#i’ve been incredibly burnt out with writing recently

[arbredevies]

Little WIP sketch of Phulgrax while I continue to fix this blog up (primarily character sheets, aesthetic shouldn’t really matter).

I’ll be soft blocking blogs that I don’t have threads with here at the moment so I can focus on my current writing. Roleplay blogs are welcome to refollow, of course. Those who wish to interact in the future are welcome to DM me privately and plot.

I hope everyone has/has had a lovely day!

[thrill-seeker-vn]

Hello everyone. I have no idea how to start this post, but I want to start it as upfront as possible.

TLDR: My uncles shipped my sick grandmother to my home, and they called me to tell me only after she had already landed... when her visa was expiring very soon. And so obviously 1. My job was to keep her alive, and 2. I had to scrounge up money to send her to her home. It has been a very few stressful months. 

In between this, I hit a slump with writing, and felt very burnt out, as I had no time for it between work, trying to keep my grandmother alive, my own health, and my own business. I wish I could say I worked on Thrill Seeker in this time, but I simply couldn’t. I think a huge part of what was so daunting for me was only having myself to rely on and set the schedules, and in a way it came to be that there were lengths of time nothing could get done because there was simply no time in my life to do it. 

This is not meant to be an excuse as to why I was away from the blog for so long. It is simply what made me realize that I cannot continue alone on this project, as I would then be taunted by how much I would have to do that I would end up not being able to do anything at all. 

I was discussing this project with a friend of mine who has been beside me since I started this project, who I know shares my passion in making games, and who has rooted for me from the beginning. While I’m more interested in the storytelling, she’s incredibly fascinated with coding. During this time, we discussed perhaps making a game together-- but recently we got the opportunity to make that into a reality. 

Thrill Seeker is not ending, but rather, it will be changing format. I am so happy to say my incredible friend, Kismet (@kismet-dev), is going to be joining me to reform Thrill Seeker into a Visual Novel! She is one of my best friends and is the most organized person I know, so no more falling off the face of the Earth for me, because I’ve put a lot more planning into the game and now have someone to hold me to my schedules, too!

I understand that it could be disappointing to hear that I’m switching from an entirely text based format to a VN style. I apologize to anyone who is disappointed by this change. It’s been amazing the support I’ve gotten for this game and how many people have stuck to the project, even when I’ve been so flaky, and I want to thank you for sticking to the project when I haven’t been the most reliable developer. I am so grateful for your kindness to me, for all the people who have sent asks and been interested in my characters and story.

When I first created this project, it was just not a viable option for me to make a visual novel, as there would’ve been no chance I had the opportunity to create art, write, and code it. But creating the art for the game inspired me more than when I only had words to go off of, and many different concepts for the game that I had in mind were simply harder for me to make into reality on twine. Thanks to the absolute angel that is my friend Kismet, I will actually be able to create the vision for the game that I’ve seen in my head for the longest time. She’s an excellent programmer and such a wonderfully organized and hard worker, and I know that I wouldn’t have anyone else by my side as we begin to make games together. 

I will be making some changes to this blog as I make it more cohesive for the VN, but I will also use it as an opportunity to organize this blog for those who are interested in knowing more about the characters, settings, etc. It’s a little unorganized and hard to find certain questions, and I’ll do my best to fix that! Note that this will mean that changes are coming to the characters, and pretty major ones. I know that many of the asks I answered in the past will no longer apply to the story as I’ve changed it, so I will be reforming it quite a lot. However, what will not change is the characters themselves; they will still be gender selectable, and their personalities will still remain similar; but I feel like some of my characterization of them has been shallow, and I’m going to be fixing that. 

The launch of the game as a visual novel, with the first chapter, will be coming in August. Thank you so much for reading all this and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

[peachdues]

Burnt out/need a break

Hey besties 🤍

There’s been a lot going on in my personal life over the last few weeks — namely, work, and it has been incredibly draining. Neither writing nor reading has really brought me a ton of joy recently, though I’ve tried to muscle through it, even at the expense of sleep and general self care.

Since I started this blog in June, I’ve been pumping out content on a relatively consistent basis — including multiple full length fics, one shots, and HCs. But now, I’ve hit a wall, and I know I’m in desperate need of a break.

I spent the whole weekend trying to write and tbh, I ended up more frustrated than anything and deeply unhappy with what I produced. To me, that means I’m just not in the headspace for writing right now, and need a breather, especially with the holidays coming up (which is an incredibly busy time of year for my family considering I run thanksgiving and Christmas since my mother is no longer here. Eldest daughter probs).

I’m sorry if you’ve been waiting for Netherwood or Coalescence or any of my fics that I’ve teased in the last few weeks. I so appreciate all of the excitement around Netherwood in particular, but I don’t want to give you all a half-assed product, and I’m too attached to the story to do that anyways.

I might pop in here and there, but I’m going to be less active while I try to get through this lull and work on Netherwood for you all. Hope that’s okay, and I look forward to seeing you all soon 🤍

🍑

[si0writes]

hey fuckass if you’re so happy advocating for proshipping and how antis are stupid why aren’t you posting about palestine yet??? lemme guess you’re an isntreal supporter or smth???? fucking tranny bitch

???????????

i could write this off with a funny joke or just delete it from my inbox but I think it’s important to actually address this as this is a topic that comes up quite often at dinner since my family and I watch the news while we eat.

First of all, I’d like to start by saying that this is going to be a long post so I’m going to put it under a cut line.

TW for talk/mention of suicide, the Israel and Gaza war, the Russia and Ukraine war, mental health and aged care related issues (such as hospitalisation, death, etc)

To be perfectly clear with you anon, myself like many others, are burnt out by the amount of pain and suffering we see daily. Because I watch the news every night with the family members of mine that I currently live with along with seeing a lot of news on Twitter/X against my will because I haven’t been bothered to block the tags, I see a lot of news about Palestine and Gaza along with Ukraine and Russia. I also watch a lot of the news with my clients (I work in aged care as a home care/support worker) as they put it on when I’m cleaning to muffle the noise of a vacuum or to have visual stimulation along with audio stimulation from me being a guest of sorts in their home. Because of this, I can see the same news story about the war maybe 5 or 6, sometimes even up to 7 times in a day across various new stations depending on how many clients I have in a day.

It’s not that I don’t care about the war, I really do and my heart breaks for those who have been negatively impacted by it and for those who disagree with their country’s actions and having to be associated with it because of their nationality. It’s a horrible situation to be put in regardless of what side you’re on and I can’t imagine how that must feel for all those affected and involved. It’s just that with where I am mentally at the moment, especially with a job where I’m occasionally loosing clients because they’ve been hospitalised or pass due to old age or other health complications and commonly dealing with clients who have dementia or who have been abandoned by their families, it’s just too much to handle along with juggling my work life, social life and family life.

As much as I’d love to support everyone who comes into my inbox pleading for donations and to reblog every post asking for aid and donations, I know that it’s in my best interest to delete the messages I receive and to block the tags about the war. I don’t do that out of malice. I do it to protect myself. I suffer from incredibly violent intrusive thoughts and, more recently due to a relapse, suicidal thoughts as well. Those combined with seeing endless streams of content about the war isn’t going to help me and is just going to make my mental health worse. When the Ukraine and Russia war first started, it happened on my birthday and I did as much I could (as I was a jobless minor at the time and couldn’t afford to donate to anyone) for months advocating and boosting social media posts on my, at the time, active instagram account until it got to the point where the school therapist I was seeing told me to stop and helped me block all the tags and unfollow accounts and forums related to the war to protect my mental health from declining any further.

I’ve learnt from that experience and I know that if I don’t want to decline any further than I already have, separating myself from content to do with the war and making a bubble for myself is the smartest thing to do.

Do I engage in anti vs proshipper discourse/conversations sometimes? Yes! Does that mean I have to engage in posts about a real life war because I’m comfortable reading about war in fiction and engaging in debates about taboo ships in media? Fuck no!

Just because I sometimes have good days where I’m able to engage in conversations about fictional media where there’s taboo subjects doesn’t mean I’m also going to be mentally prepared to talk about a REAL situation where REAL people are being hurt!

Just because I don’t express it and I don’t make an effort to boost posts about it does not mean I’m not in support of it. I’m 100% in support of the war ending and I sincerely hope for everyone to come out of this war peacefully with as little casualties as possible on both sides because the amount of lives that have been lost is horrifying. This goes for both Israel and Gaza and Ukraine and Russia.

I fully believe that humans should not have to live in fear of each other. That we shouldn’t have to live in fear of bombs destroying our homes, our cultures and our livelihoods. I believe everyone had the right to freedom and that everyone has the right to food, shelter, clean drinking water, at the very least basic facilities to upkeep their hygiene in a manner suitable for them and most importantly of all, the right to be safe and free in all aspects of their lives.

If you are mentally able to post and boost content about the wars, please be my guest. However, do not attack those like me who are trying to use the internet as their escape from the horrors of stories of war and human suffering. Have a lovely rest of your day, anon. I hope you do some self reflecting and realise that your ask was disgusting and that attitudes like yours are not tolerated in my corner of the internet here on my blog.

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Okay. OKAY. Okay. Ms. Lauri… do I have some WORDS for YOU!!

First of all: I LOVED CHAPTER 10!!!

Smoked Cheese Cookie… I’ve got mixed feelings on the guy!!! Always have. The way you write him is must *mwah 👌* excellent! He feels so in-character!

Things have been rocky between him and Reader… but the ending of this chapter gives me hope that they might be able to live on more amicable terms. He wants us to return and prove him wrong! He even gave us our weapons back :’)!! (He’s expressing that he cares… even if it’s only a teensy weensy bit!!)

And our dear Reader. Their anxieties during the first third of the chapter were so real and understandable. The way they jumped to conclusions regarding Golden Cheese’s recent absences is EXACTLY how I would have reacted/felt as well. I’m glad that we were shown otherwise by Her Radiance herself…

MOZZARELLA SAYING THAT THE ROLE OF ‘CONSORT’ SUITS US… I WANTED TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT. How much does she know… HOW MUCJ DOES SHE KNOWW!!! 😭😭 And then Burnt Cheese… GOOODDD. I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. I WANTED TO DIIIEE. But I’m glad that Reader chose to ask him instead of Her Radiance because… that would have killed me forreal. (I can can imagine how amused she would be if we ever asked… she’d probably laugh too, like Mozzarella did… I would not survive.)

And now, my favorite part of the chapter: The fondue springs scene.

When we walked by and we saw Golden Cheese with her two servants… ough. I immediately felt like we were intruding. And… I was… perhaps… perchance… a little… jealous….

My heart leapt to my THROAT when she called out to us and asked us to join them. I felt so CONFLICTEDDD. I oh so desperately wanted to join her, but I also didn’t want to see the servants touching her so… tenderly 😔

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting of Her Radiance in that situation, but I was (pleasantly) surprised when she was so openly affectionate with us!! It almost felt like she was showing us off ><..

I also wonder what she was thinking in that moment… she probably sensed our yearning but did she also sense our envy? Our insecurity?

(Might be a stretch, but I almost felt as if she was trying to warm us up to the idea of being around servants… mayhaps to get us used to it for the long term; easing us into a new lifestyle. Is she planning to bring us around more? I wonder if Mozzarella’s suggestion of ‘consort’ holds any weight to it…)

Also, when the servants asked if we wanted to watch them preen Her Radiance’s wings… I yelled at the screen!! YES!!! I WANT TO!!!

I hope we learn how to do it ourselves eventually!!! I’d love to be able to tend to her like that.

And of course, the ending of the chapter. I was incredibly sad that we had to leave again :’( But Reader is so courageous for volunteering to guide the messenger back to their kingdom!! No one else could have suited the job better, honestly. Her Radiance has faith in us as well, so I’m sure that it will all go smoothly! (Unless you have other plans in store for us…)

With that we are coming to our last chapter! I’m as excited as I am sad… it’s bittersweet to see a good thing come to an end. You’ve written a wonderful fic, Lauri!! And I wish you luck in sticking the landing!!! I’m also looking forward to that trivia chapter :]c

Thank you for writing this amazing story!

— 🐝

H-holy CRAP, bee anon....Hi to you, too! XD I-it's been a while....I was curious how you felt, but.....y-yowza.....! Putting it all out there at once, huh....?

I'm glad that someone enjoyed Mozzarella's consort troll.....w-well, maybe "enjoyed" isn't the right word, if you felt so much secondhand embarrassment? B-but, that also counts as it doing it's job, pffff....I-it was also supposed to be funny, but that works too, especially if you've been in similar situations....Y'know, not knowing what something means, asking about it, and shame ensues when it hits you what it is.....Hey, it happens....! XD

As for how much Mozzarella knows.....well, she hasn't spelled it out to Reader in-universe, but I still tried to make it obvious in the last two chapters, uh.....Y-yeah, she knows about their crush. She's known for a whiiiiiiile, at that. X//////D Which is part of why she said she cheered when she learned they became part of the kingdom, like.....she knew it was gonna happen, so it was a "FINALLY" moment for her. XD Yeah, she's been subtley pushing them to learn about how they feel for quite a while, so maybe, if you ever reread the old chapters, you'll be able to pick up on the hints. Mozzarella is a subtle character who keeps a lot of what she thinks about a mystery, but also.....y'know, she was definitely trying at multiple points to make things easier for them.....and she mostly failed cuz of how much they hid that part of themselves XD

Th-the springs scene.....hnnnnn....I-I have a fun fact about that scene that I'm saving for the trivia page, but....in short: I adore how that scene turned out. It's probably my second-fav part of the chapter (with my fav being the short scene of Reader begging) >//////> R-Reader at first hates the idea of having to speak about their relationship to others (explaining it to Burnt Cheese nearly killed them, haha), only for Golden Cheese to tell them they don't have to say anything, and she'll take care of it all....because no one can stop her.....There's nothing to be afraid of....s-so, all they have to do is focus on her....and it makes them feel a lot better about being seen in public.....I-I dunno how well it comes across, but for me, I-I'm proud of how I did it....p-partly because I like the idea....I-I feel like relationships with her would be like that....B-being shown off....l-like that.....to her servants.....wh-while she does all the talking, and.....y-yeah.....I-I'm rambling, s-sorry......>//////< (Y-you can't tell me she WOULDN'T, say...slam you a-against a wall in public view of others in the palace w-without any shame at all, c'mon- Sh-she's in charge, sh-she does what she wants-)

I-I'm also glad that you find Reader relatable still....They're basically their own character now, with their own arc, but I-I still wanna make them feel like they could be any of us, y-y'know...? Whenever they feel insecure and overthink things to try to make sense of them, that's basically me putting myself into them.....XD

B-but yeah, th-thanks for sharing your thoughts with me....! I-I'll try my best to get the next chapter done soon-ish, but I JUST started it, so I make no promises yet...S-sorry for the cliffhanger, but feel free to speculate how you think the story will end, I guess....? L-like, to yourself, not to me, cuz I'm not gonna say anything~ ^^

(I-I like the idea of touching/grooming her wings, too....b-but sh-she'd absolutely scold me if I did it the wrong way, so....h.tjtresghejrjhdds......t-terrifying at the same time....X///////D)

[brisquad-unit-4402]

pssssst. slips u a note

(3, 11, & 18) (can i also have some lunch money)

here kiddo i packed you something for lunch at school

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

hmmmmge this is really hard, tbh. two answers! stars above your skin is kind of like my crown jewel. it’s the longest fic i’ve ever published. i feel like i get burnt out of fics once i hit 4k so whenever i pass that number or so, i always feel so accomplished. SAYS got to explore a ton of headcanons (ike with freckles is the main one lol) and totes opened up a full world with the pliskinverse! i want to revisit it intimately and inherently.

