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hansolmates · 4 years

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jjk; angel’s trumpet [05]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 4.7k a/n; can u believe this fic is already over halfway done??? i feel more loved and supported for angel’s trumpet w each chapter! i hope u enjoy a more fluffier chapter and some insight on the separate relationships. thank u for the support!

[04] [05] [06] -> masterpost

Bliss. It’s been so long since you’ve experienced this feeling.

These past few weeks have been nothing short of wonderful, like the sweetest version of reality. Working as a language teacher at BigHit was wonderful because of the staff and the fact that in the long run, your job would be helping the rookies get to know their fans better all over the world. But your job was also incredibly strenuous, and you felt an immense amount of pressure from the higher ups to teach the rookies as much as you could in between their other lessons and training. You remember the early days you’d be crying in the bathroom, scared of their exam scores because you knew it wasn’t possible to learn a language in less than a year, but the higher ups wanted you to achieve the impossible.

But now, teaching is like a breath of fresh air. You found it appropriate to reabsorb your classes, and you’re still getting used to the sudden heavy workload. Namjoon was over the moon when you returned to your regular office in the biology department, treating you to coffee and catching you up on what you missed. Chan almost cried when he saw you Monday morning sitting in your lecture hall, saying his grade will finally be salvaged.

However, the cherry on top has to be your budding romance with Jungkook.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re still swimming in the honeymoon phase, but everything just felt right. Of course, you can only hope your W2 self was already going to interact with Jungkook in one way or another, just like you had in your world. As of late you don’t feel like you're tearing this universe apart, worrying that you’re interfering in an alternate universe.

A buzzing interrupts your thoughts, and you pat around your mattress for your cellphone. You don’t hesitate to answer.

“Good morning, baby,” Jungkook’s rumbly morning voice flits through your speakers.

You swoon, shuffling and kicking under your covers. A little part of you is disgusted how easy it is to turn to butter in Jungkook’s grasp, but it’s unsurprising. “Hey handsome,” you reply, trying to hide your giddiness.

“How do you know I look handsome? My breath smells like leftover mac n’cheese and there’s dried drool on my chin.”

“Mm, still handsome.”

“Ugh, you’re so gross,” but you can hear him smiling on the other line. “Do you have any plans for today?”

“Dunno.”

“Well there’s this new bubble tea cafe I know you’d like so maybe during my lunch we can--”

The rest of the words fade away as you notice an incessant banging on your front door. Whoever wants to come in is far too eager for this early.

It’s then your calendar notification pings, and you see the big fat message atop your phone:

Hobi Date 🍷🍷🍷

“Oh shit—” you smack your forehead, you completely forgot today’s the day you would find Sehlyung’s wine lady. “I’ll call you later Kook, okay?”

You end your call, throwing your phone on the bed as you dash out to answer. Taehyung is yelling from the kitchenette, “I’m trying to eat some damn salad here!” By the time you slide out in your socks and down the hall, Hoseok is already inside your humble abode, holding coffee and donuts.

“I brought libations,” Hoseok says with a bit of flair, setting them down next to Taehyung’s breakfast.

“Thanks man,” and Taehyung makes grabby hands towards Hoseok’s coffee, and Hoseok looks horrified before snatching it away. “C’mon man, no coffee no entry!”

“Taehyung, this is Hoseok,” you introduce, opening the box of donuts and offering Taehyung one in truce. You look pointedly towards Hoseok, sipping idly on his coffee, “Hobi, why don’t you wait in my room before we go, okay?”

Hoseok tilts his head, eyes darting between Taehyung and you. It’s almost comical, the way Taehyung’s early-morning brain is having a hard time processing what was going on, and you wanting to keep a lid on the situation. “Sure, mom,” he slurps obnoxiously on his americano, waltzing down the hallway and into your room. He slams the door rather sharply, and that’s when Taehyung pounces.

“Who’s the hippie?”

“Hippie?” you balk, “Hoseok’s not a hippie.”

Taehyung shrugs, shoving a powdered donut in his mouth and completely forgetting about the limp lettuce on his plate. So much for a balanced breakfast. “I know all your friends, but I’ve never met this one.”

“He’s new,” you take your pick of donuts as well, picking up a vanilla glazed one with rainbow sprinkles, “we’re gonna go shopping.”

“Oo, can I come?”

“No,” you say a little too quickly, causing Taehyung’s eyes to widen in confusion. You quickly backtrack, even going as far as to grab a napkin and dab the powdered sugar from Taehyung’s cheeks, “it’s old people shopping. We’re sending ginseng wine to our families. No brand names there.”

Taehyung immediately buys it, scrunching his nose. “Not my favorite,” he says to himself. “Well, have fun doing old people things. Maybe Jimin will be willing to do something cool with me.”

And with that, he abandons the limp lettuce with a flick of his wrist, letting them out your windowsill and into your little garden for compost. You two make your separate ways, you into your room and Taehyung into the bathroom.

When you open your door, you already see Hoseok making himself comfortable on your bed, flipping through your notebook.

“You really shouldn’t be leaving this out on your desk,” Hoseok waves the yellow pages around, trying to look serious, “Taehyung could read this and you might end up in the cuckoo house.”

With a roll of your eyes, you search for a sweater, “As if he wouldn’t join me.”

You pull out a large black hoodie, courtesy of Jungkook. Trying not to look like a smitten high schooler, you subtly smell the collar before slipping it over your body. You melt in the fabric, and you almost hug yourself. Since your time at BigHit, you’ve missed wearing Jungkook’s things, and that’s a constant you can’t ignore.

“If you end up in the cuckoo house, I’ll end up there too by affiliation,” he flops on your bed, waiting for you to get ready, “so, we gonna nab an old lady today for some wine?”

“Ohmygod. What is wrong with you? You can’t say it like that, someone could report you!” you laugh, slapping him with a long sleeve.

“So it’s more appropriate to say, ‘let’s go find the lady’s coked up wine that could’ve potentially sent you to an alternate universe’ right?”

“Exactly,” you grin, pulling him up with an outstretched hand, “now let’s get going before we both end up in the cuckoo house.”

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Jungkook thought bliss ended once he got a good filming gig and a stable job, but no, it just had to get better.

He doesn’t want to say he’s all consumed by your presence, but he can’t get enough of you. Sometimes he has to reel it in when you go out on dates, but he feels so lucky to call you his and hold you in his arms whenever he wants.

You dropped into his life, quite literally. One day you just showed up and barged into his life. At first it scared him, immensely. But as he got to know you, wear you down and realize that the strong, blunt woman he met on the street is just as kind and sweet and soft–

The bottom line is, Jungkook wears his heart on his sleeve and loves loudly. He feels so much for you he can’t contain it.

Except when Jimin wants to embarrass the hell out of you when they’re going over old pictures during work.

“Can I tell you a story about how y/n almost peed in that fountain?” Jimin points to the small thumbnail Jungkook took earlier last week. You’re perched on a large limestone fountain, smiling at the little fish tickling the sides of the bowl.

Taehyung gwaffs, choking on his sandwich. “God, that night was incredible! I got the Snapchat receipts too, Kook. If you want to second guess your standards.”

A loud laugh bubbles from his throat, and Jungkook eagerly leans over Taehyung’s shoulder to get a better look at the screen.

He likes your friends, too. To the point that he can safely consider them his friends. Of course he was intimidated the first time, especially when you were so pretty in your red skirt and surrounded by your equally attractive friends, but turns out Taehyung and Jimin are equally dopey and cringey as he.

As silly as you look crouched over the water and pulling up your skirt, he melts at how carefree you look enjoying yourself on a free night. Jimin is hauling you off the ledge, grabbing you by the waist as you fruitlessly try to kick him away.

“Careful,” Jimin tuts, sipping at his latte. “She’s gonna kill you if she finds out you showed it to Kook.”

Taehyung scoffs, stuffing his phone away. “She looked like she was gonna kill me today when she brought that friend over. They were acting really weird,” Taehyung points his kimchi in Jungkook’s nose, “do you know Hoseok?”

Jungkook blinks, opting to take a bite off Taehyung’s fork, “Kinda,” he shrugs, letting the tang of the kimchi spread across his tongue, “she has office hours when he’s working at the library daycare. They have lunch together.”

Jimin leans in, hands fold over the white cafeteria table like he’s in the mafia, “What do you mean by weird, Tae?”

“Like, she wanted him to wait in his room and they kinda just snuck out, y’know?” Taehyung divulges, “Like I love y/n, she the home girl, but who’s secretive about buying ginseng?”

Jungkook’s chewing slows. He trusts you, however, he doesn’t know what to make of that little tidbit. But instead he swallows his kimchi, not caring that he didn’t chew enough or that it went down uncomfortably, and steels himself. “Probably just stressed about her thesis or something, I’m sure everything’s fine.” he says smoothly, trying to convince himself that he’s right, and he’s pretty sure he is.

“Awh, Jungkookie’s so mature since he’s started dating!” Jimin paws all over the younger one like they’re long lost siblings. His hands travel to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair simultaneously, cooing like Jungkook’s a little bunny who’s merely existing.

There’s a blush staining Jungkook’s cheeks, but he doesn’t mind Jimin’s bouts of attention. A small smile blooms to Jungkook’s face, and confirms to himself that he’s in a good spot in his life.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“So, what are you and Jungkook like?”

You shrug, “We’re good. It’s only been a few weeks though.”

“No, I meant your Jungkook.”

By definition, your Jungkook isn’t necessarily yours. However, the term is the byproduct of your current setting, and an unfortunate reminder that the Jungkook you’re dating now can never be definitively yours.

(Or…? Can it?)

“We were,” since when did you refer to you in and him in a past tense, “kind of a slow-burn, actually. We’d pass each other in the hall and exchange conversation during lunch in groups but, he kind of just crept up on me.”

The train is going at a break-neck speed, the fancy rail floating across the track as it beams you closer and closer to your destination. Gone are the concrete jungles and carefully architected trees. You’re finally starting to see some natural foliage and blue seas. Today’s journey is a bit of a shot in the dark, you don’t even know what the person you’re searching for looks like, but it’s the only clear lead you have.

“So you didn’t always know you loved him?” Hoseok asks, fiddling with the wire of his buds.

You shrug, “I had a feeling. He’s an easy guy to fall in love with,” you don’t want to mention that nearly half the world is smitten by the Golden Boy, but from the bittersweet expression on your face Hoseok has an inkling. “There’s just a lot of factors that come with relationships. Factors that aren’t worth it. It’s easy here.”

“It would be easy,” Hoseok replies to the air, closing his eyes.

And he’s right. It would be easy to continue on with life, forgetting about the possibility that one day you could wake up in W1. It would be easy to forget about your other life, Beomgyu’s forgotten quiz that’s still probably lit up in your MacBook back home, Sehlyung’s wish for you to approve Jin’s new outfit.

You wonder how your life back home is going, whether they’re moving on just like you seem to be.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

You really have no idea what Sehlyung’s wine dealer looks like. Work friends are work friends, where you’re close enough to share sexy secrets to each other but not as close as to divulge family life.

You know that Sehlyung lives in a small town closer to the shore, as she’s mentioned one too many times that her feet are baby smooth from the constant sand exfoliation. You’re vaguely aware that this is the right area, at least you hope because W2 Sehlyung could be living in Guam for all you know.

Passing by the village square, you search idly for an old lady selling ginseng wine. You didn’t realize how much a shot in the dark this could possibly be.

“Hey,” Hoseok whisper-hisses, and you try not to ignore the spit that brushes your ear, “you said to look for an old lady, right? All these ladies. They’re old.”

He’s right.

The village may be small, but there were over fifty booths with plenty of old ladies selling something. It would take hours, you didn’t even know if this lady would still be selling ginseng in this life.

Your hands fall limp at your thighs, and you point to a small house at the end of the square. It’s cute, almost cottage-like, looking more high-end than the other shops on the street. “Maybe we should eat something before we do some searching. Otherwise someone’s gonna have to scrape us off the street.”

“Good idea.”

Surprisingly, the interior of the establishment is nothing like the front. There’s a very authentic quirkiness to it, down to the colorful blown glass vases and the eclectic amount of alcohol lining the bar.

Not feeling like waiting for a table, the two of you wait by the bar, hopping on the two available stools in the corner.

The two of you don’t waste any time, telling the waiter passing by that both of you would like a heaping bowl of glass noodles.

“Care for a glass of something sweet?”

Looking up from their dessert menu, you see an older lady leaning over you to pour you and Hoseok a cup of tea. She’s the definition of a chill grandma, from the easy way she smiles to the colorful hoop earrings she wears. You watch as she carefully pours you a cup for you, and you get a glimpse of the beautifully painted ceramic teapot, adorned with watercolor flowers.

“If you have some angel wine,” you lick your lips, looking straight at her, “that would be lovely.”

There’s no hesitation in her work, and the lady continues to pour Hoseok’s cup with impeccable grace. She doesn’t bat a lash at your slight jab, even goes so far as to send you a crinkly smile.

“Fresh out, m’fraid,” she replies easily, “sold my last batch to a lovely blonde over a month ago.”

You swallow your surprise, the bile coming up your throat returning slow and achingly hard. Hoseok’s eyes dart between you and the old lady, and you clench your hands under the table. “Thought so,” you smile tersely, “then, do you have any recommendations?”

Hoseok noisily slurps tea, as if he’s watching a melodrama. The old lady nods eagerly, placing her ceramic mug on a nearby potholder. “I’ll whip up something extra special.”

It isn’t until the old lady whisks away from the bar and into the bathroom does Hoseok blurt, “Is the special thing drugs? Is she giving us drugs?”

“Who knows,” you thank the waiter who sets down two metal bowls of glass noodles in front of you, “maybe the next drink will send us to the moon.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Hoseok grimaces, “my fuckin’ dream is to visit the moon.”

As you two eat in silence, the restaurant slowly dwindles down as the lunch rush leaves and the start of dinner commences. Being a weekday, there aren't many coming down to eat out. You let yourself be immersed in the hubbub of the cottage, the clinking of clean tea cups and the laughter of staff sitting in the corner table.

The lady finally returns when you’re nearly done with your meal. There’s a tall frozen glass in her hand, ice particles clinging to the barrier. There’s an umbrella and a pineapple adorning the rim, looking uncharacteristically bright and tropical. She places it next to Hoseok’s tea.

He narrows his eyes, “This doesn’t have LSD or anything, right?”

She laughs, the hearty sound enveloping the restaurant. “Nope. Just passionfruit and mango.”

Hoseok easily takes her word for it, sipping happily as it washes down his dinner.

“For me?” you pop in.

“Ah, some advice.”

You shrink in your seat, “I want a fruit smoothie too.”

But you relent when she opens her palms to you, gesturing for you to give her yours. They feel calloused and worn, as if she’s spent lifetimes dedicating her life to her craft. She rubs her thumbs against your palm, sending soothing circles to your skin.

“Enjoy your time as it lasts,” she says, quiet enough for only you two to hear, “things will fall into place very soon.”

She senses you tense, and continues to hold you. You can’t tell whether this advice is foreboding or comforting.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“I know what you're thinking,” Hoseok says when you return to Seoul, walking in the direction of your apartment.

“And what exactly am I thinking, o’ wise one?” you kick a stray pepple your way, getting in a groove as you walk lazily down the sidewalk.

“Her words,” he mumbles, “I don’t think it’s an invitation for you to get too comfortable here. Eventually… you’re gonna have to go back.”

“I know, Hoseok.” You don’t mean to sound so agitated. After all, the mission was mostly successful. You got your answers, albeit vague ones. The old lady in the cottage simultaneously sparked and eased your soul, unfortunately it didn’t give you any definitive direction as to go on with this life, other than to simply “enjoy it.”

“I know we’ve been debating whether you’re hallucinating or whether you’re in a coma and you’re having a really long dream or some weird mix of the two—” Hoseok jogs up to stop in-front of you, stuffing his hands in his orange cargos. He’s standing directly behind a 7-Eleven, the gaudy green and red lights lighting behind him like a halo.“And trust me, I’ve spent hours in bed thinking whether I’m real or not and potentially reaching an existential midlife crisis,” he grabs your hand and presses it to your chest, his other hand flailing wildly to the sky, “but this is real. All of it, I’m convinced it’s real. I’ve lived a long, slow, twenty-something life so far.”

He pulls you into his arms, and you suppress a shudder as his warm embrace envelopes you. Is this some sort of punishment? For the first time in a long time, you’ve felt content. Not to say that your life in your world wasn’t normal but you could honestly admit that the time you’ve spent here is nothing short of amazing. There’s an ease to this life, something so simple and easy to love that you want to keep it in your heart and cherish it forever.

“But ‘m gonna miss you,” you sigh into his chest, “we aren’t very close back in my world, y’know. So I’m glad I got to spend the time that I could with you.”

“S’okay,” he mumbles into your hair, and you can feel the smile in your skin, “if we’re really meant to be friends, it’ll happen again.”

Hoseok leaves you with these words, allowing you to breathe easy as you make the steps back to your apartment. Your feet are heavy from the day’s trek, but your mind feels lighter as you near your floor.

You spot a young man in a long jacket hanging a bag on your doorknob, taking great care that the contents inside wouldn’t spill.

“Jungkook?” you ask, smile widening when his gaze perks up to meet yours. It’s almost comical how he reacts to your voice, perking up like a little rabbit at the sound.

His smile grows the closer you get to him, “Hey, pretty girl,” he murmurs, closing the space between you to press a chaste kiss on your cheek, “great timing. I got you something.”

Your eyes dart to the cup of bubble tea hanging on your doorknob. The cup is adorable, pink-tinted and rounded at the bottom with little cat ears for the lid.

“Oh, you went! How was it?”

“It was great! We should go once you’re free. Taehyung ordered three cups! Nearly puked all over Jimin’s couch.”

“So,” your fingers trail up the buttons of his shirt, and you look up through your lashes, “you’re implying that my roommate isn’t inside our apartment right now.”

He leans in, nose nudging your neck as his voice rumbles against your sensitive skin, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

You’ve never punched in your key faster, clutching the bubble tea bag to place it along the counter as the two of you clamber in. Instead of making it to your bedroom or living room, Jungkook traps your body between the doorway, cradling your face in both his hands to press a sweet kiss on your lips.

There’s nowhere to put your hands because both of Jungkook’s are up, so you close your eyes and let yourself savor the slow taste of his lips moving against yours. Finally you decide to settle your hands on his belt buckle, absentmindedly thumbing the loops as you get lost in the feeling.

“Mm, Kook? Koo—” he presses quick pecks to your lips, barely giving you a chance to forge complete sentences, “can we move this somewhere more comfortable? ‘M legs are turning to jelly.”

“Glad to have that effect on you,” he replies airily, thumbs pressing into your soft skin, “but I actually have to go, so no time to get comfy.” You whine against his lips, and he chuckles. “I have a cohort meeting at 8AM. We’re gonna organize our portfolios together.”

“Nerd,” you pout, pressing a kiss to his chin.

“And me and Mingyu are meeting online for some Overwatch in like, two hours.”

“Gamer nerd,”

“Your nerd,” he beams, his thumb reaching out to swipe the sheen from your swollen lips, “lemme plan date night to make it up to you. Minghao will be out of town for the weekend so it’ll just be me at the apartment.”

Date night. It all sounds so domestic to you, planning out designated days to spend time together. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the fact that Jungkook sounds so settled with you is nothing short of heartening.

“I’ll make dinner,” his fingers twine between yours, “and we’re keeping the dress code super casual. I want to see you in nothing but sweatpants and oversized t-shirts.”

“But sweatpants aren’t sexy!”

“They are on you,” he retorts with a wiggle of his brows, “and sweatpants are easy access.”

“Alright, as long as you don’t upstage me.”

“Never,” he grins, pearly whites on display, “now, I really gotta go.”

He unlatches your body from his, only to have you immediately jump on him like a koala. You feel his large hands caressing your hair, taking the time to run his fingers through the tangles. You could fall asleep standing in the middle of your doorway, melting under his touch.

“Good night, baby.” he says, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“Sweet dreams, nerd.” you reply reluctantly, letting him open the door so he can go.

“Dream of me!” is the last thing he says before he forces you to shut the door, leaving you thoroughly needy and wanting for him.

Tonight, you dream long.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Seven months ago, W1

You’re crying. There’s big, fat, ugly tears falling in rivulets along your face. You don’t even bother to wipe away the tears, just let them flow freely and dampen your pants as you watch the group take their final bow.

From your seat, you take in the energy of the concert like it’s your last breath. The purple confetti dusting your hair, the slow remix blasting through the speakers. The sea of stars swimming across the stadium, all for them.

You wait until everybody’s long gone before you get up from your seat. Until the only people that surround you are staff and clean-up crew, forcing you to leave. Your face still feels achy and your cheeks puffy. Sehlyung is urgently texting you (quadruple texting!) to hurry your ass up and get to the green room so you can all leave together.

A hand on your shoulder stops you from replying, and you wave them off. “Yeah, yeah. I’m leaving already, sorry.”

“Rude, I just got here.”

