#i’m trying hard not to self harm & i miss being kissed

[eunseoksimp]

Coming Down ; Jung Sungchan

Pairings: Bf!Sungchan x Gf!Reader

Genre: angst, infidelity

Description: explores the theme of addiction and it’s effects on relationships. the internal conflict of a man caught between the allure of a hedonistic lifestyle, and the genuine love he has for his girlfriend.

Warnings: sexual content, use of swear words, misuse of drugs and alcohol, addiction, self harm, depression, manipulation (not done on purpose), death

inspired by the song coming down by the weekend.

‘i love you.’

or so jung sungchan claimed. it was getting harder and harder to believe the words he uttered from his lips.

‘i’m sorry. i’m trying.’

you heard those words often.

sighing, you pushed his hands away from your waist, disgusted as you hand him back the bouquet of flowers he gave you.

‘i’m sick of it,’ using the pads of your fingers to rub circles on your temple, the impending headache encroaching on you.

‘please baby, i’m so stupid i know. let me try again hmm. please,’ his eyes were bright red, tears streaming down his face as he sank to his knees.

you were sure if this was maybe a couple of months ago that you would have accepted him with open arms, kissing his tears away and telling him that everything was alright.

but it was all becoming a bit too much for you and there was only so much disrespect you could take. sungchan had cheated on you again. but he wasn’t always like this.

no, your heart always yearned for the sungchan you first met, the sweet one who treated you like a princess, who cared for you and made you feel like the only girl in the world.

yet, as captain of the university’s basketball team, tall, broad shoulders and the most delicious set of arms on him, the probability of him being completely overlooked was virtually impossible.

you were willing to work through that; you weren’t insecure in the slightest and you trusted your boyfriend.

why wouldn’t you when he would show you off after games, his arms permanently around your waist as he paraded you around like his prized gift.

but soon the basketball team won more and more tournaments, acquiring more fame and a insurmountable amount of fangirls.

still, sungchan would reassure you that nothing would change.

jung sungchan told you that he loved you. you were stupid to believe him.

you remember the first time it happened. their team had just won the qualifiers and making it into the winter cup.

to celebrate, they had decided to go to the club, a whole section to them.

you weren’t the biggest fan of partying or alcohol, but you didn’t want your boyfriend to be the only one to miss out.

so you tagged along, staying as close to sungchan as possible.

over time you felt distance between you and him, both physically and metaphorically as girls crowded him, drinks being handed to him like it was water and the huge amounts of pressure from everyone around him to chug the liquor.

you felt sick to your stomach, and decided you didn’t want to make a big scene, not when it was their big night.

so you excused yourself, finding solace in the cold night air, hugging your arms around your waist as you wished to be in your bed.

you texted your boyfriend, letting him know how you felt, that you wanted him to come so you could both leave.

it was demoralising; like he didn’t even notice your absence and your chest tightened.

sungchan had been having a hard time lately and you could tell.

there was stress dumped upon him, from his overbearing parents, to his teammates, scouts from the national basketball team, all whilst having to get good grades.

you tried your hardest to be an understanding girlfriend, but you felt yourself reaching your limit tonight.

pushing off of the wall you were leaning on, growing frustrated, you head back inside, deciding you were going home tonight, with or without him.

and you were met with the sight of another girl on his lap, his hands around her waist as she put some sort of pill on her tongue, grabbing his chin and pulling him closer till their tongues connected.

your mouth was agape, frozen in your spot and you felt wonbin, his teammate, hold your wrist and attempt to drag you away from the scene.

‘i thought you left,’ he told you, shifting his weight from one foot to another, playing with his fingers as if he was the one caught cheating.

‘what- i don’t even- what the fuck was that?’ you were still at a loss of words, finding it hard to believe that it was your boyfriend you were seeing.

‘he’s never done this before i swear. i don’t know what’s gotten in to him. you know how it is, the girls finding out he’s the captain of a basketball team and suddenly they’re all surrounding him,’ he was rambling, clearly trying to make sense of what you saw.

‘i’m sorry you had to see that. you must be shocked,’ it made you more enraged that wonbin was the one apologising for his actions.

snatching the necklace off of your neck that he had just given you two weeks ago, you placed it in wonbin’s palm, also removing the bracelet he bought for you after their latest victory.

‘tell jung sungchan that he’s dead to me,’ you were beginning to walk away, wonbin trying everyhting he could to stop you, but you were so mad that you shoved him with all of your might, storming away.

you were so numb that you couldn’t even cry that night, just staring at the ceiling, hugging your pillow close to your chest.

it was when the morning came that the sadness washed over you like a wave, curling up into a ball as sobs racked your body.

it was hard to comprehend why he would do such a thing. was it the increase in female attention? or maybe because you weren’t fun enough for him?

your father did not have the best relationship with alcohol, and after seeing the way it ruined your family, you swore sobriety.

maybe sungchan didn’t like that, maybe he needed someone more exciting, something more alluring.

hearing banging on your door startled you, the noise getting increasingly higher and you weren’t sure who it could be.

getting out of bed you headed towards your door, seeing the figure of sungchan through the peephole.

you wanted to ignore him, but took pity when you saw the state of him.

bloodshot eyes, his shirt wrinkled, hair messy and he had on two completely different pairs of shoes.

‘baby,’ he lets out a shaky exhale as soon as you are face to face.

‘i’m an idiot. more than that actually. i hate myself. i hate what i did to you.’

‘did you sleep with her?’ you knew his answer could potentially destroy you, but you needed to know.

‘i- i,’ he gulped, a thin layer of sweat forming on his forehead.

that was all you needed.

‘get out,’ your voice was hoarse, already opening the door.

‘i can’t- please look at me- fuck. i can’t do this without you, i know i messed up,’ he was rambling, looking for any reason to get you to listen to him, to hear him out.

‘jung sungchan, you have five seconds to get out of my apartment before i call security,’ your voice was firm, mustering up all the courage you could get.

but he shook his head, stalking towards you, making you back up, until you came in contact with the cold tiling of your kitchen island.

‘i think i’ll hurt myself if you leave me. i can’t live without you,’ you saw a facial expression you had never seen before and you had to admit you were scared.

‘you can’t say that,’ you felt bile rise to your throat, hands now shaking. it could have been empty words, but the weight of them alone, paired with the fact that sungchan did not look like he was joking, was enough to strike fear in your heart.

‘you’re too good for me, i know. just give me a chance to make it up to you,’ he begged, his hand rubbing up the sides of your waist.

shaking your head, you pulled him off, but he was much stronger than you, hands going back to where they were.

‘sungchan get away from me,’ you weren’t sure if he could even hear you, words so quiet that it came out as a whisper.

‘i thought you said you loved me? why are you trying to leave me?’

‘you- you cheated on me. i can’t forgive it.’

‘yes you can. i know you can. you’re my good girl, of course you can,’ his lips were by your ear and you shivered, your eyes shut.

‘let me love you baby. show you how sorry i am.’

you were too weak, intoxicated by his sweet words as he scooped you into his arm swiftly, leading you towards the bedroom.

he fucked you like he was addicted to you, strong arms pinning you down as he stared deep into your soul, desperately trying to prove himself to you through the act of making love.

he was overstimulated, his cock buried deep inside of you as he forced himself to rock in and out of you, until you were begging him to stop.

he needed to prove to you that it was a mistake, that it was only you, your body that he craved.

he was overwhelmed, shrouded in pleasure but he forced himself to keep his eyes open so he could watch you. so he could make sure his girl was having fun.

‘i love you, so so much. i love you, i need you,’ he chanted, over and over again, the grip on your waist so tight as if he couldn’t bear to let you go, even for a second.

it wasn’t until you used the little strength that you had to claw at his lower stomach, your orgasm crashing down on you so intensely that you felt your eyes roll to the back of your head, that he finally pulled out.

‘i love you my sweet girl. let me make it up to you,’ he whispered into your ear, his hair tickling your neck and arms wrapping around your waist.

so you took him back. it was a dumb decision, and looking back at things, you had nobody to blame but yourself.

sungchan did so well at first, ditching his teammates and all of their partying to hang out with you, following you around everywhere you went like a lost puppy.

he was trying his hardest to get in your good graces.

but after two weeks you could tell he was starting to miss going out with his friends and he seemed more on edge than usual.

he hated taking his anger out on you, so when he was frustrated he would opt for silence, but his face would always express his emotions well.

‘spit it out babe,’ you told him as you watched him twirl the same piece of spaghetti around his fork.

‘it’s eunseok’s birthday and he’s celebrating in the club. i know you don’t like me going there though.’

‘you’re free to do what you want sungchan, i just don’t want a repeat of last time that’s all. you should enjoy your friends birthday,’ you stood up, taking your dish to the sink to wash.

sungchan ran up behind you, clearly happy, arms snaking around your waist as he rocks you both.

‘i’ll be on my best behaviour of course.’

lies. you should have known. you faintly remember seeing someone’s contact information light up your screen, but your were too engrossed in your show to check.

the streaks of light from behind your curtain woke you up the next day, and you moved to check the time.

a frown set on your face when you saw a bunch of messages, all from close friends, but the one from sungchan caught your eye the most.

i’ve been bad again. please help me.

sent 5 hours ago.

your stomach churned, hoping that the worst had not occurred. it was just a text, but it was like he was right in front of you, desperation dripping from his very being.

with shaky hands you pressed on his contact number, calling him.

it only took two rings for him to answer, the first thing he said was your name with a sob.

‘sungchan? what happened… please tell me you’re okay,’ you begun to get worried, hearing the way he was hyperventilating on the other side of the phone, please help me’s escaping his lips every so often.

‘it was all- it was just too much and it was making me nervous, so i took them.’

‘i took them and it made me feel so good… and-and warm, so i had some drinks too and i got so lost in it and fuck,’ he whimpered, finding it harder to speak with the burning in his throat from holding back his cries.

‘breathe for me baby, just take a deep breath, can you do that?’ your voice soft, hoping to provide some sort of comfort for him.

there was silence for a while, and you assumed he was listening to you, every so often hearing the patterns of an inhale and exhale.

‘can i come over?’

within the hour he was at your doorstep, flowers in hand and you knew that your fears had come true.

‘sungchan…’ you trailed off, unsure of what to say.

it was obvious he was struggling, the allure of remaining in self-destructive patterns something he was battling with.

it was becoming a habit; when he was caught up in the alcohol and the drugs he would hurt you.

but when he would come down from his high, in moments of vulnerability and clarity, he would express his genuine love for you, expressing how sorry he was and how it didn’t mean anything.

and like a fool you forgave him time and time again.

he loved you, but only when he was sober. when he was high he would forget about everything he felt.

it wasn’t the first time he had done it and deep down you knew it wouldn’t be the last.

the use of substances became a coping mechanism, a solution and a distraction from the real world and all of its problems.

he knew the negative impact it was having on your relationship, the flower shop lady knowing him by name due to how frequently he would buy bouquets to apologise.

there were many moments you wanted to end everything. it was starting to take a huge toll on your mental health, you were becoming more insecure, more paranoid.

you couldn’t feel at peace, every night he went out you lay awake, already aware of your fate.

but sungchan heavily depended on you to overcome his addiction. he craved your love and support, knowing you were the only thing still holding him together.

it was important for him to have a good support system with him to help him overcome it.

you just weren’t sure if it could be you anymore.

A cycle of indulgence and then regret, leading him to divulge his deep need and desire for you.but everyone has their breaking points.

you had lost count of how many times he had been unfaithful, and tonight was another one of those nights.

you sat with your back against your headboard as you looked up to the ceiling.

sticking to tradition sungchan sat at the foot of your bed, a look of remorse on his face.

‘please don’t leave me. i’m trying,’ he whispered, biting his lip to stop the tears.

‘i don’t know if i can do it,’ you were physically and mentally exhausted, starting to become numb to the pain.

‘i love you,’ he held your hands in his, kissing your knuckles and nuzzling his head into your neck.

you didn’t move to play with his hair like you usually did, or wrap your arms around him to pull you closer.

he took matters into his own hands, placing your hand on top of his hair, manually digging your nails into his scalp.

‘why do you keep doing this to me then? if you really love me?’ you spoke up after a while, your voice cracking as you felt a lump form in your throat.

over the past few months you had lost a countless amount of friends, all begging you to leave sungchan, that he wasn’t good for you.

you would tell them how they didn’t know him like you did, defending his behaviour, and eventually they got worn out from speaking about the same thing.

watching you ditch their outings to answer the phone to an intoxicated sungchan. missing important dates because he needed you.

you weren’t sure how much longer you could continue.

‘you’re mine, that’s why. no matter what happens you won’t leave me, you’re my good girl and you love me like i love you.’

but you weren’t sure if what you were feeling was love anymore.

a couple days later you prepared your mind for what was going to come.

the basketball team were celebrating yet again and you just knew sungchan would fuck up. like he always did.

when you saw the call coming from wonbin you weren’t even fazed, putting down the book you were reading to answer him.

‘he’s done it again, hasn’t he?’ you didn’t bother with pleasantries, wanting to get the whole ordeal over with.

the conversations would always be the same, worry and pity evident in wonbin’s voice, making small talk about your classes, or some new show that had come out.

all of this just to soften the blow of what would follow; jung sungchan has been unfaithful again.

it was silent for a couple of seconds, affirming your suspicions and you just sighed.

‘the pressure is getting worse i think. i tried my hardest to keep him away from the alcohol but of course eunseok had to be the one buying the rounds today.’

as insensitive as it sounded, you were starting to care less for the excuses that would be fed to you for sungchan’s behaviour.

wonbin was one of the only guys on the team who you spoke to, the both of you being somewhat friends.

since you hated parties and couldn’t exactly stop sungchan from going to them, you always asked wonbin to keep an eye on him.

there were many times you would get calls from him. he told you that he would rather you found out from him than an instagram story of the night, or gossiping from other people.

‘tell him to come see me tomorrow,’ you told wonbin, deciding once and for all that this would be it..

‘i’m so sorry about this, i know it must hurt but he’s not doing it to be evil. have a good night.’ and then the phone cut.

that night you lay awake all night, pondering on the status of your relationship.

it was obvious that sungchan was struggling, that he needed some help, but you weren’t sure if you were able to be that for him any longer.

inflicting pain on yourself was becoming a habit now. you couldn’t take out your anger or even your frustrations on sungchan, not when he was suffering in his own way.

so you opted to taking it out on yourself, the cold blade becoming accustomed to your warm skin.

it felt like you were constantly underwater, drowning, left completely breathless as you struggled to swim to the surface.

you were hurting too.

the next morning arrived, and the rapid banging on your front door was a tell tale sign that sungchan was on the other side of it.

dragging yourself out of bed, you took a deep breathe, hoping to remain strong in your decision.

you were breaking up with him today.

‘i fucked up again,’ sungchan confessed as soon as the door was open.

‘i know,’ you said, moving aside so he could come in.

‘don’t bother with the flowers, this won’t be long,’ your harsh tone shocked him and he frowned.

‘i won’t let you hurt me again sungchan. i don’t think we should continue our relationship,’ his face dropped, genuine fear flashing over his feautures as his legs gave out and he dropped to his knees.

‘i’m sorry, i’m such a fuck up i know. i never mean to hurt you- i swear- it’s just- fuck i don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ a flood of tears flowed down his ashen cheeks, small whimpers escaping his lips.

‘please don’t go. i’ll do better,’ he crawled over to your knees, making you flinch as you take a step back.

‘don’t do this to me. please.’

‘baby please. she didn’t mean anything,’ he had successfully managed to hook his arms around your calves.

‘oh really? and what about the girls before her,’ anger was beginning to take over you, all your pent up frustration being unleashed onto him.

his head hung in shame, sniffling as he tried to wipe his eyes, but the tears came anyway.

‘i’m done sungchan. i’m sick of waiting around for you to treat me better.’

‘you can’t manipulate me anymore.’

‘but-‘

‘yes even if you threaten to kill yourself. i don’t believe you anyway’ it wasn’t the first time he hung his unstable mental state over you, like a noose that forced you to stay with him.

you didn’t mean your words, not really, but you just didn’t want him to try and convince you to stay.

not when you were slowly decaying.

‘if i don’t have you, i have nothing left to live for. i know i’ve been bad but please forgive me,’ sungchan was practically lying at your feet, sobbing on the ground like his entire world had been ripped out of his hands.

in a way it had.

if this was the first couple of instances, it was likely you would have taken him back, apologised for your harsh words and let him fuck you as an apology.

not this time.

‘should have thought about that before you disrespected me.’

crouching down to his slumped body, you lifted his head into your hands, kissing his cheek.

‘i’m hurting too sungchan, i know a part of you feels bad. but i can’t do this anymore sungchan, i’m hurting too.’

he shook his head profusely, trying all that he could to convince you otherwise but you just wouldn’t budge.

‘i love you, i mean it with every fiber of my being, it’s true. i know i’m a fuck up, i know i’m not worthy of being with you. i-i- i’m really trying to stay away from it all, the drinking, the drugs, you have to believe me.’

you were witnessing a stark confession, sungchan laying bare his flaws and the cyclical nature of his actions.

‘i know it must suck, i hate that i’m making you so sad my pretty girl, you don’t deserve it,’ he acknowledged his wrongdoings and the pain he might be causing you.

‘you’re the only thing in my life that’s constant. you’re not pressuring me to do this or that, you’re not with me for your own benefit. that’s why i can’t let you go,’ he expressed a deep longing and need for you.

it was clear that there was an internal conflict going on inside of him, the struggle of dealing with the pressures of his life in unhealthy ways and the clarity that came soon after; he loved you and he needed you.

a raw and unfiltered yearning, a craving for connection and love.

but this would only be tied to his moments of sobriety. he had a pattern of neglect when caught up in his indulgent lifestyle.

how much longer could you take this?

‘i don’t love you,’ you lied, knowing it would hurt him.

‘i don’t love you. how could i love somebody who acts like this,’ you repeated.

‘do you mean it? you really don’t?’ he was in disbelief, his face paling and hands shaking.

‘i don’t.’

defeated, he picks himself off of the floor.

‘i’m sorry that i wasn’t a good boyfriend. don’t hate me too much,’ he looked back for the last time, an unrecognisable amount of sorrow reflected in his eyes before he left.

you thought nothing of it, crumbling to the floor, assuming the foetal position as you rocked yourself to sleep.

it was only the desperate banging on your door that woke you up, and you thought it was sungchan back again, ready to scold him.

but when you swung it open, you were met with an inconsolable wonbin, eunseok not far behind.they had never come to visit you before.

‘why are you guys here? what happened.’

as soon as you spoke he broke down again, shoulders rising as he buried his head in his hands, hiccups escaping his lips as he clung onto eunseok.

your heart was thumping in your chest, looking between the two boys who were clearly not in the right state to talk to you.

eunseok pulled out his phone, pushing his phone towards you. it was only when you read the text across the screen that you knew why they were acting like this.

in the moment you felt like your life was unreal, disconnected and floating outside of your body as you watched your now lifeless body crumble to the floor.

“young teen basketball star tragically found dead in his apartment.”

[idkwhatever580]

Clean

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Prompt: y/n is ten months clean!!!

Warnings: mentions of being clean but it’s very general

A/n: guys this is going up at exactly 11:06 my time because I am officially ten months self harm free at that time today!!!

Natasha walks in the room to see you making a TikTok and she stands there listening to the sound

It is the bridge for Taylor Swift’s song Clean

“Ten months sober I must admit, just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it. Ten months older I won’t give in, now that I’m clean I’m never gonna risk it!”

Nat smiles and says

“What’s that video for?”

You turn around with the brightest smile and say

“I’m ten months clean today!!!”

Nat keeps a straight face and you get sad when she turns out and walks away.

You think that she’d at least congratulate you. But she gave you nothing. Ten months is a big deal. It literally has felt like three years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is thirty minutes later and you’re still kind of bummed out that your own girlfriend, who is the queen of fighting for people to stay clean, didn’t even smile.

Suddenly she bursts into the room and you try to look away hiding your tears but her chirpy voice cuts through your sadness

“Detka look!”

You decide to refrain from looking and she softly steps towards you after setting something down and turns your head towards her.

Her eyes widen with worry when she sees your watery look and she immediately gets into protector mode

“Detka what happened? Did someone say something about the post? Did… don’t tell me something bad happened.”