maybe this is because it’s a recent fic as well, but prosthetics means a lot to me. i didn’t realize how much of myself bled onto the page until after ~500 words were down, especially not for an impulse fic. i find that i impress myself when i try not to. i feel especially happy because this was also written for a dear comfydant friend of mine and i love whenever said friend blows up my dms

maybe not pride but i’m always happy when i get the go-ahead to write violence or gore. i have a soft spot for in pursuit to and from the sun and vox, shu and luca’s parts in the lost in time/found in time series because of it.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

surprisingly not the long ones. trading a heart was about one week? SAYS and in pursuit took a month each.

however. and i do not like to admit this. i’ve had a doppio x reader bf headcanon post in my drafts since maybe february or april. and it’s been 80% done since february or april.

if we’re talking published works i don’t remember how long i had the request, maybe april, but this request [nsfw] for massaging and teasing luca and mysta took about 3 months to get out. admittedly that’s bc i learned some stuff abt my own personal boundaries on smut writing and bc i think that was one of my first forays into smut as well

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

this breaks my heart to say. sonny and shuey

i have this thing where the characters i simp for hardest, tend to be the most difficult to get on paper. i think it’s because i get attracted to laid-back personalities but i relate to loud ones more.

they have the opposite problems; shuey is incredibly versatile and i never know whether i should let him be shy or play it cool. it really depends on the day. sonny, however, is a very specific type... his humor is dry and deadpan which is hard to nail down, and he's not quite a romantic but he's not a hardass. i think i'm getting a bit better at him since i'm in a sonny lovebot arc rn and writing more for him and noctyx but while all my other characters have a mental list in my head of their traits and how they act, sonny's mental list is of how he should NOT act you know?? he's slippery he's hard to pin down!

ike also gets a shoutout because i feel like his character goes much deeper than "soft nerd prone to shyness but secretly gutsy" but whenever i write him i feel like he's shallow. it's hard to show the hidden depths in such short fics sometimes, since i usually write him in <1k fics

despite not writing him often i think my best character may be vox. he and alban are tied for easiest

[corrodedcoughin]

hi anna i hope you're doing well <3 i wanted to share a bit about my experience with burn out from your recent post. last year I was attending school and a lot of big moments were happening in my personal life. all of that plus the workload, commute, etc. left me feeling burnt out to the point of severe depression :/ your body is constantly tired and you just feel empty regardless of how your try to surround yourself with good things. could be people or food or music or a show but once you feel utterly wrung out, it's hard to feel much of anything else. i know for me it kind of manifested in unhealthy habits to just kind of quickly get through the day, a shot sleep schedule, and for me to start obsessing over little crap that really wasn't all that important. all my time was being used to work or overthink myself into a panic and it just made me feel completely isolated from family, friends, peers, and i left that term feeling stupid and useless.

the best way i try to go around my burnout is for one, to not push myself through it. yeah it all seems hopeless now but is my problem today gonna be the same in a month? a year? i try to think outside the present moment because sometims you might not even realize you have tunnel vision until you actually get out of the tunnel.

my hobbies are still gonna be there when i want to enjoy them but my body and health are what need to be my first priority. a lot of my hobbies were related to tumblr/ao3 or just being online in general so I decided to quit. for around three months I stayed off my socials and deleted apps like tiktok and instagram and decided to stick to the least attention grabbing apps i like. even then i made an effort to stay off my phone as long as i could. it may sound kinda dumb but lowering screentime actually really does help reduce anxiety and i find i don't miss those apps at all.

and for me my burnout was largely being caused from school and I realized that this wasn't the right path for me at all. so i quit because nothing, no matter how seemingly important, should make me feel so horrible. I mean it's not even sadness or exhaustion it's emptiness. you feel nothing and everything and it aches and you just end up ruining all the good things you have by trying to ignore it and push through.

another thing that helped was finding stuff for me to do in my personal life whether that was getting a new job, cleaning the house, cooking a meal, or finding a new love for movies. I prioritized myself and i feel good. It took me about 6 months but I got there and it's worth it. I don't feel isolated or as exhuasted as before and life feels good again, my hobbies feel good again.

I hope you know you're not alone when it comes to feeling this way and i hope you take care 💌 happy easter or just have a happy april

Hello! I’m going to put a bunch of stuff under a read more but before I do that I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to even notice/read the things i posted and then writing this. I’m so, so glad that you are feeling better now and that you were able to do that for yourself. It sounds like you really figured out what you needed and it worked and knowing that it does work is so reassuring. So just thank you. For being kind to me and to yourself and sharing. I’m so glad you are here and if you ever want to talk be it silly or serious, my dms are always open.

You are so completely right about social media. I’ve had Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat deleted for a couple of years now. Covid pushed me over the edge with them and the relief of not having them there anymore is incredible. I have tiktok but go on it maybe for a week straight then don’t touch it for a few months. Idk it’s not great at holding my interest.

But yeah tumblr has been a bit of a difficulty for me, hence the dropping out for days at a time. Keeping up with things/engaging and needing to do it ‘right’ is so much more mentally straining than you realise until it’s just one more thing to push you over the edge. Even when I wasn’t replying to messages/asks I would be online trying to keep at track of things so I could ‘do my reblogging duty right’ when I eventually did feel good enough mentally to come back and it’s so STUPID. like!!! Nobody cares if I interact with their posts!! Nobody!!! I just internalised and spiralled a bunch of things from other parts of my life into here too!

Work has been really bad for at least six months now and it’s so hard. Then self doubt over looking into Autism and other mental health stuff as well as gender and trying to keep up with the gym and step targets and feeling bad for not being social every single hour of my day like my very extroverted brother has just really pushed me down into a hole. You don’t realise how many things are going on until they smack you over like a wave and then it’s like ‘oh boy, I can’t get up. And I don’t want to because I’ll just be pushed down again’

Eventually I started just taking my car down to the sea and reading a physical book instead of being online. It’s helped. It’s not sorted things but it’s helped.

My hobbies are primarily online too so I have an idea of where you are coming from, won’t say I understand because everyone is different but I get it. The temptation really IS to push through. I actually said to my only coworker ‘I just need to make it to the end of April. Then I can think about getting signed off if I /really/ need to but I won’t. It’ll be fine’ I don’t know why!! The job doesn’t care back!

I won’t bore you with all the details but it’s been Wild and knowing that you got through the other side is genuinely a light at the end of the tunnel. So thank you for sharing your experience. School is so hard, the first time I went I had to leave for mental health reasons or face hospital admission. I mean it when I say I’m so proud of you for making that decision. Truly. I wish you nothing but ease for the next section of your life, you deserve it. I hope you’ve found a new favourite movie or genre or just general joy in the new hobby! Would love to hear more about that or absolutely anything you have to say, your words are very easy to read and hold a lot of happiness in them. Thank you again and good luck with your new job if you have one or the search if you are looking!

[charmingly-evil]

Hey again! Thanks for your reply. I’m sorry to hear life (and the show especially) are getting you down. I know TV should be enjoyable, so definitely take a break if you need it. I just went back to the episode because I’ve been wondering about why that scene was edited so poorly, and I’ve come up with a theory. The editor is actually listed in the credits at the beginning, which means he is “above the line” and basically knows what he is doing. TV shows have to go through multiple levels of approval. The first edit will be the editor’s cut, and then the director comes in and makes changes or not. For TV, it also has to go to the executive producer or show runners, the studio (Wolf Entertainment) and the network (NBC). My guess, and this is just a guess, is that the promo was how it was finished at the producer’s cut and probably the studio’s. They shot the same script multiple different ways and they landed on the hug vs the separation. I think that the network (or studio, but my feeling is network) came in last minute and said they wanted more tension in the scene. Between the two takes, the visual separation of them gives more uncertainty and means that they can drag out the incredible angst that these two actors create when they’re together. I think they figured the hug gave too much relief and comfort that they weren’t quite ready for. It shows me that they are hoping to be picked up for future seasons and that they don’t have to bring them together quite yet. I know it’s horrible what they did swapping the edits, but I think that is likely why everyone is being quiet, and why they’re trying to delete the promo online. We will see what Chris says on Monday, or if they totally ignore it. Obviously, if it was an NBC-level decision, then nobody will want to say anything against it. I hope this helps clarify a little or at least can help add to all the theories going out there. Try to take it easy and what I do is just try to take joy in what we do get. It’s very clear what Chris and Mariska want, and I do believe the writers are behind this. It’s just a lot of people have to weigh in for anything to make the airways, and it can cause a lot of confusion sometimes. It would be a groundbreaking thing, as we all know, to bring them together, so it really does look like they are trying to figure it out. My lack of faith lies with NBC, personally. I just hope they don’t bring them together only to tear them apart again later like so many of my other ships! Sorry, this was so long. I’m glad to help when I can 😊

Thank you so much for sharing! I love that you have this experience working in media to bring this perspective, what you're saying makes sense. I have no doubt that the network wants to continue the tension. And let's be honest, Mariska and Chris are carrying this show. I'm still not happy that they got rid of Amanda, and SVU isn't the same anymore. I do feel like they're dangling Bensler in front of us to get more views and another season, and it infuriates me. The thing is, I would love it if they got together by now, and we could have more episodes watching that relationship develop. I feel like by continuing the slow burn and the tension, it'll give them an excuse to not cast Mariska and Chris together for episodes to come. It just sucks :( Thank you for your kind words. I have taken some time out. My new job is quite stressful and I've had a recent injury :( And I can't escape into the world of SVU and Bensler like I once could (when I last burnt out in 2020 and first discovered SVU haha) The new episode did inspire me enough to write an SVU fic, I haven't written in ages! So I hope to get that one up tonight :)

[titan-fodder]

Hey, y’all. Just have a blog announcement.

I’ll start it off by saying I’m not leaving tumblr or this blog. That’s the bottom line, no room for confusion. I wanted to get that out of the way.

And, now I’ll elaborate.

I’m feeling a little burnt out. I’ve been trying and failing to write pieces for months while helping manage a big collab, and I’m just kinda tired. Stuff that used to be fun to write isn’t very enjoyable anymore (I guess that’s what happens when you write explicit smut for two years). I’ve always been of the mind that if you try to force something, it’s not gonna be great quality, and I only wanna put out good quality content.

But, there’s also more.

I’ve been back in therapy for various reasons and recently started seeing a psychiatrist. First visit I was put on Prozac which is cool. I mentioned some other stuff and he made it clear that he also wanted to look into ADHD management—something that flew under the radar and remained undiagnosed for pretty much my entire life.

A couple weeks ago I started on Ritalin, and like… I can’t even explain how much easier life has gotten in such a short amount of time. I don’t live off of energy drinks, I stay focused, I’ve stopped biting my nails (which I’ve done forever), my inner monologue is coherent for the first time ever. It’s incredible. Like, I didn’t even realize how much difficulty I was truly having until I saw what it’s like to have a functioning fucking brain. I’ve had problems with anxiety and depression for most of my life, but already, I feel so much lighter.

Anyway, all of that’s to say that I’m just… in love with the outside world right now. I’m talking with old friends, I am obsessed with my wonderful husband. And, I’m enjoying it. I don’t have the urge to write when everything else is so good.

I still have projects I’d like to keep working on. My Big Bang fic, A Force of Nature, will still be posted mid to late August, but it’s incomplete so far. I adore it, so I have high hopes that I’ll finish it. I still have plans for Find a Way even if it has been sitting in my drafts for months. I want to keep writing them. I just don’t know when the inspiration could strike.

And who knows? I could post this and then come back with a “just kidding lol” in, like, two days. But, I think this mood is here to stay for a while, and I’m okay with it.

I’ll probably post some blurbs here and there, maybe fluffy one shots. Really whatever tickles my fancy. But the updates will be slower than ever before (and that’s really saying something considering how unreliable I already am).

I’m still gonna be around to read and reblog and talk with everyone. This app is almost constantly open on my phone, so this is the same blog it’s always been minus regular-ish content.

Anyway, love y’all! Don’t be afraid to reach out to chat via asks or DMs ‘cause I’d love it 💕

[bobbimorses]

what’s your opinion on the impact fraction’s hawkeye run appears to have had on the more recent perception & characterization of clint? based off of the older comics i’ve read featuring clint, i sort of get the impression that part of the reason fraction’s run is so phenomenal is that his more depressed & defeated version of clint is so radically different from how clint has been portrayed in the past, yet given all that’s happened to him it’s reasonable of him to have reacted in this way. and since writers & readers are using fraction’s run as a kind of starting point for the character, then they miss how it was a progression and how his personality was very different in the past. but that’s just the impression i get. i would be very interested in hearing your thoughts!

i think i've given long rambling answers to the tune of this question before, but basically my thoughts align--when other writers/readers use it as a starting point, it ends up devoid of the context that made it so impactful as a story, and draws away from the fact that it's really a story of clint's depression.

a lot of the events and storylines experienced by clint one after the other for 8 years (which is like, just shy of 2 years comic time) were incredibly traumatizing. first, he dies in a ball of flames in disassembled, then he gets revived only to learn he's not the real deal and that his best friend killed him in house of m, gets killed again when he's taken apart piece by piece into nothingness, then he gets revived only to learn the avengers, his only family, are done for, then cap's killed, then he thinks bobbi's revived only to see her killed only for that to be a skrull--yeah. there was a lot going on. but the event directly before hawkeye v4, an issue of avx also written by fraction, has clint getting set on fire and burnt to nearly a crisp, with the avengers leaving him thinking he's dead.

so, like you said, given everything that happened, it's reasonable to see him finally reacting to all that mess, that trauma, by becoming depressed. but if someone's using that as their starting point, they might not really understand the depths of his depression if they don't know clint's usual behavior. he's snarky, overly confident even if still a bit insecure, was a self-assured team leader telling everybody to charge right through no matter what, he likes to joke and grill for his friends--

and what's happening in fraction's run? you see him snarking a little and concocting plans in the first issues, if a little muted, but he starts to feel completely unsure of himself, becomes more ambivalent on what to do, then apathetic about making any decisions, he attends rooftop grill sessions but isn't actively cooking and says he only really eats when others have set one up, and is pushing away his friends most of the time. eventually, he realizes he has to rally everyone together as a leader and ask for help from his friends.

but, again, when writers write him the same way as in fraction's run but devoid of context, they also remove the ramifications of the decisions and mistakes he made, whether or not he could help it, while depressed. indecisiveness and apathy lead to the problem getting worse, he gets hurt, people get hurt, he lashes out at his friends--there’s pain and heartbreak. if you remove that aspect but have clint acting the same way for a few pages in some other comic, he’s kind of just bumbling around, and if they just exaggerate the mess without the initial spill or subsequent slip, he just becomes a punchline.

also, this one probably speaks for itself, but fraction and aja’s run was very much a more grounded, street-level book. it’s a normal thing in comics where heroes are in their street-level solo fighting mobs and then they’re in a team book fighting gargantuan threats, and everyone accepts that, but for some reason (i guess since he’s a non-powered archer?) some people went a little too far in finding clint incapable of taking on big threats (despite his decades of avengers tenure). idk if it’s bc they only know him as taking on the tracksuits, or if that’s more of a fanon problem, or that’s just run-off from the memetic nature of people going “haha why’s there a bow & arrow guy in this movie.” like, the man is not incompetent and has taken on cosmic threats before. having recent storyline after storyline where clint has to justify his place in the avengers (a team he’s not even currently on right now! that’s how many times we’ve done this!) when he’s done so more times over than, frankly, a bunch of big names who are actually new additions compared to mr. recruit #2/member #7, is getting a tad old when it’s simultaneously having him question himself to an extensive degree. idk, it depends.

i really like how freefall reigned in clint dealing with even more subsequent traumatic events in a short time by having him utilize his high-level combat skills and planning capabilities to try to fight a problem dirty and alone. he’s back to his snarky self, which helps convince others none the wiser that nothing’s going on (ok they totally suspect there is but he secretly beat them up to go “no, really”), but there’s some dark grumblings. once again, he doesn’t seek help from his friends, but this time it’s because he’s convinced that he has to go around the system/social structure he and his friends have been operating in so he can effectively dismantle the hood’s operations and make changes etc. ...and he faces the consequences.

ah shit i rambled again.

