#i’m trying to be excited about tomorrow
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my lady, my love
aaron pierre x black, fem! reader {actress}
summary: On your press tour in New York, you eagerly anticipate reuniting with Aaron in London. Despite your friendly connection with your co-star during interviews, your playful banter raises Aaron's jealousy when he sees a recent interview.
warnings: explicit smut 18+, jealousy, makeup sex, unprotected, light daddy kink, breeding kink, long-distance, dirty talking, boyfriend/girlfriend, actor/actress, not real life, original characters, use of Y/N, words: 6k
Note: hiii, back to writing. Part 4 is here, I hope you enjoy it.
chapter one - chapter two - chapter three
As you reached the halfway point of the press tour, you began counting down the days. You and Aaron have kept in touch, texting and FaceTiming whenever possible.
You miss him so much, and this is your first experience with a long-distance relationship. Aaron is still in London while you finish your last few interviews and photo shoots in New York.
However, once you're done in NYC, you're going to London, and you'll finally get to see him. The thought fills you with excitement. You could hear your co-star Noah across the hall as you sat in the little dressing room.
The next few interviews started out chill, with you and Noah sitting side by side, with smiles on your faces. The next interviewer leaned in, clearly trying to stir the pot.
“So, tell me about the chemistry between you two! It’s palpable on screen,” she said, eyes gleaming excitedly. Noah looked at you with that playful grin.
“Oh, it’s undeniable. I mean, we vibe, you know? Just look at her!” Noah gestured to you dramatically, making you giggle.
“She’s like the perfect co-star, and I might even say… the perfect girl,” he added
You shot him a teasing smirk, leaning back in your chair. “Aw, thanks, Noah. But don’t get it twisted now! I’m taken, you know?” You winked.
“What? No way, who’s the lucky guy?” The interviewer replied, feigning shock. You leaned closer, lowering your voice as if it were a deep secret.
“Good girl never tells,” you giggled, delivering the line with sass. The interviewer laughed.
The rest of the interview flew by in a blur of laughter and lighthearted banter. By the time it wrapped, you felt more at ease, the earlier anxiety melting.
You and Noah exchanged a quick hug before parting ways, and you couldn’t help but feel grateful for his friendship. He always knew how to make things feel lighter.
After a few solo interviews, back in your hotel room later that evening, you took a deep breath and took a shower. Afterward, you changed into some comfortable clothes and ordered room service.
Once settled down on the bed with your phone, you dialed Aaron's number, a smile spreading. However, it went to voicemail. You knew it must be around 10 PM in London, so he should still be awake.
So you tried again, but unfortunately, it didn't work. You then texted him. "Hey baby, just finished my interviews for the day. I miss you. Call me back when you can. I love you!"
As you waited for a response, you felt a pang of loneliness and began to wonder if Aaron was just too busy. You decided to go to bed and catch a quick flight to London tomorrow morning to surprise him.
-
Seven hours later and ten minutes later, you made it to his apartment around 2:00 PM; you texted him to see if he was home before knocking on the door.
Aaron opened the door wearing sweats and a hoodie. He was slightly happy and surprised to see you, but he looked like he had a little attitude.
“Hey,” Aaron said, his voice flat, as he stepped aside to let you in. You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to read his expression.
“Hi, baby,” you replied softly, stepping inside. The apartment smelled faintly of tea and old books, just like you remembered. You set your suitcases down by the door and turned to face him.
“I missed you,” you added, your voice trembling slightly.
Aaron sighed, running a hand through his face. “Yeah, I missed you too,” he said, but there was a hint of something else in his tone—something that made your stomach twist.
You took a deep breath, trying to keep the mood light. “Are you okay, baby?” you started, hoping to ease into whatever bothered him.
“So, I saw the interview posted today.” Aaron’s eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Oh, you did! That’s great. Really great, right? um, which one?” You blinked, taken aback by his tone.
“Don't act like you don't know! All that flirting with Noah? Really?” Aaron said with a frown.
Your jaw dropped.
“Wait, hold up. You’re upset about that? Aaron, it was just playful banter! You know how interviews are—it’s all for the cameras. Noah was just playing around, and I clarified that I was taken!” you said, raising your eyebrow.
Aaron raised an eyebrow, his expression unmoved. “Playful banter? No, love, that was more than that. You were giggling, smiling all over his face like you had a whole thing going on. And don’t even get me started on how he looked at you.”
You stepped closer, your hands reaching out to touch his arm, but he didn’t budge.
“Aaron, come on. You know me better than that. Noah’s just a friend; that’s it, nothing more. I love you, and I want you only. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.”
Aaron took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly as he looked down at you. His eyes softened just a fraction, but the tension still hung heavy.
You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing your body against him. “Let me make up to you; let me remind you exactly what you are to me," You said softly.
In a searing kiss, you crashed your lips against his, pouring all your frustration and desire into it. Aaron gasped, allowing his tongue to sweep into your mouth.
You felt his anger melted away as heat flooded his body. "I miss you so damn much, you know that," You murmured against his lips as his hands roamed your body hungrily.
A low moan escaped Aaron's lips as you deepened the kiss, caressing the back of his neck.
"I missed you too," Aaron breathed, his voice rough with emotion.
"But please don’t do that, baby. I can't stand seeing you like that with someone else."
"I know," you whispered, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes. "You're the only one I want, Aaron. The only one I need."
Aaron nodded, his expression softening even more, and you pushed him towards the couch, your hands firm but gentle. He stumbled back, his eyes widening in surprise, but he didn't resist.
You got on your knees in front of him, your hands sliding up his thighs, massaging the tense muscles there. "Relax, baby," you murmured, your voice low and soothing.
"Let me take care of you."
Aaron leaned back against the couch, his breath hitching as your hands worked their magic. "Love!" he groaned, his voice thick and low with desire.
"You always know how to make me feel better."
You smirked up at him, your fingers teasing the waistband of his sweatpants.
"That's 'cause I know what you love," you purred, sliding your hands under the fabric and taking hold of him. He hissed sharply, his hips jerking involuntarily as you began to stroke him slowly, firmly.
"Aaron," you whispered, your breath hot against his skin as you leaned closer. "I love you so much, baby. You know that, right? You’re my everything."
Aaron moaned softly, his hands gripping the edge of the couch tightly. "I know," he managed to say, his voice trembling.
"I just… I can’t help it sometimes. I see you out there, shining like a damn star, and I get scared. Scared someone’s gonna take you away from me."
You paused momentarily, looking up at him with pure adoration. "Nobody is taking me away from you," you said firmly, your voice steady and full of conviction.
"You got me, Aaron. Always and Forever."
Aaron let out a shaky breath, nodding as he gently cups your face with his massive hands. "You promise?" he whispered, his voice raw with vulnerability.
"I promise," you said, your eyes locked onto his. Then, with a sly smile, you leaned in closer, your lips brushing against the tip of his dick as you spoke.
"But right now, I wanna make it all melt away, baby. Just focus on me and how good I will make you feel," you added.
Aaron groaned, his head falling back against the couch as you pressed a soft kiss to the sensitive head of his dick.
"Shit," he muttered, his fingers tightening in your hair. "You always know how to drive me crazy."
You chuckled lowly, your breath hot against his skin. "That’s the plan," you purred before taking him into your mouth slowly, savoring the way he twitched and throbbed against your tongue.
You swirled your tongue around the tip, teasing him relentlessly, making him squirm beneath you.
"Fuck," Aaron hissed, his hips bucking slightly as you sucked him deeper. "You’re so damn good at this."
You pulled back slightly, letting him slip out of your mouth with a wet pop. "You like that?" you asked, looking up at him with a mischievous glint.
"Like it?" Aaron groaned, his voice rough and desperate. "Baby, I love it. You got me out here losing my mind, and you're not even done yet."
You smirked, fingers tracing the vein along his length, making him shiver. "Oh, I’m far from done," you whispered, your voice dripping with promise.
"You think I’m just gonna stop when I got you lookin’ like this? All hot and bothered, tryin’ to hold it together? Nah, big daddy. I’m about to take you to a whole ‘nother level."
Aaron’s breath hitched as you leaned back in, your tongue flat against his shaft as you licked him from base to tip. He cursed under his breath, his hands gripping the couch so tight his knuckles turned white.
"You play too much," he muttered, but there was no real complaint in his tone—just pure, unadulterated need.
"Oh, I’m dead serious," you shot back, your lips wrapping around him again as you took him deep into your throat. This time, you didn’t hold back, bobbing your head rhythmically, your hand working in tandem with your mouth to drive him wild.
The wet sounds filled the room, mingling with Aaron’s heavy breaths and the occasional curse that slipped past his lips.
You could feel him trembling beneath you, his thighs tensing as he fought to keep himself from losing control too soon. But you weren’t about to let him hold back—not afternoon.
"Tell me how it feels, big daddy," you murmured, pulling back just enough to let him feel the cool air against his slick skin. Your eyes locked onto his, dark and hungry, as you waited for his response.
Aaron’s chest heaved as he struggled to find the words. "Feels… feels like heaven," he finally managed, his voice strained and thick with desire. "Like you’re tryna suck my soul out through my dick, love."
You grinned, your tongue darting out to lick a slow, deliberate stripe along the underside of his shaft.
"Good," you purred. "That’s exactly what I’m aiming for. I want you to forget everything but me and this moment. Just focus on how good I’m making you feel."
He groaned, his head falling back again as you took him back into your mouth, this time deeper than before. Your throat relaxed around him, and you could feel the way his body jerked in response, his hips instinctively thrusting up into the warmth of your mouth.
