#i’m so shy it’s not even ben funny

[urkitty-girl]

Yes, im a needy slut online who loves fantasizing about rough CNC and other kinks

Yes, im extremely shy irl and will probably get flustered and blush at anything you say, dirty or not

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Possessive ( Soldier Boy)

Description: Soldier Boy is a possessive and jealous type Boyfriend

Word Count: 777

Request: Hey lovely. I saw your requests are open for The boys. Could I request something for solder boy ? 🥰 I’m obsessed with the man I don’t know why but I always imagine him a dash insecure and possessive for this new world and perhaps his girlfriend in this new world he’s been dropped in 🙈🫣

Author’s note: Taking request for the boys!!!!!

As much as Y/N loved Ben she was a little annoyed at how possessive he could be. She hated that when any man talked to her, Ben would have to show them that she was taken even if the guy had zero interest in her. Y/N had never met Homelander until this very moment and he wasn’t shy at all. “Well William, who is this?” He asked as he eyed the girl. “Y/N.” She said sternly not wanting to interact with him. “Well Y/N you are mighty gorgeous.” He said.

She looked at him with a weird look but before she could even utter a word her boyfriend stepped in. “Are you flirting with her?” Ben asked not even hiding the possessiveness. “Maybe I am, old man.” He said not realizing that they were together. Ben stepped forward not afraid of the cape wearing psycho. “Well back off bucko she’s mine.” He growled. Homelander let out a laugh, “That beauty is yours?” He asked in disbelief. Nobody else found it funny. “Yeah and what about it?” Y/N looked between both men and could see the thick tension.

Homelander shrugged, “Just that. She could do so much better than you.” He said like it was nothing. Ben scoffed, “Oh yeah? And does that mean you?” Ben asked. “Could be.” Ben didn’t hesitate to punch the man in the face with all his might. Homelander backed away holding his face but he was laughing. “Wow you uh ya got jealous there huh?” “Not jealous, just don’t think you should be talking like that.” Ben said but Y/N knew that he was jealous. Though he had no reason to be. Billy was getting annoyed with the high school drama and lasered passed Homelander. They all looked at him and he shrugged, “Quit ya yappin’ about that shit. Ain’t why we're here.” Y/N agreed with the man but Ben and Homelander didn’t stop. They were fighting and punching all while Homelander told Ben that he wasn’t worth Y/N’s time.

Ben could even be possessive around Hughie as if Hughie wasn’t with Starlight. Y/N laughed as Hughie said something funny but Billy just rolled his eyes not finding it funny. Y/N being the only one that laughed made Ben tense up. He watched as she laughed at the nerdy boy’s jokes. A scowl sat on his face and Frenchie laughed. Ben looked over at him, “Something funny?” He asked him. Frenchie held up his hands, “It’s just you’re getting possessive over nothing.” Frenchie said with a shrug hoping not to get killed. Ben rolled his eyes, “Am not getting jealous.” He said.

He hated that everyone thought that when he knew that he had the prettiest girl in the world and that he himself was hot. “But you’re staring at them like you wanna kill them.” He points out. “Would you rather I stare at you like that?” He asked, glaring at him. Frenchie shook his head and walked away. Y/N got up and walked over to Ben who looked grumpy. She wrapped her arms around his neck, “Hey sexy man. What’s got you so down?” She asked with a flirty tone.

“Having fun over there?” He ignored her question. She looked over where Billy and Hughie were sitting and sighed. “Ben seriously?” She looked back at him. “You were laughing like he just told you the funniest joke in the world.” He said. She rolled her eyes, “Maybe he did but so what?” “No man besides me should have you laughing like that.” He said. “Ben, you have nothing to worry about. I love you and only you. Plus Hughie has a girlfriend.” She pointed out. He sighed, he knew that she was right but he couldn’t help himself. “How about I show you that you have nothing to worry about?” She whispered in his ear. He perked up at that and smirked. “How about I show all these assholes that you’re mine?” He challenged and got up. “They already know but I’m not opposed to that.” She said.

He chuckled and leaned down and kissed her. She kissed him back and he grabbed her thighs causing her to jump up and wrap her legs around his waist. The kiss deepened and she moaned into it when he grabbed her ass. “Ay can ya take it somewhere else?” Billy asked not wanting to see them fuck. They pulled away from the kiss and looked at the man. “We can take it somewhere else but you’re still gonna hear it.” Ben said, causing Y/N to gasp. Billy didn’t say anything, he just rolled his eyes as Ben carried Y/N to their room.

[anundyingfidelity]

WHAT IF...? — Soldier Boy/Ben (2)

Summary: Ben, now as your husband, gives up Vought for good and retires along with you far away from the spotlight and the big cities once you're pregnant with your first child. He knows better than to make the same mistakes his father did.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader

Word count: 900ish.

Warnings: none, soft Ben, OOC!Ben? idk, this is sweet.

GEN MASTERLIST! — DRABBLES MASTERLIST!

taglist is here!

PART 2

1990

The way back home was tiring to say the least. You and Ben had a weekend shopping schedule. It wasn’t the best idea John had for a funny Saturday, but you could tell he enjoyed being at the mall. He was six already, full of energy, joy, and eager to discover the wonders of the world.

From the passenger seat you moved slightly just to check on your son. He was already snoring in the back seat, drooling and sleeping peacefully as if it was his own bed. The sight of him just made you smile.

“He had a great time, huh?” Ben asked, giving you a side glance. He got better at driving after you gave birth, which you were so thankful for.

“Yeah, I mean, he’d definitely pick a baseball game instead but this is good for him,” you said back. “He’s been at home too much, don’t you think?”

“Hey, it's school break! Do you really love your kid?” Ben teased with a playful smile, you rolled your eyes.

“Shut up. All I mean is that I’d just like him to have friends and talk to other kids, do the normal kindergarten stuff… That’s all.”

Ben nodded more for himself. There have been a couple of weeks already, and he was more than happy to spend time with the little brat, but he got your point. You didn’t want him to be alone and the teacher at kindergarten had told both of you John was having some trouble with making friends and socializing in general. He was shy, but smart and creative, but even the teacher had some issues when talking to him at first. John wasn’t like that at home and it hurted you just a bit.

“Probably we should call Janine and some of the parents that were there in the last parent conference, you still have their numbers. We can do something for our kids to meet outside school,” you suggested.

“I think those moms were hitting on me,” your husband said, taking a last turn on the highway before heading home. He chuckled as low as he could when you patted his arm. You got pretty jealous at the last meeting when those ladies approached him, almost swooning. Even John’s teacher looked like she’d faint anytime. “What? I’m Soldier Boy anyway.”

“You’re an idiot.”

He parked the car outside your house after an hour of driving. There were some cons of living in the outskirts of the city, but as long as his family got the calm and green life around, driving for so long was not a problem.

You took John between your arms, careful of not waking him up. He weighed more and more each year, reminding you he wasn’t a baby anymore. He was taller, a good talker at least with you and Ben, he liked seeing the squirrels in the trees that surrounded the house, and he was very, very smart.

It felt like a day ago you gave birth to him, that he started babbling nonsense, and mere seconds that he started walking little baby steps… Now, his eyes were bright blue, his hair long and blonde, his cheeks sprinkled with freckles just like his dad…

Most of his factions were just like Ben’s mother, and she was beautiful from the old pictures he’d show you before. You were happy John was like an exact copy of her, you knew how much Ben loved her and how much her death hurted for him. John was like a reincarnation of her spirit, now sleeping in your arms.

Ben started to take out the grocery bags and some other stuff you had gotten yourself from the city, most of them puzzles, board games, and teddies John picked back there. As much as you tried to get him to reason to not buy unnecessary things, he would just spoil John a lot. But you understood why he did it. He was nothing like his father, he had time to learn how to be a better man, how to manage his own feelings and slowly, teach John to be a good man, even at his young age. You felt so proud of him, watching him discharge the bags on the kitchen counter with John clinging to you, deep in slumber, his little arms now wrapped around your neck to not let go.

When finished, Ben looked at you with a soft look on his eyes. You, holding his son, was a picture he’d never grown tired of. He would hit himself to confirm it wasn’t just a beautiful dream; it was real. You and John were very real, and he was thankful for giving up the superhero shit already. This could never compare to anything Vought offered to him before; what he built in there with you was everything he ever needed.

“I’m gonna take him to his room,” you mumbled, but before you could walk up the stairs, Ben approached you.

“I’ll do,” he announced in an equally low voice.

“You sure? I don’t want him to wake up-”

“John sleeps like a trunk, trust me,” Ben said, taking the kid softly away from your arms. John immediately wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck, hiding his face on the crook of his neck. He was so exhausted after the trip.

“Right,” you nodded. “Thanks, I love you.”

Ben gave you a charming smile, one that you never could grow tired of. He leaned down to kiss your lips softly, his new and trimmed beard tickling your skin a little.

“I’ll be here in a couple of minutes to help you,” he said.

You watched him disappear on the stairs to the second floor, John deeply sleeping in his strong arms, hugging each other.

Weekend trips like this were monotonous sometimes, but it was okay because you always came back home with your boys after all.

Soldier Boy taglist:

@delaynew @k-slla @thesilmarillionblog @onlyangel-444 @mrsjenniferwinchester

@daisy-the-quake @jackles010378 @mostlymarvelgirl @deans-spinster-witch @drasticemotions

@stoneyggirl2 @sapnaploves

@believeinthefireflies95 @demodemo909

[padfootagain]

The Trouble with Tequila

Hello lovelies ! Today, we’re answering an anonymous request for some adorable Ben Barnes: “Hellooo! I know you probably have tons of requests on queue but this idea have been in my mind the whole day and I think it’s so cute and I have to share it with you. Since we all are thirsting over Mr. Ben Barnes and imagining lovely scenarios what about one where he and reader are engaged and they are out in a club (maybe his brother is there too) and reader is at the bar waiting for drinks or something, Ben is at table with his brother and he’s a bit drunk at this point of the night y’know, and he sees reader over there and he’s like “omg that woman is so beautiful i have to go and talk to her” and Jack is about to stop him but then he realizes is you who caught his brother’s eye in his drunken state and he finds it funny and cute and he encourages Ben to go to talk to you. And he’s all shy and cute and reader is a bit caught of guard at first and then she realizes what’s going on, and then Ben asks her out but his eyes catches your engagement ring and he’s all sad and be like “oh of course you’re engaged” and reader be “yes i’m engaged to a wonderful man . . . “ and she finish saying “i’m engaged to YOU” and Benny B be like “you engaged to me?“ jkyjkjykjy I just think he would be so freaking adorable and I can’t stop thinking about this”

Thank you so much for your request, anon! I hope you enjoy this cute little piece I’ve written for you!

I hope you all like this! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x reader

Warnings: Adorable cuteness. Alcohol, obviously… so much fluff…

Summary: You spend an evening in a club with Ben and his brother, but Ben gets a little too drunk and is very confused when he realizes that the pretty woman at the bar is actually engaged to him… how lucky he is!

Word Count: 2430

Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

It was a nice evening. You had spent some time dancing with Jack – as Ben obviously remained safely by the table. The club was pretty busy but you didn’t feel too overwhelmed by the crowd. The music was perfect for jumping around, and your group of friends was joyful and full of laughter tonight. Under the blinking lights, in the dimly lit room, you reckoned that this evening was going brilliantly.

You were enjoying yourself, and so was Ben. Or well, Ben seemed to be enjoying himself a little too much, actually. You looked at him with confusion painted all over your features when he downed yet another tequila shot…

“You’re okay, baby?” you asked, speaking loudly to cover the music. But Ben gave you a toothy grin, his eyelids falling a little more than usual over his dark eyes because of the liquor.

“I’m good,” he nodded, words slurred. “Brilliant, actually.”

“I think you should slow down, you’re getting pretty drunk…”

But Ben merely rolled his eyes.

“I’m perfectly fine, darling. I know what I’m doing.”

“Really?”

“Of course! I know my limits.”

As if to prove a point, he downed yet another shot and grinned, his cheeks flushed with alcohol, the red spreading down his neck and over his upper chest, visible as he had left the first buttons of his black shirt undone.

It was your turn to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to the toilets, and then I’ll get myself another drink. I’ll be right back, love.”

He nodded, not letting you leave before he got a peck on the lips, a dreamy smile lingering across his features as you pulled away.