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 6

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: mainly fluffy, brief mentions of violence Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

(a/n: this was probably the most fun chapter for me to write so far it just came out so cute and sweet i think!! also super sorry all my energy has been focused on this fic i haven’t written many other one shots or anything i just really am getting into this story!)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

When you woke up the next day, something new was in the air. Everything felt lighter, a bit more relaxed. You actually felt refreshed for what seemed like the first time in your life. As dramatic as it sounds, it was unreal. 

You sat up in bed, taking in the morning without the dread. Sure, prior to your dream last night there were bits of chaos still lurking. You couldn’t ignore it and it certainly was not going to go away overnight but everything had shifted, and you could at least appreciate what lulled you to sleep. 

You sighed, almost looking off into a daydream like a lovestruck school girl. You had seen Bucky in such a normal fashion just sitting in his bed reading. You didn’t know when exactly the memory had been from but that didn’t matter. It was something without violence, it was a real look at him. He was so content as he focused on the book...

But you didn’t have the time to sit around pondering about your soulmate’s hobbies forever. You still had a life to get on with. 

Despite your body’s reluctance, you lugged yourself out of bed and started getting your work uniform together. There was a bit of pep in your step, a complete contrast to just a few weeks ago when you were pulling yourself around holding on to the last bit of will you had. It was insane what one meeting with a soulmate could do. Maybe you now understood everyone’s fuss over it.

You redid your hair and touched up your makeup before packing your bag for the day. Once your sneakers were on and you felt actually good (the most glorious feeling, you thought), you headed out your apartment door. 

As you were making your way down the stairs, you noticed someone was waiting by the building’s entrance. You rarely ever saw people around the space so the figure stunned you a bit. As you walked closer, though, you recognized that shoulder-length brown hair.

“Bucky?” You said, surprised, as you opened the lobby door. He turned around, greeting you with a warm smile.

“Good morning.” He spoke so casually as if he always stood outside your apartment waiting for you.

“Everything okay?” You asked, suddenly worried his presence here wasn’t as cheery as he was leading on.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I just came to walk you to work if that’s okay.”

Your jaw dropped slightly. “Walk me to work? W-Why?”

Bucky shifted his stance slightly as if suddenly embarrassed. “Because I think that’s something that, uh… that…”

“Soulmates,” you said, finishing his sentence. Bucky looked relieved at that. “That’s something soulmates do?”

He chuckled at the little smirk you were giving him. Your heart felt so full at the thought of Bucky wanting to walk you to work, make sure you got there safe and everything. Maybe even check out the area where you spent most of your days. 

“You can say no, of course.”

You shook your head. “I’m flattered you want to walk me.”

At your acceptance, Bucky extended his elbow for you to take. You giggled as your hand wrapped around his arm and you two began on the route. You were too giddy to look back up at Bucky, even though you could feel him sneaking glances at you, so you turned your attention to his arm. Surprisingly, it was the metal one he had offered to you. While most of it was covered by the sweater he wore, his hand was still peaking out of the sleeve. You stared down at it, curiously, watching the light bounce off the material and listening to the little groans it made as his fingers moved every now and then. 

“It’s not going to hurt you,” Bucky said suddenly, making you jump. You quickly pulled your gaze away, opting instead to look up at him. Your heart sank at the tinge of worry behind his eyes. 

You shook your head as your cheeks warmed in embarrassment. “I didn’t think it would,” you confessed, honestly. “I just think it’s interesting.”

He hummed, unsure. “Interesting?”

A sudden uneasiness fell over you as you found yourself maybe crossing lines now. Sure, you had seen here and there in the nightmares what the arm had done, but you also could see that wasn’t what it was doing right now. Right now it wasn’t a weapon, a danger. It was a guide for you, physically bringing you a tad bit closer to your soulmate. 

“Well, yeah,” you shrugged. You had to choose your words carefully, you thought. “I don’t have to tell you this but it’s unlike anything else out there. It’s powerful. Seems very strong, as well. Probably… Probably has seen a lot but you extended it towards me showing you’re at least a little comfortable with it,” A pause. “I-I don’t think it defines you if that’s what you’re worried about, despite how it’s -- how you -- have been weaponized.”

Bucky didn’t respond at first, making your heart plummet. Had you actually burnt this entire thing down in less than twenty-four hours? You two fell into silent steps as you continued your path to work.

As you rounded a corner, just when you were about to spontaneously tell him it was okay if he never wanted to see you again, Bucky finally spoke up.

“Have you seen the things I’ve done?”

“I’ve read some articles-,”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You brought yourself to a stop on the sidewalk. Bucky halted beside you and shook off your grip. You frowned at the action but didn’t acknowledge it any further. 

“I don’t think it matters what I’ve seen,” you said, a bit of confidence finally mustered up in your tone. It was true, too. Over the past few hours, you hadn’t seen anything from the nightmares that aligned with the actual Bucky in front of you. “We can discuss this another time but I promise you, Bucky, I’m only focusing on what I see right now. Right now I see a man who voluntarily woke up at a ridiculous hour just so he could surprise me and walk me to work. It’s incredible.”

Bucky’s eyes were faintly glossing over, threatening to cry. You didn’t know what to do other than take his hand, intertwining your touch with his metal one. He accepted it, wordlessly. With a nod, you got back on your walking route to the shop. 

“Thank you, doll,” Bucky said just above a whisper. You nearly missed it. Your heart did somersaults as you registered the words.

You two fell into more silence until you decided you needed to lighten the mood. You weren’t letting him drop you off at work like this. 

“Now,” you said, clearing your throat as your own tears had just about formed, “how did you spend the rest of your night?”

Bucky shrugged. “Nothing crazy,” he sighed. “I did some reading before bed.”

“Hmm.” Your interest had been peaked. You thought back to the little dream you had last night, portraying a very studious Bucky. You figured that while it was recent, it wasn’t from last night (dreams rarely ever came through that quick), making you now curious of his reading choices. “Interesting. Wouldn’t have taken you for a reader. What’s the book about?”

He let out a breathy chuckle. “Some new science fiction series Steve picked up for me,” Bucky explained. “I’m not too far into it but I think it has something to do with time traveling.”

You nearly laughed. You thought back to how the nightmares you had been getting recently were all over the place as if you were on your own time-traveling journey -- only it was the cruelest way possible. Fate was such a character. 

“Is that the kind of books you prefer? Science fiction?”

Bucky nodded, “Guess I’ve always been interested in all that science stuff.”

That science stuff. You giggled. “I’ll keep that in mind,” you said. “I’ve fallen a bit out of reading but I’d love to get your recommendations one day.”

“I’m not exactly well versed in all the books out there.” Because he had missed so much -- there was always that unspoken fact in every other thing he said. You wished you could coax him out of that habit but that didn’t seem possible right now. I

“Well, good thing I’m not looking to know about all the books,” you smiled, looking up at him, “I’m just looking to know about your books. Whatever comes across your radar that you end up loving, I’d like to hear about it.”

Bucky returned the smile. “What did you do with the rest of your night?”

“Nothing really,” you shrugged, turning your focus back to the sidewalk ahead of you. “I fell asleep pretty much right after getting home.”

You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you. From the corner of your vision, you could see a bit of a frown on his lips. 

“You didn’t do anything?”

You shook your head.

“No hobbies or anything?”

You sighed. “I’m usually just too tired or too into work to do very much. Last night had been… Overwhelming for me, I think. When it was over, I was exhausted. All of me, body and mental.”

You felt Bucky’s thumb start rubbing soothing patterns on the back of your hand. Your breath caught a bit in your throat. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean for you to get overwhelmed.”

You began shaking your head profusely, “No, no, it’s not your fault, Bucky,” you insisted, “I psyched myself out a bit, I think.”

He let out a long sigh at that. “Well, you shouldn’t do that anymore,” he said, so sincerely. “I never want to bring you pain or worry, okay? That shouldn’t be what… we do.”

“We do?” You looked up at him but he had already turned away. “Oh, you mean what soulmates do.”

“The word still gets caught on the tip of my tongue.”

Your cheeks started feeling hot. “I understand.”

As the conversation faded, your coffee shop came into view. You two stopped outside it. Glancing in the window, you made eye contact with your coworker who had just begun setting up for the day. Her eyes got wide as she realized who the man was behind you. Her shock promptly morphed into excitement.

You turned back to Bucky. “Thank you for accompanying me.”

He flashed you a smile, making your heart just absolutely dissolve. “Of course,” he said. “Anyday, anytime. I’d be happy to accompany you anywhere.”

You were shamelessly full-on blushing, once again feeling like a ridiculous school girl. You had to avert your gaze as Bucky’s eyes on you were making you feel all sorts of things in these fluffy moments. 

With a pointless nod and no more words, you turned to face the coffee shop entrance. One hand on the handle, you stood there. Just holding it. You could hear Bucky walking away. 

Fuck it, you thought. 

You quickly turned back around and dashed to catch up with him. He was walking so leisurely as if he expected this. You called out his name and he whipped around promptly, looking as if he was fighting back another smile. 

“Here,” you said as you grabbed a napkin and pen from your bag and scribbled down your phone number. “It’s my number in case you want to, I don’t know, text me or call or something.” 

He took the napkin gently as if it was the most precious gem in the world seconds away from shattering. With a nod, Bucky responded, “Sure, doll. Thank you.”

You smiled, giving him a nod back. That wasn’t all, though. You had another caution to throw into the wind. Quickly, you placed your hand on Bucky’s shoulder and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. It was so fast you barely had time to register your own movement but Bucky definitely picked up on it. Now his face was the one with a tinge of warm color coming up on it.

“Have a good shift.” It was all Bucky seemed capable of saying as he shot you a wider smile, eyes softening at your nervous form. Before you could respond anymore, prolonging this weird but sweet goodbye for the day, he resumed his walk back. 

As feelings of all sorts washed over, you headed back to the coffee shop where you finally entered… And was greeted by your coworker standing in front of the entrance, arms crossed, staring you down.

“Good morning,” you said, avoiding eye contact and trying to get around her. She stepped in your path.

“Was that…” You nodded before she could finish the words. She broke out into a surprise fit of giggles. “You met him?” She asked in disbelief. 

You nodded. “Last night. We had dinner and he walked me home. It was very nice.” You kept it short and sweet, not feeling like gossiping about something so fresh. But you also secretly wanted to just throw everything out there. It was exciting, it was new. Overall, though, it felt great. 

Your coworker let out gasps, almost in awe. “That’s so exciting,” she said. “Is he, like, nice? Anything like-,”

You shook your head quickly, making her cut off her words. “He’s nothing like…” You didn’t want to say them anymore. Well, at least for right now. You knew a talk with Bucky about it all had to be coming but you want to push it aside for now. “He’s wonderful. A true gentleman. He showed up this morning to walk me to work. What man nowadays would do that?” You chuckled, almost in your own state of disbelief. “Plus, he’s kind of fascinating. Unexpected, even. Would you have guessed he’s a reader?”

You made your way farther into the shop, discarding your bag and throwing on an apron. You began wiping down the counters as your coworker followed. 

“He sounds almost… normal?”

You stopped your movement, taking in that observation. You finally nodded in agreement. Yeah, you guessed that so far he was kind of normal. At least, personality-wise. 

After a moment you said, “I think I’m glad I didn’t try to move on.”

Despite not looking at her, you knew your coworker wore another ridiculous, lovey smile. She was practically in awe and, you had to admit, you kind of were, too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taglist under construction right now, deepest apologies!

[iiguess]

OOC. I've been thinking a lot about this blog and what it means to me, so I'm going to place my own thoughts down here. More under the cut.

Sam has been around since—-what, 2016? This makes it six years now. And she has grown so much over that course of time. 

From her simply starting out as a small oc who I was uncertain would get any ( if at all ) any interest from anyone else, to a character that’s interacted with so many others and played out plots I never would have even imagined her being in when I first made her. She’s gained a father figure. A love interest. Friends. A family. It never fails to make me happy to know just how much people liked her and liked seeing her on their dash, whether it be from an intricate plot or her usual dash commentary.

Recently though? I feel... distant from her.

It’s already happened a couple of times before, and it always went through the same process; I’d get burnt out, make a post sometimes, leave a while to get things sorted. Then I’d come back, ready to jump into the fray and chaos of things. 

I’m hoping that this time isn’t different. But over the years it’s been getting more and more difficult to write threads, with me feeling as if I’m forcing Sam out instead of her just. Acting out naturally? And that’s been bothering me for a long time. Like yes, I can give out little plot ideas and whatnot, but actually writing them out? It really feels like I can’t do that anymore without it feeling off for me.

And it sucks, because there’s a whole bunch of threads that I know that I owe and that I want to continue. There are people I recently followed that I would have loved to toss Sam at and see how their interactions play out. Heck, I was even excited to push out my other blog more into the world, too!

For now, though, I think I need to take a small step away—-refocus myself, in a way. I’m not sure if I can ( or should ) place myself on hiatus or semi-hiatus, but I definitely won’t be here for a while. For anyone I owe threads with, we can discuss if you’d like to save the threads we have for when I come back or if you’d like to drop them entirely. I’m okay with either, honestly!

But yeah—-thank you guys for having stuck with me and Sam for so long. It’s been one heck of a journey, and I’m incredibly glad to have seen and write out stories with all of you. So take care out there, okay? 

We’ll both see you one day soon.

[xwing-baby]

Impulse: El Ojo (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Peña as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong? 

Warnings: swearing, injury to reader, alcohol and drug abuse, threatening with guns, brief mentions of torture, description of injury and blood, unwanted touching, flirting, bad thought processes (addiction). PINK SHIRT 

Word Count: 5k 

A/N: Had a little change of plan last week, this is now the final chapter of this series. I am so sad to end it now, I’ve loved writing this so much. My first time writing for Narcos so thank you so much for all the support y’all I’ve given me with this. I love you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter!! 

<-- Previous Chapter // Masterlist //  Next Chapter -->

--

You were on a winning streak. Since you’d found the list of sicarios and matched that up with the more current information, you’d presented it to Carrillo and surprisingly he was on board. With his help, you had brought down five, admittedly low level but increasingly more valuable, sicarios. If you didn’t think about the torture and abuse each of them undertook once captured, used to break them into more telling more information, you could say you were doing a good job. Escobar’s organisation was shaking. You were coming for him. 

You and Steve leant against a wall, soaking up the sunshine chatting amongst yourselves when you saw Javier arrive. You hadn’t expected him to come at all, having disappeared without a word early on in the morning. He parked his truck close by, walking over to you and Steve with his vest in hand. You grinned and jabbed Steve when you saw the shirt Javi was wearing. 

The pink shirt had been a long-standing joke since you’d found it in his closet a few months ago. He had many colourful shirts, was known for them, but the pink one always seemed like another level. You and Steve teased him about it constantly, though you had to admit it did look good on him now. Javi scowled when he saw you and Steve’s mischievous grins, immediately realising his mistake. 

