#i’m pretty sure he has a more recent quote about how this is what the comic industry is now but idk

[roseworth]

from alan moore’s book about writing comics…. alan help something terrible has happened

[midnightorchids]

Hey babe- I wanted to know how you felt about booknerd!reader x Jason. Because it's been rotting my brain forever now and I need to know what someone as genius as yourself thinks about it. So like- We know Jason is a book girl. He's got huge floor to ceiling shelves in his apartment filled with non-fiction, historical fiction, classics, and maybe a few Si-Fi titles. I feel like he would love Toni Morison, Maya Angelou, Henrik Isben, Margret Atwood, and maybe even Harukai Murakami. He has this beautiful collection of leather bond additions of the Iliad Bruce gave him when he was 16. And when he finally invites you over, he cannot contain his excited smile as you start gushing over his home library. He makes you guys coffee and you spend hours talking about your fav genres, authors, online author drama - and after he's walking back to his apartment after dropping you off, he's smiling down at his phone at the message you sent. 'I had so much fun today! Ur library is so so so cool, was wondering if you would be ok going with me to Chapters next week? Wanted to pick up the new Skyward book' He's kicking his feet and hiding his face in his pillow. So deeply overjoyed that his crush shares in his immense love of literature. After you guys officially get together, he buys you so many fucking books. He fallows your goodreads wishlist religiously and surprises you almost every month with a new addition to your growing collection. He usually collects used paper backs, but for you, he splurges on the hardcover special additions. Of course it's because he loves you but it's also so that, maybe, you'll be more incentivised to move into a different apartment. One with floor-to-ceiling book shelves and a shared bed... just saying.. He branches out into more genres and authors he wouldn't usually read from just so he could talk about your favourite books with you. You do the same - your book collections getting mixed together in the process. Library dates, bookstore dates, used-bookstore dates. Your first couple of dates and realisations of love happened in and around books. You would always leave little messages inside the first page of the books you give him. So that if your every away or he's on a mission and he takes a book with him, he'll have one of your small messages of love as a reminder of something to return home to.

Hi hon!! I’m so sorry for the late response, I’ve been dying with uni and just life in general recently, but I’m back and ready to write again!! But I agree with pretty much everything that you said, like you’ve written it out so well and it’s just so cute! I was literally giggling and kicking my feet at the last one omg. I shall try to add more stuff!!

Jason’s go to present for his loved ones is annotated copies of his favourite books. He only does this when he feels comfortable with a person because sharing his thoughts feels raw and vulnerable sometimes.

Having a significant other who loves to read and appreciates these types of gifts would make him feel happy and very emotional. It’s not often he gets to share this side of himself with people.

When he gifts his copies to his friends or his partner, he feels like he’s leaving a piece of him with the person, so he only does this when he trusts you.

He leaves detailed little messages on the margins of his books. He draws little smiley faces on the cute parts and angry faces on the parts that made him upset.

In the books for his significant other, Jason leaves little notes around the quotes that remind him of you. He highlights them in a different colour and makes sure his notes look extra tidy.

He sucks at wrapping things, so sometimes you’ll get a very poorly wrapped, tape covered novel. You’ll look at the wrapping and laugh, you’d pinch his cheeks teasingly and tell him he did a good job. He’d turn his face away in embarrassment, which leads to you placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Then, there would be times where he doesn’t have the energy to deal with the horrible wrapping paper. So, you’ll be gifted a plain paper back with a sticky note on the front cover that reads ‘for you,’ in squiggly lines.

It’s honestly sweet and he gets very shy about it.

Also, Jason’s taste in books is very diverse, he reads anything from the classics to romance to gothic horror. He reads anything and everything and because of that, I think that it would be very easy for you to share your thoughts and recommendations with him.

Even if Jason hasn’t read the book, he listens intently with a huge smile on his face. He loves listening to you talk. If he doesn’t know the author or the book, he will try to familiarize himself with what you’re reading and branch into different genres.

There would be lots of reading and bookstore dates. You’d browse through the different aisles with his hand in yours, only letting go when a particular book catches your attention. He watches you in awe as you gush about the different series.

(Side note, my friends and I always go to bookstores and just point out the worst books we’ve read and I think Jason would do that too.)

As you search through the shelves to find your next read, he’ll come to you all excited, rambling about the book in his hand. From the looks of it, it seems like he loves the book. His hands are moving around, he’s smiling and giggling, but if you pay attention, he’s actually just cussing out the author.

This becomes a tradition in your relationship. You both bring up books that you hate instead of the ones that you really enjoy. You’d spend the next hour of your bookstore visit just giggling at the random passages that the author thought were good enough to share with the world.

I think this would also lead to a book club of reading awful books sometimes just for shits and giggles. There would be weeks where you would read amazing, well written stories together, but then there would be times when you guys would pick up something bad just to make fun of it.

Overall, Jason would love having a book nerd significant other because he finally has someone who he can geek out with.

[avastrasposts]

When's the last time you lived?

A short little one-shot (2.6k) with sweet Marcus PIke for @pedgito @chaotic-mystery and @amanitacowboy and their Summer Loving writing challenge! Thank you for putting this all together!

I was given a quote, a location and Marcus Pike to write for, plus this lovely mood board as inspiration. No warnings needed, this is all fluff!

You really couldn’t say you were enjoying yourself. Leaning against a wall at the back of the stuffy gallery, you sipped the sour red wine and let your bored eyes drift across the crowd. All of your friend’s new boyfriend’s acquaintances, mingling with dry canapes and faces molded into interesting looks as they competed with each other for the wittiest line about the artwork lining the walls. 

Little did you, or anyone else, know how interesting the evening would turn out in the end. All you knew was that the dark haired guy who kept circling the room, making polite small talk and eyeing the art, was as cute as he was sexy. He was the only thing keeping you from making a bad excuse and dipping out. He kept glancing over at you, catching your eye, and you’d exchanged quick smiles. 

When the front door suddenly swung open and four armed police officers marched in, the party froze. With widening eyes you watched as the cute dark haired guy stepped up to the gallery owner, right in the middle of schmoozing a client, and flashed an FBI badge. Within a few minutes the party was broken up, the owner in cuffs being led away and a team of FBI agents swarmed in and started packing up the artwork. You found yourself ushered out onto the street with the rest of the guests, but as you turned to leave, one of the agents held out his hand. 

“Miss, you’ve been asked to stay just a few minutes, Agent Pike has some questions for you.” 

“F-for me? I don’t know anything?” you stammered, following the agent to the side as the other guests hurried away, throwing questioning glances back at you.  

“Thank you, York, I’ve got it from here,” a second male voice said, putting his hand on his colleague's shoulder. The cute dark haired man smiled down at you as the other agent walked away with a brisk nod. 

“I don’t know anything about all this, I was just here with a friend, her boyfriend-” 

“No, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to think you’re a suspect,” he said, shaking his head with an apologetic look, “I just wanted a chance to come over and say hello before you left. I couldn’t interrupt the raid.” He gave you another warm smile and held out his hand, “Hello, I’m Marcus.” 

You huffed a small laugh of relief as you took his hand and gave him your name, “I’m glad, getting arrested by the FBI is not on my bucket list.” 

That’s how you’d met Marcus Pike, FBI agent, foodie, art nerd and all around great guy. Not to mention an incredible lover and pretty damn near perfect at dating. He did move kind of fast, eager to please and to make sure you always knew what he felt about you. It was endearing but unusual, but once he opened up about a particularly bad relationship in his past you understood him more. He needed reassurance that you were both on the same page, and when you told him you needed to move a bit slower, he understood and backed off a little bit. You dated, had fun, and kept it at that for now. No need to rush. 

This evening he’d invited you to the opening of a new exhibition at the National Gallery of Art. He’d been out of town a few days for work, and you’d felt a little jolt of excitement when you’d spotted him in the crowded foyer. He was scanning the crowd for you but hadn’t seen you yet, so while you crossed the room you took in his tall, broad form. The gray, soft looking, sweater stretched across his shoulders as he pushed a stray strand of his hair off his forehead and scratched absentmindedly at his scruffy beard. The beard was a recent addition, he’d been clean shaven when you met, but he’d let it grow out for a job. He’d complained that his beard never filled in, but you loved the look on him, and how it felt when he kissed you. So he’d kept it, making sure to tickle you with it when he trailed kisses over your neck, laughing when you squealed and squirmed under him. 

As you got closer he saw you approach, and he moved through the crowd with a warm smile. His hand cupped your cheek as you met, and he bent his head to press a soft, lingering kiss to your lips. 

“Hey,” he murmured against your mouth, “I missed you, honey.” 

“Missed you too, Marcus,” you smiled against his lips as you felt his other arm curl around your waist, pulling you into his chest, “How was your trip?” 

“Boring but successful, we got hold of the evidence we needed,” he said, still close to your mouth, letting you trail your fingers across his cheek while he smiled, holding your gaze until you had to kiss him again. 

“I should’ve planned a date at my place instead of in public,” he chuckled, pulling away slightly as you became aware of the crowd milling around you. His hand slipped from your waist and took your hand instead as he gave your cheek a final caress.

“Should we go see what the fuss is about?” he asked, holding up two tickets for the exhibition and you nodded. 

“Let’s see if it was worth giving up the couch for.” 

You ambled together through the exhibition, and it was definitely worth it, as Marcus no doubt had known it would be. He’d visited the van Gogh museum in Amsterdam a few years earlier and hadn’t wanted to miss this exhibition, the biggest one of his works in the US. You weren’t familiar with van Gogh apart from the sunflowers. But as Marcus walked you through the exhibition, reading the signs and asking what you thought about different aspects of the paintings you hadn’t even considered, you began to see that there was a lot more to van Gogh than cheap posters of sunflowers and a man who’d cut his ear off. 

You stopped in front of one of the last works of the exhibition and felt yourself be sucked into the image. The small sign said it was called ‘Wheat field under Thunderclouds’ and the petroleum blue clouds gathering on the horizon, threatening to envelope the sunlit wheat fields captured your imagination. Marcus stopped just behind you, his warm palm on the small of your back, as you took in the atmosphere in the painting. It felt melancholy, the end of summer, the end of warm days, a looming disaster in the distance, rolling in to destroy the wheat fields just as they were ripening. 

“What are you thinking?” Marcus asked in a low voice, he seemed to sense that the painting had stirred something in you. 

“The painting makes me sad, it looks like the end of a warm day, the storm clouds are so ominous,” you said, pointing to how they had rolled up right to the edge of the frame. 

“He painted it just a week before his death, along with several other pieces on the same subject,” Marcus said, “It maybe be a bit on the nose, but I always thought of the clouds as his own looming troubles, maybe he was feeling happy when he painted them, but he knew darkness would roll over him again.” 

“Knowing that makes the painting even sadder,” you said, looking at the dark clouds again, “But I really love the painting anyway. That one and the one he did for his nephew,” you pointed over towards a bright painting of flowering almond branches against a blue sky. 

“That’s one of my favorites too,” Marcus said, “and The Starry Night.” 

He took your hand as you walked slowly towards the exit, “I have a surprise,” he smiled, “I’ve arranged something special for us. Wait for me in the gift shop and I’ll go make sure everything is set up, give me five minutes.” 

“Come here first,” you said, not letting go of his hand as he tried to walk away. He turned back with a grin and came willingly as you pulled him down for a kiss. 

“You’re the best boyfriend, you know that right?” you told him and he chuckled, ducking his head for another kiss. 

