#i’m quite frankly just happy to see him exist again

[sanemistar]

STILL LOVE YOU

contents ★ satoru x fem!reader, angst to fluff, exes to lovers, 1k+ wc. ﾉ requested for my milestone event. synopsis ★ what will you do if your ex shows up unprompted in the middle of the night asking your for a second chance?

event m.list ★ jjk m.list

it was quite late at night, probably a little past midnight when you heard a knock on the door of your apartment. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, you weren’t expecting any visits especially when it was this late at night. hesitant, you carefully walked up and slowly opened the door.

the moment the door was opened, you were instantly greeted with the sight of satoru, your ex boyfriend of all people, whom showed up at your door unprompted in the middle of the night. you hadn’t seen him since the breakup, so seeing him again after all that time had shaken you quite hard. past memories of when you and him were so happy and madly in love with one another floated in your mind as you reminisced about all the happy times you had spent together with him for some time.

it was at that moment when you couldn’t believe how fragile you were. like just when you thought you had already moved on and completely forgotten about him as if he had never existed, you’d been reminded of satoru yet again and the fact that you had only been pretending to be indifferent about him when in reality you still had feelings for him.

you took a look at his face, it was still the same as ever. yet, something felt off. he wasn’t smirking or grinning, he wasn’t making any playful faces. his face was blank, pale and dull. heavy dark circles were seen underneath his blue eyes and his white hair was quite disheveled. frankly, his appearance concerned you. it was your first time seeing satoru in this state, you had no idea he could look that miserable.

“what brings you here, gojo?” you sternly asked, trying your best to control your emotions and not let yourself slip up. addressing him as if he were a complete stranger to you.

satoru, who still had lingering feelings for you, who still couldn’t accept the fact that you were no longer his. had no idea as to why he showed up at your door, especially that late in the night. his body acted on its own and his feet just naturally led him to your apartment, a place where was once so familiar to him that it felt like his own home.

but deep down, he knew that he only came here because he missed you, and he wanted to see your beautiful face once again in person.

“cuz baby i…. i miss you.” he stammered as he spoke, his voice cracked as if he was trying to hold himself from crying. you felt a knot in your stomach the moment you heard him call you baby.

“i don’t think we’re in a relationship that allows you to call me that, gojo.” you emphasized on his last name, reminding him of the fact that you were no longer in a relationship.

“look, if you have nothing important to say i’m done with this conversation.” if you were to tell your past self that there’d be a day when you would talk to your beloved toru like that, she would never believe you. honestly, even you were surprised by how cruelly you sounded at that moment, but a part of you thought he deserved it for causing you pain and heartbreak the day he called it quits with you.

you were right about to slam the door shut when he put his hand on it, stopping you from doing so.

“i know i haven’t treated you right the first time and i absolutely regret it.. i’m so sorry it took me so long to realize that, but if you give me a second chance, i promise i’ll treat you right this time around.” you’d never heard satoru say he regretted something he did before, so you were quite taken aback by his statement.

he was fully aware that you were too good for him and he didn’t deserve you. after all, he had once failed to give you the love that you truly deserved.

“please baby… please come back to me..” you couldn’t believe that the satoru gojo, the most arrogant and cocky man who flaunted his powers and strength at any given chance, was right here at your door, looking at you with such a sorrowful expression on his face while desperately begging you to forgive him and allow him to be with you once more.

the part of you that still loved him, the one part of you that you’d been desperately trying to suppress, had begun to overtake you as thoughts of giving satoru a second chance began circulating in your head.

“you know what i really hate right now?” satoru fell silent as you questioned.

“i hate how i still love you.” you paused momentarily before uttering. “i still love you, toru.” you decided to put your faith in satoru once more. it was hard to admit, but it was a given fact that you still loved him despite everything that happened.

he blinked profusely, still trying to process the words he had just heard, not only did you call him by the nickname you’d given him, but also you told him you still loved him. his feelings were mutual. after all, he had never stopped loving you to begin with.

not being able to resist and hold himself back any longer, his body moved on its own yet again and he instantly ran to you as he tightly held you in his arms. he held you so tight for dear life yet at the same time his touch was so soft and gentle, full of warmth and genuine love.

“i love you too, my baby. thank you for giving me another chance to be with you. this time, i promise i’ll never make you sad.” he cried against your ears as you buried your face in his chest and began crying as well. you deeply inhaled the smell of his cologne, the same unforgettable, sweet smell that you had terribly missed.

𝜗𝜚 taglist: @unriding @lxnarphase @sylusdoll @itachiiwrites @itoshivy @17020 @luv-lies @suguru-getos @kasukuna

[neteyamssock]

🧸ྀི 𝓲 𝓱𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾

ྀི 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚: neteyam x fem!metkayina!reader

ྀི 𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬: neteyam wants to know why you dislike him so much.

ྀི 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗗 𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧: 2k

ྀི 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗦: misunderstanding, sfw, miscommunication, etc.

➻ a/n: wrote this while eating breakfast and its unedited. i hate it lmao.

text divider credits to @/cafekitsune

MASTERLIST

“She's so loud, does she think everyone is deaf?”

Neteyam watches you kick Ao’nung as you whine about your stolen prey, going as far as throwing stones into his direction. Frankly speaking, Neteyam finds you extremely immature and childish, even more so than Tuk.

Lo’ak snickered on his side, tossing a piece of shattered shell in the water and watched it disappear. “You’re the only one that kept complaining about her, bro. People here don't seem to mind.”

Neteyam sneered, picking up a shell beside and observing it as he spoke. “I’m sure they're just putting up with her because they cannot get rid of her.”

Lo’ak looked at his brother with amusement. Neteyam’s one sided beef with you is something none of the family expected, but he finds it interesting to see how his brother crumbles into self doubt when someone finally doesn't look at him like a god. “you’re just saying that because she doesn't like you like everybody else. you’re not used to being disregarded.”

He said it in a joking tone, but it only fanned the flames inside Neteyam. That is in fact one of the reasons why he came to dislike you very much aside from the fact that you're polar opposites. It was because right from the start, you never once showed any cordiality with him.

When the Sullys came into awa’atlu, as Tsireya and Ao’nung’s paternal cousin, you also tagged along in helping them learn the way of the water. At first, Neteyam finds you extremely interesting, like a breath of fresh air, but as time goes by and your treatment of him never changes, he also begins to resent you for it.

He’s not used to it. Just like Lo’ak said. All his life, he had done everything to please his family and the Omatikaya People, and even when they came to Awa’atlu, he had done his best in making everyone like him.

You're just one tough rock that he cannot crack no matter what he does. Smiles don't cut it. Fishes don't do it either. Pretty shells collected are a lot more mediocre than yours. He totally cannot figure you out. You seem to dislike him very much, going as far as pretending he doesn't exist. He was unprepared for it, a total disregard from someone he wanted to be close to from the very start.

“If I were you bro? I would talk to her about it and clear shit up rather than sulking everyday.” Lo’ak patted Neteyam’s shoulder as he stood up, ready to meet Tsireya half way as she walked back to the shore.

“what is there to talk about anyway?” Neteyam grumbled to himself, flicking the shells away in annoyance. Lo’ak just shrugged and walked away, totally enjoying seeing his perfect brother in dilemma.

The oldest sully once again looked at you as you play with Tuk and Kiri, seeing how happy you were with his sisters. Deep inside, he also knew why everyone loves you. Despite your loud mouth, you are always sincere. You always mean what you speak, and people appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness, well except for neteyam.

your questionable behavior directed towards him is getting on his nerves. he's at the end of his patience with you, but his self control is holding him back from erupting and asking what the hell is wrong with you.

days passed and the day for the bonfire communal feast arrived. neteyam had heard from his siblings that you and Tsireya are to dance and sing to eywa in celebration for the excellent results of the hunt done yesterday.

neteyam had never heard you sing, nor seen you dance. he never thought you could do those things, but based on his siblings' words, you're quite good and proficient. Tuk says your voice reminds her of eywa's gentle guidance, and your body as the ocean waves.

it's just another reminder that he never really knew you, that you built a wall around you to solely keep him out. that you could be free in front of his siblings but would be hard as a rock in front of him. how can you be so cruel?

"there's never gonna be any progress if you just sulk and sulk and sulk everyday. you have to understand that not everyone is obligated to like you."

neteyam glanced at his sister, bitterness in his tongue. "yea, real helpful sister."

"whatever," kiri rolled her eyes and focused on the kava in her hand, paying no attention to the distraught neteyam beside her.

when the tempo of the music changed and the people parted to reveal you and tsireya in the middle, neteyam felt his breath stolen away by your beauty. you are stunning, that he knew from the very start. he never expected to see you even more beautiful. you make him go crazy inside and he didn't even know why. no matter how you ignore him, he cannot do the same to you. you're always clouding his mind, making him sleepless every eclipse.

neteyam knew that he's being obvious by not taking his eyes off you the entire performance, he knew that his mother are looking at him every time his breath hitch like he couldn't breath, he knew that kiri is laughing at him, but he just cannot stop looking at you.

so when the time to dance with other members of the clan came, he didn't hesitate to stand up and walk towards you in hopes that he'd catch you and ask you for at least one dance.

"can i ask for a dance?" he asked, breathless and hopeful as he looked towards you.

he saw you hesitate, and his newfound confidence shattered. his lips trembled until you took his hand and murmured. "...just once."

Tsireya looked at Neteyam’s yearning look directed at you and giggled to herself. Lo’ak also saw his face and snickered. “he totally has a crush on her! he’s just mad she doesn't pay attention to him.”

The younger metkayina girl’s eyes widened. Then, she quickly accepted it. It's not like she hadn't noticed that tension between you and Neteyam. She thought both of you will figure it out yourselves that's why she didn't interfere at all, but turns out both of you are dense enough that you're still not confronting each other about what you feel.

She looked at you and decided to finally help you out. Turning to her beloved, she said. “Sister does not dislike Neteyam. She's just like that to everyone she likes.”

It was Lo’ak’s turn to be wide-eyed. “No shit? Really?! I mean she never gave him a good look y'know? Totally acting like he doesn't exist…”

Tsireya pulled Lo’ak to sit with her in the sand. “Sister does not know how to deal with her feelings properly. When we were children, she once liked a boy from another clan that visited awa’atlu. He played with us all the time and really liked sister. But since she didn't know what to do, she accidentally made him cry before he and his family were about to leave. When the eclipse came, she cried so hard that it became everyone's favorite story to talk about during communal feasts.”

Lo’ak laughed but then slowly turned melancholic. Somehow, he relates to you. Often misunderstood because you cannot express yourself correctly, and it drives you to keep your thoughts on your own even more. “That’s sad… my brother… My brother is not really the one to pursue feelings. Back in the forest most of the girls our age liked him, some he was interested in, but really didn't bother doing something for it. He’s too busy taking care of us and training to be a good warrior. I don't know if he and your sister can even work it out at this point,”

Tsireya hummed, looking at you and to Neteyam every few seconds, before an idea formed in her mind. “I know exactly what to do!”

Lo’ak looked at his beloved’s bright face and can only pray for his brother’s well-being.

sitting down after dancing with neteyam, you friend immediately sat beside you with a grin. "how does it feel to dance with your beloved?"

you rolled your eyes despite the racing of your heart. you cannot admit that you almost sang in joy when neteyam asked for a dance. you didn't even know what happened during the dance as you just gone blank. he might have thought you were uninterested as he left right after the first dance finished. although you felt at loss, you acted like nothing and continued dancing with others.

seeing you like this, your friend teased you even further. “why don't you just go and proclaim your intentions, hmm? that you want to mate with ne—”

you covered your friend's mouth, scared that someone might hear. "be quiet will you! what if someone hear?"

your friend shrugged, "then you'd probably be forced to confront your feelings and then there would be celebration for your uni---"

"impossible," you cut her off. "we are never possible right from the very beginning. he's from the forest, i'm from the ocean."

"so what? you are both na'vi and obviously liked each other."

you sneered. like you? impossible. why would someone as perfect as neteyam like you?

he's the most perfect na'vi you have ever seen. a skilled warrior, with kind and loyal heart, and would do everything for his beloved family. he's the son of Toruk Makto, admired and well-liked. you? you're just a daughter of a warrior, a niece to the olo-eyktan of the metkayina. you have no real status, no great skills like neteyam.

you do not deserve him. "eywa knows that's not true, sister. eywa knows."

Walking into the lush greeneries of the island, you wonder where your friends are. Tsireya said she wanted everyone to gather in your secret place and play the demon’s game Truth or Dare. Although you detest sky demons, it didn't diminish your curiosity for their creations.

So against your better judgment, you still came when the eclipse started. Thankfully, you know your way in quite well and didn't get lost in your trek to the heart of the island.

As you went further, you began to notice the lack of noise your friends usually make. Lo’ak should be laughing boisterously by now, Tuk screaming, and Kiri wandering around. But no matter how you strain your ears, you don't hear any familiar noises.

So when you reached the hut where you and your friends planned to stay, you were shocked to see only Neteyam inside, seemingly waiting for everyone to show up.

Your feet froze and you cannot stop your heart from racing, hammering against your chest making you gasp for breath. Your heavy breathing was quickly noticed by Neteyam who was also surprised to see you.

The gears in your head turned and you already knew what your friends were doing. It must be Tsireya, who always can see through you and your thoughts. She must’ve conspired with everyone to deceive you and Neteyam.

Without thinking things through, you turned around and walked back to where you came from, but before you could even take a few steps, a hand forcefully held you back.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going home.”

“But shouldn't we wait for the others?”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled your arm out of his grip. “Don’t you understand? They set us up for their own amusement. Now, if you can please let me go. I can't be alone with you right now. I swear to Eywa I will feed that girl to an akula—”

“Why can’t you be alone with me? Do you hate me that much?!”

“What’s your problem?!” You glared at him when he pulled you again, his fingers digging into your shoulder.

“No, what is YOUR problem?!” He looked at you sharply, trying to mask the hurt he felt inside when he heard your words. He had always known you don't like him, but to hear you imply yourself definitely hurts the most. Shaking his head, he continued. “Y’know what? Perhaps this is the time we finally talk. So tell me now, ocean girl! What the hell is your problem with me!”

You let out an unbelievable huff, feeling ridiculous as you shouted back. “Me?! It’s you always shooting daggers at me every time we meet! Why is that my fault?!”

“Because you treat me like shit!”

Both you and Neteyam froze with his outburst. He looked rather regretful for allowing himself to be vulnerable, especially in front of you. His self control is crumbling away.

“I do not treat you like shit! Don’t make things up!”

“Oh yeah, right! Maybe you don't treat me like shit because you treat me like I don’t exist! Don’t act like you don't ignore me all the time, as if it's a great burden for you to even pay me any attention. I’m tired of your shit! So tell me, what is your problem, ocean girl, so we can finally end this farce!”

With mouth agape, you stared wide-eyed at Neteyam. You have never seen him this angry before. Most of the time he’s mellow and polite, always greeting you every time you hang out with his siblings. It's only recently that he had somehow changed, always glaring at you, shooting daggers at you every time you passed by.

You tried to explain but you cannot find the right words. Looking at you like this, it only solidified Neteyam’s belief. The hurt in his eyes was palpable, so he looked away. He can't let you see him so affected by you. His pride is the only thing he can cling to right now, as you have stripped away everything from him.

“What? Couldn't speak? Did I hit the mark, ocean girl?

You gasp, chest heaving so fast as your heart rammed against your ribs. You cannot look into his eyes, too afraid to let him see the feelings you are trying so hard to avoid. “...I-I don’t dislike you, I-I—”

“Liar! You can't even look me in the eye! Tell me the truth!”

“I-I don't want to!”

“Well guess what, you cannot leave this island without telling the truth. Tell me, and I’ll let you go.” His tone has mellowed, a hint of begging in his voice. His grip on your shoulder was tight, it was hurting you but you cannot ignore the voice in your head that urges you to just tell everything and end this ridiculous argument.

“tell me, how can make you like me?"

your heart skipped a beat, processing his words. like him? you already like him so much that it hurts. how can he ask you that?

seeing you silenced, Neteyam’s chest constricted. His eyes stung, but he tried so hard to never let you notice. He cannot crumble in front of you. He doesn't want you to have the satisfaction. He wanted to hear you say that you hate him. That you detest him. That you cannot stand the thought of being with him. So it would destroy him silently, and he can finally rebuild himself piece by piece.

“Tell me!”

“I hate you because I love you!”

“Bull—”

Neteyam paused, eyes wide as he looked at you in disbelief. Your tears finally fell like waterfall as your knees gave away and you sobbed into the ground. You finally said it. The reason why you cannot sleep at night. The reason you tried so hard to avoid Neteyam in fear that he’ll see through you, that he’d be disgusted with your feelings with him. You tried to mask your love as dislike to protect your heart, because you know if you give in you’d just be shattered. You know well how this would end. He would never be yours.

“I-I hate you so much, Neteyam! For making me feel this w-way! I hate you for changing my life and making me c-confused! I hate you for making me fall for you!”

“W-What—”

You stood up without waiting for his reply. With all your strength, you ran away from Neteyam. You didn't care if your feet were hurting, and when you bumped into someone you didn't look at who it was. All you wanted was to leave this place and never see Neteyam again.

Lo’ak looked at your disappearing back and patted his brother's shoulder. Neteyam was still standing like a statue, in shock, staring at the direction you had escaped to.

“Cat’s finally out of the bag, huh. Took you guys long enough. Congrats bro, you finally confessed to your cru—”

Before Lo’ak could even finish his words, Neteyam took off like his tail’s on fire, running after you with a huge triumphant grin on his face. Tsireya and Lo’ak looked at each other and laughed, proud of their successful plan.

