far from here about a block or two further down. So we’re going on a small break until we’re done with the album but I believe the next one is in three weeks.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for it then.” You said sipping your coffee

“Actually I was hoping to see you earlier than that.”

You immediately choked on your coffee, making a scene by coughing into your napkin.

“That wasn’t the response I had hoped for,” he said passing you his napkin so you can wipe your tears with.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I wasn’t trying to be mean I just- well I would like to see you again as well.”

“Really?,” He said smiling, and you swear you could melt from his smile alone.

“Yes, of course.” You smiled back.

He then prompted to drink his cup of tea until it was finished and left money on the table.

“Great then I’m going to leave before I can mess up this perfect first moment. By any chance do you have a pen on you?”

You shook your head yes and looked through your bag handing it to him.

“This is my number, we’re recording until 6 today so anytime after that call me and I’d love to talk to you more.”

You felt your head spinning with how fast he was talking and moving.

He plucked your hand up and gave you a small kiss on it again, he then walked to the door before saying.

“Promise me you’ll call me,” he told you while he grabbed the door handle.

“I promise I’ll call you,” you said softly

“Perfect,” he said while he winked at you and then left.

He gave you one last look through the window and then left, once he was out of view Dayla came to the table.

“Who was that?” she said, collecting her tip that Roger left her.

“His name is Roger. I met him today.”

“Today! You’re joking.”

“I swear Dayla I met him minutes before coming here?”

“He can be a psychopath! And here you are chatting with him after knowing him for 30 minutes.”

That stopped you.

“He is not a psycho he was so nice and funny, and did you see how hot he is Day?”

“Yeah well murderers can be funny and hot.”

“Do you really think he’s a murderer?” you asked in a exsperated way.

“No, I was just kidding he is really hot and besides who would want to murder you?” Dayla said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Wow that doesn’t really make me feel better.”

She stood up grabbing Roger’s empty cup “Girl you know I was just playing I say go for it and have fun, anyone would be lucky to have you.” she bumped your shoulder with her hip and left.

Your mind felt overwhelmed with all the excitement from today you even almost forgot that you had some work orders to do you tried to push Roger from your mind as you grabbed your journal and sketchbook from your bag. You looked back at your notes reading on what your client wanted: a floor-length gown but not something too flashy something to show off their arms and their cleavage. Perfect. You spent your time designing the gown having fun with it since you probably wouldn’t have another gown piece for months. After finishing you went on to your smaller orders feeling yourself getting into the groove of things.

Looking up from your sketch you noticed how dark it got outside and how empty it now was in the cafe. You decided to call it a day, well that was until you go home, and then you would start making the gown. You noticed the clock when you were telling Dayla good night. 6:58 Damn time really flew by and then you remembered the number you had in your bag.

The walk home went by to fast your thoughts about what you would say to Roger once you called made you nervous to the point that your keys kept slipping from your hands as you were trying to open the door to your apartment.

You purposely threw your jacket on the phone hook so you didn’t have to see it and went to the bathroom you looked at your appearance baggy jeans, an oversize t-shirt that you also slept in, hair a mess, and no makeup. You shook your head, no way Roger was being serious about you calling him he was so much more put together and out of your league completely. You could just imagine all the beautiful women that he has been with, no way you could compare. You sighed walking out the bathroom ready to get started on your order. You grabbed the different fabrics you needed for making the gown and when you went to grab your sketchbook Roger’s number fell and slowly fluttered down to the floor like it was taunting you. You stared at the paper hard groaning when you opened it reading that he wrote “Roger <3” following his number. You did promise him you would call…

Your heartbeat picked up when you approached the phone dialing each number slowly wishing a catastrophic event would happen and end the world so you didn’t have to finish dialing. It didn’t happen. You put the phone to your ear and hear the first ring, and then the second. This was stupid calling him in the first place you removed the phone from your ear and were half a second away from hanging up when you heard “Hello?”

Shit.

You couldn’t just hang up now.

“Hello, is this Roger?”

“It took you long enough.”

#queen band #queen smut #queen imagine #rogertaylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut #roger taylor fanfic #queen imagines #borhap #borhap smut #ben hardy #ben hardy smut #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fluff #queen fluff

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sineala · 4 years ago

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Holy Crap!!! Asks are backkk ... best Christmas gift everrr. I wish you nothing but the best in this world!