“I know you get called the Whore of Bogata but you don’t need to dress like it! Jesus christ Javi!” You fanned yourself with your hand, grinning at him, “really I’m going to need a minute,” Javi flipped you off as you laughed hard.  

“Shut up, I look great,” He grumbled. 

“Just thinking about the poor flamingo you rinsed for that colour,” Steve joined in the teasing, shaking his head sadly. 

“You are just jealous you could never pull this colour off,” Javi said smugly. You laughed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come out today, could be quite distracting,” You said, pretending to be thoughtful. Javi’s frowned, only making you and Steve laugh more, “Aw don’t get pissy, Baby. We love you really” You teased him in a mocking voice, pouting at him. “You and your flamboyant choices,” You ruffled his hair up as you passed him. He tried to duck out the way but you caught him. He shoved you away, muttering expletives under his breath. You skipped a few paces out of his reach, flipped him off. 

“L/n!” Somebody called your name across the street, one of the technicians you’d been talking to before Javier arrived. You left Steve and Javier to talk. 

The technician explained the problem again, showing you the options for moving forward. It was quite common that things would go wrong before any kind of mission. Today was no different, the technicians had lost a signal and were now not sure that the address you had swarmed was correct.  

You chewed your nails while you thought. You could risk getting the wrong house, letting the sicarios know you were on to them and you’d lose them again. You could come back another day, but risk losing them again. Or you could ransack some innocent person's house and have Carrillo on your ass for ruining his reputation in the one week he’d left you in charge. 

 If you messed this up it would mean your stronghold would be lost. There would be time for them to work out what was going on and move everything again. 

At a loss, you excused yourself needing to take a break and a few minutes alone to think without soldiers trying to put in their two cents. 

As your work life had become more stressful over the last months. You had found some relief in, ironically, coke. It wasn’t a habit you were trying to form, but you had learnt just what good taking just a little bit could do for you. It quietened down your worried brain and made you simultaneously more aware of everything. You were better when you were just a little bit high.  

You had started keeping a small amount in your pocket. Hidden in a small sewing tin in your jacket pocket, you had started keeping a little coke on you especially for moments like this. You could take it, have a breather, and come back with a solution. It was fine. Nobody would know. 

You’d spotted a cafe across the road, and hoped they had a restroom. You gave an excuse to the soldier you’d been talking to and walked across the street.

“Oi Rookie!” Javi called as he noticed you walk past on the opposite side of the street. “Where are you going?” 

“Going to the bathroom. Women’s issues,” You called back, Javi and Steve grimaced. That was always the best excuse.

While you wouldn’t do it at the compound you didn’t have any reservation here. You’d been itching for a hit all morning and there was only so much more you could take. You walked into the cafe, asked for the direction of the restroom, and locked the door behind you once you were inside. Small, dark and stinking of pee, it was not the best place but hygiene wasn’t particularly an issue you were worried about. 

You tipped a small amount from the box onto the sink counter, lined it up with a card from your pocket, bent down and took it up your nose. You grimaced, while it had burnt your nose somewhat it still stung. But it was worth it when the feeling began to kick in. You smiled at your reflection and double-checked your appearance in the mirror, wiping your nose. Nobody could ever tell. 

As usual, the drug kicked your brain into gear again and everything fell into place. The raid went brilliantly, by pure coincidence you’d bagged two sicarios in one as your original target had invited your next round for dinner with his new girlfriend. Your plan well into the swing of things now, much to everyone’s surprise. 

—

Like every weekend for the last three months, you were going out. The line between enemies and friends was long since blurred, hanging out with ‘Isabela’s’ friends was not an issue. Most of the time you weren’t even trying to get anything from them, you’d got what you needed months ago. As fun as Javier and Steve were, it was much more enjoyable to hang out with people your age. And they wouldn’t give you cocaine, María had it on tap. 

You were dressed up, recently treating yourself to a new outfit as a job well done. A black off the shoulder top, covered in lace, and a little black mini skirt. You felt sexy, you were going to have a very good night. 

“Rookie!” Javier called out to you as he came out of the apartment building. You were standing outside waiting for a taxi, smoking a cigarette.

“Javi, baby, you’re looking slick! Where are you going?” You checked him out. He wore his signature tight blue jeans and an equally tight black shirt that was almost bursting at the seams. He looked incredible, as he always did. 

You were thankful that things had gone back to normal between you and Javier. The awkward stepping around each other had gone, you weren’t jealous. You acknowledged you would probably always like him a little more than was professional but that had fallen into a fun flirty banter that more than anything just wound Steve up.

You found yourself calling him Baby more than his name, it’d started as a joke to get back at him for always calling you Rookie but now it was so commonplace people had stopped picking you up on it if it slipped out while you were working.  

It was fun. You cared for each other, that was clear to even a blind man, but there was no romanticism to the relationship anymore. There was no need. It wasn’t good for either of you. You’d found a comfortable rhythm and were going to stick to it. 

“Out,” He shrugged, “That’s a new top,”

“You noticed?” 

 “Course, can’t keep my eyes off you,” He purred, happily playing along with your game. 

“Thought you’d be more interested in the skirt,” 

“Will you two quit it?” Steve’s voice interrupted your flirting as he walked down the stairs. You barked in laughter. 

“Steve! So it’s a boys night I see? Where was my invite?” 

“Figured you’d have your own plans,” Steve said. 

“And you are correct Murphy but it’s always polite to ask,”

 “Next time,” He assured you. “Where are you going tonight?” 

“I don’t know. Some club, El Ojo or something?” You shrugged, “Seeing as this is maybe Isabela’s last time out I am going to go out with a bang, literally,” You raised an eyebrow, insinuation of your worlds made Steve roll his eyes. 

You were hoping within the next few weeks to be able to close in on some higher level sicarios and associates to Escobar. Drawing the noose in slowly so he wouldn’t notice until it’d choked him. That meant your position as Isabela was going to have to come to an end to keep you safe from your own program. You’d discussed it at length with Peña and Murphy, while you didn’t agree you had to listen to them. They were still your superiors after all, no matter how close friends you were. 

“If you told past you you were going to willingly sleep with a Narco I think you would have passed out,” Steve laughed. 

“I’m a changed woman Murphy, what can I say,” You smirked, “Imagine what I’ll be like by the end of the year,” 

“God help us,” Javier shook his head, a smirk plastered on his face. You laughed and stubbed out your cigarette with your shoe as your taxi pulled around the corner. 

“Here’s my ride. Have a good night, boys. I will be back in the morning,”

 —

El Ojo was just as María had told you. Modern and smoke-filled, people were filling every inch of the space. You walked in and couldn’t help the smile that grew on your face. This was exactly what you needed. Crowds were anonymous, nobody cared who you were or what you were doing. Everyone was just there for one reason, to have a good time. 

You ordered a drink at the bar, flirting with the man next to you briefly before taking the drink and finding your friends. As usual, they were up in the VIP area, courtesy of the Parreño name. You walked up and were let inside the cordoned-off area to find Diego stood up on his seat, wild-eyed, shouting about something. It wasn’t until you got closer that you heard what he was saying. 

“I’m telling you Isabela is lying!” He shouted above the music. 

“What’s going on?” You asked. None of the ten people surrounding the booth noticed your approach, their eyes shifting awkwardly when they saw you. 

“You! You’re a liar!” Diego pointed down at you, hatred burning behind his eyes. 

“What is going on?” You asked again. You looked around for María, she was usually the one to step between you and Diego, but she was nowhere to be seen. This was not the kind of conversation you’d wanted for this evening. 

“You were the only one to survive that raid at Carlos’,” He continued, jumping off the couch to your level,  “That fucking maniac Carrillo killed everyone but you! You’re working with them, aren’t you?” 

“You’ve lost it,” You rolled your eyes, “Completely lost it,”

“You don’t deny it!” He yelled. You gulped, trying not to look scared of the man but the rage in his eyes was shaking you. You stepped backwards as he advanced toward you

“You’re insane!” You laughed in his face, “I’m not a fucking spy, especially not for Carrillo,” 

“Bullshit,” He spat, Suddenly he pulled a gun from his back, waving it in your face. People shouted and screamed around you, scattering as the metal glinted in the light. Your eyes remained on his, not saying a word as he pressed the barrel into your neck. You didn’t move, barely breathing, “You’re a fucking rat,” He growled.

“Diego!” Finally, María stepped in, running over when she heard the commotion. “Stop it, put it away. Idiot,” She pulled the gun from his hand, standing firmly between you and him. “Ignore him. He’s paranoid. Someone’s leaking information and he thinks it's you because he’s a jealous asshole,” Maria explained, swiftly pushing him backwards until he sat back in the booth again, “How fucking ridiculous would that be? You? A spy!” 

“Insane,”  You agreed through a clenched jaw. Diego continued to glare at you dangerously, leaning over to whisper something to a friend. 

“I swear if we get banned from this club because of you Diego I am leaving you,” María said angrily, “Come on, I want to party,” She linked her arm through you, not caring that you were still in shock from having a gun held to you, and dragged you to the bar.

Fortunately, copious amounts of vodka and tequila were great for calming your nerves. In a few hours, you had nearly forgotten the entire ordeal. You couldn’t think about anything more than the music ringing in your ears and how good it felt dancing on the stranger behind you. 

After a while, María pulled you back up to the booth where Diego and his friends were still sitting. You did your best to ignore him, chatting to one of the girls at the table instead. You laughed and did a few lines, generally relaxing into the evening. So relaxed you didn’t notice the newest member of the group until he finally addressed you.

“Don’t I know you?” You looked over and panic spread over you like a bucket of ice water over your head sobering you almost instantly. He did know you. The man before you was the first man you had arrested, almost six months ago. He must have been bailed out for jail. 

“No,” You answered confidently. You didn’t lie. You didn’t know him, not really.

“Gabriel, sit down!” María cheered, “Isabela this is my cousin, Gabriel. Gabriel, Isabela,” She introduced you. Her cousin. Of course. You smiled politely, praying the dim lights would hide the nervous sweat that had overtaken you. 

Gabriel looked confused but didn’t say anything if he did recognise you. Not that that would matter anyway, as soon as he spoke to Diego his memory would no doubt be jogged. If he found out you were a DEA agent you would be dead. You had to leave.

“Here take my seat, I’ve got to get some air for a minute,” You stood up, letting him take your place next to Maria. You caught Diego’s suspicious look as you walked past, spotting the nearest exit door. 

Your hands were shaking, your body not sure what to do with itself. The cocaine and alcohol said to go back inside and take them all out. What was left of your rational brain was consumed by fear and kept you outside. It was bad enough if someone like Senator Parreño had suspicions about you but Diego? Gabriel? Diego had already shown he wasn’t afraid to threaten you in public. Of the two of them joined heads they would connect the dots and your cover would be blown wide open. So would you, you thought morbidly. Coke and anger never mixed well. 

You took breathes of the warm summer air, leaning against the wall of the club as you tried to calm yourself down. You shouldn’t have taken the last shot, now verging over the edge of blacking out; your vision was spotty, sound not registering properly and your tongue felt heavy in your mouth. 

You wondered if Steve and Javi were nearby, the fresh air having the opposite effect than you’d wanted. You would blackout and you were going to need help to get home if you did. But you didn’t recall either of the men telling you where they were going, they could be anywhere in the city. 

Stumped for the moment, you decided to wait it out, lighting a cigarette hoping that might help sober you up. You pulled the packet from your purse

“Need a light?” A man appeared next to you, lighter in hand. You nodded and he flicked the flame up, you bent over and lit your cigarette between your teeth. 

“Thanks,” You mumbled, turning away from him, hoping he would leave. He didn’t. Instead, the man continued to stare at you, following you into your personal space as you shuffled away from him. 

“Can I help you?” You snapped, immediately getting a bad feeling about him. You crossed your arms over your chest, frowning at him. 

“No need for that tone baby. Come on, I wanna talk to you,” He purred. His eyes dipped to your cleavage, a lustful look in his eyes. 

“I’m not interested,” You said, stepping backwards away from the man. He seemingly didn’t hear you, continuing to get into your personal space, arms reaching out to grab your hips. 

“You were interested earlier. Come on, baby,” He purred, pulling you close to him, pressing his hips against yours. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You yelled, pushing him off hard enough to make him stumble backwards. 

“Fucking bitch,” He growled. 

If you were sober the situation would have a very swift end. You would punch him square in the face and he would leave you alone, scuttling away with a broken jaw and a shattered ego. However, you were not in a state to do that now. He had the upper hand. All you could do was run, hoping once you were back amongst people he wouldn’t attack you. You looked up the alley, the open street was just a few feet away. 

You bolted.

Unfortunately just as you didn’t have enough coordination to punch the man, you didn’t have enough to run in heels on the uneven floor. Not even ten foot away your legs wobble, heels falling into a pothole sending you forward. You fell into a dumpster, head hitting the corner of the metal with a thud. You yelped, vision going black for a moment as you lay on the concrete. 

“Hey hey hey,” A man ran over, instantly scaring the man off of you. He knelt by your side and helped you up from where you’d fallen. You groaned and pushed yourself up, head throbbing harshly, warm liquid trickling down your face. Your world was spinning even with your eyes closed. “Y/n, Fuck are you okay?”

“Get off me!” You exclaimed, trying to push the stranger off, not that your shaking arms were very effective. 

“Y/n hey it’s me, you’re okay!” You looked up and saw Steve through a haze of blurred vision. You squinted as something dripped over your eye. Steve then saw the cut to your head, “Oh shit,” Your eyes are glassy and blown out, you mumbled something to him and pushed yourself out of his reach again, wobbling and tipping backwards. He caught you before you hit the floor again. “Y/n what are you doing out here? Weren’t you with your friends?”

“Her brother was the first guy,” You said, your speech slurred so much Steve barely understood what you were saying.

“Rookie, you’re not making sense. What are you on about?” 

“I’m so fucked,” You sighed, letting your head rollback. You giggled as the world spun. 

“Yeah, I can tell, come on let’s get you home,” Steve stood up, holding his hands out to you and pulled you up to standing again. 

“Where’s Peña?” You asked. 

“At the bar,” 

“I want to go talk to him, let’s go talk to him!” You exclaimed. You began to walk in the opposite direction, dragging Steve along by the arm. He pulled you back with ease. 

“You can talk to him in the morning, we’re going home,” He insisted.

“But I have to tell him about the brother he’s going -,” Your rambling was interrupted as you threw up, barely missing Steve’s leg. He grimaced and jumped out of the way, “I have to talk to him,” You said quietly once you were done. 

“Tomorrow, Kid,” He repeated himself.

You pouted, tears of frustration welling up in your eyes but you didn’t fight him. Despite how drunk you were you knew that going home would realistically be the best course of action right now. You could barely string a sentence together let alone get anything important out coherently.

Steve got you into a taxi, luckily the driver paid no attention to the blood dripping down your face. You were falling asleep on his shoulder as you pulled up to the apartment, Steve pulled you out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment. Only when he opened the door, he was met by Javier and Vanessa also on their way inside.

“Woah!” Javier instantly turned his full attention to you when he saw the state you were in, hanging onto Steve’s sleeve, “What happened?” 

“Some guy tried to touch her up, she hit her head, I’ve got it covered,” Steve explained.

“Hey Baby,” You grinned, obviously giving Javi a once over. 

“She doesn’t look alright,” Vanessa commented, “Did she just call you baby?”

“It’s a long story,” Javi dismissed the comment. “She doesn’t look okay,”

“I’ve got it covered. I’ll get her to throw up and get some water to sober her up,” Steve said, “We’ll be okay, won’t we Rook?”

“Fine and dandy!” You grinned.