Jungkook is glowing. He hoists his whole body to plop himself in the seat next to you, so heavy you fear he may break the plastic in two. His arms splay across the other seats, urging you to lean in closer.

“Jungkook,” you smile, resting your hand on his thigh. “The show was great, I really felt the energy from all the way back here.”

“I can see that,” he tugs at his long sleeves, reaching to brush a stray tear, “you okay?”

“What, yeah.” you scoff, crossing your arms.

“So you weren’t moved by my impeccable talent?”

“Obviously,”

“Because, there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you were crying,” he goes on playfully, using his hands to narrate his spiel as he talks out to the stage, “I mean I get it, knowing how much I slaved over that solo and finally getting to perform it, and how I got sick the night before is a pretty–oh shit.”

You’re blubbering again, feverish now that everyone’s gone and it’s only you two in the stadium. The lights have already started to go out, the only light illuminating are the red exit signs and the last pair of doors leading to the main lobby. Your cries are echoing across the large room, and you feel nothing short of embarrassed but you can’t stop crying.

“Awh, my little crybaby,” he cooes, dripping with affection as he moves the armrest to pull you onto his lap. You dive your face in his neck, wracking with sobs.

“I’m, I’m just so proud of you,” you seep out, nuzzling your nose between his freshly cleaned face, “and you—you make it so damn hard for me to not love you it’s just, it’s not fair!”

“You don’t make it any easier on me either,” he whispers, soft enough to crumble under his grasp and melt under his skin.

The confessions are so soft, so easy to say. Little did the both of you know how much it would strain for you to place this love on the backburner.

#jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #goldenclosetnet #bts fic #bts scenarios #jeon jungkook #koo #unedited so i wont be offended if u message me and tell me theres a mistake #im welcome to it bc im kinda in a rush but i wanted to get it out sooner than later #im running to get my first tattoo appt :)#bye bubbies

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kuiperblog · 4 years

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Feel-good “bad ends”

Movie protagonists are often breaking the rules. This is true even when our protagonists are on the right side of the law: after all, nobody’s perfect. (And if they were, we probably wouldn’t like them as much: after all, it’s hard for a character to have a “growth arc” if they start from a place of perfection. And making occasional mistakes reminds us that, just like us, they’re only human: they’re more relatable.)

But when our protagonists break the rules, it often leads toward one of two different endings: either they get caught and punished for their transgressions (which can make for a feelbad ending), or they get away with it scot-free. Most movies opt for the latter, but it can often feel unsatisfying, because there’s a real sense in which we want to see our protagonists reap the consequences of their actions.

Usually, it’s not a problem for them to suffer the consequences if their transgression is minor. For example, if the main character says something mean to his love interest, he can get a slap in the face -- and having paid for his transgressions, he can then immediately be rewarded with whatever feel-good conclusion the audience is in the mood for.

However, sometimes the protagonist’s transgressions are more dire, and demand more dire consequences. Recently, I’ve found two movies that manage to end with something that is, in an objective sense, a very bad outcome for the main characters, and exactly in proportion to what they deserve for their significant transgressions during the film, yet still allows for a “feel-good” ending. Naming those examples would by itself probably be a spoiler, so...spoilers for an Edgar Wright movie and a Pixar movie (and a Rocky movie) below the fold.

Heist movies are the classic example of a movie formula where the protagonists break a ton of rules and, in the case of a feelgood ending, basically can’t suffer any consequences. Either they get caught and it’s a moral aesop about how crime doesn’t pay, or they get away with it and we’re happy that our characters, who are really quite morally virtuous apart from their tendency to commit acts of robbery, are able to enjoy the spoils they’ve absconded with.

Baby Driver is a movie that I think strikes the perfect balance. In the end, our main character Baby doesn’t get away with his crimes. He’s committed a lot of crimes, and been involved in a lot of robberies. And not the non-violent kind, either!

At the same time, Baby was always “one of the good ones.” He was never the guy who held the gun; he was always the one behind the wheel. In fact, for basically his entire criminal career, he was blackmailed into it. Of course, the lazy method would be for the judge to have pity on him -- he was forced to commit crimes! But that would be ignoring the fact that the entire reason he got blackmailed in the first place is that he happened to steal a car from a criminal kingpin -- Baby was boosting cars well before a villain put a gun to his head and forced him to do it.

But as we see Baby marched to his prison cell, it’s intercut with testimony during his trial. Everything that we could have said in Baby’s defense is articulated by witnesses speaking in his defense:

“He got himself into a bad spot. I was just trying to get him out. I believe the defendant is of good character. He didn't deserve what happened to him.”

“It was the strangest thing. Before he drove off, he threw my purse right at me. Then he actually said ‘I'm sorry.’” (A delightful callback to a comedic moment earlier in the movie: Baby might resort to carjacking when he’s in a pinch, but he is the most polite carjacker you will ever meet. He doesn’t need your valuables; he just needs a getaway vehicle.)

“He made a mistake when he was younger, and it's haunted him ever since. When he tried to get out, he was pressured even harder. It was never his fault. He's got a good heart. Always has. Always will.”

Maybe it’s the fact that Sky Ferreira’s cover of Lionel Richie’s “Easy Like Sunday Morning” is the musical bed for this scene, but there’s something about the scene that feels incredibly cathartic. Baby Driver might be our protagonist, but he’s not innocent in all of this. His actions have consequences, and he gets sentenced to prison time for them.

At the same time, we’re left with the distinct impression that he has a life waiting for him on the outside. At the very least, Deborah is there waiting for him.

We can rest assured that Baby has no desire to return to a life of crime -- he and Deborah will be content with a modest life together. Indeed, a “modest life” is never something that either of them would need to settle for. Having a quiet simple life has been their aspiration for as long as they’ve known each other. Baby ends the movie knowing that he has years of prison time ahead of him, but also knowing that he’s on the start of a path to redemption. It’s enough to put a skip in his step as he walks across the prison yard. (Well, maybe not a literal skip in his step, but at the very least, it’s written on his face: he feels good about the path he’s on.)

Baby Driver came out in 2017, but I’ve already lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. I think the ending is a big part of what keeps me coming back to it. I love this ending -- there’s really nothing like the catharsis of seeing Baby held to account for his actions, while also having his virtues acknowledged. Those virtues might not be enough for him to avoid punishment, but in a way, his virtue its its own reward. It’s a heist movie that ends with the main character getting caught and spending years behind bars, and yet it’s an incredibly feelgood ending that just leaves you satisfied for all the right reasons. (After all, we’ve seen the fate of Baby’s confederates: we know that he could have encountered fates much worse than prison.) There’s really nothing like it.

Well, almost nothing. Last night I finally got around to watching Monsters University.

It’s a fun movie -- the central plot is the classic “underdog sports story.” Mike Wazowski has no talent for scaring -- according to the bigshot jock voiced by Nathan Fillion, the only way someone like Mike could end up working at a place like Monsters Inc is in the mailroom. Of course, because this is a prequel, we know that Mike’s story ends with him and Sulley being best buds together working at the Monsters Inc scream factory, so the odds can’t be that stacked against them, right? After all, the stakes are too high for them to fail: besides the fact that they need to be ready for the events of Monsters Inc, Mike is able to parley for a chance to get into the university’s scare program only because he makes an agreement with the Dean that if he fails, he’ll leave the school. With stakes that high, it seems only inevitable that Mike and Sulley will fulfill the classic underdog trope and lead a team of lovable losers to victory through sheer force of will (and the power of friendship).

Except, as we find out, force of will and the power of friendship aren’t enough to win you the big game when the thing you’re being tested on is talent and athleticism. Mike gets to experience the triumph of victory...but quickly learns that it only happened because Sulley cheated.

Mike and Sulley both bit off more than they could chew, and made a number of poor choices along the way. Sulley, unable to accept loss, cheated to achieve victory. Mike, unable to cope with experiencing loss, breaks into the university’s door department to mope around in the human world -- which is strictly verboten and extremely dangerous.

But...in the course of solving the problem that they’ve created themselves (combining their efforts to escape the human world by using scare techniques the likes of which have never been seen before), we learn that Mike and Sulley do have what it takes. The Dean recognizes it, too. It almost feels like she’s about to offer them leniency. After all, this is a prequel movie: we know that all of this has to end with Mike and Sulley working at Monsters Inc in the scare department, right? That means the Dean has to let them back into the university’s scare program! Surely their acts of daring and bravery show they have what it takes to make it in the Monsters University scare program!

And so it comes as no surprise when, at the end of the third act, the Dean comes out just as they’re about to depart. We see what looks like a smile on her face for the first time in the movie.

Except, of course, it would be crazy if they got off scot-free. Mike broke into the human world, which is about the worst possible thing a monster can do. And if the cheating scandal weren’t enough to sink Sulley, there’s also the fact that he followed Mike into the human world (his intentions were noble as he wanted to save his friend, but still extremely dangerous and just as verboten).

The Dean has nothing but kind things to say to them. But that doesn’t mean she’s going to rescue them from the consequences of their actions.

The two get no leniency. We feel an odd mixture of elation and defeat. On one hand, they got the validation that they craved: the Dean, who thought it was impossible for Mike Wazowski to ever be a scarer, now admits that she may have misjudged him. On the other hand, their lives are ruined. They must now reap what they have sown. What will become of their dreams now? And maybe more importantly, how the heck are we supposed to get from here to the events of the original movie that takes place several years later in the Monsters Inc chronology?

And then, Mike remembers something.

“You know, there is still one way we can work at a scare company. They’re always hiring in the mail room.”

Mike and Sulley start at the absolute bottom rung of the corporate ladder. But there are worse fates than doing blue collar work. After all, the entire theme of the underdog sports story that got us to this point was to show that Mike (and, with Mike’s encouragement, also Sulley) are the kind of monsters who will do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams, simply willing it to happen through sheer enthusiasm and force of will and, of course, the power of friendship. After all, anything can be fun when you’re doing it with your friends. As Sulley says, “This is better than I ever imagined!” They approach the job with an enthusiasm that tells us that they’re on their way up within this company.

The rest of their journey is shown to us in montage:

They’ve got that ambition, baby. This week they’re mopping floors, next week it’s the fries:

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before the company holds “try-outs” for the scare team, and from there, the rest is history. Plus, if the original movie is fresh enough in your mind, you’ll appreciate the easter egg references to the girlfriend that Mike met during this time (and the constant beratement he constantly got over needing to file his paperwork):

Over the course of the movie, they made some good decisions -- mostly the ones relating to the power of friendship and hard work. They also made some bad decisions -- mostly relating to playing fast-and-loose with the rules of their institution. Their college careers come to an unceremonious end.

And yet, even though the movie ends with them getting kicked out of college and spending “the best years of their lives” working blue collar jobs, it feels like an undeniably happy ending for the two of them. They reap exactly what they sow -- for worse, and for better. They don’t get to hide from the consequences of their actions...but that doesn’t mean things have to end on a dour note.

There’s something I really dig about that. It feels exactly like the first Rocky movie: Rocky is an athlete who trained and tried and fought as hard as he could -- and still lost. And yet, though he lost the big boxing match, there’s dignity in his loss. And in the end, he succeeded at the thing that really mattered.

In all three of these movies, it feels as though we as the audience are being set up for a specific happy ending. Of course Baby Driver has to end with the getaway driver getting away. Of course Monsters University has to end with Mike and Sulley graduating from the scare program. Of course Rocky has to end with our main character winning the big climactic boxing match. But in the end, we don’t get these “obvious” endings, because getting them wouldn’t really be a reflection of everything that led up to that point. And yet, we don’t walk away disappointed, because we somehow get something better. These characters may not get the “obvious” reward, the thing that they thought they wanted (and the thing that we, as the audience, thought that we wanted). But they get the things that really matter.

#movies #edgar wright #pixar

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passionate-reply · 3 years

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This week on Great Albums: a Great Album that your average rock critic would actually agree with me about! Find out how Kate Bush got her groove back with her fifth LP, Hounds of Love, and whether she ever came down from that hill. Full transcript below the break!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Ever since I first conceived the idea of Great Albums, I’ve always intended it to reflect nothing other than my own personal “canon”--not necessarily a list of albums that were influential, successful, or acclaimed by anybody’s standards but my own. But in this installment, I’m making a somewhat uncharacteristic move, and diving into an album that really doesn’t need me to advocate for it: Hounds of Love, by Kate Bush, often considered Bush’s greatest masterpiece--if not one of the greatest albums of all time.

Released in 1985, Hounds of Love was Bush’s fifth studio LP. Her career had started off surprisingly strong in 1977, with the release of her debut single “Wuthering Heights,” written when Bush was only 19 years old. With a high-concept theme, based around the titular novel by Emily Brontë, it would set the template for much of Bush’s subsequent career: irreverently eccentric, high-concept art-pop with the intensely personal passion of a singular singer-songwriter. But just how much patience for that sort of thing does the general public have, beyond letting the occasional “Wuthering Heights” through as a sort of novelty hit? Bush’s subsequent work in the early 1980s met with inconsistent reception, with her fourth LP, 1982’s The Dreaming, marking a particularly low point. The first album that Bush produced all by herself, The Dreaming took even more radical creative liberties, pushing her sound into increasingly experimental territory.

Music: “Get Out Of My House”

Following the fairly cold reception of The Dreaming, Bush took several years to produce her next album, but it would prove to be the one that redeemed her career, and arguably turned her into a bigger star than ever before. Hounds of Love managed to stay true to the core principles of the Bush aesthetic: moody and introspective, full of rich and complex narratives, as well as musical risk-taking. But it honed and refined that sound into something that was also remarkably pop.

Music: “Running Up That Hill”

“Running Up That Hill” was one of the biggest hits of Bush’s career, and arguably dethroned even “Wuthering Heights” as her signature song. I think the secret to its success is its ability to balance Bush’s experimental impulses with an intuitive, deep-felt emotional quality that makes her best work resonant in an accessible way. On paper, “Running Up That Hill” is as high-concept as anything else in Bush’s catalogue--a song about making a deal with God to swap sexes with your lover, and feel what life is like in another body? But at the same time, the song has an ability to “work” even if you don’t know all of that. Who hasn’t longed for a way to bargain with supernatural forces, for a chance at the impossible? There’s a certain applicability to its themes, which I think is a chief reason why it’s inspired so many covers and reimaginings over the years. But even when one listens to the original, the stately washes of digital synthesiser and the powerful conviction that propels Bush’s vocals make it easy to sympathize with. It feels grounded and physical, rooted in the most carnal aspect of the human body. Positioned as the opening track of the album, “Running Up That Hill” feels like an obvious lead single--in the best way possible. But it’s worth noting that not everything on the album is quite so radio-friendly.

Music: “Cloudbusting”

Perhaps one of Bush’s most compelling narratives, “Cloudbusting” is also, ostensibly, fairly high-concept, portraying a heavily fictionalized episode from the life of Wilhelm Reich. A controversial figure both in life and legacy, Reich is best remembered for his work in psychology, heavily influenced by the spectre of Sigmund Freud. But “Cloudbusting” focuses on his later-life fascination with the physical sciences, and his belief that a mystical energy called “orgone” was responsible for both human emotional woes as well as disturbances in the Earth’s atmosphere. Reich attempted to develop a machine that could manipulate this energy, and hence achieve the longtime dream of technological weather control, but there’s no evidence his “cloudbuster” really worked, or that there’s any such thing as “orgone.” But Bush’s “Cloudbusting,” and its accompanying music video, portray Reich as a tragic hero, silenced by government authorities who sought to destroy what they couldn’t understand, conflating his work with cloudbusters with his censure by the FDA for his questionable medical devices.

The song was inspired chiefly by the memoirs of Wilhelm Reich’s son, Peter, with Bush explicitly portraying Peter’s naive childhood perspective on his father, and that does allow for some substantial nuance here...but at some point we have to ask ourselves what responsibility an artist has to the truth. “Cloudbusting” is the musical equivalent of a film that’s “based on a true story,” and I see no reason why music can’t be just as capable of spreading misinformation as the Oscar-bait biopics of Hollywood. Just how accurate, or how beautiful, does a work of art need to be, for us to allow a bit of playing loose with the facts for the sake of a great story?

Setting aside these quandaries presented by its subject matter, “Cloudbusting” undoubtedly delivers musically. Across its sprawling runtime, it develops and earns a sense of grandeur, building from its infectious percussion and cresting with Bush’s fragile, but assertive prayer: “I just know that something good is going to happen.” If you listen closely to the percussion tracks on the album, you’ll notice that there’s no cymbal or high-hat utilized anywhere, which helps give the album its particular hazy, meandering ambiance.

That effect is perhaps even more pronounced on the second side of the album. Hounds of Love is divided quite sharply into two sides. The first side, also sub-titled Hounds of Love, opens with “Running Up That Hill,” and finishes with “Cloudbusting,” which serves as something of a bridge between the two, combining a singable hook and a pop-like verse-chorus structure with a taste for more visionary narrative. While the first side is home to all four of the album’s singles, the second side, sub-titled The Ninth Wave, strays much further away from the standard expectations of pop.

Music: “Under Ice”

Going by the tracklisting, there are seven tracks that make up *The Ninth Wave,* though their smooth transitions and willful defiance of verse/chorus structure create a seamless oratorio or song cycle feel, not unlike many of the great “album sides” of the prog tradition. The Ninth Wave also departs from the feel of the first side in its instrumentation. While the Hounds of Love side has its fair share of exotic instruments, such as a balalaika on “Running Up That Hill” and a didgeridoo on “Cloudbusting,” The Ninth Wave is more richly baroque, with elements like that jarring violin on “Under Ice.” As it progresses, the breadth of timbres increases, climaxing in the Celtic-inspired “Jig of Life.”

Music: “Jig of Life”

The explosion of folkish, backward-looking sounds of “Jig of Life” and “Hello World,” with their fiddles, whistles, and full choir, represent its protagonist’s return to the realm of the living, after the trauma represented by earlier tracks like “Under Ice.” The abstract, though affecting, narrative presented by The Ninth Wave seems to be a tale of death and rebirth, with a narrator who drowns themselves, only to be reborn--whether literally revived from a failed suicide attempt, or metaphysically reincarnated after a passage through the realm of the dead.

Much more has been written about the themes of *The Ninth Wave* than I’m getting into here, but suffice it to say that many people consider it the relative highlight of the album. But I think it’s worth questioning that a little bit, and taking the time to look at Hounds of Love a bit more holistically. Just because the first side is a bit less overtly experimental doesn’t mean it doesn’t have just as much to offer, artistically, or that it isn’t a part of what makes this album truly great. At the end of the day, I think we can probably agree that far fewer people would have ever heard The Ninth Wave if it weren’t for those more accessible singles on side one, moving copies of the record and adding to Bush’s widespread acclaim. Without “Running Up That Hill,” Hounds of Love might have gone down in history as a fairly niche cult classic like The Dreaming, instead of the era-defining album that it got to become.

On the cover of Hounds of Love, we see an image of Bush reclining and embracing two dogs--who were, in fact, her own pets. The image’s saturation in purplish pink and Bush’s perhaps sultry expression combine to create an impression of traditional femininity, which resonates with the album’s themes of gender and sensuality. Framed in by large white borders, we might read the composition of the cover as evocative of a personal locket or memento, a sort of furtive glimpse into Bush’s more private or intimate essence, fitting for the introspective and emotional focus of much of the music. This “framing” is perhaps also evocative of the idea of the domestic sphere of life--and hence, again, of femininity.

While the title track of the album portrays the “hounds of love” as figures of menace, who are said to “chase” after its narrator, the submissive and comfortable-looking canines portrayed in the cover art seem like a foil to that idea. In the history of European art, dogs are often used as symbols of fidelity, particularly in the context of romance. Titian’s Venus of Urbino, painted in the 1530s, is often considered the progenitor of the Western “nude” as an archetype. Alongside the titular goddess, paragon of eroticism and the feminine, the painter has also included a lapdog, peacefully dozing beside her. It’s tempting to see the composition of the cover of Hounds of Love as doing something similar, invoking confident sensuality alongside a symbol of faithfulness to portray the essence of idealized love.

After the release of Hounds of Love, Bush would once again take several years to produce her next LP, 1989’s The Sensual World. More closely related to The Ninth Wave than the A-side of Hounds of Love, it was nonetheless another commercial and mainstream success for the artist.

Music: “The Sensual World”

From the mid-90s to the mid-00s, Bush took an extended hiatus from music, focusing instead on her family and her personal life. Despite uncertainty surrounding the future of her career, she would eventually return to the public spotlight in the 21st Century, and remains active, if somewhat intermittently, to the present day. At this point, it’s safe to say that Bush has a fairly enviable position, having lived long enough to become a cultural institution, and able to bask in the cult following her unmistakable and distinctive work has earned her. For as much as I’ve praised the more commercial side of Hounds of Love in this piece, I still believe in the power of the truly unfettered creative soul, and I’m still happy for Bush that she’s achieved that kind of freedom.