You were gone for a while, taking a break on your own for a few minutes before joining back the party that was going on outside the safety of the bathroom, and then waiting by the bar to order a new drink. Meanwhile, Ben was getting more drunk. He had stopped drinking, but the effects of the successive shots he had downed in a matter of minutes were finally hitting him fully.

His head was spinning, he felt giddy and excited but his mind was blurred, as if surrounded by fog.

“You’re alright, Ben?” his brother asked him, noticing that he wasn’t sitting straight anymore and that his eyelids seemed even heavier than before.

“Yeah… I’m great,” Ben smiled, but his words were too slurred now. “Just… a little tired.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Nah! I’m fine…”

“You’re not fine! Come on, that’s enough!” Jack admonished, grabbing Ben’s next drink before he could raise it to his lips.

“Hey! I’m the older brother!” Ben protested. “I’m the one to look after you and be a pain in your arse! Give me that!”

But as he leaned further, the room span faster, and Ben blinked a few times.

“Why is the room moving? Are we on a boat?”

“No, Ben. We’re in a club.”

“Ha… yes… Hmmm… I think I’m gonna throw up.”

Jack rolled his eyes, cursing under his breath, but he couldn’t simply abandon his brother like this.

“You’ll hear about this. I’ll give you hell for this, you asshole.”

“Mind your language, you jerk!”

“Dimwit!”

“Fucker!”

But as Jack was helping him to his feet, Ben seemed to spot something beyond his brother’s shoulder, and his eyes grew a little round. His pupils were already dilated because of the liquor, but they grew even more at the sight…

There was this woman at the bar. God, she was so beautiful. Out-of-this-world kind of gorgeous…

Jack frowned as Ben suddenly refused to budge.

“Come on, asshole!”

“Jack… I think I’ve just fallen in love…”

Ben’s brother frowned hard.

“What?”

“I need to go talk to this girl and get her number…”

“What girl? What are you talking about, you moron!?”

Jack didn’t get it. He knew his brother like the back of his hand, he wasn’t the kind to cheat on you. He would never look at another woman. He loved you way too much for that, and he was too loyal, too kind-hearted to even consider it for a second…

But then Jack turned around to follow his brother’s gaze and his eyes landed on… you.

You were the woman Ben had spotted and fallen head-over-heels for in the span of a second. You were waiting for your drink, standing by the bar, looking around to pass the time.

Jack exploded with laughter.

“This girl? Over there?” he asked Ben.

“Yeah… she’s so pretty…”

Ben hiccupped, blinking a couple of times.

“I’m gonna go and talk to her!” he decided.

And Jack found this absolutely hilarious. He would never let Ben live down to this moment. He would remind him every chance he got how stupid alcohol made him.

“Well, go ahead then, before she leaves.”

Ben nodded, shuffling out of his brother’s hold, and with clumsy steps, he made his way through the crowd.

When he finally reached you, you welcomed him with a bright smile. And he was absolutely blinded by the sight.

“Hi,” he breathed, blushing profusely, growing a little shy now that he had to talk to you.

“Hi, handsome,” you answered, your smile growing amused, and his heart skipped a beat at the pet name.

“I just… I wondered if I could buy you a drink. Because I think you’re absolutely gorgeous. And I… Can I have your number?”

You frowned at that, puzzled.

“My number? What are you talking about, Ben?”

He gasped, eyes growing round.

“How can you know my name?”

Your frown deepened.

“Is it a joke?”

“No, I… I love you. I just saw you over there and… puff! In love! At first sight… crazy...”

You were about to answer when you saw Jack laughing his arse off behind Ben, a few steps away, and he gestured to you that Ben was losing his mind and you needed to play along.

You grew more amused, shaking your head, still a little puzzled.

Ben tried to lean against the bar but stumbled, and you caught him before he would fall.

“I reckon you had a little too much to drink, baby,” you said in a gentle voice.

Ben gave you the brightest grin.

“I love it when you call me that.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah… and when you said my name too, I love it. It sounds so good when you say it.”

He frowned as he looked down at his forearm, where your hand still rested and held onto his shirt.

He blinked.

“You’re… you’re engaged? You’re married?”

“Engaged,” you answered, struggling not to laugh.

“Oh… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come over, then. But of course… the perfect woman has to be engaged to another guy…”

He kept on apologizing profusely, before you would laugh, and he fell silent, struck by the sound.

“I’m engaged to a wonderful man. He makes me very happy.”

Ben nodded slowly, looking quite sad by now, and you decided to put him out of his misery, at long last.

“I’m engaged to you, silly!” you explained, but Ben frowned hard.

He blinked again. Once, twice, thrice.

“You… you’re engaged… to me?”

“Yes, Ben. I’m engaged to you.”

“You’re engaged to ME?!” he asked again, aghast. “But… how could I get so lucky?”

Your heart fluttered at the earnest question, and you shrugged.

“I’m asking myself the same question. I often wonder how I got lucky enough to be with you.”

He grinned at that.

“So… I’m getting married.”

“You are. To me.”

He threw his arms up in celebration, and you couldn’t refrain your mocking laughter.

“Ben, what are you doing?”

“I’m getting married! Oh… but of course, I’m silly. I’m getting married to Y/N!”

He heaved a dreamy smile, closing his eyes and letting his arms fall back to his sides.

“Y/N… she’s amazing. She’s so smart, and so funny, and so kind, and so pretty. Do you have any idea how gorgeous she is? She’s… perfect…”

Your heart radiated warmth and love at his words.

But then, he blinked his eyes open again, and he looked at you with a frown and a tilt of his head.

“But… if we’re engaged. And I’m with Y/N… You’re Y/N!” he realized, and before you could react, he had wrapped his arms around you and was holding you so tight you could barely breathe at all. “Y/N! I love you so much!”

You laughed, patting his back.

“I love you too, baby. But you’re crushing me a little now.”

“I don’t care. I’ll crush you into a marshmallow.”

“A marshmallow?”

“Yes… or… I don’t know what you can crush. What can you crush?”

You laughed at his silly thoughts, when the waiter reappeared, at long last, with your drink.

When Ben finally pulled away, you looked at Jack, shaking your head at him.

“Come on, help me get him in a cab,” you ordered, and Jack complied without much of a protest.

“What about your drink?” he asked, but he was interrupting by Ben’s voice.

“Jack! Have I ever told you how much I love Y/N? Did you know that she had the softest skin… and the most beautiful eyes… and she can even remember stuff like grocery lists! Isn’t that amazing?!”

You and Jack laughed so much at Ben, your stomachs hurt.

“Wow, crazy! You’re a lucky bastard for landing this one!” Jack played along, half-carrying his brother out of the club and into the street.

“Yeah, I’m so lucky… the luckiest…”

You thanked Jack as he offered to pay for the drinks for the night so you could take Ben home.

“Don’t get your mind twisted!” he replied. “I’m not doing this out of charity. I’d just rather pay for all the drinks than having to deal with him tonight!”

You laughed at that, kissing his cheek and bidding him a good night before you would climb in the taxi with Ben.

You struggled a little to get him home, but you thought the worst was behind you as you locked the door.

How mistaken you were…

Ben started to fuss around when he struggled to untie his shoes. He was taking off his shirt when he grew paler, and looked up at you with a frown.

“I think I’m going to throw up…”

You barely had enough time to push him into the bathroom and make him kneel before the toilets before he was throwing up.

You cursed at his stupidity for drinking so much and making himself so sick, and rubbed his back until he was done. You helped him back to his feet and let him brush his teeth.

“Thank you,” he mumbled when you brushed a few strands of his hair out of his face.

“I’ll get you some clean clothes, you get undressed, okay, my love?”

He obediently nodded, and you thought you could leave him alone for a minute.

Again… how mistaken you were…

When you walked back into the bathroom with some pyjamas, Ben was under the shower… fully dressed.

He had opened the buttons of his shirt, it hung open, the thin, black material clanging to his skin because of the cold water. His hair was flattened across his face, and his dark pants were drenched as well already…

You gasped, hurrying to turn off the water.

“What on earth are you doing?!” you admonished.

“I’m showering.”

“Yes, I can see that. But in your clothes?”

“It would save time to do both at once. You wash yourself and the clothes! Wow… that’s genius. Why haven’t I thought of that before?”

“Because it’s a stupid idea.”

He pouted, looking genuinely sad.

“You think I’m stupid?”

You heaved an annoyed sigh, and yet you couldn’t refrain the fondness in your tone as you answered.

“Of course, I don’t think you’re stupid. But you’re drunk right now. It’s late, and we need to put you to bed so you can sleep. Come on, you need to drink some water before going to bed.”

But he shook his head, beginning to strip.

“I don’t want to go to bed. I want to stay in the shower, it feels nice. You could join me! I could see you naked…”

He was interrupted by a hiccup, and you laughed at him, you couldn’t help it.

“Come on, love. Please, I’m very tired, I want to go to sleep too. Come on, get out.”

He complied, let you stop the water and help him get dry before he would put on some clothes again. You were surprised when he squished your cheeks.

“You are adorable,” he mumbled, then yawned. “You are as adorable as a pancake. A little mush mush muffin.”

“You’re making no sense, love.”

“I am making the most sense. Your skin is very soft too. And I want to squish!”

You broke free with a giggle, shaking your head at his silliness.

“Now, off to bed! Come on, I’m tired.”

“Anything you want, darling.”

He let you guide him to the bedroom, and you tucked him in before lying down by his side and turning off the light.

He shuffled closer, held you tight, cuddled you and you were happy to comply when he moved to be the little spoon.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered in the bedroom filled with darkness and the steady sounds of your two breaths. “I love you so much, it’s crazy. I want to spend my whole life with you. And… perhaps now isn’t the right time for me to ask this but… would you marry me? Cause I’d really like to be your husband. And I’d really like for you to be my wife too.”

You grinned, kissing his hair.

“Yes, Ben. I want to marry you. Actually, I’ve already said yes. Don’t you remember? I have a ring already.”

But when you looked down at him, he was already fast asleep.

The next morning, Ben woke to the worst headache of his life, and when you told him about your crazy adventures of the previous night – from his attempt to get your number to him throwing up and taking a shower with his clothes still on – Ben’s cheeks turned the deepest shade of red you had ever seen on him.

He buried his face in his hands in embarrassment, and apologized profusely, but you didn’t mind. At the end of the day, all of his actions showed how much he loved you. There was no harm done. You would tease him endlessly for that night though.

And Ben swore to never drink tequila ever again…

*************************

Taglist : @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic

[spider-stark]

thank you so much for writing that benji fic, it literally fed my starving soul for some benjicot fanfic!!!

NOW PLEASEEEE idk if you taking requests (sorryyyy) but would you maybe write more? maybe the reader is rhaenyra daughter, sent to the riverlands to find support for her mother, and she and benji are roughly the same age so she kinda has a crush on him and him on her and AAAA just do your magic?? bc i already loved your fanfics a lot

also, i saw you said you had a hard time writing benji? idk if you read the books, but from someone who did, he is known as a shy, gentle boy outside the battles (he even cries when he see how much bodies are left in the aftermath of a battle). it is like he turns into another person when he becomes bloody ben! but i think you did an amazing job portraying him against a bracken!

OFC!!!🖤🖤

it’s so funny you mentioned this idea cause i’m actually in the middle of writing something for him with a reader that’s Rhaenyra’s daughter!! hopefully gonna have it finished in the next day or so, but after that’s posted i’m definitely down to try writing this request!!

and ALSO, thank you for the help with some tips on his character! i read Fire & Blood what feels like forever ago and i wasn’t really sure how to portray the more shy side of him—which is exactly why i went with a Bracken!Reader because i felt like it afforded more room for sarcasm and general rivalry type banter lol. but with the piece i’m currently doing i’m definitely working in the other aspects of his personality and developing a better grip on his character!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the compliment, the request, and the much-needed and appreciated advice!!🖤🖤 and i hope you’re having a great day!!

[mountttmase]

A Mountain To Climb: The Sequel

Chapter Two

Note - thank you to everyone who left me feedback for the last chapter 🩷 this is technically the first chapter where something new happens so I really hope you love it 🙊 feedback would be appreciated as always 🥰

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 3.3K

Warnings - series will contain fluff, smut and angst

Masterlist

Sunday nights were your favourite. You loved getting into bed early with fresh sheets and new book but tonight your usual routine was out the window.