I’ve got a question, I have read a few of iron man runs so my knowledge of the character is limited. I tried following the current run but almost every iron man blog I follow are hating it so much and I am scared to ask them why lol so I wanted to know what ur opinion and mainly what is Tonys character flaw? Cuz I don’t know why he is being called OOC in the current. I always thought his main flaw was indeed a huge ego and manipulative. I believe it aligns with his core character because he was a prodigy, smart, filthy rich and handsome. So why wouldn’t he be cocky? Also; I believe it is an insecurity/cover up. His dad paid no attention growing up which makes me believe it’s a habit of Tony to constantly act out to get attention elsewhere. Okay I’m rambling A LOT, my question is why is arrogant/cocky/insensitive Tony considered an OOC when I thought it was his major flaw?

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Love to have you back! 💝

Merry Christmas to you too, anon! Oof. I guess we’re getting the salt out early tonight...

Okay, so. This is kind of complicated, but the thing about Tony is that the way his character has been written has changed over the years. He initially started out as... well, the best way I can describe him is as a fantasy of ethical capitalism. He was filthy rich but he was also A Very Good Person, very kind, very caring. He was generous. He knew his employees’ names. He believed in philanthropy, and as late as v3 he was going around doing things like funding programs for low-income kids and funding women’s shelters. Like, he was honestly a deeply, deeply good person who just wanted to help people. (I can pull panels to support this if you need them; I just figured it would be a lot faster not to.)

You’d think someone like that would be egotistical, but the thing is... he wasn’t. He absolutely wasn’t. I’m not saying that he didn’t believe he was right, because he was also generally very confident that he was right (I mean, he’s one of the smartest people on the planet, so he generally IS right) but he also had absolutely zero self-esteem. And so I would say that in order to get arrogance you need high self-confidence plus high self-esteem and Tony had a whole lot of one but none of the other. I mean, this is a guy who, when kidnapped by Skrulls, who then posed as Avengers, figured out that they were Skrulls because he sincerely believed there was no way the Avengers would care about him enough to come rescue him. He has, canonically, described himself as depressed. (I know, that was Fraction’s run, but still.)

There’s a really nice takedown somewhere near the end of the v3 arc in which he becomes the Secretary of Defense where a senator basically asks why he should get this job when he is so totally arrogant and Tony just says that he has done so many things to save people that no one has ever found out about, and he has never asked for credit, he has never wanted credit, he just wants to keep people safe, and that’s just... that’s just really Tony, to me. (And he does get the job, too.)

Hang on, I am doing a bad job paraphrasing, let me find it. IM v3 #76-78:

(As opposed to say, now, when he’s spending most of an issue complaining that no one thanks him.)

But starting with Fraction’s run, more or less, the portrayal of Tony started to shift from “a billionaire who is explicitly ethical and a Good Person” to “a billionaire who is kind of an arrogant jerk because that’s what billionaires are.” So it’s not, in a sense, out of character for the current run to take this tack with Tony’s character, because it’s a direction he’s been heading in for about a decade now -- but many people who are fans of 616 Tony as a character are fans of his earlier portrayal in the comics, in which he is absolutely not arrogant at all, and many of them (including me) aren’t really eager to read a run where it’s just assumed that he’s an asshole and he needs to be knocked down a peg. Why would I want to read a run about my fave where literally no one likes him and all the other characters tell him how terrible he is? Why would I want to read him, for example, making casually ableist remarks where he mocks the idea of learning sign language?

The current run also flat-out ignores a lot of past canon in a way that people who are fans of past Iron Man canon can find a lot to dislike about. There are a lot of guest villains from the Silver Age, that is true, but everything else... yeah, no.

I mean, okay. My absolute favorite IM run is Denny O’Neil’s run, specifically the second drinking arc. I know for a fact that the current IM writer has read it because he likes to post panels on Twitter. And I’m just not sure how anyone can read that run and come away with the impression that Tony is arrogant, and yet that seems to be what’s going on. The audience of the current run is clearly meant to agree with Patsy as she tells Tony to check his privilege -- and while, yes, he is a billionaire, he also spent about ten straight issues being broke and homeless and living in a cardboard box. He may not know what it’s like, say, to be born into poverty, but he does, actually, know what it’s like to have nothing. He has been there.

And also, contrary to Patsy’s assertion, Tony does in fact know what it’s like to be suicidal, because he has literally tried to kill himself at least twice, and one of them was in the middle of the second drinking arc, and, again, I know the current IM writer has read it because he has been posting panels from that very issue. Tony sold his coat to buy one last bottle of booze, sat down outside in a blizzard, and waited to die. And there are a lot of fans who find Tony’s mental health issues relatable, find his triumphs inspiring, and so on -- and so it’s kind of frustrating to read a run where we are, essentially, told that Tony is An Out Of Touch Privileged Dude who could never understand anyone having problems like that, because one of the things fandom likes a lot about Tony is that he does actually have those problems himself.

