#i’m still inactive i’m sorry besties

[kukoshka]

Quick Kaveh sketch for @ghxst-birds <3

[toomiieimagiines]

hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It’s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

[toreii]

Idia: “Yes, yes, good friends celebrate each other’s birthdays pretending to be besties……eek!? D-Did you hear that…?”

Idia: “Ah, uhm……happy birthday… Sorry there’s no present. I didn’t know…”

Yuu: *nods*

Idia: “You’re seriously happy with just a congratulatory message? I’ll place a small order online to Ramshackle Dorm later.”

I nearly forgot Idia’s birthday message!!😭 I’m still pretty inactive with twst but I’m sure I will come back one day🥲 I had Ortho as my favorite last year, so I made sure to reset it to Idia lol. You’d think Idia would find a way to give us wi-fi in the dorm, and maybe some paid subscriptions. He still owes us for book 6. The trauma never left me.

And then Leona came to visit on my birthday🥹

[hazzabeeforlou]

hiiiii i took a long break on tumblr but I'm back who are the harry/louis/niall/1d accounts i should be following?

Oh woof, I’m sorry my dear I’ve been incredibly inactive myself 😭 (not intentionally, just wildly busy) so I’m just gonna give you the names of my OG besties who I still see blogging whenever I log on lol!

@twopoppies

@kingsofeverything

@alarrylarrie

@evilovesyou

@roseandbee

@uhoh-but-yeah-alright

@phdmama

And if anyone is not 1d anymore, sorry nonny!

[twoa-plus]

i mentioned a while ago making a rotai au but i haven’t read rotai in like forever and the idea is still half baked so i’m just gonna throw out everything i have so far and either come up with more ideas bit by bit or take suggestions if u guys have any !! sorry for inactivity in the mc/mcd community btw social anxiety’s been beating my ass lmao

SO. au time. everything in the very beginning of the book is the same, but when archie gets to the top of that weird mountain and finds the orb he’s like “oh those are terrible vibes no thanks” and just Leaves (once the spiders are gone ofc). yes i did just make up this whole au bc i thought it would be funny how can u tell. anyways, no longer having a tribe, he just kinda runs off into the woods and does his own thing. we love a foraging king. also strong independent archie supremacy (i’ve always headcanoned him as an adult and a pretty competent one at that, just wanna play around w/ the idea of him being left alone for once). does he have funky animal friends? what weapons does he use? has he figured out agriculture? who knows! certainly not i

someone else gets the orb. is it thord, is a walda, is it goddamn karl, i have no idea. either way bad things happen and must be stopped but archie doesn’t really care he’s just chilling

at some point this random hero comes across him and, being the weirdo she is, is like “oh look. a lone illager. youre my friend now :)”. if anyone remembers me posting violet in the discord server this is her BUT i wanna change her name bc there’s already a lot of cool canon and fanon characters w/ v names and i don’t wanna like. copy anyone lmao. anyways she’s like “surely u have to be lonely out here :(“ and he’s like “no actually i’m pretty alright” and she’s like “nah. we’re leaving :)” and that’s that. he does go back to his weird little treehouse or whatever eventually i just like the idea of him getting dragged around against his will to help fight against evil or whatever LMAO. definitely the most helpful of the protags here in terms of combat skills (again. competent archie supremacy. they never said he was bad at fighting he just didn’t like it), but the whole time he’s just like “yes i am going to teach you how to use a sword and yes i am going to hate every second of it. die” (they are besties)

third protag is yumi bc i like her. hero drags archie to the closest village she can find, archie nearly gets sent into the stratosphere by an iron golem, and yumi comes out like “sorry broski my bad lol”. somehow she ends up agreeing to help them idk why i haven’t thought abt it that much (she is insanely difficult for me to write i still do not even have a consistent design for her). “isn’t violence against, like, villager code or whatever?” “well, technically, I’M not the one doing the violence-” *gestures vaguely to army of iron golems*

anyways that’s pretty much it. world’s bravest villager, illager who Does Not Want To Be Here, and a hero who has no clue what she’s doing, bless her soul

if anyone has suggestions lemme know lol. also i wanna make it more fantasy-ish bc i love fantasy so dw abt sticking to canon worldbuilding. this is all for funsies i have zero prior storytelling experience lmao

[greg-montgomery]

👤

omg…getting involved with real people hurts so bad? and i don’t even know if it’s just me being dramatic and overthinking and overanalyzing everything:/

but like…we spent the whole week together. i was home alone and he came over every evening and he spent the night too and i felt so so close to him. like we slept cuddling and i was so 🥹🥰🥰 but now that i’m not home alone anymore and he can’t come over he’s just…idk. it all feels different.

we’ve only texted and it was mostly initiated by me. and it’s not like he’s dry but he’s…friendly? he hasn’t flirted with me once. and i’m so hurt bc what if that was it? and now he’s like “okay we did this and it was fun, now back to bffs 🤩”??? we used to flirt all the time. the last time we had sex was on tuesday night and when he went home that night he immediately texted me. and still flirted :( but since wednesday??? nothing!

and also last time he was over he was asking me when i’m getting my period to see if we could sleep together again this weekend so like???? which one is it????

guys i wanna cry and nothing feels comforting rn if it’s not from him :/ i hate this. i wanna go back to just loving aaron and greg. i know it hurt that they weren’t real and it was all in my head but at least i didn’t feel this uncertainty over how someone feels about me.

these last three weeks he’s been so perfect with me. patient, sweet. he made me feel amazing. and now i feel like there’s this distance between us :/ and we don’t work together anymore so i don’t see him every day like i used to. this sucks so bad like i wanna sob lmfaoooooo i miss my friend

and i’m sorry i’ve been so inactive and only come here to talk about him but he’s currently my roman empire </3

send thoughts and prayers to your bestie so she can recover soon and only have eyes for tg and his characters 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

[supercutszns]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

i loveee this omg i’ve gotten this ask a few times thank u all sm i love u☹️☹️ i’ve only published like 7 pieces of writing on here so far so i’ll also be pulling stuff from my wp (jackboxes) bc i’m proud of the stuff on there as well! also these r in no particular order lol

1. twin beads (luke castellan) | my most recent work on here, besties to lovers with a poseidon! reader & a sibling relationship with percy<3 i actually love this one so much😭😭 my favourite trope and there are lots of lines in here i love—the paragraph when luke’s lying next to reader and she’s talking abt how nostalgic he feels i love them i fear.

2. true colours (luke castellan) | daughter of iris! reader that loves to paint is petrified her friend doesn’t like her back. luke’s willing to prove that’s not the case. this is i think my most,,,popular fic on here??? which surprises me to this day??? of all the ones i’ve written i feel like this one got me to the most people which is fucking whack bc i thought i phoned this one in so hard lol. got a newfound appreciation for it once i saw how many ppl related to it, made me feel better bc reader is so mecoded too <3 she’s got some self-esteem issues and a weird knee but she sees the world in colour and she’s adorbs. i’m very happy this one is well loved

3. hellstorm (douxie casperan) | haven’t updated this one in a while unfortunately but this is a beloved wattpad fic💔 i love niche fandoms sorry! storm is just a fun character to write she is a wet feral cat and i love her dearly! i really need to continue this bc i have detailed lore planned and i just love found family. hellstorm my beloved

4. rotten to the touch (luke castellan) | really need the inspo to pick back up for this one but idk i just love horrible sexy people there’s really not much else to it. i would love to make this a full blown series but idk if i have it in me but im trying to work on a little blurb for them so hopefully that goes out

5. frostfire (avatar: the last airbender) | to be honest this is the closest thing to a magnum opus i have. started writing it four years ago still nowhere near finished. 26k reads. three main characters three love interests three separate plot lines. gays. grief. gruelling exposition. it’s so ass but means so much to me. my friend drew art of the characters. it’s been translated into spanish. people have found it through tiktok. it is not half as good as it could be but i love it so so dearly and is probably my favourite thing ever. i don’t care. it’s mine. i will finish it. i have to.

okayyy anyways that’s it i’m so deeply sorry for being so inactive my current romantic relationship is grinding to a slow halt so everything feels joyless and repulsive. but hopefully the more i try to write the better it’ll get i love u all

[waitingforeddyneddy]

Didn’t realize me saying that JB lost a lot of appeal to me because of his Ariana friendship would bring out the crazies. I only said this in regards to my own opinion lol! Other people in your dms can call me parasocial or whatever but I personally don’t like that he’s friends with a certified asshole. And her home wrecking is only the beginning. She is known to be extremely mean and rude to service workers. How can you possibly be friends with someone who looks down on others because they aren’t rich and famous and *still* be a nice person?