Your hands moved to grip his thighs, holding him steady as you worked him over with a rhythm that was both relentless and intoxicating.
The sounds he made—those low, guttural moans and breathless curses—were music to your ears, driving you to push him even further.
"You always taste so amazing, Terry," you murmured, your voice muffled but still dripping with that same sultry tone. "Like you were made just for me. You feel it too, don’t you? How we fit together like this like it’s some kinda cosmic shit."
Aaron’s hands were in your hair now, tangling in the curls as he tried to keep himself grounded.
"Damn, yes, I feel it," he growled, his voice low and raw. "You got me out here feelin’ like I’m floatin’; keep goin’, baby. Don’t stop."
You didn’t need to be told twice.
Your mouth worked him over with a fervor that left him gasping, your tongue swirling around the head of his dick before plunging him back into the heat of your throat.
His grip on your hair tightened, sending a shiver down your spine as you felt the tension building in him, his body coiled like a spring ready to snap.
You pulled back again, letting him slide out of your mouth with a wet pop, and then you stood up, your eyes never leaving his. "You want this pussy? because I want your dick," you asked, your voice low and teasing as you slowly began to peel off your clothes.
Aaron’s eyes widened as he watched you, his breath hitching in his throat. "Yes, love," he muttered, his voice hoarse. "You don't gotta tell me twice."
You smirked, taking your time as you took your shirt, letting it fall to the floor in a heap. Your hands moved to the waistband of your pants, and you slid them down your legs with deliberate slowness, stepping out of them one foot at a time.
Aaron’s eyes were glued to your body, his gaze hot and heavy as he took in every inch of you. "Fuck," he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper. "You’re fuckin’ perfect. How did I get so lucky?"
You grinned, feeling satisfied at how he looked at you. "Maybe by fate," you purred, climbing onto the couch and straddling him.
His hands immediately went to your hips, gripping you tightly as you shifted forward, your pussy hovering just above his throbbing dick.
You could feel the heat radiating from him, the way his breath hitched as you teased him, letting your folds brush against the tip of his length.
"You feel that?" you whispered, your voice dripping with seduction as you ground down just enough to make him groan. "That’s all for you, baby. This pussy’s been waitin’ to feel you inside me for weeks."
Aaron’s hands tightened on your hips, his fingers digging into your skin like he was trying to keep himself from losing control.
"Quit playing, love," he growled, his voice rough and desperate. "You are gonna drive me crazy sittin’ up there like that. Put that pussy on me already."
You smirked, leaning down so your lips were just inches from his ear.
"What’s the matter? You can’t handle a little tease?" you purred, your breath hot against his skin as you rolled your hips again, letting him feel just how wet you were for him.
"You want this pussy so bad, huh? Tell me how bad you want it."
"Shit," he hissed, his hips bucking up instinctively as he tried to get closer to you.
"You wanna know how bad?" Aaron growled, his voice thick with need.
"I want it so bad I can’t think straight. I want it so bad it’s all I see when I close my eyes—this pussy, this body, riding me like you own me. I want it so bad I’d beg if you don’t give it to me right now. So quit playing and let me feel you, girl. Let me feel that heat, that group wrapped around me. ‘Cause I’m about to lose my damn mind up in here." Aaron moaned.
You bit your lip, holding back a moan as his words sent a rush of heat straight to your pussy.
"That’s what I love to hear," you whispered, finally lowering yourself onto him, inch by torturous inch. You gasped as he filled you completely, the stretch and burn to ignite every nerve in your body.
"Oh goodness," you breathed, your head falling back as you adjusted to him. "So big...you feel so good inside me."
Aaron groaned, his hands gripping your hips even tighter as he guided your movements. "Fuck, baby," he rasped, his voice strained. "I miss this pussy. Always so wet, so tight for me."
You moaned softly, your nails digging into his shoulders as you started to move, riding him with slow, deliberate rolls of your hips.
"You like that, Aaron?" you purred, your voice dripping with sweetness and sin. "You like how this pussy grips you? How it’s all yours, just for you?"
Aaron’s eyes fluttered shut briefly before he locked his gaze back on yours, dark and hungry.
"I love it, baby fuck, I love it," he growled, his voice rough and low. "This pussy is all mine, it's mine, nobody else can handle it like I do. Nobody else gonna make you feel like this."
His hands slid up your sides, thumbs brushing over your nipples, sending a shiver through your body. "You know that, right? This pussy belongs to me. Tell me it's mine."
You arched into his touch, your breath hitching as he teased your sensitive peaks. "Mmm, yes, it is," you whispered, grinding down harder on him, making him groan deep in his chest.
"All yours, baby. Only you can make me feel this good." You leaned in closer, your lips brushing against his ear as you whispered, "Only you can make me come so hard I forget my own name."
Aaron’s grip tightened around your waist, his fingers digging into your dark-brown skin as he pulled you closer, his breath hot and ragged against your neck.
“That’s right, baby,” he growled, his voice thick with desire. “You gonna scream my name louder than ever before. Ain’t no shame in it, either. Let the whole damn world know who you belong to.”
His other hand tangled in your hair, tugging just enough to make you gasp, your body trembling with anticipation.
“Shit, Aaron,” you whimpered, your voice breaking as his teeth grazed your collarbone.
“You're gonna wreck me, huh? Gonna make me forget everything but you?” Your hips moved faster now, riding him with a desperate rhythm, each thrust sending waves of pleasure coursing through you.
You could feel him throbbing inside you, his length hitting all the right spots, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
Aaron’s lips crashed against yours in a fierce kiss, swallowing your moans as his tongue explored your mouth. When he finally pulled back, his eyes were blazing with intensity.
“Damn right, I am,” he muttered, his voice rough and commanding.
“I’m gonna ruin this pussy for anybody else. You ain’t never gonna want nobody but me forever. You hear me?”
His hands moved to your ass, gripping you tightly as he thrust up into you, his movements hard and relentless.
“Yes, Aaron, yes!” you cried, your voice rising with each powerful stroke.
“Only you, baby, it’s only ever been you!” Your nails raked down his shoulders as you clung to him, your body trembling with the force of your desire.
“Fuck, I’m so close, Aaron. I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna fucking cum!”
“That’s it, love,” he urged, his voice a low, guttural growl. “Cum for me. Let me feel that tight little pussy squeeze the soul outta me.” His thrusts became even more intense, each one driving you closer to the brink.
“No holding back. You give me everything you got, you hear me?” Aaron added.
“I can’t—I can’t hold it,” you sobbed, your body arching as the first wave of your climax crashed over you. “Oh fuck, Aaron, I’m cumming, I’m cumming!”
Your cries echoed through the room, your body convulsing as you shattered around him, your pussy clamping down on his big dick with a vice-like grip.
Aaron’s breath hitched, his own control slipping as he felt you come undone beneath him. “Fuck, baby, that’s it,” he groaned, his voice strained with the effort to hold back.
“You feel so good, so fucking good. You take all of me, huh? You take this dick like you were made for it.”
You could barely form words, your mind a haze of pleasure as you rode out the waves of your orgasm. But Aaron wasn’t done with you yet.
He lifts you and lays you at the corner of the couch, pinning your wrists above your head as he hovers over you and slams back into you; his pace is brutal and unrelenting.
Your back arched off the bed as he pounded into you, each thrust hitting that sweet spot deep inside you that had you seeing stars.
“Aaron!” you screamed, your voice raw and desperate. “Please, don’t stop! Don’t ever stop!”
“I'm stopping ‘til I fill this pussy up, baby,” Aaron growled, his voice thick with desire.
“You want that? Do you want me to nut deep inside you? Make you feel every drop?” His hips snapped forward with a force that had you gasping, your body trembling beneath him as he drove into you with a rhythm that was both punishing and intoxicating.
“Tell me how bad you want it.”
“So bad,” you moaned, your voice a desperate plea. “I need it, Aaron. I need you to fill me up and remember who I belong to. Please, baby, I can’t take it anymore—I need you to cum in me!”
Your legs wrapped tightly around his waist, pulling him deeper as your nails dug into his back, leaving marks that only fueled his intensity.
“That’s my girl,” Aaron muttered, his breath hot against your ear as he leaned down, his lips brushing against your dark-brown skin with softness and admiration.
“Taking this dick like a fucking queen. You love this shit, don’t you? Love feeling me stretch that pussy out; make it mine.” His thrusts became erratic, his control slipping as he felt his own climax building.
“You gonna take every last drop of this nut, huh? Gonna let me breed that tight pussy?”
“Yes!” you cried, your body arching against his as the heat between you both reached its peak.
"Breed me, Aaron. Make it so I can’t forget what you did to me." Your voice was a ragged whisper, trembling with need as you felt him swell inside you, his dick throbbing with the promise of release.
"That’s it," he snarled, his hands gripping your hips hard as he pounded into you, each thrust hitting deeper, harder.
"You’re gonna feel me for days, baby. Every time you move, every time you sit down, you’re gonna remember this dick splitting you open."
His voice was a low growl, possessive and raw, sending shivers down your spine.
Your head fell back, a keening moan escaping your lips as he hit that perfect spot inside you again and again. The pressure was building, your body coiling tight like a spring ready to snap.
"Aaron, I’m so close," you gasped, your fingers clawing at his shoulders as the pleasure threatened to overwhelm you. "Then cum for me," he demanded, his voice rough and commanding.
