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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years ago

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the unseen one - 28

Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: death

A/N: we’re close to the end and i’m getting really emotional over this ending soon 😭 also did i write this watching the death scene in west side story? yes i did so i was sobbing through this.

Next Chapter

To say that Bucky had been ignoring her was the understatement of the century.

With the excuse that she probably needed some fresh air rather than being in the meadows, Bucky had sent her a week ago to be at the Elysium with Hecate and the other maidens. Despite all her protesting and fighting against the idea of being in the Elysium, Buck had gotten the upper hand and without any argument on his part or even a single word, left her at the care of Hecate, who was probably acting just as weird as him. Before he left he had promised to visit but those visits were as short as seconds where it looked like he’d check on her, kiss her forehead and then leave again. He said that it would be better for her to be an environment similar to that where she used to live but in all honesty, she was certain the pollution in Brooklyn was worse than the meadows.

She spent her days questioning Hecate and the maidens as to why Bucky was suddenly busier than Santa on Christmas Eve but they would just say it was all on her head. It wasn’t. Even back when she was in Brooklyn, he’d come to visit more often. It also did not help that everyone in the Elysium treated her like she was made out of glass, not allowing her to do any work and basically leaving her sat on one of the stone benches with a book until night time where she would sleep in Hecate’s quarters. Psyche and Ariadne would come to visit regularly with stories of their husbands and other tales with the rest of the greek pantheon.

Those visits had quickly became the only thing Y/N held onto and the only way she could get news from Bucky. She would constantly nag both mortal turned goddesses about him, wondering if he had finally grown tired of her but they would reassure her he was just busy. Somehow, everyone seemed to know more than her, almost as if they had locked her into a glass bubble.

Today was like any other day, she was walking down the gardens, one of the books she had been lent in hand, trying to free her mind from the countless thoughts telling her Bucky was tired of her, he didn’t want to deal with her anymore, when she felt it again. The dizziness, the light headiness hitting her like a freight train. The book slide off her hands as she allowed her legs to hit the stone of one of the several marbled benches all over the Elysium’s gardens, sitting down to steady herself. She felt weak, cold again.

- Y/N? - a few maidens noticed this change in posture, rushing to her side to check on her as if she were an injured person. Her hands were laying on her lap as Hecate checked the motion, taking her hands in hers and immediately sensing the coldness of them.

- Notify the king. - she heard her tell one of her maidens but the words looked further away, detached even. - Y/N? Can you hear me?

- Yeah. - she managed to take herself off that plane of thinking. - I’m alright, just dizziness.

Hecate nodded, allowing Y/N to be alone for a while. She knew better not to try and force care onto her, specially because Y/N had become specially good at running and hiding. Hiding was what she felt right now, so, as per usual, she took shelter into the dying Grooves that seemed to now be flourishing with various amounts of white roses. She sat against the bark of one of the dying trees, trying to fight the tears threatening to come out of her eyes. She knew nothing, Bucky barely visited and she felt like the more time she felt in the Elysium the more miserable she felt. She missed him, missed seeing his messy hair or how he would bit onto his pens whenever he was looking at paperwork.

- My lady? - she was too busy in her own miserable thought pattern she didn’t notice the presence of someone else in the Grooves. She cleaned the corners of her eyes with the fabric of her dress, turning to see the same lady from the golden threads. - I knew it was you.

- I’m sorry, I just ... I just really need to by myself right now. - workers of the Elysium tended to have curiosity about the mortal, something Y/N didn’t really mind but right now she wanted to understand.

- Something seems to be on your mind, milady. Might I guess it must have something to do with the God of the Underworld? - she took a seat by her side, basket in hand. - Overthinking minds don’t look at thing clearly.

- I guess you’re right. - she chuckled.

- Here. - she took a pomegranate from her basket, handing it to Y/N who suspiciously took it. How funny, this small fruit had started it all. - Mortals tend to look at it and interpret it in various wrong ways. I’ve never seen a single mortal or deity who ever understood what the pomegranate really means.

- What would that be?

- Love. The type of love that makes you go against the forces of nature, crazy, unthinking love. After all, the god of the Underworld fed it to his bride when the danger of losing her came about and she ate it willingly.

- Some mortals think she was forced into eating it.

- A goddess can’t be forced into the Underworld, my lady.

Meanwhile, Bucky had been mid meeting with Zeus when one of the handmaidens came rushing into the room like a maniac. His heart stopped as he saw her standing there, mind running wild as to why she would be here, to if Y/N was still alright, still alive. However, the news she carried didn’t ease out the heart clench. She was dying a little every single day and James was watching powerless. The past week had been filled with a platoon of meetings along with various gods to determine the cause as to why she was losing her life source. It came to no surprise that a mortal in the Underworld is unnatural and the way the forces of nature have to deal with that is to regain balance by turning a mortal into the state at which they belong into the Underworld.

The problem that stood once more was the same problem, taking her away from a contract she had unwillingly signed by eating the fruit of the dead. Most gods did not want the contract broken however James knew exactly who was easy to break down and that was Zeus. Zeus, god of the Gods, he could go against laws of the Underworld if he wanted and right now despite all attempts, he still refused to return Y/N to the mortal realm.

In a twisted manner, he seemed to enjoy watch the god of the Underworld walk around miserable knowing someone was dying and he couldn’t do anything. Knowing the all powerful who could order the death of whomever he pleased couldn’t control the fate of the one he cared for. At least the one who still remembered him but after she passed, it wouldn’t be long til that too disappeared.

James had even threatened ordering the death of whatever demigods related to Zeus still roamed the Earth, but he only laughed at those empty threats. What would that help in his case? It wouldn’t. He was powerless in this situation and Zeus was relishing on it.

- I wonder if she’ll make it to the Elysium. - Zeus thought out loud, making James’ blood boil. - You should’ve expected this. Besides, mortals die everyday, you’ve seen your fair share of relatives dying. She’s just one more.

- If I marry your daughter, will you break her contract to the Underworld?

James didn’t want to be married to Aphrodite. Being married to Aphrodite meant Zeus would forever have control over him, over the Underworld and he would just be someone else’s puppet again. But yet again, he had been HYDRA’s puppet for decades and if being a puppet to Zeus for centuries to come meant Y/N would be safely back into her life, free to do what she wanted, then he would do it.

Zeus face twisted into that of someone who had won the lottery, imagining the countless opportunities. Not only would it put the control of the Underworld onto his only and direct bloodline, it would rather amuse his daughter which was no small feat.

- I’ll make sure your daughter becomes Queen of the Underworld as long as Y/N is returned to her home, unharmed. - he sat down in his chair, looking at a petal from the sunflower she had given fall into the soil of the pot. - She returns home today.

- I can ensure she returns safely to the mortal real but I won’t supply her with any protection once she’s there.

- She gets there safely and I follow the end of my deal. - he extended his hand up to him, looking at the sunflower.

Y/N had put the pomegranate in the pocket of her gown, returning to walk around the Elysium like a lost soul with a book in hand. She had probably read the same book several times in the space of a day, but she didn’t feel like bothering James asking for another book. She was a burden as she was. She closed the book, holding against her chest and huffing, getting ready to return to the rest of the maidens once she saw Bucky’s figure at the distance.

A smile stretched itself on her lips as she grabbed the fabric of the gown and used whatever was left of her strength to run over to him. Her feet paddled onto the grass as she finally reached him, wrapping her arms around him in what James thought was the loveliest, warmest hug he’d ever felt. She kissed his chest, holding his head as she stared onto his blue eyes.

- You’re late. - she teased, caressing his jaw with her ring finger.

- You can go home, lovely. - he smiled, kissing the crown of her head. - You can finally return home.

- What do you mean home? I’m home, I’m with you. - she wrapped her fingers around his.

- No, sunflower. You get to go home to Brooklyn.

- Buck, is that why you’ve been so distant lately? - he leaned his face against her touch, wondering how long it would be before he could do that again. Before he could feel her warmest touch.

- I’ll explain later, sunflower. Zeus is waiting for you and he’s not very found of waiting.

She followed him out of the Elysium, turning back to see what had been her normality for the past month and then back to him. She didn’t really know what to expect once she reached Brooklyn again, she didn’t know how she would act with Anne or if she even had a job back at the nursery. She didn’t know. Did returning to the home which she was once homesick for meant not seeing Bucky again?

Her mind was running wild with possibilities. She should be happy, she should be happy to return to her normality, she wasn’t a goddess, she didn’t belong here, she belonged up above with her people, with her daily runs and her jokes with co-workers. However, she wasn’t happy, she was worried, worried about Bucky, worried about herself.

Maybe, had she had the time to discuss it out she could’ve cleared up her doubts but it seemed like in a flash Bucky has handing her off to Zeus, kissing her and telling her it would be okay. It wouldn’t be okay, he didn’t look okay and she didn’t feel okay. She didn’t understand why she had even been thrown in the Elysium for a week, she knew nothing.

- I got to give you to you, Y/N. - Zeus took her off her own thoughts. - If I had known that all it took to get my way was for you to almost die, I would’ve made sure it happened sooner.

- Almost die? - she scrunched her face, stopping on her path which made the god of gods stop too. - What do you mean almost die? And what do you mean by getting your way?

- Why do you think you’re feeling so weak, lately? Mortals don’t belong in the Underworld unless they’re dead and you can only fight the forces of nature for so long until they win. - it hit her like a freight train and she didn’t know if too feel mad or upset with James for hiding it. It finally made sense, the Elysium, the constant sick like treatment she got from people who originally despised her and James’ willingness to let her go so soon. - Besides, he made me an offer I just couldn’t refuse.

- What offer?

- Let’s say, the Underworld will be under my control as it should’ve always been. You can turn a mortal into a god but unless they’re controlled, they’ll never do their job correctly.

Y/N took a step back, the room seemed to start spinning. Under control. Under control. The once controlled Winter Soldier pictures came back to her mind, how he had told her about how the only good thing about being a god was being able to do whatever he pleased, not being controlled. Now here he was back again, under someone’s thumb and it was her fault. At those thoughts, much to Zeus’ confusion, she took another step back. Her eyes lingered over the pomegranate laying still on the pocket of her gown and then back to Zeus.