I think the best thing I can say about the current run is that it is crafting an interesting narrative about a man who needs to learn humility; I just really wish that this man weren’t Tony Stark, because in the way he’s been canonically portrayed for decades, he’s already had that covered.

I will say that the art’s nice. I own all three variants of #1 with the tentacles and am still planning to frame them.

This is not to say that I think it is wrong to like the run. Hey, if you like the run, I am glad to hear it, because I am glad that someone is actually buying this comic every month who is enjoying reading it! And it is definitely in line with recent trends in Tony’s characterization. I just keep picking up Iron Man comics and hoping that this month the old Tony, the Tony that I started reading Iron Man comics because I wanted to see more of, will be back... and he’s not.

#Anonymous #replies

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poetic-beats · 3 years ago

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I still want to polish up this blog so I am almost tempted when I can get to a PC as it’s not really easy to edit and change up my blog via my IPad. It’s just not functionally made to do it on something like this, it sucks and is painstaking trying to make any changes via this which is kinda why I decided recently to not even bother trying to set up my new blog properly because I just wanted to share my writing again and it’s going to be awhile before I’ve a PC set up. Anyways when I do get my PC set up the first thing I need to do is archive every single poem I’ve ever written and posted online so I can have a back up I know I know, how can I not have gotten it done before now. I’ve been writing for almost a decade and could lose all my work tomorrow if things went wrong because I’ve just not gotten round to it. In doing so I’m also considering just wiping this entire blog clean and starting again for the most part. Organising it better, changing the theme, making better use of tags than I did when I first started and just making the experience easier on people who want to find my poems and read them direct from my blog rather than their dash. As I do feel my theme and tagging system currently isn’t set up to be user/reader friendly. Then again I never imagined this blog would become what it has, it was just a place for me to share my work for the first time outside of the one small forum I’d used. It was not even something I was confident about doing but was encourage to do so by my partner and family. Then it turned into this and its given me so much more confidence to post else where and I really would one day love to make some kind of career out of this. Okay so no I don’t expect to make a living wage from it but it’d be nice if I could have a book or two or maybe put my content out there for free but on some kind of paywall basis too - like with Ko-Fi and be able to get some small steady monthly income. That’d be nice but just to know my work has made an impact, that it’s resonated with others that’s what makes this worth it. I would be lying if that was all though hence the monetisation dreams too because who wouldn’t want to be able to earn from their passion. Okay I know some people wouldn’t want too but I would and I think that starts with being more organised, more consistent in posting and making sure I utilise more than just Twitter and Tumblr. Which is why I want to start using my Instagram again and look at using TikTok too but right now things are really just a lot mental health wise I’ve been struggling. Honestly I’ve been struggling for awhile and since my Grandmas death last year I just haven’t seemed to find that stability not that I ever truly had it I guess but I had some sense of stability and I’ve not gotten it back since she died. It’s also stressful because we’re in the process of moving we’ve been stuck in this limbo for months and months now because the place we are moving too has needed renovations and still isn’t done. We hope to finally be finished and moved in early February. Then I can hopefully work on improving my mental health through 1. Being in a less stressful environment than I am now, 2. Routine routine routine and 3. Just getting back to normality and having that space to do so. Anyways I’m rambling now so I’ll end it here plus my hands are hurting trying to type this out I’ve been getting more and more aches and pains too as of late but not much I can do about that.

#update #not poetry #erin rambles #erin talks #life update

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we-are-inevitable · 4 years ago

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not moving on, not looking back // ch. 9

A/N: FINALLY GOT ANOTHER CHAPTER UP AHHAHAHAAAA i hope you guys like this!!

Read On AO3!

“David! I’m getting a divorce!”

That is decidedly not what David had expected to hear at 7:45 on a Thursday morning, but at least Katherine seems happy about it. It takes a few moments for him to fully process the gravity of the situation, but David is quick to adapt, raising a brow and staring at her with a confused smile. “Uh- huh, that… Wow? Good? Oh no? How- How do I respond to that?”

“Good! It’s good!” Katherine squeals as she sits down, on top of one of the spare desks stored in David’s room. She already looks different, more carefree; she’s wearing her hair up, has on bolder makeup than usual, and is wearing a pair of fitted slacks, heels, a blush colored blouse and a blazer rather than her typical dress. “I’m checking in at the motel for a while until I can find myself somewhere to stay, but we talked it out and he agreed with me and everything is fine, so, yeah! Last night was the last time we’re ever going to sleep together, so it was a special occasion and I’m a little hungover, but don’t tell anyone,” Katherine chirps quickly, looking at David with a wide grin.