You shake your head and wipe your tears and say

“No it was you!”

This clearly hit her hard and she says

“Wha- darling what do you mean?”

“You weren’t even happy that I am clean!”

She looks down into your eyes deeply and says

“Dorogoy, you are the most amazing thing that has happened to me. I am so so incredibly proud that you have achieved such a thing as this. Staying clean for this long means you can literally do anything.”

This makes you smile a bit.

“Now.. I don’t want you thinking I don’t care about you. I didn’t react when you originally told me because I immediately knew I had to go out and buy some things, with Tony’s card of course, to celebrate this achievement okay?”

You nod your head and perk up when she tells you she bought stuff for you. You love being spoiled by her. And she loves spoiling you.

She nods her head to the side to indicate that you should look over on the floor and you see a small slice of cake that looks like it would be perfect for two people and a little stuffy.

You look at her and say

“For me?”

She chuckles softly at your innocence and nods her head and you immediately run to grab it.

The little stuffy is an exact replica of your childhood stuffy but only a little smaller which makes you want to cry but you don’t because you’re too busy asking if you can have the cake.

“Can I eat the cake now?”

Nat laughs softly and says

“Of course. You can have it all”

You frown and shake your head and say

“No I wanna share it with you”

So you drag Natasha to the floor where the cake is sitting and you both eat it together laughing and sharing sneaky kisses with each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: I initially was going to keep it direct and talk about $h because that’s what I am clean of today but I decided that there are many things you can be clean/sober from and it should be general. I hope you liked it!!

Masterlist

Taglist

@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish @justarandomreaderxoxo @lovelyy-moonlight @symp4nat @ale-estrabao

Have a fluffy monster guy :)))

[jeon-ify]

that night- j. yunho : pt. 3

a/n: heyyyy girl did you miss me 😋 i know i know. after i reread the first 2 parts of this fic, im starting to feel like its already going NOWHERE. but!! i hope this part makes up for all the weirdness in the first couple of parts.

this chapter is a little short

warnings: mentions of self harm, mentions of sex (if you squint), drug use, swearing, use of the word ‘pookie’ only once, reader starts to second guess if she’s at fault

enjoy!

🤍🪩☁️

you watch your phone ding twice after you wipe your tears, processing the fact that yunho just walked into your apartment for the first time ever. you felt like none of it was real, that it was simply a blur that he came to your home, cried to you, kissed your forehead and promised he’d change.

yunho often kept his promise, thus leaving a feeling of confusion on your heart. you decide to ignore what your heart is telling you to do, and instead, listening to your brain:

you trusted him once before, and he fucked it up. don’t do that to yourself again, y/n

no matter how hard you try to ignore the messages on your phone from yunho’s support buddy, you can’t. what could mingi want at this hour?

y/n: hi, whats up?

*seen just now*

mingi.?: can i call you? i wanna talk to u ab smth rq

mingi.?: i stole ur number from yun

y/n: sure.?

as you respond to mingi, you wait a few seconds before mingi’s called ID pops up on your phone. the last thing you need right now is to talk about yunho— and if he calls for just that, you’d rather hang up and sit in silence as you literally haven’t even recovered from that entire show that just took place not even an hour ago.

“hello?” he speaks.

“hey, m-ming…mingi?” you try to pronounce his name, thinking you forgot his name, but he’s quick to confirm that you’d pronounced it right.

“yeah you said it right. how are you, y/n? how’s everything going?” you think he’s only starting small talk just to get to the topic of yunho.

“i could be better but for now i’m okay. how are you, mingi? what makes you call me at this hour?”

“if i’m being honest, i was going to ask you how you and yunho were putting up since i know he just got home from your place. he looked pretty fucked up, y/n.” you feel like he’s guilt tripping you, but you also feel like he’s part of the reason you got to see yunho tonight.

“we didn’t really talk much, he explained what happened that night and i know he regrets it— well, i like to believe he regrets it. plus, i really don’t know why it took him so long to reach out to me through san. because if he really wanted to reach out to me, he wouldn’t just send me pathetic ass texts and not have san call me.”

you and mingi both know that yunho’s texts were not pathetic. they— in fact— made your heart sink, and got you to seeing yunho, even though you didn’t want to be reminded of him, those texts are the reason you still saw him.

“i talked to him a couple years ago and we found each other at our lowest. we met at rehab— he was very much into popping pills and inflicting pain onto himself so i decided to help him out since we were going through the same thing. he had no place to stay, he sold his apartment because he owed that fucker san drug money. i took him into my apartment and i helped him build his credit score and save up to get his own place. he ended up buying a house bigger than mine. no matter what he does, he’s never really happy. i’ve known yunho long enough to know that he is not himself. listen, y/n. i’m not trying guilt trip you, but yunho really did love you. a lot of us do things we shouldn’t but that’s not an excuse. people fuck up, and you don’t have to forgive him, but give him the room to change in a way that shows how much he regrets doing that to you. i’m not saying you need to forgive him now or anything, but let your logic do it’s thing. goodnight, y/n. call me if anything changes.”

mingi hangs up the phone, leaving your head empty and full at the same time. so much happened today, and the last thing you needed was mingi unpacking everything to you.

yunho never mentioned that in his texts. since the both of you were together, yunho was too scared to touch a drug— that being part of the reason he never got along with san.

your pink nail polish is laid out on the floor in crumbles as you’ve picked it all off your nails. you think twice or three times over about how yunho was so broken over what he did to you. he’s the victim in his own story.

you are broken, but you didn’t feel like you were allowed to be hurt— though you have every right to be.

while you and yunho were together, you often refused sex when you got back from work, claiming that you were ‘too tired’ or ‘too busy’ to pay yunho any attention. you can’t remember the last date you had with yunho.

your thoughts cloud your brain as you slowly start to feel like you’re part of the reason he’d cheated on you.

“we hadn’t had sex in like 4 months so i started to believe it.”

“they said you don’t deserve someone like me.”

“they said you can’t handle me”

you walk over to your kitchen, grabbing your lighter and heading back to your balcony. as the night sky hugs your home, you start to mentally prepare yourself for the next few months. you’ve cancelled every lash booking you had for the next week and a half, not being in the right headspace for anything.

you pick up your phone, calling wooyoung.

“it’s 3 in the morning go back to sleep.” he groans. you caught him at the wrong time, hearing a female voice in the back moaning and breathing heavy.

“can you come over? i need you here.” you light your cigarette, the smoke clouding the air in front of you.

“i’m on my way.”

in almost 7 minutes, your best friend is sitting right by you, throwing the cigarette off the balcony. he notices how your nose and eyes are puffy from crying, how your gaze is absent. he puts his lazy hand around your shoulders, pulling you to lean on his own.

“i’m guessing it didn’t go well?” he asks, his baggy flannel smells like comfort, making your eyes well up in tears, in appreciation for your best friend.

“i’m sorry, wooyoung. i keep crying to you. i’m just so overwhelmed and so much shit is unfolding tonight, i just wanna run away from everything bro.” you sniffle into his chest, his hand rubbing on the small of your back.

“hey, it’s okay. it’s okay to cry. talk to me when you’re ready. i’m here to listen, babes.” he rubs and shushes you, as you relax against his hands.

“we talked about what happened that night and how it happened. he said he just didn’t feel like i wanted him anymore and because we didn’t have sex in like 4 months he started to believe what sara and maya were saying.”

“what were they saying?”

“they were saying shit like i didn’t deserve someone like him and that i was stupid to believe i could have someone like him. then when he left he kissed my forehead and walked out and that just was the cherry on top.”

“shit, y/n. i’m sorry.” he stops rubbing your back as you sit up facing him. he brings his hand up to wipe your tears and fix your hair.

“what else, babe?”

“then like an hour after he left, mingi texted me and when i saw it he asked to call. then i said yeah and called me and he told me how yunho was coping when we split. he said he got into drugs and started doing self harm and shit, he sold his apartment cus he owed san money for drugs and he had to get into rehab for it all. he told me how yunho regrets everything but i don’t know, woo. what do i do?” you breathe. you don’t wanna keep crying, but it’s all you can do.

“how’d you feel after the talk with yunho?” he questions.

“i don’t know. i just feel like i wanna give him room to change cus i feel like he would. but then again, he cheated once and he literally said he wanted to leave but i was holding him back from doing what he wanted. i feel like a burden on him even when we’re not together anymore. and i don’t wanna have to go through that again.”

“first of all, you’re the victim. i don’t know why mingi is making it seem like you’re to blame. second of all, i’m not gonna tell you what you should do. all i will say, is that you need hella time to figure it out. listen to your brain, y/n. not your heart. your heart will tell you to do things impulsively, it’s why your brain is up here, and your heart is right under it. your brain will lead you to do the most logical thing and what’s best for you. ’ll support you, no matter what choice you make. but please make the right one.” he kisses your temple, bringing you back to lean on him again.

“woo,”

“yes, y/n.”

“i don’t know what the fuck i’d do if i lost you.”

“you interrupted the best fuck of my life, but i forgive you. don’t let it happen again.”

you laugh, following wooyoung’s giggle.

“i love you pookie”

“i love you, y/n. do you want me to stay the night?” he watches the stars twinkle and dance, taking in the feeling of his best friend in need, and him being the only person who could make you feel at ease— something he would never take for granted.

“please.”

wooyoung giggles lightly as the both of you stand up to head to bed, falling asleep much easier than the night before.

—————————————————————————————

hello!! wooyoung is so cute ☹️

taglist: @bbae98 @haohaoshoe @k-hotchoisan @stolasisyourparent @atinytiny @isiloiale @kpophosblog @nakiiko @certifiedmoa @aaniag @yunnieo @chosoteta @xuchiya 🤍

[purgemarchlockdown]

New Apple

(Also Known as: Nott Broke, I am now writing the WKTD-Amane Cross Analysis. This is also the Trans Amane Momose Thesis)

(CWs: Cults, Child Abuse, Child Death, Body Horror, Homophobia, Transphobia.)

(Spoilers for We Know The Devil and Milgram.)

I am a unrepentant fan of the Visual Novel We Know The Devil. I love it dearly, I think it's one of the best Things ever made.

I am also a...fan, to say the least, of Amane Momose. I think about her every day. And as a result I've thought about these two things together a lot. I think there's a lot of thematically cohesion that can be derived from putting the two together.

Since this is Milgram Focused, I'm going to put an explanation for what the plot of WKTD is first before continuing.

WKTD is a 2015 VN about Three Bad Kids at a Christian Summer Camp who are sent to meet The Devil one day in a cabin in the woods. This game is about Queer Religious Horror and has great prose and you should play it-

Now, there are already comparisons that can be drawn to Amane's cult and the game's main premise, but let's discuss each of the three kids first.

No Prince For The Princesses

Starting with Jupiter. Jupiter is the tomboyish good kid of the bunch or, more accurately, tries her best to be the good kid to minimal success.

Laughing off a head injury isn't all that Jupiter's good at; she has the best grades in class, and coaches make her starter on whatever team has the most pressing need for someone who can do sports. She's a perfect role model, except for how she always misses the winning goal and she always blanks on the last question. She leads when no one else wants to, which is always.

Jupiter can keep up until right when it matters the most. It's here where I mention Jupiter snaps a hairband against her wrist, a common tactic used as an alternative to self-harm.

Her place in the dysfunctional group of problem kids becoming clear as her issues with being the perfect good kid and her immense self-hate and loathing start to seep through. Jupiter struggles under this weight of expectations and pleasing others but tries to pretend she an:

Neptune: ascetic monk at not giving a shit.

To her own detriment, she hangs out with the Worst Group in the Camp of Worst Kids just so she can get them to stay away from her. If they just like her enough then they won't bother her. Even if she personally dislikes them and how they act.

Not that she...enjoys acting like this. She's disgusted by the idea of the Counselor liking her. Because:

Jupiter: He likes people he can make a little uncomfortable and won't give any trouble about it.

Though as Venus says, that's exactly why he likes their group.

Jupiter is someone who's resigned to reality being like this. To being considered a bad kid even though she tried so hard. Sure it's unfair and people have tried a lot less than her but:

Jupiter: You can still get better at this, if you try, you know?

Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!

Anyway, Jupiter Kisses Girls. She Likes Women. She's a Lesbian. She has a Seven Minutes in Heaven Scene with Neptune where they Kiss-

That kiss having a lot of relevance to how (specifically) a t1 Amane attempts to approach certain taboo ideas and concepts.

Jupiter: It's not real if we don't say it out loud, right?

Amane tends to talk around things in T1. It's not immediately noticeable but it's prevalent in a lot of her speak. Specifically when taboo ideas come into play. Instead of saying anything directly she talks around it.

(Apostle and Death)

Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour.

This is my favorite example, as Amane is just calling her parents unkind here. But, Amane isn't really good at talking around things. In the same VD, when faced with the knoweldge that she's being underestimated she immdieatly talks about her genuine feelings about being treated like a child, and being talked down to because of it. Being very forward and open about her own emotions.

Outside of that we have instances of her showing interest in things that are believed to be taboo, or at least in things discouraged by her community.

(20/06/27, Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding. Amane: ………… ……cake……

She even disrespects the blue flag in Purge March, the flag representing "discarding vulgarity"

Considering both how a lot of the generally aesthetics of Magic and Purge March seem to be considered frivolous. And her being forbidden to go to an amusement park.

T1Q5:When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride? A: That is a place I should not go to.

I think we can infer that these things are consider vulgar and wanting them anyway. She wants something outside of what she has. Something that she tries to Hide in her interrogations. (Interrogations)

T1Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

T1Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

(Put a pin in these interros, we are Going to come back to them.)

It's wrong to want such a thing, she knows this well. That's why she doesn't say it out loud. It's not real until she does. No one can punish her for it if she doesn't say anything.

Except...they Do. Same with Jupiter, people who didn't try as hard to get into the "proper, good girl" summer scouts got in when Jupiter didn't. Amane studies so hard and yet she only gets a 83% when Kotoko is tutoring her.

(20/06/18)

Kotoko: There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

She just blanks at the last question.

Misses the winning goal.

Something about Her is...inherently holding them back from this illustrious standard of being a good girl. It's just, impossible for her to be one. She knows this herself.

Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl

And even though she tries, she Can't do anything to change that. In the same way that no matter how hard Jupiter tries, people instinctively understand that she's something Other somehow. The both of them being harmed over and over again in an attempt to live up to ideals that they will...never be able to live up to.

The system of We Know The Devil works like this, you choose two kids and leave one behind each hour. Leave one behind enough and they become the devil. The worst kid out of all of them.

Jupiter does her best but her best is never going to be enough. So if she gets excluded enough times...

Even the best kid has the devil inside her.

Jupiter wants to touch, to hit, to pull.

Venus: I wish I could be meaner. I wish I could be so much meaner.

She's never going to be able to make up for this incessant greedy Want.

Her hairband snaps here, she can't keep the devil away for much longer, and she knows it.

Jupiter: You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good… Jupiter: But then they said we don’t believe that anymore and it’s only what’s in your heart that matters. Jupiter: Just when I think I got it right, they changed it. Jupiter: I can try hard, but I think… Jupiter: God knows my heart isn’t really in it. And that was my only shot, right?

Amane considers love a showcase of mercy,

T2Q9: What does love mean to you? A: To spread mercy with no limits.

And considers her punishments love.

T2Q2: Do you believe you were loved? A: Very much deeply.

I suppose when you think about it, trying to beat the devil out of someone is mercy.

But, you can't really do anything about it if someone does want the devil.

Jupiter: It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much.

In each color ending, the devil gets destroyed. The devil only getting one moment for whatever they wanted.

For revenge, for love, for "please take me back."

One Singular Moment to live as they are before having it burnt out of them.

...Someone had to have opened that door at the end of Purge March

(Milgram T1 Glitched Character Voicelines)

Amane: Ahh! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry...! I'm sorry for breaking the rules!

Lukewarm, I Spit You Out

We have more bad kids to go through, so let's talk Neptune.

Neptune is, to be blunt, a self-proclaimed bitch. She doesn't act like she's supposed to belong her which is exactly why she belongs here. She uses profanities, sneaks alcohol into the camp, and the summary of this game calls her a mean girl. Though this meanness of hers betrays a certain amount of care and worry for her group, or, at least they like to think of it that way:

Neptune is very kind or possibly super mean and hates us. But that's okay. She's really funny.

This kindness of hers comes out in many ways. She's concerned for Jupiter, trying to get her to actually give a shit about herself, especially when she does so much work.

Neptune: I mean like, aren't you doing fine? Neptune: Aren't you trying harder than literally everyone else here? Neptune: You're so chill about everyone's bullshit it makes me so mad and then you won't extend even the slightest of that chill to yourself and that makes me EVEN SO MADDER. Neptune: Can't you just be a little less…good?

And wants Venus to get out of his egg, to let himself be a bit of a bitch, and stop apologizing for himself when he is doing nothing wrong.

Neptune: Wait, I got it. I dare you to not say sorry for the rest of the night. Jupiter: Oh my god. Venus: I can do that! Jupiter: …can he though? Neptune: No it's perfect. Neptune: It'll fix something annoying, and this will make everyone's life easier, and all of us win. Venus: Is it really annoying? Neptune: You shouldn't have to apologize for things you don't need to apologize for.

Neptune deeply cares about the people around her, it just comes out as harsh words and actions. She wants to make Jupiter's life a living hell so that she's forced to say that it hurts.

Neptune: People are supposed to get hurt by things. It's fucked up to not. It's not good for you.

Though, as Venus calls out, the way Neptune acts doesn't fully come from self-confidence.

Venus: ...your problem Neptune is. Venus: You think being mean is more honest. Venus: But you're just as bad as Jupiter. Venus: And me.

Neptune, like the other two, deeply hates herself. Like Jupiter she has a consistent "tell" that shows she's the devil. She throws up this black ichor-like substance. Poison really. The only thing she can say. She's a bad kid through and through.

Now, Amane is self-proclaimed annoying.

Es: Regardless of whether you’re a child or an adult… you are beyond annoying. Amane: Oh, my. I am honored by your praise. Es: As I said. Amane: (giggles)

She takes Real Pride in being, a little shit to people.

20/06/03

Fuuta: ……huh? What’s your problem? You’re just leaving all your meat? What a weird kid. Amane: You say that, but you’re not eating all of your food either. ……are you not able to eat your vegetables? Even though you’re an adult. Fuuta: Huh, what, so you’re just eating grass? What are you, a rabbit or something? Since you’re just a brat, you should be eating your meat properly. You won’t grow if you don’t. Amane: ……you make some really funny jokes, don’t you, Fuuta-san.

This behavior is mostly present in T1, mostly cause T1 is Amane's testing period. She's trying to see what she can get away with. These behaviors disappearing by T2 because she learns that she can't get away with much. Introducing us to a less playful, more angry and genuinely despairing Amane. (Of Blessedness and Punishment)

Amane: This is unforgivable! I won’t forgive you! (screams)

That isn't to say Amane doesn't genuinely want to help out though, even with her more aggressive attitude. In fact she goes out of her way to "help" Fuuta and responds to Yuno's questions and worries honestly and patiently.

(23/06/27, Amane’s Birthday)

Yuno: By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that. Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Amane is kind, genuinely so. She helps the cat, she tries her best to "guide" people back to the better path. The problem is, is that her want to help gets tied up in her community and her worldview. Causing more harm than she would like, it's almost like she can only spit out doctrine when that isn't the case.

Amane: Hm. Is that so? Are the prisoners who weren’t forgiven feeling lost right now? Maybe they need our faith as well.

Outside of that, Amane is rather opinionated, she tries to keep it down but it seeps out anyway. She's expressed numerous times her frustration with being treated like a child (ie: being treated like she has no rights of her own.) And expresses that openly and bluntly.

(20/06/13)

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san.I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?

It's easy to call her annoying or petulant for this, especially when Shidou (seemingly) is just concerned for how how a child is in prison of murders. And again she Does act annoying on purpose.

But Shidou is being actively patronizing and forcing his view of Amane Onto her. When Amane rebukes this, instead of apologizing or reevaluating he dismisses what she says. Something that deeply frustrates her.