"Cum with me as I fill you up. Let me feel that pussy milk every drop out of me." His pace quickened, his hips slamming into yours with a force that had you crying out, your body trembling on the edge.
And then it hit you—a wave of pleasure so intense it felt like you were being torn apart and put back together all at once. Your body convulsed, your walls clenching around him as you came hard, your screams muffled against his shoulder.
Aaron groaned, his hips stuttering as he followed you over the edge, his dick pulsing deep inside you as he emptied himself, his release hot and thick as it filled you to the brim.
“Fuck,” he breathed, his voice hoarse as he collapsed on top of you, his body still shuddering with the aftershocks of his orgasm.
“You feel that, baby?” He asked, pushing his cum in and out as he kissed you then, his lips claiming yours with a hunger that left you breathless, his tongue sliding against yours as he poured every ounce of his desire into that kiss.
You moaned into his mouth, your hand on the back of his neck as you kissed him back with equal fervor, your bodies still connected as you both rode out the last waves of pleasure together.
When he finally pulled back, his eyes were dark with satisfaction, a smug grin tugging at his lips as he looked down at you.
“You’re mine,” he whispered, his voice low and possessive. “All mine.”
You lay there, spent and trembling, your body still humming with the intensity of what had just happened between you. The air was thick with the scent of sex, the room silent except for the sound of your heavy breathing.
Aaron shifted slightly, pulling you closer so that you were lying on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around you as he held you close.
“That was…” you started, your voice trailing off as you struggled to find the words to describe your feelings.
“Perfect,” Aaron finished for you, his voice filled with a quiet satisfaction. He kissed the top of your head, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on your back as you lay there, basking in the afterglow.
“You’re so perfect.”
You smiled, your eyes closing as you let yourself relax in his arms, the warmth of his body enveloping you. After a few minutes of lying there, tangled in each other and breathing.
Aaron finally shifted, his hands sliding down your back. “C’mon,” he murmured, his voice still rough but softer now, laced with affection.
“Let’s get cleaned up.”
-
You and Aaron got dressed in some casual clothes, and Aaron got some food delivered. You two were eating and chatted about what’s been going on despite your little argument earlier.
“So,” you said, leaning. “You know that movie premiere tomorrow night?” You paused, biting your lip to hide the sly smile creeping onto your face.
“I was thinkin’… maybe you could come with me. As my date.”
Aaron’s fork froze mid-air, a piece of food dangling precariously as he turned to look at you, his eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Really?” he asked, his voice low and smooth, but there was a hint of playfulness there too. “Are you sure you want that? I mean, I’m all for it.”
You smirked, leaning closer to him, your voice dripping with confidence.
“Oh, I’m more than sure. Let ‘em talk. Let ‘em get jealous. Let ‘em know I’m yours, and you’re mine. But…” You paused for effect, your eyes locking with his.
“We’ll still keep it private between us. No need to give ‘em all the details.”
-
You and Aaron got dressed in some casual clothes, and Aaron got some food delivered. You two were eating and chatted about what’s been going on despite your little argument earlier.
“So,” you said, leaning. “You know that movie premiere tomorrow night?” You paused, biting your lip to hide the sly smile creeping onto your face.
“I was thinkin’… maybe you could come with me. As my date.”
Aaron’s fork froze mid-air, a piece of food dangling precariously as he turned to look at you, his eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Really?” he asked, his voice low and smooth, but there was a hint of playfulness there too. “Are you sure you want that? I mean, I’m all for it.”
You smirked, leaning closer to him, your voice dripping with confidence.
“Oh, I’m more than sure. Let ‘em talk. Let ‘em get jealous. Let ‘em know I’m yours, and you’re mine. But…” You paused for effect, your eyes locking with his.
“We’ll still keep it private between us. No need to give ‘em all the details.”
Aaron’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smirked, setting his fork down on the edge of his plate. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, his expression thoughtful.
“Alright, so you’re saying… you want to take me to the premiere. As your date. And we’re keeping it private but still making it clear to everyone else that we’re… together.”
He paused, his gaze never leaving yours. “And you’re okay with that? With everyone knowing, even if we’re not broadcasting the details?”
You nodded, your confidence unwavering. “Why wouldn’t I be? We’re adults, Aaron. And what we have… it’s worth it. Besides, I think it’s time people know that you’re off the market.”
Aaron chuckled, a deep, rich sound that sent a shiver down your spine. He pushed his chair back and stood, walking over to you with a slow, predatory grace.
“And who’s going to make sure I stay off the market?” asked, his voice low and teasing as he leaned down, his face inches from yours.
You grinned, your heart pounding in your chest. “Oh, I think I can handle that.” Before you could say another word, Aaron’s lips were on yours, warm and firm, sending a wave of heat through your body.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as the room around you faded. All that mattered was the two of you, lost in the moment, the world outside melting into nothingness.
-
The following day, Aaron lay sprawled across the bed, his bare chest rising and falling with each slow breath, the sheets tangled around his waist.
You sat on the edge of the bed, watching him sleep, a smile playing on your lips. The memory of the previous conversation hung in the air like a promise, and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement for what the day—and the night—had in store.
“Morning,” Aaron mumbled, his voice husky with sleep as he stirred, stretching his arms above his head.
His eyes fluttered open, locking onto yours with a warm, sleepy grin. “What time is it?”
“Almost Noon,” you replied, caressing his forehead. “But we’ve got a full day ahead of us. Thought we could make the most of it before tonight.”
Aaron sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Sounds like a plan. What did you have in mind?”
You stood, walking over to the wardrobe where you’d laid out clothes the night before.
“I was thinking we could spend the day out. Maybe walk along the South Bank and grab some food at Borough Market. Just enjoy the city together before the chaos of the premiere.”
Aaron’s face lit up with interest as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Sounds good!” He said, getting out of bed butt-naked, and you laughed, smacked his ass.
“Sounds good!” He said, getting out of bed butt-naked and you laughed, smacked his ass.
“Cheeky little-,” Aaron muttered, though the grin on his face said he didn’t mind one bit. He grabbed the towel off the bed and wrapped it around his waist, his confidence as naked as his body.
“You better stop playin’ with fire, yeah? Or I’ll have to take you back to bed.”
You rolled your eyes, trying to play it cool, but the heat in your cheeks and the smile on your face told on you. “Please, you’re the one who’s been sleepin’ in till noon. If we don’t get movin’, we’ll miss the whole day.”
Aaron smirked, sauntering over to the bathroom.
“Blame me, innit? Had a right proper distraction last night.” Steam curling up, he flicked on the shower and stepped inside without closing the door.
“You comin’ in or what?”
You raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorframe. “You think I’m fallin’ for that? We’ve got plans, remember? You’re not gonna derail ‘em with your… distractions.”
“Suit yourself,” Aaron called back, his voice muffled by the water.
“But you’re missin’ out. Could’ve been a right nice way to start the day.”
You shook your head, chuckling as you turned away. “You’re such a liar. You’d have us late and miss the whole market.”
“True, yeah,” Aaron admitted, his voice carrying over the water. “But it’d be worth it, wouldn’t it?”
You didn’t respond, but the thought lingered as you went to get dressed. By the time Aaron came out of the bathroom, his face dripped, and his skin glowing from the shower.
You were already halfway through your coffee, scrolling through your phone for the day’s itinerary. Aaron padded over to you, water droplets clinging to his chest as he leaned in to kiss your head.
“You know I’m just takin’ the piss, right? I wouldn’t actually make us late.” Aaron said, drying himself off.
“Sure you wouldn’t,” you said dryly, not looking up.
Aaron laughed, grabbing the other cup of coffee you’d poured for him. “Fair enough. You know me too well.”
Once he was dressed—looking effortlessly sharp in a simple black tee, jeans, baseball cap, and sunglasses—you both set out into the crisp air.
The South Bank was alive with energy, the Thames glinting in the sunlight as you walked hand in hand. The smell of street food hit you when you turned the corner near Borough Market, and your stomach growled in anticipation.
“Love, I’m proper starvin’,” Aaron said, squeezing your hand. “What’s the plan? You better not be thinkin’ we’re just window shoppin’.”
“Relax,” you said, smirking.
“I’ve got your back. There’s this one stall I saw last time I was here that I’ve been dying to try once I visit here again—it does the best jerk chicken and proper Caribbean vibes. And don’t even get me started on the halloumi fries.”
Aaron’s eyes lit up. “Halloumi fries? Now you’re talkin’. Let’s go find this place before I waste away.”
You led the way through the crowded market, weaving past stalls selling everything from handmade jewelry to fresh flowers. The air was thick with the smells of spices and grilled meats, and the sounds of vendors calling out to passersby mingled.
“Ah, there it is,” you said, tugging gently on Aaron’s hand as you spotted the stall between a vintage clothing stand and a bustling flower shop.
The sign read “Kiya's Caribbean” and the aroma of allspice and thyme wafted through the air, mingling with the hum of reggae music playing softly from a portable speaker.
Aaron’s eyes widened as you approached the stall, and his stomach growled audibly. “I can smell the magic from here. Let’s get in there before they run out.”
The vendor, a cheerful dark brown-skinned woman with a warm smile, a gold hoop in her nose, and long beautiful locs, greeted you both with a hearty.
“Y’ello, darlin’! What can I get for yuh today?”
“Everything, please,” Aaron said, not missing a beat. “But especially that jerk chicken. And don’t be stingy with it, yeah?”
She laughed, her voice rich and melodic. “Oh, you’re a bold one, ain’t ya? Alright, let’s set you up. For good measure, jerk chicken, rice and peas, plantain, and a side of fries.”
