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deerbornintuitive · 2 years ago

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Pick a Pile: Love Letter from your Higher Self

Each pile contains 4-7 cards pulled, depending on the energies present around you. Center yourself and clear your mind, then look at the three images below. Which are you intuitively drawn to? Trust what you feel. When you’re ready, scroll down to find your love letter. I hope you enjoy!

Pile reveals below….

Pile A

Your cards: Strength, 6 of Wands, 2 of Cups, 2 of Swords rx, 4 of Cups, the Lovers

Dearest One,

I am so proud of you. Though things have been difficult, you still remain compassionate, and make efforts to be your best self. You are kind. You’re able to contain your emotions, and do not take out your difficult past on others. Your resiliency and courage is admirable. Yet, you don’t always think highly enough of yourself. You may not realize this, but there are people that look up to you for the person you are. Your wisdom is received, and you have fans! You are impactful with your messages. Even your voice only reaches a few people, you’re making a difference in their day and in the collective itself. Keep it up!

You know yourself well. You already know what you want and need, you’re aware of what will make you feel healthy and content. But at times, something holds you back from following through. Maybe its indecision of what to pursuit next, or worries and fears, imposter syndrome; or perhaps even a relationship with a loved one is holding you back in some way. (Make sure that you are considering your happiness above your partner’s if this is the case.)

When you’re held back from doing what will make you feel good or fulfilled, you’re not only missing out on chances for happiness, but you’re likely trapping yourself in stagnation and boredom (which can turn into even more negative emotions, like apathy or depression). You can improve the way you love yourself by following through on whatever its is that you need to do for yourself to feel good. Maybe this means something like going out for walks, drinking more water, or having an important conversation. Or, it could be something more drastic, like moving out of town, cutting someone out of your life, quitting a vice, or getting a new pet.

At this time, I’m helping you heal and open your heart chakra by sending you a massive wave of unconditional love. I'm promoting energies of trust and harmony in your life. This might not always be a positive experiences-- some things may need to change first, in order to improve, but it will ultimately be very good for you. I’m going to be facing you with opportunities to create true fulfillment. I will be sending you signs and messages to help you balance your emotions. You'll notice them through coincidences, and will also see/hear these signs when you're in nature. Please know that I'm always with you, sending you the support you need. Put your hands over your heart, and feel the love I have for you coming in.

Love always,

Your Higher Self

I hope you enjoyed your reading! If you'd like to book a more personal reading with me, you can browse my options here. If you'd like to support my work, you can do so here. Sending you light and love!

Pile B

Your cards: 3 of Cups, Ace of Wands, the Emperor, Page of Swords

Dearest One,

It's admirable the way you bring people together. You feel your best when you can share your energy with others. I love how you bring your unique and upbeat vibe to a group or gathering. You like to celebrate and have a good time, so you do your best to create a positive environment for those around you. You really do make the people in your life feel so special. If you're feeling lonely, please reach out to someone. Your traits of kindness and empathy will make it easy for you to make a new friend.

I see the way you struggle at times with your confidence. I'm so sorry that people and situations have caused you to lose sight of your personal power. Please know these no longer have power over you, though it may not yet feel this way. You are truly a force! Speak up, even if your voice shakes. Try to be direct about what it is you want or need, otherwise nobody knows what it is. People cannot read your mind, so do not assume that they're going to be as perceptive as you to your needs. I would love to see you give more of your energy to what makes you feel fulfilled, because this is your life to live. Care less about what others may think; they're not the ones in your shoes!

You’re creative, and your ideas are worth exploring and sharing. You may not see the value in them because you’re too close to them, so they too often get tossed aside or not take seriously. You’ve recently had a very good idea come to you, which is worth another look. Follow what excites and motivates you, don’t be so quick to toss it! I would love to see you collaborate more with people that inspire you. There will be a great opportunity coming for you to share your energy with a creative community. Go for it! You will be surrounded by people that make you happy.

At this time, I'm sending energy to your crown chakra and solar plexus chakra to spark your curiosity. What are you noticing that you’re interested in learning more about? Let go of any self imposed restrictions or limiting beliefs-- you're more than capable of doing whatever it is you want. This year is going to be a wonderful time for you to expand both your knowledge and perspective. I'm so excited to watch you continue to grow and bloom. Your light and beauty is magnificent, and you will become even more so with time!

Love always,

Your Higher Self

Pile C

Your cards: 7 of Pentacles, the World, 10 of Cups, 8 of Wands, King of Pentacles

Dearest One,

Look how far you've come! You’re better able to see the bigger picture these days. You’ve come to the end of another season of your life, and things may be feeling slower. Take time to celebrate the time gone by and lessons learned before starting anything new. Give yourself credit for all of your hard work up to now-- I'm so proud of you. You’re doing great! Savor this moment and feel complete as you are. Share your joy with someone you love.

When you have an interest or goal, you go all in. You have an admirable work ethic and are driven by your own interests to advance in your work & passions. You’ve found what you're good at, and will continue to improve. Even when there are obstacles or setbacks, you persevere. You’re aware of how any mistakes and challenges that arise have served to teach a lesson and help you grow. You should be proud of this quality of yours!

Sometimes self care and self love feels like a lot of effort-- it doesn’t have to. You work so hard, that you may not have much energy left for you at the end of the day. I know it's difficult for you to slow down. Find short little moments for quick self care during your busy day, instead of trying to fit it in at the end when you're tired. Pause to pay yourself a compliment, stop what you’re doing to focus on your breathing, stretch, repeat affirmations, or even look at a piece of art or a crystal that brings you peace and ground you. Don’t be afraid to go out of your ordinary and surprise yourself. There are times that you get in your own way, and you know just what I’m talking about. Take a chance at telling the voice of doubt or insecurity off. Cast it aside and give it less of your attention— this will make it lose any power it has. Feed it less of your energy, and feed that energy instead into those moments I've mentioned prior. Finally, please know that there are people in your life that want to lighten your burden for you, and it's okay to accept their help.

At this time, I’m helping you by sending energy to your root chakra, to stabilize you into the present and heal your physical body. Now would be a good time to a take a little break, whether you take a half day or a full day off to chill and reflect. You’re doing wonderful building upon a strong foundation with your eye for detail. Please know that there’s no rush, you’re going to get to where you want to go. I’m sending you signs of encouragement and guidance through dreams, moments of insight, symbols, animals, and numbers. I love you for who you are, and want to see you flourish!

Love always,

Your Higher Self

#pick a pile #pick a photo #pickapile #pick a picture #tarotreading #free tarot readings #free tarot #tarot #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #tarot readers of tumblr #psychic readings #intuitive #higher self #tarot online #spiritualadvisor #spiritualinspiration

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seakicker · 2 years ago

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Eheh I’m loving that you love dottore so much~ so lemme introduce you to some more of my fantasies about him:

Obviously, Dottore is a hugeee bastard (ofc ofc) so he’s gonna lie a lot to you (but only harmless white lies! He wouldn’t betray you after becoming so attached). You’re absolutely right about him making excuses for taking so much of your milk and it makes me giggle thinking about how his excuses would get wilder and wilder over time <3 But you only have so much patience! After a week of his shenanigans you just can’t take having those damn pumps attached to your breasts all the time now, your nipples are so sore from the indifferent machine working away for so long :(( After chucking the pump in Dottore’s lab and waddling back to your quarters, you’re filled with satisfaction for a moment. Massaging your tender boobs and rubbing your stomach, you sigh, content with your disobedience, until you hear the echoing clacks of Dottore’s shoes coming down the hallway. Your stomach drops down to the floor as you realize what you’ve done (you’ve disobeyed the most insane harbinger??) and your breaths turn shallow as you panic.

Dottore’s short knocks on the door shock you for a moment, he didn’t seem like the type to respect you enough to give you a moment to retain your decency. But more seconds pass, and you realize he probably wants you to open the door yourself and face your punishment head-on…Quickly, you throw an oversized top back on and meekly answer the door. There he is, his red eyes almost glowing in ecstasy as a small smile twitches on his lips.

“What do I owe your presence to, doctor?” You can barely whisper out the words, but thanks to your closeness, he hears you just fine.

Dottore advances on you as you stumble back, his skilled hand catching the doorknob with ease as he closes it behind him, never once breaking eye contact with you. As he moves closer, looming over you, you lower your gaze. Clutched in his other hand was the discarded pump, noticeably banged up.

“I’m sorry, doctor.” Again, the words were too quiet.

“Speak up.” Dottore clutched your chin and forced you to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry…” Your lip trembles as tears well up in your eyes, overcome with fear as you meet Dottore’s unreadable expression. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean…I wanted…I…they hurt, okay?”

A flash of concern flicked across Dottore’s face, but you felt as though it was a mirage, as Dottore’s neutral creepy smile still held onto his lips.

“What hurts? Your breasts?” Dottore’s calloused hands easily slipped under your loose top, flipping up the thin cloth and exposing your swollen tits.

His thumbs brushed over your puffy nipples, causing a short cry to escape you.

“Mm…that’s no good…”

He didn’t stop though, instead he continued kneading at your tits, causing a short spurt of milk to squirt out. He chuckled at the sight, eyes locked onto the drop of milk rolling down onto your plump belly and disappearing underneath the swell of your stomach.

“Looks like you still have more to give me,” he murmured, pushing you towards your bed. “Then, let’s try a gentler method…we don’t want our dear experiment suffering…no, they’ll grow best in a healthy AND happy environment…”

You gasped as he picked you up, the lanky scientist hiding his true strength underneath his long coats and button-up shirts. Ever so gently, he placed you down onto the bed, propping the pillows behind you. You obeyed his request to lift your arms, not wanting to agitate him further, and let him remove your shirt entirely. His large hands easily held up your boobs, but they still spilled out between his fingers. Dottore first pressed his face into the crook of your neck whispering things you couldn’t understand. He slowly moved down, his lips dragging from your collarbone, to the expanse of your breasts, and finally, to your nipple. He licked gently around the areola before flicking your sensitive nipple with his tongue. You could feel him smile against your breast as your nipple hardened, your arousal seeping through. His free hand continued to gently circle your other nipple as Dottore latched onto the first breast. A soft moan left you as he gently, so gently, sucked and massaged you, easing your milk into his mouth. He greedily swallowed it up, which didn’t surprise you at all. You figured he was sneaking some of your milk for himself rather than the slimes or whatever the hell he said it was for. You couldn’t think too hard about your disdain for the doctor, however, as you were snapped out of your thoughts by a deep moan.

It was Dottore, who had become increasingly eager to enjoy your milk. His red eyes met yours as you continued to breastfeed him, your face becoming quite hot as you realized how intimate the moment was. “Mm…looks like this one needs some love too,” he grinned, his sharklike teeth glinting dangerously. How easy it would’ve been for him to truly damage you with those, you thought absentmindedly, yet he did his best to ensure his touch was almost featherlike…

Once again, you were shocked out of your thoughts as Dottore licked a hot stripe up your tit to your leaking nipple. He sucked, much harder this time, on your tit, relishing your loud moans as he manhandled your other breast. After what felt like hours, but probably was barely minutes, he finally pulled back, satisfied. You let out a shuddering breath, opening your eyes (you had closed them?) to meet his still hungry gaze. A smile was playing with his lips again, but this time, his mouth was pressed closed, a drop of milk rolling down his chin.

“Mphf!”

Your mouth opened slightly in shock as Dottore pressed his lips against yours, a frantic kiss. His tongue pushed into you, hot milk spilling into your mouth, down your throat. It was sweet, so sweet, sweet enough to make you feel a little ill. How Dottore managed to stomach so much of it was beyond you, but his lips forcefully pressed against yours sent a clear message: swallow it, all of it.

Finally, he pulled back, allowing you to breathe (and gasp for air). He wiped the white liquid off his chin, a dazed grin on his face.

“Taste it…you see? Why I’m so obsessed with your milk?”

You nod, still panting.

He chuckles, pressing his face into the crook of your neck again, lazily massaging your tits. “Good, good…I’ll give you 24 hours, a break from that pump…and then I expect you serving me again like this, understood?”

“Haah…yes, doctor.”

You silently rejoiced in your mind, glad you somehow managed to convince the mad scientist to have it your way ❤️

Wow ok I swear I do not mean to write these long ass drabbles I just get carried away LMAO—I mean, I guess you don’t really mind? The only one suffering is my circadian rhythm (but fuck that shit anyways, right?)

—⌚️

DOTTORE LACTATION KINK MY BELOVED. ⌚️ MY BELOVED. a whole fanfic for free i am so blessed,,,, and with dottore being soft for you ooigghhg i love.

poor, poor darling who’s been more of a milk tap lately than a human being 😔 constantly hooked up to your pumps that suck and suck and suck at your nipples until they’re swollen and puffy from the constant irritation and it hurts so much you can’t help but cry sometimes. at least sometimes dottore is nice enough to offer you a bit of pleasure to dull the pain… though you’re not sure being used by a fuck machine from behind is supposed to comfort you as you’re being milked giving the intensity of the thrusts. he’s a big fan of switching it to the highest setting. it’s probably only a matter of time before he hooks you up to a little clit pump to match the pumps attached to your breasts, though of course the former is more for a torturous pleasure than it is for anything else.

at least all this milk is going towards a good cause… you wish you could rationalize. you fail to understand why this experiment is so important and why he needs such absurd amounts of milk from you— surely being hooked up to a pump for hours a day is a bit overzealous, right?—but it’s not like you’re much in the place to protest.

well, maybe you wouldn’t have to be milked for so long every day if he wasn’t dipping in to the supply that’s supposed to be for his experiments! when he’s sitting up in his office sipping a tall glass of your rich milk, that’s milk that could be going towards the experiment… but instead you have to make up the difference when dottore cheekily says that he lost the sample from the day before, that he clumsily dropped it while walking up the stairs, or that the experiment ended up… requiring more sustenance than originally thought. guess you better get back to pumping huh 🙏

#speaking of ⌚️ lemme free this from my drafts #cw lactation #cw pregnancy #dottore smut #⌚️ anon #spicy #il dottore x reader #dottore x reader #il dottore smut #fem reader

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baepsaesbae · 4 years ago

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Personal Galaxy

Pairing— Jungkook x female reader

Genre— SMUT, Fluff, Established relationship au

Warnings— Explicit unprotected sex, slight exhibitionism (they’re outside), oral (m receiving), mild swearing, fluffy boyfriend vibes that will make you love Jungkook even more

Word count— ~4.1k

About— You and your boyfriend, Jungkook, decide to go stargazing as a special treat for your anniversary.

A/N— Happy Birthday Jungkook! This was a collab with @goldenclosetnetwork for their Golden Closet Net Jungkook Birthday Project. I hope you guys like it, please let me know what ya think! (also this beautiful banner was whipped up in record time by the marvelous @kimtaehyunq)

After college starts, summer is no longer a relaxing season dedicated to lounging around and goofing off with friends. Unfortunately, now summers were filled with internships or temporary summer jobs. You got the short end of the stick though, as your summer was going to be filled with summer classes. Along with taking summer classes, you had to deal with the grueling heat. Walking back and forth from your classes to your dorm was quite an ordeal, as the sun drained you of all your energy.

Your only solace of not going home was that you were close to your boyfriend, Jungkook. You guys started dating towards the end of the spring semester, so the relationship was somewhat new. He was nothing but incredibly sweet to you, and you honestly could not believe you were dating him. From what you observed, he was basically perfect.

At first you thought he was a little shy, but when you got to know him, you soon realized he’s just a huge lovable dork. He loved gaming, and bragged about what his rank in League of Legends used to be (platinum, he was in the top 8% of all people who played). You tried to take him seriously, but you couldn’t help but laugh. You didn’t laugh because you were making fun of him, you laughed because he was just too cute. You adored the way his eyes twinkled when he talked about what he was passionate about. He would get lost in his own world and ramble on before he realized you were still there. At that point he would reach out and pull you into a hug and ask about your day.

After a long day of listening to a boring chemistry lecture, you finally got back to your dorm. You freshened up with a quick shower and collapsed into your bed. You were about to drift off when your phone starts to buzz. It was a video call from Jungkook.

“Hey baby what’s up?” Jungkook beamed on the other end. It looked like he just got out of the shower too.

“Hey Kookie. I’m done with class for the day. Have I told you how much I hate chemistry?” you groaned in response.

“Plenty of times. In fact, multiple times a day. Can’t blame you though. You can relax when I come see you this weekend,” Jungkook tried to cheer you up.

Jungkook lived about an hour away from campus, so he stayed in a dorm during the school year. However, he went home during the summer break. With that being said, he insisted on coming down to see you every weekend. At first you protested, arguing that gas was too expensive and the commute would take too much time. But he simply said, “I just want to see my girl. What’s so wrong with that? It’s no one’s decision but mine.” You couldn’t argue with him after that.

“Why don’t we do something different this weekend?” you asked. This weekend would mark your 3 month anniversary.

“Yeah? Like in the bedroom?” he was intrigued.

“No! I mean...sure? Wait no that’s not what I’m talking about right now, you dingus. Why don’t we get away or something? There’s a park about an hour away that is known for stargazing! They have their own observatory and all that. Would you wanna--”

“Yes. Let’s do it.” Jungkook didn’t even let you finish. You knew he’d be excited. Along with videogames, anything pertaining to outer space had his heart. He loved reading about various stars, and was always hypothesizing how space travel would work.

The weekend couldn’t come fast enough. You spaced out in lecture often, but now you definitely couldn’t focus. The thought of being hand in hand with Jungkook while traversing the trails together was enough to make your heart flutter. That, coupled with the fact that you two would be under the stars without any air pollution, really had you on Cloud 9.

You gleefully hopped into Jungkook’s car in the late afternoon. Jungkook was wearing his favorite bucket hat with his usual casual clothes.

“Hello beautiful,” Jungkook leaned over to kiss you, “Let’s go get our dinner. How do ready made sandwiches sound?”

“Sounds perfect! Why don’t we get some fruit too?” you sat back in your seat.

“Ohhh healthy. Yes ma’am we can do that.” he drove to the closest supermarket.

“Hey babe, let’s get this bread,” Jungkook joked as he picked up a sandwich. You couldn’t help but laugh at his little one-liner. You both love that meme. You guys strolled over to the fruits section. Of course, there had to be a debate over which fruits to get.

“It’s hot outside so why don’t we get watermelon?” you suggested.

“Mm that’s a good point. But watermelons are basically just water. Why don’t we get pineapples instead? We can see if that myth really is true?” Jungkook wiggled his eyebrows at you.

“You dog!” you playfully slap his arm, “Let’s get both then. The more the merrier.”

“Okiedokie. Don’t act like you don’t wanna try the pineapple trick though,” he teased.

“Maybe I do. What of it?” you retorted.

“Nothing. That’s perfect for me,” he winked as you guys went to checkout.

The drive to the park was relaxing. Jungkook played his music and sang along to all the songs. You occasionally chimed in whenever you knew the lyrics, but you preferred to listen to him instead. Even when he was messing around, his angelic voice was still euphoric. You were pleasantly surprised when he first sang in front of you. You didn’t think it was possible to hear an angel up close.