- Can I ... can I go back? I forgot something.

- I’m sure he’ll probably get someone to bring it up to you. I don’t have all time.

- I’ll be back in no time, I promise. - she swore and he sighed, pointing his arm out back to the meadows and once again she was holding onto her dress, rushing down to the meadows. She could feel her heart beat faster and her legs begging her to give up, head pounding like a drum. The once path that seemed so short was now very long but still all she could think about was running, running back into his home which she eventually did.

The sound of her crashing through his door had alarmed James whose eyes widened at seeing her standing there, breathless against the door. She gripped onto the door, eyes gazing with James as she felt her body give up of her. Feeling she was about to faint, Bucky rushed over to her, holding her against his torso not sure if he was mad she had ran back or worried that he desperately needed to bring her back to her path.

- Y/N, you need to come back alright. - he pushed the hair away from her face but she only gave him a soft smile raising half a pomegranate with whatever was left of her strength.

- I’m afraid I spoiled your plans. - the fruit rolled away. James world collapsed as he thought about ways to get Zeus to break the contract again. Gods, he would beg on his knees for it. - You’ve died before right?

- Stop talking about that. We nee ...

- Does it hurt? - she interrupted him, clutching onto his torso. Her breathe got unruly and the once easy act of breathing became the hardest thing she ever could do. Noticing the will in her eyes, the decision she had taken, he soften his approach.

- No, sunflower. It’s like falling asleep.

- Falling asleep sounds nice. - she caressed his face, that familiar feeling of going into a deep slumber reaching fast. - I love you, Bucky.

- I love you too, sunflower.

She was wrapped into that tempting slumber that had been pulling at her, the last thing heard being James telling her to awake up but there was nothing left now. Just darkness.

Darkness and silence.

tag list: @philogrobizedvee @keithseabrook27 @inlovewith319 @nwbstan @romanoffs-heart

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lifesux4mostofus · 3 years ago

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I no longer care.

But that’s a lie. 24 hours unable to end a nightmare that kept getting worse and then 3 hours of restless sleep before my body finally let me rest. For a split second it was a foggy weird dream. That pit in my stomach wasn’t there not til the next second. When everything came rushing back.

Hitting me w so much force that my body started involuntarily shaking bc suddenly my skin was cold to the touch of a fur blanket. Suddenly my mouth was dryer and my thoughts start moving faster remembering everything I was at the bliss of almost pretending didn’t happen.

Trying to remember what I felt like before the one person in this world betrayed me and himself by acting on something he knew was wrong. You knew it was wrong and did it anyway.

Being so suffocated by your own thoughts and so cold bc suddenly all warmth is gone. And hell I have a cat fast asleep in peace on my lap. But I can’t even feel his warmth. I can’t even move much more than my two thumbs.

I have to go to work today. I have to pretend I’m okay today. And the next day. And the next day. And then I have to be stuck with you for nearly 9 days of vacation that a small part of me is SCREAMing at me to just tell my boss I’ve changed my mind. I want the work. I want to get away from you. I want to force myself past the part of my mind that is suddenly so hellbent on destroying another piece of my soul.

Depression is bad but that lasts a few days and then I feel like I was being dramatic and move on. This is. This is something I don’t know what to do with. Idk if there is a moving on. I hit walls of anger. Betrayal. Self loathing. Disappointment. And then just numb like maybe if I just wallow in my self pity of the irony of my life it’ll all stop. Or maybe I like this darkness bc I am grasping to hold onto it. Something. Anything. Any kind of comfort to close a wound of betrayal I didn’t know was ever going to open again.

And now it’s flowing and it won’t stop. Like a busted pipe. It won’t stop. I can’t turn it off. I wish I could turn it off. But rn I’m just stuck in reruns of everything inside my own head. No desire to eat. No desire to want to do anything aside from crawl back in the dark hole that for a few hours of rest I was able to escape to and pretend I’m over it and moving on bc I don’t remember what I need to be over or moving on from.

I asked to know. But what’s worse is you still tried to hide it after trying to be honest. I should’ve listened to my gut. I had that feeling. That feeling that something was wrong but you couldn’t put your finger on it. I told myself I was being dramatic and crazy two weeks ago for having that feeling. Turns out a part of me knew before you were willing to tell me. Maybe you never would have if I hadn’t pressed the issue. There’s a beauty in bliss. But I prefer to chaos of knowing. It’s a reminder that this. This is why I don’t let people in.

2.5 years of a relationship suppose to lead to forever. Leaving me feeling like it didn’t exist. All of the good times gone. You can blame me for drinking. But you can’t blame me for trying to enjoy my life and then the destruction coming towards you. You set things in motion that neither of us could begin to comprehend with choices I wasn’t aware you were making. I actually thought it was solely me that was the problem. You have a way of convincing others that your chaos if worse than theirs so if you feel it you’re a martyr. How pathetic. It doesn’t erase how I handled things. You were so bothered I was acting like your ex you chose to become worse than mine. Unfaithful. A cheater. Worse bc maybe not even physically but mentally. You stroked yourself to a woman I asked you not to speak to two years ago. I still have her and her exes harassment messages.

I don’t know what I’m suppose to do with this. My thoughts all seem chaotic and clustered that I’m not even sure if anything makes sense that I’m writing. It’s funny that I’m writing this knowing your at the edge of your seat waiting for me to write it. Like you deserve some kind of explanation of what’s going through my head. You don’t. The second you let other women into your thoughts is the second you didn’t deserve mine. But I’ll give it to you freely. Bc maybe you’ll feel something from reading this. I don’t know if you can fix this and I want to hate you for doing this knowing what it would break in me. I can’t just heal over and since I’m not drunk anymore and capable of yelling my betrayal at you pretend that now I’m sober and I was being too dramatic.

Hilarious that you’re such a whore that other woman and men have always been there. The whole time in your head. It was never just about me. You always wanted more and deep down maybe I knew that. But do you feel it? That sense of if I lose her I’ll never fix this hole? That it cuts so deep to the bone that you don’t know how to breathe? Or is that just me? Maybe you don’t feel anything at all bc you have been so hellbent on thinking w your dick and betraying me maybe you’re just in love w the idea of me. A part of me wonders. If only he’d actually touched someone. Maybe I’d have the strength then and things wouldn’t be so grey bc it’s not just black and white for me to stay or leave. 60$ and rumple you use to say to demean my choice in something. Funny that now it’s 60$ and then some to destroy nearly three years of a relationship. Even tho you’ve called me wife since day one. If this is your marriage choices? I don’t want it. You think I’m in love w the idea of you so much and that I only wanted a kid. And instead of loving me, you destroyed that love and all that’s left is my kid. That looks just like you, poor girl. She is the only good thing. Would you want this for her? If a man she loved did this to her and she felt like this.. would that be okay with you?

Lucky her. That this isn’t about her. I hope to shield her from hurt like this. I hope to give her and grow the strength so if this happens to her she leaves. She respects herself enough to leave a man like you doing this to her. Next time you jerk off to another woman remember that. Remember that you wouldn’t want this for her. You wouldn’t want the love of her life doing this to her knowing how betrayed and disgusting it’ll make her feel. I hope it kills your boner every time.

On that note I don’t have much left to say. You disappointed me. And I don’t know what to do with that. I can no longer decide between what’s best for her or best for me. I can no longer think much more than today and just dragging my feet to the next few. I don’t have it in me to make a choice to leave you or make the choice to stay. Idk how long I need to heal. Or if I can. Idk if I’ll ever trust you again bc your loyalty is no longer loyal. At this point I was going to say you might want to change your bio on Twitter. “Loyal as a dog”. You keep trying to say “it’s not like that”. It is like that. You look at your dick. You look at a photo and you pretend you aren’t disgustingly beating off like a creep you pretend that girl is on your dick. I know how it works. I was 15 once too. Before I decided the real thing was better than a paid for photo or even a free one. You keep making excuses for you. Poor joe. Poor poor joe and his horny thoughts he can’t control. Fuck. You. You are not the victim here.

Dogs are better than you. Dogs take time to heal before moving on from a dead owner. Some will even let themselves die.

Good people don’t stick around to play house while rubbing their dick to whores you pay for or even free ones when their girlfriends in bed waiting for them. Good people don’t destroy their families for a nut.

I am tired. So please just let me be. I don’t feel sorry for you. You did this to yourself. You did this to us.

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eabhaalynn · 5 years ago

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My 11 Songs of the Decade (because 10 would be boring and is overdone.)

Cigarette Daydreams �� Cage the Elephant

The song… This is the closing song of Cage the Elephant’s 2013 album, Melophobia, and the third single released from this album. It describes the pain of someone’s search for their own identity through the musings of a parted lover.

For me… To this day, this is the song I cry to. This always has been me and my friend Iona’s song. It will forever be inseparable from the Ulster Museum and Botanic Gardens in Belfast, from rainy summer’s days and rants about our seemingly massive problems with GCSEs and girls from school. When she went abroad for her gap year, I couldn’t bear to listen to it. It’s another one of these songs that manages to articulate what it feels like to be young and thinking too much.

Key lyric…If we can find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you can find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVJ0v6Vta8

Ribs – Lorde

The song… This is a deep house influenced electronica song that discusses Lorde’s stress over ageing. It was released on her debut album, Pure Heroine, in 2013. It begins ambiently and builds to become increasingly more frantic as the song progresses.

For me… Despite being released when I was a young teenager, this song was written when Lorde was sixteen or seventeen. It articulates exactly what it feels like to be that age, at that stage of life. I’m quite sure teenagers across the globe can relate to that. This song has been the soundtrack of my teenage years, the imagery is both relatable and accessible. Listening now, it gives me a sense of nostalgia, a yearning to be back where I was a year, or two or three years ago. Even now, it is the sound of being alone in a crowd. It is musically perfect, and a piece of exceptional songwriting.