Not saying JB isn’t nice. I like him a lot but this is the conundrum I find myself in. I just don’t see an excuse to be so close to someone so mean. I get that they’re coworkers - but coworkers don’t actually have to be friends.

Anyway sorry for rambling. But this is exactly why I’ve become inactive in the JB fandom. You can’t even ask these kinds of questions without being crucified. I find him to be a wonderful actor but I’m stepping back from claiming he’s nice/genuine/etc. It just doesn’t mesh for me with his friendship with ms grande.

You don’t have to apogize! My blog is a safe space for anyone who wants to share what the majority of this fandom thinks is controversial ❤️

I decided to start answering asks because I grew rather tired to people saying I cannot say certain things or trying to police my fandom experience.

I stopped liking JB pretty quickly after s2. He’s a very talented and attractive actor but that’s it for me. I don’t like his vibe and certain tings I’ve seen confirmed my feeling about him. The fact that he became bestie with Ariana Grande fits the picture I got.

I’m sorry for his fans that might disappointed by this but at the end of the day these are rich people who are used to these kind of behaviour. There’s nothing we can do. We don’t know them and they are entitled to their own lives. You can still appreciate him for his talent while also distancing yourself. Good for you 😘

[veshiro]

what about a oneshot where rui accidentally grabs reader s boob 😭 like he wae reaching for some things he needed for an invention and yeah

HELP THIS IS SO FUNNY I HOPE I DID IT JUSTICE😭

i have been so inactive omg✋ i swear i will try to write more besties (side note tsukasa took over my life i may be posting some stuff for him later👀)

warnings: slightlyyyy suggestive

As per usual, Rui was locked in his room to finish a few more zombies for the latest Wonderlands x Showtime performance. The group already has plenty, yet he insisted that having just a few more would make the vibes more “apocalyptic”. You offered to help him out, and while you don’t have the extensive engineering knowledge he does, you were there for moral support.

“Your mom made us some snacks,” You say while setting down a plate of cut up apples.

“Mhm,”

His focus is too lost in the screws he’s counting, making sure he has enough before officially closing up the animatronic. He groans and rubs his temples when he realizes—he lost a few.

“Can you get me like two screws from that bucket over there?” He mumbles and points to a shelf by his desk.

You nod and look around for the bucket he mentioned, but you can’t seem to find anything matching the description.

“It’s black with little purple stars,”

“I don’t see it, Rui,” You say and turn around to face him again.

He pushes himself up from the floor and his arm reaches out from memory to where the bucket is, yet instead of the cold plastic feeling, he feels something warm and soft.

“…Rui Kamishiro-!”

He immediately jolts out of his daze and sees where exactly his hand landed. Yeah, not very cool of him.

“I’m- Sorry. I’ll uh-“ He stutters and gently moves his hand to push you to the side to reach where the actual bucket is, “can we pretend that never happened?”

You laugh it off, knowing that Rui had zero harmful intentions, “It’s alright, Rui. You could’ve just asked me though,”

A teasing tone laces your voice as you cross your arms. He looks at you with a shocked expression still, until it settles into his usual smirk.

“You really want to start that?”

No. You don’t. Trust me.

You clear your throat and look away from his gaze, “I have something to finish on my laptop so I’ll uh, be over here,”

Rui’s glad you didn’t slap him or anything, but if you knew what he was thinking then you might just have done that.

[carpisuns]

This fic was commissioned by @allineedisabook-18 for the @miraculers-for-ukrainecharity drive. Thanks for your support!

Summary: “You’re sick, aren’t you?” He drops down to the balcony. “You’re sick because you love someone and … they don’t love you back.” (Love square Hanahaki AU, Marichat centric)

Word count: 6.4k

where roses bloom

From the first day he meets Ladybug, Adrien feels something growing inside his chest.

At first, it feels like a promise—a warm bud of light just waiting for its time to finally bloom.

Then one day, it bursts to life inside him like the first spark of a fire.

Adrien collapses to his knees, coughing and wheezing. Everything burns—his chest, his throat, his eyes. His lungs feel crowded, his throat swollen. He can barely breathe.

“What’s happening to me?” he rasps to Plagg. He falls into another fit of coughing.

That’s when the first petal appears.

(full fic is under the cut)

He stares at it, blood red against his bedroom floor.

The rose in the vase on his empty dinner tray is pink, not red.

“Adrien?” Plagg asks, hovering anxiously over him. “You okay?”

His lungs squeeze and burn. He coughs again, and this time, he catches the petals in his hands.

They’re smooth as silk. Like the rose he offered Ladybug just an hour earlier.

The rose she turned away.

“I don’t understand,” he says. “Did the akuma do this? I don’t—I don’t remember being hit. And wouldn’t the miraculous ladybugs have fixed it?”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

“What else could it be? This is obviously some kind of magic.”

“Yeah.” Plagg looks grim. “And not the good kind.”

More coughing. More petals. “What do you mean?”

Plagg sighs. “I’ve been around a long time, kid. I’ve seen this before. I thought this kind of magic died out a long time ago, but I guess that was only because the miraculous were inactive for so long.”

“I don’t understand.”

“One of my holders was from Japan. She called it hanahaki. It’s the disease of unrequited love. When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, the flowers grow in your lungs. Sounds cheesy, I know. But … this really isn’t something to laugh about.”

Adrien freezes. Plagg thinks it’s serious? Plagg says it’s no laughing matter?

Oh no.

“Well, what do I do? Go to the doctor, I guess?” Adrien grimaces. He was not looking forward to that conversation with his father.

“Normal doctors can’t do anything,” Plagg says. “Not even the Guardian can do anything for you. There’s only one cure.”

Adrien coughs again. Red petals flutter to the floor. “And what’s that?”

For once, Plagg’s eyes look as old as he actually is.

“She has to love you back."

***

“You okay, dude?” Nino asks. “You’ve been hacking up a lung lately.”

“Fine.” Adrien sets down his lunch tray and tucks his face into his collar while he coughs, trying to catch the petals in his shirt.

“That doesn’t sound good,” Alya chimes in. “Got a cold or something?”

“Or something.” Adrien stands. “Be right back.”

He speed-walks to the bathroom, breaking into a run before he reaches the door. The walls of his chest burn, throat contracting as another coughing fit seizes him. He collapses in front of a toilet, wheezing, and watches the bowl fill up with red.

“You’ve got it bad, kid,” Plagg whispers.

When he finally makes it back, Marinette has joined Nino and Alya at the lunch table.

“H-hi, Adrien,” she says quickly. “How can I feel you? I mean—how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. Thanks.” He offers a smile and slips into place beside Nino.

“Oh, um, great!” She looks kind of flushed—almost feverish—but she smiles back readily, ducking her head.

They finish their lunch, and Adrien manages to swallow down another burning urge to cough. Then Marinette falls into a fit of her own.

“Aw, Adrien, you infected my bestie!” Alya teases. “She’s been coughing all week too. Keep your fancy rich-people germs away from us peasantfolk.”

“Sorry,” he says automatically, but Marinette shakes her head, face still buried in her hands, until the coughing finally subsides.

“I’m fine.” Her lips curve, but Adrien has modeled long enough to tell a real smile from a fake one. She keeps her hands curled into tight fists in her lap for the rest of lunch.