That is a lot to take in. He looks at her as he leans back against his desk, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’m sorry, did you say you slept with Jack after agreeing to divorce? Like, slept in the same bed?”

“Nope. We fucked.”

“I-- Wow, okay. Kath, that’s not a mental picture I needed to see.”

“Unless you think about Jack alone, right?”

David nods before he can stop himself. As soon as he does so, his eyes widen and he immediately shakes his head, staring at Katherine as his jaw drops. “Wait, no! No, no, I don’t-- What? No, that isn’t-- I’m not-- No!”

Katherine doesn’t look convinced.

David hesitates for a moment before giving in and sighing, hiding his face in his hands. “Look, Kath, I am so sorry… It’s just- It’s a stupid little crush. Nothing substantial, and nothing happened, I promise. He doesn't even know, and--"

“Wait, you think I’m upset?” She asks with an amused tone. “David, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to us! I think you two would be really good for each other.”

“Shouldn’t you be the one to know that your husband is straight?” David asks with a raised brow, then blinks. “Unless-- No, no, I don’t want to hear any more. If something is going to happen, then I want to hear it from him first. I don’t want to speculate.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, then looks at Katherine. “What… What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that this is something I give you permission to pursue. Not that you need it, of course; you’re a grown man. You can do what you want,” She says simply, before standing and taking a few strides toward David. “But if you like Jack, then I want you to go for it. I won’t mind. I don’t know how he’ll feel, I don't know if he'll feel the same way, but… it’s worth a shot.”

David looks down at her with a hesitant look, before giving a sharp nod. “Noted. Thank you… I just-- If and only if he feels the same. I... don’t want to be a rebound? I’ve been in that situation. It’s never, ever good for my mental health.”

“Then take things slow and see where it leads," Katherine says gently, then bites her lip. "But I’ve known Jack since sophomore year, Davey, and he isn’t the kind of guy to do something like that. I promise,” She murmurs sincerely, gently squeezing David’s shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go do some paperwork.”

David watches as she walks toward the classroom door. He thinks for just a moment, and opens his mouth before he can stop himself. “Hey, Kat?”

“Hm?”

“Stay with me until you find a place,” David says simply, looking at her with a grin. “Don’t waste your money on a motel. I have a spare bedroom you can take, so… Stay with me. It’s the least I could do, since you’ve helped me so much these last few weeks. I-- My sister is coming into town this weekend, so I’ll be sleeping on the couch, but the spare room is yours.”

Katherine considers it, then smirks. “I hope you’re ready for all night Gossip Girl marathons.”

“As long as we throw a few episodes of Glee in, I’m down.”

“Trashy reality TV?”

“A must have, obviously. Sappy romcoms?”

“I have a whole box of DVDs,” Katherine grins, then gives David a wave and walks toward the door. “I’m staying with Hannah tonight- she's a friend of mine. Works with Jack," She explains with a broad sweep of her hand. "But I’ll see you tomorrow! Get ready for some Blake Lively action!” With that, she leaves the room, giggling down the hall.

David shakes his head as she walks away, letting out a content sigh. For once, he feels... Good. Excited. He’s looking forward to Katherine staying over, for as long as she needs to, of course. It would be good. He has… a friend.

That’s the first time it really hits him that he has a friend. Katherine and Jack are his friends, his real friends, and David is so glad to have them in his life.

But he needs to check up on Jack.

That afternoon, David says goodbye to Katherine in the office before heading outside the front doors. He walks down the sidewalk for a few moments, but stops in his tracks when he sees a familiar deep blue truck in the parking lot, and hears a familiar deep voice softly singing along to an old Johnny Cash song.

David grins to himself and walks toward the truck. His smile only grows wider when Jack notices him and rolls the driver’s side window down, waving. “Davey! Hi!”

David shakes his head, hurrying toward the truck. “What are you doing here, cowboy?”

“Well, ya see, I was gonna pick up my ex, but she told me she was workin’ late while I was already here, so I decided to stay and pick up the only adult I know who doesn’t own a car,” Jack says with a smirk, hanging one arm out of the window. He’s still in his professional "I'm A College Professor, Respect Me" clothes- navy slacks, a white button up with the sleeves rolled to his forearms, and a navy vest. He seems to have already taken off his tie, but he’s wearing glasses and oh, God, David is weak at the knees.

“See, I knew not owning a car would come in handy,” David teases back, leaning up against the door of the truck. “I am the responsible and economically-friendly adult who doesn’t own a truck that emits tons of carbon emissions into the atmosphere each year that you’re talking about, right?”

“That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Get in the truck before I leave you here, dumbass.”