Getting away from the city was something you needed. As the tall buildings faded in the background, a more sparse landscape came into view. You loved the open road. Sure, the neverending grass and scattered trees weren’t the most breathtaking view, but it was pleasant nonetheless. You saw the occasional cow or horse, and never failed to point them out to Jungkook. He would always respond with a “wow!” or a “so cute!” and chuckle at you. Everything you did was so adorable to him, though he wasn’t the most vocal about all that mushy stuff. He was sure he had already fallen in love with you, but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same yet. He’d keep that to himself for a little bit longer.

The park itself was nothing grand. It being closer to the coast meant that it was a little on the swampy side. After several attempts to make sense of the provided park map, Jungkook finally found a parking lot.

“Okay according to the map, this is the closest parking lot to the observatory. I think there’s a trail nearby too,” you say as you hand him the map.

“Let’s go!” Jungkook leapt out of the car before he could even see you trying to give him the map.

Jungkook grabbed the food from the backseat as you got out of the car. Sadly, neither of you had a stereotypical picnic wicker basket, so everything was just in the plastic shopping bag from the store. That didn’t make it any less charming when Jungkook started swinging the bag back and forth in one hand while doing the same thing to your hand on his other side.

The sun was beginning to set, but you could still feel its warmth in the breaks between the shady parts of the trail Jungkook led you on. The trail itself was basically a small gravel path that led from the parking lot to a picnic site overlooking a swampy lake. The trees that grew in the open grove by the picnic tables were extremely old, as they loomed high overhead.

Neither of you had spoken since you left the car. You were both enjoying the fresh air and new sights. The candid sounds of nature filled the air. From the buzzing of the cicadas, to the occasional whooping of unseen birds, the authenticity of it all had you in a trance. Jungkook squeezed your hand and you snapped back to reality. Your eyes wandered back to him to see a soft smile on his face.

“Is this table okay, baby?” he looked at you with his doe eyes.

“Yeah it’s good. Do you like this place so far?” you asked as you started to get the food out.

“I do. It’s beautiful. Everything is just so...natural. Obviously,” he chuckled, “The scenery is the second most beautiful thing here.”

“Mm okay I’ll bite. What’s the first most beautiful thing here?” you cocked your head in amusement.

“Me, of course! Why would you even ask that when you already know the answer?” he laughed.

“Oh you’re so right. How silly of me. I have your food here, you dork. Do you wanna start with the pineapples or watermelons first?”

“Let’s open the watermelons since it’s still kinda hot out,” he plopped down beside you.

You foolishly skipped lunch, so your stomach was killing you. Jungkook joked that it sounded like a dying cat during the car ride. Sometimes it got so loud that he could hear it over his music. He wanted you to eat while he drove, but you refused because you wanted to eat together. Thinking back, you realized you could have fed him while he was driving. It’s not an issue anymore though, not when you’re both wolfing down your sandwiches. The watermelon was definitely a good choice, as it was a perfect weapon to combat the heat.

There was a gazebo next to the water that allowed visitors to get a better view of the swampy environment. You led Jungkook over to it after packing up the leftovers (only a few pineapples were left). The water was murky, most of the vegetation that surfaced looked dead, and everything put together made the place seem perfect for filming a swamp horror film. Despite all of that, you couldn’t help but think it was still beautiful. Upon a closer look, you spotted some small turtles on the closest log by the gazebo. Of course you excitedly pointed them out to Jungkook, who cooed at how cute they were. Jungkook brought you closer to him so he could hug you from behind and rested his chin atop your head. He loved the height difference between you two, it always made him feel like that much more of YOUR man. He also mercilessly teased you for being short, but that was just an added bonus.

“Do you feel relaxed?” he whispered in your ear before nibbling it.

“I feel so relaxed, darling,” you say, leaning into him, “The sunset is gorgeous out here. Even if it feels like we’re about to get attacked by a swamp creature at any second.”

“Yeah, instead we’re being attacked by a billion fucking mosquitoes. Babe, I don’t think your bug spray is working,” Jungkook swatted away the hovering pests.

“But my mom got it for me! It’s supposed to be a more organic and natural spray,” you pout.

“Well, I’m sorry but your mom’s organic bug spray isn’t doing shit. In fact, I feel like it’s attracting them,” his swatting became more forceful.

“Oh, you’re not even getting bit. They’re all over ME,” you say as you started to feel insanely itchy all over your arms and legs, “Let’s go to the observatory, the sun has already begun to set. Also there are probably more mosquitoes here by the water, so let’s get the hell away from that.”

“There’s still about half an hour of sunlight left,” Jungkook observed after checking his phone, “We have some time to kill. Wanna check out more of this trail?”

“Sure. As long as it leads away from the water,” you shrugged as you followed Jungkook into the forested area.

Golden hour shone down through the trees. The rays made Jungkook glow and look even more ethereal. He rubbed his thumb over your hand as he led you down the trail. You absentmindedly brought his hand up to your mouth to plant a soft kiss on the back of it.

“I haven’t seen anyone on this trail the entire time we’ve been here,” Jungkook observed.

“It’s nice. It’s like our own little sanctuary,” you agreed.

“And you look so cute in that outfit of yours,” Jungkook’s voice lowered.

“What are you suggesting, Jungkook?” you played along, caressing his bicep.

Jungkook abruptly led you off the beaten path, into a more heavily wooded area. He spun you around into a deep kiss, backing you up against a tree. You palmed him through his pants, finding him already half hard.

“What if we get caught?” you huffed into his mouth.

“Doesn’t that make it more exciting?” he said as he nipped at your neck while fondling your breasts.

“I’m gonna have bug bites on my ass,” you laughed.

“I’ll bite your ass when we get back to even it out,” he chuckled into another kiss.

You forcefully switched positions with Jungkook as you tugged off his pants. You kissed along his jawline and down his neck before sinking to your knees in front of him. His erection bulged in his underwear, begging to be set free.

You teasingly licked him over his underwear, making him groan. As much as you wanted to continue teasing him, you didn’t want to get caught before he actually had the chance to fuck you.

You pulled off his underwear, leaving him fully exposed. You delicately kissed the tip of his penis like it was some sort of polite greeting. Then, you lewdly flattened your tongue on the base of his cock and licked a long stripe upwards and finished at the top with a swirl. You hollowed out your cheeks as you sucked him off at a repetitive pace.

“Do you want me to fuck you here, baby?” Jungkook huffed above you.

You looked up at him with innocent eyes as you deepthroated him. Saliva dripped off his cock and down your chin, a sight that would make any man sweat. You nodded and released him with a satisfying *pop*.

“You’re so fucking sexy. Switch places with me and face the tree,” he commanded.

You did as he said, bending over at the waist. He tugged off your bottoms, revealing your dripping core. He tantalizingly ran his tip along your folds.

“Hurry up! I don’t wanna get caught,” you complained as you wiggled your butt at him.

“So impatient,” Jungkook admonished as he slapped your ass.

You didn’t have time to complain because he jammed his dick into you immediately after his slap. You instinctively covered your mouth to suppress your moans. Your free hand toyed with your clit, rubbing it intensely. The thought of being caught at any second had you even more wet than usual. Jungkook noticed.

“You’re so wet. I’m gonna cum in no time,” Jungkook groaned as he thrust deeper into you.

Jungkook released his load into you. You moaned as you felt his hot juices fill you up, mixing with your own mess as it dribbled down your legs. Jungkook gave your ass one last slap before rummaging for a spare napkin in the picnic bag. He cleaned you up as best as he could, but you desperately needed a shower. That’ll have to wait.

Retracing your steps, you both wound up back at the parking lot, which was perfect because the trail to the observatory was just on the other side. The once empty parking lot was now nearly full as the new arrivals made their way towards the observatory. The sun was almost fully set at this point, so it was getting a little hard to see.

“Babe look!” Jungkook shouted as he pointed to a little creature that scurried in front of you. You jump back from his sudden yell, and then lock eyes with the possum that stood in your path.

“I don’t know whether to be scared or to call it cute,” you say, clinging tightly onto Jungkook’s arm as the possum lost interest in your staring contest and continued on its journey.

“I would say it’s cute. As long as it doesn’t attack you. Oh holy SHIT babe don’t look up!” Jungkook found himself frozen in place.

“Huh why-- OH MY FUCKIN GOD!” you neglected to heed his warning. Looming about two feet above Jungkook’s head was a gigantic spider. The web it was dangling from was enormous. You hate all kinds of insects (yes a spider isn’t an insect, but it falls under the creepy crawly category so you hate it too) but spiders are by far the scariest to you. After you screamed you clutched Jungkook’s arm tighter, probably cutting off his circulation.

“Okay okay just close your eyes and keep close to me. It seems like those guys are strung along the entire path,” Jungkook kept you by his side as you guys progressed past the trees. You helplessly kept your eyes closed and completely relied on Jungkook to guide you. Thankfully, it only took about three minutes to get past all the trees; the observatory was in an open clearing. Jungkook gave you the ok to open your eyes again.

“Thank you Kookie, you’re so sweet to me,” you kissed Jungkook softly on the cheek.

“Usually I’d make fun of you, but those things kinda freaked me out. So I could only imagine how scared you’d be of them. Don’t worry baby, I’ll protect you,” Jungkook returned your affection with a kiss on the forehead.

The line for the main telescope was already long, so you guys ventured off to one of the smaller ones instead. There were three big telescopes in the overall observatory. Amateur stargazers were scattered around the deck with their personal telescopes. You saw them letting other people see through them, so you made a mental note to check them out after the main telescopes. The sun had finally set, and now the dark sky was illuminated with shining stars.

As you waited in line, you looked back at Jungkook, who hadn’t let go of your hand this entire time. His eyes were glued to the wonders above him. His doe eyes were wide and twinkled more than you’ve ever seen before. His mouth was agape and you were amused by how captivated he was; everything about this boy was so pure. It was in that moment that you realized you had fallen head over heels for him. You wanted to tell him you loved him right then and there, but you held your tongue. You were worried that he didn’t feel the same way. Hopefully one day he could return the sentiment, but for now you will keep those three words to yourself.

“You lot are pretty lucky! It had been cloudy for the past week. Tonight’s the first night that the sky’s been clear. It’s also the perfect night to view Saturn!” the telescope’s attendant informed the people in line.

You and Jungkook were the next people to go. You were amazed at how big the telescope was, and this wasn’t even the big main one yet. You went first. You climbed up a small step stool to get to the eye piece. You peered into it and was amazed by what you saw. The image was not the clearest, but it was pretty evident that you were looking at Saturn because of the iconic rings. Of course you could look up better pictures of Saturn online, but seeing it for yourself made it more special. Experiencing it all with Jungkook was something you would not trade for the world. You waited for Jungkook outside after you finished.

“Wasn’t that incredible ___?! We actually saw all the rings! And it’s a pretty color! I mean it’s like a reddish brown. We can call it a rusty color because that sounds cooler...ah I can’t wait to go to the main telescope,” Jungkook grabbed your hand and bounded to the next line. Watching him get so excited was enough to make getting eaten alive by mosquitoes worth it (yeah, they never ceased their attack on you).

“Is this the best date you’ve ever been on then?” you squeezed his hand as he continued to bounce up and down. His abundant energy always amazed you, and certainly came in handy in certain situations *wink wink*.

“Oh is this a date? What? Do you like me or something, ___?” he teased, looking down at you, “Yes, this is hands down the best date I have ever been on. Thank you for suggesting this babe,” he grabbed your other hand and pulled you in for a kiss. You weren’t fond of PDA, but you’re willing to make an exception for Jungkook.

The wait in line lasted for about half an hour, and you wondered which celestial being this telescope was being focused on. Everything around the observing deck was kept dark to make it easier to see through the telescopes. It was also advised to not look at any phone screens because your eyes would have to readjust to the darkness afterward. You and Jungkook complied with the tip for the optimal viewing experience. Jungkook was rambling about UFO conspiracy theories when you interrupted him by pointing out the fireflies behind him. They danced in the darkness of the open air, and it was your turn to be captivated. Yes, you hated insects, but fireflies had a special place in your heart. You thought they were fairies when you were younger, and you would spend hours playing with them. Your parents would even help you catch them. The nostalgia that hit automatically put a smile on your face.

“You’re adorable, you know that ___?” Jungkook smiled as he wrapped his arms around you, “I wish you’d look at me that way,” he pouted.

“Oh shut up Kookie. I do look at you that way, but you never notice,” you stuck your tongue at him. Jungkook laughed in response. His laughter stopped and his eyes widened when he realized you guys were next in line.

“What is this one looking at?” Jungkook asked the telescope attendant.

“Oh, all three of these are pointed at Saturn,” he replied.

“Oh no, we waited in line for so long just to look at the same thing,” you said, shoulders sagging.

“Awesome! Since this one is the biggest, does that mean that we’ll get a better view than the other two telescopes?” Jungkook asked, his eyes twinkling once again.

“Uh, technically yes. But only slightly better, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference,” the attendant replied as he let Jungkook enter.

From the way he asked, it probably didn’t bother Jungkook that he’d be seeing the same thing again. Once it was your turn, you realized the attendant was right. There wasn’t much of a difference in the quality of the image you were seeing, but it didn’t make personally seeing Saturn any less magical.

“Seeing it a second time was super cool. Can you believe it? People a hundred years ago would have never thought they’d see Saturn with their own eyes!” Jungkook greeted you when you came out.

“Yeah that’s all pretty dope, but I kinda wanted to see something else. Maybe some of the people who brought their own telescopes are looking at other things,” you took Jungkook’s hand and made a beeline to the amateur stargazers.

There was an interesting assortment of telescopes there. Some were big and bulky, some were sleek and aesthetically pleasing, and some just straight up looked like weapons. Multiple people were willing to let you both look through their telescopes. You both saw an additional two stars whose names you will never remember, along with seeing Saturn one last time.

You and Jungkook stood in the middle of the deck, gazing upwards to soak in the clarity of the stars before your departure. As if the night couldn’t get any more magical, a shooting star streaked across the sky. Oohs and aahs were heard from people in the general vicinity when they saw it too. Jungkook pulled you close to him, his face inches from yours.

“You know, maybe we were lovers in a past life, because I feel like I’ve known you forever. I think you’re the most special thing in this universe. Thank you for today,” Jungkook said tenderly.

“You’re welcome, darling. I would give you the whole world if I could,” you smiled, slowly leaning closer to him.

“For you, my dear, I’ll give you your own personal galaxy,” Jungkook practically whispered as he cupped your face and brought you in for a kiss. The kiss was the epitome of sweet, as his soft lips brushed against yours without much force. You swear you’ve never been happier in your life. Thank the stars for Jeon Jungkook.

#bts smut #jungkook smut #gcn23 #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #ksmutclub #bayanihanboost #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic

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bondsmagii · 4 years ago

Note

Regarding this cat that is perhaps not a cat at all. Definitely not MY cat.

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Orla McDonald, regarding a cat that is perhaps not a cat at all. Original statement given July 3, 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

It started after Bella died. Or I suppose, after I thought Bella died. Bella was – is? – my cat, or at least I think she is, or was. I got her as a kitten and she’s now seven years old, if she’s actually still alive at all, which I’m pretty sure she must be as I saw her just this morning, when I was on my way here. Bella is a beautiful cat, long-haired, that grey colour they call blue and that I never understood until I looked at Bella when the light was just right and I could see she did look kind of blue after all. She has eyes to match, too – big and sea-blue, like you could dive right in – and she’s more photogenic than I am. Temperament wise, she’s a very chill cat. She likes to relax in the sun, stretch out over the sofa, basically just laze around as the lady of the manor. Altogether a very typical cat, right? Nothing remarkable at all.

Well, all apart from one thing. Every so often, perhaps once every few months, Bella just goes wild. It’s not like, you know, her time or anything, because she was fixed as a young cat because God knows I can’t be doing with kittens. Apparently it’s normal for cats to have times of the day where they just go crazy for some reason, running around and making a mess and yowling, but she doesn’t do that. It isn’t every day, or even a once a week thing. And it doesn’t last for a brief period of time, like what all the things I’ve read have said. She’s fine for months, chilling out and sleeping on the sofa, and then one day she’ll just wake up and it’s like a wild animal has moved into my house. She doesn’t go outside as a rule, because I worry too much about her, and usually she’s fine with that. But when she enters this state she will absolutely get out of the house no matter what. As soon as I open the door to go to work or to put the rubbish out, Bella will shoot out through even the tiniest gap and off she goes. There’s nothing I can do about it at all. Once – and only once – I tried to stop her, and she clawed up my arm so badly I still have scars. It was the first and only time she’d ever scratched me, and I was stunned. It got the message across, though. I’m not happy about it, but I have no choice but to let her out. I worry about her, but it’s not like I can stop her, and also I don’t particularly want her in the house when she’s in that mood? It sounds neglectful, I know, but she really does just rip the place apart.

There’s a lot of danger when it comes to cats outside, and I live right by a main road, and yeah. I won’t go into detail, but the inevitable happened. I wasn’t too shocked? I mean, I think deep down, I always knew. That’s what happens, right? Obviously I was devastated, and finding her was… well, I didn’t find her, I should say I found out, because she had a collar and the driver… God, I feel so sorry for her too, you know? She was so good about it, she could have just driven off because that’s what most people do when someone hits a pet on that road – my neighbours just let their cats run wild and I’ve called the RSPCA so many times but anyway, that’s not the point. The driver was only a young girl, maybe eighteen or nineteen, couldn’t have been driving long. She brought Bella up to my door, wrapped tight in a blanket like she was sleeping. Thank God there wasn’t any visible injuries. We even talked for a little bit; I tried to reassure her that I didn’t blame her, that it wasn’t her fault, but I don’t think she believed me. How could she? I still think about her even now, wishing that I could somehow explain that Bella was still alive, but… I’m not even sure that’s what’s going on, but if it makes her feel better, right? I don’t know. I brought Bella into the house and I just sat with her for a while, talking to her. Calling her a little idiot, asking what got into her. Telling her I loved her. You know. That kind of thing. I held her in my arms and rocked her like she was a little baby, and after some time – I’m not sure how long, maybe half an hour? – I became aware that she was moving. She was moving around in the blanket like she was trying to get out, and in my shock I let go and the blanket fell into my lap and out she jumped. She even gave me an indignant little meow as she did so, like I’d been deliberately keeping her in there. She sat, washed a paw, and then trotted into the kitchen where I kept some food laid out for her. I just sat there in shock.

I mean, cats have nine lives, right? That’s what they always say. I’m not sure what Bella got up to on her other trips outside, but as far as I knew, she’d never lost a life before. She’s always been a healthy cat, no scares, no accidents until that one. I get that it’s just a saying, but something in me wondered if there was more to it then. I was sure she was dead. She might not have been, because admittedly I didn’t check for a pulse or breathing or anything, and the accident had just happened so she wasn’t cool or stiff. The only proof I have is the weight there was to her when I took her from the young driver’s arms. It’s called a dead weight for a reason; it wasn’t the sleepy heaviness she had when I would try and get her to budge over at night, or how she would go deliberately limp when I lifted her away from something she wasn’t allowed to eat. This was a different kind of weight, and while I’ve been fortunate enough to have never handled any kind of dead body before then, I just instinctively knew what that weight was; what it meant. It was so heavy – literally the absence of all life. She was dead, and then she wasn’t, and of course I was glad for it but I was naturally very uneasy.