Key lyric…This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary, getting old

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qaeoz_7cyE

Sign of the Times – Harry Styles

The song… This is Harry Style’s debut single as a solo artist. It was released in early 2017 and appears on his self-titled debut album. It is a power ballad with eclectic influences from genres such as soft rock, indie rock, glam rock and psychedelic soul. It features Styles’ vocals alongside choral harmonies throughout. It is essentially about avoiding emotion during times of grief and hardship.

For me…This is the song of me leaving school (for the first time). Listening to it now coughs up all the feelings of relief, and yet uncertainty. Excitement, but also nerves. Summer 2017 was a turning point for me. I had had a terrible couple of years over my GCSEs, and overall, my second school was a far better place for me to be than my first one ever was. At the time though, I didn’t know this. Sure, how could I? This song helped me figure out my feelings, and make sense of feeling happy when I really didn’t know what I should have felt at all.

Key lyric…We don't talk enough, we should open up Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before It's just what we know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN4ooNx77u0

Ride – Lana Del Rey

The song… This song comes from Lana Del Rey’s third EP, Paradise, released in 2012. It served as the first single of this re-release. It is a ballad that includes, among other themes, parental problems, loneliness and alcohol misuse. Del Rey sings over a string drenched, piano driven melody.

For me… This is the song of every summer. It has never been an exceptionally happy song for me, but it is the embodiment of what it is to feel young and alive, if a little bit tired. The glamour of it, alongside the acknowledgement that everything isn’t perfect, but that they will be okay if you just go with the flow, was exactly what I needed at the time it was released. The blissful uncertainty of the summers of being 14 and 15, partnered with the irrelevance of the future, is exactly what this song will always be about for me.

Key lyric… Been trying hard not to get into trouble But I, I've got a war in my mind I just ride, just ride

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0

Don’t Delete the Kisses – Wolf Alice

The song… This is the second single from Wolf Alice’s second album, Visions of a Life. It is characterised as dream pop, synth pop, shoegaze and indie rock. Frontwoman Rowsell referred to it as “one of those, you know, ‘head out the window on a long drive’ kind of tunes.’

For me… If ‘ribs’ is the sound of being seventeen, then surely this is the sound of falling in love. This song is the ultimate love song. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is greater than any one person as it is simply the sound of the feeling. I am very lucky that I actually was falling in love for the first time at the time this was released. I will always be indebted to Ellie Rowsell for being there to tell me in plain English how I was feeling. This song has defined every ‘lovey dovey’ mood I have been in for the last two and a half years. I’m sure most people of my age feel the same. It was written for the era we are living in and it is perfectly suited to it.

Key lyric…I see the signs of a lifetime, you 'til I die

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqxE-zppu30

Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers

The song… This is the third single from Phoebe Bridger’s 2017 Debut album ‘Stranger in the Alps.’ It describes “being in love with someone who is super mean to you… like conflicted feelings.” Bridger’s stated to radio station KCRW that the song was written about fellow musician Ryan Adams.

For me… Admittedly, I discovered this song late in the decade. But it’s a song about feelings. Like, really hard feelings. This decade, and especially the latter half of it, threw up a lot of feelings, about a lot of things. I suppose this is fairly standard for most people approaching the end of their teenage years. It’s angsty, without being too bothered about anything. It’s raw and honest; articulating everything I’ve felt about everyone at one stage or another, and I’m equally, I’m sure it articulates enough people’s feelings about me.

Key lyric… You said when you met me you were bored And you, you were in a band when I was born

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sfYpolGCu8

A & E – Brand New Friend

The song… This illustrates the rise and fall of a relationship, and in doing so highlights the more melancholic acoustic side of Northern Irish indie pop group Brand New Friend. It was initially released in 2016 as the closing song of their debut EP, American Wives, but was remastered and re-released on their 2017 album Seatbelts for Airplanes.

For me… This is the song of the medicine application. Bearing in mind I know this band, and know that there is a well-developed meaning to the song that has nothing to do with me, this is the song that I have listened to, and seen live, countless times from the day I decided I wanted to be a doctor to the day I got into medical school and beyond. It is a rare and beautiful connection to have to a song like this, and one for which I am forever going to be grateful. Now, I can’t hear the song live without bawling my wee eyes out. I have come so far, and the band have too, and the song has been with us every step of the way. That truly means the world to me.

Key lyric… She wants to be a paramedic / Wants to save a strangers life / Now she wants to hold my hand / Does she know she’s saving mine?

https://open.spotify.com/track/5RmOfF1s5zW2B942H9OGXT?si=hsauA8iXQN6mXQnL8s0fBw

Brazil – Declan McKenna

The song… McKenna initially self-released this song in December 2014. It is critical of FIFA, of their awarding of the 2014 World Cup to Brazil without addressing the deep rooted and extensive poverty affecting the Nations people. It gained widespread media attention throughout the FIFA corruption scandal, before featuring on his debut album, ‘What do you think about the Car?’ in July 2017. It is an indie rock song that is driven by guitars and synths.

For me… This song was the sound of 2016 and 2017. It was released a while before this but I was fairly late jumping on the bandwagon. It’s a political song, speaking of the injustices behind FIFA and their 2014 World Cup in Brazil. As an angry little leftist, I have always appreciated this. I can only appreciate it more knowing that Declan McKenna himself was only fourteen when he wrote it. For me the song has many happy memories attached to it, from the long summer walks from my house to the nearest village to see my friends who were working as sailing instructors, to attending a tiny gig of Declan McKenna’s in the Oh Yeah Centre in Belfast and being about 6 feet from his face while he was 6 feet from the cusp of fame.

Key lyric…Because you've had your chances, yeah you've had enough I'm gonna burn your house down to spread peace and love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duHjQ3BE6D8

Robbers – The 1975

The song… This is the sixth single from the 1975’s self-titled debut album. It was released as a single in May 2014. The song’s concept follows an ill-fated robbery, and was inspired in part by the 1993 film ‘True Romance.’ It is essentially about a relationship in which the partners are too focused on each other to notice the destruction they are each causing.

For me… This song is fairly definitive of my teenage years as a whole. The narrative of a toxic relationship that the writer could not, or would not leave, was one that I always managed to connect to, across all aspects of my life as a young teenager, encountering uncomfortable situations within school and with different people and groups of friends. Matty Healy was (and honestly still is) one of the biggest crushes I’ve ever had. I’ve now heard this song live three different times, at three completely different phases of my life. It is a song with so much meaning, and yet one that has grown and evolved with me throughout the decade.

Key lyric… Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, 'Babe, you look so cool'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyy3YOpxL2k

Get Well Soon – Ariana Grande

The song… This is the final song on Grande’s 2017 album ‘Sweetener,’ it is a soul ballad with layered vocals, and is inspired by Grande’s personal anxiety and trauma following the May 2017 terrorist attack following her concert in Manchester. In memory of the 22 victims of this attack, there is a 40 second moment of silence at the end of the song.

For me… I am, and have been, a very anxious person for a very long time. This is something I have never really hid away from, but also never felt up to talking openly about. This song manages to describe the feelings associated with anxiety in a way I have never heard any mainstream musician attempt before. Ariana’s concert which was attacked in May 2017, that which inspired this song, immediately followed her concert that my father and sister had attended, and so the whole song and sequence of events is and always has been very close to home for me.

Key lyric…I'm too much in my head, did you notice? (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXU4P6j3TNY

She’s Thunderstorms – Arctic Monkeys

The song… This is the first song from the fourth studio album by arctic monkeys; Suck it and See, released in 2011. It originated when Alex Turner was looking for a new way of complimenting someone. It begins with an Eastern inspired riff and is fairly heavily guitar led, characteristic of this period in the Arctic Monkey’s discography

For me… I’d be lying if I said this isn’t one of my favourite songs of all time. I chose it for this list because it is my favourite song by the arctic monkeys, who are my favourite band. Its subject, Alexa Chung, basically leads the life I wish I had. Even more so at the time this song was written than now. I remember being twelve or thirteen and just wanting someone to write something like this for me. The sheer detail of the lyrics is beautiful and so captivating, they played a huge part in helping me find my love for music in an accessible way. I loved, and still do love, the relationship they had. I feel like it translated so well into his music, and into the popular culture that shaped my teenage years exceptionally well.

Key lyric…Here is your host, sounds as if she's pretty close When the heat starts growing horns She's thunderstorms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQSQnHh4rPE

#music #songs #arctic monkeys #ariana grande #the 1975 #lana del rey #phoebe bridgers #lorde #declan mckenna #brandnewfriend #cage the elephant #wolf alice #harry styles

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preface2adreamplay · 5 years ago

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Under Your Spell (Part 12) - Steady As We Burn

Summary: A Jared Padalecki/OFC fiction.

Stef is a musician, recently gone solo. Happy with her life as a forever single person until Jared makes it his mission to get close to her. (For the purpose of this fiction, I have liberated some lyrics from various artists and their videos. This is fiction, with real people mentioned.) Married Jared, single Oscar!

Chapter warnings: Smut, all of it (NSFW)

Chapter WC: 2,224

Swinging the hotel door open with a bang, she was wrestled into the room by a giant with too many hands.

‘I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.’ He exclaimed, kissing every available part of her face and neck.

She answered with giggles, unable to get any words out, allowing him to continue ravaging her.

The door clicked shut and a suitcase falls over. Still he couldn’t get enough of kisses.

‘You know they say you shouldn’t tell someone you missed them,’ Stef breathed, beginning to nuzzle his ear as she whispered, placing a kiss on his sweet spot, she could feel him turn to jelly. ‘It reminds them they didn’t miss you.’

Jared pulled away with a frown, his hair mussed. ‘You didn’t miss me?’ His voice high pitched. Stef giggled, ‘of course I did, I just need you to focus for a minute, your stubble is going to give me a rash.’

Jared ducked down and placed more kisses on her neck, pausing on one spot to suck the flesh gently between his teeth, now it was her turn to weaken in his grasp.