“Yes, sir,” David replies with a chuckle, walking around the vehicle to climb in. He sighs as he sits down and leans back, buckling up as Jack pulls out of the parking spot. “Hey, so, I... I know that the whole Katherine thing didn’t work out. How’re you holding up?”

“I think I’m doin’ good,” Jack replies with a sigh, looking straight ahead at the road in front of them. “It’s… It’s a good thing. Right? I mean, it’s an amicable split. We aren’t fighting over the house, ‘cause it belonged to my family, and we already figured out who gets to keep what last night after... yeah. Plus, this’ll be good for… me. Give me the chance to, uh, figure some things out. Self exploration, that’s what Kath said.”

That sounds promising, but David refuses to get his hopes up. “Well, if you need anything, let me know. I'm here for you, Jackie,” David offers with a soft elbow nudge, grinning. “So, the house belongs to your family?”

“Belonged. Past tense. They’re all, uh, gone.”

“Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

“No, hey, it’s chill. I kinda figured Kath would tell you about it, but I guess not,” Jack says with a shrug and a glance toward David, offering him a sad smile. “My mamá, her family owned it. They moved to America in the ‘30s. Stayed in Texas for a while, but they came up this way for work. My great grandfather worked here in Tarrytown, and actually helped build the house, plus a few others around town. There were some… family issues regarding ownership of the house, so it was sold to a different couple when I, uh… moved, but Kath and I bought it after we got out of college. It’s been renovated, but it’s a piece of history.”

“I figured that you were hispanic, but I didn’t want to assume,” David says softly. It feels really nice to learn a little bit more about Jack in such an intimate way. "That-- Sorry, I just... yeah. The house is really cool."

“Ya don't gotta be sorry for wonderin', Davey. I'm Mexican,” Jack clarifies with a grin. “If ya can’t tell by me bein’, y’know, brown. My great grandpa, Francisco- he and his wife, Dorotea, brought their three kids over. My abuela met my abuelo here in Tarrytown and had my ma. My mother’s maiden name was Maria Velásquez, but she married a guy named Daniel Kelly, so that’s where I come in,” Jack explains with a deep chuckle, shaking his head. His smile soon fades, though. “She passed when I was ten, and my dad… He’s gone. My adoptive mom lives in Connecticut now, too, so now it’s just… me.”

“Shit, Jack…” David bites his lip, looking over at him with a concerned expression. He rubs the back of his neck, gulping hard. “If it’s any consolation, I’m glad you were able to get the house. To, y’know, have something of your family. I'm sorry you had it so rough, though.”

“Thanks, Dave,” Jack says with a grin, then shrugs. “And don’t get all down on me now. It’s been eighteen years since that shit went down, so I’m good. Really,” He nods, and there are a few moments of silence that pass before Jack turns to look him in the eyes. “Hey, are you free for a little bit?”

David really should have said no. He really should have avoided being anywhere alone with Jack for a prolonged amount of time, because this was only going to end in heartbreak.

But, then again, David has been through worse.

“I’m all yours.”

#jack kelly #davey jacobs #david jacobs #katherine pulitzer #katherine plumber #newsies musical #newsies #newsies fic #newsies live #livesies #katherine plumber pulitzer #jac writes #tarrytown au

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nerdygaymormon · 4 years ago

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Hi, I was wondering is you have any advice on being a member of the church and being gay.

This is a wide-open question. If you were meeting with me in person, we could talk about this for hours. I can’t write everything I’d like to say, but I hope what I share is useful.

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A person’s sexual orientation is how they experience the world. It’s how you love and how you connect with people. God doesn’t love you despite being gay, God loves you because you are YOU. God knows this about you, He made you. You are gay and you are known & loved by God and He is rooting for you. I hope knowing this will help you get through some of the tough moments of life.

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It’s easy to focus on the negative. There are also positive things, remember those.

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Studies show that, on average, LGBT people are creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence (better at social relationships), have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Does any of that sound like you?

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The church doesn’t yet have the answers for LGBTQ+ people. The current policies, teachings & restrictions were created at a time when they believed people were made gay because of circumstances in their life and could change to be straight.

Disregard any pamphlet or talks or advice from the Church on LGBTQ topics that is more than a few years old. The church leaders are slowly evolving and you don’t need to go back to less enlightened days and read the advice made when their understanding was even more behind than it is today

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One day the church will need to rethink the place of queer people in the Plan of Happiness (currently we are absent). As we are unable to complete the highest goals in our church, you have to figure out what a successful life looks like to you.

In Mormonism we’re so accustomed to “knowing,” but the truth is there is no clear path forward for queer Mormons. It can feel wobbly and scary to not be on sure footing, but you have an opportunity to work out with God what your path forward is. When something feels right, trust that and move forward.

