#i’m trying to be excited about tomorrow

[moosesarecute]

Day 3: Belonging

@azrielappreciationweek

Azriel loved his family.

He loved his mother, but rarely saw her. He refused to bring her any danger when he knew she couldn’t protect herself.

He loved his brothers. Even though he has had different arguments with both of them lately, he loved them.

He loved Amren, Mor, Feyre, Elain and Nesta.

His entire family gave him joy.

But he was missing someone. Someone that was just his. His mother had never been able to raise him. Rhys and Cass were friends before he came along. Rhys’ mother was exactly that, Rhys’. Mor chose Cass and all the Archeron sisters had mates that wasn’t him.

He was always the second choice.

He knew they loved him back and did their best to include him, but they would never prioritize him over their mates. And he understood that, but it wasn’t enough.

He needed to be the first choice.

That’s why he loved you more than anything and also why he chose to keep you a secret.

He knew his family would never take you away from him, but he hated the thought of even sharing the amazing relationship the two of you had with others.

You had now been dating for two years. And it was the two most amazing years of his life.

If he had a bad day, you were there to hold him. If he had a good day, you were there to be happy with him. And if he had a normal day, you were there to make it perfect.

He had lost count of the days he had come home to a freshly cooked dinner and your smiling face.

You loved to cook in your free time and even though Azriel often urged you to let him help you in the kitchen, the answer was always the same: “I love to cook, Az. It’s my way of unwinding.”

So he let you have the cooking and he did the dishes. It worked for the two of you.

“Are you even listening?” Rhysand asked him.

Mission, Illyria, two weeks, female training

Thank the mother for his shadows.

“You want me to spend two weeks in Illyria making sure the females are training,” he answered with a neutral tone. “I listen, but isn’t this more of Cassian’s expertise?”

He did not want to leave you for two weeks. In only one week was your two years anniversary and he had planned something special.

“Cassian is going on the same mission, but he’s taking half the camps and you’re taking the other half,” Rhys explained. “Spending a month every time we have to make sure the females are training isn’t going to work, so we are trying this solution.”

He only nodded.

Even though he hated to miss your anniversary, he just couldn’t let Rhys know about you just yet.

“Thank you, Az,” Rhys answered. “Can you start tomorrow?”

It had been two weeks without Azriel. A week since your anniversary. And even though you knew why he wanted to keep you a secret, you still hated the fact that you were alone on your anniversary.

So to say you were excited for him to return was an understatement.

You were almost blooming in happiness. You had made his favorite dinner and dessert and made sure the food was ready for nine o’clock. He said he would be back at nine o’clock.

But then it turned nine fifteen and then half past nine and then ten and then eleven.

You knew Azriel well enough to know that he would have let you know if he knew he would be late.

But you had gotten no message.

So you started pacing.

And cleaning.

You ate without him. You read your book. You knitted. And you took a bath.

And finally, at three o’clock in the morning, you heard the door to your house close.

You basically ran towards the front door and were immediately met by a wall of shadows.

They embraced you, looked over your entire body for injuries and pulled you towards their master.

“Az?” You asked carefully.

“I’m sorry for coming home so late,” he answered with a tired voice.

The shadows had now pulled you so that you stood only half a meter away from Azriel.

His leathers were ripped and his head was heavy.

“What happened?” You asked him with a gasp.

Before he could answer you had already slipped on your shoes and started dragging him out the door.

“Y/N,” he said and tried to hold you back. “I’m fine.”

You stopped in your tracks.

“Az,” you started with a sigh. “Love, you can’t even stop me, a female half your size, from dragging you to the clinic. I think we both know you’re not fine.”

He let you win the argument and went along to the clinic. He walked worriedly slow and every now and then he let out a painful whimper. He even had difficulties holding his wings up from the ground.

You had just gotten to the clinic and sat down in the examination room, when you felt his hand go limp and looked up to see his eyes closed.

“Az?” You asked and shook him carefully. He gave no reaction.

You didn’t even think before you ran out of the room and found the closest healer.

Three healers rushed into his room and started working. They healed many small wounds and a bigger one on his back, before they bandaged some of the deeper ones.

You couldn’t look away from his face. He looked so peaceful, it felt so wrong knowing he was harmed.

“He’ll be okay,” one of the healers said to you. “You’re Y/N, right?”

You looked up at the healer from the chair you sat in. She knew about you? You didn’t think Azriel had told anyone about you.