After a few moments of nibbling and sucking along her collarbone, he stood to his full height, complete with a shit eating grin. Jared turned her toward the mirror above the dresser.

‘Jared, I am going to kill you.’ She gasped, pulling her shirt aside, seeing the trail of hickeys he had just made.

‘How will you kill me this time?’ He snaked his hands down her ribs, resting them on her hips. Nose in her hair, breathing in her scent, he felt so full of her, he smiled, closing his eyes, just feeling her there with him, finally.

‘I think I’ll sit on you til you die.’

Stef felt the rumble of laughter behind her, he seemed a little dopey now.

‘Tired?’

‘Mmmm’ he answered, ‘maybe a little lie down.’ He grabbed her arms and pulled her toward the bed. Kicking off his shoes and throwing his jacket towards a chair in the corner, missing it entirely.

Laying facing each other, he traced his fingers across her cheek, resting on her lips. ‘You look tired too.’ He commented.

‘Touring is hard on the body and the soul.’ Stef lamented, feeling a smile creeping onto her face. He looked so innocent when he was sleepy like this, she thought.

‘Come closer, I want to fall asleep with you,’ Jared nestled his nose into the crook of her neck, arms wrapped around her.

‘You came all this way, to snuggle and nap.’ Stef felt her eyelids getting heavier. A contented sleep washing over her.

Waking an hour later to Jared rolling off the bed and closing the bathroom door quietly behind him. Rubbing her eyes, she checked the time. There wasn’t a show today, but she had planned to get out and see a bit more of the city, that was before Jared had decided to show up but she definitely didn’t mind the distraction.

Checking her phone, she saw that Darius had text her a few updates about his new girlfriend. Oscar hadn’t text, she knew he wouldn’t. They had a few too many drinks last night and having walked her back to the hotel, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and stumbled off to get a cab. She hoped he had gotten back home ok. Sighing, she decided to text him that same thing.

Jared appeared, looking thoroughly crumpled from his nap.

‘Hey pretty girl, you ok?’

‘Definitely,’ she moved over toward him giving a kiss before shimmying from the bed toward the bathroom, Jared made grabby hands toward her ass as she ran.

‘I need to shower,’ Jared leaned against the door frame, shirtless, jeans hanging below his waist.

‘Me too, as it turns out. Maybe we should save some water.’ Stef licked her lips, hooking her fingers into the band of his jeans and pulling him toward her.

‘Is this shower gonna make us clean or dirtier?’ Jared helped remove her shirt, raising a hand to brush against her nipple that was standing to attention under her lacy bra. ‘Pink this time?’

Stef stood on her tip toes to reach his lips, he didn’t bend down to her like he usually did. He seemed to like the idea of her struggling.

��Short.’ Jared said, placing his hands on her ass and lifting her. Stef wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling the bulge pressing against her core. She started grinding on it as best she could.

‘Damn, girl. Do you ever stop?’

‘I can’t help it, there is something about you that makes me want you so bad.’

Under the hotter than hot spray of water, Stef lathered up her hair while Jared watched, he hadn’t stepped into the shower, instead he decided to sit on the edge of the bath, cock in hand, stroking himself.

‘You could join me,’ she suggested. Steam was filling up the room fast.

‘Oh baby, I got the best view right now.’

She could see the intensity of his gaze through his curtains of hair.

Stef loosened the shower head and used the hose to get rid of the last of the suds. Bending down a little to clean her lower half, giving him a perfect eyeful.

She heard his sharp intake of breath, but he didn’t touch her. Her skin was screaming for his hands to be on her.

Pouting, she stood to face him.

‘Don’t give me that face, sweet girl. I’ll join you when I’m ready.’

Stef gave him a face that she knew meant punishment, she wouldn’t mind him throwing her over his knee right now.

Bracing herself against the cold tiles, Stef brought the shower head to her folds.

Jared raised his brows in surprise. Good, she thought, maybe this will tease him enough for him to get his ass into the shower.

Using her free hand, she slid a finger inside, then another. Moving them in and out gently, watching Jared, his eyes couldn’t look away from what she was doing.

His cock was weeping now, holding it tight in his fist.

It worked. He stood to join her, grabbing the hose from her hand, he placed it back on the hook and turned her so she was facing the wall, wincing when her hot flesh hit the tiles.

The scalding water was running over her ass as he brought a hand down in a sharp crack.

Stef cried out with the sudden sharp pain, bucking her hips back towards him.

‘You fucking like that don’t you?’

Stef nodded, chewing her bottom lip so the moans wouldn’t escape.

Another slap on the other cheek. Oh God, this was good. His hand came down on her ass cheek again and again, stopping only to rub the skin to stop it tingling.

Stef reached between her legs, gripping her clit between her two fingers.

‘Touching yourself while I punish you for touching yourself. You’re quite a brat, did you know that?’ Jared pressed his cock against her ass. ‘Do you know how much you’re turning me on right now?’ He gritted his teeth, grabbing a handful of her wet hair. Her head wrenched sideways so he could pull her chin toward him before taking her mouth with his. Tongue and teeth and no air. Stef gasped when he let her go.

‘Get out of the shower and wait for me outside.’

Stef did as she was told, feeling the slick between her legs as she grabbed a towel and began drying herself outside the bathroom.

When Jared appeared he was still wet and still very, very hard.

There was a fire in his eyes, gone was the man who had greeted her with hands and smiles and kisses. Here stood a man that was demanding she open herself up and let him plunge in to take everything she had to give.

He was again watching her while she opened the towel, his eyes drinking her in. Licking his lips as he saw her bring her hand between her legs. A soft moan coming from her lips as she began getting herself off. This wasn’t a movement to get ready for him, she was going to cum, he knew.

He needed her, but he didn’t want to take this moment away from her. She moaned again while he started touching himself, his large hand wrapping around his cock, his movements getting faster now watching her beginning to shake.

When his name left her lips and she was throwing her head back, he moved in and pushed himself inside her.

He was rutting into her with such force, the bed shifted under her. Grabbing at the sheets around her, she cried aloud. Thrusting as if he had never fucked before, he would pull out a little before slamming back into her again.

Stef grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged him down. He roared as he came. She was gasping beneath him, seeing that she was still moving her hips against his, he brought his hand between them.

‘Let go of me,’ he ordered.

His fingers pressed down hard on her clitoris, his face inches from hers as she cried out and tightened around him. Riding out her orgasm, she tried to move away from him, his fingers still playing across her sensitive bud.

‘Oh god, Jared, please stop, please stop.’

But he kept up the pace he started, pulling another orgasm from her. Stef couldn’t breathe, the intensity was too much. When he pulled out of her, she took an intake of breath. Laughing into the shock of it. Never before had she had two orgasms in a row.

Jared lay next to her, wrapping a long arm around her, stroking her skin as she came back down.

‘You’re cold.’ He said. ‘Come on, get dressed.’ With shaky hands, Stef managed drag a hoodie over her head, folding her arms across her body. A desperate need to pee had her back in the steamy bathroom. She probably needed another shower after that. Holy cow did that man make her feel everything all at once.

‘Are we doing anything today?’ Jared was wearing a pair of sweatpants when she came back to the bed.

‘I was going to go sight seeing, but I got some better things to look at today.’ Stef bit her lip, watching him scroll through his phone, his biceps bulging as he held himself up on his elbows. He gave her a sly grin and motioned for her to join him.

Laying next to him in silence as he scrolled and leaned in every so often to place a kiss on her forehead.

‘Have you always been like that in bed?’ Stef mused.

‘Like what?’

‘Commanding.’

Jared rubbed his nose into his hand, sneezing loudly. ‘Sorry. No. I like it though.’ He threw the phone down and lay on his side, stroking his hand against the inside of her thigh.

‘You always liked being told what to do? And if you say you don’t like it I won’t believe you.’

‘I love it, there’s something about your demeanour, it changes so quickly and I’m a quivering mess.’

Jared ran his hand a little higher on her leg, tracing patterns on her skin.

‘Would you let me take complete control sometime?’

‘Like a full on dom?’ Stef bit her lip, the thought alone bringing back the white hot need between her legs.

‘Well, no not that. Or maybe that I’m not sure, I don’t have any experience with it.’ He laughed, a little embarrassed.

‘I’m surprised, this is new for you?’

‘Yeah. My wife, she doesn’t like rough play. At all.’ He lay his chin against her shoulder, rubbing the stubble against her.

‘And you like it.’ Stef tried to wriggle away from him, ‘you’re hurting me with your chin.’ Giggles taking over.

‘I’m sorry, but I like seeing you squirm.’ Rolling over her and pinning her beneath him.

‘I do like it,’ he continued. ‘I tried it, after we did the video. She wasn’t into it.’ He shrugged.

‘But!’ Jared placed his forearms alongside her head, ‘I have to confess. It riled me up quite a bit, me with my hand around your neck. I never thought something like that could be such turn on. You trusted that I wouldn’t hurt you.’

Stef agreed with a hmm sound, loving the weight of him on her.

‘I had a serious amount of wanks that week.’

Stef burst into a fit of laughter.

‘What? Hey, you’re not meant to laugh at my confessions.’ His dimples appearing as he grinned wider at her. The vibrations of her laughter causing him to laugh too.

‘I’m sorry, baby. The idea of it is wonderful. I love the fact that you had to do it. I did it too.’

‘Oh you did?’

‘Hell yeah.’ Her tongue was in his mouth before he had a chance to answer her. Kissing like they were teenagers again, hands everywhere.

A rumble from her stomach brought them back to reality.

‘You wanna go get some food?’

Stef nodded, still kissing him.

‘Get dressed then, I don’t want anyone else seeing that ass.’

‘Oh, only you get to see it?’

Jared threw her a glance, pouting, ’Damn straight.’