“Looks like I won this bet. Kiri better pays up!”

[myslutwritings]

Hi! :D Can I request headcanons on the upper moon demons (1,2,3+ Muzan) reactions to finding out their fem s/o is suffering from depression? (Especially after she’s tried to hide it from them and everyone else, not once admitting to having it - frankly because she feels as if they wouldn’t care or take her seriously anyway (due to past experiences with her own family and friends), until she couldn’t keep up the facade of acting cheerful, laid back and positive all the time, it being obvious that there is something quite not right with her, even if she denies it, trying to downplay the situation, knowing full well herself that it’s getting bad).

(Aaaaaaa, I love ur headcanons 😭💓 I’m sorry if this topic is not something you’d be comfortable with writing for, it’s just something I’ve been experiencing myself lately for the past couple of months, it’s getting harder each day, kinda have been feeling empty, exhausted and genuinely depressed lately, no one that I know cares or takes me seriously, nor tries to help me overcome these emotions :), I appreciate you reading my request anyway!<3 sorry for kinda pouring my heart out, ik it’s cringe and unnecessary, sorry).

No, no! it’s completely okay. I suffer from depression myself so i’m comfortable writing for topics like these! I honestly love writing angst/hurt/+comfort so ya!! Thank you for requesting, anon!! (Also i’m happy you like my headcanons! Tysm for your kind words. I do hope you feel better and i hope these hc’s can cheer you up!)

➤ Uppermoons with a Fem!S/O who suffers from Depression

➤ SFW headcanons

including: Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma and Akaza.

•

•

•

warnings: non-canon reactions, mentions of suicidal thoughts, angst, etc.

Muzan

Muzan isn’t an idiot.

He can sense from a mile away that something is in fact wrong.

I mean, you always seem off.

He just cannot tell WHAT exactly is wrong.

You’re a strange one after all. (Not in a bad way obviously)

Muzan has asked you a dozen times prior, seeking out answers, at least an explanation for your change in behavior and emotions.

He dislikes change.

But wanna know what he dislikes more? You being upset.

“My dear, could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Of course he never gets anything out of you. You just cast him that alluring yet suspicious fake smile of yours and reassure him that you’re “okay” or “fine” or even “couldn’t be better”

Your response are so.. dishonest.

Honestly, Muzan not knowing what exactly is wrong with you drives him wild. He ALWAYS wants to know what’s wrong, what you’re feeling, how you’re feeling, etc.

And whenever he isn’t aware of what exactly your feeling or is catching on to the suspicions that your lying it does in fact anger him.

Not only does it anger him but it upsets him incredibly. Like, do you not trust him? Are you scared of him because he’s the demon king? If you were secretly terrified of his existence he wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest. That’s how truly humans are after all.

But for you this isn’t the case. You aren’t even scared of him. Just scared of your own thoughts and feelings.

A part of you wishes you could open up but the other part of you is like: eh, fuck it.

Who could blame you for not wanting to open up to the demon king himself though?

You may be his girlfriend, but still, like he would actually bring himself to care.

You see how vicious he is towards other humans. So why would he even bother with your silly yet powerful emotions?

You desired to open up yourself but however that never came so Muzan had no choice but to force it out of you one day.

Toxic, sure. But you were driving him nuts!

Like he snapped when he came home one night to find you rotting in your own filth, an empty stomach, disheveled hair, god, have you been sleeping all day?

He will ask you ONCE again if you wanted to talk.

To which you respond with a sorrowful “no”

Then you for real have the gull to make up excuses saying you’ve fallen ill.

Yeah, right.

That is Muzan’s breaking point.

It startles you when he snaps at you and actually gets mad.

This is his way of caring everybody. 💀

Whenever you’re depressed the feeling of getting yelled at by someone you love can hurt you or make you feel numb on the inside, you know?

I’m this case, it all just caves in and you sorta have an emotional break down in front of him.

Muzan is at a loss for words as you spill out your deepest and darkest feelings.

At least you’re finally opening up.

But damn, bro is shocked. Please give him a minute to adjust to all this.

At first he doesn’t know how to respond, instead, he will respond physically and just let you cry in his embrace as you vent to him and babble “i’m sorry” literally over 1000 times.

Muzan knew humans had depression, he reads a lot and is well aware of what it is. He’s just distraught this his own partner felt this way for so long.

By the way, did i mention he’s going to kill anyone who’s ever wronged you?

But worry not! He is going to be there for you every step of the way even with his low tolerance:)

Kokushibo

In the beginning, Kokushibo has absolutely no clue what’s going on inside your head.

I mean, if you say you’re fine then you’re fine right?

That’s all until your seemingly bad mood increases more and more everyday.

Yeah, that’s when his suspicions SKYROCKET.

Kokushibo has asked you before but gave up on it after many failed attempts.

He still has his mild concerns though so instead he observes you from afar.

He can tell something if off but assumes that just because you’re a human.

Honestly, he had some suspicions here and there that you may or may not be dealing with severe depression.

Guess what? Those thoughts he had were correct.

You immediately assume he doesn’t care and won’t care due to his demonic nature and his expressionless behavior.

Kokushibo began to catch on more and more when you started to refuse to eat dinner, you just refused to get up from bed and even take care of yourself.

FINALLY drops that stoic personality.

Caretaker Kokushibo to the rescue. Is immediately scooping you up, siting you at the table and convincing you to eat.

If you don’t eat he’ll just spoon feed you.

That night he took care of you.

That’s when he found out of your depressed state. No confession needed.

The two of you aren’t the greatest match because of your lacked communication.

No, you two aren’t toxic. Fights don’t even exist between y’all.

You guys just can’t express feelings properly.

But Kokushibo is always waiting for you to further explain how you feel. He’s satisfied that he now is aware of what’s wrong with you but also deeply destroyed on the inside.

You don’t deserve these harsh feelings. Why must the world be so cruel?

From that day onwards, Koku keeps a close eye on you and takes care of you more often.

Sometimes even ditches missions for you.

Yeah, he gets chastised by Muzan for it but he doesn’t care.

As long as you’re safe then he feels content.

By the way he’s killing off ANYONE who made you feel this way.

Douma

very, VERY dense.

Like does not notice anything.

He just presumed that’s how you are.

Now, Douma does feel emotions around you. You’re the only thing that has ever brought him joy.

You make that cold heart of his beat.

He’s very clingy around you, like, SUPER.

Wants to be around you all the time.

Which is why it’s a shocker that he didn’t notice immediately your drastic change in behavior.

Douma only really took notice when you began to distance yourself from everyone.

Even him.

Now he couldn’t care less if you ran away from everyone else but him? Yeah, there is something wrong.

So, he simply asks you if you’re okay.

In which you lie and say you’re doing just fine.

Oh, you are? Okay!!

Is immensely confused when you continue to distance yourself though.

Haha, humans are so silly.

Douma becomes really confused but brushes it off.

It’s all surprising that he can come off so dense when it comes to this. I mean, you’re a demon? come on mannn…

Yeah, he does feel emotions around you but doesn’t fully understand them, you know?

I swear, Douma can be naive around you sometimes despite being the sadistic and masochistic demon he is.

It takes him a long ass time to realize how much you’ve been suffering.

Please do not get angry with him though. Remember that he is new to all this!

So the first emotion he feels once he finds out about your depression is EXTREME guilt.

REAL GUILT.

Flabbergasted by how fucking long it took him to find out the truth.

*Mentally facepalms himself*

His petty little followers don’t count. The man may have spend his last few hundred years listening to peoples woes and worries but his emotional responses towards their feelings were never even genuine.

To be brutally honest, Douma is hopeless.

Yeah, he wants to help you, he really does.

Just has no idea how to:(

However, if you show him how to then he will catch on fairly quickly and become the master when it comes to taking care of you and helping you cope with your depression.

Similar to Kokushibo, Cue caretaker Douma to the rescue‼️‼️

He doesn’t mind taking care of you. Honestly he absolutely adores it.

You’ve always been there for him, you taught him how to feel again. He’s so grateful that he’s finally helping you after all this time.

Lends you extra cuddles and kisses but if you’re the type to want your space when you’re depressed he’ll try his hardest to understand and be there for you emotionally instead! He just wants to be over you all the time and make sure you’re doing well, ya know?

Okay, he may lose his touching privileges but don’t think he isn’t gonna let his guard down!

From there on out, He keeps an eye on you at all times. He needs to make sure your taking care of yourself!

Douma also developed the tendency to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, his advice is surprisingly effective by the way. I mean, his advice towards you is actually genuine so that must be why.

“Oh, Y/N, my lovely lotus, i despise how you carry such a heavy burden. I wish i could take all these negative feelings away from you!”

Akaza

Like Muzan, he isn’t easy to take for a fool.

Notices the very second your behavior changes.

Akaza, being the most amazing boyfriend he is will obviously attempt to strike up a conversation, desperately wanting you to open up and communicate with him properly.

Becomes disappointed when you just brush it off as “not important”

Like what? It IS important!

YOU are MORE than important to him.

Akaza is not blind, he won’t submit nor play dumb towards your responses

Absolutely hates making you uncomfortable and would hate to force you to tell him how you’re feeling but desperate times call for desperate measures.

This is just his way for caring about you.

At first, he will try each and every day to be there for you and try and talk with you.

Sits on the side of your bed as your laying down, curled up, unmoving and will just kiss your forehead and give you time to open up.

Akaza will bug you consistently, fishing a response from you, anything, just anything!!

“Sweetheart, could you tell me what’s going on with you?”

Nothing. Just that same old response he hears every damn time.

“I’m fine”, “Nothing is wrong!”, “It’s okay, i’m doing well, just tired.”

Hatessssss when you lie to him:(

Akaza feels beyond powerless.

Your feelings are very important to him!

Sure, he hates weak people, hates any other human being he encounters but you’re different!

Akaza knows deep down you’re suffering from depression but desires for you to confess it yourself in your own time.

But at the end of the day he had to force it out of you.

Felt insanely guilt but what else could he have done?

Everything else he’s ever done for you got him nowhere due to your own stubborn dds

Akaza is not mad though.

He could never be angry with you for having depression i mean, you can’t help it.

We all know how overwhelmingly overprotective he is so the very moment he finds out a friend of family member caused you to feel this way and shut the world out he is going to throw hands.

Like, how dare they?!

Akaza is another caretaker! Skips important missions for your sake despite him knowing the punishments that come along with it.

Akaza won’t mind taking care of you but he also needs you to learn how to take care of yourself if you want to truly heal so he’ll be there for you every single step of the way in order for you to accomplish that!

Another thing that’ll happen is that Akaza will become more needy and clingy than usual. He must protest his precious girlfriend at all costs.

Kisses you and reminds you how much he loves you.

Fucking HATES it when he’s forced to leave you (when he’s summoned to the infinity castle)

But the very second he’s home he’s relieved.

On those days you’re feeling super depressed to the point where you can’t get up Akaza will cool you breakfast and serve it to you in bed. Will even feed you if he has to then eventually he’ll help you get up and offer you all the motivation and energy you need to make it throughout the day.

Bro is a gentleman.

Literally is always going to be there for you, love you unconditionally.

And most importantly…

Beat the living HELL out of whoever worsened your depression‼️‼️

I hope you enjoyed these headcanons! To all those out there suffering currently i can promise you that it’s going to be okay. You got this! <3

[mage-ical-character-person]

So... it dawned on me (I was watching the What If episode) that SMG4 and Mario probably wouldn’t be friends if Four’s arrival hadn’t made Mario… Like That.

I mean, it made Mario almost just… a completely different person, so obviously things wouldn’t be quite the same and they probably wouldn’t get along as well were that not the case. But Four and Mario only really got to know each other because Mario was silly and funny and Four thought it would make good content and they found out they make a great team the rest is history.

None of that would have happened… if Mario was the same Mario he was before. Frankly… considering how Four’s existence affected the Mushroom Kingdom I think an unaltered Mario would’ve considered him a threat.

Not to mention, Mario is a big part of Four’s success. He wouldn’t be able to make the stuff he does without Mario, he met most of his friend group through Mario. Without Mario, he wouldn’t have as much success with his channel and he probably wouldn’t have many of his current friends.

Four met Mario as a different person than who he was before. When Mario goes back to how he was before SMG4 in the Lawsuit arc… Four’s response is to kidnap him and slap him a bunch. (everything else is Meggy’s idea.) He wants his friend Mario back, that’s understandable! Sweet, even. But… you know. When he initially warped Mario almost beyond recognition it was out of his control. And I know it’s a good thing to get the Mario we know and love back. But Four (and Meggy!) are turning Mario back without any input from Mario himself.

Mario’s happy to be back, of course! He’s happy to have Four and Meggy back and be friends with them again! But… I just… want to take a moment…

See, I’ve rambled before about how I view Puzzles as a sort of bad-ending SMG4. About how they share a lot of the same flaws, with Puzzles being much, much worse due to a lifelong lack of anything resembling a support system.

Four’s best friend, the one who brought his entire friend group together, the person he couldn’t have made it to this point without… is Mario. Mario, who has been thoroughly altered to become the Mario SMG4 is friends with.

It’s not something Mario gets a say in.

And I just think… it’s interesting…

Four was lucky to meet Mario so early. He’s lucky that Mario being like this is permanent.

Mario could’ve been to Four what Leggy is to Puzzles.

Puzzles was not responsible for Leggy being Leggy when he first met her, either. He found her like that. He only did it intentionally the second time. After loosing her. He wanted her back, and she didn’t get a say.

Now, I’m not trying to say Four is just as bad as Puzzles, here. I’m saying these two are products of circumstance, and Four COULD HAVE been like Puzzles.

I know Four isn’t doing any of this with malicious intent. He never knew a Mario that wasn’t his silly memes Mario, so to him, the Lawsuit arc is someone else turning Mario into something he’s not, and Four is freeing him. Puzzles knows Meggy does not want this and does what he does anyway. Four just kind of assumes Mario’s on board with everything.

it’s just something to think about. Puzzles’ thing is brainwashing people for his shows. Four kinda did the same thing, but completely unintentionally just by existing. That’s kind of hilarious.

reasons I need to know if Puzzles is aware of the meme guardian stuff or not. He’d love the dramatic irony before getting really mad about it.

[im-out-of-it]

Can I share some shadow hunter opinions? Well, just a few of them. [I’m talking about Shadowhunters the tv show, not the books just be clear. The books are…kinda gross to me. And I say that as someone who devoured them as teenager. And the show has its problems too, but is much better to me. Maybe that’s the first opinion? *insert thinking face*]

1. The way Alec is treated in the first season by everyone is ABYSMAL. Especially by Jace and Izzy and don’t get me started on Clary. Surprise! The sheltered, repressed shadow hunter whose spent his whole life expecting to never be happy, raising you and being trained in clave politics isn’t happy to break the law and risk everything he’s ever worked for and his family for…. the daughter of their biggest enemy. And we have to root for these people! Gee, Clary, maybe pissing off the person who’s in the best position to help you isn’t such a good idea. She literally says she’s doesn’t care about the rules! Nothing can ever make me like Clary. I’m sorry your mother was taken and you were thrown into this new world, but girl, have a little respect. And the non existent parabati bond that’s completely one sided. Jace is such an entitled little pos who knows exactly how to take advantage of Alec’s love for his family. Are we seriously supposed to like him after blaming Alec for Clary’s actions, outright telling Alec that his emotionally abusive mother is right? Simon called it. All of the reasons for Alec’s choices are so clear! How can they not know their brother at all? How can they ignore what’s clearly in front of them if they’d just think!

2. Now this one might get me in trouble. I’m not a great fan of Magnus, at least at the beginning. I think he’s great for Alec and actually love Malec, but the way he treats Alec in the first season has just never sat right. He’s been around long enough to know about shadowhunter society and can clearly see Alec is gay, and just pushes. I always have to agree in that scene when Alec tells him so. Frankly, I think Alec is lucky that they were in the situation they were with Valentine. If the clave didn’t have that to be worried about I think kissing Magnus would have ended his career. And how can Magnus, someone with hundreds of years of his own trauma look at Alec and be like that, get mad at Alec for proposing to Lydia when it is very clear why he’s doing it. They weren’t in a relationship, Alec owed him nothing. (I have problems with how everyone treated him for proposing to Lydia, honestly). I’m also just not a big fan of age gaps as a whole, or in this case too, experience gaps. I don’t think the power balance is balanced at all.

Actually, maybe I just don’t like how Magnus seems to be able to do no wrong in a lot of fan’s eyes what im most frustrated by. At least from what I’ve seen. Not online, not in fanfiction is Magnus ever really criticised for his actions. And if he is it’s somehow excused. I think it’s quite infantilising to Magnus too. This man is hundreds of years old and extremely powerful. I’m not discounting all his own trauma, but that’s all people seem to see him as. I also think people are afraid to say anything because fans will see anything as a direct attack on his skin colour or sexuality. When that’s not the case. Magnus is an amazing representation and I can’t think of any other characters like him, and I think because of that people are very protective. I see Alec get bashed all the time for his choices and in some works treated like shit when, like I said, his reasoning is made perfectly clear. He’s a sheltered, repressed gay man (younger than 25!) responsible for his family, an entire institute of people and has every little mistake thrown in his face by an evil, corrupt group of bigots. Of course he’s not going to be the perfect boyfriend, or the perfect leader straight away. Honestly, I find his choices much easier to swallow than some of the others purely because of the reasons I just said. Again, I’m not saying that to disregard any of the awful shit other characters go through. Like I said at the beginning though, I do like him more end of season 1 onwards and he is actually one of my favourite characters.