“He usually asks for you right after waking up,” she told you as an answer to your confusion. “I’ll have to contact the High Lord. He’ll want to know his shadowsinger is safe.”

You nodded at the healer and spent as long time as possible beside Azriel, holding his hand and cuddling his hair, before you went back home, alone.

If he needed you to be a secret, you would be.

Azriel woke with a deep breath.

“Y/N?” He asked aloud with a groggy voice.

“Az?”

He couldn’t hold back the disappointment in hearing his brother’s voice and not yours.

He opened his eyes and was met with both of his brothers nervous stares.

Rhys handed him a glas of water and Cassian helped him sit up, even though he didn’t need help.

“You scared us there, Az,” Rhys said. “You had poison in your blood.”

Even though he heard Rhys’ words, he simply couldn’t understand what he was talking about.

The only thing he remembered was shadow walking home to you. He remembered making sure you were okay and that you dragged him to the clinic without even a hug or kiss.

But where were you now?

Y/N?

Home, safe, worried

His shadows saved him from going mad from worry.

“Az?” Cassian’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. He looked over to his brother. “Who’s Y/N?”

Azriel struggled to not show his surprise and confusion. How did he know about you?

“You’ve been muttering that name in your sleep,” Rhys explained and Azriel understood that they already knew who you are. “We’re sorry if you haven’t felt like you could tell us.”

“Yeah,” Cassian agreed. “We haven’t been prioritizing you and we’ve hated ourselves for it. Hope you can forgive us and let us have a new chance.”

Azriel didn’t know how to respond. He felt seen and understood. It felt nice. He felt ready even though he dreaded having to explain his feelings.

“Y/N is my girlfriend,” he started to explain. “We’ve been together for two years now and I didn’t want anyone to know because-“

“We understand Az,” Rhys interrupted him. “You wanted her for yourself. You don’t need to explain unless you want to.”

Relief grew from his body.

But he knew he wouldn’t feel okay until you were in his arms.

“Can one of you maybe get Y/N and bringer her here?” He asked carefully.

“Where is she?” Cassian asked as he jumped up from his chair and got ready to leave.

You woke from a knock at your door. It had been a long and anxious night not knowing how Azriel’s doing and you hadn’t realized you fell asleep.

Another knock made you sit up in the couch.

You knew it wasn’t Azriel, he had stopped knocking ages ago.

But you had a good feeling and went to open the door anyway.

“Hello,” a large illyrian male you realized had to be Cassian said.

“Hello?” You answered confused.

“There’s an awake shadowsinger that really wants you to come visit him.”

You had to hold back a squeal when you realized Azriel had told his family about you. And you immediately got ready to go to the clinic.

Cassian walked in front of you into the room and then pulled the High Lord out so that you and Azriel could be alone. It was absurd.

“Hi,” Azriel said.

His voice made you melt a little and you rushed towards him to give him a hug and kisses.

“Don’t ever do that again,” you said as you kissed his entire face. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” Azriel answered and moved to embrace you as well. “You know I’ll always come home to you, right?”

You nodded into his chest.

“I don’t like being away from you,” you whispered. “I think we belong together.”

Shadow started playing with your hair as Azriel became more and more relaxed.

“I know we do.”

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[writing-intheundercroft]

draft: if I ever loved anyone else

Dropping a wee auror seb draft in celebration of The Night Shift's first birthday! Thank you for all who have stuck around and read my stories this past year <3

“Are you sure you’re comfy here?” 

Sebastian pats the straw mattress reassuringly. “I slept out here all the time when I was a kid.” He reminds you. “I can sleep here for one last night.”

It’s the night before your wedding, and Anne has all but put her foot down on the two of you sleeping together.  It’s tradition, she argued, to have the groom see the bride for the first time walking down the aisle.  It would be inappropriate for the two of you to share a bed, and you had to follow the proper traditions. 

Bit of a moot point, Ominis had teased, gesturing to your pregnant belly. He did not flinch with the shorter Sallow swatted at him, instead sporting a mischievous grin.  Clearly life spent with the twins had started to wear off on him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning then,” you say, pressing a kiss to his forehead.  Sebastian caught your hand, pressing his own lips to your palm.  He tucks himself into the straw bed in the shed one last time, fluffing his pillow as you walk back to the doorway.  