After a couple of days I brought her to the vet. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop analysing her for signs she might be acting differently, or I suppose for proof that I hadn’t somehow imagined it. I explained what had happened to the vet, but I suppose I chickened out of saying that she was absolutely dead – I don’t think the vet would have believed me. Or at least she would have explained away how I must have been mistaken, and I know I wasn’t mistaken but I also know I would have probably been so eager to believe her that I would have convinced myself I was, and I don’t know. I just said she seemed dead, and then she was fine. They put Bella through a bunch of tests and scans and sure enough everything showed up just fine; their best guess was that she hadn’t been struck at all, but had maybe just had the life frightened out of her and passed out or something, like how a person can get a shock and faint. I suppose that’s not impossible? Something about the vet’s choice of words struck me, though. Frightened the life out of her. It really did seem like that was what had happened – like whatever made Bella Bella had been… taken. Or vanished. Like the fear had replaced it entirely.

That’s not to say Bella was a frightened cat after that. She acts much the same, if I’m honest. She’s still pretty chill, she’s still always lazing around not doing much of anything, but there’s something just off about her. There’s a look in her eyes that I can’t quite explain. Have you ever seen an animal and you’re kind of like oh my God, it looks like a little old man or old woman or something? There’s just something about the face that looks so human, or they pull an expression and you just know what they mean? It was kind of like that with Bella’s eyes – they looked human. Sometimes she looked at me with an understanding that was beyond… beyond what a cat should be able to conceptualise. I know, I know, we don’t actually understand as much about animal intelligence as we’d like, and we don’t know just how much about their environment they do or do not understand, but I’m telling you it was different with her. She had never acted like that before and I’d never seen her look like that before. It’s so strange. I considered maybe some kind of brain damage affecting her personality, but the vets found absolutely no injuries at all. I even took her back to ask about it, just saying that she was acting out of character, but they could find nothing wrong with her that time either. Scans came back fine. She was her usual self with the vet. I felt – I feel – like I’m going insane.

As if all this wasn’t bad enough, I’ve started noticing some… really odd things. A couple of weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night, just wide awake like something had deliberately woken me. I couldn’t remember hearing anything, but I just knew that something, some noise, had woken me. I sleep deeply, too, so it would have to be some noise – I mean, I’ve actually slept through a fire alarm once, it’s that bad. Whatever happened had to be some kind of I don’t even know, explosion or something, or it had to have happened very close to where I was sleeping. I sat up and turned on my light, and my bedroom door was fully closed. I never fully close it because Bella likes to come in and out, but it was completely closed and when I went over to look, there was a crack in the wood running from the top and bottom of the panel where the handle was attached. It looked like it had been slammed shut with extreme force, and I suppose that’s what woke me. I was confused, obviously, and I didn’t even consider the implications until I heard footsteps on the stairs. Thankfully they were running away from me, but I heard them as clear as anything – thud thud thud on the stairs, like a fully grown man in heavy boots. I was absolutely petrified. I had these horrible thoughts of some creep sneaking around in my room while I was asleep, but nothing was moved and there were no prints on the carpet and the room didn’t feel like anyone had been in there. It didn’t seem as… well, as simple as that, so I found the courage to ease the door open and peer out. The house was still and silent, and as I crept towards the top of the stairs I knew that I was definitely alone in the house – there was no other presence. I finally looked around the corner and down the stairs and the only thing I could see was Bella’s vague outline, sitting at the bottom of the stairs and looking right at me, her eyes glinting in the dim light.

I don’t know why she frightened me so much then. I think it was because of the glow of the streetlight outside, coming in through the frosted glass of the front door. I suppose the effect of the glass could have caused it, but for a moment her shadow… didn’t match. It was elongated, jagged, like her joints were all harsh angles. Like a bare tree in winter, all knots and wild angles, sharp and rough. Whatever fur she had didn’t show up in the shadow – she looked short-haired or even hairless, and her jaw was longer and more canine. I took a half-step back and from that angle her shadow looked normal again, and she meowed at me and trotted quite normally into the living room and out of sight, but I didn’t miss the way she looked at me. I got the distinct impression that she knew I had seen.

It sounds ridiculous, I know. Even writing this, I feel stupid. I do think maybe I should go and speak to someone, because now I’m laying it out I do wonder if I might have just suffered a horrible shock thinking Bella was dead, and then I’ve just created this strange story around the whole thing. Maybe she was fine. Maybe she did just faint. Maybe it’s all in my head. I have no idea, but something about it just doesn’t seem that simple at all. I keep going back to that old saying, that cats have nine lives. Perhaps I’m thinking too deeply into it, but I have to wonder if those lives are all the same one. I mean, does it just refer to close calls? That they get lucky and get more tries? Or do they get nine separate lives? If they do, where do they get the extras from? Is it still theirs, or does it come from… somewhere else?

I don’t know if Bella is still a cat, but even if she is, I don’t think she’s still… my cat. Or maybe she is? I don’t know. I’m still glad she’s here, but… well. I sleep with my door closed now. With the chair against it. And that’s not really normal, is it?

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

This is certainly one of those statements that makes me wonder why I’m here. An unnerving story, yes, but I do wonder if this isn’t an exercise in creative writing or perhaps as Ms McDonald said: some kind of post-traumatic episode following the shock of believing her pet to have met an unpleasant end. If it is, I imagine that the shock will eventually wear off and Ms McDonald will stop believing that her pet cat has been possessed by some kind of entity, or whatever she believes is going on. There isn’t much to investigate in regards to this, either – the nature of the incident makes it very difficult to ascertain facts, and checking with the veterinary clinics in the area of the address Ms McDonald provided was a waste of time. They either don’t remember any such cases, or they are not inclined to discuss patient information.

As for Ms McDonald herself, she has since moved away from the property and left no forwarding address. The house is, as reported, situated on a main road and the residents there suffer all the frequent calamities from having one’s front garden directly attach to a road with a 60 mile an hour speed limit – collisions with pets and cars emerging from driveways, and occasional car-house collisions. A few neighbours remembered Ms McDonald and reported that she was a pleasant and completely unremarkable young woman, causing no trouble and certainly never acting like she might be suffering from any kind of mental distress. A few neighbours also recalled Bella, having seen her stalking through their back gardens or, more frequently, sitting in Ms McDonald’s living room window. Nobody reported anything strange about the cat at all; certainly not elongated shadows. It was impossible to track down the driver of the vehicle said to have struck Bella with the information provided with this statement, and with that any potential leads were exhausted – though I confess to not being entirely sure where they might have led to even if we had found them.

Not exactly debunked, but certainly not worth filing away as open. I’m considering creating a new designation for statements containing material perhaps better discussed with a therapist.

End recording.

#tma #statement prompts #my writing #fakements #long post #anon #asks

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queerautism · 4 years ago

Text

Am I exploiting my dog?

Yesterday I asked @severelynerdysheep if I'm exploiting my dog by having him as an assistance dog in training (assistance dog is the legal UK term for service dog), and they linked me to this article.

It's an incredibly bad piece. Let's go through it.

"Firstly, it should be obvious to most observers that many service animals are being harmed. Police canine units and military animals are often intentionally cruelly treated as part of the training process"

'Service animal' is not a term interchangeable with 'working dog'. These are not service animals and irrelevant to the discussion. Though, for the record, police and military dogs just shouldn't be a thing and their training is garbage.

"The question of exploitation and harm is more nuanced when it comes to service animals used to assist those with disabilities, such as emotional support animals or guide dogs for the blind."

Really, those are the two examples you're going for? Emotional support animals are NOT service animals, and do not need to have any kind of special training that a pet wouldn't have, or perform any tasks outside of their presence being a comfort. Lumping them together does a huge disservice to disabled people, and it's an extremely common misconception by people who know very little about actual service work.

Only mentioning guide dogs for the blind also isn't great, because it's the only kind a lot of ableist people know about and recognise, which means a lot of handlers get told we don't really need our dogs, because we aren't blind. You had an opportunity to actually bring up the amazing diversity of service dogs here (autism dogs, psychiatric service dogs, Medical alert dogs, etc) and educate people, but instead reinforced misconceptions and stereotypes.

"These animals are not usually subjected to stressors which any ordinary companion animal wouldn’t be"

This is not exactly true. Service dogs deal with many situations and environments ordinary pets don't, of course. But you cannot define for a dog what they should perceive as a 'stressor', anymore than you can decide what a dog should or shouldn't find aversive. Many dogs find loud noises stressful and aversive. Mine, as a service dog in training, does not, and hasn't ever, since he comes from a line of working dogs bred to be very 'gunsteady', which means hunting dogs who wouldn't be scared of the loud sound of a gunshot.

If a service dog finds these things stressful, they'll wash out and not be one anymore.

"these animals are still being exploited for human gain, they are bred, raised and trained solely for human benefit."

And we come back to the central idea of exploitation. I just don't get it. It's like these people can't imagine building a mutualistic relationship with a dog, based on trust, where you work as a team. Where the dog also benefits.

What do they think our day to day looks like? What exactly is exploitative about it?

"As for whether or not these animals would be better off were they not service animals, this is something of a moot point, since these animals are bred specifically for the purpose of being service animals."

Actually mostly they are not! Program breeding, where the whole litter is bred for a specific organization and all puppies are expected to be service dog prospects, is quite rare and very much not how most disabled people get their prospects.

It's a lot more common for good breeders with breeds and lines suitable for service work to place some puppies from each litter as prospects, if they seem to have the temperament for it.

As an example, my dog's breeder does not breed exclusively service dogs at all. They are working line poodles, and in my dog's litter there was a lot of variety! - Another one of them also went to service work, I believe two went into dog sport homes, another one into a dog conformation home, and the rest went to pet homes, all depending on their individual traits and what they would be happiest as.

"Service animals are currently very rarely drawn from rescue populations, but this seems like an obvious way to solve a lot of the ethical issues involved with using service animals."

Fun fact, I tried talking to a few rescues, including breed specific rescues, for a few months after I decided I needed a service dog myself. It was my first option.

They all ended up turning me away, saying the same thing. Their dogs had their own difficulties to work through, and the chances of being successful with this training are extremely low. 99% of them simply aren't suitable.

Proper service dog training takes about 3 years. Here you're asking disabled people to adopt dogs with unknown genetics and spend incredible amounts of money and time for a huge chance of failure. It's cruel and dismissive.

Even in the cases where rescue dogs have successfully become service dogs (which of course still happens), they often have a very short working life, because they haven't been bred responsibly and with all the proper health clearances, which leaves them at risk of serious health issues and early death.

"There are groups mounting pressure to only train rescued animals, contrary to popular belief, many breeds of animals are capable of being guide dogs or emotional support animals, and since many dogs in shelters are still young there is little reason to resort to irresponsible breeding practices to fulfil the demand for service animals."

If you want rescue only service animals, you literally don't give a shit about disabled people. We are acceptable casualties to you. What we actually need from our partnership with our dogs is secondary to your ideology here.

Rescue dogs can be excellent emotional support animals, I'll agree there. Because as I said, they aren't service dogs and they don't need any especial training. They are still pets.

They most often cannot be service dogs. Even if they are young, temperament in dogs has a huge genetic component. Dogs that end up in rescues are not responsibly bred (a responsible good breeder will take any dog they produced back at any time, and stays as a secondary contact in the dog's microchip in case they do end up in a rescue somehow), and their unknown genetics not only can cause issues with their temperament and health that makes them unsuitable for work, but also often mean they are not a representative example of the breed and do not show the usual traits that make that breed successful at service work when bred reputably.

Adult temperament does not fully develop until a dog is +3 years old. This means you could do everything right with a young rescue dog, only for them to develop dog reactivity or aggression once they fully grow up.

It is simply not fair to ask every disabled person who needs a service dog to put years of their life into this process while stacking the cards against them like this.

Actual good responsible breeders absolutely exist. They do right by their dogs and work their asses off to bring healthy, sound dogs into this world. No one is talking about irresponsible breeders here.

All of their arguments recap into this:

"1) The animal was not specifically bred for purpose and is a rescued animal.

2) The animal must be treated as a companion rather than a worker, and as such must be properly retired with a loving family once they can no longer work.

3) Animals should not be placed under any stress or put in danger.

4) There should be no viable alternative for the use of service animals."

1) Again, they usually aren't specifically bred, certain lines have a few puppies from each litter that have service work as the best fit for them.

2) Of course they are companions. We're a team. Of course they deserve a happy loving retirement.

3) You cannot avoid all stressors, that's life. Low levels of stress to be overcome actually help dogs build their confidence. Obviously none of us want our dogs in any danger.

4) if you think the stipulations you've presented for service dogs are sufficient to fullfil disable people's needs, I'd love to know what you consider to be a 'viable alternative', because something tells me it ain't gonna be good either.

"An example of this might be a therapy dog who has come from a rescue center as a young dog, and would probably otherwise have been killed."

Most places do not have an overpopulation problem so big they're killing young dogs at rescues. The UK sure doesn't. Young dogs get adopted extremely fast.

Also, a therapy dog is NOT a service dog. You cannot keep using these terms interchangeably and expect me to take your opinion on service dogs seriously.

A therapy dog is simply a pet as well, with a general calm and friendly temperament, that volunteers with their owner to meet and cheer up people. It's a completely different thing with different standards. Many rescue dogs can indeed be excellent therapy dogs!

"We do not have to deny that animal use is exploitation in order to justify service animals in some scenarios. Yes, service animals are being taken advantage of"

Still would love to hear how exactly I'm taking advantage of my dog, or what the alternative 'living with a dog without taking advantage of them' looks like.

"We are seeing some advancements in robotics which look promising as a replacement for service animals, so this may become a non-issue in the not too distance future."

Imagine complaining we're the ones not treating service dogs as living individuals but thinking they can be fully replaced by robots. Amazing.

"Regardless of your viewpoint on this, no negative judgement should ever be placed upon the people who require the use of service animals in order to function, it is not their fault that this is the option that has been given to them, and no one who relies on a service animal should be made to feel bad because of it."

You can say this as much as you want, but it's absurd. You're 100% being extremely ableist and asking disabled people to do things in the most costly, effort and time consuming way to fit in with a morality position which is clearly been developed with no real accurate knowledge of service dog work or training.

Plenty of us have chosen this option with full understanding of what it means, it hasn't been 'given to us'. Don't go 'oh the poor disableds don't know any better tho' like it absolves you of all the shitty things you've just said about us and our dogs.

Anyway I said my piece. Have a cute pic of my dog Kovacs, assistance dog in training for my Autism and CPTSD, currently almost two years old and living his best puppy life. I had to stop writing this for a little while many times because he demanded pets.

#animal welfare #animal rights #service dogs #dogblr #assistance dog

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otomeramblings · 4 years ago

Text

My thoughts on Act 2, Episode 5

Yes, I’m incredibly late to the party. It took me longer than I thought to finally be able to finish reading Ep 5 BUT here it is! I’m gonna try to summarize my initial reactions and how I feel about the main plot points here both for myself and for anyone that wants to read them.

Long post under the cut!

One small thing I want to mention before delving into the big stuff: seeing all the boys starting new stages in their lives was honestly super heartwarming; they’ve grown so much both as individuals and together as a company (and as friends), and it was a delight to see it. As a fan of small details, I loved to see that the conversation Banri and Yuki had in “Into the Night!” (about him taking acting seriously and maybe going to college to bring back the knowledge to the company) was reflected in his choice of going to Veludo Arts University.

But anyway! There’s 3 main things I want to talk about in regards to this episode:

First up is Masumi’s arc:

Hooooo boy, I hadn’t been this angry about a fictional parent since we learned about Misumi’s family. I think the main thing that irked me a lot about his dad was how little regard he seemed to have for his son as an actual human being. Especially because of how hypocritical it sounded when his secretary said stuff like "Mr Usui is concerned about you living without a parental figure for so long" because we all know that Masumi has been living basically on his own for a long time and the excuse of "Masumi has only been living in Japan this long due to his parent's desire to keep his environment as stable as possible while they were married" felt super empty because yeah, right, coming back to an empty home every day is the healthiest way to raise a child, it surely can’t affect his well-being and his sense of worth in any way.

Masumi saying "I thought it might make them happy if i got good grades or did well in sports, so I tried my best, but...nothing ever changed" and the story about him begging his parents to come to the show and tell and his dad's response was just "Listen to your parents, that's all we want from you" was so heartbreaking. It made me incredibly angry but it also helped me understand Masumi as a character a lot more; no wonder he has attachment issues (which are mainly centred around Izumi/the MC) and his constant need for validation, he just wants people to be there for him and be proud of his accomplishments. He just wants a family but his parents were just too busy to even give a crap.

Also, in relation to Izumi: I think he still needs to learn that the obsession he has with her is not healthy (and hopefully one day he can grow out of it) but it's clear that he doesn't do it to purposely make her uncomfortable; he's misguided and he doesn't know how to deal and express the affection he feels towards one of the people that genuinely cares about him. Also I'm not saying that he doesn't have a crush on her, I think he does but he behaves this way because he never learned how to express his feelings in a healthy way and he's probably scared someone "could take her away" at any moment because boy hasn't he had to deal with people going again a lot already.

About Masumi’s grandma: love her, she’s a darling and she clearly cares for her grandson’s well being. One thing she mentions is that her son changed when his company found success, and like, I get that he needs to put time and effort to keep his company afloat but like. not even considering what your son wants and feels? Maybe talking to him every once in a while? Being busy it's not an excuse; your son shouldn't have to wonder if his parents love him. But this also ties to the end of Masumi’s arc when his father finally lets him stay in Japan: I'm glad that Masumi's father apologised and realised the error of his ways, it doesn't undo the years of loneliness Masumi had to endure because of it, but it's a start.

Final thoughts on Masumi’s arc: 10/10 would read it again for the feels. I really loved the depth they gave him and how they made him realise that Mankai (not just Izumi) are important to him because they’re his precious family and he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. One little moment after that warmed my heart was when Izumi tells Masumi that she's glad that he's been taking care of Tsuzuru while he's busy writing and he answers with "I mean, he is...family",,,,,,,,,,,I’m not crying, you’re crying. I hope we can get more moments with him in the future that are centred around his personality, his likes and dislikes, and his relationships with the other boys.

In second place, Chikage’s introduction and arc.

Let's see. I knew coming in that Chikage was a controversial character within the fandom and I knew the main reason why because of spoilers, but I didn’t know all the details. Also, something you should know about me is that I found morally grey characters interesting, so that made it so I went into this with an open mind.

Overall, I liked the episode and I ended up linking Chikage as a character well enough. But I’m not gonna lie and say that everything was perfect. The biggest issue I had with his arc was the way they handled his relationship with Izumi/the MC, especially in regards to the kidnapping. I’m usually pretty good at putting a dividing line between fiction and real life, which is what allows me to enjoy villains and morally grey characters; but as a woman who grew up with my mom saying “never leave your drink/food unattended”, seeing it done here and then having it go unpunished really left a bad taste in my mouth; because every girl grows up hearing this (and i know this is a problem that affects all genders) and it’s horrible because it has happened to so many people. So my biggest gripe about this part of his arc is the consequences, or more so the lack of them.