When it’s time to go, he moves extra slowly, pretending to adjust the strap of his bag. Alya and Nino are already halfway across the room, but Marinette is crouched over her bag with her back to him.

“Um, Marinette?”

She straightens, another thin smile plastered on her face. “Yes?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Her expression softens, somewhere between warm and wistful.

“Yeah. I’m okay,” she says. “Thanks.”

She turns to follow the others, and for a moment he just watches her leave while his stomach tightens and his throat burns.

There’s something small and bright on the floor where she’d been standing. He stoops to get a closer look. Pinches it between his fingers.

A flower petal, sunshine yellow.

***

Adrien surveys the rooftop. Everything is perfect: the candles, the pillows, the rose petals (which almost seemed like a waste to buy, but he was not about to decorate with flowers he coughed up).

Today is the day. The day it all ends. (The day it begins.) His lungs don’t even burn now. He sits down on a blanket and watches the horizon for a red silhouette.

Hours pass. Darkness settles over him as the sun sinks behind the rooftops. The candles blaze on resolutely, and soon the burning in his chest returns to match.

She’s not coming.

Slowly, he blows out each one, reciting as he goes. “She loves me a little. A lot. Madly. Not at …”

He stares down at the tiny flame of the last candle, and he can’t bring himself to snuff it out. At last, the burning in his throat is too much, and he doubles over while petals pour from his mouth to join the ones already strewn over the rooftop.

He lifts his head. There’s a light ahead of him. A lone figure, standing on a balcony. Marinette.

His chest still burns, and he can’t stand to be alone tonight. So he goes.

He hears coughing when he gets a little closer. He drops onto a chimney stack, and she whirls around.

“Chat Noir?”

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. Would—”

He spots yellow flower petals scattered around her feet.

“Oh, sorry!” She tries to brush them away with her foot. “I was just, um, planting some—”

“—buttercups?” He looks around. “But where are the flowers? And the pot?”

“Oh, um, I—”

“You too?” he asks softly.

She blinks. “What?”

“You’re sick, aren’t you?” He drops down to the balcony. “You’re sick because you love someone and … they don’t love you back.”

She stares back at him breathlessly.

“You know?”

He nods. “It’s red roses for me.”

She looks down. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

An ache joins the burning in his chest, and he wishes there was something he could do to make her better. All this time, she’d been hurting just like he was.

He offers a hand. “Come with me.”

When they land, Marinette’s eyes widen at the sight of the rooftop, still adorned with hundreds of rose petals.

He sweeps into a bow. “It’s my pleasure to be your knight to the ball this evening. Would you do me the honor of a dance, princess?”

She giggles and offers a curtsy. He grabs her hand and draws her close, and then they’re turning in circles all over the roof, stirring the petals under their feet.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “These roses came from a shop.”

She smiles, but then it fades. “You did all this for the person you love?”

“Yeah. For Ladybug.” He swallows against the searing in his throat. “But she didn’t show up.”

She’s quiet for a minute. “I didn’t know. That you loved her. I mean, I’ve seen how you act around her. But I thought you were just being … I don’t know. Silly.”

He laughs softly. “I suppose I am pretty silly. But I really love her a lot.”

A roar splits the air. Akuma. He pulls Marinette out of the path of an incoming blast and then scoops her into his arms. When she’s safely back in her bedroom, he turns to leave, but she catches onto his belt tail.

“Thank you,” she says. “And … I’m really sorry she didn’t come.”

He smiles. “At least I got to share it with someone. And hey, if you ever need to commiserate about how much it sucks to cough up flowers all the time, I’ll be around, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispers.

After the battle, Ladybug follows him back to the rooftop, where the candles still glow against the deep blue night. He holds a rose in his hands—bright red, like her suit. Like his heart. Like the love inside his lungs, growing bigger and bigger every day.

“You’re more than a partner, Chat Noir,” she says softly. “You’re my friend. And I could never lie to a friend.” She closes her eyes. “There’s this boy …”

Adrien’s lungs squeeze painfully, and he can almost feel the roses inside him wilting along with the one in his hands.

Ladybug watches him, the light from the candles reflecting in her eyes like they’re floating on water. There’s a pull deep in his chest, a shooting pain that wraps around his lungs and sprouts between his ribs.

He takes a step closer. “I understand, Ladybug. You’re my best friend too.” Then he leaves her with a kiss on her cheek and a rose in her hands while his garden blooms on inside him.

***

There’s something about ridiculous magical diseases that makes friendship come very easily.

Adrien huddles under Marinette’s blankets with her on a Tuesday night, a plate of pastries between them. They start with a movie, but it’s way too romantic for either of them to stomach, so they abandon it twenty minutes in. Instead, he performs a dramatic reenactment of the latest akuma attack, including Hawkmoth’s inner monologue, which makes her laugh so hard that he thinks yellow petals might come out of her nose. She tells him about how she’d tripped and spilled her yogurt all over the lunch table and how her teacher had told her off for daydreaming in class. (He was there for both incidents, but he likes hearing about them anyway.)

“What were you daydreaming about?” he asks. “Buuuuttercup?”

She lets out a huff. “Well, yes. If you must know. He is pretty dreamy.”

“And I’m not?” He leans in close, grinning, and she pushes him back by the nose.

“You wish.”

“If he’s so dreamy,” Adrien says, “why don’t you tell him?”

“What? I can’t just do that.”

“Why not?”

“It’s—it’s complicated!”

“Is it?” He lifts a hand, counting on his fingers. “One, girl loves boy. Two, girl tells boy. Three, boy loves her back. Four, girl lives happily ever after and does not have to sleep with a flower-cough bucket anymore. Simple.”

Marinette fiddles with a loose thread on her bedspread. “I really don’t have any control over anything after step two.”

“Yeah, but you’ll never know unless you say something, right? You could be resigning yourself to a life full of buttercup salad for no reason.”

She sighs. “He doesn’t see me like that. I’m just a friend.”

“But how do you know that?”

“Because. I just do.”

“Okay, well, you might as well check. Just to be sure. I mean, what’s the worst-case scenario?”

She grips the blanket in her fist. “That he doesn’t love me back.”

“Well, right. He rejects you, and the flowers stay, and you’re in the same situation as before. I mean … that’s what happened to me, and I’m still here, right?”

She keeps her eyes glued to the blanket. “Right.”

“Actually, there is another option,” he says.

“What’s that?”

He shrugs. “We just forget Ladybug and Buttercup and fall in love with each other instead. Easy.”

A smile tugs at her lips. “Great plan. Let’s get on it right now.”

“After you,” he says.

He holds her gaze, smiling politely, until she breaks down with a snort. Then they’re laughing and laughing and laughing, and for a minute, his lungs don’t even burn.

***

notchatnoir

hey there purrrrrrrrincess 😌

marinettedesigned

ugh. don’t make me block you right after we set this up

notchatnoir

how can you block me when we go together like ketchup and mustard

marinettedesigned

gross. i hate ketchup

notchatnoir

obviously im the ketchup. you’re mustard red and yellow. roses and buttercups yknow

marinettedesigned

i still dont want to be associated with ketchup. it makes me gag wait actually, maybe that’s the perfect thing to represent you<3

notchatnoir

meowch ok fine we can be tomatoes and cheese

marinettedesigned

no!!! the reason i don’t like ketchup is that i hate tomatoes!!!