“I try my best,” he replied with a wink. 

He gave you a quick smile as he left the gift shop, leaving you to browse a ridiculous assortment of pens, mugs, water bottles, umbrellas, trays, key chains, t-shirt and phone covers adorned with artwork. A book on van Gogh’s work caught your attention and you were flipping through it when Marcus came back. 

“All ready for your surprise, if you’ll accompany me,” he said, holding out his arm for you with a big smile, and you put your hand on his soft sweater and let him guide you out of the shop. He led you away from the crowds, further into the museum, where the lights were dim. 

“I found this little nook, hidden away,” he said, taking another turn, leading you into a gallery filled with marble statues, “And I thought it might be a nice place away from the crowds.” 

“And we can be back here?” you asked, looking at the very empty rooms you were passing through. The rest of the museum was closed for the night, it was only the van Gogh exhibition that had been available to celebrate its opening night. 

“Yeah, sure, I’m FBI,” he grinned, “I’ve got my badge with me just in case.” 

“Marcus,” you say, almost stopping dead in your tracks, “are you sure this is ok?” 

“It’s fine, honey,” he smiled, “When was the last time you lived, huh? Let’s bend the rules a little,” Marcus winked again and tugged you with him, and you felt a reckless giggle bubble up as he led you further into the statues gallery. 

“I’m pleading innocence if we get caught,” you laughed and Marcus smiled, turning a final corner. 

“Here, my lady, dinner is served.” 

“Oh, Marcus!” you gasped at the scene he’d set up. Right at the end of the room, surrounded by elegant Roman statues, was one of the museum’s benches. But now it was covered by a white tablecloth and on it was laid out a picnic, if you could even call it that. The bench was laid with plates and cutlery, two wine glasses and a bottle, together with candlesticks and a single red rose in a vase. Several take out boxes sat between the plates and you could smell something delicious. 

“How did you even do all this?” you asked as he led you to the “table” and made you sit down. 

“Easy,” Marcus grinned, “I brought it from home and put the bag in one of the lockers, then I ordered the food while we were in the exhibition and it arrived right on time.” 

“I’m so impressed,” you said, holding up your glass to let him fill it with wine, “you’ve outdone yourself.” 

“I hope not,” he laughed, “I need to come up with something really great for when I p-” He bit his lip and stopped short as his cheeks turned scarlet, “Sorry, forget I said anything.” 

“The dreaded p-word,” you said, smiling to make him less uncomfortable, “It’s not as scary now as it was six months ago. You’re making the prospect of it less intimidating.” 

Marcus’s face softened into a look of relief, smiling as he took your hand, “And you’re making it easier to just enjoy our relationship right now, thank you for showing me how to slow down.” 

The kiss he pressed to your lips lingered, the food forgotten for the moment, until leaning over the bench became too uncomfortable and you pulled a part. Marcus looked down at the take out boxes and picked one up. 

“Let’s eat before it gets cold, it’s from my favorite Greek places, I hope you like it.” 

“You haven’t given me bad food once, Marcus,” you said, accepting a helping a some spinach dish, “I just wish I could repay you, but since you don’t share my fondness for microwave meals, you’ll just have to keep picking restaurants.” 

“Actually, I was thinking,” Marcus said as he served himself and you sniffed one of the side dishes with feta cheese, “I wanna get better at cooking, maybe we could do one of those cooking classes together? And then we could cook together sometimes, what do you think?” 

“That’s a nice idea, I could do with some cooking classes,” you replied, “Did I tell you I actually set fire to the curtains in my first apartment? I put the toaster too close to them on the window sill and then I burnt the toast and the whole thing went up in flames.” 

Marcus looked at you with wide eyes, “Seriously? Were you ok? Did you get burnt?” 

“No, I was fine, my roommate knew where we had the fire extinguisher so she put it out and then the fire department showed up and made sure it hadn’t spread,” you chuckled at the memory and Marcus shook his head. 

“Lucky, and maybe I should handle the toast the next time we’re at my place.”   

“Marcus, you don’t even own a toaster,” you laughed, “between the two of us, we own one coffee machine and two microwaves.” 

“And a popcorn machine, don’t forget the popcorn machine,” Marcus replied, his warm brown eyes smiling at you as he reached out and swiped a crumb from your bottom lip with a soft touch. 

“It does make excellent popcorn,” you mused, watching him turn his attention back to the eggplant dish on his plate. 

Marcus was a foodie, you’d found out on your very first date when he’d planned a three restaurant “pub crawl” that ended up being four when you told him about your favorite gelateria. You’d agreed to share the ice cream since you’d had dessert at the third restaurant. That plan fell through the second Marcus tasted their cherry gelato, you’d both spent the better part of half an hour tasting all the flavors until he’d settled on cherry and hazelnut chocolate and you’d gone for stracciatella and lemon. Strolling through the warm evening, you’d eaten your gelato while Marcus asked if you’d like to go on a second date with him to a food truck festival and from then on, food had been the theme. 

When all the food had been eaten and the evidence of your secret picnic had disappeared into Marcus’s bag, he took your hand and brought you to the middle of the room. The lights were dim, the statues surrounding you cast in shadows, and it could’ve been creepy, if it wasn’t for Marcus’s presence. He put his phone down on one of the benches and low music filled the room, a slow instrumental piece, and held out his hand in an unmistakable gesture of inviting you to dance. With a smile you took his hand and stepped into his arms as he began to move you both in a slow twirl. You put your head against his shoulder as he led you in time with the music, his warm scent and steady heartbeat lulling you into a comfortable silence. His hand gently caressed your back, holding you close to him and you could feel his breath ghost over your cheek as he bent his head and pressed a soft kiss to your skin. 

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice low in the dark room. A simple statement, no grand gesture, no fanfare or lengthy speech, just an uncomplicated affirmation that filled your heart. 

“I love you too.” 

[valentine-cafe]

. ˚◞♡ fire elemental boyfriend x gn!reader◞ ₊˚

. ˚◞꒰ verse 9948e rasui ꒱ fire elemental x reader, mercenary leader x reader ⊹ ۪ ࣪

𖹭. you call your fire elemental boyfriend after nightmares plaguing you.

you’d tossed and turned enough times for your mind to tell you that there would be no rest for you. not unless the warmth of familiar arms wrapped around you. and that deep, comforting voice of your boyfriend murmured that everything would be alright to your ear. not after that nightmare.

nervously, you take a glance from your wrinkled sheets to your phone idle on the nightstand. second-guessing has always been your weakness.

while typically, you would call him without hesitation. you could not help but feel a small twist of guilt in your tummy.

your fire elemental boyfriend had told you earlier that he is quite busy at work. something about finalising paperwork to keep tabs on a certain series of missions. he’s always kept you in the dark when it came to his job. because - as quoted by him: “it’s not something your pretty little head should worry about, حياتي ( hayati ).”

oh, but worry you do. worry that you may disturb him whilst he is busy. and while his words of assurance have quelled your anxieties time and time again - it seems that the one, persistent voice was louder than the rest.

so with a quick suck of breath through your teeth. you use the sudden shock to your nerves to dart your hand out and snatch your phone. the bite to your lip is another drive to swipe your caller open and hover your thumb over the recent contact list.

should you?

shouldn’t you?

a flutter from the corner of your eye makes you jump. snap your head over to stare at the side with wild eyes. to your window with blinds drawn and curtains covered. must be a shadow.

it’s what you tell yourself in a desperate attempt to quell your heart that races like the cars outside. the city life of the society of shades is something you should be used to.

regardless of what it is. it’s all the more incentive to dig your thumb against his number and watch as the calling screen lights up your phone.

one,

two,

thr -

“my love?”

his mere voice sends warmth through your tummy and chest. even when clearly laced with undertones of overwork and freshly drunk coffee.

“. . . hi rasui,” you murmur. back to square one. you immediately feel small all over again. the urge to tell him what’s wrong instead lumps at the back of your throat.

there is a moment of silence, before his concern bleeds through the line.

“are you alright?”

“I’m okay. how are you?”

you wish to curse at yourself for lying. your fingers flex around the phone and your gaze darts back to the window. to the shadows that flicker around the room and make your heart race.

“. . . are you sure?”

thankfully for you, your boyfriend knows you better than you know yourself. even so, you bite your tongue and pick at the white sheets.

“y-yeah I just -”

“hayati,” he croons. assuring. gentle. “you are a bad liar. what is the problem?”

how can you keep it to yourself when he speaks so tenderly? as though you were a flower he so delicately holds. not allowing even a flame to lick at a single petal.

“I had a nightmare.” voice thick with tears and embarrassment, you suck in another breath and quickly add on. “I-I know it’s stupid - if you’re busy it’s okay. I just. I just need you.”

there is a beat of silence. enough for regret to settle in. yet before you can even think of apologising, backpedalling, or even hanging up all together; the skid of a chair against marble floors catches your attention.

“would you like to stay on the line until I get there?”

you can’t even bring yourself to deny. all you reply with is a small hum of agreement as you listen to his shoes shuffle across his office floor. the small clutters you can only assume as him packing away necessary items as he makes his way to the door.

a small click follows a hum. his low and comforting voice brings you flutters instead of frightened shivers. “right. be there in a few minutes. just wait for me, alright?”

you already feel his presence. his heat. so you push yourself beneath the covers and quietly await your beloved. all while you listen to the sounds from his end - all signifiers that you would be in his hold soon enough.

it brings you an assurance that allows the paranoia to fizzle out. your eyes flutter a few times. at last you feel comfortable enough to shut them for a second. maybe two. even longer.

the clock would not wane for much longer before you feel the bed dip. feel those strong arms around your sleepy form. warm kisses to your neck - if only to engulf the entirety of your body.

“I’m here, my love.”

it’s all you need to hear. the kiss that follows to your ear droops your eyes. and you slowly drift off into sleep before you can so much as stop yourself.

[hairstevington]

Do I wanna know?

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Somewhere in the multiverse, there is a world where everyone has a choice - If you had the option of reading a list of everyone who's ever been in love with you, would you do it?

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: Modern day AU sort of?? It's not based in realism, just go with it. Best friends to lovers, Robin & Steve & Eddie all live together because I said so, mutual pining, fluff, confession of feelings, lots of denial but they figure it out eventually

A/N: This idea came to me during my stats class, and then it became very difficult to continue focusing on my stats class. (I wrote it as soon as we were dismissed lol). Enjoy this cute little Steddie one shot! Ao3 link here :)

--------------------

“Dude, did you see what they just announced?” Steve asked as he played video games with Eddie.

“Yeah, it’s some wild shit,” Eddie replied. “How is it even possible?”

“I think it’s fake,” Robin called from the kitchen as she made them all pizza rolls. 

“Not fake,” Steve insisted. “I was reading about it on the internet and a bunch of people are saying it’s legit.”

“Well, if you read it on the internet, it must be true,” Robin remarked sarcastically. 

“Whatever,” Steve said. “I’m gonna get mine and find out.”

The deal was that, somehow, everyone had the option of getting a list of statistics about their lives. It was advertised with a variety of categories to look through - some of them could have been retrieved through bank statements and background checks, like the number of countries visited, money spent, etc. Other categories (let’s be real, the most intriguing categories), were far more mysterious.

Number of near-death experiences. Every book you’ve read, with a total word count. And, the most exciting of the bunch - How many people have been in love with you, and who.

“Don’t waste your money or your time,” Eddie said with a roll of his eyes. “It’s bullshit. Probably just another way for the government to squeeze more money out of us.”

