#i’ve also only been trained in musical theatre and choral styles

[lesbianboyfriend]

would love to start vocal lessons again. think that might heal something in me. but the money.

[michael-radi-the-glamorous-life]

As We Stumble Along...

This week I had the pleasure of being part of the first NYC externship for my Alma Mater’s brand new, and now fully developed, Musical Theater Program. I had the chance to work with some lovely SUNY Geneseo Juniors and Seniors in a new musical theatre workshop - an entirely new experience for all of them - and attended the first ever Senior Showcase. The talent was wonderful, the interactions were lovely, and the entire experience got me thinking…a dangerous pastime, I know.

As a part of the workshop I had to essentially explain to the students who I am, what I do, how that’s relevant to Geneseo, and how I got to where I am. And you know what? That was much more difficult than I expected.

At this moment in my career, these are the titles that I can, and generally do, give myself:

Composer-Lyricist/Librettist (technically 3 titles?)

Performer (Musical and non-Musical Theatre)

Musical Director

Vocal Coach

Accompanist (I do this less often)

Arranger/Orchestrator (though mostly my own material these days)

One of the Geneseo students said “You do so much!” and I guess that’s true. But I think the better question is, how the heck did I learn to do all of these things?

Broadway Standard

The one area from the above list where multiple straightforward and comprehensive paths of education exist is performance.

The theatre as a whole has always recognized that performers are necessary to train in large numbers since shows and theaters exist all over the place with roles that need filling. And performing is the most visible aspect of theatre, which makes it a great entry point for those interest in the business. So plenty of paths exist for people to become performers, and I won’t bore you with the details of mine. Everyone has their own stories on this one.

The other item on the list that is fairly straightforward, though certainly less common than performance, would be accompaniment.

***Quick PSA***: Someone who accompanies is called an ac-com-pa-nist. Not an ac-com-pa-NEE-ist, or any other version. Not a crucial thing to know, but I figured I’d throw it out there :-)

Usually the story I hear from pianists is that they were, at one time in their early life, cornered by some teacher or choral director or other and told they should play piano for a choir, jazz group, or school musical. And thus was born another accompanist.

For me, it was basically the same. My piano teacher told me I should, my choral teacher lost their previous student accompanist, and thus I was tagged for the job!

Where I diverge a little is that I found out I really enjoyed playing musical theatre songs for my friends, and started wanting to be better at it. So I made a point of finding all of the musical theatre music that I could in books and scores, sitting down, and attempting to play it. This is a pastime I continue today, and it has made my skills as an accompanist must stronger - so I would recommend this to anyone looking to hone this particular skill.

Barely Knowing Left From Right

My time at SUNY Geneseo ended up being quite crucial to the accidental development of two other items on that list: musical direction and vocal coaching.

Because I was already a pianist and accompanist, something that was well known by the beginning of my Junior year, I was tapped to be the Musical Director of one of our a cappella groups (and eventually the other as well). I knew from watching previous MDs that the basics of this job was to simply teach notes, but that the good ones could do oh-so-much more. And I wanted to be a good one.

(Anyone surprised? You may have gathered from my blogs thus far that I’m a little competitive about being good at what I do… :-D )

So I went to it. I learned by watching what others did, listening to my favorite arrangements and performances, and started trying things out. It was a lot of trial by fire. But soon I figured out what worked and made the music better, and what to avoid. I had already been arranging for the two groups for over a year at this point (something that I was allowed to just try and found I could do fairly well), so I had some sense of what I was doing. So I took the knowledge I had, added it to the skills I already possessed, and created a new skill set.

Was it perfect right away? Ohhhhhh no. It took me plenty of time to figure it out. But by my Senior year I was comfortable calling myself a Musical Director of both a cappella and musical theare.

As for the vocal coaching, this came from my accompaniment skills as well.

We had a club at Geneseo called MTC (Musical Theatre Club - nailing that name, right?) for which everyone would always stress about auditions each semester. So, being one of the 3-4 pianists in the club, I was often asked by people to help them prepare for their auditions by choosing songs and creating cuts. I found that I was naturally inclined toward this work - something I’d probably not have known if I hadn’t just tried it.

Then, in my later college years, I started gaining the confidence to give some vocal notes to people. I had zero reason to think I had any authority in this matter, but from what I was seeing and hearing I thought I might be able to help.

As it turns out, I was right.

With not an ounce of training (not something I’d really recommend) other than my own vocal training, I found that I had a natural ability to help people adjust their voices. And then of course I wanted to know more, so I began doing my own research and self-education. By the time I left college, I was well on my way to being able to do this sort of work professionally. And now, since it’s how I make the majority of my living and because it’s also an ever-changing field of study, I continue to educate myself on new techniques and styles.