It was almost 11pm and you were still sat on your sofa, trying to find the courage to pull yourself up when your phone buzzed.

Before you knew it, your phone was ringing and you couldn’t help but smile as you hit the answer button.

‘Mason, what are you playing at?’

‘Go look out your living room window’

‘What?’ You laughed, getting up slowly and making your way over but Mason kept quiet, the only noise coming from him was a few little giggles that made your heart thump. You pushed the curtain ever so gently so you could peek outside but now you knew why he was giggling. There he was, stood outside of his car as he waved up at you with that cheeky smile of his you’d missed this last week or so. ‘Mason Mount, what the hell are you doing here’ you laughed as you waved back at him.

‘Was on my way back from Chilly’s and I’m a bit peckish. Thought you might want to join me for a late night drive through run’

‘Mase… I’m in my pjs’ you giggled and you could see him laugh from the window.

‘I don’t care. We’ll be in the car so it’s not like anyone will see you. Come on, be a little reckless. I haven’t seen you in over two weeks’ he teased and you hated to admit he was right. The last time you’d seen Mason in person was two Fridays ago when you’d gone over to apologise and explain yourself. You’d spent the whole day together in the end but the pair of you had been fairly busy after that and even though you’d spoken every day you hadn’t managed to see each other.

Your resolve was quickly wearing away as you looked down at him and when he playfully dropped his lip you knew you were done for, huffing and rolling your eyes as he smiled up at you.

‘Get in the car, I’ll be five minutes’ you told him and you watched him celebrate like he’d scored a goal as he made his way round to his door.

You quickly ran to your room, slipping out of your shorts and into a pair of joggers before pulling on the matching hoodie and a pair of trainers. Your hair was a mess on top of your head but you didn’t have time to do anything with it let alone sort your face out so you grabbed your phone and keys and made your way down.

His head shot up as soon as you slid into the seat next to him and you offered him a shy smile as you got plugged in. You could feel yourself blushing as your heart thumped in your ears at being so close to him again and it took all of your willpower to glance over to him. He was looking back at you with the same red cheeks and shy expression and you felt a bit better.

‘Hi’ you smiled before letting out a little laugh and he smiled back before starting the car.

‘Hi’ he winked, before focusing on the road. ‘Thank you for joining me’

‘Didn’t really give me much choice, did you?’

‘I mean if you were comfortable with leaving me on the street then you could of but I’m glad you came to the right decision’ he joked and you rolled your eyes whilst trying to surprise a smile.

‘Did you have a nice time at Bens?’

‘Yeah it was alright, his girlfriend is away so-‘

‘So you can finally be together freely without her watching’ you cut him off, teasing him about how close they were but he just huffed with a smile.

‘Very funny’ he grumbled, but he couldn’t say anything else as he pulled into the queue for the drive through. There were only a few cars in front and he was soon enough he was relaying his order to the employee before facing you. ‘What would you like?’

Rather than tell Mason so he could repeat it, you unplugged yourself so you could lean over him, his face right next to yours and you spoke your order into the speaker and you almost jumped when you felt his hand gently rest on the back of your right thigh that was kneeling in the edge of his seat. Once you’d finished you turned to him, his face a lot closer than you realised and his eyes automatically looked down to your lips, seemingly too caught up in you to hear anything else that was going on.

‘Mason?’ You asked and he looked up just as you nodded over to the speaker.

‘Oh shit, sorry’ he laughed as you made your way back to your seat. ‘Sorry can you say that again?’

‘Can I get you anything else?’ The employee laughed and you watched as he scratched over his chin nervously.

‘No thanks mate, that’s all’

The drive round to the next window was quiet, the pair of you only speaking when you offered to pay. He brushed you off like you were delusional and it wasn’t long before he was parked up and you were dishing out his food to him.

‘You know for a small guy you sure do eat a lot’ you told him, horrified by the amount he’d ordered.

‘Who you calling small?’ He laughed, trying to flex his arm muscles and you’d be lying if you said your weren’t a little bit impressed. ‘Ive been putting loads of work in thank you very much’

‘Yeah but surely eating all this crap this late in the day can’t be good for you?’

‘Ah I’ll just put in an extra hour at the gym tomorrow it’s fine’ he winked and you felt yourself blush again.

Everything felt so new again with him, like you were just starting to get to know him. It was true in a way as this time you knew what direction you would be heading in and although you were still nervous about it you were also excited to finally be with him how you had always wanted to deep down. You could tell you were still both incredibly shy with each other but you just needed a little time to get into the rhythm of things.

‘I can’t believe we’re sat in a McDonald’s car park this late a night. I need a picture to commemorate this’ you laughed, grabbing your phone and awkwardly taking a picture of the pair of you with all your food and your heart thumped at his cheesy smile.

‘So what’s new’ he asked before shoving a handful of chips in his mouth and you couldn’t help but laugh at how goofy he was.

You sat and talked as you ate, updating him on the very little that had happened since you’d seen him a and he told you about training and the last game. You could tell he was a bit shy too but as you spoke the pair of you grew in confidence and the conversation flowed.

‘You’ll have to come to the next game, give you a chance to wear your Chelsea shirt’ he winked and you nodded at him nervously.

‘I never did thank you for that’ you laughed as you polished off the last your your drink. ‘So thanks’

‘Anytime’ he winked before he started rubbing his belly liked he’d eaten too much. ‘Maybe that extra burger on the side was a bad idea’

‘You think?’ You smiled, gathering all the rubbish into the paper bag so you could leave his car clean. ‘I’m just gonna pop to the loo so I’ll dump this inside’ you told him, scurrying off. You fancied something sweet on the way out so you sneakily ordered a small McFlurry and made sure to ask for an extra spoon. When you got back in the car he raised his eyebrow at you when he caught sight of it before laughing. ‘I got an extra spoon so we could share. You want some?’

‘Well it would be rude not to’ he smiled and you both lent in so you could share.

‘I thought you would be too full up for this’ you smiled and have gave you a little shrug.

‘There’s always room in my dessert tummy’ he winked ‘which reminds me, I need to put an order in for some more cookies’

‘Does that mean I’ll get paid this time?’

‘In a way’ he laughed and you felt your face flush at what he was implying as he finished off the last spoonful. ‘You fancy going for a bit of a drive?’ He asked and you nodded at him with a smile, glad he didn’t want to take you home yet.

You’d been driving for around 20 minutes when he told you he wanted to talk you somewhere close by but you’d been driving through country lanes for a while and you weren’t sure where he could want to take you but you agreed anyway.

‘What is it with you and taking me to weird forest’s. At least you had the decency to take me in the day last time’ you commented as he began driving up a muddy path that lead to god knows where and even though it was dark and no one could probably hear you scream for miles, you still felt safe.

You watched out the window as he pulled into a little empty car park, but it was the view in front of you that had you awestruck. The twinkling lights of London were shining in the distance and you turned to give Mason a smile, only realising then that he was already smiling at you.

‘Come on’ he motioned, making out like he wanted you to get out of the car and you looked back at him like he was insane. ‘What?’

‘It’s midnight, Mason. It’s bloody freezing’

‘Well we can keep each other warm’ he told you before opening his door and stepping outside. You thought he was mental, but the thought of maybe being close to him outweighed anything else you were thinking right now so you got out and followed him round to the front where he was perched on the bonnet. When you were in reach he pulled you by your arm so you could stand in between his legs, your back to his chest as he wrapped his arms around your middle and you felt yourself melt into his body as you rested your arms on top of his. This was the sort of contact you’d been craving from him for two weeks and you felt your heart pound as he settled his chin on your shoulder. ‘Is this okay?’

You could only nod, too nervous and afraid that your voice would betray you but he held you tighter so you could look out at the view together. It all felt so romantic and surreal as you felt his heart beat faintly against your back and you slowly stroked circles over his hands with your thumbs.

‘Should I find it weird you know so many romantic places in the woods?’ You asked him quietly, trying not to disturb the comfortable silence but you smiled as you felt his chest rumble with laughter. ‘I know you said we’re mountaineers now but I didn’t expect you to bloody take me up one’

‘I wouldn’t exactly call this a mountain, more of a large hill. And since you’re the first person I’ve ever brought here then no’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, saw it online last week and I knew we were close by so I thought we could check it out’

‘Aww have you been researching cute date ideas for us’ you joked but by the way he held you tighter and nestled into your neck you knew you’d hit the nail on the head.

‘Hush up’ he laughed, and you turned in his arms to face him. Your hands planted on his shoulders as his wrapped around your waist and you could still make out his cute blush in the dark.

‘So is this what this is, a date?’ You joked and you watched his face get even pinker.

‘You’re such a tease’ he laughed before you lent forward and kissed him on his nose. When you pulled back you could see he was looking up at you with a shy smile before he kissed your cheek, sending a shiver down your spine as you finally felt his lips on yours in some sort of way before he pulled back to bump his nose against yours.

You wanted to kiss him so much, and you were pretty sure he wanted to kiss you too but you were both a little scared so you took the plunge first, leaning forward to attach your lips to his for the sweetest most innocent kiss you’d ever shared with anyone. Lips barely touching at first as you both smiled but you felt everything you needed to, just like you always did around him.

‘I’ve been waiting for you to kiss me all night’ he whispered, causing you to laugh as you nestled into his neck and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling each other impossibly closer as your heart thumped from nerves.

‘I’ve been waiting for you to do it’ you chuckled, smiling onto his skin as you felt him rub his nose against your cheek in order to get you to look at him again so you looked up with a blush before he lent over to kiss you. He was more forceful with you this time but only just, pulling you in with one arm whilst the other snuck slightly lower to pinch your bum as you threaded your fingers through his hair. A soft hum of appreciation filtering through his lips as he gently kissed you.

‘Thank you for coming out with me tonight’ he told you, brushing some hair behind your ear as you felt your knees go weak.

‘Thank you for making our first official date McDonald’s’ you laughed as you placed a gentle kiss on his nose.

‘You do that a lot’ he laughed and you looked back at him confused.

‘Do what?’

‘Kiss my nose’

‘Oh, I didn’t realise’ you laughed, blushing and you hid your face from him.

‘Don’t hide. I like that you do it’

‘Really?’ You asked quietly looking back to him and his soft smile was melting you.

‘Of course. It’s very cute’ he told you before pressing a quick kiss to your nose. ‘It can be our thing’

‘I’d like that’ you laughed before pulling him back into a hug. You fit together so perfectly and you felt an overwhelming sense of calm take over as he held you in his arms, your head slightly tucked into his neck as he rested his lips on your temple. You were both silent, the only sounds you could hear were a few leaves rustling in the wind and the odd cricket or two and even though you were starting to get cold you were pretty certain there was no where else you’d rather be. ‘You know what this reminds me of?’

‘What’s that?’

‘Remember we went for that walk when we first met?’

‘Yeah, took me days to convince you to see me’ he laughed, pinching your sides gently as you nuzzled into his neck a little more.

‘Oh shush’ you laughed, rolling your eyes at the memory of trying to get Mason to leave you alone. ‘It feels like we’re at the end of our walk where we got look out again. Like we’re back to the start so we can restart’

‘I like that’ he told you softly, kissing along your jaw and you could sense the smile in your voice.

‘Me too’ you smiled, holding each other even tighter as another comfortable silence took over you.

‘You cold, baby?’ He asked you after a few moments of quiet and you smiled into his neck at the pet-name before shaking your head against him. ‘You are, I can feel you shivering. Come on, let get back in and I’ll crank the heat up yeah?’ He told you but you showed no sign of moving, too comfortable in his arms. In the end he stood up, moving forward and causing you to step back. Still holding on to him for dear life as he walked you to your door and even though you couldn’t see a thing and you were relying on him guiding you, you felt safer than you had in a while. ‘Come on, let’s get you in’ he laughed and you pulled back to give him a cheeky smile.

‘I want a kiss first’ you whispered and it didn’t take much for him to dip his head down and kiss you again, squeezing your sides gently as you got lost in each other for a few moments.