notchatnoir

ok ok i have the perfect one blood and urine

marinettedesigned

fJLSDLKJFDSJLKF GROSS?????? why are you the way that you are

notchatnoir

what, devilishly handsome and irresistibly charming

marinettedesigned

why cant we be strawberry and banana raspberry and lemon like. a red apple and a yellow apple literally anything but the things you just said

notchatnoir

you’re just naming fruits. where���s your creativity

marinettedesigned

i coughed it up with the last batch of buttercups besides youre just naming all the most disgusting liquids ever how is that more creative

notchatnoir

i have a lot more disgusting liquids i can name

marinettedesigned

please do not

notchatnoir

armpit sweat snot stagnant pond water chloe bourgeois’ ego

marinettedesigned

FLKJSDKJLFS how is that a liquid

notchatnoir

flows freely but is of constant volume fits the shape of its container (the container being her swollen head)

marinettedesigned

hahahahahahaha are u sure its not a gas expanding freely with no limit

notchatnoir

you are absolutely correct you are so smart, marinato

marinettedesigned

:///

notchatnoir

mustardnette

marinettedesigned

fine i’ll be mustard but only if i get to be dijon

notchatnoir

but dijon doesnt go with ketchup

marinettedesigned

tragic

notchatnoir

i thought we were friends 😞 princess you rule with such a cruel and iron fist

marinettedesigned

that’s right and ur the court jester jingling around for my entertainment

notchatnoir

so you admit i entertain you

marinettedesigned

..

notchatnoir

GOTCHA maybe i could come over and amuse you with some clever jokes and magic tricks

marinettedesigned

haha maybe later it’s late and i need my royal beauty sleep

notchatnoir

ok tomorrow?

marinettedesigned

sure

notchatnoir

good night, princess mustardnette

marinettedesigned

good night, cat-chup noir and thanks

notchatnoir

for what

marinettedesigned

well honestly i was having a pretty rough night but talking to you made me feel a lot better you always make me feel better

notchatnoir

i’m glad you always make me feel better too

marinettedesigned

❤️💛 ok, good night!

notchatnoir

wait i just want you to know that you’re a wonderful person you’re kind and smart and brave and also pretty i mean not that i like objectively youre as a friend youre pretty

marinettedesigned

um thank you? hahaha

notchatnoir

ugh im not flirting im just trying to say that youre worth it, ok? like, this boy, whoever he is, he’s gonna love you whenever you’re ready to tell him, im so sure he’s gonna love you back and until then i’ll be here for you, ok? you’re gonna be okay

marinettedesigned

thanks, chat noir that means a lot and im sorry

notchatnoir

why?

marinettedesigned

im sorry that ladybug doesn’t love you the way that you love her

notchatnoir

it’s ok

marinettedesigned

no it’s not you’re hurting every day because of it i wish she could love you back

notchatnoir

maybe she still can

marinettedesigned

yeah maybe. but what if she can’t?

notchatnoir

then i guess that’s it

marinettedesigned

it cant be chat please cant you just love someone else

notchatnoir

you know i cant just do that i love ladybug, and i always will

marinettedesigned

would you change it, if you could?

notchatnoir

honestly? no i don’t think i would.

***

“Pound it!”

Ladybug is already poised to toss out her yo-yo, but Adrien catches her by the shoulder.

“The night is still young, milady. Want to hang around for a bit?”

“Um, I’m about to transform back!”

“Well, you could just recharge your kwami,” he says hopefully. “And then maybe we could catch a movie?”

She freezes. “That sounds like a date.”

Adrien ducks his head. “I mean, well, it doesn’t have to—”

“Chat Noir, I already told you. I’m in love with someone else.”

He can almost feel the flowers pressed against the walls of his chest, making his ribcage groan.

“Yes, I know, but if—”

She shakes her head. “There’s no if. I’m sorry.”

He swallows down the urge to cough. “Okay, so we go as friends. We’re friends, right? You said so.”

“Of course we are.”

“Then … will you come?”

Her earrings beep. She turns away, head bowed. “I don’t think so. Maybe next time.”

He watches her swing away, lamplight bouncing off her suit. Flames lick at his chest.

“Fine!” he shouts after her. “I’ll just watch a movie with some other friend. I have a lot of friends, you know! And I can watch movies with any of them whenever I want.”

He extends his baton, coughing into the crook of his elbow. Petals spill out from beneath his arm, but he doesn’t care. Let her see, if she even bothers to look back. He’s tired of hiding. Tired of waiting. Maybe if she knew she’d change her mind. Maybe if she knew he was literally lovesick over her, she’d finally give him a chance.

But the thought just makes him feel sicker. He doesn’t want her pity. Or her worry. Or her guilt. He doesn’t want her to feel trapped into giving what she doesn’t have, selling an empty heart to a boy she doesn’t love.

He takes to the rooftops, scattering petals in his wake like teardrops. Without even meaning to, he ends up on Marinette’s balcony.

He raps on the window, still coughing into his arm.

“Chat?” she asks cautiously. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

He slips through the window and hops over the side of her bed onto the floor. She follows him down the stairs, perching on the edge of the chaise while he sits stiffly against its back.

“You don’t seem okay. Do you need to …” She hesitates. “Do you need to talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about.” He snatches a pillow and clutches it to his chest. “Just same old, same old. Ladybug won’t even give me a chance. She says we’re friends, but she never wants to hang out. I swear she barely even looks at me anymore.”

Marinette’s eyes find the floor. “It can’t be easy for her. Knowing you’re in love with her.”

Adrien’s scoff turns into another fit of coughing, shedding petals down his suit. “Easy for her? What about me? I mean, look at me!”

She doesn’t look. Just keeps her eyes glued to her pink rug while he coughs again and again.

“Who’s side are you on, anyway?” he chokes.

Her head snaps up. “Look, if you’re in such a bad mood, why did you even come?”

The coughing finally subsides, and he takes in an aching breath, massaging his chest. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take this out on you.”

“It’s not like she wants to hurt you, you know. She just doesn’t want to play with your feelings.”

“I know, I know.” He sighs. “It’s just that … I know I could love her so well. If she’d just … let me. If she actually gave me a chance. I think she could love me back.”

Marinette goes quiet. “It’s not her fault she loves someone else,” she says finally. “She can’t help it.”

“I get that. I’m not actually mad at her. I just …”

Suddenly his eyes are burning along with his lungs, and a hot tear dribbles down his mask.

“It hurts, Marinette,” he whispers.

She looks at him, eyes full of something he can’t quite name. Then she opens her arms, and he collapses into them with a shaky breath. She holds him tight, stroking his hair, until the burning gives way to a quiet glow that blooms through his whole chest, soothing every smoldering edge.

“I know, kitty,” she whispers back. “I know.”

***

“Hey, Plagg.”

Plagg does not look up from the latest issue of Gentlemen’s Camembert. “What.”

“You know your other holder, the one who got sick like me? What happened to her?”

Plagg flips the page. “Eventually her lover admitted that she loved her back. They lived happily ever after. Blah, blah, blah.”

“What would’ve happened if she never did?”

Plagg pauses. “Like, if she never loved her back?”

“Yeah.” Adrien plucks a stray rose petal from his pillow, smoothing it between his fingers. “Would the flowers have eventually gone away?”

“No. Only if she’d stopped loving her.”

“So … as long as she was in love, the flowers would keep growing? Forever?”

“I mean, yeah. Until …”

Adrien’s fingers go still. “Until?”

Plagg doesn’t answer. Adrien imagines untamable roses filling up his lungs, crawling up his throat till there’s no room left for air, and his blood runs cold.

“Plagg,” he whispers, “am I dying?”

***

Adrien can’t sleep. He rolls onto his side and coughs and coughs, his body convulsing as petals spill from his mouth.

“Kid, you okay?” Plagg’s tiny paw presses to his cheek. “Breathe. It’s gonna be alright.”

“She has to tell him,” Adrien rasps.

“What are you talking about?”

“That boy. Marinette has to tell him. Or she … she could …”

He falls into another fit, tears streaming from his eyes as his lungs squeeze again.

A rose blossom lands among the petals, full and open and red as blood.