CHAPTER 13

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victoriagrace00-blog · 6 years ago

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Battle For The Power: Chapter 14

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is the most powerful mobster in England. Her family’s business being in power over many of generations. But your family never saw the Holland’s as a threat to steal your throne. So know you must fight Tom Holland for the monster throne. Little did you know that to stop all of the fightings you would sign a contract to marry him so the two mafias would become one. How could you do this you already hated him but now you had to live with him.

Word Count: 1025

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13

A/n: Hope you enjoy this chapter of Battle for the Power. If there are any grammatical errors please let me know. Please like and follow for weekly updates of my stories and fanfictions. I have decided to post this series every Saturday. If you would like to request a story message me or put it through the asks, ask me stuff or tell me stuff in the asks as long as its positive.

"Y/n I've liked you for a long time, I would even call it love, but only recently I decided that I was going to tell you." She nods her head for him to go on as he pauses for a moment to lick his lips. "I was going to tell you like three weeks ago on the day you and Tom made that deal, then I didn't because you got married. The night I yelled at you two for kissing I was waiting for you in your room, Tom carried you in asleep. Tom got me to tell him what was going on and then he told Harrison and them." "He pauses to catch his breath while his heart pounded rapidly. "So yeah that's pretty much the huge secret."

You reach your hand out to his. "Zane." "Y/n, I love you, and I can tell you love Tom. I can see it, you won't admit it anytime soon, but you do. I'm pretty sure he loves you too." "Zane just stop talking." "Why?" "Because I said so and my head hurts." "Oh, is there anything I can do." "No, Zane I'm fine. It's just you are right I like Tom. Sometime in the past, I had those feelings for you, but not anymore, and those feelings don't even compare to how I feel about Tom. I'm sorry Zane." "Nothing to be sorry for I knew you would choose him." "Then why did you tell me?" "Because I couldn't continue being just your friend anymore and I can't continue being just your friend either."

"I don't expect to do that. When we get back to London you can leave if you want. It is up to you." "It hurts to leave you, but it is what I have to do." "Okay, so I guess this is it. Our friendship is over." "Y/n, I wouldn't call it over, we are just not best friends anymore." "So over?" "Not completely over I'll check up on you once in a while." "Okay, that's better than leaving forever." "Yeah. I'm going to go now, rest up we are getting on a plane soon."

Zane exits the room, out of the corner of his right eye he sees Tom on the phone sitting in front of a window, out the window he catches a glimpse of a black van pulling up. He jogs over to the window and looks out, nothing good comes from a black van filled with armed men. "Tom look outside." He looks out with Zane. "Okay everyone looks like they found us and are going to come in, I suggest we start getting prepared." Once the words left his mouth everyone in the room was up on their feet scurrying around. "Andie I need you to take this gun, get Y/n and take her to the safest place to hide in this house." "Okay, I will." "Wait, you remember how to use that right?" "Yes, Tom I do remember."

Andie runs into the guest room in a panic, and you picked up that something was wrong. "Andie whats going on?" "Well, 'they' have found us, whoever they are, I need to take you somewhere safe." Andie helps out of the bed, moving slowly since she was basically carrying you. Just leaving the room you can hear the door forced open. Halfway down the hall, you hear gunshots. Almost to the stairs you here a body drop, you turned around. At the opposite end of the hall, you see Zane on the ground, bleeding from his chest.

At that moment it seemed like time was moving in slow motion as you ran down a never-ending hall to get to him. Your body was in pain, but you still ran as fast as you could. You didn't care if you would get shot or not you just had to get to him. Andie ran after you grabbing at your arms, yelling something that you didn't care to hear. You needed to get to him. Your best friend, who moments ago was telling you he loves you, but now he may never have another day. A whirlpool of tears came in an instance. You couldn't bear the thought of your best friend dying.

You got to his body not aware of anything going on around you. Your hand cupped his face, "Zane, Zane, it's me. I need you to stay with me okay." He weakly nods his head. "I need you to know something." He whispered weakly, reaching his hand to your face. "Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n I love you and I will love you til the day I die. I love you and I will be with you every day." His hand falls from your face, you realize that he's gone. The pain overcomes you and you try to do something to get him to come back. You frantically start CPR to get him to breathe again, getting yourself covered in crimson red. You tired out tears covered his body, your head drops to his chest." You begged for him to come back between your cries.

Big muscular arms wrap around you, forcing you to leave Zane and run. "Y/n it will be okay, I just need you to go with Andie." He releases you into another pair of arms and they walk you out the back of the house. They help you into a car sitting next to hugging you. Someone else must be in the car since it is now moving, but you couldn't tell who.

All you could think about is Zane. He's dead now. He's gone. It keeps playing in your mind as if someone keeps turning the key to a music box over and over. You wanted it to stop. You wanted to think he was by your side. Would things be different if you told him you like him? Would he be dead if you continued to talk? Was it your fault? Will, you ever recover?

But most importantly you wanted to know who killed him and why? Surely you will find them and make them pay for the damage they have costed you.

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gavrinking-blog · 6 years ago

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WAR STORM by Victoria Aveyard: The Ugly Truth Book Review

Hey guys. So I'm making all this because I think of most of you are just disappointed with what happened with War Storm, the 4th and final book to the Red Queen series.

Just so you know I posted all this blurb on Wikia last night as anonymous but I think it's worth talking about here in Tumblr. Because again, all fandoms exist here.

I’m not asking anyone to agree with me, but if you think everything makes sense, then please REBLOG or SHARE so others can UNDERSTAND as well.

War Storm just showed the ugly truths no one wants to write about.

I've been reading the whole series for four years. And we all know how difficult it is for readers like us to wait another year just to know what happens next. So when you guys say that you aren't satisfied with War Storm, I completely agree.

After I read the whole thing, I somewhat felt how useless it has become to even read the whole series to begin with. Red Queen existed because of the war. Mare and the rest of the characters were set into motion because of the war.

THE WHOLE THING IS ABOUT THE WAR.

So for War Storm to have an open ending like that, without the war officially ending?

Yes, it sucks.

But remember this is our point of view.

We, as readers who went through all the books, read through chapters of planning and talking about the war, think it sucks. And that's understandable because we all wanted an ending where the war actually ends. After everything we all have been through, we are sick and tired of planning and talking about it and we all just wanted it to finally end.

But again, this is our point of view. OUR READER POINT OF VIEW.

Now let's go to a different point of view. THE PRAGMATIST AND REALITY CHECK POINT OF VIEW.

We all know for a fact that wars don't really end, right?Like c'mon guys just look around you. Even in the world we live in now, wars are still ongoing, may it be cold or not. We don't even need to talk about it. BECAUSE WE SEE IT.

So what do you expect? OF COURSE THE WAR WILL NEVER END.

Victoria was just writing the truth. I can't speak for her but that's how I see it.

Apart from the whole series rooted on war, we get to see so many ugly truths we all try to ignore because we can't bear to even read it.

Cal and Maven were fighting for the throne because they were both raised for it. Mare wasn't even enough to take that away, like Maven said. Because let's be honest, when you've worked so hard for something in your life, for ALL of your life, do you just throw it away because some girl just enters the picture? NO, OF COURSE NOT.

And let's keep in mind that they are Silvers. LOVE ISN'T THEIR VALUE. IT'S STRENGTH AND POWER. Don't for a second think that love will always win over everything. Because it certainly didn't win at the end of War Storm. If you don't believe me, again look around you. Divorce rates are spiraling upwards, people break up over the most inconsequential things. The only constant thing we all fight for is money. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE SURVIVE. JUST LIKE HOW SILVERS SURVIVE ON STRENGTH AND POWER. WE CLING TO WHAT WOULD MAKE US SURVIVE.

The world is a cruel place and that's what War Storm showed. It’ll always be about the survival of the fittest. That never changed since forever.

So yes, we can all complain about the ending but sometimes we have to try and perceive.

We have to look at a different angle and perspective because that's our flaw as well. We don't realize it but we should.

The war didn't end. But just because it didn't, does it mean everything that happened was pointless?

NO.

You guys answer why.

PART 2: MARE, CAL, AND MAVEN

Also I'm adding to that what happened with Mare and the others.

Let's admit we all hate her at some point. If you didn't hate her by the end of War Storm, I did. But again, we need to see different angles to it.

I know we're all thinking:

1. Cal gave up the crown, told Mare "I'm what you want me to be". And yet they didn't end up together?!

Okay that is infuriating. Not because I'm Team Maven through and through, but because I hated the fact that Cal sacrificed everything he worked for for his entire life and in the end, it looked like it was all for nothing. Like Mare, seriously?! YOU WANTED CAL TO CHOOSE YOU BUT YOU CAN'T CHOOSE HIM IN THE END.

That's another infuriating choice. But again, let's try to look at it at a pragmatist/reality check POV. Mare still chose her cause and her blood before Cal. That's why she wanted a country with no monarchy and Silver kings ruling it. So yes, IT WAS CAUSE OVER CAL EVEN THROUGH THE END. Can we blame her for it? Maybe not.

And then there's the "We need time to heal and rebuild" thing, courtesy of Maven. Let's be realistic to this out of respect for Maven's character. Cal and Maven grew up together. Maven did everything he could to keep Mare. Just because he's gone, it doesn't mean he didn't leave a deep wound on them. In fact the whole series wouldn't have been so complex and twisted if it wasn't for him. IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO MOVE ON, THEN WE READERS WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALL HERE TALKING ABOUT IT.

2. Maven. Was that a Tris Prior thing?

People are telling Victoria not to pull a Veronica Roth when RQ came out. I'm not trying to criticize out of hate, but I just want to be objective. Tris died because of a gunshot when the whole Divergent series was about people chasing and shooting at her. Unjustified death? Definitely.

But not for Maven.

If you just try to read in between the lines, you'd notice that maybe Maven actually wanted it. He wanted to die by Mare's hands without the fire and the electricity. Just both of them so bare and vulnerable and very human within the cages of the Stone. And there's definitely a lot symbolism to it.

Maven found comfort within the Stone because he knew whatever he did was of his choice. Not Elara's or anyone's. Just like how he was comforted and satisfied by the fact that it was Mare who killed him.