‘Come on you big baby’ he chuckled before opening your door and gently pushing you inside. He was slipping in next to you just after and it was only when he started blasting the heat you realised how cold you were. Without a word he reached over and took your hands in his, rubbing them together so he could get you warm quicker before bring them up to his lips to blow onto. Once he felt like you were sufficiently warm you watched him press kisses along your knuckles and you felt yourself melting at the gesture before he looked back up at you with sad eyes. ‘I guess I better get you home. It’s nearly one and you’re gonna be miserable tomorrow if you don’t go to sleep soon’

‘I’m not ready to go home’ You pouted, knowing that he was right but you weren’t happy about it.

‘How about we compromise and I take you the long way back?’

‘That could work’ you smiled and with a final kiss placed on your hand, you got plugged in and he set off.

He drove with his hand placed on your thigh now and you played with his fingers as you spoke about some upcoming plans.

‘So if you’re free, maybe I can take you out? Like on a proper date rather than for a big mac’ he laughed and you gave him a shy nod. ‘Perfect, I’ll sort something out for us’

You were home quicker than you’d of liked to of been and you huffed as he pulled up outside your building, resting your head on the shoulder of the seat so you could look at Mason and he did the same meaning you were only a few inches apart.

‘Thank you, Mase. I had a nice time’ you whispered and his whole face softened as he smiled.

‘So did I’ he told you before leaning over and kissing you lightly. ‘Come on I’ll walk you to your door’

You both traipsed up the stairs hand in hand and you had to lean against the door when he gave you a kiss goodnight since your knees felt so weak which only got worse when he pulled back to smile at you.

‘Night gorgeous’ he whispered and you responded by kissing his nose which he reciprocated with a smile.

‘Night Mase’

‘You make sure you go straight to sleep, yeah?’

‘I will I promise’ you laughed as you finally pulled away from each other, unlocking your door and stepping inside. After a final kiss he made his way back downstairs and you watched from your window as he made his way to the car, peering up one last time to give you a wave before driving away.

[safety-frog]

Your Weekly Tunes: The Mother

And here we go folks: the last playlist to add to our collection! Everyone’s favorite Mom that we so wish there was more background/lore/information on! A lot of the songs here focus on her and Jeff, and have a bit more of a married-domestic vibe than anything else. Of course, there will still be songs of her and the wee boys!

YouTube

Spotify

See below for Lucy’s top five songs!

Forever and Always: Parachute- “She looks back to the window, suddenly the phone rings/ A voice says something's happened that she should come right now/ Her mind goes to December” and “She finishes the vows, but the beeps are getting too slow/ His voice is almost too low as he says/ I love you forever, forever and always/ Please, just remember even if I'm not there/ I'll always love you, forever and always”

Fair warning: bring the tissues for this one. A song for the moments between Lucy and Jeff in the final hour.

Run Away: Ben Platt- “ Some years went by, they had a child/ He was funny, strange, and mild/ Their love for him ran deep/ Some nights, his dreams would drive him wild/ So into bed, she piled/ To help him fall asleep” and “But I hope now you can see/ What my mom and dad showed me/ I'm not going anywhere”

A song that starts with the narrator telling the classic boy meets girl story which leads into marriage, and then a child, and pure love and fluff all around when you think of Lucy and Jeff (and baby Scott, of course).

Gaeta’s Lament: Bear McCreary (Alessandro Juliani)- “But wish no more/ My life you can take/ To have her please just one day wake” and “With my three wishes clutched in her hand/ The first that she be spared the pain/ That comes from a dark and laughing rain”

Listen... yes this song is from a nerdy source (*cough* Battlestar Galactica*) but the scene which this song is from is heartbreaking- especially combined with Juliani’s almost operatic vocals. Perhaps more from the POV of Jeff singing about Lucy, it certainly fits the “heartbreak is only so bitter because you were loved true” vibe coming from this playlist.

Mothership: AURORA- “The good ones always die/ So that is why we bring them here” and “You are home/ You are home”

This song doesn’t really have any lyrics beyond what’s above. BUT! It is a raw song with hummed vocals that truly make you feel as if something warm is welcoming you home from a tragedy suffered.

Green Grass: Cosmo Sheldrake- “Lay your head where my heart used to be/ Hold the earth above me/ Lay down on the green grass/ Remember when you loved me” and “ Come closer don't be shy/ Stand beneath a rainy sky”

This song is also on Jeff’s playlist, but by the original singer Tom Waits. Unlike Waits’ version, Cosmo Sheldrake sings this in the middle of a nature park to the point you can hear the wind and birds chirping within the entire recording. There’s something about them both sharing a song that is the singer singing to their loved one from the grave that really pulls at the heartstrings. Jeff’s version is gritty, darker. Lucy’s is like a mother singing one final song to her children.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

It’s hard to believe nowadays, but there was a time where the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp duo was known for delivering nothing but certified bangers. Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Sleepy Hollow… It was just hit after hit when these two joined forces. But in the mid 2000s, something shifted. It suddenly seemed like people were sick of Burton, sick of Depp, and most of all sick of them working together. Sure, Corpse Bride and Sweeney Todd were still well-liked, but once Alice in Wonderland hit theaters people weren’t shy about voicing their dislike of the director and especially the actor. Burton kind of skidded to a halt for a while, while Depp just kept making increasingly worse movies with Disney and generally not doing anything worthwhile after Rango, and while Alice was the breaking point, the cracks started to show in 2005 with a little film called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

An attempt to redo Roald Dahl’s novel about a precocious child touring the candy factory of a wacky candymaker was being planned for a long time, with even Nicolas Cage in talks at one point to be Wonka, and at another point good ol’ Martin Scorcese was attached to direct. But things just kept falling through until Burton got dragged in, and from there he proceeded to get things done and talk the studio out of stupid decisions like killing off Charlie’s dad and making Wonka a parental figure. Ah, but speaking of Wonka, that crucial role needed filling, and it seemed a lot of famous actors were considered for the role by the studio—Robin Williams, Patrick Stewart, Michael Keaton, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Christopher Walken, Brad Pitt, Leslie Nielsen, Robert De Niro, Will Smith, Mike Meyers, Ben Stiller, pretty much every living member of Monty Python left at the time, Adam Sandler, and Marilyn Manson among them according to TVTropes—and Burton had an interesting idea for his second pick to play the guy:

But instead he went for his first pick, someone who’s actually very similar to Marilyn Manson in a lot of ways! Good ol’ reliable JD himself! Surely this was gonna bring in the big bucks! And... it did! It's the highest-grossing adaptation of one of Dahl's works ever, and Burton's second highest-grossing film!

Critics seemed mostly fine with it, but audiences were a lot more divided. Some people liked that it was a new and different take on the story that stayed a lot more true to the book than the beloved 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (a movie that Dahl famously hated as much as he did Jewish people, so frankly who gives a shit about his opinion), while others clung to the nostalgia of the Gene Wilder Wonka and treated this new film like a war crime. How dare they remake their favorite movie, even though this isn't a remake, it's just a different adaptation of the same book!

So yes, this movie isn’t the most reviled film out there, but it definitely is incredibly divisive, and what’s more I distinctly recall even as a child being aware of the attitude towards Depp and Burton shifting towards the more negative when this film came out. So I figured it was a high time I see about revisiting it and find out if this second cinematic outing into Wonka’s factory was really that bad, or if it genuinely was a work of impure imagination.

THE GOOD

It may surprise you to hear that this film actually does a few things better than the 1971 film. This is especially evident in the four shitty children touring the factory with Charlie.

The ones from Willy Wonka were, to put it bluntly, dull and forgettable, and came off as far too sympathetic in regards to their fate because none of them aside from Veruca Salt showcased any terrible traits that would lead to them deserving their punishments. In this film, all these kids are assholes, so watching them fall prey to the karmic justice of Wonka's factory is all the more satisfying. We also get to see what happens to them after they get out, which is kind of funny. I’m not gonna pretend that they made them the deepest and most complex characters ever, but with how they updated them and with the young actors they got to portray them, they managed to inject a bit more life into them than you’d expect.

This movie also fixes Grandpa Joe, who is pretty infamous to fans of the '71 film as a total asshole who constantly encourages Charlie to steal and just in general seems like a massive burden to his family. Here, he actually is every bit the sweet old grandpa that you’d expect, and his motivations for wanting to go on the tour are a lot nicer and more sympathetic. He also never tries to push Charlie into a life of crime, which is nice.

Of course, the very best aspect of this movie is Deep motherfucking Roy. He’s the second best dwarf actor out there, only oovershadowed by Warwick “Leprechaun” Davis, and much like Davis was in Star Wars as the ultimate Glup Shitto—Droopy McCool.

And in this film he gets the incredible honor of being every single fucking Oompa-Loompa there is, and he is clearly having a blast and busting his ass. He had no prior dancing experience, but you could not tell with how he’s pulling off all these sick moves while spitting out diss tracks for children like he’s Blood on the Dance Floor. He really is the single best actor in the movie, and that’s not to slander anyone else—Roy is just that good. Like we have a scene-stealing minor role for Christopher Lee as Wonka’s dad, a crabby dentist who hates candy, and as amazing as he is Roy still is better. You better respect this man.

Speaking of men to respect: Danny Elfman. Taking lyrics straight from the book and weaving a unique style for each kid—Big Bollywood spectacle for Augustus (that was Roy’s idea), 70s funk for Violet, psychedelic rock for Veruca, and hard rock for Mike—the songs are all genuinely great and fun to listen to. I’d never go as far as to say they’re more iconic than the Oompa-Loompa tracks from the ‘71 film, but I think they function better as songs, and the fact each of them has their own distinct style to set them apart from each other was the right way to go. I do think Mike’s song is the weakest of the bunch, feeling a lot messier than the other three, but it’s not unbearably awful or anything.

THE BAD

The biggest issue with the film is that the two most important characters—Charlie and Wonka—fucking suck.

Let’s start with Charlie. Now, to be clear, I’m not putting any blame on Freddie Highmore—he was literally a child, and even then I think he’s doing his damndest to make Charlie cute and whimsical. The issue here is definitely on the writers, who saw fit to stuff him full of all the syrupy sweet Tiny Tim-esque kind-hearted poor child cliches but forgot to impart a personality to go with them. Charlie is, to put it bluntly, a boring and generic nice guy, and one who ends up feeling like a living plot device to further Wonka’s character development, something that feels especially egregious when his name is literally in the title.

And now let’s talk about Wonka. Boy, is there a lot to unpack with this guy.

Literally everything about this take on Wonka is incredibly awkward and off-putting. The most infamous aspect of him is definitely the look; with his pale skin and dorky haircut he looked a lot like Michael Jackson, who at the time the film came out was going through a very serious scandal where he was accused of doing awful things to children in his big rich guy mansion… which is essentially the plot of this film when you think about it.

But that’s just an unfortunate coincidence! It’s an ugly look, sure, but a good performance could make it palatable, and this was Johnny Depp during his big post-Jack Sparrow renaissance working together with the guy who helped put him on the map. Surely he wouldn’t deliver an incredibly awkward, cringey, and insufferable performance that dials up all his acting quirks to annoying levels, right?

Here’s the thing: On paper, Depp’s Wonka is honestly not that different than Wilder’s. They’re both weird, quirky, reclusive confectioners with a not-so-hidden disdain for the kids touring their factory and snarky, condescending attitudes. What it all comes down to is the presentation, and to show you what I mean I’m going to use the most batshit comparison you’ve ever seen:

Burton’s Wonka is very similar to Zack Snyder’s Ozymandias.

“Now hold on, Michael,” I hear you exclaiming in utter bewilderment, “how are these two comparable? I know that both are fine with the wonton murder of children if it helps achieve their goals and that a lot of people are weirdly horny for them, but how is this a good comparison?” Well luckily I’m not trying to compare a mass-murdering anti-villain to a quirky chocolatier in terms of character, but in how the adaptation drops the ball with how they’re presented by removing the more warm and positive aspects of them. In Alan Moore’s comic, Adrian Veidt is essentially a relentlessly charming gigachad, an affable and approachable fellow who seems beneath suspicion because he exudes a traditionally heroic warmth. In the movie, however, Snyder chose to portray Veidt as a cold, distant twink who doesn’t seem particularly approachable at all (another case of Daddy Zaddy tragically missing Moore’s point).

This same "missing the point" issue plagues Wonka. Yes, Wilder’s take is just as much a smug asshole reveling in the comeuppance the children are receiving, but he also has a genuine warmth to him which is codified perfectly with him singing “Pure Imagination.” Sure, he’s perfectly willing to traumatize everyone with a demented boat ride shortly after, but Wilder’s performance and the presentation of his Wonks help sell him as a quirky genius who is more likable than insufferable, and you really understand how despite being kind of a dick he is also a beloved figure.