But I’d never have known I could even do this if it hadn’t fallen into my lap and, more importantly, if I hadn’t decided to take the risk and try.

We Pull Our Bootstraps Up

And then we come to the remainder of the list: Composer-Lyricist, Librettist, Orchestrator.

It has been said that “failure is the best teacher,” and in my personal case of these above skills, I must agree.

If I had no business being a Musical Director or Vocal Coach, I had even less business writing music or words for the theatre. I mean, what experience did I have?

None. Not a bit.

Sooooo…?

I love creating. I’ve always loved creating. I had dabbled in some music writing when I was in grade school and did some light composition as part of my Music Theory class in high school - absolutely loving it - but that was the extent of my composition experience. And never had I written a play! I wrote a 5-minute piece once at the NYSSSA Theater Program, but it was terrible and I never tried again.

Until Geneseo, that is.

Playwriting was being offered as a class in my Junior year, so I decided to take it. I had loved my Creative Writing classes in the English Department, but I really longed to write for the stage. So I took it. And I was terrible.

Oh boy, I couldn’t write a play to save my life. And I certainly did try.

I understood the mechanics and the theory and the basics of what to do, but the best thing I could come up with was a murder-thriller spoof called Clue-less, which was actually an out-of-class pet project. It was fairly funny and had some nice dramatic moments, but it still wasn’t good. After getting a solid B- on my final assignment for the class I said that was it for me and playwriting. No more. But then I thought…

What about Musical Theatre? I’m certainly more inclined to writing music than a script…

So, to try out this idea, I decided to take Oscar Hammerstein II’s advice to Stephen Sondheim and attempt the exercise of adapting a play that I admire into a musical. Not for the world to see, necessarily, but for myself and to learn.

The play I chose? A Streetcar Named Desire. I love me some Tennessee Williams, and the high theatricality of the style seemed ripe for some music additions. And best of all, I didn’t have to write the book, just adapt.

I spent 4 weeks over the summer trying my hand at finding song moments, writing in character voices, adapting dialogue into lyrics (though without much structure), and composing a world that sounded like these characters. I tried to tell their stories, moved the action forward, and give a hint of New Orleans. And you know what? It was pretty damn good for a first attempt.

I was encouraged. I decided to be bolder for the second go-round and write an original musical as my Honors Project at Geneseo. Due to some college politics, the project could only be approved if I wrote the book, music, and lyrics, as well as stage the entire thing in my second semester acting as musical director, director, and producer. Certainly a tremendous undertaking - and the point of this was to scare me off - but again I said yes. Bring it on.

Thus a musical - and mediocre one at best - called PICk Love was born. I did all that was asked of me, and an audience of ~300 people ended up seeing it over two performances at the end of my Senior year. I had even gone through the process of learning how to orchestrate in a direct study (since I wasn’t wearing enough hats already) and continued to work on the show after graduation.

Loooooong story short, I was hooked. I wanted to learn more, and correctly now. So I auditioned for the BMI Lehman Engel Musical Theater Writing Workshop. Didn’t get in fully, but only as an auditor. Said yes. Met some amazing people and some of my best friends. Re-auditioned the next year. Got in. Said yes again. Met more amazing people, including one of my current collaborators and best friends. Learned so much. Got a ton better. Wrote and re-wrote The King’s Legacy. Met more incredible people. Kept saying yes.

We Live And We Learn

Most of the things on my list are skills I received no formal education for. In fact, there aren’t a lot of ways to receive a formal education in some of them. And this thing I had no idea how to do, let alone whether or not I could actually do it, is now one of the main parts of my career. But how did I get here?

Everyone has skills, whether from natural ability or because they’ve been honed. Everyone has interests and passions, even if they’re mostly unexplored. And, if you want, these things can come come together to create new skills and pathways that you previously may not have known existed. All you need to do is try.

Try and fail. Try again. Dislike you work. Research. Watch and listen and learn. Try and fail again. Like a little of what you’ve created. Reignite your passion when necessary. Continuously hone your skills. Try again. Fail. Succeed. And most of all, just say yes.