Can you tell how nervous this opinion makes me?? *insert nervous face* *please don’t hurt me*

3. I wish we had gotten more of the downworld. I love reading fanfiction that go into downworld politics, particularly warlocks and the spiral labyrinth. You have an insane cult that want an entire group of people dead and we barely go into that group. Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn! Show us! Maybe it’s just me, but I much prefer worldbuilding and political factions than action and the world of shadowhunters has so much potential! Don’t just tell us, show us. I also wish we could’ve seen more of Magnus hanging out with Ragnor and Catarina, and more of his relationship with Raphael.

4. Alec, Magnus and Madzie are the best dynamic in the show. I could watch a spin off series about those three. And Catarina, but mainly Malec and Madzie. Would have also loved to have seen Max and Madzie meet.

5. …the writing didn’t improve in after S1. The acting, yes. Writing not so much. (Did anyone else want to do shot any time ‘brother’ ir ‘hermano’ was said in the first season?) Harry and Alberto obviously carried the first show. They just were Magnus and Simon. Harry especially did wonderfully with such a beloved character. Matt definitely improved although I actually don’t think he was that bad in the first season, and the chemistry with Harry was always just magical. Katherine and Emeraude did too. There were some moments when Katherine just hit it out the park. Emeraude really shined in her emotional parts too. Dominic I never actually cared enough to notice. I kind a zoned out any time he talked and I never liked Jace in the books either. (Movie Jace > show Jace. Movie Jace would destroy show Jace). I also just didn’t feel the chemistry between him and Katherine . There’s a reason Malec is just so easy to love.

6. Shadow hunters isn’t more cringy than other teen shows at that time. I think it gets unfairly bashed on. It’s cringy, definitely, but all teen fantasy shows are.

YES IM HERE FOR THIS AND WARNING: THIS IS LONG AS FUCK

I mean you can literally shit on the books and I’ll be that bitch that’s all like YES GO OFF 🔥

exactly right about Alec! everyone is treating him incredibly wrong. I loathe jace and clary and it was absolutely disgusting how jace told Alec his best isn’t good enough. Clary is so entitled and the audacity of her being all like “you have to help me save my mother” yeah actually we don’t. I know she doesn’t actually say this but she does act that way. bossing them around and Alec is the one paying all the consequences. they should’ve sent her ass to idris.

literally Alec is risking everything for her and she’s the daughter of an enemy. Clary has done and shown not a zilch of why she should be trusted. I’ve always said how one sided the parabatai bond is because jace doesn’t care about Alec or act as if he exists until he needs something. so jace and clary are actually perfect for one another because they’re both dumb, selfish, entitled dicks who expect everything to be handed to them. literally all of Alec’s issues in season one (and the whole show) are because of jace and clary and him being in the closet. no one ever fucking respects Alec and the choices he makes. and then when he finally chooses himself, Maryse is all like but family honor alec, we don’t recognize you!!!!!!!! Izzy is a good sister to Alec at least and Magnus obviously cares but it’s almost as though everyone else hates him. literally season one: alec how dare you!

it’s okay!!!!! you’re in a safe place so think and say your thoughts ✨ I do think Magnus pushes Alec a little but it’s not compared as horrible as the books. I think (and this is just me) he’s hurt. Alec doesn’t owe him anything but I think it’s also important to look at it from Magnus’s view. he’s finally starting to open his heart- and this isn’t anyone’s fault. it’s not Magnus’s fault if Alec isn’t ready. it’s not Alec’s fault for choosing his family because he’s so accustomed to doing that. Alec is a shadowhunter and part of now he’s raised is to put family honor, duty, and being a shadowhunter first.

I understand not liking Magnus in the first season. I love him but I hate book versions of Malec. the fandom can be so cruel but I do agree with some of his actions in season one. I think it’s hard to take sides because I see the hurt on magnus as well as Alec feeling like he can’t come out. the clave are such judgmental bigots and it’s very important to note that coming out could cost everything to Alec. I think they did a little better with the clave in the show but I don’t think lgbtq+ rep was really touched on much in the show. the consequences of coming out, how they’re treated, and etc. Malec is obviously healthy but a lot more could have been done

definitely agree with the downworld! it’s actually my fav people and the hurt, treatment, all the shit they go through isn’t talked about enough. they were hunted for centuries and the shadowhunters (not all) are such hypocrites. like even when others call them out, they’re all like yeah but we’re kind of superior? it’s just not handled well. one of my biggest complaints with the show is the fact ragnor is killed off and the warlocks aren’t in the show as much as they should be. I’ve said it before, show isn’t perfect but hey, it’s not the books

literally Malec being parents is the cutest thing ever. Madzie is so fortunate to have them and I wish we could have seen Alec and Magnus eventually adopt her. Magnus has such a vast history and Malec has an incredibly large fan base that a spin off would entertain us for years. I don’t trust CC and I don’t like her so I would not want her around Malec. she doesn’t care about Malec and didn’t until it earned her a fucking paycheck. (just my opinion)

I love Matt and I think he killed it everytime. there’s a reason why Malec carried the show. his facial expressions in season one stole that season. Harry did as well. I’m not a fan of Katherine’s acting, I’m sorry 😭 her and dom’s acting is so over the top. I can’t stand CLACE so maybe that’s just more on me but it felt cringe. Matt and Harry clearly carried the show. Em did amazing with the storylines they gave to Izzy because let’s face it, she barely had any in the books. I think she did exceptionally well. Simon was also a lot better in the show too. no complaints on that side either. and we know Malec was great but if you also look at what they added: the parallels, their cat and mouse game in season one, (FLIRTATION WAS INTENSE) the longing they had, Matt adding Magnus’s characteristics to Alec in season three, the growth they both had, the fact that they’re honest and don’t miscommunicate. there’s no cheating, acting childish, trying to turn your boyfriend mortal, or any of the biphobic shit in the books. like there is just so much that they gave to Malec. I know some don’t like Matt’s acting but you can’t tell me that man can’t act. he’s severely underrated. as is Harry. like I don’t think they get enough credit.

my conclusion on the show in general: it’s cringe, yes but watch for Malec and it’s an absolute fucking treat. I don’t consider it a teen show since they actually upped their ages. I think book fans just want to hate on it because it’s not like their precious books. sometimes an adaption is better and I’m willing to go to battle over this lmao I didn’t find any of the Malec or Izzy or Simon stuff cringe but CLACE? absofuckinglutely. it’s not perfect by any means but it could have been exactly like the books so let’s be thankful it wasn’t

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Dancing 'til the Break of Dawn - Pt 21

<Pt20

(TWST Zombie apocalypse AU where Yuu beast tames just a little too close to the sun)

“Can’t believe I showed you around the whole complex and you didn’t even pay attention!” Azul said.

Yuu lifted his hands in a shrug. “It’s not like it’ll matter.”

The twins didn’t seem to care if Yuu, nicely put, took himself off the census, so he doubted he would be allowed to walk around freely.

Frankly, he was pretty sure that the only reason he was allowed to walk around now was because Jade and Floyd were too busy torturing his friends for the high crime of Being Yuu’s Friends to remember that Yuu himself existed.

He wasn’t sure how long that would last.

He worried his lip.

And then he pulled a cigarette box from his pocket. It was Deuce’s. Yuu had never given the boy any, so it was still full. There was a splatter of blood across the already red packaging from one of the many times Yuu had been injured.

He shook a cigarette out and brought it to his lips, flicking his lighter to light it.

He had no intentions of breathing it in. In fact, doing so would defeat the purpose of this:

Establish a pattern.

If he inhaled, he’d start coughing, and that would be… well, an indication that he didn’t do this often. And embarrassing, which was far more of a problem, in Yuu’s eyes.

“That stressed already?” Azul said, looking a little too pleased about it. The dickhead.

Yuu smiled, and it was real, because he was more than happy for any excuse that would get the cigarette out of his mouth, if even for a moment. “This isn’t my first rodeo. And, y’know, I was starting to miss my old arson days, I’m glad to have an excuse to do it again.”

Azul’s smug little smile dropped.

“Please don’t burn down my mall. Do you know how long it took to get this place functional?!”

“Don’t give me a reason to burn the place down, and I won’t,” Yuu said. “It’s really that easy.”

“You know it’s not.”

“Get your dogs on leashes. I’m a cat person, you know?”

~

They were in the room that Yuu was sure he wouldn’t see the outside of for quite some time.

At least there was a window, this time.

Azul was already preparing to leave. But he hesitated, his hand in the doorway.

He turned to look at Yuu.

Yuu had flopped on the floor to inspect the carpet, stunned to find that there were no hints of blood among the white. Who cleaned this (because Yuu needed to ensure their pay was, at the very least, doubled)? Was it, somehow, untouched? Wild.

“How are you so calm about –? Nevermind. You’re clearly insane. Pro tip: if you want Jade and Floyd to not kill you, make sure they’re never bored.”

Yuu looked up just long enough to flash a wink his way.

“Who could ever get bored of me?”

~

The second Jade appeared in the doorway to Yuu’s house, he held a hand out for Yuu’s lighter.

Yuu smiled sweetly, batting his eyelashes. “You’re gonna have to fight me for it.”

He barely even got the sentence out before a fist came sailing for his head.

Yuu stumbled back, his eyes wide. He really hadn’t expected Jade to call his bluff.

But, hey, Yuu never really got to fight… anything, really, anymore! Who knows! Maybe attempted murder could be fun, if your target is literally unkillable!

He pulled a knife from his pocket and launched himself at Jade.

~

Yuu, of course, lost. He, frankly, wasn’t willing to risk popping the stitches in his shoulder again, because Ace and Deuce would never let him hear the end of it if they found out… and also, ew, pain, or something.

So, he got his ass handed to him. He was definitely going to have a few bruises in the morning.

On the bright side, though, Yuu got to stab Jade a few times. Which is basically free therapy. Stab any ‘Jade’s in your life to cancel your prescription to Mental Illness today!

Wait, he’d had a goal with all of this, hadn’t he?

He turned onto his side to face Jade. “Can you guys at least light my cigarettes for me?”

Jade raised an eyebrow, amused. “And since when have you taken a liking to smoking?”

“Very recently,” Yuu said, smiling innocently.

Jade smiled. It was an unnatural smile, stretching too wide on his face. The kind of smile zombies wore when they had just set eyes on their newest prey.

Jade didn’t trust him in the slightest.

But, apparently, he was into that:

“If that’s what you need to live comfortably, we would be more than happy to provide that for you,” Jade said. “... so long as you do not do anything idiotic, I don’t see the harm in providing you with small things like this.”

Yuu raised an eyebrow. “What would I even do? Swallow a flaming cigarette whole?”

“... you see, you have managed to come up with something far beyond anything I could imagine in a mere few seconds, and this is not instilling me with faith.”

“Shutting up now!”

~

Yuu blinked as he stepped out of the bathroom, and found Azul there.

Jade and Floyd were also there, but that, at least, was expected. They were zombies, they slept with Yuu – they slept in the same bed as Yuu, sorry, Yuu wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. Lord knows he got enough of that shit from Ace.

Regardless, the symbiotic nature of Yuu’s relationship with zombies was irrelevant. Azul was here and it was weird.

He frowned at Jade. “What’s he doing here? Aren’t we going to bed?”

Jade smiled. “Of course, a good night’s rest is vital for one’s health.”

“... you didn’t answer my first question, not sure if you noticed!”

“I did.”

“Floyddddddd,” Yuu whined, spinning on his heel to look at Floyd instead. “Heeeeelp.”

Floyd lifted Yuu off of his feet.

Hm.

“It’s my shoulder that’s injured, not my legs,” Yuu said, his patience already straining. It was day three, and actually using those cigarettes was becoming more and more tempting by the hour.

“I know!”

Yuu sighed through his nose. Loudly. Frankly, it didn’t sound much different than the scream he was suppressing, just a little quieter.

Thankfully, no one acknowledged it.

Unfortunately, this was also infuriating in its own right, so Yuu really wasn’t getting any wins here.

He looked at Azul. “Has anyone ever bitten them out of spite before? Because it’s really tempting.”

“I’ve considered it,” Azul admitted.

“You could always be the first, Yuu-chan!” Floyd said.

Yuu glared up at him. He would not be tricked into becoming inhuman, thanks.

Unfortunately, Floyd just seemed to think this was cute, because he pressed a kiss to Yuu’s forehead and squeezed him just a little tighter.

Yuu stabbed his knife into Floyd’s shoulder.

Which made his entire arm spazz out for a second. So, Yuu went crashing to the floor.

Yuu suffered. Every day. All the time.

Maybe this is why you don’t stab the people who are carrying you. An important thing to remember for later.

He sighed, pushing himself up to sit. At least the carpet cushioned his fall. A little. Like, marginally.

“Why are you here, senpai?” Yuu asked.

Azul hesitated, briefly, shuffling from one foot to the next. “Well, running a society is somewhat time-consuming, and I, occasionally, forget to sleep.”

“‘Forget’,” Jade said. He didn’t actually scoff, but the feeling of a scoff was definitely there.

Azul pulled his glasses down so he could glare at Jade. Yuu’s gaze caught on the dark bruising beneath his eyes.

“How do you forget to sleep for, like, three days in a row?” Yuu said.

Now Azul was glaring at him, too. Fun.

(It actually was a little funny, watching Azul’s head spin on a swivel so he could continually glare at either Jade or Yuu.)

Floyd rested his chin on Yuu’s good shoulder, smiling widely. “Exactly. So, since he’s stupid and can’t take care of himself, we take care of him instead!”

Yuu just nodded along. This all checked out. He still wasn’t sure why Azul was here, though.

“Now,” said Jade, placing his hands delicately on Azul’s shoulders before pushing him over, sending him toppling into the bed. “Sleep.”

Oh. Ohhhhhh.

If Azul wasn’t going to sleep, then Jade and Floyd were going to make him sleep. And the only way they could do that was if Azul was in the same bed as them.

Which would be fine. If Yuu wasn’t also, according to Zombie Law, forced to sleep in the same bed as any zombies who were currently watching over him.

“I’ll sleep on the couch!” Yuu said hastily. “It’s within view, so you guys don’t have to –!”

Arms wrapped around his waist from behind, lifting him just far enough off of the ground that he couldn’t get enough leverage to run away.

He went for his knife, but found his pocket already empty.

Damn it. He’d already used the stab Floyd in the shoulder trick once before! They were wise to it, now! Nooooo!

Despite their struggles against The System, it wasn’t long before Yuu and Azul were forced to lay beside each other in bed, as stiff as boards despite the two zombies wrapped around them.

Said zombies were openly staring at the two humans in their arms. Which is fun. You know, ever since Yuu was a little boy, he had always thought that the thing that would make sleep easier was two sets of eyes on him while he was trying to relax! So, really, he was having the time of his life right now!

(At least Grim had the decency to pretend to sleep.)

Yuu looked at Azul.

“If you have a nightmare I’m making you deal with it on your own.”

Azul’s eyes narrowed. “You’re such a disrespectful junior.”

“I am not doing any of the ‘there was only one bed’ tropes.”

~

“This place smells like an ashtray,” Azul commented when he stepped inside a few days later, his nose wrinkling.

Frankly, Yuu agreed. He tried to stay in the corner, to keep it as far away from where people actually lingered as he possibly could, but that wasn’t really how air worked…

He looked at the ceiling, and realized there was a thin layer of smoke over the whole room. Honestly, he’d barely even noticed. Dully, he wondered if he was slightly high. He had been trying to not inhale anything, because a cigarette addiction didn’t sound particularly easy to deal with, but… well, he was certainly calmer than he should be when cooped up like this.

He shook his head to clear it, and took a moment to recall what the conversation had been about. He really was high, huh?

Whatever.

“Certain people won’t let me open the window.”

Jade and Floyd sported infuriating smiles.

“I do not smell anything,” Jade said.

“You don’t breathe,” Azul hissed.

“We can breathe if we want to,” Floyd said, doing an exaggerated inhale –.

And then he erupted into a coughing fit.

“Ha!” said Azul. “Told you!”

Needless to say, Yuu was now allowed to open the window to smoke.