“And halloumi fries,” you added, nudging Aaron. “Don’t forget the halloumi fries.”
“Course not, sweetheart,” she said, winking. “I gotchu.”
As she worked her culinary magic, the grill sizzle and the rhythmic chopping of fresh herbs filled the air. Aaron leaned against the stall, his arm brushing against yours, and you couldn’t help but smile at how at ease he was, chatting with the vendor like they were old mates.
The first bite was divine when she handed you both a loaded tray. The jerk chicken was tender, the spices perfectly balanced, and the halloumi fries—crispy and creamy inside—were absolutely perfect.
You closed your eyes, savoring the flavors, and Aaron laughed, nudging you playfully. “Told you it’d be worth it,” he said, his mouth full. “You’re in your element, innit?”
You opened your eyes, catching the glint of mischief in his. “Shut up and eat your food.”
The rest of the afternoon was a blur of laughter, music, and the electric energy of the market. You wandered through the stalls, picking up a few trinkets.
Earrings shaped like tiny palm trees, a bracelet with a small charm of the Jamaican flag—and even stopped to watch a group of dancers performing to a live drum circle.
At one point, Aaron pulled you into the crowd, spinning you around with him until you were both breathless and laughing. The music was infectious, the rhythm pulsating through you like a heartbeat.
For a moment, it felt like the whole world had narrowed to just the two of you, lost in the moment's joy.
As the sun shone, you found yourselves at a small riverside spot, sharing a bottle of fresh water and watching the boats glide.
Aaron leaned back on his elbows, his eyes half-closed as he soaked in the view.
“You know,” he said, his voice low and thoughtful, “days like this… they’re the ones that make life feel proper special.”
You smiled, twirling a strand of your curly hair around your finger. “Yeah,” you agreed quietly. “They’re the ones you remember.”
He turned his head, his gaze meeting yours, and for a moment, there wasn’t a single thing to say. The world just… was.
And in that moment, it was enough.
TAGS @writingsbytee @notapradagurl7 @ellemelaninbeauty @cocooned-butterfly
#aaron pierre#aaron pierre x black reader#aaron pierre x reader#aaron pierre x black!reader#aaron pierre fic#black!fem!reader#aaron pierre x black fem reader#aaron pierre fanfic#x black reader#x black y/n#aaron pierre fluff#terry richmond x black!reader#aaron pierre smut
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real love, baby - chapter three
Billy Hargrove x female! reader
Main Masterlist
Series Masterlist
Billy Hargrove Masterlist
Summary:
You have your appointment to see the baby for the first time
Warnings:
Pregnancy, shitty parents, bullying
Word Count: 3.2k
A/N:
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter! and thank you @punkrockmlchael and @the-witty-pen-name for all your help with this one 😩🙏🏻
8 weeks pregnant
Baby is the size of a raspberry
“Can you see a difference?”
You stood in front of your mirror, shirt held up under your chest to reveal your stomach. Eddie lounged back on your bed, watching you.
“I still don’t see anything,” Eddie said. “You sure there’s something in there?”
“We’ll know for sure tomorrow,” you reminded him. Your heart sped up in your chest at the thought of your first ultrasound, the thought of seeing your baby for the first time. Eddie would be taking you so you didn’t have to go alone.
“Are you excited?”
“Super excited,” you smiled. You rubbed your hand over your stomach, still nothing there. “I’m a little excited to have a bump, but also dreading it.”
“There’s no hiding from it then,” he said, hanging upside down off the side of your bed. His curls brushed against the carpet. “You ready for that?”
“No,” you admitted. “I mean, everyone at school already knows. But I’m not prepared to tell my parents.”
“I don’t blame you. That’s not going to go well.”
“Thanks,” you said sarcastically. You pulled your shirt back down, flopping down on the bed next to Eddie. “But I know. They’re going to kill me.”
“That’s probably putting it lightly,” Eddie said, sitting up to look at you. “They’re going to freak.”
“That’s why I’m waiting as long as possible to tell them.” You leaned against the headboard, feet stuck in Eddie’s lap. “Good plan or bad plan?”
“Totally foolproof, nothing can go wrong,” Eddie said. He gave you a teasing smile- you and he both knew telling your parents at any point would be a disaster, but you also knew Eddie would be there for you no matter what. “Have you talked to Billy anymore?”
“Not since 2 weeks ago when he cornered me about the abortion,” you sighed. It felt like all you did anymore was think about Billy. “He’s back to pretending I don’t exist.
“That’s so fucked,” Eddie said. He rubbed your bare legs that lay splayed across his lap. “I’m sorry. I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised, but still. He’s an ass.”
“No, I know,” you said, sinking down the bed until you were laying on your pillows. You pulled one over and hugged it across your chest. “I walked right into this one.”
“A little bit.”
You kicked Eddie, making him laugh. “You’re always so supportive and helpful and not at all judgmental, Ed.”
“Hey, I try to be,” Eddie said, laughing. At least you could laugh about it.
The next day after school, you rushed out of the building quickly. Your appointment was 30 minutes after school ended and you did not want to be late. You found Eddie waiting by the van already, keys in hand and ready to go.
“You ready, mama?” He asked as you both climbed into the van, and you gave him a look.
“Yes, I’m ready,” you said, taking a deep breath. The truth was, you were horribly nervous. You felt like you could be sick, and it was hard to breathe deeply.
“You’re going to be okay, you know that?” Eddie said, reaching over to grasp your hand with his right one. He drove the van one handed, the short drive to the doctor’s office feeling like a million years.
“I know,” you said, giving Eddie a weak smile although you didn’t quite believe yourself.
He pulled into the parking lot of the office, killing the engine of the van and turning to you. “Do you want me to go back with you?”
“Would you?” You looked at him hopefully, not wanting to go alone. You wouldn’t blame him if he felt weird about it and didn’t want to go, but you hated the idea of doing any of this pregnancy alone.
“Of course I will,” he said, squeezing your hand. “C’mon, let’s go. I got you.”
The waiting room of this doctor’s office was more cheerful than the last one. The walls were painted a bright yellow color, and there were photos of babies decorating the walls. A TV hung on one side of the room, playing a rerun of Three’s Company.
When the nurse called your name, Eddie followed you to the back. She smiled politely at you, holding the clipboard against her blue scrubs and leading you back to the exam room.
“You can change into this gown and take a seat on the exam table,” she said. “Dad, you can take one of the chairs over there.”
“Oh, I’m not-“ Eddie started to correct her, but the nurse wasn’t listening, already moving on to grabbing the blood pressure cuff.
Eddie didn’t entirely mind playing dad for the day. It was no different than the times you’d lied to his extended family that you were dating, right? He knew he wasn’t the father, but it was interesting to see what it would feel like.
The nurse went through the usual things - blood pressure, temperature, weight. She left the room when she was done, leaving you and Eddie alone in the room.
“Eddie, cut that out!” You hissed as Eddie looked through the cabinets and drawers.
“What? They wouldn’t just leave it here if they didn’t want us to take it,” Eddie said, pocketing a handful of band aids.
A few minutes later the tech walked in, greeting you both before sitting in front of the ultrasound machine. Eddie moved his chair closer to you as she put the gel on your stomach and began the examination, the screen turned away from you.
“Is…everything okay?” Eddie asked nervously, speaking the words you were too afraid to say yourself.
“Everything looks good,” she said with a kind smile. She turned the screen, and there was…a little bean shaped thing. “This is your baby. You’re measuring exactly 8 weeks.”
Your eyes went wide, taking in the sight of the little wiggling baby. It didn’t look anything like a baby yet, but you still felt unimaginably connected to it. It was a bizarre feeling. That was your baby.
“At least it’s not twins,” Eddie joked, but you were barely listening.
In that moment you felt an acute awareness of Billy’s absence. Despite the fact that Billy hadn’t had anything to do with this pregnancy and had even insisted on an abortion, you hadn’t thought much about what he was missing out on. But this? You couldn’t help but picture the blonde beside you in Eddie’s place, getting that first glimpse of his child. How he’d place his hand on your belly to feel, or maybe even talk to the baby through your belly, play them his favorite music. Every time this happened, you pictured Billy as a good father.
But he wasn’t here.
The tech clicked something on the machine, and a rhythmic whooshing sound filled the room. “That’s the heartbeat,” she said. “A strong one!”
That filled you with pride- your baby was strong. It felt good to hear. You had been worried that things weren’t going well, one of the reasons you’d been dreading this appointment so badly. You didn’t know what you would do if something happened to the baby at this point.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Eddie asked.
The tech didn’t make him feel stupid for the question. “It’s still too early to tell. What do you think?”
“I think it’s a girl,” Eddie said confidently. “I just have a feeling.”
“I think it could be a boy,” you said, but you really didn’t know or mind either way. You could picture yourself with a son or a daughter. Billy would-
And there you go daydreaming again.
“Would you like some prints?” The tech asked as she wrapped up the exam, wiping the gel off your stomach. You nodded quickly - these were the first ever photos of your baby. You would have to hide them, but you wanted them. She gave you multiple copies, in case you wanted to share.
You walked out of the office feeling better than you had coming in, ultrasound photos gripped in your hand. There was no hiding from it now - there was a baby, alive and growing in your belly. Eddie kept one of the photos, claiming he was entitled to one as the godfather, a title he had awarded himself.
You were grateful for him, he had been an amazing friend to you before and during this. You had worried that he’d want nothing to do with it, that he’d be mad at you for getting yourself into this position to begin with. But he hadn’t given you any kind of judgement, only support.