“Come on, it’s not some conspiracy, Eds,” Steve replied. “I’m just curious, that's all.”

“Oh, I bet,” Robin chimed in. “Just be honest and admit you want to know about the love thing. You and your ego, Dingus.” Steve smiled. He couldn’t argue with her.

“As if you’re not also dying to read yours,” he countered. 

“I’m pretty sure mine would just hurt my feelings,” Robin said with a sigh. “Robin Buckley - loved by her platonic soulmate Steve Harrington and Creepy Carl from band camp.” Eddie snickered.

“Carl wasn’t that creepy,” he said. 

“You’re only saying that because you were also kind of creepy in high school,” she replied. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Eddie responded with a shrug. “But I think I speak for all former creeps when I say we were just socially stunted and awkward. Most of us grew up to be half-decent people.”

“Way to humble brag,” Steve teased. 

“I’m bragging by saying I’m half-decent?” Eddie replied. Steve laughed and nodded. Meanwhile, Robin quickly scrolled through her phone until she stumbled across what she was looking for with a gasp.

“Oh my god,” she said. “Creepy Carl’s most recent post is about how the patriarchy is a myth.” Steve laughed again and pushed Eddie playfully. Eddie flopped over on the couch and groaned.

“Dammit, Carl, I was rooting for you!” he joked. 

“We were all rooting for you, how dare you!” the three of them shouted in unison. 

That was, of course, a reference to America’s Next Top Model, which Robin showed the boys clips of one night during a rant about the toxicity and absolute batshit nature of early 2000s reality TV. That quote, for whatever reason, stuck. They had a lot of inside jokes like that.

This is how life had been for the three of them the last few years. They’d become best friends straight out of high school, then all moved in together. Life was comfortable and nice. 

-

Steve somehow convinced Robin that they would both get their lists together. Eddie, on the other hand, downright refused.

“I don’t need any of that shit,” he insisted. “It’s not gonna do me any good, and I’m perfectly fine staying in the dark.”

“Okay, I get it,” Steve said, holding his hands up. “You’re scared and lame, that’s totally okay.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, dickhead,” he replied. “This whole thing is stupid anyway. And - and it’s not like we can seriously trust whatever it says. It’s probably just…all lies, anyway.”

“Yeah, but they’re fun lies,” Robin countered. “It’s like hearing gossip about your own life.”

“Exactly!” Steve agreed. “It’s just for fun.”

“Have your fun, then,” Eddie said devilishly. “I’ll be in my room, not being an idiot.”

Robin and Steve put their names and date of birth into a search engine and, within five minutes, each had their respective documents in their inboxes. Steve opened his immediately and eagerly, skipping past all the boring shit until he found the good stuff. 

Number of people who have had crushes on Steve Harrington: 436.

Number of people who have been in love with Steve Harrington: 85.

“Holy shit,” he muttered, looking at the long list of names. He looked up from his phone to see Robin staring at the wall. “Why aren’t you reading?”

“I don’t think I can do it,” she said. “I’m chickening out.” Steve scoffed. 

“What? Robs, come on. You already ordered the damn thing.”

“Yeah, but -” She sighed. “But now it’s, like, real.”

“Do you want me to read yours for you?” he asked. She shook her head. 

“No, I think I’m just going to keep it unread for now,” she decided. Steve shrugged.

“Okay, if that’s what you want.” Robin scooted herself over on the couch so she could look at Steve’s phone screen. 

“Wait, they even have crushes on there?” she asked, her eyes wide. “Jeez, Harrington. That’s quite the list.” Steve smirked, realizing it very much did give him an ego boost. He continued scrolling to see even more categories.

Number of people Steve Harrington has had a crush on: 63.

Jesus, Steve thought to himself. That’s kind of embarrassing. In his defense, some of them were celebrities. He continued reading.

Number of people Steve Harrington has been in love with: 3.

Steve didn’t even have to read the list to know who was on it. He quickly clicked his phone off before Robin could see.

“Hey!” she said. “What was that for? It’s not like there are any secrets between us.”

“No, I just - I’ll read it later,” Steve said. 

Robin would usually be right. She was almost completely right. It’s just that Steve had one secret. And it wasn’t even really a secret, it was just something he kept to himself, because it didn’t really matter. 

Nancy Wheeler

Robin Buckley

Eddie Munson

He had barely admitted it to himself, honestly. It’s not like anything would happen. Him and Eddie were best friends, and if something was going to happen between them, it would have already happened. Now, they were too close, and living together. It was different. It didn’t matter. Besides, Robin was on his list, and he wasn’t running off to date her.

Steve put his phone away and didn’t check the list again for a couple days. 

-

“So, how’s the list?” Eddie asked one morning as he made a pot of coffee. “You haven’t said anything about it.” Steve shrugged.

“It’s like a million pages long,” Robin chimed in. Eddie clicked his tongue against his teeth.

“That’s not surprising,” he said. “It’s a shame Harrington isn’t much of a reader. It might take him years to get through.” Steve glared at Eddie, who grinned in response.

“Are you ever going to stop poking fun at me about that?” he wondered. 

“Aaaaabsolutely not,” Eddie replied. “Steve, The Hobbit is 310 pages. 310. Even one page a day you would have been done in a year, and you’re still not done.”

“Okay, listen,” Steve responded defensively. “It’s not my kind of book, alright?”

“He likes the ones with the pictures,” Robin teased. Eddie laughed and high-fived her. 

“Wooow, okay,” Steve replied. “I see how it is. I’m just gonna grab my cereal and go, then.”

“Nooo, don’t leave on our behalf,” Eddie said.

“We’re soorrrryyyyyy,” Robin added. Steve chuckled and shook his head. 

“Whatever,” he resigned. “I haven’t read the damn list. Not all of it, anyway.” Robin’s ears perked up.

“But you’ve read some of it, right?” she asked. “Spill!”

“Just the first ten names or so,” Steve said. He had gotten a glimpse when he skimmed over it the first time. “I think it’s in chronological order.”

“Anyone surprising?” Eddie wondered. Steve shook his head. 

“No,” he said. “Although it did confirm my suspicion that Katie Crystal was into me, after all.”

“I’m thinking maybe I should read mine,” Robin said quietly.

“Yeah, well duh,” Eddie replied. “You paid for it.”

“It’s just - it’s not a big deal, right?” Steve looked at Eddie to survey his reaction. Eddie just shrugged. “It’s like you said, Eds. We don’t even know if it’s accurate.”

Steve didn’t really know if all of it was accurate, but some of it sure as shit was.

“Exactly,” Eddie agreed. “So, Steve, there’s a chance that Katie Crystal actually hated your guts. Who’s to say?”

Steve rolled his eyes. Another few days passed. 

Robin flip-flopped between whether or not she wanted to read her list every few hours or so. Steve and Eddie placed their bets on how long it would take her to crack. 

Meanwhile, Steve counted his lucky stars that Eddie decided not to buy his list. It was clear that they were bros and nothing more, so Eddie finding out would have made everything incredibly weird.

This was for the best.

-

Things carried on as they usually did, until one day Steve was so bored, he decided to revisit the godforsaken document. Plus, he’d been on a few dates that ended in disaster, and reading about the hundreds of people that were into him was bound to put him in good spirits.

He had no idea just how right he was.

The names were all relatively normal. Steve tended to know when girls had a thing for him, especially back in high school. There were some names he didn’t recognize, which meant that there were total strangers crushing on him. He wondered how that was even possible. Like, at that point, they were just basing it on looks and vibes alone. 

Eh. Steve had crushes on people in the past over less. He kept reading.

He made his way down the list until he reached Eddie’s name. He read it again and again to make sure he was seeing it right. 

Eddie had said repeatedly that this thing could be total bullshit, though. Steve had to take it all with a grain of salt. Besides, crushes meant nothing. Hell, Steve was pretty sure Eddie had mentioned once that he thought Steve was hot when they first became friends. 

Steve made his way to the list of people who’d loved him. None of the names mattered except one. 

Eddie Munson. 

“Oh, shit,” Steve muttered. “Oh, shit!” He jumped up out of bed and paced the floor. He had no idea what to do with this information.

It could be bullshit. It could be nothing. 

Or maybe, Eddie had kept saying it was bullshit because he knew what Steve would find. 

“OH MY GOD.”

Robin came bursting into Steve’s room a few moments later. 

“What? What’s going on?” she said. She looked to see his phone on the floor and his hands in his hair. “Oh my god, you read it! What was it? What’s got you all freaked out?”

“I gotta - uhh - I gotta -” He didn’t know how to finish that sentence with Robin in the room. He had to find Eddie - that’s what he had to do. But his head was spinning too much to do so. 

“That’s it. I’m gonna read mine right now,” Robin decided. She swiftly left to go back to her room while Steve continued to pace. 

“Holy shit,” he said to himself. He thought about it for a few minutes, scrawled something on a piece of paper, and then walked down the hall to Eddie’s room.

Eddie opened the door a few inches, still wearing his sweatpants. He hadn’t left his room yet that day, but his guitar was lying on his bed, which meant he’d been practicing. 

“What’s up?” Eddie asked. 

“I finished the list,” Steve replied. Eddie’s jaw clenched just enough for Steve to notice, and then he shrugged. 

“And?” Steve continued to look at Eddie until he broke his composure. He sighed, then opened his door wider. “Come in,” he said. 

Steve had been in Eddie’s bedroom a million times. They’d watched movies in there and stayed up all night talking and smoked together and dear sweet lord I am so dumb for never noticing.

“Is it bullshit?” Steve asked. Eddie started spinning the ring on his middle finger anxiously, refusing to make eye contact.

“Uhh, is what bullshit?” Eddie replied. Steve put his hands on his hips and cocked his head. 

“Come on, you know what I’m talking about,” he said. “I just - is it bullshit? Tell me the truth.”

Eddie stared at him for a few long moments before gently shaking his head. 

“It’s not bullshit.”

Steve’s hands fell back to his sides, and he felt himself get lightheaded. 

“It’s -” he began, struggling to find the words. He cleared his throat. “Wow, I uh -”

“It doesn’t matter, though,” Eddie interjected. “Just so you know. I like what we have. We’re, ya know, we’re friends. Roommates.”

“Do you still -?” Steve started to ask. He noticed Eddie’s eyes flooded with fear, a sight he rarely saw. “I mean, do you still?”

“Steve, I -” Eddie began, his voice tired. “I really, uh. I don’t know what to say.” 

Steve dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper he’d ripped from his notebook. He held it out for Eddie to take, and when Eddie didn’t reach for it, Steve stepped closer and stuffed the page right into Eddie’s hand. 

“Read it,” Steve encouraged.

“What is it?”

“It’s your list.” Eddie’s faced scrunched with confusion. “Yeah, I made it myself.” 

“I told you, I don’t wanna know,” he said, trying to give the paper back to Steve.

“Trust me, you do.”

Eddie sighed, then unfolded the paper and read it. 

People who are in love with Eddie Munson:

-Me

-(Steve Harrington)

Steve waited and watched Eddie’s eyes travel up and down the page, similar to the way Steve’s had when he read Eddie’s name on his own list. Finally, Eddie looked up. 

“Really?” he asked, his voice soft. Steve smiled and nodded. 

“Really.”

In that moment, they both knew this changed everything, and yet it changed nothing at all. They’d just skipped a bunch of steps of dating - blown past the getting-to-know-you stage straight into living together and doing all the domestic shit. 

Eddie and Steve each stepped toward the other until their hands met. 

“OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!”

Robin’s voice pierced through their intimate moment and completely obliterated it. The boys glanced at each other in confusion and then ran out to see what Robin was yelling about. 

She was already out the front door by the time they got to the kitchen. If this were a cartoon, she would have left behind a cloud of smoke. 

“What do you think that’s about?” Steve asked. Eddie felt his phone buzz and checked it to find Robin had texted a screenshot to the household group chat. He smirked.

“Vicki’s on her list,” Eddie said. Steve chuckled, happy that everyone managed to find their happy ending. 

“You know what that means?” Steve asked. 

“That you owe me 20 bucks?” Eddie teased.

“Well, that," Steve replied. "But is also means we’re alone in the apartment for a while." Eddie grinned and took Steve by the hand. 

“I like the way you think.”

They ran to Steve’s room together, and if the confession of love hadn’t already changed everything, sleeping together certainly did.

It was the good kind of change, though. The kind that moved mountains and cleared all the clouds from the sky. 

At last, the idiots were together. All it took was years of denial and one payment of $44.49.

----------------------

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[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

[butterflydm]

pulling out bits from recent cast interviews re: s3

Several sets of interviews came out today! wotseries.com has six (!); looper.com, decider.com, & collider.com all have one each.

(speculation and spoilers for s3 and for the books through TFoH)

In Ceara's wotseries interview, we get this little hint:

WotSeries: How far along in the books are you? Ceara: I wouldn’t want to say because I read up to where we are in the scripts, and I think that would give away too much.

This implies to me that s3 is going to go a bit beyond The Shadow Rising, at least in places, because it's no secret that TSR is going to be the spine of the season.

We get more from Daniel:

WotSeries: How about any movement towards developing the relationship between Lan and Nynaeve in season three? Daniel: Season three, yes, it’s more of a build season for those two. There are some really great scenes, some stuff we’re really happy with. We do get to see some intimate stuff, not sexual stuff necessarily. So, some moments with them. But with Lan and Nynaeve, it’s this working toward what the book readers know it’s going to be. It all depends on how much time we get, how many seasons we get to do this thing. That’s a relationship that I’m really excited about and I love working with Zoë.

So, again, yeah, that really does make me feel like we're going to get one or two episodes at the start of the season where the whole crew is together and bonding. In the books, Lan and Nynaeve basically don't see each other at all between splitting up at the beginning of TSR and then eight million years later in ACoS. I do think that we might also get a reunion of at least some of the characters at the end of s3, though.

In Donal's interview:

Dónal: Well, I have big faith in Mat. I’m pretty confident in him. Regarding chatting to women.

This makes me wonder if we're getting Melindhra introduced next season. Because, uh, Mat has not really had a lot of success so far. I mean, apart from the very first episode.

Dónal: Well, there’s loads that you can look forward to in season 3. I mean, we’ve got much of it. I feel like I’ve filmed a good stretch of it, and I’ve really enjoyed the material and the new arc. This arc that I go on this season. And I think you can just expect things to be… there’s more moments with the characters to kind of learn about them in more quiet, subtle ways, more revealing ways. And I think it’s probably common knowledge that Mat does change his clothes between 2 and 3. You know, like really, we would have to ask questions and get concerned if he didn’t. I feel like I could tell you that. And I’m excited, man. I’m very happy to be wearing what I’m wearing.

Not that this should be shocking to anyone, lol, but Mat will have an arc next season! Dónal does a good job of not saying anything here though, lol. We WOULD have to be concerned if he hadn't changed clothes, yes, lol. I am excited to hear that Mat is getting some good character moments next season.

Ceara also shared this with us in the collider interview:

My script is always annotated with little quotes from the books, which I really love.

That's amazing! I think this is the first time anyone has mentioned it? That's a really neat way of giving the actors context for their lines.

We all knew that Elayne & Nynaeve would get a big story together in s3 but we get that confirmed:

We see Elayne bump into certain characters this season, but obviously, this cast is huge and growing all the time. I'm sure you cannot go into too many spoilers about Season 3, but for Ceara the actor, which characters are you really excited for Elayne to get to have more screen time with? COVENEY: I'm really excited to continue the journey that Zoë and I have started with Nynaeve and Elayne. I'm really excited to see where that goes because they've had such a rough start and were thrown into such extreme situations. So yeah, if the fans lovingly call it the Detective Agency, I'm excited to see if the business is thriving.

Natasha had two interviews that I've seen, one with decider and one with looper.

There's nothing for s3 in the decider interview that I could see, but from looper we get:

But it's not just about the evil deeds; it's also about the politics. When you come into Season 3 — without giving anything away — it opens up the mind to this more vulnerable side of Lanfear and where she's coming from. The relationship with Rand — there are scenes in Series 2 [where] you get little glimpses and nuggets of that, that there is a vulnerability there, or more reasons rather than just being dark and evil. Circling back to a previous comment, you said Lanfear knows what she wants. As Natasha, what do you think Lanfear wants? The goal in the whole realm of the world is, if I put it like … Beyoncé and Jay-Z. She wants to be the king and queen. What she wants is the Dragon and her to be together, have their kingdom, make some good choices. That's her main goal, and to shoo away anybody else that gets in the way of that.

So it sounds like we might be getting Lanfear's Big Offer (we could challenge the Creator) to Rand in s3, which would make sense.

[1moreff-creator]

Happy Birthday David Chiem!

Usually, for these characters’ birthdays, I do a somewhat half-hearted attempt at a character analysis. But do you think I’m gonna do this for David? Hell no, he’s way too complicated for me to do something like that in this style of post! And I am not making a post that difficult right after that Mai thing.

So, instead, I’m just going to list a few fun facts, because that’s easier. Hope you like it anyways!

(By the way, I’ve always loved that frame of the MV so, so much)

-His birthday lands on “National Book Lovers’ Day”, which says National but is recognized globally. Considering the MV, I’d say that fits. It also coincides with the Annual Perseid Meteor Shower Peak Night, Co-working Day (hah, as if), and get ready, “Hold Hands Day”.

-His profile states he likes ready-make oatmeal. According to the recent Q&A, he can cook, he just prefers not to. This actually fits with quite a few scenes in the series where it’s implied he prefers not to get out of bed unless necessary (mood), such as his brief outburst in the introduction and the several times he’s shown not to eat with anyone else. Though maybe that’s actually caused by him hating people.

-He dislikes expensive things. Kinda based.

-He does TEDTalks, and that’s presumably where he gets his talent from.

-As he stated himself, he has pretty bad bed hair. And apparently, he can summon it at will, as seen in Ch 2 Ep 11.

-His pupils seem to turn into stars whenever he… smiles or puts on a positive attitude? It doesn’t seem to follow a strict logic other than “whenever it looks cool”.

-He has an older sister named Diana. Or, well, that’s what he claims. Footnote 11 of you-know-what may imply she never actually existed. It’s unclear what this means at the moment.

-He seemed to genuinely like Xander, and wanted to be friends with him, as he’d value that relationship more than Xander’s idolatry.

-The secret quote in his page is "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you could just die." How nice! This is either talking to himself, or presumably something he'll say to Teruko since their characters do be foiling.

-The quote on Mai's page attached to him is "She forgives everyone." It's the second to last line in the script, before MonoTV's. I have to physically restrain myself from theorizing.

-Some stuff from the Q&As:

*He usually wears semi-formal, 'professional' clothes.

*His blue hair is actually fully natural.

*This is the default sprite for his fuckboy persona:

... But, like, why though. Why's he so sassy.

*Bisexual with a strong female lean. Diversity win! The biggest liar you know is bisexual!

*His favorite color is gamboge (the yellow of his star pupils), stating it’s inspiring; while his least favorite is gray, stating it’s depressing. This could imply he actually likes the cheerier persona he usually puts on more than his real self, or the villainous persona he plays in the trial.

*He handles his feelings badly. We been knew.

*His hair clips were his manager’s idea, to build brand recognition. Apparently David doesn’t like this manager too much, but he puts up with them for the contract. Also, when he takes off his hair clips in the trial, he places them in his PANT POCKETS.

*I’m sure you’ve realized this, but you remember that section of the Q&A where the dev gives details about the family members we had known about from the series (Elliot Cuevas, Felicity Giles, Fuyuko and Natsuko Naegishi, Ryan Moreno/Rosales)? Diana Chiem isn’t mentioned, perhaps further hinting at her non-existence.

*He has an average amount of strength.

*His favorite ice cream flavor is pistachio, because of course it’s pistachio.

*He smells like men’s cologne, but only faintly. Hope you’re happy with that answer, you weirdos (/affectionate).

*He’s American, like everyone else except maybe Teruko.

And now, for his playlist! I kinda already posted this in a reblog to another post, but here it is officially!

+Literature Girl Insane, by Karasuyasabou (I mean, obviously)

+Undead Enemy, by Suzumu and Giga-P (probably his song from the official character playlist)

+Monochrome Mentality, by Riproducer / RIP

+Grey, by QueenPB

+The Distortionist, by Ghost & Pals (CW: Abuse)

+Copycat, by CircusP

+How to Pretend, by CircusP (FNAF pog)

+Echo, by Crusher-P

+God-ish, by PinocchioP

+The Court Jester, by thquib

+DISAPPEARANCE ADDICTION, by Kairikibear

+Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing, by Set it Off

+The Things I Deserve, by Ghost & Pals (CW: suicide)

+All Eyes on Me, by OR3O

+Not Your Angel, by NightCove_theFox (apparently I’m making him into an Alice Angel kinnie)

And, finally…

+Happy birthday! Though he would absolutely despise anyone who tries to sing it to him, I imagine.

[batsplat]

A sentence in Casey’s book impressed me, even though he didn't name anyone explicitly

“Maybe someone who could put on the charm when they need it regardless of sincerity could have turned the situation around but I don’t have that skill.”

He totally gets that Valentino has endless charm, lol. I’m sure he felt it too when they hung out

yes!! this was about casey and his relationship to the fans wasn't it, and in a section of the book where he was talking about his rivalry with valentino, so hardly a stretch to say it was deliberately alluding to him. and of course casey talking about valentino's charm is not unrelated to how casey did seem to like valentino perfectly fine back in the day... how he said back in 2007 that he liked talking to valentino, that they generally talked about stuff other than racing, how valentino gets on with most guys in the paddock... though it's interesting (if not particularly surprising) how by the time the autobiography is written, casey portrays the early dynamic between the pair of them pretty dispassionately. just from the book you'd get the sense of someone who was coolly respectful of valentino until valentino started pissing him off, rather than someone who was... y'know, also a bit of a fan. somebody who got the valentino rossi appeal, shall we say. we all have our crosses to bear

which, I don't even think it was just about the racing. I doubt he ever wanted to emulate valentino in the same way jorge or marc might have wanted to do off the track, but stuff like calling him a "great competitor and a great sportsman"... that for years he'd been "dreaming to be like him"... that valentino and doohan were "the sort of people I wanted to become like"... I reckon that's a little more than simply respect for him as a rider, and I don't think casey back then would have said that stuff just because he knew it'll play well with the public. he found valentino exciting, like so many before and since have done - and still did so for the entirety of 2006 (he said more recently that he was even more impressed by valentino after that season, which is kinda noteworthy given that's the year valentino did, you know, lose the title). but then they became direct rivals, and. well

of course the "regardless of sincerity" in the quote is pretty pointed lol, like he does clearly see valentino as very two-faced and willing to spin a line regardless of whether it's true or not and also as someone happy to deceive others for his own gains. and his rhetoric has also changed just a wee bit since he published the autobiography on that count, where he more recently does stress how... well, he did learn from how valentino played the media! he learned how to get friendly with journalists! he learned how to play that game, of trying to win the public discourse! he might never have liked it, and he still probably would say like in the autobiography that this "charm" "regardless of sincerity" isn't something that he'll ever be as good at as valentino was. but he did dabble in the dark arts just a touch... I think one of the most interesting tensions of that rivalry is to what extent valentino forced casey out of his comfort zone both on- and off-track and ended up making casey adopt behaviours and attitudes he continued to find reprehensible. casey considers valentino 'selfish' both on- and off-track but to fight him both on- and off-track he became more selfish in turn... very dramatically compelling

anyway, here's casey chatting to fellow aussie jb when he's come to watch the podium celebrations after one of valentino's 2005 wins:

[quodekash]

IM BACK WITH MORE MSP INCORRECT QUOTES BUT THIS TIME THEY’RE (mostly) SHIPPING QUOTES BC I SAID SO 

(also it’s mostly soundwin bc theyve taken over but there’s also tiwpor and tinngun and like one yonook quote lol) 

Win: Hey, are you okay?  Sound: Yeah.  Win: You don’t look okay...  Sound: Then stop looking. 