Our pathway is less traveled and not well marked, we will trip and stumble, but we look out for each other.

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Work on becoming more Christlike. Think about what is God doing in the world today and join that work.

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The Atonement of Jesus Christ means He can heal your heart and strengthen you in the hard times.

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God doesn’t wait until we are perfectly ready and up for the challenge, we all have to go out and do our best as we are, learn along the way, adjust and try again. We all make mistakes and it’s okay to start over and try again. It is never too late, too dark or too hopeless.

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Be patient with your progress. You don’t have to understand everything now.

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Get LGBTQ friends. It’s especially helpful if they’re also LDS because they’ll get you in a way no one else will. Online friends count. If you’re in school, perhaps they have a Gay-Straight Alliance. If you’re at a church university, seek out USGA. When I hang out with queer people I feel normal. It’s nice to step out of the heteronormative world which is always saying I don’t fit.

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Allow people to grow and change. Forgive and try not to carry around all the hurtful things.

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Seek therapy when you feel things getting hard. A lot of universities include psychological counseling in your tuition & fees; you can also be referred to LDS Family Services by your bishop, which is covered by some insurance plans. Another option is to check your insurance and find the mental health professionals in your area that are covered. Try contacting the psychology dept at a local university, perhaps they offer some counseling services to non-students.

LGBTQ Mormons face much higher rates of mental illness than the average person, there’s no shame in getting help even when you’re not desperate or suicidal.

Studies show being active in church makes us more likely to have higher rates of depression, internalized homophobia and sexual identity crisis. We also have lower self-esteem and a lower quality of life. Most have the symptoms of PTSD and higher rates of suicidality.

Be aware of these and be proactive in seeking help.

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It is always okay to take a break from church to improve your mental health or if it feels hard. You can always step outside if people say hurtful things (even if they don’t realize how it sounds to you). You’re also welcome to go back whenever you choose.

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When I hear something at church that troubles me. I ask these three questions:

Does that sound like me, do I resemble that remark? (when they’re talking about gay people)

Is this consistent with the God I know?

Does this fit with the great commandment to love one another?

So often I find the things which trouble me fail these questions. It’s also highlighted for me that Mormons often obsess on things that don’t really matter.

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There will be people who can’t see your worth. Don’t let yourself be one of them.

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Have fun, enjoy life. Not everything has to be tough or serious.

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You have claim to two great histories and legacies–LDS & LGBT+. Both the queer community and LDS church, in different ways, teach me about being kind and accepting others.

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I’m putting a lot of links here that I think will be useful resources for you:

This is a TedTalk that speaks about some of the reasons why Nature creates homosexuals, and some of the differences in people who are LGBT compared to the rest of the population.

This is long, but is the best write up I’ve seen about the LDS church’s history on homosexuality while explaining what this is like for gay Mormons

Taylor Petrey is a professor who in this article gives me many things to think about regarding gays & lesbians and Mormonism.

This is a simple to follow explanation of why temple sealings for gay couples makes sense

This is dense, but it’s a listing of all sorts of queer people and relationships in Church history (we’ve been a part of the Church since the beginning)

Affirmation is the oldest organization for LDS/post-LDS LGBTQ+ individuals, family and allies. They have multiple Facebook pages for different situations. If you’re still active in church, a group for you to check out is Affirmation Prepare.

Collection of scriptures useful for queer people to understand - links to many discussions about the meaning of scriptures often used against queer people, includes some hopeful scriptures, too.

Stages of Faith Transitions - Jana Spangler helped me understand the different stages we go through and it helps us understand the faith we have

Biology of Queerness - I summarize a lot of studies done that show biology is what made us queer, not our choices.

Stonewall Inn and the Riots - This is the story of the beginning of the modern queer-rights movement. Because we are raised by straight people, we often don’t know our LGBTQ+ history and this is a good place to start.

The Payne Papers - This is would be considered the beginning of the gay rights movement inside the Church. The truths and arguments presented still stand up over 40 years later.

Queer LDS Heroes of the 2010′s - I think it’s helpful to learn about all these people who helped shape how our church membership has shifted it’s views about LGBTQ people because they were brave enough to come out and share their stories.

My Queer Playlist Part 1 & Part 2 - Listening to these songs can help me feel connected to LGBTQ people even when I am alone.

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Remember G.A.Y.–God Adores You

#queerstake

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graces-of-luck · 3 years ago

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Education (Carnival of Aros, July 2021)

This month's Carnival of Aro is on Education. It was nice to reflect on my experiences in school as an aromantic and the role that education plays in the community.