My favourite track from either side of Hounds of Love would have to be “The Big Sky.” In the context of the album, it stands out for its rousing, triumphant crescendo of energy--a marked difference from the languid, introspective sensibility that dominates most of the material. And it manages that without bringing the cymbals back, either! Thematically, its emphasis on weather and the sky prefigures that of “Cloudbusting,” perhaps providing a more hopeful and naive vision of what weather can do, which resists being “clouded” by political drama. That’s all I have for today--as always, thank you all for listening!

Music: “The Big Sky”

#music #great albums #kate bush #album review #album reviews #classic album #classic albums

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immortalcoelacanth · 4 years

Text

HLVRAI Oneshot: Chalk

My muse continues to be a stuggle, Snowcon followers I am sorry XD

Word count: 2687

Summary: Kids were easy to be around. Their minds were simple, focused on entertaining themselves and being happy. It was something Benrey could relate to. But sometimes they could be so damn observant…

“You love dad, don’t you?”

“uhhh, sounds kinda cringe bro.”

The warm, summer winds blew through the surprisingly quiet neighborhood. Faint sounds of children laughing could be heard, most likely in the park not too far away, and the scent of smoke wafted off the barbeque Gordon was currently cooking food on.

All and all, a pleasantly calm day. It was one that he could enjoy with his son-

“hey, hey, you wanna play some tic tac toe?”

And Benrey.

The duo were both seated on the pavement not too far away, drawing on the ground with pieces of chalk that were all sorts of colours. Benrey was wearing a rather large hoodie with some game logos and stickers plastered across it, and his security helmet of course. From his position, Gordon could see that Joshua had drawn several stars, a rainbow, and several other miscellaneous drawings. Benrey had, after being scolded several times to not eat the chalk, drawn what appeared to be colourful smears across the ground, mixing and blending them together.

It sort of reminded Gordon of Benrey’s sweet voice, the blues that were present and the general colour gradient. He was glad to see everything was calm, nothing bad had happened, but still felt the urge to check.

“You two still holding up good?”

“Yeah dad!”

“we’re just doodlin’ passports over here, bro. josh dude gave himself a neat stache.”

“It’s a rainbow mustache that’s extra swirly.” The young boy sagely nodded. “Benrey says it needs glitter though to look super nice.”

“gotta make it sparkly like your personality, little dude.”

Joshua grinned and started laughing while Gordon could not stop himself from smiling at the rather wholesome sight. While Benrey was his typical somewhat apathetic self, his words were far more cohesive, and he sounded less… flustered when speaking. His words were less frantic, far calmer.

Like he was truly relaxed.

“Alright.” Gordon nodded as he turned his attention back to the barbeque, not wanting the veggies to burn while he was not paying attention. “Benrey just… keep not eating the chalk, please.”

He did not notice the wink that the ex-security guard sent Joshua, nor did he witness Benrey pull out half a piece of blue chalk from his pocket and carefully crunch into it.

Blue tasted the best, it was like gatorade.

The young boy laughed once more before returning to his doodling. Benrey looked at it for a moment, noticing the blue, orange, and yellow pieces of chalk that were clearly intended for whatever it was he was drawing, but Benrey decided not to question it at the moment.

Joshua would more than likely ramble about it at some point, the kid was full of all sorts of words and tended to ramble to whoever was nearby. It was pretty amusing to listen to and gave him all sorts of insight on both Gordon and what the pair’s home life had been like before he crashed into it.

Literally.

Breaking into someone’s apartment at around three in the morning was not the best of plans, especially since it ended with Gordon bringing a bat down on the top of his helmet. Not that Benrey had been hurt of course.

Seeing Gordon’s dismay and shock as the bat snapped in half and flew off to the side, shattering one of the windows, was hilarious.

Had that been Benrey’s fault?

Maaaaybeeee.

Either way, months had passed since that point. Months spent working on building up Gordon’s trust in him, learning how to do human things like buy groceries that were not just soda.

A shame since Benrey loved that gamer fuel.

Getting to know Joshua had been… nice, too. The young boy never had the same anxieties that his father felt, never worried about whether Benrey would hurt him or not. He had been happy to make a new friend who was willing to listen to him ramble and play games with him. Of course, Gordon had not been happy with the developing friendship between the two, but as the months passed…

Gordon had gone from constantly hovering over them, to occasionally checking in on them, and then finally to trusting Benrey.

Trusting him to watch over his son and not hurt him.

The first time Benrey had noticed this change and realized what it meant; it had been impossible to stop the bright pink orbs that left his mouth. Fortunately, Gordon had not noticed the sweet voice, but Joshua had.

Joshua, who had later told him how pretty the “glowing balls” looked and how it resembled a very nice, peachy pink.

Kids could be so blunt sometimes, but Benrey appreciated it. He appreciated how simple and straightforward their minds could be and while curiosity was a constant factor when dealing with a kid, it was an enjoyable part of talking to them.

Like making a baking soda volcano on the ceiling of Gordon’s apartment.

Fun times, especially with the bout of strangely quietly screaming he had gotten in response.

Benrey didn’t know Gordon’s face could turn that red.

He let out an amused chuckle and drew some loops on the ground with his mostly eaten piece of chalk. He loved getting Gordon so riled up, hearing the insults that were thrown his way and how the agitated man would run his hands through his hair, ruffling it up.

Loved watching his face flush with anger, how his eyes shined with rage…

Unnoticed to Benrey, several pink orbs floated out of his mouth as he sighed wistfully. When he realized what he had done, clamping a hand over his mouth to prevent any more from appearing, he noticed that Joshua was staring at him, grinning.

Shit, one of the things he was actually scared of.

“heyyyyy little joshie buddy, what’s with that look? kinda… kinda looks like a schemin’ look.”

Joshua’s smile grew a bit wider. “Maaaybe.”

“... kid you’re scarin’ me.”

The only response he got to that was a giggling laugh that was part cackle, which left him feeling no less concerned than he had previously been. Benrey sighed and refocused on his random doodling. Yep, just going to let this topic drop-

“You love dad, don’t you?”

Shit.

Benrey looked up and pretended he could not feel the sweat running down his face. Everything was totally fine, he was cool as a cucumber, kid couldn’t suspect a thing…

“uhhh, sounds pretty cringe, bro.” He shrugged. “and gay.”

“Dad likes all sorts of people!” Joshua huffed. “He likes gay!”

“... that wasn’t-uh... never mind.” Oh fuck, was he blushing? He hoped not. “still cringe, not a pro gamer move.”

“You blushing when dad says something nice about you isn’t cringe.” Joshua bluntly stated. “It’s cute, and grandpa Coomer says gay stuff is cute! Grandpa Coomer’s super smart so it’s gotta be true!”

“we-well it’s… uh…” Shit, he had no response to that.

“Dad makes you happy.” Joshua continued to say, now refocusing on his doodle on the ground and Benrey could now see that it was a family of three people. One blue, one orange, and the smallest one was yellow. “Even if you’re weird sometimes, and pour milk in the cereal box before you eat it-”

“fruit loops get super dusty and i wanted to make soup.”

“Cereal isn’t soup!”

“it is if you’re brave enough.” The change in topic was helping Benrey relax, tension leaving his shoulders as his absent-minded smile returned to his face. Nothing to stress over, everything was chill and-

“So when are you and dad going to go out on a date?”

Nope no more chill nope nope nope-

A date? Benrey had no clue how dates worked, or how they were supposed to work. Besides, his attempts at “flirting” were rarely successful and only seemed to wind Gordon up and, as much as he enjoyed watching the results, sometimes Gordon’s remarks would… sting.

They would make him hurt, cause him to cringe and recoil from the conversation. Not that such a thing had happened recently, but Benrey knew how unpredictable Gordon’s mood and temperament could be at times.

“sounds super cringe.” Was the response Joshua got, combined with a tense shrug. “like-like over nine thousand level cringer-”

“That’s an oooooooold reference.” The young boy said as he stuck his tongue out at Benrey. “And you’re changing topics again!”

Oh god, there were now hearts scribbled around the doodles that were clearly supposed to be him and Gordon. What could he say, what was he supposed to say? That he was terrified of fucking up the “Good Ending” he had finally achieved? That he did not want to risk destroying the relationship he currently had with Gordon?

The months of hard work he had put into fixing the damage that had been done because of that stupid, stupid game-

He felt the chalk in his grip crumble and break apart due to how tightly he was holding it, but the thing that snapped him out of his reverie was the sensation of a smaller hand grabbing onto his.

Joshua?

Indeed, Joshua had scooted over and reached out to hold onto his hand. He looked up at Benrey with a warm smile on his face.

A smile he had seen many times from the boy’s father…

“If it’s hard to say it, why don’t you show you!” He suggested, still smiling that same smile. “Dad’ll understand! He gets my drawings all the time!”

Benrey felt his lips quirk up into the faintest hint of a grin at the suggestion, the tips of sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight. “you sure that’s a pro gamer move?”

“Yup! It’s super pro gamer!”

“well, guess i’ve got no choice.” Benrey joked while rolling his tense shoulders. “joshie, toss me that orange one.”

“And blue?”

“you know it.”

As the sun started to descend from its zenith, shadows beginning to stretch across the pavement in front of the apartment building, Gordon finished up his cooking. Everything was stacked on plates and brought over to his, thankfully, ground level room and placed inside. Once that was taken care of, he went about cleaning everything up and putting his barbeque away.

He was so focused on cleaning everything up that he did not notice the large drawing that was progressively covering the pavement thanks to Benrey. It was only after all signs of his cooking had been neatly cleaned up or put away that he turned his attention to Joshua and his… “roommate”.

If he could call Benrey that.

“Time to head inside!” Gordon called out as he walked towards the duo. His walking slowed down as he noticed that Benrey was crouched in front of a large piece of chalk art. His eyes narrowed in confusion.

Huh, he had not expected Benrey to be the artistic type, aside from spitting balls into the air.

Joshua jumped up and rushed to his side, grabbing onto his arm, and tugging him towards Benrey.

“C’mon dad, look! It’s so cool!”

“Alright, slow down there Joshie.” Gordon chuckled as he allowed his son to pull him towards the art. “It wouldn’t be good if… I… tripped….”

His words slowed and eventually stopped entirely as he finally took in the sight of what Benrey had created and it was…

Beautiful.

Very abstract in nature, a swirl of colours that seemed to form shapes. Light blues and yellows and greens all circling and intermingling with a core that consisted of a darker, richer blue and orange.

Swirls and lines that worked together to create faces. His own and Benrey’s. He could also make out what appeared to be Coomer and Bubby in the background, green and light blue seeming to dance together like the pair would, and that warm yellow that encircled them all, Tommy, uniting them.

What…

As he leaned closer, Gordon noticed smaller details. How Benrey had drawn his hair to be similar to what it truly looked like despite the effort it must have taken. The dark shadows that had been scratched under the ex-guard’s eyes, the white and yellow that mixed together, an attempt to recreate his glowing irises.

How monstrous he looked overall and yet there was a softness in the lines, and the trail of bubbles that left the drawing’s mouth.

All a familiar pink.

Benrey was not as slick as he thought he was, Gordon had noticed the colourful orbs on multiple occasions before he had successfully stopped them. He had never pushed the boundary and asked what they meant since Benrey always seemed so embarrassed, but now…

“What’s pink translate to?” He asked, crouching down beside Benrey and bumping his shoulder against the other man.

Benrey was silent, contemplating what to say and how to say it, before he finally mumbled out the answer. “.... s’makes me think.”

“... Pink means you think?”

“yeah,” Benrey shifted and looked up at Gordon, eyes still cast in shadow. “think of you.”

Gordon’s mind drew a blank at that answer, uncertain of how to respond, but before he could even attempt to get the words out the other man took his chance.

He leaned towards Gordon and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.

The gesture did not linger, but as Benrey leaned back Gordon could still feel the warmth of the kiss. He reached up and pressed his fingers against his lips and quietly wondered if he was dreaming.

Benrey sighed, a stream of pink sweet voice floating into the air and waited for Gordon to speak. It felt like an eternity had passed before the other man finally responded to the gesture, voice cracking.

“Y-You… really? Me? What? But… but you and I-”

“had problems?” Benrey interrupted, eyes fixating on the ground as he squeezed his hands. “no shit. feetman, if-if you don’t wanna-”

“Who said I didn’t?” At that, he looked up and stared at Gordon in surprise. “I was just surprised since you hadn’t said anything about that.”

“i joked about putting our minecraft beds together, bro.” Benrey bluntly stated, causing Gordon to flail as he struggled to explain himself.

“WELL YEAH! But… but I thought you were joking and shit-”

“Dollar for the swear jar!” Joshua cheerfully interrupted, making his dad groan.

“Okay, dollar later, but first,” He focused his attention back on Benrey, noticing how the other man’s cheeks had darkened and how he kept fidgeting. “... You sure?”

“wouldn’t have asked if i wasn’t.” Benrey quietly commented, now finally looking back at Gordon. “psh, pretty cringe doubting me-”

But he was cut off when Gordon leaned forward and returned the kiss. Joshua cheered and Benrey, completely caught off guard, fell backwards which caused a chain reaction of Gordon stumbling, fumbling, and nearly landing on top of him.

Gordon’s hands rested on the pavement beside Benrey’s shoulders as Gordon stared into the other man’s eyes. Both were blushing at this point, and a constant stream of pink sweet voice was leaking into the air.

“U-Uh-”

“dude, you gonna-”

“Are you guys gonna kiss again?” Joshua’s innocent question snapped the pair out of their stupor and they scrambled to get back up.

“W-Well, probably-”

“later, joshie bro.” That casual smile was back on Benrey’s face, an attempt at trying to look calm despite how much he was blushing. “we gotta… uh… get the meats’n stuff-”

“Yeah, like Arby’s!” Gordon nervously added. “But first…”

He quickly snapped several photos of the drawing Benrey had done on the pavement, also making sure to get several of Joshua’s in the process. Hey, he wanted to be able to look back on it in the future, plus he was certain some asshole would wash it off the pavement soon enough.

Besides, there was no way in hell he wanted Benrey’s hard work, one of the few examples of hard work, to go to waste.

“Okay, now we can get the meats.”

Joshua cheered and raced over to the apartment while Benrey joined his side, an arm brushing against him. In response, Gordon linked an arm with his and smiled at the other man.

“wow, that… that’s pretty gay, bro. You gayman now?”

“Totally.” Gordon rolled his eyes as he walked arm and arm back to the apartment with Benrey.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I continue to be on my bullshit while my muse demands domestic fluff for these two. I suppose it’s a good thing for my followers who are in this fandom XD

I hope you guys enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth

#my story #fanfiction #hlvrai #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai benrey #hlvrai joshua #wholesome fluff #domestic #benrey is artistic af

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thewritingstar · 4 years

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Falling Back to You

Pairing: Blossick (Blossom x Brick, Reds)

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls

Soft, sweet reds because I've been feeling angsty lately and needed a breather lol. Sorry to everyone who follows me for other fandoms, I promise Ill write more for FT (you can always leave asks lol)

Tag List: @over-under-through1 @shellielyzabeth (if you want to be on my tag list, you can find the post or dm me)

I hope you enjoy. This has been sitting in my drafts for a few months and decided to just finish it lol.

---

“I’m surprised you don’t have your hat on.” A voice came from behind him. But not just any voice. The moment the first word left those lips, the hair on his neck stood up and sent a familiar chill down his back. It was a voice that he knew well, could distinguish in a crowd of a thousand voices, it was the equivalent of his favorite song or the taste of the sweetest thing to melt in your mouth.

“Blossom.” He said under his breath but her super hearing picked it up.

She thought she was prepared to see him, after all its been two years. That’s enough time to heal, right? But she prayed that he didn’t hear the small gasp that escaped her lips as he turned. That crisp dark red suit fit him like a glove and she spotted him from a mile away in that signature color. He looked good in red.

“Hi.” She managed to say smoothly as he took a step towards her.

“What are you doing here?” He asked with a reluctant tone. It was only the most important night of his life. The one where he would be promoted to the head of the department, the one he busted his ass off from the ground up. Not to mention an award for a case he worked on last year.

She shrugged and bit her lip. “My boss is here and I have to write a report for him.” Then added. “And I wasn’t going to miss the achievement you have been talking about for literal years.” She said shyly. “I promised after all.”

And she did. Back when they had dated all those years ago. Blossom was by his side as he worked from being an assistant at the law firm to one of the most promising lawyers, and now the highest ranked lawyer, but she missed the last part. Unfortunately.

He studied his ass off and she did too, both of them determined to outshine anyone in their paths, maybe that why they chose different companies. They had traded their childhood rivalry for a path of lust and love, a simple competition would not be throwing them down that path. In fact their jobs were the reason they weren’t together.

“You remembered.” He said under his breath. She heard it, of course.

She tapped her foot and looked around before giving a puzzling look. “Wheres Jasmine?” It pained her to ask.

Jasmine. Oh yes, his girlfriend who couldn’t be bothered to celebrate to most important time of his career. Or rather, ex girlfriend, As of last night where he found her with another man.

“Not my girlfriend.” He simply stated as she nodded before taking a sip of her drink.

It must have been good if she brought it to her lips. Blossom loved a good cocktail but if it was hard liquor, she required top shelf, something he admired. He was like that too and was the reason she only drank the highest quality.

“What about Tyson?”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Not my boyfriend.” She said bitterly and he didn’t know why he was happy about it. “Cheated on me for a blonde.” Her glass was on the verge of cracking before she smoothed out her dress. “Typical.”

He hummed in agreement. There was a feeling of anger running through him as he thought about any man hurting Blossom, sure he hurt her too but nothing like that. No their fight was different, it was a fight about whats best for both of them.

They had just under an hour before the cermony started. He didn’t want to bother being inside socailzing with a bunch of random people and he had a feeling she didn’t either. The wide open hallway was becoming stuffy and he could see a trio of men walking their way and knew Blossom would become the talking point.

Before Brick could turn them the other way, the men were already there.

“Brick.” The tall one spat.

“Landon.” Brick matched his tone. What a dumb name he thought.

Landon turned and did not bother to hide the fact that he was checking out Blossom. Of course he was. Even in her simple black cocktail dress that screamed sophistication, she was a walking dream.

“And you are?” He gave her a smirk that could charm anyone, expcet for Blossom of course.

Brick was pracitcally smiling as Blossom shook his hand. He knew she wouldn’t take his bait.

“Blossom Utonium. Head of corrupt affairs at Duchess Law.” She started with what Brick likes to call her “Miss Business voice”.

Landon smirked. “Duchess Law? Someones a smart cookie.” He winked.

The other men behind him agreed and Blossom held her tounge. She hated being patronized or looked down on. He should be thanking the lucky stars that he’s even in her presence.

Brick could tell she was annoyed and wrapped his arm around her waist before looking at Landon. “She makes more money than all three of you combine and actally can win a case so show some repect.” He spat and he turned them around towards the back doors that led to the garden space.

The feeling of having his arm around her sent a spark through her body. At first it felt foreign but the memories came rolling in waves as they walked.

“I could handle myself.” She stated and he hid his laugh.

“I know, but you won’t because of your repuation. I for one don’t care about mine that much.”

“Or maybe its because you still care.” She teased as she sat on the stone bench with him.

He was about to response but his phone began to ring. He wanted to ignore it but Blossom probably would say something about it.

“Its Butch.” He said before trying to put it back into his pocket.

“You should anwser it. I’m sure he’s wanting to wish his brother well.”

He huffed and anwsered on the final ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey quick question. Do you think that I would win in a fight against Thanos?”

Brick only shook his head.

“Butch.”

“Its serious cause Buttercup doesn’t think so but I could take him for sure.”

Blossom was holding a hand to her mouth as the guy kept going on about the stupid question.

“Oh shit dude, tonights your night!”

“Yes it is now Imma hang up now.”

“Brick be nice.”

“Wait a minute bro. Is that Miss Blossom with you?”

“Yes because shes the only one who bothered to care.”

“Hey you’re the one who said not to come. Anyways tell her I said hi and that you two should totally get back together because you kept going on and on about how you missed her and leaving her was the worst choice you made-” The line cut dead and the phone was shoved in his pocket.

“Hes stupid.” He mumbled and Blossom drank the rest of her drink.

“Hes not wrong.”

He turned towards her and gazed silently. She was just as he remembered. Gorgeous and graceful and even without a word spoken, she could command a room. He admired her greatly and she felt the same.

“Brick, can we just skip all of it?” She asked softly.

“I’ve kinda been looking forward to my award.”

“No, not this.” She gestured to the building. “But this.” She pointed between them.

“Skip what?”

“Oh I don’t know, the drama of it all? Because if we don’t confess now we are going to waste so much time running after each other and I-I dont want to waste time.” She looked down at her shoes. A sad sigh leaving her lips. “I just miss you.”

The confession surprised him. They were both forward people who never beat around the bush but when it came to their feelings between them, they had always been shy. Boomer and Bubbles were easy to confess and even Butch and Buttercup seemed to have it together but for them, it felt impossible sometimes.

No matter where he turned, she was there. They had always crossed paths like star-crossed lovers and it was as if the universe was constantly pulling them together and they had tried. They really did.