“Hold on a moment,” Sebastian murmurs, prompting you to stop in the door frame. 

“What is it?” You ask, turning to face him. 

”I want to remember this,” Sebastian declares, clutching his heart. “You, the night before our wedding. The way the moonlight hits you and our baby.”

Your hand hovers over your dressing gown, resting atop the babe in your belly. “She’s restless,” you admit. “A bit too much excitement, I think.”

“You’re so sure it’s a girl,” Sebastian hums. 

“I’m right about a lot of things,” You say slyly, pulling your hair over one shoulder. 

Sebastian creases his eyes in a wink. “Like me?”

“Always about you,” the words tumble out of your mouth before he’s even done with his question.

“See you tomorrow then?” Sebastian says eagerly. “I’ll be the one in a kilt.”

”And I’ll be the blob in a white dress,” You say sarcastically, wagging your finger at him. “Don’t forget to shave, by the way.”

Sebastian pouts. “You don’t like it? I’ve been trying it out.”

”I want you to be clean shaven,” you demand. “I want to remember you the same way I always have.  You can grow those patchy whiskers of yours again after the wedding.”

”Ouch,” Sebastian gasps, clutching his white sleep shirt. “That hurt.” 

You just roll your eyes, blowing him a kiss. “I’ll see you down the aisle in a few hours.”

”I can’t wait,” Sebastian assures you.

He cannot.  Even with Anne’s wards, Sebastian slips his way through the window to sleep next to you in the old Feldcroft cottage, one hand protectively curled against your child.  He makes sure to sneak back out before Anne and Ominis wake, slinking back to the lumpy mattress in the shed.  And when he stands in the center of the field in his kilt, bouncing on his heels at the sight of you descending the hill in your white lace dress, his face is clean shaven.

[mint-and-authoress]

Slime HRT - Progress Report II

<<| ⏯️ |>>

[The video opens with a familiar bedroom setup from previous recordings. In the top right corner a timestamp of ‘10 Weeks’ is shown.]

“Okay, ten weeks. We’re ten freaking weeks into this. I’m honestly really excited for this update actually because…”

[Elise stands back a few feet and rolls up her sleeves to reveal her arms. The skin has shifted from translucent to transparent, and the musculature is present underneath, a mix of bluish-gray and red.]

“Skin’s gone! …Well, not gone gone, but it’s totally cleared up! It’s all see-through now, and that means the muscle’s gonna go next. Which I’m a little nervous about.

“Yeah… that last bit at the end of the first video was my dad kinda outing me on his own because I didn’t have a chance to cover up. And that’s kinda led to this Transspecies Cold War that I’ve been forced to take part in for like… 3 weeks now? Luckily my mother is oblivious to all this so I’ve managed to skirt around that volcanic eruption. Dad hasn’t said a word to me, though, which is a bit weird, but I’m honestly fine with not talking to him. Freeing, in a sense.

“Anyway, important things first! In terms of my transition timeline, I’m actually a little ahead of schedule! Which, don’t get me wrong, it’s really exciting to experience this stuff and confirm it’s all really happening, but also kinda puts a bit of a wrench into my plans. Some gunk in the cogs, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to use more slime puns, but I’m not sure if it’s for me.”

[Elise stares off for a second before snapping back to reality.]

“...Right, the wrench. Problem. Whatever it was. Right, my job! I’m a bit worried about how long I’ll be able to keep working, seeing as though I’m gonna basically have muscular dystrophy advancing throughout my body at a rapid rate. I don’t do a ton of heavy lifting, at most I’d struggle with lifting mannequins but we barely do that. Mostly just hanging clothes and gettin stuff hung up.

“My skin, or my surface now, I guess, is a bit stickier now? From what I can tell, the surface is just a slime’s version of skin; all the goop you’d imagine just comes from underneath to gather sensory input. I guess that hasn’t happened yet because 1) I don’t have that goop yet–the goop that’ll come from all my muscles, I mean–and 2) I still have a human’s nervous system so I can still touch and understand that feeling.

“So far so good, though. No more skin, no more breakouts. Hopefully the muscles are just as cooperative.”

[The segment ends. The next segment fades in and Elise looks notably different. Her hair is gone and has been replaced with a shorter ‘haircut’ made entirely from slime. She wears a t-shirt and long pants. Elise’s surface is still clear but most of the muscle underneath is also gone, the little remaining still in small patches dotted across her body. Her face is also completely eroded away, all that remains is the skull, eyes, and the inner workings of her ears. The slime that makes up Elise’s body is now tinted green. The timestamp reads ‘5 Months.’]