“If you’re sure,” Javi said hesitantly. You were gone, hanging onto Steve’s arm to hold yourself up. Your eyes were blown out and blank, if you remembered anything in the morning it would be a miracle. His first reaction was to help you, not sure Steve could handle you alone. Steve wasn’t exactly sober himself, sinking a good few beers with Javier in the bar before he’d left. However, his decision was made for him as you and Steve began walking up the stairs, Vanessa’s hands were back on him and any worry was squashed as she dragged him into his apartment.

Upstairs, Steve took you into his apartment. He took you to the bathroom, sat you on top of the toilet and rooted around the medicine cabinet to find some cleaning supplies so he could patch up your bleeding head. 

“Connie’s probably got something in here,” He rooted through the cabinet. Connie had gone back to Miami for the week to see her family, inconveniently right when her skills were needed. Steve’s tipsy attempt at first aid would have to do,“Ah-ha! Here we go, clean that cut out with this,”

“Ow!” You whined, flinching away from him quickly when he showed you the antiseptic bottle. 

“I didn’t touch you,” Steve chuckled, “Hold still,” Carefully he poured the liquid over a cotton ball, took hold of your face in the other hand and dabbed the cotton on your cut. 

“Ow! Steve that fucking hurt,” You complained, flinching away from him as the alcohol stung the wound on your head. You frowned at him, tearing up a little. 

“Don’t be a baby,” 

“I am a baby!” You exclaimed. Steve grabbed hold of you again, he needed to clean the wound if it was going to heal properly. You whined and hissed at him but eventually, it was clear. 

“Look, all done, got the grit out,”

“Thanks, Steve,” You kissed his cheek quickly. 

“You’re welcome,” He laughed awkwardly. “Come on, you can’t sleep on my toilet. Bedtime,”

“You’re not my type,” You scrunched your nose and leant away from him. 

 “Ouch way to break my heart Rook,” Steve chuckled, “No, you’re going to your own bed, by yourself,”

“It's so far away!” You whined. 

“It's across the hall!” He copied your tone making you laugh. 

Steve pulled you up from the toilet and managed to wrangle you across the hall. Half asleep, leaning into Steve before you even got inside the apartment, you fell into bed without protest. Steve pulled off your shoes, throwing them on the ground before stumbling back to his apartment to collapse in his bed. 

—

Waking up in your apartment unsure of how you got there, was a strange feeling. What was even stranger was the harsh throbbing on your head. You blindly brought a hand to the sight, recoiling instantly as you touched something sore. You sat up, slowly opening your eyes to the daylight and looked at your reflection in the mirror opposite your bed. 

You groaned when you saw the gash on your forehead. Dried blood sat in the creases of your neck, and underside of your jaw as well as being crusted into your hair. You tried to remember how you’d gotten the injury but came up blank. You couldn’t remember anything from the night before. Not unusual for your almost nihilistic habits, but it was concerning given the infliction. 

You looked at the clock. 9 am. You’d slept in. Since you were up you decided to clean yourself up. You padded to your bathroom, wincing at the harsh light inside and the grinding sound of the extractor fan. You filled the sink with warm water and gently cleaned the blood from your face with a cloth, only once stopping to throw up into the toilet. 

You showered, hot steam help clear your brain fog but not helping the cut on your forehead which now stung immensely. But that wasn’t the feeling you were concentrating on. 

A new kind of hunger, one you weren’t yet familiar with had settled in on the back of your tongue. A repeating idea chanting over and over in your head. It had partly been cocaine’s fault you’d got into this mess, but it would get you out of this hangover now. 

You remembered you had some in your jacket pocket from the day before, leftover. Once you’d thought about it there was no stopping you. You didn’t have to take it all, you could stop yourself if you wanted. You pulled the tin out from your coat, sit it down on your dressing table while you pulled on some clothes. 

 You sat back at the dressing-table again once you were done and stared at the box. You’d not done it here more than once or twice. Never by yourself. Something about being at home with it made you feel guilty, possibly because you were surrounded by your friends who also happened to be DEA agents who would kill you if they found the stuff in the building. 

You picked up the box, contemplating it. You could get something done if you took it. Wouldn’t have to sit in your hungover state and wallow in self-pity until the headache left. You could go for a walk. Do nice things. Taking the cocaine would bring you nice things, as it always did. 

You opened it. 

“Morning,” Javier’s voice inside your apartment suddenly startled you, causing you to spill the contents of your box all over your dressing table. 

“Fuck,” You swore out loud. 

“Okay in there?” You regretted giving him a key. You did not need the interruption. His voice snapped you back to reality. You decided you didn’t have time, or rather not wanting to be caught red-handed, you decided to leave it and greet your surprise guest. 

“Good morning,” You said brightly, opening and closing your bedroom door tightly behind you. Javier was standing in the middle of your living room, a book in hand flicking through it. He discarded it back to the coffee table where he’d found it when you appeared. 

“Just wanted to check you were alright, you looked rough last night,” Javi said, “that cut looks sore,”

“It stings but it’ll be ok in a few days,” You shrugged. Javi looked at you strangely, “Did you come up here for something?” You asked. 

“You don’t remember what today is?” He asked. You frowned and thought for a moment. 

“It’s your birthday?” You asked slowly. 

“No,”

“It’s my birthday?”

“I don’t know when you’re birthday is,” 

“Javi I’ve obviously forgotten please just tell me,” You pleaded. 

“Searchblok, you and Steve swapped. Remember?”

“Shit!” You exclaimed. How could you have forgotten?! You scrambled back into your room to get changed, boxer shorts and a hole-ridden t-shirt wouldn’t cut it. 

“I should write you up for the mess you were in last night,” He called through the door as you rushed to get dressed, pulling on the nearest jeans on your floor. That’s not the only thing you should write me up for, you thought looking at the cocaine on your dressing table.

“I should write you up for sleeping with hookers,” You said back.

“Nowhere in my contract does it say I can’t! You however have a reckless behaviour clause,” He said. Your heart stopped at that, opening the door quickly to pop your head out.

“Javi-“

“I’m joking Rook, don’t worry!” Javier laughed. You rolled your eyes and shut the door again, pulling on a fresh shirt. A few seconds later you stepped out, buttoning the last of the clasps on your shirt. “I was worried about you but you’re fine so we’ll forget it ever happened,” 

“Thanks, Baby,” You grinned at him. Javi rolled his eyes.

“You need to stop that though,” 

 “You love it,” You teased him. He didn’t reply, turning on his heel and walking out. You hesitated for a moment, glancing back at your bedroom door. The coke was still lined up in there, calling to you. It would only take a few seconds to do it and get rid of your hangover for a few hours.

“Rookie, hurry up!” Javi called you from the hallway, audibly impatient. You decided against it, grabbing your keys and a jacket and running to catch up with him. He was already waiting by the truck by the time you got downstairs. “Did anything interesting happen last night, then?” Javi asked. You tried to think for a moment, you remembered something important had happened, something you’d wanted to tell him last night but you couldn’t remember what. You shrugged.

“Apart from getting this,” You gestured to the injury to your forehead, “I can’t remember. There was something but I don’t know,” 

“Can’t have been very important then,” Javi added. You shrugged and shook your head. 

“Guess not,” 

Next Chapter  -->

--

Finally we’ve come full circle, I am so sad it’s over I have absolutely loved writing this series. Again I want to say a massive thank you to everyone’s that read the series, it means more than you could imagine. I love you all. I’m going to have a cry and make a start on all the other things I’ve been neglecting to write this.

The ending is already written and posted so if you haven’t read it go enjoy :))

tag list: @beskar-falcon  @peterssweetpea @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @wille-zarr @danniburgh @rentheisopod @urbankaite2 @whataloadofmalarkey @ahsofka @yeetus-my-feetus @sara-alonso @xiao-lusi @all-good-things-have-an-ending @eternallyvenus @ajeff855 @mayangel19 @1950schick @pedrosmustache @wantingtobekorra @balmasedas @angelsunflxwer @brujademente​ @kingsmanandqueens​ @igotissueswithfictionalmen​

[vs-redemption]

I though of another thing lmao. I play a lot of video games too lol

But Dabi x Healer!Reader

(I was thinking of mercy from ow so reader has the ability to heal and damage boost her allies and revive them from the dead. - I would say to nerf that for the story it would depend on how long and how they died) - 🐱❤️

From Cindy:  🐱anon! I love you and miss you!! I’m sorry it took so long to get to this! I’ve been a busy bee recently and have had some writers block but I’m feeling very refreshed now! I had fun writing about our favorite burnt villain boy, and I hope you like how this turned out!  ❤️ ❤️

Partners (Dabi x GN!Reader)

Dabi was not ashamed to admit that his only reason for recruiting you into the league of villains was to use you for your quirk. It seemed like your powers had almost been designed specifically to support his goals and make up for his weaknesses. His intense blue flames caused severe damage to his body, but your healing touch could fully recover him in an instant. And anything in his path that could somehow withstand the heat of his flames would be burnt to ash instantly with a simple boost from your quirk. You were the perfect tool, and he had fully planned on capitalizing on that.

“I trust you to find people to support our cause,” Shigaraki had told him in the beginning, “but don’t you think this person is just going to be a liability in a fight?”

It was a concern he and Dabi had shared and was the biggest drawback to allowing you to join the team. You couldn’t defend yourself and would need to rely on the other villains to keep you safe whenever things got dangerous. If there was anything Dabi hated more than anything, it was pretending to care about other people. It was bad enough he had to stomach Shigaraki and the others, but at least he could trust them to hold their own in a battle. In exchange for your incredible abilities, you were going to be a constant thorn in his side. However, the pros outweighed the cons and he ultimately ended up agreeing to let you join.

At first, he thought he might’ve made a big mistake. You got along a little too well with the others, and ideally he wanted you to prioritize him over everyone else. Unfortunately, he was awful at faking interest and carrying conversations about anything that wasn’t related to himself, so building any sort of connection with you felt basically impossible. After some thought, he decided to keep his distance as much as possible unless interaction was absolutely necessary. As long as you remembered why he’d recruited you in the first place, and used your quirk the way he’d intended, he’d be satisfied.

Dabi was very familiar with rage. It was the emotion that had kept him constant company since he was a small child, and the emotion that fueled and motivated him whenever things got too painful or difficult. However, as familiar as he was with rage, he’d never learned how to control it when something triggered an outburst. So, when you refused to give his flames a boost during a particularly intense showdown with the heroes, he’d gone completely ballistic. Even without your powers, the intensity of his quirk has been magnified causing his flames to go wild. The anger had consumed him so completely that not even a direct order from Shigaraki had been able to stop him from unleashing the waves and waves of blue fire. The heat was so overbearing that both the heroes and villains had been forced to retreat.

Back at the hideout, you did your best to keep Shigaraki calm while you tended to the wounds incurred during the fight, including some nasty burns on Twice’s arms from when he’d tried to approach Dabi and reason with him. The fire wielder in question had not returned to the base with the others, choosing to continue on the warpath until someone managed to stop him or he wore himself out. He was surprised when it was you who came back out a few hours later to retrieve him from the dark alley way he’d hidden himself away in. Despite his exhaustion and the excruciating pain all over his entire body, he went right back on the defensive as soon as he saw your face.

“You must have a death wish!” His says through a grimace. A ball of fire appears in his hand threatening, but you could see the steam coming off of his skin from how much he’d overused his quirk already.

“From where I’m standing, I’d say it’s you with the death wish,” you frown. “How much longer do you think your body can hold out if you continue like this?”

“That’s none of your business!” Dabi snaps and takes a shaking step forward. “I only allowed you to join our cause so that you could support us in fights.”

“And I will lend you my support when it is beneficial to the cause,” you fold your arms and fix him with a hard glare. “The league needs you. But look at how your raw power affects your body on its own. If I boosted your quirk, you’d be a pile of ash and bones in an instant.”

“That’s not your call to make,” Dabi growls before his flame sputters out and he stumbles forward. You put your arms out instinctively to catch him, but the heat coming from his skin is painful to the touch. You help him to the ground as gently as you can and carefully start to heal his wounds. Thankfully he doesn’t protest.

“It is my call to make if it affects me,” you argue as you hover your hands over his skin. “My quirk has limits just like anybody else’s. Do you really expect me to help you destroy yourself knowing it’s going to be my responsibility to fix you again afterwards?”

Dabi hoped that was a hypothetical question. What he expected was for you to do whatever he asked, whether it put physical strain on you or not. He did understand your thought process though. His quirk was both a blessing and a curse, and the level of his power was closely tied to the intensity of his emotions. It was definitely possible that a boost to his flames could push him a little too far.

“You know,” you plop down next to him on the dirty ground once you finish doing what you can for his burns, tired from exerting yourself more than usual that day. “Maybe instead of testing the limits of your mortality, you could just try relying on your allies instead.” You glance over at him to see a scowl take over his features, and when he finally turns to meet your gaze you simply smile. “Even if you only put your trust in one single person, you might find that accomplishing your goals becomes far easier. I’m sure you’re not the only one in our group with ulterior motives, so working with someone rather than against could be mutually beneficial.”

Trust was not something Dabi had much experience with. He wasn’t sure he could trust another person, and it probably wasn’t safe for other people to trust him either. Still though, an under the table partnership might not be a bad idea, and was part of his original plan for you anyway. He wasn’t a fan of compromises, and you didn’t seem like the type to be easily bullied into compliance, but having someone working with him specifically rather than indirectly through Shigaraki might prove useful. And if things didn’t work out, he could always ditch you later. Or perhaps you were even more perfectly matched with him than he originally thought. In which case, it might be possible for him to learn how to do that pesky ‘trust�� thing. Only time would tell.

[leviiattacks]

Two Faced | Chapter Eight

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it’s all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared, for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au ??? (at this point idek) angst, fluff, slice of life etc ?? word count :: 4.8k author note :: i’ve been very ill so yeah, not the best writing but i really can’t go that long without wanting to write so i ended up writing an update, i hope you enjoy it, it’s longer than usual :D sorry for any mistakes it hasn’t been proof read at all :-( → next part coming soon!!

“Hey, newbie you haven't spoke about your home town much have ya?"

You lift your head, verifying Reiner's suspicions with a nod. You recall he's the same distasteful blonde brute who made those snide remarks about Hange. He must be at least a towering six foot if his shadow is able to cover the majority of the Sun's rays from hitting you.

You would maybe bother to give him and his inquiry more attention than you currently are if he hadn't been so unnecessarily impolite during the morning speeches.

Calves yelping in stinging pain from the first tastes of the full time training regime you simply cannot find the effort to strain your mind with small talk.

Temples throbbing it feels as if a sword has been forced through the side of your head,  but that's not it at all. Reiner has thrown a small rock at you and you hear him chuckle under his breath.

Twisting your position so you face him you glare in displeasure.

Although you don't particularly enjoy the idea of joining Levi's unit and having to become a concealed agent of sorts you can't really take your pickings at how it is you wish to survive. You're going to have to deal with it and you've come to the stage of acceptance now.

However, you are not willing to respect the attitude some of these cadets are giving you, it's clear there's already a strong hierarchy in place.

Reiner just so happens to be one of the big guns from what you've been able to observe. He possess strong upper body strength and his hand to hand combat isn't a laughing matter either. That means he's higher up in the ladder of cadets, that's for sure. To top it all off you know you're not as powerful as other members in the team in terms of skill and he's probably silently making a mockery of you for it.

Pursing your lips you decide to play this game cautiously, asking him what it is he needs from you isn't the best option. You're aware he's after something, it's written all over his face. You practically know every deceptive look in the book off by heart. You suppose it's the only perk you got out of living in a noble household for most of your life.

"Why do you care?" You bluntly question him.

"Ohh, you're feisty. Might not want to butt heads with Annie."