Perhaps the timing wasn’t enough or their pride had stood in the way. they never meant to fall apart the way they did but when the other side of the bed was empty, those walls they held up became transparent and it only took a mere few seconds to see what they had lost.

But he understood what she meant. They both knew that if anything were to happen between them tonight it would start a snowball effect that everyone was tired of seeing. Over and over they would fall in line and build each other up before something came between them and pulled them apart.

He wanted to get past all the hurdles of playing cat and mouse until on of them caved and said their feelings. But her saying she missed him wasn’t her caving, she was just tired and so was he.

They had been young when they had fallen in love. The rules of life tossing them into a sea of doubt but now they were adults who knew the game and could easily avoid anything in their paths, except each other.

His hand slid over hers. “I missed you too.”

She smiled softly before her hand rested on his cheek. “I’m really proud of you Brick, you’ve come along way.”

“I’m just happy you got to see it.” He whispered before his lips touched hers with a fire they both had missed.

A swirl of fire and ice that only they knew. No matter how much life decided to pull them apart or change the course, he would always find himself coming back to her.

The kiss didn’t last as long as he would have liked but seeing the faint blush on her cheeks made it all worth it.

“What are you doing later?” He asked as he helped her up from the bench.

“I was going to get take out and sit in my hotel room watching movies.”

Brick leaned over to fix the bow in her hair, taking the time to have her close. “I don’t suppose you would accept any company?” He winked before kissing the back of her hand and handing her the red purse.

“I think I can make an exception.” She winked and he had never thought she had looked more stunning.

She took his hand, their palms resting naturally together, before walking back to the ceremony, where he would leave with not only his award but the woman he had loved for years and years.

was the ending lazy? yes. do I care, only a little bit. Lol. I’ve had a really off day so I hope this is good.

Hope you enjoyed :)

#blossick #blossom x brick #reds ppg #ppg x rrb #ppg fanfic #blossick fanfic #thewritingstar

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penguiduck · 5 years

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The Kurama Duality: My Very First Official Headcanon!

Ah, the Kurama duality.

I've been asked this a lot, and people seem to like my interpretation, so I figured I'd list my official headcanon here. I’ve gone into far more detail in my Kurama x Reader fic, Embracing the Seasons, specifically chapter 25, if you’re interested, but here’s a summary.

Let's get something out of the way: Kurama does not have a split personality disorder.

Yoko Kurama and Shuichi Minamino are not two different beings. They are one and the same. Kurama explicitly says this in the English dub: “This is a merger, not a possession.” In other words, when Yoko Kurama escaped from certain death, he fused his soul with that of Shuichi Minamino, and they became one.

I think there are three aspects of this duality. I know, I know. It's confusing because the word "duality" implies that there are specifically two opposing sides, but hear me out.

There is Yoko Kurama, the ancient demon, who was cold and cruel, and did all sorts of morally reprehensible things. He plotted and thieved, and probably killed anyone who stood in his way. While the dub isn’t explicit about the crimes he committed in his demon days, aside from stealing artifacts, I think, given Kurama’s feelings of regret, he likely made some horrible choices.

Then there is Shuichi Minamino, the human boy with whom Yoko Kurama fused his soul. As a result, Shuichi grew up with a soul that was at least half demon, and as such, he was probably not an easy child to raise, influenced by his demon heritage. Yoko Kurama’s intention, after all, was to leave Living World after he recovered from his encounter with Spirit World’s Special Defense Force. His mother, Shiori, showed him unconditional love and compassion, and it was through her tenderness that he came to love her.

But having these two disparate identities is a lot to handle. Here’s Yoko Kurama, who has a very demon perspective — no doubt, in Demon world, sometimes you just have to survive, and as such, Yoko Kurama is ruthless, vindictive, and cunning because he was successful at being just that. It is how one survives as a demon — on brutal instinct and carnage. On the other hand, here’s gentle Shuichi who was raised to be polite and empathetic with his fellow humans, who loves his mother and cares deeply for his friends. Shuichi is not Yoko Kurama, and even though their souls are fused together, Shuichi still has a childhood innocence, a naiveté about him. As he was growing up under the tender care of Shiori, Shuichi may have loathed her without completely recognizing why. And Shiori, bless her heart, may have attributed his misbehavior to childish tantrums. It wasn’t until he understood her selfless devotion that even the cold-hearted Yoko Kurama learned to love her, too.

These two equally valid pieces of himself are so different, their values and methodologies conflicting at times. They are impossible to consolidate.

To strike a balance, it was a third identity, Kurama, who surfaced to mediate between the two. He is able to harmonize Yoko Kurama’s ruthless and calculating calm with Shuichi’s kind-hearted, reflective nature. This is the Kurama with which the main YYH cast is familiar.

Again, Yoko Kurama, Shuichi, and Kurama are not different people, per se. They are one and the same, sharing the same soul. However, they can have wildly different tendencies, ambitions, and motivations.

In the English dub, Kurama refers to these aspects of himself as personalities or identities, which is perfectly fine, but I think such verbiage can lead people to think that he has a dissociative personality disorder.

I like to think of them as perspectives, and I use a glasses lens analogy to help interpret them. In Embracing the Seasons, chapter 53, Kurama explains to the reader character, his girlfriend, why he is so cold to her when he takes on his demon form:

“_____, I love you with every fiber of my being, as I’ve never loved anyone before. I promise you that. And thus, every component, every piece of my soul loves you as well. Even Yoko Kurama loves you. When I take his form, I may behave differently. It may help to think of each identity as me looking through tinted glasses of varying color. These lenses do not define my sight, but my mindset, my method of thinking.

“When I must be Shuichi, I see the world through a very human perspective. I live each day, waking up, going to work, doing my research, writing financial publications. I pay the bills, I shop for groceries, I spend time with friends. I live for my mother, for my stepfather, for Kokoda.

“When I must be Yoko, the glasses are tinted with another perspective. I see through the lens of a demon, guarded by instinct and ruthlessness. I am less concerned for the personal feelings of others, more focused on ambition, whatever goal is most prevalent. I have to be — this is how Demon World functions, ruled by the iron fist of power.

“And when I am Kurama, as you see me now, I understand both interpretations. I appreciate both perspectives and realize each have their strengths and opportunities. Right now, in Demon World and given the circumstances, Yokoʼs strength may very well be a necessity. Please understand that.”

In other words, when Kurama taps into Yoko Kurama’s strength and shifts into his demon body, he doesn’t magically lose everything that he learned as a human. Yoko Kurama and Shuichi are the same person, after all. He doesn’t forget what it means to be compassionate or understanding, but he may choose to disregard that piece of himself.

A really good example of this is in the Kurama vs Gamemaster episode. Kurama consciously made the choice to manipulate Amanuma, literally causing him to have a breakdown, and thus lose the game. He was crushed by this decision, riddled with guilt that he killed a child, but he knew he had to do it — otherwise, he and his team would have no chance at defeating Sensui.

Upon reflection, as confirmed by older Toguro/Gourmet who had stolen the mind-reading ability from Murota, Kurama was upset with himself because Yoko Kurama would not have even contemplated hesitating to kill Amanuma. He would not have wavered and potentially ruined his team’s only opportunity of escaping the Gamemaster’s territory. In other words, if it was Yoko Kurama who was in the same position, his demon perspective would have prevailed. He would not feel guilt or shame in making the decisions necessary to secure victory, not because he is heartless now that he knows what it is to be human, but because the existing goal was far more valuable to achieve than sparing a child’s life. Yoko Kurama can apply logic in a way that is so cold, so void of emotion that even Kurama may be rendered uncomfortable.

I could talk and write about the Kurama duality forever because Kurama is one of the most beautifully complex characters I’ve ever had the pleasure to come across. But, alas, I prefer not to bore you, dear readers. I hope you enjoyed this headcanon of my very favorite fictional love of my life, and please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or requests!

If you would like to reblog or refer to this headcanon in your own fanfiction writing, please feel free. A reference back to this post would be nice so others may enjoy it. <3

Pictures are obviously shots from the anime. I do not own them.

#Kurama #YYH Kurama #YYH #YYH fanfiction #YYH fanfic #YYH reader-inserts #shuichi minamino #Youko Kurama #Yoko Kurama #Kurama headcanon #Embracing the Seasons #Headcanon #Just a few thoughts #Yu Yu Hakusho #The Kurama Duality #Kurama/Reader #Kurama x Reader

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starcrossedau · 4 years

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Disclaimer: This is not for commercial use, all intellectual property belongs to @timetohajima. Copyright: here.

YOUNGJAE’S NATAL CHART

-Timetohajima

↳ trigger warning: abusive relationships, mental disorders

↳ word count: 9.3k

Our sunshine’s turn~ It’s the first chart that I’ll read in this blog that I have the birth time for, so there’s no speculation here: only the truth. That being said, although I am quite aware Astrology might seem like pure fun (and it indeed can be that way sometimes), when reading a natal chart with the birth time I can read everything that has happened / will happen to the person. I will not go into too personal topics or even his death or other severe stuff out of respect (and please do not ask) - but even then, if you’re a fan that is comfortable with just stanning his public persona without knowing much about his real ways that is absolutely fine. Kpop is entertainment, after all, and you should feel free to consume it the way you want to. But I’d advise you not to read this, then. Also, like I’ve said many times before on this blog, everything that I’m saying in this post is about Youngjae and Youngjae alone - DO NOT take one specific explanation of a placement I mention here as something you could relate to your own chart. Whatever I say here is taking everything that is in his chart into account, and there’s no way you have the same chart (that would mean we’d have more than one Youngjae and then the planet wouldn’t be able to handle such brightness).

This is not his entire chart but even then it turned out huge. Sorry? Anyway, here we go:

Ascendant, Sun and Mercury Retrograde in Virgo

The most important part of a zodiac chart is the Ascendant. It is so because it’s defining how the whole chart will work, it’s the point that determines how every house will play out since it’s placing each sign at each house. Not only that, but the 1st house is also the one that defines what are the most important things in one’s life, and the things that will strongly define the person and how their life will play out according to those subjects. As you can see, Youngjae’s is in Virgo and there’s two planets there. So not only is Youngjae’s whole life defined by the nature of this sign but also by these two planets and their subjects. Basically, Youngjae’s life will involve many situations regarding his strong personality in general and mercurial matters. So most of his life is gonna be directed by his intelligence since it’s a Mercury in a good sign for it, but also his communication problems in general since it’s Retrograde.

Virgo is an earth sign and it’s making Youngjae responsible but also very demanding. This will not only apply to what he thinks is right or not but also to how he expresses himself and how he approaches basically everything in his life - even if he’s not fully aware of it. I think that by now he knows that he can be annoying with how much he expects from others, but is too young to already feel strongly compelled to change (as in, he might be trying to but it won’t be effective for now - he eventually will, though, his Moon in Scorpio in a house that talks about travels changing him will make him). You see, Virgo is a sign that demands quality and perfection of what it likes or wants - and when it’s ruling one person’s entire life with Mercury combined it’s impossible for that person not to exaggerate their approach to it. In his case, Youngjae will have both good and bad things coming from this same trait - he’s such a perfeccionist that it’ll attract success but at the same time it’ll bring misunderstandings and inner turmoils. If you expect everyone and yourself to be perfect at all times, your standards are so high that they’ll cause you pain. It’s very hard for this boy to simply relax and enjoy things, he’s constantly alert and like I said, it can bring good results such as catching on things that are subtle (he can be very observant), but it also means that just chilling and simply enjoying what life entails is not comfortable for him. This level of exaggeration of worrying constantly not only brings some level of anxiety (he has three other things talking about this so it’s definitely his case, and definitely why he fidgets a lot) but also prevents him from fully enjoying even the happier times. He does know how to have fun, thanks to those Leo placements and that Jupiter in the 5th, but even then - it’s hard. It just doesn’t come easy as it does for others. I’ll talk more about it on the next topics but it’s just for you to get that although this guy has great joy within him and can bring happiness to everyone he interacts with because he’s a sweetheart, he has quite a hard time letting himself be truly happy. Overthinking is an understatement in his case. And since this is a trait that defines his whole life, every subject that his houses talk about will have something to do with this - every aspect of his life is gonna be influenced by him not knowing how to let go or how to relax. It’s bad but he can choose to grow from it and his Moon in Scorpio might indicate he will.

Although his Mercury is Retrograde, it’s still at one of the best houses for it and in a great sign for it - his learning skills are amazing and if anything I think he just might have trouble focusing when he’s not feeling determined. If he does focus, however, he’s very quick to understand anything that he wants to learn and it’s obviously related to how Youngjae was a trainee only for 7 months. He had already been studying singing before joining JYPE, but to be chosen to join GOT7 he had a limited time to learn dance and some martial arts - which he did. He’s an amazing dancer, and to this day the guys say he’s some kind of music genius. He literally is, they’re not exaggerating - he was already born with skills that led him to this path. Since he has many other placements talking about artistic skills and his mind is working nicely like this the level of talent that he has is very clear - and it’s high af. Youngjae was born to work with music, I don’t see him working with anything else. If anything, he might be a good teacher in the future - but probably a music one, and will always have to practice and work with his own music on the side or else he won’t be very happy (this is an understatement, not to be dramatic but Youngjae is the kind of guy that has no chance of surviving this world without practicing art in any way - can definitely lead to depression in his case).

The Ascendant also defines one’s appearance. The Sun defines the personality while Mercury defines the mind - so Youngjae literally carries his worries, logic and strong will on his face. If you’ve known him for a while it’s hard to think about this but pay attention to how serious he can look when he’s not talking, or how deeply focused. He might not even look approachable for those who don’t know him, and even seem like he’s arrogant (he does act like that sometimes but I’ll go more into it later - it’s just his Moon in the 3rd bringing him trouble). It definitely is not a coincidence that people say he’s so shiny and bright and love the way he laughs. The 1st house talks about one’s appearance and the way people see them, how they’ll be defined by society from a first glance or even from their usual habits, quirks. Because the 1st is our head, our face, defining our body as a whole - whatever it is that the Ascendant is defining there, it’s shown to everyone. Since Youngjae has his Sun in his first, this strong trait of his is shown to everyone - his personality is literally on his face. And since his Sun is being influenced by the 12th, a house in Leo, with a strong conjuction working there - all of that is shown in his face as well. Venus conjunct Mars implies in great inner energy and a deep need to show your talent (many artists have this conjunction), so that kind of determination also shows in his daily attitudes. Leo like this can also bring great joy and the will of showing it to the world with a characteristic laughter or humor. So although Virgo is there making him look responsible and everything, Leo can influence one’s apperance by making the person look innocent and with bright, shiny, even childish eyes. It’s literally making him show how gullible he can be even with Virgo trying to analyze everything - he’s deeply naive and that shows on his face specially when he’s having fun, because he lets his guard down when he allows himself to enjoy things.

His Ascendant is hard to define at first if you don’t know much about him, not only because Virgo is a reserved sign but because his personality is so intricate that by looking at him for the first time people won’t really know how to define him. And if they try, they’ll do it wrongly. That is all caused by the fact that Youngjae has so many different things defining his face. He’s a very intense person, but people won’t realize it at first. If they do stop to pay attention, though, they’ll be nicely surprised.

Originally posted by choiyoungjae

The biggest trouble here is that his Mercury is Retrograde and although in a good sign for it, his mind can be all over the place when trying to properly express himself. For an artist, this can be both a good and a bad thing: although in his personal life he might have trouble fully and properly expressing his feelings, the agony of not being able to do so is translated to his art. So it’s a benefic part of this Mercury, no doubt, it’s giving him great talent when talking about composing and writing down the right words. However, when actually talking he will have some trouble. I’ll go more into it when reading his 3rd.

The 2nd House

This house talks about the money one is going to achieve with their work, it talks about money and possessions in general. I don’t think this is a very interesting part of him for you guys so I’ll be brief. Libra defining it and being ruled by a Venus in Leo conjunct Mars in the 12th. Combined, it means: his money would come from his artistic skills (Libra), he can spend it with things he doesn’t really need (vain things, Libra), is likely to have luck in certain ways because of his personality (his way of talking to people and not only his skills bring him money - Venus in Leo), can be very bad at dealing with money (12th) or spending it wisely (can even spend too much money on people he loves that don’t really deserve it, because Venus). Although it’s all bringing him money but still loads of trouble since it’s being influenced by the house of mind prisons, Mars is also influencing it and the planet of determination like this means Youngjae might lose track of his spendings but is good at achieving financial results in general. So he will have money, but has to be careful with what (or who) he spends it with.

The 2nd is considered malefic because Astrology talks about life and what one has to do to evolve and be an awesome person in general, right? But it’s spiritually speaking. It talks about how one has to work their inner troubles and become a better being… And money doesn’t do that. That’s the main reason why this house is malefic and little did the old ancient greek people know how capitalism would affect us. lol So I’d say it can be considered even more malefic nowadays. For Youngjae it mostly means he can try to fix his love troubles with money (not that he’ll pay for people to love him, not at all - but people will fool him and get money from him) and that he’s likely to lose focus in life because of the way he spends it. Could even be one that bets or invests badly. However, boy still is going to be rich. :) Read more about this on his 8th.

Moon in Scorpio in the 3rd House

I’ve mentioned this many times but let me remind you guys how bad a Moon in Scorpio can be. The Moon stands for feelings, how one’s emotions will evolve or not and how the person will deal with them. Scorpio is a very intense sign and it tends to go to extremes when related to one’s feelings. Everything that is said about Scorpio’s bad sides show up when it’s placed in the Moon. So Youngjae has a lot of trouble dealing with grudges and balancing how he feels. He either goes big or goes home when talking about relationships and friendships, and this is certainly not a good thing. Since I can tell from his chart that he’s a good person (in the sense that he has a good heart, as lame as this sounds), I’m willing to bet that the worst things that will happen to him when talking about romantic relationships and friendships will be partly caused by his naivety and intense devotion to people that won’t deserve it. It’s sextile a Jupiter in the 5th, proving how bad this can get. And then he’ll hold a huge grudge and blame himself because Virgo is making him not forgive his own mistakes (remember how him being demanding affects his whole life?). It’s a cycle of judgement that he puts himself through, literally because he can be too soft. With time he’ll be harsher, and not in a bad way - he’ll learn how to protect himself. However, his romantic relationships will always tend to be problematic.

An interesting thing is that he can be petty af specially because this Moon is in the 3rd. It literally means that what he feels is what he says. Youngjae might try to control it, but he won’t properly be able to. He’s pretty straightforward most of the time. The way he doesn’t really know how to forgive is directly linked to the way he expresses himself as well. So he is totally the kind to not only be abrupt (Mercury Retrograde) but also to bring up things that were done ages ago. Since he has all that Leo charm making him childish and endearing for those that like him, people will rarely expose him about this - but I’m pretty sure it’s a frequent thing. Also, I cannot stress enough how jealous this guy can get. He has no sign of being easygoing in his chart related to this topic, Youngjae can be very possessive regarding those he loves. Not in the sense that he’ll be abusive, just very… Jealous. He’ll be overprotective without letting the person know (ego and childish attitudes caused by Leo), and will want that person to recognize him for it and also appreciate him in a way that he’ll feel like they’re truly close (they have to tell him everything) and equally appreciated. So he’ll be petty when provoking others about hanging out too much with other people instead of hanging out with him, will be dramatic af if not feeling properly spoiled, etc. And since his pride is huge (Venus conjunct Mars in Leo), don’t ever expect him to own up to this. lol Can be a cute thing, no doubt, but will not always be so. Because his Moon is all over the place, he’ll exaggerate this now and then and some people will be annoyed. If they already love and know him, though, it’s likely they’ll forgive him quite quickly since they know that he’s a sweet guy that just has trouble communicating and balancing his feelings. But if the people involved don’t know him or just aren’t the patient kind… This can bring problems in his career, even more so because his 10th (profession, work) is in Gemini - so clearly his communication directly defines his work and if this Moon combined with his Mercury Retrograde are not nicely dealt with… This certainly brings him trouble. A huge thing here is also that this Moon is being influenced by the 8th since it’s in Aries, and said house has the biggest malefic there - so combined with a badly ruled communication house like this he’ll have many troubles regarding signing contracts that might end up being abusive or unfair (we’re watching you, JYPE). This can also involve marriage, since it is a contract. Youngjae can get so intensely in love that he’ll be blinded by his feelings, so. Certainly this guy will have to learn how to deal with his feelings better or else there’ll be consequences.