[la-plus-heureuse]

so i think i’m kinda fucked

so the guy i mentioned in my last Theatre Rant, Jeremy, aka the lead of the show, aka Mr. Charming and Unbelievably Cute, actually talked to me at rehearsal last night.

i know, it sounds so juvenile. it’s like i’m in fucking high school all over again. “oh my god, he talked to me! he said ‘hey’ and i said ‘hey’ back! he’s SO in love with me!!!” i know i’m a nutcase, and i try to always take that into account with all my actions and just general every day life, but my stupid monkey brain can’t seem to ignore this shit. this is a textbook schoolgirl crush.

so as i mentioned before, i am pure shit at making friends with people, and usually end up just being all to myself and never saying a damn word to anyone. i’ve been in a community choir for 8 years and have 0 friends in that group. i get along with most people, but i haven’t said a word to at least 80% of them. that’s the level of anti-social/shy that we’re dealing with here. and the only reason i talk to the other 20% is because they talked to me first and i was being a decent human and responding to them. that’s it. so you can imagine the plight i struggle with on the daily, even in groups of amazing people, in fields of interest that are the bread and butter of my very existence (music and theatre if you couldn’t tell).

now that i’ve established just how much of an awkward swamp monster i am, let me set the stage (he he, pun). when we first started rehearsals for the show, we of course started with learning the music. we sat in the rehearsal studio in a choral style - half circle, with women on one side and men on the other by voice part. there were SEVERAL times during those rehearsals when i just absentmindedly looked around the room, at the rest of the group, usually during a funny moment or something, and i would catch Jeremy looking at me, and only at me, smiling his big, handsome, goofy grin. now, Jeremy comes across as a naturally friendly and outgoing guy, who goes out of his way to make connections with everyone. he just has that natural aura. so i didn’t think much of it, since i just chalked it up to him just being friendly and being his natural charismatic self. in fact, all the instances i’ll mention here could all be chalked up to me just overthinking shit and him just being a friendly guy. but see, i am not used to anyone paying the slightest ounce of attention to me, especially someone i’m attracted to. most people i’m attracted to never give me the time of day, and i end up just staring and pining from afar. so this is foreign and just weird to me.

i should go back a bit further, to when i first met Jeremy, which was at the callbacks. we were all just waiting out in the hall, and he just....walked up to me. unprompted. he introduced himself, and we talked for a few minutes about this theatre group, the fact that he’s been in several of their shows and that the group is like a big family. i told him about my past shows, and we just kind of had a general conversation. it was cut short, however, because we were called into the auditorium for the callback process. i didn’t see him any more that night, because i was dismissed soon after and he stayed after for more sides being read from the show.

after that, we never really talked to each other anymore. there were a few times when leaving the music rehearsals that, when putting away our chairs, he grabbed mine from me, made significant eye contact with me, and i thanked him after recovering from the shock of him just fucking grabbing my chair, and that was it. but it was that eye contact and the fact that he insisted to put away my chair for me that really threw me. granted, he did the same thing for other people, primarily women (chivalry is not dead after all!), so, again - probably me overthinking shit.

and then, it happened. last night, during the first run through of the entire show, at one point while standing on the sides and watching the scenes take place, he came and stood next to me. he talked to the guy on the other side of him for a few minutes, all the while my heart was beating like a goddamn jackrabbit at the fact that he was standing so close to me.

the scene we were watching is near the end of the show, when the “villain,” Charlie, the anvil salesman, is trying to out Harold (Jeremy’s character) as a con man, but is prevented from boarding the train on time by Marian. There’s a moment where he’s supposed to comically drop his briefcase, which is super heavy because it’s holding a fucking anvil (not for real though). very near to where Charlie is standing on the stage, however, is a big hole for the conductor to stand in the pit, and we call it the Hole of Death because we could potentially fall in and die (or, more realistically, hurt and embarrass the everloving shit out of ourselves), or kill the conductor by falling on him. when Charlie dropped his anvil briefcase last night, it dangerously teetered for a few seconds, VERY close to the Hole of Death.

and then, out of nowhere, Jeremy leans over to me, and whispers, “can you imagine if that thing fell in during the show, killing Daniel (the conductor)?” i snickered, and tried to fight both my continuous rapidly beating heart, and the goosebumps that had now formed from him whispering VERY closely into my ear. but here’s the thing. i actually didn’t fuck up. i didn’t stumble on my words or say or do anything awkwardly. i snickered at his comment, and replied, “yeah, i can just imagine Daniel just slowly picking up the briefcase and pushing it slowly back up onto the stage.” he snickered at that, and i decided now was the time for me to turn to him and say, “you’re doing a really great job, by the way.” i had been wanting to say that for a while, you see. he thanked me, and a second later, whispered again to me, “you mean i’m actually doing a very sweaty job.” i turned to him and he had this dumb smirk on his face. i shrugged. “well, we can’t tell.” he thanked me again, humbly i might add, and we were silent for another minute. then, the four men in the barbershop quartet came over, and asked Jeremy to play their starting pitch on his pitch pipe before their next entrance, since Jeremy’s the only one with a pitch pipe, and so he then turns to me and whispers, “duty calls,” FUCKING WINKS AT ME, and goes off with the quartet.