"Not sure who that is but I don't plan on it."

Turning away from him it look like you're distracting yourself by collecting pieces of firewood. Trailing around you act as uncaring as possible to annoy him. You need to gauge this man's reaction somehow.

Your plan seems to be working in your favour because you're able to see his footing shift from his natural stance, it looks as if he's about to risk charging at you due to your vulnerable position but you rotate again offering him a knowing smile.

You don't tell him you're conscious of his suspicious nature but if he's quick witted enough he'll be able to figure out you aren't a threat and apparently don't have a clue what it is he's up to. The only reason he'd even consider attacking you would be if he saw you as an issue. For now your act should at least keep him at bay.

"Fine. I'll tell you about my hometown, I'm just..." You pause to make yourself look believable and proceed to look up at him through your lashes, you dart your gaze away and awkwardly scratch the back of your neck exuding coyness.

"I'm incredibly homesick. I miss mother. I always made supper for her, now I can only pray she's not eating burnt chicken." Your act has to be working because his eyes soften and he takes half of the firewood in your arms offering to help you carry it.

"My mum's a great cook, can't relate squirt."

"Who you calling squirt?" You playfully snap back.

"I call everybody that, even Captain Levi... Well, when he isn't around to hear it."

You bite the inside of your cheek at the mention of the Levi's name.

“So you and the Captain? What’s that all about?” His question makes no sense at all, one minute he wants to prod and poke in your personal home life yet the next minute he's asking questions about Levi. The doubts you have surrounding him only thicken.

You take a moment to consider his question,

“Whatever do you mean?” Clueless, you're delivery is excellent. Acting naive is easy enough, everyone within the corps has already decided that's what your automatic disposition is.

Reiner gives you a skeptical look then smiles faintly, “Glaring daggers at Jean after he got handsy with you?”

You cover your mouth with your free hand and laugh so hard the firewood nearly flies out of your grasp.

“Me and Jean are friends, and Levi? He just wanted to find a reason to get mad at us probably.” You hope the explanation suffices because you truly have no idea why Levi had done what he did.

Reiner hums in approval at your answer but he then grins.

“You on first name basis with the Captain?”

Fuck, you called him Levi.

Play it cool.

“Huh? When have I ever said his first name?” Clueless. Your delivery is still perfect.

“Just now.” He fires back, Reiner doesn't seem to be letting up but he doesn't know how smooth of a liar you are.

Living with your father for all those years conditioned you in ways you hadn't even noticed until quite recently.

“Did I? Pardon, I didn’t mean for it to slip out. Sometimes I silently curse him out in my head and forget to add his title.”

Your acting is impeccable, Reiner has no reason to doubt you. As you expect he doesn't instead he shifts the conversation to his hometown, just like you he doesn't explicitly mention a name. Reiner is sharp but he hasn't noticed the way you've left a name out just like him. He's terrible at catching out his own kind.

You decide at that moment that Reiner Braun is a liar. The accusation is more of a hunch meaning more investigation is required.

You won't inform any of the higher ups about it just yet.

The walk back to base is filled with excruciatingly troublesome small talk and you make a mental note to take Mikasa along with you next time it's your turn retrieve the firewood.

You can't afford any more close encounters with Braun or any of his possible accomplices.

Sniggers batter your ears as soon as you step foot onto the grounds, you have a sixth sense when it comes to spiteful bad-mouthing and after the abysmal day you've had you anticipate there will be unpleasant commentary.

"Seen the way Y/N ruined the assault course today?"

"We're the finalized cadets across all the regions of Paradis. That means we have to rely on that embarrassment to fight titans."

"Good Lord, someone have mercy on our souls."

Fellow cadets press on in their criticism thinking you aren't within earshot. That, or they purposefully aim for you to pay attention to the disapproval they have of your presence.

But, you do understand where they're coming from. You make another mental note - practice a bit more later today.

The gossiping isn't anything you're unfamiliar with, your father's palace never offered kindness to you or your existence. In fact it's rather comforting being talked badly about behind your back.

That statement sounds absurd but you can't explain it. Maybe it's due to Levi typically hurling his unnecessary remarks right at you without warning. Then again he does provide everyone with that treatment, even Commander Erwin.

As you hurry away increasing the distance between you and your loud mouthed team members you spot Levi from the corner of your eye. He's in conversation with Hange but you notice how his jaw is clenched in frustration, you feel a pinch over your skin when he spares you a fleeting look. Eyes acquainting yours. Paying  no attention to him you walk away as fast as you can.

The cadets only blow up in volume now, they definitely want you to hear what they have to say.

"Maybe we should ask the higher ups to throw her ou-"

"Questioning authority? Pesky mutineers aren't you?" Levi's booming voice shakes anyone within a five metre vicinity, he comes out of nowhere and seems nothing short of furious.

"You're all," He continues, voice rising, "Incredibly spineless aren't you?"

One of the cadets embellishes their face with a scowl, it doesn't go unnoticed by Levi but he astonishingly doesn't lash out, physically at least. His deathly glare is more than enough to finish the job.

Stupidly you suffer feeling your heart palpitate in your chest watching him talk to the group of three. Stupidly, you're getting your hopes up again.

He scoffs coldly, "If you're all talk why not offer to duel her?"

It doesn't take long for your heart to stop throbbing with its previous intensity. You know it was too good to be true. Levi suddenly defending you that is.

The gesture isn't done to protect or shield you. No, you're sure this man loathes you and is intending to persist on making your life as bleak and dreary as possible.

"Up to a battle Y/N?" The unnamed blonde cadet's scoffs in derision and you find yourself wanting to punch her square in the jaw.

Irritation sears through you but you meekly shake your head mumbling a weak "No thanks.", you're much too afraid to duel anyone just yet and you don't remember her from the training sessions. She must have been in a corner keeping to herself.

With all that being said and done you pathetically withdraw, and just like the past few days you sense Levi's piercing gaze erupting into your soul.

The blistering Sun hits every nook and cranny of the training ground. Waking up early already has you wanting to pass out and the heat isn't any help.

The crowd of cadets mumble in fatigue but observant Mikasa jabs you in the shoulder pointing out how far away Jean has stood from you.

You feel guilty that Jean had to suffer through the humiliation tossed at him yesterday but you are grateful to not deal with his constant questioning and talkative self this early in the morning.

All the way at the other side of the throng of soldiers he stands with Bert, who might you add is a mammoth of a man.

Through some digging (more like asking Mikasa) you've discovered he's close with Reiner and the blonde cadet from yesterday's confrontation, turns out she's the Annie that Reiner warned you off.

"ATTENTION!" Hange sing songs at the front of the training ground. They're jumping around along with Squad Leader Mike checking if everyone's in the correct uniform - Apparently the year prior a cadet showed up wearing a thick cardigan and fainted from heat stroke...

“Today’s exercise is a time to redeem yourself!” Hange’s eyes dart towards you and you smile at one another.

“A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!”

Everyone murmurs looking at each other in pure confusion.

“A fight up against another person. Whoever wins their individual fights will receive extra special privileges." The explanation seems simple enough and you’re confident that if you’re put up against the right people you can make it out safe.

The promise of a reward is also enticing.

The 104th Training Corps are thrilled, there’s nothing too hazardous about the task and it’s nothing difficult to ask for. Even you’re looking forward to it. The chance to rescue your reputation has you pumped up with adrenaline.

“My, my my. Don’t excite yourselves just yet little hens, there’s a pretty little catch.” Hange's voice is laced in mischief. This can't be any good.

Everyone stops breathing in unison and it’s pin drop silent.

“You must cause harm to your opponent in some way. Whether it be making them faint, breaking an arm, breaking a leg. There are no rules when it comes to playing dirty!”

With a playful shrug of their shoulder Hange hops off the podium.

Squad Leader Mike pulls out the list of competitors. He’s decided the line-up on his own and begins the announcement with Bertholdt.

“BERTHOLDT HOOVER..."

Bert turns to look back at Reiner hesitantly and for such a giant it’s adorable how worried he is when everyone else is perturbed thinking about the poor individual who has to go up against him.

"AGAINST Y/N L/N!"

The crowd falls silent and your mouth is wide, this is unjust there’s no way this is allowed.

“Hey, don’t you think that’s kinda unfair?” Krista speaks out for you even though Ymir is by her side trying to talk her out of getting involved.

“She stands no chance against him.” Reiner is supporting your cause too.

Mikasa takes a step forward. “I agree, it’s not right, may I take her place instead?”

“No, no! It’s alright, I’ll go for it.”

Honestly you don’t want the corps to see you as a coward. Bravery and courage is what brought everyone here. Your story is different. You’re here to selfishly save your own life, you aren’t anywhere near as valiant as the rest of them. The very least you can do is partake in activities correctly.

Stepping up to the podium you stand by Bertholdt he gives you a pitiful look whilst he mutters an apology.

Mike continues announcing the names. A few include Jean against Mikasa (Jean may as well forfeit), Marco against Annie and Connie against Reiner - that pairing eases you. At least you aren't in this alone. You and Connie stand no chance against those beasts.

Everyone lines up in their separate areas and again Bertholdt is profusely apologizing asking if you want to fake faint or anything of the sort. You shake your head and promise to give it all you've got.

And then the games begin at the sound of the bell, and damn that Bertholdt because he isn't keeping to his end of the bargain. He lunges forward viciously aiming to crush your entire body but you swiftly dodge, he tries the same approach but when you duck out of the way again he stops knowing he needs to rethinks his strategy.

"Just give it up I'll win either way."

Well, the Mister nice guy act was definitely a believable performance. He was so convincing you even contemplated feigning unconsciousness when he proposed the idea to you.

Bertholdt is much slower than you giving you more time to deliberate your incoming moves. If you can get him to edge close enough to a nearby tree and deceive him into colliding with the oak trunk you should win - only on the condition that he passes out.

The scheme is far-fetched but it's your only hope.

Dashing from various corners he flies after you, each time unable to catch up to you.

That is until you stumble and lurch to the ground. The wind is knocked out of your lungs and you panic when a large hand clutches at your ankle. Your solution? Booting him right in the teeth.

However with an earth-shattering amount of force Hoover's hold on your ankle doesn't weaken. Instead he tightens his hold like a vice. You feel it bruise and the violet discoloration that'll be present in a few hours makes you wince.

Entire body going limp on command, you stop yourself from breathing - another talent you picked up back at the palace to avoid extra beatings.

When you no longer thrash around Bertholdt stalks in to check in on you and as expected he’s now towering over you, blood overflowing in terror.

"SQUAD LEADER HANGE, CAPTAIN LEVI SHE'S NOT MOVING!" He's roaring for their help frantic and anxious. If he's caused any permanent damage he's as good as dead meat.

"Oh my Lord. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

Bertholdt's voice is fractured in unadulterated horror and judging by the direction you hear it at he has to be facing away from you.

Unbolting your eyes you learn your assumption is correct and despite hurried footsteps being within audible range you take your chance by the reigns.

Leaping to your feet and with no forewarning you swing your leg to the back of his neck. Stunned by the surprise attack he falls to his knees and you situate yourself in front of the oak tree you've been eyeing from the time the exercise began.

"You cunning bitch." Staggering back up he makes a swift rebound. At this point all mercy has left him and his one true aim is to completely pulverize you.

Everything is falling into place. All you need to do is wait for the right moment and finally you come across it when he suddenly pounces for you. Darting to the left you leave the space open for your prey.

Poor Bertholdt falls right into the palm of your hands like a rag doll. His momentum can't be controlled and he smashes headfirst into the trunk with a loud crunch sounding out. Bark splits and scrapes off the tree upon impact.

His head has to throb and you don't want to imagine how painful it is to feel the rivulets of soreness.

He doesn't get up and only groans, you feel half bad but after the tricks and antics he pulled you come to the conclusion that it's all deserved.

"Well, Y/N, you've proven yourself to be quite quick witted." Hange's praise is strange to hear but you beam proud that you've proven your worth.

"Oi, don't get ahead of yourself." Levi orders. "It could have been pure luck."

In spite of Levi's pessimism you bask in the glory of your win.

A week into joining Levi's unit you're becoming more accustomed to the new environment, in fact the gossiping and horrible rumours stop completely after your win and interactions with your fellow comrades feel easier and lighter.

You think the taunts will have only got more relentless after the duel fiasco but you suppose Annie chose to be considerate and take pity on you.

"Your progress has been remarkable so far." You jump when you hear Jean's deep voice appear right next to you.

Looking around to see if any other cadets are around you finally release a breath you didn't even know you were holding in.

"Ah. Thank you." You murmur quietly.

"I know it's been a week since I was scolded by the Captain but this won't count as flirting will it?"

Impeding the one sided conversation you're reflecting, you're not sure what exactly about. Probably whether or not you should maintain the discussion - if it can even be referred to as such.

Forget it. You know what they say, you only live once.

Flicking his forehead you roll your eyes, "We were never flirting he's just an over dramatic, bitter hag. I put my money on the fact he's never felt the touch of a woman before."

Jean's eyes widen in disbelief, you half expect he'll split open in tremendous laughter but he looks terrified. Then you become conscious of the fact he's not even staring at you, his eyes are engrossed by whatever is behind you.

Unfortunately for you your body tells you all you need to know. His cologne floods into your nostrils, you can't even reassure yourself and pretend it's anyone else, you know he's the only one who smells that strongly of fresh linen.

Being unable to see him doesn't stop you from imagining his dark lifeless eyes accompanying themselves with what is before them.

It doesn't even take Jean a minute to abandon you, he breaks out into an awkward smile, hurriedly pats your shoulder before dashing away, dispersing all the way to the other end of the hallway in a matter of seconds and turning the corner away from you.

Heart rate soaring you hesitantly spin on your heel. Levi's stood there, looking beyond unimpressed.

You intend to breeze past him, cool and collected. You take a step forward but God has never been one to bless you with luck, stumbling and tripping over thin air lands you flying.

Ready for impact you brace yourself but it never comes, instead solid hands are firmly placed at the small of your back steadying your position and your palms have unceremoniously landed atop his torso.

"Play along." Levi's voice is low and rumbling, and you can't look him in the eyes. Not out of fear or dread, more so exhaustion but you muster the energy to look to your left. There Erwin and Hange stand giggling to themselves like children. As quick as you spot them they vanish in the same fashion. It's as if they were never there.

You're worn out and fatigued wanting nothing more than a good night's rest. If there's one thing you haven't grown used to it's the lack of sleep.

"Let go." Moving to shift his hands away from your waist you halt your movements when he without warning lets go of you, not even giving you the opportunity to renovate your balance.

Flying to the ground and landing with a thud you rub your backside at the blow.

Mirthlessly chuckling the lack of amusement is clear in the way he composes himself.

Making a dash for it sounds tempting but you may as well let him have his way. There's no action you can take to avoid him reprimanding you. It's your fault for having the gall to make that crude and foul-mouthed comment in the first place.

You gulp comprehending the situation is even worse now since you really only said it for the sole reason of Kirstein's amusement.

"Y/N, I'd like to have a word with you."

Hesitantly you look up at Levi, he has an indecipherable expression on his face, it's been a while since you've last been left in his company alone.

The two of you are stood in his office, his desk is flooded with papers, they're haphazardly scattered all over the place and spikes of worry weirdly make them self present in your belly. This isn't right. He'd never leave his work space in this state.

"Are you okay?" You ask it because you’re sure he isn't.

His shoulders and spine stiffen. "Cut the crap and keep the formalities to yourself." He chides, most definitely defensive in his stance.

Without asking him you shuffle to his desk stacking the papers into organised piles, most of the documents are related to an up and coming expedition and it's all beginning to add up. Even humanities strongest soldier has moments where he cracks.