—- —-

Win: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch. Sound: What changed your mind? Win: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

—- —-

Sound: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch. Win: What changed your mind? Sound: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

—-(this quote works both ways lmao)—-

Gun: Can I have a private talk with you? Pat: Okay, as long as it’s not about tampons because I just don’t understand them.

—- —-

Sound: Hey, Gun? Can I get some dating advice? Gun: Just because I'm with Tinn doesn't mean I know how I did it.

—- —-

Tiw: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Gun recently. Tinn: No, Tiw, it's not what it looks like, I swear. Tiw: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous? Tinn: No! You’re the only one for me. Tiw: Is that so? Tinn: I promise! Gun and I are just dating, okay? He's my boyfriend. Tiw: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved? Tinn: You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more! Tiw: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right? Tinn: Of course bro! Tiw: Bro... Gun: What the-

—- —-

Sound: H-how do you ask someone out? Por: Well, first- Tiw: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot. Sound: ...And you said yes?

—- —-

Sound: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you… Win: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

—- —-

Yo, sweating: Nook, there’s something I need to ask you- Nook: Finally! You’re proposing! Yo: How’d you know? Nook: Yo, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner. Nook: I even picked it up once.

—- —-

Tiw: Hey Win, wanna third wheel on my date with Por tomorrow? Win: Sure. Tiw: Sound! Wanna third wheel on my date with Por tomorrow? Tiw: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date! Win & Sound: … Por: Tiw...

—-(the only reason any of them get anything done is bc of tiw)—-

Sound: You have to apologize to them Win. Win: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

—-(PLEASE let this be how the fight happens)—-

Por: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Tiw and I are dating. Tiw, Gun, Yo, Win, Pat, and Sound: *gasp* Por: Tiw, why are you surprised?!

—- —-

Tinn: Gun is playing hard to get. Tinn: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

—- —-

Tinn: I’ve been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Gun: Wow. He sounds stupid. Tinn: But he’s not. He’s really smart actually. Just dense. Gun: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Tinn: I guess you’re right. Hey Gun, I love you. Gun: See! Just say that! Tinn: Holy fucking shit. Gun: If that flies over his head then, sorry Tinn, but he's too dumb for you. Tinn: Gun.

 —-(this is literally how episode 6 went)—-

Tiw: Ooh, somebody has a crush Win: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Sound I just think he’s cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Win, very much awake: Uh oh.

—- —-

Gun: *yawns* Tinn: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring. Gun: Then you must be exhuasted. Pat: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

—- —-

*playing twister* Tiw: Right hand red. Sound: *ends up on top of Win* Win: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Tiw: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

—- —-

Yo: Why doesn’t Nook find me sexy when I bite my lip? Por: What do you look like when you bite your lip? Yo: *bites lip* Por: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

—- —-

Sound: My hands are cold. Win: Here, let me hold them. Sound: My lips are cold too. Win: *covers Sound's mouth with his hand*

—- —-

Win: I owe you one. Sound: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

—- —-

Tiw: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. Por: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* Tiw: That one. I want that one.

—- —-

Sound: The stars are so beautiful... Win: They're just giant balls of gas. Sound: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- Win: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. Sound: Oh...

—-(IM CRYING PLS LET THIS BE HOW THE REVEAL OF WIN’S FEELINGS HAPPENS (like sound attempting to flirt with win and win cutting him off with his own cheesy confession line and djfdjjfdjdfj))—-

Win, throwing his head into Sound's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Sound, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

—- —-

Win: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Sound: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Win: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Sound: Is it working?

—- —-

Win: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Sound: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Win: I said within reason, Sound. How about I murder that guy? Sound: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Win: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

—- —-

Sound: Are we fighting or flirting? Win: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Sound: Your point?

—- —-

Sound: I love you. Win, not paying attention: What was that? Sound: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

—- —- 

conclusion: i love soundwin way too much and need to get a grip on myself like a grip as strong as the grip sound and win had on each others shirts at the end of episode 9 im so sorry ill stop now 

[miracles-and-butterflies]

Here is the promised sequel to The False Madrigal, based on a prompt by @phoenixlionme.

Please note that this is not written in Mirabel’s POV, it flicks between several characters. No hate to any of the characters, they are all dealing with their own things.

Some of my headcanons for the childhood of the Madrigals and Mirabel’s full name. I’ll talk about them more separately later.

Also, this has an ambiguous ending - I know who did it and why. But let’s see if anyone can guess first.

~~~~~~

The True Madrigals

“Isn’t it perfect, mi princesa?” Abuela asked.

The mural looked even better under the golden light of the sunset. The tones were warmer and the colours shift in splendour. Everyone looks better, in her opinion. Isabela doesn’t.

“So perfect,” Isabela answers, taking Abuela’s hand. “Abuela, can I ask you something?”

“Of course. Anything.”

“I’ve been curious. Why isn’t my sister in the mural?”

Abuela glances to the right side. Her eyes narrowed, inspecting the piece carefully.

“Señor Cortez must have asked her and clearly she refused,” Abuela answered. She sounded disappointed, rarely a tone Isabela had to hear, yet she still shifted in discomfort. “You know how silly she is with photographs. She is a child with strange ideas.”

“She was surprised yesterday,” Isabela said.

“Was she? Well, children can lie and act out, Isabela. It is an insult to us and Señor Cortez for her to act so poorly.”

Taking a breath, Abuela turns back to Isabela.

“I expect that your portrait will be just as fine as the mural.” Abuela smiles, changing the subject.

She had liked it when she saw it the first time. That was two months ago. And don’t get her wrong, she still did. It’s just… something about Camilo’s annoying questions yesterday made her hate her image though, and now they wouldn’t leave her head.

Would the whole thing have to be redone? The space between her and Dolores looked too small and awkward, assuming Dolores would also be married off after her. Isabela thought they all would be. Abuela wants more blessings, more generations - surely she can’t be expected to deliver on that front alone?

Fuck.

She knows Abuela wants grandchildren from her, and a lot at that, but… she’s never thought about exactly how many before. Is she wanting Isabela to create the next generation herself? Her and Mariano’s babies…

No.

That’s not going to happen.

Tío Bruno’s vision said as much.

She was going to get the life of her dreams, to quote the prophet himself. His visions are always true.

Besides, there isn’t that much room. The whole mural will be off balance if Señor Cortez tried to squeeze Mariano in there. And it’s pretty close to the ground, right? That’s not much room for one baby, never mind six.

Maybe something is going to happen in the next few months.

She has been quiet about the relationship recently. It isn’t what it use to be. A sign of them drifting apart. She could marry someone else, someone she got along with better. If she hears another song, if he shows her another poem, she’s going to go insane.

In her head, she dared to ask. “But what about Mariano?”

“Oh, how wonderful, Isabelita!”

Shit. Flowers burst against her skull. She said that out loud?

Abuela is beaming, glowing. “What a splendid idea! It is inspiring to see your devotion to Mariano. I would never have thought of adding the husbands myself… What would I do without you?”

Isabela isn’t listening.

As if sensing Isabela’s emotions, Abuela tightens her grip comfortingly and whispers, “You need not worry, I’m sure Señor Cortez be more than happy to adjust his work when the time comes.”

Isabela smiles.

She needs a stronger word than fuck.

~~~~~~

Isabela has barely been back for five minutes when Luisa bursts into the room.

“Isabela! Stop growing foxgloves near the donkey pen! You know they’re poisonous!” Luisa yelled. “Señor Ruiz’ donkey has died.”

“It’s not my fault if the stupid things keep eating them! And they weren’t near the pen. They are growing off Casita.”

Isabela was a grown woman. Why did she have to deal with Luisa’s petty complaints? Her sister could just simply move the donkeys elsewhere. Or just tell the animals to stop.

The younger sister growled. “It is your fault because you’re the selfish witch who keeps growing them!”

Isabela recoils, physically flinching in the vanity mirror at Luisa’s words. Her eyes narrow, nostrils flare, her lip curls. “Selfish? I have been—”

“Ugh, not this again. Isabela Madrigal and her tragic tale of having to be the eldest grandchild,” Luisa groaned sarcastically. “Just stop growing poisonous flowers!”

There’s a squeak from the door that stops them before the fight can become physical.

“Dolores?” Isabela questions, flowery vines dragging an unsuspecting Luisa out of the way. The older smirks as she struggles. “Have you come to tell Luisa how it isn’t my fault she built the donkey pen beside my flowers?”

“My fault?!” Luisa squawks from the ground. “You’re the only one with roses coming out of your ass!”

“I’m telling Abuela—”

“¡Primas!” They stop. More from the shock of Dolores’ volume and her tone that almost sounds concerned, compared to the usual quiet monotone. 

“What?” They both asked, simultaneously.

Dolores didn’t respond. She tilted her head, something she only did when listening for a certain sound.

Isabela groaned with impatience. “Dolores?”

“Hm! Sorry,” their cousin whispered, shaking her head a little. “I was making sure Abuela wasn’t coming this way. I need to talk to you about something.” The pair nodded. Begrudgingly, Isabela let Luisa leave the greenery chains. “I just noticed your sister isn’t in the mural.”

“Course she is, why wouldn’t she be?” Luisa said.

“I already know about this,” Isabela piped up. “Abuela told me that Señor Cortez asked her if she wanted to be in it because she so weird with photos, and she said no.”

“I never heard him asking her.”

“Well, there’s no way you can remember everything little thing you hear, Dolores.”

“I don’t think Abuela would’ve wanted her missing, regardless of her saying no, it makes the family look incomplete.” Luisa argued. “The mural was two months ago. Her picture has probably just faded.”

“Your red does look very washed out.”

Dolores is now the one frustrated. At least, Isabela and Luisa seem to be agreeing on something for once.