and that was it. that was the entire interaction. again, i know very well how ridiculous i’m being about this. but i will tell you that the second i was in my car as i was leaving, i kept saying to myself, “he talked to me, oh my god he talked to me.” i want to seriously punch myself in the face at how unbelievably stupid i’m being. i feel like i’m fucking 15 again. i can’t take this shit. it wasn’t like he asked me out or obviously flirted with me. can you even classify that as flirting? i can’t tell if  it was anything other than just casual conversation. trust me, i’ve thought about this for HOURS. i guess it also depends on HOW he said these things. all i can say is that the bastard is just charming. all the time. to everyone. and when he whispered to me, i cannot stress enough how fucking close he got to my ear when he did so. most people just whisper to each other from a reasonable distance without any issues, but this fucker had to almost give me a coronary by getting all up in my space and causing all 5 of my senses to go into overload in a very good way. i just....don’t know what to think of this. was he flirting with me? or am i just being a delusional idiot? if someone is actually reading this, can you please enlighten me and probably give me some goddamn peace of mind, or reasonable sense? because i am legitimately going crazy here. i keep thinking about him and my heart just starts going BERSERK, my dudes. i’m really, really fucked here.

[fanfaremusicuk-blog]

Faking it?

For the past five weeks I’ve been covering singing lessons. When asked, my initial reaction was, ‘What, me? A singing teacher! Don’t be silly!’. But since it was such short notice the school had a choice of either asking me or cancelling the lessons. And I had a choice of either letting my friend down or taking a risk.

My singing background is not a musical theatre one having only ever sung in a church choir and a choral society and a bit of skim reading on the internet suggested that I could only begin to imagine the vast chasm separating the two singing styles. However, never one to be easily intimidated, I decided that the challenge would be great experience for me and also that as a piano teacher, and now choir director, I should be able to teach someone a song if nothing else, right? How hard could it be?!

So here’s how it went...

Week One: I was surprised to see the variety in singing ability demonstrated by the students. I began to wonder what some parents’ motivations for sending their children for singing lessons were. Was it to teach them to sing from scratch? Or was it to nurture and develop a talent which they had detected in their children?

Week Two: As ‘teacher’ I exerted my authority, and seemed to turn a corner, with the ‘cheeky’ one. I sensed that the problem was something to do with the student’s own insecurities and a bit of encouragement and reassurance seemed to work wonders!

Week Three: To me a group lesson means singing as an ensemble, i.e. in parts, in rounds, in harmony - and this is my thing! So I selected a couple of songs which would get them doing just this. Tricky at first. Comfort zone...awkward...

Week Four: I eventually plucked up the courage to change the songs some of them were learning to something which I believed better suited their voices. For example, we replaced We Will Rock You with Phantom of the Opera. 

Week Five: I finally started to crack the icy exterior of one of the older boys. I know it’s hard to get used to a new teacher, especially when they are used to a chap, but after five lessons of perseverance on my part he seemed to relax a little in my company!

So it turns out I can teach singing, enough to cover - I wouldn’t be able to put students through exams - but I’m pretty chuffed. I was able to draw on my experiences in other areas and apply them liberally to this situation. All those hours I’ve spent watching musicals in the theatre and glee on the telly has paid off!

Some surprising things I learnt:

Just because you have singing lessons doesn’t mean you can sing like Alfie Boe or Mariah Carey. The voice is an instrument and it must be trained!

Learning by ear is challenging. Students would definitely benefit if they could read music - some didn’t even know how to follow the shape of the music - i.e. are the notes going up or down?

Singing in harmony is difficult if you aren’t used to listening to others doing something while you do something different! Multitasking at it’s best.

Finding the starting note is tricky - I was reminded of my husband struggling to find a starting note at times! Using your ‘inner ear’ is something which must be practised and perfected - ‘humming’ the note inside your head before making an actual sound.

Children’s voices can have a lovely innocence and naivety and they are so malleable at this stage. It was interesting to hear the different tones and timbre produced and to see the great potential for the future. Persevere and follow your dreams kids. Don’t stop believing.

How hard can it be to teach singing?! Actually quite hard. And should I feel like a fake? Maybe, maybe not. You decide.

www.fanfaremusic.com

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