Then you notice your name on the formation plan but before you're able to make anything out of it Levi snatches it off his desk and away from you stuffing it into his pocket.

Without another sound he observes you cleaning the rest of the mess away but doesn't ask for you to stop. There's no reason for him to.

If you do this maybe he'll go easier on you, yeah that's what your motivation is. That's not exactly the truth, really you're just concerned about whatever has him worked up.

Placing the last document in its rightful place you want to give your mind a moment to recollect itself but Levi doesn't think the same.

He places his arms on either side of the desk, trapping you with no way out. Oddly, there's nothing threatening about him looking down at you this time, the greys and blues of his iris' captivate you.

"Do you enjoy making a mockery of your husband?" The question is whispered. It's unanticipated and the title of husband is uncharacteristic coming out of his mouth.

"It was just a joke." You mumble your answer under your breath.

"Would you have spouted that shit in front of the rest of the unit?"

Mildly shaking your head he then sighs. He’s not angry, he genuinely seems let down.

"Do you prefer him over me?” You swear you hear the faintest hint of self-doubt.

His questions are getting more out of the ordinary by the second and you’re waiting for him to crack a malevolent grin before he ridicules you like he always does.

“Of course I don’t prefer him over you.”

“Prove it.”

Tilting your head up towards him you have no idea what he wants for you to do or say, why does this suddenly even matter to him?

And then you imagine it happen, him digging his hands into your shoulders. Your weight along with his shifting up against the desk making it creak. Your mind details how he would kiss you agitatedly and you flush thinking about how you would feverishly return the favour.

It seems like your imagination predicts the future. He grips your jaw with his hand, his touch isn’t firm and for once it’s quite soft. Relishing in the new experience as he leans in you secure your eyes shut in expectation.

Stroking your cheek with his thumb the warm sensation that courses through your body is rather pleasant. His hands come out to run against your body, pinching the sides of your waist. The motion makes your heart stall for a second. Involuntarily, you find yourself leaning into him.

“This seem like a man who hasn’t felt the touch of a woman before?”

And just like that he leaves you hanging. You flutter your eyes open and there he is. He’s back, the same cynical man, smirk etched onto his features, his body still parallel to yours.

You find yourself enraged at how he's just lead and dragged you on, you should have stuck with your gut feeling and not given into temptation but you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat. It's very obvious who the cat is in this situation.

Brows furrowing you can’t face him ever again after the scalding embarrassment inhabits your abdomen.

"Going to cry, Cadet?" He's pushing all your buttons, eagerly choosing to provoke you.

The frustration you’ve been feeling fills you to the brim and you clamp down on your bottom lip. If you must turn to inflicting harm onto yourself just to muffle the sound of your whimpers you will.

“Did you need to do that?” You choke out your response feeling helpless, still not looking at him.

“Simply gave you a taste of your own medicine.”

Silence.

"Sometimes I wish you killed me back then."

Silver eyes become dark and he visibly flinches at your confession.

Still boxed in-between his arms you attempt to push past but he continues to obstruct the exit. He's not done yet.

"I gave you another chance at life." His blunt one-sided view is about to drive you crazy.

"Within my first day at this unit I had to avoid being attacked by another cadet in the forest if you call that a life I do-"

“Who?”

“Not important."

“If you know what's good for you, you'll spit it out."

For the sole purpose of irking him you heavily shake your head to emphasise your refusal to give in and name the culprit. It's not like you want Reiner to fall into trouble because of you. He hasn't shown any suspicious or out of the ordinary behaviour since then and you worry what Levi is capable of doing when given a reason to hurt someone.

Glancing at him dismissively you try to make your point again. "They haven't done anything since. Therefore, it's of no importance."

Conflicted emotions scurry over his face as he looks at you.

"It's of importance if my wif-" He growls and stops midway. His hands grip onto the desk even harder, knuckles turning white.

Was he about to say, wife?

Levi immediately realizes what he's nearly just said sounds exceedingly questionable. A look of uncertainty flashes over his face and then it seems he loses all regard for self-control. His willpower isn't enough to get him through this situation and he only amplifies.

Encroaching further into the very little space amongst the both of you his tone is icy. "Tell me." He's glowering and for Reiner's wellbeing you decide you should just come out with it now. He'll be in an even more difficult spot if you don't.

"Reiner, it was Reiner." You gasp out the answer, shallow breath ragged. Head turning away to the side you're not particularly sure why you're so shaky and why you feel a tremor flood past you inundating your movement. It may all be a combination of how close he's standing to you and how intoxicatingly strong his aura is.

Or, perhaps it's due to how he nearly referred to you as his wife during his primal outburst of anger.

He turns away. Automatically creating yet another blockade between the two of you.

"You're dismissed."

[gallavichthings]

Today’s interviewee is the lovely Emma ( @livinginsunnyhell / ProstheticLoVe), author of hits like Never Tear Us Apart, Homecoming and The Evolution of Kissing. While she might still be considered somewhat new to the fandom, having been here for a bit over a year, she has already largely contributed to it and I’m sure will continue to do so in the future! 

GT: What can you tell us about yourself?

E: I am an American female who wishes she lived in Europe. I recently transitioned from working in marketing to data analytics. I love traveling, reading, exercising, knitting, coding, and writing. I’m also in the process of moving across the country for the second time. I’ve been writing fanfiction off and on for about 15 years which is nuts to think about. Actually more like almost 20 years but I didn’t publish anything until I was 14. I love writing, it’s my greatest passion, but since I’ve transitioned more into a STEM field it’s exciting to find other things I’m good at too. I definitely have a growth mindset when it comes to my hobbies and in my life in general.

GT: Wow, sounds like you have multiple skills! That's incredible! How do you choose what you want to do when you have some free time?

E: Lol thanks. Yeah that’s a great question cause I honestly have no idea. I wish I had more free time. I’m in the middle of knitting a dog sweater for a friend and I haven’t had as much time as I want to work on it. It was a lot easier when I wasn’t working.

What works for me is having a set goal of what I want to do everyday for writing, exercising, and coding. I got into a really good habit of doing all three of those things after I lost my job and it all kinda stuck. I’ve also virtually stopped watching TV except for new Shameless episodes. I just haven’t had the time. Since I have such little free time right now I’ve been focusing on what I really want to do which is make my writing better, get better at coding, and exercise for my sanity. So it’s really a juggling game and utilizing what little time I have for things I want to work on.

GT: I'm so jealous of your focus. I just graduated in webdesign and I should DEFINITELY practice coding and learn more, but I just feel so tired! Same with writing, I spent a long time not writing anything, trying to get back to it now… And don't even get me started on exercising… Seriously jealous.

E: I know exactly what you mean. I should preface this with saying it took me a very very very long time to get to where I am with writing every day and exercising. I went years without writing especially when I was working in marketing because of writing content for websites everyday and I was burnt out, so I definitely get it. For me, covid weirdly centered me and helped me figure out what I wanted my life to look like going forward. Losing my job really was humbling and a blessing in disguise cause it helped me kinda get back to where I wanted to be. Obviously it’s difficult and I was lucky but it’s not something you do overnight it’s taken years to get this mentality.

So don’t be jealous! That’s awesome that you graduated in web design! It’s a very fun and growing field. I have friends who really love their jobs.

GT: Tell me a bit about your history with fanfiction. You said you started writing it really young. What fandom did you write for?

E: So initially I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have notebooks upon notebooks full of Buffy fanfiction that I never published (and that’s deeply terrible). But after Buffy my first fandom I posted in was That 70s show. Then there was Veronica Mars, Lost, Sons of Anarchy, The OC, Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill, Once Upon A Time, Arrow, X-men, and Degrassi (over several years and flowing obsessions). They were all generally never finished.

As I got older, I started to write better and focus more on the art and process of writing. I also developed better grammar and storytelling. I’ve gotten many, many, reviews saying very critical things that in the end helped me be a better writer.

After a while of not writing, I came back to fanfiction for The Vampire Diaries fandom and Veronica Mars when the movie was released. And I think that’s when my writing went from cobbled together fics that were rarely finished to an actual story I was proud of.

What’s really interesting is seeing the upward trajectory of my writing. I wouldn’t recommend anyone reading those early fics (I’d even argue no one read my very first few gallavich fics from last year) but it’s fascinating to see how I went from tiny very terrible stories to ones that were much more in depth and well rounded. The last fandom I was in before gallavich was a super tiny one called Veep and prior to that I hadn’t written in years.

GT: What made you want to get into the Gallavich fandom?

E: I had seen Shameless when it first came on Netflix many years ago. My mom actually watched the show since the beginning and loved it and kept telling me to watch it. Finally I got around to doing it and really enjoyed it until I found out Mickey wasn’t on the show passed s5 so I stopped watching at s5. (Most of my ships never got a happy ending so I didn’t want to watch another ship crash and burn.) Then right before season 10 came out I think I was on Tumblr and saw someone post about Mickey returning so I went and did some research. Once I found out it was true, I decided to rewatch and rediscovered gallavich. And as always when I develop an obsession with a tv show/movie/book, I turned to fanfiction. It’s funny cause I was in a very small fandom so coming into Gallavich was almost overwhelming because it’s so big and there’s so much to read.

GT: Tell me about it! It's impossible to catch up, not that I'm complaining. Which of the fics you've read did you enjoy the most?

E: I know right!! It’s incredible! So the first multi chapter fic I read that really solidified my love of gallavich was The Road To Ruin by bricileur10. I was blown away by that fic. Holy shit. I also loved The Sun, Chasing The Moon by devovitsuasartes. I really liked the method of storytelling and where they took the story post canon. And the other one I read in the beginning and loved was When the Party’s Over verse series by emryses [@merlinoutofcontext]. As you can see I’m very into canon compliant. I also really enjoyed the Our Souls series by @wehangout and Drop Your Guard by allysavedtheday (also I highly recommend Seal my Fate). Now, I’ve also really enjoyed Like Real People Do and Everything About You by grayola [@gallavichy]. And anything by Coldreign, gallavichsecurity, AnnaNSmith [@annansmith], sadwhales, and @captainjowl​. I’m trying to get away from only reading one shots but right now that seems like the only thing I have time for. 

GT: And what was the motivation for your first Gallavich fic?

E: That’s a great question. So my motivation in general for fanfiction is if I’m dissatisfied with something that happens in canon, I feel unfulfilled, so I need something to help wrap up the story. The reason I write in general is two fold: 1) I can’t find a story I want to read that has the specifics I’m looking for and 2) I can’t get an idea out of my head.

I hadn’t written for about a year I think when I wrote my first gallavich fanfic. (Like I said I had a lot of WIPs that were abandoned and I didn’t want to do that to another fic.) So I started off slow with a fix it fic, which turned out okay. It’s called Fifty-Five Fires and it was set right before 10x10. Then a multi chapter evolutionary fic about their kisses which I loved writing because it expands over 1-10 and I really wanted to write something that explored their history together. I got the idea for The Evolution of Kissing because I saw a showtime compilation of their history and it triggered the idea of exploring their kisses. I was hesitant to write the fic but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone so I did and promised myself I’d finish everything I started and I have.

GT: Has the fandom reception to your fics surprised you?

E: Yes! It does surprise me. It’s funny when I look at my writing I think it’s okay. It’s better than where it was but I still struggle with a lot. It’s such a process. When I read over my older fics and when I say older I mean in the last year, I see the weak areas I should’ve written better rather than what’s actually really good. There are areas I definitely want to work on like I’m too introspective and I need more action. I’m hoping with my upcoming fics I can change that.

GT: When did you start watching Shameless and what attracted you to Ian and Mickey's relationship?

E: I started watching Shameless when it came out on Netflix a few years ago and then came back right before season 10. I’d seen it off and on through the years but until it was on Netflix, I hadn’t seen more than a few episodes here and there thanks to my mom who watched it religiously. I remember her telling me about Mickey and Ian’s relationship and now when we watch it together, she always awws when something happens with them. One of the first episodes I saw was when Ian left Mickey at the border and I remember being intrigued by it.

Initially what attracted me was the bad boy liking the ‘good’ guy. But then I got to know the characters (and understand them more) and I really liked Mickey’s internal struggle toward accepting himself and then his fierce love for Ian. I also loved how Mickey took care of Ian when he was diagnosed with bipolar. I really enjoyed Mickey’s transformation and I loved how sure Ian was of Mickey. Initially, I was really drawn to Mickey but now I’d say I enjoy watching Ian just as much. I have a newfound appreciation for Ian, especially when I rewatch. Mickey’s so much more in your face with everything and Ian is so much more subtle and I really enjoy that juxtaposition. The biggest attraction to their relationship is the history, their deep love for each other, and their friendship. Their relationship is also so layered and there’s so much to explore as a writer and an audience member but you know these characters love each other deeply. You can feel it.

GT: Do you have a preference for writing one of them?

E: I go back and forth cause I want to show both of their POVs. In my multi chapter fics, I switch off. I find writing Mickey easier but I relate more to Ian. Ian I find to be very difficult to write especially as an adult. In the beginning of s11, I found it difficult to write Mickey too. I always worry I write them too soft. But I like writing them equally.

GT: What's the most difficult thing about writing them?

E: Oh that’s a hard question. I’d say 1) keeping them in character. I really strive to keep them in character no matter what and sometimes it’s easier to do than others. I’ve nixed huge scenes and entire ideas cause they sounded off to me or I know I couldn’t keep them in character.

2) the emotional scenes. I’ve written some scenes where they talk to each other and try to work through their shit. This is most evident in Never Tear Us Apart and it’s difficult to balance who they are with what they would say and do in an emotional situation. There are some things I want then to say but I know they’d never say it. So specifically in Never Tear Us Apart Ian and Mickey both open up to each other about different things and they are long speeches but I wasn’t sure how to write what their character would say without it coming off as unrealistic and preachy and off putting. So it’s really that balancing act between believable and being true to their character. I found this particularly difficult with Mickey in the beginning of writing gallavich and then after s11 started. I worry I write him as too soft (and sometimes too smart, even though I think he’s smart) vs. keeping him in character.

GT: It really is a trick balance.

E: It really is!

GT: What's the best thing about writing them?

E: The best thing about writing them is that there’s so much to explore. I love writing canon compliant fics (although I do have an AU coming out for the Big Bang and I’ve started outlining another AU) with them because there’s just so much there. They have an incredible amount of history to choose from and explore and I feel like every time I watch a new scene I discover something else about their relationship I want to write about. You can write teenage gallavich or explore Ian just being diagnosed with bipolar and Mickey finally coming out. Then there’s post s5 and all the things you could imagine after that. There’s Mexico or prison. Finally established gallavich which is my preferred writing niche is a lot of fun to write. My favorite part about writing them is how they take care of each other. I like reading and writing Mickey taking care of Ian when he’s having a low episode and I like Mickey working through his internalized homophobia with Ian’s help. What’s so great about writing gallavich is their history and the foundation of their friendship. They genuinely like being together and that’s the basis for all the fics I write about them. They genuinely just like each other.

GT: Do you do any research before or while writing?

E: Yes lol. I have a whole process. Either I’ll rewatch a few scenes or in the case of Chocolate and Cigarettes I rewatched the entire first season. Generally I’ll bookmark a part to look into later so I don’t lose the writing flow. Usually I research while editing or to get into ‘the mood to write’ I’ll rewatch some scenes.

GT:  How much of your fics are outlined and how much is written "on the fly"?