“Alright, if it’s just merely fading, I’ll ask him to repaint the mural. And then we’ll see who’s wrong and who’s right.”

~~~~~~

Days pass, the middle of May blooms with the promise of a perfectly joyous summer, with a new gift to come and a marriage on the way.

Señor Cortez is packing away his painting supplies.

The gossip of town reveal it’s just a touch up on the faded colours. After all, April had brought some tough weather and Pepa had tried (and failed) to counter it.

Dolores, Isabela and Luisa stand before it.

“Huh,” Luisa mumbles. “She really isn’t there.”

“I told you, she didn’t want to be. I asked Señor Cortez and he said he assumed she didn’t want to be in it. Problem solved. So why do you still look bothered, Dolores?” Isabela asked.

“Because none of us fucking noticed, that’s why. It’s been here for two months. And nobody said or did anything!”

Luisa shrugged. “Surely she would have said something, you know, if it bothered her?”

“She asked when she first saw it,” Isabela said. “But she didn’t complain to ask to be added.”

“Maybe she thought that Señor Cortez would just add her in anyways and was just surprised to see she was actually allowed to sit out? We always make her stand for photographs.”

“Sounds possible,” Dolores commented.

The three leave, returning to their chores with a clear mind, happy to leave this argument behind.

~~~~~~

With Antonio’s fifth birthday fast approaching, Julieta, Pepa, Agustín and Félix stare for days on end.

“I swear, Cortez has made your hair greyer.” Pepa says, tauntingly beside her sister.

“My hair isn’t that grey.”

“I forgot how bright the colours were,” Agustín comments. “It’s almost blinding.”

“Maybe we should add our handprints at the bottom. Just to give it a more personal touch.” Félix ponders out loud.

“That’s a great idea!”

“No,” Julieta intervenes. “Remember how much you infected your cut last time you used paint? I won’t let you near it. We can’t have another shortage on ingredients from me trying to heal that.”

Agustín chuckles, pulling her closer. “I promise, I learnt my lesson I won’t do it again. Watching Luisa try to cram all my chores in with her own was a nightmare.”

“Remember when Luisa didn’t work?”

“Remember when all the kids didn’t work?” Félix suggests.

“Isabela and Luisa just ran circles in the garden, competing over nothing and everything, biting each other.” Julieta grumbled, rubbing her temples at the thought of how often she had to scold them not to.

“I forgot how violent they were,” Pepa said.

“Their first words, the first steps…”

“Dolores was ‘Papí’ and Camilo was ‘hola’. Oh! It only feels like yesterday when Toñito started saying ‘Mamí’.” Pepa cried.

Félix opened the umbrella above them, they huddled closer. “Luisa use to scream ‘Papa’ and ‘Bela’ at every opportunity.”

“My ears are still ringing.” Agustín laughed. “Isabela loved ‘no’, didn’t she? And what else, mi amor? Mirabel was ‘purple’.”

“Her first eleven words were all colours.

Pepa gasped. “Agustín and I threw books off the shelf to get Mirabel to walk. She’d retrieve the book, put it back and go back to playing. She use to cry when things got messy, like every time Camilo made a mess with his food.”

“You couldn’t have just held her hand like the other children?”

“She was never as restless as them. She was like a kitten, just playing with yarn in the corner. And now look at her! Fifteen years later, all grown up and…”

The wind picks up and the umbrella is long gone, smacking straight into a passing cart, as rain pours harder. Julieta sighs, fondly.

“Pepa, she isn’t even your daughter.”

“Are you alright, mi vida?”

The red-haired woman merely points.

The other three follow, their eyes falling back on the bright mural. That looks even brighter when clashing with the dark, storm-filled skies above. Each flash of lightning only illuminates the hauntingly empty space beside Luisa.

“Mirabel…”

Julieta’s whisper barely cuts through the sounds of harsh weather and the confusedly concerned crowd of townspeople and the hurried beating of their hearts and the coursing emotions through their veins.

“Mirabel…” Julieta repeats. “She… mi bebé… she isn’t… where is she?” The healer’s faced is flushed and her hair is disbelieved and her voice cracked.

Félix tries to push down his shock, wanting to calm Pepa. Agustín just gapes. Julieta is storming off back to Casita before anyone can stop her.

She all but kicks the doors open. She doesn’t care about Casita right now.

Dolores jumps at the sound and scurries off, the young woman knows too much. Isabela just looks beguiled from the balcony. Luisa, Camilo and Antonio are nowhere to be seen, probably out of the building. Good, Julieta doesn’t want them here right now.

On her search to find who she’s looking for, she runs into Mirabel.

“Mirabel, go upstairs.” She says, and the words come out harsher than she intends.

“Is everything okay?” She asks gently, leaving her sewing at the dining table as she approaches her mother. Eyes looking hurt, but she’s mostly concerned as she goes for Julieta’s hand. “Are you okay? Can I help—”

“Mirabel Teresa Rojas Madrigal, I will not tell you again!”

Mirabel retracts her hand, as if burnt.

Out of all the children, Mirabel has always been the best behaved and has never had to deal with any punishment from either of her parents. As much as this sudden anger is throwing her off balance, Julieta is struggling too.

She doesn’t mean it. She’s angry with herself. But she doesn’t want Mirabel to be the one comforting her over this, so she needs to go. This anger and hate is so foreign, she doesn’t know what to do with it.

Tears pierce Mirabel’s eyes, but she obediently gathers her things and leaves to the nursery.

Julieta finally found who she was looking for in the living room, looking sentimental and happy as she flicked through one of the family photo albums (Julieta and Agustín’s wedding to find inspiration for Isabela’s).

“Julieta,” the older woman closed the book over, placing it on the chair as she stood to greet her daughter. “What do you need, mija?”

“Why didn’t you say anything about the mural?”

Alma raises an eyebrow. “I don’t understand. Dolores asked if Señor Cortez could repaint it and I gave her my permission. Is that not what’s happened?”

Julieta took a deep breath. “Why isn’t Mirabel in it?”

The atmosphere shifted instantly. Not only because Agustín and Félix had entered the room, but Alma’s lip curled, nostrils flared and her eyes turned cold. She seemingly ignored the pure anger coming from her daughter, the confusion and shock of the in-laws.

“I have no idea—”

“Don’t lie to me!”

The woman sighed. “I do not know what took place, Julieta. But Señor Cortez is a good and honest man. I have good reason to believe that he asked her whether or not she wanted to be painted, and she said no.” She gestured to the photographs on the surrounding walls. “She has always been fussy with photographs, you should not be surprised that paintings are the same.”

The answer stands to reason.

So why isn’t she satisfied?

“Isabela was there when she was the mural for the first time,” Alma continues, slightly relaxed. “She told me that she was surprised.”

Julieta’s hands are shaking. Agustín takes one, and rubs her knuckles with his fingers.

“Why would she be if she knew she wasn’t going to be in it?” Félix asks, significantly calmer than everyone else in the room. But he looks like he’s going to be sick.

The older woman hardens, infuriated by the question. “To make us appear cruel for attention. Fortunately, she stopped the deceitful act before it could carry on, and I shall have words with her to make sure she won’t dare to humiliate us in public again.”

“My daughter is not deceitful.” Agustín glares.

“That may be, but she is still a jinx.”

Agustín shuts up at that.

“All I had wanted was a perfect grandson from you two; just as I had, two girls and a boy. And look at what has happened since,” Abuela laments, quietly. “I tell you, I regret the day she was born. She has brought nothing but misfortune to our family.”

With a heavy sigh, Alma leaves the room in silence.

She needs to protect the family, their home, the community and the miracle. Her youngest granddaughter, whether intentional or not, has made that role far from easy. She can’t let something happen to them. Not again.