Originally posted by jiminthebun

(he’s way more intense and passionate than he lets on tbh)

A nice thing here is that his humor is strongly defined by this house. And it’s being nicely backed up by his Leo in the 12th traits. Scorpio is petty and dramatic and loves shock value - it’s such an observant sign that has such great memory that when ruling the 3rd with the Moon like his, the person will love to randomly expose people just for fun. Can be very sarcastic without ever really owning up to it, which can be very funny if not directed at you. lol The Moon here is a huge part of why he can be so endearingly cute when he talks, because unkowingly he’s using his manipulation talents that this Moon in Scorpio gives him to express himself dramatically, combined with that Venus in the 12th that lets him play around with his sensitivity (as in he gets people so deeply that it’s directly related to how he chooses his words, his humor can adapt according to the person). Scorpio is naturally sarcastic and when in this house, oh boy. Things can get intense. haha And combined with his Mercury he can do some very funny, witty jokes. Which is ironic because he’s also very gentle and naive - but very quick witted when answering back. So there’ll be times where it’ll take him some time to fully get what’s going on and then others where he’ll be so quick to react that the people involved won’t even know what hit them. Although this Moon is acting badly, it’s still in the best house for it - so it’s bringing good things anyway. In his case, specifically, it’s bringing luck with transformating himself, evolving when he’s away, travelling. So he’ll not only be lucky regarding always having opportunities to travel if he wants to but also most of his travels will mainly involve good things for him. We have to note, though, that since this house is ruled by Scorpio it’s also being influenced by his Mars and that Saturn in the 8th - so most of the time the travels will be benefic, but often he’ll have to pay attention to his health or else he get sick while away.

Randomly I’d like to add that what makes him so brave about speaking english even if people make fun of his accent is certainly this Moon. He has fun with it because he lives for communication, so it doesn’t really matter what people think - as long as he’s enjoying it and putting himself to work with it. Youngjae also probably loves languages more than we might ever know, he’s deeply connected to them. This Moon also explains why in relationships he’ll truly appreciate the intellectual exchange and being able to discuss everything. Without communication nothing will work, this guy will hate lovers that don’t talk and solve stuff - but sadly will be attracted to them lol He doesn’t really know his own type. Learn more about this by reading his 12th.

The 4th House

The house of the beginning and the end of things. Since it’s in Sagittarius and ruled by the biggest benefic, Jupiter, it implies in a nice and comfortable upbringing and also that it’s likely that the family is big (Jupiter talks about exaggeration, so it’s likely that Youngjae has many, many relatives). Overall, it’s a nice sign to have here and if anything from what I can tell from the rest of the chart it just means he can be somewhat of a rebel regarding what his family wants of him. Could be a matter of religions or traditional ways, and since said Jupiter is taking family matters to the 5th house, the house of fun and romance, could even mean that although he might want to get married someday he doesn’t mind having some fun now and then and his family is not ok with it. Nothing major, I’d say, the kind of rebel Youngjae is against his family. But he still is, and the way he is so will bring bad things. Mostly because he’s too stubborn.

It’s important to note, though, that Jupiter is in Capricorn. So while it’s still working as a benefic in his life it’s also weaker than normal, and when combining Sagittarius and Capricorn like it’s being so in his life it means that while he does want to please his family and feels responsible about its values, deep down he also doesn’t wanna do it at all so it’s a constant conflict in his life. Since he has such a big family, it’s likely that Youngjae has had many people giving opinions on what he should or should not do in his life and that’s why he can be troubled about which path to follow sometimes. I found it kinda weird when he moved in with his brother and left the members behind but seeing his chart it makes quite some sense. Although it had to do with other things as well, I bet, it’s very logical to him that he has to be together with his family at all times and owes them explanations and all. Looking from afar it might not seem serious but you’d be surprised of how much one’s family values can make one feel trapped.

Originally posted by yjarssunshine

Also, the ruler of the 4th represents the father in one’s life. Since it’s influencing his 5th, which is also the house of children, Youngjae wants to have children and to be a father like his was to him growing up. He’s strongly influenced by his dad and it shows, it’s likely that the people he sees on a daily basis are quite aware of how much his dad influences his ways and opinions. Specially because Capricorn is a demanding sign, that expects not only respect but also constant and good results - his father is nice, yes, but also expects a lot from him. And this implies in many things, how childish he can be sometimes because he was so spoiled (surrounded by people that while he did not really agree with were very loving to him, in an overprotective way) but also how confident he can be since his childhood had such an impressive and present father. He was very protected when he was younger and probably is to this day as well and that’s why he can be such a scaredy cat. lol It’s all related! Seems to me that his father is quite an intense guy but not very good at expressing feelings, and that’s why Youngjae ended up being more of a softie in constant emotional denial and intensity - the person he looks up to the most is a strong figure that doesn’t deal with feelings so he wasn’t properly taught to do so. Since his mother is represented by Mercury in his chart, it’s clear that her influence is similar - he respects and loves her a lot and she might be caring but above all she’s very logical and clever, so probably quite disconnected with properly dealing with feelings as well (even if unknowingly so). Also, her being represented by Mercury in the 1st implies in minds that work very similarly (hers and Youngjae’s, I mean) and that’s definitely connected with how they have the same laughter. lol So you see, Youngjae has very loving parents that truly did their best to offer him everything they could but emotionally they could be lacking at times - and obviously not because they wanted to, but it had consequences in Youngjae’s life anyway. They spoiled him a lot, though, and it shows not only in his ways (loves to joke around lightly and laughs freely, often a sign that someone was loved as a child and knows it - he can be sarcastic but overall his humor is more of a healthy, truly joyful nature) but also with the way he acts around his hyungs (he loves to be spoiled by them and Jaebum became a father figure of sorts for him for this reason - his real one was away so Youngjae needed a substitute). Overall, Youngjae’s parents gave him opportunities and the assurance that he was truly loved, which makes a huge difference in how someone grows up to be who they are - but at the same time they can be very demanding and kinda complicated when talking about feelings, so that’s on his way to this day and definitely plays a huge part of how that Moon in the 3rd is bringing him communication problems, as well as that Mercury Retrograde.

Although he has some other placements talking about health problems, Jupiter ruling the 4th normally indicates a good, longlasting life - but he has to be aware that with what he exaggerates with (since it’s Jupiter ruling it) it’s likely that if he does it too much it’ll shorten his life. If he learns to take care of himself, it should all be fine.

Jupiter in Capricorn in the 5th House

The house of fun, romances and friendships (the fun part, per say, while the 11th is deeper regarding this) when ruled by Capricorn is normally a very hard thing to deal with. With Jupiter here, while it’s a benefic that normally brings good things, in his case I believe he has more trouble caused by it. You see, the 5th talks about how one chooses to have fun and love and overall enjoy life - if Capricorn, a sign that does not know how to do those at all, is there… Youngjae has a real hard time just relaxing and letting things go with the flow. He’s constantly tense and looking for deeper meanings and everything, he’s literally too smart to have proper fun. He doesn’t know how to relax. When it’s related to relationships, since it talks about romance… He probably overthinks everything involved. I’ll go more into this when talking about his 12th, but this adds to the paranoia that is being talked about there. He’ll look for serious commitments in the beginning of the relationships, will be too eager to control everything so it all works perfectly in an exaggerated way, you get the gist.

Originally posted by yugyeomism

Jupiter is bringing his family matters into this house so again, although he had some privileges and a loving family it’s clear that the kind of demanding his father is is so strong in his mind that he cannot help but force himself to be worried at all times. It’s like: are we going to a party? But what for? For how long? Is it really worth going? Instead of just letting things happen naturally. Not only is this bad for him since he doesn’t really express himself or allows himself to enjoy the little things… With Jupiter, the planet of exaggeration, also influencing it all it’s obvious that when he does have fun and he does allow himself to feel it is way too intense for his own good (and it’s square a very malefic Saturn in his 8th, the house of death - the way he doesn’t balance things regarding fun literally attacks his body). He’s missing balance in this part of his life and it affects him more than he knows. First because if you never allow yourself to fully enjoy stuff you’re not actually living it and it brings a deep dissatisfaction and constant discomfort that of course implies in anxiety in the long run. Youngjae has other placements talking about anxiety so it’s definitely his case. And secondly, if you don’t allow yourself to fully feel and love all the time - when it happens it involves in loads of overthinking and paranoia and giving more than receiving and all kinds of messed up relationships - they get way too intense in a bad way. So this benefic is not being all… Benefic to him, I’d say. It does bring luck with other things, like with attracting great and loyal (Capricorn) friends much like a great sense of humor (the planet that talks about joy and love in a witty sign - great humor indeed). Also, the house of children with the planet of children there is likely to bring a good family… But the sign it’s in can be on its way. I won’t read much into it ‘cause it involves predictions, just for you to get that even if it’s just sounding bitchy this Jupiter is doing good as well.

However, since the house of fun literally talks about parties and addictions… With the planet of exaggeration there… You get what I mean. It’s likely that Youngjae exaggerates in something in his life, and there’s two other things talking about this in his chart so it’s definitely a thing. I’m not sure to what extent this will be in his way in the long run, but for now it’s at a manageable level. I won’t go much into it, though, since it’s very personal. Don’t ask me to talk about this.

The 6th House

The house of health ruled by Saturn like it’s in his chart means that Youngjae has some trouble with his immune system. Mostly out of his stubborn ways since said Saturn is in Aries, but also something he can’t control. This explain his allergy to cats, for example. This Saturn is opposite Mercury, so his mind literally doesn’t see the bad it’s doing to him (although it makes him independent as well, even if badly acting when making him feel inadequate). To put it simply, he was born with a body likely to have trouble healing itself properly but he also doesn’t take care of himself like he should, which makes him get sick even more frequently. If you pay attention to all of GOT7′s interviews and ~reality~ shows, you’ll see that he’s always sniffing or sneezing, etc. It won’t always show in a big and concerning way, but it’ll always be there - he’s prone to getting sick easily and quicker than others. Which must be very hard with the kind of life that he leads, with demanding schedules and all, but at the same time it brings him some structure to follow - his managers help him with this, even if he feels controlled. JYPE might be wrong in many things, but GOT7 does not starve themselves to death like other companies normally make their artists do. If anything, some of them get paranoid because of the media and knetizens’ opinions (mostly Jackson), but you know what I mean, right? Youngjae’s schedule is busy but in part this is being benefic to him since this responsibility of taking care of his diet and all is being put onto him - which is to show that although Saturn is a jerk it can also bring good things. This because Saturn is in the 8th, a house that talks about contracts and financial exchanges - so since these subjects are being taken to the 6th, his health is also being nicely influenced by his contract with the company. Weird, I know, but that’s literally what it says. Which is amazing, btw, since most idols actually have only bad things comming from their contracts and 8th houses. So yay, Youngjae! lol

Aquarius in the 6th like it’s in his chart also indicates a deep worry regarding society and wanting to fix it somehow. By itself it wouldn’t mean much, just something he thinks about now and then, but since he has others things talking about it it’s definitely something that is constantly in his mind. Read the 11th to understand this better.

The 7th House

The house of relationships and partnerships (mostly professional). When Pisces is here like it is in his chart the person loves the concept of being in love and loves who they are when they’re in love - which brings constant crushes but not necessarilly full on relationships. As in, it’s likely that Youngjae is always interested in someone but doesn’t really mean he always acts on it. But he does sometimes - and like I’ve already explained will overthink, be intense, etc. Although Pisces is bringing luck it can also mean exaggeration and since he also has that intense Moon in Scorpio and a Venus conjunct a malefic in the 12th - it’s totally his case. Youngjae is the kind that devotes himself entirely to whom he loves, will do absolutely everything for them and will have a hard time recognizing / respecting his boundaries. Will have a lot of trouble moving on too, and his memory is amazing at playing tricks with his mind and heart… So he’ll literally make himself suffer without having to. Youngjae is truly the kind of friend that comes to you asking for advice, will listen attentively and then proceed to do what he already wanted to. Mercury in Virgo is making him stubborn, his Moon in Scorpio doesn’t let go, his 5th house is defined by exaggeration… His posture towards relationships is certainly bringing him trouble, he has a lot of feelings and doesn’t know how to deal with them. And the worst part is that he’s so nice and naive and altruistic that… People will certainly take advantage of him. And he’ll have a hard time forgiving himself, since he can be very stern because of Jupiter being in Capricorn ruling this house. I’ll go more into this in his 12th.

Originally posted by poeticyoungjae

Randomly I’d like to add that this Pisces combined with his Venus in the 12th is bringing loads of aegyo in romantic relationships. lol Boy will love to go all cute and just overall adorable to his lover, will spoil them for sure but will absolutely LOVE to be spoiled back (and will act cute until the person does it lol but they will ‘cause he’s really good at it).

However, when talking about professional partnerships he’ll be lucky - he’ll attract people interested in investing in him (hi, JYP) or even literally creating with him. Youngjae could also have luck when opening up his own business, but only if related to his music… Other kinds are likely to fail in the long run. Oh well.

Saturn in Aries Retrograde in the 8th House

Saturn is the biggest malefic and wherever it is in a chart it will talk about suffering and hardships. It’s a teacher that inflicts pain until you learn, and if you don’t… The pain is constant. In Youngjae’s case, it’s even harder for him to deal with since said Saturn is Retrograde and in a bad sign for it - Aries makes Saturn be all over the place, messing not only with the houses it’s ruling but the whole chart - that’s how malefic and impeditive it can get. And it’s also in a malefic house, making it clear that this Saturn does inflict a lot of pain in Youngjae’s life.

I won’t go much into it because it also talks about deep, personal stuff. But overall this placement (combined with others in his chart) implies in such intense, uncontrolled anxiety that his body directly suffers because of it - which is related to what I said in his 6th. Since the 8th talks about money coming from others and relating to others and his Venus conjunct Mars in the 12th are pointing to this as well, it’s safe to bet that Youngjae in the future might find himself in situations of having to spend a lot because of his family, unfairly so. And this might be related to his own family but also to the person he marries. The person will either truly take advantage of him or he’ll just be paranoid about it. To be honest, I think it’s gonna be a little bit of both: he’s gonna be disappointed about one marriage where he’ll be naive while the other he’s gonna be very paranoid with. Yes, might go through a divorce caused by this kind of trouble. Money.

If his emotional placements were healthy I’d say he’ll only have money related troubles regarding documents (mortgages, bank loans, etc) - but since his 12th and Moon in Scorpio are definitely on his way this guy is likely to have much trouble regarding serious relationships. Even if his 7th is being ruled by a benefic, it’s not working strongly enough to prevent difficult situations. If anything, that Jupiter in the 5th and ruling the 7th is actually proof that he’ll be exaggerated about how he shows love and support - definitely involving money issues in relationships because he’ll feel like it’s a good way to demonstrate his love… But that’s not true at all. This is stronger than him, though. Even if he ever gets to read this, it’s very likely that he’ll have a hard time controlling himself regarding this. Too much passion caused by his Moon in Scorpio and Venus conjunct Mars in Leo in the 12th for this kind of trouble not to happen. Also, remember Saturn is the king of giving life lessons because it wants you to learn: he can’t escape these situations, he just has to learn how to deal with them wisely. The fact that said Saturn is in Aries, though, indicates that he’ll be very stubborn and prideful about it so. Well.

Randomly, this house also talks about nightmares and in Youngjae’s case it gives him restless sleep. Jaebum has mentioned more than once how Youngjae could sing while he was sleeping, and even talk to him sometimes - this is all caused by this Saturn in the 8th (and backed up by the Moon in the 3rd [intense, constant feelings] and Venus conjunct Mars in the 12th [inner turmoil]). Also has to do with how he has trouble waking up early, and since it’s being caused by a malefic there’s not much he can do about this - and this is likely to never change in his life. Another thing is that since Sagittarius is being influenced by the ruler of Capricorn, since Jupiter is working with it, the house where Sagittarius is is also being influenced by Saturn - so the 4th will be influenced, like I said in that topic. However, in this case I’m mentioning it to explain that since said sign talks about one’s back it’s gonna be a constant thing in his life to worry about - remember how he has to be careful with exaggerating and that the 4th talks about the beginning and end of things? So Youngjae definitely has to learn to respect the limits of his body soon or else he’ll get permanently injured.

Medium Coeli in Taurus in the 9th House

I thought of not properly explaining this one at first since it can get pretty deep but I’ve warned you in the beginning. So it’s up to you, and has nothing to do with me! lol

Medium Coeli defines one’s goals in life, what they should look to achieve - their mission in life. When it’s in Taurus it’ll talk a lot about family, financial stability and looking for the good things in life (depending on what the person likes, of course). So in Youngjae’s case, what he loves he loves a lot and will do his best to keep on feeding that love. He also feels strongly the need of being responsible and hardworking at all times, even when he doesn’t feel like it - Youngjae probably forces himself a lot. This is caused by what I’m about to explain next. Be warned it’s serious, dark shit. This is the last time I’m warning you. You’re free to go read his 10th and ignore this.

[i told you]

This Medium Coeli is conjunct the biggest and most malefic star in the sky. Although it also implies in financial success and being recognized by big crowds (randomly let me add that many famous people have it, even Donald Trump does lol), it’ll mostly talk about suffering one cannot run away from. In Youngjae’s life (combined with absolutely everything in his chart, so let me remind you that I’m talking about him and only him) this is bringing great paranoia and the constant feeling of not being enough, and also attracting people that will make him suffer a lot. Specifically when talking about romantic relationships. It’s likely that he’ll suffer because of abusive relationships and will take a very long time to realize it. Youngjae has a deep, deep feeling of inadequacy and it prevents him from being as happy as he should - he’s constantly feeling the effects of this star, making him want to cry because of a kind of inner turmoil that he cannot control or properly understand. I’m afraid South Korea is very bad at recognizing one’s need to see a psychologist because they see it as a weakness (and Youngjae does too because of his huge pride and the need of never showing to others things he’s not good at), which is a huge mistake but sadly I can’t do anything about it. But Youngjae is definitely the kind of guy that should see one. These things that he deeply feels… He has to talk about it. I hope he does. I won’t do predictions about this or elaborate on it, but it’s something that I have to mention or else we’d be ignoring a huge part of what makes him be the way he is. This star also talks about injustice depending on the person, and it’s his case - if Youngjae is ever involved in a scandal, I’ll tell you right now: it’s a 99% chance of it being a misunderstanding or a plan of trying to ruin him. He might lose a lot because of it. Another thing is that it brings injustice in his case because he has such a huge heart and deep need of helping others that while he does it Youngjae will attract the attention of bad people. If you do good and change people for the better, the people that have other interests will definitely be against it since they’ll be losing because of it. So Youngjae has to be careful with people he doesn’t know now but will eventually turn into enemies, betraying him. This might only happen in the far, far future though - if it ever truly does. The only thing that I can say for sure will happen since I’m not doing any proper prediction technique is that he’ll have real trouble with romantic relationships caused by this star.

[/i told you]

It’s likely that he will follow one career only but also that he may teach in the future, since the 9th also talks about teaching. Or, even, that he might move and live somewhere else - another country or a city different from the one he was born at (so it’s safe to say that he could move to Seoul for good even when his career as an idol is done).

The 10th House

The house of career and what people will recognize him for, dignity, how he’ll deal with authority. Since it’s being ruled by a very strong but kinda troubling Mercury and Gemini talks about communication, Youngjae might be good at talking to elders but at the same time is prone to causing misunderstandings. It’s not easily defined in his case, in some situations he’ll be lucky and in others people won’t forgive him about the way he talks at all. This can bring trouble with authority figures not only in his professional life but like with police officers or even the government itself. So this guy better be careful when handling getting fined and stuff like that - depending on how he deals with it he’ll have to pay even more.

However, this is also bringing him luck in the sense that his intelligence is ruling his career and that’s a good thing since he’s very clever. He’ll know what to do to achieve what he wants and is determined enough to actually do it instead of just planning on it. Gemini here also will mean that Youngjae has to use his communication a lot to get results in general - he has to convince people to give him a chance of recording a certain song, for example, or even talking for so long and so much that people will just give him what he wants. lol He’s very convincing because of this, and it’ll certainly help him when talking about getting rich. His mom is defining this house as well so it’s safe to say that her posture towards life taught him a lot of how to be a good professional, so he knows his ways around people because of how he grew up seeing his mom do the same. Yet another point talking about how his family is good for him. :)

Pars Fortunae in Cancer in the 11th House

The 11th house talks about altruism, caring about society and friendships. Having it in Cancer literally means that Youngjae is emotionally affected by how society works - if it’s not up to his standards, to what he thinks is right it gives him great sorrow. Specially if he sees any of these in person, like seeing someone begging for money or even suffering any kind of injustice. He’ll feel their pain as if it’s his own, and since said house is ruled by the Moon in the 3rd - he’ll talk about it a lot, he’ll feel the need of sharing and protesting these things. He’ll stand up for those he think are in need and will fight for causes involving helping those in need in general. He’ll also show this to others, he’ll do his best to influence people to do good as well. It’s something he takes very seriously, Youngjae cannot stand to live his life without helping others. And sometimes he’ll be aware that he can’t do anything about certain things out of his control and it will crush him. :( He’s a really, really kind guy that worries deeply about humanity. It’s not just talk, it’s not marketing. It’s truly how he feels.

Having Pars Fortunae here clearly states that most of his luck and blessings in this life are gonna come from his good heart - he’ll be good to others in such frequent and honest ways that the people he helps will give him things back or life will just indirectly give him good things back. Like a positive-karma-kind-of-thing. lol Since Cancer talks about family, in his case this will also mean that a lot of the good things in his life will be caused or involve his family in many ways. I told you his joy is caused by him growing up a loved and spoiled child, right? It’s one example, but his family brings other amazing things to him.