Neptune: I'm an evil bad slut right? I'm a bitch and a flirt. Neptune: I'm a bitch because I let people know when they walk over me. Neptune: I'm a flirt because boys keep talking at me. Neptune: And this is somehow my problem, because they can't get over themselves and leave me alone? Neptune: How is that fair? Why should I get hurt by that? It makes me so mad! Neptune: Why would I be anything but MAD about all this stupid obnoxious BULLSHIT.

You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?

Amane cares a lot about being treated Properly, about the people around her being treated Properly. She can't really...accept injustice. She broke one of her cult's doctrines because she wanted wrap up what was probably a Small Wound at worst judging by the state of the cat. She's not going to waver just because the people around her believe otherwise.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either……

Amane believes in the idea that people can get better, and wants to see people get better even if she can't. She's going to help even if she has to be Violent to do so.

Neptune: You asked me to come out. So I'm coming out. The door opens and it's her but it's not her She grabs Venus and crushes him against the wall like he's a little doll.

Amane: Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

When Neptune's the devil she forcibly tries to turn the other two kids into the devil alongside with her. She knows this whole situation is a nightmare and wants to force the two into accepting who they really are, even if it meant hurting them.

Why should they be the ones to suffer when their trying so hard to be good? Why should they be suffering when they already ARE good?

Neptune: Doesn't it feel unfair? You're already good, so why do you have to try so hard to be good? It makes me mad. They want you to prove you're good. But you're already so good. What is that? Why do they do that?

We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged

Why does She need to prove that she's righteous when the people around her can break the same rules she does and get away with no consequences?

I don’t need it any more, if you’re going to break your vow Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart

It's just so Unfair. Why is she the one getting hurt for no good reason? Why was the cat the one who got hurt for something that wasn't even its fault? It's just not right. None of this is right.

Neptune: Does that kid look happy to you? Well I guess we have different opinions and you will have to stop me from making him into what he is trying very hard not to be.

Help Me God, I'm In Love

We have one more kid to go through.

Venus is known for being very much a doormat, and very easy to push around. A small detail when their sitting down to listen to the Bonfire Captain's story is that Venus tries his best not to take up space.

Venus sits with his legs crossed, taking up as little space as he can, which is at most not very much.

And As mentioned before he constantly apologizes for himself, even when it isn't even his fault. That dare Neptune gives him? He immdieatly fails it, the sorry is an instinct, he does it automatically.

Though even then, Venus is known to be...a bit of a little shit. Maybe even quite Mean. He has a bite to his words and can be extremely judgemental. Not that he seems to notice .

Jupiter: Do you think he notices how much of a jerk he is sometimes? Neptune: I wish.

Amane: An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

(I Love how Amane implies that she thought Mikoto was too boring to be an artist. Incredible.)

Not only that but he's strongly opinionated, often surprising the people around him with them and how pointed and critical he can be. The people around him being so used to how shy and docile he seems.

Jupiter: Why not you. You're safe. You're like a puppy. You're harmless. Venus: …did you lose your nerve? Jupiter: Except when you talk.

He doesn't mean to be mean on purpose, he doesn't even like being mean, but it just comes out of him. He can't stop himself. He's so angry and bitter about certain things that his real feelings bleed out of him.

Neptune: Wow Venus I'm ALMOST impressed. Neptune: You are, deep down, kind of a little shit. Venus: I didn't mean it in a mean way. I wasn't teasing. Neptune: That's so much worse, Venus. Venus: I guess I just don't get it? Venus: I don't like being mean and I don't want to be mean so I try really hard not to be mean. Venus: I don't get any of the 'just kidding' because it's not just kidding.

But Venus is easy to pick on, he smiles weirdly, he tries his best to avoid causing too much conflict, and the idea that Venus is "not like the other boys" get floated around pretty early depending on what interactions you chose, and Jupiter and Neptune discuss this their 10AM interaction:

Neptune: Are you seriously worried about him? Jupiter: Maybe. A little. Jupiter: He's weird. Not in a bad way, necessarily? Jupiter: But maybe in a bad way, possibly. Jupiter: Sometimes I don't even know what he is.

Jackalope: That isn’t even really Amane Momose anymore. You’ve awakened something much bigger.

There's something....different about Venus, like Jupiter and Neptune before him. Everyone can tell, and thus treats him differently for it but he's just not exactly sure what that...Is.

And it's so Frustrating.

Venus: …I don't know what's wrong with me.

Venus: But I can't. Not when it comes to this. Jupiter: What is "this"? Venus: Whatever they want out of me that's not fixing radios. Venus: To be tougher? To grow up? To-what's that?

He's jealous, so deeply jealous of Jupiter and Neptune and he doesn't even know why.

Venus: I'm mad about a lot of things I guess. Jupiter: Liar Jupiter: You're not mad. Jupiter: You're jealous. Jupiter: Why are you so jealous. Jupiter: It's flattering. But it's weird. Venus: I don't know.

Muu: ……hey, are you listening to me? What are you staring at……? Amane: I’m not staring at anything. Muu: Liar, you definitely are……

Amane: ……cake……

He wants...something from them, he doesn't know what but it's something important to him. Something that would make him feel like he's himself and not...whatever he is. It's not even like he necessarily minds being different. He doesn't even think he can be anything else.

Venus: I know I'm bad at getting anyone to like me and I'm weird and everyone else can deal even though I can't, but I can't. Venus: I'm just going to be like this. I'm not going to be any different. Jupiter: You're asking to get beat up. Venus: I don't care.

T2Q20: How do you feel about you not being like everyone else? A: Nevertheless I was born as myself, so I'm happy.

This deep want appears in Everything he does. Everything he does is to somehow get that Thing he Wants the Most. He can attribute it to something else but everyone can tell he wants Something.

Neptune: Venus, your problem is that you are very nice. But you want something. And you think being nice is going to give it to you. But it never will. And until you figure out what it is you want. Every kindness of yours will be full of that want.

Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world!

Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!

That isn't to say he Isn't afraid of being found out. Of having the kind of person he is being revealed. In a game of truth or dare he chooses dare because:

Venus: I mean, it's kinda like Jupiter said? Truth is embarrassing and dares could get you hurt. Getting hurt is way less scary.

But then the contradiction of this gets pointed out to him, people can be embarrassing with dares as well. It's easy to hurt and embarrass someone.

I've already mentioned that Amane hides...a lot, she tends to talk around things and use double meanings and what not. But she also doesn't want to seem frivolous or wasteful. She wants to stay seeming mature and smart and pure. Being immature is dangerous to her, another reason for people to view her as useless and weak. Another reason to get hurt.

She isn't that. She can prove it. She's not greedy or materialistic.

Venus: I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be that sort of person at all.

She doesn't want anything.

Venus: I want them within me and without me. All through and about me. I want feathers in my lungs and eyes on my skin. I want my heart to see and my lungs to fly.

Nothing at all.

T1Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

This is when I reveal Venus is Trans.

Venus is Trans! She uses She/Her, I've been using He/Him for her previously to reveal she's trans like how the VN reveals she's trans.

Venus wants to reveal the truth, to be seen as she is, to have:

That wing to see the truth and that eye to lay it bare.

She wants to be honest and live as herself. To really Be Her. When she becomes the devil she says it's nobody's fault but hers. She wants this. She wants this so much.

She's not doing it cause she was forced or coerced she did it cause she Wanted To. She wanted to do it so badly. She does it with such glee it's honestly terrifying. She killed out of hate and duty and Enjoyed It.

The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, to let it in.

And Amane Did.

Smoke and Honey

Amane Momose is undeniably monster-coded.

Jackalope: That isn’t even really Amane Momose anymore. You’ve awakened something much bigger.

Amane: Right now, I am both Amane Momose and I am not. I am speaking on behalf of our faith.

Amane: Yes. It is only natural for a person(/human) to apologize to another for breaking a promise. Es: … Amane: Why are you looking so doubtful? Are you not human?

This happy pinky promise hurts to break

There's so much to discuss that if I did do it in detail we would get so set off track very badly, but Amane Momose is Other. She's the Other, she's not human. She's never Been Human. Atleast not by the standards of her cult.

In the Milgram Cat Symbolism, Cats has been highly associated with sin. Yuno portrays her cat self as the most honest but also sinful version of herself. Kazui does the same. Amane being the cat, implicates her as a sinful force in the world. Something dangerous and terrifying that needs to be destroyed.

Amane Momose, somehow, is a threat to normal human existence (at least in the existence of the cult.) She's too opinionated, too dedicated, too Bad of a kid. Having her exist at all as she is, is a threat. She doesn't Want to stop being herself, she's supposed to want to stop. Humans aren't supposed to act like she acts. What if that stubbornness was directed at something against the cult?

Adults also hate perfect kids who love the world so much they can't stop themselves from saving it.

We Need to Destory The Devil No Matter What or Who it is. To choose someone to act as the scapegoat, the worst girl, the one kid too weird, too strange, too threatening.

What does Amane do? She's already a liability, just a child, useless and unhelpful. What if she was destructive? Better to teach her now to be better, right?

It's not like she isn't destructive, it's true. She does harm. Horrible harm actually. I completely understand wanting to restrain her for those reasons.

But, she had One Moment, and it was ripped away from her.

Jupiter: If I taste what it's like, I know, there's no way I'll be happy being human ever again.

I Wonder what else is left for her now.

[emotionalblkthottie]

happy hoelidays 💋🥂 (🌹they / them🌹)

[lokisprettygirl]

The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read chapter 39 here// Series Masterlist

Chapter 40

Summary : You spend a cute and sexy time with your boyfriend Loki. The conversation he shared with your father gets you worried out of your mind.

Warning : 18+, Heavy Daddy kink, Smut, Blowjob, Praise kink, Violence, Mentions of self harm, murderous thoughts, Mention of Suicide, Rape, abuse, sexual violence, Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, blackmail, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I’m (loki is) developing, short chapter

"Not so close, grab the centre of the length" he whispered softly and you bit on your lips as his deep rumbling voice went straight to your core. 

"Keep your grip loose, yeah?" He spoke again and you looked at him, he must know what he was doing right? It's not fair, he was not supposed to look so good and then also be blessed with that voice.

"Yes daddy" you smirked and he saw the familiar mischievous gleam in your eyes,

"Up and down, slowly, just practice the movement okay?" He guided your hand by placing his on yours and you shivered from the warmth of his touch, 

"I never thought it'd be so fucking hard dadddy" he chuckled the double innuendo didn't fall flat to his ears.

"Well once you get used to it.. it's a piece of cake" 

He was teaching you to chop vegetables, knives always terrified you and your mother never allowed you to use them as a kid, there was no need for you to do that but he was really good with them for some reason.

He wrapped his arms around your waist, placed his chin down on your shoulder and watched you practice, trying to keep a constant eye on you so you won't hurt yourself. 

"How do you know all this?" 

"Used to help mum in the kitchen, she'd always put me in the chopping department" you smiled as he said that.

"You must miss her alot" you mumbled and he pressed a small kiss on your cheek "I miss my mom too, alot" your eyes teared up and he got so stiff all of a sudden. He wanted to tell you that she was alive but it wasn't the right time just yet, he had to get you out of here first. There was a huge risk involved and Bruce had made sure that their whereabouts or identities can never be out in the open.

"I know baby" 

"Okay I'm ready for some real chop chop" you turned around swiftly forgetting that the knife was literally in your hand and he grabbed your wrist before you could poke him.

"Yeahhhh I don't think so" he chuckled and you scrunched your nose. 

"Sorry" 

"Don't be, you adorable little baby" you smiled and he grabbed the knife to put it back in the case, then he picked you up and made you sit down on the counter.

"It feels like a dream, just being here with you" you mumbled as your arms flung around his neck. It really did feel surreal at times, you feared that someone would wake you up from this dream.

"It does but it's not a dream I promise" he smiled before he pressed his lips onto yours, this morning you woke up in his arms, you didn't get out of the bed for an hour, you just stayed there feeling the warmth of his body all around you then you showered, separately of course. Then he made a hearty breakfast for you, that's when you asked him to help you teach the art of chopping. 

He placed his hands around your thighs and pulled you closer to him, your legs wrapped around his waist as he kissed you softly.

"I love you" you mumbled between the kiss and he couldn't stop smiling as he whispered how much he loved to be able to kiss you like this. He felt lucky and he felt the most loved than he has ever been in his life before, 

"Tell me about the time you had sex for the first time" he pulled away as you questioned him and he looked down, a rosy shin made his face flushed, he wasn't ready for that question. For a bodyguard who looked so utterly stoic and emotionless at work, his personality in private was much different, he was so soft and gentle, so loving and pure and there were moments in just last few minutes where you felt it was all a dream because there's no way a precious human being like him did exist and you managed to find him. Not just that but you got lucky enough to call him yours.

"I was 17" he mumbled and you gasped as a realisation hit you, 

"I was 17 too.. ohhh that made me think about something" you puckered your lips as you thought about it and he pecked your lips.

"What?" 

"I was like 8 when you had sex for the first time, and you were the same age as I am right now when I did it" he chuckled as you said that, the only times where the age difference between you two stood out to him was whenever you allowed the child in you to come out, even with the worst of the surroundings you had at home, that innocent girl inside you remained alive and he wanted to protect her with all his life. 

"Mmhmm" he cupped your cheeks to kiss your forehead and you smiled.

"Was it a good experience?" You asked him and he nodded

"Yeah she was a friend of mine, Rosa, we were neighbours" you felt a pang of jealousy, it happened so every time he even mentioned a woman.

"Did you like her, did you guys date?" 

"No..I mean I did like her but she liked my brother more, he was muscular and more handsome, she was infatuated by him" 

"Why did she sleep with you then?" 

"It just happened, she came over for a study session and things escalated, I wasn't the stud I am back then-" you chuckled as he said that "It was awkward but kind of sweet" 

"Mmmm first of all I have seen you as a teen and you looked adorable, Secondly I'd be so obsessed with you if it was me instead of her" his eyes flickered with several different emotions and he blushed again "Did you ever have a serious relationship before.. you know" you questioned him again as you hinted towards Sameera, just thinking about that horrible woman filled you discontent, he shook his head in response.

"I didn't give myself enough time, I was so lost after mother passed away, I joined the marine to distract myself of those awful thoughts I had, I did sleep around after I returned and there were a few times I actually felt that connection with some of them but it wasn't reciprocated" 

You were genuinely surprised when he said that, you couldn't imagine how these women didn't just want to drown him in buckets of love especially after fucking him, you haven't even done that yet but you knew if worse comes to worst you'd die for him without a thought, maybe he was supposed to find you and that's why it never clicked for him with anybody else.

"Well definitely can't relate with those women" he smiled and kissed you briefly. You always made him feel so good about himself.

"I'd ask about your experience but I think I know who that person is" you nodded as he said "Was it good for you?" 

"Yeah I mean I didn't have any sexual experience before I met him and he was so cute, I was in love with him or whatever love felt like at the time" He hummed in response to your answer, he often wondered if you'd fall in love with Peter again if it wasn't for him, he did know that Peter still loved you, he risked his life too for you and he wouldn't have done that if he didn't have strong feelings for you. The thought made him jealous but a part of him felt relieved because he knew that if something was to happen to him at least you'd have a friend in Peter and maybe more. 

"You're zoning out again" you cupped his cheeks and he let out a small laugh before he kissed you.

"I'm so sorry love, that's rude of me to zone out when I have the prettiest girl in my arms" your cheeks flushed as he cooed the high praise in your ears.

"Stahhhpp..I'm not" you pressed your nose against the crook of his neck and your lips brushed over the silky skin then you sucked hard to give him a long lasting mark and he shuddered.

"Noooo look at you, you're so adorable in my clothes" he whispered again and you hummed as he picked you up, he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch with you on top of him 

"Let me touch you please daddy" he smiled as you whined and begged him, 

"Remember the first day we met and you tried to flirt with me all the way to Japan and back" you looked at him as he mumbled. How could you ever forget the day you met a literal angel?

"Mmhmm and you were so mean, didn't even talk to me" you gave him a sad pouty look and he wrapped his palm around the back of your neck, his thumbs brushed over your cheeks.

"That was so fucking harsh of me love" 

"Mmmhmm" you moaned as he placed your hand on his bulge and you stroked him up and down slowly. You wanted to touch him and he was more than eager to comply.

"You got high and cried on my lap, do you remember that?" 

"I do..that was embarrassing for me the next day" 

He chuckled before he took his hard cock out of the confinement of his trousers, you instantly wrapped your fist around his length and your thumb brushed over the wet tip of his cock, 

"If I knew someday we will get here.. I ohhh heavens–" he moaned as your fist rocked his length up and down slowly "I wouldn't be such a dickhead to you darling" 

"You were just doing your job, I was being so inappropriate with you dadddy" you whispered and the corner of his mouth curved into a smile.

"You truly were babygirl, you made things so hard for me, literally and figuratively" 

"Let me taste you pleaseee " you whined into his ears and got off his lap to sit down on the floor, 

"Baby I–"

"Please daddy please" the whimpering tone of your voice melted him, how could he ever deny such a simple request, he shifted towards the edge of the couch so you could get between his strong legs and be comfortable, just the sight of you between his legs waiting to suck on his cock was enough to send his senses into an overdrive. You lowered his trouser down and it pooled around his ankles, he was all bare and you couldn't take your eyes off him, every inch of his skin looked perfect to you, you turned your head to the side to kiss the scar he had on his thigh.

He had told you about that before, the gesture touched his heart but he didn't have much time to dwell on it because he felt your tongue over the tip of his cock as you took a swipe and his hands instantly wrapped around your head.

"Fuckk that's it babygirl, show daddy how badly you have craved this" the sight of his hard cock and the sound of his voice made you float. You sucked the tip inside your mouth like a popsicle and he threw his head back, he wanted to keep looking at you and didn't want to miss a single moment you had his cock wrapped around your pretty lips but the sensations you gave him were such a distraction. 

"Mmmm you taste better than I expected, I could just live on this my whole life" his fingers massaged your scalp and he leaned back onto the couch, your words spurred him on and he knew he wouldn't last long, you popped his cock back into your mouth and sucked in as deeply as you could, his tip went past the back of your throat then you took him out to breathe, your face seemed flushed and lips looked swollen already, you stroked him fast before you laid his cock on his stomach.

 He wasn't ready for you to put your mouth on his balls, you kissed and suckled on it before you licked your way up and took him in again.

"Damn babygirl you're so good to me.. oh yess yesss keep going.. almost there love ..ohh I'm so close " he mumbled his words between his moans and whimper, you felt his cock twitching in your mouth and the blood pumping through those veins

"Cum into my mouth daddy, feed me your cum pleassee" 

That was it, he didn't need anymore friction, he clutched his fingers into your hair as he let go. Straight down your throat and then you pulled him out so you could savor the taste of him better. 

He was a sight to behold, his forehead was sweaty along with his chest, he was panting and looked so fucked up, you just wanted to take a picture of him in your head. After sucking him dry and getting a fix of your oral needs you climbed on top of him again and he wrapped his arms around you, 

"You're such a goddess my love" he whispered in your ear and pulled your head away from him so he could kiss you. For once in your life you didn't feel used after performing an oral sex on a man, because he didn't make you feel that way. 

He pulled your panties down and made you sit down on his thigh, the contact of your bare cunt rubbing against his hard muscles felt heavenly.

"I'll return the favour soon baby I promise, I just want to surprise you like you surprised me"

"Give Mee whatever I deserve daddy..oh please" he grabbed your hips and made you move back and forth on his thigh, you could count each muscle on there rippling through as he flexed them. 

"You deserve the whole fucking world and I promise I'd give it all to you..so beautiful" you moaned and your arms wrapped around his neck, he let go of your hips and you moved on your own while he unbuttoned the top few buttons of your shirt to expose some of that skin. 

"Thank you Daddy..thank you, goshhhh ohhh please" you mumbled amidst your heavy breaths 

"That's it..keep moving..keep humping my thigh..it feels good yeah?" He mumbled softly and you whimpered as the sensations build with every little movement.

"Soo good..so closeee" 

"Such a good girl for daddy, aren't you? You have been so patient with me, I love you so much" your eyes teared up as he said that, he appreciated you so much when it was him that has always been so patient with you.

"I love you daddy..I'm gonna cum..can I cum Please?" you begged him and he moaned with you as the words burned a fresh wave of arousal.