With the soft drops of rain and snow, she heads up the stairs to quietly consult the miracle and Pedro. For what is she to do?

~~~~~~

The next morning, everyone awakes to find the mural has changed.

It happened during the night, nobody saw or heard anything. Señor Cortez always works in the day and very slowly with that large curtain hiding his work. This was something done and someone gone in the space of hours after midnight.

The family themselves haven’t been by yet. Otherwise Isabela would have remade her flowers, which usually cut off half of Luisa’s arm from view. And the paint glints as if still wet, yet to be dried by Pepa’s sunlight. Abuela would have made a morning announcement about it, if she knew.

The town can’t pinpoint the difference. They think it was just another touch up. Has Antonio grown a bit? Is Isabela wearing a ring? Maybe the words of Los Madrigal weren’t always pink?

The girl beside Luisa looked more detailed than any other of the Madrigals. Each tiny little piece of embroidery had been added, looking neater and finer than it did in reality. It’s a copy of the others, sure, but not exactly the same. The curls were messy, forming a triangle around the head. The additional height was funny. The arms looked stout and awkward. The colours looked off. The placement on the wall was off too - it had been centre before, now it wasn’t.

The townspeople discuss.

“Who the hell is that?”

“I’ve never seen her before.”

“Why does some random girl get to be in it?”

“Do you think they’ll add all of us townspeople in the mural?”

“She’s not even from Encanto.”

It’s only the minority that say and think like that. Most people don’t notice the mural has changed at all.

Mirabel pretends it doesn’t hurt.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I was listening to some real people comedians (as in, local comedians whom I have met in real life, and can therefore not be considered to have in any way “made it” in comedy, because if they had then they would not be hanging out around me) talk the other day, and they were discussing the concept of “laughs per minute”, and whether it’s a bullshit way to judge comedy. Which I think it usually is, depending on the context. In a really short club set, it probably does matter a lot because you don’t have time to do more than that. In a Stewart Lee Edinburgh hour, he can go 35 minutes setting something up and everyone will just trust that the punchline at the end will be worth it.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the concept, and how I judge comedy in lots of different ways, and what has made me laugh the most – both in terms of most laughs per minute and hardest laughs overall – is not exactly the same as my favourite comedy shows ever. But anything that manages any kind of notable laughs per minute rating is impressive, because lots of shows I really like never clear that bar. If we define a “laugh” as something outwardly expressed and audible, more than just a smile and a nose exhale, then it doesn’t actually happen all that often. I’ll consider a show very successful if it gets me to do that just a few times across an hour.

So I’ve tried to think of what comedy shows have successfully gotten more than that, have made me properly laugh out loud really consistently for their entire runtime (whether that’s an hour or 15 minutes, though obviously it’s more impressive if they can sustain it for longer). If I’m thinking about this across my whole life, I have to take into account the fact that everything’s funnier when you’re a kid, you haven’t already seen every obvious joke so nothing is hack or overdone. I remember the shows I was into as a kid (ages 7 to 14 or so, I think) as the funniest things in the entire world, I used to watch every episode over and over and over. The main ones on rotation being Flying Circus, Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Mr. Bean, Ripping Yarns, Yes Minister, M*A*S*H, and Cheers.

Now, at 33, I can understand why it’s annoying to have the parrot sketch memorized – because it’s been quoted so often than at this point repeating it is almost like, for example, trying to sell someone something that's long dead and nailed to a perch. At nine, I could recite every word in it, over and over for hours, and it never stopped being funny. As an adult, I’m still pretty sure Blackadder was a work of genius, but I don’t think I’ll ever again find anything as funny as I found Hugh Laurie’s acting power stance when I was eleven years old. I used to wake up at 5:30 AM to watch a few episodes of whatever show I was re-watching at the moment (my list of shows on rotation was heavily determined by what was in my parents’ DVD boxset collection), until I could mouth along to all the lines but they never got less funny.

I did re-watch every episode of all those British shows in 2020 (so everything but M*A*S*H and Cheers, though I’ve rewatched a few episodes of both those recently as well) to see how they held up, and while they didn’t make me cry with laughter the way I did as a kid, I still thought almost all of them were very good. And by “almost all of them”, I mean… look, I think Mr. Bean is just meant to be a kids’ show. I loved it when I first watched it, because that shit’s hilarious when you’re a kid. As an adult, it looked like a kid’s show with a few genuinely funny moments. The turkey on the head is still funny. Playing with the toy Daleks in the Christmas store is still funny. My family still watches the Christmas special every year on that holiday. The rest of it we can probably leave behind.

Anyway, the point is that you can’t count that because I was a kid. Then I think of my favourite comedy shows that I got into as a teenager. Major ones to come to mind are The Thick of It, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Community, Arrested Development, Flight of the Conchords, Freaks and Geeks. My favourite comedy shows of my twenties: Bojack Horseman, Veep, Archer, Brooklyn Nine Nine, The Good Place, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Portlandia, Broad City, Party Down, Bob’s Burgers. I supposed I should add a mention of my mixed and up-and-down longterm relationship with South Park.

I remember a lot of things I’ve loved about those shows besides pure laughs per minute – the characters, the ideas, the atmosphere. I’d go back to certain shows over and over just because I liked the way it made me feel to spend time in the world they created. But for pure, really hard, out-loud laughs? Looking at that list, I think the ones to get the most of those out of me were The Thick of It, Veep, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, and maybe when they were at their best, Portlandia, Archer, and Community could do it. But not all the time. There isn’t really that long a list of comedies that have consistently made me laugh really hard once I wasn’t a kid anymore.

Anyway, that isn’t actually what I was thinking about that made me decide to write this post. The conversation I heard from local comedians, about laughs per minute, made me think of what has done that to me in my thirties, the few years since COVID occurred and I decided to not do anything except British comedy. I have seen and heard and read so much comedy in the last few years, and I have really really loved quite a lot of it. So I was surprised when I realized that I think, if you judge it entirely by out-loud laughs per minute, there aren’t a huge number that come to mind as consistently providing a high rate of those.

In terms of full-length stand-up hours, I think there might still be no one who’s gotten more proper laughs per minute out of me than Rhod Gilbert. All four of his DVD shows are incredible – I think I’d say the first one (The Award Winning Mince Pie) is my favourite, though I might just have a soft spot for the first one I saw, when I first had my eyes opened to that captivating style.

I hesitate a little to comment on his health from the perspective of how much I love his comedy specials, because I don’t want to make something as serious as a person’s life or death about whether I’ll get to hear more comedy specials (I feel the same way about Mark Steel’s current situation – I did make a post a while ago in which I said he has to recover for the sake of Radio Four, but obviously, he has to recover for the sake of himself and his family, even his annoying son, I wish them all the best and it’s not about the comedy fans). But for everyone’s sake, mainly his, God am I ever glad he’s back and by all accounts okay. He’s said he was diagnosed with cancer the day after he recorded his latest special, and you can really tell in that video that he was being slowed down and struggled to match his usual frantic energy levels, but it was still brilliant.

Anyway, I think Rhod Gilbert still wins at laughs per minute from me in stand-up. Proper laughter. Laughing so hard I can’t breathe and have to pause the video so I don’t miss the next bit and end up with tears in my eyes and my throat and stomach hurt. I think Rhod Gilbert has done that to me the most. I’ve tried to think of whose stand-up material might do that to me the second most, and I’m slightly annoyed that I think the main two names that come to mind are Sam Campbell and Nish Kumar. Slightly annoyed because when I look at those two names alongside Rhod Gilbert… okay, is it possible that I might just like being shouted at?

I’m now trying to think of a non-shouty comic who’s done that to me. Kitson, obviously. I think my favourite stand-up hour ever is Daniel Kitson’s Where Once Was Wonder, which is fucking incredible for its ability to get every single aspect right. Brilliant on an emotional level, hitting multiple themes and topics that all have deep emotional resonance and saying original and significant things about them. Brilliant on an intellectual level – every time I listen to it I marvel at the number of layers in its structure, how its conceit of being full of contradictions is embedded in almost every line, how I catch more each time and he points lots of them out but throws even more away. And crucially, brilliant on a humour level. It is consistently, all the way through, hilarious. He probably never goes ten minutes without at least one bit that makes my whole body seize up from laughter until I can’t breathe right.

But honestly, most of the Kitson things that have gotten the highest laugh per minute out of me were not the intricately written shows. I wince at how much he would hate this, but probably, at laughs per minute from me, some of his 2007-2008 Graveyard Triple R radio shows beat some of his best proper stand-up shows. Same with some of his WIP/pre-WIP just messing around shows. There’s some audio footage of a 2007 Late ‘n’ Live night where Daniel Kitson and Andy Zaltzman do an incredibly stupid sketch that has put tears of laughter in my eyes. If you want to know what level of humour we're talking about, that sketch contains the line "That was three ladies booing my dick because it chose the wrong member of We Are Klang to fuck" (which it did, by the way, by which I mean Andy Zaltzman chose wrong while portraying the role of Daniel Kitson's penis, but not for the reasons that this Greg Davies-fancying website would expect, if you'd heard the Triple R shows with Steve Hall you'd understand. He then went on to choose the wrong member of Pappy's Fun Club, what does Andy Zaltzman know about the most attractive members of the most successful British fringe comedy sketch groups of 2007?). It's definitely not better than properly written Kitson shows, or Zaltzman shows, for that matter. But it might have made me laugh out loud more times.

I think It’s the Fireworks Talking is one of the best pieces of performance ever written, but recordings I’ve heard of that have probably made me laugh fewer times than a recording I’ve heard from the Melbourne Festival of when he finished performing It’s the Fireworks Talking and then went into a radio studio to talk shit with David and Claudia O’Doherty all night. Or than the Zaltzman/Kitson penis sketch, put together with everything else from that Late 'n' Live recording.

I know I’m not saying anything new here; I’m hardly the first person to point out that Daniel Kitson is absolutely fucking hilarious when he’s messing around with no script. Lots of people have pointed it out before me, and he has clearly heard those people point it out, as he’s often mentioned that it annoys him, and understandably so. What’s the point of working so hard on proper shows if people just like your unplanned stuff better?

But I don’t think I actually like that stuff better. I don’t think his radio shows are better than It’s the Fireworks Talking (I sort of don’t think penicillin is better than It’s the Fireworks Talking). And this is where I come back to the fact that laughs per minute are not the best way to judge a show (I’d like to clarify at this point that It’s the Fireworks Talking did have quite a high laughs per minute rate out of me, just not as high as Kitson and some O’Doherties getting weirdly competitive about indie music at 3 AM).

Anyway. I think Sam Campbell recently became the first person to make me laugh so hard that I had tears in my eyes, from hearing something that was performed in 2023. He did that with some of his recent stand-up. On Taskmaster he has, more than once, made me laugh loud enough to cause a cat to run across the room (I’m currently catsitting and one of the cats gets easily spooked by sudden noise, so whether I make her jump is a good gauge of whether something’s made me laugh out loud). But only his stand-up has actually made me cry.

I’ve been lucky enough to get to hear quite a bit of recent stand-up in the last couple of months. I’ve really liked a lot of it, but I’m now trying to think of how much of it has actually made me consistently laugh out loud, which is several steps beyond just being funny. I think the only people who’ve done that are Sam Campbell, Olga Koch, Nish Kumar, Greg Larsen, Sarah Keyworth, and Fern Brady. Which actually isn’t that short a list, but it’s a shorter list than the list of comedians I’ve enjoyed at all in the last couple of months.

Anyway, I didn’t start writing this post because of stand-up. I started writing this post because of a conversation I heard some comedians have the other day, but I started thinking of that conversation, and decided I wanted to write a post about that conversation, because I was re-watching some No More Jockeys today. And fucking hell, I have to say, this is supporting the theory that laughs per minute can come so much from unscripted shows that it could justifiably make comedians despair as they wonder what the point is of honing their craft. I’ve listened to a bunch of Tim Key’s properly written stuff in the last few days (went on a bit of a binge of his radio show and some of his old stand-up), absolutely loved it, it’s intelligent and funny and very well written stuff, but it still didn’t make me laugh out loud quite as hard as No More Jockeys does. Almost nothing makes me laugh out loud quite as hard as No More Jockeys does.

I tried to think of some non-stand-up thing that makes me laugh as hard/loud/often as No More Jockeys. The Bugle has managed it, at its best. I've only heard a few episodes of Pappy's Fun Club, but that's done it at times. Catsdown at its best has accomplished it.

The main thing I can think of that's done it really consistently is Taskmaster, but even that probably loses to NMJ at laughs per minute. It’s up there, though. Beats a lot of scripted sitcoms at it, including some really good scripted sitcoms. So from Taskmaster and No More Jockeys, you get the laughs, and the fun of getting emotionally invested in following a competitive game. Why are people still bothering to craft well written sitcom worlds?

This post has been massively disjointed, I think I've hit about six different topics since I've started, somehow including who's the most attractive member of Pappy's Fun Club. I finally have a weekend to myself and have decided I feel like writing things again, and it's started with this. I don't think there was any point to it. All I was really trying to say is I can't believe how fucking funny No More Jockeys is.

Mark Watson desperately, pleadingly trying to argue with Alex Horne about whether Donald Duck has been to prison – I'm sorry but I don't think Rowan Atkinson has done anything funnier than that in his entire life. He's done lots of things that are better than that. But not that can make me laugh harder than that while I'm over the age of 30.

[authortango]

Book Review - How to Win a Wager &  Bite Your Neighbor by D. N. Bryn