The only things that made it a bit more acceptable *for me* were three things:

This line from Izumi: "What Chikage's done is unforgivable. But I can't just ignore August's dying wish and Hisoka's thoughts on the matter." I have some mixed feelings about it but It just aligns with Izumi’s personality; she’s always been portrayed as incredibly selfless and giving, someone who’s ridiculously kind (to a fault) and who always tries to see the best in people and puts others before herself (and also because ~plot~ demands it, but that’s a thing with a lot of media these days) Do I wish she had been angry and wary towards Chikage after having been drugged and kidnapped? Yes, I do, it would have been nice to have a portion of the story dedicated to Chikage having to earn her trust back because what he did really was not okay.

Sakuya’s conversation with Chikage when he tries to leave after opening night and in particular these two lines from Sakuya: "This isn't about the play....for some reason, I get the feeling we shouldn't leave you alone right now" [...] "You're different now. I can tell you're broken and hurting. I feel like you've lost your way." Regardless of personal feelings, I think Chikage showed that he really was shaken by the weight of his own actions after he found out the truth. He knows that what he did was wrong and that’s why his emotions and all his guilt were crushing him all at once. He was driven by revenge and anger for so long that once he learned and accepted the truth, he completely lost himself. And seeing him have to deal with all of that made me really glad, because even if he’s not gonna have to deal with external consequences (aka having to deal with the rest of the company’s distrust, even though I wish he did), he still had to find a way to not only forgive himself but also to atone in his own way for what he did (aka putting down his walls, fulfilling his promises and making it his mission to protect everyone at mankai from the organisation)

Now, as I’ve been saying, I really wish Chikage had been able to tell the others the whole story about what he did and why he did it but…..we didn’t get that. What I am glad about, though, is that at least he told them that he took her away on purpose (even if he didn’t tell them how or why); also both he and Hisoka pointed out that anyone who knows the full truth about their lives could be in serious danger and that having Izumi know was already risky enough. And yes, that is indeed very plot convenient but it’s the bare minimum and I’m willing to give it a pass this time.

tl;dr I think Chikage is an interesting character that has a lot of potential and I have hopes that he will get some more development in future events. BUT, I really think they could have handled his arc in this episode a lot better.

Now, all that said, if you still couldn’t bring yourself to forgive or look past what he did and you still don’t like him: no one can force you to like him after the things he did since it can be very triggering for a lot of people, so remember that your feelings are totally valid.

In third place and in relation to Chikage’s arc, I also have to mention Hisoka and the development he got as a result.

The only thing that bugged me in relation to Hisoka was that even though I knew he couldn't because of ~plot~ (and probably because part of him is still unsure about what he didn't remember and how it could affect the others even if he did say that the person he was before didn't matter anymore) but I really wished he had told anyone "hey so like......Chikage said some weird stuff to me just now and I might need help" because their first 1 to 1 confrontation was a threat if I've ever seen one.

But yeah, other than that I really love that we not only finally got to learn about his past, but also we got a good foundation for his development in the future regarding his interpersonal relationships with the winter troupe. The fact that he couldn’t remember who he was has been a point of conflict in the past and this brings that issue to a close in the sense that he is willing to tell them (part of) the truth once he sorts things out. And I loved loved how the trust Hisoka has in them is the direct result of all the ups and downs that the winter troupe has gone through so far in learning to open up to each other. I know they said during nocturnality that they’re not a family in the same sense the spring troupe is, but I honestly disagree; they way in which they’ve come to rely on each other shows how strong their bond is.

#a3!#a3! spoilers #act 2 spoilers #kinda since i'm really late to this

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foxymoxynoona · 4 years ago

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FYI. I’m about to unload a whole story to you lol. But for some reason, I have had an urge to tell you why AMENDED is my absolute favorite story and why I relate to it.

Starting with Isabella. Me and her grew up very similar. My mother was a drug addict and alcoholic most of my life. After her and my father (who was also an addict) separated. Then came the same creepy boyfriends. But unlike Isabella, I had an older sister so that helped out a lot. My childhood wasn’t as bad as I remember because I spent most of it with my grandparents, who I fortunately still have to this day! I LOVE being with my grandparents! But it always sucked going home because of the constant fights with my mom and the uncomfortableness with her boyfriends. Of course, like Isabella’s mom. They were her top priority. Only one time did one try to touch me. I was 13-14? I’m not sure but I was in 8th grade. I told my mom right away and the only response I got was “Did he think it was me?” I still haven’t forgiven her for that. She made him apologize and he continued living in my house (Oh how much I wish I had a JK as a best friend during those times)

I moved out when I was 16 to live with my grandparents because we lost our house. My mom, sister, niece and nephew went to go live with my mothers parents (I am not close to those grandparents) And I went to go live with my favorite grandparents (My dad hasn’t been a constant part of my life for a while now) Everything was going great! I was going to school regularly and I also got my first job at the mall! Which is where I ended up meeting my first serious boyfriend.

Put it in short words, I had found my own Landon! He was sweet, charming, older. He worked in the food court restaurant, just a few stores away from my job! I was 17 and already dropped out of school and was working full time when we started officially dating. He was 20. Everything was going great but it was all moving so fast! About 3 months into our relationship he got an apartment and I moved in with him. The first few months were amazing. We had privacy, and a lot more time to spend together. What 17 year old didn’t love the idea of having their own apartment and living with their boyfriend?! I guess the age difference made it more easier to excuse his now ‘protective’ behavior.

By the time I was 18, I had met sooo many people, especially at work. I had more adult friends and occasionally they would ask me out to hang out with them and have girls night! He did not like that. He was so worried that while i was out with my friends he would call me every 30 minutes to make sure I was okay and to also ask what i was doing. Despite him going out almost every night with his brothers and friends to bars. Eventually It got to the point he never wanted me to go out at all and if i did, I wasn’t allowed back home. I was young so I stupidly let him have that control over me.

3 years later. We are still together. I turned 21 and couldn’t even go celebrate because I was pregnant. But I was happy. During those 3 years he had only become more and more mentally abusive. He was manipulative, insecure, possessive. And it took me to be pregnant with his child to finally acknowledge that. But i stayed because? I was pregnant. I didn’t want my child growing up without a father and I also didn’t want her to have parents that fought all the time because they hated each other.

Skip to after giving birth. I quickly learned he was not interested in playing the dad role. He would work and come home and play video games all night. We didn’t have anyone to watch the baby so i couldn’t work. He was not happy about that at all. After constant fights and learning he was spending his money on drugs and alcohol (despite always complaining about being broke because he had to support us), I realized I wasn’t in love anymore and told him I wanted to leave. It wasn’t a safe environment for my child and I had to grow up and realize it’s not just about me anymore but about my child. That night was the first and last time he every got physical with me. And I can proudly say that was the night I packed my bags, left and never looked back.

All that happened almost 2 years ago. I am now 23 and have a 2 year old. Things are different now and I feel like its in sync with amended’s current story line. All though I don’t have my Jk yet. I am dealing with the difficulties of letting my daughter have father time. The only reason he is in our lives is because I don’t want my child to hate me for keeping her away from him. I do get along with him, but only for my daughters sake. And because he knows this, he uses it to his advantage. Knows how to push my button and get inside my mind, especially with letting him come see her or letting her go visit him. He even has the crazy girlfriend who doesn’t like me! Lmao. I don’t let my child be alone with him though because I don’t trust him enough to watch over my child. He still wants to live that carefree life and loves being able to hand me back my child when it gets too much for him.

But that’s okay with me, because I will gladly take my child back. Right now, I’m getting my life back together slowly. But after reading your story, it has helped me realize my life isn’t over yet. I can still do things! When I am ready to meet someone, I definitely want to find someone like amended JK. Not the marriage and arrangement part lol but a man who wants to take care of me and my child and supports me and will have my back no matter what. Someone who can help me say no even when I feel like i can’t. To protect me from my Ex the way JK protects Isabella from Landon. I relate to this story so much, and I think you write it beautifully. I just wanted to say thank you for the words you write and for giving me an escape, especially when things have gotten a little too rough. It always so nice to relax and read one of your stores (:

I don’t mind if you answer this publicly or privately. I’m also sorry for the whole life story lol but I just couldn’t stop typing! I just wanted you to know how much your stories mean to me (:

Since you said I could, I’m going to answer this publicly. Because one thing I do see in reader response is often this big divide (not ALWAYS but often) between readers who have or have not been in abusive relationships, and readers who are or are not parents. And I think it’s actually really important and healthy and it was a reason I decided to post this story, because these are things that so completely change your mindset and outlook on life, but they can be really difficult to understand if you just don’t have that experience. I wanted to use Amended as an opportunity to make people stop and think and understand situations they (hopefully!) are not in themselves, or if they ARE in, have the opportunity to seeing someone grow through it and find love and security and happiness on the other side.

There are lots of my own experiences, doubts, struggles, and pains wrapped up in Isabella’s story too, though not necessarily 1:1. Sometimes they were situations or relationships I didn’t have much of a choice in (like with a bad dad), but other times they were things I could have and should have left earlier and I didn’t (like an abusive ex that I didn’t live with, didn’t have children with, separating should have been easy.) What I’ve taken away from it is that we are strong and adaptable and we go through life making the best we can and adapting to situations, and that can bite us in the ass sometimes when we adapt to situations that we should be adapting away from. But it can be so hard to do that! I think people forget too that love isn’t always logical but it can be a hell of a jail when you love someone who is hurting you. “Giving up” on someone to save yourself is really, really hard. Like couldn’t someone make the case that JK should haven’t to deal with Isabella being mean to him and should just leave? Where do you draw the line? It’s so hard!

I just want to say HUGE kudos to you. Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom who has not only done such incredible and difficult things at a young age, but that fact that you also make things harder for yourself (in having to still deal with your ex) to try and make things the best for her. Especially when you had a difficult home life... probably my love for Isabella shows already how much I love and admire you and your situation and all the women who have been in similar situations. You clearly had to grow up so so young and that sucks, that’s so unfair for you. I wish I could give you back more of the childhood and adolescent that were stolen from you.

You are helping me remember too why I like to write about moms. There is not as much media as there should be about moms where they are still the star of the story. When I had my son I realized with shock that to a lot of the world, my life is over as an individual now. That’s bullshit! The start of my son’s life story doesn’t mean the end of mine! It doesn’t mean I just become a side character in his story! It just means there’s a new sub-plot in the story of ME, and I can continue to reinvent and discover myself over and over for the rest of my life. We have to break free of this idea that mothers are nothing but mothers, and this idea that 30 or 40 or 50 are too late. Because the reality is sure, once you become a mom, sometimes the me stuff is on hold for a while in order to survive, and sometimes you’re mostly wrapped up in the mother role, and that’s totally fine. But it’s definitely not over. It’s never two late to get to “start” your story, or “restart” your story. I’ve found that often when I’m in the middle of things being hard it feels like the chance will never come, but it will, and it won’t be too late! It sounds like you are kicking ass for yourself and your daughter right now, and how incredible that she’ll grow up seeing that strength and resilience.

So thank you so so much for sharing your story. I always love hearing from you. 🥰

#amended #personal #mywriting #myao3

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tipsycad147 · 4 years ago

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Grounding and Centring

What is centring?

Centring and grounding go hand in hand. Some people use the terms interchangeably, but where grounding is making a connection to the earth, centering is making the connection to your inner self. It's becoming aware of your own energy, and a state of self awareness.

So which comes first, grounding or centering? Depends who you ask! It's kinda a chicken or egg scenario, especially because they go together generally. So just do you.

One of the greatest exercises for centering I've found is in Devin Hunter's book, The Witch's Book of Power. For what he calls finding your inner or home frequency, I connect to centering. Enjoy!

Discovering Your Home Frequency

By Devin Hunter

Find yourself in a place where you can relax and be at ease. Begin by taking deep breaths and allow each breath to enter your lungs like water pouring into a cup and exit as though it was being poured back into its original container. Take time feeling the universe pour into you and spill out of you with each breath. Find yourself focusing on the points of stillness and silence between each breath and allow yourself to gently, mentally slip into them. Allow each moment of stillness to grow pregnant with potential.

Continue to do this until you begin to feel the tension slowly drain from your body. When you perceive this sensation, take it as a cue from your body that it is ready to begin its journey to the home frequency.

As you continue to breathe slow and deep, bring your attention to your heart chakra. It takes exactly sixty seconds for the blood in a healthy heart to leave, pump through the entire body, and return. Knowing this allows your focus to move from the heart to the center of your chest, to the belly, down to your sex, through your legs, and down to your feet. Allow your focus to rise back through the legs and the torso, making its way to your shoulders, down your arms, back up through the neck to the top of your head and then back down to the heart chakra. Do this as many times as you need to until you feel that you have checked in with your body. If you feel blocks or areas of discomfort, allow yourself to visualize those blocks as being merely frozen energy that will melt as your warm blood circulates.

Bring your attention now to your state of mind. Begin this by acknowledging any internal dialogue. As you acknowledge it move it to the side of your focus. See this mental chatter as a frequency all its own that has the ability to sway your focus. Instead of seeing it as the enemy, simply pause the chatter as you would pause a song on your MP3 player. Move from being aware of your states of dissonance to replacing them with the feeling of happiness in yourself. Think of how you feel when you are being generous or have had an incredible day. If this is hard for you, I recommend replacing those thoughts of dis-ease or frustration with the realization that you have already overcome so much in life. Isn’t that something to be proud of? These moments are moments of perfect love and perfect trust and are aligned with your highest good.

Take that feeling of happiness in yourself and allow your consciousness to sink deep into your body. Take three deep breaths, and as you do so, allow your energy to spread out. Each breath is a pulse of energy emanating from your body. With each pulse spread your consciousness out even further until you can feel yourself taking up the entirety of the empty space around you.

Focus on your sense of identity, the real, authentic you that has been around since you were given consciousness. This you has never changed: It has always been that feeling you get when you know you are in the right place at the right time; it’s the feeling you get when you listen to your favorite lyrics in your favorite song; it is the sensation that comes when you finally break the walls down and say what is on your mind. Focus on the you that you love, the piece of you that feels perfect. Send this authentic vibration out into the world with three deep breaths just as before. You are now at your home frequency.

Allow yourself to see this vibration emanate from you and see that with every pulse it is clearing away all negative conditioning and feelings of fear or dis-ease. See that each wave of energy moves from a place deep inside, through your body and every cell, and as it does so it washes away all the chains that bind you.

Spend a few moments feeling your frequency transmit to the universe; get to know this feeling of perfect love and perfect trust in yourself.

What is grounding?

Grounding is basically a practice of purposeful stillness involving connecting to the earth spiritually or energetically (which ever you want to believe) which serves a few purposes:

1. To release excess or negative energy

2. To form an energetic or spiritual connection to the earth

3. To prepare for any magickal working

4. To rejuvenate or recycle your energy

5. Gets you in the mood (as it were) for a magickal working

6. Prepares you to pull energy from the earth or to energy raise.

Lots of great stuff there, right? So, how do you do it? Well here's the thing. What works for me may not work for you. There are tons of exercises in nearly every magick book and social media platform. Try as many as you can till you find a method that works for you. Some find simply carrying a crystal or stone works wonders. Try Hematite. Some drum, swim, take a ritual bath, practice certain types of martial arts, breathing exercises, or my favorite, visualization techniques or guided meditations. That's what I'm going to share with you today.

This exercise is VERY common. I do one based on one in the book the Spiral Dace by StarHawk. The one below is similar from the Literata blog.

Tree of Life

Sit or stand comfortably and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Concentrate your awareness around your center of gravity, in the middle of your body. Visualize a seed or sapling there, ready to take root. Become aware of where your feet or sit-bones are connected to the earth, and imagine yourself as the sapling, taking root through your connection to the earth.

As you breathe in, feel yourself gathering your energy, and as you breathe out, let your roots dig deeper into the soil. They tunnel down and spread out as they grow. Feel yourself connecting with the dirt and stones and even the water table, deep below you. With each breath, push your roots a little bit further, gently, because roots will find their way around and through any obstacles that present themselves. As you get down to the bedrock, feel your roots touch the stones, and connect with the veins in the stones themselves, so that your roots go down into the very bones of the earth.

Pause there for a moment and let that connection strengthen. Let whatever is bothering you flow down and out into the earth and be diffused, and draw up from your roots whatever energy and sustenance you need. Feel the stability that your roots give you, so that you are balanced and steady.

Now, when you take a breath in, draw that flow up into yourself, into your trunk, and as you breathe out, start to put out leaves and branches. Breathe in, and feel the energy of the earth combine with your own to feed those branches, and as you breathe out, feel them grow, reaching up through the sky. Let them divide and spread, so that some are thick and strong, and others end in delicate twigs that sway as the wind blows through them. Feel your leaves seeking out the sun’s energy, or the moon’s, or both. That energy flows into you, and mingles with what’s already there, strengthening your trunk and feeding you all the way down to your roots, too.

Rest there, letting the energy flow into you and through you, letting it nourish you, heal you, and replenish you.

When you’re ready, gently draw your roots and branches back in. You can do this by visualizing them shrinking back into you as you breathe in. You know they will always be there, and that you can extend them again, and connect with your environment again, at any time. For now, let them retract into you, so that you gradually become aware of the shape of your own body again. When you’re ready, open your eyes. Move gently when getting up after this.

Ice Grounding

By Jacki Smith

Sit in a comfortable position (one where you will not fall asleep) and try not to cross anything (except if you are sitting cross-legged). Start by breathing slowly. Let each breath be three heartbeats long on the way in and three heartbeats on the way out, creating a calming rhythm. You may have to take a moment to locate your heartbeat, but you will hear it and be able to tune in. Repeat this breath three times and return to your natural breathing rhythm.

With each heartbeat, you can feel more and more of the tension you are carrying. This is your fears, stress, anger, disappointment, and hurt. With every heartbeat, that tension is turning to ice, eventually turning your entire body to ice.

You are the essence of cold, hard ice; you can feel the warmth of the sun coming through the clouds, walls, ceiling, and roof of wherever you are. That warmth of the sun gently melts you. You begin to drip into the Earth, a slow stream of water penetrating each layer of terra. You travel through the topsoil, clay, and bedrock, through the crust and the mantle. Each layer filters away the tension that your essence has been collecting and holding until it was too full to function properly anymore. Your gentle stream of water grows warmer as it reaches the core of the Earth, turning to steam as it touches the molten center.

The moment you become steam, you rush right back up through a channel in the Earth. A volcano of your essence is being propelled up and out. None of the weight of negativity could come through that volcano with you; it was consumed by the heat of the Earth's core. You can feel the rush as you come out of the Earth and fly up to the sky.

Your ascension slows, and your essence begins to collect as water droplets. These droplets reconnect as a cloud that grows heavier until it can no longer contain all of you, and you are released again. Drop by drop, you fall as a gentle spring rain upon fresh-turned soil. Beginning as a puddle, you can feel yourself recollect in human form. You come back together clear, focused, and free of the minutia found in daily living.