Since Pars Fortunae talks about one’s career, what’s gonna bring the person money - in Youngjae’s case he has other elements pointing to having artistic skills and since his Pars Fortunae is in a sign that talks about it it’s obviously his case. I guess it’s easy to say it now since it’s already happening but trust me when I say it’d be possible to guess it even before he debuted. lol He was destined to have many gains because of his artistic skills and feelings (since this house is ruled by the Moon). Another thing is that this placement is also giving him great inner strength and energy (also positive vibes), combined with his Leo placements it’s the cause of why he’s such a cute ball of sunshine.

Originally posted by choiyoungjae

(this cute little shit i swear my hearto)

Venus and Mars in Leo in the 12th House

This house will have a lot of things that I’ve already mentioned since I took it in consideration to explain the others, but bear with me.

The 12th house is malefic and in his life talks about self destruction, hidden enemies, feeling trapped. Youngjae has part of his feelings (Venus) and his determination (Mars) in a house that talks about things we do to ourselves that we don’t realize at first but brings us great suffering - it literally is telling us that Youngjae can be very bad to himself and quite often. He’s very determined and goal oriented and can fight hard for what he wants - which can be good, of course, but it also means that Youngjae doesn’t respect his limits and often puts himself in situations that are just too much, and torturing even. It makes you wanna slap him, doesn’t it? Because he’s constantly worried about others and wants to help them - but never stops to fully take care of himself.

This is enhanced by the fact that said Mars is in Leo, a sign that stands for fighting for others and protecting the ones one loves. So combining everything, Youngjae can put himself in front of others to protect them without thinking - and people just won’t do the same for him. So this brings two kinds of pain: the pain of suffering because of others and the pain of being left behind and uncared for. And let’s consider, also, that this guy has his Venus conjunct said Mars. His feelings are involved as well, which makes this even more intense - he won’t stop to think about it, he’ll just act. And this is where lies the hidden enemy thing - Youngjae is literally his own enemy regarding his emotional health. He gives too much, expects too much (because Leo is known for wanting specific things in a relationship).

This Venus is also talking about wanting to take care of people that are just as troubled or even more so than he is. He’ll want to take care of them, protect (Leo) them - and this can be so tiring… But Youngjae won’t give up on them because when he loves, it’s all or nothing. So he’ll never stop loving the person even if they hurt him. Obviously a bad thing. Since the 12th house talks about mind prisons as well, this is definitely something that might make him feel trapped in the future. This Venus is square his Moon, which brings constant feelings of discontent - so he does love intensely but will look for specific people to love. He has a defined type of what he wants and won’t accept less. Which is not a good thing in his case since said Venus is in the 12th and like I said he’ll look for people that can be some kind of burden for him… Youngjae is the kind of guy that is very aware of what he wants and will do his best to achieve it but when achieving it (as in, the person lol) he’ll be blinded by love and won’t understand how bad said situation is being for him. And let’s not forget the huge pride Leo brings, specially in his case with Venus conjunct Mars, Mercury in the 1st, etc. He’ll spend a really long time in situations that should’ve ended as soon as they began. He’s stubborn about everything, to be honest, but regarding relationships… It’s even worse. Leo in the 12th often makes one scared of things without any reason, and Saturn in the 8th is backing it up in Youngjae’s case - so it explains a lot of how easy it is to scare him and how afraid of the silliest things he can get.

The good thing is that this Leo is bringing great energy and inner strength, and also explains his youthful vibe and contagious laugh. What makes him suffer also makes him greatly adorable, as dramatic as this sounds. Oh, this is yet another Leo characteristic - drama. Loads of it. Since it’s in a malefic house like this, Youngjae’s Leo traits are gonna make him so, so dramatic it can get unnerving to others and bring him trouble. Will also make him believe that some problems are bigger than they actually are, and Youngjae will feel trapped regarding them. This will be about many things but it’s good to mention what I’ve said all the way up in the beginning - that he’s so demanding with himself that it’ll cause him trouble in different ways. So it also attacks his emotional health represented by this house, bringing great paranoia and the feeling of not being enough when he definitely is. However, this kind of drama when being shown to people will be more endearing than anything else. So what deep inside brings him trouble, outside will just make him look… Adorably exaggerated? Cute. lol

Although this house is definitely bringing him many hardships, Youngjae has learned through his pain and extreme sensitivy and, like I said, this guy is very worried about other people’s well-being. So what he says about wanting to live abroad after his military service to be able to heal people with his music is not just talk. If he’s ever going to be able to, though, I don’t know since no prediction techniques are being used. But this is directly related to his Pars Fortunae in his 11th, so trust me when I say Youngjae just has a huge fucking heart.

Originally posted by shan-baby-xo

THIS TOOK ME SO LONG. I’d really appreciate some feedback. I know it’s long, so it’s ok to pretend you read it all too. lol Just say “oh Miya I loved it all” as if you had read everything. I’ll believe you. I’ll be honest, though: in a group like GOT7 it’s hard to find a bias specially since everyone can be so loud and everyone has such charming traits - so I had already liked him, for sure, but reading his chart made me love him so, so much. He’s genuinely a nice guy, so adorable and smart and kind at the same time! Definitely worth the trouble of dealing with how stubborn he can get. lol I learned a lot about him reading his chart and I hope you guys did too. :)

15.08.17

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41 NOTES

REBLOG

#choi youngjae

#youngjae

#got7 scenarios

#kpop astrology

#thekpopnetwork

#natal chart

#virgo

#leo

#traditional astrology

#i might go over it later

#typos or something i'm missing idk

#for now

#i don't wanna see this for a few days lmao

#took me so long geez

#sorry i'm being dramatic here

#i hope you guys like it!!

#miya #astrology #birthchart #kpop youngjae got7 #natalchart

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lgchunji · 4 years

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MERRY CHRISTMAS, LGC MEMBERS!

merry christmas, lgc members! oops! this time you didn’t just send something to they mods, they also wanted to send something to YOU!! every single mod, below the cut, has something wonderful for you all to hear! (no, this is not the christmas present side event lol) our mods deserve all the love in the world, but the members all deserve a little extra love too! happy holidays and everyone have a good new years!

admin l, writer of @lgcxjun, @lgcmiso, and @lgcnami says: 1) what is your favorite part about being a mod? making the members happy. when we put out a new event or implement something new in the rp and members are super excited about it, that's what i like the most. 2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far? hmm.. i think it's when we officially opened the rp for reservations and they came flooding. we weren't expecting this. we thought it would take weeks before we get enough reservations to open and were pleasantly surprised when in 48h we had the 10 minimum. we never expected to have over 50 members, either. so this whole experience has been amazing for us 3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!) seeing the characters grow right before our eyes, that's the part i love the most. seeing the progression of each and everyone of you all always make us happy. the admods are your biggest supports, i swear to god. i also love how our members aren't scared of giving ideas and participate in the growth and events of the rp! we always love incorporating our mun's ideas 4) anything else you would like to mention? thank you for being here with us <3

admin *, writer of @lgcdanbi, @lgcnathan, and @lgctaesung says: 1) what is your favorite part about being a mod? oh gosh… i can’t pick just one! honestly, it’s just being able to plan and create stuff for our members with such a fun and dedicated team like the one we have here! we have so much in store for everyone, and we just hope y’all are as excited as we are for the big things to come! 2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?: for me specifically, it had to be my *first* trimester change as the head of graphics. i literally SLAVED lmfao over our Q4 2020 graphics, and it was so nice to see how much everyone enjoyed the roleplay’s makeover. plus, now that we’re getting closer and closer to Q1 2021, i’m both excited yet SUPER nervous about the aesthetics i want to put out for lgc in the new year! 3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!): character-wise, i can tell everyone is genuinely invested in their muses’ development and careers here. even though idol krps aren’t anything new, it’s such a breath of fresh air to be a part of a group where people want to see success with their muses from the very start to finish. mun-wise, it’s gotta be activity check sunday’s! seeing people’s live reactions to the queue is DEFINITELY the highlight of my week. 4) anything else you would like to mention?: we’re a small team here (but i swear it feels so much bigger!), and we dedicate a lot of our time in running lgc behind the scenes than in writing for our own characters. it can be a bit of a bummer and can definitely take a lot of muse and motivation out of you, but we’re always so appreciative of how considerate and thoughtful our members are of us. we’re not perfect—no one is!—but despite our flaws, it’s so inspiring to see a place (a home?) like lgc last for over a year and still be going on strong. and we can only thank you guys for all of that! so! thank you!

admin g, writer of @lgchanbyul, @lgcjaesun, and @lgcyumi says: 1) what is your favorite part about being a mod? i have a strange love for lists and stats, and so i actually really enjoy the administration part of being an admin. honestly, i would be the type of person to start a roleplay just to do the logistics lol. i enjoy helping to keep things neat and orderly, though admin a. has been doing a really great job of making my processes even better. my strong suits are not events or graphics, so i leave those tasks to the rest of the team. i think because of that, we make a really great team, and i just enjoy getting to see the fruits of our labor week after week and seeing people excited over them as well! 2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far? there are many memorable moments, of course, and this might sound silly … but probably when we received our first application that was not from one of our og staff members. frankly, when we started this group, we were fairly certain no one would want to join, especially with so many other great roleplays around, so to have watched it grow over these last 16 months has been pretty incredible! 3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!) i wish i could give a special shoutout to each person, but that will quite literally take me a year so i apologize that i’m taking the easy road out. i think the best part about our members is just their willingness to help, whether it be helping others understand the points process, what is needed for an event, or just any of the other logistics that might lead to confusion. it puts a smile on my face to see that teamwork and selflessness exhibited by so many of you. when we mention that we’re stressed, there is never a shortage of eager hands being raised to offer help, and we always appreciate that. i think it’s not easy being a big group, and it can be easy to feel left out, so i just continue to applaud those who really help to make people feel at home! 4) anything else you would like to mention? 2020 has certainly been a wild roller coaster ride, but it’s certainly been made better by getting to write and interact with all of our members. i hope that those i haven’t had a chance to write with yet that i will get to do so soon! thank you all for your continued support and i hope everyone has a happy holidays and a happy new year! may 2021 be a better year for all of us! thank you also to leaf for organizing this! you’re truly a trooper for putting together this special treat for our members ( and months ago for doing it for the admin staff as well )! always appreciate your thoughtfulness in spending the time to think of others. ❤️

admin a, writer of @lgcaeri, @lgceunhye, and @lgcsanghyun says: 1) what is your favorite part about being a mod? my favorite part is seeing people’s reactions to everything we do in lgc and using some of those elements to help build their character or celebrate their accomplishments. a good example of this are the events that have been revealed in the past and reading the reactions and feedbacks encourages us to think more about what kind of events we can make or improve on! 2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far? i’ve only been here for a short period so i can’t quite name a lot, but the one that i can think of on top of my head is during the end of the trimester. it’s usually the busiest time for us for several reasons, but it feels the most rewarding to me personally because behind the scenes, we really try to make sure that everything goes smoothly. add that everyone is so patient during those times and we really appreciate it! i personally want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for all of the positive messages and support you have sent to us! it really means a lot to us! ❤️ 3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!) i mentioned this previously in the one year anniversary post, but i would say it’s the community that has been created and developed over time. it’s gone through a lot and the fact that we’re still active now still shocks me sometimes! aside from that, i would also say reading through the solos and posts that we see on the dash (and yes, we see what is going on 👀). while there is so much that i don’t know about everyone’s muses, sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and see what everyone has been up to lately.

admin c, writer of @lgcxking and @lgcjin says: 1) what is your favorite part about being a mod? for me it’s seeing members get excited about events that we put out, and creating new canons based off them. i don’t think i would be able to keep being an admin if i didn’t feel this sense of wonder and excitement coming from everyone! 2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far? i’ve probably mentioned it way too often by now, but when we created lgc we expected it to die off after a couple weeks/months. we never expected to last so long and it wasn’t easy in the beginning, but after a while, i’d say around october/november, we started welcoming a lot of new muns that have become such an integral part of the rp. the fact that we’d have enough members to form a lot more than one group for each gender is amazing in itself. and the 2020 family concert really had me realize just how far we’ve come! to see all of those muns and muses experiencing it for the first time even though they’ve been in the rp for so long and achieved so much. 3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!) i don’t want to name anyone in particular because i’d want to talk about everyone and that’s impossible, but like i mentioned above, it amazes me whenever i see everything that the muses have achieved in a year. i think i realize now just how many events we put out LMAO. some muses are fairly new but are already on future dreams or lgc girls japan, others have begun acting, producing, hosting, etc. i always love to see the very detailed plan everyone has for their characters and even though it might take a while to happen ic, it’s important to set goals! some that might not even happen in a near lgc future, but it gives such life to muses. i also love seeing friendships form, relationships grow, suddenly being on dash and realizing that a muse FINALLY confessed to another, or sometimes just discovering important information through someone else because we can’t possibly read every single thread on dash (i’d love to, though, trust me). there’s a ton of people i haven’t interacted with yet on my muses, and i would sooo love to do it but with the amount of work that goes behind the scenes… let’s just say though that we love every single muse and i’m probably a bigger fan of them than you are!!!!! 4) anything else you would like to mention? small mention to you, leaf, for doing this! thank you for the love and care you put into these types of projects it’s very cute ;; we really liked getting messages from members last time too. also, to anyone reading this, just know that we’re glad you’ve decided to join us on this legacy journey!!!! why do i feel like i’m ending this too dryly but I LOVE YOU GUYS and thank you for all the support, patience, understanding and time investment <333

admin y, writer of @lgcjaehwa says: 1) what is your favorite part about being a mod? i'd say seeing members dropping random appreciation posts and messages would be my favorite part! there were times where i tend to overthink and become a mess. although it may just look like a simple ask, random messages like these really makes my day. 2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far? my first 'project'! its something i planned all by myself and to receive positive feedbacks makes me feel proud of it! i'm usually pessimistic when it comes to myself so this is really a big deal for me. this project is not out yet but will definitely be revealed in the future ;) 3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!) the best part is of course the community!! i never expect myself to stick to a rp for this long. there is this saying, 'the muns keep the rp running'. without you guys, lgc will not be where we are today! 4) anything else you would like to mention? i just want to say that although i'm not close with everyone, i do hope i can get to know more lovely people here! and i thank you guys for staying with us throughout this journey. i'm sure lgc will still continue to stand strongly for the months or even years to come <3

#lgckrp #✧ .・゜゜leaf talks

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mirrerover · 4 years

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Shipyard Stars

Spock’s bedroom on Earth would be called spacious by almost everyone’s standards. His parents allocated him almost the entire third level in the building -adequate room to meditate, study, and exercise- upon their arrival one year ago. His father out of practical reasons, his mother for reasons Spock believes might be partially grounded in emotions. Perhaps guilt for uprooting his life on Vulcan. Or out of an impulse to cosset him as human mothers are prone to. Both unnecessary.

The space is minimal and open, per Vulcan tradition, but never seems as small as it does with James Tiberius Kirk at the centre of it. With Jim comes a presence that seems to large to be contained by his adolescent body. Jim is a bright blaze of fire and gold, feelings boldly crackling in the air around him in a way that would be considered shameful on Spock’s home planet. But there’s never shame in the kaleidoscope of Jim’ many human emotions. Only anger.

Spock observes Jim from his mat on the floor. He had been meditating when interrupted by Jim climbing in through the window to unapologetically rummage through his drawers. Jim has taken to keeping many of his things at Spock’s place where they cannot be confiscated by his mother or teachers. A safe place as Spock’s parents haven’t entered his room or gone through his possessions without his explicit permission since he was four.

“May I enquire to the reason for your presence?”

Jim turns over one of his data pads in his hand before depositing it back where he found it.

“They’re sending her up soon.”

After a year on Earth, Spock has become very familiar with how humans will eschew clear and concise language in favour of a mixture of verbal and nonverbal cues. Jim in particular will start every conversation somewhere in the middle, brain ten steps ahead of his words, confident Spock will catch up to him. This time it’s easy. The newest addition to the fleet has been nearly all that Jim has spoken of these last few months.

“The final stages of assembly will require the ship to be in orbit.”

Jim’s bright blue eyes lock with Spock’s briefly before he returns to his task of depositing and retrieving his belongings in Spock’s space at will.

“It’ll be impossible to get to her up there.”

Spock knows this to be the truth. But he has also learned that for however loud and brash Vulcans and humans alike might consider Jim to be, the things Jim does not say or do can be just as telling.

“You do not possess access clearance to it on Earth either.”

Jim sighs and rolls his eyes towards the heavens, indicating that he finds Spock particularly obtuse at this moment. The gesture used to irk Spock. Maybe it still would if he wasn’t trained from a young age in controlling such a feeling because –despite Jim possessing a remarkable mind compared to his human peers— Spock has been at the top of his classes for his entire life, even back on Vulcan where his genetic heritage was thought to put him at a disadvantage. And these days he’s more aware of Jim’s tendency to manipulate others into action by appealing to their baser instincts. Like pride.

“Y’know, I’ve found that a lot of the times it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

There’s a tremor in Spock’s eyebrow that has started to plague him ever since his family moved to Iowa.

“You are choosing short term gratification over long-term gains. Your freedom gets reduced every time you break the rules people set for you.” Jim seems completely preoccupied with packing his bag while Spock considers this a notion worth his attention. “Some might call that short-sightedness.”

The tool Spock gifted Jim for his birthday, a scanner of Vulcan technology that had made Jim come alight upon receiving it, is shoved into the bottom of his bag.

“She would never let me.”

Spock has little doubt that Admiral Winona Kirk would not grant access to two members of the public to roam around on what was going to be Starfleet’s most technological advanced ship in the fleet. Regardless of one of them being her youngest son. Or the other the son of one of their most important foreign diplomats.

Still.

“You should address your query through the proper channels.”

“What’s the point of proper channels if they’re not gonna listen anyway? All that’ll accomplish is tipping them off.” Jim zips the bag closed with unnecessary force and smiles a smile that Spock isn’t sure could be qualified as a smile at all. A sharp and cutting thing showing teeth but no happiness. “Wouldn’t be the same anyway. There’s a difference with having to make do with what people give you and just going out there and capturing it.”

Spock has noticed a growing fascination on Jim’s part with stealing, both in the literal and metaphorical sense, that he firmly resolves to curb in the future.

“I agree,” Spock says, eyes firmly locked with Jim’s. “Things freely given and things taken by force cannot be considered the same.”

Silence can be even louder than words when wielded by James Tiberius Kirk. He lets his gaze wander pointedly across Spock’s room and the sophisticated educational tools provided within it. Material possessions that Spock doesn’t share with anyone but Jim.

“Some are given more than others.”

Jealousy. An emotion even humans strive to repress. But Spock knows that it doesn’t drive Jim as much as it controls many other humans he has encountered. Fairness. Injustice. Those are the primary motivators of Jim’s anger even at his relatively young age.

“Yes,” Spock acknowledges. “We are not born equal.”

There’s a pause to Jim, as if he’s deciding whether he will allow Spock's acknowledgement of his world view to kill the momentum of his growing anger. Within their time together, Spock has become apt at sensing and steering Jim’s moods in a way no one else in Jim’s life has. And Jim, possessing great skill at picking people’s motivations apart himself, seems to constantly swing between joy at being known by Spock and fearful rebellion at being so completely seen by another person.

Vulnerability. Jim hardly ever shows it like he does now, body still and voice soft: “What if this is my only chance? To be on a ship like her?”

Fear. Spock has discovered that in Jim fear and anger run close at times. Sometimes Jim chooses anger because he prefers it over the cold touch of fear. Fear at not living up to his parents, fear of never leaving Iowa, fear of never exploring the stars. His dreams slowly suffocating between the endless oppressive stretches of corn until they die.

“You’ll serve aboard many star ships when you join Starfleet,” Spock says decisively. Like there is no doubt Jim will join the ranks of Earth’s primary space branch. And Spock doesn’t have any doubts. Jim has many qualities that humans admire in one another. Qualities that would even garner respect from non-humans. From Vulcans.

Spock speaks the words as he speaks all his words. Because he thinks they deserve to be heard. And even though Jim is heading towards the exit, shoulders squared like he’s already willing his soft-spoken question into a soon forgotten memory, Spock has little doubt his answer is being heard. Spock finds his own words throw back into his face by Jim in the most inopportune of moments.

“So,” Jim says, caught in the doorway like a frozen storm, “you comin’?”

Within hours of first meeting him Spock had discovered that in Jim’s world there were clear sides. His mother, verbally abusive stepfather, and other figures of authority on one side. And Jim, fierce and alone, abandoned by his older brother, on the other. But since the start Spock had recognized the falsehood of this lone wolf narrative Jim had spun for himself. Their peers are drawn to Jim; they rally behind him in his school rebellions, captivated by his charisma, and cheer him on in his revolts. The day Jim realises the full scope of his magnetism would surely prove to be… interesting.