(If, privately, he missed the high, and maybe ‘accidentally’ breathed in cigarette smoke every once in a while, then that was no one’s business but his own.)

~~~~~

Pt22>

[sugarcloudsky]

Can I request for a capsicin cookie x reader who is a scovilla student who is egotistical but is really shy and flustered when recieving praise and compliments

「Capsaicin with an Egotistical yet Shy S/O」

character: capsaicin cookie

wc: 514

cws: reader is a tad bit mean but otherwise none

hi!!!! ^_^ wrote this one pretty fast LOL, hope it came out ok!! i feel like i didn’t properly portray an egotistical reader, but i still hope you’re happy with this!!!

Although you and Capsaicin Cookie knew of each other’s existence prior to your actual meetings, you’d never really spoken to him other than a few words or greetings.

There wasn’t any bad blood between the two of you, you just never really spoke to him and in return, he never really spoke to you. In fact, he was the one always greeting you in the halls and exchanging pleasantries.

Capsaicin Cookie’s passionate and outgoing demeanor annoyed you (although only slightly, you were just sleepy and cranky), so much so that you began to ignore him whenever he spoke to you. You didn’t hate him, you were just too tired to deal with his loud voice.

This didn’t seem to deter him, though! Every morning without fail, he would greet you with a toothy grin and a wave. He would only let out a hearty chuckle when he saw you turn away and let out a ‘hmph’.

The day you actually had actually spoken with Capsaicin, was the day you were both paired up for a class assignment.

He smiled and sat next to you. You were about to make some sort of snide remark, when he says something that makes your brain completely short circuit.

“I’m excited to work with you! I’ve heard really good things about you!”

Capsaicin laughs with his signature annoyingly cute smile, seemingly oblivious to the expression you were making right now. Not like you wanted him to see, though.

His simple little compliment was somehow enough to make you completely red in the face, flustered and embarrassed.

He doesn’t notice you trying to hide your expression until he opens his eyes and sees you facing away from him in an awkward position.

“Are you okay…?”

“Yup! Totally fine!” That was a lie.

Capsaicin may have been oblivious to many things, but your response to his comment was not one of those things.

Capsaicin Cookie was a simple guy. He, quite frankly, found you a bit cute. He’d been admiring you from afar for a bit, simply saying hello to you every morning before classes began. But now, sitting next to you like this? He was more than just happy to be there.

He thought your prickly personality was intriguing. He wasn't put off by it unlike many of his other classmates, he just wanted to get closer to you, thinking maybe he would be able to break down those walls you kept up.

The compliment he gave you wasn’t just him trying to flatter you, he truly meant it! Capsaicin was excited to work with you not just because it was you, but also because he’d heard you were quite the cookie!

But you couldn’t imagine the way his heart skipped a beat when he noticed your flushed cheeks and ears. He felt… proud of being the one to make you react like that.

He almost wants to do it again.

“Let’s just get to work, alright? Capsaicin Cookie—”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?”

“W— what?!”

Oh, he is going to do it again.

[kakerutori]

Awkwardness, tension, and lies part 2: Michael, I damn well know who you are.

I’m trying to be funny with that title, but I’m also so not. It’s crazy that we have the airport scene at all to highlight tensions, but the fact that Mike acts the way that he does around Will astounds me most about that whole situation.

Here’s why.

Mike argued in the Rink-o-Mania fight that he focused on sending letters to El, that Will should have reached out if he wanted to talk, that it was Will’s fault that they drifted apart. Once he blamed his prioritizing his girlfriend, twice he blamed Will. He never blamed himself. But then he did by episode 4. He called himself “a total self-pitying idiot.” He made up with Will. It was pretty clear that he missed Will, especially when he said that “Hawkins, it’s not the same without you.”

So Mike did miss him. Right? And if that’s true, then he was lying in that fight, right? He could have done better. Dare I say it, Mike probably wishes he could have done better.

Backtrack to episode 2 with the airport scene, the first hug. Mike misses Will. Thanks to foresight, we know this for a fact. And even if Mike wasn’t truly thinking about missing Will at the time, it’s there. It exists. Missing someone - even if it’s only realized in a short amount of time - doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow burn. Why then doesn’t he hug Will, say that he missed him, and let the fact settle in his mind?

The thing is that the show seems to answer this as Mike “worrying too much about El,” as said in the apology in episode 4, which leads me to believe that he was expressing indifference in that airport scene because he wasn’t really thinking about Will. But then how might Mike explain his behavior towards that painting? He takes two looks at Will and clocks it and immediately asks about what it is. He might be inquisitive for a number of reasons that we don’t get. Maybe it’s because of El mentioning it in her letter. Maybe it’s because Mike’s never seen Will brandish such a large piece before, and he’s curious. Maybe it’s because he’s trying to make small talk. Whatever the weather, Mike is interested in Will by asking. But he also doesn’t try to show it. He takes Will’s answer about it and cooly says, “cool.” Dead-faced. So, hm. Every which way you look at his reactions and composure in that airport scene, it seems like there’s no clear way to understand his motives.

Unless he’s hiding something. Because to me, this all sounds like Mike is hiding something, and him hiding something would quite frankly answer everything.

See, the thing is that for Will, he hasn’t changed so much over the seasons. He’s still sassy, he’s still strong at heart, he still fights for what’s right. And he still. Loves. Mike. I said in my last post that they both changed, but in actuality, Will was ready to welcome Mike with open arms, give him his painting, and love him no matter what, just like before. It’s Mike who stifled that by being withdrawn. Mike changed. And it’s Mike’s withdrawal that caused Will to change his attitude.

So notice how the story becomes so labyrinthine and Byler-centered at the get-go in season 4 because of Mike. I think that the show being in either El or Will’s perspective/focus whenever Mike is on screen is so interesting because we know that Mike has changed, but we never quite understand how, and it leaves us guessing.

In that airport scene, is he happy to see Will? Is he nervous to see Will? Is he trying to ignore Will? It could be, and I believe that it is, all three, but one thing is for sure: Mike isn’t truly indifferent. If he was indifferent, he wouldn’t have pulled the gayest most heartwarming apology for what he said in the Rink-o-Mania fight and basically ask Will to be in his life exactly as they were again. No, Mike isn’t one for indifference with Will. We’ve seen this in season 3 in him bringing Lucas to go biking to Will’s house in the rain to apologize. Mike pursues Will. And for Mike, that never changes.

With all of this in mind, with Mike factually and expressively missing Will, with Mike changing and being withdrawn, with Mike still choosing to pursue Will later on, in that airport scene, what could he be hiding?

To answer this, I bring back the concepts of awkwardness, tension, and lies. Guess what ties all three of those things together along with his missing, withdrawing from, and still pursuing Will; that’s right! Deep-seated, internally homophobic, hidden feelings.

Mike hugged Dustin after Erica won Eddie’s campaign. He hugged Lucas at the hospital. He’s not immune to hugging his best friends or something. This is about Will. There’s something different about him, to Mike. And I hear the question, well, wasn’t it the distance that was different? Mike stayed in Hawkins with Dustin and Lucas. Maybe he’s just more comfortable with them. But to that I say, okay, so, if we believe that, then Mike didn’t hug Will because he doesn’t know Will anymore, and he’s uncomfortable being close to him after a long time. But from the way that he chose to reach out to Will and remain close to him emotionally tells me so much otherwise. Even after all that time, Mike made amends first after their fight. He gleaned that Will wanted things to change. He knew that he was at fault all on his own. “Oh, I didn’t say it.” “You didn’t have to.”

And, mind you, they fought because of the tension at the airport scene! I think that I need to really make that clear. I’ve been using the Rink-o-Mania fight as a crutch to my case, but truly, it’s on the main page just as much as the airport scene! The tension culminated with their fight. They were mad at each other. They had reasons to be, too. They left off unresolved. Things could have soured and we may have never gotten answers as to why Mike walked away. And then that could have been it! That could have been the end of Mike and Will! The Duffers could have had their storylines no longer intersect and their chemistry fall completely flat, but no. Mike gave an entire heartfelt apology and that was one of the only times that seasons that we heard from his heart and his thoughts. And it was all to Will.

Mike undeniably still knew Will; he knew him enough to know what he did wrong and came around realizing what Will had argued to him. Mike wanted to be comfortable with him again. So no, he didn’t truly alienate Will nor become too uncomfortable with him not to wish “best friend”ship again with him. But he wasn’t that way at the airport, so what gives? What first impression hampered him from being close to Will if he, deep down, wanted closeness with Will? What complicated things so much that he had to hesitate with Will at first?

Truly, the moment that Mike made the airport scene awkward, I think that Bylers won. We didn’t get Will tripping over his feet, down bad for Mike and giving him the painting right then and there to be rejected. We didn’t get them hugging like it was nothing. We didn’t get comfortable smiles. We got tension, conflict, resolve, and betterment. We got everything. And we saw Will’s van confession, so we know that he’s been pining after Mike. And from the setup of the airport scene, with the question of what is Mike hiding? I think that Mike could damn well be pining after Will, too. I believe that there’s love at work here, a kind of love that binds people together. A kind that fights and makes up. A kind that slowly figures out how to navigate life together and confronts and mollifies pain as needed. A kind that gives advice and listens. A kind that can’t stop watching the other for assurance. A kind that gives each other their all.

I love the airport scene because, in my mind, it solidifies the fact that something’s up with Mike that we don’t know explicitly yet that we’ll have to explore next season. We’ve been given Will’s heart, we’ve been given El’s heart, but Mike has deflected self-vulnerability time and time again for the sake of others. But interestingly enough, the one exception is his apology to Will. (And, no, I don’t count his monologue to El in the final episode of season 4 as true vulnerability. Truth is, El was dying on that table and Mike had a sense of obligation to save her - wholly or not, a sense at least, and if you disagree with that then you don’t know Mike at all - so all of his words might not have been true.) I hope that he gets to be a little selfish for his own good next season and focuses on himself.

And maybe, just maybe, we’ll know what hindered him at that airport. What he was truly thinking about. Perhaps who he was truly thinking about.

[jc4ltm]

Six Days - [2.5] – Exodus / Shemot 

Again, it is one of those times when you just must stare at Lou, focused and do whatever you can to not start swooning over him. My mind would constantly remind me to focus though, and I knew that his amazing beauty had to be one of the clues as to which angel he was, but I never actually paid attention to the bible, or Sunday school or anything that had to do with religion. I knew two of the Ten Commandments at best, and I am still getting over the fact that God is she. That of course was the hardest part to get through my mind since we are a male centric society. I wondered aloud obviously why nobody understood that God was a woman, and Lou answered it a lot easier than I thought he would while he still stared straight ahead. “Women create life Anna. Men destroy it. I would have thought that somewhere along the way mortals would have gotten that through their thick skulls,” and then he laughed as he then said, “I’m one to talk,” and then he trailed off in both words and laughter. He stared off deadly serious again. At what I have not a clue. 

That changed dramatically though as the last thing I wanted to see at the other end of the park was that big freak step out into the clearing, and just stare at us from about five hundred feet away, “Why would he do something like that with you sitting here?” 

“He’s taunting me,” Lou said with a matter of fact attitude, sort of like it should have been obvious, and had it been two kids on the playground I might have understood a lot easier, but I assume that on their own level it must be about the same, “He tests me to see how I will react to certain things he does, and he wants to find a way to exploit me,” Lou’s eyes never left him mind you, “He doesn’t like being bound to my vicinity very much, and I don’t like the way he gets around the law, so I am worried that the ending may never happen for him,” he took a long look up, “But I have you this time don’t I babe?” and at first I thought he was talking to me, but somehow realized he was talking about a whole different babe and in a whole different plane. 

“What’s the end you’re talking about?” I asked him timidly because it does not sound like something that had a happy answer, and I was quite right. I was growing to get very used to having him around already which quite frankly scared me a little because in the real frame of things he is not supposed to be around at all, and the circumstances for him being here are not that great obviously. Of course, in my mind there is not supposed to be an end for someone who is omnipotent, so this was going to be an education of sorts. 

“When an omnipotent is absent from their realm they are limited to a lot of things that they can do. We are not supposed to be able to affect the weather, but Darius does. We are not allowed to claim lives that are not our own, but Darius does. We cannot continue to exist past the sixth day, and I am afraid that Darius might,” and with that he started clenching his fists. “It is for the women to create sentient beings and after eons of existence, I took it upon myself to create life, to try to create something to take on my burdens so that I could cease to exist. I am sick of it, and I could think of nothing else. My lawful nature has destroyed me and created something that I never wanted. He is desperate now as he realized that I can make him cease to exist regardless if I cease to exist,” again as he looks up, which really is starting to give me the creeps, “Then what’s she going to do?” came out with a very nasty tone as he nodded his head skyward. 

I was perplexed by the confusing way he was babbling about things that were above my head now. I had no understanding of what he created and why his burdens were so bad, and I still did not get the whole concept of a “lawful nature”, and he was not making it any easier as he rambled in a manner that he seemed to think should be understood by me. It is one of the problems he has in the fact that he usually talks to other omnipotent beings, and I have become such an anomaly to him that he loses track of who he is talking to. It made sense to me anyway, and now I had to find a way to put the provocative question that was starting to eat at me into words. I grasped the first thing that I could ask that made sense or at the very least would give sensibility to what he was saying, “What was it your lawful nature destroyed and forced you to create that you never wanted?” 

Lou stopped short for a minute, and he might have realized that he was rambling to someone who did not have all the tools to grasp what he was saying. He did not take his eyes off Darius though as if to do so would destroy the planet. He said only one word and it was what I feared he was going to say, but there was no prize for winning final Jeopardy on this one as it was almost obvious, “Me.” 

It was that feeling that you get when you are sitting in science class, and you never studied a bit for the test you are about to take. I was doing my best to cram for this test, but it was all for naught as there was a heck of a lot more than a pass, fail scenario playing itself out here. My mind only half comprehends what he is talking about most of the time, but the more I did comprehend the more I started to understand the strange way he talked about things. Especially times like these when he forgets who his audience is. How could I know? I do not comprehend it all in the outer worldly sense, but I did want to know a few more things while I had him here captivated to the audience across the field.  “Let me understand, but when you cease to exist you simply die right, and if you are omnipotent how come you still need to figure things out? It seems silly …” 

“When you cease to exist then you never existed, I figured that one out a while ago, and would give anything to cease my miserable existence, but I am bound by the law to fulfill my place,” he jumped to his feet really quickly, and startled me, but not Darius in the least. He struggled along with what he was saying, “My problem in all of this as far as you are concerned is that you can hear what I am saying, and you shouldn’t,” and I was a bit offended at what he was saying since I was sitting right here and all. I mean, I am not the greatest thing since sliced bread, but there is no reason to go insulting me when I am within ear shot. He then started saying to me as if he was reading my mind, “I am not speaking English Anna, I am speaking a language that never existed on this world, and it does not even have a name off this world. It does not even make a sound on this world, so we use it when we are among the mortals so that they do not hear us talking to each other, well that is until now.” 

I gasped because that is what girls do when something spectacular happens. Well, ok it is what this girl has always done when something spectacular happens. I do not have a clue why I understand his strange language, but I do and aside from the fact that that is very cool, it was a bad time to learn about this because everything seems to be gearing up for these two to tangle and then this language becomes moot. “Are you two going to clash now that you are poised? There is a World Wrestling thing going on here?” and that was the most comfortable thing I had said in a while. The omnipotent do not faze me one bit now? 

As he sat down again he started saying, “The problem here is that no matter how fast I move he can move just as fast, and that distance there gives him about the equivalent of a week in your time to simply start moving,” he looked at me staring at him in utter confusion and I think he mistook it for another womanly attempt to force him to continue, “If I never existed then he never happened, so if I can remain here for less than five more days, and should I cross past the exact time of six days then I disappear and everything that has ever happened since the dawn of time changes, but I am willing to assume that it is better than what the world would look like with him running around through it,” again I stared at him and I think he can feel it because his eyes never left Darius, “Omnipotent is one of those words that gets a bit stretched in this plain of existence because it is beyond anything that a human being will ever know. When you are on your computer it takes time for it to search through data no matter how fast it is. You must think of it being on an infinite scale at that point when your computer, no matter how good it is, it is quite finite.” 

“I thought you said that you were bound to fulfill your place, so how can you simply cease to exist?” I asked with a bit of trepidation, as I am starting to think that I am not asking the right questions again, but I added to it before he could start, “Why do you seem so angry at God if that is who you always seem to be talking to when you look up, I mean you’re an angel, so I would think …” and that was when I was shut off by Lou who changed his tone quite a bit as I noticed that Darius was walking nearer to us. 

“I am not capable of anger in the sense that you know it, my issues with God are my own for I found my way into the knowledge of why she created me,” he stood up to stare at Darius as he stalked closer to us, very slowly but you could see him nearing slightly, ever so slightly closer, “I have never actually been happy, nor sad, and my eternities of walking alone while surrounded by many with nothing but total indifference is a sentence that nobody should ever deserve,” the tone that his voice carried was more powerful than his usual soft tones, and there was a bit of a transforming effect as he continued standing at the ready. Darius was up to something, and I was paralyzed to do much more than sit and wait for what was coming. “I have been misconceived throughout time for all of my passions that I was specifically created with, and despite the Hell I have been forced to endure since the dawn of time I have accepted my fate as it was the law that bound me, and being trapped surrounded by the worst criminals, the rapists, the psychopaths, the dishonest, the lying, and every other piece of human filth and debris has not been deserving and for once in all of this as I am forced to carry out the law once again for what I have done, I ask YOUR God and the God who has forgotten to change the truth and the stories that everyone assumes that they know, why it was me that was chosen by creation to carry the wrath that I was created simply for?” His voice was now that of rage, “I am a product of my maker, and I have had it with playing by the rules, but I can’t get around them, and for that I am angry at those that can and those that did!” 