Your spirit stretches with awakening as you can now feel your entire spirit centered within your physical body. Your aura has been cleansed and is tight around you in a protective and energizing way. You are now able to feel the goddess and god within you, and they blend and balance the elements of Earth, Air, Water, and Fire that baptized and encircled you.

You are now centered and ready to have a wonderful day and do some kick-butt magic!

So what do you think? Do you ground and center? Do you do it differently? Tell me in the comments below!

Thanks for reading, I hope this information was helpful to you!

-Jax

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Sources:

Centering exercise, Discovering your Home Frequency, The Witch’s Book of Power 2016 by Devin Hunter.

Ice Grounding Exercise From the book Coventry Magic by Jacki Smith

Tree of Life exercise from Literata blog Here

Tree of Life pic credited to Gnostica blog.

Ice woman pic is from the coolest ice sculpture website you can find here. check them out!

https://aminoapps.com/c/pagans-witches/page/blog/grounding-and-centering/5BzL_YNMhVuvrDdRGM4P5J4ZqdpokPJjXb

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years ago

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Welcome (back) to the Order of the Phoenix, Gabe!

You have been accepted for the role of REMUS LUPIN! We loved your thoughts on the darker, more difficult layers of Remus’s friendships and fears and we were fascinated by your ideas about lycanthropy’s effects on his gender transition! We’re so happy you’ve come back to Homenum Revelio, and excited to see you on our dash again!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Gabe

AGE: 22

TIMEZONE: GMT-3

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Honestly pretty active, I’m still quarantined and will stay that way for a good while, probably. Remus is just one of those characters that comes easy to me, so good chances that I’ll be around a lot, hah. I’m most active on the weekdays! Weekends my sister usually tricks me into watching a billion movies or a new show, so I end up being less present.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Remus John Lupin

AGE: 21

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: trans male, he/him/his, he’d rather not classify his sexuality as anything other than not-straight.

Remus didn’t start taking the wonderful Attisgalli Corrective Draughts until he joined Hogwarts officially, as his parents wanted to wait for that before they started him on the gender reassignment potions. That’s not to say they didn’t support their son’s identity, which he’d been frankly very vocal about since he could talk, they just wanted to be sure that he would be safe. He already had a lot on his plate. Being a werewolf, they needed to make sure the potions could even be safely used with someone like him, so they waited to talk to Dumbledore and his trusty team of potion-makers about it. Remus was on corrective draughts for all of his puberty and he’s currently on the heavier dose that only needs updating every few years. He has a few annoying side-effects after taking the wrong dosage too early. He doesn’t suppose many people know about this, and he doesn’t particularly care to tell anyone, apart from the people who already know.

As far as his sexuality goes, I don’t think he likes any of the labels he’s stumbled upon, I don’t think he openly – or even privately – calls himself anything when it comes to sexuality. He just doesn’t give it much thought. He likes whoever he likes, and if you were to say “oh, so you’re pansexual, then”, he might simply offer you a tired grunt and an unhappy twist of his face. He doesn’t feel comfortable in any boxes. “Queer” as an umbrella term would be the closest he’d get to labeling himself. All that being said, as the writer, I’d personally put him as a 4 on the kinsey scale, but that’s between you and me.

BLOOD STATUS: Half-blood/Half-breed

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

ANY CHANGES: Don’t think so! I’m keeping the fc of Charlie Rowe after surfing through many others because I think he does Upset & Angry right. That’s really important for a Remus, he’s working through a lot right now. I also really considered to go for Paul Mescal from the new show “Normal People” because I think he has a great normal face and (from what I can tell, maybe) some pretty scars on his chin and he has some great scenes BUT he currently has no resources. Also considered Louis Hofmann, from netflix’s Dark, but decided he looked too young, even though he’s in his twenties, too. Anyway, just wanted to briefly take you with me on that faceclaim journey, the conclusion is that I love Charlie Rowe and I didn’t know him before so I thank you guys for suggesting him!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Remus today is very different from who he was in Hogwarts. That’s no surprise, of course – who doesn’t grow out of their weird teenage years? But it feels different with him, and that’s because at seventeen, Remus already had enough baggage to count for an adult. So where does that leave you, at twenty-one?

He is a lot of things. He is tired, he is angry, he is devastated, he is young. If before he was only a boy, crushed under the weight of all the things that happened to him, now he is a man, standing tall but hardened by life’s constant beating. He hasn’t so much overcome his issues as he has simply grown friendly with his demons. His edges have turned sharper, his hands have grown colder, he’s losing contact with his faith.

That’s not to say his core has changed. Remus is kind, before anything else. He hasn’t lost the warmth his mother taught him, because that kind of empathy is not something one easily shrugs off. Even the war couldn’t take this from him. It wears him down these days, being selfless, having a caring vein and needing to look after others. He’s already lost so much, and he doesn’t see this changing anytime soon, as they continue to lose battle after battle, but this is still who he is. He wants a better world, he wants the good side to win.

Remus is also very secretive. He can come across as cold or distant to people he doesn’t know, because he had a lifetime of keeping himself concealed. It’s his defense mechanism and it’s how he’s kept himself alive after all these years.

In fact, he’s not even fully sure how his few friends managed to slip under that armour so easily. Sure, his armour wasn’t so well-built when he was a child, but it was still some work. He was once simply a scared eleven-year-old, eager to learn and be a good student, and suddenly he ended up in a lifelong bond with three other idiots. In a lot of ways, he owes so much of his personality to the Marauders. He bloomed in Hogwarts, he had a safe and healthy environment with people he loved, he could finally grow into a normal boy; he cracked jokes and he made fun of himself and he learned not to take things so seriously. He was not just a werewolf, not just a monster. He’s a great friend, he’s funny on his good days, he’s sarcastic and kind and protective of his friends. He owes this to them.

Remus is a trans man who started taking corrective draughts as soon as he entered Hogwarts. Dumbledore was the one who encouraged his parents to allow this, promising he’d keep an eye out and take care of Remus. There wasn’t exactly any research done on whether or not the potions would affect a werewolf’s body differently, so they’d have to be cautious, but several potion makers insisted nothing should go wrong.

They were right, technically. The potions didn’t react any kind of way with his blood, they did their work normally. It also perhaps helped that most of the side-effects were all things that Remus had been dealing with his whole life, due to the curse: muscle and joint aches, mood swings, headaches. The only catch was that every time he turned, every full moon, when he came back into his human form, the draught had completely worn off.

This made things a little more complicated. It didn’t mean anything to his health, thankfully, all he had to do was take another dose of the potion in the morning and he’d be back on track. It was something about his metabolism overworking, the fact that his body healed itself after each moon. They could never quite fix that little quirk – every morning after the full moon, he’d wake up in a body that didn’t belong to him.

This was when he was on a small dosage of the draught, of course, still going through puberty and taking the so-called “Children’s Corrective Doses” that had to be ingested every week.

Despite the general crippling discomfort of briefly being in the wrong body once a month, it was fine when he was making the turns by himself at first. Then the Marauders joined, and that was weird; it took him a while to agree to their presence and it wasn’t only because they could be in danger. He was scared of being that vulnerable, too.

Because of this monthly hiccup on the process, potioneers instructed that he should be on this smaller dose for as long as possible before he transitioned safely into the “Permanent Corrective Dose”. Five years at least, seven if he could, before he switched to the potion that he’d only have to take every two years or more. This shouldn’t be a problem, he thought innocently, hearing this at age eleven.

By sixteen, the temptation of the Permanent Dose was too grand. It stopped being bearable after a while, the whole “waking up in the wrong body once a month” experience. And the temptation was there because the potioneers said that an adult dosage would likely fix that monthly issue. All he wanted was to stop worrying about this thing – wasn’t the fact that he turned into a murderous beast more than enough? Besides, he was turning seventeen soon, he was most likely done with puberty, he had done the smaller doses for six years already.

So the Marauders made a grand plan. And out of all the illegal, morally questionable things Remus has done, he probably holds this one as the best. They managed to buy him a vial of a Permanent Corrective Dose, and he drank it without thinking twice.

This didn’t come without consequences. Dumbledore was mad. His parents were mad. Every potioneer he knew was pretty annoyed. He frankly couldn’t give a damn, he was overjoyed – it had worked. The moon came, and for the first time when he came back to his senses, he was in the right body, his body. He didn’t care if anyone was pissed at him.

He still doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the debilitating migraines he still gets as a side-effect. He doesn’t care that his muscles will sometimes cramp, or that his skin sometimes feels raw. He can handle all of that – quite frankly, he’s happy to deal with all of that, if it means keeping his body through the transformations.

It’s important to take from this that Remus Lupin doesn’t shy away from many things. He likes to deal with things head-on, he is a Gryffindor, after all. Once Dumbledore sent him to live with the werewolves shortly after graduating, he made sure to take another permanent dose, a heavier one, to last him however long he stayed out. This time the draught was acquired legally, since he was already of age, but the higher dose in this short amount of time wasn’t exactly what the mediwix ordered. This ended up aggravating his side-effects.

Still – and perhaps that is a testament to his stubbornness –, he’ll tell you this was all worth it.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Remus grew up in a happy home. Well, as happy as a family could be, while plagued by the curse of lycanthropy. So maybe not so happy at all.

He doesn’t remember much of his early childhood, if you ask him. He remembers the looming sense of despair, he remembers seeing his parents cry through cracks of barely open doors, he remembers quiet dinners and he remembers feeling awful. He can’t remember not being a werewolf, but he thinks they were the happiest before that.

They were okay after it, eventually, too. They all had to learn to navigate it, and once he grew a little older, things were easier, as easy as they would get. He remembers that time a little better – the times just before he went to Hogwarts and his time at the castle, too.

Overall, Remus grew up with a good family, he’d tell you. They didn’t have many distant relatives, so it was always just the three of them, and his parents were supportive – mostly. Hope was the warmth of the house, and if anything, she only grew closer to Remus after he was bitten. She was overprotective, and stern, and she had trouble handling when things didn’t go exactly her way, but those are hardly things kids notice about their parents when they’re still kids. He could tell you this today, but his memories of her are still all sugar-coated, tinted pink, gentle.

She didn’t understand his gender identity at first, his father once told him. Hope still had too many roots in the muggle world, it took her some time to wrap her head around all of these ideas. Lyall was the one who had to sit her down and explain to her about the corrective draught, and how common it actually was, how safe. She was the one who wanted to wait for a talk with the Headmaster before she let him take the potions.

Luckily for Remus, he was so young by the time she was having those first doubts and issues with his identity, he doesn’t have any bad memories of that. To him, she never mistreated him, and he never felt anything but accepted. She protected him with all of her heart, and that included all of him, her son, and a werewolf.

In fact, one of his fondest memories of her is getting a haircut, before his very first day in Hogwarts. He usually wore his hair somewhere a little above shoulder-length, a little choppy; he just liked how it swung when he ran, to be honest, and how it splattered water everywhere if he spun his head really fast in the shower. But he was terrified of having magic classes for the first time, he was scared of being thrown into a castle full of people he didn’t know, far away from his parents, the only safe haven he knew. She was the one who suggested a haircut first. They sat and flipped through silly muggle magazines until he found a cut he liked on some cologne ad, and she did it herself. Looks somewhat similar to what he still has as a haircut, if only with more bowlcut-esque qualities back then.

Lyall was more distant, growing up. Hope had little trouble getting over her bias of gender to accept his identity, but his father couldn’t do the same for his curse. If you asked Remus, he never really accepted his child being a werewolf, he was ashamed of his condition.

If you asked Lyall, the story’s a bit different. He was distant, but only because he couldn’t deal with all of the turmoil within himself. He couldn’t look at his child without thinking that he was the one responsible for Fenrir’s attack. He was responsible for his son being a werewolf, cursed forever – how could he look at Remus and see past that? Of course he was distant. Of course he dedicated his time trying to find a cure. As the turns hurt Remus, they hurt his father just as much. Every moon, he suffered with him.

It was hard for him, looking past that, but not because he was in any way ashamed of the condition. He felt sorry, and he didn’t know where to put all the guilt. He didn’t want to spend all of his time pitying his child, but he did. And it was easier to be distant when he felt undeserving of his son’s love in the first place; there would never be anything he could do to make up for this.

In conclusion, they were good parents, but it would also be unfair to completely ignore that Remus has such an issue with being a werewolf, as an adult, and – given that he was closeted about that his whole life –, this must’ve come from his parents. Their efforts to protect and hide Remus’ lycanthropy have not done him any good on the long run, they have not quite focused on the “but also, love yourself” part of their speech. Not to fully blame them or anything, of course there isn’t a “how to raise a werewolf” manual out there, and they had to deal with so much since he was just a little boy, they did what they had to do to keep their child safe. Remus truly believes they did the very best they could, and that they were perfect parents, given the circumstances.

I don’t think it registers to him that they may be the very root of the crippling self-deprecation he feels, and frankly, I don’t think it ever will register. This is not the kind of thing you unravel within yourself without some serious help.

Nowadays, since Hope’s passing, the two Lupin men have managed to grow closer. The hurt is still there, Remus still thinks his father is too cold and ashamed of him, and Lyall thinks he’s guilty and that Remus must hate him. They’re not big on talking about feelings, but they’re warmer with each other now than they ever were. That’s not saying much, it’s barely anything more than the occasional back pat and smile, but Remus likes to think Hope would be happy.

OCCUPATION:

He currently still works with the Dissendum Task Force, as he feels truly at home taking care of that part of things. He wants a job, he always wanted to be able to take care of himself, of course, I imagine he put up a fight when it came to depending solely on James’ money. He always intended to pay it back, to eventually find something for himself. He grew comfortable, the slightest bit, with James’ money, knowing he had that safety net while he figured things out, and while they all had bigger things to worry about. Now he has lost his friend, and he needs to find something, anything, to keep himself afloat, and all of this on top of the grieving, it might just make him reach a breaking point.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Remus feels like a paradox within the order. He feels both at the very center of it, as well as standing on the outside, looking in. He believes in them wholeheartedly, even if he’s not so sure he stumbled upon all of this belief himself, or if it’s been drilled into him by one very dedicated James Potter. And now that James is gone – how should he know how to feel?

More and more, he feels like he’s simply floating around in this war, a walking mystery, neither here nor there. He does as he’s told, he helps whoever he can help, and he won’t say a peep but he is starting to question his own faith, at this point. It’s difficult not to. He had a problem going with the werewolves, of course, and that time was generally awful, but he owed Dumbledore too much to say no. How much of what he does really is his choice, or someone else’s? He’s starting to grow tired of it.

He loves his friends more than anything, therefor he loves the Order, but he’s afraid of how long this might last.

SURVIVAL:

Remus is always on the move, but that’s nothing new to him. He’s been on the move since he was a kid, occasionally dragged off from one side of Europe to another, their family led by his father’s blind ambition towards finding a cure. He never felt like he could truly stop, and he grew up to embrace a sense of restlessness. The first place he truly understood the meaning of “home” was the castle, and even then, he knew his time there would have an end. In a way, this has helped him survive. He stays alert, he stays on the move. He’s always ready to pack up and disappear, as long as he knows he has the right people on his side.

His current living situation is, I imagine, complicated at best. He wouldn’t want to get a place on money that’s not his own, and he’s never been able to make his own money, at least not substantially. First, he was out with the other werewolves, he followed them anywhere and slept wherever he could when he needed to.

Then, he stayed at the McKinnon estate, and even though he knows he can stay there, he’s still often looking over his shoulder, waiting for the day they’ll kick him out. It still doesn’t feel right. It never does. He hasn’t felt at home since Hogwarts – or, perhaps, the odd times in between when he couch surfed wherever Sirius, James, or Peter were staying.

Now, he’s with his father momentarily, hiding. He hasn’t told Lyall anything that happened, he just packed up and showed up at his father’s doorstep. The contact isn’t ideal, but Remus needed the full recharge, even if just for a day or two. Lyall welcomed him with a brow heavy with concern, but he put the kettle on for some tea anyway, and he didn’t ask questions he didn’t want the answers to. Remus deemed that good enough.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Oh, boy. Things are a mess. This is the emo part of the app.

I must start this section talking about how much friends mean to Remus. They mean everything. Everything he heard since he was five-years-old was how much he needed to hide himself, how badly he needed to keep this secret, or everything would end terribly. He was a monster. He was capable of horrible, despicable things, and no one could accept him. By eleven, he’d come to term with this. By eleven, he barely even believed he’d get the chance to study. This is the weight this little kid had to carry around.

And then – enter the Marauders, the best, most miraculous thing to happen to him. A boy with a curse, suddenly welcomed into the coolest group of kids he’d ever met. He honestly felt like it was some kind of lie, or an elaborate prank. Those very first months after they met, he’d wait until the others all fell asleep and he’d write letters to his mom, telling her all about them. He’d write fast and he’d write over several sheets of parchment, talking about all the wonderful, terrible things that boys their age did. He was happy.

Eventually, he stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. They grew close, the others found out his secret, they never once turned away from him. They helped him. They loved each other, the lot of them. And it was so, so much more than a monster could hope for – still, to this day, he’s not sure how they do it, how they can love him. He owes them so much, but it’s not even about that, it’s not about owing. If he did, he’d owe them his entire soul. There’s not enough space in his body, in his heart, for how much he owes them.

They were, and they continue to be, everything.

And then the war happened. They parted ways, and by the time Remus came back, things had shifted. Things felt off. He was certain the love was still there – it has to be, it has to –, but it felt like it was stained, tainted by something else, something ugly. Suddenly, he’s not sure he can trust them anymore, but he doesn’t know if that’s his gut speaking, or if it’s paranoia.

That’s the duality of man, and the duality of monster, he supposes. Everything trails between gut feeling and paranoia. He’s scared of being doubted, so he’ll turn a pointing finger right back. If they think he can be a mole, then they can be a mole.

He’s terrified of losing them. More than anything, Remus really is terrified of losing his loved ones. He knows he can survive it; he’s lost his mum, he now lost James, you would think he’s hardened enough by now to be able to take it, but he’s not. In his eyes, they are his humanity. What is he, if he doesn’t have his friends? What’s a monster if he isn’t loved?

They all knew going into this that it wouldn’t be easy, sure, but sometimes Remus feels a little alone in how much he feels. It seems like the world keeps turning, the war doesn’t stop for grief. And it feels like everyone else picks themselves up and moves right along with it, but he can’t. Every death weighs on him, every loss has just been piling and piling up onto his shoulders and he doesn’t know how much else he can take. He feels like everyone else is so much better equipped for this. They all mourn, sure, but… do they? They can’t be feeling this like he does, because if they were, they’d be feeling this crippling dread. They’d be feeling how hard it is to move, how shaky his hands feel all the time, how his heart seems to be broken into a million pieces and all of his insides have rottened.

He resents that. He wants to be able to grieve openly without feeling like he’s slowing anyone down. He wants to be able to feel things, and give them time, before they’re running into the next death trap that could easily take another one of his loved ones. He really needs the time to stop and feel this, because it’s crushing him, and he doesn’t feel like any of his friends understand how bad it is – which in itself is the most crushing part of it. When did they all become these sort of robots programmed for war? And why didn’t he get that memo?