Depp’s Wonka fails as the character in the same basic ways that the movie version of Veidt does: He's a condescending, cold, openly rude, guy who is just genuinely unpleasant to be around despite the movie really trying hard to make him likable and relatable, to the point where unlike Wilder's take it's hard to grasp why this guy gets any respect from anyone. He’s like the proto-Rick Sanchez, except he’s not even particularly funny to make up for it. Maybe this take is more accurate to the book, but if it is it’s really just proof that taking liberties when adapting really is for the best.

And this failure is only compounded by the movie piling on a tragic backstory for Wonka. Yes, Christopher Lee is great, but there is genuinely no need to pile on a traumatic childhood and weird daddy issues to Willy Wonka. The character works best as this weird, trickster mentor figure who dishes out karma to the naughty kids and ultimately rewards the good egg of the bunch. Trying to bring a guy with a magical factory full of dwarfs who do choreographed diss tracks every time a kid falls into the incinerator down to earth and make him relatable is just a mind-boggling decision.

These are really the only two issues with the film that stand out as excessively bad, but… you see the problem, right? The titular character and the owner of the titular chocolate factory are both bad. One’s a living prop, the other is just an obnoxious asshat who is given unneeded character development that ends up falling flat, and while this would be easy to ignore if they were side characters it’s impossible to let slide since they are the main fucking characters. The whole film revolves around the two very worst things in it, and no matter how good the other stuff in the movie is these elements alone drag it down a lot.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Look, I’m not going to pretend like this is a great film. If it really is closer to Dahl’s book, all it managed to do is convince me to never read it and solidified my belief that being pragmatic when adapting books to screen is the way to go. It’s also really easy to see how the Burton-Depp fatigue came about, as this is some of the weakest work in both of their filmographies.

But I still feel like there’s plenty to like here. The songs, the bratty kids, Deep motherfucking Roy, it’s all genuinely good shit! There was never a chance it was going to be iconic as the Wilder film, but it’s disingenuous to write it off entirely when it does a lot good things (and a few things better than the '71 version). A lot of people are nostalgic for this one these days, as it's the one this generation grew up with, and honestly? I can't really blame them entirely. It's a decent enough movie, and I honestly think that score it has up there is pretty fair. It's certainly a mixed bag but when it actually succeeds at being charming it does it in its own unique way rather than trying to ape the beloved classic that came before it, and I do respect it for that.

And hey, if Johnny Depp's worst and most annoying movie role is in a movie I'd still say is okay, that's a good thing right? He couldn't possibly ever take a role more cringeworthy and annoying than Wonka in a film that's genuinely shitty, right?

Right?

RIGHT?!

[tiajk]

Maze runner x reader

Thomas x fem! reader x newt x Minho

I will be making a male Version and gender neutral version of this I want people of other genders to enjoy this alswell

a/n: in this i made everyone bi sexual and your all in poly relationship they all don’t just love y/n and still consider each other as friends they all love each other in a intimate way

Our love has no bounds

Warnings: fluff, angst, crack, polyamorous, death, crack, jealousy, janson (ew)

so basically your all in the maze your the maze you don't remember anything it’s weird and you hate it (i mean who would like it)

Your one of the ones that come up in the beginning like for instance it’s only like 5 of you there that five being you newt Alby Winston and gally then the new greenie comes up it’s Minho since Alby was busy at the moment you gave him the tour the kid was barely taller than you (In this part your 5’2 but u can say you grow taller as the years because I’m making it 4 years instead of 3 that they were in the maze) and he was quiet , shy even but all that went away when you smiled at him and he smiled back “damn he has a cute eye smile” (EYE SMILES ARE MY WEAKNESSES ISTG)

You took him took kitchen at the moment you were all the cooks until someone came up and was the best cook

You ended the tour off by saying “all right greenie this is the last part of the tour if u need anything let me newt or Alby know okay?” “Mi…” you we’re confused he said something but u didn’t hear it “what” “my name it’s Minho” you smirked and out your hand out to him “well Minho nice to meet you”

So after that you and minho got closer along with newt tagging along and getting closer

As more and more greenies came up they realized one thing that they love you and they love each other

But you didn't want to admit it you just couldn’t having a crush on 2 boys was bad and you thought you were selfish because of it with you being a runner it was upsetting and you just wanted to focus on getting out of there

Okay i’m done building this character development

When thomas came you newt and minho were already in a relationship (like in my last maze runner idea thomas was there for 3 months instead of 3 days)

He was staring at newt hard asf like you all did to be honest look at him

Thomas had taken a liking to all of you when you ben and minho and run in the maze when he tried to go in he was staring at you and minho hardddd like when i say hard i mean hard and i'm not gonna lie you guys were too

Okay onto the relationship

cuddles IMMACULATE they’re all so warm

But everyone in the glade is accepting asf like were all family here

Sometimes yall be in the map room doing things…..

Chuck being your number #1 supporter

When thomas become a runner you and minho pranked him as a joke and he was mad but you guys made it up to him by cuddling him and giving him attention

There's a joke around the glade that newts the little housewife and it's funny as hell

Stargazing together like i could imagine one of you were having a bad day and they boys and you plans to go stargazing and its amazing

Newt kissing you minho and thomas goodbye as you go into the maze for the day

Winston being your best friend along with gally,ben,ably and chuck

You two gossiping him about your relationships (i lowkey cannon ben x winston dont judge me they deserve more love)

When chuck died you sobbed out loudly he was like a brother to you no one or anything could replace that from you that piece of your heart was gone and you could never forgot it

When you guys break out of the maze all of you being protective asf towards each other

While going into the wicked facility you guys holding each others hand and giving each other looks as a way of staying “be careful and stay safe”

So while they didn’t take you with teresa they didn’t really want to for some reason you were thankful and it made you happy you could be with your boys and your friends finally being safe or what you thought was safe

Even after you guys escaped you were all still holding on to each other scared you were going to lose each other and you couldn’t have that not when you lost so many already

[benoftheweekk]

Ben De Almeida: *turns on the screen* “Heyyyy mamas! Welcome back to THE DRAMA MAMA PODCAST! I’m here with my…”

Jazzy Anne: “Girlfriend.”

Ben De Almeida: “WHAT?!”

Jazzy Anne: *laughs* “Yeahhh a ‘girl’ that’s a ‘friend’, bozo.”

Ben De Almeida: *deadpan* "Dude, are you fucking kidding me?" He leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his loose messy curls, the corners of his mouth quirking up slightly. "This is what I deal with on a daily basis.”

Jazzy Anne: "What? A little bit of reality thrown into the mix?" She winked playfully. "So, you wanna get started with these Qs or do you need a moment to recover from the shock of me being a 'girl'?"

Ben De Almeida: "Oh, I'm fine. Just keeping the drama meter at a steady 100." He glanced over at Jazzy, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "But yeah, let's kick this off. First question: How tall are we?"

Jazzy Anne: “Dude, I’ll answer for Ben, he’s 4’2.”

Ben De Almeida: *rolls his eyes* "Very funny, Jazzy. But seriously, folks, I'm 6 feet of pure comedy genius. Jazzy’s like 2’3”

Jazzy Anne: She giggled, her dark curly hair bobbing around her shoulders as she leaned closer to the camera. "Okay, okay, let's keep it real. I'm actually 5'4" which is the perfect height to kick Ben's ass”

Ben De Almeida: “I’m pretty sure you’re like 5’1-“

Jazzy Anne: Her laughter was infectious as she swiftly raised a hand to cover Ben’s mouth, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “ANYWAYS!” she exclaimed, cutting him off mid-sentence. The touch was gentle, almost tender, but the message was clear: she was ready to pivot to the next question with the kind of glee that comes from knowing you’re about to stir the pot. “This one’s for you, Mr. De Almeida. It says: ‘Why the flip is Ben so fine? 🔥” “The fuck- that is SO not true.”

Ben De Almeida: *swats her hand away playfully* "Alright, alright, keep it PG-13, Jazzy. Geez." He pretended to be offended, his cheeks flushing slightly, the blush standing out against his fair skin. "But if we're going there, I guess I can't complain." He leaned closer to the camera, adopting a serious tone. "It's all about the genetics, baby. And a strict diet of crazy." His goofy smile returned as he winked at the audience, clearly enjoying the playful banter.

Jazzy Anne: "You guys should be asking me that, not this dude.”

Ben De Almeida: “Oh really? And why’s that?” He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest, a smug look playing on his face.

Jazzy Anne: “Shut up- never mind.”

Ben De Almeida: Ben couldn't help but chuckle at Jazzy's attempt to redirect the compliment. He knew she had a fiery personality and wasn't one to shy away from a good roast, but there was something endearing about her feigned humility that always got to him. He leaned back in his chair, the leather creaking under his weight, and folded his arms across his chest, watching her with a playful smile. "Alright, Jazzy," he said, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Let's hear it. Why are you so fine?"

Jazzy Anne: “Cause I am. Shit that sounded cringe.”

Ben De Almeida: *laughs* "No, no, it's not cringe. It's just... you're adorable when you try to be modest."

Jazzy Anne: *slightly blushes* “quit flirting, there are children watching.”

Ben De Almeida: *laughs* “ok ok. Next question says: Are we dating?”

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy’s cheeks grew a shade darker, the blush spreading like wildfire across her fair skin. She rolled her eyes, but the playful smile remained. "Well… yes, in fact we’re thinking of getting engaged and having 6 kids.”

Ben De Almeida: "Hold up," Ben said, his smile widening into a full-on grin. "Six? That's a lot of little De Almeida's running around." He leaned in closer to the camera, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Jazzy Anne: “No stupid, I’m just faking that dating shit cause I like seeing these kids get their hopes up.” *smirks*

Ben De Almeida: Ben couldn't help but laugh out loud at Jazzy's antics. She had a way of saying things that made even the most absurd situations seem plausible. He leaned in, his eyes dancing with amusement. "You know what they say, Jazzy," he began, "fake it till you make it." His tone was teasing, but there was a hint of something more beneath the surface, something that suggested maybe he wouldn't mind if their friendship turned into something more. He glanced at the next question, his grin never fading. "Alright, next one. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?"

Jazzy Anne: “Ohhh! I actually know! The first time me and Ben met, I thought he was kinda cute but know I realized that he’s only thinks he’s cute.”

Ben De Almeida: “Hey! now, that's low blow, Jazzy. Besides, I've seen your awkward fan encounters”

Jazzy Anne: *giggles* “I’m kidding, you’re… wellllll cute but not in a weird way but like cute and not cute at the same time but also… I guess cute? B-but not cute in that way!”

Ben De Almeida: Ben couldn't help but laugh at Jazzy's attempt to backpedal. Her cheeks had turned a lovely shade of pink, and he couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through his chest. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving hers. "Wow, thanks for the clarification, Jazzy," he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "But, for real, let's talk about that first meeting. You practically tripped over your own feet when you saw me." He paused, the memory playing out in his mind. "I thought you were going to faceplant right into the floor."

Jazzy Anne: "That's not true!" Jazzy protested, her voice rising an octave. "You're just making that up to make me look bad." She pretended to be offended, her chocolate eyes glaring at Ben, but the smile playing at her lips gave her away. She couldn't help but think back to that fateful encounter, her heart racing as she had tried to play it cool.

Ben De Almeida: "Oh, come on, you know I've got it on video. You can't deny the evidence." Ben chuckled, his eyes gleaming with mischief. He leaned back in his chair, his hand hovering over the laptop keyboard. "Should I pull it up for everyone to see?" The tease in his voice was palpable, and he couldn't resist the urge to poke fun at Jazzy's expense.

Jazzy Anne: *jumps on him* “NO! STOP!”

Ben De Almeida: *laughs, caught off guard* "Okay, okay, I'll spare you the embarrassment this time," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. As Jazzy settled back into her chair, he couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement from her playful assault. It was moments like these that made their friendship feel like something more. He cleared his throat and moved on to the next question. "Alright, let's keep it moving. Who's your celebrity crush?"

Jazzy Anne: “Me.”

Ben De Almeida: “Very original, Jazzy. But if you had to pick someone else, who would it be?”