Darius had finally stopped dead, as if his own fear were starting to grow, and it was understandable as Lou was starting to scare me. His voice echoing throughout the field, as he very calculatedly explained what he has obviously been dying to say for so long that he does not even remember when he became self-aware of anything at all. His entire body was appearing to get bigger as even his own clothing was starting to look a bit tight on him, and his words started to continue as his seething eyes were fixated right onto Darius who was now appearing to slowly creep away again, “I am no better as I look at that fiend that I have to find a way to destroy so that my last sin can be rectified, and anger may be the only word I can use to describe how I feel, and not because I hate him. He does not comprehend his own horrible reason for creation any more than I did, and now as I find a way to destroy him, I am quite envious that he will cease to exist before he has had eternities of torment as I have. My anger is at God for being too much of a coward to carry my burdens of holding onto the hell and chaos for her so that she could carry on her perceptions of purity and light,” and with that Lou had dropped to his knees and continued to stare at Darius who was stuck in his own position. “Revenge is hardly God like or saintly but if I cease to exist then an eternity of the evil half of God will be forced upon her memories in an instant, and omnipotent doesn’t protect you from that which is overwhelming by your own standards.” 

Lou was growing in immensity and in that Darius was shrinking by contrast. For someone who is incapable of hatred he sure was doing a stellar job of it as he started going from a loud bark to a dull roar, that would be rumbling the entire town if it were not for the fact that he was speaking his outer worldly language. I couldn’t say a word I was simply frozen to my bench and Lou wasn’t finished himself as he gave out a few more words of wisdom to me, “Be careful what you wish for Anna, you may be stuck with it for a lot longer than your mind in this present form can ever comprehend,” and he then poised himself in what looked like it was about to lunge into a full sprint like a man about to hit the forty yard dash. He asked one last question of me, “Why do you wear a white dress in your dreams Anna?” 

I was terrified, rightfully so because I had figured out the secret that he had been so dying to tell me in an instant and regardless of what you see with your own eyes the concept of what you have been taught your whole life will always trump that which you know to be true. What you seem to think anyway is true, but before I could say anything or somehow try to ascertain a little better the whole scenario as it was laid out for me, I saw Darius turn just slightly to his right and both he and Lou totally vanished. Something far off in the distance was starting to float slowly as if it were in a dream state to the ground. I saw the white dress in my mind as it floated away into the sky and pass the dark red, blood red as if it were not so overused and gothic to say that pattern, pass through it on the way down. Both Lou and Darius had bolted off running at speeds that my brain could not even fathom, but the last word I barely whispered seemed to just linger in the air, long after they were gone, and it echoed repeatedly in a horrifying condemnation of me, “Lucifer …” ... to be continued. 

[pollydoodles]

My assumption on this - from a writers perspective - is that they deliberately put in this poor excuse. And the background is almost certainly a mix of “well she’s made a pivot from being a soldier to this, and we all know which role she’s better at” and “it’s government mandated, so this is a tick box exercise at best and frankly it’s more a case of keeping a governmental eye on this guy and assessing his state of mind” rather than actual psychological help.

The aspect is that Bucky’s narrative journey in TFATWS is from a man who doesn’t believe he deserves any peace or redemption to a man who is starting to see that, only only might he deserve it but it could actually be within his grasp. Yes the therapist is terrible but I think at this point for Bucky even a good therapist would struggle to reach him.

You have to think you deserve help to be able to receive it.

It’s actually why I’m okay with the Endgame narrative for Steve - a lot of people really hate this and I do understand why, but for me Bucky is at this point where he’s recovered enough of himself to understand, remember and actively hate himself for the actions of The Winter Soldier. We all know he’s not to blame for that, but that isn’t how that sort of thing works - good people blame themselves.

He’s also aware enough of himself at this point that he knows he’s not the man that went to war in the 40s, and I think he probably thinks Steve idolises a version of Bucky that he simply can’t be anymore.

So he faces the possibility of hanging around with a man who believes in him and his goodness so strongly, who believes that he can be this man again, and I think that’s hard for Bucky. Not to mention that, if you’re in the position of castigating yourself for the actions of The Winter Soldier, to be besties with Captain America must be a challenge. You’re hating yourself for all these awful things you did, whilst hanging out with the guy who is So Good that he was fully prepared to square up to Thanos on his own with nothing but his own fists and a broken shield.

The other part is touched on in your post - Bucky has been pulled unwillingly into fight after fight after fight. He’s very clear when Steve meets him in Romania in CW that he doesn’t want to fight but is resigned to the fact that this is, somehow, always the way it goes.

And then we have Steve, a man who by his own admission can’t step away from a fight. His driving force is always The Greater Good and yes, in CW that focus is very much on Bucky.

Bucky, on the other hand.

This is a man who would be quite happy living a quiet life more or less on his own. This is probably the only peace that Bucky has really known since he escaped being TWS. He’s not on the run anymore, he’s living this uncomplicated existence, no one is asking anything more of him.

But the Steve Factor means that there’s always a chance that he’s going to be asked to suit up. And because Bucky loves Steve, because he owes Steve, he’s always going to answer that call - even if it’s really not the man he wants to be anymore, because it’s the man that Steve expects him to be.

So if Steve hesitantly raises this question, probably even as a throwaway, joking comment, about just staying in the 40s, I could see Bucky pushing that. Not only for himself, but also for Steve - the man who gives and has given everything of himself to everyone else his entire life.

Bucky feels that he is in his debt, he feels he doesn’t deserve nice things and he probably feels that Steve does. There’s also an argument that people who are so low and who feel that they are Bad People tend to push others away. It’s far more understandable that Bucky would push Steve away if you start to pick at the pieces of the little we’re shown.

By the end of TFATWS, Bucky has been shown by Sam and Sam’s family that there might actually be a place for him in this modern world. Which I think is a big deal, because on top of dealing with TWS, it’s also about the displacement he feels.

Steve is blindsided initially by the modern world, but for him it seems to be mostly disappointment about losing his chance with Peggy. He adapts quite quickly to 21st century life and he actively seeks out from others the things *they* feel are important, so he can learn more not just about the world he’s in now but also about the people he cares about.

Contrast with Bucky, whose only contribution on this point is that he likes music from the 40s. It’s a throwaway line that could be read as just some comic relief, but I think it shows far more his state of mind - he’s resentful of being here, he is still very much in a place where he can’t accept where he is because he’s still yearning for the life that was taken from him.

It’s understandable, of course, but if he is going to find a place for himself where he is, he needs to square those feelings.

I will never get over my hatred for Bucky’s “therapist” (I’m using that term extremely loosely). like, you have this man who has been tortured, traumatized, abused, and brutalized- and you don’t believe him when he says he just wants peace? He didn’t choose to go from fight to fight for eighty years- he was forced to. He didn’t even choose to enter into the military, he was drafted. He was dragged out of his rest in Wakanda and had to re-enter yet another fight. And he hasn’t known a moment of quiet since.

Fuck you, Dr. Raynor.

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).

So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.

So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.

(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)

(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)

so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them

One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.

I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.

I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.

Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.

Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.

So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.

It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.

Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.

Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.

Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.

Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.

I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.

Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.

Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.

Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.

Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.

I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.

I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.

I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.

I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.

I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.

When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.

I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.

I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.

Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.

Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.

The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.

[romanoffsbish]

The Damned, and the Dame

Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Wanda x Vision ; Natasha x F!R (☠️)

Prompts

“After everything you've done, I still love you. with all I am.”

Every muscle in her body ached, the adrenaline built up from the chase, and the immense power garnered from the dark hold having faded by now. All Wanda wanted to do was to curl up in her bed, close her eyes, and quite frankly—never awake again. There was nothing left for her here, Vision was gone for good, along with their kids, and if she allowed herself to think about her greatest loss, then she’d be able to acknowledge your absence as well, and just how much it still hurts to have lost you.

————————————

The first person she ever truly loved, who loved her back without a second thought, when in reality you would’ve been better to run like the world told you to. For years you two were happy, then one night she couldn’t look at you without feeling resentment. The smile never faded from your face, even though you’d lost just as much as she did, if not more really. It’d felt unfair to her, that happiness just came so easily to you, but had she been paying any attention she’d have known your never ending supply of joy was because of her, not in spite.

Pushing you away felt like the right thing to do; months of unwarranted silence left you in a fit of confusion, you racked your mind for any answers for the cold shoulder, only to find it when Wanda was hanging off the arm of the synthezoid. The glint in her eyes was enough to tell you she’d been cheating on you, at least in some capacity, and the heartbreaking sight of her kissing his cheek left you gasping for air. Stumbling back into the wall, a wave of nausea rolled through you, and you ran off to collect your things, planning to disappear for awhile for the betterment of all those around you.

You’d always thought your love, born in your youth, would stand the test of time, but fate never seemed to be willing to work in your favor, and you never were one to push back.

Wanda moved on first, but when you’d returned months later, in good spirits, and with your arm wrapped snuggly around the waist of the redhead the room began to spin, the entirety of her oxygen leaving her lungs, her heart stilled, and she was unfortunately vividly reminded of the night you left.

She’d returned to your shared room, a petty annoyance in her heart in preparation for seeing you, but when she found the room vacant of your existence, with a simple note on the bed reading: “I hope he makes you happy, I’m sorry that I no longer could…,” her heart had stopped then too, and even with her new beau it never seemed to beat the same again.

Wanda knew the world likely believed her to be dead, it was an agreed upon notion between her and the sorcerer that guided her back to sanity. Strange had nodded from the corpses frame when she looked to him, because if he didn’t agree then he’d have to send her to the raft, and he could see the despondence in her dull green eyes—she was no longer a threat.

Not only did the world think it, she herself wished it, but she promised you along time ago that she’d never give up. Even though she broke it by doing so with you, she reasoned it best to atone for such sins by forcing herself to continue going on; living was her repentance.

There had been only a few places she could go, she settled on a cabin in the woods of Norway, but as she approached it she saw a light on. Every hair on her body stood at attention, she had no intention to fight anyone else, she was exhausted, but this was her home now, the one she had once dreamed up with you in the peak of your relationship. There was no way she’d just let someone infiltrate it, and take away the only piece of you she had left, even if it meant drawing attention to herself after just agreeing with Strange that she would remain low.

The closer she got to the house though she found her body losing its fight, a deep calm began to settle in her heart at the familiar smell of your cologne, and the hum leaving through the kitchen window nearly had her tripping in an attempt to reach you. She knew it was a long shot, most of her believed this to be residual mind games from the dark magic, but on the off chance it wasn’t she wasn’t about to waste any more time standing outside.

Wanda froze in the doorway, it was you, there was just no mistaking that physique., “Y/N?,” you knew she was there, but it took you a minute to grow the confidence to face her. You’d come here the moment the news of her defeat made it to the headlines, and just as you expected—hoped—she was very much alive., “So you’re not dead then?,” you tried to sound indifferent, but the dinner on the stove for two and the relief in your eyes were enough to tell Wanda that some naive part of you still cared.

“Well, I’m making dinner, and I will go draw you up a bath, because you look kinda rough.,” Wanda’s heart fluttered in her chest at your soft smirk, and teasing chuckle, so much so that she was overwhelmed with a need to be close to you. Needing to feel you to know this moment was real, so even in her dirtied state she slammed her body into yours, tightly wrapping her arms around you, and only truly settling when you returned her gesture after the shock of her urgency wore off.

“Y/N, why are you here?,” she asked the question of the hour.,” you grimaced at the dark thoughts that had plagued you all day., “Because I needed to see you were alive.,” you felt a tightening in your chest, the words you omitted were stinging the tip of your tongue., “After everything you've done, I still love you. with all I am.,” you sighed, choosing messy honesty over beating around the bush any longer., “Why would you?”

“Because no matter what I know your heart Wanda, I’ve known you since we were little kids in a war torn country. When you don’t understand something you become defensive, you also tend to run, for all of that I forgive you, and my love for you will never waver.”

“It should,” she sniffled, but contrary to her sentiments she snuggles into your embrace further., “We’ve suffered enough apart Wanda, we’ve lost so much, why should we continue on this way when we could just let love heal us?”

“I-I’ve done a lot of bad things Y/N/N.,” she cries into your shirt, her hand clutching to the fabric tightly in fear of losing you after you see the monster she’s become., “I know Wanda, you got lost in your grief, it wasn’t right, but who on the team hasn’t?,” you reasoned., “Literally, Clint went on a killing spree, Tony and Bruce created Ultron without punishment, Steve put Bucky above every last one of us then left us all behind in a post Thanos world, truly the list could go on, and on Wanda. You did some bad things, yes, and it cost people their lives, you should feel guilty, but not to the point where you’d believe you’re a bad person.”

“I broke your heart.,” she reminds you, as if that was the worst of it all., “Yeah, you did, but for that I’m grateful.,” her eyebrows furrowed., “It gave us a chance to grow up, I was able to see love from a different lens. I felt free with Natasha, my love for her was true, as yours was for Vision, but it was never deep like ours was.”

“We’re soulmates Wands, Piet had always said it, and after all this time I know he was right.,” she pulled her head from your shoulder to gaze at you, her hands gently cupped your cheeks, and she pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. Tears began to befall both of your cheeks at the reacquainting of lips. Wanda sighed as she reluctantly pulled away from you, “Heart, Body, and Soul… Y/N, all of me belongs to you; please tell me, does this mean you’ll stay?”

“Wanda, if you will shower, I’d do anything.,” she pushed at your chest with a huff, but she couldn’t help but to chuckle along with you., “I’m holding you to that detka.,” she lowly whispered, winking and leaving you stunned. The witch smirked, grateful to know you’re still so easy to fluster, then she left with a kiss to your cheek, and a warmth in both your hearts.

————————————

1,490 Words

🥰 Kaitlyn 🥺

[galactic-academia]

A Good Rub

Rating: E, minors pass your way.

Category: F/M

Fandom: The Mandalorian

Relationship: Cobb Vanth x F!Reader

Tags: Flirting, language, fluff, massage (M receiving), fingering (F receiving), very brief oral sex (M receiving), dirty talk, unprotected PIV (don’t be a fool: wrap your tool)

Words: 5,2K

Summary: Cobb Vanth is the best Marshal Mos Pelgo could have dreamed of, but at the end of the day, he’s still a man and his back is killing him. That, you can take care of (loosely set before the events of TBOBF)

Notes: Alright, believe it or not, but I’ve been working on that for months, so I’m very happy to finally share it. I’m not used to write smut, but I did my best, please be indulgent, also I’m not a native, please, forgive my mistakes. Reader is described as a woman with breasts and female genitalia, but no further descriptions (if somethings escaped to me, please say so and I’ll correct it).

Masterpost | Ask | Guidelines | Timothy Olyphant Masterlist

«Oh, stars! Right there...»

He hadn’t meant to sound like this; needy, hoarse, it had been punched out of his lungs and he was considering himself lucky that this vulnerable sound hadn’t turned into a full moan. Still, he blushed as you immediately complied, pressing hard into the muscles of the Marshal’s lower back, then repeating the exact same move, but with less intensity, and again, softly - almost caressing - before setting on another group of muscles.

It had been your idea, you had started all of this - that he was sure about - but how exactly he had turned lucky enough to end up lying, half naked, in your bed; Cobb Vanth was still processing. Not to mention the fact that you were Hell bent on helping him to relax, thus the massage the Marshal was currently enjoying... A little too much.

Granted, it had been a tough day; Barzan’s flock of banthas having run off the previous night, as many people of Mos Pelgo as there were available land-speeders had tramped the Dunes Sea in search of the contumacious animals all day long. On the evening, Barzan had all his cattle back and secure in a paddock, and Taanti had treated the valiant sand rangers to a round of drinks on the house - even if he had grumbled in his non-existent beard all along.

Of course, Cobb had partaken in the searching mission today; led it, actually, he also had helped Barzan to steer his banthas back where they belonged after roaming the desert for hours, and he went to Taanti’s celebration, for the Weequay would certainly have removed the Marshal’s head from his shoulders if he hadn’t.