James Potter – Don’t get me started on the duality of being so hurt by the fact that your best friend outed your biggest, most damning secret to everyone, and then died. I mean. What the fuck, James. In all seriousness, this is a lot to handle, which is why he deserves to be mentioned in this section even if this doesn’t exactly make for new plots. Remus doesn’t know how to feel; normally he’d be upset at that betrayal, accidental or not, but he didn’t even have the time to process that, before grief steamrolled into everything. He wants to be angry. He wants the right to be mad, to maybe yell at James, to hear his apologies and immediately forgive him, because of course he’s not really angry, he’s just scared. And instead, he gets silence.

Sirius Black – Sirius always has a way of filling up every room he walks into. Remus always thought he’d be better off if he was a little more like Sirius, and maybe that’s why they work – how opposing their energies are. Remus is always trying to make himself smaller. In a way, this is also why they don’t work, on the times they don’t. Sirius was probably the person he trusted the most, even if they didn’t always see eye to eye. It hurts him a lot to think that maybe this trust is broken now; that maybe after all of this, they’ll end up too cold and distant to have the friendship they used to have. He hopes, blindly, that’s not the case.

Peter Pettigrew – He feels protective towards Peter. Maybe that stems from their years in the castle, how Peter was seen as the little kid who trailed behind them and not one of the Marauders himself. Remus never liked hearing that. And Peter is different than the others to him, he always seemed a bit smaller, a bit more innocent; Sirius and James have no trouble taking care of themselves, that’s not even a question. Peter, on the other hand. Remus feels like he needs to help him any way he can.

Lily Evans – He loves Lily like a sister. She reminds him of his mother, sometimes, with her warmth and her determination. She’s the strongest person he knows, and he think he’d probably trust her and follow her blindly anywhere – or, at least, he felt like that when they were all in school. He still wishes they were closer nowadays, he wishes they spoke more.

Marlene McKinnon – She’s too cool for him, honestly. Plain and simple, somewhere in the core of his being, he’s still just a really lame teenager who thinks she might be too cool to hang out with him. He’s grateful that he gets to crash at the estate, but he’s also well-aware of her family’s view of the half-breeds. He can’t quite relax while he’s there, he keeps expecting to be discovered and kicked out any passing second. Now that his secret is out, he fears she’ll turn on him.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

I ship Remus/chemistry first, always, of course! I always find that you have to throw characters together in action before you start planning anything, you never know where the chemistry will be. I’ve taken part in many a ships in my time, Sirius/Remus probably being the main one, but in this context, everything’s a little trickier! It’s a very unstable, difficult time, and this is a very sad and angry Remus. He wants something, he wants to have someone, I just don’t think he even knows how, or where to begin with. I think he pushes the idea of romance so far back in his brain, thinking he can never have it, that it’s almost an impossibility in itself because of it. I think he’ll have a very difficult time believing anyone wants him like that, even if it does happen. I really look forward to possibly exploring any ships if chemistry happens! And I don’t think I have any anti-ships, currently. All is fair in the rp land.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

It is safe to say Remus has a bias against werewolves, in the saddest, most twisted way possible. Yes, he is one, and he doesn’t deny that to himself, but there’s a reason why he’s so careful to hide it from everyone else, why he was so reluctant in letting even his closest friends help him out – he agrees with all the stories and tales. He doesn’t feel proud to have this curse, he wouldn’t defend it if someone were to attack it.

They are monsters, once a month, under the moon. It doesn’t matter if his friends for years tried to convince him he’s a good person, he won’t believe it until he lets go of these horrible ideas he has of the curse itself. Even after meeting so many others like him. He may think hating it – hating himself – makes him better, a higher moral ground on the scale, as opposed to the werewolves who flaunt it. He may think some of them, like Fenrir, are worse than him for this, but it doesn’t make things that much better for how he views them.

As far as privileges go, Remus recognizes he has it pretty easy as far as his family life goes. He had loving parents – as far as he can tell –, he had a normal home life; he’s a half-blood, which meant he usually flew under the radar, considering how other wix seemed to view muggleborns, in contrast.

But as far as privileges he doesn’t recognize, I’d say that’s probably more interesting. Remus thinks of himself as a monster. A werewolf, bitten while he was still so young. His bite scar sits on his shoulder, now grown and shifted but the pale scar tissue never gone, an ugly mark. He doesn’t think himself particularly handsome, he doesn’t see many talents that stand out. He thinks he’s pretty much at the very bottom of the food chain.

Which is all kind of untrue, he’s blinded by his self-deprecation. Everyone has privileges, he is no different. He’s a werewolf, and that’s terrible, but other than that he’s not exactly doing too bad. He was always a good student, he liked studying, good grades came easy. His looks had never proven to be a problem, even if he believes it is. He had a good home, dedicated parents, he never ran out of money for books and robes and chocolate bars growing up. If you strip Remus of his lycanthropy – and lord knows he’s dreamed of that –, the truth is, he doesn’t have anything else to feel sorry about. And he’s so stuck feeling sorry for himself all the time, that he has a hard time recognizing his privileges and biases.

To him, he’s a monster, but to anyone else who doesn’t know of his condition, he’s really just another regular guy fighting the war. Of course, now, with everyone’s discovery – things will change.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

Well, I’m not new to this scene, hi, hello! So I already know everyone here is an amazing writer, and I adore you admins (I promise I’m not just sucking up for the sake of the app, it’s true). I love Remus, it’s been a few years since I last played him but he’s the muse that’s always alive in my head – this is the fastest and longest bio I ever wrote, to prove my point, aha. I especially love this Remus, the mid-war, post-Hogwarts, “can’t get a job”, “questioning the loyalty of the people I love the most” Remus. He’s feeling a lot. He’s tired, he’s angry, he’s grown sharp edges from the soft boy he once was. There’s so much to explore, and while it’s definitely a little scary to fill in someone else’s shoes, I’m really looking forward to writing with everyone and exploring all the many plots and relationships possible!

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL):

I’m terrible at these, I’ll admit, but I am open to everything you may want to throw my way! I also think I’ll need to take a second to acclimate into any of Remus’ pre-existing plots before throwing around any specifics of my own.

That being said, though, something that I’m excited to explore is his current unemployment. I want him to search for some kind of proper job to try to pay things for himself. I think he’s too proud to ask anyone else for help at this point, and he might have several emotional breakdowns on this process, but he’s gonna do his best. Also anything to do with his current (quite terrible) side-effects from Attisgalli Corrective Draughts, or exploring his gender identity in general, I’d love that!

ANYTHING ELSE? I was gonna do a pinterest board but I’ll spare you guys the trouble for now, this is already 11 pages long. Oops! Thank you for reading!!

#marauders era rpg #hp rpg #marauders rpg #harry potter roleplay #hp roleplay #homenumaccepted

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gumnut-logic · 5 years ago

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okay so i have been having bad brain lately and struggling with life but i just took a deep dive into your ao3 to catch up on all your wonderful words and needed to let you know how brilliant you are (again) bc it’s been a while. thank you for writing the dentist. it’s such a beautiful heartbreaking story and you handled the mental health stuff so very tenderly and carefully and the way virgil’s brothers care so much and so differently, my heart just !!!! (1)

i know we’ll be home for christmas wasn’t my secret santa gift but it truly feels like it when you bless us with injured virgil and beautiful scenery and pure unadulterated fluff. what a beautiful world you have created. sotto voce is just. phenomenal. there are no words for how much it blows me away every time i reread. the prince who would be king?? i don’t normally read medieval stuff but this???? is everything!!! (2)

shooting star hurts so much but in the best way, you are TOO GOOD to us. finally. i will stop soon dw, but listen, live, lie, laugh, learn & love??? honestly probably my favourite fic ever. i come back to it often and just weep every time because it’s a masterpiece and virgil is so perfect in it, i am just so in love with your writing style. every time you post i get a happy leap in my chest & i get inspired to write my own so thank you for making me love writing again. you’re the best xoxo (3)

-o-o-o-

I woke up to these this morning and oh my god, I have just reread this so many times trying to work out how to do justice and answer such lovely words ::hugs you so much::

I really couldn’t have written what I have without this wonderful fandom to keep me going. You, in particular, have always been so encouraging and amazing to me, how can I not keep writing? I stumble across your comments from time to time while rereading fic and they are just so encouraging ::hugs you madly::

I’m sorry to hear that life is being nasty to you ::offers you a Virgil to hug:: I hope things improve as soon as possible. ::more hugs:: I’m glad my fic helps just a little bit. I know I’ve used fanfic in the past to get through rough patches, so I’m really just returning the favour.

Regarding the fics you mention: (wherein Nutty babbles about behind the scenes of her fics)

The Dentist - My most recent actually started out as supposed to be funny, but I’m never in control of these things. I drew from my own phobic experiences (though not of dentists and certainly not caused like Virgil’s). I grew up in a, shall we say, unsympathetic environment to a sensitive child (I am sensitive to a whole bunch of things - side effect of my artistic abilities, I guess, has it’s up and down sides) and developed at least two phobias that messed with my life. The only thing I ask is if someone says they are scared of something, please respect that and assist them in working with it rather than mocking them. It may seem stupid, but the fear is real and terrifying. And yes, Scott Tracy, I’m looking at you - treat Brains with a little more respect, you arrogant flyboy. Not everyone has the same talents. Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading through what turned out to be a very emotional fic ::hugs you lots::

We’ll Be Home For Christmas - I feel Secret Santa is really a gift to everyone. We all enjoy reading each other’s fics and I’m so glad you are enjoying this one. This one has been magical for me. I have learnt so much researching it and I feel I’ve been on the voyage with the boys. Poor Virg, though, I had to injure him just to get the plot moving. I am so mean to him :D I will finish this fic. It has to be finished. I’m enjoying it far too much for it not to be finished. As to the world, I didn’t create it ::hugs:: The beauty of it is that it actually exists just north of New Zealand. I have watched so many videos of this amazing place, I will have to share when the fic is finished :D

Tales of Sotto Voce - This series will always have a big place in my heart as it impacted on my writing like no fic before it. I learnt so much and enjoyed it so much. I really need to finish The Price because John needs to have the last say in this saga and boy, does he have a lot to say. Thank you so much for rereading it. It is always wonderful to hear that my archived words are still being read ::hugs::

The Prince Who Would Not Be King - I’m a little scared of this one. It could essentially become a novel and it would be a steep learning curve for my writing skills. The amount of work involved is daunting and honestly it is tempting :D But not until I finish Shooting Star, We’ll Be Home For Christmas and The Hero :D It seems I can write things at the drop of a hat, in fifteen minutes, at lunch, before work, early in the writing piece, but each story gets to about the three-quarter mark and then I really have to start thinking hard to make sure I tie up all the loose ends and deliver what the story demands - this can’t be done at odd minutes, so gets relegated to time off work where I can focus, hence the delays. Plus my frickin’ muse often refuses to behave ::glares at it:: I’ll wrangle with it and will win eventually ::glares at it some more::

Shooting Star - I was looking at this one yesterday. I have the conclusion worked out, I’m just trying to segway into it. Muse wouldn’t co-operate so I wrote Together instead. This was supposed to be a simple Virgil-John chat fic. It blew up in my face. The emotions in this one just hurt. But I feel it is a conversation the boys had to have. Scott would not just leave his brother up there with a potentially murderous AI. There has to be a reason why it all worked out...and some how or other I now have to illustrate exactly that ::headdesk:: How do I get myself into these situations? But anyway, some more is written, I just have to make it work properly. Thank you for sticking with me as I stumble through my brain working things out :D

Listen, Live, Lie, Laugh, Learn & Love - I have always loved the 5 + 1 fic format, but had never written one. At this point I wasn’t sure I could finish such a challenging format (yeah, look at my long fics now, but back then I was terrified I didn’t have it in me). I also had no idea where the fic was going until about halfway through, was totally new to the fandom and to Virgil’s character and to this day still worry I bent his character oddly with the choir boy bit. It is true that canon Virgil has never sung on screen (that I’ve been able to discover) so this fic is possible, but I’ve never been entirely confident I pulled it off well. So yeah, lots of doubt hovering around this early piece, so your words mean ever so much to me, particularly about this fic ::hugs you lots::

But most of all, the best thing you’ve said in all this is that you are inspired to write. I couldn’t ask for more. There is never anything more wonderful than knowing I have helped another artist pick up a pen or brush or take that step to push their ideas out into the world. The world is so much better the more art and creativity unleashed upon it. The world is crazy about science and technology, but the truth of the matter is that art and creativity and innovation underpin everything our species has ever achieved. That and art can offer such relief from a crazy world that does not lend itself to the natural rhythms of life.

::grin:: I’m not a coffee drinker like the Virg, but you wanna see Nutty devolve into a similar bearhead to the sans coffee Virgil, just see what happens when I’m denied my creative time. You get fic cos Nutty needs to exercise her creativity everyday. It keeps me healthy. It comes in many forms and media, but at the moment it is writing and TAG and yay, lots of fic :D

Aaaand, I’m babbling. Apparently I like to talk about myself ::ducks head shyly:: Sorry :D

But thank you ever, ever so much for all your support. It means ever so much to me and the only way I can really express it is to write more fic. :D

Which reminds me - I do take prompts, do you have something in particular you would like me to write? I’ve just come up on my 100th TAG fic on Ao3 and I should celebrate. I don’t think I’ve written you a special fic. Would you like to make a request?

::Hugs you ever so madly and sticks marshmallows down your shirt::

Thank you so much for reading and being so kind and putting up with my crazy.

Nutty

(off the edge, learning to fly, ignoring that damned migraine I had this morning and worshipping the almighty paracetamol)

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tiaragqueen · 6 years ago

Text

Benefit Of The Doubt: Chapter 1

yandere bts masterlist | main masterlist

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[Edited]

“You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. For you, my babe, I'll give my everything. You will always be always be my queen, and I'll love girl. I'll love you endlessly.” - Obsession [Consoul Trainin]

Unknown [07.30 pm]: This is the first time I’ve seen you wearing a dress, and I can’t say that I’m disappointed.

Seen.

Unknown [07.55 pm]: They say that red is a sexy color and they’re right. That color really brings out your beautiful eyes.

Seen.

Unknown [08.15 pm]: I’m so glad I have the chance to see what perfection is. It is a shame that I’m unable to see it from up close.

Seen.

Unknown [08.43 pm]: Nonetheless, the day shall come when you wear that dress for me only.

Seen.

Unknown [11.28 pm]: Those disgusting men were ogling at you. Should I get rid of them all?

Seen.

Unknown [11.33 pm]: Smart girl. I’m happy that you told them off. I wonder what other things can those luscious lips do...

Seen.

Unknown [12.17 am]: Aw... Did those heels hurt your legs, baby? Poor you. Don’t worry, baby, I’ll buy better ones for you. Just name the brand and I’ll have them delivered straight to your house. It doesn’t matter if they’re expensive.

Seen.

Unknown [12.20 am]: Your happiness is more important to me.

Seen.

You’d never seen a more hypocritical text in your entire life. Did they think you were happy being stalked like this? Did they think you were flattered by their attention? Did they think you wanted this?

No, you didn’t. You weren’t some kind of a thirsty attention seeker. But, of course, they were too fucking blind to see the truth.

Then again, what did you expect from a stalker anyway? It wasn’t as if they would just drop everything and leave you alone like any normal, sane person out there. They were delusional. They thought that by showering you with love and attention, then you would be grateful and thus, increasing their chance of ‘wooing’ you.

Like hell.

And how the fuck did they know your address? Sure, you’d never received any type of gift sent here before, but how would you know that they wouldn’t do that sometime in the future?

Or worse, visiting you in person?

Well, that would be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you would see your stalker and possibly recognize them, if you knew them beforehand. It was actually a scary thought, but it was better than having a stranger fell head over heels to you. While you weren’t a true believer in ‘love at first sight’, it wasn’t something so far-fetched in this world. If such a thing didn’t exist, then why would some people write love at first sight stories?

And on the other hand, you wouldn’t know what they would do once they meet you. To actually breathe in the same air as you. There was always a probability of them kidnapping you, or raping you. Or even both. It would be naïve to consider a more mannered way they would ‘greet’ you since they were most likely mental anyway.

At least, that was what you thought.

Sighing, you locked your phone and put it on the nightstand. Maybe you shouldn't have to check those messages in the first place. They were giving you a headache now, and the day hadn’t even started yet.

You ripped the covers from your bare legs and stumbled into the bathroom. Bleary-eyed, you stopped in front of the mirror to inspect your appearance. It was disheveled and had people see the state you were in, they would be convinced you were an escapee from a mental hospital. [h/c] locks jutted out in every direction, reminiscent to Medusa's hair. Makeup smeared over your tired face, and the fake eyelashes weighed down your already drowsy lids. Your breath was smelly, despite not consuming any alcohol last night. The red halter dress that your friends forced you to wear felt constricting, particularly around the chest area.

Was it possible to gain weight overnight?

Shaking your head, you shuffled through your morning routine and took extra care in cleaning the makeup. There were already a few acnes formed on your face, small enough for a powder to hide them well. You weren’t necessarily in the mood to put on another makeup, but you couldn’t risk angering your boss. Sure, he was nice – actually nicer than your last one – yet it didn’t mean you could take advantage of his kindness.

Taeyeon had warned you, during your first day, that Kim Namjoon was rather strict with the rules. An employee once went home with a beet red face after he fired them in front of their co-workers due to some obscure reason. It might be common in the workplace, but the shame wasn’t something that you’d like to experience for the second time. Suffice to say, you strived to avoid his anger by working as hard as you could. This occupation paid you more than your previous job, and you would be damned to let it go.

Breakfast didn’t feel very fulfilling despite it being the same menu you had every day; a peanut buttered sandwich and a glass of hot tea. Although you kept forcing yourself to not overthink and just stay in the present, this stalking occurrence had taken a huge space inside your brain. The cheery chirping of the birds outside became white noise to you like millions of questions muffled your hearing. You were beginning to get frustrated because none of them didn’t make any sense nor did they provide an answer.

Thus, in order to clear your mind, you decided to hail a cab instead. You usually took a train or bus, but today you weren’t too keen on being around people. Their hushed chatters could worsen your already bad mood, therefore a change in scenery might be all you needed.

A beep shattered the peaceful silence that you desired after reading those intrusive messages. Fishing your phone out of your bag, you turned on the device and found that your senior had texted you.

Taeyeon [07.15 am]: Don’t forget my shift, okay? :)

Oh, yes. You forgot about the promise that you’d made to cover her shift because she was feeling under the weather. Why did you agree, anyway?

Right, because you pitied her. It wasn’t like you could say no to her, either. She’d done a lot for you to make sure you were comfortable with your new job. It would be rude if you reject her plea, not to mention unappreciative.

Well, had you knew your stalker would strike again, then you would surely decline.

People were right. You could be too selfless for your own good sometimes.

You [07.17 am]: Yeah, sure. Don’t forget to drink your medicine and eat lots of healthy food.

Taeyeon [07.20 am]: Thx! <3 You’re so considerate, I owe ya!

A small smile graced your once frowning face. Well, maybe being too selfless wasn’t too bad if people could acknowledge and appreciate your assistance. However small it might be. The feeling of being able to help those in need was something indescribable, yet gratifying nonetheless.