Jazzy Anne: “OHHHH! IT’D HAVE to be this one guy I saw on YouTube, his name’s Benoftheweek, I think.”

Ben De Almeida: *rolls his eyes dramatically* "Well, isn't that just the most convenient crush you've ever had?"

Jazzy Anne: *smirk* “why’s that?”

Ben De Almeida: Ben couldn't help the chuckle that bubbled up from his chest. He knew Jazzy was full of surprises, and her unabashed flirting was one of the many things he enjoyed about their dynamic. He leaned back in his chair, his gaze lingering on her playful smirk. "Because he sounds like a real catch," he said, his voice laced with sarcasm. "I mean, he's obviously got great taste in podcasts, so he must be a real keeper." He winked at her, his heart racing just a little bit faster. There was something about the way she could make him feel like the only person in the room that he found utterly captivating. "But seriously, if you're going to crush on someone, at least pick someone who doesn't live in our comment section."

Jazzy Anne: “Honestly…. I don’t think I actually have one.”

Ben De Almeida: Ben's eyebrows shot up, his eyes widening with surprise. "Really?" he said, leaning closer to the camera. "No celebrity crush at all?" He paused, his gaze lingering on Jazzy, watching for any sign that she was joking. Her expression remained steadfast, and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. He'd been so sure she'd say something ridiculous, something that would keep the banter going. But instead, she was being... serious? He cleared his throat, trying to shake off the sudden shift in mood. "Well, that's refreshing, I guess." He leaned back in his chair, his mind racing to think of how to keep the energy up. “Mine’s this one hot chick who’s a Youtuber and she’s got this handsome friend called Benjamin De Almeida.”

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy rolled her eyes, her cheeks still flushed from their earlier exchange. "You're so full of it," she said, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. "Isn’t it Zendaya? You have like a life size cut out.”

Ben De Almeida: Ben's eyes widened in feigned horror. "What? No way!" He leaned closer to the camera, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Jazzy's trying to blow my cover!" He paused for dramatic effect before his grin spread wide again. "But in all seriousness, I think we should focus on the real crushes here." He nodded towards the camera, winking. "Our lovely audience."

Jazzy Anne: “Next question is… Oh come on!” *sigh* “Have you guys kissed?”

Ben De Almeida: *laughs* “Well…”

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy's eyes lit up with mischief as she leaned into the microphone, her voice dropping to a whisper that was barely audible over the sound of her own laughter. "What?”

Ben De Almeida: “Remember when we kissed?” *snickering*

Jazzy Anne: “WHAT?! WE KISSED?!”

Ben De Almeida: “Yeah!” *bursts out laughing*

Jazzy Anne: *swats at him* “You’re such an idiot, Ben!” Her cheeks burned with a mix of embarrassment and amusement. “When?!”

Ben De Almeida: “At-At the Disney after party.” *laughing*

Jazzy Anne: “Oh my god.” *laughs* “Wait that makes sense! Yeahhh.”

Ben De Almeida: “Yeah it was like a peck, you were walking around and going like: hEy cAn i hAvE a fUcKiNg KiSss??” *laughing* “i can’t say it without laughing, I think you were like drunk.”

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy Anne's eyes widened, her laughter turning into a playful gasp as she slapped Ben's arm lightly. "You're terrible!" she exclaimed, trying to keep her composure. The memory of that night at the Disney after party came flooding back, the neon lights. She leaned back in her chair, her eyes never leaving Ben's. "Okay, okay," she said, her voice still tinged with laughter. "Maybe I was feeling a little... frisky that night." She bit her lip, the mischief in her gaze growing stronger. "But, if I remember correctly, you didn't exactly push me away."

Ben De Almeida: Ben De Almeida couldn't help but laugh harder at the recollection, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he watched Jazzy's playful reaction. The memory was hazy, admittedly, but he had a pretty good idea of what had transpired that night. The energy between them had been palpable, a dance of flirty glances and accidental touches that had culminated in that one, slightly awkward but undeniably real kiss. He rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks reddening. "Well, when a girl like you comes at me with that kind of enthusiasm, what's a guy to do?" He leaned closer to the microphone, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Besides, I might have had a little bit of liquid courage myself." He winked, the tension in the room thickening just a touch as their eyes met. The air was charged with something more than just friendship, and Ben couldn't ignore the way his heart was racing. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, focusing on the screen. "Alright, let's get back to it before we get too distracted." He scanned the next question with a grin. "What's the weirdest thing a fan has ever asked you?"

Jazzy Anne: “No kidding, a fan has legit asked me to adopt them and that was some of the weirdest shit I’ve seen.”

Ben De Almeida: Ben's laughter echoed through the room as he slapped the table, his eyes watering. "Adopt them?!" he exclaimed. "What did you say?"

Jazzy Anne: “I didn’t even know what to say so I left them on read.”

Ben De Almeida: *laughing* "You can't just leave a kid hanging like that, Jazzy!"

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy Anne couldn't help but laugh along with Ben, the absurdity of the situation, “Could you imagine me as a mom? It’s gonna start world war 3.”

Ben De Almeida: Ben's laughter subsided, and he wiped the tears from his eyes. "Yeah," he said, his voice still shaking with amusement. "You'd probably forget to feed them or something." His eyes glanced over the next question on the screen, and his expression grew thoughtful. 

Jazzy Anne: “Why does this question say: Hey Ben, big fan but you’re acting kinda sus, in this one video you made called Omegle but in real life, at minute 4:43 when that guy asked have you ever looked at a female with lust in your heart? You  said yes and looked at Jazzy Anne with a creepy ass grin. Luv your videos.”

Ben De Almeida: Ben De Almeida's eyes widened as he stared at the screen, his cheeks growing redder by the second. "Oh, that one," he murmured, his voice barely audible over the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest. “Shit, why are these guys always pointing out this stuff?” He looked over at Jazzy, his eyes darting back and forth as if trying to gauge her reaction. "Okay, so, that was totally taken out of context."

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy's laughter subsided into a knowing smile as she leaned back in her chair, her dark curly hair framing her flushed face. She crossed her arms, tapping her foot against the floor with anticipation. "Tell me more," she said, her voice dripping with mock innocence. "I'm all ears."

Ben De Almeida: "Okay, okay," Ben began, his own smile growing a bit more nervous. "So, it was just a bit for the video, you know? I was in character." He paused, trying to read the room, his eyes darting to Jazzy's reaction. "It's not like I actually... you know..." His voice trailed off as he realized he was digging himself deeper. “I should just shut up right now, I ain’t getting cancelled today.”

Jazzy Anne: Jazzy Anne’s eyes sparkled with amusement as she watched Ben squirm. She knew he was just trying to keep the podcast entertaining, but she couldn’t resist poking fun at his discomfort. "Oh, so it's just a character," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She leaned in closer to him, her coarse dark curls brushing against his arm. "So, what does that say about your true feelings, Mr. De Almeida?" Her eyes searched his, looking for any sign of actual discomfort, but all she found was his usual playfulness. She leaned back, her own smile never wavering. "I'll take that as a compliment, though."

Ben De Almeida: Ben De Almeida felt a warmth spread through his cheeks as Jazzy's eyes locked onto his. He knew she was just playing along, but the way she said it made his heart skip a beat. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "Well, if you want the truth," he began, his voice a little shaky, "I think you're pretty amazing." He paused, watching her reaction closely. "But you already know that," he added with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. He picked up his phone, pretending to scroll through his social media. "Next question. Why is Jazzy Anne so sus?”

Jazzy Anne: “BRO! WHAT DID I DO?!”

Ben De Almeida: *chuckles* “I can answer this, the first time we both met, Jazzy actually had this big fat crush on me and she used to keep stalking me and DMing me.”

Jazzy Anne: “That is a lie! You’re just trying to make yourself seem cooler than you actually are!” She laughs, her cheeks rosy with the playful banter.

Ben De Almeida: “Ohh? So you think I am cool?”

Jazzy Anne: “Well, not anymore, Mr. I-have-a-stalker. You’ve lost all your cool points.”

Ben De Almeida: “Shit… ok guys! That’s gonna be the end of this podcast episode! Now I’m gonna take Jazzy on a date!“

Jazzy Anne: “Wait wha-“

Ben De Almeida: “BYE!”

OH MY GOD THIS IS HISTORIC

[winderlylandchime]

I have a question for you that might be a bit too much but I was watching QAF and started asking myself the same thing and I remember that I really liked reading your Brian Kinney post or something similar that was very interesting so I figured I’d ask you too. What are your favorite and least favorite things about the characters from QAF? Not just Britin but like all of them. Because all of them are perfect in their own way but also flawed so I was wondering what someone else might pick :)

Hello dear sweet anon!

Thank you for this ask, I love these types of questions (as everyone now knows, lol).

As you said, and I think it’s worth repeating, these characters all have good qualities and bad qualities and that is so real. None of us is perfect and all of us have bad qualities. I think that is what made this show so compelling (and why we’re all still so obsessed 20 years later). These characters were real (even if the situations they were in - take down a corrupt politician?! - were sometimes not the most realistic) and we could relate to all of them in some way.

The Characters of Queer as Folk…

Michael Novotny

Good - he is clearly a person who cares a lot about the people he loves - his mother, his friends, his uncle, his partner. He is a fandom guy. Here we all are talking about a show that was on the air 20 years ago, and this guy is obsessed with Captain Astro and other superheroes. He is one of us.

Bad - he has an idea of who people are that is very fixed and therefore when he wants the best for the people he loves, it is sometimes not based in who they are as a person in the here and now. Brian doesn’t do love or boyfriends, therefore he can never do love or boyfriends. This is very relatable, so many of us have trouble updating our idea of who someone is over the course of a long term relationship (platonic or romantic). He tends towards very codependent relationships. Also, go back and watch the beginning of his relationship with Ben. I’m not talking about breaking up early in their relationship about his serostatus, I’m talking about after they reunite and Debbie disapproves and Michael makes all these (very good) points about dating Ben but he does it… in front of Ben. CRINGE. AWKWARD. I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO ME.

Ted Schmidt

Good - he is intelligent and kind, he has a biting sense of humor, he is loyal.

Bad - he has the world’s lowest self-confidence. Rather than just own his love of accounting and opera, he is ashamed of it. He has remarkable growth in this respect over the course of the series and I would argue he is the character that grows the most (and whose growth is not erased by the end of the series).

Emmett Honeycutt

Good - oh my god I love him so much. He is a femme queen and he lets his flame burn bright. He is kind and funny and can take a joke and dish it right back.

Bad - oof this one is hard because I do love him so much. I think he tends to want to shy away from the darkness and as a result when a loved one is going through a dark time (ahem Ted), he struggles to be able to help much beyond something surface level. His understanding of substance abuse disorders could be improved. Also, the party he plans for Ben’s birthday is full cringe racist.

Debbie Novotny

Good - she is fiercely protective and an ally to the gay boys of Liberty Avenue. She does not back down from a challenge. She has had to be strong as a young single mother and she did a good job with what she had to work with.

Bad - as a young single mother she and her son have a codependent relationship and this models that type of relationship for her son to develop with other people. Her protectiveness knows no loyalty, except to her son. Her “adoptive son” Brian gets the short end of the stick when his needs are in conflict with her son’s. Which makes sense, but then don’t pretend to be a mother to Brian. She thinks she knows better than people about what is good for them and what they need and this sometimes extends beyond advice giving (telling Brian to tell Justin he loves him after zucchini man) to taking action (as @kinnenvy rightly points out - telling Joan that Brian has cancer). Ma’am, you do not do that. Also, she uses the word fag (which I have no problem with queer people reclaiming but she is… not actually queer) and dates a cop, so she loses major ally points in my book.

Ben Bruckner

Good - he is very good looking. He is smart and driven. He brings an alternative perspective to the group. He honors who Michael is and allows him to let his fandom freak flag fly (we should all have partners and friends who do this, btw).

Bad - toxic positivity thy name is Ben Bruckner. Why does Ben have a flirtation with steroids? Because his “look on the bright side, glass half full, be positive” mentality does not allow for any negativity. And life has negativity in it. We need to acknowledge it and not push it away in order to deal with it. His understanding of Buddhism is incomplete and lacking (from my own study of Buddhism). Also, he is really freaking boring.