E: All of my fics are outlined. From the multi chapter to the one shots. Outlining helps me so much. I mentioned before that I have a lot of abandoned fics in other fandoms and that’s because I wrote on the fly with no idea where the fic was going. I slowly got into outlining in the last fandom I was in but it wasn’t as intensive as it is now. When I wrote The Evolution Of Kissing, I wrote my first in depth outline and I contribute that to how quickly I finished that fic. Now I outline everything and it’s also a way to help me figure out if I genuinely want to write the fic. If I finish the outline and I’m lackluster about it, then I won’t write it. However I don’t always stick to the outline. Sometimes the fic has a mind of its own. But usually outlining helps me finish the fic, know where I left off, add in little hints to wrap everything together, and check off the scenes and themes I want to incorporate.

GT: How often do you post when you write multi-chapters? Do you write chapters in advance or do you post them as you write them?

E: So generally I post once a week. Usually on Wednesdays or Friday/Saturday. I got into a really good habit of posting once a week. (I used to post sporadically. The gallavich fandom is the only fandom I’ve written on a schedule.) The outlining really helps to guide the story for me. I’ve never written chapters in advanced except for the Big Bang fic I’m working on. That’ll be my first story I’ve written all in advanced and posted at once.

I prefer to write as I post them because sometimes people will leave comments that make me think about adding in other scenes or going in a slightly different direction.

GT: Yes, I totally get that, feedback is important. Speaking of, what are your favorite kinds of comments to receive?

E: It is! And it’s fun to see what people think of the story and what will happen. Lol any comment really, whether someone wants to leave an emoji or a long comment, I’ll take either. It’s just nice to know people are enjoying the story. I do like hearing where people think the story is going or what their favorite parts are. I recently had a lovely reviewer leave an amazingly heartfelt comment that was really impactful. I also love to see people who have read a few of my stories return and leave their thoughts. Honestly I just like engaging with the readers and hearing what they think of gallavich and the storyline I decided to explore.

What I like about aO3 though is the ability to give kudos. I like that you’re able to see if people are enjoying the fic even if they don’t feel comfortable enough to leave a review.

GT: I wish we could leave kudos in every chapter.

E: Yes! I agree. I wish that was a feature too.

GT: What kind of fics do you write the most?

E: Mostly I write canon compliant. I have written a lot of one-shots lately that are bunched together in different series but I like writing multi-chapter fics more. Recently, I’ve had a lot of one-shot ideas. Most of my fics are established but I also like writing pining and getting together. I’m tentatively stepping into the AU world with my Big Bang fic and the next multi chapter fic I write, which I’m planning to be 20 chapters.

Lately, most of my fics are fluffy, but I also have smutty and a little angsty. It’s hard since most of the oneshots I’ve written recently have been very soft and transcending through their history. But for my next fic, I want to move away from that and write more angsty and lots of pining. This is a long way of saying I like writing different things so you’ll find a little of everything.

GT: What about reading, what kinds of fic do you usually read?

E: Oh wow I have so many open tabs right now. Lately I’ve been reading established and s11 fics. I have really enjoyed watching the new episodes and then reading new fics that help to fill in the gaps. I love established gallavich and reading where writers are taking them. I love the little cute domestic moments in fanfic that really bring gallavich to life.

Overall, I love reading canon compliant but I have enjoyed reading AUs with chef Mickey, best friends, enemies to lovers, soulmate, and meet cute fics. I also enjoy reading fics that explore their issues too such as Ian’s bipolar and Mickeys internalized homophobia.

GT: What makes you close the tab and give up when you're reading a fic?

E: Generally my computer crashes lol. Or I finally get around to reading the fic. I also have a spreadsheet of fics that I sometimes put everything into to help keep track of everything. Honestly I’ll close a tab and five more will pop up of fics I want to read or saw recommended. I think right now I have 80 tabs waiting to be read.

GT: Lol no, I meant, what makes you stop reading?

E: Oh lol! Duh. Sorry. I’ve been reading a lot of one shots cause I can’t get away with reading a one am fic right now so that’s helpful to stop reading organically.

Also, I’m picky about what I read. I dislike reading OOC, pet names that wouldn’t happen in canon (like baby and sweetie), saying I love you too quickly, slow burns that aren’t actually slow burns, large grammar mistakes (everyone makes them but when they are happening consecutively it can take me out of the moment.), actions that take me out of the moment or words that a character wouldn’t say, and lots of telling vs showing. If I like the summary, I’ll definitely check it out. This is across all fandoms for me. I really value when someone can write a character in character and show they understand them so fics that miss that mark I can’t get into as much unfortunately. Oh! Also character bashing. And I mean any character.

GT: To be fair, Ian did call Mickey "baby" canonically now lol

E: That’s true and I have to come to terms with that. I also took it as more of a yeah baby type deal! But it’s all up for interpretation. I do like coming up with nicknames Mickey would use for Ian so there’s that.

GT: Which other characters from the show do you like? Do you ever read or write about them?

E: I love Fiona and Carl and Lip. I don’t write anything other than Ian and Mickey but I have my own head canon about Mandy and Carl. I also really like to write family scenes and Ian and Mickey with the rest of the Gallaghers. I guess I like writing Mickey and Ian interacting with other characters (except Frank and Terry) but I wouldn’t write a whole fic about another character on the show.

GT: Wait, tell me more about that headcanon about Mandy and Carl.

E: I’ll probably get a lot of hate for this and it’s not a popular opinion but I think Carl would be great for Mandy. He is the sweetest. I think (minus his White Boy Carl phase) he treats women well and Mandy needs someone who appreciates her. I think her and Carl could be happy together.

Lip was always so awful to her and I think Carl would be the badass she liked from lip with the sweetness of Ian. Carl just had to grow up. It’s really weird I know.

GT: It's definitely unusual, but I've seen worse pairings. It's difficult for me to imagine because I still think of Carl as a child, but in reality Mandy is what, 5 years older? But yeah, it's a bit weird for me, though I've definitely seen weirder, so maybe someone will agree with you.

E: Yeah I know what you mean. I still see Carl as a little kid too. And this is so a futuristic head canon. It wouldn’t happen for like 10 years when it’s one of those things where they run into each other at gallavich’s first kid’s birthday party. They just happen to be eating together and Mandy still sees him as a little kid but they become friendly and hang out at these whenever they’re put together. And a few years after that they slowly become friends after Mandy moves back to a Chicago and Carl randomly runs into her. Over time, Mandy stops seeing Carl as a kid and Carl admits he used to have a crush on her and they one day decide to start dating after they’ve both been stung too many times by other people. So it’s all very much in the future. Like I said it’s kinda weird and I don’t actively ship it. It’s just a nice way for two characters who have been dealt a bad hand in love to get a happy ending.

GT: What's your favorite Gallavich fic that you’ve written so far and why?

E: They’re all my favorites cause they’re my kids lol. But I’d have to say that I’m more proud of some of the fics I’ve written than others.

I really enjoyed writing Never Tear Us Apart and the oneshots that came after that. I loved writing established gallavich and having them start to work on some issues. It was a lot of fun to write the holiday oneshots and dive into their first year of married life.

The fic I’m most proud of though is the Chocolate and Cigarettes series. It’s two five chapter fics, one takes place from Mickey’s POV and the other from Ian’s and it’s from before canon to 1x09. Cigarettes is about Mickey learning to come to terms with being gay and what that means. It’s a deep dive into his sexuality and Chocolate is about Ian learning what love really is. It’s basically how we got from Ian thinking he’s in love with Kash to running to Mickey when Monica comes back. This is the fic I tell people to read when they ask what they should read by me. I really like the themes it explores and how it all comes together. I think it brings to life what could’ve happened behind the scenes in season 1 that we didn’t see.

And after it comes out, my Big Bang fic will be my favorite cause I really love the pining and sexual tension in this fic. There’s a scene that is all sexual tension and it’s description, so it was difficult to write but it came out really really well.

And lastly my favorite one-shot is tied between Sensory Detail and Bathtime For Bondage. The first one deals with clothes sharing for gallavich, which I loved to dive into the history of some of their clothing items and how it ties into their own history. The second one is about them scheduling bath tub dates and I really enjoyed writing Mickey’s growth of enjoying baths and that romantic time with Ian.

GT: Where do you get the inspiration for your fics?

E: Everywhere. It’s really a disease. I get inspired to write all the time. Sometimes I get ideas from moments in the show that I wonder what would’ve happened if something changed or I get inspiration from metas or other fanfics. When I talk to @annansmith​, I get a bunch of ideas as well like the bathtub fic. Sometimes I’ll just be running or taking a shower and an idea will hit me that I can’t shake. I have a lot of ideas but not enough time to write them. And also I’ll see prompts on tumblr too. @ianandmickeygallavich​ just posted a bunch of great prompts that looked fun to write. So really it’s everywhere but it’s what sticks with me that I end up writing.

I have a google doc I dump all my ideas or situations I want to explore into. Sometimes I’ll just write hand holding and I know I want to write a fic or a scene about hand holding. The google doc is about 5 pages and color coded to help me figure out what’s just a fleeting idea and what I genuinely would have fun writing.

GT: Again, I'm very jealous of and amazed by your organization skills.

E: Lol I will gift you my skills. I have a lot of anxiety and planning helps to combat it.

GT: How many fics do you have in the works now? What can we expect from you for the future?

E: So I am working on a little series called The Passing Of Time right now. I have two more parts to finish in that series. It focuses on specific moments in gallavich’s relationship such as friendship, hand holding, romance and shows the development from the beginning to now.

I also have a Big Bang fic that will be coming out that’s an AU. I’m really excited about it. It’s very different than any fic I’ve done before. And it’s an idea I’ve had for a really long time so it’s been great for that to come to fruition.

And then my next project is a multi chapter fic that will also be AU. I would like to write a post s11 fic exploring gallavich’s new life living on the west side. I’d also like to write another fic that continues in The Rest Of Our Lives series which dives into season 11 with fix its and filler scenes. But I only work on one fic at a time so there’s a lot of things I want to write and it’ll take awhile to get around to it. So yes you can expect a lot more from me in the future.

GT: Awesome!

E: Lol thanks! I’m looking forward to it.

GT: Back to Shameless, if you could change one thing that happened to Ian and Mickey on the show, what would it be?

E: Hm... that’s a great question. You know I’m not happy with all of the decisions that have been made or the directions they chose to go in. I had an issue with the start of s11 for instance, but I am happy with where they have ended up. As someone who wasn’t sure after watching 11x1 I have been really happy with the season and I think the finale will be really good. Obviously it would’ve been great if Mickey stayed through the series but I’m not sure if we would’ve gotten the same ending that was as satisfying. I think we would’ve gotten way more drama for drama’s sake rather than letting the storyline go organically. Obviously we’ll never know what would’ve happened post s5 if Mickey stayed, but I would love to know what they had planned. So it’s probably an unpopular opinion but I am happy with the trajectory of the show. There were a lot of trials and tribulations but I’ve never shipped a couple who got that happy ending, who got married, and who we got to see grow. And if we had to go through all of that just to get a really great ending for them, then I think it’s been worth it.

That being said I do have issues with certain aspects of the show. I mean I wouldn’t write so much fanfiction if I was completely satisfied with it. There are areas I wish we would’ve gotten to see more of and themes that I think should’ve been further explored and interesting to see in their story.

GT: Such as?

E: I would’ve liked to see more about how they fell in love back in season 1 and the summer of love in season 2. What was going on in season 2? There’s not much there. We know they hook up but Ian overall doesn’t have a huge storyline in s2. And how do we get from Mickey and Ian just hooking up in season 1 to Ian running to Mickey post Monica’s return? I’ve written my own what I think happens but it would’ve been great to see just a tad more to really understand and see Mickey softening to Ian and Ian learning about Mickey.

In season 4 to 5, it would’ve been interesting to see what happened after Ian wouldn’t get out of bed and how they got to cohabitating with Svetlana. What are Mickey’s feelings there? Especially with Yev. It would’ve been interesting to just get a little more feelings about how Mickey balanced all of it. As for the first low episode, how did they both deal with that? Did Mickey try to talk to him? Did Ian tell him it was just the drugs?

While Mickey was gone, it would’ve also been nice to see Ian miss him more. We’ve gotten some great Mickey missing Ian scenes but it would’ve added to the story (and the heartbreak) if it was reversed. Ian is really depressed in s6 and we can assume why but does he still have Mickey’s stuff around? Does he think about him at all? Does he tell stories about him? Also what happened between s5 and s6 with Mickey’s sentencing? Was Ian there? And Ian visiting Mickey in prison and in juvie. What happened? Did he go often? Did he visit once a week or once a month?

I would’ve also loved to see them more in prison and their life there. What was Mickey thinking? Was Ian more remorseful? How did they come to terms with being back together? Did they have any conversations about the past? Or did they just pretend everything is fine? Prison I think would’ve been the most interesting storyline they pretty much skipped over their time there to get them back to the Gallagher house.

Also later on in their relationship in s10 and s11 I would’ve liked to see how they dealt with Ian’s bipolar. It was such a big thing to tear them apart and yet we don’t see much of it since it doesn’t add to the story so it’s not utilized. I also would have liked to see Mickey talking about Ian leaving him in prison and the border. How did they work through all of that? Or have they? And it would’ve been interesting to hear the follow up and the rationale a little more about the monogamy conversation. How did they end up there? Why are threesomes okay? Will they reevaluate the rules later on? And how does that mash up with Mickey beating someone up when he found out Ian did the porno/was cheating in him? Also the porno? Is that just totally forgotten?

I guess I just wanted to see a bit more into their lives and how they ended up on certain topics and things together. And the themes I’d want more explored are: falling in love, heartbreak, Ian’s bipolar, Mickey’s past, Ian realizing he needed to do better, monogamy, staying in love, parenthood, and dealing with the past.

GT: Basically, we all wanted the Gallavich show. Or at least for Shameless to have better writers lol. I understand the feeling, it's the wasted potential. They could have done much more with them, showed so much more, that we can't help but feel disappointed that we didn't see more. That's the great thing about fanfiction though, we fill in the gaps ourselves, many times over.

E: Yes exactly! It is wasted potential! I actually feel like that too with Fiona's storyline as well. They basically made her storylines all about guys after season 3 and it’s really a shame because I love the family aspect of the show.

GT: What's your favorite season of Shameless? Do you have a favorite episode?

E: Oh shit lol. Hmmmm I really like seasons 1-5. I think they are really well done. I could watch those five seasons again and again. (And I have) without skipping any scenes. But if I have to pick a favorite season... I think I’d say 4 cause that’s where a majority of my favorite episodes lie. However, I’ve also really enjoyed seasons 1 and 11.

Yes I have a favorite episode. I have several. I love 4x11 and 4x12. I also love 10x12 and 5x09. But I’d I have to choose 5x08 because the sorry I’m late scene is my absolute favorite. There are many scenes I’ve watched over and over and have really enjoyed.

GT: That's about all I had to ask! One last thing: how did you come up with your AO3 and Tumblr usernames?

E: Sweet! Well I love Buffy the vampire slayer and one of the characters refers to Sunnydale (the name of the town they live in) as Sunnyhell cause it’s the mouth of hell. And my AO3 name is actually a song by typhoon that played during an important Veronica Mars scene and LoVe is the name of the ship that I enjoyed in Veronica Mars. So it’s a play on the song and on the ship.

I just wanted to say before we finish up that this has been really fun to do and I thank you for the opportunity. I’ve read a lot of the other interviews and I love that you’re doing a wide variety of authors in the fandom. It’s neat to see authors that I’ve read and enjoyed and writers who I’ve never read but now know about and am looking forward to checking out. So thank you so much for doing this and showcasing a wide variety of authors and artists. It’s a great opportunity and I appreciate it as a reader and writer.

GT: Thank YOU for participating, it was a pleasure.