If only you and Eddie loved each other as more than friends, if the rumors around school about you had been true, things might be simpler.
Theoretically, Eddie was the perfect guy for you. Best friends who never got tired of each other, same interests, attracted to each other. But you couldn’t help who you were and weren’t in love with, and you just didn’t feel that type of way about Eddie.
Yet here he was, willing to be judged alongside you without saying a single word about the truth. He was just willing to let the whole school call him names and think that he is the father of this baby, willing to walk beside you in front of the judgemental people of Hawkins. Ready to face your parents, who already hated him, when the time came just so you didn’t have to tell them the father wouldn’t be in the picture.
You didn’t understand it. But that was just Eddie.
The next day at school, you passed Billy a note in 2nd period.
“Can we talk?”
You watched as he opened the note, eyes darting up to you as he gave you an unreadable expression before folding the note back up. You weren’t sure what kind of answer that was.
After class he nodded at you to follow him into the empty science classroom, and you obeyed. Things always were on Billy’s terms.
“What?” He hissed once safely inside the locked classroom. He leaned against one of the tables. “Did you change your mind?”
“No, Billy, I didn’t change my mind.”
“Then why are you talking to me?” He asked simply.
His words stung deeply, but you didn’t dwell on them for long. “I had my first appointment yesterday. I thought you might want to know.”
You didn’t know how he was going to respond to that. Billy was always so unpredictable. He looked at you, his eyes roaming your figure. “Is it…was…everything okay?”
That was better than him blowing up. “They said everything was looking great. I’m 8 weeks and they have a strong heartbeat.”
Billy huffs something like a small laugh. Like yeah, it’s my baby, of course they’re strong. “Well that’s….good.”
You smiled softly. “Do you…want to see a picture?”
“They gave you pictures?” He asked with his brows raised. “I’ve never even seen a baby that small.”
You laughed - “It looks more like a little bean right now, but-“ you dug through your bag until you pulled out one of the prints, handing it over to Billy.
Billy took the photo from your fingers gingerly, like he was afraid he’d break something. He held it up to his face with a slight tremble in his hands, seeing the digital text on the photo - Hi mom and dad! - with an arrow pointing to the small blob.
“That’s really it?” He asked, his voice almost incredulous. “That’s the baby?”
“Yeah,” you confirmed. “Pretty crazy, right?”
Billy just stared at the photo. Eventually he looked up at you, his expression once again unreadable. “Can I keep this?”
“What?” The question caught you off guard.
“The picture? Can I keep it?” Billy repeated.
You did have multiple copies of the sonogram, but you were surprised he wanted one at all. “Yeah, sure,” you finally answered him, feeling like an ass for looking like you had to think about it for so long.
“How are you feeling with…everything?”
That question surprised you, too. “I’m okay. Still feeling sick and all the other usual symptoms. But nothing too bad.”
Billy nodded. It was quiet again. Then, “What do you think it’s gonna be?”
“I think it’s a boy,” you said, smiling softly. “But Eddie’s convinced it’s a girl.”
“Either way would be- wait, Eddie?”
You looked at him. “Yeah. Eddie thinks it’s a girl.”
“Did he…go to the appointment with you?” There was something swirling behind his blue eyes, something you couldn’t quite decipher.
“Yeah,” you said. “I didn’t want to go alone.”
“Oh.”
There was another minute of silence between you, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think Billy was hurt. “You didn’t seem like you wanted to go,” you said finally.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t,” Billy said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, taking one between his lips. “I’ve got to get back to class.” You watched as he turned in the complete opposite direction and walked out the back door, lighting the cigarette as he left.
Billy’s mind swirled with thoughts as he walked away - that was his baby. His baby. That everyone thought belonged to Eddie. It honestly pissed him off, but it was his own fault and he knew it. He could step out right now and say he was the father, but he wouldn’t do that. He was too much of a coward.
He thought of what his father would say. He couldn’t hide this forever, he knew. It would all come out eventually. Billy dragged on his cigarette as he thought of how Neil would react. And wouldn’t he deserve it? It was his fault you were pregnant and his fault you were doing it alone. Would his dad kick him out? What would happen to you? Would he be able to get a job and help take care of you and the baby?
He was getting ahead of himself again, thinking about the what if’s of letting himself get involved. He couldn’t do that. You and that kid were better off without him. It was bad enough he passed on his genes, but there was no escaping that one now.
But did he really want to be a deadbeat dad? The type of guy who he had no respect for, and now that’s exactly who he was shaping up to be. Is this what he wanted for himself? For his kid?
When he finished the cigarette, he tossed it to the side, then folded the photo carefully and stuck it in his wallet.
Back in class, Billy ignored you again. You almost thought you dreamed the whole encounter, but the missing sonogram in your bag proved it happened. Billy had really acted like he cared. That was totally unlike him.
When Carol and Tina started whispering and giggling at you, that seemed a bit more normal. You just didn’t know what was so interesting this time.
After class they waited for you, popping their bubblegum as they leaned against their desks. “Overheard your Freak boyfriend telling his friends you saw the baby yesterday. How cute,” Carol quipped.
You ignored them, trying to walk by just as Tommy and Billy came up behind them. “What’s going on?” Billy asked.
Carol and Tina looked up at them, malicious grins on their stupid faces. “I just heard the Freaks got to see their baby yesterday. I just wanted to congratulate her.”
Tommy snickered. “How sweet.”
Billy avoided your gaze. “Carol, just leave her alone. It’s not worth it, is it?”
Carol, Tina, and Tommy all gave him a confused look. Because when has he ever cared about making fun of you?
“I just mean,” Billy said, scrambling to recover, “she’s already pregnant in high school. That’s sad enough.”
His friends laughed, and by that point they were moving on to a different conversation. The girls turned and left, Tommy and Billy following behind. You wondered what Tina would think if she knew the truth about her crush.
Eddie dropped you off at home after school, and you were disappointed to see your parents home. You made sure the sonograms were buried deeply in your bag before you got out of the van.
“Are you gonna be alright?” Eddie asked, sensing your anxiety. “D’you want me to come in with you?”
“I think that might make things worse,” you attempted to joke, even though your words were true. Your parents hated Eddie.
“Call me if you need a getaway driver,” he called as you hopped out of the van, and you smiled at him. You caught sight of his copy of the ultrasound photo stuck in his sun visor.
You took a deep breath as you walked up the front steps of the house. As long as you didn’t set them off, this didn’t have to go poorly. You could get upstairs to your room and be left alone all evening.
Your hopes were dashed when you walked inside and your dad immediately called your name. You changed course and walked into the kitchen, finding both your parents standing their looking at you, your mother nursing a glass of wine while your dad held a scotch.
“Honey, your doctor called,” your mom began.
Your blood ran cold. You thought you would be sick on the spot. This could not be happening right now, you were not ready to tell them. But they seemed…oddly calm.
“Oh yeah?” You said, gauging the situation.
“They just said your prescription for Zofran was sent to the pharmacy. Have you been feeling sick?”
You let out a breath. “Oh, yeah, a little. They said it was probably just a stomach bug.”
Your father sipped his scotch. “You’re not going to use this as an excuse to skip school, right?”
“No, sir,” you said. You knew if you didn’t speak to him that way, it would be a whole other world of trouble.
“Good,” he said, “because you want to get into a good school, don’t you? We’ve discussed this.”
“Yes, sir,” you said. Your parents had always made their expectations clear. If you didn’t get into a school they deemed appropriate, they wouldn’t be supporting you any more.
“And I saw that van driving off,” your father added. “I thought we talked about not spending any more time with people like that.”
“People like what?” You asked, knowing better but your anger snapping uncontrollably. “Eddie’s my best friend.”
“The boy sells drugs,” your mother added. “He lives in a….”
“A trailer park?” You finished for her. “Is that what you were about to say?”
“He’s dragging you down,” your father’s voice boomed. “You are too good to be hanging out with his type. Why don’t you go out with the Harrington boy? Now that’s a nice kid, respectable parents-“
“Steve doesn’t even know I exist,” you scoff. “And his friends are dicks.”
“I’m just saying,” your father continued, “you need to keep better company before you’re knocked up and stuck with your choices.”
If only he’d known how cruel his words really were, how deeply they had struck. He would probably be pleased with himself. You turned and ran up the stairs, the tears in your eyes falling whether you wanted them to or not. In the safety of your room you jumped onto your bed, sobbing into your pillows.
What the fuck were you supposed to do?
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Hi there 🙏 thanks for answer me, you can take your time 😊 I am such a fan of some of your fanfics so I know you can write something for me.
I wasn't really feel comfortable with my body like the usually, so I would really love something about Benny comforting reader about her body issues, something like soft but also smutty.. all the smut you can bring to the table (I read your work so I trust you can do it 😂❤️) it can start softly and then go to the dirty smut... That's all I ask for 🙏.
Take your time of course I'll wait excited ☺️
I'm Really Into You - Part 3
Pairing: Benny Miller x f!reader "Poppy"
Word Count: 1900+
Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!
Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.
Notes: Hi Nonnie! I'm so sorry to make you wait! I hope it's ok, but your ask reminded me of another ask I had received years ago that had 2 parts. So I made this a part 3! I'll have parts 1 and 2 linked below in case you haven't read them. Thank you so much for waiting!