Mare made him feel alive and not alone. And in the end, he was glad that he still felt it when Mare killed him. He was winning against Mare during that fight. But he finally decided to choose Mare, even after he countlessly said in his POVs that he'll choose himself if it ever came to the point that they would be killing each other.

He chose Mare.

Justified death? I think yes.

Also, if you think there wasn’t any redemption from Maven, think about it again.

There's a bit of redemption from Maven even if he was fighting with Mare til the end. We all know he's broken beyond repair but look at his last line. He said, "I tried, Mare." And obviously he did try because he's winning that fight. He wasn't stupid. He could've snatched the knife out of her hand from his vantage point. And he could've dodged Mare's attack because he was on top of her. He could easily avoid the knife. But he allowed Mare to win and in the end he was satisfied he died by her hands.

Now people are saying, why didn't Victoria just write it clear how Maven exactly died? Aka where he was stabbed, how did he look, what was his last moments when Mare couldn't see it anymore?

Well, it's Maven Calore. He'll always be a mystery even after his death. And I don't think you can really give justice to that if Victoria just wrote it plainly. As an author, I think she felt fear at least and anxiety. Let's all just leave it at that because it doesn't exactly change anything if we know the clear details of it.

And with Maven's twisted mind? I don't think he'd want us to know either.

He'd want us to think about him forever. Just like how he did with Cal and Mare.

So if that means leaving a big puzzle with so many missing pieces, then that’s what we get.

As a reader, I would've wanted at least to know more about how Mare felt about it. I feel like it would've add a bit more justice to him if Victoria elaborated on how Mare felt and not just graze through the motion when Mare found out he's dead.

Also, it would've had more impact if Mare actually did see the body. But again, we can't expect we'd get all the missing pieces. Sometimes it's better left that way.

AND DON'T EVER FORGET WHAT MAVEN SAID TO MARE.

It won't end here. You can drag my corpse across the world, and it won't end any of this.

ENOUGH SAID. HE'LL ALWAYS BE "THE ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS".

PART 3: MAVEN AND SYMBOLISM

If you want me to elaborate more on the symbolism, then you can continue on. But if nah, you're good then that's fine too.

So I've said before that Maven found comfort within the cages of the Silent Stone. Again, there's a lot of symbolism behind this one because we all know King's Cage and what happened when Mare was in captivity. During those times she was under the Stone, Maven has built a cage for her because it made him feel as if Mare was his.

So for them to fight within another Silent Stone cage in War Storm? It made Maven feel Mare was his. Like his said, Mine. During those moments where both of them were vulnerable, he felt alive and satisfied to be bare with her. Because for one, brief moment again, he laid out a part of himself that was real and truly him until the very last time he looked at her.

He said many times before that they were both alone. So yes, they were both alone. Together. Again if you guys read closely, he said, We can still run. Together.

Obviously there are a lot of implied meanings behind what he said.

The fact that Evangeline ran to Montfort and left behind everything, meant that Maven was ready to leave everything behind just to be with Mare again. He knew he had lost the war and there’s nothing else left for him. For one last time, he tried.

And let’s not forget they were inside the Silent Stone cage/room.

Everything Maven said and did with her was of his own choice.

He died, letting Mare win because he knew his last try will never work.

But at least he was satisfied.

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female-overlord-3 · 7 years ago

Text

A Simple Text

Me being productive and super inspired wrote another Love, Simon/ SVTHSA fic. Earlier meeting in the books guys so book spoilers. AO3 tags pretty much explains why I wrote it. Thank you so much to @imawriteriwrite and @bluemoon-golden for both looking it over and being my beta’s! Love you both. This is fluff and might lead to more (read: yes there’s gonna be more if this writing streak continues)!

*updated 4/1/18 at 4am cause I realized I put the pre-beta’d version. Oops!

An early meeting AU because someone just wanted their best friend happy. What if Simon saw Bram leaving the Elliott Smith shirt?

They stare at each other frozen. Simon doesn’t know what to think. Bram doesn’t know what to think. It’s like the universe stopped just for this moment to signify how important it is, how life changing this one simple moment is.

It was just a simple text to grab a textbook.

Si man please grab my Math textbook? I left it in Abb’s locker like an absolute moron and it had all my notes! Please please please Simon I will love you forever! -Nick

So here he is standing just a few feet from his and Abby’s locker because Nick asked since Simon was nearby and needed some air. Bram is standing in front of his locker with a plastic bag looped through the handle of a locker staring wide eyed at him, his hands frozen writing something on a piece of paper against the locker. Simon’s locker.

At first Simon doesn’t know what Bram is doing until he sees something white poking out from the bag. ‘No this isn’t-’ His thoughts are racing and he takes a step forward shattering the moment. Like the star athlete he is, Bram bolts the opposite way, pen, paper and bag forgotten as he disappears down the hall. Completely at a loss Simon just stands there in utter shock until his eyes turn back to the bag on his locker. Slowly, he makes his way over and hesitates before removing the bag and peaking inside.

It’s a jersey cotton t-shirt with a logo from Elliott Smith’s Figure Eight. He looks down at it in complete awe then his eyes the paper and pen laying on the floor. It’s blue green construction paper and written on it is a finished note.

I’m assuming Elliott understood that you would have made it to his shows if you could have.

Simon stands frozen again as his brain tries to stop imploding. It’s Blue, Bram is Blue. Cute, adorable, quiet, shy Bram is Blue. Some things are starting to click like as he stares at the perfectly straight print on the note, those times Bram blushed at him, the comment about how being straight or white as the default is annoying, Bram who had his birthday after MLK day which means 118 is January 18th his birthday and Green from Greenfeld. God he’s an absolute oblivious idiot!

Putting the note in the bag Simon turns around to walk back to his car on shaky legs. Somehow he drives himself home without crashing into something, makes it upstairs to his room without trouble, then falls face first on his bed still in disbelief. Shouldn’t he be doing something? Why is he just laying here, doing nothing while the guy he’s in love with is out there and so close?

No Blue needs space. He needs time and he must be as shocked or at least freaked out about being found out and- oh god there was a reason he was there so late with the school pretty much dead. He didn’t want to be seen, for people to know he left the shirt. Pulling the shirt out and tossing the bag behind him to get rid of later, Simon holds it in front of him just just stare at it again. It’s just a t-shirt, some fabric with a bands logo and it shouldn’t mean so much but holy shit it does. This shirt means the world to him after the decreasing messages from Blue which was horrible, and especially after the last one Simon sent getting no reply.

Groaning he buries his face into it hoping maybe he can smother himself with it in frustration. No he can’t do that now with such a special shirt and a very special someone out there. Simon takes a deep breath then lifts his face from the shirt only to feel something stiff when his hands move the shirt. Spreading out so the shirt lays flat, he lifts the neck to see inside and there’s another piece of Blue Green construction paper. It’s a note with the same perfect print.

P.S. I love the way you smile like you don’t realize you’re doing it. I love your perpetual bed head. I love the way you hold eye contact a moment longer than you need to. And I love your moon-grey eyes. So if you think i’m not attracted to you, Simon, you’re crazy.

Below the script is a phone number and Simon doesn’t know whether to text or call the number right now or just wait because he is really lightheaded and feels like he’s going to pass out. His heart is beating like crazy, whole body buzzing with warm tingles while a smile so big breaks across his face, cheeks aching because he knows who Blue is and Blue gave him his number.

They need to talk, to figure everything out and- and he needs to tell this stupidly cute and frustrating guy how much he loves him too.

Now the big question: how?

Bram runs, he runs and runs until he’s back on the field where Garrett is waiting for him to take him home. Garrett is smiling at him until he sees the panicked look on his face, concern replacing the excitement. “Bram you okay man?”

Panting he just stares at his best friend and for some reason the question makes him laugh. God is he okay, ya if what just happened is as okay as their new president. No he’s actually horrible and terrified because the person he’s in love with now knows who he is, that he’s Blue and everything is ruined because he’s going to lose this amazing guy. His laugh turns a bit hysterical for a second before he has to catch his breath again, his legs turned to jelly so he stumbles and lets himself drop on to the grass so he can just lay in his back and hope for lightning to hit him or the ground to swallow him up.

Once his breathing is something close to normal he lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes. “I- I’m not sure. I don’t think so.”

He hears Garrett’s feet walking over and sit next to him, just being there as silent support. “I hope you get to okay.” He finally commented as they sit there for a bit longer before silently standing and walk to Garrett's car to head home.

Bram thanks Garrett for the ride and it’s only once he’s in his room lying on his bed, that he starts actually thinking about what happened.

Now Simon knows who he is. Now Simon has is number. Oh god now Simon has his number and the notes he left!

Bram wants to just die already or maybe he can stay in his room forever. He doesn’t know how to feel about this. He’s both horrified this happened but also a little excited. Of course the horror overrides the excitement but now Simon knows who he is, that he’s Blue.

What should he do now? Bram asks himself. Should he email him? Wait to see if Simon uses his number? Wait til tomorrow? He doesn’t want to because honestly right now all of that seems terrifying and now he’s starting to get nauseous.

Taking a bit to think about it, waiting til tomorrow sounds the best for right now. If he loses Simon then he loses Simon. If he gets some form of reply about the shirt or who he is… he’ll cross that bridge if it ever happens.

He gladly let’s sleep take him so today can be behind him.

Nick, Leah, and Abby are all settled in the basement at Simon’s after Simon begged and pleaded with his friends to help him so he spilled his verbal guts to them about Blue and eventually Martin. Nick finally caved and told Simon that he actually didn’t leave his textbook. He didn’t say who asked him to do it but that all he had to do was get Simon back on campus and to his locker as soon as possible. For some reason that just makes Simon feel worse.

It takes a literal stranger to make him see who Blue was. Simon was so stuck on all the wrong clues and his stupid crush on Cal to see what was literally right in front of him.

Sinking to the floor Simon just lets out a loud sigh before he looks at Nick with morose eyes. “Tell whoever that is thank you and that i’m a colossal idiot.” Nick just grins at him as he nudges his best friend with his foot. “Ya I will but first we gotta get your guy back!”