It was beginning to be late when Cobb had left the cantina. Quite frankly, there was nothing his heart desired more than just lying down and be unconscious for a few hours, but he still had business to attend.

«AWWww...»

Unfortunately for him, while still being in excellent shape, vigorous and strong as all Hell, the Marshal wasn’t as young as he used to be, as his back just had nastily reminded him.

«Hiya, Marshal.»

Cobb grimaced to himself - of course, you would be the one to catch him during a vulnerable moment - before turning around to face you, all charming, cheeky smiles, and pretend to scratch an itch instead of holding on tight to his crumpling vertebrae. The good sheriff truly couldn’t care less about what people thought of his persona, he hadn’t any time for that kind of bantha shit. But you weren’t «people», and even if he would rather die than admit it out loud, Cobb always jumped on any and all occasions to impress you.

«Good evenin’, my fair lady», Cobb gave it a shot, even if he knew it was useless. Hadn’t you knew him as well as you did, you would have fallen for his act, but you could see right through him - on this point, at least - and knew your beloved Marshal was still upright by sheer stubbornness only.

«May I ask you where you’re heading to on this pleasant evening?»

You also were at Taanti’s, you knew where he was coming from and Cobb was sure you were ready to bid everything you had on the fact that he was not heading home. It was a game the two of you had been playing for far too long, and you were still falling in each other’s traps every single time. Falling for each other.

«I’m on my way to she Sheriff’s Office, where a thing or two are still waitin’ to be taken care of before I can call it a night.» Cobb noticed your arms crossed on your chest and your head tilted in frustration: that was what you were excepting to hear and you weren’t happy about it. «But if there’s anything you need, just say the word, and I’ll be all yours.»

You let a little huff escape by your nose and turned your head to the side, breaking eye contact, but a half smile blossomed on your lips nonetheless. Yeah, putting a smile on your face, he never failed to. Oh, you did bite your lips to try to conceal your growing grin, but in vain. You couldn’t resist the Marshal, he always managed to make you melt. Giving in, you grinned freely and even let yourself go as far as giggling. And there was nothing Cobb liked more than making you go all bashful.

«Indeed, Marshal, there’s something I do need.» You held your hand slightly, inviting Cobb to take it and brush his lips across your knuckles like he sometimes did when he felt brave enough, or when the need to be close to you turned into an ache impossible to soothe.

«Ma’am -», and he did, he did lift your hand and softly, delicately, let the plump of his lips and the tingle of his moustache caress the thin skin - not of your knuckles - but of your fingertips, «- your wishes are my commands.»

«Truly?» Oh he should know better than blindly trusting you when you act all innocent and shy like that. But, what can he say? You’re his weak spot.

«Whatever you want, just name it and I’m your man.»

Too much. He had said too much. It’s the truth, not even disguised as a tease or a silly jab. He would do whatever you want. He would be your man, if you’d let him. And yet, Cobb can’t make himself regret his words, not when these instants, hushed, stolen, whispered in the dark, are more thrilling than anything he has ever experienced.

Never taking your hand out of his, you turned around to go back inside, «Come on in, then Cobb», and he diligently followed you, like he promised he would. The Marshal hadn’t paid attention, when he was outside, that he had almost collapsed under your window and, as you led him to your bedroom, where you left him to go rummage into the adjoining little bathroom, he tried to not mull on that thought.

«So, what’s the problem? Is there a sand spider in there? Somethin’ that needs to be fixed?» Cobb was feeling antsy, he was trying to not invade your privacy, but miserably failing at not noticing the soft, rumpled sheets, appealing to his tired body. The pillows were looking unbearably comfy and he felt a sudden pang of longing at the thought of lying there, entangled with you, his nose buried in the nape of your neck - or in your hair - and just breathing you in... However, a flash of pink got him out of his reverie as soon as he caught it; was it your dressing gown laying there, abandoned, on the bed? Did you... Shed it?

Of course she’s in her sleeping attire, you moron, not everyone needs to be dead on their feet to judge it’s time for some shut eyes, like you do!

«My problem is that you’re literally working yourself to death.» You came out of the bathroom in your night gear only - and this time Cobb didn’t fail to notice it - and gave him a towel. «And since you promised you would do whatever I want, you’re going to lie down and let me give a good rub to your poor back.»

The Marshal should have been ashamed - and he would, had he been in his normal state -  but the sight of you had short-circuited his brain. You weren’t wearing anything fancy, but it was light enough to be bearable on this warm night. Ample, to be comfortable, the exact opposite of Cobb’s pants, becoming tighter by the minute, just seeing how much your breasts were now free to gently bounce as you waved in the direction of the bed. «Off with your clothes».

That caught the Marshal’s attention.

«I’m sorry, what?»

All flushed and looking down, you still powered through your embarrassment, «Y-you take off as much cl-clothes as you’re comfortable to and you lie on the bed. I’m... I’m going to give you a massage. If it’s ok with you?»

Cobb wanted to laugh, manically so. You, the plump, young, soft thing, were asking him, the broken, exhausted, middle-aged man, if he were ok with disrobing and lying in your bed so you could touch him? What the Hell are they putting in the Spotchka, these days? But sensing you wouldn’t agree with him on the absolute fuckery of the situation, the Marshal just croacked a «Yeah, darlin’, that’s very ok with me», before starting to blindly remove his bandolier and his blaster. And the bright smile you gave him before going back to the bathroom made him tell to his screaming conscience to go fuck itself.

As you had asked him to, the Marshal got rid of his shirt and his signature red scarf, then his boots and - while he was at it - his socks, because even if he were still trying to convince his traitorous body to calm the fuck down, Cobb was very well aware that there were a few things unsexier than a man in his drawers with his socks still on. To his credit, the good sheriff hadn’t had the intention to take his pants off, not until he truly looked at them. He had quickly showered before going to Taanti’s, but the celebration had been a little wild for some of the villagers and one of them had spilled their drink on Cobb. His shirt has been mostly spared, but his pants had taken it all and they were now sticky and stinking of alcohol. There was no way he was letting that garbage go anywhere near your little nest.

That’s how Cobb Vanth ended up to crawl - mostly naked - in your bed. No big deals, just a nice massage from a friend, nothing to fuss about. If only the rest of his body could get the memo... The Marshal was bitterly chastising himself and grabbing for a pillow to rest his head upon when you finally came back from the bathroom.

«Comfy?», you asked, dropping off some items Cobb hadn’t had time to identify, before crawling on the mattress and settling on the back of Cobb’s thighs.

Certain the Maker was testing him, the Marshal managed to croak a pitiful «Yeah», before he buried his face into the pillow. That proved to be a tactical error when, upon his first breath into the material, your smell flood his nose. Cobb must have grabbed just the one you sleep with; of course he had.

«Alright then,» he heard you mumbling to yourself, «let’s do this.» The Marshal felt you wiggling against his ass and fiddling with the Maker knows what for a few seconds, and the tingle of the material of your loose sleep shirt on his skin was torture already. However, nothing could have prepared him to the feeling of your hands. They were warm and soft, and gliding unexpectedly smoothly over his neck, shoulders and upper back. That alone was very pleasant, and Cobb was almost ready to lose the battle against his body when something cool went dripping onto his back, making him startle a little.

«Sorry, this is just some moisturiser, so your skin won’t be chafed. Is that ok?»

Not trusting his tongue anymore and biting on his lips to contain the groan that was threatening to escape, the Marshal just made a positive noise without lifting his face off the pillow.

Satisfied with the answer, you went back to work, first rubbing with the palm of your hands, before getting your fingers to dig into the knots you found, applying pressure and steadily moving.

«I’m so happy you’re letting me doing this for you», you spoke so quietly, hushedly, as if you were afraid to ruin the moment, or to scare him, «You’re always taking care of us, we’re so blessed to have you Cobb... I hope you know that.»

Hadn’t he been down to his briefs, dizzy with pleasure and with your knees bracketing his hips, the good Marshal would certainly have found a way to evade your praises. He would distract you or simply find a reason to flee. Your kind words made him uncomfortable; he craved them, like he craved your attention and your affection, but once he had them, he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. But here, trapped under you, with his brain flooded with endorphins... It wasn’t a problem anymore.

«You’re too good to me, sugar, I don’t deserve you.»

«You deserve everything and then some more, Cobb, let me be good to you.»

Somewhere deep inside, the Marshal knew he had put himself in an impossible position. You were there, showering him with soft touches and kindness, and whatever you may think, he was still just a man with an erection pressing into the mattress. Listening to you saying you wanted to be good to him wouldn’t help him to calm down, neither would the fact that you had now decided to give some love to his lower back, each movements of your hands pushing Cobb’s hips into the bed, forcing him to hump the sheets.

Some broken groans started to escape him, the Marshal couldn’t contain them anymore, not when he was growing harder and harder, his drawers damp with precome. Not when you were spurring him on.

«That’s it, here you go, let it all go, I’ve got you. Let it be good for you.»

Cobb was panting, trying his damnest to not squirm, to not lean into your touch and chase the friction your firm mattress provided to his cock, when it happened all at once. He felt your nimble fingers sneaking under the elastic of his underpants to access his lower vertebrae - those which were hurting the most - and kneed, sending a jolt of pleasure and pain up his spine and his hips grinding down against the bed some more.

«Oh, stars! Right there...»

No, Cobb hadn’t meant to sound like this, and he knew he should have asked you to stop, especially when he felt a warm burst of precome shoot from his throbbing shaft only to come dripping down, adding to the sticky mess he had made of his briefs, oozing through the fabric and into your sheets. But it was so good...

Lost into the sensation of your hands working his muscles back into submission, the Marshal unthinkingly grind down more violently and let out a sinful, purring sound... To which you echoed an answering moan.

It had been a tiny sound, a delightfully pathetic little mewl, but it stuck Cobb like lightening. He raised himself on his elbows and turned his head to look at you above his shoulder. There you were, still perched on the back of his legs, all flushed and dishevelled, mortified. Irresistible. One moment you were kneeling on the bed and the next Cobb had flipped you under him and was devouring your mouth like a starved man.

The squeaking noise you made when your back hit the mattress didn’t do anything to deter the Marshal, not when your arms immediately went around his shoulders and neck for you to pull him closer. It made something clench in Cobb’s chest and his hunger for you took the second place behind the absolute delight that flooded him. You wanted this at least as much as he did. You wanted him. The Marshal let his fever morph into something savoring and languid, almost teasing. It made you smile against his lips as you pushed one of your hands into his silver locks and let out a giddy little noise.

His heart threatening to leap out of his chest, Cobb broke the kiss only to set his forehead against yours, his eyes closed.

«You have no idea for how long I have wanted to do this.»

«Do it again, then.»

Your mouth went back to his, even hungrier than before.

«Please Cobb, please...», your breathy little pleas, whimpered between fervent kisses proved to be the Marshal’s undoing. With quick, efficient moves, he unceremoniously threw your clothes to the floor, before starting to cover your body with kisses and roguish little nips that make you squirm under him.

«’Ve got you, baby, don’t you worry. Look at you, all worked up already and I barely touched you...»

Equally playful and amazed, Cobb swiftly swiped his tongue across your nipples and started to leave  kitten licks on both of them, making you shudder and moan some more.

«D-Don’t tease! Cobb, d-»

«’M not teasing.» He totally was and hadn’t any intention to stop. When his gaze levelled with your navel, a devilish grin - the one that screamed troubles and that you loved so much - painted itself on his lips, «Just savoring my pretty girl. You’re such a treat, all sweet and soft for me, aren’t ya honey?»

He let his tongue slowly dip in your navel, then retreat back up, leaving some saliva pool in it. Then he repeated the motion, a little faster with every pass of his tongue, until he was fucking his saliva in and out your navel and you were desperately trying to press your tights together and shaking your head from side to side.

«What do you want, sweet girl?» Cobb asked, lifting himself up from your belly to grab your wrists and remove your arms from your face. His bright eyes turned soft upon beholding your own gaze: unfocused and watery, but full of want, «Tell me, baby, tell me and it’s all yours.»

You promptly released your arms from the Marshal’s hold - much faster than he thought you were able to in your state - only to clutch to his neck, smashing your lips back together. It was messy and without any finesse, but your eagerness made something primal and possessive curl into Cobb’s stomach. At last, between sloppy kisses, you managed to slur, «Want you... All of you, like you promised...»

Had he still been a young man, the Marshal would have made a fool of himself, already. Half mad with want, he started to babble into your ear while sliding his fingers under your panties to run them down your legs. «You got me, sweet thing, you got me. I did promise, didn’t I? Wouldn’t dream of breaking my oath, not to you. Open up for me, yeah? You took such great care of me tonight, now it’s my turn...»

His long, thick fingers found your mound, lightly grazing your clit before softly parting your folds while his tongue teased yours in a gentle caress, somewhat placating your desperation, slowing down almost to a halt where you breathed each other in. Then, without any warning, he sank two digits in your soaking heat, swallowing the gasping cry you let out. «So wet, baby, so perfect for me, always...» The twist he added to his move as he eased them out made you shudder, your mouth open in glee. «M’gonna give you everything you want». He pushed his fingers back inside, curling into you, again and again, as your grip on his shoulders became painfully tight. «Gonna ruin you».

You already were ruined, had been since well before he had first touched you, before he had graced you with a quick hug in thanks. But that, Cobb wasn’t aware of. The drawn-out pinning for your Marshal, all the little things you had shared, those secret smiles, those stolen looks, those quick winks and lips almost blood-bitten, collected like sanctified tokens and tucked in a corner of your memory for rainy days, they all came surfacing to be crowned when the rising tension in your lower stomach suddenly snapped. You gushed on Cobb’s fingers with a surprised moan he gladly swallowed, your legs wrapping around him.

When the Marshal finally left your lips for more than a quick, much needed breath, it was for lifting his soaked fingers from your center to curl his tongue around them. You were breathless - he always had had this effect on you, turned you into an anxious, but giddy mess each time he appeared in your line of sight - but not enough to prevent you from rolling him underneath you with a growl. You always were nervous around Cobb Vanth, but in a skittish way, bold and unpredictable, and you were pretty sure that was what kept him always coming back for more.

Eyes wild, your hair starting to look like a nest, you preened under your Marshal’s ravenous gaze. You only let him enough time to steady his hands on your hips before you started your own way down his body. You too - as Cobb discovered with bliss - could kiss and lick and nip and suck. Once again, he was the one to squirm due to your ministrations, but this time, he couldn’t stop his damn mouth to run, «Gonna be the death of me, baby. Always so good to me, so pretty an’ so sweet... Come back here, honey, let me make good on my promise, y-yeah?».

However, by the time he finally shut his mouth, you had reached the hem of his brief and were showering it in butterfly-light kisses. You waited for him to look you dead in the eyes before hooking your thumbs into the elastic and - at last - pulling his length free. You took him in, laid out in the warm, dim glow of your bedside light, glorious, gorgeous. The tough, cocky Marshal, tamed for you and for you only, awaiting your next move. You could have eaten him. Then you looked at his organ, proudly resting against his belly. You muttered an impressed curse and bit your lips, both amazed and a little thrilled, before you made the mistake to look up to Cobb’s face. The bastard was smirking down at you, fully aware of his blessing and truly pleased by your wonder. But then again, even if there was nothing you liked more than pleasing your Marshal, that didn’t mean you couldn’t be a little shit yourself. Still holding his gaze, you let your tongue peaked between your lips and gave a long, thorough lick up his manhood, even going as far as quickly dipping the tip of it into his slit. Cobb throwing his head back and biting his lips to try - and fail - to contain the neediest growl was a very, very satisfying sight to behold; but before you had time to lean back - fully intending to indulge into the writhing man beneath you - he firmly grabbed your hips and manhandled you - a hand coming to pillow your head as you hit the mattress - so he was, once more, on top of you.

«Sweetheart,» he purred, his nose nuzzling your cheek, his thumb barely ghosting over your parted lips, «You can’t imagine how many times I’ve fucked my fist pretendin’ it was this smart, wicked mouth of yours.» You snapped up his finger into your mouth, lightly nipping at it, because the image of this man touching himself to the thought of you was too much to handle. You needed to consume him, in all the ways he would let you. «But right now,» Cobb briefly replaced his thumb with his lips, «I need to have you». There he was, hovering over you, dishevelled, his eyes wild, hard and leaking, dizzy with want, half mad with the imperative need to make you his; and here you were, sprawled on your back,clutching at him with all your limbs to push him closer to you, chasing his lips and whimpering into his mouth, your legs spread around his hips, open and ready and wanting, and still, Cobb forced himself to draw back a little, to look at you and to whisper, «If you will have me?»

He would have stopped. Would you just have told him to, and he would have stepped back, helped you to dress and cuddle with you or - if you so have wanted - just went away and let you be. The decision was yours to take, so you took it; you buried your hands into his hair and led him back to your mouth to murmur against his lips, «Yes, Cobb, I want you, please... Please, fuck me».

Intense. You had thought about the best adjective to describe your Marshal, and there was no word that could make him justice ; but « intense » was the closest thing to it. His life was intense, here, at the far end of everything, where heat, dryness and almost everything that lives do their best to kill you. His work was intense, keeping the bad guys away from Mos Pelgo and making everyone’s problems - big or small - his as well. His wrath was intense, and you know he wouldn’t hesitate to kill in cold blood. His laugh was intense, loud and clear, springing right from his belly and impossible to resist. His gaze was intense, all seeing, even right trough people, but always so, so kind to the ones he had swore to protect. In bed like in every other aspect of his life, Cobb Vanth is intense, to your greatest delight.

It’s a tight fit, even soaked and open from your first orgasm as you are. Your breath hitched as the fat head started to breach your entrance. He’s barely inside, really, still, you scrunched your eyes close, as it would ease the painful pinch away. It didn’t, but Cobb cradling your cheeks in his hands and covering your face in kisses certainly helped, though.

«T’s alright, love, I got you. Just take it easy, yeah?»

Love. You’ve been trying to relax, knowing that, once the dull pain would have faded away, only pure bliss would stay. This term of endearment and the implication it involved, however, it made you clench hard around the few inches already inside you. Cobb’s features contorted before he let his forehead bump against yours, eyes closed and lips parted, «Maker, you’re so kriffing tight,» he hissed, lips blindly seeking yours, «loosen up a bit for me, sugar, or it will end before it had even begun, you feel so damn good...»