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❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)
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**Reader is not described
Main Masterlist
Benny Miller Masterlist
I’m Really Into You Part 1
I’m Really Into You Part 2
I hate our bi-annual meetings at work. They’re supposed to be “fun team morale building”, but all they do is make me feel like shit. Because, inevitably, someone is going to comment on my weight. “You’ve lost weight!” or “Oh, you look the same!”. I once had someone tell me I looked like I had gained weight. People tend to not have filters when you’re not a size 2. I hit Benny’s speed dial on my phone and he picks up after the second ring.
“Hey sweetheart! You on your way over?” I sigh. “Hey, you ok?”
He always seems to know. “Yeah.”
“Poppy?”
I pause a moment. “Just…people at work suck.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No…yes? I don’t know. Maybe I should just go to my place tonight and we can do dinner tomorrow.”
There’s a pause. “If that’s what you want, sure. But I really want you to come over. I miss you.”
A small smile tugs at my lips. “You just saw me yesterday.”
He lets out an overly dramatic whine. “That was forever ago!”
I can’t help but chuckle, picturing his beautiful face and bright blue eyes with a dramatic pout on his lips. “Ok, ok. I’m coming.”
“Yeah you will.”
“Benny!”
“What? I’m psychic too! I can see your future!”
15 minutes later, I pull into his driveway. I glance in the mirror, patting down my hair a little before saying “Fuck it” and just grabbing my bag and walking to the front door. I barely raise my fist to knock before he opens the door, immediately cupping my face and kissing me. It takes me a second but finally I respond, leaning into his kiss as best I can with my bag in one hand and my travel cup in the other.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Benny pulls back just enough to look at me, his large hands still cupping my face.
“Hi Benny.”
He drops my face and takes my bag, letting me enter and take off my shoes while he closes and locks the door. He hangs my bag on a hook and I follow him over to the couch, where he has a drink and some snacks already sitting out. I sit and look at the snacks, tears welling in my eyes.
“Hey hey! No, I didn’t get the chips you hate, I promise!”
I smile sadly, the tears starting to fall as I desperately try to choke them back, wiping at my face with my sleeve. “N-no, you’re perfect.”
He places his hand on my leg. “Then what is it? Was it work?” When I don’t answer, a flash of anger crosses his face. “Those fuckers.”
I let out a choked laugh. “Yeah, they mean well. I think? It’s just…nevermind.”
Benny squeezes my leg. “You can tell me anything, Poppy.”
I take a deep breath. I promised myself I would be open with Benny, especially after he bared himself to me, telling me all about his ptsd and his nightmares, his insecurities, all of it.
“At these big team meetings we have twice a year, I see people I don’t normally see. There’s the usual small talk, but someone almost always talks about my weight. Whether I look like I’ve lost a few pounds, look the same, or even gained weight. Once I had lost about 10 pounds and someone asked if I had gained.” I bury my face in my hands, the tears flowing out. “I’m used to the comments but they still hurt,” my voice is muffled but he hears me.
Gently, Benny grips my forearms, pulling them away from my face before he cups it, waiting for my eyes to find his. “Fuck them, Poppy. You’re gorgeous.”
That sad smile crosses my face again. “You have to say that since you’re my boyfriend. For some reason.” I didn’t mean to say that last part out loud, but I did.
“What?” Benny said in disbelief.
“It’s just you’re so-” I gesture at him. “-hot. And I’m just-” I gesture at myself. “-me.”
“Poppy, I have thought you were gorgeous from the moment I laid eyes on you. I wanted all of you. Your curves, your tits, your ass, your eyes, you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t know what I did to deserve you because I’ve definitely done some fucked up shit in my life.”
I open my mouth to reply, but he presses a finger to my lips. “Let me show you.” He replaces his finger with his lips, soft at first, his tongue gently pressing against my mouth. I part my lips and he slides his tongue in, dancing around with my own. He gently presses on my shoulders to get me to lie down on my back and I comply, his lips kissing down my jaw and sucking on a spot on my neck that has me gasping. His fingers deftly undo the buttons on my shirt and he flings it open, his lips starting a path down to my chest.
“Ooo front open bra!”
I can’t help but giggle at his enthusiasm, the laugh catching in my throat as he pops open my bra and immediately starts lapping at my chest, tongue swirling around my nipples. He sucks one in his mouth and I groan, pressing my hips up against his, feeling how hard he is in his pants already. He pulls his head back and grabs a boob in each hand, kneading and squeezing them as he brushes his thumb over my peaked nipples.
“These are the best tits I’ve ever seen. And I get to put them in my mouth.” He resumes lapping at them, chuckling darkly when my hips buck up again, a quiet moan all I can manage in response. He pulls the top of my skirt down slightly and starts to move down to my stomach, and this is where I twitch. He knows it’s a sensitive area for me, always self-conscious. But he takes his time, kissing and licking and gripping me, bucking his own hips into the couch.
“Fuck you are so hot. I love your curves.”
He bunches the edges of my skirt up in his fists, kissing my thighs as he does so. Then he looks up at me, a sparkle in his eyes as he winks, his head disappearing under my skirt. He presses my legs apart more and before I can say anything, he slides my underwear to the side and licks straight up me, my hips bucking into his face. He slides an arm across my lower belly, firmly keeping me in place as he laps at me, his tongue swirling around my clit as I gasp and moan, my hands twisting into the couch cushions as I could not grip his hair.
“Oh fuck, Benny! There!” He found a spot that makes my leg twitch, massaging it with his tongue for a moment before he slides 2 fingers inside me, immediately curling them and finding that magical spot.
“Cum for me, sweetheart,” he speaks lowly against my cunt, his voice vibrating through me and I lose it, his name tumbling from my lips in praise as wave after wave of pleasure passes over me. I start to come down, but he doesn’t move, reaffirming his grip on my stomach.
“Not done with you yet,” he mumbles, diving back in, his tongue finding another spot that makes both of my legs twitch this time. I manage to prop myself up enough to look between my legs, his broad shoulders poking out from under my skirt where his head is fully lodged. When he licks against me again I come undone, hips twitching as I cry his name. I come down and he pulls his head out, hair all mussed up, his chin glistening with me, a big stupid smile on his face.
“I want you to think of me between your legs every time you wear this skirt.”
That rushes straight between my legs, despite the last several minutes. “Fuck yeah I will.”
He sits up and reaches over his back, pulling his shirt from himself. I lean up and start to undo his pants, Benny chuckling as he watches me. “Can’t wait, huh?” I shake my head as I pull down his zipper. He pushes my legs wider as I pull down his boxers and lay back, slapping his dick against my overstimulated pussy and I jolt. He grips my knees and pushes them a little more wider, notching himself at my entrance.
“Now I’m going to fuck your gorgeous self into this couch and you’re going to take it like my good girl, right?” I nod furiously.
He slides himself in with one push of his hips and I cry out, his body laying over mine as he pounds into me, praise whispered in my ear between grunts. “You’re so fucking hot, Poppy…never been this turned on in my life…I swear it’s like I’m a teenager again…I just want to be inside you all day or between your legs…fuck your tits have good bounce!”
I reach up and pinch my own nipples, eliciting a moan not only from me but from Benny too. “Fuck yeah, Poppy. You’re so hot - touch yourself. Show me how hot you are.”
I hesitate a moment, having never touched myself in front of him, or anyone, before. But I trust the man currently buried inside of me with my entire heart. So I lift two fingers to his mouth and slide them inside, Benny swirling his tongue around them with a groan before I pull them out and place them on my clit, teasing myself how I like. The difference is, I’ve never had a man pounding me senseless while I did this and oh fuck this is hot. Benny pushes himself up, his eyes watching where I’m touching myself.
“Just like you like, Poppy. Oh fuck, this is hot, I’m gonna…cum with me!”
And I do. I cum yelling his name as he continues to press deeper into me, my fingers still dancing across my clit as my legs twitch, my pussy tightening around him as he spills into me, my name a chant on his own lips. He leans down, still inside me, as he presses a soft kiss to my lips.
“Feel better, sweetheart?”
I’m smiling genuinely this time, my entire body warm and relaxed as I nod. “Feeling loved.”
Oh. Fuck. What did I just say?
My eyes fly open as I look at him. We had never said that out loud. But Benny’s smile is wider than mine. “That’s because I love you, Poppy.”
“Y-you do?”
He kisses me again, still soft. “I have for a while.”
“I love you too, Benny. So much.”
The kiss heats up and I feel him twitch inside me. “Let’s go to the bedroom. I want to spread you out and show you how much I love you.”
—----
General Taglist:
@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe
@greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @icanbeyourjedi
@wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso
@theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz
@gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @booksarekindaneat @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox
@amneris21 @gooddaykate @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed
@ladykatakuri @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol
@mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @justreblogginfics @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry
@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @heartpascalispunk
#benny miller#ben miller#benny miller x reader#benny miller x you#benny miller x f!reader#triple frontier#garrett hedlund#benjamin miller#benjamin benny miller#garrett hedlund x reader#garrett hedlund x you#garrett hedlund characters#garrett hedlund character fanfic#garrett hedlund character ff#garrett hedlund character fanfiction
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What's the scuttlebutt on the card streets? Why is steelcity out here talking about pink dazzlers and presales?
�� oh my! I’ll check in with my boss tomorrow and see what he can dig up but this is exciting if it’s real! I was hoping for more dazzlers. it’s possible that upper deck will try to put together another box quickly to capitalize on the interest, I’m hoping their next release has more variety and autos/relics.
@justbackgroundnoise have you heard any juicy goss about a next release?