Word count: 728

Reading time: Approximately 3-4 minutes

Seeing as I’m in my third year of a PhD (and therefore in my 20th year of formal education), education is certainly a fundamental part of my life and daily experience. As an aro, middle and high school were rather alienating at times. I remember one time in orchestra we were told to play like we were in love. Another time in a class, a teacher asked us to raise our hands if we had ever been in love so that he could relate that feeling to the experience of addiction. I felt out of place as my classmates and friends were becoming obsessed with getting a romantic partner. Whenever we had to read books in my literature classes, I dreaded the thought of the mandatory reading containing romance. Sex education was basically non-existent where I grew up, but it was definitely super heteronormative and very abstinence-focused, so of course it was all “when you get married…” I definitely felt different, but at the time, I thought I was simply mature for not going “boy crazy.”

I wish that I would have learned about aromanticism when I was younger as it would have explained a lot and made things clearer earlier on. I first came across the term aromantic in my late teens but there was so little information available that I dismissed it. I then came across asexuality in an elective course I took in college. While I no longer identify with asexuality, it’s what brought me back to aromanticism. I think about how my life might be different if I didn’t take that one random course for fun. I would have found aromanticism eventually, but how much longer would it have taken? I learned a lot in the course in terms of course content but also about myself.

Education doesn’t have to only occur in formal educational settings, however. This is especially true of education on aromantic issues. I’ve been realizing the importance of knowledge and education outside of formal institutions lately. We are all knowledge-makers. There’s a lack of academic research or knowledge on aromanticism, which is a shame. At the same time, the aromantic community has produced so much knowledge through the community. Tumblr was my primary source of learning about aromantic topics. Reading about people’s experiences has been instrumental. It’s great that there are basic informative materials, but being able to see real-life examples as expressed through personal experiences was so helpful because it makes ground informative materials in reality. Information from aro 101 pamphlets are brought to life by the posts of people explaining what their aromanticism means to them. It’s also wonderful how folks will just create surveys. It may not be academic research, but it gives us a lot of important information nonetheless. We are creating our own records and history by posting about our experiences, creating resources and infographics, and conducting community surveys.

There are still many more resources we need. I wish there were more formal educational resources on the societal/systematic impact on aromantics. Learning that it’s society that has issues (read: amatonormativity) rather than me helped me in embracing my aromanticism. Having such resources could be so helpful for someone who is questioning or has newly identified as aromantic. I also think it’s important for helping folks outside the community understand our struggles. We also need more educational resources that are intersectional. Information on the intersection between aspects like neurodivergence or racism and aromanticism are important as they capture the nuances of the lived experiences of many aros.

Inspired by all the education and resources that other aromantic folks create, I’ve also started creating my own educational resources. One I’m really proud of is my “Challenging Amatonormativity” guide, which teaches about amatonormativity and how to unlearn it as it greatly affects aros. I also collaborated with a fellow aro on developing a webinar on aromantic competent care for mental health care providers! We hosted the webinar and have now made a recording in the hopes that it can inform care providers on how to better interact with aromantic clients. I’m not sure what’s next on my list, but I definitely want to continue being involved in education about aro topics.

I'm curious to see what else I will learn from this community and am looking forward to seeing information on aromanticism in formal educational settings as well.

#carnival of aros #aromanticism #aromantic #aro #education #learning #aro experience

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spnfanficpond · 4 years ago

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Pond Diving - Supernatural-Jackles

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Jen

Age: 24

Location: Ontario, Canada

URL: @supernatural-jackles

Why did you choose your URL: I wanted a Supernatural theme for my blog when I started watching it and Jensen Ackles just happens to be my favourite on there so it became that.

What inspired you to become a writer: I’ve always enjoyed stories. I’ve loved the aspect of taking your mind to a whole other world and living in it. As I grew up and continued reading, my love for stories became stronger and stronger. I fell in love with characters and places. I wanted to always have a way to go back to those places and take other people to those places. I wanted to create stories for others to fall in love with the way I fell in love with them.

How long have you been writing: I have been writing since I was 8 or 9.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? Right now, my Nintendo switch is a good friend of mine. Due to the virus, I spend a lot of my time inside when I’m not at work. I’m either writing, working, sleeping or playing switch.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since 2012

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I am in the Harry Potter fandom, and Marvel. I don’t write for them though. I don’t feel the same way about the characters as I do with the SPN Fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I have been working on my novel for the last two years on and off. I just find a lot more joy in writing Supernatural fanfiction at the moment, so my soul focus has stayed on that.