Melanie Marcus

Good - she is smart, she knows who she is as a Jewish dyke, and she is unapologetic. She is apparently a lawyer who specializes in everything from civil rights to custody to entrapment/indecent exposure (whatever Vic was charged with). She is able to change her mind (about getting married, etc.)

Bad - she cheats on her partner and then when her partner cheats on her she decides it’s different because biphobia. She is jealous of Brian and this warps her image of him. She is stubborn.

Lindsay Peterson

Good - she is kind and she loves fiercely. I like her relationship with Justin and the way she mentors him.

Bad - oof. I cannot scream enough about her decision to have Brian father Gus. First of all, her partner is jealous/doesn’t like him. I don’t know what type of long term relationships you’ve had, anon, but this is not how you treat your partner. Yes, she’s the one carrying the fetus but her partner should get veto power over the sperm donor (or father… more on that in a second). I cannot even imagine doing that to my spouse. We even had a brief moment of insanity where we contemplated having a kid so that isn’t something so difficult to imagine. Like, how do you do that? Then that brings me to her relationship with Brian. Maybe Lindsay is bisexual but can’t acknowledge because of biphobia (from the writers first and foremost, like I know biphobia was super acceptable in the early 2000s but c’mon, do better!), but having a crush on someone who will never love you back is something to work out in therapy. It’s not something to allow to go unchecked and wreck your relationship with your partner. Her crush, I would say, is worse than Michael’s because it’s almost like she doubts Brian when he says he is not interested in women. (Let’s reverse the situation and imagine a man constantly flirting with a lesbian and telling her how he imagined they would wind up together and how gross and boundary crossing that would seem.) Also, she has him in this box (Peter Pan) and again, refuses to acknowledge that he might grow and change. She gives him mixed messages - you need to grow and be a good partner to Justin but also this isn’t you and you need to remain you. Another mixed message? Oh you’ll just be the sperm donor, make a cameo appearance, etc. but then “You need to spend time with your son.” Obviously, people raise kids in all types of relationship configurations. But from my understanding, Brian was going to donate the sperm and Lindsay and Melanie would be the parents. So is he the sperm donor or is he the father? Both Brian and Melanie would like to know.

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

watching them to get ready and my god my❤️(him saying what a barb and “Penelope” “I am a woman”still gives me the kinda buzz and serotonin nothing ever could)told my co worker she only needs to watch this to be ready for polin szn since nothing more interesting happens otherwise expect the Edwina cute Ben scene!

I knew polin was that ship but I didn’t knew it was that good and Colin Bridgerton the man you are? you will always be so mf loved by me! The heart you have for eveyone always considered what you have been trough losing ur father, Marina breaking your heart yet been so forgiving and understanding and wanting more for her then just be content, being there for pen and her family because they have no male figure protecting them, him always seeing himself so low bc wdym “ if Penelope can see me that way maybe I can too”how dare you?You beautiful perfect man I love him so much

How can he not see himself as the best perfect boy he is? When Marina Pen eveyone in rom sees him as that? I know we won’t get this explored in s3 but I need him to explore this insecurity he has and why ofc we know why but we need to see it! the way he’s always so soft delicate whenever he speaks to people but even more so to people he cares for andk way more with pen how they talk about dreams and ambitions wanting more in life no one in the whole show has ever talked that much about their aspirations in whole 2 szn like they do I love them I love him guys y’all don’t understand how much!

the way he talks to pen like an equal in world where men are thought they aren’t it’s so insane to me how pen polin fans could ever want this man to beg or grovel when all he has ever done is show how much he cares and adores pen and values hee words and takes them to heart and all y’all can say about him is how dare he ignore her or flirt with others or he should grovel bc he didn’t see pen before are U kidding me I wish character literacy was thought to bton fandom bc he really is the only complex male character in the whole show actually  

besides George in whole universe actually they only have complex female characters obvi bc its written by woman but Colin being the only male character with layers upon layers he’s what they call an onion character the more you peel the more layers u get just brilliant character the fact he left saying he wanted to get to know himself better and he comes back with this cool guy attitude he’s always been charming but the shy funny type and now he’s giving this fake confidence and he literally tells pen you can learn because he himself thought himself that

Bc of all the pain and suffering he’s been through and him swearing off love making him this new but colder kinda type bc he’s closed himself off oh the writing of his character is just phenomenal for a show that has horrible inconsistent lazy bad writing with so much plotholes and with no understanding of their female relationship the sure put all their energy into making Colin this complex amazing character oh how I would di* just to see more of that in s4 since s3 is about C opening up his❤️for love but all the other stuff is just lying dormant in him for now waiting to burst out soon

Honestly if I went trough what Colin did and I loved somone who didn’t love me back and they broke my already chattered heart into more tiny pieces oh the kinda horrible as*whole I would’ve been sleeping and just looking down on people woman bc one broke my heart and yet hee not because he’s most like Edmund and he’s still to good for this world oh I’m actually gonna k1ll myself because I can’t handle this he’s to good my best boy! I actually would jump off my window if I didn’t have plans in 8 hours and again in a month! Ik just gonna cry about my love for him to I wake up tomorrow for polin season yup that’s it!

Are we sure Colin is a Bridgerton 😂 I’m joking because he’s to good to be one of them but then I remember his dad is amazing and his mom is the kindest most beautiful queen hyacinth is great Fran seems great Gregory Ben seems also great it’s really just the oldest daughter and oldest son And Eloise but she’s just more of annoying self centered bc of her bubble bra* with unchecked entitlement and privilege behavior bc of her other siblings being amazing and parents being world greatest parents whole family is with Daphne Anthony being exception so far!

[zot3-flopped]

The Rolling Stone article (I can read it without subscruption...):

Mitch Rowland could have been designed in a mad scientist’s laboratory as the prototypical soft-spoken guitar dude. He’s a shy rock geek from small-town Ohio who just won a Grammy for Album of the Year, for his work on Harry Styles’ global blockbuster Harry’s House. When he met Styles, he was washing dishes at an L.A. pizzeria, a complete unknown with zero professional experience. All he had was his guitar and his ideas. He didn’t even quit his pizza job until two weeks after he joined Harry, and he still ducks the spotlight in live shows. As Harry has playfully introduced him onstage, he’s “Mr. Mysterious!”

But Rowland might have to finally get used to people noticing him. On his gorgeous solo debut, Come June, released through Styles’ Erskine Records, he ignores pop trends and finds his own voice. It’s all introspective acoustic beauty, a deeply personal song cycle inspired by his hero, the British folk legend Bert Jansch. Rowland is still adjusting to the idea of stepping out on his own. As he admits, “I still feel like I’m walking off a building going onstage to play.”

Come June is full of hushed, gentle ballads, in the mode of Nick Drake or Elliott Smith. Songs like “When It All Falls Down” show off his trademark delicate melodies and breathy vocals. But it’s a real guitar album. “Bert [Jansch] was the dartboard,” he says. “I hit the paint on the wall, but that’s what I was aiming for.” The music has a homemade feel. “I wanted it to sound as wood-y as possible,” he says. “I hope we achieved even a quarter of the way [Neil Young’s] Harvest sounds when you put it on.”

If this talk sounds strange coming from the guy who co-wrote hits like “Watermelon Sugar” and “Golden,” that’s just a sign of the times. Rowland has a unique feel for walking the line between different music worlds, gliding back and forth between mega-pop flash and meditative folk. He and Harry have always made a funny duo — the most flamboyantly charismatic starman in the glam galaxy, next to the shy Midwest boy who’d rather let his guitar do the talking. Onstage, Rowland plays the Mick Ronson/Wendy Melvoin strong-and-silent sidekick to Harry’s Bowie/Prince. But he has his own mystique and his own following. When Styles played London in the summer of 2022, there was fan graffiti on the wall outside Abbey Road, with a drawing that depicted Rowland as George Harrison. It’s the highest compliment any guitar-weeper could ask.

As Harries already know, Rowland has always been brilliant at saying a lot with a quiet sound, as in ballads like “Matilda” or “From the Dining Table.” He co-wrote gems like “Sign of the Times,” “Canyon Moon,” and “Keep Driving,” and his psychedelic guitar freakout steals the show on “She.” He plucks the guitarlele on the fan favorite “To Be So Lonely,” a song that Harry called “the articulation of Mitch’s brain.” Styles sings back-up vocals on Come June, in “Here Comes the Comeback.” But he’s always been Rowland’s most shameless fan. “Super inspiring,” Harry once described him to Rolling Stone. “There’s a magic to Mitch, past him being so good. I feel like he represents a kind of magic to me.”

Come June is the album everyone hoped Rowland would make, except even better. He takes inspiration from contemporary indie-rock guitarists like José González and Jonathan Wilson — not to mention Ben Harper, who contributes lap steel and vocals to “All the Way Back.” Some people might think it’s a pop guy trying to cross over to an indie-rock folk sound, but it’s the other way around: These are his roots. He took an old-school approach to the album, thinking of touchstones like Nick Drake’s Pink Moon. “I wanted it to be under 30 minutes,” Rowland says. “I wanted a quick album, where it doesn’t take long to get into it. It ended up being 37.”

He cut Come June with producer Rob Schnapf, who made classics in the Nineties with Beck and Elliott Smith. The band is minimal — Schnapf, engineer Matt Schuessler on upright bass, drummer Sarah Jones. Rowland and Jones are both in Styles’ band, which is how they met, fell in love, and got married. They now have a toddler son. “If I couldn’t figure out a drum part, Sarah would come down,” Rowland says. “Our son came over one day. It was very cozy. We were always in a groove.”

Jones got to know Schnapf when she drummed on Kurt Vile’s latest album, (watch my moves). When she introduced her husband to the producer, it was a full-circle moment, since Vile was a pivotal influence on Rowland. “When I first played with Harry, I had this voice note on my phone, this slowish riff,” he says. “We sped it up in the end, but it sounded pretty Stones-y slowed down. I was trying to squeeze an idea out of Kurt Vile’s Wakin’ on a Pretty Daze.” The result was the Styles banger “Only Angel.”

Rowland and Jones’ toddler has grown up around Harry Styles shows, so he’s already witnessed plenty of fan hysteria. “We took him to the Green Man Festival in Wales, with all these folk acts, really chilled out, and he’s the only one screaming,” he says with a laugh. “He thinks that’s what you do. So he’ll probably be the only one screaming at my show.”

Growing up in Ohio, Rowland’s first musical love as a kid was his older brother’s drum kit. (He later played drums on “As It Was,” which spent 15 weeks at Number One.) He taught himself guitar, and moved to L.A. in 2013, where he had enough trouble just finding a pizzeria dish-washing gig. He and Harry were from very different worlds — Styles was a global superstar making his solo debut, looking to find his voice after breaking free from One Direction. Rowland had never even heard a One Direction song. But they had an instant chemistry, sharing a fresh, eccentric sensibility.

Their collaboration didn’t make any commercial sense, and people weren’t always shy about letting them know. Rowland grins as he recalls Swedish superproducer Max Martin coming into the studio to hear one of the tracks from 2019’s Fine Linetracks early on: “He gave a list of all the things that were wrong and needed to be changed.” They didn’t take his advice. The song was “Watermelon Sugar,” which became Styles’ first Number One hit as a solo act.

Rowland and Jones were indie rockers, blissfully ignorant about the pop scene. (They’re both obsessed with Guided By Voices.) Then they each met Harry ��� and suddenly found themselves playing arenas. It was a baptism of fire for both of them. But Jones was a road-seasoned veteran of U.K. bands like Hot Chip and New Young Pony Club, while Rowland had never toured at all. So he experienced some serious culture shock. The first time he ever played New York, it was the legendary Radio City Music Hall. “I went missing,” he admits. “I think I was feeling squirrelly, and I must’ve found an open bar on a different level of the venue, but I was late to getting dressed.” Five or 10 minutes before showtime, manager Jeffrey Azoff pulled him aside. “He said, ‘Do you want to meet Donald Fagen?’ I was like, ‘Fuck you, telling me that Donald Fagen is here! The marquee was scary enough.’”

Rowland calls his pop career “a nice accident,” but he’s authentically fluent in both these worlds by now. “I never wanted to win a Grammy,” he says. “I just never thought about that. How could that even possibly enter my brain?” When he gets star-struck, it’s usually meeting indie-rock heroes like Jonathan Wilson. “Going back to 2012,  when I heard Jonathan Wilson’s Gentle Spirit, I thought, wow, this is something else, and it’s happening now. That was my musical lifeline.” He notes that he met the great indie singer-songwriter Kevin Morby back at the pizza shop, when serving him a birthday pie. “I arranged the pepperoni,” he says proudly.