#ask tag#pwhl#hockey cards#this is very interesting#shops usually are the first to know so if this is listed somewhere they must have some info!!!#will research#stay tuned#thanks for the lead tho
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thanks, little brother. i miss you guys too and i’m always thinking about you. it’s hard to schedule visits when you’re trying to watch the entire world… but tomorrow will be nice, i’m excited.
hey guys, found some pictures of the guys on my phone so might as well share them!
Johnny, probably thinking about eating bagels
another one, this time from the background of a picture I deleted. Got it from Gordo, he took it while I was lost in space. He wasn't happy.
this one just makes me laugh.
that's it for now, I dunno what else to put. Need to get more embarrassing photos to share...
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okay, i was kind of bitch to my sister today and i can own that our fight today was largely my fault. apologized and helped her get ready before she had to go home (she’s flying out pf the town where the apartment she shares with her fiance is) and i’m gonna be super supportive tomorrow and and through the weekend because it IS her bachelorette trip and her wedding, things should be about her.
at the same time. though i know i should let go of some of my resentments, i do think my GENERAL frustration with her acting … demanding and wanting everyone to do everything her way is valid. and i don’t know how i’m going to deal in the future.
but i recognize that i chose a really dumb thing to get angry about, as it represented a larger issue. i feel sick to my stomach and guilty but also like…. i don’t know how mych longer I can keep doing this with her. maybe neither of us is totally right or totally wrong and we just simply do not have lives or personalities that mesh well
#personal#honestly i’m a little embara of how petty it was#but at tge same time like.#she said ‘you know you can’t act like this on the trip right’#to me while i was crying and that fucking hurt#but i recognize that i escalated something that did not need it and just. yeah#i’m trying to be excited about tomorrow#gonna have to get up SO early though
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good morning + happy wednesday my friendz !! i am super sleepy sleeps but determined to get thru the day with my trusty coffee by my side ଘ(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و !! i hope you all have a magnificent day 🤍💫
#i had to fight the world to get my coffee tho#i’m still bitter someone cut me off in line and then LAUGHED about it#>:( <- my angry lil face casting menacing glares at them bc im too non confrontational to ever do anything about that#OH WELL LMFOASJJSJS#ranted to the girlies and felt better <3#tomorrow is the big day + i’m very excited > O < !!!!!!!#going to be a little more inactive the next few days but i will pop in every once in a bit teehee#might try to queue up some drafts tho bc out of sight out of mind mweheheee#love ya !! take care of yourselves & each other :3#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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callbacks otherwise known as one of the most stressful times in life
#my callback is tomorrow and there are twelve other people called back#i’m excited bc it’s for the character i really want but i’m trying to stay calm about it#will update tomorrow on how it went!!#musical theatre
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Jonah’s enucleation went well! He’s home now and is going to have to suffer the indignity of the Cone Of Shame for the next two weeks while his surgery site recovers. And also drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. The vet saw “beagle” and “jack russell terrier” in the same dog and decided that so many drugs would be necessary to keep this dog calm while he recovers.
At least he’s cute while drugged out of his mind.
Please note that the edge of the cone is blocking his enucleated eye. While this wasn’t intentional when I first took the photo, it’s probably for the best. His eye socket is pretty bruised right now and stained from the surgery and some seepage that the vet has assured us is totally normal in early recovery. (They didn’t want to clean it off since they didn’t want to irritate the surgery site by rubbing it - we’ll try and get it cleaned up a little tomorrow after he’s had time to calm down from all the excitement.)
He has a follow up scheduled on February 19th to get his stitches removed and check how his remaining eye is doing with his med routine, pressure wise. Admittedly I’m not too worried about that one. It responded to treatment immediately during his initial visit to urgent care, and had stayed at a good level when he was retested the next day.
Again, I’d like to thank everyone so much who’s donated or helped signal boost about him. If you’d still like to donate, we’d definitely appreciate it. We’re between checks right now and he’s going to need a LOT of pill pockets.
Alternatively if you’d prefer, you can buy supplies for him straight from my pet specific Amazon wishlist here:
Jonah's Enucleation
So this is going to be a long post. I apologize for that in advance. I've been sort of blowing up @talesfromtreatment's ask box since Sunday morning going through a hell of a rollercoaster with my dog. (Again, sorry about that. Not sure if you read any of it, but if you haven't feel free to delete those messages and just read this post instead if you want to know what I've been using your ask box as a sounding board about for the last 48-ish hours.)
This all starts Saturday.
We have a Beagle/Jack Russell mix. His name is Jonah. He's around 8-ish years old and, tragically, a beagle with all that entails. He's a good dog - but he's got loud opinions and can't help himself around food or cat toys. He wears sweaters in the winter when it's cold. He has a favorite blanket. He's overweight but we've been working on it.
Saturday morning, when we woke up, everything was normal. As the day went on, he started acting like he does on his bad pain days. He's had Lyme in the past and while he tests negative now, he has what I can only describe as flare ups. He'll get listless, go off his food, and just be miserable for a day before he perks up and is just fine the next day. We have prescription painkillers for if a flare up lasts particularly long or he's really uncomfortable. But this looked like a mild one, all things considered.
Saturday evening, when I let him out for the night, I noticed a little bit of odd behavior. He walked straight into the screen door on his way back in. "Huh, that's odd." I thought. But it was dark out, and the screen door was in a different spot than usual because of some ground shifting after our recent cold snap - I wasn't able to open it all the way like I usually do. He didn't seem to find his treat as quickly as usual either. But I figured, he's getting older. Maybe his vision's going a little. He already has his annual scheduled in March - I'll bring it up with his vet then.
I didn't get a chance.
Sunday morning, when we woke up, he was blind. In the short span of 24 hours, he'd completely lost his vision.
We knew something was wrong. We checked the hours for our local animal urgent care, and resolved to take him in the second they opened.
And once they had, we loaded him and his favorite blanket up in the car, and drove straight there. There was another emergency ahead of us. The clinic was busy. Not surprising - it was the only place within an hour's drive that was open today. Everyone with an urgent problem would be going there today. Still, we weren't waiting very long before they brought us back to one of their two exam rooms and started intake.
We didn't wait long for the vet either.
It's a vet we know. She's saved our cat's life before. (Some of you may remember Lily, if you've been following me for a long time. We had to do signal boost fundraising for her years back after a near death experience.) We trust her implicitly. She looks over Jonah and confirms our suspicions. He's completely blind. But why he's suddenly gone blind is what we're there to find out.
After examining him, she suspects glaucoma. It wasn't something I even knew dogs could get. On the way there, I'd been running through the worst fears I could think of. Had his thyroid medication tipped him the other way into hyperthyroidism? Had we missed diabetes? Was it a brain tumor?
We were prepared for a lot of things. Glaucoma sounded easy! My mom has borderline glaucoma! Just eye drops to control his pressure and keep up with his annuals, and he'll be fine, right?
So back to the waiting room we went while they started his tests. We requested a comprehensive blood panel to rule out any other possibilities, which the vet agreed to do in addition to his eye pressure check and a test to check his moisture levels in his eyes as well.
We wait for a bit, they bring him back out, and we get his test results. Blood panel looks good. Eyes are a tiny bit on the dry end of normal range. But his eye pressure is through the roof. Glaucoma confirmed. No big! We just need to get his eye pressure down and then we can get him on maintenance drops and follow up with our regular vet.
Except that isn't how it happens.
He gets his first round of drops. We wait thirty minutes. He gets a second round, because his pressure was really high, another thirty minutes. They retest. The pressure in his right eye is down. But his left eye has continued to climb. We do another couple rounds of drops. Another retest. His right eye has stabilized. His left eye has not. They give him a narcotic for the pain. We try another medication - one that the vet didn't want to use because it's extremely uncomfortable for the dogs but at this point we need to get this under control. Drops every fifteen minutes. Waiting. Agonizing. We talk about next steps. The vet consults with a specialist in a larger city. Jonah has calmed thanks to the narcotic and is laying on his blanket on the floor of the waiting room.
After nearly six hours at animal urgent care, the pressure in his right eye finally comes down. It's still high, but the vet doesn't want to keep him any longer. We're discharged with a steroid to control the inflammation and hopefully manage the pain, an antibiotic because we just spent nearly six hours fussing with his eyes and don't want them infected, and the drops to control his eye pressure. We're given strict instructions to follow up with our regular vet the next day and have his pressure retested as soon as we're able.
Exhausted, we bring our extremely drugged dog home. He pees in the front yard and spends the rest of the evening on his blanket on the couch. I give him his first dose of medication without incident. Then his second. Mom goes to bed. I promise to wake her if I need help giving him his third dose.
He sleeps on the couch. Our cat joined him at some point between his third dose and the time I came up for his fourth. His narcotics are starting to wear off now. He cries when I go to gently pull his eyelid back to medicate his left eye. His eye looks worse. He's in pain. I feel bad but I know I have to do this and thankfully I manage on my own. He settles down and I go to bed, resolved to wake in four short hours for his next dose.
The next morning I wake up for his next dose of meds. Pressure drops then steroids. His eye hasn't improved. I start to worry. I'm afraid of what we'll find when we drop him off at the vet. Has his left eye continued to trend downwards or has it shot back up? We won't know until he gets tested. Our other dog has a grooming appointment. Mom leaves to take him to that. I stay home with Jonah. I call our vet and let them know what's going on. Ask if we can drop him off. The tech tells me the vet won't be in for another hour and she'll call me back as soon as she's talked to them.