Favorite published author: Margaret Atwood or John Green

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: There was this one book I read. I was about 18 at the time I believe. All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. A very triggering book, just so you know. I remember sitting there reading it and wondering why I’m putting myself through something so draining and daunting. The book was very upsetting and I found it didn’t tackle the issues at hand in a very tasteful and realistic way. As someone who writes fanfiction about mental health, it influenced me to be open and honest about the way reality is, but in a way that would shine more positively towards mental health struggles. I never wanted to be that person who ruined every mental health book for someone else like that author did for me. It was a negative impact, but I think it had some positive results.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I enjoy all genres to be honest. It really all depends on the mood I’m in that day. It’s fun to switch it up every once in a while and enjoy the mixed emotions you get when you read or write said genre.

Favorite piece of your own writing: One and One Make Three or Just Want to Be Loved.

Most underrated fic you have written: I might have to say More Than a Fling. It was the sequel to Summer Fling and everyone was interested in a second series. It soon went on permanent hiatus due to lack of interest.

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Owe You One

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @kaz-2y5imagines, @jawritter @mariekoukie6661, @torn-and-frayed

Favorite fic from another writer: Breathe by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Favorite character to write: Dean/Jensen

Favorite Pairing to write: Undecided. I love reader inserts and I haven’t done many pairings other than that. I have toyed with Jensen/Reader/Danneel before and I enjoy writing them.

Least favorite character to write (and why): Castiel. We only see so much of Cas and there aren’t as many complex layers of him so he’s harder for me to explore.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? @luci-in-trenchcoats

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? Finish everything I start, and be proud of every piece I create.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Ummm probably upwards to the mid 60’s I want to say.

What are you currently working on? I am in the very early stages of writing a Jensen x Reader Bodyguard AU series. Twisty and turny and very different from what I usually write, but still very me.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? I have the biggest influence on my writing for the most part. I always stick with what I want to write and what I’d love to read. That’s what gets me started on most pieces. My dear best friend who shall remain anonymous, has an influence on me as well. She mostly inspires me to write what I want to write and reminds me on a constant basis that I am doing good and to keep going with my ideas.

Best writing advice you've been given: Don’t be afraid to get a little out of your comfort zone.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Time management mostly. Deadlines are not my best friend, that’s for sure. I am often filled with a lot of self-doubt when it comes to getting things done on time. Then I wonder if it’s good enough for publishing or if I should wait.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? The research process for certain fics can be daunting. Especially if you don’t know where you need to start looking. Then fact checking, and making sure it works in the story. I have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I am pretty open with writing most of the things I want to. Getting out of my comfort zone is something I regularly do. It’s always fun to challenge yourself into writing something you’d never think of doing. I certainly have enjoyed the things I was scared to try and it was worth it in the end.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Any selfie/picture posted by Jensen. My best friend and the lovely people around me. @luci-in-trenchcoats is a big influence on me and she always keeps me going!

How do you deal with self doubt: I constantly have to remind myself to get out of that headspace unless I am writing about being in that headspace. It’s a hard cycle to break. Reminding myself that what I am doing is making me happy. I’m making the rules. I’m writing this for me. I have to please myself first and that’s what matters the most. I know myself and the way I write, and that is enough. That’s what I keep on repeat in my head.

How do you deal with writer's block: Cry profusely? I’m kidding. Writer’s block for me, usually comes from something I don’t like that I have written. If it’s minor, I go back to the point where I was happy with where the story was going and delete everything after that. Give it a fresh new start and prospective. If the block is more severe, I take a break. Watch a movie and don’t stress myself about it. I get ideas anywhere, and it will come back eventually. Sometimes it’s just your brain's way of saying “hey, you need to take a break. Do that.”

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Generally yes. I like to know where my story is going. Most of the time my outlines are more extensive rough drafts. It’s a way of processing my thoughts and writing them down so I don’t forget later. It’s a lot more fun for me to build on stories.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I either have to sit in a silent room, or I have to listen to music. Lately it’s been more silent. It depends on the subject.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I’ve received my share of hateful comments. Each one sucks, I’m not going to lie. Knowing that there is someone out there that hates the way you wrote something so much that they had to tell you isn’t nice. It kind of comes back to the self doubt thing. You have to remind yourself that this is one person’s not so kind opinion. You are the writer, you are in control of this story. This is you and you’re proud of this.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? Any feedback is my favourite feedback. Every heart, every “I love this”. Every “You’re my favourite.” I can’t pick a favourite. If someone can take the time out to say they’ve loved something I have written and that it meant a lot to them, then that's the best reward I can get.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Keep writing everyday! You don’t see it now but the more you write, the better you get.

#pond diving #pond diving: supernatural-jackles #spnfanficpond

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