His first gig at a solo artist was opening for Harry at Dublin’s Slayne Castle — in front of 80,000 people. No pressure. “We were the first one on the bill,” he recalls. “It was us, Annie Mac, Inhaler, and Wet Leg. Like a festival day. So we went on first thinking, ‘They’ll be trickling in,’ but it was already full. That was freaky.” How did the gig feel to him? “I don’t know. I couldn’t look at anybody onstage or out there. I looked at the white dots on the side of the guitar neck until it was over.”

It’s a great rock & roll story — from slanging slices to conquering castles. But in typical understated style, he refuses to take any credit. “I’m only prepared to play a place like Slayne because of all the places Harry’s taken me, and then I’m only playing my music to anyone because of him,” he says. He also won’t accept credit for the meteoric Styles phenomenon, despite co-writing and playing on so many hits. He’s still the same dude who didn’t want to quit the pizzeria. (“I needed the check for the rent,” he says.)

“Harry could have picked any group of people when he decided he was going to go solo,” Rowland continues. “He was massive — he was larger than life. I still can’t believe he wanted to make music with someone who had zero credit to their name, when he could have done the opposite so easily, and everyone would’ve said yes. I’ll never quite get over that.”

But Harry’s gut instincts about Mitch turned out to be justified, to say the least. “He just had a feeling, which says a lot,” Rowland says. “I’ve learned a lot from Harry, but a lot of the most important stuff is to just trust the people around you, and let something be whatever it’s going to be.”

A few years ago, it might have seemed weird to cross over between pop and folk, as Rowland does on Come June. But it’s a sign that pop audiences have gotten more broad-minded. Whenever Styles sings the intensely emotional ballad “Matilda,” with Rowland on acoustic guitar, you can hear a pin drop in the room, even in a stadium. The hush is poignant — nobody even sings along. “Well, everybody’s crying,” Rowland says. “I never play that song facing the crowd. One night I thought, ‘Why don’t I just try it one time facing the crowd?’ But it was too much. It was deep into the tour, and all of a sudden, I’m paying attention, and I almost stopped playing. I thought, ‘God, this is what we’ve been playing every night?’”

He’s hitting the road next spring with the same tight-knit group that made the album. “Sarah’s on drums, Matt’s on bass, and Rob on guitar,” he says. “Everyone who did their bit on the record has said yes to playing live, which is ideal for me. It makes it feel more like a band. When we played Slayne Castle, Rob told me, ‘The last show I played was in ’98 with Elliot Smith.’ So I thought, ‘That’s a nice trajectory.’”

But the toughest audience to impress? His young son. As Rowland says with a smile, “His new thing is putting his hand over the guitar neck when I’m trying to play. He says, ‘No, daddy. No ’tar. Play cars. Come.’ I’ll be in the middle of playing something, but it’s hard to argue with that.” 

Thank you for this! Absolutely lovely. Mitch comes across as so humble still. Really liked this description of Harry:

He and Harry have always made a funny duo — the most flamboyantly charismatic starman in the glam galaxy, next to the shy Midwest boy who’d rather let his guitar do the talking. 

[characterevaluationcuzwhynot]

Ross Geller and What Would've Made Him A Better Character

This post is more a note to myself in order to understand my own thoughts and I am in no way stating I’m correct or have the ‘right’ views.

I love Ross in friends don’t get me wrong I thought he was funny and I enjoyed him a lot whenever he was on screen. This is also not in any ways hate on David schwimmer his portrayal of the character was phenomenal however I do have some grievances with the writing of Ross’s character as a whole.

Ross whilst a great character has always felt a bit lackluster to me, a little less authentic than the rest of the friends. It took a while but I realised the reason I didn’t enjoy him as much as the other characters and truly empathise with him was down to three main factors: 

Love 

Backstory 

Jealousy (MARK)

Love: I really do like ross and rachel as much hate as ross and their relationship gets I feel them as endgame was the correct choice, I just don’t like how the writers went about portraying their story on a whole. I also don’t like the way ANY of Ross’s other relationships were portrayed either. I found that most of the time we saw Ross or had a Ross centered episode/moment that wasn’t funny it almost always had to do with his current romantic relationships and it bugged me.

I felt that it was almost lazy writing and we never really got many substantial moments with Ross’s character and didn’t get much growth with him on a whole. I also found most of his relationships aside from romantic love needed a lot more nuance which I will now list some of (ROMANTIC INCLUDED):

Carol - I wish she had more screen time personally even if a new actor was necessary as I think she should’ve played a lot more vital of a role in Ross’s story. In season 1 I wish that instead of shying away from her character and constantly making lesbian jokes we got to see more of her as an honest and kind hearted woman who truly didn’t want to hurt ross but couldn’t hide how she felt anymore. I wish we could’ve seen as Ross grew to understand and accept Carol as well as Susan.

Rachel - A lot of rachel and ross will be in the last section so bare with me. I for starters think the writers had their relationship flipped in the way they made it progress, I would’ve preferred a slowburn to start with instead of to end with. I think a lot of stuff that happened in their relationship to hurt it was Ross’s fault and it upsets me that the writers never capitalised on this and helped Ross grow and instead focused more on Rachel whilst Ross fond another partner a few episodes later.

Pheobe - I think he should’ve had a lot more solo time with phoebe in ways that didn’t involve her helping him with his romance. Pheobe challenges Ross in every single way right down to his beliefs and I feel she could’ve played a vital role in his growth.

Ben - Even if again a new actor was needed I feel Ben should’ve been a major part of Ross’s storyline, Ben was a character that could’ve helped Ross deepen his understanding of his own emotions by simply existing and learning to be a human. I feel if Ross and Ben had been focused on we could’ve got to see a completely new Ross as the innocent questions of his child about life could’ve had him reflect on his own and make changes to stop some of his worst habits.

Backstory: This one probably won’t make sense to other people but oh well. I think we should’ve spent more time on Ross’s backstory and his relationship with his mother. Whilst Monica definitley needed that focus I wish we had more nuance to Ross’s relationship with his parents, I feel a lot was left unanswered their. Is Ross guilty about Monica? Does Ross feel overwhelmed by his mother? Does Ross struggle with being the centre of attention? Does he feel pressure to be perfect? Is he constantly keeping an act with them to be their golden child?

So many questions that I don’t know the answer to. Ross’s backstory just feels shallow in comparison to the others, the writers made Ross out to be spoiled and gave off the impression he liked that Monica was in his shadow. It all just felt way too boney there was no fleshing out of the backstory whatsoever.

Jealousy: This is by far the biggest gripe I have with Ross’s character is his unwavering Jealousy, the first time it was present in a very bad way was with Mark in my opinion, the way he acted was completely unreasonable and I hate that the writers made it so his actions were founded cuz ‘ah see he does like her’ it completely ruined the experience for me. Ross being a jealous character is okay, characters need flaws especially at the start of shows. My issue is that this flaw of his in particular was never expanded on, he simply just was jealous It was this that ruined the ending of the show for me when Ross and Rachel got together because he was still a jealous person that hadn’t changed and it annoyed me, a lot of Ross and Rachel’s problems stemmed from jealousy especially on Ross’s side and I feel we should’ve been given growth with that.

It could’ve happened progressively with the ten billion relationships he had in the show. It could’ve happened with monica in order to flesh out their sibling bond even more, hell it could’ve even happened with his son or daughter and how parenthood effected his ways and made him feel the need to grow up a bit.

It annoys me because I feel the character would’ve been ten times better if we got to see him work through his Jealousy as the show went on, their would’ve been set backs and it would’ve been gradual but I would’ve loved it.

Overall I think Ross is an unfinished character who would’ve been so much more reccepted by the audience with changes made in these categories.

[tortoisebore]

OKAY SO

A for want of a nail; if Sirius tried to/started to have a relationship with Ben before meeting remus???

specific and unusual asks game!!!

oh god fjfjfjfhff can you imagine 😭😭😭😭

i very much think that sirius would have always had those feelings of “…….nothing is happening here….” with ben, even if he had tried to make it work. i also think he only would have tried to make it work if he felt pressure from himself or outside places to be in a relationship. like maybe james or lily are casually asking to set him up over the years so he feels like it’s not acceptable to be single anymore, or maybe he just started to feel overwhelmingly lonely and insufficient because all his closest friends were in relationships. so he’d be like “eh, this one’s fine” when ben asks him out and trudges through boring dates because at least he’s not alone anymore

but

sirius was always going to need the kind of love that cracked him open and tore him apart and put him back together, and he was never going to get that with ben. and i think on some level he would know that from the start

so maybe he’s going about his life and he’s been with ben for a minute and they’ve made it as “official” as sirius is willing to go considering they still really barely know each other, even after a couple of months. sirius isn’t going to give his secrets up willingly and ben doesn’t know to ask, so they’re in this weird, surface-level “relationship” that mostly involves sitting next to each other at group outings and ben sending good morning and goodnight texts every day at 7am and 11pm, respectively

OOOO and maybe ben would be there at the game lily invites them to (!!!). and ben is doing his usual chatter and sirius is only kind of listening and then lily points out her friend on the team and sirius goes “😳🫢😮👁️👁️ hello!;?;??” bc hang on lily’s friend is taaaallll and cuuuuute and a little shy and sirius’ stomach drops when remus looks up at him from the bench in a way that it never has with ben.

he tries to shrug it off bc it seems a little unreasonable to call things off with ben just because he saw a cute guy at a basketball game once, but then they keep running into each other at the gym and at weekly drinks and oh noooo lily’s friend is also funny and nice and wicked smart and sirius is so obsessed with listening to him talk that he spends an entire night out on lily’s balcony asking him questions just so he can keep hearing his voice

it would start to come to a head when sirius realizes that remus knows him better than ben, cares about him more than ben even though they’ve only known each other for a month or so. he finds himself wanting to cancel plans with ben to spend more time with remus instead, so he decides that it’s probably time for a break up.

ben was probably a bit suspicious of how close sirius and remus got so fast, probably jealous in a very “ben” way that involved only touching sirius in public when remus was in the room. he’d be a little angry when sirius breaks up with him bc he pulls the whole “of course i’m not breaking up with you because of him, ben, it’s just not working” but then by graduation they’re fully in love and practically living together at remus’ place and planning an entire future around each other. but he’d get over it and move somewhere like LA or Austin and they’d never see or think of him again 🫶🫶

[wrightandco]

Are you really on big top right now (it's in your bio)? Everyone seems to hate it but I honestly think there are worse cases *within JFA*, even. What's your take?

I really am on big top! (I’ve played the series before it before but it 15 years ago so I am having a blast with my replay).

In all honesty, I think it’s the worst case I’ve played so far. It was always my least favourite case, even as a kid, even before seeing the hate it gets from the fandom. I’ve always had a personal bias against it because I’m not a big fan of the circus in the first place. The first time I went as a kid the acrobat got seriously injured so I don’t really enjoy them.

However, it’s the case we love to hate. There’s some great banter between Phoenix and Maya during the investigations. I love the dynamic of Maya having a blast at the circus and Phoenix being the responsible cynic. We see Phoenix in the depths of his scorned lover depression about edgeworth deadworth. We see our queen Franziska wrangling a band of circus freaks as her witnesses and a continuation of the one-sided rivalry she’s created between herself and Phoenix. It is still a fun case!

All the case specific characters are annoying. No exceptions. Something as simple as aging up Regina would have fixed a lot of the problems with the case. I do find Trilo strangely funny though, especially the comparison of Ben being so shy and then absolutely no chill who he’s got trilo back.

I genuinely am finding it worse than the other cases but a certain element of my complaining on my blog is exaggerated for comedic effect. It’s still ace attorney so I still love it! And honestly, the first court day of 2-2 was just as annoying. I found that part of the game hard to progress because the line of logic was so thin. I haven’t found that in bigtop so far.

I haven’t finished my playthrough yet so that’s all I really have to say. Sorry it took me so long to answer your ask! Tumblr doesn’t seem to notify me of new messages - but come off anon so we can be friends!!! I’d love to hear your thoughts too!