I recently finished reading How to win a Wager & Bite Your Neighbor by D. N. Bryn ( @brynwrites ), and I wanted to write a review to show my support and share my thoughts about this fantastic book.

Though my review touches on key themes and plot points from the book, there are no big spoilers in it. I’ve still put it under the cut though in case you’d like to read the book before reading this. Review TL;DR - 5/5, I can’t wait for the next one. You can purchase a copy off Amazon or through one of the other options on @brynwrites website here.

How to Bite Your Neighbor & Win a Wager is a slow-burn romance novel by D.N. Bryn, that also happens to include side-plots regarding vampire rights and committing espionage against an evil pharmaceutical company.

“Wesley didn’t tell his legs to move, but neither did he tell his lungs to breathe or his heart to beat. They did so because they were born to, and he was born to run into Vincent’s arms.”

This quote occurs very late in the book, but I feel it perfectly describes the dynamic chemistry and slow burn relationship Wesley has with Vincent. Also, I didn’t think it was possible for two characters to be so horny and yet so wildly oblivious.

This book was fantastic. I got the horny, vampire fantasy that I bought the book for, but I also received the gradual build to a true, romantic relationship between Wesley and Vincent, as well as an enthralling mystery about the shady pharmaceutical company, Vitalis-Barron, that pretty much owns the town. 

Without spoiling anything, I want to touch on some key things I really liked about the book. For example, I really liked how morally grey Wesley’s character is, as Kendall, his best friend, describes it. His whole character arc as well is very satisfying as he comes to terms with a lot of his trauma and learns to redeem himself. 

I liked all of the meta/self-referential moments in the book in the form of comics and video games, and how it was made a part of the world-building instead of being too jokey or fourth wall breaking. The same thing about the true villains, Vitalis-Barron - it wasn’t too jokey, no “dur-hur evil pharmaceuticals” - no man these people are evil and have a deep rooted history in being evil, as most corporations do. 

The world-building and the politics about being a vampire in general and how vampires live on thin, marginalized lines on the edge of society was also incredibly well done. I love books that take classic vampire myths and decide what to keep and kill from them, as well as recontextualizing them with what it may look like today in a more modern society. Vincent’s experience being a vampire and a semi-closeted gay man explores a lot of what that would look like, but also draws an excellent parallel that gives poignant insight on what it is like to be disabled and LGBTQIA+ in today’s society. I’m sure this was an on-purpose parallel done by the author, and it was incredibly well done.

One more excellent thing D. N. Bryn does with the storytelling is how the miscommunication as a romance trope is executed in a way that is believable and moves the story along. Each character has an incredibly valid, albeit dubiously ethical reason to not tell each other what they really want to. I never once felt taken out of the romance, the intrigue, or the suspense of the plot by the miscommunication issues. It was so well done, I had to put the book down and calm down at the blowup/reveal point, because of how stressed out I was about it.

Overall this was a fantastic book! I give it 5/5, and I can’t wait to read D.N. Bryn’s sequel to this, How to Sell Your Blood and Fall In Love, when it comes out. You can purchase a copy of How to Bite Your Neighbor and Win a Wager from Amazon, or you can check out their website at www.dnbryn.com to find more places to purchase their book.

[herofics]

Hello, hello! I saw your recent post about Hawks comforting a suicidal reader, and I got curious with other writing prompts you made. Little did I know, I would grow to love it very much! I'll definitely read more of your posts in my spare time, thank you for making these!

Anyways, I hope I didn't catch you in a bad time. IF, and only IF you're feeling up to it, I'd like to request a Hawks x female reader who has AWFUL social skills and stutters a lot. It's not that she has anxiety, but it happens too often to the point people sometimes misunderstand her. Nonetheless, she tries REALLY hard to communicate with people, especially with Hawks. Little did anyone know, she has a passion for drawing! One day, the reader decided to finally confess her feelings to Hawks; however, there's a twist. The reader was never really good with words in the first place. Instead, she decided to give him a sketchbook filled with little sketches, paintings and complete drawings of him, the reader, or together, with a bit of aesthetic shtick going on (old timey newspapers, Latin quotes in papyrus, colorful pressed flowers, you know, those kinds of dark/light academia aesthetics you see everywhere). To add the cherry on top, a note on top of the sketchbook says, "You are the walking embodiment of the quote, 'What if I fall? But darling, what if you fly?' Thank you for inspiring me to be bolder and for being with me. I love and appreciate you, Chicken Feet."

I'm not sure if this idea had been done, but don't feel pressured to do it whether or not it has been written down. Again, thank you very much, and I wish you the best day!

Have a Chikim Kigs for all your troubles ^^

Sounds very familiar tbh, I’m super awkward and anxious socially, and I absolutely suck at talking to people. When I really need to tell someone something, I write it down and send it to them as a message, because I suck at talking. I think this is a really cute idea and I hope I did it justice. I have a masterlist in the pinned post where you can find all my stuff categorized by character. I hope you have a great day, I’m certainly having a good one :D

•You’re not very good with talking to people, but you do really try

•People still seem to misunderstand you a lot, and sometimes they even get irritated at you

•Sometimes people just don’t even make the effort to understand, but Hawks does

•He’s very patient with you and if he feels like he’s maybe misunderstanding you, he asks more questions to make sure and the situation usually resolves itself like that

•You and Hawks have been friends for a while now, and you’ve fallen for him pretty hard

•You’re not at all sure if he would return your feelings, he’s always been pretty hard to read and not just for you

•Hawks doesn’t really reveal much about himself, even to the people closest to him, but he does feel really safe and relaxed with you

•You started working on your little sketchbook project about a month before you gave it to Hawks

•It was a fun project but when you finally decided it was ready and you wanted to give it to him, you were super nervous

•You didn’t know how he was going to react, but you knew that if he was going to reject your feelings, he was going to do it kindly, that’s just the kind of person he is

•Hawks came over to your place since you were going to go to lunch from there

•You seemed really nervous for some reason, which he picked up on immediately

•So of course he asked you if something was wrong, and you just handed him the sketchbook and requested he would take a look at it

•He started flipping through it and you could see his pupils getting bigger with each page, like cat’s eyes do

•He was also smiling like a total dork, because he was so happy

•You felt a wave of relief wash over you as he flipped through it and he seemed to be very happy with what he was seeing

•Hawks had been super nervous about telling you how he felt, because he didn’t really know if you would return his feelings

•Your lack of social skills make you a bit hard for him to read, but he did have an inkling about you maybe liking him back

•When he got to the end of the sketchbook, he saw your little text bit with the “Thank you for inspiring me to be bolder and for being with me. I love and appreciate you, chicken feet”

•He suddenly hugged you were tightly and whispered in your ear “I love you too, dove”

•You felt all the nervousness leave your body as he said that and you hugged him back after you got over the initial shock

•You were so happy he returned your feelings and also that he liked your way of confessing to him

•Hawks is over the moon and the two of you also go through the sketchbook together because he wants to know how you made it

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Well then… :)

Re: In My Life - I think it makes a lot of sense that the song is a parent talking to a child - recounting their memories and also “when I think of love as something new” (could be referencing parental love?). But while I think it’s possible that John would write a song for a child despite being a distant parent, I am also not sure if that reading of this particular song is not too gracious (as in I’m not sure John would put parental love above love for his soulmate coded companion - in reference to “in my life I love you more” [than anybody else]). But songwriting does not have to be that literal, I guess.

The songs I did not know about are:

- Remember (listening to it, I don’t feel strongly about it either way - it’s about some sort of a disillusionment and betrayal, interesting Guy Fawkes reference - could be about The Beatles given the context, ig).

- Who Can See It (yeah, no objection)

- I was aware of No Words and Denny Laine credit and... what an interesting coincidence, huh. 🤨

- Crippled Inside (hmmm, a good one. Just by looking at it - I think the first verse applies to Paul better than John, the second one has an interesting reference to Instant Karma, verse 3 seems generalized - but yeah, if it’s in some way about Paul or John, it’s pretty heavy)

- Some People Never Know I knew about, but I always felt like John might be only referenced (he’s “some people” lol, maybe “only fools” if we are willing to open our minds), but otherwise it’s addressed to Linda.

- Another Day how???

Could you tell me more about Day Tripper? Or post a link if you talked about it before? I can kind of see where your interpretation is coming from but I want to know!

Oh I hear you re: In My Life and John's take on the "levels" of love. I do think the song is interesting because, while it's placing the person on a pedestal it's specifcally not outright dismissing the past. And yeah, reading the song from the perspective of a parent does generate my probably favourite reading of "When I think of love as something new". I'll say, I think he may have only adopted that soulmate attitude after meeting Yoko. Like, clearly Yoko shifted how he approached relationships, so it's possible he had a less all-or-nothing attitude before he realized that was an option. I'd even say the way he described meeting Yoko as "teaching him" that someone could be everything to him would even indicate that.

WELCOME TO THE NO WORDS CIRCLE! lol

Nice catch with the Instant Karma! parallel. That's another song I forgot to mention actually. I feel I'd place it in the "I like to think it's about Paul but I'm not sure" category.

No yeah, that's what I meant with Some People Never Know. If John is anyone he's the person who "never knows" (which, if it IS about John is actually kind of harsh lol… though also apt for Mister Divorce Prediction)

Huh, did I mention Another Day?? (outside talking about the line in (Just Like) Starting Over?)

Re: Day Tripper

the source for the highlighted quote is David Sheff's book (so the full Playboy interview).

Basically, given the period when this song was written, I don't see how the fact Paul had recently outright refused to drop acid with him wouldn't be at the forefront of his mind when writing a song about this concept. Paul would have epitomized the subject matter at the time of writing. I sort of think of it as Paul up until now having been fine trying out drugs with John (prellies, weed) but suddenly backing out. That's how I read the "one way ticket" lines and "she took me half the way there".

Also, and I have no clue how much they discussed what this song was about, but the way they trade off the vocals is delicious lmao.

[general-marzipan]

hello i have le question. who is your favourite tf2 mercenarie

Hello Heough! My favorite for quite some time has been the Engineer! I love the emotion shown in his Meet the Team short despite his laidback nature. I love his newest cosmetics from the summer update - they really suit him well! Even with the development of my oc Darnell, I get to think about how Dell is written as a character and how he and Darnell would interact on the job (i think about these two constantly!). AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIL POOTIS SEASON 2 PREMIERE!! I think about that specific Engie all the time, how it took a completely different interpretation of Dell and still made it believable to the actual character (Dell is such a versatile character i love it).

Though I do think I’m going back to liking Scout again as my favorite merc. I’ve seen a lot of SFMs and other memes and shorts with him lately, and its so funny to see how people would interpret in modern day. The accent is also a plus! I love quoting him at random points of the day - the accent is just so fun to do! You even feel like a Scout when you’re doing it!

However, I’m slowly starting to realize the potential of Sniper being my favorite. Throughout the years, Ive fallen for each class at least once, but somehow never could see myself liking sniper as my favorite. Sure, he’s super cool and professional at his job, you cant deny that, but something was always missing. I’d see every go crazy for him, and i just wouldn’t understand why exactly. Id see sniperscout shippers thirsting over sniper and wonder ‘whats that all about’ (in a good way tho). After rewatching the Meet the Sniper short a bunch of times tho recently, I felt a sort of realization, and a little more of a connection to his character (not much, but enough for me to like him a little bit more than before). Something about his standoff nature always perturbed me before, but now Im slowly starting to unravel the mystery of his character. (Not to mention im also starting to see more SFMs with him in it). Maybe also one day finishing the comics will help me to better understand his character, but for now i just think he’s pretty cool.

Similar to sniper, I’m also starting to realize the potential of medic. Yeah, i kinda liked him before when i first started getting into tf2, but i think that was bc most content was made about him and being shown everywhere. Like you’d find fanart online and it’d be a chibi medic or a medic with slicked back hair or something (lol the 2 genders of fanart). Still, in a way, i never could understand the character more than what people thought of him at the time: “sexy doctor that is covered in blood but also kawaii when heavy is around”. Though, once again, im going through content again and love seeing the character development within all sources of media (i think emesis blue also made me like it bc of his struggle with the events going on around him :p). Still, babysteps when it comes to liking characters i suppose. (The recent SFMs ive seen with him tho are amazing).

But if we’re talking about Soldier, oh man oh man. HE IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST AND MOST COMPLEX CHARACTERS IN VIDEO GAME HISTORY. Every day i learn something new about him. I love his gruff voice, similar to scout, you’re just compelled to do it all the time cause its so fantastic and comical. I ALSO JUST READ THE SCREAM FORTRESS COMIC FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR HALLOWEEN AND HE’S HILARIOUS IN IT HELLO?!?! Love his dynamic with everyone in that one, he’s such a fricking man child i love it. For the past few days ive been thinking about his scenes in that. Absolutely love it. The SFMs and memes of him are super funny, AND THE RENDITION OF HIM IN EMESIS BLUE IS SO COOL, I DIDNT EXPECT ALL THAT TRAUMA TO HAPPEN TO HIM. Not to mention the workshop taunts i see of him are absolute gold, star spangled strategy will always live in my head rent free. CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT HIM IN EXPIRATION DATE PLEASE?! He is so funny in that one, every scene with him in it is hilarious, people are even pointing out new things i havent even noticed before years later. If i could, i would be Soldier tf2. I wanna be him so bad.

Uhhhh the other mercs are also really cool, but i havent made that much of a connection to them, though i will say when they have their moments, they truly shine through. Every day I learn something new about tf2, and it always throws me for a ride.

Lol sorry about the long post, can you tell I like these guys a lot?