"You don't have to plead with me sweetheart, just let go. I just want you to cum so good for me, you deserve every little thing you want" 

"I doo?" You asked him as if you didn't believe him so he kissed you deeply and he felt you gasp into his mouth as the dam broke inside you, he made you feel so worthy of everything he was giving you. You felt so worthless before, nobody cared of your existence, at least not for selfless reason but he always made you feel as if there was nobody else in this world who deserved his companionship more than you did. And you never understood why because you didn't think you even deserved to be in his presence, let alone be his girl. 

"That's it that's it..oh baby that's it..look at you..you're divine my love" he whispered praises in your ears as you rode through your high, it was truly cathartic. So satisfying and you didn't think you'd survive the night he'd finally fuck you with his cock. 

As you calmed down and came back to your senses you felt him stroking your back softly with his hands, you looked down and you had made a big wet mess of his thigh.

"Godd I love my life" he chuckled as he picked you up effortlessly to get you cleaned up, you worried about his arm but he told you that he was fine now. While he prepared lunch, you sat on the countertop and watched him work. He was magical and you looked up to him. You wanted to learn all of this so you could feed him someday too.

"Lokiii how did my dad react when he found out about me?" He looked at you as you questioned him.

"He was awfully calm about it, we shared an awkward conversation before I left" he mumbled and it made your heart go still for a moment 

"What do you mean?"

"Not you you can't leave" an aura of dread surrounded him immediately as Rocky didn't allow him to leave. He turned around and Rocky asked him to sit on the sofa in front of him.

"Did you sleep with my daughter Mr. Laufeyson?" Rocky asked him and his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting that question but then he should have known that he'd be the first person to come under the scrutiny.

"I beg your pardon sir?" 

"No need to play coy, she sleeps with every man in her proximity, I'd be surprised if she didn't fuck you" Loki's jaw clenched as he heard your own father talking so disrespectfully about you. None of them knew you, they never even tried, they never tried to look past the facade, never could get through the wall you had built around you. 

"Nothing of that sort happened, I am here to do my job and I do not get involved with my clients" Loki answered him and Rocky chuckled

"You know her mother had an extra marital affair with a bodyguard of hers?" He was deeply nervous now but he kept himself in check, why was Rocky telling him all this? "What was his name.. uhhh I don't seem to recall very well but since then she has been obsessed with your kind, I know she tried to get with you, Steve told me" 

"Well I don't know what you heard but our relationship was strictly professional, in fact we didn't get along that well" 

"Hmmm very well then, you can leave ..for now" Loki stood up and turned around to leave, he heard Rocky talking to someone on phone and he knew Rocky intended for him to hear it when he said those words 

"I keep my eyes everywhere, wherever she is ..I swear on my life I'll find her and kill whosoever is helping her" 

 Your eyes teared up as he finished telling you about the conversation so he walked over to you and hugged you tightly.

"We need to go from here..we need to run lo–" you mumbled and he could tell you were freaking out so he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead.

"Sshhhh shhh baby..it's going to be okay" 

"No you don't understand, he'd do the same thing to you, he killed him and he'll kill you as well" 

"Baby I need you to breathe for me okay? Look at me ..I'm right here, we can't leave right now, even when we do we'd have to be extra careful, we just have to stay here for a few days and then I'll take us away from here okay? I promise darling " your lips quivered as you tried to keep the sobs in.

"I can't lose you too Loki, you.." you sniffled and his eyes welled up too "You are my whole life now and I can't..I can't lose you" 

"You won't..okay? You won't I promise" 

"You promise?" He nodded as you whispered and wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in a tight embrace. He promised you but would he be able to fulfill it, he had no fucking idea.

You turned the tv on after lunch only to be shocked by the news of your disappearance all around. You didn't understand, your dad never would have done this, maybe he actually was desperate to find you. Why can't he just leave you alone and pretend as if you never did exist? He should just forget about you like he forgot your mom.

What you didn't know was that it wasn't Rocky that leaked the information of your disappearance to the press. It was Steve.

He couldn't have allowed you to escape, not when he was so close to getting what he wanted. Rocky had 25 percent of the company's shares on your name, but it wasn't easy to fool you, his charm didn't work on you so he fooled Rocky instead and convinced him overtime of his loyalty.

The plan was simple: he was going to marry you, replace your father as your nominee and get rid of you a few months down the line so the shares would transfer to him.

But you ruined it and he can't have that. you destroyed his dream and he was going to do the same with you, he'd make sure your face is plastered all over the country, how far will you go? And How long would you hide from him? 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Note : I know this chapter was boring and a filler but it will get better I promise.

[writer-akihiko]

so mc running away i love it the angst 👌 so if its alright can you the same but with the dorm leaders?(pls do a good ending my poor heart cannot take it-༎ຶ‿༎ຶ)

Dorm Leaders + MC Running Away

So I apologise for the lack of happy endings, if you want to call it that. The scenarios turned out much more different than the First Years probably because of the power gap I had in mind. Also, for anyone wondering, the Vice Dorm Leaders will have a shot of saving you next! When I get to it... Cut for length. Also please help to share because I limited the tags!

Warnings: Character Death [Not you or the main boy], mentions of abuse and emotional manipulation [On the Reader] and violent actions [The Dorm Leaders]

"I'm not going back."

"Wh... What?" He was astonished. "YN... I've looked far and wide for you- please-"

No words left his mouth as you stepped away from him, tears in your eyes and you were going to make a run for it again.

Malleus Draconia

Your words struck a chord in him. He didn't mean it, but when you said that you weren't going back, he almost lost control. What did you mean you weren't going back? You promised him to be his Queen!

No... he's not accepting this. His Queen deserved better. His larger hands encircled your wrists, stopping you in your tracks. No matter how much you tugged and pushed, Malleus' strength was beyond you. In your sole despair, you fell in his embrace.

Every ache and injury struck your core, as you cried your heart out. "I can't go back Malleus," you whimpered. "I... I'm sorry."

Your hands gripped tighter onto his clothes. "I don't mean to fight against you, I-"

The Fae Prince sealed your bruised lips with his own, pulling your smaller form into his lap as he took in the moment of the bittersweet, longing kiss. "YN... listen to me," He said, his own ice cold tears falling onto your cheek, healing your wounds. "You never have to apologise for your suffering. Not even to me."

Malleus held you close as you drowsed off. The gentle smile hardened into a growl, as his back arched, black wings bursting out of his body. Malleus, in his dragon form, summoned the thorns to protect you, holding you as if you were his personal dragon hoard…

The principal, or more accurately the culprit, Dire Crowley was a fool to step out. It disgusted Malleus to his very core, his claws setting the very ground on fire as Crowley stepped closer. No words were exchanged between them. For all the suffering you faced, it was to be paid in tenfold as the dragon took a deep breath, releasing the fire in his chest.

"It was a fraction of her suffering…"

Riddle Rosehearts

He was ballistic. Riddle had been eager to bring you back immediately, but the sheer refusal and attempt to run away made him think that you hate him. He was blaming himself, sobbing to the ground.

Riddle's breakdown made you stop. No matter what you did, you still love him. Riddle's hiccups of sobbing paused at the feeling of your arms wrap around him. He wanted this, he wanted your warmth, he wanted- no… he needed you so badly he'd ceased to function without you.

"I don't hate you Riddle," You said, kissing his tears away. Your pretty Queen of Hearts had ruined the uniform he so proudly kept up with and Riddle himself was unkempt. Riddle cradled your sore body, letting you tell him your stresses and your breaking point abused over and over again by Crowley.

Riddle's heart softened ever so much for you, as he realised that he was to a fault as well. It was then he started to cry for you. "YN… I… I lost control. I know I can't be forgiven for the stress you went through so-"

"Rosehearts! You found her, how wonderful!" The jovial Principal cried out. In his hand was a magic tracking spell and that's when Riddle was struck with guilt once more. He doomed you, again. He… no, he refuses to end it this way.

Your loving self became meek, frightened by the aspect of being under Crowley's care once more. You trembled, reaching out to the hem of Riddle's coat. "Riddle… Please don't let them take me…"

He pulled you up, whispering to you. "When I cast my magic, run YN."

"Ridd-"

"Never thought you'd defy me, Rosehearts. Being a law abider and all~"

"Off With Your Head."

Kalim Al-Asim

"Y-YN?"

Kalim desperately hung onto your ankle, on his knees, begging and bargaining you to stay.

"YN… Please don't leave me again," He begged. "I'll… I'll stop dragging you to parties! I'll get you anything you want just please… please come back to me."

His tears wet your foot, as his grip left light marks on your ankle. Kalim never meant to harm you. He was so desperate to make you stay, but in his heart, he knew that he didn't have the strength to keep you with him if you desired to leave.

"How could you think that?!" You cried out. You stooped to Kalim's level, tackling him in hug so hard that he crashes to the ground. "I… I'd never leave you if I had the choice! I couldn't stand NRC anymore…"

You sobbed into Kalim's chest, wondering when it'd all end. You could never refuse Kalim, but what about everyone else? What about Crowley? Your spine shivered at the monster's name, wanting everything to disappear except for you and Kalim.

Kalim didn't know what to do. He didn't understand why Crowley would do such a thing to you. If Crowley was causing you such pain… He'd just have to get rid of the problem. You only deserve the best, after all. It's not his fault, nor is it yours.

You had cried yourself to utter exhaustion. Kalim gently wrapped you up in his jacket, cradling you to his chest. As if clockwork, Crowley appeared to the heartwarming scene, simply glad that you were going to be returned.

"Al-Asim, Dire should patch her up nicely-"

"No."

Crowley coughed. "What was that?"

"I said no," Kalim reiterated. "I have no reason to listen to you…"

"Since YN and I aren't your students anymore."

Azul Ashengrotto

How grateful he was to find you near the water. He almost turned red at the thought of you willing to search for him. Azul never thought you'd long for him this way, but you knew him, and you knew him well.

As if on cue, you looked beyond the trees to see your beloved, running from the sandy shores barefoot to be caught by your precious Azul. Azul doesn't have the best reflexes, trying to catch you without hurting you.

Azul took one good look at you, and the sight was enough to make him cry. Messy hair, cuts and bruises littering your skin possibly from running through the rocky forest, feet with sores from rocks… and tearful, sorrowful eyes.

Not an inch of sadness deserved to touch you. That was one of his core beliefs. He didn't say anything to prompt you to tell about what you'd been suffering. He knew. He knew every line of the story, and it made him ever so guilty that it led to this. If he just paid more attention to you, or at least try to.

Azul offered you everything. An ear to listen and his body for comfort, with his arms wrapping about you. If the simple action was enough for your forgiveness, he'd do it over and over again.

It was for a moment Azul held you, before running the water with you in tow. From the forest emerged the tweels, but what was behind you made you scream. Crowley, with his magic, retaliating against the twins' magic.

Azul wrapped you around his tentacles, drifting further into the ocean with you. He bent down to whisper in your ear. "YN, close your eyes. Don't look."

You shut your eyes tight as you did, hiding yourself in Azul's chest, away from the scene.

"May we never see you again, Crowley."

Azul and the twins in their merforms plummet into the ocean, deep down where Crowley would never come to touch you.

Idia Shroud

He wasn't surprised that the huge robot scared you. It was his secret project after all. He immediately let himself out of the robot, but he was hesitant to step into the forest. Idia was scared, but he still had to protect you!

"Y-YN..."

"Idia!..."

You stopped running, seeing your boyfriend pop out of the robot. Idia was quick to get over his reluctance as his panic shifts to your injuries instead. He wanted to cry out of joy from the mere chance of finding you.

Idia tried to treat your wounds as best as he could with the emergency kit conveniently equipped [he really did think of everything] although his wrapping technique was unkempt at best.

Idia's attempts to heal you made you forget of all the suffering. You couldn't help but laugh, realising how much you missed Idia. He knew that you needed this time. Oh, how he wanted to whisk you away...

But he might as well. You're his, right?

Crowley didn't get close to reaching you. Idia thought of it all. He tracked every move the principal made, fooling Crowley to think that Idia was with you the entire time, with the tracking device that Crowley so faithfully gave him.

"How desperate... it's honestly funny..." Idia scoffed at the idea of Crowley getting to you.

With the S.T.Y.X androids, Idia confronted Crowley, who was in sheer confusion.

"Crowley… burn in hell."

Leona Kingscholar

Leona didn't hold back. He couldn't believe you would say such a thign to him… The only conclusion he reached to was that you hated him. You hated his very core, just like everyone else… He was scared. It frightened him to the core that after everything he did, you still hated him.

"YN… stop fucking around with me," He said, grabbing onto your wrist. He wasn't about to throw a tantrum then and there. He had to get things straight. "Hey… tell me. Was I just a waste for you?"

"W-What are you talking about Leona?" You pushed against his chest, trying to get some distance but Leona was way stronger than you. The lion couldn't listen to reason. He simply went on about how you must've hated him, and how much you despised him.

"Did I mean nothing to you, YN?" Leona was shaking, his shoulders trembling from the mere thought of hearing those words.

You wrapped your arms around Leona, pulling him in close. "I never did… How dare you think that you stupid lion?!" You said, sobbing your heart out. You were equally hurt, but you never once thought Leona would think such a thing.

The emotional reunion was interrupted by the principal himself, pretending to be moved by such a scene. The false pretense of safety caught on to you, and you were sent into a panic, clinging onto Leona for fear of your life.

"I hate you!" You yelled, your body crumpling to the ground just as Leona caught you. "I hate you, I hate you. I don't want to go back, don't make me!"

If you were to scream anymore, you might collapse from exhaustion. Leona was quick to carry you in his arms, holding you close to his chest, where you were comforted by his heartbeat.

"Hoi, good for nothing principal," Leona called out, a single claw drawn out, igniting his Unique Magic.

"Move before I turn you to sand."

Vil Schoenheit

He was stunned to see you in such a state. He called out for you, and you stopped in your tracks. Was he that incompetent that he can't keep you with him? Did he not treat you right? Was his mere presence just torture for you?

Vil couldn't keep it in anymore. He needed to know. "YN… why won't you come back? Tell me, is it my fault? Am I not worthy of you?!"

The once prideful queen fell into shambles of insecurity as his mind won't stop painting images of you walking away from him, of you calling him your doom, of him being your captor… No, he didn't mean it…

"Was I the villain in your story?! WAS I?!"

Vil had never cried as much as he did. He needed to know that you didn't of him as a nuisance. He really was worthless if he made you feel unwanted… so please, he needed an answer.

"How could you think that, my love?"

You stooped to Vil's level, brushing away the tears that ruined his makeup with your very hands. Oh, your poor Vil… You were too selfish, thinking of your own suffering. With Vil in your arms, you felt whole once again. You gave Vil your actual answer, relenting every moment of your stress that stemmed from Crowley.

Oh… how his sweet potato must've suffered. Vil had a stuck of guilt, considering that he was under an Overblot as well. No matter, he had to make things right. For your sake, for his love's sake.

"YN, Crowley is trying to find you. But I… I have to set things right," He said, pulling you up.

The rustle of leaves had you on guard as from it came Dire Crowley, revelling in the scene.

"Schoenheit. You are supposed to bring LN YN to me immediately as I ordered."

Vil for once scared you. It scared you how enraged he was, and your heart wrenched at seeing the ink droplets by his hand.

"Vil, don't you dare-"

He turned back to you, whispering for you to run to Rook's safety. "Don't cry, my love."

You tried to hold the tears once again as you saw Vil shifting forms to an ink-like mess, this time his rage directed at Crowley. You could only run away, praying in your heart that Vil was safe.

[make-me-imagine]

Teen Wolf Masterlist

This is the new Teen Wolf masterlist, as the old one was made with the old post editor and I prefer the new one.

If you find any incorrect or missing links please let me know!

Here is the link to my Main Masterlist

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

All Imagines - - All Oneshots - - All Headcanons - - General Tag

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Pack:

Imagine - Being a Phoenix and being part of the pack

Imagine - Scott and The Pack Helping after you start to teleport randomly

Headcanons - Spending Halloween with the Pack

The pack finding out you and Derek are dating (McCall!Reader)

- - - - -

Derek Hale:

Gif Imagines:

Cracking dumb jokes until you get him to laugh

Derek confessing his love to you

Headcanons:

He discovers your self harm scars

Family Headcanons

Oneshots/Drabbles

Actually, I just missed you (angst/cute)

Pull (angst/romance)

Don’t Leave Me (angst)

More That Friends (angst/fluff)

It’s weird that we’ve been friends for so long, but…. (platonic/cute)

Boner (Yes that kind; suggestive)

Why are you looking at me like that? (humor/fluff)

You’ve been pouting ever since I went on that date, what’s up? (fluff)

How come I always call you when I can’t fall asleep? (fluff)

The pack finding out you and Derek are dating (McCall!Reader; humor/cute)

Flirty - Love/Hate Relationship

Stuck in the woods (Halloween; action)

Christmas Proposal - Part One & Part Two (romance/fluff)

Ugly Christmas Sweaters (humor/fluff)

I told you to bring holy water for a reason! (action/angst/fluff)

Three times I tried to scare you and the one time I succeeded  (humor/cute)

Our First Christmas; (cute/fluff)

Light (cute/romantic)

- - - - -

Stiles Stilinski:

Imagine: Being Lydias sister and Stiles likes you instead

Headcanons:

Being stuck in quarantine with your boyfriend Stiles

Pumpkin Carving with Stiles

Oneshots/Drabbles:

Are you trying to turn me on? (Aged up; NSFW/Suggestive)

No I can’t hang out I’m on a date and you know that (cute)

It’s just a cut, really! (kind of angst)

You’re blushing so hard... (cute)

- - - - -

Scott McCall:

Imagine: Being a Phoenix and being part of the pack

Imagine: The Pack Helping after you start to teleport randomly

Imagine: Scott inviting you to his house for Christmas

Ship Drabble (Reader Insert) - First ‘I love you’

- - - - -

Peter Hale:

Imagine - Sparring with Peter

Oneshots/Drabbles: 

I accidentally called you my girlfriend/boyfriend today… (cute)

I’m holding your hand because the move is scary alright? It’s a terrifying…rom-com (fluff)

Three times I almost kissed you and the one time I did (angst/fluff)

Stargazer (comfort/cute)

Fear of Losing You (action/bit of angst and fluff)

- - - - -

Jordan Parrish:

Gif Imagines:

Being Jordans younger sister

Being a newly turned werewolf and Parrish helps you

Jordan being protective to the point of almost going “Hellhound”

Oneshots/Drabbles:

Did you think I forgot? (cute)

You know who to call (humor)

Fake date (fluff)

Secrets (general)

- - - - -

Theo Raeken:

Headcanons - Being best-friends with Theo

I need a place to stay/Why aren’t you afraid of me? (angst/cute)

Squeaky Chair (humor)

Movie Night Jealousy (angst/cute)

I Made a Promise (angst)

Couples costume (cute)

Halloween Maze Race (humor/cute)

- - - - -

Lydia Martin:

Headcanons: Being Coach Finstock’s kid and having a crush on Lydia

Oneshots/Drabbles:

Halloween Party Decisions (general)

Locked Out/Couples Costume (angst/cute)

Three times I almost said “I love you” and the one time I did (cute)

Lets run away together/Are you drunk? (cute)

Safe (angst/comfort)

- - - - -

Coach Finstock:

Headcanons: Being Coach Finstock’s kid and having a crush on Lydia

Run!/They’re not answering cause they’re dead (humor)

Tired (platonic/humor)

Other:

Brett Talbot: Imagine Brett being overprotective

Nolan: Imagine Nolan Holloway being overprotective and clingy

[babybluebex]

laszlo kreizler nsfw alphabet

so yeah this... Happened. the zemo version is coming soon, stay tuned! (probably tomorrow morning bc a bitch is tired lmao)

(gif credit to @lindir)

A = Aftercare.

Laszlo is such an aftercare king. He’s checking on you in every way he can think of: asking you if you feel alright, maybe massaging your hips if he had you in a weird position, offering you dinner or wine, maybe even a hot bath, if you’d like (and the bath would have special perfumed oils he had sent from Paris because Laszlo is SUCH a self care whore, he’s got soaps and perfumes out the wazoo).

B = Body Part.