“Morning, [Name]!”

A tall man, with a baby face that never failed to make you secretly gushed at its cuteness every time you saw him, waved from his desk. Chanyeol was the second senior who immediately befriended you after Taeyeon. His cheerful yet easy-going aura lowered your guard almost instantly, and you were glad that you met someone like him in such a fast-paced environment. It was hard for you to talk to new people, as you usually chose to analyze the surroundings first so you could get a grasp on the do's and don’ts.

Nodding, you shot him a rather coy smile. “Good morning, Chanyeol-seonbae.”

The said man grinned, satisfied with the more relaxed honorific. He’d told you that ‘ssi’ made him sound older than he actually was – despite the fact that he was a good few years older than you – and insisted on either dropping it or use a more ‘casual’ term like ‘oppa’. You remembered Taeyeon had slapped him with a folder and suggested ‘seonbae’ instead. Her suggestion was appreciated because a much as you wanted to shorten the emotional distance with him, ‘oppa’ was too lax and... intimate for you to use to a senior. Especially to someone you just met.

“Where’s Taeyeon?” he asked. Leaning against your desk, Chanyeol watched you put down your bag and turned on the PC.

“Ill,” you replied as you inserted the password on to the computer. “She texted me two days ago, said that she’s not feeling well. She wanted me to cover her shift.”

“And…?” He raised a brow and tapped his forearm, waiting for your next response.

You shrugged nonchalantly. “I agreed, of course.”

“Aish, you.” Chanyeol reached out to muss your hair, a habit that appeared whenever he was displeased at something you did. However, your fast reflex allowed you to avoid his ‘destroying’ hand. “You’re still new in here, and yet you’re already covering someone’s shift? Talk about workaholic.”

“It’s just a one-time thing, Seonbae.” You didn’t know whether you were defending your bruised ego or Taeyeon. Most likely both. “And I’m not exactly new, either.”

“Of course you are! You’ve been here for, like, six months.”

“That’s still considered long, though…”

“Nope, unless you’ve worked for a year. Less than that, you’re still a newbie.” He grinned playfully as he leaned forward to pinch your cheeks. “My beloved junior~”

You rolled your eyes, secretly basking on his brotherly affection. His teasing attitude was what probably you looked forward the most every day. Well, aside from the gossip and newest rumors Taeyeon always managed to get from other employees both inside and outside your department. You liked to listen to those pieces of presumably false information, although you didn’t care enough to dig further.

“Is that true?” A deep voice inquired, startling you both.

Chanyeol instinctively bowed to Namjoon while you straightened up. Namjoon dismissed him, muttering an order to return his desk. Chanyeol obeyed without another word and left after giving you one last nod. You returned the gesture and averted your gaze to Namjoon who patiently waited for your reply.

“Um... What is true, if I may ask?” you asked, unsure of what he’d questioned.

“About Taeyeon’s absence.”

“O-oh,” you nodded repeatedly to show your understanding. “Yes, that’s true. I… I can show you the message if you want, Sir.”

Namjoon lifted a hand to dismiss your offer. “No need. I just want to confirm it myself since she hasn’t texted me yet.”

Pointy finger drew invisible circles against the grey desk as you subtly avoided his intense stare. “Maybe she forgot. I’m sure she’ll text you… eventually.” you mumbled the last part.

“I sure hope so,” Namjoon closed his eyes and hummed. It was the kind of sound people made to indicate they were thinking about something, and somehow you had a feeling that it wouldn’t be pleasant. “It won’t be good if she loses her job,” he peered through his eyelashes, trying to gauge your reaction from the rhetorical question. “… Right?”

You froze, eyes wide. Did you hear it correctly? Or were your ears playing tricks on you? There was no way he would fire Taeyeon just because she forgot to text him, right? Well, you supposed it was understandable. But still, it was just a simple mistake and besides, the clock hadn’t even strike eight yet. There was simply no need for such a drastic measure.

“Um, uh, I…”

“I’m kidding.” Namjoon suddenly chuckled. You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding, unaware of the mischievous grin he donned. “She actually texted me last night.”

You weren’t sure if you should smile or click your tongue at his – frankly speaking – a cruel joke. However, for the sake of politeness, you chose the former.

“That’s not why I’m here, to be honest.” He cleared his throat, still silently observing you through his peripheral vision. “I have a lunch meeting this afternoon, and I want you to come with me.”

It wasn’t a request, nor was it an invitation. It was an order; one that you had to obey as his employee. Still, it didn’t make it sound any less confusing.

“But… why?”

“Why what?”

You frowned, contemplating over the million reasons as to why he would ask you to come with him instead of his personal assistant. Because, what? You were just an ordinary worker. “You have Lee Chaerin-ssi, Sir. So why-?”

“She’s busy,” he cut you off without batting an eyelash. “Unless you have some objections…?”

“Oh, no, no. Of course not! I, uh…” you tittered, scratching your hair in both nervousness and confusion. “Of course I’d love to come with you, Sir! I was just, um… making sure there’s no mistake. Yeah, that’s it.”

Namjoon blinked slowly, face betraying no emotion whatsoever. You hated that kind of expression, because what if he chewed you out due to your hesitation? Thankfully, he smiled before you could fall into another overthinking state.

“That’s great. I shall come back later.” He reached forward and patted you on the back. “Now, finish your work.”

You nodded, smiling through your discomfort of having his hand lingered a bit too long behind you. “Yes, Sir.”

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

Text

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

#survey #quiz #questions

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espship18 · 5 years ago

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Kpop ship for anotherstank-stark

Happy Saturday everyone! I didn’t expect to get this ship up as soon as I got to, but time came in handy for me for once! This ship is for @anotherstank-stark ! You were fun to ship, so let’s get into it!

Based off of your request, I learned these things about you:

You’re 5′6 with brown hair and heterochromia

You’re a hopeless romantic

Enjoys making people laugh and often laughs at own jokes

Enjoys longboarding

Loves dogs, has a pup named Charlee

You don’t like heights

Tri-lingual and learning a fourth language super impressive and respeKt

Likes science and learning random facts

Also, a music lover (:

And in your request, you asked to be shipped with Got7, NCT, and Seventeen! You sound like a doll, so let’s get into it (:

Got7: Yugyeom

When I think of you and Yugyeom, all I can think of and see are two adorable dorks, which one happens to be tall and the other one is short. Also right off bat, I can see your and Yugyeom’s humor blending well together. With your jokes combined with Yugyeom’s literal long ass limbs flailing everywhere, the perfect recipe is created for a happy and healthy laughing environment. You will also laugh so hard sometimes, that you’ll be on the verge of peeing yourself and you’ll have to excuse yourself. When it comes to who fell for who, I feel like you would fall first for Yugyeom. It wouldn’t take long though for Yugyeom to see how much he was into you, and he would fall head over heels for you soon after. You’re also a very chill couple. Well, at least to the outside world you two are chill. You’re lovable and chill, and always cute. Then behind closed doors, you two are the cutest couple ever and you’re always loving on one another. I don’t know how to word this next part very well, but you and Yugyeom would have good body motion. Like, the way you two would move and interact with each others bodies and it would be extremely satisfying watching you two walk down a street. You’re just so good together visually, you work in unison. And just imagine that one day, you’re scrolling on your YouTube feed and a random video titled, “Y/n and Yugyeom being satisfying for four minutes straight” pops up and the whole video is of you and Yugyeom being sweet and cute at a fountain, and you two would be taking pictures together. Moving right along, I can see that Yugyeom’s boyfriend quirk would be singing to you. It doesn’t matter if it is real singing, lulling you to sleep, or him talking to you in a singing fashion, he would always be singing to you. OMg, imagine if when Yugyeom would express his love to you, he would do so by rapping. Yugyeom is clever as a song writer, so like, he would come up with some clever and VERY sweet ways to tell you ‘I love you’. Then it would be even cuter if you picked up on the ‘I love you’ rapping and you would have a little tradition of rapping your love for one another. Yugyeom would also love it a lot if you talked about science to him. Then if you would pull your hair up to get it out of the way as you explained a question to him, Yugy would look at you with such admiration. Date nights are chill and sweet! It’s all about quality time with each other and a collection of your favorite things. And he pays every time- no budging him on that. Then lastly, PDA wise, he would like to keep you close at all times so he could keep an eye on you.

NCT: Jaemin

Next up, we have this little cutie, and together we have two cuties who are hopelessly in love with each other. I’ll say it up front, Jaemin would give you the world. Jaemin would fall first, no issues with confirming that point, lol. And then after you and Jaemin would be an item for like three months, you would be telling your friend how much Jaemin does for you and luckily your friend would be like ‘YO, HE’S PERFECT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!’ And you’d be like ‘oh..holy heckles you’re right!’ Then you would just blossom from there (: You two would spend SOOOO much time together. Since Jaemin would have to work a lot, I can see you spending a lot of time in the studio with Jaemin while he works. And to be honest, I can even see you staying there with Jae in your spare time. Of course you know when to sit still, but with Jae around, you won't be sitting still for long. You would highkey overall love the atmosphere because you get to be surrounded by music almost all day long, and you do more than just hang out and look pretty. Jaemin would always want you to dance with him, whether it’s in the serious dancing form or being goofy in the practice room, your feet are gonna move. And I think it would be cute to add that sometimes you would get stolen from Jaemin. Every now and then, Renjun or Chenle would steal you to dance, and the only way that Jaemin could get you back is by a dance off. Sometimes Jae would win and sometimes he wouldn’t, and you would spend so much time dancing with Chenle, you two would become buddies. Okay, we’re gonna move on to a topic I’m cackling over. Okay. Jaemin-long boarding-in the dorm. Crack head Jaemin decides he wants to learn how to long board in the dorm, and as long as he’s safe, you’re down. So Jae can stay safe, you will literally steal every pillow and blanket you can find in the dorm and make a fort type of barrier to protect Jaemin, and you would even tape the pillows to Jae’s body. Thank god for helmets and pillows though, because Jaemin would most definitely fall and the helmet/pillow combo would save that poor boys skull. It was still fun though! Jaemin is more than happy to get on his hoverboard and let you pull him around, lol. You two are also little pranksters with one another. Your pranks would be innocent such as scaring each other, and you would only prank each other. Lastly, PDA wise, Jaemin would be so needy for you! He would love the snuggles and hugs from you, and he would whine often if he felt like he wasn’t getting enough love. I also think it would be cute if he gave you lots of forehead kisses. (:

Seventeen: Joshua

And last but not least, your angel man. Joshua is such a gentleman that you two would have the good, old fashion type of relationship. Such as, Joshua picking you up for dates, him getting you flowers, him giving you his jacket- ugh, I’m jealous for what you’re about to get, hehe. When you two would meet, the stars would align perfectly and you two would just click instantly. I honestly can’t decide who would fall for each other first, but you two would be so smitten for each other. And of course, since Joshua is such a sweetheart, he would always give you 110% of effort to treat you like the queen you are- such as doing everything in his power to keep you happy. I think this would be sweet, and because I am dying to add Charlee in here, but a major way that you would know that Joshua would be the one is that the fact Charlee would L O V E Joshua! Not long after the two would meet, Charlee would get Joshua’s scent, and before you know it, the two cutie pies are playing in the floor and Charlee is licking Joshua all over! Holy smokes, imagine walking Charlee with Joshua! Picture this, you two are walking on the sidewalk, you have Joshua’s jacket on because it’s chilly, you have one hand intertwined with Joshua’s, and Joshua’s free hand is on Charlee’s leash. I love the imagine so much, we’re gonna further this image as to if you and Charlee traveled with Joshua while he would be working. The vibes and the sweet adventures you three would have together would be absolutely adorable! Carat’s would lose their shits in the best way possible, I know I would. And then omg, it would be even cuter if you two were little trivia nerds to each other! You two would be a couple where you would say ‘you wanna hear a fun fact?’ And Joshua would reply with ‘do YOU wanna hear a fun fact?’ Then you would say, ‘dO YoU wAnnA HeAR a jOkE?’ You two would do this all the time, and you would be laughing you butts off by the end of it every single time. Date night is so romantic omg! It would be Joshua’s specialty, and expect to be spoiled like a princess and be showered with flowers, and love, and you would be treated with such respect. Joshua Hong is the biggest gentleman ever and bro, you are so lucky to have him! Lastly, PDA. Very sweet and soft! Tender hand holding and knuckle kisses. Joshua would almost never let go of you if he would get you in his arms, and sometimes he would go as far as to walking with you WHILE STILL hugging you, and you can’t help but smile and give him an extra kiss..or two. (:

As soon as I saw you are a hopeless romantic, the inspiration wall cracked and I caved in~ I had so much fun shipping you, and I hoped you enjoyed! <3

~STA

#anotherstank-stark x idol ship #kpop #kpop writing #kpop ships #kpop ship blog #shipping blog #kpop reactions #got7 #NCT #Seventeen #got7 ships #nct ships #seventeen ships #yugyeom #jaemin #joshua

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vnshkk · 6 years ago

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DIR EN GREY 「2018.11.27」The insulated world talk event - Kyo [Part 2]

Hello I am back with part 2 of the transcript.

K- I don’t want to keep taking shots at this one person. But I’m sure you’re aware there is this particular person who has a tendency to do cosplay a lot. That's the kind of stuff I’m talking about. I didn’t need to know about that. Ever. (Laughing)

Transcript credit goes to @dirphys6011 on twitter

M- Is there anything mysterious about Toshiya-san

K- To be honest, not that I’ve seen. I can’t say we really talk much. Unlike with some members who you end up seeing something even if you don’t want to. (laughing)

(Audience laughs)

K- He made the chorus very unique. Actually, I originally wanted everyone to sing the chorus. But when it came down to it everyone was like “Which one of us is gonna sing it?” I was like No, no, no that’s not what I meant at all. (laughing)

(Audience laughs)

K- Like at lives only one person sings and the fans have particular points where they sing to right? It made it like that which isn’t what I wanted at all. (Laughing)

M- Next lets hear a little about Die-san.

K- I’d say Die-kun is probably the one I speak to the most.

M- He has an image of being quite the drinker however he recently gave up drinking. Kyo-san are you much of a drinker?

K- I wouldn’t exactly call myself a drinker but recently I’m really into smoking shisha. My favourite thing to do these days is to put on a film and have one glass of sweet alcohol whilst smoking shisha.

M- You used to smoke cigarettes before, are you completely off those?

K- Yeah I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore. The smell sticks to your clothes and leaves a horrible taste in your mouth. It’s a no go for me.

M- Same for cigars and such?

K- Yeah.

M- No more cigarettes or cigars and Die-san quit drinking.

K- I hope everyone can be healthy.

M- Die-san has certainly changed a lot compared to back then hasn’t he? Back in the days he had short hair that gave him this really manly image but he’s got this luscious, shiny hair. (laughing)

K- It's very bewitching isn’t it. I think he’d suit purple clothes.

(Audience laughs)

M- How about Kaoru-san? Recently it seems like his hair colours are enough to rival yours

K- This might be a bit odd to say, but I actually much preferred it when he had his black permed hair and wore no make up. Recently it’s…kinda too unlike him? Like he’s reliving his youth or something? (Laughing)

(Audience Laughs)

K- I wonder if something happened to him? (Laughing)

M- He’s got an exhibition coming up soon, it seems like he’s very busy with various things too.

K- Everyone please go check it out. I found out about the exhibition pretty much at the same time as the fans did. I was like “Wow I didn’t know he could draw like this” It was very refreshing in a good way.

M- Right, if you think just because you’ve spent all this time talking about the 4 members you turn won’t come then you are very much mistaken. (Laughing)

K- Honestly, there’s really no need to talk about me. (awkward laugh)

M- So, you’ve been overseas many times now. Do you feel as if it's changed the way you see things or affected you in some kind of way?

K- Not remotely. Even since the first time I went it’s been like this but, whenever it’s time to go all I can think is “I don’t want to go”

M- What is it that you dislike so much?

K- The people are massive, the toilets don’t have seats, some of them don’t even have doors….

M- I suppose it would be difficult to get used to an environment like that. But saying you don’t want to go..

K- Everyone wants me to go.

(Audience laughs)

M- Although recently the amount of overseas people coming to see Dir en grey has been increasing hasn’t it?

M- Getting to London was a bit of a mission wasn’t it? Having to take the Bus across on the ferry, plus the amount of time traveling. I bet you couldn’t sleep at all?

K- I mean, I spent the whole time inside the bus. Everyone else went outside.

M- Didn’t interest you at all?

K- Nope. Plus it was cold.

(Audience laughs)

M- What did you eat for lunch today?

K- Mcdonald’s.

M- Are you serious?! (Laughing)

K- Yeah, they got this new thing where there’s load of nuggets. I had that.

M- By the way, what will you be having for dinner today?

K- Ive ordered a pizza to be delivered to the green room.

M- This all has a very American food vibe to it (laughing)

M - I know you’re not really a reckless person but what’s the drive behind creating so many new projects one after another?

K- I suppose it’s a sense of not wanting to become luke warm. Back in the day it felt more as if we had to just keep putting stuff out indefinitely, even if at times we didn’t particularly want to. But looking back, I feel that because of that a lot of new stuff came into fruition. Maybe some people just want to seem like they’re this big influential figure but that’s not why I do it. That doesn’t apply to all the members though. Especially who we were on about earlier…(Shinya)

(Audience laughs)

K- I think it’s better not to become as wishy-washy as he is.

M- Is there any particular way of thinking you would say helps bandmen not to become so wishy-washy?

K- I’d say just don’t reveal so much. Theres another side to all the members. Although, sometimes you end up seeing it even if you don’t want to.

(Audience bursts into laugher)

M- Ok, well how about if someone said to you tomorrow you have to cosplay, What would you cosplay as?

K- Melon bread.

(Audience laughing)

M- Do you love it that much? (Laughing)

K- I do.

M- What does 2019 hold for DIR EN GREY?

K- I want to release a triple CD album. But…I dunno..it’s probably not possible.

M- I suppose it’s not really possible to release a collection of work like that right away is it?

K- No it's not. You have to start from scratch.

M- Although clearly the feeling and drive to put out 3 CDs worth of songs is there. (Laughing) I’m sure with that in mind something will come from it.

K- You’re going to mention this to the other members aren’t you? Make sure you tell them what you just said to me when you do.

(Audience laughs)

M- If a 3 CD album is too difficult what about a 3 CD single? (Laughing)

Well it appears that the end of our time today has unfortunately come. Everyone, did you enjoy yourself today?

(Big applause from the audience)

K- I'm happy to hear that.

(Audience laughs)

M- Everyone, let's have one last big round of applause for Kyo-san!

#Kyo #dir en grey #direngrey #translate #the insulated world #interview

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lilcutieana · 6 years ago

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SAFE HAVEN 5 ( Hybrid Baby Bangtan/ ot7 )

Words: 4.3K Genre: Hybrid! BTS AU Rating: PG-13 Summary: Birthdays and Celebrations. The september babies deserve the world <3

Safe Haven ~ || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

═══════ ⋆★⋆ ════════

I’d spent most of life in silence. Neither pleasant nor comfortable. I used to be pretty sure they never existed until a few months back when I decided to adopt the seven hybrid kids who’d changed my life for the better. I used to think the world was a dark place and I just had to survive somehow until the inevitable happened— my death. Yes, I used to be pretty morbid and cynical. Sue me.