***

notchatnoir

are you awake it’s important

notchatnoir started a call that lasted a few seconds.

notchatnoir

marinette? please answer

marinettedesigned

oml chat it’s 2 in the morning what could possibly be so important

notchatnoir

is it still just petals

marinettedesigned

what?

notchatnoir

your buttercups are they still just petals or are there like full flowers now too

marinettedesigned

i mean, mostly petals but flowers sometimes

notchatnoir

nononono

marinettedesigned

what’s wrong?

notchatnoir

was it always like that?

marinettedesigned

no, it started a few days ago i think chat what’s going on you’re scaring me

notchatnoir

my kwami told me if it goes on long enough the flowers they could i mean

marinettedesigned

kill us?

notchatnoir

yeah marinette you have to tell him i know it’s scary but you have to take your chances promise me you’ll tell him how you feel as soon as possible

marinettedesigned

ok i promise but what about you?

notchatnoir

don’t worry about me

marinettedesigned

how can i not worry about you

notchatnoir

i’ll be ok i’ve got nine lives right haha

marinettedesigned

chat this is serious i dont want to lose you

notchatnoir

you wont

marinettedesigned

promise?

notchatnoir

promise

***

Nino and Alya wave goodbye, thanking André as they pass him on their way out of the park.

It’s a beautiful day, sunny and warm, and Adrien is grateful Father let him out for once. It won’t be long now before Gorilla comes to pick him up, but at least for a few more minutes, he can stay with Marinette. They stroll down the path, sampling spoonfuls of ice cream, and he turns questions over in his mind, wondering how to ask them without giving himself away. Had she told that boy she loved him yet? Was she finally going to be okay?

“Adrien!” she says suddenly. “I—I have to tell you something.”

His head snaps toward her. Is she going to tell him about the buttercups? No one else knows about them—not even her parents. Not even Alya.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Well, um, the cream is—I mean, the thing is, that—oh!”

She drops her ice cream cone, which splatters his shoes in pink and green.

“Sorry!” she squeaks. “Let me—I’ll get—”

“No, no—don’t worry about it!” he says quickly.

She looks like she’s about to faint, and the last thing he wants is for her to start coughing up flowers and feeling even more humiliated. Maybe he can play it off like a joke to put her at ease.

He flexes the toe of his sneaker. “You know what? I like it better this way. Pink and green go surprisingly well with orange, don’t they?”

She lets out a nervous laugh. “I guess so.”

“Much better than red and blue would. Which is a real shame. I’d always hoped I’d go well together with the girl I love.”

Marinette blinks. “What?”

“You know, like …” He gestures to his Ladybug-colored ice cream. “If I’d dropped mine instead of you dropping yours.”

Her mouth falls open into a little O. “You mean … those colors … are for the girl you’re in love with?”

“Well, yeah.” His brow furrows. “That’s what André always does, right?”

Marinette stares down at her ruined ice cream cone, pink and green leaking through the cracks in the stone.

“Marinette, are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to get you another cone?”

She shakes her head slowly, head still bowed. “I think … it’s done.”

“What?”

She lifts her head, and for a moment he’s almost relieved that she looks so calm (normally, it takes her much longer to regain herself after a blunder like that).

But then he sees her eyes. Flat. Blank. Empty. She gazes at him steadily, but it’s like she’s looking through him. Like she’s not even home behind the blue.

“I’m going to go home now,” Marinette says. Her voice is flat too—something pressed paper thin under a heavy weight until nothing was left but a shadow. “See you later.”

For the first time since the petals appeared, Adrien’s chest feels cold.

***

adrienagrestebrand

hey marinette, just wanted to check in you didn’t seem like yourself earlier is everything ok? if you’re worried about the shoes, please don’t! i have so many shoes haha marinette?

***

notchatnoir

have you had a chance to tell him yet? how are you feeling?

marinettedesigned

bad

notchatnoir

what happened? are you ok

marinettedesigned

no

notchatnoir

im coming over right now

marinettedesigned

you don’t have to do that

notchatnoir

i’ll be there in 5

marinettedesigned

ok

***

When he arrives, she’s lying in a bed of buttercups. She looks like something from a fairytale, the bright flowers trailing across her body, glowing against her skin, some of them scattered around her head like a halo.

It would be beautiful if it weren’t so terrifying.

He throws open the skylight. “Marinette, are you okay?”

She blinks up at him slowly. “I’m fine.” Her voice is weak and hoarse. “I think I’m done now.”

She stirs, causing buttercups to tumble around her blankets.

“No, don’t move,” Adrien says. “You need to rest.”

“I’m making room for you.” She moves to the edge of the bed and scoops the buttercups aside. “Sorry, I’ll clean these up later.”

“Don’t—don’t worry about it. I can take care of it.”

She scrunches her nose. “But I coughed them up. That’s gross.”

“I don’t care,” Adrien says, carefully lowering himself onto the bed. “It could be, like, actual vomit and I would clean it up for you.”

She makes another face. “Ew. I wouldn’t make you do that.”

“You wouldn’t have to. It’s my knightly duty. And I’d be glad to.”

He sinks back onto her pillows and shifts so they’re face to face. Her eyes are sad and searching.

“You’re too good to me,” she whispers.

“No, I’m not.” He reaches out and tucks a few loose hairs behind her ear. “I’m not nearly as good to you as you deserve.”

At that, her face crumples. Tears swim in her eyes and she buries her face in her hands. “I’m sorry, Chat. I’m so, so sorry.”

“What are you talking about? You don’t need to be sorry.” He tries to pull her hands away, but she just tucks her chin further into her chest.

“Marinette, what happened today? This …” He swallows as he looks around at the dozens of buttercups scattered over the bed. She must have been coughing them up for hours. “This isn’t normal.”

She hiccups a laugh through her tears. “I’m pretty sure coughing up flowers is never normal.”

“You know what I mean. This is a lot more than usual. Did … did something happen?”

She lowers her hands and nods.

“Did you tell him how you feel?”

If she did, this can’t be a good sign.

She shakes her head. “And I never will.”

“Why?”

“Because … because …”

Her body convulses with fresh sobs and she manages to turn her back to him right before the flowers start pouring from her mouth.

He scoots forward and gently gathers her hair with his claws, holding it back from her face. With his other hand he rubs soothing circles on her back.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes between buttercups.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he says. “I’m here, okay?”

He doesn’t know how much time passes—only that with every new tremor of her body, his chest gets tighter and tighter.

Please be okay. Please be okay.

Finally, Marinette draws a shaking breath, rolling onto her back and closing her eyes.

“Thanks,” she whispers.

“What happened?” he dares to ask.

She shrugs, staring up at the ceiling. “He doesn’t love me.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah.”

Adrien swallows. “I thought you didn’t confess to him.”

“I was going to. I was finally going to do it. But then I screwed things up, as usual. And before I got the chance, he said he loved someone else.”

Something cold leaches through him, making his limbs feel heavy on her mattress.

“I’m so sorry,” he says softly.

Marinette blinks, gaze still fixed upward, and a tear leaks out of the corner of her eye. “I wish I had something to be angry about. That we’d dated and he dumped me. Or we got into a horrible fight. Something. But there’s nothing. He’s wonderful, and kind, and selfless, and the truth is … he just doesn’t love me. That’s it.”

He wants to hold her, wants to squeeze her tight and give her every bit of warmth he has, as if just that could heal her heart. But all he can do is lie there, trying in vain to swallow down the lump in his throat.

“He’s not good enough for you,” he says at last.

“Yes, he is.” She turns her head to him, eyes shining. “He’s so good. That’s what made me fall for him.”

There’s movement deep in his chest, a familiar swelling in the space behind his ribs.

“On the first day we met, I was horrible to him,” she goes on. “I thought he was stuck up and rude. But I had him all wrong. He was so patient with me. So gentle. He even gave me his umbrella.”

He blinks. “What?”

“I guess this is it, then.” She sighs. “I’m never going to fall out of love with Adrien Agreste.”

His breath hitches in his throat, and then his lungs explode.

Marinette sits bolt upright. “Chat! Are you okay?”

He tries to speak, but he’s choking on roses, full-blossomed and wine dark. He gets to his feet and pushes open the skylight.

“What are you doing?” Marinette asks. “You can’t leave. Not like this. Stay until it passes. Stay with me. Chat. Please.”

Something rips open inside him, and he’s almost surprised the flowers aren’t bleeding from his open chest now. He registers vaguely that some of the petals are paler than usual, but he doesn’t have the energy to think about what that means.