His favorite part of yours are your breasts. No questions, hands down. He likes using your breasts as a pillow at night— just settling himself between your legs and resting his head on your tits is a dream he indulges in frequently. He also really loves seeing you in the new French-style of dresses that have a lower neckline, and, if you wear one of those dresses to dinner without telling him beforehand, he’s as good as gone. He’s staring the whole time and can only manage simple sentences.

C = Cum.

I think Laszlo likes to cum inside you, but he also wouldn’t mind cumming on your tits. If you’re on your knees, sucking him off, he’ll pull himself out of your mouth and almost rip your blouse in his haste to set your tits free before his orgasm rips through him. He only chooses to cum inside you if he can’t cum on your tits (for example, if you’re having slow, kissy sex and he can’t bear to leave your wet heat).

D = Dirty Secret.

Laszlo. Loves. To. Be. Degraded. From a psychological standpoint, he understands that his desire to be brought down and ridiculed is born from some sort of childhood trauma that DEFINITELY involves his father, but he just can’t help himself from getting so ridiculously turned on when you call him a dog for humping your leg while you try to sleep. Bonus points if you use his title while you do it: “Just like a little bitch in heat, aren’t you, Doctor Kreizler? You’re so aroused, you can hardly handle yourself. Are you too dumb to touch your own cock? Do you need me to do it? Oh, Doctor, what a dumb little thing you are.”

E = Experience.

Even Daniel himself has said that Laszlo has like NO experience. Laszlo got ZERO bitches (which I find hard to believe but ok whatever you say, writers of The Alienist), so, the first time y’all have sex, he’s more likely than not losing his virginity (let’s not get into the debate of “virginity is a social construct” because a.) IT IS and b.) Laszlo would lecture for hours about this). HOWEVER, these things come naturally to him. He is just Good In Bed. He figures it out very quickly, so, while you make fun of him for going a little stupid when he’s aroused, he makes up for it by bruising your cervix and apologizing later.

F = Favourite Positions.

Laszlo loves that soft, slow, kissy sex, so he’s into whatever position makes it possible for him to be inside you and to kiss you at the same time. Missionary is a go to, but sometimes he’ll have you sit on his desk and kiss your neck as he hikes your skirts up and fucks you all slow and nice.

G = Goofy.

Hardly ever? Laszlo is pretty serious most of the time, and the only time we ever see him Not Serious in the show is when he’s wasted after John’s bachelor party in season 2. So, maybe y’all went to dinner at Delmonico’s, then a ball for members of high society, and he had a little too much champagne and schnapps. He’s not like giggling and all, but his cheeks are red and he’s smiling more than usual, and calling you sweet names “Oh, mein Kätzchen” and “Meine kleine Prinzessin”. That’s Laszlo’s version of goofy.

H = Hair.

OK, my train of thought here is: LOOK AT THIS MAN’S BEARD. HIS BEARD IS NICE AS SHIT. If he treats his facial hair that good— regular trims, the beard oils we all know he uses, even if it isn't strictly canon— then his downstairs hair is nice too. Definitely soft, if maybe a little wiry sometimes (but tbh whose isn’t), and it’s a nice little cropping at the base of his cock. He also has a thin happy trail up his soft tummy, and a good amount on his chest (as we see in the show lol that much is canon).

I = Intimacy.

Laszlo is ALL ABOUT intimacy. You’ll know he’s in a ~mood~ because you’ll ask what’s being served at Delmonico’s that night, and Laszlo is like “I thought we might stay in tonight. John gave me his grandmother’s recipe for chicken soup”. He’ll light candles and pour you wine and play nice music on his gramophone, and he’ll romance you throughout dinner with little hand touches and sly smiles, until he’s kneeling in front of you and slowly kissing up your leg.

J = Jack-Off.

Honestly, he hardly does it. Of course, I’m sure he did it A LOT before he met you, but now he doesn’t need to pleasure himself anymore. He’s got you to do that. The only exception is if he has to travel for work and you can’t go with him. Even then, he’ll hold off until he absolutely can’t stand it, and then he’ll like read a letter you sent him or look at a sketch that John did of you while he whacks off; sometimes, he’ll just hold your letter to his face, and the faint trace of your perfume is enough to do the job.

K = Kink.

He likes impact play a lot (and perhaps a little roleplay wrapped up in it). On the rare occasion that his fucking is anything but soft and lovely, he’s gonna be hitting your ass and the backs of your thighs as you cling to him while he rails you stupid. Laszlo would try to hit your cheek, but he feels too bad when you wince at the pain of it. Spanking your tits is good to him too. His favorite though (and here’s where the roleplay comes in), is caning your ass. He’ll bend you over the desk in his home office and pull your skirts up past your hips, and he’ll make you count the amount of times his thick wooden cane connects with your soft asscheeks. The roleplay is, more often than not, you were his assistant who did something wrong and needed to be punished. If you miss one or forget to thank him accordingly “Thank you, sir”, he’ll focus the next hit on your thighs.

L = Location.

Either the bed or his desk. Laszlo is a little older (I don’t think we ever get an explicit age? But if we say he’s the same age as Daniel, then he’s 40 to 42-ish) so he can’t do it against a wall or anywhere too crazy (not to mention his right arm can hardly support much weight, so if he needs to hold you up, it’s probably not gonna happen). The bed is a special time for you two because of his arm; he’ll hold himself up with his left arm and rest his hand on your hip or wherever to give himself at least a little leverage. But the desk is usually easier because you can sit, or you can bend over and he can grab your hip.

M = Motivation.

He loves you and wants to worship you. It’s truly as simple as that. He loves you and thinks that you’re the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen, and he wants to show his reverence for you by making love to you.

N = No.

He can’t get into the role of “daddy”, nor can he call you “mommy”. Childhood trauma aside, he will be goddamned if Sigmund fucking Freud is correct about his bullshit Oedipus complex or whatever, so he just eliminates that whole thing entirely.

O = Oral.

He’s very good at it. He’s just… His lips are soft and his beard is good, and he’s not afraid to get a little messy with it. He’ll eat you out until he absolutely has to come up for air, and he’ll have a little bit of your wetness clinging to his mustache, but then he’s right back in it. His medical degree is also put to good use here because he remembers his female anatomy and he’s locked onto your clit the entire time. The first time you ever squirted, it was because Laszlo was nipping at your clit and sucking your wet little hole and pressing his thick fingers into you, and it was A Lot To Process, but you squirted and Laszlo came in his pants instantly because he’s like “I didn’t think women could actually do that… I thought that was a thing that penny novels made up”

P = Pace.

Again, he’s a little older, so he doesn’t fuck like some wild boy. He takes his time with you, touching you and caressing you and kissing you, and his pace is the same way. He’s slow and gentle, but has the capacity to go faster and harder if you ask for it.

Q = Quickie.

Hates them. Never. Never ever ever. If he can’t properly romance you and take his time with you, then what’s the point??

R = Risk.

Surprisingly, Laszlo is a little schemer, and he loves running a risk. He’s already looked down upon by other society members, so what’s the harm in squeezing your ass at a party? PERHAPS it’s inappropriate to get caught in a dark corner with your hand down his trousers and him kissing your neck, but it’s easy to blame it on the alcohol.

S = Stamina.

Once more, he is firmly middle aged, so he can do one round— maybe two, if he’s feeling particularly frisky. Usually, though, one is more than enough for both of you.

T = Toy.

HAVE YALL SEEN SEX TOYS FROM THE 1890S?? SHITS ARE SCARY. Laszlo does not like toys, but he understands their need for existing, so he may not like them but he tolerates them. That being said, he likes to watch you use them. LIke, he’ll sit in a chair by the bed and request you “put on a good show”, and he’ll watch you fall apart, and he’ll only come and touch you if you beg and plead for him to.

U = Unfair.

Mhm, so, in Laszlo’s mind, sex and pleasure are not just a give and take, it’s a two way street. They can (and often need to) coexist. He doesn’t like to initiate something if you won’t be able to reciprocate, so he’s not too into teasing or things. At the aforementioned parties, he’ll only goose your ass if he knows you’re 100% down for it.

V = Volume.

He’s fairly quiet. His mouth is usually really close to your ear, and you’re the only one who gets to hear his pretty little noises. The loudest he’ll be is when he’s come home after traveling and it’s felt like ages since he’s made love to you, he’s gonna come inside you, and his little gasp and moan are louder than usual.

W = Wild Card.

He is down to be tied up. He doesn’t like to tie you up, but if he’s the one being restrained, he’s all over it. It’s nothing too intense, just using a ribbon for your hair to tie his left hand to the headboard, not super tight but enough to make his fingers a little tingly, but he loves it. He loves the switch of the dynamic, how he’s fully at your mercy and you can use him however you please; usually, you just suck him off and ride him, but the endless possibilities get him hard as soon as you pull out the ribbon.

X = X-Ray.

Laszlo has Big Dick Energy, so he has to have a big dick. The best example of this sort of energy is in the very first episode after he goes and interviews Wolf, and comes to speak to Teddy, and Teddy is like “you interviewed the suspect? On whose authority??” and laszlo is like “Mine” like OH HIS DICK IS BIG I KNOW IT. He’s got an above average length and girth, but we know our man likes to eat, so some of his weight goes to his dick, so it’s like,,, He’s got a fat cock, sorry, I don’t make the rules

Y = Yearning.

Constantly. Neverending. He’s at work and he’ll catch a glimpse of a pastel drawing that you commissioned from John for Laszlo’s birthday that sits in a frame on his desk, and his heart starts to hurt from missing you. When he comes home, he’ll embrace you and kiss you like he hasn’t seen you in years, and he’ll want to hear all about your day. You have your doctor so whipped for you, and it’s a different kind of whipped than being pussy whipped. He’s, like, feelings whipped.

Z = ZZZ.

He’s a sleepy little baby after you guys finish. His eyes will be a little heavy and sticky as he’s cleaning up and caring for you (and you definitely coo at him “Oh, Las, you’re so sleepy!”) but when you’re both back in bed, our little man is circling his arm around your waist and nuzzling his cheek into your shoulder. He’s so soft and affectionate, and he’s out like a light when you kiss his forehead and tell him you love him.

[baby-dr1ver]

based of this anon. I decided to make this a/b/o dynamic, I’ve been binge reading other stucky fanfics and dear lord i’m in love with the whole concept.

For: @spookyparadisesheep

Paring: alpha!stucky x omega!reader

Rating: a little angst, lot’s of fluff :)

Summary: Bucky and Steve are having a rough day, but you’re always there to make it better.

Everytime you made your rounds around the compound, Steve and Bucky were either sulking in the corning, hitting the punching bags, or locking themselves in their rooms. As one of the only omegas in the compiund, you always felt the responsibility of making everyone feel better. Escpecially if it was your favorite pair of alphas.

You weren’t claimed by anyone, but you wished you were. When you met Steve, you could feel the bond immedietly, you could sense his sadness, the weight on his shoulders. You vowed that, even know he’s never claimed you, you would act as his omega, take care of him, make sure he ate anf got sleep. And then you met Bucky. He didn’t let you in right away. You always had quiet conversations while you made him coffee. Or making sure he was okay after a mission. Overal, you showed him the kindness and loved he’d been missing over the years, and you made sure he knew he was worthy of it all. The bond between you and Bucky wasn’t immediate, but grew overtime. You felt the same fuzzy, warm, safe feeling you felt with Steve, you just hoped they both felt it too. 

They both had a bad habit of putting the past, present, and future on their shoulders. Steve, he-he loved being Captain America- he loved saving lifes. Sometimes it was hard to maintain a happy image when you didn’t feel it inside. Or when, you save a whole city of people, but made more distruction in the process, didn’t feel very “hero” to him.

You walked around until you found him. He sat, perched by a window, watching the world go by. Books were sat out in front of him, untouched. “Steve?” You said cautiously, careful not to startled him. He whipped his head up towards you and gave you a sad smile. 

“Hi m’ega” his Brooklynn accent came out. You walked over to him, and crouched down so you were level with his knees. You grabbed his hands and whispered, “Hi alpha” You brought his hands up to your lips, and gave his knuckles a soft kiss. He took his hand out and slipped it onto your cheek. You leaned into his embrace, trying to bring him some comfort.

An idea popped into your head, “come on alpha” you said before you tugged Steve up and led him to your room.

The minute Steve walked in he was hit with your scent. Allyour omega phermones, oranges, coffee, and lavender. he’s always smelled your scent but, why did it suddenly smell so good? Why did he want to suddenly tuck you away from the world and hold you close?

You led Steve to the bed, and handed him the remote to the TV. “Here, pick a movie, get comfy, and I’ll be right back, k?” He simply nodded and watched you walk out the door. 

LIke you said, they both had issues. Bucky was just-a little more complicated. H eloved Steve, he really did, he was his famiy but uh- he never told him everything. He didn’t want to burden Steve with his shit, when he knew Steve was already struggling with his own. 

You knew that Bucky struggled with his past and was plagued with nightmares. Thats why he always kept everyone at a distance. He was constantly reminded of his past self, the killing, the distruction- everything. He never slept, he never spoke, he just went on missions and prayed, that he wouldn’t loose control. He wanted all your comfort, you could sense it, he wanted to feel the love that constantly radiated from you. But always kept you at arms length. He alwasy felt like your alpha, always keep an eye on you, making sure you were never put in harms way. He longed to be your alpha but, he thought you were in love with Steve.

When you found Bucky, he was laying on the living room floor, facing the away from everyone. That was odd? 

“Bubba? What’re you doing?” You asked gently. You always spoke to Bucky in a calm tone, knowing it put him at ease.

“Just thinkin.” He said with a shrug. “What’re you doing omega?” He questioned as he watched you move so you payed next to him, a arm draped over his torso. He snuggled into your neck, as he pulled you into his body. This was new contact for you both, but you were glad he felt relaxed enough to let you.

“Alpha? C’mon, get up” The alpha only hummed in content. Bucky stayed put and inhaled your scent.  Unbeknown to you, he always found your scent calming, every chance he got he tried to scent you.

“Hey, c’mon bubs, you gotta get up” He groaned.

“But mega why-“ God, he was stubborn

“Just- get up please” He pulled his head away from your neck and he saw you peering at him with those big, y/e/c, puppy dog eyes. How could he resist?

“Alright mega, you win” you smiled at his annoyance.

Once again, you led the alpha straight to your room. When you walked in, Steve wasn’t surprised to see Bucky, but Bucky was surprised. He didn’t understand what was happening, he was to distracting but your scent. How everything in the room smelled of you. He wanted to stay here and put his scent every where so every time you walked in, you smelled the scents mixed together.

You pulled back the covers and gestured for Bucky to sit next to you. Steve was on the other side, ready to push play on the movie. You all lay awkwardly on the bed, not knowing if you should get close, or keep your distance. Thoughts were broken when Bucky spoke up,

“Doll-“ he gulped, “why am I here? I mean clearly you wanted to hang out with Steve and I’m clearly ruin-“you quickly cut him off.

“No that’s not at all the case Buck. I- listen-“ you looked at both the alpha as before you spoke.

“I feel this pull towards the both of you. The urge to constantly take care of you, comfort you, be your omega. an-and I don’t know if you feel it but- I do. It’s like this fuzzy feeling, and in the back of my mind my omega is screaming to take care of you-nest and i-“

You were out of words. You could feel their eyes in you. “Y/N? Why didn’t you say something sooner?” You looked to Steve with a small smile, while tears pricked at the corner of your eyes. “I was hoping you would come to the conclusion yourself. Hoping you could feel the same things I felt. “ you said as you looked down to your lap.

You felt two sets grab yours. “I brought you both here because, I knew you both had the weight of the world on you, and I know my words can only go so far so I thought, I thought maybe we could- I don’t know- I mean, only if you want to-“

Before you could ramble any further, Bucky pulled you down so you laid flat on the bed. Steve head rested on top of yours, while his arm settled above your chest while he purred. Bucky’s head laid on your stomach while his hands went around your waist. All of you were purring, trying to soothe each other. You made sure to let more of your scent go, seeing both alphas physically relax, shoulders slumping, jaws relaxing. That’s all you wanted, to help your alphas be at peace.

“G’night mega, love you” Bucky’s voice rang out.

“thank you omega, we love you” then there was Steve.

you felt tears stream down your face. Relief flooding through your body that your alphas felt the same. Now, you could take care of them, take some weight off there shoulders, as their omega.

“night alphas, I love you”

Tags:

@wintershadowkat

@spookyparadisesheep

@fanfuckingtastic04

[oh-for-fic-sake]

It’s A Match Chapter One

Masterlist

Disclaimer

Summary: Filming is over and Henry returns home to and empty house. And he doesn't like it, things are getting to him and he doesn't want to be alone anymore. Then his brother suggests online dating, it sounds mad but henry decides to give it a shot. If worst comes to worst he just deletes the profile. He has nothing to loose right?

Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Cheese, Self Indulgent Fic, Rpf, Plus sized reader.

A/N: so I wrote this before the whole 'girlfriend' shock and everything that has followed. I was of two minds whether to ever post it but honestly, this is my blog and I've clearly stated that i am going to continue writing Rpf. I want to do a little ficlet/mini fic and well here we go. It wont be smutty just  somewhat angsty then fluffy. Enjoy~

Taglist: In Reblogs.

Henry slumped back on the seat in his conservatory and sighed, from here he could see his brothers and their wives outside, each snuggled up on the out door wicker sectional he had got to have the family over. It was the first family get together for over a year. He was happy, god it was amazing to see them but... He couldn't help being a tad envious.

They all had a family, wife and kids to go through this shitstorm in. He had no one, well he ha Kal. But that was it he sighed and looked away sipping from his cup slowly takeing a moment for himself. He needed to just chill, but it was getting hard... This year had really knocked him back he was at an all time low he hadn't felt like this for a long time. He knew he was depressed, he felt stupid there was no reason to be but there we go.

Henry had been getting himself all twisted for a while now, filming the Witcher helped but now that was over and he was home alone. Left with his thoughts in a big empty house.

"Sooo little brother want to tell me what's going on or am I gonna have to get mum in here?" Henry jumped at the voice and spun around to face his brother who was keeping a safe distance at the door. Wiping his hands down clearly just having washed them again.

"I ah its nothing, you know me I'm a worry wart" he said waving off his older brother he didn't want to bring down the mood of the small gathering, it was why he had come in here to take a breather.

"You called us all here for a visit hen, out of the blue when lockdown is still being eased out. Its clear you don't want to be alone, yet your sitting in here alone." His older brother said leaning on the door frame folding his arms trying to figure out what was really going on. He could see his little brother was hurting he wanted to help.

"I've got Kal" Henry said with a chuckle and looked about for the bear only to frown and sigh seeing the room was empty apart fro  him and his brother.

"Kal's outside with the kids hen, what's up? You can tell me you know" henry sided as his sibling  moved sitting in the small seat across from him. He knew that his family would listen but he felt so... spoilt like he was asking too much and was being selfish. It wasn't like him.

He grunted leaning back choosing not to look at his brother instead focusing on the cup in his hand. He spun it slightly then heaved a sigh. He wasn't getting away with not speaking about it, he was going to air out his worries one way or another. With his brother or his mother, and he loved his mother but this was? He wanted to keep this issues close to his chest. So far only Kal knew about his problems.

"I... I've had enough... just had enough of fucking covid and being alone... i felt isolated before all this shit kicked off and now?" He vented releasing all the fears he had. It was tough, he was a family man without his own little family, he hadn't managed to find anyone to share his life with and it got to him. He tried being sincere and polite, he took care of himself and tried staying true to himself but... something was missing it had to be! On paper he was a safe bet a good man! Yet his relationships never worked. There were different opinions or his other half couldn't handle the life style or they tried changing him or they couldn't put up with the way he loved so furiously- so openly wanting to always hold and kiss them. It just never quite worked.

"Its- fuck everything has just caught up with me...worries I've had for a few years now I could ignore them you know? I had other stuff going on, was always out and about meetings and press tours I was busy! But now?" He tried putting his feeling into words but he was conscious, he didn't want to whine or bitch about his life. He loved his work and the life he had made for himself he just? Wanted someone to share it with.

"Now after covid you've got all the time in the world to think?" Henry nodded agreeing with his brother. Covid had made him face these fears head on. He has been alone for the best part of a year with the uncertainty of his work and filming quarantines and isolations.