Gently, Cobb slipped his arms under your thighs, spreading them some more, drawing his hips back before driving them forward again, slowly, carefully, but deeper than before. Then again. And again. «Gonna make you take more, don’t you worry babygirl, gonna make you take all of it.»

You moaned, aroused beyond belief by the idea of being full of him and then it hit you: it didn’t hurt anymore. You opened your eyes to meet Cobb’s, the beginning of a smile starting to form on your face, but it morphed into a surprised «Oh...» when you felt the grind of his pelvis against you.

Cobb was downright grinning at you, «There you go, sweetheart.» For one moment, you were simply stunned, trying to process that you were, at last, being one with your beloved Marshal; but then he started to draw his hips back, painfully slowly so, before going back the same fashion. Lazy, deep strokes, letting you feel every ridge, every twitch.

«Does that feel good, pretty baby?»

It did; so much that your brain just refused to cooperate anymore, happy to bath in euphoria. Who needed to talk when you could just feel that incredible?

«Answer me», Cobb punctuated his growl with a deeper, harsher thrust, and the loud, unashamed surprised moan that fell from your lips set him on fire. «Mmh, it did feel good, but you like it a little rougher, don’t you, love?»

Your helpless mewl and attempt to bury your face in the crook of his neck gave Cobb all the answers he needed. He shushed you, kissing the side of your forehead, «It’s alright, baby, I’m going to take care of you». And he did, he pounded into you, pushing against something absolutely mind-blowing, hungry for your cries and moans. Ravenous for the pleasure he was giving to you. Each thrust made heat curl into your belly, tension gathering and rising, pushing you toward the edge. It’s going to be a Hell of an orgasm, you can feel it. It’s just there, you can practically taste it.

«You gonna come for me, babygirl?» Cobb murmured in your mouth, just too enamoured with the eagerness you kiss him with to leave it alone, even for just a breath. You nod, feverishly seeking his lips before he starts to speak again, «Come on my cock, sweetheart, let me feel it. Let me feel you».

The tension in your lower belly morphed, once again, in warmth and this is it, pleasure rolled into you as your lower muscles clamped hard several times. Somewhere into your dopamine induced haze, you heard Cobb grunt something sounding like «Oh shit, maker...» just before he fills you, his cock twitching and pulsing heat inside you. As you both tried to pick your breathing up, you let the very tip of your digits run silly patterns up and down Cobb’s shoulders and back. You could feel goosebumps rise in your path, to your delight.

When the Marshal finally lifted his head out of the crook of your neck, the gaze he laid upon you was so tender, so full of adoration that it took your breath away. So you just closed your eyes and brang his forehead to yours, not moving, only letting the feel of him all around you permeate your everything.

«Stay with me?»

You wouldn’t be mad if he couldn’t for any reason, or if he didn’t want to. Heartbroken and sick with anxiety, yes, but not mad. You would try to understand and let him be, you would downplay it as much as you can, you would -

«I don’t intend to go anywhere anytime, soon or not, sweetheart, I promise.» And you swear you felt him blowing out the restless breath caught in his lungs in sync with you. And you kiss him, or maybe he’s the one kissing you. Who cares?

«All well considered...» You know he’s messing with you, the little shit, but you still give him a betrayed glare. «I think I should go to the bathroom in search of a soft cloth to wet with warm water, don’t you?»

Oh, he wants to be like this then... Alright.

«But, Cobb...», you stutter, eyes filled to the brim with fake tears, «You promised...»

Fairplay, the Marshal took on his verbal defeat with an amused snort and a kiss to your forehead before living the bed to join the bathroom, making sure the door stayed open between the two of you.

In the morning, the little party of villagers Cobb had enlisted to help him salvage a moisture extractor that had started to sink into the sand in a farm not far from Mos Pelgo was very surprised to not find their Marshal waiting for them just outside of the cantina as soon as the first of the two suns started to rise upon the horizon, and even more to see him leaving your house, his shirt inside-out and hopping on one foot, busy to try to shove the second one into a recalcitrant boot. And you, dishevelled and wrapped in your gown, laughing on your threshold.

That, you know it would never change: putting a smile on your face, Cobb Vanth would never, ever failed to.

***

Thanks for reading

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[seijorhi]

Choke.

another soulmate au nobody asked for :)

Akaashi Keiji x female reader x Bokuto Koutarou

TW dub-con, implied future non-con

It wasn’t a good day to begin with.

You’re late, rushing through the busy campus hallways to make it to an exam that quite frankly you’re at least 70% sure you’re going to fail, mostly because instead of cramming last night you’d been… otherwise occupied with your boyfriend.

And you really, really just want this whole thing to just be over with already.

With your nose stuck in your textbook, frantically pouring over your notes right up until the very last second, it’s hardly a surprise that you don’t see the two of them rushing down the hallway in the opposite direction until you’re quite literally colliding with the taller of the pair – the broad shouldered one.

Your notes go flying, the last of your coffee too and for one split second, you’re pretty positive that you’re gonna end up flat on your ass with a little more than some bruised pride. But just as you’re about to hit the ground, not one but two hands reach for you, catch you, and the very second they do, you feel it:

A flash of guilt and momentary alarm, embarrassment, you think, and chagrin, each emotion hitting you like a sledgehammer, overwhelming you, one after the other in a dizzying blur that’s distinctly other, and then–

Shock.

Dawning surprise. 

A rush of something warm, adoring, a happiness so bright and blinding that it makes you physically jerk backwards, almost slamming your head against the wall in the process. And two pairs of eyes – one a deep, luminous gold, the other a cool, gunmetal blue – stare at you in wide eyed wonder a split millisecond before you wrench yourself free, gasping. 

The moment their grip falters, the torrent stops. You can breathe.

Blessed silence, save for the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears. Everything fades out around you – the students and lecturers alike bustling through the busy hallway, the humming drone of chatter that’s nearly deafening. Nothing exists but the three of you; caught in your little bubble.

And it’s dread, you think, that seeps through your blood as you stare at them. 

They’re both handsome, albeit in their own ways. The taller of the two – the one who’d almost barrelled you over – looks like he could probably bench press you without breaking a sweat. His shirt isn’t exactly clinging to him, but you can see the hints of well defined muscles beneath, and the size of his biceps alone are enough to make your heart skip a beat and your mouth dry up a little. With rippling muscles, spiky black and silver hair, a strong jawline and those round, golden eyes, he looks like a modern day adonis. 

His friend might’ve been shorter, his build leaner, but with his softer features, pretty eyes and dark hair, you think he’s perhaps the prettiest man you’ve ever laid eyes on. From the fineness of his nose to the gentle curve of his lips and his long, dark sweeping eyelashes, he reminds you of those white marble statues you’ve seen before in museums and art galleries– a beauty so divine, so perfect – so devastating – that it steals your breath a little.

And they’re both watching you, frozen entirely. Smiling in breathless delight, as if they can’t quite believe it either.

Soulmates. 

You’ve spent your whole life wondering what it would be like, experiencing somebody else’s emotions. Studies have been done and countless books and articles written about the bond between soulmates; the intimacy of sharing emotions through touch, but nobody really knows why or how it happens.  

And for some, it’s a subtle thing. A suggestion, a whisper against their own consciousness, easily brushed aside. Others feel it stronger. 

For you, it was like drowning. Choking under the sudden, intense barrage of feelings that weren’t yours. Maybe it’s because there’s two of them – and that much at least you’re sure of. You don’t have the words to explain it, but they’d felt separate somehow, distinctive from one another – kind of like fingerprints, you suppose.

There’s no denying the bond, no denying that they’re both your soulmates, and all you can think of is that you don’t want it. Not here, not now. Not them.

The dark haired one seems to realise quicker than his friend that you’re not reacting how you’re supposed to, you’re just standing there, rigid and tense, gaping at them. And the slight smile that graced his perfect lips starts to waver, his brows drawing together when finally his friend cottons on.

He reaches for you, the beginnings of a pout taking shape on his face, and you move without even thinking, jerking out of reach with a sharp breath. His hand hangs outstretched for a beat too long, a noise like a kicked puppy leaving his lips as he realises that you’re flinching away from him; away from your soulmate. He looks heartbroken, and he’s yet to utter a single word. 

You don’t give him a chance. You’re not some cold, unfeeling beast; there’s a twinge in your heart, a heaviness that’s far too close to guilt settling in your stomach, but you just can’t. And with shaking hands you bend over and hastily grab up your things, forcing yourself not to meet their confused, hurt stares when you right yourself. 

“I– I’m sorry,” you murmur, and before either one of them can try to stop you, you disappear into the crowd, racing for your exam. 

—

The lights are on when you make it back home, the familiar, comforting scent of home cooked food filling your apartment.

“Hey, babe,” your boyfriend calls out as you wearily drop your purse by the door and kick out of your shoes. His back’s to you, attention fixed on the simmering saucepan on the stovetop, but he glances over his shoulder as he continues, “How’d your exam go?”

And you can’t help it, you burst into tears.

Painful, heaving sobs that might’ve had you collapsing onto the floor if he hadn’t swept across the room to snatch you up into his arms. “That bad, huh?” Kuguri jokes, but the words sound hollow.

“I found them,” you mutter into his chest, and the way he stiffens, his grip tightening for just a moment has your heart breaking all over again. 

Kuguri doesn’t say much as he leads you to the couch, he just lets you talk. It’s almost worse, you think, the way he doesn’t react. 

Because you both knew this was coming at some point. For months you’ve tried to convince yourself that you could feel him when you were together.

You felt his love when he held you, right?

Happy when he was happy?

But you’d known, both of you, that as much as you wished it otherwise, he wasn’t your soulmate, and you weren’t his. And whether it was today or six months down the line, this was always going to happen.

“You don’t have to…” you trail off, searching his eyes desperately for anything other than the gentle resignation lingering there. “I love you.”

He smiles at that, cups your cheek in his hand and brushes away the stray tear that spills. “I know you do, but–” it’s not enough. “They’re your soulmates. Don’t you think they deserve a chance to make you happy?”

He’s gone when you wake the next morning.

—

In a university of thousands, a sprawling city campus, you honestly believe that in spite of everything, you probably won’t see them again. They don’t know your name, or what you study, you don’t live in the dorms like some of the other students; the chances of just randomly bumping into them again are slim, soulmates or no.

Of course, there are facebook groups and pages set up to reconnect lost soulmates, but you’d have to actually want to find them to try something like that.

(Part of you wonders whether they’ve tried)

The universe has a sense of humour, it seems, because when your paths cross next, it’s not at uni, it’s at the little corner store a few blocks down from your apartment. 

At 2am in the morning. 

And you’re staring intently at the freezer, mentally weighing up exactly what kind of ice cream you need to sate your craving when you hear the sharp intake of breath behind you.

“Holy crap, you’re here.”

It’s stupid, you think, the way your stomach flutters when you turn to find him staring in wide eyed wonder; the taller one, with the spiky hair and those impossibly wide, honey eyes.

He’s smiling, his entire face lit up like a christmas tree at the sight of you. As if you hadn’t run off without so much as an acknowledgement the last time you’d met. As if seeing you here, looking like shit – makeup free and dressed in your old favourite sweats – is the absolute best thing that could have happened.

And when your cheeks grow hot, you’re not entirely sure if it��s embarrassment over the way you look, the fact that he’s caught you buying ice cream that you fully intend to let melt just a little bit before polishing off at two in the morning, or if it’s shame over how badly you’d reacted the last time you’d seen him.

But if he notices your inner turmoil, he doesn’t show it, grinning widely as he calls back over his shoulder, “Akaashi!”

You still haven’t uttered a peep, haven’t moved. Just like last time you’re caught feeling like a kid with their hand stuck in the cookie jar as your other soulmate rounds the corner, his attention fixed on the ingredients list of the rice cracker snacks in his hands, a basket full of groceries tucked into the crook of his elbow.

“Bokuto, I was just around the corner, there’s no need to shout.”

Pretty steel blue eyes flicker up for a split second, then quickly do a double take as he realises that it’s you – his errant soulmate, standing struck dumb, here of all places. “Oh.”

Oh. 

Akaashi eyes you for a moment, and you watch as his throat bobs unsteadily, but just as with Bokuto, he can’t seem to help the smile that creeps across his face. It’s softer than his friend’s, not so blinding but warm nonetheless. Genuine. There’s no animosity there, and it should put you at ease – they don’t seem to blame you, at least. 

It should, but it doesn’t. 

Even now, there’s a little voice in your head urging you to forget your late night cravings, turn tail and run. Nevermind that they’d likely just follow you, much less that you’d look like an absolute fucking idiot, fleeing from your soulmates who so far have done nothing wrong.

It’s not supposed to be this awkward, right? It’s not supposed to be difficult, but even when they’re smiling at you, there’s a tension that digs its claws into you and refuses to relent. Your heart thumps unevenly, like a scared little bunny caught in a trap and the wolves are circling.

If it’s normal, then your parents and every other soulmated pair you’ve ever met certainly kept it to themselves. Maybe it’s the guilt, you think. Maybe you’re just being overdramatic. They’re your soulmates, right? They probably just want to talk, to get to know you, and right now you’re the one being standoffish and rude. 

It occurs to you then that you still haven’t spoken, and they’re both staring at you somewhat expectantly. You really are fucking this up, aren’t you?

“H-hi,” you manage to muster, forcing yourself to smile back. Tiny and timidly, perhaps, but it’s a smile. 

It seems to work, because Bokuto positively beams at you and Akaashi sets down his basket to slide in closer, a pleased little hum escaping his throat. 

Aside from the faint sound of the radio playing in the background and the cashier casually flicking through a magazine up at the register, the store is quiet. It’s just the three of you, except this time there really is no running off and disappearing into the crowd. Which is fine, you need to face them sooner or later, right?

Give them a chance?

Otherwise everything else, all that heartbreak and the lonely nights since will have been all for nothing. So you swallow tightly, take a soft, steadying breath, and press on.

“I, um… I’m sorry about last time. You know with… everything,” you finish lamely, mentally cringing at the sheer awkwardness of it. “I had an exam.”

But again, your soulmates don’t seem to take it personally, the darker haired one (Akaashi, your brain helpfully supplies) nodding slightly. 

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” He has a nice voice, calming and smooth, and though the words seem to carry a different weight you find yourself nodding along with him. You can do this, you can make an effort.

This is fine.

You swallow again, tongue darting out to wet your lips, “I’m Y/N,” you introduce, clutching just a little bit tighter at the handles of your own shopping basket.

You don’t extend a hand, nor try to go in for a hug, but standing there rigidly feels wrong too. They’re strangers, yes, but they’re also not, and you don’t quite know how to act around somebody like that, somebody you’re supposedly fated for but know nothing about. All you know is that the last time they touched you, it was too much. It hurt. And even as you catch sight of the slightly disheartened expression on Bokuto’s face, you’re hesitant to put yourself through it again.

“It’s pretty,” Akaashi compliments, and there’s a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks as he says it. “Suits you.”

Your own probably aren’t much better, with the blood that rushes to your face. You drop your gaze a little, nibbling on your bottom lip, “O-oh, uh… thank you.”

When you glance back up to Bokuto, you find him staring at you again, not with the same hurt expression as before, but something akin to wonder. He seems speechless, in awe of your flustered state, and you wonder how he can bounce that quickly from emotion to emotion without giving himself whiplash. But it seems like your attention is just the thing he needs to pull himself out of it, because he closes his gaping mouth and grins again.

“Y/N,” he repeats, like he’s testing it out, rolling your name over his tongue. “You probably heard, but I’m Bokuto– you can call me Koutarou, though.” 

There’s a beat of silence, and he’s quick to add, “And that’s Akaashi.”

“Keiji,” Akaashi corrects, shooting you another gentle smile. 

First names. It makes sense, you suppose, but the familiarity of it all still doesn’t sit quite right with you. But now that introductions are out of the way, you don't have a clue what you’re supposed to say now - ‘so, soulmates; crazy, huh?’ doesn’t exactly feel appropriate, given the circumstances.

You’re distinctly aware that it’s the middle of the night and you’re at a convenience store and while this might not be the worst time to run into your soulmates again, it’s not far off. 

Maybe that’s not a bad thing, though, because at least it kind of gives you an out. Shifting your weight from one foot to another, you clear your throat, “I hope you guys don’t think I’m being rude or anything, but it is kinda late…” you trail off, hoping they’ll pick up what you’re putting down.

And while Bokuto’s brow furrows, Akaashi at least has the decency to look a little abashed. “Yeah, no, of course. We’re just so… we’re glad we ran into you again.”

 Your cheeks heat again, and to save yourself from having to meet their gazes head on, you quickly spin around, open the freezer door and grab the first pint ice cream that you see. “I just came for this,” you laugh, fighting back a wince at how hollow and fake it all sounds. 

“Here,” Bokuto says, and before you can react he’s snatching it from your grip (thankfully keeping his hand from brushing against yours) and places it atop the basket in Akaashi’s arms. “Our treat.”

He beams at you, and you’re honestly too stunned to reply. You don’t really want him paying for it, but if it gets you out of this awkward encounter any quicker, you’ll swallow down your protests and let it go. 

And so you trail meekly after the two of them as they head to the cashier, and when Akaashi passes you the bag you’re so careful to avoid his touch, a fact he notes with the slightest of frowns, but he doesn’t comment on it. 

“It’s late,” he says instead as the three of you exit into the brisk night air. And then those gunmetal eyes are on you, studying you for a moment. You realise what he’s about to say the moment he opens his mouth again, “Can we walk you home? Or to the bus stop at least?”

Your stomach lurches at the thought of it, of two veritable strangers knowing where you live, but–

He’s not wrong, exactly. It is late, and in hindsight it was probably stupid for you to have come out at this time of the night alone in the first place, whether it was a safe neighbourhood or not. And they’re not strangers, they’re your soulmates.

You have to try. 

So you nod. ‘It’s just down the road,” you murmur, but as the two of them fall into step either side of you, sharing a distinctly satisfied look between themselves, you think that it wouldn’t have mattered how far it was. They would have walked with you anywhere.

Yet their expressions of mild surprise (disappointment, maybe?) when you stop them less than five minutes later in front of your apartment block almost makes you laugh. “This is me.”

Bokuto eyes the building for just a moment before his attention returns to you. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Lie, that little voice inside your head urges, but you force yourself to ignore it. You have to try. “Uh, not much, I guess…”