I lay down on the couch with Jonah and try to get a little more sleep. I wake up in an hours - he needs his antibiotic now. The vet calls and agrees to a drop off appointment. I drive him in with his blanket, all his medications, and the meal he hadn't eaten that morning. I let them know everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. He hasn't eaten or drank anything since the previous morning. I worry.
Mom gets home with our freshly groomed other dog. We talk about what we're going to do. We've stretch our budget thin paying for his urgent care visit the previous day. We know the next step is to remove the eye that we can't get under control - a $2,000-$3,000 surgery. Way out of our budget. But we don't want him to be in pain. We resolve that if his pressure has gone up again, we'll have him put to sleep rather than have him suffer any longer.
The waiting game starts again. A few hours later, we get the call. The vet retested his eyes three times. The right has completely stabilized. The left has shot up again. We're devastated. We know what's best for him. What has to be done. We let the vet know, and schedule to come to the office in three hours to see him across the rainbow bridge, after we've had time to inform His Boy who now lives two hours away with a family of his own.
We're all emotionally drained by this point. We've cried off and on. It's hard to talk about it without crying. The urgent care vet calls us to see how he's doing and we tell her the bad news.
Monday afternoon, we drive to the vet's office. We try not to break down into tears in the waiting room, knowing what's coming. Knowing we'll be led into the quiet Goodbye Room they have, with its nice couch and soft pastel walls and privacy.
We get called up to the tech and are met with a question.
"If money weren't a problem, what would you do?" I reply without thinking. "Get rid of the damn eye." She tells us that there's another option. There's a friend of the office who offers financial assistance for cases like ours. Young, otherwise healthy animals with decent prognoses whose owners just can't afford the treatment they need. She only asks what we can afford to pay, and she'll pay the rest. No need to repay her. We're overcome. There's the smallest glint of hope.
We ask when we'd have to pay, because we'd just tapped everything we had for his urgent care appointment. She offers to talk to the vet. The vet agrees. We're clients in good standing who've proven again and again how much we care for our pets. The entire office hated what was about to happen because we just couldn't afford a treatment. For us, they'll defer payment until our next check comes in.
Overcome, we schedule the surgery. Jonah is brought out to us, now on painkillers and in significantly better spirits. (Although some of that may be attributed to a dirty secret they shared with us. One of the girls in the office had a birthday that day, you see. And, thinking it was his final day, they'd spoiled him fucking rotten. He may have diarrhea tonight, the tech says apologetically. We just laugh.)
On February 4th, Jonah's left eye will be removed. His right eye will remain. He'll be blind for the rest of his life. But he'll be alive and out of pain and that was always the goal we were aiming for. We still have a heavy financial burden, but he's worth it. He's so, so worth it. We're going to have so many more years to enjoy him and all his tragically Beagle crimes.
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Oh man. THAT’s what his voice sounds like???
#way more nasally twink than I was expecting#guess I should’ve figured considering he looks exactly like the Astarion archetype#excited to find out why people on the internet love you so much.#I finally understand why people are not normal about Zenos. but you. ‘Solus zos Galvus’….#you are yet a mystery.#also. That is NOT the name I have seen associated with you in fan arts on Twitter dot com.#>_>#You can’t trick me.#I try not to get terribly spoiled on things related to series I like#but it is impossible to be on XIVTwitter without a million careless people posting recklessly#as is their wont#So I know names. And I know of a certain Exarch.#I have a guess I’m pretty confident in as to what the overall plot of Shadowbringers is.#but I am lucky enough that I do not know the specific details. Yet.#I am excited to get into it tomorrow.#seven quests remain
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You have to have water fic titles because you're drowning in wips, huh?
:0
(On one hand i personally found this very funny and I did do a little huff huff of genuine laughter—)
(On the other hand I did do a little quick calculation, and over the 2 years I’ve been writing in this niche of a fandom, I’ve published 60 fanfictions on ao3 and of that 60, 48 have been completed, which leaves me with 12 work in progress fics on ao3—OUT OF 60!!!!!! 12 fics out of 60 that are works in progress !!!!!
12 !!!!! Out of!!!!! 60!!!!!!!!!!)
#asks#obikin#80% is a damn good range !!!#and again i laughed at this ask#and I feel like the asker didn’t mean any harm or anything but s joke#and I laughed at the joke!!#I appreciated it 🤭#but also I just feel like we’re getting weirdly insane and obligatory about wips#when I’m trying my fucking. best#I’m moving this next week#like 5 of my teeth hurt and I’m terrified of the dentist because they’ll ask more for so much up front#so everytime i drink ice water or even hot#soup it sucks#and not to speak for#others but also I’m side their metaphorical teeth hurt#I’m sure their Life is Life-ing#and I want 48/60 to be enough#cause I want to publish another fic tomorrow (a wip even!!) and have it be 48/61#and have everyone be like chill about it. cause it’s#something I’m excited to post#idk#this ask tore me 50/50 as you can see through the tags 3 people read etc etc
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my acnh game after three years of not being thought about at all:
#nuclear-wiener420#thoughts w/ nuke#animal crossing new horizons#acnh#i restarted my island and have spent literally all day trying to get the island i want#i’m mostly looking for a specific fruit and airport at this point#i’ll take the fucking piss monkey if it means i get the base of the island i want#gonna try again tomorrow wish me luck on finding my island i have to be so brave at work and wait til after my shift#i have so many plans in mind for my island though and i’m so excited#i also have the dlc and i’m SO excited to get that sorted about bc i have BIG plans for that :)#ac brainrot#also this is not my original photo i found it on google creds to og creator wherever they are
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#just need to vent rq lololol#my wedding lehenga came out so freaking beautiful#but it needs to be taken in a lot like. i lost 6 inches on my waist since i initially had it made for my body#and everyone at the shop was like ohh wow good job great you look so great now you look awesome#and my mom was like oh wow good job that’s good you did it#like lol#i wanted to just be like#‘thanks i had to go to iop therapy at an ed center where they literlaly taught me how to eat food. like a toddler. thanks’#like i didn’t lose weight for an intentional reason but thanks for confirming you thought i looked horrible before lolol#idk i have been like every size in the book but seeing how much better ppl treat me when im smaller#i’m just like. :)#if my mom says anything about her body or mine tomorrow i will probably fucking lose it and if you see a woman in nj killing ppl on the news#it’s me. lol#it just really took me out of the experience bc i’m trying sooooo hard to be neutral about my body. and like. i don’t need to hear your#thoughts abt what i look like lmao#whatever my dress is beautiful and i’m so beautiful and i’m excited but i really do think i should be able to hunt ppl for sport#leave me alone#nothing you do can please ppl#when i was 20 and 100 lbs and killing myself and sick and miserable every single day my mom was also just like#wow you look great#meanwhile i was balding and fainting at the gym and failing my college classes bc i was obsessed w my body#text#also look at these cats that are just in luis’s apartment’s hallway like rofl who let them out of their apt!!!! so cute#my mom saying ‘you did it’ as if i was trying to do something made me lol#i wasn’t TRYING to do anything i just am healing my relationship w food and my body#bc i refuse to waste my entire life being bitter and miserable and ashamed of existing#like SOMEONE i know….#anyway this could be you too! if you went to fucking therapy!#i ate ny pizza out of spite after all of this#sorry some of you can’t enjoy a fucking carb !!!!!
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guys my birthday is in a few days i’m soooo pumped 😭
#this weekend can’t come fast enough#i’ve been so damn busy but this weekend i’m gonna just chill#and do stuff that makes me happy 🥹#sorry i’ve been mia life is insane#i’m trying to book a tattoo that i haven’t even finished designing 💀#and my brother has been on my ass about hanging out#cause our birthdays are so close and we never see each other#(it’s his birthday today 🖤)#and he’s so fucking excited i’m gonna finally watch one piece he’s been so obnoxious about it for years#anyway i know i have a bunch of asks i will try to come on tomorrow and get through them#i hate being so mia but i love that you guys still care 🥹🖤🩶🤍
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I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it
#I was in a relatively good mood today#work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow#(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!)#plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend#and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling#hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch#questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message!#this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that#I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me#issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways)#but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like#PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT#GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE#I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis#(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that)#(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t#think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.)#but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated#I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol#and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭#kaz rambles
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Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)
Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh
The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)
All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!
ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more
^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls
Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.
#vent#cw vent#rant#delete later#<- like tomorrow morning I’m shre#usually I delete stuff like this immediately but I’ll try to keep it up#was talking to my mom earlier about OCD and intrusive thoughts and whatnot….#she definitely has it too. like undoubtedly#her intrusive thoughts and compulsions sounded exactly like mine#which sucks for me bc my dad ALSO definitely has OCD (in a more outwardly recognizable way) so! wahoo! double whammy#just feeling kinda defeated about mental health stuff#I feel like it’s never gonna get better#I need to go to therapy or a psychiatrist or SOMETHING#it’s been like 4 years now since I was originally supposed to go lol#and I keep putting it off out of fear (I think)#my friends (irls) have all been getting diagnoses and prescriptions lately#which is exciting for them but :( idk. I feel like there’s no way to medicate whatever I’ve got going on except SSRIs????#and I don’t really want that#mostly though I’m just scared of going back to therapy or to a psychiatrist bc I think they’ll think I’m lying or crazy or whatever#which sounds stupid when I write it out but idk#I should probably keep a journal but when I’m only writing for my own eyes I just kinda wallow in it and write concerning poetry lol#I like journaling in a way other people can see (even if y’all DON’T like seeing it lmaoooo) bc it makes it feel more real?#and out of my head.. concrete etc.#wackyposting#<- seriously need to change that tag still lol
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