"Yeah, it hurts I'm... I'm in deep and I? I don't know how I'm getting out of this slump" henry finally said outloud, his brother dipped his head listening to him as he ranted. Started letting out all the frustration and anxiety out but stopped short with another growl closeing his hand around the cup tightly hissing in frustration then looked away.

"And what's caused it? I know you hate being alone but?" Henry sighed shaking his head as his brother tried coaxing more out of him. He drew in a shaky breath wanting to cry, he was just so lost and upset over being upset and alone.

"Two lock downs... Two alone- I? If this carries on for the next few years I don't... I don't want to be alone anymore! I want to settle down, I want an actual personal life! A relationship a family and? How? How am I gonna find all that? They want fame or money or something! Women never seem to want me for me, they say the do then judge me for my hobbies- I'm a geek I like tech and games and fantasy! And women don't like that" he spewed the words like they were venom, half ashamed of being so dramatic but the fear was real. Henry was scared, he wanted love. He wanted a family of his own, and it seemed impossible, now more then ever.

"I want to meet someone who will take me as I am, for me and I just I'm giving up. I'm giving up on it I can feel it, almost forty and look, alone unmarried no kids-I have no one to share my life with, it hurts am I not good enough for that?"  He hung his head as he spoke the final words put loud. He felt so vain and full of himself when he said them out loud, his skin crawled.

But it was how he felt, being the muscular decent looking man he was didn't go with his personality. He was a geek and the woman who were drawn to him didn't want that. And the woman that shared his hobbies normally weren't confident enough to even speak to him. Society's views on acceptable couples had put Henry in no mans land.

"What about online dating?" His brother spoke up but Henry just grunted rolling his eyes frustrated.

"What? No I cant do that I'd be fucking swamped" he hissed in irritation frustrated at the mere suggestion of him trying to date online.

"Whoa hold your horses let me finish I mean come on Hen there's bound to be hundreds of shy sweet women on there, I mean girls that are into your hobbies and stuff aren't usually the ones out and about partying and stuff, so its more likely they will be online" his brother quickly explained before Henry could pop off on one and shut him down.

Henry opened his mouth and stopped himself. That was a good point. Many of the women he would click with weren't going to be in bars or fancy parties. They were normally shy and at home most of the time reading or playing games.

"I... You really think i could meet someone? Meet the one online?" He asked in a small voice warming to the idea. His sibling smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes little brother, your a down to earth guy, just make a profile and have a look, if you don't like what you see you can delete the profile" henry nodded slowly thinking it over. There'd be no harm if he failed well he'd be no worse off, a little disheartened but that's about it.

"Look write down a few things you want in your dream girl, have a pseudo name like fucking I don't know Hank! Or something and say your a runner on set or something" his brother spoke up quickly as Henry sat back and actually thought about it seriously. He was right, henry could tweak things and be careful about what he shared and if he did meet the one then she'd understand... He could explain the predicament he was in. That he just wanted someone who liked him for him. And he would only reveal himself to her if she was the one and he was sure she would understand. As long as he was himself and honest about everything else in his life then there was no harm... and if he used proper photos of himself just... half cropped out then? It wasn't catfishing? Because he was being himself just using the nickname his mother used to call him.

"O-okay so be myself but... Just tweak a few things? So they don't know its me?" He reiterated to his brother still trying to figure out the morality of this whole idea.

"Yes! No full on pictures, no photos of Kal either new photos henry not old, maybe of your eyes up or something? Girls love blue eyed boy- not your right that brown will give you away... you could even fuck em up with a behind the scenes character photo? I mean come on how many men use a superman photo for their profile these days?" He encouraged wanting more then anything to cheer up his little brother.

"I yeah... That could work ,thank you- I'm sorry I got so worked up it... Its just getting to me now" henry apologised but his brother shook his head and chuckled standing up to go back outside to the others that were all happily chatting in the garden.

"I know Hen, look just give it a go, you might be surprized... come on lets get back out there, after all you are the host~ you cant just run off and hide" henry grinned standing and following his brother. It was decided, he'd give online dating a go!

A week later Henry sat at the computer everything was ready, he'd taken some precise photos and had spent the last half hour writing a profile up. He had felt a little guilty about this... Was he lying? Technically it was him, he was going by Hank which was a nickname his parents gave him as a child, luckily this site didn't require a surname because honestly? He had no clue! To fend off some guilt he had thrown in a behind the scenes photo of himself as superman it wasn't much but it helped take the edge off. The other photos were cropped and there were a good few just so that the women knew he wasn't technically a catfish; he even did one with him covering half of his face with a piece of paper with Hank scrawled across it. At the time he felt silly but it helped with his anxiety over the whole thing.

He paused for a second eyeing the screen rereading the profile over and over trying to make sure it was alright and honest. And it was, he had explained a little about himself, his hobbies and interests and his job... Only brushing over he worked for the film and tv industry recently working for Netflix he hadn't exactly explained what he did but there was enough information.

With a deep breath he clicked the button his mouse hovered over going live with the profile. Now all he had to do was wait and hope he caught a good womans eye. Within moments a few profiles popped up, matches. He scanned them flicking through some of the profiles and felt his heart crack. They were all full of badly filtered photos and used slang that to be honest he didn't even understand. What was so hard about using plain English?

He growled growing frustrated clicking through what were clearly a bunch of wannabe sugar babies. Each profile had a main photo a little bit of info then a few more pictures added to them. He scanned each one quickly going through the motions judging each one. 'Too far away... Your clearly not even eighteen?... Oh you like dc? Really hate to break it to you but thor is not a dc character' Henry grunted as he bypassed what felt like hundreds of women each with their own 'duck face' selfie most advertising their Instagram pages some even ballsy enough to add their only fans pages.

'Wait a second who was that?' He paused and scrolled back up and eyed the image on screen. It was a face on photo a cute woman smiling uncomfortably. Unlike everyone else's there was no distorting blur or heavy editing, the only make up was in the form of eyeliner in a set of black slightly uneven cat eyes. A slightly skewed black flicks making a point of no editing on the photo.

She was a full figured woman with proper kissable round cheeks and a sweet nervous grin. Her eyes were what got him, they were kind and genuine he could see she was uneasy about the photo but she was beautiful. She lived about half hour away which wasn't to bad.

Henry clicked the profile and scrolled down she didn't smoke, drunk occasionally and had no children. She did however have a college education in animal care and ran a small business. Centred on dogs by the looks of it. He moved further down reading the profile.

Y/n, 30, business owner, e/c, 5'4, curvy

I'm shy so will take a while to warm up to you. A honest woman, sometimes to honest I don't seem to have a filter 🤗 I'm laid back and tend to be sarcastic and I love animals I'm a kc certified dog breeder as well as run a small successful business that caters to dogs. So if you are allergic or don't like dogs then leave now but thank you for clicking🙃

I spend most of my free time gaming or reading. I enjoy the fantasy genre and love dc and marvel (though I love dc just a tad more🤫)

I have one fur baby in the form of my lovely girl Amii who is a three year old malamute. Yes malamute not a husky or Akita so again if you don't like dogs or big dogs I'm not the girl for you.

I'm looking for someone to have fun and maybe build a life with. Covid has been tough being single and decided that it was about time I tried this whole online dating thing. If you want to chat pop me a message 🥰

I do not have a personal Instagram, snapchat or only fans! Stop asking for pictures!😠😠

Henry's face split into a huge grin. She seemed to good to be true. She was wholesome, successful in her own right and looked fun. She didn't seem to be full of kale and bullshit. Just genuine and? Henry couldn't put his finger on it but there was something drawing him to this woman.

True to her word there was no Instagram link, no only fans or snap chat or anything. He scrolled further seeing photos of her and the biggest fluffiest dog he had ever seen in his life. She was sitting down next to who he assumed was Amii her dog and he melted. Y/n looked happy and content, living her best life.

There was nothing that sent alarm bells ringing, no racey photos or 'Netflix and chill' innuendos. The profile was clean and genuine.  He was right the woman was a little chunky but extraordinarily beautiful. The curves suited her and made her look more... cheerful and he could tell she was strong aswell, you had to be to have a huge dog like that about you.

There were photos of her walking a large pack of dogs in the wood; that he recognised! They were the very same he took Kal to only ten minuets down the road, he even recognised the small logo of her company on the jacket she wore. He had seen dog walkers wearing the same jacket so he knew of her brand. I he remembered correctly the company offered dog walking, grooming and kennel facilities as well as offering Breeding services helping stud dogs and stuff. They also helped advertise registered breeders and took in rescues for rehoming. It was a brilliant little company that he had even used for Kal once or twice to get his teeth cleaned and nails clipped, because Kal was a bugger for his pedicures!

He moved further down seeing more photos of the woman a small section with the games and tv she liked. Witcher was in both the tv and games category aswell as peaky blinders, Vikings and a few other shows.

Henry paused as he saw the chat button. Should he? He but his lip twisting on the spot in he chair rocking from side to side. What harm is there? He could just send a message she looked like a fun loving woman, he shared the same interests and stuff... so why not?

His fingers hovered over the keys ready to type out the words. But he choked. His mind ran blank what does he say? Hi? I saw your profile? Does he ask for a date? What does he do?

He let his hands fall and growled. Then scanned over the side of the message bar seeing a few pre-typed responses.

'It's a match!' 'You look fun, lets chat' 'I like your profile picture'

He winced they all seemed... wrong? Somehow they were polite and all but it- they wasn't personal or anything just... not quite right. He looked down as Kal came padding over and slumped next to him resting his chin on his foot with a loud sigh. With that Henry had an idea typing away a little message and hitting send before he could really think.

You sighed typing away the latest wage slips and added up all the various overtime, you really needed some more staff on now that lockdown was coming to an end. Thankfully animal care was essential so you hadn't been hit too hard a few staff were on furlough as they were extreme high risk and shielding but you were going out of your way to make the premises covid safe. Luckily it wasn't too hard as much of the business was just a few staff and lots of dogs.

You frowned when a chat icon popped up in to corner of your screen. 'Hank?' You though trying to remember if you knew a Hank? Maybe a client or some old friend... but you honestly couldn't recall. You l saved your document and clicked the small icon bringing up a chat and frowned a you read the little message.

'I call my dog bear but he has nothing on Amii, Shes the fluffiest dog I've ever seen in my life she looks perfect for bear hugs😅'

'what the hell?' You cursed scrunching your nose up at the screen rereading the words. That's a bit random... you clicked his icon a small photo of half of his face then froze as a dating profile opened up. 'Oh... shit' you said seeing that your own profile you'd set up a few days ago out of curiosity had garnered the attention of the handsome blue eyed stranger. You swallowed biting you lip thoughts of finishing updating your records now gone as you scanned Hanks profile and a small smile crossed your face.

Hank, 37, works in the film industry. Blue eyes, 6ft, muscular.

Decided to finally try this online dating, unsure what to say other then I'm looking for a life partner. I like to think I'm funny and laid back. I'm fit and active but that doesn't mean you have to be, but maybe my lady could come for walks with me and my four legged son? I promise he's my best freind and a good boy.

My job is tough and I'm away for long periods of time, but when I'm home I like to play games and am into warcraft. I paint miniatures when I can. Fantasy and superheroes are a big part of my hobbies so if you don't like all things geek then I'm probably not for you.

But if they are? Then feel free to message me, I will reply when I can.

You read and re-read the profile And your hands hovered over your chicklet keyboard. Biting your lip, do you respond? He seemed sweet and real... if that made sense. You took a deep breath. What was the worst that could happen? Asking for a plane ticket? You decided to take a chance and typed back a reply hitting send whilst you had your nerve and then flushed.

"And they say fluffy dogs only lure in women~" You giggled to yourself  moving a hand over the huge fluffy girl beside you giving her pets whislt thinking of a reply.

[because-edmund]

I’m Broken But I’ll Try

Whiskey and Wine part 6

(TW for self harm, suicide attempts, overall ANGST with a happy ending yall).

@the-redheaded-league and @agirlinherhead 💕

���Shortcake, are you feeling ok?” Hassan asks, she’s been off for a few days, and as they lay in bed together, she feels distant.

“I’m fine, grumpy bear…” she murmurs before flipping over, wrapping the blanket over her head.

He sighs, accepting that he won’t be able to get her to talk. He gets out of bed, and takes his morning shower, getting ready for work.

“I’ll see you in an hour?” He asks.

“Mhmm.” Is all he gets back.

She shows up late for work, she’s lucky no one came shopping, he doesn’t know how to work the register and frankly he’s worried her grandparents will yell at her over it. He tries to get her to talk there, but still nothing. It makes him sick to his stomach.

She’d been sleeping at his house almost every night since their first time three months ago, but the last month it had dwindled down to maybe once a week. He misses her, wants the best for her, but she won’t talk, and she hasn’t even been baking anymore. He feels like his hands are tied.

“Hassan, can I stop by tonight?” She asks.

“Of course you can!” He’s excited, it’s the first time she’s made plans for them in a while, and he thinks distantly that it’s a start to getting better.

“Thanks,” is all she says before leaving the store, and him alone with his thoughts.

When he gets home that night he asks Ali to go to Warrens house, and the kid, thankfully, obliges with little convincing. Hassan isn’t prepared to have sex, he actually doesn’t want to. He desperately wants to convince Daphne to try the therapist Grace sees. After a short phone call, Grace seemed to agree with him that their poor Daphne has been a bit more melancholy. He needs her better, needs her to be ok.

Instead she comes over with the most heart wrenching look on her face.

“Shortcake…” he breaths, she hasn’t even stepped inside his house yet, and he’s ready to bawl his eyes out.

“Hassan, we need to talk,” she barely squeaks out.

His stomach drops. He’d been through break ups before, but this one was sickeningly different.

“I need to end this,” she breathes as she steps in to the house. A house they had started decorating together not even three weeks ago.

“Why?” Is all he can push out.

She has tears in her eyes, spilling out down her cheeks. He wants to kiss them off of her. Tell her to forget this even happened.

“Hassan…” is all she breathes out.

“Why?” He asks again, he has anger rising in his chest, despair even. “Who is it? It has to be someone else, so who is it?”

“It’s really no one…” she cries.

“Then why? You know I love you and-“ he’s struggling so hard now. None of it is making sense. His world is being upturned and he hasn’t even left the front door hallway. Waves of dizziness and nausea clouding him.

“I know you do, and I love you too… but you deserve better. Trust me on this…” She steps forward, places a delicate hand on his beard. She hasn’t painted her nails in weeks. He misses that little detail about her.

He places his hand over hers, it covers hers entirely and he can’t help but let out a sob. “Please don’t, Daphne please. I don’t want- I don’t need anyone else. You’re perfect and my world-“

“Hassan, you need to stop, Ali is your world, you don’t need me messing it up anymore.” She cries back, her voice raising slightly.

It’s what tips him over, he steps back from her touch, it suddenly burning his skin. He can’t think straight, still dizzy, still about to vomit all over his freshly mopped floor. She’s crying so hard now, so is he.

“You never are messing it up… you never were. So why are you doing this?” He can’t control himself anymore. Voice raising, he can tell he’s scared her, as she shrinks closer to the door. She’s ready to run, she has before, when it was her dad yelling at her, he promised he would never do that.

She promised she would never leave.

He slams his fist on the wall next to him the loud bang eliciting a small scream from Daphne, he can’t even go comfort her, apologize even, he can’t see through his tears and she won’t give a good enough answer for him.

“You should leave. I’ll have Grace bring your stuff back,” he sobs out.

She doesn’t say anything, she simply leaves. Door shutting quietly behind her.

He doesn’t know how long he stands in the hallway. An hour maybe? Perhaps only five minutes. He doesn’t care. Ali finds him on the living room couch, the one where she would curl and watch movies with him, he had finally stopped crying, but still couldn’t think clearly.

“Dad…?” Is all Ali can ask.

“She- she br- broke up-“ he can’t finish the sentence he’s sobbing again, into his hands as his son drops his backpack and races over.

He starts hyperventilating as his kid holds him. It’s fucked up. Feels like it should be the other way around, Ali shouldn’t ever have to comfort his dad. And yet, here they are, both crying on the couch.

“She wouldn’t even tell me why,” he sobs. “She just kept saying ‘it was better this way.���”

“It’s okay, dad it’s okay…” he holds his father, Hassan’s head resting on his sons shoulder.

“It’s not,” he hiccups out. How could she do this? He was going to marry her, he just wanted a bit of dating first. He was going to ask her to move in this week. Ali had agreed to it. They were going to be happy, together, his favorite people all under his roof.

Ali gets his father to drink some water, to calm down. He wonders, briefly, if he should take his dads phone, call Grace. Hassan has always said she felt like a sister to him. He decides to wait until school the next morning. He makes his dad go to bed, and for the first time since his mother died, he sleeps in the bed next to him.

Hassan wakes up throughout the night, and can’t help crying. He prays he’s not waking Ali up, but sometimes he can feel his sons comforting hand on his back. He feels like he’s too old for this, stupid breakups. Acting like it’s the end of the world.

But for now, it is. All of his future plans have collapsed. He’s back to where he was when he first stepped foot on this shitty island, depressed, and bitterness seeping in again. Part of him can’t even believe he allowed himself to be hopeful, to have any form of happiness. If his wife’s death taught him anything, it’s that nothing good lasts.

Ali begs him to stay home that day, skip work. The island never has anything going on anyways. But, he can’t stay home, looking at all of her little trinkets she’s left.

“Ali, can you- can you help me clean the house, after school?” He asks, his voice barely audible.

“Yeah, but I really think-“ Ali gets cut off before he can finish.

“I’ll see you after school, okay?” He says, before walking about the door.

Annie Flynn is working today, Hassan wonders if he’ll ever see his shortcake at work again.

No, not his shortcake. Just Daphne.

“Hello, sheriff,” she grins. “Oh gosh, you look… you look, sheriff.”

“Thanks Annie, why are you here today?” He asks while getting his coffee. Trying not to let his voice, or body for that matter, shake.

“Daphne asked me to take her shifts the rest of the week, are you two ok?” She has that sweet concern dripping from her voice in the way only mothers can do.

Hassan fights back tears, he can feel them at the edge of his eyes. “Don’t think so,” is all he breathes out. He gives her a fake smile before locking himself in his room.

He’s crying again, he decides to just let himself. He doesn’t have much, if any, work today. So he just cries. Cries until he falls asleep on the cot Joe Collie spent half the week on before he went missing. Cries because of Daphne, cries because of Joe, cries because of Ali.

He cries because he wants his wife.

She would know what to do.

She would tell him to fight for her, to keep trying. Because he deserves life after her loss. He wants it, so badly. But now Daphne doesn’t, and it’s so out of left field he can’t even think of why. She’s been sad, her anxiety getting to her, but they’d still been in love.

Right?

He hears a knock at his door. He checks the clock, it’s suddenly noon. Figures it’s Ali, coming to check in on his lunch break. He fixes himself up as best as he can, wipes his face with the sleeve of his jacket, the roughness of the denim waking him back up.

He opens the door to find Paul, “Hey.”

“Hi, um, how’re you doing, father?” He asks, he doesn’t want to be seen by anyone today, let alone a guy friend.

“Brought some lunch, um, I just figured- Gracie is busy today, and I don’t really want to eat around Bev so-“ Paul is caught off by Hassan just crying again. He would’ve been having a nice lunch with Daphne right now. Something Halal, something she made with love.

“Hassan, what’s wrong?” Paul asks, stepping in and closing the door behind him.

“Paul, you know,” Hassan laughs.

“No, no, I really don’t.” Paul puts his hands on his friends shoulders.

“She fucking dumped me!” Hassan laughs through the tears.

“D-Daphne?” He asks, shock written on his face.

“Yeah…” he can’t even snap a sarcastic comment back. It’s all just too much. Too horrible.

“Hassan, how are you even at work right now? I-I would be- if Gracie- Hassan, you should be home. This is- Hassan, I should call-“ Paul stammers out.

Hassan snaps, “Don’t. Don’t call Grace. Don’t tell anyone. If no one knows yet, I want to keep it that way. No one needs to be in my fucking business but me.”

“Ok… ok.” Paul tries his best to comfort his friend. Just sits next to him, eating in silence, while hassan sometimes cries. Hassan doesn’t tell him much. He doesn’t need to.