Leah and Abby grab his arms to pull him up and bring everyone into a group hug.

Once the questions and teasing was done, the crazy hopeful plan they all come up with is ready to be set into motion.

If everything goes well, Simon reluctantly agrees to go to this restaurant place Abby insists they should celebrate at but he remains firm on Bram only coming if he's comfortable doing so. Leah seems hesitant on joining but she concedes when Simon asks her to be his moral support. If she doesn’t like the place then they’ll take her home.

God Simon hopes this works.

Bram drives to school in an almost numb mood. He goes through the motions of parking and heading to his locker but the realization of Nick standing at it catches his attention. “Hey Nick.” He greets him a bit confused. Nick isn’t usually this early and he’s almost always with Abby, Leah or Simon in the morning.

“Morning Bram!” Nick beams at him before seeming to remember why he’s there. His smile turns a little sheepish but doesn’t fall as he brings out something from behind him.

It’s a piece of paper and a large case of Halloween themed Oreo's.

Bram blinks at it before his tired brain makes everything click, his eyes go a little wide as they flick back and forth from Nick to the Oreo's.

“Um ya so ‘you know who’ is really really sorry but also a complete idiot. He- I mean they also say that he hopes this is romantic as hell.”

Bram takes the offered items, or well he supposes they’re gifts now, a little shocked at what’s happening before his eyes go down to the paper in Simon’s script decorated with soccer balls and his shirt number, to read it. It’s a letter.

Dear Blue,

I am a complete ass and i’m so sorry for being such an idiot. This is a very hopeful apology, the first out of three. I should have put all the damn clues together way sooner but of course i’m still dense and can’t seem to apply actual logic to these types of things. I guess you make me illogical. Leah and Abby punched me when Nick told me with a very disappointed face your full name was Abraham. I also realize that i’m even more of a moron and what 118 means.

I still meant what I said about the last email. You’ve become my best friend and I still want to keep you but this goes however you want it to go. We can go back to emailing and not knowing each other’s real identities or by some miracle you can accept these poor attempts at a romantic gesture. Abby has my next apology.

-Love, Simon.

Bram can’t seem to breathe as he rereads the paper again then one more time to make sure he’s not actually dreaming. His eyes cautiously peer up to Nick who’s still smiling as he leans with his back against the lockers.

Nick just shrugs. “I think I know why Garrett sent me a text now.” He gives Bram a pat on the shoulder before wishing him good luck and heading to his own locker.

Left standing there Bram kind of wants to sink to the floor into a puddle because of course Simon would want to do something like this. Taking a deep breath he tries to calm all these whirling emotions and head to first period, the paper folded and tucked into his bag while he puts the Oreo's in his locker. Guess he just has to wait for Abby now.

He doesn’t catch her until the passing period between second and third. Her face lights up when she spots him and with determination she makes her way to him.

“Hey Bram! We’re heading out to eat after rehearsal. Join us if you want to, I was told not to pressure you so i’m going to just give you these and be on my way. Garrett is tagging along so just find him. Again a serious idiot who is willing to grovel. Leah will be at lunch.” She gives his shoulders a gentle squeeze when Bram’s eyes widen in fear. “Hey simple and quiet. No one is going to know unless you want them to okay.” She reassures him and it actually helps. “Thanks.” She hands him a CD case and another paper, this one decorated with music notes, lyrics to some songs, and the Elliott Smiths shirt. He takes them quickly and gives Abby a small smile before dashing to his next class.

Settled in his seat Bram finally looks over the CD case to see a list of songs, all their shared favorites, and the letter which he’s extremely tempted to read so he asks to go to the bathroom to do so away from prying eyes.

Dear Blue,

Music has always helped me calm down and find some semblance of peace. I added all the songs we’ve mentioned and a couple of new ones I think you might like. If you haven’t noticed all the awesome art is thanks to Leah and before you freak out about them knowing, they swore on WAHO that they’d never say a word. I think they’re all more protective of you than me right now which is a given since I did some very shitty things to warrant it. It’s because of them I was able to think of this very sappy and romantic apology. They’ll have your back just like they have mine. I’m honestly really nervous right now and hope you somehow forgive me.

I want you to know I did hope it was you because I call you cute Bram in my head but of course Simon Logic made me think you were straight. God i’m so dense and clueless for someone who’s supposed to be in Hufflepuff. I won’t see you at Lunch because of rehearsals but that’s where apology number 3 is with Leah. I hope it makes you laugh but it might make you blush. I didn’t tell you you’re cute when you blush did I? Well you are and again i’m sorry. I hope I see you after rehearsal.

-Love, Simon.

Bram is a mess of emotions during fourth and he starts to get a bit nauseous the sooner the clock ticks to lunch time. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling right now but he’s does know he’s forgiven Simon since apology number one. The second and whatever the following apology is just cements how much he really does love this stupid boy and his determination to express how truly sorry he is.

He returns to class and tries to stop the smile off his face, folding then placing the letter with the other before trying and slowly failing to pay attention in class. When the bell rings to signal it’s lunch Bram’s hands are shaking and he can feel his heart go a mile a minute. It’s almost like he’s on autopilot as he makes his way to the cafeteria but stops just at the doors that lead inside. His eyes see Leah and Garrett at their table with Morgan and Anna who are off to the side. The former two are chatting away as they watch something on a phone while Garrett and Leah are talking about something huddled together. He can spy an orange packet and another letter which is the only thing that propels him to start walking towards the table.

He hovers a bit before moving to sit next to Garrett. He’s greeted with an arm slung around his shoulder and a small smile from Leah. “Garrett’s lucky that I didn’t punch him for what he did.” The comment makes Garrett freeze as he turns to give his best friend his version of puppy dog eyes. “I didn’t do anything besides send a random text man. I just- I just want you to be happy Bram.” He confessed and who could stay mad at that? He does punch Garrett’s arm lightly before turning his attention back to Leah.

For some reason he’s back to being shy again, the words coming out soft and hesitant.

“So you… umm. You have something for me?” The words are all mumbled together but she seems to hear him clearly as she passes him a packet of Reese's that has a folded note on it and the last letter. This one is Harry Potter themed with lightning bolts, the houses, a small drawing of the castle, owls, and a snitch. “You’re an amazing artist Leah.” The comment makes Leah blush as she gives him another quick smile before digging into her lunch. Garrett and her respectfully scoot down the bench to give him some small form of privacy. Bram really appreciates it.

As much as he wants to read the letter, the small note on the Reese’s is what he reads first.

It does make him blush and laugh, a short chuckle he tries to cover with his hand but both Leah and Garrett snap their head to look at him in awe. They’re both burning with curiosity but can’t get over the shock of hearing him laugh.

Leah’s voice has a touch of wonder when she says, “I think that’s the first time i’ve ever heard you laugh.” Garrett just stares at him with a shocked smile. “Same” His voice is as almost a whisper like he doesn’t realize he said it.

The whole thing makes Bram blush harder as covers his face with one hand and pushes the Reese’s with the note open towards them.

It reads: Oreo’s are still better than sex but like always you’re the exception. Here are your sub-par Reese’s.

Bram quickly leaves them with his gifts in hand as they start laughing, the phrase ‘what a dork’ and ‘omg’ the last thing he hears before he’s out of the cafeteria and walking to his car. He wants total and complete privacy when he reads the last letter so what better place than his car.

Dear Blue,

So i’m now freaking out and still nervous. I think this is what you must have felt like when you were sure i’d actually be intelligent and start figuring out all the clues you left. This is horrible. I think i’m actually getting nauseous (yes i’m using that word now) but i’m still also trying to stay hopeful that you don’t just trash all of these letters or not show up after.

I’ll be honest and say i’d be really sad but if that was what you wanted then i’d just have to suck it up and take the hit. I hope you like the Reese’s and the note. It took me almost 8 times to write the word sex, hell it took me a good 5 minutes to write it here. I sorta wish I didn’t have rehearsal so I could be there to see if you did blush or laugh. I think I might die if I hear your actual laugh though but i’m pretty sure it would be worth it. I’m getting a little tired of saying that i’m sorry because I feel like it’s kind of being overused so here’s another crack at trying to be romantic. Je suis désolé mon cher Bleu. Je t'en supplie, pardonne-moi.

-Love, Simon.

Nothing. Bram’s brain crashed and he’s drawing up a blank, just a blank nothing. The only thing stopping him from going to find Simon right now is class and that Simon is rehearsing. Also the still lingering fear of coming out to people he doesn’t actually know aka fellow students. Garrett was fine. His parents were fine. Leah, Nick, and Abby are fine too but it’s still so new and frightening.

Bram also selfishly wants to keep the emails and what’s going on with Simon mainly between them, keep this private intimate thing they have just for a little bit longer. He can make himself wait till the end of school.

Simon cannot make it to the end of rehearsals. He’s literally dying and the fond but annoyed look Abby keeps shooting him doesn’t help. It’s not his fault he keeps zoning out okay, he’s trying his best with everything that’s going on right now.

Finally they get the dismissal from Ms. Albright to go and it takes everything in Simon to not just run out and find Leah or Nick or be brave and go to Bram first. Abby hooks their arms together and it helps ground him just enough to calm down and change. She also makes sure he keeps the make-up on this time.

Once they’ve changed out of costume and start making their way to the parking lot, all his nerves and fears start coming back the closer they get. Simon keeps switching back from keeping his eyes on the ground and searching the crowd of people.

He tries not to be devastated when he only sees Nick and Leah at his car. Abby squeezes his hand in apology.

Nick and Leah seem to notice them and Nick all but sprints towards them as he tackles them in a hug. Leah catches up and sees the faces both Abby and him are making. She groans and nudges Nick. “Don’t you have something for him?” “Oh right!” He digs into his pocket to pull out a folded piece of blue paper and pushes it into Simon’s hand. “He would be here but well- just read the note man i’m sure he’ll explain.”