“This is my entry at 5 months during transition. Holy Hell it has been a rough one. As you can see…”

[Elise slowly stands and orients the camera to face multiple parts of the bedroom, most of which has been compartmentalised and/or boxed up. She finally turns the camera to face her once more in the usual shot.]

“I am ready to get out. In fact, I’m actually headed out tomorrow morning to go live with my partner out west. Out in the wilderness, surrounded by nature. First things first, though. I gotta unpack these last months for y’all.”

[Elise starts to roll up her sleeves before seemingly forgetting that she is wearing a t-shirt, which she begins to fidget with.]

“Transition stuff first. Also sorry if I’m a bit spaced out, I’ve been a bit…well I guess I’ll just call myself out on it, I’ve been a bit airheaded recently. Doctors say it’s a side effect of the drugs, which of course it is. All in the name of science or something.

“I don’t want it to come across like I’m not happy; I’m fucking ecstatic and euphoric all the time. Life’s just been a lot lately.

“In terms of the muscular decomposition it actually kinda freaking hurts. Like when it started I just felt sore but over the course of a week somewhere around 14 weeks in I got barely any sleep. Turns out, acid dissolving you hurts pretty bad, actually. It got better when a majority of the muscle was gone but every now and again the body decides to get rid of more and unfortunately I can’t use any ibuprofen or painkillers because they inhibit some yeast growth and I just so happen to be made of the stuff nowadays.

“Also, on that note, no more caffeine, ever, apparently. Yeasts actually really don’t react well to caffeine so I’m really really glad I don’t drink coffee. No more Dr. Pepper hurts the soul, though. F in the chat for no more dr pepper.

“Also, hair. As in, no more hair, anywhere. I think they try to skirt around the fact that you will drop your hair as soon as the scalp becomes goop when they tell the trans girls about their transition. I think I would have screamed if I had the house to myself when I took that shower and my whole head felt very light. Luckily your body becomes very malleable when you take these drugs and after like four days of trying I figured out how to style my goop-hair. I’m usually covered from top to bottom in clothes to stay hidden, though, so I barely ever get the chance. And of course, since the hair is gone, my nails went around the same time. Been having to wear touchscreen gloves just to use my phone, and rubber gloves under those so I don’t seep through.

“Other changes… well, showering is pretty euphoric, honestly. Putting more water in the body kinda expands it in a way. Makes all the mass a bit sloshy but still workable if I don’t overdo it. Makes me all euphoric to have big ol tiddies whenever I want.

“I’m still able to eat normally, but I’ve started to actually digest with my slime. Lately my goal has been to taste without my tongue – which is also gone, mind you, just got lucky that I kept my tastebuds at least a little bit.”

[Elise stares off into the distance once again, seemingly lost in thought. After a moment she recollects herself and sits a bit taller.]

“Most of you have guessed by now that I’d get fired because of my transition, and yeah, that was last week. I warned my boss way in advance that I may slowly lose some physical function during transition but either she didn’t care to research my procedures or hated my guts anyway, either way I got canned for being unable to lift and perform my duties. It’s not so bad, lets me decompress and get ready to move.

“Yeah, I know, the move. Funny, you think I should have mentioned that first, or maybe a few months ago. Thing is, I had no idea I’d be moving out this early either. My transition is happening at an advanced rate for some reason and the doctors won’t be able to say before 6 months anyway so we’re all a bit in the dark about it.

“So last night I was invited to dinner with my parents. Not like an actual ‘going out to a restaurant’ dinner, no this was more like ‘Elise gets to cook and make her parents a nice meal and be forced to sit and talk about uncomfortable shit with them for at least an hour’ dinner. Lucky for them, I’m a bit of a pushover and I actually do like to cook so I made something nice.

“So, an hour and one stir fried chicken dish later, I’m sitting in the living room with my parents watching TV and absolutely trying to not shrink in on myself. That’s been an experience, let me tell you. I can just kinda ball up now if I want. Which I did not want to do considering I was still stealth from my mom.

“Of course, she has to ask how work is going and of course I had to unmask for just one insignificant second and reply that I was let go. There was a bit of a screaming match, and a ride to the hospital for my mother who legitimately had a heart attack from seeing her daughter’s skull and eyes suspended in a slightly green goop. Food colouring, by the way. Way cheaper than hair dye.