At the school, Grace is a little worried that her phone hasn’t gone off yet. Paul should’ve updated on how his lunch was going by now. He usually updates on every single thing that happens. And the last one she got was almost an hour ago, when he was on his way to the sheriffs office.

Ali walked into her class, and she quickly hid her phone. “Hey,” she smiled.

“Ms. Reid, um, I think I should talk to you about something… at least Leeza is tell me I need too.” Ali is clearly nervous, the kid looks like he hasn’t slept all night.

“Of course, teacher student confidentiality. Unless it’s murder, then I’ll consider telling your dad,” she laughs.

“It’s kinda… about my dad?” Ali sighs.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so, did you know Daphne broke up with him last night?”

“She what?” Is all Grace manages out. Daphne hadn’t even mentioned she was considering doing that.

“Yeah, she um, she came over and I guess just, broke it off. Wouldn’t tell dad why really, just… ended it. I wanted to know if you knew anything? If I can help fix this in any way…” Ali has tears in his eyes now.

And suddenly Graces phone rings.

“I’ll get back to you, ok? We’re gonna fix this, alright?” He nods back and she picks up her phone.

“Oh my god, Gracie! They- they broke up! I don’t know what to do! Hassan was crying the whole time, and he seems a wreck and he won’t say anything-“ Paul nearly word vomits into the phone, all the information he knows pouring out.

“It’s ok, it’s ok! We’re gonna… we’re gonna give her a few days ok? And then me and you are gonna talk to her. Make sure she’s calmed down and then we can fix this.”

“Yeah, we can fix this…” Paul breathes. Not very confident at all.

Hassan is back to work again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. He goes to mosque on Friday, and his phone only buzzes with messages from Paul, which he’s come to ignore. He knows they’re visiting Daphne today, try to talk to her. But he doesn’t want them too, however he knows there is no use in trying to stop them.

On the ferry ride back, Hassan can only think of how he wants to sleep the second he gets home. He doesn’t want to deal with Erin telling him to ‘nut up and get his girl back’ or Bev Keenes whispers of ‘I knew they wouldn’t last.’ His phone rings, it’s Grace. He ignores it.

It rings again, he ignores it.

It rings a third time, this one annoying him.

On the fourth he picks up. “What?” Is all he spits out.

“Daphne is at Sarah’s, it’s really bad Hassan, are you on your way back?” Grace is panicked, he can hear the tears in her voice, can vaguely hear Paul in the back, he keeps crying about blood.

“What do you mean,” Hassan whispers, his stomach is in his feet, he’s glad he’s sitting down, he thinks the wind got knocked out of him.

“Daphne- it’s hard to explain. She’s ok, I think, just- when will you be back? If you missed the ferry I’ll call Sturge and-“

“I’m on my way, I’m on my way, is she breathing? What’s going on? Please…” Hassan feels tears in his eyes again. Ali is now watching his every move with deep concentration, his breathing a little faster.

“She, she started um- she started cutting again. And- and I found her. She did it too deep, on her arm this time. Sarah says she’s definitely taken something too… she was really out of it.”

“Ok, but she’s with Sarah?” He’s really trying to steady his voice, not sound like he’s going panic, or rather that he is panicking.

“Yes, I need to get Paul cleaned up, he’s a bit panicked. I needed him to carry her…”

“Ok, I’ll be there soon. Please call me if anything happens.” He shakily puts his phone back in his pocket. He wants to throw up, to cry, to scream.

What did she mean Daphne was taken something? Daphne only ever did pot, and it was always with him, she didn’t even like doing it alone. And that wasn’t enough to do anything bad, to make her want to harm herself. Was it? Oh god, he didn’t even know anymore…

He couldn’t move the whole ferry ride back, it took a painstaking thirty minutes before they docked. He barely told Ali to just go wait at the house before bolting off to Sarah’s. He wasn’t sure if he had ever run that fast before, even when chasing stupid kids who didn’t want to get arrested.

He burst through the door, not even bothering to know, “Where is she?”

Grace got up from where she was holding Paul on Sarah’s small couch, “With Erin in the room. She’s still asleep, Sarah had to give her a sedative…” Grace helped Hassan take his jacket off, her eyes filled with worry.

He nodded, realizing now he’s out of breath.

“I think you should sit down, and we can all talk,” Grace whispered.

He nodded again, she led him to a chair, where there was already a glass of water waiting for him. He chugged it quickly, while Grace cleaned up Paul’s face.

“What happened?” He breathes out.

“Paul and I went to check on her while you were at mosque, we wanted to give her a few days before trying to… talk to her about what, what happened…

“She was in her bathroom, um, she couldn’t really talk. She just said she got “too deep” and was sorry. She kept saying she was sorry-“ Grace starts crying now. Paul holds her close to his chest.

“I came in when Grace called for me, I picked her up and ran straight here.” Paul is almost clinical in he the way he talks, trying desperately not to think too much about it. “Did you know she was doing this?”

Even though his tone is almost harsh, Hassan knows it’s just because he cares. “She used to do it, but she’d been clean for a couple years… only did it on her legs. She tried to, um, k-ki-“ he can’t say the word. “She tried something when she was a teenager but, she was fine! She was doing good, I thought we were doing good together and-“ Hassan can’t help but start crying into his hands.

Sarah walks out now, looking a bit tired, “Shes probably going to be out for the rest of the day, Erin is going to stay with me, would any of you get her medications from the house?” Grace nods. “Good, I think we all just need a breather.”

Hassan is sent back home to Ali, he tells the poor kid everything, and once again they fail to sleep next to each other in Hassan’s bed, both too worried to actually relax.

Hassan remembers when she first told him about the cutting, they were kissing in his office, when his hand went up her skirt and felt one of the scars. She told him everything then, and how she didn’t feel pretty with them, so he kissed each and every one before eating her out. He wanted her to feel like a goddess, like how he viewed her. He wasn’t dumb enough to ask her never to do it again for him. She had already been clean, and frankly he thinks asking that of a person isn’t right. They have to want to be better, for themselves, not for you.

When he gets to Sarah’s in the morning, he can hear Daphne talking to Erin, voice rough and tired. He wants to walk in but he’s frozen by the door. Riley had taken Ali to get flowers on the mainland, and Grace and Paul were making breakfast for everyone. It could almost be a normal morning.

“I didn’t want to take them, they weren’t working anymore���” Daphne says.

“That’s not how it works, sweetie. And I know you know that…” Sarah clicks her tongue.

“We’ll get you back on them, and get you all fixed up, baby girl.” Erin whispers.

He can barely see anything through the crack in the door, just Sarah writing things down on a clipboard. He can hear footsteps behind him, the creaking of old floorboards. When he turns around, Paul is shoving him into the room.

No backing out now.

Everyone is quiet, Erin is holding Daphne on the bed, stroking her hair the way a mother would a sick child. Erin would’ve been such a wonderful mom, Hassan distantly thinks. Daphne and him have their eyes locked and neither can speak. What does he say?

Paul is now in the room with Grace, and the two set up a small table by the bed with two bowls of oatmeal.

“Talk.” Is all Paul says before escorting everyone out of the room.

There’s a moment of silence, as Hassan finally takes in how Daphne looks. Her beautiful blue eyes have dark purple rings underneath them, she just looks so tired. There’s an emptiness to them too, like she lost all sense of spark, almost like a dead person. Her arms are wrapped in gauze, and somehow she looks smaller than he saw her a few days ago.

“Hiya…” she whispers.

“Hi…”

“I guess we should-“ he cuts her off by engulfing her in a hug.

“Oh my god, shortcake, I’ve missed you so much,” he cries. “What happened? Please, please, let me help. We don’t have to get back together, just let me help…” he sobs into her shoulder, her hands slowly wrap around him, one on his back the other in his hair. He can feel her tear drops on his neck.

“I didn’t mean to- I didn’t really want to-“ she sobs. He knows what she means.

“You don’t have to suffer alone anymore, you really don’t! And we can all help, Grace, Erin, Paul and Riley. Everyone. Why did you stop taking your meds, why did- why did you-“ he pulls himself off of her to look her in the eyes. His hand cupping her face, thumb wiping away tears.

“It wasn’t working, and just, I felt so awful. And I’m a burden, Hassan. You deserve better, someone who doesn’t stress you out or, bother you. You have a lot on your plate and I thought that me- me leaving would help…” she sobs again. He pulls her into his chest. Stroking her hair until she calms down.

“You never were-are any of those things, shortcake. You’re the love of my life! Ali loves you too! We- we were gonna ask you to move in with us,” he laughs and she does too. “Would you do that? Would you let me take care of you? You don’t even have to date me anymore, just let me help you get back on your feet and-“

“I want to date you!” She laughs through tears. “If you still want me… I’m really really broken right now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully better…” she pulls away, he looks her in the eyes, swears he can see some of that spark back.

“Doll, we’re gonna get through this together. I love you, and I can’t wait to be your boyfriend again…”

She kisses him, he isn’t expecting it, but he returns it immediately.

He makes sure she eats her part of the breakfast after, watches her with reverence. When Ali and Riley bring the flowers later that night, he and Paul go grab essentials from Daphnes home, he’s not letting her even step another foot away from him.

When everyone is at Mass that Sunday, he and Grace talk to her about therapy, before escorting her back to his home. Or their home, as he now calls it. They set it up for her to go while he’s at mosque one Fridays, and Daphne wonders why she ever thought Hassan wouldn’t want her anymore.

They have a bit to work through, but he’s never been happier.

[inadaydream99]

The One Where You Can’t Be Kept Apart

A/N - Thank you 🥕anon for sending in this request and another brilliant idea! I really hope you enjoy what I have come up with ☺️ Also, I was unsure with how to end it, so it took me a little longer to write than usual 😂

Disclaimer: This is inspired by the Friends episode ‘The One With the Memorial Service’ and is in no way my own original idea. I have also used some direct quotes from the episode for the purpose of keeping some fidelity towards the plot.

You huff, folding your arms across your chest as Soobin begins to interrogate you. He’s only been at yours for a few minutes and you’re already tired of him. You get that he’s trying to look out for you and do as you asked of him; which he’s taking incredibly seriously. But is it really necessary for him to pay you a visit sporadically, just to see if he can catch you out?

It’s like he doesn’t trust you. Not that you blame him really, I mean you’ve just broken up with the love of your life, Yeonjun, and asked Soobin to make sure you don’t have any contact with him because you don’t trust yourself to keep away. But just because you have very little self control when it comes to Yeonjun, doesn’t mean that you need to be watched so often.

It’s been about two weeks since you and Yeonjun broke up after being happily together for just over a year. The reason being that you both realised you wanted different things for your future. Things that, even after much debate, neither of you were willing to compromise on.

It had always been your dream to fall in love with your soulmate and get married. Ever since you were little you’d indulge in your fantasy and act out these magical weddings with your friends. You, of course, always played the bride.

Now, Yeonjun has never been opposed to the idea of marriage. He just doesn’t see the point in having this big, expensive wedding. In his opinion it’s a waste of time and money. He would just be happy to elope.

And that’s the main issue that broke you up. You’d been so distraught over the idea of not having the wedding of your dreams, and Yeonjun stubborn in his views, that you’d come to the agreement that if you can’t agree on this then you’re not meant for each other.

From the second he received the news from you crying down the phone, Soobin had barely left your side. He’s been the most amazing friend to you and done everything he can to help you through this break up. And that’s exactly why you feel guilty for finding him annoying right now.

“I know you’re hiding something (Y/N).” Soobin mumbles, more so to himself than to you, but you hear him clearly none the less. “Who’s shoes are these?” He suddenly quizzes you, holding up a pair of dirty black trainers. Ok, so they aren’t the most fashionable shoes ever, but they are comfy and you have lost any motivation to put effort into your appearance right now. All you can seem to focus on is your heartbreak.

“They’re mine.” You deadpan, your sensitivity making it difficult to not be offended. And Soobin really should have known better because if he’d taken a second longer to look at the shoes he’d realise that they are too small to belong to Yeonjun.

“Oh, sorry.” He utters softly, placing the shoes neatly by the front door once again. You watch as he snoops his way around your apartment, in and out of rooms unsatisfied with his lack of finding anything.

That is, until a knock on your front door sounds. You casually make a stand from the sofa where you had previously been slouched, still sulking over Soobin’s insult over your shoes.

“Wait! I’ll get it.” Soobin calls out to you, hurrying past you. He practically pushes you away from the door; not that he intends to, he’s just oblivious to his actions in the moment.

“It’s just the takeout I ordered.” You sigh, throwing your hands up defensively.

Soobin shoots you a frown before turning the handle and swinging the door open.

“Oh my, what are the chances!” You pretend to be shocked, hands flying up to cover your mouth upon the disappointed look Soobin sends you when the door reveals Yeonjun. “7 billion people in the world and they send Yeonjun to deliver my food!” You continue, hoping that you sound believable enough. Though it’s unlikely with the way your best friend has been doubting you from the very second you asked him to help you keep away from Yeonjun.

Soobin simply rolls his eyes at your terrible acting, turning expectantly to look at Yeonjun for an explanation to his presence.

“I’m sorry, but when (Y/N) called I just couldn’t keep away.” His head hangs low, ashamed of his weakness for you… and for getting caught.

“How’d you even call him?” Soobin gawks at you, seriously confused as to how you found a way to contact Yeonjun without having access to a phone. Yes, Soobin had confiscated it first chance he got. But you have to admit that the time away from your phone has been quite nice.

“FaceTime on IPad.” You mumble sulkily, reluctantly admitting how you’d managed to go behind Soobin’s back. You’d hidden it from him so your parents could at least contact you if they needed… or so you’d convinced yourself.

“iPad, of course! I should have known.” Soobin shakes his head, scolding himself for not having realised sooner.

“Soobin, if (Y/N) and I want to see each other, then we should be allow-”

“This doesn’t concern you Yeonjun.” Soobin interjects Yeonjun’s justification. It’s not that he wants to be rude to Yeonjun, or that he doesn’t like him, it’s just that if he allows this then he’s failed at being a good, supportive friend to you.

“Oh really, maybe I was confused considering the mention of my name.” Yeonjun sasses back. “What I was saying was, why can’t we be friends?” Yeonjun, determined to finish what he wants to say, continues. You notice he doesn’t look at Soobin as he speaks, only you. And the pleading look he sends your way makes you melt.

“I guess there’s no harm in that.” You shrug, trying to not show your true emotions as you observe the wide smile that spreads out across Yeonjun’s face. You really had missed his smile so much.

“Well ok then. If you’re just hanging out as friends then I can join, cause I’m your friend and Yeonjun’s friend too.” Soobin announces and you stifle your laughter when you notice Yeonjun grimace at being called Soobin’s friend.

“I guess.” Yeonjun mumbles reluctantly as he is finally able to enter your apartment properly.

The three of you sit on the sofa, Soobin forcing himself in the small space between you. It’s awkward. No one knowing what to say first to break the silence.

“So how have you been?” Yeonjun is the first to speak, leaning around Soobin to see you.

“I’ve been good, thanks.” Soobin answers as you open your mouth to speak.

“And you?” Yeonjun chuckles now beginning to find Soobin amusing. His gaze is focused intently onto you, eager to finally talk properly with you after so long apart.

“I’ve been better.” You force a small smile.

When you’d initially contacted Yeonjun and invited him over, you’d been so desperate that you hadn’t given it any thought as to how you might feel when he’s actually here. It’s a lot more difficult to see him than you expected, and you know it’s just your overwhelming emotions talking, but you’re still in love with him.

Despite wanting nothing but to cave in and get back with Yeonjun, you remain strong and fight the urge. You don’t want the same things as each other. And the more you remind yourself of that, the more you are able to convince yourself that breaking up was the right thing for the both of you.

“I’ve missed you.” Yeonjun admits. You stare into his longing gaze, your heart racing as you see the sincerity pouring out of him.

“I’ve missed you too.” You whisper, not trusting your voice. You can feel your eyes well up as the words tumble from your lips without thought. Although, it’s true, you really have missed him with all your heart.

“You know, on my way over here I saw a pigeon throw up and then a rat ate it.” Soobin quickly jumps in and changes the moment as soon as he senses the mood getting too serious.

“I still think about you everyday. I mean it’s kinda hard not to when everything reminds me of you.” Yeonjun chooses to ignore Soobin’s obvious attempt at stopping your conversation.

You aren’t sure how to respond to him, so overwhelmed that you feel like the room is spinning.

“Ok, I’m gonna head to the bathroom.” Soobin stands from the sofa. “But I’ll be quick so don’t try anything.” He warns, waving his pointed finger between the both of you before he leaves.

“Look, I’m not going to ask to get back together because I know we want different things.” Yeonjun takes the opportunity to finally say what he’s wanted to say the whole time. “But just to be with you one more night…”

“I want that too, but isn’t that gonna make it too hard?” You try to reason.

“It can’t be any harder than the last few weeks…” And yet, Yeonjun’s words seem to make more sense than you’d like.

“If I’d known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I would have stopped to memorise your face, the way you moved. Everything about you. If I had know the last time I kissed you would be the last time, I never would have stopped.” You’re left speechless by Yeonjun’s confession. Seemingly frozen in shock, your mind blank of all thoughts.

“Kiss him, you fool!” Soobin jolts you out of your daze as he rushes back in to the room.

“Huh?” You scrunch your brows in confusion at your friend. He’s done a complete 180 flip after hearing Yeonjun’s speech.

“Didn’t you hear him? If you don’t kiss him, I will.” You stare at him in shock. This has got to be some sort of test, right?

Except Soobin’s expression is completely serious. You cast several quick glances between Soobin and Yeonjun, observing how the latter sends you an almost pleading look, probably silently begging you to not let Soobin kiss him.

Soobin must be serious about telling you to kiss Yeonjun, because he’s willingly encouraging you. And that’s what finally makes you give in, instantly closing the space between you and Yeonjun, your lips moulding perfectly together in a passionate kiss.

You both pull apart breathless, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes.

“I knew you’d be here!” You jolt apart when the door swings open and slams against the wall.

“Who is this?” Soobin questions, confusion clouding his features.

“It’s my friend Beomgyu.” Yeonjun sighs. “I asked him to keep me away from you.” Yeonjun directs the last part towards you.

You simply giggle at him, half still elated from your kiss, the other in amusement.

“Hey, I’m doing that for (Y/N).” Soobin beams.

“Well you’re not doing a very good job. What’s with all the kissing!” Beomgyu sasses back.

You cast your gaze back to Yeonjun when Soobin and Beomgyu begin bickering back and forth, too invested in their arguing to pay attention to either of you.

“Want to get out of here?” You whisper to him, wide grin on your face when he nods and grabs your hand; both of you sneaking out without being noticed and quickly rushing away to make up for lost time.

“Hey, where’d they go?” Soobin suddenly notices you’re missing.

“Ugh, we blew it.” Beomgyu grumpily mutters, defeatedly throwing his hands in the air.

“I blame myself.” Soobin shakes his head in disappointment.

“I blame you too.” Soobin sends Beomgyu a glare in response.

[jellyluchi]

Sid, congratulations on the milestone!! ❤️🎉🎊

If it's not too late, can I request a scenario/hc with a reader-insert? Either sfw/nsfw. It goes somewhere along the lines of Pros surviving after the train incident and leaves the mafia life behind to finally settle down with someone. He gets a peaceful life, albeit a little disgruntled making a compromise for it (but he does get used to it!) since he's a house husband now and his wife is the provider - who's not good at handling household responsibilities (e.g. cooking, cleaning, etc.).

Basically I'm all in for this guy getting a happy ending and am overly fond of male wife!Pros because he'd probably be a great one lol.

A/N: Pen!! Thank you for requesting!! AHHH you're already activating my trap card with House Husband!Pros ✨_✨ my domestic senses are tingling...This is sfw but I will do the nsfw version some day bc this man deserves to be taken over the counter after he's done cooking a meal. Thank you for your patience!!!

House Husband!Prosciutto x spouce!Reader; “Softly”

— warnings: none

— genre: fluff

— Word count: 1.1k

Leaving the mafia is no easy business. For someone who used to instruct others on the lifestyle of the perfect mafiosi, Prosciutto made quick work to move on. It obviously wasn’t his dream job. His aspirations had long been torn to shreds when his loyalty to Passione was established. He enjoyed the profits for what it was worth but his heart lay somewhere else, with you. Ever since your presence made itself known in his life, he wanted nothing more than to hide away and take you with him, his safe haven.