Even as you say the words, your hands tighten on your bag, twisting nervously – a sign they either don’t read or wilfully ignore as Bokuto brightens up once again.

“Awesome! Wanna swing by ours to chill for a little bit?”

Like a date, you think as your gaze flickers between the two. Yet Akaashi’s watching you just as intently, those dark eyes far more inscrutable than Bokuto’s, which doesn’t help ease the uncomfortable feeling sitting in the pit of your stomach. There’s really no reason for you to say no, no polite way for you to turn them down. They’re your soulmates, you’re supposed to want this. “Um…”

“Or we can come here, if you want? Or head into the city and do something there, maybe go see a movie or something? Whatever you’d prefer.”

“No!” the words slip from your tongue before you can stop them, the idea of the two of them in your apartment, your home just feels like… too much. “No,” you repeat again, quieter, forcing your features to soften into a hesitant smile. “Your place is good.”

That way you can leave if it all gets to be too much. It’s just a casual hang out. It’ll be fine. 

Both of them seem to relax at your agreement, and you quickly take out your phone to grab Akaashi’s number – sending him a message so he has your number too.

“Perfect,” he says, his voice a purr that sends a ripple of something running down your spine. “I’ll text you the address in the morning.”

You smile at both of them, thanking them again for the ice cream and for walking back with you, even if it was only a few hundred metres. And you think you’re in the clear as you start walking up the steps, trying to balance your keys, your phone and your bags when the sound of your name being called makes you turn around.

Bokuto’s there, a step behind you, and before you can even so much as blink he’s grabbing at your hand, tugging you forward and kissing you.

Just like last time, it’s instantaneous and overwhelming. You feel it all – his giddy excitement, the stirrings of something deeper, less innocent as he cradles your body to his.

And the love. 

Oh god. It’s not mere affection, not some fleeting, superficial thing. It pours over you in unrelenting waves, crushing you under the force of it – you can’t even feel his tongue moving against yours, or the way he sucks on your bottom lip, groaning quietly.

You can’t breathe, can’t think. It’s too much, too much, too strong, too sudden, you can’t BREATHE.

Your trembling hands finds his shoulders, and as your head spins, nausea churning in your gut you don’t waste a second, shoving him away from you with enough force that he actually stumbles back a little.

Though you’ll admit it’s probably more from shock than any strength you actually possess. 

And you don’t dare look to Akaashi as tears fill your eyes, a heaving gasp leaving your lips. Bokuto’s eyes are wide, his mouth agape; he looks confused more than horrified as you stumble back, almost tripping over the last step.

“D-don’t touch me,” you gasp, “please.”

There’s pain in his eyes as your tears well up and spill over and you choke back another sob, but you don’t give him a chance to say anything else. Limbs trembling, you force yourself upright, clutching at the keys in your fist as you skitter towards the door.

You hear one of them, Akaashi you think, calling out your name, but you don’t pause, don’t look back – throwing open the lobby door and slamming it shut behind you. 

And your heart pounds as you climb the steps two at a time, and it’s only once you're in the safety of your own apartment, with the door shut and firmly locked that you allow yourself to breathe. You realise distantly that at some point – probably on the steps outside – you dropped the ice cream they’d bought for you, but you can’t find it within yourself to care. The first time you realise was an accident, they had no way of knowing you were their soulmate, much less how you’d react when they’d touched you. But that–

That wasn’t right.

It wasn’t normal.

Those feelings, that love, you’ve never experienced anything like it, and yet it’s left you feeling filthy; tainted. Scared. It was too much; boundless and abundant, the kind of love that devours and chokes, selfishly strangling everything in its environment to thrive. Overpowering and solely directed at you. How was it supposed to do anything but terrify you. And how can he possibly believe that he loves you like that already?

Soulmates or not, you don’t know him!

This– this whole thing is wrong.

You can’t stop yourself from checking the locks on your apartment another three times before you slip under the covers of your bed, trying to will sleep to find you.

On the nightstand beside you, your phone vibrates, but you refuse to check it, knowing full well that it’s them.

It doesn’t stop.

And with every new notification your blood pressure climbs, and there’s a part of you that’s telling you you have no reason to be reacting like this – whatever happened on those steps, it’s not like they’re going to hurt you.

It was an accident, a misunderstanding.

But they’re still blowing your phone up with notifications and they know where you live and no matter what you tell yourself, you can’t seem to quell the disquiet that eats away at you.

And it’s a cruel thing to do, you know it is, but you don’t know what else to do as you finally give in, swiping your phone up and searching for his contact. The phone rings once, twice, three times and there’s a sinking feeling in your chest when you realise he’s not going to pick up–

“Hello?” Kuguri’s voice is groggy, heavy with sleep and you can almost picture him, sitting up in bed, wiping the sleep from his eyes, running a hand through his messy bed hair. “Fuck, do you know what time it is, Y/N? Why’re you calling me so late?”

There’s a pause, pregnant and heavy, and the only sound that leaves you is the soft hitch in your breath.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, quieter this time, an edge of worry in his tone.

You haven’t spoken to him in weeks, since he’d left without a word and broke your heart, but he’s the only one you want to talk to right now.  

“I-I’m sorry for calling,” you begin, sniffling back your tears. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

—

When you drag yourself out of bed only a few short hours later, your body’s still crying out for a little more sleep, but you can’t afford to indulge.

Like you’d planned, you send the message first thing, ignoring the flood of unread texts above – both from Akaashi and an unknown number you can only assume is Bokuto’s.

I’m sorry about last night, just need some space. 

You have nothing to be sorry for – even if it wasn’t for the frankly unsettling emotions you’d felt, Bokuto’d still kissed you without your permission. But Kuguri said it was better that way – they were less likely to freak out and panic or whatever. You hadn’t questioned it too much, it didn’t really matter what you said so long as they knew you didn’t want them anywhere near you… at least until you figured this whole thing out. And you trusted Kuguri on this.

God knows why he’d even answered your call in the first place, but you’re impossibly glad that he did. Gladder still that he hadn’t hung up on you the moment he’d realised why you were calling.

You scoff down a quick breakfast, before hopping into the shower. The scalding water’s a welcome relief, waking you up more than your coffee had and allowing you the space to think.

Kuguri’s got errands to run this morning, but he’d said you were welcome to stop by his place anytime. He’d insisted on it actually, telling you in no uncertain terms to pack an overnight bag.

‘Look, I’m probably being an overprotective asshole, alright, but I don’t want you there by yourself, so either you come here or I’m coming over there.’

And the thought that you’d need somebody there to protect you, that either one of your soulmates would do anything–

But it’s not so much about them, you think, but you. You’d been a mess when you’d called him, and despite how everything had gone down, Kuguri still cared about you – you can’t just turn those feelings off overnight – is it any wonder that you’d worried him?

Distantly, you register your phone going off a few more times as you busy yourself in washing your hair. You assume it’s Kuguri checking up on you, making sure that you’re alright – you pay it no mind, humming quietly as you reach for your conditioner.

And by the time you slip from your bathroom, wrapped in a big, fluffy towel it’s probably closer to mid-morning than you’d like. You don’t bother blow drying your hair or putting on makeup, instead heading to your room to get dressed and grab some clothes to take to Kuguri’s.

Except there’s a knocking at the door that stops you in your tracks.

You hadn’t heard the buzzer for the building’s main door go off, which meant that it was probably just your landlord stopping by, or one of your neighbours. You know the little girl who lives in the apartment next to yours likes to bake with her dad and sometimes drops off freshly made cookies and treats, so you hastily throw on enough clothes to pass as decent. 

“Coming,” you sing out, racing across the room to reach the door. 

Except when you throw it open, it’s not one of your neighbours standing out in your hallway, nor is it your elderly landlord. 

Akaashi and Bokuto crowd the empty space; Bokuto grinning widely, Akaashi’s dark eyes fixed on yours. 

“You weren’t answering your phone,” he murmurs, a faint frown tugging at his features as studies your face. “We were worried about you.”

And there’s so many things wrong with the fact that they’re here; least of all being how the hell they got into the building to begin with, but you can’t afford to think of any of that. You simply need to get them out of here without causing a fuss. Now.

They’re still your soulmates, you remind yourself as your heart rate picks up. They won’t do anything to hurt you. 

“I-I told you I needed space, please go,” you mutter, clutching so tightly at the edge of the door that your knuckles turn white. “Please,” you beg again when neither of them make a move to leave.

“I told you, ‘Kaashi,” Bokuto says, his smile slipping in favour of a wounded pout, “She’s afraid of us. Her soulmates.”

And you don’t know what compels you to shake your head instead of just slamming the door in their faces, “N-no, I just–”

“She’s just skittish,” Akaashi interrupts, cutting you off mid-sentence. “Overwhelmed – this is all new to her. It’s okay, princess,” he says, addressing you this time with a teasing little smirk, “We’ll be gentle, okay? We’re going to take good care of you.”

It’s the final blow to your tentative politeness. As panic sinks its teeth into you, you skitter backwards, scrambling to shut the front door before they can get in–

Bokuto’s faster. They both are.

Stronger, too. 

[calummss]

Time | Gilbert Blythe

masterlist

summary: time can fix a lot of things if you let it

words: 1.5K

requested by: anon

It’s been six months since Gilbert Blythe left. Six months without the boy you love so dearly. Six months without your friend. Gilbert had made short notice plans only days after his father’s funeral. When John Blythe died it felt like a never ending fog swept across Avonlea. You remember Mr. Blythe from your childhood. He was a very kind man that took good care of you, so when the news of his passing had arrived at your parent’s house you felt a heavy pit in your stomach. You were saddened by his death and couldn’t imagine what Gilbert was going through and sent him a pie the same day, knowing he would have a hard time preparing food for himself. It has been months since you attended the funeral and you remember it like it was yesterday.

‘Y/N dear, make sure to wear your black straw hat.’ your mother called up to your room.

You grabbed your hat and gently placed it on your head not wanting to mess up your curls. You took one last look in your mirror and hurried downstairs to see your father, mother and younger brother waiting for you. You quickly grabbed your shoes and tied them up.

‘I sure hope Gilbert’s okay,’ you spoke into the room feeling uneasy about the next couple of hours.

‘You’ll be able to see for yourself once we arrive.’ your mother said, adjusting your hat. She placed her hands and your shoulder and smiled.

‘Come one now, the carriage is waiting.’ your father announced and opened the door to reveal a coat of snow that painted the countryside. You stomped through the snow and sat yourself to the far left of the carriage as your mother, father and brother followed. The coachman lightly whipped the horse and you were on your way. When you arrived at the Blythe’s family burial site you saw the carriage that pulled Mr. Blythe’s casket towards the hole. You also saw Gilbert leading the line of people. You saw the pain in his eyes. His sparkly brown eyes were now dull, and glossed with his salty tears. His cheerful smile with those dimples you so loved, disappeared and weren’t to be seen. His posture was slouched and his head hanging from his shoulders on a thread. Your family and you respectfully walked up to the crowd that was gathered for a prayer in honour of his father. You saw Anne, Diana, Ruby, Jane, Tillie and Josie, all spread out throughout the crowd. You locked eyes with Anne and gave her a warm quick smile before turning away. When the service was over everyone gathered at the Gilbert House for some tea and conversation. You stood next to your mother, plate in your hands but you weren’t in the mood to eat. You set it aside and walked around the house to look for Gilbert. He probably needed someone to talk to. Once you searched around the house and almost gave up, you saw him outside in the front yard. You grabbed your coat, scarf and hat and rushed down the front steps.

‘Gilbert!’ you yelled after him.

Gilbert turned around with a surprised face, yet his eyes still carried his sadness within.

‘Are you leaving?’ you pushed your hands deeper into your pockets.

‘I can’t stand being in that house. Everyone wants to comfort me but I just want to be left alone.’ he confessed.

His hat draped over his forehead making it hard to make out his facial expression.

‘Where are you going?’ you asked him as he didn’t seem to stop walking.

‘I don’t know, the lake perhaps.’

‘May I join?’

He nodded and continued to look straight ahead.

After some time you arrived at the small lake in the forest you always went to after school in the summer. Everyone would meet up to bathe in the sun kissed water but everyone was happy and enjoying themselves. Today’s occasion was the opposite. You sat on a tree trunk and pulled your gloves from your pockets. Gilbert sat next to you and stared at the frozen water. He found comfort among the empty woods. You felt like giving him alone time and told him that you were going back to the house. That was the last time you saw Gilbert. Days after he packed his things and left on a ship. He left a note with a few details so that Avonlea wouldn’t erupt in fear of a murder or some sort.

During the first three months you would leave letters at Gilbert’s house in case he came back unannounced; just like he left, but you stopped soon after, after you realised that he wouldn’t be coming back for a long time.

You were peacefully sleeping in your bed when a loud thud awoke you. Your eyes were squinted due to the sun rays shining on your face. You got out of bed and started to get ready. Anne would be arriving any minute now. You always walked to school together. It was safer and more fun. When you rushed out of the door you saw Anne waiting on your doorsteps with an extra bottle of milk. You walked to school and noticed a large crowd gathered in front of the doors. Noticing the rest of the girl you walked up to them to ask what was going on.

‘Ruby!’ you called out and saw her spin around with a big smile on her face. ‘What’s going on?’

‘It’s Gilbert!’ she cheered loudly.

Your eyes went wide as you stared back at Anne. She had the same look painted across her face.

‘What do you mean ‘Gilbert’?

‘My uncle who works at The White Sands Hotel said that Gilbert passed through the place. Supposedly he was working on a ship!’ Ruby’s face was gleaming with joy. ‘He was covered in coal ashes.’

‘Is, Is Gilbert here? At school?’ you asked intriguingly.

‘I haven’t been inside but I don’t believe so. He’s probably at home.’ Diana chimed in.

You had to see him. You just had to. Knowing he was back and not knowing if he’d part again you ran back towards the forest. You made your way through the foggy woods and ran up to Gilbert’s house. You went up to the door and knocked on the door like your life depended on it. A few seconds later a man, whom you’ve never seen before opened the door.

‘Hello, who are you.’ he said in a strong accent.

‘Is Gilbert here?’

‘Yes, he is.’ the man smiled at you before he shouted at the top of his lungs. ‘Gilbert! There’s a girl wanting to talk to you.’

‘I’ll just come in.’ you smiled before slipping through the door.

‘Y/N?’ Gilbert sounded surprised. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘What are you doing here?’ mimicked him.

‘It’s good to see you.’

Gilbert seemed happier than the last time you saw him. His teary eyes were now filled with joy. He seemed...okay, and you didn’t want to take that away from him but he couldn’t just show up and pretend like nothing happened.

‘Why did you leave?’

Gilbert’s back stiffened and shifted onto his other leg. He looked down at the floor not making eye contact with you.

‘Can you at least look at me.’ a hint of disappointment and annoyance coating your words.

‘I needed to get away from here.’

‘You left without a goodbye and you left without telling anyone. Do you know what it feels like? To see your friend leave you behind?’ you raised your voice. ‘You could’ve at least told me. I didn’t know when you were coming back. I thought you left me!’

‘Y/N, I’m sorry but I wasn’t in a good headspace and needed distance from this god forsaken town.’ he stormed past you. The man that had answered the door was long gone. Only the presence of the two of you filled the cold house.

‘Distance from me?’

‘I never said that.’ his irritated voice erupted from the back of the pantry.

‘Sounds like it to me!’ you yelled back, angrily stomping after him.

‘Why are you picking a fight with me, Y/N.?’

‘A fight?’ you stared at him in disbelief. ‘Picking a fight with you? I came over because Ruby was swooning over your return and I came here to make sure it was true. To-see-if -my-friend-who-left-me-without-a-trace-of his-existence-came-back!’ you snapped in one breath.

You had enough and quite frankly didn’t know what to do anymore. The person you loved so dearly had hurt you in a way that you couldn’t understand. Gilbert sat down at his wooden table and stared at you for a few seconds before talking.

‘What can I do?’ he said.

‘What can you do? I don’t know, what can you?’

‘Y/N, I’m serious. I don’t want this friendship to end over this.’

‘You think I want this? I’m just upset that you left me if you hadn’t noticed.’

‘Please tell me what I can do.’ he pleaded out.

He stood up and took your hands into his. His brown eyes stared into your as your breath hitched.

‘I-I don’t know.’ you confess as you slid your hands out of his and turned your back towards him. ‘Nothing can fix this except time.’

You walked towards the door looking back at Gilbert once more.

‘Time can fix a lot of things if you let it.’

[7ban-sama]

all that being said, THIS hanako, is so interesting to me. wishing nene goodbye at the end of the day...

here he is, being all big grin ^^ ...

but of course, the purpose of this page/these panels is to show us a scene from hanako’s POV, where he is not actually happy as he wishes Nene goodbye at the end of the day. it’s so complicated, isn’t it...? this must be when Hanako is the most aware of how he just isn’t ‘human’ anymore, when he has to see Nene off and watch her return to her house. her home, her parents, her bedroom, her rituals. this is the ‘life’ Nene currently has, and she wants a life beyond it. meanwhile, Hanako has ‘no life’, his entire existence is here at the school. 

from his perspective, he only exists to atone and to suffer. and well, you could see how this psyche permeates how he perceives and understands everything... he literally cannot do more for nene than spend some time with her during the day. it is a compromise, it is temporary. if she wants all those grand things she wished for in PP, then he is going to intrinsically be unable to be a part of it.

before nene existed, hanako more or less just stared at his empty bathroom stall all day. he was... understimulated. now, with nene here, he is out of that state of stasis, actually existing in the world. making connections and sharing memories, whether he wants to or not!! ... hanako is a needy person, at his core, he cannot actually retcon being possessive and controlling. 

his belief system he imposes conflicts with his very nature. or, maybe a better way to put it is, his belief system is him trying to keep his nature in check... it’s a very sick nature. i think it got the better of him, multiple times, with regards to nene.

You are going through something here... you are feeling the sickness... (as an aside,  i LOVE that aida draws things multiple times from different angles, it means you get to see a scene you love from something AGAIN but from a different perspective, another layer to it.)

we get all the way here, eventually. There's such a delightfully scary atmosphere to this last page, I'm obsessed with it. quite frankly a psychotic image. do you think this is what it feels like to be Hanako? 

the texturing on his hand makes you feel like he is a diseased beast of some sort. the translucency here, to remind you he is a ghost. in other scenes, his see-through body has this dreaminess to it, sunlight filtering through him and making him seem pretty. this is like, the flipside of it, the nightmare quailty. maybe if you were Hanako, you couldn’t ignore this pervasive feeling of being inhuman either.