He heaves himself through the window, but Marinette grabs onto his belt, just like she did that first night, and he can’t stop himself from looking back.

She stares up at him from a pool of yellow and red and pink, kneeling in the heart of their joint garden.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and then he jumps from the roof while another blossom lodges in his throat.

***

Marinette sits on a bench, head bowed over her sketchbook.

Adrien watches her from the opposite end of the courtyard. Part of him wants to leave before she notices him. Disappear from her life forever. But part of him wants to hold her tight and never let go.

(He can’t decide which would hurt worse. Which would hurt her worse.)

She catches his eye and offers a little wave. He tells himself to just wave back and leave, but his feet move against his will, and then he’s standing right in front of her.

“Hi,” he says. “Can I sit?”

“Sure.” She smiles, and he aches.

If he loved Marinette, he could save her. But his love for Ladybug isn’t going anywhere—he loves her so much that it’s literally killing him. Even now, he can feel it, a wild garden bursting in his lungs.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

“That looks really good,” he says, nodding at her sketch as he sits down. It’s a formal gown with blossoms cascading down the bodice and onto the skirt. On the side of the page is a flowering tree branch. “Are those cherry blossoms?”

“Plum blossoms, actually,” she says. “I was named after them.”

His brows scrunch. “Marinette?”

“No, Mei Hua. My Chinese name.” She looks down at the paper. “My mom told me that in China, they bloom in the middle of winter. They symbolize hope and perseverance, because even in the bleakest, coldest time of year, they thrive and bring beauty to everyone around them.”

She looks up with another smile. “I always liked that idea. I even made a design with meihua, to remind me that good things are possible even when it seems hopeless.” She gestures to the flowers on her little pink bag.

There’s a tug inside his chest. He remembers every moment he’s spent with her—laughing over nothing, dropping petals on her mattress, wearing his heart on his sleeve with the only friend who ever knew what it was like to hurt this way. A sanctuary for the secret he could share with no one else.

She’s like a plum blossom, he decides. The way she opened slowly to show him all her layers, all the beautiful things hidden in her heart. The way she can brighten a bad day just by being there. The way she makes him feel so warm inside when the world outside feels cold.

He doesn’t realize that he’s staring until pink dusts her cheeks.

“What?” she asks.

Warmth blooms inside him. “I just think … that’s the perfect name for you.”

***

marinettedesigned

you okay?

notchatnoir

yeah

marinettedesigned

you didnt look good last time i’ve been worried

notchatnoir

im doing better now thanks

marinettedesigned

did i do something wrong?

notchatnoir

what? no, why would you think that?

marinettedesigned

idk, i thought you were mad at me for some reason and that’s why you haven’t been coming over

notchatnoir

no no, i’ve just had some stuff going on sorry i havent messaged

marinettedesigned

i miss you

notchatnoir

i miss you too

marinettedesigned

are we ok?

notchatnoir

yeah we’re gonna be ok

***

In the light of the dying sun, the whole world is the color of buttercups.

He sits on a roof by the girl he loves, breathing its gold into lungs that burn and burn.

“Chat Noir,” she says, “I have to tell you something.”

Ladybug’s red is stark against the yellow sky. She turns toward him, eyes full of something he can’t quite name.

“What is it, milady?”

She takes a breath. “I love you.”

A jolt runs through him. “What?” he croaks.

“I’m in love with you.”

“You—you are?”

She nods, watching him closely behind her mask.

She’d said it. She’d finally said it. After all this time. All this waiting. All this pain. She loves him back. He waits for his lungs to finally clear, for the pressure in his chest to lift, for his heart to feel light for the first time since they met.

He feels it rise inside him—the joy, the freedom—but there’s something still holding him down, blocking him up. A balloon tied to an anchor.

“How do you feel?” she says quickly. “Are they gone?”

“Are they … wait, you know? You know about—”

His chest squeezes, and he can’t hold back the petals that pour from his mouth—a delicate pink, like the inside of a seashell.

“No, no!” Ladybug clutches her head in her hands. “You’re still sick, and it’s all because of me, and—”

“Ladybug,” he says hoarsely. He grips her shoulders, forcing her to meet his eyes. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is.” Tears are spilling from her eyes now, over her mask and down her cheeks. “This is because of my—because … because …”

She doubles over, coughing into her hands, and he catches a flash of something bright. She tries to hide it, but he gently pulls her hands down to see what’s resting in her palms.

A flower, sunshine yellow.

He stares. The petals go fuzzy before his eyes, and then he looks up, blinking her back into focus.

“Marinette?” he breathes.

She bites her lip, mask scrunched over her eyes. “You weren’t … you’re not supposed to know! But—but you deserve to know. You have to know why I can’t heal you. It’s not enough that I love you. Because I still love—”

“—Adrien,” he says.

She nods, wiping at her mask. “I’m sorry.”

Just like that, the weight in his lungs disappears, and he can breathe.

“Marinette.” He grabs her hands. “You’re the pink petals.”

“What?”

“Look. They’re plum blossoms. Meihua. Your name.”

She stares down at the petals strewn around them. Then she lifts her head, eyes wide.

He squeezes her hands. “You’re the pink petals. And I’m the buttercups.”

Her lips part, and he hears the breath catch in her throat. “You’re …”

“Adrien,” he whispers. “I’m Adrien.”

The yellow-gold light kisses her face, and he wants to do the same. He brings a hand up to cradle her cheek.

“All this time,” she says breathlessly. “All this time it was you?”

“It was me. And it was you.” He grins, lowering his hand. “Turns out you were the ketchup after all, huh?”

She laughs softly. “Shut up.”

“Well, Ladymato—”

She stops him with a kiss, holding his face in both her hands.

“I’m serious,” she murmurs. “Just shut up.”

Then her lips are back on his, and he forgets whatever joke he was about to make.

Something blooms inside his chest, and this time, it doesn’t burn.

[jungk0oksthighs]

after months of not really making time for my friends and low-key pushing them away when my mental health was at its worst it’s been so nice see them and make new memories together over the past 3 days

thursday - went for a carvery n cake followed by a shopping trip with my bestie Alex was amazing 10/10 need to do it more often instead of constantly online shopping cause it’s so much better irl / thursday night me n her got drunk in her hot tub and had a sleepover (we watched HP1 in our matching HP pjs hehe) bc her bf was out of town

friday - went for a coffee with my bestie Betty and had a drive out to another city to go exploring / then we decided super last minute to go on a night out and it was 10/10 i convinced a dj to play that that by psy n suga n there was a pole in the club so u can imagine the scenes (turns out that that is a great song to pole dance to and gets you a lot of free drinks)

saturday - tonight i went to see my friend Lauren we had pizza and got cosy on the sofas with blankets and snacks and watched all of the simpsons halloween episodes in order while catching up, we used to work together but shes changed jobs so was good to see she’s doing well! on my way home i stopped at my friend Ashleigh’s house who gave birth to her first child yesterday!!!! i took her a McDonald’s and gave her my left over snacks cause i know she’s gonna be tired and baby is honestly the cutest i only had a little peek then left cause i didn’t want to overwhelm Ash but was still so lovely to see her & her now little family!

idk why i’m sharing all of this i guess i just wanna express my gratitude for my friends they’re amazing girls and i’ve loved every second spent with them n they’ve all been really understanding about my diagnosed sadness - that being said i’m so happy to be at home in bed now my social battery has completely burned out i can’t wait to have a lie in tomorrow and just do nothing. sorry i’ve been pretty inactive while i’ve been so busy, regular jungkook shit posting will resume tomorrow, along with the oto finale tomorrow night! i hope everybody enjoys the rest of their weekend, goodnight guys i’ll officially be back on here tomorrow x

[seungstarss]

SEI BFF!! HRU? i hope you’re doing well <333 it feels like it’s been forever since i’ve sent you an ask 😭💔 i’m so sorry abt that bae 🤕☹️ i’ve been less active recently on tumblr bc i was mainly trying to both distract myself from the fact school’s starting again & also start prepping to return 🤧 unfortunately i go back tmrw morning … but i’m hoping the day goes by well & that i at least know someone in each class 🙏🙏 anyways what have you been up to recently bestie? doing anything fun? i hope you’re taking care of yourself & getting lots of rest!! have a great day/night sei & ilysm ♡♡

FAE MY LOML HI!! ♡♡♡ omg noo don't even worry about it, tbh I've been inactive on tjis acc too but I hope you're doing well too!! Omg school tmr??? What 😥🥶 nah cause the sound of that is threatening frfr,,,, but I really do hope you enjoy it! Maybe you can meet new people this year too, but in general I hope you have a great first day back tmr! Ik school is so annoying but sometimes I'm sitting in my room with nothing to do wishing I still had school HAHA 💀💀💀 but lmk how everything goes!! And I've been doing okay :)) I'm just enjoying the last month of my break until I have to start school too 😭 but I hope u have a great day/night too fae!! Ily!