Also, there is Spock. Where Jim goes, Spock follows, despite his human mother’s reservation and his Vulcan father’s disapproval. Spock’s presence to curtail some of Jim’s most reckless impulses could only prove to be beneficial. It is the logical choice.

So Spock rises from the bed and smooths down the creases in his robes. “I shall accompany you.”

A siren starts to blare in the distance.

“You think that’s for us?”

They’d ventured deeper into the belly of Starfleet’s future flagship than Spock had anticipated beforehand. Jim had been prepared, as Spock had known he would be, circumventing the security with his mother’s cloned Starfleet credentials. The Vulcan technology Spock had gifted Jim in the past played a key role in this deception and had immediately forced Spock to re-examine the tools deemed save to bestow upon Jim’s moral creativity and technical aptitude.

Spock tilts his head to the left in consideration. “Our breaking and entering would seem the most likely explanation for setting off the alarms to a secured facility.”

“Yeah,” Jim agrees, seemingly in awe of the flashing red lights and ear-piercing shrill of the alarm bouncing off the walls in increasing urgency.

Then Jim does something so illogical it stuns. He laughs, deep and boisterous, shaking his frame with tremors as if his body can’t contain the wealth of mirth he’s feeling. A display of emotion so blatant it would be considered indecent back home. Unseen. Spock can feel heat rising to his cheeks.

“We should run,” Jim says when he catches his breath, pupils blown wide in excitement.

“It would be futile. The activated security measures would take too long for us to circumvent. The chance of achieving a successful escape is negligible.”

Another pearl of laughter rips from Jim’s throat. The sound tugging at a counterpart hidden somewhere deep inside that Spock keeps carefully locked behind years of rigid mental training.

“They’ll never take us alive.”

A nonsensical statement as Starfleet would never use deadly force on two adolescent children but Spock knows Jim is alluding to something else he can’t grasp the meaning of yet. Jim’s mother tongue is full of allegories and again Spock curses the language’s lack of precision and layered meanings. But Spock is yet to find a puzzle he can’t solve if he fully applies himself and he doesn’t see how a single teenage human boy could be any different.

Then Jim runs, a flash of gold down a corridor.

And Spock runs after.

@anarchisticandy @blueberrymafia, I finished a 1500 word Spirk drabble I started for you guys 2 years ago. XD

Inspired by one of our fav fics Magpie by @waldorph

#mirre writes #spirk #star trek fanfic #spirk fanfic

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mousehole5000 · 4 years

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this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.” - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.” - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

#tgcf liveblog #it is Complete i can move on now #i actually have a lot more thoughts about hl because i uhhhh relate. to things. and have opinions due to my experiences #but its also quite Personal soooo i might just keep them tucked away #anyway im freeeeeee #mouse mumbles

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gaiapaia · 3 years

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Kermit and Friends: Regulus

This week’s special guest was Aaron Ozee, author of the very popular children’s book Regulus. The book was such a hit that it was made into an animated film, also titled Regulus. You can purchase the book here and rent or buy a digital version of the film here.

Regulus is about a ‘Rat King’ who refuses to share his cheese with the mice he considers beneath him. Unfortunately for the Rat King, he loses his King status and the bully then becomes the bullied.

The book has a very strong anti-bullying message, and Elisa’s first question to Aaron Ozee was about that. Aaron would explain how he was bullied growing up and how it deeply affected him in a bad way, only then to use it as motivation in an effort to help others going through the same kind of bullying he suffered as a kid.

Bullying would be a strong theme throughout the rest of the show. Elisa got bullied for the shirt she wore, she was verbally abused by her fiancé, accused of exploitation by a moron, dogged by multiple KAF Wrap-Up show hosts... I mean, Elisa was catching flack from all angles this week for little to no reason. It was unbelievable and a bit disheartening if you’re like myself and care about Elisa.

Andy Dick is simply out of control. After trying to con Elisa out of $650 earlier in the week, he called her a “Fat whore” among other horrible names at The Grove in front of strangers and children on Saturday. He even got his ‘boyfriend’ Lucas to join in on the harassment. Just an awful situation that no one deserves, especially Elisa who has treated Andy like absolute gold these last couple of months.

Elisa finally seemed fed up with Andy’s abuse, but it wouldn’t last long. After claiming she was done with him, Andy actually appeared on the show just as Elisa was getting ready to end it. He was being nice and I could tell right away that Elisa would let him back in her good graces.

Andy would give a half-assed apology for his actions from the previous day, only then to call Elisa crazy and psychotic, only again to apologize after that. Elisa not only accepted his apologies but then offered to take him out to eat after the show. It seemed like she wanted to shift all the blame on to that Lucas guy, letting Andy completely off the hook.

People who don’t like Elisa will look at this behavior and call her weak, or they will say she’s hanging on to Andy no matter what he does just because he’s famous. The idiots who say that would be very wrong.

Elisa doesn’t have an angle. She’s been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I’m afraid Elisa doesn’t love herself so she’s more attracted to people that treat her like crap. Elisa will turn 33 in June so she’s old enough where this isn’t some wild young woman phase. My theory is subconsciously Elisa believes she deserves the abuse. It could possibly stem from her parents shipping her off to a demonic boarding school where it stuck with Elisa that sort of treatment is what she deserves in this life. She doesn’t deserve it, though. Not at all.

Elisa may not agree with me but I feel I’m right about this because I’m speaking from personal experience. I deal with the same self-loathing issues I believe Elisa has, but it’s easy for me to sit here and say Elisa should start loving herself more than to look in the mirror and tell myself the same. One of the many reasons why I will never look at Elisa in a bad light is because I can relate to the inner-struggle she’s been going through all these years. I just wish there was a way Elisa could see herself in the same spectacular light I see her in.

Elisa talked about these grandiose visions she had of herself and Andy, being featured on the cover of Forbes magazine, creating hit music, starring in movies... the works.

Just think about this... if you’re reading this blog, you already know how talented Elisa is, even if you don’t like her. You know she’s already achieved a level of success that not 1% of the population will achieve in the entertainment industry. So why does she need someone like Andy freakin’ Dick in order to vision herself on the cover of Forbes magazine? Imagine if Elisa set the goal without a man or anyone else’s help by her side... could she do it? I 100% believe she could if she gave it her all. I understand success isn’t anywhere near as fulfilling when you don’t have anyone to share it with, but you should at least strive to share your success with someone who treats you well.

Anyways, I apologize for jumping out of the review to share my personal feelings. I’m not happy with Andy, I’m not happy with that relationship. I want Elisa to have fun and create a show she can be proud of. It’s easier to accomplish that with a wacky outgoing famous guy like Andy Dick, I get that... but at this point, in my opinion, it’s not worth it if this is how Andy is going to treat Elisa.

Elisa is a grown woman though capable of making her own decisions. I will always love Elisa and wish the best for her because I know she has a beautiful heart/soul and her intentions are always good. There’s more I want to say about the situation but I’ll move on.

Back to Aaron Ozee... he gave a fantastic interview. He’s a very positive guy with big goals but also humble and polite. T-Bob tried to ruffle Aaron’s feathers with a couple of asinine questions about Black Lives Matter, and Aaron couldn’t have handled it more eloquently, even winning Trumpster Bob over (no easy feat). I was extremely impressed. On top of that, Aaron was respectful and non-judgmental to every KAF regular he talked to. Just a truly swell guy and I hope to see him more often on the show.

Kermit made a couple of new friends this week. One was Johnny B’s alter ego, Joannie B. Think Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire and that’s Joannie B. Very humorous stuff. A guy in some kind of Star Wars helmet named White Kanye also made his debut on Kermit and Friends. Apparently he’s been in some escapades with Andy Dick and told some stories. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell if he was being truthful.

Chris Christine blessed the show with her presence again. She opened up about the 20 years she spent in the American military and how it led to some traumatic mental anguish. Chris credited an Andy Dick Cameo she received as to why she didn’t commit suicide a couple of years ago. She was incredibly sweet and even offered to pay Andy that $650 I mentioned above. Chris also said a lovely prayer for Elisa and Andy. What a sweet soul Chris is all around, she’s easily one of my new favorites.

Sharmin and Dr. Roy joined us in Miami. They’ve been having a vacation together and they helped Elisa sort through her feelings regarding Andy. It was awesome to see them having fun and looking so happy.

Eric Riggs had another sex video presented on the show, this time involving a pen and his rear end. Eric called in and made Elisa shut off the video before the conclusion. He was fine with last week’s sex tape but I guess this week he felt embarrassed. Eric would later read a poem about some woman named Mindy that owes him money, which also somehow involved Elisa’s vagina and horseradish. One of the weirdest poems I’ve ever heard but hey... that’s Kermit and Friends.

Barry “Boss” Mezey called into the show to accuse Elisa of exploiting Kermit’s friends. Barry fails to realize that Elisa gives a platform to literally anyone who wants to make use of it, and the people who garner the most interest from the audience are the people Elisa will feature the most, just like every other reality show in human existence. Barry’s phone calls could not have been more wrong, shame on him.

Lastly, Elisa sort of snapped this week on a chatter by the name of Nikki. Nikki criticized Elisa’s shirt and then said she could have a more popular show than Kermit and Friends if she tried. I think Elisa had some pent up frustration regarding Andy and sort of it took it out on Nikki, which by my estimation Nikki honestly deserved anyway. I just wish Elisa had that same fire not to put up with Andy’s BS. But Nikki has said some very mean things about Elisa in the past, both on Discord and on other Kermitarian related streams, so it’s not like Elisa attacked some innocent princess who made one bad comment. Nikki can be funny but she’s not a nice person at all, so while I commend Elisa for apologizing and feeling guilty over her words to Nikki... sometimes the bully gets bullied just like in Regulus.

The show ended with Elisa playing yet another tremendously creative music video from her talented co-host, Sugar. Overall it was a good show. The interview with Aaron was very professional and well done, and the Andy stuff I’m certain was entertaining for most people. KAF continues to deliver every week, just as I’m sure it will next week. 'Til then, I sincerely thank everyone for reading and I hope you all have a superb week... well, unless your name is Andy Dick, in which case you deserve a very bad week with another bite to the face from my main man Fozzie.

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darkpoisonouslove · 4 years

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2, 8, 9, 10, 15 📝 asks

2. What is your approach to world building?

Well, that’s easy. I wait and see what my brain will vomit at me and then try to find a way to connect everything so that it makes sense. Any initiative from my side is expressed in just thinking about stuff I want to include and throwing it all in only to start stirring and trying to find a way to make it all fit together. If it’s fic we’re talking about and it’s an AU, I will try to pick a starting point (if my brain hasn’t done it already) and from there figure out what the story needs by looking for parallels to canon and just feeling for what is right. It is all pretty intuitive. I just catch a thread from the tapestry before me that I can’t even see and start feeling my way up, down and sideways until I’ve made it through the whole image and can actually put something comprehensive on the sheet.

8. What’s your philosophy on writing romantic relationships?

Um... banter? Sarcasm? Joking around with each other? Honestly, I am not all that sure HOW I write romance. It just happens. I guess one thing that is a constant in writing romantic relationships is trust. That is what I put in the core of every romantic relationship I write and it all goes from there based on how much/little of that there is and what are the reasons behind the shifts in that. It doesn’t have to be trust in each other necessarily. It can be trust in themselves, in the relationship, in the circumstances, in the universe, etc. That starts creating a conflict in the story and that is pretty much all that is important to me in a story - the conflict. There has to be something that is creating struggle and tension - not necessarily inside the relationship but concerning it in some way in order to make the characters start reacting and turning the cogs of the relationship between them. The best way to really show a relationship is to push it into motion and make the characters work with and for it.

9. How do you write kissing scenes?

I sigh, repeat how much I don’t want to do it, try to resist the temptation to bang my head against the wall, spend way too much time thinking about it until words have lost all meaning, get fed up, bullshit my way through it, then sob when I realize that I will have to get back to it and fix it later on. I try to think about the feelings that it expresses and try to make sure everyone has exactly two hands - no more, no less. I get outraged when I know I am not done and I need yet another paragraph even though I don’t know what to put in it. I think about it some more. I curse myself for deciding to be a writer. I decide I am done with it and I don’t care how well it has turned out because it will have to do since kisses are literally my least favorite things to write about... I think I need to try a more minimalistic approach when it comes to kissing. Or at least, like... more concise. Aka I have to stop overthinking everything and go with the instinctive approach. Works for everything else, might work for that as well because the current approach is just torture. You tell me how well that is shown/hidden in the ready product. I’m sorry if this sounds like a joke. I am absolutely serious. I dread kissing scenes because I never know what to do with them.

10. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I flip a coin. XD Okay, that was a joke. I haven’t perfected a foolproof system yet. Sometimes it just feels natural to end a chapter somewhere and other times I have actually planned the whole thing well, meaning that I know what the arc for that chapter is and end the chapter when I think the arc is complete. And other times, I use the chaotic approach and end it at a place I think will create tension and trepidation for the next chapter. Honestly, endings either come to me or I have to force them on the page. Left to Heritage, for example, was a goddamn beast when it came to the ending because I knew WHERE it had to end but I didn’t know HOW to end it. One of my kinktober entries was running overly long and I caught myself just writing useless paragraphs so I had to delete the last three or four and finish the damn sentence before that. It didn’t feel like a good ending but it was certainly better than when the text was running away from me. Usually, the idea is to end a chapter when it feels enough. Either I have said everything I have to say or I don’t think I should say more just yet. However, that is not always true. In A Home You Never Knew How to Have I had to split a couple of chapters in twos because they were getting obscenely long and that was not really done in a “correct” manner but I tried to look for a place where the split wouldn’t feel like you’re falling off a bridge that hasn’t been finished but would feel like you’ve stopped at a gas station to get yourself a drink and an ice cream/chocolate... croissant... I think it is time to end this chapter. XD

15. If you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

Hmm, specific to me... I am pretty content with the development of my writing skills on a technical level so I think that I would say to myself “Don’t take pride in your stories, take joy in them.” When you feel like you have done something so well, when you think of a story as an accomplishment and then it doesn’t get the response you were hoping for, it feels like your accomplishment is invalidated and it starts getting boggled down with all those negative feelings. Instead, if you look at the stories as sources of emotions, it makes that almost impossible because everyone reacts differently to the same emotions and you can never talk about objectivity when it comes to them. It makes it a lot easier to shrug off things like that because the story has already fulfilled its purpose - to bring you joy (or tears) and putting it out in the world can only bring more of that if it also manages to do the same for someone else. I think that detaching your ego from your work can be a wonderful thing for both the writer and the writing because it makes everything about the process, not the product. And the process is the product in a way. A story written with heart and passion will always be more touching than a story that’s written as some sort of a contest entry to prove your skills. I am astounded by how long it took me to get to this point and I think it will be hard to start actually adopting this view and implementing it when it comes to writing simply because of the way I have been taught to do everything - to realize my potential and achieve what hasn’t been achieved yet. Really, the superiority complex has been woven in me through my upbringing from the very start and it will take a lot of effort to disentangle it from my brain and my fingers but I think it can only do me good to get used to the idea that my worth does not depend on my creations and the response they get. I am not here to impress anyone but myself. And I impress myself with every single sentence I write with the love it reveals for the story, for the characters, for the writing itself and for myself by expressing my inner world instead of hiding it as if it shouldn’t see the light of day. And I would also tell my younger self to watch the usage of “when” and a couple other words because it got extremely excessive at one point and I am still mad about how long it took me to notice that. Though, I guess that was just from excitement to get the story out and I need to let it go as a first step towards that new process of writing I am aiming for.

This got pretty rambly and not very concrete but it got me thinking about upgrades I need to make to my writing process so thank you for sending this!

#writing #my writing process #about me #personal #fanfic #ask #her-majesty-wears-jeans

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softestgentlest · 5 years

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Lily & Harry - high school fanfic

Harry Styles.

Harry fucking Styles.

An egotistical, quick witted asshole with a silver tongue and easy charisma.

He's also irritatingly privileged; not only is he filthy fucking rich, but he's also extraordinarily intelligent, and to top it all off, positively, mercilessly, despicably gorgeous. As if he wasn't already dealt the winning hand, his otherworldly physical attractiveness afforded him the freedom to do whatever the hell he pleased, whenever, and wherever he wanted to do it.

And, of course, in some cruel twist of fate, he most often chose to utilize his influence by victimizing me: Lillian Mercier, a quiet, harmless junior, whose sole desire is to graduate ASAP, so I can move onto Cambridge University by the Fall of next year.

I'm on track to receive my diploma a year early, according to my guidance counselor, but I've got to keep my GPA above a 3.8 at least, if I have any hope of getting admitted into my uni of choice.

My mind is humming, sifting through upcoming exams, assignments, papers that need writing, and a number of other priorities as I open up my locker.

I'm just pulling out my SAT prep book, when a series of excited murmurs echo through the crowded hallway. A girl a few feet away turns, whispering to her friend, "I think my ovaries just exploded, dude. Look at Harry's haircut."

I roll my eyes, swapping the prep book with the AP English text that's currently weighing down my bag. I try to focus on my mental "to do" list, but I'm now annoyingly in-tune with the girl's conversation, unable to block them out.

"I know! How could he have gotten even hotter? And look at his outfit...like, he can literally make anything look good."

"Oh my goooodd dude, he's graduating this year. I honestly think I'll die, like, he's the only thing that makes this school tolerable."

"Shhhh, they're coming over here."

The girls go quiet, and I tense, keeping my eyes trained on the interior of my locker. Harry will be graduating at the end of the year, as he's a senior, and with that knowledge, I feel intensely relieved.

Even if I can't graduate early, he'll be gone, and I'll actually be able to enjoy my senior year.

A smile plays across my lips as I stretch to reach the top shelf of my locker, standing on my tippy toes. I'm 5'3, and these lockers were clearly built by men of average height, with little to no regard for high schoolers of smaller statures.

I know I threw some flash cards up there in the rush to make the bus yesterday, but even when I step up and onto the metal base of my assigned storage space, I still can't seem to-

I gasp, as I lose my footing and fall backwards. Luckily - or, maybe unluckily - my fall is broken by something solid. I hear a soft grunt, and large hands grip my waist, steadying me.

I pant, pressing a hand to my racing heart, when I feel something soft brush against the sensitive shell of my ear, "good morning to you too, clumsy."

I shiver, and pull away, immediately recognizing that deep, accented voice as it burns hotly into my skin.

Do not engage, I mentally remind myself, forcing my trembling hands to occupy themselves with the contents of my backpack.

He tssks, clicking his tongue, "Aren't you going to thank me?"

"Thanks." I concede through gritted teeth.

He chuckles, leaning too close for comfort once again, "it was my pleasure, Lillian." His voice drops an octave on the word 'pleasure,' giving it an unnecessarily sexual undertone, if only to get under my skin.

At the corner of my vision, I see his shadowed silhouette as he leans against the locker beside mine, tall and domineering as ever.

I ignore his presence, slowly zippering up my bag, and securing my lock, before reluctantly turning to face him.

The first thing I notice is the lack of hair. What had once been long, lustrous, chocolaty curls, is now shortened gossamer strands of hair falling over his forehead in a provocative, untidy tumble. The new cut exposes his defined jawline, and those sharp, light catching cheekbones.

As usual, he's dressed to the nines, somehow managing to make his unexpected attire look effortlessly appealing. Today, he's clad in a strange mix of professional, and bohemian pieces: a blue and white checkered wool jacket, a dark pinstriped suit, a red beaded necklace. He's got on bright pink socks, and white loafers, and his signature assortment of rings.

I clear my throat when he catches me checking him out, "Harry, I didn't know you could sew."

He looks perplexed, considering my assumption with furrowed brows, "I can't."

"Oh, then I suppose it was your mother who made that jacket from one of her tablecloths?"

He tilts his head to one side, and runs his fingers roughly through his freshly cut curls, "this," he snarks, smoothing his hands down the woolen fabric, "is a $2,000 jacket, love."

I roll my eyes, hitching my bag over my shoulder, and turn to walk away, only to come face to face with Mitch and Nick, two of Harry's equally asinine friends.

"Excuse me." I prompt. The two boys ignore me, smirking over my head at their scumbag leader.

I huff, turning back around, knowing full well that they aren't going to do anything unless he commands it. "I don't have time for this, Harry." I cross my arms, pursing my lips in annoyance, "I'm gonna be late to class, and so are you."

His mouth curves dangerously, drawing my attention to the pillow-soft push of his lips. "And we wouldn't want that, now would we, Lillian?" he pronounces my name so that it drips from his shapely lips leisurely, provocatively. "What with your big plans to graduate early."

Immediately, I recoil, meeting his expectant stare with wide eyes, "H-how...?"

"Oh, you thought I wouldn't find out?" He pushes off the lockers, Stepping closer, "did you know that you're GPA is just .01 points less than mine?" His voice is honeyed, sickeningly sweet - it sets off warning bells in my head.