“Mom’s alright, she’s an addict so that’s what the doctors are focussed on now. Which unfortunately means that they have to deal with a whole bunch of bills and other lovely little things. Dad took me aside and made it abundantly clear that I was no longer welcome in their home. Hence, the boxes and suitcase that all hold the entirety of what I own.

“In better news, I’m gonna get an apartment with my love and we’ll be all okay by the end of the week. At some point I’m gonna also have to head into Hyper City again, check in with my doctors who all seem to have no idea why my transition is going so fucking fast all of a sudden. I mean, I was on schedule up until like that 7 weeks update and then everything went into like, I dunno, super puberty, and just shot way ahead.

“So, yeah…transition’s going great, just have to bear with all the other stuff that comes with it. I transitioned once, I can do it again. Stay strong, we’ll make it through together.”

[The scene fades to black as Elise reaches for the camera.]

}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{

We are so back. With the Biggest. Update. Ever.

Well, not Elise. She's actually going through it af

More slime time! This post's inspiration (imma keep doing this btw, I like giving shout outs to my humble base of 40 followers) comes from both @draconic-lesbian for constant and continuous love and species affirmation, and @reliablegal who somehow derived her own slime biology and affirmed most of what I found to be true :D

catch y'all later when Elise moves into a new place and totally nothing crazy happens~

[starlightswait]

okay, i was kind of bitch to my sister today and i can own that our fight today was largely my fault. apologized and helped her get ready before she had to go home (she’s flying out pf the town where the apartment she shares with her fiance is) and i’m gonna be super supportive tomorrow and and through the weekend because it IS her bachelorette trip and her wedding, things should be about her.

at the same time. though i know i should let go of some of my resentments, i do think my GENERAL frustration with her acting … demanding and wanting everyone to do everything her way is valid. and i don’t know how i’m going to deal in the future.

but i recognize that i chose a really dumb thing to get angry about, as it represented a larger issue. i feel sick to my stomach and guilty but also like…. i don’t know how mych longer I can keep doing this with her. maybe neither of us is totally right or totally wrong and we just simply do not have lives or personalities that mesh well

[slozhnos]

callbacks otherwise known as one of the most stressful times in life

[takamoris]

Oh man. THAT’s what his voice sounds like???

[tennessoui]

You have to have water fic titles because you're drowning in wips, huh?

:0

(On one hand i personally found this very funny and I did do a little huff huff of genuine laughter—)

(On the other hand I did do a little quick calculation, and over the 2 years I’ve been writing in this niche of a fandom, I’ve published 60 fanfictions on ao3 and of that 60, 48 have been completed, which leaves me with 12 work in progress fics on ao3—OUT OF 60!!!!!! 12 fics out of 60 that are works in progress !!!!!

12 !!!!! Out of!!!!! 60!!!!!!!!!!)

[johndonneswife]

[m0onjellies]

I have a week and a half of finals left and I am not making it through y’all 🙏

[chanstopher]

guys my birthday is in a few days i’m soooo pumped 😭

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

[e77y]

Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

[rosicheeks]

Congrats on getting out of bed and getting to see some nature today! 👏 👏 I hope it helped some!

[livingecho-arch]

me wifi died while writing out my bloodborn verse so here is this doodle of choir vissarion holding a kin & singing it this lullaby ( which the doll used to hum before being patched out for some reason ) !

[dahldahlbills]

nano day 6

total count: 2756; 2212!!! towards main wip, 544 towards fic

finished scene 4!!! Wasn’t expecting that esp bc I was extremely reluctant to write it. It started off strong, then got away from me for a bit, but I think I wrapped it up okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m just happy I broke 2k today, it feels extremely rewarding B-)

was hoping to get more fic writing done today but alas… maybe tomorrow

[akkivee]

seeing first reactions about the stage and what has me kinda like 👀👀👀

the ameyume is strong in this play (my time has come)

mtc has a much weaker presence in this play compared to fp but their scenes come with impact

like we get a new juto solo that compares to his track 4 number that i only think about a normal amount hahaha

yasui-san’s ramuda portrayal absolutely blows it out of the park

nemu’s presence was Felt in the play and yet we still do not have a stage nemu 😔✊

the audience screaming when certain numbers hit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