But now? I tried my best not to be. Because I knew how tiring it was to be and how it affected my life negatively. I’d lost contact with my parents, and honestly? I didn’t bother contacting them. Were they worth it? Yes. They were. But I wasn’t. Not until I got my shit together—somewhat.

Silence used to choke me up at night, or day, or during storms—when the silence became too loud to bear. It terrified me, but also comforted me at times. I liked being alone, I liked to not be bothered with. It gave me a sense of freedom.

But now? With a house full of kids?

Silence meant something was horribly suspicious or horribly wrong. The house was always lively, someone or the other talking, playing, reading or just even the sound of their tails whipping against something. But complete silence? Meant they had got into some kind of trouble.

Closing my eyes, I counted to ten, trying not to react in a bad way if something did happen. I’d had enough to deal with all day, anyway. From getting the felines vaccinated to dealing with a whole new wardrobe for Jungkook—the boy was growing too fast out of his own clothes—which was a good thing, but not so good for my bank balance and then I had to face the music when the legal agents called explaining how—I, wasn’t an appropriate guardian—me.

So what?

I was trying my best to be here. Sure, the kids couldn’t have the appropriate environment to live—the ideal utopia—but was it ever possible except maybe in theories? Every household has problems, and, I was quite sure—the alternative wouldn’t be as fun for them either.

Wish I could say all that to their face when they called, but unfortunately, all I could do was mutter—I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better—and hung up. And right now—I was seething inside, trying not to throw things against the wall.

I was hurt.

How could someone just assume my home isn’t a place to have kids when I try my best to stay with them, accommodate to their needs and teach them how to stay together and solve things together instead of making differences and learning prejudices? They chose me. I never forced them. Then why?

I was confused.

And I didn’t like feeling this way. The way my throat clogged up every time I tried to find ways to explain how I was the best choice. But was I really? To seven children? I didn’t even earn enough. School, college, medicine, grooming—raising one child takes a toll on people, and I had taken up seven. All on my own—without any help.

I wasn’t regretting anything. I knew we could make everything work out. But, wouldn’t that be unfair to them? The more I thought about it—the more rational they sounded. And I hated it. I hated feeling this way.

I was startled out of my cleaning spree when a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders as I was sitting on the floor. Everything I’d been trying to hold back, rushed in all at once. The anger, the hurt, the frustration, and the helplessness. Choking back a sob, I turned around and held onto his shirt and he held me tighter.

I could tell just from his height and scent, he was Jin. The eldest and the most sensitive of all. He must have sensed my distress and came to check up on me. I failed even in trying not to show that I was weak and incapable. I truly am not worth enough.

Clutching on tighter to him, I tried so hard not to cry out loud, but the tears just wouldn’t stop flowing. I let my tears be soaked onto his shirt, and -- bless his soul, he never once complained-- all the while holding onto me and patting my back –albeit awkwardly.

“Y/N, we love you. You know that right?” He whispered by my ear and I laughed out loud. Never had I imagined him to say those words first thing while trying to comfort me.

Not his usual— ‘don’t cry’, ‘don’t be sad’. No.

Instead, he chose to tell me he loved me. Remind me again why we were together.

And of course, not because it was the one thing I needed to hear, no. I was right to assume something must have happened, and this was his way to apologize. I wonder how he became the scapegoat this time. Not much to wonder, he was bad at the rock, paper, scissors. The young ones knew just how to get their eldest to lose.

And yet, while I knew why he said that, my heart did a little dance inside. That’s right. Why was doubting myself in the first place? We loved each other. We cared for each other. We’d rather be miserable together than to prosper alone.

Wiping my eyes, I sniffed. “I love you too. So much.” Kissing his crown, I smiled when he cringed and scrunched up his nose. His tail spiked and ears pulled back. He never liked being treated like a kid. Though, along with Jimin, he most certainly loved being praised.

“Um… you see.” He started, scratching his neck, “We found your albums, and Jimin now wants one for all of us. To make new memories.”

“That’s a good idea! We have been taking so many pictures, I’ll print them out soon.” I smiled back at him. It really was a good idea to have some printed. Maybe I’ll decorate the living room with a huge poster of all of us together too.

“That’s not everything.” Jin frowned, biting his lips and swaying on the balls of his feet. “We tried looking for more albums, and Hobi found our medical reports.”

“Oh? What about them?” I asked tentatively. This wasn’t going to be good, was it? He screwed his eyes shut and opened them again, this time with a smile.

“All of them said--we were growing healthy. Thank you.” Heaving a sigh, I picked up the duster from the floor and got up on my feet again. Wobbling a bit, I held onto his shoulders to stand straight, my legs dead from sitting on them too long.

“Just that?” I asked then, suspicious. He wouldn’t have looked so nervous earlier just to mention a good news. Shaking his head, shoulders slumped in defeat, he looked back up at me with doe eyes.

“Jungkook and Namjoon’s birthdays are close. We were hoping to do something special. But you’re sad and angry and I don’t want you to feel bad for forgetting.”

Oh. It had really slipped my mind.

“Actually, you’re amazing, Jin!” I ruffled his hair and he averted his eyes, his human ears flushing a bright pink. “It’s Jungkook’s birthday tomorrow and Namjoon’s should be two weeks later.” Musing aloud, I leaned against the couch. “Do they know?”

Jin nodded, biting his lips. “Do I get a cake then? A strawberry one?” Jungkook whisper shouted from the door and immediately got shushed by the others. Jin sighed with his eyes closed, slapping his forehead.

“I forgot they followed me,” He looked up at me, his eyes wide-set and watery.

Oh.

They all saw me break down a few minutes before. I just hope they didn’t think they were the reason behind it. It was just me being weak. “It’s okay. We don’t keep secrets.”

“Yes, Jungkook!” I spoke a little louder, looking at their shadows hunched behind the door, “We will bake cakes and go for camping.”

And the silence was gone.

The whole house erupted in loud cheers, lively and happy once again. My heart was at ease, for now.

“Noona! Guess what?” Yoongi came bounding towards me, his ears perked up and eyes glowing. He must have found something really cute. Being very observant and quiet, he almost never spoke louder than any of us, and for him to scream like this, only meant two things— either he found something cute or something he wants to do.

“You found a cute squirrel by the window?” I asked, with both my hands balled under my chin, while I sat beside Jin. The other boys following close behind.

Shaking his head, he walked towards me and I looked at him confused. Usually, he never cuddled me unless it was bedtime. Guess it was too exciting to share from far away. Holding your wrists in his tiny hands, he gently removes them from under my chin and places them beside my lap, his very next target being my knees as they’re pulled apart making space for him on my lap.

Plopping down, he gets up again as he sat on his tail and maneuvers it around me, wrapping it halfway around my waist, he hums in approval. Leaning back, he smiles at me mischievously—two of his lower canines missing—he is the epitome of adorable. But I won’t admit to that—because then it will become a competition.

“I was napping before they woke me.” Glaring at Hoseok, he turned back to me, again with a bright smile. Weird. Yoongi loved his sleep. If any of them woke him—he shouldn’t be happy. Instead—he’d be grumpy and pouty.

“You want to sleep some more?” I asked tentatively, hoping it doesn’t offend him.

“No, Y/N. I had a beautiful dream! I was a rapper, you know?” He asked, shaking my forearm.

“Really? Was I there?”

“Yes! And everyone was there! Jin hyung sang so beautifully too. We all sang and danced and performed in this…” Opening his hands as far as they could reach, he looked at everyone in the eye, “Huge stadium, the crowds were screaming our names and dancing, and noona was on stage too. Cheering us from behind. And it was so… beautiful.” He finished, his eyes on the ceiling as if he was still reeling from the performance and the crowd.

I would be too. If I had a dream like that. Where I’m doing what I love. He liked singing, he liked the piano, and he also liked rapping along to artists on TV. I didn’t know he dreamt of performing live. If that was what he wanted… then that was what I’ll try to make happen.

“Really? What did I do?” Namjoon asked intrigued. “I’m good at memorizing. Must be related.”

“I think you were our team leader. You rapped so well…” Yoongi’s ears perked over his head just thinking about it. I was proud of them, all of them. Even if they didn’t know what they wanted to be—they weren’t afraid to try out new things.

“Me? Rap?” Namjoon asked confused, his head tilted sideways. “I do write poems though…” Just as he spoke aloud, his eyes widened and his ears went flat on top of his head. Immediately he covered his lips with both hands and looked at everyone looking back at him equally shocked. Well, he was always reading and writing things. It was fairly possible for him to actually write some creative things.

“That’s wonderful! Let me know if you need me to help with something.” I told him confidently, scratching along Yoongi’s ears. They were just so soft, and silky.

“So…. Anything else you remember from the dream?” I asked Yoongi, only to see him sound asleep once again on my lap—purring softly. Smiling to myself, I leaned back a bit, my back supported by the living room couch, making it more comfortable for him to sleep, resting his head on my chest. I had noticed, the boys liked to either listen to my heartbeat or sniff around my neck and wrists. It made them feel secure and happy. And, who was I to stop them, it made me double as happy knowing I was a source of comfort for them.

“About the birthdays— “I started, looking at everyone.” Come closer, I don’t want to speak too loud.” Patting the space beside me, I waited for them to form a circle around me.

“Did you have any plans besides the cake?” I whispered, knowing all too well they could hear me loud and clear. Yoongi’s ears twitched under my chin and I immediately pulled my face away from him.

“Games!” Jungkook and Taehyung said at the same time, “Jinx!” Taehyung said next, making Jungkook scrunch his nose in confusion as the tiger pinched his shoulder right after.

“Racing games” Hoseok whisper-shouted, his eyes large and excited. “I saw people play outside this shop. It goes vroom, vroom…” He started making engine noises with his lips and I busted out laughing. He was just too adorable.

Yoongi jumped in my arms groaning. “What happened, again?” His voice somehow sounded deeper, and scratchy, his pupils blown wide and eyes swollen.

“I’m sorry, Seokie, TaeTae, Gukkie want to go to the arcade. Go sleep, I’ll wake you later for dinner, okay?” Nodding, he stood up, rubbing his left eye with his tiny fist. Bending down, he kissed my nose and with a little smile on his lips, walked to the stairs—leaving us all shocked.

“Well, seems hyung is growing up.” Jin mused from beside me, and I glared right back at him.

“He’s just happy today.” Biting my lips, I looked back at Jungkook, “Probably.”

“I want to go arcade too!” Jimin exclaimed, looking at Namjoon for confirmation.

“Sure” Both Joon and Jin replied, chuckling.

“What about you, Joonie? Your birthday is on Wednesday.” I asked, mentally counting the days. It was….right?

“I don’t like sour things or seafood.” He scrunched his nose up, his tail thumping behind him like a drum. “I want to go back to the woods. Roam around, feel the fresh air—I miss living in nature.” He lamented looking at his fingers on his lap.

He then realized where he was speaking, and looked up suddenly, his mouth half open, tail completely still, “I don’t mean we…”

“It’s okay Joonie, I need you all, to be honest with me, and each-other” I cut him off, smiling warmly and he nodded, his tail regaining its regular thumping—just faster. “So, how do you all feel about camping out in the woods? There should be a meteor shower around then too.”

“Oh my God!” Namjoon exclaimed and stood up, holding onto his head with his jaw unhinged and eyes bulging out. “Really? Can we? Is it okay?”

As I nodded back, he screamed and ran towards me, tackling me onto the ground. “Y/N I don’t…” chocking up, he buried his face into my neck, breathing in and sniffled. “How can I ever repay you?”

Brushing his hair, I patted his head as he kept clinging onto me. “It’s okay, as long as you’re all happy, you’ve repaid me a thousand times over than what I can ever do for you.”

“Metor showah?” Jungkook asked right after, making everyone laugh at his innocence,“Do we wash the car?” making everyone laugh at his innocence.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Standing right outside the mart, hands full of bags of different sizes and shapes, I stared at the list we all compiled in a hurry. A total hundred and fifty items—that wasn’t the goal, but it just turned out that way.

Jungkook had wanted to invite his tutor and so did Namjoon. Somehow, they’d bonded over the summer and with school starting soon—they’d wanted to spend their first birthday with the people the really admired. Along with a few kids they’d made friends with while living by themselves.

I’d invited a few of them—hoping they’d all get along in the little birthday party I’d set up.

“Noona, we forgot candles!” The tiger screeches, mentally counting important things. And, I realized, indeed—we had forgotten the little candles. All eleven of them—four for Jungkook and seven for Namjoon. How could I forget the most basic of things?

“Wait here. All of you. I’ll go get them real quick” Dropping the bags on the ground, I picked my handbag out of the mess and sprinted across the parking lot back into the mart entrance.

All packed, and buckled, I started driving back home. “Boys, do you think we forgot something?” I asked again—there was this nagging feeling in my heart that something was missing. Well, we can do without a few things in life. Not everything had to be perfect. Some things—were better heartfelt.

“Nope!” Yoongi exclaimed from the back, counting the white cars on the road.

“Aren’t we getting them presents?” Jin asked, his head resting on his palm supported at the window. And there it was—the thing I’d overlooked.

“We’d win them at the arcade tomorrow. How about it?” I asked, without looking back at them. Even though the traffic was the bare minimum, I didn’t want to take the risk.

“Sure. I’m good at winning.” Hoseok declared, his voice sounding proud and happy.

“About the cake. I think we have a lot of cake mix. Should we make more than one—since we have guests now too.”

“Yeah!” They all chorused together in perfect sync. When it came to food and games—the boys always had full energy. But when it came to cleaning—they looked at everyone else for help.

“Okay. How about I bake seven cupcakes and a big cake. And decorate the cake for cutting it in the evening and we all decorate a cupcake each? That could also be our little present to the boys. And handmade greeting cards?” I asked, the ideas streaming into my mind one after another.

I did buy them plenty of art supplies last month—surely they could make as much. Of course, I’d help in the process too. Not to mention it would keep them busy as I decorated the house.

I’d also reconciled with Somin last week, and she was invited. She did want to help the boys—her intentions were good – just her approach wasn’t. I knew that, and yet, seeing the boys—I just couldn’t help my protective instinct and immediately took offense.

But I was really happy that she accepted my apology and now even though we weren’t the best of friends—we somehow were working towards building our bond back up again. And that was okay. As long as we both tried our best.

As long as she respected my family—the boys—who were the most precious to me.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Waking up at four in the morning, wasn’t a good feeling. At all. I felt groggy and wanted to just go back to sleep and cuddle and the boys. Instead, I gave up the magnetic pull and made it to the shower, another pair of feet following me.

Whoever it was, needed to wait to pee—cause I needed to wake up and fast. The day was going to be a busy one. First off—breakfast in bed, a trip to the arcade, stopping by at their favorite coffee shop and coming back home to prepare for the party in the evening.

Oh…and bills. So many bills. It was the first of the month—and I liked them paid early—before I forgot and things got taken away. It did happen once before and surviving without water and electricity wasn’t a good experience. I swore I’d never go through it, ever again.

As I got out of the shower half an hour later—with just the robe and a towel wrapped around my head like a sheep, I looked around the hallway suspiciously.

I was pretty sure someone followed behind me. Then why did nobody knock?

The cakes….

We baked cakes and cupcakes last night and I didn’t allow them to taste the frosting or sprinkles one bit. A sugar high was not something I was looking forward to right before bed. It made the boys too energetic and a giggly mess.

Tiptoeing to the kitchen, I saw the lights on and internally rolled my eyes. If it was anyone other than Jungkook, they were really in for a major punishment.

“Oh! Noona.” Taehyung exclaimed loudly from the entrance, where he was keeping an eye on. “You showered so late—we got hungry and came here.”

“Who are you hiding?” I asked glaring at his sheepish figure, blushing a bright pink and chubby cheeks smiling bashfully. His eyes bulged out, tail swishing behind him slowly as he tried escaping from the situation.

“Oh! We weren’t hiding, Noona.” Jimin came from behind, a clear patch of icing on his left cheek and plump lips red with strawberry juice, holding onto Jungkook’s hand who was busy licking his fingers clean from frosting and rainbow sprinkles.

Sighing, I gave up on their punishment. They were just too cute together. I’ll just have them do more chores instead.

“Fine, fine. I’ll take your word for it.” I nodded, with my arms crossed over my chest. “Come to help me make breakfast then.”

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

“Seokie, bring two more sprite bottles for the lemonade here, please.” I called out to Hoseok as I stirred the half empty lemonade bowl.

“Right away, Y/N” He called out and ran, zig-zagging between his other friends he knew from before.

“Quick! Take it… it’s cold” Jin whisper shouted right behind me, making me drop the ladle onto the bowl in surprise. Turning around, I took the ice trays from his hands and watched amused as he shook them to warm them up. Dropping the ice into the bowl, I set aside the trays.

“Here,” Holding onto his palms, I brought them to my cheeks, effectively waking myself up and warming his hands at the same time. Wow… it felt so good.

Giggling, he leaned down and pecked my eye lids, smiling down on me. “You’re looking so pretty today, Y/N”

“Thank you.” Letting go of his hands, I brushed my fringe back and looked around the room at Jungkook and Jimin who were chasing each other wearing their party hats.

“They’re all so happy.” Jin whispered, looking at the kids fondly.

“They really are, and so am I.” Getting up, I looked back at him. “Don’t drink too much, you’ll have to pee frequently then.”

Laughing out loud, he pointed at Taehyung who was already skipping near the closed bathroom door, clutching at his groin. Poor boy.

Shrugging, I went to the kitchen to bring out the cakes. It was time. Everyone was here, playing games, having the time of their lives—but the boys were tired. And they needed to sleep early as school would start for Yoongi, Jin, Hoseok and Namjoon. The rest would start next year.

The morning was absolutely chaotic. We were being so loud and competitive—won so many things at the arcade, that we were finally kicked out. Though, admittedly, I don’t regret it one bit. It was so much fun. Then I got us nerf guns and chased the boys all around the park until the Sun was high up in the sky.

While hiding, Yoongi made friends with some stray cats and Jungkook was mesmerized by the many butterflies that hovered over the flowers.

Namjoon was curious about bubbles and I got us those huge hoops and a tub. We spent most of the afternoon making huge bubbles and popping them. It was a fun day.

Taehyung and Jimin took so many photos—that I’d lost count by now. They’d always sneak in pictures of me while taking pictures of the boys or their surroundings. I’d have to get them all printed and set neatly in an album. Jungkook’s Fourth Birthday.

And now, here we were—a full day eating and playing outside later. All exhausted, yet happiest we’ve ever been. Decorating the whole house and entertaining the guests.

“Let me help you carry the large cake.” Namjoon came in, looking all cute and handsome with the black and red jacket over white shirt and black jeans, hair slicked back and dimples out.

“Sure. Thanks, Joonie.” Holding onto one side and him supporting the other, we walked back sideways to the living room. Everyone was so quiet with the lights dimmed as they waited for the carrot cake in the shape of a heart. Don’t ask. It was Jungkook’s request last evening.