The thought proved to be difficult to make into reality. You were, and still are, a simple civilian who happened upon him by happenstance. Sometimes Prosciutto thought you two were never supposed to meet given how far removed you are from mafia life. However, he considered you his beacon of hope, a ray of sunshine leading him to the end of the tunnel. He promised himself he would survive for your sake.

And survive he did. His bloodied remains on the train track were rescued in the nick of time. It’s an understatement to say you were surprised. While you knew the nature of his work, it never occurred to you how close he was to death’s door. It made both of you cherish each other’s presence all the more.

Had some bastard told this man 5-6 years ago that he would be a 'house husband' he'd have slapped them across the face for looking down on him. It's ironic that now the most adrenaline he experiences is from bargaining with the local vendors or trying to get free coupons. He understands his mistake now, looking down on house spouses all those years ago was born from ignorance. Grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, baking, they are no easy tasks.

He ponders his current lifestyle silently. Some classic Italian pop song from the 80s plays on the radio on the countertop where his floured dough rests. Prosciutto never considered himself a baker. He thought his hands were too bloody for something so refined. The softness of the dough akin to the flesh he once held before turning it cold and pruned. Now he marvels at browned bread, having given it life through his hard kneading.

The clang of his metal arm meeting the counter-top makes him click his tongue. He thinks about touching the dough with his prosthetic, feeling it but also not. The sense of touch has always been quite personal to him and he remembers the way he used to hold his comrades to give them a pep talk, how he used to age enemies faster. The thought is quickly abandoned as he realizes he would have to clean the thing of sticky dough if he did.

The silent click-clack of a pair of keys and ‘darling, I’m home!’ alerts Prosciutto from his stupor. He leaves the dough inside the bowl before covering it. He sometimes wishes he could age it to it’s proven state.

You find your dear husband in the kitchen, in his usual sweats and t-shirt. “Welcome home dear,” his voice is as soothing as you remember. Nothing keeps you going like the thought of coming home to his embrace.

Ever the traditional man, he must give you a kiss upon arrival every single day. It’s not like you’re complaining.

You notice the resting dough when you embrace him. “Pizza?” and he nods at your inquiry. “Margherita. Your favorite.” and he delights in your small burst of excitement. Being a house husband has washed the harsh edges off of Prosciutto’s body. If he was drowning before, he’s now surfaced and made a life on the beach with you.

He takes your jacket, gently, and places it on the rack where it can always be found. Your shoes which never stray from it’s spot near the front door, your keys that never leave its decorative bowl. Prosciutto spent too much of his life running after disappearing things, cruel magic tricks that bring more gloom than entertainment. Your belongings remind him you’re going nowhere, he has no one to chase, he can rest.

“Would you like me to run a bath for you?” he asks you quietly while washing his hand at the sink.

“That’s alright, I’ll freshen up quickly. Besides, it’s too cold tonight.” As you leave for your room, your husband readies the other ingredients for dinner. He used to memorize lists of names but now they’ve been replaced by grocery lists. When he thinks about it, there wasn’t much of a difference, Passione had a peculiar code naming system.

Even if he’d never admit it, Prosciutto was once nervous about life with his prosthetics. He thought he’d never be able to make your favorites, or even go on date nights with you. But he quickly realized his fears were born of a privilege that comes from a life where he’s not expecting to die the next day. And if there is one thing he can do, it’s persevere to make life comfortable for you. You who pays for his living, you who takes care of him and you who loves him despite the ghosts that haunt him, you who kneaded his harsh planes into soft edges.

He’s almost done chopping the veggies when you come back downstairs. “Can I help?” he always makes you feel a bit bashful. You don’t miss the smirk on his sharp lips even if he tries to mask it.

He hands you the mozzarella along with a knife, knowing you would fumble over your fingers with anything else. When you two first met, he wondered how you were able to waddle your way through life. Where he was methodical you were clumsy where he was routinely you were spontaneous. Sometimes he thinks it’s only fitting that he should be the house husband of the messiest person on the planet. It gives him a home to worry about and mundane experiences to look forward to.

You’ve never seen someone do house chores so eagerly and professionally and you think about his journey from taking lives to making homes. The unspoken ways in which he thought his hands could do no good during moments of uncharacteristic self-doubt always made you remind him of all the times his hands have done more good than harm. Like when he grew flowers in the garden, or when he decorated for your birthday, when he fixed your tattered clothes and put back together your broken heart.

“What would I do without you?” you ask when he pushes the pizza into the oven. You snack on some biscotti in the meantime. He would scold you for spoiling your own dinner but he knows you’re quite famished.

“Burn this kitchen down, no doubt,” he jokes. You laugh heartily and he silently thanks his fate for not taking away his hearing on that fateful trip to Firenze.

[midday0nightmares]

28 - prove it.

Previous chapter pry on the weak (m).

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

Panicked footsteps echos over  the empty hallway walls, moving closer to you.

“sera..” 

It’s jaemin, his voice is unmistakable.

He crouches down in front of you, you don’t at him, “you ok? What happened?” His voices comes out shaky, maybe it’s guilt. 

Your vision blurs with angry tears, his question infuriating you.

you snap when his hands touch you.. “where the hell were you?” the loaded words cut through your throat, he flinch back when you look at him..

His jacket in his hand, the once neat white button down is now torn open missing a button or two, half of it hanging outside of his trousers. His slicked back hair is now a mess, lipstick stains on the side of his neck, he reeks with a feminine perfume mixed with alcohol.. he stutters unable to speak, adding to your rage.

You stand to your feet, refusing his help, your arms warping around yourself “just open the door..” you mutter insults under your breath while wiping your tears strained checks, he press in the code and let you walk in first keeping his head down..

Once your both inside and the door is closed he calls you, 

“Sera wait” he grab your arm, his hold on you is anything but firm.

“No! You left me.. you were with some other girl while I was ..” the word died in your chest leaving a bitter taste in the back of your throat, a new wave of anger washing over it.

you look down at yourself.. you cry harder, you felt sorry for yourself. he steps closer to you and dares to attempt to hug you, you push him as hard as you can, “you son of a bitch..” You throw one your shoes at him and miss due to your unclear vision..

“ooh my god you’er being crazy now!” He tries to duck down when you throw the other pair at him and you mange to hit him in the stomach, he grunts in pain.

 You launch at him, punching, slapping, scratching whatever you hands can reach of him “was she worth it? Was she better?”,

“stop!” His loud voice would have scared you before, but not anymore. he mange to restrain your hands and shake you but you still keep going if not with your hands then with your mouth, you shout every curse word you know.. 

His eyebrow knot at your meltdown ”stop!’ he shakes you “Who did this? Who was it?” his hands squeezing hard around your wrists almost snapping them, you wince in pain “you’er hurting me! Asshole” you try to kick his leg to free your arms bur he stays unaffected, “tell me who was it?” growls, his face is turning red, veins bulging around his neck.

“oh so now you care? Fuck you!” you retort back. still feeling betrayed, you lean closer into with all the hurt and the anger you seethe “Go back to her” .. 

Sudden silence falls upon you, you tow stand in each other’s face in the a the dark living room that was only lighted by the dimmed city lights, too stubborn to backdown the tension rises as angry pantings coming out of both of you while the muffled music of the soaring party plays in the background.

His hold on your arms loosens as they fall to your sides. a wise person would move away but you don’t, you still stare into his eyes with all the hatred and disgust you feel for him right now, he doesn’t look away as well, his hot breathes fan over your face.. 

He steps even closer, his lips almost grazing yours, his hands come to sit on his hips in a challenging stance, obviously ticked off, he shifts his weight to one foot before he speaks, “stop being a crazy jealous whore and tell me who did it?”.

a cynical smile tugs on your lips, “ a crazy jealous whore?” You repeat after him, arms crossing in front of you, not showing any signs of backing down. 

You would have missed the way his eyes squinted if you weren’t that close to him, his eyes scan your face before he speaks again “Unless you wanted it.. “ you were not expecting him to step this low, the accusationary tone catching you off guard.

You can’t tell if he was being serious or he’s saying it to despise you.. non the less, it still cuts deep, deeper than any physical harm you are suffering from, thus rendering you speechless.

He continue, “Walking around like a slut in that skimpy outfit, what were expecting huh?” his voice rising with each word, his confidence was being fulled by your hurt that was showing your face. 

He take one last jab at you, “you probably enjoyed it too” he scuffs and turns around, you stand frozen in your place.

As soon as you regained your ability to breath you fire back with a broken voice, “is that all you got? Quite the a man you are.. a crowd” your heart shatters and you can’t help the pathetic sob from erupting out of you, it seems to have an effect on him as he stops in his place couple of steps away from you. 

“ I loved you but you’er not worth it” you don’t mean it but you force it out of you, as loud and clear as you can,” go back to your sluts that’s where you belong”.

He turns to look at you, a shiver runs down your spine,

“you loved me?” The sarcasm is evident in his voice, although he’s calmer now he’s scaring you.

He comes closer to you, you wipe your tears to clear your vision and sniffle, embracing yourself for what’s about to come, his arm reach to your face, you tried to move away but he was faster, his hand clawing your jaw, fingertips digging into the soft flesh of your checks, yanking you closer to him, “you loved me?” He repeats your words to himself. 

your hands desperately wrap around his arm trying ease his hold on your face. “lair” he whispers, the subtle hurt in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed, your heart beats so loud to the point where he could hear it too.

“you are all talk baby” he exhales out a deep breath he was holding.

you swallow the tight knot in your throat and mange a small “no..”, fresh hot tears filling your eyes as you drown in his sad brown orbs.. “I do.. I love you”.

“Prove it” he challenges you.. prove it? How would you prove love to someone? Someone who’s far beyond broken?

You hesitate to speak, baffled by his request, he sense it and in disappointment he withdraw his hand, ignoring your attempts to hold his hand, he looks away. you panic feeling like he was slipping out of your grip. 

“Jaemin .. please”, 

but he turns away shaking his head “get yourself clean up sera, i’ll be back” he walks out the door slamming it shut ending the intense shouting match, somehow you felt at loss, he walked out the door taking a piece of your hat with him.

Dreadful fear sets in, the world starts to crumble around you.

When he comes back less than a hour later, he calls for you but no response. He walks towards his room looking for you but a whimper catches his attention, he gasp when he sees you on the kitchen floor with a knife in your hand, he runs to you taking the sharp object out of your hand, you don’t fight him, since you were done with it.

He shudders when he sees the blood leaking out the self inflicted wounds, his names carved on your left thigh.

“What have you done?” He shout at you but this time it has no anger behind it, the knife drops to the floor as he jumps and brings the kitchen towels roll, he starts ripping them and pressing them your wound to stop the blood loss.

“why did you do it?” He asks again, his voice’s breaking, you keep your head down your body swaying back in forth in silent grief.

He asked you to prove it..

He checks your wounds, he sigh wit relief and thank the gods when he sees them superficial. 

You didn’t notice before but he’s crying, he wipes his nose with his sleeve and pulls you to his chest, he wraps his arms around you tightly holding you like he was trying to glue you back together.

 “don’t ever do that to yourself ever again” 

 “I’m sorry” you pat his back trying to reassure him.

He pulls you away just enough to look at you, he cradles your head in his hands, “no no baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any of it. I was being a jerk to you Im sorry, forgive me” his thumbs wiping your tears away, he kisses your face multiple times while whispering love confessions to you, “I love you, I love you”.

He brings you back into the safety of his chest, you lean your head onto his shoulder nuzzling his neck, finding solace in his arms.

“whoever did this to you will pay, I promise you” 

[jomamaofficial]

You should have said something: Finale (Bakugou x fem!Reader)

A/N: HELLO BESTIES, IT'S YOUR *lmao I just realised I wrote sentimental here instead of CRUSTY here* CRUSTY TOE HERE. Now please, for the love of whoever's up there, PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. I'm not going to dawdle along because this was the finale you all were waiting for, so enjoy. Social Media & LinkTree & Discord Server TW: Very gruesome descriptions of: Death, Burning, Heavy cursing, Blood, Abuse. Masterlist Taglist: @spicy-therapist-mom @speedmetalqueen @silentw-lkr @loki-an-idiot @clickbait-official @captainchrisstan @kamalymaly @idk-sam @runrabbitrun3 @power-house-fan12 @mrslawliet @memeingcheetah27 @lonleyweeb77 @midnight-storm Word Count: 1743

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Sirens flooded the scene, police cars blinding passerbys. Ambulances rushed to the location, paramedics pushing their way through the crowd of people, the heat travelling the smell of iron across the streets of Musutafu. Firefighters reached the estate, dragging people away from the hazard, eyes gawking at the uproar of fire. The house was engulfed in flames, crying voices piercing through the ears of those who looked on. Ashes here and ashes there, belongings erupting into soot and red embers.

A body was heaved onto the stretcher, blood staining the white cotton.

“The heart rate is lowering, I repeat the heart rate is lowering.”

The static noise from the walkie talkie was merely another addition to the tumultuous screams and orders.

Wind ran through his hair, panic stricken over the nurse's face who ran as fast as her environment could let her, the heavy but precious, bleeding body straining her arms and staining her hands.

The door was held open, commands being barked at her.

The reporters bombarded her, obstructing the nurse’s view. She shoved past them; her heart hammered in her chest inspecting the monitor, her movements speeding up as she reached her destination. The body was rushed into the ambulance, attached to pipes and machines.

It was the last thing the public saw before the door was shut and the sirens fled away.

Trending headlines and hashtags spread like wildfire.

Masaru switched on the TV, his wife finishing up her dinner in the other room.

“I am now live at the Bakugou-L/N estate. Word from our information team has come out and the fire has been going on for twenty minutes, however these twenty minutes were enough for Prohero Ground Zero to be sent to the emergency room after a local found him covered in burn marks and injuries inside his already smoking house. Prohero Y/HN is nowhere to be found and all forms of contacts have been shut off. I am now handing over to Tanaka-san who is live at the-”

Switched off. Masaru sat there glued to his seat with his fingers pressing on the power button.

-

Hope came crashing down and you could only stare at the broken screen of your phone, tiny glass particles spewed on the floor.

Your skin was boiling up but your blood ran cold. Your throat dried up but your tears were wet. You couldn’t feel anything but his nails, digging in through the layers of clothing you comforted yourself in.

If you could go back in time, you would have. If you could stop yourself from dialing Izuku’s number, you would have. Anything, anything would have been better than this.

Silence. And you still had the urge to cover your ears. There was nothing to look at apart from your only form of communication. Everything else was black. And the traitorous phone that gave you away was dissipating as well. It faded away from your sight, leaving you a wide smile on your face. Too wide. Stretching from one cheek to the other, your lips were quivering, forcing it to stop. But it didn’t stop. It was getting wider and wider and it was hurting but could you stop it? No.

You couldn’t stop anything. Not this marriage, not this moment, not your own body.

He pulled on your hair and you couldn’t even stop the pain. He crushed your face between his hands, searing pressure building up in your skull and you still couldn’t stop him. He shouted and he screamed and it was slowly seeping into your skull how loud he really was. Nothing would stop. You couldn’t stop it.

You were useless. Your shrieks were useless because he drowned them out with his own voice.

His words were barely comprehensible. You could either focus on the warm blood trickling down your hairline, or him.

But that took energy. And right now, trying to stay alive was sucking all of the energy out of you.

“YOU FUCKING BROKE RULE NUMBER THREE, YOU FUCKING WHORE.”

Rule number three spiked your interest. Not because you remembered what it was. It only drew your attention to him amidst all the repeated curses and the names and the agony, ‘rule number three’ was something new.

Why would you understand rule number three though, you couldn’t even understand why you were smiling, giggling underneath your breath.

“And out of all the people you could have gone to”, he sucked in a breath, squeezing your cheeks. He could feel your clenched teeth fighting against the strength of his hold.

“You fucking went to that useless cunt Deku”, Bakugou spat out, a crazed glint in his eyes as he felt your face shake and crumble under his grip.

“Where is he now huh?” he scoffed, a breathy laugh escaping from the depths of his body.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT PATHETIC BITCH NOW?” Screaming once again, he activated his quirk, missing you by a hair. The flames mocked you, free to move, free to grow.

“Is he gonna come and get you now? See your precious ‘Izu-kun’ anywhere?” he derided, smiling at the blackened area his palms left on your shoulders.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’M SORRY.”

Your tears said it enough, tears that were mixed in with the sweat and blood that dripped from your forehead. All you wanted was someone, someone who would hold you and stroke your head and clean you up. Someone who would take him away from you and let you live in a fantasy where you weren’t wrong anymore.

You apologized in the false anticipation that he would stop, and caress your face and pepper it in small kisses. You apologized in the false anticipation of thinking that’s what he needed all along. Just an apology.

So when he pushed you off of the sofa, your knees igniting in irritantance and bruises, you could only look at him. And when he crouched down in front of you, tilting your chin upwards, your heart almost fluttered at the thought that he would pull you into a kiss. A warm kiss where you would feel at home and feel loved.

The sad part was that you knew that you would forgive him if he kissed you once.

But the worst part was that you knew this would never happen. And it didn’t. But you were happy to live in your delusion. Because your delusion masked the sheer force at which he defiled your body.

The lethal blaze mirrored the lethal blaze that ignited his eyes. And this was the last time you’d ever see such hate, and animosity in them.

With your hands shielding you too late, all you saw was a blinding light shining through you, filling every crevice in your body with a scorching glow. But then it was extinguished by the darkness.

Alarms were going off in your head, telling you to breathe quickly and panic and scream and reach out and find something to see. And you did. And it entertained him.

So small and so vulnerable, scrambling around beneath him to try and escape. But he had you under his grip. And he wasn’t going to let you go until you remained lifeless under him.

Smoke infiltrated your lungs, forcing you to flail and writhe on all fours. You were heaving, trying oh so very hard to breathe in the oxygen that limitlessly surrounded you.

But you were useless. And you couldn’t breathe to save your life.

Coughing and slobbering, kneeling in front of him, you begged.

“Please, forgive me.”

“Please, I’m sorry.”

“Please, I didn’t mean to.”

“PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP. PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP.”

The fumes were stabbing at your throat, filling your head with fog.

And your world was running slowly. The noise was slowed, darker and deeper, slurred beyond understanding. The agony was slow; equally as painful, but slow. It gave you little breaks in between to piece everything together, bit by bit.

Growing up, your world was black and white: heroes were benevolent, there to serve the society and protect them whereas villains were malevolent, there to wreck the balance of society and harm them as they pleased.

Growing up, the first people you relied on were heroes. Even as the Number 3 Hero, Y/HN, you relied on your colleagues who worked day and night to ensure the safety of the country you served.

Maybe that was your downfall. Blindly trusting heroes as if they were some sort of untouchable deities who could never harm. Because here you were, taking the last few breaths with your world spinning around you and being snatched away from you.

And it wasn’t at the hands of a villain that you were dying. It was at the hands of your so-called superior, the Number 2 Hero: Ground Zero.

Ground Zero; the hero who everyone respected but feared. His snarl, his anger, his drive. The very hero who was found in every treacherous battlefield. He was the same hero who took on anything he found that threatened the life of the citizens he made his duty to protect from harm's way.

But who would take him on when he caused harm to you?

No one.

It wasn’t the smoke, or the burns, or the bleeding that caused you to take your last breath. It was the realization that no one would save you.

-

The pulse under Katsuki’s fingers diminished until it was nothing. And he cried. Veins standing out in livid ridges, his eyes seared in rage as they watered and dripped down his face, cooling his body in the circle of fire he put himself in.

If he wasn’t trained to suck his guilt up every time his hands were responsible for someone’s downfall, he would have been consumed in his own self loath…

But what was the point of feeling guilty when you deserved it?

It was because of you Eijiro broke up with him. And he internally promised himself he would always stand by this.

Blinking away his tears, he channeled all the remaining energy he had, letting his anger flow through out of his body.

His wrists were giving in but he swore it was the final time. Just one more blow. One more big blow.

Silencing his cries underneath the deafening roar of his explosions, he clenched his jaw, pressuring his body on and on.

No one would find you now. No one would know.