[hazzabeeforlou]

Hi, I’m Toni.

Got a slew of new followers and I’ve been almost inactive the last half a year (at least) so wanted to do an update/intro so you know who I am LOL and so my long suffering fandom besties know what the fuck’s been going on (if anyone still cares rip sorry it’s been forever)

Currently writing this from my sick bed of ear cellulitis? That I got from wearing my mask? It would literally only happen to me. Had to go to urgent care and get a butt shot of antibiotics so it didn’t, you know, spread to my bloodstream :)

Anyways I say that to say that I probably got sick in the first place because I’m incredibly run down right now. The classical music world (im a professional musician) FINALLY opened up again, and to meet gig demands I only work my pandemic retail job once a week. I have been traveling the last four weekends in a ROW, which, due to my chronic pain (which has seen SOME improvement over the last year!!) makes me super duper exhausted and I have to admit tik tok has been getting most of my brain numbing time.

Life post-happy drugs has been tough. I’ve seen improvement in the areas I wanted to, physically, but mentally god. Drugs were nice. Anywho, I’ve done a ton of witchy/ancestral connecting/herbalist kinda things the last six months, and I now have an alter and a spiritual practice that has really brought me a lot of growth and meaning. It’s hard healing from your past when you’re still living IN it… and there’s no improvement with my parents. They’re still homophobic as hell and Republican as fuck, despite screaming matches. The threats of physical violence prevent me from confronting my dad any further. I’ve kind of given up hoping they will ever change.

It’s funny though, I would classify this year as the year I started to “feel” things, and of course that happened physically post the drugs, but also emotionally once I started to let myself FEEL emotions, god what a train wreck. Who knew humans could CRY so much? That emotional revelation led to the probably overdue realization that I’m likely Autistic and high masking, and have been suffering from that classic 30’s wall that “gifted girl high masking autistic children” eventually hit wherein they are no longer able to just push through and ignore. That’s been tough.

Writing has always been how I process and understand emotions, and now that I’ve started to actually FEEL them, it hasn’t become as essential to my functioning as it had been the last six or so years. I miss it, and I plan on finishing all my projects I left behind… as I’ve said many time The Garden part 3 IS coming I promise lol. But! Hopefully. And no promises. But I have the most delightful Christmas fic tucked into my head that I would love to publish this year, if I can find the time to get it on paper.

Okay as for fandom… I did a “growth thing” earlier this year and deleted all the bbygate stuff I’d been saving for the inevitable end. I just can’t anymore. All the photoshop, the blatant exploitation of it all… yeah I think the best option is just not to care. If they’re gonna drag this out for the rest of my life then I’m going to ignore the shit out of it. Speaking of ignoring, I also noped out of the H and O nonsense. God. What a MESS. I liked HH, truly, but the fave for me was Matilda. To be honest with you all, I listened until I grew naturally full of the album and I moved on with my life, it wasn’t world changing to me the way FL was. HOWEVER. FITF? Lord save me i didn’t even know it was coming out and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m fucking obsessed. I’m planning a MP. I genuinely think it’s Louis’ finest work and I can’t get enough of it. Every time I listen I like it MORE. I theorize it’s going to be a slow blooming album that smacks everyone’s expectations in the face. I’m so fucking proud of Louis. I bawled real ugly tears at Common People.

And lastly as always, I believe the boys were in love but I make no claims about their lives now. I enjoy the hints and speculation and love larrying along, but I think they’ve established these personas that are bulletproof to fan speculation these days, and I feel that’s how they truly want it. And that’s cool, won’t stop me from writing Larry because it was the truest gayest baby Star crossed lovers story out there and still makes the best fan fic.

Apologies for the novel but nice to meet you if you’re new HI I’M TRYING TO BE BACK to my old chums, and feel free as always to talk to me, my ask box is always open ❤️

[flowered-mp3]

vermillion pt. 3 sneak peek

hi besties, sorry for my inactivity lately. my inspiration has been running very low. luckily, i got a burst of motivation today, probably from all the books that i’ve been reading lately. i know that some of u have seen my grishaverse deep dive, and my motivation stems from reading about that world that i’m still falling in love with. hope that this makes up for my inactivity. love u guys, and thank you for your constant support <3

[works in progress]

p.s. this is unedited lmao. warnings include cursing and abuse.

✧✧✧

Jaebeom is normally quite comfortable with silence. In fact, it’s preferable. For him, nothing is better than tranquil, subdued quiet, especially in combination with the outdoors and a good book.

But at this moment, silence is his absolute worst enemy.

He’s on one of the obligatory, routine, and patronizing walks with you around the palace, and you haven’t said a single word to him since the events of last week. To make matters worse, the rest of his inner circle will be arriving within the evening. 

In a brief moment of distraction, his eyes trail towards the expansive window on his right, extending down the brightly lit hallway. It gives him a distant view of the human party marching towards the vampire capital, the Lim family sigil; a sun pierced by a golden arrow in a field of vermillion, glaringly apparent in contrast to the white snow. Half of him is relieved to have humans around for the first time in months, but the other half is undeniably anxious when the memories of the journey come flashing back. 

It was arduous and rough at the best of times, all because of the harsh climate, cold weather conditions, and eternal night. You would never be able to tell the time of day here, and it’s a far cry from the temperate warmth of the south. While his inner circle is accustomed to less-than-ideal travelling conditions, he’s sure that the pompous, silver spoon royals from that marching party would complain about it. 

Jaebeom nearly wants to pull his own hair out at the stress of it all. He has to defend his people in enemy territory and deal with maintaining a somewhat favourable relationship with his betrothed.

Unfortunately, it’s safe to say that he isn’t doing a very good job at the latter.

Jaebeom is stubborn and enduring, but for some reason, your impenetrable wordlessness chips at his restraint. Every single passing second without a word almost makes him want to scream in frustration. He doesn’t know if he wants to scream at the universe for placing him here, or his father for making him marry you, or you for your unrelenting stubbornness, or himself for being so incredibly attracted to that aspect of your personality, but he just wants to scream.

“You’re upset with me,” he grits out, desperately forcing his urges down. His tone causes you to freeze mid-walk. The muscles in your back visibly tense through the sheer mesh of your dress, and he squeezes his fists even harder at the sight.

“I am not upset,” you answer, and the feigned calmness of your expression makes his blood run hot.

“Tell me what is upsetting you,” he pushes, attempting to decipher if those are the correct words to use. After all, he’s supposed to seduce you in a sense, and he’s been doing a pretty piss poor job at it. But judging by the way that your right eye twitches, those were not the correct words to use.

He should’ve known; you do not take commands from him. Or anyone, really.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop giving me orders?” you answer, expression starting to become familiar to him again.

He can’t help but allow the corner of his lip to quirk upwards. There we go.

Fiery. Defiant. Confidence that would be confused with arrogance if not for what he’s observed over the last couple of weeks.

“Stop trying to fix something that isn’t there. It is none of your concern,” you add before resuming your walk. His nostrils flare and his jaw tightens, but he forces it down.