I swallow nervously, taking a small step backwards, "I don't see what that has to do with my plan-"

"Oh, but it has everything to do with your plans." Again, he advances, but this time I hold my ground, tilting my head to meet his stare, "you see, we weren't competing before...not really. But, if you graduate ahead of your class and maintain that same GPA, well...Cambridge won't even look at me, regardless of my achievements, because you'll have the edge."

I blink, processing his words, "You want to go to Cambridge...?"

He quirks a dark brow, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement.

I'm dumbfounded, "But...but I-you...but-that's just ridiculous!" I nearly stomp my foot at the sheer absurdity of the notion, but opt to clench my fists at my sides instead.

He looks utterly amused, and leans a bit closer, a challenge in his eyes: "is that right?"

"Why would you want to go to Cambridge?!" I note how whiny my voice sounds, but I'm too distressed to care.

He's full on grinning now, his emerald eyes dancing with glee. "wouldn't you like to know" He purrs in that slow, sexy drawl, his voice dropping so low that it can only be heard by the two of us.

It is then that the bell rings, shrill and disruptive, tearing me from his trance-like stare.

I realize how close we've gotten, our faces perhaps six inches apart. I can feel the warmth of his body radiating off of him and wrapping around me. Before I can stop myself, I inhale his intoxicating scent: spicy and earthy and masculine, like cigarettes and pine and the leather spines of old books.

For a fraction of a second, my eyes slip shut...he smells so damn good.

Then, just as quickly, I blink, and step back, my heart racing in my chest. I did NOT just...

He straightens, raking his eyes over my trembling frame with an air of affected smugness. Silently, he steps the side, watching me as I collect myself, an embarrassing blush infusing my cheeks.

Slowly, I move down the hallway towards my class, uncharacteristically unconcerned with the possibility of being marked tardy. I can tell that he's following, as students all around turn to stare behind me. We're in the same English class.

My brain seems to have gone into overdrive, conjuring up insane reasons for why I'd smelled him and liked it enough to consider doing it again. Impossible. Harry's a prick. The bane of my existence. Sure, he's wildly attractive, but never have I ever been even remotely interested in him...sexually. So what the hell was that?

Why am I all hot and blushing and trembly? Why?! Especially after he'd dropped the Cambridge bomb! I mean, really? Of all the schools for him to choose, it had to be my dream school. And of the thousands of people I'll be competing with to be admitted, it just had to be him.

Harry's one of the smartest people I've ever met, and he's got the resources and connections to get into any school he wants. The chances of two kids from the same high school getting into Cambridge are absolutely zero, and whether I graduate early or not, Harry's a shoe in for a spot there - he's the ideal student: rich and intelligent and driven, with a shit ton of community service and extracurriculars under his belt, and with a number of published poems and short stories.

He'll take my spot there just by aiming his perfect white grin in the right direction. And if we were both admitted, by some miracle, that would be even worse! 6 more years with him?! I'd die. I couldn't take it. I'd-

"Ah!" I gasp, colliding with a tall boy for the second time today. My books fly out of my arms again, and I fall flat in my ass with a soft yelp of pain.

"Woah! Are you ok?" A voice asks, and I glance up to find a familiar blonde boy looking down at me.

"Um, y-yeah." I say, quickly moving to stand up. Like a gentleman, he reaches down, offering me a hand, and I take it, allowing him to pull me gently to my feet. "Uh, sorry about that. I wasn't paying attention..." I smile sheepishly,

"Oh, no, it's totally fine." He grins back, then kneels down to pick up my books. "As long as your ok."

"Really, I'm fine." I giggle, kneeling down to help. "Your Neil, right? I think we have psych together?"

He hands me my things, standing up, "close! It's Niall, and yeah, 6th period right?"

I nod, "Niall. Yeah, I'm Lily. I'm the one always shouting out the answers and then getting yelled at." I giggle nervously, feeling a little self conscious around this boy with pretty blue eyes and a kind smile.

He laughs, "well, I'm definitely not one to shout out answers. I'm terrible at Psych." He gestures for me to walk with him, and I do, "I'll walk you to your class, just to make sure your alright."

I roll my eyes playfully, but follow, "I already ran into you. Don't let me be the reason that your late to class too."

I lead the way to the English wing, and we joke lightly about our Psych teacher, Mrs. Campbell. By the time we've arrived, the bell has rung, and I know that he's going to be late because of me, but he doesn't seem to care.

"Hey," he calls out, just as I'm about to open the door to my classroom, "maybe you could tutor me sometime? In Psych? You always seem to be yelling the right answers, and I could really use the help..." he rubs the back of his neck nervously, and I can't help but smile at how cute he looks.

"It's the least I can do after running into you." I say, "let's talk in class later?"

"Yeah, sure!" He backs down the hallway, "I'll see you then, Lily!"

When I enter the classroom, there's still a smile on my face, and I quietly make my way to an empty seat in the back. My teacher, Mr. Gray, shoots me an inquisitive look, since I'm not one to show up late to my favorite class, but he doesn't call me out on it.

"Alright guys," he says, "while I was reading you essay submissions from last week, I noticed quite a few spelling errors, so I thought we might have a little bit of a...spelling bee today, just to see where we all stand when it comes to commonly misspelled words." The class groaned collectively, and he laughed, "nothing to worry about. This won't count for a grade, I just want a chance to see where everyone stands. It'll be fun!"

Mr. Gray proceeded to split the class into two groups, and two at a time, he called students up to the board, and in tournament fashion, the winner played the winner from the opposite team. I could tell that he was saving certain students for the end, since they would likely beat out all the competition, thereby depriving their teammates of turns. By the time it got to me, only a few students were left on the opposing team.

"Ok, Kim," he called to my competitor, "your word is Accidentally" Kim correctly spelled two words, and then swapped out with another teammate, Jamie, who only beat me on one word.

"Alright, this is it, guys. Last two. Harry, join Lily up front."

Immediately, my eyes found him, just as the rest of the class turned to watch him rising from his seat. He took a step towards me. Then another. I sort of shivered, watching him move, observing his long legs, slowly closing the space between us with their every measured step. There's something almost feline about it - the way he moves - very masculine...and very...sexual, if that makes any sense at all.

I averted my eyes as he took up the space beside me. Again, the drowsy scent of books and pine with undertones of coffee and tobacco invaded my senses, and I felt my knees threatening to buckle.

"Harry, your word is 'allegiance'"

I felt him smiling, tasted his smooth baritone, skating hotly down my spine: "A-L-L-E-G-I-A-N-C-E. Allegiance."

"Lily, controversy."

I spelled it correctly and held my breath, gazing stubbornly straight ahead.

"Harry, 'immediately.'" He did the same.

"perseverance"

"Accommodate"

"I-N-T-E-L-L-I-G-E-N-C-E, Intelligence." I glanced over at Harry, noting the look of intense boredom on his face as he stared off into the distance. Clearly, this was too easy for both of us.

"Too easy is it, Lillian?"

"Uh, w-what?" I snapped out of my reverie, glancing at Mr. Gray, who looked rather amused.

"If you think it's too easy, we can really put you two to the test. What do you think class?" Mr. Gray looked around, and the class erupted into excited giggles and shouts.

Realizing my mistake, I felt my cheeks flush hot with embarrassment, "oh I-I didn't m-mean to say that um...out loud sir..."

The damage had already been done. Mr. Gray grinned, clearly excited to have piqued the class's interest, "alright then, let's try....sacrilegious."

Harry, looking rather more alert than he had before, turned to look at me, holding my stare even as each honeyed letter fell from his lips "S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-I-O-U-S" the flecks of gold in his eyes danced, embers crackling, glittering.

"Conscientious, Lily."

"Oh, um..." I quickly averted my gaze, glancing nervously at my trembling fingers, "C-O-N..." my heart wobbled in my chest. What's comes next? "...S-C-I-E-N-T-I-O-U-S, Conscientious." I want this to be over...

Harry chuckled beside me, low and slow. I felt his eyes on me. "bureaucratic." He spelled, quick as a whip, and all eyes were back on me.

"Bourgeoisie." Amidst the nerves and exhaustion, my stubbornness gave way to another correct answer. I won't lose to him. Not this, not Cambridge.

He managed "clairvoyant," "coalescence," and "kaleidoscope." I got through "lachrymose," "mnemonic," and "pharmaceutical," and then, finally, he messed up.

I heard it in his voice first, knew before it happened that I had won. Mr. Gray - once again proving himself to be my favorite teacher- threw "triskaidekaphobia" at Harry, and we both froze.

"T-R-I-S-K....A-D-E-K-A-P-H-O-B-I-A." Harry murmured uncertainly, sounding just as breathless as I felt. The class had gone silent, and I could hear my heart racing.

"Incorrect." Mr. Gray uttered, but before the class could erupt into cheers, he continued, "let me just say, Harry, Lily, that was extraordinary. Really, very good show." He slowly began to clap, and our classmates followed suit, whooping and jeering at Harry good-naturedly.

I turned to glance at him then, not feeling very excited about having won. I couldn't help the little gasp that escaped my throat when I saw his face. He had curved his mouth into a grin, ran a hand through his hair boyishly, a calculated carelessness slackening his features - but I saw it in the way his lips twitched, in the way his eyes glossed over and darkened to muted jade.

He's upset. I realized, moving closer without really thinking about it. He's really, really upset.

"H-Harry?" I heard myself whisper, voice trembling. Everyone had, by now, moved into their own little groups, all talking animatedly about the results of our little duel, so they weren't really paying us any mind.

His smile faltered - just for a moment - "good game." He husked, his voice raw. He held out a hand, quirking a brow, watching me with those expectant eyes.

It was then, in that moment, that I realized, very suddenly, that Harry is...beautiful. Like, proper beautiful, like earth shatteringly, mind numbingly gorgeous.

The realization hit me with such immense force that I had to grab his outstretched hand to keep from crumbling to the ground. "O-oh." My mouth parts on the startled little noise, and suddenly I'm very aware of the gentle press of his cold rings against my fingers, his large hand claiming mine, the muscles in his forearm flexing as he holds me. "Uh-huh." My response catches in my throat and comes out sounding like a strangled hiccup.

Quickly, I pull away, stumbling back a few steps, I tear my eyes from his face, flailing my hands around like a monkey.

What the fuck?

•••••••••

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PART 2 💛

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles friends to lovers #harry styles imagine #harry styles x oc #fanfic #imagine

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atamascolily · 4 years

Text

Tyrant’s Test. Okay, we’re almost done here.

We open with Chewie on Kashyyyk having family time! I may re-read that section because I want to do a Kashyyyk thing later and there’s not that much detail in the TTT. Right now, I’m interested in Luke stuff.

. It’s impossible to work when the Current is in chaos. And it’s intensely uncomfortable to remain connected when the Current is carrying so much pain.

This is interesting - so the Fallanassi live the way they do by necessity as much as choice - they cannot function without peace and quiet.

We start to see more of Akanah’s perspective and realize she’s manipulating Luke to keep him with her. At least Luke is aware of it?

But that threat was also nakedly manipulative, and his reflexive resentment allowed him both to see the emotional blackmail and to resist it.

It was not that he gave no credence to the threat. Akanah’s conduct on Atzerri had made clear that she was perfectly capable of striking out on her own when her interests so dictated. But he had no compromise or concession to offer her. The old, familiar demon of Duty had reentered his consciousness during the conversation with the shipwright, and he could do nothing else until he either answered to his conscience or silenced it.

There was no point in seeking a rapprochement with Akanah until Luke knew his own mind—until he knew if he could allow himself to continue the journey.

Again, DUALITY. fuck. “my way or the highway” - LITERALLY.

For the question gnawing at Luke was not whether Leia wanted his help, but whether she needed it. If his presence might mean the difference between triumph and defeat, then he would go to her—as she had come to him in his darkest moment, aboard the clone Emperor’s flagship.

Leia had pulled him back from the precipice of the dark power, and joined her power to his to defeat Palpatine. If she had not been willing to sacrifice herself and the child inside her in confronting the reborn Emperor, Luke would never have broken the grip of the dark side—and the history of the intervening years would have been written with the pen of tyranny. He could not have done it alone.

But having seen not only the great strength in her heart but also the Jedi power she could summon, Luke was all the more loath to volunteer himself as a rescuer. He knew that Leia had within her extraordinary resources of will and power—resources she had of late become reluctant to draw upon. Luke thought that he was much of the reason, with both his example and his presence creating disincentives. It was important that she find that strength again.

It seemed to Luke that Leia had neglected, even abandoned, her own training, and that her training of the children had become unbalanced, with the disciplines of warrior and weapon excised as if they were dispensable. Luke had not spoken of it with her, but from what he had seen, it was almost as though Leia hoped to delay, training the children as Jedi clerics rather than as Jedi Knights—as if the path before her, the path he had followed, promised to take her somewhere she did not want to go.

It was her choice to make. Her destiny was no more clear to him than it was to her. But whatever that destiny was, it seemed that she was fighting it rather than following it.

And it was certain she would learn nothing from an errant Knight’s well-intentioned but unnecessary rescue—if she would even allow it to happen. Knowing her streak of aristocratic, self-reliant pride, Luke was not at all confident he could count on her to ask for help, even if she needed it—not after the fight they had had the night he left Coruscant.

No, those around her, the others who loved her, would urge Luke to return to her side, no matter what the circumstances. And Leia herself would insist that he stay away, no matter what the circumstances. It was essential that Luke make his own assessment of the situation, that the decision be his alone. And it was better that Luke stay out of sight and out of reach until the decision was made.

Hey, a Dark Empire acknowledgment! And also, again, duality: either/or. Either Leia saves herself or Luke saves her. There’s no middle ground, no compromise, not alternatives. Sigh.

As always, there were hundreds of blind messages—love letters and propositions, requests for personal favors, questions from amateur and would-be Jedi, the occasional diatribe from an Imperialist stubbornly resisting the idea that his world had changed.

Luke almost never looked at any of it. The novelty value of blatant proposals had long ago faded, and the one-two punch of praise and begging had worn thin even faster—it was as uncomfortable as being surrounded by a crowd in which everyone wanted to touch him.

So let me get this straight: Luke is constantly being bombarded with e-mail requests, yet he’s unaware that women want Jedi babies? UNREAL.

The young woman looked up at him with eyes widened by surprise. Her tattooed forehead and cheeks marked her as a follower of the Duality, a popular and benign Tarrack cult founded on the twin principles of joy and service.

Oh, wow, DUALITY AGAIN.

“My goodness,” Manes said, his steps slowing as he reached the main level and saw Luke clearly. “My goodness. This is an honor.” As an afterthought, he gathered himself for a salute. “Forgive me, sir—I don’t know your proper rank—”

“I no longer hold one,” said Luke, leaning over one of the data stations.

“Oh—I see. Then I’ll confess that I’ve never met a Jedi. Nothing unusual there, I guess—I don’t know anyone who has. Is there a proper form of address—”

“You can call me Luke.”

LOL.

The event had given both such inexplicable pleasure that he hated to take those memories away from them, but he had no choice. He had already blocked the machine records of his visit from being written to the logs. Compressing a nerve here, a blood vessel there, Luke brought on a moment of unconscious paralysis, and in that moment swept the memories from their minds.

Luke is very cavalier about mucking with peoples’ minds, I’m just going to say. Why not just mind-trick them directly?? Seems like that would be less invasive that cutting off blood vessels.

By the way, this is how we learn Luke and Akanah Did It:

He leaned toward her conspiratorially. “Have you ever had sex in hyperspace?”

This time she could not contain her bubbling laugh of bemusement. “Yes,” she said, and melted away into the night.

*shakes head*

“Where the Current touches self-awareness, there is a tiny ripple—as when you sense a presence with the Force. The metaphor is more different than the means.”

“But I can’t feel anything here—nothing more than the energy of the ecosystems on the fourth and fifth planets,” Luke said. “Nothing of consciousness—nothing of will.”

“It is not consciousness or will that matters—it is the profound essence of being, nothing more,” she said. “I can perceive the crew just as you would perceive a handful of sand I scattered on the far side of a pool. From a distance, sometimes you can see only the effect, not the cause.” She smiled. “But you must be very still to see even that, for you are also of the Current, surrounded by the ripples of your being.”

Yeah, okay, so the water metaphor is spot-on.

“Best for everyone if they never see us at all,” he said as he charted the course.

“Done,” Akanah said, looking on from behind Luke’s flight couch.

Luke looked up at her quizzically. “It can’t be that easy.”

“Why not?”

“Eh—don’t you have to know who it is you’re trying to hide from?”

“Why?” she asked.

“So you have a focus. So you know whose thoughts you’re trying to deflect. It’s done with precision, not brute force.”

“That’s coercive,” she said. “And invasive. You reach into another mind and bind its thoughts, or place your own there.”

“Well—yes,” Luke said. “But the use of that power is constrained. The purpose must be important enough to justify the deed and the consequences.”

“It seems the Jedi are always finding reasons to justify their violence,” she said. “I wish you would try as hard to find ways to avoid it.”

“Violence? What violence?” Luke protested. “More often than not, all that’s required is to induce a moment’s inattention, or reinforce a suspicion. No harm is involved. A sworn Jedi would never—oh, make someone walk off a cliff thinking there was a bridge there.”

Akanah shook her head in earnest disagreement. “You, who’re immune to your own tricks—who are you to judge the harm done? You do this in secret, to lead a suggestible mind, or compel an opposed one. Do you think that those you’ve coerced see the morality of it the same as you do? Besides,” she sniffed, “it’s inefficient.”

“What?”

“Inefficient,” she repeated. “It requires your constant attention and involvement.”

“If you know an alternative, I’m your eager student.”

“What about the way you concealed your hermitage?”

Luke frowned. “That’s different. I created it from elemental substances to have that quality—to blend in with the coastline as though it were part of it.”

“It was a powerful bit of work,” she said. “When I saw it, I knew you had the gift of the Fallanassi. But you didn’t go far enough and apply the principle to its ultimate conclusion.”

“Which is—”

“To make it not merely resemble its surroundings, but merge with them,” Akanah said. Closing her eyes, she drew a deep breath. She let the breath out slowly as she lowered her chin to her chest—and then she was not there.

“I’ll be a—” Luke reached for her where she had been standing, but his hand grabbed only air. “Cute trick,” he said, taking a step toward the refresher, away from the forward deck. “Handy for breaking into libraries, escaping arranged marriages—where are you?”

“Here,” she said from behind him. He turned to find her silting sideways in the right-hand seat, wearing a small proud smile. “Did I touch your mind?”

“No,” he admitted. “Not that I could notice.”

Akanah nodded. “A long time ago, one of the Circle discovered that when she achieved a particularly profound Meditation of Immersion, she would disappear from the view of others. Much later, we learned how to take an object in with us and leave it there.”

“Where do you go when you disappear?”

“Where do you go when you dream? It’s impossible to say. What does an answer from that context mean in this one?”

“Well—is it difficult?”

She shrugged. “Once mastered, it’s no more difficult or mysterious than concealing a cup of water by pouring it in the sea.” Then she smiled. “But achieving mastery is much like trying to remove that cup of water afterward.”

“And you’ve merged this ship?”

“Yes. Some time ago, while I was in meditation.”

“Will the engines still work?”

“Did the floors of your hermitage hold you, and the roof keep out the rain?”

Luke wrinkled up his face. “So we’re completely undetectable now?”

“No,” she said. “Nothing is absolute. But we’re safe from eyes, and from the machines that are like eyes.

gotta say, Luke totally deserves being dragged so hard here, given his behavior in these books.

“If I have to pick between your being an illusion and your being real, Akanah, I think I have reason enough to know that you’re real.”

OH COME ON WHY THIS COYNESS ABOUT THE SEX, LUKE??? Are you never even going to talk about it directly???

Oh, and Luke deduces that the Fallnassi are around him, and he can’t see them, which is clever. Not all of them are human - interesting. Luke convinces them to abandon their vows and help the NR against the Yevetha.

Leia goes to see Mon Mothma, which is kinda nice. They watch birds and it’s nice for Mon to be a mentor figure to Leia.

Leia turned and looked back at her mentor. “But I still don’t know how to choose between the other two.”

“I think you do,” said Mon Mothma. “What you don’t know is how to live with the choice. And there I can be of no help to you. That secret escaped you when the clarity left you.”

“When did that happen?” Leia asked, returning to sit on the edge of the stool at Mon Mothma’s feet. “I didn’t see it go—did you? Never before in my life have I struggled with decisions, or with accepting their consequences. It’s been so strange, watching myself from the inside, wondering why this woman was speaking for me.”

“Your clarity came from your certainty that our cause was just and our purpose worthy,” Mon Mothma said. “But there is little certainty of that kind to be had in a place like the Senate, in a city like Imperial City. Certainty is eaten away by the thousand and one compromises that are the currency of democracy. Causes fall victim to the building of consensus. Accountability becomes so diffused that it vanishes, and agreement becomes so rare that it startles.”

OH NO, there’s the duality again. Luke and Leia are mirrors of each other - see Luke’s ideas about isolation vs. civilization earlier. Sigh.

#star wars #eu fuckery #the black fleet crisis

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