Unfolding the paper Simon reads the same perfect script and just seeing it lets him breathe again.

Dear Jacques,

Reese’s are not sub-par. I have no idea how I’m going to actually talk to you in person, it was just so much easier by email and even now writing it down. I need to talk to my mom first about going out but I know she’ll let me since I would be Garrett's ride. I also might need just a little bit more time before I actually see you, but I do want to see you again. The only thing stopping me from doing so at Lunch was that you were rehearsing and i’m honestly not sure what I would have done or said. I also hoped that you were Jacques.

As for all the apologies, I forgave you pretty much at the start of the first letter. The two that followed just cemented it and made me miss you even more. I’ll see you soon.

-Love, Bram.

P.S. No I don’t want things to go back to the way they were. I think i’m ready for a little bit of change.

P.P.S. Is it bad I do still want to keep you to myself via our emails? I don’t want to hide if this, us, becomes a thing but I still want to keep this private intimate thing we have. Does this make sense?

Simon covers his face with the note and he feels like it might melt off.

Bram wants to see him. Bram forgave him. His plan wasn’t a total fail and Bram doesn’t hate him. They’re going to see each other!

“Oh my god I need to change!” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth as he leaves his friends to jog to his car. He drops his keys twice and almost hits the car next to him when he opens the door.

A hand grabs his arm and steers him to the passenger side. “I’ll drive Si, you just sit and- i don’t know breathe? Maybe put that away for safekeeping.” Abby taps the blue paper that’s currently crushed against Simon’s chest and he quickly lays it across the dashboard to smooth it out. “I- yes. Smart. I just- help me?” Everyone kindly laughs at the strange voice he’s using and easily pile in so they can head to the Spier's residence. Simon needs to pick up a shirt.

It’s a gay bar/restaurant and now Simon wants to die for a whole new different reason.

“Abby really?” He bemoans as they head inside and if Bram doesn’t join them he would totally understand.

She just smirks at him and pushes him through the door. “Why not? We should celebrate for finishing rehearsal and you not being an idiot. Also just think,” she tilts her head so only he can hear “i’m sure you want to hold hands and sit next to each other.” Simon’s face is now permanently red. For life. Why are they friends.

“Maybe.” He mumbles a little excited at the possibility of it but he’s still concerned for Bram. He’s not sure how he’ll feel about all of this. “I just- i’m worried this might be too much for him.”

“I think he’ll be fine.” A soft voice answers him.

Simon spins around so fast he crashes into Nick and then almost stumbles back into Abby. Leah just sighs and rests a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “We’re being shown to our table now guys.”

Simon stands with his hands covering his face and all Bram can think about is how adorable he is right now. The others follow the hostess while he and Simon hang back near the waiting area.

Bram has no idea how but he crosses the few steps between them and stands right next to him, close enough that their shoulders brush together. A small gasp escapes from Simon and now Bram is the one blushing.

“Hi.” Simon squeaks out and gathers as much courage as he can to lift his head and look at Bram. Somehow it’s harder for him look away now.

A small smile greets him and after all this time Bram can finally stare into those moon-grey eyes. “Hi.” he answers and presses their arms together. “We should- um I think-” Simon sends him a smile, understanding what Bram’s trying to say. “Join the others? Ya.” He nudges their shoulders and takes a step before pausing and ducking his head. “I’m really glad you came Bram.” He takes a shaky breath before adding, “And that it’s you.”

Bram didn’t realize how much hearing Simon say his name all hopeful and softly would affect him. He thinks he could listen to only that for the rest of his life. “I’m glad it’s you too Simon.”

Their hands brush as they walk to join the others, grinning so wide it hurts. Of course their friends make sure to save them a spot so they sit together.

Even though this place is supposed to be a safe place for them, they keep their hands under the table. Both feeling brave they sit pressed together and slowly link their pinkies together.

Garrett ordered for Bram and Leah ordered for Simon so now they just wait for their food arrives.

Of course out of their entire group Abby and Garrett are bouncing in their seats trying their best to let their mutual friends be.

Simon and Bram share a look then shrug.

“Out with it before you both explode.”

Both Abby and Garrett take in a long breath of air before firing off questions one after the other.

“How long has this been going on!”

“Did Spier grovel enough?”

“Simon how can you call yourself a Hufflepuff after this?”

“What did you think about the plan Bram?”

“We have your backs okay, you know that right?”

“Spier I will murder you if you hurt my best friend.”

“Ditto Si, sorry but I'm still annoyed at you.”

“True but we’re all going to make Addison’s ass grass right?”

Leah, Nick, and Abby agreed and then the conversation turned to how they’d make Martin pay for what he did.

Simon gets a little weird about that because he still doesn’t know if he wants to deal with that situation. He closes in on himself just a little but when he says, “Hey it’s- i’m fine about the Martin thing okay. I just don’t want to deal with it anymore so can we just leave it?” Bram looks around to everyone who’s frowning at Simon and then it clicks for him. He didn’t realize anything could make him that angry ever. Bram turns to Simon and gives him a firm questioning look that Simon answers with a meek nod.

“If I see him I might punch him.” Bram says it with such certainty because it’s an actual fact.

Leah flicks a tiny paper ball at Simon. “I call dibs after you.” Simon slowly lifts his head to look at Leah, their eyes having a silent conversation before she grins. “You may have fucked up Si and we’re all still a little mad about it, but what Martin did was cruel and it shouldn’t have happened.” She kicks her feet against his under the table before smirking. “Now I want to know what that Reese’s note was about.”

Bram laughs at the suggested look Garrett gives them and Simon buries his face into his shoulder.

This time it’s Abby and Nick who stare at Bram because again they’ve never heard him laugh before and Nick’s on a team with him.

“It’s just easier to be brave when you don’t know who the other person is.” Bram admits. Now his and Simon’s hands are laced together, he gives it a light squeeze and gets one back.

Simon lets out a rather loud sigh that’s met by everyone awwing at him. He’s never been more thankful for a waiter to arrive with food.

It’s maybe a little bit after that Simon realizes he still has his face pressed into Bram’s shoulder. He moves to pull away but Bram’s hand tightens in his, their eyes meet and they both seem to understand what the other’s trying to say. They’ve slipped so easily into this, being near each other and face to face, the fear and anxiety of how they’d make this work all gone.

It’s the best meal either of them have ever had.

It’s after they’ve paid their bill and are hanging out near their cars, that Abby and Garrett realize their questions were never answered.

Simon and Bram share a fond look as they think about how all of this started.

“You guys remember that anonymous post?”

“Omg it was Bram!” Leah gushed.

Bram gives them all a sheepish smile. “One of the most terrifying actions of my life. I’m glad I did it.” They’re in public but that’s not stopping them from standing just a little too close. “I’m glad I emailed you.”

“I’m glad I sent Nick that text!” Garrett winks at them.

“Oh great. Our own personal cupid.” Simon’s drawls. Bram and him give Garrett a flat look.

He holds his hands up in surrender but keeps smiling. “I felt bad at first but I no longer regret it okay. You guys are freaking glowing.”

“Did you like all the sappy gifts?”Abby asks. Her arm is hooked through both Leah and Nicks, who also want to know.

Bram shrugs. “They were alright.” His voice is monotone and Simon gives him a blinding grin as everyone else groans at them. Bram can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face as he looks to Simon. “Well more than alright. Actually really freaking perfect. Of course you’d go all out.”

Simon’s voice goes soft as he just stares at Bram. “I had to.”

“Damn that was sweet.” Abby whispers, breaking their small moment.

They slowly settle into silence and enjoy this bonding moment where they’re all just highschool kids hanging out enjoying life.

A pensive look crosses Nicks face but he looks hesitant to share what's on his mind.

Simon has a feeling he knows so he gives him a small smile. “So… what are you guys going to do now?” Abby and Garrett frown at him but Nick’s dejected face makes them sigh in understanding.

Bram thought he’d be more worried about that question, the big ‘what now’ but he’s not, or well he is but now it seems a little easier to handle. He knows there’s going to be some things that are unavoidable, that they’ll face some hate but he has so much more support now and he does feel a lot better with not having to keep such a big secret anymore.

Simon has already had to deal with some of the backlash of coming out but he can’t be mad because it’s been pretty tame so far and there’ll always be people who just won’t understand or accept it. He’s out now and it’s like he can breathe so much better . His only worry is for Bram and what he’ll want to do but there’s that tiny part of him that hopes they can be together, go on dates and possibly be boyfriends.

“We’ll figure it out, talk about it.” Bram voices. “I already told Simon that I think i’m ready for a little change and I think I got pretty lucky to end up with my long time crush.”

Simon’s eyes go wide at that new bit of information. “I’m the cute guy that you can’t talk to!” He whispers and hides his face in his hands. “Why am I an oblivious idiot?”

“Well at least you’re going to be my oblivious idiot.” Bram blushes when he says it but he keeps his eyes on said adorable oblivious idiot. He’s just incredibly happy right now.

Simon is just- he’s so happy he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “I don’t deserve you.” he bemoans. “Oh I- I never thanked you for the shirt.”

Leah snorts. “The one you kept under your pillow? Also the one you’re wearing?”

“Betrayed!”

“Shut up you’re just sappy.”

Their laughter is interrupted by a phone chiming, of course, everyone checking theirs to see who’s it is. It’s Abby’s, a text from her mom wanting to know when she’ll be home.

“Well guess it’s getting pretty late guys. Ready to head home?”

Everyone reluctantly agrees because there is a thing called school they have tomorrow and all of them are still underage to stay out past curfew.

Simon and Bram linger a bit, not wanting to leave each other just yet.

“I’ll uh text you when I get home? I- I have your number now so we can do that and only if you want to-” Bram chews on his lip as he looks around before bringing Simon into a quick hug. “I’ll be waiting.”

They part and get into their respective cars, grinning like fools the whole drive home.

#love simon #My writing #fic #spierfeld #Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda spoilers #spoilers #Simon Spier #Bram Greenfeld #svthsa #love you shay #love you maud

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