“You are my concern because you are my wife-”

“I am not your wife,” you correct viciously, “We are not married.”

Jaebeom re-evaluates, realizing in the moment that reminding you of your attachment to him is a decidedly horrible idea.

“Well, something is bothering you. I apologize if my concern offended you,” he amends, hoping that the added apology will give him something; anything to put him in your good graces.

Instead, you sigh in exasperation and give him the same, monotonous answer that is so far from the truth that it makes every single polite vein in his body to disappear.

He saw you in that room, magic flaring out in spontaneous bursts as you nearly strangled a councilman to a second death. He saw you in that dimly lit hallway, exposed and bare and terrified. He saw you sneak around your own castle as if you’re the stranger, as he is not. Something is definitely amiss and if he has to poke and prod for you to give him the information that he wants, he’ll do it.

“You’re such a shit liar, you know that?”

You stop again. This time, your entire body whips around, eyes narrowing.

“I beg your pardon?” you seethe, stomping over to him with your fists clenching at your sides.

That’s it, he thinks, pleased that you gave him a genuine reaction for the first time in weeks. Anger and frustration make people slip up, and he’s convinced that you are not the exception.

“You,” he challenges with a cock of his head, purposefully asserting himself in your presence, “Are a shit. Fucking. Liar.”

Your jaw clenches at that, nostrils flaring with your brows furrowing deeper than before. If he really pays attention, he’s able to catch that little spark that you get in your eyes when you’re particularly vexed. It’s a sight that he’s accustomed to by now (whether that fact is positive or not, he has no idea.).

Then, just as his gaze drifts away from your eyes, your lips part. Surely, it’s to tell him off. To curse at him. Or, if he’s lucky, you’ll break and tell him exactly what’s been going on.

However, you surprise him by abiding by none of those predictions.

It’s as if whatever you were going to say is now caught in your throat.

It confuses him for a moment, but he catches the sight of his brother speaking to your uncle from the corner of his eye. The two of them are just down the hall; you must’ve sensed them as you explained the other evening. Youngjae is facing away from the balcony, but your uncle is facing it, staring at you both with a leering eye. 

To an outside spectator, nothing about it would be amiss but it’s in the way that you step closer to him, as if to conceal yourself from your uncle’s gaze. That action is uncharacteristic to the woman that he’s come to know as of late, and the contrast has him concerned. Then, he recalls the comments that the King made at one of the previous meetings about you, and it’s starting to make some sense.

He begins to wonder if the relationships within the Styrian royal family are strained, because it seems to him that there’s something that’s hidden behind closed doors. That instability could prove to be a vital striking point if his father wants to crumble the Styrian royals from the inside. However, that possibility sinks to the back of his mind when your discomfort becomes glaringly apparent, based on your stiff posture, tightened jaw, and fidgeting fingers.

Remembering his father’s words, he steps into your uncle’s line of vision, meeting your eyes as a consequence. The moment that it happens, you’re brought out of whatever trance that he initially saw.

“Your Highness?” you question, oblivious to his inner turmoil. It seems to him that you’re expecting another insult to be thrown your way but instead, he increases the pace of his steps, tugging you along the length of the hallway and away from your uncle’s invading eyes.

Unaware of his true intentions, you tease him, “What? Run out of insults to give me?”

Jaebeom doesn’t reply. Instead, he smiles at your moderately confused face and presses his palm against the base of your back. He’s silent, wordlessly urging you to not look back as his pace hastens.

He wants so badly to seem unaffected, but his brain is not communicating with the rest of him. He’s affected to the degree that his mind continues to battle with his father’s words. He wants to conceal the sudden protectiveness that he has over you, but concern starts to bleed through his stoic façade. You fail to take note, however.

Or, do you?

Perhaps, he is imagining the softening eyes that contrast your icy and distant expression.

The realization however, comes too late. Before he’s able to give any words of acknowledgement, you pull away from him, as if his touch is a trigger.

“If you’ll excuse me,” you say over your shoulder, your cordial tone unable to tame the flames that seem to dance behind your eyes.

He should reach out. Ask for more time with you. The lingering sensation of your cool touch against his warm skin does nothing but exacerbate the compulsion. But instead, his attention is caught by a man that he never intends to speak to.

“May I have a word with you, Your Highness?” your uncle asks him, and Jaebeom slowly turns around to see King Jiho’s thin, gaunt face, eyes dim and uncomfortably calculating.

✧✧✧

[vldkeith]

sorry to ask this to you, but you're the first active voltron blog I found: do you happen to have any active blog recs who are poc? or know anyone that might? i followed a few poc voltron fans from before, but they are mostly inactive now, so I just wanted to know if there was any of us still posting regularly. it's okay if you don't, thanks!

hi no problem! i’m afraid i only follow like. not even 10 total voltron blogs atm, but here are some great users from those i do follow :)

@pinkbayard discord bestie…weirdly good adam roleplayer…allura lover and klance enjoyer…yeah❤️

@kosmo-mckogane jai my mortal enemy (or something) <3

@klance-daydreams klance day the best klance artist ever ‼️

@leggylance the og. you probably already follow her fjdhdjdbk

[chrisbangs]

Your presence on tumblr is a little comforting to me. I know that may sound sort of weird considering we’re strangers and never held a proper conversation. I remember when I first got into skz, they had just debuted and there really wasn’t a ton of content of them on tumblr but there were a few creators that I noticed often. And though I never really interacted a whole lot with those creators, it was nice to see them and get to know them from afar. I feel like many of those creators are either now inactive or deleted their account, which bums me out. You’re probably one of the only people who’s still here. And I’m not exactly sure what it is but it just feels a little comforting that you’re still around on tumblr. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re close in age? I did send a few asks in the past too and I remember you being very sweet to me…I actually just reread one of your responses to me and it made me cry a little (in a good way) since I’m not doing so great right now. Anyways, thank you for being here! I enjoy your content (including your rants) and I think you’re hilarious and sweet

hello ☹️🖤 !! i just happened to see this while i was doing some work and when i tell you i had to take a break to just cry my silly little eyes out 😭😭 whhh my heart 😓🤍

firstly :( noo it's not weird bc i feel the exact same way... i mean like... i'm miserable without the og stayblr i won't lie 😭 as nice and fun as things can be- ive said it 100 times- nothing will compare to stayblr for me in the earlier days 😞💔 idk.. it was always so much fun and everyone was so funny and warm and easy going and idk :( it was such a small warm community ?? and the fact that most of those ppl who i made friends with kinda deleted or just drifted away from here like .. part of me is like yes bestie u go live ur life away from stayblr dot hell but 😭 also the way i miss them and 2018 stayblr 😭💔 idk maybe i'm just kinda bitter and jaded abt current stayblr but.. it's just not the same to me personally anymore 🫡

and no i totally get it 😞 idk it feels like solidarity or a lil warm hug cause you've seen this person since what feels like forever ago and just been around with them and idk.. it's comforting!! they've been there in any sort of capacity right... like they're just there 🚶‍♂️ ?? idk how to explain it but you're right it is comforting 😭😭

😭😭 omg .. please :( no tears !!! im hugging u with all my love and warmth please 😭😭 im really sorry you're not doing great atp 😓 believe me it's the vibe of life rn but im :( cheering you on!! :(( i really hope whatever it is, that you can overcome it and it won't be pressuring / upsetting you forever 😭 i am sending all my love and :( hugs and warmth to you :(

i just wanted to say thanku for this ask... i feel really unwelcome and miserable on this blog ngl so 🚶‍♂️ ive been spending less and less time here :(( but this made me really idk.. happy sad 😭 like i'm glad ppl still think of me and would want my content but it also makes me so sad that other ppl feel this way too 🚶‍♂️ life kinda sucks HSNSKDNDKD 😭😭 anyway :( thanku for saying smth so kind to me.. idk if i even deserve it but :(( your words meant a lot 😭🖤🌙🐺 :(((